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honeyhotteoks · 4 months

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this night together - chapter fourteen (j.yh + s.mg)

chapter fourteen: what we mean to each other

chapter summary: making amends is hard, moving on is hard, but you have a home now in a way you've never had before. together, you move forward through it all.

warnings/notes: this chapter still deals with the aftermath of the attack, so all previous warnings apply, but i think you'll see we're coming out of it now and into much happier times. this is the start of an absolute fluff fest, and we'll be back to smut in the next chapter. specific warnings for: discussions of physical attack, anxiety, ptsd, consent conversations, past s*xual assault (mentioned in passing), issues with police and the legal system because lbr the cops aren't doing anything good for assault victims, and reader has a triggering moment with her neck but she works through it just fine

pairings: alpha!yunho x alpha!mingi x omega!reader

genre: smut, a/b/o/omegaverse, angst, fluff, romance, polyamory

word count: 14.3k

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It’s been days. Days of staying safe behind the walls of their apartment, days of dodging calls from your friends, days of cocooned self preservation. They haven’t left you for a single minute. You spent the weekend trading off who’s lap you were cuddled on and bickering over episodes of Single’s Inferno and you’ve never needed anything more.

Slowly though, things start to shift.

You’re showered, for one. And Yunho and Mingi both have settled back into their routines as best they can without leaving the apartment. Video games, mindless scrolling, paging through books and cooking balanced meals instead of another day of takeout.

On Monday, Seonghwa confirms your worst suspicions by texting you a photo of the formal letter he received via Minseok’s attorney. You expect Yunho and Mingi’s are in the mail. Every time your phone chimes you expect it to be the police or some other official legal summons. Your mind has started to turn over every detail of the event with calculated detail, and your internet history stretches long with research.

By Tuesday, you’ve caved and finally started answering Wooyoung’s texts with more than just single word responses or emoji confirmations that you’re still alive. The moment you do, he takes the opening and runs with it just like you knew he would.

As you wait for the hot water for your tea to boil in the kettle, you re-read his most recent text again.

Do you want to get out of the house for a bit? We can try that new spot by the bookstore?

Your stomach feels tight at the idea of going out and you do your best to tap out a reply that you think sounds casual and relaxed - Maybe next time, let’s just catch up and relax here?

You watch the message send and deliver and in nearly real-time it flicks over to read. Dots appear as he types.

Sure - his message reads - I’ll be there in an hour

An hour. You shouldn’t be so nervous to see your best friend, but the idea of opening up your little sanctuary to anyone right now feels a little fraught. The kettle whistles, and you hear feet shuffling against the vinyl flooring as Yunho crosses over into the kitchen and you lock your phone and Wooyoung’s messages away so you can focus.

“Hey,” You murmur, giving him a smile as you pull the kettle off the heat.

“Hey,” Yunho smiles back, leaning against the opposite counter, “everything okay?”

“Mhm,” You tell him, just a little white lie.

“Is Woo still coming by?” He questions.

“Yeah,” You nod, setting the kettle on a pad so it doesn’t damage the countertop, “he said around an hour,”

Yunho nods and then slides a bit closer to you, his hand stroking up and down your back once until he settles it on your hip. “Hey,” he says again, “can we talk?”

A nervous pang strikes in your gut, but he doesn’t look upset, so you take a guess at what he wants, “Is it okay that he’s coming?”

“Wooyoung?” His brows draw together, “Of course, that’s not what I meant,”

“Oh,” You turn towards him more fully, leaning against the counter with him, “okay, what’s up?”

“I want to apologize,” He says, swallowing tightly.

“Apologize,” You blink.

He nods.

“Okay,” You can see how whatever he’s about to say is bothering him, the stress under the surface, but you have no idea what he’s sorry for.

“Listen,” He reaches and takes your hand, pulling you a little closer to him, “I know you know I’m sorry, but I haven’t said it clearly and you deserve that,”

“Oh,” You relax further into his space until you can feel your bodies brushing together, the warmth radiating off his skin.

“The way I reacted at the studio after your last heat was wrong,” He says in a rush of air as he laces your hands together, “and I haven’t gotten the chance to really say that,”

“It’s okay,” You shake your head, soothing him a little, “you don’t have to,”

“No,” He insists with a squeeze of your fingers, “I do. That day, I was worried and jealous and confused, but I let my anger get the better of me and that’s not something I normally do.”

You squeeze his fingers back, letting him know you’re listening.

His eyes flick up from your joined hands to your eyes as he continues, “It’s not something I should have ever put on you or something you should ever see,”

“People get angry,” You start to say.

He’s firm when he shakes his head, “People get angry, but I don’t get angry at you. Ever.”

“Yunho,”

“I yelled at you,” He squeezes your hands, “I cursed at you,”

“I did the same thing right back,” You remind him.

“It’s not the same,” He presses, brushing right past your words, “and I’m apologizing because I’m telling you, y/n, it will never happen again.”

“You think we’ll never have a fight?” You smile, “That’s optimistic,”

“This isn’t a joke,” He sighs, “please,”

“I’m sorry,” You tuck closer to him, unlacing your hands so you can snake your arms around his middle, “and I appreciate you apologizing for that fight, but I was upset you were being possessive and emotional after all the cold shoulder, you yelling wasn’t really high on my list of concerns,”

He’s quiet for a moment, but then he nods, “I’ll get to that in a second, but will you hear me on this one thing?”

“I’m listening,”

“I hate to bring it up again,” He grimaces a little, “but I’ve just spent four days watching you jump at every noise around the apartment and wake up every night fucking terrified,”

Your eyes shoot down.

“And before I apologize for all the other ways I’ve been an ass to you,” His warm hands settle on your skin, thumb brushing along your jaw, “of which I know there are many,”

You smile at that.

“Yelling at you like that,” He sighs, “talking to you like that has been bothering me for months. I need to apologize for it because I need you to know that you’ll never, ever hear it again. Mingi said his peace, but it’s important to me that you know you’re safe with me in every way. If we’re going to do this, I need you to know you can tell me anything, including telling me off when I make mistakes, and I won’t get angry like that again.”

“I already know that,” You look up, meeting his firm gaze and reaching for his cheek, “and I hope you understand that I know the difference between how you were angry then and what he did and how he spoke to me.”

“I just had to say it,” He nods, “I would hate it if anything I ever did made you afraid to be honest with me, or made you feel like you’ve been feeling the past few days, I’d never,”

“Baby,” You cup his cheeks in both hands, holding his eyes so he hears you fully, “I forgive you, and I am not afraid or uncomfortable with you or with Mingi. Not at all.”

“Good,” He exhales hard, his eyes a little shiny and you press forward to wrap your arms around him and hug him close, his arms closing around your back.

“If you’re being idiots,” You kiss his chest through the thin fabric of his t-shirt, “I’ll tell you you’re being idiots,”

He laughs low, the vibration running through your chest, “Good.”

“And if I’m being an idiot,” You add, “I’m not going to freak out if you get pissed at me or yell at me,”

“I appreciate that,” He squeezes your shoulders, “but I don’t want to be the guy that yells, that’s not really an alpha stereotype I’ve ever wanted to fit.”

“Okay,” You nod against him.

He clears his throat a little roughly and you’re about to pull away but he holds you steady for a moment, “There’s one more thing,”

Your hand strokes a line down his back, as you hum softly, “Hmm?”

“I have more to say and to apologize for,” You can feel his heart beating a little faster under your cheek and you stroke his back again, “but I’m still figuring out how to do that, and it might not be fair of me to ask, but I wanted to see if you can be patient with me for that.”

“Yunho,” You murmur, “what’s going on?”

“I, uh,” His fingers flex tightly against your skin, “I started seeing someone,”

“Someone?”

“Professionally,” He adds, “Mingi used to and I know it helped. I didn’t think I needed to, but I think we can both agree I am not the best at managing my own emotions here,”

“Oh,”

“So,” He breathes, “after our fight, when I finally cooled off and realized what we did I asked him for a referral. I’ve been meeting with her once a week and it’s been helpful, but I’m not ready to apologize to you for the rest of it until I understand why I treated you like that,”

Emotion fills your chest like a balloon and you nod into him, “Yunho,”

He clears his throat again, “Sorry,” he says, “this is a little uncomfortable for me to talk about, but I’m working on it,”

You wriggle out of his arms to find his face again and press up on your tiptoes to catch his mouth, kissing him with as much surety as you can before you lean back, “That means everything to me,” you tell him, “everything. You have all the time in the world from me, okay?”

“Yeah,” He smiles, “good, okay,”

“Is it helping?”

“Definitely,” He nods, “it’s almost like the professionals know what they’re talking about,”

You smile up at him.

“I know I mentioned it before,” He adds quickly, “and I won’t press it, but if you do feel like it would be helpful for you too, you can come to me and I can ask my therapist for some numbers for you to call. I’ll even help set up an appointment if you need that,”

Your chest goes tight at the thought, “I’ll let you know,”

“Okay,” He smooths a hand up and down your back, “no pressure,”

“For sure,” You manage.

His lip quirks up and he presses a long kiss to your forehead as he gives you one more squeeze, “I said I won’t press, don’t panic,”

“Sorry,” You breathe.

He makes a noise dismissing that and then steps back, “So,” his eyes are bright again, everything equalizing back to normal with his smile, “you were making tea, can I help?”

Your shoulders relax, tension bleeding out of you in an instant, “No,” you turn back to the warm kettle, “but can I make you a cup?”

“Sure,” He pulls two teacups down from the cupboard, “so Woo will be here in an hour?”

“Mhm,” You tap your phone to light up the screen to check for any other texts.

“Got it,” He nods, “would you feel alright with Mingi and I stepping out for a while?”

“Out?”

“I need to run by the studio and check in on things,” He explains, “and we need to get some food in here. I figured we could do that while Wooyoung keeps you company,”

“Yeah,” Your heart picks up a little at the thought, but you press that feeling down and drop a teabag in each of your cups, “I’ll be just fine,”

“Good,” He drops another kiss to your hair, keeping his fingers lingering on your skin while you pour hot water into your cups.

“Do you,” You almost stop the question, but you find the words bubbling out of your mouth before you can second guess, “do you need to leave right away?”

Yunho smiles wide, taking the kettle from your hands as he shakes his head, “No,”

Your heart eases a little.

“Let’s have these together,” He nods to the tea and picks up both cups, “we’ll go when Woo gets here,”

You follow him out into the living room, and he sets the cups down on the table before settling himself into the corner cushions and reaching up for you. It’s easy to take his hand and to melt into the familiar position on his lap, and you let him draw you in close and cuddle you, his arms wrapped securely around you as he nuzzles your cheek with his nose.

You sigh, resting your hands on his chest and turning your face a little to catch his mouth in a kiss.

He hums pleasantly against your mouth, “Is it strange to say that I’ll miss you while we’re out?”

You smile, shaking your head, “No,”

“Will you miss us?” He pecks your lips again.

“More than I want to admit,”

“You know,” Yunho smooths his hands over your body to rest in their familiar homes, one on your thigh and the other curled around your waist, “I hate what happened, and I wish I could take all the bad memories away, but I’m also so glad you’re here with us,”

“I know what you mean,” You nod.

“The months we spent apart were terrible,” He confesses, kissing you softly.

“We’ll have to make up for lost time,” You agree quietly.

“A proper date,” He smiles, “or a vacation somewhere warm?”

“Mm,” You hum, thinking of being stretched out on a beach somewhere with your boys on either side of you, “perfect,”

“I’ll think on that,” He runs a hand down your hair and relaxes back into the couch, “you deserve something nice,”

Twisting on his lap you reach for both of your teacups before settling back into the same, comfortable position, “I think it would just be nice to come over here without having something traumatic happen beforehand,”

He frowns a little.

“I’m kidding,” You nudge him softly, “kind of,”

“I know,” He nods, “still,”

“Yeah,” You quietly agree, taking the first sip of your tea.

Yunho takes a sip too, and then hums a short, quick laugh, “This smells like you,”

“Like me?”

“The tea,” He takes another sip and nods, “you smell just the same, but sweeter,”

“Do you like it?” You find yourself asking.

Yunho’s head cocks slightly to the side, a line between his brows, and then he says, “Have I not made it clear how much I love your scent?”

Your cheeks heat and he smiles at the way your skin reddens.

“Sweetheart,” He shifts, pulling you in while still being careful of the tea, pressing warm, lingering kisses over your jaw to the hollow of your ear, “if I could drink you instead, I would.”

You swallow, heat curling in your belly.

“Soothing tea,” He murmurs, “sweet honey,” he adds with a kiss, “and the willow is sharp and fresh. You wake me up and calm me down all at the same time,”

Your pulse quickens, and slowly your head drops to the side, extending the column of your neck to his lips.

He takes it slow, remembering the way you jerked back in bed a few nights before, and he’s careful not to press too firmly or give you any inclination that he’s going to touch you with anything but his lips.

“You smell like home,” He murmurs, his hand coming up to cup your head in his wide palm, kissing just a little lower still.

Your muscles are stiffening up at the feeling of his mouth getting lower towards your exposed gland and your fingers tighten on his shirt where you hold yourself steady.

“I’ve got you,” He whispers, “stay with me,”

You nod, just a little, enough to tell him not to stop, “W-what else?”

He smiles against your throat, “Well,” he kisses again, to punctuate his words, “when you’re happy, really happy or excited, there’s lemon too,”

Your breath feels staggered, thready, and you focus on the feeling of him and the warmth of the teacups against your thigh.

“When you want us,” He takes a deep inhale, sighing hot against your skin, “it’s all honey, thick and syrupy. After your heat I smelled that honey here for weeks,”

You feel a whine building a little in your throat, and you bite down on your lip to keep it buried. Your body feels like it’s fighting itself with every touch of his mouth, hot arousal knots up at his scent mingling with yours and at his words, but the isolated touch alone has you fighting little flashes of a place that isn’t here and isn’t him.

“I’ve got you,” He repeats, “I love you,”

The reply settles on the tip of your tongue, but then he presses one last closed-lipped kiss directly over your gland and withdrawals entirely. You blink hard, a shudder running up your spine.

“Alright?” He checks, smoothing his hand down your hair again.

You nod, letting your fingers unknot from his shirt while you collect yourself.

“Hopefully that answers your question,” He clears his throat softly.

You start to nod, but the sound of the bathroom door opening cuts through the moment and you start, tea spilling over the lip of your cup onto your fingers.

“It’s Mingi, baby,” He assures you.

“I know,” You have to tear your eyes off the hallway though.

His mouth is set in a concerned little line, and you know he’s probably thinking about your conversation in the kitchen again, but he lets it lie and doesn’t push it, just like he promised.

Mingi appears a moment later, a towel slung around his hips and his shoulders and hair wet from the shower. He smiles widely when he sees you both, “What’s going on in here?”

Yunho raises up his cup, “Tea,” he smiles, “nothing much,”

“Mm,” Mingi nods and stretches, “nice,”

“Will you be ready soon?” Yunho asks, “Wooyoung will be here in a bit,”

“Yeah, sure,” He confirms and then glances at you, “you’re good with us going out?”

“I’m good,” You confirm.

“I’ll stay if it would make you feel better,” Mingi adds, “I can hide in the bedroom and listen to music or something if you want privacy,”

You love them both so much in this moment you feel like your chest might crack right open on its own, and you shake your head at him with a smile, “No, I have to get comfortable at some point, it might as well be while Woo is here with me,”

He nods, “Well, we won’t be too far, just call us and we’ll turn around.”

“Thank you,” You reach up to take his hand and he twines his fingers with yours immediately.

Yunho shifts, pressing his lips against your shoulder, “Are you and Woo going out anywhere?”

He’s clearly trying to be subtle, but you hear the anxious note in his voice and it occurs to you that they might be just as nervous leaving you as you are staying here without them.

You shake your head, “No, just staying here,”

“That’s good,” Mingi adds a little too quickly, “if you do go out, would you let us know?”

“I will,” You promise them, “but you don’t have to worry,”

“It’s in our nature to worry over you,” Yunho sighs, “but I think we’re both trying not to be overbearing about this whole thing,”

“Trying,” Mingi shrugs, “but also the idea of not knowing where you are feels like it might give me hives,”

You laugh at the image, easing back into Yunho’s chest.

“To be clear,” Yunho shoots Mingi a look, “that’s in a nice ‘we care about you’ way, not in a ‘controlling boyfriend’ kind of way,”

“Relax,” You tell them both, “I get why you want to know, it’s the same reason I want to know where you are.”

“Studio first,” Mingi offers without you asking and your chest warms, “then groceries, and then I want to swing by that cafe that has that caramel cheesecake you like, then home,”

“Don’t say we don’t have to,” Yunho adds, “we want to,”

You smile as he takes the words right out of your mouth.

“Plus, I want some,” Mingi says with ease.

You’re not used to this type of relationship yet, having alphas of your own who actually want to be with you and take care of you, who worry for you and feel for you in all the deep nervous ways you feel for them. You hush the nagging voice in your mind that tries to tell you not to show them how much you need them, the voice that doesn’t want you to jump too fast, you already know what you get by listening to that voice.

Instead you ask them what you want to ask, “How long do you think you’ll be gone?”

“Two hours,” Yunho offers, “maybe three at the most,”

“Okay,” You exhale, weight dropping away from your shoulders, “that’s perfect,”

“We’ll let you know,” Mingi adds, “and if you need anything special while we’re out, we can stop,”

You shake your head, “I’m fine,” You assure them, “a little anxious, but you know, it’s good for me.”

Mingi smiles warmly, brushing his hand over your cheek and tilting your face up with his thumb and forefinger on your chin, “We’re a phone call away,”

“I know,” You nod.

Yunho sighs as Mingi’s hand drops away, and he kisses your shoulder again, “It’s funny,” he says, “I really don’t want to leave you,”

“We did just spend three months not seeing each other and in a state of constant relationship limbo,” You point out and give him a squeeze, “we really went from nothing to a whole lot of something fast,”

“Not too fast?” Mingi checks, trying to sound casual.

“No,” You say, “and even if it is, I don’t care,”

“We’ve always felt right together,” Yunho adds, “we’re just letting ourselves enjoy it now,”

He’s never said something so true.

Mingi gets dressed and collapses onto the couch next to both, pushing closer into your space with Yunho until you’re both practically on his lap, but it works. You stay knit close together until there’s a knock on the door and then it’s fast kisses goodbye and big hugs from your best friend, and before you can really process it you’re without them for the first time in days.

Your stomach is fluttering, a nervous quiver deep in your gut that you really don’t want Wooyoung to over-analyze. A moment later you find yourself back on the couch in the warm spot Yunho left, wrapping yourself in the blanket you had all shared the night before. You can smell them on it, earthy, warm, and sweet.

Wooyoung watches as you start to relax, and he takes a seat right next to you to keep close, a closed smile on his lips.

You can’t believe you miss them already.

They must miss you too though, because Mingi only makes it a scant ten minutes before he texts you, his message lighting up your phone - Forgot to say I love you - I love you.

“What?” Wooyoung nudges you under the blanket.

You pass your phone to him and he reads the message, his eyebrows shooting up high, “I leave you alone for a few days and you’re all saying ‘I love you’s?”

You grab the phone back and tuck it away, “That’s the thing about life changing trauma,” you laugh, “it really accelerates the big feelings,”

Wooyoung nods, keeping things light, but finds your hand on the back of the couch so he can hold it.

“Also we’re not all saying it,” You confess, “they’re saying it,”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean they’ve told me,” You explain, “the day after the studio we had this big talk,”

“Don’t tell me they put all that shit on you like that,” He wraps his hand around yours, “y/n,”

“Not like that,” You shake your head, “it’s actually hysterical, they thought that Seonghwa and I have been dating,”

His eyes go wide, “What?”

“It’s truly the longest story of miscommunication,” You tell him, “at this point I think someone should write a book about me and make it a romantic comedy,”

“Erotica,” Wooyoung smirks.

“Shut up,” You swat at him.

“There have been too many good orgasms for a romcom,” He shrugs.

You roll your eyes, “Anyways, it turns out the whole not talking period while you were all away was just me pining but feeling like I fucked it up, and them pining but thinking I had moved on with Hwa,”

“Damn,”

“But when they realized that they were wrong about that,” You continue, “we just got it all out there,”

“And they love you,” He smiles a little, “and they actually said it,”

“Yeah,” You soften into the cushions.

“I hate to ask the obvious,” He squeezes your hand, “but if you’re so happy about that, why haven’t you told them? You do love them?”

“So much,” The words fly out like you’re defending something, and you run a hand through your hair as you get your real thoughts steady, “I do, Woo, so much. We’re scent matches,”

“I know,” He nods warmly.

“You do?”

“Anyone with eyes can see that,” Wooyoung smiles, “well, apart from you three.”

“Thanks,”

He nudges your thigh with his foot under the blanket, “Honestly, though, after what happened I could see it on them. You couldn’t keep your hands off each other, and they kept flanking you, watching you like you might disappear,”

A memory of the studio plays like a clip in your mind, the way they held you between them, the three of you against everything. You nod, “They’ve been doing that for days,”

“Which…” Wooyoung trails off, trying to guess where your head is, “you’re happy about?”

“I am,” You nod emphatically, “and I love them, I just… I can’t get the fucking words out of my mouth,”

He sobers a little, sliding closer to you on the couch so he can draw your legs over his lap and give you exactly the kind of comfort you need, “I’m listening, babe, talk to me,”

“I don’t know why,” You hold his hand tighter, “but every time they say it, and I think I’m going to say it back, I’m right back in that room with Minseok’s teeth on my neck and I can’t,” your chest feels tight, “I can’t get it out,”

His eyes soften, empathetic in the way that only he can be, “Does being in love with them scare you?”

“No!” You pull your hand back from his.

“Babe,” He takes your hand back and holds tight, “I’m not saying they scare you, I’m saying does being in love, being vulnerable like that scare you?”

Your shoulders drop, “A little, but,”

“But?”

“I thought about it for three months,” You argue, “I had it rehearsed, I knew exactly what I wanted to say and the big reveal was supposed to be the ‘I love you’ part not the ‘I’m sorry’ part,”

“Your plans on that kind of fell apart when that asshole tried to claim you,” Wooyoung pushes back a little.

“Yeah, no shit,” A flurry of anger bubbles in your belly.

He nods, “And now you’re off kilter,”

“You could say that,”

“You rarely do anything without thinking it through,” He offers, this thumb drawing a comforting line over your palm, “and your plan got fucked, and you’re emotionally vulnerable, and traumatized, and stressed. You feel like you’re out here without a life vest,”

His words stun you silent.

“And this thing you worked up in your mind for three months is now totally derailed,” He continues, “am I on the money?”

You nod.

“Can I ask you something?” He says.

You nod again.

Wooyoung asks this question softly, his voice quiet and gentle, “Do you want to bond with them?”

Your heart thumps in your chest.

“It’s just you and me,” Wooyoung soothes you, “and whether or not you bond with them is your choice, okay? But, babe, is that something you think you’ll want?”

Suddenly you remember the feeling of your heat with them. The way you begged for them, the way it felt so right and so sure that you belonged to each other. You remember how your mind spun imaginary futures that all ended the same way.

Silently, you nod.

“Loving them isn’t bonding,” He murmurs, “you can just love them for now at your own pace.”

Tears prick at the back of your eyes, “What if I can never do it? They can barely touch my neck without me falling apart, what if I can never take a real claim?”

“Oh, babe,” He pulls you towards him, crushing you to his chest, “I wish you called me earlier, you shouldn’t be thinking like this,”

“It was so terrible,” You confess into his shoulder, “I can’t even tell you, I don’t even know how to explain,”

“You don’t have to,” He hushes you, a hand stroking up and down your back, “and I don’t know if this is going to help or hurt, but I know right now you feel like there’s no way you’d ever be able to take a claim without it being scary and awful, but someday you might be able to without even thinking of him.”

A few hot tears escape your eyes.

“And I know I give Yunho and Mingi shit,” He adds, “but you know that both of them would rather die than do something to hurt you or scare you,”

“And if I can never bond?” You manage.

“Then I’d say thank god your scent matches are two men who would never, ever push you into a bond you weren’t ready for,” He says, squeezing you tight, “and I think if you asked them, they’d tell you that they’d rather be with you unbonded and happy than bonded and in pain.”

“You’re right,” You wipe away the wetness on your cheeks, “I know you’re right,”

“They’re not going to try to push you into a bond just because you love each other,” He lets you lean back but he slides his hand back into yours, “especially not now,”

“I know that,” You sigh, “rationally, I was just,”

“I’m telling you, I get it,” He eases you, “sometimes you go through something and you think a part of you is wrecked forever, that you’ll never be able to do something again or feel normal again, but you will. I promise,”

You know the truth of him so suddenly you can’t stop the words, “Woo,” you feel your heart beating faster, “did something happen?”

“A long, long time ago,” He says softly, “and today’s not the day for that story, but I’m telling you it does get better and it does soften in your memory and someday your alphas are going to touch your neck and you won’t even think about it, it just won’t be there anymore.”

Grief and relief mingle in your gut at his words, and you want to ask him more, to be there for him like he’s been there for you but you can see it in his face, today isn’t the day for that story.

You squeeze his hand, “I love you, Woo,”

“I love you too,” He assures you.

Silence sits between you for a moment while you turn over his words, and though you can’t imagine the day he’s describing, you still believe him. You have to. You don’t know what happened to him or when, but you’ve never met someone as bright and open and happy as him, and you have to hold onto that truth.

You look down at your combined hands, “Yunho offered to make an appointment with a therapist for me,”

“Say yes,” Wooyoung replies without a thought, “I waited years and I wish I hadn’t,”

“Yeah?”

“Does he have a contact?” Wooyoung asks, drawing your eyes back up, “I have some options for you if not,”

“He said he can ask his therapist for a referral,”

“His therapist?” Wooyoung grins, “I knew I liked him,”

“You’ve been friends for years,” You nudge him.

“Liked him for you,” He corrects, “that’s different,”

“Yeah, yeah,”

“My best friend deserves an alpha who is fully therapized and capable of complex emotions,” Wooyoung says with confidence, “nothing less.”

“Don’t mention that I told you,” You add quickly, “he told me that in confidence, it just slipped out,”

“I wouldn’t,” Wooyoung shakes his head, “that’s private. But between you and me, I’m glad to hear it.”

“Me too,” You sigh.

“And as far as you going?” Wooyoung circles back to the real question at hand, “Say yes, the sooner the better. If Yunho’s offering to help set it up, let him. Making that call is hard, and if he can make it easier, just say yes.”

“Okay,” You sigh, your shoulders dropping.

“And tell them how you’re feeling about bonding,” He adds, “trust me.”

“Maybe,” You say, “I know you’re right. We’re just moving so fast,”

“So slow down,” He offers.

“I don’t know if I want to,” You admit, warmth and nervous energy filling your chest, “it feels right like this, I just don’t know if I can handle a claim,”

“Tell them,” He reiterates, “don’t let them stumble into that one, they might hurt you without even knowing it if they bring it up sooner than you’re ready for.”

“Right,” You nod, “you’re right,”

He huffs a laugh, “Usually am,”

You flick his arm, rolling your eyes, so grateful at him for helping you work through something this hard while still keeping you smiling. You should have called him earlier, he’s right about that too.

You let silence stretch around you both for a moment, and then something occurs to you.

“Do you know anything about the charges Minseok is filing?” You run a hand through your hair, “Not to bring up yet another pleasant subject,”

Wooyoung snorts a little air through his nose and shrugs, “I probably know what you know, have you talked to Hwa?”

You shake your head.

“At all?” He seems surprised.

“I have,” You correct, “but it was quick and we were all on the call. I haven’t been to my place to see if there’s any mail, but I’d guess Yunho and Mingi will get a summons soon.”

Wooyoung nods, “That’s what the police said,”

Your eyebrows raise, “You talked to the police?”

“Seonghwa did,” He clarifies, “and he gave San and I the run down.”

“Why is no one telling me what’s going on?” You exhale heavily.

“Because last we heard you were having nightmares,” Wooyoung rests a hand on your folded legs, “and we don’t have a lot of information to give, and I don’t think any of us want to cause you more stress than you need.”

“Do Yunho and Mingi know?” You press.

“Not exactly,” Wooyoung says, “though, I guess Seonghwa might be telling them now if they stopped by the studio,”

You wait for him to continue, but you’re a little relieved at least that your boys aren’t keeping anything from you directly.

“Seonghwa spoke to the police who explained the charges. Minseok is alleging that the guys misunderstood what they saw and ignored his attempts to explain, and that they used unnecessary force intervening on your behalf.” He says it plainly.

“Misunderstood?” You repeat the word.

“I know,” Wooyoung nods, “we all know, but that’s what he’s saying. The police advised Seonghwa to get an attorney and let him know that further charges were being filed. I think we can safely assume that’s Yunho and Mingi, maybe San if he’s really going after it.”

“Maybe me too,” You add.

“Maybe,” He nods, “but that would be tough to prove I think,”

“Hmm,” Your eyes feel a little unfocused.

“Hey,” Wooyoung gets your attention with a squeeze, “we don’t know anything yet, and we thought this might happen. It doesn’t change the truth and it doesn’t mean any of them regret what they did to make sure you were safe, okay?”

“Yeah,”

“Tell me you understand,” He presses, “because I’m not letting you put this one on yourself,”

“I do, I understand,” You nod, “it just sucks,”

“That’s fair,” He gives you a soft smile, “but it’s going to take a lot more than this to fuck us over,”

“Yeah,” You murmur, “you’re probably right.”

Wooyoung says something else but you hardly hear it, in the back of your mind all you can think of is that first night at the hospital. The detectives who interviewed you were kind, but bordered on dismissive, and you know Minseok and his family have deeper pockets than you do. You have to figure this out, you have to.

“Babe?” Wooyoung nudges you.

“Yeah,” You snap up, coming back to the present moment and letting those anxieties fade into the background until you can really think them through, “sorry,”

“It’s okay,” He soothes you.

Your phone buzzes on your lap again and you pull it up to see the message. It’s Mingi again - Budae Jjigae for dinner, ask Wooyoung if he wants to stay? We’ll have plenty

It’s like he felt your anxiety from miles away and you can feel the tense knot of your shoulders unlocking. You send back a quick heart emoji and then look back up to your friend, “You want to stay for dinner?”

He smiles, “Who’s cooking?”

“Mingi,” You tell him, “he’s been on a comfort food kick for me,”

Wooyoung smiles, “I’ll stay,”

“Great,” You tap out a reply to Mingi letting him know and take a big sigh.

“They make you happy,” Wooyoung says, “it’s nice to see,”

“It’s nice to feel,” You tell him, “after all this time, and after everything,”

“You deserve it,” He murmurs.

You smile, a little tease at the corner of your mouth when you nudge him, “So do you, and speaking of,”

His face lights up fast, “I wasn’t trying to bring my too-good mood over here if things weren’t going well,” he sighs, “but now that I know you’re all in love,”

“So you and Yeosang?” You turn the conversation to something so much happier, and feel lighter the second you do.

“It’s so good,” He gushes, head falling back against the cushions, “he’s kind of quiet, kind of hard to get to know at first, but y/n, he’s so funny,”

“Yeah?” You smile.

“And smart,” He adds, “and considerate, he’s always getting me coffees or refilling my water, just like, those little things,”

“Wow, look at you,” You squeeze his hand, “serial dater of alphas, turned into a blushy mess over a funny, smart, considerate beta,”

“He’s packing like an alpha, I’ll say that,” Wooyoung grins wolfishly.

You smack his chest, “Woo! Literally that is too much information,”

“Please,” He rolls his eyes, “I share a locker room with your boyfriends, I know what you’re working with,”

You feel your face flush red.

“Cute,” He teases.

“So,” You divert, “does Yeosang feel as strongly?”

His smile drops a little, “I mean,” he says, “I think so? But he’s not really an oversharer,”

“Have you told anyone else?” You try to be casual about that question, but if you’re being honest you’re dying to know where things will land with San and Seonghwa.

Wooyoung shakes his head though, “Not yet, but I think when everything calms down I might have him pick me up at the studio or something? I want you to meet him and I want everyone to know, I just,”

“I get it,” You assure him, “you go at your own pace.”

“Yeah,” He sighs.

“Just don’t follow my lead,” You smile, “if you like him, don’t run away in a panic,”

“Noted,” He laughs.

He looks so happy, bright from the inside in a way that matches his sunny scent, and you think he’s not far from sharing ‘I love you’s of his own at this rate.

You squeeze his hand again and catch his attention back, “You really look so happy,” you tell him.

“I am,” He sighs, “he’s exactly what I needed,”

You smile, and then push his legs to the side, “Move over, I know you have pictures, you’re holding out,”

He laughs sharply, head falling back but letting you manhandle him a little so you can snuggle into his side. Wooyoung tugs the blanket around you both and pulls out his phone, “Fine,”

“Like it’s a burden to show your best friend pictures of your hot new boyfriend,” You smack his chest, “come on,”

Wooyoung drops his arm around your shoulders until you’re slotted together on the corner of the couch, but he still hasn’t lit up his phone. You’re about to nudge him again, but then you feel him press a soft kiss to your hair.

“You know,” He says softly, “when Sannie called me and told me what happened, I just felt so sick,”

You find his other hand under the covers and lace your fingers together, “I’m okay,”

He nods, sighing into your skin, “I just want you to know,” he says, his voice a little tight, “you mean so much to me, and I’ll be grateful to them forever for stopping him,”

You blink back a few tears and nod, “I am okay, though,”

He nods again and clears his throat, “I know,”

“I think you’re avoiding my questions about Yeosang,” You squeeze his hand tightly, an acknowledgement of his emotions and his words, while steering the conversation back to happier topics.

“You’re right,” He laughs, “you caught me.”

“Come on,” You nudge him again, pushing down the little swell of emotion that his words brought up.

“He’s not really a selfie guy,” Wooyoung slides his finger across his phone screen until he finds Instagram and then navigates to his new man’s page, “but, I don’t know, I think you’ll like his vibe.”

Your face cracks into a wide smile when you see the profile, clearly that of an artist, a photographer. The first post on his page is of Wooyoung, though you’d have to know Wooyoung well to know it. He’s walking away from camera through a dark Itaewon street, the lines of his body accented by the neon club signs.

“Oh, Woo,” You relax against him and open that photo to see it larger, “he really likes you,”

He snatches the phone away, a little pink in his cheeks as he rushes to downplay the truth of what you can see plain as day, and you fight to get back the phone, your cheeks starting to hurt from how much you’ve been laughing.

You and Wooyoung stay like this for ages, warmly locked together as you swap stories and funny things on both your phones. By the time your phone chimes with another text from Mingi, at least two hours have gone by.

Almost home! His message reads.

Your chest feels warm, your heart whole at the words.

“They’ll be back in a minute,” You tell Wooyoung as you set your phone aside.

“Perfect,” He grins, “so exactly how much teasing can I get away with before you get mad?”

You fall apart again into laughter, happy tears stinging at your eyes. You don’t hear the front door open at first, but when you finally look up you see them standing frozen in the doorway with such softness in their expressions. You feel the words bubble up at the sight of them, but again they stay resting at the tip of your tongue.

Wooyoung rolls his eyes and pushes off the couch, “Alright, alright stop making heart eyes at each other and tell me what’s in the box,”

Your eyes flick down to the large white box in Mingi’s hand, the perfect cheesecake nestled inside waiting just for you. Wooyoung takes a few grocery bags out of their hands and heads off to the kitchen, and just like that your night falls together naturally.

You don’t think about Minseok again until later that night. For a beautiful, blissful four hours you just laughed and ate and relaxed with your best friend and your boyfriends, and he doesn’t enter your brain at all.

It isn’t until you’re lying in bed alone with your thoughts, Yunho and Mingi deep asleep on either side of you, that you realize what you have to do.

In the morning you wake from a dreamless sleep, and you start to put your plan in motion. You slip out of bed and leave them to their rest, light only just stretching its way through the Seoul skies outside. Seeing Wooyoung made you feel lighter in a way that you can’t explain, and within minutes you’re scrawling out a note, stealing Mingi’s key, and lacing up your sneakers.

Out for a walk, be back in a little while, don’t worry too much x

You leave it on their kitchen counter and you hope it’s enough to keep them from looking for you. You need a little space from your own scared reflection in the mirror, and a new perspective on the plan you’ve been turning over since your head hit the pillows last night.

The note isn’t a lie, strictly speaking, you are out for a walk, but you also know if you told them exactly where you were on a walk to, they'd worry. They wouldn’t just worry, they would have insisted on coming with you, but this is something you have to do alone.

You take the long way to the hospital down the river path, letting the cool day calm your mind and keep you centered. You go over in your mind all the things you want to say to him when you see him, assuming you actually make it into his room. You wonder how hard it will be to convince him. You wonder if you’ll even be able to get a single word out of your mouth.

You have to try.

Yunho’s words from yesterday morning in the kitchen sink into you. The tenderness in his eyes when he mentioned how jumpy you’ve been around the apartment. You hadn’t even realized it, but now you feel it in your shoulders and your stomach with the sound of every opening door, every squeak of a shoe on vinyl flooring. Everytime you look up into a mirror you expect to see a face over your shoulder, to feel hands on your hips.

Minseok had taken so many little things from you in the span of three minutes.

You need to take something back.

Every step leading into the hospital is heart pounding and nerve wracking, stress inducing on a level you’ve never experienced, but standing in front of reception you suddenly feel an overwhelming calm. Your mind is clear, operating on something wholly unconscious and you don’t know where you’ve mustered this feeling from, but you let it take you.

You give over Minseok’s full name and provide the kindest smile you can to the woman behind the desk,“I’m his sister,” you tell her. The lie rolls right off your tongue, so clean and easy you surprise yourself.

“Oh,” The nurse nods, “well visiting hours don’t start until eleven,”

“I have work,” You counter, softening your face, “I’m sorry, but do you think you could make an exception? I’ll be very quick, I just want to see him for a few minutes before I have to run,”

She considers it, and you know you have her the minute she checks the nurse’s station to see who else is there with her before she breaks a rule, “Alright, but just be quick, five minutes,”

“Thank you so much,” You smile, “really, you’re so kind,”

She waves you off, glancing around her again, “He’s in 305, the third door down on your left when I open the doors,”

“Thank you,”

She presses a button on the wall and the lock springs free, opening the heavy security door to your side. With one last smile and deeply grateful bow, you slip through the door and make it through into the hospital hallway where you are most definitely not supposed to be.

Third door on the left.

You have to be quick, not so you don’t get caught, but so you don’t chicken out. If you stand in this hallway and let yourself really think about what you’re doing, you’ll turn right around and go home. Steeling yourself, you rush forwards and find the door to 305 and with a deep breath you slip inside.

Private rooms are expensive, that thought occurs to you as you shut the door tightly behind you. That fact, plus the reality that he’s already talking about pressing his own charges, tells you Seonghwa was right, he has some kind of family money. You hope that when you turn around and actually face the room you won’t have to contend with his mother or father or god forbid some girlfriend you know nothing about. You need him to be alone.

Blissfully, the room is quiet, the only sounds are medical and simple. With your palms flat against the door you take a deep breath, and if Minseok is awake he says nothing, makes no sound, while you gather the nerve to do this.

Finally, you turn.

He is awake, studying you with a careful expression, but then your eyes flick over him. He’s more than injured, he’s completely incapacitated. You catalog it all quickly - his leg suspended in an elevating sling, ankle wrapped up tight, wrist sprained and in a brace, his face is bruised and battered and you realize in seconds that his broken jaw is wired shut. He has an oxygen cannula tucked into his bandaged nose, and you remember that his ribs are broken too.

You wonder which of your boys delivered each piece of punishment.

Your mouth feels dry, and your pulse is quickening, the sight of him so close is enough to induce panic but he can’t really do anything to you in this state so you have to just be brave. You push yourself off the wall and walk to the end of his hospital bed, “Hey,”

He gestures to his jaw and shrugs to communicate that he can’t really talk.

“I know,” You nod, “I heard.”

It’s strange to be here with him like this when last week you were working side by side. It’s bizarre to suddenly feel this bubble of uncomfortable space and distance, and to feel the fear underneath it all.

He gestures towards you with his bandaged hand and you know he’s asking why you’re here.

“I heard about the counter charges,” You came here with a purpose and you have to stick to it, “and I came here to ask you to drop them.”

He shakes his head and looks down at himself and then back up to you.

“After what you did?” Anger curls up in your belly, “I think they took it pretty easy on you.”

He huffs, a puff of air from his closed lips.

“Listen,” You try, “you and I both know what you tried to do, and whatever your excuse is, it doesn’t matter. If they hadn’t gotten you off me… I guess what I’m saying is do the right thing now. You said you were sorry, just drop these charges and we can all move on.”

His eyes harden and he shakes his head.

You thought he was apologetic after, coming to his senses and realizing in the haze of his rut he almost broke someone’s mind, but now you’re starting to think he was just pleading for his own beating to stop.

“You won’t consider it?” You ask, stomach clenching tightly.

He shakes his head again and points to his injuries. Jaw, ribs, leg.

You want to hit him yourself, so suddenly that your fingers curl tight into fists, “You tried to fucking claim me because I wouldn’t go out on a date with you, and you think you’re the victim here?”

He seems irritated by your question, and he reaches for something on the tray table to his side. He pulls up a small whiteboard and marker, clearly given to him by hospital staff to communicate, and he wipes away the words that were there to write out his message to you.

I’m the one in a hospital bed.

“You bastard,” The words just slip out, “why do you think? They put you here for a fucking reason, Minseok,”

He wipes the message away and writes something else.

Keep your alphas on a leash.

You’ve never understood the phrase ‘seeing red’ before, but now it’s meaning is crystal clear, “You should keep yourself on a leash.”

He huffs.

“Using tone to submit an omega is illegal, Minseok,” You round the corner of the bed, “the prison time for something like that is long. It’s not even just assault, I think that’s something like three or four years? But using tone… claiming against an omega’s will? That’s irreparable damage. I wonder how many charges they’d stack on top in court? Psychological trauma? Sexual assault?”

His eyes darken and he wipes the board again, his marker squeaking roughly against it as he angrily writes out the next message.

I never touched you like that.

“You would have,” You shake your head, “as soon as I was your nice obedient omega and couldn’t say no.”

He stares daggers, but says nothing.

“They might be able to prove intent,” You tell him, “throw a few more years on top for good measure. How old do you think you’ll be when they let you out? Do you think a dance studio would hire a forty year old man?”

His face pales, he looks sick suddenly.

“You’ll drop the charges,” You tell him, “and when you do, I’ll drop mine.”

His eyes widen.

“You’ll never set foot in the studio again, and you’ll go find another job somewhere else.”

His eyes skim over you, trying to gauge your honesty.

“Do you understand me?” You don’t know what’s possessing you, what’s holding you up so you can get these words out, but you’ve never felt more sure.

He says nothing.

You lean in closer, close enough that if he was uninjured he could easily have you back in control, but with his jaw wired shut and his lack of mobility, he can’t do a thing. Nerves flutter up your body as you lean in, and you’re sure he can smell Yunho and Mingi on you, but the guarantee that he can’t touch you is filling you with a sick sense of power, of sure joy.

“You tried and you failed,” You tell him, and he huffs, “and that’s on you.”

His cheek twitches and you’re sure he’d be clenching his jaw if he could do it without exceptional pain.

“You’ll do this for me, you owe me,” You hold his gaze despite the flutter of fear it brings you, “and if you don’t, I don’t care what it takes. I’ll see you in court and if that doesn’t work, I’ll make sure that you never, ever get hired again. Every studio in Korea will know what you did, and every omega in Seoul will know what you really are, and if you ever get close to me again after today I’ll break your jaw myself.”

His eyes flick down.

“Do you understand me?” You repeat, enunciating clearly.

He nods once.

“Good,” You push back from him and get some distance, “get the charges against all of them dropped by tomorrow and I’ll call and withdraw mine. Don’t ever come back to the studio, if you left stuff there consider it gone.”

He holds your gaze, and then he writes out a question - How do I know you’ll keep your word?

“You don’t,” You shrug, “but I promise you I wouldn’t be here in this room with you at all if I wasn’t willing to drop them.”

He turns your words over.

“Minseok,” You sigh, “they mean more to me than watching you go to jail, please, just do the right thing.”

He wipes his hand again across the whiteboard and then he shifts, looking back up to you to nod in agreement.

“You’ll do it?”

He nods again and then picks the marker back up to write something.

“Don’t,” You stop him, “there’s nothing you can say I want to hear. Just do this and we’ll be done.”

He looks away and without meeting your eyes again, he nods.

“Don’t make me come back,” You press him, but he doesn’t respond and that will have to be enough. You’ve done what you came to do.

You’re out of his room in a flash, back through the security doors and quick past the front desk. You don’t spare a single glance at the nurse who broke the rules for you, you just need to get out of here before you let the reality of what you’ve done hit you sideways. You don’t let a single thing consume you until you’re out of the hospital and on the street again, and you sink down onto the first available bench.

Your heart is pounding, hands trembling. You need to get this under control before you go home because the last thing you want is to cause Yunho and Mingi anymore stress or heartache. You give yourself some time to come back into your body, to forget the hard set of Minseok’s eyes and the way his fingers twitched when you got too close, the way you fought the curling panic in your gut to get the words out.

When you do feel whole again, you order a taxi back. You’ve been gone a while, probably a little longer than they expected, and you hope they’re not worried.

Using Mingi’s borrowed key, you slip into the apartment and let their scents wash over you, soothing you instantly. You shut the door quietly behind you and toe off your shoes before calling out, “Is anyone home?”

You hear movement immediately, Mingi from the kitchen and Yunho from his bedroom and it fills you with warmth.

“Hey,” Mingi gets to the living room first, “how was your walk?”

“Really good,” You tell him, and that’s the truth. The walk itself was nice until you cut it short with your little errand.

“You look good,” He smiles, and Yunho appears from his side of the apartment as Mingi continues, “fresher,”

“Yeah,” You sigh, “it’s a beautiful morning out,”

“Hey,” Yunho says, smiling at the sight of you.

“I’m sorry I didn’t wake you,” You say, “I just wanted to clear my head a bit, so I hope you don’t mind that I borrowed your key,”

Mingi shakes his head as you hang his keyring up by the door.

“We’ll have to get one made for you,” Yunho says, “if you want,”

You let the implication of that lie and you nod, but excitement sparks in your belly.

“Is there any coffee?” You ask, moving into the apartment and heading towards the kitchen. You need to tell them where you’ve been, but you just need a breath before you can.

“Mhm,” Mingi says, “I just made a cup,”

“Oh,” You shake your head, “I don’t want to take yours, I’ll make my own.”

“No, no,” He slides behind you and presses a kiss to your hair as he does, “take it, I’ll make another. Yunho, do you want one?”

“I’m good,” He replies, coming to stand next to you at the small kitchen island.

Mingi looks like he’s thinking about something as he finishes off your cup of coffee and throws an electric kettle back on to make another pourover, but Yunho draws your attention away.

“Jagi,” He starts, “I don’t mean to… well, can we talk to you about something?”

“Sure,” You angle towards him, his words making you a little nervous, “is everything okay?”

“Absolutely,” He assures you, brushing his hand down the length of your arm, “but Mingi and I were talking while you were gone, about how to handle everything with these charges,”

“Oh,” His timing is impeccable.

“We just want to include you,” He says, squeezing your hand, “and make sure we’re handling things the way we should, but it might be smart to try and hire a lawyer before this goes any further,”

You’re not sure how you’re supposed to say this.

“We talked to Seonghwa and he agrees,” Yunho continues, “this will be the easiest way to protect all of us,”

“Yunho,” You start, “hang on,”

“If this is upsetting we can talk about it later,” Yunho adds, “but Seonghwa has some connections through his parents, he wants to make some calls.”

Your stomach twists at the idea of Seonghwa needing to lean on a favor from his parents, and every choice you made that morning becomes perfectly validated with just that thought. You would never, ever let him do that, not after everything he’s done for you.

“It’s not upsetting,” You assure Yunho, trying to interject, “I just don’t think that will be necessary,”

“Getting a lawyer?” He clarifies.

“Yeah,” You swallow hard and glance at Mingi, “I don’t think we’ll need to.”

“I mean, having representation would be best,” Yunho says, “I know it’s stressful, but we need to be careful,”

“Right,” You sigh, needing him to give you a breath to explain, “that’s if there’s a suit,”

“Well sure, but,” Yunho starts but the penny drops for Mingi.

“Tell me you didn’t,” Mingi turns to you fully and the words die on Yunho’s lips as he plays catch up.

You stay quiet, holding his gaze, but when you let out a soft breath he sets his coffee back down.

“y/n,” Mingi says, voice serious and leaving Yunho visibly more and more confused, “tell me you didn’t do what I think you did.”

“I took care of it,” You settle on the most neutral words you can.

“No,” He shakes his head, “you can’t just say that, you have to give us more than that.”

“I was planning on it,” You push past Yunho to approach Mingi, resting your hands on his upper arms as you get closer into his space, “I swear, you just guessed it too fast,”

“You smell like the hospital,” He explains, his nose crinkled up.

“Whoa, whoa,” Yunho finally catches up, “why were you at the hospital?”

You just have to say it, “I talked to Minseok,”

“Absolutely not,” Yunho pushes around the island and closer to you, “are you insane?”

“He’s completely incapacitated,” You tell them both, “he couldn’t have touched me even if he wanted to,”

“Yes, but you didn’t know that!” Yunho presses, his voice running high in surprise, but you can see he’s doing his best to keep level and cool.

“Look at me,” You settle him, “do I look hurt? Upset?”

“No,” He admits with a puff of dejected air.

“Am I myself?” You take both their hands in yours.

“Yes,” Mingi admits.

“Okay,” You sigh, “now stop freaking out and listen to me, because I promise you I’m perfectly fine,”

Mingi nods once, and Yunho stays silent, which is enough for you to do what you need to do.

“I went there to talk him out of the charges he’s filing,” You explain, “and I guess… I just wanted to understand what he did, so I wanted to talk to him.”

“And?” Yunho prompts.

“He’s an asshole,” You start.

“Did he touch you?” Mingi asks, his voice a little tight and thready, “Say anything to you?”

“No,” You promise, tugging him closer until his hands are properly on you, “come here,”

“You can tell us if he did,” Yunho’s fingertips stroke a gentle pattern over the back of your neck, “we’re not angry, we just want to help,”

“Speak for yourself, I still want to kill him,” Mingi says sharply.

“Hey,” Yunho nudges him, “chill,”

“Both of you relax,” You interject and they fall silent, “he didn’t do anything, he couldn’t even talk, his jaw is fully wired shut,”

Yunho huffs a laugh, “Good,”

You smile, “Honestly, he looked pretty pathetic,”

“He is pretty pathetic,” Mingi points out.

“Right,” You sigh, “well, aside from some choice words written out on a whiteboard, he didn’t have much to say or do. I explained that if he didn’t drop his charges things would be much worse for him in the long run… and he saw reason.”

“He agreed to that?” Mingi’s eyes go wide.

“Mhm,”

“Why?” Yunho’s brows draw together, “Not out of the goodness of his heart, I assume,”

“No,” You shake your head, “but when I tell you, I need you both to promise me you won’t be angry.”

“That’s unfair,” Yunho says.

“Just say it,” Mingi nods, “we won’t know until we know.”

You chew the inside of your lip as you search for the right way to say this, and you know they’ll be upset no matter what, but they deserve honesty. You nod, “I agreed to drop my charges if he drops his,”

They’re silent, deathly silent.

“y/n,” Yunho swallows tightly as he gets his voice even, “why would you do that?”

“He didn’t want to listen to me at first,” You explain, “and I thought it through on the walk. That’s the only piece of leverage we have right now,”

“But he did something wrong, he should be held accountable,” Mingi exclaims, taking a full step away from you and running a hand through his hair.

“You heard the questions the police asked me,” You interject, “how close was I to my next heat? Did I know Minseok was in pre-rut? Why did I stay in the room if he was making me uncomfortable? What was I wearing?”

“But it wasn’t your fault,” Yunho insists, “he used tone, that’s fucking illegal,”

“I said he used tone,” You counter quietly, “but he’ll say he didn’t and he’ll say I got confused or misunderstood. He’ll use our relationship against you both, and my relationship with Seonghwa to paint… a very particular kind of picture about me. We all know what he did but I’m telling you, legally? We’re on the losing side,”

“But,” Mingi shakes his head, “that’s…”

“I know,” You nod, “believe me, I know.”

“You should have taken us with you,” Yunho says quietly, “we could have talked to him for you,”

You shake your head, “No,” you need them to understand, “you got to hit him… you got to do something, I didn’t get to do anything but be fucking scared,”

His expression softens, “Oh,”

“You protected me when I needed you,” You feel tears welling up now at the thought of it, “it’s my turn to protect you,”

They’re so quiet, watching you carefully.

“Nothing is taking you away from me again,” You say it, plain and clear, “nothing is taking away you or my friends, I won’t let that happen,”

Mingi’s arms fold around you fast as he tucks you into his chest and you feel Yunho step close too, laying a warm palm on your back as he leans into you both.

“Whatever you want, we’ll do it,” Mingi murmurs, “okay?”

You nod, closing your eyes as you snuggle into the warmth of him.

“And we’ll handle it together,” Yunho says, “but don’t make this decision for us, make it for you. We,” Yunho’s voice trails, but then he clears his throat and says what he wants to say anyways, “we love you. No matter what happens,”

“I know,” You sigh, snaking an arm out of Mingi’s hold to find Yunho’s hand and tuck him a little closer too, “but I’m sure,”

“I hate to state the obvious here,” Mingi pulls back from you so he can look at you both, “but if he’s not charged with anything, then he’s a free man.”

That thought does make your stomach flip, but you knew that when you walked into the hospital room, “I know,”

“It’s your choice,” Mingi reiterates, “but I still don’t know if I’m comfortable taking that kind of risk with you.”

“I don’t even want to think about that,” Yunho says, his hands finding your shoulders as he tucks closer behind you.

The image of Minseok’s face when you asked about his dance career flickers through your mind and you smile, “I think he got the picture,”

“y/n,” Mingi’s voice is hesitant.

“I told him in no uncertain terms,” You can’t get the smile off your face now, “that if he came anywhere near me again I’d break his jaw myself.”

“You didn’t,” Yunho looks down to see your face.

“I did,” You nod, “and before you freak out again, please remember that I’m here and totally fine in front of you,”

Mingi gives you a truly withering look but lets you speak.

“Honestly,” You breathe, “you should have seen him, he was lying there and could barely move, and when he didn’t want to drop the charges at first, I kind of got in his face,”

Yunho’s hands tighten on your shoulders and Mingi scrubs a hand over his face, “Don’t tell me that,”

“But I did,” You press your palms flat against Mingi’s chest, “I told him that if he didn’t drop his charges he would never get rid of me, I told him I’d make his life hell, and he couldn’t even move. He couldn’t touch me,”

Mingi’s quiet, his eyes flicking up to Yunho behind you. Yunho sighs, dropping his forehead to rest against your hair and then his arms relax, wrapping around you from behind.

“I really hate this story,” Yunho says, “but I’m also really proud of you,”

“Me too,” Mingi’s hand closes over both of yours to give you a squeeze.

“I just wish you had told us,” Yunho admits.

“If I had told you I was going there you would have never let me go alone,” You point out.

“Exactly,” Yunho’s arms tighten.

You turn your head to press your lips to his arm where it wraps around your shoulder, and you nuzzle a little into his warm skin, “You know why I had to go though, right? You get it?”

He nods against your head.

Mingi smooths his hand up and down your forearm, “We do,”

“I just hate the thought of him seeing you again,” Yunho admits, lifting his head and readjusting you in his arms, “or being close to you at all,”

“I know,” You lean back into his embrace, “but this is the thing, he got to see me be fine after what he did,”

“And you got to see him,” Mingi puts two and two together with ease and nods, “and he looked pathetic?”

“More than that,” You smile, “he looked… afraid.”

“Good,” Mingi says firmly.

You remember the way he looked in that hospital bed, his eyes darting around the room. He shrank back when you got close, no doubt the scent of Yunho and Mingi lingering on your skin, and you smile up at them at the thought, “He was terrified my alphas were with me,”

Yunho’s lips quirk and he leans around you to meet your eyes, “He wasn’t afraid of us, sweetheart, he was afraid of you.”

“No,” You laugh that off, but they don’t join in and Mingi makes a funny expression at your words.

Yunho slides away, shoulder to shoulder with Mingi now as he looks down at you, “Yes, y/n,” he shakes his head, “he was vulnerable and alone and stuck in a hospital bed, and you’re…”

“A powerful fucking omega,” Mingi supplies.

Yunho nods, “And he knows that you could ruin the rest of his life.”

You don’t know what to say.

“y/n,” Mingi sighs, tugging you in until your bodies are close together, “if you ever do something that reckless again, I’ll lose my mind,”

You move to lift your head and push back, to keep trying to get him to understand why this was so important for you to do alone and why you made the choices you made, but he stops you short.

“But,” He adds, kissing the top of your head, “it was also very brave, and I love you for it.”

“Yeah?” You nudge him.

“Yeah,” He admits.

“I do wish I could have seen it,” Yunho grins, “that asshole scared of you,”

Mingi’s hands slide to your hips, tightening their grip and he swallows hard, “Our fierce little omega,”

A ripple of something needy and unexpected passes through your belly, “Is that what I am?”

Yunho steps closer, finding a home for his hands on your body too, “You called us your alphas,” he says softly, “isn’t that what we are?”

Mingi’s thumbs brush a warm steady pattern into your hips and you feel yourself melting into their hands, “Yes,”

“That makes you our omega, sweetheart,” Yunho eyes flick from yours to your lips.

The way they say omega to you doesn’t sound cold. It doesn’t sound cruel or commanding, no undertone of ownership despite the content of their words. When they say it all you hear is love.

“Say that again,” You murmur softly.

Mingi smiles, lifting his eyes to watch you.

Yunho dips closer, his lips dangerously close, “Our omega?”

You nod a little, heat flushing your cheeks.

“Our omega,” He repeats, pressing his lips to yours. He waits to make sure you want it, he waits to feel you twist in their arms and reach up for him, and then he lets his body follow his thoughts, lips opening and his tongue dipping into your mouth.

Mingi’s hand shifts, spreading wide over your lower belly, his fingertips at the waistband of your pants. You’re not ready for that, and you hope he doesn’t notice the way you twitched in his hands when he first adjusted his grip, but either way he makes no move to take anything further. Neither of them do. Despite Yunho’s lips on yours, and the breath between you both, his hands stay put on your back and your cheek while Mingi just holds you, patient and soft at your side.

When your lips break from Yunho, settling back down your heels after pushing up on tiptoe, Mingi uses his grip on you to spin you to face him, his mouth finding yours with ease.

You hum pleasantly against his mouth, your hands gripping his broad shoulders for balance.

“Ours,” Mingi murmurs between kisses, and then his hands spread to your backside, maneuvering you up into his arms in one quick motion, “you’re ours,”

You wrap your legs around his middle and sink into the kiss, “I’m yours,”

“Fuck, I missed you,” He mumbles between kisses, nuzzling your cheek with his nose.

You nod against him, stealing one more kiss before you lean back, still perched comfortably with your legs around his waist. You smooth a hand over Mingi’s cheek and then reach for your other lover to bring him close, drawing him in by the hand until he’s nestled against both of your sides. Yunho’s hand reaches around to cup under your thigh and you settle your own hand on the back of Yunho’s neck, fingers stroking the shaggy bottom of his dark hair.

“This is nice,” Mingi smiles a little, eyes flicking between you and Yunho.

Yunho nods, his free hand settling on Mingi’s back.

“I can’t believe I convinced myself that we weren’t scent sympathetic,” You sigh a small, unfunny laugh, “this just feels so right,”

“Knowing it and knowing it are two different things,” Mingi says, emphasizing the word.

“I guess so,”

“And it’s not like all scent matches work out,” Yunho adds, “we still have to work at it,”

You nod, relaxing into their hold, “I want that,”

“We do too,” Mingi squeezes your thigh a little with his wide hand.

It’s funny how different it all feels now than months ago during your first panicked heat here, how settled you are with everything. You glance between them and ask the obvious, “When we go back to work, what are we this time?”

“Pack,” Mingi says easily and your head snaps to his, eyebrows high.

“Mingi,” You blink at him, surprised at his easy reference to such a permanent state of being. Scent matches and compatibility is one thing, but pack is something so much more. All of it flickers in your mind - claims, bonds, tying you together permanently.

“Someday,” Yunho interjects smoothly, giving you a soft, reassuring kiss to the head, “far in the future, if you’ll have us.”

“Someday,” The word slips out of you like an agreement, and despite all the fears shared with Wooyoung earlier, you do want them like that. You want to someday be able to give each other that.

“Then we’re pack,” Mingi lights up at your words, “officially, unofficially, I don’t care. You’re with us, we’re with you.”

Your body fills with warmth, but you can feel your heart rate picking up.

Yunho smiles, “What did they used to call that back in the day?”

“Courting,” You fill in the blank for him, and the word feels strangely old fashioned considering the fact that you’ve already spent a heat with them. When packs were more common, groups of alphas would court compatible omegas until it was sure they were a good match in more ways than just scent. The implication then was something more akin to a modern engagement and you can’t believe after everything you’ve been through with these two men, this is the conversation you’re having suddenly so casually in their kitchen.

“Well,” Yunho laughs, “we don’t have to call it that,”

“We’re,” You trail off, trying to find the words, “dating?”

“Partners?” Yunho offers a slightly less casual word.

“Together,” Mingi cuts in, “that’s what we are. We’re your alphas, we belong to you, and you,” he draws you closer in his arms to press a soft kiss on your lips, “are our omega.”

“And at work?” You trail off.

“We’ll be ourselves,” Yunho suggests, “people probably already know after last week anyways,”

Mingi nods, dipping forward and pressing a kiss to your lips, “No more pretending we don’t mean something to each other,”

“No more pretending,” You shift in his arms, wrapping your arms properly around his shoulders so that you’re hugging each other tightly.

Mingi hums appreciatively, his breath warm against your hair and then he chuckles a little as he readjusts you in his arms, “Is it too fast if I start calling you yeobo, though? I feel like it suits you,”

You pull back from the hug, “We’re not married, Mingi,” you remind him, “and I didn’t hear a proposal,”

“You want to get proposed to, baby?” He teases and you shove his chest.

“Knock it off,” Yunho smacks the back of Mingi’s head, “our relationship doesn’t have to break the sound barrier,”

“I’m kidding,” Mingi squeezes you, shifting to take a few steps and deposit you on the kitchen counter before stepping back with a quick peck on your lips.

“Hmm,” Yunho rolls his eyes and slumps back against the counter next to you, one wide hand smoothing over your thigh, “we just got you back, I’d like to avoid scaring you off,”

“I’m not scared,” You shake your head, and as you say it, you realize it’s true. Six months ago you would have balked at Mingi’s veiled promise of his intentions, you would have told them all their hormones were mixed up and confused. You would have told yourself the same. It feels strange to feel completely at peace with the idea of a real someday with them.

Yunho’s eyebrow quirks up in a question at your words and Mingi grins, a little self satisfied.

“Actually,” You exhale heavily and straighten up, “I talked to Wooyoung yesterday and he helped me figure some things out,”

“Things?” Mingi asks.

“Um,” Your pounds in your chest, “yeah,”

Yunho gives you an encouraging squeeze to keep going.

You meet his eyes and take the leap, “Can you make that call? For me to talk with someone?”

He softens and nods, “I’ll do it first thing,”

“Okay,” You say, taking another deep breath, “then there’s one more thing to tell you,”

Mingi doesn’t say anything, but he steps back closer to you, resting his hand on your opposite thigh.

“It’s my turn to ask you to be patient,” You give them both an anxious, close lipped smile.

“We’re listening,” Mingi soothes you.

“Okay,” You take both their hands in yours, “here goes. The idea of bonding with you both is kind of sending me into a tailspin right now, and I’m terrified that it’s something I’m never going to get over. Wooyoung told me to talk to someone to work through that and I want to. I thought about it all day, and the truth is that I want to be with you both for as long as you’ll have me. You feel like you’re mine, now more than ever, and I’m scared, but I’m also scared of not trying,”

“And if I can be yours like this for now,” You continue, “without bonds like you said, pack even if it’s unofficial, then maybe I can work through this and make it official someday. I’m just scared your definition of ‘far in the future’ and my definition are different though, and I,”

“Fuck bonds,” Mingi interrupts, moving to cup both your cheeks and draw your eyes to his, “that shit doesn’t matter to me at all. We’re together by choice, not by claim. If you want my bite someday, I’ll give it to you, but you won’t ever hear me ask, alright? Never.”

“Me too,” Yunho’s hand brushes down your hair, coming to rest on the back of your neck, “as far as I’m concerned it’s secondary, I don’t care what anyone thinks. I’d sooner leave you than push you into a bond you aren’t ready for,”

You jolt forwards, throwing an arm around each of their shoulders and nearly slipping off the counter when you do, but they hold you steady as you pull them in.

“We just want you,” Mingi’s rough, low voice murmurs, “just this.”

You feel their warmth, the steady thrum of each of their heartbeats, their scents curling around you like a safe, easy memory. The words find themselves right on the tip of your tongue again, only this time, this time they come.

“I love you,” You take in a sharp, emotional breath as you get yourself together, overwhelmed by their words, “I love you both so much,”

Yunho dips back to find your mouth, locking his lips on yours and sighing a breath of true relief against your mouth, “I love you too, sweetheart,”

Mingi redirects your gaze with his fingers on your jaw the moment Yunho starts to lean back and he kisses you hard, leaving you gripping his shirt for balance, “I love you,”

“God,” You smile, every part of your body alight with joy, “I think we might be crazy, but I don’t care,”

“Good,” Yunho glances between you both, “because I think I’m having a crazy idea,”

“What idea?”

“Move in,” He blurts out, and he can’t stop smiling, “fuck giving you a key, fuck calling you our girlfriend. Move in properly, be ours. If we’re together, let’s be together, we’ve lost enough time,”

“Who’s moving fast now?” Mingi says, but he’s smiling too.

Everything in your body feels right, feels safe. You’ve been calling this home for days, and you’ve been calling them yours in your head for so much longer.

You’re nodding before your mouth can catch up with your brain, “Okay, okay, yes, let’s do it,”

Yunho pulls you up into his arms and holds you close, peppering kisses across your temple, “We’ll figure everything else out later, but at least we’ll be together,”

“Thank God,” You melt into his embrace, meeting Mingi’s eyes over Yunho’s shoulder, “because I really didn’t want to leave,”

“No leaving this time,” Mingi smiles softly as Yunho nods his head against yours.

“Mm-mm,” You shake your head, agreeing with his words.

“We’ll get everything from your place as soon as we can, make it official,” Mingi adds.

You nod, and then a thought occurs to you, “Is there even enough room for me here?”

Yunho unwraps himself from around you and nods, “We’ll need a bigger bed,”

“For a start,” Mingi nods, “and you need a nest,”

“Yeah?” Your very own nest, a real one.

“Oh, babe,” Mingi finds your hand, tugging you in, “you’re about to get fucking spoiled, anything you want, we’ll figure it out.”

“You don’t have to, I just want to be here,” You tell them.

“Doesn’t matter,” Yunho says, “we’ve waited for you for so long,”

“Too long,” Mingi wraps his arms around you both, “way too long,”

It doesn’t matter anymore what pushed you into their arms, what kind of day you’ve had, everything you’ve had to get through. Not a thing in the world matters but this choice, the safe home of their arms, three of you against the world like it was always meant to be.

#this night together fic #honeyhotteoks fics #honeyhotteoks updates #ateez fic #ateez ff #ateez series #yunho x reader #mingi x reader #yungi x reader #yunho fic #yunho ff #mingi fic #mingi ff #yungi fic #yungi ff #yungi series

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pin-k-ink · 20 days

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haze // edogawa ranpo

tw ⇢ highly suggestive themes, smoking, mention of a hangover

wc ⇢ 1k

a/n: a rewrite of smth i wrote nearly two years ago

"Come on. We're already late." Ranpo tried to nudge your half-asleep, hungover form out of the warm cocoon of soft sheets and blankets you had wrapped yourself in. The mattress felt extraordinarily comfortable this morning, especially compared to the prospect of dragging yourself out of bed to face the day. You snuggled in deeper, relishing the coziness enveloping you, reluctant to emerge and silently hoping Ranpo would just leave you be.

Despite his usually carefree, happy-go-lucky demeanor, you could tell Ranpo was on the verge of losing his patience with you. You peeked an eye open to see his right eye twitching in irritation at your blatant ignoring of his promptings.

"I really don't feel up to it today," you mumbled, your voice muffled by the numerous layers of bedding you had burrowed under. With a sigh, you shifted slightly, trying to get comfortable again now that your peaceful slumber had been disrupted. You knew you wouldn't be able to drift back to sleep, but you still weren't ready to leave the sanctuary of your bed quite yet.

Ranpo's frustration reaching a boiling point, he grasped the edge of the blankets and swiftly yanked them off of you. "Get up already!" he demanded. But as the covers were peeled back, revealing your scantily clad form, Ranpo's mouth went dry, his grievances momentarily forgotten.

You lay there wearing nothing but a skimpy black lace bra and panties, complete with a garter belt framing your hips and thighs. Having foregone makeup the night before, just a hint of lipstick remained, now smeared seductively around your mouth. Your hair splayed out across the pillow in tousled waves that somehow still looked sexy despite the night spent tossing and turning.

As you stretched languidly, your ample breasts squished together enticingly. Ranpo felt an overwhelming urge to reach out and cup the supple mounds in his hands, to feel your soft flesh against his palms. His eyes travelled lower, taking in the tantalizing expanse of smooth skin, until they landed on an unexpected sight - intricate tattoos adorning your body in various suggestive places. The dark ink stood out in stark contrast to your skin tone. Ranpo felt a hot blush creeping up his neck at the provocative body art.

"Great, now I'm cold," you pouted, looking up at Ranpo through your lashes. He shook his head in disbelief. Even disheveled and halfway to a hangover, you still managed to look drop-dead gorgeous... and to frustrate the hell out of him with your antics.

"Deal with it. Now let's goooo," Ranpo whined, beginning to turn away before his body betrayed his increasing arousal at the alluring sight of you.

"Nah, I'm good here," you replied nonchalantly. Reaching over to your nightstand, you pulled out a half-empty pack of cigarettes and a lighter. In one fluid motion, you slid a cigarette between your full lips and flicked the lighter to life, taking a long drag.

Quick as a flash, Ranpo snatched the cigarette from your mouth and crushed the flimsy pack in his fist. "Fukuzawa told you not to smoke anymore," he reprimanded, coughing and swatting at the tendrils of smoke you blew in his face.

Unperturbed, you maintained a deadpan expression as you reached under the mattress and pulled out one of several hidden packs stashed there. Ranpo caught a glimpse of something else under the bed - was that a vibrator? He blushed even deeper as he registered what the long, purple object was.

Lighting up a new cigarette, you took a deep drag, relishing the burn in your lungs and the lightheaded rush that followed. Sighing in resignation, Ranpo slumped onto the bed next to you, head hanging in defeat. "I give up," he pouted.

"The cigs... are they really that good?" Ranpo asked after a moment, curiosity getting the better of him. You shrugged, not particularly keen to get into your reasons for smoking, especially this early in the morning.

"Can I try it?" You raised an eyebrow at his request. Mr. Sweet Tooth wanting to try a cigarette? This should be interesting.

"Sure, knock yourself out," you replied, handing it over. Ranpo took it eagerly, placing it between his lips and inhaling deeply... only to promptly break out in a fit of coughing and sputtering.

"When I said knock yourself out, I didn't mean literally," you laughed, springing up to rub his back soothingly.

"It's so spicy! Why do you even like these things?" Ranpo rasped out between coughs, clutching at his throat. You flopped back down, considering his question but unwilling to voice the real reasons your addiction had taken hold.

"C'mere," you purred instead, crooking a finger at him. Ranpo leaned in close, his breath catching in his throat as he hovered over you. Your fingers slid into his hair, gripping the back of his head as you pulled him in even nearer until your faces were mere inches apart. Maintaining eye contact, you took another drag from the cigarette, holding the smoke in your mouth.

You traced his bottom lip with your fingertip and he compliantly opened up for you, his tongue peeking out eagerly. Tightening your grip on his hair, you angled his head and slowly blew the smoke directly into his waiting mouth. Ranpo's emerald eyes flew open wide before the pupils blew out with desire. His hands braced on either side of your head as he unconsciously leaned in closer, seeking more of your intoxicating essence.

Releasing him, you dropped your head back against the pillow with a smirk. "How was that?"

It took Ranpo a minute to shake off his lust-induced haze and regain the power of speech. A matching smirk slowly spread across his face as an idea took hold. "You know, maybe we shouldn't go in to work after all..."

#bsd x reader smut #bsd smut #bsd x reader #bsd #bungou stray dogs smut #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs #ranpo smut #bsd ranpo #ranpo edogawa #ranpo x reader #ranpo x reader smut

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ellieluvr420 · 1 month

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𝐆𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥

synopsis: A guardian angel getting wrapped up with the human she was supposed to be protecting, a double-edged sword bound to hurt. The memory of you, your calming presence in a time where everything was hanging in the balance haunted her. All she craved was to see you again. She was addicted, obsessed. She needed you in every way but you only appeared in her mind, you were never part of reality. You were her saviour, the blood running through her veins, all she wanted was you, that was all she would ever want.

TW: 13.6k words (be warned), SUICIDAL IDEATIONS AND ATTEMPTS, SPEWING OF GUTS (vomiting), DEPRESSIVE EPISODES

I highly recommend listening to this when it comes up in the fic btw!

divider creds

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

It was quiet, too quiet, like any sound that would’ve filled the almost-silence had been annihilated, there was nothing but white for miles in any direction, so pure and untouched it almost covered the sinister behind it. Her eyes fluttered open and the hazy figure above her came into view, the only interruption to the vast, white nothingness.

“W-where am I?” She croaked to the smiling, almost-glowing figure above her. Her eyes blinking open only made you glow more, like with each breath she took dragging her closer to consciousness, it brightened the golden energy radiating off of you.

“Shhh it’s okay, you’re going to be fine. Don’t panic, everything will be okay. You need to be more careful Abby.” Your voice was melodic, a pitch-perfect harmony to her ears that echoed around her, bouncing off of nothing and hitting her ears over and over again. She cracked her eyes open just enough to make out your face, your shining, radiant face littered with golden speckles that almost resembled freckles. There were golden streaks throughout your hair that sparkled in a light she couldn’t pinpoint the location of. Your skin was smooth, like feathers running over her skin as you cupped her cheeks. It was as if the pain that ached and ebbed throughout her entire body was being sucked away from her through your gentle touch, your hands gently glowing and warming on her cheeks. Your face was streaked with tears, golden, shiny, iridescent tears flowing down your cheeks, juxtaposing the beaming smile of your pearly teeth, peeking out from the plump softness of your lips. You were so inviting, so comforting, she didn’t even think to panic, she just wanted to stay here with you.

“Who are you?”

“That’s not important, you’re almost there.” Your words were cryptic, enchanting, she hung onto every word, paralysed by the awe of your beauty. “Don’t waste this gift, Abby.” The last thing she heard you say before you leant down and pressed your lips to hers, exactly as soft as she imagined. You breathed life into her, breathed pure energy into her tired muscles, she felt her organs buzzing to life again, felt her body warm and as her eyes flashed open she was greeted by wings sprouting from your back, wings almost the size of you delicately flittering in the air before coming down and cocooning you both in their safety. The soft, white feathers tickling at her skin, her nerve cells registering every little flick.

Her eyes fluttered closed again, the sound of you humming slowly causing her to drift off into sleep, pictures of you swarming through her mind, your voice still softly ringing in her ears until everything went black and all went quiet once again.

“She’s waking up! She’s waking up, get the doctor!” A shrill voice compared to yours, it stung her ears and boiled her blood. There were bright lights seeping in through her slowly opening eyes but not like the warm glow that you exuded, harsh, fluorescents banging at her skull. She groaned as the pain that you had sucked away from her came rushing back but worse than she had felt it before.

“Hello Miss Anderson, you gave us quite a scare, there’s going to be a bright light just relax.” Latex covered fingers dragging her tired eyes open and shining streams of light into her eyes, she gasped and groaned and then the fingers disappeared, replaced by a cool circle on her chest. She felt like she had been abducted by aliens with the way she was being poked and prodded but all she could think about was the image of you, kneeled over her, your warm hands cupping her cheeks, the feathered appendages shrouding her and enclosing you both in. The gold littered all over your appearance. She thought it was a dream, but it felt too real, her cheeks were still warm from your touch when she pressed a hand to them, a bruised hand. The sight of her hand and arm littered with scrapes and cuts, an IV in one, purple and black splotches replacing the ivory tone of her skin. She had been riding her motorbike one second and the next she was with you, all she wanted was to be with you again, the quiet calmness of your aura. But now she was here, in a hospital, head pounding and body throbbing with not a memory of how she had ended up here.

“What happened?” She croaked, her voice hoarse and raspy.

“You were in a crash, been in a coma for a couple of days. You really scared us, for a minute we thought we had lost you.”

“My- my bike.” She whispered to herself, a Harley Davidson gifted to her by her late father.

“Just focus on getting better love.” The nurse soothed but her voice was like nails on a chalkboard, all of their voices were because they weren’t yours. Had you been with her after the crash? Maybe her memory of you was just a hallucination created by her traumatised head, maybe you had been a person that came to her when she crashed. But you had kissed her, she felt the life being breathed back into her, the wings, your hands, you couldn’t be human, you were too perfect to be human. “Don’t try to move okay, just relax.” The shrill voice sounded again, she hadn’t planned too, she just laid there, shut her eyes and tried to take herself back to you.

She slept a lot for the first week, only waking slightly when the routine checks were done on her, the morphine kept her lulled and comfortable, but it wasn’t the comfort she felt with you, so it wasn’t right. She stayed unconscious for almost all hours of the day, sometimes she was lucky enough to be graced with dreams of you, but they were never as good as the first time, never as real as the first time. The white of the landscape was never as white, the warmth of your hands was never as warm and the kiss of your lips against hers was never as soul-stirring. Sometimes she’d dream of her dad gifting her the Harley, dreamt of his heartbroken face at the news of it being destroyed. She’d always wake with a sob, a choked cry that constricted her chest and made it hard to breathe over the lump in her throat. She had cried for hours one night, restless from being laid up in bed and the slowly decreasing levels of morphine in her system making it harder for her to sleep, so she just cried softly, letting the tears roll from the corners of her eyes and into her hair. She felt hopeless, completely lost until a soft hand grazed her cheek, a hand radiating so much warmth, a slight glow catching in the corner of her hazy vision. Her head whipped to the side to see you sat on the edge of her bed, cupping her cheek with one hand, the other holding onto her hand that was closest to you, rubbing circles into it with your thumb. She stared, wide-eyed and dazed as you smiled, the golden streaks of your hair and the speckles littering your nose and cheeks sparkled under the harsh beam of the hospital room lighting.

“It’s- It’s you.”

“Shh, I don’t have much time, I’m not supposed to be here.”

“I don’t unders-”

“Abby, I need you to fight. I know you can, you need to fight to get better or you won’t. I know it seems hopeless, I can hear your thoughts, but it will get better. You’ll get better but you can’t give up. Please don’t give up.” Your voice was soft but firm and still it rang out like a symphony, the more you held her, the less despair ran through her veins. She watched as your hands glowed and tingled against hers, you were doing it again, taking away all her pain and anguish. Tears slipped from her eyes, and you came to ease them away. “Don’t cry now, you’ll be okay, promise me you’ll fight.” She couldn’t deny you, she couldn’t even think to deny you, the only thought bouncing around her sore head was that she’d do it for you, because you had asked her to. You smiled, it was radiant and gleamed like a diamond under sunlight as you leant down and kissed her cheek, leaving a burning spot of heat in your lips’ trail. “I knew you’d understand.” Her thoughts raced around her head at that, you could hear what she was thinking, her cheeks reddened, and she hid from your gaze knowing you knew what she thought of you. “I think you’re perfect too.” You whispered in her ear, your breath tickling her skin and causing goose bumps to raise all over her. With a final firm squeeze of her hand you were gone, she blinked, and she was all alone again, your warmth replaced by a cold that sent a shiver down her spine. You were gone as quickly as you came just like before and it only left her needing more, she craved you, craved your sweet scent, your loving gaze, your consolatory gaze. You were an angel, figuratively and physically, the fluttering wings on your back that were so big she imagined they’d drag on the floor when you walked were a testament to that.

She felt lighter after your visit, even in your absence, she felt less weighed down by the resurge of grief for her father running through her veins, less panicked about the future and what’s to come, resilience replacing the despair.

She learned she was hit by a drunk driver, that he got off almost completely unscathed while she was trapped in a hospital bed barely able to sit up on her own. She had extensive internal bleeding, a fracture to her left wrist, three broken ribs and a hefty concussion, he had scrapes and bruises, it boiled her blood until a quiet voice in the back of her mind told her he’d get his comeuppance when he was sentenced in court. It quieted the screaming rage flowing through her, dulled it down to a simmer and silently she thanked you, somehow, she just knew it was you, the voice of reason, of support. The doctors had said she was lucky, that a crash of that magnitude, on a motorbike no less, could’ve killed her, but the more they said she was lucky, the less lucky she felt. She was restless and aching to feel the breeze brush her hair over her skin and tickle her nose, she missed sunlight, natural, warm sunlight, especially now it reminded her of you. When she looked in the mirror for the first time since the accident she was horrified, her skin was pale, green and brown remnants of bruises making her feel like she was mouldy. Her cheeks and eyes were sunken in and the darkness under her eyes spread down to the apples of her cheeks, craters that she felt like she could fall into. Her hair was matted and frizzy, the grease in it making her want to chop it all off, she looked frail and weak and the complete opposite of how she typically looked. She could already feel her muscles decaying away, it was obvious to her when she looked in the mirror. Tears sprouted in her eyes, a choked cry caught in her throat as she pressed a shaky hand to her mouth but as she stared and grew to despise herself more, she remembered your words. I think you’re perfect too. You thought she was perfect, even like this, a fraction of what she used to be, you thought she was perfect.

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

When Abby was released from the hospital two weeks later, Manny coming to pick her up, she felt like she had been freed, she stood on the pavement just soaking in the sunlight, letting the breeze force goosebumps onto her skin, she would’ve walked home if it wasn’t for her injuries. Even in the car, she had her head out of the fully opened window like a dog, garnering strange looks that didn’t faze her in the slightest. She watched as people went about their daily lives, milling about, rushing to their destinations, she wondered if any of them realised how quickly life can be taken away, how in the blink of an eye what was once a life, a person, a soul could be shredded into nothing, a memory that would soon be forgotten in history.

“You okay Abs?” Manny sounded concerned; she had never been this quiet before in the time he had known her.

“I’m okay, just happy to be out of that prison.” He snorted at her words.

“You would not survive a day in a real prison.”

“I’d make prison my bitch.”

“Sure, sure.”

“Whatever.” She sniped at his sarcastic remark with a small grin. She looked back out the window and her heart hammered in her chest as she thought she saw you standing on the pavement, smiling at her, a quick flash of pure light, she spun in her seat trying to see you again as they whizzed past and groaned at the sudden, foreign movement.

“What are you doing? You’re gonna hurt yourself.”

“Jeez sorry dad.” He huffed. “Just thought I saw someone.” She muttered almost to herself, Manny blissfully ignorant as he hummed along to the tune playing through the car's speakers, she leaned forward slowly and turned up the music, ‘Heaven’ by Depeche Mode spilling out into the car. She never really listened to the words of a song, mainly liking them for the tune or their beat but as she listened to the lyrics they struck her, resonated with her, settled in her soul and entwined themselves with every part of you, making a home and laying in her to never be forgotten.

Take comfort in my skin

Endlessly

Surrender to my will

Forever and ever

She didn’t hear the male voices singing the song, she heard yours, as if you were serenading her. She could picture you, hovering over her, cupping her cheeks and singing to her, the only people in the world were you and her, you had her entranced, trapped in her mind as she surrendered herself to you and all your virtue.

I dissolve in trust

I will sing with joy

I will end up dust

I’m in heaven

Now she was singing back to you, a conversation in melodies, devoting herself to you, declaring her undying love and trust to you. The golden specks that dusted your face glistened and seemed to glow brighter, as did the streaks in your hair as your wings enclosed you both, you leaned in, hanging onto her every word, glowing brighter with each one.

I stand in golden rays

Radiantly

I burn a fire of love

Over and over

You joined in, a siren song, hypnotising her, the words meant something different to each of you. Abby bathed in your light, igniting her love for you. You, the light, the sun, smiling as you sang about yourself though your face changed when you began the third line, golden tears shimmering over your cheeks. She didn’t understand why you were sad, but she couldn’t bare it, even the way you cried was beautiful, but it still struck her that you were sad. Why did her love make you sad? Was it her love you were singing about?

Reflecting endless light

Relentlessly

I have embraced the flame

Forever and ever

You were quiet now, covering the sadness in your expression with a smile that didn’t reach your eyes. She was almost begging you to just sing with her, she just wanted to hear your voice. But you didn’t, you just gazed at her, she needed you to beam that addictive smile as she chanted how she would be yours forever, but it never came, you only cried more, flaxen tears falling onto her face, the shimmering catching in her eyeline. You pursed your lips, and let the tears fall, gently rubbing them into Abby’s cheeks with your thumbs, letting your tears rejuvenate her pale skin and give it a faint shimmer.

I will scream the word

Jump into the void

I will guide the world

Up to heaven

Abby’s words had you shaking your head subtly, but enough that her eyebrows furrowed, confusion and fear written all over her face until your hands started to glow. You never let her feel a despondent emotion, always baring the weight of them so she would feel lighter. Her eyes fluttered shut, every muscle in her body relaxed, even when she felt the silky press of your lips against hers, there was no shock, just pure light rushing through her, her hand coming to cup your cheek and swipe at the tears dampening it. Her bottom lip nestled between yours as she gently sucked, colliding over and over again, her hand that was on your cheek coming to gentle brush over the feathers that grew from your back, they twitched under her hand, each one raising to lean into her delicate touch, a small gasp being swallowed by Abby’s lips before you pull away and retract your wings from her touch. You looked culpable as you avoided her starstruck gaze, swallowing a weep despite the tears still flowing down your cheeks.

“What’s wrong-” She tried to ask you, but you weren’t there anymore, she was back in the car driving through Seattle with Manny on her way home. She was clutching at the feeling, the memory but it was slipping through her fingers with every second, confined to only her mind once again as she failed to will herself back to you.

“Hey, Abby, where’d you go?” Manny’s voice sounds like a screech in her ears and she winced.

“Huh?”

“I’ve been tryna get your attention and you were just zoned the fuck out. You sure you didn’t fuck up your head?”

“Oh, fuck you.” She forced a laugh, but it felt so foreign as she was haunted by the sorrow on your face.

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

It had been three months since Abby’s accident and despite her body slowly recovering, her mental health was dwindling. She hadn’t seen you since the car ride home from the hospital and it was killing her. She dreamt of you every night, but the dreams were never the same as her conscious encounters with you, the dreams were hazy and blurred, your face never fully coming into focus, the glow emanating from you never quite right.

Abby was walking through the streets of Seattle, a slight drizzle pattering down onto her, she found herself going on walks more and more often, she was on edge not being able to train or work, every day she bared to look in the mirror she swore she was seeing her muscles slowly dissipate, she was shrinking before her very eyes and it scared her, all her hard work over the years being washed away in a matter of months, so she’d walk for as long as she could before her body ached and her lungs burned. Her earphones were blasting ‘Heaven’ on repeat at full volume as they had been ever since the first time she heard it, she prayed it would bring you back to her, but it never did. You had abandoned her and she was spiralling. She walked, her face angled towards the ground, until she noticed the pavement had been closed off ahead of her. She huffed and turned towards the road and as she went to step out, she felt a hand on her arm yanking her back. The second she looked up a large lorry rushed past her, fast enough she would have been flattened in an instant had she taken that step, her heart jumped and when she turned to face the person that had saved her from impending doom, she was greeted by your unimpressed face.

“Didn’t anyone ever teach you to look both ways before you cross the road?” Her music was still thumping in her ears but she heard you perfectly, your voice cutting through all the background noise. She was awestruck as she stared back at you, she thought you’d never appear before her again, but you were standing right beside her, blurring the bustling city that raged on around you both. “You’re quite a handful you know.” Her cheeks heated under your pointed gaze as she willed her eyes away from you and to the ground.

“Sorry.” She was ashamed, she had almost forsaken the gift you had given her, the one you specifically said not to waste and she almost squandered it because she was too busy being frustrated at road works and frustrated at you for wrapping her round your pinkie and then disappearing.

“You’re lucky I like you.” She spared a glance at your face only to see the pearly white smile she had missed, that she had craved to see. “Your song was beautiful. You have a lovely voice.” She hadn’t noticed you sweeping closer to her until your breath hit her ear as you whispered into it before pulling away again to giggle at her stunned expression.

“That was real?” She breathed out, it felt real, so real, when she had got home that day she noticed a faint shimmer to her skin but she needed to hear it from you regardless.

“Well as real as it can be. I was there if that’s what you mean.”

“Are you there in my dreams?”

“Do you think I am?” Your question gave her the answer she already knew despite praying she was wrong.

“I don’t understand. Why are my dreams different?”

“I don’t control your dreams, they’re a product of your mind. There’s no need for me to be in your dreams so I’m not.” That look flashed over your face again, the same look she had seen when you pulled away from kissing her, guilt. She looked around to see if anyone was marvelling at you but no one was, no one batted an eye, so you weren’t really here, you weren’t in reality. If you were the wings that brushed against the pavement would have anyone stopping in their tracks, so only she could see you, part of her revelled in that fact, that you were hers and only hers, but it only reminded her more that you weren’t real, weren’t human.

“Why did you show up in the car?”

“I shouldn’t have.” You winced at the memory, the heartache that reverberated through you, it was an unfamiliar feeling, one that swallowed you, drowned you in its embrace. You barely glowed that week, the gold in your hair and splatter across your face was dull and lifeless. Your hands were colder than you ever remembered them being and your wings lost more feathers than you could count, you deteriorated as Abby grew stronger but to Abby you were as radiant as you had ever been. “I can’t stay, I’ve already been here too long. Stop wasting my gift.”

“Wait, please-” Abby pleaded for you to stay, to make sense of all this for her but you couldn’t, you needed to lay down, you were tired and hearing her thoughts was only worsening your condition. With a blink of her eyes, you were gone and the music in her earphones was suddenly full volume again, her surroundings coming into focus, the constant stream of cars, horns echoing in the distance, the tall buildings that felt like they were caging her in, making her feel claustrophobic and short for breath, people pushing past her and mumbling about the weather, the rain had turned from a. drizzle to a downpour and she hadn’t noticed, hadn’t noticed her clothes clinging to her body as they became heavier with each droplet absorbing into them. She balled up her fists and shoved them into her pockets while storming home. She was tired, she just wanted to sleep, to see you again, even if it wasn’t really you.

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Abby was lying on the ground, the concrete scratching her back, every inch of her throbbing, there were sirens and so many overlapping voices she could barely make out what was going on. She was utterly disoriented, and panic rose within her as she realised the familiarity of the scene, she looked to her side and saw her bike, completely savaged laying on the road in pieces, then a light caught the corner of her eye and she turned to face it with a smile. Your face greeting her, smiling shyly though there was something manic in your nature, the glow around you pulsing.

“You’re here.” She whispered as a singular tear slipped from her right eye.

“I’m here.” Your hands cupped her cheeks like they often did and you brushed your nose against hers. You had guarded so many humans in the eternity of your being but there was no one like her, nothing like her, she made you take risks that you knew could lead to your condemnation, just so you could see her, feel her, the light inside you entwining with her soul.

“But I’m dreaming.”

“I know but I missed you.”

“You missed me?”

“I always do.”

“Why?”

“You’re special.” Your voice rang out, a melody perfectly tuned for her ears. Your words sweeter than honey dripping off your lips, it made her crave your lips against hers again, the sweetness, the silky pillows that consumed her every thought. You beamed, her thoughts clear as day in your mind, each one more satisfying to the next, she was a risk, a threat to your existence but she was entirely too good to give up. You leaned forward and pressed your lips to hers, absolving her of the pain she felt the first time, light rushing through her until she opened her eyes and saw the same glow that emanated from you, encompassing her body. You pulled away to observe what she had seen, your eyes widening, the sparkly white of your sclera shimmering in the city lights. You had no words, you had made her glow like you did and it stunned you. “I- I have to go soon.” You squeaked as the glow around her dulled slightly.

“Why?”

“You’re going to wake up soon, it’s not safe.”

“W-what do you mean?”

“They’ll know I’m here if you wake up.”

“Who’s they?”

“Never mind that, stay inside tomorrow, there’s going to be a storm.”

“H-” You hushed her before you could speak by pressing your lips to hers again, you were insatiable, never able to get enough of her, but never able to take too much, it was torture, a strange feeling blooming inside you that you had never experienced, you could never describe it, it just was, it festered inside you growing worse with every encounter you had with her, desperate for more, desperate for your undoing. Abby melted into you, hands coming around your waist to brush against the feathered appendages that were twitching and fluttering. Her gentle strokes over them only coaxing them closer to her touch, that same breathy whimper left your lips, floating into hers at her touch before you craned your neck inwards, your forehead pressing against her lips that puckered and painted the skin with flaxen prints in the shape of her lips, your skin her canvas and her lips the brush, her fingers came to graze against the skin between the wings, tracing the indent between them eliciting a squeak before you bolted upright, ripping away from her touch. You swiftly rushed a hand over her eyes, and she was trapped into slumber, dragged away from you until her eyes fluttered open and her bedroom came into focus once again. She sat up, noticing the faintest luminescence of her skin and the burning heat pooling in her cheeks. She pressed tentative fingers to her lips and smiled softly, you smiled too as you watched, listening to her thoughts.

I miss you. Please come back.

Her last sentence saddened you, she had no idea the risk you had taken to see her when she sang to you, you had to be more careful, you had to show restrain though it pained you. You had never felt pain before her, but even the pain you felt for her, it was still overshadowed by the ecstasy that cascaded through you in her presence.

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Abby sat on her sofa reading ‘Oranges are not the only fruit’ by Jeanette Winterson, she had started reading it before her accident but hadn’t the energy or focus to pick it up since, her dream that you had visited her in was the sole catalyst for her return to it, suddenly feeling compelled to lose herself in the story. She only thought of you while reading, the sorrow in your features that day, your cryptic messages speaking of emotions long forbidden, how you kissed her like every kiss would be the last. Faint patters sounded against her window, starting softly, until they were repeatedly hammering against the glass, begging for entry, a storm, as you had said, a storm that made it hard to see in front of you from the torrential downpour and flurrying mist whipping up from the ground, the clouds closing in on the city, creeping further and further down as they blackened. It was five o’clock, it was always around this time when Abby would get restless, would spiral into a downfall of grief and panic, the uncertainty of her future, her lack of control on her life dawning on her, this was always when she’d leave the house in a hurry, desperate to escape the confines of her home that suffocated her, but she hadn’t today because of your warning, your captivating voice sounding in her head on repeat. It only made her crave you more, desperate to feel your touch, gaze upon your angelic face, taste the sweetness of your lips, she was tormented by her memories of you and her lack of control over when you came, though something clicked into place, you came to her the first time to breathe life back into her after her accident, you saved her from the lorry, you guarded her from danger, protected her and nursed her back to health, you were her saviour, she needed to be saved to see you.

No Abby.

Your voice, in her head, pleading softly, wrestling with the bellowing voices telling her to walk outside into the storm. She ignored you, she was determined, she slammed the book down and walked to her front door, slipping on her trainers but forgoing a coat, her hand reached for the doorknob as yours appeared, clamping over hers and dragging it away, interlacing your fingers with hers and tempting her back to the warm, safety of her living room. No matter how many times she drank in your features, the shock of your allure always silenced her, even the crease between your eyebrows as you frowned at her was entrancing, every golden speckle scintillating in its own rhythm, each feather quivering independently, your features had a mind of their own, each one alive as the next. Your hair swayed as if there was a gentle breeze as you led her back to her sofa.

“Why would you do that Abby?”

“I had to see you.” I needed you. Her thoughts weren’t as jumbled as they often were, the background chatter stifled to a gentle hum, you wished it wasn’t this way, that they were screaming and crashing over one another like waves in a turbulent tide but when you needed to not hear her sweet, painful thoughts, they were clear as day, titillating and tempting in the worst way.

“You can’t do that, you can’t just conjure me up.”

“But you’re here, aren’t you?”

“You’re not being fair, I- We can’t do this, it’s forbidden, you can’t put yourself in danger to bring me to you, they’ll find out eventually, you need to stop Abby.”

I don’t understand.

“I know you don’t but you’re playing with forces that you cannot begin to perceive. Please just- you need to stop.” A glimmering tear fell from your left eye as both of your hands wrapped around the one you had been holding and delicately squeezed, the heat radiating from them causing her to look down and see the glow building between your soft flesh and hers.

“Stop doing that!” She snatched her hand away as more tears built to a crescendo and streamed down your cheeks. “Y-you never let me feel the bad things, maybe if you did, I wouldn’t need you so much.” She snapped.

“I-it's what I’m supposed to do.” You didn’t look at her, only your glowing palms that were dulling by the second, your voice meek and strangled.

“And you’re supposed to come into my dreams and kiss me, sing to me, let me touch you?”

“I shouldn’t have.” You said it so bluntly, it tore through her, caused her more pain than she had felt after her accident, and she knew you felt it too by the way you instinctively reached out for her. Her step away from you causing you to retract more as you silently wept. How could someone make crying such a beautiful action, mesmerising in its own cruel way. You were right, it wasn’t fair, to be faced with such radiant heavenliness and not be able to have it, it made her angry, the rage boiling up inside of her, making her skin tingle as her nostrils flared.

Go. Her eyes clamped shut as she turned her face to the floor and when they cracked open, she was alone, the hammering of the rain the only sound in the room. She had quietly hoped you’d stay but her blaring begs for you to leave overshadowed that small glimmer of hope and you were gone without a trace, the dull, lifeless room seizing her breath from her lungs and drowning her in the darkness she succumbed to when you weren’t there.

She yanked the book off her coffee table and hurled it at the wall, a guttural cry escaping her lips as hot, salty tears raced from her eyes. She groaned at the pain in her abdomen as she collapsed to the ground onto her knees, nose brushing against the floor, she wished she had never seen you, never felt your touch, that she had died in that accident because anything would have been better than the agonising torment she felt in this moment, she prayed for the sky to collapse on her, crush her under its thumb into dust, disintegrate her soul into nothing if it meant she never had to feel again. She stayed on the floor all night, curling into herself and passing into slumber that only tormented her still.

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

You were so close to her yet so far, just out of arms reach though she could never catch you no matter how she chased. She stumbled and tripped but she never stopped pursuing you. You didn’t run, you weren’t frantic like she was, you sauntered and swayed away from her, your twitching wings dragging behind you leaving a trail of feathers in your wake, more and more detaching and floating to the ground the further you walked until there were no feathers left, only the bare bones of your wings, they curled round you and you stopped, Abby’s feet being glued to the ground despite her futile efforts to free herself and close the distance.

You let out a bloodcurdling cry, the depths of despair heralding from within you. It couldn’t be described as a cry, you were wailing and shrieking at the sight of your naked wings, your whole body trembling and draining of its iridescent shimmer until it was a pale grey. The sand under Abby’s feet grew cold, froze under her sending excruciatingly bitter chills through her body, her teeth chattered as her body shivered. Her limbs slowly growing numb as a swarming storm gathered above her head and unleashed its wrath upon the beach she found herself on. The waves that were once calmly lapping at the shore lashed at her legs, icy assaults on her that were unwavering and only increasing in their power, she could barely stand against the force of them, fighting to stay upright until she was knocked into the sand that stuck to every inch of skin it found. She called out to you as the water engulfed her, choking her with its fury, her calls to you deafened by the indignation of the landscape.

“DON’T YOU SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE?” You howled at her, finally facing her and displaying the gushes of thick, red pooling from your eyes and dripping down your neck, painting your figure crimson. You bawled as you collapsed onto your knees and lifted your face to the sky. Your scream thundered, echoed into nothingness as lighting struck down all around you both. Abby coughing and spluttering as the water invaded her lungs and froze her from the inside out.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” She called between torturous breaths, but her apologies fell on deaf ears, the claret pouring from your eyes harder. The last thing Abby saw was your decaying body stained with blood, your ruined wings curling around yourself as you begged for redemption, your face blurred and distorted before the water pulled her under, her consciousness being ripped away from you and sending her tumbling into the darkness of the never-ending ocean.

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Abby woke with a gasp, clutching at her throat as she desperately tried to force air into her lungs, her body burning from the memories of her dream, the pictures still playing on her mind in a loop. The rain hadn’t cleared, it had only worsened, relentlessly pounding against her window with a might. She groaned and stretched her aching body before standing and rushing to the shower, she was trembling like a leaf in the wind, her skin cold to the touch, she turned the dial to the hottest it would go and waited the interminable minutes for steam to waft into the compact room so she could force herself under the burning waterfall and draw the warmth back to her skin. She let the shower muffle her sobs as she fought the nausea squeezing at her insides until it became too much, and she leaped towards the toilet to violently empty her guts into the bowl. Each hurl racking her body more, her throat stung and clenched causing her to gasp for breaths as tears flowed freely from her eyes. Her head throbbed and her vision was pulsating as she slammed herself against the wall pressing her face into her hands. Every feeling, every emotion, every sound and sight felt so real, she couldn’t shake the pounding of her heart, it was punishment, her punishment for banishing you so harshly that now when she needed you the most you were nowhere to be found, she strained to hear your comforting voice in her head but there was nothing, only your deafening wails.

Please come back. I need you, I’m sorry. Please come back.

You didn’t, you stayed hidden from her, hiding in plain sight, observing with matching tears, your hands itched to reach for her but you couldn’t, you kept them wrapped around you tightly, embracing yourself to keep from embracing her, the glow emanating from you barely a shimmer.

₊.˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

It had been three days since Abby had seen you, since she had viciously lashed out at you, every time she pictured it, your downturned face barely hiding the scintillating tears, each time she recalled it she only imagined herself as more and more cruel. Manny picked her up to take her to physiotherapy and failed to hide his shock at her dishevelled state, looking her up and down with wide eyes filled with concern, she noticed a flash of pity though he was better at hiding that.

He kept sneaking glances at her in the car as she remained quiet and still, never looking away from the window where rain continued to pour as it had for the past three days, tumultuous reminders of that day and the hell that followed her into her dreams. She had had the same nightmare every night, stuck in an endless loop that sent her straight to the bathroom to throw up until her head felt like it would explode. She barely ate anymore knowing it would all come straight back up in the morning, she was deteriorating, and you watched, you always watched.

The opening notes of ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ by Joy Division played, the upbeat tune a sardonic juxtaposition to the words that she found herself relating to in a way that made her so ashamed she wanted to shrivel into nothing. She bit at her cheek and willed the tears to stay in her eyes until the song finally ended after a harrowing three minutes and twenty-six seconds, breathing a sigh of relief as the song faded to quiet. Her muscles relaxed until the opening notes of ‘Heaven’ by Depeche Mode started playing and she felt like the wind had been knocked out of her.

“Hm that’s weird.” Manny’s voice broke through the ringing in Abby’s ears.

“What?” She questioned, snapping almost.

“This song isn’t on this playlist.” Her throat closed and her vision blurred, her fists clenched until her knuckles turned white, her lip bitten into so hard she tasted the iron of her blood. She focused on the road ahead, pleading her vision to refocus. The second it did though, she clamped her eyes shut again as she noticed a golden, glimmering hue to the rain, reflecting the minimal light the way your tears did, the sound of your sobs deafening her. She lunged forward and pressed the skip button as the familiar tune only acted as a backdrop to your wails, the lump in her throat making it hard to breathe. Manny shot her a look at her odd behaviour that made her feel like she was under a microscope.

“I hate that song.”

“Damn, it’s so good, you’ve got bad taste.” He quipped with a snort.

“It’s depressing.” Her voice was gruff and strained, she barely sounded like herself, she just needed you to make everything feel okay again, but you were only sending her reminders that you wouldn’t do that, you couldn’t.

Please come back. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

It was the same every day, wake up with a choked sob, a gut-wrenching despair and panic nesting within her, throw up until she felt like she had purged the memories of her sleep, though they never really went, wallow in her pit of sorrow until the sun went down and sleep would take her again, sometimes she’d force food down her throat when her stomach cramped and she could barely stand without dizzying, the never-ending downpour barely noticeable anymore. Manny called to check in on her, so did Nora but their calls went unanswered as she degenerated into a state of depression that was so deep, she no longer saw an escape, the darkness closing in on her without your light to guide her through. She had been like this when her father passed away but now she realised you were guiding her out of it, slowly baring the weight of her grief, now she was all alone, left to fend for herself against an enemy she cannot fight.

She sat at her breakfast bar pushing around some food with her fork, failing to force herself to eat. It felt like too much effort, everything felt like too much effort, breathing was too hard, sometimes having to remind herself to, sometimes choosing to hold it until her vision blackened around the edges and she felt lightheaded, her body throbbing.

You need to eat, Abby.

Your voice, your perfect but melancholy voice echoing through her head. A tear sprung from her right eye before more fell until there was a waterfall streaming down her cheeks, pure, unfiltered relief washing over her that you had you had come back, even if it was to scold her, it was something. Anything was better than the radio-silence she had been subjected to for the past week.

“I missed you. I’m sorry.” She whispered, her voice cracking and nasally. She waited for a response, her food went cold waiting, the clock on her kitchen wall counted three hours that she had waited, frozen, for you to say something before she dragged herself back to her room, the small amount of food she had pushed down in the hopes it would bring you back, irritating her stomach and aching inside of her.

She laid in bed, sleep never taking over her body, still wide awake at three in the morning. The repetitive ticking of her clock driving her further into insanity until she sat up, she felt like she was watching herself from outside of her body as she floated from her bed to the front door of her home, slipping on her trainers and exiting the deafeningly quiet home into the unforgiving storm that had raged for a week without relent.

She watched herself walk and walk, all the way to Discovery Park on Puget Sound, where she stood at the edge of a cliff as the sun began peaking over the horizon casting everything in a warm, orange hue. The front of her trainers hung over the edge of the cliff, the vertigo-inducing height spiking her heart rate. Heights had always been her main weakness, sending her into a panic attack that had her heart palpitating, but the fear was quelled to a mild discomfort, her only thoughts you and the possibility of her seeing you again. The wind whistled past her ears as her drenched clothes clung to her diminished body. The view was other-worldly, the rain, glowing in the sunlight that barely passed through the dense, almost black clouds, she admired it, took in the view for the last time before she took a step.

Before she could topple over the edge, a pair of hands wrapped around her torso and yanked her back, landing on top of someone with a force that knocked the wind out of her.

“What the fuck-” She cursed as she squirmed in their grip to turn, immediately falling quiet at your resentful face glaring back at her. “You’re here.”

“Of course I’m here-” You were cut off by her lips pressing against yours with a fervour, igniting a fire in her that had long since been extinguished to ash.

“I’m so sorry, please take it away, please I’m begging you.” She whispered onto your lips, but your hands were already on her cheeks, glowing brighter than they ever had, like there was fire in your palms, embers of flaxen glittering on your skin that was radiating more with each passing second.

“Thank you.” She breathed out as a single tear fell from her right eye. You didn’t speak, too focused on unburdening her from the darkness that had loomed within her, so she leant forward and kissed you once more, a tender press of her chapped lips against your silky ones that took the last of her sorrow away. “I- Can you lay with me?” She noticed the hesitation painted over your features, panic rising in her. “Just for a little while.” You flashed a tight-lipped smile before nodding curtly, allowing Abby the comfort of resting her head on your chest and sighing as your arms and wings alike wrap round her, cradling her. She listened for your heartbeat, something that had always soothed her when she’d hug her father but there was nothing, dead-silence within until you giggled, the sound louder than thunder.

“I’m not human Abby, I don’t have a heart.”

“So what are you then?” You were physically holding onto her, you had physically dragged her back from the ledge, but you didn’t seem to have a body.

“Pixie magic and fairy dust.” You replied monotonously, a snort erupting from Abby at your sarcasm, it shocked her to hear it, you seemed too pure for sarcasm, it sounded strange coming from your lips. “I learnt it from you.” You answered her thoughts, the sentiment making her beam.

“Of course you did, but seriously?” She prompted you to give an honest answer to her question, desperate to understand more about you.

“I’m an amalgamation of light.”

“That makes sense.” She muttered eliciting a chuckle from you.

I’ve never met anyone that comes close to your beauty.

“So do you do what you do for me with other people?”

“No, you’re my only one. I’ve had other people since I’ve been around since the creation of light, but you only ever guard one at a time. You humans are a handful. Especially you.” Your feathers fluttered against her skin, knowing she was your only person filled her with joy, your feathers responding to that surge.

“Did you play Heaven in Manny’s car the other day?”

“Yes.”

“And the rain?”

“That was me too.” Your voice had a sadness to it at admitting your part in the rain, if only she knew all the tears you had shed, although part of you knew she did.

I missed you.

I missed you too.

With that, Abby sunk into a slumber that her body desperately needed, sinking into you and the warm embrace you enveloped her in, your wings acting as a blanket as the clouds cleared and the rain slowed to a drizzle until it stopped altogether allowing the sun’s bright glow to cast over the cliffside, illuminating the scenery to its full vibrancy. Nature springing to life and thriving as birds sang and a gentle breeze whistled through the long blades of grass you were situated on, resting both your weary bodies, your souls entwining and patching one another’s up.

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Your hand enclosed in hers, sand stretching for miles and enveloping her feet with every step you both took, warm, golden sand that mingles with the crystalline waves at the shore. The beach, but different, calm. She looked behind her to only see one set of footprints, hers but there was no trail of feathers following yours, your wings were plump and teeming with life as they twitched and quivered. You left no trail, weightless. It made her panic that you weren’t actually there and her hand that was wrapped in yours glowed, beamed with heat. She was entranced, just as much as the first time you did it until your free hand came to cup her cheek and pull her face up to meet yours.

Your incandescent face that was explicit, every flaxen speckle, every lustrous strand of hair in complete clarity, the softness of your lips obvious just from looking at them.

“I wanted to show you the beach how it’s supposed to be, I thought it might help your nightmares.” Your dulcet voice echoes, hits her ears over and over again. Your eyelashes that had sprouted golden spikes entangled with the others, fluffy and flittering as you beamed at her, the bright, blazing sun reflecting off of you and sending refracted light scattering around you both the way a disco ball would.

“It’s so beautiful, you’re so beautiful. I was so w-”

“Shh it’s okay, it wasn’t real, you know that, it wasn’t me there, it never has been. Your subconscious is a mean place, torturing you with things it knew would hurt. But I’m here now and isn’t it breathtaking?” You gestured to the serene landscape around you and she smiled in awe as she nodded. The sky was a pallet of pinks, oranges and purples. Clemetine stretching across the expanse to be occasionally laced with lavender etching itself into the sky with cherry blossom intertwining. Clouds that resembled candy floss few and far between. The breeze was warm, pressing ticklish kisses to Abby’s nose, caressing her face and running its fingers through her hair. The water that lapped at their feet completely translucent, the foam accumulating from the gush of waves the only colour that wasn’t. The water was cool but in a way that provides respite from the heat enveloping itself around you both. “Do you want to go in?” Your voice drew her out of her spell that the beach had casted to nod apprehensively at you, haunted by the memories of her previous encounters with the water. You released her hand to walk into the water, the creamy white gown that always cloaked your body dropping to your feet and laying abandoned as you saunter to the sea. Your form hidden by the cover of your wings.

Abby rushed to the button on her jeans but when she looked down she was already bare, exposed to your eyes that flashed over your shoulder with a small wink full of mischief. She followed after you, desperate to feel your skin on hers again but when your wings flapped, each feather rippling in sync before the wings rose to the sky, unfolding like delicate gossamer, your feathers catching the light as they stretch toward the heavens revealing the silky smoothness of the sparkling skin that encases the curve of your back, the plump roundness of your behind, sculpted by the heavens themselves. Your leg stretched and crossed over one another as you swayed to the water until it concealed you from the waist down where you turned back to her, beckoning her in with you with a wave of your hand.

She rushed towards you until she was stood inches away from your naked form, both drinking each other in, every curve, every line, every crease. Abby’s cheeks heated at the gesture until you slipped your hand in hers and walked her further in until she could no longer touch the floor of the ocean. You wrapped your legs around her waist and she felt entirely weightless, your wings that were held high above the water and flapping gently in the wind letting her float effortlessly.

Her hands brushed up and down the expanse of your back, tracing every inch, committing it to her memory until they landed on your waist running up the smooth skin of your stomach, stopping just under the supple flesh of your bosom. You gently guided her hand upwards to palm them, nodded at her to say it was okay and gasping at the subtle squeeze of her fingers moulding the soft flesh like clay. Her thumbs dragged over your perky nipples and sent shockwaves through you, your wings mimicking the excitement evident in your features, the quiet huffs that escaped your perfect lips drawing her in to press against them. The kiss was heavy with need, your lips parting to let her tongue collide with yours, to savour the saccharine honey that invited her in more. Your chest arched into her touch, pushing closer together as a hand came to your back, right between where your wings grew to push you in closer to her. It was tender, unexplored territory being tread lightly, your bodies floating on the same rhythm, each lap of your tongues painting a song made only for your ears. Your hands found purchase round her neck and brushed through her braid until her hair was freed for you to weave your fingers through and scratch at her scalp. Her lips left yours to litter your neck with kisses to your collarbones. Golden prints of her kisses etching themselves into your skin.

You hummed, the vibrations rippling the water and flowing through Abby causing a shiver to run down her spine. “Come here we don’t have long.” Your voice guiding her back to your lips, relishing in their warmth.

“I never wanna leave. Can’t we just stay here?” She whispered already knowing the answer.

“I wish it were that easy. You make me feel something I’ve never felt before, so many things. Thank you, Abby. You’ve shown me what it feels like to truly exist.” Your captivating voice murmured before pressing her cheek to your chest and smoothing down her hair, subduing her to silence as her breaths became deep and rhythmic.

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The sun poured into Abby’s bedroom, beckoning her eyes to flutter open, a smile plastered onto her face as she revelled in the comfort of her sheets. She didn’t remember getting home, falling asleep on the cliffside and finding herself back in the safety of her home that was brighter than it had been in the days prior. It was the first time she hadn’t woken up sick to her stomach in fits of hysterics. She pressed two fingers to her lips before licking at them slightly, your saccharine taste still lingering. Her hair was flowing freely over her pillows, and it shimmered slightly in the sun.

She stretched within the comfort of her bed before walking to her kitchen to make some breakfast, the emptiness in her stomach twisting slightly and causing rumbles to echo around her quiet home.

The sound of bacon cracking and sizzling interrupted the quiet, the smell wafting through the house and intensifying the rumbling of her stomach. She scrambled eggs and roasted some tomatoes util everything was ready for her to inhale, this meal being the first she had eaten to completion in a week.

She hummed with contentment as the aching in her stomach subdued and the tremoring of her body that had become natural to her subsided. She brushed a hand through her hair and noted the almost-crunchy waves lacing through it, she wanted to leave it, as a reminder but it felt knotted from her sleep and dried as saltwater had always made her hair feel so she took to the shower to restore it to its silky condition. As she waited for the water to heat, she messaged back Nora and Manny, each message full of apologies for her disappearance and assuring them that she was okay before she clicked on ‘Heaven’ on apple music and jumped into the warm embrace of the shower.

Memories of when she had sung to you interlaced with memories of the beach, every picture of your face deepening the smile lines around her lips. She could still feel your touch all over her like you had burned your fingerprints into her, she wished her skin showed your touch the way yours did, the outlines of her lips pressed into your skin, gold remnants shimmering under the sun. You were light, pure light and you exuded it in every sense of the word. She rubbed shampoo through her scalp until the salt was gone leaving only delicate, downy locks splaying over the expanse of her back. She treated the ends with conditioner and wove them into a bun at the base of her head while she rubbed her pine and cinnamon scented bodywash over her body, the pink under skin returning like it had never left.

Her phone rang as she finished washing the conditioner out of her hair, so she reluctantly turned the shower off, scared to miss any more concerned phone calls.

“Abby! You’re alive, I have some news.” Manny’s voice crackled on the other end of the line.

“You got a girl pregnant?” She quipped.

“Do you think I would sound so happy if I had? No, I’ve been talking to different mechanics about your bike and I’ve found someone who thinks they can fix it. She said it’s going to be a big job but she’s willing to try, she specialises in Harley’s. Want me to give her the go ahead?” A tear fell from her right eye as her body relaxed.

“Yes, yes oh my god. I’ll pay whatever I have to if she can fix my bike.”

“Okay chica, I’ll let her know and I’ll send you her number. You doing okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine, sorry for disappearing, you know how it is.”

“That I do, I’ll swing by yours later with takeout, Nora’s dying to see you too so expect some company.”

“Okay, thanks, I’ll see you later.” She hung up the phone as she laughed with relief, unable to comprehend that she might get her bike back, one of the last things her father had left her with before his passing.

Thank you.

She was sure, without a doubt, this was a gift from you, a promise that everything would be okay.

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

“Hi Alice! Oh, I missed you baby!” Abby cooed at the German Shepherd that was leaping at her, Manny and Nora standing behind smiling with takeout bags in their hands.

“Nice to know you’re more excited to see Alice than us.” Manny accused with a quirk of his eyebrow.

“I dunno why you’re surprised, you know she’s my favourite.” Abby quipped as she stepped aside to let them both in. Nora hugged her before squeezing her shoulders and taking in Abby’s features with an obvious look of pity despite today being the best Abby had looked. Her hair was down, partly hanging over her shoulders, the majority of it sweeping down her back, the left side tucked behind her ear. She wore a grey sweatshirt that hung off of her slightly now as her muscle mass had decreased since the accident with black baggy jeans that sat low on her hips. She looked well, just as buff as she typically did and she had come to terms with that fact until she could rebuild herself back to what she once was.

“I missed you girl.” Nora’s voice was soft as she smiled.

“Yeah I missed you too.”

“We couldn’t decide on what to get for food, so we got chinese and thai.”

“Even better.” Abby led them to the living room where they all settled on the sofa and began laying out the various dishes that had their mouths watering, the different aromas each complimenting each other and making Abby’s head spin with excitement. Alice crept into the room before pausing and growling at the corner where Abby’s TV wasn’t causing them all to chuckle in confusion. Alice remained planted in her place, her growls unwavering until she whined slightly and moved closer where she barked and her tail began to wag furiously. She nuzzled into the air, her tail wagging so fast she could’ve taken off into the air before curling up and dozing in the corner, her tail still wagging gently.

“Did you put some treats over there what the fuck? She’s always glued to our side even if we don’t have food.” Abby didn’t reply, instead staring at the corner in awe, she noticed the slightest shimmer in the air, almost completely invisible, and smiled knowing you were watching, soothing Alice the way you did her. She could picture you scratching behind the dog’s ears and humming serenely.

“Maybe she’s just tired of being around you fuck face.” Abby chuckled as she replied to Manny, the pink muscle of her tongue poking from between her teeth in a cheeky grin.

“Whatever, I bring you food and this is what I get.” He reaches forward and turns on the TV to find something to watch as Nora and Abby caught up.

“Oh my god I almost forgot to tell you. Mel’s pregnant.”

“No fucking way, has Owen ran for the hills?” Abby laughed, the sound music to your ears as you observed her enjoying her friends’ company, it warmed you to see her embracing life again, going back to how she had been before the accident, before your entanglement with her, eased the ache within you, an emotion that you couldn’t describe subsiding slightly from the powerful blaze that had roared through you throughout the week.

“No actually, he’s kinda stepped up, we were as shocked as you are.”

“Wow I’m really happy for them.” She genuinely beamed at the news, excitement flooding through her for them until something ugly picked its way through the glow of her joy, jealousy. Jealous that she could never have that with you, that she could never grow old with you, that your paths were not fated to cross like two humans were. She waited for your hands to take the suffocating feeling away but you didn’t, you let her seethe and wallow as Manny and Nora laughed at the TV only interrupted by a quiet whine from Alice that had her head snapping in your direction and glaring. The room felt colder all of a sudden, emptier, Alice moving from her corner to sit by Abby’s feet and that was an answer enough, you weren’t there anymore, you had left her with these vindictive feelings gnarling at her heart.

Abby stayed quiet for the rest of the night, speaking when she was spoken too but nothing more and nothing less, eager to keep her friends’ worried eyes off of her, to stop them from prying away at the walls she so painstakingly guarded. She eventually claimed tiredness and politely ushered them out the door with hugs goodbye and kisses to Alice’s nose so she could sleep in the hopes you’d visit her and tell her everything would be okay.

But she didn’t dream that night.

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Weeks went by without another dream, without even a nightmare, sometimes she found herself wishing for the nightmares to return just to get a taste of you, even the tiniest part of you, but nothing came, you never appeared to her, and her subconscious never conjured you.

She checked in on her bike regularly with the mechanic, Ruby. She was beautiful, dark blue hair that turned electric in the sun, tight ringlets bouncing over her shoulders and framing her face. Her ebony skin was pristine and decorated with tattoos that sprawled over every inch that could be seen under her clothes. There were smudges of black over her grey tank top and overalls that folded over at the hip. There was no denying she was beautiful, but she wasn’t you.

“Abby! Hey, thanks for coming, I’ve got exciting news follow me!” She hurried off to the back of the shop leaving Abby to follow with her heart in her throat at the thought of being able to ride her bike again soon. “I have worked day and night on this bike, she has been my baby.” Ruby squealed as she circled round the Harley standing in all its glory. “Come, hop on!” Abby hesitantly walks over to the bike and swings her leg over to seat herself, it almost felt foreign, she used to ride every day and she hadn’t in well over a four months now, almost two. “What? You forgotten how to ride?” Ruby giggled at Abby’s perplexion.

“No.” Abby huffed before turning the key in the ignition and holding the start button with her thumb, the engine roared to life and her eyes widened until they couldn’t anymore before flicking to Ruby’s ecstatic face. “No fucking way! Oh my god, you fixed her!”

“Oh yeah she’s running even better than she did before.”

“Holy fuck, thank you so much, oh my fuck how much do I owe you?” Abby’s smile was hurting her cheeks as she turned the bike off and clambered off.

Abby paid Ruby, a discounted price that ‘only the pretty girls get’ according to Ruby and hugged her for the magic she had so clearly worked. Abby was too excited about her beloved Harley being fully functioning again to notice Ruby’s obvious flirtation, though if she had noticed, she still would’ve shied away due to the mere fact that she wasn’t you. She was forgoing a beautiful human for an angel that she could never truly have, her heart clung to you even in your absence.

She rushed back to the bike and let its powerful engine hum underneath her before she realised she hadn’t brought her helmet, half-expecting Ruby to tell her there was nothing she could do to save the bike when she had called this morning. Your face popped into her mind, the perfect scrunch between your eyebrows when you’d scold her for her recklessness, it was like everything became clear, you’d show up if she was in danger, so she’d put herself in danger.

“Thanks again Ruby!” With that she was flying out of the garage and onto the streets, weaving in and out of cars leaving a cacophony of horns from disgruntled drivers in her wake. The engine revved and vibrated underneath her but it wasn’t enough, she couldn’t feel your soft guiding hand or see the subtle shimmer anywhere hinting that you were with her. You had still abandoned her. She revved the engine more and the wind whipped past her even harsher as she leant forward and took the bike as fast as it would go. Everything around her was a blur until she saw the blaring red light telling her she was about to smash straight into passing traffic. Her hand immediately slammed down on the brake lever, squeezing with all her might as she came to a squealing stop just ahead of the stop line. “Fuck that was close.” It was close and you still were nowhere to be seen, she had never felt so alone, the feeling ripping through her and tearing her heart to shreds. Her skin burned and her vision pulsed as the light flicked from red, to amber and then to green letting her speed off again with a different motive this time. She released all of her heartache, all of her rage into the bike, speeding through the smudged city until she arrived back at her home, seething that she was still in one piece, she wished she had been torn to shreds on that bike just to punish you for your silence.

As she entered her home, rain began to trickle outside, then pouring and then hammering, it was a stark contrast from the bright sun that had illuminated her journey and Abby closed every curtain, shut every blind to shield herself from the sight of it. She clamped her headphones onto her ears and pressed play on her playlist setting it to the loudest volume to drown out the bombardment of the rain. She threw herself onto her bed and clamped her eyes shut, wrapping herself in the blankets to combat the eery coldness of her once toasty room.

You could feel the resentment in her, the sorrow, the unfiltered anger, you could feel everything, she was tied to you, a spiritual tether that you couldn’t rip no matter how much you tried. You were stuck an endless lop of longing and distancing, a fight between selfishness and selflessness, a never-ending battle that you would never win. You felt her tears falling, your own cascading in tandem, your wings drooped and dragged, aching your back with an intolerable pain, whelping and wincing at their strain. They had never felt heavy like this before, always perched on your back weightlessly but now they were fighting against you, desperately trying to force you to the ground.

You felt her drift into unconsciousness, felt the empty black void of her mind tormenting her, her subconscious laughing at her as her dreams lay dormant, never revealing you or the beach.

You felt her pry herself awake, the nothingness becoming too much, felt the restless paces all over the house, the stomping steps reverberating through you. You felt her growl and shriek at the loneliness, a feeling you had come to understand in getting entangled with Abby, you had never felt lonely before, never craved what you didn’t already have, your role contented you but then she gave you a taste of something different, something human and now you felt lonely, drowning in your solitude. Selfishness or selflessness, a right and a wrong answer that got jumbled in your mind when you contemplated their meanings too much.

You felt the hot water hit her skin, the bath full, almost overflowing as she lowered herself into it. The hiss of shock to her system that provided her the only comfort that even brushed what she felt with you. You felt her hold her breath, the water engulfing her as she anchored herself under it. You felt the miniscule air bubbles tickling her nose and eyes, her lips parting and letting the water invade her entirety. You felt her lungs constrict, deprived of oxygen, her heart quickening its pace desperately trying to keep her body alive. You felt the sting encompassing her organs as they functioned without their life source, the emptiness of her blood with only carbon dioxide to carry around in its stream. You felt everything, the fight between her body and mind, breathe, don’t breathe, let go, let the pain float away. You felt the determination, the decision that had been made the second she ran the bath. You waited and waited for her to relent, to emerge from the depths of despair but it never came, you waited for her head to spin and the light inside her to fade until there was no fight anymore because her mind had won.

You moved quickly, dragging her body out of the water with inhumane ease and skill. You pressed your lips to hers, breathing light and life back into her before you compressed her chest in one powerful push that took every ounce of your strength. You felt the water rush out of her lungs, expel itself from her body, you spluttered as she did, water spilling out of your mouth the way it did hers, it burned your throat and it burned hers, but she wasn’t conscious enough to feel it. You felt everything for her.

You waited for her eyes to crack open and the second they did you disappeared from her plane to hide in yours, still collapsed on the ground fighting for breath.

She sat up, confused at first until she felt the hard, dry surface beneath her and noticed the bath next to her, water still rippling from the hasty movements.

“I know you’re here! Stop fucking hiding from me!” She screeched, her throat swollen and voice croaky, a cough following her words as she struggled to her feet. “Are you fucking kidding me? Just let me die, you’re cruel for doing this to me and then stopping me from ending it. You’re cruel and vindictive, you’re a selfish bitch and I hate you! I wish I had died in that fucking accident so I never had to meet you!” She screamed. You felt it, the overwhelming feeling of betrayal, of rejection. You felt your own desolation, she was right, you had been selfish, what good did it do for you to be selfless now when you had already ruined her with your immorality.

I hate you.

I love you.

She wailed, she screamed and cried because she didn’t hate you, she never could, she loved you just like you loved her but she had no control over the situation, she was a passive object of your love. She was your undoing and you were hers.

Abby couldn’t breathe, she choked and hyperventilated over her tears until her cheeks felt bruised from the onslaught and her throat was raw. Something so perfect, so pure had bid its evil on her, dragging her into its arms and trapping her in a pit, strangled her with its love wrapping its claws around her neck and squeezing until it drew blood.

The beach, it was a goodbye.

It was a goodbye.

Her thoughts swarmed and festered, repeating the same four words over and over, your voice merely echoing the thoughts.

You can’t leave me, this is you’re fucking fault.

She was right, you were to blame for her destruction, a being whose sole purpose was protection and you had destroyed the very person you had sworn to protect, demolished her heart, ripped her soul to shreds and then watched the aftermath burn and disintegrate.

“I-I can’t do this anymore, I need it to stop. I need to make this feeling go away.”

I need you. I need you. I need you.

She crawled from the floor of her ensuite to her wardrobe, ripping open the doors and rooting around until her hands felt the solid, square shape of the shoebox she had shoved to the back and forgotten about. She dragged it out letting it clatter to the floor and tore open the lid, the way you had her heart. Her hands enclosed round the cool metal of the handle, and she relinquished the pistol that had been her father’s, the only one he had ever had. It had never been used, just sat collecting dust but it would get its debut now, its first and last shot fired.

She checked the barrel and sighed when there were bullets in each slot of the chamber of the revolver, you shrieked at the sight of it until she placed it down again. She slipped on a tracksuit and ran downstairs to find some paper to write a note for Manny and Nora, it felt wrong to leave without even a poor explanation of why. She scribbled their names on the folded over bit of paper before walking upstairs and leaving it on the bed. She wasn’t frantic, her steps were calm and calculated. You watched her adjust her grip on the revolver and let out a sigh as she raised it to her head.

“NO ABBY!” You let yourself be seen as you rushed towards her and knocked the gun from her hand. She grunted and shoved you away from her to scramble for the gun. “NO PLEASE DON’T!”

“WHY? WHY DO YOU CARE?”

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.”

“NO YOU DON’T.”

“I DO ABBY! I didn’t understand at first because I’d never felt it before but I know now, I love you, you made me understand what love is.”

“I can’t keep living like this, I need to be with you.”

“Doing this, killing yourself won’t let us be together Abby, it will only split us apart for eternity.”

“WHY?”

“If I fail to stop you from ending your own life I’ll be banished to live immortally on Earth. You’ll be dead and I’ll never be able to die. Please put the gun down.” Tears gushed down her face as she dropped the gun and collapsed to her knees, burying her face into her hands and wailing. You crept over to her and kneeled before her, cupping her face in your hands and looking directly into her eyes, a stare so strong she felt like she was being sucked into you. Your hands glowed but now so did your eyes as hers were transfixed. You felt the force of a thousand knives stabbing into you but you kept you gaze fixed on hers as you absorbed all of her turmoil, took everything away until it was a dull ache, she sat, completely numb until the glow of your hands and eyes, the glow radiating all around you flickered violently before dissipating completely. Your hands went cold and the colour in your skin drained. The golden strands of your hair turned black, and the flaxen speckles vanished as if they were never there.

You felt weak, brittle and dark, the room blackening until only shadows could be made out.

A sudden crackling sounded, a harsh, continuous crackling sounded until the room was lit up by the fire that had ignited at the end of your wings. Abby noticed it as you bellowed and bawled. You grabbed onto Abby’s shoulders with enough force to leave bruises in the wake of your fingers, curling into her, your body racking with indescribable pain.

“What’s happening? I-I don’t know what to do. I’m so sorry.” Your tears no longer shimmered, they glowed red, deep, thick red as you screamed and wailed from the pain. It felt like millions of tiny explosions were being set off inside you, it felt like the end.

“I-I think this is my punishment.” You whispered before meeting her eyes, the fear, the guilt, the inexplicable pain all shining through them, burying themselves into your soul, it hurt too much. You lurched forward and pressed your lips to hers harshly, rushed and passionate as you savoured it letting it coax you through the pain. You pulled away with a groan and pressed your forehead to hers.

“I’m scared Abby.”

“I love you. I’ll always love you, I’m so sorry, I love you.”

“Don’t apologise, you made me feel alive. I’ll love you for as long as there are stars in the sky.” She pressed her lips to yours again, her salty tears settling themselves on your tongue as you licked at her lips begging to taste her one more time. Your souls collided as your lips did and as quickly as she felt you in her arms, on her tongue, in her head, you were gone. A pile of ash that faded before she could realise what it was.

You were gone.

#abby the last of us #abby x reader #abby x you #abby tlou #abby anderson tlou #abby anderson tlou2 #tlou abby #abby anderson #abby anderson fanfic #abby anderson fic #abby anderson fluff #abby anderson x fem!reader #abby anderson x female reader #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson x you #abby anderson x you smut #abby anderson angst #tlou 2 #tlou

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rustys-lodge · 11 months

Text

Requested by @yourlocalratwriter : Could you please make a Hannibal x daughter reader(platonic) where his daughter has severe anger issues. Maybe like their having a outburst and yelling at him and doesn’t actually mean it? But they got Frustrated so they started yelling?

Warnings : anger issues, yelling by both parties.

A/n : ssso so sorry to answer this late, i finally have the courage to write again and i didnt wanna steal the plot or anythiing but at the same time i wanted to finally write thiiis ❤️

------

Hannibal, has welcomed you into his home. He cooks for you, helps you with your studies and even with your relationships with society and life. He would also like to help you with your room, but that, being your cocoon, is a restricted place for the meticulous Hannibal Lecter. That, until today.

You drag your feet through the mansion, tossing your bag on the nearest sofa as you headed for your room.

It had been a long day. A reeeeally long day. And frustration was irritating every part of your brain. Every inch of your body. You were definitely ready to melt into your mattress and fall asleep.

Yanking your bedroom door open, the scent of chemicals and artificial roses slaps your nostrils as you discover an orderly room. Not your room.

Your eyebrows knit together as you scan every inch of the space.

Disgusting. Tidy. Unlivable.

No more piles of clothes. No more stacked up papers. No more of those littles things you placed exactly in the right spot, exactly where you needed them.

Hannibal.

You march out of your room, each step growing louder and louder, fueling your anger. Until you reach the study.

You place your hand on the door handle, a thought comes to your mind.

You are not to come in without knocking on the door, y/n.

But you think again…Fuck him ?

You push the handle down, simultaneously pushing the door forward. There he is.

Your heart skips a beat.

Hannibal almost jolts up. For a split second, he's surprised. But as soon as his eyes land on your face, his body relaxes. And his features go back to being illegible. He watches you, his head slightly tilting to the side, waiting for an answer to a question he didn't need to ask.

"My room." You say.

"Yes ?" The doctor responds in an even simplistic manner. And it shakes sometimes in you.

"I told you not to touch my room." You keep your words to a minimum. As you were far far from calm, anymore anger and words were going to start spurting out of your mouth.

You wanted to avoid that.

"I organized everything accordingly. I d-"

What ?

His voice dies down as rage boils through your body. He's always trying to control everything. He cooks, he tells you what to do. When to do it. He chooses your meals for you. Who you're allowed to go out with. When to come home. Wait-so he read stuff, in order to organize it ?

"You read my stuff ?"

"That's not what i meant i-"

"Why would you do that, Hannibal." Your voice pierces through your own ears. You feel hot and your stomach is knotted up.

"Y/n, calm down."

"DONT TELL ME TO CALM FUCKING DOWN." Your body jolts in response, reaching your end point. "You're always trying to control everything. You fucking control freak" You accusingly point your finger at him. And your father stares in response.

He bites his bottom lip as his eyes rove from your reddened face to your finger, and back to your face. And slowly, he sets his hand on top of your finger, lowering it down forcingly. But you pulled away.

"Don't fucking touch m-"

"That's it." The man snaps, gripping your arm and dragging you over to the sofa, where he pushes you down. His grip is firm, but gentle. And before you have the time to move, he kneels down in front of you. "Now you're going to breat-you're going to breathe and I won't let you go until you do so."

Yours eyes meet his and your heart instantly slows down...But the overwhelming pain in your stomach doesn't die down. It lingers...

"Breathe, darling." Your father nods encouragingly as he awaits for you to obey. But you breathe heavily. Your voice sounded so hoarse and rough. You hated it. You didn't mean the words that just came out of your mouth. You didn't mean them. You just-Not sure-It just felt-

"It's okay, sweetheart, i know."

You shake your head as he nods No...No- He doesn't get it-he doesn't know. No-Y-

"I know you didn't mean what you said...It's okay."

You sniffle, a lump growing in your throat. "I'm sorry." It comes in a whisper.

"It's alright..Just breathe."

-----

Good reading, i hope. ❤❤❤🌹🌹🌹

#hannibal lecter x daughter #hannibal x daughter!reader #hannibal lecter #hannibal lecter x reader #daughter!reader #daughter x father #daughter reader #hannibal x daughter

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margotw10bis · 5 months

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Crashing On Crush. JJK 4 [m]

crush!Jungkook x reader

Genre: smut; series; romance; angst

Words: 4.9k

Synopsis: What happens when your first encounter with your crush is Jungkook seeing your ass?

Warnings: alcohol consumption; protected sex; oral sex (f. receiving); praising kink; mention of passed harassment

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Jungkook left a few minutes after because he had to wake up early the next morning. You were disappointed because after sharing such an intimate moment, you would have liked him to stay. You have felt so close to him. And you had the feeling that your connection disappeared with his absence. You have felt so alive, and the next moment you are completely alone, and not so much alive. It was kind of terrifying how your mood changed because of him: you were beyond clouds when he was next to you, and completely in the darkness when he left. This emotional rollercoaster made you cried that night. You were too lost in your own feelings. You felt closer to him and at the same time so far away.

The whole next day, you kept making mistakes at work, your brain overthinking the last night. You were thinking about Jungkook and wondering if he were thinking about you too. The possibility of it not being the case and of you being just another girl he had fun with squeezed your heart.

That's why, heading out of the art gallery, you thought like you could finally breathe. The pure fresh air of Seoul filled your lungs like it was your very first breathing. That's when you saw him, leaning against his black Mercedes.

Jungkook smiles at you when he notices you. A genuine smile, that makes you smile equally. A pure wave of happiness wraps your body and you wish you could jump in his arms. Once again, a little word with huge meaning starting with 'L' pops in your mind and warms your heart.

"What are you doing here?" You ask him, trying to not sound as cheerful as you are

"To see you"

The simple but so sweet respond attacks your heart. It should be illegal to be such a flirt.

"I was thinking I could cook for you"

"Oh, you know how to cook?" You tease him

"Are you questioning my cooking skills?" He replies, a brow lifting up suspiciously

Jungkook's smile is so pretty. When he smiles, he looks like the happiest man alive and, oddly, seeing him happy makes you happy too. You realize that you want to make him happy.

"Prove me wrong then" You say, opening his car door.

———

You didn't know what to expect from Jungkook's apartment but it surely looks like him: a big living room with a huge TV screen, a large black leather couch, some paintings on the walls ; a modern open kitchen and a dark wood diner table making the transition between the cooking area and the living room. You see some photos of him, his family and his friends. It's like Jungkook has brought all his memories from his brain and materialized it into his place. You feel good here, at peace, like in a cocoon, protected from the outside world. It's the same feeling that when he wraps his arms around your frame.

As Jungkook washes his hands with soap in the kitchen sink, he speaks up:

"Do you want some ramyeon?"

You immediately burst into laugher and Jungkook follows you.

"I mean, real ramyeon but if you want that, I will love it too"

"Real ramyeon is okay" You say, blushing

Jungkook starts boiling water in a saucepan and grabs two packs of Shin Ramyun, the less spicy ones after you told him that you were sensitive. It doesn't take long for the noodles to be ready and you two sit down at the dinner table.

The conversation goes smoothly. You talk about you two, your childhoods, the things you like and don't like. You just get to know each other. Despite being unlabeled, it looks like the beginning of a relationship. Few memories of how it started with your ex-boyfriends come back to you and you realize that what you are leaving now with Jungkook is like that, but way better because you get along on so many things. You laugh at the same jokes, you are upset about the same things, you care about the same subjects. However, you don't want to rush things. It's been a long time since you were in a relationship and you want to take your time. You don't have to put a name on what you and Jungkook are.

"Do you have nicknames?" You ask him at some point

"Actually, I have a lot of them: JK, Kook, Kookie" He pauses and a sparkle of playfulness brightens his doe eyes "Daddy..."

"Jungkook!" You blush and choke at the same time, which makes him laugh.

"You can call me whatever you want"

"What's your favorite nickname? And don't say Daddy" You ask him, genuinely wanting to call him by a name he likes

Jungkook takes the time to think and then, gets a tiny closer to you. When he talks back, his voice is way deeper and you feel a change in the air around you.

"Call me yours"

You don't understand what happens next because in just one second, your lips are on Jungkook's. He grabs your waist to pull you closer, basically putting you on his laps. Your hands are in his smooth, long hair. Your kiss is messy, eager and your panties gets quickly soaked. Then, Jungkook pulls you up and leans you on the table, the tableware pushed aside carelessly. The cold and hard material in your back contrast with the fire in your body and the softness of Jungkook's lips on your neck. His hands struggle to unbutton your pale yellow blouse and he is too impatient to wait. With a sharp movement, he pulls over both sides, causing all the little buttons to pop and fall around you.

"Jungkook!" You scold him

"I'll buy you a new one"

He even seems amused and kisses your breasts. It's enough for you to forget about the ripped clothes. Jungkook sneaks a hand on your back and undoes your bra. He quickly takes off both your messed up blouse and your bra. Then, he cups your boobs with his large and warm palms and takes the time to admire your picked nipples - caused by the cold air on your burning skin and your horniness. His mouth dives onto your nipples and he rolls his tongue around it, sucks on it and gently bites it. The simulation of this sensitive zone causes you to moan his name. You tell him to take off his shirt - honestly, who will say no to sneak on his perfect body?

You flick his firm chest and abs. He is way too handsome with no shirt on. But Jungkook doesn't give you too much time to enjoy the show because he unzips your black slacks and slides them down with your panties. Completely naked, you feel his glaze on you and you blush when he licks his lips, ready to eat you out.

"You are so beautiful" He whispers before he kneels down to kiss your pussy.

A choked whimper escapes your mouth. Feeling Jungkook's lips on you, and especially on your wet pussy, is electrifying. A wave of arousal washes over your body. He eats you out like a starved man. You feel your juice mixed with his saliva dripping down to your ass and your pussy clenches on nothing until Jungkook hears your silenced prayers and enters you with two fingers.

"Oh my god!" You exclaim at the sudden and delightful stretch

"I love how tight you are, babe"

You barely hear his voice because his mouth is glued to your clit but the pet name drives you crazy. You're losing your head, trying to grip the corner of the table not to lose your sanity under these perfect tongue flicks. Jungkook enhances the pace of his fingers, hitting your g-spot every time. You can't take it any longer and you feel your orgasm building up in your body so fast that you can't even tell Jungkook - not that he needs you to speak because your walls around his fingers getting tighter tell enough. You scream his name when you reach your climax, spams of pleasure all over your body.

You look literally fucked up and it's what Jungkook wanted. Seeing and even feeling your pleasure makes him horny. He can feel his hard cock completely squeezed in his pants, it's uncomfortable. You naked is a view he wishes to see everyday. At this thought, he can't help but caressing his dick through the fabric of his clothes and he kisses your inner thighs, he even bites them gently. The contact of his teeth on your sensitive skin makes you flinch. He knows damn well how to use his pretty mouth... He ends up sucking on your inner thigh skin to leave a mark. He loves thinking that you're his, even if it's just for a moment. His possessiveness doesn't just turn him on, it does the same to you. Someway, you are proud he wants you the same way you want him, and you do want to be his. And you want him to be yours.

You are out of breathe, slowly reaching down on Earth after being beyond clouds. You don't think straight and that's why your mouth speaks without consulting your brain.

"I want you" You hear your raspy post-orgasm voice says

Jungkook kisses you, some of your juice mixing in your mouth with your and his salivas. He leaves you just a few seconds and comes back with a metallic square packet in his hand.

"Are you sure?" He asks you

"Yes"

You have no doubt. You want Jungkook. You want to feel the closest you can, you want to feel him in you.

He kisses you, more gently than before, almost in a romantic way, before taking off his pants and underwear. The sight cuts your breathe: his cock is already hard. You can't deny that a new wave of wetness shakes your pussy. You wonder how stretching will his thick length be, you know he will fill you completely.

He puts the condom on, and gives himself a few pumps before placing his body closer to yours, right between your opened legs. The few seconds you have to wait to feel him are like torture. The emptiness of your pussy and the beautiful view of his hard cock so close to you makes you shiver in an impatient horniness. You're losing your mind, but it's even worse when Jungkook takes his length and slides upon your dripping pussy. You moan and then whine in pleasure when you feel it rubbing your swollen clit, causing a spam in all your body. His hard cock on your sensitive bud is the most delightful thing in the whole world.

"Jungkook, please" You beg

Once again, you don't know how much you are turning him on with your plea. "What a good girl", he thinks when he finally enters you. Slowly. Making you feel each inch stretching you and causing your mouth to open. It's so big, painful. It's so good. You don't really know if it's his cock or the realization of him filling you up but you are, once again, on the edge of your orgasm. However, you want this delightful sin to last as long as possible. That's why, when he is deep inside you, all his thick dick swallowed by your cunt, you put a hand on his firm abs to stop him from moving. You need to control yourself and take deep breathes. He is standing up, having the greatest view of your entire perfect body. Even though his position makes him dominant, on the inside, you are shaking everything in Jungkook. You could ask him anything, he would say 'yes'.

"You're so good" Jungkook says in a raspy voice before pecking you, this small gesture squeezes your heart with sweetness

When you begin to whimper from the lack of the now needed sliding, Jungkook gets the message and starts bumping. He begins quite slow but enhances the pace at each single bang. Your breasts bounces at the same rhythm and it's a call for him to grab your boob with his tattooed hand. His skin is even hotter than yours and the feeling is so damn good. His touch is like a delicious burn on your skin. His left hand keeps you in place while he penetrates you again and again. He enters you with all his length each time, hitting your g-spot. The pace is the perfect one: just providing the good amount of pain before it's unbearable. But what is unbearable is the arousal growing even bigger in your body.

"Oh my fucking god!"

"You're taking me so good, Y/N. So fucking perfect"

His head spins by the amount of pleasure. It's the pleasure of stretching your tight pussy but also of being the one in you. He keeps telling to himself how beautiful you are and how perfect your pussy feels around his cock, just like you were made for him. He wants each pounding to remind you that, at this moment, you're his and he's yours. There is nothing in the world but your two bodies being one.

He leans down to kiss you messily. You grab his hair and moan his name in his mouth. How can you survive so much pleasure? It's not just his perfect cock, Jungkook exactly knows how to move. He seems to know what you like, what you want and he gives it to you at the exact right time. That's why it's the best, best, best sex in your life.

"Are you so wet just for me?" His voice is full of cockiness and it makes you crazy, even his possessiveness creates a wave of arousal between your legs and makes your walls clench around him. "Answer me" He orders, giving a slap on the side of your ass, tightening your pussy even more and Jungkook mentally notes that you like that.

"Yes! Yes!" You repeat the only words you manage to say

"You're such a good girl" You can hear his smirk in his breathless voice, and it's fucking hot

You are so close, his cock stretching and pounding your dripping cunt. Jungkook feels your pussy clenching and he smirks. His inked hand leaves your breast to rub your clit, tightening your walls even more. It begins to be hard for him to enter you smoothly when you're so tight.

"Oh my god, Jungkook!" You moan, fighting to keep your eyes open just to see his face full of horniness and his messy-fuck hair sticked on his forehead. He is so perfect, so handsome. His puffy lips are slightly open and you swear that when he looks into your eyes, you can see his soul for a second.

"So fucking tight" He says with his jaws clenched, trying to not cum before you "Cum for me, babe. Cum around my cock"

His puzzling possessiveness towards you pushes him to fuck you harder. Eyes closed by the overwhelming wave of arousal, you have no idea that Jungkook is still watching you. So beautiful with your face torn by pleasure. He wishes to be the only one to witness it, the only one to provide you such an orgasm. And in fact, you've never cummed this hard. You get choked up, unable to make any noise, when you feel the most alive than you've ever felt - you don't even know if you're still on Earth - but Jungkook keeps fucking you through your orgasm. The overstimulation is almost too painful. Almost.

"Please, please" You groan

You don't know if it's for him to stop, to continue or to urge him to feel how good cumming right now is. Anyway, just a few poundings are enough for Jungkook after your little begging to fill the condom.

You are both panting and sweaty. Jungkook almost collapses on you and your burning skins melt into each other's. You feel so... overwhelmed. You don't even know what you're feeling right now except that you want to feel him closer. Not physically because you can't be closer than that - especially when Jungkook is still inside you - but emotionally. Your shaky hands - caused by the orgasms or your emotion - caresses his sticky hair. Jungkook throws his strong arms around you and rests his head on your breast, listening to your pounding heart. The feeling of your fingers playing with his black strands is soothing, he likes it. No, he loves it. He has never felt like this, in complete peace. He knows he is where he is to be.

You're happy Jungkook can't see your face because two big tears escape your eyes for an indeterminate reason. Well, actually, deep down, you know the reason but you're not ready to accept it just yet. Thankfully, you have time to dry your eyes before Jungkook lifts his pretty head and kisses you. A real, beautiful, perfect kiss. A kiss that says everything, every truth of the world and even more. Or is it your imagination because of your foggy post-amazing-orgasm brain?

Jungkook straightens up slowly and pulls out from you. The void between your legs is unpleasant, like a piece of you is missing. He grabs your hand to help to get off the table. Your weak and shaky legs abandon you but Jungkook's quick reflexes prevent you from hitting the ground.

"Wooh, easy cowboy" He laughs, kissing your temples

Why does he have to be so cute right now? Your legs are not the only part of your body to be weak at this moment: your heart is too. And his bunny smile, his adorable doe eyes and his scrunched nose are a huge threat.

You try to push this thoughts away and concentrate on stabilizing yourself. When you feel like you won't directly drop, you carefully let go of Jungkook's support.

"I should go take a shower" You say with a still raspy voice

"Sure, I'll give you a towel. And a t-shirt" He tells you playfully, glancing at your yellow once blouse.

You try to clean yourself quickly to give way to Jungkook but you still take the time to appreciate the smell of his body wash. It's not the usual strong and manly scent but a sophisticate amber and lemony fragrance. You realize it's perfect for Jungkook: mannish but soft at the same time. Okay, your brain is definitely not working well if you think his body wash is a mirror for his personality...

Out of the bathroom with the clean oversize black t-shirt and a pair of boxers that Jungkook gave you, you see him cleaning the diner table dressed only with his underwear. The mesmerizing view makes you blush. You don't say anything to enjoy the show a little longer. But Jungkook eventually notices you and gives you a genuine smile.

"You can choose a movie while I go shower, if you want"

He says that so naturally. Does that mean he expects you to stay over? Not that you complain but last time he left, so you kind of supposed you'd have to leave too. You are in fact really happy to stay and to spend more time with Jungkook after this intimate moment. Does he feel like something changed too? It was not only the sex but the few minutes after, while you were pressed against each other. You know what aftercare is but it was more than that.

———

"What are you doing this weekend?" Jungkook asks you

The movie has been going on for almost a hour now. You were surprised - but so happy - when Jungkook sat next to you and pulled closer, his arm around your shoulders. The fact that you smelled the same kind of made your heart beat faster. Silly, you thought. It was so good that you didn't want to think it was anything more than after-sex moment because if Jungkook decided to not see you again, you knew it would hurt you.

But now, he is asking for this weekend. So maybe, just maybe, he wants to see you again. Maybe to start something more serious?

"I have a thing Saturday. But I'm free Friday night and Sunday" You try to control your smile. "What about you?"

"I was thinking we could go to the Lotte aquarium. Have you been there?"

"Never" You answer, remembering that Suzi and you always talked about visiting it but always ended up doing something else. "I'd love to go"

You bite your lower lip to prevent you from asking "Is it a date?".

"Great" Jungkook smiles at you with his cute bunny smile, relieved that you agreed to go out with him. "What are your plans for Saturday, if it's okay for me to ask?"

"One of my friends is graduating from high school"

"You have young friends!" He jokes

"Yah, I'm not that old! You, on the other hand, can't say the same" You tease and he looks falsely offended

"Come on, Y/N, I'm like three years older"

You don't really think before kissing Jungkook. It's only when you pull your lips apart that you realize that you got carried away by the flirty situation and that you might have crossed a line.

Seeing the panic in your eyes, Jungkook reassures you by kissing you. Himself can't get enough of your pretty lips. Being with you, watching a movie, having you in his arms seems so natural to him. As it's always have been like that. He doesn't know why, and he doesn't even try to understand. He just wants to enjoy it.

And he does. All night. You sleeping in his bed is a blessing, almost a dream. That's why he wraps your body with an arm: he makes sure that you won't disappear. He can't deny that this fear comes with old demons that he tries to push away.

———

"Jongseob!" You scream your friend's name like a proud mom

He is wearing his high school uniform and, something unusual, he has styled his caramel hair - and yes, he has been punished for dying his hair. However, you can't yell at him when he is this cute.

"Noona!"

He immediately jumps at you and you notice that he has grown since the last time you saw him a few month ago.

"I'm so, so proud of you" You tell him, hugging him tightly. "I have something for you"

Jongseob grabs the bag you hand him and takes a look. His almond eyes sparkles and his lovely smile gets bigger. He looks genuinely happy to discover the new video game he told you about and a full box of donuts from your favorite coffee shop.

You are moved to see him happy. It's a drastic change from your first encounter and each time you think about it, your heart is painfully squeezed. It was three years ago. Suzi had sent you a text to tell you that she would be late. Grumbling, you decided to start shopping for the weekend party without her. You were strolling in Myeongdong when you heard some strange noises coming from a narrowed alley. A small group of high schoolers were having fun. Or that's what you thought at first. But watching carefully, you noticed that four of them were, indeed having fun from bullying a younger boy. You felt panicked, sad and angry. You didn't think a second before rushing toward them and yelling at them. They might have think you were crazy.

"If you touch him again, I swear to God that I will make you regret being born" You told them

It was not really your threat but the fading amusement that made them leave. When you turned around, you saw this scared but cute boy. You hugged him tightly and told him that he'd never be alone again. After that, you both sat at your now favorite coffee and you payed him a donut. Since then, Jongseob is like your little brother. You really, purely love each other. And you are so, so proud of him: he is more confident now and he graduates with special mention.

You can see in Jongseob's eyes that he is also thinking about your first encounter. Both of you have watery eyes now. He's never told you that he thinks you're his guardian angel. You helped him so much that he made a promise to himself: he will work hard and will give everything you want. He will take care of you the same way you took care of him. You're the person who knows him the most, like a big sister, his Noona.

You let him go join his classmates and you sit on the bleachers to follow the graduation. Pride brightens your eyes and warms your heart. When the headmaster calls 'Kim Jongseob', he stands up, takes his diploma and looks for you in the crowd. When his eyes meet yours, he waves at you with his certificate, a perfect sign of success after all he's been through.

"Noona, I'm not a kid anymore" Jongseob complains when you hand him a hot chocolate

You roll your eyes. After the ceremony, you invited him at the coffee shop and ordered the usual: a hot chocolate for Jongseob, a latte for you and two glazed lemon donuts - you told him to bring back home the ones you gave him earlier.

"Yah! It's not because you're not in high school anymore that you can't drink hot chocolate. Come on, I know you love it"

With a sigh, Jongseob gives up the protest and takes a sip. The sweet flavor makes him forget why he wanted anything else.

"I'm so proud of you"

"Stop! You said that a hundred times today"

"I know but it's true"

You can't control your emotion. Like you said earlier, you look like a proud mom and you are not going to be sorry for that. Moreover, you know that Jongseob is secretly happy to know how you feel about him, his own parents are not very supportive.

Jongseob's phone rings and he immediately jumps on it. He reads the text, blushes and answers. You squint and wait for him to put down the device. Jongseob notices the suspicious and amused expression on your face.

"What?" He asks, blushing harder

"Don't you have something to tell me?" You take a sip of your latte, trying to act detached while you're dying to know all the details

"There is this girl, Jiwon, she is so pretty and nice. We-we talk, that's all"

"You like her?"

"I-I think"

Jongseob is too cute when he is shy. He is a good guy, you have no doubt that Jiwon will see it too. You are also happy that he found someone, a friend, to talk to. After being bullied, it was hard for him to trust other people and you were the only one he talked to. But you have noticed a slight change in him: he is more open to others and, even if they can't be described as 'friends', he spends some time with them.

"What about you, Noona?"

"There is this guy, Jungkook, he is so pretty and nice" You tease him and Jongseob gently slaps your arm to make you stop. "I'm kidding! But for real, there is a guy. I don't really know what we are"

Actually, you are glad to talk about Jungkook to someone. You know you can talk to Suzi but she is too implicated so Jongseob can help you see things differently, especially when he doesn't know Jungkook.

"What would you like you two to be?"

It's a simple question. And yet, you never thought about it. When you're with Jungkook, you feel so good. He makes you happy, alive and it's more than just sex. The physical attraction you've had for him for months became something deeper when you started spending time with him. It's also scary how such a short time was enough for your heart and your brain to be full of Jungkook.

"I... want him" You whisper "I feel alive when I'm with him. I don't know how to explain but I want to be with him"

"What are you wanting for?"

You look at Jongseob with a surprised and confused look. He looks so confident - you don't know that it's thank to you that he can be.

"Go tell him. You have nothing to loose. And honestly, if this Jungkook guy doesn't want to be with you, he sucks"

Jongseob's cute smile gives you courage. He gives you a 'go girl!' look. You grab you bag, kiss Jongseob on his chubby cheek and waves him goodbye.

———

The bus ride allowed you to organize your speech. You feel so fucking stressed. Your heart beats loudly in your chest. You know that it's not easy to lay yourself bare and confess your feelings but you also know that you shared something real with Jungkook. You can't be the only one to feel this way, he must feel it too.

You arrive at the closest bus stop to Jungkook's. You place your hand on your crazy beating heart and take a deep breathe. It's okay, nothing can go wrong. You walk to his building and you are surprised to see him, standing up next to his Mercedes. You are ready to call him out but you throat goes dry when you see a girl hugging him.

What the hell?

You are close enough to hear them talking. But this can't be happening. It's all a misunderstanding, like in movies. The girl took him for someone else, or Jungkook is going to push her away. But no. The ground is opening under your feet, swallowing you. However, it's even more painful when you hear what they are saying.

"Kookie, I need you" The girl says in Jungkook's chest

"I'm here, I'm not leaving you"

Each word coming from his mouth is a dragger in your broken heart.

He wraps his arms around the fragile girl's body, an awful reminder that he's done the exact same thing to you just a few days ago.

"I love you" She says

Please, don't. Don't say it.

"I love you too"

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#bts #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts jungkook #bangtan sonyeondan #jeon jungkook #jjk #jjk x reader #jungkook #jjk smut #smut #kpop smut #female reader #x reader

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badkitty3000 · 3 months

Text

Weak

Even Five Hargreeves is no stranger to temptation. He tries so hard to stay away. He wants to do the right thing for once in his life. If not for himself, then for her. But every man has his breaking point.

Five Hargreeves x Reader Smut

This one shot is an accompaniment to my other work "Addicted". This can be read on its own, but is a different side of the story, as told from Five's point of view.

As always, I am open to requests. Thank you!

My Master List Of Number Five Fanfiction

Weak:

I never meant to take it this far. I never meant to be cruel. That’s not who I am, or at least I didn’t think I was. I also thought I was strong and had will power. But I guess I was wrong about that, too. Because as much as I try to stay away, I don’t.

I know who I am and what I’m made of. The terrible things I’ve done. That’s not a secret and I’ve never lied to myself about that. My morals can’t even be called a gray area anymore; they’re more like an indistinct blur. But in this one tiny part of my soul, I was trying to be better. For her, at least.

I have failed miserably.

She knows what I am. When things got too comfortable and too familiar, I told her as a way to push her away and to scare her. It didn’t work, though. In fact, it had the opposite effect. She fucking loved it…and I didn’t know how to say no to that.

How could I say no when she was tearing at my clothes, practically panting with desire, and shoving her hand down my pants? All over a bloody stain on a shirt collar and the feel of my Glock against her skin. I’m sure there’s a way to resist that, but fuck if I know what it is. I’m not smart enough or strong enough to figure that one out.

I don’t particularly like all of the killing. But I’m pretty fucking good at it and someone has to do it, I suppose. I certainly never considered it sexy in any way. Then, after that first time, when she begged me to tell her all of the gruesome details, and I watched her skin start to flush and her pupils dilate…well, fuck, that put a new spin on everything.

I still don’t like it, that part hasn’t changed. I get no pleasure from pulling that trigger and watching their skull break open like a fucking pinata, spraying the contents of their brains all over the floor like the world’s worst party game. Now, however, there is a sick little spark that will ignite in me after it’s done. Because I know how it will turn her on.

And, fuck, I am weak.

That’s what this all boils down to. Weakness. For most people that meet me or know me in any way, weak is probably the last word they would use to describe me. Cold; bitter; sarcastic; asshole. Those adjectives are much more likely to be used. But weak? Doubtful.

I know the truth, though. Deep down, that is what I am. Because when you continue to break someone’s heart time and time again, just because you can’t control your own basic urges…that’s weakness. Pure and simple.

She has told me how much I’ve hurt her, and how much I am ruining her life. She has screamed and cried and told me all of the things I know I deserve to hear. She has called me an asshole more times than I can remember, and I have never disputed it. So, I stay away, like I know I should. Until she inevitably calls again. And I slip right back into it without another thought. Like the absolute fucking bastard that I am.

Weak.

Because even though I know it’s wrong and I’m slowly poisoning her with my selfishness, each time I think maybe it will be different. Maybe this time will be the time when I stay. When I will finally be the person I should be and really want to be.

All the way up until the early morning, I will convince myself that this is it. I’ve finally seen the light and I can be the man she deserves; it will be so easy. Because when it’s just the two of us, in our own little cocoon, hidden away from the outside world, the idea is magical. I would give anything to stay there, tucked away, fucking like animals until we’re both too exhausted to talk anymore. I want to stay there and listen to her voice, and her laugh, and feel her hands on my touch-starved body. And I think, yes, this is it. This is what I want.

Then morning comes and the spell is broken.

Once that first peek of dawn starts to light up the sky, all of my anxieties come rushing back, and I remember why I can’t stay. Morning brings back the real world, and with it all of its problems.

I will freeze up, practically paralyzed with fear, as she sleeps next to me, an arm draped over my chest. I will remember what kind of person I really am, and how that just doesn’t translate to boyfriend material. And it’s not just the little fact that I am a hired assassin, although that does put a slight snag in any future meetings with parents and the like.

It’s the mixing bowl of fucked up thoughts and feelings and history that lives inside my brain. Guilt. Regret. Sadness. Rage. Take your pick, none of them are great. And I can mask them for a night or two, while I’m pretending to be someone I’m not. But they will come back again, and that’s just not something anyone needs. Especially someone you care about.

So, I do the worst, shittiest thing in the world, and leave while she’s asleep. No kiss goodbye. No note. Not even a quick morning fuck. I grab my shit and leave in a flash of blue light, like the weak coward I am. Can’t even bother to use the god damn door.

I will stay away after that. At least for a while. I will ignore the incoming texts and voice mails that sometimes will follow, and sometimes don’t. I’ll pretend I don’t care about the lectures and pleas and rightly-deserved insults. But I do care. And that’s why I won’t answer.

A month might go past, maybe more. Just enough time for me to start thinking she really is done with me. Then the call will come through, late at night, and I won’t ignore it. Because, as we’ve determined…I am weak.

She is the only one, although I’ve never told her that and I bet she thinks she’s not. I’m not interested in anyone else. I don’t need anyone else. And when she stops calling for good, which one day I know will happen, that will be it. It’s either her or nobody. And it’s barely even her.

Our paths almost never cross outside of our little midnight meetings. After that first night when all of this started, I’ve never seen her anywhere else besides her apartment. I assume it’s because the types of bars and clubs I frequent are not anywhere a normal, sane person would want to spend their free evenings. But tonight, as fate would have it, I do see her. After I grab my drink off the cracked and peeling bar top and turn to look at the room behind me, I see her. And she’s not alone.

With my glass half way to my mouth, our eyes meet, and for a second neither of us move. It’s not a big place, so we aren’t that far away from one another. But it’s loud and crowded, and the guy is leaning in close to her ear, talking loudly to be heard over the constant bass thumping through the shitty speakers on the walls. Who the fuck is this guy?

It’s not fair, I know that. Believe me, I know that. And I try to give myself a stern talking-to inside my head. She is not yours. Not even remotely. You are an asshole and she deserves better. Leave her the fuck alone.

I take a drink. And then I see his hand disappear under the table, and I can see everything from where I’m standing. He’s squeezing her thigh, leaving his hand there to rest on her leg, rubbing his thumb across the bare skin that isn’t covered by her short skirt. A skirt I know I’ve had my face under before.

Fuck. I hate this guy.

In the thirty seconds that it takes for all of this to happen, she is watching me. Reading me. A faint smile plays on her lips and I know I’m caught. My thoughts must be written all over my face like a fucking billboard, and it’s too late to pretend I haven’t seen or that I don’t care. She’s got me.

If I were stronger, or a better person, I would leave. Pay my tab, collect my coat, and get the fuck out of there without another glance in her direction. Leave her be. Let her live her fucking life. But I am not. And I’m pissed.

My first instinct is to reach behind me, grab the Glock that’s hidden in the waistband of my pants and covered up by my suit jacket, and take care of this asshole right then and there. That would probably be the nicer thing to do, honestly. Then she’d finally see what a fucking psycho I am and that would end things once and for all. But I’m also not that stupid. Or that nice.

Instead, I stay and watch. I let her see me watching, too. I lean with my back against the bar, casually sipping my drink, and my eyes never leave her. I want her to know, even if it makes me more of a giant dick than I already am. I want her to know I am not pleased.

I have no idea who this guy is, and I don’t care. Maybe it’s their first date; maybe it’s their tenth. It doesn’t matter, I want him dead. And now that she knows that, because it’s pretty fucking obvious by the way I’m coiled like a cobra ready to strike right now, it’s quickly become a game. If she had feelings for him before, that seems to have been forgotten now. Because everything she is doing is for me.

Her eyes leave mine and she returns to what I can only imagine is a very dull conversation with the Neanderthal sitting next to her. She smiles and laughs, and moves her leg closer to his so that they are touching. She reaches up and fixes his hair, tucking a stray piece of it over his ear. She rests her chin on her hand and stares at him like he’s the most interesting person she’s ever encountered. And he’s eating this shit up; kicking his game up a notch with even more inane talk and rubbing her thigh up and down with his whole hand. He thinks she’s into him. Fucking dumbass.

That’s the only thing keeping me slightly calm at the moment. Knowing it’s all a play. She is a really good actress, I’ll give her that, but I’ve paid more attention to her than she realizes. I know her tells. I know the difference between her fake laugh and her real one. I can tell when she’s actively engaged in the conversation or she is just waiting for you to shut up. I know how she touches her face when she’s nervous and I know what she looks like when she wants to fuck you.

And, buddy…I got bad news for you.

The corner of my mouth lifts in an arrogant smirk as I take another drink. I shouldn’t be proud of this; I should be appalled. How dare I think I have any right to any of her little traits and quirks? I haven’t earned that. That kind of thing is reserved for boyfriends and husbands and people that can stand to stick around for more than a few hours.

When she runs her tongue over her lips in an obvious gesture meant only for me, I actually laugh out loud. Fuck, she knows what she’s doing. And it’s one hundred percent working.

As I order my second drink, feeling the calming buzz of the booze fill my brain, I start to care less and less. I don’t care if this is not fair. I don’t care that I’m being a complete and utter shit head. I don’t care if I’m weak. I’ll deal with all of that later.

I take out my phone and type out a quick text.

Enjoying yourself?

I watch as she glances to her phone on the table as it lights up. She picks it up, angling it away from Caveman Cliff, and reads it. It’s subtle, but I saw it. A brief twitch of her mouth and a quick flit of her eyes in my direction. I see her type out a quick reply and then she is back to him, completely enrapt in his droning.

Immensely, thank you

Not able to resist, I counter with:

Even I can tell from way over here that your panties are as dry as the desert

She holds in a smile as she responds back.

Too bad you’re not going to find out

Honey, if that pussy of yours is even slightly wet, it’s only because you’re thinking of me bending you over that table you’re sitting at right now

I see her legs shift and she crosses one over the other, squeezing them together as a faint blush covers her cheeks.

And why would I be thinking that?

Because that dipshit you’re with isn’t going to give you what I know you want

I watch as she swallows and then glances at the idiot to her left that is oblivious to all of this, the poor bastard. Her response is short.

Fuck you

She puts her phone away to end this exchange, but I see the small smile she is trying to hide and the way she touches her hand to her face. I can see her chest expand as she sucks in a deep breath, biting at the inside of her cheek.

I give a short snort of satisfaction and put my phone back in my inside jacket pocket. I got what I wanted. I throw back the rest of my drink, leave a few dollars for a tip, and head for the door without another look in her direction. But I know she saw me leave.

As I wait there in the dark, I think about how awful I’m being; what a shit bag move this is. I’m using her, that’s what it boils down to. Using her for her warmth and her openness, and to temporarily calm my mind. Also, for her body and her touch. She sees something in me that isn’t there; or at least something I can’t see. But I can’t or won’t give her what she needs, and I’m also not letting her move on.

Fuck, I’m an asshole.

I hear their voices coming down the hall, the rattle of keys in her hand. As they near the door, I can hear her made up excuses. She’s tired; she had too much to drink; she has a headache. Maybe next time. She’ll call him tomorrow. Then she slips inside her darkened apartment and the door closes behind her.

I’m on her before she has a chance to turn the light on, pressing her against the door as she drops her keys on the floor. Since I’ve been waiting, the anticipation has already made me fully hard and I push my groin into her while I circle my hand lightly around her neck.

“What’s the matter, sweetheart? No love connection tonight?” I growl next to her ear.

She never even screams or fights back. She knew I would be there. But her hands grab my forearm and I hear her suck in a loud breath.

“I never knew you were the jealous type,” she smarts back.

“Only when I see someone try to take what’s mine,” I hiss hotly against her neck, drawing my lips and then my tongue across her skin.

“I’m not your fucking property,” she snarls, but I can hear the break in her voice and she swallows hard against my hand.

I laugh cynically. “Well, then I can go and you can let him fuck you instead. Is that what you want?”

There’s a long pause and it’s just our loud breathing in the dark of the room. Then I feel her head move slowly from side to side.

“No,” she whispers.

As I crash my mouth onto hers, my hands in her hair and on her face, and down to her tits, she is reaching for the front of my pants. I had already removed my jacket and belt when I got there, as well as the pistol that I always carry with me. Our little act back at the bar was already enough foreplay and our bodies are screaming for each other.

Our hands can’t work fast enough as she is shoving my pants down my legs and tearing my shirt open while I rip her top off and yank her skirt up. My fingers are already pushing her panties to the side and entering her, sliding right in with no resistance.

I smile proudly against her neck. “I knew you were wet for me.”

As she moans and throws her head back, she is reaching down to stroke my cock, her warm hand tight and firm as she drags it slowly over my shaft.

My hips are already jerking into her and I want to be inside of her so badly I can’t think straight.

“Get these panties off so I can fuck you,” I snarl.

I pull my fingers out, pushing her underwear down roughly and she quickly steps out of them. With one pull of her hips into me, her arms clutching tightly to my shoulders, I lift her up and start fucking her against the door.

I tip my head back and groan loudly as she whines and pulls her legs tighter around my waist.

“Can he make you feel this good?” I ask between clenched teeth as I ram into her harder and the door rattles in its frame.

“No!” she cries out.

“Do you think about him when you’re alone and fingering yourself?”

Her moans are punctuated by the slamming of my body against hers and her fingers press deeper into my skin.

“No,” she breathes out. “No.”

“You think about me, don’t you?” I say with a sneer. When she doesn’t answer fast enough, I ask again, louder. “Don’t you?”

“Yes,” she whimpers pitifully, her nails digging sharply into my shoulder blades.

I can’t believe what I’m saying and what I’m doing. But she’s loving it and so I continue.

“I’m going to fuck you until you forget all about him, and then I’m going to fuck you some more. And if I ever see you with him again, I will kill him.”

“You wanted to kill him, didn’t you?” she asks, and that knowing smile starts to form as she closes her eyes and bites her lip. “When you saw him with me?”

“Fuck yes I did,” I groan loudly into her neck.

She’s almost there, I can tell. So am I, but I’m going to make her finish first. I pick up the pace, thrusting into her as hard as I can, her back and head slamming against the door, my fingers digging deeper into the flesh of her thighs and ass. I’m practically ripping into the side of her neck, latching on with my mouth and teeth, desperate to mark her as my own.

I listen as she repeats my name over and over in gasps and moans and I can’t hold back anymore.

“That’s it, sweetheart. You are all mine.”

She is falling apart in my arms, violently shaking against me as I penetrate her one last time, letting out a loud, guttural moan. I’m as deep inside of her as I can be, and I fill her up with so much cum, I know it will start sliding out; dripping down her legs and onto the floor. Somewhere deep inside, in the primordial part of my brain, I take satisfaction in knowing that it’s my seed, and only mine, that is coating her insides.

Once the last spasm has left my body, I let her down and she falls back against the door, breathing hard. Her bra is still on, but the straps have fallen down, and her skirt is bunched up around her waist. I look at the painful looking purple bruise I left on her neck, which is large enough and obvious enough that she won’t be able to cover it. Her eye makeup is smeared and her lips are swollen and red. She looks completely ravished. And then she starts to cry.

It’s because of me, I know it is. Because of the things I said and the things I did, and the way I needed her so desperately. She had been trying to break away from me and I reeled her back in. And I did it knowingly and deliberately, just to feed my ego and maybe not feel so alone. I could have found anyone for that. But, like the prick I am, I only wanted her.

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly, my lungs still working hard to get air in and out.

She just nods silently, wiping her face with her hand, and pulls down her skirt. She picks her shirt and underwear off the floor and heads to the bathroom without a word. I’m left standing there with a softening dick and my pants around my ankles.

Fuck.

I could leave now, while she’s in there, and maybe I should. That feels wrong, though. But then again, so does staying. I feel like shit and I’m so full of shame that I want to punch my fist through the wall. Instead, I zip my pants back up and walk over to her couch to wait. I turn on the table lamp and even though it’s dim, it feels blaringly bright and I have to squint my eyes.

When she comes out, she has changed into some soft shorts and a t-shirt. Her face is cleaned up and I assume her thighs and the area between them are too. She is no longer crying, but I can still see the tell-tale signs of red-rimmed eyes and flushed cheeks. I’m surprised when she comes and sits down next to me, laying her head on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” I say again, because I can’t think of anything better to say.

“I know. Me too,” she says and she leans her body against mine.

She has nothing to be sorry for and I’m not sure what to do, so I put my arm around her and hug her to me. I kiss her forehead and she closes her eyes. I don’t know why she’s letting me do this, but it feels good and I like it. Just like every other time, I tell myself that maybe this time will be different. I can do this; I can be that person. I don’t want to be that other jealous, callous, hurtful person. I don’t want to be the asshole.

“Just don’t go yet, ok?” she says quietly with her cheek resting against my chest.

I smooth her hair and run my hand down her back. I don’t want to go. She feels good and warm and soft against my tension-filled body. She feels right. I want to tell her all of that, too. I want to say I’m sorry a million times over and beg for her forgiveness. I want to wake up with her next to me every day.

“You’re so beautiful, you know that?” I murmur into her hair as I brush my chin across the top of her head.

“Don’t do that,” she pleads, her voice soft. “Please.”

I decide I’m going to tell her how I really feel. Before the night is over, I’ll come clean. And then I’ll stay. If she’ll still have me.

“You are, though. I mean it.”

She doesn’t respond, but sighs and nestles in, holding me around my waist. Fuck, I have craved this. More than the dirty talk and the biting and the ferocious fucking. I want this. I want her. And I’m going to tell her.

The rest of the night goes by in a blur. It’s there, on the tip of my tongue the whole time. All I have to do is say it. But I don’t.

We fuck again, rough and hard, on the couch and on the floor. I leave more marks on her chest, branding her as my own. I tell her she’s mine, and I make her scream my name again, but I don’t say what I really mean.

We fuck in her bed, while we’re both tired and slightly drunk. I pump lazily into her while she lies underneath me and moans softly. I kiss her lips and tell her how gorgeous she is, and it’s not a lie because she is. I worship her body, running my tongue over every part of it, tasting her skin and her delicious arousal. I can taste my own cum as I lick into her soft folds and inside her pussy that’s been stretched and abused by my cock several times over.

There are so many opportunities and I don’t take any of them. I let her fold her body into mine as I hold her in the dark and I can say it right now. It would be easy and it would be the truth.

I want to be with you.

I want to be yours.

I want you to be mine and mine alone.

I want to stay.

But I am weak, and so I don’t.

She sleeps against me and I listen to her rhythmic breathing while I lie there wide awake. I think about all of the things I should have said. Everything I should have done and should not have done. I hate myself for all of it.

When the sun creeps in, and the faintest light is leaking through the curtains and cutting through the safety of the darkness, it all comes crashing back. I remember why I can’t stay and why those words just wouldn’t come out. The reality of the real world is glaringly obvious in the light of day and I remember all of it.

The real world is filled with everyday things like jobs and homes and bills to pay. Coworkers and families that want to meet you. Graduation and birthday parties. Movie and dinner dates, holidays and vacations. Marriage. Children. Normalcy.

There’s just no way any of that would work. I can’t fit into that life, even though I want to. I think of all of the things holding me back and they keep piling up until they are crushing me and I feel like I can’t breathe.

I am an assassin. A killer. A murderer. I have seen the end of the world and survived the most horrific things. I have PTSD and crippling anxiety. There are nightmares and paranoia and episodes of manic rage. I am old and I am tired. There is nothing left of me and nothing left to give. I am not meant for normalcy.

As I slowly remove her arm from across my chest, she stirs but she doesn’t wake. I take a moment to look at her. Her mind isn’t betraying her with vivid dreams of the world collapsing around her in a fiery blaze or sprays of bullets piercing her body. She is at peace and I am envious of that.

I am not good for her, I know that. I need to go and stay gone. She deserves stability and happiness and a million other things I cannot give her. So, I will be the asshole that leaves in the morning before she wakes, just like I always do. She will hate me and curse me and cry for me. And I will stay away this time. I have to.

I chance it by leaning in and brushing my lips across her forehead. Her face wrinkles up and then relaxes again, but she doesn’t wake. I slip out of the bed and out of the room, following the trail of discarded clothes and put them back on one by one. Then I am gone in the same flash of light that allowed me to enter there in the first place. A convenient exit that I have misused way too many times.

Outside, the sun is bright and the world is waking up. I can feel my resolve growing stronger as the new day builds. That was it, I am done. It was awful and I shouldn’t have done it, but it’s over now and I will not be repeating it. I am a pillar of inner strength. That was the last time and she is finally free of me. I am doing the right thing.

My strength is impressive, both inside and out. But it is not impenetrable, especially when darkness falls and the world around me grows quiet. When I am alone with nothing but my thoughts, and I just need to feel something good again.

Everyone has a weakness.

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