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pastortomsteers · 6 months

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Good Friday

March 29, 2024

Pastor Tom Steers

Christ the Saviour Lutheran Church, Toronto

“Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world.”

John 1:29

The Good Friday service is marked by reflection on the cross of Jesus Christ and His sacrificial death that earned us salvation.

The altar has been stripped to symbolize the stripping of Christ before His crucifixion. Our worship focuses on the adoration of our crucified Saviour who now reigns together with God the Father and the Holy Spirit.

The opening portion of the liturgy includes no praise.

It proceeds directly to the Prayer of the Day.

Although somber, our service does not end on a note of despair. The closing litany, prayer, and hymn emphasize the triumph and redemption we have through the cross.

Jesus has made complete payment for our sins through His death for us, and through faith in Him alone we are reconciled with our loving God and offered eternal life.

At the end of the service, we depart in silence without the benediction. However, Christ's death is not God's final word. We keep vigil as we prepare to celebrate Christ's resurrection on Sunday morning.

Silence is kept as the people gather. As the Pastor enters all stand for prayer.

Pastor:“For God so loved the world that he gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.”(John 3:16)

Congregation: Amen.

PRAYER OF THE DAY

C: Almighty God, have mercy upon us, your children, for whom our Lord Jesus Christ was willing to be betrayed, and given over to the hands of sinners to suffer death on the cross. He took the penalty for our sins, so that through faith in Him we are forgiven and offered eternal life. We pray for Your grace and mercy in the name of our crucified and risen Saviour, Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.

Hymn 440 “Jesus, I Will Ponder Now”

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CONFESSION AND ABSOLUTION

(Page 184, Lutheran Service Book)

Our Bible Readings:

Old Testament – Isaiah 52:13-53:12

Psalm Reading – Psalm 22, verses 1-18

Epistle Reading – Hebrews 4:14-16, 5:7-9

Gospel Reading – John 19: 1-35

Hymn 449 “O Sacred Head, Now Wounded”

Text: Bernard of Clairvaux 1091 – 1153

Musical arrangement: Johann Sebastian Bach 1685 – 1750

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THE SERMON –

Today we remember a death.

The liturgical colour is black.

The mood is somber, and yet we call this Friday – ‘Good.’

That may leave us with the question, ‘why is it called Good?’

What’s the meaning of this day, and even more to the point, what is the meaning of the crucifixion?

It's Biblical that all human beings who have ever lived are guilty when tested against the Commandments of God’s Law.

When seen by our Holy, perfect Lord, we’re all guilty.

And we’ve been so since the first man and woman, Adam and Eve, disobeyed God and fell into sin.

It’s an inherited condition. And left untreated, it’s fatal – 100 per cent of the time.

Spiritually, eternally fatal.

Because God in His perfection, although all-loving, can’t overlook sin.

God can’t lie and say sin is OK; lying is a human trait.

But the Bible also tells us, repeatedly, that God loves us, and in fact, the Apostle John who authored today’s Gospel text, wrote in 1st John, that “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

It’s been said that the entire story of the Bible can be traced in the shape of the cross.

Because it is the story of the reconciliation of God, with man, through + Jesus Christ.

The cross becomes a bridge that closes that huge divide, the gulf, between a loving, perfect Father, and His fallen children.

And it is mind boggling for us that it was God, Himself, who provided the solution, who brings about the reconciliation.

It was God who reached out to us by coming down to earth and taking on human flesh in the person of Jesus Christ.

In the first Passover, God freed the people of Israel from physical bondage – slavery in Egypt. God told the people to make a sacrifice, to take a lamb without blemish, slaughter it, and put the blood over their doorways so the spirit of death would pass over them.

Many years later, at the time of Passover, Jesus entered the city of Jerusalem triumphantly on Palm Sunday.

The temple priests would have taken young lambs, without blemish, placed their hands on them, and while praying transferred the sins of people to the animal.

Then it would be sacrificed.

The death of the lamb was a symbolic payment for sin.

What the temple priests didn’t realize, was that God’s ultimate sacrifice had just entered the Holy City.

This could never be accomplished by the death of a lamb or goat, but only by a human being, yet one who was without sin.

However, as the Apostle Paul wrote, “all have sinned.”

So, God sent His only Son, to become the sacrifice to end all sacrifices, because He was the one person who kept God’s law perfectly – God’s lamb without blemish – Jesus Christ.

Through the words of the Apostle John today, we find ourselves at the place where that sacrifice for sin happened.

We have an account by the only Apostle we know who was an eyewitness to the crucifixion.

The Roman authors Seneca and Cicero wrote that those who were crucified cursed and screamed loudly, as long as they could.

But with Jesus we hear none of this.

Christ didn’t curse His tormentors, the Roman soldiers, the religious authorities, or those who mocked Him.

Although truly innocent, in agony, and about to die, He says, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”

The suffering Jesus endured that first Good Friday began even before the cross.

There were dozens of deep lashes across Jesus’ back from a flogging.

There was a crown of thorns piercing deep into the skin of his head.

Then spikes were driven through His hands and feet.

And he hung this way on the cross for hours.

But because Jesus experienced this incredible pain, He understands our pain both physical and emotional.

Neither in times of suffering or sadness, does Christ desert us.

We can take comfort that we have a Saviour who understands sorrow, that can empathize because of what He endured – for us.

There are some who will blame the Romans, Pontius Pilate, the Jewish authorities, even Judas himself for Christ’s crucifixion.

But as Martin Luther explained in a sermon some 500 years ago, “never forget that it was your sins that placed the nails there.”

It was our sins that Jesus was atoning for – not His own.

As the prophet Isaiah wrote: “He was pierced for our transgressions, He was wounded for our iniquities, and by His wounds we are healed. (Isaiah 53: 6)

And yet if Jesus hadn’t suffered, if the crucifixion had not taken place, every one of us would have been destined to hell forever, eternally separated from God.

The door between us and Heaven would have been shut.

But God didn’t want that, so He created this glorious exchange – our sins, for Christ’s righteousness.

A once, and for all, exchange.

Jesus had no sooner said "I thirst," and sipped the vinegar offered to Him on the cross, when He said, "It is finished.”

This wasn’t a cry of defeat. It was a shout of triumph.

The battle was over, the victory won – forever.

Sin, death and the devil were defeated because the final payment for sin had been made.

According to some modern thinkers, man is a very fine and noble creature, striving to become better.

He’s to be commended and admired.

Sin is said to be only a sociological condition.

But in the Bible, that’s not the way God sees it.

There, man is a fallen being, with a carnal nature that cannot be reconciled to God by our own efforts.

In Holy Scripture, man behaves in the same way we see in our daily news: war, murder, theft, greed, idolatry.

And these are all a result of the original fall into sin.

It’s behind every broken home, every troubled life, every sorrow and grief.

But Christ loves us, and came to save you, and me, from the penalty of all this.

It is God, who still reaches out to us through the Holy Spirit, with the gift of faith that saves.

Christ continues to come to us in His Word and Sacraments found in His true Church.

And here is the great power of the Gospel, of Christ's Good News.

That we are saved through faith in Him, alone, despite our natures.

We can learn from Jesus that while we’re mighty sinners – He’s an even mightier Saviour.

The Apostle John wrote his Gospel in Greek.

The Greek word for finished in the Bible, "tetelestai,” doesn’t simply mean, “it’s over.”

It was the term used for a business contract successfully completed, and it meant: paid in full.

That’s what Jesus was saying to us about salvation from the cross.

No co-payment is necessary, or possible.

When it comes to redemption, He’s done it all.

The Apostle Paul explained in Ephesians, Chapter 2, verses 8 to 9:

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves – it is the gift of God so that no one can boast.”

Our faith alone in Jesus as Redeemer saves us.

And that is the best news we could ever hear, because we could never do it on our own.

Today, when you look at the cross, I’d ask that you not only see the pain and agony of the crucifixion, but also see God’s love in Christ.

Because God the Father didn’t send Jesus, and Jesus didn’t willing go to the cross out of anger or hatred.

Many people wish that someone in their life would love them unconditionally, would love them so much they would die for them.

The truth is, someone did.

His name is Jesus Christ, Son of God, Saviour.

And so, may the knowledge of God’s love and forgiveness for you, keep your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ, now and forever.

Amen.

A LITANY FOR GOOD FRIDAY

P: Is it nothing to you, all you that pass by? C: Look and see if there is any sorrow like my sorrow. (Lamentations l:12)

P: The Lord says: My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? I led you from slavery to freedom, but you led your Saviour to the cross.

I brought you out of Egypt, but you handed me over to the high priests. C: Holy God, holy and immortal One, have mercy on us.

P: My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? I led you on your way in a pillar of cloud, but you led me to Pilate's court. I bore you up with manna in the desert, but you struck me down and scourged me. C: Holy God, holy and immortal One, have mercy on us.

P: My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? I gave you a royal sceptre, but you gave me a crown of thorns. I raised you to the height of majesty, but you have raised me high on a cross. C: Holy God, holy and immortal One, have mercy on us.

P: My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? I gave you saving water from the rock, but you gave me gall and vinegar to drink. For you I struck down the kings of Canaan, but you pierced your Saviour with a lance. C: Holy God, holy and immortal One, have mercy on us.

P: We adore you, O Christ, and we bless you. C: By Your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

P: If we have died with Him, we shall also live with Him. C: And through faith we shall also reign with Him.

P: We adore you, O Christ, and we bless You. C: By Your holy cross You have redeemed the world.

+ Service of the Sacrament +

P: Blessed are You O Lord, our God, king of the universe, for you have had mercy on us and given Your only-begotten Son that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.

C: We give You thanks Father for the redemption You have prepared for us through Jesus Christ. Grant us Your Holy Spirit that we may faithfully take communion and receive the blessings of forgiveness, life, and salvation that come from the body and blood of Christ.

P: Father, hear us as we pray as Jesus taught us.

LORDS PRAYER

C: Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven; give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the Kingdom, and the power and the glory, forever and ever. Amen.

Preface

P: The Lord be with you.

C: And also with you.

P: Lift up your hearts.

C: We lift them to the Lord.

P: Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.

C: It is right to give Him thanks and praise.

P: It is truly meet, right, and salutary, that we should at all times, and in all places, give thanks to you, O Lord, Holy Father, Almighty and Everlasting God. For in the mystery of the Word made flesh, You have given us a new revelation of Your glory; that seeing You in the Person of Your Son, we may be drawn to the love of those things which are not seen.

The Words of Our Saviour Instituting The Lord`s Supper

P. 197

P: The peace of the Lord be with you always.

C: Amen.

Lamb of God (Agnus Dei)

P: Lamb of God You take away the sin of the world,

C: Have mercy on us.

P: Lamb of God You take away the sin of the world,

C: Have mercy on us.

P: Lamb of God You take away the sin of the world,

C: Grant us peace.

The Distribution

(Our hymn during distribution is 627 “Jesus Christ, Our Blessed Saviour”)

POST-COMMUNION PRAYER

C: Lord Jesus, you carried our sins in Your own body on the cross. You came so that we might have life. May we and all who remember this day find new life in You, now and in the world to come, where You live and reign with the Father and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.

OUR CLOSING HYMN

436 “Go to Dark Gethsemane”

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ontheroadrp · 2 years

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[FC, GENDER, PRONOUNS] ever heard about [CHARACTER NAME]? Out here on the road, they have a reputation of being [TWO POSITIVE TRAITS] but also [TWO NEGATIVE TRAITS], no wonder they’re called [SKELETON YOU’RE APPLYING FOR]. According to local legend, they’re [30+] and when they pull up to camp not a soul can mistake the sound of [ERA ACCURATE SONG] following them. Some say they carry [3-5 ITEMS FROM HOME] and have been traveling with [DESIGNATED POD]. [alias, age, pronouns, timezone]

SUGGESTED FCS: Pedro Pascal, Tony Dalton, Adam Driver

— SO SHUT UP, LIVE, TRAVEL, ADVENTURE, BLESS AND DON'T BE SORRY.

You remember your first scam well. All the neighborhood boys were mowing lawns for coins, but you didn’t have a lawn mower. Instead, you went door to door and negotiated the rates for the other boys, getting them more than they had before– but of course, skimming off the top for yourself. They didn’t need to know that Mr. Jenkins paid extra on account of a story about little Jimmy’s sick mom, or that Mrs. Humphrey always left a tip. That’s business!

The one thing you know for sure is that you’re a good person. Despite what your family thinks, or your hometown for that matter, you know it at your core. It’s not your fault that you were dealt a shit hand and were inventive enough to leave it all behind, and it’s certainly not your fault that there was some collateral damage along the way. That couple in Reno, and the family in Oklahoma City? That wasn’t your fault, just circumstance. The ends justify the means, you always say! Where there’s a will there’s a way!

You were blowing through Texas when you met BONNIE. Immediately, you felt like you’d met your match– someone just as charismatic and cunning as you, and she was real scrappy. When she asked to come along, it was the easiest yes you ever said. Six months later, you asked her to marry you– sure, you love her, but more importantly– spouses can’t testify against each other in a court of law! Sure, she keeps company you aren’t always crazy about, but you know firsthand that this on-the-run lifestyle gets lonely, so you let it be.

INSPIRED BY: Clyde Barrow, Rex Walls

KNOWN AFFILIATES

+THE LONE RANGER: You and BONNIE have always had this kind of open relationship thing going, whether you talk to each other about it or not. Of all the people you’ve seen “openly” behind her back, THE LONE RANGER is by far your favorite. You even think it’s kind of cute when he tries to threaten you to “keep it between us.” Lucky for him, you’re not one to kiss and tell.

-THE GUN BELT: You’ve always had a nose for bacon, so when you met him? You knew he was five-oh real quick. You don’t buy his story about being retired, and you let him know up front. The last thing you need is some cop sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong, so you keep plenty of distance from him and his associates.

CLYDE is currently a TAKEN character.

#clyde #open

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aboveallarescuer · 3 years

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#that happens even when the person isnt trying to argue that shes a mad queen/villain but that she has both 'good' and 'evil' in her#and is meant to fail#(e.g. that meta about how dany is a tragic shakespearean hero; which annoys me more bc it sounds convincing when you don't remember what#happened in the books very well...

Can you talk more about your problems with that essay? I thought that it sounded plausible... I don't want those things to happen to Daenerys, but I don't trust GRRM either.

Anon, thank you for this ask and sorry for the delayed answer. I was already planning to write several posts as a response to the arguments of “Daughter of Death: A Song of Ice and Fire’s Shakespearean Tragic Hero” (which you can read here), but I couldn't find the time or motivation for that lately, so thanks for giving me the opportunity to counter-argue it in a single answer. I tried to be brief by summarizing some of my notes and by linking to a lot of metas instead of repeating all of their points, but the response unfortunately ended up becoming long anyway.

In the context of that essay, Dany is considered a Shakespearean tragic hero because the writer thinks she fits five requirements: 1) Dany’s chapters contain supposedly deliberate references to Shakespearean plays; 2) Dany is “torn by an internal struggle”, namely peace versus violence or companionship versus rulership or home versus the Iron Throne, all of which also drive the external conflicts. Choosing the second options will lead to her demise; 3) prophecies and “influential accidents” - that is, events that “have roots in a character’s motivation”, as well as “the sense of ‘if only this had not happened’” - will “heighten and exaggerate [tragic flaws that] already [exist]” in Dany; 4) Dany will (according to the essayist’s speculations) take actions that produce “exceptional calamity” and her demise will be “her own choice and doing”; 5) Dany “[rose] high in position” and is “an exceptional being”, which sets her apart as a character that fits the mold of the Shakespearean tragedy because her reversal of fortune will highlight “the greatness and piteousness of humanity”.

I would argue that the points that the essayist made to justify how Dany supposedly fits these five requirements are all very skewed.

1) When it comes to requirement 1 (Dany’s chapters contain supposedly deliberate references to Shakespearean plays), the essayist is conveniently cherry-picking (as they often do throughout the meta). Bran Stark wants a dreamless sleep just like Dany: “Sweet, dreamless sleep, Bran thought.” (ACOK Bran I); “That night Bran prayed to his father’s gods for dreamless sleep.” (ACOK Bran II). Indeed, @marinabridgerton argues that that’s most likely tied to the fact that they’re the two characters most heavily associated with prophecies. Even Sansa is said to have a dreamless sleep: “Sometimes her sleep was leaden and dreamless, and she woke from it more tired than when she had closed her eyes” (AGOT Sansa VI). And yet, where are the essays about how these quotes are teaching the readership to interpret Bran’s and Sansa’s characters, storylines and trajectories based on Shakespearean tragedies?

2) When it comes to requirement 2 (Dany is “torn by an internal struggle”, namely peace versus violence or companionship versus rulership or home versus the Iron Throne, all of which also drive the external conflicts. Choosing the second options will lead to her demise), the essayist is right to point out that those dilemmas exist. However, they portray Dany’s struggles in a way that makes it seem that 1) there are “good” options (peace/companionship/home) and “bad” options (violence/rulership/Iron Throne) for Dany to take and that 2) choosing the latter ones will lead to Dany’s downfall. There is a lot to question about these assumptions.

2.1) When it comes to Dany’s conflict between peace versus violence, the essayist takes everything that Adam Feldman’s series of essays “Untangling the Meereenese Knot” says for granted when it shouldn’t be. I’m not going to delve into all the problems/inaccuracies/double standards with those essays. For our purposes here, it’s enough to say that they: 1) dichotomize Dany’s identity into mhysa and mother of dragons to argue that the former represents her desire for peace and the latter her violent impulses; 2) assert that the peace was real; 3) conclude that, by rejecting the peace, the Dany of ASOS is gone and from now on she’s going to be a very different person because she will have chosen to follow her violent impulses.

As already argued before, though, 1) Dany’s character can’t be dichotomized in that way because these facets - mhysa and mother of dragons - actually complement each other (as @yendany made clear in her most recent meta). Because Dany was the mother of dragons, she was able to act as mhysa way before she was hailed as such, which we see, for instance, when she kills the Astapori slave masters to free the Unsullied. Both of these identities manifest Dany’s fierceness when faced with great injustices. This is why, in ADWD, locking her dragon children prevented Dany from properly defending her human children… She needs to integrate both parts of her identity to be able to protect them. But Feldman couldn’t recognize that because 2) he accepts the peace deal that Dany made with the slavers as valid. Doing so would mean, however, ignoring the re-enslavement and suffering of thousands of marginalized people, which GRRM continually emphasizes in Dany's and Tyrion’s final ADWD chapters (read more about this here and here) to hammer home that the peace is false for prioritizing the slavers over them. Finally, 3) Dany is not a violent person nor does she have violent impulses. Feldman decontextualized the moments in which Dany uses violence from the standards of her time and place (read more about this here and here and here and here) to portray them in a more negative light than how they are actually meant to be viewed. Additionally, he conveniently left out all the moments in which Dany chooses to be merciful, from when she spares Yunkai and most of the Meereenese slavers (she didn’t do the same in Astapor because she was outnumbered and needed to protect her retinue) to when she doesn’t punish people who threaten or disrespect her to her face (such an envoy who spits at her face, a boy who tries to attack her, Xaro after he says he wishes he’d killed her), to give a few examples (read more about this in @rainhadaenerys's comprehensive meta). I would argue that Dany’s conflict is less about peace versus violence and more accurately about her tendency to be merciful versus her desire for justice (which, especially in the particular context she finds herself in, is unattainable without violence). In fact, I would go further and say that it’s distasteful to characterize Dany as someone “violent” or with “violent impulses” when, so far, she’s only used violence to a) defend and protect victims of (physical and systemic) violence and/or b) in circumstances in which her actions are no more problematic than those of any other leader of her world. And yet, the essayist portrays them as if they were (“To choose indiscriminate destruction over peace tends toward the evil”).

It’s also convenient that the essayist only talks about fire negatively (“Dany wields unmatched power that can “make or unmake at a word”—Dracarys—villages, armies and kingdoms”, “in the words of Maester Aemon, “Fire consumes.””) when it's also connected to life, rebirth, healing and enlightenment. And dracarys in particular is explicitly associated with freedom by the narrative while Dany frees the Unsullied (her decision, in turn, is associated with her future actions in the War for the Dawn). But acknowledging these things would make it harder to portray Dany as a Shakespearean tragic hero.

2.2) When it comes to Dany’s conflict between companionship and rulership … Again, the dilemma exists, but not in the way that the essayist presents it. What I mean is that they go out of their way to make it seem that Dany’s loneliness was the main factor driving her decisions, such as the liberation of the Unsullied (“She feels for the forced loneliness of the Unsullied, and it is loneliness that convinces her to commit violence in the plaza to free the slaves—just as it is in loneliness she chooses violence amidst the Dothraki Sea.”)... And not, y’know, her compassion and sense of justice (“Why do the gods make kings and queens, if not to protect the ones who can’t protect themselves?”), which are rarely acknowledged in this essay even though it’s arguably the main aspect of Dany's characterization. Why does the essayist do that? Because, since they are arguing that Dany is a tragic hero, they need to present Dany’s loneliness both as the reason why she achieved greatness and as the reason that will lead to her demise when she (supposedly) starts distrusting people, closing herself off and choosing violence (“the moral conviction she feels for her abolitionist crusade is part of the greatness that is also her tragic trait [...] She feels for the forced loneliness of the Unsullied, and it is loneliness that convinces her to commit violence in the plaza to free the slaves—just as it is in loneliness she chooses violence amidst the Dothraki Sea.”). As I said, however, doing so requires downplaying Dany’s compassion, as well as ignoring the fact that she does not close herself off to people in ADWD, nor is there any sign that this was seeded as a serious issue for her in future books (especially considering that her governance is meant to be contrasted with Cersei, the character who actually does close herself off to people. But more on that below when I talk about why Dany doesn’t fit the essayist’s third requirement).

Also, singling out rulership in particular as a reason for Dany to feel alone is conveniently selective (“Returning to Westeros means ruling Westeros - and ruling means loneliness”). All the major characters have reasons to feel lonely and isolated in their society because GRRM chose to focus on the underdogs. Their social standings are already enough to make all of them feel alone. As he said, “Tyrion of course is a dwarf which has its own challenges. Dany is an exile, powerless, penniless, at the mercy of other people, and Jon is a bastard”. You can also throw in Arya for being a young girl struggling to adhere to gender norms and Bran for being a disabled child. And that is just one example… There are a myriad of reasons and situations for various characters to feel lonely and isolated, but the essayist specifically chose to talk about how rulership causes that for Dany. And, considering that the essayist thinks that Dany’s rulership -> growing isolation and loneliness -> her ultimate downfall, it really feels like they’re punishing Dany narratively for acquiring and wielding power. Which leads me to the next point...

2.3) When it comes to Dany’s conflict between home and the Iron Throne, I would argue that that’s not really a conflict. Dany (like any feudal leader) believes she needs to retake the Iron Throne to stay in her homeland just like the Starks believe they need to retake Winterfell to stay in their homeland. Whether Dany finds herself at home in Westeros or not is irrelevant to that fact. And yet, the essayist only presents the former as being in the wrong for fighting for her birthright. However, as it's been already explained before, the Starks’ claim to the North isn’t morally righteous. They only have dominance over the North because, for thousands of years, their ancestors fought against, drove away and killed most of its indigenous population (the Children of the Forest), as well as multiple families who were also vying for control over the region. With that in mind, Dany fighting for her birthright isn’t any more problematic than the Starks enjoying the lands and privileges obtained with conquest and bloodshed, as well as the labor of peasants. One could argue that GRRM may have a double standard against Dany in this case (though it's been argued before that he doesn't intend to present the Iron Throne as a source of greed and evil like how fandom presents it) because of the order of the events and depending on whether he holds Dany accountable for more problems for waging her war than the Starks for having done/doing essentially the same thing, but that’s not what the essayist is doing. Instead, they a) take for granted that Dany is doing the wrong thing for fighting for the Iron Throne ("To delay the call of the North and continue to divide an already weakened realm is to give into dark desires.") and b) center all their speculations about her eventual demise based on that belief.

Ultimately, I would argue that none of these three dilemmas - peace versus violence, companionship versus rulership, home versus the Iron Throne - come with easy answers. When it comes to the first conflict, it’s important that Dany prioritizes the lives of the slaves over the privileges of the masters, but that causes more war and bloodshed. When it comes to the second and the third conflicts, it’s worth noting that the first options (which the essayist presents as the “good” ones) are actually the selfish paths for Dany to take. After all, she would rather live a normal life with a husband (companionship) in the house with the red door (home) - “She would rather have drifted in the fragrant pool all day, eating iced fruit off silver trays and dreaming of a house with a red door, but a queen belongs to her people, not to herself”. But, as the quote shows, instead of choosing these selfish goals, Dany accepts the burden of rulership and the fight for the Iron Throne because of her duty towards her people and ancestors. And, while this path leads to war (either in Meereen or in Westeros, though the former is morally righteous and the latter, while not inherently justified, is not any more problematic than Robb fighting for Northern independence), power is also the means through which Dany can make changes that benefit the common people.

With all that said, it’s ironic that Dany fans are often accused of flattening her character or her choices when it’s actually her detractors or “neutrals” (like the essayist) who do so - they are dead set on portraying Dany’s available options as either “good” or “bad” and on speculating that choosing the latter ones will lead to her downfall, but the text actually gives her conflicts in which all the options have their pros and cons.

The essayist also makes a mistake that isn’t really up to interpretation or difference in opinions. They say that, in AGOT Daenerys III, “after admitting this difficult truth [that Viserys will never take back the Seven Kingdoms], Dany assumes the goal for herself (and at the time, her son)”. That is incorrect. In AGOT Daenerys V, moments before Viserys’s death, Dany says she would have allowed him to have the dragon eggs because “he is my brother … and my true king”. Jorah doesn’t think she should still acknowledge him as such, but she tells him that “he is all I have”. So no, Dany hadn’t assumed the goal for herself at that point, she only took over his campaign in her son's name (not hers) after Viserys's death. But the essayist needs to exaggerate Dany's ambition to justify her demise, since they speculate that “in that hurt and betrayal, all that will be left - she will think - is the crown”.

3) When it comes to requirement 3 (prophecies and “influential accidents” - that is, events that “have roots in a character’s motivation”, as well as “the sense of ‘if only this had not happened’” - will “heighten and exaggerate [tragic flaws that] already [exist]” in Dany), the problem is not in cherry-picking or in double standards against Dany, but rather in the essayist’s lack of knowledge about Dany’s characterization. It’s simply not true that Dany’s distrust of people grows to the point that she closes herself off to them. Instead, I would argue that Dany is actually portrayed as someone with a healthy distrust of people. We know from the books (1, 2, 3, 4) that she finds it unlikely that Barristan, Grey Worm or Missandei would ever betray her, but that she doesn’t think she can rely entirely upon Reznak, the Green Grace, the Shavepate, Hizdahr and Daario. Do Dany’s doubts about these people’s intentions lead her to, as the essayist says, “push people away”? No. Through almost all of ADWD, she (wrongly, though understandably) believes that "until [freedmen and former masters stand together, Meereen will know no peace". Accordingly, Dany is willing to listen to the counsel of all of her advisors (both the ones she trusts and the ones she distrusts) to ensure that she makes informed decisions. To give some examples:

Dany allows “well spoken and gently born” people (i.e., not the typical condition of most former slaves, who are glad that Dany freed them) to sell themselves into slavery and imposes a tax each time men chose to do so like how it happened in Astapor (ASOS Daenerys VI). By making this decision, she agreed with both Missandei and Daario.

Dany employs the Unsullied to ask the Blue Graces if someone showed up with a sword wound and to ask butchers and herdsmen who’s been gelding goats (ADWD Daenerys I). By making this decision, she disagreed with Barristan.

Dany chooses not to punish any noble in response to the murder of Stalwart Shield and only increases the amount of gold for whoever gives information about the Sons of the Harpy (ADWD Daenerys I). By making this decision, she agreed with Reznak and disagreed with the Shavepate.

Dany gives up on banning the tokar and wears it herself (ADWD Daenerys I). By making this decision, she agreed with the Green Grace.

Dany (rightly) refuses to reopen the fighting pits for a while until she later relents in the name of the peace with the Meereenese nobles (ADWD Daenerys I, II, III, VI). By making this decision, she disagreed with Hizdahr, Reznak, the Green Grace and the Shavepate and agreed with Missandei.

Dany delays the choice of a husband until it becomes necessary later (ADWD Daenerys I). By making this decision, she disagreed with Reznak, the Shavepate and the Green Grace.

Dany chooses to pay the shepherds for the animals that they say their dragons ate (ADWD Daenerys I). By making this decision, she disagreed with Reznak.

Dany pays Hazzea’s father the blood price (i.e., one hundred times the worth of a lamb) for her death, lays her bones to rest in the Temple of the Graces and promises to pay for his children each year so they shall not want (ADWD Daenerys II). By making this decision, she disagreed with the Shavepate.

Dany allows the Shavepate to torture the wineseller and his daughters for information about the Sons (ADWD Daenerys II). By making this decision, she agreed with the Shavepate.

Dany imposes a blood tax on the noble families to pay for a new watch led by the Shavepate, takes the gold and the stores of food of any nobleman who wishes to leave the city and keeps two children from each pyramid as hostages instead of letting the nobles go unpunished after nine freedmen were killed by the Sons (ADWD Daenerys II). By making this decision, she agreed with the Shavepate and disagreed with Reznak.

Dany has Barristan and Groleo and his captains and sailors to inspect Xaro’s ships (ADWD Daenerys III). By making this decision, she agreed with Barristan.

Dany chooses not to go to Westeros despite being offered ships to do so (ADWD Daenerys III). By making this decision, she disagreed with Barristan.

Dany doesn’t kill her child hostages despite the Sons’ ongoing attacks (ADWD Daenerys IV). By making this decision, she agreed with the Green Grace and disagreed with the Shavepate.

Dany agrees to marry Hizdahr if he’s able to give her ninety days of peace in Meereen (ADWD Daenerys IV). By making this decision, she agreed with Hizdahr, the Green Grace and Reznak and disagreed with the Shavepate, Barristan, Missandei and Daario.

Dany refuses to gather the masters and kill them indiscriminately (ADWD Daenerys IV). By making this decision, she disagreed with Daario.

Dany doesn’t allow the Shavepate to continue his tortures due to their unreliable results (ADWD Daenerys V). By making this decision, she agreed with Hizdahr and disagreed with the Shavepate.

Dany refuses to use her dragons in battle (ADWD Daenerys V). By making this decision, she agreed with Reznak.

Dany decides not to take the field against Yunkai (ADWD Daenerys V). By making this decision, she agreed with the Shavepate and disagreed with Barristan.

Dany brings the food to the Astapori refugees instead of sending someone else to do it (ADWD Daenerys VI). By making this decision, she disagreed with Reznak, the Shavepate and Barristan.

Dany burns the dead among the Astapori refugees, bathes an old man and shames her men into helping her (ADWD Daenerys VI). By making this decision, she disagreed with Barristan.

Dany refuses to allow Hizdahr’s mother and sisters to inspect her womb and to wash Hizdahr’s feet before he washes hers (ADWD Daeneerys VI). By making this decision, she disagreed with the Green Grace and Reznak.

Dany decides to marry Hizdahr by Ghiscari rites and to wear a white tokar fringed with pearls (ADWD Daenerys VI). By making this decision, she agreed with the Green Grace and Reznak.

Dany allows Hizdahr to reopen the fighting pits (ADWD Daenerys VI). By making this decision, she agreed with Hizdahr, the Green Grace and Reznak.

Dany goes along with a peace agreement with the Yunkish slavers in which she’ll let Yunkai and Astapor reinstall slavery if they leave Meereen intact (ADWD Daenerys VI). By making this decision, she agreed with Hizdahr.

Dany holds court in order to, among other reasons, meet the Westerosi men that came over from the Windblown (ADWD Daenerys VII). By making this decision, she agreed with Daario.

Dany doesn’t accept Quentyn’s marriage proposal because she doesn’t want to abandon her people (ADWD Daenerys VII). By making this decision, she disagreed with Barristan.

Dany doesn’t ride a horse in a tokar to meet Hizdahr (ADWD Daenerys VII). By making this decision, she agreed with Missandei.

Dany decides not to sound out the Company of the Cats (even though she wanted to) because Barristan says he's untrustworthy (ADWD Daenerys VIII). By making this decision, she agreed with Barristan.

Dany attends the reopening of the pits (ADWD Daenerys IX). By making this decision, she disagreed with Missandei.

Dany allows the Brazen Beasts to guard her because she wants to show that she trusts them so that her people can trust them as well (ADWD Daenerys IX). By making this decision, she disagreed with Barristan.

Dany prevents Tyrion and Penny from fighting against lions with wooden swords. By making this decision, she disagreed with Hizdahr.

I didn’t include all of Dany’s decisions because she makes many of them on her own and/or without someone explicitly supporting them or opposing them (in fact, many of the ones above were made without any advisor giving her their feedback, but I listed them if they’re seen agreeing or disagreeing with her onpage anyway). That being said, note that Reznak is the one that Dany is most suspicious of (because he perfectly fits the description of one of the treasoners), but that five of her decisions follow his recommendations, in contrast to Barristan (the knight who she actually trusts and who keeps all her secrets) only having his advice followed twice. Also note that Dany “trusted Skahaz more than she trusted Hizdahr”, but she agreed with the former three times and disagreed with him eight times, in contrast to having agreed with the latter four times and disagreed with him twice. The list clearly shows that Dany listens to everyone’s feedback (including from people she distrusts), considers it carefully, makes her own decisions and handles dissent extremely well. Her actions reflect her own words (“A queen must listen to all. [...] One voice may speak you false, but in many there is always truth to be found”, “It seems to me that a queen who trusts no one is as foolish as a queen who trusts everyone”).

There is, however, one character who is seen only listening to people who agree with her and who distrusts and closes herself off to almost everyone - Cersei Lannister. And it’s especially worth noting that Cersei is meant to be “directly contrasted” with Dany, that the author was “doing point and counterpoint” with them and that each of them is meant to show “a different approach to how a woman would rule in a male dominated, medieval-inspired fantasy world”. In other words, Dany and Cersei are narrative foils, but Cersei’s traits are being transferred to Dany in this essay.

Also, I could just as easily create an entire narrative about how Sansa will end up closing herself off to people based on what we see on canon. She thought she could trust Joffrey, but she ultimately couldn’t. She thought she could trust Cersei, but she ultimately couldn’t. She trusted Sandor, but he left her. She tried to trust the Tyrells, but they ultimately disposed of her after she was no longer necessary. She tried to rely on Dontos, but he was a disappointment and was ultimately murdered. She doesn’t trust Littlefinger, but she needs to stick to his side because she has no better option. She considered telling the Vale lords her identity, but she doesn’t trust them. All of this feeds into Sansa’s distrust of others and will lead to tragic consequences. Indeed, as Sansa herself says, "In life, the monsters win". I bet that the essayist would find this whole speculation biased considering that they favor Sansa's character. But then, why is only Dany singled out as the one who is going to meet her demise even though it’s made clear that she continues to trust people through and through?

The essayist needs to say that Dany starts distrusting people to an unhealthy degree (“As Dany gains more power, [...] her focus on the treasons causes her to push people away, widening the gap between rulership and companionship”; ”The more power she gains, the greater her isolation and likely her fear of betrayal. The fear of betrayal is, of course, human. But GRRM has stated that he likes to turn dramatic situations up to 11, which is necessary to create the Shakespearean tragic hero. Dany’s fear must be larger than life.”), as well as to judge her campaign to take back the Seven Kingdoms based on double standards (“Dany’s great sin within the story’s moral order will have been focusing on the war for Westeros against Aegon VI before she turns to the enemy of the North”) compared to the Starks. If they didn’t do so, there wouldn’t be a reason to justify Dany’s demise. If they didn’t do so, the entire speculation that she’s a Shakespearean tragic hero falls apart. But saying that something is true doesn’t necessarily make it true, you need to provide the textual evidence (which they barely do … They assume that the reader will take almost everything they say for granted. After all, since there’s a prophecy foretelling that Dany will be betrayed three times, of course she’s going to distrust people way too much from now on).

There’s also another aspect of Dany’s relationship with prophecies that the essayist portrays inaccurately. They say that “the effect of this prophecy on Daenerys is multifaceted” for “[promising] greatness” (which, along with the also inaccurate statement that “part of Dany’s pursuit of the Iron Throne is born from a sense of destiny”, implies that Dany wants to be great or that she thinks of herself as great, none of which are true) and pushing her “further from the people who surround her”. I already questioned the latter statement, and the former is inaccurate too. After all, Dany has doubts that there are men in Westeros waiting for the Targaryens to return. The birth of the dragons has to do with the fact that Dany was able to put two and two together with clues from dragon dreams and Mirri's words, not because she thinks she's exceptional. Dany is not really sure that the red comet was meant for her. She followed its direction because the other paths weren't reliable and, even in Qarth, she's unsure that it was meant to guide her to success. Then she never thinks about it again. I'd expect otherwise from someone who thinks they're exceptional. Dany is surprised when told by Quaithe that she's the reason why magic is increasing in the world and never thinks or brags about it after their interaction. I'd expect otherwise from someone who thinks they're exceptional. Dany doesn't think she won any victories in the House of the Undying, she credits Drogon for burning the Undying Ones. She only allows Jhiqui to add a bell to the end of her braid because "the Dothraki would esteem her all the more for a few bells in her hair". Dany refuses to sit on the throne inside the Great Pyramid's audience chamber and chooses to sit on a simple ebony bench that the Meereenese think does "not befit a queen". Dany refuses the offer to have a statue in her image to replace the bronze harpy in the Plaza of Purification. I'd expect otherwise from someone who thinks they're exceptional. Dany is highly self-critical and, later in ADWD, thinks that she "was as clean as she was ever going to be" after taking a bath because she holds herself accountable for the upcoming slaughter in the opening of the fighting pits. I'd expect different from someone that thinks they're exceptional. Dany doesn’t think that the people who came to the reopening of the pits wanted to see her - “it was my floppy ears they cheered, not me”. I'd expect different from someone that thinks they're exceptional. Most of Dany's titles (the Unburnt, Mother of Dragons, Mhysa, Azor Ahai, etc) are given to her by other people, they're not self-proclaimed (not that there's a problem if they were, I'm only saying it to reiterate that Dany doesn't think she's exceptional). The ones that she assumes on her own are the ones that anyone who believes in birthright (i.e., everyone in her time and place, regardless of family, regardless of whether they're Targaryens) would assume.

4) When it comes to requirement 4 (Dany will (according to the essayist’s speculations) take actions that produce “exceptional calamity” and her demise will be “her own choice and doing”) … Well, we now enter the realm of speculation. It’s not impossible that Dany “will feel like a villain to the Westerosi, as she burns their villages and crops ahead of a hard winter” in the future. The problem here, once again, is in the double standards. Look at the way the essayist describes the likely reascendance of the Starks in the upcoming books - “With the death of “good” characters like Ned, the injury of innocents and moments such as the Red Wedding, ASOIAF as a story is not concerned with justice. But as the story progresses, we see that the way Ned ruled his people and raised his children contrasts with characters like Tywin and his methods. Much of the North seems to continue to rally behind the idea of the Starks, some with less “honorable” methods than others, while Tywin’s legacy begins to fall apart. Like in Shakespeare’s tragic world, there appears to be an order that arcs towards a higher idea of goodness that instills a dramatic satisfaction”. Like I said above when I questioned requirement 2, the Starks’ claim to the North is no more justified than Dany’s to the Seven Kingdoms. They have the advantage of having had their rule normalized throughout the thousands of years they ruled the North, but it doesn’t change the fact that, because they’re feudal lords, they still maintain a system rigged in favor of the nobles that promotes social inequality and extreme lack of social mobility. It doesn’t change the fact that there's no righteous form of feudalism. But only Dany is criticized in that sense by the essayist - “By nature, power breeds inequality, when one party has the ability to decide the fate of another. That inequality creates distance. As a queen Dany wields absolute power over the rest of her subjects and her court”. Which is pretty infuriating not only because the Starks are also morally grey in the sense that the essayist describes, but also because GRRM specifically mentioned that Daenerys is the ruler "who wants equality for everyone, she wants to be at the same level as her people". Additionally, if Ned left a legacy that motivated his people to fight against his enemies, so did Dany with the former slaves. But the essayist needs to ignore all of that to paint Dany as a Shakespearean tragic hero.

Even if we don’t take into account what TWOIAF reveals about the Starks’ ancestors, the main story itself often paints House Stark’s actions in a negative light. We see a peasant spitting at the mention of the Starks and saying that things were better with King Aerys II in power. We're told that Northmen looking for Jaime on Edmure’s orders burned a village called Sallydance and were guilty of rape and murder. It’s no wonder that the High Sparrow mentions the wolves along with the lions as threats to the septas. Also, thousands of soldiers died indirectly because of Robb’s decisions, as well as lots of people who remained north and became vulnerable to raping and pillaging due to his inability to hold Winterfell. And finally, when winter comes, the smallfolk will be affected by the actions of the northmen, who (like Dany might do in the future) already helped to disrupt the harvest and to leave the continent short on food. And yet, why is their future success framed as “an order that arcs towards a higher idea of goodness”? Why is Dany the only one who is said to be “giv[ing] into dark desires” by “divid[ing] an already weakened realm” when the Starks (framed as the heroes in the essay) did the same thing? This double standard gets infuriating when one remembers that Dany is the one fighting a war in the name of the disenfranchised (even though she is not connected to them by blood or lands or oath of fealty and doesn’t gain anything by helping them), while the Starks are (and will be, if they want to retake Winterfell) fighting a war because of personal injury (which, sympathetic as it may be, doesn’t justify the damage that they caused to the smallfolk). It gets even more infuriating when, as @rakharo pointed out to me, one remembers that, while Dany is trying to right the wrongs of the Valyrians by ending slavery in Slaver’s Bay, none of the Starks have acknowledged, much less tried to make amends for injustices perpetrated by the First Men against the Children of the Forest. It gets even more infuriating when one remembers that Aegon the Conqueror united Westeros in preparation for the War for the Dawn (something that GRRM himself confirmed), while the Starks’ ancestors conquered the North solely because of their greed. That's why Dany’s story can’t be effective as a tragedy: she’d be punished for starting to do what everyone else was doing after doing more than almost everyone else was doing.

5) When it comes to requirement 5 (Dany “[rose] high in position” and is “an exceptional being”, which sets her apart as a character that fits the mold of the Shakespearean tragedy because her reversal of fortune will highlight “the greatness and piteousness of humanity”), again, we’re in the realm of speculation. But there are some things to question as well. First, the essayist validates the criticisms that Dany “too easily ascends to a position of power” by using them as proof that she’s a tragic character. But that’s not really true, which becomes clear with a few comparisons: the Starks lost their father, mother and older brother throughout the story because of the Lannisters, which Dany also did; but her losses go beyond them: she also lost another brother, her first husband and her first child. The Starks had their direwolves given to them, Dany had to use her intuition and then literally walk into a fire to birth her dragons. Aegon the Conqueror used dragons to take Westeros, Dany conquered three cities without barely using hers. Jon Snow’s conflict in ADWD involves conciliating the Free Folk and the Night’s Watch after he makes decisions favoring the former group, while Dany’s involves conciliating the freedmen and the slavers after she makes decisions favoring the former group, which has a worldwide impact; Jon’s conflict has relatively low stakes (because it hasn’t involved the Others so far), Dany’s conflict leads to “half the world” wanting her dead. As these examples show, Dany suffered more losses than the Starks. Dany had to do a lot more than the Starks to find her animal companions. Dany became a conqueror primarily because of her military strategies and resourcefulness without relying on dragonfire like her ancestor. Dany faced greater opposition than her male counterpart Jon so far. As we can see, gaining power and retaining it has not been easy for Dany at all. Every single one of her accomplishments has been earned. But it sure is interesting that Dany’s supposed future tragedies must stem from her actions, but that her victories aren’t given the proper credit and acknowledged as being a result of what she also did as well.

And then the essayist declares something even more inaccurate: that Dany “overcame each obstacle that came her way” and that “Robb and Jon paid for their mistakes while Dany did not” (which, to the essayist, is evidence that “Dany’s fall is meant to stand in contrast as something grander than just one slip-up”).

First of all, Dany clearly did not overcome every obstacle that came her way. Saying so means ignoring all of her ADWD storyline (and it’s funny how Dany's detractors go from saying that she’s overpowered and hasn’t suffered consequences to accusing her of being a bad ruler precisely because she dealt with the negative consequences of her choices, lol). To recap, Dany had an indirect part in the wars outside Meereen because she left the Yunkish slavers’ wealth intact, which leads to terrible consequences - multiple city-states and sellsword companies joining forces against her, Astapor’s fall, the pale mare’s outbreak, the emergence of refugees from Astapor outside her city and the upcoming Battle of Fire. Dany had an indirect role in the wars inside Meereen because she left most of the Meereenese slavers alive with most of their wealth intact, which leads to terrible consequences - the Sons of the Harpy’s attacks and dozens of freedmen’s deaths. Additionally, Dany had an indirect role in Hazzea’s death because Drogon was allowed to roam freely and she had no way to train him or her brothers. All these problems culminate in Dany agreeing with a peace deal that, as already explained here, was inherently unjust for prioritizing the slavers over the freedmen. Dany had to learn that, as much as she wants peace and to plant trees, there are situations in which she can’t be merciful because violence really is the only way to achieve justice for the disenfranchised. (On the flip side, that’s one of the reasons why I’m critical of the theory that Dany accidentally burns King’s Landing. When she was merciful, as I just listed, great tragedies occurred (which is fine, it was a realistic exploration of what happens when you abolish slavery and try to do good). When she used fire and blood, great tragedies will occur too? Even though she would be acting just like the Starks or any other feudal lord by fighting for her birthright? The theory narratively punishes Dany in a way that it doesn't do with the Starks, which is why it's no wonder that it was created by someone with Stark/Stannis biases. Additionally, it validates the common belief that Dany is only meant to be a wartime queen, even though she’s already showed that she’s a good peacetime ruler.)

Second, is dying the only way to pay for one’s mistakes (considering that only Robb and Jon are listed as examples of characters who did)? I don’t think so. Consider Sansa. Didn’t she pay for the mistake of going to Cersei to tell her of Ned’s plan? I would say she did. I would say the author agrees - “Sansa was the least sympathetic of the Starks in the first book; she has become more sympathetic, partly because she comes to accept responsibility for her part in her father's death”. Similarly, Dany had to accept her indirect responsibility for the tragedies that I just listed (Hazzea, forgive me; No marriage would ever bring them back to life, but if a husband could help end the slaughter, then she owed it to her dead to marry.; “I should’ve gone to Astapor. [...] I am the queen. It was my place to know.”; “What kind of mother has no milk to feed her children?”). I would argue that Dany and Sansa both paid for her mistakes, which were acknowledged, made them suffer and influenced their character developments. But the essayist needs to say that Dany didn’t pay for them (or that she had an easy rise to power) to help to paint her as a Shakespearean tragic hero.

6) Now that the essayist’s five requirements have all been questioned, I would also like to mention positive prophecies and speculations related to Dany that are never brought up in this essay.

First, Dany is AA/PTWP/SWMTW. That was heavily foreshadowed (read more about it here) and built up to and, if it doesn’t happen, it frankly would be bad writing. After all, haven’t readers praised GRRM for the foreshadowing of Ned’s death (e.g., a stag having killed the mother direwolf in the beginning of AGOT)? Haven’t readers praised GRRM for the foreshadowing of the Red Wedding (which we see from Tyrion’s to Theon’s to Dany’s chapters)? And yet, the essayist thinks that Dany’s death will cause “the forces [to] become more even, making victory less sure, or the Others surpass the side of the living in strength” and that “the White Walkers gain Drogon, becoming one-on-one but with the White Walkers having the larger dragon.”

Second, Dany and Bran both have dreams in AGOT leading up to their magical awakening. Bran needs to fly to escape from the “cold” of the darkness below, while Dany needs to run from the “icy breath behind”. Both of these dreams culminate with Bran and Dany learning to fly and accepting their magical destinies, which will be important in the War for the Dawn. And yet, the essayist thinks that “by understanding that the concept of warmth is tied to companionship, we can understand that the cold, “icy breath” must represent the opposite: loneliness” to justify Dany’s demise. Instead, it's clear (especially considering the parallels with Bran) that "icy breath" is an allusion to the Others. But they can't acknowledge that Dany will have a crucial role in the War for the Dawn, otherwise their entire speculation falls apart.

Third, Quaithe was presented as the third of the three Qartheen envoys (after Pyat Pree and Xaro) that came to find Dany in Vaes Tolorro, which heavily implies that she breaks the norm and is the one person that Dany can trust. And yet, the essayist takes for granted that Quaithe’s “narrative connection to betrayal is already established”.

Fourth, Dany might as well be the prophesied betrayer, not the one who’s betrayed by three people (after all, she’s already been betrayed by more than three people - Jorah, Mirri, Pyat Pree, Xaro, Brown Ben, the person that gave her the poisoned locusts, etc). It would fit with the pattern of Dany being an active participant in the prophecies rather than a passive one (e.g. Dany is AA/PTWP, not the one who gives birth to the AA/PTWP or the one who dies as a sacrifice to AA/PTWP) even though, at first, the readership is expected to think otherwise. And yet, the essayist takes for granted that Dany will be betrayed because otherwise their entire speculation falls apart.

Fifth, Dany is foreshadowed to have a positive relationship with Jon because “the blue flower” from the “wall of ice” filled the air with “sweetness”. And yet, the essayist needs to say that Dany "[will push] Jon away [...] from fear of betrayal and hurt” and from worries that he might be a “usurper” (nevermind that they are mischaracterizing Dany as someone overfocused on retaking the Iron Throne and who closes herself off due to prophecies, none of which are not true, as I already showed above) because otherwise their entire speculation falls apart.

7) Finally, I would also like to ask: what’s the point of giving Dany a storyline like this? Not only because it would be unearned due to the double standards and the changes that would have to occur in her characterization, but also because Dany has a special place in the narrative. She is 1) one of the two women (along with Asha) claiming power in her own right and the only one that we actually got to see rule, 2) one of three Chosen Ones (along with Bran and Jon) and the only female one, 3) one of two POV revolutionaries (along with Jon) and the only female one (and the one whose storyline arguably has the most political messages since she’s fighting against human slavery), 4) one of two POV female rulers (along with Cersei) and the only one who’s been depicted as competent (because she subverts the Good Princess Evil Queen dichotomy), 5) one of two Targaryen conquerors (three, if Young Griff does indeed take Westeros) and the only female one - “Aegon the Conqueror with teats”, 6) the only major mother who isn’t sure to be doomed and/or hasn’t gone mad, 7) one of two Targaryen queens regnant (along with Rhaenyra) and the only remaining Targaryen woman who gets to have power after a long line of Targaryen women - Rhaenyra herself, but also Rhaena, Aerea, Rhaella, Daenerys (Alysanne’s daughter), Rhaenys the Queen Who Never Was, Baela, Rhaena of Pentos, Daena - who were disempowered. GRRM already has a terrible history with female leaders in particular. If he causes the downfall of another one (especially one who is also one of the five main protagonists) for such unearned reasons like the ones that the essayist laid out, there would also be sexist implications. It would make the only she-king that we saw wielding power onpage overly defined by violence and destruction in a way kings don't have to be depending on their actions, it makes the only competent POV female ruler look incompetent in comparison to the other POV male rulers and it makes her conquest a disaster while the other male Targaryen conqueror (two, if Young Griff takes Westeros) gets to succeed. And yet, death by childbirth is the only speculation that the essayist calls out as problematic (“death by childbirth is a uniquely biologically female phenomenon and would be punishing Daenerys for her sexuality”).

8) What I find insidious about essays like this one is that they pretend to be unbiased (I do not argue for the death of Daenerys as a judgement on her ethical/moral goodness as a character nor of the world she inhabits. I argue it on the strength of her characterization and story, that she should be able to encompass such intensity and greatness as to be considered as complex as all these other single-name headliners in literature.) even though they really aren't. To recap, the essayist portrays Dany as someone with "violent" impulses even though she's a merciful person in general, accepts the peace deal with the slavers as valid even though it prioritizes the slavers' privileges over the lives of marginalized people, only talks about the negative connotations of fire, downplays Dany's compassion and sense of justice, argues that Dany is losing her ability to trust others even though she isn't, says that Dany is negatively affected by promises of greatness even though she isn't, argues that Dany had an easy rise to power and didn't pay for her mistakes even though she did, paints Dany's campaign to take the Iron Throne in a negative light without doing the same with the Starks having dominance over the North and ignores Dany's foreshadowing as AA/PTWP, as well as her special place in the narrative. So it’s not that Dany stans are unable to accept Dany’s mistakes and flaws, it’s that people who dislike her can’t understand her characterization or acknowledge the double standards against her or accept her particular place in the story. At the end of the day, an essay like this one is no better than jonsa metas mindlessly hating on Dany because, just like them, as @semperty and @niniane17 made clear, it also creates speculations with the intent of making Dany self-destruct and become irrelevant to pave the way for their preferred characters. The only difference is that it's more successful at appearing "neutral" to someone who doesn't remember what happened in the books very well, especially because Dany has become a polarizing character for a variety of reasons and it's easy to buy into the Appeal to Moderation fallacy.

Also, as I said before, the fact that these Twitter 'neutrals' all misunderstand Dany's characterization, downplay her struggles and judge her by different standards actually makes me somewhat hopeful that she's getting a better ending, because how can their speculations come true if they don't know Dany at all? But then, it's hard to trust GRRM.

#daenerys targaryen #asoiaf meta #answered

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minor-solemnity · 3 years

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What's your favorite character from the golden trio era?

Oooh idk possibly this is an unpopular opinion - at least it was when I was like, properly in the fandom rather than where I am now which is firmly on the sidelines with my hands over my ears and ignoring everything that I don't like - but Cho Chang. This is probably in part because she got so much undeserved hatred (thank u fandom and author racism) and I am predisposed to like characters that people don't like.

I find her character so heartbreakingly real in a way that I think is entirely accidental on JKR's part. I don't think JK can write women. (Plz don't hate me for that, but like, it's true.) Everything interesting about the characters we are meant to like gets sanded down and ignored in the later books - Hermione's whole thing is like, book smart but not emotionally intelligent, she wants to be right and have people know she's right more than she cares about their feelings. She thinks rules are important until they apply to her. She is ruthless and vindictive and petty. These are interesting character traits that just get completely dropped in the later books. By the time book 6 ends and book 7 starts Hermione is 'wife' and 'mother' and it's kinda sad.

I digress.

Cho's boyfriend is murdered. Cho is understandably upset and heartbroken and sad af. She tries to find comfort in Harry because Harry was there, Harry must understand. Harry can help her process. Their ways of dealing with trauma are completely opposite to each other. Cho seeks emotional vulnerability and closeness from the boy who, of all people, will understand. Harry's way of processing trauma is to ignore it. It happened, it sucks, I will never speak of it again (until all my unprocessed emotions come spilling out and I end up lashing out and getting angry). Those two ways of dealing with trauma are not going to work well together. Harry is honestly a dick towards her - she's his fantasy. She's not a real person to him. When that fantasy comes crashing down he behaves pretty awfully towards her. And if you're reading critically, you come away thinking yeah, Cho's a whiny crybaby who doesn't get Harry at all. What a bitch. When in reality, it's more like - Cho is seriously fucked up and is trying to come to terms with her grief and seek comfort in someone who she thought would get it.

Imagine being like, 16 and being isolated and sad and so fundamentally misunderstood. Imagine being 18 and your friends are dead and the boy you liked is still dead and the other boy you thought you might like is a hero and the only thing you're really known for is the mess that is your grief. Imagine that the popular consensus is that your grief is something to be ridiculed.

I tend to pick and chose which parts of the extended canon I believe in, but I believe in Cho moving to America and getting hitched to an American muggle dude. (Moving to America is probably my own headcanon actually). What would motivate her to move across the world? Grief? Wonderlust? Anger? I imagine it's all three. Idk if this is a relatable feeling to a lot of people, but I get it. I have a constant itch under my skin that tells me to move on whenever a place starts to feel too much like home. To leave. To escape. Nowhere feels like home because home is a collection of broken things. It's a hall of funhouse mirrors - the wires in your brain get mixed up. Comfort and safety become synonymous with 'i will fuck this up' and 'i don't deserve this' and 'everyone will leave'.

I want so many things for Cho. I want her name to make sense. I want her to be seen as something other than 'pretty' and 'sad'. I want her in Boston slamming Sam Adams by Sam Adams grave because she finds it funny. I want her in Boston, learning to drive a car (stick-shift because the driving instructor had made a comment about how automatics are easier to learn and she is tired of people seeing her as something weak and unable). I want her road-raging and I want her to drive across the country because why the fuck not. I want her in New York and the city is so frantic and no one looks at her and she feels so small and the lights are so bright and she thinks maybe she could disappear here and no one would ever know. I want her to find a group of women rollerskating and maybe they invite her to their roller derby group. It isn't flying, but it's fast and aggressive and she's never allowed herself to be aggressive like this before. She's not allowed herself to be angry like this before. No one else has allowed her to be angry like this before.

I want her to go to California and to go to Angel Island and I want her to understand that there have been people like her before. That she is not alone in this feeling. I want her to meet a dude who's studying for an MBA - he doesn't know who she is. Doesn't know what she is. She's just this cute girl who drinks Sam Adams even tho that's a Boston thing and they're in San Diego. He's probably a frat boy. I want him to be a frat boy who takes his degree too seriously and wakes up at like 5 because he's also a gym rat. He takes her to his boxing class. She probably cries during and hey that's okay - she has a lot of shit to work through, he can tell. He doesn't ask about it. Just says her accent is cute. Maybe she starts taking night classes, maybe she doesn't. She's weirdly technologically illiterate - she sends him postcards even though they live in the same city. She says its because her school didn't let them have phones. She's never seen a Tarintino film and that's just like... not cool. They watch True Romance on his shitty box TV in his room in his frat house and she laughs (she laughs like the violence is cathartic) when Alabama completely destroys Virgil. He looks at her and she shrugs and says 'I get it.'

She says that's she's leaving soon - doesn't know where. Probably isn't coming back and again that's... not cool. She's weird about some stuff. Won't talk about home - won't say where she's from. He should be fine with it because like, it's not as if this is anything serious and his life is pretty clearly planned out. Get an MBA, work in some start-up tech company - the internet is a thing now and god, there's money to be made. He thinks maybe that she should like, stay but she also seems like the kind of person who doesn't know how to stop running. And look, he's doing an MBA. He rushed his frat. He goes to boxing every morning without fail. He's determined. He's not good at letting the things he wants go. But he lets her go because she doesn't want to stay. One night afterwards, his frat bro says, philosophical because they're crossfaded, that maybe she can't stay. Maybe she won't let herself stay. And that... That sounds about right.

So he waits. He waits and he gets postcards with no return address - in Seattle, she tries ice hockey. In Miami, she tries surfing. He almost gets on a plane to Cincinnati because she got into a fight with some dude who made his girlfriend cry in public. Apparently, she knocked him out with a punch just the way he showed her to. It feels weirdly romantic.

I want her to write a postcard to him when she's sitting in a bar in Las Vegas and I want her to include a return address. I want him on the first flight out, because fuck his classes? She included a return address. He asks her if she's ever going to go home and she looks at him and says, 'What? To San Diego?'

#cho chang #meta #oh god i wrote meta #this isn't even meta tbh - this is basically a fic #this very much got away from me #can u tell i have feelings about women being angry?#grief and anger taste the same #harry potter #asks #anon #she speaks

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slytherinsnekxvii · 4 years

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let's talk about lily evans. she's an interesting character—or rather, the case surrounding her character is quite interesting.

i honestly don't know if i can say i dislike her. by all means, she should be a fan favourite, and she is... but for some rather intriguing reasons.

for one thing, due to the fact she's hardly expanded on in the series, certain parts of the fandom have been forced to either take the few qualities that she displays canonically and amplify them to the extreme (eg. immediate righteous anger at the slightest hint of injustice in fic) or create an entirely new personality (eg. no, i didn't actually disapprove of your pranks, it was just sexual tension). of course, the option of creating a new personality is much more tempting when you can just add amplified canon traits on the side.

for another, her relationship with james sometimes seems likes it's being weaponized against snape and his fans. i've seen arguments that go like "haha, snape just wanted to fuck lily, but james got her in the end anyway, sucks to be you", and not only does it entirely reduce her to an object, it feels like they don't even care about the relationship, the dynamics or the characters. she's basically a plot device.

and thirdly, half of her characterisation in fic is to be a peter stand-in. we don't like the rat man, so let's take the pretty girl and put her in place of the guy who was canonically a member of the marauders, even up until he was named secret keeper. suddenly, she's a prankster and an enabler.

but, snek, you may say, all of that is fanon lily, tho. you just explained that people seem to like her because they just put any personality they want into her as long as she's at least vaguely a good person. you would be right.

let's look at canon lily. she's described as the brightest witch of her age, most everyone speaks favourably of her. in fact, the only people we see actively disliking/being upset with her are petunia, out of jealousy and the invasion of privacy concerning her letter, severus, who lashed out and used a slur that also applied to him in a moment of serious distress and apologised after, and well, pureblood supremacists by virtue of her being muggleborn. interestingly enough, even this dislike manages to develop everyone's character more than it does her own.

as a teenage girl myself, let's look at her actions as a teenage girl. not necessarily in chronological order because I'm writing this at 2am and my memory is already mediocre at best.

1. she's done well enough in school to be considered trustworthy and responsible enough to be a prefect.

okay, i can respect that. a good few of the prefects at my school were really just appointed based on how much the teachers liked you, but at hogwarts, there's so few of them that they must put at least a little effort into it, so i'll move on.

2. she does not press for details when informed that her best friend's life needed to be saved by someone who has been publicly tormenting him for years

now, see, there's no reason why she needs to play therapist. it's not her job, she's just a girl, and we know that snape wasn't supposed to talk about the incident, so he would've been stuck if she had asked for an explanation. however, i also feel like she doesn't seem particularly concerned about his wellbeing, and when he brings up his concerns about lupin, rather than ask for proof, she dismisses it. which, fair enough, i would hate to listen to someone talk about the same thing over and over and over, but, i also feel like the fixation on a theory like that would be cause for concern.

3. she dismisses the actions of a group known to play tricks that harm people and have specifically been tormenting her best friend on the basis that they don't use dark magic

first, i'm going to establish what i usually assume dark magic refers to. aside from jinxes, hexes and curses, i also include anything that produces an effect similar to any of the unforgivables (takes away your life, your free will or your ability to feel safe in your own body, such as when you're in excruciating pain), and magic that would require a sacrifice of some sort.

when snape tries to point out the danger in what the marauders do, she insists that they don't use dark magic. and they don't... but they do use illegal magic. she then argues against the company that snape keeps, which, again, to be fair, is justified considering mulciber's done something to mary macdonald... it's also not a particularly realistic ask. snape probably shares a dorm with these guys, and he's a poor half-blood so he's already on the outs. as far as he knows, any dissent will be met with him getting hexed in his sleep. but, i digress.

given that the marauders have been shown to be doing extremely dangerous with little regards to anyone's safety, and actively tormenting her best friend, i disagree with her choice here. on the other hand, she's made her own friends in gryffindor and perhaps she sees a nicer side of them that we don't get to. she's justified in her actions, but i still disagree.

4. she intervenes when her best friend is hung upside down by a spell of his own invention at the wands of the people who have tormenting him for years

she does object to the marauders' treatment of him, and she does try to get them to let him down. if i were in her position, i would absolutely do the same. i respect the decision to stand up for her friend.

5. she does not seriously attempt to help him or punish the marauders

i do not respect how she handled it. at any point, she could have drawn her wand. but, snek, you say, perhaps she didn't want to get involved physically. she wanted to follow the rules. in that case, at any point, she could taken points, assigned detention, or sent someone to get a member of staff. she does none of those things and i viscerally disagree. if we were ever friends and someone tried to hurt you, i can assure you that i would try to at least see to it that they'd be punished, even if it wasn't immediate or by my own hand. lily, however, chooses to argue rather than take action.

6. she smiles when severus gets hung upside down

chances are, it was more than likely an involuntary reaction, like laughing when your friend has fallen over. however, the fact that it was intentionally written in seems like it's mean to be an indicator that the friendship was already falling apart.

7. she comments on her best friend's poverty and uses a name that's been used to make fun of him after he calls her a slur that also applies to him

she was 100% within her rights to be upset by being called a slur. it is never okay to use slurs. the only situation in which a slur could possibly ever be appropriate would be if you were an oppressed group attempting to reclaim said slur which is not at all what snape was doing here. he was experiencing cruelty, being humiliated, publicly, for no reason beyond existing and he was in distress, choking on soap and upside down. it was damaging to his pride, especially when james suggests that he needs lily to fight his battles for him (paraphrasing) which is an emasculating statement to make, especially to a teenage boy. so, snape lashes out with the most hurtful word he could think of, which happened to be a slur that also applies to him. lily was 100% justified in being upset about this, and she retaliated in kind. she was very much allowed to say what she said. i understand that she was hurt and angry and i respect that, especially as i can't guarantee that i would not have been just as upset in that situation.

8. even when the threat of sexual harassment is made, she still does nothing

i get it, at this point, she's hurt, she's mad, she wants him to suffer since she's a teenage girl and teenage girls hold grudges like it's nobody's business, but... i definitely couldn't just stand by and watch it happen. she basically just let them go through with it.

9. she does not accept her best friend's apology for calling her a slur that also applies to him, effectively burying the friendship

she is, by no means, obligated to continue being friends with him. however, if i were in that position, and the apology was sincere, i would take the friend back.

10. she goes on to date and eventually marry the guy who bullied her former best friend for his entire school life

no. i disagree. but, snek, you say, james changed. no. he didn't. we know, that at this point, james was still going after snape behind lily's back. you can say that she didn't know, but that means that she would have allowed james to lie to her and that doesn't sit right with me bc a relationship built on lies is a relationship that is going to fall apart, especially when your partner has been disappointed by your actions before. you can say that she did know, and that proves that she simply didn't take her responsibilities as head girl seriously enough to stop the head boy from harassing people when she explicitly told him not to. the point is, no. there is no way that this would have worked out as a long term relationship. james is too comfortable lying to her. i can't even say she was justified. there is no circumstance where i personally see this as okay for anybody involved.

alright, so, essentially teenage lily was justified in (most of) her actions, even if i find them questionable.

adult lily dies at 21, while saving her son, but her death also helps save the wizarding world. good job. she, as expected, did what any good mother would.

and that's canon lily.

my thoughts: she's a perfect example of why writing tips are so adamant on making sure people try to show and not tell. we were told that lily is meant to be good and pure and lovely, but the author never bothered to actually prove that, so what we're left with a dissonance between what we see and what we know.

as a result, i still don't know if i truly dislike her. her actions are justified, but they don't match with what we've been told, and we don't have any other information to go off of. at best, i can say for certain that i disagree with many of her choices, despite understanding why she would have made them (except for marrying james potter, uggghh, the only good thing to come out of that was harry and the saving of the wizarding world by extension, ig).

thanks for reading all that, btw! hope it made sense :)

#meta #lily evans #lily evans potter #anti lily evans?#just to be sure #james potter #severus snape #harry potter #thoughts #my opinion #not sure what i should tag this as #im tired and have to get up for work in like #five hours lol #anti jily #im sorry but i really can't do jily

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dragynkeep · 3 years

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I saw that you did top 5 best female & male characters in rwby and why, so i was wondering could you do the same but for 5 rwby worst female & male characters you dislike and why.

luke did this ask before along with the best one so i’mma steal this for me.

worst female characters.

robyn hill — hands down one of the most annoying additions to the show. she is meant to be robin hood yet fails in the character’s motivations & ideals in every instance, her outfit / general design are clunky & poorly thought out, her personality has the exact desirability of hot garbage juice & she herself is just as appealing. the only slightly fun thing about robyn is her voice actress, the amazing christina vee & the potential she could’ve had that i really enjoy seeing be brought out in fanfics instead. in canon? robyn can go rot.

blake belladonna — our resident all lives matter queen who was meant to be a champion for all minorities watching the show, a bisexual icon & a shining example of an abuse survivor ... only to fail on all three. blake’s influence on the racism storyline only makes her come off as a privileged brat who would lecture those who are just trying to survive & blame them for the actions of a terrorist organization she was part of, & it was dropped as soon as her abusive ex was killed. her actions as an abuse survive are nonsensical at times. & blake wasn’t even confirmed to be bisexual representation until eight years into the show & she / her female love interest still aren’t canonically together while the cishet writers hide behind a slow burn excuse that was never applied to their m / f couples.

ruby rose — it sounds nonsensical to say this about our main character & i wouldn’t have put her on this before v7 & 8, but her favouritism by the narrative in those two volumes to the point the story would break it’s back to justify her drove me crazy. i was watching this character who we were meant to root for make mistake after mistake after mistake & hide behind her age & inexperience like a coward; like she hadn’t shoved her way into this war & rejected everyone around her who had experience & wanted to help because they didn’t want to do it her way. ruby behaved like a petulant child & i have no doubt that this isn’t going to change.

cinder fall — listen she was always a middling type of character for me, i didn’t hate her but i didn’t love her either. cinder was just cinder, a kind of flat antagonist who didn’t go anywhere; until they tried to make her go somewhere & in doing so had her repeat the same character arc like three times. her “backstory” that was just cinderella lazily copy & pasted eight years after people had been asking for it was the final nail in the coffin for me. they waited too long & got too lazy.

nora valkyrie — again, not really a character i thought i would’ve put on here after i really started to like her in volume 4 when she & ren finally began to get character development. they were kind of in the background which annoyed me but they weren’t being obnoxious so it was fine. i want to go back to v4 - 6 so bad lmao; nora in these two volumes has been horrendous. not only did she ignore all of ren’s boundaries when he was trying to ask for space, she thought the appropriate action to him asking for that space & struggling to vocalize it was to kiss him without consent. and then, she co opts his entire arc anyways for v8 & now it’s nora who wants the space & ren is being unreasonable, ren is forcing her boundaries, ren is in the wrong. fuck her stupid ass one liner backstory too. nora dropped so far on my shitlist because of her actions the last two volumes smh.

worst male characters.

qrow branwen — again much like ruby & nora; i never thought i’d put qrow on here but his behaviour in these last volume especially has just dropped my fondness for him all the way to the grave lmao. he acts so much like ruby, a petulant child who was told no & lost his favourite toy, while acting like he didn’t specifically break that toy. he went from someone who was level headed, if an absolute asshole to a whiny manchild who spent the entire volume crying in a jail cell about how he was gonna kill his dead boyfriend’s boss because he doesn’t wanna admit he got him killed. & then he forgot about that in the last five minutes to cry about his potentially dead nieces, which only left me thinking, where was your concern about them the rest of this volume qrow? so yeah. on the shitty character list you go buddy.

ghira belladonna — i would change my mind & make this dumbass number one but he’s always annoyed me so i’m more settled with that emotion whereas qrow is a new development. but ghira is literally worse than annoying, he’s a useless character who takes up space & actively worsens the plot & the character — mainly blake — that he’s connected to. everything from his useless pacificism to the fact he’s a privileged faunus living in a mansion while his people are in huts to the fact that he’s now retaken the helm at the head of the white fang like?? what about his mentality has changed & how will that prevent another terroristic faction raising up in result of his negligence towards their people in favour of his own comfort driven pacifism?

hazel rainart — sir, your motivation is hokey & your hair is dumb & your braid ribs are giving me nightmares. originally i didn’t have as much of an issue with hazel infantilizing his grown twin sister because i thought we were at least going to get some rebuttal to this man using her death to metaphorically & then physically beat on ozpin. but no, he was validated & then had the gall to use her name in order to guilt trip ozpin in the “ no more gretchens ” line — like he hadn’t created dozens of gretchens in mistral with tyrian? sir you are a mass murderer — & then went out like an ass in one of the laziest redemption arcs i’ve ever seen. bravo, you suck.

adam taurus — he’s really not the highest on this list because i recognize that this is more because of milk & kornflake’s white comfort bleeding into their writing of a marginalized man & less of actually him as a character. adam is a bastard but he’s so much of a hate sink that i can’t take him seriously or hate him because of these traits; if mkek told me he killed puppies as a hobby, i wouldn’t hate adam for that, i’d hate them for continually making him edgier & edgier while ignoring their own racism around his writing.

scarlet david — this one’s a little bit of a joke one but also, i just hate this catty fay gay. get back in the closet sir because your face annoys me & your attitude stinks. i’m renting the down with cis bus just to run him over. ♥

#rwby #rwde #mkek critical #rwby critical #robyn hill #blake belladonna #ruby rose #cinder fall #nora valkyrie #qrow branwen #ghira belladonna #hazel rainart #adam taurus #scarlet david #owl.txt #answered #q

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rwdestuffs · 3 years

Text

Likely because Oz’s early attitude came off as more “Arrogant Headmaster” rather than “Traumatized Victim of his ex”, I feel more sympathy towards Salem than I do towards Oz.

It’s a major writing flaw that persists because the overall show. A lot of the early attitude of the show is kinda dropped because they don’t know what to do with these characters.

For example, Ruby’s obsession with weapons was dropped and was never mentioned again. While it’s admittedly sweet that she didn’t start fawning all over Penny when she found out that she was in essence, a living weapon, the fact that her weapons obsession was dropped early on makes that interaction less heartwarming, and more like they were just bonding.

So, when Oz’s early attitude reeks of arrogance, like when he more or less overruled a lot of Glynda’s objections, and how he more or less was implied to have known that Jaune cheated his way in, it comes off as moves that were less due to his trauma, and more due to his arrogance.

Contrast Salem, whose name not only invokes sympathy what with the witch trials, but was also introduced and had her backstory revealed not too long after said introduction, she invokes more sympathy than Oz does because of a combination of her name and her early reveal of her backstory.

While yes, both Oz and Salem were victims of abuse, Salem’s came much sooner than Oz’s after their initial reveal, which invokes more sympathy for the character.

In a similar sense, this is why Cinder isn’t that much better. Without the Cinderella motifs, nobody would have guessed that she had a rough childhood. It’s also why Adam is also demonized. The naming motifs combined with how long it took for the characters to receive any meaningful backstory (Supplemental material for Adam, and 8 volumes for the fire hag), creates a situation where it’s hard to sympathize with one because of how the naming conventions work. Like I said here, names are important to a character. Had Salem been named Lilith, after a biblical demon, she would not have received as much sympathy as she does now. Had Adam been named Maurice (After Belle’s father), he would have received more sympathy than he did. Adam invoked more similarities to Gaston than he did to any other character, resulting in him not getting as much sympathy as Cinder did, despite them both having similar backstories and actions throughout the show.

If the writers have done anything right, it would be knowing how naming conventions work.

But this still ties back into how early traits were just… dropped. Blake stopped calling out racists to their face, and stood by when Velvet was being a victim of Cardin’s bullying.

Weiss’ early racism was resolved off-screen and was never really addressed again.

Yang’s overall protective nature is only ever brought up when the plot demands it.

And Ruby’s weapons obsession, a trait that could have been used to properly describe each character’s weapons in an unforced manner, was never mentioned again.

Oz’s early arrogance was now replaced with the backstory of “He was traumatized!” And look: Oz is indeed traumatized. But it’s clear that that wasn’t something the writers thought about until recently. There were few (if any) hints that this was Oz’s situation from the start. Hos arrogance in wanting Pyrrha to give up her hopes and dreams by forcing her to take on the maiden powers with that “Become the Fall Maiden for us, or the Bad Guys win” ultimatum, combined with his overall secrecy led a lot of conclusions to think that he was more arrogant than he was traumatized.

Now, this isn’t to say that he wasn’t traumatized. His feelings and emotions towards the subject are completely valid and he deserves sympathy. But given how the early writing was, it’s hard to really feel sorry for him because again, his early actions came off as if it was fueled by arrogance, as opposed to trauma.

It’s admittedly hard to land the sweetspot for backstory reveals, especially for characters that aren’t your title character, but it really feels as if the writers didn’t know what they wanted to do with Oz until they came up with the idea of him and Salem having been romantically involved together.

They lyrics of the song Sacrifice also don’t help,

You can't have my life I'm not your sacrifice You can try, but I'm free And you won't conquer me I won't crawl, most of all I won't fall for you

The overall way the song is done implies that Oz sacrifices people for his own gain. Given that this song was made and released well before the backstory reveal, it also lends to the idea that Oz was more arrogant than traumatized. Admittedly, this is basically Raven’s song, making the views a little skewed, but again, it was made and released before Oz’s backstory reveal, meaning that it had more time to fester in peoples’ minds and be analyzed to come to the conclusion that Oz was a manipulative bastard rather than a traumatized victim.

Like I said, it’s hard to land a sweetspot for a backstory reveal. You either do it too early, and make the character lose their mystique, or you do it too late, and people won’t care about the character making the reveal pointless.

In addition, doing it too late, such as the case for Cinder, means that you have to make all prior actions make sense in this scenario. If Cinder’s backstory did anything correctly, it was that it made her attack on Weiss back in Volume 5 make sense. But all other actions don’t make sense. For example, she was a slave, so her abusing the WF into working for her makes no sense since both have had to deal with slavery. If anything, her revealing that scar would have made it make sense, even if it was off-screen, because then Adam has every reason to take her side. He would know that she was abused by the elite, and he would sympathize with the mentality of overthrowing a system that allowed such things to happen, even if it meant the deaths of a bunch of people.

Then we get to Cinder’s reveal and we find out why she was so hellbent on tearing down a hunter school. A Hunter decided to arrest her for fighting back against her abusers, so she views them all as the same: A bunch of privileged assholes who punish victims, but not the perpetrators.

If anything, Cinder’s was revealed far too late to make her actions make sense, or make audiences truly want to forgive her actions. She killed Penny and Pyrrha. Had this been revealed in Volume 4, where everyone was dealing with parental figures, Cinder’s motives would have made more sense. She was betrayed by a person she considered to be her father figure, and that led her down this path. Think about it. Yang was dealing with her dad calling her soul a temper tantrum (And no, I’m never letting that go). Weiss was dealing with her abusive father Jacques and the best parental figure ever Klein. Ruby was dealing with parental figure Qrow, and the prospect of losing him. And Blake was dealing with best biological dad Ghira and his advice on not letting the past or your fears control you. Cinder’s backstory would have fit right in.

These characters had really interesting personality traits that got dropped. I would have loved to have seen Ruby and Jaune work together to give Jaune an upgrade to his weapon that would make it cool, but still make it Jaune’s. But no. A random blacksmith does the upgrade.

It would have been so cool to learn about the other characters’ weapons through Ruby. We could have learned the names of the weapons, their function(s), and maybe even learned a it of symbolism about the weapon and the weapon’s user. Another thing the writers do well is that they make the symbolism of a weapon and their user make sense. Blake is a stealthy, quiet, and reserved character. So her weapon isn’t loud or fancy, but it has a lot of utility. Yang is loud, boisterous, and wants to tackle her problems head-on, so her weapon reflects that by giving her the option of getting in close for powerful blows. Jaune is a basic character with nothing special to him, so he gets a basic sword and shield combination.

So the weapons and semblance being the only way for us to know what a character is like is honestly really jarring when some of those character traits are no longer that applicable.

#rwde #writers crit #rwby criticism #oz crit

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liamloveslarry · 4 years

Text

Baker! Harry & Primary School Teacher! Louis

so, a couple of weeks ago i made a little post about how i’d love for people to send me prompts/writing ideas and the lovely @louistsbravery sent me one based off her moodboard she so kindly made, here!

my brain kind of ran away with me and so i hope you like this, i tried to stick to the theme as best i could, enjoy! :)

Harry eyes the man from behind the counter.

He watches him as his eyes scan the board above from where he’s standing, sleepy blue orbs blinking tiredly behind the square glasses perched upon his nose.

His heart thumps something fierce when he notices the tufts of brown hair sticking out slightly from behind his ear, a noticeable trait he assumes from lack of sleep and too many early mornings.

It’s 6 o’clock in the morning and the sun is barely edging over cobbled streets and tall buildings, its shimmering waves casting a pale glow over puddles on the pavement and bouncing off lampposts.

‘Babs Bakery’ is nestled between a small row of shops along the Northern Quarter. Its quaint, rustic exterior leads itself into a small tea room and peaceful eating area. Potted plants line the windowsill outside while the smell of fresh baked scones and coffee beans pulse and weave through the air, an atmosphere Harry’s prone to taking naps in.

He’s been here for about a year now, taking over from his Nana when she’d gotten too old to carry on the business, but he hadn’t changed a thing. It might be slightly old fashioned but it reminds him of his grandparents and how he used to sit at the table in the corner by the window with his colouring book and jumbo crayons, while being served hot vimto and iced fingers.

A small cough nudges Harry from his stupor and he blinks, realising he’s been staring. The man is smiling slightly, the last traces of sleep pull at his lips as he lifts his hand to cover his mouth while he lets out a yawn.

“Morning.” He says, his Northern twang is raspy and gentle, a higher pitched lilt whispering through words.

Harry wipes his clammy hands on his apron and steps forward, fingertips drumming along the counters edge. He can see the man’s wearing a light blue button up underneath a soft, grey jumper. Pale pink tie burrowed in between. A shoulder bag is situated over his left arm and there are textbooks, papers and pens bursting through the zip.

“Hey. G’morning.” He replies, fingers aching to touch him. “Find anything you like?”

The man squints one more time at the blackboard, eyes moving over loopy words and today’s specials.

“I think,” he says, dragging out the ‘I’. Harry finds it that endearing he has to grip the countertop and remind himself to keep breathing. “I think I’m gonna go for a latte and a cheese and ham toastie, please. Is that alright?”

Harry nods and reaches for a paper cup. “Is that to go or stay in?” He asks.

“To go, please. Need to make sure I get to work before the little monsters. If I time it right, the caffeine rush lasts all day.” The man responds, smirking a little. “I swear I love my job, but sometimes they can be a handful.”

Harry nods and spins on the spot, turning the face the coffee machine and placing the cup underneath the metal nozzle. There’s a spurt and a groan before hot milk starts to pour into the cup.

“Am I right in assuming you’re talking about children, not animals, right?”

The man laughs and Harry blinks up towards the ceiling, whispering a quiet ‘fuck’ as his knees buckle.

“Yep! Early years. I work at the Primary School just down the road. The only animal I have is Eden here, and she’s still asleep the lucky buggar.”

“Eden?” Harry asks, as he places the cheese and meat on top of the bread baked only this morning, crumbing bits of pepper on top and drizzling balsamic vinegar over the sharp cheddar.

He places it into the small oven and turns the timer on.

“Yeah, heh. Sorry. She’s my pet rabbit and the kids go crazy when I bring her in. I hope you don’t mind me bringing her in here? She’s in her carrier so she can’t escape.” Louis looks sheepish, and he rubs the back of his neck while he flicks his eyes up to meet Harry’s; but the look is quickly dissolved when Harry dashes around the counter and asks if he can see her.

Louis nods and steps aside, giving view to the medium sized carrier sat next to his feet.

Harry crouches and sees through the bars, a small golden rabbit, tufts of white fur peeking through the strands. Her nose twitches in sleep and her soft whiskers brush Harry’s fingertips lightly where he’s resting against the metal bars.

“Oh my, she’s so cute.” He whispers, not wanting to wake the sleeping animal.

He peers up at the man from where he’s situated on the floor and realises he’s eye level with the fly of his work pants. He flushes and bends his knees, standing up.

This only makes things worse as he’s now directly facing him, no counter in between their bodies. If Harry were to inch his fingers out, he’d feel just how soft his jumper is. He flexes his knuckles and reminds himself not to think about if his skin is as soft as his voice.

He coughs into his fist and steps back.

“Sorry – uh. I just love animals. And I don’t mind them in the shop,” he nods his head to where a small tank rests next to the till. “I have one of my own to keep me company, too.”

A plump goldfish swims happily from rock to rock, bobbing his tiny mouth as he scoops up the remaining pieces of fish food Harry had sprinkled in earlier.

Louis spins to face the tiny morsel, but only after his eyes drop down to where Harry’s biting his lip, a small bridge of pink scattered over his nose and cheeks.

“Nice.” He says, smiling at Harry once more. “What’s its name?”

Harry walks back around the counter and scoops the cup from underneath the machine and presses the button on the timer, stopping the chirps that are signalling the food is ready.

He places the items down in front of the man and bends to rest his elbows on the counter, reaching one finger out to follow the fish through the glass.

“Phillip.” He huffs, the sound sculpting into an embarrassed laugh.

Louis looks at him with his eyebrows raised, a small grin quirking his lips.

Harry groans quietly and rolls his eyes.

“Please don’t ask – my niece named him and I couldn’t say no.”

Louis laughs and reaches a hand into his pants pocket, pulling out his wallet and sliding his card out of the slot.

“Mate, you don’t need to explain anything to me.” He says. “I deal with 15 of them on a daily basis, why d’ya think I bought a bloody bunny?”

He smirks as he places the card into the reader and enters his pin, and Harry stares at the way the sun is peeking its way in through the windows, causing the man’s hair to shine, highlighting his cheekbones and lightly freckled skin.

He stands there for another couple of seconds before the reader beeps and he pulls his card out.

“Cool, well - I think that’s me.” The man says, slipping his wallet back into his pocket and gathering the items in his hands. “I guess I’ll see you around, uh?” he looks a little expectantly at Harry and smiles, a tiny quirk of his top lip.

“Harry.”

“Louis,” he replies. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around then, Harry.”

Harry manages a wave before the man is out the door, smiling at him through the window one last time before he disappears down the street.

It isn’t until Harry’s shutting up shop and wiping down the counters that he spots a small folded piece of paper, wedged in underneath the till.

He frowns and drops the cloth, peeling open the sharp edges until scrawled black writing looks back at him, reading:

“Nice Buns!”

Harry stares at the letters and the scribbly, rushed image of two iced buns smiling and feels a flush work its way from the top of his head to the bottom of his toes.

The thing is, is that Harry doesn’t know who could’ve done this.

The bakery’s been busy non-stop all day and plenty of customers have been in and out over the last eight or so hours, and so he’s confused as to who left him the note.

He pockets the piece of paper and picks up his cloth, continuing to clean.

This time with a small smile etched onto his face.

The notes keep appearing after that.

Once a day, in the same spot as before.

Usually, Harry only notices them at the end of his shift, treating them as little surprises after his busy schedule.

Some days there are short sentences, wishing him a good day, and other days there are lyrics from songs that make him smile, every now and then there’s a cheeky one liner that makes him blush.

There’s a small glass jar that sits beside the toaster where he keeps them, day in, day out, the glass gets fuller. Sometimes Harry, after a bad day, will twist the top off and read through them one by one, curling up on the chair by the window and instantly feeling the stress of the day melt from his shoulders, sated happiness washing over him.

He hasn’t yet managed to find the person on the other end of the notes, always too busy to stop and look. And anyway, what would he say if he found out? Yes? Maybe? ‘No Jonathan, if this is you, I’m not into threesomes so stop asking me?’

He kind of likes there being an air of mysteriousness to them.

But he guesses, it wouldn’t be so bad if it turned out to be a certain someone, now would it?

It’s after an unusually busy day that has Harry rushing around on his feet and trying to serve a long line of customers that seems never ending, flour dusted through his hair and balancing both dishing out food and cleaning up after people, that come 5 o’clock, he’s exhausted and practically dead on his feet.

He slumps against the counter and rests his head down between his shoulder blades, having a minute to himself and heaving a big sigh, when he hears the telltale sign of footsteps approaching him, shuffling he thinks, a little slowly.

“Hey.”

He whips his head up and sees Louis.

His hair is a mess and there’s a line of purple felt tip staining his cheek. His tie is skewed and the top button of his shirt is undone, Adam’s apple bobbing slightly as he swallows, lightly dusted with midnight scruff.

“Sorry, I know you’re uh-technically closing soon,” he says, “I just wanted to pop in really quick for one of those chocolate chip muffins? My sister’s coming up for a few days and I need something sweet to get me through, long day ‘n all. Which I’m sure you can relate to.”

Harry huffs a laugh and nods his head, turning to face the cabinet full of pastries and frowns when he realises there aren’t any in there. He closes his eyes and sighs.

“Ah, sorry. It looks like we’re out, I have a fresh batch of blueberry in the back if that’s okay?”

Louis nods and smiles and Harry wanders into the back, letting the smell of bread and cookies sprinkle over him as he pulls out one of the trays and picks a particularly plump muffin, bouncy slightly in texture.

He finds Louis in the same spot as he was before, only this time he’s rubbing his eye with his fist, looking even more tired than when he first padded in.

He waves the muffin at Louis who grins in response, arm falling back to his side and walking closer to the counter.

“Let me just wrap this up for you.” Harry says, and places the muffin in a small decorative box, closing the lid and taping it with a sticker.

When Louis’ walking towards the door a couple of minutes later, he looks over his shoulder and says,

“You might wanna check something over there,” nodding his head to a small counter display full of flapjacks, where a piece of paper looks to be slotted in between, sticking up as if waiting to be plucked, “looks like you missed something.”

And then with one last smile that’s bordering on slightly nervous, he’s gone.

Ten seconds later when Harry unpicks the paper, the words ‘you bake me crazy, wanna grab a drink sometime?’ look back at him.

He thinks back to the other day and presses his lips together, suppressing a smile and biting his lip.

He knows just what to say.

And then, three years later when he stares down at the ring and card with two pieces of bread on the front and reads, ‘I loaf you very much, shall we grow mould together?’

And he looks into teary blue eyes.

He knows just what to say then too.

#this was pure fluff #tooth rotting #wow #i hope this was ok!!#i honestly didn't mean to write over 2k words on this #but here we we are #if you like little prompts like this #please let me know and i'll be happy to write them!#send them to me anytime and i'll post when i have the chance #:)#larry fic #hlcreators #i don't know how else to tag this #fic rec

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project-rosewood-476 · 3 years

Text

Tabby and Her Many Names

She hates the name Tabithia. It makes her stand out like a sore thumb more than she already does. It also makes her think that shes in trouble because adults use that name to call her when she was in trouble. Her stepdad also perversed her name by using it to symbolize everything bad, gross and evil.

She wants nothing to do with the name Tabithia.

Then she went to Rosewood Prep where she acquired many nicknames in the 8 years that she was there.

Tabithia the fool/the liar- It has her real name in it so automatically it’s a no go. The fool part came from her learning the parlor trick of calling people out for their deep insecurities when really its brought to surface. But people refused to give her the satisfaction of being right so they ridiculed her and called her a liar.

Patron Saint of Children- Tabby adores kids because she takes care of and protects her little brother Adam. Some of the kids are just 5 years old and already being exposed to the harsh realities and cruelties of Rosewood. Tabby will go above and beyond to protect the younger children of Rosewood. Although it’s a better nickname than all of the others its just not something she would want to go by.

Demonic Jack in the box- this came from Tabby’s many years of fighting and developing her fighting style. She never let up when she attacked and she never stayed down in a fight always bouncing right back up. This is her fighter name.

Karma/Judgement- those are her darker and deadlier nicknames that came about in her 7th grade year. Let’s just say she cleaned up Rosewood by unorthodox means and leave it at that for now (I don’t want to spoil anything)

Tabs- a derivative from her real name. Although tolerable and will answer to it its not preferable.

Tabby however Tabby is a name that she prefers. It’s a derivative from her real name so she could keep her identity because even though she hates her real name she can’t really seem to let go of it. To her Tabby is a compromise between being someone new and keeping her real name. People have often said that she reminds them of a feral, rough and tumble alley cat which is a much more suitable description for her. And she also loves cats and has personality traits of them. Tabby is a type of cat. To her Tabby means fighting for what is right no matter what, putting the people you call your true family first and foremost, and to be unbreakable even though you feel like shattering from the weight of everything that people put upon you.

That’s why even now in her proxy life she could have chosen a new name. Fuck it. New her, new life, new beginnings but no. She still stuck with Tabby. It’s a name she has made for herself and will continue to make for herself.

#every rose has its thorn #erhit au #behind the scenes #behind the names #creepypasta #creepypasta fandom #original character #tabbyanderson #tabby #rosewood prep

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ourwrittenstories-arch · 3 years

Text

○○Blog info~~

Info on my rules and muses for mobile under the read more

Side blog to @somexofusxarexhuman < Canon Stiles RP

Please remember this is an RP blog and not an Art blog, to see my art follow me here on twitter >>> ***CLICK***

My open starters > CLICK <

Anyone can reply, please don't let reblog amount scare you!

Rules::

Rule one

Please be patient with me. I’m either stupid fast at replying or I take a few days. If it seems I’ve forgotten you, though, send me an IM

Rule Two

That being said I will reply when I feel like. I will always tell you if I need to drop a thread, if I take long it doesn’t mean I’ve dropped it. If you need to drop it because I’m taking too long, let me know. I promise not to be mad.

Rule Three

I will not RP with anyone under the age of 18, even if the thread has no smut. I’m sorry, but no. This is an adult oriented blog. Heavy themes, along with smut, will be regularly posted in rp formal and/or in images.

Rule Four

I will not RP with anime/cartoon/game FC’s (There are exceptions like RE8 chars). I will also not RP with any deceased FC’s

Rule Five

As awesome as it would be to be bilingual, I only speak and know English. Anything you see me post that is not English was brought to you by Google Translate.

Rule Six

I do not have a verse page, but that doesn’t mean I’m not open to AU’s. I LOVE AU’s. I’m a multi-ship multi-post blog and am trash for any and all AU’s. Just ask!

Rule Seven

I can write a lot in my replies (And a lot of it can be unnecessary detail) but don't feel pressured to match my length! Just, please, try to give me something more than two sentences to work with. I don't typically enjoy writing short replies, but I understand muses can be fickle things.

Rule Eight

I don't enjoy pregnancy threads or writing children so I, typically, will steer clear of those types of threads. If our muses have been in a long relationship (and we have been writing partners for a while as well) I may make an exception, but don't come in expecting babies. My girls all have IUD's unless stated otherwise. That being said I am 100% down with the breeding kink.

Rule Nine

If a muse has (unknown) somewhere in their age it means they are old old. Like 100+, so age can be changed if you are uncomfortable with age gap.

Rule Ten

I have a handful of chronic issues that effect my sleep and my mood so I'm up all hours of the day. I live in EST time zone, but I'm often up at 4AM so.....it's a gamble lol!

Rule Eleven

I have SEVERE ANXIETY and struggle messaging new people. IF I FOLLOWED YOU I WANT TO RP WITH YOU! I'm probably just figuring out how to message you without puking lol. I would appreciate the help, if you want, or you can wait until I gather the enrve.

Rule Twelve

My grammar isn't the best in the galaxy, ok? I over use comma's and never really figured out the semi-colon. If something is horribly wrong or you can't understand what I've written, just ask please.

Rule Thirteen

I will tag major triggers (ie; Snakes, Spiders etc) but I won't tag smut or NSFW unless it really needs it.

Rule Fourteen

If I have ever posted a meme please feel free to send one in even if it was a year ago! With that in mind, I do prefer introduction threads with new muns/characters if I am not familiar with them.

Rule Fifteen

Don't like my starters

Rule Sixteen

Don't God-Mod blah blah and Follow TOS k I love you <3 <3

Muses:

Girls:

Inessa Morea

Nicknames: Nessy, Nessa, Ness Age: Unknwon (25) DoB: May 11th Pronouns: She/Her Species: Nymph (Forest) Sexual Orientation: Bi-Curious Position: Sub (Potentially verse) Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: New York Occupation: Flourist Personality: Sweet, Curious, Oblivious, Playful, Innocent, Devious Face Claim: Candice King ○

Cassia Poole-

Nicknames: Cass, Cassy Age: Unknown (19-24) DoB: November 3rd Pronouns: She/Her Species: Nymph (Water(mermaid)) Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Position: Sub Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: New York Occupation: Student (Robotics and Marine bio-tech)/ Swim coach Personality:Innocent, Nerdy, Hyperactive, Bratty, Playful, Lame Face Claim: Jane Levy ○

Amara Nyx

Nicknames: Marr Age: Unknown (32) DoB: Oct 13th Pronouns: She/Her Species: Nymph (Underworld) Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Position: Versatile Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: New York Occupation: None/ Sugar baby Personality: Smart ass, Rude, Bitchy, Judgmental, Hateful, Possessive, Affectionate Face Claim: Elizabeth Gillies ○

Laleh Narvaez

Nicknames: Lala Age: 25(600) DoB: Sept 4th Pronouns: She/Her Species:Lamia/Naga Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Position: Versatile Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: Argentina Occupation: Dancer/Jack of all Trades for Freak Show/Snake Charmer(Circus) Personality:Sharp, Sultry, Flirtatious, Seductive, Venomous Face Claim: Eiza Gonzalez ○

Samira Eve

Nickname: Sam, Sammy, Mira Age: (Unknown) 20-23 DoB: June 2nd Pronouns: She/Her Species: Air Nymph Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Position: Verse Romantic Orientation: Panromantic Hometown: Boston Occupation: Thief/Courier Personality: Sarcastic, Smooth, Sassy, Flighty, Unreliable, Persuasive, troublemaker FC: Elisha Applebaum

○

Maybelline New-York

Nicknames: May Age: 28 DoB:Sep 17 Pronouns: She/Her Species: Zombie Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Position: Sub Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: New Orleans Occupation: None Personality: Shy, Angry, Mute, Hungry, Sassy" Bio: Maybelline has no memory of her life before she had been murdered at the age of 23. Hell, she's not even certain that's her age. Her name came from reading a magazine ad when asked who she was after walking into morgue. Zombies had been a small pest problem for a while now, usually obvious in their appearance and traits, but something inside of May kept her from fully succumbing to the sickness. All she felt was hunger and, after begging the mortician to, promptly sewed her mouth shut and clipped her nails. Now she speaks in sign or with a chalkboard she carries around to communicate. After weeks of study, it was discovered that Maybelline had a tumor that had taken over the majority of her brain, blocking the strain from traveling and taking her over. Face Claim: Camila Mendes ○

Juniper Lee

Nicknames: June, Junie Age:29 DoB: Feb 16th Pronouns: She/Her Species:Witch Sexual Orientation: Straight Position: Submissive Romantic Orientation: Straight Hometown: Seoul until 5 then Massachusetts Occupation:Herbalist/Illusionist Personality:Soft spoken, Kind, Intelligent, Playful, Self Concious, Delicate, unsure Face Claim: Jamie Chung ○

Barabelle Gunn

Nicknames: Belle, Belly, Bara Age:27 DoB: May 28th Pronouns: She/Her Species: Human Sexual Orientation: Straight Position: Versatile Romantic Orientation: Straight Hometown: Killin Scottland Occupation: Hunter (supernatural) / Mercenary Personality: Brash, Rude, Sarcastic, Bull Headed, Loyal, Protective Face Claim: Karen Gillan AU Verses- Resident Evil 8 Verse ○ Leora Brandr Nicknames: Leo Age: Unknown (26) DoB: Dec 21st Pronouns: She/Her Species: Nymph (Fire) Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Position: Versatile Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: Queens Occupation: Pilot/ Glass Blower Personality: Gentle, Kind, Shy, Short-Fused, Fiery, Passionate Face Claim: Daisy Ridley

Boys:

Carlyle Abrams

Nicknames: Lyle Age:32 DoB: April 16th Pronouns: He/Him Species:Human Sexual Orientation: Straight Position: Top/Dominant Romantic Orientation: Straight Hometown: London Occupation: Private Investigator Personality: Charming,Calm, Kind, Playful, Posessive, Warm Face Claim: Adam Driver ○

Maxwell Ardeleane Nicknames: Max Age: Unknown (31) DoB: January 8th Pronouns: He/Him Species: Elder Vampire Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Position: Top/Dominant Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: Bucharest Romania Occupation: Mob Boss Personality: Charming, Polite, Sarcastic,Dark, Cruel, Posessive." Face Claim: Tyler Hoechlin ○ Syrian Nyx

Nicknames: Syrian Age: Unknown(34) DoB: Oct 13th Pronouns: He/Him Species: Nymph (Underworld) (Alpha) Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Position: Top/Dominant Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: New York Occupation: Bank CEO Personality:Charming, Egotistical, Posessive, Rude, Dark Humor Face Claim: Oliver Jackson-Cohen ○ Esben Hvit

Nicknames: Esben, Ben, Es Age: 27 DoB: Oct 20 Pronouns: He/Him Species: Were-Raven (Albino) Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Position: Vesatile Romantic Orientation: Biromantic Hometown:Seattle Occupation: Famous Writer(Penned under Raven White) Personality:Cocky, Quiet, Shy, Rude, Snarky, Intelligent Face Claim: Lucky Blue Smith ○

Carter Higgins

Nicknames: Carter, Car Age: 24 DoB: June 12 Pronouns: He/Him Species: Human Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Position: Vesatile Romantic Orientation: Biromantic Hometown: Nashville Tenn Occupation: Street/Bar Musician Personality:Sweet, Friendly, Romantic, Goofy, Playful Face Claim: Cody Christian

----

Canon characters:

Peter Hale: Teen Wolf

Chris Argent: Teen Wolf

Tags:

#selfie;(name) - Photo’s of characters

(name)Starter- Starter for specific character

#wanted opposite - Wanted partner or character to rp with

more TBA

#Muses #Rules;;#1x1 rp #indie rp #smut rp #18+rp #independent rp #oc rp #canon rp #looking for partners #self promo #psa #mun things #discord friendly

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yuzukult · 4 years

Text

city lights || chanyeol & reader

title: city lights pairing: chanyeol x reader (ft. x junmyeon) genre: soulmate!au words: 8.2k prompt: i’ve waited for years to find my soulmate, but when i finally meet him, he’s completely different from what i expected him to be, and he doesn’t want to be with me. warnings: there’s no smut, but there may be some mature topics & cursing. note: i know that city lights is baekhyun’s album title, but i thought this title it fit this story well :).... also this is my first fic in a while so... hopefully this isn’t too bad... 5/9/20: i’ve reviewed for typos....... lets hope 5th time is the charm....

I’m twenty-two when I meet my soulmate.

Once you turn the ripe age of twenty-one, a unique tattoo appears on your body that replicates the one your soulmate has.

Everyone dreams about meeting their soulmate, falling in love, getting married, having kids and growing old together—but those aspirations are only attainable for the population that get to even meet “the one”. There are people who defy the odds and develop relationships with those who aren’t bounded as their mate, some successful and some not, but if you knew you had someone who was made for you out there, wouldn’t you want to find them as well?

This guy was attractive and he knew it. He would stride his tall frame into every room with confidence radiating from his body with a beaming smile plastered on his face. His laugh was the remedy to a bad day, and if his happiness were an infectious disease, it would be considered contagious. Just being in his proximity gifted you a fragment of his elation but it was enough to feel the major aftereffects. It didn’t feel fair that he was a whole package. Bubblegum pink wavy curls brushing his forehead, doe-like eyes and ears that his friends would make fun of for being big— but was a cute addition to his looks. There had to have been a switch on and off button on him somewhere, because he knew when to suddenly flip from a sweet, charming guy into this sexy man. There wasn’t anything wrong with him, but his mentality was to ‘fuck around’ as much as he could. He had the traits to swoon any girl, easily fishing them into his lap before stringing them along and dropping them in mere moments. It was easy anyway, these girls knew that he wasn’t their soulmate, but he was the closest they could get to one. Maybe he’d be the one they could change and make him fall in love with them, they’d all say.

But he was mine.

Well, at least, he’s supposed to be.

I met him through a mutual friend – well, more of a co-worker really. I lived in Busan for majority of my life, so moving to Seoul for work meant that I lost contact with a lot of my friends back home. Plus, the hours at the office were draining…

So when Minseok approached me at my desk on a Friday morning with a suspicious smile spread across his face, I leaned back on my swivel chair as he invites himself to sit on the pile of paperwork that lay across my workspace. He is always welcomed here, after all, he’s one out of the few friends I have here in the city.

“Yes? You want something from me?”

“Why do you say it like that?” His mischievous grin was now formed into a pout. “I don’t only come here when I need something from you. We’re friends, aren’t we?” Minseok was the opposite of what a stereotypical 29-year-old would look like – he’s cute, but baby cute. He’s got great features, with his bushy brows and well-sculpted face, but it was more of an “I want to squish his cheeks” kind of reaction he emitted from me. Either way, it didn’t stop the girls in my office from gushing over his looks, constantly trying to get his number.

I hum while twiddling with the pen between my fingers, pursing my lips in suit with his. “Maybe. But you’re definitely here because you need something from me. Cut to the chase—what’s up?”

“Okay, okay,” Minseok is admitting defeat now, slouching in his position as guilt washes over his face. “I noticed the music note on your arm. Is that your soulmate marking?”

“Oh,” I pull my sweater sleeve up just barely on my left arm, pushing my watch down just enough to see the tattoo. “Yeah, it’s a 16th note. I learned how to play the saxophone when I was younger, so I knew what it was when I saw it.”

“About that…” What’s wrong with him? Why does he keep pausing? “I think I know who your soulmate is.”

Minseok is the reason I find myself out-of-place at a club, seated at a bright red booth tucked in a corner that he claims is his friends’, and that I should hang around until I get a glimpse of this guy who he thinks is my soulmate. I’m pulling my blue jeans up that doesn’t quite fit right and opting for a black bodysuit with lace 3/4 sleeves. My hair is let loose with soft curls, one side tucked behind my ear. Honestly, I’m not here to look sexy at a club, but I wanted to look decent enough to meet someone who potentially was ‘the one’.

But this isn’t exactly where I found myself wanting to meet him.

I’m sitting next to a guy named Kyungsoo, or so he introduces himself as, and I hope that I get his name right because the volume of the speakers are so loud, I can barely hear myself think. It has me wondering if all of Minseok’s friends are just as attractive as he is, because Kyungsoo reeked of beauty. Dressed in all black – including the rims of his glasses were black – he was effortlessly gorgeous. He seemed equally as awkward as I am here, but it’s confirmed that he’s not my soulmate, and that he’s only here because it’s a friend of both his and Minseok’s birthday – another guy named Jongin… who also is not my soulmate.

“How old are you?” Kyungsoo is leaning over behind my ear, hoping that I can hear him. The veins on his neck are bulging from his attempt.

“Twenty-two,” I holler back.

“Oh wow, you’re very young.” He’s pushing his frames up from slipping on his nose before continuing. “Chanyeol is twenty-eight. I’m twenty-seven.”

“Chanyeol?”

“Minseok didn’t tell you his name?” Kyungsoo seems like a well-reserved guy, but his smile at the moment illuminates with impish. “If he’s right, your soulmate is Chanyeol. Tall guy, you won’t miss him.”

“Could you tell me more about him?” He shakes his head in response before using his chin to point over behind me toward a figure walking in the direction of the table.

That’s the first time I meet Chanyeol.

I remember my heart skipping a beat once my eyes laid on him, because almost immediately, I felt the sparks that the stories said there would be. There were always these posts on forums about how people met their soulmate – how everything around them seemed to change. The way they perceived color and taste were different because now it was enhanced and that they were on a high that couldn’t be described in any other way. Words didn’t do the emotions justice. It was just pure elation.

Even well renounced authors couldn’t even put to words what it felt like. Bliss, maybe? No, it was better than that.

Plus—it was troublesome to compare my experience with theirs when I’m inside a club where it’s dark and the lights are flashing and flickering.

His hair looked fluffy. I wanted to run my fingers through those luscious locks, and the shade of pink in his hair made him look more adorable than sexy, despite his outfit. Black leather jacket, with matching black jeans, and a white t-shirt were his get-up, and as he was approaching the table, his hands were stuffed into the front pockets of his pants before he changes his route and strides toward Jongin who stands by the booth. Jongin’s cheeks were already flushed on his bronzed skin when I first meet him entering in the club, but he’s more than happy to have a stranger join in on his party shenanigans. However, the change of emotions on his face expressed the evident adoration he had for the taller male, because moments later, he has his arms wrapped around him with laughter that could be heard throughout the club.

“Chanyeol!” Jongin exclaims, and my claimed-to-be soulmate ruffles the birthday boy’s hair with a smile on his face. My heart clenched at that moment and I swore for a second I had a heart attack. “Happy Birthday, Jongin. Party the night away, bro.”

He slides into the booth across from Kyungsoo and I, exchanging handshakes with the other male before offering one to me. He’s using his right hand to greet me, so I don’t get a glimpse of his supposedly tattooed wrist.

“I’m Chanyeol,” He says, and I take his hand with a firm grip, and I feel that spark between the two of us again. He must have felt the something too, because he abruptly escapes from the grasp with a soft chuckle. “Sorry, I might have shocked you. I rub my socks on carpets in my free time.” He jokes.

Kyungsoo introduces me as Minseok’s friend, and it’s like a light bulb goes off on top of Chanyeol’s head. “Ah, the soulmate. He’s really trying to get me to settle down, isn’t he?” His face looks like he’s going to play along, quickly locking eyes with Minseok in the crowd before gesturing the older male over.

“Hey, I see you’ve met my friend, your soulmate.” Minseok is grinning from ear to ear, and I can’t tell if it’s him playing around with his friend that’s bringing him the overwhelming excitement or the alcohol in his system.

“She has a name, hyung, and it’s not ‘your soulmate.’ I’m about to ask her if I can see her marking to compare, and since you’re so damn adamant about us meeting, I figured you should witness it yourself.”

“Okay, well shoot. Do it.” Minseok is looking at me as I slip off the watch on my wrist, dropping it on the table while Chanyeol tugs down the sleeve of his jacket before resting his arm beside my watch. I place my own next to his, and Minseok is already clapping in awe.

It’s a match.

“Fuck, what—fuck. What?” He’s grabbing my wrist now, moving out of his side of the booth before slipping in next to me, pushing me into Kyungsoo. Chanyeol’s in disbelief, and I can hear the snickering coming from the other side of me. “But I’m only twenty-eight!”

“Dude, you shouldn’t be at a bar on a Tuesday night trying to pick up girls at your age. This is a good thing.” Minseok is in Chanyeol’s previous seat now, and his face is glimmering with excitement. “You can finally chill out and stop acting like a college student.”

“This is a joke right?” He’s scoffing, dropping my hand in the process and I wince at the abrupt action because I hit my hand on the edge of the table. “This is a temporary tattoo or something, because there’s no way.”

“You’re twenty-eight, Chanyeol, did you think you were never going to meet your soulmate?” Kyungsoo chimes in, swirling the beer in the cup in his hand. “Jongin is already married, and he’s one of the babies in the group.” Jongin has a wife? He didn’t seem like it… but I guess don’t judge a book by its cover, right?

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol’s standing now, looking down at me and I feel small. “I thought I would be lucky enough to not meet my soulmate. There are so many people who haven’t. Yeah, I’m not doing this. Sorry, you’re going to have to find someone else.” Before I could even let a word out of my mouth, he’s already lost in the crowd.

“Sorry about that,” Minseok looks like a sad kitten when he’s talking to me, pity spewing with each word that he says. “I honestly thought he was going to drop the act and actually try getting to know you.”

I want to say that it’s fine, but I’m not. Chanyeol only knew my name and that I was his soulmate, and in the matter of seconds, he concluded that he didn’t want this. My face is frozen, and I’m completely dumbfounded.

My soulmate doesn’t fucking want me. My soulmate, the person who was supposed to love me. The person I was supposed to love. I have waited twenty-two years to meet a man who ends up crafted as everything that I wasn’t, but was the person who was supposed to fit into me like a missing puzzle piece.

“Hey, are you okay?” Another guy – great, another one—comes to the table and he looks perturbed. “I’m sorry about Chanyeol, I was watching from the side because I thought I could witness him meeting his soulmate but it didn’t seem to turn out the way I assumed…” He’s distorted with worry, the same expression that’s drawn on both Minseok and Kyungsoo’s faces. “I can get you an Uber or something if you want to go home. I don’t think you’d want to stay here after that, right? Ah, I’m Junmyeon, by the way. Part of the group.”

“He’s the mom of the group if that makes you feel any better. He’s always the sober one, you’ll be safe with him.” Contrition clouds Minseok’s expression.

Junmyeon doesn’t look like a mom; in fact, he looks far from a mom. I don’t know where Minseok finds his friends because Junmyeon looks like a piece of artwork that belongs at a museum. He’s wearing two loose dress shirts layered that aren’t buttoned-up all the way, exposing a bit of his bare chest. It’s a questionable choice of fashion, I admit, but he makes it work.

I can’t even bring myself to speak, so I just nod. I type in my address into Junmyeon’s phone before he takes it away, tracking the driver. My soulmate doesn’t want me. That’s all I could think about.

“Don’t feel bad,” Kyungsoo interrupts my thoughts as he slides an unopened beer bottle toward my direction, implying that I should drink just a bit to forget my issues as Junmyeon is tracking the whereabouts of the driver. “Chanyeol… he likes to live his life differently. We only come to these places during special occasions—like Jongin’s birthday, or Minseok’s bachelor party. But Chanyeol… this is like a ritual for him to come every weekend.”

I take up on Kyungsoo’s offer and open myself the beer, taking a couple gulps before letting out a sigh. “It’s… It’s not fine, but I guess I will be fine. I want to try to convince him, so maybe I can meet him in a different place another time?” I suggest, and it seems that both Kyungsoo and Minseok like that idea because their faces brighten a bit.

I finish the beer coincidentally at the same time that Junmyeon tells me the Uber is here and that he’ll walk me out. We exchange numbers because he wants to make sure that I get home safe, and I comply – he’s attractive, the mom of the group, so I figured I could trust him.

But then we’re outside of the club, and I’m cold without a jacket, and I’m doubtful that I’m just exaggerating, but I feel like my heart was being pulled out of my chest, thrown onto the floor, and stomped on.

I didn’t mean to stare, and I probably have been standing here watching this whole thing unfold for about 5 minutes now. Chanyeol’s in the alleyway with some girl he probably just met, her back against the red brick wall where the streetlight barely brushes them but it’s like my senses were heighted to see the actions clearly. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, and although his head was tilted in my direction, attempting to hide the explicit actions between the two, any idiot would know what they were doing.

It hurt. My chest was in so much pain, twisting and turning like someone’s grasp was on it, but before it could get any worse, Junmyeon steps in front of me, pulling me into his arms. “Why are you watching? Don’t you know it physically hurts when you see your soulmate do… things like that with someone else?” I’m muttering ‘no’ in his shirt, and I feel the fabric hanging on him was damp – oh. It was because of me. I was crying. I didn’t know who Chanyeol was until today yet he has me bursting with tears in the arms of a stranger.

Chanyeol doesn’t even know me, and he’s already dismissed me from his life. He doesn’t know what my favorite color is, what I enjoy in my pastime, what my most watched show is, and what foods I enjoy. He doesn’t know my personality, what makes me as a person, my biggest fears, my dreams and aspirations but just one look, he knew he didn’t want me anymore.

He pulls away from the woman when he hears footsteps descending in the background, and sees that it’s me with Junmyeon walking away from the scene. What I later learned was that in that brief moment, he felt a stinging pain in his chest too.

After texting Junmyeon that night that I got home safely and reassuring that I was going to be okay (eventually, at least), we exchanged texts daily. I learned a lot about him, like how he enjoyed composing music in his spare time, which I found out later that Chanyeol does the same thing, except as a profession. I don’t tell him that I had known this about Chanyeol because of a previous dream. He works in a stereotypical office setting, something about trade management, but he claims that it’s just a job that pays the bills, and his passions are elsewhere.

We don’t meet, but we text frequently. I also see Minseok everyday at work, and he treats me as he did before, which I appreciate because it’s distasteful to talk about the circumstances of Jongin’s birthday party.

“What are you doing this weekend?” Minseok again is inviting himself to the little office space I have that is bombarded with rolls of architectural drawings and stacks of paperwork that needed reviewing. He skims through the documents that splatter, but he has absolutely no clue what he’s looking at for someone being in the financial department.

“Uh, probably catching up on work,” That question always strung along with a proposal to hang out, and I had prepared an excuse why I didn’t want – I mean, couldn’t go.

“My friends and I are going to the beach. We have a whole beach house that we rented out for the entire weekend, and seeing that you’re clicking well with Junmyeon, I think you should come along. Plus, you get to meet my soulmate!”

“Hayoung, right?”

“Yes, Hayoung. I think you’d like her; she has the same tolerance for spicy food like you do. And... It’s been months since you’ve actually hung out with me on a weekend.” He’s talking about the incident and I feel something churning in the pit of my stomach. But, he’s right. I don’t have any friends here, and I would have Junmyeon to hang out with when Minseok is occupied.

“Mm, alright fine, but just this once. No more funny business like last time right?”

His face falls into a frown, and he’s still remorseful about the fated night, but I’ve told him multiple times that he’s all forgiven, and it wasn’t his fault for what occurred.

It’s been almost 6 months since I last saw Chanyeol. I note this because the seasons have changed, and the harsh, brisk wind that slaps my face in the days aren’t present, but replaced with the blistering heat of the sun that June brings.

I chose to drive myself to the location that Minseok sends me instead of carpooling… just in case I needed to quickly escape any distressing social situations.

The house is seemly huge—there looks like there could be 10 rooms (eventually I find out that there isn’t even enough for all of us), and it’s by the water with multiple cars parked out in the front of it, which I can only assume, belong to Minseok’s friends. The roof shingles are blue with accents throughout the home that match the sea, seashells and decor splattered across the surfaces. I park my old, beat up Lexus sedan that belonged to my grandfather previously behind one of vehicles, and I’m surprised that I even make it here in one piece.

The salty ocean aroma fills the air and it mixes in with the charcoal burning from the backyard as I enter into the threshold of the home. I drag my duffle bag beside me, dropping it by the other suitcases and backpacks that sit in the living room of the home before making my way back to where everyone was grouped outside.

There are a couple new people that I haven’t seen before (who supposedly were at the club) since the last encounter with Minseok’s friends when I get to the back porch – Jongdae, Baekhyun, Sehun, and Yixing are their names. Hayoung is helping Minseok carry in additional groceries from the car, but she still says her greetings as she’s carrying one side of a cooler. A woman is standing beside Jongdae, who I believe is his wife, gifts him a peck on his cheek before briskly walking by me with a baby resting on her shoulder, whispering a quick ‘hello!’ to me before going into the house to set the little one down. Kyungsoo is manning the grill before I even arrive, and he’s gesturing me to come over with his cooking tongs to help him out. Junmyeon is standing beside him with a knife in his hand, and he looks lost after Kyungsoo gives him direction.

“Come help, hyung is useless,” He hisses, glaring at the older male through his glasses.

“I’m sorry,” Junmyeon is pouting playfully before he places down the knife. “I’m trying!”

“Sure, sure,” I find myself mimicking the tender smile Junmyeon has on his face when he locks his eyes with mine. “I’ll replace Junmyeon here.”

There are bell peppers, onions, and pre-cut cubed of beef lying by the grill beside the naked skewers sticks. I chop the vegetables before guiding Junmyeon to replicate my actions, sliding the pieces onto the stick before Kyungsoo cooks it.

“Do you know how to cook?” Junmyeon asks, but his eyes don’t leave his hands because he’s too preoccupied with his work.

“A bit, I live alone, so I kind of have to.”

“Ah, I live with Kyungsoo and Chanyeol so… Kyungsoo pretty much cooks every night.” I see from my peripheral vision that Kyungsoo has a proud grin on his face as he’s flipping the skewers on the grill. “So much for being their hyung and taking care of them, right? Chanyeol and I can’t even cook rice, we just get the instant ones when Soo isn’t around.”

“That’s nice though,” I stuff a piece of cubed beef to complete his skewer stick before trading it with my empty one. “You never have to cook. I always have to find new recipes because I get bored of the food I make.”

“Maybe you can teach me sometime. Learn new recipes and teach a beginner.” He’s gleaming with happiness, which can only be from the fact that the people surround him are the ones he loves the most. We’ve become friends over time, in spite of the fact that we haven’t met in person since Jongin’s birthday.

“Sure, I’d be more than happy to.”

“In exchange, I’ll bring the groceries. That’s my payment to you for being my teacher,” He winks, and my cheeks grow pink. There’s a slight possibility that Junmyeon is growing on me, and I might have a crush on him.

“I thought you weren’t coming,” I heard a voice from behind me, and I know it belongs to Chanyeol because I get chills down my spine. I’m filling up my cup from the tap with water while leaning against the kitchen sink.

“Minseok suggested that I come.”

“These places aren’t really your thing though, you’d rather be at home working.” Chanyeol is opening the fridge, grabbing himself a beer can. He opens it and brings the cold beverage to his lips, my eyes wandering to his neck as his adam’s apple bobs as he drinks, but I pause and refrain myself from letting my imagination run wild. Either way, I’m left questioning how he would know what my preferences are.

“How would you know? We don’t even talk.”

“I’m your soulmate, I know everything about you.” He wipes his upper lip with his sleeve, and there’s something erotic about it. I quickly shake my head again from these inappropriate thoughts and furrow my brows in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“You haven’t gotten the dreams yet?” He pushes the can toward my direction, gesturing that I take a sip and I decline.

“No… what dreams are you talking about?” I’m not playing dumb, I really didn’t know what he was talking about, but his expression conveyed otherwise.

“All my dreams are of you, and you’re never doing anything interesting in it. I saw you visit your family a couple times, maybe had some dinners or lunches with friends back in Busan, but nothing else. Do you have any hobbies?”

No, but I wasn’t going to tell him that.

“Well, if you’re fucking around all the time, it’s not going to show up in her dreams, you idiot.” Another voice enters in the conversation and room. It’s Hayoung coming in with Jongdae’s wife, who I still haven’t learned the name of, but I’m a bit embarrassed to ask her.

“Dreams?” I’m still perplexed by the situation, because if I’m being honest, I don’t quite understand this whole ‘soulmate’ thing other than you’re meant to be with them. I’ve never met anyone in the same situation as me, so I never learned the side effects of the rejection.

“You get dreams about your soulmate if you meet and choose to not be together. It’s a punishment, but it’s not brutal, so it’s not going to show you a scene of him hooking up with someone else. It’ll just make you regret.” Jongdae’s wife is talking now, shoving Chanyeol away from the fridge to grab the carton of milk to fill up the small bottles she has lined up on the counter.

Chanyeol chuckles at the comment, taking another sip of his beer. “So, I should regret not sitting by her while she’s working on some project? What are you even building by the way? Pipes?”

“It’s a mechanical system of a building,” I utter, and I’m dissatisfied immediately at my own response. Why would I even tell him that? Why would he even care? It makes me sound even more boring than I already am.

“Ah, there it goes. Another reason why I’m not feeling that regret you’re talking about.”

Hayoung is shaking her head in disapproval, arms crossed against her chest as she watches Jongdae’s wife finishing up the bottles of milk for the baby. “Maybe not right now, but it’ll build up. Before you know it, you’re going to be the one wishing that’s it’s you holding up the light instead of a lamp above her work just so you could do something to be next to her.”

When Chanyeol is with his friends, the best qualities of him come out when they’re around. He might be avoiding the real version of himself when he’s with me, but I get a glimpse into his world when I’m at these outings that Minseok and Junmyeon insist that I attend.

Chanyeol is playing the “attendance” game with the guys, and his competitiveness brings out a different side of him, but he’s determined to win, even if the prize is just being able to slap the loser on the back.

Baekhyun loses—again, and they’re all crowded around, not even taking turns, but in unison smacking his back as he grimaces in pain.

And when we’re out at the beach, sinking our toes into the sand and absorbing in the warmth of the sun, he makes a game out of out nowhere to play with his friends, laughter filling the air. He’s not laughing with me, but I still find myself feeling whole at the sound.

I’ve come to realize how easy it is for someone to fall in love with Chanyeol. He cared for no one more than his friends and family, and I start to see this when he’s talking fondly about his older sister and her kids when he sees Jongdae’s baby. His expression resembled child-like wonder when he’s playing with the girl, and it makes me ponder what he’d be like as a father—ah fuck, scratch that. He said doesn’t want to be with me.

There are moments where I’m convinced that I’ve gone insane, because when I’m eating a burger at the dinner table, he reaches out with a napkin in his hand to wipe the smear of ketchup off my cheek. Or the time when they ran out of water bottles at the beach and it was scorching hot, and he drinks a bit from his bottle before giving me the rest because I didn’t have one. Not quite sure what brings him to be so affectionate, so it feels odd.

The weekend sooner or later reaches to an end, and I had to resume back to work.

I’m attacked from behind at the office with more tasks than ever. It feels like there are at least 5 more folders that are added to the stack daily, and the mountains of paperwork overwhelm me. Minseok visits from time to time, dropping off snacks majority of the time because I don’t take up on his offers to have lunch together simply due to the fact that I didn’t have any time.

Despite all of that, Junmyeon still makes the effort to see me. He comes by several times a week, and just as promised, he’s providing the groceries and I’m teaching him how to cook. He entertains and keeps me company in my quiet apartment, but continues to be a wonderful distraction to the stress that I receive from work.

We’re cooking kimchi jjigae, and albeit that we both have aprons on, I still manage to get some on my t-shirt. I grumble in repulsion of how I could be so unladylike in front of a guy I’m trying to impress.

“It’s okay,” He comforts, and that signature smile makes an appearance yet again tonight. “It’s cute, it’s the style now.”

“What? Kimchi splatter?” I’m stirring the beef at the bottom of the pot, motioning him to monitor my actions. “You should let the meat cook, occasionally moving it around so it doesn’t burn. Cut the onions and mushrooms in the meantime.”

He abides by instruction, making his way to the cutting board and begins to chop the vegetables ardently. “You look good in anything, even kimchi splatter.” I let out a laugh of disbelief in return, but his expression proved that his compliment was authentic.

Everything about Junmyeon is art. His laugh is like the melody to your favorite song, and his smile shone brighter than the sunlight that peeks through the curtains of a Sunday morning. Listening to him speak about his aspirations, his interests in artwork, and his times with his friends remind me of a character in the novel that only spewed out perfections without a single flaw in their body. Junmyeon was selfless, elegant, and intelligent. A whole package, as someone would say, but a completely different package from Chanyeol.

So when Junmyeon confesses that he might have some feelings for me, I don’t hesitate in telling him that I might feel something for him in return.

“Listen,” He begins, tapping his fingers against the lid of his iced Americano anxiously. We’re sitting in a coffee shop on a Thursday, after having lunch together at a ramen place he suggests. “This is a bit different from how I would normally date. You actually met your soulmate, you know who he is.”

“But he doesn’t want me,” I interject, and I don’t want him to continue with more reasons as to why we shouldn’t be together. “He doesn’t want me so it makes the decision not to be with him easier. I’m ready to move on, Junmyeon. At least let me try to do that with you.”

The expression on his face suggests how uneasy he’s feeling, and he’s hesitating before speaking again. “I… we can try, but I really don’t want to put a label on this yet. Let’s date, hangout, and see how it goes, okay? I don’t want to get hurt.”

I agree to his terms. I understand why he’s feeling that way; it’s even harder when my soulmate is one of his best friends.

He takes me out on dates, mostly to museums to show me his favorite artworks and his personal interpretation of the pieces. Junmyeon is passionate about things like this, and hearing his thoughts and views had become my favorite pastime. He asks me what my interests are, and I’m a bit flustered because my work is my passion. I wasn’t sure how else to show him, so I take him to the Gangnam District one night, and he’s confused.

“Why did you pick here specifically?” It’s a cold night, and he’s wearing a black turtleneck with khakis, and a light brown trench coat with matching dark backpack that’s slung over his shoulder.

“You know what Minseok does for a living, right?” He hums in thought at my question for a moment before responding.

“He said he works in the financial department of an architecture firm. Am I right?”

“Correct, but do you have any idea of what I do?” Junmyeon pauses for a moment, and he raises a brow.

“Honestly, now that I think of it, I kind of always assumed you did the same thing. But I don’t quite think numbers were your passion,” He chuckles.

“Nope,” I click my tongue, jokingly disappointed as we’re walking down the streets, the lights illuminating from the buildings surrounding us but we don’t see stars in the sky in a city like this. “I’m an architect. I design buildings. I haven’t gotten the chance to design a building myself, just systems within it, but one day, I’d like to change the Seoul skyline. Create something of my own, build something bigger than me. I know you specifically like the works of artists that focuses more on the nature of things, but… something about the city is beautiful to me.”

Junmyeon is watching me as I spill my thoughts, and I physically feel the love radiating from him. Maybe I can learn to love him too.

At this same moment, I later find out that Chanyeol is dreaming of my date with Junmyeon, and his heart aches. He suddenly wishes that he were the one listening to my passions, and holding my hand while he shares his own.

I’ve been meeting Junmyeon weekly now, so frequently that he even has the passcode to my apartment. In addition, he’s been great at occupying my thoughts from these dreams I’ve been having. Almost every night, these scenarios of a typical relationship with Chanyeol would appear—doing laundry, cooking, movie dates… there was even a sex dream. It made me a little uncomfortable waking up from that nap, because my head was rested on Junmyeon’s shoulder on the couch. I must have fallen asleep in the midst of the movie.

“Finally awake? If I knew documentaries weren’t your thing, I wouldn’t have forced you to watch it.” He has a Cheshire’s grin that spreads from ear to ear and a chuckle the escapes from his lips. “Sorry, work has just been exhausting lately. I haven’t been getting much sleep.” I concede, and a bit guilty for sleeping through the movie but also dreaming about another man right next to him. Regardless, he’s interlocking our fingers together at this point, giving me a forgiving gaze.

“Don’t worry, I like having you next to me.” His words melt my heart, and I hate that I’m comparing him to Chanyeol because it’s not the same way that Chanyeol makes me feel.

Work had been exhausting, but not exhausting enough to find myself standing outside of a flower shop, beside Chanyeol who is equally as bewildered as I am. I couldn’t remember how I got there, uncertain how Chanyeol did either, and how long we’ve been standing here.

“I—did we agree to meet here or something?” He questions. Chanyeol looks different. His hair isn’t pink anymore, but it’s a dirty blonde. It didn’t matter what shade his hair was, what outfit he wore, he just pulled off any look he wanted effortlessly. He’s dressed casually, probably coming from the recording studio.

“I… I’m not sure.” I’m scratching my head, looking at the reflection of myself in the shop’s window before I realize how I look. My hair is greasy, tied up in a messy bun, and I’m wearing a t-shirt that’s stained with kimchi that splattered on me from my cooking lessons with Junmyeon whilst in the baggiest sweatpants. I was working from home that week because my new project didn’t have an office space set up for me yet, so I took advantage of the opportunity to dress like a bum in the comfort of my home. But… I’m not home; I’m very much out in public with Chanyeol.

He shrugs off the bizareness of the situation before facing me completely. “Anyway, since I have you here, can you stop having those moments with hyung?”

“What?”

“I keep seeing your dates with him every time I sleep. I see when you hold hands, when you sleep together—I see everything. I thought that these dreams weren’t supposed to be brutal.”

“How am I supposed to control that?” I feel my neck getting hot, and I’m furious with his words, but I don’t want him to have that leverage over me.

“I don’t know, just stop or something.” He dismisses me before walking away toward the opposite direction.

This happens a couple more times, and there’s no real explanation for it. I can’t manipulate my dreams and it becomes difficult to distinguish what’s a dream and reality anymore.

There’s a knock on my door but I’m too tired to get up.

It’s been 3 days since Junmyeon left on his business trip, and with my luck, I got sick the day after he departed. It’s probably due to the rainstorm that hit the other day, and I forget my umbrella at the office so I’m drenched by the time I’m home. I’m now alone in my small apartment, trying to convince myself I’m okay by occasionally heating up the leftover delivery of Soondubu I ordered a couple days prior. However, I’m currently prioritizing slumber.

The knock gets louder. The person is adamant about getting my attention; if it was a telemarketer, they would’ve left already. I grab my phone that lies right beside my face to see if there’s any new missed phone call notifications—none. If it were one of my friends, they’d call after the first attempt right?

Then I hear the beeping from the keypad on the door. Someone’s pressing in the passcode into my apartment. The lock dings in confirmation and clicks—whomever it is… they’ve successfully gotten into my apartment. Is this when I die?

“Dude, where are you?” The door shuts behind the footsteps, and it’s a familiar deep baritone voice that calls out for me, but I’m glued to the mattress, wrapped in my blankets like a burrito. He’s just going to have to kill me like this. I’m probably the easiest victim this killer is ever going to encounter.

There’s a tall figure that reaches to my bed, and despite my horrible eyesight, I squint enough to make out the features of his face. He has a facemask on, but it’s tucked below his chin, and he has a beanie on that matches his hoodie’s shade of grey. It’s Chanyeol. Am I dreaming? Is this another one of those hallucinations?

He kneels down beside me, utilizing the back of his hand to test the temperature of my forehead, then wipes the sweat off it with his fingers which feel like ice against my skin. I could almost hear myself sizzle from the impact. “Where’s Junmyeon? He called me saying that you haven’t responded to any of his texts. He can’t call for some reason. He’s worried.”

“Oh, away. I saw he texted earlier. I must have drift off midway through typing.”

Chanyeol sighs, clicking his tongue before getting up from the bed and snatching my phone from my side. “Password? It’s not going to recognize your face when you’re looking like that.” Ouch. “1616,” I respond before shuffling back into hiding position within my blankets. Maybe my cheeks are flushed from the fact that my passcode is 1616, like the 16th note on our wrists—but I’m going to blame it on the fever. I’m hot yet cold at the same time, and I can’t even gather the energy to argue with him about my appearance right now.

“Hey,” He’s talking to someone on the other line as he paces around the room with a hand on his hip and brows furrowed in slight frustration. “She’s home, she’s been sick. Not sure how long, but she’s looking like a wreck.” Chanyeol lets out a sigh, tapping his feet against the hardwood floors of my room, and it occurs to me that he’s never been in my house before. It’s also been a while since I’ve cleaned.

He’s tightening his lips into a straight line as he listens to who I assume is Junmyeon on the other line. “It’s fine hyung, you don’t need to come back. Just finish your work there; I’ll get Minseok to come check in every once in a while. I’ll give you another call before I leave.”

After hanging up, he diverts his attention back to me before letting out another exasperated sigh. “Did you eat anything yet? Take any medicine?”

“No,” I mutter under my breath. Honestly, I wasn’t in the mood to talk, and his attitude wasn’t convincing me to try to uphold the conversation either. “It’s not time for me to get up yet.”

“It’s already 1pm, what do you mean you’re not ready to get up yet?” He’s in the process of taking off his facemask and beanie now, throwing it on the chair by my desk before rolling up his sleeves and making his way out the room. He’s gone for what feels like eternity because my eyelids are slowly drooping shut when I hear his loud steps coming from the hall with a bucket in one hand, and a towel in another.

“I’m going to clean you up,” He announces, placing the bucket on the nightstand by my bed. “I bet you haven’t showered in days, and I can already tell you reek.”

“You can tell or smell?” That’s all the comebacks I can get out of me, because Chanyeol is already inviting himself to pull the covers off my weak frame tugging on the hem of my hoodie, gesturing me to take it off. “Let me wipe you down.”

“I’m not stripping in front of you, Chanyeol.” I may be on the last portion of my human battery level, but I’m not stupid. “I’m naked under this. I don’t have a bra on.”

“Okay, but I’m your soulmate. I’ve seen you naked countless of times in my dreams. So please, take it off so I can clean you up.” So… he has seen me naked too? Does he have those sex dreams too? Should I be working to get abs if he’s dreaming about how I look under this too? Because in comparison to him—

My thoughts are interrupted when he helps himself by pulling the hoodie off my body instead of waiting for my response. I don’t even have the chance to feel insecure when he begins wiping my arms and underneath with the wet rag. I know the water is warm, but my body temperature is too hot to be able to tell the difference. It’s silent when he does this, and when he’s done with the upper half of my body, he dresses me before tugging on my pants gently. “I’m going to do your lower half now.”

I must have fallen asleep briefly from his delicate touches because once my eyes flutter open, he’s already done and my sweats are on. I couldn’t even remember being embarrassed of him seeing my bare body, because he’s already tucking me back under the covers, checking my body heat once again with the back of his hand before throwing the rag back into the bucket.

He’s leaving the room and I still can’t translate the expression on his face. I thought that meeting your soulmate was supposed to make things easier, not harder.

I think I doze off yet again, because this time when I’m stirring awake and Chanyeol is sitting in a chair beside my bed with a tray full of things. There’s a mug, medicine, and a bowl in front of him, and this is where I get to finally see his features a lot more clearly.

His hair is brown now—I’m unsure when he dyed it, but makes him look tamed compared to how he actually is. The black circles under his eyes were like a trophy to his exhaustion, probably from the endless cycles of staying up all night, working on his composition pieces at the recording studio. I haven’t talked to him much, but my dreams update me with what he was up to, more than he would ever tell me.

“Here,” He’s holding a couple of pills in his palm with a cup of water in the other hand. “Take this, and eat some of the soup I made you. You need to actually have something in your system to feel better.” I feel like a 7-year-old child being lectured by her father, but to be fair… I’m acting like one. For once, I decide not to start a fight and comply, taking the pills into my mouth and drinking from the glass he’s holding before handing it back. The size of it makes it tough to swallow, and I can feel it sitting in my throat.

“Open.” His face is making it hard to read any of his emotions, but he has the spoonful of what I assume is chicken soup near my face, I stare at him for a moment before opening my mouth questioningly as he feeds me. If he’s poisoning me right now, I think I’d be okay with it because the soup surprisingly tastes delicious.

Honestly… after meeting Chanyeol, I never thought I could possibly even imagine this scenario. He’s actually… feeding me. He’s taking care of me while I’m sick. His face is distorted from the worry he has for me, but there’s hints of anger because I obviously couldn’t manage myself. I let him look after me while my thoughts run in circles, thinking what if Junmyeon had been here. I would’ve never been able to see Chanyeol in this light.

How many times have I fallen asleep with him here?

I feel something heavy on my midriff, and a warm body pressed from behind that has me turning around curiously to face the suspect, only to bump noses with the one and only—Chanyeol. Nose scrunched up from the impact, he has his one arm wrapped around me, my head resting on the other, and his body spooning my own. He looks peaceful like this, quiet – not a word coming from his mouth that strings along insults toward me, and his brows aren’t wrinkled in frustration like it always is when he’s looking at me. His mouth is slightly agape, and I can’t help but stare at his plump lips. My heart is fluttering just at the sight of him, stomach boiling from anxiety that it reminds me of my encounters with my first crush in middle school. He spent the whole day taking care of me, and he’s probably exhausted, knocking out right next to me, potentially infected with this fever I have.

I despise myself being in this position. I should tell him to move – I’m trying to convince Junmyeon that I didn’t have feelings for Chanyeol, and Chanyeol didn’t feel anything for me either, despite being soulmates, but right now… I like the feeling of being in his arms, I like that I can feel his chest moving against my back with his soft patterned breathing, and I like that he’s snuggling in just to feel closer to me.

Chanyeol is stirred awake, shuffling in his position as he rubs his face with the arm that once draped over me. I quickly turn myself back to face away from him and pretended to sleep before I feel his nose nuzzling into the crook of my neck as he hums quietly, and I’m not sure if he recognizes I’m awake or not with this action.

He’s muttering against my skin, and I’m unable to tell the difference between the warmth of his breath as he speaks, or if it’s my fever acting up again. “Is it too late to tell you that I want you to be mine? Am I the first person to lose their soulmate by making the mistake of telling her I didn’t want to be with her?” Chanyeol pauses for a moment, before he takes in a deep breath. “I care about hyung, and I know he’s developing feelings for you… but I really want to steal you away. I think I’m in love with you.”

Okay—I’m steaming hot. I can feel my face and ears flushing crimson, and I can’t say anything because I’m supposed to be sleeping, and I wouldn’t even know how to respond anyway.

I felt his lips pressed against my neck, and chills go down my spine before he releases me from his hold, getting up from the bed before making his way out of the room and possibly into the kitchen. I’m kicking off the sheets from my body, sitting against the bed frame, and my heart is beating so fast and hard that I can’t keep up.

This is everything I asked for. Just to be with my soulmate – but then Junmyeon is running laps through my mind every time I get closer to Chanyeol, and vice versa. Before today, I was okay with knowing that Junmyeon might be it, he might be my end game and although we weren’t bounded together, his feelings for me were genuine… plus not everyone ends up with their soulmate, right?

“I’m the stars, and you’re the city. You can’t see the stars in the city because of all the lights surrounding it, and I’ve already come to terms that Chanyeol is that light for you. I know that you’re going to try to convince me otherwise, but it’s a natural instinct for you to go to him, and it’s okay.” Poetic, even when he’s breaking my heart.

Junmyeon is leaning on the railing that perimeters the Han River, hair tucked in his black beanie that contrasts with his primary multi-color Northface jacket that compliments him so well. His cheeks are tinted pink from the crisp winter air and it reminds me that another year has passed since I’ve met him.

“I’m happy that I got to be with you, even if it was just for a moment. But I knew that I didn’t have you completely; there was still a part of you that resided with Chanyeol.”

“Please don’t do this,” I blurted. “I don’t understand why you’re doing this if you’re happy with me.”

He turns to face me, and his lips tug into an apologetic smile. His hands are rested on my shoulders in reassurance, knowing that this isn’t something he wants to do, but Junmyeon is altruistic. This is something Chanyeol needs, and he’d do anything to make his friend happy. It’s who Junmyeon is, and I can’t help but admire him for it.

“He’ll be here for you this time. He learned from his mistakes, and he’s willing to try. Why don’t you give him a chance?”

“He didn’t give me a chance when we met.” Tears are brimming in my eyes because the one person I thought wasn’t going to go is leaving me. “I thought you said you were going to stay.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” His thumb is pressed against my cheek, swiping away the stream coming from my eyes. “But Chanyeol is made for you. You’re never going to be able to love me like him. Your dreams are eventually going to take over, and whenever you see him with someone else, and when he sees me with you, it’s going to hurt the both of you physically.”

“We don’t have to see him—“

“You know I can’t do that. He’s like a brother to me.” He bites his bottom lip for a brief moment in thought before what it feels like forever, he speaks again. “When I left that week, I felt uneasy asking him to come check in on you. I knew that he wasn’t going to be able to hold back. He told me that after spending some time with you, despite the fact he’s met up with all these girls that only made him feel empty inside, he finally felt whole seeing you. He didn’t want to be with you because he wanted to option to choose you, he didn’t want someone, or something like fate to decide for him.”

I’m left without words, and I turn my head because it’s proven difficult to gather the courage to look at his face.

“I need you to be strong, and let me go. You won’t be as happy with me as you are with him. It’s how the universe works, love.”

I’ve been crying for days, and Junmyeon still hasn’t responded to any of my texts or calls. Eyes swollen that my face has become indistinguishable, my phone’s facial recognition just tells me to punch in the code now. I couldn’t even bring myself to leave my apartment anymore, so I’ve taken personal days off from work – I usually never did this since my emotions never truly got to the best of me, but it might have been the heartbreak and the constant overworking that finally broke me down.

I’m wrapped in my blanket once again, this time I’m not sick with a fever, but diagnosed with a broken heart. Bob’s Burgers is playing on the television screen in front of me; the show that once easily brought me light laughter from the stupidity of the jokes, suddenly doesn’t. I feel numb.

There’s a knock at the door, and there’s nothing in me that wants to get up to see the unwelcomed visitor, but my legs beat my thoughts to it because I’m already opening the door.

“Sorry, I know I’m probably the last person you want to see.” Bags of groceries occupy his hands, and he lifts an arm up to show. Chanyeol is wearing a baseball cap, a black t-shirt that hangs loose from his body and blue jeans. How’s he still so handsome like this? Wait. No, I’m pissed at him. “Let me at least take care of you while you’re grieving.”

“I’m grieving because of you,” I spat. “If you just agreed to be with me in the first place, I wouldn’t have been with Junmyeon, and we could have been fine. If you just continued to fuck around, Junmyeon would’ve just stayed. You had to tell him that you wanted this?”

“You know he wouldn’t have stayed if he knew you felt something for me.” And for the first time, I agreed with him. I have been shoving my emotions down my throat, refraining myself from being completely honest with Junmyeon because the dreams had been eating me up inside. I was running out of energy, day by day, because I was denying the possibility of there being a Chanyeol and I, and I was being punished for it.

I remained quiet before stepping aside, letting him into my apartment.

He makes his way into the kitchen from being familiar with the layout the last time he’s been here. Sitting back in the living room to resume my show, I peek over occasionally to watch. He had ingredients to make pasta, and his face is scrunched in diligence. We didn’t exchange words, we didn’t argue but continued to enjoyed the company of each other after that.

The silence ultimately shatters when Nam Joohyuk is standing naked in a scene of ‘the Bride of Habaek’ because Chanyeol bursts into laughter. From that moment on, my apartment felt livelier with him in it.

These nights eventually became recurrent. His clothes residing in a designated drawer in my dresser and space is made in my closet that has his name invisibly written over it.

Slowly, I’ve noticed that I’m not as tired as I was before. I felt refreshed, and skeptical that it’s because of Chanyeol’s evident presence that’s more frequent. After a while, I’m starting to believe that the debilitation between the two of us was due to the lack of each other’s company.

We schedule a dinner date at my place at 7, but he calls then tells me that he’s going to be leaving the studio late, and the instant a dubious sensation agitates my stomach, he’s at my house at 11 with soft pink tulips in his hand that reminds me back to when his hair was bubblegum.

“I’m late,” He states the obvious, but he’s bouncing on the tips of his toes anxiously as he observes the look on my face. “But I made Baekhyun run out to grab these for you while I was stuck. Forgive me?”

I think that moment was when I began to forgive Chanyeol for letting me go in the beginning.

Months later, I’m coming back from another rough day at work, tapping my fingertips on the keypad into my apartment before the door flings open just a moment before I’ve finished typing. “Oh?”

There he is, standing before me with a smile that’s brighter than the sun and warms me like not just any Sunday morning, but every morning. The chuckle that escapes from his lips at my startled expression isn’t like the melody to my favorite song, but becomes my favorite song. His voice when he says my name is as smooth and sweet as honey, deep enough to bring goosebumps to my skin.

“Happy birthday,” Chanyeol sings, pulling me into his embrace, my face is deep into his chest from the height difference. I’ve never felt more home than in his arms.

Between now and when I finally agreed to be with him, Chanyeol had completely turned around. We live together now, but other of that, we were taking the relationship slow. He was proving himself worthy, taking place of what used to be Junmyeon’s shoes and attempting his best to fill them, bringing us out on weekly dates, attentively listening to my opinion on shows, cooking with me at night, and even sharing his prized works with me. He says that his music used to reflect on the “me-shaped” hole in his heart, but he felt whole now, and I was the muse to the happiness in his pieces. A bit cringey, I admit—but it was his way of showing his love, and I liked that. He wasn’t usually like this.

“Everyone is already inside, hurry in.” His hands wrap around my wrist, where my marking appeared to glow these days, tugging me into the living room where his friends are seated and gathered around the coffee table with a lit birthday cake in the middle. His friends had become my own, and grew to be a family of choice that shared and celebrated milestones together.

I see Junmyeon squished between Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, bickering at each other before he shoves them out the way, getting up and lifting the cake up to me with the saccharine grin on his face. “Happy birthday, love. Make a wish.”

I didn’t have any wishes for myself this time around. What I learned from Junmyeon was to be a little more selfless—and I wished for him to meet someone who loved him as much as I did when I was with him. I wanted him to be as happy as I am now, sacrificing his own happiness so that both of his best friends could be happy too.

fin.

continued ending, though from junmyeon’s standpoint.

#chanyeol fanfics #chanyeol fics #chanyeol x reader #junmyeon x reader #suho x reader #suho fanfics #suho fanfiction #kfanfic #kfanfiction #chanyeol #suho #junmyeon #gyukultfics

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justjessame · 3 years

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Starting Over Chapter 5

The silence the descended was absolute for a few too many beats, and I could swear the heat from my face made the room temperature grow as well.

“Did Steve put his foot in his mouth as firmly as I tend to?” I managed to choke out somehow.

Bucky’s smirk found its home and he nodded. “It was a defining trait.” He sunk a little deeper into the chair, getting a little more comfortable. “Do you pick fights in alleys?”

I shook my head while I faked some consideration. “Can’t say I do.”

“Well at least that’s an improvement.” That flash of white again, and he took another drink from his water. “He liked to keep me busy, checking alleys for where he picked the next fight with the guy three times his size.”

I chuckled. “Until he was the guy three times his size.” I bit my lip. “It must have been surreal seeing him, when he came looking so different.” Bucky looked down at his lap, his smile growing at the memory. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t do that.”

He lifted his head so our eyes met again. “Do what?”

“Delve into your past,” I scrunched up my nose. “It’s rude, right?”

“Gotta ask questions if we’re getting to know one another, Brooke.” He squinted and glanced around my living room, as if he realized I was the most inquisitive one. “Was it just you and your folks?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I was a late in life baby.” What was that term my mom used? “A menopause baby? I guess that's what Mom said.” I smiled, remembering how Mom and Dad used to brag about how they’d given up on the idea of babies and then she got pregnant with me. “They thought they couldn’t have babies, they’d tried for so long, and then SURPRISE.”

“I was the oldest of four,” he offered with a soft smile. “Siblings aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.” I grinned back. “You said something earlier about me looking the same since 1945 -”

I opened my mouth to say - what? That I’m an idiot, well duh. “I shouldn’t have -”

“You’re right,” he chuckled. “I do. Look the same, but that makes it harder for me too.” I nodded. “And not only because I was an agent of death who killed without mercy.” He said it with such deadpan delivery that I stared at him for the same silent beat that my ‘kinky’ comment earned me. “Wow, is this what you felt like a minute ago?” He cringed and I grabbed the throw pillow next to me and tossed it at him, but he caught it in his metal hand without flinching. Fuck.

“You suck.” I pouted as he chuckled. “Did you just make a joke about your past?”

He stopped laughing and thought about it, almost startled by his own flippancy. “Yeah, I think I did.”

It was late when Bucky insisted he head out. I tried to talk him into staying in my guest room, but he was adamant that he get to his own apartment. Rolling my eyes, I held out my hand and he stared at it.

“Phone?” I waited as he continued to stare. “Bucky, if we’re going to continue this friendship, you’re going to have to have a way to contact me other than knocking on my door. I mean, what if I go out or I don’t know, make friends with another former assassin? Or hell, aren’t there some stray Avengers running around in the city?” He shook his head and sighed, but fished his phone out of his pocket. “This relationship is going to work MUCH better if you just give in to me, trust me.” I swiped the phone open, and glanced at him. “You do know that a code of some sort would be a better lock, right?” He groaned and I shook my head again. “OK, Grandpa.” A few taps and I had my number in along with my name. “I’m not putting a selfie in here, Bucky, I could just download one of Steve, since we’re the same to you, but I think you should work that out on your own.” I handed it back to him as he gave me an already long suffering look. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to text me, I like to talk on the phone.”

“Really?” I stared down at me with a look of disbelief. “You don’t mind talking on the phone?” I grinned up at him and nodded. “Isn’t that too old timey?” He looked like he’d swallowed straight pickle juice and I giggled.

“I see you’ve been on some online dating sites,” his cringe grew. “Oh that’s never a good plan,” I cringed with him. “Swiping for love? Let’s not, Buck.” I handed him his pizza leftovers. “Your half, I swear I didn’t nibble.” He rolled his eyes at me. “Hey,” we were at my door and he stopped and looked confused. “Thanks for walking me home.”

“Don’t mention it, Brooke,” he started to open the door, but this time it was my hand on his arm, the metal one, that stopped him.

“I mean it,” he was looking down at me, and I went on my tiptoes to brush my lips against his cheek. “Goodnight, Buck.”

He smelled like leather, metal, and hops and he was warm. And when I was back on the soles of my feet he was still looking down at me. “Night, Brooke.” He whispered, then the door was open and he was gone.

The lack of noise that Bucky Barnes moved with was something that I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to. I locked the door behind him, thinking that Bucky Barnes the man was someone that I wanted to get used to.

#bucky barnes/oc #the falcon and the winter soldier #alternate universe #fluff #slow burn

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thran-duils · 4 years

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Sex and Candy

Title: Sex and Candy Summary: Fem!Reader x AU!Dean (S15), Fem!Reader x AU!Castiel. Based on the alternate universe presented to us in Season 15 with the trust fund versions of Dean and Sam. The reader is married to Dean but is forced to face Castiel again, a past flame from her time at the hunter academy. After a fight with Dean, she finds herself asking Castiel to join her at a hotel, unable to let go of the past. Words: 3,818 Warnings (for the fic in entirety): Angst, infidelity, smut Author’s Note: This was purposely left the way it was for you guys to make your own conclusions about what happens! ;)

Masterpost (mobile)

I smell sex and candy here, mmm Who's that lounging in my chair? Mmm Who's that casting devious stares in my direction? Momma this surely is a dream, yeah Yeah, momma this surely is a dream, dig it --Marcy’s Playground, Sex & Candy

Dean’s hand was at your lower back, guiding you through the door. Headquarters were fairly quiet, which was out of the ordinary. Many of the hunters in the area were not around having been dealt with an influx of monsters somehow escaping purgatory. Word was it had something to do with two rogue hunters who had messed around with some extremely powerful supernatural artifact and it had caused a rift in between the two worlds. You detested hunters who had not been given formal training through the academy and kept within the reins of John, your father in law’s, circle. They made your jobs all the more difficult more often than not.

The two of you stepped into the elevator, nodding in greeting at the guard standing nearby.

Once the doors closed, Dean told you, “Dad’s in a bad mood.”

“Oh?” you asked, barely feigning a tone of interest. You adjusted the silver Tiffany’s bracelet on your wrist, thinking to yourself that this was not news; John was usually not in a good mood. He was overbearing to say the least. It had taken everything in Dean to tell him he wanted to move out of the house with you. Luckily for you, John had a soft spot for you due to your hunting skills and had not put up much of a fuss. You had held back a scowl though when he had chirped that at least Dean had a homemaker to take care of him. You did not have to clean up after him, thankfully, considering the staff at your home. You loved Dean, there was no doubt, but his less desirable traits – being dependent and needing to be coddled at times – left you with a sour taste in your mouth more and more often.

Pulling at his collar to straighten it out, Dean sighed, “Yes. Apparently, he’s found out who the hunters are and wants to do something about them.” Your gaze slid to him and by the look on your face, Dean held up his hands, his gold cuff links catching the light. “Sammy refused.”

“Sam always refuses things like this.” Sighing, your fingers dug into your clutch. “He has got to stop punishing you sometime for moving out. He needs to start doing some of the dirty work.”

“I hardly think searching them out to ask them what the heck went wrong is dirty work, Y/N.”

The elevator door opened, and you closed your mouth, not wanting to continue this discussion outside the privacy of it.

You cut in front of Dean, your annoyance apparent. You heard him sigh heavily behind you, but you did not care, making your way down the hall towards John’s office.

Knowing better than to just enter, you knocked on the door and heard John beckon you in. Swinging the door open, you felt Dean at your back as you entered the room.

John was sitting behind his intricately carved desk that he had had imported in. Papers were stacked neatly, him working on one thing at a time. He was adamant about keeping his desk clean and to do so, he would not be rushed. One of the other board members for the academy, Arthur, was sitting opposite John.

Taking his glasses off, John moved to put his pen back in its holder. He gestured at the empty chair beside you, and you sat, keeping your back straight. Arthur was watching you out of the corner of his eye and you stiffened even further. He had been particularly hard on you as one of your mentors in school and you had not forgotten.

“You look upset, Y/N,” John commented.

You waved him off and said, “I am just impatient about learning who caused this latest mishap. And what is going to be done about it.”

“Impatience has always been a fault of yours,” Arthur commented, and you bit back a comment as John continued, “Well, it turns out it was two of the academy’s.”

“Are you joking?” Dean blurted from behind you where he was standing.

John shot him a look and Dean closed his mouth. “That is not something I would joke about, Dean. It was a major, major bungle. Yes, it was two that should know better, but I am not surprised at the same time. Novak and Crowley.”

His eyes were on you as he revealed this and unable to stop yourself, you closed your eyes, letting out a small sigh. Of course, it was. And no wonder Sam would turn this down as he knew yours and Castiel’s history; anything to put Dean and you in an uncomfortable position.

A small smirk on his lips, John told you specifically, “I thought it would be best to send you. And of course, Dean would go as well. You two are partners.”

“Naturally,” you responded tightly.

This was the last thing you wanted to do with your time. Being in Castiel’s presence never ended up being dressed in the past. Circumstances were different now and you were going to have to try to break that trend. You were already on edge and this was not going to help you to keep your composure seeing the smug look on his face.

<> <> <>

“Why am I not surprised they would be in a place like this?” Dean asked as the two of you ascended the short staircase to the bar.

It was a rowdy place, placed in an urban center.

“They are the dive bar type,” you told him, speaking louder as the swell of the music met you at the door. You held out your ID for the bouncer and he quickly waved you through, not even bothering to look at Dean’s considering he saw what your last name was already. Winchester got you into many places and underground establishments without the bat of an eye.

It did not take you long to locate them inside. They were waiting to play the next game of pool; Castiel was leaning back in his chair, legs propped up on the table, drink in hand. Crowley was next to him, dressed in crisp black as usual. Castiel’s hair was loose, his beard growing to a 5 o’clock shadow.

Crowley spotted you and Dean first. He nudged Castiel and said something to him as the two of you approached the table. Castiel turned his head and a smirk grew on his face seeing you, chuckling as he looked back down at his drink. He brought the pint to his lips and took a long swig.

“We need to talk,” you told them over the music, standing beside Castiel, glaring down at the pair of them.

“John Winchester sent his lap dogs instead of coming himself?” Crowley asked, giving you a scornful look.

Your mouth fell open slightly and before you could retort something nasty, Dean stepped forward. “It would be appreciated if the two of you could cooperate. It would make things so much easier. It’s not just my father; it’s the whole board.”

Castiel cleared his throat, moving to drop his feet off the table. “I suppose we are about to get our asses handed to us based on the demeanor here.”

“You’re damn right,” you spat.

“Oh, language,” Dean told you over his shoulder and you did not miss the smirk on both Castiel and Crowley’s faces. “No need to stoop to their level, Y/N.”

Castiel gestured across the table. “Sit.”

Dean looked apprehensive about sitting on the chair, no doubt worrying about his pressed slacks. You on the other hand, did not care in the slightest. You sat down, placing your wallet on the table between you and Dean. Castiel’s eyes were following your movements and you shot him a vexed look and clenched your jaw when he winked in return. It went missed by Dean as usual, him being too absorbed in keeping himself clean.

“So, what does the old man want to say?” Crowley asked, swirling the whiskey in his glass slowly. He was not going to let his disdain for John go.

Clearing his throat, Dean said ignoring the jab – or perhaps it went over his head, which was more likely –, “He wants to know what happened, why it happened, and how you propose to fix it.”

“Well, that is a lot of information and could take some time –”

“Give us the short version,” you snapped, interrupting him.

Crowley cocked his head, drawling, “You’re as charming as ever, Y/N.” You said nothing in response. “Fine. We were trying to send a monster back to purgatory –”

“What?” Dean demanded at the same time you blurted, “Why?”

“Well, if you would let me explain myself,” Crowley said tightly, narrowing his eyes. “We wanted to see if it could be done. Why continue wasting resources killing the monsters when we could just open a rift and send them to purgatory?”

“And you decided to do this without, I don’t know, discussing this with anyone else? Or asking for help?” you asked.

“Didn’t think any of you tight asses would be up to it.”

“And for good reason!”

Holding his hand up at you, Crowley said, “That is exactly why we didn’t ask for help. We researched it on our own, found the artifact we needed, and preformed the ritual ourselves. It did not go as we planned but we did do it. We opened a rift. Now, if we could perfect it –”

Dean cut in, holding up his hand, “Yeah, that’s not going to be happening. The Board wants you to turn over whatever artifact you used so we can keep it hidden to prevent this from happening again."

Crowley and Castiel exchanged a quick look, an entire conversation happening in a matter of moments between the two of them.

“And if we don’t hand it over?” Castiel questioned, coyly.

You exhaled impatiently as Dean scoffed, “You can’t be serious to want to defy the Board.”

“If we give it up to them, they’ll never pursue the idea.”

“That’s not entirely true.”

“But they’ll take our hard work and claim the credit for themselves if it ends up being perfected.”

“That’s the point of the Board and the academy. It is to keep all of our collective research in one centralized place so everyone has access to it.”

Crowley cut into their conversation angrily, “That is exactly why I hated attending that bloody academy. The stuffed up, old pricks—” Dean flinched at the insult. “--there want to keep everything to themselves while the rest of us do the groundwork for them.” Castiel nodded in agreement, taking a drink of his beer.

Dean looked at you for support and you leaned forward, catching both of the men’s attention across the table. “Look. You know there’s two ways this is playing out. You agree to hand it over or we go back and tell the Board they’ve got two hunters they need to get information out of.”

“You mean, you two won’t be the ones shaking us down?” Castiel quipped, a playful glint in his eyes.

You were tired of him flirting, pushing your buttons that he knew how to press all too well.

Annoyed, you retorted, “They’re not sending Dean and I to get our hands dirty by forcing information out of you two. We are here as liaisons.”

“No. No, I suppose they wouldn’t be sending the pair of you,” Crowley said. “You haven’t done hard work in years. That’s for the grunts, isn’t it?”

You had had enough. Pushing the chair back with a loud squeak, you stood up quickly, grabbing your wallet. “I’m finished with this conversation. Dean, if you would like to continue trying to reason with these idiots, I’ll be in the car.”

It annoyed you even further to see Dean quickly get up to follow you. Part of you hoped he would have had the backbone to continue trying to coerce them, but then again, he seemed to always be following your lead.

“No, I see a lost cause when I see one,” Dean said, standing close to you.

You tore your eyes away from him to look at Crowley and Castiel once more. Castiel was taking a swig, his eyes running up your body and you had the urge to smack the glass out of his hands, spilling the contents all over him. You gave a disgusted scoff before turning and storming away from the table. Hearing Crowley crow after you to have a good night made your blood boil even more.

<> <> <>

Dean walked out of the bathroom in your bedroom in the suite, robe wrapped tightly around him. He was brushing his teeth while searching for his slippers. He found them and disappeared back into the bathroom. He had not wanted to go back home tonight, opting to pay for a luxurious room for the two of you to lounge in. You were not relaxing though, still infuriated with the salacious way Castiel had kept looking at you. It had set you aflame to feel those same lustful feelings when you had seen him. The man rubbed you completely the wrong way and yet, you still yearned to turn those feelings of annoyance into passion.

“Well, we tried,” Dean told you, emerging once more.

Rolling your eyes, you said, “Not hard enough. They should not feel the right to refuse a request like this.”

“I don’t know what you thought we could do more.”

He was so ready to give up. Dean typically gave up at the first signs of difficulty and passed the buck to someone else to handle. You had been okay enough with it at first with your brazen personality you had no problem picking up tough situations and making sure they got solved. But tonight, after seeing Castiel, the stress and annoyance was boiling over.

“Are you fucking serious, Dean?” You demanded. His mouth fell open at your cursing and you said, “Oh, come off it! Are you serious? We could have done it ourselves. We could have brought them in. You know I would have been able to get them in cuffs myself.”

“Y/N, that would not have worked. Two on two? And you would have caused a scene in the bar. There’s no reason to get police involved.”

Snapping, you shouted, “Dean, can you just for once do…” You caught yourself, closing your eyes. You had been about to lose your temper and say something you were going to regret. Breathing deeply, you tried to push the anger back below the surface. You needed air; you needed some release. Turning and snatching your purse, you searched for your shoes. “Never mind.”

“Can I do what?” Dean pressed when he recovered from your outburst as you made to go grab your jacket.

“It’s not worth it,” you dismissed him.

Dean stepped closer, concern laced in his features. “Apparently it is if you’re this upset.”

“This is what I’m talking about,” you said exasperated, gesturing at him. “You should be mad at me for being mad at you and yelling.”

“Why would I do that?”

Letting out a small growl, you turned and stormed towards the door.

“Where are you going?” He called after you, worried.

“Out!”

‘It’s late, Y/N!”

“Don’t wait up for me then.”

<> <> <>

Lying on the bed naked, you waited, flipping through your phone. You had gone down the street, paying for a room at a far less extravagant hotel in cash. No paper trail was going to be left for John to find.

When you heard the key at the door – you had asked the front desk to hold one for pick up – you lowered your phone. The door opened and Castiel walked in.

“Jesus, Y/N,” he snapped seeing you and rushing to close the door and lock it behind him.

You ignored his outburst, leaning over and placing your phone on the bedside table. “Figured you would have slowed down on the drinking after seeing me. I like being right.”

“History does have a way of informing my decisions,” Castiel replied, taking a few steps further into the room. He was looking at your bare skin, eyes lingering. You made a hum of approval, lying back on the bed, legs crossed, giving a shielded view of your pussy. Castiel tore his eyes away and asked, “Is this a trap?”

Smiling coyly, you asked, “Do you want to risk the opportunity to find out?”

“I suppose not.” He removed his jacket, tossing it on the chair next to the desk. His fingers hooked into the hem of his shirt and he pulled it over his head. He was not going to waste time giving you the opportunity to change your mind about all this.

“Come here,” you ordered him, sitting up and getting onto your knees at the edge of the bed.

You undid his belt and his pants, allowing him to shimmy to let them fall to the ground. His boxers went next and he pushed you back onto the bed, crawling on top of you.

“You got a condom?” he breathed into your ear, letting out a low groan when your hand found his cock.

Stroking, you whispered back, “No.”

“No?”

“Did I stutter? You’re safe, right?”

“That’s romantic—” Castiel started to say but your hand cupped his balls and he groaned again. “Yes. Yes. I got tested a couple weeks ago, actually.”

“How fortuitous,” you answered, stroking him again. You were rewarded with a throaty chuckle from him and his lips landing on yours. He drug his lips across yours, relishing in the taste.

Castiel growled, losing patience. He pushed your hand away and lined himself up with your entrance. He slid in, slamming his mouth to yours as you opened up for him. His composure was slipping feeling your tightness around him as he began thrusting in and out. You knew he was not this crazy for anyone else. You kissed him back with fervor, falling into the familiar rhythm; you had not felt him like this in over a year. The last had been shortly after you and Dean had gotten married and you had held out for this long by avoiding him up until tonight.

“I missed you,” you gasped, dragging your lips along his jaw before coming back to nip at his lip.

His tongue slipped past your lips and you moved to wrap your arms around his neck as he continued to steadily move in and out, you dripping around him.

You pushed him away and he looked at you momentarily confused. You began to shift position, and he followed your motion, pulling out to let you guide him. Climbing on top of him, you slid down his length. You rode him, each dive pushing him deeper until he bottomed out. Increasing your speed, your hands planted on his chest, moans leaving your throat. Praises fell from Castiel, his fingers digging into your sides.

“You look so fucking sexy, baby,” he grunted, his eyes following your tits bouncing.

You were close and you let go of him to put your hands on the headboard. Gripping tightly, you used it as leverage to quicken your pace, crying out as his cock brushed your core.

“Cum for me,” Castiel said. “Come on, baby, I wanna feel it.”

You cried out, losing your rhythm. Castiel took the opportunity to hold you in place tighter, continuing to plummet into you as you saw stars. You barely registered feeling Castiel fill you up, his fingers bruising with his grip.

Collapsing on the bed next to him, you breathed deeply, trying to calm yourself.

Silence fell between the two of you, both staring at the ceiling. It was becoming too much, being this close to him. You had messed up yet again. You knew the moment John told you who you were going to go after that you would, but you had tried so desperately to lie to yourself about the inevitable outcome. You needed some space or something to drink to make yourself relax.

Clearing your throat, you asked, “You want a drink? I bought a bottle.” You swung your legs over the side of the bed and got out, walking over to the mini fridge. You pulled out the bottle of whiskey, placing it on the counter to be able to reach over and grab two of the Styrofoam provided cups. He had not answered but you were pouring him one all the same.

You tossed a look over your shoulder at Castiel. He was propped up on his elbow, looking at you with longing.

“What?” you asked lightly, although your heart was pounding. You knew that look.

“I still love you, you know.”

The admission made you falter, as you put the cap back on the bottle. Recovering, you quickly screwed the lid back on and put the bottle back in the fridge, grabbing one of the cans of pop to split it between the cups. You tossed the can into the recycling bin.

“I’m fully aware, Cas,” you finally said shortly.

You heard him chuckle behind you. “You were always terrible with affection, Y/N.”

Now you turned to him, shooting him a glare. “Like you’re the poster child for it.”

“Touché.”

Swallowing sharply, you threw your hand out. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Cas.”

“You almost told me earlier. You said you missed me.”

“Well… I do.”

Castiel sighed, “But you can’t just come out and say it.”

Scoffing, you said, “Cas, I’m married.” It was his turn to scoff, and he swept his arm around at the messed-up sheets and the scene between you. “You know what I mean.”

“No. I don’t. Explain yourself.”

“I love Dean,” you snapped, and his mouth formed a tight line. You knew he hated hearing that, despite the fact it was the truth.

“You can love more than one person at a time, Y/N.”

Shaking your head, you told him defiantly, “No. No I can’t. Not for my own sanity.”

“You reached out to me. You cut me out and then the moment you saw me again, all that resolve you tried to have disappeared almost instantly. You know there’s a reason for that.”

Opening your mouth, you closed it again, at loss for words. He was staring at you expectantly, waiting for an answer.

He was right and it cut deep knowing he was right. You had feelings for them both and it was for different reasons. Dean would never be Cas and Cas would never be Dean. Why could you not have them both? It was not possible, but you wanted it. So badly.

Raising your gaze again, you met his burning stare. “Fine,” you whispered. “Fine, Castiel. I do love you too.”

“Then do something about it.”

~~~

CASTIEL FOREVER TAGS: @willowing-love @perseusandmedusa @greenappleeyes @afanofmanystuffs @earthtokace @shikaros-blog @marisayouass @splendidcas

#castiel x reader #au!castiel fic #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfic #au!dean #au!dean x reader #my shit

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