#nina says bullshit nobody cares about

[golgijev-aparat]

Listen, call me a sad indie girl or whatever but the lyrics "I'll walk you home, no, you don't have to love me" along with like idk some fancy guitar plucking really just hit so viscerally, it's undescribable, it's CLEANSING

[umbra-papilio]

Dynamics in the Slender Mansion

Sally and Lazari used to share a room before Lazari had her growth spurts and began having violent mood swings. In the mansion, incorporeal beings are granted physical forms, meaning Sally and other ghosts can eat and sleep normally, but are also unable to levitate or phase through solid matter, and that they're able to take physical damage. Being half demon, Lazari has physical capabilities that rival or even surpass the proxies, so the best thing they can do for her during these episodes is to just give her space and wait it out. There's normally some property damage afterwards that Lazari feels terrible about, and she always helps clean up and uses her allowance to replace any broken items. The girls are still friends, but they aren't as close as they were when Lazari was younger.

LJ is only there on occasion, mostly just to pop in, be a moderate to severe nuisance, then leave. But one of the strictest rules in the mansion is that he has to stay as far away from the kids as possible. Sally is absolutely terrified of him and will mentally shut down if he gets too close. The two are speculated to have prior history, but when questioned about it, LJ just bursts into maniacal laughter, and no one has asked Sally out of consideration for her feelings. Actually, LJ's occasional presence in the mansion is the only reason Puppeteer is on the fence about moving into the mansion. He might be a vengeful spirit, but even death can't suppress the overprotective big brother instinct. He may be fighting Splendorman for first place in the Hatred of Laughing Jack Olympics.

Nina's a bit of an oddball, which is saying a lot considering all the killers are, well, weird, to put it lightly. Despite that, nobody really has an issue with her since she's so upbeat and outgoing. She mainly hangs around the mansion chatting up the other residents. She's the nicest and friendliest person in the mansion, and she'd be the most likely to help any newbies adjust. She doesn't have any beef with anyone, but like most of the killers who live there, she's not fond of LJ. He just creeps her out.

Ben is the mansion's mischievous little brother. He's not malicious with his pranks like LJ, but he can be a major headache, mainly stealing something and hiding it in another person's room in order to start a fight. He's gentler with Sally and Lazari, but they aren't free from his antics either. He especially likes to pick on Nina (he has a crush lol), but never does anything to push her over the edge. That would be a challenge, anyhow. Nina has a surprisingly high tolerance for bullshit.

Ann is the mansion's medic. She takes care of all of the residents and makes sure to keep whiteboards on the fridge and in the living room with reminders of the killers' checkups. She spends most of her time within the infirmary and doesn't talk to people much outside of professional settings, but some have noted that she's a great listener and won't shoo you away if you go to her for advice. She may be reserved and unemotional, but she isn't unkind.

While Jason is pretty warm and friendly with the other residents, he's normally in his room or workshop, and is usually only seen in passing. His attention is almost always on the current object of his obsession, and will prioritize spending as much time with them as possible. It's not uncommon to hear frightened and/or pained screams coming from his room, but with everyone else living there being, you know, serial killers, they're all pretty used to it. Just don't ask him about it afterwards, Jason gets pretty pissed for a week or so after a "breakup."

[nothewraith]

Shadow Business:

I’m bored, so here’s Part 1 of the unedited “kaz and inej as sun and shadow summoners” fic I started in December. When I actually post it with chapter 2 at some point it will probably be somewhat different. 

Summary: Contrary to popular expectations, Kaz Brekker is a sun summoner and Inej Ghafa is a shadow summoner. This doesn’t change their stories much, but it does change the stories that people tell about them. And now, there’s like, implicit moral implications to their actions.

//Inspired by discussions of who should have shadow or sun summoning powers, and how my mind was firmly changed from shadow summoner Kaz to sun summoner Kaz. This takes place briefly before the events of Six of Crows.

Notes: We don’t hear a lot about how the Darkling’s powers actually work (besides the murder) so I had fun reimagining shadow summoning. I thought a bit about how Alina uses the power, and how that would translate to Inej- e.g. more passive but still critical use of the ability. I also think Inej would use it to avoid killing when possible. I want to be careful to not undermine Inej or Kaz’s non-Grisha skills or the Inej’s sentiment in CK about ‘the rest of us, the nobodies and the nothings, the invisible girls’ which I think is so key to the narrative, so I tried to incorporate the powers in a way that makes sense

There’s also a little reference to my struggle to figure out what to call shadow summoning without mentioning the D*rkling. The names of the guards are borrowed from Joost’s chapter (may his memory be a blessing :/ ).

Chapter 1

Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason. That’s what everyone in the Barrel whispered about Dirtyhands, and the other corners of Ketterdam, too. Inej never really believed this. Kaz was skilled at devising complicated schemes and weighing all of the possibilities at each step. You can’t be a strategizer and not need a reason. That just didn’t make much sense.

Regardless, Inej knew she certainly needed a reason. She was a bit weary of being told half of the plan. The rest would always reveal itself- just in time. Did Kaz trust her too much, thinking she would understand more than what he said out loud, or did he not trust her enough? Inej did what she had to as a member of the Dregs, but she hated being expected to kill without cause. He could’ve at least told her why they had to meet here, at Third Harbour. This was where the upper ranks of the merchers received and sent out shipments of expensive goods. It was bound to be crawling with both the stadwatch and stakeholder’s private guards. It wouldn’t be worthwhile to steal anything- there was no way they could bribe or blackmail so many individuals, and there would be no point to do it here anyway. 

So of course there must be a deeper reason. Inej knew the secrets of half of the stadwatch and plenty of the Merchant Council’s staff. It was a given she would be able to identify the majority of the personnel present tonight. Did Kaz expect her to figure out the purpose of all this on her own? If so, he would be disappointed in her. Inej just sat perched on the balcony of an office building, with the dock in clear sight. She had had trouble finding a place to wait where she wouldn’t be visible, even at this time of night. Near the Harbour, bonelight illuminated a wide swath of space with a greenish glow. Typically, Inej had no problem concealing herself with the natural shadows found in the contours of the city, but she wanted to be cautious tonight, when she was uncertain of her purpose. Inej opened her palms, allowing a darkness, hazy as the bonelit air, to pool in her hands. As she spread her fingers, she cloaked herself in the shadow. Inej imagined her silhouette blended seamlessly with the night. 

Sometimes, she wondered what her family would think of her power. Most of the techniques that Inej utilized in the streets of Ketterdam had been learned on the tightropes and swings; shadow summoning was simply a tool to assist with these skills. When Inej imagined seeing her family again and telling them all the things she had to do here in Ketterdam, the use of her power didn’t really stand out from the rest. She had been forced to become a different girl in the city, and the discovery of her power was just one facet of that other girl. Would her family even recognize her? They would probably be worried at first, maybe even suspicious, for they knew the previous shadow summoner was the cause of so much misery, but Inej would reassure them. That was, if she ever saw her family again- right now, with the possibility so distant, she couldn’t think about what she would say to them. 

A few figures paced below along the perimeter of the Harbour. They were clearly stadwatch. Kaz had yet to make an appearance. It seemed like by this point, there should have been a change of shifts- the same stadwatch guards had been patrolling this area for quite some time. Usually they changed rounds on the half hour. Inej watched as three men decked out in the livery of various merchers joined them. They were talking- Inej couldn’t quite hear them from her position on the balcony. She slid down along the gutter soundlessly, until her feet made contact with the ground. Here, she was less than ten feet from the nearest guard. It would be nearly impossible to remain hidden here, if not for the inky darkness that Inej wove around herself. 

It became obvious rather quickly that they were talking about Kaz. 

“The whole Dirtyhands thing is bullshit, of course,” a stadwatch guard with a grizzly beard was saying. “I’ve heard, from very reputable sources, that he’s actually a sun summoner.” 

A guard in crimson livery guffawed. “I think that’s bullshit. If anything, ‘dirtyhands’ would be a reference to being like the Darkling- you know, all dark and evil and whatever.”

Inej shook her head at this. She knew real darkness; she had experienced the worst of human depravity. In her time in the Menagerie, Inej had seen the embodiment of cruelty wrapped up in a beautiful blonde woman dripping with diamonds and clothed in the brightest of fabrics. She was not such a fool to think colors meant morality. Things were not so simple. 

“Not sure what that sort of Grisha category would be,” the guard added. “I’ve only ever heard of Darklings having the power- darkness summoning? Anyway, I’m pretty sure the only sun summoners were those folks who were around in the Fold, and their power faded after a day or so. And like I said, only Darklings get Darkling powers so this Brekker couldn’t have it. ”

“There was only one Darkling, I thought we all knew that by now,” the first man interjected. 

The guard in crimson ignored this correction and continued. “How would there even be another Sun Summoner? Would he have to be Alina’s kid then? So much for the ‘bastard of the barrel’...”

Another stadwatch guard, a young man with a crisp new uniform and a thick mustache, furrowed his brow. “He would still be a bastard. She wasn’t married before she died. Technically that’s illegitimate, right? But the logistics wouldn’t work out. Brekker is what, seventeen or eighteen, and Alina was probably the same when she died. That doesn’t make sense.”

This discussion of her saint was making Inej’s stomach turn. And, regardless, their parentage didn’t matter; this kind of power wasn’t necessarily inherited. Alina had been an orphan from a nameless village, not the daughter of some mighty Grisha. Inej didn’t know Kaz’s family, but she was certain his background wasn’t much grander than that of his predecessor. Inej herself had come into her power not long ago. Nina would say that she had always been Grisha and had always had this power, and perhaps that was true. Or perhaps it was different for those with her abilities. All Inej knew, was that one night in the Menagerie, she had prayed for darkness to swallow her, and her prayers had been answered.  

The guard in crimson made a sound of agreement. “Exactly, thank you Rutger.” He turned to the first stadwatch guard. “Your sources are bullshit, Henk.” 

Henk threw up his hands. “Why does it even matter? I don’t even know why you all are talking about some Barrel teenager.” 

“Because if we’re going to deal with this Barrel teenager, I want to know whether he’s going to hit us with shadows, light, or nothing at all.” Inej’s stomach sunk. It had also become obvious rather quickly that they were expecting Kaz. Did he know? Could she warn him? 

“I think at the least he’ll hit you with his cane,” said a new voice. Inej peered through the thick darkness to look at the man’s face. He seemed familiar. 

Rutger greeted the man with a nod. “Eamon.” 

Oh Saints. Eamon was a member of the Dime Lions. What was he doing here? How did he know Kaz was supposed to come to the Harbour tonight? There must’ve been a leak. 

Inej inched further, as close as possible without brushing against the guard before her. She wrapped darkness around herself more tightly and gripped the handles of her knives. 

She didn’t know that much about Eamon. Inej knew the identities of every Dime Lions member, of course, but he was a fairly recent member. Not that Inej could see how his secrets would be particularly useful in this situation. 

“Thanks for meeting me here, gentlemen,” Eamon said. “I’m not expecting Brekker for a while- we have a distraction prepared.” Inej tried not to think too much about what the distraction could entail; Kaz would want her to focus on the valuable information she could gather. Already, she had identified every person present and knew that they were working with the Dime Lions. “Now, what do you have for me.”

Henk took out a piece of paper and passed it to Eamon. It was too dark for Inej to read it. “These are all of the expected shipments at Third Harbour for the month. Plus when the jurda’s coming in at the other Harbours- still not sure why you all care so much about jurda, but that’s not my business.” 

Eamon flashed a dimpled smile. “Not mine either. Boss’s orders, you know how it is.” 

The guards chuckled in agreement. “Do you know what he wants with Brekker?” Rutger asked. 

Eamon shrugged. “I figure the same as all of us- to get him out of the way. It was lucky that Doughty overheard Big Bollinger talking to Kaz about coming down here tonight. He told Pekka, and it just came together. Two birds, one stone; I get the shipping plans, you get your money, we all knock the Dregs down a few pegs.”

It was like it always was. The pieces of Kaz’s plan started to piece together. There was no reason for him to chat with Bollinger about meeting Inej. The information had been leaked intentionally. Kaz wanted her here to collect information about this exchange, then to help him with whatever set up he had prepared. Or least that’s what she thought. 

Inej waited a few more minutes to see if she could glean any more valuable information. However, it seemed that anything they wanted would be on the shipping papers Eamon had. In the meantime, waiting to ambush Kaz, the men had resumed their conversation theorizing on whether Kaz was Grisha. She unsheathed two knives. Sankta Petyr in her left hand. Sankta Alina in her right hand. Inej wondered if her saints would find it ironic. 

Inej padded through the shadows, until she was directly behind the nearest guard. The darkness expanded to encompass him, isolating the pair of them from the others. His breathing hitched as he opened his mouth, asking ‘What’s-” 

“Shhhh,” Inej murmured. She held a knife to his throat. She was close enough to feel him trembling. “If you want to live, stay quiet.” The darkness was heavy in a strange sort of way, muffling her voice to keep it from escaping the shadows. She pushed the man to the floor, where he was helplessly stuck with no sense of direction, then continued wading through the darkness. 

Inej wasn’t sure how long to wait for Kaz. She didn’t know if he expected her to incapacitate or kill all the men- he might be planning to question them. Or did he want her to take out all of them now, and he wasn’t planning to show up at all?  It would be so much simpler if he would just tell her the plan! 

She just had to go by her own judgement for now. And she preferred not to kill when possible. Instead, she spread her hands, and let a thick darkness sink in, as if it was mist from the water. Inej had succeeded in concealing her power from common knowledge by taking inspiration from her environment, as she did now. It was better if this was kept a secret. Kaz had never said that explicitly, but he would have no authority to control her like that anyway. It was her choice, and Kaz’s suggestion. Kaz himself didn’t strictly hide or flout his power. People had their suspicions, though, about both of them. Inej was fairly certain that she was the only person Kaz casually used and talked about sun summoning around openly. Maybe she was flattering herself. 

The guards looked around, confused. The darkness was fog-like, not dark enough to completely extinguish their vision, but surely it was disorienting. Inej herself didn’t experience the effect. They stood tensely, waiting for a fight to arrive.

And the fight arrived, with the steady beat of a cane. Kaz, finally. He stood at the border of the darkness. “I see you all waited for me,” he said. 

Rutger cocked his gun, but Inej reached him before he could aim. The darkness gathered to an edge, an extension of her knife, and she Cut his hand. He shrieked as his hand fell to the cobblestones below with a dull thud. He was the one who had spoken so disrespectfully about Sankta Alina. Inej didn’t feel much sympathy for him. 

Another guard drew his gun, and Inej’s blade found his throat. She spun a thread of shadows before the eyes of a third man, temporarily blinding him, and pushed him to the ground. 

It was only a minute before she felt Kaz’s back against her own. He must’ve navigated through the darkness with only a wisp of light- she hadn’t noticed any brightness in the fog. Together, they faced the reality of being vastly outnumbered. Typically, they never fought side by side; Inej rarely had her feet on the ground. There was a rhythm to it, as if they shared a heartbeat. 

Rhythm or not, they were only two people. Even Grisha have to yield to sheer numbers, at least when they’re untrained. Eamon had made his way through the shadows, and his gun was pressed to Kaz’s forehead. 

“Who do you think will be the lieutenant after I kill you?” he asked. “Not your Wraith, of course- she’ll be dead, too. I just want to get the exclusive for Pekka and all that.”  

“Good question.” Kaz’s raspy voice didn’t waver. “I’ll have to think about it, at another time, of course.” 

“Doesn’t matter who it is. Dregs won’t last an hour without you.” Inej had to agree with that. They would be lost without Kaz.

“I’m flattered,” Kaz said drily. Inej desperately searched for clues of what to do next. They were stuck; certainly if she made a move, Eamon would shoot Kaz. Then, Kaz flexed his gloved hand, and as he gestured, there was a quiet click. 

Inej knew what that meant. She quickly tucked her head into her arms. Even behind her hands, there was a flash of brightness. 

“Oh fuck!” she heard Eamon say as Kaz shone a stream of light directly into his eyes. The light reflected off the special Fabrikator-made mirrored gloves, resulting in an intense beam that would probably blind the man for a significant period of time. Uncovering her eyes, Inej witnessed Kaz smoothly liberate Eamon of his bag, which she knew to contain the shipping information. 

There were still men surrounding them. Kaz turned to her. “Let’s go.” They hurried to the edge of the fog. Inej summoned a swath of shadows, wrapping a deep darkness around the guards. They would stagger around until sunrise, at the least. 

Inej followed Kaz into the maze of buildings outside the Harbour. She cloaked them in shadows, in case anyone was tailing them. 

Finally, Kaz turned around to face her. “That was messier than I wanted it to be.” He was bleeding from his forehead, but Inej was certain the blood on his knuckles was not Kaz’s own. 

“It wouldn’t be so messy,” Inej responded, “If you would’ve told me the plan!” Kaz Brekker always had a reason. That much was clear. Inej just never knew what it was. 

Kaz laughed at her exasperation. “You think Kooperom is still open? I could use some waffles after that.”

They got waffles. 

[1-800-hellraiser]

Rät ( Nina the Killer x Reader)

Requested by: no one

Pages: 2.2

Words: 747

Genre: Angst

Associated song: Rät - Penelope Scott

!Tw! Swearing, arguing, and cheating.

(A/n: Could you guys send in some requests through the ask box? I'm running a bit dry on ideas for one shots :P)

=======================================

"You dumb bitch I loved you, I loved you, I loved you it's true."

        Stepping out of your room, you proceed to walk to Jane's room. You and her planned to hang out today, she text you saying she has bad news. You want to get to her room as fast as humanly possible to hear about it. You and Jane gossip a lot, mostly about mansion residents. Sharing work stories, and weather that person is easy to work with or not. Jane had told you this would be about your relationship with Nina. Nina and you have been attached at the hip since you came to the mansion. Not long after that, you two began dating. Lately, you've noticed her obsession with Jeff has become stronger. Nina has been doing really well keeping her obsession with Jeff to herself, and was making progress towards ditching the obsession in general. 

         However, Jane has caught wind of some gossip from Jeff (Not face to face, Jeff told Clockwork who told Jane). Nina tried to kiss him again. Nina was doing so well, she hasn't even talked to Jeff in months. I guess she's been planning this for months, according to Jane. You burst into tears upon hearing the news, you put so much love into your relationship with her. Only for her to just, fake her love and interest for you. It's not fair. You think she got into a relationship with you to use you to get to Jeff. Or at least, that's what you and Jane came up with. Since you were brought to the mansion, Jeff and you became good friends. 

        You plan to confront her over text, you aren't emotionally or mentally strong enough to face her yet. You start by texting her that you needed to talk. The words that shake anyone to the core.

Nina, we need to talk - Y/n

Nina <3 - What's wrong babe?

Don't fucking 'babe' me. I know what you did - Y/n

Nina <3- What did I do??? 

You trying to kiss Jeff again. Why the fuck would you do that? - Y/n

Nina <3 - Because I love him. And I know he loves me.

Bullshit! Jeff hates your fucking guts and we both know it! He will never love you like I did. - Y/n

We're over-Y/n

     After your conversation you completely broke down. Words cannot describe the pain you feel. Jane sat next to you and never let go of you. She decided to make a makeshift bed on her floor and went with you back to your room to grab clothes and other stuff. She knows you're not going to want to be alone for a couple days. She understands how much you're hurting, and she is here for you.

     After a few days staying with Jane, you decide to go back to your room and get ready for a mission to go on. You check your mission schedule, you have a mission with none other than Nina. Slender was going to pair you with Jeff, but Jeff had injured himself pretty bad on hisblast mission, so he chose Nina instead. You felt like crying again. You really don't want to go on this mission, but money was running dry. You've been buying clothes, jewelry, stuffed animals, etc, online to make yourself feel better. Obviously this isn't a healthy coping mechanism, but nobody in the mansion has a healthy coping mechanism. 

       You were so exhausted you passed out and woke up the next morning to your alarm. You truned off the alarm and got ready. As soon as you got ready, you texted Nina that you would be downstairs so you both can start the mission. Once Nina was downstairs, you both wordlessly got into the car, and proceeded to start driving towards tour destination. It takes about 3 hours to get there. This mission will be long and quiet, you refuse to talk to Nina about anything else that isn't missions or business. Your relationship with Nina fizzled away, and you couldn't care less. 

[c-is-for-circinate]

acelania replied to your post: Current mood: Drunk alone on a friday night full...

Are you willing to share these emotions?

HE DOESN’T GET A REDEMPTION ARC!!!!

HE’S UNREDEEMABLE!!!!!!!!!

look there is a reason that several months of Opinions about Percy de Rolo and then also Crowley sent me back into the arms of Fullmetal Alchemist and it’s because the deuteragonist of the entire story is an unforgivable mass murderer, agent of genocide

(and he’s so sorry, he hates himself for it so much, but regret will never change the past, and history is painted red by good men who were just following orders, and, look, maybe Roy could be forgiven someday but there is nobody left alive to forgive him because he killed them all, combatants and civilians and infants in their mothers’ arms, and he knows, and he knows, and he knew it when he did it)

and he cares so much

and he wants so many good things for the world

and he is working so hard to make those good things happen

and literally none of that effort qualifies as a redemption arc, because there is no redemption to be had.  And I love that so much because:

1) ALL REDEMPTION ARCS ARE INHERENTLY SELFISH BULLSHIT

2)  REDEMPTION IS NEITHER A PREREQUISITE FOR HELPING OTHER PEOPLE, NOR INDEED FOR FINDING HAPPINESS THAT DOESN’T INJURE OTHERS IN ITS PATH

(look, they raised me Catholic, okay, forgiveness is all, forgiveness from god that comes from repentance and personal suffering, but my mom was never sorry for hurting us because she never meant to do it in the first place and all the sorries and sadnesses in the world never helped a single person I didn’t mean to hurt, being better did.)

The past is never erased in Fullmetal Alchemist.  Dead people do not come back to life.  Everything has a price, even fixing things that should never have broken, and Ed regains an arm but keeps the scars, still doesn’t have a leg, still has nightmares, will never transmute again.  Being sorry fixes nothing.

And they raised me Catholic, okay, and I raised myself on fantasy novels, I have spent decades surrounded by redemption arcs helmed by angsty vampires and suffering saints whose own path towards Becoming a Good Person somehow mattered more than the actual lives of the people they hurt in the first place.  Redemption arcs are inherently selfish.  They are inherently contradictory.  Forgiveness does not wash away sins, and the quest for it helps nobody but yourself.

But Roy and Riza don’t ever look to be forgiven.  It’s not even on the menu.  They want to fix the world and they don’t even want credit; they want to fix the world and the best reward they hope for is execution, because it means they fixed it right.  (And they’ll get lucky, in the end, because post-series Ed believes in inequivalent exchange and he believes in them, because Ed’s smart enough to realize that if redemption is bullshit, so is well-deserved suffering so he’ll keep borrowing money and making Roy survive to pay it back, because Roy and Riza being dead helps nobody, and you don’t do good things for people like saving their lives from their own self-punishment because it’s fair, you do them because putting good into the world makes the world a better place.)

And the story never says we should forgive them.  It never says they’re redeemed.  They don’t get better over the course of the show; Roy gets worse, for a while, finds himself at the brink of cold-blooded vengeful murder, only just barely pulls back.

Roy Mustang is going to become Fuhrer of Amestris and he is going to remake his country into a place that will never destroy a bright-eyed young patriotic idealist like it destroyed him.  And he’s not going to do it because he’s earned it, because of what he deserves.  People don’t work on equivalent exchange.  Nobody earns, nobody deserves anything, not by regret, not by suffering.  Every single person in FMA suffers.  Trisha Elric suffered, Nina Tucker suffered, the Dwarf In The Flask suffered, to be alive is to suffer.  It doesn’t buy you anything.  Blood spilled anywhere other than a human transmutation circle doesn’t pay for anything, it just happens.

Roy can be a bad person, and he is, and that’s fine and all, but he’s so practical (I am so weak for characters who are relentlessly, ruthlessly practical in their kindness, who believe that reducing human suffering is the goal and just flatly and efficiently work towards meeting it).  He can act like a bad person if that’s what it takes to fix the world.  He can act like a good person if that’s what it takes to fix the world.  Ultimately what he is only matters to himself (and nothing that matters to him really matters, because he hates himself, and so it’s not allowed to).

And he’s going to do so much good, and he’s going to protect so many people, and he’s going to love so much and work so hard and I love him for all of those things.  And I love him for being and doing all of those things while also being a terrible, awful, unforgivable sinner, partially because I like the world that’s complicated but partially because they raised me a white Catholic liberal and you’ll never really quite convince me I’m not a terrible person just for being born, so like--this thing, that rejects good person and bad person as qualifiers that really matter.  This thing that says there’s no way to erase the pain you’ve caused, so you just do your best to make the future less painful either way.  This thing that says, guilt is useless, you have two good legs, walk forward.

It’s possible I’m now one hard cider further into the evening than I was starting this post, and it’s really highly possible that none of this is coherent at all but fuck, I have emotions.

[2ofswords]

001 pathologic

Even if it says “Pathologic” I’ll mostly be talking about Pathologic 2 and specify if it’s not the case. It’s just where most of my experience lies since I’m not done with Pathologic Classic HD yet. ^^

Also I’m putting this one under a cut because… man. That got long! Like way too long, I thought I could do this one very quick and now two hours have passed and I’m still writing it! Dear god, these are a lot of questions!

 Favorite character: ... It’s Dankovsky. We all know it. I mean I went into the game being like “I’m pretty sure the tragic asshole character is gonna be my favorite...” Credit where credit is due, I persevered until the day 11 conversation. But we all would have known that Marble Nest would have gotten me anyways so.. Yeah. I especially love his dynamic relationship with Artemy in Patho 2 and he is just a fun and complex character, that I really love to think about and who has made some terrible decisions while still staying sympathetic for me. Also the mix of science and dreams is just something that I find interesting and also can kind of relate too. Love that stuff! 

 Least Favorite character: In Patho 2 it’s Oyun. The way he talks about the Kin makes me really uncomfortable. The animalistic portrayal is for me one of the biggest flaws in the game and he is the worst offender. And yeah since he is one of the Kin, I’m probably not the one who should judge... But I don’t know... from what I’ve heard that seems to be considered a problem by the fanbase in general... Outside of that I also think he’s just structurally very badly included in the game? He appears very late and is hostile in a way that doesn’t really make you engage with him. And I was way to stressed and didn’t get enough opportunities to actually talk with him to really make a connection (though one reason was, that I didn’t give him my house in the first run. Didn’t want to, so I had the pleasure to walk to Shekhen every time to meet him.) Even without the very questionable undertones his constant ranting about strength and leadership didn’t really appeal to me in a game, where leadership just far has only proven to fail everyone in a time of crisis. The way he is revealed as the murderer is kind of weak, since you either figured it out long ago or the game just randomly tells you... He just is very unappealing to me. Vlad the Elder also fucking sucks. But at least he as well as the game are so open about it, that it’s easier to ignore while the game seemed to make me want to like Oyun, while I really couldn’t so this one makes me a little more salty.

 5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): 1. Artemy/Daniil: What a shocker! Narrative foils who have an actual rivals to friends ark in the game and a shitton of sexual tension within it! What’s not to love? 2. Lara/Rubin: I just think they deserve each other. Both of them are very hard working and prone to giving up themselves for the greater good but they are also harsh to others. I think they would apreciate each other but also reign the other person in and care about them. 3. Daniil/Rubin: I just want Rubin to be happy, okay? This one is more a Patho 1 thing, but they really appreciate each others work and I really like how they interact in the Bachelor route. They care about each other and they share a lot of struggles and actually a more similar view on the town and the world than Daniil does with Artemy. Also again we have two very hard working people here, who would have a lot of bonding over weird science projects. (Even if these one are worse at reigning each other in and fights would be pretty horrible to the point of needing a mediator because non of these two are talking to each other and maybe only stoop down to writing very passive aggressive letters...) 4. Notkin/Khan: Also more of a Patho2 thing, since they act way more brutal in P1 and also do not really reconcile. But in P2 they seem to care and immediately bury the hatchet when shit hits the fan. The whole house of the death quests shows them more as bickering friends. And I have a soft spot for bickering friends romances, okay? Also this one is obviously only two teenage boys having a crush, no shitheads allowed here! 5. Yulia/Eva: I cannot really chose between my favorite w/w pairing, there are so many good ones! Right now it’s Yulieva again. They are tragic, they are soft, they are so atmospheric and fun to write! Also I just love Eva and think she should get as many girlfriends as she wants.

 Character I find most attractive: Uhhh... I don’t know I find their models beautiful but there are not a lot of them I find specifically attractive. I guess it’s between Daniil, Artemy, Lara and Yulia for me. Daniil get’s the most ridiculous style points ever but... too old for me specifically. I think Artemy is really attractive but I think his outfit is also really unflattering ... Lara is so much my type and so is Yulia! (Though why didn’t you keep the short hair, queen, it would have made this choice so easy!) I think I’ll have to go with Lara, because I first saw her and just went “I love you” immediately? 

 Character I would marry:  If I assume that the other person would be as happy with our arrangement no matter who I chose: Victor. He is the perfect husband by definition and I want to learn more about time magic. Though this marriage would remain very much platonic and also very much sexless... he is way older than I am and that is disregarding that time is weird for the Kains. Also we have to consider Nina’s continuing existence... okay I don’t mind that one at all.

 Character I would be best friends with:  My first instinct is to say “man all of these people would despise me”, which is such a Pathologic mood. I think I would be best friends with Eva. I think we would get along well and we’d have much to talk about. Also, her house is cool and we could go stargazing!

 A random thought:  I love Dora! She is the worst and most iconic child caretaker of all time and I want to talk about her! The whole baby thing and the way it’s delivered to Artemy is already great but then she just silently takes the baby and gives the reward when you’re there the second time? The time she takes Grace away is genuinely such a good dialogue and a tough decision so that’s great but then, she manages to actually get Grace adopted by a dead person, if Peter is dead! And then she may think it’s Andrey WHO IS DEAD TOO! Seriously, who hired her! I know the entire town is falling apart but man! Dora sure as hell doesn’t help the case. But she tries her best! I think. I hope.

 An unpopular opinion: Oh I have a lot of unpopular opinions, but I think most of them should get their own post, where I can explain in details and a bit more serious what I’m actually talking about. But here’s a small one: Okay ummm… please my fellow burakhovsky shippers, please don’t get mad but… uuuumm…

…

I like the first Bachelor conversation in Patho2 better than the one in Patho1. … Okay, look. I love the “left hand right hand” line as much as everyone else. Wouldn’t have missed it and loved it in Pathologic Classic! And I also think it’s a shame that Daniil’s homosexuality got dialed down. Totally agree with that. But! I really love them starting out on the wrong foot. Their whole dynamic of having to establish their relationship makes their journey and the scenes where they actually reconcile again so much more powerful to me and I love how dynamic it is. And having the two of them completely clash underlines for me how much they have to try and develop to be more comfortable and confine in each other. It’s a great starting point! Also the scene is hilarious in it’s own right. The whole buildup to it where Artemy is in such a desperate position to find out his own kind-of-brother wants to murder him… starting this whole thing with “you owe me” and the whole “Vorakh” thing. It’s really great how in retrospect it’s just a really fucking bad start and a trainwreck of the Bachelor trying to sound competent but from Artemy’s perspective it’s just utterly horrible because the whole town wants to kill him, his father is dead and this stranger is talking some bullshit! Yeah, nobody would have any patience and so the situation escalates immediately! It’s great storytelling and absurd and… I really do love this scene and it’s dynamic and I think it's a great first interaction! (Even if it is sad if people think that they now get the Bachelor. Which… dynamic storyarc… complex character. But I think most people will get that eventually, if they just engage with the whole storyline.) It also makes it a bit more genuine when they actually do act friendly, because you can see, how they act, if they’re not trying. In P1 the Bachelor’s dialogue can feel manipulative rather than friendly and while that has it’s own positives, I just prefer the more dynamic approach of their relationship. To be honest, I think both conversations fit in their own games nicely. I just prefer the overall approach to their relationship arc and I also think it’s just less clumsily written and a bit more memorable apart from the very first line. And while I love it in Patho 1 I couldn’t really see it and it’s sudden intensity in the writing-style of the second game, so I also do not really miss it specifically in their interaction. It’s great were it is but it wouldn’t enhance the situation here.

 My canon OTP:  Victor and Nina. This man just loves his powerful evil and passionate wife and I respect that. I think the way they are described and how Victor would fit in makes this combination so interesting to me. He is quiet and capable and you can really imagine the whirlwind Nina still appreciating him and... it’s so cute, okay? They are in love!

 Non-canon OTP:  (Oh my god, there are so many pairings where my brain goes “what do you mean, they aren’t canon???)  I think Lara/Eva is a really cute pairing that sure as hell isn’t alluded to in the Canon at all. Lara deserves Eva’s positivity and her view on the potential of the soul could be really cute. And Eva deserve her practical care and consideration. Also they are both talking about how they do not know what to do with their live and since they both arrive at this rather depressing conclusion very differently, they might be able to help each other!  Also they could play matchmaking with the local doctors together and I find that hilarious.

 Most badass character: Aglaya. There isn’t really a competition. (Okay Clara is also really badass and one has to mention Aspity for just dying when she feels like she should make a point and for being alive whenever she has something really important to say... that’s also pretty badass and she also is in general.) Aglaya is so powerful and intimidating and armed with metaknowledge. She even knows about her plot armor (and how long that will last...) Do not cross this lady, you will definitely regret it! (Okay the true answer is obviously Teensy. But shhhh…)

 Pairing I am not a fan of:  I’m not really a fan of Aglaya/Artemy especially in Patho2. I just cannot get over her immediately opening the gallows and then breaking Grief down. Artemy in Patho2 doesn’t really feel like a person who would appreciate either and he gets like really upset about Grief without it getting really resolved. (And Aglaya is very unapologetic about it, which might be a part of the truth since we don’t know what happened but still doesn’t help the case.) Also they talk very businesslike and like Aglaya is just making plans which Artemy in mind which doesn’t feel like a good baseline even if she appreciates his insight. It’s still only one person making the decision in the end... But I also totally get the appeal and they are both stubborn, have an interesting way of seeing connections and their worldviews are very interesting together especially, if we think about P1, so I also get shipping them! I’m just not the biggest fan myself.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Uhhh... Hm... There is not really a character I find completely broken and I’ve complained about Oyun enough... So I have to go with Aglaya and only for the reason that I find the ending where they leave town pretty forced. (I’m sorry, I don’t hate her! All of the characters are so amazing, she only has some writing choices specifically that I didn’t like! But I still think she’s cool!) I actually kind of like that it exists and I think the way it plays out is very heart-wrenching and honestly amazingly made but the whole way to get to the decision feels a bit awkward to me just because both of their duties get weirdly lampshaded without making the meta entirely obvious. Either just shattering the fourth wall here or making the situation way more desperate for both of them would have done the trick, I guess.  I in general would have loves, if her meta would have been used a bit more explicitly. It felt a bit gimmicky to make her cool at times and while Artemy might not be the route for that... there ideology talk in Patho1 sure as hell managed that. Their dialogue is still good but I had very high hopes while I approached it. I do know that there is more behind the meta and I wish we could have seen a bit more of that then her offhandedly mentioning it. She never really engaged with her struggle and never allowed Artemy to really engage with it, what also made the whole town fleeing scene a bit jarring, especially if you didn’t play the first game. 

Favourite friendship: I mean the whole apple basket gang friendship, obviously! Is there really another friendship that competes in the game? I love their dynamic and I also love how torn apart the friendship is and how they are only beginning to reconcile even at the end of the game. Not all is good yet but they stay hopeful and I think that is a very strong message.

[ill-skillsgard]

Damn Straight, Part 3 - Bill Skarsgård

Title: Damn Straight

Description: Deceptions bring a young couple to Mirth Island, a place of natural beauty and the promise of inner healing. When one of them is introduced to a young man who lives on the island, their budding friendship threatens to destroy more than just trust.

Warning: 18+ sex/swearing/drug use/mentions of addiction and cheating

Part 1 Part 2

A week sailed drowsily by on Mirth Island and I had managed to attend at least one circle each day. Most of the time Cici came with me but once she started giving voice to small mundane complaints it quickly sucked the joy out of the whole concept for me. Instead of sitting, relaxing and breathing in unison, she would grunt and sigh, eager for it to be over. I found that I could not talk about anything that had been bugging me. I decided, in order to salvage the entire therapeutic value of the trip that I would ask her to stop coming with me. "Excuse me?" Cici demanded, hands balled on her hips after I tried to casually suggest she sit the next few circles out. We were in our suite when I told her. It was just before sunset and I wanted to go to the last circle of the day. Sunset Circle was always accompanied by fire and bled into roaming the beach and possibly drinking afterward. They were definitely the most fun. "Well you just don't seem to like them so why would you want to go?" I asked her, trying to keep it nonchalant. "Because we're supposed to do these things as a couple, remember? That was the whole point of us coming here?" "The point of us coming here was so I could get help and it's no help if you're there picking every little thing apart," I replied, my frustration becoming evident in my tone. "I just don't get what you mean when you say some of the things that you do. Like how you're confused about who you are? There's nothing confusing about it. You're a sex addict. What is there to be confused about?" I scowled at her with as much disdain as I could possibly convey. The line that I drew for her bullshit was swiftly approaching. "Maybe it goes a little deeper than that. Maybe I need help with figuring some shit out and it might not require your help at all! I just need... I need a fucking break from the constant judgment. I came here to find a way out of the fucking endless pit I'm falling down! I don't need you standing above me with a shovel!" Cici retracted and instead of matching my anger she began to sob. This was the manipulation tactic that I was used to. I could pinpoint the moment she actually shed real tears but whether they were true or forced, I wasn't going to give in. Not this time. "So I'm smothering you now? Over twenty years and all of a sudden you're being smothered?" I was quiet for a moment as I searched for the right thing to say. "You're not the only one who wants to take a razor to their wrists, Cici. So just let me do what I need to do." "Fuck you!" She howled, loud enough for others to hear, I was certain. "I'm going to sit in a fucking circle and talk to other people about my problems. Cry all you want. Break shit. Just remember that you are the one who wanted me to come here. I'm doing this for us." Tears poured down her cheeks and she sobbed uncontrollably. I picked up a sweater and threw it on as I left through the back door, making sure to close it on my way out so nobody could hear her crying. I started down the path and stopped abruptly when I saw Bill there smoking a cigarette, head bowed until I approached. When he looked up at me it was apparent that he had heard the exchange Cici and I just had. "You all right?" He asked me, exhaling a cloud of smoke that quickly got whisked away with the cool island breeze. I stared out over the water and saw the sun sinking into the inky fluid of the ocean. The sky was like a painter's pallet, alive with smears of aubergine, plums, and tangerines in no particular order. It was a never-ending stretch of the most beautiful arrays of colour that I had ever seen and my partner was too busy screeching about herself to enjoy it by my side. I felt my heart sink with the realization. "Were we that loud?" I asked him, ashamed and uneasy. "Don't worry about it. The wind carries the sound away." "I'm so sorry." Bill took one last deep drag of his cigarette, the tip lighting up bright orange like the setting sun. "Hey, it's okay. I've heard worse here. Much worse." I chuckled, "Jesus, that wasn't even bad for us either." He flicked away the butt of his cigarette. "Do you guys fight a lot?" With a deep exhale I shrugged. "I guess so. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a daily thing." "Are you going to a circle?" Bill asked. "Yeah, I was planning on it." He turned on his heels towards the beach and extended his elbow for me to hook my arm through. I felt my face squish up with bashfulness but I strode up to him anyway. He was much taller than me so I felt silly, like a child and a parent but I didn't care. I would take every ounce of human kindness that I could possibly get and relish it. "I haven't been to one in a long time, let's go." He admitted. "Really?" "I try not to let them suck my secrets out. They're very good at it," Bill said matter-of-factly. "You don't have to tell your secrets." I pointed out. Bill leaned closer to me with this innocent little smile on his lips. "Ah yes, but doesn't it feel good to let it out sometimes?" Almost everyone in the circle around the fire cheered when they saw Bill and I approaching. Most people knew Bill already and I was getting to know more of the guests each day. "No Cici tonight, Vye?" Susie asked from her cross-legged position in the sand beside Emilio. "No. Just a Bill tonight I guess." I giggled. We took a seat in the sand next to Susie and Emilio and got into the same position. Nina was leading the circle that night, a Spanish woman with a supermodel physique and a lavishly low voice that was as soothing as it was sexy. I had grown to like the circle leaders a lot. They were always so poised and calm. Nina began the circle by asking us to extend our hands out in front of us as though we were accepting a large gift. "Imagine the Earth is giving you something. It can be anything; a puppy, a big juicy watermelon, a hug or just what you need to get yourself through the tough times. It can be undying love. Unconditional and bountiful love. Earth is always trying to take care of you. We owe her the same." I peeked over at Bill who had his long arms extended out, palms up towards the fire. He didn't have his eyes closed and neither did I and when he noticed he pursed his lips playfully at me. We went around in the circle giving voice to our inner fears and when it came around to me I took a deep breath in, savoring the smokiness of the fire mixed with the salt of the ocean. "I am afraid of opening up. I am afraid of change. I have carved a path for myself that I'm not sure I want to continue down." My eyes were shut but the crackling fire cast orange through my eyelids. The raucous voice of the ocean seemed to be all around me and for a moment I forgot where I was. "We hear you, Vye. You are not afraid. You are here with us and you are baring your heart to the Earth. You have already taken the steps down a new path. Know that there is endless love waiting for you to come to find it." Nina's voice carried across the circle to me without skipping a beat. It baffled me how they always knew the right thing to say. Tuning out all other voices, I thought of what Nina said about how I had already started down the steps of a new path. In a way she was right. I was doing what I could to help myself, silencing the negative voices constantly screaming in my head, shutting it all down until I was left with nothing but my shorn self, ready to regrow and flourish like a brand new garden. I didn't care if Cici thought the circles were pointless. They had a point to me and after the conclusion, more wood was put on the fire. Some people left and some people stayed. I chose to stay after Susie had suggested it and made mention of a full moon celebration. Intrigued by what that entailed, I remained on the beach with her, Emilio, Bill, and some others. Blankets and beer were brought down to the beach as well as a shift in everyone's attitude. We had all gone from calm and serene to rowdy and perhaps a little obnoxious. I sat drinking a beer beside Bill who had hardly left my side the entire time. Susie had gone off to retrieve something that she deemed absolutely necessary to get the full moon celebration underway. Leaning over towards Bill I asked, "what exactly is a full moon celebration?" "Oh, you know... A little of this and that. Maybe but not entirely centered around consuming tea that may or may not be laced with something that could make you feel a little... Loose." "Loose? Like, how loose?" I asked with curiosity peaked. Bill sucked air through his teeth and rubbed his palms together with a smile. "I don't know, you want to find out?" Susie came back down the beach holding a ceramic jug with Cici trailing behind her. My partner had a lilt in her step that told me she had been doing some drinking back in the suite. That could have been a good thing or very bad but when I saw both her and Susie smiling I breathed a sigh of relief. "Where's my fucking girlfriend?" Cici hollered. Bill pointed at me as we both twisted around to see them approaching. Cici skipped ahead of Susie, kicking up sand as she careened towards me and fell into my lap like a sack of rocks. "Jesus, Cici, be careful," I admonished while Bill sat beside me laughing. She sprawled over me and spilled over onto Bill's lap drunkenly. He laughed while I shook my head. "Hey listen, listen..." Cici drawled. "I know you are mad at me but look, hey, we can still have a good time, right? Look, I'm having a good time." "Looks like you're having the best time," Bill pointed out. "Yes! Hey, hey, Vye..." She carried on as she tried to sit up in my crossed legs. "I know you hate me right now." "No, I don't. Don't say that." "Nobody hates anybody here!" Susie exclaimed, standing before us with the jug in her grip. "Tonight we give ourselves over to the full moon!" Everyone quieted down as Susie held the ceramic pitcher high in the air. The fire roared behind her, illuminating her like a titian Goddess draped with a silky fringed sarong and no shoes on her feet, bangle bracelets jingling as she rose the jug higher. "Tonight, my beauties, is the night we open our hearts, our minds and our third eyes to the love of the Moon! For just as we bask in the warmth of the Sun, we must pay tribute to her sister who is as full and complete as she can possibly be. Oh, guardian of the night sky, we drink to your praise!" Susie drank deeply from the jug and everybody clapped for her, including myself even though I was still on the fence about consuming an unknown liquid that Bill ambiguously described as having loosening qualities. Susie then went around, tipping the jug to whoever would partake. Cici shot up and took a turn as I watched on, slack-jawed and impressed. The liquid dribbled down her chin and neck and after she swallowed she threw her arms in the air and howled at the moon. Like a celestial floating figure, peaceful and God-like, Susie approached Bill and me who had been sitting on the same blanket observing all of the ritualistic high jinks taking place around the fire. Susie took a slow step forward towards Bill and held the jug close to his face. His big eyes looked up and I could see the glowing reflection of the moon glistening inside them. Susie held the rim of the vessel to Bill's open lips and he drank, larynx bobbing with every languid swallow. When he came away satiated, one single drop of liquid slid down his bottom lip that he wiped away with the back of his palm. After Bill, Susie turned to me. "Vye?" She asked. My heart hammered so hard I could hear it but I closed my eyes, opened my mouth and drank the bitter liquid. When Susie took the jug away from my mouth she beamed down on me and sang, "Have fun darling." It didn't take long for me to begin to feel different and I wasn't the only one. Cici had made it her mission to tell everyone that she loved them. Some of us sprawled over the woven blankets to look up at the night sky and some wandered away to sink their feet and hands into the sand and dance in the lapping tide. About five feet away from where I was sitting I saw Emilio and Susie kissing each other slowly which grabbed not only my attention but Cici's as well. In my mind's fog, I swore I saw them take notice of my girlfriend sitting there watching them. Susie extended her thin arm, inviting Cici closer. The couple each had a hazy, sexually-charged look on their faces and I couldn't believe my eyes when Cici began to kiss Susie. I did nothing but watch until Bill laughed and put his arm around me, soundlessly encouraging me to stop paying them any attention, cutting me off from the view of them. My body temperature fluctuated. I went from feeling hot in all my muscles to shivering as though ice water was being poured down my back. My mouth was stuck in a permanent smile. I had remembered feeling like this after taking a pill in a club once on Cici's twentieth birthday. Bill leaned into me and rested his head on mine. The arm he had slung around me pulled me closer and the hand that was free was fidgeting so I threaded my fingers through his. The feeling of my skin on someone else's skin was amazing and electrifying and any thought I attempted to have about pulling away was thwarted quickly by the fuzzy warmth and need to be close to him. I chanced one more look over at Susie, Emilio, and Cici and felt this roil in my stomach when I saw them all laying together, hands and limbs entangled in ways that were certainly not monogamous. "How are you feeling?" Bill asked, voice low so our conversation remained as private as possible. "I don't know, I feel so weird. Like my insides are swirling together like melted ice cream," I laughed. "Do you want to go somewhere else?" He asked me. "Where?" Bill pointed towards the gentle undulating ocean. I prickled at the thought of water and cringed into him closer. "The ocean? You want to go in, like right now? What if there are sharks or... Jellyfish?" "We don't have to go in. Come on," Bill said as he stood up, offering me his hand so I could get up too. The rush that I got from standing up so quickly made me nearly topple over but I had Bill there for support. Gentle, tall, loving Bill. He put his arm around my shoulders again and I appreciated his warmth so much that it almost brought me to tears. We left the other guests around the dwindling fire and walked together towards the water. The full moon above the endless valley of waves was so beautiful I had to cover my mouth for a moment. In the distance, we could see a boat with its lights on and the realization that I was one single person on a floating island in the middle of the ocean was overwhelming. I felt that shift of cold and hot in my muscles and it felt like I was turning to liquid. When I told Bill the way I was feeling he bent down, encircled his arms below my hips and lifted me up off the sand. I hooked my ankles behind him and laughed as he stood on the shore holding me up like a child. It felt good to be close to him. He clung to me lovingly, his thumb drawing circles on my lower back as he carried me forward. He walked us into the slick part of the sand so the tide could kiss at his feet and then retreat back into the gulf. "This is amazing. I feel amazing!" I exclaimed. "Do you want me to put you down?" He asked. Being put down meant no more closeness and I was feeling rather magnetic like I was being drawn to him and I could not let go. I shook my head and he said, "all right. This is nice anyway." Suddenly the warmth kicked into gear and hit me hard. The swirling in my stomach started to feel less like melted ice cream and more like boiling lava. I pulled back to look at Bill in the moonlight. I had never met anyone that looked quite like him. At first, I had tried to assure myself that even though he was good-looking, that should have made no difference in whether I pursued his friendship with any more or less effort. However, at that moment as I stared at him, I thought he may have been one of the most gorgeous people that I had ever met. His big eyes bore into my soul like two icy green knives, his smile... Irresistible. On top of that, he was so kind and worried about me that I couldn't help but swoon, especially then as he held me up, ankle-deep in the water. The intoxication I was feeling started to fling away each and every inhibition that I had ever felt. I framed his face between my hands and stared at him, admiring his Scandinavian beauty, imagining what it would be like to kiss his lips. Then I realized that I didn't have to imagine it if I didn't want to. I kissed him once and the feeling of gently biting into those luscious lips was excruciatingly delicious. He kissed me back instead of pulling away like I feared he might. "I'm sorry," I said. "You are just so... Beautiful." He flashed me a bit of that sprightly grin. "I'm sorry I am so beautiful." I cracked up with laughter and hugged him. He shifted my weight and adjusted his arms underneath the backs of my thighs so I wouldn't slip down. "I'm sorry about what you are going through. I know it's tough right now and you probably think there is no way out but I promise you, there is." My smile faded as he said those words to me and I couldn't help but fawn over the thought that maybe he had been resisting the urge to say that to me for a while. I wanted to kiss him again just for saying those words. "Don't say things like that right now, you're going to make me fall in love!" His expression straightened and he looked up at me with intensity. I combed my fingers through his soft hair, exposing his face to the moonlight. Every feature he had was awash with silver fluorescence from his voluptuous lips to his pointed nose and impossibly huge eyes. I thought to myself that there was no one like him anywhere except for here and for that night, he was mine. "Then fall in love. That's what we do here." He said before closing his eyes and catching me off guard with another kiss. When his arms started to weaken he gently set me down in front of him, the wet sand sucking me in only slightly. He was so tall that he had to lean down to reach my face. We didn't stay like that for long until he decided to sit at the edge of the tide, pulling me down to sit in his lap. We kissed for what seemed like forever until a voice of reason in the back of my head started to set off alarms. Even then I couldn't help but touch his neck and trace the line of his jaw. I wanted the voice to be quiet but before I could shut it up myself, Bill pulled away from our embrace. "I'm afraid that I might take this too far." He rasped. "We can stop," I assured. Bill laid back completely in the sand and brought me down with him so that I was resting right on top of him, my temple to his broad chest. His arms encircled me and he sighed up into the air. The waves lapped at our feet as we laid there, hearts beating and breath hurried. It was only then I realized what we had just done and that should have made me go cold but I hardly felt a pang of regret. "I want you to know that I will be here for you if you need me." Bill's whisper was as gentle as the breeze. "Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me." I spoke into the front of his shirt, palm flat on his broad chest. He raked one hand through my hair. "Whatever it is. Whenever. My door is never locked." We stayed like that for a while, until a voice ripped through the night like a hot knife. A voice that was yelling my name. I looked up when I realized it was Cici crying out for me. By the time she had located us, it was too late for me to pretend like I wasn't just laying on top of Bill. If it weren't for the fact that we were both fully clothed it could have looked a lot worse but it still wasn't the most innocent way to be found. I prayed it was too dark for us to be seen. "What the fuck are you two doing?" She asked, voice growing louder as she stomped down towards us. "Nothing," was the only thing I could think of to say as I scrambled to my feet. Bill did the same and stood there beside me looking positively terrified of Cici. Sand fell off of our wet clothes and I filled my lungs with air in preparation of having to explain myself to her but she just grabbed me by the wrist and started pulling. "We're going. NOW!" She hammered. I was rooted in the sand so she gave my arm another yank. "Let's go!" She pulled and I yielded with obvious reluctance. After a few steps onto dryer sand, I looked back at Bill who stayed where he was. I could not see his face against the darkness of the water and he grew smaller and smaller as Cici pulled me away. The icy feeling returned and I shivered, missing the warmth already. "We are never doing that again!" Cici said when we were far enough from the beach to not be heard. "What do you mean?" I asked her. She used all her might to slide open the patio door. I didn't much feel like going inside but I was afraid to invoke anymore of her wrath so I followed her in. She shook her head and paced for a moment. "This is just dumb. I don't like this at all." "Why?" "All these fucking breeders getting all horny and fucking. It's disgusting. And you... What the fuck were you doing to Bill?" "I didn't do anything, we were just laying there. I'm just... high as a fucking kite. I didn't think you would care." Cici got right up in my face. I couldn't tell if she was drunker or higher but the mixture of the two brought out a rage in her that almost had me shrinking back. Almost. "You didn't think I would care that you were rolling around in the fucking sand with some guy? Please, please explain to me your thought process because I am having a hard time trying not to lose my shit on you." I was speechless for too long before she decided to explode. "You were going to fuck him, weren't you!?" "No!" "Yes, you were! You were going to fucking do it again, weren't you? I see the way you two look at each other when you think nobody is watching! Do you think I'm some fucking idiot?" I crossed my arms and scowled. "You're fucking crazy. I wasn't planning on fucking him, not even close. You were all fucking over Susie and Emilio so we left. Simple as that." "You want him. I know it. You want everyone that isn't me!" "That's fucking dumb. Stop acting like a child." I scoffed. "Then why haven't we had sex in weeks? Months! Why won't you lay a fucking finger on me, huh? What is really going on with you Vye?" I started to get shaken up. The drugs in my system were not reacting well with the situation before me. It was hard to control my emotions and that freaked me out considerably. I knew I had to reign myself in quickly. "I don't know what is going on with me but you have made it your life's fucking mission to prevent me from figuring that out. You are selfish and spoiled and you don't give a fuck whether I am teetering on the edge of blowing my own fucking brains out or not. You just want Cici's perfect life and if something or someone doesn't fit into that you throw a tantrum like the fucking child you have always been. You think that I need therapy? You are a fucking sociopath, Cici. You are destroying any chance that we might have to fix our relationship and that's the fucking truth." Her silence was nothing but calm. I could see the anger bubbling up in her like a kettle on a stove getting ready to shriek at the top of her lungs. But she didn't start screaming, she only balled her fists and looked up at me through tears brimming around her lashes. "You... You are a fucking disgusting, chlamydia-ridden, cock-hungry fucking FAKE lesbian whore and I hope that you enjoy the rest of your stay here because I am going home tomorrow without you. You can stay here on this fucking rock and suck all the cock you want because I am DONE pretending to love you." Cici whipped around, grabbed her tote bag, shoved her feet into her Birkenstock sandals, threw open the door and slammed it shut with enough force to set the picture frames to swinging as she left. I stood there in the middle of the room with my mouth open, the terrible feeling of my drug-riddled nervous system unsure whether to feel ice cold or scorching hot. I sat down on the bed slowly, swallowed hard and replayed the scene over and over in my head like she was still there. That was it, I thought. That was the fight to end all fights. The ugly, honest truth had finally revealed its hideous face.

[harryimaginedstories]

unwelcome hands

hope you enjoy this one. it’s based on a request I got about two weeks ago. warnings: it’s mainly about a guy who can’t keep his hands to himself.

photo isn’t mine but I like it anyway.

It’s strange how it isn’t easy to have fun at a place where you are supposed to have fun. Right now, Y/N knew she was supposed to feel good. Set alive or like her skin was on fire and her blood a burning liquid that pumped pure energy through her veins. But she didn’t.

The loud music couldn’t sway her and even though she was out there among dancing strangers and dancing herself, the feeling of excitement didn’t catch on. No matter how high she stretched her arms and how far apart she spread her fingers, she couldn’t grasp that euphoria she saw written so clearly on every person’s face that was surrounding her.

Y/N felt out of place. And abandoned.

When she breathed, her lungs filled with air that was thick with artificial smoke and humid from people’s sweat. Her eyes darted around the room and the only thing showed by the dim lights was a group of people that had accomplished what she hadn’t and it was enough to make her feel terrible. Y/N wasn’t a person who didn’t enjoy a night out, it was just that she didn’t enjoy a night out on her own. And though she hadn’t come to the venue alone, after her friend had excused herself to go grab another drink a good twenty minutes ago, Y/N found it pretty safe to say that she was stranded. Even with a bar full of people asking for an alcoholic beverage, there was no way Nina would take that long, unless she had let herself be interrupted by a girl chatting her up. One glance sufficed for Y/N’s suspicion to be confirmed. Her tall and blonde friend was practically glowing as she leant against the bar with a drink in her hand, facing a girl who sipped on the glass Y/N knew had supposed to have been for her.

“Great. Thanks.“

Though the emotion of having been abandoned settled in the pit of her stomach, Y/N took a deep breath and continued to move her hips in the right rhythm to the music. Maybe she wouldn’t catch on to feeling as good as the people around her, but it didn’t hurt to continue trying.

Y/N mouthed along to the song being blasted through the speakers.

That’s when she caught the attention of somebody standing near her and even she hadn’t wanted it, she captured his interest.

Maybe it was because her night was meant to be doomed, because only minutes after she had decided to let go, a person decided to take hold of her and guide her movements so they matched his. Hands settled on her hips and pulled her against a stranger’s front where they held her tight, making her feel the friction of his jeans against her backside. Y/N’s eyes shot open. She wiggled in the man’s hold and tried to bring just a little more distance between them, but he kept his hands where they were and made it impossible for her to move any way other than in the one he guided her to. Hot breath touched her bare neck and Y/N shuddered when a foreign and wet mouth settled against the skin of her shoulder.

She tried to enjoy it. Willed herself to like what he was doing. But as mentioned before, it’s not easy to have fun when you are supposed to have fun. And the slobbery bites and nips against her jaw were anything but pleasure bringing.

The man’s approaches and the way he moved his hands against her body and up her front, was something she knew she was supposed to find arousing, yet that didn’t happen either. If anything, she was slowly suffocated. Y/N felt like a hand had closed around her throat and was tightening. This didn't feel good. There was nothing in her head or heart that found joy in what the stranger was doing with her.

“Stop!“

But of course the loud music, that had drowned out so much so far, also didn’t fail to drown out her voice as she repeatedly begged the man to let go of her body. If only he’d loosened his hold. If only he didn’t squeeze her so tight.

Then maybe she would be fine with him dancing with her, but not if he was trying to suck her skin off of her bones.

“Please,“ she wound in his hold and tried once more to shake him off, again in vain, “Let go!“

Her fingers clawed at his arms to pull them off her waist, but again he didn’t budge. No longer could she excuse his behavior as him being unaware that he was touching her against her consent. When a person digs their nails into another person’s skin and tries to wriggle out of that hold, then that person is supposed to let go. No questions asked. But he didn’t seem to know that and instead he continued to bite her, this time rather painfully, too, completely indifferent to the shaking of her body due to her crying. She wasn’t even embarrassed, certain that if the guy behind her didn’t care, then nobody would see or pay attention to Y/N’s heartache.

Y/N sobbed and whimpered, hoping that by some miracle her friend would finally remember that she hadn’t come to that club on her own.

But it was someone else who payed attention and caught on that something wasn’t right. Harry excused himself from the conversation he was having with his mates and pushed aside the people in his way so he could close the distance between himself and the girl he saw hopelessly crying as a bloke groped her from behind. His heart was hammering in his chest the closer he got, the sight of her making his tummy turn. She had her hands curled around the guy’s arms and was trying to push them off while her expression was unreadable. Though they were a bit excluded from the rest of the dancing mass, Harry couldn’t understand how nobody had caught on and noticed that something was wrong. How couldn’t everybody be pulled towards this girl and have their attention be diverted completely to her? Harry pushed away the last dancing couple that was in his way and stopped right in front of the girl where he made himself look as tall and intimidating as he could.

“Oi! Back off!“

The tall blonde gave Harry a glance before turning his attention back onto the unwilling female in his arms, clearly not aware that the demand had been made to him. The girl’s eyes instantly found Harry’s and she opened her mouth to speak, but no words escaped and she instead only released a choked sound. Harry was fuming and reached out his hand. With a hard push to the shoulder he woke the guy out of his trance and caused him to stumble slightly.

“Mate, back off!“

“The fuck’s your problem?“ the blonde snarled, surprise loosening his grip just enough for Y/N to push off his arms and stumble away, right into Harry’s side.

When her body practically fell into his, Harry was quick to reach out and push her behind him, away from the hands that were already trying to reach out and bring her back. Y/N was frozen on the spot and her hands clenched around nothing, that was until the guy who’d come to her rescue found her palms and brought them to the hem of his shirt, giving her something to hold on to.

The gesture was small, and just enough to help her breathe. With Harry’s shirt in between her hands, Y/N was pulled out of her thoughts and finally felt herself breathe again. Her chest heaved up and down with hectic breaths and with a new found strength she squeezed the clothing in-between her fingers.

Fear still made her skin feel cold, even when there was now a barrier between herself and the man who’d touched her against her will.

Y/N’s gaze travelled upward and finally she saw the face of the stranger who’d harmed her so mindlessly, a face that was hard and that’s key feature were the two piercing blue eyes staring back. She shuddered. She wouldn’t have had any chance at pushing him off on her own, not when he had hands that big and arms that strong. But Harry was tall and had wide shoulders, which gave him a much bigger frame than the blonde’s that was facing him. Big enough for her to hide behind when the blonde stepped closer.

“I asked you a question, dickhead!“

Harry didn’t even flinch and his brows only arched as his eyes practically burned. “Fuck off.“

His hand was quick and slapped away the one trying to reach around him and for Y/N. She flinched and pressed her palm to Harry’s spine.

Shakily she tried to say his name, glad to know it even when he was a stranger. “Harry-“

The blonde’s mouth curled and he tried to walk around Harry, but again he was stopped.

“Mate,“ Harry hissed, “you better watch yourself.“

“Oh fucking mind your own business.“

Even when the music was still loud, nothing could have drowned out the sound of Harry’s angry voice and Y/N was relieved to have it to focus on. It was a welcomed sound that replaced the heavy breathing and low moans she had heard only minutes before right against the shell of her ear.

“I will the second I’m sure that you’re not near her anymore.“

“Oh, you mean near the girl that’s hiding behind your back? Making you look like a proper hero, isn’t she?“

Her hold on Harry’s shirt tightened when the stranger muttered insults to her under his breath and she moved to get a better hold on Harry. She wasn’t afraid that he might change his mind and leave her with this bloke, because regardless of how intimidating he looked, Harry stood tall and seemed determined to stay a barrier between her and him. But she held on and wrapped a hand around his wrist, just to make sure.

“You’re a bastard is what you are,“ Harry hissed.

“Harry-“ Y/N nudged his shoulder with her arm but he didn’t react aside from leaning into her briefly.

“I wasn’t doing shit! Ask her! She’s fine and you’re a fucking cockblocker-“

“Cut the bullshit and piss off already!“

“Watch what you say-“

A soft but determined pull at his shirt and a somewhat tight squeeze around his wrist, diverted his attention almost instantly away from the fuming bloke and back to Y/N. She looked up at him and he was relieved to find her eyes no longer drowning in water, even when the discomfort hadn’t quite disappeared from them either.

“Please leave it,“ she said so quietly Harry wasn’t sure he’d understood her right until she repeated her request a bit firmer.

He wanted to argue, wanted to tell her that it wasn’t okay, but the expression she wore was enough to make his heart ache and he realized quickly that giving the guy an earful wouldn’t make things better for Y/N, or anyone really. That bloke knew what he had been doing. He just didn’t care. And Harry shouting at him wouldn’t change that.

Harry turned his body so it was facing hers completely, ensuring that she didn’t have to see the guy, but instead only saw him. “Want me to take you out of here?“

“Yes, please,“ Y/N nodded quickly.

Her fingers closed around his outstretched palm and she bit back a sigh when he intertwined their hands and held on tight.

Harry looked over his shoulder quickly. “I’m sure as hell going to remember your face.“

“Likewise.“

Harry granted the man one last furious glance but didn’t reply and instead gestured for Y/N to walk ahead and towards the exit, not giving the guy any chance to touch her again. With their hands still intertwined he walked closely behind her, like a guard protecting her from anybody who could want to harm her again.

The exit lead to a small courtyard where more people were drinking and smoking, oblivious to the distressed girl hurrying past them and to the other end of the building where she only stopped to finally catch a breath and lean her back against the brick wall. Harry stopped by her side.

Now that they were outside, he finally got to inspect first her face and then her arms and hips for any sign of physical hurt. His frown deepened and his chest ached when he noticed red and angry marks at the base of her neck.

Y/N was the first to find her voice. “Thank you so much.“

He shook his head quickly. “No need to thank me for anything. M’just glad I saw you.“

“Me too.“

They still held hands until she pulled hers free to brush off the tears still escaping her eyes. She sniffled and coughed. Harry watched with growing guilt.

“Stupid question but are you okay so far?“

She nodded and coughed again.

He reached out and ran a finger down her arm before squeezing her wrist gently, hoping his presence did more to calm her than to scare her further. Y/N’s chest hurt and it was only now that her neck was hit by fresh and cold air that the bites really started to burn.

“I’m just…“ she stopped, not knowing how to finish the sentence.

“S’alright,“ Harry said quietly, “S’okay now.“

Y/N looked up and briefly studied Harry’s features, which were somehow familiar and yet the face of a complete stranger. No photo she had seen or video she had watched had quite done him justice and to have him stand in front of her now was very weird. Yet at the same time, and this was strange to admit, she was happy that it was him who had come to her help. Harry wasn’t a person she believed would hurt her or do anything to intimidate her, a thought she only had thanks to his very public life. In any other situation Y/N was sure she would find it funny. A multimillionaire wasn’t somebody you run into every other day. At the same time though, dressed in a simple shirt and jeans, he looked like any other guy who’d found his way to that club and that was something Y/N decided to focus on. Just a guy. One that was nicer than the one she’d spent the most part of her night with. Y/N shuddered.

Harry, too, studied her face. His eyes kept traveling back to hers, completely fascinated and drawn in by their color and the raw emotion shining in them. He found himself hoping that someday he’d be looking into them and find nothing but joy and none of the anger and fear they held now. He also didn’t like how red they were and noticed that her eyelids looked slightly puffy as tears kept forming and be batted away.

Regardless of all that, she looked beautiful. She had a mouth shaped in a way it begged to be kissed. And her hand in his was both warm as well as impossibly soft, yet with a definite strength whenever she squeezed his fingers that made him wish she hadn’t pulled it from his grasp.

He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry.“

“What are you apologizing for?“

Harry shrugged off his woolen jacket and handed it to her, a gesture she at first refused but gladly accepted since it was getting considerably cold.

“Just… he’s not gonna, so I think I should,“ Harry said, hoping he was making sense, “He just didn’t have any right, okay? You’ve got to know that.“

“I do,“ her hand brushed off the remaining stickiness off her face, and again she blinked rapidly, “I know.“

The sleeves of the jacket were loose on her form as it hung form her shoulders. Harry gave her a smile.

“M’Harry by the way.“

“Y/N,“ she said, a smile of her own tugging on her lips, as he had introduced himself after she’d said his name repeatedly already, “Thank you so much for helping me, Harry.“

“Of course.“

She was about to say something else, finding that talking to him was helping her feel calmer, when her eyes widened and cheeks paled. Harry noticed and quickly followed her gaze to the door where he saw the blonde bloke exit and shrug on his jacket before walking towards the street.

“He’s leaving,“ Harry muttered, glancing at Y/N beside him.

She took a deep breath. “I think I should too. Shouldn’t have come here in the first place and after tonight’s events… well, I just want to be home.“

“Y/N?!“

A girl hurried towards the two and came to a quick halt. Her blonde hair fanned over her back and she frowned when she noticed the redness of Y/N’s cheeks and eyes.

“What the hell is wrong? Why did you leave? And who are you?“

“Was about to ask you the same.“

“I’m Nina,“ the girl replied and looked at Y/N again, “Is he bothering you?“

“You’re late to care about whether or not somebody’s bothering me,“ Y/N replied, voice bitter and low, “Harry helped me get away from the person who was.“

“Oh, lovely,“ Nina cooed and rubber her friend’s shoulder, “I’m sorry. I was just talking to this girl and she… I should’ve checked up on you. I’m sorry.“

Harry tried to ignore the sudden feeling of anger overcoming him. So Y/N hadn’t even come to that damn club by herself.

“Where the hell were you?“ he snapped.

Nina arched her brows and took a step back. “I was talking to a girl by the bar, sorry. I didn’t know that something was wrong.“

“How come you remembered now?“ Y/N asked quietly, “is she not interested and you remembered I was there too or are you not as shitty of a friend as I started to think after waiting for you for thirty minutes!“

Nina didn’t know what to say, other than that the girl she had been flirting with had asked her to go home with her. She knew she’d messed up quite a bit and especially now that her friend had seemingly gotten herself a bodyguard, she couldn’t come up with an excuse and decided to go with the truth.

“That’s alright,“ Y/N said and pushed herself off the brick wall, “I was going home anyway.“

“I’ll take you,“ Harry added, before Nina could argue and was glad to notice a smile on Y/N’s face.

With few more words Nina apologized again and disappeared back into the club, where the girl she had chatted up was already expecting her. Y/N cleared her throat and started to make her way towards the busy street to her right, Harry right beside her.

“M’car s’right down there.“ He pointed to the building a couple meters away, “Didn’t drink anything.“

“You don’t actually have to take me home, Harry,“ Y/N murmured but was glad when he didn’t argue and instead lightly brushed her shoulder with his to guide her towards his car.

The ride to her home was quiet as they didn’t speak much aside from her giving him directions or him commenting on the song playing on the radio. It was all very comfortable to her and just what she needed after having had a night all too eventful. When he pulled over by her apartment building, Y/N wished they hadn’t reached their destination yet.

“Thank you.“

He chuckled. “Stop it with that already.“

He was much prettier when he smiled, she thought, and the shy hope that she would get to see him as relaxed and content as he was now more often began to grow in her tummy. As if he had read her thoughts, Harry’s smile widened and he stopped her from shrugging off his jacket.

“You can keep it.“

“What? No, no, I couldn’t. This was probably expensive and-“

“Well,“ Harry cleared his throat and tapped his hands against the steering wheel, “I could come pick it up tomorrow? Or some other time. Whenever you’re free. Or not. If you don’t want to.“

Y/N smiled and bit her lower lip before murmuring, “Tomorrow? And if you wanted then... I could come along as well?”

“Come along with the jacket?” He laughed and shrugged, glancing at her with eyes that sparkled far brighter than what they had earlier.

She nodded.

“I would love it if you came along with the jacket. Could spend some time together without shit-head blokes.“

“And shitty friends,“ Y/N added.

“Yeah.“

“Okay.“

Y/N smiled and he was surprised when her hand found his arm to squeeze and she rested her head against his shoulder for a moment that didn’t last long enough for his taste. She reached into her pocket and handed him her phone, and Harry’s heart skipped when he noticed that she was smiling as he typed in his number. This wasn’t how she’d imagined the night to end, because instead of wanting to curl up in her bed and cry, Y/N felt comfortably at ease. Happy even.

“I’ll text you,“ she promised once he handed her back her phone and excited the car not entirely willingly.

Harry nodded. “Please do.“

Instead of driving off, Harry waited patiently until he saw her walk into her building and then some more, just to make sure that she was fine and safe. He cleared his throat and started the engine of his car. And before he could drive off, he was very pleased to hear a sound from his phone, one that indicated a text message he was sincerely hoping was from the girl he’d met a bit more than an hour ago.

I hope you enjoyed it! please give me feedback. thanks for reading!! x

Want more? I got more! Masterlist

[survivedclub27]

Why I Left Facebook for Good

Having a lot of “friends” but not being able to connect with them has given me a great sense of anxiety. I have questioned my social skills and hated myself for not being able to endure small talks. I also felt empty every time I see 60 people online but no one to talk to.

It finally dawned on me how Facebook has made me feel miserable.

I had a lot of friends but we don’t have meaningful conversations. Whenever I try to initiate a deep conversation people seemed reserved. Conversations turn out awkward and dry, one that gives you a hint that a couple of exchanges later would turn out to be a “see you later” which really meant never.

After venting out my frustrations and crisis to a close relative and not getting a response, I realized that people really just go to Facebook to feel good, not to make connections. I realized people never really cared. And the emotional outpour that were supposed to be in the chats leaked to my timeline, as I write cryptic posts of everything that I felt. I know no one cares, but where will we go?

Talking on the posts but nobody listens. It’s like you’re in a crowd full of people, everybody talking to themselves. Some passers-by may notice and leave a reaction but nobody really cares enough to ask how you are and if you’re still able to carry on.

Relatives check up on you to see how you’re doing. Not to try to help you in case you’re in pain but to have something to talk about with the other aunts after church day, on how Nina seems to be “out of hand” and “partying like an animal”. Saying how “my daughter never does that” and using her daugther’s diploma to prove their decency.

Everything you do in the social media can be criticized. Being there alone makes you susceptible to the judgement of others. What used to be a portal where you can be yourself and air out your opinions and freedom of speech becomes a logbook of your flaws and potentials. You limit either the rants or self-indulgence. It’s like every post has to prove something. Prove that you’re just posting innocent things or prove that you’re more than what they think of you.

Plans we make with my Facebook friends never come to fruition. It’s as if having my name in their friend’s list gives them the assurance that we’re still friends and that they just have me in their speed dial any time they thought about it. We plan reunions that never happen because we don’t miss one another. We’re just on Facebook and we seem present, but we never really were.

As long I’m on Facebook, I’m easily reachable. Too easy that people no longer felt the need to reach out to me anymore. I also feel the same for many of my Facebook friends.

Funny that when I have initiated closing my account, Facebook shows pictures of friends and says “xxx will miss you” yet all those people shown were the ones who didn’t reply to my messages. I had to let go of all the bullshit. And I felt that I needed to act fast.

Then... I finally got my life back.

[nylonsandlipstick]

lala my babe what are your unpopular opinions about the harry potter fandom?

omg. what aren’t they? nina, you know the right questions to ask. i’m literally so salty about everything in the books. tbh this is gonna turn more into an anti jkr post so if anyone is sensitive about rowling hate, scroll down.

jkr is such a terrible “feminist” as she calls herself, because she treats her female characters so poorly.

cho is just basically treated like shit because she’s soft and gentle? like, way to be a hypocrite, rowling (she called lewis a sexist for his treatment of susan and hasn’t even read the books and she’s literally doing the same exact shit).

she didn’t bat an eyelash when lavender brown, a explicitly described as black, was whitewashed in the films, it’s not like she treated lavender any better as she killed lavender off in the battle of hogwarts but there you go.

she hated and mistreated pansy just because she’s a nasty slytherin girl, like, that’s a child, have her grow up, have her learn from her mistakes, have her develop, who the hell hurt you so much that you can’t give a girl like pansy a redemption arc???

tonks deserved so much better but the fuck with that incest shit with her crushing on her cousin (in a pottermore story)?? like, damn, guess i know now where cc came up with her incest obsession.

the patil twins are basically ignored by rowling. they’re kind of there for woc brownie points but rowling couldn’t even be bothered to confirm whether the twins died or not at the end of the battle of hogwarts.

hermione is literally the worst. i hate hermione so much. she’s just so annoying and so high and mighty and it’s like, fuck off, nobody cares.

in the entire series there are about 15 poc characters (angelina johnson, alicia spinnet, bane the centaur, blaise zabini, cho, dean, duncan inglebee, fred weasley ii, gweong jones, kingsley shacklebolt, lavender brown, lee jordan, padma and parvati patil, and roxanne) and only a handful of them even have speaking lines. there are a total of 772 characters. only 15 have been worth being mentioned as poc, even less than that even have speaking roles. gonna let that speak for itself.

rowling literally fucking apologized for snape’s death and i’m like, the death of a white supremacist parallel, bullying, prejudiced, narrow-minded man who fucking hated kids that he worked with and didn’t give a damn about the child of the woman that he was fucking obsessed over (do not give me that “but he was james’s son so snape wasn’t obligated to like harry” bullshit, snape could totally have had harry close to him as his last tie to lily and could have tried to protect harry as that would have been lily’s wish). i understand that it’s tradition to apologize for some death on the anniversary of the war or whatever but maybe you should apologize for deaths of characters that weren’t such assholes???

also, the fact that rowling could give such a shitty guy a redemption arc (that a lot of people in the fandom fawn over!!!) yet draco, a child, was mistreated and straight up hated by rowling just because he grew up in a bigoted, close-minded household and didn’t know any better and ended up in slytherin and only continued to follow voldemort out of fear for voldie and his father and he’s such a great and three-dimensional character yet rowling constantly hates him for ????? being a slytherin???

which, like, what the fuck is up with rowling and hating on slytherins?? she acts like they’re terrible people yet gave us some pretty complex characters coming out of that house and it’s like, if your intent was to make us hate slytherin just because you do, it didn’t work.

the goblins are heavily coded as jewish and just the fact that literally the only jewish rep in the entire series are a bunch of goblins that work in banks just blows. my. fucking. mind. wow. as if jewish people haven’t experienced enough antisemitism in europe as it is now they’re gross and greedy goblins. yup. rowling is great.

how is it that draco, a child who is so very obviously suffering from depression, is seen as evil and terrible because of his mental illness (because his depression is what makes him “go crazy” and paranoia is a punchline to rowling) yet everyone who had to spend 12 years in azkaban (who all happen to be her favorite characters) and had to go through a shit ton of terrible crap somehow come out perfect and unaffected. like, not only is that a gross display of ableism but an insane lack of understanding of anything psychological. and, sirius, the only person who even displayed a small amount of mental instability was killed off so. ableism.

i am so mad about dumbledore. what the fuck, rowling, what the fuck? rowling is nowhere near being an ally as literally her only hp books character (i’ll talk about fantastic beasts in a mo) that’s confirmed as gay was confirmed so several years later in an interview (as if rita skeeter wouldn’t have figured that shit out asap??) and he’s an evil dude because of the fact that he’s gay and rowling explains his rejection of his homosexuality as being asexual and like, that’s not how it fucking works, rowling. first, you can’t turn off your sexuality like that, and second, asexuality isn’t just what you call being celibate or whatever.

the fact that werewolves are supposed to represent hiv+ gays. oh. my. g o d. wha t  t h e  f u ck???? what the fuck is that? oh my g o d. i can’t even handle this. i’m going to the next bullet point because the homophobia is destroying my soul.

gonna continue with the homophobia with the fact that rowling has a gay character in fantastic beasts that’s a fucking piece of shit and a total abuser and oh, look at that, played by an abuser. and little miss “i don’t support aggressors” literally supported an abuser playing the character. like. oh my god. look, i never gave a rat’s patootie about johnny depp or amber heard before the abuse allegations came out but olivia benson taught me better than to veer on the side of the alleged abuser just because he’s famous and the victim is bisexual and settled the court case with money.

eurocentrism is a real thing and rowling just seems to love to show that off. how the fuck are you gonna tell me that in the entire world there would be 11 wizarding schools and 3 of them would be in europe?? you know what, how the fuck are you gonna tell me that europe itself would have only 3 schools??? do you not understand that europe, the home of nationalism, would have almost one school per fucking country?? do you not understand that most of the european countries turn their nose in the air to each other because they all think that they’re better than each other and that they wouldn’t all totally have their own schools??? maybe benelux would share their own school, the uk would share their own school (although don’t doubt that the scottish would say a big fuck you to england and block all of the non-scottish kids out of hogwarts and force the rest of the uk to make their own new school at some point), and a few other places would share but literally do not tell me that spain, who cannot stand france, would share a fucking school with the french. like, i know a lot of hp fans are american but xenophobia in europe is a big thing.

but, on to the other wizarding schools. don’t tell me that latin america would have one fucking school for all of latin america. like, do you not understand that latin america is a mix of spanish, indigenous, african, and asian with different forms of ancient practices and brujeria that wouldn’t mix well with each other??? brazil doesn’t even fucking speak spanish!!!!!! brazil, with it’s large ass population of portuguese-speakers would need their own school while the caribbean would need their own school (if not two, because don’t tell me that a school full of cubans, puerto ricans, and dominicans wouldn’t be fucking insane and need to be divided), mexico would probably need their own school, and central and south american would need at least two other schools. and that’s just latin america. you can imagine how many schools asia would need what with most of southeast asia not being able to share a school (china and north korea would definitely have their own schools, don’t fight me), south asia having completely different practices than southeast, and the middle east would have to divide several schools between each other. and africa would need several schools. and australians??? jk never even mentioned them if i remember correctly????

eurocentrism mixed in with cultural appropriation and straight up racism is what i call ilvermorny. how the fuck are you gonna tell me that white racists are gonna be okay with sending their kids over to a school of native american magic. no, actually, how the fuck are you gonna tell me that native americans are gonna be okay with sharing their magic? magic that is so sacred and has so many rules and isn’t some fucking fictional fantasy to actual native americans but is complete reality to them??? and they’re going to be totally okay with a bunch of white people (people who’s ancestors committed mass genocides full of native americans because they wanted fucking land and power and gold and gave no fucks for the real human beings that were the natives because they weren’t apparently civilized and therefor weren’t real human beings) coming and putting a school where sacred native magic is taught in boston of all places??? rowling, you didn’t even try to research this shit.

boston wouldn’t even be where the new england wizarding school would be in. it would be in fucking salem, massachusetts. fight me if you disagree but i will fight back so hard on that shit. midwest would have its own school. the south would have one. texas would have its own school because fuck texas, nobody wants them. and florida would have its own school because where the fuck are we in?? the south?? north cuba?? who fucking knows. and let’s not forget louisianna would have its own school and the african americans in the north would have their own school too and asians in the u.s.??? their own schools. and the native americans would have a shit ton of smaller schools because there are different tribes with different histories and some wouldn’t be able to share a school because of those differences like in asia.

and canada would have two schools because fuck you if you think that french canadians (read: quebec) would willingly share a school with english canadians and don’t tell me that canada wouldn’t have tried pushing everyone into one school where the question of “what about french-speakers? what about us catholics? we’re magicians but we’re still good french catholics and we’re sure as hell not practicing protestantism”. and actually, i’m wrong. it would be three schools as indigenous people in canada fucking exist.

i’m done with the school shit (not done but at least on this post). like, okay, tell me how the fuck fantastic beasts takes place in harlem yet even the fucking extras are a bunch of crackers? i’m sorry jk, i didn’t realize that the jazz age wasn’t led by black people and that harlem hasn’t been hsitorically black. thank you, a white english woman, for teaching me that. thank you very much.

how the fuck is it that we have native american-based magic being used and yet not one single fucking native american in the entire movie? tell me. i want a good ass explanation for that shit because so far the only one i’m thinking of is that rowling just supports cultural appropriation.

how the fuck is it that newt schammander is seen as an angel when he literally was the one to begin werewolf oppression? oppression of the people that are supposed to be hiv+ gays??

an abuse victim is literally turned into a fucking monster and then killed. i cannot fathom this shit.

the film is supposed to be a parallel to racism yet cracker cast.

i think i’m done for now. now excuse me as i go scream because i just can’t. fight me on anything but i swear to god i am pissed and i will not be kind. i am done with jk rowling’s horseshit. absolute horseshit.

[golgijev-aparat]

It's been one (1) day of off-season and we already have our first drama

And it isn't even the Russians this time

[simsinluxury]

                                                                                                                NaNa

As the smooth sounds of Avant filled the air I heard my alarm go off indicating somebody was coming through my front door. It was almost eleven o'clock and everyone was gone for the night. Seeing as though I had set the alarm I assumed it was one of my stylist or receptionist coming back because they forgot something. I was on my last client for the night and I was so damn ready to get off my feet and spend the night in my bathtub with the jets on high. Not to mention Gummy Bear been on one heavy today.

As I was clipping the last clip into my clients hair I heard somebody making their way up the stairs.

What did you forget?!

I called out.

Girl I don't work here! 

I didn't have to look up to tell who it was and if I wasn't so physically tired I would have bust out laughing but I let out a laugh mentally instead. She took a seat as I finished with my client. Five minutes later I was done and seeing my client out. 

Now you wanna tell me way you here so damn late?

Damn is that the hi you give your bestie?! I haven't seen your ass in two days.

I don't wanna hear it bish! I been calling your trifling ass for two days and even texted you. So yes that's the hi your ass get.

She bust out laughing at me.

I'm sorry boo, you forgive me right?

No.

She continued to laugh.

But I brought you gummy bears.

You can give me my damn gummy bears but I still don't forgive you.

Bear your momma is a grouch today ain't she.

I rolled my eyes.

Whatever.

She started to laugh once again.

No forreal I am sorry. I just need some space to clear my head boo.

To clear your head?

I gave her a raised eyebrow. I knew something must of happened for her to say this.

I don't know what the fuck is up with Jayhirad. Like since he got his studio up and running along with him working with the guys on the club he hasn't  been around really the past few weeks. So the other day I got tired of the shit. Like damn at least try to be home at a decent hour one day out the week you know. So I headed over to his studio to pay him a visit and take him his dinner. When I go there it was hella quiet and I didn't see him so I thought maybe he went with one of his friends somewhere and left his car there. So while I'm pondering my thoughts I hear a females voice but was like I think my ass is tripping because when I listened again I didn't hear anything. Something told me to go to his office, before I opened the door I heard the elevator. When I opened the door he looked shocked as hell to see me. Not only that this stank ass perfume scent was just lingering in the air. So when I asked him did I interrupt something and why he looked so shock to see me. He tells me he didn't hear me come in and he was finishing up a meeting. Shit just didn't feel right and not to mention he seemed so out of it. Like I knew what he was saying was bullshit, just like I felt when he lied about that Kimani shit. The scent was even in his damn shirt.

Wait a minute Bee, in his shirt? The bitch was that close to him that the shit was in his shirt?!

Yes NaNa.

What the fuck, did the room smell like they had sex or something?

No not at all, if it did I wouldn't have been able to keep from jumping on his ass. Girl I would have completely lost it. He didn't look like he had redress or anything either.

Humm, did you ask him about it?

I asked him was there something he wanted to tell me, of course he told me no. I told him cool, I didn't want to see him around the house anymore so pack his shit. He can move into the guess house outside or move completely but I don't give a fuck anymore.

Oh my gosh Bee you put his ass out.

I couldn't help but laugh somewhat because her ass was hella quick on shit.

Girl yes, fuck outta here.

Girl you know you are my sister but I don't know about this one Bee. Maybe some bitch was trying to come on to him.

Ok but NaNa why the fuck wouldn't he just tell me that?

Girl he a fucking man, you know they start being dumb as fuck when it comes to shit like this. I have no idea what they be thinking because them telling the truth about the shit is always the way to go verses them fucking lying about it. I mean look at the Kimani shit.

You're right you do have a point but still why would he think it was ok for him to lie about some shit like that after that Kimani shit. I'm so fucking done with him Natalia if I find the fuck out he lied to me about this bitch again. I was so serious with him when I told his ass he has no more fuck ups left.

Well for his own sake I hope he didn't lie about the shit but it is hella fishy. I know he probably flipped when you told him to pack his shit.

Girl you know he did, he refuses to move. He's been staying at a hotel since that night.

Has he tried calling you?

Girl yah, he started blowing my ass up the next day so I put him on the block list.

I fell out laughing.

Your ass is a fucking trip Bee. Where is Nina?

Girl probably at work somewhere, I swear she lives there. I'm just so happy to finally see her blossoming back into her old self before she met Troy. She keeps trying to move out on me every week and I act like I'm made at her each time, I'm not ready for her to leave me yet.

We both started laughing.

We talked for another hour along with us promising to meet up tomorrow before we called it a night and headed our separate ways home.

                                                                                                               Nina

I felt around the bed for my phone with my eyes still closed trying to shut of my alarm. Tired was an understatement. My body felt like dead ass weight and all I wanted to do was sink deeper into the covers and continue to catch z's. I sat up in bed as I tried to pull myself together.

Today was the day that my father would be coming home. If I wasn't so damn tired I would be bubbling over from excitement. My sister and I have been counting down this day for 2 months and I could kick my own ass for working so late last night. I was going to make a mental notice to really look in to expanding my staff because I worked more hours now than I did before I owned my own shit. I finally peeled out of bed and did my everyday morning routine.

As I was putting my shoes on I heard a knock on the door. 

I knew it was my sister seeing if I was ready.

Come in.

I called out. When she came in I noticed we were kind of dressed similar.

Oh my gosh again Bee!

Twin minds think alike!

I started laughing.

Clearly. Girl you driving because my ass is gonna tip over before we make it to the car.

So you just gonna leave me hanging and go to sleep on this two hour ride.

Even if I wanted to my eyes are not gonna stay open.

You are the worst riding partner I tell you.

She said laughing.

Well I know what riding I am good at.

I said winking at her.

NINA OH MY GOSH! You are so fucking nasty, it's too early in the morning for this shit!

I couldn't help but die laughing at her. Whenever I would say something sexual out my mouth it was like my sister would turn into the littlest fly and be ready to fly the fuck out of dodge. The shit was so funny to me every time. I grabbed my bag and we headed to leave. In another two hours I would be seeing my father after nine years, it still didn't seem real.  

                                               *Two Hours Later*

I felt Lyyn nudge me which caused me to open my eyes. I blinked a couple of times to adjust my eyes to the sunlight as I looked around.

I already went in, dad should be coming out in a few minutes.

Why didn't you wake me up?

Bish you were hella snoring.

I started to laugh as we got out the car.

I was not!

Yes you were, mouth hella open and shit.

She started to illustrate while trying to keep from laughing which made me laugh harder.

As we continued to goof around we heard someone clear their voice making us stop immediately and look in their direction. Silence took over for what seemed like minutes instead of seconds.  

So y'all just going to stand there and stare at your old man?!

A smile spread across his face as we embraced him. He kissed the top of our heads as he hugged us tight.

I missed you girls so much!

We missed you to dad!

Lyyn and I both said in unison. It was crazy how he still looked the same as I remembered after all these years, he hadn't changed a bit.

You ready to go dad?

Yes, let's get the fuck from here. If I have to look at this place any longer imma fucking start to itch.

Lyyn and I started to laugh as we made our way to the car.

Lyyn this you baby girl! Look at you!

He was checking out her car. My father always since I could remember has been our number one fan. If nobody in this world wanted us to succeed my father did. We could bring home a brown paper bag covered in macaroni noodles and glitter that we decorated, he would make us feel like that shit belonged in the museum of fine arts.

Oh my gosh dad stop!

Hell nah, don't make me start yelling like I use to do at your dance meets.

I couldn't hold my laughter in anymore.

My girls are grown ass woman man, I don't know how to deal. My girls are out here balling, I am so proud of y'all. I don't care how old you guys are I will still be that embarrassing extra ass father cheering y'all on.

We know dad.

Just making sure y'all didn't forget that, now let's go because I have been dreaming about steak and string beans for nine damn years.

We bust out laughing as we got in the car, my father was still a fool.

Dad do you need to stop anywhere before we go to my house.

No but we are going to my house.

Lyyn and I looked over at him.

Your house?

Yes, my house.

He told her the address as she typed it into her GPS. When we arrived my sister and I was in awe. The outside alone was beautiful, I couldn't imagine the inside.

No dad seriously, who's house is this.

He chuckled a little.

It's mine NiNi.

But how? When you went away you and mom lived together, we were a family.

Didn't I always teach you never to put all your cookies in one jar?

Yes.

This was me not putting all mines in one jar NiNi. Yes we were a family but I knew what I was doing. I knew it was a chance that shit could go south and I knew deep down that your mother eventually wouldn't be there if shit happened. I don't blame her for not holding me down because she begged me time and time again to leave shit alone but I wouldn't. It wasn't about the money anymore, we had more than we could spend in a lifetime. I just got to a point where I was comfortable and that's when I should have cut shit. I'm still set for the rest of my life but I would give all this shit up to get back the years I missed with you guys.

Dad.........

Yes Lyyn?

Do you think y'all will get back together?

Honestly that's a question that's way in the water right now. Like I said, I don't blame your mother for not being there for me. Now everything else she did sets me on fire. Rell has told me bits and pieces of shit but I know it's way more to it. On top of her keeping y'all away from me, I don't know what type of shit your mother is on but I do know I don't want someone in my life like that.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before Lyyn broke it.

Well I'm ready to see your house dad!

Shit so am I, I barely remember it.

We got out laughing. Before we could get to the front door it opened, there stood a maid.

Welcome home Mr. Howard.

She said once we made it to the door.

Thank you Grace.

She smiled before she disappeared in the house.

Dad you have a damn maid, how and when?!

Lyyn started laughing at me.

Since yesterday.

He said winking before he walked inside. We explored this huge ass house until we made it back around to the kitchen where Grace was cooking.

My father excused himself to go take a shower and change. I looked at the food that Grace was preparing and frowned.

That shit didn't look good or done at all. I looked over to Lyyn and she was obviously thinking the same. I nicely excused Grace and told her she was finished for the day. I could tell she wanted to protest but decided it was best for her to not try me. She gathered her things and made her way out the door.

What the fuck is this?!

Lyyn was holding up a piece of chicken that Grace considered done and I couldn't help but to die laugh.  

Bish that shit is sick as fuck!

We doubled over in laughter.

Dad is gonna need to find another maid because this shit is fucking horrible yo. Who the fuck she thought was gonna eat this shit! I don't even see a hint of seasoning any where.

My fucking stomach hurt I was laughing so hard. We gathered up what we needed from the refrigerator to fix dinner and got started.

Another two hours later we were almost finished when my father came back down.

It smells good in here! Y'all ran Grace the fuck away?

Dad she was going to fuck your ass up!

I pointed to the chicken on the plate that she had considered cooked and he died laughing.

Y'all so got damn mean! Why y'all ain't help her ass out?

Dad I'm not helping no damn maid cook! You paying her ass all this money and you think imma help her learn how to cook? That's part of her damn job!

He continued to laugh at us and shake his head.  

Dad we gonna hire you somebody else because Grace ain't making the cut.

You girls are so damn mean...........

Before he could say anything else the door bell rang. He went to get it and came back with my brother in tow.

Oh gosh it just had to be you Ty'Rell!

Don't y'all start your shit today!

Whatever! Make yourself useful and help take some of this stuff to the dining room.

You see this dad? I haven't even been here five minutes and they already bossing me around!

Whelp, sucks for you son!

I stuck my tongue out at him and he mean mugged me but started grabbing shit like I told him.

That's why I hope your big headed ass trip and fall NiNi!

You're so damn evil Ty'rell!

My father chuckled as he listened at us going back and forth just like old times. When I came back into the kitchen I heard my phone ringing.

I didn't bother to look nor answer because I already knew who it was from the ringtone. That reminded me I needed to hurry and get everything I needed straighten out so I could change my number.

You're not gonna get that? This is the third time it has rang in the last two minutes.

I had blocked Troy's number but that wasn't enough for him. He now calls my phone from a private number.

It's nobody dad.

I tried to slip back out the kitchen but he wasn't having it.

Nina they are calling from private so it's somebody. I know I don't know shit about what's been going on in your life and that's a conversation we can save for another day but what I do know is I don't have a problem fucking somebody up for you, your sister, or your brother. I give no fucks when it comes to you guys and you know that. I won't press you right now but I know you been through some major shit with whoever is blowing you up. If that fucking phone rings one more time I am telling you I am going to answer it and make sure I find this motherfucker who can't get the picture. From here on out if a nigga is fucking with you or some shit happens you come and tell me. I don't care when, where or what time of day it is. Do you understand me?

Yes dad I understand.

With that he walked out of the kitchen. I hurried and grabbed my phone to turn it off.

I didn't want any drama or bullshit to pop off because off Troy's bitch ass and ruin this happy day for my family. I headed to the dining room to join them and took a seat. We laughed, joked, and brought up old memories the entire time through out dinner.

Afterwards we headed to the theater to watch some movies. 

I couldn't have asked for a better day with my family. After nine long years our dad was home and it felt like the missing chip was put back for all of us.

                                                                                                                   NaNa

Here I sat on a Saturday night stuffing my face with slices of pizza as I continued to watch the movie Get Out. I just couldn't understand this dude, why the hell did he continue to stick around. My ass would have been ghost as fuck soon as that bitch momma said she hypnotize people. She be trying to read your brain and see your memories in your sleep, no ma'am. Whatever happens to his ass is on him. He gonna act like shit wasn't alarming when he seen that dude running in the middle of the damn night, ninja that was your sign to get the fuck out! I was pulled out of my thoughts by the ringing of my phone.

I didn't bother to see who it was before I answered, by the ringtone I knew it was Nice.

Hello?

Oh no "Hey baby" today?

I rolled my eye like he could see me as I continued to watch the movie.

So your mean ass ain't gonna say shit?

I continued to ignore him which made him bust out laughing.

Ain't shit funny Nazar.

He laughed even harder which annoyed me more.

Damn you calling me my whole shit now, you that mad at me Na?

Whatever Nazar.

He chuckled.

Look you can be mad at me all your mean ass want but I don't care. I am making sure your hard headed ass does what your doctor tells you.

But it was just one damn day Nazar.

I know Na but I'm not taking no chances, besides you get off bedrest on Monday.

I sucked my teeth.

I missed my babes game today Nazar. I haven't missed a game since he started and you make me miss his last one.

"I missed my babes game".  

He said marking me.

You get on my damn nerves Nazar. You just mad because I'm not calling your ass my baby.

He once again started laughing.

That's why Major's ass so damn spoiled yo, you always babying him. I recorded it for your mean ass.

Whatever you know that's my baby and I can't wait to see it.

I bet.

He sounded hella jealous, now it was my turn to laugh.

I know your ass is not jealous Nazar?

When he didn't answer I continued to laugh.

Your ass is ridiculous.

Whatever him and Jaz always blocking trynna hold you all to themselves.

Although I was laughing I found it cute he didn't like to share me.

Aww baby stop it.

On the real though, is your ass in bed?

I'm on the couch Nazar.

Your ass is supposed to be in the bed Natalia not on the damn couch.

Oh my gosh come on Nazar I am sitting the hell down. Y'all gonna stop acting like I can't do shit because I'm pregnant. I wanted to sit up I can't lay in that bed all damn day.

Your ass so damn hard headed NaNa.

Ok your ass try being 5 months pregnant and feeling like you carrying two babies instead of one. Every time you lay down your ass can't get comfortable.

I'm not trying to stress you, I'm sorry Na.

That's what the fuck I thought.

I just want you two to be fine.

Baby we are fine, I would never do something to hurt our baby you know that.

I know Natalia. Did your mom leave for the night?

Yah, my grandmother needed her so I told her to go ahead I'd be fine.

Ok, I should be home in another hour or so. You know this damn bus take forever like shit.

I chuckled a little, he always complained about having to take the bus with the other parents and kids.

Ok.

I love you and my little mans.

There you go, you gonna stop calling my baby your mans.

I don't know how many times we gotta go through this, it's a boy.

You don't know that Nazar.

I do so he's my little mans.

I tell you he gets on my damn nerves.

Whatever, I love...........

Before I could finish what I was saying I heard a loud noise like glass had been shattered.

NaNa what the fuck was that?

I don't know but the shit sounded close as hell like it was one of the windows. I'm getting ready to see what the fuck it was, hold on.

I took the phone away from my ear but kept it in my hand as I got up.

I could hear Nice now calling my name through the phone. As I walked into the sitting room I noticed one of the windows had been completely shattered and there was glass all over the floor.

What the fuck!

Instantly my blood started to boil. This was nobody's doing but Taysha's fucking ass. I am so fucking sick of this bitch ass hoe. It was like because she knew she couldn't whoop my ass she started to do dumb shit to try to fuck with me. I guess she got tired of getting her ass beat. Before I could answer Nice back a man appeared out of nowhere scaring the shit out of my ass making me scream and drop my phone.

When he saw me start backing away he came at me full speed. Before I knew it I felt an excruciating pain rip through my abdomen.

It took for me to see the knife to fully register that he was stabbing me. I couldn't scream or talk. I could barely breathe as I dropped to my knees and he took off running.

I started to crawl to reach my phone but with ever move I could feel the blood gushing from my stomach.

Tears started rolling down my face because I knew I was losing my baby. I knew he or she wasn't going to make it and it was a strong possibility I wasn't either. The harder I cried the more I couldn't breathe. Before I knew it my body started to completely shut down and I couldn't do anything.

Previous

[arsonistslut]

Chapter 23: Dark Waters

The mask slid tightly over Nina's face as Jethro handed her his dad's gun, the girl pulling her hoodie up to finish up her outfit, motioning for Jethro to follow her out to the nigh-empty beach. There was only a young couple out in the night, well past the beach's closing time.

"Hey!"

Nina shouted to the couple, aiming her gun at the two.

"This is a.."

She took a moment to look at the gun in her hand, before continuing.

"Smith And Wesson Model 29 chambered in 44. Magnum. It's the second most powerful handgun in the world, and if you do what I say, I might not blow your head off with it."

The two quickly complied, and Jethro took to tying the two down as Nina kept the gun trained on them.

"H-Hey, we don't want any trouble, alright? J-Just..take what you want."

The girl who was by her boyfriend's side blurted out.

"Oh, you already were in trouble from the moment we saw you."

Nina saw a third individual coming back from their car, and as they got close, approached them with her gun as Jethro unsheathed a knife, still staring down the young couple they'd been stalking. Without so much as a hint of hesitation, Nina then shot the poor guy who came back in the head, the blood and brain matter spraying all over her clothing and her mask not phasing her in the slightest. The couple they had screamed in horror, Jethro just shaking his head as Nina watched her victim collapse. He then grabbed their cars and listened closely, hearing the doors to their car unlock and the familiar beeping that came with it as he pressed the button to unlock them.

"W-What do you people want?!"

"Your blood. Up, both of you."

Nina led them to their own car and opened the door, Jethro shoving the two inside and went to go grab the gasoline, Nina still holding the two of them at gunpoint. When he got back, he doused the pair in gasoline, Nina's voice growing shaky with anticipation as she cocked back the hammer on the revolver.

"Go to Sleep."

A single gunshot ignited the gasoline, and Jethro couldn't bear to watch two people burn alive, so he went to go start up their van as Hopkins watched two innocent people burn to death in their own car. The van screeched to a halt beside her, so taking the fact that people will see the blood on her clothing into account, she climbed in the back of the van as Jethro set off toward the old Woods house.

"What a shame, Jeffrey..what a shame."

"Shut the fuck up, Zalgo!! I'm not in the mood for your bullshit."

"Jeff, you don't seem to understand something. Oborn, all the doctors here? They're just like Troy and Randy. They all hate you, deep down-"

"I SAID SHUT UP!! GOD, LET ME HAVE MY OWN THOUGHTS, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!"

"Christ has nothing to do with this story, pal. Here, I have a report from the nurse that visits you every day."

A paper slid up to Jeff, and he begrudgingly grabbed it and began to pore through it. It was a staff report from Sheila M. Spring, the nurse Zalgo mentioned earlier. A certain lines of text were highlighted with blood.

"I don't know why, but Jeffrey creeps me out to the tenth degree. He's nice to me, but there's just something..off-putting about him. Maybe it's the pale skin, or the fact that he's a mass murderer and should've been put to death, but I can't get that freak out of my head. He's impairing my work, so I politely request to be excluded from the list of people who have to take care of him."

Jeffrey just slowly shook his head as he read. He wasn't exactly surprised to read this, he was just disappointed. It had been over a year, people were more aware of his conditions, right?

"Along with that, Richard's isolated you from everyone, and does he expect it to help you in any way? No, he doesn't. He finds it funny, just like the rest of them. The fact that you've suffered for almost your whole life and killed people out of rage and desperation is funny to them. They'll tell you that they don't hate you for your ASPD, but they are lying. Just like Liu..just like Jane."

Chapter 24: Into the fire

A day passed, and the doctor in question was once again answering a call from his granddaughter.

"Hello, again!"

"Hi, unc! I forgot to ask, exactly when am I gonna see Jeff?"

"Ah, there have been some..developments, so you might not see him until next week. Apparently they're transferring him to a less strict institution today, they say it might heal his mind faster to have a less..synthetic environment."

The prospect of Jeff's mind healing was not what brought a smile to Nina's face. As she took a photo of a newspaper clipping detailing her horrific crimes last night, she continued:

"That's great! I sure as hell wouldn't be able to withstand something like that."

As she grabbed her mask and looked out at the pale moonlight, the fellow fanatics of Jeffrey Woods among her were in varied states of preparedness.

"OK, Jethro, you're driving, right?"

"I'm driving."

"Good..now, I need you all to confirm for me that you're willing to leave everything you know behind for this. Jeff Woods is who brought us all together, and he won't go punished for slipping into the violent nature that we, as humans, are naturally inclined to do! C'mon, you guys, we're freeing him."

Jethro successfully hotwired the old truck they had planned to use for this, the engine purring to life as under cover of darkness, he and Nina clambered inside the truck, the others climbing onto the back.

"Okay, floor it!"

The gate they rammed through to get out snapped open with ease as they sped down the street, the bus holding Jeff Woods idling at a red light. As the light turned green, the bus drove into the intersection, the truck smashing into it's side. The impact was enough to knock the driver unconscious as the inmates on board panicked, save for Jeff. He knew this would happen, just as Zalgo had said it would. He knew he would be dragged into a life of murder, regardless of what he did to try and avoid it. Jeff rose from his seat and made his way out before his fans could get inside, and seeing their reactions..the sort of awestruck happiness that they had in their eyes, it was something nobody could fake. Jeff smiled as one of them ran up to him and gave him a tight hug, something he quickly reciprocated.

"We, erm..got a hoodie for you as well, sir."

One of the cultists blurted out, presenting him with a white hoodie that he then wore over his white jumpsuit. The gang then made their way back to Jeffrey's old house before the police could arrive.

A figure sat upright in their shift bed, a day had passed since then and the news of Jeffrey's escape troubled the figure. They gazed into the burn scars on their face with the blade of their knife, the visions of what Jeffrey had done to the people they deeply cared for flashing before their eyes. Anger began to seep into the figure's mind as they dialed a number into their phone.

"Hello?" A gruff, southern tinged voice spoke through the phone.

"You think you've lost everything, Jeffrey? There is so much more I can take from you than you can imagine."

"Who the..Jane?!"

The caller hung up.

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The older I get, the more I understand what Gerard Way meant by "teenagers scare the living shit out of me"

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Not to be dramatic but I think my therapist is gonna have a field day with me on our next session

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Nothing tanks a grill's confidence more than evolucija vaje