#not excessive but like thats not either of their blood.

[vlasdygoth]

butcher

(+ bonus ocelhira)

[laithraihan]

now i’m kinda curious to hear what you think of proshipping.. if you don’t mind of course

I'll share my thoughts, and if theres anything I say that doesnt make sense feel free to point it out to me because I mostly write with the help of a translator. Under the cut because I wrote too much stuff.

TLDR: proshippers hate me because I dont want to look at glorified depictions of pedophilia/incest/etc, antis hate me because my content isnt 100% sanitized. I stay around anti circles because I find it slightly easier for me to talk about my headcanons with them even though I think they can be insufferable.

So the thing about proshipping. From what I've seen it means being "anti-harassment" and being in support of curating your online experience, which sounds great on paper and that's practically what I do. I have over 3k accounts blocked on my personal twitter to navigate the website more easily and I also dont care if someone blocks me if they dont like my stuff.

Except proshippers never consider me a proshipper because I am uncomfortable with viewing glorified depictions of topics like pedophilia, incest, rape, all that stuff. The same way people are uncomfortable with excessive blood and gore (which I also can't really handle seeing). Whether or not it's always easy to tell if it's glorified is an entirely different topic, which is precisely why I stay away from all depictions in general to avoid being intrusive.

And what's interesting is that I do not label myself an "anti". Mainly because I don't even know what the term "anti" is supposed to mean ("anti-" what exactly. Genuinely please tell me because I actually dont know) But the ones who label themselves "proship" always call me an anti, because again I do not wish to engage with content related to pedophilia etc, and that alone apparently enough to be considered "a person who harasses others over fiction" even if I mind my own business and have no interest in forcing my personal tastes on others, especially if they make it clear that they wont change their mind. Which makes me believe that for a lot of self-identified proshippers, the definition of being "proship" would be more similar to "I love fucked up stuff and if you dont then youre lame and it obviously means you can't tell the difference between fiction and reality" which honestly seems like insecurity to me.

Forgive me for bringing up this up once again but I want to mention an example to make it easier for me to explain: yknow the whole thing with me drawing Minori and Reigen and labelling it "non-cp" which caused a wave of both self-identified antis and proshippers harassing me over that (I'll say that proshippers were more bold about it since the antis harassing me were all anonymous). Proshippers saw me saying "I dont ship that" and interpreted it as me being defensive and in denial, as if I said "guys I swear Im an anti !!! please dont think im a proshipper !!! ", when I meant "I dont want to discuss this with others in a shipping manner because thats not how I see it and I dont want to enter a space Im not comfortable with"

I admit I responded to this situation in a petty manner, but this was after several days of harassment done directly in my inbox and publicly (sometimes I wish yall remembered that group chats and priv accounts exist). My point is that simply saying you don't like seeing pedophilia in fiction is enough for proshippers to believe it's justified for them to harass you over it (and I'm fully aware they'll say it's not harassment, only when antis and "puriteens" do this to them then it's harassment)

Now about the anti side. Don't get me started on them either. If proshippers see me as an enemy then this must mean that I always get along with the ones who call themselves "antis" (I do not). Note that Im only talking about adults here, I dislike beefing with children and I think their feelings about this are entirely reasonable (I'll elaborate on this when talking about internet safety)

But anyways. I think a lot of adults are discourse-brained and do way too much. Im thinking of nonsense like "this ship is problematic because they are 'sibling-coded' so thats basically incest" "siblings giving each other a hug gives me proship vibes" things of that nature. And you're not allowed to do anything that even has the smallest possibility of being interpreted as "problematic", because then they'll harass you for it, and if you clarify your intentions, they expect you to apologize for "misleading" them because clearly they didnt do anything wrong by making assumptions about you.

There's almost no room allowed for creativity with them, everyone has to follow fanon because they consider it canon, if you ever want to try something other than the same boring domestic fluff then it's "too much" (and not even platonic affection is acceptable to draw in certain cases). Which is incredibly fucking boring to me who wants to see different types of content. People even said I was enjoying incest for drawing Reigen selfcest, and that I was "making others uncomfortable" by drawing it. Genuinely seems to me that they only care about moral superiority, that they never think about anything in depth, and I dont think they realize that it also shows in what they create: boring and repeated fanart and headcanons where the only thing you can say about it is "thats cute", nothing more because you saw it ten billion times already. You cant draw two people showing platonic affection that absolutely nobody would bat an eye if it happened in real life, you cant discuss something specific in more depth without people saying you have a fetish for it, and then they'll harass you based on their speculation that it's a fetish. I dont think many realize this, but fandoms are full of autistic people, so it's normal to see people who are interested in very specific things that dont make sense to others! I wish people were less judgmental, but at the same time I dont care if people think Im weird. I think what I mean is theres no reason to mistreat weird people who do no harm to others.

So yeah if you call yourself an "anti" I'll assume youre spend too much time engaging in fandom discourse and you're the type of person to believe that fanart where two people are holding hands is the equivalent to drawing them fucking each other. Which I think is a very childish mindset to have and it's worrying that many adults think this way. I also think that as an adult they should be capable of blocking stuff they hate instead of constantly arguing with people online because at this point it's just mental torture.

The thing about internet safety I mentioned earlier, I'd say this is the one thing that I'll always prioritize discussing whenever proship discourse comes up.... To put it simply: filter and limit the visibility of your content, do not put triggering stuff in the main tags, stay in your own circles. Whether or not you believe fictional rape/pedophilia/etc is bad is irrelevant, my point is that these are objectively triggering topics and should be filtered just like how there are warnings for violence and blood even if it's not real.

"But it's the parents' responsibility to control what kids look at online, this has nothing to do with me!" and I agree with the parents being the ones Primarily responsible. However the reality is that children are online and there's nothing you can do to stop it from happening. Kids will also enter spaces theyre not allowed in, theyre children and children are rebellious especially teenagers, I was like this as a teenager too. You'd be lying if you said you were always obedient since childhood and never did anything you were told Not to do. And you can't really expect teenagers to always block and not interact if they see something triggering. It's your responsibility to block them if they interact with you, because what I see most of the time is adults bickering with teenagers who are uncomfortable, calling them "puriteens", putting them on blast and allowing other adults including NSFW accounts to dunk on them.

Humiliating and degrading teenagers does not "teach them a lesson", it only makes the teenager more stubborn and reactive. Adults must accept that kids will always find their way in there even if your content isnt easily accessible. So I think it's stupid to feel offended at a child because they got upset when they found upsetting content like how any normal child would react. Which is why I wish more adults would keep blocking without saying anything petty to provoke teenagers.

Before someone pancake-waffles me and says "so youre fine with antis doxxing people" no I do not support doxxing. Ive been doxxed so I know it sucks. However the only times Ive seen it go this far is after continuous arguing because nobody knows when to stop. Im not saying this applies all the time nor am I saying doxxing is fine, but there are ways to minimize this sort of outcome as much as possible. Both sides have doxxed people over petty arguments that couldve easily been avoided if they just blocked each other and moved on.

The topic above (internet safety) is probably the only thing related to this where Im actively telling others what they should be doing. It's not only teenagers who are triggered by depictions of pedophilia etc but also adults like myself. In my case Im old enough to block content I dislike without saying a word, however I cant help but think that there's not enough being done about filtering especially when I do not search for this type of content and I still see it all the time.

I also think it's important for me to mention that I have a very poor sense of morality. I do not have a personal moral code that I adhere to, and I mostly stick to the basic universal ones that make sense to me. So I will not discuss the "morals" of consuming this stuff because I am not adequate to share an opinion on this, and I know the most popular topic of discussion related to proship discourse is morality which I frankly find counterproductive. I dont understand why people should care so much if I find something morally correct or not, unless it's to make themselves feel better about having a "superior opinion" to mine. Though I will say that if a man tells me he's into rape "but only in fiction!" then I dont think it will stop me of imagining myself bashing his skull repeatedly with large rocks. Maybe Im too mistrustful of men in general.

Final point I want to clarify is that I am not trying to assert some sort of superiority over people by disliking both sides, like saying "Im not an anti or a proshipper Im a Normal person" or something like that, and Im not expressing a "neutral" stance on the topic of fiction's influence on reality either. There are topics like racism and orientalism in fiction that Im vocal about (which is expected since Im Algerian). I genuinely believe there are many things that are interesting to discuss and should be prioritized, but too many people are chronically online, subjective and defensive, at this point I dont even think it's accurate to say that disliking one side automatically means you support the other side regarding fiction. To me, "proship discourse" is not about the debate of the effects of fiction on reality, censorship in media, etc. It's about everything I described earlier that happens online.

[kkami-writes]

Black Blood — chapter eight. a familiar face wc. 2.4k cw. dissociative moment in the beginning. references. all in dance practice / ta dance practice

This week had felt impossibly long, time dragging and stretching taut in the recesses of your mind. After the filming of fandom tour, the boys had gone straight back into practicing. Tomorrow they would be filming two performance videos and with the Asian Artist Awards right around the corner they were incessant on making sure everything was perfect.

Right now you were supposed to be working with Minho on dinner, the boy had agreed to let you help while simultaneously teaching you some tricks he had up his sleeve. It was a nice experience, getting some alone time with the one person you were supposed to be the same age as. Minho was a bit of an enigma however, his personality seemed to change on a dime. One minute he’ll be stoned face, seemingly uninterested before saying something rather unhinged. You could tell that he was still a little reserved around you, catching his cautious glances towards you. Still, Minho was interesting to say the least and you had made it your goal to get him to drop his guard around you more often.

You had planned on a quick shower before helping with dinner but you had found yourself stuck in front of the mirror, gazing into your rather lifeless eyes. Fingers grip almost desperately into the marble of the sink and it’s the only thing thats grounding you to reality right now. Your reflection flickers between the illusion you’ve been wearing for three weeks now, to your true form. But which one was the real you? You had hated your “human” form for the sole reason that you looked exactly how you did when you were alive. If you were honest, the last few weeks you had been pretending you were still alive, indulging in the fantasy for even just a second. Now that you practically lived in this form you had found yourself slipping, forgetting the fact that you are for all intents and purposes, dead.

But when you flicker to your “true” form, the one with blood red eyes and matching horns; sharp black fingernails and a swirling tail - you’re not sure if this is really you either. This had been you the moment you had been dropped into hell. This version of you hadn’t felt like you either, nor had your “angel” form. It constantly felt like you were a stranger in your own body, unsure of who you were anymore. You wonder if you had ever really known. Even when you were alive. You flicker back to the illusion, your eyes glazed over and lips parted, reflection starring blankly back at you.

Your head is fuzzy, a white noise ringing in your ears as the grasp you have on reality continues to slip from your fingers. It’s uncertain just how long you’ve been standing here, just staring at someone you don’t recognize in the mirror. A knock suddenly slams your consciousness back into your body, head whipping towards the door.

“Um, are you okay in there?” It’s Bangchan. “You’ve been in there for awhile,”

“Yeah. Sorry. I’m coming,” You turn the faucet on, cupping your hands to splash water onto your face. The cold water does nothing in terms of making you feel any better, patting the excess away with a towel before you finally exit the bathroom. Bangchan is still there, just waiting for you beyond the door. He has a concerned look on his face but you simply wave him off, making your way towards the kitchen.

“Sorry Minho, I’m here now. What do you want me to do?”

Minho notes the flat tone of your voice and when he turns towards you, you look rough. Your eyes are still slightly glossy and even though you’re facing him, he can tell you’re not quite looking at him. Not really.

“You can cut the vegetables,” He motions to where he has set up the cutting board. You nod in response, immediately getting to work and hope it’s enough to distract you. However Minho finds it strange. You’re usually at least a little talkative, asking him question after question in an attempt to get to know him. So to see you so devoid of anything, it’s a stark contrast to your normally sassy self.

He wants to ask what’s wrong or even reach out to place a comforting hand upon your shoulder. Minho hesitates. He’s not one of the clingier members, unlike Felix and Jisung who haven’t been shy about getting your attention, Minho isn’t sure how to go about it.

So he lets you be, constantly glancing over at you throughout the night.

Why they had decided on an old empty warehouse for the filming location had escaped you, but you weren’t in charge of that so that was neither here nor there. If you were honest you didn’t understand the baseball uniforms either but you were certainly not complaining. If your eyes wandered a little lower then usual, no one but yourself would know.

Everyone was gathered in the spacious room they would be filming in, the boys chilling off to the side while the camera crew was finishing setting up. Their stylist were checking them over for what felt like the third time, making sure everything was perfect. You noticed Felix talking with Jeongin and as your eyes glanced over the blonde you notice the slightly obvious dirt mark on his ass. You call out to him, motioning for him to come over. He obliges, waddling over to you and blinking up at you with those bright eyes.

“Turn around Lix,” He’s slightly confused but does so anyway. “Did you sit on the ground? You’re dirty dear,” It’s probably a little inappropriate but you can’t help yourself from teasing the boy as you pat the dirt off his bottom. Felix’s ears flush to your delight and you give him once last pat when you’re done. “There. Be careful, you’re wearing white. Don’t give your poor stylist a heart attack,” Felix just nods before fleeing and you watch him run off with a laugh falling from your lips.

With a final check on the camera equipment, it’s finally time for them to actually film the performance. If watching them during their dance practices had impressed you, it was nothing compared to actually watching them perform. Their precise movements and the way they effortlessly moved their bodies had amazed you. Even the ones who weren’t the strongest dancers were able to keep up and if you didn’t know any better you’d honestly think they were all professional dancers, not a bunch of idols.

Honestly they just continued to show you just how talented they were and it almost irritated you with how perfect they were. Of course, you knew they were far from perfect. You might have only been living with them for three weeks but it was enough to pick up on their strange habits. Of course you had only found them more endearing than anything.

They only need to do two takes of the dance before the producer deems it perfect, sending the boys on a lunch break before they needed to change into new outfits. You had gone off to find a coffee for yourself, literally anything that would give you any semblance of energy. It was only mid-day and you found yourself drifting off. You had to feed soon or you’d be feeling the consequences.

With two iced americanos (one for you and the other for the caffeine addict that is Hyunjin) you made your way back to the waiting room, only to be met by a firm chest. One of the coffees collide into your own chest, staining the white blouse you have on. You groan.

“Ugh, I really liked this shirt too,” You huff, using a hand to uselessly wipe away the liquid.

“You could easily clean the stain with magic,” The voice is familiar and you don’t even need to look up to know who it is. Yet you still find yourself shocked when you come face to face with the male in front of you. He looks the same as ever, long silver hair and a rather mischievous smile for an angel.

“Jeonghan? What on earth are you doing here?” You blink in disbelief, poking him in the chest to see if he was actually here and not just haunting you.

“Well, I was just assigned to this little group called Stray Kids. Apparently there’s a demon that’s been hanging around them. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?” He says in that oh-so-smooth tone of his but you know him better than that and you can hear the underlying teasing mirth.

“Mm, weird. Don’t know ‘em” You shrug, raising an eyebrow. Jeonghan laughs, moving to ruffle your hair to which you swat at him, nose scrunching up in indignation. You will never admit how much you had actually missed the endearing gesture.

“I’ve missed you,”

You hum. “Yeah…haven’t seen you since-“ No words need to be said, he knows what you’re referring to. With a wave of his hand, Jeonghan clears the spilled iced americano off the floor. He points to the stain on your blouse.

“Gonna clean that?”

“You know, I actually think it adds more character,” Jeonghan looks at you pointedly and you stare back, not willing to back down.

“You can’t, can you?” It’s not a question and you both know it. “When is the last time you fed?” You shrug, looking away from the angel. “Hey” His voice is stern and it forces you to look back at him. There’s an uncharacteristically stern look painted on his face. You know he’s serious. “You have to remember that you’re in the human realm, you can’t get away with feeding every few months. The fact that you’re exhausted and can’t even do basic magic is proof of that. Promise me. Promise me you’ll feed soon,”

You let out a sigh, running your fingers through your hair. “Fine, fine. I promise,” You grumble out. Of course you’d never tell him that he was right, his ego was already big enough. It was true though. You didn’t want to think of what would happen if you didn’t feed soon.

“Good. Because I will not hesitate to call Seungcheol,” You cringe.

“You’re so overprotective still. You do know I’m not an angel anymore right? Won’t you get in trouble for even speaking to me? And if you’re the new guardian angel for stray kids, shouldn’t you be banishing me to hell?” This time it’s your turn to interrogate the male in front of you, eyes squinting and leaning into his space. He has the audacity to roll his eyes at you.

“First of all, what they don’t know wont hurt them. Secondly even angels don’t have the power to break these kinds of contracts,” He shrugs at that but you get the feeling he definitely knows much more than he’s letting on. “And you not being an angel never mattered to us, we still think of you like a little sister,”

You look away again, biting at the inside of your cheek. Jeonghan lets out his own sigh.

“I should get back, I should avoid being seen and I’ve been freezing time for too long now,” It’s then that you realize the angel has indeed stopped time, glancing around you.

“I hope you get in trouble,” You tease and he childishly sticks his tongue out at you. At that he vanishes in a quick beam of light, temporarily blinding you. When you look down you frown, the stain is still splattered across your chest.

Groaning, you walk towards the dressing room finding it empty. The boys probably already back in the area where they were going to film the second dance, having finished eating and changing. You need to find a shirt since you can’t clean the stain nor can you magic a new shirt but there’s nothing here except for the boys casual clothes and their baseball uniforms. Humming, thinking about your next move before shrugging and grabbing one of the uniform shirts. Not even bothering to check whose it is, you slip it on after throwing away your ruined blouse.

You make your way back to where everyone else is, not at all bothered at the fact that you’re just casually wearing one of the members shirt. They definitely notice though, eyes zeroed on you immediately once you walk through the door. Hyunjin is blinking at you in disbelief as you hand him his coffee.

“What are you wearing,” He asks bluntly, still looking at the shirt that you’re wearing. It’s slightly baggy on you, even after you tucked it into your pants.

“Oh, I spilled my coffee over my blouse so I had to change. There was nothing else and you guys had finished with these outfits so I figured it’d be fine,” You shrug as if it’s not that big of a deal. And to you, it isn’t. It’s just a shirt. But the boys can’t help but stare just a little, the thought of you in their clothes is at the forefront of their minds.

Their gazes linger on your form even as they move to start recording. This time there are lots of backup dancers, all of them getting in formation. Just like before you’re in slight awe of the boys, how well they move and easily stand out from their backup dancers.

In between takes the boys have finally stopped glancing at you, all except for Changbin. You can practically feel the heat of his stare, eyes flitting down to the shirt you’re wearing. It’s then you realize that it’s probably his. You’re unable to read his emotions but the slight darkness in his eyes leads you to believe that he quite likes the fact that you’re in his clothes.

And it’s true. It’s the only thing in his mind right now, your frame almost swallowed by the larger shirt. He shouldn’t feel this way. Why does his chest swell at seeing you in a shirt he had just worn a few hours ago? Why does he like the way it almost feels like it’s marked you as his? What with his name emblazened on your back. He has to push away these feeling, unable to unpack this jumble of emotions in the middle of filming.

Changbin has to adjust his pants just a little, actively avoiding looking in your direction now. He’ll have to message the group chat later because he certainly didn’t miss the look in his members eyes either.

Devils advocate taglist (50/50) @hannieslove @alnex05 @liknws @hyunelixbun @mixtape-racha @inlovewithallmusic @noellllslut @143lix @lolli4me @minhoie @soobery @sunnibearr @adorawritesalot @chlodavids @tasteskzsworld @chowmein69 @suebinn @yoonrimin @hyunestrella @elizalabs3 @chaotic-world-of-the-j @realrintaro @surefornext @minhwa @0325tiny  @tfshouldidohere @hanjingin @slay-and-gay @princelingperfect  @strawberryepie @yeetmehome @min-doesnt-know @shakalakaboomboo @skz-streamer @lovestayforev @the-simpy-simp @beautifulcolorgarden @foliea @studygirlmaxx @kpopsstuffs @highlydestiny @lenilla15 @chocolate-scoups @mits-vi @lovemyself-persona @rensimps @raehawthorne @miss-rose-dixon @producedbyy3racha @loverlixie

[imlivinginyourtrashcan]

Hi hello and howdy

Since I can't contain my thoughts here's all the "Mirage" logicistics. Basically they either swap or enhance ones personality, heres a few examples:

Mirage Lenore is way more looney and impulsive, with a practically nonexistant off switch having to be dragged off screaming before she sets anything on fire, her group mainly sticks with her for fear of their own lives and she and Annabel are ALLOWED TO BE GAY!!! HOORAY!!! They still have the pretend to hate each other thing but thats mainly due to Annabel's paranoia

Mirage Duke is a shit magician who constantly looses parts of his tricks, he's also like WAYYY too overdramatic, the kinda mf to fall over if you steal his chip,

"MY CHIP!!"

"Its... its just a crisp.."

"I WAS GOING TO EAT THAT!"

"Oh my god..."

So yeah, pathetic cringefail looser LMFAO, but he is the kinda person to pull a "OMG MY BEST FRIEND! MOVE!" And shove whoever out of his way

Mirage Pluto is if you took a wet cat and made him a golden retriever. He's very hyperactive, social, easily distracted. Mf is like "wanna hear abt my hyperfixations?!" Talks and doesn't wait for an answer a neat thing i did with some characters Mirage's is i inverted stuff abt them like hair, emblems, all that. He still thinks M! Duke's magic is cool

Mirage Berenice is a feral little creature, constantly biting or nibbling on things (mainly Eulalies arm, or her own. I dont think chewlery exists in the victorian era). She's also the queen of being unhinged, in spectre form shes somewhat normal at least. For the most part she's in her own world

Mirage Eulalie is the mean autistic, less into creepy/old things n thinks their lame and/or weird. She's the one dragging Berenice around and keeping the gang from falling apart. Her and M! Morella really out here sharing the only group braincell, shes also blunt as fuck and wont hesitate to tell you you look bad. I wanted to lean more into the japanese part of her character so she just kinda- speaks more of it now (lol idk how else to explain it)

Mirage Morella, like M! Eulalie, is a mean autistic. She's less emotional, and more of "I dont give a damn just get me out of here.", sticks with whatever group she's feelin that day tbh. Won't tell you you look bad, will probably just call you a dumbass and leave

Mirage Annabel is kinda like regular Annabel but without the "Life is like chess" mentality. So more jumpy, kinda a walking talking mental breakdown waiting to happen. Excess paranoia and increase of hallucinations cus pookie and I decided we aren't giving her a break

Mirage Prospero is no longer fancy and polite, he is sopping wet germaphobic wet cat. He will go through great lengths to avoid disease, faints around blood and puke, screams at the sight of his own rats (or just rats/bugs in general), actively raising his and Annabel's blood pressure with how scardy he is.

Mirage Montresor is imo the funniest one cuz he's just a polite little gentleman, doin all the chivalry shit like opening doors, pushing chairs in and out, saying his pleases/thank yous/welcomes, he's even calling everyone "Sir" and "Ma'am". He's still an asshole, but you really gotta provoke him to see that

Tbh, I didn't think much abt Mirage Will since Will to me is kinda just there as Monty's lackey who gets kicked around. SO he's less of a pushover, more demanding, up and refuses what people tell him, bullies M! Monty, he tried bullying M! Ada and M! Morella but bro got his ass kicked. On top of it, he's unfortunately more sexist and stubborn. No more people pleasing ig 🤷‍♀️

Finally, Mirage Ada. What I wanted to do for her is have her be an absolute girlboss who is always serving 100% of the time. Everything she does is her choice and for her and her friends, and and and shes Aroace too, pretty chill when she has to reject someone just like:

"Hey i like u"

"Oh! I don't feel the same but we can still be friends?"

"Ok"

EPIC HIGH FIVE

She also beat M! Will up, good for her

So uh, yeah! Thats all i got. If you have questions, feel free to comment or ask in the askbox. :)

[dlsintegration]

okay so I haven't seen anyone actually talk about this and it's kind of driving me insane . in the ep 4 claudia bday scene louis Clearly has some blood on his lips, you don't clearly see it but its there

Now he might have feasted on some festive birthday rat or whatever but . the number of bodies on the couch also matches; im pretty sure we have yet another instance of Louis not being as infaillible in his self-imposed moral code than what he wants us to believe.

Louis told us that he stopped drinking human blood in ep 3 and started drinking it again in ep 6 (from 17 to 37 so roughly 20 years?), coincidently at a moment where Daniel's awareness and senses were dulled out by the medicine, but thats a whole other post tbh, the point is that Louis glossed over that crucial change in a few seconds and Daniel didnt pick up on it.

And as many people have already pointed out in much better ways, his eating habits directly seem to correlate to his mental state and his persistent guilt, so it would make sense he was more enclined to indulge in that small time frame where things were good and he felt somewhat alleviated of that guilt, but either way I think it's interesting that his resolve wasn't as clear-cut as he made it out to be, explicitely or not, and that - once again - we know it per Claudia's narration.

Maybe it was just an exception, maybe Louis only allowed himself the excess on special occasions like here with Claudia's birthday, maybe he only caved that one time and it never happened again but the point is that he Did. And telling so would once again go against the careful tapestry of unwavering restraint and control that he has been trying to weave this whole season.

[boy-gender]

for anyone who is going to have drains after top surgery (if you’re bigger than an a-cup, this is probably you), i wanna talk a little about my experience with them. when i first saw drains in youtube vlogs by other people who’d had top surgery, they made me queasy and afraid. would i be able to feel the pipe under me? would blood and chunks be coming out? how would i sleep or move with them? so let me reassure you of some things:

no, you do not feel them sitting under your skin. your entire chest is so traumatized from the surgery that you really don’t feel much at all except a dull soreness all over. yes, even without heavy pain meds. i only took tylenol after my surgery.

no, you don’t feel them coming out either. one of my drains was clogged, so all i felt was a gush of warm liquid down my side. imagine if your armpit pissed itself. that is all i felt

no, giant chunks should not be coming out. if you are seeing chunks of flesh, you need to call your doctor.

same with blood. the fluid coming out is probably going to be red or range tinted, but it should not be straight up blood. if you see blood, call your doctor.

the stuff in your drains should, ideally, be see through, but probably with a yellow or orange tint. your body is busy removing excess fluid from the swelling and needs to get rid of this. thats why you have the drains.

to change them you should probably have someone help you. you yourself shouldn’t be lifting your arms and bending them around that much or you’ll stretch out your scars (i did this. i didnt care. if you care about scarring, dont be me). that person will pop off your drain (looks like a little juice pod), empty it, crush it shut to create pressure, and then reattach it shut. this is what creates the suction that draws the yuck out of you.

you inspect the yuck and then flush it down the toilet. if you feel your doctor should see something, take pictures against a white background.

yes sleeping is annoying, but you’ll probably be so exhausted that you’ll sleep anyways. i recommend getting a pillow that props you up so you sleep sitting partways up, or sleep in a recliner if you have one available. if you’re worried about leaking through your bandages, put a towel underneath you.

BUTTON. DOWN. SHIRTS. do not be putting a normal ass t shirt over yourself. buttons or zip ups only. and the less you can wear a shirt at all, the better.

baby wipes. gently wipe around your bandages and in your armpits if possible. you are going to smell bad (like iodine, mostly) and this helps.

[glitchbirds]

currently on day 4 post-top surgery

pain was bad first couple days but has mellowed out to the point where im mostly just uncomfortable, finally. i was a bit in a rush to stop taking the prescribed percocet/oxycodone because i didnt like the side effects, and tried to switch to plain acetaminophen the same day as surgery- horrendous mistake. dont do that. in some ways i felt worse on the first day post-op than i did the day of surgery, because of that. i switched do acetaminophen yesterday afternoon and that was a much better time for it, it definitely doesnt dull the pain As well as percocet but it works well enough

the drains make me deeply paranoid and i haaate that i have to wear them two extra days because my surgeon rescheduled my post-op a week before surgery. theyve consistently only drained small amounts (and less each day) and i keep freaking out over the idea that theyre either clogged somewhere where i cant see/reach, Or that ive accidentally pulled them partially out of place when stripping them as directed

surgical binder is arguably even more annoying to me than the drains- starting on day 3 it started hiking up my chest constantly and putting unnecessary excess pressure on wherever it folded onto. and every time i readjusted it it would just slip back into the wrong place the next time i stood up or sat down. i was finally able to readjust it today in a way that it hasnt gotten messed up again, so thats a relief

for the first couple nights sleeping or even just lying down was fucking horrible. oxycodone would make me drowsy under an hour after taking it, but lying down or sitting back up from a lying down position would cause a sharp pulling feeling in my right side. i used wedge pillows and stacked more pillows on top of that, which sometimes helped but usually just made me sleep fitfully because i was on top of an uneven lumpy pile (oxycodone made that worse- i would get vivid, half-dream half-hallucination visions and sensations and drift in and out of sleep every 5-10 minutes until it wore off). the day after surgery, the first time i tried to sleep in my own bed, i woke up a few hours later to take my next dose of pain meds and the pain from prying myself out of bed was So excruciating that i spent a full half hour sitting on the edge of my bed trying to will myself to lay back down again. i eventually limped my way to the living room couch and fell asleep sitting up with my back leaning on some pillows. i still woke up once or twice an hour that night but had no pain from getting up or lying down. the next night i slept better- woke up even less-, and last night i braved my own bed again and it was nowhere near as painful as that first time… thank god for that

in general i seem to have been more awake/lucid/active than most ppl at this stage of top surgery? esp the first couple days, i spent a lot of time restlessly pacing around the hotel room (and later the apartment). obviously still doing my best to limit upper body movements and not get complacent with my slowly improving range of motion and overextend myself. at least walking around has been good for me in terms of minimizing blood clots in my legs…? and hopefully me being bad at falling asleep hasnt caused any notable issues with the healing process. hopefully.

scotty has been a little angel of a cat, he already is very gentle and avoids stepping on people (and if he does you can barely feel it). binx on the other hand, historically, loves clambering on top of my chest and he has no concept of his own weight and it hurts like hell, so ive been rebuffing his affection a lot the past few days and having to stop him from putting his paws on my chest and climbing on. which he is heartbroken about. absolutely mournful yowling in the halls

oh also my surgeon sent me a bunch of documents with instructions around what to do but the document says that i was given “nipple sparing double incision mastectomy” and the document occasionally mentions nipple care, and i assume this is just like, a generic form and they dont have a specific version of this document for ppl who opt to have nipples removed entirely, but im just gonna say rn if they left nipples on me after the surgeon and multiple other doctors+ nurses asked me directly half an hour before surgery to confirm that i did not want nipples, im going to go fucking crazy. i cant tell through the bandages if i have them or not- i don’t think i feel anything but im reluctant to poke around there too much

[yourfaveisclasspected]

Ya know, everyone sending in fictional characters like Jerma985 and..... What about yours? What is Tumblr user Tacky's classpect and lunar sway

oh god. okay i knew this question was coming eventually. here's the thing- i can classpect others just fine, but when it comes to myself things get... messy. extensive ramblings under cut for those interested.

lunar sway is easy enough, though. i'm the most dersiest derse dreamer to ever dream on derse

EDIT: heads up, the image formatting seems to be broken- the post'll probably be pretty long if you click readmore. just a warning!

the thing with classpecting yourself vs classpecting other people is that, regarding yourself, you have a practically infinite amount of information to work with. i've noticed that a lot of people change their classpects over time, which makes sense; as we change and grow, we learn more about ourselves and our tendencies. for me, the issue is that i tend towards a lot more than 1 or 2 aspects, and that makes things complex.

at some point in time, i've considered an aspect for myself involving heart, mind, void, light, blood, breath, space, and time. on the extended zodiac quiz, i consistently get either light or life. on the classpect quiz, i got page of space???

x

x

^ here are the aspects that haunt me, organized by category.

of course, not all of these aspects are ones i personally agree with. i don't think under any circumstance i would be a life player, i don't have the vibes of a light player (despite my obsession with sburb dynamics), and while in a practical game of sburb i could see myself as a time or space player, i wouldn't be a space player if one was already present.

for time, breath, and mind, these connections are a bit weaker but still definitely ones i mull over a lot. especially time- breath and mind are there because i tend to shadow them a lot, but time exists there as another genuine, distinct possibility. it's not in the 3rd row because (a) thats not how image formatting works on tumblr and (b) those last 3 are. well.

these motherfuckers, man. if i had to pick my big 3, it'd be these.

void is the aspect of my patron troll, as well as how i feel i present outwardly. if someone else were to classpect me, i think they'd give me void, and that wouldn't be *wrong* necessarily.

blood is an aspect i feel linked to in a destructive sense- why i shadow breath. i've always had problems with bonds and relationships. my brain has never fully gotten them, but it continues to obsess over them regardless. i break blood, break bonds a lot. blood on my hands, blood i drew from others. i'm capable of leading, but i only tend to step up as a "last resort" type of thing- if someone else is already doing it, i stay back and keep my head down.

what the hell even is heart exactly? the leijons' version of heart involves shipping, a different type of bond and connection. i'm blind to that type of relationship; i'm aromantic and asexual. i don't "get it". if heart is the self, i have a fragmented understanding of that too, in multiple senses. dirk has a core self, and splinters. "i" am an illusion- the whole glass is broken, but we're gluing it back together and pretending it's one sole thing. a broken glass doesn't have a core piece to center itself around.

i present myself as a heart player on here, mostly because it makes sense; a heart player, analyzing others' hearts, their souls, and giving them a prescription, in a sense. a label. but i don't think i can force a label onto myself. yknow? even after cutting most of them away, there's still too many factors- an excess of void, a lack of bonds, a false identity.

heir of void.

prince of blood.

bard of heart.

there you go. go ahead and pick one! lord knows i can't LMAO

[thewholecrew]

@headstrongblake asked: what makes them the most happy? do they wear jewelry, if so, what’s their staple?? what do they smell like either from their cologne, perfume, shower items, YKNOW?? bedtime/night time routine?? / feeling nosey about the kids

WELL. wow these are some hard hitters. let's see what we can answer. what makes them the most happy? see now thats the deepest question you could have asked. MOST happy? we're gonna answer that one last because i don't think half of my kids know that lol.

do they wear jewelry, if so, what's their staple?

kassy is a jewelry fiend, she lives her life in excess so she's almost always got at least three pairs of every kind of jewelry; necklaces, bracelets, rings, earrings. she always has her nose piercings in; a stud on the left, and a septum piercing she gets later on. she also loves to wear body jewelry around her waist and chest, summer anklets, the girl just loves to decorate herself. i'd say 9/10 times it's gold jewelry. her staple though is probably her huge hoop earrings and millions of rings.

grant doesn't wear any jewelry, he only wears a watch. he probably wouldn't wear any jewelry unless there was sentimental reasons behind it. i think the most he'd wear is a wedding ring and maybe a thin chain/dog tag kind necklace.

alec doesn't wear much jewelry but he does wear chokers and necklaces like that on occasion. he wouldn't mind dressing up / being dressed up in jewelry for a partner or for photos but he think's he far too clumsy to wear necklaces that are long in case they get caught. he's definitely open to more jewelry if friends or partners gift him any and would probably wear them indefinitely. but yeah, alec's staple is just a simple choker, maybe sometimes with a little heart decoration or bell.

rev has their ears pierced, wearing simple diamonds or black triangle studs, and wears a long gold necklace of a crescent moon that they usually tuck under their shirt. but that's about all the jewelry they'll wear on a daily basis. dressing up for specific / fancier events they're interested in ear jewelry that curves around and decorates the whole ear, whether feathers, or a dragon, or fancy designs or it's pointed like elf ears, etc. they also have brass knuckles though they rarely use it.

nate doesn't wear any jewelry. he's not opposed to it, he just prefers to pawn any jewelry he has off for money. he does like the look of a chain though.

what do they smell like either from their cologne, perfume, shower items?

kassy will always smell absolutely delicious, she has an array of flavours but her shower items are heavy with jasmine, vanilla, honey clementine and peaches. she has a perfume she wears occasionally that has a bit of a sandalwood scent to it along with a mix of burbon vanilla. there's also hints of coconut since she moisturizes both her scalp and skin with it.

grant smells like woodland pine which is a cologne he uses. there are however also hints of gunpowder, firewood smoke, whiskey, and blood.

alec tends to love clean, fresh scents and super foamy body wash so he often will smell very fruity. hints of citrus; orange, grapefruit and mango with hints of aloe and lemongrass.

rev probably smells very earthy since they usually spend a lot of time in the forest. moss, rich mulch, pine. very much has that early morning outdoor air type smell clinging to them. along with probably hints of blood and well on the occassion wet dog but, ya know. that's only when they actually are a wet dog.

nate probably smells like a mix of aftershave and a light smelling deoderant of citrus and cedarwood.

bedtime/night time routine??

kassy usually tries to keep her routine consistant and since she's a big skincare girly, she spends time removing her make up, washing her face to her shoulders (because that counts as skincare) with a handful of products, using a face mask as she brushes her teeth. she also will make sure to moisterize before bed each night and occassionally she'll take a bath before bed jsut to unwind and relax.

grant usually will shower before bed if he's been busy, but aside from that nothing out of the ordinary. he'll check the locks, make sure all his dishes are clean and maybe read a bit before sleeping.

alec's night routine is pretty simple as well, he'll wash his face with a few products (picked out by kassy), make sure his plants are watered, brush his teeth, make a tea for his grandma and hop into bed. occassionally his nights will end a little nsfw since he's a horny devil but then he'll sleep like a little angel.

rev tends to go to bed pretty late since as soon as its dark they often like to shift and stay in the forest. chase deer, roll in the dirt, dig holes, simply just be as animalistic as they can. they feel more at peace with their body when in beast form. so sometimes they'll sleep out there like that or change just to throw themselves in bed without much of a routine at all, save that for the morning.

nate doesn't really have an extensive routine, simply just brush his teeth, shower if he needs to, hop into bed in just a pair of briefs and he's good to go. he doesn't really read or anything like that so usually it's right to sleep.

what makes them the most happy?

kassy: feeling needed/wanted, helping those she loves, laying out on a beach, having someone she can casually make out with and who's hair she can play with, sipping drinks and having food served to her. her peace and freedom. real connection and feeling safe around someone who brings colour to her world. making art with or of someone(s) in a bright and sunny room, music playing and silence to idle chichat as they focus.

grant: feeling good enough, casual and soft touches during lazy mornings. creating a family who he loves, who he makes sure knows he loves them. going camping to sight see incredible locations and stargaze. hearing i love you. hearing i'm proud of you. unexpected embraces. no longer needing a second chance.

alec: helping and pleasing and servicing his loved ones. making meals and baked goods for people. being surrounded by flowers; in gardens, in homes, to sell, to grow, to smell, to decorate with. being accepted for who he is. being absolutely destroyed in the bedroom but cared for sweetly afterwards. being in love and all that comes with it; the butterflies, the romantic dates, first kisses, the heartbreak.

rev: being in their wolf form, not having to worry about their gender dysphoria. being with the one person they love. seeing their brother happy. fighting like the bloodthirsty devil they can be.

nate: finding his soulmate. making good friendships where they can be themselves, be silly, lean on one another. being a good husband and dad. making people laugh when times are difficult. live through thrilling experiences, feel the adrenaline of running from the cops after a heist. a late night drive with the windows open whipping down the highway only to pull over miles later to make out in the back seat. being embraced into a group that could feel like family.

[blazehedgehog]

Thoughts on the first Michael Bay Transformers movie? Allways get confused how on the internet everybody hates it while the original cartoon was also just a cheap toy commercial. I get when people complain about a bad adaption of a good work, but transformers is just cool robot action - and thats what we got - cool robot action with cgi thats looks betterr than alot of stuff that comes out today.

I think I've said it before but I think I was too young for a lot of Transformers stuff. It started airing a year after I was born and by the time I was starting to enter its target demographic, the show ended.

I was more about Ghostbusters, Ninja Turtles, Jurassic Park, and Sonic the Hedgehog. Transformers was something my brother had more of a connection with than I did.

The toys were also mega expensive. Truth be told, there was a brief window where I was enamored with some of the Transformers toys. But they were often more than twice the price of, say, a $4 Ninja Turtle action figure. I remember Hasbro or whoever doing some G2 reruns in the mid-to-late 90's and I saved up a whole month's allowance to buy a tiny little Bumblebee for like $9. It was nuts.

So there was a lot going against my ability to care about Transformers as a kid.

With that in mind...

The first Transformers movie is... okay. It's not great. It's got that signature Michael Bay look all over it: high contrast, high color saturation, excessive orange and teal color grading, everybody's always sweaty, it's always night time or sunset, lens flares all the time all over the place, the camera is always too close to everyone at all times, and there's this uncomfortable obsession with "hotties." We gotta have at least one lingering close-up shot of a woman's body framed by the summer heat. For a decade or more every movie this dude made looked like this.

But I don't remember that first movie being unwatchable. It was fine. True enough, the action is a bit incoherent, because it's all whirling chrome and the camera's too close to see what's going on except for a flash of sparks.

I don't like the way the robots look. The original Transformers, at least for me, were already hard enough to draw. For someone who has trouble drawing three dimensional shapes, all these rigid robots that are big rectangles full of hard-edges, it's not easy. But Bay's Transformers are next level impossible. There are thousands of shapes -- maybe even millions. I get wanting them to look like advanced alien technology, but it's sort of a mess.

Later Transformers movies definitely got worse, as they leaned more in to the toyetic qualities of the characters. They kind of wanted to have their cake and eat it too by making something that gestured at still being a kids property while you had weird adult humor and mega violence (it's okay, that decapitated robot wasn't human, and that's not blood, it's cyberton goo).

It's not hard to see things from the perspective of the OG Transformers fans, either. Like, Optimus's lips are a dumb compromise. A lot of it smacks of "what if we took this kids property and made it EPIC and BADASS." I may not have connected much with Transformers media, but that's still more than a little silly in a way that feels degrading for all involved.

"It was always bad, so it's allowed to be bad in a different way" isn't really landing for me as an excuse, either.

But that first movie's still not awful, I guess. It did not necessarily offend me (though later movies did). I just have no desire to rewatch it. Or any of the Transformers movies.

Except... y'know what? That standalone Bumblebee movie was very alright. And it seemed a little more respectful to the source material! Wouldn't mind seeing that one again.

[atvbs]

OK SO. Tokyo ghoul’s story is actually kinda lame imo and the characters are boring BUT. I’m incredibly addicted to the lore. SO. pretty much there are these creatures called ghouls that look identical to humans. However, ghouls can only eat human meat to survive— anything else will make them sick (except coffee, which can be used to stave off hunger, but only the barest bit). Most ghouls are just people trying to live normal lives, but there are some that get a little too carried away and excessively kill humans even when they don’t need to. Thus there is the ccg aka the doves which is a government organization that hunts and kills ghouls. However, ghouls are extremely hardy. Their skin cannot be punctured by blades or bullets, and they have incredibly quick regeneration capabilities, like lizards. They also have these organs called kagune, which can retract in and out of their bodies, and are used to fight and kill. They come in four different types (if you’re interested in more detailed ghoul anatomy I will gladly tell you about it lol), and so what the doves do is when they kill a ghoul they will rip the kagune from their bodies and turn it into a weapon used to fight ghouls, as it’s the only thing that can harm another ghoul. Their regeneration is best after eating, and they can go up to two months without food, their strength slowly dwindling in that time. If they push past this time limit, they will grow weaker, but also lose their self control more and more. The smell of blood can cause a ghoul to lose control at this point. Their eyes will revert to their natural state (red iris black sclera) and it’ll be hard to keep their kagune in. In this state, they could kill and eat anyone, even the people they love. Ghouls love under the guises of normal humans and do everything to keep from being discovered. There’s a lot more to it than this but this is the barest details lmao. Anyway what I’m getting at is. Toya au

HOLY SHIT thats insane but sounds really interesting ?!?!! TBH idk if i could handle watching the anime or reading the manga but in concept thats so metal...

also GUH please elaborate on the au you have i am looking sooo respectfully HUHWAAH (either asks or discord IM LOOKING.)

[tounderstandthesoul]

Chapter 4: The Meeting

Now that Angel is on his way from the train station towards 𝗣𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲, this is where it all really begins…

---

Hello again, Yes, it's been a few days now, but here I am back, with a long chapter. At the moment I'm really trying to decide whether to continue writing The Genius Story or this. This one is more fun because there's still a lot to come. But away from me for now, and have fun with this chapter...

---

The body forms scar tissues to close a wound. Eventually, scars fade. Who knows? With enough time, you might not even remember how you got them.

Angel Pov:

I just did something disgusting... No.... im disgusting

I can still taste the blood in my mouth, and my trousers are a bit wet 'But the walk and being on the run will dry them, what else am I going to do?'

But the hunger...it just hurts so much and I don't know what to do.

It's a long way to Playcare and I'm walking through the dark tunnels of the factory, I can really feel my feet hurting on the tracks so I'd rather walk on the left side of the track for now. So here the staff have travelled to Playcare by train... all together on the train.

It's dark... very dark and I'm not sure if I'm walking in the right direction, but in a couple of hours I should be at the Place 'I hope'.

The employees must not always have travelled so long here with this train thing.

I'm scared

"Life is so fleeting, so fragile. Every breath, I think is my last."

But...There is a light... *Yes* finally a Light its green atleast from what i can tell im going faster. No thats a lie I'm already running there and then I recognise a shape on the wall 'an arrow?' and it points to the right while all the time this tempting light is shining. 'But what if I go straight out?'

No... I think I have to go to the right... so I go right, unfortunately there are no signs here either. I have to make a sharp turn to the right, but as far as I can see 'Not really far' but its as far as i can see right now.

Hm?... The tracks are warm here at the front? Why? The train was missing but all the staff were nevertheless........

With every step I take, the tracks in front of me get warmer, I have the feeling I'm getting close. I almost slip because the tracks are so hot and they suddenly go down into the depths of the underground. That was close, 'I almost fell' why are the tracks falling like this? Is that supposed to drive the train into a wall or is there a reason?

I try not to lean too far forwards as I run down before I fall down here and then Roll down.

What is that?

Oh my goodness

It looks like the train rammed into the station here... There's fire everywhere, and on top of that, there's the excess parts of the coloured train, and the fences on the left and right are already melting because of the fire... But wait a minute, according to Miss Delight, fire only burns when it has air? I can hardly breathe down here all the time?

Did the crash here happen a few hours ago?

No... Impossible, 'I have to look around here' and a door with the red, glowing inscription "EXIT" jumps right into my eye and I instinctively run and stretch my arm out again and land right in front of the door.

"it's not locked...." Strange, normally all the doors in the factory are locked. I don't wait another second and enter the room immediately.

It's only a small room, right next to the door is a hole in the wall with a strange lightning bolt sign, there's a 'locked door?' and a sign on the wall, as if something small had been attached to it. A strong richer comes towards me...

Someone was here

I leave the room immediately... Just thinking about the staff makes me feel sick and I'm already getting a headache. "You're lucky Elliot cares so much about you, otherwise we'd split you into pieces every day and give you to the other experiments for fun." I have to stop thinking about the times 'In the Cage'. I sit down briefly and watch the fire slowly go out on the train.

I think this view is Beautiful, but with the fire going out I can see a little further into the darkness... light!. I immediately get up again and walk a little faster straight ahead. Behind me is still the fire so I can see the further ground a little, I get closer to the light.

It looks like a tunnel, and on the sides there are these lights everywhere... I think the station is on the left.

I'm immediately greeted by a big non-moving Huggy Wuggy stature, 'But why is it grey?' To the left and right are gates you probably have to go through... But something else has my attention right now.

A vending machine with this weird mother toy, labeled "Drinks" is the machine still good?, can I have something...please But because I have no idea, I press the top button straight away. It takes a few seconds, but then a little  voice appears.

"No coin inserted!"

'No' I have to pay for this?

I slowly raise my right arm in front of my eyes, very slowly 'I can do it, I have to'. With my fingers I slowly form little rings 'coins'. But what now? I can't just let my fingers fall off my hand 'can I?'

No, I try to distract myself, I know what i have to do....

I mould my left hand into a pointed shape, as if it were a knife, and slowly rub it over my right hand... 'I have to do this' And with a very quick grind... it is done.

"AHHH damn it...." It hurts, and tears slowly flow out of my Eyes. Its much worse than I imagined. With a thump, the coins fall to the ground, followed by a large amount of blood. I can do this, I just have to concentrate....... 'A New Right Hand' I imagine it...

The soft flesh, the thin skin... the single fingers, 'littered with scars' and then begin to Form it.... After a few seconds I open my eyes. A new right hand, and it looks exactly the same as before...Perfect. I kneel down slowly, to the puddle of blood and my 'coins'.

I slowly pick one of them up and push it into the thin slot of the machine, it takes a few seconds, but then a bottle comes out the bottom. A blue bottle with a picture of Huggy Wuggy, I take it and rip the lid right off. I put the bottle to my mouth, 'and without knowing anything about it, I drink...'

'Water' flows slowly down my dry throat, and for a moment I forget why I'm here, 'or what I'm doing here'. Ah... so refreshing, I feel like I've grown a new skin, 'wait a minute... could I do that?' no the only important thing is to finally have something to drink after weeks.

The bottle is empty very quickly, so I bend down, put it to one side and take another coin from the blood puddle. I insert it straight away and wait a short while, as if the light in my eyes has been completely switched on again. I press it again and wait... 'nothing comes up?'

I bend back down to the blood and take another coin, with fear and confusion I push it back into the opening of the machine, giving it no time and pressing the button for the water again.  'But nothing comes out?!' my heart starts to pound loudly, I press every other button on the vending machine and turn round 'If I don't look at it, maybe something else will come out'. meanwhile I search with my eyes without moving from the spot on the other side for another vending machine... Absolutely nothing.

The only water for weeks and I drink it straight out... 'no...' I don't want to be thirsty and hungry anymore. This feeling that your body is eating itself from the inside and you can't do anything about it. awful

So that means it goes on now... and I thought I could get some kind of supply, 'That's sad' But I really have to go on now, after all, I'm now very close to Playcare at the Huggy statue was a kind of entrance.

Several small passages but with some kind of passages, the moment I want to run against them they start to glow...green.

"Is the power back on?" With my current size I wouldn't have had any problems just walking under it, but well, even better. I have to climb a few stairs again, which immediately reminds me of the pain in my feet and legs 'it has to stop at some point, doesn't it?' But then I see a cardboard cutout. A yellow animal, I don't know exactly because it's already partially covered in dirt.  I press the red button next to it, after all it says "PRESS HERE" with a big arrow pointing to it.

"Hey! I'm KickinChicken! Wanna go outside and hang out?"  'What?' KickinChicken, is that some kind of animal? Chicken was that animal that lays eggs 'wasn't it?'.

"It's lookin' pretty rad outside!" 'Outside?' I've never been outside *or?*. Before I press again, I look around... A big corridor to what looks like a lift, and nothing else... So the lift takes me to Playcare. While thinking, I press the button again, 'there always seems to be something different coming'

"I've... Never been outside before." ? Why, why are you saying that now? I don't understand, my heart starts beating faster and I'm starting to get scared. 'What's next?' but I was too invested in what this cutout had to say.

"Here, follow me. I'll step out first." 'No' I'm not following you, 'I'm Scared' I don't want to push again, but maybe the next statement could be important, but my gut is trying to warn me. But nothing helps as I press the button again....

"AAAAAAAAAAAAA" Out of instinct I jumped backwards like a cat, 'That scream’.... what was that? 'What happened? my heart is pounding very loudly and my head is no better, I knew I should have listened to my conscience. oh god.... why did I only press the Button again... I can barely move, out of Shock I never expected that and it really hit me, those screams 'were they real?

My gut is telling me I need to get out of here fast, really fast. So I walk on into the room with the elevator, as I go in I can already see levers on the left and right far behind. Also, the elevator is not open... I've got it! Pull both levers down at the same time and then they open. I stand straight in front of the elevator and stretch my arms perfectly on the levers, the doors open with a loud squeak 'Done' But that's exactly when I hear...

'The squeak of the Metall Dorway?' I run straight into the elevator, make my body even smaller and hide under the seats in the elevator.

"It smells disgusting all over the place, haven't they ever cleaned down here?" The voice of a woman? 'Impossible'

There are survivors? But every experiment has all employees... No, 'maybe she's not an employee at all, but just down here by mistake?' no why should-

I almost jump out of my hiding place when I hear her loud footsteps, 'she's so close' if she sits down now she'll see m-

Bring-bring! Bring-bring!

"Yes Ollie?" 'I cant really see her face but... 'who is she talking to?'

"No... I’m in the Wagon"

Ah so that's what its called, I thought it was an elevator... woah…It starts to move.

I briefly feel like I'm floating, 'this thing is flying in the air!' I've never felt anything like this, like I eigh absolutely nothing Wow. I wonder if I've lost a lot of weight since the last few weeks, I can already feel my bones, So-

"Yes Ollie I see the domes, Playcare right?"  The dome? since when is Playca-

"When I worked here, I was never down here, but I heard some rumors you know, Unbelievable...they were supposedly taking the experiments from down here every month!"

I try not to make any noise, but I can hear the voice behind the plastic thing she's holding to her ear.

"All the children thought they were going to be adopted..... but in reality they were abducted" Ollie? That's a boy, isn't it? but that he survived ? 'Already twice impossible' The children down here were slaughtered first, damn what nonsense, I don't trust this 'Ollie' . He helps this former employee, and he survived too?

Slowly I can see something out of the window, 'dark walls with cables running everywhere. 'Is this some kind of tunnel?

Then I hear a soft beep and the TV comes on. 'What's coming now?

"Hello my name is Elliot Ludwig, when you look around at the world today what one thing do you think it needs more of?"

"huh?" is the only thing the ex-employee says, but if only she knew what Elliot did to every child in Playcare...

"I asked around once money I never have enough understanding I can never get any faith the common man has lost it. each answer was different and I could perhaps see some little truth in it."

"The truth is not appreciated down here anyway" hah?, says the employee who worked in the whole mess here.

There is a slightly longer pause, no display but the picture changes to a picture of Elliot Ludwig, his face has a weird black block on, so you can't see the face.

"but I think each was also missing something something simple you see not one of them could muster a smile a smile is Hope a smile is love a smile is understanding and there is nothing more gratifying to my soul than being the reason for a child child's smile to be the spark that ignites all their hopes and dreams or it is only through hopes and dreams that we may create a better world one where our children need not be afraid one where they are protected after all this company and its toys are nothing without them these children deserve to smile they deserve to love and they deserve a safe home"

Yes, a safe home and love, there was not a bit of that here. But if only employees can go down here, 'Why is there such a lying video on?'

"I really wouldn't have noticed it Ollie, if I hadn't heard it from my work colleagues, I would never have known what was going on down here"

"Oh you don't have to apologize, you'll be there in a minute, see you soon!"

"hear you soon Ollie!" Why do they have so much energy when they talk? Don't they know they're in a hole with no exit?

"that is why it is with enormous pleasure that as the founder of playtime Co I announce play care our very own onsite orphanage but it's not only that it's a school a playhouse a place to belong our very own ecosystem beneath the surface dedicated in every inch and detail to ensuring a child's smile it's teachers and counselors mothers and fathers until such a time they have all of that in you may play care bring joy inspiration and smiles to all who enter these doors for what gives life its meaning if not a smile"

I hardly listen anymore, after all, the view from the window is far too special for that, it slowly goes into the huge dome, directly through the red opening and then I see it again...

"Playcare"

"hmm? SHIT? What was that?" I didn't even realize that I had said it, now she starts to fidget a bit, I have to be quiet and not look. If she bends down or something.... 'What does she do when she sees me?' 'I wont go back into the cage...*Never*.

I don't dare look up anymore, 'out of fear', but then the wagon stops. The doors open again with a loud screech, she doesn't wait a second and gets straight out.

"Im coming to find you" was the only thing she said before I could no longer see her. I don't move for a few minutes, what if she comes back or just waits for me outside? You've never been able to trust the staff down here, and that's not going to change.

I slowly crawl forward and stand up, I'm already hurting all over again, and now I have to shape myself back? 'That will hurt'. And so I shape myself a little taller than before, about the size of a 13-year-old.

But I have to keep going. I Just have to...

The sight of all the Playcare is making my stomach ache, but this is my last chance, so I have to do it. I can see from a distance how the employee moves into the center, but I know this place better. So I go straight to the Playhouse. There was always food there for us, and everyone had fun together. 'Except me'

"The weird kid with the scars", "Patchface" I just didn't want to be alone What did I do to deserve this? I was born like this, 'and I didn't choose it' and also the Experiments….

But it's not my fault....  I've heard from Miss Delight and her sisters that I "look like I've been stitched up." But it's my fault, damn it.

And now I'm standing here... In front of the locked door of the Playhouse

There is a large lock hanging in front of the door, I bring my hand out and lean towards the lock, the exact setup is actually simple, as long as I shape my hand perfectly and turn it once to the right, it should open. And so I do, once slowly to the right.... click The lock falls down.

I quickly open the door and enter the playhouse.

It's dark... I can't see a thing, and I dont remember it like this. There's a light to my right, but if it's true that CatNap is wandering around here, then I see a much better idea, a Vent. It's not on the wall... My Chance.

But before I get in, I have to get smaller. 'It's starting to hurt too much' but otherwise I can't climb through the vent, so off I go to the big pitch and find food.

The vent is small, 'I can hardly breathe and it smells far too much like blood' I just can't think about it. There's still a long way to go and I'm starting to wonder if I'm in the right place. But then I hear something...

"No, I fell asleep and then Hoppy woke me up here!" The voice sounds familiar, but I can't work out where it's from.

"Yes, but we don't know any better Kickin!" 'Kickin?' like kickinchicken?

I lean my head against the ventilation shaft in front of me and try to hear the voices a little better...

"Hey, calm down, if we keep a clear head and trust in each other, we can do it!" 'huh?' trust? 'don't they understand that they're in the last hole?

"And besides, we all have to work together now, then we can do everything, remember?" That voice again, far too confident and it sounds so open, 'I want to keep listening... No, I want to keep hearing that voice'.

"So in theory, we're in a bloody prison, we were powerless and we just woke up here. I don't see any way, really no way to get out of here."

"There will be a way...." A new voice... It's quiet and I could barely make out where it was coming from.

"Finally you say something CatNap, and then you say such touching words....!" Is the person behind the voice serious? 'Or am I missing something?

"Kickin, stop provoking, you know how it ends!" 'A new voice?' How many people are there?!

They're still talking, but I've never heard of any kind of Prison here at the Playhouse before?

I slowly press my hand against the ventilation vent, take hold of it and gently push it out.

Then I stretch my hand until I can 'lay' it slowly on the floor without making a noise. The vent is on the floor, I'm lucky, if it had been on the ceiling I would have had to jump out like that. I crawl out slowly and approach the voices...

Third person pov:

Angel walks slowly and without making any noise near the cells, but he has already been noticed by one of the critters...

"HEY!" Angel probably didn't realize it but he's close to the cells, they can all see him now. Because there is a light above them. In one cell were Dogday,Bobby,Crafty and Bubba and in the other CatNap,Kickin,Hoppy and Picky. Angel heard the shouting and slowly turned to the cell of group one.

"Yeah right you, hey where are we and.... can you help us?" Angel looked a little startled when he finally got a good look at the people, a dog, a cat, a rabbit, a bear, an elephant, a pig, a unicorn and a chicken? No, which he only realized now because he could hear their voices better and could now see them.

They are female, at least the ones he could see, 'What are they doing here, and why are they locked up?

"What are you doing down here?" The first words Angel shared with them, he probably didn't expect to hear a counterattack right away...

"Are you deaf or just blind Patchface! We're imprisoned here!"

"Hey Kickin don't say that!"

"Yeah, that was really mean!"

Angel hadn't really listened to them anymore 'Patchface' was the only thing that was on his mind. He just stared into space until he heard a voice that calmed him down.

"Hey, we're not here to bother you in any way, but you really need to help us...Angel..."

"Angel...?" Y/N just repeated and didn't know why she called him that, the name sounded so familiar....

"Yes, you're the only one who can help us here... so please...become our angel" Y/N stopped standing around and took a step closer to the voice... She is a Dog, she seems like the sun itself with her smile, even though they are trapped here in nowhere for some unknown reason. And her voice... Let's put it this way, Angel could listen to her for hours, and that's really something special with him.

He doesn't know why but he trusted her directly, even though he didn't even know her name. He walked a little closer to the cell and looked into her bright yellow eyes, he really couldn't look away...

"Are you going to help us or not?" It was that chicken's voice again, she's really mean, Angel thought. Hoppy quickly hits her head with her paw.

"Kickin, he's trying to help us here, so just shut up!" Angel was startled when she got a little louder, only two of the critters noticed, DogDay and CatNap, whose name Angel didn't know yet.

"You're a boy, aren't you?..." The Bunny turned to Angel and just asked into the room...

"I think so..." Angel wasn't sure, but it was probably normal after all the experiments, the bullying and everything else. Despite this, he saw Kickin want to say something again, but then remained quiet.

"My name is Dogday, nice to meet you Angel!" She introduced herself by her name, although Angel hadn't yet made a move to get her out of the cell. 'Optimistic'. But Angel slowly crouched down in front of the large cell lock, you definitely need a key for that.

"We don't know where the Key is..." A new voice, Angel turns around and he only sees the Outline of what looks like a purple cat, this is the first time she speaks, her voice.... Is reassuring like Dogday, but Her voice sounds like Safety...

"I just need to…. understand" Says Angel and continues to look at the Lock. the other critters don't understand what he means, but will definitely see it now.

Angel slowly raises his hand and holds it in front of the lock, all eight critters watch him and wait to see what happens. As if his hand wasn't real, the flesh on it deforms... 'Nowhere else' only in front the hand .... and forms a 'key'.

"Hey wait a M-"

Click

The lock was open and Angel took a step back so that Dogday could slowly open the door and take a look at his hand. It looked like it had been crushed, very bloody but it was the moment that made everything perfect in some sense. She stood in front of him, she was taller by far, but that didn't matter...because in that moment he was her angel.

"Hey us too Dude Come on!" Angel walked over to the other door, crouched briefly in front of the lock, He slowly pushed his blood-smeared and bruised hand into the lock and made a small whine, it hurt. Dogday knew he must be in a lot of pain right now. But she let in his space, because his posture and the fact that he barely spoke, reminded her of CatNap.

Click

Angel stands up again and pulls his Mangled hand out of the lock, but nobody is paying attention to him anymore.

"And I thought we'd never get out of here..." Was the last thing that came from Kickin.

"ah Kickin, sooner or later we would have got out of here one way or another."

"Yes, perhaps in corpses."

After the statement there is silence for the time being, Angel stands there like an idiot, turns round and walks back to the ventilation shaft. But before he can bend down and crawl back into the lock-

"Erm... you wouldn't happen to know a way out of here, would you Angel?"

[chisatowo]

I was gonna do more doodles here but Im tired so

[clouds-rambles]

hello!~ o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

can i request headcanons for kaeya, diluc, childe, and venti on what they would while their s/o dies in their arms? (if thats okay with u <3)

thank u sm! :))

BESTIE THE PAIN I FEEL RN!!! Omw to make hurt some of my faves hope you enjoy <3

Also guys I’ve been here for a day how are there almost 50 of you following?!

Pairings; (Separate) Kaeya, Diluc, Childe, Venti x reader

Warning(s); hurt, big hurty, reader death, vague wound description, cursing, talk about dead bodies

Keep reading under the cut!

Kaeya

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. You were meant to live forever with him. You were supposed to grow old with him and become a parent to your future children. You were-

“Kaeya” you choke out smiling at your partner above you. The man shakes his head mentally pleading with you to not die “Kaeya I will always be on the wind” you tell him, a shaky, bloody hand raised to his cheek to weekly caress it

“Please” he pleads “Please don’t die on me [name]” you smile at him feeling the breaths in your lungs disappear

“I’m sorry Kae--ya” you apologise before passing away in his arms

He doesn’t move for a long time. He doesn’t feel for a long time. The one person he could share his secrets and his love to gone. Away with the wind

Kaeya doesn’t remember the last time he cried, but he’ll remember this one. 

Your beaten, bruised, broken, dead, and beautiful body slumped in his arms as his tears fall from his face as he feels an absence in his heart

How is he supposed to live on if this is the pain he feels right now?

Jean eventually stumbles upon Kaeya out in the wilds, still clutched to your now cold and even more lifeless body

Jean manages to get the man up with your body held close to his chest

“Jean, I can’t, I can’t let them go” he pleads as if he’s waiting for you to simply wake up in his arms

“Kaeya...” Jean says in a concerned tone having never seen him in such a state, even he seemed to quickly recover from his fathers death

Eventually Jean coaxed Kaeya to go back to the city and leave your body in the hands of the sisters. Where they dressed you up and prepared a funeral service for you

The funeral was larger than Kaeya was expecting, you had affected a many more people than he realised from your small jobs around the city. Kaeya can’t help but be awed at how many people you’ve helped while you were in Mond

The usual chatter of Mondstat is quiet and in a time of grieving for about a week or so, many people have wonderful memories of you and Kaeya seems to be collecting them all, that and bunches of flowers. Many of which find themselves laying on your tombstone as Kaeya tells you about his day

A month passes and it seems like everything's back to normal, Kaeya is back to his outgoing self. He spends more nights at the tavern, but even Diluc doesn’t have the heart to cut him off. 

Jean seems to pick up on the smallest things, goddamnit Jean, the extra nights at the tavern, the eyebags, the weeping she can hear from his room. In it’s own right is heart-breaking, the acting Grandmaster cannot imagine what it’s like to be actually experiencing that kind of pain

-

Diluc

No, not like this

You had both decided that night to join each other in your little vigilante escapade. Which was fine you had both done this before, but tonight resulted in something very different

Here you are, head on Dilucs lap. This could be considered romantic, and often was, were it not for the fact you felt like you choked up a mixture of your lung and your bloody supply

“Diluc” you speak with a much worse for wear voice, the red-head looks into your eyes, eyes already gaining moisture. A similar scene has befallen him before, a Diluc knows how this ends

“Please” he pleads his voice wavering “Please don’t leave me” he chokes back a sob and tears fall off his face the salt hitting your own

“I love you so much” you start, Diluc shakes his head. Must you hurt him so with last words? “Don’t blame yourse-” another set of hacking befalls you as you lose more blood

“Please” he pleads again as the grip you had on his arm goes slack indicating your loss of life

Diluc screams, he cries and he hugs you close. He screams into the air of Mondstat until his voice hurts and he cries until all he’s doing is dry sobbing and he holds you close until you’re broken body is pried from his own broken mind

A wondering Jean heard his screams into the night sky and hereby answered them. She never expected to see Diluc, still in his vigilante getup, crying over your body

She calls for more guards who take your body from his and Jean helps Diluc get back to the estate. At one point during the walk Jean can feel DIluc shaking and hyperventilating. So they stand for a moment, Jean holds and comforts the wine-master before they move again

Jean has never seen such emotion from Diluc before, and she wholeheartedly hopes she’ll never have to see it again. Seeing Diluc so raw and rife with emotion is enough to make anyone cry. And Jean nearly did on more than one occasion.

Your funeral is small, much to Dilucs request and really only were attended by the estate and Jean. Diluc didn’t want to cry again in such a large audience

Though the maids often hear pained sobs coming from Dilucs room as he contemplates and often blames himself for what had transpired. Maids daren’t speak up about what they hear though, Diluc’s pain is more than understandable

Diluc throws himself into work opting to man the bar most days of the week and fighting for the city as often as he can. People around him are more than concerned

Diluc’s stoic nature seems to be intensified now, not wanting to let another person in and die in his arms. He’s seen enough death for his life and wishes not to lose more loved ones

Everything seems to have moved back to what life was before you arrived in your life, depressive, monotonous, boring, mundane for the most part and sad. So very sad

He wishes for a day where his heart isn’t strife with grief, but he doubts that day will not be coming anytime soon

-

Childe

You grin up at him, feeling close to naught pain coming from the gaping wound thanks to the excess of adrenaline that’s pumping through your body

“Childe” you say the smile still on your lips in an attempt at not making the situation as dark and horrific as it is. Childe speaks your name in return

“I love you” you tell him mustering the strength to cup the mans cheek, who immediately nuzzles into it. The situation almost doesn’t feel real to him. He’s going to be shaken awake by a very unwounded you in just a moment and inform him he’s having a nightmare

But that moment doesn’t come. Nor do any words come from you. Your slow rhythms of your heart remind you that he’s still got time, but you’ve expended all your energy. Your smile you’re wearing seems to be dropping

“I love you [name], I love you so much, you are everything I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you” he rambles bringing your body to his chest

“Live for--- me” you sputter out into his chest, a dying wish that Childe isn’t too sure he can uphold. Is it really living if he’s an empty vessel.

You go limp in his arms and he can no longer sense your heartbeat. Death had finally laid claim to you

Childe sits with you for hours, you’d expect him to be wailing like a banshee if you knew his personality but that’s rather not the case. Sobbing quietly is a better word for what happens. Most of his sobs and hacks for air are hidden in your hair. He pulled your body to his shoulder just to weep

Eventually he finds himself mustering the courage to walk back to Liyue Harbour. You firmly held in his arms. He knows that if he walks too plainly the Millelith would pry and ask too many questions for his fragile heart to answer

Childe ends up barging into the wangsheng funeral parlour, which surprises Zhongli a little. He’s about to go on a rant to Childe about how he must book an appointment, until he sees your lifeless body in his arms

The funeral is arranged quickly and neatly. There aren’t many people who attend, Childe is okay with that, he secretly wants to see his family and cry on their shoulder a bit

Instead he opts for a letter, which arrives to the family tear stained and lacking the usual penmanship ‘I’m sorry, you won’t be able to see [name] after all. They passed away not too long ago...’ he basically writes your arbitrary in the letter. And his whole heart is in every word he writes

Determined not to let anybody in Childe finds himself in a pattern, when he’s not throwing himself into battles he’s doing paper work or yelling at his subordinates and when he’s not doing that he’s doing his weekly fight with the traveller. Childe gets next to no sleep and instead opts to reading and rereading every letter and note you’ve ever given him

If Childe passes out at his desk nobody bothers him either in fear of getting yelled at by the harbinger or an understanding of losing a loved one

They never said being a harbinger was fulfilling work. Yet, he let himself believe that he could be fulfilled and content with a lover. What a shameful lie

-

Venti

He’s awfully quiet. He hasn’t experienced death in so long. Especially one he thought would be forever.

He couldn’t even get to you to hear your last words. Ironic isn’t it? He hadn’t heard that guys last words either. And yet this pains him so much more

Sure mortal lives are fleeting but he was certain he had more time with you. More time to see you grow old, more time to put off your inevitable mortality. More time to-

He’s hyperventilating, Venti’s body shakes as he finds nothing to ground himself not even the person he loves so dear is there for him. He feels like he could explode, breaths caught in his throat refusing to surface and come up for air. Despite being an immortal archon, the breaths that refuse to surface don’t fail to make him feel like he’s choking

A bard he is. And one that knows every song from the past, present and future. Suddenly the pained songs from the future make sense to him. He knew what was written. A love lost

Suddenly he finds himself crying and hunched over your deceased form making promises to the wind that he’ll never forget you. Much like he’ll ever forget that bard

He isn’t sure how long has passed but he’s still sobbing over your form, there aren’t many tears left for him to cry but he can’t find himself stopping. He feels like they’ll never stop. 

Maybe he could lay beside you and sleep for another thousand years. But that would only delay the inevitable. The inevitable sinking feeling.

Maybe it was his fault for letting himself fall in love with a mortal, but in the moment he could truly see you living life with him. He could see a marriage, children. He wanted you to have it all.

Damn celestia and all things above for not letting you ascend, at least when he inevitably ascends you’ll be there to greet him. Curse that and your mortality

Jean eventually stumbles upon him during a recon mission to find him covering your body in various flowers, a crown made of cecelias don your head. He’s quiet, but he’s saying goodbye. Who would blame him? Jean doesn’t interrupt him and only wishes you a farewell

News of your death spread around town like wildfire, your grave donned with more flowers than Venti can count. He almost feels bad about not doing a public service after seeing how many people are truly in mourning

Diluc doesn’t push Venti to pay his growing tab no matter how much he should. And Diluc doesn’t say no to Venti singing his happy tunes in the tavern

It feels like his life has retuned to normal. Though Jean can’t help but look out the library window to see Venti sat atop his statue with an expression, as Jean can only guess, of sadness.

Venti finds himself going back to an old schedule again but he can’t miss the nagging feeling of somethings missing. The something being you

Sometimes he half expects you to hug him from behind, or join him up at the statue, or kiss him on his nose, or-

Venti can’t quite comprehend how he feels, he just knows there’s a hole in his heart where you belonged. And he doesn’t want to let anyone find their way into there

He doesn’t want to lose again

It’s happened too much

[masterhandss]

Personally I don't see what you see in Geordo. He seems like such a scumbag to me and is the least likable charater in the whole series. He is always trying to get her alone to push her into things of a sexual/ more romantic nature without taking how she really feels into consideration. Like he "really wants her" and thats enough for him without caring what she really wants. Honestly he is the borderline non-con villian in my mind.

I mean, it's okay if you feel like that. To each their own.

Hmmm when I think about Geordo being sexually aggressive towards Katarina, I only really just think of the anime. The manga is a much more moe-fied and toned down version of the novels, and the novels does an okay job at balancing his desires for Katarina in all aspects. I'm not saying he doesn't have that trait in the other two mediums, I just think that they aren't as intense as the anime, so as someone who consumes all three versions I just tilt my head and go "huh." Of course I'm sure there are people who read the manga and novels that still feel uncomfortable about his behavior and that's valid too.

-> light novel spoilers ahead <-

tldr, there is a lot more going on to him than just someone who offers sweet words and questionable invitations to Katarina's ears, this may not be noticeable or acceptable to some people but we get to know more about how he thinks whenever the novels puts us in his point of view. You're free to dislike him as much as you want, but I like him & don't see him as a scumbag; and here's why:

I at least find it okay that Geordo is very serious about his pursuits for her because he is aware that she is dense and will not get it until you spell it in the sky. Everyone is just walking eggshells around Katarina hoping that the girl would just develop feelings for one of them to win the harem olympics. He knows that being dealt with a good card isn't enough, so he's actively taking action in order to win her heart. I mean I don't always agree with his methods either, like the "fait accompli" line or constantly inviting her to his room alone, but really, how much of that is something he really means to do vs how much of that is his excessive flirting + our minds assuming that he really means to claim her in that way?

Lines like that are really popular with japanese fans because it makes Geordo look "sexy" and "forward", which they enjoy in their fictional stories. He knows that his position gives him an advantage so he'll try to play his cards right and use it to increase his chances in victory.

It actually reminds me of a scene from the Hamefura StoryMe game, (don't really know how canon it is but I remember the JP ver. was advertised by @/hamhura) where Geordo indirectly asked Katarina how to woo a girl he really likes, and Katarina thinking he was referring to Maria, gives all the things he usually does in order to win her heart (visit her home, give her gift, dance with her in parties, be really forward about your feelings etc). I'm not saying Katarina approves of the ways Geordo attempts to win her heart, but there's some hilarity in knowing that Geordo already had and is constantly trying all the known ways to win over a girl in the world from a young age, and still has nothing to show for it. Like no awareness, much less any *feelings* lmao. So trying to make it obvious that he is interested in her romantically and sexually seems like the next logical step to him. I mean if you go by Geordo's logic and considering the time period this takes place in, he's pretty confident that he can get Katarina to love him back and they are engaged anyways so in his head he's in safe waters to attempt to make teases about such advancements if it gives him the smallest chance that Katarina would become at least aware of him through it.

Of course I know that stuff like that won't fly here in the real world, but maybe that's why I'm so lenient personally when it comes to his (debatably) sexual teases and advances, because it's a fictional story for a japanese audience. Doesn't mean I would approve any advances like that if it happens to me, it's just that it's hard to take his actions seriously when Katarina or the story doesn't take them seriously. Like, the girl would be pushed down to a bed by RufuSora and gives her a hickey and she still thinks the man is out for her blood.

He wouldn't even be entirely wrong, knowing the identities of the characters who Katarina knows has romantic interest in her in the novels, actions does speak louder than words when it comes to her. Like I said, whether or not Geordo really means what he says when the story teases the readers with sexual implications in his words and action depends on the reader in my opinion. They are there, I wont pretend they don't but I'd argue about the level of intent depending on what scene you're talking about.

The only scenes on the top of my head where he is very abrasive towards Katarina is the "fait accompli" scene, the Book scene form the anime (S1 EP8), saying he wants to lock her in his room (LN6) and the multiple times Geordo had invited her in his room at night alone (LN6 and LN8, i think).

I've already explained why I am okay with both Keith and Geordo's Book scenes from episode 8 of the first season because they are accurate representations of an exaggerated and unhinged versions of their desires towards Katarina so I won't bore you with those details again.

He mentioned in Volume 6 that he wants to lock Katarina in his room forever and keep her light to himself, which alarmed a few people when the book came out, but he said that in a moment where he feels super grateful and loving towards her because she knew how tired he was despite his fake face and without even saying anything. It was a moment where he felt so infatuated towards her that he wished the moment where he gets to rest in her arms would last forever, thus he made such a comment. I make it sound more dramatic than it was in Volume 6, it was just a quick comment honestly lmao.

For people who don't read the novels, that last part looks very sus and raises a few red flags I know, but to be fair we can't definitively say what his intentions are because Katarina never commits to those visits. Katarina has actually become wary of those invitations, because Keith and Mary have warned her that Geordo's intentions are sexual, but I'm not really trusting the word of the two people who are most distrustful and antagonistic to Geordo. They could be right, of course, but who can really say? We assume that they are correct because they care about Katarina and are wary of Geordo, but hamefura('s novels) is full of unreliable narrators anyways, it's not like Keith or Mary would consider the possibility of it being anything else because when it comes to the third prince they always fear the worst case scenario.

If you think about it, Geordo is probably aware that winning her over with a "fait accompli" won't work at all because it'll put him in a position that will make other people push him for the throne (which he doesn't want) or could ruin his reputation in high society if Katarina or her family react to it negatively. I'm not Geordo though, so I can't really say if he even have such fears and doubts in the first place, that's just my assessment based on the obstacles he has. On the outside he is really sure of himself and confident (which he arguably deserves) and on the inside he is very careful and insecure when it comes to Katarina.

Also like, spoilers but for someone who is very forward when it comes to his physical advances, Geordo is super weak when he is in the receiving end of those touches. He gets super embarrassed and easily flustered when its Katarina who is touching him, as if implying that to some extent that he's all just talk lmao.

I don't really agree that Geordo doesn't care about what Katarina feels at all, in fact his inner dilemma in the novels is that he doesn't know what to do because in every step he takes he might do something that could ruin his image in Katarina's eyes, be it pursuing or abandoning the throne or looking like a monster in front of her. He even halts his plans to make advances towards her during the Keith Kidnapping Arc, but threw it away because he knows how much finding Keith means to Katarina. He puts what Katarina want and doesn't want as his priority, so when what she feels is unclear that's when he acts on his own intuition. The only reason Geordo feels so confident to advance towards her sexually is because Katarina never rejected him before (because she doesn't know what they mean, and all of this is for the sake of simply making her aware in the first place)

I'm not trying to make anyone think that one has to read all the books in order to understand him, I think the manga does okay at conveying his feelings too. The anime really prioritizes on making him look "sexy" for the japanese female audience, so anything he does is sprinkled with spice whether we like it or not.

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm overanalyzing all his actions just to justify them, everyone has the right to be uncomfortable with his advances if it seems too much for you. It's just that his actions, while over the top and unnecessary, are done to please the type of audience that hamefura caters to, and it's hard to take him completely seriously when the story doesn't either in my opinion. Doesn't mean he's right or that any of it is okay, but it's his method of trying to put a dent on Katarina's bakashield. When you're in a race versus your friends who Katarina all loves equally, he's gonna use whatever card he can get in order to win.

I like Geordo; I like how much of his feelings for Katarina forces him to reexamine himself and realize that he isn't a perfect prince at all, that he has lots of problems and flaws that he needs to work out in order to be someone worthy of her. I like the way he falls more and more in love with her in every interaction they have because he finally gets to have a genuinely and caring interaction with someone. I like how Geordo wants to do better and be better for Katarina and the people around him, and he wants to be able to thank Katarina directly for that through being able to show his love. I like that despite how much of a chad he acts in front of her, he's a blushing mess at the thought of Katarina returning his feelings. I find it funny when his "sexual advances" fails and gets thwarted because he's trying them on the densest person and most protected lady to ever live. I like how Geordo is so head-over-heals in love with her and how much comfort and warmth she brings to him by simply being her caring and bubbly self.

I guess it's just a matter of different perspectives. If you find him unlikeable or a villain, then you do you. I try to explain why I personally excuse his actions, but I know it wont fly with everyone. We all see each character differently and absorb the material in different ways. In fact it's probably a bad idea for me to defend him with material that isn't the anime nor manga yet lmao. I mean I'm not that much of a fan of Mary anymore, and I'm kinda scared and wary of her, but I know people don't see her the way I do and I'm okay with that.

Maybe its just me, who is the kind of person who just goes with the flow and doesn't think too hard because it's all fiction anyways

It's hard to tell all this from simply watching the anime, so I laid all my feelings down in hopes that someone out there would understand why I like him so much.

Thank you for the ask, you can ask more questions or call me out if I said anything insensitive or wrong, I know a lot of this is me overanalyzing things which might look like I'm jus stretching. As someone who is aware of the things to come in Hamefura X, I can say that I am both excited and nervous as to how everyone will react for the direction of Geordo's character.

[mmmonie]

Hi my other post? Got notes? And I already had this basically ready to go so………….? Here it is I guess! Also I’m so sorry for how long this is LOL…..I am incapable of shutting up once I get going so it’s under the read more for you…….(also?? thank you? for the followers uhm cheesed to meet you? 😳 lol)

This is basically what I imagine the manifestation of a demon's powers to be like??? I called it the “juvenile phase” in my other post so thats what im going with lol

Here’s some things I said in my first post that are relevant here, slightly edited. (I elaborate more on the different ways demons are born in that post and I think they’re pretty self explanatory, but u might wanna go read it just in case it’s not clear enough 😔 sorry): (link to first post)

* Demons have multiple forms, not just the two shown in game. All in all the brothers have 5, each becoming less and less humanoid. (Most demons only have 4) 

* Half/human born demons are more likely to have both a tail and wings in their first demonic form. Stronger demons like the brothers are merely showing off the strongest of the two, but everyone has both. (Again bc I think they’re sick as fuck lol) This is why the stereotypical devil in our world has both wings and a tail. 

*a demon's features can be influenced by what sin they are, but it’s not a hard or fast rule.**

***this does not apply to little Ds whose look is entirely dependent on their sin. They are an entirely separate conversation 😈 (I elaborate on this briefly at the very end LOL) 

* half/human born demons can have two sins assigned to them, though this makes them less powerful in both. Usually there is a more prominent sin. 

*It should also be noted fallen angels do not have a juvenile phase. While the powers they develop after the Fall are different, they already come prepared, having had intense restraint implemented in their training in the celestial realm. The only things they develop are tails and horns, which happens very quickly during the Fall. They still have the same instincts as demons lol they are just much better at maintaining control. 

*another note: I’m gonna use acronyms for our different types of demons after a while to save me some headache. They’re pretty self explanatory (Ex: half demon = HD) 

With that let’s begin, shall we? 

~~~

*All demons are born with innate magical abilities, the juvenile phase is just the manifestation of their sins and some of their power. Some powers do not come into fruition until much later in a demon's lifespan. (Will elaborate later) 

*They won’t have a complete hold on their powers after this either, it’s just like. The bare minimum of getting a grip so they don’t cause immediate damage LOL they have many years to get into the nuances. Magic to demons is about as easy as breathing, but it still comes with its own challenges. 

*Many of the powers that manifest are shaped by what kind of sin(s) they display. I’m gonna say the sin(s) developed depend on the individual rather than it being hereditary. Though there are powers that are inherent to all demons. (i.e. hypnotizing humans like in lesson 11-14)

*The beginning of the juvenile phase starts when a demon develops their horns, wings, claws and tails. 

*For almost every demon, the juvenile phase lasts about two or three weeks. A human born’s phase will immediately kick in the day after their ceremony. Because of a half demon’s heritage, their transition is delayed and will usually happen around “middle school” age. (However many thousands of years that is lol. Also imagine going through puberty AND growing a bunch of extra shit.........smh.) 

*Natural demons have it slightly easier, they go through this phase very early (around toddler age). They develop the nubs of their horns, wings and tail a while after they’re born. 

*However this is NOT easier for whoever is taking care of them. Demons that develop later are mostly self-sufficient, meaning you can leave them to rest a bit. Can't leave a baby alone for very long though, can you? Especially not when they’re hurtling objects around with their mind, or causing things to spontaneously combust. (Also imagine a regular baby during their teething phase……….now imagine a baby’s teething phase being ten times more itchy AND manifesting new powers. Congratulations on your very cranky and powerful baby, best of luck to you.)

*Parents take this in stride as it’s just how demon babies are. It is all very Addams family esque…. like awwww, our baby just tried to induce horrific hallucinations of our own deaths!!! 🥺🥰🤧 they grow up so fast!!!!

*HB and HD wings and things grow in very quickly. The nubs will sprout from the skin and then mature into wings and horns in just a few days. ND transitions are much more drawn out, taking about a week to complete. All the growth is very itchy for everyone though. 

*You know when you have an itch that just won’t quit or that you can’t reach, so you have to use some outside force to get some relief? Same concept here. Much like deer and their antlers, demons rub their horns and wings up against things to get to those spots they can’t get to themselves. It also has the added effect of encouraging growth and getting excess skin/keratin off them. Family members often help with preening and scratching. 

*There are special concoctions/spells to make the process easier and to help ease the itchiness. As well as products made for specific purposes, like to get at that space where your wings meet your shoulders lol 

*There are also things to pad horns. Having your baby demon impale your shins is no fun. Neither is having your best friend accidentally get stuck in the cabinet because their horns went through the shelf. 

*The first week and a half is usually when a demon is most active. They are encouraged to play fight, stretch their new wings and become familiar with their new instincts. 

•Play fighting is a way to help learn to readjust to their new strength. (and thank god demons are near impossible to kill lol they can get VERY rough.) It’s also considered a bonding activity. 

*Hunting instincts also come into play so it’s not uncommon to see a demon in their juvenile phase playing a really fucked up game of hide and seek with their loved ones (no one gets hurt. Probably <3) 

*These two skills also help with learning how to fly. A game of fucked up hide and seek in the forest is both fun and educational. 

*This is very much like when puppies' paws are too big for they got damn them, except y'know. with horns and claws. So expect some accidental scrapes and

*This is also usually the time where their sin(s) will manifest, along with their new powers. At this point this is where family comes in, as a newly developing demon is reliant on everyone around them to help them learn how to control their strength/powers. Taking care of a demon in their juvenile phase is a family bonding activity, and even those who are prone to being cold are a bit softer during this time. (A reminder that family can be anyone, not just blood related.) 

*The second half of their transition is more about conserving energy for the introduction of their final form.  

*Nesting instincts kick in and are important here, because any nest created will be that demon's home for a period of time. They won’t stray very far from wherever they’ve chosen to stay. Nearly all demons will just choose a comfortable place in their home to nest, however, some demons (i.e. demons like Levi) need a special place because of their final forms. They will be drawn there instinctively.

*A nest is just composed of soft material and sometimes extra objects. For example a greed demon might want shiny or precious objects around their nest. 

*This will also be the home of the loved one(s) taking care of their demon. They will go out and find anything the other one might need or want. A demon will only choose one or two others to take care of them at this time. Other family members are allowed to visit, but the chosen demon(s) stay with their struggling one for nearly the entire last half of this period. 

*It’s considered an honor to be chosen and it is a bragging point, especially if you have been chosen multiple times. 

*Despite what you might think, parental/domestic skills are very important to demons. They live a very long time, and it be a waste to treat their spawn poorly. They’re stuck with them for nearly an eternity, so you might as well try to do your best with them. Being able to showcase being chosen to whomever your courting is, how you say.............a little sexy. So being chosen multiple times? “Wow you’d be a great parent? Tell me more…..😳” 

*Demons will slowly spend more and more time in their nest as they approach the end of their phase. Growing extra things takes a lot of energy! Many demons end up mostly sleeping for the last couple days in preparation for the end. 

*Since they are so sleepy, this is the most outwardly cuddly most demons will be. Close family members are encouraged to come stay in the same space for a while. The demon will often be asleep, but waking up and playing games with them is a great way to bond. If you’re REALLY special you might end up being allowed to sleep in their nest for a bit. 

*The juvenile phase culminates when the demon reaches their final form (usually the fourth one.) Over this last half, they slowly grow more monstrous features. Scales, fur, claws, eyes, teeth, spines.........the whole lot! Anything and everything you can imagine. Each demon's final form is unique, though they do not get a decision as to what features they have. Final forms tend to be very large. 

*This is where they are taught how to use their glamor and how to piece themselves back into a form that’s easier to maneuver. Think of it like starting from the top and working your way down. 

*There are demons whose job it is to go mark down the details of every single final form. Things like what powers manifested, to how tall they are, their overall physical strength and what sin(s) they portray, etc. They are all recorded in the royal archives. It’s a bit like a right of passage, especially for younger demons and their parents. 

*Going back to the very top, some powers won’t manifest until after the juvenile phase. Some won’t even manifest until the demon has hit sexual maturity (which takes a MUCH longer time for demons.) This is true of almost every power that Lust develops except for perhaps an increase in their charisma/ability to charm. Demons who are assigned Lust are considered the late bloomers of the demonic world, as almost all other sins manifest more power right away. 

*Also relating to the top of this post: the reason Little Ds looks are biased on what sin they are is because they are pure concentrated forms of sin given life. They’re extracted from the souls of humans who committed sin, and used for grunt work/errand running. They develop their own personalities as they go, but it takes a bit so they’re kind of a blank slate until then.

~~~

I was gonna be like oh treat for you here’s how the brothers dealt with Satan and his juvenile phase but this is long as FUCK already so I will make…...a separate post. Edit: SURPRISE! treat for u! heres the link if u want

Thanks for reading! Until next time ig?