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wisteria-lodge · 14 days

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I’d love if you ever expanded your thoughts on the way JKR writes romance, because it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. One thing that’s very interesting to me is that jealousy is used as a driving force for both of the main romantic storylines in HP. It’s more obvious with Ron/Hermione (the Yule Ball, basically everything that happens between them in book 6, the locket horcrux stuff) but also plays a big role in Harry/Ginny. Harry’s jealousy of her relationship with Dean is what makes him realize he’s into her, and moments where he’s pining for Ginny tend to focus on that jealousy more than an actual appreciation of Ginny’s personality. The most important part of writing a convincing romance is making readers believe that these characters actually care about each other and want to spend time together, and it feels like maybe what you describe as JKR’s obsession with pining made her lose sight of that. What do you think?

We've also got jealousy as a motif in Harry/Cho and Severus/Lily. It is absolutely a trope she uses, a lot.

When I was trying to get my head around how JKR writes romance, the main thing that made it click for me was realizing that, to her - romance is inherently threatening. And/or embarrassing, overpowering, animalistic, dangerous. (thanks to @the-phoenix-heart for that line.)

Really, the Harry Potter books are kind of a romance-free zone. It is incredibly unusual to see a romantic couple, acting like a couple, on the page. We spend a lot of time with Arthur and Molly, and while they’re both pretty fleshed out as characters, we get almost nothing of their couple dynamic (and what we do get doesn’t seem all that positive…) The blocking tends to physically separate them - Molly isn’t at the World Cup or Harry’s hearing, Arthur is working overtime when Harry is at the Burrow, etc. This is a pattern: her romantic couples, of which there are not many, have a way of being in different rooms, on different side quests, one of them is mind-controlled, one of them is unconscious, it cuts to black right before Harry kisses Cho, and right after he kisses Ginny.

Ron/Hermione takes place mostly outside of Harry’s perspective, and Harry/Ginny takes place mostly out of *the reader's* perspective. It’s a lot of narration, a lot of “Harry could not help himself talking to Ginny, laughing with her, walking back from practice with her” and “[Harry] was supposedly finishing his Herbology homework but in reality reliving a particularly happy hour he had spent down by the lake with Ginny at lunchtime.” Like, I don’t know. I might have liked to see those scenes play out.

Bill/Fleur is probably her most successful couple (I mean, who doesn't like Bill and Fleur?) But even they almost never interact with each other. They talk about their relationship to other people, other people talk about them, but like… I’m just going to go through a rundown of every single time Bill and Fleur interact as a romantic couple:

“’E is always so thoughtful,” purred Fleur adoringly, stroking Bill’s nose. Ginny mimed vomiting into her cereal behind Fleur. Harry choked over his cornflakes.

(Romance = embarrassing)

What if [Ron and Hermione] became like Bill and Fleur, and it became excruciatingly embarrassing to be in their presence, so that he was shut out for good?

(Romance = embarassing, threatening)

Most [of the people at Dumbledore’s funeral] Harry did not recognize, but a few he did, including (...) Bill supported by Fleur and followed by Fred and George

(put a pin in this one, I’m going to come back to it)

“Bah,” said Fleur [in Harry’s body], checking herself in the microwave door, “Bill, don’t look at me — I’m ’ideous.”

(I actually think this is kind of cute in context, but unfortunately JKR is being uncharitable to her hyper-femme characters again, and being weird about woman-in-male-body *sigh*)

“I’m taking Fleur on a thestral,” said Bill. “She’s not that fond of brooms.” Fleur walked over to stand beside him, giving him a soppy, slavish look that Harry hoped with all his heart would never appear on his face again.

(Romance = embarrassing)

“We saw [Mad-Eye die]” said Bill; Fleur nodded, tear tracks glittering on her cheeks...

(Not sure if this counts as them interacting, but they are at least next to each other)

“No,” said Bill at once, “I’ll do it, I’ll come.” “Where are you going?” said Tonks and Fleur together. “Mad-Eye’s body,” said Lupin. “We need to recover it.”

(this one doesn’t even frame them as a couple, since the teams have split into Bill and Lupin and Tonks and Fleur.)

“We can’t tell you what we’re doing,” said Harry flatly. “You’re in the Order, Bill, you know Dumbledore left us a mission. We’re not supposed to talk about it to anyone else.” Fleur made an impatient noise, but Bill did not look at her.”

(... does this imply that Fleur isn’t in the Order? Anyway, they’re married at this point, and kinda disagreeing a la Molly and Arthur)

[Griphook] continued to request trays of food in his room, like the still frail Ollivander, until Bill (following an angry outburst from Fleur) went upstairs to tell him that the arrangement could not continue.

(Another conflict, but hey, at least it sounds like they resolved it. We hear about their daughter Victoire in the epilogue, but this is the last time we see Bill and Fleur together.)

But, okay. Not putting romance in the Harry Potter books is a perfectly fine creative choice. JKR can absolutely decide she just wants to give other things more emotional weight. What clarified this for me was the Fantastic Beasts films and her adult literature (particularly the Cormoran Strike books.) In those, JKR is wanting to write romance. And yet....

In Fantastic Beasts, she can write the awkward getting-to-know-you pre-romance stuff, but the second Jacob and Queenie are actually a couple - he loses his memory, then he’s brainwashed, she’s with Grindelwald, they’re different plot lines that never intersect… and then they just get married at the end of Secrets of Dumbledore. So it’s not even a slow-burn, will-they-won’t-they thing. Tina and Newt get the same treatment, except their pre-romance getting-to-know-you beats are so subtle that a lot of people missed them completely. Then Tina's angry at Newt for a very silly misunderstanding… then in a separate plotline… and is only in the third film for two minutes at the end. People compare the structure of these films to Indiana Jones, but in those movies the love interest is actually hanging out with Indy the whole time. In the Cormoran Strike books, the romantic leads do spend time together, but they’ve also been doing a pining, bad timing, will they/won’t they back-and-forth thing for seven books. And they’re long books.

So okay. What’s going on. Why is this.

JK Rowling has been very public about the trauma she has from abusive relationships and sexual assault, and I’m afraid I do have to bring that up in a conversation about why she treats romance so negatively. More specifically - if I had to guess - I think she finds male attraction towards women threatening. (I’m sure we all remember Harry’s chest monster.) I think she feels a little icky writing it, which is why when she does do it… it feels perfunctory, generic, repetitive, and also not the sort of thing that would come from a teenage boy. (Like when has a 14-year-old boy ever thought a girl was pretty because she had nice teeth. That’s such a straight girl compliment.) BUT, when she writes about the attractiveness of guys - it gets more specific, more nuanced, more interesting, and also a lot less uncomfortable. J.K. Rowling likes guys! She’s allowed.

But of course, she also tends to write male viewpoint characters, and I think this is why a lot of her guys (and Harry specifically) kinda read as queer to a lot of people. We’re told Harry is distracted by/attracted to Cho Chang… but is he though? Compared to the way “pretty boy” Cedric, or “sleek haired” Draco get under his skin?

I want to take a look at her adult romantic leads for a second. Because in Fantastic Beasts, she really did pull out all the stops to make Newt and Jacob as non-threatening as humanly possible. Newt is a gentle, pacifist, Doctor Dolittle-type conservationist who barely seems interested in women at all, and Jacob… is a Muggle baker. She pairs Newt with Tina, tough as nails American star auror. Jacob is with Queenie, who is constantly literally reading his mind. Which is an ability we’ve only seen with the most powerful wizards. These guys are not a threat to these ladies. In Queenie’s case, the power balance is tipped so insanely far in her direction that I’m a little bit worried for Jacob (and she does in fact, bewitch him into doing stuff.) I think JKR wrote her couples this way so any romance she wrote with them would also feel safe… and sadly I don’t think it worked. The most fleshed out couple dynamic we get is Dumbledore/Grindelwald, who have a coffee date and a duel in the third movie. But - that’s the one movie where she doesn’t have sole screenwriting credit, they’re exes, and they're also both GUYS, so she doesn’t have to worry about any kind of male/female power imbalance gunk, or put herself in the headspace of a guy being attracted to women.

Now I do want to talk about Cormoran Strike. Of all her non-threatening male love interests, this is the one who seems to work best for her. She’s stuck with him the longest, and it actually seems possible that we might get an actual romantic scene with him in the next book.

Here’s my theory. I think that when JKR was writing Goblet of Fire, and it came time to introduce the real Mad-Eye Moody - imprisoned in the bottom of his own trunk, weak, down a leg and an eye - something clicked. Because that is someone who is both entirely masculine, and entirely safe, and that makes him the perfect romantic figure. And I absolutely think she grabbed that archetype when it came to writing Cormoran Strike.

Basically, this character just is Mad-Eye Moody, only 15(ish) years younger, and non-magical. Strike is an ex-military cop who now freelances. He’s older than his love interest, he’s been around the block a few times. He’s gruff, but careful and kind, world-weary and grizzled, extremely capable, principled, tough, and just sort of hyper aware of what’s going on around him. He is also a bigger guy with some access weight who is not “conventionally attractive” - and for JKR this is a feature, not a bug. If your female character is into someone who is not *~*~handsome~*~* that means they’re cool, deep, not like other girls. Viktor Krum is not conventionally attractive, and (after the werewolf attack) neither is Bill. In fact “he now bore a distinct resemblance to Mad-Eye Moody.” JKR likes Mad-Eye Moody.

And you better believe that Cormoran Strike has a broken nose and a missing leg, just like Mad-Eye Moody. Strike’s prosthetic leg comes up a *lot.* I think it’s telling that the loving interaction we see between Bill and Fleur is her physically supporting him at Dumbledore's funeral post werewolf attack, and the loving little wrist squeeze we get between Lucius and Narcissa is right before Lucius hands his wand over. Basically, JKR likes someone who is sexy and capable and has a lot of presence, but who you get to take care of, and who… can’t chase you. Doesn’t pose a threat. That’s the fantasy. And that's why a lot of the romance she writes feels a little... off.

#hp #jkr critical #mad eye moody #cormoran strike #jacob kowalski #newt scamander #bill x fleur #bill weasley #harry x draco #harry x cedric #dumbledore x grindelwald #literary analysis #close reading #anti jkr

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hogans-heroes · 3 months

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Ok so. The Bikeriders.

First of all, it’s very different than we thought, in a good way. It’s not an action or drama or crime film. It feels almost like a documentary because it’s shot in a journalist’s style with simple camera work and interviews and the story is told through the narration of Kathy and the journalist. It revolves around the snapshots of these people’s lives, who they are, why they’re here and do what they do, and it’s so beautiful and intimate and makes you fall in love with humanity like you’re in a anthropology class. You see how they see and love what they love. It’s so fucking powerful.

Ok side track to what we’re all really here for. FUKN BENNY.

Your life will be ruined by Austin within the first 10 seconds and you NEVER catch your breath afterwards. He doesn’t say too much and isn’t even on screen quite as much as I expected but he’s the heart of the whole film and oh boy what a beautiful heart. A TALL DAMN DRINK OF WATER THERE IS NO OTHER WAY TO PUT IT. I got lightheaded whenever he appeared. Plus we get him in a totally new look which I loved and am sure will be seeing in fandom. I literally have no words for his looks and voice and absolute badass behavior while also looking like a little kitten the entire time boy you out here ruining lives. One scene absolutely BROKE my heart I wanted to hug him so bad and it was a powerful moment in the narrative. But it was really hard to watch him get so beat up consistently over the movie.

The last SMILE we get from him??? Will kill all of us it will be the apocalypse I’m typing from the GRAVE you hear??? I’d vote the best smile we’ve ever gotten from Austin and THAT’s really saying something. I can’t say enough good things about the ending in general.

Tom Hardy is the ABSOLUTE mvp of this film, he knocked it out of the park.

(Mild spoilers under the cut)

I was so terrified Benny was going to die the entire time and the way the movie goes it really makes you think he will but he DOESNT DIE and I was SO GODDAMN relieved. That ending was so perfect and sad and poignant.

It REALLY IS a love triangle??? Like I was also shocked that there is zero sex scene or even a single kiss at all in a film like this, but the dialogue and chemistry whew boy….was very intrigued and happy to have things thus way even though it turned out sad.

#austin butler #the bikeriders #sorry for my dump

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munsster · 1 year

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kurt kunkle and his bimbo girlfriend

A/N: this week has literally forced me to be obsessed with this greasy little slasher (soooooo my inbox is surely open!) (gif creds: @stevesnailbat)

Pairing: Kurt Kunkle x Fem!Bimbo!Reader

Warnings: Spree (2020) related content, kurt kunkle, smut/suggestive themes, MDNI, slasher themes (blood, gore, murder, ghostface), pet names (baby, slasher), cam/stream sex

im sorry but gamer bf x bimbo gf trope is actually flooring me rn

he’s just this greasy little streamer you started watching and you’re this total babe who’s obsessed with him

and you are really obsessed with him

you are literally his Number one fan

if kurt kunkle has 100 fans, youre one of them. if kurt kunkle has 1 fan, its you. if kurt kunkle has no fans, you’re dead.

you plugging kurtsworld96 at any given chance, like he’s so confused the first time he hears you do it, but then he gets so happy and just pulls you in

you being the first one to be super excited about his amount of viewers/followers

a celebratory kiss for ur streamer bf 🥰

also getting really worried when he seems to be in a little bit of trouble (ie cops in the background yikes)

him always reassuring you that he’s fine and he’ll figure it out

you dont know it but he’ll do anything you say, even if it meant turning off his stream for the night

you literally suggested doing cam stuff together before chat suggested it, but now chat is like obsessed with that because theyre a bunch of pervs

you treating chat like a sassy lil mama (“ew! behave yourselves” “ask nicely” “‘put it in her ass’ oh cmon, you know better” “shhh, quit being bratty, thats not how good little viewers get what they want, now is it?”)

youre such a lil price gouger, youre like “okay if someone sends in $50, i’ll let you guys watch us” and chat loves you so obviously they end up doing that

kurt really really loves you, plus you do wonders for his numbers. viewers basically double when he even mentions you

“‘kill your gf’ pfft yeah right, i know all his tricks, i’d like to see him try!” and you’re like in his lap and grinning and he just grins at you and when you turn to face him, he lands a big ol smooch on you

even after months of being together, he still gets nervous around you

and you always tell him to “relax, baby, it’s just me” all while he’s literally buzzing in your presence

he probably likes his hair pulled tbh

like even when you just run your fingers through his hair, he’s purring, he’s so slutty for it

asking him to do skincare/haircare with you as an excuse to take showers together 😝

like of course he’s gonna do it 1) because he loves you and 2) because afterwards, he smells like a candy store

you picking out his outfits because what he wears now is actually a cry for help

no because he would actually let you treat him like a dress up doll

you being really excited about it and telling him to do GRWM and OOTD segments on his streams (which are completely led + narrated by you, but he doesn’t need to know that)

him teaching you how to play video games (even though you already kinda know, you let him have his moment)

you designing the clickbait thumbnails for all of his youtube videos and they’re definitely all sparkly and pink and cute

you begging him to come with you to get your nails done, telling him he doesn’t have to get his nails done, you just want him to go with you

but of course, you convince him to get his nails done (just a basic polish *cough cough* in literally neon green, his choice) and he flaunts it to stream

he definitely makes fun of bobby like “my girlfriend is literally so hot. where’s yours? oh wait……”

and you HATE bobby

you think he’s a bad friend to kurt, but you’d never tell him that. you just scheme like “noooo baby, hang out with me, not bobby” and he’s like okay 🥰

also him being a little protective and possessive over you

like when other attractive people glance at you, he’ll grab your hand or put his arm around you or ask for a little kiss (all of which you do happily)

i love yous are thrown around like none other, and it makes him blush everytime. even when youre just tuning in, if he gets that “i love you, slasher” message, he’ll go red as a tomato

oh that reminds me: youre favorite movies being slasher films like scream and scary movie and american psycho, and he’s not stupid so he definitely senses the theme there

bonus: he definitely buys one of those ghostface masks just to surprise you (and get into your pants)

you offering to help clean his car after particularly gory kills (and he knows ur really good with aesthetics and detail work)

also you cleaning him up after particularly gory kills 🥺

like he’ll come home with blood streaked down his face, and you’re like “aw baby 😟 c’mere”

he LOVES it, he feels like a little puppy dog around you because you take care of him so well

you are all about sneak attack kisses, and he never knows what to do with them, he just sits there and smiles while you hold his face and pecks his lips

bro eventually, he’ll start laying the rizz down on you (and he’s not very good at it but) its so sweet that he’s genuinely trying and happy

like he’ll just spit pick-up line after pick-up line whenever you’re around, and you just giggle and kiss him on the cheek

you don’t even have to ask and he’ll buy you cute clothes. not that he’s insanely rich or like raking it in, but he makes enough, and he will spend money on something nice for you before he buys something for himself

him begging to drive you anywhere and anywhere even though your car works perfectly fine, he just wants to do things for you

also him begging to rig your car with cameras, too, just so when he does have to be in your car, he can still stream

ummm bonus: he definitely sets up a camera above his bed so like not only can he do sleeping streams, but…. you know…… angles 😌

you bringing him snacks and drinks during his stream and he gets the biggest googly eyes

you’ll just walk in in like the skimpiest little outfits, grinning and winking at the camera before giving kurtie a sloppy kiss

yall he’s so fucking dumb (in a loving way), but you’ll get into the car in like the most revealing and tight top and he’ll get all nervous and try to angle the cameras like ‘yall seeing this???’ all while smirking to himself

him accidentally referring to you as his wife on multiple occasions while streaming

letting you put your songs in the queue every so often

bonus: after hearing you play it literally once, his new favorite song is ‘stars are blind’ by paris hilton. that shit bangs and he knows it

him making you a playlist of all his songs (and he actually falls in love when you mention the fact that you listen to it almost constantly)

he actually can’t believe you love him and you’re of fan of his work and you’re actually the cutest thing he’s ever seen (nice tits, too)

it takes a lot of convincing and proof on his part that you truly love him, but you’re not shy about showing it and you’ll prove it to him anytime he needs

masterlist

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kiirotoao · 7 months

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HEYY YOUR SO PRETTY BTW AND I LOVE YOUR BLOG

the ask :

so, i wanted to get ur opinion on s3 mike. such as, what he was going through and his internalized homophobia. things like that!

maybe some things w/ him and his relationship w/ el too!

THANKS FOR ANSWERING IF U DO ANSWER :D

I’m gonna pretend that I’m fine after weeks of getting flustered just staring at this in my inbox! Thank you, anon!!! 🥺🥺 You’re making me blush! But, uh, anyways! Let’s talk about Mike Wheeler! 💙

I think that Mike in season 3 is the most interesting version of himself in the entire show because of how hidden his story becomes. In all other seasons, Mike cries openly with other people and expresses his sadness and fears over Will and El.

In season 3, though? Besides the finale, the tearful goodbyes narrated by Hopper, we never see Mike truly cry and explicitly talk through why. Sure, it can be pretty readily implied that it’s because of the Byers leaving, but we don’t hear that aloud. We don’t see exactly who’s on Mike’s mind as those cars pull away. We're left with silent and unsure stares, looks of seeming regret or something else unknown.

Season 3 is truly a huge turning point for Mike, he’s losing his girlfriend and arguably his closest friend in the Party, and it's so easily overlooked because it all happens at the very end of the final episode. Whereas El goes through hell and fights to connect to Billy and save her friends, where Max also feels the weight of his loss, where Will gets his heartbreaking scene at Castle Byers - all the Party members who are very linked to Mike get their emotional moments that season, and we know exactly why they cry.

But Mike dances around his emotions all season long. In consulting Lucas to deal with breaking up and making up with El, in trying to tell El that he loves her without ever saying it, in fighting with Will because "it's not [his] fault [Will doesn't] like girls."

Oh, Mike. I really don't think that Mike was out to hurt Will when he said that. Rather, it's a culmination of heteronormativity and the poor relationship that he has with El and trying to compensate for it. I interpret the outburst as him saying, 'it's not my fault that I'm in a relationship and you're not, so you wouldn't get it.' And by extension, Will being in a relationship would require, normatively, being with a girl.

But at the same time, for a jab that deep - I can't help but question more.

Mike could have said, "it's not my fault you don't like anyone!" or "don't bring her into this!" or even as simple as, "you wouldn't understand!" But no. Mike takes the direct train to sexuality station and brings up the fact that El is a girl. So it seems to me that Mike is very likely harboring something in his heart about why El being a girl is important for him to argue.

But we never know for sure. This moment is never addressed again due to the Mind Flayer’s sudden return. And so it’s up to us as the audience to decide what we think of Mike’s statement. And personally, as I’m sure many of you believe, too, I think that Mike is projecting and trying to hide the fact that he doesn’t like girls onto Will, pushing away his problems to someone he trusts who’s more similar to himself than he realizes.

Tied to his inability to say to El’s face that he loves her, to the fact that they've - reportedly from Hopper - kissed all Summer long with no mention of meaningful conversation, to the very surface-level relational mending his makes by calling El’s outfit “cool” and giving her candy, to the very end of the season where Mike once again denies saying that he loved El just before an open-eyed kiss and a face like this:

Mike doesn’t need to say anything about that kiss for me to know that that’s not the reaction of someone who’s perfectly happy to be back together with his ex-girlfriend. So do I wish that we had a moment of vulnerability for Mike where he expressed his heart in season 3? Yes, but his nonverbals spoke volumes.

So, yeah, I think that in season 3, Mike is very much gay, but he he acts cautiously and self-preservingly because trauma is drowning everything out.

And what is this trauma? I know that I’m working backwards, but I need to bring up that Mike was separated from El for so long in the time of season 2, and I think that that makes him so attached to her in season 3. Think about what else he says in that scene when he admits his love: “I love her and I can’t lose her again.”

As sweet as it is to be reunited to El by the end of season 2, it’s not a clean reunion for Mike. He’s in shambles when he learns that Hopper was lying to him and not letting El even tell Mike that she’s okay.

Not to mention that this isn’t his first but second time almost losing her to the monster that season.

Because of this unstable connection, I think that Mike has built a protective relationship with El, one that focuses on keeping her rather than knowing her, and we see how that all unfolds with his superficial “superhero” complex he has of her in season 4. Season 3 was just the beginning.

And so I think that Mike in season 3 stands as a version of himself that’s confused protectiveness with love. Even though he arguably behaves with that same mindset all the time, it’s at its highest during season 3 because of his never-ending insistence to help El even if she’s capable to do things by herself. Mike isn’t just clingy, he’s worried. Worried for her life. There’s no time to worry about where the problems in their relationship arise, there’s only time to fix them and go back to how they were at equilibrium - when things were normal.

Thus, Mike behaves rather stubbornly. He’s insistent and defensive, not letting a single thing slip through the cracks and risk any more hurt. In doing so, his personality is left far under the surface and unexplored. He only acts to stir up emotions rather than reflect on them, because any pausing to think will only confuse him more. He’s looking ahead, looking at the light, holding onto everything good he has with all the propriety of a 13/14-year-old who has a heart bigger than his head.

Simply put, Mike is a bit of an anti-hero this season. And I think that it's because of this that he starts to get most controversial for the audience.

I’m clearly a Mike apologist, but I genuinely don’t think that he’s out to hurt anyone when he argues with others this season. He’s just stubborn and loud about it, which can definitely be to his fault at times. But in the end, when it comes down to who he loves, I think that season 3 is the era of change, and that ending scene with Hopper’s letter paints the perfect setup for the next seasons to reveal that Mike has a lot more going on under the surface that’s causing all of this. Maybe some regrets, things he wishes he could “turn back the clock” on, regarding, say, Will and El and how he treats them platonically and romantically? Just a thought.

The question of the day for Mike in season 3 stands: is he being selfish or selfless? And I think that it’s a mix of both, blended in with some heavy confusion due to role changing (not needing to protect El) and uncertain affections (not knowing how to figure out what he has with Will).

So, yeah. All in all, I think that Mike is really closeted in season 3 and doesn’t realize it until the final episode, and I honestly love him for it. As someone who’s gone through similar hurdles of internalized homophobia as a teen, it’s really heartwarming to see him grow and figure things out, even if the journey is far from perfect. It’s a humble origin story. And if he somehow ends up being straight and Byler isn’t endgame, well. I’ll be upset at the writers, but the impact still stands.

#Mike wheeler #byler #byler analysis #mike wheeler analysis #asks my beloved <3 #Mike is my second favorite character but always first in my heart to talk about and analyze #he’s just so babygirl #THANK YOU AGAIN ANON!!!#I wanted to reply sooner but it’s Mike so I just kept going 😂

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kiwiana-writes · 5 months

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Fic Pride Friday

Thank you to the fabulous @rmd-writes for the tag! As always, though, with 239 fanworks on AO3, this is a beast of a task lmfao.

Rules: Post your favourite line or passage from as many of your published works as you’d like. Let yourself feel proud of your creations! Tag as many people as you post snippets, so your fellow fic friends can be proud, too.

This got long (and I'm like... actively trying not to Feel Bad™️ about that), so four fandoms' worth of snippets under the cut!

Tagging: @agame-writes @affectionatelyrs @anincompletelist @cha-melodius @cricketnationrise

@dumbpeachjuice @firenati0n @getmehighonmagic @happiness-of-the-pursuit @hgejfmw-hgejhsf

@indestructibleheart @inexplicablymine @sparklepocalypse @stereopticons @whimsymanaged

And, of course, an open tag to whoever wants to play!

Red White & Royal Blue

What a beautiful tone aka introspective rimming:

Henry has touched Alex in a thousand different ways since he shook the hand of a beautiful boy with a yellow ipê-amarelo in his pocket and fell in love, so he doesn’t quite understand why he’s trembling as he rolls them both until Alex is on his back, hair spread out on the pillow, lips parted slightly and eyes filled with trust as Henry settles on top of him. With his arms bracketing Alex’s shoulders, Henry places a hand on Alex’s jaw and pours all the love and pride that’s been coursing through his veins since Alex delivered his speech into a deep kiss, his tongue running along Alex’s bottom lip, coaxing it further open. The noise Alex makes in response is devastating. He’s a live wire, arching up into Henry’s touch in a way that is somehow both entirely nonsexual and an unbelievable turn on. Alex moves like he’s trying to crawl inside Henry’s skin, letting out soft moans and shivering gasps that burrow their way between Henry’s fourth and fifth ribs and carve out a place for themselves there, somewhere only Alex has ever reached.

All the Lonely Starbucks Lovers, the coffee shop 5+1 where Alex is so hot it very literally makes Henry stupid:

“How can I do you today?” Bollocksing, buggering fuck. Henry’s going to have to migrate to Tristan Da Cunha. Actually, while that’s the most remote place he knows of, he’s also fairly certain they’re a British Overseas Territory and therefore speak English, which isn’t particularly helpful in his current predicament. He’ll brainstorm, though he expects that the long and sordid history of global British colonisation is really not going to be his friend here. Walking Wet Dream blinks slowly—once, twice—before his face splits into a wide grin. “Tempting fucking offer, sweetheart.” A tongue peeks out to wet a pair of plump lips, which only provides Henry with some extremely vivid ideas for what else might look good between those same lips, and oh Christ, if he actually gets hard underneath this hideous apron he’ll have to lock himself in his own basement. The fact that he doesn’t have a basement is immaterial, really.

A Practical Arrangement, the arranged marriage AU -- tbh I'm proud of ALL of Alex's internal narration about Henry in chapter one but this is a particular favourite:

“I thought Windsor valued courtly manners?” Alex grins widely, tampering down a smirk at the way Henry’s ridiculously chiselled jaw twitches, obviously displeased at the way Alex is going off-script. “As your betrothed, surely you should be showering me with compliments as you greet me?” Henry raises an eyebrow, and looks at Alex in a way that makes him suddenly, viscerally aware of the four inches of height Henry has on him. It’s a height difference that has always put Alex on edge; it never used to be the case, Alex is pretty sure from the vague memories he has of them in their younger years, but between one meeting and the next, suddenly Henry was no longer at his eye level. “As soon as I find something to compliment, I assure you I shall do so.” Alex almost laughs; that was funny. Rude and untrue, but funny. It’s a shocking amount of personality for Henry to display. “Back in Texas, they extol my many virtues, Your Royal Highness,” he drawls, pointedly ignoring June’s scoff. “Do you need me to give you a list?” “I’m sure they do,” Henry says gravely, but there’s a flicker of something at the corner of his mouth that could almost be a smirk. There’s a long pause before he adds: “…in Texas.” Alex’s jaw drops before he can stop it. That absolute fucker.

Kinda think that I might be his type, the Alex and Bea fake dating fic that blew up in a way I wasn't expecting but am forever grateful for; I'm proud of this whole damn fic but this line made me get up and walk away from my computer after writing it lmao:

“Don’t worry, though.” He winks at Bea, tampering down a grin at the way she bites her lip as she realises whatever he’s about to say is at serious risk of making her laugh. “We’re not going to wait until I’m out of school to start popping out great-grandbabies for you. I wanna be papi for real, not just to my little honeypot here, if you know what I mean.” The sharp clatter of Mary’s teacup against her saucer thankfully drowns out the choked wheezing sound from Bea’s throat; Alex only risks glancing at Bea for a moment, just enough to realise she’s fighting for her life not to burst out laughing. He’s not sure how much longer he can keep this up before he sounds like he’s reading lines from a terribly scripted and vaguely racist porno.

Puck It, the college hockey AU with my favourite analogy I've ever written:

Alex is aware that he might be bisexual in the same way he’s aware that he might be allergic to cats; there have been a few brief interactions to make him think it’s probably true, but so far it hasn’t had any impact on his life, so he hasn’t really had a reason to look into it and find out for sure. Now, faced with Henry’s clavicle and the sudden, vivid mental image of sinking his teeth into it, he’s not sure how theoretical it is anymore.

Handprints in wet cement, the 5+1 celebration of Henry's Oxford Slut Phase that is just so important to me:

“It’s not.” Alex’s fingers flex a little, digging into Henry’s skin. “It’s— you had all these experiences, and sometimes I can’t believe you want to share them all with me. That you’ll just tell me about them, and if it’s something we’re both into, we can just… go for it. It means a lot. You know that, right?” Henry blinks at him. If he’s honest, he’s never really understood Alex’s eagerness to hear about Henry’s uni hookups; Henry himself, while not bothered by Alex’s own past, has never felt any particular need to seek out stories about it either. He’d just assumed it was another facet of Alex’s insatiable need to understand things; he hadn’t realised it was important.

I've carried this song in my mind, the Arthur-from-beyond-the-grave fic, have one of the many MANY passages that made me cry to write lmfao:

You don’t need to find Orion, Arthur wants to tell him. I’m in every constellation, in your heart, in your soul. I’m here. I’m always here. But Henry can’t hear him.

Schitt's Creek

Wander Where They Will, aka the swans fic:

It felt like only a moment later that something woke him, though the pitch-black room made it obvious it had been several hours since he dozed off. It had been so long since he was in such close proximity to other people that David didn’t realise what he was hearing, at first. The gasp that rang out in the silence made his eyes snap open and his body tense up, and there was a thump and a high-pitched, muffled moan before the realisation slammed into him. He shifted in the bed, trying to block out the sounds out of a sense of… privacy, he supposed, or decorum. That must be why his stomach was clenching, so tight he could barely breathe. Patrick, it seemed, approached lovemaking the way David has seen him approach everything else—quiet, determined, methodical. All the noises coming from their corner of the cottage seemed to be Rachel’s; only a rhythmic panting betrayed Patrick’s part in the process. Even at the end, he barely made a sound. David couldn’t help thinking, as silence filled the cottage and pulled him backwards into sleep, that it was a terrible shame; that everyone deserved the kind of pleasure that rushed through them, untamed and uncontrollable.

Femslash February 2021, where I decided one entry needed to not only be a drabble (100 words exactly) like every other day's prompt, but ALSO a sonnet:

A princess resides in a castle fair Who Stevie beholds when sneaking ashore— With aquamarine eyes and golden hair, She’s all that Stevie is so longing for. If she had legs, or the princess a tail, Perhaps Stevie could be part of her world— But fate's harsh currents their union assails, Separating them with an eddy's whirl. So Stevie lingers, and watches, and dreams About a union between sea and land, Wishing it weren't as complex as it seems For them to lie together on the sand. But unbeknownst, a princess dreams, too— Of a raven-haired mermaid, pure and true.

And all the rest's illusion, the fic where Patrick works through his feelings about the word queer and every single comment made me cry:

And that’s really the crux of the issue, because it’s not that he’s uncomfortable in his sexuality. If he was, that would be easier to explain — right from the start, David never put a label onto him. Patrick was the one who’d whispered I’m gay into the sliver of space between them that night at Stevie’s, and David had just given him the same easy smile and nod that Patrick’s sure he would have received if instead his declaration had been I’m bi or I’m pan or I don’t know right now. His discomfort is more of a nagging, deep-seated fear that he’s not entitled to queer; that because he’s never been called a slur or worried about whether or not it was safe to kiss his partner in public or even come out to his parents, the word isn’t his to reclaim.

I haven't met the new me yet, the fic where I just dragged everyone onto the Jake/Rachel train with me by force, no I don't care that they never met in canon:

Despite herself, her eyes keep finding her way back to one of the pool players. He’s tall and well-built, with a close-cropped beard; he carries himself easily, joking with his friend, the flannel shirt stretching across his back as he lines up his next shot. When he stands up after sinking the ball easily, he turns around too quickly for Rachel to pretend she was looking elsewhere and their eyes meet. The smile he gives her isn’t quite cocky, though it’s close; it’s just confident, and confidence has always done something for her. She smiles back before picking up her beer, draining the last of it and trying not to grin around the neck of the bottle when his eyes drop to her throat as she does. She’d forgotten how good it can feel, to flirt with a stranger across a… okay, this isn’t exactly a crowded room, but still. Across a room. She doesn’t make any secret of watching as the guy and his friend finish up the game, the one she’s watching sinking the black easily with several of the stripes still on the table, and he hands his cue to his friend before striding over to the bar and leaning over to get the bartender’s attention.

Meet me out at the end of my rope, aka angstapalooza. The outline @ships-to-sail gave me for the end of chapter three just read "David leaves after possibly the most tender but heart wrenching kiss they’ve ever had, that’s ever been written, ever, in the history of written kissing" and then I had to... write that???

Patrick puts the box down gently before he holds his hand out. When David places the key in his palm Patrick wraps his fingers around David’s, their palms pressed together. Despite everything, it still feels like coming home; before he quite realises what he’s doing he presses Patrick back into the doorframe, his free hand wrapping around Patrick’s neck as he pours all the emotion swirling around inside him into one final kiss. Patrick, for his part, tugs David in close, his fingers winding through David’s hair as he shakes under David’s touch. When David finally pulls away he can see Patrick’s cheeks are wet with tears, and he knows his are too. He doesn’t know if they’re his own or Patrick’s or both. Patrick stares at him, his tone helpless. “You’re the love of my life, David Rose.” David closes his eyes as his resolve almost breaks. When he opens them again, Patrick’s face is blurry and indistinct in front of him as he tries not to let more tears fall. “No one is ever going to love me the way you did.” The words are choked out, but when Patrick opens his mouth to reply David shakes his head to stop him. “But no one ever lied to me like you did, either.”

How much love will you happily take -- I apparently awakened a humiliation kink in multiple people with this one and I will never not be proud of that 🤣

“No, that’s not— it’s not for lack of trying.” David being so kind about this is making it ten times harder to spit the words out and he drops his gaze, picking at Stevie’s faded bedspread so he doesn’t have to see the look in David’s eyes. He can feel the all-too-familiar crackle of humiliation crawling up his spine, knows his embarrassment is clear on his face, and it makes his throat tighten and his stomach clench and his cock twitch and he hates it, loves it, wants to poke at it like a bruise until it consumes him. “It’s been, um, a size issue?” There’s a beat, and then David is placing a gentle finger under his chin and turning Patrick to face him. His face is warm and open and Patrick likes him so much it’s kind of terrifying; he desperately needs this night not to end up another disaster. “That,” David says, voice soft, “is only an issue if we make it an issue. And I don’t plan on making it an issue.”

Wearing glass slippers, I got my Chucks, the Stevie/Alexis tattoo/flower shop AU my beloved:

“Did people send you flowers when your aunt passed away?” Alexis asks pointedly. “Yeah.” She doesn’t say, It was a huge pain in the ass, actually, because I had to throw them all out when they died, but from the look Alexis is giving her at least some of that must show on her face. “Congratulations and commiserations,” she says slowly. “That’s when everyone wants to give flowers: births, deaths, weddings, anniversaries. It’s like, human nature or whatever. There’s something…” she takes a deep breath. “It’s a sign of trust, I think. To be a tiny part of someone’s biggest moments like that. Even if just from the sidelines.” Stevie has tattooed children’s names and wedding bands, handprints and pawprints and important dates. She’s never thought about it quite like that before. “I get that,” she murmurs.

Great Acoustics, aka the cast did a Zoom thing in-character during Covid and had a throwaway line to justify David and Patrick not being in the same room and I just entered a fugue state and wrote porn about it in like an hour:

They make it ten days before their first noise complaint, which is frankly about nine days longer than David expected. They’ve been worse than usual, to be fair, with something as simple as a lockable door apparently now an aphrodisiac to both of them. Patrick goes about twelve shades of red when the official notice is pushed under their door, and then the pillow makes a reappearance. It’s all very fucking hot, actually, seeing buttoned-up, in-control Patrick reduced to a whimpering, begging, uncontrollable mess. Eventually, David manages to convince him that if something must go in his mouth during sex, there are several better options. No, not that. Well, obviously, sometimes that.

A focused moment made, kinkverse part one that I very much intended to be a oneshot lmfao RIP

For a few moments, the only sound is their combined harsh breathing as they recover. Almost before David realises what’s happening he’s being pulled gently to his feet, and then Patrick is framing David’s face in his hands and kissing him soundly. And David’s been kissed a lot during a scene, and a few times before one, but never once has someone kissed him in a sex club after they’ve already come. He lets out a startled but not unhappy yelp and Patrick takes the opportunity to plunge his tongue into David’s now-open mouth, chasing the taste of himself, making them both groan. Finally Patrick releases him with one last, almost chaste, kiss. He drops one hand but leaves the other on David’s cheek, gazing carefully at him, his face soft and open. “I’ve never done that before, with a guy,” Patrick confesses after a moment of silence. David raises an eyebrow, quirks a lip. “The flogging or the blowjob?” “Uh,” Patrick scratches the back of his head as he flushes slightly. “Both? But also, um.” His eyes flicker down to David’s lips and back up, and David gives a soft little Oh of understanding. “Baby dom and baby gay, huh?”

Your heart is keeping time with me, the 50 First Dates AU that I think has the best ending I've ever written? So, uh, spoilers-ish, I guess:

This isn’t a romantic comedy. There will be no miraculous, medically impossible recovery. Every morning for the rest of his life, David will wake up and have to be told that he has a husband he doesn’t recognise; a husband who loves him. But after he’s been told, Patrick will set out to prove it to him, with laughter and music and patient understanding. And because love is so much more than conscious memory, David will go to sleep each night in Patrick’s arms, safe and secure and content. Even though it’s not a film or a fairytale, they will still live happily ever after.

Other

We always walked a very thin line, aka the fic I furiously spite-wrote in three hours after watching Happiest Season lmfao:

When they were little, they were convinced if they practised enough they could develop some sort of psychic link; talk to each other over long distances without tying up the phone lines their dads always used for important business calls. They gave up eventually, but Riley finds herself desperately wishing for the talent now. Come on, Harper. Be braver for her than you were for me. “She’s lying!” The words burst hysterically out of Harper’s mouth, and Riley’s heart sinks.

We knew we were the fortunate ones, because obviously I watched episode 3 of The Last Of Us and immediately started writing, what do you take me for?

He knows that the last four years have been kinder to him than to almost anyone else; he also knows that he doesn’t look like those men in the magazines, the ones he used to drive thirty miles out of his way to buy, shoulders hunched and not making eye contact with the store clerk in case he found himself subjected to judgement — or worse, conversation.

#fic pride friday #kiwiana-writes

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viola-halogen · 5 months

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Ok I already wrote this out in my notes but I thought I’d post a compilation of some of my thoughts/things I noticed about Hadestown when I saw it in London.

Firstly I mentioned in this post a thought I had during Doubt Comes In about Orpheus being injured after Papers and that making it harder to walk out of Hadestown

Secondly GENDER NEUTRAL HERMES IS ELITE. I loved that they were actually referred to with they/them pronouns a couple of times. Also Orpheus saying “excuse me Hermes” instead of “Mister Hermes” like. This boy is so polite.

Dónal Finn was absolutely devastating during Is It True. Like the way he just SOBBED “is this how the world is?” gave me intense chills

Multiple times during When The Chips are down Eurydice seems to be pleading with Hermes to tell her what to do, but Hermes just doesn’t respond. It really showcased how they can only tell the story, they can’t influence it

Also during Why We Build The Wall Hermes is the only character who isn’t singing—they’re just standing there the whole time stony-faced and silent despite at points Hades singing directly at them like he’s trying to get a rise out of them. Like it portrays so well how Hermes is outside of the story and also how they’re mourning it and have been since they started telling it.

Just in general Melanie la Barrie did such a good job portraying the tragedy of Hermes and being the powerless narrator

Zachary James was made for the role of Hades. His voice was incredible and his physical acting was so enjoyable to watch.

Also His Kiss, The Riot was incredible. Probably on par with Stewart Clarke’s Javert’s Suicide

After Why We Build The Wall Hades walked over to Persephone and touched her arm and she flinched and shoved him off and it was a really powerful moment because for the whole song Persephone is like a wall herself and in that moment you see the cracks in her composure

During Epic III after Hades hears The Melody he rushes over to try and subdue the workers and is physically taken aback when he realised he doesn’t have power over them anymore

Also at the end of Epic III when Hades finally sang The Melody Persephone burst into tears and Oh My God

Hades and Persephone’s dance was so dorky and sweet in They Danced and honestly Zachary James’s Hades was just so dorky in his more human moments. Peak endearingly awkward old people.

During Orpheus’s parts of Doubt Comes In the stage is completely dark with only him lit so that we can’t see Eurydice either and even we’re not actually sure if she’s there

I love all the ways in which they make the audience complicit in the story. Like obviously there’s the “we’re gonna sing it again” motif and like, by nature of us being there we’re part of the reason the story’s getting told again

But also in Epic III the audience laughs when Hades says “oh, it’s about me” and that’s what makes Orpheus lose his nerve and have to be encouraged by Hermes

Also when Hermes tells Orpheus and Eurydice “you’re gonna have to prove it before gods and men” they gesture to Hades, Persephone and the Fates as the Gods and then to the audience as the men. Like it just cements how we have a role to play as Orpheus’s audience, the thing that gives him his power

Which also makes me think (even though it probably wouldn’t work) how cool it would be if in Our Lady of the Underground the audience was expected to join in on the chorus lines (when Persephone sings “brother what’s my name?”)

#hadestown #hadestown uk #hadestown west end

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campbyler · 6 months

Note

i have so many things i want to say about everything but i do remember the moment where mike (playfully) accused will of lying and it makes so much more sense now i thought he was just being smug as hell like “oh ofc you would’ve kissed me two months ago i am just that spectacular” but no. i’m sorry for doubting you michael you DEFINITELY had grounds for that claim. out of focus eye to eye kidnapped my firstborn and left a changeling in its place. lives were ruined in the best possible way.

exactlyyyyy you get it! the way you worded this ask actually made me want to make a little note about why we wrote the reference in, because it was very intentional and there were a couple different reasons for it which i think are both very important !! (but obviously could not mention here before out of focus dropped)

1. obviously it was a Reference, in that we thought this is a big enough piece of lore that it would be weird for it to never ever come up even once, but the whole idea of the companion fic was that it kind of has an ambiguous ending and even mike was not super duper 100000% sure of will’s intentions (due to the #inebriation). so it was unlikely at this point in their dynamic that they were going to have a real fleshed out conversation about it because it would definitely need both of them to be vulnerable in a way they were Not ready to be at the time (will admitting to wanting to kiss mike/mike admitting to having wanted to be kissed? noooo way). mike is kind of testing the waters here (and being annoying on purpose) but from his pov will either still does not remember or does remember but does not want to talk about it, so it doesn’t really go anywhere anyway. but alsoooooo

2. another remnant of the post ch05 era specifically was a lot of people commenting things along the lines of “omg mike is being so flirty” “where did that confidence come from” etc etc which is so true bc poor will got absolutely blindsided by it and it was so fun to write but!! the idea also is that half it was that confidence boost you get after realizing that someone is also into you/attracted to You and i think mike would’ve taken that and ran with it for sureee (esp bc will initiated the ch04 kiss And the ch05 morning kiss mostly) and the other half was mike having information that the readers and will both did not have! a majorrrrrrrr driving force of acswy is the fact that neither of them are ever working with All of the information, hence the unreliable narration, hence the drama and history and them both being so annoying and unserious, etc etc etc. i think that’s important to keep in mind, especially now that we’re in the ch09 era where their dynamic has shifted pretty drastically since their rivals era in the beginning, or even chapters 04/05. 😗😗😗

i’m actually very glad no one Really picked up on this being a Thing when ch07 dropped bc it was supposed to be super subtle (obviously a couple people said 🤨 am i missing something? and we said No 😌) but the reactions we’re getting now have been incredibly fulfilling and have been just what we were hoping to get, which tells us we are writing this story right! sorry for ruining your life and the changeling baby but thank you sooo much for the lovely ask <33

#sorry for the ramble i just have been thinking abt this since i wrote ch07 but obviously couldn’t say anything #and i think this ask just perfectly encapsulated the exact reaction i wanted that reference to elicit #so i’m pumping my fist in the air and jumping up and down #got a good grade in Reference #asks #out of focus eye to eye #acswy spoilers

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icystorm76 · 3 months

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Lauren’s commentary

I’m forcing my sister to watch IWTV and her commentary is genuinely hilarious. She accused me of posting her comments somewhere, then gave me permission to do exactly that. So here you go, her comments on episode 3. (She’s never read the books)

About Raglan James

“Is he a vampire? Is he Vampire ex boyfriend?(When asked why she thinks that) “He seems the type, you know? Like he would judge them then sleep with them.” (I reiterate that she’s never read the books, I guess Daniel just radiates vampire fucker vibes. She just guessed the completely wrong guy)

“Why is he trying to be on the phone? Is he actually one the phone? What is he doing? Oh shit, I missed something, rewind”

“Are you posting my commentary somewhere?” (I am now, lol)

“Hehehe, raglan”

“I can’t see what he’s writing! Milf? Is that what he wrote?”

In the library with Armand

“OH MY GOD HES FLOATING”

“Do you think he has nudes on that computer?”

“I know they’re vampires but does their architecture have to be so brutalist?”

“His bone structure is snatched. I hate his eyes though”

“Of course YOU do” (In response to me saying I like the eyes)

Paris (Armand’s narration)

“OH MY GOD, did he turn Lestat”

“So he’s into bondage?”

“There are laws?!”

“So he has fire powers”

“Hehe, you’re ugly and I hate you, fuck off and die abuser” (she’s not a big fan of Lestat)

“Boo, tomato tomato tomato!”

“The only thing I like about Lestat is his voice”

“Are all vampires gay?”

“Hehehe, the way he’s standing there.”

*Awful French accent* “LeSTOT!”

“Ah, so the abused becomes the abuser. You’re perpetuating bad stereotypes there”

“Oh god Lestat, I hate you. Where Louis?”

“Armand and Lestat, sitting in at tree A-b-u-s-i-n-g. First comes hitting, then comes throwing, then comes dropping Louis out of the sky!”

“Yep, still hate him”

“Oh he cray cray”

“You know what? I hate both these people and they deserve each other”

“Oh my god Lestat you messy bitch”

“Diabolical!!!”

“Ewww, get a room”

Paris (with Louis and Armand)

“Hell yeah, welcome back Pookie”

“I fucking hate him. How do you like these people?”

“How have they now been hatecrimed yet? Like come on guys! I’ve lost faith in Paris’s homophobia” (My sister is a lesbian btw)

“He can read your thoughts Buddy”

(When Lestat starts singing) “AH AH AH PAUSE IT *full body contortions as off possessed by Saten* I didn’t think it was possible to have a physical reaction to an Ick. Oh my god I had a full body reaction to that. I feel violated. I feel really and truly violated.”

“LeTHOT”

“OH MY GOD IM CHOKING. WHAT IS THAT ANGLE”

“No, because the images of Lestat looks like those cameras that make you look like you’re walking on a really tiny world”

“Why is this episode called No Pain. All they do is give each other pain”

“Pause it, no stop, rewind. You’re at a 10, I need it to not exist. LeTHOT, what are you doing? I’m so disappointed. I mean, I knew this was a show about the awareness of Stockholm syndrome, but I didn’t know it would this bad. Every day I walk outside and I think life is great then I come back inside and you make me watch tho shit. I need you to get your lips off of him. I don’t think I can continue”

“This using, love, OH, thank you, keep going, this is better than porn” (while Louis is murdering “Lestat”)

“OH, Real Rashid, by babe!”

“There’s so many files”

“They have a curfew?!”

“You mean the one where Lestat abused you? Because it kinda seems like Armand is going to do the same”

“They got that at home goods, didnt they?”

“Oh, wow. but Daniel’s not a Vampire, so he doesn’t count”

“Uh, wellllllllllllllll”

“Side note, I love that the vampires can’t age but you can tell Louis’ getting older because he parts his hair like a balding middle aged man”

“Thought that when they kissed that it would be like that scene in despicable me 2 when their noses bumped and stopped them from kissing”

#iwtv #gay #lestat de lioncourt #daniel molloy #interview with the vampire #louis du pointe du lac #Season 2 Episode 3 #iwtv s2 #armand #iwtv loustat #iwtv armand #iwtv louis #amc iwtv #iwtv spoilers #iwtv season 2 #Claudia #iwtv claudia

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satanicspinosaurus · 10 months

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No Effort Without Error

Tags: hurt/ comfort, established relationship, post-game, Astarion X G/N Tav, they/them pronouns, bard!Tav, BDSM, kink negotiations, scene negotiations, sub Astarion, enthusiastic consent, collaring, accidental triggering, freeze trauma response, trauma spiral self-narration, confusion between abuser and partner, use of safeword, use of safeword by Dom, supportive partner, aftercare, use of mage hand to respect boundaries, Addams family reference, talking through emotions, author tried to do some themes or something, author’s happily married & wants you to know that having severe trauma doesn’t mean you can’t have a happy relationship, author/Tav believes in people’s ability to grow, Astarion is in process of agreeing, Tav started out as kind of a blank slank character and ooops I contextualized them, kissing

Length: 4k

Rating: Mature

Read on A03: here.

Summary: Astarion is accidentally triggered in a scene, after being really excited about trying something new, and Tav provides comfort as they reaffirm their relationship. I’ve tried to tag everything, but if you have questions please just shoot me a message. I’m always happy to try and help people engage with challenging media.

With thanks: To the wonderful @just-a-refrigerator for proof-reading this! It was incredibly helpful during writing to know I’d have a pair of eyeballs to comb this over before it went out. You are amazing and helped me grow as a writer. (And a general thanks to the Astarion Brainrot Discord Server. You all are feral and I love it.🖤)

•── ⋆⋅☾☆☽⋅⋆ ──•

A bard was a solid choice for a traveling companion, Astarion reasoned, if one’s goal was to start living again. He and Tav had spent only a short amount of time in Baldur’s Gate before hitting the road again. They were eager to find out what fortunes and wonders lay ahead of them as they chased a solution to the sunshine problem.

Their time together since the Nautiloid crash had been enriching in more ways than just coin. Tav’s ability to entertain patrons and convince Innkeepers to allow the couple to stay for free was instrumental in keeping them in finer beds. Astarion also never missed an opportunity to joke about Tav’s sword swallowing ability after the crowd finished cheering. In part because the bard never took it as an actual advance.

Maybe that was what made it easy to be in their company. The understanding that one could play a role without it touching something deep or hidden in them. Sometimes, beautiful people just wanted to lay down innuendo without it being leveraged as a secret sign of trauma against them. Tav would just chuckle, as they did today, and escort Astarion to their accommodations.

The door opened without protest. With a quick flick of the wrist, Tav was shucking off layers and handing them to the mage hand they had dubbed Thing. The little clawed creature didn’t seem to loyally return after dropping Tav’s weapons in the corner, instead cheekily hovering by Astarion and gesturing to help him with his coat. Astarion didn’t really buy that Thing was its own being, like the bard liked to claim. But the little helpful gestures it did touched him enough to have even the snippy vampire giving a polite nod of thanks as Thing ferried his coat away for him.

“What do you think of the room?” Tav asked as they pulled off their boots, eyeing them carefully for wear.

Astarion looked around and shrugged. It was acceptable. Probably the best Inn this middling city had. “It has a private bath.” he eventually surmised. “And art that doesn’t immediately make me want to claw my eyes out.”

Tav made a soft sound of acknowledgment. “I might drop off my shoes to the cobbler tomorrow, then. I do not like how this heel is feeling.”

“We should offload some of the plunder,” Astarion added. “It’s been a while and I don’t want to risk anything.”

The new bag of holding was a Godsend really, but Astarion wasn’t eager to overload it and send its contents into the Astral plane. Considering how sticky both of their hands were, it was a real possibility.

“What do we even have in there now?” Tav asked. “Maybe just start with jewelry? I saw some sign in Elvish saying there was a jeweler’s when we came in today. They would give you a good price.”

Astarion snorted. Tav was shameless about flirting their way to profit. They treated it like combat: sometimes, the pale elf would be irresistible and wildly effective. Other times, Tav would draw the spotlight to themselves and handle it solo.

He retrieved the leather bag from the closet, and undid the closure with ease. He tipped over the enchanted leather, bidding it to dump all the jewelry it contained onto the bed. A hodge-podge of trinkets and amulets rained down. Rings so heavy they pressed into the sheets, a fine wrought golden belt of coins, and some uncut gems topped their little hoard of treasure. Astarion had already begun looking through the pieces when, after a small pause, the bag deposited a dog collar with a detailed metal tag onto the bed.

Tav chuckled, “I suppose the bag thinks we could get coin for the tag.”

They picked it up and turned it over in their hand. It was fine dark dyed leather, with matching lambskin on the interior. Something a noble would commission for a beloved pet. Perhaps a dalmatian, considering the use of contrast white stitching and its generous size. It had been a bizarre find, part of a cache they hurriedly pushed into the bag a few weeks ago. They had completely forgotten about it an hour later, when Astarion’s knife found the back of an Oathbreaker and failed to kill her instantly.

Astarion glanced over. “It won’t sell for much,” he said in a fairly measured tone. “Not compared to the rest.”

The lack of lilt made Tav perk up and flick their brown eyes over to Astarion. A few months ago, perhaps, he would have busied himself. Made a show of checking over other items to hide from the thoughts that had bubbled up into his head. But things were different now. The two of them had history. Trust was building.Those thoughts didn’t have to live in the shadows anymore.

It was clear he was thinking of other uses for it.

“I suppose it would look rather dashing on me,” Tav offered.

They brushed aside a few dreads from their neck, enjoying the way Astarion looked over the exposed area with a specific type of hunger. But when Tav brought up the collar to loosely display it, the vampire paused.

“Of course, my dear,” he finally agreed. “But I thought perhaps- I could try it this time?”

Tav lit up at the way a soft blush tinged Astarion’s ears. Neither of them had many direct restrictions on playtime. Both of them were fairly consummate omnivores when it came to that sort of desire. Between them, though, Astarion tended to default to being active and in control. But recently, his need to be in control had given way to a need to enjoy life.

Tav nodded, letting a warm smile bloom on their face. “What are you thinking?” they asked, holding onto the collar for the moment.

“We don’t have any other obligations for the night,” Astarion pointed out. “It could be…fun to have all my needs taken care of for me.”

They had done that a few times, but in reverse. Astarion really could be quite sweet and giving when no one was watching. He was also shameless at times. He enjoyed forcing his love to eat from the ground, then pull the make-shift leash forward to allow them to use their mouth a bit higher up.

“I would enjoy that,” Tav said. “Anything specific?”

Astarion was already tossing the other items back into the bag. He was eager, thinking of the last time he had allowed himself to submit to Tav’s creativity and generosity in bed.

“Feed me, clean me, and bed me,” he listed out. “Tell me when I’ve been good but also don’t be afraid to pull me around by the ring on the collar if I’m not.”

“Anything else if you are naughty?” Tav pressed.

“No kicks,” Astarion added quickly. “I don’t mind a light spanking, but I don’t want to be back handed tonight.”

Tav reached out and offered a hand for Astarion to nuzzle into. They noticed that the elf let his ear brush their hand, and they took up the implicit offer to gently stroke the base- delighting in the little shiver it caused.

“You want to be my beloved pet tonight.” Tav summarized. “You want to submit and to be cared for and to feel how you are the center of my world.”

They could feel Astarion beginning to melt into them, trusting the weight of his head into their hand. Tav kept stroking that delicate piece of flesh and delighting in how it made him hood his eyes in pleasure.

“Unfair,” Astarion whined with no true complaint in his heart. “I think you’ve already started.”

Tav chuckled, as if they were afraid too loud of a sound would spook their lover’s relaxation. “Don’t tell anyone- but I am quite fond of you. It is embarrassing really. It used to be a part time hobby, but I do believe I’ve gone at least to full time now.”

Maybe traveling with Tav was easy, because they brought laughter to Astarion’s world. From gallows humor to little moments like this- where the two of them brushed fingers together and laughed quietly about how absurdly cheesy it all was.

It was a sound that had begun to settle in Astarion’s bones.

“Well, let me strip first, before you start,” Astarion eventually said. “Keep yours on for now.”

Tav rolled their eyes as Astarion began husking off layers. “Bossy little thing,” they laughed, shaking their head theatrically enough their earring tinkled in agreement.

“Oh, but think about how wonderful I’ll be, properly trained,” Astarion said as he struggled to unlace his pants. A clear bulge was making the task more difficult.

“Might have to commission a matching leash then,” Tav mused. “I bet you would look so lovely crawling up to me.”

“Ugh, stop winding me up. At least until I’m out of these damned pants,” Astarion complained like he hadn’t told the tailor to make them this tight. “Damn things look good, but I regret them every time I have to take them off.”

Tav chuckled, but obeyed the request- delighting in watching his lover squirm out of very tight trousers on the ground, his thick thighs working against him half the time. There wasn’t an inch of Astarion they didn’t adore, but in that moment it was hard not to think about how deliciously long his legs were- how many wonderful options they offered for Tav to touch and nibble on.

Eventually, smallclothes went flying. All that was left was one very excited vampire kneeling in front of Tav. The delicious blush on his chest wasn’t even remotely the only visual example of his excitement. But it was glorious to think how that tinge on his pale chest was only possible because Astarion was fed well enough. For Tav to realize that they were responsible for both the physical ability to do so and the emotions that inspired it.

“What’s your word, love?” they asked.

For a while the vampire had sassed them each time they had asked. But now it was just part of the game. It inspired anticipation. Like an orchestra tuning up to let the audience know the show was about to start.

“Goose,” Astarion replied, preening under the nod Tav gave them.

“Alright then, my pet,” Tav said, holding out the collar. “Just lean forward, let me collar you, and we will begin.”

The lining felt pleasantly soft on Astarion’s skin. He helped Tav place it on him by eagerly offering his neck. The bard’s nimble fingers latched it, then slipped between Astarion’s throat and the collar to check for fit.

The second that finger left, moving upwards with its friends to run through his curls with all the affection he knew Tav had for him, Astarion realized how cold the room was.

“Look at you, my good boy,” Tav murmured. They focused on gently using their long nails to scratch at Astarion’s scalp in a way that usually sent tingles down his spine.

His body did move- shaking on little of its own accord. The weight of the collar was pressing down on him, trapping him in his own skin and away from the moment. Something in his brain whispered not to blink, not to look away- something was coming. Something bad. He was trapped, but at least he could have the privilege of watching it hurt him. But only if he didn’t close his eyes.

“Astarion?”

The sound was a little muffled, a little nasally. He needed to respond, right? Those were his the rules. He had to obey in all things; he was his? Theirs? To have your name called was a direct command to look. He needed to look at him them.

But Astarion couldn’t force his neck to turn, to face the situation. To realize the gravity of it all. The knowledge that pain would come, that it would be his fault because he still couldn’t look, turned the fine shivers into full tremors.

“Alright. OK. This is OK,” came the voice. “I’m going to use ‘goose’. I’ll keep you safe Astarion. I promise.”

Dissociation was a thing Astarion still struggled with. This was the opposite of that, somehow. He wasn’t far away, present but not here- safe in a manner of speaking by retreating into his own mind. No, he was nailed to the spot, trapped under the surface of his skin- forced to feel, to accept, but not to act.

He was entombed in his own body. His only company was the fear of being left to suffer.

“This needs to come off,” he heard, the voice sounding like it was coming through gauze. “I am going to use my hands to take this off you, Astarion. You might feel it press on the back of your neck for a second.”

The weight lifted away, the sound of the tag sickly singing as it was tossed to some other corner of the room. He was supposed to breathe, right?

“Do you want me to touch you, Astarion?”

The thought of being trapped, being forced to be complicit in his own abuse, sent a spark of anger up into his mouth. But it was fanned by a vague feeling that he could speak his mind without fear of being slapped down.

“No,” Astarion hissed. “Get away from me!”

He needed space. He needed to feel he was at least as big as the body that trapped him.

“Of course. Of course love, I will not touch you until you tell me to,” came the calm response. “You are shivering. Do you want a blanket?”

Was he? Astarion looked down. His eyes struggled to focus on a hand. His hand, he remembered as he flexed it. Yes, it was shaking. His gaze wandered up the arm his hand was attached to.The forearm was goose-fleshed.

“Yes,” he decided. “I want to be warm.”

The smell of familiar magic- rose oil and iron- filled the room. There were some assorted sounds- footsteps, pillows hitting the ground- and then a familiar shadowy hand presented a quilt it could barely hold in its claws.

“Thing can help you put it on, if you want Astarion,” offered the bard.

Astarion nodded. Thing T. Thing was a familiar, safe sight now. It was always gentle, as it was now, laying the blanket onto his shoulders but bearing the weight so Astarion could sort it out the way he wanted it- creating a barrier between him and the world.

“Thank you, Thing,” he replied automatically.

The room came back to him after a few minutes. It wasn’t exactly fair to say it left, but it took time for his brain to be able to accept and process the world around him instead of hyper-fixating on keeping himself alive. He had to consciously realize that there was ground for him to be sitting on. That the ground probably came with a ceiling as there was no free-moving air.

Eventually, he realized there was also the gentle sound of a violin, singing a song.

It was one with no words Just swimming melodies, occasionally crowned by a happy chord. It helped Astarion remember. He’d heard an elven mother humming it to her child a few moons ago, as the babe cried from the pain of teeth coming in. He automatically focused on it. Tav asked him if he knew it, and Astarion had responded honestly- all of that was lost to him now. But he liked how comforting it sounded.

Weeks later, when Astarion was having trouble resting during the peak of the day while the rest of their temporary party laughed in the sun, Tav sat next to him and, without a word, began playing it.

Maybe that was why traveling with Tav was so easy. They were confident of their own beautiful voice- able to hold a room and charm even frigid, scared hearts that had long since stopped beating to movement. But they were also comfortable around others' painful silence, welcoming it like an old lover- with an open heart and a compliment that was somehow always genuine.

It had worn on Astarion for a long time, waiting for the bard to blink and finally admit they were in over their head- that the would-be savior’s reach had finally exceeded their grasp. But eventually, Tav showed him their own scars. He had lifted his hand to a small one on their right eyebrow and cheek. The first one. One that even Astarion’s clever eyes could barely see.

Eventually Astarion learned they kept their eyes kind and open, not because they didn’t know what danger was, but in spite of it.

Maybe that’s why it was so easy traveling with Tav. Because, somewhere along the way, Astarion had figured out their hero persona had cracks. Cracks they had delicately, skillfully tried to cover. Cracks he could help smooth out sometimes, when someone misgendered them or an enemy carried a whip. Cracks that, deep down, under the near unshakeable confidence performers have, Tav feared made them unlovable. But Astarion could say those cracks were nothing compared to their jovial spirit or clever eyes.

Astarion yearned for those warm, brown eyes. The kind that reminded him of dark soil deep in the forest, filled with all the richness and potential of creation. Speckled with a million curiosities that shallow people might miss by focusing on the strong cheekbones or soft lips nearby. He found them waiting for him, like always, hopeful they could be of any service.

“I want you to touch me, Tav,” Astarion realized out loud.

The bard laid their violin down and tapped the bed, offering the space. “It might do you some good to move your limbs,” they suggested. “But I am always happy to come to you.”

Astarion looked at the ground. Yes, he could move. The walls weren’t quite so close to prevent that. The floorboards creaked in protest as he dragged himself and his blanket over them.

He sank into the bed, deciding to lean on Tav’s shoulder. Maybe it helped a bit to realize this pinned down one of their arms- keeping them close, but less able to respond. It was grounding to remember that so many things were on Astarion’s terms now. Yes, because he was free.

But also because Tav was gentle and would never deny him a single comfort.

Little thoughts began to swim in his head- phrases he could pluck from the ether and begin a conversation with. I didn’t know, please believe me. I am sorry, please don’t punish me. Please don’t leave me. Please promise you’ll trust me again when I say I want this. Please tell me I am not broken.

Please, please, please- a choir of hungry ghosts that had long grown tired of asking to have not been hurt, and instead found smaller and smaller requests to be disappointed on. Until Tav came in with their bleeding heart, and fed them so graciously Astarion could begin to remember they were just specters he carried- and not him.

Astarion didn’t have to bargain with them. He suspected they would always be there. But now he could let them rest and find other things to play with that would nourish his soul.

“I really wanted it,” Astarion finally said, after his hand traced patterns on Tav’s thigh for a few minutes.

“I know,” Tav agreed. “You’ve gotten very good at asking for things and letting yourself have them.”

The bard paused and offered their palm. “May I kiss you?”

They smiled when Astarion granted them the privilege of a hand, bowing their head to press a slow kiss on the back of his hand.

“Thank you for being honest with me,” they said, not having moved an inch. Their breath was warm as they spoke, fluttering on Astarion’s hand.

There was something about the way they said it, that Astarion instantly knew they meant after he had been collared. He frowned, not sure how to take it.

Astarion didn’t want to think the truest core of him was scared. That if someone unearthed him, or that if he let someone dig deep, there would be only fear and broken things to find.

“I don’t know if I want you to think of me like that,” he began. “Like some cold and timid person, half ready to cry when he’s finally, truly naked.”

Tav sat back up, offering for Astarion to reclaim his resting spot on their shoulder or duck under and be held close. The elf chose the latter, enjoying the space between ribs and arms made strong by swordplay and silly acrobatics.

“I do not think of you like that.” Tav promised.

Astarion accepted the answer- a simple negative that painted him as so many other wonderful things that even Tav’s silver tongue couldn’t explain. The bard was so trusting towards him, at times it was infectious.

A thought tickled Astarion’s brain.

“Thank you for using the safeword,” he mumbled. “It’s good to know that it’s not that I wasn’t being pleasing enough for you. But that…maybe me being truly hurt wasn’t something you wanted.”

Tav showed their other hand coming slowly to join the other one- pausing, giving Astarion a chance to defend his space- to deny being boxed in, even by affection, if it was unwanted.

“I hear vampires are long-lived,” Tav eventually said. “I would suspect that given our adventurousness, it will not be the last time one of us has to use it. Even if you never wanted to do anything like that again, I want you to know that you can always tell me to stop.”

Astarion hummed, accepting the point. He chewed on it though, especially the last sentence.

“I don’t think you exactly need a safeword for life,” he retorted.

Tav laughed, clear and bright. “Your passions are too great, Astarion, to be content with what is laid at your feet. That is one of the things I love about you. You go for life’s throat, even if you might stumble in the process.”

There was mirth in their eyes as they thought about some future Astarion couldn’t really see. “I just want you to chase it as hard as you can. You know I’ll be here to try and catch you when you ask for it.”

They stayed like that for a while- Astarion enjoying the way Tav just breathed, their ribs slightly pressing into him with each breath. His eyes wandered, surveying the room. The way Thing rested in the corner, eager to be called upon. The happy trail of his own clothes strewn on the floor. The way the collar rested on the nightstand- far enough away to be safe, but precious enough to deserve a proper spot.

He would have to think later if this was a failure or not. Something deep in his gut churned, insisting it was. Astarion wasn’t sure if he wanted to listen to it. But the way Tav held him in the moment, devoted and without reservation- he knew this was safe.

Astarion leaned to catch his beloved's mouth, to taste their enthusiasm, their softness as Tav allowed him to devour them- trusting him to take the lead and find joy for them both in the fragile, uneasy moment.

Maybe that was why traveling with Tav was simple. Because they knew their love was a verb, and not something that was found in a single heart. It was not something that could be tainted by a single word, or broken by even a terrifyingly, truly unintentional slight.

It was something they did together- even if they sometimes accidentally stumbled in the process.

One of them got to be the first person that hour to say I love you. And the other one got to smile and chose to say it back.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Author Notes: Thank you for reading this! As always, I would like to remind you thirsty folks to hydrate a bit if needed. :3 I’d also love to hear if you had any comments or thoughts about this piece. (Good or bad! If something didn’t hit, let me know.) Also- just curious if you HCed which person said “I love you first” (and why) I would love to hear about it. I do have a small follow-up planned thanks to our Discord talking about *boots* that will be in a similar vibe. And one about Tav having their own issues for Astarion to help them on! I didn’t plan to add another, usual character to my WIP list, but this they/them bard!Tav was super fun to write.

#astarion #bg3 astarion #astarion x tav #fanfic #SpinoWrites #kink is cool and fun #author rejects the idea that people are broken #author wants you to keep growing

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toxicsludgeyaoi · 11 months

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Toxic Sludge Yaoi Tournament: Tomgreg (Succession) Vs Tyler Durden/Narrator (Fight Club)

(No images provided. Vote for whichever you like.)

Propaganda under cut. Note: spoilers for these medias may be below.

Tomgreg propaganda

"Tom is married to Greg's rich cousin and is also Greg's boss. As all Succession characters, they are terrible people. Tom immediately takes Greg under his wing because finally there's someone beneath him on the pecking order and proceeds to playfully and lovingly mistreat the daylights out of him. Tom constantly switches between humiliating and criticizing Greg with great enjoyment and treating him as his protege, and he never fails to make homoerotic insinuations while doing so. Not only does he ask Greg to kiss him several times, only to turn back around and tell him he's joking, he also compares himself to Nero and Greg to Sporus, Nero's slave whom he castrated and then married. They double cross and betray each other at least five times over the course of the show and Tom takes out all his frustrations with other people on Greg (there's a memorable scene where he pelts him with water bottles) but they always keep coming back to each other because they're the closest to a healthy emotional connection each one of them has. The end of the show has Tom saving Greg from being fired and marking him as his with a sticker he was supposed to use to mark what furniture he wanted from his dead father in law's home."

Tyler Durden/Narrator propaganda

"Where to begin? They’re literally the archetypal toxic yaoi. That burning kiss on the back of the hand, the starting a cult, the getting a whole load of guys to try to destroy the world. The Narrator has no identity, and Tyler Durden is everything, consuming the Narrator completely. They deserve to win. To finish this off, a few quotes from the Narrator about his relationship with Tyler: “I love everything about Tyler Durden, his courage and his smarts. His nerve. Tyler is funny and charming and forceful and independent, and men look up to him and expect him to change their world. Tyler is capable and free, and I am not.” “We have sort of a triangle thing going here. I want Tyler. Tyler wants Marla. Marla wants me. I don’t want Marla, and Tyler doesn’t want me around, not anymore. This isn’t about love as in caring. This is about property as in ownership.” “Tyler tilts the can of lye an inch above the shining wet kiss on the back of my hand. “This is a chemical burn,” Tyler says, “and it will hurt worse than you’ve ever been burned. Worse than a hundred cigarettes.”” And another quote from the author: “On a plane back to Portland, an airline flight attendant leaned close and asked me to tell him the truth. His theory was the book wasn’t really about fighting at all. He insisted it was really about gay men watching one another fuck in public steambaths. I told him, yeah, what the hell.”"

#tournament #toxic yaoi #proship safe #proship tournament #proship #anti anti #polls #toxicsludgeyaoitournament #succession #tomgreg #tom wambsgans #greg hirsch #tyler durden #narrator #tyler durden x narrator #fight club

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nerdieforpedro · 5 months

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Sure inside, but will you stay for more after we’re done?

Chapter 5 of Weddings 101 with Dieter

This fic and my blog overall is for readers 18+ MDNI

Dieter Bravo x Maya (plus size AFAB OFC)

Word Count: about 4.7k (We’re back! Sort of! 😆)

Summary: Oscar comes up with another plot for Dieter. He’s fine with collateral damage. Maya and Dieter finally make good on their constant flirting but there will be ramifications beyond just the villa. Enter Vanessa joins the fray!

Warnings: plots, angst, unprotected p in v (wrap it up people), oral sex (male and female receiving), fingering, Spanish (because Nerdie wanted it), overstimulation, birth control mention, paparazzi

Notes: I did not realize I had not updated this since last December! 😑 I am so sorry. I wanted to really dig into what Dieter and Maya’s mindsets are and focus heavily on events that transpire. I totally have a plan for this fic. (Narrator: Nerdie believes she does but she really doesn’t. But you gotta believe first right? It’s 50% of the equation.)

Main Masterlist / Dieter Bravo Masterlist / Weddings 101 with Dieter Series

The rest of dinner settles down and the couple can eat their food, happy that Oscar was gone. Dieter and Maya enjoyed their evening, soon blocking Oscar out of their minds. They shared drinks, food and more laughs. Walking to the car, Maya kissed the small heart in Dieter’s beard and told him “corázon.” Bravo told her to be careful with what she says, many words in Spanish aren’t just direct translations. They also have different meanings, though he wouldn’t tell her how strong of a word it was. It could mean a lover or your soulmate and not just an anatomical heart. He wasn’t sure if he could say it because that might mean he’d need to confront feelings he’s been having the last few days for the woman he wants to keep smiling and laughing. Dieter made a joke instead about placing his hand over her heart, touching the swell of her breast. She pinched his cheek as they got in the car to go back to the villa.

Dieter Bravo might be confronted with an issue he hadn’t had since Cliff Beasts 2: The return of the Primordial Terrors. Has he fallen this fast?

The guitar player had found something he could use though. He wasn’t aware that Bravo had anyone significant in his life - no mention of this Maya woman. He asked his people to look into it, he needed more information. “Talk about my ass Bravo? I got yours.” Oscar squinted at a picture taken of the two of them. His assistant chimed in that maybe that line wasn’t as menacing as he thought, but Oscar waved him off. He’s Oscar Isaac, he always knows what to say. Stupid Dieter. Stupid goat. He wouldn’t call the woman stupid, just likely misguided by who she thinks is someone cool. Dieter isn’t cool at all, he’s a washed up actor who’s making some money with his splashes of oil on a canvas for some pretentious douches. That shaggy bastard does make money from his art though, he couldn’t dispute that.

He may be able to use this Maya woman to get to Dieter. Oscar knew about the optics of Dieter having a woman by his side who doesn’t look like any of the women the actor had been seen with previously. He could leak their photos, he had another assistant snap pictures of them together. Had Oscar liked Dieter at all, he’d be happy for they guy in that he looks giddy with the Maya woman, but revenge is best served cold and she’s going to be collateral damage.

“Now that I think about it, Hanri. Send the pictures Alexis took over to TMZ, Entertainment Tonight and everyone. Dieter Bravo has taken his lady love on a trip to Hawaii. Who is she? Why is she? How is she?”

Hanri hesitated, staring at his boss with concern, him having his pissing match with Dieter was one thing, but never had he gotten other people involved. This was a new low, if the pay wasn’t so high, he’d quit but those student loans for the Arts Institute weren’t going to pay themselves. “Sir, are you sure? This seems…”

“Let the vultures cook Hanri.”

Hanri sent the pictures of Maya and Dieter like Oscar wanted. Soon there would be all the buzz from the press and hopefully no one would find out the source.

Dieter and Maya arrived at the villa, giddy from the night aside from the ‘half-ass’ incident. Watching as she kicked off her shoes, Bravo wondered if this was the right time, she spun around her champagne dress in front of the couch. They had been pawing at each other in the car the entire time, Dieter had been nipping at Maya’s neck, giving her more tastes of his lips. He wanted to have his hands in more places on her but they weren’t back at the villa yet.

Upon arrival, she noticed his soft gaze on her, “Dieter you look like you’re thinking way too hard. Come on.” Maya didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t need to, she’s in paradise with a man she’d never meet otherwise. It’s not wrong at all to want him and if the car ride was any indication, Dieter was more than fine with what she planned tonight. For once she wouldn’t worry or put herself into knots about what might happen, she’d accept the flow. Tugging on his hand, she led him upstairs, “Which room should we go into Dee?” Her hands cupped his face while pulling him close outside of her own room. Dieter’s hands went to her waist, he’d never questioned if he should sleep with someone before, if now wasn’t the right time, then when? Would Maya want to if they didn’t now? But why was he really hesitating?

I want to fucking savor her, but I don’t have time. How can I have more time?

“We’ll start in your room then move to mine Almond Joy. If you’re able to, that is.”

I’ll just have to make it count. So she’ll want more like I want more. I’m good at that.

“That’s quite a promise, Dieter. My sweet fluffy man. Come inside here with me.” Dieter followed Maya into her bedroom and placed his hands on her shoulders facing her toward the floor length mirror that had been on the wall next to the walk-in closet.

“Maya, you’re welcome to tell me no at any time and I’ll stop. You want to continue right?” His hands skimmed her arms and settled back on her hips. Maya nodded.

“Yes, but why am I facing the mirror? We should be on the-”

“We don’t need to be the entire time and I want you to see what I see, especially when I take this dress off of you. We’re going to do it my way.” Bravo smirked, his lips nibbled on her earlobe and she sighed, placing her palms flat on her thighs to have them ground her, she’s never watched herself like this.

“Didn’t realize you could be so bossy. Dieter. Alright, show me what you see then.” She was able to keep her voice even, but her eyes betrayed her anxiety. Dieter would continue because even if this might only happen once, he told himself he’d be the one to show her how she should be viewed.

“Gladly.” The parting of a zipper and cool air tickling Maya back made her shiver before Dieter’s fingers were lifting the thin straps of her dress off her shoulders. He didn’t drop them, his lips pecked each shoulder where they had been sitting before lowering slowly exposing her breasts. Almond Joy was able to see how wide his eyes became, felt him speak a soft “Eres muy bonita (You’re very beautiful) Maya,” he let the straps fall and told her to keep her hands on her thighs to hold the dress up over the bottom half of her body. His hands traced up her arms and cupped her heavy breasts grasping them lightly as he felt Maya lean back against him, a deep groan releasing from her chest. He used his nose to trace a circle on her neck, his eyes looked up at the mirror. Maya’s eyes were closed and her legs widened to accommodate his bulge. “Mira (look) hermosa.” He told her, his hips were grinding into her, but he reminded himself to slow down, he can’t just bend her over. His mind is screaming for it but savoring is what he’s doing tonight.

Opening her eyes, she viewed their bodies in the mirror in a slow loop, with them flush against each other. He was solely focused on her, making her watch as she became louder from the pads of his fingers on her nipples. Her knees buckled and one of Dieter’ hands dropped from her breasts crossed her torso to brace her as he licked the back of her neck. “Estas bien (Are you alright)?” He asked despite knowing the answer, she smiled and reached up and behind his head to grab a hand full of his hair.

“You know damn well I’m not. Dieter, can we move to the bed now?” Feeling the rumble both in his chest and against her skin as he released a purr from her touch, she gasped.

“Give me one more thing.” He whispered as he tugged her dress down and moved the both of them forward toward the mirror only a few feet away, “Well, two things.” Dieter crouched down and slowly peeled her panties down.

“D-Dieter wait!”

“This happens before we move to the bed Maya. Just let me do this.” He looked straight in the mirror as she watched him continue to move them down and then had her step out of them. She stood before him and herself in this mirror naked. Everything, all the rolls, stretchmarks, scars on display, she wanted a sheet, towel, shirt, anything to cover up. But Bravo wouldn’t allow it and had his hands rubbing circles into her thighs. “You’re beautiful Maya. I knew what I was looking at in that airport. I wanted you to know Toblerone.” Covering her face with her hands, Maya took a deep breath and exhaled. He’s making this so difficult. I’m not supposed to be thinking. I just wanted a romp or two. Why does he have to be so…What am I gonna do? Standing back up, Dieter took her hands in his and turned them both to the side in the mirror. “Considering I got you naked, it’s only fair you do the same right?” He had that same crooked grin when they’d met near the customer service counter as he held Daisy in his arms and she thought he was insane then. Maya was considering she might be the crazy one here for entertaining any possibility of seeing him after this wedding.

“Agonizingly kind and fucking sexy jerk.” Maya quickly had Dieter out of his shirt and her hands tickled the scant hair on his chest, Dieter attempted to make a joke about a bad wax job decades ago but she placed a finger to his lips. “You’re gorgeous, Dieter. Let me feel you too.” He let her continue. Hooking his pants in her hands, she flopped them down and squatted, but couldn’t quite hold it so she flattened his pants out to place beneath her knees. Dieter held her hands as she steadied herself and kneeled eye to tip with the source of his swollen bulge.

“Maya don’t feel you have to-”

“I want to, and we’re supposed to be appreciating each other aren’t we?” Releasing one of her hands allowed her to place it on his shaft, warm in her hand, she grinned, now seeing Dieter unravel a bit. Pecking the tip, her tongue claimed the precum that had gathered before making a trail down to the base, having her hand cup his balls. Dieter moaned loudly, trying to hold himself still. Making her way slowly from the base of his cock, her teeth nibbled briefly on the wrinkled skin. She kissed the head again before opening her mouth wide and taking him in her mouth a third of the way. Just watching her, Dieter felt himself twitching inside of her mouth as she sucked, he held her hand tighter before moving his hips forward in a small thrust. Knowing he wouldn’t last like this, he deemed this safer than where he really wanted to come. Maya took him deeper, now half way as her cheeks were hollowing out.

“Just a bit more…” Dieter began moving his hips faster, feeling himself so close. Maya could tell and kept going, she wanted to drink him in. The thought of it, his moans and the heat in her mouth was going right to her core as she rubbed her thighs together for any friction. His hand cupped the side of her face as he gave her some irregular thrusts and groaned as he climaxed. Hearing her gulp had him repeating small ‘fucks’ until he finished. He drew back and pulled her up by the hand that he never let go to him. Maya was a bit dazed, getting her air back and turned her face away to which Dieter cupped hers with both hands. “Maya you’re perfect.” Tasting himself on her lips had him push her back toward the bed, where she wanted to be in the first place. “It’s your turn now cariño (sweetheart).” Dieter slunk halfway down her body before she grabbed his shoulders.

“You don’t have to. Your fingers might be a bit much..” He frowned, what sort of request was that?

“If you can’t handle my fingers, how are you planning to have me inside of you?” In protest, two of his fingers part her wet folds and he watched her hold in a moan.

“I don’t do well with fingers other than my own so we can just wait.” Dieter could tell she was serious which made him even more confused until it clicked. He nodded, but had one finger stroke her entrance, not pushing in yet. He needed to prove another point, though this one might be more out of anger at those before than just focused on just her pleasure.

“Let me just try one and if you don’t like it, then I’ll stop, okay?” He gave her the pitiful ‘baby cow’ eyes, holding contact with her honey ones as his finger entered her slowly. He felt her tense and he paused until she relaxed again. “How is it so far?”

“O-Okay. You can go further.” Maya is completely unsure why he’s focusing so much on this. Her body was one thing and she’d never held a man's hand while she went down on them. All of it felt so much more intimate and not helping her state of mind she felt. It also wasn’t helping that Dieter was moving back toward her breast and taking once in his mouth while looking right at her. She was starting to wonder if they teach that in some acting class - eye contact like that or if that’s just Dieter’s skill. His finger began moving back and forth slowly, it was quiet but he could hear the sounds of her accepting his finger and her whimpers after he added another one. They grew louder, his lips moving toward her collarbone above her breast, “Dee that’s too many…”

“It’s not Almond Joy and you’re going to need at least another one.” Dieter captured her neck again and continued working on a hickey he had started in the car. Adding one more finger stretched her further so he slowed down and curled them upward, making her hips lift off the bed toward his hand. He smiled into her neck as she squeezed his fingers and her hips moved slowly, she was trying to keep still as he had previously, but it was clear her control was worse than his. Placing his mouth next to her ear, “You’re so responsive Maya and you were already wet from taking care of me. It’s just me and you. Come.” With a loud scream, Maya drenched Dieter’s fingers and he kept moving them slowly until her body fully settled.

“You…Dieter…H-How…” She could only look at the ceiling. Just with his damn fingers and they felt wonderful. “How in the world…” Her chest rose and fall, she looked down to see Bravo licking his fingers clean and she felt herself clench around nothing. He’s insanely good at making her do that. Dieter was taking extra time to get in between each of his fingers, just to show off and to buy time. He was only half hard, not fully recovered yet. It would allow for one more thing. Grabbing her legs under the back of her knees, he parted her legs and placed them on his shoulders. “W-Wait! It’s too sensitive Dee…” She watched as his face inched closer to her mound kissing it before aiming lower and sniffing, exhaling purposefully blowing on her clit. “Haah…fuck it’s…dammit it Dee…” Maya’s legs shook, trying to get free from his grasp but he held tight. She also tried to wiggle her hips away from him but he bent her legs a bit further back spreading her further.

“Kit Kat, you’re not getting away. Maya you’ll remember what this feels like. What I give to my sweet girl when she lets me take care of her properly.” Her hands that had been gripping the sheets, released them. She closed her eyes. He wants me to remember? I already won’t forget any of this. This is orgasmic torture already and he hasn’t even….Fine. Just fine. Bending forward, she’s pressing her thighs down on Dieter’s shoulders. He held steady as her hands dug into his hair, tugging on his curls. He groans, biting into her thigh, “Jokes on you, I enjoy my hair being pulled. Manipulate me more Almond Joy.”

She can’t respond with anything other than a moan. The small circles his tongue is making around her clit has her babbling a mix of Dieter's name and curses. The more she pulls on his hair, the further he pushes his face into her core, moving his tongue from her clit to her entrance. He traces it gingerly at first before beginning to lap gently up her slit. Maya feels his groan vibrate within her, causing her hips to buck. It’s then that Bravo pauses to give her a short break. “D-Dieter…you…fuck..” Is all she’s able to pant before he returns to her wetness, this time using his tongue to explore the crevices she has within, feeling her tighten around his tongue already. For his part, he’s been grinding himself into the sheets, leaking pre-cum once more. Dieter’s ready, but he desires to see her gush for him. Have her slick so he’ll slide right in. With a cry and curving of her back, Maya finds her peak again with his tongue gliding over her clit to help her body through it. Once she starts to relax, Dieter pulls back and crawls up next to her, placing an arm around her.

“Maya, you sound heavenly when you’re enjoying yourself. Looks like you can handle fingers and tongue.” Despite being exhausted, she let out a snort. He would make a joke right now. She shook her head and ran her tongue over his lips before kissing him, his saliva mixed with her own gloss made her moan into his mouth. He pulled back as he had something to ask her before they continued, “I don’t have any-” Reaching down and taking hold of the base of his cock, Maya didn’t want any more questions. She needs one more thing from Dieter.

“Sugar lips, I’m on birth control pills. It’s going to be inside.” He thrusts a few times in her hand after she speaks, but she holds him a bit tighter.

“Shit…are you sure? Even if you are we could still-” Another kiss shuts his concern down as Bravo moves above her and she opens her legs for him to settle between. He lets his tip graze her folds and she whines. “Maya, I want to, but-”

Her hands cup his face and she kisses his chin. “I want to be dripping from you Dieter. It’s a horrible idea, but so was getting on a stranger’s jet. I’m not having any regrets. Not anymore. You told me I was worth it so I’m going to be greedy. Let me.”

“I’d be an idiot to say no to that.” Dieter takes hold of his shaft in his hand, pressing just his head inside of her core. With the stretch comes another whine from her and he feels himself twitch, advancing until he halfway in, “Cómo estás cariño (How are you doing sweetheart)?” Her walls quivered with his Spanish and he let out a soft chuckle. “You like that Maya?” Her hands pinched his cheeks before moving down to his shoulders.

“I’m more than fine, Dieter. Move.” Maya’s skin was covered in sweat and so was Dieter’s. Once his hips were flush with hers, she felt him take up even more space within her. Calling her name softly, he rolled into her wetness. It kept sucking him back in so he drew back further, slow pumps continued while he heard his name whispered from her lips. “Good Dieter…there Dee, spread me…hahh…Dieterrr…” Maya kept calling him and when her fingers ran through his hair, tugging it. Releasing a groan, Dieter took hold of one of her legs and pushed it upward, exposing a different angle. His speed increased and her nails scratched his scalp. Bravo felt his sac tightening, with his cock throbbing within her, moving his hand that was supporting his upper body from being pressed against hers, Dieter leaned forward to lick a stripe up her neck before sucking on it, Maya turned her head away from him to allow more access to her skin. His thumb pressed on her sensitive bud, flicking it while her walls vibrated around him.

Dieter’s teeth made a shallow impression on her neck with another lick, “You’re sure you want it inside mi amor?”

“Yes! Inside Dee!” Maya held one handful of his hair, and her other one scratched his back. Her cavern kept oscillating around his shaft while he spilled inside, filling her with slow thrusts, churning it inside of her. Placing a hand on the back of his neck, Maya pulled his head back, his chin pointed up. Her tongue ran over his lips first before claiming them again, Dieter rolled on his back and pulled her with him, Maya was on top. Her hair had become frizzy from the sweat, her lips swollen and a few tears were holding steady in her eyes.

“Mi mujer perfecta Maya (My perfect woman Maya).” Admiring from below, his hands roamed her hips. Will she want to see me after this wedding? If I said I wanted to visit her would she let me? This isn’t Anika again is it? No, I haven’t proposed and she hasn’t asked. Maya kissed his chest and attempted to move, but Dieter held her steady.

“Dieter, we should clean up.” Shaking his head, Bravo kissed her shoulder, his eyes were soft and Maya felt her lips part slightly. He’s probably worried, but I’ll let him go. I’ll never forget him. Dieter Bravo, that last woman was an idiot. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel this cared for again. I’m not going to be some crazy stalker. I have a job to go back to. If there was a reason to stalk him it would be making me come so many times…I’m horrible for thinking it.

“Just…alright. Move slow.” Maya raised slowly to allow Dieter to slide out and was able to roll to the side of the bed facing the bathroom. It was also facing the mirror from earlier. The bite mark on her neck and the drips from between her legs had her staging at herself. She saw her own tears, puffy cheeks and lips. Bravo slid next to her with his flaccid member covered in her slick and his own spend. “You look stunning and fucked Maya.” She pinched his nose while he helped her up and they waddled to the bathroom together cleaning up. The pair opted to sleep in her bed since they wouldn’t have to go far.

Dieter resolved to talk to Maya tomorrow morning about what had been on his mind. He’s scared though, what if she doesn’t want to? Thinks he’s too much of a hassle because of his status and fame? There’s nothing he can change about that. She fell asleep first in his arms, tracing circles on her back while he wondered what to do.

Elyssa keeps calling and texting Maya. Her sister in law is not answering. She’s looked up who Dieter Bravo is and why some of her bridesmaids were making a big deal about him being there. He’s a famous, Oscar winning actor…with her sister in law?!

“Honey, I need to know how this happened! What do you know about it Michael?” Maya’s youngest brother, the very reason she was in Hawaii looked at his soon to be wife and shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t know either. He and his sister don’t talk about relationships if they chat outside of family gatherings and him borrowing money occasionally. So far there hadn’t been any issues so he didn’t see the problem or why his fiance was yelling at him at eight in the morning. Elyssa pulled up instagram on her phone and Michael's eyes went wide.

Dieter and Maya in some swanky restaurant. Giggling and eating. Fine.

Dieter and Maya, in the same restaurant, snuggled up and a few shots of them kissing. Well, she did bring the guy to the wedding.

Maya getting out of an SUV followed by Dieter and they’re going into some fancy boutique. Eh…okay that’s more than a date.

Maya getting out of a limo and walking….wait that’s the hotel for the wedding party. Dieter’s in the limo and he comes back to pick her up. Damn that might be why Lyssa is pissed.

Dieter and some guy, maybe a driver or bodyguard carrying dresses followed by maya wearing the same dress from the restaurant pics. The story is unfolding or catching up, but clearly they’ve spent some time together.

Maya at the airport walking next to…well that looks to be Dieter, but he’s got on a robe, pijamas and is holding a goat. They’re getting on a jet? So…she came with this guy to Hawaii?! How long have they known each other?! Did mom know? Elyssa mentioned they seemed cozy at the hotel.

Micheal sighed and looked again at his fiance. “Honey I don’t know what to tell you, given who he is. It makes sense that they would keep it under wraps.”

“He better not mess up my wedding! I don’t want paparazzi sneaking in and distracting us from our day! It’s supposed to be about us Michael…” The soon to be bride whined to her fiance. He’s going to have to try calling his sister as well and his mother. They both turned on the news and saw an entertainment report about the new lady in Dieter’s life. There was someone else who had an issue with this:

Vanessa - Dieter’s publicist.

Her issue wasn’t Maya. She doesn’t know the woman from Timbuktu, the problem is that Dieter didn’t say anything about this woman so she could spin things and get ahead of any possible crap storm. So far, she’s been able to figure out that Dieter has been taking this woman around eating and shopping. In her communications with Zack, he hadn’t mentioned her. Only that Dieter was enjoying his time in Hawaii and was staying sober. When she pressed the assistant, he said that ‘Ms. Maya’ is a lovely lady who’d been able to get Dieter on time to his event. He even took her shopping and they avoided too bad of a fight with Oscar.’

“Avoided him? More like pissed him off to the point where he released pictures of Dieter which meant he had someone following him, probably…” As she sat on a jet headed to Hawaii, she was concocting a plan to use her knowledge that Oscar’s camp was the one who released the pictures in case feedback was negative. In her searches of different media, it was leaning positive though there were of course some trolls commenting on how Maya looked and speculating why she was with Dieter in the first place. Vanessa was curious about that as well, but it would need to wait until around noon or one in the afternoon. Despite getting a red-eye, the flight to Hawaii was still extremely long from New York where she’d been wrapping up some things in Dieter's gallery there. He’d opened that one up after his Los Angeles one had been so successful. Vanessa la Roux would get to the bottom of whatever Dieter had gotten himself in now. She’d need to if she was doing her job right.

Oscar felt a chill down his spine while both ears itched. “I may need to do another cleanse or something. What was that? Ugh..”

The Trash Panda Possse 🦝: @morallyinept @pedritapascal @pascalsanctuary @nissaimmortal @grogusmum

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@angelofsmalldeath-codeine @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @handspunyarns @i-own-loki @tinytinymenace

Chapter Four

Chapter Six

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typellblog · 8 months

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Tsubasa Family - An Analysis

With this arc, we jump to an interesting point in the chronology - familiar in the sense that our narrator has already recounted its events, but nonetheless our first glimpse at his state in between his encounters with both Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade and Hitagi Senjougahara. Third in this trio of life-changing individuals is Hanekawa Tsubasa, and I think if this book has one single question to answer it’s why Koyomi isn’t dating her already.

Tsukihi and Koyomi’s talk about love brings this to the forefront of the narrative. Koyomi’s clear inexperience means he struggles to realise obvious signs of him having a crush on Hanekawa, and also allows Tsukihi to eventually convince him that he doesn’t and is just overly horny instead. It’s more convenient for him. He doesn’t really want to think about confessing because he thinks it would trouble Hanekawa, someone that he couldn’t possibly imagine being into him in return.

I find myself coming back to the thing mentioned in the prologue, the essential similarity between Hanekawa Tsubasa and Araragi Koyomi. The difference between them and Hitagi or Kanbaru, who ‘live their lives facing forward’. To some extent it’s been obvious for a while - both of them putting others over themselves, choosing to act like a good person without really believing themselves to be one. The difference, then, is in Hanekawa’s strength of will, in being someone who can, at all times, in all situations, continue to do the right thing, despite not feeling any particular attachment to that process at all.

That’s one of the conclusions to this arc. The idea that the Sawari Neko didn’t take advantage of her pity, but rather rewarded her lack thereof, acting according to Hanekawa’s will instead of its own. Her desire to be ‘normal’ is the source of all irregularity in this incident.

Koyomi is different. Koyomi can’t help but feeling for almost everyone he encounters. He’s careless, doesn’t always do the right thing, but despite it all will end up helping out anyone.

When Hanekawa saved him during the events of Kizumonogatari, she did it in the same way as she buried the cat. Calmly, coldly, as though it was the most natural thing in the world. She didn’t pity him, she didn’t look down on him, she simply saw him as an equal.

So we are told in this arc, but one thing left unmentioned is that Hanekawa was in love with him.

And while that’s a story for another time, it’s also a story we’ve already seen. Tsubasa Cat. This whole time, she was building up stress from not being able to tell Koyomi her feelings, he was unable to notice because of his idealized view of her in which she’d hardly think that highly of him, and as a result, out bursts Black Hanekawa, here to settle things on her behalf. Koyomi couldn’t become her hero, so she made one herself.

Once again I find myself wondering about the chronology here. Tsubasa Cat ‘skips over’ this first incident - the central trick, that there was never a difference between Hanekawa and the cat, is elided, in favour of making Kuro more of her own character. Perhaps a result of being separated by Kokorowatari in this one?

But precisely because of that, we have an original enough scenario awaiting us in this arc. One where Kuro fights a hundred exorcist battles against Oshino and beats him every time, with the knowledge she has from fusing with Hanekawa. One where she holds back, avoids killing him, because she’s one with Hanekawa and still feels like she owes him. One where Oshino couldn’t defeat her exactly because of the depth of that combination - it’s pointless to exorcise the cat if the human wants to do the exact same things. Oshino’s style is always to balance things out, resolve the deeper issues. But it seems like Hanekawa’s issues are beyond even his deft hand.

Another of the things that Tsukihi and Koyomi discuss is the vibe people’s clothes can give off - regardless of whether you’re wearing black or white panties, a person’s true nature shines through. A chaste person will seem chaste even in provocative black panties, and vice versa for a lewd person wearing white. Their only mistake - confirmed when Koyomi gets a good look at what Hanekawa is wearing early on - is to think that a person’s nature can be only lewd, or only chaste. This is a realization he talks about in Tsubasa Cat. Good people aren’t always good because good things happened to them. Sometimes one’s circumstances are so bad they have no choice but to be good. It’s not black or white. Good people sometimes act badly, too. Hanekawa Tsubasa is both. At the same time.

Look at her reaction, when Koyomi exposes her. He has her briefly talking without the cat puns, confirms she does at heart have the same impulse to help him. She ‘showed no signs of guilt’. There’s no disconnect. Is there anything more Hanekawa Tsubasa than ‘seeming oddly cheerful’ while standing in front of your crush wearing only your underwear? She acts normal even in the most abnormal situations.

The point of the Sawari Neko’s tale in the first place is that the cat and its victim are one. A virtuous person buries a cat, starts acting weirdly, is presumed to have been possessed by a spirit, but turns out to have been just doing that on their own. Just because they’re superficially viewed as a virtuous person doesn’t mean they won’t act out. It can make it more likely, in some cases.

The way Oshino puts it, ‘turning out to never be a cat at all’ would be the worst outcome, it would leave Hanekawa stuck like that, in cat mode, permanently. It’s why he’s so worried about not finding a cat in the grave that it was first buried in, and why Koyomi nonetheless finds that the cat is there when the incident is over. Oddities, after all, are a way of shifting responsibility, something that we blame when we can blame nothing else. Rather than reckon with the fact that Hanekawa simply had the desire to do those things all along, we find it easier to resolve things by saying a cat made her do it.

This isn’t just a convenient excuse for Koyomi, who doesn’t want to think badly of her. It isn’t just a convenient excuse for Oshino, who completely failed in his role as a specialist here. It is, perhaps most importantly, a convenient excuse for Hanekawa Tsubasa, who, despite being fully conscious the whole time, still pretends she’s bewitched by a cat.

That’s what Koyomi shouts to her. You’re still you. Stop trying to pretend you’re something else. Stop pretending that you’re weak-willed enough to get bewitched by a cat. Stop acting like your human vulnerabilities work as an excuse to become something entirely inhuman. Your life sucks, it really does, but trying to work off stress by attacking people isn’t going to change it.

This whole Black Hanekawa thing doesn’t really work if she allows herself to consciously acknowledge she’s putting on an act, because then she would realise the conflict between it and her usual maxim of always doing the right thing. Perhaps that conflict is what results when Kokorowatari separates her from the cat and it lashes out at her psyche?

But for that moment, Hanekawa writhing on the floor, unsaved even at the cost of Koyomi’s life, there’s a further interpretation I want to advance here. Koyomi shouts at her. He’s a bit cruel, a bit unsympathetic. Some of it’s his true feelings, no doubt, but he’s also trying to make her angry, get her to attack him. It seems to work. “Just die.” She repeats it for over two pages - only to reveal that at the end she’s referring to herself.

We talked about vampirism as a representation of Koyomi and Kiss-Shot’s suicidality during Kizu. We mentioned that Hanekawa dealt with similar issues, but not how her oddity plays into that. Because in Tsubasa Cat it really doesn’t. But here there’s a whole other layer to it. If Hanekawa isn’t freed from the cat’s control within 10 days, it will become permanent. There will be no choice but to kill her.

Does Hanekawa know this? She is the cat. If we take that seriously for a moment-

“Farewell. Go have a happy life.” the cat says to Koyomi when she leaves after meeting him at school.

“I will disappear after I hunt another five hundred people.” I? Who’s I?

The pain after being struck by Kokorowatari - in Tsubasa Cat, Koyomi says that everyone that the cat attacked was for Hanekawa’s sake, even herself. Here he says the same, that it can’t just be the cat’s random whim, because it’s been consistently and completely on Hanekawa’s side this whole time.

Because when she picked the cat’s dead body off the ground she didn’t pity it, didn’t feel sorry for it. But she is the cat. When Koyomi shouts “There isn’t anything sorry about us, is there!?” is he talking to the cat, attacking Hanekawa, or Hanekawa, picking the cat up from the side of the road?

The Sawari Neko. Meddlecat, curse cat, whatever you want to call it, the pun is in the verb sawaru - to touch. Touching her will drain you. It will curse you. Regardless of her will. Because the cat, because Hanekawa, doesn’t know about her own power. She doesn’t know everything.

The way Oshino puts it, Hanekawa’s parents are her fault. She acted in such an abnormally perfect way that they were unable to face her. Frankly if you’ll allow me to insert my personal opinion for a moment I think this is fucking stupid. In the anime you can pretend it’s just how Oshino puts it, but in the novel the narration makes it clearer you’re supposed to take him somewhat seriously. Hanekawa really did curse the people around her, purely through proximity. She ruined the chances of them becoming a proper family.

For that reason, as the cat, she pushes Koyomi away, saying he’ll be cursed on contact with her. However, it’s too late. He’s long since been bewitched by the cat. So much so that he wants to die of it.

Is it such a stretch to imagine that Hanekawa might feel the same? Someone like me, who curses everyone I touch, I should just die.

Koyomi’s rant, then, takes on a different tone. He’s desperately begging her to accept her current life because he doesn’t want her to throw it away.

Go on, say ‘I only know what I know’ like you normally do, because there’s still so much in the world you have to learn about.

He says this while dying himself. The question we had at the start, why a relationship between them wouldn’t really work, beyond Hitagi’s interference, seems obvious to answer now. Both of them keep so much to themselves, take everything on themselves, save everyone but themselves. This is the only place their relationship, on its own, could ever end. A mutual suicide.

It takes Shinobu’s intervention, just as it did in Tsubasa Cat, to save them both. That similarity makes the difference so much more obvious. He doesn’t ask for her aid out of an understanding of the value of his own life. From start to finish, he refuses to believe that Shinobu actually cares enough to save him.

We might ask, as we did with Tsubasa Cat, about the placement of this arc. It’s fundamentally kind of odd, the ordering of the rest of the series aside, to put the two like this, having to recap the start and end of this one to fully explain the other.

I can’t fully answer that question. But one thing I can say is that Bakemonogatari couldn’t possibly have ended with Tsubasa Family.

And that's all for now. Hanekawa stocks are rising a lot for me this time round. I barely remember what happens in Neko Shiro so that should be fun.

#monogatariposting #monogatari #hanekawa tsubasa #araragi koyomi #black hanekawa

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toppersjeep · 1 year

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Chapter 2- All For Love Charles Leclerc

Link to Masterlist

Elena’s POV

“Wake up” Daniel said. “No” I said throwing a blanket over my head. “I did make you coffee also isn’t your Netflix thing today” Daniel said. “Yeah probably” I said. “Thought we promised never again” he said. “Yeah we both said that and here we are” I said.

“We can’t keep doing this” he said sitting on the couch next to me. “Yeah I know” I said sitting up. “You know I love you but” he said looking at me. “But what” I said getting up and grabbing my pants. “I can’t keep pretending that I’m okay with this” Daniel said.

“The whole hooking up thing and staying friends” I said putting my clothes back on. “Yeah that I can’t do it anymore” Daniel said. “Okay” I said. “Elena sometimes it’s hard for me to look at you and this” he said I sat down beside him.

“This what Daniel” I said. “Elena I broke up with you because you wanted someone else I know you don’t wanna admit it” Daniel said. “Danny I didn’t say I did” I said looking at him. “You don’t think I see the way you look at him” Daniel said.

“You used to look at me that way and then all the sudden it was Charles” Daniel said. “Why are we having this conversation again” I said. “Elena I love you but I can’t keep this up you are just doing this because..you can’t have him” Daniel said. “I gotta go.. I’ll see you at the track” I said.

“Elena” Daniel tried to say but I was already out the door. And of course April was outside our apartment with George she just had this disgusted look on her face. “April” I said but she stormed off. “Bad move el” George said.

“I know George thanks” I said. “She’s really pissed off” George said. “Okay so is Daniel I can’t deal with this bull shit” I said.

I showered and changed and then headed to the track in Monaco. I parked by car by Charles. Who had just gotten out of his car.

“The Mercedes driver doesn’t own a Mercedes” Charles said with a funny face. “I own many cars Charles” I said. “But you chose to drive the mustang lord” Charles said I playfully pushed him. “Piss off” I said. “Ooo you are filming for Netflix today huh mon chéri” Charles said putting an arm around me.

“Yes now I gotta go or I’m gonna be late dummy” I said running away. “Your shoes untied by the way” he yelled. “Ugh” I said stopping to tie my shoe. Then I was greeted by Roscoe. “Look Roscoe your favorite” Lewis said. “Roscoe my buddy” I said hugging him. He gave me a big kiss.

“I missed you little buddy did you get more handsome” I said petting him. “He definitely did” Lewis said. “Okay I gotta run ros ill snuggle you later” I said.

I then went into the filming room and sat on the chair. A lot of people were staring at me.

(Blue bold will be DTS(Drive to Survive) Narration By El)

“Oh introduce myself” I said smiling at the camera. “Yes whenever you’re ready Elena” the producer said. “Hi I’m Elena Verstappen and I’m a car model” I said everyone laughed.

“Okay just kidding I’m Elena Verstappen and I drive for the Mercedes Amg formula one team” I said. “And well it’s pretty great” I said smiling.

“So can we ask about your relationship with Daniel Ricciardo” the producer asked. “Ahh Daniel I knew you guys wanted the gossip” I said. “Daniel and I dated for about 3 years” I said. “Uhh yeah and that’s that” I said. “The age gap didn’t bother you” they asked. “No it didn’t we were in love you know it sight matter what everyone else thought” I said. “Were in love” the producer asked.

“I’ll always love Daniel he was my first real love” I said. “And I’m thankful for the memories with him” i said. “But now I’m focused on becoming a world champion”I said with a smile.

____

After filming I went out to find Charles. We were supposed to meet for lunch before everyone saw the new cars for this season.

“Lando have you seen Char” I asked walking over to him. “Yeah he’s over by the Ferrari paddock outside” Lando said. “Thank you Lando” I said running away. I went over to the Ferrari paddock. Charles was outside talking to Carlos.

“Ahh there she is” Charles said. “Hey losers” I said. “Loser oh please” Carlos said I hugged him. “Oh shush you missed me” I said he smiled. “Sure not like I saw you last night” Carlos said. “How’s your mom doing” Charles asked.

“Good she’s been feeling better” I said. “You’ll have to take me to see her when she’s feeling up to it” Charles said. “I will she misses you” I said. “So lunch then” Charles said. “Yes” I said.

Charles and I grabbed food and sat at a little picnic table. We caught up on a couple things while we waited. It was nice to have him to talk to. He was one of the few people here who actually treated me equally.

“So are you and Charlotte doing good” I said. He hesitated. “Ummm.. we broke up I ended it” Charles said. “Oh I’m sorry” I said. “It’s alright El it wasn’t working plus there’s” he said then stopped himself. “What char” I said.

“It doesn’t matter El” Charles said. “Oh it’s a secret then” I said. “Ummm you know I should be heading over to the paddock” Charles said. “Alright I’ll see you” I said he hugged me quickly.

“Mmmh see you later” Charles said. “That was interesting” Addie said. “What about it Addie” I said. “Do you not see the way he looks at you” Addie said. “He’s my best friend we’ve been best friends for years” I said.

“Friends sure keep telling yourself that.. you still wear that necklace he gave you years ago” Addie said. “It was a birthday present” I said. “Friends don’t give friends things like that” Addie said. “Addie” I said. “Shoot look at the time I gotta go deal with your brother” Addie said.

“What Lando” I said as he stared at me. “Oh ummm don’t know but she’s right” Lando said.

#fanfic #lando norris #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #charles lecrelc #formual one #lewis hamilton #george russell #daniel riccardo x reader #daniel ricciardo #charles leclerc x reader #love #my ocs <3 #f1 imagine #red bull f1 #charles leclerc smut #lando x reader #pato o'ward

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wen-kexing-apologist · 7 months

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Love in the Big City: Part Two

Once again I find myself without an original essay already floating in my head, so shout out to @bengiyo for the discussion questions. They are a life saver!

I find the question about I maintain effective distance from a narrator when the story gets heavy, but I am not sure that that is something I know how to do. In my day to day life I often feel cut off from emotions. I process my emotions through media, where putting myself in the experiences and feelings of the characters can be used like armor as I turn to face my own. I fail time and time again to maintain effective distance from my characters, because my characters are how I maintain effective distance from myself. I suspect Mr. Young and I have that in common.

I’m glad for these essays because last week’s made me really have to think about Young, what he was like, why he was like that, how his friendship with Jaehee broke down when Young wasn’t able to be serious. Because I feel like Part Two is proof for me that my initial read was correct. But just like in Part One, where Young mentions his own problems almost off-handedly, his suicidality being a single sentence sandwiched somewhere in a paragraph. Here too, Young is rather distanced himself when he recounts his traumas.

He does not linger on the fact he spent his summer in a psychiatrist facility because his mother saw him kiss a boy. He merely bluntly gives the details, but doesn’t really mention how he felt about it. At least not until closer to the end of Part Two. His boyfriend is the same, in some regards. Beyond the dickmatization of our narrator, I think the initial draw for Young was that there was another gay with mommy issues who was willing to talk about them. I think sadness speaks to sadness and that can call people to one another. The failing here is in the difference in their courage.

Young has suppressed his sexuality as much as he could in places where he knew it might get him hurt (the military as an example). But even after suffering what he did in that psych facility, he left it with the knowledge that his mother was the one who was sick, not him. Young’s boyfriend, however, grew up in a different generation. Ben’s right, in BL we usually root for reciprocal couples to get together, and here we are watching a relationship fail. But I am not rooting for these two to be together, because that relationship was not balanced in what it gave and what it took. Young and his boyfriend stood on different ground from the beginning, both in what they wanted out of it and in how they navigate the world.

I am not someone who thinks everyone needs to be out of the closet, I think it is quite rare that we get a closeted and out couple where their need to hide their relationship does not impact their relationship (shout out to Cooking Crush yet again for defeating that trope!) Young does not seem like the kind of person used to be looked at and he’s in a younger generation. He isn’t closeted, and does not at least outwardly appear to fall victim to internalized homophobia, he wants to hold his boyfriend’s hand in public, he does not give a shit what elders think. But he is with someone that is deeply ashamed of his queerness, to the point where he tortures himself with the news. Young is right to be upset after he finds the articles on his boyfriend’s laptop, it would be horrifying to find out that’s what your boyfriend thinks of you.

But I don’t think Young mentioned, and he definitely did not reflect on the fact this has less to do with how he feels about Young and more to do with how he feels about himself. I love that this book got in to the complexities of activism. Now, I know someone did some very incredible work on the Korean history timeline, I just did not have an opportunity to finish it. So I’m not sure about the politics at play for what those students were activists for, but if I know one thing, it is that activists are never perfect. In the US, for example, racism existed within the women’s sufferage moment, homophobia existed in black liberation movements, and transphobia exists in the feminist movement and in queer communities as well.

If Young’s boyfriend and his classmates were activists together, got arrested, fought against whatever it is they fought against and the boyfriend had respect for them, it would be a massive thing to internalize to find out they are homophobic. Hell, when we met that couple at the park, the husband said he believed that queer people existed as if there was a time when he didn’t think homosexuality was real. Young’s boyfriend ranted a lot about the American Empire and the influence of Western culture on Korean society and Young made a point to emphasize religion as a part of that.

Korea has a pretty decent Christian population, and as we saw from Young’s umma that evangelical nature resulted in massive punishment for Young out of his mother’s fear of his sins. And she’d been a Christian for 25 years. I think every character we meet is really supposed to be some sort of reflection for Young, a way to show us alternate futures for Young. Jaehee is what his life could never look like because he was gay in a country that does not have gay marriage rights. But at the very least, Jaehee got serious when Young could not, and she got a serious boyfriend, and entered a serious relationship. Young and Jaehee were so similar for so long, that I do think Young would have been able to maintain a longterm relationship if he could actually emotionally commit to one.

In Part Two, Young’s boyfriend is his mirror. The anti-American imperialist that pays attention to flags versus the kid who does not even pay attention to the symbology he is wearing. The former activist versus the passive kid. The internalized homophobe and the one who rebelled against that. I said it already but Young was tortured for being queer, and the first thing his mother did when the therapy failed was to hand him fucking scripture. Young could have ended up just as disgusted and ashamed as his boyfriend, but he didn’t.

I think the author intercut Young’s relationship with his mother and his boyfriend in this part because they act as catalysts, they change Young, they show him what his weaknesses are, and the pain he will suffer when he bites his tongue…and when he doesn’t. His relationship with his boyfriend implodes when he starts saying more of the thoughts in his head, he waits for his mother to die after he cannot bring himself to ever tell her he wants an apology.

I think so much of this part is about being let down by the people around you, which I think is how Young felt when he realized Jaehee had left him at the end of Part One. We get the homophobic activists as an example, but we also spent a significant amount of time with Young talking about his boyfriend who was the first to make a move, and the first to sit and listen, and how that turned out to be an act, his boyfriend was deeply stuck in his homophobia and stopped really listening to Young early in to their relationship; Young talked quite a bit about how stubborn and strong his mother used to be. The force of her. And he spends this entire part just watching her wither away to skin and bones. He describes how long she kept up the act, that he’d help her use the restroom and then ten minutes later you couldn’t even tell she needed help.

And then he lays his head in his mother’s lap at the end, and he wants an apology. He wants an apology so badly. But he knows he will never get it, not in the way he wants. But honestly, I think his mother does apologize to him, in her own way, when she admits that she was scared. And I think the hardest truth he could ever tell his mother is that he was sorry he felt like the whole world in her hands.

#love in the big city #litbc #litbc book club #love in the big city bookclub #litbc analysis #litbc discussion

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