#none of those things make you less masculine. and that’s true for other trans people too

[iscairot]

any tips for closeted transmascs? I really look up to you :)

listen to mcr play with makeup fill in your eyebrows be as ugly as you want surround yourself with other trans bodies learn to see yourself and your trans-ness as something holy and desirable smoke some weed if you wanna but don’t smoke cigarettes paint your nails pick up a hobby do it badly sing off key and kiss your friends!!!

[ksfoxwald]

Fire and Hemlock Readalong: Chapter 5

In which Polly trains to be a hero.

There is just so much gender about it, too. Part of it is that Polly is at that age, like ten or twelve, when gender goes from being a sort of background noise to something you actively participate in, but you don't know the rules and they keep shifting and you sort of zigzag back and froth between what you think you want and what you think you should want.

Polly's focus on hero training is atheleticism, resulting in her playing football/soccer with the boys at lunchtime. Her father gives her a dollhouse for Christmas - on the advice of her mother - when Polly really wanted a fort. These are masculine, hero things she wants for herself. But then when Tom invites her over again, she panics over not having a nice dress, and at the prospect of cutting her hair short. Polly moves between genders the way she moves between the real world and the imaginary one. The imaginary world is safe and free, unlike the real world of being pushed and pulled around in her parents' divorce. It is the world where she exists for herself, and gets to be a boy without having to worry about all the complexities of being a girl. The real world is in a way less true, because it's the one where Polly is less perceived as herself; Polly is constantly under scrutiny, but never truly seen; her mother thinks she wants a dollhouse. Her teachers think she is getting into fights because of the divorce. And after beating up the school bully:

The rest of the school regarded her as a heroine. This is nothing like being a hero, which is inside you. This was public.

The use of the gendered hero/heroine here is so fascinating. The heroine is what is seen from the outside. The hero is what is felt within.

So let's talk about trans!Polly.

And while we're at it, let's talk about trans!Tom. no-where-new-hero has some excellent observations about how Tom is coded as feminine, or at least as not-masculine. The other male characters we have met so far are Seb Leroy, Morton Leroy, and Reg who all have a sort of bluster about them, trying to make themselves seem bigger and more important, while Tom is meek and agreeable, to Polly's great annoyance. His relationship with Laurel also places him in a traditionally feminine spouse-as-property arrangement.

Both Tom and Polly identify strongly with each others' heroic counterparts; Polly, in a way, is creating Tan Coul as an avatar of masculine ideal that she wishes she could be, but can't quite imagine herself as, which is why she gives that role to the reluctant Tom and claims the role of assistant for herself. Tom, meanwhile, asks if he can't be the assistant, but she won't let him. Polly wants Tom to be the man she wishes to become - strong and heroic. Meanwhile, Tom wants Polly to be the girl he could have been - happy and protected.

It is true that none of these things need necessarily be gendered or transgendered, but it does show how both of them cross gender boundaries the same way the cross between the real world and the imaginary. Indeed, Polly isn't the only one crossing gender in this chapter, with Nina landing the role of King Herod in the school play for being "better than any of the boys at ranting and roaring and looking kingly." But the thing is, Diana always wrote of gender in such a queer way, as something that was put upon you rather than something that existed within yourself. I think if she had lived a bit longer she might have been one of those old people that say things like "I probably would have been nonbinary if we'd had such things when I was your age." But we'll never know for sure.

(The way she handles sex also struck me as rather ace, but that's a conversation for another time)

This is also the chapter where we are introduced to Tan Coul's friends; Polly can't yet recognize Tan Audel, because she still doesn't quite recognize that a girl can be a hero. We also struggle quite a bit in this chapter with what being a hero really means. Polly is quite certain in her head about what heroes are, but starts to find out that it doesn't quite pan out like that in the real world.

"It's not just strength that heroes need. It's also courage." "Heroes do not fight for themselves, but for other people. "The rest of the school regarded her as a heroine. This is nothing like being a hero, which is inside you."

Adding to the motif, we catch of glimpse of Tom playing Beethoven's Eroica, which, though it is very hard to not read as "erotica," is actually from the root "heroic" rather than "erotic."

Diana wrote of Fire and Hemlock that she specifically wanted a story with a girl hero, but the thing is, when she starts with "why shouldn't a girl be a hero?" she follows it up with "what makes one a hero? why should a hero do things a certain way?" Because while Tan Coul is a very Herculean great deeds kind of hero, Polly herself is the Odysseus type that is heroic through cleverness and tricks. But if you're holding up the ideas of girls and heroes next to each other, and asking what being a hero means and how to become one, you have an unspoken question of "what makes a girl? why must a girl be a certain way?" and makes being a girl a deliberate act as much as being a hero.

And that is very trans.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

I want to start this off with that I support trans head cannons broadly they are a good thing and that Trans women are allowed to see themselves in any character and headcannon them as trans women and it’s none of my business when they do that This is a vent post. I just want to put my feelings out.

Any evidence I talk about in this post is stuff I have seen be used as evidence for this head canon. If it don’t apply let it fly. BUT I actually hate the Ed (our flag means death) is a trans woman head canon and I’m gonna talk about it. Part of the reason I hate it is personal. I really relate to him, He is in fact the most intensely relatable character I have ever seen on screen or in books or anywhere really, and I’m a trans man, so that’s part of it. But part of why I hate this head canon is because I feel like it rests on a very fundamental misunderstanding of the character and also of masculinity. Please stick with me when I say that.

Now any reason is a good enough reason to head canon any character as trans, and I am not here to beef with trans women who see themselves in Ed. What I do beef with is the idea that because he likes Stede’s fancy lad clothes and he doesn’t want to be the monster that Izzy (The character with the most toxic masculinity) wants him to be, that those things make him less of a man. You get how that’s harmful, right? The idea that he can’t be a man because he rejects toxic masculinity is harmful and it implies that the only masculinity there is to be found is toxic and that anyone who rejects toxic masculinity is not a man. When really I think Ed has the most advanced masculinity of any character in the show. Because Ed is a man and his masculinity is never seen as in opposition to anyone. Izzy is the most obvious example of defining his masculinity in opposition to others on this show and Ed is failing to live up to his ridged definition masculinity and instead of being like oh Izzy’s a shitlord don’t worry about him a lot of yall have taken that as a way to emasculate ed. Then theres the thing with Stede’s clothes. I truely think some of yall heard as kids “Pirates are for boys, Princesses are for girls” And just internalized the fuck out of that. So when Ed takes interest in rich people shit (not gendered) and desires the finer things (Not gendered) and gets yelled at by Izzy for being a good enough Pirate for engaging in these things (Ching Shih/Zheng Yi Sao is literally rolling in her grave if you think piracy is gendered) you take that as evidence that he’s not a man? Like I just want you to analyze why these things add up to him not being a man for you, that’s all. Again if it don’t apply let it fly. Ed’s interest in frilly shit is because he as a poor indigenous man has been systemically excluded from comfort, and it feels weird when people gender that. Like men aren’t allowed to desire comfort.

There are of course ways in which Ed is feminine, he’s a complex character and no complex character is all one or all the other, but he presents a non toxic masculinity. He’s in touch with his emotions, he allows himself to be vulnerable, he doesn’t put anyone else down to prove he’s more of a man. and yet he’s still masculine. His beard is his whole brand, he cracks open a cold one with the boys, ect. (I know women can have beards but you understand my point)

I feel like this also fits into a larger problem this fandom has on taking Izzy’s word for things even when we know Izzy’s the worst. Like Ed is autistic and there’s oodles of evidence in the way he moves the things he says and does and stuff like that but I’ve seen yall bring up the way Izzy talks about him like he’s insane and cant take care of himself as evidence for it anyway when that’s not even true.

Now I feel like the most valid piece of evidence for the trans girl Ed headcanon is the scene that makes me headcanon him as a trans man. Which is the scene with Izzy at the end of the show where Ed “comes out” and asks him to use his “chosen name” Edward instead of Blackbeard, and then he “goes back into the closet” because Izzy threatens his safety. Fair enough. This is why I said at the beginning that I’m not here to beef with trans girls who see themselves in him, but I do kinda want to bring it up to point out that I can use this as evidence for him being a trans man. It’s not gendered, it’s just not cis.

And finally the underlying reason why I don’t just let it go and why I made a big long vent post about it. I relate to him. I find his brand of masculinity relatable, and when people dismiss this brand of masculinity I find that super invalidating. And I know that’s my own personal shit to deal with but you will note that this is my own personal blog, so, you know, that’s sort of what I’m doing by making a vent post. I just don’t like it when people see him stimming on Stede’s clothes (autistic and something I do) or being theatrical or crying or writing poetry or wearing a robe around the house and declaring that feminine. I hate it when you guys do that. I know I don’t control how other people interpret media and I don’t control what the vibe on this character is but the evidence I’ve seen pulled out for this particular head canon rubs me the wrong way. I don’t thing I would have as much of a problem with it if the evidence I often see get pulled out didn’t feel like it was reinforcing harmful ideas about what a man isn’t. There is also something to be said for Stede’s sexuality in relation to this head canon but that doesn’t rub me the wrong way quite as much.

[eboymoder]

i love how a shit ton of transfemmes love to act like transmasculine oppression is not only less important, but mostly nonexistent, to the point of it even being heretically offensive to discuss in a way that takes it as seriously as transmisogyny or even like. seriously AT ALL and not just something to joke about doing to transmascs when they happen to be both annoying and someone who goes by a common name, like aiden.

like i know you get all your facts and logic from a bunch of super retarded twitblr baeddels but i do in fact regret to inform you that out of most known social demographic categories, transmasculine people have THE highest rates of suicide and sexual assault, especially compared to cis men and cis women, but even sometimes when compared to transfems!

but yeah, tell me more about how “transandrophobia” is just some reddit MRA shit. keep talking about how transmisogyny is the worst kind of oppression that could possibly happen to anyone ever and how transmascs are just transitioning because they hate women and want to attain male privilege, something not only regular for us all to want but definitely possible to achieve through the cis validation we are soooo totally receiving from society.

if you believe that being a man or transitioning into masculinity is INHERENTLY EVIL or makes you get MORE PRIVILEGE AND NOT WAY LESS OF IT FROM LITERALLY ANYBODY INCLUDING OUR OWN SUPPOSED ALLIES then i am sorry to say but i think the thing that is poisoning your brain and making you stupid is not testosterone. it might be 4chan though, you might wanna get that checked out. being a woman does not make you inherently softer, more pure, more innocent, kinder, more deserving of love. none of those things. and in fact, acting like women can do no wrong by virtue of simply existing as their gender is often used to silence victims of abusive women, because feminism or something. absolutely shut the fuck up.

god you are all so stupid. why the fuck would a man with a pussy or boobs get MORE RESPECT instead of MORE KILLED AND HUMILIATED. WE BY VIRTUE OF BEING BORN ARE FAILDAUGHTERS WHO ARE CONSTANTLY REMINDED OF OUR INHERENT LACK OF THE MANY CENTRAL DEFININITIVE CHARACTERISTICS ASSOCIATED WITH MANLINESS. WHY WOULD WE BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY BY “REAL” MEN AND WOMEN, AS WE ARE SEEN TO BE NEITHER OF THOSE?

imagine let’s say, a trans man. scary, fucked up, i know right, but bear with me now, i have a point to make. so this guy is for all intents and purposes completely cis-passing. his voice is deep and melodic. he has full grown facial hair. his facial structure is like a chad wojak. he isnt getting bald from taking t yet. he’s skinny, but not to the point of looking twinky or like a femboy. he isn’t overly emotional in a womancoded way most of the time. he’s white. he’s got a good job that pays well enough to not be homeless or starving. so yeah, all of those things. except for one crucial difference: he does not wish to pursue bottom surgery. he enjoys having a vagina. he is also interested in having sexual relationships, exclusively with other men-identified people.

here’s where things get tricky. you know the trans panic murder legality exception? that still does apply to transmascs too, you know. we are also transgendereds. but yeah so this guy decides to hook up with a stranger off a dating app. things are going fine. he hasnt yet disclosed his birth sex, he had no pronouns in bio, he is assumed to be cis.

wow, you think, this guy is living the dream. he is so privileged for this.

sike, you fucking idiot. he is about to get hatecrimed and abused as soon as he does the pussy reveal. he will probably also get raped. the guy he wanted to have a fun time with actually hates women so much he thinks that sometimes they try to become men to trick true homosexuals. he fucking gets this guy. transmasc chad is now dead. when his funeral happens, his estranged parents retcon his legal name change from years prior to deadname and misgender him as a final slap in the face. where is this privilege then? huh? tell me, quickly now.

every single fucking hate crime that is possible to do to a transfeminine person is just as easily possible to do to a transmasculine person. absolutely fuck yourself if you disagree. because it can and does happen. not only that, but we experience unique things you never will be able to: getting pregnant, getting raped in ways that could make us pregnant, if we want to get pregnant we have to temporarily detransition in order to do so, period associated symptoms that involve painful bleeding and not just period-lite emotional swings like some people experience on estrogen. stuff like that is what we need our own words for, you just wouldnt get it.

you just live in a bubble full of shetheyits who love to be stupid online and expect the entire world to kiss their toes in response when they say things that are just completely and objectively wrong but frame themselves in a tactical light in order to shit on the most amount of people they can just to fucking feel something. why do you love re-creating or appropriating existing structures of oppression and drawing lines in the sand arbitrarily with people you should be experiencing sympathy for because we are more like you than we are not like you. society hates us all, dont you dare forget that.

[transmascissues]

Also can we talk about how the ~perfect stealth trans man~ has to be INCREDIBLY PRIVILEGED in other ways many trans men aren’t? He has to be white, he has to be skinny, he has to be rich to afford surgery, he has to be from a trans-friendly country, he has to be able-bodied, he has to be neurotypical. I’m none of those things! This strawman just throws the trans men who already aren’t privileged under the bus.

exactly!! so many people act like the majority of trans men are this magical kind of stealth but even if it were possible to achieve that at all, that would require the majority trans men to be privileged in literally every other way and that statistically just isn’t true, queer people in general are more likely to be marginalized in other ways than the general population so it makes absolutely no sense to assume that many trans men could have that much privilege

like...i’m probably going to start medically transitioning around the time i get a mobility aid, and given how disabled men are treated as inherently less masculine, there’s a very good chance that just having a mobility aid and being visibly disabled will counteract any chance of passing that i might gain from medically transitioning

and that’s assuming transitioning even gives me the chance to pass, because people tend to assume that testosterone is a magical substance that instantly gives you the body of a cis man somehow but that’s just...not how it works, a lot of people on testosterone don’t get changes that would allow them to pass completely and there’s literally no way to control it, it’s just how your body processes the hormone

[gattmammon]

Since it's apparently genderfluid visibility week I'm gonna talk about how I came across the realization. Idk if this could help other people or further confuse them I just wanna talk about why the genderfluid label feels right for me.

I'm AFAB. It has always been so hard to make others understand that in certain situations my confidence doesn't get a boost from being "pretty" and wearing makeup. For example for the first day on any job I always prepared masculine clothes, but then just before the day itself I would chicken out and dress the way a woman is expected to dress in my very conservative part of the world, and put on makeup - and that would *completely destroy* my confidence and turn me into a stuttering mess because I knew that everyone would see me and think "woman" and that just doesn't match how I feel when I am at work. I thought this was normal I thought that all women hated putting on makeup and pretty clothes sometimes and it was a while before I found out others like it? Or at least get a boost of confidence? While I sat there looking at GNC masculine people wearing makeup thinking "but why the fuck would you go through that everyday, you don't have to!!!" Because the idea that people could *enjoy* looking "feminine" in all situations was like insane to me.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being fully "feminine" sometimes, that's why I feel like genderfluid is closer to how I identify than any other label, it just never occurred to me until relatively recently that my switching between intense like and intense dislike of certain external "gender markers" wasn't normal.

(this makes picking a haircut a pain in the fucking ass too)

I hesitated for a very long time on the verge of non-trans labels... GNC woman, masc woman, "butch", but none of them felt truly right, because most of them posited that I identified with the feminine gender first and foremost and that's like. Not true, not always. And also all of those posit that I always feel a certain way, which I know that isn't necessarily true, but like, I think this is my main thing - my switch between "woman" and "man" is EXTREMELY dramatic. I have like days in which I want to go to the grocery story in full face of makeup and dramatic neckline to show off my boobs and there are days in which I want to go to the beach with hairy legs and Hawaiian swimming trunks and I hate my boobs with fiery passion.

So like, genderfluid feels the rightest of all because it encapsulates both the intensity of how I experience gender and the dramatic distance between the extremes. Bigender could also be right, but genderfluid seems more elastic - I also have my enby days, thought they're rare, and also I just generally like having a bit more room to breathe.

I think this is the main thing for me. Room to breathe. That's what makes it feel right for me - when I say I'm genderfluid I feel immediately lighter, less constricted. It took a very long time to get here, and I am not in a place in which I can fully express myself yet, but it is still such a relief, to know myself, even if only in the privacy of my own brain.

[do-what-the-knight-tells-you]

Farewell Wanderlust and Gender: an Incomplete Analysis

Okay a thing I really dig in Farewell Wanderlust is this section that Joey sings:

I’m the face that stares back when the screen goes to black

When your mum says ‘you look healthy’ but you know she means you got fat

I’m the tales that the guests will applaud and believe

I’m the child that you just didn’t have time to conceive

I promise you I’m not broken

I promise you there’s more

More to come, more to reach for, more to hurl at the door

Goodbye to all my darkness, there’s nothing here but light

Adieu to all the faceless things that sleep with me at night

This here isn’t make up, it’s a porcelain tomb

This here is not singing, I’m just screaming in tune

And I think partly it's because these are not necessarily sentiments you often hear from cis men? Which, I know, he starts his part singing "she said", so he's clearly meaning to take up the (same?) female role from the earlier part of the song, but it's still a voice we read as masculine doing the part, we still know it's Joey... And if it was just the makeup line, like, okay, some men wear makeup, esp performers/actors etc.

And the comment about your mom noticing your weight, yeah, definitely men get that shit too... But we're starting to stray into territory that is more familiar, or at least more familiarly portrayed, as being shit cis women have to deal with.

But him practically yelling, or growling, in frustration on

the child that you just didn't have time to conceive

followed Immediately by

I promise you, I'm not broken, I promise you, there's more. More to come. More to reach for..."

Again, I am sure there are cis men who get nagged and shamed for not reproducing, but that sentiment, the way it's phrased, followed by "I'm not broken" just reeks of every cis woman who ever dared to do something other than have kids in her early-mid 20s, in a family like that. Whether for career/financial reasons, or because she wanted kids, but wouldn't settle for less than a really compatible partner and hadn’t happened to meet one yet, or Literally Any Reason and she's at that family get together and all the fucking aunties are twittering away about how she's running out of time, wasting her life/opportunity for family, not filling the role she ought, what's wrong with her? And whether she wants kids eventually, and Really just hasn't had time/reached that point yet, or she Doesn't, and this Is The Plan, Fuck You, I Am Not Broken, maybe this Is How I Want It and it's NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS what my life looks like... !!!

And so to hear a voice we perceive as male express those sentiments, that frustration, it's deeply different and satisfying in a way that is distinct from if Madeline were singing those lines. Those things would still be true, the lines are I think technically still coming from the same character...

But honestly, for me, that switch, him delivering that section in particular, gives me, personally, Big Trans Vibes.

So long to the person you begged me to be

S/He’s down. S/He’s dead.

Now take a long look at what you’ve done to me?

The singer doesn't have to be FtM necessarily, plenty of room for a non-binary reading, and plenty of just general Queer sentiment (the concept of "queer time" comes to mind here-- in brief, the idea that for lots of folk under that umbrella, because it often takes them longer to sort their personal desires/presentations/identities out than it does more cis/het/allo folks, they often experience a 5-10 year [varies significantly, I'm pulling those numbers out of thin air and personal experience] "delay" in hitting life stages that said cis/het/allo folk would. Steve and Melissa might be high school sweethearts, or meet in college, and get hitched and be having kids in their 20s, But Skylar, say, didn't start dating dudes as a dude until he was 25, so if it takes him five or more years to date around (and around a smaller pool, probs) and find a good partner, he won't be ready to start working on kids until at least his early thirties, and depending on the ways in which his and his partner's reproductive situation are or are not compatible for the Making of Children, it can take them even longer to unlock the Nuclear Family skin-- assuming that's even something they are interested in! Life stages at really different ages; queer time).

So yeah, it was really easy for me to drop a trans lens on this one: he's at this gathering, a wedding or whatever, and maybe he's newly out presenting as male, or maybe he's been this way, been presenting this way, for a goddamn decade, and that does not fucking stop the people who continue to approach him as though he was still the girl they thought they knew. And so he's still getting all the misogynist bulshit, the hetero/cisnormative expectation that “she, oh my goodness oops, *giggle* he” really would be happy if she he would just give up all the queer stuff, or career stuff, and maybe put a little more care into her his appearance, and then she he would be able to find a husband already and get down to the respectable business of producing and raising children!

And maybe he wants kids, he literally just hasn't had time between capitalism and going through a second effing puberty, what do you want Linda, I'm not broken, I am absolutely the person I am supposed to be and I have So Much Time and future in front of me still precisely because of how shit the last few years have been, how hard I've had to work, how bold I've had to be. Have you ever completely up-ended your life and risked burning every bridge you've ever known in order to be the healthiest/happiest version of yourself in your control? No? Then Fuck. Off. Linda. And farewell.

[th3atr3phant0m]

Gender

Perhaps Zim was just missing out on something, but he really didn’t understand why some of their peers treated DIb in the way that they did.

Of course, part of that could have to do with the fact that Zim hadn’t transferred into their school district until a few years ago and hadn’t known everyone there as they knew one another, but that didn’t make things any clearer, in his eyes.

Zim was no stranger to the cruelty of his fellow humans. He had learned a great deal about how people worked and the terror that came with them when he lived in the orphanage, so seeing people treat Dib like garbage wasn’t inherently strange but the way in which they did it certainly was.

Their peers almost constantly belittled Dib for his intense passion for the paranormal and extraterrestrial. Ever since he was a child, he had been incredibly interested in both of them, and that interest had only grown as he did. He put forth seemingly endless amounts of his time and energy into studying his passions. Honestly, Zim found it admirable. Unfortunately, though, many of their peers didn’t feel the same way, claiming that he was obsessed and insane. Considering how frequently Dib ranted about the paranormal and the intensity with which he did it, Zim could understand that, though.

What didn’t make sense to him were the strange things that they said to Dib in regard to his gender.

On more than one occasion, Zim had heard their fellow students refer to Dib as a girl or tell him that he looked or sounded feminine in some way or another. Zim couldn’t understand why. It was very clear to him and anyone who attended school with them that Dib was a guy. It wasn’t just the fact that he wore masculine or androgynous clothes- any idiot knew that clothes didn’t really mean anything- but the fact that Dib exclusively responded to male pronouns.  It was obvious that Dib wasn’t a girl and that he wasn’t comfortable with being addressed as such, so why did so many of their peers do so? Even people as ignorant as some of them were had to pick up on the fact that Dib was a man- or so Zim thought. Clearly, he was giving them far too much credit, though.

Sometimes, when Dib got irritated with others, they would make some idiotic comment about him being on his period or something along those lines. It always just worked to piss him off further, but it upset him in a completely different way than their comments about him being a freak did.

Despite the fact that Dib looked incredibly masculine, their peers would frequently tease him about how feminine he looked or acted, invalidating his masculinity almost as an easy insult to fall back on. It was clear that their words had more to do with getting a rise out of Dib than having any actual truth to it, but that didn’t make it any less nonsensical.

Zim had no clue why their peers made those comments towards Dib, nor why they upset him so much. The two of them were far from being friends- Zim would even say that they were enemies, in some ways- but he wasn’t cruel enough to stoop to that level. While he didn’t’ completely understand why that was a sore spot for him, he never harassed him about it like the others sometimes did. It felt wrong in several ways- not to mention the fact that it was a pathetic move.

Not understanding what it was that he was missing out on and wanting some answers, Zim decided to ask Dib about it.

~~~

Dib and Zim were not friends. They fought almost constantly, practically at war in several aspects. They always did everything in their power to beat the other at every turn, refusing to allow the other to have a single success without putting up a fight. They battled for the title of valedictorian, for the highest grade on each assignment, for the most clever and creative insults and comebacks to said insults, and for the best ideas. To the untrained eye, it seemed as though they hated one another with every fibre of their beings.

That didn’t mean that Dib didn’t pick up on things about the other, though. In fact, in many ways, it made him more attentive to changes in Zim than he was to changes in anyone else. Considering how much of his energy and attention Zim had, it only made sense for Dib to notice things.

They were small day-to-day changes, but, considering Dib’s own history, he couldn’t help but pick up on them.

Zim’s style, though very consistently inconsistent and a chaotic mix of anything and everything he liked- something that Dib couldn’t help but admire at least a little but- seemed to change near daily. One day, he would wear a button-down shirt with a clashing vest and the next day he would wear a dress with fishnet stockings underneath. Zim’s style seemed to vary between feminine, masculine, and androgynous regardless of whether he was wearing something formal or casual.

As someone who had gone through the festive experience of attempting to “subtly” switch between masculine and feminine while figuring out how to comfortably express his gender without getting harassed, Dib couldn’t help to liken it to his own experience. While Zim hadn’t gone to their school when Dib was first beginning to realize and attempt to express his gender, the practice of putting forth a lot of effort into presenting a certain gender for a few days before deciding that was too emotionally taxing and giving up for a few days was… familiar. While DIb couldn’t be certain that Zim was doing what Dib had been doing back then, it was incredibly similar, and he couldn’t help but liken the experiences to one another.

It wasn’t an incredibly strange thing- it wasn’t as though Zim acted or spoke any differently depending on the day- but it was something that had Dib curious. Was Zim transgender as well and struggling with coming out? Was he just experimenting with different styles? Was he just being the weird, chaotic person that he was by keeping his style and presentation up in the air?

Whatever it was, Dib wanted to know, but he didn’t exactly have the opportunity to ask.

That is, until Zim brought something up one day at lunch.

“Why is it that our peers sometimes refer to you as a girl?”

Dib nearly choked on the juice he was drinking, “What-?”

“Why is it that-”

“No, I heard you the first time,” Dib shook his head, clearing his throat. He really wasn’t expecting that question- especially so abruptly- and he didn’t really know how to answer it. “Because people are assholes?”

“Obviously,” Zim rolled his eyes disdainfully, though Dib had a feeling that was directed towards their peers rather than him, “Is there a specific reason, though?”

Zim hadn’t been going to school with them when Dib had still been presenting as female or even when he first came out as trans, but he still assumed that Zim just… knew . Considering everything that his peers did and said to him, he assumed that it was obvious that he wasn’t biologically male. According to them, he didn’t pass very well. Did Zim just not understand the concept of transphobia, or did he genuinely just… not know ? Neither seemed likely, all things considered.

Not completely trusting that Zim wasn’t just dicking with him, Dib narrowed his eyes slightly, “Because I’m trans.”

Zim blinked, seemingly taken aback, before some sort of realization began to dawn on him, “Oooh. So you are a trans woman? Then why does it bother you when-?”

“I- no,” Dib face-palmed, “I’m a transgender guy . I’m a man and they’re going out of their way to misgender me to piss me off.”

Zim’s expression changed completely, anger replacing the confusion, “What the fuck is wrong with people? That’s pathetic.”

Zim wasn’t naive- he knew just as well as Dib that people could be absolute assholes and that they didn’t always need to be provoked to do so. He wasn’t a stranger to harassment from their peers, either, and, considering the fact that they weren’t friends , Dib didn’t completely understand why Zim seemed to care. Regardless, it was nice that at least someone didn’t think what they were doing was okay.

Dib propped his chin up against the palm of his hand, “What about you?”

“Eh?”

“Do people ever go out of their way to do that shit to you when you wear dresses and stuff?”

“Misgender me, you mean?”

Dib nodded.

“Not the same way that they do with you.”

He raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

“Well, when they call me “he” on my femme days, it’s not because they’re trying to be cruel. It’s usually when they actually call me the correct pronouns that they’re intentions are shit.”

“Femme days?” Dib echoed, thinking, “You’re gender-fluid?”

“Was that not obvious?”

“Was it not obvious that I was a trans dude?”

“No, actually.”

Dib blinked, “Really?”

“Yeah,” Zim tilted his head to the side, “You know that when people say those things to you, they’re just trying to upset you, right? None of it is true. You look like a normal guy- well, normal for you .”

Dib rolled his eyes at the insult, but he didn’t take it to heart- he never really did when Zim insulted him. At this point, they had lost their bite. He was more focused on the other things that Zim had said, “Thanks.”

Zim seemed to think for a moment before speaking again, “Do you think that I pass well?”

“Assuming I’m actually guessing which days are which for you? Yeah.” Dib leaned back in his seat, “You’re pretty androgynous already, so you can pull off any look, to be honest.” As much as Dib loathed the concept of complimenting his enemy, they were having a peaceful conversation for the first time in a while and Zim had shown him some kindness as well, so it didn’t feel too strange to say it.

Zim nodded but said nothing and they soon lapsed into a comfortable silence.

After everything that he heard from the others they went to school with, it was nice to hear from a few people that Dib looked like a guy. He couldn’t help but feel a little more comfortable now that he knew this about Zim- as though knowing made sharing his own truth with Zim slightly less vulnerable. Somehow, Zim understanding in his own way made it less awkward. It was nice to have someone in their school who understood- it was nice to have something in common with Zim.

~~~

A few weeks had passed since Dib and Zim had discussed their genders and nothing much had changed. One thing that Dib had noticed was that their peers began to mock and misgender Dib less than usual and it was obvious that this was no mere coincidence.

While it wasn’t obvious to Dib immediately, it soon became clear to him that Zim was actually defending him when people attempted to harass him about being trans.

Initially, Dib had no proof that this was actually happening. It was just a theory of his that Zim had been stepping in when the situations arose, but there were a few things that happened here and there and bits and pieces of conversations that he picked up that made him feel fairly confident that his suspicions were correct.

Dib’s hypothesis was finally confirmed weeks later in one of his classes.

Nothing too out of the ordinary happened. Jessica had gone out of her way to misgender Dib on more than one occasion in the past. Regardless of that, hearing her refer to him as a “she” in front of the entire class and being met with snickers from their peers made his stomach twist with anger and distaste. No matter how many times it had happened, it still hurt.

Dib had never been one to stay quiet about something important to him- hell, he had openly yelled about the paranormal in the middle of class several times when they were back in middle school- but before he could say anything, Zim cut in.

“It’s he , actually, and if you had more than half a brain cell, you would know that.”

Dib blinked, taken aback, and so did Jessica- though he was certain they had completely different reasons for doing so.

Jessica turned on Zim immediately, fixing him with a glare, “What did you just say?”

Zim leaned in and narrowed his eyes as well, not at all deterred by her attempted threat, “I said Dib is a he and, if you had-”

“I heard you the first time.”

“Oh, really? I couldn’t tell,” Zim tilted his head, “Your expression is so constantly vacant that it’s almost impossible to tell when anything actually gets through your thick skull.”

Just as Jessica’s boyfriend stood up from his seat to intervene- almost definitely violently- Ms. Bitters cut in, “That’s enough! Everyone sit down and be quiet.”

Both Jessica and her boyfriend shot Zim glares but did as told. Zim just smirked, satisfied with how things had turned out.

Dib couldn’t help but gape at the entire scene before him. Zim- his rival and archenemy- had just stood up for him publicly . While Dib had had a hunch that Zim had been trying to help somehow, he hadn’t expected to see such an open expression of it- especially not against one of the more popular and easily agitated people they went to school with. Dib was genuinely surprised.

When Zim caught his gaze, he gave Dib a pleased, somewhat smug grin- probably at least a little proud of himself for shocking Dib so genuinely. Dib could practically hear Zim teasing him about the “stupid look” on his face.

Dib rolled his eyes, trying to seem nonchalant. It was hard to pretend that what happened hadn’t been a big deal, though, when the warmth spreading through Dib’s chest was so pleasant and prominant.

~~~

Zim hadn’t expected Dib’s reaction to seeing him correct Jessica in front of their class, but he would be lying if he said that the look on Dib’s face didn’t make him happy. There was something about bringing Dib joy that made Zim feel good as well, regardless of their stance as foes… plus the stupid look on Dib’s face was perfect .

That wasn’t the only thing that Zim hadn’t anticipated coming out of the situation, though.

A few days after the incident with Jessica, Zim twisted in the correct combination for his locker to gather some of the books he would need for his next class. When he did so, though, he was met with something that hadn’t been there the previous day.

Sitting atop his other belongings was an envelope labelled with his name on the front. There was a small bulge in the package, showing that there was something more than just a note hidden within the crumpled paper.

Raising an eyebrow curiously, Zim picked up the envelope, books forgotten.

He peeled back the seal before shaking the contents out into his hands. The colourful beads that tumbled from the paper almost slipped through Zim’s fingers and clattered to the ground, but he managed to catch them to avoid that disaster. Alongside them was a small slip of paper.

Setting aside the note and the envelope, Zim unclenched his fist, revealing the beads so he could take a closer look at them.

They were not, in fact, loose beads. Instead, they were three different bracelets, each made of differently coloured glass and stone beads with a single silver bead on each of them. One bracelet was fuchsia and rose quartz with a silver space ship on it, another made of amethyst and violet stones with a single rocket bead, and the last a bright mix of chartreuse and emerald beads with an alien charm.

Zim blinked, holding them up to the light so he could get a better look at them. The glass beads shone pleasantly and the silver charms on each one shimmered happily. He couldn’t deny that they were beautifully crafted.

After a moment of examining and admiring them, Zim turned his attention back to the slip of paper that had accompanied the pieces of jewellery within the envelope.

Hey, Space Boy. I saw something online about some gender-fluid people wear different bracelets corresponding to what pronouns they want people to use for them on certain days and I thought these could be helpful for you. I wasn’t sure what colours to use, but you wear pink, purple, and green a lot, so I figured they would be a safe bet. If you want to use them, tell me which ones correspond to which pronouns or whatever so I get it right.

- D.M.

Zim couldn’t help but grin. He’d thought about doing something similar in the past, but hadn’t acted on it, not really anticipating anyone actually respecting it. This gift from Dib, though, proved that at least one person would and, as ridiculous as that seemed, it brightened Zim’s day.

Smile still playing across his lips, Zim slipped on the green bracelet before carefully tucking away the other two in the front pocket of his backpack, irritation briefly dissipating at the thought that someone did care.

The beautiful cover art for this story was draw by @sams-art-shit​!

I originally posted the fic here on Archive of Our Own. If you liked this, it’s part of a small series, so please check it out, if you’re interested!

[uncloseted]

I hope to be better one day. I believe in only two genders because I believe science doesn’t care about your feelings and I feel trans people are really attention seeking and always seeking validation always need to be included always need to be reminding people. I was born female and I’m not always included in everything and I don’t turn around and call people sexist and transphobic, sometimes u get left out cos that’s called life. I’ve tried changing I cant. I just keep my opinion to myself and just agree publicly with what others say. I know I am not a bad person but just wonder what it is that I don’t get it, I honestly think this is just me.

Against my better judgement, I'm going to answer this ask. I'm not entirely convinced it's a question that's in good faith, and the fact that this ask is in my inbox at all suggests to me that you didn't really engage with the nearly 4,000 words I've already dedicated to this subject, so I don't know how much I'll be able to add to your thinking here. But I know a lot of people do genuinely have these questions or questions like these, and so I think it's important to take them seriously for anyone else who might read this answer. If you really hope to "be better" or to change your views, anon, maybe you'll get something from this, too.

Science Doesn't Care About Your Feelings

So, you start by saying that you "believe in only two genders because [you] believe science doesn’t care about your feelings". What exactly do you mean by this? Maybe science doesn't care about your feelings, but science also doesn't support the assertion that there are only two genders. The scientific community is in agreement that trans people exist. The scientific community created the term "gender dysphoria", and it appears as a medical diagnosis both in the DSM-5 and ICD-10 (and will appear in the ICD-11). The scientific community supports the use of medical and social transition to alleviate the stress and discomfort that trans people experience. The scientific community views social and medical transition as an important tool to reduce the number of trans people who will die by suicide. None of those positions are based on "feelings". They're based on scientific fact- on findings that are testable, observable, repeatable, universal, and measurable. If you want to dig into the scientific research that has been done on trans identities we can, but I have a feeling that's not really where you were going when you said "science doesn't care about your feelings."

Are you talking about "gender essentialism", where your gender is defined only by the sexual characteristics you have? In your previous ask, you yourself seemed to me to be unconvinced by biological essentialism. Are we just arguing over the proper use of the words, "sex" and "gender"? Science views sex and gender are fundamentally separate concepts that are often linked. For example, the World Health Organization, an international, scientific agency of the United Nations, says that, '[g]ender' refers to the socially constructed roles, behaviours, activities, and attributes that a given society considers appropriate for men and women" and that "'masculine' and 'feminine' are gender categories." The FDA, a federal, scientific agency of the US government, uses "sex" as a biological classification and defines "gender" as, "a person's self representation as male or female, or how that person is responded to by social institutions based on the individual's gender presentation."

But even if you were to take gender essentialism to be fact (and to be clear, I don't think we should), the idea that there are "two genders" is still incorrect. As many as 1.7% of people have at least one intersex trait, and there are many more who don't have all the sex characteristics we associate with being "a boy" or "a girl". As I mentioned in my previous post, some girls don’t have a menstrual cycle (due to menopause, hormonal birth control, low body weight, PCOS, etc), but they’re still "biological girls". Some girls don’t have a uterus (for example, if they’ve had a hysterectomy), but they’re still "biological girls". Some girls never develop breasts, but they’re still "biological girls". If you take gender essentialism to be fact, what is your definition of "a biological girl" or "a biological boy"? Could trans people who have transitioned be considered, perhaps, "a biological girl" or "a biological boy"? Why not? And where do intersex people fit into that paradigm? Would they, perhaps, be a third gender, if we take gender essentialism to be fact? And if not, why do intersex people get to be "a biological girl" or "a biological boy", but post-medical transition trans people don't?

Finally, there are very much times where science cares about your feelings. The entire scientific field of psychology is dedicated to caring about people's feelings and understanding what they mean. So is cognitive science, and psychiatry, and frequently, neuroscience. Behavioral economics and linguistics care about your feelings. Even the field of artificial intelligence and human/computer interaction cares about feelings. Feelings aren't a bad thing. They can help us to understand ourselves and others, and to create systems that work better for everyone. Feelings prompt us to ask the right questions so that science can answer them with facts. In this case, the feelings of gender dysphoria that trans people feel and a feeling of curiosity on the part of scientists led to scientific research about gender dysphoria and the development of scientifically supported treatments to alleviate that gender dysphoria.

Trans People Are Really Attention Seeking

"Trans people are really attention seeking and always seeking validation always need to be included always need to be reminding people" feels like a strawman argument to me. It's just something that can't really be proven or disproven. It's a feeling that you have, but not a scientific fact.

I think it's also an example of a "relevant logical fallacy", or what's more colloquially known as a "toupee fallacy." The toupee fallacy is a type of selection bias where a negative trait is obvious but neutral traits are not. Its nickname comes from the phrase, "all toupées look fake; I've never seen one that I couldn't tell was fake," which is an example of this fallacy. You've never seen a toupee that you can't tell was fake because you assume the ones that look real are just natural hair. The same applies to trans people. If a trans person passes, you may not know (or notice) that they're trans at all. Or if a trans person "acts normal", you may not notice because you're only looking for "toupees"- trans people who are, in your view, "acting inappropriately".

Which brings me to my second point, that this is also an example of the Baader-Meinhof (or "frequency" phenomenon. This is a phenomenon where, after you notice something for the first time, there's a tendency to notice it more often, especially if it's something that makes you react emotionally. Maybe it's not true that all "trans people are really attention seeking and always seeking validation always need to be included always need to be reminding people." Maybe it's that you're noticing it more frequently because it bothers you when this occurs, but you're not noticing all of the trans people who are just quietly living their lives.

Finally, I suspect that if we were more inclusive as a society, trans people would have to talk about their transness less frequently. If people are consistently calling trans people by their deadname or using incorrect pronouns for them, of course they're going to always be reminding people that they're trans. If people are consistently excluding them, of course they're going to be seeking inclusion. This is anecdotal, but one of my best friends is trans, and she never really talks about it unless it's directly relevant. And I think she can do that because she's always respected, included, and just generally treated like "one of the girls" (because she is just one of the girls). I said this in my last post, but I think it bears repeating- the people who are most insistent on their identity being respected tend to be the people who have been the most hurt by people not respecting who they are. Being insistent about who they are is the only way they feel they can be recognized or seen. They're operating from a place of pain. And isn't that sad more than it is annoying? It certainly is to me.

But even if we accept the (incorrect) premise that "trans people are really attention seeking and always seeking validation always need to be included always need to be reminding people".... so what? Does being attention seeking and validation seeking mean that a person's rights should be taken away from them? Because if it does, a whole lot of Instagram influencers are about to lose their rights. Does wanting to be included mean you should be ostracized from society? I think we all want to be included in one way or another. We all want to be part of a community that's bigger than we are. Does always reminding people of you are warrant people rejecting your identity? If you believe that, you should never correct that one person you know who always gets your name wrong and just accept that that's your new name now. You don't have to like people who you find annoying, but you can't just take away their rights or deny them rights because of it.

I Was Born Female and I'm Not Always Included

"I was born female and I’m not always included in everything and I don’t turn around and call people sexist and transphobic, sometimes u get left out cos that’s called life." Isn't that a bad thing, though? Don't you want to be included in spaces that you're excluded from right now? Don't you want people to be less sexist towards you? Don't you want the same rights that men have? I certainly do, and I think it's important to fight for those rights. It sucks to be left out, but more importantly, it's damaging to be left out. Being excluded from spaces has very tangible financial impacts on people, even if you don't care about the very real emotional impact it has. I don't want that exclusion to happen to me, and I don't want that to happen to the next generation of girls. Whatever I can do to make sure that stops, I'm going to do it. And yes, that includes calling people out on sexist behavior. It sucks to have to do that work, but if we don't advocate for ourselves, nobody will advocate for us. And I'm lucky that I'm in a position where I can try to be an ally to the trans community and use some of the privilege I have as a cis person to fight for them so they don't have to do it all themselves. I know how much I would love for men to use their privilege to advocate for women in spaces where we can't, and I hope I can do that for trans people in spaces where they can't advocate for themselves.

Final Thoughts

So once again, this brings me to my final thoughts, and a few questions I would encourage you to think about. What are you really worried about here? Are you worried that including trans women in women's spaces will make it more difficult to talk about issues that people with female sex characteristics face? Are you worried that trans people will center themselves in those discussions? Are you worried that cis men will masquerade as trans women to infiltrate women's spaces with nefarious intent? Are you worried that you'll say something wrong or offend someone? Are you worried that including trans women in women's issues will set women back in terms of the progress we've made? Is it a general discomfort with societal change?

Once you understand where your emotions are stemming from, then you'll be able to address them in a meaningful way. I don't think that "this is just [you]" or that you "can't change". But I do think it will be hard to change your view until you know the reasoning- might we even say... the feeling? - behind your views. You're not coming at this from a rational, emotionless, scientific perspective, and that's okay. But that means that, despite my best efforts, I probably won't be able to debate you into changing those feelings. Only you know where those feelings are coming from, and only you can choose to change them. I think you can "be better one day", but you have to choose that for yourself.

Extra Credit

If you're interested in digging further into this topic (or if you're looking for a fun and educational way to spend thirty minutes), I recommend the ContraPoints video "Pronouns":

It absolutely will not dissuade you of the notion that trans people are attention seeking, because Natalie is, at her core, a fabulous performer who uses elaborate aesthetics and sarcasm to illustrate her points and to make her philosophy lectures more fun. But it does directly argue against Ben "facts don't care about your feelings" Shapiro in a rational, logical way. It delves into a lot of the topics I was talking about the other day and also a lot of the topics you bring up in this ask. Natalie even talks herself about how the polite, easy thing to do is call someone by their preferred pronouns, but that she wants to truly understand why people use the preferred pronouns they do instead of defaulting to them because it's "dogmatically the woke thing to do". In my opinion, it's a good video, but even if you don't end up agreeing, it's not that long, so try it out anyway.

[werevulvi]

I wanted to write a bit about sex segregated spaces, in regards to people who pass as the opposite sex. This is not actually about trans people, as much as it is about the safety, integrity and general rights of male-passing biological women. I am not the only gender non-conforming woman who gets tossed out of female only spaces, based on the false presumption that we’re men. I do not care about validating trans women, or even trans men, for that matter. I care about real life practicality, risks and safety for ALL women, not just those who look conveniently clearly female, which starts with accepting that some women, whether they've medically transitioned or not, pass as male. And none of them should have to feminise themselves to access female only spaces. Whether that be to ensure safety from males, or to just take a leak.

The fact that I choose to keep my beard has almost nothing to do with that I'm male-passing. It may be my strongest "male" feature, but it's hardly the only one. I still pass as male with a clean shaven face, which makes shaving my beloved beard rather pointless, in my opinion. I would realistically need to go through more than just facial hair removal to pass as my own sex again. I'd probably even need facial feminisation surgery, hair transplant, voice feminisation and full body hair removal, at the very least, to even get close to passing as female again. But even then, I'd probably STILL be read as a trans woman, i.e. male. And even IF I did all that... WHY should I have to mutilate myself (a second time) by buying into harmful patriarchal beauty standards, which would worsen my dysphoria and reduce my comfort in my own skin significantly, to be allowed the safety of male-free spaces?

Does that sound feminist to you? Because to me, it's incredibly misogynistic, and strongly counterproductive. To uphold patriarchal gender roles for the safety of women... is the most insanely anti-feminist double standard I can possibly ever think of.

To lay out my argument on this topic, I'm going to use my own experiences as examples a lot. Mostly because I cannot with any conscience speak for anyone else than myself, at least not in such detail and with such harsh judgement. But I'm sure a lot of my experiences are applicable to other masculine women as well.

First off, I still consider myself gender critical, but my allegiance to radical feminism has been waning lately. This is mostly due to that although I agree with the base premise of radfem, I tend to disagree with the proposed solutions to almost all of the issues, because to me they come across as unfounded beliefs (yes, BELIEFS) that "it would just work" without much of any evidence to back up such a claim.

And when it comes to trans people, I've noticed a lot of... shall we say, willful ignorance, going on among many radfems, which does affect opinions on gender abolishion as well as sex segregated spaces to appear rather... intellectually dishonest, to be frank. Although this is not intended as a call out by any means, I merely want for people of all sides of the radfem/gender critical/pro-trans fence to stay critical and keep questioning everything, even one's own beloved ideology. Which I don't see a lot of. Instead I see almost religious defending of radfem as the ultimate/perfect ideology... oh, guess where I've seen that before? I've come to believe that "hivemindedness" is probably part of every possible ideology out there. Even radfem.

So, anyway.

One thing I come across time and time again is the belief (yes, I dare say "belief") that people never pass as the opposite sex, although it's mostly directed at trans people, this very much applies to people who are just gnc as well. Let's not forget that. And this belief seem to often lead to that transitioned/gnc people can just use the space intended for their biological sex, no problem. However, this is not the case. There is a problem. Very many trans people, and some gnc people, pass well enough to at least blend in enough to not raise much of an eyebrow among the opposite sex, and to most definitely stand out as an outsider among people of the same sex. OR they pass barely enough as either sex, and thus stand out as an outsider among both the same sex and the opposite sex, which can cause similar problems with single sex spaces.

There's also the thing that it generally is easier to pass as the opposite sex among complete strangers, compared to people who know you/your background. They tend to read you differently, depending on that.

At least in my experience, complete strangers assume I'm male and don't even as much as raise an eyebrow about how male I come across as. They accept their false assumption at face value. And why wouldn't they? 99,97% of people who "look like me" are biologically men. Then people who know I'm transitioned, but didn't know me pre-transition, tend to see me as a female who looks very convincingly male, whether that makes me a masculine woman, trans man, or any other (female) label in their eyes. They claim to be able to "see" my female nature, yet they somehow had no idea before I told them about my true sex. Then people who know about my history and saw it happen from the time before my transition (now only really my family) never quite succeeded to see me as anything other than a gnc woman. To quote my dad: "You look like a woman who's trying to look like a man." Although I'm sure my mom and sister don't have quite as harsh views about me, lol. They still seem to see me the way they always have, regardless of what name or pronouns they use for me.

This matters, because although people who know I'm transitioned and may even have witnessed my transition from the beginning, struggle to see me as a man (which I respect entirely and I'm VERY careful to not push wanting to be seen/read as anything in particular, but also, people do not want to be rude, especially irl) that does not go for people who have never even seen me before the moment I walk into... say, a public bathroom. To them I cannot possibly be anything other than a man, and it's almost impossible to change their view of me as male once their brains have registered me as such. I need to conjure up pretty fucking compelling evidence to shatter that view they have of me.

This is important, because it means I cannot feasibly use female only spaces, unless someone else (who is also female) vouches for me and explains my situation for me. This is, most likely due to people being more likely to believe an unlikely explanation when it's told by someone else, because maybe I could be lying; and only someone of the same sex as me can accompany/escort me into female only spaces, obviously. But even then, there's a ton of tension around my presentation. An air of distrust, basically. The question that hangs in the air: "Is that a trans woman?" even after they've been given a thorough explanation of my situation. It's uncomfortable for everyone involved. Imagine how it goes then if I'd just show up unannounced, and without someone to vouch for me. I just get booted on sight.

Yes, I can whine about this all day, but that is NOT my point.

My point is that I'm either directly, or implicitly, unwelcome in female only spaces, despite being biologically female, because of my transitioned appearance... despite I'm not even on testosterone anymore since 2 years ago. Sure, most gnc women (whether transitioned or not) don't seem to have turned out quite as passable as me, but clearly, it happens. So let's stop pretending that it doesn't.

So with that in mind, I don't always have access to a gender neutral space. Like for example when I travel with the ferry that goes between my island and the mainland of my country, there is only men's bathrooms and women's bathrooms. No third option. That's a 3 hour boat ride, and with my coffee drinking habit, I will need to pee at some point or another while aboard that ship, alright. And no, peeing in the ocean is not an option, as squatting over the railing would be incredibly dangerous, and most likely not even remotely allowed. Granted, I don't take the ferry often, it's just the most clear example I can think of. Because it's my only means of transportation to/from the mainland, except from flying, which is incredibly expensive, less reliable and obviously an environmental hazard. So when I do have to use that ferry, I'm kinda stuck with my choices.

So then, am I better off going with the men's or women's bathroom? I am much more likely to be left alone to do my business in the men's, so even though that is not the space I want to be in, nor do I think it's "right" for me to be there, sometimes it's even a bit scary, other times even impractical if there's only urinals and no stall, and it's absolutely not validating at all - it's the only bathroom that I can realistically use, without too much trouble. And I don't want trouble. But I also hate having to put my own safety on the backburner for the perceived safety of other women, who are not actually at any higher safety risk when left alone with me.

So, onto the more general, political aspects of this issue:

Women in male only spaces may be less of an issue in regards to safety, at least for the majority of people (men) in that space, especially if the woman in question passes as male. No one gives a fuck, generally. But problem is then that she is at far greater risk than the majority of people (women) would be with a single male, in a female only space. As I think a group of women against one male is generally less risk towards the women, when compared to a group of men against a single female, which can be extremely dangerous for her. Although I've so far never been faced with any sort of violence in a male only space, let's not pretend that my presense in a male only space is somehow LESS dangerous for me, than how dangerous the presense of ONE male in a space with a whole group of women, would be for those women. Statistically and realistically, I'm at a far greater risk than they are, and no, I do not have any more choice in the matter than they do.

Thus, this kinda skewed idea of safety and choice, becomes a question of ethics, I think.

Furthermore, I'm a person of principles, and it wouldn't sit right with me that if males should never under any circumstances be allowed in female spaces, but females could be allowed in male spaces. I refuse to be a hypocrit on purpose! No, if males should never under any circumstances be allowed in female spaces, then females should also never under any circumstances be allowed in male spaces. OR, if females CAN under some special circumstances be allowed into male spaces, then males should be allowed the same in female spaces. Both of these solutions pose serious problems, which I keep seeing being brushed under the carpet a lot, and that annoys me.

But if we go with the first idea, of barring people from using opposite sex spaces altogether, then where the fuck do I pee? Should I utilise my "right" to use female spaces, despite making everyone uncomfortable and feeling threatened by my presense, as well as risking being kicked out and forced to use the equivalent male spaces anyway, which is exactly what that idea is meant to prevent - or should I completely avoid being in places which I know does not have a gender neutral bathroom, such as the ferry? Would that not be discrimination? Which is the most reasonable option here, what is the most practical, what's wrong and what's right? Do I even have a RIGHT to use female bathrooms, and if so, how do I prove it, considering my ID still says I'm male?

Trans men aren't gonna be nearly as willing to use female only spaces, and trans women definitely not eager to use male only spaces. But aside from that validation factor, I have the exact same struggle as trans people do on this particular point. Quite often they do toss and turn at which bloody bathroom to pick, not just out of validation, but because they genuinely struggle to figure out which one is the best option for them practically. Especially if they don't quite pass as either sex, and most and foremost just wanna do their business without unneccesary drama.

Also, to clarify: barring trans people from opposite sex spaces is NOT discrimination, as they never belonged there to begin with - but leaving them with no other option than to pee themselves, is. Which means that I think it's fucked up to barr them from those spaces BEFORE having solved the problem of "if they can't go there, then where?"

Perhaps I'm the only one around here who cares about males' integrity, safety and human rights. But even if so, I should not be the only one to care about gnc females' integrity, safety and rights. Male-passing females, whether transitioned or not, whether bearded or not, are still female, and if we don't want them in female only spaces, and not in male only spaces either; why? Because they "chose" to medically transition and/or dress in men's clothing?

Yeah, well, in most cases of transitioned females, they transitioned because of dysphoria, which no one chooses to have. It's a medical condition. Barring people from spaces they'd otherwise be welcomed into, due to the visual outcome of the treatment of their medical condition... is ableism. Barring a woman from a female only space she belongs in, solely because her unusual physical appearance freaks you out... is ableism. Also, simply being gnc and being viscerally uncomfortable with presenting femininely is also not a choice. And even if it was... shouldn't it be? That's why I cannot roll with that sorta solution. I dunno if it counts as a form of discrimination by definition, but it just smells a lot like it from where I sit. That it's no more right to toss me out of, or give me trouble, in a women's bathroom, than a masculine women who also passes as male but who has not medically transitioned.

That said, however, women's safety DOES matter a lot to me. Hence my reluctance to join their spaces, despite being a woman myself. I guess, what I'd want is complete sex segregation to work in my favour, but I can't promote a rule that would discriminate against me. I'm sorry, I just can't. I desire FUNCTIONAL sex segregated spaces, but realistically they cannot function. Truth is that the only womens spaces I've been allowed into since I began passing as male, are "trans inclusionary" ones that openly allow in trans women, ironically. I care about the safety of other women, and their right to have their own spaces... but not at the expense of my own rights, as a fellow woman. To say otherwise would be a crime against myself. I really wish this could be solved in some way that would work in practice, but honestly I don't think it can anytime soon. Not without some seriously tried and proven, practical and humane methods to check what sex people entering single sex spaces actually are.

That is the reality that people have to face. And personally I'd rather focus on women's rights than trans rights, but as a woman who's medically transitioning, I'd shoot my own foot no matter which one I'd choose. That's quite a dilemma.

So where my opinion stands on this right now, is basically this: I think female only spaces should only be for biological women, but I'm reluctantly okay-ish with males who pass as female utilising female only spaces, and vice versa for females in male only spaces. However, this does not feel ideal at all. It's a compromise. Ideally, I want such spaces to be entirely sex segregated, and for even people who pass as the opposite sex (like myself) to be allowed into spaces of their biological sex. My appeal here is both realistic practicality with the reality that some people really do pass as the opposite sex, as well as the safety, rights and integrity of male-passing women.

[yikesharringrove]

Nb Steve as requested by @takemebythehand-andsetmefree

Happy Pride!

Here is a link to my post about Harringrove for BLM, and here is a link to Writers/Artists Against Police Brutality

Here’s also a link to the Masterlist of Harringrove for BLM coutesy of @harringrovetrashh

Thank you all for organizing, participating, and donating.

-

There is an instance where Steve gets misgendered, not by malicious intent, but it still happens, so take care of yourselves, don’t read if that could harm you.

-

“I think I’m a girl.”

This revelation wasn’t totally shocking to Billy.

Steve loved pretty things. Could be found more often than not jamming around in a little skirt, lots of makeup. So Billy just said

“Okay, Baby. Then I love my gorgeous girlfriend.”

And that was so sweet and all, but to Steve it still didn’t, it felt just as bad as boyfriend.

“Actually, maybe not.”

-

“I think maybe there’s something wrong with me.”

They were in Steve’s bed together, Steve laying practically on top of Billy.

“What makes you say that?”

“Parts of me feel like I’m a girl, and parts of me feel like I’m a boy. But all of me hates both of those options. I mean, I love looking like a girl, but when you, when you said girlfriend, Bill that felt just as fucking bad as boyfriend. I think I’m broken.” Billy shifted around until Steve was looking right at him.

“You are not broken. You are beautiful and amazing and confused. But you are far from broken. There’s more in the world than girl and boy. You can be anything, anyone.

“Back in California, I knew all kinds of people. I had friends all along the trans umbrella. I had a friend who was a trans guy, but preferred presenting for feminine. I had androgynous friends that presented however they pleased. I had friends who identified as no gender, or all the genders. I had a friend whose gender identity would change on any given day. Gender is fucking fake, and if you’re not comfortable with whatever you were assigned at birth, make something new for yourself.”

“I think that I’m somewhere in between. Not a woman, but not a man.” Billy grabbed the notbad next to Steve’s bad, drew a horizontal line across it.

“So basically, think of gender as a spectrum. Over here you’ve got women. This includes trans women, who are women that were assigned male at birth. One the other side you’ve got men, which includes trans men. In the middle, you’ve got nonbinay folks. Nonbinary is an umbrella term that just means these people live outside of man and woman. This includes agender people, who have no gender, and people who identify as more than one gender, like bigender or pangender. All along the scale you have people who are genderfluid and genderflux, whose definition of their own gender may slide along the scale at any given moment. You also have people that identify as demiboy, or reversely, demigirl, people that only identify partially as boy or girl, respectively. There’s also the idea of being transmasc, or transfem which are people who were assinged a gender at birth, but identitfy more with the other, without completely identify themselves as trans. So a person assigned male at birth who doesn’t consider themselves a transwoman, but more comfortably identities with feminity as a concept.”

He held out the drawing to Steve.

“There’s also different pronouns, and this isn’t even touching the intersex scale. Gender is so fucking whack, Sweet Thing.

“There’s a lot of different ways to play with it, and each person is so different. You can identify one way and present in a way that isn’t stereotypical to how you identify. And no one can tell you you’re wrong. Because you’re not.”

Steve was studying the drawing with wide eyes.

“Pronouns?”

“Like how I was assigned male at birth, and identify as male, so I use he/him pronouns. People along this scale can use whatever pronouns feel best. Some people use they and them so that they aren’t being gendered, and there are other gender neutral pronouns, like ze/zir and ve/ver.”

“But I mean, they is like, it’s plural.”

“Nah. They has always been used as a gender neutral pronoun. Plus, if it feels best, it can mean whatever the fuck you want it to.”

“So I could, I could like, be a them.”

“If that feels good.”

“Use it for me. Let me see.”

“Okay, um, I was laying in bed with my significant other, Steve and they were asking me questions about gender identity and expression. Afterwards I made them a cup of tea and cuddled them all night.” Steve’s eyes opened back up.

“Bill, that’s, fuck, that’s it.”

“They?”

“They. That felt, it felt good. I didn’t, I don’t even know.” Billy squished them tighter to himself.

“I’m glad, Baby.”

“So, does that make me nonbinary?” Billy just looked at them.

“Does it? You tell me, Sweet Thing.”

“I think so. Nonbinary. So like, maybe transfem? But I think I would be more agender”

“If that’s what’s true. You can call yourself nonbinary and leave it at that, or you can take as many labels as you feel fit. It’s your identity. Fuck with it as you see fit.”

Steve was worrying their lip.

“And you don’t mind?”

“Mind what?”

“That I’m not, not a guy.” Billy pressed a kiss to their forehead.

“‘Course I don’t min. You’re still you. You’re gender doesn’t matter to me at all. As long as you’re happy and comfortable and safe. That’s what matters to me.”

-

Steve needed to tell the party.

They spent so much time with the gaggle of kids, and kept getting fucking misgendered. Not that it was their fault, they didn’t know Steve was using different pronouns now.

“Look, I know those little Gen-Z’ers aren’t gonna care. I mean they see me in makeup and dresses and shit all the time, but this feels, big.” Billy was driving them over to the Byers’ place where all the kids were waiting. “But, but what if they take it wrong. What if they just think I’m this confused girl or something. Or they say I need to make up my mind.” Billy reached over to grab their hand.

“If they do, I’ll punch ‘em out. One by one. Fuck them kids.”

But they all took it so fucking well, it was actually anticlimactic.

“I mean, it’s pretty obvious you don’t conform to a gender binary.” Dustin hadn’t even looked up from their campaign as Steve fucking came out. “But like, thanks for telling us. And trusting us. You’re pretty brave I guess.”

Steve rolled their eyes.

“Thanks. You’re all so sweet and sensitive. I was shitting myself on the way over, and none of you are even fazed.”

“Yeah, I saw this coming.” Lucas rolled one of his dice.

“Do you want to do it again? We’ll all pretend to think you’re disgusting and call you a freak or something. Would that be better?” Mike had a challenging look on his face. Steve just slumped into the couch.

“No. Whatever. It’s fine.” They were actually pouting.

“What, you wanted like, a Lifetime movie moment? Where we all cry and say that we love you regardless and pretend we literally all didn’t see this coming?” Mike rolled his eyes.

“I mean, a little pomp and circumstance would be nice. Accepting myself and coming out to you all was a bunch of breakdowns in the making.” Dustin threw himself dramatically onto Steve’s lap.

“Oh! Oh, Steven! My sweet dear loved one! This is shocking news! But my love for you will never crumble! If anything, it is fortified!” Steve just laughed and shoved Dustin off their lap.

“Brat.”

-

“Can I just get a cheeseburger and fries?” The peppy waitress was twirling her ponytail, batting her eyes at Billy like Steve wasn’t right fucking there.

“Of course. Anything else for you?” She pat her eyes. Billy just blinked at her, completely dead-eyed. He gestured to Steve.

“Sorry, Girl. Didn’t see you!” She tried to laugh it off. Steve’s blood went cold.

“I’ll get the same please.” Her eyes widened at the sound of Steve’s voice, still deep, still masculine, despite the light blue dress, the pretty makeup.

“Oh, sorry. I’ll get that right out for you boys.” She shot away, embarrassed. Steve let their head fall onto the table.

Billy ran his fingers through their hair.

“Two for the price of one misgenderings.” They muttered into the table. Billy was gently scraping his nails into their scalp. “That was like getting kicked while down Jesus.”

“I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I’m sorry I can’t totally understand how shitty it makes you feel.” They sat in silence for a moment until Billy tugged on their hair as the waitress approached with their food. She set it down cautiously.

“Could we get some ketchup, please. And they’re gonna want mustard.” Steve smiled weakly at him, they way he overemphasized using they.

“Um, of course. Anything else?”

“Could you grab them another water?” It was just less than half-full, but Billy couldn’t be stopped.

The waitress just blushed, filling Steve’s water and placing ketchup and mustard on their table with a little enjoy.

“Bill, she didn’t mean to.”

“Yeah, but she still did. And I wanted you to stop feeling invalidated.” Billy shoved the burger in his mouth.

Steve just smiled at him, told him he ate like a pig.

[rpbetter]

Hi Vespertine. Sorry to add to the pile, I promise I will send in some writing related things to compensate later. I also misgendered that user in a comment by accident with she/her. I blocked them, but they still looked at my blog, and they made a post that said by using the wrong pronouns, which they thought was intentional and meant to hurt them, I purposefully called them a hysterical woman stereotype. Obviously that wasn't true. I was just going off a comment someone else made on my blog where they used she/her, and I thought I had to correct myself. It was a case where good intentions, even if I was not happy with the user's behavior or expected to talk to them again, I was still going to use the right pronouns, but my intentions were warped by someone with an agenda. I'm sorry to hear you're getting the same heat. I didn't use my rp blog to interact with the user or talk about them because I was sure something like this would happen, either by them or other people like that callout blog, and I think other people had the same idea. I dodged a bullet there, but I'm still paranoid. I'm paranoid I'll hear a notif and see my rp blog in a callout for this, because someone hunted it down, or a callout for trying to talk to the person who started all the drama. Nobody should be scared to talk about someone on their own blog. Nobody should be scared to talk openly, in general. Nobody should be called out for trying to talk with someone either. This culture of fear is so disturbing to me.

Hey there, Anon!

Oh, I would love that, but you totally don't have to, of course. Don't feel bad for adding on, I'm here for anything at all, and honestly, with the job I'm doing IRL right now, it's really hard for me to concentrate well enough on finishing any of the advice posts (at least, to be the quality y'all deserve). It's a hot topic, it's included so, so, terribly many people in the RPC. It's also one that's generating some great, needed conversations. So, it isn't like you're adding to anything bad, annoying or distracting me, or contributing to the inflammatory side of this.

Hell, it's got to be really nice for some of the people in messages I've received to see proof that they weren't alone in this experience. I can keep publishing the hate anons for exactly that reason, and I can promise people they aren't the only ones (in this or in any such horrible behavior), but it's different to see it coming from a third party! So, thank you for that.

Though, I am deeply sorry that you were treated to more than a ringside seat in this debacle.

It's not very encouraging to be thoughtful and respectful of other people when literally nothing you can say or do will result in anything other than more twisting of your words, and that's a big problem I have with this shit. Things like actual transphobia, intentional misgendering, actual infantalization and shit treatment of ND people, actual harassment, etc. etc. etc. matter. It's just more trivializing of real problems for the sake of blowing nonexistent bullshit up, and that is immensely disgusting to me. The fact that you damn well know someone out there has had the reaction to this behavior of, well, fuck you then, fuck trans people is really upsetting.

Like, yeah, let's be real, if you require social rewards to do the right thing, you have some problems lol but at the same time, you know who does require social rewards to develop themselves? Young people. And the RPC is largely comprised of people in their early twenties who, for a variety of possible reasons, are still at that point

Furthermore, no, it's not anyone's job to be good representation at all times, especially when that performance comes at a cost to themselves, but maybe don't go out of your way to be the person that is the necessary push in the wrong direction of someone's formative experience with people of your community. If it's costing you nothing to not clown on serious issues, but is costing the entire world another bigot for you to clown on serious issues, the choice should be a bit obvious here. Whenever you're in a safe place - physically, emotionally - and capable of that kind of logic, exercise it, damn.

It's definitely a better course of action than playing out skewed activism by vilifying innocent people, more worthy of one's effort than losing their collective shit over a very easy mistake. One that I'd say was even less avoidable in your case. AGAIN, how, exactly is anyone supposed to know this shit when they're blocked? When they aren't subverting the blocks they, themselves, put in place? I know for a fact none of them are looking at the information of the people they choose to try to drive out of the RPC, but everyone else is supposed to make zero reasonable assumptions, check and recheck blogs they have made an effort not to visit for good reason. Sounds absolutely reasonable and sane!

So, you know what? I'm going to be even more offensive here and talk for a moment about why these mistakes are reasonable.

When we see a post and reblog it, it's not unreasonable to assume that the OP had knowledge we didn't. Since we blocked the offending party, but they're discussing them. OP uses the incorrect pronouns, we end using the incorrect pronouns as well. This is not malicious intent. It isn't intentional at all, it's just having a discussion. A discussion that wouldn't have even transpired if they hadn't taken it upon themselves to (what a coincidence) take personal issue with a RPer they repeatedly took out of context and decided to shame for it, before proceeding to get an even bigger stick and pot.

When we decide to block a blog, it's our responsibility to stay off of it. Not go looking at it for any reason. That is now off-limits. When someone blocks us, it's also our responsibility to respect that decision, no matter how outrageous it was, no matter what we might need to verify. That's the issue with blocking when we don't exploit how easy it is to get around blocking on tumblr; we've cut ourselves off from any further meaningful communication, including passive communication like rules and posts. Kind of like how you cannot expect an apology to mean a damn thing when you've blocked everyone you harassed, then made that apology in a post on your blocked blog. Don't put up walls you expect people to see through, then get upset when they can't see through them.

As a community, the RPC is primarily afab. That's never a problem to bring up when someone wants to be angry about their female muse not getting equal attention and so on, but it's a problem to discuss any other time, about any other problem. Dealing with the things that we're socially raised to ascribe to as afab people is that problem. It's reflected in our behaviors, interests, and speech. We may not want to live in a gendered world, we may eschew that, but we were raised in a gendered world and it shows. One which has a lot of complications for being that, like almost everyone feeling safer around afab people by default of the All Men Are Bad, All Women Are Harmless bullshit.

We not only know that the RPC is primarily afab, we tend to assume comfort, especially in hostile situations, by assuming those pronouns in others.

And it so does not matter how much any of us like it, some people have more masculine or feminine tones. Even in text. That means neither that someone's gender identity should be disregarded nor that this text-based presentation is correct, but like every other unfair thing that exists, it's a thing. Like you, Anon, you genuinely come across in tone as primarily neutral, slight lean toward masculine. Even if I wasn't inclined to do so, not knowing you and all, I'd use they/them for you instinctively because that's what your speech is giving me. That isn't any more unreasonable than ascribing another set of pronouns based on the same information.

Oh yeah, I know, lurkers, the difference is that they/them is the appropriate choice when one does not know. I know that logically, but people aren't always operating like robots, weirdly enough. We default to a lot of instinctive behaviors, and we aren't always operating at the top rung of cognition either. Being human works like that, it's really that simple and not malicious if you're not reading that into it.

As we're all aware, it is being read into, and your experience is exactly why; you now feel worried every time you get a notif, you've been outed as a supposed transphobe, and while it is incredibly fortunate you stopped this from transpiring on your RP blog, it still transpired somewhere and has had a negative effect. If they find they correct thing or set of things, they can get so many more people to dogpile you over it. Get enough people to do that, make someone miserable enough, especially people who are already going through a hard enough time already, they'll leave.

It is a terroristic act, and it has the effect of all terroristic acts; people are afraid to exist outside of shifting bounds (that shifting is a part of the terrorism). They can't have an opinion, write any muse/topic they wish, be honest on their own blogs, support the "wrong" topics, muns, or blogs. Attacking people for a mistake, not allowing them to address it either, just furthers all of that. It's showing the community what happens when you aren't on the "right" side, even if that isn't even the case. They certainly turn on their own quickly enough.

So, of course, it's a culture of fear and it is disturbing as hell. No one has any right to make someone feel unsafe over fiction or a hobby or a difference of opinion. Everyone has the right to say whatever they want on their own blogs, to talk openly, and yes, to try to talk to others without feeling at risk.

Even if what someone says is genuinely unpleasant. This isn't the way one handles it. By all means, have a problem with something, have a problem with someone, but grow up and talk to them openly, without bringing everyone you can dredge up to join in. I have no issue with people arguing, I have an issue with bullying. If it's your whole goal to harass people without consequences to the end result of deactivation and lockstep behavior from everyone else, that's what you're doing, folks. Bullying.

If you can't win an argument, especially one your own ass began, in any other way than this, you're not engaging in an argument.

[demonsonthemoon]

The Flood and its Aftermath

Fandom: Supernatural Pairings: N/A Word Count: 1861 Summary: Sam had always thought that coming out would be the hardest thing. Note: I set out to write what was meant to NOT be a coming-out fic. Then it turned into a coming-out fic. Turns out writing what you would have wanted coming out to feel like is really therapeutic? Who would have guessed.Anyway, Sam Winchester is a non-binary lesbian in my heart.

Read it on AO3.

Sam had always thought that coming out would be the hardest thing.

The silver lining being that, with the lives they lived, there was really only one person she needed to come out to.

Dean.

Dean Winchester, the manly man who thought he was making fun of Sam by calling her a girl. The kind of guy who would refuse a good drink if it came in a pink bottle.

But Sam wasn't stupid and they knew better. Dean wasn't as much of an asshole as he made himself out to be, not really. That kind of bullshit was just the best way that Dean had found to protect himself.

Still. The hypermasculine posturing hadn't exactly been reassuring to Sam considering that he needed to tell his brother he was trans.

He'd thought that coming out would be the hardest, because it was the first step, the one that was supposed to open the floodgates.

In the end, it had been relatively easy. The anticipation had been awful, a crawling feeling under his skin where guilt and fear mingled.

People could argue all they wanted that lying by omission wasn't technically lying but it sure felt the same way to Sam. She wasn't sure what telling Dean would change, which was perhaps what made it so scary. She knew, however, that she couldn't physically keep it a secret anymore, that it was making her sick inside.

Besides, secrets had nearly ruined their relationship many times over.

She was sick of that too.

So there came a day, in the bunker, in front of a dinner Dean had lovingly prepared (because he cooked now, more than spaghetti-Os and PB&J sandwiches) where Sam told their brother that they were trans.

Dean's first reaction was confusion. His second was awkward laughter. Which was followed by more confusion. Sam let him work through it, knowing Dean needed to get past his surprise before they could really start talking.

Sure enough, Dean frowned deeply before asking : “When you say you're transgender, you mean you feel like a woman?”

“No. Well, not exactly. It's more like... Like there's a spectrum between being a man and being a woman and I'm somewhere on that spectrum. It moves around a lot. Most often these days I feel closer to womanhood, I guess, but it's never really one or the other so it's hard to tell.”

“So... what, you don't feel like a guy, but you're not a woman either?”

“Yeah. Something like that. Non-binary is the term. I guess technically I'm genderfluid, but I like non-binary.”

“How long have you...?”

Sam shrugged. “Depends on what you mean. I only put a word to it maybe... a year ago? Two years? But looking back... I think I might have felt this way for a long time. Especially in college. I was just... curious. About gender, queerness. I thought I was a straight guy, though, and it felt... I don't know. Voyeuristic? So I didn't really explore it. And there were times, then and later, when something didn't feel right, but I just blamed that on everyrhing else that was wrong with me.”

“You know that's not true, right?”

“What?”

“That there's something wrong with you. There's not.”

“Dean-”

“I mean it. This isn't wrong. And all the rest of it...” The demon blood. His psychic powers. The memories of a body without a soul and of a soul being tortured. “It's all stuff that was done to you. It's not who you are.”

Sam wasn't sure he wholly agreed with his brother. He wasn't convinced you could separate the essence of a soul from all that had shaped it throughout the years. That particular line of thinking had backfired every time he had tried it. But this wasn't the time to have that conversation.

“I know it's not wrong,” Sam said, only addressing one part of Dean's argument. “That's why I'm telling you. Being non-binary... It feels right. It feels like me.”

“Okay,” Dean replied. Then, with slightly more assurance: “Okay. So... what does it change? Do I call you like... my sister? Or... my sibling, I guess?”

Sam smiled. The apprehension they'd been feeling for almost an entire days was quickly dissolving, leaving behind relief and a fierce kind of love.

“Yeah. I'd like that. Either of them. I mean... It's fine if you don't, I get that it's-”

“Dude.” Dean winced right after interrupting them. “Not-dude. Whatever. I'm probably gonna mess up. A lot. Like I just did. But you've got to let me try. You told me this because it's important to you, right? So you need to let me know how I can make you more comfortable. Not just what's okay or what's easier but what you actually prefer. Okay?”

Sam held up her hands. “Yeah. Okay. Sorry, it's just... It's complicated. I'm not actually planning on transitioning medically. Can't really afford to, not with the risk of someone looking into one of our fake IDs. And before you suggest black market hormones – I know that look in your eyes, don't deny it – I just don't want to. This is the body I've got. It took me years to stop feeling like there was something wrong with it, but I'm finally getting there. I don't wanna change it. But that means... I'm always gonna look pretty masculine, okay? Even if that's not how I feel, I get that that's what other people see. And that's... okay. It's how it is. I don't want to come out to everyone I meet, there's no point and it's just none of their business. So sticking to masuline language is better. It's not just easier, although that's part of it. It's more comfortable than always being put on the spot.

“Okay. That... It sucks that you even have to think like that, but I get it.”

Sam shot her brother a grateful look. She doubted whether he really did get it, whether he understood how painful and frustrating it had been to come to these conclusions after finally finding ways to explore her gender identity. But all that mattered was that he was trying.

“What about when it's just us then?”

“You could... switch? Pronouns, I mean. Sometimes he, sometimes she. Singular they. Same with gendered words, when there's no neutral way to say something.

Dean stayed silent for a few seconds. He nervously ran a hand through his hair, not looking at Sam when he finally spoke. “Tell me if I say something fucked up, okay? I know I'm not always the most... sensitive, when it comes to those things.”

Sam nodded in what he hoped was a reassuring manner.

“From what you said about-” He made a vague hand gesture. “- fluid genders, I get that it makes sense to switch pronouns. But you also said you felt more feminine, right? And I... I'm so used to seeing you as my brother and as a guy, so...”

Dean paused, as if waiting for Sam to tell him off for what he'd just said. But they wouldn't do that, because they knew it was true and that Dean wasn't saying this to prove a point about who Sam really was.

“I just think that if you let me call you he, I won't actually be able to switch to thinking of you as anything else.”

A bittersweet emotion bloomed under Sam's tongue, making him choke and his eyes water. Sam had argued with himself, again and again, and he'd figured it was easier to give his brother an out. It would hurt less like this, he'd thought, less than if he'd asked for more and had had to face his brother's failures full-on.

But Dean was flat-out refusing to take the easy way out.

Sam knew his expression probably looked ridiculous, but he smiled. Wide and bright, and with his eyes still prickling.

“She and they work, then. Thank you.”

Dean looked embarrassed. “Sure.”

He wasn't looking at her, but Sam didn't mind. She was happy. She basked in the silence between them, silence that was no longer heavy with secrets.

“Hey, Sam?”

“Mmh?”

“Is it still funny if I call you Samantha?”

Sam laughed, despite themself. Dean's grin was shy in return.

“It was never funny, jerk.”

“Bitch.”

So that, it turned out, had been the easy part.

The hard stuff came after.

The hard stuff was finding a way to get Dean to stop walking on eggshells around her everytime he had to correct himself on pronouns. The hard stuff was learning to correct Dan herself, forcing herself to stop letting it slide despite every part of her that screamed it wasn't a big deal and that it was safer to say nothing. The hard stuff was learning to know herself and then have that knowledge be stripped away by the gaze of strangers every time she and Dean went out in public.

Sam had learned to love his body out of necessity. Because they knew how easy it was to lose control of it, and because most days it was the only thing they could rely on. Years of living amongst demons and angels had taught them that the physical form was only a vessel. And so it hurt when other people couldn't understand that.

There was another thing that the hunter's life had taught Sam. Pain was easier to deal with when you were used to it. But it didn't take long to lose that habit.

And so the sweetest moments, the euphoria of knowing and of feeling known, they made the other times even more difficult. They made the casual assumptions and the well-meaning but off-track comments feel like a constant weight over their shoulders.

The hardest thing, in all of this, was that Sam couldn't get angry. He couldn't fault people for not instinctively realizing what had taken them 30 years to figure out. He couldn't complain about people using the wrong pronouns, not when he used them himself. He couldn't begrudge people for not seeing him for who he was, not when he didn't know how to make that person intelligible in any sort of language.

And so Sam couldn't get angry. They got tired instead, the kind of fatigue that settled into their bones like it had in the first few months of that year when Dean had been in Purgatory and Sam had been driving because he didn't know what else they could do.

On those days, Sam kept going because she knew there was no better option. And she knew, in her heart, that this was only a matter of having lost the habit. She knew that it only hurt so bad because the ache wasn't constant anymore, because there were moments (with herself, then with Dean, then with Castiel and Jack and Jody too) where she could be herself without it being a question, where she existed not only in translation but in the glory of her own tongue, and when she didn't have to try.

The wise man asks the fool:

Why do you hurt yourself so?

Because it feels so good when the pain stops.

[dwindlingashesburnt]

This is for Nonbinary November, I'll reblog this post with a link to the person who came up with this ask game and with a link to the blog I mention in a later question

1) Which labels do you use? I use nonbinary, trans, agender. I also use aroace but that's not really relevant to this month!

2) What are your pronouns? Honestly who knows. I use they/them, I MAY be interested in xe/xem but I don't know yet because I haven't been able to convince anyone to use those pronouns for me when I'm fine with they/them - it's possible the first time I heard someone refer to me as "xe" I'd realise I hate it. Or, realise I love it. Anyway rn I use they/them

3) How old were you when you came out to yourself as nonbinary? 15 or 16? I think 16

4) What's one thing you'd like to tell your younger self? hey I know you don't think you like yourself rn but I promise that's not true, you're okay, and when you figure out the real reason you're uncomfortable everything will make so much more sense. You'll be okay, there's nothing wrong with the situation or with you

5) is there a myth about nonbinary people that annoys you the most? Okay. As an agender person I would be part of the party benefiting from this I guess, but a lot of people seem to assume that there's only three genders: male, female, and agender. And that nonbinary is just a synonym for agender. This is obviously incorrect and even though I'm kind of mildly, guiltily glad that I'm not among the nonbinary people omitted by this assumption, it still pisses me off immensely because it's so dumb and it's just further bigotry and bullshit. Luckily this is one myth that seems to be almost entirely due to lack of knowledge rather than actual malicious intent!

6) is there a nonbinary celebrity you look up to? Nope, celebrities don't exist as far as I'm concerned.

7) if you're out, how did you come out? I'm out to my friends - I came out via a rambling, thinking aloud monologue to one friend then to all of them in a more coherent but still rambling announcement during a chat. I am also out to two of my family members but I honest to goodness can't remember how I came out - I do remember one hysterical conversation with my dad in which I was irrationally convinced he wouldn't love me anymore if I changed my name; I hope to fuck that's not how I came out to my dad and brother

8) is there a gender-related pun you like? Nah. I like all the misplaced my gender and traded my gender for x jokes though

9) Do you have friends who identify as nonbinary, too? Nope! Most of my friends are cis, a minority are binary trans people. I wish I had fellow enby friends

10) Do you have a favourite lgbt+ character? Are we talking canon or fanon? I love Crowley and Aziraphale because we can dump a whole lot of lgbt+ stuff on them: aro and or ace, gay, bi/pan, male, trans, nonbinary/genderweird....I also like some takes on nonbinary Beezlebub, but only some. Specifically the ones where they're not particularly evil/malicious but are most definitely a dick, because that feels very humanizing somehow which is nice.

11) Lgbt, lgbt+, lgbtqa+...which one do you tend to use? The last one, though if I'm tired and I've already used that once in convo I'll use lgbt after because it's less effort to say/type and they know what I mean

12) how do you explain the term "nonbinary" to people who have no idea what it means? Badly! With a lot of "um" and "uh" and eventually saying "well it's when you're not 100% male OR 100% female only"

13) Tell us a fun fact about yourself! (Gender-related or random) I used to be able to understand French and German pretty well but lost this a few years after leaving primary school

14) How did you find your name? I found my name several years before I even realised I was nonbinary. I was using a baby names website to look at potential names for a story I wanted to write, and was looking at unisex names "because it's more convenient cos then I don't need to change it if the character's a girl or a boy". Sure mate, sure, whatever you need to tell yourself

15) If you're in a relationship...? N/A

16) Do you prefer partner, datemate, significant other, something else? I like all of those? SO is a bit long to say though and datemate feels very playful, I think I'd say that to tease my partner if I had one but not seriously. So. Partner

17) A piece of advice for questioning kids? If you're really stuck, start in very broad categories and look at what you're NOT, then gradually close in on what you are. Like, do you identify as male? Do you identify as female? Work from there in more detail eg if your answer to female is "no" and male is "wobbly hand gesture" then you can either say hey, good enough, or start looking at smaller labels and stuff

18) Which flag(s) do you use? To be honest I mostly just use the aro flag, on the basis that being ace doesn't feel that big a part of my identity, being agender feels like too much of a given to celebrate/take pride in, but the aromantic flag is very pretty

19) Any tips for bad days? Take care of yourself, fall back on your support network, see if there's any small thing you can do that will help boost your confidence

20) Do you have a favorite nonbinary blog on tumblr? Not sure if it counts but I love the corvidwritingprompts blog because the prompts are inspiring and hilarious, and I love the normalisation of neopronouns and nonbinary people

21) Feminine, masculine, androgynous...or none of those things? I'm comfortable with long-ish hair but tend to aim at more masculine-androgynous clothing to try and balance out any chance of people happily assuming I'm a woman. I love button-ups

22) What are your three favourite things about yourself? I have very nice, straight shoulder length hair which I love because it's pretty, I personally think it's pretty androgynous, and I don't really have to do anything to make it look good. I like that I'm a person who likes making things and doing things to show people I like them. I like that I'm a pretty fucking average height, it's much nicer than when I was tallest in my year, and I am also generally happy with my height it's good

[ceres20]

Since JK has been getting a lot of hate lately, I wanted to voice my own opinion on the same. A lot of actors and celebrities and "important people" have come out and criticized her. She's been called a TERF, Bigoted and a lot of other things, that I do not have the mental space to get into at the moment. But here's what I have understood: 

 1. The trans debate is a relatively new one. Believe it or not, there is not much information about the long term consequences of hormone therapy. Even less on Hormone therapy on children. This means that all your current research is short and medium term, and there are no set rules regarding who is a prime candidate for therapy. In fact, there is already speculation that people who have other mental health concerns or those who are on the autism spectrum have a higher chance of also being diagnosed (or misdiagnosed) with Gender Dysphoria. Worst is self diagnosis. So many people (more than 40% of those who identify as trans) are taking hormones without prescription and without full information about the consequences, which remain unknown. I must remind all of you, that absence of evidence does not amount to evidence of its absence.

 2. There is no evidence based debate on transitioning children especially since it has irreversible consequences on their mental, physical and economic situation. Moreover, there are articles every day about over enthusiastic docs who want to diagnose children based on which toys they play with and what clothing they wear. What happened to telling our boys it's ok to play with Barbies and girls that it's ok to play with trucks and dirt? There is a reason for this lack of research. Gender Dysphoria has become a quick way for the medical industry to earn easy money. They thrive on medicating a population that may as well not need it. There is lack of initiative by the health care providers to commission studies that look into long term impact or even study current "conflicting" but negative evidence of of Gender Affirming medical interventions. What's shocking is that female to male transitioners who undergo phalloplasty face painful and lifelong urological consequences (over 80 percent of the cases), and yet many transitioners are lured by positively written papers that only consider short term effects of the same, with fleeting caveats about lack of longer term studies. 

 3. Sex is real. It has real consequences. Even the most universally celebrated feminist thinkers such as Simone de Beauvoir, acknowledge first, that there is a biological difference between the two sexes (There are only two sexes- intersex conditions occur in 2 out of 10,000 cases, and most of those who possess intersex conditions are outside the “norm”. Sexual Reproduction is necessarily Binary in nature, since there are only two types of gametes sperm and ova). However, Gender is a collective social imagination. There is no male brain and no female brain- just as there is no male kidney or female liver. The only organs that are different are the sex organs. So what does it mean when a girl child says they don't identify with the other girls? Does that mean she herself is not a girl? That she's a boy all along? No! None of the other girls who are "girly" know what they're doing either. They're simply conforming to society's ideas of how they should or must behave in order to fit in. It's the same for the boys. There is no definition of Feminine or Masculine because these concepts are unreal, figments of imagination and social impositions that dictate order in society. Whether you're female with chest hair or a beard (hirsutism) or a male with a "feminine" voice or gait- don't let anyone tell you who you are or who you should be. For too long have males looked down upon the female sex- considered to be imperfections or weak. They're defined as being "non-men" or those who simply lack a penis- the symbol of male virility and power. We need to take back the narrative on what it means to be female. We need to ensure that our biology doesn't become the cause of our social and economic slavery. As we finally step into the public sphere and reclaim the space that's rightfully ours- we need to demand sex based rights which include child care leaves, menstrual leave, etc to truly allow the women to participate to the fullest of our capabilities. 

4. What is REAL is our biology. The physical difference between men and women that makes every woman cautious in a strange man's presence. If there was no difference, male on female violence would not be so rampant. Females do not WANT to get raped, but the other choices include fight and lose or fight and die. On an average, the female is shorter than the man, has less muscles, lower lung capacity and strength. The difference between them is most stark in competitive sports. Usain Bolt's record in 100m dash is 9.58 seconds. The women's record is 10.49 seconds. Yes, in comparison to men's this is worse than average. A record broken easily by high school boys. But does this mean women shouldn't compete? No! They should compete among themselves! A *very* recent paper by Swedish Scientists (W. Anna, 2019) shows how cross hormone therapy doesn't get rid of muscle advantage of transwomen over biological women. An average female athlete has testosterone in the range of 0-2.4 nmol/L which is WAY below what an average transwoman athlete posseses. Olympic games have revised the testosterone limits to 5 nmol/L to allow transgenders to be included in women's sports. But anyone with any understanding of biology can understand how stark and unfair the difference is. By allowing them to compete on the same footing as females in sports, we're allowing a figment of imagination to override biological realities.

5. There are real consequences of biology. We need to be truly inclusive of all people, irrespective of how they look or behave. We don't need make up, or dresses or high pitched voices to be considered female.We don't need to be giving birth, bleeding or taking hormones to be females or males. We are who we are without having to declare ourselves to be Men or Women. Without the social baggage imposed on either of those roles. Unfortunately we know that as long as there is a power imbalance, there is exploitation. This is true for groups as well as sexes. If one half of the sex is physically stronger, then the other half needs safeguards to ensure this power difference doesn't translate into violence or oppression.  This means females need safe spaces from males. Period. 6. Let's have debate on gender and sex, it's consequences and effects. Let's truly help the communities who require our help- those with dysphoria and intersex conditions. Let's not impose sex normalisation on intersex children. Let's love them and their bodies, let's promote their interests and well being. Let's not normalize gender stereotypes by believing in fiction over fact. Let's embrace people for who they are! Let's get rid of sex based oppressions including genital mutilation (practised widely in certain African communities), female foeticide (practiced widely in South asia, where it's estimated that more than 45 million women are missing as a result), untouchability during menstruation etc. These are real SEX-BASED oppressions. Still, in many nations Females are terminated at birth or before for simply not possessing a penis. Male Privilege exists even before Gender takes its course. To fix these, we need sex based rights! 7. Let's not shut down, or brand people for that would mean giving into the age of post truth. Let's debate, discuss and spread awareness. Let's not be ready to berate but lend a sympathetic ear. Shutting down Gender critical feminists, blocking them so that they can't air their lived grievances, verbally or physically assaulting them- seems to be the chosen preference of many extreme trans activists (note: not trans people). Let's condemn any kind of abuse.

[marnanel]

a doctor discovers a queer nightclub in 1894

CW for historical ableism, homophobia, etc

I thought I'd add some more from the 1908 book about "sexual pathology", which involves a doctor being very confused about the existence of gay, bi, lesbian, and trans people.

This bit is about visiting a queer nightclub. When he says "misogynist", he means "gay" (because he assumes gay men dislike women).

The book is "The sexual question" by Auguste Forel; this is from chapter 8.

— Transcript —

Sexual inversion is so widespread that in certain countries, for instance Brazil, and even in some European towns, there are brothels with men instead of women.

I will mention here a very curious case of purely psychical but complete inversion of the sexual personality, combined with complete sexual anaesthesia:

A man, aged 22, the son of an inebriate, with one imbecile sister. Of delicate constitution, but very intelligent, he was possessed since infancy with the idea that he was a girl, although his genital organs were properly formed and were normally developed at puberty. He had a horror of the society of boys, and of all masculine work, while he was quite happy in performing all the household duties of a woman. An irresistible obsession urged him to dress himself as a woman, and neither contempt, ridicule, nor punishment could cure him of it. Attempts to give him employment as a boy in a small town failed completely. His girlish manners made him suspected by the police, who took him for a girl dressed in boy’s clothes, and threatened to arrest him. When he was compelled to put on male attire he consoled himself with wearing a woman’s chemise and corset underneath.

~ I carefully examined this individual and found him affected with complete sexual anesthesia. He had a horror of everything connected with the sexual appetite, but the idea of sexual intercourse with men was still more repugnant than that of normal coitus with women. Although the testicles and penis appeared absolutely normal, he never had erections. His voice was high pitched and his whole manner suggested that of a eunuch.

This case is very instructive, for it clearly shows how the psycho-sexual personality may be predetermined by heredity in the brain alone, independently of the sexual organs, and even act without a trace of sexual sensation or appetite. This was undoubtedly a case of alcoholic blastophthoria and not ordinary heredity.

Krafft-Ebing describes the following scene, taken from a Berlin journal, dated February, 1894, which gives a good idea of the manners and customs of the homosexual fraternity:

“The misogynist’s ball. Almost all the social elements of Berlin have their club or meeting place—the fat, the bald, the bachelors, the widowers—why not the misogynists? This variety of the human species, whose society is hardly edifying, but whose psychology is peculiar, held a fancy dress ball a few days ago. The sale, or rather the distribution of tickets was kept very private. Their meeting place is a well-known dancing hall. We enter the hall about midnight. Dancing is going on to the music of a good orchestra. A thick cloud of smoke obscures the lamps and prevents us at first from distinguishing the details of the scene. It is only during an interval that we can make a closer examination. Most of the people are masked, dress coats and ball dresses are exceptional.

“But what do I see? This lady in rose tarlatan, who has just pirouetted before us has a cigar in her mouth and smokes like a trooper. She has also a small beard, half hidden by paint. And she is now talking to an “angel” in tights, very décolleté, with bare arms crossed behind her, also smoking. They have men’s voices and the conversation is also masculine, for it turns on ‘this cursed tobacco will not draw.’ Two men dressed as women!

“‘A clown in conventional costume leaning against a pillar is speaking tender words to a ballet dancer, with his arm round her waist. She has a Titian head, a fine profile and good figure. Her brilliant earrings, her necklace, her shapely shoulders and arms seem to proclaim her sex, when suddenly disengaging herself from the embracing arm she turns away with a yawn, saying in a bass voice, ‘Emile, why are you so tiresome to-day?’ The novice hardly believes his eyes: the ballet dancer is also a man. :

“Becoming suspicious, we continue our investigations, beginning to think that the world is here upside down. Here is a man who comes tripping along; but no, it cannot be a man, in spite of the small and carefully curled mustache. The dressing of the hair, the powder and paint on the face, the blackened eyebrows, the gold earrings, the bouquet of flowers on the breast and shoulder, the elegant black gown, the gold bracelets, the fan held in a white-gloved hand—none of these things suggest a man. And with what coquetry he fans himself; how he dances and skips about! Nevertheless, Nature has created this doll in the form of a man. He is a salesman in one of the large sweet shops, and the ballet dancer is his colleague!

“At the table in the corner there is a convivial meeting; several elderly gentlemen are gathered round a group of very décolleté ‘ladies’ sitting over a glass of wine and cracking jokes which are anything but delicate. ‘Who are these three ladies?’ ‘Ladies! laughs my better-informed companion; well, the one on the right with the brown hair and short fancy dress is a hairdresser; the second, the blonde with the pearl necklace is known here by the name of Miss Ella, and he is a ladies’ tailor; the third is the celebrated Lottie.’

“But this cannot be a man? The waist, the bust, the delicate arms, the whole appearance is feminine! I am told that Lottie was formerly an accountant. To-day she, or rather he, is simply ‘Lottie,’ and takes pleasure in deceiving men as to his sex as long as possible. At this moment Lottic is singing a song in a contralto voice acquired by prolonged practice, which a female singer might envy. Lottie has also taken female parts on the stage. Nowadays the former accountant is so imbued with his female role that he seldom appears in the street except in woman’s attire, and even wears an embroidered nightdress.

“On closer examination of the persons present, I discovered to my astonishment several acquaintances. My bootmaker, whom I should never have taken for a misogynist, appears to-night as a troubador with sword and plumed cap; and his ‘Leonora,’ in the costume of a bride, generally serves me with Havanas in a cigar store. When Leonora removed her gloves I recognized her at once by her large chilblained hands. Here is my haberdasher promenading in an indelicate costume as Bacchus; also a Diana, dressed up atrociously, who is really a waiter at a café.

“It is impossible to describe the real ‘ladies’ who are at this ball. They only associate with each other and avoid the women-hating men; while the latter also keep to themselves and absolutely ignore the fair sex.’”

B. Feminine Sexual Inversion and Homosexual Love.— Sexual inversion is not rare in women, but manifests itself less publicly than the corresponding masculine inversion. It is called Lesbian love or sapphism; and the women inverts are known as tribades. They are described in history, but may also be ob-served in modern towns. They satisfy their pathological appetite by mutual masturbation, especially by mutual licking of the clitoris (cunnilingus). The feminine invert likes to dress as a man and feels like a man toward other women. She goes in for manly games, wears her hair short, and takes to men’s occupations in general. Her sexual appetite is often much exalted and then she becomes a veritable feminine Don Juan. I have known several women of this kind, who held veritable orgies and induced a whole series of young girls to become their lovers, in the way we have just indicated.

Here again, as in masculine inversion, there is a true irradiated love. Inverts want to marry and swear eternal fidelity; they celebrate their betrothals, even openly, the invert in male attire representing the bridegroom; or sometimes they have secret symbols, such as exchanging rings, etc. These sexual orgies are often seasoned with alcohol.

The excesses of female inverts exceed those of the male. One orgasm succeeds another, night and day, almost without interruption. Jealousy is also as strong as among male inverts. However, these nymphomaniac inverts are not very common.

A characteristic peculiarity of feminine inversion depends on the irradiation of the sexual appetite in woman (vide Chapters IV and V). We have seen that there is much less distinction in woman between love and local sensations of pleasure, and between friendship and love, than in man. When a woman invert wishes to seduce a normal girl, it is easy for her to do so. She first wins her affection by the aid of the caresses of an exalted platonic love, which is not uncommon among women; kisses, embraces, and sleeping in the same bed are much more common among girls than boys, and little by little the invert succeeds in causing voluptuous sensations in her victim. Very often the object of these caresses does not recognize that there is anything abnormal in all this, or gives way to her sensations without reflection, and then becomes amorous in her turn. I will give an example:

A female invert, dressed as a young man, succeeded in winning the love of a normal girl, and was formally betrothed to her. Soon afterwards the woman was unmasked, arrested and sent to an asylum, where she was made to put on woman’s clothes. But the young girl who had been deceived continued to be amorous and visited her “lover,” who embraced her before every one, in a state of voluptuous ecstasy, which I witnessed myself. When this scene was over, I took the young girl aside and expressed my astonishment at seeing her continue to have any regard for the sham “young man” who had deceived her. Her reply was characteristic of a woman: “ Ah! you see, doctor, I love him, and I cannot help it!”

What can one reply to such logic? A psychic love of this kind is hardly possible in man; but if we go to the bottom of the matter and study the nature of woman, we can understand how certain feminine exaltations may be unconsciously trans- formed into love, platonic at first, afterwards sexual. At first, “they understand each other so well,” and have so much mutual sympathy; they give each other pet names, they kiss and embrace, and perform all kinds of tender actions. Finally, a graduated scale of caresses leads almost unconsciously to sexual excitation.

This is how it happens that a normal woman, systematically seduced by an invert, may become madly in love with her and commit sexual excesses with her for years, without being her- self essentially pathological. The case only becomes really pathological when it is definitely fixed by long habit; a thing which easily occurs in woman, owing to the constant and monogamous nature of her love.