#nobody chats with me and that means that I dont have anyone to chat to

[erindrifter]

Yeah! Woohoo! I'm so glad that after two years of doing streams, this is the results I'm pulling in! And the stream in question spent most of the time with 0 viewers!

[caraphernellie]

build god, then we’ll talk // e.w.

a/n: preacher!ellie part 2!! yay! once again heavily mcr inspired lol, also mm a fever you can't sweat out aka the best p!atd album. i got super freaked out because this accidentally posted a few days ago and i dont even know why what the actual fuck. im super nervous about this one. this one is significantly worse than the first and if i wasnt already before writing this i certainly now am never seeing the pearly gates. AGAIN IF THIS ISNT UR THING DONT READ

read part one here!!

word count: 2.6k

warnings: preacher!ellie , christian!reader . some random bitch named paisleigh i tried to go for names karen would pick. fem!reader , dom!ellie , sub!reader . rough sex . church sex they are in the church please dont be mad at me LMFAOOOO . oral (e!receiving) , inappropriate use of holy water?? lol. established relationship (secret lovers). internalised homophobia + religious trauma , mean!ellie , she’s mostly very nice , just punishing reader and suuuuper clouded by internalised homophobia. degrading/slight humiliation kink , corruption kink if you squint , dacryphilia , spanking (r!receiving) , fingering (r!receiving) , hair pulling. dialogue heavy tbh ,, . use of the word whore. use of pet names : angel , sweet girl , good girl.

towards the back of the church, you sit next to ellie during the evening service. her warm palm covers most of your thigh, thumb rubbing gentle circles into your skin. it’s secret moments shared in plain sight that get you going, that make your heart flutter and knees weak. 

it’s moments like these that increase the doubts you are having about your faith – not like ellie knows, and absolutely not like you would ever tell her. she is your lover, and you have trusted her with so much, but she could never understand this. she’s dedicated her life to the church like it’s her purpose, and you’re haunted by it.

so even as you feel yourself losing sight of the need for salvation, and as you find that you can only feel happy and free once you let go of religion, you will sit through every mass. you will pray with her. you will continue to live this hidden, shameful life, living with the knowledge that nobody else would approve of the way you love ellie.

and it gets difficult, hiding it. you’ve lived in fear, hiding the secret of your sexuality for so long, but ellie’s warmth and her gentle touch is something you wish you could show off.

the service ends, and ellie stays back as she often does to talk to anyone who needs her guidance. you sit and wait for her in the pews, growing impatient, and growing guilty as your thoughts run wild and you realise what an apostate you have become.

you fidget in your seat, antsy and itching for ellie to come back to you, so you’ll be alone once more, and free to feel her touch and her kiss that you so desperately crave. but she’s having a chat with her neighbour paisleigh, of course, who is asking ellie with some not-so-subtle judgement when she’s going to settle down to become a typical housewife. you scoff at such an idea.

ellie? settling down with a man? that’s laughable.

but watching her talk with paisleigh, the way her chapped lips move and the moonlight shining through a stained glass window hits her eyes, you need that kiss more than ever.

almost on autopilot, you trail towards ellie, standing beside her with a blank face.

she interrupts paisleigh for a moment, turning to you, there’s always that undeniable look of adoration in her eyes, how she always tries to make time for you, and be attentive towards you, and it curls the corners of your lips upwards.

“you alright?” ellie asks, quirking a brow in your direction, “somethin’ wrong or you’re just bored?”

and you realise you’re actually not sure why you came up to ellie – or, you do know, but it’s not something you could ask right now. so you just grab her hand instead of replying, and ellie’s gaze hardens. in an attempt to appear professional, she squeezes your hand before dropping it.

“is something wrong?”

“uh…”

paisleigh utters something under her breath, something that sounds a little mean, before she speaks up. “i should get going. i will see you tomorrow.”

“for sure,” ellie nods, smiling. “see you.”

and ellie doesn’t even spare you a glance, waiting until paisleigh exits the church. you’re alone, the church is empty, and it’s so silent you could hear a pin drop.

at this point, it’s a matter of who will break the silence, but ellie beats you to it. you know she’s not happy – she’s always bitching the second you come close to even subtly showing love to her when someone else is around.

“jealous or something?” ellie says, crossing her arms. she leans against a pew, crossing her ankles. “couldn’t handle hearin’ about me possibly settling down? or were you just in the mood to get us caught?”

“ellie, it’s not like that, i just–”

“then what was it like?” ellie challenges, raising her eyebrows. she’s got a real mean streak, and it only comes out when she wants to protect you.

“it was- j-just– i just wanted to be close,” you mutter, looking down, a newfound meekness in your tone, “it was just me holding your hand, i–”

“and if someone takes you holding my hand the wrong way, then what? hm? you’re willing to lose everything just to hold my hand? what, you’re that desperate for some attention?”

“i wasn’t thinking, i just–”

you don’t know when ellie got so close to you, but her hand grabs your chin and lifts your face so she can stare into your eyes. there’s not much of anger there. you know what it is, it’s her own internal struggle, that she’s only taking out on you because she saw an opportunity.

“not thinking, huh?” ellie snorts, then caresses your cheek, a far cry from the callous tone she’s giving you. “poor girl, wanted me so bad, is that it?”

your lips are sealed, a doe look in your eyes that makes ellie smirk. 

“talk. you wanted me, hm? use your words.”

“i just wanted a kiss,” you say quietly, “or at the very least, j-just a hug.”

“awe,” ellie croons, pulling you close. her heart isn’t calm like usual and you can hear it, the harboured speed she gained in fear of your secret being revealed. she’s warm as ever, her hands on your waistline and chin resting on your shoulder. “well here’s your hug, angel. but you know what i think?”

“...what?”

“you’ve forgotten where the fuck we are.”

ellie pulls away from you, and shoves you in the direction of the altar, causing you to gasp and catch yourself with your arms on the white table.

“we are in a place of worship. in the house of god, sweet girl, do you know what god thinks of people like us?”

you look down at your hands. “we’re… sinners.”

“that’s right,” ellie hums in approval. she ends up behind you, a hand gripping your throat to pull your back against her chest. “we’re sinners. and you went as far as to want me, to be thinking these kinds of thoughts during our service, in which we are to honour him. if you’re that much of a whore, i’ll give you what you want right here, right now.”

you splutter, quick shock taking over completely. “i- wha- here? in church? ellie, y- we can’t, this isn’t priv–”

“nobody’s watching,” ellie murmurs into your ear, leaving a kiss right where your shoulder meets your neck. “nobody except god himself. so why don’t i teach you a little lesson, show god how sorry you are?”

oh.

oh.

“i…”

ellie’s hand slides down your neck and to your back, pushing, pushing, until you’re bent over the altar. she tugs at the hem of your dress with one hand, the other trailing up the back of your thigh, leaving goosebumps in its wake like little electric sparks.

“let this punishment be our prayer. our repentance,” ellie suggests, holding your dress up. a finger traces slowly over the outline of your panties, such a feather light touch you almost don’t feel it, until she’s tugging them down and letting them pool on the floor over your mary janes. “remind me, what are we?”

you’re preoccupied, trembling over the altar and mulling over in your mind the way the air brushes against the heat in your cunt. 

preoccupied, until there’s a stinging pain spreading over your ass, and a slap echoing through the empty church, followed by your own yelp.

“i said,” ellie speaks through gritted teeth, repeating herself, “what are we?”

“sinners,” you answer, voice wavering. “so sorry, i– ah!”

another spank, right on the other ass cheek this time. ellie chuckles, her large hands kneading over soft skin to soothe the sting of it.

“we are sinners, and we always beg for forgiveness, don’t we, my angel? so how dare you–” the word dare is punctuated by another spank over the middle of your ass. “-think something so sinful in a time where we are supposed to be holy?"

a pathetic mewl whines past your lips and you tremble even more, “i’m sorry, ellie, but the–”

“don’t be apologising to me,” ellie says, chuckling. she cups your cheeks in her hands from behind, tilting your head up. your eyes focus on the large wooden crucifix hanging on the back wall of the cathedral. “apologise to him.”

“oh,” you whisper, the heat of embarrassment bubbling inside your stomach, rising to your face. “yes. of course.”

ellie’s face appears beside you, a soft kiss pressing against your shoulderblade. “i love you,” she whispers, and she loses sight of herself for a moment – forgetting where her values are, forgetting her internal battles for just a moment to show you something tender, a warning, a reminder that she is playing.

and just when you think the harsher treatment is over, she gives you this short warning that almost doesn’t register in your mind. she slaps your cunt, and she laughs at the way you buck your hips away from her hand.

“this is not going to be gentle. you didn't think your punishment was over, did you?” ellie teases, two fingers spreading open the soaking folds, gathering creamy slick over the pads of her digits. she lives for every reaction you have, every shudder and every little gasp. “tell me, sweet girl, what happens if you sin?”

“y-you’re damned,” you reply, trying to focus your gaze over the cross, and your back arches when two of ellie’s fingers slowly slide inside. “damned to hell.”

“yes,” ellie answers, an audible strain in her voice, where she grits her teeth over the feeling of your walls clenching around her long digits. “and is there a way to save yourself?”

“by… oh, el– by looking to god,” you say. your voice is barely above a whisper, but ellie nods anyway, slowly beginning to move her fingers. “and by apologising, a-and seeking forgiveness from the lord, and y-you can be absolved of s– ffuck.”

ellie is hardly listening to your answer at this point. you can’t see her, but if you could, the look on her face would be tantalising enough. lip pulled between her teeth, thick brows burrowed over narrowed eyes as she watches her fingers coat with your wetness.

“you’re right,” ellie whispers, flitting her gaze up to the back of your head again. “so what are you gonna say now, angel? do you want to be an angel? or keep being a whore?”

“i-i’m sorry, lord,” you plead, a moan choking out as ellie speeds up her pace, thrusting in your pussy, squelching, wet sounds echoing in the church and increasing your embarrassment. “please f-forgive me, for disrespecting you, in a t-time meant for w– ellie!”

the shriek comes as ellie’s free hand spanks your ass again, and she growls, “now apologise for both of us. like we always do.”

you nod, panting softly, but there aren’t many words coming to mind at the moment. think, think, we pray every time. this shouldn’t be hard.

ellie’s fingers slide in and out of you, and she smirks when she feels your clench around her again. the pace is so fast you can’t keep up, and her fingers pound so roughly it almost burns. a knot builds in your stomach, tears in your eyes.

pulled out of your daze, ellie rips a cry out of you as she grabs a fistful of your hair and tugs your head upwards to look at the cross after noticing your head fall. she keeps her grip tight. a hot tear slides down your cheek.

“aw, angel, this shouldn’t be hard,” ellie coos, almost as though she read your mind. “are you sorry?”

“yes, yes,” you whine, hands holding onto the edge of the altar for stability. “please, oh f-fuck, ellie.”

“please? please what, angel?” ellie asks, smirking. “you’re not cumming until you can show god you’re sorry for this.”

“i’m sorry!” you cry, a tear or two dripping onto the white tablecloth on the altar. “please, lord, f-forgive us, we have- are sinning, again, a-and- ahh, mmff,..”

ellie almost rolls her eyes, a large grin on her face that she can’t wipe off for the life of her – you can’t get a full sentence out, and she’s proud.

“please guide us, and p– protect us from future error,” you continue, “thank you for your f-forgiveness.”

“good,” ellie murmurs, easing up some of her relentless pace only to make you more comfortable, “keep cryin’, maybe your tears’ll convince someone to believe you.”

you can’t bother to reply, though ellie’s finally, for once, acknowledged how unapologetic you both are. not sorry, just guilty.

“el– ellie, i’m going to– mm, right, yea, like that please-”

ellie releases her grip on your hair, and hooks a strong arm around you. she laughs as your cunt twitches when her hand begins rubbing at your puffy clit, now with nothing on her mind but the goal of making you cum.

it doesn’t take long after that. a cord in your stomach snaps, unravelling as you shake and tremble and jitter, loud, lewd moans filling the silence of the empty church.

pulling away, leaving your wrecked hole empty, her fingers poke at your lips. as you still come down from such intensity, ellie lets you lean against her while your lips part and take her fingers in, sucking the slick off of them. 

“good girl,” ellie whispers, her other hand smoothing your dress down and patting your ass. “you’ll make a perfect angel, so obedient like that.”

you hum around ellie’s fingers, hands lazily grabbing at her wrist, half lidded eyes trained on the veins in her hand.

“i need you to do one more thing for me, can you do that?” ellie asks, taking her fingers out of your mouth. she kisses the corner of your lips, and then grips your shoulders, beginning to push you down. “kneel.”

glassy eyes peering up at ellie, tear stained cheeks and a small pout on your lips, she grunts and reaches for her belt. “ah, fuck...”

she’s ruined you. 

unzipping her pants, ellie takes down both the slacks and her grey boxers at once. there’s no time to process anything before she’s got a hand on the back of your head, gently prompting you to move closer, enticing you towards her messy cunt.

ellie looks down at you, huffing a breath out of her nose when she meets your eyes. “c’mere, angel, let me mess up that pretty face even more. just– aw, shit, uh-huh.”

your nose tickled by auburn bush, you press your face against her and flick your tongue out, lapping over her clit. the memory of your dwindling faith is hazy in this moment, nothing but ellie’s moans and taste filling your senses.

“that’s it,” ellie praises, leaning back against the altar to keep herself from growing weak. her hand begins to move your head, and you almost can’t keep up with it. “just so– mmm, ffuck yeah, shit, you’re so fuckin’ pretty.”

hands folded in your lap, there isn’t much you can do but take this, especially when ellie begins rutting her hips towards you. lips and tongue melting between thrusts and the hand moving you up and down, meeting ellie’s pulsing cunt, tasting her essence.

“sh– fuck,” ellie grunts, staring down at you, pretty green eyes jaded in pleasure, bushy brows knit together, and chapped lips groaning explicit praise while she teeters on the edge of orgasm.

“so, so, nnng, s-so fucking good, that’s my girl.”

your desperate whimpers vibrating through ellie’s core are what does it. she fucks her pussy against your face with a guttural moan, head tipped back in pleasure.

and when it’s all over, she lifts you to your feet, redresses herself. chuckling at the sight of your wrecked face, lips and chin covered in spit and slick, ellie kisses you with the gentlest affection.

“good girl, you handled that so well. hm, shit, you’re messy.”

looking for something to clean you off with, the only thing ellie can find around is holy water. smirking, she pours some onto her hands, and massages it over your face.

“amen,” she whispers, nodding her head.

and ellie’s smile grows genuine when half lidded eyes meet her own, and you bow your head.

“amen.”

tags: @dinasvampgf @fadedin2u @eurewili @diddiqueen @machetegirl109 @craz1er4you @divinediorss @onlinelesbo @thecowardwrites

i may consider a part 3 let me know if you want it :) it would be fluffier 😭 maybe they'd leave the church? mybe consummating a marriage iywim... hmm...

[ariicandy]

Hihi! I found you through this event that you're doing, and I wanted to contribute! Sorry for another Rui prompt, but could I get Rui from Project Sekai with the Hurt/Comfort prompt 3 please?

“You make me feel safe”

HII! Dont worry abt it being another rui prompt I do need to practice writing abt him! This is the first prompt of hurt/comfort so enjoy!

A/N: Hopefully I did rui good I haven’t been keeping up on character development && from lack of motivation 4 prompt (╥﹏╥)

Rui has been at hard work in making new inventions to show at a school contest. He has never been this excited or amazed by his own invention he has created. He has brought the invention to school with the help of tsukasa carrying it together, rui started to feel down not because of the weight of the robot. But the people around saying things not even trying to hide it as a whisper. People in the hallways start low-like voices on his robot saying, “careful he has a robot again” “the weirdo is here.” etc etc. The usually things he hears but, it hurts. This project had give him motivation and excitement on showing people how proud he was working on this. He can’t help but make those negative comments stir in his mind.

Tsukasa has saw how his facial expression is down from hearing all the comments people are saying. “Rui don’t listen to those comments! You are the greatest inventor!!” Tsukasa shouts, it did get rui’s attention out of that dark fog in his head. He smiles a bit from tsukasa’s remark, “Thank you tsukasa.”

Even tho Rui cheered a bit, tsukasa doesn’t fully believe he’s alright. He decided to text someone close to rui ever since he was little. You, tsukasa decided to message you to atleast Check up if he’s fine from all the things people have said.

Tsukasa: “[NAME]!! CAN U PLEASE CHECK UP ON RUI (｡•́︿•̀｡)“

You: “Sure! But what happen (・・ ) ?”

Tsukasa: “people were saying rude comments and he’s looking very down from it(｡•́︿•̀｡)”

You: “WHAT DON’T WORRY ILL GO SEEIF HE’S OKAY｡･ﾟﾟ*(>д <)*ﾟﾟ･｡ SEND ME WHERE U GUYS ARE AT!!”

Tsukasa sent a message that they were at Kamiyama High School for the school contest. With that, you were off running to go see if your boyfriend was doing okay, it worried you on what types of comments people have made while they saw what he has made. Rui’s creation always interest and amaze you everyday from his inventions he creates. What’s one thing he has never told you about his creations is that you give him motivation to think and create what he loves to do while you are there to support him.

Mini time skip to where u found where they are at

“Rui! Tsukasa! Hi!” Walking towards them at their little stand. “[NAME]!! Just in time!!” Tsukasa exclaimed. “Oh [Name]! I didn’t expect such a lovely person to be here!” Rui said. “Rui! Anyways can we chat somewhere i wanna ask you something.” You asked Rui, to which he replied with sure and a nod. Tsukasa took over the stand while you both went somewhere private to chat. “So what did you wanted to talk about??” Rui asked once u guys finally settled on a quiet area where nobody is around to spy. “Rui are you alright from earlier? Tsukasa has told me people were saying mean things i just want to check if you’re okay, I’ll be with you the entire day if u want.” Rui was shocked a bit tsukasa calling you just to check up on him because you’re the only person he will open up to. He sighed and decided even if he told you he was fine, you’ll be keeping an eye on him the whole day so might as well give in. Rui started to open a bit on the comments made him doubt himself if his inventions were really weird and all. You hugged rui as he accepts it need the comfort from you. Ever since he met you by mizuki he has never felt so loved and accepted by someone, wanting to spend his every second with you. You made a connection with him, loving him, caring for him, and he feels safe in your arms not caring if anyone comes by and sees you both. He likes being in the comfort of your arms

[housewifebuck]

Hey bestie you think you have a stalker *again*????

I mean I don’t really fear for my safety this time (yet) but it’s still super weird.

I’m gonna put the whole thing under the cut bc I honestly want some other opinions on this like maybe I’m overreacting ?? 😭 With some specifics omitted so as not to dox myself and gain even more stalkers, here is what happened:

I went to a local shop today that I’m in all the time like several times a month and I always chat with the lady who works there, Liz, so I know she recognizes me and knows my face. I went in today and she goes omg your mom was in here yesterday! And I was like um. no she wasn’t lol my mom is deceased. So she was like 😃😄😃 what the fawk. And she tells me a woman came in yesterday with a man and said her daughter told her about this place, proceeds to pull out her phone and show Liz a photo of me. Liz said “oh from (organization that I run)!” And the woman said yes yes that’s her. So there is no way it was just a photo of someone identical to me who happens to live in the same tiny town as me. And Liz didn’t even question it because apparently this woman did look a lot like me which makes it even weirder. I was pressed for time and also like…utterly flabbergasted so I didn’t think to ask a lot of questions but I’m going back on Monday to try to get more info on this woman because what the fuck lol

Some extra context: most people in my town know who i am to some extent bc of the nonprofit i run and a lot of locals follow the org's social media pages. there are some people who definitely feel like they know me bc of this and sometimes approach me/talk to me in public when i really dont know who they are. but nobody has ever taken it this far. also anyone who actually knows my family knows my mother is not around so like ?? I’m just so ??????!?!

[secret-sturniolo]

just a long vent. read (or dont) idc

not that anyone really cares, but i just have some things i need to get off my chest because im currently alone in my room crying in the dark.

let me preface this by saying i dont have any friends. i literally do not have a single person i can talk to. i dont even have a therapist because she just quit. the last friend group i had, i found out they had a secret group chat where they were shit talking and making fun of me. so, the closest thing to friends i have are my 151 followers and the people in this fandom. when i log on here and i see that people have interacted with me or like my works, thats literally the highlight of my day. so to anyone who has talked to me or shown me support, i truly thank you and i love you.

if you met my family, you would think we have it all. my parents own a successful business, they (appear) happily married, and my brother and i have everything we could ever want or need. but heres the truth:

my parents are alcoholics. every night its the same thing. they get drunk, they fight and yell and say nasty things about each other until one of them goes to bed and they sleep in different rooms. im the one who has to mediate things. im the one who has to send my little brother to bed so he doesnt have to hear them. im the one who cleans up the spilled drinks. im the one who drove us to the hotel when my dad was being verbally abusive. and when my mom almost died in the ICU a month ago as a direct result of drinking, i was the one visiting her multiple times a day. i was the one at home doing all of the dishes, all of the laundry, all of the cleaning, and bringing my brother to and from school ON TOP OF my own schoolwork and going to work every evening all because my dad is lazy and doesnt get out of bed until 1pm.

they swore to me that they were done drinking. and when they lasted 3 days and got drunk again, i didnt shame them. i didnt say anything at all. in fact, i showed them support.

wanna guess what i get in return for all of that?

i get told that im the one whos tearing our family apart, that if they get divorced its my fault. that maybe if i was nicer we would have less problems.

and god forbid that i have a bad day sometimes like a normal human being, because then i get accused of not taking my medications.

they also like to act like my mental health problems are harder on them than they are on me as if they didnt literally play a role in me developing them. a year ago i had to go to another state to receive inpatient and residential treatment because i was anorexic and suicidal. let me tell you, thats not a vacation. i have clinically diagnosed ptsd from things i witnessed there. all those times they had to take me to the hospital? yeah, not fun for me either. i promise you, nobody has tubes shoved up their nose just for shits and giggles.

you guys, im only 17. i havent even graduated high school yet. if this is what life is like now, im terrified to be an adult.

i mean it when i say that this fandom keeps me going. it makes me feel appreciated, even just a little. so if you made it to the end of this, thanks for caring enough to read this absolute dumpster fire of a post.

love you all <3

[theravencawsatmidnight]

I loved your fortnite one! May I request?

(The best place to get the lore is to look it up on the fortnite wiki, but heres a summary of Agent Jones lol)

Agent Jones works for the (now defunct) Imagined Order, the company that oversees the Zero point/loop. Jones betrayed the IO when they didn't try and save the Zero point, instead choosing to flee.

The reason that Jones joined the IO was to protect his family, nobody knows what planet / reality he's from. If he leaves the IO, his family will die without the protection.

Anyone who works in Island Loop control (like Jones) doesn't just get full medical care, they get given immortality.

So Jones would slave forever to protect his bloodline. If it wasn't for the Zero point trying to explode that is.

I did not mean to write that lot!

I was wondering do you have any yandere headcannons for him? If not then that's fine :)

TYSM FOR THE RQ AND INFO !!!! Ill do my best ^^ hope u enjoy.

Forever Mine…

🌹 Agent Jonsey was immortal like everyone else. It was boring to him, no death, nothing to look forward too , not that death was something to look forward too. But he was bored. Some days he just wanted to loosen his tie and.. have fun

🌹When Jonsey learned you were joining his team he was interested. Friendly chit chatting in the beginning , he would help with whatever you needed, it was nice at first. Until it got out of hand .

🌹little notes, lunches, personal space.. Jonesy sometimes would brush against you when he walked by , just to hear that little surprised yelp you did, the way you jumped just enough to get a little bounce from your chest. He loved it.

🌹whenever you mentioned his family he would wave his hands in the air shooing the question away like a annoying fly. “They are fine” he told you over and over. “Lets talk about you” he instead , “i wanna know all about you ya know?” He was persistent …sometimes not taking no for an answer.

🌹Jonesy started to corner you now when it was just you and him. His broad shoulders and tense arms made it hard to sneak away. “Bunny…” he would say under hitched breath, “i dont know what it is, about you. I cant explain it” Jonesy was a family man, he loved them… but all he wanted now was you

🌹He had grown impatient now, watching you rush away from him after work was completed , he had to take you while he had the chance. So he made up a story that someone had gotten hurt from the storm, and just like the good bunny you were you ran to help them. Thats when everything went dark

🌹He had pictures up in the room you found yourself in. His family. You tried to stand up but the heavy chains around your wrists made it hard. You were chained to the floor in this empty cold room.

🌹He told you it was to remind himself of his real life, his happy life . “Dont get confused bunny , im just as happy with them as i am with you, but i have to return to them too. They already love me. And soon you will too”

🌹His dull dull life was over, immortality was not so bad now. He finally had a reason. .. to loosen that tired tie.

[skeletorswaifu]

STUDYGROUP/COVEN RANT

so i thought about starting or joining a study group for soooooooo long. My partner would just tell me “Start one yourself! Make your own coven!”

I definitely didn’t feel comfortable creating my own. Though I’ve been practicing witchcraft off and on for...5ish years i still feel like i dont know anything. At least not enough to run a coven. BUT i decided to do it because DAMMIT if there are NONE in my area. I just gathered some of my dorky witch friends who either consider themselves witches or are just curious about it and was like HEY DISCORD CHATS?

its so difficult.

i want to be democratic and allow everyone to have an equal space in the group. i dont want there to be a High Priestess or Leader or Coven Head or whatever. Council run is my preferred.

however.

I came up with SO MANY STUDY PROMPTS and was so excited and then the first chat they derailed immediately and said my prompts didn't matter and popcorn method was better and flip flopped on so many subjects and were all over the place and HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO LEARN ANYTHING IF WE DONT TALK ABOUT THINGS SERIOUSLY?

and i understand a big portion of us are neuro-spicy and its hard to stick to one singular subject but at least the general idea? (Advice on this is welcomed btw)

I wasnt prepared to talk about deities, i was prepared to introduce myself and talk about what witchcraft meant to me and what kind i do and learn these things from my friends but instead it was “SO JESS...DIETIES?....DO YOU WORK WITH PLANTS?HERBS?” and “WHO CAN AND CANT BE A WITCH?” and my brain LITERALLY stuttered.

i had no idea what to do or say :( Also....I’m the only one trying to set up dates and times to chat. like....nobody else has tried :( Maybe its not as important to them? not in a bad way just....maybe its not a bigger part of their every day life?

i dont mean any of this in a super negative way, just wanted to vent. Has anyone else started a study group/coven? was it this bumpy?

((((((((   TLDR    )))))))

creating a coven/study group is hard.

advice?

.

.Not my art.

****Pat Shewchuk and Marek Colek, Canadian artists and publishers who work collaboratively under the name Tin Can Forest and Tin Can Forest Press. Tin Can Forest creates sequential art, video installations, films and books. They are inspired by the the forests of Canada, Slavic art, and occult folklore.****

[lightyearssurrogatedaddy]

magine crying and you wanna tell one of your friends why uou're crying because you want a bit of comfort. But you're afraid of coming in at a bad time like that one time and feeling so guilty about it because they're going through something worse and you cant you CANT talk to anyone because youre afraid everyone else wonfmt get it or wont pay you any attention but you wanan talk to SOMEONE about how youre feeling but you CANT cus even if you were allowed to and didnt have any fear youd still say absolutely nothing.

Oooohhhh i dont wanna b a bother to anyone theyre all going through shit absolute garbage and i know they say it doesnt take energy to care about me i STIL dont wanna bothr them because what if i catch them at a rrally really really bad time or what if i text someome and they dont have an answer and ignore me and the next time they text theyre gunna skip over what i told them and theyre gunna talk.about something else else.

I want a hug hug i want aomeone to tell me its okay but thats way too much to ask from them i dont wanna be a bother i dont wanna be a worry but i kust talked to my therapist today after a month of not being able to chat and we had to do it over phone while my mom was nearby cus we live in the small ass bus and i cant ask her to go outside cus its 11 degrees and i feel like i didnt say enough and now i just really really want a someone but no i dont wanna bother them its late and theres scjool tomorrow and school sucks and i dont want them feeling like they need to cater to my stupid ass.

Im sorry im so so sorry theyre gunna read this sometime and say soemthing really nice but im not gunna read the message for five hours and maybe ill try avoiding it alltogether cus i dont know i dont know why cant you be mean like i expect you to why cant you yell and curse at me like i expect you to why are you so NICE to me.???? Nono i know why but why man. Why in a rhetorical sense. Why in the how do you have the fucking energy for me.

Im sorry. Im done crying. Oh god man its fine i got my favorite stuffed animal and everything

I want a hug can you give me a hug please. I feel so selfish and cruel. Im so scared youre gunna turn on me one day because nobody can be that genuine. Aint nobody in the fucking world who can be this sweet and silly. Im so waiting im so worried i dont ever want that to happen but i feel like it really might even though i know it wont. Why have you never let uour anger out on me even when i deserved it. Im sorry i didnt want to text about this im just hoping this post will stay buried, cus maybe it comforts me knowing it exists and could be discovered by you, but theres the happy chance you never ever see this and i get to not talk about it ever again. My wonderful schrodingers cat is such a comfort to me because then i dont have to worry about an outcome that im positive will happen. I love my maybes.

[dreamsy990]

who do u think is most likely to randomly quote memes in the ven/sora/roxas household. my money is on roxas. sora seems like he wouldn't know memes unless roxas shows them to him but is also the kinda guy to try and rickroll anyone at any given chance bc he finds it funny. ventus is a connoisseur of animal memes. to me

dont have my drawing stuff out rn so no doodles for this but yeah i agree with most of what you said. so heres my headcanons

sora is horrible with electronics he barely knows what an internet is. he doesnt know what the word meme means and nobody will explain it to him. i think he saw a 'get stickbugged' meme once and sends it to his friends like "LOOK AT THIS CUTE BUG!!!!!!!!!!!" and really likes those shiba memes because he is a little guy

roxas DOES know how to use the internet unlike sora. presumably. hes probably the most 'in touch' of the group but thats not saying much. i think he has no social media accounts whatsoever. maybe he doesnt know how to make an email maybe he just doesnt care but whatever it is he is simply observing. i forget what the word is my brain went to ghosting but i am very much thinking of a mother mother song. i think roxas would quote vines. they pass a road work sign and he says 'yeah i sure hope it does' and everyone turns to stare at him in confusion except xion (she is laughing because roxas showed it to her) lea (he is very proud because he is the one who taught roxas how to use vine) isa (he gets the reference and is disappointed in lea for what he has started) and ven (who laughs even though he doesnt get the reference either because he thinks it is funny or he wants to be included). i think he mostly uses his phone for music.

and youre so right about ventus. ventus watches funny cat videos. he spams group chats with cat pictures. he loves animals and will tell you all about this really cool dog picture he saw the other day. he is either a joy to have in group chats or the worst depending on how much you like animal pictures. he only gets memes a little bit because like sora he is very new to the internet but unlike sora he is putting a lot more effort into trying to learn. he and roxas are the only two who know what a rickroll are

[verm1c1de]

Hello please tell me literally anything you can about pradr :33

I have brain worms and they need sustinance.

ok ok. so im gonna be honest half of this is semi-related to the very specific fursion of them that i share with my furiend id beclaws were geniuses and if nyall had any idea HALF the stuff we wrote mew would be going bonkers

ANYWAYS

so basically the gist of them is "were furiends beclaws of mewtual hate but then find out that oh god oh no there are things we LIKE. about EACHOFUR!!! FUCK!!!!!"

more under the cut beclaws this is gonna be a bit of a looong post

in the show its already been shown that the tallest and dib will just. Willingly Hang Out on call and theyll vaguely entertain his nonsense ((if very confused about it)). so that can def escalate to regular chats while zims not there/when zim HAS to put up with dib also being there beclaws the tallest like this funny little dirtmonkey fur some reason. the reason is that this weird alien is so. Oddly Interesting and just Talks to them like normal people instead of as these higher beings so thats WEIRD they dont LIKE that but. at the same time. its intriguing? and this urth creature has a lot to say! and hell do just about anything fur a bit of irken info and a scrap of appurreciation

of course then these chats get longer and more furequent and at some point mewve gotta go "hey can we skip the middle man just take our number." ((to which anyone who could pawssibly find out would go what the FUCK since WHEN do the TALLEST like anybody besides themselves enough to do that!!!!!))

the tallest,,,, dont know when they started liking people besides themselves eifur. purple doesnt care too much lol he likes what he likes and doesnt give a shit what ofur people think. ((even if he mostly just sees dib as a funny little man without much sustenance atm)) reds a biiiit more appurrehensive. and by a bit i mean "oh god, what the fuck am i feeling. what the fuck. this shouldnt be allowed. this is supposed to be OUR((red + pur)) thing!!! when did HE((dib)) get here????"

dib doesnt know how he got there eifur. hes just being himself and kind of maybe enjoying these evil tyrants company. he doesnt LIKE them or anything no no hes obviously just mewsing them fur infurmation and little gadgets that they give him sometimes! ((its mostly just junk and completely useless info. mostly.)) but. mew know. hes kind of starting to figure out that theres more to their deal than just blowing shit up and eating snacks

red and purple have spent their entire lives staying close to eachofur to a codependent degree so fur, not letting anybody else get close. theyre just a unit ok!! they dont need anybody else! but then Suddenly this human waltzes in like "hi im going to completely ruin mewr whole dynamic by shoving myself in there" and they just. its new its weird it sucks its Fun and they cant help Liking his stupid ass!!

purple likes how hes funny and purretty stupid, obviously he doesnt like this inferior creature fur anything more than That! and the way dib doesnt treat him like hes Stupid definitely doesnt mean something to him...

red ((once he gets ofur himself a little bit)) does NOT like him fur his intellect WHATSOEFUR no. not at all. he doesnt think this non-irken is smart and Almost on their level ((nobody can be as good as the tallest, obviously)) and he Definitely doesnt enjoy being treated as equals

dib DEFINITELY doesnt like how these two listen to him or enjoy talking to them or how purple is so endearingly mean ((they both are, to be fair)) or that if mew play mewr cards just right red is a bit of a softie under all of that Pure Evil, and fur Sure he doesnt care fur them Actually Engaging With Him and his interests, even if they dont really care as much as he does, its not just Putting Up with him until he shuts up. and there is Absolutely No Way he likes the thought of being Special to the most pawerful people in the mewniverse ((and definitely, not at all, showing them that just beclaws theyre the tallest doesnt mean theyre almighty. hes got his own tricks up his sleeve))

tl;dr, Ough.

[juni-ravenhall]

i’ve been trying to figure out what to do, bc the more im away from ssoblr the  more it became obvious that i feel intensely fucking shit when i go on here and feel better when im not on here 

- due to the ppl who decided to make shit up about me behind my back and then double down on it and say “look!! he IS mean [for being hurt and upset - as a longterm victim of abuse and bullying, which everyone knows about]” when i try to talk about that. 

i just dont know what to do. i liked it here, and i did my best (as someone with severe social anxiety and with ptsd from abuse! i’m not perfect, but i did my best!) to talk to ppl directly, even the ones who have been rude or nonsensical or mean or whatever other form of disrespectful to other ppl. (that includes anons i received and normal convos.) 

but everytime i go on here now im just reminded about how ppl i thought i could trust would turn on me and make shit up about me instead of actually talk to me, and when i tried to talk to them directly, it would be shut down or discouraged. while the behind-my-back stuff clearly was never actually acknowledged or resolved.  

at this point i just feel so lost. i dont know what to do. when i try to resolve it instead i get told even worse things and got hurt *more* instead of getting a resolution. and i get told “you talk too much” and shit like this, so what? talking isn’t bad. treating others unfairly is bad. i wish i had a penny for everytime someone told me i talk too much! imagine, humans are different! talking isn’t harmful and when i was told to “stop replying to me if you don’t agree”, i did, aka i stopped talking, as much as i feel it’s an odd way to handle things. 

even my gf got grouped in with me as if she had done something wrong. what exactly these things we both did that are wrong, seems really unclear. i know that ppl got upset about specific things but i don’t really see how the things are wrong, and if nobody is ready to explain that, what can i do? what am i supposed to do? when *i* see someone post unfair or mean things, i replied to them and said “hey, this isn’t fair” etc... but the same group of people told me to stop doing that. (either by direct words, or by blocking me, or whatever.)

what do you want me to do then? to not reply when someone is mean, but also to think it’s okay for people to talk about me in private chats, and therefore to not get a chance myself to explain or defend myself since you refuse to talk to me directly about it? i hate all of this. it’s school style bullying at the point that you talk about others negatively in private and don’t have anyone there to offer a different perspective or defend them.

i didnt talk about any of these ppl behind anyone’s back: part of what made some ppl mad is the public posts i made (during panic attacks from severe mental illness and stressful poor life situations!) containing ~narcissistic judgmental mean content~ such as “i can’t handle ppl being irrational and mean”, or “people should stop being irrational and mean”, or “people should get help (just like i do) if they’re unhealthy and immature”. 

bc you know, it’s not like ppl were irrational and mean to me or others, i just made that up. and it’s definitely only about x persons on ssoblr who likes to think all vagues are about them and not the entire humanity (aka: ive been open about how many ppl have mistreated, abused or bullied me, actually, and every fucking time i go in a fandom i meet ppl who latch on to me as an easy target bc im Different. one person being immature or unhealthy isn’t unique; i meet them everywhere; if they treat others with disrespect or unfairly they are causing harm, no matter how common they are, and therefore it’d be great if they tried to fix that by studying psychology and getting mental healthcare. because it’s not okay to hurt others or be mean and you should stop. whoops, am i being a mean narcissist again?) 

i really wish all the trying-to-talk-it-out happened publically because i needed backup. they can keep doing what they do and everyone else thinks they didn’t hurt anyone because i handled this in private out of respect (i don’t believe in cancelling and blocking and all this shit). if nobody knows what happened then they’re also free to keep manipulating the perspective and act as if i really did do something wrong (i’ve asked what i did wrong and i get no answer. contrary to Things People Make Up About Me, i actually do want to know if i did something wrong, and try to make it right - and no, you’re not unique if you Made Things Up About Me, so that’s not just about one person, yet again). 

it’s not comparable to say “you’re talking too much” vs “you hurt me”. it’s not comparable to say “you wrote public posts where you said being mean and irrational is bad” vs “talking behind someone’s back in a private space where they or their friends can’t defend them”. the things aren’t the same. you can’t just act like all emotional reactions are equal when they’re not. 

i really dont know what to do. i dont feel safe or comfortable on here, i feel like shit that they hurt me like this and are still hellbent on that somehow it was my own fault and also it never happened anyway. 

(btw, i was literally told “we talk about you sooo much” and then told “no, we never talk about you”... “he thinks ppl talk about him”... as if i was being delusional or grasping in thin air, for putting together two and two when i know for a fact i had been talked about *and* i don’t see any other explanation than talking-behind-my-back for how some of the rude/mean things even reached me the way they did. anons that mysteriously sound exactly like the people who were being rude/mean and part of the same group? ppl replying to me just to be rude who supposedly don’t even follow me - i’d guess my posts were being linked somewhere? i mean, it’s not a far reach when you know it’s all one same group of people that do talk to each other in private where nobody can speak for me. i’m open to other explanations, but i haven’t been given any.)

also, to be clear because ppl love to make shit up about me:

i dont talk about any of this to insult or shame or whatever. i already talked directly to ppl from the very beginning and talked publically about my opinions and thoughts and this is what made them upset. 

i talk about this because im fucking lost and ssoblr is my only “big” fandom community. i’m really sad to think about leaving, like really really sad. i just don’t know what else to do when the people who hurt me are still here and still acting as if i did something wrong, but not ready to talk to me about it respectfully.

[detective-ws]

i was full of poorly hidden annoyance and i just need to air it out bc the gc i normally ramble in theres something else going on

(this is NOT about anyone i know over here on tumblr /gen)

ugh why do people use the general chat, in a PUBLIC discord server, as dms

im just like, annoyed

there is a chance itll get covered, and they in general they are just WAY less likely to see it

i have to help moderate this chat, but i dont want to see 2 people talking at length about a show with no room for other members to join the conversation (thats the main issue with doing it)

i understand if a conversation starts from general and thus continues there, but @/ing someone and just attaching a link is like ‘??? just do this is dms, please oh my cod’

sorry im just like so annoyed, this has happened multiple times

when i asked the first person to take their messaging the person to dms though they were very nice

the second time the two people (different from the first person) just misinterpreted every single point i was trying to say..

while i am pretty bad at phrasing, but it feels awful to have people seem to constantly not listen to you or not care about what your politely asking/suggesting of them

im a mod, but i dont want to abuse mod privileges, because thats not cool of me, but i have to physically stop myself and force myself to step away (i muted the chat and moved to the second general)

they just continued chatting until one of them had to go, i feel so bad for feeling relieved that they had to go, because they are a known member (we have had many convos and they seem cool) but i feel so relieved right now

i need to get over these things but this members friend (the one who started the convo out of dms in the first place) just wasnt super nice in the beginning and also hasnt really been. i dont dislike them i dont think? but being mean to people as, what i presume to be, a joke, isnt funny from the outside if you dont know they are joking.

also, they just refused to get roles, it bothers me when people dont get a single role, or when people join a server for a SPECIFIC FANDOM, without being in that fandom for no reason other than their friend inviting them

i mean i dont think i hid my annoyance well, but they just responded to my ‘hey you can do that in dms you know’ (they were sending a link unrelated to literally anything that has happened in the server before, to my knowledge, seemingly umprompted) with just justifications. then when i responded with reasons they were constantly misinterpreted

maybe i should just try and learn to phrase things better.. its an issue

sorry i just needed to vent all that to nobody in particular, maybe delete(/private if its possible) this later,, idk

ive been really prone to almost crying today over slight things, maybe a side effect of forgetting my adderall, probably not though. im just more emotional today for some reason, so that may be affecting my feelings on the situation

[majoringinsarcasm]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

1. How many works do you have on A03?

71! I’ve deleted and orphaned a few over the years though.

2. What's your total A03 word count?

491,986

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently on the Ace Attorney train but I’ve dipped into Good Omens a bit, and I’ll never say no to any of my old faves.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. Inside Jokes (MHA)

2. Surprise Party (MHA)

3. Complete The <3 (Haikyuu)

4. And They Were Roommates (Haikyuu)

5. Keeping Up With the Reserve Course (Danganronpa)

And because NONE of those are ace attorney haha the highest kudos fic for that fandom is: the kiss and cry

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to do as many as I can even if I’m late because comments mean a lot to me. I have not replied to every single one but I try my best.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

(currently not finished and posted so this answer will change) Uhhhhh all mine usually have a happy ending with angst being at the start or middle. I guess maybe OH duh

“a fizz and a pop” which is a Crowley pov fic I wrote after the season two finale. “a rumble and a hum” is about equal angst but Aziraphale’s pov and I meant them to be a pair so those two for sure

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of them have happy endings but Happiest in universe is probably Indirect Correlation which is a MikexBill fic taking place in a nobody died AU of the second chapter of the IT movies when they’re all adults. Loved that one and it got lovely reception on the timeline when I shared it. Bike night!!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet. Got some comments that I still don’t know if they were trolls or not

9. Do you write smut?

I do and want to improve.

10. Do you write crossovers?

None currently posted but I had a Free! x Host Club fic way back in the day I ended up deleting. And I want to combine some Ghost Trick characters into an AA fic I’m planning. So I’m not opposed if the mood strikes

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge but I’ve gotten one of those scam “we love your work” comments so who knows.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have not. (I don’t think I dont remember anyone asking unless they did and I’m forgetting and I don’t wanna go check Again I keep flipping back and forth).

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Haha does role playing with friends count? Not yet but maybe someday. I’ve written fics that my friends have inspired and I shared the progress with though. Oh no that’s a lie I have once but it’s no longer around. Hope that person is doing well.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

See this is tricky because I have ships I love that I’ve written about and ships I love that I enjoy without creating for it. I’ll say Hinata and Kageyama from Haikyuu though they are a ship for life.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

All of them uhhhh I have a 10k wip that may never see the light of day about cheating and marriage proposals but we’ll see if that ever becomes a thing.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think when the iron is hot my sentence structure for comparing things is really sharp. I love writing people talking and often Hate having to add the proper fillers in between which is why Way back in the day I loved dialogue only fics. And chat fics / social media I LOVE those.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

If someone told me to describe a setting, room or outdoors doesn't matter, or they would put me in a meat grinder I would just jump in. I have a project that will force me to practice though

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I’ve done my fair share of google translate this phrase in the past but I don’t know how accurate that ever is and I’m not skilled enough in any language other than English to attempt it in a meaningful way

19. First fandom you wrote for?

An RPF / Real Person Fiction “couple” and if you don’t know that’s for the better. (It was not Dan and Phil in case people are trying to guess it was specific and niche and that’s all you’re getting bc it’s no longer posted thank goodness)

But aside from that the first fandom is Free! Iwatobi Swim Club. Miss those boys.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

It’s a toss up between Surprise Party (MHA) and you’re in his recent texts, I’m in his shitty car, we are not the same (Until Dawn).

Surprise Party I feel like is the most fun I’ve had with smut and it’s also my first ever fic someone did a podfic for which was so insane I was buzzing for a week afterwards. And recent text / shitty car I just think it flows so well and captures the personalities of Chris and Josh in a way I really love. Not 100% canon accurate but canon in the scenario I put them in if that makes sense.

This was super fun. I haven’t looked at my stuff via statistics in a long while. Makes me excited for the potential of the new year. Anyone who sees this I encourage you to look up your stuff even if you don’t post about it. Helped me remember some of my old favorites

[punkscowardschampions]

Cali & Marly & Group Chat & Barly

Ali: [Private to Carly, probably the day after the Johnny kiss and leave drama because you’re needing the rest of the day to try and process that]

Ali: I’ve made [some kind of diet treat Carly’s mother would approve of, probably vaguely alcoholic, full hun behaviour, you know the drill] to say thank you to [said mother] I’ll drop them on my route, if that’s cool

Carly: its grand she’ll be 😁🥰🤗 but you know u didnt need to worry yourself saying nothing 💛👼🌟🧚‍♀️✨🐝🌞💛🌻 she loves u its never no bother

Ali: ah this was no bother neither, besides, it was properly short notice yesterday and I wasn’t feeling the 🌞

Carly: 🥺☔️😢🌈

Carly: Im here if you wanna talk about the 🌞💛 going

Ali: I should’ve prepared for it, I thought I had

Ali: he was okay, better than that, even but it still was hard to see, you know?

Carly: I dont reckon theres no preparing for some things baby, much as I hate it for u

Ali: I reckon you’re right 🐇

Ali: and maybe I’m just being judgmental, sure, is he any more out his head than we get when we want or need?

Ali: Just looks different in a hospital

Carly: I shouldve put aside the fear theyd lock me up & come w you, I’m sorry

Carly: Im being a bad friend of late like

Ali: You never are, there’s been lots going on in your 🌍 too

Carly: nothing that matters like you reconnecting w your brother its massive & 🌍🌱

Ali: It should be

Ali: and it is, one of those things you thought would feel bigger and 💗 though, I think

Ali: I’m going to go see him regularly now so

Carly: ah sure it was only the 1st visit though you’ve to give it time for your magic to work is what mine’s saying 💙🔮💜

Ali: I’ll be ready next time, you’re right 🎯

Carly: & I’m serious about coming if youve need of it, phobia or no, ILY more than I could ever be scared

Ali: You’ll make me cry, in my fragile state

Ali: I wish your mum liked better baked goods so you could enjoy them more too now 🥺🥺

Carly: I cant be risking myself going to shit for 🍩🥧🍪🧁 physical state of me is as fragile as your emotional 😅

Ali: You’re perfect, I hope Moses is reminding you

Carly: you’ll make me 😳🍨

Carly: only u cos u know hes not saying things to me like how you are

Ali: but he makes you feel it, or as close to it as any of us do

Carly: he makes me feel alive

Carly: maybe cos hes after killing me most the time ❤️💜💙 idk but still 

Ali: We like alive

Ali: 💀💀💀 only in the good ways

Carly: hes pure class @ them ways, give the lad that

Ali: And he’s still looking after you, how we said, yeah?

Carly: ive not been 🔥💀👻 yet

Ali: Did you tell your ma what was said, what did she reckon about it all?

Carly: sure look we all reckon bb’s full of it 👶😭 she says he’ll calm if go for him next 💚

Ali: I don’t wanna 🌍☄️ but I had heard talking that it might be a bit more serious than that, could be

Carly: nobody grown’s talking, never are or [her mum] would be 🔥💀👻 donkey’s back for her carry on 😅

Carly: its yer man there cos I’ll not tell him hes a ride & I love him

Ali: What if it is about her carry on too, like it’s all being counted now

Carly: my da’s to be counted for us not having been moved on, his 👻 & her craic for what a decent non gorja fella he were 🙃 its k

Ali: Do the elders buy it, like 🌹✨

Carly: ah no but long as he no shows to claim hes true some fella working down the kebab or the like, what are they to say?

Carly: if she don’t have the knowing herself who he is they cant tell her who he isnt

Ali: You’ve a point 🤞

Carly: he could be a traveller sure as not 🌹✨ I like to think its so

Ali: He’s left it sos he could be anyone to you

Carly: if only for the wind up of em lads I deserve it

Ali: Serious

Carly: will we talk about yours?

Ali: My daddy?

Ali: I’m not sure I like where that’s going 😆

Carly: you’re gas but u know well I mean your boy there who was after taking you for joe til he wasnt 

Ali: I don’t know what to say about it, or him

Carly: you could start yourself on whats the meaning of the one way cos you didnt walk to [the name of the place where the psych ward is]

Ali: We got that far, like

Ali: can’t make much chit-chat on a bike going [whatever ‘cos undoubtedly you’re speeding, not meant to be on it anyhow at your age]

Carly: & he got himself 😤😠 over what when yous came off for being there?

Ali: God, nothing more tragic than recounting your failed attempts at flirting, is there? 😶💀

Ali: That was before, then we left it, he said he’d still take us but he shouldn’t of

Carly: I’m sorry he dont know you’re perfect or how 🐇🍀🌠 hes youve an eye for him out of everyone u could have your pick of

Ali: I know it’s stupid, how much he hates us but he doesn’t stick to it, my head is still spinning

Carly: hes ✂️ from same cloth as mosey to be sure, my god that boy hates me til he dont I feel 😵‍💫 its work making him like me at all

Ali: at least you’ve found a way, I feel clueless now 

Carly: your body isnt gonna be the thing for johno, well it is but he wont say thats as true as it is for any lad, he’ll act hes 😤😠 if you send him pics or throw yourself his way 

Ali: He threw his self at me 

Ali: then he was really 😤😠

Carly: oh now theres sense

Ali: Shall we just run away and never think about them again?

Carly: away w ye for 💭 youll let him win

Carly: hows he to get what he wants & not you? I reckon not, baby, we’ll be staying 🌼🌻

Ali: 😣

Ali: Ack, it was so good

Carly: I know, I felt your 😣 before u put it there

Ali: He’s after being good, doing what he needs to do

Carly: ah, it’s a con, hes allowed to fuck gorja girls morning to night, theyre all allowed to do as they please from cradle to grave its only the girls who cant

Ali: Then he’s just not after me 😒🤕

Carly: its that hes after stopping the others being w me & he cant if hes on you

Carly: its my fault im sorry 

Ali: He shouldn’t be so concerned with telling them their business, that’s him, not you

Carly: hes always reckoned im a manky wagon idk, that’s on [her mum] maybe, but she’d be sorry for it to u too if she had the knowing

Ali: Please don’t, this has got to stay between us only 🔒

Carly: 😶🤞💛 id never say a word to hurt u or stand against something youre after

Carly: id rid myself of my 👅 1st & ive much need of it

Ali: I can’t have that

Ali: ✂️ away, it’s all his loss, not ours

Carly: what are we to do then?

Ali: 💭☁️👻🦷🤍

Ali: Party

Carly: grand ive caught the 🌞 enough to look unreal in 🤍

Ali: I don’t mind looking ghostly and fading into the background

Carly: oh please you could never fade & yer man john boy isnt gonna have you reckoning its so

Ali: if he’s a 🐺 Ro is like, a husky

Carly: hes a 🐜 sorry

Ali: ☹️ ughhh

Carly: you can pick what moses is to 🌻😁🌞💛 yourself some idc

Ali: 🦟 is the only suitably rude comparative 

Carly: I love it 😅

Carly: he does make me 🩸🍓❤️ sure enough

Ali: Are we to be ashamed of our awful taste 👅 

Ali: I’m all scuffed and scraped and I just want to see him again so badly 

Carly: Shames for folk like your poor daddy who’ve no say being born to it & keeping it in em 💔🙏📿⛪️💔 you’re wild & free 🐅🧡

Carly: we’ll get him for u 💜🔮💙 he wants it as bad theres no for proper y not

Ali: I don’t know but being wild and free will help me get over it otherwise 🐅🧡

Ali: don’t need to force it 🧘‍♀️

Carly: ive known the boy forever I know what he likes its why he hates me this much

Ali: We’re the same, in his 👀🌍 

Carly: he wishes but he cant 👀 u like that cos we’re not & hes 😤😠😡

Ali: You’re great, he’s an idiot

Carly: hes not wrong for that 💭

Carly: I’m 🌚 to your 🌞

Ali: 🌇🌃

Ali: Can I stay when I swing by? I’m doing nothing here except over💭

Carly: u dont ever need to be asking

Ali: Usually but I’m 😣😖 rn

Carly: its k ill 💭 how to calm you down

Ali: 🍃💚

Carly: on your 🚲 w ye 🧚🏼‍♀️💚

Ali: 💨💨

Carly: [just putting a note here that we’re doing a timeskip so it’s some time before Ronan’s bday not immediately after the convo we just did or when we read it back in the future we’ll be like ?? what]

Carly: u @ work still?

Moses: thereabouts

Carly: 🥺 til when?

Moses: Don’t know, not like wes work to a schedule or to anyone’s pockets but our own

Carly: yea k true

Moses: then we’re going out, it’s [some club night, idk]

Carly: wes being only the lads is it?

Moses: Not the elders, like

Moses: except for [the cringe uncle, we all know the vibes]

Moses: You wouldn’t get in anyway

Carly: i’m not after the - craic from [cringe uncle] you’re grand 😅

Moses: That I am 👍

Carly: later then like 

Moses: Don’t wait up

Carly: tell your mammy that one there

Moses: I don’t still live with mine

Carly: mine would get us in

Moses: I’m after her craic just as much

Carly: i got you, boy unless weve 💪🍆 youre not after us coming

Moses: No one is after taking lasses to the club, just taking ‘em home

Carly: how I said ⬆️ ive worked out what the craic is

Moses: Your mam ain’t it

Carly: she’ll be 💔🥺💔😢💔😭💔 youre her fave 

Moses: Like you, she don’t have them

Carly: ah sure u know youre mine too

Moses: Give over

Carly: why are u giving out about it? u like it

Moses: That’s not what we are, let’s not play that game

Carly: idk why u want what we are is to be us not liking each other

Moses: we like each other for what we need to

Carly: yea & youre giving me what I need so youre my fave

Moses: When I’ve got nothing or no one better on, ‘course

Carly: k no its your turn to give over cos i drop what I’ve on for you all the time

Moses: yeah and you wanna, not asking you more than once

Carly: yea I wanna cos I like you y are u 😤😠 @ me for it today?

Moses: I’m busy

Carly: sorry ill 👋💙 til youre less 🌺🐝🍯

Moses: [just don’t respond rudely]

Carly: [he’s a charmer, go have your own fun girl either with Ali or with Drew and Caleb or all of the above, you’ll be posting about it making him mad but not to make him mad, not even for his benefit really cos we’re trying to be chill about this and keep busy too]

Moses: [when you always do the wrong thing, god bless girl, love that for you]

Carly: [hope you’re FUMING sir, couldn’t be more deserved]

Moses: [setting up the lovely atmosphere for this party nicely mwahaha]

Carly: [poor Ronan, between Moses and Johnny that’s half these lads that don’t wanna be at his bday]

Moses: [I imagine this is standard, someone’s always got beef with someone, you just don’t know why until Moses just tells you he’s bored of Carly and throws her at you]

Carly: [clearly these boys are always kicking off at each other about something the way these type will]

Moses: [mhmm, god bless the mess, constant source of drama]

Moses: [anyway, hi groupchat at Ronan’s party, here we go]

Moses: Birthday boy, where are you 🎁

Ronan: [Wherever he is], me and Ali… 

Ronan: should I be legging it from this 🎁 of yours?

Moses: Best get rid of her, you’ll like it but you won’t want the audience 

Ronan: Do I even like the sound of it? 

Moses: Come on, you can’t be a baby about it now, big man

Ronan: Ah, what’s going on, to be sure I don’t know what you’re giving a lash here

Moses: Presents are meant to be surprises, play the game

Ronan: Yeah, true enough, I’ll play

Moses: Go on over to my trailer, everyone’s been booted ‘cept 1

Ronan: [when he is just gonna go because bless this boy he’s a bit slow on the uptake here]

Moses: [me like God I hope you went alone]

Ronan: [I feel like he would’ve because he was told to, oh boy I’m so soz that this is occurring, like you could say no, Carly isn’t gonna force you THAT hard but still]

Moses: [you know if you walked out immediately that he’d know/Lord knows who else would know you hadn’t done it and this is peer pressure as we can all see here]

Moses: You’re welcome, brother

Ronan: [also he wouldn’t wanna reject Carly like that cos they are friends and she was his first kiss when they were younger as Carly said so walking out immediately like ew no would be brutal, and yeah, the peer pressure and pisstaking would feel worse and last longer than just getting this over with from his POV]

Ronan: Thanks a million, Mosey boy

Carly: no need to say it to me too & make yourself 😳

Moses: As you can see, you’ve done us a massive favour too 👌👌

Carly: wow 😍🥰😘

Carly: thanks I get from u there boy

Moses: You got yours 

Carly: yea, your brother is glad of my massive favours idk how hes been raised better than you 😅

Moses: Give him chance to go get something better, he’s had five minutes 🍒

Ronan: Come on, give over will yous 

Carly: im sorry ro, mosey has no party spirit idk where hes left it like

Moses: Don’t be speaking for me

Moses: You enjoy your party, kid

Carly: ❤️😶💙 then you can stop being after falling out w me both of yous

Ronan: I’m not, Carls

Moses: There you go

Carly: there I go, yea 🥳🎀🎊✨🎉🎆🎇

Moses: s’good thing you’re not kept around for your brain

Carly: whats the damage w yours?

Moses: How off her face was you mam whilst you were inside her, it’s genuinely not possible to be this thick and not a little special with it, Christ

Carly: go & ask her as youre on one to ruin the party so bad

Moses: I’d sooner pluck my eyes out than talk to that woman

Carly: 🙄 & you tell me I lay it on thick

Moses: If anyone at this party liked either of yous, they’d send you both home

Ronan: Quit this carry on, can’t yous both? As a favour to me

Carly: do you want me away home, ro? 

Ronan: You’re grand where you are, but what’s the need to be giving it out & slagging each other, eh?

Carly: I’m sorry for proper, its your bday & this is - craic

Moses: Because she is one, and that’s the only reason she’s ever been tolerated anywhere

Moses: I’m not here to play pretend but you use her ‘til it’s boring, that was the 🎁

Bartley: [Private to Carly after this group chat of delight]

Bartley: Did you go home?

Carly: go on & tell me yourself too I was waiting for it

Bartley: was just going to tell you I saw them driving off in [one of the older lad]’s van

Bartley: so, you don’t have to, if you don’t want

Carly: whats to stay for ive been opened thats all any of yous want

Bartley: Not everyone, don’t be such a bighead about it, like

Carly: johno dont count & its everyone but that lad

Bartley: not everyone was in that group chat and not everyone wants to ride you

Carly: k there I am told again

Bartley: God, I’m just trying to help

Carly: why

Bartley: That was pretty embarrassing

Carly: you know ive no shame, I’ll be grand

Bartley: It’s not optional, you always say it like it is

Carly: wasnt optional for a girl like me to have none, what they say

Bartley: my point exactly

Bartley: Anyway, Ronan did say you could stay, even if he didn’t stand up for you

Carly: yea, what I’ve no got in shame I make up for in other shit

Bartley: I don’t want to hear about it

Carly: sure, you didn’t open your mouth neither

Bartley: and say what?

Bartley: You did do it, he’s the one you did it with, it should be him if it’s anyone

Carly: sure look idk youre here saying u wanna help me now when it dont matter

Bartley: I was just telling you you didn’t have to go hide and cry

Carly: you would say that

Bartley: what are you on about?

Carly: your go next, we can do it rn if you want

Bartley: I told you not everyone wants you, shut up

Bartley: sure, isn’t Ro your boyfriend now

Carly: come on, none of yous can be my bf even if he was after it being like that & hes not

Bartley: That doesn’t mean you have to act out like that

Carly: everyones forgot w how theyre acting but its a party 🥳🎀🎊✨🎉🎆🎇

Bartley: and you’re not a gift

Carly: youre not opening me, youve said

Bartley: Why would you let them do that

Carly: its his bday

Carly: ali not dont mean he should stay 🍒 if he dont want

Bartley: so you just, be what he says you are, that’s your grand scheme to get out of feeling a giant eejit over it all

Carly: I’m not sorry unless ro wants me to be & says it

Carly: i was his first kiss why shouldnt i be his first for this too

Bartley: ‘cos you didn’t want him to be your first, he’s not as stupid as he looks

Carly: nor am I but ali dont want him to be hers

Carly: he couldve waited it werent like I held him down, how am I to when hes least twice the size of me?

Carly: but no, wes friends so he did it, best me over some random girl moses decides instead

Bartley: How, how’s it better it’s you?

Bartley: It’s been how long and you’re already moving on, trying to, why would anyone want it to be you when you’re like that

Carly: he trusts me, no need for you to bother yourself with doing

Carly: that lad knows I’ll never say nothing about what we did or didnt do, he can say what he likes & be the big man for it or whoever else he’s after people reckoning he is

Bartley: ‘Cept it weren’t your decision, Moses told you to do it and then told everyone the exact time and location it happened so

Bartley: already proved not true but why would you take any responsibility for that when you can just blame him

Carly: I wouldntve done it only on his say

Carly: I did it cos I like ro how I told you before I like all of yous

Bartley: You act stupid so blame can go the same way as shame

Carly: blame for what? whatve I done so wrong

Bartley: Just let Moses treat Ro like a little bitch, for tonight

Bartley: it is meant to be a party, haven’t got the rest to write you a list

Carly: I cant get between ro & mosey, none of yous

Carly: idk what would happen to me but itd be no party

Bartley: Aren’t you though?

Carly: how

Bartley: Come on

Bartley: you’ve literally got under them both, how’d you work out that’s a safe and good idea then?

Carly: Moses is done w me & now I’m not safe

Carly: the good ideas to give ro what he wants for his bday hes a decent lad

Bartley: He was never gonna keep you safe

Carly: he said he would, travellers keep to their word, no?

Bartley: sure and what reason would he have to lie

Bartley: A ‘nice’ stereotype is still just that, like sure all black lads LOVE how you’re obsessed with what’s going on in their pants

Carly: sure I know one who does but hey

Carly: you rub your salt in boy idc it already hurts

Bartley: I’m just being honest

Carly: & I was being stupid, no need to worry yourself with the telling of me

Bartley: Someone should

Carly: everyone is, its enough to knock a girl 🤢🤮

Bartley: but not enough to make a girl listen, like

Carly: I can hear you loud & clear

Bartley: hearing ain’t always hearing though

Carly: I’m sorry I’m not a good traveller girl how you & johno wish

Carly: or a gorja girl who’ll go away

Bartley: trust me, no one wants you to be one of us

Bartley: least of all him

Bartley: Just don’t be a bad person, not much to ask of anyone, surely

Carly: I didnt know I was a bad person until yous all started saying

Bartley: I never said you was the only one I know

Carly: least however alone I feel tonight im sure in good company there now

Bartley: Come on now

Bartley: sites full

Carly: but I wasnt supposed to join em even if I couldnt for proper beat em, not for the crime of liking people

Bartley: Have you ever had a friend? You know this isn’t what you do with them, yeah

Carly: theres no sense in that youre to have fun w your friends, make them 😁

Carly: give em gifts on their bday

Bartley: Friends do not fuck

Carly: fwb has it there 1st letter

Bartley: This isn’t America, or a romcom

Carly: k he isnt my friend, you 😁?

Bartley: He is though

Carly: yea

Carly: what am I to say? I was trying to help him

Bartley: right…

Carly: you think I’m full of it, I know, like

Bartley: He wasn’t about to die

Carly: it didnt feel life or death before moses started his gobbing off, it was just a fuck

Carly: havent you done it?

Bartley: I don’t put my business about like that for a reason

Carly: I’m not gonna shout it about to nobody, no friends to if you dont believe us for no other reason

Bartley: Why would I tell you, or anyone?

Bartley: it’s meant to be private, my point

Carly: I’d keep it private, mine 😶💚

Carly: but I’m only asking to ask if you loved every girl you did it with

Bartley: Why, you think that’s impossible?

Carly: no but you’d be the 1st Ive met

Carly: Id have to get you a present, something proper good not me offered up again

Bartley: not going to convince me but a good attempt there

Carly: if you dont want it i dont, I said, I’m not forcing nobody

Bartley: Okay, okay

Bartley: I didn’t accuse you of nothing proper

Carly: still loads of time, have your fun bb

Bartley: Quit your crying yet?

Carly: my business & youd hate me to put it about

Bartley: Ha ha, funny girl

Carly: 🤡

Bartley: You don’t look that shocking

Carly: u cant see how I look 👀🩸❤️

Bartley: true enough

Bartley: Hope you can wash your face wherever you’re hiding

Carly: idc everyone knows I’m 👿💔

Bartley: Oh right

Bartley: sympathy drinks

Carly: I might or I might b off home when I can see

Bartley: not got far to go

Bartley: nor no motor to be driving into anything

Carly: 🌳🚗 s’bit much unless ronan hates me as much himself

Bartley: Of course he doesn’t, calm down

Carly: then I’ll live to be whoring another day

Bartley: Least whores get paid, think on

Carly: i get paid in 😍🥰😘 catch yourself on

Bartley: is it now?

Carly: can’t tell you its private

Bartley: Group chat will have to find something else to be about

Carly: yea, if youve ideas 👂💚

Bartley: Someone’ll do something worse before night is over, no worries

Carly: id feel bad 🙏 

Carly: for loads of reasons, before you get in there to say it about us 1st

Bartley: I was 😶

Bartley: Your guilty conscience, obviously

Carly: 😶 myself on the state of any part of me

Bartley: What’ve you done?

Carly: I’m grand

Bartley: Definitely not

Carly: grand enough for home

Bartley: Are you going to make your ma go with?

Carly: k not that grand, sorry

Bartley: Fine, your pal then, where’s she?

Carly: idk

Bartley: I can find herr

Carly: ro probably has again let em be

Bartley: He should be looking for you

Carly: how you 👀🌎💭 is cute, boy

Bartley: Whatever, I’ll tell him you’re crying and he’ll feel bad

Carly: ah dont you be doing it, hes not to feel bad

Bartley: Why not?

Carly: he isnt in the wrong

Bartley: I’ve already told you that’s you

Bartley: but idk why I bother

Carly: yea then y would you be after making him feel bad

Bartley: I’m not but he’d come find you if he did, idiot

Carly: idc i dont want him to like

Bartley: you was after letting him inside you and now you can’t talk to him?

Carly: & say what?

Bartley: Assumedly he’s going to have some shit to say, if you’re in the state you said you were

Carly: he can when Im in less of one if hes bothered

Carly: its not what tonight is about

Bartley: fucking suit yourself then

Carly: quit having sense, I’m not used to it from you 😵‍💫

Bartley: Ha

Bartley: so who’s gonna believe you

Carly: nobody never

Bartley: Charming

Carly: sorry, I meant cos of it coming from me

Bartley: Ah, well, ‘course

Carly: 😶💚

Bartley: That’d be the day, like

Carly: u talked to me im never starting it

Bartley: so

Bartley: I just wanted to take the piss, who wouldn’t after that group chat

Carly: k 💚

Bartley: Shut it

Carly: more like it

Bartley: You take everything too far

Carly: where else am I to take it for a party? 

Bartley: It’s Ronan’s 12th, it’s not [a more dramatic and special event, idk but you know the vibe lol]

Carly: summers almost over

Bartley: and you’re back to school, little girl

Carly: sure, you’re no older than us 👶

Bartley: Old enough not to bother with that, and I am, a bit

Carly: old enough not to make the most 🌞🌚 has u acting up like youre some old fella down the pub 🍻😅

Bartley: just ‘cos you’re upset Mosey would rather be there than with you

Carly: more if u dont have the knowing life’s magic

Bartley: It ain’t, yours especially isn’t

Carly: 👴🍺🚬

Bartley: You think you’re amazing

Bartley: any of them have 10x the sense you have

Carly: sure look, I know what you think

Bartley: You reckon

Carly: u tell us your opinion of me every time we talk

Bartley: I ain’t allowed to have one, is it?

Carly: just idk why youve to keep on @ me w it

Bartley: stop being so dumb and I won’t have to, girl

Carly: stop troubling yourself about me

Bartley: I don’t

Bartley: not all of us think acting like we don’t care about anything will make us cool and everyone will want us around

Carly: care about things, but u know I’m not worth being one

Bartley: yep

Carly: k well later 💚

Ali: [Private at Carly]

Ali: Where is he

Carly: ro? idk I 💭 he was w you

Ali: No, Moses, I’ve been looking all over

Carly: off in [that lad’s]s van

Carly: he had his fun @ this party

Ali: Fucking pussy

Ali: Jesus

Ali: how are you, I’m sorry, that’s what I should have been asking first

Carly: he’ll be after staying out of johno’s way when he hears

Carly: ah sure ive had my fun too im home 

Ali: He must not have his phone on him, I only just found mine and it’s near 💀 as per

Ali: Do you want to be alone? 

Carly: charge your phone if you want but the bday boy shouldnt be

Ali: He’s not, despite his absolute cunt of a brother bailing, there’s still loads of people here

Carly: youre his fave though you cant be taking yourself off too

Ali: You’re important too, and no I’m not, he likes you too

Ali: are you okay?

Carly: ive only now quit my 😢😭 youll have us going again if youre nice to me

Ali: That’s why I was going to deal with him instead but he’s run away

Ali: I can’t be mean to you

Carly: leave it to johno I cant let you get hurt cos of me & moses

Carly: youre too important yourself

Ali: I won’t get hurt, don’t worry

Carly: no I am, I know what hes like

Ali: Okay, I won’t go find him

Ali: but he’s an absolute disgrace

Carly: you’re not to go near him, promise

Ali: I promise, entirely for your sake, not mine and definitely not his

Carly: I can’t 💭 about it rn i’ll 🤢🤮 again too

Ali: No, don’t, it’s not worth it

Ali: nothing is going to be made sense of now

Carly: ive no sense

Ali: It was just cruel

Carly: I knew it was coming him being done w me idk why I listened to him about this

Carly: to my way of thinking it was a decent 🎁 for the boy before they all got in my head for it

Ali: Do you want me to check on Ro

Ali: without him knowing I am, obviously

Carly: yea maybe idk

Carly: I didnt force him but moses & the to be a big man of it all was to get in his head too

Ali: Who would do that to their brother, it’s so wrong

Carly: he only cares for himself

Carly: but Im almost as bad

Ali: Come now

Ali: no you’re not, you didn’t force him, of course you didn’t

Ali: Moses manipulated you into thinking it was a good idea though

Carly: we said he werent ready to do it, I knew that & i went for it still

Ali: but was he?

Carly: he did but I take everything too far hows he to tell me no

Ali: I’m gonna talk to him, okay

Ali: and I bet he’ll say it was alright

Carly: he would say that hes not after hurting me

Ali: I can get to the truth though

Carly: its your magic

Ali: It will be okay

Ali: I’ll talk to him and I’ll make sure it is

Ali: and I’ll make sure Johnny beats him up super hard for everyone, yeah

Carly: theyll kill each other

Carly: & ill have to lay myself proper low

Ali: it’s clear whose idea it was, neither of them can act the fool on that

Ali: Moses was too drunk or too thick to think that one through when he was running his mouth

Carly: too proud of himself

Carly: but Johno already hated me before this idk whats to happen

Ali: Just stay home

Ali: I’m going to find one of them, eventually

Carly: k 💛

Ali: Trust me?

Carly: yea

Carly: if friends dont fuck youre my only one

Ali: who said that one?

Carly: 1 guess

Carly: who always needs his say about me 

Ali: Oh Bart…

Ali: he knows it’s less than nothing to do with him

Carly: he was almost nice to me though 😵‍💫

Ali: He only pretends nasty sometimes, usually he just misses the mark with the joke though

Ali: I’m glad someone is being nice

Carly: he might find you, I said no but he dont listen the best to nobody & not to me ever, sorry

Ali: he can help me look

Ali: he’s not being avoided as hard as I am

Carly: what a party, like

Ali: Boys, right 🙄

Carly: 👶😭

Ali: I’ll come see you later, check in

Carly: if you see [her mum] avoid bringing her with, I can’t tonight

Ali: 👻 promise

Carly: 💛👼💙

[survivor-trinidad-and-tobago]

Episode 12: "michael and alex and i are FULLY FUCKING VIBING like can we just get an escape pod to leave the game together"—Kaleigh

In this round: Michael is considered a traitor for flipping on an alliance where nobody asked for his input; Champ goes all the way in Masochism, earning her a slew of disadvantages, including the reveal of her Hot Giiiirrrlllzzzz alliance with Zee and Jack; Zee gets immunity by proxy; an anesthesia-addled Michael shares the details of his chaos idol with his alliance a half hour before tribal and they manage to decode it, using it to flip the vote onto the majority alliance; eman tries to vote herself but in lieu of that, volunteers to go to Purgatory

Eman

Earlier today, I sent the following message to the VL.

"Ugh, the ETHICS of it all!"

I was torn between three votes: Michael, Alex, and Colin.

Michael was the obvious vote - he betrayed EVERYONE (on our side).

Colin was the strategic vote - and also an absolute snake-in-the-grass.

Alex - Alex was the vote causing me angst. I wanted to keep my word to him. I did. Not just because I don't like striking first (which is terribly gendered behavior and I need to get over it) but also because I just do. As I've said before I wanna play a heroes game.

But here's the deal, yo! And I've said it before.

I'm not gonna strike first, but I will strike back. (And this goes double when it's someone I care about)

Now, obvs. I forgave Jack for two reasons. 1) Cuz he's playing to my ego and calling me 'auntie' and I'm a superficial slut and 2) because I truly believe the guy doesn't have a malicious bone in his body and he got played.

I will also add that I obviously would've had an issue voting against (for?? what preposition works here) Kaleigh as well even if she hadn't been immune.

(SIDENOTE - Fuck me with a rusty pocket knife I just read the challenge)

But - Kaleigh and Alex voted against me here . . . and that means all bets are off. I didn't write their name before, and I wouldn't've, but I have no problem doing so now. Probably moreso Kaliegh than Alex as she stole my 1/2 an extra vote (albeit Alex told her about it).

I like when previously difficult ethical dilemmas are rendered easy. So thanks, ya'll.

Alex

I am 0 for 3 in trusting my gut this week and if I were even 1 for 3 I would be in such a different spot in this game. So that kind of sucks to think about. Kaleigh has an idol and if I was right with my intuition on Eman MAYBE there's still hope but it doesn't feel like anyone from the other side is gonna try and shake things up (or talk to me today LOL) who knows what will happen. Whatever. The chat between me, Kaleigh, and Michael last night was the most fun I've had in this game so far so I'm glad that happened before one of us potentially goes.

Jack

Kaleigh

god this game.. zee got a steal a vote and stole michael’s vote and jack lied and said he didn’t have a vote (i think he’s lying cuz tony said he didn’t have a vote and jack claims he found out DURING the vote, which i do not see being something the hosts doing). michael and alex and i are FULLY FUCKING VIBING like can we just get an escape pod to leave the game together LMFAOO i fully would!!! so i’m gonna have to tell the boys that i have a steal a vote, probably tell michael i have an idol… idek this game is giving me brain worms. i dont know who to vote for tn bc A) two people are gonna be immune (probably on their side) and whoever wins immunity is probably going to have some unknown slew of disadvantages, one of which may be losing their vote. SO. i have to be careful about how i play STEAL A VOTE. and i have to try and figure out if i can use my idol in a smart way. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!! maybe i should ask my host chat if i can build a spy shack á la tony in cagayan.

i love alex and michael, i’m saying that straight up so JOT THAT DOWN FOR THE EDGIC. champ i feel uncertain about, i know she has lied to me about multiple things, zee i WISH i could work with again but i don’t think we’ll ever be able to trust each other. but who knows man. we chatted yesterday and she lied to me about some shit and may have been honest about some shit. she said she didn’t know about emans advantage that i stole LMAO but idk idk. eman i don't feel good about at all. god fuck, i do not wanna go home tonight! i need to be able to talk to alex every day or i will die!! i need to be able to talk to michael about tv!!! well we can’t actually scheme until we know who’s immune so. time to let go and let GOD

Tony

Things are getting dicier as the game continues on. I’m gonna have to make a choice to flip but tonight is not the night to do it especially with the amount of disadvantages I’ve got going on. Michael has saved me once so I feel like I owe him at least to know if folks are gunning for him.

Zee

See, people think I'm not perceptive, or that I don't notice things, but my anxious ass is constantly thinking. I'm pretty sure that I'm the one being left out of the most conversations happening in this game right now. The only (active) alliance chat I'm in right now is Hot Girlz, but it's late in the game, there's definitely more Alliance chats out there, and aside from the fact that I need to step up my game, it's kind of making me think about who's aligning with who. Right now I'm pretty sure Tony and Michael are working together still, it's smart too since nobody would expect them to be working together, and it means Tony would have the power to flip whenever he wants. Eman and Champ and Tony i think are working together closer than she's leading me to believe, but only because nobody but Champ told me about Tony losing a vote, so she had to know somehow. This has got me thinking that I'm gonna have to step up my gameplay and maybe choose my loyalties a bit better. Obviously Kaleigh Michael and Alex are working together still, but everybody kind of knew that already.

--

I think i need to put in more work with the rest of the tribe, and maybe get some alliances going, since I'm not in a great position right now. I'm honestly not in too many alliances and that's kinda upsetting. Kaleigh and I have a weird Romeo and Juliet thing going on where we're both in opposing alliances but we're still talking tea about past shit or cool stuff the others have done during tribal or just in the game in general. I'm hoping maybe there's the chance for she and I to start working together again, but who knows.

Eman

Okay, let's think this through because I have nothing else to do between now and my 9AM flight and I may have had one-too-many cans of wine.

Given: There's no way to win this challenge.

Proposition: I have to get the least worst option.

We are now at 8.

People I am pretty sure are "on my side"™️ - Zee - Champ - Tony

People on "the other side"™️ - Michael - Alex - Kaleigh

Here's where things get interesting. Jack is a free agent though I think he's burned his bridges mostly because he was played and who would like that. BUT at the same time he might be aware he's on the bottom on his alliance.

And Colin is in purgatory and I wouldn't put it past him to send a disadvantage if not to me to my side.

So, what's a human to do.

Option A - fuck immunity, pray you wind up in purgatory where you can either send advantages to your side or fuck up the other side because you sure as shit don't wanna wind up on the jury, but at the same time it's pretty certain you're going to be voted out if somehow "The Other Side"™️ can garner enough votes.

Option B - Fight like hell for immunity and take whatever stacked disadvantages come with it. Even if those stacked disadvantages mean losing your vote. Even if those stacked disadvantages mean potentially fucking yourself over for future rounds.

Now. . . wouldn't it be funny if "The Other Side"™️ knows that you're fighting like fuck for immunity . . . because, after all a) you need it and b) you're the type of person who will fight like hell and c) you're also the type of person who will fight like hell for their people and the prospect of a SECOND immunity is extraordinarily tantalizing.

So, in order to try to rob you of that advantage someone on "The Other Side"™️ also steps up.

And wouldn't it be funny if I didn't.

And they have, in so doing basically thrown one of their own to the wolves because only one is not immune.

Wouldn't that be funny.

Anyway, I haven't decided what I'm doing yet - because mostly I have to decide where the line between martyr and criminal mastermind lies (somewhere south of "never go up a Sicilian when death is on the line")

And also because then I'll have to immediately decide to whom I'm giving the immunity - a long time ally or a chaotic choice that also seems rational (perhaps Jack as a reward for sticking with me?)

And whether I'm willing to have potential disadvantages from Colin stacked on top of whatever disadvantages I earn in exchange for immunity.

Holy hell.

I think I may have just calmly and rationally talked myself out of going for this immunity. There may actually be far more to lose than to gain, and a lot of my day job includes trying to convince people to not fall for the trap of short-term-ism, which is what this challenge is.

But it's not scheduled until tomorrow afternoon, so I have more than enough time to try to argue myself into another decision . . .

Champ

Again doing confessionals so last minute, anyway LMFAO kinda iconic for 2 immunities right away but yeah I’m for sure Screwed going forward. Hopefully this next vote goes according to plan and there’s not any extra votes or steel votes honestly I would love for a rock draw because I’m safe the end so let’s spice things up. Anyways hope I’m not getting too cocky cause I’m definitely not next.

Tribal Council

Tony: Jack (I hope we get to play again together someday!)

Michael: EMAN (We didn't really get to play together)

Alex: Eman (Again, genuinely a testament to your game that this was the extent we had to go to take you out. I'm glad I got to be a  hero with you for a little while.)

Kaleigh: EMAN (i hope u enjoy ur tripp)

Champ: Eman 

Zee: Eman (as you wish, your sacrifice will not be forgotten)

Eman: Jack (I hope this doesn't work. I wasn't allowed to vote for myself)

Jack: eman

[voidmutt]

i need this to reach the stranger things fandom bc i have no one irl to infodump on and i need someone to tell me if i’m right or if i’m going insane 🙃

i’m gonna sound like a raving lunatic but bear with me. before Joseph Quinn privated his eddie playlist on spotify i screenrecorded the song list for future reference (i like to make playlists for people/feelings its not weird leave me alone ab it) and after looking at all the songs, Mr. Quinn hella privated that playlist for a reason…

The Promise - When In Rome: “If you need a friend, don't look to a stranger. You know in the end, I'll always be there. And when you're in doubt, and when you're in danger, take a look all around and I'll be there.” 

i mean, thats pretty self explanatory. lol

Another Land - Medio Mutante: “And we could walk through the dreams you would see what I mean. I could take your hand in another land.” 

i could be reaching for this one, but “in another land” just makes me think of the upside down.

Collapsing New People - Fad Gadget: “Fated - collapsing new people. Watch them - collapsing.” 

i mean… do i really need to explain this? ChRiSsY WaKe Up!!!

I Ran (So Far Away) - A Flock Of Seagulls: “And I ran, I ran so far away.” 

queue the many times Eddie references how he runs from danger. 

Breaking The Law - Judas Priest: 

i’m not gonna put lyrics for this one bc the entire song is relevant. Our favorite freak is a 20 yo senior in high school, sells drugs to students, on the run as a prime suspect for several murders. do i need to keep going?

Metropolis - Motörhead: “Metropolis, the worlds divide. Ain't nobody on the other side. I don't care, I'm not there.” 

foreshadowing, anyone?

Love Me Forever - Motörhead: “Every way out takes you back to the start. Everyone dies to break somebody's heart.” 

i mean COME ON.

Orgasmatron - Motörhead: “I lead you to your destiny, I lead you to your grave. Your bones will build my palaces, your eyes will stud my crown.” 

this song, these lines specifically, makes me think of Vecna’s POV. 

Stoned Bikers In Space - Black Space Riders: “[…]creatures, looking for a fight. Wanna ride, wanna hide, don't wanna die tonight.” (i cant find any lyrics sites that say whatever theyre saying before creatures and i have poor listening skills without subtitles so F in the chat) 

BUT again, self explanatory.

96 Quite Bitter Beings - CKY: “Footprints giving clue to where we are. All we ever wanted was an answer. Civilized are close but way too far.” 

this reminds me of the scene when Eddie, Steve, Robin, and Nancy are in the upside down communicating with Dustin and the gang. i dont think i need to elaborate further there. lol

Master of Puppets - Metallica: 

not gonna put specific lyrics for this one either, the entire song just sounds like another Vecna POV. 

Flesh Into Gear - CKY: “Flesh into gear, my self appears dissected and pretentious. A simple sound, a heavy side could win the whole world over. You live in fear of being someone that you didn't want to. I realize your insecurities will get the best of you.” 

a simple sound being the plot point of hearing your favorite song to escape Vecna. Your insecurities, the way Vecna preys on your insecurities or your guilt in order to take your life.

War Pigs - Black Sabbath: “Sorcerer of death's construction.” “Time will tell on their power minds, making war just for fun. Treating people just like pawns in chess. Wait till their judgement day comes.” “Begging mercy for their sins.” 

more Vecna inclusion.

The Thing That Should Not Be - Metallica: “He searches, hunter of the shadows is rising. Immortal. In madness you dwell. Crawling chaos, underground, cult has summoned, twisted sound.” “Drain you of your sanity, face the thing that should not be.”

moooore Vecna inclusion, but from another perspective.

For Whom The Bell Tolls - Metallica:

*gestures violently at the name of the song*

Harvester of Sorrow - Metallica: “Invade their nightmares to see into my eyes, you'll find where murder lies.”

Vecna

Motorhead - Hawkwind: “Fourth day, five day marathon, we're movin' like a parallelogram. Let's go, see you on the only house. Don't move, except they’re gonna kill the lights.”

the parallelogram part may be reaching, but parallel universe, upside down vs hawkins. (also hawkins, hawkwind… is it THAT far of a reach?) only house could be the house Vecna is in in the upside down. they’re gonna kill the lights bc the lights explode when Vecna kills. could be setting something up…

Sad But True - Metallica: 

*gestures at the title once more*

In My Time Of Dying - Led Zeppelin:

do i- do i really have to point it out…

Neon Knights - Black Sabbath: “Circles and rings, dragons and kings, weaving a charm and a spell. Blessed by the night, holy and bright. Called by the toll of the bell. Bloodied angels fast descending, moving on a never-bending light. Phantom figures free forever, out of shadows, shining ever-bright.”

this makes me think of the parallels they all draw from their DnD campaigns and their real world. also another reference to the bell toll.

Creeping Death - Metallica: “I rule the midnight air, the destroyer. Born, I shall soon be there, deadly mass. I creep the steps and floor, final darkness.”

idk why the Metallica songs just come across as Vecna POV’s… but tell me i’m wrong.

The Trooper - Iron Maiden: “You'll take my life, but I'll take yours too. You'll fire your musket, but I'll run you through. So when you're waiting for the next attack, you'd better stand, there's no turning back.” 

this is all assuming Eddie dies in Vol. 2, but this makes it sound like he has a hand in Vecna’s death somehow.

Sabbath Bloody Sabbath - Black Sabbath: “The gates of life have closed on you, and now there's just no return. You're wishing that the hands of doom could take your mind away. And you don't care if you don't see again the light of day.”

again, assuming it’s Eddie that dies, this would just describe Vecna’s curse.

The Last In Line - Dio: “We're off to the witch. We may never, never, never come home. But the magic that we'll feel is worth a lifetime.”

referencing Vecna as the sorcerer in their dnd campaign. 

Seek And Destroy - Metallica: “There is no escape and that’s for sure. This is the end, we won't take any more. Say goodbye to the world you live in. You’ve always been taking but now you’re giving.”

idk how to be more clear about this one

Children of the Grave - Black Sabbath: “Revolution in their minds, the children start to march, against the world in which they have to live and all the hate that's in their hearts. They're tired of being pushed around and told just what to do. They'll fight the world until they've won and love comes flowing through.”

the children of ST come to save the day yet again.

Diary Of A Madman - Ozzy Osbourne: “Sanity now it's beyond me, there's no choice. Diary of a madman.”

“Do you ever feel like you’re losing your mind?” “Uuuhm, you know… just on a daily basis.”

Megalomania - Black Sabbath: “Well I feel something's taken me I don't know where, it's like a trip inside a separate mind. The ghost of tomorrow from my favorite dream is telling me to leave it all behind. Feel it slipping away, slipping in tomorrow. Got to get to happiness, want no more of sorrow.”

another description of Vecna’s curse, more specifically when he’s about to kill you. gotta get to happiness like when Max was hearing her favorite song and thought of only good memories.

Flight Of Icarus - Iron Maiden:

this one seems more metaphorical. The story of Icarus being flying too close to the sun (or fighting against Vecna) resulting in his demise.

Johnny B. Goode - Chuck Berry: “Who never ever learned to read or write so well, but he could play a guitar just like a-ringin' a bell.” 

again, our mans not getting good grades and being held back in school, but MAN can he play guitar (allegedly. just a tiny bit salty we didnt get to hear him play in vol. 1)

Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) - Journey:

JUST. THE TITLE. THE SONG. THE FEELING. THE ENERGY. THE ATMOSPHERE. TELL ME IM WRONG. 

LOOK OKAY. i know this was unhinged and honestly this was a lot longer than i thought it was gonna be and agaaiiinnn. this is all speculation bc i was suspicious of how quickly this playlist was privated and i’m fully aware i’m reading way too far into a fucking playlist. but also you’re gonna look at me and tell me that i’m wrong??? AM I WRONG????? the man told the entire story through SONGS ON A PLAYLIST. my theory is Eddie dies bc of course he does. everyone loves him and we all should know by now that we can’t have nice things ever. OR. he’s about to die at Vecna’s hand when he’s saved, and either gets trapped in the upside down or (assuming the Duffer bros follow through on basing Eddie off Damien Echols) he’s arrested and sent to prison… 

anyway. if you made it this far into this post, hell yeah ily. i didn’t include like half the playlist (if you can believe that) bc they either weren’t relevant (all the love songs bc they didnt show much love interest for Eddie) or i would have just been repeating myself even more than i already was. i would like to shake this man’s mf hand for curating such a well thought out playlist, while simultaneously apologizing for overstepping a boundary he set in place… 😅