#n lets not even get started on the issue of the drum machine

[naiamaree]

i wish i could afford replacement pedals so i could play live at the show on saturday :(

[perriewinklenerdie]

Waiting (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x Claire Herondale

Word count: 2,4 k

Summary: OH3 Chapter 5 added scene. Ethan and Tobias talk as they wait for the surgery to be over. ft. cute moments between Ethan and Claire

Warnings: None

A/N: Tobias and Ethan friendship will happen. If PB won’t let me make this happen (they will but still), then Imma make it happen myself.

Tobias took a deep breath as the air of the early autumn ruffled his hair. The sun was high in the sky, casting a warm light on his face. He dug his hands into the pockets of his white coat, closing his eyes for a moment. A slight smirk tugged on the corners of his lips at the memory of the meeting he just got out of. He’s always enjoyed teasing Ethan and at some point, that teasing escalated to arguing and one-upping him – he enjoyed the latter even more.

A surprised shriek pulled him out of his wonder, prompting his eyes to open. The sound was filled to the brim with happiness, not raising the alert in his mind, so he calmly looked around in search of the source. And found it rather quickly.

His eyes fell onto a couple, standing in the middle of the garden near the hospital. The man had his arm wrapped tightly around the woman, keeping her close to him. His shoulders shook slightly as he laughed at something she said, then their lips met in a kiss so intense that it made Tobias want to look away. But he didn’t.

Because it might have been the very first time he’s ever seen Ethan Ramsey this relaxed around someone. This happy. For a moment, he wasn’t even sure if his eyes weren’t deceiving him, but upon blinking a couple of times, he was sure – it was Claire and Ethan.

They pulled apart slightly, enough for Tobias to see a wide grin on Ethan’s face as he said something to her, staring into her eyes. He dove towards her right after, caressing the side of her neck tenderly, his other hand gripping the fabric of her white coat at her back.

Their lips meet again, softer this time, gentler, like he was savoring the taste and the feel of her by his side. Come to think of it, he probably was – Tobias himself knew that these two had their fair share of experiences, so it wasn’t all that surprising that Ethan would behave like this, even if it wasn’t what Tobias came to expect from him.

The same intensity, coupled with softness, could easily be found in the way Claire’s arms wrapped around Ethan’s neck, pulling him downwards so they were at a similar height. That made him laugh, breaking the kiss for a second before he adjusted his grip, pulling her upwards, the tips of her shoes barely touching the ground.

When they eventually separated for good, Tobias could very clearly notice their heavy breathing and how they held onto one another despite the fact that the intense moment was behind them. What was left was the tenderness in their smiles and the gentleness of Ethan’s touch when he traced the corner of Claire’s lips with his thumb.

Tobias didn’t need to observe the pair any longer, feeling not like he was invading their privacy – they were making out in the middle of the public garden, for god’s sake – but like he’s seen enough. He’d tease his old friend about this later. With one final look at the pair, he turned back around and went into the hospital.

~

Ethan walked back to the table in the office, balancing three cups of coffee in his hold. They’ve been waiting for two hours already, with no news regarding Francis. He stopped by Claire’s side, letting her take two cups out of his hands before he turned to Tobias, handing him the third one. His old friend eyed the coffee, then looked up at him with surprise in his eyes and hesitation in every move he did and didn’t make. A short while later, he accepted the cup with a nod, watching Ethan as he walked back to his seat.

Knowingly to both men or not, Claire seated herself between them for a reason. If they were supposed to spend the next couple of hours in that office, they needed to not kill one another in the meantime. If she had to be a buffer, then so be it.

Sitting down, Ethan took his coffee from his girlfriend, her inviting smile eliciting one of his own. The rich flavor helped his tired body wake up a bit, caffeine speeding up his heartbeat a little. He heard a soft hum of appreciation and approval from Claire, his lips curling upwards at the sound.

None of them said a word for the next couple of minutes, finishing their drinks in silence. It allowed Ethan to finally sit down and process what happened that day.

He’s working with Tobias again.

Not even in his wildest dreams would he have come up with such an idea. Nightmares, sure, though he didn’t let such ridiculous notions occupy his mind. Tobias would be the last person he’d consider for a spot on his team, considering both their professional turmoil and the personal one. If they couldn’t hold a civilized conversation outside of work, how the hell were they supposed to put everything that’s happened aside to work together as a team?

He should have known that Bloom would pull something like this – he’s never trusted the man. He wouldn’t trust him with his coffee order, not to mention something as integral as the choice of the member of the team. Every time his new boss inserted himself into their work, despite not knowing a damn thing about it, he wanted to shove a piece of paper down his throat. But he couldn’t – and Claire wouldn’t let him, no matter how much she agreed with him that Bloom deserved that and so much more.

But he didn’t have any choice in that matter now. Tobias was the member of the team. Whether he liked it or not, they would be seeing each other every day and they would have to put their differences aside. If not for the sake of their sanities, then for the sake of their patients.

Perhaps it was time to finally sit down and have a mature conversation about everything that went down all those years ago, like he wanted to do before. They will never go back to what their friendship used to be, too many things have happened. What they could do was resolve the past and try to move forward – Claire’s advice rang in his ears at that idea.

All that would have to wait, however, because in that moment, they had bigger issues than their personal problems. Francis was lying on the table in the OR as Harper raced against the time, and all they could do was wait – he always loathed that part.

His attention has been stolen by the subtle movement near his hand. Claire took his empty cup out of his hand, standing up to take Tobias’s too to get rid of them. Ethan’s eyes followed her as she deposited them on the tray by the coffee machine and walked back to her seat. As soon as she was within his reach, he took her hand into his, tangling their fingers together and giving them a gentle squeeze. She smiled at him, turning her body towards him wordlessly. Her thumb traced the line of his bones, the motion soothing him.

“I can’t decide if I’m tired or restless.” Tobias breathed out deeply, drumming his fingers on the table. The break of silence was welcomed by his other two companions – they were all getting tired of the quiet tension that filled the room to the brim, getting thicker by the minute, making it harder to breathe.

“I’m stressing out, but I don’t think I can keep my eyes open any longer.” Claire concluded, letting her head fall onto Ethan’s shoulder softly. He wrapped his arm around her pulling her into his embrace, a hint of a helpless grin stretching his features.

“You just drank coffee.” He argued, turning his head to look at her. She glanced up at him, scrunching her nose adorably.

“That’s the best way to have a powernap. Scientifically proven.”

“By who?” Tobias asked, smirking suspiciously at the younger woman. She retorted without missing a beat, turning around and leaning out of her seat to look at him.

“By me. Works wonders.” Having finished her line, she fell back into Ethan’s waiting arms, nesting herself into her boyfriend’s embrace once more. He nudged her head with his nose as he mused under his breath.

“If you say so.”

Not much later, her breathing evened out and she fell into a light slumber, burying her face into his neck. Ethan looked down at her with adoration sparkling in his eyes, closing his own eyes for a moment. It didn’t last long, though.

“If you told me years ago that we’d both be on the Diagnostic Team together, I’d call you an idiot.” Tobias started speaking, seemingly innocently, but there was something to his tone that indicated that it was only the beginning.

“If you told me I’d have to work with you despite everything you’ve done, I would have called you an idiot too. Or perhaps something else, more suitable for the occasion.”

“Hey now, E, there’s no need to be so dramatic. If we’re going to be seeing each other every day, we need to be friendly.” He grinned brightly, his eyes falling onto the woman in Ethan’s arms. ��Look at Herondale and I, we can be very friendly.”

Ethan scoffed at him, trying to ignore the pang he felt at the last words. He adjusted his grip on her, hugging her just a tiny bit tighter, more securely.

“We have to be civil long enough to get our work done, but don’t think that you walking in here, smiling, will erase the stunts you’ve been pulling all those years. It doesn’t work like that.”

Silence hung between them as their stares tried one another, daring the other to break first. For what must have been the first time, Tobias relented, looking away with tension in his eyes.

“I am aware of that.”

Ethan, convinced that it was the end of the conversation, twisted his frame the slightest bit, allowing Claire to get more comfortable in her sleep. He gazed at their joined hands, her grip secure despite not being aware of that. Her closeness relaxed him like nothing else, his exchange with Tobias suddenly a thousand miles away from his mind. With a private smile, he pressed a gentle kiss to her hair, letting out a deep breath.

Tobias watched the pair silently – not for the first time. But it was the first time that he got to see them from such a close proximity. Even in a situation as tense as the one they all were in right now, they somehow managed to find peace in each other. He’s known Ethan for over a decade and he’s never met a person that was able to lead him away from seeing red with just one look. It’s like she somehow put a spell on him, and to Tobias, it seemed that Ethan was well aware of that – and did nothing to change it. He welcomed it with open arms. “She really got you good, huh?”

Ethan slowly turned his head to face him, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“I mean, come on. Ethan Ramsey, the notorious workaholic, going home after work on time every single day? Walking around the hospital with a grin on his face?” he started pointing out everything he’s noticed during only his first day of working on the team, as well as things he’s heard from the nurses. Ethan remained silent, unsure where this was going.

“Making out with his girlfriend when he thinks no one’s looking?” at that, Ethan’s eyes widened slightly, a hint of a blush climbing onto his cheeks. “Yeah, we all saw your little escapade yesterday. Very charming scenery, red roses suit her.” Tobias nodded towards Claire, then looked at his old friend again. “Not you, though. Red is not exactly your color – I would know, since that’s exactly the color of your cheeks right now.”

“You think you’re funny, don’t you.”

“We both know that I am, E.”

They shared a look and for a moment, they were back at university, thick as thieves. Two friends who could talk about everything. Then the reality caught up to them and Tobias cleared his throat, falling quiet immediately after. The next time the silence was broken, it was Ethan who did it.

“I don’t think I’ve ever properly thanked you.” his voice was deep and low, overcame by emotions of unknown to Tobias origin.

“For what?”

“For saving her.”

Both men looked at Claire, sleeping, blissfully unaware of the conversation that was happening right over her head. Ethan’s eyes softened at the sight of her, safe and sound in his arms.

“I don’t know what I would have done if I lost her.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” Tobias responded, his hand rising on its own to pat Ethan’s shoulder, but he refrained from doing so. Instead, he offered a timid smile that was accepted and eventually mirrored.

“Just… do yourself a favor – hold onto her. And hold on tight.” He continued, saying all the things Ethan already knew. “She’s an amazing woman and, god help her, she sure wants you.”

“Believe me, I don’t know what I did to get this lucky either.” Blue-eyed attending sighed thoughtfully, choosing to ignore the obvious dig directed at him, staring at his girlfriend with a look of wonder in his eyes instead. The new doctor in the team gave him a moment to himself, focusing on the wall in front of him.

And then, in true Tobias Carrick fashion, he threw in a line to break the tension. “She could make any man feel like he’s on top of the world, so I’d watch out if I were you.”

“You’re no competition for me.” Ethan countered, grinning at his old friend, letting the wave of nostalgia wash other them both. Tobias punched his shoulder lightly, faking offense at the words. For hours, they would wait for Harper to emerge from the OR, talking quietly about old and new times as the youngest member of the team lied in her boyfriend’s arms, having heard every word since she closed her eyes.

Notes

The trick actually works wonders, I would know, it saved my ass more times than I care to admit. Well, it works 9 out of 10 times. My girl C landed herself in that 10%. Good for her, some delicious subjects were discussed :D

Tagging separately

[disloopy]

𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐞

i wanted to write a college au but i was also horny so this came into existence.

tendou satori

word count: 6199

genre: smut but with a plot??

It was hard to study with your parents constantly bickering in the living room downstairs. Ever since you moved back in with them, you've found it hard to concentrate on virtually anything besides their frequent, yet petty, arguments. Sometimes you'd stay at college late into the evenings under the guise of classes and assignments but really you just hated being around them. The stress of school was already a mounting threat without the emotional toll of your parents' nearly shattered relationship.

Scraping your chair back as you stood up, you decided you'd had enough. You shoved your textbooks, notebooks, and some random clothing articles from the top of your drawer into a bag and ran down the stairs. Your mother twisted her body around to face you from the couch, an eyebrow raised.

"Where are you going, young lady?" 

You didn't look at her in the process of yanking on your shoes. "I'm going to Sam's house or am I not even allowed to visit her without you breathing down my neck?" you asked sharply, feeling your heart hammer in your chest. You were fed up. "I'm twenty and under no obligation to listen to the two of you arguing about whatever movie you want to watch just because you don't have the cajones to discuss the real issue!"

With finality, you slammed the door shut behind you and hopped onto your bike, pedaling as fast as legally possible out of the neighborhood. You always knew that the main reason your parents had urged you to move back in with them was to fill the empty void their failed marriage left in the house. At first, even you were convinced that your presence would revitalize their marriage and they'd remember why they loved each other from the start.

However, their own child wasn't enough to give them a reason to put aside their differences and love each other for what they were - a family; a family, you knew, should be willing to sacrifice a part of their individual lives for each other, that's what it meant to be married.

But your parents weren't even willing to confront the problem -- not being in love with each other anymore -- much less work it out. At your age, you were aware of the fact that love wasn't all a marriage needed, there was responsibility and sacrifice and with a little understanding, the love could be rekindled, not just once but multiple times throughout the life spent together. The last thing you'd want was for them to separate and you were quite certain that with a little communication this hellish nightmare could be put past them. They were immature, you concluded. Your parents wanted to ignore it altogether, which would only leave them stumped at this obstacle, growing angrier with each bland dinner and mismatched grocery.

You couldn't take it anymore. Stopping your bike at a nearby convenience store to pick up a few snacks, you texted your boyfriend, Tendo. He was usually around, and usually free -- plus, he lived in a dorm all by himself. It was the perfect escape from your exhausting household. Without waiting for a reply, you journeyed across a few streets to get to the college residence and parked your bike anywhere. It wasn't worth enough to get stolen and even if some desperate thief decided to have some fun, it would only serve as an excuse for your parents to finally get you a car.

After the long and silent elevator ride which seemed to compress you on all sides, you arrive at the seventh floor and felt your shoulders relax almost immediately. You'd been here so many times it was like a second home to you. Tendo's place always gave you the relief you wanted after a tiresome day of school, or your parents, or both.

Struggling to keep the strap of your heavy bag filled with books, clothes, and food on your shoulder, you lightly knocked on the front door. There were sounds of incomprehensible yelling and laughter coming from inside which you thought was strange but not enough to question it.

When there was no answer and you were fed up with waiting, you decided to try the knob which was surprisingly unlocked. So, you entered the house and called out loudly, "Tendo? It's Y/N". Not even a step later, a strong scent of weed hit your nose directly and you winced.

"Y/N?" said a voice, followed by Tendo rolling back in a computer chair, tugging his headset to his neck with the hand that wasn't latched onto the controller, his eyes wide in pleasant surprise. 

"Hey," you said quietly, smiling at the sight of him. "I texted you . . ."

"Oh, sorry. I was in a game so I didn't check my phone," Tendo murmured, throwing a distracted glance at his phone on the couch before immediately returning his attention to the screen, his headset back on his ears. "I SAID COVER ME!" 

"He's been yelling all match," someone said and you startled, looking back at the couch to see one of Tendo's friends, Semi, sitting cross-legged on the couch, a hoodie covering most of his head and a bong tucked between his thighs. It was unusual for Tendo to have friends over. Even at school, he rarely sat with a large group of friends for long. On weekends, it was mostly just you and him when it could be.

"I swear I'm playing with 11 year olds," Tendo remarked as the screen flashed red, signaling his team's failure. He spun around in his chair and glanced between you and Semi. "Sit down, Y/N, what the fuck. Semi got kicked out of his parents house so he's gonna be here for a while."

You widened your eyes. "You got kicked out?"

The ashy-blonde haired boy nodded, seeming casual as he fiddled with the bong. "They caught me smoking in the basement and said they didn't want me back till I quit," he explained with a shrug. "I miss my drum set but I'd rather be free to smoke, if I'm being honest."

Tendo shook his head, amused. "Get a fucking job, Semi -- then you can pay for half of this place and we can live together."

"Really?" Semi's eyes lit up and he seemed attentive for the first time that night. "I totally should, huh? I can work at some government institute, you know? They'll see that I'm smart since I major in political science . . ." 

"Tendo, can I get in the shower?" you asked and Tendo nodded of course. As you were about to disappear down the hall before turning around and feeling blush creep onto your cheeks when Tendo gave you a questioning look. "Um . . . I also . . . Wanted to stay here for a bit. My parents are just really . . ."

"You can!" Tendo said with an enthusiasm that made your heart jump with pleasure. "It'll be fun with the three of us. I'm sorry about your parents though." 

The shower was warm and almost therapeutic with the muffled sounds of Tendo's frustration with his team and Semi teasing him about it. You even sat down on the porcelain for a bit, the soothing water sprinkling down on your bare body. When you had finally decided to come out, you found that Semi was eating the snacks you'd brought along with you. Although you were initially doubtful of him staying over with you and Tendo, you quickly grew more open about it. He was normally quiet and serious, but the weed seemed to open him up to being actually friendly and talkative, not failing to make you laugh several times that evening.

"Yo, if you make my girl laugh that much I'm gonna have to ask you to leave," Tendo said, throwing a cheeto at Semi's head. 

You eventually fell asleep on the couch, Tendo and Semi's voice almost serving as a lullaby. You'd rather hear their weed-inspired symposium in your sleepy stupors than the sound of your parents arguing. Some time that night, unknown to the dizzy you, Tendo had hauled you into his arms and transferred you to the warm security of his bed, wrapping his covers around you, and then wrapping his arms around you. 

The next morning, Semi was already gone for an 8am class. Despite sharing Tendo's major, he had registered very late and got the worst schedule a student could ask for. You and Tendo, however, were able to fool around in the bathroom (no, not like that. Tendo spit toothpaste on you), and eat lazy bowls of cereal before heading out, walking under the warm morning sun to get to campus.

When you'd arrived at your own class, Tendo let you know he'd wait for you at the college center after class. You checked your phone while the professor was setting up his stuff. Disappointment settled in your chest at the realization that your parents hadn't bothered to check up on you. You hadn't given them the heads-up that you would be staying over at "Sam's" house and although you declared that you weren't under their jurisdiction, you half-expected a "should we wait up for you?" text from either parent.

You tried to push your dejectedness and self-pity in order to pay attention to your lecture. The anger formed into a kind of resistance, telling you to stay as contactless from them as possible, waiting for one of them to care about your absence, or at least notice.

After class, you stopped by the vending machine to buy Tendo and yourself two bottles of juice before walking with your head down to the college center. You didn't want to see any of your friends or anyone for that matter. You wanted to be alone . . . With Tendo. He knew how to give you the reassurance and comfort you needed without uttering a single word. Sometimes you wondered if he was even aware of the effect he had on you. Did he know how his mere presence could reduce your anxiety? The man was like a remedy.

You spotted Tendo slumped on one of the couches, thumbs tapping away on his phone and you were almost certain he was engaged in a game of COD mobile. Then he seemed to notice you and he lifted his bright red-haired head up, shoving his phone in his pocket.

"Damn bay-bee!" Tendo whistled and you rolled your eyes as an instant reaction to his typical attention-drawing behaviour. "Hot girl alert," he announced, grinning at you.

"Shut up!" you yelled, chucking a juice bottle at him, which he caught with extraneous ease. You would've been surprised if you weren't already familiar with the fact that he, along with Semi, were on the volleyball team of a prestigious high school. He never failed to remind you and always talked about a mysterious "best friend" named Ushijima who he strongly believed would be famous one day.

Grateful that no one was staring at you two anymore, you collapsed next to Tendo, resting your head on his shoulder. He had produced his phone once again and you realized he had been texting Semi. You didn't want to intrude on his messages but you couldn't help catch parts of the conversation. He was going out drinking with Semi later because they had both received excellent grades on one of their tests. This also didn't come as a surprise because although you've never actually seen Tendo studying, he always did well on his tests.

Tendo turned to you. "You can go ahead back to my place," he suggested, twirling his dorm keys around his finger as he handed them to you. You gave him a small smile when he left you with a parting kiss on the lips as you separated for your next class.

You didn't see him again before leaving campus to return to Tendo's house. As you walked, you felt a sinking feeling in your stomach. Why hadn't Tendo ask you to join him? You shook your head, why were you even thinking of such a thing when you knew you hated drinking? But some uncomfortable tug in your chest left you questioning whether Tendo even wanted you at his place. Maybe he had accepted to be polite, or because he felt sorry for you . . . or because he didn't want to say no to you in front of Semi.

The biting thoughts bounced around your head, a reminder that Tendo loved you popping up every now and then to shoot those thoughts into a corner but not doing much to quell your worries.

You spent your evening studying, getting excited only at the occasional text from Tendo, making sure you got home fine, or that you knew you could eat anything in his fridge, or sleep in his bed if you were tired, or play on his PlayStation if you were bored. You did neither of those things, not touching a single thing in his kitchen even while your poor stomach cried with hungry grumbles.

You felt sick to your stomach, opting to switch on the television for background noise as you hugged your knees on the couch. There was an aching fear building up inside of you, fear that you were as unwanted to your boyfriend as you were to your own parents. You knew you shouldn't have been insecure, he'd always been there for you and never gave you a reason to doubt him.

But it had been quite a while since he'd last told that he loved you, sincerely, from the bottom of his heart. A lot could change within a person in that sort of time. And the last time the two of you had sex or even really made out was several months ago before you moved in with your parents. You could blame that on the chaos of school, both of you being in your second-years with exams and pressure to find jobs keeping your heads under water.

Nonetheless, the fear of Tendo falling out of love with you the same way your father fell out of love with your mother still existed and was still very real. You could always untangle this very confusing frustration with Tendo, he'd never shied away from important conversations. However, despite the many insecurities he'd helped you through, this just wasn't one you wanted him to hear.

And maybe you were like your parents in that way . . .

You dropped your head into your lap, feeling the burn of tears in your eyes, your chest tightening under the pressure of the worries you knew had no foundations but still pushed their way into your system. Eventually, your eyes had drooped and your brain was shifting in and out of focus with the screen before you.

Before you could really fall asleep though, you heard the sound of the door opening and Tendo's voice informing you of his presence. You hummed in response and Tendo furrowed his brows at you, jumping in next to you on the couch. You could tell he was still a little delirious from drinking but not enough to turn you away from him, as you usually did when he got completely wasted.

"Y/N, I went to the corner store on the way back and got you the cake you said you really liked," Tendo mumbled, putting his arms around you and pulling you closer. You wanted the cake, sure, but to be truthful, you wanted him more than anything.

"I just wanna fuck," you blurted out and Tendo's head instantly snapped up to look at you, a lazy grin pulling at the edges of his lips.

"Uh? You wanna what?"

You blushed, tugging your knees to your chest but Tendo's hands were already on them, pulling them apart. "I said I wanna fuck," you murmur.

"That's right, baby," said Tendo, settling himself between your thighs as he licked his lips. "I knew what you said, I wanted to hear you say it again."

"I got it, stupid," you told him, curling your fingers around the shoulders of Tendo's shirt and bringing his chest to yours before connecting your lips. The effect was immediate. You simultaneously relaxed and tensed up underneath the weight of his body, completely winded by the effortlessness with which his tongue moved past your lips and pressed to your own.

"You're right, I deserve this," Tendo breathed against your lips, a hand going to your thigh and guiding your leg around his waist. You hadn't said that but didn't care enough to point it out. "I can't call it a treat without wrecking this pretty body of yours." Your heart fluttered with his words and you watched him trail his lips down your chin, jaw, and neck toward the now exposed skin of your chest as he hooked a finger over the collar of your sweater and forced it down.

You shut your eyes, drowning in the anxious ecstasy of what was to come, the outcome of all this; him inside of you, filling you up, and fighting off all your worries with each sway of his hips against yours.

His teeth grazed against your skin and you pressed your lips together, knowing it was going to be followed by a bite and it did. Tendo bit and tugged at your sensitive skin, earning a pained gasp from your lips before smoothing over the sting with his tongue. It hurt but in that good way you never wanted it to stop, not until every inch of your body was covered in marks from him and only him.

Tendo had always liked to take his time. Even now, with you practically squirming and wordlessly begging for him. You could tell by the way he rubbed the seam of his jeans right against the very spot you craved him most, knocking the air out of your lungs and making your hips snap up against his, which caused you both to moan (Tendo's turned into choked laughter). He usually opted to wear sweatpants or, at best, trousers, but the roughness of his jeans really did amplify the feeling and although it made you throb almost everywhere, you were starting to get impatient.

"Jinx," Tendo groaned, dropping his head into the crook of your neck as your fingernails raked through his messy hair.

"Shut up, Tendo, just . . . Fuck . . . Get inside already," you said between shallow breaths. Tendo was already doing that, wedging a hand between both your bodies to unbutton his jeans. But between making jokes of your desperation and dry-humping you right on his couch, Tendo (and you) failed to realize that you had company.

The sound of the door swinging open almost completely shattered your preoccupation with each other. Tendo dragged himself off you and onto his knees while you propped yourself up, slightly embarrassed but more so disappointed when Semi walked into the living room, squinting at the two of you.

"Oh," he said, realizing what he had interrupted with a nod. High Semi was a lot different than this not-very-drunk or just-sober-enough Semi, who was stoic and didn't laugh the awkwardness off like you expected. "S-sorry about that," he stuttered and made to head towards his own room.

Tendo turned back to you with a smile that told you he didn't mind continuing what you two had already started. He didn't mind . . . But that probably didn't mean he wanted to. Neither did you with Semi in the next room. The heavy feeling from earlier took residence in your stomach once more, unwarranted and so quick you felt tears spring to your eyes.

Pushing Tendo off, you ran to his room in order to cry without his prying eyes, kind as they were. But you knew you wouldn't have the room for very long. The five minutes you really were alone, you were quite sure Tendo was trying to give you space or wonder what he'd done wrong. Then the door opened and he stepped in and you buried your head in your hands.

"Y/N, what the fuck is up with you?" He asked, but in a gentle tone before you felt his hand on your back, rubbing soothingly. "Why are you crying, hm? Look at me." Tendo tugged on your forearm and practically forced your head up. You stared at him through tear-blurry vision.

"Why didn't you invite me to come with you and Semi?" You stuttered dumbly and Tendo blinked in surprise.

"I-I didn't think you'd want to come," he answered with a shrug and a look of guilt marred the fond carelessness of his face. "Usually you say no . . . I'm sorry, I should've asked."

You shook your head quickly and realized you were doing exactly what you hated about your parents: avoiding the problem. But how could you not avoid the problem when the problem was questioning his love for you? Maybe you were the immature one, thinking talking about those things was so simple. It wasn't.

So you just said, "Sorry, I've been having a rough week . . . "

Tendo nodded, understanding. "Do you want Semi out of here?"

"W-What? No, no, no," you said quickly, wiping your wet eyes. "He needs somewhere to stay, I-I don't mind. It's mostly just . . . " you braced yourself to finally voice your fear out loud. Tendo's eyes on you, full of concern and attention. "I'm sick of my parents," you ended up saying and then cringed with your whole body.

"They fighting again?" Tendo asked, wrapping an arm around your waist and maneuvering the two of you against the bed frame to lean back. You leaned into his chest and relaxed in the comforting scent of him.

"They haven't checked up on me," you murmured, feeling slightly embarrassed for needing your parents attention this much. Tendo just stroked his fingers through your hair, intently listening. "I didn't tell them I'd be away from home and I usually never am. But they haven't even texted me to ask. I just feel like I'm not wanted there."

"They're probably just lost in their own issues to even think about dealing with you," Tendo said and he seemed to have the simplest answers to the complicated worries in your heart. "Stay here with me, just until they really get worried. Besides you're wanted here all the time."

You lifted your head and smiled. "Thanks Tendo, I-I love you," you mumbled shyly and Tendo grinned, shaking his head in amusement.

"I love you too," he replied without hesitating. The two of you soon fell asleep, Tendo changing out of his jeans first and yelling at you to get in your pajamas, before throwing a shirt at your head. You were too tired to get up now and Tendo knew that but it didn't stop him from trying. He gave up shortly and muttered something about you being a stubborn little bitch before sinking into the mattress next to you and shutting off the lights.

The next week flew by just like that. You were getting quite used to living with Tendo and he seemed to be happy with that. Most days were just busy with school and assignments, the slower days were spent in wondering if Semi would be home now or then to gauge how long the two of you had alone. But in that worry itself, you and Tendo would miss the opportunity Semi seemed to have intentionally been giving you each time. Dinners were nice since the three of you got along very well. Tendo would usually make the jokes, vulgar or downright shocking, causing you to almost choke up your food and Semi to roll his eyes yet smirk all the same.

Semi had found a job as a male receptionist at some package delivering company, which was a grounds for all three of you to celebrate. Tendo explained that they probably only wanted Semi because he was eye-candy  for anyone entering the building. You agreed that Semi was very pretty and Tendo pouted at you.

Friday night, the bong was reintroduced and you surrendered to the thought of really forgetting all your stress and just getting high. Which you did. And it was really relieving. So the next day, you decided it couldn't hurt to have another session. Semi had gone off to work and he wouldn't be back till very late, which gave you and Tendo time to smoke a little and fuck a lot.

But neither of you were really in the mood that evening and you could tell by the lack of foreplay Tendo usually invested in before putting it inside. He was out of focus and so were you, lying in his bed and occasionally moaning when he hit the right spot.

And when he'd pulled out so quick, you couldn't help lifting your head in confusion. "T-Tendo, what—" but the question was cut off with warm liquid spraying over your bare chest and splashing onto your mouth, droplets almost hitting your eyes before you shut them.

"Ah shit!" Tendo gasped, giggling breathlessly. "I'm s-sorry about that. I just wanted to cum on your tits."

"I'm gonna get pink-eye!" You complained, wiping your eyes and mouth with the back of your hand.

"Don't be dramatic," he said dismissively, hopping off the bed and disappearing into the closet. You blinked, heavy breaths living your lips and slightly disoriented. But Tendo had really just . . . Done that, without bothering to ask if you'd finished (he never really asked because it was quite obvious you had every time, but not tonight).

Before the worthlessness could settle in, a towel was thrown directly at your face and now you were just . . . Really angry. Your own boyfriend seemed to have used you and discarded you, you thought, furiously wiping yourself down with the towel and watching Tendo from the corner of your eye light up a joint and take a deep drag from it.

You slipped your shirt back over your bare chest and stared down at your lap as he breathed out, smoke filling the air and your nose. You just wanted to turn around and sleep.

"Y/N," said Tendo, prompting you to glance up at him. You shifted your gaze to him and saw that he was dangling a pair of handcuffs in one hand and a collar with a chain attached to it in another. Tendo grinned lazily, the joint hanging from his lips as he tossed both on the bed, you gazing at them in wonder.

"Do you wanna try these?" He asked, setting the joint aside and crawling onto the bed. "I ordered them a while ago, they're cheap as fuck but if we like them — if you like them — we can get something proper."

You licked your lips, excitement rising in your stomach. "I . . . Um . . . Yes! I'd like to try . . ."

"That's my girl," said Tendo eagerly, clicking the collar around your neck with a sly smile. "You look pretty fucking hot, if I'm being honest." He turned your head to the side so you could see yourself in the mirror. You couldn't help but agree with your boyfriend. The presence of the collar on your throat did wonderful things to your conscious.

Then there was a rough tug on the chain, squeezing the collar around your neck, and a whimper tumbled past your lips as Tendo forced you to face him. Tendo's eyes widened in wicked surprise as he stared at you and felt yourself blushing.

"This chain comes in handy then, I bet," he muttered with a smile.

Once your shirt was off and the handcuffs were locked around your wrists, both behind your back, Tendo pushed you to the ground in front of him and swung his feet off the bed. He reached one of his large hands towards you, fingers immediately tangling in your hair as you made quick work of him. The constant yanking on your hair and the choked grunts Tendo made was really adding to the rush of it all. Especially when he pushed your head down and forced himself deeper into your throat. 

"Take all of my cock," he hissed out the order, the chain of your collar wrapped around his free hand, tugging at it every now and then when he wanted you to look at him. You accepted every  praise that followed, tears forming at the edge of your vision with each thrust. "You look so pretty like this, baby. God, I love face-fucking you . . . You're so good . . . You're the best." 

After he'd shuddered and his cock twitched, sending a warm stream of cum down your throat, Tendo didn't stop there. He pulled the chain up, your head rising with it as the collar squeezed your neck. "Let me see," he whispered, gently gripping your jaw as you opened your mouth, feeling the liquid drip down your chin. "Good girl. Now swallow." The instruction was followed by the harsh slap of his palm against your ass, prompting you to obey.

"Ah!" you cried out, biting your lip. "Y-Yes, sir." 

Tendo smirked and yanked the chain again, bringing your lips down upon his and the saltiness from earlier was wiped away as he sucked on your lips, grasping your hips and sitting you down on top of him where you could feel his cock pressing right against your entrance. 

"Tell me what you want, baby," Tendo groaned as you moved your hips against him, your head buried in his neck along with your lips grazing his warm skin. Your wrists were sore and aching and all you wanted was to latch onto him but Tendo didn't seem to want to take them off just yet. 

"Fuck me," you whispered against his ear.

Tendo didn't waste time, moving back so he was lying down on the bed, shirt off and you, on top of him, wanted to touch the tanned skin of his bare chest so bad. He watched your every moment with a dizzying intrigue, allowing you to fuck yourself on his cock while his fingers pressed bruises into your hips. 

"Just like that, Y/N," he grunted through a clenched jaw, pushing you all the way down as he lifted his own hips and thrust up into you. 

"Tendo!" You gasped, your head falling back, eyes shut tightly as the pain and pleasure shot up your body, releasing breathless moans from the base of your throat. "Fuck . . ."

Tendo grinned. "You ride me so well, Y/N . . . Ugh, fuck!" He pulled the chain towards him, swallowing your moan with the careful, wet kisses of his mouth. "You look so hot on top of me." You could feel the tight knots in your stomach slowly unraveling, the new angle doing mind-shattering things to your insides. 

"I-I . . . Tendo . . ." You stuttered, blinking rapidly as the feeling overcame you. 

Tendo's hands went to your thighs immediately, throwing you off of him and the sudden feeling of emptiness shocked you. "What the fuck?!" You cried, shaking the hair off your face as your wrists were still faithfully behind you. 

"Let me fuck that pussy," Tendo muttered, shifting you onto your hands and knees before sinking into you from behind as your head pressed into the pillow beneath you. "You're so tight . . . I love this pussy . . ." Tendo bent over you, till his chest was pressed to your back, his hand still clamped around the chain of your collar, making sure you were being choked how he liked you. 

"Moan for me, Y/N . . ." he whispered, lips and teeth clashing against the skin under your ear, your neck, your shoulder. You should've been embarrassed with the sounds leaving your parted mouth but you really couldn't focus on much besides the feeling of his cock buried deep inside you. 

The mindless euphoria and muffled pain of it all drove every thought out of your head, the uncertainty and unease. You wanted to be as close to Tendo as possible and he wanted to be deep inside you. As your vision blurred and you were so close to completely losing it, Tendo pulled out of you again. Your jaw fell open but he'd flipped you around and frantically uncuffed your now throbbing wrists, tossing the handcuffs to the side, before sliding back into you. 

"Fuucckkk . . ." He moaned, eyes fluttering but he tried to keep them open to watch your flushed face, your back arching until your breasts were pressed right up against his chest. The sound of profanities leaving his swelling lips was smothered as he sucked on your neck, your arms finally able to loop around his neck, yanking at his hair as he slipped his fingers between your legs. "C-Cum on my cock . . ." Tendo stuttered.

But you'd begged him to come inside and Tendo had to pull his head back to look at you with surprise. After the painful edging and denial, those words were enough to snap every knot in your stomach completely. Tendo had grabbed your chin and forced you to look at him. "I wanna see you when you cum," he managed to choke out as you tried your best to keep your eyes open, focused on his gaze and the way it sent goosebumps all over your sweat-glistening body. Tendo had sped up and groaned a string of curse words as he released inside of you, and you had given to defeat, throwing your head back, mouth open in a silent cry before Tendo's hips slowed down and the room was filled with shuddering breaths and occasional whimpers. 

"Holy fuck," Tendo whispered, unclipping the collar from around your neck and examining the red and almost bleeding skin before tossing the item to the side. "I'm so sorry . . . Did it hurt?" 

"K-Kinda," you squeaked as he kissed your neck softly. Truthfully, you hadn't noticed it then but the pain was coming back to you in short bursts as you trembled underneath Tendo. 

"I should've known considering it was like five bucks," he responded, dropping down next to you. You wrapped your arms around him and rested your head on his chest. Tendo seemed surprised by this as you two normally cleaned yourselves up first before cuddling. 

"My parents are falling out of love," you blurted out. 

Tendo scoffed, pushing your hair out of your face. "I just fucked you like you were a bitch in heat and the first thing you say is 'my parents are falling out of love' . . . What the fuck am I doing?" he murmured, leaning down and kissing the top of your head. "I'm sorry to hear that, Y/N."

You licked your lips, trailing your fingers over Tendo's bare chest. "I-I'm scared that . . . That you don't love me anymore either."

"Oh . . . This fucking girl, you can't leave her alone with her thoughts for a second," Tendo teased. "I can tell you this, Y/N; sometimes it doesn't work between people and forcing it will just make it worse." 

You nodded, shifting into a seated position so you could look at him properly. Tendo smiled at you, the mere action causing your heart to jump into you throat. "You're right . . . I'll have to hope for the best between my parents."

"That being said," Tendo continued, tucking your hair behind your ear gently. "I fucking love you and I don't plan on stopping so you can get that silly thought out of your head." There was a distant sound of the front door opening and when you'd glanced at the clock, you knew Semi was home. He'd announced his arrival and said,

"Keep fucking if you guys are fucking! I don't wanna ruin your relationship!"

Tendo rolled his eyes and hugged you closer, putting his chin on your shoulder. "You were amazing and I'm sorry about before . . ." You giggled. It seemed sort of trivial now. "You're beautiful by the way," Tendo said and you blushed. "Your face and body but also on the inside . . . and I'm not talking about these sweet insides I just ruined . . ."

"I know," You laughed as Tendo tickled your thigh with his fingertips. 

"Y/N," said Tendo suddenly and you glanced at him. "D-Do you want to try something new?"

You raised an eyebrow. "Hey, I guess the handcuffs weren't enough, huh? Yeah, let's do something new!" But you weren't expecting Tendo to call for Semi. To your own surprise though, you didn't stop him and even smiled widely when the boy pushed the door open and froze, blush creeping onto his cheeks. 

Tendo hadn't said anything further but your heart was pounding furiously again, especially when Semi's eyes shifted from Tendo to meet your own. He opened his mouth to say something but then thought better of it.

A second later, he was tugging at his own hoodie, the only two words that left his lips "fuck it" completely forgotten once the door shut and Tendo dimmed the lights. 

[xxdragonwriterxx]

🔥Wings of Freedom (Part 1)🔥

A/N: FINALLY DONE WITH FINALS!!! Thank you everyone for being so patient and supportive while I’ve fought through the last few days of school, I really appreciate it. But I’m finally back now and with some new fics for you guys! Hope you enjoy, and stay safe out there! ❤️

Part 2 is here!

🐉 Song Recommendation: “Dear Fellow Traveller” By: Sea Wolf 🐉

~~~

Levi looked up from where he was sitting on the sofa in his lover’s office, reading a book, at the sound of (Y/N)’s pained groan. He found her trying to suppress a wince as pain shot up her spine, one of her hands reaching back to rub between her shoulder blades while she tried to focus on her work. Levi sighed. He knew she had injured herself somehow, either through training or on the last expedition, but she refused to tell him how or where she had gotten hurt. On top of that, she also refused to let him help her fix it, always batting his hands away and claiming she was fine. He knew she had a high pain tolerance, always had, but now he was getting annoyed with her. She just needed to shove down her pride and let him help her. She was human after all, she clearly wasn’t immune to pain.

Despite her obvious discomfort, (Y/N) continued to work diligently. It was rare that she was working later than him, but lately more work had been dumped on her desk per her request, her way of trying to help her superiors by lessening their load. Levi couldn’t help but feel pride swell in his chest as he watched her write. She was so hardworking, always trying to pitch in where she could. He knew she was tired, but she kept pushing herself to try to take some of the weight off the shoulders of her superiors, claiming they did way more than necessary and it should be no problem for her to help them out a little. She wasn’t even a superior officer, still only a cadet, despite her older age. It was that determination and willingness to take care of others and work hard that drew Levi to her in the first place. It was also what was about to give her a promotion to Squad Leader, one he knew she deserved as he watched her tackle the horde of papers in front of her.

Another wince of pain from her snapped him out of his thoughts and he frowned, the pride in his chest turning into concern. While he valued her work ethic, he sometimes condemned it, knowing she often failed to take care of herself in her efforts to take care of other people. Her hand was rubbing between her shoulder blades harder now, her face contorting into one of frustrated pain.

Making his decision, Levi stood up and slowly crept around behind her. He wished he could just walk up to her, bat her hand away and get to work on making her feel better, but aside from denying help from others, (Y/N) also had a slight fear of intimacy. She had always flinched or moved away when he touched her, and while she assured him it had nothing to do with him, Levi sometimes felt sick at the thought of her being uncomfortable with his touch. He had been warming her up to it, starting out with little things like brushing his fingers along her arm or holding her hand, but he had to take it slow. He had to be patient, otherwise she panicked.

(Y/N) was so engrossed in her work that she didn’t notice Levi come around until she felt a gentle brush on her arm. She tensed at first, but one look into those gorgeous silver eyes had her relaxing a bit.

“Hey Levi, I’m not keeping you up, am I? I’m almost done if you want to go to bed without me. You don’t have to stay in my office until I’m done, you can go back to your room whenever you want to.”

Levi shook his head. “You know I don’t sleep. And even if I did sleep, I wouldn’t be able to, knowing you were still working. Besides, I know you enjoy my company.”

(Y/N) smiled and chuckled at him. “Oh yes, you are just too irresistible, Levi. I think I would die right now if you left to go to sleep.”

Levi flashed her one of his rare smiles, just a subtle quirk of his lips, but (Y/N) beamed at him, making his heart beat like a drum for her. She had always had that effect on him, her smiles, laugh, and sparkling eyes scrambling his insides and setting his nerves on fire. Gods he loved this woman. It had taken him a long ass time to see it that way, needing both Erwin, Hanji, and a night of free-flowing alcohol to get him to admit it, but he did. 

He was willing to go slow for her, to move at the pace she was comfortable with, but he couldn’t wait until she would let him worship her body in the way he knew she deserved. He couldn’t wait until she would let him cuddle her close, run his fingers through her hair, kiss her until she was out of breath. He could feel his body tingling at the thought and forced himself to behave, reeling in his desire to kiss her senseless as he ran his hands down her back and over her sides.

“Well we can’t have that now can we?” Levi purred. “If you need me so much, I guess I have no choice but to stay here.”

(Y/N) hummed in response and turned back to the paperwork on her desk, not paying attention to Levi as he moved up behind her, his fingers gently trailing over the crest of her shoulder. She tensed again and Levi immediately shoved down the feelings of hurt that surfaced. He had no right to feel upset, she obviously just had a fear of intimacy, and he had to respect that.

“Levi?”

“Mmm?”

“What are you doing?”

“Helping. If I’m going to stay here, I might as well be useful.”

Levi paused to make sure she wouldn’t push him away, wanting nothing more than for her to be completely comfortable, before flattening his hand a little, allowing his touch to expand from just the tips of his fingers to the edge of his palm. She was still tense, but she didn’t move to push him away, instead going back to the papers in front of her, albeit working at a much slower pace now.

“Are you okay with this?” Levi asked softly, using his thumb to gently rub her shoulder.

(Y/N)’s heart melted. This man was so perfect. She knew it was hard on him, seeing her flinch away from him when he tried to touch her, knew he struggled with his self esteem, especially when all his life people have been afraid of him, only seeing him as a cold-hearted killing machine. She just couldn’t help it, her background rising up to tear at her confidence. She knew he was nothing like the people she used to live with, but that didn’t change the fact that she felt nervous whenever his skin made contact with hers. She wished so desperately that she could embrace his somewhat limited affection without pause. She wished she could accept his advances and hold him close while he stroked her hair or her back. She wanted all of those things, yearned for them, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not yet, at least.

“Levi, what’re you doing?” (Y/N) asked again, taking a deep shuddering breath as she shoved the memories of pain and horror to the back of her mind.

She hated it but she couldn’t help the slight sigh of relief she felt when he took in the underlying meaning of her words and lifted his hand off of her. Then she felt horrible. She bowed her head and felt the tears surface. She knew he deserved to know, she wanted to tell him so badly why she was so skittish around him, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She knew it was selfish but she couldn’t bear the thought of losing him and she just knew that when he found out, there would be no stopping him from leaving her immediately. He would never want to be around her ever again if he discovered the real (Y/N). The monster. The freak.

“Hey, I’m sorry I made you feel uncomfortable, I just noticed that your back was killing you, so I wanted to give you a massage to release the tension. Please don’t cry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Levi said, his words only wrenching her heart more. He really didn’t deserve this, just as she didn’t deserve him.

“I’m not scared of you, Levi, I promise. I’m crying because I know you’re just trying to be nice and comfort me and make me feel good but I still can’t get over my stupid issues with touch and it’s killing me not to be able to feel you against me without freaking out. You’re always so kind to me, so gentle, so sweet, and I’m never able to reward you for being patient and amazing. I’m so sorry, Levi.”

“Look at me, (Y/N),” Levi said, the command in his voice making her meet his gaze despite the urge to look anywhere but at him. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I know you're trying, and that’s good enough for me. I will go at any pace you are comfortable with, alright? I just wanted to make sure you felt okay. We have that expedition coming up and the last thing I want is for you to get killed out there because your back is fucked up.”

(Y/N) sniffled and nodded at him, a watery smile making its way to her face as she looked at the man she loved more than anything. They had only been together for six months, but she already knew that this man was perfect for her. He had been nothing but the best, patiently waiting for her to get comfortable. Levi nodded once and stared at her for a moment longer, concern swirling in his grey hues, before he stood and went back to reading his book on the couch.

(Y/N) went back to her work, but she made a silent promise to both Levi and herself that she would try harder, for both of them, to get over the horrors of her past. They both deserved it, and she wanted it more than anything. Even if it meant divulging her secret, she would do it for them.

______________________________

(Y/N) could feel Levi’s eyes on her as she winced again, forcing down the urge to rub her back. She had still been in obvious pain when she had woken up that morning, her back hunched over as she tried to arch away from the aching in between her shoulder blades, so much so that Levi had tried to bench her from the mission. (Y/N) had put her foot down on that one, arguing with him all the way out to the stable, until he had finally dropped it as she mounted her horse. 

The pain was a problem, she knew that, but she also knew that this mission was going to require all hands on deck. Apparently, some more advanced abnormals had been spotted outside of the gates, ones that knew how to climb, and so they were tasked with going out to find and kill them if necessary. She knew Hanji wanted to study them, but the safety of the other soldiers would have to come first. It had even been announced that the Garrison would be accompanying them, doubling their numbers to increase their chances of success. It was all bullshit to (Y/N), the Garrison soldiers didn’t know how to really fight, having spent their whole lives pissing themselves behind the walls while the Survey Corps went outside to fight for humanity, but she couldn’t argue with the Prime Commander.

They were lined up in front of the gate, waiting for the signal to move out, and she just knew Levi was watching her like a hawk as another pang of heat stabbing her back had her biting her lip. Maybe she shouldn’t have come. It would’ve killed her to stay behind as her comrades fought and died for their cause without her, but now she wondered if that would’ve been a better plan. Not only was the pain getting nearly intolerable, she just knew that Levi would be watching out for her the entire time, at least, more than usual, and it was not a good idea for Humanity’s Strongest to be distracted on an expedition.

She turned around and found his eyes on her just as she had thought, the silver hues narrowed on her dangerously. She knew that look. It was a look that said ‘if you die, I’ll kill you.’ Sending her own glare back, she mouthed, ‘I’m fine,’ before turning back to face the front. 

She could still feel his eyes on her but as the bell tolled above them, she reset her focus on the formation in front of her, steeling her nerves against the dangers outside the walls. As soon as the gate was fully lifted, the bell tolls clanging to a stop, Erwin let out a bellowing war cry and charged out into the expansive fields beyond the walls, the men and women behind him letting out similar yells as they followed their Commander. (Y/N) did the same, her stunning liver chestnut mare, Zephyr, rearing up at (Y/N)’s yell, and charging forward. The galloping movement immediately sent bolts of white hot pain up her spine but she ignored it, gritting her teeth and kicking her horse into a faster gallop.

Clearing the gate, (Y/N) immediately directed her horse to the right flank, breaking off with the rest of her squad, her Squad Leader, Hanji, leading the charge in front of them with bright eyes searching for the abnormal titans. (Y/N) rolled her eyes affectionately at her Squad Leader’s antics, a small smile making its way to her face at the thought of the energetic brunette bouncing around her titan experiments while Levi grumbled in annoyance about her getting eaten one day.

Suddenly, Zephyr gave a little crow hop, bouncing over a small log in the field instead of going around it like (Y/N) had expected. Normally, she didn’t mind it too much, sometimes grunting in annoyance at her mare being stubborn but being otherwise unaffected. But this time, the movement caused her to gasp in pain, feeling as if she had just been burned between her shoulders. She saw her surrounding squad members give her odd looks and Hanji even turned with a raised eyebrow to check that she was alright, but she waved them off. She could handle this, she had handled it before, she could handle it now. Anger washed through her system at the stubbornness of her body. She hated how it demanded from her so often, striking bolts of pain into her back every time she  refused to let go for more than a few days at a time. She would’ve done so a few days ago, but she had been so busy, she hadn’t had time and now her body hurt like a bitch, screaming at her to just let go.

Ignoring the urge to either give herself what she wanted or claw her own back out, (Y/N) clenched her jaw so tight her teeth hurt and continued forward, hoping for the first time in her life for some titans to show up so she could distract herself from this pain with some well placed blows to the nape. She was at least grateful for the fact that Levi was stationed on the other side of the formation, too far away to focus on her.

Almost as if someone was listening to her thoughts, a red flare went off to their left. Hanji immediately jerked her head up and shouted out orders, lifting her own flare to shoot it into the sky. (Y/N) braced herself, her hand coming back to rest on the handle of her blade despite the lack of visual, waiting for the ugly beasts to show their faces.

She felt them before she saw them, their heavy footfalls making the ground shake as they got nearer. She felt her horse tense beneath her, but a few cooing words had her mare relaxing again, focusing on doing her job. Hanji’s squad was reaching the edge of the forest when the titans finally showed themselves, their wide grins and sparkling eyes spelling out a violent death for all of them as the beasts broke into a run, headed straight for the group of soldiers. The Garrison soldiers around her gasped in fear, their bodies tensing to the point of some of them making their horses frustrated, the animals snorting and pinning their ears at the increased pressure on their flanks.

(Y/N) shot them reassuring looks despite her annoyance at their inexperience, trying to be sensitive to their fear. It was one of the very few times they had ever been outside the walls after all. Pulling her swords from their sheathes, (Y/N) waited for the signal from Hanji, watching as the man-eating monsters got closer and closer, their mouths gaping open in anticipation.

When the beasts were close enough for them to practically feel their hot breath, Hanji gave the signal and the entire squad scattered immediately. The Garrison soldiers reacted slower but followed Hanji’s team, not arguing for once as they fought to avoid being ripped to shreds. Three Garrison soldiers rode on either side of (Y/N) as she galloped towards one of the titans and leaped from her horse, swords poised to strike. The Garrison soldiers stayed on the ground as was part of the plan, and let (Y/N) shoot her hooks into the titan, slicing the beast while it was focused on trying to eat the soldiers below. The giant died with a crash, its body already steaming by the time it hit the ground. (Y/N) landed on the titan’s shoulders, hissing as the hot steam bit her skin, and whistled for her horse.

“Good work, you three,” (Y/N) said as she remounted Zephyr, riding back up to the men flanking her. “If we keep doing that, everything will be fine.”

(Y/N) knew she was lying. Anything could happen on an expedition that could lead to their unexpected deaths, but as the men nodded, a little bit of color coming back into their paled faces, she knew it was worth it to lie. If she could keep their confidence up, their mission would have a higher chance of success. 

Looking around, (Y/N) spotted the rest of Hanji’s squad joining back together, the three titans lying dead on the ground, the steam rising into the air as they disintegrated. Nodding to the Garrison soldiers around her, (Y/N) kicked her horse forward and rejoined the group.

“Any sign of the climbing ones yet?” (Y/N) asked, riding up beside Hanji. Her Squad Leader shook her head, a slight look of disappointment on her face.

“Not yet, but we’re still watching. Keep an eye out for black flares.”

“Yes, Captain,” (Y/N) said, slowing Zephyr down again to rejoin her proper formation placement.

The mission continued on surprisingly smoothly, titans coming and going but only some managing to get past the other legions to reach Hanji’s squad. The ones that did get through the ranks were easily slaughtered, the soldiers remaining in their tight knit formation as much as possible. By the time they were rounding the forest, aiming to rejoin the other two groups, (Y/N) was starting to lose control. While killing the titans provided her a good distraction, flying into the air on her ODM gear just made the pain in her back worse, her body screaming at her with every galloping step. Spots were starting to form in her vision, and she knew something bad would happen if she didn’t get help soon.

“Hanji-”

(Y/N) was interrupted by the appearance of several black flares at once, painting the sky in a smokey grey as they faded with the wind. All thoughts of her pain eddied from (Y/N)’s mind at the sight of those flares, where they came from. That was from Levi’s squad. (Y/N) fought the panic that automatically rose in her throat. They had been on several missions together and had survived every single one. (Y/N) had to have confidence that this would be no different. Levi was Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, he could handle himself just fine on the battlefield.

Regardless, when Hanji announced that they were changing directory, spinning her horse around to run towards the source of the black flares, (Y/N) couldn’t help but feel a flash of relief, eager to check on her lover and protect him if necessary.

____________________________

Levi cursed as another abnormal leapt at him, keeping him too busy to assist anyone else, his heart clenching at the sound of screaming all around him. It had happened so fast, everything had been normal, calm, almost peaceful until one of them had jumped out of a tree like a giant, horrific ape. After that, only more and more had followed, the climbing titans using the trees as leverage to jump on top of the soldiers, crushing the ones under their feet and disorienting the ones that managed to avoid the first devastating blow.

The titan swiped for him again, nearly spinning him out of control when one of its claws caught the edge of his cape, ripping the fabric and throwing off his balance. He was running low on gas but he had no place to go, the forest too far away to latch onto a tree and the titan too difficult to use as an anchor point. Levi twisted, and shot his hooks out again before quickly retracting them from where they had landed in the beast’s neck, using the momentum of which to throw himself out of the way of the titan’s next grab at him.

That was when he saw his opening. Right as he twisted, he noticed that the titan had swung too hard too fast when aiming for Levi, and ended up stumbling forward a little, off balance from the force of the swing. Not wasting a second longer, Levi shot for its nape, spinning as he dove down and slicing through the flesh with a furious roar. The beast crumpled to the ground, taking Levi with it until the raven-haired Captain could land safely on its head.

Looking around again, Levi growled in anger. His squad seemed shaken and injured but alive, while the Garrison soldiers had dropped like flies, the strategic fighting style of these new titans proving to be too much for the normally lazy soldiers. While he normally hated the Garrison, Levi couldn’t help but feel a pang in his heart at the thought of the unnecessary deaths, gritting his teeth in anger as he looked towards the forest where things seemed to have quieted down again. For now.

The sound of hoofbeats roused him from his thoughts as he mounted his stallion and regrouped with his squad, his head turning to see Hanji’s squad heading right for them. Kicking his horse into a gallop, Levi and his group met Hanji half way, his eyes automatically searching for (Y/N) and softening when he found her, her own relieved gaze settled on him.

“Levi, what’s going on?” Hanji demanded.

“Abnormal climbing titans, just like the reports said. They were in the goddamn trees, used them like fucking launch pads to corner us,” Levi said, the fire in his eyes stating very clearly what the next set of instructions were. Kill not capture.

Hanji saw that look too and hung her head but nodded. She may be a crazy scientist who loved to do tests on man-eating monsters, but she wouldn’t risk lives unnecessarily. Levi nodded once, grateful for her lack of protest.

“I am low on gas so unless someone has another canister, I’m going to need to head back to the middle. I probably only have enough to shoot up into a tree. That last titan kept toying with me for a while, and I couldn’t find a place to land.”

Hanji’s eyes widened before she nodded. “I’ll take care of your squad, go to Erwin in the center formation. They might even have some extra canisters there if you look in the supply wagon, assuming it hasn’t been destroyed by a titan yet.”

Levi grunted in acknowledgement and turned around, clicking his tongue and pressing his legs into his stallion’s side. His horse burst into a canter and started heading for where they knew Erwin was stationed, the red flares in the sky telling them they had not yet encountered the abnormals.

(Y/N) was just about to turn and double check the gas levels on the canisters of the soldiers around her, able to act as Hanji’s second in command due to her experience, when movement in the trees caught her eye. Her eyes widened and Levi’s name was out of her mouth in a scream before her mind could even really process the situation. Kicking her horse into a furious gallop, (Y/N) ignored the shouts of her name as she rode right for her lover, her eyes watching as the abnormal titan, its body hidden by the canopy of trees, made right for Levi.

To her horror, Levi slowed to a stop and turned to see what (Y/N) wanted, not yet having realized that he was only thirty feet from death. Screaming for him to get out of the way, (Y/N) pushed Zephyr to the brink, desperate to reach him before the titan did, her eyes catching the white teeth that glinted in the dappled sunlight beneath the trees.

Watching where she was looking, Levi finally realized what she must be screaming about. Looking towards the forest, he still couldn’t see anything, but he figured he must be at the wrong angle to see whatever danger (Y/N) could see. Immediately putting his full faith in her, Levi started galloping again, trying to get out of the way. But it was too late. Just as he started moving again, his eyes finally caught sight of the abnormal titan, the beast hanging from a tree branch and smiling at him, drool falling in rivers from its mouth as it eyed him like a fresh cut steak.

Levi knew it was too late, his eyes closing as the titan leaped at him, its mouth gaping, teeth ready to bite him in half. There was nothing he could do. He was out of gas, out of time. His horse panicked beneath him, trying to turn in a way that would avoid the blow, but he wasn’t fast enough.

“I love you, (Y/N),” Levi murmured to himself just as he felt his body get slammed out of the saddle.

_____________________________

Levi grunted in pain at the feeling of being swatted from the back of his horse, his eyes squeezed shut as the wind howled in his ears. He had expected the titan to jump on him like the last one did, but as he felt himself flying through the air, he realized the beast must’ve thrown him. He braced himself to hit the ground, almost hoping the impact would kill him quickly rather than feeling the pain of being crushed between a titan’s teeth. 

But he never did. 

Opening his eyes, Levi looked down to see the ground far below him, the other soldiers scrambling for cover as the titan rampaged below. He could even see his own stallion, riderless, galloping around in a panic, clearly having jumped out of the titan’s way when he was thrown out of the saddle. But he wasn’t falling towards the ground.

Levi fought for breath as he realized he was flying parallel to the ground, neither rising nor falling, just gliding over the field. He gasped out when his body turned in midair, curving in an arc and dipping down to aim back to where his squad members had finally managed to kill the abnormal and were looking at him with shocked faces, standing around with wide eyes and dropped jaws.

Suddenly, his body was shifted a little, and Levi realized there were a pair of strong, soft arms holding him close to someone’s chest. The wind still howled in his ears, but now that some of the initial panic was gone, he could detect the sound of crying. Looking up, Levi froze, his eyes locking on familiar (e/c) ones he saw everyday. (Y/N) was carrying him. But then how was she working her ODM gear without using her hands to pull the triggers? Where was she connecting her grappling hooks to?

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you,” (Y/N) was whispering over and over again into his ear, her body shaking almost as much as his.

“(Y/N), what-?”

That was when he finally noticed. His face had been so close to hers, his eyes so focused on holding her gaze that he hadn’t thought to look out a little. But now he saw. Over the rush of the wind in his ears he could hear it too, the sound of the air being beat around them. His breath caught in his throat, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. Poking out from (Y/N)’s back to stretch taut on either side of her, were a pair of gorgeous, leathery black wings.

“Hold on tight to me,” (Y/N) murmured, not giving him a chance to question her before she dove down, folding her wings in slightly so that they sped towards Levi’s squad. Levi naturally gripped her harder, his arms around her neck and his face nestled into her throat as they dropped, his heart in his mouth. Just before hitting the ground, (Y/N) spread her wings out again, flaring them open to catch the wind and slow their descent before flapping them a few times to land gracefully on the ground.

(Y/N) instantly set Levi back down on the ground as soon as they were stable, but held her shoulder out to him to lean against, knowing his legs were probably like jelly after that near death experience. She was still trembling like a leaf, a mix of adrenaline and paralyzing fear overwhelming her body. 

She hadn’t thought when she had finally let go. She just did it. The sight of Levi, about to get eaten by that foul beast, had wiped all sense of logic from her brain. She would’ve used her gear, but she knew she wouldn’t have reached him in time, her natural mode of flight much faster than a bucket of bolts and wires.

The horrible pain in her back was gone now, replaced by a pleasant throbbing as the satisfying new weight sat perfectly between her shoulders. Her back was automatically realigned, her body made for the wings she displayed so that she wouldn’t hunch. It felt so good to have them out again, even if the breeze that brushed them did cause her to shiver and tuck them in close to her body. But she knew now. There was no hiding this from anyone. Erwin may not have been around to see it, but both of Levi’s and Hanji’s squads had seen it, along with all of the Garrison soldiers that had come along for the trip.

She was starting to feel light headed. This was bad. This was really really bad. Memories came flooding back, the cages and the chains and the whips and the evil grins. She didn’t know what to do. Should she fly away? She didn’t have to worry about titans so much when she didn’t have to worry about gas usage, but then she would be leaving her friends and comrades alone with little gas and a shocked, distracted state of mind. If they didn’t get themselves together when she left, too stunned by her secret to function as an elite unit, they would most certainly perish. She was just about to say something when one of the Garrison soldiers opened his mouth instead.

“Well well well…,” he nearly purred, making (Y/N)’s hair stand up on end. “What  do we have here? Those are some pretty sweet wings you’ve got there. How did you get them?”

“That’s none of your concern,” (Y/N) said, her body tensing as she brought her wings impossibly closer to her body.

“I’m assuming it’s a difficult, nearly impossible procedure? I wonder exactly how many of you there are out there. Not many, I’m assuming?”

(Y/N) didn’t answer. She could see where this was going but she had to wait it out, her eyes scanning the territory around them not only for an escape route, but also to check for oncoming titans.

“That makes me wonder…, how much someone would be willing to pay for the only winged human in the world…”

(Y/N) met his eyes then. She felt Levi tense beside her but he still seemed to be in shock, his hair covering his face as he looked down at the ground, refusing to even glance in her direction. The sight made her heart clench painfully. She had known she would lose him when she finally revealed her true self to him, but it didn’t lessen the pain of actually experiencing it, the happy memories from the past six months flooding her brain only to turn sour at the sight of the normally regal Captain hunched over in distress.

“GET HER!”

The loud bellow snapped her out of her thoughts, her head jerking around to see every Garrison soldier immediately charge her, weapons raised and eyes glimmering. She could see them practically drooling at the thought of the mountains of money they were going to receive for bringing back such a rare creature. Letting out a loud snarl, (Y/N) viciously snapped her wings open, the large black membranes stretching out in their entirety before she shot into the air, knocking some of the surrounding soldiers over with the force of her wings flapping. She heard the sound of gunshots and let out a yelp when she felt a bullet strike her side but she kept flying, darting into the forest without hesitation, her wings curling and arching to allow her to whip around the trees. Her wings pumped, beating the air as she flew as fast as she could, disappearing into the foliage until she could no longer hear the unintelligible sounds of screaming behind her.

___________________________

Levi was a complete wreck. When that piece of shit had barked at his men to grab her, bringing out his gun and actually managing to hit her somewhere, Levi had snapped out of his daze and damn near killed the man. Only having both Hanji and a frantic Erwin drag him off the other man had kept Levi from finishing him off.

Erwin, who had come running up when neither of his two troops came back, was quickly briefed on the situation while the Garrison soldiers were held at gunpoint, all of them trying to figure out what the hell to do. In the end, Erwin had decided to retreat, the threat of more titans appearing becoming a greater and greater threat the longer they stayed in one place. Levi had been adamant, refusing to leave his lover out on her own, but Hanji, Erwin, and eventually Mike managed to force him to come with them.

As soon as they had made it back to base, the Garrison soldiers had been imprisoned for the unprecedented attack against a Survey Corps officer, none of their superiors believing in a story about a woman with wings, all of them assuming the men had gone crazy from their experience outside the walls for the first time. The Survey Corps soldiers had been sent back to base to eat and rest, despite the fact that it was obvious none of that was going to happen with the entire place abuzz with rumors and retellings of what had happened on the battlefield.

Levi was distraught, pacing his office as if he were caged, his hand raking through his hair. Hanji and Erwin joined him in his office as soon as they had put away their horses and gear, Hanji even taking the time to take care of (Y/N)’s horse before finding their friend in his quarters. Neither one of them had ever seen him this upset and it worried them, the wild look in his eyes as he fought with himself over the decision to leave her out there, even when he hadn’t had a choice.

“I’m assuming, Levi, based on your reaction that you did not know?” Erwin asked carefully.

“Of course I didn’t know! I mean, her back was really bothering her and she’s always been sensitive to touch, almost fearful of it, but there was nothing to suggest that she has fucking wings hidden in her back!”

“Okay, we need to think about this very carefully,” Hanji said.

“What is there to think about!?” Levi cried. “We are going back out there to get her as soon as the horses have had some water and my squad has rested.”

“Levi, it’s not that simple. We were able to stop the spread of rumors throughout the Garrison for now, but what do you think will happen when we get her back here, hmm? You can’t protect her from everyone, and word will get out about her… gift. You can’t just lock her up in a box either. Obviously, she’s been having some problems with keeping this a secret, so we need to have a solid plan, something to ensure her safety before we throw her into danger unnecessarily,” Hanji said.

Levi sighed and hung his head, bracing his palms against the edge of his desk. What his friends were saying was true, but he just couldn’t help the feelings that were running rampant through him. The thought of anyone trying to take his lover from him made his blood boil. He wanted nothing more than to protect her at all costs, to keep her safe and hidden away from the dangers of the world. 

But Hanji was right. She wasn’t just some animal that could be kept in a room and still be happy. She was a person, and not just any person, a person with wings. She would naturally want to be out and about. Besides, he didn’t want her to have to live that way anyway. He wanted her to be able to live her life freely, the way she wanted to, without fear of being captured and used for experiments.

Levi looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned to see Erwin standing beside him, his face scrunched with worry for both of his hurting friends. He could see how much Levi wanted to help her, but he was being irrational and just needed a moment to step back.

“Levi, right now I want you to settle down and rest. That’s an order,” Erwin said when Levi opened his mouth to argue. “Hanji and I will start putting together a plan and go over it with you tomorrow, but right now, you are not in the right frame of mind to contribute. Understood?”

Levi wanted to press the issue further but he eventually nodded and sighed, accepting defeat.

“Good.”

Levi watched as his two friends left, closing the door behind them in the hopes that Levi would be able to eventually relax a little. Levi scoffed at the idea, resting while his beloved was stuck outside the walls, injured and struggling for survival. The only comfort he had was that it was getting dark outside, the titans settling down for the night with the setting sun.

“Just hang in there, (Y/N). Please, just stay alive, I’m coming for you as soon as I can, I promise.”

_________________________________

Levi shot awake, his body covered in sweat and his chest heaving to find himself in his office. He didn’t know when he had fallen asleep, only that he had obviously dozed off in his desk chair, his neck aching from the odd sleeping position. He had been dreaming of (Y/N) calling for his help, screaming as she was crushed between the jaws of a titan. He had tried to reach her, but his feet wouldn’t move, keeping him frozen to the floor as he watched the love of his life die, even after she had saved his life without hesitation.

He brought a hand to his face, wiping the sweat from his skin and closing his eyes again, the sight of (Y/N) blowing him a kiss and mouthing ‘I love you’ before she died, burned into his brain no matter how many times he tried to convince himself it wasn’t real. He swallowed hard and opened his eyes again, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. (Y/N) was the strongest woman he knew. Not only as a soldier, but also in her determination to help others and make it through any situation, no matter the challenge. If anyone could make it out there, it would be her.

Standing up, Levi was about to go brew himself some tea when a light tapping on the glass of his window made him look up. He nearly choked on his gasp at the sight of (Y/N), holding a hand to her side where she had wrapped her bullet wound with torn pieces of her jacket, but seemingly otherwise unharmed. She was standing on the windowsill on the side of the castle, her wings hidden again.

Levi wasted no time in sprinting to the window and flinging it open, pulling her into his arms, immediately burying his face into her neck and inhaling her scent, his right hand placed against her chest to feel her heartbeat drum against his fingers. She sagged against him and hugged him back, a small smile spreading across her face at his affection.

“Oh my gods, (Y/N),” Levi choked out, reaching up to stroke her hair softly. “I was so fucking worried.”

“I’m here now, Levi. It’s okay.”

“How?” Levi asked, pulling back to look her into her eyes.

“Um…, it wasn’t too bad when I didn’t have to worry about gas. I just had to stay high enough to keep away from the titans that could jump, and then I stayed above the cloud line when crossing the wall to stay out of sight.”

Levi blinked at her and she glanced away from him, her front teeth coming out to bite at her lip nervously. He still hadn’t reacted to the news. She knew there was a chance he could try to imprison her, or have her experimented on, but she just couldn’t stay away from him. She had argued with herself when she had finally found a safe pace to stay, but she knew she couldn’t leave him. No matter what happened to her, she had to see him one last time.

“Hey,” Levi said, gently lifting her chin. “It’s okay. It’s definitely… different, but I love you and nothing could ever change that. Not even a pair of beautiful wings.”

“You think they’re beautiful?” (Y/N) asked, a hopeful glint in her eye.

“Yes,” Levi breathed. “And they helped you save my life, thank you.”

(Y/N) nodded and nuzzled into his chest a little, her nerves still tingling. He had called them beautiful, but she still felt wary, like something bad was going to happen any second now.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Levi asked after a moment of silence.

“You saw what happened when people found out. I became very valuable all of a sudden, and not in the good way.”

“You think I would ever do that to you?”

“No.., not really. I guess, I was worried about you hating me, but I never thought you’d hurt me. I was mostly afraid of everyone else, and what they might’ve done to you if you tried to prevent them from taking me.”

Levi looked into her eyes then. She had kept them a secret not just to protect herself but also to protect him. His heart warmed at the sentiment at the same time that anger coiled in his gut, upset at the idea of her having to feel this way because people wouldn’t accept her for who she is.

“How?” Levi asked.

(Y/N) knew what he meant. She loosed a sigh and backed away from him, her arms coming around to hold herself.

“I don’t know specifically how because the experiments technically weren’t done on me. But I was raised in a lab. I was experimented on a lot after I was born, testing my limits and trying to see how strong I was. It was horrible, especially when they would test pain durability and tolerance,” Levi sucked in a breath but didn’t interrupt, letting her pour her heart out.

“I was apparently supposed to be the newest weapon for the Survey Corps, a new line of technology that some people discovered one day. I was supposed to be a prototype of some sort, for a new way to fight. They were going to advertise having this procedure done on people so that we would never have to use ODM gear ever again.”

“But it didn’t go according to plan. I said earlier that the experiments technically weren’t done on me because it was originally my mother that they were using. She was a nobody, a prostitute from the Underground that nobody cared about after she had gotten pregnant from a client. Problem was, when they selected her, they didn’t know she was pregnant. I’m pretty sure she didn’t even know either. They just picked her because she was losing popularity at her particular brothel. Turns out morning sickness isn’t exactly a turn on,” (Y/N) said bitterly, making Levi’s blood boil at the thought of this poor pregnant woman going through that.

“She was experimented on, injected with things, tortured. All in the hopes that she would grow wings like I did. What they didn’t know was that the treatments were actually affecting me inside of her, making me develop differently. They found out when they noticed her stomach extending and used some tests to determine she was pregnant. They made her go through with it, keeping her healthy until I was born,” (Y/N) closed her eyes and swallowed hard, a shuddering breath escaping from her lips as she recalled the last part.

“Apparently, since I developed wings in the womb, when I was born, I ended up killing my own mother, her body not prepared to give birth to two extra appendages. I was too big for her body to handle, in terms of shape, and I ended up ripping her on the inside, both with the size of my wings and the talons I have on each crest.”

Levi’s eyes widened, (Y/N)’s bitter expression telling him that everything she said was true.

“But they didn’t care about my mother. She was just some rat from the Underground to them. So when she died, they threw her body out back for the animals to get and immediately started working on me.”

(Y/N) chuckled darkly when Levi growled, her eyes flashing in agreement. “Yeah I know.”

“So, how did you get out?” Levi asked.

“Well, they would take me on these test flights sometimes, outside the walls to see how good I was at killing titans and maneuvering around their attempts to catch me. I was always attached to things or people, chained to a cart or something to keep me from flying away. One day, when we were out, a horde of titans came out of nowhere. I killed some of them, protecting myself, but when they went for the people I was tortured by…, I just didn’t act quite as fast as I could’ve to kill the titans.”

Levi nodded, love swelling in his chest at the thought that she had trusted him enough to tell him that. “C-Can I see them?”

(Y/N) hesitated. She trusted Levi, but years of instincts and habits were hard to break. Steeling her nerves, (Y/N) nodded once and closed her eyes. Levi watched in awe as (Y/N) took a deep breath and slowly unfurled her wings, the large black membranes expanding and stretching until they were fully revealed.

Levi knew she was feeling nervous, could tell in the way she shifted from foot to foot and bit her lip again, but he couldn’t form the words to comfort her, rendered speechless by the sight in front of him. He had thought they were beautiful when he saw them briefly on the battlefield, but now up close, the only word he could think of to describe her was stunning. Her wingspan was obviously huge, the wings stretching out enough to almost brush along both walls of his office. They gleamed in the flickering candlelight, especially off of the sharp talons she had at the tip of each wing. They almost seemed to breathe, the muscles naturally rising and falling with each breath she took, the membranes turned into various shades of red and gold as the light filtered through them.

“Wow…,” Levi murmured, prompting a blush to form on (Y/N)’s cheeks.

“You don’t think they’re weird?”

“No,” Levi said, gently coming closer to her. “Do you think…, do you think I could… touch one?”

(Y/N) tensed a little but eventually nodded, a curious spark in her eye. “Just be gentle, they are ~Hah! Ahhahh…”

Levi had gently brushed his fingertip along her left wing as she was talking, the soft moan that escaped her mouth causing him to freeze. He looked at her face to see her gritting her teeth.

“That,” she swallowed. “Is very sensitive.”

“Bad sensitive or good sensitive?”

“G-Good.”

Levi smirked. “Oh? What if I do this?”

(Y/N) clenched her fists and stood ramrod straight, a gasp tearing from her throat as he took two fingers and ran them along the inner curve of her wing, brushing against her with the utmost care and gentleness.

Levi marveled at the feeling of her wing. It was way softer than he could’ve ever imagined, like pure silk. It was warm too, he could feel the pulsing of her heartbeat through the membrane, the heat from her blood circulation making her wing have the feeling of freshly baked cookies.

“What does it feel like?” Levi asked, his voice no louder than a whisper.

“Um, like this,” (Y/N) said, her words strangled. She surprised him by placing her hand beneath his shirt and running it down his chest with featherlight caresses. When she reached his abs, she unexpectedly leaned forward and bit his ear lobe, licking along the shell and blowing on it, making him shudder with a quiet groan.

“Oh,” Levi said, his voice two octaves deeper than before as tingles exploded through his system.

“Yeah,” (Y/N) said with a chuckle.

“Where do you hide them?” Levi asked as he reached his hand up to stroke her wing again, ripping another gasp from her.

“There are two slits in my back, they look almost like a pair of giant fish gills. They are nearly unnoticeable normally, but when I haven’t opened them for a while they become more prominent.”

“Is that also why you were having such horrible back pain?”

“Yeah, if I keep them hidden for too long my body starts to get upset with me. You see, I’m built to have wings. My spine is slightly altered to accommodate for them, so when I hide them away, it curls my spine abnormally. If I don’t release them every few days, I get those back pains you saw me dealing with. I normally just release them in my room when it’s late at night and the doors are locked, but I’ve been so busy, I haven’t had time to safely stretch them out without hurting myself. It was because of that that I was so sensitive to touch as well. Part of it was genuinely from my past of abuse, but the other part of it was to make sure you didn’t find them by accident. Sometimes you can cause them to come out by squeezing the right pressure point on my back.”

Levi nodded. “(Y/N), I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this alone. I wish you had told me sooner. Just know that I will protect you and we will get through this together, alright? I’m not leaving you and I will not let anyone take you from me.”

(Y/N) smiled at him, tears springing to her eyes at his warm sentiment. Gods, she was so in love with this man. If she thought he was perfect before, she didn’t know what to think now other than he was more than perfect, and she couldn’t help but swell with pride and love at the thought that he was all hers. She knew in the morning she would have to face a bombardment of questions and the world would get a lot more dangerous for her, but with Levi by her side, she knew they could conquer anything.

[now-im-a-belieber]

“what do you think I am? a machine?” + joe liebgott because I love a little more ✨angst✨ in my life please

prompt: “what do you think I am? a machine?”

joseph liebgott x reader

a/n: carrie you literally asked for angst so i can't apologize for this. i hope you don't hate it 😬

══════════════════

It felt like any other day. Your usual work was sorted. The sky was a plain blue. And on your way home you'd barely thought of anything more than how anxious you were to settle in for the evening. 

But when you approached the door of your apartment, the handle wouldn't budge. Joe must've beaten you home, and turned the lock out of habit. He'd done that from time to time.

Only now, when you knocked, he didn't come rushing to the door, fumbling an apology for keeping you out for even a second; like he had the couple times this had happened before.

And when you knocked again, a steel silence remained. A dreary feeling crept into your chest, as you called Joe's name and knocked for a third time.

You could've gone digging for your key. But for some reason, you were overcome by an absolute necessity for Joe to be the one to let you in.

And after a beat, you finally heard his shuffle from just beyond your home's entry. The sounds of Joe's approaching brought relief, but the pause that followed brought your dread back tenfold.

"Joe?" You rang once more, pressing your palm to the door as if you'd be able to feel him from here. To be able to tell he was really there.

"Go home." He responded, his voice sounding from just beyond the closed door, but seeming light-years away.

His announcement confused you. But made sense of your dread, all the same, somehow. You recognized the tone he used. The meaning behind his very strange words.  It must've been another bad night...

"What?" You nearly laughed. You were home. You were trying to get in as he spoke. 

"Go home," Joe repeated, almost desperately. "Go...  Stay with your ma. Tell her... You... Tell her anything. Or with a friend-"

"Joseph." You rang, frustrated. "What's all this about, huh?"

He didn't respond as you jiggled the handle and swallowed the swell of your worriedly beating heart.

"Open the door." You called, still trying the handle as you tried to piece together why he'd said what he said. And what to respond in turn with, once you could look in his eyes and emphasize a handful of promises.

The quiet lingering from Joe's end was heavy and maddening. But you knew better than to let it drive you so quickly and uselessly vexed.

It was finally after you repeated yourself in the calmest way you knew possible, using his full name for good measure, did anything start to happen.

The sound of your man scuffling closer yet. His distant grumbling. The sound of the lock clicking. You let out a bated breath, and reached back for the handle, silently rejoicing as it turned in your grasp.

He wasn't just beyond the door when you opened it. Joe had made his way toward the sofa, anxiously leaning on its arm, his fingers drumming against the velvet.

"What do you want, Joe?" You wondered. Dropping your things near the coat rack and slowly approaching the man you loved, watching his eyes stay on the floor near his feet as you spoke.

"A day off? Hell, we can stay here all weekend." You offered, searching his face for softening or disdain at your offer. "Or do you wanna get away? We can book a room someplace we've never heard of."

You stalled a step away as you wrapped up your sentence. And no sooner than you had, did Joe burst forth a response.

"No, it doesn't fucking matter what I want." He spoke harshly, pushing away from the sofa. You decidedly took the spot he'd just left, watching his steps toward the wall, and then back toward you in a half hearted pace.

"Of course it does," You reminded, gently. There was no use in you both shouting.

He started to protest again, but let you go on,

"If you need something, Joe, then we'll make it happen."

It was as simple as that, in your eyes. He could kick and scream and you'd let him. And then you'd stand by until an offer stuck, and you'd care for him through it. You'd been prepared to do just that, since before he ever had such miserable reasons to lose his cool on otherwise perfectly passing days.

"You don't understand." He pointed. Turning his head as if trying to search for how better to explain himself. And then he went on to do just that...

"What do you think I am? A machine?" He spat. "Getting out of bed and getting dressed and living my life won't make a difference. Whether I waste a week staring at the fucking wall or dive headfirst back into living like I used to, shaking hands at God forsaken work parties, I'll still be fucked up and there's no changing that."

You listened, stood in half shock. It was like Joe to get worked up, and to spin off on some tangent. But he only ever lost his cool at things that didn't seem to really matter.

Small happenings would cause the bottle he stored his anger in, to finally topple over. Those tiny, final straws added up and until Joe finally snapped under the weight of the pile, and let off some steam.

So you weren't surprised to watch the man you loved spiral into a mess of bittered words.

But you were taken aback completely now, because it was unlike him to speak so honestly. So plainly. Not to say he was some kind of liar. He just never so directly acknowledged his issues as he stood doing now.

"And you deserve better." Joe's tone shifted to a waver more pitiful, as you took in the matter at hand, watching his every move. "You won't even fucking yell back! Because you are better. You gotta get out of here-"

"Shut. Up." You calmly but sternly demanded, standing more upright to meet him across the room. Now that his words had been halted, Joe's emotions began to twist his expression and break your heart.

He turned away from you, as you reached for his shoulders, gently calling his name. Joe feebly resisted your pulling him closer, mumbling something about how you deserved better over and over. Whispering something about how he was barely good enough for you before; and how he'd never be, now.

All the while you pulled him near. You wrapped your arms around his neck and held him against you while his mumbles turned to sniffles. You held him tight, until he finally let his fingers curl around your sides, and held you too.

"Sorry to say I'm not goin' any place, unless you're goin' too." You spoke, just loud enough for Joe to hear as he relaxed more into your hold. "Even if you think you're all fucked up," you went on, watching as Joe pushed himself from you so his eyes could find yours.

"Why?" Joe asked, confounded more than you'd seen any man. He looked like a boy trying to work out an equation on a blackboard too far from his face. His expression, so honest and bemused you couldn't help but let out a quiet laugh.

Your chuckles only caused his brows to push closer together. So with the slight shake of your head, you pulled his face closer with both hands and kissed his mused hair, and offered to make some tea.

You'd been anxious all day to make it home and to finally relax.  To sit in the quiet of the safest space you knew, next to the man you loved. The pair of you could go on spending that time figuring what he really wanted. That's what you wanted more than anything. To be with him. To be there for him. You wanted Joe. 

So you put the kettle on. And when he reached for your hand across the kitchen table, you knew he wanted you, too.

[stxrrywildflower]

pride and joy

pairing - bau team x teen!reader

summary - you feel neglected after rossi reconnects with joy

warnings - none

word count - ?

you had to find out from morgan of all people what was going on with your dad.

like most days, you had headed right to the fbi building directly after school. whenever the team didn’t have a case, you just met rossi at quantico and stayed until he headed home. sure there were days where you went home instead but you loved being around the bau team, especially because they were more then happy to joke around and even help with homework.

today was no different. rossi had given you your own personal visitors pass awhile back. after flashing that to the security guard with a smile, you were let in and headed over to the elevators.

spencer and emily were the ones to greet you when you stepped out into the sixth floor. “oh hi!” you greeted, not expecting to see them out of the bullpen. “hey y/n, we have to head down to the police station to pick up the usual batch of reports. everyone else should be inside,” emily explained.

with one final wave to the two agents, you pushed open the glass doors and stepped in. just like emily and spencer had said, almost everyone else was in the bullpen. j.j. and derek were talking at their desks while hotch was up in his office. the only issue was that your dads office was completely empty.

derek smiled when he noticed your noticed your presence and motioned for you to join them. you grabbed a chair from one of the desks and pulled it up so you could sit. “little rossi! how was school?” derek questioned. you laughed slightly at the nickname. “eh it was okay. i’m just happy summer vacation is soon,” you started, “hey where’s my dad?”

“i’m not one hundred percent sure but i think he’s out for a late lunch with joy,” derek replied, looking towards j.j. for confirmation.

“yeah he’s with joy,” j.j. piped up from her desk.

you spun around, extremely confused at that statement. “who’s joy?” you asked.

both j.j. and derek’s heads snapped up at your question. you could tell a silent conversation was going on between the two as you just continued to look back and forth. “you don’t know?” j.j. finally said. “know what? you’re kinda scaring me,” you spoke shakily.

derek motioned for you to follow him. you left your backpack by his desk and walked up to the conference room. j.j. was right behind you though she stopped in to talk to hotch. finally, once she returned, the two stood in front of you while jumped up and sat on the table. “can you please just explain what’s going on?” you pleaded.

“my dad has another kid?” you spoke up after j.j. and derek has explained, “i have a sister.” the combination of desperation and slight anger in your voice made both of the profilers shoot you sympathetic looks. “look y/n, this whole thing has been a shock to him and he’s just trying to reconnect with her. but trust me on this, he loves you all the same,” derek reasoned.

you really didn’t know how to describe how you felt. the only emotion you could feel was betrayal. your dad had been gone recently, not to work late but to go reunite with his secret daughter he couldn’t even tell you about.

“i’m going to head home. dad isn’t here anyway so i don’t want to bother you,” you mumbled, getting off of the table. j.j. and derek looked at each other once more. they knew it must have been like a bomb of information being dropped on you. “i’ll lead you out,” j.j. offered. derek shot you one more smile as you exited the conference room and headed down the catwalk.

you didn’t get to confront your dad for two or so days. in that time, you did everything you could to attempt to distance yourself in such a short period of time. you didn’t go to the bureau after school but instead headed home to do homework. dinner was easily avoided as you had lied and said you had studying or didn’t feel great.

except, tonight you were set to watch henry while j.j. and will went out for a friday night dinner. you could avoid your dad as he was cooking on the stove and you needed to go through the kitchen to leave the house. sure, you could do continue pushing the confrontation off but if you did it tonight, you could leave and further distance yourself. after choosing the later option, you grabbed your bag and headed downstairs. once in the kitchen, you drummed your fingers against your thigh, waiting for the right moment to say something.

“why didn’t you tell me about joy?”

the question made rossi stop cooking for a split second before turning to face you. “what?” your dad asked. you knew he had heard exactly what you said.

“i went to the bau a couple days ago and you weren’t there. so i talked to morgan and j.j. and they told me you were out with someone named joy. well of course i asked who joy was and,” you trailed off at the end.

“look y/n,” rossi started. you cut him off, “all you had to do was sit down with me and explained the situation. but instead, i had to find out from one of your work friends that i have a sister. how do you think i feel?”

“figlia i’m sorry. i wanted to get to know joy before actually introduced you,” rossi attempted to reason.

“whatever, i have to go to j.j.’s anyway. her and will asked me to babysit henry tonight,” you sighed.

“you didn’t tell me that,” rossi commented.

“man i wonder what that’s like rossi?” you fired back. after picking up your bag once again, you left the house without another word.

that was the exact moment rossi realized he had really screwed up. you only ever called him ‘rossi’ when you were extremely mad. it only happened once before, when he had gotten hurt in a case and you had scolded him in the hospital.

j.j. knew you were upset the second she answered the door, still clipping a necklace around her neck. “hey j,” you spoke quietly, shuffling slightly out of pure nervousness. “i talked to my dad. well i mean define talked.”

that was explanation enough for j.j. as she pulled you into a gentle hug. “i’ll have plenty of time to dwell on it while me and henry hang out. you two go have fun,” you smiled, motioning to will who was just coming down the stairs. j.j. moved around the house, grabbing the last couple things she needed. “alright we’re heading out. you know where everything is and i’ll text you on my way home,” j.j. informed you. with one final goodbye, the two parents left the house.

after cooking dinner and playing with henry for a little, it was time to put the young boy to bed. he had been pretty resistant as always but after you promised to read a bedtime story, he was happy to go to bed. you read him one of his favorites. by the end of the book, henry was already closing his eyes. you smiled down at him before shutting off the lights and heading downstairs.

while henry was asleep upstairs, you turned on the tv to a random movie while you curled up on the couch. this was common for you, j.j. had been pretty direct with letting you know that you could watch whatever while you were over. as the movie played on, your mind began to drift into the current situation you were stuck in.

part of you understood your dad reasoning. while your understanding was pretty small, you still sort of got it. if joy was absent from his life for so long, he had the right to reunite with her and make up for the years lost. but was he replacing you? it sure felt like that.

but the other part of you was angry. you grew up having the bau team as your extended family and pretty much siblings. now, you had a sister. sure the whole relation was a bit twisted but joy was still your sister. you had every right to be owed at least an explanation on the whole thing. you didn’t even have to meet joy. correction, you didn’t even know if you wanted to meet joy.

it was incredibly dumb to be crying over but you couldn’t help the few tears that fell down your cheeks. you and your dad never fought. this whole thing was becoming increasingly stressful and not being able to talk to your dad was making it worse.

j.j. and will were back by the time you had managed to calm down. the profiler saw right through your facade of ‘i’m fine’ when she asked how you were. nonetheless, you had brushed off their offer of payment and headed home. watching henry was no issue and you were always willing to help.

by the time you arrived home, all the lights were off meaning rossi was most likely asleep. you wquickly got ready for bed, slipping under the covers after that and relaxing in for the night.

you ended up making the ultimate decision to just push all the emotions you were feeling in the back of the head. if rossi was genuinely more happy, then you needed to be a supportive daughter. it was the least you could do.

for the next week, you put on smile around your father. when school didn’t keep you busy, you always ate dinners with rossi or sat with him while he did paperwork. joy was rarely mentioned, and you were slightly thankful for that.

“dad! i’m home!” you called once you entered the house, slipping off your shoes first. “i can’t stay for super long. j.j. needs me to babysit again in i think about hour.”

your earbuds were still playing your favorite song as you shuffled through the house, swapping out your school bag for a backpack you took whenever you either went somewhere or babysat. before leaving, you figured you might as well get something to eat.

when you entered the kitchen, you stopped dead in your tracks. standing by the coffee machine was a brunette woman, dressed in a simple outfit of jeans and a sweater. she must have noticed your presence and turned around to face you, a slight smile forming on her face.

after taking your earbuds out of your ear and tossing your phone on the counter, you swallowed nervously. who was this woman? you knew rossi would never let anybody in the house and she didn’t exactly look threatening.

“ah, welcome home figlia. school okay?” your dad asked, suddenly appearing in the kitchen. you nodded as a response, keeping your eyes focused on the still mystery woman. “well y/n, i figured it was finally time for you to meet joy.”

your eyes widened slightly. standing right in front of you was the woman who had been on your mind for over a week. the woman who was your sister. and here you were, standing directly across from one another, neither moving to initiate a conversation.

“y/n this is joy. joy this is y/n,” rossi introduced, motioning back and forth. “well i need to head back to work. hotch had a case file he needed me to look at.” you absolutely couldn’t believe what your dad was saying. he was just going to leave you? not even bother to stick around to see how this would play out?

when rossi finally left, the door closing with a thud, joy finally turned to make eye contact with you. “so you must be my sister,” she started. “i could say the same for you,” you replied. a tense laugh was shared between you two.

“can i hug you?”

the question itself took you slightly off guard. “we just met and you already want to hug me?” you asked though your tone was extremely light-hearted. “i mean yeah, if it’s okay with you. i’ve missed out on way to many years with both you and dad. i just figured a hug could be the perfect start to our new sibling bond.”

with a smile on your face, you stepped forward hugging joy tightly. the whole thing just felt natural, like a hug you would receive from a sibling after something good happened in your life.

when rossi returned a little bit later, just like you, he stopped once he entered the kitchen. joy was cooking over the stove, most likely a lunch for the two of you as you talked on and on from the counter. the senior profiler just smiled at the interaction.

he finally had his pride and joy together at last.

[user-2-electric-boogaloo]

A Comparison of RTD and Steven Moffat: Saving The Day

So for this analysis I’m going to compare when Moffat and RTD save the day well and when they save it poorly. There are a few bits of criteria I need to explain.

 First I will only be including main series, no Torchwood, no spin-offs, and no mini episodes.

Second, I have to define what makes a good and a bad ending (my examples will come from episodes written by neither of them): 

Bad endings include when the sonic saves the day (see The Power Of Three) (there are exceptions, see below), when a character spouts some useless technobabble that doesn’t make any scientific sense/when it doesn’t make logical sense in general, when the Doctor invents/presents a machine/equipment that miraculously stops the baddy and is never referred to again (see Journey To The Centre Of The TARDIS), and any other ending I deem to be bad (see The Vampires of Venice)

Good endings include when the sonice activates a device that has been well established to save the day, when technobabble is used that actually makes some scientific sense, and just generally when the baddy is destroyed in what I deem to be a creative manner that makes sense with all the things that had been set up in that episode (see The Unquiet Dead).

There will also be cases where there isn’t really a day to be saved, however this happens more often with Moffat.

Let us begin (obviously there will be spoilers but the last episode in the list aired nearly 4 years ago so what you doing with your life).

RTD:

Rose: Bad

What even is anti-plastic?! Like seriously, he’s faced the Autons loads of times and has never thought to use it any other time.

The End Of The World: Bad

The Doctor just goes up to the appearance of the repeated meme (ha meme) and rips its arm off. He then just summons Cassandra back by twisting a knob which apparently everyone can do if “you’re very clever like me”.

Aliens Of London/World War Three: Good

Just nuking them all was a bit dodgy but I’ll give it to him purely because it had been set up earlier in the episode and it is a genuine option that could have been taken.

The Long Game: Good

The heating issue was set up within 2 minutes of the episode starting. It’s always good to see the Doctor using his enemies weakness against them.

Boom Town: Good

Only just. It’s technology that hadn’t been showcased ever before and came out of nowhere, but I’m allowing purely because it was setting up The Parting Of The Ways.

Bad Wolf/The Parting Of The Ways: Good

See above. It was set up the story before so it works.

The Christmas Invasion: Bad

This was so close to being good. If RTD had just let the Sycorax leader be honourable then everything would have been fine. Instead he had to let him be dishonourable and then the Doctor through the Satsuma at a random button that for no apparent reason caused a bit of floor to fall away.

New Earth: Bad

It only makes sense if you think about it for less than 10 seconds as just pouring every cure to every disease ever into a giant tub and then spraying said supercure onto them all, then having them hug each other to pass it on. That is suspending my disbelief just a bit too far.

Tooth And Claw: Good

Everything is set up in the episode so I’ll allow it but I fail to see how Prince Albert had the time to ensure that the diamond was cut perfectly.

Love And Monsters: Bad

It’s Love And Monsters. Need I say more?

Army of Ghosts/Doomsday: Good

It was very clearly set up throughout the episode.

The Runaway Bride: Bad

I don’t like how a few bombs can supposedly drain the entire Thames.

Smith And Jones: Good

All the events were well established

Gridlock: Good

It’s a fairly bland way to save the day, just opening the surface to all the drivers. But how else could he have done it?

Utopia/The Sound Of Drums/Last Of The Time Lords: Bad

As much as I like the idea that he tuned himself into the archangel network, he basically turned into Jesus. It is arguably the least convincing ending in modern Doctor Who history.

Voyage Of The Damned: Bad

Why was he the next highest authority? If he’s the highest authority in the universe why didn’t they default to him in the first place? If not then why not default to Midshipman Frame? And if he’s somehow in between them then why? Also Astrid killed herself for no reason when she easily could have jumped out of the forklift.

Partners In Crime: Good

It works in the context of the episode, but I don’t see why they needed two of the necklace things.

Midnight: Good

It’s human nature, you can’t get more well set up than that.

Turn Left: Good

It works logically

The Stolen Earth/Journey’s End: Bad

Donna just spouts a load of technobabble whilst pressing buttons and then the Daleks are magically incapacitated.

The Next Doctor: Bad

Why do the infostamps sever Hartigan’s connection with the Cyberking? As far as I remember it ain’t explained.

Planet Of The Dead (co-written with noted transphobe Gareth Roberts): Good

A good couple scenes are dedicated on getting the anti-gravs set up.

The Waters Of Mars (co-written with Phil Ford): N/A

The day isn’t really saved cause everyone still dies anyway.

The End Of Time: Good

Using a gun to destroy a machine is much better than using the sonic to destroy it.

Summary for RTD:

Out of 24 stories written by him, I deem 10 to be bad endings with 1 abstaining. That’s 41.7% of his episodes (43.5% if we don’t count any abstaining).

Steven Moffat:

The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances: Good

You’ll see this a lot with Moffat, he knows how to explain things without stupefying levels of technobabble. “Emailing the upgrade” is a perfect example of this.

The Girl In The Fireplace: Good

Some basic logic, the androids want to repair their ship, but they can’t return to it, they no longer have a function so they shut down.

Blink: Good

Always loved this one, getting the angels to look at each other, however they do look at each other sometimes earlier in the episode.

Silence In The Library/Forest Of The Dead: Bad

This is more of a problem with the setup of the episode, I don’t like that he can negotiate with the Vashta Nerada. I’d rather see them comprehensively beaten, but I guess it’s good for the scare factor that they can’t be escaped from.

The Eleventh Hour: Good

He convinced the best scientists all around the world to set every clock to 0 all in less than an hour. In the Doctor’s own words “Who da man!”

The Beast Below: Good

The crying child motif pretty much ended up saving the day (well for the star whale, life went on as normal for pretty much everyone else).

The Time Of Angels/Flesh And Stone: Good

The artificial gravity had briefly been set up earlier so I’ll allow it.

The Pandorica Opens/The Big Bang: Good

Everything had been set up perfectly, the vortex manipulator, the Pandorica’s survival field thingy, the TARDIS exploding at every moment in history.

A Christmas Carol: Good

Literally the entire episode is the Doctor saving the day by convincing Kazran not to be a cock.

The Impossible Astronaut/Day Of The Moon: Good

The silence’s ability to influence people is their whole thing, so using it against them is a good Doctory thing to do.

A Good Man Goes To War: N/A

The day isn’t really saved, Melody is lost, but River shows up at the end so is all fine? I love the episode it’s just the day isn’t really truly saved (yes I know Amy was rescued but she still lost her baby).

Let’s Kill Hitler: N/A

There isn’t really a day to be saved. They all get out alive but no one is really saved other than maybe River but we all knew she was gonna live anyway.

The Wedding Of River Song: Good

Whilst opinion is divided on the episode, the ending still works. the Tesseracta was established in Let’s Kill Hitler, and the “touch River and time will move again” was established well in advance.

The Doctor, The Widow And The Wardrobe: Bad

I don’t like how the lifeboat travels through the time vortex for no reason but to rescue the dad. It don’t make no sense and I don’t think it’s explained

Asylum Of The Daleks: Good

Oswin had access to the Dalek hive mind so of course she should be able to link into the controls and blow everything up.

The Angels Take Manhattan: Good

Paradoxes really do be something powerful, and they even acknowledge how nobody knows if it’d work so I’ll let it slide.

The Snowmen: Bad

Lots of people cry at Christmas, why are the Latimers anything special?

The Bells of Saint John: Good

The whole episode is about hacking so why shouldn’t the Doctor be able to hack the spoonheads

The Name Of The Doctor: Good

It was the story arc for the season pretty much, so of course it was explained well in advance.

The Day Of The Doctor: Good

Both the storing Gallifrey like a painting and the making everyone forget if they’re Human or Zygon works in the context of the episode.

The Time Of The Doctor: Bad

Since when were the Time Lords so easily negotiated with?

Deep Breath: Good

I like the dilemma over whether the half-face man was pushed or jumped.

Into The Dalek: Good

It’s set up well with this new Doctor’s persona of actually not being too nice of a guy (at first).

Listen: N/A

There isn’t a day to be saved. It’s just 45 minutes of the Doctor testing a hypothesis and I low-key love it.

Time Heist (co-written with Steven Thompson): Good

It works logically so I’ll allow it however it isn’t very well set up at all.

The Caretaker (co-written with noted shithead Gareth Roberts): Good

The machine to tell the Blitzer what to do was set up well in advance so I’ll allow it.

Dark Water/Death In Heaven: Good

The fact that Danny still cares even as a cyberman is set up fairly early on after his transformation.

Last Christmas: Good

He does use the sonic to wake up Clara but he convinces the others to wake up through talking so I’ll allow it.

The Magician’s Apprentice/The Witch’s Familiar: Good

It’s set up well with that little scene from actually inside the sewers.

The Girl Who Died (co-written with Jamie Mathieson): Good

IDK why the vikings would randomly keep electric eels but they’re set up well so I’ll ignore it. 

The Zygon Inversion (co-written with Peter Harness): N/A 

Not including this one as it’s only the second part and I’d argue the ending is most likely Harness’.

Heaven Sent/Hell Bent: N/A

Again there isn’t really a day to be saved, yes Heaven Sent really is amazing but it’s only the first part and, being completely honest, he dies several billion times before finally getting through the wall.

The Husbands Of River Song: N/A

Again there isn’t really a day to be saved here.

The Return Of Doctor Mysterio: Good

He gets Grant to catch the bomb which is good. But he does just sonic the gun out of Dr Sim’s hand and says UNIT is on its way which just sort of wraps it up very quickly.

The Pilot: N/A

No day to be saved here.

Extremis: Good

You could technically call it the sonic saving the day, I consider it to be the Doctor emailing the Doctor to warn him of the future.

The Pyramid At The End Of The World: Good

The fire sanitising everything makes sense and it’s in character for Bill to love the Doctor enough to cure his blindness in return for the world

World Enough And Time/The Doctor Falls: Good

Yes it is the sonic just blowing the cybermen up, but it’s blowing them up with well established pipelines so I’ll allow it (also the story is amazing).

Twice Upon A Time: N/A

No day to be saved here. Just Doctors 1 and 12 getting angsty about regenerating.

Summary for Steven Moffat:

Out of 39 stories written by him, I deemed 4 to be bad with 7 abstaining. That’s 10.3% of his episodes (12.5% if we don’t count any abstaining).

Conclusions:

Moffat was much better at saving the day than RTD

Moffat liked telling stories where the day didn’t actually need to be saved

I’ve spent way too long on this and I need to sleep

If I spent as much time on this as my coursework I’d probably pass

If you’re still reading this, you probably need to get a life

[springday-aus]

SVT’s Jeonghan: Love, War and Everything Between || prologue

—

Fic Piece Written by: Admin Grandma of @springday-aus​

Moodboard Link: Created by Admin Grandpa

Character Pairing Y/N [fem. reader] and Seventeen’s Yoon Jeonghan

Other Characters: Nu’est’s Baekho [known as Dongho], Seventeen [Seungcheol and Jisoo, along with idiot squad!Soonyoung, Seokmin, and Seungkwan], and more to be added along the way! 

Genre: historical, romance, drama, royal!au, arranged marriage!au + gender role reversal

None of this historically accurate. It is purely fiction!

Type: series 

part 01 || part 02 || part 03 → to be available! check the progress on our upcoming page! 

Word Count: approx. 1.4k 

Plot Summary: Korea’s most distinguished military general arrives home, carrying back glory and honor from the war. However, the general has been revealed to be a woman! Due to the prominent military accomplishments you have made as the highest ranking general, by orders of the Empress, you are arranged to be married to the second-eldest prince, Yoon Jeonghan. Only one problem lies between you two: your reputation as a ruthless killing machine, which scares the living daylights out of your new husband. 

→ Inspired by: the Chinese drama called Oh My General (also known as General Above I Am Below) 

Warnings: graphic violence, glorified war, murder, sexual harassment, sex discrimination (mainly against women), poly-relationships (i.e. concubines), political corruption, and homosexual tendencies

Chaos.

War. 

The two are practically one in the same—at least, in the context of a battlefield. 

The wind continues to blow softly, tracing along the blades of the grass and lightly brushing the dust off from the dry patches on the land. In the sky, Korea’s flag flutters, with its colors reflecting onto the ground from the skylight, and the stand is firmly grasped in Dongho’s hands. 

The sun radiates throughout the field, shining against the bright blue armor of your soldiers and the highlands that stretch out. The hills go on for miles—not even you could detect another city in sight, meaning civilians are safe from harm. 

It’s a clear field, you note. Open land is best for battles—it means there is a lesser chance of traps from those who have higher ground and even less of an opportunity for sneak attacks. 

Despite this fact, you remain on guard. There is no telling as to what can happen because, one wrong move and everything, and anything, can easily fall apart. 

The silence is deafening as you and your army await for the enemy. 

A familiar shout is heard from across the field. The ground trembles as their cavalry arrives, but you and your men stand your ground. Many soldiers in armor, embellished with bright red and yellow silks, start to fill the landscape. They halt within three miles away and part for the man himself, General Yang. 

He sits on his horse, looking with nothing short of arrogance with a smug smirk tugged on his lips. With a draw of his sword, he lets out a roar with his men. You, on the other hand, are unable to hide your irritation at their behavior. 

“General!” he shouts. The opposition quieted down. He continues. “It’s an honor to meet you on the battlefield once more! However, it is a shame that nothing can save you now!” 

“General Yang!” you greet. “Let’s skip the pleasantries! Only one will survive and it will not be you!” Without looking back at your soldiers, you give your command. “Anyone who retreats will be beheaded on the spot!” 

“Yes, General!” 

The archers stretch their bows; the foot soldiers aim the cannons and Dongho passes your ax. The drummers pound the drums. 

“CHARGE!” 

Everything blurs as your foot soldiers charge themselves forward, swiftly moving past you with their swords drawn. The hooves pound against the ground and battle cries are heard from all directions. Metal clashes with metal; screams of pain and agony are ring throughout. They eventually stop—their bodies falling still, with gaping stab wounds that are beyond repair. 

Despite being surrounded by the chaos, you can only focus on General Yang himself—who is growing angrier as his men begin to fall, one by one. Without hesitation, he charges towards you. With a kick of your heel, your horse starts up and accelerates its speed—its rein on one hand and your ax firmly grasped in the other. The wind blows against your face, dancing along with the fabric that peaks shyly from underneath your armor. You easily slaughter those in enemy colors who block your pathway, leaving countless men dead at the mercy of your feet. 

The two of you meet towards the center, circling around as the bloodbath occurs in the background. Yang’s head is held high and his hand has a strong grip on his sword, which is drawn towards you. 

“General (Y/L/N),” he says with baring teeth. “Today is the day you will die.” 

You smirk at his brash statement. “How foolish of you to assume a devil can die.” 

His snarl only grows before swiftly swinging his sword towards your direction. You easily dodge his swing, leaning your back onto the horse and letting the wind blow past. He manages to thrust the sword again, only for it to be collided with your ax. He tries to aim towards your hands, in a pathetic attempt to push the weapon out of your hand, but fails to do so. Repeatedly. 

Your ax scrapes against his sword, blocking every hit he directs towards you. Having known him for the past six months—at least, in battle—you know his techniques. He’s such a caveman, so impulsive; ah, men... they really are too simple of creatures. 

Your smirk grows at his miserable attempt to dominate over you. With one twist of your wrist and a shove from your shoulder, his sword rolls out of his grasp and falls onto the ground. In one swift motion, you point your ax directly to his chest and pull out the sword from the side, pressing it against his jawline—giving it a small nick, just because you can. 

“You can surrender and survive,” you say. “Or you can continue this ridiculous war and lose your life.” 

His jaw clenches, trying to keep his breath calm. “Never. I refuse to be with the losing side.”

“Oh, Yang,” you say. “Dying as you lived: prideful.” 

“Men have pride and honor.” 

“And the same pride and honor shall be the cause of your downfall.” 

With those words, you pierce your ax into his chest and watch as he stills. Within a second of your attack, you rip the weapon out of his chest and slice his neck for reassurance. He falls off his horse and hits the ground with a grunt, spitting out the blood that blocks his airways. He struggles to keep his breath steadily; eventually, he falls once more and his entire body stills. 

His second-in-command, who spots his general on the ground, immediately provides orders. 

“RETREAT! THE GENERAL IS DOWN!” He pulls on his horse, turning himself and the other soldiers, the ones who are still alive, back to their home base. “RETREAT!” 

You sit perfectly still on your horse, watching the enemy all flee like the cowards they are. No one attempts to even look at you—nevertheless, aim towards you. Dongho returns to your side and, without a word, takes the bloody sword out of your hand. 

As they continue to flee, you hear the familiar drum beat echo throughout the field—slowly getting louder and louder as the field empties. You raise your battle ax and your men cheer in the sweet, sweet victory. 

With one hand up, they are silenced. 

“Do not forget the fellow soldiers who have fallen. We shall honor their memory with this victory. But, with this, we must remember: the battle may be over, but the war has not been won.”

“Yes, General!”

You turn to Dongho. “Let’s head back to celebrate.” 

He smiles in response. “Let’s go home.” 

The news of General (Y/L/N)’s success travels quickly, getting to the city’s capital as soon as possible, while the military were on their way back. The messenger races against time, swiftly moving across the country, galloping on his horse to get the message to the King. 

On the other hand, in the heart of the city’s capitol, the King sits on his throne, which is located above the officials. His mother, the Empress, sits behind him—practically hiding behind a curtain of gold that cuts her off from the others in the gathering room. While she may have more experience and wisdom, she is still just a woman. 

They were currently trying to figure out how to solve the natural disaster issues that had struck earlier this week. The flood had struck all at once a couple of days ago and the King found himself in a disadvantageous position, primarily with the citizens of Seoul who were demanding answers. The officials weren’t of any help either; each of them were simply trying to benefit themselves. 

The King rubs his temple as the officials endlessly argue over who should be taxed and where the money should be going: the villagers or the palace? 

With all this noise, he cannot think. 

Almost as if it was an answered prayer, the messenger arrives on his horse at the door. As he steps off and heads into the room, practically running down the aisle. The officials’ chatter dies down. 

The messenger bows, holding out the news in his hands. “Greetings to your majesty.” 

“Accepted, proceed.” 

He straightens up, opening the scroll to present to the King, along with the officials. “I bring news from the battlegrounds. We have won another battle and General Yang has been killed.” 

The crowd of officials murmur amongst themselves, practically in shock from the success. Even the King is pleasantly surprised. While your family has an excellent military lineage, you have certainly outdone yourself. 

“However,” the messenger continues, before anyone can celebrate prematurely. “General (Y/L/N) advises to keep an eye on the Chinese military since about half of Yang’s army have still survived, including his military council. Until then, the general and his army are currently on the road back to the capital.” He bows towards the King once more, before making his exit towards his horse to alert the others at their original home base. 

Once the messenger clears, a high-ranking official, Official Kwon, steps out from the left. “Your majesty.” 

“Accepted, proceed.” 

“Because you have promoted General (Y/L/N) to his position, we have successfully taken back control of our borders. What would you like for us to focus on next?” 

His majesty lets out a small sigh, slightly tilting his back further into the seat as he ponders. “We need to strategize ourselves politically,” he says. “Surely, King Wu will want to arrange a meeting soon. The question I pose is about how we shall approach it.” 

A mid-ranking official, Official Chun, steps out from the right, keeping distance from Official Kwon. “Your majesty.” 

“Accepted, proceed.” 

“I suggest we wait for the invitation,” he says. “If he suggests a meeting, I recommend that we have the meeting at our palace and prepare the soldiers for a possible attack.” 

Another high-ranking official, Official Song, steps out from the left. “Your majesty.” 

“Accepted, proceed.” 

“Official Chun is correct because we should prepare for a counter-attack. However, he is also wrong because we might focus too much on our capital and that could lead to the endangerment of the border.” 

Chun, in silent response, gives Song a side-look that is nothing short of annoyance. 

The King nods silently, awaiting for any other ideas the officials might want to contribute to the conversation. The officials’ heads remain bowed down, anticipating for the King’s response. 

“Song is correct,” he says. “We must prepare ourselves for any possible attack.” He pauses. “However, we should wait for General (Y/L/N) and Military Counselor Kang to arrive, before we officially decide.” 

“Your majesty,” Official Kwon says. 

“Accepted, proceed.” 

“Since the general and counselor are returning after three years, shall we prepare a parade in their honor?” 

“Yes, we shall,” the King says. “After all, these two have sacrificed themselves for our country. A parade is the least we can do.” He lets out a sigh; the others are unsure if it’s one of relief or apprehension. “Because, without those two men, I am afraid of what the consequences may be.” 

A/N: As always, thank you for reading the prologue! If you want to know about updates, please check the upcoming page! 

[vegetacide]

Deprived

Part 1 | Part 2 |  Part 3

Veg-notable:  And that’s all of it.  Just a little scene I had prancing about in my head and I figured I would share...

Series: Part of my on going Coffee series on A03 which can be found HERE

Characters: Scott Tracy, Virgil Tracy,  Kayo Kyrano and of course  V/K ‘cause let's face it.. I wrote this so who else would it be

Location: Tracy Island

TaG-verse AU

E N J O Y

8-8-8

The Walking Dead was putting it aptly when Scott finally put eyes on his Second.  

He found his brother leaning heavily on his arms and morosely staring at a fresh pot of Sumatra’s best percolated in the coffee machine.  His fingers drumming out a rhythm on the counter of the frustratingly impatient.

When he heard Scott approaching the hairy eye-ball that came his way was sure fire sign that Virgil’s ursine persona was well and truly in the house and not to be messed with.  

Claws out,  teeth bared.  Scott knew this creature well and after all these years, it didn’t frighten him in the least.   His other brothers may take issue with facing this side of Virgil, as rare as it was to be seen but Scott knew his brother well and by his rough appearance he knew Virgil wouldn’t have the energy to keep up the growling for long.  

Scott simply grabbed a mug for himself, set it beside his brother’s bucket on the counter and settled down on a stool.   

Poking the bear was a guaranteed way to get bit so waiting him out was the best approach. 

In the meantime,  Scott crossed his arms over his chest, settled back and watched his brother snarly at the speed of the coffee maker.   

Virgil looked like shit and that was putting it mildly.  

He was in his comfy clothes. A pair of soft cotton, track pants that sat loosely and a bit too low around his waist. Too tired it seemed to do up the ties or hike them up higher.  It was paired with a rumbled A-shirt that had seen better days and his feet were bare. 

A riotous mess of black, bedraggled hair haloed his head at all different angles and his jaw-line was shadowed by several days worth of growth.  Top that all off with the dark bruises of exhaustion hanging under his eyes and he painted the picture of someone desperately in need of sleep for a solid eight to ten.

He wouldn’t say it though.  He was not putting himself in the line for fire for that.  Scott would sit here and wait until the coffee was done and his brother had inhaled a gallon of it.  Or his Grandmother got sight of him. Whichever came first.   

“Scott, stop assessing me.”   Came the rough, sleep deprived baritone of his sibling. “I can feel your eyes on me and I know what you’re doing.”

Scott chuckled and clasping his hands, rested his elbows on the counter. “I didn’t say anything.”

Dark eyes turned back and glared at him over a well defined shoulder. “You didn’t have to.” 

“If that’s the case, you should know that I think that coffee is the last thing you need right now.”

Virgil snorted and turned back the coffee pot. “Well, I didn’t ask.”

“Obviously…” Scott replied, rolling his eyes.   Oh ya,  his brother was in a mood that was for sure.  

Virgil made no other comment and Scott sighed, planning his next move.  

Before he could formulate a plan though,  Kayo floated down the stairs and ghosted across the kitchen on silent feet.  She smiled at Scott and gave a little head bob of greeting before gliding over to Virgil. 

“Hey, Big Guy.”  She said,  placing a hand on Virgil’s forearm and pushing up on her toes to brush his cheek with a kiss. Her gaze shifted to Scott for a moment and Scott blinked at the wink she sent his way.  “Staring at the coffee machine isn’t going to make it brew any faster.”  

Looks like Gordon had gotten Kayo after all. He wasn’t sure if he was pleased with that or not but in the end if it worked, beggars really couldn’t be choosers.  

Watching the couple interact though was something that blew Scott away every time he saw it.   For the most part the couple kept their intimacy to themselves.   Privacy had always been a big deal with Virgil and he wasn’t one to showcase his inner workings despite his artistic nature.  

He created because that’s what he did.  Music, art,  machinery.  Those were how he expressed himself.  The calm exterior, a shield and his craft a venting mechanism.  So to see the obvious affection between him and Kayo now spoke volumes to how tired his brother actually was.

Feeling like a voyeur, Scott looked out over the patio expanse and took in the world at large as the soft low drown of Virgil’s voice replied to Kayo’s whispered words.   

Scott wasn’t one to eavesdrop though even if he wanted to in this instance all he got was the tones and not the words. Whatever was said for some reason had heat rising in his cheeks.  Unsure if he should stick around and make a hasty exit he braced to get up. Kayo was more the capable of dealing with this and a good commander knew when to delegate. 

Spying the exit he flinched when a  full cup of coffee was placed in front of him, waylaying his escape. Kayo arched a knowing brow at him as he looked from the cup to her and back again before turning back to V.  

“You need sleep,  go back to bed before you give Gordon and Alan a complex.  Those two are as jumpy as cats right now.   I closed a door and Gordon was looking for the exits and Alan said he had homework to take care of.”

Scott took a sip of his coffee, savoring the bitter warmth on his tongue and chuckled.  Hard for Alan to have homework when he’d graduated.   

“Don’t roll your eyes at me. The coffee starved Bear and those brows have no effect on me so save yourself the energy and go back upstairs.”

“I gotta help…” 

Here Scott jumped in, taking the opportunity now that Kayo had pried the door open. A united front always got things done quicker. “Brains is running diagnostics now. It will take a few hours for him to run through it all and he can more than handle it himself.”  

“But…” 

“No buts, Virg. You’re turf side and racked until he’s done and that’s final. Dad would have my hide if he found out you were up and about already.  And don’t even get me started on Grandma..” 

“Sleep. Now.”   Kayo commanded, her hand sliding up to cup the back of her lover’s head and tug at his mussed hair in mock frustration.  “I have to put in a call to one of our Hong Kong agents. When I get back if I find out you’ve snuck off to pester Brains or you’re ass deep in Two exhaust systems I will lay you out on the floor, hog tie you and take pictures for Gordon’s personal use.” 

That had the protest dying instantly on Virgil’s face and his mouth snapped shut.  Kayo had the means to back her threat up and she had on more than one occasion followed through with various other members of the family so the danger was very real.  

“Yes, Ma’me.” Was the only appropriate response.  

Kayo grinned sweetly, “Good Boy.”  And patted Virgil’s check before stealing his bucket of coffee and gliding for the room.  

Scott snorted into his cup.  “She’s scary.”  

“You have no idea.”  Sighed Virgil looking forlornly at the now quiet percolator.  

“Have a nice nap.”  

Virgil flipped him off as he headed for the stairs.

8-8-8

The End

[werezmastarbucks]

guest

the reader opens up to her boyfriend about the demonic intruder haunting her at nights

tyler joseph x reader x kai parker

genre: horror

warnings: stalking

word count: 2950

music: ode to sleep by twenty one pilots, o come o come by tyler joseph

At night you put the drawer to the door and put your lava lamp on top. You fell asleep every time looking at the changing neon soft lights, to get woken up at three exactly, to the sound of his fists drumming on the door. Every night.

He’d come from the corridor, a tall shadow, as you once saw him, not in a hurry at all. He knew you wouldn’t run anywhere, not even through the window, because you were always afraid of getting too far out of it.

He’d walk down the corridor and to the door, and try to open it. Once he succeeded, and was inside your room, and you woke up, to see the silhouette standing above you. In the dark of night, he looked completely black. His eyes were vaguely glowing, and you were completely cemented in your place. People are generally divided into two groups when scared: those who scream, and those who freeze. There’s a legend that there’s also a thin layer in between, a group of people who fight, but you’ve never met one. The closest to that was your boyfriend.

You never told Tyler about the ghost hunting your house. You were scared to seem nuts; you had no proof and hasn’t caught it once, largely because the ghost was trying to catch you.

At school, you weren’t really the people’s favorite, so you just got through moderately peacefully by sticking with your best friend and your boyfriend.

What would you say anyway? Hey, Tyler. There’s this dude, he started manifesting himself at my house at nights. He’s invisible to everybody except me, and he always appears in the middle of the corridor, and walks to my room, and I don’t know what he wants to do with me, but he scares the shit out of me.

You were afraid he’d think you got some issues, and find someone better.

There wasn’t much you could do except put the drawer close to the door, and make it heavy, piling all your tings on top, and turn on the lava lamp to see when he comes.

Sometimes you thought it was all your imagination. You’ve heard that urban legend about a girl who thought her house was haunted. The things disappeared, and she heard voces constantly bothering her day and night. She saw shadow people lurking outside, trying to break inside the house, and one of them actually smothered her dog; when she realized she’s the only one seeing all of them, she took it upon herself to protect her family. That girl had a little sister, too, and didn’t want any harm to come upon her. Maybe she was a witch, or just had this thing that some people have. The kind of sensitivity for supernatural things. She was the only one who could defend her loved ones.

She got armed with a kitchen knife and attacked them the next time they tried to get inside. Strike, before they make a move. The girl allegedly spent a tough long afternoon chasing ghosts around her front yard, and killed all of them. To then discover they were, in fact, her family, and she’s been hallucinating the whole time.

That’s the kind of stories that were floating around in the town. No one would really believe you if you told what’s happening. Although your case was slightly different from that poor girl’s. The black shadow guy coming for you almost every night seemed to only have interest in you. It was like he was uncertain yet; that one time he actually got inside the room, he vanished, as you lay there, paralyzed by fear. You never managed to get rid of the sight of him, disproportionally tall, completely silent, watching you in bed. He seemed like he was about to bow, but you opening your eyes made him change his mind.

Other nights he was more persistent and you bet he regretted not having acted while he had a chance.

Usually he wouldn’t get past the door barricaded by the drawer.

You’d look at the lava lamp sending her orange, red, green and infernal blue light across the room, like it was a safe beacon of protective fire; as if it could actually stop him. While he hammered his fists on the door, pulling and twisting the handle, you held the blanket with your numb fingers. You were never religious so you never prayed. You had a strong feeling he wasn’t afraid of Jesus.

The worst thing was seeing the drawer move and wiggle when he pushed the door with his shoulder. Once, the lava lamp nearly tipped over, and you moaned with fear. Nobody heard anything in the morning, and that one time you screamed, unable to hold it inside anymore, you got in a big row with your parents.

Tyler took your fist and tried to undo it, to interlace his fingers with yours.

It was that hour after school when you’re not ready to go home yet, and the street seems gray even in the middle of the afternoon, and everybody looks like zombies.

Maybe I am going crazy after all. Thinking about stuff like that, and listening to depressing music, all those things at school weighing on you, made you feel like you were tied to the house, because the demon boy was there. You were afraid he’d do something to your family, too.

“You don’t seem like yourself these days”, Tyler complained, but his voice sounded pondering, as usual. He was a philosopher, this guy, always analyzing stuff and the words people say, reading into them.

“I don’t sleep well”, you said, putting your head on his shoulder. His soft black hoodie was warm even on the outside. His baggy clothes, his hands, like the lava lamp, seemed such a safe territory. You were scared he’d take it all away if you told him.

“Why?”

You knew Tyler had insomnia, too. He was suffering from regular headaches, turning into prolonged migraine, that started on the top of his head and cralwed down to the very base of his neck. You suspected he had some kind of injury he never spoke about. He did double work; taking care of you and fighting his own pain all the time. You knew it hurts even during the day. You read him when he suddenly put his head into his hands or stopped talking in the middle of the sentence. His silence was soft and dignified. He carried it well. You wished you could help him somehow. Sometimes he’d look so sad, such deep regret in his eyes, that you’d think it was something more serious that he let out.

Now you just needed him.

“I don’t know”, you shrugged.

“Huh. Doesn’t seem true”.

You hid a little guilty smile in the fold of his hoodie sleeve. Your arms vined around his shoulder, and you two watched the playground for some time, silently.

“Is something happening, Y/N?” he asked.

You felt bad.

“I don’t know”, you muttered again, like a dummy. “I’m sorry”.

You kissed his cheek as he tried to read you with his dark eyes. His ears caught your soft whisper.

I love you.

You heard the footsteps and rolled onto your back. Your elbows started hurting almost instantly as you tried to lift yourself up. Sleeping with the lava lamp on, you ruined your dreams completely, and you were sure the sleep wasn’t as healthy as it was supposed to be. You were dozing instead of sleeping, waking up every five minutes, horrible visions floating around.

You knew what came next. He stopped at the door, and for the hundreth time, you couldn’t believe it’s happening. How, in the rational boring world, do you get to have a night intruder vanishing in thin air, getting out of the darkness of your house like a vampire; why you?

The soft knock on the door didn’t, and wouldn’t wake your parents up. You were glad you didn’t have any pets; you didn’t want to imagine what he’d do to a dog barking at him.

Your heart pounding, you sat yourself, back to the wall, feeling the glossy smooth surface of a poster with your bare shoulder. Your own hand snaked up to your neck, holding the whimper inside the throat.

He knocked again, mockingly polite, as always. He never said a word, like he didn’t have a voice, which was way scarier.

Knock knock knock still sent a very clear mesage: let me in.

You just wished you’d get through your night routine as usual, and he’d leave again. You felt exhausted, old, thinking, you were slowly getting used to being haunted.

Suddenly, a hammering knock shuddered the door, and you jumped. The back of your neck started sweating. The lava lamp changed from orange to purple, the color you hated because it was too dark for the night. The people on your posters, smiling indifferently at you, they had no idea. They wouldn’t help.

Bang bang bang!

His hand was heavy. He was hitting the door like he was a drumming machine, at the fast pace as if trying to drive you crazy. The door stood, loyal and hard, but when he started colliding with it with his shoulder, it shook like carton.

Suddenly, the thing happened that hasn’t occurred before, and you put the hands to your mouth, feeling the blood pump in your ears.

The drawer actually moved.

He is getting stronger.

The lock clicked, and the door opened half an inch. Lava lamp tipped and fell on its side, banging on the wood, and you closed your eyes for a second.

You held your breath. The demon boy stopped. All of a sudden, there was whistling silence, and you heard the night wind outside. The narrow black line between the door and the wall was sucking the light out, the blackest you’ve ever seen, like space vaccum. Magnetizing your gaze.

You couldn’t sleep like that. The crack was big enough for him to watch you.

You crawled out of bed and listened again: nothing. Perhaps he exhausted himself opening the door. It seemed like he only had so much energy for one night.

Your knees were shaking violently as you stepped to the drawer and put the lamp back up. The jelly soft bubbles were drifting inside, like soulless clouds, casting neon colors on your face.

You reached for the door to push it back closed, having no desire to look into the crack... as your fingers touched the wood, a violent push crashed on it, moving the door and the drawer together. You jumped away, unable to hold a yell.

He was getting inside.

You crashed into the opposite wall. The drawer now stood almost sideways, and door was open wide enough for him to slither inside.

“Go away”, you begged.

“But I love you”, a voice said.

Your knees gave in, and you slid down on the floor, grouping so hard you could come off as a big cat. Your arms wrapped around your legs. He sounded hollow, alien, as if he was standing far away, wrapped in a plastic bag. The door moved a little, and he showed his head inside the room. Seeing him, a human looking guy, was so catastrophically sobering that your mind went numb.

He didn’t have horns or black eyes, or sharp teeth of a monster. His face wasn’t distorted or disfigured; he looked like a usual boy. Only, there was this predatory hungry look about him. Sadistic smirk curled his lips when he looked at you sitting on the floor.

“Go away”, you asked again. He cocked his head, mockery in his eyes.

“That’s a pretty lamp”.

He moved so sharply you jumped again, throwing yourself into another corner of the room, like a cat that doesn’t think at all. Your joints were burning, working to escape, but there was nowhere to run.

He held onto the door, and with the other hand, he snatched the lava lamp from the drawer. You didn’t look, pressing your face into the wall, but there was a characterisical click, and the room went dark.

He stole your lava lamp and stole your beacon light.

The walls of his house were stiff and reliable. You liked to be in Tyler’s room because of all the things connected to him. You appreciated his constant musing; some people even said he was a bit slow sometimes. Tyler was a bit sad. But the saddest people are the most precious when you make them smile, and you made Tyler smile a lot.

He was funny when he swung his baseball bat, pretending to be a bad boy, about to smash some heads. He had a quirky sense of humor that always entertained you in a way that stuck with you. He was special, and he was good, and you were completely fine with others not getting him.

You were looking at the baseball bat put against the wall next to the book case.

Tyler came into the room with the towel on his head, rubbing hard his short soft hair, and then threw in right onto the bed. You stood up, sighing, and tried to find a place to hang it.

“You’re messy”, you noted. Tyler puffed, disinterested.

“You okay? You never get up so early on a Saturday”.

“Uh-huh”.

“What did you wanna talk about?”

There was hope in his voice; obviousy. He wasn’t fooled by all the badly masked secrets you kept. Like an owl, he watched you closely, but never intruded, probably, trained well by his folks: he knew how much it sucks when someone is trying to get under your skin. Even his mom thought he was weird, while he was simply sanguine; so she bugged him constantly.

He patted the bed next to him, inviting you. You liked to sit close so that your thighs touched, you connected to him.

“I need to tell you about what’s going on in my house”.

Tyler was quiet.

“There’s someone... uh”.

Anything you’d say, it would come out fucking stupid. Like in a movie.

“There’s this person who comes to my house at nights and tries to get into my room. I’m the only one who can see him. At first I thought I was sick, but last night, Tyler, he took something from my room, and it isn’t there. I think he exists”.

His face hardened. Tyler changed; the expression of his usually kind demeanor was something you’ve never seen before. It was hostile, and for a moment, he felt very distant.

“What does he look like?” he asked, his voice low.

You were taken aback by his question. No ‘are you sure’, no ‘you mean like a ghost?’, no ‘is this a joke?’.

His arm went up your shoulder, and he hugged you, bringing you close as if to keep this conversation quiet and between you. You were getting a strange sensation.

“Y/N, what does he look like?”

“Like a boy. A usual, teenage boy. You believe me?”

“You should see yourself nowadays. You look tired and horrified”.

Tyler never called you ‘honey’, or ‘baby’. His ‘you’s said much more than that. Sometimes they communicated way more tenderness than any nickname.

“You spoke quietly, and then he said he’d stay with you for the night. He got very upset you didn’t tell earlier. His frustration at it seemed very deep; like something made him profoundly uncomfortable. You’ve also never seen peaceful, quiet Tyler so menacing.

He took the baseball bat with him.

“Shithead!”

A sound of broken glass pulled you out of sleep, vivid and simultaneously, ghostly. You couldn’t tell if you dreamt it or not.

The room was dark; without the lamp there was no way of telling who else was in here. You searched for Tyler next to you, and he wasn’t in bed. The sheets were stil warm, and you had a sensation of his skin under your hand.

You sat in your bed, dizzy. As your eyes got used to the dark, you finally realized the drawer is moved away from the door.

There was something happening in the upstairs bathroom.

You jumped off the bed. You couldn’t lose him. Tyler was yours.

You went to the door and opened it wide, stepping into the darkness. Few feet away, the narrow line of light was indicating someone was in the bathroom. Okay, maybe Tyler just knocked something over because he’s sleepy.

“Come here!”

His voice was hissing like a snake. He was whispering, but it sounded like the rain noise. Something bumped against the door, like there was a swift fight.

“Tyler!” you called.

Silence. Then, a sudden burst of laughter of that hollow, distant voice again. Your feet carried you on, and you pulled the handle, opening the door. Laughter rang in your ears, fading away in the depth of the house and your own brain. For a second, you were blinded and frightened by the light.

Your lava lamp sat on the edge of the bathroom sink, and Tyler was holding onto it, panting, his back humped like he’s been trying to outpower someone. But there was no one else.

His neck was covered in black, something that looked like blood, or oil, but was complete, vanta color, and it moved, as if darkness was consuming, coming up to his chin. Tyler’s jaws pressed together, and then he turned and looked at you - with the eyes of a stranger instead of his own. Like there was somebody else inside.

[izzy-b-hands]

Let All Be Quiet In Your Head

A snapshot fic, part of the You Send Me AU with our trans reader x Freddie. Set a few years in the future from that original fic, to the 1980 The Game North American tour. Didn’t choose an exact tour date, just somewhere in there lol. 

I’ll admit, because it would be wrong of me not to, what you’re going to read about the reader’s father is just...my father. My history with my dad, all the things he’s done, parts of his life. Part of me knows this is a bit much, but you know what? He hurt me again at his last visit a day ago, after I opened myself up to giving him yet another chance to be a good or at least decent bare-minimum dad. 

So he fucking deserves to be used in a fic like this. 

tw: misgendering (including use of wrong pronouns and deadname, though in the fic it’s just [deadname] of course since this is reader fic), a lot of arguing, and what I can only best say are descriptions of emotional neglect/abuse (that’s what my therapist defines it as, so that’s what I’m labeling it with here!) 

Title comes from the lyrics of Never Quite Free by The Mountain Goats. I’m also adding the link to info about the song on Genius, because the explanation of it there, about it having to do with trauma never quite letting you go, but finding a way to move on from it, is important in this fic, and part of why I used some of the lyrics for the title. 

My love to all who read/like/reblog.

“I’m sorry, who the fuck are you?” Michael, a member of the security team had his entire body blocking the doorway to the back of the venue. 

“I know someone on the crew,” a voice said, and your heart stopped beating for a moment. 

You had been assisting in readying a few things for the concert (little things that might need replacing mid-show, like strings, or drum pads, etc) but now you bolted down the hall, dodging past your fellow crew members to find Freddie.

“We need to go,” you gasped as you skidded to a stop in the dressing room. 

Freddie, shirtless, with one leg out of the trousers he’d worn to the venue, paused. “Right this moment?” 

You nodded. “We are not dealing with this. Gather the lads, I’m going to find someone else on the security team so they can tell Michael how to deal with this.” 

“Is something wrong with the venue?” he asked, slipping his trousers back on and zipping them, the button of them left undone as he walked after you down the hall. “Is someone hurt? We can’t just go without knowing why.” 

“You’ve met my mum, and her side of the family,” you said. “And you know my history with my dad.” 

You gave him a look, and waited a second until the light bulb dinged on. 

“Really? Here? I thought you said he rarely contacts you.” 

“He rarely does,” you said. “But, we’re in his town, and god I know I told Mum not to tell him I was with you, and working for you guys, but she must have. He’s probably been following the tour schedule and was just waiting for us to get here.” 

“Is he here now?” Freddie asked. 

“Yeah, Michael is dealing with-where are you going?” 

Freddie had wheeled around, and headed for the door where Michael still stood, his voice and the voice of your father getting increasingly angrier and louder. 

“Hello,” he chirped as he walked up to them, with you running on his heels. “Can we help you?” 

“My kid works for you,” your father said, still trying to peer past Freddie and Michael to see into the venue’s back hall. “I was hoping to see her.” 

“Ah,” Freddie said, wincing at your father’s use of the wrong pronoun. “Did you call ahead? And what is their name?” 

Your father balked. You knew he didn’t like using your true/new first name, but didn’t often use your deadname either. In fact, you couldn’t recall if he had ever called you anything other than ‘hey...you’ in the few times he had seen you since you’d begun transitioning. 

“Well, it should be [deadname],” he finally replied. 

Freddie shook his head. “Sorry, no one by that name here. Maybe you’ve got the wrong band. Michael, is anyone else playing in town tonight?” 

Michael shrugged. “I only pay attention to the band I work for.” 

“Good man,” Freddie nodded. “I’m sorry you’ve been given incorrect information, but we do need to get back to preparing for the show. Have you bought a ticket? Perhaps we’ll see you in the crowd.” 

It was the same fast patter he gave anyone that he didn’t want to talk to, and usually it worked like a charm. 

Until your father saw you, hiding behind Freddie and Michael, as best you could. 

“[Deadname]!” he cried, then paused. “I mean, hey...sweetheart. Your mom’s friend told me you were working for the band, and I thought, since you’re in town-” 

You gently tapped Michael’s shoulder, and he stepped aside just enough to let you lean in to join them in the doorway. “This would be a good time to see me.” 

“Yeah!” your dad nodded. “So? Are you free?” 

“Not really,” you admitted. “The show is in a couple of hours, and I’m crew so...I need to help everyone get ready.” 

“Could I maybe just bum around with you, while you work? I won’t get in the way; I’ll listen to instructions,” your father said. “I’m a Marine, so I can take instructions. Though I’m high up enough that I give them now.” 

You could feel Michael and Freddie bristle, and you looked to them for your answer. 

“I...for a bit, perhaps,” Freddie said stiltedly. “Though if we ask you to stay put in a spot, we’ll need you to listen. It can get quite hectic.” 

Michael nodded. “And if we say stay out of an area, you don’t go there. Got it?” 

Your father nodded, giving them a look as if they were mad for having anything other than absolute confidence in him. “As I said, I know how to listen. I’m not an idiot.” 

You winced, but stepped aside along with Michael and Freddie to let your father inside. It was a small mercy that he hadn’t shown up in uniform, as he had during the few other times he had bothered to come see you over the years. 

“I’m going to go change,” Freddie said. “But if you need anything. And I mean, anything, Y/N. Come and get me.” 

He looked worried as he walked away, and you had a feeling he feared to leave you alone with your father. He knew every little detail of it all, from the years of seeing your father maybe five times over the course of your childhood as he hadn’t fought for custody of you (he’d been busy with the woman he’d begun dating while your mum had been pregnant with you, and with the child that resulted from that union and eventual marriage that had, unsurprisingly, ended in another divorce for him), to the painful conversations you’d had over the years with your father in trying to achieve something like either A. a decent father-child relationship or B. no contact closure. 

Instead of those things, you had this. 

“So, what is it you do exactly?” your father asked as you both watched Michael resume his post at the door. 

“Little bit of everything,” you replied, and motioned for him to follow you down the hall. “I started as more of an apprentice than anything else, and I’m learning in all different areas of what needs to be done for a show. I’ve got some knowledge about working with the guitar techs, drum tech, bass tech, and some of the sound work. I’d love to learn more about the lighting rigs too, but I’ve been needed elsewhere. And of course, I help out in assisting the boys, getting them things they need, being an ear to vent to, things like that.” 

You paused. “And...I mean...I am dating Freddie as well, so that’s a thing of its own! But it’s all professional when it’s showtime!” 

Your father’s smile fell slightly, and you could feel the tension. He had made it clear at the start of your transition that he wasn’t comfortable with you doing it, but had told you “you’re still my child, and that counts for something.” You had never fully come out to him as gay in addition to being transgender, and evidently hearing it now like this was not going over well. 

But he only made an uncomfortable clear of his throat, and followed as you went about finishing the rest of your tasks. 

It wasn’t the worst, in that moment. It was even oddly nice, seeing him take some interest in what you were doing. 

But then he spoke. 

“Are you sure that should go there?” he asked, pointing to the strings you were setting aside near Brian’s wing of the stage. 

“I am,” you replied confidently. “Best to have them right here, so if he breaks a string, we’re ready to fix it for him.” 

“Seems like they might be in the way,” your father said. “Wouldn’t want anyone to ruin them by bumping against that crate.” 

“Might seem that way,” you said, although you did not see it that way at all, and didn’t know of anyone else on the crew who would agree with him. “But it’s the tried and true method for us, you know?” 

His smile was tight, but you ignored it, and led on to the next wing to help set up things for John. 

“I don’t mean to overstep,” your father started again, and you bit back a frustrated sigh. “But there’s a lot of stuff in the way here, isn’t there? You can’t just leave that for someone else to trip on.” 

“It won’t be,” you said. “But I’m not the one in charge of that; the folks that are using those crates and what’s in them will move them before show time.” 

“You’re here right now, aren’t you?” 

You stared down into the crate you were digging through, and fought back at what you wanted to say to him. “I am. But as I said, I might cause issues for everyone else if I move the things they’re using or working on right now. Best to stick to what I’ve been assigned, that’s how we work like a well-oiled machine.” 

You were echoing what you’d been told during some of your first days on the crew, to help you acclimate to working with the team. It had proven to be some of the best advice you’d gotten. It didn’t mean you couldn’t be a safety net for each other to ensure everything got done, but it also meant you trusted each other to do your jobs, and to ask for help when needed, not to let a problem get out of control. 

However, the only problem for this night was following you, and huffing more and more at everything you did that you could tell he felt was done ‘wrong.’

On your next pass down the main hall, you nearly ran into Brian. 

“Sorry,” he smiled. “Who is this?” 

“I’m [deadname]’s father,” your father said, pushing past you to reach a hand out to Brian. 

“You mean Y/N?” Brian asked, a brow raised. The crew and band, over the years of getting close and comfortable with them, now knew most things about you and your transition, including your deadname. However, they also knew the importance of that name not being used for you and were protective over making sure no one else ever used it for you. 

Your father’s smile didn’t falter, but he didn’t reply. 

Brian gave you a curious look, but shook your father’s hand. “Well then. Pleased to meet you. I’m Brian. I take it Y/N is giving you the backstage tour, all the little secrets?” 

“Well, she’s obviously still learning,” your father replied. “I mean, I tried to let her know what could be done better, but I’m sure the crew will get on her, right? A little tough love goes a long way!” 

Brian looked peeved now, and all but jerked his hand out of your father’s. “He knows his job very well, actually. He’s sort of our jack-of-all-trades, can go almost wherever we need him. Except the lighting rigs, but we’re going to get him up there someday when there’s time for teaching all that, right, Y/N?” 

You nodded. “I’m looking forward to that day!” 

Your father nodded, and didn’t turn to look for your reaction. “So, I’m not really a fan-” 

“Okay,” Brian chuckled. 

“But I do play guitar on the side some, and I wanted to talk technique with you.” 

You could see the ESCAPE NOW sign flashing in Brian’s brain, but he nodded instead of bolting from the hall, as you would not have blamed him for doing if he had done. “I don’t know how much advice I can give-” 

“I think I’ve got some good advice for you, actually,” your father interrupted. “You play well, but there’s always room for improvement, right?” 

“There is,” Brian said slowly. You knew he didn’t consider himself some godly player, but he also knew his level of skill and worth with the guitar. And it was certainly well above your father’s occasional slapping at an acoustic. 

“That’s my man!” your father said, and slapped Brian on the back. 

He was seeing red now, his mouth pursed, but you had to give Brian kudos for not immediately smacking your father across the face as you could tell he likely wanted to. 

“Perhaps we can speak on that if you’re here after the show,” Brian said shortly. “I’m afraid I’ve forgotten something in one of the other rooms, excuse me.” 

He moved past you gently, giving your upper arm a soft squeeze as he did. It felt like an apology, for leaving you with your father. 

“Kind of rude,” your father remarked as you led him on down the hall. Your next task was to ensure the lads didn’t need anything or any help in getting ready; they almost never did, but it would always be a part of the pre-show ritual, just in case.

“Everyone gets a little short around this time,” you defended. “They’ve got to focus in on their jobs. We all do.” 

“You certainly have walking around and messing with things down to an art,” he snipped. 

You stopped, and turned to him. “Yeah, I do.” 

You continued on, ignoring the scoff from him as you did. Any time before, you wouldn’t have had time for his shit simply on principle. But now, you really truly did not have time to deal with his bullshit. 

You had a band to help get on-stage, in only another hour. 

“Good evening, boys,” you greeted Roger, Freddie, and John. Brian had yet to return, you figured waiting until he didn’t hear your father’s voice anywhere near by before he would dare to enter the hallway again. 

“Y/N!” Roger grinned. “Freddie says you’ve got a guest!”

You nodded. “This is my dad. He actually lives here, and he knew we were in town-” 

“So here I am!” your father interrupted, and went round to shake hands with all of them, even Freddie, who shot you a puzzled look at that. 

“Anyone need anything? Usual checklist, food, water, clothing repairs, human sacrifice, you know,” you said, and smiled as the boys giggled. 

“We’re alright,” John said. “Don’t know about the others, but I’ve barely seen you all day. Nice to have the moment to check in with you.” 

“What do you do in the band?” your father asked John, stepping back and nearly in front of you. 

“Bass,” John replied. 

“Cool! You know, I play guitar,” your father said. “Which is pretty similar to the bass, I’m sure you’ve noticed.” 

John was giving him a look that could kill, but it didn’t seem to phase your father one bit. 

“And I was actually trying to talk to the guitarist earlier, Brennan, I think?” your father continued. 

“Brian,” Freddie corrected, the disgust in his voice only barely hidden. To anyone who knew him decently well, however, it was obvious in his tone.

“Sure,” your father said, not even looking over to Freddie. “I wanted to give him some tips that I’ve picked up, but he brushed me off. Maybe you could use them?” 

“No thanks,” John replied, as politely as you knew he could manage with the frustration brewing, evident from the wrinkles in his brow.

“Come on,” your father pushed. “Consider it fatherly advice.” 

You had also shared your history with your father with the rest of the band. They were all less than pleased with it, to put it gently, and were sympathetic to you, but John in particular had been upset about it all. Maybe it had to do with him having three kids of his own, maybe it was just because you were good friends with the whole band now, or maybe there was some other factor in his life that you didn’t yet know that made him more sensitive to it all. 

But he was openly angry now. 

“I’m sorry, but what I know of you does not designate you as much of a father,” John said sternly. 

“Sorry?” your father scoffed. “You don’t know me, so I don’t know how you could say anything like that.” 

“I know about you,” John said. “Y/N has told us everything, from his childhood up until now. And if I ever behaved as you have with him? I would not only expect my children to not want to be around me or to contact me, but I would encourage them not to, because I would have obviously lost my manners, common sense, and ability to parent.” 

The room was painfully tense. Roger and Freddie were watching with held breath, same as you, and you moved to stand near where Freddie was sat. 

“You have children? You look like a boot, fresh into Camp Pendleton,” your father chuckled. “Noodley arms and all.” 

“I have three,” John replied sharply. “All with one woman, my Ronnie, and not strewn across the countryside.” 

“You’re a saint,” your father spat sarcastically. “Do you look down on every man who happens to have had more than one spouse, and kids with each of them? Or just me?” 

“Just you, actually,” John said. “Because you don’t care about your son, that’s evident to me. You care about having things to show off, and that includes your children. That’s not what children are for.” 

Your father opened his mouth to protest, but John raised a finger to show he wasn’t done. 

“Not that you would know. From what I’ve been told, you were only there to help raise the last two you had, with your current wife,” John said. “And do I ever pity her. What a quandary: to stay with you and deal with you when you surely must be even more insufferable at home, or to leave, and hope she can manage the children alone, while you bounce to the next woman and drop a few new ones in her.” 

“That’s enough,” your father said harshly. 

“I’m not fucking finished,” John spat. “I know Y/N has a lot of this he’s wanted to say, but he hasn’t gotten the chance. And I’ll be happy to cede the floor to him in a moment, so he can take over and say his lot. But I’ve been fuming over this since he told us everything about you, and you’re going to shut up and listen. I know you aren’t much good at that, per Y/N’s time with you, but I also know you like to talk about yourself and no one else. So this should be satisfactorily masturbatory for you.” 

For once, your father was shocked into silence. 

“How can you treat your own child that way? In every conversation Y/N has recalled to us, you cut him off, don’t listen to him, don’t seem to care about what he has to say. You ask, sure, but that’s purely to perform what you think you’re meant to do with a child, isn’t it? You tick that box, and then you can move on to boast about your work with the military, or your other children, and you expect Y/N to smile and congratulate you. But have you ever done the same for him, aside from the most basic ‘oh good?’ Don’t answer, I know you haven’t,” John continued. “I know that no parent can know exactly what their child feels. I wouldn’t expect you to mind read, and Y/N doesn’t either-” 

You nodded. 

“But you could have considered how he feels. With never seeing you-” 

“I’ve come to see her, and had to fight to get her to agree to it,” your father interrupted. 

“I barely know you as a person!” you shouted. It was too hard to hold back anymore. “And when I was little? I knew even less! I knew your name, I knew that you were a Marine, I knew that you found someone else before I was born which is why you and Mum divorced, and that’s why my first half-sister is so close in age to me. But aside from that? I didn’t know how act around you, how you might be as a person. I was a shy kid to begin with; it was all the more difficult to go with you anywhere all of the five times you came to see me before I turned eighteen because I...” 

You faltered. “I didn’t know you. And you didn’t know me, and you didn’t make the effort to get to know me, even when I did the same for you. I was able to tell the boys not just what all that was like, but about the things you love. Your favorite foods, hobbies, color, activities that you do with my half-siblings. Could you tell them any of that about me?” 

The room was deathly quiet. 

“I don’t have to put up with this,” your father said coldly. “I did you a favor by coming here to see you; I didn’t have to do that.” 

“No, you didn’t,” Roger said, standing from his chair to come over and wrap an arm around you, while Freddie held tight to one of your hands. “And from the sounds of it, you shouldn’t have done it at all. I think you need to leave.” 

“I thought Y/N had something more to say to me?” your father asked mockingly, glaring back at John. 

The tears had welled up past the point of hiding them, but you nodded. “Why? Why are like this with me? Because you feel I didn’t ‘make enough effort’ as a kid to somehow get to know you in five visits, most of them barely an hour long? Everyone I’ve talked to, my therapist included, says the onus should have been on you to get to know me, and the relationship could have developed from there. Did you ever want to have one with me? Did you ever want to really be my dad? Did you even want kids, or were we just accidents you had to pay child support for?” 

He rolled his eyes. “I didn’t come here to listen to you whine.” 

“And what about me now?” you continued, ignoring his comment. “I know you don’t like that I’m transgender; you may not have said it out loud but it’s there. In your tone, that look you give me whenever I talk about anything in relation to it, like you’re humoring me by listening to me. The last time we saw each other, you could barely spend an hour with me, you winced when we hugged, which I only did because you wanted the damned hug anyway! You told me I was still your child and that counted for something, but I don’t think you fucking meant it. I think you said it because you felt like you were obligated to say something like that” 

You wiped at the tears with your free hand. “You clearly aren’t a fan of my relationship either. Don’t think I didn’t see the look on your face when I mentioned it. For someone who lies about everything from his achievements to whether he’ll be in town to see his kid or not, you’re a horrible fucking liar.” 

His eyes flashed, and you knew you were in for it. But it was cathartic all the same, to finally say so much of what had been in your head for years, whenever he was brought up, the few times he had come to visit you (and when he was in town, it was never just for you; there was always some bigger, more interesting thing for him like hunting or seeing his old friends. You were an afterthought, a ‘since I’m here, I may as well.’) 

“I’ve tried, since becoming an adult, to give you more chances. To see if we could make it work. But it’s like trying to build a house with someone with no foundation, and the other person won’t even try to help set one up,” you said softly. “I need closure. I can’t do this anymore, and I think if you were honest, you’d admit you don’t want to either. Hell, one of Mum’s friends told me that you were telling their old high school friends that you were disowning me. That was two years ago! Yet here you are. So what is it? Is this over, and I’m disowned, and we don’t talk again, or do you want to try and make equal effort with me, and be my dad properly, for the first time in your life?” 

He stared at you. At Roger, who was holding you close. At Freddie, who was squeezing your hand in the pattern of threes he always did when you were nervous or upset. At John, who was glaring him down with a frightening ferocity. 

You looked, and realized Brian was in the doorway. You had no idea how long he’d been there, but he was glaring down your father as well, so it had to have been for awhile. 

Your father looked at you, shook his head, and left. 

He pushed past Brian, past every crew member in the hall who had gathered to try and see what all the shouting was about, and you crowded out in the hall among them with the boys. 

And watched him walk out of the venue, without another word. 

---

The show went on as planned. There wasn’t much time to finish getting ready, but you pushed everyone to hurry. You could see in everyone’s eyes, from the lads to your fellow crew members, that they wanted to talk to you about what had happened. 

But there wasn’t time for that, not with fans waiting. 

It was only after, with everyone settled in the hotel room you shared with Freddie, that the dam finally broke. 

“I should have hit him,” Brian mused. “I’m not a violent man. But he deserved it.” 

“I would have liked to have had a turn as well,” John said. “I’m still absolutely furious with him. To hear all of that, if he listened at all, and then to just...go. If I ever act like that towards my own children or Veronica, you all have my permission to slap some sense back into me.” 

Roger nodded. “Think I could have done with a smack to him. Freddie used to box, that would have been the real show.” 

Freddie chuckled and shook his head. “Agreed, but all the same, I’m glad it didn’t come to that. It was terrible enough as it was. Are you alright, Y/N? As alright as you can be, I mean.” 

You nodded slowly. “I think so. I will be, at least. If nothing else, I finally got him to hear everything I’ve had in my mind. And thank you, John, for your part in saying it. I needed the help to get going; you said it all as I would have.” 

John reached over and gave your hand a squeeze. “Glad I could help. It was really satisfying, wasn’t it?” 

“It was,” you replied. “I just wish it had ended differently. I thought...I always try to give him a chance, you know? I thought maybe he would have surprised me, and said that he wanted to try and work on a relationship with me. But if he isn’t willing, then I hope he just leaves me alone from now on. It just would have been nice if he had wanted to try...I mean, I’ve never really had a dad. A grandfather, yes, and an uncle, and some men I looked up to as father figures but never really knew. But that’s not the same.” 

They piled on top of you, and you barely had enough time to set aside your drink onto the nearest end table before they did. 

“I know you don’t see us that way,” Roger said. “And I’m glad you don’t, it would be weird if you did, all things considered. But if you’d like, we can play at it sometimes. I’ll yell at you to clean your room.” 

“I can teach you how to ride a bike, or something,” John added. 

“You don’t have homework anymore, since you aren’t in school,” Brian said. “But I could give you homework, about space or something about it, and then I could get on you about finishing it. I’d make it fun, I promise.” 

“And all three of them can have a talk with me about making sure I’m good enough for you, and that I’d best not break your heart,” Freddie said. He was closest pressed to you, and gave you a quick kiss. “Not that anyone need worry about that.” 

“I know my heart is safe with you,” you said. “And thank you, all of you. I’m sorry you had to deal with him in any capacity tonight.” 

From under Freddie, Brian, Roger, and John’s arms, you could hear the crew’s words of assurance, and it made everything feel so much better. Despite how your father had been, no one hated you for this actions. An irrational thing you knew, but even so, it was nice to have the worry assuaged.

“God help me, if he comes back again, I’m physically tossing him away,” Michael said, and the mood of the room lifted even more as everyone laughed. 

The boys clambered back off of you, and Freddie found his bottle of beer again, only to raise it. “A toast: to the promise that if any of us should see him trying to come around again before we leave town, we will physically toss him as far away as we can!” 

You raised your glass of water while everyone else raised their drinks, and it was perhaps the most fulfilling drink of water you’d ever had as the toast concluded. There was nothing that could erase what had happened with your father, in the past and now, but there was a future to look forward to. One likely without him, but with more love and care from the boys and crew than you could ever have gotten from your father. 

[transgenderhelicopter-blog]

Let me down

I used to be afraid of Darkness, I would wake up screaming in my bed, trying to find the nearest light. I could not breathe, the Darkness took me for many nights. I learned to embrace it...

I am a good for nothing, which literally means what it says, good-for-nothing.

I am the product of a broken economy, unemployment and most of all,  procrastination.

Somewhere along the way I lost the spark that lights our passions and it was replaced by the hole of despair. I am not willing to change things anymore, I just want to-

This is a work of fiction, but for me it means more than that, this is my only way to express what I truly feel, I don’t expect this to make sense, I just need to let it all out and maybe this will reach someone who will resonate with my words. I am afraid of putting my true feelings on paper, I am scared to be judged, to put the costume away and let all to see what lies beneath. 

Yet it is something I must do.

Sometimes to feel the light we need to take our masks out. This is my bare Self.

“When was the last time I left my house?”

I would ask myself this many times throughout the week, I could never remember.

The trash was starting to pile up in the kitchen, the food was running out and the stink of my armpits was becoming unbearable, but none of that mattered to me anymore. I had nothing, nothing to lose as well, I just had to pay rent and utilities and that meant 30 more days with a roof, simple and efficient-

No. It doesn’t feel right. Let me try again.

Ok I’m back I just had some rice.

 Eating that rice made me think about one quote from Lao tzu, I am not going to quote it but basically talks about water, how water gives life to everything in the planet yet it claims no ownership on any of the creatures it gives life to, you can step on water yet it will not react in any manner, water is everywhere. This really enlightened my conception of God (This just real I know). Growing up I was always told God loved me and had a plan for. How he was everywhere and loved everyone. As a kid I took that as a fact coming from my mom but not only until I entered my twenties I started to really look into it and give that blurred idea of God more definition. 

My conclusion? Well I don’t have one, but I got something better, a core idea of God (just to clarify this is my perception and yours is as valid as mine, something which I will explain later.)

Drum rolls please! (Now you imagine the cool drum roll noise, thank you)

GOD IS BOTH GOOD AND BAD. 

Say what? But I thought God was a source of eternal love and he had a place in heaven for me?

Well yes, but no. By that I mean God does love you, but also he doesn’t. Confusing right? Well I have an imaginary doctor that looks like Einstein that will explain this with fancy words, Doc if you might?

“Why of course my dear colleague, allow me to clarify the previous statement. What my dear friend means is that technically good and evil are not really true concepts, to illustrate this I will ask you dear reader to think about temperature.

Many would say the opposite of cold is… Hot! 

But it is not as simple as that, in my colleague’s perception hot and cold are just a lack and abundance of temperature, they both belong to the temperature realm, they are not opposites, they are quantities of temperature. You wouldn't say a kilo of rice is the opposite of twenty kilos of rice would you? Well the same can be applied to actions to some extent. Now this is not to be taken as an excuse to become a murderous machine shielding your actions with this idea, only a fool would do such a thing, this is why “technically” is such a keyword. 

Societies do have good and evil, and depending on your society you may have slightly or even quite different conceptions of them. You have a moral compass, which will make you feel bad when you do something “evil” and good when something “good” has been done. But these are just human representation or more accurately, creation. Now back to my colleague thank you for listening to this old man’s rumbling”

Wow that was boring. Anyways back to what I was saying, again this might not make sense at all but honestly and too deep to stop now and I am having a blast doing this. 

So if God is everything why is he not associated with the bad stuff? I asked my friends one simple question, what is evil? Their answer?

“Imagine that God is a candle, the closer you are to the candle the more light and warm there is, but if you go far away you won’t feel that right? Evil is the absence of God.”

Clap, clap,clap.

That was good man, I liked that response quite a lot. But that's just a pretty response, I am at the same point before asking the question. God is everything right? So how can there be any absence of everything? See what I mean? My answer?

 God is. 

That’s it. Do with it what you want.

Next!

Let’s talk about love (Yay!) more specifically unconditional love (ugh).

My take on this is I don’t believe in unconditional love, we love things or people because of the things they do or have that benefit us. 

“Bu-But my girl is like the most loyal and she loves me no matter what and I asked if she would leave me for George Clooney and she said she won’t!”

Good for you mate!

Anyways I had a weird upbringing which led to me being a weird person. (Who would have thought right!?) 

And that’s it for the love section! Brief and underwhelming just like me in bed!

Now that the bed joke is finally taken out of the way let’s continue shall we?

Now on a more serious note, many of us feel It, I call it It because I don’t know how to call it, and in all honesty It sounds hella cool. But yeah, it happens, you relapse, things fall apart and everything lose meaning, you go to social media and are bombarded with smiles and people having the time of their life, what I am saying is not new, heck many of you might have heard the same thing on social media, which is so ironic but whatever. I am not gonna tell you things are gonna get better or worse, because I don’t know shit, but I can tell you that the only constant in life is change for the good and the bad, so if you are in at the bottom of the hill know that it won’t be forever and if you are on top of the mountain the same applies. That is. 

NOW IS TIME TO TALK ABOUT ME YAY!

Ohh I love talking about myself, don’t we all? I could talk hours upon hours about myself and never get tired!

I have so many fuck yous to say but not enough time sadly so we’ll skip that!

I was raised by a single mother (Can I get a round of applause for them?)

In a country with a broken economy but an amazing quality of life, I still haven’t met my father and I don’t know if I’ll ever will, I wrote him but he left me on read (fuck him).

I have a half sister, her Dad ain’t mine but I took his last name, the guy was loaded and a drunk with psycho issues, so a lot of screaming at home which I am pretty sure messed me up because every time someone screams at me weird shit happens.

And that’s it for now, I don’t want to bore you guys but know that I have a lot to tell!

Next!

POLITICAL VIEWS

This is gonna get spicy!

So what am I? Am I a republican? An anarchist? A democrat?

Honestly dude, I am just me, do I have opinions on how a country should be run?

Of course!

Am I educated enough to convince people on how a country should be run?

I’ll let you answer that one! (the answer starts with an N and ends with an O though)

Do I think the people educated enough are doing a good job? Well just look at the news and it is quite clear.

My views? Equity, equal opportunity, racism is a no no. (Pretty basic huh? Well it’s only three things but we haven’t achieved a single one in thousands of years so you tell me)

AND NOW THE CLOSING PARAGRAPH OF PART ONE

This started as a cry for help, a hole in the balloon filled with despair and honestly, the balloon is gone, I feel so much better. So thank you Untitled Document and slowed down music compilation.

And yeah maybe I’ll continue this in more detail or maybe I won’t but for now this will remain a short story, with that said, See ya later alligator!

[austarus]

Harry Wells x Reader Bulletproof In The Shower

**A/N: The picture/edit/gif does not belong to me. It belongs to its rightful owner(s).

You let out a little hum as you fully undressed yourself, setting your clothes down and moving your things to the side counter near the sink. Fresh clothes reside in your backpack while your phone is on the sink counter of the locker room bathroom. You took in a little breath, the smell of cranberries emitting from the built-in air freshener that hung above the sink. Crouching down, you double check that you have everything like deodorant, body spray, and so on, before zipping up your backpack.

“7 a.m. No one is here or awake,” you mumble to yourself, shivering a bit at the slight airy draft as you fold the clothes that you just took off. Picking up your kiwi-berry scented shampoo and conditioner, you place them inside the shower then turn on the water to get it all running and warmed up. “Just me, myself, and I.”

Unfortunately, your own bathroom has been having some plumbing issues and leaky water problems, so you opted to shower here while a plumber comes in later today. And of course, with all the metas running around, you’re sure there will be some sort of delay. You’ve used Caitlin’s shower a twice already, with her assuring that it’s no problem at all. But you didn’t want to impose anymore, so the STAR Labs locker room seemed like best option at the moment.

You let your hair down from its bun and grab your phone, flicking to YouTube and starting up your playlist at a low volume as to not attract unwanted attention. You’re aware Harry’s in his room, but because of how late you and the team know he stays up you’re sure he wouldn’t be awake this early in the morning. Your heart skips a beat at the thought of the grumpy scientist. He’s come a long way with us since the Zoom incident. Setting your phone back on the counter, the soft beat of Titanium plays before you step under the warm water. You wet your hair as the water continuously cascades down.

“You shout it out… But I can't hear a word you say,” You lowly sing along, allowing your body to relax with a sigh. “I'm talking loud not saying much.”

.:.:.

Harry raked a hand through his dark and chaotic hair, which can never stay tame for too long. He was rudely awoken in his workshop by the sound of some tools falling off the desk. Yes, he passed out late last night working on the Thinking Cap, so he can finally outsmart Devoe. Apparently Ramon can’t even keep the place tidy, Harry thinks bitterly, rubbing the back of his neck as he sluggishly strolls to the break room to make some much needed coffee. Another long day with Team Flash, more like a team of hyper puppies.

What the-? Roughly sighing, Harry narrows his eyes as a certain noise… well, a steady beat actually, catches his attention as he walks by the locker room bathrooms. Back tracking in his steps, Harry gets close to the door and strains his ear to find some indication on if its an intruder or something through the slight drum of water hitting the tiles. I swear, if its Ralph again I’m banning him from using my locker room. He has his own bathroom to use!

“Stone-hard, machine gun, firing at the ones who run. Stone-hard, thus bulletproof glass” You, on the other hand, swayed your hips to the music as you sing a little louder while washing the shampoo bubbles from your hair, completely unaware that Harry was listening in. Too pre-occupied with getting clean to even consider the fact that he might even be awake or if anyone else from the team decided to come in early today.

Harry’s cheeks flush, his mind becoming a jumbled mess when he recognizes your voice. Realization hits him hard in his heart. The mental image of you wet and naked pops into the very front of his genius mind that he has to speed-walk away from the locker room and to the break room. I’m going to need one hell of a strong coffee to survive today, he shoves his hands in his pockets, knowing today will be hell when he must face you with everyone.

Mug filled with rich, black coffee in hand, Harry legit takes quick strides past the locker room bathroom to the Cortex, where at least he knows he’s safe there to calm down. He sits down at the main monitors and attempts to distract himself with whatever Devoe-related thing he can think of. Totally not thinking about how you sing or anything else about you. I swear she’s going to be the death of me even before I get the chance to confess to her…

.:.:.

After 10 minutes or so, you saunter into the Cortex with a refreshed casual look and your bag, which you set off to the side. Your damp hair is braided into a gorgeously done French braid, cascading over your shoulder. A little hum of content leaves your lips.

“Oh, hey Harry,” you beam a smile at him right as you saw him, your happy-go-lucky disposition never faltering.

“Hey,” he nods his head at you, not really making eye contact in hopes that you miss how his cheeks tint the slightest bit of pink. Harry’s trying to rid his mind of your silky singing voice, your sarcastic remarks, and the determination that sparkles in your eyes. That he really doesn’t need his mind to conjure up your during-shower look and post-shower look.

“You’re awake early.”

“I slept in the workshop, so not really all that comfortable.”

“You know you need proper sleep on a proper bed, right?” You start as you walk past him, he can smell your fruity shampoo, but… something else along with it. “You’re a human being too.”

“…What is that smell?” He changes the subject.

“Oh, it’s probably the coconut oil,” you nonchalantly respond, looking through some of Barry’s case files and anything that can be a lead to helping him out of prison. You glance at the dark-haired genius over your shoulder, “I heard that it can make my skin softer and smoother, so I applied it everywhere.”

God damn it… why do you have to be so adorable and confident and sunshine-y and oblivious as fuck. Harry rubs his face with his two hands when you look away just cursing you in his mind because he’s a victim to your ‘treachery’. This new information just adding fuel to the fire within him. Today is going to be hell.

You look to him with a bright smile, “Are you okay?”

“…Yes,” Harry answers and returns your infectious smile with a little one of his own, before turning back around. His smile slowly falls off his face as he tries to keep his feelings at bay until this Flash crisis is over.  No…

[an-abundance-of-castiels]

Best Left Forgotten

Part 13: Panic

Series Summary: You wake up in the bunker with a serious head injury and no memory of the last year or the Winchesters and find that Dean is avoiding you. You are determined to find out the truth about what happened but maybe the truth is best left forgotten.

Characters: Dean x Reader, Sam, Cas, Rowena

Warnings: language, Season 10 Spoilers

Word Count: 1392

General Disclaimer: I do not own the gif or any of the Supernatural properties or characters. This is a fan piece and is intended to be enjoyed only as such.

A/N: Here it is guys! The story has been almost running ahead of me these past few days. I hope you’re all prepared... Thank you all for the support this past week. It means the world to me. <3

This is my first fic so any and all feedback is appreciated! A HUGE thanks to @weirdochick56 for rough beta-ing and encouraging me to pick this up again and give it another try in the first place!

Best Left Forgotten Masterlist

Missed Part 12?

**********

You and Sam stood awkwardly aside while Dean carried Charlie, wrapped in a sheet, to the meticulously piled sticks. You think you are still half in shock. Dean had refused to look at you all night as the three of you prepared Charlie’s funeral. Terror eats away at your nerves. A terror that there will be no forgiveness this time. That he hates you. You did this after all.

You break the silence. Charlie deserves better than this. She accepted you into the family and was always there to talk when you needed her. She loved you like you were her sister. She risked everything for you and Dean. She was strong. And kind. And loving. And intelligent. And rambunctious. She had so much more life to live.  Charlie deserved everything. And now she’s gone. Because of you. You get a sick feeling as you watch the flames begin to lap her body and singe the sheets. It’s not nearly enough, but with tears running down your face and a thick throat, you manage to speak softly. “Charlie, you were like my sister. I love you so much and I’m so sorry that-”

“Stop. Just stop. You got her killed. Don’t apologize.” Dean spits. He glares at you with disgust and hatred burning in his eyes. His whole body is rigid and his fists are clenched almost like he’s trying not to lunge. He grits his teeth behind his lips.

“Dean.” Sam is floored.

“Both of you are selfish. Don’t pretend that you give a damn now that she's dead.” Dean growls.

He looks you in the eye. In his eyes, you see nothing but rage. Like a machine that only has one setting. You stare back, speechless. You take an involuntary step back and trip over a rock. As you fall, you throw your hands back to catch yourself. You feel a sharp pain in your hand and look down to see it bleeding. You make no move to clean it only stare blankly at it and think, “Dean thinks I’m a monster.” Sam helps you up, but Dean makes no move to help you. You realize suddenly that it’s too late. The mark has finally consumed him. And now he will come after you. Your own voice echoes in your head, “He will kill you. You knew it was only a matter of time.” You shake your head to clear it as you get up. Where did that thought come from? He wouldn’t… but you look at him and you aren’t so sure anymore. You look down and whisper. “Were we supposed to just watch you die?”

“The mark won’t kill me,” Dean snarls.

“You’re right. You just won’t exist anymore.” You say, speaking up this time. You suddenly feel a bravery that stems from desperation. It occurs to you that this moment is vital, defining, even. You have nothing left to lose if you lose Dean.

“Was it worth sacrificing Charlie to get what you want?” he spits at you. That stings worse than anything he’s ever said to you. You can’t believe he thinks you’re some kind of monster. He turns away to watch Charlie’s body burn, but you aren’t done with this.

“Do you really think I am ever going to forgive myself? That I could ever…” You feel a wave of nausea. You swallow your bile.

“You know what I think? I think it should be you up there, not her.” He stares you down as he says this.

Your mouth drops open. What? How could he say that? He wants you… dead? You’re frozen as he stares you down and silent tears begin to spill. You start to shake, violently. Coherent thoughts aren’t possible anymore.

Sam recovers from the shock and steps up to you. He wraps his arms around you to hold you while you shake. He is pissed and he throws knives with his voice. “Is that you talking, or the mark?”

Dean looks Sam in the eye. “Is there a difference?” Sam freezes in shock. Dean turns away and walks towards the Impala. “Don’t follow me.”

Something inside you pulls together in desperation and you pull away from Sam to follow Dean. Sam is taken by surprise when you move and he attempts to grab your arm. He misses.

You don’t know what you can do, but you know you can’t let him leave. “Dean,” You say calmly to his back.

He stops with his hand on the door handle of Baby and turns to you.

You start to plead with him. You know if he leaves now, you may never get him back. “Please, Dean. Don’t go. If… If you go, I’m… scared. I’m scared the next time I talk to you, you’ll… you’ll,” you close your eyes to say it… because you can’t say it to his face, “have black eyes and you’ll come after me.” You feel sick to your stomach when you hear the words leave your mouth.

His shoulders relax for a moment, and some human emotion flickers across his face but not long enough for you to tell if it’s confusion, pain, sadness… and then his stoic, unfeeling expression flickers back on and he unflinchingly speaks with a monotone voice, “You’re right.” He gets into Baby and drives away.

You take a step towards the car in desperation as he speeds off, hand outstretched as if you could hold on to him and stop him. You fall to your knees as he disappears from view. You feel your heart being pulled apart as the distance between you grows. Sam speaks, but you don’t hear anything. You feel like you should do something; you should feel something. Go after him. Sob. Scream. But you feel… empty. This nothing. It’s safer. Your mind protecting itself from reality. You stare at the place where the car vanishes until your vision blurs.

————————————

“No, Sam. I’m telling you. He will come back.” You can't tell if it's him or you you're trying to convince. But either way, you stay steady and firm, knowing you can’t afford to show any weakness. “You and Cas go. Whoever finds him first will call, right?” You ask. Your voice is softer this time and you can tell that a sliver of your concern for Dean has slipped through. You’re afraid that Dean is lost to the mark. What becomes of you if… No. Stop. You can’t do this. Can’t let the darkness creep in. You don’t let these thoughts show on your face and attempt to smile convincingly at Sam.

Sam studies you, conflict and concern in his eyes. He clearly doesn’t believe you’re as confident as you say. “Okay, y/n/n.” Sam says. He looks at Cas for help. Sam isn’t saying something; he’s holding back.  

Cas watches you closely. “Don’t do anything stupid. If he gets back here and he seems off, even a little, promise us you will hide. Promise. He’s dangerous and he will hurt you.”

This startles you. Cas doesn’t ask you for much. And his sudden honesty is ruining the lovely palace of denial you have constructed in your mind. “Okay Cas. I promise.” You decide now is not the time to let your fears get the best of you. Something about the look in Dean’s eye and the maliciousness in his works terrified you. You are scared of him. But letting that show right now won’t help your case.

The boys walk out of the war room and you grab your earbuds and turn on some Panic! At The Disco. You’re no good to Dean if you let yourself wallow in fear. You learned that a long time ago. So you push down the emotions you can’t deal with right now and lose yourself in the music while you walk down to the kitchen and make a sandwich. Something about the beat and awkward slamming of your head and arms to the drums gives you a way to let some steam off.

A little while later, you get up from the kitchen table and walk to the fridge singing and dancing,

“Say what you meeean

Tell me I'm riiiight

And let the sun rain down on me!

Give me a sign

I wanna belieeeeeeve!

Oh oh oh oh Mon-”

Something suddenly slams into your head and you black out.

Part 14

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IMPORTANT NOTE for my BLF tags: Anyone who has changed their handle, please update it! Also, this tag list will be disappearing when the story ends. If you would like to be added to a specific category, change that in the google doc as well! Thanks for reading!!! <3

My Lovely Forever Tag: @alexwinchester23

Best Left Forgotten Tags

@webcricket @musiclovinchic93 @spnfamily-thewinchesters @flipperjanga11 @emptywithout @closetspngirl @falloutgirlzz @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @myfavemoose-sammy @krob284 @darkswanordie @spookycowz @thegirlwhorunswithwinchesters @sandlee44 @supernatural-bellawinchester @alyeskandragon @mirandaaustin93 @polina-93 @somebadeeee @formulafun @catlover1899 @ashley-unicorn  @musiclovinchic93 @momma-loves-her-some-capnbucky  @misspygmypie @just-me00000 @witch-of-letters @love-nakamura

(I can’t tag you? please check your settings so I can!)

@dolphincliffs @daydreamingintheimpalareturns

[kinkyacademia]

Heya Mod Pasta! Hope you’re well! Could I request a kind of love/hate or lust/hate competitive relationship between Powerloader and an s/o who’s also a costume designer but who’s costumes are pretty avant- garde. Like they both respect the hell out of each other but also can’t stand each other’s costume tastes. Thank you!! 🌺

This is saucy. Hey, has anyone considered that I would give one of my left toes for Iida x Midoriya? Now, now, let’s not fret, I would give the left half of my body for Villain!Iida x Villain!Deku.Btw I might not respond to all of my old requests? I barely have any villain ones, and I’m really feeling villainy lately.OKAY OKAY BUT: “power loader? Power… power THRUST, a loaded THRUST”

-Mod Pasta🍜🍝

Your favourite thing to do with Maijima was to drive around town and simply enjoy the sights. The drum of the engine was soothing the the both of you, and he was more than willing to jump to anyone’s aid if there was a villain attack.

Oh, and of course you were ready as well with your micro tech. Maijima cursed it to all hell, saying “things shouldn’t suddenly appear out of no where!” You still fought with him, hand in hand, but the aftermath of your bickering never left the city in one piece. You still patched each other up, albeit giving a couple lashes out when possible, and had some great anger/make up sex afterwards.

And this was one of those times. After a rather large villain had attacked the city, you and Power Loader were called out to fight. You rushed out of the door with a couple devices attached in just under two minutes, while you had to wait a couple more for him to strap in and activate his machine, “Jesus, just imagine how many civilians are being crushed under rubble right now! I swear, I WILL fucking go without you!”

“And you wouldn’t be able to save ‘em, eh? Just go fight, it’s a better sight than you yelling!” He grabbed the controls, glancing one time down at you before jumping off. You quickly caught up with a scowl, and he was snickering to himself, that bastard. Your support items kept your speed up with his own, and you latched onto his hero suit; it’s how you usually would travel during a crisis like this.

“Oi, I can pull people out of rubble just as, if not faster than you! You’re in a block of metal, for Gods’ sake!” You looked around for the issue, trying to spot the street you were called to.

“Oh, really, with those small little gadgets? Give it up, you’re making up for the lack of a flashy quirk with some flashy shit,” he snapped, and you pointed him in the right direction when you saw something black crash into the top of a building. He muttered to himself as he shifted gears.

“Give it up, you’re just jealous that they’re the largest thing attached to me,” you laughed luxuriously at his gaping, offended mouth as the warm air rushing past you came to a sudden halt. You had arrived at the scene of the crime, and you jumped off to find the villain and the pro hero you usually worked with as Maijima instantly went to the calls of the wounded.

“This conversation is not over,” he threw over his shoulder, and you felt a rush of adrenaline at his words.

-

You yawned as you fixed a simple dinner (practically breakfast with how late it was) for Maijima and you. He had been injured in the fight, and you were home a lot earlier than him. He wasn’t going to be in the hospital for long, so you thought the least you could do was not grace him with your presence after his surgery and just fix some food up.

Just as you finished and played yourself, the front door opened. You waited for him to shout “I’m home!” But it never came, just a small groan of pain. You quickly put your food down on the counter, far from his dog, and rushed to find him slumped against the wall of the foyer. He had bandages around his shoulders, mid-section, and left lower leg. You felt a pang of sympathy for him, “Hey, hey don’t push yourself, how can I help?”

“I’d really… REALLY love some of whatever yah made,” he chuckled, wincing in pain. You helped him to the table, scolding him you endangering himself.

“I’m just glad you’re home. What the hell-WHO the hell did this to you?” You ate furiously, and he picked at the food as he told his story of absolute shitty heroics. He couldn’t have a shirt on for the next couple days until his shoulders healed, which wasn’t that bad since he never wore one in the first place, but he also had to wear shorts as not to aggravate his leg wound. His current shorts were torn to hell, and you realized that at least part of his story was the full truth.

“And the building came down like a skyscraper - you saw it, eh? Yeah, well I was directly fucking under it, and that villain used his quirk to crush the top- hey, pay attention to me!” He whined when you pulled your phone out to text a friend. You eyed him, smiling and then continuing, “Oi, when I said our conversation wasn’t done, I meant it asshat.”

“Oh, and where would you like to continue? At “this is the biggest thing on me,” you flashed a bracelet that could unfurl into a fully loaded machine gun, “or your block suit that’s currently out of commission in the garage?” Your disappointed gaze betrayed your curiosity.

“Let’s start with: that’s NOT the biggest thing attached to you, and you know it, so stop making fun of my height,” he snapped, taking a rather large bite of food and accidentally crunching on the fork. He quickly grabbed his jaw, moaning in pain before sighing and shaking his mat of ginger hair out of his face.

“Right, your height,” You snickered, and he gaped in offense.

“Alrigh’ alrigh’, I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, but you seriously were-? Fuck, do I have to prove-? Fine, fine, just let me shower after dinner,” he mumbled to himself as he shoved food into his mouth. You blinked in surprise- he was serious about that? It was just a joke… His determined expression gave you a feeling that he was not kidding about plowing you down even in his roughed up shape just to prove his point about his dick size.

Well, that was one way to go about it, “Really? You’re out of commission, Maijima, not happening. Your inadequacies are going to get you even more injured,” you growled, glaring at his flushed cheeks and narrowed dulled blue eyes.

“I suggest, (F/N), that you consider not insulting your boyfriend before battle,” his eyes flirted over to lock with yours, causing your stomach to instantly flush with butterflies. He still did that to you, “I’m still riled up and full of fight. I’m not taking it out on the punching bag,” he pushed himself up, putting his plate in the sink and then grabbing your shoulders roughly with his large hands, leaning down to whisper in your ear, “Leave the shitty gadgets behind this time, won’t you?”

-

You were changing into pajamas when the wooden bedroom door opened. He came out in a towel, skin tinted pink with hot shower water (the only thing able to get off the amount of grime he accumulated every day), but he pulled it off to dry his hair off a bit before throwing it at the hamper. You scowled; he would be the death of you, dammit, “Hey, pick that up-“

“Nope, bedtime,” he pushed his fluffy ginger mat back, stifling a yawn as he stretched his arms. He winced in pain, but his shoulders were already looking better. You raised an eyebrow, reaching for your book slowly in hopes that he still wasn’t serious about the sex. He was wrapped half like a mummy for gods’s sake!

Nope. He pushed your book away from you, climbing overtop and sinking into the fuzzy white blanket. He glared with disapproval, “You’ve got to learn to take me seriously.”

“Not when you say your inventions can protect you from falling buildings,” you snapped back, and he grit his teeth as he narrowed his eyes.

“Don’t you fucking dare-“

“Oh, I fucking dare, Maijima, I do. You told me “oh, everything will be fine, it’s just a couple starter villains!” And look at you now. Just…” you lightly pushed on his shoulders, trying to get him to let you take over, “Let me ride you, we’re not going back to the hospital.”

“Mmm, it doesn’t look like I feel like doing that today, huh sweets?” He purred, leaned down to capture your lips with his own. You begrudgingly kissed back, grabbing his jaw instead of his arms as you usually would. As his hands began to wander down you body, he pressed on, heating the kiss up. You managed to get a couple words in between the breaks, though.

“You wouldn’t… have gotten hurt… if you just used my…” you pulled back into him, and he stopped you by pulling your shirt off and diving down to greedily grope, nip, and suck on your breasts.

“Mmm, I think I woulda been crushed to a pulp,” he chuckled, and you growled in distain.

“Fuck off, you’d have dodged everything in time,” you pulled lightly on his hair, and he responded with something akin to an animalistic purr. You looked down to his naked body, admiring his hardened erection that looked much too painful to keep unattended. Your skin warmed up in want and desire as you mumbled profanities. Damn he was good with his mouth, “Maijima, just shut up and fuck me.”

“I thought you’d never have the audacity to say it,” without missing a beat, he pulled your bottoms down with your panties, not giving a second thought to preparation when he saw how turned on you already were. You knew he wouldn’t give up the moment he got home, all your prior words of resistance were just banter. This was your relationship, and you wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

He climbed back up, and you wrapped your trained, lithe legs around his lower back to avoid the fresh bandages. You stared into his piercing, bright eyes as he aligned himself with you. You wrapped your arms loosely around his neck, smirking at his deep blush. In all honesty, his switch nature was probably wanting you to take over, but his pride wouldn’t allow it.

“Shut up,” he thrust inside you, and your breath caught as you bit your lip. He paused, letting you take a second to adjust. When he started to pull back, he hummed in content, “Well isn’t that a pretty sight?”

“Head your own words, asshole,” your hands dropped to his chest, and he rolled his eyes as he started out slowly.

“Hey, that’s not what we agreed on, isn’t anal a weekends thing with us?” He tipped his head to the side, his hair falling onto your breasts. This caused you to snort, chuckling.

“I swear, I will get a strap on one of these days,” you leaned up, and he leaned down for you to kiss. Instead, you bit his cheek, sucking on the mark as his eyes widened, blush deepened, and a whimper escaped his lips. Damn you, damn you… he just couldn’t get enough of your tricks, gadgets and otherwise.

“In your dreams,” he was already panting from feebly struggling against you, and you pulled him down by the jaw for a quick, hard kiss.

“Harder, or I take over Mai,” You warned, and he blinked in surprise before realizing that he had slowed down to a snail’s pace. He quickly sped up, placing his elbows on the pillow on either side of your head. You moaned in satisfaction, each of his thrusts moving your hands and causing them to brush over his nipples, a small soft spot of his. You had wanted this to be quick, but now that he had started, his point was proven loud and clear; you definitely didn’t want this to stop.

The friction, the movement, every pant felt surreal as you grinded your hips into each of his thrusts. He was also conscious of your needs, propping himself differently every minute and shifting his hips until he found the perfect spot to have you screaming. He hadn’t intended on being so rough tonight, but things just happen, eh? When he began to ruthlessly plough you into the mattress, your soft touches became kitten scratches across his chest.

“F-Fuck… Maijima…” You muttered, your voice fading into a loud moan. He simply grunted in response, too focused to really reply. You loved every part of him, and as the knot inside the both of you grew, you let him know through broken words, “You’re so deep, shit, mmmm, right th-yes, please,” you both were a mess of tangled legs and lost glances. He occasionally locked eyes with you and gave you a quick kiss, but he liked to hide his face in your collarbone and suck on it to let himself focus, not unlike how he would suck on the end of pens while he worked on his costumes. It always left a nasty hickey.

When everything became too much, you warned him with a high-pitched sigh. He felt you tense around him, clenching around his length. He quickly finished himself, letting go of your collarbone to whisper, “So, are you going to take everything back, or?…”

“Fuck - fine, sure,” You mumbled angrily, wrapping your arms around his back. He pulled back to nuzzle into your cheek, then peck you with a victorious smile.

“Birth control?” You quickly leaned over to the nightstand, opening and pulling out the pills to take it. He chuckled, awkwardly waiting for you to finish. Your phone’s reminder had gone off a while ago, thank gods he had the memory of an elephant. On that note, his next words made you splutter even worse, “I think those wristbands are actually very pretty, you know.”

“If you’re looking for me to compliment-” You started, but he cut you off with a shake of his head as he pushed himself up and walked over to your dresser, grabbing a towel. You admired the view from the back, smiling unconsciously as things cooled down.

“No, listen, what if you made a whole suit? That would be hard, yes, but then we could match,” You hummed to yourself at his suggestion, mulling it over as he pulled on a pair of flimsy boxers, “Besides, you’re always hot in battle.”

“You still look like a block, but I guess our amazing suits could have great bionic sex,” You grinned, waiting for him to see your expression. He slowly turned to you, his face practically blue in horror.

“And this is why we aren’t married yet,” He whispered, causing you to laugh. Eventually he joined you; not only laughing, but in bed after changing the sheets.

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ITunes Top a hundred Pop Songs 2019

Music actually began to split into completely different categories throughout the Modern era (1910-2000). But Nashville hasn't always been welcoming toward pop and digital music. Within the early 2000s, now-defunct file sellers Cat's Music made a killing off Drum Machines Have No Soul" bumper stickers, a rallying cry for Volvo-driving rockists throughout the Midstate. In 2008, when a particularly rowdy Lady Speak present at Cannery Ballroom ended with a busted stage and flooded places of work below, the venue's homeowners stepped away from reserving non-rock gigs. We are a rock 'n' roll venue, and we're going to play rock 'n' roll shows from here on out," Todd Ohlhauser told the since-folded local entertainment weekly All of the Rage on the time. 4. 42% of individuals polled on which decade has produced the worst pop music for the reason that 1970s voted for the 2010s. These folks were not from a specific getting old demographic at all - all age groups polled, together with 18-29 year olds, appear to really feel unanimously that the 2010s are when pop music turned worst. This may clarify a rising development of younger millennials, for example, digging round for now 15-30 yr-old music on YouTube frequently. It isn't just the older individuals who take heed to the Nineteen Eighties and 1990s on YouTube and different streaming providers it appears - much youthful individuals do it too. The strictly calculated music of Nomeda Valančiūtė (b.1961) is, nonetheless, absolutely not technological in its nature - her compositions are all based mostly on some not simply defined inventive impulses that are later matured by methodical work with sound materials and then given a precisely polished type. Valančiūtė's minimalist idiom is said to a point to the medieval isorhythmic methods. A more in-depth look to the composer's works and their conceptual stimuli reveals a steadiness of inside opposites: open emotion - and its suppression through uncompromisingly rigid structures; a crystal clarity - and the aware avoidance of 'magnificence' (the usage of sharp dissonances, intentional 'out of tune' sound of ready piano, and many others); the stance of a 'pure music' adept - and the multidimensional picturesqueness of her music, its oddly theatrical expression, and a certain 'bittersweet' glamour. Okay-pop has at all times been a strange hybrid of Korean and Western tradition. The music has drawn on US genres, however the excessive work ethic and bobserle3266.wikidot.com administration system are a product of Korean tradition and economy. The brand new management of Big Hit Entertainment appears to be an surprising swing in direction of extra US-type norms, which may unintentionally be helping BTS to break that market. The fact that they co-wrote the music would positively be a big issue within the US market, particularly for individuals who value ‘authenticity' in music and would not listen to K-pop out of disapproval," Kim argues. But I do not assume that was actually a deliberate plan by the corporate". Streaming has been a bit of a monkey wrench within the gears, as we saw a very explicit sort of hip-hop come to dominate the charts to a level that's almost excessive, and the charts still look like that now. The vast majority of songs on the Billboard charts now are that sort of hip-hop, as a result of the style dominates streaming. And while it was attention-grabbing to see the previous guard of pop this decade get uprooted, it isn't essentially the most interesting music to replace it. I wish to have some stage of musical diversity on the pop charts, and streaming tends to stagnate the charts a lot. This is the reason Drake breaks records every time he releases a brand new single, despite the fact that the songs are mediocre at greatest. Moreover, "Rockstar" by Submit Malone has been caught near the highest of the Spotify Top 50 for almost a year now.

The identical factor is occurring in nation music. There have been by no means many minority singers however a number of girls. Up to now few years bro-nation has largely pushed ladies off nation radio and labels aren't offering a lot help to women. Feminine artists have gotten frustrated and it will not be to stunning if many can be women country singers switch to other genres. Bro-country is more widespread with men so nation might start to lose ladies as each listeners and http://www.magicaudiotools.com/ artists if the labels and country stations do not make an effort to encourage range.A few weeks in the past, Ted Gioia wrote a piece for The Day by day Beast taking trendy music criticism to job, specializing in his remark that folks who would have once written about a musician's sound and approach are now targeted on the star's way of life and fame. Then, this past weekend, the New York Occasions Magazine featured an essay by Saul Austerlitz about poptimism, " deriding the development of music critics agreeing too readily with the taste of 13-yr-olds." In their own methods, both essays make the purpose that at present's pop is getting a cross. In that narrative, there existed a superb-previous-days time when critics had been unswayed by the lure of pop. Immediately, they argue, quite a lot of factors — perhaps a desire to reclaim the concept of a mass tradition despite the fracturing affect of the Web; maybe the economics of getting the maximum number of clicks on an article — have conspired to let pop off that hook.The genere that influenced each standard genere after its growth, the one in have been virtually every artist participated is the Disco. It is a subgenere if R&B and pop, with roots in the soul and funk, that dominated the charts in the late 70s. And too, albums like Saturday Evening Fever, Random Access Memories, Brothers In Arms, Thriller, Like A Virgin, and a lot of "greatest hits" of bands like Pink Floyd (Another Brick In The Wall), Kiss (I Was Made For Loving You), and much more have been Disco, or have been influenced by Disco. It is probably not so beloved as othe generes, but this subgenere of Pop, is essentially the most succesful and one of the crucial influential of all time.If pop's sound is becoming blasé and in want of disruption, so is its subject matter. Nearly with out fail, the songs that dominated 2017 ignored the 12 months's dominant social and political themes in favor of zoned-out life-style music. Pop has at all times served an escapist function, but it surely has also been one of many simpler delivery strategies for significant content material. So at a time of extreme national turmoil, it was surprising to not hear a single protest tune amongst 2017's greatest hits (though bless her coronary heart, no less than Katy Perry tried). Nor had been there any large singles addressing gun violence or the opioid crisis, until you rely Publish Malone glamorizing drive-by shootings and popping pillies." Though pop stars aligned for a lot of charity concerts in response to terrorism, hurricanes, and lethal racist demonstrations, the music itself mostly sidestepped weighty subjects.BLACKPINK's DDU-DU DDU-DU" is the best-profile music video that went lacking from the video sharing website. It currently holds the title of essentially the most-considered music video by a K-pop woman group of all time at 604 million views. The video not too long ago broke the record for the quickest music video to achieve 600 million views - a number of days after BTS grew to become the first Korean group to achieve that view depend with DNA." For a while, DDU-DU DDU-DU" additionally staked its place as essentially the most-considered 24-hour debut from a Korean artist.