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thedoctorisgroovy · 20 days

Text

Slim Pickin's

» Pairing: Spencer Reid x BAU!Reader

» Word count: 1655

» Warnings/Tags: Spencer has a gf(non canon made up name), mentions of sex (but no detail), alcohol consumption (no one is drunk though), using people to get over someone, reader sleeps with people as a coping mechanism, angst, idiots in love, fluff, happy ending!!!

» A/N: I heard this song and couldn't resist writing something based off of it. Who else is obssessed with her album?? If anyone was gonna make me break my streak of bad dating it was be our boy Spencer.

I realised I was in love with Spencer after the 3rd time hooking up with my friends with benefits that month.

Over a bottle of wine at my best friend Penelope’s house, we’d discussed my boundaries and expectations and after the douchebags I’d been out on simple first dates with, the bar was still unbelievably low and yet was still clearly unattainable.

“I just want someone who’s jacked but kind ya know? Literally just nice and is alive and breathing, not much to ask for.” Close to slurring every syllable that came out of my mouth and essentially on the verge of tears. I wanted to follow it up with something about wanting Spencer - my other best friend and colleague - but I didn’t need to. She knew well enough what I was insinuating after hearing me pine over him for months already.

“Okay get that cute and sexy butt up, we’re going out and finding you someone that you can move on with!”She exclaimed, reaching out to tap my butt as I stood with her.

“I already have someone, I have Jake.” Reminding her of my frequent friends with benefit situation that developed about a month ago.

“Well you can have multiple ‘someones’ until you get over him, so lets go!” And with that she dragged us to the nearest bar to find me someone new to drink up and drown my sorrows in.

After a thoroughly disappointing evening of fancying and talking to exactly no one, I decide to part ways with Penelope and go home, it was 1am on a work night after all and no more drinks or men would distract me from Spencer the way that sleep could. I finally crash into bed and receive the ever so romantic text from Jake.

“You up?”

“Yeah, just got home from the bar. Long night lol”

“Could I come over their?”

I groan dejectedly before screenshotting the message and sending it to Garcia captioned “Why am I sleeping with a man who doesn’t know the difference between their, there and they’re?” I can almost hear the giggle in her reply.

“Ooh get some girl, see you in the morning, don’t be late!” I send her an upside down smiley face emoji before flicking back to Jake’s name in my messages list.

“Sure. See you in 10. Don’t plan to stay over, I have work at 8.” I reply before dashing off to the bathroom to freshen up and look presentable. I debated sending Spencer the screenshot, knowing he’d get a kick out of someone’s appalling grammar but decided not to, not wanting him to 1. know that I’m sleeping with strangers and 2. give me a lecture on the importance of dating people who are “on your level.” He would never judge me, but he does want what’s best for me, even if he doesn’t realise that it’s him. I hear his familiar knock after a few short minutes and go to open the door. When I do, Jake is immediately on me - obviously pleasantries don’t exist when you’re horny - and we fall into the pattern we’ve developed over the time we’ve been sleeping together.

As Jake did his best attempt at having sex with me, my mind wandered to Spencer. His beautiful curls, his grin that reached both ears and lit up his eyes, his laugh, his wonderful brain full of science and facts and trivia. The way he smelt when he allowed me to hug him sometimes. I knew it was wrong to think about him this way, especially in this moment and especially since he has a girlfriend, but I couldn’t help it. This past case hadn’t helped either. We’d been paired together on every aspect which meant a lot of one on one time in the car, the office or coffee breaks. Everything about him drew me to him like an invisible thread and my heart broke thinking that my current situation would never happen with him. Jake finishing brought me back to my reality and I pretended to while he leaned down to kiss me. He wasn’t a bad kisser by any means, I just didn’t care.

The guilt set in after he left, knowing that I was just using him to feel some sort of connection and satisfaction. I’d been playing him like a slot machine, except I was still losing. I’d been complaining about these men, all the time knowing that I’m the problem purely because I can’t have what I want. I know that he’s using me too otherwise we’d probably be officially dating instead of just hooking up, but it doesn’t alleviate the embarrassment of knowing I won’t be able to look my co worker in the eye in a few hours time. I hug my knees to my chest and close my eyes, the feeling that I’ll probably end up alone finally getting through to my thick skull. Just as I started to doze off my phone suddenly buzzed. I grab it, only to see Spencer’s name flashing under the text notification.

“Sorry to disturb you so late, are you awake?”

“Hey Spence, it’s okay. I’m just about to head to sleep but we can talk if you need to. Are you okay?”

“I’m so sorry, I’ll let you sleep. Can we talk at work instead, in private?”

“Of course. See you soon. Goodnight Spencer.

“Goodnight.”

My heart pounded in my chest at the possibilities of what he could want to talk to me about. If it was something personal, surely he’d go to Emily or JJ, they’re his best friends.Some sick, petty part of me hoped he somehow knew about my night-time escapades and was jealous. I ended up convincing myself it was work related just to be able to fall asleep that night.

I barged open the door to Garcia’s magical tech cave without looking up from my phone and immediately started off loading to her.

“Ooh girl, it is slim pickin’s out there I swear.. OOF!“ I look up at what I bump into and am met with Spencer’s tear stained face and red eyes, he looks so hurt that my heart breaks in regards to him for the 2nd time in 12 hours.

“Spencer? What’s wrong, are you okay, are you hurt?”

“He broke up with Allie.”

“Oh my gosh, sweetie I’m so sorry. Is this why you wanted to talk last night?” He nodded slightly, wiping his eyes with the backs of his sleeves.

“Please don’t call me sweetie” He pleaded, laughing almost incredulously, the bitterness on his tongue tainting the usual sweet melody of his laughter.

“Okay..?” His sudden change sent me reeling, I always called him pet names and he’s never once had a problem with it.

“You’re the reason they broke up…” Garcia lilted teasingly.

“Garcia!” Spencer snapped her surname back at her, desperation flooding his features.

“Me? What did I do?” I bit back, I knew that I had been nothing but kind and respectful to Spencer so how the hell could this be my fault? Spencer stood there looking mortified and frantic, his frazzled curls sticking to his forehead slightly. I stared at him before begging,

“Spence? Please talk to me.”

“Okay. What Garcia means is, we broke up because I realised that I have feelings for you. On this case, all the time we spent together, I started to fall for you. But it wasn’t just this week, I realised I liked you since you started working with us. And when I got home you weren’t there but I wanted you to be, but I knew that wasn’t fair to Allie so I called her and she came over and we talked and I broke up with her.” He rambled off animatedly, running his fingers through his hair, something he did when he was stressed or preoccupied. I just stood there frozen, mouth hanging open like I was trying to catch flies or something. I couldn’t believe what I’d heard or thought I’d heard. ”You.. you like me?” I thought I was going to faint.

He crossed the gap between us in one stride and wrapped his hands around my waist. His touch was so careful and gentle that I melted into it without hesitation. I rested my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat for a few seconds before looking up into his beautiful eyes. Everything I wanted and needed was right here in the moment, and I was afraid to let go. He lowered his voice just close enough to a whisper, words meant just for he and I to hear.

“I wanted to talk to you last night but you said you were going to sleep, so I spoke to Garcia instead, and she told me that you’d been hiding this from me all this time. I know it was out of respect but I’m sorry you were hurting. Would you like to go to dinner with me? On a proper date?”

A squeal that left Penelopes’ mouth was quickly silenced by Spencer and I turning to shoot her a death glare. I reached up to stroke his cheek, eyes softening again as I turned my gaze from Peneople to him. Everything in me wanted to scream yes. I wanted to jump onto him, kiss him, wrap myself around him, live in the question for however long I could. But I knew I had to give him an answer, and a real one at that.

“Spencer that’s not fair to you or Allie. You just broke up and I don’t want to be a rebound. I would love to go out with you, okay please know that. But I’ve waited this long, I’m happy to wait a little longer.” He beamed at me, one of his signature ear to ear grins that I’d fallen for long ago.

#me #writing #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x bau!reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #sabrina carpenter #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #Spotify

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bigskydreaming · 3 months

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So, been awhile! Apologies for that - took a step back from most social media sites for a few months because the accumulated stresses and everpresent urgency to most things I've been dealing with for the past five plus years finally caught up with me and I kinda just....crashed, and needed some time to get my head on straight. Or whatever the non-obvious-pun version of that might be for a Known Bisexual. Everything was getting to be too constantly 'stop and go' for me, if that makes sense.....like I'd TRY to be more present on here, TRY to work on things like my patreon and fic and meta and stuff like that because I've really wanted to get back to creating actual stuff that people enjoy instead of being like My Issues: The Latest Installment and the like, but then something else would crop up and kill my momentum before it even really got going and I'd have to duck away yet again, and rinse and repeat.

HENCE! I took a more dedicated, extended leave to try and get into a headspace and build a buffer that better lends itself to me getting back to the kinds of posting/writing conditions I've thrived under in the past. It took longer than I thought, but I've never been good at accurately estimating things lol. I've still been on twitter somewhat sporadically, since a huge part of why I hate that site is its format makes it all but impossible to really get to ranting at length...y'know, as I do, my tried and true time-suck method of procrastinating...and with everything going on in the world these days I didn't want to disconnect entirely even though I did need time to work through some shit. BUT I DIGRESS.

Point is, felt like I needed something more substantial than the optimistic-but-lacking-in-actual-energy-and-planning measures I've attempted in the past couple years in order to get on top of things and achieve a measure of consistency and stability again. Less shooting for the moon because I just WANT to be back to my older, happier/more content patterns, more....putting some actual time and thought into how I can realistically make that happen instead of just trying to will it into existence through sheer stubbornness. Because obviously, THAT always works.

ANYWAY. It'll still be a couple days before I get back to regular posting/reblogging patterns or much of any of that at all.....don't be confused if you see some blink and you miss them temporary posts from me over the next day or two. I'm testing out the formatting and layout of a bunch of posts and graphics made for my patreon and original fiction stuff, since the preview post function doesn't always work with read mores in a post and they're all gonna need that lol. If anyone's up for it, I am finalizing the price/reward tiers of my patreon and could use some thoughts on the different levels - I think I have them mostly figured out but wouldn't mind some additional perspectives on how I broke things down and if I'm missing some alternatives. Just message me directly if you'd like to weigh in or lend me your thoughts!

I've never wanted my tumblr to be all about fic or just original content or anything like that, so the patreon's meant to kinda keep all that separate beyond just generalized update announcements on here. The blog will remain just a regular multi-purpose smorgasboard of my reblogs and thoughts on other posts and meta about my various fandoms and all that jazz. The patreon discord will have spaces having to do with my various fanfics, but they'll never be exclusive to it in any way, and every fic update I make will still be on my blog same as always. I've been building masterlists of all my Dick Grayson meta and all my Teen Wolf meta, as well as headcanons and writing snippets/scenes that never got posted elsewhere because I didn't consider them full fics, and I'm starting a series of posts that lean directly into my tendencies to be an Overly Opinionated Asshole who - historically speaking - has never been, uh, shy, shall we say, about Having Thoughts about various fandom patterns or trends.

So....look out for the upcoming "Kalen Vs Fandoms" post series. What? It sounded catchy to me. First up:

"Fandoms' tendency to pick one character per fandom to have every other character introduce as the dumbest person they've ever met, but no its okay, they're actually really fond of them and universally defaulting to a judgmental or patronizing shot at their intelligence every single time they're the topic of conversation among other characters just naturally happens to be part of every single other character's love language - is this perhaps NOT as endearing or affectionate as fandoms tend to treat it as?" Aka "How many people can actually say they'd be comfortable with the idea of every single person in their family or friend group leading with "I genuinely think they're stupid but I love them anyway" each time they talk about them to someone else, and if you don't think that's a normal conversation starter for people to have about a loved one, why do so many fandoms attempt to treat it as such?"

.....the length of post title should not be taken as an indicator of how long each post is. If people want to draw their own conclusions about post length based solely on the fact that they're, well, by me.....I mean. That's totally your prerogative. Nothing I can do about that!

Post topics will run the gamut, if for no other reason than gamut is an amazing word that doesn't get used enough and I wanted to use it. From "Its totally valid to project onto characters and use fic as a way to work through various issues via that projection but how much does this have to do with how defensively people react to the slighest criticism of character choices in their fics as though personally attacked - discuss" to "Criticizing and condemning the writers of source material for specific things - to rave reviews from followers - only to then do the exact same specific things in your own fics - to rave reviews from followers - while claiming that the mere fact of being a fan not getting paid for writing those specific things somehow makes them less worthy of criticism.....are we all seeing the problem here."

There's a slight chance those titles are perhaps....somewhat unnecessarily asshole-coded, but like, in a whimsical way! I think. Whatever. I'm sure it'll be fine!

Will either rhyme OR reason be involved in the order of post topics? No. Not even a little bit. Next question.

Aside from "Kalen vs Fandoms" I've been putting a lot of thought into what other topics or content I can expound upon at length, to the possible interest of people. I'm good at writing and editing and analyzing narratives. Not claiming to be the best, just not trying to fish for compliments or anything. I think my analysis of narrative and character choices has generally been of interest in most fandoms I've been in, but when I'm IN a fandom, I do personally invest in favorite characters and stories that inevitably put me in opposition to takes from fans of other characters and stories within that fandom, and when that happens, the Horseman of Discourse inevitably follows and I....do the discourse. Look, I am who I am. I see the discourse, I engage with the discourse. Unless I don't care about the topic of discourse, in which case I don't, because that discourse doesn't matter. Obviously.

SO! In the interest of posting about narrative analysis and breakdowns of writing choices, character arcs and the like but WITHOUT engaging in The Discourse, I'll be making an easy-to-find post of fandoms or source material whose characters and narratives I'm familiar enough with TO have opinions or analysises of, but for whatever reason, the fandom has never clicked for me and I've never actually felt a desire to be part of it. Thus I'm not likely to be invested or compelled enough to follow up on anyone disagreeing with my personal thoughts or analysis or various character arcs or narratives, because its literally just like, my opinion man, presented for no other purpose than to potentially be of interest to anyone who might be interested in it. No actual follow up needed on my part because I'm not particularly chuffed if people have different takes, they're totally valid, mine don't exist for the purpose of being defended there, they just exist because Opinions, I Had Them, Here Look. Or Don't. Its Totally Whatever.

Because I don't feel as strongly about these pieces of media as I do fandoms I'm personally invested in, it is trickier to come up with a comprehensive list of ones I can weigh in on. So please feel free to hit up my inbox with any fandoms, narrative or character arcs you're curious about my take on, and I'll let you know if they're fandoms I consider myself a participant in, and thus not really right for this series, or if they're something I'm just not knowledgeable about.....but if they're not an actual fandom of mine and I AM familiar enough with them to have an analytical take or response, I'll add them to the masterlist/post as a potential topic.

This series will be called and tagged "Kalen Vs Writing Choices" (That I Personally Don't Like Or Think Could Be Better). The parenthetical part is there solely to be a disclaimer clarifying that my ego is not so great that I think that My Subjective Take on the writing choices made or not made is the only one that matters. I mean, I don't intend to include the disclaimer as part of the actual tag and will mostly leave it as y'know, like, something IMPLIED, but the disclaimer still exists and thus counts. That's totally how that works.

And that's how I've chosen to awkwardly segue into the final intended-of-three post series.....Dramatically Abrupt Tonal Shift Ahoy!

This next part will get long, but I would truly appreciate it if you gave it a read despite its length and even if - especially if - the next topic isn't one you typically look for my take on, or even avoid my take on, because I don't think I'm likely to ever express my thoughts on this matter any more genuinely or directly than this. Like I'm not trying to guilt anyone or anything like that, its more I'm just trying to say if you ever read ANY single post of mine when it comes to the next topic or pick a post to base your decision on whether or not TO wade into something I have to say on this subject, I would appreciate it if you made that this next part here, as I think it best conveys where I'm coming from when it comes to most any post I make along these lines.

So. The thing is....most people who've followed me long know that in the past I've frequently been extremely vocal on topics of rape, incest and abuse, specifically through the lens of being a male survivor. These absolutely are personal for me. This has led to me having a lot of Overly Opinionated Takes on these topics and how they're talked about, depicted and treated within fandom conversations, fics, and social media spheres and conversations at large. I've also pretty obviously not posted on these topics nearly as much in recent years as I once did - but not because I feel any less strongly about them.

And that's one hundred percent because it's frustrating as hell to see a very good portion of the posts I make about any OTHER topic in my usual fandoms go on to accumulate hundreds of notes....while NONE of my posts on these topics ever break out of my direct circle of mutuals. I don't say it to be egotistical - look how many notes I get on stuff - I say it because its literally objectively factual, and the disparity is dramatic, and the disparity is a PROBLEM. Especially given how much the topics of male rape and abuse - in SPECIFIC - tend to be, within most of my past fandoms.

This disparity has a very clear reason for existing too: people have never been shy about citing that they refrain from reblogging or referencing my posts on these topics because they feel like I act like I'm the only opinion that matters on them, the sole authority to be listened to here, that I use my status as a male rape survivor as a cudgel, to shut down opposing takes or points of view.

Which I would totally be fine with or understand if not for the fact that I've always gone out of my way to express that I don't want or expect my opinions on these matters to be taken as anything other than my personal opinions born of my personal experiences, which I cite because they're relevant. I don't think that survivors should have to disclose their status or personal history or details in order to have their opinion heard on these topics, but I deeply resent how often survivors making the choice TO disclose their personal history or relationship with these topics in order to directly unpack how that informs our perspective....is weaponized AGAINST us, in order to shut down and discredit OUR takes even while literally accusing us of only disclosing in order to do the exact same thing to others.

Something that I've posted about a LOT in the hopes of getting it spread throughout fandoms that regularly talk about male rape is for literal decades I've seen people harp on about how men can be raped too, believe male survivors, don't believe the myth that men can't be raped, etc. Which like, I appreciate the sentiment, but the thing I've tried to express for years is that in my personal experience, and those of a lot of other male survivors I've talked to - this is not really the biggest or even ONE of the biggest issues most male survivors face.

And the fact that for all that there are many survivors in fandom who have made the difficult choice to be open about their traumas and recoveries - which I ALWAYS respect, as that is never easy for any of us - a huge part of why I've always made a point to disclose my own history as a male survivor is because there just flat out aren't a lot of perspectives from MALE survivors in specific, being circulated in pretty much any of the fandom spaces I've ever been in over the past twenty years. I don't even slightly think I'm any more of an expert or authority on topics of rape or abuse - beyond how they pertain to my own personal experiences - than any other survivor. But as long as the topic of MALE rape and abuse in specific, how men are affected by these things, how society reacts to us and treats us in the aftermath....as long as these are the topics explicitly being discussed.....I do think my perspective as a male survivor is pretty fucking relevant, and admittedly, I tend to get pretty heated about pushing BACK against attempts to invalidate it or shout it down as though I somehow have LESS of a stake in or right to be heard in these particular conversations. And I get how this has at times come across as attempting to dominate a given conversation.

But like.....I'm also going to point back up to the part where I said earlier....I'm an Overly Opinionated Asshole. I say it somewhat deprecatingly, for the lulz, but also not. I'm very passionate about conversations and topics I feel strongly about and I don't make apologies for it. And for the most part....this has NEVER stopped people from reblogging or liking posts I make about pretty much any other topic....despite me not really coming across that differently in most of them, compared to how I come across in most of my past posts on topics of rape and abuse.

See....I'm in complete agreement with everyone who emphasizes that rape isn't a gendered issue. That it can and does happen to individuals of any gender or identity. But the reason why I've always found the focus on 'remember that men can be raped too' more performative than helpful is because for almost twenty years, I've been posting on these topics in various fandom spaces and trying to express that in my personal experience, something that REALLY deserves to be talked about more is the fact that rape is not gendered. But rape CULTURE very much IS.

Like it or not, we live in a very gendered society still. While yes, men can be raped too.....for a number of reasons - most of them born of sexism and misogyny in specific - the conditions, catalysts and reasons for men being raped are NOT interchangeable with those at work in instances of women being raped, as an example. Because the way society treats men and women in pretty much EVERY situation is different. Similarly, the way society REACTS to men and women disclosing they've been raped is different. And so on and so on.

So 'remember that men can be raped too' has some basis in societal claims that men can't be raped or that rape IS a gendered issue....but not as much as I think most people tend to believe. And twenty years after I first started searching out perspectives of other male survivors in online fandom spaces, beyond just real world physical support groups, I'm STILL hearing 'remember that men can be raped too' dominating all conversations about male survivors just as regularly and repetitiously as it was twenty years ago....as though the world has not changed at all, and the needle on this particular facet of male survivorhood hasn't changed an inch in the past two decades when no, actually, it very much has.

The reason why I feel so strongly about offering up my perspective as a male survivor in a relative absence of seeing other male survivors' perspectives circulated is I honestly believe the reason this is so consistently upheld as the biggest problem facing male survivors is its a carry-over from women attempting to be heard and believed when disclosing....which makes sense and is completely understandable....as long as there's a complete absence of male survivors offering up any perspective that's to the contrary.

But the fact that we live in a gendered society where rape culture, not rape itself, still very much IS gendered due to being a product of....living in a gendered society....means that the differences in how society treats and reacts to men and women affects every aspect of how society treats and reacts to men and women survivors. And that starts with disclosure itself. In my personal experience - and fully acknowledging that I don't speak for any other male survivor in this moment, and I absolutely do believe there are those who have experiences to the contrary, and that matters too - MY experience, which also matters, is that not once in the twenty years since I've started disclosing about my own rape, or the csa I experienced as a child - have I actually had an issue being believed.

With full acknowledgment of how unfair it is, how gross, the reality of living in a sexist, patriarchal society where male privilege very much exists, is that while men can be raped too, this traumatic thing that happened to us does not in any way actually invalidate or negate our male privilege. It doesn't turn it off for the duration of our experience or any time its relevant to our experiences going forward. We carry that privilege with us through our recoveries and the rest of our lives just as much as we did before it, because its an inalienable result of being in a society that allocates privilege solely on the basis of being born a man who identifies and presents as a cis man (with respect to trans individuals having another axis of experience that very much differentiates all matters pertaining to rape culture, in comparison to cis men, just as much as in the case of cis women, albeit in different ways).

And the gross unfortunate reality of our society is that it ALWAYS prioritizes believing men over women, in all matters......especially cis white men like myself.

So the simple fact is....even the act of disclosure - and the likelihood of being believed when voluntarily choosing to share the information that we've been raped - means that a cis white man like myself does not receive the same reaction as most women receive when attempting to share that same information. Society preconditions a lot of people to be more receptive to taking cis white men at their word, comparative to affording anyone else that basic respect.

Getting people to believe me when I say I was raped has never been the issue for me that other individuals face.

But that doesn't mean that my disclosure doesn't result in issues for me.

Because while being raped never invalidated or negated any of my cis white male privilege, neither did having cis white male privilege negate the possibility of me being raped - OR the fact that society ALSO preconditions people to be really fucking shitty about survivors.

(Hell, ANY kind of living victim....with this also being very relevant to abuse survivors, survivors of physical assault, etc. Much like people can be overflowing with empathy for unborn children who can't offer up any take to the contrary to whatever people want to say "in defense or support of unborn children," only to turn around and cease caring about most of those babies the second they're born, people tend to be just as overflowing with empathy for deceased victims of abuse, rape, assault and the like....who, y'know, also can't offer up any take to the contrary of whatever they say or claim about what they WOULD want, what they DO deserve, etc. Present those same people with a living child or a living victim who can and DOES have an opinion that doesn't match what those people feel it SHOULD be? Watch attitudes shift VERY quickly, as allllll that empathy hurriedly flushes down the drain as though it was never there).

But the point is, my cis white male privilege is always here regardless. But that doesn't mean rape culture isn't shitty enough that it can't find a way to circumvent even that in pursuit of discrediting/invalidating/ignoring survivors, just like that privilege can be circumvented in order to create the situation where a man is raped in the first place.

Its just....the gendered nature of rape culture means HOW those attempts to discredit/invalidate/ignore male survivors manifests.....doesn't look the same as when it leads to just outright disbelieving other survivors when they attempt to disclose.

And that is how I can be listened to and reblogged on most any other topic, no matter HOW I go about presenting myself in those posts or conversations - ironically in no small part BECAUSE of my cis white male privilege - while only getting crickets when I post on these topics, BECAUSE people only choose THOSE posts to make my presentation or level of intensity a dealbreaker, and thus their very reason for ignoring anything I have to say there. Not because they don't believe me, but because the WAY I say it is too aggressive, too biased, too emotional, too intense....its an attack on their autonomy, an attempt to override whatever they previously thought or believed about the subject and just force them to adhere to my take.

Because the thing about living in a sexist, patriarchal society is.....that IS a thing that cis white men often do, and a lot of society is structured to make it easier for us to achieve this in most instances, frankly. This just happens to be a rare exception, because for a lot of reasons that would make this post even longer - and that again, I've often posted about before - upholding and reinforcing rape culture on a society wide level supersedes the usual focus on accommodating INDIVIDUAL cis white men in having their opinions heard and circulated.

I'm trying to be as frank as possible here about the intersection of privilege and experiences of being a male survivor because I don't believe its to anyone's benefit to be disingenuous about it, and I do think that it doesn't actually supplant the fact that male survivors do have just as much right - and NEED - to be heard and listened to about our experiences with rape and perspective there, and have those ACKNOWLEDGED, as anyone else.

Its just....the existence of privilege and how that differentiates most experiences in a gendered society matters, and thus.....it needs to be part of the conversation rather than just treating all responses to rape and survivors as agendered, just because rape itself can and does happen to people of all genders.

There's actually a fair amount to get into when it comes to differences in a lot of mens' disclosures vs womens' in my experience, but just as an extension of what I'm talking about here, one of the specific elements in my experience is that men often don't have a problem being believed about having been raped or abused.....but one of the predominant responses is society is heavily preconditioned to view male rape and abuse survivors as almost inevitably feeling they need to exert a similar power over someone else in order to claim back their own feelings of pride and safety in their masculinity. Effectively.....most every male rape or abuse survivor I've ever talked with at length shares a similar experience of being believed when they disclose about being a survivor....but noting a clear and direct shift in how whomever they disclosed to interacts with them....with EVERY expression of anger or outrage - particularly in the matter of their rape or abuse - being viewed as evidence of us being ticking time bombs who are inevitably primed to explode and take out what happened to us on someone else.

There's being cautious around cis white men, for example, because we're cis white men, which I totally get and am not expressing an opinion on. I'm just saying even with that acknowledged, there is a SHIFT in how people interact with me after I've disclosed to them personally, in how they....scrutinize me, for lack of a better way of putting it, in very noticeable ways and areas. Like its consistent. And think about how its not totally true that media doesn't portray men as being capable of being raped or abused, typically. Think about how often you've seen procedurals where the backstory of the rapist or abuser of the week is specifically THAT they were a rape or abuse survivor themselves, usually in childhood. Its NOT that society doesn't believe or accept that men can be raped too. Its that society is primed to default to viewing the very act of men being raped as an indicator of the shift from them being a man to being a man who is likely to become a predator themselves.

Rape appears all the time in regards to male survivors in media. Its just it usually just appears in the context of men who arent presented AS survivors, but rather as predators or aggressors themselves, and their past victimization treated as a catalyst rather than a trauma. This is not to excuse any such character or depiction of course, its simply to emphasize that the very angle from which male survivorhood is approached in most contexts is different from that of other survivors. Just like the angle from which their survivorhood is approached is different from that of male survivors. And thus the issue most men have with disclosing in my experience is NOT that we're afraid we won't be believed....its that we're afraid once we disclose, we'll be viewed as inherently more dangerous because our victimization primes us to be that much more likely to inflict ourselves on others in some attempt to reclaim our masculinity.

And its categorically NOT about any group of survivors having it better or worse than others, which is why I LOATHE people saying variations of 'you wouldn't say that about this if it happened to a woman' because anyone attempting to pit male survivors against other survivors en masse is NOT doing so for my benefit or with my endorsement. The point is just that each way society and rape culture interacts with a different group of survivors presents different problems and issues that need addressing, and aren't interchangeable.

There is a REASON why the subject of Dick Grayson's anger - usually in the context of things that have happened to him - is so important to me, specifically in terms of ensuring that its treated as something he's allowed to have....rather than an indicator that he's going to messily explode his life in a way that impacts everyone around him negatively.

Now.....if you've never considered that aspect of rape vs rape culture and how it can differently affect and shape the experiences and recovery of cis male survivors versus trans male survivors and nonbinary survivors and survivors who identify as women.....I ask that you consider what else my perspective might be able to add to actually productive, meaningful conversations about rape, rape culture and survivorhood, that you never would have thought TO think about before, without male survivors bringing it up based on it having played a role in personal experiences.

And then I just ask that you please think about the implications of someone known for being a vocal presence in certain fandoms, with a fairly sizable number of posts widely circulating throughout them......never having posts about male rape and survivorhood circulated to any noticeable degree, despite writing DOZENS of them, in all kinds of different moods, ways and intensity levels.....and all of them while active in fandoms where male rape is regularly discussed or focused on due to certain characters or storylines......and ask yourselves if it maybe seems a little off for the disparity to be THAT large. Again: I have written DOZENS of posts on this topic. All with less than twenty notes. I'll be composing a masterlist of them in the near future as well, but for now I'm just saying. Please just think about that.

While I'm going to make an effort to be more deliberate in how I approach this topic in posts going forward, tonally and in terms of word choice, I do have a right to be just as passionate about it as any other topic, and it is FUCKED UP to think that my personal experiences here should be pointed to as the very REASON I should need to be LESS passionate than I am anywhere else, in order to be heard or listened to. Still. I am not actually trying to override anyone else's viewpoint, present myself as some kind of ultimate authority, or shut down other survivors in any way....I'm just trying to uphold the relevancy and importance of adding my own perspective to the conversation.

I don't want to be the only voice listened to here. But as long as my voice is relevant, and I don't see or hear a lot of other voices speaking from a similar standpoint, I would like to be a RESOURCE on topics of male survivorhood, rape and recovery, from that particular standpoint. And even if and when other male survivors might perchance add their own perspectives with experiences and takes contrary to mine....I welcome that! Because mine is not the only one, cis white male survivors are no more a monolith than anyone else, and none of that will in any way actually invalidate my own perspective or experiences or render them no longer relevant at all.

Being a resource on a topic that has always been everpresent in most fandoms I've gravitated to - which has often been a reason FOR me gravitating to those fandoms in specific.....that has always been my ONLY goal with these kinds of posts. NOT an authority.

So, having my posts - which for all my willingness to write them, has never been easy for me and probably never will - reframed in such a negative way, dismissed and even weaponized against me - has over the years demoralized me and made it harder to find the energy TO tackle these topics, as much as I'd like to. But I do feel that I've found a second wind when it comes to this and think I'm ready to wade back into being Overly Opinionated on these topics as well.

So that's the third of the three post series I'll be starting, "Kalen vs Topics of Rape, Rape Culture and Survivorhood As Perceived Through A Singular Personalized Cis White Male Lens, Presented By (and With) My Middle Finger At Any Attempts to Subvert Or Undermine My Thoughts On Them By Reframing Them As Me Trying To Gatekeep Male Survivorhood No Matter How Many Times I Use The Words IN MY EXPERIENCE or IN MY OPINION, Which I Do A Lot, Because This Has Been Happening For A Very Long Time, And I Am Tired, But Still Very Opinionated, And Still Very Here, So Bite Me I Guess."

.....I'm still workshopping that one's title. Its a process.

ANYWAY. At the moment, I'm aiming to make one post of each once a month, and if I do more than that great, but not trying to pressure myself to do any more than that at the moment in the interests of Realism. We'll play it by ear. If I have more free time or energy than expected, maybe I'll do more. Its not like I have a shortage of Very Opinionated Opinions, after all. You've met me.

BUT I DIGRESS.

So in the interest of not making this long ass post any fucking longer, not that anyone really expected otherwise from my first post back in months, like could I REALLY even claim to ACTUALLY be back if all I had to show for it was some weak little lackluster drabble that wasn't even 3,000 words? Methinks the fuck not -

Well, have an abrupt and anticlimactic finish that comes out of nowhere despite giving myself literally 4,900 words to build to something appropriately profound or meaningful or whatthefuckever. Y'know. Your standard Kalen Classic. The abrupt and anticlimactic wrap up I mean, not the profound and deeply meaningful one. Eh. You get it.

Did ya miss me? I missed you!

PS - I was Informed that we are almost to the end of Tommy T's Tenure, is it almost safe to come back to Nightwing comics? Does anyone know when his last issue is? Have we planned the party yet? Who's on balloons, we definitely need balloons.

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mbtiblogfun · 1 year

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"The INFP Archetypes"

What makes INFPs different from each other? Well there are many factors. Obviously not all INFPs are the same, and other parts of typology like enneagram, ivs, and socionics do affect this. Some INFPs are also more in tune with their weaker functions (Si and Te) than others. Like the other types, INFPs also have different "archetypes" that are often seen as "general representations" of them. Obviously because mbti is so nuanced and complex, don't fret if you don't identify with any of these! They're very simplified, so not relating doesn’t mean you're not an INFP!

So now let's get into some of the most notable archetypes

1. The Dreamer

The most notable INFP archetype, one could call it "the INFP poster child." The dreamer is a pure, innocent, curious, sensitive, and idealistic INFP. The dreamer looks at the world with wide, starry-eyes, and wears their heart on their sleeve. Usually the dreamer is also very romantic poetic, and/or artistic, and they have a wild imagination. The dreamer sees the good in everyone and might often merge with/be present in tropes like the manic pixie dream girl, or the soft boy. They have a tendency to be portrayed as mysterious or misunderstood.

Examples of the dreamer: Belle (Beauty & the Beast), Aurora (Sleeping Beauty), Amelie, Juliet (Romeo & Juliet), Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables), and Celine (Before Trilogy)

2. The Mediator

The mediator shares the same traits as the dreamer (pure, sensitive, kind-hearted, etc.) but plays a different role in the story. Typically the dreamers are protagonists, while mediators usually have secondary roles. The mediator often acts as a voice of reason, to keep the protagonist in touch with their humanity or to just listen whenever someone needs to let it all out. The mediator is typically very quirky and non-conformist. The mediator is empathetic and usually soften-spoken, but they're not afraid to stand up for others or what they believe in.

Examples of the mediator: Silvermist (Tinkerbell), Mantis (MCU), Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter), Ami Mizuno/Sailor Mercury (Sailor Moon), and Lucy Pevensie (Narnia)

3. The Seeker

The seeker, once again, shares the same traits as the other two but has an emphasis on curiosity and imagination. The seeker is not afraid to ponder life's deeper, more complex questions.

As said by @dragonflymage, the seeker often asks themselves questions like

Why do I exist?

Who am I really inside?

How do I fit?

Where do I belong?

They also go on to add this explanation: "A seeker, continuously looking for answers that we never may find, but that we must keep searching for anyway. "

(If you wanna read more from her post I've reblogged it on my page) While they search for these answers, the seeker oftentimes will go on a "hero's journey" in hopes of finding the answer along their quest

Examples of the seeker: Merlin (BBC), Newt Scamander (Fantastic Beasts/HP), Luke Skywalker (Star Wars), Edward Scissorhands, and Frodo (LOTR)

4. The Emotional Villain

As you can see this one is a complete 180 compared to the other three lol. This pattern doesn't exactly have a name, so I just made one up.

Pretty much all INFP villains I've seen are driven by their emotions. Afterall, Fi is our dominant function. The emotional villain is driven by personal reasons and experiences, they're not just evil for the sake of being evil. Typically the emotional villain is very moody, disturbed, and/or unstable. They are usually the direct opposite of their other INFP counterparts: they are selfish, ruthless, and blood-hungry.

Examples of the emotional villain: Wanda Maximoff (MCU), Joker (2019 ver), and Kylo Ren (Star Wars).

5. The Angsty Teen

Another really common portrayal of INFPs in media is the angsty teen. This archetype is pretty self explanatory, an angsty hormonal teenager. The angsty teen often struggles with social anxiety, and/other another mental illness. They also might have trust issues, be really moody, or hurting from unrequited love or some other trauma. The angsty teen often copes through artistic means, like poetry or painting.

I feel the feelings on this archetype are very divided. While a lot of people don't like having that image as a representation of their type, some argue that it's a realistic portrayal of the darker side of being an INFP. I personally feel like the angsty teen represents my inner conflicts, while the dreamer, mediator, and seeker represent my outward behavior most of the time. What are your thoughts?

Examples of the angsty teen: Shinji Ikari (Evangelion), Will Byers (Stranger Things), Cassie Ainsworth (Skins), Kou Mabuchi (Blue Spring Ride), Violet Parr (The Incredibles), Nico di Angelo (Percy Jackson), Charlie Kelmeckis (The Perks of Being a Wallflower), Elio Perlman (Call Me By Your Name), Todd Anderson (Dead Poets Society), Fischl (Genshin Impact), Lydia Deetz (Beetlejuice) and Cry Baby (K-12)

There's plenty more archetypes but I thought I'd just focus on these 5. Also remember that these archetypes don't represent all INFPs as a whole, they’re just like "INFPs in a nutshell."

What are your thoughts? Which archetypes do you relate to? Which one's your favorite? Which one's your least favorite?

#infp personality #infp #mbti types #mbti personalities #mbti #myers briggs #fictionalinfps #fiction #media #mbtiblogfun #infp archetypes #infp relatable #infp media

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olderthannetfic · 5 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/748698755825582080/since-weve-been-on-the-same-topic-for-quite-some?source=share

From my experience, it's both the projection stuff + cis writers responding to what's popular in fandom, but I also think some of it is because when trans fic started getting really popular, you had a lot of trans BNFs in various fandoms who insisted that writing these characters a particular way was THE right way to do it or you're offending them personally. I think that tends to be disproportionately likely with people who prefer pre-op or non-op vs. prefer post-op or don't care, both because if you care more you're angrier about it, but also people in the first category are more likely to be newly out (and thus in that obsession with their identity stage that plagues every LGBTQ+ person when we first come out) and younger and more online. So they're more likely to fit into the demographic of "people who obsess over what fic other people are writing" or "antis" in general.

I remember in Yuri on Ice fandom circa 2017-18, there was this one newly out pre-op trans guy who projected hard on to Yuuri and therefore insisted that any fic with cis Yuuri was hurting him personally. But it went beyond that.... Yuuri also had to be a bottom, because he was a bottom, and also this guy seemed to think that having a vagina meant you were automatically a bottom if your partner had a dick? Which made the whole thing kind of funny in a way... imagine declaring yourself the spokesperson for all trans men in your fandom (which he clearly did see himself as that, he clearly saw what he was saying as the One Right Way To Do Transmasc Rep) and yet being seemingly unaware that strap-ons are like, a thing that exists in the world, lol. That pegging exists. (Or at least, it would've been funny if he wasn't an obnoxious anti who harassed people, and had this parasocial fixation on someone who wrote a lot of bottom Yuuri and age-reversal Victuuri which he decided was the absolute worst thing for some reason.)

So just from that, I do have to wonder if some of these patterns in writing trans fic are just more popular vs. they're baked into fandom because some obnoxious individuals in a variety of fandoms (because he definitely wasn't the only person and YOI wasn't the only fandom where I saw that shit, though he was the worst) at a particular time were insisting that was the one right way to do things.

I was able to resist what he was saying even though I'm cis, just because I've had enough trans guy friends IRL to know that what he was describing as the One Right Way to Write Trans Sex is suuuuuper dysphoria inducing for a lot of trans men. Like, a lot of people who write M/M trans fanfic would be floored at how many pre-op trans men find that PIV is just completely off-the-table for them. They don't want to be penetrated at all, at least in the vagina. So much trans fic treats PIV as the gold standard. Like, it's weird to think gay trans men wouldn't be into butt stuff as much as cis gay men are? Am I the only person who thinks it's kinda weird how often that's assumed?

I have no idea what the state is like for trans women in F/F - even though I read a lot of F/F, there seems to be way less trans fic for whatever reason, even the stuff written by trans women IME seems to prefer to focus on cis women or at least women who both have vaginas - but while I've known fewer of them than trans men who just really don't want to use their vaginas during sex, a fair number of trans women just really don't want to use their penises during it either. Like, people, there's a reason that "bottom surgery" exists.

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scarlet--wiccan · 6 months

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Do you think Billy and Tommy suffer from intergenerational trauma ? Also we never see Billy and Tommy interact with Max. If you could alter their origins what would you do ?

(You don’t have to answer all these questions sorry lol)

When we talk about intergenerational trauma, we are usually referring to trauma which persists in our cultural memories, or to trauma responses which become cyclical patterns in our families. One of the things that's really interesting about this family of characters is that none of them were raised by their birth parents or grew up with a complete knowledge of/relationship to their cultural heritage. This is slightly less true now for Wanda and Pietro, post-retcon, but my point is that the way these people have inherited intergenerational trauma is typically non-linear.

I tend to get in trouble for saying this, but I think that Billy and Tommy's reincarnation makes the most sense as a metaphor for interracial adoption. Specifically, their relationship to Wanda, their Romani heritage, and their family history maps fairly well to that experience. So, while the course of their lives has been impacted by the trauma of past generations in a very material way-- and there is something to be said for epigenetics-- they may not have internalized the Maximoff family's intergenerational trauma in the way that you're picturing. The nature of their existence and upbringing creates its own traumas and fractured identities, but a lot of what they've inherited is going manifest in the course of processing new information about their background as young adults-- not to mention the ramifications of being publicly known as Wanda's children in a post-Decimation world.

I am not an adoptee, so this is not my experience to speak on, and you can take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, but I am a person of mixed Romani heritage, and family separation and cultural disruption in the wake of WWII are big parts of my inherited trauma. That's part of why I find the Maximoffs-- Billy and Tommy included-- so relatable, because that's a specific form of cultural trauma that they have had to endure in every generation, and in ways that reflect multiple periods of Romani history. Part of why I like to really emphasize the fact that Billy and Tommy are Romani characters is because their positionality and way of arriving at Roma identity adds nuance and diversity to Romani representation. I think the spectrum of Romani cultural & ethnic identity is something that a lot of comic writers and fans just don't understand, but I think that digging in to how Billy, Tommy, and Luna relate to those identities would be a really good, organic way to have those conversations in the text and bring a more authentic understanding of the subject to readers. But you absolutely need a Romani writer to do it, and that's why they need to start hiring us!!!!!

I'd also like to point something out that I don't think anybody really talks about-- the current version of Wanda and Pietro's origin story and how they got their powers reflects the real history of human experimentation, reproductive rights violations, and child abductions that have plagued Romani communities for a long time, especially in mid-century Europe. Their "mutations" are a product of that violence, and the fact that Billy and Tommy inherited those mutations reflects the medical and genetic legacies of this racial trauma. This is presented in direct contrast and conversation with the Maximoffs' magical heritage as witches, which is is a racial stereotype that here is subverted as a positive, enduring legacy of cultural empowerment and survival.

Of course, the text itself does not fully commit to these ideas on paper, but my point is that when you have the knowledge and you're invested in how Romani people are imagined and portrayed in this world, it's a very rich text!!! I love comics and I love these characters! There's so much to talk about!

Since you did mention Magneto, I want to note that Wanda and Pietro's relationship to his & Magda's history and their inherited trauma is also non-linear, and has shifted several times based on retcons and varying character treatments. There's no doubt that they have a lot of baggage, but again, it's a situation where they didn't grow up as children of Holocaust survivors, so the way they process it might just be different. I certainly do think that the Holocaust and the war are part of their cultural memory, even if we don't know how much the Maximoffs were directly affected. Billy and Tommy are more removed from Magneto in this sense, but it should go without saying that one or both of them are Jewish and would already have a connection to that history through their foster/birth families.

#billy kaplan #wiccan #tommy shepherd #speed #intergenerational trauma

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lusi-raul · 1 year

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It’s so funny how Chayanne the egg is cursed with the 4th wall breaking no matter which admin plays him AHAHAHAHA. From being terrorized by Phil for being Cucurucho and Challulah, being feared by citizens prone to commiting illegal acts, being bothered by other members for cucurucho related stuff, being called “boss” by his egg siblings and now Etoiles teasing him because he beat him as the Code. Our little egg has so many part time jobs my gosh. He now also took on the role of babysitter for Tubbo lol. Anything to support his other poor foolish skull headed father. Give our poor little egg a break, justice for Chayanne.

I think all three admins who mainly play chayanne, QNPC01, 02, and 06 should all be considered main admins at this point. They all suffer the same fate of the non existent 4th wall, they are literally just the same egg lol. I have a headcannon that the difference in personality (def not admins wink wink), are just a result of the change in Chayanne’s environment.

When he is played by QNPC02 aka Challulah, he becomes much more mellow and less active mostly because those are moments when he is not with Tallulah. He doesn’t need to be as alert and vigilant since he doesn’t need to protect her. He doesn’t jump and run around because without Tallulah, Phil can speedrun his tasks better and doesn’t get bored as much. He also talks more because between both of them, He says he’s not good with words so Tallulah is the one who does most of the talking. When Tallulah is not around he has to carry the conversation more.

QNPC01 or Nussa is the og Chayanne admin and he is very much the little warrior we all know and love. He loves to cook and does the checkerboard potato crate pattern on the ground when he’s bored. QNPC06 is mostly the same but he just forgot how to speak Spanish anymore since he rarely had the chance to use it since Missa left. But Missa is back now and for sure he will teach his child Spanish again.

I think 06 has started to become Chayanne’s main admin and I am not complaining. He is doing such a good job specially because sometimes I forget that he’s not 01 until I see his username on the minimap ahaha. Even so, I’ll be lying if I say I don’t miss Nussa as Chayanne. I hope he comes back some time when he’s available. As much as I look forward to the new, refreshing, and angst loaded dynamic between Missa and 06, I wanted 01 to interact with Missa again so bad since Nussa was the one who Missa was with in the beginning and has all the memories of their time together.

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wetcatspellcaster · 6 days

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i can't believe beloved Serverity is in Cooler than Me! Crossing my fingers to watch Verity appear.

who is doing background checks on Rosalie, they are atrocious and most reminiscent of what happens in real life ...

I have a passion for Astarion's hair styles so I'm very glad Rosalie shares this passion throughout all 6 ratboi seasons. It's very nice to have my interests be represented.

Its also so nice that in every universe that Astarion has prepared a speech, it does not go well, viz, Chapter 2 I was thinking what on earth is BGU and then I was like aha Baldurs Gate University and then aha of course Rosalie would just say BGU.

I'm absolutely crying in my pajyamas thinking of Astarion reaching for a non existent phone and Rosalie's first reaction to be "his acting, really on the down trend"

I called the "Astarion only hired Rosalie because she was search result no 2" right when Rosalie thought silently that he was wrong about the 3 papers and a book. Extremely pleased that my short mental exercise paid off!

I'm so in love with the fic. I've known Astarion and Rosalie for so long, and yet when I'm reading them in CTM, it feels like wholly Individual People who I've never met before and that I'm dying to get to know.

Its so fantastic that Astarion is starting out thinking that ah this girl doesn't give two figs about me does she, and meanwhile, Rosalie, is just here, dying, absolutely, hand over fist in water.

I hope you like recieving this sort of comments! I'd love to know if there's any pattern of comments you'd like to recieve as an author (e.g. incoherent yelling, intelligent analysis)

Hey! I love all asks/comments, and have no requirements of them except that they were fun for the sender to send! I'm not about to make demands of the things people voluntarily send me lol.

1. Verity will appear (so will Tara!)

2. Vis a vis, "Astarion thinks this girl doesnt give two shits about him and shes there having a silent internal meltdown...." It's going to get so much worse. Joining the war on autism, on the side of autism. What if masking was evil, actually?

#asks #lovely words from lovely people #wip: cooler than me

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acourtofquestions · 4 months

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I personally love all of SJM’s books, and have read TOG and ACOTAR (I’m on the second book of CC) but I’ve seen multiple anti-SJM posts on tumblr. I personally disagree with them, but what’s your opinion?

(One of the main things they argue is that Rhysand was abusive)

A very good question! Thanks for asking! I always love talking about fandom stuff & your posts are always a fav😊🫶 @romantasyreader28 (apology in advance for the delay & long ramble lol; it was a good question I had many thoughts on🤣)

I was actually pondering something similar within this note but separate for an updated reading post on Rowan from TOG (I’m reading HoF for the first time; & though I generally try not to pick “pro/anti” (as there’s always another side to the story) not gonna lie I was near “anti”-Rowan… until PT. 2… hence the more “pro”-Rowan upcoming post😂).

— So there are definitely a LOT of changing opinions depending on the point in the series.

As far as Rhysand goes:

I was on a rollercoaster with him at first too, the introductory chapters & UTM time period were concerning (assault is a big trigger for me; so having Feyre drink faerie wine, “marking” her with paint, & kissing her without consent was disturbing).

With that said, I did find his character generally easier to “like/not loathe” on first read in comparison to other “enemies to lovers”. I think this is because of a few reasons… The 1st being you know there is more going on beneath the surface. 2nd, the perspective it’s written in shows their draw to each-other & makes swaying the audience easier. 3rd the undercurrents to their banter & little clues to more within their interactions; such as him betting on HER; shows he believes in her & also something more. Finally, it is furthered by the already very dark setting, not to give excuse but to more easily explain the why which is NOT of malice. My biggest point is that he does not defend it, apologizes for it & it is not portrayed as “okay”.

He is not perfect, he can be read as hero or villain; he does NOT make the same mistake twice, he DOES apologize, he does TRY to be better. He creates a sanctuary specifically for women to escape abuse, he makes a lot of effort to give Feyre HER choices & empower her to make them. And the times we are shown his side it is much less morally murky.

I know there is a lot of anger around him hiding the risk of Feyre & Nyx; I don’t disagree it is wrong & confusing, but we do not get the full picture, clearly showing in the other perspectives. & The other being his threat to Nesta after she tells Feyre; which was wrong & he knows it. — There is a difference however between anger & action. — While many of these patterns could probably be deemed as abusive, they could also be deemed as acceptable/explainable. Which one is correct?

— Well, at the end of the day it’s fiction. Within a genre that very much struggles with this as a whole. & While there is something to be said for “real world” power within fictional escapes. It also comes with a different & messier set of non-existent rules; if we are to examine them all, quickly everything becomes problematic. & maybe that’s good to do, maybe not; it’s worth acknowledging; but in that acknowledge that it is fiction.

Meanwhile, writers are real people. So be wary of jumping toward conclusions on either side…

As far as SJM goes:

I don’t know & we’ve never met, I don’t know what she’s like, what she believes in, what she’s experienced. I doubt anyone would write a series with the intention to sway people into abusive relationships. & though intent is a good question to ask; I tend to lean similarly towards no.

There are times I think abuse is shown; whether intentional (as Arobynn and Celaena), or questionably (Tamlin & Feyre’s first kiss; a moment that bothered me as she is drunk, but I actually appreciate because it is shown how problematic they are later; point to it as a key warning, not “romantic fairytale” to aspire for).

I also think the Maasverse does take time to give survivors & “unspoken stories” a spotlight, that means a great deal (or at least it did to me) with characters like Gwyn being a large one.

It serves as an enjoyable escape from the world; one we know is fiction. A morality that can be more “fun” to debate & ponder, but still exists within fiction & opinion primarily over actual moral grounding.

For me: I love Rhysand (though I may not wish to marry him in the real world) I wish to have someone to hold my hair when I have nightmares & I loved watching him and Feyre fall in love in moments like that; I love the way SJM turns plots on their heads & think she does a great job with them.

Reading throne of glass as my next Maasverse series has been cathartic; I have thoroughly enjoyed many dynamics and actually praised them for flipping stereotypes on their heads & NOT being abusive.

So, while I think there are many sides and points to argue & at the end of the day is generally within fiction; I enjoy SJM’s writing & reading them. I generally don’t find it more problematic than other series. And prefer to enjoy fandoms, or move along if it doesn’t feed me healthily.

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drbased · 7 months

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i’m kind of a baby radfem and im learning about being gender critical and i definitely agree with most of it, the only part that i have thoughts about is the nonbinary identity. i believe that a gender non conforming woman and a nonbinary woman can mean the same thing. in that, i believe that you can be a nonbinary *insert sex here* and it basically just means you’re gender nonconforming. and then it’s like well why do we need two different terms to mean the same thing and we definitely don’t, but i think it’s dangerous to conflate being nonbinary with being agender bc it’s not the same thing and it just makes gender rhetoric even more stupid & ridiculous lol. i’ve seen plenty of people identify as nonbinary and still identify with their sex-based gender. i also believe you can be female and see yourself as a woman and still use they/them or even he/him pronouns. what do u think??

(Bear with me on this, this is a long response but I hope you find it illuminating)

People regularly accuse radfems of being nazis/right wingers and I take those accusations incredibly seriously, and as I result I regularly take time to doubt my position. But the thing I keep coming back to is that:

There is no proof, and perhaps there cannot be proof, that gender exists: it is fundamentally metaphysical, spiritual, soul-like, a product of mind-body dualism, the belief that there is some nebulous internal sense of self that happens to share some labels with sex classification but also happens to completely subsume it in modern leftist discourse, despite that

Regardless of whether or not 'gender' is real, it does not form the basis of the male class oppression of women as a class, and the moment you engage with any feminist theory this fact becomes impossible to ignore. There is no true biological backing behind race and yet we are (in theory, anyway) comfortable with being able to identify and codify the oppressor and oppresses classes in that scenario; however, arguments from the mainstream left will vaguely gesture towards sex being 'fluid' as justification for the dissolution of classic feminist arguments. It's important to be suspicious of why this is and who might benefit from it;

To build on point one, due to the fact that gender has no material basis in the real world, the only 'signifiers' for it are ones that already exist as cultural schemas - and these are, naturally, taken from existing sex roles designed to uphold misogyny and, more broadly, patriachy itself. 'Gender fluid' people are at this point infamous for their tik toks of when they're male or female, and the way they demonstrate this is through short hair and comfortable clothes vs long hair and feminine styling.

Occam's razor + feminist analysis will inevitably point towards women 'identifying' with nonbinary, agender etc. simply being women who are uncomfortable with the misogynistic connotations of femaleness, and who naturally wish to disassociate from them. When you see things under that lens, you can immediately notice patterns of behaviour and language that signal the belief system they hold. To 'identify' as anything is fundamentally meaningless, and signals nothing to both yourself and others except perhaps language. As a person recovering from depression, I have been detaching myself from all rigid concepts of classifying myself and instead focussing much more on being who I am in the moment. It it much healthier to be this way (and a lot less stressful, too)

When we call ourselves 'women', this is nothing more a neutral description of our biology. And due to our status as an oppressed class, especially one based on our biology, it is of paramount importance that we retain language that succinctly names us as such. Dworkin states in Pornography that one of the powers that men have is the power of naming. We still live under patriarchy, and the language we use cannot be separated from male ideas and male thought. Men had, and have, no problem naming us as the oppressor class when it benefits them (especially in the case of prostitution and pornography), but as it has become less, let's say' popular to be seen as a man in recent years, we have seen an explosion of transgender rhetoric enter the popular consciousness. Without the ability to recognise ourselves as women, we lose statistics, we lose safe spaces away from the oppressor class, and we lose class consciousness.

As for using 'they/them' and 'he/they' pronouns - well, I'm a straight woman, but I'm aware that there is a certain lesbian tradition of using masculine pronouns. But that's in a very different context to what's being described here. I've already addressed language but let's put a laser-sighted focus on pronouns for a second:

As a culture, we default to 'he' pronouns for a reason. For a long time, we were 'mankind' and everything akin to humanity is given masculine pronouns. Cute little critters are assumed to be male, probably all your soft toys are male, the most basic of doodles are assumed to be male and only allowed to be female once they are given a dress. It should be no surprise that women who want to escape the shackles of femininity want to be called he/him - they want access to the percieved full humanity of men. Meanwhile, the only times we attribute she/her to things other than people are to things like cars, ships, and natural disasters (with the exception of mother nature, of course) - tools of warfare, accessories of masculinity, and symbols of 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'.

There is a study somewhere that shows that when you use 'they/them' as a neutral pronoun, people assume male - especially if you're referencing a prestige profession. If I were to say, I went to the doctor yesterday, they were great - you would automatically assume a male doctor. This is no accident - as already stated, maleness is the default. Women who want to use they/them are dissociating themselves from femaleness but in doing so they are accidentally using language that signifies maleness. This is why feminist analysis is so important, and why 'identifying' as something holds little water in the real world. In an ideal world, perhaps they/them could be genuinely seen as neutral - but we don't live in an ideal world; we live in a world where women are oppressed.

So to answer part of your question, no, I do not believe that 'nonbinary' and 'gender non-conforming' are the same thing; nonbinary is an attempt at classifying someone according to some nebulous, unprovable sense of internal identity that has no real material impact - and any attempt to 'express' this gender are simply taking existing sex roles and mashing them together. Gender nonconforming has a different meaning in radfem circles as it does in transgender ones - TRAs take it to mean that someone is indentifying with a different gender than they were 'assigned' at birth, but radfems simply use it to describe the physical act of being a woman (or man) who doesn't conform to expected sex roles. I am 'gnc' but that's just a neutral descriptor of my dress-sense - and it's a loose descriptor because in many ways I'm definitely not gnc in my behaviour, although I am working on my self-confidence, especially in contexts such as physical fitness and DIY. Gnc is useful shorthand for 'not conforming to sex roles in some major capacity enough to be noticeable by others' - and the only reason it's important, especially for women, is because femininity (our expected behaviour) is designed by the patriarchy to dissociate us from our bodies and keep us decorative, fragile, weak and sexually vulnerable to men.

#my writing #theory posting

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