#no beta we die like pentious

[leavingsunsets]

because im bored and going insane, have a little drabble because im going insane. ALSO THIS IS KINDA A CRACKFIC???? you and alastor be silly together. does a cutoff 'kys' count as a warning?

"𝔅𝔬𝔬𝔪 𝔅𝔬𝔬𝔪 𝔓𝔬𝔴."

[𝖠𝗅𝖺𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗋 & 𝗀𝗇!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋]

"I'm back!"

The slam of the hotel doors echo throughout the lobby, an empty one. To which you only notice after a few steps in, swinging the one plastic bags branded '8-11' in your one hand.

"Uh, Husk, where'd all the others go?" You call out, putting them down on the coffee table. "Husk?"

No response. It's also now that you notice the bar was empty. Huh. Where did everyone go?

...

They went out for another redemption activity or something?

(This was the time Cherri took them out to the club. They're out there being judged by the holy court while you were busy sneaking out to raid the convenience store.)

"Gah, whatever. More for me."

You scoop up the bags and bring 'em over to the kitchen, where your chef (the microwave) awaited. Unaware of the red creeping figure by the second floor balcony.

Now, with your multitude of food splayed on the kitchen island, you tap your fingers over each one of them.

"Hmm. A burger or mac' n' cheese... Hmm."

With a shrug, you pop both open and throw it in the microwave, the radiation machine whirring to life as you lean back.

The peace is only broken once a sudden buzz of radio fills the silence.

"Wow. What is this?"

You nearly land on your own ass at his presence, head snapping to look behind you. "!?! WHAT THE HELL?!"

The sight of Alastor happily humming as he rummages through your other bag is what greets you, much to your horror.

"The f- Don't touch that!" you hurriedly snatch the bag away from him, hugging the bulky thing to your chest. "Why're you even here?? I thought you were gone with the others!"

"Eh, some Cherri girl, and a hefty pay," he shrugs, leaning on his cane. "What's that you're heating?"

Putting aside your bag, you squint your eyes at him for a moment. "My dinner."

He stares, raising a brow, "..which is?"

"Mac n' cheese," you grumble, already expecting some kind of reaction from the Louisianian.

"Eugh," yup, there it is, "you call that dinner? Goodness." You sigh, crossing your arms and facing the microwave once more. You weren't in the mood for some kinda wit war with this guy right now.

"Hmph. Back to the search." With a snap, he teleports your bag back to him, already digging through it before you can protest.

"HEY!" you reach out to snatch it back again, only for him to swerve it away. He daintily brings out a blue and red pin between his pointed fingers. Your eyes go wide at it.

"Who's this clown-" he disintegrates right as you lunge across the counter. Reappearing after you land face first on the floor, he continues, "this is the first time I've seen a neon jester of all things."

Face scarlet, you quickly get up and attempt to grab at him. But of course, what was Alastor if not a little shit, rendering your efforts useless. He disintegrates into the floor just as you reach out, teleporting to the other side of the kitchen island.

"Wow! You have 10 of these!" at this point, he was just pulling out the contents, splaying them on the counter.

"ALASTOR! I AM GOING TO SKIN YOU ALIVE I SWEAR TO-" The words die on your tongue the moment you spot him slide out a neatly sealed envelope, decorated with stickers.

At this moment, you seem to lose all sense of fear, or maybe some sort of sensibility to ground you back in reality. As at this moment, you find yourself charging at the demon 100 kilometers per hour, body ready to take any damage if it meant to stop him from even glimpsing at who the recipient was.

Unfortunately, he already did.

"Oho! To think you were a superfan! Of Fizzarolli nonethele-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!"

The microwave beeped in a little musical tune, however, it went unheard as you were busy having a important civilized conversation with the distinguished gentleman with you right now.

He dodges, sadly, disappearing into thin air once more. You basically crash against the counter, upper body smacked against the countertop.

"Ooh, 'Dear, Fizzarolli, I'm your biggest fan! I just wanted to say-' "

Grabbing a pack of frozen croquettes, you fling it at his head, to which a black tentacle sprouts from the ground and smacks away.

You jab a finger at him, face red with humiliation, "YOU'RE AN ABOMINATION TO ORAL HYGIENE." The frozen package flies, knocking the microwave into its plug and jamming it into the socket. A spark.

Right at this moment, Emily hops up to join Charlie in this outcry against the cruel (bi)annual exorcism of heaven, Angel Dust takes a courageous stand against the walking volatile moth himself, and you?

You face your own heavy battle, to which you're not sure will end peacefully. Which is a little generous to say, as he just continues reading the letter despite your insult. You feel a vessel nearly pop at his dismissal.

" '-I started watching your shows just a few months after falling here and-' "

Another packaged burger comes flying at his head. "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, DAMNIT!" you screech, pissed.

"Hmm," for a second, he looks away contemplatively, tapping his chin. Then, it morphs into a smug smirk. "No. This is quite funny to me."

You grit your teeth tightly at his arrogance, veins about to pop, "This. Is why. Nobody. Likes you."

he leans over with a catlike smile, fluttering his lashes as he cutely lays against the kitchen island, kicking his feet slightly. "Awe yew mwad at mwee?"

Maybe it was just your temper, and his audacity, but at this point, you just explode.

"KILL YOURSE-"

And apparently, so did the microwave.

The first thing you feel is the machine's nuclear explosion just to your right, and the splatter of something gooey on your head. You blink.

The mac' n' cheese. You forgot about that.

Alastor remains unfazed and untouched, still lain across the counter and kicking his feet. Red eyes lazily glance at the absolutely blackened charr of a lump in the place of a perfectly functional microwave. "Hmm. Wonder what we're gonna do about that."

You are gonna insane if you have to spend one more minute with this man without strangling him.

[greenunoreversecard]

Hazbin Hotel Masterlist

Alastor (Platonic and queerplatonic only):

A Koala and It's tree-> Alastor x teen! Reader (platonic)

Teaching a old Dog new tricks (task failed succesfully) ->Alastor x teen!Reader (platonic)

Humans are boring->Alastor x platonic! Reader

Husk:

The healers broken heart ->husk x gn!reader

Charlie and Vaggie (together or seperate) (platonic only):

Hellp I 'accidentally' stole a person and now they think I'm they're mother-> chaggie x teen! reader (platonic)

Introvert Sibling! Reader (Platonic)

Cherri Bomb:

None yet, check back later!

Sir Pentious (precious):

None yet, check back later!

Angel Dust:

Don't Hide your Pain-> Angel x M.Reader

Niffty (Platonic only):

None yet, check back later!

Poly!Huskerdust:

None yet, check back later!

Velvette:

None yet, check back later!

Lucifer (platonic and familial):

Introvert Child! Reader (Platonic)

[nerdestiwrites]

call to the devil and the devil will come

The rest of the hotel had gone to sleep hours prior, the last to return to their rooms having been Charlie and Vaggie, strictly because Vaggie had practically forced the Princess to bed. Charlie had tried to argue, to say that she wasn’t tired, that she could stay up, that if her father was staying up then so could she. Vaggie had none of it, picking up the blonde and carrying her up to the bed as the exhausted princess half struggled against her girlfriend. All the while Lucifer watched from the bar, shouting a goodnight to his little girl and her girlfriend.

The bartender, Rusk, Busk, Nusk, something of that sort, had gone to bed just twenty minutes earlier after the King had assured the demon that his assistance was no longer needed. The cat seemed hesitant about leaving the bar unattended, about leaving his job when clearly Lucifer had no intentions of going to bed, but didn’t argue much past a few grunts and small mutters about how it wasn’t his problem now he was off the clock.

He sat at the bar, two fingers holding onto a thin straw as they stirred around the contents of the nearly empty drink. He hadn’t meant to drink, he was a sloppy drunk and knew that much, but Charlie wanted to celebrate now that the hotel had been rebuilt. She wanted everyone to celebrate, and so he agreed because now that he was back with his daughter, he wouldn’t do anything to disappoint her again. He couldn’t let himself drift back into the haze of never knowing what day it was, letting information just pass by him rather than taking it in and understanding it, of letting himself drift away from her again. He wouldn’t let that happen.

The look on Charlie's face when she realized that Alastor wouldn’t be joining the celebrations, was an excuse, Lucifer knew it was an excuse, about needing to prepare for one of his radio shows, or maybe he had said something about a meeting with someone, or something, it didn’t matter in the end. What had mattered was the disappointment on Charlie's face. Lucifer would absolutely not let that disappointment last on his daughter's face.

So he immediately did what he did best. Distraction. He kicked Husk out from behind the bar, having told him that even the bartender deserved a drink sometimes, and began making everyone a specialized drink. A cotton candy martini for Angel Dust, a muddled blackberry old fashioned for Husk, a cherry flavored Vegas bomb for Cherri, a simple spiked strawberry lemonade for Vaggie, and a rubber duckie-themed drink for Charlie. 

A handful of drinks later, and soon Charlie begged for him to drink with them. He tried to argue, even tried to make a mocktail for himself, but that damned cat bartender saw right through it. And so he had a few cocktails as well, and his mixing became less structured, no longer measured, and more of a free pour, which led to way too strong of drinks. The rest was a blurry mess he struggled to keep straight in his head, and now he sat alone, an empty glass with ice melting and a straw stirring it around.

As he stared into the empty glass, the devil let his head rest in his free hand, eyes closing momentarily as he took in a deep breath. Sleep wasn’t something that found him often, and he’d rather do anything besides lay in bed and stare at the wall or ceiling while his mind spun in the fuzzy state it was in currently. That would definitely be a one-way street to spiraling and he had been doing so well at staying focused and keeping his head on straight. If he spiraled now he might leave the hotel, and if he left, he knew he wouldn’t have the energy to return again. 

So Lucifer stood, stumbled, grabbed onto the edge of the bar, and groaned for a moment as the room spun around him. Sitting on the floor sounded like a good idea but he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to get up and what a state to find the King of Hell. No, he couldn’t do that either. It would be at least somewhat respectable if he passed out on the couch inside the parlor of the hotel rather than the floor. 

He forced himself to stand straight, focused his eyes on the couch in the near distance, and moved his legs. He kicked his apple cane, sending it to the floor and rolling away but he couldn’t have cared less about the item. No, he had a goal in mind. Couch. Make it to the couch. His hand moved, his angelic power working without his mind helping, and a small plain rubber duck appeared clutched in his hand. 

He squeaked the duck once, then twice, focus. It helped him focus as much as he hated to admit it, even in the drunken state, and he made it to the couch. Lucifer allowed himself to practically fall face-first into the couch, his entire body fitting along the length of it and he groaned. Perhaps he should’ve eaten before drinking so much, perhaps he should’ve been a bit more firm in his no.

The king really should’ve been better. Better than this, better for his daughter. He shouldn’t have just locked himself away, isolating himself from everyone. That did nothing but hurt Charlie, even if he had thought it was the best thing to do. Now there was a strain between him and her and he wasn’t sure he could ever fix it. He needed to fix it. He needed to. Needed to. 

He needed to have something in the background. Music, a show, a podcast, something to keep his mind focused and not spiraling. A squeak of his duck and he sat up on the couch, eyes searching for a remote or a TV or something. Instead, they found an old radio, one of Alastors radios, and a low grumble escaped his lips. Spiraling might be better than using that demon's radio for anything. 

A squeak of his duck told him otherwise and he sighed. Damn, his mind. Damnit it.

A wave of his hand and the radio turned on. Static filled the room and Lucifer the empty hand over his face before reaching over to fiddle with the knobs on the damned ancient relic, not like he had a lot of room to actually say those words out loud. He wasn’t one to usually want to watch TV, it scrambled the brain, and he was much older than the old radio was.

Turning the dial a few times to the left, and then to the right, the devil settled on a frequency that had been playing soft jazz. The music filled the air and he allowed his head to fall back against the couch as he listened, focusing on the different instruments that he could pick out and recognize. Perhaps if he could sit here long enough, he could get past the drunkenness and skip right past the hangover. Wishful thinking, drunk wishful thinking, but still. The king might not have many hopes left, let this be one that he knew was silly.

The radio started to glitch, or rather, it sounded like someone had turned the dial, interrupting the jazz and filling the room with static. An annoyed look crossed Lucifer's face and he looked up at the small radio. The dial was still pointed at the direction he had left it, but the static continued to get louder and more intense. He frowned, eyebrows furrowed, and he reached forward, turned the dial, and nothing. It remained the same. He groaned audibly now and sat up once more, the duck dropping from his hand and rolling underneath the couch. The radio suddenly shut off.

“Hahaha! What a sight to see! Truly!” The voice with the radio filter over it filled the silence and Lucifer's head snapped in its direction.

There stood Alastor, hands clasped behind his back as he leaned forward over the couch, staring down at the King. The fallen angel growled and went to grab onto the demon, however in his drunken state he had been too slow, or perhaps he overestimated how far he needed to grab, or maybe it was a mixture of both, and he ended up tumbling over the back of the couch onto the floor. A laugh track filled the air and Lucifer could feel the anger and embarrassment flowing through him more. The alcohol inside his system fueled his emotions. 

“You-” The King started as he pulled himself up off the floor, using the couch for support before whipping to face the demon once more. “You are so fucking lucky that Charlie cares for you. I would-would fuck you so hard.” His words slurred and he stumbled to find the words he wanted to say, and even when he wasn’t drunk he had a difficult time saying what he actually meant.

The Radio demon, who now stood a few feet away from the devil, raised an eyebrow, his smile tightening slightly as his head turned to the side slightly, mockingly. He stood there staring at Lucifer with that stupid face, mocking him. Oh, how he would love to wipe that smile off of the other's face.

Alastor stepped to the side as Lucifer rushed at him and watched the smaller man nearly trip and fall once more to the floor. He hummed, and laughed again, loud with the laugh track behind his voice. He was clearly entertained by the devil's inebriated state, which pissed Lucifer off even more. “Do you need help, sire?” He asked.

“Fuck you!” Lucifer snapped as he held his head, feeling a wave of nausea start to wash over him. 

“I would rather not.” Alastor mused, a taunt, and he snickered quietly. “Be careful with saying those words too loud, you might wake a certain resident who wouldn’t be so averse to spending a night with royalty.” 

That hadn’t been what he meant, the Radio demon knew that, he just wanted to get underneath the fallen angels' skin it seemed, and it was working. Lucifer's jaw clenched and he balled his hands into fists, his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands before he took in a deep breath. Then he snapped his fingers, causing Alastors feet to become literally attached to the floor he was standing on.

Lucifer stalked toward him now that the other couldn’t move away and he saw Alastors eyes narrow as his smile tightened, the radio frequencies filling the air erratically. He moved the couch slightly with a wave of his hand so it was right behind the demon and then looked up at his face. The way Alastor stared down at him caused the anger to boil inside his chest more and it gave him the strength he needed. 

The apple cane suddenly appeared inside his hand and the king used it to shove Alastor, shoving him hard with the cane right in his torso, causing the other to fall over the side of the couch onto the cushions as the power holding his feet disappeared completely. 

Lucifer saw a flash of pain across the demon's face, the smile remaining couldn’t hide the pain inside the others' eyes, and for a moment he felt guilty. Then, as Lucifer stood there, stared at the demon as he laid on the couch, catching his breath, a hand over his torso, he could feel it. The fallen angel could feel the angelic energy radiating off of Alastors chest, he could feel it pulsating with every heartbeat and could feel it seeping further into the demon.

He sighed. A deep and long sigh as he realized what he had to do. The image of the disappointed face of Charlie flashing in his mind turned to one of grief and sadness. No, he wouldn’t let that happen to his little girl, he wouldn’t let that look ever cross her face again if there was anything he could do about it. 

And so, even in his drunken state, the anger had completely dissipated and had been replaced. He leaned over the side of the couch, fighting off the next wave of nausea that came rushing forth, and he stared at the demon who glared up at him. Alastor went to get off the couch, wanting to get out from under the King and get away from feeling like he was cornered, however, when he went to move, Lucifer's hand came down and touched his chest. 

A sharp radio noise came from Alastor at the touch, and Lucifer grunted. He undid the buttons on the demon's shirt and pulled away the soaked bandages, staring at the wound intently. “That looks like it-it hurts.” He commented offhandedly as he shook his head. Again, the cane was disregarded, no longer needing it and drunkenly not caring where it ended up at the moment. The fallen angel then hovered his hand over the wound, he knew in his current state he wouldn’t be able to heal it completely, he wouldn’t be able to get rid of the angelic radiation inside the wound that would continue to fester, but he could fight it off some and provide some pain relief. 

The Radio demon had his concerns, that much was evident as his entire body tensed at the light emanating from the king's hand, and he gripped the edge of the couch as he felt the warmth on his torso, but his body relaxed on its own as the intense pain he had been feeling subsided to almost nothing. Alastor blinked twice as he looked down at the wound, watching bright light, and Lucifer smiled confidently, smugly, as he pulled his hand back. That would be all he could feasibly do for the night unless he wanted to pass out and fall on top of the demon. Which would be worse than the floor. 

“I’m going… I’m going to… Fuck.” Lucifer moved away from the demon and shook his head a few times, grunting at his own slurring of his words. He needed to get to bed, even if he wasn’t going to sleep. If he was in his room at least then he wouldn’t embarrass himself so much. 

Alastor, always one to keep a smile on his face, to keep the show going, smirked at the perfect opportunity to spin the scenario back around. “You’re not going to do that with me, sire.”

Lucifer growled and glared at Alastor, immediately regretting what he had done for the demon. “That wasn’t what-what I was fucking saying and-nd you know it.” He snapped. “Going to bed.” Short and to the point, no chance of messing it up that time. 

Normally he would teleport himself to his room, it was easier and he wouldn’t have to walk as he wasn’t sure he could walk, but the risk of teleporting somewhere besides his room was a big enough fear that he decided he’d risk walking and falling on his face. So Lucifer turned away from the Radio demon and made his way carefully up the steps. He walked down the hallway, using the wall for support, and stopping every few feet to make sure he wasn’t going to be sick. Then he’d continue. And once he made it to his room, he congratulated himself before falling face first on the bed, burying his face into the pillows with a loud groan. He’d be regretting every single one of his life choices tomorrow, he knew that. He could already feel the regret with every passing wave of nausea threatening to win and take over. He’d have to tell Charlie, no more drinking nights for this old man, he couldn’t do it anymore.

[technicallymaximumkitty]

Ok so @mooncalf87 brought up the fact that snakes go blind when they shed and me being mentally unwell had to make a fluffy found family sick fic about it sooooooooooo-

(i am so weak for the trope) 

(warning I know nothing about snakes and don’t have anything factually right about snakes and snake shedding in the fic, herpetologists plz don’t get mad)

(also this fic looong you have been warned) 

It has been a while since Sir Pentious joined the Hazbin Hotel. Long enough that he would consider the other residents his friends, and they would consider him their friend as well. It was nice, having friends, real friends and not little eggs he programmed to be his company. However, having friends means they also grow concerned about you when you act differently, the Egg Bois believed anything he said for better or worse. The others? Wouldn't take his word if he wasn't convincing enough. 

******** 

It started about three days ago when he woke up, his bed was peppered with loose scales like a sesame seed bagel. Pentious groaned to himself, shedding season was awful on Pentious. On his airship it would be two weeks of scales, scales, and more scales everywhere he went. His skin grew sensitive, his skin bruised and cut easily, and it was another week of cleaning after he was well again, those buggers getting stuck anywhere and everywhere. The worst part was the three to five days where he basically went blind. He would curl up in a nest of pillows and blankets and not leave until his vision unclouded, relying on his Egg Bois to help him with almost everything. Pentious swears that his spacial awareness gets worse during that time, points where the Egg Bois would have to spoon feed him as it was impossible for Pentious to get the spoon towards his mouth without nearly poking his eye out. 

Sir Pentious stiffened up as it dawned on him, this wasn't his airship. This was the Hazbin Hotel. There were other people he had to think about. Shedding ment anywhere he went he would knock off loose scales, the action of moving would leave scales in his wake. Sharing living quarters meant he couldn't leave them lying around till he felt up to cleaning them. Now he believed that Niffty would be thrilled at the idea of cleaning up such a mess, however Vaggie was incredibly strict on making sure everyone cleaned up after themselves no matter how big or small said mess would be. 

Whatever, it was the early days of the shed perhaps he could get away with it. The night prior his Egg Bois left one of his many identical suits, freshly pressed, draped across his vanity. Quickly changing into his suit he cringed at the scales that fell from his nightgown and sleeping cap. He always had some sort of scales stuck in his hat, it wasn't enough of a punishment having to shed around eight times a year, no, his scales on his frill also acted like dandruff. The loose scale falling off occasionally. It still haunts him the time he saw Niffty eat one of those dandruff scales, no second thought just, chomp. It’s really best not to think about what that little maid does, well anything really. 

“Hello mr.boss man! When did the bed get sprinkles?” one of the Egg Bois piped up as they toddled towards him. Pentious gripped the non existing bridge of his nose, stupid, stupid Egg Boi. 

“You do this every time I swear.” he grumbled, mostly to himself as he adjusted his top hat as it was the most important part of his outfit. Thank you very much. Eyeing the Eggies through the mirror as they dressed themselves for the morning (he would need to help them with buttons later) He nearly choked in disgust. There sat one of the Eggies holding a rather shiny scale close to his lips.

“No! No! Don’t fu**ing eat it!” he shrieked. The egg blinked once or twice before lowering it back onto the bed. Pentious grumbled to himself, stimming with his bowtie. Better than them eating it. How those things could help build ray guns but forget how to tie their shoes is beyond him.

That day he played it like it was nothing, best he could. Considering how awkward he was already, it worked in his favor. The day was a lazy Saturday which worked in his favor, no activities, no group bonding, just him and his Eggies locked in his airship’s workshop building to his heart's content. Everyone knew better than to try to find him on Saturdays. First and last time that happened Alastor got his jacket stuck in one of the gears of his latest project. If not for Charlie he would have been beaten an inch within of his afterlife. Now it was mandatory to plaster the door of his workshop with OSHA compliant warnings. 

He worked the day away tinkering on this and that actively avoiding interacting with others and having his Eggies run around gathering the scattered scales. He had to cut his tinkering to nine PM as that was curfew and he did not need a cranky Angel Dust breathing down his back because his “steampunk bull**it was the loudest kind of banging he ever heard” Pentious had half the mind to presume it was some sort of innuendo. 

Two days later the hotel was seeing less of him and more scales decorated Pentious’s sheets now moving up to his pillowcase as well. It did cross his mind to just tell everyone what was going on, but should he? He honestly didn't want anyone to worry about him, or worse, get freaked out or grossed out by such a thing. First time he was shedding he threw up in pure disgust, his skin was peeling off his body for crying out loud! And that was his reaction to himself, considering how colorful the others were, he would be lying if he said he wasn't worried about their reactions. 

The edge of his frill was now a raw pink, almost all the scales gone from it, patches of pink covering his face and lower neck there were even some red flecks from the now broken skin. Some of his sheds took the entire two weeks, and some, like this particular shed, took about one week. It was a blessing and a curse as he didn't need to hide himself longer but he looked like he crawled out of his own grave with how fast the scales were falling.

“Jussst peachy.” he spat to himself how was he going to face the others looking like his own face melted off? Thing was he could not. Make-up, the usual go to, would upset his sensitive skin; it would sting worse than rubbing alcohol on a cut. Biting his lower lip, Pentious paced back and forth.

“Think da** you, think!” he hissed to himself, some genius he was, why was he drawing a blank? He had to come up with something! Anything! 

That day he locked his door. Hiding was the only option. He knew it would be a fruitless endeavor, Charlie would chase anyone down if they were fifteen minutes late to breakfast, no way in Hell would she let him hole up in his room for a week. Curling up back into bed he hissed as the old scales dug into his exposed skin. He should have asked the Egg Bois to clean his bed, too late now. He wasn't going to get up, he made his bed and he was going to lie in it! 

“Boss man, it’s morning time!” an Eggie chimed up, shaking his shoulder a bit. Pentious growled tossing himself to face the other side of his bed.

“Not now, Eggie. ‘M not waking up.” he grumbled pulling his blanket over his face. Maybe if he did so he could just disappear for a few days.

“But boss man is already awake!” the egg nodded.

“How obssservant of you.” Pentious rolled his eyes, “jussst leave me alone.”

He didn't need to turn around to know his eggs were congregating, rubbing their collective three brain cells together trying to come up with what to do. Their boss man was obviously sick, they needed to do something! This time Pentious couldn't fault them for their confusion, dare he say, he was just confused as them. Hell truly has frozen over.

******** 

Charlie was catching onto Sir Pentious. He was becoming more and more distant each day barely making it to group activities and trying to skip out on meal times. She did not like it one bit, growing concerned over the snake’s activity. 

She knocked on his door, once, twice, thrice. Without an answer she was growing more concerned. 

“Pentious? It’s me Charlie, is everything alright?” 

“. . .”

“Pentious? Pen please, is everything alright?” 

“. . .”

The door swung open revealing one of the Egg Bois who smiled and waved at her “Hello!” Charlie let out a small sigh of relief.

“Hello there, is Pentious in there?” she asked, gesturing inside the room.

“Oh boss man insent takeing any visitors right now!” 

“Can I ask why?” 

“Boss man is shedding right now!” The egg nodded curtly. 

“Shedding?”

“Shedding.” the egg nodded. 

******** 

Pentious woke up from his nap uneased. Someone was in his room, he could feel it. And feeling was the only thing he could do, his eyes had clouded over to the point he couldn't see jack.

Footsteps, he definitely heard footsteps. “who goesss there?” he stiffened up, he locked the door didn't he? 

“Pentious it’s me.” ok he knew that voice. It was Charlie, she owned the hotel no doubt she probably could access a locked room. That did very little to ease his worry, but little was better than nothing.

“Pentious are you alright?” she asked, the question being accommodated by a dip in the bed. 

******** 

Sir Pentious looked at Charlie’s general direction, his once magenta eyes a glassy blue.

“What are you doing here misss Charlotte?” he was on the defensive and it only caused Charlie to become more upset, they were friends right? Why was he so scared of her?

“I came to check up on you, you disappeared there and I was growing worried.” 

“Worried, yesss I, I can sssee how one would grow worried yesss.” Pentious rang his hands, fidgeting the best he could with the lack of bowtie. Charlie reached her hand out gently cupping Sir Pentious’s face. He jumped back startled.

“Pentious your acting a bit strange. What’s going on?” 

“I, I guess I have nothing to hide now.” he sighed. He could admit he was more than grateful with how gentle Charlie was acting. The way she treated him with comfort instead of disgust was something he didn't know he needed until now.

“Yesss im sssheding. It’sss normal for me but, I wassss nervousss about how you and the othersss would react.”

“So that’s why you tried to avoid us.”

Pentious nodded, gently sinking his face into Charlie’s hands. “It’sss rather embarrasssing.”

“Would it be rude of me to ask you something?”

“I don’t sssupossse ssso.” 

“Why are your eyes like that? Is that apart of the shedding?” 

Pentious sighed, “yesss. It isss.” 

“You can't see right now?”

“No I can’t.” Pentious curled up back into his makeshift nest. “it will passs do not fret, one weeksss time and i ssshall be right asss rain.” 

He could feel Charlie get up from the bed, she probably walked away now. Charlie has already done so much to help him already it would be selfish of him to ask for me, especially since he's done this many, many, many times before. And it’s not like he lied to her either. He nestled himself into his blanket nest. Maybe he would ask one of the eggs to fetch him a book later (he had learned how to read braille for such occasions) but for now, he would get more sleep. 

******** 

The next time Pentious woke up he could tell the sun was up high in the sky. Was it a bad thing that he basically slept until noon? Maybe. He stretched himself, getting the excess sleep out of his system. 

“Holy sh** you can unlock your jaw, that far?” 

Pentious jumped back in shock smacking his head into the headboard. How did angel dust get into his quarters? 

“Oof right, my bad i forgot you can't see” 

“What in the nine realmsss are you doing?” 

“Hey man, i don’t want to be here either but Charlie put me on babysitting duty, so like, you're stuck with me now big boy.” Angel Dust sat on the bed next to Pentious, the bed dipping under.

“You don’t have to ssstick around you know. I'm not a child.” Pentious curled onto himself. Shedding was his most vulnerable time and he knew Angel, he wasn't the kindest of people. Angel noticed the snake’s recoil.

“Relax toots I ain’t gonna hurt you, I know where you're coming from.” 

“”You ssshed to?” Pentious didn't bother looking up at Angel, he wouldn't make eye contact even if he wanted to, which, dollars for doughnuts, he didn't. 

“Well when spiders do it it’s called molting but ya. I shed. It’s a fu**ing nightmare, i lose so much fur you could make another me outta’ll those hairballs.” Angel chuckled. It was true, he mottled around four times a year and he showered at least three times a day during that time to try and keep his fur at bay. First time he molded he would have sworn up and down he was dying of some sort of disease. “Oh god I probably got some creepy fans that made dolls outta my old molt.” 

Pentious couldn't help but chuckle at that statement. By all accounts it would be horrifying, a hair doll, but the premise was also so absurd it was humorous.

“He, glad you think it’s funny.” Angel swung his legs so that he was now fully sitting on the bed and not just its edge. 

“You're sitting on the bed?”

“Where else would I be? On the floor? Pfft I'm way too classy for that.” Angel reclined himself making himself comfortable before slinging an arm over Pentious. After the initial recoil of the unexpected touch Pentious leaned into the hug. It felt really nice actually the warmth of another person in his time of unwell. A small coo like hiss came from his throat in a way that could only be described as content.  

“Ohh you like cuddles now do you?” Angel teased pulling himself closer to Pentious in a way where Pentious was leaning his head on Angel’s shoulder.

“Yesss i sssupossse ssso.”

“Aww don’t be such a tease, you like it.” Angle giggled as Pentious nuzzled himself into Angel’s shoulders. 

“I feel sssafe, for sssome reassson.” mumbled Pentious. Not to purple his pros but the hug felt like a rock of which a boat was tied to. Anchored so the boat wouldn't drift into the sea. 

“He, the first time someone said that to me.” Angel shook his head before petting behind Pentious’s frill. 

******** 

after dinner charlie made her way to Pentious's room.

"Pentious?"

"oh yes, good evening Charlotte" he smiled closing his braille copy of paradise lost.

"I baught dinner for you."

"oh, thank you I'm very grateful." he smiled. he could smell it from where he sat, Alastor defenalty had free range in the kitchen.

Charlie handed it to him and with uncertain hands he was able to grab the bowl, only getting his thumb into the gumbo. He gave a shaky smile holding the bowl in a near death grip.

Charlie noticed the uncertainty Sir Pentious had with the bowl "is everything alright?"

"I, I'm afraid I am a bit consered on how I shall eat it." he did not want to spill it on himself, especially since he could feel the heat radiating off of it.

The bed dipped under the weight of Charlie as she sat down. "If you're ok with it, could I help you?" Pentious was taken aback, she would be willing to do that for him?

Charlie grabbed a spoonful for him gently pressing the spoon to his lips he accepted the spoonful. any other time Pentious would be embarrassed at such acting, being doted on like a child, but right now it felt nice, being cared for when he couldn't do it himself. Charlie was a lot more gentle than the Egg Bois, who would jam the spoon down his throat. first time in a long time eating during his shed was not a nightmare and rather enjoyable

********

a few days later and his eyes cleared up as well as his scales finally growing in. he cleaned up as much as he could noting that he dident have to spend the entire day cleaning up his old skin (Niffty must have found her way in his room) but what shocked him most was the response of the others. they treated it like nothing happened. he liked that. no mocking words, no insults on his appearance, no one thinking he was anymore incapable than before.

yes he liked the hotel, and its residents. he never knew the true meaning of friends until now and he was ever so grateful for them.

******** 

Might do some more I had fun writing

[kymanitaylorsversion]

Hazbin Hotel Fanfic Part 2

Author's Note: So, this one has smut but it's not sexy, I mean it's sexual but it's attractive. Anyways I just wanted to warn anyone who is weary of smut. Also there are a couple people I'm gonna tag s that they know the new part is up, anyways enjoy!

FOR PEOPLE WHO DONT READ AUTHORS NOTES

SMUT AHEAD

@unfunnyaceartist @gummy-axolotl

“You didn't tell me I was gonna be a gay pornstar!” Adam exclaims dramatically.

“I didn’t tell you you would be a straight pornstar,” Valentino retorts, amused by Adam’s display.

“You said that I could fuck all the bitches.” Adam pokes at Val’s chest once, only for it to squeak making him give up on the sentiment.

“I didn’t specify the gender.” Adam sighs at that.

“The term ‘bitches’ implies that they are females.”

“Maybe to you.” Adam squints at Val, looking up towards him since he’s at least 3 and a half feet taller, although Adam would never admit that. “And besides, you signed the contract that had all the information right above the dotted line,” he continues as he trails off into his office.

“I thought I could trust you, dude.”

“Interesting,” Val says as Adam internally questions. “So you’ve been taught to never make a deal with a demon but not to read the fine-print. Huh.”

“Goddddddd.”

“He can’t help you down here, love.” Adam scowls at him. “Be right back.” When Val comes back out Angeldust is walking in.

“Hey boss, I’m ‘ere for ya emergency- What in the ever-flying-fuck?” Angeldust makes eye contact with Adam.

“Oh, Anthony.” Angeldust is taken aback by the fact that he knows that name but realizes he is the original man.

“Okay you two, ready?” Valentino re-enters with a knowing smile. He looks at his cameramen and other crewmembers to avoid eye-contact with the two actors.

“I’m fucking him?!” they both exclaim looking eachother up and down.

“What? It’ll be popular. You guys fought on opposite sides, it’s a… uhhh… enemies to lovers.” Angel shoots and eyebrow up as Adam shrugs.

“Let’s get this over with lady-dude.” Angeldust rolls his eyes.

What the fuck does that even mean?

“Okay, drugs, bitches, action!” Valentine says as if he’s going through a list.

“Hey, baby,” Angeldust starts. “I know we fought on opposite sides, but I want that perfect angelic dick.” Angel’s urge to roll his eyes is so bad he wants to rip his eyeballs out at this point.

“Mmm, you’re so hot,” Adam says in a more emotion filled voice than Angeldust’s monosyllabic voice. Adam goes down for a smooth, silky kiss. This isn’t as bad as he thought it would be. Angeldust reaches a hand towards Adam’s pants, lowering them as he falls back onto the bed, dragging Adam with him. As he unbuckles Adam’s belt he can feel his already hardened dick. “Well, I’ll be,” he lightly whispers to himself, feeling the length of Adam’s massive cock.

 “Oh, fuck,” Adam groans once he slips inside Angeldust in his frat-boy-ish voice.  A telltale sign he won’t be lasting very long, Angeldust thought to himself. His suspicions were confirmed 3 minutes later when Adam gave a simple “I’m gonna cum” before spewing inside of Angeldust.

“CUT!” Valentino yelled.

“Goddamn, that was…”

“LISTEN HERE ANGEL BOY,” Angel looked up, “not you,” Valentino said. “YOU ARE GONNA LAST FOR A LONG TIME OR YOU’RE GONNA FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DISOBEY ME!”

And then he did, again, and again, and again, and again, and again. Finally, several Valentino-punches to Adam’s face and Adam coming in Angeldust 5 times, Angeldust not coming onc, they finally got a 2 and a half hour take.

“Fucking finally,” Valentino lamented. “You two are free to go I guess,” he continued nonchalantly. Angeldust starts walking back to the Hazbin Hotel but Adam has no where to go. So, he follows Angeldust home.

[myriicae]

absolutely love how every fandom has its own version of the “no beta we die like [character]” ao3 tag

[myntrose]

ೃ⁀➷partners in crime ︻デ═一

‧͙⁺˚･༓☾────────────────────────────────☽༓･˚⁺‧͙

ft: Alastor x gn! reader

summary: It's another night at the hotel. Everyone is lounging around the shared space, or sitting at the bar. With a boost of confidence (and a few drinks) Angel finally asks the burning question everyone had : How did you and Alastor meet?

cw: demi! Alastor, established relationship(married), Alastor and reader meet when they were alive, reader is an assassin , killing and mild gore (it's alastor yall), a lot of petnames, no use of y/n, no beta we die like men

a/n: it's the way alastor got me smiling and kicking my feet. he got me to break my 1 year hiatus LMAO. also, I am aware that he's ace. I myself am somewhere along the demi spectrum, so this fic is purely for comfort n coping. if you don't like it, pls ignore :,D

wc: 1.5 k (1,469 words)

‧͙⁺˚･༓☾────────────────────────────────☽༓･˚⁺‧͙

The hotel common was filled with low gentle music and idle chatter. Vaggie and Charlie were on the couch, talking about everything and nothing. Nifty was running around chasing some poor roach. Even Cherri was here, with Sir Pentious attempting to flirt with her once again.

Husk was behind the bar, in ordinary fashion. Although he was mostly listening and doing his job, he would occasionally chide into the conversation the other two residents at the hotel were having. Angel was in the middle of telling you about how much of a headache Val was, while you gave him you condolences. It seemed like the only person missing was the radio demon himself, who was probably in his tower, making a new broadcast.

"Speakin of which..." Angel, who noticed Alastor's lack of presence, noted "I got a question for ya toots. How is it that tall, red and creepy managed to bag you as a partner? You're sweet and all, I get that. But how did you even meet-"

The loud slam of drinks caused the peace within the hotel to halt . Husk shoots a stern glare towards Angel, almost to warn him, be cautious about asking question's about Alastor and his darling, you never know if he's listening.

"It's alright, Husk" You send him a sincere smile. While he would never trust your husband, he can't help but believe your words.

"Well, Angel, let's start with this. If you've ever wondered why I'm down here in the first place, it's because of the occupation I had when I was alive. That's actually how I met Alastor."

Oh, maybe you were a thief and were trying to steal something from Alastor. Or maybe a detective that was on the case to solve his murders. Or maybe-

"I was hired to assassinate one of his targets."

oh.

You couldn't help but laugh at Angels' reaction. Sure, you were kind to those in the hotel, and definitely not as threatening as most overlords. He, and most people you met in Hell, just assumed you committed some mundane crime and got the unfortunate eternal punishment .

Taking a small sip of your drink, you start to recollect the unforgettable night that would define your current relationship.

It was supposed to be like any other job that you were given. Your employer would hand you a file, you would find the target, and get paid in return. Maybe it wasn't the most ethical way to make money, but hey, you knew how to kill so you made it work.

You had followed your target into the bar, while waiting away in the corner. Though your eyes were focused on them the entire night, you couldn't help but feel another pair of eyes on you.

It was probably some random patron in the bar, you guessed. It wasn't for another hour when you noticed that your target had left the vicinity.

The streets were dark, with the occasional street light every block or so. It was perfect place to finish your job. All you needed was for your target to turn into some alleyway, and as quietly as you followed him, you'd quietly go for the kill-

Quietly. Hold on, why was it so quite?

Looking up the street, you noticed that what was once where your target stood was now empty. There was no way he outran you, given that you would have heard his footsteps. To the right of you were the woods, maybe he took a detour?

No, everything felt wrong. Every single thought in your brain was screaming to run, to grab your gun that was hidden beneath your coat, to get out of here-

"Careful my dear, we wouldn't want you getting hurt now, would we?"

A cold blade found its way to your neck. Two very disturbing facts became known to you. First, was the fact that the blade was already stained red. And second, you were about to be the second kill of the night.

A million thoughts ran through your mind. Was this how you were going to die? How fast could you grab your gun? Would your employer be pissed off that you died in the job? With your eyes shut closed, you waited for the knife to make contact.

"Now now, there's no need to be so scared my dear! My, you look like a deer in headlights!"

...what?

Opening your eyes, you're met with the mysterious man who just had his weapon on you seconds ago. He seemed vaguely familiar, probably having seen him at the bar you frequent.

"It seems that I've caused you quite a scare. Do know that wasn't my intention. I just wanted to see for myself this new assassin I've heard so much about! You've caused quite the gossip, my dear. Makes good conservation."

You continued to stand in silence, with the initial shock of almost dying wearing off now. As mad as you were that you got caught, you were equally confused on just who this man was. With some more listening to his voice, the answer popped into your mind.

"You- you're that new radio host! Alastor, was it?"

Alastor's smile grew at the acknowledgment. "Indeed I am! Glad to know you've heard about me."'

Had anyone walked into the conversation you two were having, they would have assumed it was one between new acquaintances. In which one has a knife in their hand, while the other has a gun.

"You see, my dear, I've heard quite a bit about your line if work. While I am more than capable of... dealing with others, I propose that we work out some sort of deal. One where you can finally stop working for that employer of yours, and actually make a profit off your talents."

Alastor put out a hand, waiting, watching to see how you'd respond. It's been a long night for you, and you had a feeling that this wouldn't be the last time you saw. Plus, if working with him meant you'd finally have to stop answering to your boss, then why the hell not. You take his hand, before agreeing to this proposition.

"...and since then, we've been business partners. Our relationship kind of just happened after a few moths."

It was nice to look back to when you first met your now-husband. Looking around the bar, you noticed that you weren't just talking to Angel. At some point, unbeknownst to you, everyone at the hotel had come over to listen to your story time.

"Well toots, I figured you had to be some sort of crazy to date smiles, but I guess it takes one to know one." Angels says while taking a shot, still reeling with that fact that someone as kind as you was a killer. Head nods and murmurs of agreement spread within the group.

Before you could say anything, a pool of dark clouds appeared to your side. From the shadows, the very man you were taking about stood before you.

"Hey, Al."

He faces you with his signature grin, before turning to the rest of the residents.

"It seems that I've became the topic of conversion while I was gone! It's quite interesting to see how interested you all are in with me and my dear's meeting."

The hint of annoyance in his voice was entertaining, to say the least. You place a hand on his shoulder, barely hovering above it.

"Aww, come of Al! They just wanted to hear how we first met! Besides, it's a fun story to tell."

"If "fun" means almost killing ya for the first time, I'd hate to know what you guys did when you started dating-" "Shut up Angel!"

You answer a few questions that were asked before everyone eventually returned back to their previous endeavors. Husk and Angel eventually sit around with the others in the common room, leaving just you and Alastor at the bar.

"It's kinda funny, now that I look back at it."

Alastor doesn't say anything, promoting you to continue.

"That night, I almost turned down that job. I was painfully tired, and all I wanted to do was go home. It's crazy to think that we wouldn't have met had I not pushed myself to take the job."

Anyone who knew Alastor would know that him asking for a partnership was simply outlandish. Hell, Alastor himself questioned why he was seeking you out in the first place.

No, underneath he knew. He knew from the first time he saw you. It was a different time from when you both officially met. When he saw you, someone so seemingly innocent, skillfully take down a man twice your size, he knew that he had to meet you.

"Well, mon chéri, it's good that you did."

[eggcats]

Radiostatic fic, where when Vox is watching the hotel prepare for the Extermination and is like “they're going to FIGHT?!” he (internally) freaks out and decides to use the opportunity to try to get a deal out of the princess of hell himself. After all, he has the tech to fight - Angelic Security - it'd be remiss of him to not offer it to the princess and raise his status over that old timey prick!

–

“Vox, you of all people know that Angelic Security shit is a scam. Get your ass back in the chair.”

“Nonsense, Velvette! It's simply…untested. And what better way to beta test its worth than by using it against a direct assault from heaven?”

“If you die, I'm taking your room.”

–

So he goes over to the hotel to offer his help.

(Vaggie tries to stab him when he asks for a deal in exchange, and he doesn't know why he's so desperate to help, so he decides to offer it free of charge).

Alastor tries to veto it entirely, citing how all of his technology is both flashy and useless, but he's outvoted by Charlie. (She doesn't trust Vox, nor does she believe in his tech, but she's not in any position to not accept help where she can get it - at worst, she figures it doesn't work and Vox abandons them).

Alastor and him ignore one another to the best of their abilities - they're both too busy (and stressed) to even really bother with their normal hostilities. The most they do are just a few snarky lines whenever they cross paths, but overall it's fine. (Vox will absolutely not admit to himself that it's kind of nice to not be at each other's throats, for once. They've even had to work together once or twice).

So now Vox is struggling to help the hotel with the oncoming assault, and convinces himself that he'll be long gone before any real danger arrives - he's only here on the off chance they survive to up the status of the Vees. (Totally no other reason).

Except. He doesn't leave the night before, and surprises even himself by showing up ready for the fight.

And the fight actually seems to be going really well! (Vox refuses to acknowledge being impressed by Alastor’s shield, even to himself).

But then. Not too long after the shield breaks, Adam appears. And Vox doesn't understand why he feels like his heart has stopped for the second time. He does his best to ignore it, but then Adam effortlessly kills Pentious and all he can think about is the same thing happening to Alastor.

(He can't die like that loser, I'm the only one allowed to kill him! There's no way that pretentious angelic prick took him down!)

When Lucifer finally arrives to take down Adam, Vox disappears. He will find Alastor, because no one but him is allowed to kill him. He refuses.

Vox finds where Alastor was injured, but with him not being there Vox knows there's only one place he'd go - his radio tower. And he's right! He finds Alastor, alive! (Vox does not admit, even to himself, the blatant relief that goes through him).

Alastor does his best to defend himself, assuming that Vox is there to end him. However, Alastor is barely functioning and despite his best efforts, Vox isn't deterred.

–

“I'm here to help you, asshole! Let me see that injury so we can fix it, and then we can try to kill each other!”

–

Vox refuses to take no for an answer, and does stitch up Alastor's injury. (Vox cannot believe Alastor even survived it).

He succeeds in closing his wound, and ends up looking like he's lost a fight to a badger - covered in scratch and bite wounds. Vox complains about it the entire time, but he's secretly relieved Alastor is alive enough to not take his help lying down.

Anyway, after his help, Alastor finally gets himself ready to return to the hotel. (When he first stands up, he falters and tries to catch himself with his staff - obviously it fails with it broken - and Vox catches him instead. They refuse to look at each other as Vox helps Alastor leave his radio tower and walk back to the hotel).

It's not until Alastor asks Vox how long before he can expect to be on the news that Vox realizes he has no intention of letting anyone know that Alastor is injured. (Alastor obviously doesn't believe him, but Vox does keep quiet about it. He doesn't even tell Charlie when Alastor does his best to keep it from her, as well).

It's not until they arrive with the brand new hotel, Lucifer being present, and everyone recovering after the failed Extermination, that Vox realizes he intends on staying at the hotel, even without his original excuse.

(He needs to make sure Alastor recovers, after all).

[lost-in-horrorland]

Note to self; never offer your blood to help a friend summon demons. Tegan learned that the hard way, after giving a few drops of blood to help Jazz summon a demon to apparently force them into marriage. Tegan just wanted to scroll through Tumblr and stare at the fan works created about the King DILF of Hell known as Lucifer Morningstar from Hazbin Hotel. Nope, instead of summoning a demon from Hell, the ritual instead sends a person to Hell and binds them to a demon to the human in the most ancient of unions. Though, the ritual never specified which version of Hell. Tegan did not sign up for being bound to the Devil Himself in (Un)holy matrimony! At least he's adorable... Maybe they can actually make this work? Only time will tell. A pure self-indulgent Isekai fic with my favorite OC, Tegan Foley, getting thrown into Hazbin Hotel and being paired with Lucifer because of Daddy Issues.

Figured I'd post the link to my Hazbin Hotel fanfic here! It's a Lucifer/OC fic

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Categories: F/F F/M Gen M/M Fandom: Hazbin Hotel (Cartoon) Relationships: Lucifer Magne | Morningstar/Original Female Character(s), Charlie Magne | Morningstar/Vaggie, Charlie Magne | Morningstar & Original Character(s), Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel) & Original Female Character(s), Husk (Hazbin Hotel) & Original Female Character(s, )Lucifer Magne | Morningstar/Original Character(s) Characters: Lucifer Magne | Morningstar, Charlie Magne | Morningstar, Vaggie (Hazbin Hotel), Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Lilith Magne | Morningstar, Asmodeus | Ozzie (Helluva Boss), Niffty (Hazbin Hotel), FizzaRolli (Helluva Boss), Fat Nuggets (Hazbin Hotel), Cherri Bomb (Hazbin Hotel), Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel), The Egg Bois (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Lute (Hazbin Hotel), Adam (Hazbin Hotel), Beelzebub (Helluva Boss), original hellhound character Additional Tags: Pre Pilot Episode, Past Lilith Morningstar/Lucifer Morningstar, Depressed Lucifer Magne | Morningstar, Touch-Starved Lucifer Magne | Morningstar, Lucifer Magne | Morningstar Needs A Hug, Awkward Lucifer Magne | Morningstar, Divorced Lucifer Magne | Morningstar, Good Parent Lucifer Magne | Morningstar, Mental Health Issues, Eventual Smut, slow burn? more like medium burn, Original Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, POV Alternating, OC is chaotic, The Author Regrets Nothing, Author Is Not Religious, Tags May Change, Self-Indulgent, Forced Marriage, Daddy Issues, kink positive, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Hilarity Ensues, Co-Parenting, OC acts like a mom at times cause she has the one working brain cell, not beta read we die like Adam, Humor and Smut with Fluff, Came Here For a Good Time so Hold the Angst, OC is Depressed and Autistic, OC was in therapy before going to Hell

[scribble-brain-aced]

I didn’t know people advertise their fics on here, so here’s mine:

Plot: Sir Pentious is having trouble adjusting to the hotel, easily triggered by memories he’d rather not have, of an asylum commitment that ended in his death. Knowing what the stigma of insanity does, he’s trying his best to forget everything from his past, and hoping that nobody ever finds out. Of course, that doesn’t help with the actual trauma. (Although, being from the Victorian Era, he doesn’t even know what trauma IS, and that definitely doesn’t help.)

Tags (copied from ao3): Trauma, Past Abuse, Mental Institutions, Angst and Humor, i think, How Do I Tag, Period Typical Attitudes, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Poor Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel), What Have I Done, i traumatized the one Okay guy, Character Study, Historical Inaccuracy, Period Typical Bigotry, no beta we die like alex brightman, Bars and Pubs, Minor Original Character(s), Soft Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Traumatized Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel), Whump, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, emphasis on ‘hurt’, Suicidal Thoughts, but in the past, Not Anymore

it would be fun if you stopped by! i just posted chapter 5 btw. you dont HAVE to read it, though-

but uhhh yeah, i’ve never done this before, am i advertising right-?

[ao3feed-anastasia]

Hear This Song (And Remember)

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/51YKExk by Flawlesslogic5 Ten years ago, Adam attacked Hell's royal family with the backing of the Angelic Army. Though King Lucifer escaped to Purgatory, Queen Lilith was killed in the attack and their daughter, Princess Charlotte, went missing. He offers a large sum to anyone who can return his beloved child to him. On the outskirts of Pentagram City, con artists Angel and Vaggie are trying to find an actress to pose as Princess Charlotte in hopes of collecting the reward and freeing themselves and their family from poverty and servitude. Amnesiac orphan Charlie doesn't know who she was prior to age eleven, but she has a clue- a single pendant promising someone will be 'Together in Purgatory' with her. And she means to find them, no matter what. ------- Or, Hazbin Hotel Anastasia AU Words: 4501, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Hazbin Hotel (Cartoon), Helluva Boss (Web Series), Anastasia (1997) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Categories: F/F, Gen, M/M Characters: Charlie Magne | Morningstar, Vaggie (Hazbin Hotel), Lucifer Magne | Morningstar, Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Lilith Magne | Morningstar, Adam (Hazbin Hotel), Lute (Hazbin Hotel), Niffty (Hazbin Hotel), Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel) Relationships: Charlie Magne | Morningstar/Vaggie, Angel Dust/Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Lilith/Lucifer, Charlie Magne | Morningstar & Everyone Additional Tags: Inspired by Anastasia (1997 & Broadway), Human AU, Extermination | Purge (Hazbin Hotel), Memory Loss, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Good Parent Lucifer Magne | Morningstar, Good Parent Lilith Magne | Morningstar, Blood and Violence, Alastor Being Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Will update tags, Canon-Typical Violence, No beta we die like Adam, Implied/Referenced Abuse read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/51YKExk

[whyisthereacentaur]

Oddly specific character tags: Hazbin Hotel edition

Not including the perennial favourites

“no beta we die like Adam”

“no beta we die like Sir Pentious”

Feels like one reason there are so few fics tagged with “angry Vaggie” is because if she’s included and in character, the angry part is… kind of inferred?

tagging a fic for “angry Vaggie” is like labelling a bottle “wet water”

[nerdestiwrites]

Tales of the Shadow (Hazbin Hotel Pirate AU)

The taste of salt wasn’t something that Charlie would ever be able to get out of her mouth it seemed, even after being on land for a few days after making port. Everything had a salty taste to it, bread, meat, ale, or whatever was being passed off as ale in the small fishing port. It either was that she’d forever have the salt of the sea in her mouth for the rest of time or that salt was the only seasoning that the people of the port knew how to use. Perhaps it was a mixture of both or perhaps it was all in her head. Either way, she’d learn to live with it, and hope that the next time they docked somewhere would prove it one way or another. 

Walking had gotten easier, she hadn’t fallen since the first day off the ship, even with her boots getting stuck in the muddy streets and nearly getting ripped off twice now. She’d only had to grab onto Vaggie twice for support, and once did Vaggie have to push her out of the way from a carriage nearly running her over. 

It had been a better day, the best out of the three that they’d spent docked. No one had tried to rob them or proposition them in any way, and most even stopped cursing them out when Charlie would try to talk to them. She couldn’t say it was all luck or the locals starting to like the two of them, a lot of it was thanks to Vaggie. She’d stopped the would-be thieves the first day, and on Charlie's behalf, only took a finger from each to teach them each a lesson. Vaggie would’ve preferred killing them but Charlie reminded her that wasn’t what they were there for. They needed people to want to come with them.

Charlie stopped in front of a tavern that they hadn’t ventured into yet and peered inside. The door was open, or rather, hanging off one of the hinges and the activity of the day had left the piece of wood pushed aside for easy in-and-out access to the place. Laughter, shouting, a crash of glass, and another loud shout covered the music playing from the poor bard on the lute in the corner. A bottle flew past her head and out into the street. It was as good of a place to find a crew as any. 

She stepped inside, took in a deep breath, and immediately made a face at the smell of the place, nearly doubled over. How it smelt a million times worse inside the building, just over the threshold of the doorway, she wasn’t entirely sure, but the smell was pungent. Vaggie took a step in after and placed a hand on her back, giving a warm half smile, “You okay?” She asked.

Charlie nodded, forced a smile as she attempted to breathe as little as possible while inside the tavern, and stood straight again. She adjusted the hat on her head and cleared her throat. “Right, should we split up again? That sorta worked yesterday. We at least got people to talk with us-”

“Absolutely no more splitting up in places like these. Did you forget how yesterday ended?” Vaggie interrupted as she led the others toward the bar. Best to get a drink before they start harassing the customers of the establishment. She was hoping they wouldn’t get kicked out, again, like they had been from every other tavern in the small fishing village. Vaggie was honestly surprised there were so many, and that they didn’t talk amongst one another and just had her and Charlie's faces plastered outside yet with a DO NOT SERVE written on top of the paper.

“Oh, it wasn’t that bad! The guy seemed like he genuinely wanted to join!” Charlie sighed, the optimism still shining through. This had to work, they needed a crew willing to go on this journey with them. Surely there’d be people who wanted to. 

Vaggie laughed at that and shook her head as she handed a mug of ale over to the blonde and placed a few silver pieces down on the bartop for the barkeep. She sipped the liquid, it was a poor attempt at ale, but it’d do the intended purpose of getting one drunk. “I keep telling you, the promise of treasure is much more enticing than just the promise of adventure.”

Charlie looked into the mug, spun the contents of it around slightly, and sipped it. She gagged at the taste and the mug was placed down on the bar as she shook her head. “But I don’t know if there will be treasure. It’s- We’re- I don’t want to lie!”

“It’s not lying per se, it's avoiding the unknown truth! There could be treasure.” She pointed out as she let a smile on her face at the other's reaction to the taste of the drink, “Besides, who knows how long it’ll actually take to find it? There’s bound to be some sort of gain between now and then.”

“Well, I guess that’s true.” Charlie huffed once. Then she felt a pat on her shoulder that caused her to look up at the other woman and she smiled, nodding once. “Okay, I guess we’ll try it that way… and if we don’t find any treasure along the way, it’s not like they’re not gonna get paid. I do want it to be worth their efforts.”

Vaggie gave another pat to the other's shoulder and nodded, downing the rest of her glass and grabbing onto the full one that had been placed down, replacing it with the now empty mug. “Right, well, if we don’t find anyone in this fishing town, there’s another one three days down the coast. After that, we’ll have to turn around and head north and try there.”

Charlie looked over at the patrons of the tavern, eyes scouring to try and find someone, anyone who she might get to join their crew. While she and Vaggie could sail the ship up and down the coastline easily, as long as the weather permitted, anything out on the open ocean needed a full crew. Even if the person didn’t know how to sail, they could teach them. Just extra hands.

“Or we could always tell them what it is you’re actually looking for.” Vaggie offered and that earned her a gentle hit against her arm, causing some of the ale to splash out of the mug and onto the wooden floor below, adding to the already sticky layer.

Charlie leaned back against the bar and ran both hands over her face. “I’m pretty sure that would mean fewer people would want to join our crew Vaggie! We can’t just tell them that we’re searching for the Shadow ship! Most people think that it’s just a myth and those who don’t are terrified of it.”

“Yeah, but it’s not a myth. Your dad went missing years ago searching for it?” The mug of ale was placed down and instead, Vaggie grabbed onto Charlie's hands and pulled them from the blonde's face, squeezing them. “And you say you’re certain he’s still out there somewhere. Some people just want to be known as the person to find it. Some might believe the myth of whoever finds the Shadow ship becomes the captain of the Shadow itself.. That’s plenty enough to entice some people.”

Charlie stared into Vaggies eye as she took in a deep breath to help ground herself, squeezing both of the other woman's hands. She opened her mouth to say something but a different voice cut her off. 

“I do apologize but I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation just now.” A tall man stood in front of the two women, and Charlie couldn’t remember seeing him inside the tavern or how he approached without either one of them noticing. “But, the topic of the Shadow ship has been an interest of mine for quite some time.”

The man was well dressed, especially for the place they all stood in. Vaggie was immediately suspicious of him, her hands let go of Charlie and one rested on the hilt of her sword, lax but ready to react in an instant if needed. The ears on top of his head flicked once, almost in response to her actions, which caused her to stand straighter as well. 

Charlie, on the other hand, didn’t seem to notice either action and she stood up off the bar with a newfound excitement in her eyes. “Yes! We’ve been trying to get a crew together to go after it, find it!”

As Vaggie stared at and studied the man in front of them, the more she began to recognize him. She placed a hand on Charlie's shoulder gently to try and lead her back and away, to get her to leave the tavern entirely if possible, as her other hand now tightened on the hilt of her sword. Charlie didn’t take the hint and instead took a step forward, putting her own hand out for the man to shake. “I’m Charlie, this is Vaggie, my sailing master and first mate!”

“Alastor, a pleasure to meet the both of you.” He took Charlie's hand into his own, brought it up to his lips, and pressed a polite kiss to her knuckles.

Charlie smiled at the action and once her hand was released, she grabbed onto Vaggies, pulling it away from the hilt of her sword. Alastor kept his gaze at both their faces, both hands returning to the top of the cane as he nodded and spoke up once more. “If you have the space for three, I have two…friends… that would be joining me if you would have us.”

“Yes! Of course, we do!” The blonde said immediately, much to Vaggies dismay. 

Alastors smile widened, “Brilliant! I promise that all of us will be a great deal of help on the ship, Niffty will ensure no rodents or vermin of the like survive past the first day of sailing, and Husker is a rather fine bartender and is a rather grand navigator.”

“Charlie I really think-” Vaggie started but was interrupted by the blonde.

“Okay! We were planning on leaving in two days. Tomorrow I can give you a tour of the ship, we can get all of your stuff moved onto the ship and figure out a real plan on where we’ll be heading next!” 

Alastor nodded as he bowed slightly. “We’ll meet tomorrow then, at noon?” He suggested. 

Charlie nodded. “Noon is perfect.”

With just as quickly and silently as the tall man had arrived, he left without another word. Vaggie let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding the entire time and grabbed onto both of Charlie's arms, turning the blonde to face her. Charlie’s lips turned upwards into a wide smile, she jumped up and down a few times as she grabbed onto Vaggies shoulders to try and keep herself from freaking out too much. “Someone actually wanted to join us!”

Vaggie watched her jump. She didn’t want to ruin the excitement that the blonde held and didn’t want to cause the other to worry but she was concerned about the new crew members that Charlie had just hired on.

“You do know who that was, right Charlie?” She asked.

That caused Charlie to have a look of confusion cross her face and she shook her head. “No? Who was that?”

“That was Alastor Altruist, one of the most feared Pirate Lords.” Vaggies voice lowered to a whisper, careful not to let anyone around them hear her words.

It was like the air was ripped from the building and like everything had gone silent. “Oh.”

꒷꒦︶꒦꒷✧꒷꒦︶꒦꒷

The sun shined down and waves gently crashed against the ship's hull. Despite the nice weather and clear skies, the air was thick with nervousness and anxiety. Charlie couldn’t exactly go back on her invitation to the pirate lord Alastor onto her ship, on the adventure. They needed to help, and if he knew as much as he said he knew about the Shadow ship, then his help would greatly improve their chances of actually finding it. Vaggie had promised that if he even seemed like he had any ulterior motives she’d kill him, that was the only way he’d be allowed on the ship, so Charlie agreed to it.

The fishing village had long since started its day, a new ship had arrived with different supplies and trading goods and was already being filled with new cargo to be traded with wherever it made port next. Fishermen had been out and back twice already in search, hauling back different quantities of fish with varying qualities. 

Charlie paced back and forth on the ship, her hat on top of her head and she took in a few breaths. It was going to be fine. Alastor the pirate lord hadn’t been heard from in years, everyone had assumed he had died, his ship sunk, and that was the end of it. Yet there he had been, asking for a spot on her ship. This meant that he was missing his ship somehow, so something must’ve happened. Was he going to try and steal her ship? Once they were out on the open sea, was he going to cause a mutiny, throw her and Vaggie overboard? He hadn’t given that impression but she had been just excited that anyone was interested in joining.

That was why she was always so thankful that Vaggie was by her side. Without her, Charlie was certain she would’ve gotten into infinitely more trouble and misunderstandings that she wasn’t entirely sure she’d be able to get out of. As she thought of the conversation from last night, she now could see that Vaggie had tried doing the same there as well but Charlie hadn’t listened or paid any attention to it. Now they needed to deal with the subsequent outcome, whether that be good or bad.

Focusing on the good, Alastar truly was interested in the Ship as well, and truly just wanted to help her find it. He might not understand that the only reason she was after the ship was because of her father, but still, he had offered not only his help but the help of two more people as well. He was allowed to have his own interests in the Ship, two people with a common interest could get a lot done.

Now with the man being not only just a pirate but a pirate lord could hold problems on its own. Especially if they ran into the Royal Navy. Her father hadn’t been the Crown's most favorite person, though he never told her why, and he had always been on the run from the Royal Navy himself until he settled down on the small island she grew up on. Luckily for her, no one knew who she was, just someone interested in the ocean myths, searching for her father. No ties to the navy or pirates alike, or at least, she didn’t have ties. With Alastor joining her crew, ties were created. Perhaps if they ran into the royal navy she could convince them that he had turned over a new leaf, that he was no longer a pirate. Wishful thinking.

If they ran into other pirates, Alastors' reputation might be helpful. He would know what to say to make them not attack or to leave them alone. Or they might see him and just decide not to mess with them entirely, which would be the preferred option. The actual preferred option would be not running into any pirates and being left alone entirely while on the adventure but she doubted that would be the case. They needed to be prepared for any and all scenarios possible. 

Which was why Vaggie had insisted on having weapons on board, for protection against pirates and the navy alike, just in case she had said. Cannons, guns, gunpowder, swords, and knives alike. Charlie had been practicing her sword fighting with Vaggie every morning for an hour before they went on with their day and she was getting pretty good if she had been honest with herself. That or Vaggie was going easy on her.

“Heya toots!” A voice called out over the crash of waves that caught Charlie out of her thoughts and she stopped pacing. She looked out to the docks and noticed someone she didn’t recognize standing there waiting to be granted access to the ship. “Heard you were lookin for some hands, lucky for you I got four and I’m really good at usin ‘em!”

Charlie blinked a few times and watched as the man held up his four arms and flashed a toothy grin, the sun glinting off a golden tooth. She immediately smiled back and waved at him to board the ship. “You want to join my crew?”

“Been lookin for a way out of this small village for a while!” He walked up the board onto the deck and stuck one of his arms out for the blonde to shake. “I’m Angel, nice to meetcha!”

“Charlie! Nice to meet you!” She shook his hand with enthusiasm and nodded. “You’re just in time, we’re leaving tomorrow morning!”

“Sooner the better,” Angel said as he looked around the ship, his lower set of arms and hands rested on his hips. As he looked out over the small fishing village, he cleared his throat and pointed down at the docks, “Know them?”

Charlie looked back down at the docks and smiled brighter as she saw Alastor standing there with a catman standing on his left and a much smaller woman with one eye standing on his right. “Alastor! Welcome aboard!”

Alastor walked up onto the ship first followed by the two others. None of them seemed to be carrying any bags or personal items at all and Charlie wondered if Alastor had changed his mind. Showing up might have been just a polite thing to do, to tell her in person that he had changed his mind and the three of them wouldn’t be joining. It wouldn’t be the best news but Vaggie would feel relief and at least they had one person joining it seemed.

She felt nervous, more so now that there was a practical stranger standing on the deck as well. Would Angel recognize Alastor? Would he care that Alastor was a pirate? Would he change his mind about joining? “Charlie, this is Husker and Niffty, the friends I was telling you about last night.” Alastor introduced them. 

Niffty smiled brightly up at Charlie and stepped forward, studying her closely before her eyes began scouring the deck for any movement. Husk grunted once as he lifted a bottle up to his lips, taking a sip from it as he fluffed his wings out a bit. It was clear he wasn’t a fan of the bright sunny day as one of his wings extended slightly to try and block the sun rays from his face. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both!” She said before stepping to the side and allowing more access onto the deck of the ship. She motioned for Angel to take a step forward and gave an encouraging smile. “This is Angel, he said he’s interested in joining us as well! Angel, this is Alastor, Niffty, and Husker!”

Alastor looked over at the stranger, the smile never leaving his face as he looked the other over once before nodding. “Pleasure to meet you as well, I am happy to hear that this little crew is growing. By the end of the week the ship will be filled to the brim I am sure. Shall we begin the tour of the ship?”