#no because so many times the protagonist has looked on to the sky and saw his mother or felt the ghost of his mother's influence and even

[sebbyisland]

Blood on the Tracks - Oshimi Shuzo

[itsthislake]

Shen Yuan transmigrated as a Spirit Cat AU (part 2)

First chapter.

---

The rest of the examination, all dutifully narrated by Mu Qingfang, passed in something of a blur comprised mostly of internal screaming and a great deal of cursing, and he only came back to reality when he was picked up by a pair of warm hands.

Shen Yuan flinched and looked up at the man who could only be Liu Qingge, the War God of Bai Zhan and older brother of Best Wife, Liu Mingyan. Living proof that this was a time before the protagonist joined Qing Jing Peak.

Liu Qingge died by Shen Qingqiu’s hand sometime around then, after all.

“Come on,” he said, easily settling Shen Yuan on the crook of his arm and starting to walk like this was an established routine of many years instead of something that had happened twice so far and once under duress.

Distracted as he was, Shen Yuan didn’t bother to question it until they were already flying on— on Cheng Luan again. This sword was as cool as he had imagined, now that he looked at it properly. He smacked Liu Qingge’s arm with his paw until he got his attention, then meowed in question.

Liu Qingge stared for a second before seemingly realizing what he was asking.

“We’re going to see the sect leader, Yue Qingyuan,” he explained. “I need to give him my mission report. And inform him of your presence on the mountain.”

“Meow?”

“Cang Qiong has a rule about bringing in any Spirit Cats that we find. For protection,” Liu Qingge clarified, giving him an unreadable look. “There aren’t many left, so Spirit Cats sell high in many circles. None that our sect supports, of course.”

Huh. Shen Yuan hadn’t known that, even after jogging his memory post realizing which world this is.

He remembered Colored Claw Spirit Cats being mentioned in one of the later chapters of PIDW, something about how they had all gone extinct because of human greed and whatnot. He thinks it might have been wife #629 who complained about how tragic it was to Luo Binghe before the protagonist comforted her with his tried-and-true heavenly pillar. In hindsight, that was probably the last bit of actual worldbuilding Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky had given them before deciding to write terrible papapa and needlessly convoluted harem shenanigans for the next sixty or so chapters before the end of the novel.

What Shen Yuan hadn’t known, however, was that Cang Qiong Mountain Sect actively rescued and protected Spirit Cats. Of course, with the sect long since destroyed and most of the Peak Lords dead or integrated into the harem and promptly abandoned, there was no reason whatsoever for that to come up at that point in the novel.

Regardless, it was an interesting detail of this world, as well as an incredibly convenient fact for him now.

“Liu Qingge,” Liu Qingge said abruptly. Shen Yuan blinked at him, watching the red slowly creep up his ears with slight fascination. Woah. He even blushed prettily, how unfair. “My name. It’s Liu Qingge. I realized I didn’t introduce myself earlier.”

Oh, that was very polite of him. Which was a little strange coming from the guy who chased him through a village for almost four hours earlier that day and who he just saw kick his shidi’s office door in for no real reason. Shen Yuan huffed, then rubbed his face on the man’s arm, purring pleasantly.

“Hmm. Do you have a name?”

“Meow!”

“I see.”

What do you see? Shen Yuan wanted to ask, genuinely confused as to what Liu Qingge thought he understood. Alas, for lack of the vocal cords necessary for human speech, he just settled back down instead and decided to enjoy the ride.

Flying was kind of fun, he was learning.

---

Yue Qingyuan met Shen Yuan’s sudden presence on his mountain with a not inconsiderable amount of polite confusion.

Then, after Liu Qingge explained the situation, including the results of Mu Qingfang’s examination that Shen Yuan had missed almost entirely and was thus glad to hear summarized now, the sect leader just rolled with it with as much grace as his character in the novel took anything unrelated to Shen Qingqiu.

So far, Shen Yuan’s first impression of the sect leader was very much in line with what he already knew from PIDW.

Afterwards, Yue Qingyuan helpfully elaborated on Cang Qiong’s policy on Spirit Cats that Liu Qingge had mentioned earlier. Apparently, the claws of adult Spirit Cats sold very high among a significant number of cultivator circles because of their special properties, and the declawed creatures were usually sold as ‘exotic pets’ to nobles, where they would inevitably die from either improper care or health issues brought on by the loss of their claws. If caught by the wrong people, young Spirit Cats like himself would most likely be caged and tortured to quicken the awakening of their special abilities.

Because of this massive traffic that was both somehow legal and absolutely horrid to think about, the number of Spirit Cats left had been on the decline for many decades now, and none had reached a point in their cultivation where they could take a human form in over three centuries, as far as anyone was aware.

Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, as well as a number of other sects, strictly forbade the abuse of Spirit Cats and the use of their claws to further their cultivation, as well as offered sanctuary for any that they found in the wild or rescued.

“It has been many years since the last time a Spirit Cat resided in Cang Qiong,” Yue Qingyuan said regretfully, tone somber. “When this lord was still head disciple, he had the privilege to meet with one. Master Zhou’s meridians had unfortunately been crippled before he came to our sect, so he never managed to cultivate to a human form despite achieving immortality. This one was told that he was the youngest of a trio of siblings who were rescued together, but that his older sisters had already been declawed and thus did not manage to survive long even in our care. Lan Qingyi, the current Lord of the Shan Shou Peak, was the one who took care of Master Zhou during his final years.”

Listening to Yue Qingyuan’s recounting felt like a bucket of cold water had been dropped on him. All the terrible, horrible things that had made PIDW’s worldbuilding engaging were now real. It was his reality, and that of the people who were here now and had been here before him. The reality of Master Zhou who in the end was unable to reach Ascension, of his sisters who suffered so much and died long before their time. It caused Shen Yuan’s fur to stand on end as he listened to the sect leader speak.

However.

It also felt a little bit like hope. Because, see, for every trafficker out there, for every cruel bastard out to get his kind, there was also a person willing to protect them. Willing to give Spirit Cats a place where they could grow and live peacefully. 

And those people were here, in Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, offering him that help now as well.

Huan Hua Palace, on the other hand, was perfectly fine with capturing Spirit Cats and using them as they saw fit. There were even rumors that the Old Palace Master had kept one or two declawed Spirit Cats as pets not so long ago.

Needless to say, Shen Yuan had dodged a massive bullet there. It was nothing short of a miracle that Liu Qingge was the one the villagers asked for help and not a cultivator from Huan Hua Palace, seeing as it was literally their territory.

Shen Yuan had seen Huan Hua Palace disciples flying around, for fuck’s sake.

Liu Qingge’s other hand had come up to rest lightly on top of him at some point during the story and Shen Yuan silently leaned into it, rubbing his cheek against his palm in an instinctual, soothing motion as he tried to burrow his body deeper into the crook of his arm.

“This conversation has taken a dark turn, my apologies,” said Yue Qingyuan softly, when the silent became too heavy. “I’m afraid that this topic is not one that can be avoided for long and it is better to be aware of the dangers sooner rather than later. This master would like to formally extend Cang Qiong Mountain Sect’s protection to the esteemed spirit, as well as an invitation to stay here for however long he wishes.”

Shen Yuan meowed quietly in agreement, and watched as the sect leader smiled gently at him. Then the man nodded, reaching for a brush and some paper.

“We’ll need to record your arrival and arrange everything for your stay,” he informed them. Even if the heavy thoughts lingered in his mind, for now the dark atmosphere seemed to have lifted as they moved onto another topic, for which Shen Yuan was grateful.

Yue Qingyuan paused, as if only now remembering something, and looked up at them curiously.

“Ah. We require a name for the paperwork. Since it was Liu-shidi who found and brought him to the sect, perhaps he could name the esteemed spirit as well?”

Without a moment of hesitation, Liu Qingge shook his head.

“He already has a name,” he informed solemnly.

“Oh?” Yue Qingyuan raised his eyebrows, looking expectantly at him. Shen Yuan also stared, wondering what he would answer. He obviously never told him his name and he was certain that the War God couldn’t read minds.

(Well. Mostly certain, anyway. Great Master Airplane was hardly reliable when it came to developing characters who weren’t wives or Luo Binghe past a certain point in the novel, or any characters at all past another point just slightly ahead in the novel, and Shen Yuan wouldn’t be surprised if he’d somehow forgotten to mention such an important aspect of this awesome character that he’d killed off-screen.

Would he be angry? Of course. Disappointed by the wasted potential? Most definitely. But surprised? After reading that whole godawful story? Ha! As if. Shen Yuan knew exactly what he was in for when he paid for each chapter.)

“He did not tell me what it is,” said the man who, as expected, could not read minds.

Liu Qingge! Shen Yuan cried in his mind, a little exasperated.

“Ah. Of course,” said the sect leader, smiling politely at both of them. He looked like he wanted to sigh but was too polite to do so and had instead defaulted to smiling. “However, I still need a name for the report. Until he can tell us his name, how does the esteemed spirit feel about having a nickname?”

Liu Qingge frowned at the same time that Shen Yuan perked up.

“A nickname?”

“Yes. Something simple and easy to remember that we can use in the meantime.”

Shen Yuan meowed pointedly, tapping Liu Qingge in the arm. The man just stared back silently, clearly deep in thought, before he nodded.

“The children at the village called him Xiao Maomi,” he declared.

“Xiao Maomi?” Yue Qingyuan repeated, looking at Shen Yuan for confirmation.

Shen Yuan considered it. It was very on the nose for a nickname, likely because it was a bunch of little kids who thought of it in the first place, but ‘little kitty’ wasn’t too terrible all things considered. He could have gotten stuck with a name like Doudou or Danhuang. Now that would have been embarrassing.

Therefore, he meowed positively. It was only temporary anyways so he didn’t care much.

Yue Qingyuan smiled politely, reaching for a brush. “Very well. We’ll put ‘Xiao Maomi’ down in the paperwork for now. It can always be changed at a later date.”

While Yue Qingyuan wrote, Shen Yuan looked up at Liu Qingge, considering. Then he wiggled out from under Liu Qingge’s hand, earning himself a curious look that he ignored, and used his claws to quickly climb up his arm and settle on the man’s shoulder, head resting on the collar of his robes.

The reason why the children of the village had taken to calling him ‘little kitty,’ as opposed to only ‘kitty,’ was immediately obvious to anybody with working eyes. This body of his was quite small even for an average cat’s, even a kitten’s, which had worked in his favor while he was sneaking around the village and against him during fights.

Shen Yuan had originally attributed this to a lack of proper nutrition coupled with a young age, but even after months of stealing food he remained around the same size. Now he wondered if maybe it had something to do with him being a Colored Claw Spirit Cat. He made a mental note to find more information on them later.

Right now, however, his small body meant that he was the perfect size to lay down on Liu Qingge’s shoulders and not have to worry about falling, something he intended to take full advantage of.

Liu Qingge huffed quietly, but made no moves to stop Shen Yuan.

Eventually, the sect leader set down his brush and looked back at them with a considering expression.

“In regards to Maomi-xiansheng’s new living arrangements,” he began lightly. “Normally, all Spirit Cats would be sent to the Shan Shou Peak where they’d be able to settle down and live their lives comfortably. However, Peak Lord Lan is currently in seclusion, and this master is uncertain whether any of her disciples are equipped to house and care for Maomi-xiansheng, as they are all quite young and inexperienced still.”

Ah, Shan Shou Peak, the Beast Taming Peak. One of many places that only got one or two lines when Luo Binghe joined and later destroyed Cang Qiong in PIDW. Shen Yuan had always been curious about this particular peak and all the (obviously wasted) potential it held, something he had ranted about on many occasions in the comment section. Infuriatingly, that hack author had once replied to one of his comments with, “okay okay chill dude, I’ll describe more of the sect in the next chapter,” and then spent six whole paragraphs describing Xian Shu Peak’s bathhouse and all the shijies in it.

Shen Yuan had never genuinely considered murder in his past life, but by god did he get close that day. He was sure his comment, written in a fugue state of pure rage, had reflected that.

“Doesn’t Lan Qingyi have Hall Masters on her peak?” Liu Qingge said, and though Shen Yuan couldn’t exactly see his expression from his position, he got the impression that the man was scowling as he said that.

“I believe they are occupied caring for all the creatures already in-house and teaching the disciples during Lan-shimei’s absence,” Yue Qingyuan answered, tone as close to exasperated as possible while still remaining polite. “Lan-shimei’s approach to her duties as Peak Lord is very different to Liu-shidi’s, after all.”

Shen Yuan had no idea what that was about, but he could almost feel the self-restraint it took Liu Qingge not to huff. The sect leader continued before he could question it.

“Nonetheless, with Shan Shou Peak not being an option, Maomi-xiansheng will need another place to stay, at least until Lan-shimei is back. Since it was Liu-shidi who brought him here, perhaps he wouldn’t mind housing Maomi-xiansheng until then?”

“En,” Liu Qingge nodded, after a moment of thought. “I do not mind.”

Yue Qingyuan smiled in response.

“Thanking shidi.”

And thus, Shen Yuan moved in with Liu Qingge.

[nyaagolor]

SV PMD AU but it has a plot now

Saw some great replies on a post and got thinking abt this again. Under the cut bc it's Long

Violeta (protagonist) is a faller, so she ends up in the PMD world bc she's already pretty predisposed to dimension-hopping. I'm gonna say the professor messing with the time machine is the reason she ends up there. It's also the reason behind a lot of the funky stuff going on but we'll get to that later

Violeta falls from the sky and is found by Nemona, whose pushy and overenthusiastic demeanor freaks Violeta out. She runs off after hearing Nemona talking about "bringing her to the guild" bc she doesn't know what the guild is and doesn't trust her, but in trying to escape falls into a mystery dungeon where she's separated from Nemona

Violeta runs into the 'raidon in the dungeon, who is mute, scared, and lost. The two of them work their way out as a little "tutorial" section, with the 'raidon teaching Violeta the mechanics of the PMD world

They run into a pack of Houndour at the end, who are feral and attack on sight. Nemona, who had dived into the dungeon after Violeta and has been looking for her, finally catches up with them just as the 'raidon steps in to wipe the floor with the Houndour (to Nemona's total shock). She leads them out of the dungeon

Having calmed down and unsure what to do next, Violeta finally agrees to hear Nemona out because she's confused and wants to know what just happened. Nemona explains they were in a mystery dungeon-- underground labyrinths that started appearing recently and have a different layout every time you enter. She says that some pokemon have been disappearing and going feral, which is likely related to the dungeons themselves, and that the guild-- a group of pokemon explorers and rescuers-- have had their hands full trying to rescue lost and feral pokemon alike as they try to figure out why this is happening. She invites the 'raidon and Violeta to the guild

Figuring their lack of memories is connected to the dungeons and each other, Violeta decides to partner up with the 'raidon, who admits they're not much of a fighter and lost all their strength in that last battle. Nemona takes them to the guild (aka naranja/uva academy) where they're introduced to all the teachers and staff

While talking to Clavell about their unknown pasts, he suggests forming an exploration team to look for answers. Nemona begs them to join a team with her, saying they can get stronger while searching for answers. Unsure of what else to do, Violeta and the 'raidon agree. This begins the Victory Road storyline

Taking the idea for gym battles from a reply by pocato bc it's genius: taking on a "gym" involves escorting a gym leader through a dungeon (the difficulty and length of which depends on how many badges you have already), then fighting them at the end as a sort of boss battle. Nemona, who already beat all of them by herself a while ago, has to stay behind at a midpoint checkpoint because having her fight the gym leader with you would be unfair. You get a badge for a success, and you can battle the gym leaders in any order. This kinda replaces the explorer rank from other games and gives you access to stronger and stronger dungeons

Nemona also challenges you to sparring matches to test whether you're ready for different gyms, but these are more informal

A few gyms in, the team is exploring a dungeon when they run into three pokemon having a discussion at a checkpoint. It looks like the two are harassing the third, an especially small and fluffy eevee who looks like she wants to leave. Violeta jumps in to scare the other two off, defeating them easily, and the eevee looks very impressed, introducing herself as Penny, thanking Violeta and leaving

Shortly after, Nemona gets called for official League business (the league is another guild that has all the gym leaders / E4 in it) and has to split from the team for a long while. At this point, Penny approaches Violeta, begging her to try and bring to justice a team of vicious outlaws named Team Star, even offering to join the team to give intel and help out with items. This begins Starfall Street

Violeta is approached by a strange guild apprentice named Clive, who is definitely not Clavell disguising himself as a different pokemon (very poorly). He explains that he thinks there's something strange about Team Star and wants to get to the bottom of this, so he joins the team too, though only to heal you and chat

The new quintet ventures deep into dungeons where each of the team star bosses are said to reside. Upon reaching the final floor, the team star grunts all rush them at once (monster house time). Most are feral or close to it, which Penny seems particularly upset about. Defeating all the grunts alerts the boss, who is always completely feral and attacks the team in a blind rage. Upon their defeat, it's easy to see that all these outlaws are just children living in the dungeons who had gone feral. Clive is shocked by this, and chooses to bring the bosses and grunts back to the guild to recover rather than turning them into the authorities

Being removed from the dungeon slowly brings these feral pokemon back to their senses, and Clive uses this opportunity to get their side of the story, learning more about the past of each team star boss. He begins to suspect there's far more going on, especially because all the bosses mention having been in the guild despite no records of their apprenticeship existing. It also becomes increasingly apparent that Penny knows these bosses personally and had intended on rescuing them from the dungeons from the beginning, choosing to lie about her intentions. Clive vows to uncover the truth behind it all

About three bosses in while the team is hanging around the guild, a pokemon named Arven corners Violeta and begs the team for their help. Penny doesn't want to stop the Team Star stuff, but Clive admits they might have to focus on the recovery of the bosses and grunts they already defeated before they go saving more since the infirmary is already overloaded. Plus, he wants to talk to Penny alone and hopefully get more info from her and the bosses, who seem wary of the guild. Penny reluctantly agrees, so she and Clive stay behind to deal with Team Star stuff while Violeta and the 'raidon help Arven. Arven not-so-subtly asks 'raidon to not come with them, which confuses Violeta. Path of Legends storyline Begin

They go on their first mission to find the Herba Mystica at the bottom floor of a dungeon, but Arven is constantly being rude as fuck to the 'raidon and refuses to tell Violeta why he needs the HM in the first place. Upon getting to the bottom floor they're confronted by a huge, angry titan pokemon, who they manage to defeat. Arven takes the herba mystica and makes it into an edible spread. When the 'raidon tries to eat some Arven snaps and him and Violeta finally goes off, telling Arven he's a total jerk and that she won't help him anymore if he's going to act like this

Arven freaks out and admits that he wasn't telling the whole truth, and that he needs the HM to heal his partner, who was hurt protecting him and who won't respond to regular medicine. He had to go to Violeta because his partner is a wanted outlaw so the guild would never help. He also admits that he has a grudge against the 'raidon for "ruining his childhood" which the 'raidon guiltily confirms. Neither elaborate. Violeta makes Arven promise to be nicer to the 'raidon-- or at least try-- if she wants his help, and he agrees

They speedrun the entire Path of Legends storyline, with the professor appearing as a vision rather than a phonecall in the bottom floor of each dungeon. The 'raidon also reacts to the HM, gaining new powers and allowing them to travel to new dungeons. Arven and the 'raidon seem to know more about this than they let on. After the last HM is collected, Mabosstiff becomes healed and they all cry yadda yadda. At this point, Arven and Mabosstiff split off from the group to train so they won't get injured like this again. They also imply they need to be stronger for something in particular but don't say what it is

Violeta goes back to the guild, having finished Path of Legends, and keeps going with Starfall Street. They defeat the last two bosses, then get the full story about Team Star: the bosses were all guild apprentices who for various reasons were bullied. They challenged their bullies to a battle in attempts to intimidate their bullies, but the plan backfired spectacularly. The bullies ended up leaving the guild, but not before saying this "Team Star" was a band of outlaws who threatened them. They even destroyed guild property to further frame these kids as villains. Team Star was kicked out of the guild and labeled as outlaws, being forced into hiding lest they wanted to be arrested

The last guildmaster's assistant eventually realized they were mistaken, but knew that falsely accusing children like that would destroy the guild's reputation, so he erased their records from the guild, further shrouding these outlaws in mystery. The bosses were forced to live in caves and stuff, which all turned into dungeons recently and caused the bosses and grunts living there to go feral. Penny tells Violeta that she's been in contact with Cassiopeia the entire time, and that Cassiopeia wants Violeta to defeat her / bring her to justice so that she can atone for hurting her friends, as she was the one who encouraged their decisions

When Violeta arrives at the guild battle court at night, Clavell is there and tries to take responsibility, saying he is Cassiopeia. However, after defeating him, Penny appears, saying that she's not going to just sit there and let others take the blame for her mistakes anymore-- she's Cassiopeia, and she can't handle the guilt of hurting her friends anymore. Violeta does defeat her in the end, but tells Penny she can't turn her into the authorities anymore because Team Star has been pardoned. At this point, Clive reveals himself as Clavell to them both, with the bosses also showing up and admitting they told Clavell everything and he cleared their name. The bosses are so happy to see Penny For Real this time, and say that Clavell invited them back to the guild and they want her to join them. Everyone cries, happy ending, Starfall Street complete

After that whole series of adventures, Violeta nearly forgot that she technically is still on an exploration team with Nemona and hasn't actually finished the gyms. Nemona returns, having been testing the gym leaders for the League guildmaster Geeta, and encourages Violeta to finish the gym challenge especially because she's so strong now! She does, and Nemona says that she's now unlocked the final test: she has to defeat the four strongest pokemon in the guild in a row, then take out the guildmaster herself. Violeta passes with flying colors, and achieves Champion rank, which enables her to take on whatever dungeon she wants. Violeta asks to be let into Area Zero, which looms behind the academy and is rumored to be the cause of all the strange dungeons and happenings.

Geeta admits that she's not actually the strongest guild pokemon, and that if Violeta is truly powerful enough to have access to Area Zero, she'll have to defeat Nemona, who Geeta says has been dying to battle her anyway

Violeta takes on Nemona and wins, finally feeling strong enough to take on anything. Geeta allows her access into Area Zero, but begs her not to go because she "knows things are lurking down there beyond our comprehension". At this point, Arven comes back, saying he got a vision from the professor and that he needs to go to Area Zero. Violeta and Nemona are the only ones strong enough to protect him, and they also bring Penny because she learned a lot about how mystery dungeons work while trying to help Team Star and knows more about the strange reality warping magic than anyone. This is where No Way Home starts

[umekawa-eve]

How did you become close part 1

characters: Hanayama, Retsu, Katsumi and Yujiro

@HANAYAMA KAORU

On the afternoon that Saeri and Hanayama broke up (actually they only dated for about five minutes), after lunch, you lay on the desk in the classroom and stared blankly out the window, looking up at the sky, only to see a lead-grey cloud drifting leisurely across the sky. You're still thinking about what happened this morning, Saeri's courtship confession, and Hanayama's astonishing behavior, too much information for you to understand.

"Y/N, excuse me." A voice brought you back to reality from your messy thoughts.

You turned your head and looked up to see that it was Hanayama Kaoru, the protagonist of the confession incident.

After seeing who the visitor was, you straightened your back immediately and changed your prone position. For some reason, Hanayama has this kind of aura that can't be ignored, and people unconsciously respect him.

"Is it about 'that'?" you ask in a deliberately low voice, even though there aren't many people in the classroom.

"...not like that," he said. "I just wanted to ask you how to do the math homework."

Hearing this, you can't help but breathe a sigh of relief, thinking that Hanayama was here to talk to you about that incident.

"Which question do you want to ask? Let me see." Saying that you took Hanayama's math homework and found that it was all blank and didn't write a single word.

"All."

You are taken aback by Hanayama's assertive tone.

"All? There are many questions that the teacher has explained in the class."

Hanayama bowed his head in frustration. "Sorry, I don't understand... The teacher teaches too fast."

Seeing his discouraged look, you couldn't bear it, so you quickly comforted him: "No, it's okay! This is very simple, and I can teach you."

Hanayama looked up suddenly, looking at you with some sort of admiration.

"Then, I'll leave it to you." he said sincerely.

Then you ask Hanayama to bring a chair over and sit next to you because you have a hunch it will take a long time to teach him to understand.

You start with the first question:

(x-1)+2yi=11+xi

"This question is very simple. You see, these two equations are equivalent. That is to say, the left hand side is equal to the right, so the real number on the left is equal to the real number on the right, and the imaginary number on the left is equal to the imaginary number on the right."

Hanayama frowned in confusion, so you grabbed a blank piece of paper and wrote the steps on it.

x-1=11, 2y=x

"So you understand now?" you say. "Now, all you have to do is solve the equations."

Hanayama nodded in understanding, picked up a mechanical pencil, and wrote the rest of the steps on the homework. The final answer was x=12, y=6.

You clapped your hands and encouraged, "That's right! That's amazing! It's simple, right?"

Hanayama seemed to make a realization. "You are right."

Just after he said this, when he was about to do the next question, he was punched again by mathematics.

(7z+8)(12z+6)= 2(11z+3)(12z+6)

"This...this question...how to do it?" Hanayama asked weakly.

"Let's expand and simplify the two brackets on the left hand side first." you say.

Hanayama did what you said, and it went well at first, but when he saw 7z times 6, he stopped writing, turned to look at you, and asked, "7x6 is 48... right?"

"What?"

"According to my memory..."

"No... how could 7x6 be 48?"

"But…"

Hanayama wanted to refute but was stopped by you. "7x5 is 35, so 35+7 won't be 48..."

"But--"

"There is no point in persisting on this question any longer, is there?"

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying to you! Math is math! It doesn't lie to you!"

"I clearly remember that 7x6 is 48."

You‘re frustrated, "Think! Hanayama. Think! Four 7 is 28, five 7 is 35, and six 7 is what?"

Hanayama became expressionless. He turned his eyes away for a moment, stared at the sky in a trance, then looked at you again. "48, it's 48."

You got infuriated, stood up from your seat, stepped on your own chair, grabbed Hanayama's collar with one hand, and yelled at him, "Don't you fucking underestimate math!! I say 42 is 42! Write the fuck down! You fucking idiot!!"

The focus of the whole class was on you for a moment, and since then, there has been a legend in the street that a female high school student dared to grab the collar of Hanayama Kaoru, who is known as "Japan's strongest fighting expert", and yelled at him. The angry appearance of the girl's high school is like a demon and is called "Demon Face" by the world.

Subsequent:

You know it's rude to shout insults like this, so you immediately let go of Hanayama's collar and apologize. Hanayama didn't get mad and offered to invite you to dinner as a thank-you for your teaching.

The two of you became friends and became closer, and studied together in the cafe on weekends (mostly went to the maid cafe).

After you and Hanayama have become more frequent appointments, for some reason, when you walk down the road, the delinquents and the scary-looking people are respectful to you and even run away from you. As weird as you might think, it doesn't interfere with your daily life, so you quickly put these things behind you.

@RETSU KAIOU & OROCHI KATSUMI

You stay up late reading Case Closed/Great Detective Conan. Although you are not a person who likes to watch detective manga, but the male lead Conan is still likable - although according to your statistics, so far, Conan has fired a total of 90 anesthetic needles, and Richard Moore has been shot the most, he got shoot 58 times, the second place is Serena Sebastian, she got shoot 13 times ※.

(※Note: The source of the data is from 黝黑蜗壳天眼老师, and the statistical data does not include the original content of the theatrical version and animation version)

As a result, you wake up late the following day. Because it's summer vacation, your mother doesn't wake you up in principle, and you don't have to go to Shinshinkai for karate class today, so when she wakes you up with her hands on your shoulders, you feel confused at first.

"It's almost ten." said your mother.

"It’s summer vacation!" You sighed, opened your eyes hard, stretched out, and rested in the comfortable coolness of the air-conditioning. "And I stay up all night to read manga."

"You are rereading manga!" she shouted. "If you have the time to read manga, why don't you read the reference book I bought you."

"Mom, you are completely discriminating against the entire ACG community!" You retorted, "Reading manga won't kill my brain cells, but it can increase knowledge beyond textbooks."

"Then tell me what you learned in Case Closed," said the mother dryly.

"Leave the scene immediately when you meet a schoolboy who looks like Conan." you say.

"Forget it, I won't discuss this with you. Do you have any plans for today?"

"No."

"Don't you want to go out for a walk?"

"I know, I know, you just want to drive me away. I am such a sensitive and soft-hearted woman, I can't live well myself, and I can't love others well. Alas, even my own mother hates me."

"I'll give you ten thousand yen to buy something."

"Okay, thank you, mom, for your strong support. I'll go to the bookstore now."

Mother smiled, "Is it cool to go to the bookstore now?"

"I pride myself on not knowing what's cool to do." you reply.

After you eat, take a shower, and change your clothes, you go to the DemonBack Department Store by car. The DemonBack Bookstore is on the fourth floor of the DemonBack Department Store, but you first go to the food court on the second floor to buy a cup of bubble milk tea and then go to the fourth-floor bookstore.

As soon as you arrive at the bookstore, you immediately go to the manga area, and not to see ordinary manga, but BL manga, and it is the super erotic kind of BL manga.

Although you are underage, the clerks here never ask your age or ask to see your ID card. They just give you a scrutiny look, then quickly check out for you, and then put the manga in a paper bag.

By the end, the clerks were so used to you that they didn't even look at you.

On this day, you also came to the bookstore and took a manga called "Painter of The Light". When you were about to go to the cashier to check out, a familiar voice stopped you.

"Y/N!" said the voice.

You can't believe your ears, and you even wonder if you heard it wrong.

(How is that possible? I have already gone to the DemonBack Bookstore, which is far away from my home. How can I still meet acquaintances? What should I do if others find out that I like this kind of thing!)

You, who was named, swallowed and turned your head mechanically. When you saw who was coming, your face turned white instantly.

You have a bolt from the blue right now. "K-Katsumi? And... and Retsu-san?!"

The two walked towards you and stood straight in front of you.

"I didn't expect to meet you here!" Katsumi smiled at you.

"Yes, yes, haha, what a coincidence." Saying that you secretly hide the manga behind you. You're thinking, if Katsumi and Retsu know that you like Hentai BL manga, you'll probably die socially, no, not probably, you will definitely die socially.

"By the way, what books did you buy?" Retsu asked, pointing behind you.

(Retsu, read the room!)

"Could it be Hentai?" Katsumi blinked with interest.

"Only Katsumi you would buy Hentai." you said.

Katsumi raised his hand, flicked your forehead lightly, and said, "I'm your elder, brat."

"It hurts!" You covered your forehead but accidentally dropped the manga in your hand to the ground.

(?!)

Retsu, who was beside Katsumi, bent down and picked up the manga on the ground. "Painter of the light... They are nobles and painters with disparate status, but they are getting closer and closer from the sex time to time...?" Retsu frowned and read the content on the cover.

(I will never go to Shinshinkai again in this life.)

Katsumi took the manga from Retsu's hand and roughly read the contents. After reading it, he calmly closed the book and handed it to your hands.

You turned your head. "...Please don't tell my parents."

"As long as you practice hard, we won't tell your parents." Retsu grabbed your right arm tightly. "You'll work hard, right? Don't miss class too often." He released his hand and patted you on the shoulder.

"I will..." You nodded obediently.

"We know your deepest darkest secret now." A playful grin spreads across Katsumi's face.

"You are so despicable now!" You turned your head again and grumbled at Retsu, "Retsu-san, hurry up and scold Katsumi! He's bullying me!"

Retsu kept pursing his lips and grinning while you and Katsumi spoke ill of each other.

In the end, you still bought the "Painter of The Light" smoothly, and it was a lot of fun to watch it that night.

@HANMA YUJIRO

(Umekawa: Yujiro is a Tsundere, no doubt about it.)

One sunny afternoon, you and Sasaki agreed to play in the park, but since you arrived early, you first went to the small garden at the back of the park and quietly observed the big orange cat living there.

"Y/N, what are you doing here?"

A certain voice sounded behind you. You turned your head, and what caught your eye was Yujiro's face.

You look up at him. "Ah, it's you, Yujiro."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm looking at this fat cat. Don't you even know what a cat is?"

"Don't take me for a fool!" Yujiro frowned.

"I didn't take you for a fool!"

"I'm not the kind of vulgar boy who will be regarded as an idiot by you who likes such a corny creature." Yujiro finished without gasping for breath.

"Don't think of me as an idiot!" You exploded.

"What? It's rare for you to talk back."

"You have to interrupt every time I want to play with Sasaki. Why are you always being so mean to me?"

"Because you're too cheesy."

"No, no," said the two voices in unison.

You and Yujiro turn their heads and see two boys who look exactly the same but in different clothes standing next to you. These two are twin brothers Misawa, your classmates.

Yujiro looked at the twins in dissatisfaction and said in a sour tone: "What are you two doing?"

"What's your name?" the twin older brother Misawa Yuu asked.

"Do you have a name?" younger brother Misawa Shingo asked again.

"Of course, my name is Yujiro." Yujiro hummed.

"You are wrong, Yujiro." Yuu said.

"It's you who is at fault, Yujiro."

"What did I do wrong?! Can you two stop keep saying the same thing over and over again!"

"You like Y/N, right?" the twins whispered in Yujiro's ear.

Yujiro blushed. "Liar! How is it possible!!"

"Please don't call us liars." said the twins.

"What the hell is going on with you two?" Yujiro said, "This is the first time you've met me. How dare you to talk like this to me?"

"Even when I first met you, I knew who you were just by looking at your face." Yuu said.

"How do you know who he is?" 'Shingo snapped back.

"It doesn't matter who he is!"

"Don't treat people like idiots!"

"This Yujiro must be an idiot!"

Hearing the quarrel between the twins, the big orange cat had run away long ago. Your smile instantly evaporated, and you yelled at the two of them: "You two, don't go too far, Yujiro is my cousin! And the cats are scared away by you two!"

Yujiro stared at you intently and whispered, "Y/N..."

"Y/N scolded me. I'm going back." Yuu and Shingo said in unison, "Goodbye."

After saying that, the two brothers left.

"What are these two doing here..." you muttered.

"Y/N!" Sasaki's voice came.

"Sasaki!" Your face suddenly burst into a smile, and your voice became much sweeter.

"Shall we go for a swing?" Sasaki suggested.

You nod your head. "Sure♡!"

"Ah," Sasaki looked at Yujiro, who was speechless, "Yujiro, you're here too. Do you want to play together?"

Yujiro scoffed. "I don't want to play such a corny game. Goodbye."

Having said that, Yujiro left with a lonely pace.

"What's wrong with Yujiro? He seems sad." Sasaki asked, a little worried.

You wave your hand and say, "Don't worry. He isn't that fragile."

"You better go look after him. He doesn't look very well."

Under Sasaki's push, you go to Yujiro eventually.

You found him by the river bank when you were standing not far behind him and heard him say to himself, "I like Y/N? what a joke! I'm Hanma Yujiro. How can I possibly like her?"

"Oi, Yujiro." You finally said.

Yujiro turned his head suddenly and looked at you in panic, "Y/N?! You, did you hear it?"

"What are you doing here? Do you think you are a tragic heroine in a girl's manga? It's disgusting."

"I… aren't you playing with Sasaki?"

"Because you suddenly said you were going back."

"I'm going home tomorrow."

You are kind of happy. "Huh? Are you serious? Why? Goodbye then."

"You're so cold. You really hate me, don't you?" Yujiro looked at you resentfully.

"I didn't."

"Liar, you obviously hate me!"

"I just say I don't hate you."

"You obviously hate me!"

"Yeah, I hate you."

Yujiro chuckled to himself, "Really? Sure enough, I seem to really like you."

"Eh?"

"But you don't have to worry about it. It's just that a man from out of town was dumped by a woman he shouldn't love... There was once such a man, and all of this is just like this." Yujiro whispered.

You are relieved that you have no clue what is going on now, "What, it's just like this!"

"Y/N, you idiot! Farewell!" Yujiro turned around.

"Yujiro, take care!" You shouted towards Yujiro's lonely back.

While it may seem like it has absolutely nothing to do with "How did you become close," this actually plays a significant role in your future with Yujiro.

[infolane]

ARC V MONTH DAY 14 - Halfway to Heartland Tower

@arcvmonth​

The star of today’s how is no other than Kurosaki Ruri! So let’s talk a little about her.

At first, I wasn’t sure how to characterize her in roleplays and fanfiction, which was a huge problem because I did want to give her a more protagonistic role in writing! There is so little about her... barely any presence in the anime... so I started to pick up the shards where I could, focusing on neutral and negative qualities to balance things out.

I started with the idea of her wanting to understand the war and the uprooting of her life. From there, more and more bits became clear to me. She wants to step out of Shun’s shadow. She loves her friends, but feels like they don’t understand her her anymore. A metamorphosis, an egg, a bird hatching to finally see the sun-

The turning point was when I decided to base the way she speaks and interacts with the world on Good Sky, Vocal Marole and Petscop. Suddenly, she was a fundamentally strange person with many good intentions, but some odd ways to go about it. And that was that for Kurosaki Ruri!

Of course, different AUs call for different outfits. Pictured above is her, as found in @cathartes-ruri​ (which... we really need to get back to writing. Oops)

Now, for something different- a piece of fanfiction! Same AU as in the comics for other days. Has that become an overarching theme for this event? :o

It is two in the morning and he still hasn’t come back to his room. Ruri is glad she brought something to read in the meantime- just an old book of folklore. Tongue twisters, rhymes, monsters, stories, riddles, all compiled neatly in a book missing its cover and with chunks of pages missing.

She doesn’t mind it, really. If anything, she’s glad to see people have been reading it. A pristine book in a facility like this would also be the least liked one. The kind only Kaito would care about.

The door creaks open and Ruri perks up.

Sora has arrived.

It’s breathtakingly pitiful. Hair down, wearing that ratty nightgown from forever ago, eyes dead, expression perfectly neutral...

“...Did you wait for me?”, he asks, closing the door behind himself.

“If it wasn’t me it would be Rin.”

He grimaces. It’s not that he dislikes Rin, not in the slightest- Evibell is living proof of it. No- he just hates the worried face she makes every time. The difficult conversation had without words about their partnership.

The way she can’t even bring herself to call him a friend.

Well, Ruri isn’t her. Being much more shameless, she calls him a friend. At least that’s how Rin says it. That painful point of contention, of friction.

“If you are going to lounge around at least pay attention to me instead of spacing out~”, he says, light hearted as he picks out proper pajamas and enters the bathroom.

A personal bathroom...the kind of thing available for one room in each wing of the facility- though this, the north wing, has one extra room like that, reserved for Yuya and the other three.

Ruri wonders how Sora must have worked hard for this room. It’s a small thing, really, but giving him a place of his to retreat must be helpful.

Not like that year.

He’d come back from the woods drowning in satisfaction, smelling like cotton candy, eyes hazy, distant, having left a dismal world again.

When Serena came to talk, she shared what she knew- the source the smell is being altered by the nameless girl we saw. Someone is dead.

At that point, Ruri asked for her to stop. No need for details, for explanations. Let the rain take it away before the next time we escape into the woods to exercise our nonhuman parts.

The sound of running water.

Yes, it isn’t bothersome at all. He has a role to play, and so he does. You can envy that much... When the trial by fire comes, that figure will have mismatched eyes. He’ll be at center of the world, opening the door to that day you all became cursed.

If you look out the window, the nameless girl is once again a grand spire throbbing and pulsing skyward. This is proof Yuya is asleep, closed eyes sharing her shape with you.

The bathroom door opens and out he steps, already dressed, hair wrapped in a towel.

“Looking at her?”, he asks, coming closer. Ruri smiles.

“Don’t you think she’s beautiful?“

“You need a better taste, Ruri! And that’s coming from me.“

“I just appreciate the commitment to looking bad to see! It’s a step up from normal ghosts, isn’t it?“

“You think it’s a ghost?”

“Yeah. Or something like that- what do you think, Sora?“

He seems lost in thought for a moment before sighing.

“I dunno. I think it’s less of a thing and more of an spectacle. Sometimes there’s that thing outside, sometimes there’s the birds-“

“Those are my favorite.”

“Course it would be~“ He snickers. “But you get it, right? The stuff on the walls, the eyes, the iterations... it’s creepy, but it’s also like a message. A really roundabout one.”

While he talks, Ruri undoes the towel and picks up a brush, beginning the process.

“Do you think we can understand the message if we try?”

“Mm... instead of an answer from me, I wanna hear from you, Ruri-chan.“

That is something she likes about him. He wants to know. He wants to step into her world, see with her eyes, rather than assume things.

The brush pulls off much falling hair.

“I think we are part of the message as well. Once Rin’s trial by fire kills off all unnecessary bits... then I think we will get to understand, even if we give up our memories for his sake...“

Yuto. Yuya. Yugo. Yuri. Four faces of a single person and the epicenter. They have their roles to play. The way to the truth. A sea of blue getting untangled. Is it selfish to want to get to take care of someone like this? To take care of someone before you must return to the shadow of being cared for.

I should be happy to get to move in with Shun.

But she isn’t.

She just wants moments like this to last forever. There is so much untold but mutually understood...

“Sora... I’m sorry. I’m sorry I love your nightmare. Days like these. I’m sorry that I’m your friend. Things are going to hurt a lot more for all of us before it gets better.”

“...Weirdo.“

That much affection in one word...

Outside, the nameless girl sways, covered in feathers.

[asoulofatlantis]

You always say that you are a shipper and that ships are very important to you. So lets talk about that. I ask you for your top 5 moments/scenes of each of the following trails ships: Estelle and Joshua. Rean and Alisa. Elie and Lloyd. Cedric and Shirley. Millium and Jusis. Swin and Nadia. And I want an explanation of why every of those scenes is in which place (but maybe try to make it short)

(Me? Making it short? As if! XD)

Lets start with Estelle and Joshua.

Joshuas and Estelles reunion Sky 2

I don't really think I need to explain this one. There was something amazingly satisfying about the whole scene. First of all because we waited forever for this moment, but more so because of the fact that Joshua has acted like Estelle didn't mean that much to him anymore in the previous chapters, in fact, for a small moment it even looked like he was considering a future with Josette. So seeing that he still cared about her, that he still wanted to protect her, still loved her and that despite everything, nothing of his feelings for her has changed, was just... as I said before, so damn satisfying to watch.

2. Joshuas and Estelles reunion (part two) Sky 2 (Beach scene)

One might argue that that scene basically belong to the scene above, but I really think we should see them as separate scene, as this was basically the moment were Joshua has brought Estelle to safety and decided it was time to leave her again, just for her to  give him a piece of her mind and him ending up crying with her arms around him and then they FINALLY had a real true loves kiss and it was so... hach... magical. Shipping-Heaven and all. All was well again all of the sudden (after almost 6 chapters of pure utter suffering) in the World of Trails in the Sky ♥ (One might ask why that is not my most favorite scene, but the moment of screaming "FINALLY!" when Joshua came to save Estelle can not even be beaten by a kiss XD)

3. The painful love-confession Sky 1

Even tho the scene was somewhat bittersweet, I think the final scene between Joshua and Estelle in the first Trails in the Sky game was romantic in etwas very own way and deserves the third place in this list. After we started out with Joshua OBVIOUSLY being in love with Estelle and Estelle being as oblivious as Trails-Protagonists can be, it was so great to see her finally revealing her feeling to Joshua. And on the freaking rooftop of a damn castle. (Seriously, these guys have the best places for their best moments. I mean, how many people do get a sweet reunion kiss at a beach?) We also get a kiss in this scene, obviously, although that was the final nail in the "something is off here" - coffin, it was still kind of nice. How often do we get kisses that early on?

4. The scene were Joshua was supposed to kill Estelle Sky 2

Guys, the panic. The pure, absolute and utter panic you feel when you think of the fact that Joshua who FINALLY got reunited with his beloved sun, is about to kill her in a state where he has no control over himself and that when he gets back to his senses will have to face that he killed what he loved most in the world with his very own hands. But thank god the boy saw that one coming and suddenly, kneeling over Estelle, Sword on her throate and all (if you are into that kind of stuff, with no people around and all, that would have been the perfect moment to start making a smut out of this scene - and now you know my dirty secret XD), comes back to his senses and reveals that he knew that Weissmann would try to make him kill the love of his life and found a way not just around this, but also to break his stigma. The way the scene played out was really wholesome.

5. Joshua getting angry because Estelle was attacked Crossbell-Arc

I honestly can not remember the full scene or what exactly happened anymore - the Crossbell-Games are a blur to me mostly, to be honest - but wasn't it that Estelle was intervening in a fight and was attacked by Wald or so because he wasn't having her stopping him? In any case, what I do remember is how our dear, rational, calm and collected Joshua got pissed of because of that and I was like: Ah yes, the ship is still sailing quite well XD It seems like a rather small scene compared to the others, but after a while it was quite satisfying to see.

Honorable Mentions: Their link event (subtle but cute) and Cassius asking Joshua when he is going to marry Estelle in the Hajimari special - because for once in my life I did actually agree with Cassius damn Bright XD

Next is Elie and Lloyd and that is actually a hard one, because I can barely remember anything from the Crossbell-Saga. But I do try.

Their reunion-hug Hajimari

Most of you obviously saw that coming miles away but I loved their reunion in Hajimari. After waking up with Rixia in Crossbell, Elie is the first one Lloyd gets reunited with and its with a wonderful tender embrace and and absolut moment of blissful happiness for those two and I LOVED IT. (Doesn't have anything to do with them mirroring a certain scene in CS3 between Rean and Alisa that will definitely not at all get mentioned again here soon XD) Definitly the most heartfelt of Lloyds reunions and it speaks volumes how easily he falls into that hug and hugs Elie back with the tender voicedrop and all. Hach... being a shipper is great ♥

2. "I support you with my heart" (or something like that) Hajimari

Not so much after our sweet reunion we get Elie having some doubt because she couldn't protect KeA whom Lloyd loved so much and that she feels like some sort of mother figure towards. Well, true to his Trails-Protagonist-Status, he came to assure her that everything will be alright eventually, telling her what he thinks about the path she has chosen in life and ending up with her squeezing out of him that he supports her with his heart, while his hand was on her shoulders for like 5 minutes or so. Absolut gold and speaking volumes about the state of their relationship, even tho no one says it out loud.

3. The rooftop-scene (not sure if it was Zero or Ao tho...)

What would a Falcom-intended-ship be without a heartfelt talk while watching the nightsky? Lloyd and Elie have that one covered for sure and even tho I have my qualms with this scene and how Lloyds character kind of ruined it, it still was a really nice moment for shipper to see them have that kind of semi-romantic canon-moment.

4. The talk in the morning after (once again, no Idea if it was Ai or Zero)

So after some teasing from our dear Randy, Lloyd pointed out that he and Elie would never be a thing and while the scene was kind of ruining the shipping-vibe he and Elie gave at that point, it was still so damn hilarious to watch Lloyd digging himself a hole deeper than any Rean has ever been in while this whole time (and that is what still makes the scene somewhat worth being in here) he never claims he is not interested in her, in fact, he just thinks he is not worth her, actually hinting that he would be interested but feel like its useless because she deserves better than him. Laughing aside it also makes the scene kind of bittersweet.

5. Elie basically being the mother to KeA who sees Lloyd as some sort of father Zero & Ao

KeA was for me personally an absolut turning point for the Crossbell-Saga as she brought something to the SSS that it has been lacking before. As a shipper tho, the best thing KeA brought was the fact that after she basically chose Lloyd as her father figure, Elie was naturally taking on the position of a mother figure and it worked so well with Lloyd and it felt absolutely meant to be this way. Your ship kinda raising a child together is somehow a next level-happyness moment for me as a shipper, so it needed to be mentioned here.

Honorable mentions: The optional scenes: Elie and Lloyd going to that party together dressed all fancy, the almost kiss at the IBC and the heart to heart on the Mekaba.

Next are Swin and Nadia. (I am obviously not following the order, because I want to save the best for last XD) They didn't have that much screentime or shipping-scenes, despite being obviously intended to be a ship, so this will be even harder than Elie and Lloyd.

1. Swin pulling a Joshua on us Kuro 2

Probably no surprise to you that for Swin and Nadias best moment, I chose the moment were he jumped in to attack the fake Ace in favor of protecting Nadia after leaving her behind for so damn long. And of curse the hug that followed after it. After everything those two put me threw in a game that wasn't even their own I deserve a thousand more of those hugs I tell you. But for now, that one was more than satisfying for me as a starving shipper. Also, I kind of liked the idea that they more or less copied what Joshua did with his Stigma, to protect Estelle. Because it says a lot about the direction Swin and Nadias relationship is going in.

2. Nadia sleeping on Swins lap Hajimari (and Kuro flashback)

It was so freaking cute ♥ I mean, if you have read 3 and 9 (which you should) you already knew that Nadia can only properly sleep when she has Swin closeby, like... body-contact closeby works best, but seeing it firsthand was so damn cute. And I loved that when she woke up and called for Swin, who had been checking on things in the cockpit, he immediately returned to her. I mean, guys lets face it, was is cuter then character A laying resting with their head in character Bs lap?

3. Their reunion-hug Hajimari

The whole mess of Swin and Nadia as well as Rufus and Lapis being separated by whatever force has wonderfully shown how far our other groups have come in the meantime and how far Rufus team still has to go. However, the greatest part about it was Swins utter panic about not being able to protect Nadia and how Rean made sure to keep him calm until they could actually reunite and then, when they finally did have their reunion, Swin might have been surprised by the hug, but he certainly hasn't pushed Nadia away and the whole situation was all in all really cute. (Bonus points if you have noticed Reans silence after Swin said Nadia was like a sister to him - I felt like he was thinking the same thing that went through my head back then: "Yeah. Sure. Keep telling yourself that. God, this line is getting old at this point." XD)

4. Schoolfestival dance 2.0 Kuro 2

With the weird mix of Shizuna and Aaron and me not being sure about Feri and Quatre dancing together either, Swin and Nadia dancing too kind of made that scene a lot more enjoyable, especially since Nadia looked so happy. And dance-scenes certainly are an important part of any shippers greatest shipping-dreams and many ships will never ever get a dance scene (especially given how Van didn't dance with either Elaine or Agnes) so one must enjoy moments like these.

5. Riding on a motorbike together Kuro 2

Its once again really just a small moment, but I found it so cute to see Nadia hugging Swin from behind and enjoying it so much, while they were sitting on a bike together in the last Connect-Event with Van. Its small moments like these, for small ships like these that makes you happy.

Next is Millium and Jusis. They also don't have that many big moments, but they gathered a hand full of small moments over the cause of 5 games, so that should be doable.

Honorable mentions: Their introduction scene in Kuro 2s opening. Nadias reaction when it looked like Swin was stabbed in Kuro 2.

(By the way... how was I supposed to keep that short with so many ships? However, funny enough, Tumblr just told me the text is too long, so I have to make a separate post to answer the rest of the ask ^^‘)

[charmixpower]

Look I’m a brella stan but even for me rivusa stole the whole show in season 5 and made it a big more tolerable and lowkey I would like to delude myself into thinking the animators made a conscious decision for that I mean I just rewatched them Christmas episode Bcs 2 more days till Christmassss and like there are so many subtle moments in that episode between them that made me go awwww🥺 like when the specialists arrived at alfea she was like “we weren’t expecting you” and he’s just holding her 2 hands🥺🥺🥺 (also i love how it’s basically Canon that all of the winx love their bfs tiddies that they also bury their faces in them when they hug) or like when u see musa and riven engaged in conversation that they don’t even notice the ice dragons and there’s a small moment where Stella says “we’re gonna bring Christmas to bloom” and idk why it’s animated in such a way that Musa turns to look BACK at riven and he looks down and smiles at her😭😭 (there’s also flora in the frame kinda side eyeing them lmao) like one to one was honestly a highlight in season 5 for me but for some reason ever tiny minuscule rivusa interaction in season 5 was so adorable and honestly outsold any form of drama that was happening between the couples Bcs why do most of not all the specialists act like incels in season 5

JOIN US

Just about every Rivusa shipper I know has Brella as their second favorite ship and vice versa for Brella shippers I know

We are sworn allies, join the ranks

The universe saw how much Winx fucked up Rivusa in s4 and karma kicked in to give them the spot light in s5 as they so clearly deserved, and then the universe was unable to stop the writers form committing any more crimes

Yesss it's so true!!! This is correct for any time their in the background together in s5, they're usually either being cute or making eyes at each other bc their amazing and I love them

Them not noticing the dragons is literally so cute I'm so obsessed with them, their so so so so so cute!!! I loved that the guys got to help with the Christmas stuff it was just so adorable of them 🥰🥰 I love seeing my boys included

Their so adorable, s5 was so rude for THREE DIFFERENT FUCKING LOVE TRIANGLES, but at least domestic Rivusa. Me with Tecmy in s4 tbh

PLEASE OMG YOUR KILLING ME

They were worse in s4. Like everyone had the egos the size of s1 Riven when he was a villain and everyone was so unnecessary jealous, in s5 their just stupid. If you pay attention their not doing it because their jealous or out of any negative feelings, they're just really stupid and don't understand how to flirt. It's funny, completely out of character and infuriating, but also funny

At least Helia's idiocy is balanced out by Flora suddenly becoming very easily jealous and easily unhappy with other girls, s4 was not so kind where only the guys were allowed to be the bad guys which is really annoying

I don't want my protagonists to always be in the right, it's not fun, interesting, and it doesn't develop their characters. Boo!!!!

S5 Sky tho....yeah he's whiney and entitled (he literally didn't care that Flora was upset (, but that's not really that bad when Bloom is EVEN MORE whiney and entitled (SHE KNEW HE WAS IN A ROYAL MEETING AND SHE THOUGHT SOME DRAMA WITH A BITCH SKY DONT EVEN LIKE WAS MORE IMPORTANT), so their made for each other

....

I'm so sorry Skloom shippers

[solarsavoy]

My World Monday, Theran Attributes

Considering that Thera is on the northern most part of the planet at all times, I had to consider different physical attributes than Earth. Interesting fact, roughly 70-79% of Earthlings have brown eyes and it's estimated that 85% of Earthlings have black hair. Yeah. Turns out that while there are many different kinds of people, most of us actually share similar traits, but I wanted Thera to be different.

I considered where the highest concentration of redheads, blondes, blue eyes, hazel eyes, green eyes, and any other "rare" attribute is on Earth and most are concentrated near or north of the arctic circle, where Thera would be. Another interesting fact, people don't have the red pigment capability to have red eyes and albinos have the appearance of red eyes because they lack any pigmentation at all and what you're really seeing are the blood vessels in their eyes.

So, I decided to make Thera different, naturally, by swapping what we consider rare with what we consider common. I'll post a picture of my chart. Yes, I have a chart. You should know this about me by now, I'm a little eccentric when it comes to worldbuilding.

The most common attributes which cover at least half of Therans are: blonde or reddish orange hair with hazel, red amber or silver/grey eyes. Oh, unlike Earthlings, Therans do have the red pigment in their genes.

There is a correlation between red heads and the amount of vitamin D in their system when it comes to Earthlings and since Thera has two suns, I figured it wasn't unreasonable to say they simply developed the color red for other attributes. Another thing I considered was skin tone. While a lot of Therans are pale due to living under a thick forest surrounded by mountains which creates constant coverage, those native to Marka tend to have a more golden tan color similar to Eskimos on Earth, because of the perpetual sunset they live under.

Then there are royal only attributes which are the rarest and automatically mean someone is a royal. This includes green eyes, purple eyes, black hair, and dark brown hair. So naturally, if a Theran came to Earth, they'd think just about everyone was a royal. 😅

Here's the chart.

So no one thinks twice about Deshi's hair and eye color, because while it's somewhat unique, 4% of Thera shares those traits with him. Compared to Earth where the same traits are much less common to be seen together. 10% of Earth has blue eyes and only 2% of Earthlings are natural blonds. Even if blonds often come with blue eyes as well, it's not even half of Thera's percentage. :/ Meanwhile, Stag is Thera's rough equivalent of Earth's blond hair and blue eyes.

Sidenote: This always trips me up. Whenever I try to visualize what people look like, I tend to fall under what I call an "Earth bias" where I automatically imagine them with more Earth standard attributes. This often happens with Rom and Meck. In my head, Rom will have light brown hair and blue eyes where Meck will have dark brown hair and brown eyes, but not only are those both rare, but I've always hated the cliche of people always having rare features in stories when there's all kinds of people, which only got worse when I saw just how many people have black hair and brown eyes on Earth and I feel there aren't near as many people with those features in stories in comparison.

It's grown a lot better the last decade, but a lot of 90's stuff featured the blond hair blue eyed protagonist with the blond hair blue eyed antagonist (thinking the popular girl in school as there's a lot of high school drama stuff during the 90's-00's) and the handsomely blue eyed love interest OR the girl with red hair and stunning blue eyes like the sky. 🙄 This was a big factor in me really thinking about the attributes of Therans. Like, if everyone's going to have blond hair and blue eyes and no one has brown/black hair and brown eyes, there's going to be a reason, okay?

Anyway, Rom actually has blond hair and hazel eyes and Meck has light brown hair with hazel eyes. I always saw Meck with a darker hair color and neither had red. I do this automatically though. I often forget that King Solara has blond and not medium brown hair like in my head and Astor has dark brown hair and dark brown eyes, but he can't because he's not a royal, so I often have to alter the color scale in my head so it's not Earth biased. Let's see if I remember this for all the people in the background when I make the comic for Krystar. 😅 Hence the chart. I'll probably be using it a lot.

Possible future My World Monday topics: -The Council of Marka -Economics of Thera -Dynamic of Hummes (the city) -Dynamic of Kares -Dynamic of Marka -Dynamic of Estes -Dynamic of Solara -Education system of Solara - including Earth age comparisons -Fighter types among the kingdoms -Traditional vs non-traditional children -Hummes/Solara conflict -Magic system

Thanks for reading.

[evelynmlewis]

The Wonder/Discovery Arc

We know about romance arcs, about family arcs (both found and reclaimed), we know about redemption arcs, and corruption arcs. Those are all character arcs based on the development of a character. There are also plot arcs, which don’t center as much around a character as they do around the audience. One example of this is the mystery arc in the standard whodunit. We, the audience, start with a question, and by the end of the story it gets resolved.

Here’s a type of plot arc I haven’t seen described or articulated yet. Perhaps that’s why it’s so often underutilized or botched.

The Wonder/Discovery arc is a unique component (as far as I know) to fantasy and science fiction, I haven’t seen it in any other genres. It may well be what ties the genres together. It tends to appear more in fantasy and sci-fi, but I think that’s because fantasy writers are slightly more aware of it. Nevertheless, its potential is often missed.

Wonder in storytelling is not purely based on presenting something objectively wonderful. Magic does not happen simply by showing the reader magic. Marvel comics lost their marvel because they don’t get this anymore. Anything can appear mundane if presented as mundane.

Again; this is what many people love about children’s media that they’re not getting from adult media. Look at what Disney and Pixar used to be. These studios and their entire philosophy understood that magic is an end in itself. They were successful because they understood that “magic” isn’t just a plot element, it’s an emotion.

But you could be getting wonder/discovery arcs from adult media. Tolkien managed it all right.

Awe and wonder are emotions, especially from a writer’s perspective. Writers who miss this view magic as a means to a plot end. No shade on Sanderson, since his plots themselves are very emotional, but his magic does not use the wonder/discovery arc. Many DND inspired fantasies also do not use this arc. But at the same time, “magic the emotion” CAN appear in sci-fi. So how?

What is it?

I’ll describe three examples that utilize the wonder/discovery arc in fiction and do it well.

Lord of the Rings

Jurassic Park

Interstellar

Plot Points

Baseline

This is the part in the story where you introduce the concept of the magic as something your characters want to see and experience.

In Interstellar, Murph and her dad spend a lot of time talking about space before anyone actually goes to space. “Space, Murph.” In Jurrasic Park, dinosaurs are discussed for a long time before we see an actual dinosaur. In the Lord of the Rings, the story starts off in the Shire, a place relatively similar to average human life. However, Bilbo once saw the elves. Frodo wishes he could see them too.

2. The Hint

This is the part where the box shakes a little bit. The ground shakes a little at the approach of the dinosaurs. The magic item starts to glow. Something falls out of the sky. This could be considered the “rising action” phase. Its goal is to arouse curiosity and hint at larger potential.

3. The Lull

Take some time away from the magic, back to the mundane or the busyness of the plot for a little while. Was it real? is it really going to happen? is the promise going to fulfill? Make the reader wonder.

The school authorities teach that the moon landing wasn’t real. The characters doubt John Hammond really has anything to show them. Bilbo disappears and Gandalf doesn’t show up for an entire year.

4. The Reveal

The reveal is the emotional climax of the wonder/discovery arc. This is the moment where your characters find what they are looking for, or it reveals itself. This is the moment when two astronauts stop to consider “Wow. Space.” This is the moment when the Jeep stops in Jurassic park and the protagonists get their first look at the dinosaurs. This is the moment where the elves appear on their way to the Gray Havens, beautiful and sad, singing softly with an otherworldly light.

The Reveal is an emotional beat where everything slows way down. This is one of the rare moments where you have the right to not only show, but also tell your audience that something is cool. You’ve earned it.

If you doubt me on that, what do you think the music was for in Jurassic park? It serves the function of telling you that the dinosaurs are cool. You don’t just see them. You don’t just know that the characters are amazed by seeing their reactions. The music actively guides you on how to feel.

This moment should NOT be sped through or glossed over. Take a good long time to stop and look at the Magic! This is what you came here to see, right?

Ironically, with the full development and ease of CGI, movies have lost their magic and this is why. We are no longer used to sitting through 20 minutes of a movie to get to the part where we see a dinosaur. Additionally, special effects are considered too “normal”, so directors forget how to make cool things seem cool via good storytelling.

You don’t have to only show. It’s okay to Tell but you have to EARN the right to tell your audience that something is cool or beautiful or unspeakable and have them believe you.

Tolkien conveys magic with a kind of inverse ratio of detail. By the first time he tells us that something is unspeakable, he’s already spent at least 50K describing mundane things in  excruciating detail. We believe him.

A few additional pointers:

Build a story around the cool thing you want to show us.

Don’t let the characters accept the existence of the impossible too easily.

Don’t forget to explore potential! If your magic artifact has the ability to kill people, someone should die. If it has the ability to drive men to madness, somebody should go mad, or at least come close. If it has the ability to cure all the problems in the world, somebody should at least try to use it for that.

Cutaway discretion: sometimes what isn’t said is more powerful than what is said. A common horror adage is that monsters are scarier when they’re not shown. Likewise, a divinity is more powerful when you can’t look at its face. Write around the magic.

To Summarize:

I can’t emphasize enough that a lot of writers want the benefit of the reveal scene but can’t figure out why the emotion isn’t there. It’s because they think the emotion comes from the fact that they’re showing the audience a Cool Thing. That is not true.

A dragon is cool. A dragon that we’ve been waiting half the book to see with all of the characters speculating about what it might be like, whether it is sentient, what color it is, how big it is, etc. is Very Cool.

A lot of writers want the payoff without doing the work. “Don’t you think my sci-fi is cool? Don’t you think my magic is magical?” But they haven’t done the emotional prep to get there.

As Megamind says, “What’s the difference between a villain and a supervillain? Presentation!”

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

Hi.....if you don't mind me asking, can I ask your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from SVSSS? And your top 5 favorite moments from the novel? Sorry if you've answered this question before....Thanks....

Hi again!

SVSSS huh… as the first danmei I ever completed, and one that I completed in one sitting, my experience of the novel was limited by my understanding of xianxia terms. On top of that, I didn’t realise that immortality also meant eternal youth, so for a majority of the novel I imagined SQQ as an old man, and SQQ’s internal monologue of unreliable narration confused me beyond belief, to the point where I walked away disliking the novel upon my first read-through - not even bothering to read the extras.

But over time (and with the help of fandom content), SVSSS as a story slowly grew on me, along with its characters and their dynamics. So with that being said, here are my top 5 favourite characters (warning, there be spoilers!):

5. Honestly? I’d have to say Shen Jiu - as in, the hypothetical, fully-fleshed-out, in-depth character that Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky had originally planned for his novel. He’s honestly like a bit of negative space in SVSSS - there is a shape of his silhouette left behind after his death and we’re left to fill in the gaps alongside Shen Yuan. I think his character is incredibly compelling, even if not very likeable, and I like reading stories where people have attempted to fill in the mould created by the negative space and create an acerbic, hurt, spiteful person, who has built iron walls around himself after he was hurt so many times before - especially by Yue Qingyuan (an idiot) who (idiotically) refused to explain why he never came back for Xiao Jiu. His backstory is tragic and his reactions to situations become understandable to an extent, even if they’re still not acceptable. He has been very hurt in the past, and I’d like to imagine what might have transpired if he had the chance and ability to grow past the hurt, shame and envy.

4. Next up, we have our favourite weaselly author Shang Qinghua, otherwise known as Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky! Honestly, I love how he is portrayed in the fandom as a completely nervous wreck, but in Shen Qingqiu’s narration we see him as more of a snivelling, thigh-hugging coward, so for that he is going here. I really enjoyed reading the extras from his perspective too (when I eventually got around to it) and how he seems to be in as much denial about his general situation, if not more so than Shen Qingqiu was. I also think that his faltering in the face of killing his favourite character is so painfully human and relatable, and just made me like him so much more. His dynamic with Mobei-jun is one relationship I keep coming back to in the fandom, since it has so much potential for humorous miscommunication and general shenanigans - because what is a King to a God, and yet what is a God to a non-believer?

3. Of course, how could we have Shang Qinghua in this list without including Mobei-jun? Mobei-jun is another character I really like, simply because of how much potential he has from what little we see of him in the story. I love how he mellows out in order to keep Shang Qinghua around, even learning to make him noodles to keep him happy. A dynamic like that honestly has so much potential, and it’s a bit of a shame we only saw a glimpse of it. Honestly, I would rank them higher, but I’m trying to go off what we see in canon, so I’ll stick him here for now.

2. And we’re at number 2! This one goes to our good old, BDE, stallion protagonist Luo Binghe. He is one of the most well-developed characters in the novel, and for good reason, considering he is one of the main characters (and the original protagonist!). I like how he develops in the novel. We see how the trauma of someone beloved to him betraying him impacts his self-worth and self-esteem, to the point where instead of looking for revenge from his Shizun, he just wants an answer, an explanation of his Shizun’s confusing hot-and-cold, or at the very least acknowledgement that he was done wrong by. We are first introduced to him as a novel character, but as we go through the story with Shen Qingqiu, we are made to realise that Luo Binghe is a fully realised individual of his own. His motivations aren’t predetermined by Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky, they can’t be predicted by the original course of the novel and he has his own separate goals and desires, which may or may not have been shaped by the difference in his upbringing, or just the fact that he is an actual person in the world with Shen Qingqiu now, as opposed to a fictional character. And although he did a lot of growing up in the Endless Abyss, at the end of the day he is still young, and still seeks guidance from the only person he’s ever held as a teacher in his heart. I love this complexity about him. Also, as someone who has also experienced that hot-and-cold treatment from a loved one, I understand a lot about where he is coming from, because it is really painful to be treated that way, and you begin to wonder if the problem was you all along.

1. Alright, I definitely struggled with ranking a character in first place, but after much consideration I’d have to give it to our wonderful dumbass protagonist Shen Qingqiu. Shen Qingqiu is hands down one of the funniest characters in the novel. His narration is hilarious, and I remember thoroughly enjoying all the comedy of his ridiculous antics and how they are misconstrued by the people around him. He’s completely making it up as he goes, constantly lying to himself and spoiling his beloved disciple and protagonist Luo Binghe not unlike a baby, or - as someone else hilariously put it - a pampered concubine. As the main character and narrator of the story, we also see him undergo a lot of growth and development. We see him change from treating his peers as characters of a story he has to engineer to people with their own agency and autonomy. We see him initially affecting a lofty persona of a peerless immortal, to in time relishing this aloofness, and enjoying his station as Shen Qingqiu more than the original goods ever was implied to. Some things do remain the same though, like his near-constant use of memes and slang, and the thinness of his face, or how easily embarrassed he is, but that is what makes him endearing.

Now for my top 5 favourite moments! Forgive me, my memory of the events of the book is largely fuzzy and has been blurred somewhat by my copious fan fiction consumption, but these are the best and most memorable moments that stick out to me:

1. For sure my favourite moment has to be during the Holy Mausoleum arc, where Shen Qingqiu covers Luo Binghe’s huadian on his forehead with his lips. The tension! The confusion! The utter humorous ridiculousness of the entire situation! It’s such a good scene.

2. I also really love the other scenes during the Holy Mausoleum arc where a fading Shen Qingqiu is lugging around and staunchly defending the enormous comatose body of one Luo Binghe. The amount of hurt/comfort (my all-time favourite trope) in that arc is immaculate.

3. In the Airplane extras, where Mobei-jun lets Shang Qinghua hit him, but he pinches his cheeks instead and gets him to promise to make him noodles - they’re testing the waters more with each other! The relationship has moved away from master and servant! Yay for progress!

4. In the Airplane extras, where Shang Qinghua traps Linguang-jun in the circle of fire - I just like this display of Shang Qinghua’s loyalty to his favourite Mobei-jun, and how his cowardice, whether that be a cultivated facade or not, evaporates when Mobei-jun is in danger.

5. Finally, in the Airplane extras, when Shang Qinghua calls out for Mobei-jun, who steps in just in time to save him. (What? I really like these two characters, okay!)

Thanks for the ask! I hope this answer is satisfactory to you, and that you have a good day!

[yourtamaki]

the broken melody of us

matsukawa x f!reader

word count: 4k

request: mattsun hurt/comfort + neglect?

warnings: hurt/comfort, neglect, body worship, praise kink, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, cockwarming

it was a song and dance at this point. a well rehearsed play with a blinding spotlight on the exhausted actors onstage. both of you go through the motions, no life behind the words you’ve spoken so many times they held no meaning anymore. you don’t know why you keep up the charade. you never expect a different result yet still you pick up the phone everyday and call your boyfriend. 

“you think you’ll be home in time for dinner?” 

sometimes you get a different, automated message. “maybe. might have to stay late,” or “can’t, i’ve gotta finish something up,” or your least favourite. a simple, clipped, “no.” 

“don’t stay out too late.” you should cut this part from the script, he never listens. 

“i’ll try.” 

“i love you.” this line is always to be spoken quietly, followed by holding your breath while you wait for his response. it’s the only reason you make these calls. this is your only chance to hear him say it and pretend he means it as much as he once did.

“love you too.” the line goes dead, the lights dim and he’s gone. you’re alone on an empty stage staring out at a bored audience. bored of the foolish protagonist who keeps them locked in the theatre, playing the same ending over and over and expecting something to give, to change. they watch on, silent and judging while you barter away what little dignity you have left. 

let them watch. 

the rejection doesn’t sting as badly as it used to. you’ve learned to bear it, swallow down the hurt that sits like a stone in your gut and go about your day, filling it with any meaningless errand that would stop your mind from wandering back to him. 

mattsun was subtle, you could give him that much. the way he slowly pulled away from your arms until you could hardly remember how he felt beneath your palms. the realization that you don’t really know your boyfriend anymore was slow to hit you but it knocked the air out of your lungs when it did. it crashed down on you when you woke in the middle of the night and turned to stare at his back gently rising and falling with every breath. his hair is longer then you remember and you don’t know why the thought has a lump forming in your throat. you focus instead on the broad expanse of his back. he’s tense, even in sleep, shoulders rigid and you’re sure if you could see his face, his brows would be furrowed. subtle changes that are enough for you to realize you’ve been shut out of his life.

you used to know him. when you were university kids who thought the future would never catch up to them and spent countless days in each other’s company. it wasn’t so much you knew him, it felt like you were him. and he was you. less attached to the hip and more intertwined with one another. you two were of one mind, to the point where you knew what the other needed before they’d even say it. 

your mattsun who was always just a text away. 

your mattsun who would indulge your late night drives, who would look at you with a permanent crooked smile on his face and love in his eyes. 

“you think we’ll always be like this?” you said one night, straddling him in panties and a baggy hoodie in the backseat and lazily kissing beneath the stars. and because he was yours and understood every little anxious thought that crossed your mind, he didn’t question why you were asking, didn’t make you explain what you meant, didn’t try to make a half assed joke about it. 

his hands trailed up your sides as he contemplated his answer, sending shivers up your spine. “probably not. things always change. we’ll change with them.” 

“what if things get worse?” 

“they might. but what if they get better? just cause it’s different doesn’t mean it's scary, angel.” 

“i know. but i hate thinking about it cause things are so good right now. i want it to last forever.” 

“we got time. let’s make the most of it, yeah?” he gripped your hips, slowly grinding you against his growing bulge and pulling you back into a kiss, sighing as your lips slotted together. you took control of the pace and grinned against him when a groan spilled into your mouth. 

“is that your way of saying we should hurry up and fuck?” 

“it’s working, isn’t it?” before you could pull your sweater up over your head, he cupped your face and brought your forehead to his, sincerity shining through his dark eyes. “i’ll always love you. that’ll never change. got it?”

“got it.” you managed to push the words out despite the lump that formed in your throat. he kept his eyes locked on yours as he slid your panties to the side and sank inside you, the familiar stretch a welcome one. 

it was nothing special, one night of many spent panting into each other’s mouths with an unspoken promise still hanging from your lips. but it was a memory you circled back to often, so often you could hear the echo of his vow ring through your head. 

your fears came to pass not long after that. life caught up and tore him from you, leaving you a shattered mess in the aftermath. you tried to fit jagged pieces of yourself back together in an attempt to remake the person you used to be but what stared back at you only left you keenly aware of the empty space he used to reside. 

these days, you like going to the roof of your apartment and letting the wind blow through those countless gaps in your soul. you feel whole for a short while as it whistles through you, the air filled with the broken melody of you, of the relationship that slips past your grasp more everyday. it’s shrill and ear piercing and leaves goosebumps littered on your skin. 

you can’t stop listening to it. 

it’s where you were now, staring out as the sun dipped below the horizon and listening to the haunting sound that’s been your only company in recent memory. later, you’ll go home and crawl into bed desperate for any warmth and no time to miss the heat of a body next to yours. your phone lights up bright in contrast to the darkening sky and it takes you a few moments of staring blankly at the screen for it to sink in that mattsun is trying to call you. 

this isn’t part of the script. 

you don’t know your lines. 

and yet you find yourself answering anyway, hitting the green button before the call drops and you raise your phone to your ear silently. 

“are you okay?” his voice comes out rushed and strung together almost before your phone is pressed to your ear. 

“why’re you asking?” 

“remember that time you failed that essay? i think it was third year and you hid in your room all day and wouldn’t answer the phone?” you did remember. how you couldn’t bear to face the world that day with the crushing weight of failure hanging over you and how shocked you were to see mattsun standing at the front door. “did i ever tell you why i checked up on you?” 

“no.” 

“the whole day i felt, in my gut, like i needed to see you. i can’t describe it, it was like a stab that just dug deeper until i went to your place. would you believe me if i said i have that feeling right now?” 

“i- i would.” you say quietly, wondering if he could even hear you over the roar of the wind. 

“are you okay?” he repeats. there’s a weight behind his words that has tears springing to your eyes. 

“no, issei ‘m not.” 

“i’m almost home, i’m parking right now. i’ll be up in a few minutes, okay? wait for me, angel.” 

you were always waiting for him, weren’t you? what's a couple more minutes? you hang up and try in vain push down the wave of anxiousness that hits you. it’s just mattsun, you try to remind yourself. even if it’s been awhile since you’ve really felt like a part of his life, he’s still the person you fell in love with. right?

even if the issei from the past would never have made you feel so alone. the issei that was free from the hardships of real life, of 9-5s and bills due and rent to pay. you miss that issei, mourn for him on empty rooftops everyday. maybe he’s still alive somewhere within this new issei but it’s not like you would know. 

you head off the roof, shivering slightly as you make your way home. the days were only getting colder, you should’ve known not to stay out for so long. you were trying to get your shaky hands to cooperate and unlock the door when you hear the elevator dings open and your name being called out. 

“you weren’t home?” he asks, gently prying your keys from your grasp and opening the door for you both. as soon as he locks it behind you, his hands are covering yours once more. “baby you’re freezing.” 

words. where were your words? you couldn’t call up any as he brought your joined hands to his mouth, blowing hot air on them and rubbing them between his to warm them up. this is the closest you’ve been to him in who knows how long and you couldn’t summon up a single sentence. it’s not your fault. his attention has always stunned you into silence. 

he thought you were painfully shy the first time you met and though that was half true, you mostly found yourself silently panicking about the handsome man that suddenly sat beside you. the professor had paired the class off to discuss the readings for that lecture and your interest had only come to life when you saw the dark haired man make his way to you. 

“i’m gonna be honest.” he said as he plopped down beside you and showed you the blank document open on his laptop. “i have no idea what we’re supposed to be doing right now. do you?” 

it was his eyes, you decided much later, hugging your pillow and staring at the text you just received from a new number. you came alive under his gaze like you could finally catch your breath, everything dull until his eyes landed on you. you don’t believe in love at first sight, this was something different. it was the dust of collapsing stars finding each other once more. it was strings of fate being braided together. it was more profound, more important than love and it all happened in a moment. 

you nodded in response to his earlier question though it was clear neither of you were paying any attention to what was going on in class, too caught up in the small bubble that surrounded you and drowned out the rest of the world. 

“matsukawa. i’m- my name’s matsukawa.” you must’ve given your name in return judging by the smile he gave you in return. “so what’re we doing, partner?”

this time, you forced a proper response, intensely aware of how you held yourself in a way you’ve never been before. “yeah, she just wants us to talk about today’s reading.” 

matsukawa watched you pull up your notes, resting his head in his hand while you began explaining the general concepts. you paused when you noticed he was still looking at you and not at the notes you had angled towards him. 

“am i explaining it okay?” 

“we’re a month into the semester, how have i not noticed you before?” 

“guess you don’t notice something you’re not looking for.” 

just then the professor grabbed everyone’s attention, the student’s quietly migrating back to their seats but matsukawa stayed where he was. instead, you could just hear him speak under his breath, more to himself then to you but you still managed to pick it up, your face going hot as it echoed in your head. “trust me, i’m looking now.” 

the memory leaves you more vulnerable than you expected, soft in his arms as the numbness finally fades and the shaking stops.

“where were you?” he says.

“the roof.” his brows furrow, lips pulled down in a frown. it’s strange feeling yourself falling back into reading him so easily, not needing him to ask to know he wanted you to explain why. “i like going up there. this place is too quiet with just me in it.” 

the longer you watch him, the more you pick up from his body language. the confusion then understanding that flits across his face, the underlying care you’re so familiar with as he smooths his thumb over the back of your hand. but more than anything you start to see his guilt. his muscles are rigid with it, it swims in his eyes that never quite seem to meet yours. 

“i’ve fucked up, haven't i?” he finally says when he realizes you won’t be the one to breach the subject. 

“issei…”

“no, i have. things have been so endless, i feel like i’m half awake and i’ve hurt you because of it.” 

you squeeze his hands, trying to reassure him. “just talk to me. please.” 

“i hate it. work is nonstop, everyday is the same shit over and over. it’s just a wave that keeps knocking me down and i can barely get my footing before it pushes me down again. and every day i think about quitting just to get ready the next morning. 

“if i was alone, if… if i didn’t have you i would’ve quit so long ago but i want to give you the life you deserve and i can’t do that if i’m broke. and it all might be for nothing cause i might’ve lost you already.” 

the confession ends with mattsun clearing his throat, blinking fast and concentrating solely on your laced hands. you can’t seem to catch your breath, struggling under the weight he had carried silently until now as he finally shares the burden with you. 

“you haven’t lost me, issei. look at me.” you wait until his eyes meet yours before dropping your voice to a whisper. “you haven’t lost me.”

“i don’t deserve you.” 

“it’s not about deserving, i chose you. i chose to love you, i chose to stay when things got bad. yeah, you hurt me.” it’s impossible to miss the full body flinch at your words, “and i’m not ready to forgive you just yet. but that doesn’t mean i’m giving up on us. i don’t want you working yourself to death for me. i don’t care where we live or how much money you spend on me. i don’t need all of that, i just need you. got it?” 

“got it.” you see his adam’s apple bob as he swallows down whatever feeling overcomes him, “i’m sorry.”

“i know.”

“tell me what you need, please. i need- i need to make this right.” 

you answer by leaning forward and mattsun meets you halfway. the kiss is soft in contrast to the way you bundle the front of his shirt in your fists, afraid the moment might end before it’s even begun but mattsun takes his time cherishing you. there’s regret and gratitude and love that dances across your tongue and the taste has pressure building behind your eyes. 

it isn’t enough. you need him closer, need him to line the cracks of your soul with his touch. you pull just far back enough to break the kiss and mumble against his lips, “more, ‘sei please. i’m so cold.” 

“anything you want, pretty baby. let me make you feel good, yeah?” 

his lips crash back down on yours with renewed eagerness. there’s a desperation that wasn’t there a moment ago fuelling you both and urging you to stumble blind into the bedroom, barely letting your mouths detach as you fumble and undress each other. 

it’s not until you’re naked before him that your head clears a bit and shyness comes creeping in. he cups your face as though he could sense you curling into yourself and simply says, “beautiful.” 

the utter conviction in his voice is enough to dispel any insecurities before they have a chance to latch on and you turn your head to kiss the center of his palm, silently telling him you were all right. together you land in a tangled heap in bed, his half hard cock resting on your thigh. mattsun kisses his way down your neck, licking and sucking at every sensitive spot he had mapped out over the years. 

“issei…” you say, impatience tinging your voice as you feel your core throb with need. 

“i’ll get you there, angel, you know i will. let me take my time, i missed you.” 

true to his word, he began kissing every inch of skin he could reach. your tits, your stomach, your thighs all the way down to your ankles, he made sure to shower with affection. it’s nearly overwhelming. you knew you were starved for his attention but it feels like something breaks loose inside you the longer his mouth trails over your body, whispering declarations into your skin that left you tingling in his wake. by the time his fingers dip between your legs, your thighs are sticky with arousal, clit thrumming and begging to be touched. 

“look at my pretty baby’s pussy. all wet just for me?” 

“mhmm ‘s all for you, issei.” 

he hums, swirling his middle finger around your entrance and pressing the thick digit inside with ease. it’s only a few pumps later he adds another, stretching out your gummy walls. his other hand drifts over your mound, his thumb finally giving your clit some attention as his fingers graze over a spot inside you that has your hips rising off the bed. 

“stay still. you want to be my good girl, right?” the quiet authority that radiates from mattsun has you clenching around him, doing your best to do as he asks and keep your legs spread for him. “there you go. you’re taking me so well, baby. you’re close, aren’t you? i can feel it” 

mattsun loves showing off how well he knew your body, how it never took long for you to crumble beneath him. a few more idle circles with the pad of his thumb and your orgasm washes over you, rising gently and leaving you relaxed in its wake. 

that state didn’t last long as he replaces his thumb with his mouth, sucking at your clit that twitches against his tongue, still sensitive from your high. “issei! w-wait please give me a sec-” 

his glare is enough to cut through your babbling, his fingers never slowing in their strokes against that sweet spot. you let out a low moan as he adds yet another finger, the stretch just shy of uncomfortable but it’s quick to fade into pleasure once again. the flame in your gut is far more intense this time and you can’t stop the whimpers he pulls from you. you thread your fingers through his dark curls, tugging on them and pulling him deeper into your folds.

“that’s it, princess. cum on my tongue and i’ll stuff you full, i promise. you can do it, c’mon baby.” 

the encouragement has the coil in your gut tightening once more and the lewd sounds of mattsun lapping up every drop that escapes you is enough to snap it. when the blood stops ringing in your ears, you realize he’s shifted your positions. he’s sat cross-legged on the bed with you pulled into his lap, legs locked around his waist. his cock is pinned between your stomachs, smearing precum on your skin and your mouth waters as you catch sight of the blushing tip. 

he whispers your name to grab your attention, naked devotion plain on his face when you gaze up at him. “i love you.” 

this. this was your breaking point. the words you longed to hear every time you picked up the phone for those dreaded calls. your vision blurs with tears that well up and spill down your cheeks before you could blink them away. “you do?” 

“i do, baby, with everything i’ve got. i-“ he falters for a moments, visibly steeling himself for what he wanted to say. “i want to spend the rest of my life with you. there’s not a future i can picture that doesn’t include you. you’re it for me.” 

“i want that too ‘sei.” you hiccup, more tears trickle out faster than you can wipe them clear. 

you feel his whole body relax, hands rubbing at your sides to soothe you. “don’t cry, angel. wait till i’m inside you at least.” 

“shut up.” your laugh comes out watery but it feels good to smile. “how do you go from sweet to nasty so fast?” 

“just wanted to see you smile.” you try and fail to suppress another grin that only widens when mattsun peppers your cheeks with loud kisses. “so pretty and all mine.”

“all yours.” you repeat, grinding your soaked folds along the underside of his cock. “and you’re mine, right?” 

“that’s right, princess. go on, take what’s yours.” 

sinking down on mattsun feels like coming home, the empty ache finally gone as he fills you and you both moan when he bottoms out. there’s no way for you to bounce in this position but you find that you don’t mind. you feel closer to him like this, what little space there is between you vibrating with how vulnerable you both were. 

it’s relaxing, slowly rolling your hips against each other, not building towards anything and indulging in the other’s touch. your hands roam across his broad back, sucking dark marks into his neck while he grabs at your ass, kneading and groping so possessively you clench around him. 

“fuck.” he groans next to your ear. “keeping squeezing me with that princess cunt, you feel so fucking good. just like that, good girl.” 

“issei…” you whimper, pressure gradually building in your gut as your grinding gets sloppy and legs grow weak. 

“what is it, baby? use your words.” 

“want more, ‘sei i want your cum.” 

“yeah? want me to fill up this greedy pussy and keep you warm with my cum?” he leans forward, keeping you cradled in his arms as your back hits the mattress, your legs still crossed around his waist keeping him as close to you as possible. 

you nod, half delirious with need and mattsun begins thrusting in earnest. his cock is so thick he nudges against every sensitive spot along your walls, his tip battering just below your cervix and hitting so deep you swear you can feel it in your throat. his hands pry yours open from where you had been gripping the sheets and laces his fingers with yours. a swell of love rises in you and has you gasping for air as he fucks you into the mattress. you can’t even hear your own moans over the squelch as you grow wetter and wetter and the smack of his heavy balls against your ass.

your orgasm takes both of you by surprise, ripping through you so violently you’re left a shaking mess. mattsun’s hips stutter, bucking wildly into you as he nears his own high and you stare in awe as he reaches it. it’s a sight you’ll never get enough of, how beautiful he looks as he spills endlessly inside you, mindlessly grinding it deeper with his softening cock. 

“you okay, angel?” he asks, pulling you in for a sweet, lingering kiss. 

“mhmm. can we stay like this?” you weren’t ready to put any space between you, not so soon after reconnecting.

“‘course we can.” he settles over you, knowing exactly what you need. his weight a reassurance that grounds you in a way words never could. it’s a conversation in its own right, one that could only pass between two people who knew each other as well as you knew each other. in the quiet afterglow he tells you that he’s here with you. that you were going to work on being okay again. that he wouldn’t let you feel that lonely ever again. and you believe him with every fibre of your being. 

dedicated to: @honeykeigo @ohno-otome @keigobaby @saintdabi @toshidou @sawam0chi

[kimmyyang]

210408 Zhang Zhehan's interview with Elle Magazine

"I want to be like Ah-Xu, be a gentle yet strong person."

On the day of the photoshoot, it was a rare windy day in Bei Hai. The weather forecast reported it will rain, which made everyone slightly heart-stricken. "Can we still take photos by the seaside?", "how about changing the location?", we were worrying, but fortunately it didn’t rain, only left with steer drop in temperature and roaring wind.

On the way to the photoshoot location, Zhang Zhehan recorded the sound of wind outside of the window. To be able to use the last bit of daylight before the sun sets completely, after filming, he only had one hour and a bit to go back to the hotel, have dinner, change clothes, and get his makeup done. And now, when we have done everything, he uses the time in the car to chat with the long-waited fans in the drama interactive zone.

Busy is an expected state. But when we saw him at the location, you can’t tell any trace of being busy from his face. The strong wind blew the gravels on the beach in the sky. During the interval of the photoshoot, everyone couldn’t help but complained about the cold wind and getting sand all over their faces. Only Zhang Zhehan looked more relaxed as if he came back from a different beach as us.

When we moved to the coffee shop, we finally had time to sit down and talk. He asked the staff to give him a cushion for his back, at that moment, it was probably the first time that made us realize that he is actually very tired. "It’s tough and tiring to be an actor, right?" we haven’t even finished the sentence, and he disagreed, "it’s all the same, every job is tough and tiring."

It seems that he has a big heart.

He chose to ride to Tibet with his friend for his graduation trip. Like his mum said he always has the spirit of seeking out suffering. Speaking of this journey, he said: "we’re living too happily, most families don’t have to worry about clothes and food, don’t need to go through a lot of hardships. I like what Huang Lei teacher once said, ‘people will only have faith after suffering, people will understand kindness after suffering.’ I think after seeing the suffering in the world and feel the suffering yourself - you will be kind to others."

After hearing what he said, you will realize that ‘big heart’ could have been a misunderstanding. He can’t dilute ‘sufferings’ more than others, instead, in the moments of ‘seeking out sufferings’, his feeling towards ‘sufferings’ is stronger and more abundant compared to most people.

He has a very meticulous side, he feels, understands, and hides his ‘sufferings’. Then, those experiences and feelings related to sufferings become something that is hard for others to spot on him.

He said, "when we’re going through a hardship, we can only see the hardship itself, you don’t realize that it’s actually reminding you something and teaching you something else." This is also his understanding of being mature – you can see the many sides of one thing.

‘Bruce Almighty’， ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’， ‘The Bucket List’ are his favorite movies. He said, "there’s a line from Bruce Almighty that left a deep impression – do you really hope God will give you happiness? Maybe everyone’s interpretation of happiness is different, but in the movie, the protagonist only realized it at the end, God was giving him happiness, but not the so-called happiness, God taught him the ability to gain happiness." He pressed his thumb again his chin, slightly looking down, earnestly sharing his impression of the movie.

He added, "you’re actually changing your perspective of the problem." Like what he wrote before, "being mature is being able to see the things that you couldn’t see before."

Maybe if the settling time is long enough, you will be able to stay calm in the change of tides and guard yourself in the quicksand under your feet. Speaking of popularity, he was calmer than we expected.

He said, "popularity is very important for an actor. I think it’s complementary, when you’re popular, you will receive more attention. You will be able to carry some things on your shoulders, first, it can prove that you have the ability, second, it can prove you’re acknowledged by the market."

He continued, "as actors, we also need to be acknowledged by the market. I have seen some amazing actors, they put so much effort into every character but maybe haven’t been acknowledged by the market yet, so they remain unknown. Therefore, a lot of great characters won’t fall into their hands.” It sounds cruel but it’s an undeniable fact. He added, “if you’re not popular, good scripts won’t even land in your hands."

The success of ‘Word of Honor’, to Zhang Zhehan, is like winning the lottery.

He said, "the success of a drama depends on timing, geographical and social conditions, none of these is dispensable. There are hundreds and thousands of dramas filmed each year, but in the end, there will only be one or two that everyone would love. That kind of feels like winning the lottery."

Working hard is very common, it’s nothing special, he thinks it’s unreasonable if you just use ‘working hard’ and ask why you are ‘under appreciated’. Just like how everyone praises him for being an experiential actor and praises his immersive acting. But he thinks, this is the passing line to be an actor, this is what actors are supposed to do.

He said, "if you’re an actor and you don’t experience the character, how could you portray it well, if you don’t get into the character, how could you make the character come to life?"

Working hard, experiencing, and immersing… he views them as a refined definition of actor, these are the preconditions of the lottery ticket. As for whether you can win the lottery in the end, no one can predict it. At least in his experience, he waited for 11 years for that winning lottery ticket.

After the filming ended, he wrote ‘jianghu, goodbye’ on Weibo, when the last episode aired, it was exactly 6 months after the last day of filming. His Weibo is on the setting of showing only the recent 6 months’ posts, as if it was a ‘long been destined’ farewell.

Perhaps the character Zhou Zi Shu is destined to be his. During the four months of filming, he had to gradually reveal Zhou Zi Shu’s two thousand layers of gray, he had to find him, become him, and lastly live the rest of his life for him.

Actors are probably all like this, they always must pour in their own life, emotions, and experience to make the character come to life. The process of making the character come to life means the actors get to experience life and emotions once again.

"Life is experience, you need to put some of your experiences into your characters."

Hegel mentioned in ‘Lectures on Aesthetics’ - 艺术通过供观照的形象可以缓和最酷烈的悲剧命运, 使它成为欣赏的对象。(thank you @sixteenthshen for providing the original quote!)

the specific lines zzh mentioned is bolded: If we are in a general way permitted to regard human activity in the realm of the beautiful as a liberation of the soul, as a release from constraint and restriction, in short, to consider that art does actually alleviate the most overpowering and tragic catastrophes by means of the creations it offers to our contemplation and enjoyment, it is the art of music which conducts us to the final summit of that ascent to freedom.

The reason why those so-called pains are endowed with aesthetic tension may lie in ‘being watched with pleasure’. Those most beautiful things aren’t been torn in our real lives, they become one ‘tearing performance’ after another, being shown on the stage, shown on the screen. The existence of aesthetic distance made ‘those so-called pains’ into something that can be bearable, having its own appreciation.

That so-called ‘pain’ experience comes more direct towards actors, there’s not much room for leeway. In his previous interview, he commented that Zhou Zi Shu is the most memorable character, the character that hurt him the most. Talking about ‘getting hurt’ again, he thinks that is unavoidable.

"I say that an actor has to get into the character and get out of character quickly. But when you’re acting in a happy scene, that happy feeling might last for a day or few days. When you’re acting in a sad, heart-broken scene, even you say it’s ok, it’s fine, it won’t affect me. But it will affect your mood, including your actions. When I go back to my room, I can’t help but to think about that scene, I might not be willing to go out and walk around."

"So, do you think acting is a process of wearing yourself out and wearing emotions down?"

"Of course, of course, of course, it’s wearing myself out." He said of course three times consecutively, "it’s not just wearing my emotions down, it also wears my physical strength out, wears my experience out, and a lot of my own things. So, if I want to do well in a piece of work, I can’t go into the next crew right after I have finished filming. Because you will have traces of the last piece of work, it’s actually hard to accept and get into the next character."

"I personally really like to stay in the filming crew, the reason why I said Zhou Zi Shu is great is that we couldn’t have any other work due to COVID-19 restrictions. I was in the crew for 4 months, in peace. I was looking into and experiencing the character carefully."

On the day of the interview, the Q&A part about acting was the most ‘unrestrained’. Every time we throw out a question, we would always get a powerful and resonating reply. From the perspective of a bystander, you could feel that he is the kind of person that is shining in his professional field.

At the end of every drama/ film, he would choose to leave that environment, and go out to have fun for few days. "I’m not insisting that I need to disengage from the drama/ film, I just want to relax, return to myself, return to Zhang Zhehan’s life."

"So, when you’re looking at Zhou Zi Shu again now as a viewer, do you have any different sentiment?"

"Of course, I would think of the funny parts and incidents. A lot of interesting bits that I’ve added in myself, you can see it in the character." Fortunately, as an actor, he can also feel the happiness that ordinary viewers have.

In our conversation, the words that he mentioned the most were 'gentle yet strong'.

"I really like netizens' comments that Zhou Zi Shu is gentle yet strong."

"The quality that I admire the most now is gentle yet strong."

"I feel like now I want to be like Ah-Xu, someone who is gentle yet strong."

"I want to be like Ah-Xu, become a bit gentler."

He thinks this seemingly contradictory combination is very interesting, "strong describes a person who is strong, whereas gentle is soft. These two words may seem to have no connection, but when they’re put together, it’s also a perfect connection."

"I didn’t feel this way before. I used to think people have to be strong, powerful, how can you be gentle yet strong? I think that’s something I need to learn now. This person must make everyone around them feel comfortable and think of others, but at the same time he/ she is also an individual who’s very strong and full of capabilities."

"Like water, it’s like this when it’s calm, it’s like that when it’s surging high."

He used as many hand gestures as he could as he wanted to express what’s on his mind as much as possible.

Gentle yet strong, this is what he saw, felt from Zhou Zi Shu, and it’s also the character experience he most wants to leave behind.

"Speaking of what hasn’t changed for 11 years, is that I’m still acting; speaking of changes there are a lot. All these years of experience, it became my understanding of each character, in contrast, 11 years of acting experience allowed me to learn a lot from my characters."

To him, every big or small character he had in the past 11 years is a mutual encounter, he gave something to the characters, and the characters also left him with something.

Those who have seen his acting praise him that he truly understands Zhou Zi Shu, so we asked how he could stand in the perspective of Zhou Zi Shu to understand his words and actions. He doesn’t think that it was understanding, it just naturally happened.

"I didn’t deliberately try to understand him, I think what he did was just following his heart, that’s how I feel, so that’s how it should be. I would ask if it was myself, can I do that? Is it acceptable? If I think it’s ok, then it’s right. If I think it’s unacceptable, I will definitely tell the director - 'I don’t want to act this way.'"

"I read another book today, the main idea is the most important thing for people is to know themselves. Know yourself, know what kind of person you are, then you will know the world. You need to learn how to reconcile with yourself, learn how to communicate with yourself, tell yourself when you need to keep going, when to compromise, when you need to understand, when you need to be strong… you need to keep being yourself and convince yourself at certain times."

Meeting Zhou Zi Shu, to Zhang Zhehan is also the process of meeting and knowing himself. "But I’m probably not as mighty as Zhou Zi Shu," he laughed.

He thinks that he’s not at the age of looking back, the things that have happened, just let them go. "There’s nothing to remember in particular, there’s nothing memorable. And my occupation, a lot of people will remember for you, they will remember your good, remember your various moments, so I don’t need to remember. What I need to do now is to live well, my current life, future life, and get into the next role."

"When I can’t act anymore, I think I will look back more."

Now, he wants to challenge a new area, "I really want to act in movies, act in more movies. 40 episodes of acting and 2 hours of acting are different, condensed acting is the quintessence. I still need to learn how to act well in the 2 hours."

And "I hope I can be a director one day."

The beautiful scenery in spring is as deep and wide as the sea, it’s fortunate that we get to meet.

"My occupation, many people will remember every moment of yours."

"Immerse into my next character, and live well - that's what I need to do now. "

Translation by: KIMMYYANG

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Dear Evan Hansen

You may have seen some ~online discourse~ about the film Dear Evan Hansen, an adaptation of the 2016 Broadway musical, and you might have wondered what all the hubbub is about. I mean, it’s a feel good story about a senior in high school, Evan Hansen (Ben Platt), who has some pretty severe anxiety and depression. While trying to fulfill an assignment from his therapist to write a letter to himself, his letter gets picked up by another student, Connor (Colton Ryan) - and later that day, Connor kills himself. Connor’s grieving parents and sister Zoe (Amy Adams, Danny Pino, and Kaitlyn Dever) are desperate to learn more from the boy they think was Connor’s best friend - after all, Connor’s suicide note was a letter addressed to “Dear Evan Hansen.” And, as you can imagine, Evan tells them about the unfortunate mistake and sits with them in their grief as they struggle to pick up the pieces of their lives. 

Just kidding! He lies to them, repeatedly, elaborately, expansively for months, constructing an entire false friendship with Connor that never happened, and ingratiating himself into the wealthy nuclear family he never had, in large part because he wants to get into Zoe’s pants! THIS IS THE PROTAGONIST OF THE STORY. Oh, and it’s a musical so there is a lot of singing and crying and singing WHILE crying and sometimes crying and not singing at all. But the #inspiration, you guys. 

Things I liked:

Pretty much everything but the story and Ben Platt’s performance. The supporting cast is stacked, and all of them do a great job at elevating material scraped directly out of a diaper worn by someone who just chewed their way through a copy of the DSM-5. 

A couple of the songs are damn catchy - “Waving Through a Window” and “You Will Be Found” are standouts for a reason - and here’s the thing, Platt sings them well. But as you’ll discover, there’s a lot more to a movie musical than just singing your part. 

Stephen Chbosky, the man behind every deep thought I and a lot of people in my generation had in 2006 after he wrote The Perks of Being a Wallflower, is a pretty good director. I particularly enjoyed the fanvid-type cuts in “Waving Through a Window” in conjunction with the lyrics, and his use of interstitial shots to flashbacks (and sometimes flashforwards!) is a neat little bit of shorthand that I thought was used sparingly enough to be effective. 

Amy Fucking Adams. She’s holding on so hard, so desperately to the idea of who her son could have been, rather than the reality of who he was, and she is full of such deep pain that is masked by an almost endless supply of patience with Evan and relentless positivity. All this made me want was Enchanted 2 even worse than I already did. 

Super into everything Zoe wears - the costuming department did a great job, and now all I want to do is live in mom jeans and baggy sweaters.

Did I Cry? I teared up a couple of times because I’m not a completely heartless bastard and when Amy Adams offered Evan Connor’s college money, my heart broke for the lie Evan had thrust upon her, and Julianne Moore’s song got me good, because she’s just a single mom to Evan who is doing her goddamn best. 

Things I hated more than the time I dropped a frozen gallon container of fruit cocktail on my pinkie toe in my parents’ garage and it turned black and I thought it was gonna fall off:

Ben Platt is 28 years old. He originated the role of Evan Hansen on Broadway, so in many respects it makes sense that he plays the role in the movie, except for the one kinda sorta important thing where he looks like a wizened old crone standing amongst a sea of children doing his best twitching, cringing Hunchback of Notre Dame impression. If you want someone to convincingly play 20 years their junior, hire Paul Rudd. Otherwise, please don’t ask me to believe that this supposed 18-year-old has crow’s feet. 

And that twitching nervous energy is a huge part of the black hole at the center of this film - he’s playing to the cheap seats and walking through the halls of his high school like a wet chihuahua. It’s an excruciating acting choice to watch - he doesn’t just have anxiety, he is on the verge of a nervous breakdown seemingly every second of every day. Like honestly, where is only-mentioned-never-seen Dr. Sherman, because this young man’s meds are NOT WORKING DR. SHERMAN. 

There’s such a lack of self-awareness on behalf of the writing, directing, and performance by Platt. There’s one song, “Sincerely, Me,” that offers the only glimpse of commentary about what Evan is doing, by pointing out the malicious ridiculousness of him writing a series of fake emails as proof of his and Connor’s friendship. 

Also what high schoolers email this much?? I know this was written in probably 2014 or so, but has a bitch never heard of a text? Even a DM? This whole plot is constructed around the premise that high schoolers are just constantly, constantly emailing each other. 

Everything - and I mean EV-ER-Y-THING - about Evan’s relationship with Zoe is so creepy and disturbing that with a soundtrack change, this could easily be a horror movie. He attempts to get her to like him by describing to her all the things her brother noticed about her - oh wait, I’m sorry, all the things HE noticed about her while he was skulking in the shadows following her around for years, watching every move she made, and it ends with him singing repeatedly “I LOVE YOU” because following a girl around and never having a conversation with her or knowing her at all is love, right? This was clearly written by the same people who chose “Every Breath You Take” as their wedding song because Sting is hot and they never actually listened to the damn words. 

And it gets about 10 billion times worse when Zoe goes to Evan’s house alone, takes him up to his room, and sings “I don’t need reasons to want you” and that was the moment I was that person I hate in a movie theater and I pulled out my phone to Google who wrote the music and lyrics to the musical (we were in the back row of the theater no one was behind me THIS WAS AN OUTRAGE EMERGENCY) and of motherfucking course it was written by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul, 2 men who heard about meeting an actual human woman from a friend one time but otherwise are unfamiliar with the concept. 

Lastly, enormous serial killer vibes from Evan sending unlabeled flash drives anonymously through the mail with no note in an attempt to right his wrongs. That’s not catharsis, that’s how the next installment in the Saw franchise starts, with Evan in a Billy the clown doll mask showing up on the screen and asking if you want to play a fucking game. 

Also, I know it’s not possible for the narrative to justify this in a way that could be satisfying based on Evan’s actions, but what is with this thing where single working-class mom Julianne Moore is turning down rich people’s money for Evan to go to college? Like, obviously we can’t have that happen in the movie but in real life, fuck your pride! Take those rich people’s money!

I also know how movies work but nothing annoys me more than a giant group of high schoolers all getting beeps and boops to indicate text notifications all at the same time because I don’t know a single person under the age of 55 who keeps their ringer on. That shit is on vibrate AT MOST, and I feel like that’s a millennial thing. 

The emotional climax of the film is obviously Evan’s WAY TOO LATE confession, but the idea that it’s prompted by Connor’s family suddenly getting a lot of internet hate is, frankly, laughable. If Sandy Hook taught me one thing, it is that no tragedy is immune from trolls who live only to cause other people devastating emotional pain on the internet. That shit starts day 1. Apparently no one involved in this production has ever been on Twitter?

Also it feels like there should have been a dog somewhere in this movie and there was no dog, so points off for that too. 

Perhaps Dear Evan Hansen isn’t nearly as deep as it aspires to be. Perhaps it’s a morality play, a simplistic message of “Don’t lie, kids, lying is bad!” Major studio movies wrap themselves up with a nice bow at the end so everyone can feel good about themselves and leave with a happy ending, but the moronic cruelty on display here makes that feat feel impossible. We’re left with Evan in an orchard, reading Connor’s favorite books and staring into the big blue sky with all the self-actualization he’s earned now as a lil treat. And if Evan Hansen looked like an actual 18-year-old, it would be a lot easier to extend more empathy to him and his not-fully-developed prefrontal cortex, but it’s a little harder with this fully-grown, weathered man who was old enough to remember seeing Liar Liar in theaters. 

Dear Evan Hansen, 

Get some actual help and a haircut and maybe you can grow up enough to have an actual healthy interaction with any other living person, ever.

Sincerely, 

Me

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[asset35-maya]

Nines Wick

[John Wick x DBH cinematic AU]

Part ONE of THREE:

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Welcome to Detroit, 2040. A technological dystopia ruled by contract killers and android mercenaries who live by a very complex code of conduct.

A cinematic universe of powerful imagery, stylised action sequences and the compelling narrative of a morally ambiguous protagonist…

**********************************

After years of burying people at the behest of the highest bidder, one android built by Cyberlife decides he’s had enough. There’s far too many bullet holes in his chassis for him to justify another “business trip” to his cop husband. So the RK900 settles his debts with the powers that be. He does… whatever he has to and gets out… vowing to never come back…

Life is good. Life is quiet for many years. Just Nines and the man who saw right through him from the very first time they met. Hank was undercover and Nines was on the job. They both knew exactly what the other was despite the friendly barroom banter they engaged in.

Falling in love with Hank was easy. The sheer number of times they ran into each other was definitely helpful, but more than that, it was the beliefs and principles they had in common. Watching the backs of comrades, playing by the rules no matter how evil the game, etc.

[Mrs Wick <--> Hank]

They lived happily for years, and then Hank got sick. Liver cirrhosis. The price of drowning his sorrows in alcohol for decades before he found solace in Nines’ arms.

They tried everything. Medication, transplants, and even praying for a miracle. Nothing worked. Nines buries his husband with no one but their dog by his side.

Sumo is Nines’ only comfort as he grieves a monumental loss. Feeding and walking the giant St Bernard is the only thing that gives his days meaning.

[Daisy <--> Sumo]

One day, Nines is driving around Detroit as usual with Sumo beside him in the car. They’re going nowhere in particular. It’s just that being in that vintage car and gliding along the Ambassador Bridge makes them feel just a little closer to the sky… just a little closer to Hank.

On the way back home Nines stops at a gas station to refuel and pick up some dog food for Sumo. Some youths approach him as he’s waiting for the attendant. It’s clear that they’re high out of their minds on Red Ice, but Nines has never been one to judge anyone’s indiscretions. He nods as they walk up to him.

They ask about the car. They’ve never seen anything like it. In the era of fully autonomous vehicles, it’s a rarity to see anything on the road with an actual steering wheel.

[John’s car <--> Hank’s car]

“How much?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“How much for the car?”

“It’s not for sale.”

An ugly look twists upon the ringleader’s face. His sidekicks begin cackling at the prospect of anyone refusing such an offer. They leer at Nines menacingly, unable to see that he’s an android because of how exhausted he looks all the time these days.

Nines waves a dismissive hand and gets back into the vehicle. He’s not up for any kind of confrontation, and certainly not with that kind of lowlife. He goes home, feeds Sumo his dinner and goes into stasis.

In the early hours of the morning, his system detects smoke and jerks him awake. The house is aflame. Before he can so much as yell for Sumo, he’s yanked out of bed and thrown onto the living room floor.

Heavy blows rain down on him. Punches land on his solar plexus, and the chassis starts to cave in. Nines mentally kicks himself for not getting his old injuries repaired by a technician. He’s forced to curl in on himself to protect his most vulnerable biocomponents. He can’t get up. There’s too many of them.

Through the barrage of fists and heels, Nines catches sight of two things that cleanly wipe the vow of non-violence from his software. One is the face of the young man from the gas station. The other is the motionless mound of red fur on the carpet…

He blacks out and the last thing he hears is the engine of Hank’s beloved car.

[Iosef Tarasov <--> Leo Manfred]

Nines’ system reinitialises several hours later. He’s not sure if it’s recovered properly, because he seems to be on some kind of autopilot. He watches himself from some back room in his own head. He locks the door for whatever it’s worth and makes his way down to the underground basement.

There’s a series of boxes to be removed and bookshelves to be pushed to the wall. Once the floor is clear, he begins to attack the concrete. With his bare hands. Drawing every last bit of power remaining in his batteries. He pounds his arms into the ground… until it cracks… and the steel door of a vault is exposed.

Nines opens and enters it with a strange feeling of calm. It feels like he’s going back home… even though that’s where he already is. He pockets a set of gold coins and looks around fondly at his wares. A plan unfolds rapidly in the labyrinth that is his supercomputer mind, and Nines almost smiles at the speed with which his old ways returned.

Then the phone rings.

The voice on the other end is familiar. It’s pathetic and reedy. Trying to overcompensate with big words and high-minded sentiments. Even without call tracing, Nines immediately recognises the man from his past life.

The unimaginative fool who made his fortune capitalising on the naivety of those far more talented than him. The man who made it big in the art world and quickly moved on to explore its underbelly. The man whose son, it seemed, was no better than him.

Hardly bothering to listen to Carl Manfred’s inane attempts to prevent a war that had already begun, Nines hangs up.

[Viggo Tarasov <--> Carl Manfred]

On the other end of the line, Carl looks at Leo for what he knows is likely the last time.

Because if there’s anything that Nines is… it’s

a Man of Focus, Commitment and Sheer Fucking Will…

//

Stay tuned for parts TWO and THREE to find out what roles the other DBH characters play!

Special thanks to @rjhpandapaws for being my sounding board and helping me create this AU

[wavesmp3]

[ksw] clouds

sunwoo x reader

wc. 5k warnings: medical inaccuracies, death, illness, hospitals, overall just a pretty heavy piece genre can only be described as an absolute mess inspired mainly by san junipero but also slightly by charlie kaufman and wong kar wai

a/n: this is supposed to be told nonlinearly but like the creation of it was very messy so i have no clue if it actually worked, so good luck trying to make this piece make sense of this :) 

act iii. scene iii.

Sunwoo sits and watches the sun shift from pink and blue to an impossible shade of green. And it’s then he knows that without a doubt Clara has ruined the color green for him. Because instead of marveling at the color of the sky, Sunwoo is reminded of the doors in her apartment building.

“Thought I might find you here.” The voice of a stranger who Sunwoo loved once upon a time says behind him. He tries like hell not to turn around. Not to lean back towards the voice and wait for your hand on his shoulder or your shin knocking familiarly against his back. He focuses on the waves crashing below instead. The roar of the water beneath him is deafening, but only if you let it be. He does, and he almost forgets that you’re behind him.

“Where’d you go?” You ask, now sitting next to him, tugging at the long grass. 

“I’m right here.”

“And what about in there?” You bring a finger up and poke at the side of his forehead. 

He turns to you, facing you in full. He takes in your features like it’s the first time all over again. And, oh, he wishes he knew before how many firsts you already had together. This is just another. This is just the first time he’s seen you in the past six months and remembered the thousands of times he’s seen your face before. 

He studied your cheeks. The one he now recalls running the back of his palm over after you left for the Cloud. 

He memorizes, for the millionth time, your eyes. He used to swear they were darker than they are, but then he saw them in the sun. He was dying back then; then he saw your eyes and you saved him. Just like that. 

Mr. Choi was right of course. As he always must be. You and him are like an old married couple. Not like. You are. Almost were. 

“I had lunch with Mr. Choi today.” He tells you. 

You squint at him. “I know. It’s Thursday.” You pull out a piece of the grass. “What’d he make?”

“Ramen.”

“Was it good?”

“It was okay.”

“Too spicy?”

Suwnoo answers with a sigh, looking away from you and back towards the water. The deafening waves crash against the cliffside. “I know you looked at your file.” He finally says. You stop pulling at the grass. You still. “Mr. Choi told me.”

After he says it, there’s a silence that isn’t actually silent at all. The waves rage below his feet. The seagulls are there too, beneath, above, somewhere, everywhere. And then, of course, there’s you and Sunwoo, trying to be silent over the static in your heads and the machines you’re hooked up to in a universe far far away. 

“Did he tell you about my file?”

He looks at you again. “No.”

“Oh.” You look away, brows furrowed, lick your lips, and then turn back to him. “So why are you upset?”

“After he told me, I went and I…”

“You didn’t.”

“I looked at mine.”

There’s another silence, except that this time it really is quiet. Sunwoo read once whilst in a rabbit hole of medical research that true silence only happens in a vacuum, where there is no medium for sound waves to travel through. This must be that. This place, the files, Mr. Choi and Mr. Chan, Clara and her apartment building full of green doors--it’s a vacuum. And they stick people in it then call it the Cloud. They call it extra time. But it isn’t. It’s nothing and he’s stuck in the middle of it. So Sunwo stares at you, straight through the vacuum of time and space you’re both lost in, waits for you to say something, and then waits for himself to hear it. 

“You looked?” You finally say, voice folding in on itself. 

“Yes.” Sunwoo’s own voice is barely there. You must be reading his lips which you’ve always been good at anyways. 

“So you know now?” 

“I always knew, and now, I remember.”

act i. scene iv.

There’s been an accident. 

That’s what they say when the sun falls out of the sky and the world starts spinning in the wrong direction. It’s how they show up at Sunwoo’s door painted in shades of blue and red, with authority in their arms and hands on their hips. How they prepare him for the looming moment where they rip past his skin, blood, bone to shoot a gun straight at his heart. I’m so sorry for your loss, they say leaving him with a bullet lodged somewhere between his left and right atrium. 

And those are the four words that play over and over and over in Sunwoo’s head as he gets to the hospital. Those are the words that crawl inside his open chest and turn him blue and black with infection. There’s been an accident, he remembers, staring at the extraordinary measures taken to keep your heart beating and lungs beating. This is it. Except that the accident isn’t that you’re dying, but that you’re dying. It’s always supposed to have been him. He’s supposed to be the one stuffed with tubes and hooked up to monitors, the one whose life is hanging on by a thread, and you’re supposed to be the one that saves him. It all feels like a play that’s gone horribly wrong because everyone switched parts after intermission without telling him. At what point did you steal the role of dying protagonist from him? 

We did everything we could, a stranger in a white coat says. Except that it’s not some stranger, it’s your colleague and co-worker because this is the hospital you work at and the hospital Sunwoo met you in. There was too much damage to the brain, they explain as the image of their tear-stricken face goes from your friend during intern year to the doctor who operated on you as your brain went dead. 

“We have two options, right?” Sunwoo is far too familiar with surgery and all this. He knows from his hospital days what’s supposed to happen next. But apparently, things have changed since then. 

“Actually, there’s a third option.”

Sunwoo doesn’t waste a second. He jumps out of the chair stained red from his bleeding heart and asks: “What is it?”

“We can upload them.”

act iii. scene ii.

In fifty days of living in the cloud, Sunwoo has learned all about the people that he shares a building with. There’s Mr. Chan who lives behind a vomit green on the same floor as him and who hasn’t left his room since last January. There’s also Mr. Choi, who lives behind the emerald door and invites Suwoo over for lunch every Thursday. Clara lives upstairs, where the walls are painted in various shades of green--olive, seaweed, moss, hunter, shamrock, sage, and others that Sunwoo tries not to think too deeply about. He’s only met Clara once in the past fifty days and has no particular wish to see her again. He hadn’t expected her to be a kid. Cancer, you told him after their introduction in the lobby, poor girl was only seven. As said before, Sunwoo tries not to think about it. 

And then of course there’s you behind the forest green door who has been slowly showing him all the good places. There’s the beach where you spent the day making seashell necklaces. The  cafe which serves its tea too sweet for him, but sweet enough to be considered your favorite. Sunwoo just gets the chocolate bread. You took him downtown. To a club. The tallest building. And to midtown where the amusement park is. 

But his favorite place you’ve taken him so far is the cliffside above the beach, where the waves crash against the rocks in a way that can only be described as violent. That day you and him laid in the grass and stared at the clouds with your heads dangling just over the edge and water spraying the backs of your necks. That day you turned to him and told him you’re sorry. For what, he asked. I’m so sorry you’re sick, you said, but it’s nice to have you around here. I think in a sense, we’ve both been waiting for this. Then, you smiled and stole all of the blood from his body. So yeah, that day, that place--it’s his favorite. 

Today, you take him on a hike up a mountain. 

“Do you believe in an afterlife?” You ask him after having spent thirty minutes silently staring at the view from the best peak. 

“One after this?”

“Yeah. I guess. Although, I’m not so convinced this counts.”

“I don’t know.” Sunwoo shrugs. “Maybe.”

“Do you think we’d be able to be with our loved ones in it?”

His chest lurches. “If there is one, yes.”

“Do you think it’ll be different than this?”

Sunwoo turns to you finally. “Why are you asking about this?”

You shake your head. “Nevermind. It’s a stupid question.”

He turns back towards the view. From here, he can make out Clara’s building. He thinks about her, about Mr. Choi and Mr. Chan, who he recently found out were once married but who haven’t spoken since Mr. Chan read his file in January, and he thinks about you and about him. 

“I think,” Sunwoo says, loud enough so that you can hear after wandering a little bit away from him, “that whatever the afterlife is, if it does exist, it’ll be worth it.”

You turn to him, but don’t make any move to come near him again. “And if it doesn’t exist?”

“Then life will have been worth it.”

The corner of your lip lifts. “I like that.”

Sunwoo only nods at the sentiment, and after a long while, he builds enough courage to ask, “you’ve been here a really long time, haven’t you?”

“Time doesn't work as linearly in the cloud as it does in the real world. Sometimes it feels like I got here and then you arrived the very next day.” You turn back towards the view and exhale heavily. 

“But yes. I’ve been here for an eternity.”

act ii. scene i.

Before he actually sees you, Sunwoo feels you. Not you, in particular, but something in the distance, a presence in the corner of the room and a pair of eyes watching him from somewhere far away. 

The scariest part is how much the feeling doesn’t actually scare him. 

--

Two days after that, he starts to see you in the flesh. He tells himself that his mind is playing tricks on him, that the person he saw in the produce aisle wasn’t actually you at all and was just a stranger with the same hair. 

He doesn’t go straight home from the store that day. Instead, he stops by the hospital and checks in on you, but even that doesn’t do anything about the fact that he sees a shadow of you behind the bed.

--

The day after that, you speak to him. Standing in the middle of his kitchen in broad daylight, you speak, you say hello, and the first thing Sunwoo thinks is that he’s dead. 

You aren’t, you reply. You’re a zombie, he reasons, here for my brain. I’m not. A ghost. No. Are you, here Sunwoo falters, fear flooding out of his body to make room for the briefest blotch of hope that’s crushed almost immediately by you saying: I’m not alive, Sunwoo. You saw me in the hospital yesterday. 

“So then,” he swallows, “what are you?”

I’m here. You look at him, stare at his face and without a sliver of doubt say, I’m here for you. 

Sunwoo knows it’s impossible. You can’t be here. You can’t. And yet, you are. 

Three years ago Sunwoo was told he had three months left to live, and he still remembers how impossibly you saved him from the brink of death. He remembers how impossible things happen all the time, and how impossibly possible it is that this is one of them. He steps towards you, touches your face, and feels the real, impossible thing against his hand. 

“You’re here.”

--

On the fifth day of your haunting, Sunwoo finally has the sense to ask why. 

Why what?

“Why are you here?”

I’m here for you.

“Stop saying that.”

But I am, you tell him. You asked, and that’s the answer. I’m a doctor, Sunwoo. I’m here for you. 

Then, finally, he hears what you’ve been saying for the past five days. You’re here for him. 

And the thing about doctors is that they’re there for you when you need them. 

“I’m sick.” 

Yes, you answer quietly, although it wasn’t a question. 

“Again.” 

I’m so sorry. 

“You’re a hallucination, aren’t you?” Sunwoo’s shocked by how sad that makes him, how disappointing it is. “I’ve been hallucinating.”

Find me in the Cloud, Sunwoo. There’s something I want to say. 

You’re gone by the time he gets to the hospital. 

act iii. scene i.

Sunwoo stares at the hall of green doors, eyes darting from door to door in an attempt to stare down the shades until they confess which one of them is tea green.

“Clara, the landlord, likes colors.” A voice says from behind him. “Every couple of months she repaints all of the doors in different shades of the same one. Before the green, it was yellow.” 

Sunwoo turns around to face you. When your eyes find him, they go blank for the smallest of moments. You give him a look that goes right through him, turning him inside out like you’ve seen the underside of his skin. It irks him. 

“I’m Sunwoo. I’m new.”

You gulp. “You’re here.” He doesn’t know what to make of the statement. Do all people in the cloud act like this? “Why?”

Sunwoo nods, maybe you’re not so weird as much as you just have a weird way of posing questions. “I was told I’m sick.”

“I’m sorry.” You say, frowning like you actually might feel back for him. 

“Have you been here a while then?” You nod. “Can I ask how long?” You shake your head. Sunwoo doesn’t think too much about it. Instead, he returns your earlier question “Why are you here?”

“Brain dead.”

“I’m sorry.”

You ignore it and point to a door down the hall. “I’m forest green. You?”

“Tea green. But I can’t find-” 

You tap the door in front of him. “This one, genius.”

“Oh.” He laughs awkwardly. “Thanks.”

Your mouth parts as if to say something, and your face goes blank again. He feels his skin turning itself inside out because of it. “Have you read your file yet?”

He shakes his head. “I just got here.”

You inhale, softening, and mutter an ‘okay’. You continue down the hall towards your door. Sunwoo is stuck in place. “I can show you around here, if you like. Take you to all the cool places.”

Sunwoo takes you up on it.

A forest green door slams shut down the hallway. 

act i. scene ii.

“Thank you for taking me out of the hospital.” Sunwoo says, exhaling. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve been to a park like this.” 

And it’s true, he really can’t. He’s been sick for so long now, and has been through a multitude of treatment plans and too many surgeries. When you’re sick and have 9 surgeons turn you down after asking them to save your life, you forget the joy of being outside and feeling the sun on your skin. You were the first doctor to agree to the surgery. You’re the only doctor to have ever treated Sunwoo like he wasn’t dying, like he was actually going to live.

“You don’t have to thank me. This is good for me too.” You say, head resting against the park bench and eyes closed. 

Sunwoo inhales, taking in the park with all his senses. A visceral sort of thing you learn to do as often as possible when you’ve been as close to death as frequently as he has. He feels the wood beneath his body and the grass beneath his feet. He feels the light on his skin and the wind pushing against his arms and nose. He listens to the kids screaming at the playground at the bottom of the hill and to the dogs barking within the dog park beside it. He takes all this in, relishes in it for the last time as a dying person. 

You sigh. “One more surgery.” 

“And then I’ll be done with this sickness.” 

You smile. He pretends not to see. “And then you’ll be done.” 

“Thank you for saving my life.”

“Don’t do that.”

“No. Seriously.” 

You smile again, this time at him. Sunwoo doesn’t have to pretend not to see. “I haven’t finished saving it yet.”

He leans back against the bench and closes his eyes. “But you will.” 

You tap on your coffee cup. “Honestly though, you did more work than me.” Sunwoo frowns while you take a sip. “The other nine doctors you called are good doctors, and they made the same judgement call I would have made for any other patient. No sane doctor would have agreed to treat you. But you were the reason I said yes. You had such faith that you were going to live and so much faith that I could do it that I believed you. I might be the one doing the technical saving, but you, Sunwoo, you’re the one who convinced me to do it. You saved yourself.”

He stares at you. The light hits your eyes like it’s finding a way to break through them. In truth, before Sunwoo got sick, he didn’t think he was scared of death, but he is. He’s terrified of it. Sunwoo realized it two weeks after his diagnosis and the day after he was wrongly told he only had three more months left to live. But now, for the first time since he was diagnosed, he doesn't feel so afraid of it. Despite how far he’s come and how close he is to beating this fucking illness, while staring at the light woven through your eyes, Sunwoo thinks he could live with himself if he dropped dead tonight. 

That thought alone, is almost as terrifying as death used to be. 

act iii. scene v.

“I saw your ghost, you know.” It’s the first thing Sunwoo has said to you in over two weeks. “It wasn’t actually you though, was it?” You don’t even bother looking up from your cup of tea. Through the silence, Sunwoo orders a coffee. 

“I didn’t know that.” The coffee turns lukewarm. “It wasn’t me.” You push an uneaten half of chocolate bread towards him. “It’s in your brain this time. Symptoms can include hallucinations.”

“Think you can still save me?” You can’t. If you know that much, you know he’s out of medical miracles, and that this time, he really won’t survive it. But it’s a joke. And you laugh at it.

“Definitely not. I never really liked neurosurgery.”

And all at once, he’s painfully aware of your friend somewhere in the real world that does like it but watched anyways as your brain died before her, split wide open. 

“Anyways, how do you know all of this?” But what Sunwoo really wants to say is brains are killer. Literally. Figuratively. 

“I’ve known since we...“ you hesitate, mouth stuck halfway through a word he can’t place. “After last time, I read your chart and looked at your scans.” Sunwoo nods. He expected as much. He doesn’t ask how you got them. “I’m sorry you're sick again.” You say to him quietly. “I’m sorry you’re dying.”

“I’m sorry you’re dead.” As soon as the words have left his mouth, he regrets them. Because you aren’t. And he knows you too well to think you’d look past the technicality. 

You scoff, shake your head slightly, and with a spiteful smile say, “Can I say it?”

Sunwoo only sighs. “Let’s start over instead.” 

You nod. He pushes the chocolate bread back. 

act iii. scene iv.

Mr. Choi was the one to recommend that Sunwoo give you and himself space. It’s been a month since you and him last spoke, since that moment hovering above the waves after he read his file and after he found out you read yours. He misses you, and has been for so long now. Mr. Choi was wrong. Sunwoo’s standing outside your forest green door to prove it. 

You open the door before he can knock. There’s no shock in your voice when you say his name, like you’ve been waiting for this day, expecting it. 

He looks behind you, at your apartment in Clara’s building that looks just like your apartment in the real world. The same one he cleaned out after you died, still filled with things he gave to your family or donated or took back to his place. He wants to crumble just looking at it again. “Can I come in?”

“It’s only been a month.”

And he knows what you mean by it. Three months is the recommended time off after reading one’s file. To reacclimate, they say, to process. But the insinuation that Sunwoo was supposed to go three months without seeing you makes him feel sick. The insinuation that after a year of being without you in the real world he was supposed to be without you here too, enrages him. Then he remembers how long you’ve been here, and how long you’ve been doing this and feels slightly murderous.

All he says is: “It’s been a lot longer than that for you.”

Your lip twitches. You lock and unlock the open forest green door five times before saying, “Are you sure?”

He nods. You let him in. 

Sunwoo used to imagine what it would be like to meet you again in the Cloud one day. He imagined tears and hugs and kisses. He imagined i love you’s and i hate you’s and i miss you. He imagined the scenario more times than can possibly be considered healthy. But he imagined something. He was waiting for the day. Waiting for this day. But this moment, sitting at your round wood table while you boil water for tea, is nothing like the million different ways he imagined seeing you again. 

And as you set down two mismatched mugs and take the seat across from him, he doesn’t even try to create one of them. “How long has it been since you read your file?”

You watch the steam rise from your tea for a long moment, then stand, grab the sugar and pour a spoonful of it into your tea. You take another spoonful and look at him expectantly. “Want some?” He nods, and you pour the sugar into his. You stir the tea then taste, then cringe, then add more sugar and then ask if he wants it. He refuses. You stir again. Sunwoo watches the whirlpool and waits the eternity it takes you to say: “I read it on my first day.”  

You put the sugar away, satisfied with the tea’s sweetness while Sunwoo marvels at how long you’ve known and how silently you’ve been carrying the knowledge of you and him since he came. And that knowledge is what makes him finally remember one of the reasons he came. “Is there something you want to tell me?” You look up at him when he asks it, exhaling like you’ve been wanting to bring it up for so long now, which Sunwoo guesses isn’t as much of a simile as he thinks it is. 

“Yes, actually. I…” you hesitate, flicking the mug as if the right words will come hopping out of the tea. Sunwoo watches for it. “I’ve just been here for a long time now, Sunwoo.”

“Two years isn’t that long.”

“Time doesn’t work the same here as it does down there.” You tell him tiredly. “It’s been decades.”

He doesn’t say anything.

“In the beginning, I didn’t mind the waiting. I knew you were on your way, but I just,” you hesitate, “I didn’t think it’d take so long for you to come back to me.” 

Sunwoo covers your hand with his. “I’m sorry.” You twist your palm into it, squeeze, then pull your hand away. Sunwoo swallows. “I came as fast as I could.”

“I know. I waited.”

“Do you regret it?” Sunwoo’s terrified of what the answer might be.

You don’t give it. “That’s not what I meant.” 

“Then?”

“I’ve been here for so long, and,” your head drops, voice breaking under the weight it carries, “it’s been so lonely.”

“But I’m here now.” Sunwoo says, leaning forward against the table. “You aren’t alone anymore.”

“I know you’re here. I know, and I thought that would fix it, but it didn’t. Seeing you in the hall that day was so bittersweet, because you were here but that also meant you were somewhere else dying. Because you were here and I still felt lonely.” You stop, chugg the remaining bits of your tea, and then wipe your cheeks. “Do you get what I’m saying?”

“No.” But it’s a lie. He does get it. He knows all about loneliness and the way it creeps inside, so slyly. The way it starts small and then grows, feeding on negligence, until it's too big for your body. He knows how it sits inside you, for all its enormity, and spills into everything. He knows how it lingers. How it has nothing to do with people or lack of them and everything to do with grief. Sunwoo knows all about loneliness. The day he read his file he felt a dam of it burst open within him. 

“I’m saying that in the real world I saved you, and now it’s your turn to save me.” You gulp. “I’m saying that I want you to unplug me.”

It takes a moment for Sunwoo to even register what you’ve said, but when he does remember the life support that’s keeping your body alive somewhere in a universe far away, he doesn’t say anything. He just stands and walks out of your apartment. 

act i. scene iii.

“Doctor, please present.” The attending announces, stepping into Sunwoo’s room for rounds. 

“Mr. Kim,” a resident starts, flipping open his chart, “was diagnosed 14 months ago and has gone through several different treatment plans. When he came to us, the illness had spread and was deemed inoperable and untreatable by several other physicians. Our treatment plan was aggressive and grueling but ultimately, effective. Sunwoo is 20 days post op from his third and final surgery. The surgery went extremely well with no complications and his vitals were excellent. He has been a model patient all throughout recovery, and according to our latest scans, he is also now illness free…”

Sunwoo doesn’t even bother listening to the rest. 

--

“So, now that I’m no longer a patient, if I ask you out on a date, will you actually say yes?” 

“Well,” you say, signing his discharge papers, “only one way to know.”

“What is it?”

You look up at him, smiling. “Ask me again.”

He does. 

You say yes. 

act iii. scene v. take ii. 

“I saw your ghost.” The first thing Sunwoo says after the last failed attempt.

You look up from your tea. “It wasn’t me.” 

“I know.” Sunwoo orders another coffee. “But the hallucination was how I knew I was sick again. It made me feel like you were trying to warn me, like you were up here somewhere caring from a distance. Right after I pieced it all together you told me to find you here and that there was something you wanted to say.” The coffee turns lukewarm again. Sunwoo can’t bring himself to say it. You sigh and push the same piece of chocolate bread back towards him. This time, he takes a bite from it. And with a mouthful of chocolate bread, he cries, “I just got you back, and now you want to leave all over again.”

You frown. “I didn’t want to leave the first time, and it’s different now.”

“How?”

“I want to go. Isn’t that worth something?”

“And what about what I want?”

“Oh, Sunwoo,” you say, “I’m sorry you’re sick. The hallucination was you and your head, but for what it’s worth, I have been up here caring from a distance. I still…” you don’t need to say the words. He knows. He never had to doubt it. “I never stopped.”

“I’ve been thinking about what you asked of me.” Sunwoo tells you. He made the decision last week but today, right now, with your confession still falling through the air, is the first time he’s had the stomach to swallow it. “And I’ll do it. I will. I just need some time. You’ve had so long and in comparison I’ve had nothing.”

“Okay.” You say simply.

“How long can you give me?”

You smile. “You know I’d give you an eternity if you asked for it.”

“I’m scared.” Sunwoo confesses then. “I know it’s what you want, but selfishly, I don’t want to let you again. I don’t know if I’m a big enough person to do it.”

“I do.” You say to him, leaning forward against the table and looking straight through him. “I know because I was your doctor. I have cut inside your body, seen all your organs, and during surgery two, I held your heart in my hands. I felt it beating. So I know exactly how big it is, and I know it’s big enough for this”

Sunwoo feels the heart you worked so hard to repair bursting inside of him. 

“God. Why’d you have to read your file so soon?”

You laugh. “I missed you. I couldn’t help it.”

And just like that, you’ve stolen the entire concept of fear from him. 

“I’m ready.”

“What?”

He looks at you and feels the loneliness slither away.

“Ask me again.”

[melody-of-lost-souls]

THE LAST (what a waste of time)

These are, from my point of view, some inconsistences I found from this movie. Not a proper analysis, just my thoughts.

I dont know where to start but first with Naruto.

I have seen all the Shippuden Movies, from 1 -Death of Naruto , to this one number 7. Almost in all these movies there was a princess or a girl who will be his "companion" across the events of the movie. We had Shion, Amaru, also the Snow princess- movie 1 from Part 1- and etc. In all of them, Naruto had chemistry with them. Not an amazing relationship since we have short time, an 1 hour and half, but there wasn't this akwardness and discomfort around the female co-protagonist.

With Hinata this happened. The Naruto we saw here, it's completely different from the person and shining boy we see until 479. I know, 2 years passed but in Shippuden 3 years passed , and we saw the transition from a kid naruto -12 yo.- to a 15/6 y.o. boy entering in adolescence. Two different evolutive stages, and yet he was the same shingin boy we know; of course he matured AND HE MATURED WITH SO MUCH MORE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.

There are many fact wrong in this movie. First, across the whole thing he looks almost desolated, very quiet and akward. Coy, someone who doesnt know how to interact with hinata despite the fact that across all the manga, he never had problems to deal and talk with her.

Anyway, then we have Sakura insulting, because that what she did, him and saying that maybe "he doesnt know what love is" and Naruto also nods, to don't know what Love is. We are talking about the same Naruto, at age of 12, who made Zabuza Momochi cry

Then we have Sai, saying that when Naruto was whispering Hinata's name in dreams, Sai heard his sentimental spot, he didn't know Naruto had. And It was helping. Again, we are talking about the same naruto who said this to Sai

And I could quote many other scenes but this will be too long.

Then it takes just 30 minutes from the start of the movie to Naruto to "realize" with a epiphany of Jesus, that he ...loves hinata. What I see here is a glimpse of guilt tripping.

Other Inconsistence. they had to make Naruto fall in a Genjutsu -which theorically jinchuriki can not!- in order to let him realize Hinata was in love with him. Also, with the experience of Game of thrones ( i know, i know 2 totally different things but) but with the last shitty season they used the same resource that it was used here. Spit all the facts in your face, again and again just in case you dont forget that naruto HAS to fall in love with Hinata. Because we have this forced scenes between them all the damn time, at the expense of a Naruto totally ooc who can not interact properly with a mate that he knows since genin times. Also we have this recurrent scene from the academy Days, which was never shown on the manga, about some Iruka's class always repeating the quote "Whom would you spend your last day on earth?" Also, they made us recall a love confession that happened ALMOST 3 YEARS AGO, pain's arc, in which Naruto was absolutely indifferent about it until 699.

And it's not even that in these 2 years between movie and anime finale, that we see some approachment and more development between them (same with SS) because IS IN THE MOVIE, in this like 2/3 days that movie events takes place, where Naruto """realizes""" about Hinata's feelings. He literally just took days xD And it's inconsistent because with Sasuke he toook YEARS to set his true feelings AND EVEN THO when Sasuke asked him what A FRIEND means to him? He didn't know how to put that in words.

Following this logic, if a """friend""" took him all this time, i can imagine how it would be with the love of your life.

Also, worth to mention. All the Moon-symbolism stolen from Sasuke's figure. Across the last arc of manga we had a strong portrayal of how Naruto and Sasuke were Sun and Moon respectively.

* Another inconsistence, Naruto doing the ShadowClone jutsu at that short age. Yes, he doesn't make them properly but they were better that what we have seen in Naruto Episode 1. Also, in this movie he did 2 clones, mini clones, but they were capable of speaking, moving, and they were identical to naruto, the only flaw was the size. In episode 1, what he made was a really bad-almost dead-copy

And now some really random stuff that when i was watching this, i thought for a moment this was like Dragon ball.

-Why the fuck they had to fight ON THE SURFACE OF THE MOON? This was IDENTICAL to that episode from Power Rangers Red Forever where all the red rangers fight on the moon surface in order to defeat the bad guy.

I know this is fiction, and we are in fictional world. But naruto never went that far to talk about astronomical phenomena such as "THE MOON IS FALLING IN PIECES AND METHEORS ARE FALLING FROM THE SKY" and we.. We plan on destroying the moon.

Yes, I remember Tsukuyomi Infinite and stuff, but this is very different and came out SP asses.

In conclusion, I think i'm forgetting some things but anyway. This is a bad movie, what a surprise, not JUST because of the ship -i mean yes jeje- but because of all the inconsistences, the out of characterization, the rush on making naruto fall in love with hinata at expenses of some guilt, akwardness, and in 30 fucking minutes.

For being the only Naruto canon movie, it's very poor. I could quote Bonds #2 movie, Naruto's Death #1, Last Tower #4, even Road to ninja, as better material with better plots than this one.