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wangxianficfinder · 4 months

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Fic Finder

Jan 19th

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1. Hello, I have lost a fic! It was an arranged-marriage au where WWX marries into the Lan sect. During the wedding all the Lans refuse to look towards WWX which hurts him deeply. Later on LWJ explains it is Lan tradition for no one to look upon the bride until the husband has removed her veil. This was just one of many cultural differences between the Lan and Jiang that the fic explored. Overall I think the fic was kind of somber and angsty? Probably had a happy ending though. Any ideas?

FOUND? Concord by Deastar (T, 41k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Gūsū Lán Sect Rules, Depression, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending)

FOUND? In Love and War by Cataclysmic_Calamity (E, 68k, wangxian, A/B/O, Canon Divergence, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Arranged Marriage, Kind of a slow burn, enemies to lovers ish, rampant sexual tension, WWX is a Menace to society and LWJ is doing his best, Miscommunication, past emotional abuse, Dubious Consent, Consensual Non-Consent, Semi-Public Sex, Anal Fingering, Dom/sub, Anal Sex)

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2. Hello, I need help finding a fic. I'm pretty sure I found this fic through your blog.

It's from Lan Wangji's perspective and takes place during the early sunshot campaign before Wei Wuxian's return. Wen outposts are attacked by some unknown entity and Lan Wangji goes to investigate. The culprit is a human shaped being covered in resentful energy. After a few confrontations Lan Wangji discovers that the being is an unconscious Wei Wuxian and finds a way to free him from the resentful energy. @bluekittenfire

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3. (First part added to an itmf) I cannot remember what it is called but there was one fic where WWX loses his foot/leg and the Wen build him a wooden prosthetic that I really enjoyed and am looking for more fics like this. Where characters are dealt a difficult hand but they work through it and yeah, any recs would be much appreciated thank you!

FOUND? we’re starting at the end by Miss_Enthusiasimal (M, 92k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Golden Core Reveal, Burial Mounds, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Starvation, emaciation, Cannibalism, Self-Harm, Amputation, Suicidal Thoughts, Sunshot Campaign, let JZX and WWX be friends club)

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4. Hi! I’m sorry to bother you, but maybe you can help me? I’m looking for a fic where Wei Wuxian is fighting at what I remember to be Qiongqi Path. I think Jiang Cheng makes a smart remark (something like “Are you just gonna play your flute or you going to help us?!”) and Wei Wuxian stops playing his dizi long enough to give JC the finger… only for them to realise what it means that he’s stopped playing and a flute can still be heard. Not long after LWJ pulls Su She out of the foliage with the other flute.

Vaguely I remember it being a fix it fic where less people die than in canon.

If you can help with this I would appreciate it since it’s haunted me for days now! And even if not I hope you have a pleasant day. ^^ @jestingknights

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5. hi!! i’m been looking for a fic for days. i read it forever ago but it’s during the cloud recess study arc and in it lan xichen realizes how awful the jiangs are treating wwx and tries to subtly convince him to leave tywng and stay in gusu bc he knows how much lwj likes him and he sees how talented wwx is and knows he would be a good asset for any sect to have. a specific scene i remember is that lxc would pretend to accidentally bump into wwx to talk to him. and they would go on walks and lwj saw it and got jealous. i think lxc was lowkey manipulative but in a way where he was doing it to make wwx care enough about himself to leave the jiangs. it was not jiang clan friendly at all. i kno this is so vague sorry about that. but it’s driving me crazy how i can’t find it when i know ive read it more then once. thanks for any help u can give

FOUND? If 5 isn't 🔒💖 Hoards and treasures by apathyinreverie (T, 21k, WangXian, Siblings, Family, not particularly Jiang friendly, YZY Bashing, slightly darker Gusu Lans, LXC being the best brother, Some manipulation, But with the best of intentions, and not between wangxian, Dragon LWJ, Fox WWX, Smitten LWJ, Fluff, perfect happiness, adorable WWX, Romance, Some worldbuilding, courting), it's very similar so here's hoping!

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6. Hello! I’m looking for a modern AU where WWX lives in and runs a theater, I believe LWJ is hosting his orchestra there for practice and for an event??? And it’s important that it’s successful to keep the theater open. I believe at some point, someone throws a rock or a brick through the front doors, and I believe the jiangs show up in the end and WWX confronts that. Im having such a hard time finding it or remembering more about it, and I’ve been looking for it for so long 🥲 @takemitchyleaps

FOUND? Talisman by Witch_Nova221 (M, 192k, WangXian, Modern AU, Eventual Romance, Theatre, Rock Band, Childhood Friends, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Spousal Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Stalking, Minor Character Death, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining)

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7. Hi! I hope doing this right, can tou help me find a fic ? I remember that the sects start making alliances because they notice how the Wens are acting. The Jiangs and the Lans are going to ally through marriage, the choice is up to LXC, but because he is jealous of LZ, thinking he never had it difficult, when WY is offered to the Lans, LXC decides to marry him to make LZ suffer, knowing LZ and WY like each other. LXC is the one whose core is melted and LSZ is LXC and WY's biological son. @old-rose-peonies

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8. There's a fic I vaguely remember reading, and I don't know what it's called. There's a scene where Lan Zhan is trying to help Wei Ying eat again (residual starvation stuff), and there's an NSFW scene with honey where Lan Zhan is trying to help Wei Ying associate eating with Good Things. That's the extent of my memory. If you could please help me find it, I'd greatly appreciate it! Thank you! @amynchan

Oh oh! I know exactly which fic this is because it was written based on a post of mine! It's actually WWX helping LWJ and was written by the wonderful InTheGreySpaces (thank you again for writing this beautiful fic~) 😊 Though I could be wrong so please let me know if this isn't it 😅 - Mod C

FOUND! 🧡 Sustenance of the Soul OR Five Times Lan Wangji Refused to Eat and One Time Wei Wuxian Convinced Him To by InTheGreySpaces (E, 9k, WangXian, Grief/Mourning, Angst, Pining, Eating Disorders, LWJ Has an Eating Disorder, and WWX is going to help him get past it, Inedia, Inedia used in the wrong way, LWJ's 33 Lashes Punishment, referenced as the cause of his eating problems, Submissive LWJ, Sort of?)

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9. Hello! I'm looking for a specific fic that I'm afraid might've been deleted. It's a modern au set in the 90s in California (possibly). The Spotify playlist "LWJ DJs your life 1999" goes with it. What I remember is that LWJ is both a goth club DJ and a cello player, WWX drives a terrible car, and the gang is looking to buy the perfect huge house to collectively live in. It might've been part of a series, there's a Halloween party bit where LWJ dresses up at a classic style gothic vampire and curates an extensive party playlist. Thanks for the help! @aceaviatrix

FOUND? The Quiet Room by trickybonmot (M, 39k, WangXian, Modern AU, 1990s, Goth LWJ, Cellist LWJ, College Student WWX, House Hunting, Dating, Clubbing, San Francisco, Implied/Referenced Past Child Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Academic Disaster Aftermath, Getting Together, Repressed Teen Crushes to Strangers to Lovers, Homelessness, in the form of couch surfing, background NieLan)

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10. For the next fic finder: I'm looking for a longer fic where the wens find shelter at the nie sect. It was part of a way bigger plot and some wangxian shenanigans, but wen qing and nie mingjue end up sleeping together, mainly because wen qing is cold and is like "might as well". I do remember that nie mingjue was trans, also. Anyone have any idea what fic that was?

FOUND? 💖 Uninvited by WithBroomBefore (M, 13k, wangxian, canon divergence, fix-it, hurt/comfort, sect leader jyl, sick fic, happy ending) specifically chapter 3

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11. Hi! I need help in looking for a fic where Nie Huaisang was the one who sacrificed his body and soul to summon Wei Wuxian back to life. Thank you @etutb

FOUND? Crowded by nirejseki (G, 1k, NHS & WWX, WangXian, WangXianSang, Canon Divergence, Different Body Offering Ritual, Atypical Relationship Dynamics, sentient sabers) this is a nhs sacrifice summon (gone sideways) fic

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12. Hello. I am looking for a fic where there was a finger trap? You know, the “thing that traps the victim's fingers (often the index fingers) in both ends of a small cylinder”? Anyway i cant remember if it was a tweetfic or a fic on ao3 but wangxian had their fingers in this 🥲🙏

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13. Hi, I don't normally lose fics but I lost this one: Post-Canon, Jiang Cheng basically goes round all the clans and tells them what was wrong with their defences during Sunshot and what they could do better. He also has some unkind words to say about Lotus Pier's organisation. It sounds like he's making enemies but he's really not. Any ideas, please? @solo----

FOUND? 🔒 The Cold Wind of Harsh Truth (or How We Nearly Lost the Sunshot Campaign): A Treatise by Icarus (T, 13k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Humor, Angst, JC digs and keeps digging, Zidian lore, Fun with talismans, JC-centric, Competence Kink, Strategy & Tactics, Cultivation Sect Politics, Arranged Marriage, Trauma, Logic, POV JC)

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14. Hi, I am looking for a fic set post-canon (I think). I remember Wei Wuxian maybe living in the jingshi, possibly teaching classes, but definitely going into Caiyi with Lan Wangji and during a festival Wangji wins a game and the prize is this ugly turtle statue that Wei Wuxian adores. They go on to prank Lan Qiren with the turtle statue. I loved this scene but I can’t remember what fic it came from, please help!

FOUND! I think 14for the fic finder is from the actual book. It sounds like the last extra chapter. / Not saying there isn't a fic involving it, but #14 sounds a lot like the Yunmeng extra in book five, as well. Ring toss, ugly turtle statue, and Wei Wuxian considering pranking Lan Qiren included. The only difference is the location. Your searcher may have mistaken it for fic, especially if they read translations online. / #14 is one of the extra chapters from the actual novel (Extra 7 in the official English translation)

I found a few similar fics with a turtle statue if you want to check them out ^^ - Mod C

The Turtle in the Lanshi by Brierilee (G, 1k, WangXian, Post Canon, POV LJY)

Jin Ling and the No Good Very Bad Terrible Year of Cloud Recesses Bullshit by cringewerewolf (T, 2k, WangXian, Juniors)

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15. hi!! looking for this funny fic based on a silly story. Lwj rejects wwx on a dating app accidently right in front of him, i think they're on an airport? they end up talking obvs and it's cute and funny @ilyweiwuxian

FOUND? Ticket to Ride by mistresscurvy (E, 18k, wangxian, Modern, Online Dating, Road Trips, Service Top, Phone Sex, Dick Pics, Wedding Banquet)

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16. Hey was hoping you guys may be able to help, I've been look for a fic I read awhile back idk if it got deleted or something but. It is a modern time wangxian fic with tattoo artist wei ying, his parents are alive too. But he ends up renting a boyfriend/ Lan wangji off a boyfriend renting site. They have misunderstandings but get through it, he even gives lan Zhan a lotus tattoo like his own and they get together officially in the end. @yilingpatriarchsimp

FOUND! Rent a Gege by wayward_wing (E, 12k, WangXian, Fluff and Angst, Smut, Bottom LWJ/Top WWX, Bottom LWJ, Top WWX, Getting Together, Older WWX, Younger LWJ, Mention of wangxian with others, WWX’s parents are alive, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Riding, Skinny Dipping, eating ass, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex)

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17. I have lost a fic where Wei Wuxian is a catfish for sale and he helps jilted lovers get back at their exes. Su She hires him to target Lan Wangji but Wei Wuxian falls for him instead. Please help me find this fic!

FOUND! I'm pretty sure this one is we'll get him falling for a stranger (or a catfish) by sweetlolixo (T, 38k, wangxian, modern, College AU, Catfish AU, Eventual Happy Ending, Crossdressing WWX, Rich heir LWJ gets catfished by pretty Weiying online that's it that's the fic, LWJ learns how to text with kaomojis, Gossipy aunties NHS and WWX: canon, sometimes LWJ gives you secondhand embarrassment, this fic is on crack, Pining LWJ, Fluff, Humor, lwj is a grade A+ SIMP, Identity Porn)

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18. lan xichen is driving after drinking at night and hits Jiang yanli and she dies. Plot twist ended up she committed suicide, but they didn’t know that before. The lans and jiangs had a fight and somehow lan wangji ended up getting married to Wei wuxian. Wwx is significantly older then lan zhan in this fic.

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19. Hello! I was wondering if I could get help looking for a fic. It’s a doctor AU where LZ and WY are both surgeons. It starts with WY being late to a presentation and showing up right in the middle of LZ’s presentation time. Then WY eventually ends up working on a research project or something like that with LZ? Wen Ning gets hurt at some point in it too and WY and LZ save him against LQR’s orders. I’ve been looking for this for forever and can’t seem to find it. Thank you so much!

FOUND? Anginal Equivalents by fakeplasticlily (E, 23k, wangxian, Modern, Medical Residents AU, Childhood Friends, Mutual Pining, Oblivious WWX, WangXian.mp3, Sexual Content, Podfic Available)

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20. Hi Peeps! Thank you so much for your dedication to this page, I'm a big fan! I'm looking for a specific fic: there's a cultural show being put on by the whole gang and Wei Ying is specifically doing a dance for it but he needs to have body paint and LZ graciously volunteers for it. He ends up writing characters out of an ancient poem that Huaisang tells him is LZ basically marking him for his own. It's not idiots in love, though that one was great as well. Thank you in advance! @nebuluscharlie

FOUND? Out of the Bin and Into Your Heart by Alaceron (T, 27k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fake/Pretend relationship, Oblivious WWX)

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#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic finder #wangxian fic search #the untamed #wangxianficfinder #long post

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figcookie01 · 8 months

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some queer and misc. analysis of trish una

im not sure if everyone saw my addition on this post here proposing the theory that bucciarati is a "parental" character in a non-traditional and queer sense, but i wanted to continue that discussion by talking about trish now.. since to me, she has what could be described as araki's first attempt at a true character arc for a female character, who simultaneously has elements that read like queer self-actualization that we watch unfold throughout the story.

for the purposes of this analysis, what is important to recognize about trish's introduction is how she is figuratively (team bucciaratis mission to protect her will get them closer to giorno/bucciaratis goals) and literally (his only known relative and identifiable factor at the start) linked to her father; she loses her mother (loving supportive family), is thrust into a horrifying world out to harm her for factors beyond her control, and is expected to blindly trust her father and by extension his men assigned to protect her. its no wonder she is so guarded, but my point here is how this establishes trish as starting off vulnerable and uncertain of the world she's inadvertently embroiled in beyond her safe upbringing with her mother.

nevertheless, trish is repeatedly described as having the willpower to figure these things out for her own sake, and a tenacity for these frightening events (la squadra's attacks) beyond that on the average person. both giorno and abbacchio mention it at different points (although abbacchios line is changed to narancias in the anime).

perhaps the most notable early example of her gumption is what she first says at the end of the grateful dead/beach boy fight. although bucciarati is not at liberty to answer her questions about both why she is being attacked, and also what the truth about these strange powers are.

however, id argue this is in line with what has been previously established for bucciarati's character to say; that it is up to trish herself to determine what these things mean, especially if they are related to her intrinsic identity.

this continues once they arrive in venice at the church, where we get to see trish's human vulnerability and fear. something i find particularly interesting is that, above all else, she is afraid of the uncertainty about what her father will be like and her personal fate.

this was one of the original things i wanted to talk about under a queer reading; for a queer person to come out to their family, there sometimes may be a concern about alienation of self. that is, coming out may, figuratively and literally, feel like you are revealing an entire side or life you live that they know nothing about. it may be about seeking approval from those who are, in many cases, a major part of life and your upbringing; she wants this week from hell to be over so she can return to some semblance of normalcy as herself, and her father is her only hope for this then.

something of particular note that bucciarati responds with is the probability that she will be given an entire new identity and forced to uproot even further, separated in even her most fundamental identity from the life she once led for the sake of her fathers comfort. even before the horrific reception her father gives her, trishs chances of being accepted as she is and loved are poor, a matter that might be incredibly common for people who try to express who they really are to unwelcoming families.

in trishs case, diavolo has literally never met her at all in any capacity, nor was he present in her upbringing; there is an extra factor of blind faith she must put into him. but he is the only biological "family" shes got; we will talk about nontraditional families and team bucciarati in a moment.

for this reason, bucciarati assures her (whether it is of his own doomed naivety or something else entirely) that a family will love you no matter what, because thats what they do. its a value that, up until that next moment, was something he himself had complete faith in.

as the rest of this arc shows though, that wasnt the case for trish, and never would be.

the events at san giorgio are the turning point for the entirety of vento aureo, with trish at the center of it all. and while this analysis is focused on trish, i wanted to include how it is also an earth-shattering moment for bucciarati, now faced with the culminating reality that the boss never gave a shit about family in the first place, and was only after his selfish desire to be unknowable. his attempted murder of his innocent civilian daughter invokes, to me, the needless cruelty some unaccepting families may have towards their children upon coming out or other realization that their child is both related to them, but not in a way they deem acceptable.

while it is laid out rather straightforwardly, this needless cruelty from biological family is relatable enough to change narancias mind and follow bucciarati after he betrays the gang; cementing once more that the only bonds of trust these characters have are with one another, since not even their biological families will care for them, let alone society.

at the restaurant in venice, narancia is still fearful about how trish will receive this absolute rejection, but her reception is surprisingly determined.

in the past, ive seen this scene used as the real point where trish as a female character finally comes into her own as a person, but as we previously established, she really had it in her all along, and it was only put to the test then (more on her innate courage in a moment).

trish, like the rest of team bucciarati, has no choice but to persist as she is, to exist as her own person even if all the odds are against her. not only this, but she tentatively decides to join in bucciaratis cause, a move that she explains as just to find her own origins or die trying. at this point, her motive might be concerned only with herself, but throughout the notorious BIG fight, that matter changes.

aboard the plane to sardinia, trish grapples with the willingness of team bucciarati to pursue diavolo, even after they no longer are required to protect her. i would say this is when she begins to feel comradery with the team and their cause to exist boldly in the face of someone all-powerful (diavolo) who wishes they were dead, rather than just being someone or something reduced to a secondary role (although how shes treated after this fight is another story...)

the moment trish realizes that she alone can save giorno (and therefore, the entirety of the team), she is struck with the final dilemma of whether or not she wants to get involved with all of these things on the front lines. she decides she does, without being fully conscious of it, because of the courage now awakened and manifested in-full as her stand, spice girl.

spice girl is unique as a stand for being one of the few that seems to have her own consciousness, although it really is a part of trishs consciousness that was always a part of her, now fully realized in literal, physical form.

the courage required for her stand to now fully manifest was in her all along, and under a queer lens this could be likened to a person now being able to live authentically as they are, the incongruity mostly solved now that she has grown as a person and has a (support) group/system of those who have had similar experiences.

notorious BIG concludes with trish delivering her own beatdown and saving all of the team, seeming to fully cement her as a force to be reckoned with within the jojo universe and her nuanced personhood that had been building this entire time.

all this in mind, this isnt to say that trish's character doesnt feel stunted by araki after this point, for no other reason than misogyny. her destruction rank-A level stand and fighting prowess is forgotten after they arrive in sardinia, and during the green day/oasis fight she is conveniently relegated to the caretaker position for narancia, even if giorno is the "healer" and her own stand stronger than his in combat. i would argue the biggest injustice towards trish as a fully fledged character was the enforcement of these stereotypically feminine roles on a character who, as weve just discussed, has learned to be confident, courageous, and unapologetically herself throughout the entirety of vento aureo.

when i first set out to write this post, i was concerned with talking about trish from an almost entirely queer angle. it evolved, then, into something much more full-bodied, with that being simply one lens you can apply to her character arc.

id love to discuss these things (and the stuff in my bucciarati analysis) at greater lengths, and also want to say that despite writing this over a period of time, i may have messed up my wording or made points that seem like reaches... none of this is meant to speak for the experiences of any real person, and are rather generalizations. i hope that regardless of these things, more people can see vento aureo for the narrative value i really think it has, especially to the queer fanbase who, including myself, may relate heavily to the subtextual experiences depicted.

special thanks to @fur-bee for going through this with me and giving me key insights and for my other friends to proofread and such :D

#trish una #vento aureo #jjba #writing #queer analysis #idk what to tag as... hmm lots of thoughts here #also sorry some panels have a black line at the top? my screenshot program does that sometimes

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cdd-system-help · 22 days

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Altersoul / Otherbeing

[pt: altersoul or otherbeing. end pt]

Other names: Alterhuman, Alterbeing, Alterentity

flag is a wip

Altersoul is a term that refers to someone who does not fit the traditional standard of what is considered human, and/or does not identify as human. This can include non-human system members and introjects; however, it also includes singlets who don't quite fit the term human, or identify as non-human to an extent.

Otherbeing includes:

Therian, phytanthrope, otherkin, and fictionkin identities

Spiritual self-identities which may or may not still include degrees of humanity, such as angelics, celestials, god-shards, reincarnated gods, vampires, etc.

Identities of alternative humanity through dissociation, trauma response, or neurodivergent mental status.

Any other non-harmful self identification that will be seen as non-human

This term EXCLUDES people that identify as plural median, and walk-in AS an alterhuman identity. You can only be a system through trauma and it's not an identity you can put on whenever you want.

If you don't like this post just block and move on.

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the-bar-sinister · 1 month

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Fandom | Fanfiction | Self Ship | Whump

👉 he/they | queer | married | adult | elder millennial

👉 plural | fictionkin (serious/spiritual)

👉 Muti shipper | Poly shipper

Our Website | Our System Directory | Our F/O lists

Archive of our Own account

No DNI we block at will 🫡

Frequent tags:

Selfship

Villain f/o

whump prompts

text post meme

blog updates

friend mail

Current Fixation: Ace Atttorney.

Source fandoms: Resident Evil, Metal Gear, Marvel Comics, Persona games, Slayers anime, GTA V, Great/Ace Attorney, Homestuck, Danganronpa, Fire Emblem Three Houses, Urusei Yatsura, Digimon, Girls Frontline, Steven Universe, Pathologic, Jem & The Holograms, Peter Pan, Welcome to Demon School, Disgaea, Sherlock Holmes media

non-source fandoms: Invader Zim, ABC’s Lost, Twin Peaks, Silent Hill, Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, Vampire Chronicles (books), Doctor Who Labyrinth, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Final Fantasy (4-9), Pokemon, Black Lagoon, Miami Vice, Bioshock, Bioshock Infinite, Prey 2017, Dishonored, Call of Duty, Red Dead Redemption, Frankenstein, the Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Gargoyles, Fallout New Vegas

Favorite genres: horror, mystery, thriller, noir, crime fiction, psychological thriller, supernatural horror, sci fi horror, gothic lit

Shipping, plurality and squick explanations under the cut.

Our ships: We are a polyshipper and a multishipper. We ship multiple characters together in the same context, in the same relationship, in the same fics etc.

A "ship" for us does not equal in OTP or an ideal relationship. We use the word "ship" to denote any romantic or sexual relationship between two characters, even when that relationship is unhealthy, toxic, twisted, and bad for one or both participants. Ships are a narrative tool, not something aspirational.

Plurality: We are a plural system– many people living together in one body. We have been plural since we were children, and we have been blogging about our plurality for 15+ years.

Please do not use psychiatric or pathologizing terminology for our plurality. We do not refer to ourselves with terms like DID, alter, or introject, and our system members do not have defined roles.

Our preferred terminology is: plural, system member, and fictive.

System members tend to sign or tag posts and refer to one another with a two emoji 'signature' rather than a name. Unsigned posts are understood to be a product of multiple members or a joint consensus.

squicks / tropes we prefer to avoid

non-con of any kind (but especially underage non-con and non-con incest)

pregnancy & babies (especially as the joyful and expected result of a romantic hetero-presenting relationship)

nonbinary or trans characters deciding it's better for them to perform their assigned gender at birth

Characters submitting to the will of a lawful aligned god.

Parental control and discipline being shown as narratively positive and correct

characters giving up their careers and aspirations and 'settling down' when they fall in love

prophecies that are unavoidable and/or narratively depicted as inherently good and just

characters following the life-path set out for them by their parents/following in their parents footsteps

filial duty and filial piety in general

pretty much anything to do with traditional family structures, gender roles, and lawful aligned religion, honestly

wing whump / characters having their monstrous or inhuman traits harmed

monstrous or inhuman characters becoming human (especially when presented as positive)

soul destruction / soul death

characters being metaphysically kept apart for all time

any kind of 'conversion therapy' or metaphorical conversion therapy (especially being portrayed as positive)

We are:

non-christian | magical practitioner | chaotic neutral

polyamorous | largely aplatonic

trauma survivor | abuse survivor

Weird | Freakish | Monstrous

on sibling coded ships

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idololivine · 2 months

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the idololivine fic compendium

this is what the cool fic writers are using as their pinned posts now, right?

Gen or Multi

Product Testing

EiEd, QuinEi, EiOli, KuyaEi | Short, non-explicit vignettes of Eiden testing sex toys with the lads.

if I could begin to be (half of what you think of me)

Eiden/Everyone, background implied polyclan | Fusion AU, light angst with a happy ending, found family.

epsilon

Character study vignettes within non-traditional omegaverse.

Alphabet Soup

Random Bullshit Go, omegaverse style. Dumping ground for snippets I wanted to write but weren't hefty enough to be a standalone oneshot.

green carnations

Olivine gets sick with hanahaki disease in the lead-up to chapter 4.

caretaker

Karu & Olivine | Omegaverse sickfic, Olivine takes care of Karu. Written for NU Flash Fic.

Eiden/Olivine

weathering the storm

Blade & Garu | Pre-game. It's storming and they're cuddling platonically. Written for NU Flash Fic.

Iterative Design

Eiden tests various sex toys on Olivine, vignette style.

Hands-On Learning

Explicitly consensual and fairly generic omegaverse porn, ft. omega Olivine and none-of-the-above Eiden.

In Love and War

Painplay fic. Olivine gets hurt in a routine fight and Eiden notices that Olivine's horny about it.

Office Hours

Impact play fic. Eiden spanks Olivine with a ruler.

if i've been enveloped in tenderness

Hurt/comfort, Eiden regulates Olivine after chapter 11. No longer canon compliant as of chapter 12.

Much Ado About Knotting

Omegaverse modern AU. Ft beta Eiden, omega Olivine, a prosthetic knot, and omegaverse as a way to discuss gender and predetermined roles. Written for Knot In My Name.

got milk?

The milk fic.

Morvay/Olivine

the body keeps the score

Olivine briefly relapses in self-harm, and seeks Eiden out for comfort. No smut.

Edmond/Olivine

Studies in Demonology

Olivine questioning the church's stance on demons, reading books about it, and then fucking Morvay, in that order. Olivine's first time topping.

Quincy/Olivine

courtship token

Omegaverse fake dating AU. Written for NU Flash Fic.

Olivine/Garu

oh, the weather outside is frightful

Remember when the Festive Glimmer trio had a sleepover? Dante falls asleep and then wakes up to find quinoli going at it. Non-explicit sex, mostly about the humor.

Blade/Olivine

a helping hand

The omegaverse fic where Olivine helps Garu through the beginnings of a heat until Eiden comes home. Written for Two Wolves.

Learning by Doing

Omegaverse porn, and no one's even in heat! More of an excuse for me to make people read my (fairly basic) worldbuilding. Ft. omega Olivine and none-of-the-above Blade.

Dante/Olivine

knife's edge

The knifeplay fic. Hefty dose of polyclan, and apparently it's unexpectedly cute for being, well, a knifeplay fic.

Quincy/Eiden/Olivine

summa cum laude

The Collab Fic Ever! Dante/Eiden by @requiodile and Dante/Quincy by @zerenovation. Dante gets a three part crash course in being a better top.

Quincy/Eiden

Tying the Knot

Explicitly consensual omegaverse porn, now with knotting! Ft. omega Olivine, alpha Quincy, and none-of-the-above Eiden.

A Boner to Pick

The t4t fic. More of an extended dick joke than anything, really.

New Bone Plus

t4t fic now with porn. Ft phalloplasty, boner magic, and Eiden topping Quincy.

#my posts #nu carnival #writing tag #my fics #nu carnival fanfic #“average nuca fic writer writes 16.7% genfic” is a statistical error. genfic colla‚

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callsign-rogueone · 3 months

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meet the characters / a note on series

Angel, Duchess, Darling, Sweetheart, Peach, Love, and Sunny are nicknames for reader in my multi-chapter Fourth Wing fics. For cohesiveness and ease, each has been given a surname and backstory, and are treated like canon characters, while still being you.

Garrick’s girlfriend, Angel, (Lieutenant Avan) is Xaden and Garrick’s age, and has been close friends with them since childhood, as her father worked alongside Xaden’s. She bears a rebellion relic like they do, which she often keeps covered with long sleeves. She believes there is a non-violent solution to nearly every problem, refusing to harm anyone unless absolutely necessary. Her friends respect this, making sure she is well-protected from those who see her kindness as weakness. Angel is quiet, preferring not to rock the boat, as it is difficult for her to stand up for herself, and she is sensitive to any kind of conflict, especially within her friend group. She struggles with self-worth, and considers her own needs to be less important than everyone else’s, so she will not hesitate to use her signet to heal others even though it wears on her heavily to do so. Start reading here.

Brennan’s wife, Duchess, (Major Aisereigh, Lady Lindell) is the daughter and sole heir of the Tyrrish Duke of Lindell. Her culture is of deep importance to her. She is fluent in the old language, wears her hair in traditional braids, and is skilled in weaving runes. She met Brennan at Basgiath, where they were both at the top of their class, and she became a wingleader in her third year. The riot holds Duchess in high regard, as they recognize her genuine love of dragonkind and her ability as a leader. For this reason, she is allowed to speak to others’ dragons, a privilege that very few others are afforded, and she acts as an ambassador between them and the riders. She is calm, wise, and graceful, as nobility must be, but she doesn't like to mention her status, preferring to earn the respect of others through her actions. Start reading here.

Ridoc’s crush, Sweetheart, caught his attention in part due to her strong skills in hand-to-hand combat, which she was taught by Garrick after they were taken in by the same family. Like Liam, she has a deep respect for Xaden and the older marked ones, following their orders without hesitation and staying out of trouble. Sweetheart has chronic anxiety, and uses her illusion signet to make calm projections of butterflies, flowers, or other gentle things to soothe herself when she feels overwhelmed or scared. She keeps to herself, not wanting to get attached to others for fear that she’ll lose them as she did her parents and older siblings, content to come across as cold and indifferent if it means people will leave her alone. Start reading here.

Bodhi’s girlfriend, Darling, (Section Leader Laurent) is the “mom friend” of the marked group. As the eldest daughter of Tyrrish aristocrats, she was raised to be a woman of society rather than a warrior, though she was able to become a skilled fighter with the help of Bodhi and Xaden. She excels at traditionally feminine tasks like sewing and baking, and finds comfort in taking care of others, especially the younger marked ones. Her signet gives her small glimpses of the future, though the sights are not always pleasant. She often seeks out Bodhi for comfort afterward, as he is good at reassuring her that everything will be okay and that it is not too late to change things. Her friends trust her intuition, heeding her warnings without question.

[others coming soon! watch this space!]

#the archives #Garrick and Angel #Brennan and Duchess #Ridoc and Sweetheart #Bodhi and Darling

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jellyfishfem · 1 year

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What I want non-jewish people to know

So I made a post about people being shit allies to jewish people. I decided that I’m gonna write about how they can improve bc well, this is my blog and I’d like to share my thoughts. Disclaimer: I am an ashkenazi jew, from eastern europe, living in central europe, so just keep that in mind while reading through this text. My experiences may be different from jews living in a different place.

First off, I think it’d be really helpful if we stopped equating goblins with jews. My views are that while they were probably a mockery of jews in the beginning of time, when people started telling tales and stories, today they are just common folklore characters. Same goes for witches, who make a mockery of old women. Also, I noticed that people come up with more and more “antisemitic” stuff about this new HP game. I think that being like “well thats actually jewish!! That too!! So many jewish things in this game!! Jews are everywhere!!” Is weird.

Don’t compare things to the Holocaust (or any other genocide). It is so so distasteful to equate the horrors of the Holocaust to things like women joking about “it’s either a girl or an abortion” or having to get certain vaccines.

Educate yourself on judaism. I am BEGGING you to read stuff about different topics and different opinions within jewish communities. Please please expand your circle if you are interested in being an ally. Some examples:

Messianic judaism and why a lot of jews find it harmful

Festivities, traditions

Israel - Palestine

The different branches of judaism, like orthodox, conservative, etc.

The Talmud, Kabbala, Torah, what exactly are they?

Stand up for us irl!!!! Being bold in the comments section is easy. A place where I faced a LOT of antisemitism was in school. For example, we went to concentration camp and half the class, even some of my friends, started making jokes with punchlines about gas. I really wished someone had atleast told me that they were there for me but the other half of the class was just silent. Internet activism like posting an infographic about the rates of antisemitic hatecrimes is not very helpful. It’s kind of silent. Calling out self-identifying nazis (surprisingly common in the country I live in) isn’t. Telling your jewish friends they can rant/vent to you about jewish issues too isn’t. Hosting a Hanukka party isn’t.

Cover/paint over/remove nazi symbols. In my country, they can be scribbled on walls, painted on walls and trains, stickers sticked on lamp posts. Also, if you find one in places like a dorm, you can reach out to the dorm’s office and ask them if they can do something about it. They can get it painted over and also send out an email regarding this. I think it’s important to signal that the office does not stand for this and will not be silent about it.

If you can think of more ways to help, feel free to add some other points! Or if you just want to share your experiences

(sorry for any english mistakes)

#judaism #jewish #harry potter #jk rowling #hogwarts legacy #radfem #radfem safe

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desolationblvd · 1 year

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SEVERAL DIFFERENT DEFINITIONS MAY BE ASCRIBED TO THE TERM “BLOODLUST”; IN THIS INSTANCE ANY OF THEM ARE APPLICABLE. THE TRADITIONAL USAGE POINTS IN A VAGUE, NON-SEXUAL DIRECTION: NOT LITERAL LUST, BUT A WANTING, NOT NECESSARILY LITERAL BLOOD, BUT A VIOLENCE. THEN IT MAY ALSO BE MORE SPECIFIC: STILL NOT A LITERAL LUST, BUT A HUNGER SPECIFICALLY FOR BLOOD- THIS IS VAMPIRIC IN NATURE. VAMPIRISM IS THEN TAKEN TO ITS NATURAL CONCLUSION, THE LAST EVOLUTION OF THE TERM “BLOODLUST,” IN WHICH ALL BARRIERS HAVE BEEN BROKEN DOWN. IT IS JUST AS VAGUE AS THE ORIGINAL DEFINITION, BUT INFINITELY MORE INTIMATE. A LUST WHICH IS BOTH SEXUAL AND HUNGRY. A HUNGER FOR BOTH THE SUBSTANCE OF BLOOD ITSELF IN ADDITION TO AN OBSESSIVE DESIRE TO CONSUME ANOTHER BEING, TO HARM, TO DESIRE HARM INFLICTED ON THE LOVER OR PERHAPS VICTIM AND EXPECTING A RECIPROCAL DRAINING TO BE INFLICTED ON THE SELF- TO TRANSFORM ANOTHER INTO THE SAME ANIMAL THAT YOU HAVE BECOME. WHAT WAS ONCE PREDATORY BECOMES SYMBIOTIC, AND THEN CODEPENDENT.

#my writing

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queerbrainrot · 4 months

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A Very Subjective Show Recommendation

Basic Info:

Titles: Word of Honor

Main Leads: Zhang Zhe Han as Zhou Zi Shu and Gong Jun as Wen Ke Xing

How many episodes: 36

Trigger Warnings / Content Warnings: Non-graphic non-traditional self-harm, child abuse, child death, death of family members, death of loved ones, drugging, alcohol, torture, forced suicide via poison, non-graphic non-traditional suicide attempt, violence, brainwashing, hints of incest (between cousins), sexual harassment (background character perpetrator @ background characters, secondary femme character - perpetrator gets killed)

My plot description:

Zhou Zishu who is a former Wuxia-CIA leader gets so mentally unwell that he decides to leave his organization through a prolonged suicide to get at least few years of 'normal' life. He pretends to be a homeless alcoholic-beggar when a too pretty poetry-speaking Wen Kexing who sees Zishu's shoulder blades and decides 'that's my future husband'. Since that moment onward he stalks Zishu because yes he's that unwell. Zishu stumbled on a massacre and accidentally adopts an orphan in the process. The orphan has some very sought-after artefact so Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing try to keep him alive as the not-so metaphorical ghosts from their pasts try to kill them all.

MyDramaList plot description:

In order to leave the assassin organization The Window of Heaven, the leader Zhou Zi Shu performs an obligatory departure technique, leaving him with three years left to live. He disguises his face and tries to live the remainder of his days as a drunkard wandering the martial arts world. Three months later, he meets the mysterious Wen Ke Xing, who immediately notices Zhou Zi Shu’s façade. The two then grow closer when they get entangled in a conspiracy regarding the Glazed Armor, a protected legendary key to a powerful armory.

SCORING:

Chemistry between characters: Off the charts, convinced this show and the amount of the not subtle queerness in it is the reason why China did a temporary ban on queer romance adaptations. 1000000/10. Gong Jun made 'did you know i like men' into a facial expression.

Plot: 8.5/10, yes we have the artefact and armory thing but honestly the relationship of the leads and their relationships with others take the main chair. Overall though I liked the plot.

Ending: Cried. From two reasons. 10/10.

Did it drag aka did I feel the need to skip forward: Never, I rewatched it in full like 5 times by now I think. 10/10.

Was it easy to understand while going in blind: Honestly? Yes. It's more character driven than plot driven. 10/10.

Other characters: Honestly, loved everyone on screen. Obviously the villains were hate-able, but played well. Loved all of the supportive characters - especially Wen Kexing's and Zhou Zishu's little found family - so it was nice to watch even when main leads weren't on screen for X time. 10/10.

Other Big Pros:

Wen Kexing's costumes. His make up and wardrobe. Whoever was responsible - I hope your pillow is cool and you may never stub your toe. Chefs kiss.

Gu Xiang and her himbo husband - all they needed was her walking him on a literal leash along with the metaphorical they already have.

Zishu's wigs look amazing. Just wanted to say.

Everyone is so pretty I'm experiencing bisexual rage.

STRONG!!! WOMEN!! WHO ROCK!!! SHIT!!!! UPPPPPP!!!

Thoughts/Opinions with some spoilers:

I know this show gave a heart attack to few censors at least. I have no idea how they got away with so much - ZZS and WKX calling each other sOULMATES? Overall cannot recommend it enough. It's easily digestible, engaging and will have you crying, squeeing and fanning yourself. Sometimes all at the same time.

#qbr show recommendations #word of honor #cdrama #chinese drama #bl series #censored queer romance #show recommendations #wenzhou #wen kexing #zhou zishu #faraway wanderers #queer shows #queer romance adaptation #censored cdrama

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unhappytimeleaper · 1 year

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Word Count: 1,320+

Yes. This is self-indulgent because I already had half of it written on some Discord server from my 1 am ramblings, and I was thinking about it again.

I left the server I was in that initially kinda took up all my focus from writing; I don’t know if that means I’ll post more or not cause really, I’m just back to feeling lonely and not motivated. It means now I just don’t have people to talk to about games or other media I love, but oh well. I’ll force all of you to listen to that I was replaying Our Life and XOXO Droplets, and I love the characters. All I wanna do now is play those games on repeat.

Also, so like, platonic yandere’s aren’t always my favorite to write, but I love platonic yan Ortho. There is something so fun and scary about it. It is kinda ironic, but Ortho and Kalim are some of my favorite yandere in TWST; not really my favorite characters, but I think they are so scary in a fun way in a non-traditional way, but both kind of align in the same vein. Regardless I do plan on focusing on Ortho in this post, but one day maybe I’ll get to Kalim.

Ortho Shroud; Unedited. Gender Neutral Reader.

Warnings; yandere content, light manipulation and guilting if you’re sensitive to that. Incase you can’t read and need to see it again this is platonic; think more babysitter-siblings dynamic.

This blog is 17+ please have your age in your bio or tagged; any ageless blog and below the age asked for will be blocked at the end of the week.

What makes Ortho stand out is that he is a kid. In every sense, as fancy as his technology is, as much as it's hard to perceive him as just a kid under all that gear, that's what he is. It's easy to forget since he can come off as ‘beyond his years’ at time. Even more than that, it's easy to forget how needy kids are. In every aspect of what it means to help others grow into essentially good adults, although there is the problem, Ortho will never reach that stage, and no matter what positive approach you take to his overbearing habits, they end up blending back too much with the childish sentience he's adopted.

Ortho probably has learned a handful of his more harmful traits from Idia, although we can't say the negative aspects from other students probably haven't also caused some damage. However, where certain things might differ is that Ortho's actions never come from a place of wanting to harm you or even anger, unlike some of the others whose yandere traits are brought forward more when experiencing an influx of negative emotions they wish to also make your experience. Ortho takes all of these emotions and processes them through a childish lens— one who becomes horribly clingy and desperate for attention/validation. As much as technology can help download guides about emotions, the "proper" way to handle jealousy/fears/loneliness, and worse, access the opposite files of what should be done for immense feelings, none of it can be put to practical use. Reading about it doesn't solve the problem; instead, Ortho can only verbatim read out information rather than put it to use from what is left of his little kid brain. Much like any young person, just hearing about how to handle situations regarding emotions doesn't actually mean they can use those tools until taught. Ortho just lacks someone to teach him how to process these feelings and the ability to innately comprehend them.

It's not like anyone has an issue with Ortho, they always play nice, but Ortho can tell it's not the same as how they treat each other. He feels it in his... gears... and hears it in their voices, he may be unable to verbalize the differences, but it's something he is at least cognisant over. He knows his brother loves him, and he loves him too, but Idia is locked away so often it gets lonely. And it's hard for him to connect with others on campus other than when trying to help; most don't want to play babysitter [even if everyone is well aware that’s not what Ortho needs or wants but how else are you gonna have a friendship with a kid], and even then, knowing how to interact with a dead child-robot AI is more than a little… off-putting at times. The world is at his fingertips, and no one really has worked with Ortho on what is left of his human side, making everything personal hard to connect with.

So if Idia needs his… space… Ortho comes clinging to the next best person. You! The newbie; the person who seems to not really have a preset concept of his creation and works to mainly treat him for what he is. A kid. And for the most part, he's great to have around— he's kind, easily fascinated [thus easily entertained], and genuinely seems to want to help those around him without expecting anything in return. It's an enjoyment to what, in your terms, would be similar to babysitting the lil robo boy, even to the point you might go to Idia asking if it's okay to take him off his hands to do something. What once was an occasional thing slowly started becoming routine. While it's easy to treat him like any other kid, there are some benefits you get to reap having him being some sort of "friend," like him helping you with the bit of school work you might have [his searching functions are so much better than trying to use some textbooks that probably are growing something].

Well, it's all great until his little brother tendencies get out of hand. Overtly clingy and easily jealous of anything that can take your attention away. Trying to read? Sorry, Ortho wants to play; you'll help him with this techno thing he found. Right? He reaalllly wants to do it together, please? Your other dorm friends come to hang out? But you said you'd spend the day with him [even though you're pretty sure you didn't], and he has a hard time fitting in when you all hang out… didn't you say you'd take him to the amusement park after Idia got too nervous about going?

The grip he has with his arms around yours is starting to hurt, bone-crushing and cutting off the circulation to your hand… it's hard to not give in to him just to get him to loosen up. The grin he has when you agree, noting you'll let the others know you can make it results in a fractured smile. You know he doesn't mean any harm, and you are genuine with that sentiment. He doesn't know how crushing his grip can't get or that you don't want to play babysitter 25/8. That as much as you like spending time with Ortho, it's the same as others— you can't really be "friends" in a traditional way and sometimes want to connect with others your own age. It gets to the point though Ortho doesn't see this as a friendship. No, you're more like another sibling to him, right. One who can do all the others sibling things, Idia cannot deal with his own issues-- you aren't replacing Idia in his life but adding onto the experience. And now you have a family here, which makes it much less isolating than when you just have friends. There isn't a reason to try to find a way home now; you have one with your new brother. Ortho likely doesn't even know his actions are manipulative or isolating; he's just a very needy kid who lacks motivation beyond wanting a connection with someone. Anyone. But it's hard to bring up these issues with someone so young, who, when you do, barely can understand and, when pushed as you've been warned, can do severe damage from facing these "big emotions" like rejection. Being robotic and so powerful doesn't mix well with the feelings of a small child; these fears only experienced with Idia being in what was considered danger before but have grown to include you. More than just danger now, too; it's jealousy, it's rejection, it's anxieties.

Before you know it, you're pretty much completely isolated. Ortho is so, so happy to have a new friend, and over time, you've gotta pretty close with Idia as Ortho loves dragging you to spend the day with him too. It's gotten to the point where updates and equipment for Ortho can only be done if he knows your nearby as well. It's comforting to have his… psudeosibling… best friend there when he's done. And as you sit there weeping at how much of a mess it's become, Ortho will be there to comfort you— he doesn't understand why you're upset, but it's his duty to make you feel better, and he'll go as far as he can't to bring back those happy days spent with him. This time Idia can really be involved… don't cry anymore. You have the two of them to make it all better. Right?

Also, things get really bad; Ortho tries to play matchmaker with you and Idia. Make the sibling thing official. That creates a whole different mess. This could go two ways depending on if Idia is also Yandere, but I also think it's funny to explore an Idia who has no interest in you romantically, but little yan Ortho just wants you to be officially connected to him. Not just some weird babysitter-friend but family! Official family, then you really wouldn't be able to shake him from your life. Of course, all of that is suited to a different post.

#twst.leaps #yandere #yandere fanfiction #yandere x reader #yandere character #yandere writing #yandere twst #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere ortho #yandere ignihyde #tw: yandere #if I see even one person misinterpret that this is not platonic I am burning this site down #yandere headcanons

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celestiall0tus · 4 days

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Even if you didn't intend negative implications, they are still there and may hurt real people.

The "future vs past" motivation behind distribution of Syren's Song characters seems a bit far-fetched to me. Kagami and Sabine are supposed to be connected to their traditional cultures. Marinette and Nino (and Sabine) aren't connected to futuristic themes in any way. And lot of characters on the hero list aren't known for a connection with the past.

On the mental health thing with Bloody Bug, I am not saying mental health topics should not be explored, but when all characters of colour who have mental health issues just so happen to have them of a dangerous to others and "scary" kinds - violence and obsession - and the only white character with mental health issues, Luka, has social anxiety, which is harmless for people around and is perceived by society as an "endearing" trait, a "gentle lamb" as opposed to being seen as a "monster", it kind of doesn't look well.

The problem wouldn't stand this much if you gave any white character non-pretty issues to deal with. There's Chloe who in your story doesn't even feel much conflict between her former cruel self and her current heroic self or any relapses (bad habits die hard) but is just magically a good person now, there's Sabrina who has been traumatized by Chloe earlier and also did messed-up things that also were forgotten by everyone including herself next moment, there's Adrien who had a lot of non-pretty issues in canon that could be explored, there's Felix who even if he's better than his canon self, still isn't a sweet kid but is moved offstage by the narrative. Exploring at least one or better several of these could balance the scales.

And while you have the right to have topics you react painfully to, so do other people. And negative racial stereotypes are real and harm people. Including portraying Middle Eastern people as violent. Including portraying Asian girls as obsessive. Including applying blatantly different standards to wrongs done by people of different origin. And that IS a bothering thing. And I am being serious. I am asking you not to argue with me and defend yourself but think of the effect your stories can have. Think of people who get treated as "unstable" in Western countries due to their origins, who experienced being condemned for things while other people's faults get glossed over, and need encouragement and support from stories, not further condemnation. Please don't make it about your hurt dignity instead, or about how I'm too ignorant to understand complexity of your stories. Because it isn't about me either.

Nope. Nope. Nope! Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck everything and everyone. You hit every button to trigger everything and now I'm retaliating. Now I'm lashing out.

First of all, Siren's Song is full fucking AU, bitch. I can write the characters how I fucking please. I don't have to stay to fucking canon if I don't fucking want to. Do you think Nathalie is a pscyopathic killer bent on suicide? Do you see Marinette suffer from severe depression after being in a car crash that took everything except her life? Do you see Adrien making a deal with a kwami to live at least one more year before he dies? No? Then why the fuck bring canon into a completely different AU that you know absolutely nothing about? Especially when there has only been two AUs of mine that pull from canon and even then, those are divergences.

Speaking of, let's cover that Bloody Bug again. Second, how fucking dare you. Social anxiety is harmless? Who the fuck do you think you are? Do you have any idea how damning that is to people? I may not suffer from it, but I have friends and family that do. I've had to watch and still watch that anxiety keep them interacting with people "normally" and see them question what is wrong with them when they hit that low point. It's not fun to watch and is damning. I don't fucking care what your society, yes your society, sees it as. Social anxiety is a massive fucking bitch. Not to mention "normal" people questioning what is wrong with them like they're a problem.

Third, I understand the harm things can cause PoC, but canon is no better. I had a friend warn me about making Nathaniel the goat like he is in canon because of the negative connection between Jewish individuals and goats. It was then that I learned that Nathaniel was Jewish and saw it on the Wiki. Fuck's sake, I wouldn't have known Alix was Arab unless I looked on the wiki and saw it. Until Bloody Bug, I thought she was just a French girl. I even had friends that were surprised to hear she's Arab-French. Furthermore, Alix is shown multiple times to be afraid of her anger and that violence that is a trigger of anger. She is seen fighting it until she hits her low when she gives into it, as is usually the case for anyone. If I was just depicting her as angry and violent with no real reason, I'd consider your words, but I'm not. There is reason to her anger and violence for the first two seasons. However, season 3, it's not there. Why? Character growth and development. Alix has gone through that big arc and can now focus on being a better person.

Four, Marinette is just as obsessive as in canon. The only difference is I am taking it seriously as a disorder that is being taken advantage of by a manipulative person, causing it to fester rather than a haha look how silly she is. You want to talk harming, lump canon in with my stuff because that's where it all comes from. This has already been implied with the reveal in the prior chapter of Bloody Bug that Mayura likely has her hooks in Marinette. As I said before, Marinette won't be able to get better until the end of season 3 when she is freed of Mayura's clutches. But that doesn't matter so long as it's displayed once, right? Who cares about the character's journey to be more than what they were, right?

Fifth, Chloe and Sabrina aren't the same as they are in canon. Chloe had her cruel moments, but wasn't as bad as she was in canon. Sabrina may have been misused from time to time by Chloe, but they were ultimately friends. Yes, the spider thing still happened, but kids are naturally cruel, so I kept that. Adrien's issues all revolved around his unrequited love for Ladybug and neglect as a hero. Take away those issues, you lose a lot of what he was. That's why here he's more of a cinnamon roll than in canon. Felix is still an ass, but he isn't actively destroyed Adrien's life like he was in earlier seasons. You'll be seeing more of him soon, but he's still an ass.

Sixth, this is close 3rd person for the second time. A lot of things are going to happen in the background because they aren't important to ADRIEN AND ALIX and their stories. I'm not going to sit there and share every little detail that happens behind the scenes like canon does. I'm following Adrien and Alix and when they learn of something, it's like first, but using third person language.

Seventh, Everyone has their own problems in Bloody Bug. However, this isn't Miraculous AU, Paradise, Absolution, Salvation, or any other of my work. I'm not going to sit here and go through all the issues that people have and their journey to recovery. I did that with Miraculous AU because it was integral to the story, but it's not for Bloody Bug. They are there to flesh out the background characters and add pieces where canon would have just left it as a one off line. The only people who really matter are Adrien and Alix. And Alix had her arc, now it's Adrien's turn.

Eighth, fuck you. You are parading around issues that are non-issues. You are bringing attention to shit that you long since missed your opportunity on. This is far from the first Alix that has been portrayed as violent and angry. There have been others and I'll share for the class and you:

Oh look! Four other Alix that are just as angry, violent, and rebellious. At least Bloody Bug Alix feared her anger. These ones embrace it and let it fuel their rebellious spirit.

Ninth, you know what? If you want to condemn Bloody Bug for my misrepresentation, why don't we touch on all my other works, shall we? I mean, I have all day, and I'm sure you do too at this rate. I am also incredibly petty little fucking bitch that long let go of parttaking in a society that long deemed them broken and wrong, so I have no issue rising to a challenge that doesn't need to be challenged. So, why don't we? How about Miraculous AU where everyone's issues are solved so much faster because of miracle powers? What about Paradise that brings in religious and cult like idealogies and mentalities? Oh, and Paradise with the white woman wanting to purge the world all to save her dying son and all manner of people flocking to her for salvation? Or the heavy ideology that the villains in Paradise are the angels and the demons that want to keep things as they are being the heroes?

Tenth, take your canon and shove it. Unless we want to go back and forth about all my works plus canon and how they misrepresent PoC or religious groups, then you can shove off.

Eleventh, and final, I will always write for the character first. I will keep in mind the background of the character and try to represent them more than canon did, however, I will also consider the story. Is it important? Does it need to be said? How far is too far? I have considered these questions, especially for my novel, where I'm still going back and forth, but ultimately am willing to risk the plunge for the character themselves. Just as I am with Bloody Bug, Siren's Song, and every single AU I've made so far. If you don't like it, disrespectfully, block me and fuck off. Anything else you say at this point will be duly ignored and deleted.

#l0tus answers #l0tus rants #go fuck yourself #bloody bug au #siren's song au

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sarahowritesostucky · 4 months

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📖"The Carter Academy for Omega Excellence"

Rated: Explicit

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

Tags: age gap, boarding school au, a/b/o, dub-con/non-con, spanking, feminization, dumbification, sexism, misogyny, subjugation, prostate milking, discipline, D/s elements, societal issues, hurt/comfort, mentions of past self-harm, onlyfans, predatory behavior, gender politics

Summary: Bucky is not pleased when he finds out that his parents tricked him and he's being forced to stay at the school.

Author's Note: *reformatted with a few age and plot changes to adhere to Tumblr's ToS*

(Wait! I haven't read Part 1 Part 2 yet!)

Part 3 - A Pedagogy Steeped in Tradition, cont'd

Previously: “How long until you whip him into shape?” Ransom asks as they return back to Steve’s office. They’ve just walked in the room, and James is turning around to look at them as they come through the door.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Steve hems, catching the boy’s gaze and giving him a warm look. “I bet you he’ll be a new James by spring break.”

James’ eyes narrow. “Bucky,” he says.

“Excuse me?”

“My name is Bucky,” he repeats peevishly. “Nobody calls me James except my grandparents.”

Steve nods, ignoring the boy’s tone. “Nice to meet you then, Bucky. I take it Sharon had to leave?” Bucky shrugs in lieu of an answer, and Steve allows the attitude to go unchecked only because the boy’s parents are still present. “Sharon is a wonderful Handler,” he tells him instead. “I’m sure the two of you will get along famously.”

Bucky glowers at him.

Steve catches the eye of the security officer. “Mr. Rumlow, you can take up your post in the hall. Thank you for waiting with him.”

“Sir.” Brock nods and heads out.

“Oh, Bucky, just wait until you see this place, it’s so neat! It’s got such history.” Winnifred gushes about it to her son, trying to get him excited, telling him about all the different things they saw on their tour of Cragside. She calls it a “castle,” which draws a bit of a laugh from Steve.

“Hardly, Mrs. Barnes,” he chuckles.

“Oh, it’s Drysdale,” she corrects. “My name.”

Steve looks over to Bucky. “Oh. But I thought—”

“I’m remarried,” she explains. “Bucky is from my first marriage. He chooses to use his father’s surname.”

“Ah. I see. My apologies, Mrs. Drysdale.” Steve doesn’t miss the sour expression that flits over Bucky’s face. Steve clears his throat and gestures towards the couches. “I’m just having the paperwork drawn up. It should arrive soon. Would you care to take a seat while we wait? Afternoon tea’s an entire thing over here, and it is about that time.”

“Paperwork?” Bucky says, attention sharpening on them. “What paperwork?”

“Nothing to concern yourself with, little one,” Steve says, very aware of the displeasure that flits across Bucky’s face at being addressed that way.

“Whatever,” he mutters. “I’ve already decided I don’t want to go here anyway. It’s an all omegas school. Did you guys know that?” He’s asking his mother and stepfather, and Winnifred sighs while Ransom scoffs.

“It’s exactly the sort of environment you need, you little punk. Can’t be a skank here. All you can do is study. That’s what school’s for.”

“Ransom,” Winnie scolds.

“That’s the sort of thing pompous losers who can’t get laid say,” Bucky tosses back, and Steve makes a quick assumption that there is no love lost between these two.

“I’ll call for the tea,” he says, trying to stop their bickering. It works, somewhat, and the Drysdales sit across from Steve on the room’s conversation couches when the service has been delivered and set out on the coffee table between them. Steve catches Rumlow’s questioning look through the doorway as the servants are leaving, but shakes his head smally, confident that he can handle an unruly pup like Bucky all by himself, if things get testy.

Predictably, Bucky stays standing while the real adults have tea. He ignores his mother when she suggests that he have a seat, and he keeps making aggressive eye contact with Steve each time he comes over to grab another petit four off the tiered stand to eat.

“Oh Bucky, honestly,” Winnifred scolds after the fifth one. “They’re not all just for you.”

Bucky doesn’t respond to her, just shoves most of the scone in his mouth while he confronts Steve with a blunt, “I’m not even gonna apply to this place.” Steve stares him down, but Bucky doesn’t break eye contact, the little shit.

“Well,” Steve says calmly, “We’re not a university. We’re a boarding school. Our students are enrolled by their guardians. It’s more a transfer of custody than it is your traditional college application.” He watches as Bucky’s face screws up in confusion.

“What?” he says. “What are you talking about?” He turns to the couch where Winnifred and Ransom are sitting. “What’s he talking about?”

WInnifred leans forward anxiously. “Well, honey, we didn’t think you’d agree to come if we told you.”

“Told me what?” Bucky expression is rapidly darkening. He turns on Ransom with a scowl. “What is this place?”

“It’s a reform school. And you’re attending,” Ransom says.

“No. … You’re joking me right now … right? Are you shitting me?”

He shrugs. “I’ve already paid your tuition. You should be thanking me.”

“Thanking you?! I only agreed to this stupid trip because you promised we could go see Stonehenge and some castles and shit! Not so you could imprison me at some fucking oldworld boarding school in the middle of fucking nowhere! Fuck you!”

Winnifred nearly chokes on her tea. “Bucky!”

“This is a very prestigious, traditional, very expensive school, you little shit,” Ransom grits, pointing at Bucky. “Maybe they’ll actually be able to drum some manners into you, teach you how to be a proper omega. You need some good old fashioned discipline. ”

“I really don’t care what you think I need, Rancid,” Bucky snaps. “God. I should’ve known the second I saw that one guy on a leash.” He looks over at Steve with a nasty expression. “You’re one of those red pill Alphas, aren’t you? One of those incels who can’t get laid and blames all your problems on the omegas of the world and modern society and feminism and shit, right?”

“What’s with the obsession with getting laid, Mr. Barnes?” Steve drawls, completely unaffected by Bucky’s tantrum. “This is The Carter Academy for Omega Excellence. We’re a finishing school and reform facility aimed at older teens and young adults; exclusive, secure, and very well-equipped to handle whatever hissy fit you might decide to throw at us. This is a school for the rich and overindulged, but not in the ways you’re probably used to. We tame some of the most spoilt brats in Europe here. So I’d advise you to behave. Things will go much harder for you if you don’t.” Steve knows immediately from watching Bucky’s face fall that this is the first time the kid is hearing the full name of the school said out loud. He resists the urge to laugh about how clueless that makes him. The school’s emblem is printed clear as day all over the place, but Bucky has clearly missed every single sign that litters the campus. “Kids these days,” Steve simpers, staring down the boy’s rapidly darkening expression. “Noses always buried in your phones, huh?”

Bucky’s fingers grip tighter around the cellphone in his hand, glaring, and then he whips around to scowl at Ransom instead. “You,” he growls. “You tricked me!”

Ransom looks like his mind is already elsewhere—perhaps on the rest of the vacation he’s already unashamedly told Steve he plans to take without his pesky stepson in tow. “What can I say? You’re pretty easy to trick.”

“You can’t just leave me here!” Bucky squawks from around another mouthful of food, crumbs scattering to the carpet as he flings the hand that’s holding his scone. “I didn’t even know places like this were a real thing anymore! Like a fucking convent? Like some sort of fucked up juvie-meets-Hogwarts?!”

“Bucky, really,” his mother scolds, lips pursed. “You’re making a mess on Principal Rogers’ floor.”

Steve waves her off. “That’s alright, Mrs. Drysdale.” He looks at Bucky. “You’ll be surprised just how well it works, Cupcake. You’ll have no distractions from your education here.” The ‘Cupcake’ obviously goes over like a lead balloon with Bucky, if his continuing glower is anything to go by. Steve ignores the kid’s petulance and turns back to converse with the parents. “The girls’ school still operates down in Newcastle-upon-Tyne, at our original campus. A generous benefactor donated this estate, so now all of our male students attend here at Cragside.”

“Finishing school,” Bucky grumbles over to the side, still displeased. “This is bullshit.”

“Language, Mr. Barnes,” Steve corrects blithely, and keeps on with Winnifred, “My business partner, Ms. Carter, she’s to act as Headmistress there moving forward. ‘Carter Girls’ Academy’ is now its own entity and will operate independent of this institution.” He looks back to Bucky and locks eyes with him. “Sorry to disappoint you, but out here it’s just us boys, I’m afraid.”

It’s laughably obvious how Steve does not fit into any category with Bucky, let alone that of “boy,” and Steve is pleased to note a light dusting of color on the kid’s cheeks after that. Bucky goes tight-lipped once again, and Steve leaves him to his teenaged sulking as he finishes entertaining the parents and assuring them that their son will be well looked after during his time at school. The paperwork for Bucky’s admission arrives and is reviewed, and soon Mr. and Mrs. Drysdale have signed their son over to Steve’s care and are saying their goodbyes.

Winnifred pulls him into a long hug, which Bucky tolerates with limp arms. “Be good,” Steve hears her say. “And remember how generous your stepfather’s being.”

“Sixty grand a semester,” Ransom mutters on the way out, reminding Steve that money can’t buy class.

One of the school prefects is waiting out in the hall to act as escort, Brock standing directly against the opposite side of the hallway in his security guard gear. Steve catches Bucky looking at the man like he’s gauging his chances of making a run for it, but luckily the boy relents and turns away from the door with a huff. Steve sees the parents out and then finally pushes the heavy office door closed.

The room is suddenly twenty times more silent than it was before, though not much has changed other than who’s occupying it.

Without turning to look at Bucky, Steve walks leisurely over to the office’s wall of windows. He waits there for a moment, until the Drysdales appear in the courtyard below. He watches placidly as they walk to their car and get in, heading off down the drive within the next few moments. Cragside is abutted by forest on every side but one, and soon the trees block the car from view, and there’s nothing more to see. Still, Steve remains standing there, looking out the windows at the grounds and letting the silence stretch out, the tension build, as the boy behind him stares his fill. (Steve is not unaware of what he looks like from the back in a tailored suit.)

Finally, he turns around. Bucky is still standing there in the middle of the room, looking rooted to the spot. He seems apprehensive now that it’s just the two of them, some of his earlier bravado leached away. But after a moment he seems to collect himself, and he winds up jutting his jaw out again.

Steve’s mouth quirks at that lingering bit of defiance. He always has enjoyed the process of breaking in a new student. “Alright, Honey,” he says softly. “That was fun back there. But now it’s time for the two of us to get properly acquainted, don’t you think?” He beckons him closer with a finger. “Come over here and let me have a look at you.”

Bucky doesn’t move, so Steve sighs and goes to him, fitting one hand to the front of his neck when he gets there. He holds him right underneath his jaw, pushing up to make Bucky look at him. Steve’s hand looks massive against the boy’s delicate throat, and he digs in with his thumb against the glands. Bucky lets out a sweet little gasp of sensitivity that Steve absolutely relishes. “You’re nervous,” he observes. He watches the fluttering of Bucky’s eyelids at his firm touch, his deep tone. Something between fondness and yearning flares in Steve’s belly, pleasurable and aching, like pressing on an old bruise. He ignores it, instead murmuring, “You’ve never had an Alpha, have you?”

Bucky’s eyes flick up to him. “I’m not a virgin,” he sneers. “I’ve fucked alphas before.”

Steve scoffs. “That’s not what I said.” He sees Bucky’s brow furrowing, so he cuts him off with a little scruff. “I said: you’ve never had an Alpha before.” He pulls against his jaw a little harder, watching the reaction it elicits in those angry blue eyes. “Don’t play coy with me, boy. Answer the question. You haven’t, have you?”

“No,” Bucky answers tightly. “I haven’t.”

Steve nods. He relaxes his hand some. “Then that means most of this is all going to be new to you. You’ve had a liberal education, a lax upbringing. A lot’s going to be asked of you while you’re here. There’ll be a lot you don’t know. You’ll make mistakes, you’ll struggle sometimes. And that’s okay. Rome wasn’t built in a day, now was it?” He strokes softly over the boy’s fluttering pulsepoint and Voices, “I do, however, expect you to be respectful and obedient. Do you understand?”

Bucky whimpers, though Steve isn’t being unkind. In fact he’s Voiced very softly to him just now, letting the dominant tone of it creep into the words he’s saying, letting it enrich them without hardening them, so that Bucky can really start to get a taste for it. The boy’s eyelids visibly flutter and his lips part as he starts to breathe open-mouthed. Then his tongue darts out to lick his lips as he tries to get a handle on himself. It’s cute.

Steve circles the pad of his thumb over his bonding gland. “Has anyone ever Voiced to you before, baby?”

Bucky nods. “Uh huh.”

“Yes, Alpha,” Steve gently corrects. “Who?”

“Who ... huh?”

Steve chuckles. “Aw, don’t go stupid on me yet, honey. I asked you: who’s Voiced to you before?”

“Oh. Just, um, just some … some guys … n’ a girl, from school. Hey,” he frowns, “M’not stupid.”

“Hush. You get worked up too easy. Just try and stay calm for me, yeah?” A thrill travels through Steve’s body as he watches Bucky’s lips part and his face slacken. He’s so easy for it. In his slacks, Steve’s cock pulses with interest. “Oh Sweetie,” he coos. “You don’t know what Voicing is, if you think one of your little classmates did it to you.”

Under his hand, Bucky shivers. “What?” he croaks.

It’s no wonder. If all he’s ever experienced are the best attempts of a few pubertal teenagers, then a grown ass man like Steve is bound to feel like a lot. It’s like giving a shot of hard liquor to a kid who’s never drank before. The poor thing has no tolerance. Steve guides him over to the couch, where he sits and encourages Bucky to kneel with a guiding hand pressing down on his shoulder. “There you go,” he praises as Bucky’s knees hit the floor, not missing how the boy’s brow furrows adorably at the change in positioning.

“I … I don’t …” He looks insulted and confused about how he arrived there, staring down at his knees on the carpet as if they’ve just betrayed him by folding so easily.

“It’s okay,” Steve soothes. “That’s normal. I know it can be a little unsettling at first, that won’t last. You’ll learn to enjoy it, embrace it, even. And it’s certainly nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Ashamed of … what?” Bucky asks, swallowing thickly when Steve touches his neck again. He jerks back, the Alpha’s hand left hovering in the air between them.

Steve sighs sadly and lets his hand drop. “Submission, Sweetheart. That urge to bare your neck? Going to your knees for me just now? It’s what made that feel right.” He watches the realization bloom on Bucky’s face and the fear leak into his eyes, the way he glances back down to his own body like he’s never seen it before. Steve makes sure to be gentle with him as he says, “It’s not a bad thing to give in when you get the urge. Your body craves it. Your brain thrives on it.”

“On what?” Bucky growls nastily. “Getting into blowjob position for my principal?”

Steve forces himself not to laugh and instead raises an eyebrow that he hopes looks threatening. “Thrives on submission,” he corrects. “It’s already in you, an innate reflex, but for whatever reason you’ve trained yourself out of it. You’ll have to relearn those behaviors.”

“What behaviors,” Bucky asks, “grovelling?”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Hardly. Things like humility, and subservience, thinking before you speak. Don’t worry, most of our matriculating students are out of practice at best, we know you need a lot of help. That’s why you get the staff, your teachers, me. And of course your Handler, who’s in charge of you completely.” He sees Bucky’s expression sour and sternly adds, “Completely, Bucky. When your Handler asks you to do something, it isn’t a request. If they tell you to kneel, or to sit on their lap, or even strip naked in front of them in a public space, then that’s what you do. That’s how it works here. And if you resist, you can count on punishment.” He watches as Bucky’s visage darkens, a storm of contempt gathering behind his eyes.

“Naked?” he says, scowling. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Shh,” Steve chides, trying to calm him with a pet to the head. Bucky hisses in rejection though, trying to jerk away, so Steve acts decisively. He grabs the back of his neck, scruffing him and forcing him in close. “Don’t fight, Bucky. Just calm down, rest your head down here.” Bucky grunts and pulls, but that only lasts a second before the Hold and Steve’s Voice make him go limp with a confused whimper. Steve hushes him and strokes his hair. “You’re okay … Take a deep breath ... There you go, good girl.” He waits. “… Now, I'm going to explain a few things for you. I want you to listen.”

Bucky grumbles unhappily from his spot between Steve’s legs, his cheek smooshed against the Alpha’s thigh muscle. “What punishments?” he growls.

“Hush.” Steve presses Bucky’s face against his leg and waits until he feels the next shudder of submission travel through his body. “Okay. Okay, good.” He inhales. “So, punishment. That can be lots of things. It can be spanking, or lines, or restraints at bedtime. It just depends on the situation and what your Handler feels is going to help you best in that specific situation. Often it’ll involve losing privileges of some sort; to your favorite activities or your clothing, or even bathroom privileges if you—”

“What?!”

Steve squeezes his neck again. “We can start right now if you need it,” he purrs, the threat coming through loud and clear despite his calm tone. He waits, and is pleased when Bucky offers no further bratting over the issue. “Okay, good.” He returns to petting him, fingers carding through his short, soft hair. There’s product in it, and Steve would bet money it’s blow-dried. He finds himself wanting to feel it in its natural state. “If you leave your hair alone after a shower,” he murmurs. “Does it dry curly?”

Bucky whines and squirms and completely ignores the question. “You just wanna humiliate me.”

“No, baby,” Steve tuts sadly. “That’s not it at all. I know it’ll seem that way sometimes, especially in the beginning. But this is all for you, I promise. To benefit you in the long run. To make you happy. Everything we do at this school is based on what the science has proven, okay? Evidence-based practice, that’s all. We wouldn’t use these methods if they didn’t work.”

“... what methods?” Bucky asks, voice tiny.

Steve hums and rubs behind his ear. “I’m sure a lot of it will seem old fashioned to you. It is old fashioned, or ‘traditional’ if you like. You met Sharon earlier, yes?” He waits for Bucky’s grunt of acknowledgement before he continues, “She’ll be your Handler. She’s personally assigned to you and nobody else, so she’ll be with you every day all day, almost everywhere you go.”

“Great,” Bucky complains

“It’s a good thing. She’s here to help you with your needs. Just think of her like … like a service animal, yeah? Just a tool to help you succeed.”

“Does she heel and sit?” Bucky mutters, and Steve laughs in surprise.

“No. The other way around, if anything. You have a schedule. You’ll attend the classes and activities that’re set out for you, and you’ll comport yourself with dignity and respect.”

“You assume I know how to do that,” Bucky grumbles, and Steve scoffs and scruffs him playfully,

“Don’t worry about if you don’t know certain things, Sharon will guide you. You’ll never be punished for not knowing something, Buck. Only for disrespect or disobedience.” He pauses for a moment, letting the information sink in. He pets Bucky’s hair and watches where the kid’s got his eyes closed tight. “Do you understand?” he asks, but Bucky doesn’t answer, not even after a few seconds, so Steve gives the back of his neck another firm squeeze. “You don’t have control anymore, Sweetheart. Not over anything. And far from upsetting you, that should make you feel relieved. By the time you leave here it will.”

Not shockingly, Bucky growls. It’s just a piddly little thing from high up in his throat—an omega’s weak attempt at a sound their bodies aren’t equipped to make—but the intent behind it is clear. He struggles to pull away, Steve Holding him and pushing his face against his thigh until it passes. “Shhh. Calm down. Stop pulling away from me.”

Bucky continues to fight it for a second or two, but eventually he breaks off in an angry little sob. “Lemme go,” he grunts, embarrassed. “What is that? What’re you doing?”

“Holding you,” Steve tells him calmly. “Another thing I suspect you’re completely virgin to.”

Bucky huffs and shivers against him. “Shuddup,” he sniffles. “That’s not true.”

“Mhm. Some more of your school buddies?” Steve guesses, unsurprised when the kid’s flaming face tells him that he’s got it pegged just about right. “I see,” he says sadly. “So it wasn’t what people made it sound like, right? It didn’t make you feel any better. Then you got disappointed and you thought: ‘that’s it?’”

“No …”

“Mmhm. And since it wasn’t good enough, you decided you wouldn’t bother behaving the way anybody said you should. You figured there’s something wrong with you, so what’s the point in trying? Might as well act out, get attention that way. Because at least then you’d be getting a response from people. Am I getting warm?”

“Lemme go,” Bucky mumbles miserably.

“I’d like to, Sweetheart. But I don’t want to let go if you’re not ready.” Steve maneuvers his hand so that his thumb can dig more directly into Bucky’s glands. The omega moans, though he obviously hears himself and tries to stifle the sound. It’s both sweet and pathetic, and it makes Steve wince in sympathy. “It’s okay to react,” he tells him quietly. “Do you know why it feels like that?”

He isn’t expecting an answer from the kid, and he doesn’t get one. Bucky just cringes and tries to hide as much of his face against Steve’s thigh as possible, holding back the sounds that obviously want to come and making a face like he’s trying with all his might not to pass gas.

Steve tuts in gentle reprimand. “They call them the ‘happy hormones’. Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin, Omgestrin.” He lets up on the pressure of his Hold when the smell of omega arousal hits the air. Bucky exhales hugely and slumps against him, all the tension from holding back his vocalizations leaving him in a rush. Steve hums knowingly. “You’ll learn about the science behind it in your classes.”

“I have to go to class?” Bucky asks, sounding wiped out. “Today?”

“No baby. Today is just for getting you settled in.” Steve tilts his head as he considers him. “Do you think you’re ready to work with me, or do you still feel like you’re gonna act up if I let go?” He waits him out patiently, knowing that when it’s new and unfamiliar, the first response most omegas give to having all of their control stripped away is fear and discomfort. “It’s okay if you need time,” he offers. “We can stay here for a little while longer.”

Eventually, Bucky gives a strained little shake of the head, his flushed cheek moving against Steve’s pants leg. But it’s more the fact that he’s visibly thought about his answer before giving it that convinces Steve they might be okay to move forward.

“Okay, good,” he praises, letting up most of the pressure from the back of Bucky’s neck. He smiles in relief when the boy doesn’t pull away. “Very good, Honey. I can tell you’re trying, and I appreciate that. You’re doing okay.” Bucky makes an unhappy little sound in his throat, but it’s more privately grumpy than it is bratty, so Steve lets it pass. “You’re a smart boy,” he tells him, carding a hand through his hair. “I’ve seen your transcripts, so I know you’re very bright. Smart omega like you, I’m sure you’ve got an idea about what’s landed you here. Some clue about why you’re in my office right now instead of back home in Boston. Am I right?”

“... yes,” Bucky whispers, like he’s still recovering the ability to articulate.

“Mmhm. Thought so.” Steve pets his hair. “Think you can tell me a little bit about that?”

“... I get in trouble for things.”

“Yes. Your parents told me that.” Steve feels him start to tense at the mention of his parents. “I know you disagree with them on this. Hell, you probably disagree on most topics, right? You don’t want to be here, don’t think you need to be, and they think you do.” Bucky nods teresely and Steve hums. “Well don’t worry, I’m not going to make you lie and say you’re happy about being here. I know you’re not. But can we at least agree on one thing? That for whatever reason, and no matter where you think it stems from, you’ve been uncomfortable for a while?”

Against Steve’s leg, Bucky is tense. He gives a tiny nod. “Yeah,” he breathes.

“Okay. And could we maybe agree that the way you’ve acted hasn’t exactly gotten you where you wanted to be?”

Bucky scoffs. “Yeah. You could say that.”

Steve smiles sadly. “Okay. Okay, good. So that’s two things we can agree on. I bet I have your parents beat on that front, then, huh?” He scritches playfully behind the kid’s ear, but stills when it doesn’t elicit anything positive. “So, why do you think that is, Bucky? Why do you think you’ve had these issues?”

“Dunno,” he pouts. “I don’t think about it that much.”

“Well why do you think a judge agreed that your parents should have custody of you for an extra two years?” Steve asks. “Would you say you do things impulsively?”

Bucky shrugs. “I guess.”

“Hm. That doesn’t surprise me. I’ve met a lot of boys like you. Even helped a few of them, if you can believe it.”

Bucky grumbles at that, shifting restlessly on his knees. “You don’t know me,” he mutters. He tucks his face farther down, and then Steve catches the angry little “... this is bullshit” that he whispers under his breath.

Steve pulls his hand away abruptly and widens his legs so that no part of him is touching Bucky. The omega sways in place and makes a fragile noise of surprise. He looks up at Steve and blinks, looking bereft. Poor thing hadn’t even realized he was taking such comfort from the contact until it was gone.

“Stand up,” Steve says sharply, using his Voice and the abrupt switch in tone to catch the boy off guard. Bucky obeys without even thinking about it, rising to his feet in front of Steve with a light frown, once again looking like he can’t quite understand why he’s obeying Steve’s commands. Steve nods at him. “Good. Now take off all your clothes.”

“What?”

He prevents a tantrum by reaching forward himself and undoing Bucky’s belt. “Your clothes,” he repeats. “Take them off and show me your body, right now.” He plays on the boy’s pride by tacking on a scornful, “What? I thought you said you weren’t some shy virgin. Gotta get over that embarrassment real fast, Little one.”

It works like a charm, Bucky’s countenance screwing up in anger before it smooths out again with false bravado. He squares his shoulders and makes direct eye contact with Steve as he toes off his shoes and finishes undoing his pants. He pushes them down and kicks them off to the side, then pulls his sweater hurriedly overhead. He stares at Steve once it’s off, and he probably thinks he’s acting so big and brave, but Steve sees him for exactly what he is: a scared little boy who doesn’t think he can depend on anybody else.

“Panties too, Sweetheart,” Steve prods, and when Bucky can’t seem to bring himself to do it, he leans forward to help. He gently pulls the omega’s underwear down, easing the waistband past his genitals and down his thighs. He encourages him with gentle touches to step out, and then Bucky winds up holding onto his shoulders for balance as he helps him step out of the socks, one foot at a time. By the time Steve’s sitting back on the couch to have a good look at him, Bucky’s standing before him completely naked.

Steve’s eyes track down to where he holds his arms ramrod straight at his sides, hands curled into tight little fists in an obvious effort not to cover himself. “Good girl,” Steve praises. “That was very good. Thank you.” He lets his eyes rake obviously up and down Bucky’s body, enjoying the sight of him, but more importantly letting Bucky see that he’s enjoying the sight of him. “You’re just lovely,” he tells him. On the Persian carpet, Bucky’s feet shuffle, shifting his weight in disquiet. “Shhh,” Steve chides softly. “Be still now, Honey. Let me look.”

The looking is, of course, not so much for Steve’s benefit as it is for Bucky’s. Steve’s already seen pictures and medical charts detailing every square inch of the omega’s body. This is about giving Bucky a taste of what it truly means to be vulnerable. He needs to feel seen, exposed, before he can ever truly learn to give in to his submissive urges. And he needs to learn to trust. Trust that the person caring for him won’t hurt him or let him down after he’s made himself vulnerable. It’s something that can only be gained through moments like this; experiences where he shows his metaphorical belly and bears his metaphorical neck. The more he learns to do that, the easier it’ll be to give in to what his body needs.

“Turn around and face the other way,” Steve says quietly, though still using his Voice to help him along in these first few moments of nakedness. Bucky obeys, turning, and Steve makes sure to rumble low in his chest for the boy to hear his approval. “Good girl,” he praises.

“M’not a girl,” Bucky grumbles, annoyed.

Steve tuts. “Come on, Buck. I’ve got two masters degrees and a Ph.D. And I just saw your little cocklet, didn’t I?”

“... yeah,” Bucky admits, though he also sullenly repeats: “M’not a girl,” under his breath.

“It’s a term of affection,” Steve scolds, eyes raking over the omega’s pert little backside. “Now be a good girl and stand still while Alpha looks at you.”

Bucky’s buttocks tense, the sides flexing gorgeously in response to the domination of being called a “good girl” all over again. That flex of muscles is involuntary, and a dead giveaway that if Steve were to grab his cheeks and spread them right now, he’d probably find his little hole clenching and releasing, too. In his slacks, Steve’s cock thickens with renewed interest. Bucky starts to whine almost subvocally. He shuffles his weight on his feet again, and the motion causes the room’s light to catch on a faint sheen. It’s a small amount, but it’s there. Right by his taint and the swell of his little sac, he’s got some slick smeared on his inner thighs.

Steve has to take a deep breath and give his dick a cruel pinch while he’s still got Bucky facing the other way. “Good,” he murmurs, letting a few more seconds tick by. “Very good.”

Bucky’s ass keeps flexing, muscles tensed and his hands still clenched up into tight little balls at his sides. “Can I move?” he grits.

“Not yet. Be still.”

Steve knows what’s going on in the kid’s mind and body right now. Most people watching Bucky would only recognize the anger, or the fear. It is those things, to an extent, but that’s not all it is. Even without that tantalizing little smear of slick, Steve would know, because can detect the deeper scent of satisfied omega. Bucky’s responding well to the orders and directions, miniscule as they are.

“Nobody wants to bully you here, honey,” Steve tells him gently. “It might feel like that at first. I bet that’s how you feel right now. I know you’re not used to such a … traditional pedagogy. But I want you to know I’m not doing this to be mean. Nothing that happens to you during your time here is done just to humiliate or demean you. It might make you feel that way at first, but in the end you’ll see that this is about helping you.”

Bucky’s facing the other side of the room, but Steve still hears the disbelieving scoff he gives. “I don’t feel like this is helping,” he says, tacking on a sarcastic “Sir” at the end.

Steve calmly leans forward and flicks the boy’s sac. Bucky yelps and all but jumps out of his skin, looking back over his shoulder with wide eyes and an outraged scoff. “Hey!”

“Hush. Turn back around and stand still.” Steve raises an eyebrow. “Unless you’d like another?” It’s almost amusing, how fast Bucky’s lips seal themselves into a thin line and he shakes his head with wide eyes. He turns around as ordered, and Steve softens. “Look,” he says gently. “I’ve been doing this for a long time now, and I’ve helped a lot of boys like you, okay?

“You think you have,” Bucky counters mutinously, shoulders tensing a second later as he anticipates having his balls flicked again for brattiness.

The only reason Steve doesn’t do so, is because this is a point worth addressing. “No, Baby,” he counters sadly. “It works. It really does. This isn't just an Alpha’s ego talking, or whatever you may think it is. I haven’t been Headmaster at this school for almost two decades for nothing. Trust me, we produce the desired results.”

“... whose, though?”

“Excuse me?”

Bucky shifts nervously. “Whose? Desired results?”

Steve has got to smirk at Bucky’s backside, at that one. Even cowed, it’s clear this boy is going to be a challenge. “Let’s just put it this way,” he drawls. “If my methods here didn’t produce well-behaved omegas, parents wouldn’t still be sending me their children to educate at sixty-grand a semester. And if that doesn’t carry weight in your book, then think of this: If my methods didn’t produce happy, grateful omegas, then all of my omega alumnus wouldn’t still be donating millions of their own dollars back to their alma mater each year, now would they?”

He can see from the way that Bucky’s posture slackens, then stiffens, then slackens all over again, that the boy can’t come up with a counter argument to that one. “Good,” Steve says with finality. “Remember that. I really do mean it, Bucky. I want you to take it to heart when I tell you that everything that happens while you're here is for you. To make you happy and healthy.” He can practically hear Bucky’s brain working up there, and sure enough it only takes a moment or two more of bare-assed vulnerability before the omega is snottily asking,

“Any other advice, Headmaster?”

“Oh sure,” Steve says cheerfully. “For example, I’d definitely advise you to try and reign in your attitude while you’re here. You and your ass will have a much easier time of it, if you do.” He’s laying it on heavy right now, but he’s had plenty of students like Bucky, and he’s always found that it’s best to come in hard and fast with the dominance, take them by surprise and play to their bodies’ own instincts before they can gather too much of a defense. Still, he switches to speaking in his most gentle and reassuring Voice as he tells him, “You’re handling this well, Bucky. I’m pleased with you so far.” He gives it another long moment, and then he murmurs, “Okay, Honey. You can turn back around now. Face me.”

Bucky turns slowly, one foot at a time, shifting on the carpet until he’s made a full turn. Steve isn’t surprised to see his little cocklet at half mast. He smiles gently to let him know it’s okay. “I expected that,” he tells him. “Did you know that it’s normal for your body to react that way?” He waits, but Bucky gives no answer. He’s glaring at the floor and quite obviously clenching his teeth. Steve hums. “You’re probably pissed at me right now, yeah?”

“Yes.”

Steve chuckles. “I appreciate your honesty, Bucky,” he teases. “And I know you’re pissed. It’s obvious. I’d be surprised if you weren’t.” He pauses, waiting until Bucky’s eyes flick up to him before he pointedly looks at the boy’s penis. “But you’re also aroused. Why do you think that is?” Bucky’s lips tighten into a thin, unanswering line, and Steve sits forward on the couch cushion. “C’mere.” He spreads his legs wider and pats his knee. “Step closer to me,” he Voices, and that time Bucky does listen and come closer, despite the attitudinal little huff he gives. Steve stills him with hands on his hips. “Don’t be embarrassed,” he says, before reaching to take him in hand.

Bucky gasps, his stomach sucking in and his body tensing up like he’ll pull away. Steve’s palm makes a loud ‘clap!’ as he delivers a quick smack to the side of his ass. “Be still.”

“... what’re you gonna do?” Bucky squeaks.

“I’m going to touch your genitals,” Steve tells him calmly. “And you’re going to hold still, unless you want to earn your first spanking.” He looks up at him, meeting those wide eyes with a calm nod. “I’ll put you over my knee right now if you need it,” he promises. Then he raises an eyebrow. “Do you need it, boy?”

Bucky’s face screws up, and Steve is honestly surprised when he controls himself enough that the only thing out of his mouth is a terse, “No.”

Steve smacks him again. “‘No Alpha’. Let me hear you say it.”

Jaw working in frustration, Bucky acquiesces with a gritted, “No, Alpha.”

Steve gives him a few seconds more of the warning look, just to make sure that he knows he’ll make good on the threat if he needs to. “Good,” he says, looking back between Bucky’s legs. “You know,” he muses, as he takes his time admiring the omega’s little prick. “This school isn’t just a place for academic learning. We teach all the classics, of course, but that’s probably the least important part of our curriculum. There are a lot of other things to learn: Manners, etiquette, self-care … and how to listen to your own body, how to understand what it’s trying to tell you, how to interpret the things you feel.” He cups his hand over Bucky’s cocklet and balls, holding them delicately in his palm. “I’ve barely touched you, yet you’re harder now than you were even thirty seconds ago. Do you know why?”

Above, Bucky gulps. “... fear boner,” he whispers, and when Steve snorts at that, he pouts and asserts, “It’s a thing.”

Steve smiles. “That’s cute, but no.” Gently, he takes Bucky’s stiff little prick in hand and plays with the wrinkle of foreskin that’s bunched at the tip. “Omegas are less than four percent of the population,” he murmurs. “And alphas not even double that. Which means, that despite your natural inclinations, you wind up spending most of your time around a bunch of betas. Of course it wouldn’t have been that way historically. Those things used to be arranged, but in modern society it has unfortunately become all too common.” He peeks upwards, pleased to see that Bucky’s staring down at him with parted lips and flushed cheeks.

“S-so?” he breathes.

“So, right now you’re in a room with an adult alpha male who’s touching you, and talking to you, and dominating you. And you’re biologically geared to respond to those things, especially when you haven’t had much regular exposure to alphas. That just increases your sensitivity. So that when I use my Voice, when you smell my scent, or when you see my big hand covering your tiny sex …” he cups him fully between his legs again and gives a little jostle “It’s all hardwired into your brain as positive, pleasurable. Your body likes it, seeks out more of it. That’s why you’re even getting a little wet right now.”

Bucky bristles in defense, “I’m not—”

“Shh. You don’t have to do that, honey. I already know.” Steve holds his prick and eases the foreskin down, revealing the delicate pink tip of him with an approving hum. “Mmhm. There it is. Look at that sweet little nubbin.”

Bucky all but stumbles into him, whispering a breathless, “Alpha …”

“That’s right. Good girl.” Steve steadies him with a chuckle. “You’re okay. Don’t lock your knees, honey. See what happens?” He trails a fingertip over the adorable little line of Bucky’s erection, eliciting another whimper from the boy. “It’s okay for you to call me that. I am your Alpha while you’re under custody here, and you may not think you care about that, but your body does. So even though you’re feeling all these other kinds of other emotions right now—anger, fear, embarrassment; your mind and body are still going to fight you on it. They’re gonna prioritize and respond to what you need, and if you don’t change your behavior to reflect those same priorities, then the only outcome you’re gonna get is dysfunction and illness.”

“I’m not,” Bucky says weakly, brow furrowed. “M’not dysfunctive.”

Steve smiles sadly. “Well first off, that’s not a word, baby.” He pulls on Bucky’s hips and leans back further into the couch, urging the boy to come down to sit on his lap. When he does, Syteve cups his chin and pecks him gently on the lips. It’s the most chaste kiss to ever exist, but the boy is still blushing when Steve pulls back enough to see his cheeks. Steve wraps an arm around his waist to draw him in against his larger body. “Now Bucky, I’m going to ask you something, and you don’t have to answer right away. I want you to take time to really think about it. And when you’re ready, you tell me.”

The boy’s looking up at him with wide, confused eyes that pluck at Steve’s heart, and Steve swipes his thumb just under his plush lower lip. “When’s the last time you were happy?” he asks quietly. Bucky’s expression instantly screws up, but Steve hushes him. “I don’t mean just happy from having fun in the moment, or from a specific thing that happened. I mean ‘happy’ as in content, consistently and thoroughly. When’s the last time you can remember when you felt truly settled in your skin?”

Bucky frowns. “I …”

“Shh. Remember what I said. Not right now. You just think on it.” Steve offers him a tender look and squeezes his chin. “You think you can do that for me?”

“... okay,” Bucky whispers.

Steve smiles. “Good girl.” He claps his hand on Bucky’s leg. “In the meantime, we’ve got quite a few things we have to do to get you set up: administrative and practical. Are you ready to see your room, get your uniform, a tour of the grounds, all that good stuff?”

Bucky nods, looking almost faint in relief—likely at hearing that he’s going to be given clothing. “Yes,” he breathes eagerly. “Please.”

Steve chuckles and pats his waist. “Thought you might say that. Alright boy, get up. We’ve got a lot to do.”

This story is an ongoing commission for an amazing supporter who wishes to remain anonymous. If you have a story that you'd like to see custom written, send me a message on Tumblr or reach out on my Kofi.

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mutated-green-things · 6 months

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📓

I reblogged this meme awhile ago but I had a hard time narrowing it down to just one fic I have daydreamed about a lot but not written:

I really have so many Leonardo ideas buzzing around for this but I eventually decided to ramble about the fic I started mentally crafting awhile back about Leo having DID/being plural. Mostly because that’s the one I’ve made the most notes about (Haven’t actually written any actual fic/prose I just have lots of disparate ideas and such) The biggest thing being a system list for him! It’s all the alters I think he’d have along with a (somewhat) short description of them. So, I’ll start with that and share some extra thoughts at the end! (Also quick note: every alter listed uses he/him unless otherwise stated)

Leonardo: Host and most big brother-y of them all. Tries to get his brothers to follow the rules but isn't angry or cruel. Is calm and calculating and effectively uses the knowledge his librarian alter has collected. Doesn't ramble about it, but thinks about it often. The effective, precise leader, general, and combatant.

Okami/Wolf: The first split and inspiration for this fic/AU. Essentially Leo feels a bit like a different character in season 4: Angry, violent, brutal. So the idea is that when they’re all almost killed in that explosion on Shredder’s ship, that’s the start of Leo’s system. That failure and threat of death is so traumatic that he splits a persecutor who blames him to explain away something so devastating and unfair happening without reason. The idea being that if Leonardo was just a little better, it wouldn’t have happened in the first place, and that makes the universe still controllable and just in their eyes. They weren’t good enough to reach the happy ending that his family deserved, but they can be if they work hard enough. Okami fronts throughout the first half or so of season 4 and even after Leo gets better he switches in when the body has to fight and when feelings of depression and failure well up. Okami can often be cruel and unreasonable and he’s the one who over trains and self harms.

Ryushi/りゆし: Written in hiragana because this alter only speaks in Japanese. Ryushi is very formal and tends to front during the most traditional functions the family takes part in. Most active in the morning during meditation and morning tea, though he also pretty frequently comes out in Usagi’s presence. He regularly has incredibly lengthy conversations with Usagi exclusively in Japanese, which drives Mikey and Raph crazy, since they can’t follow all of it. Donnie and Splinter sometimes jump in too, but some of the more modern/technical Japanese words Don knows throws Usagi (and sometimes even Ryushi) off, so Don will usually just let them have their fun. Splinter hops in more often and will happily embarrass the hell out of his son, but he also knows when to let them have their private time. As a final note: Ryushi loves Japanese snacks, his favorite being milk candy.

Kit/Kitsune: This is the librarian alter listed in Leonardo’s description. They’re a Bookworm who loves to read and catalogue. They’ll happily ramble for hours about kata, sword forging, battle history, haiku, and stratagem. In general Kitsune has pretty big autism vibes with a pretty wide range of special interests that overlap. They sometimes forgets to eat if they’re perfecting a Kata or reading something particularly interesting. Sometimes referred to as Donnie 2.0 by Raph/Mikey. Non-Binary. Probably They/He/She in that order for preference of pronoun. Has some interest in combat but prefers to read about it rather than participate though I do kind of like the idea of their signature weapon being tessen. The Burnt Out Gifted Kid with a Praise Kink also really fits Kit.

Blue: Scared, scarred child. Trauma holder and only little. Probably around 8 or 9. Still carries an extreme fear of heights that the rest of the system “conquered” around this age. Conquered in quotes because really I think Leonardo pressed that shit down until it was all squeezed into the psychic space that would eventually become Blue. He may hurt others as a fear response but is sloppy and can't actually do serious damage like Wolf, Leonardo, or Ryushi. The second split after Okami. Comes around as Leo starts to confront his trauma and fears with Usagi and Donatello’s help.

Leo: The last to split and only formed when they’ve finally worked through a lot of shit and returned to some sort of relaxed normalcy. He’s close to Leonardo in personality but way more fun loving and easy going. Plays games with his family and makes dad jokes. Will happily play video games with Mikey and prank his brothers. Comes out when doing fun family activities, when they are loopy tired, or when they are under the influence of something.

I also have some idea for the system name being The Armory System or just The Armory, and have a ton of thoughts on how this is explained to Leo. But none of them are cohesive or concrete. I do know that both Usagi and Donatello would play a big role in this fic but I don’t know who would be more active/how I would achieve any sort of balance between them…

I could just have Donnie tag along into Usagi’s world when Usagi takes Leo on his Big Healing Adventure. I think Don would gladly tag along but there’s some steps I’d need to go through to make that happen without Raph and Mikey coming too. That and even if I make that happen I’d still have to balance interactions and such so it wouldn’t be weighted to one side too much.

A few stray thoughts and that’ll end my ramble:

This would ofc be a Leosagi story and getting explore Usagi falling in love with Leonardo and all his different alters sounds so so fun.

I also had this idea of using a magical journal or bottle that can transport words/objects across dimensions. I still like that idea a lot and will likely repurpose it for it’s own fic but I like the idea of Don, Leo, and Usagi all traveling together in Usagi’s world even more.

Okay! That’s it! Thanks for reading!

#tmnt #katanashipping #usagi miyamoto #leosagi #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2k3 #leonardo #I even have a title for that magic bottle fic but that’s like such a smile detail that I’ll just keep it for myself #This fic would be incredibly self indulgent rndkfkrfjdkfkf and I’d actually probably be likely to stick with it because of that BUT #I have like 50 different mlp fics that I’m working on atm so not rn #plus an idea about turtle fics that I wanna post tomorrow that might lead to me posting more

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hexonthepeach · 8 months

Text

a gentle tongue breaketh the bone | 16: acceptance

pairing: fem hybrid fox omega!reader/hybrid Alpha!nct 127

tags: reverse harem, non-traditional omegaverse hybrid! cyberpunk au, pack dynamics, polyamory, slowburn/slowbuild, angst & hurt/comfort, heavy content warnings inc. torture, graphic violence, suicidal ideation, explicit sexual content

summary: the year is 2127. decades of eugenics and warfare have led to the rise of designated populations: the ruler Alphas and their rare, prized omegas sequestered from the Beta population. in the aftermath of the War of the Two Tigers, New Goryeo ushers in an Imperial dynasty determined not by birthright but by the alliance of the Syndicate’s clancorps to choose the best pack of your generation. you are destined to take your place within the Imperial harem as a queen, and–perhaps–Imperatrix herself

but you have a secret, written into your skin and bones–one that could easily kill you, depending on who finds it out

ten years ago you chose your Alpha and their pack in a fateful meeting

now, you must make them choose you

[masterlist & glossary] [read on AO3] [0: prologue] [1: escape, again] [2: lost and found] [3: returned] [4: bound] [5: home] [6: gift] [7: reunion] [8: security] [9: secret] [10: prisoner] [11: gambit] [12: haze] [13: shock] [14: feral] [15: release]

wc: 4.4k

chapter warnings: defcon 5 critical levels of angst, mentions of self-harm, recovery from trauma, suicidal ideation

recommended listening: this next arc in the story brought to you by sneaker pimp's squaring the circle (2021) but especially tranquility trap

They don't speak over you or for you, anymore. They speak at you now.

When you are in a room they treat you as if you are its center, a point around which everything revolves. Perhaps they had always considered you this way, but this is a different kind of recognition.

Meanwhile, you refuse to speak, or favor them with your recognition. You no longer have to.

You don't meet Jungwoo's eyes when his shaking hands disable the collar around your throat. You hold your lips tight against any sound when Taeil tentatively lifts your face to pluck a splinter of plastic or glass from your cheek.

You're no longer registering the pain, despite your refusal of medication. There's a roiling hot chamber inside of you that has no pressure relief, but it's nothing compared to the sewage of other people's emotions. You curl in on yourself, unseeing instead, letting your own will disappear.

This is the pack bond. Before it had just nagged at you: agitation and disgust and disinterest were always at the corner of your mind. You couldn't have expected anything better with Johnny's rejection. In a way it would have been easier if it just stayed that way, forever.

Now, you're a conduit for something else.

Remorse.

It suffocates you.

Taeil had been the first to pry in, more patiently and carefully than you expected. You'd been forced to hold still as his steady hands faltered, as he left the room to regroup–the bitter chemical scent of nicotine clinging to his coat when he'd returned, finding you curled into Haechan's vacant bed, white sheet draped over you.

He'd made everyone leave the room so he could attend to the new scratches you'd made in your forearm, automatic movements recreating something you could feel in your left wrist.

Not your wrist, you think.

Then your ankle, which at this point has healed–wrongly. He can’t treat it until you give consent for sedation, too compromised by your shared pain to make the incisions necessary to reconnect the tendons snapped too far apart to rejoin naturally.

You expect him to continue the examination, surely the reason you’d caught the redness of his eyes from crying was because of that other, deep pain inside. But he makes no move to broach your physical space outside of gently resting his hand on your shoulder, letting the pressure increase when you don’t jerk away.

You realize after a few minutes of silence between you that it was just an excuse to finally get the shadow out from beside your hospital bed.

“I want you to take all the time you need,” he says. “Wherever you want to go, whatever you need, we'll support you.”

If it’s tiring just to feel, listening to their false supplications wears you to dust.

"I told Taeyong everything," Jungwoo says, quietly, working at the broken mechanism of your collar when he releases it from your sore neck. "We'll have a tribunal. You can decide what you want to do, then. I accept it. He accepts it. Just please . . . Have mercy for him."

His large eyes lift to you, watery in their sympathy. You meet them for an instant, and he flees like a frightened child.

Doyoung and Yuta had followed–both formal in their own way.

"You can lodge a complaint with the Syndicate, of course," Doyoung says. "But the contract is annulled. We'll find a place for you to live outside of the Dome comfortably and make up an airtight story about your resignation. You'll be safe, and free. If you choose."

Safe, and free. If you chose. You could laugh. You knew better than to dabble in delusion.

Yuta is the only one you feel truth from when he approaches you–artifice nonexistent as he stands beside you, choosing the best words. He seems to understand reconciliation is impossible.

"You didn't deserve this," he says. "I'm sorry."

You offer him nothing.

"I already put in my resignation with Taeyong. Back to NSMP, if Johnny doesn't tear my throat out. Good luck, princess."

And then Taeyong. He'd only been able to manage a few words before he'd collapsed into quiet crying, taken away by Taeil and Doyoung before he could upset you even more.

Haechan hasn’t entered the room at all, his ghost present in the pillow beneath you and the fleeting bright flickers of anger that race over you when you can catch fresher traces of his ozone-like scent through the opening and closing doors.

You're grateful for the fact that he's not treating you like the others. If there's any comfort in all of this it's that he doesn't pity you at all. You can't stand the hypocrisy of it.

Mark–so deeply comatose you can hardly see him breathe–sleeps in the bed beside you. You spend a long time watching him breathe, eyes focusing and unfocusing on the new sharpness of his face in the dimmed fluorescent lighting. He's never looked less of a child than he does now, pulled back from death’s doorstep.

You think he's the best company you could ask for.

Especially since the worst offender of this newfound curse hasn't wanted to leave your side, no matter what you throw at him, objects and cold fury alike. Even the doctor’s order to leave the room was half-accomplished; he'd settled on going into Taeil’s quarters where he could keep you in sight.

His pacing would make you go mad alone, but then there are his feelings. Naked and raw and so wholly exposed it’s as if they’re yours, if they weren’t so nauseatingly not.

He's quaking in his skin, anger flitting between any target but you. No, when Johnny looks at you now you feel the sickly crawl of his concern, the hopeless self-loathing and the warm bloom of affection he can no longer hide.

It's disgusting to you, worse even than the lust that he and the others so guiltily try to ignore.

You're still in heat after all–it's just a biological imperative. Nothing real.

"We need both of you to help us take care of this," Yuta says, more serious and quiet than you've ever heard him when he returns to the room. "He's threatening to do it himself."

Your head snaps up, disrupting Taeil's work checking the burn marks on the back of your neck.

"Where is he?" You finally speak, voice hollow.

Yuta's mouth forms a thin line, eyes flicking to Johnny's back where he sits besides Taeil's bed. If Johnny has registered what he said, head in his hands, he doesn't show it.

"Leave it." Taeil says, softly. "You don't have to–"

"Don't tell me what to do." You slip down from the hospital bed, yanking the IV from your arm. Taeil reaches for you but you duck away from him, letting your rage blaze across the new connection.

Everyone in the room feels it.

"It's pack business," Yuta explains. "We'll take care of it."

You hobble towards him, enjoying the way he backs up, eyes widening.

"Take me to him," you say.

"After–"

"Now," you order. "Don't look at him."

You maintain eye contact, swaying a little when you try to pull yourself to full height. It hurts to stand up, to breathe–ribs reknitting slowly inside your bruised chest.

"Let her go," Taeil says. "We owe her that."

"No," Johnny interrupts, finally. You feel him unwind from where he's been hiding, hesitating when you snarl under your breath at him.

You won't look at him, you can’t.

"You will not speak to me or for me. You will not say one word to me until I tell you to," you say to the room. From the corner of your eye you see Johnny shrink, almost, back curled like he's been punched in the stomach. It feels like it, too.

You don't wait for them to change their mind–you make your way out, slowly and with fresh jolts of pain, pushing past Taeil.

You don't need them to tell you where he is--you can feel your newest bondmark like a black hole in your mind, his misery so thick it burns the edges of your vision.

They hadn't taken him back to his cell–no he was in the hangar. The room most fitting to clean up an execution, or something worse.

The two cats trail you at a distance, Yuta's hand snaking out to grab you when your bad leg gives out beneath you. Despite your impulse to pull away you let him support your side, heartbeat slowing a little with the tenderness. As distant as it is, you know he's just as emotionally attuned to you as the others–you feel his care when he finally decides to carry you with his arm around your neck.

You make him put you down before the doors slide open. You want to face this on your own two feet.

The rest of the pack is here, and not one of them is prepared for the sight of you.

"You shouldn't–" Doyoung begins, words cut short by some gesture from Johnny. Taeyong lifts his head from where he's being supported by Haechan as he stands over Jaehyun, the younger Canid offering you nothing but contempt when he looks at you.

There, huddled on the floor, bound and collared and muzzled, is the creature that raped you.

No longer in jimseung, he's so much smaller and less threatening. Even beneath the synthetic mask you can see his face twist, eyes red and swollen from crying, fresh grief shaking his body as he stares at the floor.

"Take that off of him," you say, flatly. Taeyong's eyes go wide, head shaking. He looks terrible–face drawn and sweaty, eyelids drooping from exhaustion as he puts himself between you.

"It's not safe," Doyoung says, hands raised as he approaches. You glare at him, stopping him in his tracks.

"Do whatever she says." Johnny's voice is barely audible.

Jungwoo moves quickly to remove the muzzle from Jaehyun, his own eyes red-rimmed as they dart to you, watching you move forward–slowly–towards the captive feral. He’s a livewire of fear for his friend, you know. Why wouldn’t any of them be afraid of your wrath now after being on the receiving end of it for the past 12 hours?

"Wait."

Taeyong drops to his knees in front of you, gestures submissive as he holds himself on the floor in a deep prostration, tail and ears drooped.

"Please, ____," he begins, as you step around him, ignoring his rushed lead-in to a formal apology.

You don't stop until your bandaged feet are in Jaehyun's view, until you're standing over him. He's just as unkempt as when you’d left him, smelling of blood and fried electronics, the knife wound in his side no longer bleeding but crusted brown with layers of healed and reopened scabs.

Only the mark you'd given him seems to be fresh, bleeding through a hasty attempt to bandage it. It will scar, eventually. If he lives that long.

He whispers something inaudible now that his muzzle has been removed.

You place a hand on his scalp, gently, and lean down to hear it. It’s just a high-pitched whine, crackling with each breath, repeated like a mantra.

"I'msorryi'msorryi'msorry.”

"I know," you soothe. “I am, too.”

You drop down and wrap your arms around him, holding him tight as he tries to escape–bound too well at his hands and ankles to avoid you. You knew they hadn’t tied him up for fear of him, but rather for his own safety. After a few seconds in your embrace he gives up, head heavy against your shoulder. He tastes like an old book left open in the sun, cypress trees waving in the wind.

"Shhh," you say, hand soothing his back. You rest your head against the side of his, pressed into his human ear as you feel him weep into your clothing, trembling in waves.

"Do you remember what I told you?" you ask.

He nods, reluctantly, chin tucked in.

The fragile link between you sings with the feelings you share with him. There's fear and mistrust there–of course. But they're not the primary color. Even when you'd first bitten him, the animal taking over to stop the pain, you'd given him this promise.

Peace. Like light on the surface of a deep, calm sea.

"Forget this," you said. "Forget what happened."

Even then you’d known it was the cruelest order you could give another person. It had seemed to work at the time, long enough at least for him to pass out from blood loss beside you, holding onto you in the dark and cold until you could finally free yourself.

The confusion and regret is still there, but now you know the true depth of years of self-loathing, and fear.

"You didn't do anything wrong," you say, loud enough the others can still hear you, muffled in his hair. "I forgive you."

And then–as before, cruelty in your kindness–you ask him for one, last favor.

Your command should have been inaudible to the other men in the room, as whispered as it was under the cage of your arms.

"No–NO!" You don't know who speaks, hearing the commotion as everyone moves at once–just not quickly enough.

Jaehyun resists it but only for a fraction of a second–teeth breaking the skin of your neck in the most gentle bite possible, a final attempt to fight against the inevitable. Heat floods your chest and throat as you feel it in his, every last fiber of connection snapping into place as you've willed it, even as he chokes out an anguished cry at the forced claim.

You're torn from him in a heartbeat, gun cocked and held to your head rather than aimed at the Alpha collapsing to the floor. Jaehyun gags and spits at that tiny bit of your flesh, retching horribly.

You look up at Haechan, offering no resistance. Venom is in his gaze as he holds you by the scruff, sunk deeper by his certainty.

"She ordered him to do it," he says. "She ordered him to claim her."

"I did," you say. "It was my choice, alone. I forced him to."

"Did you mark him before he–" Haechan’s bitter words break as you grab his gun to press against the muzzle, daring him to make good on his threat. He tries to pull away but you stay locked on it, shuffling forward to meet it.

"He’s mine now,” you goad him. “Under my protection. A life for life.”

You wonder for a moment if he'll be the one to do what the rest of the pack should have done a long time ago, his finger tensing over the trigger.

You wouldn't mind this end–you can’t lie to yourself in accepting that it was the same one you'd chased when you’d found yourself alone in that room. It had seemed like the only relief for you, for the others.

How can you live with what you'd done? had been your first thought, a repeated stanza going back so far, when you’d first realized what it meant to take a life by your teeth and words alone. Not that stupid man who’d tried to take your innocence, but the one who’d saved you from drowning only to be hunted for it.

It was a contradiction too deeply at war with the omega inside you, the one who wanted to quietly and selflessly bow to the desires of your Alpha in return for protection, and pleasure. All that instinct and denial could only translate to the simplest solution: remove yourself from the equation.

Instead like a parasite inside of you, you’d passed that desire from host to host, until you were surrounded by minds and hearts just as broken as yours.

Yes, you'd been abused. Treated unfairly. But those things were woven into the fabric of your existence in the same way the curse had hung over your head since returning to Neo Seoul. A lotus flowering in the muck, they'd called you. Queen of one thousand kingdoms. A treasure in the dirt, a diamond retrieved from war-blasted earth.

Queen of nothing, you think. Just a void and a receptacle for everyone else’s pain, over and over again in endless cycles until you could finally free yourself from this cycle of karmic rehabilitation.

Live, you'd told the man beside you as he dreamed. Forget about this, and live. You're free now.

The irony being that you'd never be able to.

You can only mourn the fact that . . . for a minute made endless when you’d slipped beneath the surface into unconsciousness . . . you'd known true peace.

They're the ones who brought you back into this nightmare. Who taught you that there is nothing there, that you'll never truly be free.

Surely the younger feels that memory pass through you, knows that horror intimately as you look up in his unyielding eyes.

Haechan's nostrils flare, gun lowering.

"It's your fault," he repeats, wiping his face on his shoulder as he collects himself. "I know none of you give a shit about justice but you need to try her first. She isn't pack. She won’t be."

"She saved him," Jungwoo answers. "He's not in jimseung anymore–"

"If that's saving I'd rather die," Haechan yells back, bristling. "You don't know what it feels like–"

"Stop this. It's done," Doyoung breaks the standoff. "We need everyone present and in full comportment to make a decision."

"No."

It's Jaehyun who finally answers, surprising you all by how calm he sounds. "You know what to do."

You don't realize who it's directed at until Johnny moves fluidly to lift the other man, hands wrapped around his throat.

"No!" you scream, fighting Haechan. Johnny ignores you, the exposed muscles of his bare back rippling as his claws broach the other man's bruised skin over the glint of his collar, thumbs pressed into his trachea. Jaehyun offers no resistance, eyes closed tight.

"Kill him and you kill me," you cry out, hands jerking the gun beneath Haechan's grip to your breast. The Canid realizes your intention before you can speak, ripping his grasp away, throwing the weapon to slide across the floor.

For a moment you see the malicious satisfaction of having bested you, can feel the sympathetic sneer tugging on your own lips.

"Let go," you order, and Haechan drops you just as quickly.

You scrabble over the grating to Johnny, mind racing to think of some solution–anything to stop the horrible, slow choke of your mate, the air captured in your lungs–

"Let him–"

Your scream is cut short by a hand snaking over your face, a body wrapped around yours.

"Stop," Taeyong says. "Both of you. Now."

It's not an order but Johnny freezes, the silence that follows horrendous in the pinging of blood steadily dripping to the floor. It courses down Jaehyun's limp feet, his breaths rattling.

"____" Your name whispered in your ear rouses you from the haze of terror and agony and adrenaline. "Are you with me?"

You nod, lips twisting under the other omega's knobby grasp. His scent burns through you, tempered by the heat and your own claim, alcohol-sharp and spiced.

"No orders," he says, exhaustedly. "Accept him."

You toss your head. You could break free but there's an overwhelming comfort in Taeyong's hold that slows you down, making you ease out of the panic attack. Your claws dig into the metal flooring, shriek loud in the unnatural silence.

"Accept," he repeats. His fingers slip free of your mouth, lingering on your shirt as he licks gently at your weeping neck wound.

It should make you fight back more but your tension dissolves, legs sprawled beneath you as you sink to the floor. The unspoken promise in that gesture is clear to you–he'll accept you, too. Perhaps he has already, when he'd reached out for you on that rooftop.

Taeyong's mind is yours, his emotions overwhelming in their honesty. You see the field of battle as clearly as if you were standing on it, the white flag of surrender limp at your side.

Only one person can end this madness. Only one person can make all of this misery disappear. It's no longer as simple as disappearing. No, you don't have that exit anymore.

"Alpha," you say, addressing him, finally.

Johnny doesn't move except to lower his arms, mirroring your slow surrender.

"Alpha, please," you repeat.

You hear Jaehyun's body thud as he hits the floor when he finally let's him go.

Johnny is cringing again, folding inward with realization. You're struck by how far he's gone, irrationally fixated on the sight of another marking you in front of him. He's on the edge of a full shift, dark waves rippling over his skin and disappearing into the cant of his ears.

"You let him claim you," he says quietly.

That nonsensical animal, Alpha urge to dominate. To remind the other male that he's intruded on his possession.

He would kill everyone in this room if it meant having you solely for himself–no matter what they've shared. He wants to punish everyone responsible, beginning with himself. It's eating him from the inside and dissolving everything good.

But the worst crime, you know, is how quickly you'd whispered those words.

I forgive you.

He'd felt what you'd denied him–always–given so freely to a person you barely knew, who'd taken what he'd believed was his. Maybe he would have taken his time in pursuing you, when he felt it was right, but he'd let you be the one to decide if he was worth waiting for. Secretly, selfishly, he'd hoped you'd choose him.

Forgive him.

That is the dagger in his heart only you can pull out.

You let the wall come down between you, a brick at a time.

You send him an impression, first. The simplest one you have–the one you'd kept of him the first night you'd seen him human, unobserved, not knowing you were in the room yet.

His easy smile, his deep laugh at something a stranger said. The way he'd carefully observed the room between attention–how his eyes had widened when he'd first caught your scent, hiding the exposure under a thick layer of fear at your discovery or bringing any danger to you.

But you had felt it then–had chased what it had meant to you–that golden flame of recognition in your chest flaring to life as it had in his.

Even if it was a stupid dream he'd been the prince you sought, your knight in shining armor who could take you away from the solitude of your tower.

No–not just your hero. Your Alpha.

"I don't know who you are at all," you say. "You're more a stranger to me than anyone else in the world."

You feel something wet and warm on your face. "The only thing I understood after we bonded was you could never willingly accept me even if you wanted to. Even if I wanted you to."

"You were a child," he says, staring at his bloodied, barely human hand.

"You were too," you say. Taeil's words had embedded in you, writ deep with how those words affected him. Nineteen years old was nothing, it still feels like yesterday the way thirteen does to you.

"I waited a decade for you. I know it was stupid of me to hold on to but you were my safety. I would have just been nobody, a prize for someone else to take if I hadn't held onto the hope that one day, someday, you'd come back for me."

Your voice cracks as the things you've held in spill out. You're addressing your prime, now, but the words are for them all.

"I didn't know that I'd end up here when I ran away. I just made a decision, when I saw you again. That I wanted to be with you. Whatever the cost."

You let that penetrate, looking up to the Canid beside you. Haechan doesn't meet your eyes, hand unconsciously pressed to the bandage around his neck. You turn to take on the stares of the others in the room–Doyoung, Yuta, Jungwoo.

"I'm not sorry for wanting to be with you. I can only apologize for hurting the people you love."

And you.

You suck in a breath, wincing at the push of your lungs against your tortured breastbone. "It will take me a long time to forget the way you've treated me. I didn't deserve it."

It wasn't his fault he was a monster. They all were. But so are you, under scrutiny.

You choke on a sob, pain pushed outward. "You don't deserve me. I'm not nothing. And even if I was . . . You should have been more kind."

You steady yourself, Taeyong pulling back to allow you the space needed to stay centered. In this moment, surrounded and overwhelmed as you are by the intricacies of their responses, you are alone. For the first time in a very long time, you are yourself–nothing hidden or influenced.

"But I want you to try." You say. "I want us to live, any way we can. I want to try."

You mimic Taeyong's obeisance, bowed so deep that your head touches the floor. Your tail curls at your side, neck offered in place of the man beside you.

"I accept you. The will of the pack is mine, including whatever punishment you decide. I am yours . . . If you will have me."

No one answers, not even Taeyong–his breath held in his chest as he looks up at the prime standing over you both, radiating a complex anger in his posture and scent.

It takes a long time for him to answer.

"A life for a life," Johnny echoes, softly.

"A life for a life," you affirm, finally sobbing. The sound is muffled as you choke on it, hysterics making you frantically fight for air.

Johnny hunches down and you can't keep from flinching away. It rings through you both as if a deep wound has been torn open once more. This time it's a bone broken with the intention of resetting it.

"I need time," you say between stuttering breaths. "Please, Alpha."

Any relief you feel in the room is swept up in the deluge of fury radiating from Johnny, unable to hold it any longer. It swirls through you, as sudden as he becomes the beast again, crates and equipment swept aside as he storms away, wrecking everything in his wake.

You don't watch him leave, reaching instead for an unconscious Jaehyun to pull him into your lap. You press a torn sleeve to his ravaged neck, his head lolling against your thigh.

"Take care of us," you plead, even if the man you're speaking to can no longer hear you–only the phantom of his presence in the room. "Be strong for us. All of us."

You feel the weight of the others' regard, knowing they won't approach you unless asked to, or speak to you unasked.

"I need you," you whisper.

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