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marvelouslizzie · 7 months

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One More Night

Summary: You and Bucky Barnes are fuck buddies for a while. The problem is you have feelings for him but you don't think he reciprocates and it just makes it impossible to continue your relationship. Little did you know how much he wants you and how hard he's trying to keep it casual.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Warnings: +18, friends with benefits, idiots in love, unspoken feelings, miscommunication/misunderstandings, angst with happy ending, unprotected sex, pet names, no mention of y/n

Word Count: 3.4K

All work is mine, please do not repost or translate without my permission.

It is one of those days when you feel absolutely worthless. It wasn’t something you felt often before but now…. It is starting to feel like your new normal. You know it’s your fault, and it just makes you feel even worse. You let this happen when you let Bucky Barnes walk into your life without any consequences. Now he just has a free pass to destroy you anytime he wants.

It was supposed to be just fun. Something casual because you know he has no intention of settling down. Especially not with you. Not that he said any of those words but he doesn’t need to. You just know it.

He’s one of the popular guys in your college. It’s not surprising considering how handsome and charming he is. He’s also talented and hard-working. He takes school seriously unlike a lot of people around you. So when it comes to his free time, he just wants to have some fun, no strings attached and you were fine with this arrangement. You wanted to be close to him and this is the price: Your heart breaks every time.

You don’t blame him but you definitely blame yourself because you put yourself in this position. If you weren’t so pathetic, you could simply say no and this regularly hooking-up arrangement of yours would have ended. Yet you never said no and he never stopped coming back to you. Probably because it’s convenient, you can’t come up with any other reason. Like who says no to an easy fuck, right? That is what you are. An easy fuck. Still, it’s breaking your heart every time he leaves your bed. You say to yourself “This is gonna be the last time” but when the next text or call comes, you fold once again.

That’s how you ended up here. Your face is buried in the pillow while Bucky is pounding you from behind. It feels good. Actually, it feels pretty amazing. It always does but this time your emotions are overshadowing the physical pleasure. Tears are streaming down your face and you are grateful that he can’t see it thanks to this position. Then a sob escapes your mouth and you feel betrayed by your own body.

“Does it feel that good, doll?” He sounds smug but you can’t answer him. Not while trying to hold the rest of your sobs back. That seems to worry him. He suddenly stops and when he takes a closer look sees that your eyes are filled with tears.

“Hey, hey, hey! Are you alright?” He sounds genuinely worried. You try to say something but instead, more sobs come out. “What happened? Did I hurt you?”

He didn’t physically hurt you, yet you are hurt. You don’t know how to explain this to him. You feel embarrassed and angry at the same time. You pride yourself on how good you are at hiding your emotions. You don’t want anyone to see you cry. You don’t want anyone’s pity. Yet here you are. Eyes filled with tears, sobs escaping your lips and your heart is shattered.

“Please talk to me!” His desperate tone snaps you out of your thoughts. You try to turn on your back and quickly dry your tears.

“It’s fine. Sorry for killing the mood. I just…” You hesitate for a second but no, you won’t back down this time. “I just can’t do this anymore.”

“That’s fine.” That wasn’t the response you were expecting. “You know it’s okay right?” His worry is so apparent in his voice. “You can always tell me to stop.” What is he talking about? “If you don’t like something or you don’t feel like it anymore… Just tell me next time and I will just stop.”

“There’s no next time Bucky.” The words come out of your mouth before you can process them. You didn’t intend to be so harsh but it came out so definite.

“What?”

“I’m telling you that I can’t do this…” You wave your hand between you two. “...anymore. I’m done. We are done.”

“What…” He sounds shocked and hurt at the same time. You try to avoid looking at his eyes while he struggles to find the right words. “What are you talking about? Did I do something?”

“You didn’t do anything. It’s all my fault.” You have no intention to blame him. You know it’s on you. He never promised you anything.

“I don’t understand.” He sounds so lost. “Just help me understand what happened, okay? I thought everything was okay.”

“They were, for you. It was never okay for me.”

You watch how his expression changes into something that breaks your heart even more. You never thought he would care this much but… apparently, he does. Maybe he’s not used to being rejected. Especially in the middle of sex.

“I… I don’t know what to say.” He looks at your face and then around. “I thought this is what you wanted.”

“What I wanted?” You repeat his words without missing a beat. “I never wanted this. This is what you wanted and that’s why we kept doing it. I was just…” You hesitate for a second because you hate to admit it. “weak.”

“Weak? You are never weak.”

“Oh, I am weak. This is why I kept saying ‘one more night’ to myself whenever you called or texted me. I’m weak as fuck and it makes me angry, okay? I shouldn’t be like this.”

“Doll, what are you talking about?”

His confusion confuses you as well. Can’t he see how much he’s hurting you? Is he really that blind or maybe he just doesn’t care.

“This arrangement might be working for you but it’s not working for me, okay?”

“But… this is what you wanted.”

“I never wanted this.”

“You said we can’t get emotions involved!” He sounds somewhat angry this time.

“Because you didn’t want emotions involved!” Your answer comes instantly.

“When did I ever say that?”

His question makes you stop for a second. He never said that but did he really have to? You know how popular he is. Everybody loves him. He has the prettiest face you have ever seen. You desperately wanted to be with him. You didn’t care how.

“Just look at you.”

“What does that even mean?” Is he doing this on purpose? He surely knows everybody wants him. Why does he have to hear it from you?

“It means you didn’t have to say it.”

“How does… I really don’t understand you.” His confusion is written all over his face. The way he hesitates makes you realize you have to say it out loud to make him understand.

“You are handsome. You are talented. Everybody loves you.” He keeps looking at you with confusion. He really doesn’t get it, does he? “You can have anybody you want!”

“Apparently not.” Why does he sound broken?

“Oh, come on!” Your reaction is instant. “You know you can. Don’t act humble. I’m just easier.”

“Easier?” You don’t miss the disbelief in his voice. “Easier?” This time it comes out more angry. “You were never easy!”

“You know what I mean. An easy fu-”

“Don’t you fucking dare!” The tone of his voice startles you. You never heard him talk like this. “I never wanted just an easy fuck. Especially not with you but that was all I could get!” Your head flinches back slightly. What is he talking about?

“Bucky…” He doesn’t let you continue.

“I don’t know what has gotten into you because this… what you called it? Arrangement, yes, was never my idea! You were the one who didn’t want to involve emotions. You were the one who said anything more than this would affect our friendship. I never said that!”

“I was trying to protect myself!”

“You never showed any interest to me!”

You blink a couple of times, trying to process that information. What did he think you were doing with him?

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You never showed any interest in staying over. You never wanted to do anything outside the bedroom or wherever the fuck we were fucking. Whenever I tried to take you on a date, you came up with a lazy excuse.”

“Uh… what?”

“I tried so many times, sweetheart. You never let me in. You were only interested in sex and now you are blaming me for it. No. Be honest. If you wanna end this thing, it’s fine. You don’t need any lies. I get it. I knew it would happen eventually.” He’s speaking so fast, you can’t even find any opportunity to interrupt him until he stops.

“You tried to take me on dates?” He squishes his eyebrows together like he can’t believe you are focusing on that part.

“Many times. I suggested study dates, tried to take you on that concert, then that one comedy club thing…”

“I thought…” You don’t know how to finish that sentence.

“You thought what? You knew what I was trying to do and you weren’t interested, so I finally gave up.”

“No, no, no.” You jump from your awkward position on the bed. “I never realized.”

“What did you think I was doing?”

“I thought… they were activities with other… people. Not dates.”

“Why would I take other people to a concert with us?” Oh, he really doesn’t get it.

“I thought… you had plans with your friends and… you were… inviting me as well. Just to show… we are nothing more than friends.”

“Oh, dear god.” He covers his face with both of his hands. “Seriously? Why would you even think that?”

You mimic him and cover your face with embarrassment. You don’t want to say it. Especially not to him.

“I… just never thought…” You don’t know how to say it without making him realize how low you think of yourself. “You were interested in anything more than sex.”

“I’m handsome. I’m popular. Everybody loves me. Is that why?” He repeats your words with that god-awful mocking tone and it hurts to hear. What you don’t realize is that he’s making fun of himself.

“Yeah.” Your response comes out so weakly but he hears it.

He starts to laugh all of a sudden and all you can do is give him a confused look.

“God you are so blind.”

“Hey!” You instantly respond.

“Have you ever looked in the mirror?” You make a face but it just spurs him. “You are gorgeous and smart. I always thought you were way out of my league.”

“What?”

“You heard me. You are out of my league.”

“Come on… That’s-” He interrupts you again.

“Please.” The way he says it makes you stop talking. “I have been struggling to come to terms with you not liking me. I just told myself, you have done everything you can. You tried so many times. It’s a miracle she still wants to fuck you. I convinced myself this was all I could get so I tried to make peace with it. Now you are telling me you don’t want to keep doing this. What did you think I was gonna think?”

He just baffles you with every word coming out of his mouth. You look at him, not knowing what to say or what to think, even.

“And you thought you were just an easy fuck? Jesus, doll. Do you have any idea how many times I prepared myself for rejection? Every time I called you, I thought you weren’t gonna pick up. Every time I texted you, I prepared myself to hear ‘no’, and every time it did not come, I was the happiest man on earth because I had one more night with you!”

You don’t know when it started but you start to feel tears filling your eyes.

“Please don’t cry anymore.” He moves his hand on your face and catches a tear before it drops on your cheeks.

“I…” It’s so hard to speak normally. “I never thought…”

“What?” This time it comes out softer. You know he wants to hear it because he needs that assurance as much as you do.

“You would actually like me.”

“Like you? Oh, doll… I don’t like you. The word like doesn’t even cover it.” The smile he gives you ignites something inside you. Something you tried to push down for a long time. Suddenly you push him back a little bit and his mouth falls open but he doesn’t get the chance to say anything. You just sit on his lap, taking him back inside you and it slips right back in so easily. It makes you want to moan out loud but instead, you wrap your legs around his torso and trap him there.

“Oh fuck…” His moan is like music to your ears. It’s so raw and unfiltered.

You don’t say anything. Your hand wraps around his neck before you start to move. His hand quickly finds your breasts, squeezing them a lot harder than he ever did before.

“You are so fucking gorgeous.” He says right next to your ear. You feel his breath on your neck and his lips attach to your neck as if he knows what you want. He starts gently. First, he sucks the skin and makes you whimper. Then his teeth graze the sore skin. When he finally bites the same spot, you realize he was just giving you some time to protest but it never came. His bite pulls a groan out of you and the way it hurts falters your rhythm.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.” He licks the same spot, trying to soothe the pain. “There’s a part of me…” He tries to find the right word. “...that wants to mark you. Show the world that you’re mine.” Fuck, is he serious? He stops for another second to ask “Are you mine, doll?” He sounds so nervous yet possessive.

“I am.” You move a little back and look into his eyes while saying that. “I have been for a long time.”

He grabs your cheeks with both of his hands and pulls you in for a long, passionate kiss. It's all tongue and teeth, making you burn with passion.

“I’m yours, too. I think I always have been.”

It’s your turn to show how much those words mean to you. You start to move again on his lap. This time it’s faster than before and it just makes both of you moan loudly. He wraps his arms around your body while he supports your movement by grabbing your ass and moving you a bit faster than before.

“Shit!” It feels good but it also restricts your range of movement and he realizes it quickly.

“Sorry. I just want to feel you all over me.”

You want to say it’s alright but he’s a lot faster than you. Suddenly you find yourself on your back. Bucky’s still between your legs. He never left inside you while changing the position.

“Wrap your legs around me, baby.”

God, the way he says it sounds like a soft order. You can practically feel the desire running through your veins. Your legs are automatically wrapped around his ass while he starts to move but he doesn’t put any distance between you. His whole body is pressed against yours while he’s kissing and licking all over your neck.

Sex with Bucky never felt like this. It was always good. You don’t remember any occasion you didn’t enjoy it or reach orgasm. Yet this feels like real intimacy. The way he’s making you feel is indescribable. You can feel everything he said before while he moves inside you. How much he wants you, how much he adores you… The way he clings to you fills you with love. All of it enhances the physical pleasure. Loud moans escape your lips.

“So… All this time…” Bucky starts to talk. “You thought I was here because this is easy.”

Ah, fuck. He isn’t gonna let that go, is he? You should’ve known that. You roll your eyes in response but he doesn’t see it. His head is still buried in the crook of your neck.

“All this time… I was where I wanted to be.” Your annoyance quickly fades away as he keeps talking. “Underneath your body.”

“You weren’t always underneath me.” You answer him with a playful tone.

“As long as I’m inside you, the position doesn’t matter.”

“So…” You try to ask as quickly as possible before your sudden courage disappears. “You haven’t been sleeping around with anyone else.”

He raises his head just to look into your eyes.

“All this time, you thought I was fucking other people?”

“I mean…” You were just friends with benefits. What else you were supposed to assume?

“Were you?”

“Was I what?”

“Fucking other people?” His question is a lot more blunt than yours.

“I asked first!” You sound so defensive all of a sudden.

“I can’t live without touching you, smelling you, feeling you… I have been craving you non-stop, only stopping myself from calling you every day, just so I wouldn’t scare you away and you are asking me if I have been fucking other people. Jesus Christ, doll. How blind are you?”

You are questioning the same thing yourself, to be honest. How blind were you? While trying to surpass your feelings, you were overlooking his, as well. It’s just unbelievable.

“Doll?” You didn’t realize you were lost in thoughts. “It’s fine if you have been.” It doesn’t sound fine at all. It sounds like he’s trying to rationalize it so it would hurt less. “I’m not saying I won’t be jealous but it’s not like we were actually together.”

You start to laugh and he gives you a strange look.

“You are such an idiot and you call me blind.”

“What?”

“I only ever wanted you, you moron.”

His smile is so big and bright, it’s worth everything you two went through. His happiness is practically radiating. Suddenly, his lips are on yours, kissing you like a madman.

“You’re only mine.” He starts to move inside you again and you can feel how close you are to coming.

“Only yours.” Your words make him groan loudly.

“Fuck that mouth of yours. You’re gonna make me come before you.”

“You can do that later.” You tease him while moving your hips to meet him.

“Is that a promise?”

“It can be. Only if you fuck me just a little harder so I can finally come!”

That makes him move away from you. He stands up and without losing any time, pulls you on the edge of the bed. You know what’s coming and it makes you smile like a fool. He positions himself between your legs while pushing your knees on your chest. In a couple of seconds, he’s back inside you but the position feels so much better this time. A loud moan leaves your lips every time he hits that sweet spot inside you.

“Harder, huh?”

“Yeah. Just like that.” It’s so hard to not roll your eyes with the pleasure he’s giving you. It’s familiar yet it feels so different this time.

“My girl wants it rough. Why didn’t you just say so?” He sounds cocky there’s also a hint of eagerness in his voice. You can tell he’s close.

“Do I have to tell you everything?”

“From now on, yes. You have to tell me everything.” That authoritative tone pushes you over the edge. “Every fucking thing you feel, okay? Every fucking thing you want. I wanna know everything!”

“Yes!” You practically scream. You don’t know if you are answering him or just screaming because of the way he makes you feel. Your legs are shaking violently while your whole body tightens up. “Fuck yes. Please, please, please, don’t stop!” Your eyes are closed while you are riding your high.

That makes him groan so loudly. Even though you can’t directly look at his face anymore, you just know he’s about to come. He starts to pound on you so forcefully, it just unlocks another level of orgasm for you. Both of your moans fill the room and he keeps going until he empties himself inside you. After what feels like an eternity, he pulls out of you and lays right next to you.

“Fuck, that was…” The struggles to find the right word.

“On another level?” You offer to end the sentence for him. That’s exactly how you feel.

“Yeah.” He doesn’t miss a beat. “We should’ve talked to each other before.”

“We were busy doing other stuff.” You smile and he smiles back, knowing exactly what you mean.

“I guess we did everything other than talking things through, huh?”

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes one shot #sebastian stan #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader smut #bucky x reader #bucky x you #my stories #college bucky barnes #college bucky barnes x reader

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sanakiras · 1 month

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TIDAL WAVE OF LOVE

PAIRING — choi seungcheol x reader

WORD COUNT — 1.3k

SYNOPSIS — even the strongest of people break sometimes. you’re used to hiding your feelings; your boyfriend is there for you when everything gets too much.

TAGS — angst, self-esteem issues, fear of failure, mc has a bit of a breakdown :(( but also a lil comfort

NOTE — cleaning out the drafts bc i have too many 😭 this is wayyyy shorter than my usual works but i still felt like posting it <3 i had a very stressful semester in uni before the summer break and i came across this video on twt of coups giving wonwoo a little comforting squeeze which i found very endearing sooo that kinda became the inspo for this!

the moment he calls out a greeting to you from his kitchen, you close your eyes for a moment. it would’ve probably been wiser to have gone home instead of his place.

you greet him the same way, hoping he doesn’t hear the crack in your voice.

“how was your day?” he asks you once he’s returned to the living room, giving you a kiss.

you press your lips together. “fine. nothing special.”

the first thing he notices is the lack of eye contact you make with him. you’re also being considerably less touchy with him than usual, which he finds strange.

“everything okay?”

“yeah.” you put up a smile that doesn’t appear genuine in the slightest.

he figures you could just be in a bad mood — but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

he knows for a fact that it’s not with the way you’re trying real hard to hide your face from him. you only do that when you’re upset about something.

“baby, talk to me.”

“about what?”

the response comes out snappier than you meant it to. you two have been together quite a while — so he’s come to know that you tend to get a little colder and distant before the dam breaks.

you look at him so briefly to the point where he’d miss the motion if he blinked. the expression equals a silent apology.

of course he always does his best to give you whatever space you need. that being said, he’s also come to know you get into your own head a lot, and sometimes there’s someone who needs to pull you out of it.

you bite your lip in a pathetic attempt to hold back your tears. “it’s fine, cheol, just let it go.”

“well, i care about you, sweetheart. what’s going on?” he’s persistent but gentle about it. you have a habit of keeping your feelings to yourself and hardly ever letting anything out, which leads to everything just piling up and making things worse.

“i don’t wanna talk about it.”

the lump in your throat begins to rise.

“i can see that, but you’ve clearly got something you need off your chest. are you okay?”

you don’t show anyone when something’s wrong unless they mention it first. and even when they do, you’re hesitant.

it’s an exhausting way to live, but you still choose to do so.

it’s one of the reasons why you hate crying. your glossy eyes always betray you.

then you make — what you consider to be — the mistake of looking into his big, worried eyes once more, and you just completely fall apart in front of him.

the tears begin to flow before you can even comprehend it.

“it’s just—god, i don’t even know why i’m so fucking emotional, i just—” your breath shudders, the mildly angry expression that was previously on your face now nowhere to be found, “everything’s been so stressful recently, and i’m scared i won’t pass my classes, and i feel like such a slow learner compared to everyone else—”

he’s rubbing your back, just allowing you to you let everything out. he keeps quiet.

“i feel fucking fragile. and weak. every little thing is just too much right now. i’m sorry, i feel stupid.”

he lets you cry into his chest as his arms are wrapped around you, one hand softly rubbing the back of your head. “don’t feel stupid, baby. you can vent to me, always.”

the sound of your heavy sobs hurt him, because he feels like you’re always so hard on yourself, but he’s glad you’re releasing them. it’s healthier to let it all out than to keep it in.

“it’s just like i can’t breathe, y’know?” you mutter in the crook of his neck, subconsciously wetting his shirt with your tears, “i can’t take a single break ‘cause i’ll fall behind. i’m so tired. i feel like i’m not even smart enough to take the damn course, let alone pass the fucking test—”

once he feels like you’re about to start hyperventilating, he moves back to let him look at you. “long breaths. you’re okay, just breathe with me.”

he purposefully takes long, deep breaths, counting the seconds out loud to guide you, and it works. your breathing is steadying bit by bit, sobs faltering, melting into soft hiccups and numbness.

with dried tears and a slightly hoarse voice, you let out a sigh. “i just hate feeling so incompetent. for once, i’d love to feel smart. i wanna feel like i’m able to keep up as well as everyone else does, y’know? i’m… i’m procrastinating everything and i don’t know how to change it. it all sucks.”

“it’s not easy, baby. don’t be too hard on yourself.” he presses a swift kiss to your skin, and you hold him tighter, as if he were to slip out of your hold if you didn’t.

“it’s not easy for me. it is for them.”

“there’s nothing wrong with that. would you think differently if someone in your class had to put more effort into passing the course? you wouldn’t, right? because at the end of the day, you both make it to the finish line. that’s what matters.”

deep down, you know he has a point. you put the pressure so high on yourself, yet don’t apply the same logic to your peers.

you don’t really understand why.

“and you say it’s easy for them, but i know for sure that they put more effort into it than you might think. trust me. you’ll get to where you want to be, one way or another. if you take a little longer to do that than a classmate, who cares. it’s your life. i know you’ve worked so hard—” he twirls a strand of your hair between his fingers, “even if you don’t pass that class now, it won’t be the end of the world, and there’ll be another chance. you’ll get there.”

now there’s just a few last tears running down your cheeks. “except i’m worried that i won’t.”

“you will. and once you do, you’ll be happy that you got to that point because you worked hard and deserve that success. if not today, then tomorrow. yeah?”

you take a deep breath, exhaling slowly, the last shudders of your breakdown bubbling to the surface as your heart rate finally slows back to normal. “yeah. thank you.”

to show your gratitude, you give him a hug, which he happily embraces, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“anytime. i’m here for you.”

even the strongest of people break — but they can still pick up the pieces and start over.

do your best (but maybe not sometimes) <3

® SANAKIRAS — do not repost, remake or copy my work in any way whatsoever. translations are not allowed.

#choi seungcheol x reader #scoups x reader #svt x reader #svthub #seungcheol x reader #scoups fanfic #scoups angst #scoups fluff #choi seungcheol fanfic #choi seungcheol ff #seventeen x reader #seventeen fanfic #svt ff #svt oneshot #svt angst #svt fluff

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fatale-distraction · 9 months

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BG3 Companions Social Media Headcanons Part 1

I was bored at work and couldn’t stop. 🤣 I’ll make another post with Halsin, Minthara, Jaheira, Minsc, and some NPCs!

~~~

Astarion - Pre-Tav, Astarion's social media is mostly thirst-traps for some kind of nefarious, Cazador-related money-making plot. They barely scoot past the TOS on lewd content. Very little real personal content, anything that isn't a thirst trap is heavily doctored lifestyle content to make it seem like he's living a much more luxurious life than he actually is.

After meeting Tav and getting rid of Cazador, he deletes all of his old accounts and opens up new ones. They're not exactly private, but he's much more careful about who he follows and who can follow him back. The posts become much more genuine. Still a lot of selfies, but they're sexy in the way of a guy just finally living his truth and being comfortable in his own skin. There's more shots of his daily life; waking up with his partner's obnoxious pets strewn across the bed, morning coffee and his current favorite book, new outfits that make him feel more himself. Tav features heavily in most of his posts, and there are probably as many pictures of them as there are of himself.

Karlach - chaos. No rhyme or reason. Lots of parkour and Jack-ass parodies. Constant flood of pictures of her stuffed animal collection. Stupid filters abound. There's several videos of her just flexing. Lumberjack videos. Seven hundred pictures of Tav, tons of selfies together. Videos of her literally sobbing over some cute stuffy she found or a dog she got to pet. "How many times can I say the fuck word before I get suspended." Memes. Memes everywhere.

Lae'zel - She follows three accounts and never posts anything, but somehow she's constantly scrolling through. What does she even do? Her profile picture is still the default. She doesn't have any profile information filled out. It just says "No." Her screen name is just Lae_zel. Every single item in her favorites is a cat video. She has One photo and its a gym selfie. All of her comments seem really mean at first, but they're all weirdly supportive things along the lines of "your teeth are sharp and your visage terrifying".

Shadowheart - total E-girl influencer vibe. Everything is #nofilter. She doesn't need filters. She's god's most perfect princess. You can't even be mad because it's not vanity its just how she Is. Ends everything with Prayer-hands-emoji hashtag Shar'sblessings or Selune'sblessings depending on where she is in that journey. Hairstyle and makeup tutorials and she makes it look so damn easy. "Dye my hair and cut my bangs with me." "Get ready with me" videos nearly every day. Every picture has a comment from Astarion that just says "oh fuck off" because even he can never hope to be as perfect as she is. Or at least that's what her forty-five thousand followers think.

Wyll - The official Blade of the Frontier social media account(s). Fencing videos and promos. "How to polish your horns for newbies" video that's been taken down twenty-seven times for lewd content even though it's literally for polishing actual horns. Accidental thirst traps because damn. Lots of disability advocacy, especially for visual impairments. Weekly Demon/Devil PSAs. Constantly featured in Karlach's vids and vice-versa. Buddy selfies. Once in a while a pic of him with his dad. Pics with Tav are rare, but when he does post them they're the sweetest pictures and he gushes about them for paragraphs. It's a little gross how gushy they are. Astarion comments with vomit emojis and Wyll just replies with an angry face emoji. The purest content. He's so wholesome. Not a swear to be seen. Lots of gentle hype videos. "You've got this. You can do this. I believe in you."

Gale - oh my god he has the most pretentious social media accounts. He's worse than Astarion. "Well, actually" videos with multiple parts because they're too long. Tea and bookshelves. Tara. So many pics of Tara. Tara napping on a book. Tara swatting a fly. Tara in the window. Tara on the kitchen counter. Tara laying in the sun. Tara doing nothing. He has one of those fancy cat terrarium backpacks. Magic tutorials. Mystra simp. Surprisingly few selfies but the ones he has are IMMACULATE. Pretentious book reviews. His only saving grace is that he is HILARIOUS. He's the only one with a reasonable about of pics with Tav as opposed to almost none or way too many, but the captions are always really sweet.

~~~

Part 2 here!

Part 3 here!

Part 4

#baldur's gate 3 #Baldur’s gate 3 Headcanons #bg3 #bg3 headcanons #shadowheart #astarion #wyll ravengard #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #astarion ancunin #lae'zel #karlach

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fatallyaddictedtofiction · 1 month

Text

Im just gonna allow myself to yap about supernatural and see where destiny takes me. SIDENOTE IF U WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS WITH ME LITERALLY PLEASE I WANT TO PLEASE INTERACT WITH ME.

Okay first of all im starting with the start (s1+2). BEST LIGHTING TO MOOD EVER EVER EVER. Like you want dark scary monsters??? ITS THERE. I remember there being a reason they changed the lighting (smugly: yes i listen to the podcast) but i CANT REMEMBER. The characterisation of the macho eldest son coded scared eldest daughter Dean is unreal and parallel in epicness to repressed queer allegory something is inherently wrong with him little brother. The brief moments of emotional vulnerability. Dont get me STARTED on Dean's monologue in the s2 finale i'll start crying. It's crazy how rude john is to Dean like excuse me he raised your kid and now ur bitching about him? Try saying thank you for once. I think the only reason john actually said im proud of you was because he realised when azazel said it dean was like "ur not my dad" and to john it was a little "oh shit" moment. Sam has every right to be angry but every time he gets angry at dean something in me shatters a little because deans trying so hard for himself and sam and sam doesnt know who or how to lash out (emotional dysregulation baybee) so aims for deans jugular like nooo honeyyyy noooooo. This era was the best sam in my opinion.

Rest of the show down here:

Onto S3-5. Cant remember jack about season 3. Season 4 CASTIEL MY BELOVED MY LIGHT MY LIFE MY REASON FOR LIVING. Absolutely loved everything about Weird Cas and i wanted more of him why did they have to domesticate him. His and Deans dynamic was impeccable and yk something??? I wanted to see Dean in hell torturing people i wanted to see it on his face how much he hated that he enjoyed it and i wanted to see Cas' face at watching the righteous man lose. Like the best we got was Yellow Fever GOD I LOVED THAT bit when he was hallucinating the book and it said "you gonna cry?" Like so many people think thats a funny episode but it makes me so sad because he is DYING and from such a young age hes been told to stow it away, lock it down to the point hes HALLUCINATING IT. Cas falling for dean. Im sorry i just. They are the best love story. LUCIFER. He was scarier back then, but i do love later seasons lucy too. Something about the peeling skin and the "we will always end up right here" just slapped. ENDVERSE EPSIODE god so good can we just take a moment to think about it. Okay cool thanks okay. Demon blood Sam arc was fun but had unfulfilled potential. Cant give you specifcs rn its late and my brain needs to get this all out so if you know you know. The whole meta stuff with Chuck was eh until he was confirmed as god and then i was like duuude the faint strings of marionettes are glistening in the sunrise like how do we know --- im getting ahead of myself.

S6-11. I know, its a big chunk. But basically the whole thing could be renamed "Crowley's unrequited love story". Cas and crowley were the best duo i almost forgot like they are genuinely so funny together and i bet it would be great to be tortured by them UMM THE BETRAYAL i honestly loved Cas' episode the only thing i didn't like was how the reveal itself was done like... Idk just a bit... Kryptonite???? Anywho i Loved the tension between Dean and Cas DEAN LOOKED BACK. Um leviathans were my favourite monster but they became so dumbbbb after washing up liquid killed them. BOBBYS EPISODE ALWAYS MAKES ME SOB MY EYES OUT "i raised two boys and they became heroes" allow me to DIE. Also damn impressed a shot to the head didnt take him down but it was lovely to see Deans first world, first solid rock properly crumble around him (forgetting john okay he wasnt a healthy rock) . PURGATORY DEAN JDJSJDJDJD kill me please his fight or flight mode was SO. So sad we didnt get more of purgatory like i would pay to see more i would kill probably but we'll overlook that. Benny my beloved. They definitely all got together Cas included like who wouldnt at that point. Smth i didnt like is how wheneer they went back to purgatory, unlike how dean described it "360 battle 24/7" or some shit like that it was EMPTY. Like please,, i know the plot needs convenience BUT PURGATORY ISNT SUPPOSED TO BE CONVENIENT. But dean recrafting his own memories to make himself believe that he failed to save Cas rather than what he perceived as Cas giving up on him- hang on i dropped my jaw somewhere, gimme a sec i need to go find it-- LIKE. HHHH. The whole mind control shit going on with Cas because his ties to Dean had been severed (saw a post about that and loved it but cant rmb it) and HIM BEING THE ONE TO BREAK IT. The crypt scene mmmm i love. Want more. Mark of Cain dean was literally my favourite. A violent, mentally unstable man who also has bad mental health and is often covered in blood? Yes pls. Cas being with him every step of the way. I havent mentioned Sam in a while. Hes just kind of been there. Hate that he slowly became 2D. Far away in the background hes got his worried expression and is rocking, saying "Dean? Dean? Cas? Jack? Dean?" Like writers why did u strip his personality except for worry. Do Not get me started on the whole Amelia thing ill stab someone. But yeah cas saying he'll watch dean murder the world is my universe :). If someone said that to me id say "omg really?" And develop a huge fat crush (somehow). CHARLIE DYING WAS AN ABOMINATION When they brought back Eileen why not charlie like. Dont bring characters back at this point because theres all sorts of issues grr. Amara was cool af but i didnt like the whole amara x dean stuff because it was just weird. Luciferrrrr hes so girlypop i love him DEAN DIDNT KNOW IT WASNT CAS but thats only because lucy purposefully wore less clothes around him to distract him.

S12-14. Im running out of steam. MARYYY. It hurt to see Sam get along with Mary becsuse he never knew her as anything else while all dean wanted was a mom and that wasnt who she really was anymore. He loved her so much but couldnt break through that barrier of "it wasnt the perfect marriage until after she died" vibes. God that scene in s5 where its suggested dean saw +/ smelled what happened to Mary and he was literally backing himself into a corner BROKE me. Havent mentioned the Wayward sisters but please know they are so important to me they are my everything. Jack is also. Loved Kelly, very sad she had to die. Wanted Jack to be a baby but thats not good for television is it. But i love Jack so much hes such a sweetie who can kill with a thought. Alternate universe michael and Michael!Dean was epic af but michael dying like that was so anticlimactic gonna be honest i think they were just reaching for ways to lose Jacks soul. Garth GARTH!!! Hes so cute. I loved all those "hand recorded" episodes btw like ghostfacers and that one teen wolf type stuff. Dean hiding in his room is so me. Free Will Theory is so fucked up at this point ur sat there saying gods been pulling the strings this whole time and i supposed to be okay with it?? I so get why deans angry but i definitely think thats something Chuck emphasised (crappy excuse for crappy writing) to an extreme level because WHAT. Like dude. I cant even describe how out of character he felt at some times.

S15. Currently rewatching and cant rmb much of it. 3 characters dead in the first 3 episodes. They either kill off all side characters or we dont hear from them at all to tie up or shove away loose ends. I cant even talk abiut the finale please i cant rn im way too tired. It straight up didnt need to exist, it could've only been 19 eps. Cas. Castiel. He did want you my darling.

#okay im done and gonna go pass out #spn meta #spn thoughts #supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #spn rant #spn #destiel #dean supernatural #sam and dean #deancas #castiel supernatural

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calmlb · 4 months

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have some silly skk wedding hcs bc. idk i just wanted to yell w someone abt them

chuuya cries in sporadic bursts the day of but taken altogether it's like 3 hrs of hysterical sobbing

dazai doesn't cry at all because he slips into like a shocked fugue state the second he sees chuuya but he DOES bawl like a baby the next morning

nobody who attended remembers past like hour 4 of the wedding and six months later they're still uncovering some of the wild shit they did during the afterparty. this is because the wedding staff accidentally became part of the celebration and the photographer, who was supposed to record the whole thing, ended up sleeping with one of the cast. it was kunikida.

just to be obnoxious ranpo proposes to poe and chuuya has to be held back by a crying w laughter dazai from Physically Attacking Him

dazai insists on having a bouquet to throw, which he purposefully angles for akutagawa to catch. atsushi faints, lucy's face progresses from angry -> considering in real time (they r a throuple real)

chuuya picks his best man/maid of honor fairly easily (hirotsu and kouyou duh) but dazai basically told the ada to figure it out amongst themselves and come back to him with their decisions (he's lazy/genuinely didn't know who to pick and wanted to outsource) and there was Actual Violence

lots of drama over whether or not to invite mori and verlaine. turns out to be a nonissue bc all verlaine does is cry in a corner about a) rimbaud and b) holy shit my little brother is getting married and after hour 6 mori and fukuzawa disappear from the event (neither they nor anyone else remembers this. very lucky)

ango receives an invitation with no context and has like 3 mental breakdowns about what this means for his and dazai's relationship

7 hours in (it was a long party) kenji's cow somehow shows up (he swears up and down it wasn't him, everyone's very confused the next morning)

it was a sunset wedding, dazai wore white and chuuya wore blue

adam and shirase and some other members of the sheep are there. adam makes fast friends with kyouka, meanwhile the former sheep are very narrowly spared dazai's wrath, mostly bc he keeps forgetting they're even there. it's a big wedding

tachihara tried to drunkenly breakdance, gin laughed so hard she thought she got heart palpitations and was afraid for her life. she went to look for mori and walked in on him and fukuzawa. none of them remember this but now gin feels a vague sense of horror every time she looks at her boss and she's not really sure why

yosano tries rizzing kouyou up and fails by any normal metric (yosano: please please please please please please please please please please) but kouyou is Tipsy and Charmed

dazai does indeed burn the marriage certificate (TRY RETURNING ME WITHOUT A RECEIPT, CHIBI!!). chuuya is so in love he starts crying again

higuchi and tanizaki had philosophical discussions about life on the rooftop and accidentally solved the secrets of the universe. they do not remember this

kunikida returns from his steamy rendezvous with the photographer and immediately sets his sights on ango. drunk kunikida knows what he wants (twinkish men) and when he wants them (now). there is a reason one of the most important ideals in his notebook is to Not Drink

the guild is there and are generally having a good time until fitzgerald sees tsujimura (only there as ango's plus-one, got abandoned bc of drunk kunikida's machinations) and calls her a blue-haired liberal, and hey, what's a party without a brawl in the middle of the dance floor

between the guild and the wedding staff half the people at the party weren't even invited. which is why the doa and hunting dogs are also there

kenji, kyouka, q, elise, and aya are having a Kids' Party in a separate room with adam as an extremely enthusiastic babysitter (well, more like occasional check-in-er, he's swinging back and forth between the parties). tecchou joins them after a while and has a great time, as all except aya are extremely fascinated by his unholy food combinations

bram and lovecraft kickstart their enemies-to-lovers arc the second they set eyes on each other

fyodor, dazai, kajii, and nikolai start up a game of Knife Monopoly, to everyone's surprise the extremely determined caterer sweeps them all. sigma is smitten at once and immediately starts to flirt with her (the caterer is a milf who is seduced by sigma's transgender rizz, sigma will eventually have an entire 'convincing the stepkids' family movie arc)

teruko FUCKS IT UP on the dance floor, haruno is so impressed she immediately falls into her first disastrous sapphic crush

hirotsu and natsume mutually agree to restart their homoerotic situationship without ever even actually saying two words to each other, someone has to take skk's place now that they've more or less gotten their shit together

katai wasn't there physically but was supervising through security cameras. he's the only one who will ever know everything that happened that night and deleted the footage due to trauma :( sorry katai

tsujimura and mushitarou bond over how desperately they Do Not Want To Be There

skk Try to have a romantic wedding night(/morning, given how long the afterparty stretched) but they are both too drunk, chuuya trips and falls flat on his face and dazai laughs so hard he throws up

omg i started yapping and then i just didn't stop. i didn't even know i had this many thoughts in my head. i am sending this before i can regret it feel free to delete if u want to

anon. THESE ARE SO GOOD OMG???? i could literally visualize a whole fic just by reading these hcs

adding my comments under the cut so it doesn’t get too long 🫣

ok first of all… the skk crying hcs??? CANON OMG im so obsessed

Ranpo turning skk’s wedding into his engagement party is so true of him. he absolutely would

Dazai totally would insist on a bouquet to toss, & him throwing it at to Akutagawa is so funny 😭

SOMEONE SAVE ANGO PLS-

KENJI’S COW IM SOBBING it reminds me of that wan episode where Atsushi asks Dazai what Yosano needed & he was like “… a cow!” boba eyes & everything

i had never thought of Adam & Kyouka being buddies but my life is changed now tysm for this revelation

NOT GIN BEING SCARRED BY ZENKU SKK 💀 someone get my girl outta there

ok but tipsy + charmed Kouyou is a vision

Chuuya tells Dazai that burning the marriage certificate means they’re not married anymore & that’s when Dazai finally breaks down into tears

ok Higuchi & Tanizaki is another duo i never considered and i LOVE IT???

KUNIANGO SO TRUE

TSUJIMURA A BLUE HAIRED LIBERAL I AM SCREAMING

omg i love the kids party & skk are both good with kids so they definitely would make sure the kids are taken care of 🥹 Adam would be such a good babysitter, and Tetchou too??? omg giving me fic ideas with this one

super invested in this caterer x Sigma arc tbh

ykw i was thinking abt bsd rarepairs the other day & couldn’t figure out who to ship Teruko or Haruno with… should’ve thought of this honestly

SOMEONE SAVE KATAI TOO OMG THAT POOR MAN-

now that you mention it… i actually love the idea of Tsujimura & Mushitaro but i think it’s mostly bc her hair matches his suit PFFT

skk’s ideal honeymoon = SLEEP 😫

i’m so glad you didn’t stop yapping non, this was so wonderful tysm i feel blessed 🥹🩷 please feel free to yell abt hcs or say hi anytime!! 🫶🏻💕💕

#asks 💌#this absolutely made my day uwah 😭💕 tysm nonnie #100% gonna be thinking about these for the next few days. this was so soft & wholesome i feel healed <333 #wedding anon #<-if you’d like a different tag pls let me know <333 #bsd #skk #skk headcanons

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cowchickenbeefpork · 4 months

Text

look I’m not going to argue that Edward truly loved Kristen for who she was genuinely ( he didn’t ) but seeing him as someone who got over her death and it barely affected him is kinda a reading I can’t agree with at all

I know what scene started this reading it was the whole “actually I do enjoy hurting people this is my true self and I greatly thank Kristen for making me reach my potential” but that realization came from when he cut her up, no? When you go back to THAT SCENE he describes how the light vanishing from her eyes was beautiful. This means two things, one, he had to first known he was hurting her, and two he was enjoying that fact

WHEN YOU GO BACK TO THE SCENE WHERE HE KILLED HER THERES NO TRACE OF THIS IN THE ACTING THERE!!!!! He’s not even angry he’s more so desperate to explain himself, he even smiles as he tells her he loves her and would NEVER HURT HER! And when he realized he killed her he sobbed himself to the point of blacking out. Even if you brush off the fact riddler is very poorly written and just make it be ed the fact he blacked out and went out fucking around with her corpse while not remembering any of it and only hours later regained consciousness and now having to search around the gcpd to find her. Genuinely why should I believe a man, who consistently convinces himself he’s actually super smart and has no emotions is telling ME the truth here about his own feelings when I as the viewer have just witnessed things that contradict this!!!!

Also the show contradicts that whole motive like two episodes later!!!!!!!!!! When Oswald tried to kill Ed for saying his mother made him weak Edward discusses Kristen’s death and says love wasn’t meant for men like them and that it will always weaken them. Notice how different of a explaination that is to the one in the woods? The one in the woods basically says it was his true self leaking out and he actually had some awareness of what he was doing and he enjoyed every second of it and he feels no remorse. The one during this scene says that it was unavoidable, an accident, but actually him brushing over his feelings and forcing himself to not think about it or ever attempt to love again is the correct awnser. Doesn’t the second answer flow better with the actual death? It aligns exactly with both his narcissism making him unable to admit he was in the wrong and also unable to let him grieve since it would go against the idea he has of himself in his head and aligns with the fact it was a ACCIDENT WHERE HE DIDNT EVEN INTEND TO HURT HER AT ALL!!!

I can’t blame people for taking the whole actually I enjoyed it reasoning as the true one since Gotham is very very badly written but the reasoning he gave to Oswald works better for his character and for the event itself! The whole point of that death was you can hurt people without even trying to and not be able to see that ur acting like the people who have hurt them before it’s too late and that’s!!!! Powerful but Gotham just had to make Edward secretly evil and sadicist this whole time which takes away from that message. The first time he finally realizes Kristen was a person who existed outside of what he thought of and was capable of thinking and acting outside of his image of her was when she died, and he pushed her back into a fucking box, a fucking role she played to further him in his life because the mere horror of his actions were too hard to bare, he had to convince himself this would always happen and it was either of their flaunts to keep his ego intact.

not to mention how the whole denying he needs love in his life kinda relates heavily back to his npd too. Since he couldn’t get what he wants he feels terrible and then convinces himself that actually WHAT HE WANTED was the inadequate thing instead of him, so he doesn’t have to mourn the fact that he couldn’t have it. It’s projection in a way, he projects his inner wants and desires that he hates to others so he can mock them and feel better. He is telling himself he doesn’t need connection to others, that he can provide for himself and will never need or depend on anyone ever in his life again which is contradicted again and again in the show. He can’t stop needing people to like him, affirm him or to depend on them. That is the ultimate paradox with npd, narcissism in itself locks someone into a state of both being completely independent and not needing or caring for others while completely needing and depending on their praise so you can keep your self esteem intact

i think why I’m kinda quite against this reading of Edward as someone who intensely enjoys hurting others in his nature and is completely logical and almost unemotional in his action is because it kinda just falls into his lie he folds himself and others, it’s believing in the narcissist fantasy he has convinced himself and others around him to be true, he will never be that, no matter how hard he tries he will never be smart enough and unemotional enough for himself, he will chase proving that fantasy until he dies if he keeps doing this, taking anyone who comes in his way down with him

you can read Gotham Ed however you want idc I’m not ur mom and I’m not mad I just really wanted to explain myself since last time I tried to it was horrid and nonsensical I should’ve been executed on the spot. You can read Edward however you like I’m not thought police I just really needed to say my peace here

#gotham #edward nygma #rambles #character study #gotham fox #gotham 2014 #do not take this post as a actually Kristen was the one who did something wrong I literally make her cheat on this fucker in my rewrite #I just don’t like people making Edward clearly evil here it’s quite clear in the show he’s kinda intended to have psychosis in a way #hes not mentally stable and logical with his actions is what I’m saying here DO NOT BELIEVE HIS LIES!!!!#this post is also a sneak geek out about npd since I find it really really interesting it’s a personal hell someone puts themselves in #and they often aren’t even aware they suffer and burn in it #I have a lot of appreciation for self aware narcissists who are trying to get better it’s a hard disorder to live with #NURSE HES OUT AGAIN

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b0d1ly-st3w · 2 years

Text

have my postal 1 dude headcanons because hes so meeeeee

tw for mentions of self harm

• hed just barely turned 20 by the time postal 1 happened

• a bit of a mallgoth, really loved nine inch nails and marilyn manson

• had a really bad self harm addiction back in highschool, he was 2 years clean by postal 1

• actually felt so bad for everything hed done, cant even hear fake gunshots without wanting to throw up

• i believe that the demon was responsible for his breakdown, it convinced him that everyone was poisoned and that he was the only one that could save them

• schizophrenic, has hurt himself before because voices convinced him to do so

• shy and selectively mute

• other postal dudes treat him like a kid because of his age (postal 4 dude is his parental figure)

• asshole dad who was never around

• smokes like a chimney, anytime anyone sees him he always seems to have a cigarette in his hand

• great with kids, thats why he couldnt bring himself to hurt them

• the funeral ending was a hallucination (ik thats redux but they are practically the same leave me alone)

• the most traumatised postal dude

• would probs be a mitski stan

• autistic, bites the other postal dudes

• loves cats

• bisexual and in denial (has a fat crush on every single member of nin)

• just starts screaming randomly, but not in a funny way like a genuine terror way

• stares at people with his autism eyes

• wears his sunglasses everywhere

• lives off cheese and vodka (hes like an alcoholic mouse)

• absolutely loves horror movies, gets postal 4 dude to watch them with him

• scared of corkscrew, but corkscrew really likes him and feels the need to protect him

• suffered from anorexia at a young age, sometimes has days where he literally cant eat anything without crying

• people pleaser, changes his entire personality to make people happy

• loves wool sweaters, practically lives in them

• always cold

• drinks to forget

• gets randomly angry for no apparent reason, will start punching the shit out of people and screaming

• against the big light prefers lamps

• will just sit in the corner and listen while people talk

• loves pepperoni pizza

• still has braces

• probably loves hello kitty but will never admit it

• shoplifts literally anytime he goes into a store, steals things for other postal dudes

• would violently sob to real men by mitski

• bullys postal 4 dudes music but actually likes it (can you tell i love the idea of them being friends?)

i added more because ive got so many headcanons for this emo loser <3

• really picky with what he can eat, will spit anything out he doesnt like

• his family where heavily religious, thats why he wears a cross

• can fall asleep literally anywhere

• defos a stoner

• practically lived at korn concerts

• likes hugs but also despises being touched

• corkscrew carries him about everywhere, gives him piggybacks all the time

• either completely stone cold or really giggly and happy, there is no in between

• uses :⁠-⁠) :⁠-⁠P :⁠-⁠O :⁠-⁠( when texting

• probably likes cannibal corpse

• chop suey! by system of a down is his anthem

• spins around in circles to stim, postal 2 guy joins in because funni

• steals peoples jackets

• would be absolutely cracked at hatsune miku project diva

• has a hyperfixation on music and plays bass

• i think he would be really soft spoken most the time

• when hes drunk hes absolutely mayhem, runs around and throws cushions at people

• tried to give himself a stick and poke and got mad when it didnt look good

• if postal 1 was set in the early 2000s i think hed be an emo

• goes nonverbal often, hardly ever speaks

• claustrophobic, will start crying if he feels trapped

• hates parades (unless its a pride one #ally)

• (⁠●⁠_⁠_⁠●⁠) stares at people like this

• tooth gap<3333

• hates wearing bandages around his arms because theyre itchy and uncomfortable

• probably had an entire bag of bandaids on standby

• ik he canonically has sorta short hair but i like to think its really long

• wanted a mohawk

• wears eyeliner but will deny it even though its so obvious

• he did have a girlfriend at one point but she left him because he was strange (autism making him bitchless💀)

• ik this makes no sense but i think it would be funny af if he was scottish, like all the other postal dudes expect him to sound like them but then he starts speaking in the heaviest scottish accent imaginable (and before you say im only saying that because hes ginger im scottish so im actually projecting get it right)

• gave himself so many piercings but half of them closed up

• likes flavoured tea, his fav is peppermint

• would probably have a crush on tyler durden

• not really a hc but imagine him falling asleep on the sofa and postal 4 dude covering him with a nice fluffy blanket and giving him a little kiss on the forehead like dads in movies 😭😭😭

• wanted to be a musician growing up

• would watch the entire saw franchise in one sitting

• postal 4 dude always checks his arms and makes sure hes eaten, but he doesnt get upset with him if he does relapse or doesnt eat because he knows hes trying

• everyone tells him all their drama because they know he wont tell anyone (he knows everything)

• no one is willing to argue with him because he will either start crying or attack them

• probably bipolar

• signed postal 2 guys petition

• probably rabid/j

• really good at art

• scared of seagulls

• hes really lanky and tall

• (⁠;⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠) default facial expression

• red is his favourite colour

• hes an anti-shaggin moment/ref

• will just lay on top of people with absolutely no care whatsoever

• really bad at helping others, hed probably awkwardly giggle at someone crying

• he likes stuffed animals, has a whole collection of them because he was never allowed them when he was a kid

• if you asked him his pronouns hed probably bite you (he doesnt understand)

• if demon ever got a physical form all the dudes (excluding 1) would team up and beat its ass

�� demon still appears sometimes and even tells 1 what to do, but he does his best not to listen

TW!! SLIGHT DESCRIPTION OF S/H

• one time postal 3 dude was just going downstairs to get some water and found 1 on the floor sobbing, hed had an episode and sliced his arm pretty bad, 3 did his best to help and swore he wouldnt tell 4 but he found out anyways

• hates chocolate cake with every fibre of his being

• paints his nails all the time, comes downstairs every day with a new colour

• one of the dudes got him a copy of pretty hate machine on cd for christmas and it was his most favourite thing for months

• loves little insects, willingly picks them up

• collects so much random shit its insane

i got more

• can never sit in pure silence because there always seems to be noise, but really its all in his head (this is based on some of the tracks from the redux soundtrack as obviously some of them are just unintelligible noise)

• picks at his skin alot

• used to skip school alot, but always did well in tests and exams

• cant swim

• actually really loved school

• salt and vinegar crisps man

• actually tried to quit smoking but failed horribly

• uses internet slang and postal 4 guy has absolutely no fucking clue what hes on about

thats all i got

#postal #postal 1 #postal dude #headcanons #tw self destructive behavior

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cricket-reader · 2 years

Text

I’ve Got a Secret I

Masterlist | A03 | Wattpad | Recommendations | Inbox

Paring: James Buchanan Barnes x OFC (Miranda)

Summary: A fight brings both of them to go separate ways. That is, until Natasha clears the air.

(Warnings have spoilers)

Warnings: Language, Past Abuse, PTSD, Pregnancy, Infidelity?, SA, Angst, Fluff, Pet Names (doll, baby, sweetheart), Miscommunication, Past (Forced) Abortions, Past Kidnapping, Brief Mention of Self-Harm, Alcohol, Unhealthy Coping Mechanism?, Tears—Lots of Them

Read part 2 here

Word Count: 2,471

“What’s on your mind, doll?” Bucky questions, seeing his girlfriend on the brink of tears.

“I-I just- I can’t,” she sobs. The sound makes his heart clench.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want you to leave me,” she mumbles, hiding her face with her hands.

“Hey, woah, woah, woah, I’m not leaving you, doll. What makes you think that?”

“Nat said–she said I should tell you, but I- I can’t. You’ll-“ she cuts herself off, crying.

“Hey, you’re not making any sense, you can tell me anything, sweetheart. You know that,” he coos, trying to gently reassure her without getting in her personal space. He knows when she’s upset like this that she doesn’t like physical affection.

“No, I can’t. You-you’re gonna make me–I don’t wanna. Not again–not again—please not again–“

“You’re not making any sense, Miranda,” he frantically informs her, wanting to do anything to make her happy again.

“Your gonna make me–“ she sniffles.

“Hey, sweetheart, I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to, okay? I promise”

She turns away from him. “But- you’ll- you’re gonna hate me.”

“I could never hate you, Andie.” It’s the truth. She could run him over with a semi and he’d thank her. Sam always made fun of him because he was so “whipped” and was such a “simp”—whatever that means.

“No, don’t say that,” she bites out, angry for an unknown reason.

“What’s going on? You’re scaring me. I promise I’m with ya till the end of the line, remember?”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” she protectively crosses her arms around her torso.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” Bucky questions, looking genuinely hurt at even the idea that he would be able to leave such a perfect girl.

“You’re gonna leave me—or- or force me to… I won’t let you!”

“Woah, hey, we’ve been over this, Andie. I’ll never force you to do anything, yeah?”

“Then you’ll leave me because- because….”

“Because of what,” he pauses, waiting for her to respond. She is shaking, trembling for reasons unknown, and all he wants to do is fix it.

After not receiving an answer he pleadingly calls out, “baby?”

Her eyes grow wide in terror and she backs up. “No. No!” How does he know? He can’t possibly know. He’s going to-

“What? What’s wrong? Did I do something? I’m sorry, Andie. I-I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Don’t make me… please!”

His heart breaks, seeing the pleading puppy dog eyes his girl is giving him. What he would do to get rid of all her fears.

“Just tell me, I need to know.”

“I’m pregnant,” she whispers, curling in on herself as if preparing for a blow.

Bucky’s heart stops and he staggers back. His mind is reeling as he looks her body over.

Impossible.

They’ve never had sex. Hell, she wouldn’t even sleep in the same room as him. How did she—no. No. He doesn’t want to know. Tears form in his eyes with the assumption that he is the problem. She’s probably too scared of him to let him—to let them—to…

He can’t even think of it. Does she think he’d be rough and not take her needs into consideration? Does she think he would hurt her? Is she scared of him?

No doubt she’s scared of him. Just seeing the way she cowers away from him tells him everything he needs. His heart shatters as he moves away from her. He needs to give her space. She doesn’t want him around.

She looks up through her hair as he walks away. She knew it. He’s going to leave her. He has every right. He must be disgusted with her. She’s horrible.

No more cuddles on movie nights, no more soft kisses on her hairline, no more late night adventures. But most importantly, no more Bucky.

She cries. Full on sobbing at the supposed loss of her lover.

“How far along?” He all but whispers out.

She sniffs back more tears, “a month.”

Upon hearing this, his heart nearly dissolves into nothingness. How could he have been so dumb? Of course she found another to satisfy her needs. She never let him do anything, and of course he respected her boundaries. Was she really that scared of him? That she would reach out to another just to get her fix? It hurt worse than any pain he can ever remember.

“How long have you been having affairs?” He couldn’t help but ask. He wanted to know how long she was seeing someone else.

“I-it was only that one time… I had hoped-“

“Yeah? Well, clearly your hope meant nothing!”

More tears welled up in her eyes and she had to fight the urge to hurt herself right then and there because she knew that he’d hate to see—no wait. Maybe now that the secret is out he wouldn’t care. Maybe he’d even enjoy watching her slit her own wrists. She surely deserves it.

“What- why?” He defeatedly asks.

She bites her trembling lip. Her hands shake as she fiddles with them. Trying to keep the tears at bay, she doesn’t dare look at him. She can’t. She knows she’ll be greeted with his heartbroken expression or one filled with hatred—she isn’t sure she can handle either of those right now.

“I-well I… I tried, I tried really hard,” she starts off, unable to bring herself to talk about it. It was hard enough to talk to Nat about it, but her boyfriend? That just couldn’t happen.

Bucky scoffs. She tried? Tried what? Tried to keep it in her pants or some shit? He doesn’t want her damn excuses. He’s done. “Clearly you didn’t try hard enough,” he spits out before grabbing his leather jacket and leaving.

She flinches as the door slams shut. Once he’s gone, she lets herself cry out all the tears she has. Her Bucky is gone. He is no longer her’s and she is no longer his. They’re done. Forever.

Bucky shoots back another shot of the first thing he found in stark’s liquor supply. He might as well just drink from the damn bottle.

He hardly even notices Natasha slink over to join him. He’s too concentrated on the fact that his “loving” girlfriend cheated on him. Nothing can ever fucking go right. If he ever has something nice, it gets torn away from him.

“I’m guessing she told you?” Natasha questions, pouring herself some of Stark’s expensive tequila.

“Yeah,” Bucky grumbles, before grabbing a larger glass to fill.

“I’m surprised you’re not on your way to murder someone right now.”

Bucky glares at her, “you know I would never hurt her. And if she has some secret lover, she can have him. He’ll be able to treat her better anyway…”

Natasha furrows her brows. “What are you talking about?”

“How long did you know?”

“I knew since the day it happened.”

“And you didn’t think to fucking tell me?”

“It wasn’t my place,” she says cooly.

“So, what, you’re just choosing favourites? You should have told me she cheated on me!”

“What?” Natasha splutters, choking a bit on her mixed drink.

“I thought she told you the story.” Bucky finishes off the large glass of alcohol and starts pouring another. “She got knocked up with someone else’s child. She was too scared to do it with me.”

Natasha processes the information with her lips pursed and eyebrows drawn tight together.

“So, she didn’t tell you?”

“She told me all there is that I need to know,” he huffs, starting on his second large glass.

“So, you know that she was raped?”

Bucky chokes on the drink, disbelief coursing through his veins.

“She–what? No, she- wait what?”

“She was brutally raped, Barnes. By multiple men. Just like she had been as a teenager.”

An indescribable anger courses it’s way through his body like a wildfire. The flames flicker in every part of his body.

Regret instantly washes away the rage, leaving him practically gasping for air—as if the smoke from the burned out fire had infiltrated his senses.

Natasha places a hand on his shoulder to ground him back to the situation at hand. It works—just barely.

Her other hand is hacking into FRIDAY’s security system to view what exactly was said.

She analyses every bit of it. It breaks her heart, having a completely different and deeper understanding than Barnes had.

“Go to her tomorrow. You can fix it.”

“No,” Bucky protests, “I’m going to fix it right now!”

“Barnes, you will stay put.”

“You can’t expect me to let my girl suffer alone!”

“She will have me,” Natasha replies soothingly.

“No! I need to be there for her! I need to hold her and apologise until my throat gives out! God, she’ll never forgive me for this.”

Natasha takes his hands—that were frantically tugging through his hair—and tries to soothe her friend.

“You can’t, Bucky. You can’t see her like this.”

“Why not?” He questions, his voice broken beyond belief. Does Natasha really think he will hurt his girl? Maybe he still is a monster to everyone around him. He’s tried so hard to make up for his misdeeds; clearly nothing can redeem him. He is a monster. He always will be.

“Your breath smells like alcohol.”

Bucky blinks, not understanding her words. He doesn’t understand that Natasha knows fully well that he’d rather be tortured by HYDRA than ever hurt his girlfriend. He doesn’t understand that it’s not about him being emotional.

“Bucky, sit down. I need to tell you a few things about Andie. I never said anything because it wasn’t my place, but some of these things you really need to know, okay?”

Bucky nods, not able to bring himself to speak.

“She was abused as a teenager. Really bad—I know you already know that, but you don’t know the details.”

Natasha sighs before taking a sip of her drink. “Her captor used her for sex mostly. Though, he’d make her do chores and beat her every once and a while.”

The mere thought makes his stomach churn. His jaw clenches and tears form in his eyes.

“Whenever she would get pregnant, he would beat her. He would beat her, so that she would have a miscarriage because he didn’t want to deal with a baby. He liked it. That’s why he didn’t use any preventative measures. He liked seeing her sob over an unborn child that he gave to her.”

Nauseated, Bucky grips onto the chair. He can’t cry in front of Natasha. He just can’t. Natasha doesn’t even have the heart to tell him he’s breaking the chair.

“That’s–oh god… she… she thought I-“ Bucky full on sobs as he comes to the realisation. His girl thought he was going to beat her until she lost the child. She thought he would hurt her for being raped. How could things have gone this wrong?

She thought he was going to force her to get rid of the child. That’s why she had been so hesitant to tell him. Because she was looking after the baby’s safety.

After having his heart shattered into a billion tiny pieces, he downs the rest of his drink. Unfortunately, it had no effect on him. He no longer could drown out his sorrows and grief. Nothing worked. Not unless Thor was around for a visit—which he wasn’t.

Bucky waited up all night. He couldn’t sleep. Not with her on his mind. He knew she had Natasha, but he couldn’t help but worry. What if something happens? What if something goes wrong? What if he loses her for good?

After thinking it over a million times and breaking his own heart more times than imaginable, the sun finally comes up. He still can’t come in and wake her, but the time is closer than it had been all night.

What will he say? What can he say to make her forgive him? What can he say to bring her back to his stupid ass?

Natasha walks into the kitchen with a knowing look on her face, “go get your girl back, Barnes.”

Bucky gulps as he nods, seeing the threatening glare behind her uncaring façade.

“Andie?” Bucky calls out, cautiously as if any sudden noise would shatter her. He hears a muffled voice tell him to come in, so he does. Being as gentle as possible he lightly steps into her room. He can see the dark circles under her eyes even with the distance.

He scuffs his foot against the floor as he apologises, “I’m sorry, doll. God, I’m-I’m so so sorry. I just-I wish I could take it all b-back. I was unfair and-“

“You shouldn’t be the one apologising, Buck. I should’ve tried harder,” Andie mumbles, fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

Her words are like a punch to his gut. That’s the last thing he said to her before leaving last night. The words have a whole new meaning now.

“No, no, don’t say that, please… I’m-I didn’t know… you-you have no reason to apologise. It’s not your fault.”

She shakes her head, clenching her eyes tightly. He watches the water spill from her eyes and wishes that he could just go up and wipe all her tears away.

“You were right-“

“Don’t say that, I was an idiot,” Bucky interrupts. Andie opens her mouth to protest, but decides against it.

“You know… if you came here to make me change my mind you can leave,” Andie says, interrupting the pause of silence.

“Change your mind?”

She huffs at his clueless expression, not sure if he’s being serious. “I’m keeping the baby, and you can’t take that away from me. No one can.”

Had the circumstances been different, he would’ve smiled at the determination on her face and in her tone. Her arms had instinctively wrapped around her stomach, trying to hold onto this one as long as she can.

“I would never make you get rid of it, sweetheart. We can raise it together,” he pauses, panic flickering in his eyes, “that is, if you want to, of course…”

Andie’s heart melts at his shy offer. It’s times like this when she’s reminded just how sweet and precious her boyfriend is. She doesn’t deserve such a kind man. But she will cherish him as long as he lets her.

“Of course, Sargent. I’m with you till the end of the line,” she gives him a small half-smirk.

Butterflies erupt in Bucky’s stomach and a light dusting of pink warms his face. He can’t believe he got such a perfect girlfriend. He never has and never will deserve such an incredible woman. But he will cherish her as long as she lets him.

Part 2 ->

#avengers fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #mcu fanfiction #mcu fic #avengers angst #avengers fluff #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #domestic avengers #past whump #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky angst #james bucky buchanan barnes #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #avengers

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squarebracketsmileyface · 4 months

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slides this across the table at you.

https://spotify.link/A8297l92PJb

the pull that jay and alex have on each other, constantly going back and forth and swearing to never 'dance' again *wink wonk* but always getting drawn back to each other. they know each other so well. they know how to rile each other up they know how to press each others buttons jay knows EXACTLY what hes doing when he locks those keys in his car. the fucking BRIDGE is so much the way they keep clashing dragging each other through hell and then still going back. i have FEELINGS

song: Devil On My Shoulder by Kelsy Karter & The Heroines

You're so rightttttttttttttttttt, honestly literally every lyric in this song is perfect for them. Like, this song is just about them. It was written specifically about my versions of these characters that are probably relatively obscure outside of the fandom. Yup. Definitely. It's definitely a "both of them" song tho, like, the lyrics kinda work really well no matter what side you look at them from. Tho I guess some of them work better for Jay than they do for Alex, or better for Alex than for Jay, but still. its so good for themmmmmmm

Some specific lyrics I really like for them, tho:

"Close my eyes, I'm seeing red, Spinning dizzy, on the edge"

Jay when he gets angry at Alex :]

Honestly though "spinning dizzy on the edge" kinda does describe how Jay is when he's really super fucking angry really well. Like, he's standing on the edge of a cliff and just spinning round and round and round until he can't tell which way the cliff is, and then he just has to take a step and find out if he falls off the cliff and gets even angrier, or if he trips over in the grass on the top of the cliff and does something other than getting even angrier. Whether that's sobbing his eyes out or whatever.

"Arms surround me like a cavern, Walls are bending, closing in"

Okay but... that one moment in chapter 2 of Sorry, It's Locked? Where Alex has Jay up against the wall and Jay's just there like "oh my god he's going to kill me oh my god oh my god"

AND, Alex in chapter 2 of If It Ain't Broken, feeling unable to tell Jay to fuck off and ending up in a scene he doesn't really wanna do, because Jay pisses him off so much that he feels the need to kinda put him in his place, even though he doesn't really want to, and that's exactly what Jay's aiming for because he thinks it'll help Alex feel better. Because usually that's the kinda thing they do when Alex has a bad day, and it usually does help.

"Breathing deeply, feel your heart, Beats like Heaven in the dark"

This one's just both Jay and Alex sleeping together (in the literal sense) after Chapter 1 of S,IL. Tho Jay is still a bit freaked out by the fact that Alex is letting him stay over, and by the fact that Alex called him soft petnames and kissed him without it being a tool used to start another round or anything. But like, even tho that whole fic really is from Jay's pov, we do see Alex reaching out for Jay when they're settling down to sleep, like, he wants to hold Jay close and that's not a manipulative thing from Alex. He genuinely wants to cuddle Jay because he's realised he fucked up and he's going to have to try and get rid of Jay the next morning, so he wants to make the most of what he has for that night.

For both of them really (though Jay is also kinda scared by it) just being able to cuddle, to breathe deeply together and feel each others heartbeats in the dark would be something they both desperately want. It's just that for whatever individual reason they either deny themselves it entirely (at least while they're awake) or know that it can't ever last as long as they want it to and stuff like that.

"I swore I'd never dance with you again, Keep safe from the devil on my shoulder, But you know me so well, And you drag me to Hell"

"Every time I think I'm free, you're calling me, Your love pulling me right back down, Can't believe that I keep coming back, But you make me feel so good"

Both these lines are kinda similar so i'm putting them together even tho one is from the start of the song and the other is from nearer the end lol.

But like, yeah, you're so right. They both know how to rile each other up, which buttons to press to get the reactions they want out of each other. Jay 100% knew what he was doing with the keys, he knew that'd work, even if he wasn't totally thinking straight because of the adrenaline going through him. He knew that was the kinda thing he would have done in uni to piss Alex off enough that he'd push him against a wall or whatever. Obviously there was the stress of "oh god what if it doesn't work this time and he just punches my teeth in" but thankfully (thankfully? is it a good thing lmao?) that doesn't happen and Alex does react like he would have back in uni if Jay pulled a stupid, annoying stunt like that.

ALSO "every time i think I'm free, you're calling me, your love pulling me right back down" just made me think that after chapter 6 when Alex is gonna call quits on their whole FWB thing, Jay probably wouldn't just sit down and take that. like, he wouldn't be able to cope with that, with losing Alex, so chances are that for a while he'd try and keep in touch, try and apologise and get Alex to "take him back" in a way (even tho they're not dating but you know, Jay wants them to be blah blah blah)

but like. Alex would probably wanna go back. Like, i feel like after the initial impulsive "Okay fuck you fuck this we're done, i never wanna see you again" he'd actually struggle to stand firm on his decision, especially since i'm planning on having it be a fairly spur of the moment decision. It's the right decision don't get me wrong, but Alex hasn't thought about it beforehand, he just does it. so like, yeah, I think he'd really struggle to like, ignore Jay's calls and messages, and he'd feel really guilty for "dumping" jay because Jay really does sound distraught and like he means it when he says he's sorry and can they just talk about it so he can change for the better. And like, Jay is distraught and he does mean what he's saying, but I think Alex would still be in the right for saying no to it all and not taking him back.

Like, yes they are both in the wrong multiple times throughout their relationship, and even if both of them resolve to change, i don't think they'd be able to actually do that and change enough if they were still together in any way. They are better off without each other, i guess? Like, it's that kinda "right person wrong time" thing? Like, if they both lived long enough i do feel like they'd be able to heal and change and get better away from each other and then try again, like Alex said in chapter 2 of S,IL, they would be able to try again and to "do it right" that time. But i think they'd need that time apart to try and get better away from each other before they tried to get better together? if that makes sense?

#song song song songggggg :D #you always have such good song suggestions dude omg #song asks #marble hornets #jay merrick #alex kralie #jaylex #marble hornets fanfic #mh sorry its locked

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anneapocalypse · 2 years

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@fivekoboldsinacoat replied to your post “In theory there's always room for more choices and...”:

i am very intrigued what the choice and scene in question were, did u talk about it anywhere?

I don't think I have posted about it, actually!

(Warning, this will involve discussion of fictional child death.)

It was my "Noble Hearts" world state, the one I most recently completed, and I was playing an Aeducan. She went to the Circle before Redcliffe, and knowing little about magic or mages in practice, and looking to the templars as an authority, she believed the Knight-Commander when he said it was too dangerous to hope that any of the mages might live. Once inside the tower, she made the mistake of revealing Morrigan as an apostate, which if you do that, Wynne attacks you and you have to kill her! So she had no Wynne to sway her toward saving the mages, and she helped to annul the Circle.

Then she went to Redcliffe. And if the Circle has been annulled, there is no "third option" to save both Connor and Isolde. One of them has to die.

Brenna Aeducan was also romancing Alistair, incidentally, and he was obviously very opposed to the idea of a blood magic ritual.

So she chose what she saw as the only viable option: to kill Connor.

Isolde Guerrin is something of a joke character in the fandom and for kind of understandable reasons. I too have done my impression of the "Who ees thees wooman, Teagan?" line plenty of times.

But I have never felt so compelled by Isolde as a character as when I had to listen to her sobbing and begging for her son's life. Her voice actor gives it 150% and it is absolutely gutwrenching. And if you stand your ground, when she's finally convinced that there's no other option but to kill Connor, she insists on doing it herself.

I actually had to get up and walk away from my computer for a minute after that quest, because it was genuinely upsetting.

It made me feel a lot of things about Isolde, how despite every mistake she made, she really deeply loved her son. And I can still poke fun at a funny line, but not so much at the core of her character anymore, if that makes sense. It just really took her to another level for me.

Incidentally, Alistair also gets pretty upset with the Warden afterward if Connor is killed (and I assume it's similar for Isolde). He's actually another character that I like even more for playing through scenarios where he gets upset or angry. (Another favorite is conscripting Loghain--he is PISSED.) His VA also knocks it out of the park. When you have a positive relationship with Alistair he's very sweet and charming, but I also like getting to see his range as a character, because he has a lot of it.

#isolde guerrin #connor guerrin #alistair theirin #dragon age origins #blunders of thedas #anne replies #fivekoboldsinacoat

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the-chronicles-of-a-bookworm · 2 years

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hi Hannah!! I'm slightly late but 🤷‍♀️

(for the nosy ask thing)

13, 14, 15, 16, 18 (only if you're comfy tho), 19, 20, 21, 22, 25, 26, 28, 44

(I'm a super nosy person so)

I noticed your nosiness last time I had a last game! My hands were so tired after typing 😭 im not complaining tho THIS IS SO FUNN

13: biggest turn ons Nice hands. A professional speaking voice. Perfect grammar. Someone who doesn't curse, whispering some curse word under their breath. Like "fuck" really quietly that almost no one would hear. Someone who can genuinely make me laugh. Stupid, witty banter (like percy and annabeth before and after they started dating). A nice smile. WOAH WOAH WOAH STOP HANNAH STOP

14: Biggest turn offs Inflated ego. Insulting people for just existing (like james did to snape) Dishonesty. LITTERING. Being rude. LITTERING. Being really shabby or unhygienic. Someone who makes a mess when eating. Someone who doesn't use cutlery in the appropriate situations (i mean, im indian. we practically invented eating with our hands, but I use cutlery when its appropriate okay? I don't attack my rice of something with my hands in formal situations.) Did I mention littering?

15: Favorite Movie (answered here) but I also want a malayalam movie "Ennum Ninde Moideen" ITS SO GOOD

16: I'll love you if... (tbh I already love you <3) BUT YOU SHOULD READ PERCY JACKSON IF YOU ALREADY HAVEN'T (idk if this counts as an answer tho *sobs*)

JUST A WARNING: THE FOLLOWING QUESTION HAS TRIGERRING STUFF LIKE RAPE, FAMILY STUFF, AND SHITTY FAMILY MEMBERS, SO DONT READ IF YOU'RE NOT COMFORTABLE This is the first time I've ever talked about this to anyone. I don't ever talk about stuff like this, but I think it's time I open up a little.

18: Traumatic Experience When I was 12, I noticed that my grandfather was being a little too touchy. Whenever he got the chance, he would find a way to touch me and make me uncomfortable. I thought this was normal for grandparents to do. I'd known him my whole life. I trusted him, loved him, told him everything. Until he started calling me into his bedroom. Started telling me to undress myself. Started telling me let him "check" my privates to see if there is any problem. For a while, I let him. I let him touch me. Why would he do anything to harm me? I always thought. It got a little too much. Too much that I started screaming for help. I thought, somebody, anybody would help me. Because I knew a grandparent wouldn't do this. I knew this was wrong. And once it all settled, and my parents sorted it out. I was guilty. I blamed myself. I kept thinking "How many time has your mother told you about people touching you. How many times?". And as I was sitting there, I could hear my mother literally wailing. She was screaming. My father and uncle knew about this as well. I had never seen them this angry before. The worst part? We could do fucking nothing. My grandfather was the only reason we could stay in our apartment. It was a hard time and we were struggling with money. My grandmother was facing depression. Her mental state so bad, that I knew she couldn't know about this. My grandfather got away, scotch free. Every time I see him, I think about telling my grandmother. The man she fusses over everyday is not who she thinks he is. But I couldn't. My aunt went into denial. She kept saying that her father wouldn't do such a thing. No one else knew. Whenever I see him, I go into a state where I feel ants all over my body. It goes after a while, but it always stays. (It's a lot to consume. But it felt good to let it all out)

19: A fact about your personality I can get angry easily, and once you've done that I can get so damn scary. My aunt told me that, after she saw me and my brother fight with eachother once, when he broke my laptop.

20: What I hate most about myself I'm ugly.

21: What I love about myself I'm actually pretty smart. It may sound really egoistical, hence why I don't like answering this question, but I know I'm smart. That's why I keep trying to achieve more, you know?

22: What I want to be when I grow older? Oncologist or gynecologist surgeon. Once I retire from actually working in the medical field, I'll be a professor for a medical school.

25: My idea of a perfect date Something at home. Maybe napping a little, eating takeout, watching a movie, listening to music. If we're going out, I want to go to some amusement park. or some 24/7 grocery store. Or McDonalds.

26: Biggest pet peeves Someone chewing with their mouth open. Scraping your plate WITH A METAL FORK. PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE STOP. Chewing gum loudly. Not covering their coughs and sneezes. "You act so gayyy" UGH SO ANNOYING I KNOW I ACT GAY OKAY?

28: A description of the people I hate most

44: A random fact DID YOU KNOW THAT A PIG CANNOT PHYSICALLY LOOK UP TO SEE THE SKY? DID YOU KNOW A SHRIMP'S HEART IS IN ITS HEAD? DID YOU KNOW SOME PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY REALLY STUPID SOMETIMES?

#thanks for the ask my love <3 #dont mind the passive aggresive answer for 44

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uh-velkommen · 11 months

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I'm losing it

I'm really frustrated being here and I feel like I really shouldn't be which makes the whole situation worse. I have been holed up in my room for months because without money, I genuinely can not go ANYWHERE. I've been waiting for my stupid student loan check to come in and it's like everything the universe can do to prevent it from getting to me is happening. I've gotten so tired and depressed with how uneventful this life is. The fact that I can't even put myself out there, experience new things, new foods, new people, because of this. Today was my absolute last straw. I realized the way I felt in my undergrad is not an escapable feeling. I feel just as trapped. Stuck. And when I feel this way, I start to catastrophize. Every thing sucks, I'm miserable, I can't bring myself to step outside, all of that, I start behaving like. But no matter what, I always try to create little wins. I do silly little things to spice up my life where I can and lately that this has been riding my bike.

I've been updating friends on another social every time I go out for a ride. I talk about how growing up I've always wanted my own bike and I never owned anything like that because I was poor and a girl. Even when I got gifts, it was make up or dolls when all I really wanted was to ride around with the neighborhood boys. I wanted to go to skate parks and do parkour but I was never allowed. I used to have this funny relationship with one neighborhood boy when we were like 12 because he was clearly gay and I was the only one who embraced his femineity where he'd otherwise receive bullying from everyone around him and likewise he indulged my masculine tendencies and let me ride his skateboard and play his video games. When I came to Sweden I made sure to exhaust what little funds I had on a bike so that I can commute places and have a reason to be active. It felt so great to, I went on these stupid adventures, I felt good about myself, whenever I was angry I'd bike out the aggression, I stopped thinking about hurting myself and started thinking about what different route I'd try on the way to school to shake things up, I'd have so much fun on this damn bike that I'd actively shout WEEEEE as I rode down hills and I cheered on days where I'd make it home and not be out of breath. I even made a video for a stupid linkedin post like "Bike with me to school!" That fucking bike was the only thing keeping me sane here and this morning, I got up extra early so I could ride to McDonalds and get a fun breakfast before class. When I got to the bike stands, it was gone. I spent the rest of the day absolutely sobbing, I mean I could feel the little girl inside of me just heartbroken. I'd be less fucking sad if this had happened in Philadelphia where it's expected. But here, I spent every day looking at everyone's bikes and laughing at how they fit their owners like dogs. It took me weeks to get over the fear of someone taking my bike. I kept telling myself that everyone has their own bike and mine is damn near garbage compared to everyone else's. And yet that morning, somebody had stolen my bike.

And now I'm really fucking miserable. Because they took away my only coping mechanism. My first genuinely fucking healthy coping mechanism. And it feels like a targeted attack. Last time I took it out someone broke the bell off of it. Now it's gone and I fucking hate it here. Sweden is actively trying to get me out like a ghost in an old estate. The only thing that was keeping me happy, the only thing that allowed me to leave my stuffy little room. I'm stuck again. Trapped in this stupid system. And it's not even Sweden that I hate, it's school. I keep thinking about how much I love being in this environment, speaking another language, not having to look over my shoulder all the time, eating healthy, nice people, beautiful scenery, the fashion, the stores, everything about being in this country is great. It's the stupid challenges I'm facing due to SCHOOL that's making this so stressful. I wanna quit. I just wanna get a job and live my life and I can't figure out if I still want that to happen here or if I should go back to the states.

#grad school #Scandi Saga #me

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tsukihimeyfan · 3 years

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We gotta Talk about Bruno (pt. 2)

Here's a link to part 1, if you hadn't already read it.

Now, back to business, let's keep listing all the ways Bruno is amazing!

Let's take a look at The Last Vision scene. There’s so much to love about it. If you want a more in-depth look at only that scene nael-opale made a whole post devoted to it, but here are the things that stood out to me:

1. The expression on his face when Antonio hands him his plush jaguar: he goes from surprised (seemingly at the fact that someone is showing him kindness??) to a smile so gentle and full of gratitude that it breaks my heart, (also he turns the jaguar to “face” him a little bit so he can look it in the eyes as he smiles? omg HELP-),

2. How he lets Mirabel place her hands on his instead of just grabbing them, and then closes his hands around hers so softly, gently, without gripping her too tight despite how anxious he obviously is about the whole thing (hnnng I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION)

3. Then there's this look of absolute despair he has when he thinks this is just another "unlucky", terrible vision like the one before, the strangled "I have to stop", the way he curls into himself and raises his hands towards his face as if to cover his eyes - (great, I made myself emotional... I need a minute)

4. Next, as the vision starts to take a turn for the better, he still mistakes an embrace for a fist fight (maybe because he hasn't had any physical affection in at least ten years) and Mirabel snaps at him a bit, and he gets this startled/sad look that just makes me wanna cover him with a blanket and cuddle him, the poor thing

And then when he realizes the true content of the vision he looks so excited about finally, for once, giving someone a happy vision, until he realizes Mirabel is angry and he looks so... defeated and resigned. I know they played it for laughs but it still breaks my heart when I think about it, because he went from this

to "yeah, this has happened a million times before in a million different ways, but the result is always the same... no matter what they say at the beginning, if the vision is not something they wanna see then they'll get angry at me. Every. Single. Time".

(and don't get me started on how he was probably super pumped about this one despite Mirabel's angry shout of Isabela's name moments before because he hasn't had a chance to hug his own sisters in over 10 years and he'd give anything to have a chance like that and so this must obviously be a happy thing for Mirabel too, I-)

And then there's that little scene after the vision where he tells Mira “YOU’RE EXACTLY WHAT THIS FAMILY NEEDS”, just BRUNO GOING OUT OF HIS WAY TO GIVE MIRABEL THE VALIDATION SHE’S ALWAYS NEEDED, from someone who is not her parents and therefore obligated to do it. And he does it so sincerely too, with such a tender look on his face (*sobs in Bruno-feels*)

Next let's take a moment to appreciate how after Casita comes down he gets a horse from god knows where to search for Mirabel, and when he finds her he CONFRONTS HIS MOTHER, DESPITE HIS PREVIOUSLY STATED FEAR OF HER, JUST TO PROTECT MIRABEL, AGAIN (and his grand entrance was FANTASTIC btw)

We're near the end of the movie, and I want to add a little bit of speculation about Bruno's relationship with his sisters here: looking at how they immediately accept him as soon as he returns, they probably never bore any genuine dislike or hatred of him. Maybe they let some of his reputation get to them, as I said before, but I don't believe they were antagonistic at all.

Pepa in particular probably used her anger about the Wedding Incident to ground herself after he left, to drown her grief over his absence and push it to the furthest recesses of her mind. I bet they did grow a bit distant after the wedding thing, yes, but it was never true anger until he disappeared. It’s probably another reason why his name is a taboo subject in Casa Madrigal – thinking about him just hurt too much.

On the topic of Pepa, I am 100% sure Bruno and Camilo got along like a house on fire after his return, much to Pepa's amusement, once Camilo got over his biases against his tio (they both have such strong Theater Kid energy after all)

And I’m convinced Pepa’s children are all huge fans of Bruno’s rat telenovelas (Antonio because rats, Camilo and Dolores because

D R A M A 😂)

As a bonus, let us end with Bruno just being Soft™, gentle and cute - a compilation:

a. That one time he slightly raises his voice against Mirabel and then immediately apologizes like he can't bear the sight of her startled face, like he can't stand the thought of her being frightened of him or hurt by him, pLEASE I CAN'T-

b. THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN MIRABEL PROMISES TO BRING HIM BACK HOME, IT'S JUST SO FULL OF HOPE IT'S MAKING ME TEAR-BEND

c. HE TOOK THE TIME TO SAVE HIS RATS EVEN WHEN THE HOUSE WAS COLLAPSING ALL AROUND HIM WTH

d. When his sisters and Agustin hug him after his return to Casita, he looks very awkward at first, probably because he hadn't interacted with an actual human being for 10 years and even before that he had been isolating himself, but then he looks so very happy in this moment look at himmm T^T (also Camilo, he's a smol king, 7-foot frame my ASS)

e. His excitement over helping with the spackle for Casita’s new foundation (I know you can just barely see it in the picture but he's smiling under that bucket, jesus)

f. When they hand her the doorknob to the new house he looks SO FULL OF PRIDE for Mirabel, JUST LOOK AT HIM HE’S LOVELY. And that whole "You're the real gift, kid" thing?? My hEART-

g. Also from this video, look at the 1:26 minute mark. I adore the way he steadies Mirabel like 3 times when Casita moves them all over for the family photo, like he's concerned only about her well-being and helping her keep her footing. Zero care about steadying himself :'(

In conclusion, Bruno Madrigal is an immeasurably kind, gentle individual who is capable of showing compassion even to the smallest, most disliked of creatures. He got a bad reputation because of a gift he cannot control and a quirky, introverted personality, and despite being subject to hatred and disdain from his community as well as the disappointment and pressure of his family he continued to do his best to improve all their lives and was willing to give up everything he had in order to protect one of his niblings, and presumably would have done the same for any one of them. He also can be quite spunky, and is capable of great acts of bravery, especially when protecting those he loves. And for all of those reasons, I would die for him. Protect him at all costs

If you want to read some fantastic Bruno-centric Encanto fics that explore his childhood and his relationship with his niblings, I recommend these two:

I'll brick by brick rebuild us (out of how's and why's not when's), by Acewithapaintbrush

We don't talk about Bruno, by Moonybird

Also please watch this Encanto animatic about Bruno and Pepa's relationship because it's beautiful and it crushed me emotionally

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk

#encanto #encanto spoilers #bruno madrigal #bruno my beloved #protect him at all costs #thyf rambles #encanto meta

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elysianslove · 4 years

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oh boy idk if you’ve ever talked about this before (i’m new to the blog, and you’re so very talented!!! you make my dumb horny heart just 🦋🦋) BUT what are your thoughts on which of the haikyuu boys are best/worst at being edged? like who’s begging and crying after 20 minutes and who’s able to hold out for hoouurrs before getting just a touch whiny. i. need to know. for science 🤲🏼

thank you so much!!! welcome to the blog my love 🥺 but omg. thoughts. so many.

HAIKYUU BOYS THAT CAN HANDLE EDGING

matsukawa issei; he’s purely holding out this long out of spite. as if he has something to prove, which he very much does. he’s barely bucking up into you, trying his best to hold his pants and his hisses from how borderline painful this is, but you can see how tense he is. his abs keep spasming, his biceps flexing as he fists the sheets. he keeps his legs spread for you though, lets you suck at his cock, fondle his balls, stroke at the base and squeeze at the tip with your much smaller hand. he lasts a good an hour and 10 minutes. honestly, genuinely impressive. he won’t let you get off easy though, good luck with that.

oikawa tōru; originally, i’d think he’d be so bad at this, but honestly, oikawa’s orgasm control is so impressive? even when he’s fucking you, he’s lowkey edging himself because he always holds off until you cum. so letting you edge him isn’t too much of a problem. he definitely cries and begs like a bitch, but he lasts, oh he lasts. approximately 35 ish minutes. definitely cums without warning and without permission, and you can’t decide whether he did it on purpose to piss you off or because he genuinely couldn’t continue. it’s okay, just overstimulate him till he’s crying all over again. tōru’s a very pretty crier, after all <3

kita shinsuke; oh my god, the best boy. he’d last days if you asked him to. he’ll be quietly, as quietly as he can, panting and whining and groaning, silent tears streaming down his face every time you pull away from his cock. every time he bucks his hips up, it’s followed by a trail of “sorry, sorry, m’sorry,” that it’s just so adorable. has you cooing at him, soothingly rubbing at his thigh and murmuring that it’s okay, that he’s doing so good. he lasts around 45 minutes, but when he cums, he promises to do better next time, to last longer. anything for you <3

sugawara kōshi; this fucking masochist. he likes it. he likes the pain. probably was the one to suggest it to you. he sits between your spread legs, back pressed to your chest with your hand stroking his dick from behind. you stroke at him until he’s so close and pull away, watching as his cock bobs desperately, and he moans for it. he’s so vocal about it, begging and pleading, but when you go to ask him if he wants to cum yet, he tells you, “no, no, i can— more, more.” he lasts 2 whole hours. it’s like, kind of scary. he does pass out after and actually scare, but he gets up a minute later with a cheeky smile like, “again?”

miya atsumu; like oikawa, he will cry and sob so fucking much, and he’ll make such a mess, but god, does he last. atsumu thrives off of praise, and having you tell him how good he’s doing for you, such a good boy, atsumu, all for me? has him drooling for it. both him, and his cock. he’ll get a little dumb halfway, almost just letting you use him, but he does whine a lot, crying and pleading for you to let him cum, but it’s all bark and no bite. it barely has anything to it. i firmly believe he’d be one of top, lasting around an hour and 30 minutes, just because atsumu gets so lost in everything, including giving up control.

kuroo tetsurō; another one to last mainly out of spite. he wants to prove to you it’s not much, it’s not that bad, it’s easy work. you quickly make him eat his words by the third time you pull away, and it just dawns on him that he’s the one that put himself in this position in the first place. it’s no one’s fault but his own, and because he doesn’t wanna seem like a coward, backing out so quick, he lasts at least 30 minutes, and gets through it without begging, only spitting out curses and panting and groaning deeply.

akaashi keiji; sweet boy keiji definitely lasts, all for you. he’s not too vocal either, just light curses to himself, muffled moans, broken, bitten down sobs. he genuinely does love to let you have your fun with him, because submitting to you is just so satisfying. and i can see akaashi loving edging so much because of how good the orgasm that eventually comes is. like the moment you give him permission to, he’s seeing stars, and it’s why he lasts as long as he does, why he tries to push for longer. he lasts a good 45 minutes, and he’s been trying to beat that record for a while now. don’t worry, he will.

sakusa kiyoomi; is so fucked out, so far gone, to the point that you don’t even think he’s in control of his own body anymore. even if you told him to cum, he wouldn’t. he’s so deep in this headspace of being under your control it’s incredible. it’s mesmerizing. he looks so pretty, cock so red and wet and hard as ever, painfully so, against his pale skin, twitching and bobbing and begging for attention. he lasts 40 minutes. it’s the most gorgeous 40 minutes of both your lives.

asahi azumane; so good! such a good boy!!! doesn’t last so long, but definitely tries his best for you. it’s some 20 or so minutes in that he cums, but he immediately starts chanting out apologies, begging for you to forgive him, to give him another chance. he continues to try until he can last so long, but it’s the fact that he’s willing to that has your heart soaring and your body heating up.

HAIKYUU BOYS THAT CANNOT, WHATSOEVER, HANDLE EDGING

bokuto kōtarō; baby boy is crying 10 minutes in. he can’t handle it. if you tie him up, he’ll rip through them, flip you over, and fuck into you till he’s filling you up. he won’t even try. he watched a porn video where a person lasted an hour and thought, oh must be worth it, and asked you to try it on him. just. it’s just not for him. he prefers the pain of overstimulation over edging, forever.

iwaizumi hajime; please he lasts like 2 minutes. he just hates it so much. on him, at least. he can edge you for hours, and he’d the most satisfied man on earth. but sit between his legs and tease him by sucking at his cock, only to pull away just as he’s about to cum? somebody clearly has a death wish <3 but do bring it up and ask to try it! he still won’t last lol. but make him last. watch him cry. make iwaizumi hajime cry. make him. it’s beautiful.

kageyama tobio; mannnn kageyama can cum untouched, hands free, if you really tried. grind down against him for a minute and he’s cumming in his pants for you. he has no concept of orgasm control whatsoever, and if you tried it on him he’d just get angry at you??? like fine no sex for u tf. he lasts a good 5 minutes, so good for him or whatever.

kozume kenma; he wants to last. he wants to. but you have him crying, sobbing, 20 minutes in, and he just unintentionally spills down your throat without warning. of course, you’d felt the twitch of his cock, but you’d wanted to see where his head was at exactly. after he came, he felt so humiliated, but he still forced eye contact with you and went, “do it again. i’ll last an hour this time.” like ok no problem for me :)

ushijima wakatoshi; doesn’t realize he’s being edged, and when you pull away just as he’s about to cum he sits up and stares at you with a deadpan face like, “that was not very nice of you.” he just. finds it boring honestly. he doesn’t want to drag something out like that for so long. he indulges you, sure, but for like 3 minutes, before he’s like alright time to fuck you.

hinata shōyō; hinata’s just way too overexcited. he really does put his mind to it, but i think he gets too in his head about it that he just ends up cumming right away. but it’s a ruined orgasm, cause you pull away just as he’s cumming, so it’s so not satisfying, but for some reason, hinata loved it? so yeah, lasts 0 seconds, but discovers new kink!

HAIKYUU BOYS THAT CAN, BUT JUST DON’T WANT TO

suna rintarō; oh he most definitely can. you cannot convince me he wouldn’t be able to. as much as suna is lazy, he’s just as impatient, and he can barely handle how foreplay seems to drag on forever. he wants to be inside you, and he wants to be inside you now. it’s ridiculous. if he could though, he’d last a good hour probably. he just really doesn’t want to.

daichi sawamura; could 100% do it if he really put his mind to it, but just. why? what’s the point of not orgasming? he just doesn’t get it </3 you can try to convince him by making him do it on you, but chances are he’s gonna realize how much he loves to do it to you only. daichi’s so possessive it’s crazy, and he gets this mischievous glint in his eye whenever he realizes how good something makes you feel, especially if it’s pain. he is a dangerous man.

miya osamu; most definitely would be able to last hours, but again, he just doesn’t want to. it’s also not one of those situations where he prefers overstimulation either. like osamu’s plenty kinky, sure, but those two aren’t what cross his mind when you say, “let’s change things up a bit.” it’s not that he gets bored of it either. he just. doesn’t wanna do it. like he can spend time making you feel good, and vice versa, with way more different things. and he seems like a very in the moment guy, like choking you in the moment or making you squirt. yk :)

satori tendō; oh tendō loves edging, just on you. he never really gives you a chance to ever try to with him, honestly. he just loves, loves, loves to edge you, but not because he wants to purposefully hurt you, but rather to praise you, to tell you how good you are for him, to make you feel so good when he finally lets you cum. if you were to edge him, he’d honestly probably last over two hours. like not even exaggerating, he probably would. but no, you’re more fun!

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