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#nobody talk to me im feeling emotions currently
dukeofthomas · 9 days
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Something I really especially love about btas is that every character is just… a human. Batman doesn't just show up and incapacitate 30 people no issue, he has to fight and brawl with just 1 or 2 henchmen. He can be taken out by hits and poisons and such. The rogues have to surrender when the cops get guns to their faces, and can be overpowered even by normal people. Joker isn't some pure evil incarnation of the Devil or whatever, he's just… a really bad man. Same for every other villain and character. And Bruce actually gets to show personality and emotion beyond Brooking and Grunting. He makes jokes and laughs and gets sad.
I'm really getting to understand why people call this the best Batman adaptation.
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mourninglamby · 6 months
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Very very excited to hear u talk more about mortis metamorphosis, u truly were a beacon of light in the depravity of that fandom. I literally remember when u started posting about it and being so excited bc u have been an artist I’ve looked up to for so long!!!! Years and years fr!!!!! Anyway yeah glad you are taking that trainwreck of a story and actually making something Genuine🙏
wow thank you!!! that is truly so sweet i appreciate u sticking around <333
i also want to address this because ive been seeing discourse lately that's got me a little uneasy ... but a lot of what i already have written and want to expand on is based on canon dsmp. it will never be fully separate because the allure of the original (the fucked up shit/character dynamics being a mimicry of real life to an uncomfortable and almost predictive extent) is baked into every bit of content i would go further into detail abt, and im fully aware of that. thats neither good nor bad. it exists and im fascinated by it. im not endorsing them by working on this and anyone who believes i am is a fucking moron and i need to remind myself of this often. its something im deeply insecure about.
my retelling, or "mortis metamorphosis", is like an adaptation from an author who plucked dsmp from public domain. ive thought more about this and i think id keep tagging my work as dsmp along side mortis metamorphosis ... it would feel a bit sneaky to try and claim it all as my own when it belongs to everyone. even if i plan on putting my own spin on it.
what you all must remember is that nobody creating "ocs" out of dsmp characters are doing it out of malice. most of us are just very scared and uncomfortable with whats currently taking place, and dealing with the complicated emotions that go with still finding comfort in this story. thats all ... meow
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genderkoolaid · 7 months
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hi! your blog's been encouraging to me as a trans guy, but i've recently felt that i should no longer call myself that/should just "go back to" being a girl, and idk if my train of thought makes any sense...so i just wanted to ask someone w more experience (but feel free to ignore this rant/call me out if im not making sense btw)
so yeah, my cousin's been out to me as a (binary) trans man for a few years now, and in trying to find understanding, i came out to him a few months later, but got a very flat/kinda disgusted reaction. despite my consistent support for him over the years, he has continued to "joke" about my looks/short hair and dismisses any attempts at serious conversations or even just jokes about gender/being a guy too. he also calls me things ive told him makes me uncomfortable (gender-wise) and then acts like it means nothing. he generally brushes me off by telling me to stop trying to compare myself to him, and is either prickly about it or just in-your-face "idgaf what you're talking about and i'm tired of you." it barely hurts me anymore, but ive felt connected to trans-ness for so many years (longer than id even known he was too) and his reaction to this part of me has honestly made me wonder if i'm just making it up/am trying too hard or something,,,like maybe i'm just trying to cover for being a gross 20-somethings woman ?? idk ?
i'm probably just being over-sensitive, and i dont feel it's outright malicious or anything (maybe he just doesn't think/care about it as much as me?), but i have nobody else to ask (no irl friends/people im out to) and i'm currently renting/living with him, which has brought these worries to the forefront. thanks if youve read this far, but please don't feel pressured to respond!
Your cousin sounds like he has a lot of internalized transphobia he's directing at you. Unfortunately there are trans people who try to prop themselves up and make themselves feel more confident in their transness by tearing down others. You are not being over-sensitive, and regardless of what he thinks he's doing, he's actively being cruel to you. You are well within your rights to be hurt by his actions. Living with someone who is constantly being transphobic to you is traumatizing- detransitioning can be a coping method for those who have to constantly defend themselves from transphobic abuse.
If its possible, I would recommend trying to see if there are any queer orgs in your area you could connect with (physically or online). At the least, you may find some people who can give you emotional support, and they also may be able to find you a better living situation. Even if that's not possible right now, keep reminding yourself that his behavior is cruel and you are allowed to be upset about it. You do not need to take any of his opinions on your gender seriously. You are not making up your transness or trying too hard. You are not over-sensitive, you are being hurt.
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gnc-valentine · 2 months
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Been thinking about Satan angst again !
A/N: So before I yap about this I wanna clarify I’m only on lesson 44 of og and I don’t rlly know what happens story wise beyond that within og, and I only know the story beyond it within nightbringer since I’ve played a good chunk of it. So if I get some shit wrong story wise that is most likely why 🗣‼️ anyways im Gonna blabber now
I was playing the star event today since it was on lonely devil and the end of the story for it was so deliciously sad but even sadder when recognizing that mc is quite literally gonna be taken to the past soon where he won’t see them for god knows how long.
Satan feeling ashamed for lashing out in front of you towards his brothers to the point he’s hiding in his room and trying to push the mc away despite how they’re genuinely worried for him, telling them “you’re the only one who worries about me, but that worry is misplaced and that no good could possibly come from being with me”. All of that is gnarly but in the event it was resolved luckily however those thoughts obviously linger all the time somewhere within him.
Imagine the mc and him having a long heart to heart talk about each other where he eventually lets that all out to them and more. Mc gives him comfort and stays by his side all throughout the night talking through it with him until they both fall into a nice slumber. But then he wakes up and uh oh! They’re not there !! First he assumes they’re running an errand or doing something else within the house but to his surprise and further despair, no one has seen mc. Nobody knows where they are or what has happened. Then suddenly solomon disappears too.
In his eyes it appeared they left him finally, perhaps finally done with his anger and wrath, perhaps afraid. Those thoughts were nowhere near the truth and he has the memories to back it up, however that’s simply not how emotions work. It doesn’t matter wether or not they were sent back to the past or finally did leave him, because In the end they were still gone. Hell it’s even possible that maybe they decided solomon would be a better fit, which he wouldn’t disagree with. Solomon doesn’t have that shameful wrath after all, solomon wasn’t born from anger and wrath, solomon didn’t lash out at people in destructive ways like he did. As the more time passes without them there, he gets more and more upset. He starts feeling more and more shame and hatred towards himself over his sin.
Oh how he wishes mc were here with him worrying about him again.
All done yapping now, apologies if this sounds like shit or completely non sensical, it is currently 5:50 am as I post this and I have to get ready for work in like 10 minutes with no sleep all night bc of this goofy ass special interest. Aughhhhhh I LOVE SATAN HES SO ANGSTY AND DOOMED X333333
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fairytypingg · 2 months
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fuck it we're doing this
RAGEON HCS!!!!!
Velvet;
19
leo(i think thats what i am, idk a lot abt astrology)
7 minutes older and takes it way too seriously
overplans for everything
screams cries crumbles if she doesn't have 100% control over any situation
plays a lot into appearances but is actually a chronic workaholic(gets it from her uncle)
she and veneer were raaised by their uncle actually!!
velvet has a love hate relationship with the music industry, before and after the events of the movie
TRUST. ISSUES.
cannot ever talk about her feelings she'll explode
bottles everything up like im so serious
"i'll keep all my emotions right here. and then one day, i'll die."
she vents frustration by talking mad shit in cs:go lobbies
she's really good at the game
scary good aim because of it, and that DOES transfer to real life
has 97 mental illnesses and is banned from most public spaces/ref
"i inhereted severe generational trauma and all i got was borderline personality disorder"
someone help her
she needs therapy
also autistic <3
Veneer;
19
also a leo
7 minutes younger but only remembers bcs velvet will not let him forget
he seems chill in comparison because velvet is so high strung but he is the most dramatic bitch ever
says really out of pocket shit without thinking
"yeah that's why your parents dont call you then haha- what why are you looking at me like that what did i say"
he's the epitome of unmedicated adhd
probably needs glasses
the only one of the twins with a drivers license
was very outgoing growing up because velvet hated talking to people, so someone had to do it
doesn't rly understand velvet being depressed and thinks shes a drama queen like him
"im tragically doomed by the narrative" "drink water dumbass"
hes morosexual
"if a man can locate mount rageous on a map that man is not my type"
dumb fucking ass
love him, hes just kinda stupid.
Kid Ritz:
20
idk any other zodiac signs use ur imagination
every personality disorder you can think of
emotional manipulation is a sport and he is bringing home the gold
whats wrong with him
the answer is mommy issues. and rampant childhood neglect. also when you're raised as rich as he was you're gonna come out weird
struggled to understand the concept of lying as a child so when be finally got it he retaliated by lying for sport and then never stopped doing that
prefers machines to people
hes one of those "there is a minimum iq requirement to talk to me" guys
not just a talk show host!!
he's well trained to take over his father's political position when the old man retires
current director of public security
he's known as a purveyor of gossip for a reason
the saying goes that nothing happens in the city without his knowledge
hyperintelligent
like genius iq, reading at a college level by age 5, etc
actual child prodigy in every conceivable way
notorious for being "perfect"
he's the face of Ritzworth Media Corp for a reason
evil genius
also lonely
his father is grossly neglectful and his mother is a deadbeat
did i mention he has mommy issues
never met his mom and has devoted a lot of his energy to forming an intelligence network dedicated to finding her
hates people
like very antisocial
struggles HEAVILY with empathy
his interviews are notoriously difficult since he entertains himself by making his interviewees squirm
casual sadist in every conceivable way
What's Wrong With Him/aff
Orchid;
18
use ur imagination again im not gonna look it up
rebelling against common characterization here stay with me
secretive about her past but obviously hiding something
a chameleon type of person, can change her behavior, mannerisms, and even accent at the drop of a hat
carries a deep grief with her
distrusting and calculating
she'll "befriend" you but it takes a lot of effort to actually gain her trust
she WILL discard you if she's even slightly suspicious
nobody is sure what her goal is, but she has an agenda
orchid might not be her real name either
very mysterious
generally presents as kind and friendly but it's noticibly fake
cannot stress how much she is hiding something
capable of murder and not afraid to resort to such to protect her secret
dont look in her closet
she has participated in her fair share of underage drinking and can hold her liquor pretty well, but if you manage to get her drunk enough you may be able to pry some answers out of her
has a distaste for celebrities she doesn't see as beneficial to know
gives like. really good advice
identity issues <3
the song Phony is perfect for her
she moves as if she's used to her hair being longer than it is
what is she hiding?
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pussydestroyer10110 · 9 months
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Note: Thank you for all the support, we will get to all the avatar running around bits soon, in the mean time please help me come up with a title for this series!
P.s thank you @im-kaii for helping me out I've done a successful word count finally
Jake x Avatar!reader x Neytiri
Word count: 1.8k (not edited or proofread)
Chapter 3 - Jake Sully
♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡
The sun rose early the next morning due to the current season on Pandora resembling one like summer. You awoke before the others and peeked out of your hammock, seeing them all littering the floor like a minefield, it would be a hard task to get out.
You silently reach one leg over the edge of the hammock, the material swaying then tipping slightly, giving you a mild heart attack; with both legs now over the edge you carefully eased yourself onto the floor below and grab your satchel along either your footwear. Now it was the challenge of weaving through the room of a dozen other people.
You tiptoe your way over straying limbs and strewn bags, cringing every time your bare foot stuck to the linoleum floor. Finally you were at the heavy door.
It's hinges creaked slightly as you pushed it open but nobody did anything more than stir, breathing a sigh of relief you put your shoes on and make your way back towards the link room.
In the room you had set up one of Jake Sully's first video logs - the one which he described the first time he became his avatar - for some unknown reason you found the ex-marine's blunt instructions the easiest to follow. Pressing play on his narrative account you sit back in the chair and watch as he shows an emotion other than boredom for the first time, all because he could use his legs once more.
His slight detailing of the experience gave away his enthusiasm and it was almost endearing to watch.
Once the video ended you approach the chamber that will let you link with the avatar, you open the bed and touch the jelly like substance before fiddling with the skeleton shaped network of wires. You couldn't link just yet due to needing supervision. However, Norm had told you the night before to speed up the process more you could drain the fluid from the tank your avatar was in and then the scientists would take your avatar off to a preparation room of sorts.
Going over to your avatar you gently run your hand along the smooth glass before attaching a tube to the thick valve beneath the tank, once attached the liquid protecting your avatar began to drain.
You watched as the water level began to drop, the ebony hairs of your avatar swaying slightly in the moving water before clinging to the damp avatars body.
Your avatar now laid limp at the bottom of the tank but thankfully a few scientists got the alert of the tank being drained and came to take the tank away making the once crowded room feel twice the size. Checking the time it was now 8am meaning the residents of the lab began to wake.
After a while you finally emerged from the room, locking the heavy duty door behind you.
The same people from last night were sat back down around the pop up table with the same chef cooking up a breakfast. Norm saw you and quickly waved you over, patting the seat next to him.
“So I heard you've started to prepare your avatar”
He says, seeming genuinely excited on your behalf, you smile in return.
“Yeah I drained the tank and the scientists took her away”
You were excited, anyone would be in your position. Right now you viewed your avatar as a separate being, as if it were a creature just sleeping, instead of a shell entirely dependent on your subconscious.
“Eat up, it's a long day ahead of you”
Norm happily commands, pushing a plate of what looked to be a Na'vi impersonation of bacon and eggs. You thanked him before eating the food and engaging in small talk with the rest of the crew, finally learning the names of the people you've shared the past conscious 24 hours with.
The meal was soon finished and a chime came from what looked like an old pager in Norm's shirt pocket. He turned to you with a smile.
“Your avatar's ready”
----------
You looked through the glass and saw the large, blue version of you lying on a hospital bed, wires coming off her like she was prey in a spiders web. Norm was next to you, a comforting hand on your shoulder.
“Jake's just arrived, he wants to run you through everything before you go in”
He says and you turn to him, a nervous look on your face. It felt almost taboo knowing you had a plethora of information on him, having watched his videos throughout the past day and now he was going to see you for the first time.
“Where is he?”
You ask sceptically, the mental battle of whether to feel nervous or excited wreaking havoc on your mind.
“Just in one if the lounges”
You forget Norm had known this man for years, an old friend of sorts. The lounges were an unknown place to you as you had only really been in 3 rooms throughout your so far short stay so Norm led you to the one he was on about and stopped outside the closed door.
“Just be calm and friendly and you'll be fine”
He reassured, Norm truly was an amazing friend, always sensing when you needed a bit of comfort.
With a deep breath, you watch Norm open the heavy door revealing the nearly 10ft man inside.
Both of you walk in and you look up at the familiar stranger: he was massive, a dusky blue with navy markings and white freckles, he was wearing a cross between native and humanised clothes with the most obvious feature being a large machine gun instead of a more primal weapon. Despite his rough exterior he greeted you with a smile, sticking his hand out for you to shake.
You were intimidated and in awe. You looked up at him with wide but calculating eyes before staring at the sizable palm displayed to you.
You snap out of your trance and gently place your hand against his, yours was dwarfed making it look as if you were a child discovering your mother's hand for the first time.
“Sorry, I'm just a bit starstruck if that's the right word”
You apologise nervously, a breathy chuckle escaping you.
“It's alright, the first time I saw these blue things striding around I wasn't much better”
He said, releasing your hand. It was now that you could hear the same voice from all those video logs coming from a very different, bluer version of Jake Sully. Was it strange to say you found him slightly attractive?
“I heard you're going to show me the ropes”
You say, diminishing the remaining tension.
“Yep, although my teaching skills might be a bit rusty if not nonexistent”
You both chuckle at that and he runs you through what's going to happen during and after your link with the avatar.
“I'll start you off as well, can you take us to the link room?”
You nod at his request and push open the door for you followed by his hulking figure. The walk to the link room was quiet and comfortable despite you two not knowing each other for long, thankfully due to the avatar programme this building was built for all those years ago, the ceiling accommodated his inhuman size.
“Does it feel weird, showing me how to do something you obviously haven't bothered with in years?”
You ask, filling the silence.
“It's a bit of a change, I'm used to tribe life now and I'm sure one day you will be too”
He says and you look over at him in slight shock.
“I didn't think I'd be doing anything involving the tribe life?”
You questioned, you wanted to, of course you did, but you were under the illusion that your job was to report on scientific discovery. Jake looked down at you, the striking gold of his eyes causing your own to gaze admiringly.
“Can't have a little old scientist wandering around on her own now can we?”
He rhetorically asked. It felt nice knowing you weren't just going to be alone in the forests during your stays.
“Besides Neytiri wants to meet you, she doesn't trust easily and wants to make sure you're safe enough to be roaming around their forest”
He says with a chuckle. You had heard of Neytiri in his logs, finding how their romance grew sweet and inspirational, the chiefs daughter falling for the outcast impersonator.
Soon enough you and Jake arrived at the link room, the room feeling small once more when Jake slots himself in the middle of it.
He opens up the link bed and pulls back the skeletal frame, his movements allow you to study him more. He had various wounds littering his skin showing the struggles of war and the natural injuries from living in a budding ecosystem; you could tell he was a natural born leader in how he instantly took charge, his presence radiating authority and a protective instinct.
The bed then began to glow as it powered up, the gel mattress shining an aquamarine sort of colour. Jake then pressed his finger into the bed with a slight chuckle.
“I will never get over how weird these feel”
He says it with a reminiscent chuckle, it's only in moments like these where you recognise he was human for the majority of his life.
“Come on, I'll show you how the screen works”
He gestures you over and shows you how to work the technology for the future when you're on your own.
“How does it feel, you know becoming an avatar?”
You ask, revealing your trepidation for the unique experience.
“You can't describe it, you just kind of feel like you're waking up as normal just a bit off balance”
He answers, looking at you fondly, seeing similarities between you and him.
“Alright enough chat, lie down”
He commands, patting the cut out of a human on the bed.
You carefully begin to climb into the bed, Jake’s hand resting on your waist causing you to flush slightly as he helps you up.
You lie down in the mattress, flattening your hands and feeling the strange substance beneath you. Jake explains everything to you once more, sending you a reassuring smile as he pulls the skeletal frame back over you.
As instructed, as soon as the lid seals you let your mind go blank.
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itsjustbyler · 1 year
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S2. Mike having his breakdown with Hopper. what your thoughts?
Cause like, a lot of GA and other people believe it to be all about El.
But I actually believe it has nothing to do with her. She just triggered everything he’s been pushing down for so long. And hopper realized that after a couple of secs, resulting in Hopper stopping Mike from hitting him and letting him cry it out.
Especially when he says “NO NONE OF THIS IS OKAY”
emphasis on “NONE OF THIS” it’s not just the El part. It’s everything from last year and everything currently happening with Will, and how El could’ve saved him, and he feels inferior and he can’t do anything to save Will.
like to me, this scene has always, always shown me that it had nothing to do with Will, or El, and everything to do with Mike not dealing with his emotions, and how everything was effecting him but he pushed it down. He’s the leader and he might feel pressured to always look okay, and especially when Will is scared, he doesn’t want Will to know that Mike is scared too.
Like to me, Mike’s meltdown is about Mike. He’s feeling way too much for a 13 year old boy. And fearing that he’s losing his best friend once again, and already grieving the girl he becomes friends with year prior searching for that best friend is tough. And then seeing her alive and hearing she could’ve helped with Will, it’s a lot to take in. He was bound to crack. And I’m glad Hopper was the one who was there. Because Mike seems like the type to not want to cry in front of others.
Also Hopper and Mike are very similar when dealing with emotions, so I think that’s why Hopper mid-way through their fight, he realized it wasn’t a fight, and it was Mike crying for help, and being frustrated.
My friend keeps telling me to post this theory and interpretation but yeah.
Pleeease you should actually post it because I agree 10000% with you!!
Mike is just a kid who had to see his best friend being missing for a whole week, he saw people dying in front of him, including the girl who he made help him to find Will. He doesn't have anyone to talk about it because he wants to be strong for the party but nobody seems to care about everything that happened around him. Not even Nancy, who knows, who was there too. Mike was grieving for El and feeling so guilty, he was with his best friend all season watching him kill people and suffering and El could've helped him but Hopper was hiding her. Its like no one cares, just like his family. The only person he was able to open up was Will but look what happened to him next? That meltdown was about Mike and everyone who doesn't acknowledge how Mike was suffering throughout the whole season. The boy had to come up with a plan to kill the MF without killing his best friend. Imagine if something went wrong? He screamed at Hopper that he lied about El but Will/mf also lied to him, made will kill people and almost killed him too. This is just too much for him... Im glad that Hopper noticed it and just let him cry. He needed that...
Ty for the ask!!
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cyberwitchhhhhhhhh · 2 years
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How are you feeling at the current moment 🗝️
Pick a pile reading
Pile#1
Cards:Three of swords ,Four of cups reversed,The emperor,Knight of wands,Ten of cups ,Ten of swords
Okay pile one ! Im seeing you going through a hard time at the moment and you feeling broken down like everything’s fell apart for you either you got rejected or your devastated or just got out of a relationship pile one but i feel as though right now because you going through this is going to benefit you to be wise and have your eyes opened i feel like right now you feel smarter you feel like your more open to things now either in the past you weren’t taking what was given to you but i feel as though your learning how to take stuff even if its hard to deal with your accepting what happen and your dealing with it i also feel like your moving forward and your not looking back on what could of happened or what should of happened your just walking along and letting things play out some of you could be isolation and having your phone on do not disturb or don’t feel like being bothered by anyone or anything you also feel like you have power over your life again you have authority over what you can and cannot do some of you could of had a strict parent or moved out or a relationship that was toxic but I’m seeing you finally being free again some of you might be very energetic to do things again some of you might be wanting to make new friends or something different a lot of you are looking for a fresh start im also seeing for you to get that dream life that you want you have to be completely done with bullshit you can be hurt for a minute but get back up and do what you want with your life do what makes you happy this is a time of your life where your leveling up a lot of areas in your life are going to be ending for newness and happiness.🗝️
Pile#2
Cards:Queen of cups,Ace of wands,Two of swords,Seven of swords,Eight of swords,The devil in reverse,Six of wands
Okay pile two ! Im seeing you being really intuitive and really in tune to how you feel right now your really sensitive right now when it comes to certain things but your really mature at the same time some people might say your really mature for your age because its the gods honest truth you may be in tune with how you feel but you don’t let it define who you are as a person some of you might read people off ripe you know there vibe and energy some of you maybe a psychic or do magic your a secure person you know what you want and nobody can change it because its how you feel like you have to see things before you can believe it some of you might be feeling the inspiration to do something new or creative here and there alot of joy and you feeling whole and you being the shit because you are the shit ! But here some of you might not want to face hard work and obstacles to get to where you want to me your not a person who likes to deal with being stressed so you avoid it all together you can look at all the things you have to offer but your protecting yourself from the feeling of stressed some of you may be trying to test peoples limits or set up a loyalty test or plan something to break something down or you may be lying to a person and its going to trap you in a place where you feel like you cant get out of even if you wanted to I’m also seeing some of you having a problem with telling the truth and you either got caught up in a lie and you feel tied down like you feel like your in the hotspot also im getting some of you may feel insecure about how you look or how you talk or how you act some of you feel free than usual right now either you got a divorce or broke through something with money but now your finally living a life of achievement.🗝️
Pile#3
Cards:Queen of cups,Ace of wands,Three of swords ,The hermit,The sun ,Wheel of fortune,Nine of wands reversed
Okay pile three ! Im seeing your highly emotional or your caring a little to much and it’s starting to break you down and your starting to love the wrong things you might be pushing things people its like you cant live without this one thing you have to accept a challenge to get to the next level if you want to get to a solid place in your life the heartache isn’t going to last forever its only temporary accept the challenge of getting better I’m seeing your feeling the need to find a new job or new passion some of you might be bringing out your inner child and doing things you loved as a child I’m also seeing your closing down relationships and friendships because your reflecting on yourself and how you see yourself some of you might be going through a spiritual enlightenment so your waking up a whole lot you have a lot of good luck on your side and may not even know it you maybe expressing yourself through a talent or poetry you really love expressing yourself some of you might be feeling like cycles of your life are ending and karma coming on to you either good or bad you also feel like you have no reason to fight left or some of you don’t learn from the past you tend to make stupid decisions or your failing at something.🗝️
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starz4valen · 9 months
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queers im fucking lost come save me
ok but in all seriousness,
despite labeling myself as aroace for a hot minute and finding comfort in that label and the community for a time—shit doesnt feel quite right anymore.
i have had ONE EX. one.
i genuinely think i was in love with him. i only felt what i felt with him,,,WITH HIM. nobody else. I felt the butterflies/giddiness, i loved his laugh, his smile, hearing him, his jokes, all the names he would call me, how much he said he loved me, our late night discord calls, having him around, just. him. when he rarely spoke abt shit that was bothering him it hurt me so bad, like i would hurt with him. and the mere THOUGHT of ME hurting him made me wanna sob.
as you can probably guess by the fact we’re exes, we’re not together anymore. it hurts. hell, my stomach tangled a bit as i typed that out. (could be cause recently someone who used to be a friend went and dated him and then got upset at me for getting upset at them but this ain't abt them.)
we broke up in like june last year, and i felt so fucking horrible about it bc it basically ended w him yelling at me over text at how horrible i am at listening and how i treated him more like a therapist—which i will admit i did. i sucked for that. it makes sense why tho, i was working through a lot of shit at the time, doesn’t justify it at all though. i should’ve treated him better. im desperately trying to fix it in my current relationships so that never happens again.
then again, he also treated me badly. he said things that really fucked with my sense of trust in people and just made me scared to get close with anyone like that ever again, or in general bc i was convinced everyone had some ulterior motive w me or secretly didnt give a shit abt me—but also i felt *I* was the problem. like every relationship im in is gonna end horribly bc im just that bad. its taken a lot to say that i feel loved by and trust my current friends, as well as trying to recognize that I deserve love, and im glad i can say that im getting better ^^
but,,,idk anymore
i concluded i was aroace almost a year after we broke up. there were a couple reasons. for one, i only really got that close w him. i dont really know if ive had a crush or what that feels like—in fact i think i faked one in elementary, the whole reason i got w my ex was bc he was flirting w me and it made me feel nice. (also bc i was worried he would be my only shot at love but i digress) i feel off when people talk about heading to poundtown or anything like that, the same with crushes—just crushes tho relationships i totally get—and i still struggle to wrap my head around attraction and how people just can look at someone without even knowing them at ALL and go “you. i want you.”
i wrote off how i felt when i was with him as simply some non-romantic form of attraction and called it a day.
but recently ive been reflecting on that, and i think i was wrong. the way that even now i get all these emotions by merely talking abt my ex says something. how upset seeing that "friend" going ahead and dating him after barely knowing him and just how angry i was says something. the way i cried seeing my best friend get a whole small crate of presents from their partner for their bday bc i was THAT JEALOUS says something. the way i yearn for affection and to be loved again says something. the way im starting to miss being in love again says something. the way i would always want some sort of relationship—even when i identified as aroace—but just never thought it would happen bc i didn't feel pretty enough, or mentally well enough, deserving of one, or like id ever be lucky enough to find someone who makes me feel that way again and how scared and sad that makes me,,,says something.
now in terms of poundtown—legit dunno. closest to that I've done w anyone was neck kisses from my ex, which i did really enjoy—but also i legit identified as ace like the whole time we were together and the few times he made jokes like that i felt uncomfy. plus the only way i feel i could be ok w going further w something like that is if its either excessively gentle or the most unserious thing ever. so tbh if i had to take a guess on how i feel abt that—not too keen on it.
I'm debating a couple labels, bi, aroace, bi and ace, demirose, and demirose and bi, but tbh i feel bi kinda fits the most? (maybe???) but also it doesn't. idk if its the fear of opening my mind to me being in a relationship despite my fear of intimacy and commitment or just that I'm aroace and this is my brain telling me to stop overthinking shit—but i know i wanna figure this shit out
if anyone has like legit any words of advice PLEASE send it my way. i will take even the tiniest crumb of guidance cause i am more lost than a child in ikea.
thanks to anyone who read all this <3
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nikadd · 10 months
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gonna complain abt biphobia for a second so if you think im automatically annoying bc of that it’s ok, just scroll past. idgaf
for the past few weeks on twitter and in the past on tiktok and im assuming here as well (im just not verging into those waters on here) i’ve seen a lot of weird and annoying things being said abt bisexuals and bi women in general and it feels like one of those things where somebody picks a specific type of a member in a community (here being “a white cis bi girl with a white cishet boyfriend”) as like the so called representative of the entire community and bc it’s like the supposed closest person to being the oppressor then all of the criticisms get to stick. it’s like when ppl add “white” in front of “woman” to make their criticisms not sound misogynistic.
like there are lots of things that are very much issues that bisexuals face in higher numbers than either gay or straight ppl do (such as ipv, for example), and nobody is talking abt it, but if we ever just express annoyances abt micro aggressions or negative stereotypes abt us (that feed into the material oppression we face! the stereotypes abt us being sex-obsessed and promiscuous freaks actually does lead to ppl thinking we can’t say no to sex and that we would cheat on them which leads to physical and emotional abuse!), then suddenly everybody is like “why are yall complaining abt it” “i wish i had your issues” “biphobia isn’t real, what you’re complaining abt is homophobia” “yall chose to date men” “who’s stopping yall from dating men” and it’s like…
we (cis bi women) understand that if we are dating men or somebody who is read as a man on the street then we benefit from being read as straight, but it’s weird when ppl keep talking abt “the real life” when we are talking abt how we are treated within the queer community or we want to address specific things. like many of us DO understand the sense of scale of things, we are not equating homophobic hate crimes to the micro aggressions, but if everything we say is conflated to just being micro aggressions we are blowing out of proportion, then it becomes difficult to address actually important things!
and i do think some of my fellow bisexuals have fallen into a weird pick-me-girl meme within the community, e.g. “i’m attracted to every woman ever and like 3 guys” which sounds like we are supposed to suppress our attraction to men to feel accepted in the queer community and act like it’s such a chore to be attracted to or be in a relationship w men. and im not even talking abt many of them coming to realize they are lesbians, which is good for them! but it just became one of those annoying things ppl just regurgitate and i don’t actually believe that it is an actual way many of them view their attraction, but they want the good queer points so they say it.
and i understand many lesbians’ frustrations w newly-out bi women expressing how they are intimidated by the idea of approaching a woman, but i think sometimes ppl are too quick to call it lesbophobia and that we think that lesbians are scary bc THEN apparently we aren’t living in “the real life” in our heteronormative world where we are taught how to be w men only? like i guess in this situation we don’t care abt what goes on outside of the community. and im glad many queer women are able to overcome it but we often forget how difficult it is to figure it out! and ppl online keep talking abt how weird and homophobic it is for bi women to say this when we should actually be scared of/intimidated by men bc they are more likely to abuse us… which is such a piss on the poor type of misreading of what we are saying. but also victim blaming once again.
like i’ve been out as bi for like 9 years now, had VERY strong feelings for multiple girls over this time (like i’ve had to tell some ppl im bi and not a lesbian), currently in my first ever relationship - and yes it’s with a man. and if i was some kind of famous person on the internet, people would be saying im settling, or im faking my queerness, or looking into my past relationships and seeing nothing there bc ive never dated anybody before. so what then? suddenly im not bi bc i’ve never gone out w a girl? like in my case i never even dated men before bc i rarely like somebody enough to want to go through w anything AND i need to know that they like me first as well so im actually always surprised to find out that ppl date ppl often but that’s neither here nor there.
like all those tweets abt billie eilish abt how she “chose to date an abuser before she ever dated a girl” or dove cameron “making a song abt being a better boyfriend to a girl and now dating yet another man” make me so upset like do they need to go out and date a girl for some kind of queer points for ppl to shut up abt it?
another thing i saw was like “a girl is gonna go to a queer bar or pride, dance and flirt with girls, and then go home to a boyfriend 💀” and it’s like okay so yall don’t want us bringing our boyfriends to queer events, that’s fine (not that my bf is straight and might also enjoy going to a queer event as he’s also queer but who cares abt that, right?) but then we also can’t go to a queer event by ourselves either? like not all queer events are singles-only events! and flirting doesn’t mean you’re being led on! sometimes ppl flirt just because! why does it mean that i need to stop going to queer events that i’ve been going to before dating my bf just bc im w a man now?
like ppl act like it’s not even worth to come out for a bi woman if she’s gonna date a guy / already is in a relationship w a guy. like maybe my identity existed before my relationship and might even exist after it? like im my own person or something?
like i’m so tired of ppl online being “heartbroken” over a hot woman (bonus points if she “looks” gay) being w a man - as if you ever had a chance w her if she was single! or acting like being w a bi woman means that she’s gonna leave you for a man! like it sounds weirdly incelish when i see other queer women online being like “oh ofc a girl i was dating left me for a man 🙄” and it’s like maybe she just started dating a man after you but you’re making it sound like she hated being with a woman and cheated on you with a man and you get to have this high horse about it. like im sure there have been instances where two women broke up and then one ended up w a man and even got married or something but i’ve seen too many ppl paint these situations like ultimate betrayals. like if she left you for another woman it would have been better?
like i know that there are some bi women who Have said/done things that led to these thoughts/complaints, but like the way we (queer women as a whole) have been engaging in these conversations has been very alienating. like there ARE things we need to address within our community (e.g., “everybody is a little bi”, “hearts not parts”, “don’t worry i’m bisexual” when dating trans ppl, etc) but i genuinely often feel more comfortable talking to other bisexuals abt it bc i think some things SHOULD be addressed within the bisexual community first bc it shouldn’t be on other ppl to address these things like we gotta clean our own house yk but it’s often difficult to do so on the internet bc anybody could chime in and divert the attention and take things out of context.
tldr i hate these conversations and all the jokes abt biphobia bc ppl think it makes them more progressive or feminist or whatever and seriously addressing these things suddenly makes me “one of those bisexuals” or whatever. like i know im saying all the stuff we’ve all already said in 2014 in all those “reblog if you believe that bi ppl are bi and not just half gay half straight” but i feel like ppl only agree w this in theory and not in practice and actively believe that every bi woman is a lesbian in denial or a straight woman w a fetish. and it’s fucking annoying.
and yeah it might sound like i’m a chronically online tumblr sjw abt it but the internet queer spaces are like a third space for many ppl and it’s disheartening to see these things and then feel like ppl are just keeping their mouths shut abt it offline but still believe and think this way.
…AND THATS ALL JUST ABT BI CIS WHITE WOMEN.
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intertexts · 2 months
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HI ROS !!!!!! coming into ur inbox this lovely afternoon with a random question bc i like your taste in things. I need a new work podcast bc im caught up with most of my other ones. I've got TWO saved because of you so I thought I'd get ur opinion: which one first. hello from the hallowoods or skyjacks :] ik u like them both (and I DO plan to get thru them both eventually but I need 2 do them one at a time or else I'll explode)
OH GOD. INSANELY HARD QUESTION!!!!!!!! FUCKED UP!!!!!!! umm. ok. ok. they're both still currently ongoing, hfth has 160 episodes so far & skyjacks has something like 230. hfth has a sort of anthology structure with many different key characters and protagonists and plot threads that all get woven together through vignettes, skyjacks is just one overarching narrative. that's the quick comparison.
-hfth: good if ur still the kind of guy who gets really emotional over casual trans & queer rep in the year of our lord 2024 despite it being "everywhere now" and "not a big deal." (me LMAO) it's not like, a podcast About That, & it's kind of reductive to say that as the first thing about it, but like. it is deeply and fundamentally and lovingly a gaytrans show. it's horror, but like, the horror equivalent of spiced tea before bedtime, more strange and warped and delightful surrealism than much else. doesn't leave u with the Residue (neutral!!! feeling awful after u finish a horror thing is like frequently part of the appeal!!) that heavier horror does. anthology with overarching plot & it's really really fun to figure out the way all the pieces fit together. there are very endearing terrifying eldritch gods and gay sad little demons and ghost boys and older butches and sentient skulls inside a weird tank body. many very resonant themes and motifs. tons of really great character work, i can think of off the top of my head at least five or so characters u will love, very fun show. makes me miss living in the woods!!!!
skyjacks: okay man. you KNOW this is my favorite ttrpg show of all time. c'mon. okay. yeah despite the insane way pd has taken over my brain (& it is a REALLY good n fun show i think) & the way im constantly talking about friends at the table as a seminal actual play show that does some of The best writing in any of the space & is easily the Best, etc. skyjacks is so fucking good. james d'amato is an incredible gm, the sound design is really lovely, the worldbuilding is. my favorite. sometimes i just sit and kick my feet around giggling and smiling and thinking about spéir. its so fucking sick it feels like folklore and fairy tales and historical romances. there are huge birds u can fly on instead of horses. the sea is angry and has spit you out. the gods are dead and the stars have fallen out of the sky. pirate story, also, btw. u will fall in love with the uhuru. maybe partially why i haven't started riptide bc skyjacks is already The pirate campaign to me. i also already know Exactly which pc u will latch onto. honestly the pcs & their dynamics are also all really compelling, nobody at the table fucking misses.
anyway. TERRIBLE answer to this question ummm i would listen 2 the pilot of both of them n then choose! they're both two of my all time faves!!! enjoy!!! :3333
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lifeneedsrot · 2 months
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🌲already outdated.
filthyrottenworm ——> lifeneedsrot
🔭no minors allowed! We dont post much NSFW we just are extremely uncomfortable around minors and want our boundaries respected
🔭hi! We’re the Starship System! There’s 26 of us, one for each letter of the alphabet. We are traumagenic and DIAGNOSED with DiD, and a pro-endogenic former sysmed! We have no real “host” but Maverick fronts the most. We use emojis to represent who’s speaking online. We are anti-harassment and anti-censorship, aka “proship” (even though we barely participate in fandom and don’t actually “ship” anything)! If you’ve got a problem, block us forever, because we will accidentally refollow you.
🥀we tag all posts with the alter’s name and starshipsys
🐰this account is for finding Real friends. We are more open about ourselves on this account and more guarded on our Starshipsys account. If we follow you then we’re open to being Friends.
⚓️no DNI except minors (under 18). We block liberally. Introductions below the cut. Ageless bios are usually blocked, minors always blocked.
Emoji - name - pronouns - headspace age
🧤 - Agate - they/them - 8
Agate exists to promote healthy expression of emotions.
🧤hi. I’m usually sad. Oh apparently that wasn’t enough of an intro I was gonna leave it at that. Um. I like talking to people. I’m kind of stuck in memories of really bad times so I’ll probably talk about bad things that happened a long time ago. I want our system to express our feelings now when we can because we used to never be allowed to. So sometimes I front to tell people what we’re really feeling and be vulnerable and stuff.
🪩 - Boppie - they/them - 21
Boppie exists to have fun and hold our party-loving feelings and maintain our in-person social status.
🪩Hey!!!!!!! I’m TONS of fun, I like dancing, I like being loud, and I like not giving a shit. I’m totally chill. I’m better at in person interactions than online, tbh. I wanna go to a rave and to a bunch of conventions and festivals and parades and honestly if it’s a loud party, I wanna be there. Unforchy maverick says No Never to all my wants and needs, waaaaaahhh. Can’t even drink alcohol. Can’t EVEN have COFFEE. No substances allowed. I’ll prolly talk about wanting to try shit and whine about how nobody lets me have any fun. I like music and singing and sometimes I play around on beepbox to make songs. I’m awful at it lawl but it’s fun!! I can’t survive without constant stimulation, so like, stimulate me. LMAO
♠️ - Cole - he/it - 21
Cole exists as a living manifestation of blades, and guards us from using sharp objects for self-harm or for harming others except to protect.
♠️Hey. I’m not great at talking to people. But I do enjoy conversations. Sometimes. Im a living knife. I used to date Quasi in headspace but I broke up with them after they tried to claw my eye out. To be fair I treated them horribly throughout that relationship. I consider myself a recovered persecutor because of how I used to treat them versus how I am now. I like blades and I’m aroused by blood. But I’m trying to avoid hurting people. I talk about death and mourning because I perceive my Quasi (Quasarinova) to be dead and replaced by the current Quasi (Quasiren). Which is part of the reason why I broke up with them.
🐰 - Daisy - she/any - 7
Daisy represents one half of unconditional love: “be yourself and you’ll be loved as yourself.” She also holds parts of our hypersexuality.
🐰hi!!! I get mad when people try to make us bend to be someone we’re not. And what we are is WEIRD and if you got a problem with that then block us or we’ll block you. I am ICKY and we are ICKY and if you don’t like that then BLOCK US FOREVER!!!!! But if you’re niceys we’re super nice c: !!! I love Tazzy and my little pony and sometimes I say everypony instead of everybody. WE SHOULD PLAY PONY TOWN TOGETHER. I can show you aaaall our ponies!!! We got one for every one of us. So 26 ponies. They’re the best representation of our headspace appearance for now. I like Disney movies I think but I haven’t seen many
��� - Estella - they/she - 21
Estella holds our love for technology and indie videogames, but their purpose is mainly to promote in-sys relationships and take care of the emotional needs of other alters by matchmaking.
🔭Hi!!! I hope we can be friends :3 I like Slay the Princess right now!! I’m a forever fan of minecraft and spore. In-sys relationships are extremely important to us, so I’ll probably talk a lot about that. Haven and I are girlfriends! Tazelein and Daisy are something… Starbound is starting to forgive Kakxyl, so they might get back together! Present and Cole might be together someday but neither of them are ready yet and I don’t want to pressure them. Maverick and Quasi are taking it slow, too. The XYZ primordials are forever married soulmates in a poly triangle or whatever. Whenever my headmates start to get along really well, I get ecstatic and front to happy ramble about it! I’m hoping I can take care of all of our emotional needs by setting alters up with each other. It’s to avoid codependency. Also, I made our headspace in minecraft! We should play minecraft together! If I can figure out how to make it work… also the proportions in our minecraft world are a little off.
🐁 - Fobi - it/she - adolescent
Fobi holds the “flee” stress response and its purpose is to run away when we are in danger.
🐁if I front its a bad sign. I only front when we’re in danger or if someone forces me to front. I exist only to run and I am in a constant state of fear. Estella wants me to not be in a constant state of fear but I don’t know what that would be like. I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I want to survive. I want to survive at all costs and I will do whatever we need to do to survive. We’re nothing more than a frightened animal. But I can be strategic, too. I recognize what is needed. I will put the most necessary alter in front, and sometimes that’s me, to run. Sometimes it’s someone else, like Starbound, to fight.
🦇 - Grim - it/its - adolescent
Grim holds the “fawn” stress response and its purpose is to adore and dote on people to prevent us from being hurt by them or to prevent them from leaving us.
🦇hi… I don’t know what to say… I’m also not very good at talking… I want more friends though. Do I have to write more? Okay… I want to be hurt. My description up there is a little weird. I’m not sure I like it. I don’t prevent people from hurting me. I… make myself very available to be hurt… because we need it. We need people to be around us more than we need anything else… and people hurt the people they’re around… so we have to be okay with being hurt. More than okay. I learned to love it. So please, if it’s the only thing that’ll keep you from leaving, hurt me. I’m more afraid of being alone than anything else…
🌺 - Haven - she/he - 21
Haven exists to express genuine love and care for our friends, family, and partners.
🌺Send us asks!!! Talk to me!!! Say hello!!!! Be our friend!!!! I promise we’re way nicer than you think. We don’t bite! Except some of us do bite. And I’ll bite if you ASK me to bite. But mostly we don’t bite. I usually talk about the people we love! Our friends! I hope you can become one of our friends, too. Because we have a severe friendship deficit.
✏️ - Indigo - they/them - 12
Indigo holds our hopes, dreams, and interests from Middle School.
✏️I LOVE STARSET AND WINGS OF FIRE. Those are my two favoritest things ever, especially wings of fire. I could talk about wings of fire forever. I write wings of fire fanfics. I also LOVE undertale and deltarune!!! I want to make a really cool indie game but I don’t think I have the skills to, so I stick to writing stories where I KNOW I can do it. I am good at writing but I almost never get past the prewriting stages. I also like reading fantasy stories. Sometimes. We haven’t read a good series in forever. We like Tamora Pierce’s books though! We’re not caught up on everything though. We also draw and are trying to draw a portrait of every one of us!
🎊 - Jynx - she/any - ageless
Jynx holds narcissism and a God complex. Her purpose is to hold insecurity that is expressed as superiority.
🎊fuck that description, I’m literally awesome. Anyway. I’m actually a god, for realsies. I’m the best thing ever. You should bow down and worship me. I’m not insecure. I’m genuinely awesome. Okay, that sounds insecure. I’m serious. Kakxyl is my dad, Lynx is my brother, Present is sort of my sister because it was raised alongside me. My dad is literally beyond godhood. He ascended so many times it’s like unbelievable. And im going to rule the world one day, so you should get on my good side.
🍠 - Kakxyl - he/any - eternal
Kakxyl’s role is to help other alters change their roles.
🍠Greetings. I like breaking people out of patterns of thought. There is not much for me to say. I am an ancient being, technically older than the primordials, and I may never truly die. However, death is merely a transformation into something else, and I shall always be an entity of transformation. The end of one thing is the beginning of another. I change, and I end, and I transform, as all things do, though my consciousness may remain uninterrupted, I experience slow and continuous death through change. All entities must die throughout their lives, many times. All creatures must transform through time. You are not the same you as you were yesterday. You will be someone else tomorrow. As stable as you view your identity to be, you transform as much as any other entity. You die. You have died. You will die. You are always dying. And you are always reborn.
🫐 - Lynx - he/any - ageless
Lynx holds the “freeze” stress response and will front when there are too many emotions vying to be expressed at once.
🫐I once had no voice, but now I can speak. Or type, I guess. Hm. What to say about myself. I want to learn fencing. I know how to wield a sword in headspace, but front body doesn’t. We also need to learn more ASL. I usually front because I’m emotionally numb in comparison to the others. So I front when the others are too emotional to make rational decisions.
⚓️ - Maverick - they/he - 21
Maverick is the captain of the system and makes the final call on all decisions, as well as the “host” who fronts the most.
⚓️damn this is a weird intro post. Why did we do it like this. Anyway I’m as close to host as we have. I’m the captain. I make the final call on all important decisions. I like boats. Front body never learned to swim, so we need to do that before we can go out on the water. I want to travel. I want to visit all fifty states and a few other countries. We’re from USA if you couldn’t tell.
🍥 - Nyan - he/she - 6
Nyan holds innocent childlike interests and emotions that we were unable to express when we were physically a child.
🍥Hi! I love making friends and talking to people and candy and legos. Hehe I am friends with daisy and agate. I like kitties and I named myself after Nyan cat. Meow :3!!!!!! I want to play minecraft and get super good at it and also I like the sims 3 and 4 but only with the pets pack added for kitties and spore and I like ummm lots of things! I used to collect littlest pet shops but I donno where they went. I like running in circles but front body is too tired all the time for that. I like stuffies and I like cuddles. I like ice cream also.
🚀 - Oscar - he/him - adult
Oscar’s role is to push people away to protect the system from being hurt by others.
🚀I don’t trust easily. If you do earn my trust, don’t break it. I do hold a grudge. I personally think our system would be safest alone, without dealing with outsiders. But everyone else is pretty convinced we can’t be happy alone.
🩵 - Present - she/it - adult
Present’s role is to mourn our lost relationships, but hold hope that we can heal.
🩵I hope you’re not off-put by all the strange introductions. We’re trying to reach outside our comfort zone to make more friends. So, hello. Don’t be shy, please. I think an important part of healing is opening ourselves up to form new friendships. We’ve been hurt a lot. We’ve hurt people, too. Our ex partner system accused us of grooming them because we were 19 and they were 17. It was a horribly toxic and abusive relationship for both systems, but we’re not a groomer, and we didn’t deserve thousands of people persecuting us online. A lot of our system feels like we’ll never be able to move past that relationship. It was such a defining part of our identity, and then our entire community was ripped away from us in one motion when we were cancelled off of that website. But we’re ready to rebuild.
🥀 - Quasiren - they/them - 18
Quasiren intends to create intimacy, friendships, and bonds. They hold the hope that we can still form meaningful relationships.
🥀Come be our friend!!! It’s necessary. Important. We’re genuinely very kind and nice and really like making friends. Okay, we’re a little desperate and a lot lonely. But I promise we’re waaaaaay friendshaped. So, what are you waiting for? You know you want to say hi. You know you want to become our best friend forever! We’re total sweethearts.
🥩 - Raptorse - it/its - adult
Raptorse is just there to make sure we don’t starve to death or develop an eating disorder.
🥩I’m just here to eat. We’re an animal. Animals need to eat. We get too hungry, I front. I eat. I chomp. I bite. I’ll even eat you. Not always good at talking. Sometimes words get mangled and grammar too. Especially when I need to do my job. Just a primal urge when that happens. All animals need is food, water, shelter. All animals need do is shit, piss, eat, sleep, fuck. Some animals don’t even need fuck. We need to get rid of urges but not really need another animal to deal with that. Maverick is saying I overshare. Don’t care. Survival is priority. Not nobody’s feelings about shit we do. Gnaw my way out if needed.
🎆 - Starbound - she/any - ageless
Starbound is the “fight” stress response and represents a need for justice.
🎆don’t piss me off and we’ll get along fine. But if you do piss me off, well. I’m not afraid to burn bridges the way the rest of these soft bitches are. I get mad real easy. And I get real fucking mad. Basically, if you’re talking and I front, you done something to piss us off big time. I hate injustice.
🪱 - Tazelein - he/any - ageless
Tazelein holds hypersexuality and the other half of unconditional love: “in order to love someone, you must love them as they are, not as how you want them to be.”
🪱hiiiiiii cutie~!!!! I like tearing people apart. Yes, I do mean tearing. Ripping them to sinewy shreds. Red ribbons and white fragments, squishy bits of organs strewn about. And then I like putting them back together. And I want you to be aware for all of it. Unfortunately, I can’t do that in front, humans die too easily, and front body isn’t strong enough to keep them alive. I can still get creative with what I do and keep you alive. Humans are also fairly resilient. If you’d like to be torn to shreds, or whatever adjacent thing I come up with, come say hiiiii~~ don’t be shy!!! Or do, it might be cute. Oh, is this not a normal way to introduce myself? Oops, ahehehe.
🕊️ - Utopia - they/any - ageless
Utopia holds our fascination with spirituality, religion, and the occult. Their role is to ponder the mechanisms of spirituality.
🕊️we are a somewhat spiritual system. We believe that when we were younger, we were connected to spirits that would grant our wishes so long as we were good to them. We also believe these same spirits granted us visions, but that we have lost connection with our spirits. We seek to regain our connection. We also believe all souls are interconnected in a massive web, and that travel between them is possible. Yes, I am referring to syshopping. We experienced syshopping firsthand with our aforementioned ex partner system that accused us of grooming them. I would like to regain a similar spiritual link with someone, not necessarily syshopping as I’m not certain we may ever achieve that again, but we also had friends who we shared dreams with, and I believe with enough closeness and common spirituality this may be achieved again.
🦠 - Vitriol - it/its - adult
Vitriol’s role is to prevent other people from being hurt by us by any means necessary.
🦠we’re not worth befriending. Reread Tazelein’s intro. Do you think someone who would say that is safe to befriend? Stay away from us. We have been abusive in the past. I don’t know if we still are, but it’s not worth the risk.
🕸️ - Webber - they/any - ageless
Webber holds our abandonment issues, and has the role of building and maintaining trust of others.
🕸️hello there :}. You’ve been reading for an awfully long time, haven’t you? I appreciate it. If you bothered reading this far, please say hello. We likely won’t message first. Most of us are too shy for that; we assume that you don’t want a message out of the blue. Ah, I should introduce myself. I’m Webber, a deity of trust. There’s nothing I value more than the trust of others.
🔥 - Xray - he/xe - primordial
Xray represents the current time and destruction. Xis role is to end or finish things, or get things over with. He does things nobody wants to do.
🔥once we are close enough with someone, we will have a boundaries conversation. We currently have 7 major boundaries, but may add more if necessary. After the boundaries conversation, we may decide to share our simplyplural with you. Any attempt to rush these two events before we’re ready will be perceived as a yellow flag and cause us to be wary of you.
🌲 - Yarrow - they/it/yey - primordial
Yarrow represents the past time and transformation. Its role is to help people see parts of themselves they hadn’t yet seen.
🌲hello. I don’t have much to add. I like writing about the alters of our system. Most of our simplyplural entries are authored by me, including the sentence description that’s written below each of our names in this introduction, which was taken from part of our simplyplural. We will share it when we are ready to share it.
🌊 - Zenith - ze/zer - primordial
Zenith represents the future time and creation. Zer role is to start new things and promote seeking out new pleasurable experiences.
🌊haiiiiiii!!!!! I’m kind of the mom of the system. But like, in a really fun and hot way. I like building people up! I also like making things. Which sometimes includes alters. We currently are maxed out at 26, but we might expand in the future, it’s getting a little tight in here.
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galezellybelly · 5 months
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I’m so sad rn :( i just had to reject my crush of all people because i’m in a really bad mental space rn and i can’t deal with a romantic relationship on top of everything else 😭
i want to date her but i can’t because with the emotional stress i’m going through, it’s not fair to her for me to try and balance a relationship on top of everyhing
i know that i wouldn’t be the kind of partner she would want because i’ve been lashing out a lot recently out of anger and i’ve been avoiding people in general. it ain’t healthy but i’m working on it 👌
anyways this was completely random feel free to ignore/delete it but i have nobody else to talk to rn
-signed, follower of yours (i have chosen anonymity my apologies if that is weird) that is currently ✨mentally dying✨ !!
not weird and im glad you could talk to me! its always okay to turn someone down, no matter what, and you shouldn’t feel bad for it. its good that you’re working on urself!!!
luv u <3 /platonic
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pip-n-chips · 1 year
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there's something to be said about this song but I'm struggling to word my thoughts, other than it gives Bailey (and PC!) vibes
im ESPECIALLY talking about the outro lyrics, which I'll toss under the cut
I color-coded which lines give me bailey, PC, or both vibes the most jshaishsi,,,, pink is PC, blue is Bailey, purple is both
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How many times do I have to fight you?
How many times until I can shine through?
How many times do you have to kill me?
How many times do I have to deny you?
Deny your existence, hope that no one notices I’m missing
Everybody’s here but they’re never gonna listen
Everybody hears but they’re never gonna listen
This is not the be-all end-all, this is not where everybody’s fine
This is just the high point of my life, those are just wasted years gone by, so wave as they go
Because nobody wants to see me cry, too sappy
But nobody cares if I die unhappy
Feelings are heavy and they’ll always hurt, so put in the work
I call it passion, you call it violent
Which one of us do you think will be thriving?
In five years time when the crowds have all parted, and nobody here will care how it started
I come back now with a price on my head, with blood on my hands and a limp in my step
Cause you broke me down, took two years off my life, but when I come out that side you’ll still be behind
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ANYWAY LMK IF YOU THINK IT FITS! Im currently obsessed with this song lmao
editing to add: I'm also fucking obsessed with how it's sung,, it gets more and more passionate/angry/filled with emotion (idk what to use!!) as they sing and it's so fucking tasty oh GOD. it slaps so fucking hard. please listen to it if you are interested at least just to skip to the last bit lmao- it starts at 3:37
just the way it gets louder n passionate n shit it's xjhsizhz so aaa
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petrichoraline · 8 months
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hey petri! how are you doing? i feel like i don't see you around here that much anymore! hope everything is going alright ❤️ is there any show you're currently watching or any new music you've discovered? xx
🥹 that's one of the sweetest messages honestly
I appreciate you noticing, I appreciate you reaching out, basically I want to give you a big hug and a smooch on the forehead 😚
I am doing well <3 but im easily irritated and moody so when something ruffles my feathers it might take a bit till I get back into a good mood and for some reason I've just been feeling progressively lonelier and more annoyed coming on here. I dread catching up on posts I have decided I have to make (tho nobody actually cares about them (im not being petty, im literally talking about things ppl don't care about like catching up on tag games and stuff hahah)) and also don't really feel motivated to work on any others. when I work on smth and it doesn't get recognition I feel demotivated and that's been the case with most of my last posts that took quite a bit of effort. I want to give a good answer to a trope question in my inbox and the other asks in there but I just. don't have it in me rn
basically in some ways i function not unlike a child and so im figuratively on the other end of the playground picking at grout and moping 🤣
also I haven't really been watching any asian dramas, ive mostly been binging taskmaster 🤔 last thing I watched was probably cherry magic and I still have to catch up on an episode :] so there's not much to post about, you know <3
as for my irl I've been emotional as well and I open the app with the intention to maybe vent but idk, it feels bad when I do that and more often than not it remains unnoticed, its kinda like I just went to a central city street and took my clothes off and everyone gave me dirty looks lmao
new music.. I've been interested in dpr ian lately though I haven't really acted on that. and he's featuring in a song that drops tomorrow so maybe you could check that out ☺️
also I listened to That Summer by SHAUN yesterday and it's lovely
thank you for sending me such a sweet and thoughtful message💓💝🥹💞💗💕💓💗💝 i vented a bit but you did ask how I was doing and im not exactly the type to just say "it's all good" 😅 it still is good though! so please don't worry 💕 sending you kisses
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catboyroycebracket · 2 years
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out of curiosity what abt people drawing characters as red + mr nobody and then calling it a transistor au do you like? no hate I’ve just never seen anyone with strong feelings on the subject haha
short answer: im mean. i hate shipping. i hate fandom culture. long answer:
i dont like shipping very much to begin with. i prefer more concrete analysis of what is actually in a given storys text. if theres romance, theres romance. if there isnt, there isnt. if theres romantic subtext/implications, its fun to analyze. i might humor the idea of characters in non-canon pairings, but i do not enjoy shippy fanfic. i do not see the fun in engaging with romance-centric media/fanfic constantly and/or squeezing 2-3 ships one becomes obsessed with out of every story one engages with. i find that most people that are really into shipping to the point of making/enjoying "[setting] aus" of the ships they like are seeking substantial romantic threads when there are none to be found in the source story. just read a different more romantic story lol. theres lines between "lets imagine the characters in a different setting" and "lets imagine if this pairing i like was recognized in-text" and "lets imagine the characters as a pairing in a different setting specifically so i can play out how i want them to kiss like theyre my dolls". like... sure, thats fine, but it bores me personally, and i get mad with it when it sort of tramples on the related characters or stories in favor of shipping.
transistor is a complete and self-contained story that centers on romance. it isnt a little template to force whatever jigsaw pieces youre currently interested in into. thats a really sad way to treat stories. aus are fine and fun im not your boss but almost all of these "transistor aus" are not actually about transistor. its all "what if my current favorite character couple was exactly like the transistor couple?" with no thought put into it past "its angsty". it feels like people are treating transistor as a source of inspiration towards something "more important" rather than recognizing it as its own whole work. transistor as a story employs tropes but its just the one story thats exactly like this... there is no "transistor trope". its not a widely recognized work thats commonly imitated/parodied. no one else goes through exactly what these two protagonists went through within the same game for it to be an in-story trope. no other unrelated characters fit the story's exact bill in a believable way, because they are from other stories.
in another life if the game was massively popular and genre-defining (lol) enough to bring that opening pose to an iconic status i wouldnt have a problem with all this. but it literally isnt. its an indie game thats popular enough to have people adore its soundtrack for life, yet very few people are actually talking about the game on tumblr in 2023. people keep posting about their limited tip of the iceberg perception of the game exclusively as a vehicle for unrelated ships. do you understand how frustrating that is??? people feel the emotional impact of transistors story and care deeply for its protagonists but halt their analysis of it there. its "this romance is tragic and i like it, how can i adapt it to my interest in shipping?" rather than "wow, i like this story that contains a romance, lets explore the full cryptic plot of the game as a cohesive and whole story".
i hate those aus because they betray an embarrassingly surface level understanding of red and mr nobodys deals + the entire games setting and plot + an obsession with shipping im too old to care for :/ the main tag on this site most often updates to have one of these aus rather than more straightforwardly on-topic posts. or at least it feels that way for me, someone who dislikes them lol. its really saddening to see an already overlooked indie game with a rewardingly complicated and hard to uncover plot (that most players dont bother to engage with) go further unengaged-with in favor of a butchering of a uniquely tragic and well written romance.
(spoilers if youre somehow unfamiliar yet on my blog) mr and mrs transistor's entire dynamic is born from the fact theyre a famous celebrity singer and unnamed off the grid bodyguard couple in love to the point of dying for one another within their strange futuristic 1930s-esque cyberpunk setting. they have specific disillusionment and despair problems tied to the city they love, and an over-willingness to die for one another. they kept their romance/engagement a secret, and thats why the guy is killed. red is running from robots that are trying to kill her. these are very very very specific parameters. you cannot divorce them from cloudbank + their love towards her and produce the same dynamic. you cannot give red and her man an entirely different set of personality traits and say the story would still play out the same. its not a primarily "singer/bodyguard" romance story, its a cyberpunk utopia robot apocalypse love story. there is much more to this story than its romance, but you cant have one without the other. if you only actually want to borrow the "singer/bodyguard" aspect, just... say that. why make it transistor specific. ditch the part where one of them is getting usb stick stabbed. everyone who i see place their blorbos into this dynamic is treating this one of a kind game's protagonists as if theyre a preset "trope" that any set of characters can fit into if you ship them hard enough. they really, really, really arent.
furthermore im extremely picky with what fictional romance interests me to begin with, and my interest does not extend to "what if we stripped these characters of their setting and development and entire reason to be who they are / why theyre in love and think about what they would be like in place of other super unrelated characters". i dont really like aus like that. they can be fun maybe in extreme cases but i would rather think about javascript. the "current blorbo + other blorbo = 🤔" mindset hinges on how accurately one read the text of both blorbos to actually work. it feels like online nowadays stories are being treated as something to consume, map your entire personality around temporarily, draw as much inspiration as possible from, then move on to the next, repeat. people eat the top layer of transistor, then move on very quickly. its fine but it tires me. also the m/f ships are ''less valuable'' than m/m ships aspect "transistor but make it gay😜" style. stop doing that. there are in-text gay characters in this story. red is slightly implied to be bi. open your heart to well-written m/f romance. or the aspect of people projecting what they personally desire upon ships and mass consuming/producing progressively further from canon shippy works out of their own loneliness (not the case with everything, but yknow.) which i personally find strange. its aggravating to see my favorite characters willfully misinterpreted for projections sake. i like romance in stories, but not in a shipping way. i dont like thinking of pairings i like as part of a maintained list of ships i care for or tags i check on tumblr. my interest in those pairings cannot be separated from my interest in their source material. the tightly written romance in transistor is something i really enjoyed about it. i thought others would recognize how special it is. sigh
this is just me though im mean. others can like these aus and feel free to make their own. its your art/stories. have fun online
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