#not /specifically/ for me cause I sorta do whatever

[borderline-sanity]

GRWM as I ✨Wake Up with a Panic Attack✨

** None of this is medical advice, and is just a system I’ve worked on for myself. Everybody is different, everyone is in different circumstances.**

When it comes to the fight or flight instinct during panic attacks, I’m 100% a flight person.

I’ve dealt with panic attacks since high school and have been diagnosed with panic disorder. In high school I lived in constant fear of having an attack, which caused the attacks. It was all very cyclical. I have them less often now, but they still happen from time to time.

My go to method is to mix comforting and uncomfortable sensations and to overstimulate myself. I’ve tried deep breathing and relaxing music and the things that should logically help. But they always made me feel worse because I’m acknowledging the panic in such a head on fashion. I try to ground and overstimulate as many senses as I can, so I don’t have the energy or space to feel the panic anymore.

The initial terror, it’s going to happen. How fast you can pivot depends on the severity of the panic.

I tell myself I’m an expert in panic attack management. I have over 12 years of experience in the field and have worked tirelessly to perfect my methods. I have to convince myself I’m a pro at this, and have a 100% success rate of not imploding from anxiety. I narrate what I’m going to do and why it helps me specifically, basically what I’m doing here.

—-

My first stop is consistently my bathroom. I go through my bin of old lotions and pick a scent I have specially set aside for panic attacks. I use something that’s way too overpowering, but having something that smells bad to you is also an option. Sometimes I’ll use two different smells. The goal is to have a scent to ground you.

When I have a panic attack, my body fails at temperature regulation. Typically my feet are cold and clammy. So, I like to run some hot water in the tub and just stand in it for awhile. As I’m standing there, I apply whatever lotion or perfume I grabbed. Once my feet are warmed up, I get out of the tub and only sorta dry my feet. Then I put socks on my damp feet. Why? Because I hate the way it feels. And that harmless discomfort is going to distract me as I make my way to the next room.

I pick up a hoodie from the closet. Since I don’t know which way my temperature is going to flux, it’s nice to have on hand. I also have a big comfy shawl I use only during panic attacks.

I have to go down stairs to get to my kitchen. I take them really slow, especially with the damp sock situation. If I’m feeling too weak, I’ll just sit down and scoot down them. My instinct is flight, so staying in one room too long is no good. I usually feel safer being on the ground floor.

—-

Things might get messy in the kitchen, but that’s for future you to deal with. I used to keep a fresh lemon in the house at all times, but have moved away from that, opting for lemon juice. You can either bite into a lemon, or swish some lemon juice in your mouth and spit it out. A benefit of a fresh lemon is that it’s more messy. You’ll have lemon juice on your face and hands and that stickiness, at least for me, is an awful sensation.

You’re going to chase the lemon down with something else. I like to grab sour candy, like Warheads. But something like Pop Rocks also works. Picking an opposite flavor, like pudding or beef jerky is an option. You’re just trying to overload your tastebuds by making another harmless, but powerful distraction.

Alternatively, this step can be done when you’re in the bathroom. Swishing mouth wash and following it up with something sour is miserable. The face I make in the mirror is ridiculous and sometimes that’s enough to help soothe me.

—-

Like I said, I’m a flight person. So the next steps I either do pacing the house or on a treadmill. It just depends how steady my legs are feeling.

I grab my headphones, connected to my phone, and my tablet. I put the headphones on one ear and play music. The music is going to change every time. Sometimes you want something soothing, sometimes you want something loud. Sometimes you want music you love, sometimes you want music you hate. Having different playlists prepped helps you figure out what you’re in the mood for. I think one hit wonders are also a great option. There’s a familiarity and nostalgia that just hits the spot sometimes.

There are a few options for the tablet. You can put on a movie or tv show, and listen with your un-headphoned ear. I also like doing crossword puzzles or logic puzzles. It usually goes poorly, but I get so wrapped up in it. I’ve also found ‘Simon Says’ videos and follow those. Anything challenging and low stakes works here.

And this is where things usually begin to ease up. If my legs are too wobbly, I’ll just lie on the floor. Sometimes I go back to the lemon juice / sour candy. But eventually, my body is just exhausted and overstimulated. And there’s no more room for panic.

Once I feel myself winding down, I’ll get an electrolyte heavy drink. My go to is Pedialyte Zero Sugar packets but it doesn’t really matter what you use. I’ll have something light to eat if I feel up to it, usually just crackers.

When the panic has finally eases up and I feel safe again, I’m usually left exhausted. I fall asleep wherever I land, usually on the floor because it just feels nice and sturdy. When I wake up, I take care of any messes I left behind. And I drink more water.

—-

Important Notes and Additional Tactics:

Drink lots of water. Just have water dead drops everywhere.

Make it a point to keep yourself stocked up on supplies. Future you needs to restock supplies and put things back for next time.

Fidget toys are great and should also be in every room if possible. I like to use different ones depending on which room I’m in, just to keep up variety.

Ice cubes under the armpits or on the back of the neck are great. I guess anywhere works, I just find the cold distracting. As they melt, I’m left with water on my clothes. Similar to the damp socks, I hate this feeling.

My plant misting bottle stays in the kitchen and I’ll use it to spray my face or arms. Having glasses makes this more annoying, which is the goal.

I personally like to turn on as many lights as I can, but I understand this isn’t always possible.

Stepping outside can be helpful, just be mindful about it.

Reach out to people if that’s an option and you’re comfortable with it.

Walk through your routine when you aren’t in the middle of a panic attack. Developing this type of muscle memory helps you to be familiar and prepared. Remember, you’re the expert in panic attacks.

Take time to reflect on things. The day after a panic attack, I find a quiet place. I think back to everything I was feeling and who I was during the panic attack. And I talk to that past version of me and comfort her. Sometimes I find it easier to write it all out.

—-

I typed this while experiencing a panic attack. Usually I just narrate these things to myself. Recently, my older brother has started having attacks similar to mine. My hope is that sharing what I do to get myself through a panic attack will help at least one person. It is truly one of the most defeating and vulnerable experiences. I feel like I’ve lost so much time to my anxiety, I’d like to think I can help someone avoid the same struggles my younger self dealt with.

**None of this is medical advice, and is just a system I’ve worked on for myself. Everybody is different, everyone is in different circumstances.

[noemilivv]

hiiii!! i was wondering if perchance i could request head canons or a one shot (whichever you see more fit) of how [character] is on their first date with [reader]

the characters im rlly invested in are alastor, vox, velvette, angel & husk 💗

𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐯𝐨𝐱, 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 𝐝𝐮𝐬𝐭, 𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞, 𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐤, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

a/n: i’m so sorry requests have been so slow, my show is almost done (closing night is today) so i’ll be able to get to requests after that!! and i tried to make this a bit longer than my normal pieces so i hope i did okay? we’re almost at 700 btw so tysm for that <3

warnings: profanity, mentions of sex in vox’s part (no smut), mentions of valentino, implied!masc reader in angel’s section — the rest are gn

proofread: no 😔

tags: x reader, alastor, husk hazbin hotel, angel dust, headcanons, the vees

𝐯𝐨𝐱

vox would probably enjoy a night in the most, honestly, fans can irk him a fair bit, and he wants tonight to be about you and him alone

he’d probably get some of his more decent employees to be like waiters, and let’s be real, even if you were only in vox’s quarters, you both would still be dolled up

seeing as this is only the first date, vox’s “show host” persona is still very present, he’s not ready to let his walls down quite yet, he’ll sit there and boast about how fucking amazing he is for most of the date

but you’d be surprised, when you speak, vox won’t shut down anything you’d say, he’s an extremely good listener — it mainly comes from how he has to listen to boring meetings, even when he doesn’t want to, but as much as he won’t admit it, he could listen to you talk anyday

when the end of the date comes, you’re either gonna end up spending the night at his, whether it ends in sex with him or falling asleep on the couch together in the middle of a movie is a bit of a 50/50

OR he’s gonna end up driving you home, mainly because he doesn’t enjoy just walking about the streets of hell, because so many people come up to him, and also cause he doesn’t want to risk putting you in harms way, but also because he wants to flex his fancy ass car…

𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 𝐝𝐮𝐬𝐭

like vox, he’d also probably enjoy a date in a more private settings — due to the type of fans he has, the contract he’s under, along with many other things

but angel has a preference for more relaxed dates, he’d bring you into his room the hotel and end up having a massive sleepover — movies, skincare, gossip seshs, etc. whatever you ask for, he’ll give ya!!

after valentino, i can see angel only really taking interest in people who he’s known for a long time/has a strong bond with — so considering the fact that he’s most likely known you for a long time, this is probably when he’s gonna be more affectionate — possible cuddles, kisses, etc

but even with that, angel really considers first dates as a ‘get to know you’ sorta thing, so he wants to hear all about you, and share stories with you about him as well! you two will probably play games like 21 questions or truth or dare but with mostly truths 😭🙏

honestly, angel will probably spend more time telling you about molly (his sister) then himself, he misses her a lot, and she was one of the biggest parts of him and he loves telling you stories about them together in their lifetime

𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞

in contrast to vox, she would love to go out somewhere for a first date, more specifically, the mall! she may end up treating the first date as more a girls trip, but trust me, it isn’t her way of friend zoning you in the slightest!!

the stores in the mall that she’d most likely wanna hit up are the clothing stores and makeup stores (duh)

she’d try on a bunch of fits for you in a ‘fashion run-way’ kind-of manner and force outfits into your arms and rush you to do the same

and in makeup stores, she’d grab a bunch of lip-oil testers and swatch them on your arm and see which ones she thinks look the best — and she’d also try to find your foundation shade match or something like that

then you goes would probably stop at a food court and she would sit there and just yap, i can see velvette as a big rambler, she can be very expressive with her words, especially when it comes to her passion topics, so she really grows to appreciate you if you decide to hear her out

and side note; if you guys run into one of her fans, she’ll make sure you see it, she needs you to know how fucking hot and famous she is

the both of you will probably stay until the mall is about to close, and then you’ll walk her home, but don’t worry, she’ll give you a small kiss for being so good ~

𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐤

honestly, husk would kinda be at loss a for what to do for a ‘date’ — it’s been a long damn time since he’s been romantically interested in someone, so he’s not too sure where to start

he’ll end up going to charlie for help, or angel, and he ends up deciding to take you out to a small diner that’s just a stroll away from the hotel

it’s not great there by any means, but it’s not bad, but more importantly, it’s safe, and that’s all he really wants for you

you two will spend most of the time conversing in conversation, nothing too crazy or life changing, but simple ice breakers here and there, husker is more awkward than you may think

despite the fact that he thinks it’s so fucking stupid, he takes charlie’s idea to share a smoothie with you, which ends up back-firing as he takes a sip and it goes through and up your straw and splatters onto your face

and you can’t help but blush as he gets a little too close to you as he wipes the smoothie off of your face with a few napkins…

𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫

alastor is a gentlemen, who aims to please, so he has a number of activities for you that are bound to blow you out of the water, even if the idea is simple on paper

first, he starts off by taking you out to dinner, the fanciest restaurant he could find, you both are dressed up to a tee

he makes sure to feed you every last bite of your food, treating you like a pet, its so sickeningly sweet you didn’t whether to be slightly offended or swoon right then and there

then he takes you out to a nice park, even if it’s already dark out, and he’ll have you on his arm and take a simple stroll with you, the attention is fully on you and he won’t shy away from giving you all the praise possible

shortly after, alastor will get his staff and play some gentle jazz music as you both sway under the hellish stars on what seems to be such a blissful night ~

i do not permit for my work to be reposted, translated, or stolen. all rights go to signedmio. characters are not mine, unless stated, and belong to their rightful creators.

[queers-gambit]

I saw your post about taking Felix requests so I had to send one and trust me the choke hold this man now has on me is so strong too! 

I see Felix as the kinda guy who is laid back but with his girl at Saltburn because she’s shy he’d be the one who would pick out her dresses for dinner, put his hand on her throat or up her skirt whenever he wants and even just to get her attention, always pulling her on his lap even if there is an open seat next to him, and maybe he’d make her call him daddy. Do with that info what you will if you like it 🤭

oh, baby, you're onto something real. like really real.

mhm, mhm, love me a popular boy and shy girly. he dazzles and she lets him; she holds the light for him, type shit! love it. got me salivating a little - or is that foam at my mouth? hm - for Felix, it's probably both.

you've got my motor running, there's a LOT of thoughts being thunk! so let's get into it!

kinda-sorta Felix Catton headcanons:

okay, first, him picking out her outfits? FUCKING ADORABLE!

he starts out by taking her shopping, it's just them and a store attendant; he's sitting in one of those little chairs, facing the dressing room, waiting for her to show him each option. she's a shy baby, so she's quiet when showing him, but Felix is boisterous and supportive, so he gets all up-in-arms for each dress, each pantsuit, each flowing skirt and tight top. you know, asks her to do 180's, to dance around (to make sure it all fits right), and he'll even get up and twirl her once or twice when he particularly likes an outfit. he has LOTS of opinions, so the attendant brings over whatever he points at since his girly often sticks to "safe" choices and he likes seeing her branch out. the attendant thinks they're just too cute, so the attendant is happy to do whatever Felix asks; happy to help zip her up or tie her into whatever dress he picks. it's a bonding experience each time, and because he's a rich pretty boy, he buys everything. is that a kink? it should be a kink. even that dress she's not convinced looks flattering - he's borderline drooling and slapping cash onto the counter, begging her to put it on the moment they get "home". naturally he carries all the bags.

when at Saltburn, he's the one picking their dinner fits 'cause he gets off by matching together - 'cause he's a soft angel baby, too. she does his hair for him and he'll wear a button up thats the same color as her dress; and boy, oh boy, does he lay the compliments on THICK. like - any opportunity, he's showering her, gushing over her, just RAVING. she's shy and a little quiet, but when Felix fucking Catton is genuinely complimenting her as if he can't help himself, it really helps boost her confidence and settles her nerves. Felix likes to push envelopes, so naturally, he pushes them with his pretty lady, too, and it might make her unsure, but again, the confidence boost calms her and she's really excited to see what the next fit is.

Felix doesn't have a specific love language because they're ALL his love languages. so, yes, that includes physical touch. he adores his shy little lady, and again, likes pushing envelopes - so, even in public, he's laying his hand on her throat. not in a grip, but in a soft gesture to keep her close to him; as if feeling her pulse reassures him. he's possessive as fuck, but in a soft way; so the Catton's aren't phased by his actions, despite the way it makes his little lady a little insecure. she's just not HUGE on PDA, but Felix is, and he doesn't do it if she's adamant - but seeing her a little nervous (eyes darting around to make sure nobody's watching) really gets him going. and no matter where they are, if she's in a dress or skirt, you better believe his hand is on her thigh! you better believe he's pushing her buttons by trying to reach higher! you better believe it makes her all flustered but wildly turned on - and Felix revels in her reactions. her little squeaks of surprise, the way she might choke on her wine when he squeezes unsuspectingly, the way her hand slaps down over his (her skirt's material between their hands) when he gets a little too handsy. he's a menace, but his shy little love adores it.

he makes her braver. he makes her want to try new things. he makes her excited and as if her energy's renewed.

Felix recharges her, burns her out, replenishes her, exhausts her. he does it all - being a Jack of All Trades. and she keeps him humble, in-line, on his toes, and feeling like everyday's an adventure.

matter of fact, they make each other feel as if they're on a new adventure each day. awh, i love them.

moving along!

still on the PDA train, you're totally right, dear sweet Nonnie, and Felix loves her on his lap. he just loves having her close; it makes him feel all the more confident and yet, grounded and down-to-Earth. she toys with his hair at the nape of his neck, his arm's usually always tight around her waist; and because he's gangly, his arm wraps around to rest on her thigh. and guess what? it's up her skirt. they like cuddling, but Felix is way more open about it; he doesn't care what audience they have, he's just touching her. he likes whispering in her ear when she's on his lap, it makes her giggle and whisper back. there's constant compliments, discussions about what mischief to get into that evening, little jokes - mostly about Farleigh, knowing those two adorable fucks.

absolute cuties.

after dinners, when the family's socializing, he's tugging her to his lap despite the space on the couch being open. he won't do it at dinner, though, that's far too formal and his little love is dreadfully against it; but other meals? casual meals? yeah, the cheeky fuck's setting her to his lap - only releasing her when she gives him a kiss. however, some breakfasts spent on the terrace or patio, she's still a little sleepy and won't fight him too hard; resting back into his chest, letting him feed her a few cubes of fruit - much much much to Elspeth's delight.

Mama Catton's the biggest supporter of Felix and his little love. it's freaking adorable. Venetia's supporter #2 'cause she loves her brother being in-love, but Elspeth's just - over the freaking moon.

now, the daddy kink? i can see it. 1000%. he's not super in his lady's face about it, but when they're gettin' frisky, oh YEAH - baby boy's way into it. demanding she call him Daddy when he's balls deep already, he wants it panting from her lips. he wants to hear her call him Daddy like it's a dying prayer. this super extends into a breeding kink - but that's another story. dude just loves the power he feels when his shy little love begs Daddy to fuck her harder. to get rougher. to please her the way only Daddy can. and it's not that he "makes" her call him that, she's very very very much into it, too. look, IYKYK - daddy kinks aren't for everyone but FUCK, is it fun.

this also directly relates to pet names, which Felix is a BIG fan of. he's the type that only calls his shy little love by her name when he's being serious. and maaaan, for the first few weeks of their relationship, she was just too nervous to call him any pet name but when she starts small, you know, the simple "baby", or "love", or my personal favorite, "sweet boy", she sees the way he LIGHTS up and starts using pet names regularly. she'll only call him "Felix" when she's being serious, which is actually super helpful in their relationship because he's so playful, she's so shy, he doesn't always know when he's crossed a line. but the moment she's calling him "Felix" instead of "Fi" or anything else, he's shaping up. it's a subtle way he knows she's uncomfortable and he NEEDS to get serious - else risk upsetting her. which he NEVER wants to do. she's too pretty, too sweet, too soft spoken to be upset. calling him "Felix" is a telltale sign that things aren't okay, and it's just a way for him to know what's going on without actually asking, "what's wrong?" 'cause he's pretty in-tune to his own bullshit, so, he's usually pretty good about knowing what he does that pushes her a little too far.

i... i love them so much.

damn i HAVE to stop doing this to myself. i get all into these fictional men, and then, when i actually date around in real life, FUCK am i disappointed. i'd like a man written by a woman, please! God, when is it my turn!? 😂 i'd do anything at this point, good sir!

ah, but we live, we love, we learn - right?

anyways, enough of my whinging. thank you for sending this in and sending me down a rabbit hole! we all know i'm a masochist, so i love hurting myself in this way. tantalizes my wee heart.

all my love! 🖤

requesting rules and masterlist

Saltburn masterlist

[wtftarot]

PAC: Judgment

This one is going to be fucking intense, y'all. The Judgement card calls shit the fuck out. The Judgement card isn't judgemental though. It's all about self-reflection, taking a good, hard look in the mirror, and suspending your self-criticism so you can see yourself honestly. It can talk about a reckoning of biblical proportions, things being brought to the surface and nothing will ever be the same.

That being said this reading is for entertainment purposes ONLY and is not a substitute for professional advice in any capacity. Remember, use common sense, and don't be a dumbass.

Masterlist

Pick The Flag, The Angel, or because some of y’all’s guides have a sense of humor The Ass. And head on to your reading.

THIS IS THE JUDGMENT CARD. IT IS A TOUGH LOVE READING. IF THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU FEEL YOU NEED OR ARE IN GOOD HEADSPACE FOR, THIS ISN'T THE READING FOR YOU. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

The Horn

Ten of wands, Five of Cups, The Hanged Man, Five of Swords, Death Rx, Nine of Swords, Ace of Cups Rx, Eight of Cups Rx, Seven of Cups Rx, The Fool, and The Six of Wands.

Is it loud where y'all are at? Or is there usually a lot of noise going on where you're at? I don't think that has anything to do with the reading, just something I'm picking up on. Y'all know the Judgment card is not gonna pull any punches right? And you're ready for that? Alright then, y'all are stuck in the past and it's fuckin you over. I'm getting specifically that y'all replay embarrassing memories or replay times you fucked up over and over in your head and beat yourself up over them. Now most people do that to a degree, y'all though? Y'all do it a fuck ton. You need to stop beating yourself up for past shit. You don't have to start singing your own praises or whatever, just learning to stop that train of thought when it comes up would do wonders for you. I kept pulling cards for y'all because they felt empty, that's the only way I can describe it. Y'all are so fucking drained. It's like y'all are hanging around a well that's been dry for a while, but you won't leave cause what if you go looking and never find another one? THE WELL IS FUCKIN DRY SWEETIE. You refuse to let go of the past because what if the future is worse? Or what if you never find that again? Honey, I'm gonna give it to you straight (or bi?) By holding onto the past you are guaranteeing that the future will be worse. Hanging around a dusty ass well is worse than going looking for another one, full stop. I gotta be honest, it doesn't even look like you were happy with what you're holding on to. None of the cards talk about a happy past. I keep getting this imagery of ghosts haunting an abandoned house, but it feels like you're the ghost haunting your past. There's a vibe here too, that y'all are waiting for something to rush in and change things. Like some sorta lightning strike, epiphany, huge catalyst event that's like NOW, my life can start. Sweetie, that's you. You are the change maker in your life. I understand there's a fuck ton in life that's outside of our control, I get that. That's not what this reading is talking about. It's talking about how the choices you are making are keeping you stuck. How YOU are the catalyst for change in your life. Even small steps in the right direction will make a huge difference Your reading started with the Ten of Wands and ended with the Six. The imagery on them is really beautiful for this reading. In the deck I'm using, the Ten/Wands is depicted as ten sticks all tangled together, it feels like being stuck in a dark underbrush. The Six/Wands shows a blue butterfly flying out of a dark underbrush. You have the power to move toward a brighter future. You just need to take that power into your hands and stop trying to go back to the past. I believe in y'all.

Random ass vibes: enchiladas, butterflies, 888, pop-punk, 21, pink, pastel goth

Like this reading? Tell me what you like in the comments or leave a tip in the tip jar at the bottom of the post.

Angel

Seven/Cups, Knight/Cups Rx, Queen/Wands Rx, Eight/Swords Rx, Six/Swords, Wheel of Fortune Rx, Ace of Cups.

I'm seeing a watercolor painting of mountains. Someone painting scenery on a road-trip. This energy feels very soft, not gentle though. Like a cat that's cuddly but will tear you to shreds the second the mood strikes them. I feel like if you picked this group, you are one tough nut to crack. You've either had a rough life so far, are a rough person or both. Probably both. There's a softness that's calling you. A softer life coming your way, you probably feel it or have seen signs about it. It's freaking you the fuck out though ain't it? This life that you're being called to embrace, "being welcomed into" I'm hearing, is so soft and free and you've never felt that have you? It's terrifying. Honey. I fucking get y'all, I get this group wholefuckinheartedly. Y'all may be scared that this softer life will make you lose your instincts, that you will go soft and helpless. I think that's why the cat analogy came up, you won't lose it, babe don't worry. You won't be de-clawed just because you find a safe lap to curl up in. I'm feeling that the people that will come in with this softer life will love your edges and teeth. Knowing you will have their back when shit hits the fan will make them feel so safe with you and vis versa. Cause believe me they will have your back just as you do theirs. This energy is dark and intense and soft and warm all at once. It's so fuckin beautiful. Here's the catch, cause you knew it was coming: You have to start creating room for this softer energy. You have to start being softer with yourself, not judging yourself for wanting that softness. Stop ridiculing soft things, open things. I know you can take the hard times in stride but stop making yourself. Just because you can handle the hard shit doesn't mean you have to all the time. There is so much ease with this energy, it's just like a whisper in my ear. This is a time of rest coming to you but you have to kinda train yourself a bit for it, teach yourself that these things are okay. Otherwise, you may just lose your shit cause it's so fuckin foreign to you. (I keep seeing a flash of a long caption on instagram?? I don't know what that means at all, I hope it clicks for one of y'all. ) I keep getting the sense that y'all are worried about losing who you are if you embrace this energy, you won't. That intensity? The claws? The smartass mouth and edge? All yours to keep. We don't lose the night and storms when spring comes now do we? The only difference now is that you'll have a shoulder to lean on and will have moments of peace. BUT you have to stop judging yourself for even thinking about a softer way, seriously. How the hell are you going to be ready to embrace this fuckin awesome new chapter if you can't even THINK about it without mentally berating yourself? You don't have to do a complete 180 immediately, just stop yourself when you catch yourself repeating those thoughts. Just change the subject, do not engage. You can argue with those self-berating thoughts if you want, ngl this group seems like take no shit types. And let's be honest, we all know that you can't mentally beat yourself into the person you want to be, anymore than you could repeatedly neglect and destroy a seedling and have it grow into a huge ass tree. Things don't get stronger by being repeatedly broken down and destroyed. Y'all have had enough of the tough-love, hustle, push harder to do better. It's your turn for ease.

random ass vibes: art, Hozier, rainy forests, two-lane highways, candy, hammocks, fresh laundry, fire.

Like this reading? Tell me what you like in the comments or leave a tip in the tip jar at the bottom of the post.

Ass

Four/Swords Rx, The High Priestess, Three/Pentacles, Queen/Swords Rx, The Tower Rx, Seven/Pentacles Rx, Ace/Wands and Ace/Swords Rx on the back of the deck.

Y'all's guides think they're fuckin hilarious. Not only did they keep pushing me to pick the person's ass as the picture for your group. When I was writing up the lil intro at the top, I wrote something about a good, hard look in the mirror and I heard giggling and "yea look at the dick in the mirror". (jokingly calling you a dick, not in a really mean way, more like the way you call a friend a dick) They're giggling again as I'm writing this. This energy is very youthful and light. I think y'all tend to be very hard on your past self, very critical. I keep hearing "should've known better". You need to give yourself a break, especially from past mistakes. (Do y'all have trouble focusing? I cannot seem to focus on this group, so I'm sorry if it's coming across as very jumbled. )There's a deep need to go inward and explore your inner self. I think y'all actively avoid going inward, dealing with your own emotions. It's like y'all are running away from your inner child. Some of you may have had a rough childhood but I'm getting that it's more that y'all kinda bully your past self/ inner child, as they are one and the same. It's interesting, it feels like a few of y'all are demanding yourselves to be a way that you're not naturally and it's alienating your inner child. Now, I can't say who you are naturally, not my place. I can say judging by the cards, some of y'all are pushing yourselves to be more of a logical hardass than you are and for others of you it's the opposite, you're pushing yourselves to be more intuitive, touchy-feely than you are naturally. No Judgements for either side, I do want to say whether you figure out you're more or less logical/intuitive, you can still be into tarot and everything. All are welcome. All of y'all are punishing yourselves for not being how you think you "should" be though. I do mean punishing, too. Y'all can be downright cruel to yourselves when you try to be. Pay attention to what you're saying to yourself in those moments, as I'm getting that you may be parroting something cruel that was said to you as a kid. I mean, do you even truly believe what you're saying to yourself? Cause, honestly it looks like you do and value different skill sets and understand that everyone is different and does embarrassing shit sometimes, but you have a different standard for yourself. I'm hearing something like "Yeah but everyone' beats themselves up over embarrassing shit, everyone does this, and everyone hates themselves for past mistakes. Sweetie, everyone cringes at their past, not everyone is cruel to themselves the way you are. I don't think you realize how incredibly harsh your thoughts toward your past self can be. You wonder why you can never seem to connect with your inner child when you've become their biggest bully. I mean no offense and I'm not judging you, I'm just your guide's lil messenger. I didn't intend for this to be an inner child reading, that is what it needs to be, though. The Judgment card talks about calling things to the surface, and facing the truth of you head on. Your self-judgments are leaving your inner child feeling abandoned by you. You're picking apart the foundation of yourself and wondering why you never feel like you're on solid ground. This reading is calling you to go back to basics for yourself. I'm seeing for those of you who never really had a time when you could be a child, not only is this more relevant for you, it'll have more of an impact. Think back to what made you feel safe as a kid, or what you wanted to do to make yourself feel safe that you couldn't for whatever reason. Shows you watched or wanted to watch. The food you wanted. Buy yourself a toy, playdough is cheap as hell. If you're still pretty young and you're reading this, let yourself BE young. The world is so fuckin demanding and puts so much pressure on everyone to be "mature" and grow up as fast as possible and it's bullshit. Being easier on your past self/inner child will give you that spark and energy you've felt was missing. You're never too old to let yourself feel like a kid.

random ass vibes: spinning around til you fall, gardening, 222, birthday candles, art, blanket forts,

Like this reading? Tell me what you like in the comments or leave a tip in the tip jar at the bottom of the post.

[princncess]

The Problem With Fucking Ex-Cader Units

Don’t try to fuck an ex-cader unless you’re a real specific type of person. That’s my advice. Lemme explain this from start to finish. First of all, I’ve got to explain to you what a cader actually is. 

See, since the 30’s, where pilots were really wearing glorified suits, to the 40s, when mechs took on a size and shape more reflective of early cultural depictions about what they would be, to the more hulking things they are now, mechs have been steadily increasing in size. Around ‘53, the protection game changed. At that point, the penetration really wasn’t as much of an issue as the impact of a weapon, and no matter how much armor you caked on, nothing would stop a .24 c-cal¹ round from just jolting you so hard your internals got fucked up anyway, even if it stopped way short, nestled comfortably in the dozens of feet of whatever exotic metal they decided to layer on top of you.

So they ditched the whole heavy armor thing, which increased combat capabilities a ton, cause, y’know, extreme weight decrease. I shouldn’t need to tell you that that left a huge vulnerability. To fill that gap, they came up with a new class: Barricader units, or caders for short. Rumor has it a higher-up spelled “cadet” or “cadre” wrong and everyone just ran with it, too scared to correct the guy, but who knows. Caders are a single purpose unit. All the armor stripped off the glorious fighters who get all the medals, put onto caders, and their job was to take damage. No weapons, save for the ability to give someone a mean slam with your armor. High propulsion to get in the way of stuff quick and then back out so your team could return fire. Mechs physically built and pilots mentally trained to drag themselves by the last functioning finger to the next source of pain. Can you tell yet why they’re not a fuck for the faint of heart?

So no surprise that when these pilots are out-of-mech, they’re more than a little weird. I know you’ve seen all the posts about how ex-pilots are always breaking things, twitching like they’re scanning for targets, unusually sadistic, what have you. You’ll usually find an ex-cader cutting the shit out of itself and the like- some people think they’re depressed or PTSD or something, but really they’re just trying to get high again. They actually did a study on ex-caders, turns out they’re actually going through something chemically analogous to drug withdrawal, but for pain. If they’re not getting hurt, they feel like they aren’t serving their purpose, they get anxious, start freaking out until they can get their next fix of pain. They’re the ones reading “abuser blocklists” like a fucking menu, pissed that no one on there is an actual abuser. It’s not even “wires crossed” at that point, the wires are all fucking melted together.

I run a place where off-duty and discharged military come to relax, satisfy bodily urges- I don’t need to spell it out for you. Some of them actually end up working here instead of being customers. Anyway, any time we get an ex-cader in here, they’ve just got needs beyond the pay-grade of anyone who works here. It’s not like they try to force anything- well, some try this sorta… manipulation game, but the only satisfaction they’ll get if they do is getting kicked out by me- but even the behaved ones clearly leave disappointed. It’s nice for us that all the shit laws against sex work faded out, but the things these ex-caders ask for are still far into illegal territory, not to mention far past what my toughest employees can stomach.

Now, I’ve got one employee, Lucy, who’s also an ex-pilot- not a cader, an assault pilot. Doesn’t get very good reviews, bless her, she goes way too hard, can’t meter her force. People tap out. We had to give her a special whip that didn’t hurt very much, and only give her the serious masochist clients because damn could she swing. It was only a matter of time before an ex-cader arrived, heard about her, and decided “I gotta try it.” Can’t lie, I was interested in what would happen too. I had no idea the chemical fucking reaction that was about to take place.

A funny thing happens when you add “someone who wants to take more than anyone can give” and “someone who wants to give more than anyone can take.” It was unstoppable force meets immovable object. Someone created to be hurt, versus someone created to hurt. The answer is, they fuck like they’re both trying to kill the cader.

As is protocol, we left them alone in a room to do their business. Business outside that room, however, ceased. You could hear the sound through the entire building, both of them making the same noise- like a scream and a laugh combined, what I can only describe as the sound of Purpose, capital P, being fulfilled in the most violent way. Not to mention the impacts and claps, cracks of what I thought at the time were furniture. We kinda wanted to go in and check on them, make sure they were safe, but that’s against our rules, so we let them continue. We actually had a bit of a crowd forming near the wall, can’t blame the people for being concerned or interested. But after a little while, about halfway through their time slot, we could only hear one person scream-laughing. No club safe-word from anyone yet. I again considered checking on them, but figured I’d give it some time. Ten minutes later, the sounds were all calming down, still only one person could be heard. I knocked a few times. No response each time. The concerns were mounting among me and everyone else there. I cleared the crowd for privacy reasons, then got ready to enter.

That wasn’t a metaphor I used earlier. I saw Lucy on a chair, waiting, and the cader on its stomach on the floor. It- well, she, but this thing was no longer recognizable as anything but an it- looked like it had five elbows, the way its arm was broken up in a few places. The attached hand was scratching at the ground pulling the rest of the body what must have been micrometers closer to Lucy while she giggled and looked down at it. She looked up at me with a more intense joy in her eyes than I’ve seen in anyone- and waved to me, giddy, with a “Hiiiii!!!!”

In the low light, the only thing I could see wrong was the silhouette of the fucked up arm, I didn’t know how bad the situation was. I turned on the light and the first thing I saw was the various places blood had splattered. I screamed, Lucy laughed again, and someone peeked in who I had to shoo back out. I closed the door out of respect for the two pilots, but didn’t feel good about being alone with Lucy. I walked toward the cader, around its body to the other side- I saw legs broken entirely out of commission, the other arm hanging on by sinew, broken-off wood from the furniture jabbed into its abdomen. That special whip I got for Lucy tied around its neck. Then there was what was left of its face. It was like a crater, I was stunned the pilot was even still alive. Somehow I could tell it was smiling, despite the fact that I could see nothing but pulp. It almost sounded like the thing was purring, the way it was gargling blood somewhere deep in its throat. I looked around the room. It looked like just about everything in there had come into play at some point during their session, everything scattered. Broken glass. Some fingers. Turns out I had misconceptions about what vocal cords looked like. I saw Lucy’s wrist had also broken somewhere along the way, and the rest of her was as bloody as anything else in the room. She was staring back, but it didn’t seem like she was upset at me, or registered me as a potential target. When I regained the power of speech, I sat down in a patch of ground without much blood and called an ambulance I knew wouldn’t be enough. I tried to talk to Lucy a little bit, but she seemed too starstruck by her experience to offer much beyond “Look how cute!”

Well, I guess whoever peeked in called the cops, because they came along with the ambulance. Lucy was too out of it- and proud of her work- to do anything but admit to everything. While they took her away, I wondered what was going on in her head. Did she understand she did something wrong, or was the euphoria of that whole thing just too much?

Scratch that. I have no idea if she did something wrong.

¹ Centcal, abbreviated c-cal. 100 times a caliber. .24 c-cal is the same as 24 cal, or a 2-foot-wide bullet.

[maxe-murderer]

thoughts on the summoning choreo and the LiB's ages

aight so i watched the digital ticket last night and spent way too long analyzing the choreo for the summoning and a) want to ramble abt it cause its cool and b) wanna give my 2 cents for the Lords in Black ages theories (i don't think I've seen anyone mention this but im sure im not the first person to notice)

so the choreo for LiB do at the very beginning of the summoning is like a lot to take in all at once so i didn't take it in all at once and rewatched the same like 10 seconds over and over

so each of the LiB have their own little bit of choreo that's theirs, with Blinky and Nibbly's probably being the most obvious. But they all seem to do the same moves - with some little differences for a few of them - at completely different and seemingly random times. They do all start with "their" move. So breaking down each one, starting with:

Wiggly: The first move Wiggly does and the first one we see in the pro shot. Bent over at the hips, arms out to the side swinging in and out at the elbows. Reminiscent of his tentacles, yknow. One difference I can see with his choreo is he puts the majority of his weight on his right leg with the left out to the side and partially bent - he only does this the first time he does his move, and Tinky does similar but to a lesser extent.

Tinky: First thing he does, the bend down snap up repeat, arms back when down arms out in front when up. First time you see it in the pro shot is Nibbly doing it in the background behind Pokey (roughly 2:01:07). It doesn't make anything immediately jump to mind, other than like, goats fighting.

Nibbly: Since Nibbly has the lollypop prop it looks like licking the lollypop. For everyone else, it's just their right hand sorta sliding down in front of their face. The first time we see this is Wiggly doing it during the line "Wiggly wants his wrath".

Blinky: Bent at the hips, circle down and left to right and up. Blinky holds his hands in front of his to make that triangle/diamond over the one eye. Pokey holds his mask in front of his face for this, it looks like Wiggly does either the same hands as Blinky or basically the same but centered on his face, it's difficult to tell, Nibbly and Tinky just have their hands out in front of them.

Pokey: Swapping from facing right, right hand up in front of your face to facing left with the left hand up. Makes me think of Hamlet. Pokey looks at the mask while facing right and his hand when facing left. Everyone does the same with or without whatever prop they have. Tinky and Wiggly put their arms all the way up in a more of a presenting something type pose - Tinky's arms straight up and Wiggly's a bit bent. Nibbly does the move but faces forward instead of looking at his hands - he does this for every move, face is constantly directly toward the audience.

so I do wanna say first that while they do have all the same bits of choreography (just at different times) none of them do it exactly the same. There are small differences between all of them on the same moves (ex. Tinky: some people keep their head up when going down others have their face to the ground. Nibbly always keeping his face forward. Legs bent and feet flexed. Etc.)

Ok. So. The order that each of the LiB do each move is the same for all of them, but they each start at their own move and end on their own move.

The order goes: Wiggly, Tinky, Nibbly, Blinky, Pokey

Its a really fun way to keep the scene feeling cohesive but also super chaotic. It's pretty much impossible to notice a pattern if you aren't replaying the same part specifically looking for if there's a pattern.

As for their ages, I can't say that I actually have any strong opinions on the LiB's ages (I think any sort of hierarchy among each other they have is based on what I can best describe as their eldritch vibes) but this is fun to think about so like.

We all agree that Wiggly's the oldest so basically, the order Wiggly does the choreo as the ages of the LiB. And I think that when we look at it like this it has a sort of like, coming into being as the universe evolves to fill whatever cosmic need there is or smth like that. If you get what I'm getting at.

Wiggly's the oldest, he's clearly in charge and I think is also the most vague if we try to narrow down his "thing" if you know what i mean

Tinky would then be second oldest, I think it makes sense. He fucks with time itself, once you have a world you kind of need time for shit to happen in it

Nibbly next, middle child. He's hunger. As soon as you have life in the world that life will need to eat. And, he's the only one of the LiB who will consistently exist as a physical being outside of the Black and White (at least for a short while) and I think having the middle child be the one to have that sort of ability just sorta works

Blinky is the second youngest. His whole thing is sight. Not everything alive can see but a whole load of them can. Insert some sort of specific connection to the development of humanity. He's pretty satisfied with just having Watcher World seemingly. His brothers all have their domains and shticks already, so he'll just be happy in his corner torturing the shit out of whoever goes to Watcher World. No need to step on anyone's toes, y'know.

Pokey is the youngest and steps on everyone's toes. He both has a pretty nailed-down theme of control but is sorta, messy about it? his two main appearances have his existence in the physical world be directly connected to the meteor to the point of him getting kinda fucked over by it in Yellow Jacket. He's "The Singular Voice", he wants everything to be him, if it's not his voice he wants it dead. He's also the only one who we've seen get scolded by Wiggly. So like, the annoying and loud little brother.

anyway that's it. idk if you have any thoughts tell me. working boys budget breakdown soon to come

[magicxc]

Sizes

Pairings: Survey Corps - their dick sizes

Word Count: 857

Warnings: none

A/N: this is so self indulgent, it aint even funny lol. Please enjoy what I think the bois are packing.

Headcannons Masterlist

Eren - 9.5 inches

Phew I mean, this doesn’t take too much explaining…at least for me. Eren legit had the gall to wipe out 80% of the population so I can only imagine that he has the balls to match. It’s safe to say our boy is all bark and bite cause he’s absolutely backing up whatever the fuck he says. Needless to say, you need to be PREPPED before penetration.

Levi - 6.5

As my personal favorite of the bunch, daddy Levi is absolutely still working with sumn, okay!!! Let's not count our short king out the race. Matter of fact, I'm willing to bet my bottom dollar that Levi is giving you THEE best seggs. As fun as size kinks are, let's be real, it hurts before it pleases. And 6.5 is like the perfect length to comfortably kiss your cervix. That stamina? His insomnia? The low, sultriness of his voice? Yeahh, you can kiss a good night's rest goodbye and your pussy will absolutely thank you for it. It’s been said that Levi is one of the best in terms of ODM use because of how quick he is while maneuvering the gear and the way it’s used is by the wearers shifting a lot of their weight to their pelvis for movement. Once again YOUR PUSSY WILL THANK YOU! 

Erwin - 7.5

Though the Commander stands tall above his peers, he has some muscle mass to him and therefore I consider him a girthy fellow. Keep in mind this is the same man who stared down Reiner in his armor titan form, all the while being short one arm. It's been said that the horses that the scouts ride are bred specifically to outrun titans but what they leave out is that Erwins horse is bred specifically to carry balls as heavy as his. Lmfaoo this man is BRAVE, just daring a mf to try some shit. And he absolutely carries that trait into the bedroom as well. 

Connie - 7.5

Connie has always given me goofball vibes. That “huh” ass mf was sorta the comedic relief to the show and it’s like omg you brought dick too?? Funny men be getting me ngl jksjsks. It’s been said that Connie views the Scouts training almost like a summer camp and while he made the top ten his competitive edge doesn’t really set in until he sees someone doing better than him lol. I genuinely don’t think dick size matters to him all that much so when he becomes sexually active and gets so much praise, it’s like ohh wow - new kink unlocked.

Jean - 10 inches

I'm willing to physically debate this lmao. This is probably the only thing he’ll beat Eren in, but I whole heartedly believe that Jean is packing a SCHLONG. He’s always stood above his peers throughout the show and as he ages, it’s more prominent. Tall and skinny men are literally always packing and those pencils wanna write in every book. Mans would absolutely put Mikasa through a mattress if given the chance.

Onyankopon - 8.5 inches

Even though Ony doesn’t get a whole lotta screen time, I can safely assume his length here. This is the same man who fucking DARED Floch to kill him AFTER witnessing him kill a few others for refusing to fall in line. You wanna talk about standing on business? Ohhh Ony’s your man through and through. Mans is always fighting for the greater good and even willing to sacrifice his life for the cause; it’s safe to say you’d bark if he asked you to. 

Reiner - 7.0

Ok hear me out, mans is GIRTHY. And 7 inches isn’t a bad place to be at all. Very rarely do those beefcake ass men have length, but that doesn’t mean they're lacking. In fact, I’ll take it a step further and guess that Reiners smeat curves left. CHANGE MY MIND. Any man strong enough to wield that heavy ass armor titan is absolutely knocking the cobwebs off that pwussy. Needless to say, prep is still a must.

Armin - 7.0

Its certainly the quiet ones that shock you the most. Have you ever interacted with a chill and laid back man? It's definitely a reason for that and Armin is no exception. Although I consider him the least experienced, keep in mind that he is a QUICK learner. Every contort of your face and shift of your body is all the notes he needs to take to properly learn how to work your body over. And soon, you’ll be able to mold him to your perfect sex partner. That, coupled with his sweet attitude and sincere personality; sigh that bitch Annie really struck gold with this one. 

Floch - 8.0

If you look up unhinged in the dictionary, you’d literally find a picture of Floch. Many can make the argument that he may be overcompensating for something, but I di-fucking-gress. Even though he can be a bit off the walls, it truly was for good reason and all in the name of his country and THAT, my friends, is big dick behavior.

[zoeythebee]

This is THE single largest milestone in my entire 7 year game programming career.

I don't think I've ever gone over my history with moving platforms before, but basically. Back in my sophomore year of highschool I had a programming class! I hadn't chosen to take it, but the class I wanted got cut so I got this instead. And I already knew how to program, and the teacher was chill so I was like "can I like just work on whatever?" and she said sure. The rest of the class was doing an online html+css class.

Anyway I was like "yo I have an entire class period to program! I am gonna make a game!" That game was the first version of ThreeEye, and it's scope was very small. My plan was some like 8 levels, and the only mechanics were movement, spikes, and moving platforms. Spikes were extremely easy.

But there are no words for the difficulties I faced trying to impliment moving platforms.

I spent... Every. Single. Class period.

For. A. Semester.

Trying get them working.

I tried making the game in Gamemaker and Godot.

In Gamemaker I had a strange issue with the player sorta hovering above the platform, instead of cleanly moving on top of it. And also sinking a pixel inside of the platform when moving up. I never fixed it.

I then tried Godot, and I continued to struggle.

Oh I struggled, I struggled and struggled and struggled.

And was it worth it? No.

I found the bug, and it was caused by my refusal to actually read documentation and instead follow tutorials. The tutorial I was reading had the arguments for a 'move_and_slide_with_snap` function out of order.

So I fixed the bug.

And immediately found another bug that was even more dramatic and hard to debug.

And I quit.

I quit game dev for 2 years, and never looked back. At that point almost all I had done was watch tutorials and ineffectively debug. And I was so hyper focused on fixing this ONE issue that I never grew. I burnt out and I declared that programming wasn't for me.

2 years later I discovered a video of someone making a game without a game engine, but in C. And I thought it looked fun. So I decided that I would try programming again, but I wouldn't focus on trying to FINISH something. I would program as a hobby, and try to enjoy the act itself.

And I got that spark back, and now, 2 and a half years later. I solved moving platforms with the following 2 lines of code.

And it's not these lines specifically, my skills as a programmer and EVERYTHING surrounding these two lines is what brought me here. My code structure was good enough, such that actually implementing the moving platforms took 5 minutes. I copy and pasted some code, cut some stuff out, and added the above lines.

I know I am technically a better programmer than when I first faced this challenge, but after having actually beat it. I feel like I have made it further than I ever had before.

Also that means this game is also further along in progress then anything else I've made before.

Yippie!

[pieroulette]

Helloooo. Hope you're doing okay 🫶🏼

I wanted to know if I can request a Yuma one shot where he says something that upset you (he didn't mean it though) and you are giving him a bit of the cold shoulder. But then he's being so cute and extra you cave and just forgive him.

Please and thank you if you choose to do this!!!

snuggly, snaggletooth menace — nakakita yuma

author's note; ngl i enjoyed this lol.. ik this was a few months ago buttt im trying to complete the remaining requests i had! sorta find it fun to write teammies request for others recently ♡

you didn't have to go this far, you thought; sulking inside your room all while burying yourself in the mountains of blankets, comfying and comforting yourself, spam liking each and every post on your feed with rage imbued within your thumb while the other kittenish—sharkish little guy with his snuggle tooth peeking out whenever he smiles was probably out there roaming around looking for snacks.

but who cares right? who cares what he's up to? when he doesn't care what you're up to either anyway?

it just so happens when after throwing on the new pretty dress you bought—you giddily hopped to where he was—currently playing video games all while yelling at his poor teammates for messing up, specifically maki.

okay, maybe it was your fault for interrupting him but all you ask was a three-second attention and what was his opinion on the dress but how can he be so mean? "oh god, not you too (name), the dress suckass. get it?—maki! i told you to not spawn there you motherf—"

so here you are now not bothering to change into your pyjamas, so deep in your thought that you were unaware of the slow creak of the bedroom door, and the boy quietly slipping in through like a kitten on his paws, climbing on top of the bed.

you only realise it by the spot close to you deepening, signifying that he was close. and you didn't care any less to get out of your 'tent'. it was silent for a few moments, fiddling his hands and all before he place his palms on your covered form, "pretty, you okay?"

you weren't supposed to answer but the pet name somehow triggered you, in a bad way, of course. "p-pretty? now i am pretty? why don't you go back to your pretty game, pretty keyboard, or whatever it's called—"

you didn't get to continue your words when you got pushed deep into the bed, yuma's weight on top of yours as he mumbled, "okay, okay, i'm sorry. i know i was too mean—" you didn't have to see his face to know he was pouting, his arms wrapped around your waist as he held you tight. "forgive me please?"

"never— ah!" you let out a yelp when the blankets were pulled off your body, closing your eyes immediately with your hands but even that were yanked away by the boy who's right in front of you, his face leaning a few inches from yours—causing a light blush to dust off your cheeks. "get off!"

you pushed him off causing him to fell off the bed, a few exaggerated "ouch" emitted from him. "so mean."

"not like what you did to me exactly three hours ago, sorry not sorry, it's past the deadline."

"excuse me, there's even a deadline?" his jaw dropped as he rubbed his back, getting on top of the bed again. you ignored him with a glare and a pout, crossing your arms despite how he look so damn cute with his messy hair.

"whyyyy? am i not your little baby shark or baby snuggle tooth anymore?" okay, that's a foul. he shouldn't be doing that, but he's so good at it as he leans closer, placing his elbows on top of your blanket-covered knees, resting his chin on his palms as he pouted—his signature snuggle tooth peeking out.

"you little menace. that's not how you ask for forgiveness??"

"but it won't work if i don't you show my tooth! isn't that your weakness? am i not your weakness?"

"no get out!"

"i'll even give you my tooth if you want!" "i don't want your tooth! that's gross—"

"then what about me?"

"not a little menace like you." you let that out in a rather small voice, though. of course, you two knew better than that despite all the banters and stuff.

"whatever you say," yuma continued with a satisfied smile as his hands pulled off the blankets completely from you—revealing the dress you've wanted so bad to show him earlier. "it's pretty, but you already know you look pretty with anything, yeah?"

a few beats of silence surfaces in the air, but you eventually snorted "horrible pick up line! learn from nicholas or fuma, yeah?"

"they're not even good at it!—"

"well, atleast they're not gold at being a little meanie menace like you!"

"who says? nicho hyung is menace too! you just didn't see it, duh" yuma retorted, "besides, they don't have this—" pointing his index finger towards his tooth peeking from the top corner of his lips, "now, watch me do this. nyah, nyah!" to your huge shock, he imitated a kitten's gesture, forming his hands into a paw as he tried so hard to make you giggle, singing a random kitten song and replacing it with apologetic lyrics.

you were about to burst into laughter but you held it in, but goddamn your stomach were about to explode as the boy won't stop with his kitten agenda.

"oh god— can't you laugh? i'm sacrificing my reputation right here, i can't let see kei hyung or maki sees this or they'll humiliate me for life—" yuma almost look like a draining line sticker drifting off the air, but continued afterwards.

"tch," you scoffed, but you could no longer hold it as you laughed so hard, and oh boy, did he loved the sight in front of him. "you silly menace."

signed and delivered! — sat, 6 jan 2024.

[adaptacy]

If you are taking requests, I have a pairing that I do not ever see enough of: Gale x Durge. Specifically resisting the urge type Durge. Starved for content as I am, I’d be happy with whatever is written about the two. But I’d love something involving Durge nearly killing their lover or the reveal of Durge being one of the orchestrators of the Absolute plot. In game, those scenes feel far too underdeveloped.

Durge playthrough spoilers blow the cut (Shadow-cursed lands, Last Light Inn stuff. No act 3 spoilers)

so, I haven't gotten to that far into my durge playthru but I did get to the part where you try and kill your lover and to nobody's surprise that happened to be Gale!! i was actually kinda terrified that he was going to die bcs, in my defense, I did try to kill Isobel but Marcus or whatever-his-name-was got the last blow on her first and I was devastated that Gale was gonna have to pay the price for my low damage roll. in the end ofc it was worth it cause he tied my durge up and, I mean, who's gonna complain abt that??

ANYWAYS point is, yes, I agree, I wish that scene was more fleshed out too and I am more than happy to oblige and build on the scene that we were given! Also fun fact, I hadn't actually confirmed the relationship with Gale when this scene happened but the night directly after I tried to kill him he showed me his... 'tower'. And given how horny he gets watching tav/durge beat ppl up in the shadow cursed lands, i do not think that was a coincidence LMAO

No Sceleritas here cause I'm just gonna get to the good part :D — also durge here is gonna be sorta resisting the urge, but has more or less been allowing it to fester, just not embracing it.

Gorgeous was an understatement.

Busy days — waking hours occupied by wars, sight filled only with the flashes of spells and showers of blood — were all you knew. Nights were barely any break. Smiles were more common at camp, but given the near complete lack of smiles outside of camp, it wasn't saying much. There wasn't much time to be at camp, as the original mission to rid yourselves of the tadpoles grew messier and messier with every passing battle, and each matter was more pressing than the last.

You didn't mind, really. While you were just as eager to get the incubating creature out of your head as the rest of your group, each new quest and mission brought along with it the promise of bloodshed. Adrenaline. Victory. A momentary but exorbitantly satisfying quenching of your thirst for violence. A thirst you first found unsettling and terrifyingly unfamiliar.

When you first found yourself gazing down at the bloodied body of a stranger, dreaming of the torturous pain they must have felt when they met their fate, you were disgusted. Couldn't believe where your thoughts had wandered.

You'd fought it. Refrained from telling the others for fear of being ridiculed, or losing their trust, or scaring them. For a while, you'd fought it. But scarlet liquids, screams of terror, and slaughter had become your routine.

And gorgeous was an understatement.

Peace. Security. Naivete.

One knee bent, the other lazily stretched out, the bedroll barely containing the length of his body. One hand under his head, the other by his side. His eyes were closed, the soft hazel only ever plagued by a buried longing was hidden from you now. His hair spread over one arm and on the thin straw pillow beneath his head, more messy than he'd ever let it be seen while he was awake.

His right cheekbone had a bruise on it from where he'd hit himself with the butt of his staff while swinging it, and you recalled finding time to chuckle at his mistake in the middle of the battle. Being a few feet away, he'd heard it, and couldn't help but look over at you, his cheeks red from more than the blunt force, his mouth pulled back in an embarrassed smile. The moment of shame had earned him a punch to the side from his opponent moments before Astarion managed to stick them with his own blade, saving Gale from a worse fate.

Even down here, far from the surface, it was warm enough — perhaps from the fire that burned a mere two, maybe three, feet away — for Gale to concede and discard his shirt, resting more comfortably in a pair of indigo pants.

He had been honest about his appetites. His cravings. He was hardly hesitant about revealing that part of himself to you — fortunately, he was plenty aware of the consequences that would be wrought upon you, and the rest of the group, should he risk being unable to consume artifacts if he kept his secret.

Even Astarion, who's affliction was much closer to your own, was honest about his needs. It took a lot longer, and you're not sure how things would have gone over had you not woken up the night he planned to feast on you, but his admission did occur.

You were aware of the risks of your secret. You always yearned for more, even when you were positively drenched in crimson, when you'd been messy enough in your strikes that bathing in the river the following evening caused the water around you to be tainted a diluted red. Everything was temporary. Even the satisfaction derived from fights that left your weapon with such thick clumps of gore that Gale had to hold the shaft while you scrubbed away, as if the fight itself hadn't been taxing enough on your exhausted body.

Yet they all remained unaware. Some picked up on it better than others; Lae'zel's compliments, however shallow they often were, had picked up in frequency as you allowed your hunger to get the best of you, undoubtedly giving you some heartless upper hand against the foes forced to face off against your party. Karlach found you delightful, affectionately doting over you as you imitated her own battle-induced rages, though she didn't quite pick up on your lingering stares or mild smirks when your appetite had been satisfied.

Gale was the closest to discovering the truth. Unsurprising, given your mutual favoritism for one another. When you'd butchered Alfira, you'd been quick to blame wolves. Shadowheart, immediately discomforted at the mention, believed you without a second thought. Lae'zel had jumped to blame the Tiefling's lack of defense. Astarion seemed unbothered at best. The others were too busy mourning the bard's early demise to ask questions.

But he'd found you later, kneeling by the river, just before bed. 'A devastating misfortune she suffered. A sweet, innocent soul. Misfortune is perhaps the only apt term for the loss. Terribly curious, it is — To be so savagely slaughtered by beasts that aren't even native to these woods.'

You remembered freezing, fear flashing in a quick rush across your vision, knowing his eyes were on you, studying your reaction. He was so close. You'd agreed — 'an unfortunate fate indeed' — and he'd said goodnight.

Never again was it brought up. Never again was it questioned.

And gorgeous was an understatement.

That was, perhaps, the worst misfortune of all. He had such undying curiosity about the world, and yet that curiosity never reached you, or your intentions, or your past. Too trusting.

The camp was quiet. Crackling flames, distant whispers from the shadows hanging just beyond the light's reach, and his soft, patterned, blissful breathing. His chest rose and fell, so helplessly gentle.

His staff leaned up against a rock several feet away, alongside with everyone's weapons, save for Astarion, who preferred to keep his daggers close. Today had been no different from the rest; the battles had been taxing, only seeming to increase in difficulty the further you wandered into the shadows. He'd given it his all today, and it had been worth it, as you'd managed yet another day without losing any member of your party. As he'd explained it, the more of the weave he manipulated, the weaker his spells got — at least until he was able to rest.

He lay before you, undoubtedly sapped by the day's events. Defenseless.

And gorgeous was an understatement.

Three bruises. One on his cheekbone, one persistent discoloration that sat in the middle of the dark mark of the orb, and one on his side where he'd been assaulted by the undead in his moment of distraction. In a blink, your fingers grace the bruise on his side, and they tingle. Being fresh, the blemishes swirl a deep purple into his light skin, nearly matching the tint of his pants.

Purple was his best color, wasn't it?

The twitch of your fingertips sends a pulse through your body, and you taste an itch in the back of your throat. The tadpole squirms, you can feel its short wriggle behind your eye, but its control falters. Some other sensation warms your body, easing you into a malleable, thinning consciousness, and your gaze trails slowly, drunkenly, over his torso.

Three bruises. Clear, stuck to his skin like the stars he so fondly recalls. So far from the view of the sky, and yet you find a constellation still. Another blink, and your right leg has crossed over his waist. However forgotten your past is, it grants you a waking dream, as vivid as reality; Gale Dekarios, laying under you much like he was now, his pretty face littered with prettier bruises that dot all the way down to his shoulders, his neck red and swollen, branded by the picturesque imprint of hands.

Your hands.

And gorgeous is an understatement.

It's distinct. The pulse of his arteries, teasing the gift of blood beneath his skin, purring under your fingers as they push, your thumbs hitched underneath his jaw, pressuring the veins. Your own heart is thumping, encouraging your desires, urging you to indulge.

You've tasted vindication like this before. When you awoke to the spectacle of Alfira's maimed corpse, there was serenity like nothing you knew possible. It came underlined by pride, your work preciously appalling, and you relished the piece, the art macabre and perfect.

The sweeter the canvas, the finer the design.

Gale was nothing if not sweet.

"My — Hardly the sight I was expecting to wake to."

Another blink, and his bruises are gone, save for the contusion on his cheek. Absent are the inscriptions of your hands on his neck, and his hazel eyes are revealed to you once more. Though you don't remember moving it, your hand presses against the black circle on his chest, palm pining for his throat.

You're unable to move. Unable to control yourself. Unable to win back your own consciousness. Gale props himself up on his elbows. His heart rate has picked up, and yet you don't sense fear. The curiosity in his eyes is familiar. The quirk in his left eyebrow and the smirk playing on the corner of his mouth is not.

"I do assume you meant to wake me, eventually. No harm," he says, gaze narrowing, and your lack of a response makes him huff out a chuckle, or at least part of one, as it only lasts a beat. Your eyes are pinned to his throat, reaching to find the comfort of your imagination's lens again, but your dream has been interrupted. At last, your eyes meet his, and it's the hazel that causes the tadpole to squirm again, awakening your senses once more. Gale moves one of his hands to rest on your waist, and his head recoils ever so slightly. "You look uncomfortable. What's wrong?" He asks, and you're able to sense a less pleasant curiosity, but it's still free of fearful influence.

"I'm going to kill you. You have to stop me."

His eyes widen, and still, there is no fear. He doesn't believe you. "A rather twisted joke... Not one I find particularly humorous. Albeit, humor is subjective, although–"

"I killed Alfira. You're next. No time – you have to stop me," you huff, and your confession brings on a raging headache, unlike any pain you've ever felt before. You lean forward, teeth grit as you groan, and Gale squeezes your hip for a moment. Though the reverberations in your head are overwhelming at the least, you finally catch a hint of fear from the wizard, and you're thankful for it. At least a part of you is, though the beast that brings on your headache is only bubbling to a rage, furious that you would dare turn against your thoughts. You've not committed a betrayal against your own conscience, but instead, betrayed your destiny, refusing some urge that is larger than yourself.

With what little remaining control you have, you push yourself off of him, and he's quick to rise to his feet. Your eyes squeeze closed, fighting the unwelcome entity with the rest of your energy, though given your excursions earlier in the day, that energy is quickly dwindling. Your knees press to the dirt, the heels of your palms pressing to your temples as you keel over, an aggressive, roaring nausea plaguing your senses, soon joined by an even more violent malignity that rips into your control as though it means to test you.

You want him dead.

A wonderful bath his blood would provide — A marvelous crack his bones would sing — A remarkable terror he could feel. He will suffer.

There's a firm squeeze on your arms as they're yanked behind your back, and you writhe, fighting your cravings as they fight your containment. The hold is followed by a burning scrape on your wrists as they are hastily, and uncomfortably tightly, bound by rope. Your head swings, but Gale manages to pull back in time, his reflex causing his grip to falter, and you fall to your side, rolling towards his bedroll.

He frowns, eyebrows pinched inward and he kneels in place, a few paces away, reading the situation and assessing just how much of a threat you pose. Gale glances at where Shadowheart and Karlach lie, still miraculously sleeping soundly despite the struggle occurring no more than two yards from where they reside. His attention returns to you. "Easy. Should you retain any control, I merely request that you refrain from indulging in... whatever your intentions may have been. Greedy as it may be, an explanation certainly wouldn't hurt."

There's a command, conjuring as a sensation rather than a verbal declaration, and it rings through your entire body. You're unable to decipher the apparition's ambition, but your muscles act nonetheless. It fights — you fight — against the rope, and there's a flare of savage discontent when you're unable to free yourself. "You're better off as my prey! You will suffer a purgatory worse than any of the hells could manage," you bark, and your words are not your own. The control he speaks of is entirely silenced, leaving you an unwilling vessel, forced to submit to the will of your past.

"Not the answer I would have preferred, but an answer nonetheless. Yelling will only stir the others from their slumber, and I predict they won't be as understanding as yours truly. You should consider taking up a quieter tone," he advises, and you growl, forcing rashes into your wrists as you wage a war on your binds.

"I will spill your blood before this night is through!" You yell again, and Karlach shifts where she sleeps, stirring a flash of worry in his expression. "Wake them! I'll slaughter them all the same!"

Gale cringes, conflicted for only a moment before he overcomes his internal argument, and he quickly rushes to your side. You bite at him with a rabid ferocity, and he sits behind you, pulling your body closer to his own, even as you squirm and fight him. Shadowheart mumbles, bordering on the edge of lucidity, and Gale curses out a whispered "Godsdamn it." He huffs, irritated just as much as he is scared, and his palm presses to your mouth, his thumb keeping your jaw shut — or at least trying to keep it shut — as your head is pulled against his shoulder.

You mumble, fervently antagonizing him, your muffled words being split up only by the subtle flinching of your jaw as you attempt to bite at his hand, all to no avail. His grasp is tight, nearly rough, keeping you as restrained as possible, and he watches Karlach and Shadowheart with apprehensive dread, his focus painfully split between concern for you and fear of you.

Gale looks down at you, his expression firm and yet, against all odds and expectations, somehow understanding, even if it is incredibly mild. "I've seen you tear apart the most ferocious of beasts. Foes that would make Bhaal himself tremble. You always prevail. You must defeat this — whatever it is." He nods, but his encouragement is not what you want to hear; you thirst for his terror, you thirst for his pleading, you want to see him tremble. His tone softens, and he squeezes your jaw, almost tenderly. "I'm right here. No blood will be shed tonight. Fight to your heart's content; I will not give in. You cannot give in, either."

Your heart is all that remains of your better judgement, and it aches at his promise, though the guilt and appreciation is quickly whisked away by your burning rage, your need for violence. You persist, as does he, correcting your every shift, no matter how exhausted he grows. Certainly the most stern you've ever seen him — more disciplined than you knew he could be, but you have little room in your mind to process that. You despise the way that he cares, the fact that he is just gentle enough not to injure you as he restricts you, the understanding in his expression, the near nurturing tone he takes on.

Yet it's the affection that eventually subsides your bloodlust, willing it to retire, however angry it remains. Angry at the loss, angry at the incompetence, angry at the devotion. Devotion to the wrong subject. Gale wins, ultimately — and by some affiliation, so too do you. A temporary victory, you're well-aware, but even if it isn't permanent, your body becomes your own, your thoughts and feelings along with it.

Exhaustion is the first burden you bear upon your return, and Gale is hesitant to ease his grasp on you, but he takes the risk, and you can't muster the energy to move away from him. Your head pangs with a narrow pain, manifesting as a faint ringing in your ears, and your wrists sear with sharp bites from the fraying rope. His hand releases your mouth, shifting quickly to your shoulder as your torso threatens to fall over, your buried rancor having completely wasted away the last of your energy.

Gale sighs, his own muscles easing up as he inches backwards, allowing you to lean more comfortably, and with a bit more stability, against his chest. One of his arms stays displayed over your abdomen, quite possibly still a little worried you might lash out again, and you didn't blame him for exercising caution. You lean into him, mostly because you lack the energy to do much else, but also because you want him to understand that you are beyond appreciative. "I'm sorry," you mumble, your voice hoarse and barely above a whisper — barely audible at all, really.

"I know. You're okay. Rest now, you'll certainly require some form of rejuvenation if we intend on defeating Ketheric and... Well, repressing whatever it is that you find yourself cursed with. And I assure you, I do so unquestionably intend on assisting you with your affliction. After all, I'm quite fond of my vitals, and I've no interest in seeing them spilled." Gale's tone is almost lighthearted, but genuine still.

His arm releases you, and he guides you to rest your head in his lap, allowing you to experience a little more comfort. Your eyes close, and you fear sleep — you know the possible horrors you could cause when you're left defenseless against your bloodlust — but you feel it taking you nonetheless. Gale doesn't untie you, not yet anyways, and it provides the slightest of reassurances. Worst case scenario, you know that, should the urge take advantage of your rest, Gale will expect it this time.

"Perhaps a poor time for confessions," he begins, his hand brushing stray hairs from your face, "But I must admit, the notion of you becoming lost to that rage is not a concept I'm anywhere near comfortable with. Keeping my heart beating is one motivation, and a strong one at that — but I hope you understand that keeping you safe is also immensely important to me. In all honesty, I'm... not sure what I'd do without you. I worry enough witnessing your engagement in the violent affairs we do so often find ourselves tangling with." Gale pauses, and clears his throat, shifting nervously. "Apologies, pay me no mind — A little shaken up, I fear my feelings may be getting the best of me. Rest. We'll reconvene come morning."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for ghosting someone in RP?

This is a very chronically online problem, I'm aware, but I could use Tumblr's input. This is kinda long, so tl;Dr at the end.

So I (ftm), Z (nb), and O (f) (ages unimportant, but we're all adults) have a server for a shared fandom of ours. There are other people on the server too, but they're relatively unimportant to the problem.

One of the major channels to note was an rp channel. Things started off peachy keen! Everyone was having a grand old time! However, little problems started to pop up. O began introducing some ocs to the rp group chat, which, while outlandish for the setting (her ocs were ghosts from 1500's Minecraft Germany or whatever? I'm still not entirely clear since she's bad at continuity). And while I'm not against more out there ocs, the issue was how she used them, constantly trying to solve problems instantly. They felt more like MacGuffin's than characters. But whatever, she's our friend so we didn't really care.

Then, the racism incident happened.

It's a cool name, but sorta makes it sound more important than it was. Basically O had "monster form" at the end of each of her characters names, since apparently they had human forms too. Well, in an argument, a character referred to the group of ocs as monsters (since, how else would you refer to all of em at once?), and in one of her ocs replies they said smth like "oh btw thanks for the racist remark".

IMMEDIATELY in the ooc chat, Z and I both go "hey man, we're not playing the racism game", which... caused O to leave the server temporarily. Fun.

The relevance of the racism incident is to show why we can't just talk to her ooc about the upcoming issues.

((Very offhandedly she also keeps trying to pressure Z specifically into rping? Even though Z has made it clear many times this month that they are busy with the holidays??))

Anyways, time passes and O keeps wanting to tack on useless shit to her characters (both canon and ocs) for literally no reason. From "Bruno esk powers" to "shapeshifting genitals", it just felt like feature creep.

Eventually this comes to a head when she asks if her 32 year old character could be a WWII veteran.

You know. In the text chat based rp where characters use hashtags and emotes and talk about Twitter.

After a small back and forth between Z and O in the ooc chat, Z just kinda, gave up. Part of the reason they made the server was to transfer their previous rp writings to a server they own, so they don't have to worry about it getting deleted. (Before anyone assumes Z is just being strict, trust me. Z had been very accommodating with letting me and O make inputs and have our characters make an impact. This wasn't an issue of O's lack of control, but rather lack of care about the setting.)

Z admitted in a group chat with just me and their partner that they basically are just going to give up on their previous rp, and just let O do whatever she wants.

This really, and I mean REALLY, ticked me off.

Now, I will not start a ruckus about it on the server itself since I know Z hates confrontation, but now I've just settled on to give O the cold shoulder in rp, not replying to her ocs, barely interacting with her canon characters, etc.

I feel like in character I have a valid reason to ignore her (her ocs made one of my ocs upset, and my other characters are upset for him), but I can't tell if this would be too mean?

ALSO quick little note I forgot to mention above, but it's basically just the three of us in the rp chat, so with Z busy for the holidays, I'm the only other person who O would be able to rp with, if that impacts the vote.

TL;DR - Someone in a rp server is being a right ass and we cannot talk to her about it without potentially starting a huge fight, now I want to ignore her in rp. WIBTA

What are these acronyms?

[krynutsreal]

my hand slipped a bit

no freaking way.... ishimondo sky au real....

ummm this took an embarrassingly long amount of time (79 hours altogether </3) so u will. look at them!!!!! If u don't know what sky au is or want 2 learn more about these sillies then I will be rambling about them rn (with extra doodles) !! lucky you :]

Kry, what is sky au ??

To put it simply, it's a (mostly) ishimondo centric au where Mondo guards over the sun, while Taka guards over the moon. Together they keep Earth in balance. Other planets (excluding Earth for now) are guarded by a being similar to Mondo and taka (aka the hopes peak students are now guardians too). They all each have their own ways of making sure that their planet/moon/etc are rotating correctly and orbiting around the sun n such !! (It's a work in progress so pls bear with me </3)

The Earth, in this case is not guarded by anyone in particular. Which gives the beings an opportunity to basically go down there and explore or just go through shenanigans pretty much. So long as they don't burn the whole planet down and are able to blend in with humans down there they're able to do whatever they please 👍

now to get some sorta like. random facts about Mondo n taka (plus the piece itself) out of the way cause !!!! the post is about them SO

Mondo: Sun guardian ☀️

Does not have a specific routine when doing his job. Usually goes with his gut feeling and continues on from there.

With that in mind, he tends to travel to earth very often to mess around n' have fun. He doesn't doesn't go out of his way to cause destruction (at least not on purpose)

But, he is more feared than liked by most of the mortals there. That does not stop him from roaming around the Earth though!

His halo can emit the brightest light that could honestly blind a regular human, but for the space beings it does not have much of an effect on em.

MF TOOK THE LONGEST TIME (42 hrs) !!! BC OF HIS HAIR. and the halo. shakes him crumples him up

Kiyotaka: Moon guardian 🌙

Unlike Mondo, Taka actually does have a routine that he carefully and thoughtfully planned out to make sure that everything goes smoothly with things regarding the moon (phases, rotations, yk)

Only goes down to Earth for educational purposes, he wants to learn more about how the moon directly affects the Earth (as well as other things about mortals and nature in general)

Does come off as intimidating to mortals, but it is mostly unintentional and therefore he doesn't hang around them much.

Is able to make little star projections with his hands and uses this to make his plans/write down stuff (good example is making that flower projection in [this] comic.)

he was the one I drew first !!! [37 hrs] (hence why he took less time then mondo) I lov his cape. umm also crumples him up

AND THATS ALL I HAVE FOR NOW. IF UR READING THIS THEN THANK U FOR UMM READING THE RAMBLES. I GIFT U THESE.

BYEEE!!!!!! collapses onto the floor .

[teague-broski]

Mashing together this theory and another one (but I can’t find it for the life of me) where Grace is the reason NPMD happens, more specifically that the Lords In Black have a hold of Grace before the plot even sets in motion.

First piece of ‘evidence’ is the whole Dirty Girl scene. The whole thing is a sexual fantasy which Grace doesn’t even realize is happening until halfway through: “Max Jägerman? What are you doing in my bathroom?” And the fact that he’s wearing a crucifix which sorta seems out of character for him, but fits what I imagine Grace sees as the ‘ideal version’ of Max.

But also, she is woken up from her bath fantasy by her dad, meaning it was more of a dream than a ‘daydream’. Also, she holds her hand up in confusion as if she didn’t know she was doing that in the first place??? Very sus

Next piece is more the vibe of her character the whole musical. (Keep in mind I haven’t watched any of the Nightmare Time episodes so I don’t know much about Abstinence Camp but I’ve heard some stuff about her being unhinged there as well. Still, my theory is specifically about Grace in NPMD.)

Anyway, it seems really weird that this girl is clinging to the idea of being pure and not a sinner (she wouldn’t even let Max hold her books because ‘she’s only 18’, seeing that as being a step toward her and Max being “in carnal embrace”) and here she is lying to her family, lying to the police, stealing a gun, and cursing at God. Also also, SHE DISMEMBERED AND HID A DEAD FUCKING BODY. And lying is the sin she’s worried about? Talk about one fucked up moral compass lol.

And my last piece is the summoning. This one is a two parter cause there’s a couple things happening here. First is the actual summoning part. When Grace, Steph, and Pete are on the floor, they look pretty terrified and confused, but right before the Lords in Black show up, Grace makes a face of either pain or discomfort which is very different from Steph and Pete’s terror. Grace is literally wincing and curling in on herself. Just something me and a few other people noticed.

And the second part of the summoning is Blinky. He literally says that they’ve been watching her and they know all the bad things she’s done. Isn’t that kinda weird that the Lord’s in Black have taken an interest in Grace and ‘haven’t done anything about it’? Between Wiggly and Pokey, they love getting involved in their little shenanigans in Hatchetfield but this time they just sat back and did absolutely nothing? I don’t think so.

Anyway, maybe I’m delusional and none of that makes any sense or I’m a damn genius lol. I would love to hear your thoughts on this about whether or not it works!

Also here’s the link to one of the theories I saw:

[writefightandflightclub]

Santi +/x AuDHD!reader headcanons

(could be platonic or romantic - but written as not co-habiting)

Author’s note: maybe this is too niche, idk, but sometimes I like to think about the blorbos and how they’d interact with an AuDHD reader (because that’s me, so for obvious reasons). I headcanon that Santi is particularly compatible with a neurodivergent reader, maybe because I’m being self-indulgent… but also because why on earth would he not be? So here are a few poorly written / cobbled together thoughts which have been rattling around in my brain.

PLEASE NOTE: These are written in as general a way as I could manage (which may make it slightly less fulfilling, sorry, as it’s therefore lost specificity) but please note: since everyone who is AuDHD is so completely and vastly different, I couldn’t possibly have made this “fit” everyone’s experiences. Sorry if there are things you don’t relate to, but I tried to include a few more common experiences in there so hopefully there’s at least something.

Also! If you have any hcs of your own (for any Oscar/Pedro characters) PLEASE share them because I want more ND!reader content out there! 😀🧡 (Will also consider ND!reader requests if you have them, provided I think I can do it justice!)

Warnings: brief mention of panic attacks / anxiety (Santi). Geared towards ways that Santi helps reader out - that’s where my head was at, so it is what it is. Broadly neuro-affirming, I’m not putting anyone down for any traits ofc, even if they do cause challenges sometimes! Hope that makes sense!

Santi is so organised and tidy. He can make a plan and execute it with great attention to detail (have you seen that storage locker?!). If you struggle to stay organised and keep the house tidy etc., Santiago will have no issue helping you out, whether it’s coming up with a routine, creating a system, or simply doing a quick blitz anytime he’s over at your house. He finds it sorta therapeutic anyway, and you never feel like he’s doing it because he judges you or the condition of your place. It’s just wired into him to find order. Hell, sometimes if you lose something around the place you call him to see if HE can remember where he last saw it, and usually he can. That military routine never really left him, even all those years later, so he’s a great constant for modelling structure!

Santi will FaceTime you to body-double whatever chores you want to complete. For example; you have a Wednesday evening tradition to call each other while you each fold the laundry, or do whatever else you need to get done. You do get things done, and he makes you laugh the whole time too. He sticks to this routine as much as he can, no matter what else he has going on, or which country he is in. He loves this quality time with you, and to him it’s just a bonus that it helps you out.

Running late to meet him? He’s learned to bring a book and a flask of coffee along. He’ll wait, you’re worth it.

Sensitive to noise? Santi can’t relate fully, but he knows what it’s like for some sounds to instil negative effects. (See how this veteran is feeling around the fireworks at 4th July and you’ll get it.) He will respect your need for quiet when you need it. Besides, he’s slowed down a lot since his younger years and more and more enjoys the little things like curling up and reading a book. That said, if you want some stimulation and fancy hitting a dive bar with blasting music, or wanna dance in the kitchen, he can also be convinced. He has the range to accommodate all of your sensory preferences, your routines and your impulsive ideas, and he’ll gladly follow your flow.

He’s a magician at regulating you. This man is observant and can read people like nobody’s business, so he knows when you’re getting overstimulated or overwhelmed - often before anyone else does. When he sees it happen he’s happy to help you calm your nervous system however you need. Whether that’s a soft / firm hug, distracting you by talking to you in his soothing voice, working-out with you, letting you fidget with him - his hands, bracelets, whatever - or borrowing a texture of his, like playing with his soft curls.

Better believe this guy sends you texts throughout the day to check that you’ve eaten / drank water.

If you’re running late to an appointment and he’s free he will 100% drive you.

He loves to cook and always “accidentally” makes extra, so that you always have a stock of tasty “emergency” meals in your freezer for days when you don’t have the energy / functioning to cook.

Don’t wanna make the phone call? Santi will do it for you. Besides, he can charm the socks off of anyone so it’s probably best he deals with it anyway.

Santi is charming but he also has the ability to be straight down the line in his communication, especially with you as he trusts you so much. That means you rarely have to guess what he’s thinking or feeling about any particular thing. He lays it out for you and that’s super helpful. Of course, he can be closed off about his more complex, deeper emotions, but that’s something you seem to bring out of him - at least, in ways that no-one else has managed. You’ve had plenty of deep heart-to-hearts with the man and you know you can count on each other in a pinch, whether you need comfort or to vent about something you have going on.

Santi experiences panic attacks and anxiety and can relate to some of the ways you also struggle. He gets that people’s brains work in different ways and he’s far from judgemental about that. You’ve never once made him feel lesser when he’s been struggling and he will NEVER do that to you either.

Your sense of humour cracks him up no end.

He loves that you can be “blunt” / direct / a little “too honest”. He always knows where he stands with you, and for someone as (secretly) insecure as Santi that’s no small thing.

If you indicate you are burnt-out… he BELIEVES you. No questions asked - except for what you need, of course.

Forgotten something? Santi has started carrying spares. This man is nothing if not prepared, and now that simply extends to you. Whatever day-to-day items you carry (or often lose) he makes a mental note of the item and brand and buys multiple - for his place, his truck, wherever.

This man has social skills galore, so you can lean on him at parties, or in whatever situation if you’re feeling uncomfy or want a “way in” to a conversation. You can even leave him to do all the talking if you like, though of course he will enable you to have the floor if he can see that you want it. On the flip side, if you talk a lot, he is absolutely listening and rapt with whatever you are coming out with.

Don’t always look him in the eye? That’s okay. The man is so beautiful he’s used to people not being able to stare directly at him 😝 Besides, he finds you and your mannerisms completely charming.

He’s deadly, sure, but overall he’s actually quite a calm and not hugely reactive person - especially in a crisis. That can be so helpful in balancing you out on some occasions where you may react in a heightened way, or be emotional or worried / catastrophising about something. Despite his ability to skip town at the drop of a hat - before deciding to stick around - he does have the ability to be pretty steady and stable and sometimes that’s what you need.

He appreciates you and everything you do for him. He helps you out sometimes but you never feel “in his debt”. He is endlessly praising all of your amazing strengths and attributes (amidst some fond teasing ofc) and appreciates all that you are as well as all you do for him, and he couldn’t ask for a better person to have in his corner.

[coff-in]

AAAAHHHH I'm the devious baby sis requester and coff-in you make my heart flutter :))) Your thoughts on Decay route fed my thoughts oh my god you genIUS 1. All I can think of is baby sis reader finding her siblings dead (or at least close to dying) in the murder-suicide route and being like "D: Why didn't you take me with you????" Which kind of brings me to an interesting question, do you think either sibling would ever be compelled to kill her? Like for example Andrew clearly meant to go meet Ashley in the afterlife, does he ever have "ah hell just bring the whole family" thoughts and goes to find baby sis reader? I just think of him gently comforting her, talking her down with a knife to her throat because it's for their own good, he promises. 2. Alternatively, baby sis reader *pretending* to lose it when she loses her -not- favorite sibling because, yk, that's what normal people do when the lose their siblings. It's still a plan though because if she freaks out about it, whatever sibling left will freak out that this will cause reader to leave > they become even more possessive > yeah that's exactly what reader wants. In the case of Ashley, reader's crying over Andrew while Ashley is half-insane herself and frantically telling her that "I'm good enough for you, right? You don't need him, WE don't need him (coping very hard right now)! You have me, you have me!" and she completely misses the look on reader's face when she finally gives into Ashley's embrace. If it's Andrew, reader backs away from his knife and bumps into Ashley's body and screams, trying to run, but he catches her (as always) and tells her that "I'll take such good care of you, it'll be like she was never there. Isn't that fine? I've always been your favorite older sibling...and now you can have all my attention. It'll be better with just the two of us... (he is also coping very hard right now)" and reader "reluctantly" gives into him because of the knife, but she's secretly delighted. She hopes he doesn't put a hand over her heart, because it's fluttering. Sorry I feel like I just word vomited all over the place, I just wanted you to know that your thoughts are so DELICIOUS mwah I love you too :DDD

notes from coff-in: I JUST SAW THIS!!! i'm at work rn but i can't wait, i'm just too impulsive. and omg "devious baby sis" that's so good! we should actually kiss each other /j

[fem] reader-insert, follow up to "younger sister [reader] who just as bad as the graves", talks/mentions of incest, murder and suicide

i would think that andrew would most likely kill baby sis [reader] in the decay route. he killed ashley out of his resentment for her (but he joins her later because he still loves her you know?) but he also loves [reader] too, so he'd kill her too so they're all together forever. in an afterlife where there are no consequences their actions! there's also the possibility that he doesn't kill her and GRRR THAT'D BE SO ANGSTY!!! [reader] coming across their dead bodies and trying to cope with the fact that her siblings ("soulmates" because we're delulu) are dead and they didn't invite her to go with them. she'd have a full mental breakdown before killing herself.

(this is completely unnecessary but i see devious baby sis [reader]'s weapon being a pair of scissors, the blades are supposed to be symbolic of her siblings. every precise cut and stab is made with her love for them ♡)

oh oh oh!! her getting to live with her favorite sibling would be fucking hectic. i definitely see the siblings loving each other like a cute little incestuous polycule but having [reader] live with her fav sibling would be sorta chaotic. ashley would maybe use [reader], not as a replacement for andrew, but maybe some sort of stand in? [reader] for the most part does everything ashley wants her to do and only really choosing to step in and veto ashley's feelings when they (or ashley specifically) are in danger. there's also hella toxic yuri incest, you gotta trust me on this

"i'll take such good care of you" GOD I WANT ANDREW!!! I WANT ANDREW TO BE REAL!!! THE DEVIOUS ONE HERE IS YOU NONNIE FOR WRITING THAT LINE 🔥 ✍️ i think andrew would try to put all that happened in the past but he's coping and [reader] can see that. they'll leave ashley's body buried somewhere and ditch town and try to live a normal life... as boyfriend and girlfriend :3 but sometimes andrew slips up, you know? maybe he almost calls [reader] ashley or maybe he's brushing her hair one night and puts it up in a ponytail like ashley did. but [reader] doesn't mind, of course, but she has andrew with her :)

or maybe andrew and [reader] continue going about their murder and cannibalism after ashley dies when they steal her dream talisman, who knows, who knows.

i'm curious about what would happen if her favorite sibling died but she couldn't kill the survivor. would she leave? would the living sibling be mad at her? i'm like growling and barking in excitement in my mind I LOVE THIS!!!

you and your wonderfully devious brain, 'nonnie, thank you!!! ur like a head chef in the kitchen, just know that i'll always eat your cooking ♡

----

coff-in

[daxwormzz]

Who’s Piter? (Full disclosure, I’m entirely prepared for rambling, I’ve just never heard of this)

HIIIIIIII OKAY SO. Basically. Piter de Vries is this guy from hit 1960s scifi novel Dune by Frank Herbert. He’s the right-hand to the main villain, The Baron Harkonnen. He’s only in the first half of the first book, and some of the bad prequel novels.

Piter’s whole thing is that he’s a Mentat, a human trained to essentially function like a supercomputer and be crazy good at calculating shit. (Because “thinking machines” have been outlawed in the world of Dune, so no computers!) but also he’s specifically this thing called a TWISTED MENTAT, which means he’s a computer who’s evil and has no moral compass. It’s up to interpretation what exactly caused this— there’s sorta two theories with equal amounts of evidence. One: this one evil organization purposefully fucks up Mentats to MAKE them essentially lose faith in morality and humanity as a whole. Like reeeeaaally fucks them up. And two: they’re actually just born like that. Like the mentat was already predisposed to “evil” behavior and that one organization just exploits that and employs them.

I sorta think it was a mix of that for Piter, I think he was born with obvious signs of brain illness and that was exploited and exacerbated by whatever he was put through. I think if he wasn’t “twisted” he probably would’ve grown up to he just some kinda strange asshole, rather than one of the most wretched guys you’ll ever meet.

That being said, the actual gist of Piter’s personality and description is this: eccentric and snarky conniving guy who LOVES to torture. He’s also shown to be very power-hungry, and subtly obsessed with control and death as a whole. And also poisons. He has a passion for poison-making. As a mentat, he’s also an assassin of sorts, cause turns out they’re pretty good at that. He’s described as having a terrifying “silky” voice, so kind of like if a snake was a guy. He’s also described as followed: a short “effeminate” man with frizzy hair, probably wears platform boots, blue-within-blue eyes, and red-stained lips. (“It was like a mask grimace over those eyes like holes”, to quote the book directly.) his eyes and mouth are an important detail, because those come from all the DRUGS he takes. Like so many. He’s specifically takes Spice, the most important substance in Dune basically. That’s what makes his eyes that weird blue! So he’s like… unnerving-pretty. Weird looking but pretty in the way a very toxic sea creature is. Do NOT touch. Sometimes he refers to himself in the third person and he sounds like the Miette cat post.

BUUUUT YEAH so like, weird guy amiright? I’m prone to loving evil right hand man characters, I’ll be for real. But what really got me crazy about his character is how he’s treated in the story by various characters. Sure, he’s a bad awful guy and all that- but he is also CONSTANTLY dehumanized. Specifically by his “employer”, The Baron. Who is a whole other can of worms. There’s even a whole scene where the baron puts Piter on “display” and refers to him as “it”. The baron also explicitly exploits Piter’s drug addiction to get him to comply and stay “loyal”, which is particularly scary I think, because spice withdrawal is incredibly deadly.

Piter and the Baron have some of the most bonkers banter in the entire book. It’s comedically evil in every way. You can tell they HATE each other but it’s hidden under so many layers of scheming and posturing. Piter would take the barony if he could 💪💪💪😔😔😔 Piter is also THE guy who comes up with the entire coup against the main character’s noble house that sparks the main events of the entire book??? Like he states directly that it was HIM. On like page 21 of the book. And this is not talked about much. None of his movie versions really get to the “meat” of his character, especially the newest Dune films. He’s very glossed-over, honestly. Which is a shame because as you can tell, I find him fascinating!

I think…. I’m done now… thank you for coming to my Piter talk… I hope this is enlightening 💚