#my therapist keeps talking about 'the meds won't help you still need to know how to prioritise tasks' I already do that

[bugfeelings]

Seeking an adhd diagnosis is like "bring someone from your childhood, someone from your adulthood, your 3 most recent report cards, $500, and your firstborn to an appointment you had to call the same practice 5 separate times to be given after following a breadcrumb trail of referring providers. you may or may not receive the diagnosis"

[calware]

post about me. i added pictures to keep it interesting

i've had a problem for most of my life that i'm currently visualizing as a gray dorito poking into me. it's frustrating, inconvenient, difficult to deal with, and overall makes everything suck a little. many people have told me that this problem is most likely adhd, such as my therapist in high school who said it was "textbook." unfortunately, she was just a therapist, not a psychiatrist, and therefore wasn't actually qualified to diagnose me with anything. this was in 2021 when there were no child psychiatrists in my area accepting new patients (thanks, covid), so instead my doctor gave me a few adhd meds at differing doses to see if any of them stuck (i had literally no reaction to Any of them) and the whole thing went nowhere

so, is the problem actually adhd? i'm an adult now and could pay several hundred dollars (of my parent's money) to get a proper test, but it would make no difference as my issues would not be solved by adhd medication (maybe. i'm worried i somehow messed it up) or any form of accommodations. i don't want to ask my parents to pay for something that likely won't have much impact (and my mom wouldn't be fully convinced anyway. both parents are pretty sure there's nothing wrong with me). i want to know, but the time and money don't justify it. so the best solution i have is to keep going, keep learning which lifestyle changes to make and how to "work smarter". i'll be okay. and i say that with sincerity

whoops, forgot my glasses here. this is another gray dorito-shaped problem, only this one is much smaller. i rarely notice it, and when i do, it's superficial. it's only gotten genuinely bad twice in my life. it's my paranoia, obsessiveness, and, on occasion, compulsions that follow those obsessions. now, i know what you're thinking, which is that it kind of sounds like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. frankly, from my understanding, my issue is so negligible that it doesn't qualify as OCD. like i said, it barely affects me. it still bothers me that it's there, though. i do my best to deal with it, letting my thoughts pass as they come to me and not trying not to give into/breaking out of compulsions, but i just don't want it there at all

this is another thing i could see a therapist about, but does a problem this small really justify the time and expenses of seeing a professional? not in my case (not for me, at least. don't apply this to your own problems if you genuinely want to seek professional help)

i have a goal to have enough disposable income later in life to justify paying a scientist to pick through my brain for my own amusement. because, despite no substantial foreseeable improvements to my mental health after getting a psych evaluation, i still find the idea to be really exciting. i have a strong desire to understand how my mind works, how my brain ticks, why i am the person i am. that's how i know that if i ever played sburb, id have the heart aspect (that's right. you thought that this was just a personal post on my homestuck blog that had nothing to do with homestuck. do you really think i would do that? make off-topic posts solely about me on a homestuck blog? look, i even remembered to draw my glasses this time and i made them homestuck glasses. because i care about you guys) and i am vain and self-centered enough to desperately want someone with a phd to talk about me for an hour. and no, i don't need a therapist to tell me why that is, i already figured that one out allllll on my own

[carrickbender]

Sunday 7-

I had 2 drs appointments on Friday, one of which was a CT that was supposed to help figure out why I have so much pain in my right testicle(TMI). It saw nothing, so now we get to keep guessing. Boss told me to "take weekend off", but was doing the morning orders/teams call every day between 5-7, trying to fix stuff and do reconciliations. Glad they trust me with this, but wanna give a 'high five' to my imposter syndrome telling me im gonna get fired any day.

- had to take Henry to urgent care on Saturday, and it turns out he has the start of pneumonia. Wanna give a big shout out to the ARNP who told me she really thought he should just 'ride it out' after 10 days of awful coughing and that their kids 'were still in it after a month'. Yeah, the PA said there was no way he wasn't leaving without antibiotics. Made me feel like an asshole parent... he's on day 2, and already more of himself.

- I went back up there today for me, and I have pretty severe bronchitis. He put me on a different antibiotic, more steroids, refilled my inhaler, and actually listened to me. I mean, I appreciated his care and actual concern. Fun situation: while I was there, a tree fell across the powerlines and tripped off most of town, so they had to go to back-up generators. There was a hall full of people, in a brown out, that the staff were managing like pros. Seriously, we are lucky to have that place.

-after today, I have 4 payments left on my car. 4. I think we will wait till June, and then it's 4 door vehicle time. The lunabug is getting taller, and we want to go see my dad/stepmom in Eastern Wa in something that has space. Everybody and their dog has sent me one of those damn, "interested in a new car loan? It's OK to check your rate, and won't hurt your credit" messages and as soon as my credit union chimes in, I'm sure we'll have something to talk about.

- speaking of something to not talk about, I learned a new term and joined a subredit today called 'dead bedrooms', and yeah, checks out completely. I don't have a therapist yet, so it's not a bad sorce of info or me trying to figure out what I have messed up(apparently, yet again).

- so I had to stop at Walmart(yay for small business destruction by a corporate giant!) for meds/a few groceries and this dingus in an f250 with a WA st license plate celebrating wrestling decided he needed to back into a compact space that was in front of me. He almost hit the first car on the way in(who had to stop and back up), but then he literally backed his 'not a farm truck but a penis extension' into the compact space in front of me, and thanks to me backing up knowing he would have been sticking out if I didn't, he took 3 feet of my spot and his hitch was literally 4 inches from hitting my car. In my space. And that entitled piece of shit didn't even look to see how close he was, he just walked away like he was the king of backing up. Look, I have no problem with wrestlers, but the only one who matters in my life is John Irving, and I think he would have been sensitive enough not to be a shit bird like that! (Part 1 of 2 rant)

- I wanted to share a thought or 2 about something I've seen going about on here for a little bit, because I think i need to say avfew things:

I love that I have so many people I follow here who take stances for the poor, marginalized, POC, and other underrepresented communities-not just in a perfunctory way of saying 'I support you'; but quite a few of you are actually involved in helping bring about change and strengthening communities by being unselfish hands that help heal hearts- you inspire me to be a better person, really. As a person of faith, I see you doing the work that many faith leaders of old spoke of when they talked of when they said, "serve as you have been served, and love as you have been loved"- and seeing that faith in action, it has made me read more about liberation theology and revisit the works of the Rt Rev Bishop Desmond Tutu, Dietrich Bonhoffer, and Dr Martin Luther King jr(and of the later, 'Why I oppose the war in Vietnam' is just as relevant now as it was then). I thank you all for this inspiration and work.

But what I have really come to realize about myself is that I am a person of privilege. I am a white CISmale, straight, accessed a good education at a young age, had a huge extended family that helped raise me when my mom had me at 17, have never had to worry about my gender causing me to be looked at differently, have a good job(for now), have access to clean water, don't live in a food desert, and save for the fact that I understood discrimination at a very young age thanks to my last name, I know that I have lived a mostly privileged life.

But there is one privilege I will never take for granted, and that's voting. And yes, I don't always vote my conscience because at heart, I am a democratic Socialist. But I always vote in my local and state house election because it is in places like your local school board or your city council where you can stop the spread of groups like 'Moms for Liberty' or any of the other neo-fascist organizations that seek to change education or change for the worse how cities deal with their population experiencing homelessness. If I stay home from these elections, I feel like I'm spitting on my great grandmother's grave(whose name I found on the voting roll of the first year that women could vote in Basin, Montana). I feel like I'm not being a good parent or a community member for sticking up for my sons right(or other kids rights) to read books in the school library that have a rainbow(let alone letting kids see representation for non-traditional families that are just the same as everybody else!). So please, if you're feeling crappy about the election, this right here is the biggest way to affect change if you don't know where to start or affirm.there is something you can do to really make a difference. Don't see enough representation of POC on your city council, especially in multi-ethnic communities? Hear a trans voice that would make for a great representative for all people? Fill in those boxes, act locally, and get those folks elected! It works if you work it!

I hear a lot of voices talking about Joe Biden these days, and I feel numb and angry about a lot of things that have been done in our names too: I hate HATE what is happening in Gaza(PBUT); I hate our support of Saudi Arabia and the proxy war in Yemen; Our jaunts in Zaire and Jordan; I hate that we are no closer to universal Healthcare, but I understand that that road and others lead through a Republican congress. I love that child poverty is declining, but programmes that were designed to make this a reality are sunsetting. We have a barbaric and truly archaic policy on immigration, and every time(that's not hyperbole, either), every goddamn time a good bill has been proposed to deal with the issue, the bill has been met by the xenophobic forces on the right and their deep pockets fueling the media and it is destroyed out of fear. And let's not forget student debt forgiveness, the continued dismantling of public education by states like Texas and Florida, Our goal of dismantling of the prison industrial complex, the protection of reproductive healthcare, and the dire need for nationwide police reform.

Yes, our laundry list is long, but it is full of necessary things that need to change or be codified in order for a great change to happen for generations and the continuatonof this great experiment called the U.S.A.

And for all of this and more, I ask: where are the leaders of our generation on this? Where are the ghosts of John Lewis, of Paul Wellstone, and of Shirley Chisholm? Thankfully, our leaders and the ghostsbof their forebearers are there- they are doing their best, and thankfully we(those of us on the progressive side) are represented by POC women who will go to the mat for these issues and more, being inspired by those who came before them. But the more that I think about it, it's time that we offer an ultimatum: we'll give you our voting block, Joe. We'll help bring along the majority of the 9 million new voters who are coming of age this year, so you will have a supermajority with which you can put forth truly transformative legislation. Sure, you'll get us- for now. But if it's businesses as usual, if we are not knocking over the tables of the money changers, and if we are not investing more in programmes of social uplift than we are for the military industrial complex, then we strike. Not in 2028, as one of my absolute favourite people on here suggest, but in 2026, in early summer. Because it is people like me, those of us who have know privilege and continue to know it, who are finally waking up to the truth that we need to do the work. We need to do the heavy lifting. I'm willing to make that offer, and I hope I'm not alone, because there either needs to be a change in the way our political system operates, or we walk away and start our own political entity. I hope I'm not alone in the way I feel, and I hope that we can all make the proposition. We have the leaders, we have the people, now it's about courage. It's time.

But for today, if you can pull the lever for democrats nationally, I totally get it. But consider what I said about voting locally, and in local races and elect people who represent your values. It matters.

- ok, rant over: if you made it this far, know that I love you all and I hope this week brings good things for you. Remember what Pete Seeger always said: "Take it easy, but take it". Much love yall!

[messofmoss]

monday, june 17, 2024

3:45am

woke up and realized i fell asleep before telling julia good morning. so i message her. though a bit sad she's not said anything to me. my mind: "of course she hasn't said anything. she was probably happy you hadn't messaged her so she could have a fucking break from you. she doesn't want to fucking talk to you. just leave her alone."

going to try to pee and go back to sleep.

3:54am

brain: "would anyone notice if you were gone? would they care? would they be happy? you should have just left her alone. she's probably pissed to see your message. she finally thought she escaped you and poof there you fucking are again. why are you even trying still? it's clear she doesn't give a fuck about you. she's just waiting for you to get the hint and leave her alone. just leave her the fuck alone. leave her alone..."

going to try to watch tiktok or something and hope it can help me get back to sleep. brain is loud.

4:01am

"'let me know how your morning goes'? when does she ever do that anymore? she's not going to fucking do that. she's probably rolling her eyes right now. she doesn't think about you when you're gone..."

4:02am

she just replied saying "descansa 😘" a kissy face is better than nothing but she didn't say she would let me know anything so she probably won't. she used to tell me to let her know how my night goes but she doesn't do that anymore either. she probably doesn't want to know now or care to know now about my sad boring fucking life.

and i am teary yet again. "leave her alone, leave her alone, leave her alone..."

4:11am

"are you okay? are you okay? are you okay? are you okay? are you okay?" bouncing around my brain like the dvd screensaver but faster. always hitting close to the corner but never actually in it. dissatisfying. "no no no no no no no"

already this much and i've not woken up for the day yet. can't even just sit here and train of thought my brain. just trying to get the gist of it. i feel like its both helping to write it down and also making me feel embarrassed. my brain likes that i'm writing it down because it's like i'm making the thoughts permanent. etching them into stone where they belong. the truth.

"its not the truth i know its not its not its not but it feels like it is but i know its not. if she didnt care about you at all she wouldn't even answer. she doesn't have to answer you. she wants your attention. only for an ego boost. that's all you're good for. that's why she keeps you around. lilly keeps you around as her therapist. john keeps you around for fuck knows why at this point. the potential of fucking again eventually? bc his daughter loves you? bc he is too lazy to break up with you? your cats would miss you. they need you. koda needs you he needs medicine. mom would just let him die. the medicine is only prolonging his suffering. you're so fucking selfish. i miss emi so fucking much."

gonna stop writing it down now and tiktok til i sleep

8:16pm

home from work and hating myself 🤪

the automatic switch to the seductress character strikes again. i know what to say and how to say it. i can drive him crazy. i was trained so well that i can't stop. the first sign of it and she comes out. i'm watching it happen on a movie screen. she toys with him. the illusion of control. she's in control of him but i'm not in control of her. i scream inside "stop stop stop" but my thumbs aren't mine. they're his right now. he asks me if i am attracted to his body after he sends a nude. she says what she's supposed to say but all i'm thinking is no stop. "do you like my dick?"

as soon as it ends, the walls crumble and cave in on themselves, burying me. i breathe in dirt and dust, and she's just gone. i'm left with the wreckage and disgust.

10:07pm

my mom asked me if i'm still taking my meds. i said yes why? and she said because she can tell i've been struggling lately so she just wanted to make sure. she kept asking if i'm okay like actually okay. i still feel so guarded around her. plus it really is just impossible to actually express emotions in front of someone staring at me. seeing the worry on her face. what am i supposed to say to her? i'm haunted by my exes in general but especially one. there's a war in my mind. everything is confusing. i don't know who i am. i don't even feel like a real person. not a day goes by where i don't think about disappearing. my cats (not her) are the only things tethering me to this world. i'm used over and over as a sex toy and it disgusts me but i can't stop it. my dad has fucked me up and i don't even know the extent of it which scares me but she wouldn't understand that. i have already tried talking to her about that but she says "no you're his daughter though it's different" so different. that's why he told me to try out being a hot wife like his porn? why he would lay on my young teenage body in a darkened room until i woke up? why he told me if he were my age he'd think i'm hot when i was 13? why i still cover my ass around men because i couldn't walk by him without him doing something? why he told me that i could have as many sleepovers as i want as long as we have lots of pillow fights? why he literally got busted for a video that he described as being like what me and my friend did when we were like 12-13? finding out as an adult that he wasn't a normal dad. not all dads are like that. and this isn't even getting into his anger issues.

i'm in a state of constant restlessness that i can't do anything about because i'm also endlessly exhausted. my mood at any given time hinges on what a girl in spain thinks about me.

SPEAKING OF HER

we were talking about donuts earlier while i was at work. then i didn't answer for 13 minutes. and in spanish, she basically says "have i ever told you that i'm often laying like this in bed?" and she sent me a one time view full body picture of her in bed. with shorts on so her thighs were showing and like she has nevereverever sent me anything like that before especially not so randomly???? i drew the pose lol

and her shirt was in a way that her tits looked like beautiful rolling hills. rjfjejdjndhfjdj but like literally never before has she done this. and she was wearing her glasses. she knows i love her in glasses. if she ever sends me a nighttime selfie, it is close up on her face usually just half of her face even or with her face partially covered by her blanket. idk it just felt so unusual. like she was temp checking to see if i still like her. i did NOT compliment her even though i wanted to. so round of applause for me. idk idk idk i gotta stop thinking about it. about her. all of it.

[the1975attheirverybest]

You are the sweetest soul. How can someone be so kind and caring? Reading your response felt like a reassuring hug and made me cry a little don't tell anyone lol.

I've been feeling like shit but keeping my head above water for a while but I ran out of energy today and can't ignore the feeling anymore yk. Idk if you remember but I'm trans and from florida and the news hasn't been so great lately. Hearing stuff like that everyday wears a person out after a while and its hard to act normal. I was also recently diagnosed with autism which I'm having a hard time coming to terms with for some reason. Idk it makes me happy and sad and then guilty for being sad cause logically I know theres no reason to be sad but its there and its embarrassing (not the autism the sadness).

Ok I'm done sorry for all that I won't dump my shit on you anymore! I feel like you help so many people on here and I don't want to overwhelm you or add to your burden or anything. I did take my meds after reading your thing though so thank you!! - 🕺

Hey, you will NEVER be a burden, alright?!! Don’t ever say that!! You can talk to me whenever you like!!

I can’t imagine what it must be like, everyday, living in a place that is increasingly criminalizing your identity as a human being. It’s fucked up just emotionally, even setting aside how difficult it is to get access to affirming healthcare. I’m so so sorry you’re going through that. In the year of our lord 2023, it enrages me that we are still dealing with this shit.

Hey, I obviously don’t know what it’s like to receive an autism diagnosis, but I will say that, when I first went on meds for my depression and anxiety and….laundry list of mental illnesses, it was hard. Even though I had been in therapy for a year before that! And, even before getting the diagnosis from a therapist, I’d known since I was a child that I wasn’t “normal.” So, it was by no means shocking news to me when my psychiatrist was like “yes you need these pills to function.” But it still felt reallllyyyy weird to me. I don’t know why. Like, I remember walking around the street near after leaving the psychiatrist office, and thinking “how fucked up is it that my brain needs pills to be able to do the things that normal people do easy.” It took a little getting used to.

So, take your time with it. Process it however you need to process it. For some people it takes days, for others it might take longer. You’re entitled to your own feelings about it and rushing yourself or ignoring how you feel isn’t fair. You wouldn’t do it to anyone else so give yourself that same kindness 💗💗 you’re just as deserving as everyone else.

and, if it doesn’t feel like it’s too much, come back on here and tell me how you’re feeling when you’re able to!

[mahalshairyballs]

Oooooh I like this.... But it made me think of Layla since Steven and Marc are dating her but then she discovers there is another person that the third alter is dating, pr even when Steven go to her and tell her how mad he's at Marc for not telling him that he loves him or keep telling him that the relationship is weird.

I think the poor thing would be exhausted, she has no family left , she has a dangerous job so she mist keep it low which mean she might not have that many friends, and now all these problems are being thrown at her if you know what I mean?

It must be so hard for her to keep everyone in check , get them to therapy, trying to understand there situation, sweet talking everyone of them to make them feel better, reminding them of the meds they must take , feeding them , must to face Kunsho she also might still be twaret avatar.

Like it's about time that all of this will exhaust her mentality and she can't tell that to the system because she's to afraid they'll take it the wrong way and think she's tired of them so she keeps it inside of her until God knows when .

You're right, it'd be a lot for Layla.

I won't deny that she gets frustrated a few times.

Initially she won't know everything that's going on though, and let's keep in mind that it won't all be happening at the same time lol

A lot of it will be dealt between themselves. But whenever she gets aware that something is going on, she does want to help.

In the beginning, she'll mostly learn if something's going on through Steven.

Jake wouldn't tell, and his behavior with her would barely change, he'd be a bit more grumpy maybe, that's about it. He'd probably vent to Khonshu though. Khonshu probably won't be listening, but it'd help Jake anyway. He'd vent by doing Moon Knight stuff too.

Marc will commit to share more. But his progress there will be very gradual. And whenever there's a problem, it's still not his reflex/first thought to share or ask for help. Option 1 is usually to fix it by himself, option 2 is to repress those feelings and keep them locked down.

Steven : there's an option 3

Marc : what ?

Steven: there's a third option!

Marc : what is it ?

Steven: Layla! You could tell her what's going on.

Marc : ah yeah, right, yeah...I'll do that

For Steven, he needs to share. He shares everything. We saw it when he talked to his 'mom', when he tried to make friends at work, with Crowley. So he'll do that with Layla for sure, and that's also why they need a therapist. Might be why Layla suggests it to Steven, so he doesn't dump everything on her. As much as she wants to help, she can't be their only confident.

Although Steven might keep talking to Crowley lmao, and Marc maybe does too (and Jake?) since Marc knew his name in the underworld.

Layla has her own problems too. She's not perfect, she has her own memories that follow her that she has to deal with. So they'll be there to help her too when she needs it.

It's important to my OTPs that there's this mutual help, mutual growth. As many issues as the characters might have, all my OTPs do that, it's key. So it'll be there.

Layla might not have that many friends, but I think she has some. Yeah her work is risky, but in the black market and in adventures you can find a few good friends.

.

Last thing (I think?) : Jake and other people.

That one is a little tricky.

I think that'd help that Layla knew Steven first. Since she got the time to really see them as different people before meeting Jake. And she knows Jake goes out at night and has a complete other life out there (it's mostly Moon Knight and cabbie work though).

She will ask him if he 'sees other people' and he will ask her permission to do that (even though he's already seeing other people when he asks that so...it's just a formality lmao).

They'll get into an agreement about this, even before Marc learns about Jake's existence. Marc will be the most against Jake seeing anyone. Which will piss off Jake since he doesn't sleep with Layla so he can't even sleep with anyone at all??

Marc & Jake : *cats hissing*

Steven : help ! 😫

Tl:dr Yes it's a lot of work. But Layla has decided to get (back) with them, so she's committed. And they'll be there for her too ❤

[vtforpedro]

health - TWs in tags please read them

I wish I could say I'm doing better. I was, actually, for a while after I got on this new med. finally felt a good bit of relief from the severity and was working on art like crazy, even tho I am noticeably going downhill in other areas? about two weeks ago the severity came back with a vengeance and I feel like my body is slowly giving up. not just me, but my body. I feel extremely unwell and off and like something is deeply wrong, which is how I felt at the beginning of all of this. scares me my symptoms are getting worse and I have new ones. living in actual hell right now and just want it to stop I finally got my 'urgent' MRIs done a couple of days ago and the reports came in last night. pm everything looks the same except one thing and that's 'minimal CSF flow [medical jargon for the back of my brain] decreased significantly and more conspicuous on this exam' in comparison to april 2021. when you have minimal spinal fluid flow in an area of your brain, you're typically symptomatic and I am. very. symptomatic lol scares me even more got an appt with the big specialist at the neuro hospital in 5 weeks but genuinely don't feel like I'm going to make it. I keep telling my mom I'm going to end up in the ER soon because of how bad it's getting I can barely walk without losing my balance, I'm losing muscle mass, having trouble swallowing, thinking clearly about anything at all, typoing and mixing up words constantly, mixing up my meds despite my pill box, not having much of a memory anymore. scared to take a shower, scared I'm going to fall or pass out daily so I try to carry my phone everywhere like idk falling apart physically and emotionally and still waiting to be taken more seriously. my neuro just wants to wipe his hands clean of me and send me off to the specialist but it's like my guy that's far away and I am suffering. I didn't think I would make it yesterday emotionally or physically lol I don't know how to keep doing this. I truly don't. I don't want to, I don't want to suffer and feel like I'm going to fall and die in pain and agony soon. I go to sleep afraid I won't wake up but lately I've been hoping that's the case because at least I won't be afraid or in pain. I feel alone. I feel like only my mom would care if I was gone. I feel like no one cares to hear about this anymore and would rather I just stop talking about it when I need support now more than ever I'm sorry to talk like this but it's how I feel. wondering if you are actively dying, going to die, should call the paramedics, go to the er, end things for yourself, all day long, every single day, is not only exhausting but it's not living I saw my pcp and she said I looked miserable, unwell, unhappy. she said it like three times and said she was sorry I felt so unwell. but because my labs were not off the charts abnormal it's just 'eh drink a little more water' and idk. I feel like I am telling these doctors serious, serious things about what's happening to me and none of them will ever care. none of them will ever lift a finger if it means they have to research or ask for help because it hurts their egos and people suffer for it I suffer. I wanted so badly to work on medical trauma with my therapist but the only thing we talk about is how severely my body has deteriorated each week and how I can barely handle it lol I obvs can't go to a hospital, the lights and sounds and meds and my health conditions would do me in lmao so she asks me what we can do to keep me here and I don't know anymore I'm sorry. I am in a lot of pain right now

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hey!

TW: depression, anxiety, fatigue, medication

Do you guys have any advice on how to get a somewhat restful night's sleep? Or do you know ways to overcome fatigue during the day?

I have depression and anxiety, which caused me to get very little sleep over a relatively long period of time. So I was tired all the time but still couldn't sleep at night.

Now the depression and anxiety has gotten better because I'm treated for it. I also was prescribed medication to help me sleep. And it does help me fall asleep but at the same time it causes me to be really tired during the day. Which especially makes getting up in the morning very difficult.

So I have talked about this with my therapist and she said that I probably need my medication adjusted because this one obviously does not really work for me. But I need to go see another psychologist to get different medication prescribed and I have to wait quite some time until I get an appointment there.

While I'm waiting for that appointment I can either stop taking the medication I have at the moment and deal with the fact that I again won't be able to fall asleep and that my nightmares will come back or I'll continue taking the medication but will be really fatigued and lethargic during the day.

I was wondering if you maybe know any methods to prevent nightmares or how to calm down after having them. Or anything to help me fall asleep in the first place and to calm my thoughts down in general when I want to fall asleep. As taking this medication is especially problematic when there is a certain time I have to get up in the morning (right now for example because of exams I cant miss). I have already missed all of my alarms on some days because of it, or it sometimes takes me up to an hour to actually be somewhat awake and get out of bed. I definitely can't risk that when I have important stuff to attend, like exams, so I'll have to not take the medication on those days.

Thank you so much for reading! Have a nice day!

Hey anon,

When it comes to meds, it's always best that you talk to a doctor before changing things. However, depending on the medication, you could take half the amount as usual, which can help you sleep, but not for as long, so you may have a better chance of waking up with your alarms. I highly recommend talking to a pharmacist about this. They know medication better than a typical doctor and are, in my experience, happy to answer any questions you have about your medications.

For sleep, I think one of the most important things is having a routine. It can take some time to figure out what sort of routine works best for you.

Pick a time to start the routine. This should be at least an hour before you want to be asleep (or trying to sleep). Start decreasing the stimuli around you. Turn the lights down, decrease noise, brush teeth, change clothes, have your last snack, and fill up your water bottle. Make sure your sleeping area is clear and clean, a good temperature, devoid of light and noise, and anything else you need to feel comfortable. Lavender can help some people sleep.

Meditating in bed can help calm your baseline of anxiety and stress. This needs to be practiced regularly to work. Go easy on yourself if you're having trouble concentrating on the meditation or your thoughts are wandering. It takes practice to clear the mind.

Here is a progressive muscle relaxation.

Here, here, here, and here are guided sleep meditations.

Here are thunder/rain sounds. Here is white noise. Here is meditation music. See what works for you. I listen to the rainfall one all night. This can help, especially if you find there are a lot of noises in your home.

For nightmares, keep a journal and try to write in it as soon as you wake from the nightmare. Get everything out. Then, remind yourself that you are safe. Here are some grounding exercises.

Here is a worksheet on nightmares. A strategy counselors use for nightmares is nightmare rescripting, which involves seeing your nightmares as movie scripts, writing them down, and then reading them. Then, you attempt to change the story by rescripting the story and reading the new version to yourself.

The daytime fatigue may not subside too much until you address the root problem, but some tips for getting through the day are to eat regularly and a well-balanced diet. Drink lots of water. If possible, try to move around. Do yoga, go for a brisk walk, dance, run, lift weights, or something else that gets your heartrate going a bit.

Remember that even if you lie in bed and try to sleep, it's better than not trying at all. Wishing you well!

- Misa

[jinxthequeergirl]

That night

Quentin smith x reader

Summary: a story in which Quentin dies at the hands of freddy and you are left to grieve.

Warning: DEATH AND ANGST!

~~~~~

You stared blankly at your shoes kicked out in front of you with your arms folded across your chest and a spaced out look on your face as your new therapist continued to speak.

"y/n are you listening?" you blinked slowly a few times before looking up at her. "Hmm?...yea! Yes Mrs.newton I...I'm listening."

She sighed looking at you disapointedly. "So...like I was saying in going to ask a few questions just to get a sense of-"

"How bad I am?..."

"That's not reall-"

"No I get it....ask." she opened up her folder on her desk as you adjusted yourself on the couch in front of her looking up at her with your same blank expression. The one that seemed to be frozen on your face ever since that night.

You yawned and rubbed your eyes as she finally settled on a paper.

"Alright so I have just a few basic questions I need you to answer and then some things your mom asked me to review with you alright?"

You nodded spinning your braclet around your wrist. Answering her basic questions with easie. Things like "what hobbies do you have?" "favioret type of music?" silly things like that.

"So would you mind telling me why YOU think your here?"

You let out a heartless chuckle and rolled your eyes looking down at the braclet. "My mom thinks I'm crazy..."

"Why would you think that?"

You looked the answer froze on your lips when you saw him standing there behind her. Face barrely even recanizable cuts all across his torso, his eyes where shut and he breathed slowly.

"y/n?" Mrs.Newton called, your breath seemed to be lost as he just stood there from behind her.

"y/n, what's wrong? What is it?" she looked behind her at the spot where you stared."y/n, answer me, please."

"Que...Quentin?..." You called ojt scooting closer to the edge of tge couch. his eyes shot open revealing black pits instead of eyes and his mouth opened to speak but blood poured from it you jumped back letting out a horrified scream and shutting your eyes. "y/n! y/n! Calm down!" Mrs.Newton had moved from her desk to sit next to you and you opened your eyes not seeing him anymore.

"What happened? What happened?" she yelled attenpting to calme you down, you breathed shakily as she did so, still staring ahead at the corner.

"I...I...I saw him...He was-" if tears wheren't sliding down your face already, they where now.

Mrs.Newton sighed. "Listen to me sweetie...your mother tells me you haven't been sleeping properly now from what I can tell that was simply just a-"

"Micronap?" You interrupt pulling your eyes from the corner. " No...No I know that...I know.." She nodded and moved back to her desk. "Well if you know that...why won't you sleep? You are clearly struggling to deal with the effects of it."

"Be...because..."

"I'm all ears you can trust me."

You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out as you let your mind wonder to that night.

~

"Hey isn't that it?" you pointed at the preschool just a few feet ahead of the three of you catching both Quentin and nancys attention.

"Yup that's it allright." You nodded starting twoards the building but Quentin grabbed your wrist stopping you from going ahead of them. He let you go when you looked at him frowning as he did so.

"C'mon lets get this over with."

~

"It's my fault he's dead...I should of just stayed awake then i could of waken him up...but..i.."

"y/n,who? Quentin? Nancy? The other kids they found murdered at the preschool with you?"

You nodded slowly,pulling your knees to yojr chest.

"y/n What happened to them was out of your controle-"

"That's not true! you don't understand I could have saved him! He was my best friend and...and I let him die....I let then both die!"

Tears build in your eyes again upon just thinking about it. "Your right I don't understand...but maybe you can tell me so I can understand and help you."

"...it was the same thing with dean, Kris and Jesse....we just wanted it to stop. We wanted HIM to stop!"

"Who?"

~

You grabbed an old lantern from the floor clicking it to life and handing another to Nancy. The place was quite, cold and musty even the slightest sound set you on edge. You walked close to quentin in fear of losing him. "Here!" Nancy called shining her light on a small opeining in the wall, covered by wooden planks poorly nailed to the wall to cover it.

The three of you set to work on pulling them apart, until you where finally in.

~

"Y/n freddy kruger has been dead for years...he can't...he couldn't.."

"You wheren't there! You don't know!" You yelled. She sighed. "Your right...my apologies...why don't we wait to talk about that night...what's sometging you would be comfortable with?"

You shrugged helplessly and continued to play with the braclet on your wrist. "Thats a beautiful braclet...where did you get it?"

"Quentin..." You repiled with a mumble.

"He must have really loved you to get you something like that."

"I mean i guess."

"How about we talk about him, it'll help both of us."

"Ok..." You stated slowly.

~

All you had to do, was stay awake while nancy slept. But neither you or quentin could do that. You both ended up falling asleep cuddled next to eachother.

And then befire you knew it freddy had you pulled into his chest his fingers ready to sclice your throat open and quentin looked on horrified.

"Let her go.." He sayed shakily.

"Quentin... Wake up!"

"No..y/n...its going to be ok...just let her go you fucker!"

Freddy laughed. "Ooh going to play the hero now are you?"

He took a deep wiff of you hair before grinning. "I might just keep her."

With out thinking, he charged at the both of you knocking freddy down.

"Y/n lets go!" He took your hand and started running.

You both looked back every once in a while to check but, you where both stopped when freddy appered infront of you and plunged his knifed fingers deep into Quentins chest.

"No!"

You stumbled back as freddy let him drop. "Y/n...go!" He cried out.

You looked around and grabbed one if the hot pippes burning your hand and waking yourselve up.

"Quentin!" Yiu turned to him in your seat.

"Im fine, im fine..."

You brought a hand up to your mouth looking at the wound in his chest.

"No,no...nancy-" you stopped and fell back seeing freddy had already got to her.

"Y/n get out of here."

"Quentin.." You sat next to him again taking his face gingerly. "Evrything is...everything is going to be ok!" He smiled weakly and leaned up best he could and kissed your cheek.

"Go..."

~

"Bring her back every week and i think eventually, she'll feel comfortable enough to talk about it." You mom nodded.

"I should warn you she had a micronap in the middle of the session..."

Mrs.Newtons voice fadded out as you sat in the sitting room of the theripists office. You looked ahead once again seeing Quentin appere in the seat across from you, black holes staring at you blankly, hurt. Your breath got caught in your throat, and you squeezed your eyes shut.

The truth was you wheren't sure what Freddy did to the two of them, you ran to the to leve of the preschool like quentin had told you, you could hear him scream as you did so. But you saw there bodies and thats not how you left them.

"I'm sorry..."

"What was that?" You opened your eye's to see tour mom infront of you. "Nothing! I...just sleep talking..."

"At least your sleeping...somewhat...c'mon we have to pick up your med refills and dad has dinner cooking."

You nodded and followed her from the office. You looked back and still saw him sitting there but this time freddy sat next to him, holding his hand and waved at you.

"Sweet dreams." He smirked and blew you a kiss.

[idek-how-do-ifeel]

So, you keep seeing my Instagram stories. And I know perfectly well I can remove you from my followers, or block you, or do something to stop you from seeing my shit, but... I just can't 

Tbh I don't entirely know why. Idk. It really sucks.

A friend of mine tells me that you're going to reach out to me eventually, and I don't really know if that's gonna happen bc tbh I know you, and I can tell that from the few "interactions" you've had with me you think that "you've done your part" and that now is my turn. But tbh I won't. Srsly I won't. Yes, I admit that I've seen some of your stories (bc they appear to me when you see mine) but that doesn't mean that I want to talk to you or something. I won't take that step. It doesn't fucking concerns me. If someone will take that step, it'll have to be YOU. Bc I did too much already.

So I keep asking myself if you'll reach out with me eventually, maybe you don't even think about it, and it's just me overthinking, as usual, idk.

But then I ask myself: Do I want you to reach out? I don't know.

Maybe part of me wants to. Not bc I want to get back with you. DEFINITELY NOT.

But maybe to tell you some shit.

Some shit I've written before in here.

To let you know how much you meant to me. How much you still mean to me

But also how much you've hurt me. How much I needed you when you decided to stop trying to save our relationship. How you left when I needed you the most.

How much I still love you. But also how I won't let you get back into my life and let you affect the sort of stability I've reached (that I've NEVER reached before)

(NOTE: IT IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO EMPHASIZE THAT THE STABILITY I'VE REACHED IS NOT BC OF YOUR ABSENCE, it's just what I've accomplished thanks to the meds and the therapy and just some circumstances that just happen to be there. Tbh the pandemic kinda helped me in that aspect)

Bc even though those "interactions" with you have actually affected me, they haven't affected me as much as I thought they would, how they would've affected me at some point

Bc, as I've said before, now that I am better, maybe  we could actually work out. Maybe even you are better. But idk, it's too risky. And it scares me.

And most importantly, I have to emphasize the fact that I'm not available when you fucking want to. Like I'm not at your disposition. I TRIED. I REALLY FUCKING TRIED ALL. THE. TIME. I did what I could. It's not on me anymore.

And even though I kinda want to know about you (like what have you been up to, how have you been, what's new in your life, how you feel) I think it could be too risky.

But I still don't know.

Like, if you would reach out I would only accept to talk to you to tell you all the fucking stuff I've been venting in here and with all my friends and therapist (that they must be tired of it tbh)

Like some sort of process I need to go through (but not necessarily, bc I won't fuckin make a move to get to it)

So yep, I think that was it. End of the venting session.

[swiftiesupportgroup]

Semester 1 results are out soon and I'm positive I failed one of my units. I'm so stressed because I don't want people to think I'm dumb. I also know I won't be able to handle re-doing the unit as well as my units for next semester. I just don't know how to cope.

Hi sweetie,

I’m sorry to hear you’re so stressed out right now, sending you a big comforting hug💞

I think the most important thing to realize is that you did the best you could, and that’s all anybody can do. Also, there’s nothing left to do to change anything, so stressing out about it only serves to make you even more stressed out. It’s a bit of a vicious cycle. I can very much relate to this. I’ve always stressed myself out so much about test results and more often than not, I worried for nothing. And even if I did worry for a good reason, I learned that having to take a resit or even graduating later than planned is really not the end of the world. And it certainly isn’t more important than your mental health.

I think it’s really easy these days to crumble under all of these expectations, whether it be in school, everyone taking the same AP classes to get into college, no jobs, student loans, etc.

The pressure that young people are expected to deal with is unprecedented. And we don’t even realize how damaging that can be. Adolescence and young adulthood are critical times for brain development, which is negatively impacted by high levels of stress. Like severely negatively impacted. 

So many (probably the majority of) students are working themselves into breakdowns and burn outs before even turning 21. Anxiety related illnesses are at an all time high. 

And we’re all like, yeah we’re suffering but let’s keep on going, go go go! And then, when you finish (or drop out of) college, your an emotional wreck deserving of some rest. But all you get is more competitive job hunting, more pressure, student loans, basically no hopes for a job you studied for because let’s face it, us millennials, we’re kind of screwed. And we just keep going going going. We’re literally working ourselves into mental illnesses because who could take that kind of pressure? No one, and so we all suffer. (I don’t mean this in a gloomy way though well maybe kind of but I do have a point, hang in there with me). 

We forget that we are all humans who deserve to be happy and not suffer emotionally (or physically for that matter). 

We forget that we matter enough to self care, to rest and to experience relaxation and stress free living. Some actual joy and comfort. 

We forget how important it is to self care because when you do, you do feel better, you can do more, you can get more confidence. It’s an upward spiral. 

And it’s like none of us have the clarity or distance to even see ourselves that way, so we just keep working ourselves to death no questions asked because those are the times we are living in.

And that’s just not acceptable. We matter and we deserve to feel at least well enough to be functional human beings. But we don’t put enough effort into caring for ourselves, and often we are discouraged even to actively self care. And that’s such a shame. Because if you don’t feel good, it affects everything and it becomes this really negative vicious cycle your spending all of your energy on. When in stead we could put all of this energy into self care, and feel better, which makes us more likely to succeed in reaching our goals. 

Ok now this got way longer than I intended, sorry about that!

So now for the practical advice: 

I know it’s way easier said than done to let go of things and focus on something else, something positive. But if you can manage, it might be good for you to try. *Though it’s important to know that if you’re at a point where absolutely anything is too much, this is not gonna work, I’ve been there too. In that case I’d suggest you see your doctor and ask for a referral for a therapist who can help you cope and manage your stress.

Something that has worked for me is creating distractions for myself. I’m really good at procrastinating, and I’ve learned that you can actually procrastinate your stress. Whenever I’d get overwhelmed and on the verge of a panic attack, I’d say to myself: ‘NO. STOP. Think about something else. NOW.’ Then I would actively distract myself with music/ tv shows/books/cooking/organizing/tumblr/anything that would occupy my mind fully. And in a matter of minutes I’d be preoccupied with my new activity and actually not think about whatever was stressing me out. So I procrastinated my stress right until I had to do the thing that was giving me anxiety. And I would only be fully stressed for a few minutes/hours in stead of actual weeks. So weeks of misery turned into only hours, which is pretty good if you ask me.

Another thing to help you think about something else or feel a bit better is to spoil yourself. Don’t save that yummy treat for the you ‘deserve’ it, have it cheer yourself up. Use that fancy lotion or shampoo, get dressed for a glamorous night out (especially if you’re staying in), grab a hair brush and jump on your bed and sing your heart out to your favorite song. They’re all small things, but when you find that little thing that always puts a smile on your face, do it. 

If you can, squeeze in some more sleep. I know that can be very difficult but more sleep is always good, you’re less susceptible to be affected by hormone level changes through out the day. It’s like, if you start off the day after a good night’s sleep, you have more back up energy to help you manage your triggers. Naps are also good, but not too late in the day because that will in turn disturb your sleep at night.

Nature can do wonders to manage stress. Exercise as well. Taking a walk, seeing beautiful nature stuff can be very relaxing, and again, whatever you like most. A walk on the beach, a walk in the woods, a hike, a run, a dance class, whatever you’re in the mood for.

And for all of these goes: Even if it doesn’t work, it’s more than worth the try to spoil yourself a little bit and treat yourself and show yourself some love in the form of self care.

If you find yourself doing these things without any results, or you maybe can’t even bring yourself to do any of these, I’d really suggest getting professional help. It’s not shameful to see a therapist, nor is it shameful to take meds for your illness. 

Therapy and meds. From my own experience I can tell you that sometimes, when we live with mental illnesses or even high levels of anxiety for a while, we get to a point of no return. Brain wise. Your brain chemistry just doesn’t work the way it should when you’ve been subjected to prolonged periods of anxiety, stress, depression, ocd, ptsd and many more. Your brain chemistry changes and it cannot change back on it’s own. Not always of course, therapy can work wonders on it’s own, but sometimes at some point it really just is a matter brain chemistry that needs help working like it should. I’ve been on meds for a while now and the difference it has made is unfathomable. Honestly I feel like a different person. I no longer get stuck in these negative thought spirals. Things that sent me into a blind panic sometimes no longer even phase me? It’s beyond anything I could have hoped for. And I could gotten the meds sooner if I hadn’t been so scared of getting a diagnosis and actual treatment. It has been life changing and I’m in no way ‘cured’, I still have relapses and am nowhere near the energy levels of a healthy human being, but I also no longer feel like absolute crap all the time. My perspective has changed, it’s really unbelievable. And I would absolutely recommend asking your doctor about it to see if it would be something that you could benefit from.

So what I’m trying to say, there are things that can help, and the only way to find out is to try. And if you can’t, don’t be afraid to ask for help. 

We all need help sometimes. And issues like these, well we’re not meant to deal with those on our own. Reach out to someone you trust and feel comfortable with and share your worries and your feelings and let them ease your mind. And if you need to, let them help you find the help you need to be able to manage your stress and live a happy life and be your best self. 

So please know that you matter, you’re worth the effort, your joy is worth the effort. And there are so many people out there who want to help you, and actually can help you. There is no shame in reaching out to get better. 

I love you, I know you can do this. And if you feel like you can’t, we’re always here if you want to talk and we’re always rooting for you.

Love,

Diana @coffee-midnights and everyone at Swiftie Support Group