#never before have i been that lesbian | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bacchuschucklefuck · 2 months

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❗❗Official Class Swap Sorcerer!Kristen Post Alert❗❗ you can: look at her

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #fhjy #kristen applebees #fh class quangle #sorcerer!kristen is uh. Not Home Anymore! she's been couch surfing along with jawbones before freshman year #I think this kinda falls into a slight teen-witch-esque approach which I do like #since I've been pulling from like. matilda and pippi longstocking for these designs. the Exceptional Little Girls kinda genre #it does make her look younger than her peers which I do like. I feel like a big part of sorcerer!kristen's deal is that she's never #taken seriously. frequently treated like she doesn't know what's good for her. fellow adhd havers make some noiseee #but! upon review I feel like there's also a kinda ms. frizzle turn to her design? which like. awesome thats the lesbianism nailed babeyy #the fuckoff giant thermos as arcane focus is a homage to pete conlan but also crucially #if you swing that thing by the cord I think you can take off someone's head easy. I think that's the important thing #her cargo shorts are not of holding but functionally Everything is in there. scrunchies pencils spare gold chapsticks paperclips multitools #tbh I personally love the progression in her design lol she starts out like ''oh this young girl is a bit unkempt'' and #becomes ''oh this person is insane'' by junior year which is really awesome imo. I love that #its just fig left! I mean her freshman year design is pretty much set for me. I just need to figure out the rest #gorgug is kinda aerith in junior year I wonder if I can softly turn fig tifa-ward lol... ooh I have ideas now. this is gonna be fun #but for now. enjoy evening! may we all make like lizard and enjoy sun

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gingerale13 · 3 months

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Magnet Yuri

I am slowly becoming a shit post account aren't I

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penisbutterjellytime · 1 year

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Probably isn't what you expected (also sorry for responding so late lol)

But anyways lol there's two ways this could go

I think she'd either have PCOS and keep the beard. Or she'd have transfem butch swag. Beard could be a safety thing (passing as a man) or maybe she doesn't shave it off because she feels it doesn't take away from her identity so she keeps it. Maybe a bit of both.

Anyway, Butch Kieran Duffy be upon ye

#rdr2 #kieran duffy #dz.art #dz.rdr #rdr the butchifacation #tumblr loves to eat up asks when I try to send it to the drafts #luckily took a screenshot of it b4 I did #i dont care ab gay Bill Williamson but I do believe (gay or not) hes never seen pussy b4 #the reason i think hed have pcos is his in game facial hair pattern is really similar to that of ppl who have it #and even though I dont have pcos I am on T and how the few pathches of facial hair have grown in its kinda been growing in similar lol #If you love a character enough they end up becoming almost every letter of the alphabet #Kieran is this for me unfortunatly #canonically and realistically the closest to kieran being lgbt is being cishet but like a decently good ally #but hes gay bisexual lesbian trans masc trans fem to me #Rotating him in my head so much someone get him out before he gets sick and throws up #4th kinda ooc but eh...

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gorespawn · 4 months

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also while we're here i would like to share the two iterations of tumblr user gorespawn that have existed since i abandoned this blog back in like early 2021. Who wants me

#i grew my hair out so i could twirl my hair while giggling about bald men #and also t.o.p of bigbang #and short men i see at the grocery store who honestly make me feel light-headed with raw and unbridled Want #but that's just a joke. i am. Lesbian #''no ur not'' I AM #anyway i used to be so ripped and hunky but now i am frail and sickly #what getting a job can do to a mf #thankfully i quit my job last week YIPPIIIEEEEEEE so now i will work towards becoming an absolute hunk again #wish me luck #ALSO #if anyone is obsessed with me and remembers all my lore i used to be transgender and i still am like lowkey on the down low #but in a new exciting way #anyway i used to be a gay man and then a stone butch dyke (as seen above) but now im practicing being a girl #it is very difficult but it is also fun. ive never been a girl before so it's a lot #anyway i bought two super cool sexy dresses yesterday for the first time ever in my life #sexy dresses meaning up to my neck and down to my feet and past my elbows. kind of like a wardrobe straight out of the handmaid's tale #from (to quote my friend) ''*The* old lady store'' thanks man. well i think theyre pretty and its v exciting bc ive never been a girl befor #anyway #who wants me #i still use the name emil online btw and i honestly always will i think it's just so me and also i do still answer to he/him dw #in a man way not in a he/him lesbian way #''he's LGBTQA+'' what. all at once?#yes.#i have mastered them all i have collected all the genders and all the sexualities and ive never been ''wrong''#it just keeps switching. which is fine. well im a girl now. in a detransitioning man way. who is insanely attracted to men #but you will have to tear this lesbian label out of my cold dead hands #''you can't call urself lesbian if u have sex w men'' well first of all fuck you and second of all i am celibate so you dont need to worry #''what the hell are you talking about'' nothing. now look how hot i am #im just joking around i hope that's fine w y'all

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jdogandherthings · 4 months

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happy pride. i am aroace. yes i date people (rarely) and have a lot of love to give. no i dont need to explain myself to anyone...

(also a reminder that the "A" in LGBTQIA stands for Agender, Asexual and Aromantic. It will never, and has never, stood for ally. thanks.)

#but if you WANT an explanation #fine. here it is #I'm strictly asexual #I've never been and will never be sexually attracted to anyone #i have had sex with someone i felt very emotionally connected to and safe with #i also unfortunately had sex with a horrible ex that guilted me into it #as for being aromantic #I'm demiromantic #im questioning if I'm homoromantic or just biromantic #i have loved a man before and it was intense #probably the only true love ive had so far #but im just so much more romantically attracted to women #i just havent been around that many queer women that i didnt categorize as “friend” yknow?#but anyway #yes #i am aroace #aroace #aromantic #asexual #pride #pride 2024 #lgbtq+#lesbian #sapphic #i wish i could let people escape the friendzone but unfortunately my brain and heart do not function that way.#i tried. i really did.#but thats a story for another day

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skrunksthatwunk · 9 months

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you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

#before i maybe get yelled at:#1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even #though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism #2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them #3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have #encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in #nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally #about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person.#4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces #and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too.#5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided #tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla #6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things.#7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl #i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know?#8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this #nyarla dni #<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks #adding this wayy later but a crucial part of the experience i Almost talked about it this but never explicitly did was that like #the measures ppl take to 'defend against men' are often deeply transmisogynistic as well. obviously #and when i see that it hurts me too. not that it hits me the same way when strangers assume im a trans woman and hate me for it #but it doesn't feel good to see transphobia at all. i focused on how that relates to other kinds of transphobia #namely transandrophobia here but like. it's all connected. lesbain separatism + exclusionism relies on both and they aren't always #distinct experiences. ime. anyway trans ppl i love all of you forever #i just thought me writing “*turns to the camera* and trans women exp this too.' wouldve been too much even for this post #i figured the audience would like. know that. and so far it hasn't been an issue. i have not been yelled at thanks guys 🫶

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quietwingsinthesky · 5 months

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everyone wants eleven when she’s whimsical but not when she’s a deadbeat husband in her terrible marriage with river <3 none of you love her for her true self

#i think they should have been more toxic on screen actually #have i talked before about their moment in angels in manhattan being my favorite?#i think it still is of all the doctorriver interactions even after seeing HoRS #just because it. Gets Them. the complexities. the emotional neglect and the trauma stonewalling each other out and the Care and Love that #persists and Will Not Fix Anything #eleven/river at its best when they love so fiercely that they hurt each other. because river will lie to him and not pull her punches when #he fails because from her point of view he already has and always would. and when the doctor will lash out in turn because she knows *too #much* and he doesn’t want this intimacy. this vulnerability. with a stranger. and then he loves her. and that’s worse. because now she #doesn’t know him but she knows the legend. she knows the doctor. she knows he has made her river song. and she’ll end the world to save him.#what an awful thing. and of course she’s a ghost. she could never escape that.#anyway. eleven lesbian real #doctorriver #eleventh doctor #river song

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auquaticmoonlight · 4 months

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ughhhh why is gender so hard to figure out. my body is like boom gender dsyorphia but won’t tell me noone about my identity

(I accidentally made an entire vent in the tags lmao)

#my gender dysorphia has been bad the past few weeks. really fucking bad #when I try to learn about my identity I get mad that I’m nowhere near becoming it or mad that I don’t know what the fuck I want to be #but I want to be more neutral and I don’t know if I want to be masculine because I want to look genderless #or if the two aren’t together #I hate this. I pick a label and there’s always something wrong with it.#demiboy is too masculine and implies I look masculine p #agender isn’t masculine enough #I can’t be genderfluid when I only want to be masc and neutral #I can’t be bigender when I don’t want to be a transman #nothing ever fits. and whether I find what fits or not the dysorphia is just gonna get worse #and my mom will think I’m a butch lesbian for years #and once those years finally pass she isn’t gonna let us leave Florida #or by then the transphobia would’ve spread across the county #and then she still wouldn’t let me leave #because I’ll always be too young. I’ll never have enough documented dysorphia.#I’ll never get on t. I’ll never get a binder or surgery.#bevause i look too feminine to be tranmasc.#because I can’t get hormones.#because my mom won’t let me.#because I haven’t had this for enough years.#because I looked too feminine before and thought that feminine things were cute #because I liked girls.#I liked how the outfits looked but never really asked if I wanted to wear them.#and when I finally did it was too late.#the answer was no. but they didn’t believe me #bc for so many years I thought because and outfit was cute or astethic meant you wanted to wear it. but I didn’t want to be seen as a girl.#I want to be masculine. I wish I was born male. but it’s too late for me to realize that.#now nobody cares what I want to be. anyone that does is across the fucking world.#anyways I’m reaching tag limit so I’ll stop this #vent

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napping-sapphic · 1 year

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tbh we need to buy matching stuffed animals to send each other pictures of whenever we are apart

#wlw #wlw mood #sapphic #sapphism #lesbian #i an So Sleepy #waking up at 2am to yearn for a bit and now i going back to sleep #i had a 5 hour exam earlier and i have never been more in love with sleep #it’s good i don’t have a gf idk if i’d love her more than sleep rn i am so tired #but my brain was like: but what if matching stuffed animals #and she was right😤#and i wanted to share the revelation before i forgot it #i love u i hope u get some really good sleep soon i hope you have a good day i hope u get to laugh i hope u get a peaceful moment

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rearranging-deck-chairs · 2 months

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between "i dont know if i knew i was gay when i was alive" and the anglerfish cult always using girls as sacrifices and the "dont kill him, hes a poet! or her, shes got such a beautiful voice. or that one, shes just too pretty to ruin", carmilla must have had a hell of time coming out to herself

#when the lesbian predator internalised homophobia is very literal bc you are the actual archetype lesbian predator #how long do you think it took #i'll probably get some clues when i get to reading her favourite books #existentialism - existence before essence etc if ive understood that concept correctly #she likes judith butler also #theres a lot of things carmilla would never have been if she hadnt been turned into a vampire. gay is not a category apart #carmillaposting #or maybe she still wouldnt call herself gay #i mean thats like a pretty 21st century way to think abt things isnt it #existence before essence. maybe she just kinda surfs the waves of history #'im ecstatic' gfhkfjgh

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22-b · 4 months

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*me, a warrior cats fan, pointing at an image of a literal black cat*

SHE JUST LIKE ME FR

#Ok but ima go off in the tags #THE LESBIANISM #like are you kidding me she was so in love with cinderheart too. always seeking her out to share prey or talk or go on patrol #they could’ve been so happy. both of them forsaken by Starclan. (Were the cinders a system how did that work?) cinder could’ve run away wit #-her to the tunnels. and god do I kin this poor fucking cat. imagine being told you were something special only to get that ripped away #Given to someone else freely with no regard for you (I’m an Aku kinnie too shh) to be told your existence is a lie by a mother who never #-mothered you. because she was scared. and have your life ended sharply trying to protect someone younger in your same situation. to die #-before getting a second chance. god.#hollyleaf #our strongest soldier. truly #kepdoesthings!!

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my-strange-attraction · 3 months

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I need sapphic media recs NOW. Books preferred, but shows, webcomics, etc too. Just. Anything sapphic. Specifically cozy sapphic rather than sexy/ dramatic sapphic, but like. Also just give me your best recs, I've just not been good at finding good ones so far.

(I've been having my first crush that I've been aware of while it's happening, and I need an outlet for my pining other than writing gay yearning poetry and sharing crush posts to my close friends insta story on the off chance she'll see it)

#ive been very emo for like a month now #this crush started in like. october/ november area but it suddenly became more intense just before i graduated #and now i will likely never see her again 🙃#on the bright side the lesbian pop artists have really been coming through for me in my time of need #anyways ive been reading gay fiction as usual and i just. want it to be girls #please help i beg #lesbian #queer #cloudy rambles

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protoindoeuropean · 6 months

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So, he has a new series out so I was reminded of my obsession with Ding Yuxi again and in watching some YT video about the new series I was again struck by how fascinating it is to me how different his looks can be. For example, when I watched the first series with him in the main role (The Romance of Tiger and Rose; which yes, I'll readily admit, I agreed to watch in a large part because I saw him on the poster and was like, well, I wouldn't mind seeing more of this 😏), there were two ~versions of him – in the historical and the modern setting:

And like yeah they all wear those wigs in historical dramas so that's not particularly remarkable, right. Little did I know that this was just a tiny tip of the iceberg

Because then when I went to look him up afterwards on YT etc. and the first pictures I saw were these:

about which I was at first like, is that even him? Like the face is just ... not the same in these? But ok, what do I know, anyway ... And then I watched an interview where he has yet another different look, and that seemed kind of in between, so that "bridged the gap" in a way. And then! – in that same interview – they juxtaposed him with another of his earlier looks: