#not in a prove youre a real music fan kind of way more just making conversation i just thought it was funny

[anotherpapercut]

I went to a show tonight and decided to get a CD from one of the bands and the guy asked me if I actually listen to CDs or just collect them lol

[sl4sh3rsub]

patrick bateman hcs (nsfw: mdni)

patrick bateman x reader (AFAB, AMAB, FtM, MtF)

warnings: overall pretty toxic, homophobic and misogynistic, there's a lot of infidelity/cheating and drug usage/alcohol too. there is also shaming of sex work - this is purely fictional and i do not condone this behavior in real life. i wrote in these elements because they appear in the original source material, not because i hold these opinions/views. mentions of extreme kink/fetish (knife play, blood play), p in v + anal (all unprotected - pls stay safe irl), oral sex (giving + receiving), handjobs, cockwarming, implied dom/sub dynamics (patrick is a top + sugar daddy/dom/slight sadist + is entitled, reader is more submissive + sweet), lots of cum + precum/arousal, reader sometimes treated as sex object, marking (bruises, bite marks, hickeys etc.), dubious consent? (overstimulation, he can be manipulative, reader flashes someone in afab section), reference to past rough sexual encounters, lots of sexual tension, patrick is sociopathic(?) + gets hard a lot + is possessive/slightly domestic but still rough, canon colleagues (schrödinger's judgement + they're horny), nipple play, voice kink/voicemail sex, threats/mentions of canon (?) violence (not towards reader), exhibitionism + public settings, consensual filming of sexual acts, gun play/fear play, cigar gets extinguished on reader (research risks properly before trying irl, please stay safe), hired sex worker, mentions of surgery in ftm + mtf sections, rip jean + evelyn's emotions

a/n: i'm a massive fan of the broadway musical (bootleg available on youtube) and i've seen the film twice, but i still need to read the book!! i've listened to this youtube audiobook (ai voice patrick reading it - part one) and it kinda goes hard. anyway, peeb ateman is soft with reader in this one, so it could potentially be a little ooc.

order: general hcs first then amab + afab then ftm + mtf, different sections = different content n tried not to repeat much

_ _ _ _ _

general hcs

patrick is already engaged to evelyn when he meets you. he's very well aware that she's seeing timothy price, so he might as well have his own fun - divorce isn't in fashion this year, so being prepared for that potential outcome might turn some heads and patrick hates judgmental attention

if you're already in a relationship with someone, he'll whisk you away immediately. you deserve so much better than some chump who can't afford to spoil you, he'll prove his superiority with his shiny silver card

show him genuine affection and take interest in his music taste!! if you listen to him and take time out of your day to participate in conversation, he'll abruptly stop mid-sentence to process that you're invested in his recap of his day :( you'll have no issues with him from then out - you respect him and he'll respect you. he's quietly thankful for how kind you are to him

if patrick has a yearning to dabble in a certain kink or fetish - such as knife play or extreme blood play - that you're not willing to participate in, he'll just find someone who can satiate his needs temporarily. no harm done, patrick just wants to make sure he's not taking complete advantage of you - he'll pay for you to have a delicious dinner and fancy hotel for the night, don't worry. he still wants to take care of you and reassure you that no one is taking your place, and that you'll still have him in the morning... he just needs to let out his extreme urges throughout the night

his way of showing affection is brushing his nose against you, whether it be your temple, ear or cheek as he whispers sweet nothings to you. he longs for subtle contact and the gentle warmth of your skin. he's also addicted to burying his face in your neck or pressing his lips against your crown when he fucks you from behind or squirming in his lap, the small puffs of hot air tickling your flushed skin and his lidded eyes rolling at your scent

he digs his fingers into your lower tummy while he fucks you, feeling his cock ram deep inside you - he's shamelessly using you as his own fucktoy, massaging his length to get himself off. the extra pressure against his tip has him shuddering at the delicious sensation

yeah sure, patrick might be a weirdo and a loser but he can fuck you like he loves you (maybe he does) and spare cash to dry-clean your cum off his expensive suits... fair trade, no?

he practically becomes your sugar daddy - you're his personal doll to dress, provide for and parade around proudly. he wouldn't trade the satisfied glint in your eyes, or the rhythm of your glistening arousal dripping on his wood paneled floors for anything. after a long day of spoiling you, he becomes a little selfish in the bedroom and chases his high with no regard for how overstimulated you might get :(

he is obsessed with dressing you to match his personal perception of you - that is to say, have you dressed in a manner that would make atheists reconsider and have the faithful herald you as their new deity. he wants to ensure that everyone know why he worships you the way he does. even if you don't feel confident in your skin, he quietly reassures you that your bashfulness only adds to your charm

you're his personal model and his precious doll - plaything, if you will. after you return to his place from perusing the designer shops, he lounges back with a whiskey in hand and patiently watches you show off your latest purchases on his card. he'll ask you to spin or swap shoes to match the outfit every so often, even asking you to bend down towards him just so he can adjust your collar or hairstyle. if he gets taken aback by how stunning you look in a certain outfit, expect him to get carried away and start panic rambling - he'll explain the specifics of the material, cut or brand as his fingers roam your body with devotion and his eyes greedily drink you in. his voice gets progressively huskier throughout the show until he gets to the expensive undergarments hidden in matte bags and tissue paper - he fucks you in front of the mirror, reveling in the way the material hugs your skin and how your skin shifts as your muscles clench with every thrust

after he warmed up to you, patrick slowly realized how emotionally taxing your early encounters were on you and that you were left feeling used and roughed up afterwards. if he still makes you feel that way after he first admits his affection, definitely let him know - he might want to leave physical marks on you that linger for a week or so after, but emotional damage is the last thing he wants marring your relationship

something that resembles quiet devotion lingers in his gaze, the glint of chandeliers flashing as he quickly shakes his head and denies he was ever staring :( sure, you might not be the stereotypical 'hardbody', but you're more worth his time than all of the other whores that his cock stirs for - you're leagues better than the sluts turning tricks and actually deserve a place in his home, his bed, unlike the simple chicks he picks up from clubs. he actually respects you (though, not enough to acknowledge your independence away from him) and his silent approval - pride, even - of your actions sometimes slips through his mask

whenever you're in the room with him, there is an invisible yet tangible tension that tugs you together. the warm, compressing feeling always hones your vision onto patrick - it drowns out all of the noises and movement around you, grounding you in the all-consuming gaze of your lover. his eyes snap to yours whenever you enter the room and he instinctively feels a bulge growing in his slacks, his pupils dilating as his tongue darts out to dampen his lips. no polite conversation or mundane styling drivel is worth his time when you are in his field of view

patrick genuinely feels his blood thunder in his ears whenever the men at the table make snide remarks about your appearance or belittle you. he is absolutely disgusted at their attitudes and lack of understanding - you are his darling and you deserve to be treated as his equal, at a minimum. however, if the table murmurs about how sexy you look, he's more than willing to show you off a bit - he's proud of what's his, obviously! just don't let the boys get too bold with their 'polite' touches or they won't have fingers in the morning :<

he'll buy you a ring. not to propose, oh god no - he doesn't want to do the whole evelyn debacle again. patrick wants to simply state his territory and claim so that others would be less inclined to approach you (plus, it helps that he doesn't have to vividly daydream about it anymore - it saves brain power)

if he rushes home with dirty, damp gloves and a missing button on his overcoat, he'll forever be indebted to you if you pour him a stiff drink and prepare to call jean to postpone all events the next day

your head gets all fuzzy when his tongue drags along the line of your collarbone and his soft lips ghost down your chest - circling your nipple and threatening you with the edge of his teeth makes the edge of his mouth twist into a smirk. if you meet his gaze, his lidded eyes give away how content he is in this position, with you on top of his lap. his lips sheened with spit and your buttoned shirt yanked open make for an arousing sight

patrick is a big fan of smoking his cigars while you sloppily take his cock down your throat - he gets some sadistic pleasure from putting them out on your spit-soaked thighs, the drool hissing under the scorching heat. it's coincidentally also one of his favourite things to reminisce, running his fingers over your thighs while replaying those memories during boring social events. the scent of his expensive smoke, wafting around him in a saloon, has him drifting back to the sight of his hefty cock resting on your face - the length throbbing with every heartbeat, pearls of salty precum seeping into your soft skin and trailing in thin rivulets down the contours of cheekbone

he is a fan of sneaking a dab of his yves saint lauren perfume onto all of your formal wear, a little mark of him and something to keep you company whenever you're out at functions he's not attending

he drags you out to clubs just to dress you up and show you off under the bright, colourful flashing lights. you have his eye the entire time you're feeling yourself on the dance floor, tempting him your sensual movements from across the room - don't expect him to act on it immediately though, he's more than content to hold your gaze and sip his glass from the bar. if some sleaze dares to get handsy with you, he'll step in and guide you towards the bathroom as his fingers glide down to your lower back - he needs a bump to loosen up and not hurt every single chump eyeing you up. you're his plaything, after all.

if you spend a night at patrick's place, he'll secretly love taking showers with you - only because you help him rub in his cleansers and soaps into his skin, no other reason. certainly not that your devoted, admiring gaze make him flush and whisper his timid thanks under the steady stream of water, the noise lost in the pounding around your ears. ignore his building arousal, it'll stay there and grow even harder when he pleasures you with his tongue on the counter of his stainless-steel kitchen. you're the only one he'll kneel for, and you bet that there's a steamed-up outline of your ass on the countertop when he's done :3

despite his incessant need to fit in, he's never going to blend in while you remain by his side. you bring out that rare smile of his and that soft chuckle in public settings. you far outshine all the other, dull plus-ones at the dinner parties

you are patrick's trump card - everyone he knows either wants to be you or fuck you, they'll do anything to impress (especially if there's false hope of ending the night in bed with one or both of you)

if you're confident enough, you could be his personal little pornstar!! it makes you so giddy, the knowledge that he could show the snippets of the videos to his coworkers (who dream about getting you naked) and make them jealous of the fact that you've cum numerous times with patrick's name on your lips. the video is recorded on the best equipment of course - he can't have you on video while looking anything less than godlike on camera

he orders your favourite dishes at every restaurant, combs and brushes out your hair when you arrive at his apartment, then fucks you roughly while whispering how thankful he is for you. his babbling pleas for you to stay and praise of your existence echo in your mind for hours after, especially as he rests next to you with steady breathing

patrick leaves hickeys and bite marks all over you and while he might apologise while handing you anti-bruise supplements, know that his mind's eye is stuck on the sigh of your skin blossoming under his lips - specifically, the feeling of his teething nipping your skin and the small hum of satisfaction as he pulls away to inspect his work. if you've been good lately, he'll let you leave a hickey or mark on his chest - it's only fair after he leaves you bruised and aching in his arms the next morning :( if you've behaved to his liking, he'll share some of his japanese pear and kiwi for breakfast. you need some sugar to recoup anyway

if he's been snappy or pent up all day, he'll guilt you into taking him with minimal prep - he will snap and go feral if he's had to rein it in at work, plus the stretch feels heavenly around his thick cock

patrick had once ordered a prostitute for the two of you to experiment with - making sure they were a fair balance between your ideal types, bodywise. this plan went a little off script after the foreplay when you and patrick ended up exploring your exhibitionist sides, passionately kissing and languidly exploring each other's bodies while the hire slowly touched themselves at the sight. that precious hour or so was the easiest pay that person had ever made (you and patrick were far from unattractive), plus that champagne that you poured out was heavenly

patrick has you suck him off during skincare routines in the morning and evening, making sure to cum all down your throat. he insists it's good protein for you!! kneeling in front of the bathroom countertop has become second nature to you, the divine sight of your rugged lover above you routinely making you feel at ease

you had better be friends with his secretary jean because you'll see her a lot. if she gets jealous and her failed attempts at sleeping with him affect her capabilities, patrick will simply hire a different secretary. sure, he'll love to flaunt you and taunt them about how they aren't fucking either of you, but that's just part of his fun. he might use the empty threat of fucking you in front of the secretary as a way to keep you from acting out, but he's too possessive to have someone in a different tax bracket see you laid bare

get him spa day gift cards!! you can both spend time in private saunas or pools simply enjoying each other's presence and use the time to caress each other's bodies. use the opportunity to get a full body massage - when patrick has had a rough week, you're more than likely going to end up with a couple bruises and a few sore muscles

while he's never been the most domestic man, the image of you flitting back and forth in his pristine kitchen flicks a switch in patrick's brain. your earnest efforts of making him his breakfast bran muffins and churning his apple butter has him daydreaming of keeping you in his apartment like a pet - at his beck and call constantly, dusting his expensive furniture and preparing his meals whenever he comes home... not to mention how you'd willingly bend over or drop to your knees in a heartbeat if he so desired

if patrick is riding an adrenaline (or cocaine) high when he returns to you, be very careful and tread lightly. he may have an itch to clean his axe or handguns, polishing them until the late hours of the night. when he's in a jittery and frantic state, he isn't above having you spread out on his polished floor as something nice to look at while assembling the firearms, and he's certainly not against fucking you roughly while holding the gun to your head or body. he's even aroused by the though of you sucking off his uzi, spit-slicked metal knocking your teeth as your glistening eyes widen in fear

when you sleep next to him, he might jolt awake at night before realizing your shifting movements pose no threat to him, especially when you're locked into his arms with your soft breath brushing against his skin. when he gazes at you in these dimly lit moments, his mask slips until he feels a semblance of happiness - there's no discomfort, jealousy or boredom, he's content with you against him like this. after a long while of his breathing filling the dark room, his mind forces his walls back up and reverts him back to his usual self just as he drifts to sleep. no one can ever see him like that, see what your presence does to him... not even you

he has a penchant for fucking you infront of his toshiba 30-inch television, a porno tape or horror movie often playing. he loves the way screams - either of ecstasy or pain - fill his ears as you moan beneath him, the colours of the screen dancing on your skin. his cock always pulses just that little bit more whenever you bite his thumb and take his dick deep inside you as the film plays in the background. red is suck a sexual and raw colour after all, why not have the bright screen fill your vision as you cum on his cock? the vibrance drowns out all other stimuli, forcing you to focus on his presence in and around you

imagine the shock on evelyn's face when she shows up unannounced at patrick's place one late afternoon- he's swaying to heuy louis and the news, hands on your hips as you giggle and pour him a glass. his silk shirt loosely buttoned just covers your modesty as he soothingly rubs circles on your thigh, soft grin fading as his gaze frosts over at the sight of his betrothed. she sniffs, scandalized at the sight infront of her, and tells patrick to not bother contacting her - tim price's phone will be unplugged the moment she arrives at his place. to be honest, patrick could not care less. you're in his arms and he knows for a fact that evelyn will be over it soon - if not, there's a more suitable marriage candidate right in front of him. if you feel bad or guilty after evelyn leaves, patrick will do his best with his hands, thick cock, tongue and credit card to soothe your worries

expect patrick to leave desperate and vaguely threatening voice mail messages - his heavy, stuttered breaths echoing in your ears as the slick sounds in the background get you more and more worked up. the depraved ramblings deepen and get hoarser with each passing minute, so you'd better pray jean doesn't walk in - she isn't worthy of seeing him in such a disheveled and flushed state

_ _ _ _ _

amab hcs

luis is the most understanding of patrick's work bunch - he isn't shy to defend you and be seen in public as your friend, once you are comfortable telling him your secret of course. just make sure everyone knows you're not a part of that yale thing and you'll be fine

although he isn't keen on being open about his relationship with you - for fear of his colleagues and fellow acquaintances of wall street making derogatory comments towards him, or worse, you - majority of the men already have some closeted urge to spend the night with you, yearning to take bateman's place in your bed. let's face it, the cocaine, competition and firm handshakes can only do so much to hide the growing homoerotic tensions between the coworkers. your appeal is wider than you realise, as the compliments and lingering gazes at events would have most outsiders questioning if carruthers was the only gay man present in the social circle

in large social gatherings - such as big dinner parties or company events - patrick is able to hide his hand under the table and keep a poker face while unbuttoning your fly, untucking your shirt and slowly palming you for his own amusement. his bragging of designer clothing, company roles and mentions of a nice house he procured - for you to move into, of course - easily distract the other people on the table from what's happening in their vicinity

if his j&b on the rocks isn't hitting the spot or the cigars his colleagues are smoking feel heavy in his lungs, he'll drag you into the men's room - assuming there's no one in the other stalls, of course. his fly is halfway undone by the time your knees and expensive slacks hit the tiles, his hands mussing your slicked back hair. you'd better take his cock down your throat to the best of your abilities - you don't want an audience to witness you choking and spluttering on bateman's length, do you? of course not, they'll ostracize you in a heartbeat (or so patrick says), so you had better not complain or splutter when he pinches your nose shut and shoots hot ropes down your throat

whenever patrick fucks your ass, he ensures that his mark is left on your supple skin for days later - whether it be a handprint-shaped bruise, crescent nail marks or scratches along your thighs, he needs to have you remembering how well he fucks you. as you sit down, adjust your pants or even just accidentally back into something, patrick is suddenly at the forefront of your mind

_ _ _ _ _

afab hcs

patrick buys you the finest jewelry and nicest accessories that money can buy - the deal is that you give him handjobs with the sparkling rings on and kisses with the expensive lipstick, luxurious material framing your figure like a dream. he is especially a fan of you wearing jewels that match your eye colour or makeup - when he lifts your hand to press a polite kiss on your fingers, the glittering in your eyes matching his gifts makes his heart skip a beat

when you cockwarm him, his length is so hefty and makes you feel so stretched - the weight grounds you as you struggle to gain friction against your poor neglected clit. you always feel so full when you're perched on his lap, the girth enough to turn off your brain and make you drool. sometimes when patrick is feeling bold, he prepares your outfit for the day and ensures that you're wearing a cute little skirt for easy access :( he can be selfish sometimes, on the occasion that he solely thinks with his dick

patrick loves pushing your knees up to your chest as he fucks you deeply in missionary - the feeling of your swollen pussy lips brushing against his veiny base and your clit grinding against his pubic bone gets him more worked up than he'll ever admit

it's fairly normal to have patrick's hand drift towards your chest in the back of a taxi, his face buried in the crook of your neck. keep your noises quiet or the driver might be curious about what's happening in the backseat. his cold fingers harshly pinching and tugging at your nipples make you abruptly moan into the brisk air in the back of the car, patrick subtly palming himself to the tortured whines leaving your lips. if you make eye contact with the driver, mouth that you're sorry for patrick's behaviour and try to save your dignity by biting your lip to avoid any loud noises. if they make direct eye contact with patrick first, however, expect him to pull a smug grin and flash your breasts to the angled rear-view mirror. he might even hike up your skirts to show off your soaked, borderline see-through panties. sneak the poor driver a tip on your way out because he nearly caused an accident, losing all brain function as his blood immediately drained from his head and rushed to his cock :<

patrick buys you two little platinum charms with a necklace chain, his initials engraved on the back of the heart shaped pendant. the other little shape is an axe, the edge of the blade set with tiny red garnets!! he is main motivation for having you wear it constantly is the fact that it makes a small clinking noise as you bounce on his cock, breasts swaying and your glimmering skin making the necklace a truly beautiful sight to patrick

_ _ _ _ _

ftm hcs

patrick will pay for any surgery you could every want - with the small caveat that he must be the first person to see and touch you once you're all healed. his lightly concealed wonder at your altered appearance and his admiring hums as he carefully traces the remaining swelling definitely help with your mood, breathlessly marveling at the miracle of modern medicine. he's praying you're happy with the outcome, it really was the best money could buy :(

if you're only just getting into wearing masculine clothing, you bet your ass that patrick is guiding you through the more expensive stores. no awkward phase, just the nicest clothing and most put together outfits to go out on the town!! as much as he understands how tough your body image issues can be, he's not having you look sloppy out in public - you're his man and you'll always be looking like you belong by his side

you're lucky his designer boxers are easy to clean! every time he catches sight of your muscles tensing, he's undoubtedly leaking into the material. when you're stretching and your shirt rides up, when you grab something from the top shelf or even when you crouch to tie your shoelace - his cock doesn't discriminate so you'd better expect a small, darkening patch. the musk at the end of the day has such a heady rush when you kneel in front of him, his sweaty underwear mere inches from your lips. patrick swears you give his dick a heartbeat whenever you make out with his bulge and especially when you sloppily give him head :3

bateman is a huge fan of quickies with you before meetings with your mutual colleagues - he's booked for lunch after, there's no other time in his schedule to empty his heavy, full balls into you :( his favourite way to spend those precious moments is with you bent over his polished desk, expensive pants crumpled at your ankles and your precum dripping onto the carpet. he is a massive fan of teasing you by pushing his cockhead into your slick boycunt and stroking his cock, edging his length until you're whimpering from the need to be filled. he mocks you for being needy and massages his balls when he finally fills your warm hole with thick, potent ropes of cum. he leaves you unsatisfied and leaking his load for the whole meeting :( splash your face with water and try not to squirm too much in your seat - patrick's classic shit-eating grin might give away the events that transpire mere moments before you both walked into the boardroom

mtf hcs

patrick will pay for any surgery you could every want - with the small caveat that he must be the first person to see and touch you once you're all healed. his lightly concealed wonder at your altered appearance and his hums as he carefully traces the remaining swelling definitely help with your mood, breathlessly marveling at the miracle of modern medicine. he's praying you're happy with the outcome, it really was the best money could buy :(

patrick keeps himself well put together and likes to treat you to manicures on shared days out. he'll ask his friend's girls for the best nail salon in the area and insists taking you. after he comes along to pick you up and pay after the set is finished, sometimes he'll immediately take your hands and hum his approval at the colour or design. other times, he'll give you his overcoat and hide your nails until you get in a private area, bathroom or the back of a car - the reveal of your new nails when you slowly stroke his cock, spit slicked hand glistening, makes his eyes roll back in pleasure. your heated gaze and slightly flushed face makes him grin, happy that you're willing to drool on his cock and flaunt his money proudly. the perfect girl, in his opinion :>

if you're only just getting into wearing feminine clothing, you bet your ass that patrick is guiding you through the more expensive stores. no awkward phase, just the nicest clothing and most put together outfits to go out on the town!! as much as he understands how tough your body image issues can be, he's not having you look sloppy out in public - you're his girl and you'll always be looking like you belong by his side

patrick's favourite evening activity is fucking you in a mating press - his cock filling you and hitting that deep spot inside you, your eyes rolling into the back of your head. he loves the sight of your girldick bouncing on your tummy and the shine of your dribbling arousal smearing on your skin. nothing beats a relaxed evening with your tight hole warming his throbbing length

_ _ _ _ _

thanks for reading. lmk if you liked it. if i got anything wrong, don't hesitate to tell me.

stay safe.

[onyourhyuck]

Concert Tickets. | L.DH

— Prologue: “Y/n I think I’m gonna marry you.”

— Summary: Your boyfriend Donghyuck is a massive Bruno Mar’s fan, so you bought two concert tickets.

— Genre: Romance and fluff. Kind of suggestive(?) concert date!bruno mars <3. Based on the events of Bruno Mars doing the Korea concert. Lots of making out. Established relationship. This is just couple goals. Healthy relationship. Haechan clingy boyfriend.

— Notes: Stan Bruno Mars tbh.

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So you did a thing.

Your boyfriend is a massive Bruno Mar’s fan. He probably has more albums to prove that. He would blast music in the car all of them are Bruno Mars songs. He loves everything about the singer and so on. You knew for a while that he wants to go see Bruno Mars live performing at some point in his life so you decided to do something surprising…

Something that could make him feel like the happiest man alive on earth.

You didn’t tell him at all actually. It was pretty hard to not tell him for a week because you bought the concert tickets for Bruno Mars but you wanted his reaction when he gets to the venue with you. So when the day came you told him you’re seeing someone else and Donghyuck didn’t reject your invitation.

Although he didn’t seem the most thrilled to be seeing someone else, you could only smirk deep inside. You knew he wished it was something you know, more exciting in a way? But you couldn’t help but laugh inside your mind.

When you got to your stand area and the lights turned off Donghyuck stood next to you in the darkness. “So who is it we are seeing again, Y/n?” He can’t lie he forgot. Did you even mention it?

You don’t reply and only smirk because he cannot see your expression in the darkness and you just stay quiet until the sudden lights on the stage in front of the crowd reveals the singer. Donghyuck took a long minute to have a moment of being absolutely shocked. It was his idol. On that stage.

He looks at you wrapping his arms by your waist slowly as if he was in disbelief that you managed to get the tickets. The concert tickets to see his idol and you could only smirk watching him sheepishly. It was very hard to keep this a secret from him.

But you must say it’s worth it. His reaction was speechless and you loved the overhaul of happiness capturing on his beautiful face.

“You like it?” You ask him with a proud grin. He looks at you as if that’s even a question. “Are you kidding? I freaking love it what the heck, Y/n.” He was in disbelief.

You actually brought him to a concert to see his favourite singer.

“No way.” Donghyuck gasps with his palm and leaves his hands to wrap themselves around you. “Bruno Mars? Y/n… you’re being for real?” He even asks you in such confusion. You give him a nod and he jumps up a little before engulfing you into a warm embrace. When the song Bruno Mar’s started playing ‘Marry you’ plays on he gets even more excited. That was his top three favourite songs aside from Versace On The Floor and When I Was Your Man.

To see your boyfriend filled with such child-like happiness it makes you feel happier knowing he was the happiest person you ever saw.

He danced along to the song even and you couldn’t help but giggle seeing him become so excited from a mundane mood to the complete chaos of struggling to contain his love for Bruno Mars. The crowds sang and danced along to his songs and so on. You were doing the same and you felt even more engulfed by Bruno Mars too.

You like his songs, Donghyuck made you a big Bruno Mars fan so you’re taking in this experience as well. You’re glad you could get this opportunity to see him live too. His songs are to die for if you’re honest.

When the moment was so filling Donghyuck couldn’t help but take glances at you. He admires you from the side when you’re not paying any attention on anything but Bruno Mars on stage singing his heart out. He saw the love in your eyes and he couldn’t hold back from now sneaking his hand behind your back and around your waist pulling you closer where he now suddenly leans forward to capture a kiss on your mouth.

The kiss was sweet and exhilarating to the point you didn’t expect it but you welcome it like it was your own home. You close your eyes kissing him back now. Your hands fiddle with the grey Celine hoodie he wore and enjoy how good the kiss felt. Your hearts pace at the same speed and moment. You feel the love he has for you, perhaps it increased, maybe it increased the more he was so happy and grateful to have you.

When the kiss pulls the both of you out. Donghyuck looks down into your eyes. Your body stay in the same position but your faces were only an inch apart and he smiles down at your beautiful face. He loves the look in your eyes you’re giving him now.

He whispers now to your ears. “Y/n I think I’m gonna marry you.”

There’s no way he won’t marry you now. You bought him the tickets to see his idol performing live. You did something beyond his happiness and love for you could reach.

Donghyuck has no idea how he can repay your gift. The love he had for you was growing more and more to the point he thinks, you might be the one he’s going to settle down with.

He probably is going crazy, but it’s your doing. You’re making him a hopeless romantic for you.

“Oh? All It took you to propose was Bruno Mar’s tickets?” You jokingly said back raising your eyebrows at his proposal and he smirks tightening his hands around your hips and leans down giving you a gentle peck that was somehow still deep too. He was pouring all his heart and feelings into the actions he does.

He adds softly against your lips. “I would be mad if i don’t marry you after this concert.”

Even the hands holding you so tight in that embrace, it held meaning for you, you can tell he was so happy that he might as well die of happiness. You’re only getting second hand happiness from seeing your boyfriend be this loving and grateful. You could tell from his eyes that he feels like tearing up even but those tears were all from the shock and joy that you did something this big for him. No one has done this for him but you made it happen.

And he will forever remember this moment.

When the next song started to play it was ‘It Will Rain’ which automatically makes the atmosphere more slow and romantic, as well as emotional. Everyone in the crowd sang along the lines. And Donghyuck’s attention turns to the song playing as he held you with an embrace.

The moment was perfect and he will forever remember this, he makes sure of it. Donghyuck turns to look at you now with a little smirk.

“It’s our song.” He says with a soft chuckle.

It was your song. You smile when you listen to the song now playing and you rest your head against his shoulders closing your eyes.

“Thank you so much Y/n.” He softly now adds as he brushed along your hair from your face as he saw you’re resting your head on his shoulder while the other free hand was around your back waist holding it like a curve. “I love you so much.” He softly whispers kissing your head.

You smile. “Anything for you, Hyuck.” You look up at his slowly with your eyes and your lips reach to kiss his cheek. “It’s worth it seeing your excitement for Bruno Mars.”

He chuckles. “Oh please. Tell me anything you want and I’ll repay you.” He now said turning to you fully as he leans closer watching your beautiful lips and your eyes one by one moment.

You could see he really wants to do something for you back but if you’re honest you don’t even want anything back. You don’t want your boyfriend to give you anything but just his full love.

“Just kiss me, that’s enough for me.” You smirk and Donghyuck scoffs a little gently as he hears you. “I’d kiss you until you drop dead, you sure you want that?” He said now taunting you like it’s a threat that was incoming.

You cannot help but enjoy how tense he makes the situation and he has you wrapped around his fingers with this and so you smirk nodding confidently. Donghyuck enjoys it when you are so confident in yourself but he knows deep down you’re going to crumble like a broken biscuit when he actually does kiss you. You will drop dead by the end of it and you knew that this might be the case.

But you don’t mind it. You wouldn’t mind dropping dead to his kisses at all.

Donghyuck now kissed you passionately when the fireworks happened and you feel the moment was so slow and it paused for you because the way your boyfriend’s lips explore yours like there will be no tomorrow makes you question if the world was ending. You kissed for so long that the next song was Locked Out Of Heaven. This song describes your kiss with Donghyuck exactly perfectly. People singing were now disoriented from your mind and the only thing you focus was on your boyfriend’s breathing and heartbeat.

He brushed along his hands on your jawline and kissed you so much you feel your lips turning red but you didn’t mind that, you like the sting, you like the burn and you like the pain he brings. It’s a different type of pain you wouldn’t mind getting. Donghyuck brushed through your hair away as he tilts his head further in the kiss and he can feel your own throat hitch in the process of how good this must be feeling for the both of you.

He wanted to hear you say you wanted it all, but even without physical words he knew by your body you want all of it. Which is what just makes Donghyuck kiss you even harder while the moment was as romantic as it can get with his favourite idol singing live and the one and only person he’d want to spend this day with, is none other than you.

Once he pulls away he can see your eyes giving you a dizzy vision from how long and hard he kissed you. He held your face with his both palms on the sides of your cheeks and he smiles down seeing that he really did kiss you until you were dropping but thankfully he held you with his loving hands.

He whispers. “Thank you for the Concert Tickets, Y/n.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

@onyourhyuck please refer from translating copyrighting and plagiarising my work thank youu! Reblog this fic and follow me for more updates it helps a girl out.<3

[eiightysixbaby]

i've got you under my skin now

word count: 2.9k

pairing: rockstar!eddie munson x rockstar!fem!reader

warnings: 18+ ONLY - MINORS DNI. SMUT SMUT SMUT. kind of asshole!eddie but he's really just a moody baby, oral (m receiving), masturbation, reader and eddie argue but everything is consensual, really just absolute filth with a plot.

summary: you're an up-and-coming musician in the rock scene and have been asked to join corroded coffin on a song. only thing is, their singer - eddie munson - proves to be challenging to collaborate with.

author's note: my first lengthier work so sorry in advance if there are errors! this is a daisy jones and the six inspired one-shot, and for the sake of this fic i directly reference the title and lyrics of the song 'honeycomb' from the tv show - but you really don't need to know the book/show to understand. ok anyways hope u all like it and here u go @taintedcigs i know u've been waiting for this one em i hope u love it!!

“Honestly Eddie, I don’t care anymore! I’m not listening to your little rockstar tantrum. She’s coming in, and she’s joining you on the song. That’s final.”

Eddie scoffs at his manager. Ever since he was informed that ‘Y/N - biggest fucking nobody in the rock scene’ was going to be coming in and recording his song with him, Eddie had been relenting.

Eddie scoffs at his manager. Ever since he was informed that ‘Y/N - biggest fucking nobody in the rock scene’ was going to be coming in and recording his song with him, Eddie had been relenting.

“Tom, you don’t fucking get it man. Clearly. My song is perfect. What do we need her for? She doesn’t even have an album out, she’s made no name for herself. She’s going to ruin Corroded Coffin.” Eddie continues pestering, despite Tom’s insistence against it.

“No, Eddie, see that’s where you’re wrong. You wrote a good song man, okay? A good song. But just a good song. She could make it great. You haven’t heard her sing like I have. She has real talent.”

Eddie scrunches up his face and pinches the bridge of his nose with two fingers. “Oh a good song, huh? But you said the label liked it. Why change it?”

Tom sighs, taking a step towards Eddie. “The label didn’t dig the song… okay? They said it needs more, otherwise they’re gonna pass on it.”

“So you fuckin’ lied man, fuck-“ Eddie grits his teeth. “Fine, whatever, she’s gonna sing on the song with me. But that’s it.” Eddie grumbles, storming out of the small room.

•••

“He doesn’t get it, guys, he doesn’t fucking get it!” Eddie yells. “This is my song. My fucking baby. And this... bitch is gonna come in here and destroy it. I don’t need her singing on the song - I don’t need anyone to make my music ‘better’” he spits.

The thing is, things have always gone Eddie’s way since Corroded Coffin gained traction in the music world. Eddie writes the songs, Eddie dictates which songs go on the album, so on and so forth. This makes sense to Eddie, and if you ask him, he’s being completely fair to the rest of the guys in the band. ‘Of course I let them have a say in things. I don’t care what rumors you’ve heard - it’s a fair process around here.’ It’s only natural that he can’t handle the idea of someone else singing on his song. Eddie is always the one singing, save for Gareth and Jeff doing backing vocals.

Eddie thrives off of being liked. The way the fans hang onto every word he sings- it’s electric to him. He’s addicted to the way people adore him. And he’d never admit it to anybody… but he’s nervous you might just show him up, and then *poof* no one cares about him anymore.

“Come on, Eddie. Ease up a little! This could be fun, you never know.” Gareth says, following Eddie back and forth as he paces the recording studio.

“I give you like, 20 minutes before you’re in love with her… or bending her over a table.” Jeff interjects, screeching when Gareth throws a drumstick at him to shut him up.

Eddie can’t get a rebuttal in before the door swings open. Tom walks in trailed by a young woman. Quite possibly the most beautiful woman Eddie’s ever see- nope. Nope. Not going there. What was that?

“Guys. This is Y/N, as I’m sure you could guess. She’s here to record ‘Honeycomb’ with us today.” Tom smiles politely at the group, jolting Eddie from his thoughts.

“Y/N, hey. It’s so nice to finally meet you. I’m Gareth, this is Jeff, Greg, and I’m sure you know Eddie - the star of the show.” Gareth goes around the room, pointing at all of the guys.

You meet Eddie’s gaze as Gareth talks, and your breath hitches in your throat. Of course you know who Eddie is- you’ve seen him on magazine covers and in interviews. You’ve always thought he was alluring, but he’s even more gorgeous in person. Long, curly hair pulled back into a low ponytail. Tattoos trailing up his arms and chains around his neck. His signature ripped black skinny jeans that hug him so well in all the right places… fuck. Focus. You are not here to sleep with Eddie Munson. You redirect your attention to Gareth as he finishes speaking.

The rest of the guys all greet you warmly - except Eddie, you notice - who gives you a tight-lipped smile and a quick nod.

You walk straight up to him, holding out your hand for him to shake. “It’s so nice to meet you Eddie. Thank you so much for letting me be on the song - seriously, it means the world.” You say, exaggerating sincerity a little.

Eddie reluctantly shakes your hand. “Yeah. Let’s get this over with.”

He walks away to set up a microphone before he can think too hard about the way his heart pounded as your hands touched.

•••

The recording session starts, and take one of the song has begun. You insisted on using the same mic as Eddie, who begrudgingly allowed you to stand beside him, shoulders brushing ever so slightly. The contact sends chills down his spine. Eddie sings the first lines confidently into the mic, not making eye contact with you. Tom, along with the rest of the band watch the two of you intently from the sound booth. Honestly, Eddie has to admit everything is going smoothly. That is, until the chorus starts. Eddie sings one lyric into the microphone… and you sing a different one.

“Woah, woah, okay, stop!” Eddie yells to Tom to cut the track, pulling the clunky headphones off of his head. “Those aren’t the lyrics, what are you doing?” He’s turned to face you, incredulous.

“Um I- I’m sorry, did he not get my version? Does he not know?” You say, avoiding eye contact with Eddie to level with Tom.

“Your version!? This is my song- you are here to sing on my song. Not to rewrite the damn song!” Eddie hisses, throwing his hands in the air.

“No, darling, I’m here to make your song better. And that’s exactly what I’ve done.” You narrow your eyes at him, a syrupy sweet smile on your face.

Eddie’s face is burning, his whole body is burning. You weren’t supposed to write new lyrics. This is not happening. And for the love of god stop staring at her lips, Eddie.

“Eddie, uh, let’s give her version a shot, yeah?” Tom says, framing it like a question, but Eddie knows he doesn’t really have a choice.

The track starts from the top again, and Eddie finds that his hands are trembling as he holds your songbook. He sings the lyrics as you have written them, and his stomach sinks as he does it. He hates that you’ve changed his perfect song. He hates that he was made to look like an idiot because Tom didn’t tell him you had rewritten anything. And most of all, he hates that he can hear how good your voices sound together. He hates that he thinks he’d like to hear the sound of your voice for the rest of his life, on the rest of his songs.

“Oooh, we could make a good thing bad,” the two of you sing out in unison, and the song ends.

Eddie stares at you and you stare at him, chest heaving and absolutely beaming. The rest of the band are looking at the two of you in awe from the sound booth. Eddie can’t bring himself to smile, can’t bring himself to let you know that he thinks you really might have made his song better. Can’t face you while his mind races with thoughts of grabbing your face and kissing you. Instead, he hands you your lyric book and hurries out of the studio.

You excuse yourself to the group amid their praises and follow him out the large wooden doors. You’re surprised to find the lobby empty, but then you hear noise coming from down the hall. Walking over to a small closet, you peer in and see Eddie in the dim light, leaning against the wall, hands covering his face and his head tipped back.

“Eddie, what was up with that?” You ask him gently, closing the closet door behind you for privacy. “I thought we sounded great.”

“You rewrote my fucking song!” He booms over you. “That wasn’t the plan. You were supposed to sing on it with me and that would be that.” He’s stepped towards you, leaving little room between the two of you in the already-cramped closet.

“It’s not my fault Tom didn’t tell you I changed some of the lyrics, okay? I didn’t expect you to be blindsided like that. But you could’ve been more mature about it!” You defend.

“Who the hell do you think you are? No- seriously, tell me. Corroded Coffin has worked so hard to make a name for ourselves. I have worked so hard. And you just waltz in here like you own the place? What the fuck is your problem?” Eddie’s words come out sharp, bitter, but there’s an emotion behind his eyes you can’t quite place. Fear? Maybe.

“Oh get your head out of your ass already, Eddie! I made your song better! We sounded fucking amazing together- the label might actually want it now!” You’re screaming back at him at this point, heat rising in your face as he steps impossibly closer to you. “And don’t even get me fucking started on the Corroded Coffin bullshit. Do you even give the other guys a say in what happens in this band? Cause you seem like a big cocky crybaby who always gets his way. I may not be rich and famous like you are but at least I’m not a fucking prick!” You’re seething, and you press your hands to his chest in an attempt to shove him backwards.

Eddie stops you, though, grabs you by the wrists. Firmly, but not hurting. His huge brown eyes haven’t stopped boring into yours. He thinks his heart might sprout wings and fly out of his chest. He thinks he might hate himself forever if he doesn’t get to have more of you.

“What- now you’re speechless? Don’t have anything to s-“ Eddie cuts you off, pressing his lips to yours like his life suddenly depends on it. Maybe it does.

You’re caught off guard, frozen in place for only a second until you kiss him back, pushing him up against the shelves behind him. His hands leave your wrists and hastily scour your body. You’d think he was a man starved the way he grips at your hips, lips basically devouring yours all the while. Eddie gasps as you lean down to his neck, sucking red and purple marks onto the skin that Jeff is definitely going to mock him for later. He can’t bring himself to care. He grabs your face in his hands to meet your lips once again, needing more.

“You wanna know something, Y/N?” Eddie says between kisses, moving down to nip at your neck. “I can’t fucking stand the way you came in here so confidently today-“ another kiss to your neck. “The way you came right up and sang into the same mic as me instead of using your own, like you just own the whole room-“ another kiss, and another “I can’t stand the fact that your lyrics are better than mine- that maybe you made 'Honeycomb' something I couldn’t make it,” he’s talking through gritted teeth, agitated and yet completely enamored with you. “I hate that the entire time I was watching you sing, I couldn’t stop thinking about your pretty mouth wrapped around my cock..”

Before you can respond, he’s unbuttoning your jeans, pushing you against the opposite wall of the closet, taking control.

“I think you’re absolutely insufferable and immature” you breathe out, pulling his hair out of its ponytail so you can run your fingers through it.

He lets out a breathy chuckle, but it’s arrogant, smug. “You can spit whatever insults you like, sweetheart, but you’re absolutely soaked right now.” He gives you a smile, tilting his head to the side as he does. His fingers had slipped inside the waistband of your pants, and are now circling the lace fabric of your panties.

You feel yourself clench around nothing as his fingers tease your core. You let out an involuntary moan, rutting your hips down against his touch. He gets the hint and shimmies your jeans down your legs, and you slip out of them after quickly taking your shoes off. You meet his gaze again as he tugs his jeans down slightly, pulling his cock free from the thin fabric of his boxers.

And - oh my god - he’s fucking huge. Thick and long with a dripping pink tip. You swallow, hard, and you swear you feel your mouth start to water. Suddenly you can’t figure out how you’ve survived this long without him, and you certainly won’t be able to after this.

“Get on your fucking knees, babydoll” he purrs, lips inches away from your ear.

You oblige, of course, settling yourself so that your pussy rests on the toe of his combat boot, aching for whatever friction you can get. You take his cock into your mouth without further instruction from the rockstar, and he inhales sharply above you.

“Fuck, baby, shit-“ Eddie groans, collecting your hair in one of his hands and tugging, his cock twitching slightly in your mouth.

“What, big shot, can’t handle it? Should I tell the press that Eddie Munson of Corroded Coffin comes three seconds into a blowjob?” you tease him, but you can’t ignore the way your head spins at his praise.

“Shut up and fucking suck it, sweetheart- I can handle it.” He hisses.

You don't need further instruction. Your tongue works on his cock, licking a stripe up his length and then kitten-licking the tip. Eddie’s seeing stars as you engulf him entirely in your mouth once again. You go at it for a while before he feels you rutting yourself against his boot.

His laugh is devious, wicked. “So desperate for me huh, sweet thing? Gonna get yourself off while you suck my cock, baby?”

You want to retaliate, taunt him back, do anything to make yourself seem like more than a pathetic fucking whore for him, but you’re dripping through your panties and the friction is so, so delicious you can’t stop your movements. Warmth is beginning to pool in your stomach and you need this release. You take him as deep into your mouth as you can, his tip practically nudging the back of your throat, gagging around him. Eddie thinks he might die, seriously, this is it for him. ‘Rockstar Dies In Supply Closet With His Dick Out’ he can see the tabloid headlines now. He tugs your hair and holds your head still as he starts to fuck into your mouth, reveling in the moans and mewls you let out beneath him.

“Shit, sweetheart, you feel s’fucking good around my dick-" he grunts, throwing his head back as he picks up his pace. "Go ahead and touch yourself for me, sweet girl. I know you need more." He says roughly.

You happily let him throat-fuck you as you tug your panties down slightly, bringing a hand down to allow your fingers to rub harsh circles into your clit. You feel yourself getting closer, a coil tightening more more more as he fucks into the heat of your mouth. You can sense his movements getting erratic, and you glance up to look at his face. He's delirious, so fucked out, and you feel as if you could melt into a puddle right here at his feet as you watch him.

“I’m gonna fucking cum, sweetheart, shit- you want it in your mouth?” He asks you, brown eyes blown out wide as he awaits your response.

You nod, mouth too full of him to speak, and you squeeze his heavy balls in your free hand as he thrusts faster faster faster into your mouth. He lets out a strangled moan as his cock twitches, ropes of hot cum coating your tongue. You quicken your pace on your aching clit and it doesn't take long for the coil in your stomach to snap. You cum all over your fingers and Eddie's boot that still rests beneath you, as he finishes riding out his high above you. He watches you as you swallow his load and he silently swears to himself he’ll do whatever he can to have you like this more often.

“Fuck, baby, you soaked my shoes huh? You okay?” He asks you tenderly, grabbing your arms to pick you up off the floor and steady your shaking frame. You nod, collapsing against him, head pressed to his chest. The two of you stay like that for a while, listening to each others heavy breaths before Eddie finally breaks the silence.

“I’m sorry for being a dick about having you on the song, okay?” He says, his voice softer and far more unsure than you've ever heard it. “You made it better- I really fucking mean that.”

“I know I did.” you reply, shifting to meet his gaze, and he smiles at you. “A few more rounds of this," you gesture around the two of you, "and I think you’ll have made it up to me” you smirk at him.

“Alright, sweetheart, same place same time tomorrow?” Eddie teases, and you laugh. That’s a sound he thinks he could get used to.

•••

When the two of you walk back into the recording room, Eddie's neck littered with hickeys and mascara smudged around your eyes, no one says a damn word.

"'Honeycomb' take three anyone?" Eddie asks.

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog: Wakfu Season 2 (episodes 13-16)

Episode 13 - The Night of the Thirsters

Proof Amalia and Joris are not close friends number 829342345: if she knew the alcohol he drinks and what he considers "a clean environment to live in" she'd get scared.

WoT twitter would kill Amalia.

I know it's more likely that both alcoholic and non-alcoholic bamboo milk exists, but the thought of everyone being a-ok with Yugo underage drinking makes me giggle for some reason. Ruel would fucking do that.

Are your villains 1. indestructible, 2. want to consume something that could theoretically fix them, 3. in the process, inflict a fate worse than death upon their victim, who 4. becomes one of them?

...Necromes were a missed opportunity. Shoulda called them Wakfu Thirsters instead.

Episode 14 - The Voice Thief

It's always sad to see the way the world has been devastated by Ogrest's Chaos.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...This says:

Her singing is so cute!

She is now fully bamboo milk-pilled. GOOD.

New Krosmoz music lore: We already know that vinyls and their players exist, as well as the fact that rock music exists (due to the fact that The Blues of a Hypermage (parody of the IRL song The Blues of a Buisinessman) exists).

Now we have the confirmation that metal bands are real.

Also, electric guitars are also real.

Mics are also real. (I am totally not noting all of this down because I want to write a "Joris, Kerubim, and Atcham go to karaoke" scene in one of my fics in the future, nuh-uh...)

Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! eyes pop out AROOOOOOOOGA! jaw drops tongue rolls out WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF.

It's very rare to see, within the show, characters who differ from their usual class skin and hair colours, which is a shame. (I am 99% sure this is an iop due to his clothes and his hair pointing upwards)

Text behind Eva: rien ne sert de payer il faut en fuir / there is no point in paying, you have to run away

Text behind Amalia is too shielded to transcribe fully.

This is written in Brakmarian. It says:

This means that, metal music is stereotypically a Brakmarian form of music (big news: spoon found in kitchen)

I usually don't point this sort of stuff out but, man, this tavern is really well off. Not only is there a lot of food, there are also huge hot baths...

Also, once again, canalization and running water are real in this setting.

I choose to believe that this bubble thing is the Krosmoz equivalent of vaping because it's funny.

[blushing] Would!

Jpop is real in this setting, and someday, I will be able to prove to you, that Joris is a fan of it, using some proof besides "well ecaflips are kind of japanese-coded sometimes" and "it just makes sense."

Good rooms in taverns like these not only have hot baths but also fruit, candles, and drinks... [starts writing down "Joris, Kerubim and Atcham go to an expensive tavern and start talking about some convoluted topic, with vivid descriptions of delicious fruit-eating, how good the wine is, and how soft the bubbles in the bath are" in my fic self-indulgent scene ideas document. I can live my vacation fantasies vicariously through those three men]

Of course metal music from Brakmar is about the fact that the apocalypse caused inflation and that it's Good.

This says:

ourse

olle

m al

venu

Episode 15 - Wabbit Island

Hhh she is a very good artist.

[guy who is insane voice] This means that if I ever want to use the expression "canary in a coalmine" in a fic it'll be "tofu in a coalmine" instead.

The word Sayonara exists in Krosmoz which implies that some sort of fantasy Japanese is real. Big win.

Episode 16 - The Cursed Fountain

:(

While I usually talk a lot about character parallels between Yugo and Joris (these men who had to grow up far too fast will someday commit acts which no human being can be forgiven for in the name of goodness—-) there is a lot to be said about parallels betwen Eva and Joris.

They're both artistic, kind people who try to appear logic-driven (and sadly, they are both basically the wranglers/babysitters of their entire adventuring groups).

[jokeroutsubs]

[ENG translation] Joker Out: We won't screw up

A radio interview with Bojan Cvjetićanin and Kris Guštin on the radio station called Radio Koper, from 01.01.2024. The interviewer and author is Iztok Novak Easy. You can read the translation below or listen to the audio in Slovene from the source.

~

['Carpe Diem' starts playing and continues to play in the background]

Interviewer: Hello, Bojan.

Bojan: Hello, dear friend.

Interviewer: And Kris.

Kris: Hi. It's good to see you here.

Interviewer: Thank you. How would you describe the year that just ended in a few sentences?

Bojan: In a few sentences? Yes, a year that changed our lives significantly and brought us closer to what we imagined our musical dreams to be.

Interviewer: What about you, Kris?

Kris: We have been using the word turbulent all day, today. In fact, it makes sense in at least two ways, because it has actually been very turbulent for us. Mentally and physically. We have also taken so many flights where we have experienced more turbulence than ever before.

['Carpe Diem' gets louder for a few seconds]

Interviewer: Moving on with this year. Eurovision, all the travelling that came before it, Stožice, the tour that followed, the recording in between, and so on. What would you put first? I'm asking you, Kris.

Kris: Even though we went to Eurovision this year, the main event for me was still the concert in Stožice. After all, we announced it a year before the event, which means half a year before we really even started to deal with Eurovision. For us, the whole year was split into before Stožice and after Stožice. Everything we were doing before Stožice was kind of leading up to it, so, once it happened, at least for me, it completely changed the shape of the year. So I have to say Stožice maybe even more than Eurovision.

Interviewer: What would you, Bojan, point out as the most valuable or what are the most valuable new pieces of knowledge or insights that you have gained this year?

Bojan: I would say the most valuable insight is that life on tour really requires a healthy rhythm. I would say that we very quickly realised that there is no room for hedonism or egocentrism on tour, and that it is an extremely complex machine that stops very quickly if the pieces start to fall apart. So the realisation that we, as a group, know how to work but also that we have to do so in harmony is the most valuable thing, I think.

Interviewer: I recently read that Eurovision fans awarded those who made an impact at this year's contest. You have become the kings of charisma. More than 50% of the votes. What is your comment?

Bojan: I mean, it's... not the kings of charisma, it's just the way this competition is, these titles in the end are more of a joke than for real. But it's absolutely wonderful that our name was even included in the five or six categories that were awarded. The fact that we won proves that this year we have been very much present in this Eurovision bubble. I would say that we were a very strong link among all the representatives of the countries at Eurovision. So there were a lot of good vibes and a lot of fun surrounding us. So it was nice that the listeners and the viewers picked that and, like you said, out of 80000 votes, more than 40000 were for us, so that is such a nice start to the New Year. And also, I would say, a very nice end to this Eurovision story.

['Carpe Diem' gets louder and it ends]

Interviewer: Your European tour is behind you. From Helsinki to Belgrade. A lot of sold-out concerts. I read a review of the Belgrade concert in Dom Omladine. All praises, Joker Out. A sociological phenomenon. The new Beatlmania* and so on. How do you manage to stay normal?

(*Beatlemania was the fanaticism surrounding the English rock band the Beatles in the 1960s.)

['Ne bi smel' starts playing in the background]

Bojan: I stand by the fact that all five of us are extremely down-to-earth and normal guys to begin with. That we have a very nice and safe community, waiting for us at home, watching over us and supporting us. That is, of course, our families, our friends and our team. So I would dare to say that we don't have a lot of room to screw up, because there are enough people around us who can grab us and hold us and bring us back down to Earth in an instant. So we don't have this tendency to suddenly become total jerks, but we are who we are and the moment we come back from the stage to the backstage, the gig is over and there is only genuineness left. I mean, on stage we're really totally genuine too, but still. We're on stage and it's a show. So yeah, I would say that we don't allow ourselves and others don't allow us to change who we are.

['Ne bi smel' gets louder for a few seconds]

Interviewer: Kris, Helsinki, The Hague, Wroclaw, Madrid, Barcelona, as I said Zagreb, Belgrade, Novi Sad, Rijeka too. Which would you say was the most emotional?

Kris: So I'll say this: it's really hard to pick one concert or one place that was really the best. Personally, I will say that Amsterdam was the most emotional experience for me, because it was the first time my Dutch family attending a concert of ours. Because before that, ok, they watched us at Eurovision, but after that performance, it's hard to really understand what we do besides that. They know that I do music, but they never really understood what I do until they came to the concert and saw their fellow Dutchies singing in Slovene for the whole concert, while they had never learned one song or a few words of Slovene in their whole life. And they were all enthusiastic until the end and it was a real honour to perform for them.

Interviewer: What about you, Bojan?

Bojan: I have to say that it was extremely emotional, in terms of the fact that we were totally shocked, that people were singing in Slovene in countries you wouldn't think of. I mean, let's say that the further north we went, the more and more it blew us away. As for me personally, perhaps the most heartfelt was in the countries of the region, so to say, the countries of the former Yugoslavia.

Interviewer: Your version of Đurđevdan in Belgrade went viral on tiktok. Was it spontaneous?

Bojan: Yes, totally spontaneous. When we went off stage Jure was feeling unwell and couldn't go back on stage for the encore and I took the acoustic guitar because people were screaming for the encore, and when I came on stage, I said, "Which one are we going to do?" and some of the fans in the front screamed "Đurđevdan" and I said "C'mon". And Đurđevdan was the final encore song. And it turned out to be a great moment.

[an audio recording of 'Đurđevdan' from the concert plays]

Interviewer: Did you notice any particularity, perhaps a difference, between the British organisers, the Spanish, the Scandinavian and those from what you called our former country? Maybe how you were treated by the media?

['Vse kar vem' starts playing and it continues to play in the background]

Kris: If we just focus on the organiser. Before we started our tours abroad, I had never come into contact with organisers. Here, in Slovenia, we treat everything a little differently. Maybe in Slovenia you have such organisers at Kino Šiška* because they are used to a lot of foreign performers. But things are different and I have to say that we have been lucky that we have been less and less involved with them because we have had a bigger and more experienced team around us who have been trained for abroad from before. So, I would say that things are a little bit better abroad. Far from Slovenia being pure chaos and wild, I somehow felt safer and more confident when I was doing concerts abroad, in terms of the performance itself. As far as the media is concerned, of course in Slovenia we were one of the most talked about artists, so we got a lot of attention that we might not have received abroad. Abroad, we had Eurovision media, maybe some national television. So, as far as some commercial networks are concerned, we are still getting there. On the other hand, in the Balkans, all of a sudden it was "wow". All of a sudden the tabloids asked 'What's up with the girls, where are they, where's the party?' and things like that. It's a completely different scene than in Slovenia.

(*Kino Šiška has been the central Slovenian institution of the contemporary concert scene since 2009, complemented by activities in visual and performing arts.)

Interviewer: Do you have anything to add?

Bojan: Yes, I do. Like Kris said, when it comes to organising concerts, things tend to really... the biggest difference is that when you look at the plan and the timeline that you get before the concert, that timeline really makes sense and is accurate to the minute and it sticks to what is written. But I would say that in the Balkans, this is quite impartial, but in the Balkans we were really, I would say, treated like kings. In all aspects. As for the media... At least for me, it was the first time in the Balkans that a music journalist came and asked questions with 100% respect. At no point in the interview was there any hint of cynicism, which is practically in every interview here in Slovenia. Whenever there is some success or praise, there is a small 'but' in the next sentence. There is always something negative to point out, while someone who has a positive attitude also writes a really 100% positive article. And if someone is negative, they write it negatively. So that really really fascinated me. I have to say that the interviews in the Balkans this year were also heartwarming.

['Vse kar vem' plays louder for a few seconds]

Interviewer: Talking about positive things, have you ever had a negative experience? Maybe one... Have you ever had a hard time recently?

Bojan: Yes, absolutely. I'll say it like this, this year we gave our all, everything we had. We didn't have an ounce of energy left, that we could have saved just in case, but we went 800% with our heads through the wall. In every situation. And it left an impression on us, because we were tired and I was so tired that it started to show in certain stressful situations that we weren't used to before. For example, the stage was 1000% the safest place for me, but then by the end of summer, ['Padam' starts playing in the background] when I experienced a panic moment on the stage that then lasted for the whole concert, it left a mark on me and that stress and panic still lasts, for almost half a year from then. So, it's not a joke, when they say that you have to take time for yourself and slow down once in a while. But here we are, that moment has arrived, thank god. Next week we're going to London for two months, where us five are going to make music in peace. Well, in between we're going to fly to two concerts but almost two months in peace. So, yes, I'm very excited for that time.

['Padam' gets louder for a few seconds and continues to play in the background]

Interviewer: Maybe it's important in regards to this: when things start happening like in your case the task of choosing the people to surround yourself with, it's very hard. How do you manage situations like this? Where did you draw the line? How did you choose the people who help you? The people, like you say, who watch over you?

Kris: In the past it was always like this that we started working with people with whom we naturally developed a bond. With whom we have developed trust before we started the business collaboration or rather business relationship. And that basically functioned really well until Eurovision, then our presence suddenly broadened from Slovenia to the whole of Europe and the whole world, and here what we know how to do, and what the majority of people from Slovenia know, it's not enough to properly tackle the market. So we had to make a few quick decisions, we had to welcome a few people from abroad to our team that we might not have welcomed so quickly in Slovenia. But we said that this is the moment, when we have to trust certain people to help us. We established that trust in advance as much as it was possible. Now we have in our team, for example, people we got to know during Eurovision with whom we have already developed a relationship but we are still developing it and waiting. At the same time we had to say goodbye to certain people in Slovenia, even those who were a part of our team from the very start, because our situation is drastically changing, because our schedules no longer align, in regards to life, ambitions and business. So for me one of the hardest things this year was that we had to say goodbye to people who were with us from the start, because we're moving forward.

['Padam' gets louder for a few seconds]

Interviewer: In March and April you have a new concert tour. Before that, Bojan, you said there will be time for creating.

['Sunny Side of London' starts playing in the background]

Bojan: Yes, next year will be a little experimental from all aspects, so, not just the concert aspect but also from the creative aspect. We'll be creating music abroad for the first time. So, the next two months in London are devoted to writing, making the songs, rewiring our brains.

Interviewer: In English?

Bojan: In Slovene, English and Serbo-Croatian language. Maybe another one, but for now these three are planned. English will dominate for sure but all three languages will be on the album. In March and a little bit of April, we're going on this one month tour. Then we're going to a studio in Germany for one month, where we'll record the album. That is the studio where we recorded 'Carpe Diem' so we're already used to it. We're planning to put the March tour to good use with trying out what we will write and play in our rehearsal space in January and February. So the March tour will be the most playful tour until now, because at each concert we'll try out two, three songs from the new album, at the next concert we'll play another one. So each concert will be actually different and a different experience for the fans and for us. After the studio we are going on a festival tour that will probably also be quite extensive. Then we will return back home at the end of summer and slowly release the album in October, which means another tour for sure and then it's happy new year and merry Christmas and here we are.

['Sunny Side of London' gets louder for a few seconds and continues in the background]

Interviewer: Earlier I mentioned Finland, where you were already during the last tour. One of the concerts is already sold out, as far as I know, in Helsinki. Can you explain this phenomenon? Finland? Is this that story that developed from Eurovision?

Kris: Yes, for sure. I think Finland was the first country ever where we got a golden record and it was for Carpe Diem. We learned about that on tour, when we were in Finland. No one exactly knows the reason why Finland stands out the most. It's definitely the fact that they are big fans of Eurovision, so more of them came in contact with us. Besides that, we had a nice friendship, or rather, Bojan did, with their representative. That gave us additional exposure in this country. But there is clearly something with us and our music that resonates with their ethos and despite all the exposure they had something to hold on to, once they got to us.

Interviewer: You were talking about the golden record. If I mention a few numbers now. Your former PR representative, booking manager, I don't know what else he was responsible for, we're talking about Gregor, of course, he mentioned 45 million streams on Facebook. Now there are more, for sure. Your fee was raised 30 times and it's going up. In short, there are a lot of numbers. What does this bring?

Bojan: This brings a lot of things. Now, in the music business it's common that when you have a bigger fee you have to make a bigger and better production. In the end, it literally comes to proportionally the same fee you had in the beginning, but with a bigger show. In regards to that, our life absolutely hasn't changed. Maybe I could say that it could have if we had stayed in Slovenia... I can say that for sure. If we kept doing concerts in Slovenia we could get more out of it, in a financial sense. In regards to all the other aspects, in other words, how inspirational is it for a musician in how much it fills you, it's incomparable. We don't do music because of money, if we did we would probably either do a different kind of music or do it in a different way. But what drives us, is creating and that new faces in the crowd sing. Especially now, when we started going abroad, it's something incredible. To listen, to see the crowds queuing to come to your concert.

Interviewer: Can you also comment on my question?

Kris: Half of people will always resent you for changing and the other half for staying the same. No matter what you decide and because I personally know that a musician needs to grow in their career, so then I'd rather see that half of the people resent us for changing than for staying the same.

['Demoni' starts playing loudly for a few seconds]

Interviewer: Okay, our chat was recorded at the time that we on Radio Koper realised that Carpe Diem was the most played song in this past year. I told you earlier that the second one was 'Novi val', last year at this time, it was the most played song too. The song that now has an English version, with the great Elvis Costello in the main role. I still don't get it how you managed to pull that off.

Bojan: We don't get it either, honestly. Elvis Costello is someone who was musically connected with the band literally from the start. So, when we first drew the line under this shagadelic rock'n'roll and we called our music this made-up genre it coincided with Elvis Costello, who was acting and singing in the Austin Powers movie, where "shagadelic" came from. So it's an unbelievable common thread that came full circle in the end. Elvis has, in his own words, co-authored with very few people, Paul McCartney is one of them. So, when he told me that he co-signed this song with me, I wasn't really able to grasp that.

Interviewer: Okay. You are a part of the new wave. You're inviting us to the carneval. Generation of love and hope and so on. You are a part of some kind of a new wave that happened several years earlier, the so-called new wave 30 or 40 years ago. You know that there's this phrase that embodied musicians who had changed our story as well, and I dare to say that it was part of the reason why many things unraveled the way they did, for the better. I have a feeling, that you are also, please tell us for all five of you, a part of this new wave that wants things to lead in a better direction.

Kris: I definitely count on all five of us knowing and understanding and feeling that we are a part of the new wave and if I connect to the previous question about Elvis, I think he felt it too. Because this is the bond that we have with him, besides all the surface level things, shagadelic and I-don't-know what else. The bond we have with him is that we both started creating in a vacuum of new music and we made something out of it and I think he could feel it even without beeing present on the Slovene music scene. And if he could feel it, we have to trust ourselves that we are doing something right and we're leaving something meaningful behind us.

['New Wave' plays in the background]

Interviewer: Bojan.

Bojan: We are... the five of us, young people in 21st century, we grew up with the notion that from what we learned from books, everything will be better, all the mistakes have already been made and the world learned something, and now we can flourish. And unfortunately, it is becoming clearer by the day that not only have we not learned from our mistakes, but the mistakes have clearly been learned by those who want to, I would say, take these mistakes to a higher level for future generations who will learn about them in textbooks. So after all the musicians, all the songs that were encouraging peace and love, we are clearly just another wave who can do the same. I hope and believe that for those who want to hear it, we can change their world view and can make their everyday better to a degree that they don't feel a need to share their wrath and indignation with others. In reality, times are stressful and horrifying and we can only make them better by a tiny smidge, and we can appeal to people to be a part of the new wave. I think that the most we can do is that people might be able to recognise within themselves that "maybe I can do this better, I can do it more nicely, and if we share music, if we share love, this new wave can wave stronger."

Interviewer: Good luck.

Bojan: Thank you very much.

['New Wave' starts playing loudly]

~

Transcript by a member of JokerOutSubs, translation by @varianestoroff, marusapersic and another member of JokerOutSubs, proofread by a member of JokerOutSubs.

[not-available-for-comment]

“Image-obsessed celebrity can’t be struggling behind the scenes because being ultra-famous and almost pathologically protective of your public image is famously a very mentally healthy experience with no psychological downsides” is just as much of a dogshit parasocial take as “famous straight conventionally attractive if sometimes cryptic celebrity is leaving secret puzzles to prove to me specifically that she’s gay”.

You don’t know these people. YOU DON’T KNOW THESE PEOPLE. You can just like or dislike the music and it will be ok. I will not send the art cops to your house. Go to a coffee shop and put a tenner in the busker’s guitar case if you’re that exercised about it.

Also, not for nothing, being wealthy can be helpful with mental illness, but pushy stage parents and legions of obsessive fans historically Are Not. We’ve somehow blown straight past “money can’t buy happiness but it can pay for rent and doctor’s appointments which sure fucking help” to “no rich person has had a real problem ever” and I regret to inform you that that second statement is what the original platitude is about. It is, tragically, possible to have rent and groceries and doctors bills and cute clothes paid for without a second’s thought and still have a bad time of it, because even rich people are human beings who come from families of human beings and have human friends and lovers and staff and coworkers and part of the human condition is that sometimes some of us suffer.

I get the impulse to be resentful of someone singing about having a hard time when the spare change from between her couch cushions would easily save your life. I’ve been through a period of my life where I tried not to obviously resent my friends for *having food*. It’s ok if you can’t listen to her for that reason and in fact I’d argue that you shouldn’t. It’s painful, and it’s not the kind of pain that produces anything worthwhile, just more resentment. But “she’s making up alcoholism for clout” is such a deeply stupid way to phrase that. You don’t know her. What if she isn’t? What if she IS? Making up personas is literally part of her brand. Do you need a hug? Sincerely. I think a hug would maybe be more productive here. I’m sorry things are hard. It’s not fair. You’re right. It isn’t.

I just think one slightly overexposed pop singer is maybe not the main reason it’s hard.

[youranemicvampire]

My favorite shows and movies that i've watched in 2023

Barbie (2023)

Always been a sucker for great production and costume design. Feminism aside, it’s so fun and smart with all the references. I just don’t like the Ken hype. He’s fun, sure, but a lot of fans are missing the point or just proving the message of the story.

Bottoms (2023)

Need more lesbian chaos as a comedy fan. Sapphic softcore is ok of course, but you know, there should be a variety of WLW cinema. Perfect also for the Y2K nostalgia. ‘Bring It On’ fan here!

Nocebo (2022)

I actually watched it last year, but it was too late to be on my 2022 list. Underrated political-horror film. Underrated cast! It should’ve had the same hype with Parasite and Triangle of Sadness. For me, it was simple and well-written. The structure of the story was smart but easy to absorb.

About Us But Not About Us (2022)

The first and last single-location film that I watched was Kisaragi (2007) and I’ve been waiting for something like that since then. One of the most important things i look for a media is the script so i really enjoyed it especially when they switched characters. Very intriguing.

The Little Mermaid (2023)

Been waiting for this since 2019! I’ve been a fan of Halle Bailey since that announcement. I rarely watch things on the cinema, but it’s something i couldn’t miss. Beautiful, pure and magical. Perfect casting and amazing chemistry!

Si Chedeng At Si Apple (2017)

Another chaotic lesbian film, but make it Filipino! It was funny and bloooody just like Bottoms so if you liked it then you should try this one. Not a spoiler, but part of the plot: That lady in yellow killed her abusive husband.

Maria Clara At Ibarra (2022)

I haven’t finished it yet! But i would recommend it! Brought back my trust and love for Filipino series. If you are not Filipino, it’s a good way to learn our history. Fun, written with passion + great set and costume design.

Mga Lihim Ni Urduja (2023)

After Maria Clara at Ibarra, i became more interested in Filipino series especially with historical fiction. This one is so underrated and empowering! Has the prettiest and hottest cast tbh and a queer undertone *wink*

Betcin (2021)

I have to say that this is the best Filo GL/WLW so far. It has an actual interesting story and interesting characters. Both leads are toxic AF, but it was sooooo entertaining. Top tier chemistry. Top tier acting!

Swarm (2023)

As a Beyhive, i don’t really like how they chose us coz there are more crazy fandoms out there, but still watched and finished it because of Dominique Fishback. SHE IS AMAZING. She deserves awards for this portrayal alone.

Ang Babae Sa Septik Tank 3: The Real Untold Story of Josephine Bracken (2011)

Another mockumentary that is to die (of laughter) for! I’ve always wanted to finish the trilogy, but i started with this because of history. Frustratingly funny. I don’t know if i would root for her or not lmao 

The ultimatum: Queer love (2023)

I admit, watching reality shows is my guilty pleasure so imagine my excitement when it’s full of queer women??? The dramaaaa lmao i need more seasons of just sapphics. It’s also a cool and chaotic concept tho. I thought it was just a normal dating show at first. 

Physical 100 (2023)

This is my kind of reality show! I hope it will have multiple versions from different countries. The best thing about it is how fitness is really measured by getting competitors from different backgroundsand giving them different challenges. 

Rookie (2023)

The most anticipated movie of the Filipino sapphics! And if you’re a volleyball fan? I’m sure this would be automatically on your list. It’s just so cute and wholesome. 

Ladies First: A story of women in Hip Hop (2023)

Must watch! Not only for the history of the rap girlies, but to trace back the struggles they faced and are still facing. You might discover talented women to stan in your music or lyrical style too.

[reviewsbyliam]

Nicki Minaj - Last Time I Saw You

(Single Review)

01/09/23

Friendly Reminder: make sure to listen to the song whilst reading!

Nicki Minaj for Last Time I Saw You

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Kicking off September with the supposed lead single from her highly anticipated 5th album 'Pink Friday 2' is none other than Nicki Minaj.

Last Time I Saw You is the 3rd single to be released from her upcoming album, with 1 & 2 being the #1 HIT Super Freaky Girl and Red Ruby Da Sleeze which introduced her new alter ego, Red Ruby Da Sleeze.

Earlier today, Nicki spoke with Zane Lowe on the New Music Daily series which is platformed by Apple Music Radio, touching on the subjects behind the song.

She indicated that it's partly about her late Father, Robert Maraj, who was killed in a hit-and-run in February of 2021, also adding; "The vibe of it was really talking about a loss, a real loss you know. But to not make the song feel only directed at one kind of loss. When I wrote the singing verse, I tried to expand it and think even about relationships. And then by the time I got to the rap, it was like I had included all relationships that I had lost before, because I mentioned even best friends and stuff like that."

Never forgetting to also pay homage to her own personal growth, Nicki stated; "I just wanted the next song that I put out to represent my growth, but not just as an artist, but as a human being. I’ve experienced so many things that I hadn’t experienced five years ago, and that’s just the truth."

Talking earlier today to Zane Lowe about the current rap climate, Nicki said: "I felt that if I don’t take the risk, that I’m just as bad as everyone else who I think should make a change. And not only artists, but people behind the scenes. Because the truth of the matter is people are experiencing real life every day. Believe it or not, people are going through real shit every day. So just because they don’t have that music out to express it, it doesn’t mean they’re not experiencing it."

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Taking risks from the music she has previously put out was the best choice for Nicki, as it proves that no matter how long she has been in the game for; she'll always find a way to create a new wave and ride it like no other whilst managing to stay relatable with her sound and writing.

Diversity in your lyricism and flow alongside experimenting with beats is something that many rappers lack so they choose to stick to their comfort zones, but for Nicki? That's not her story. Each album she has put out for public consumption has been consistently different. From flows, beats, lyrics, alter egos, stories - nothing is the same. Nicki being 15 years into her career and still finding ways to elevate her musical skill is truly inspirational.

After becoming a mother and surviving a very consistent hate train from the general public in 2018 that lasted for a couple years, it's more obvious now than ever that Nicki is ready to show the world what shes made of once again and gently but savagely remind people that whilst they might be able to play with others, they can't play with her. At all.

I'm personally extremely excited for her new album and eager to hear what sounds she has been experimenting with in her studio, alongside everything else that comes. Being a fan since Pink Friday was first released in 2010, it always is anxiety inducing when you don't exactly know where your favorite artists creative mind is directing itself, but then I also find that's what makes it so exciting about being a fan of that person, because when their past work is so consistent and still streamed to this day, you know you won't be let down no matter what, especially when its a mastermind like Nicki Minaj.

PINK FRIDAY 2 OUT NOVEMBER 17TH 2023

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CONCLUSION: A very emotionally layered track from Nicki that is upbeat and catchy whilst managing to stay unique, securing it's destiny for greatness. I (like many others) found myself able to relate on a personal level with past and current situations and even found myself getting a bit emotional at one point once I understood her own personal connections with the song. A very cohesive, well produced track with outstanding vocals and flow from Nicki.

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Last Time I Saw You is a certified 10/10 by Reviews By Liam

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Thank you for checking out my review of Nicki Minaj's new single Last Time I Saw You!

If you would like to listen to Last Time I Saw You, it is available to stream on Spotify and Apple Music, or purchase from iTunes.

Please support my blog by giving me a follow and sharing my reviews with your family and friends, whilst not forgetting to leave your own comments below!

X (Twitter): reviewsbyliam

Instagram: reviewsbyliam

[kendrixtermina]

WTF happened? A compilation of the Evidence so Far and an attempt at a Nuanced Take.

So, the allegations regarding Rammstein.

I’m going to have to talk about them, both because the band has been a part of my life for so long it’s a family running gag, and for my own damn peace of mind.

I first saw it in an internet news article a few days ago.

My first response was to try as best as I could to suspend judgement.

The last thing I want to do is have any irrational loyalty when its ‘my turn’ to listen to reality over any personal attachment I would have.

However, two things can be true at the same time:

a) A lot of abuse goes on in showbiz & victims are often not believed

b) Crazy stories get made up about people whom the media or politcal movements have listed as “enemy” – and that’s been the case for them a long time.

The media responses have been very black & white, with on the one hand the classic cancellation treatment of ending all contracts and basically un-personing them, and on the other hand you got reports of some unsavory fans running the classic ‘they’re just lying for attention’ script.

(Let’s get this one out of the way real fast: That has never once happened ever. No one just “makes shit up for attention”. At the same time, there’s no fandom that doesn’t have a loony fringe.

I’m also not going to insult your intellect with any variant of ‘why didn’t they come forward earlier’ or ‘if it really happened she would have done x’)

The band itself has put out a statement to ‘not harass or prejudge any of the plaintiffs’ and that they ‘have a right to state their view of things’

I would agree with that, at least.

This is not the trump/tate/kavenaugh esque cannet ‘I don’t know that woman’ or instant ‘DARVO defamation’ that you usually see & sounds more like the people I thought I knew, but on the other hand, what was repeated over all the tabloid articles looked like an open shut case. Supposedly there was roofies involved (which proves intent all in itself) and multiple accusers.

One person might make things up, but multiple people usually means it’s real, as it would be unrealistic for them to have coordinated.

So I decided that I was going to go digging through all the articles & posts etc. I could find to form my own opinion of WTF happened, if nothing else for closure. The articles said a lot of the same things, but they were vague. At least, I wanted the gory details.

I’m just going to record my findings so far mostly for my own peace of mind & emotional processing, and for anyone who might be wondering what to think.

I’m just going to go through various different data points in ascending order of severity & perceived credibility.

Keep in mind, this is not a finished opinion, I am really processing out loud, still letting things settle, and waiting for further revelations that could easily change everything.

I want as much as I can to remain open to any new evidence thatmight still pour in.

0. The Music

First let’s get the (albeit mostly irrelevant) elephant out of the way:

Yes, the songs/lyrics depict copious violence that is often sexual in nature, but it’s very much in an ‘fascination with the disturbing’ kind of way that grounds inself in a clear understanding that what’s depicted is, in fact, disturbing. It’s often told from the PoV of the perpetrator but if you analyze the lyrics with basic reading comprehension you’ll see that it’s self-aware about being carnography (that is the overlap between horror, gore and porn) – the perp’s twisted rationalizations will be lampshaded and hints at the victim’s pain strewn in.

It’s like ‘Lolita’ – it’s told from the crazy person’s PoV in their romantic fetishistic detail, but the author wants you to piece together what ‘actually’ happened and strews in hints.

That was supposedly the joy of it, that there was depht to find, interpret & analyze get this ‘delayed-action scare’ from.

It’s self-aware, which actual glorification isn’t – that sounds more like ‘bitch actually wanted it’ or ‘she was asking for it’ rather than ‘no one hears her cry’ or having the perp turn around a picture of Jesus so it doesn’t see his wicked deeds.

So it seems… incongruent, to me, that the person who wrote this doesn’t get that roofie-ing someone is bad.

As an artist myself I of course want to believe that a person’s true soul is reflected and immortalized in their art, but there’s nothing more dangerous than thinking oneself immune to deception, wouldn’t be the first hypocrite.

So I really did have a huge moment of thinking,… “Was it all a lie?” Did this art that I loved and was probably the biggest influence on my writing style just never really exist?

I’d certainly feel disapointed, humbled and betrayed, as if all the jeers of those who gave me the side eye for liking dark content had been confirmed.

Well, the truth doesn’t care what I think, it’s not about me, but the potential victims. So I am going to put all these feelings in a box.

But it’s worth noting that, despite the bombastic stage persona and having starred in hardcore sadomaso porn, Till was always described by everyone who knew him as a shy, polite and intelligent person in his personal life.

Wouldn’t be the first asshole whom everyone thought was “so nice”, but you can’t use the music as an argument for that.

1. The Parties.

That there were parties for potential groupies, I believe at once. It’s corroberated by many reports going years back and the part that everyone agrees on. You’d be stupid not to believe it. It does fit his impulsive, disinhibited character.

However, and I know some here are gonna have different values about this: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that so long as everyone involved was a consenting adult.

A lot of the so-called “dozens” of reports including kayla the youtuber were basically just people realizing it’s a sex thing & getting uncomfortable or offended about the very fact that it was a sex thing & that there were women willingly throwing themselves at Till.

I don#t doubt that they freaked out, got a fright and felt unsafe, but when you filter about the influence of their racing thoughts, uncomfy brain & ‘bad vibes’, most of these situations are pretty much nothingburgers. Full rooms with numerous witnesses were people were just drinking & having fun. Obviously you can’t bring phones to orgies, tat would jeopardize ppl’s privacy.

I’m not saying they were lying about feeling unsafe, but I think we can all think of examples for how feeling safe and being safe are two pairs of shoes.

There were many people who actually were at those parties posting on reddit or getting interviewed on youtube describing great consensual sex and/or just fun atmosphere so IDK how much of their perception of ‘weird atmosphere’ is just projection of their own discomfort.

I’m not saying this because I don’t want to see the truth, this has always been my opinion. I never got people investing great significance in age gaps once everyone is past the ‘adult’ threshold or generally flattening the whole spectrum of human interaction into simple flat power dynamics with an unassailablemaster & mind-controlled slave.

I’ve gone to sex parties; Heck, when I was 20 I got shitfaced & screwed a much older dude and I found both those experiences not only positive but healing.

It bothers me how the entire interiority choice & angency of willing participants is just erased and its just blanket declared that they can’t know what they want. So far, everyone I’ve heard of as being involved was an adult even if they were young, we’re not talking about children and it’s demeaning to act as if they were.

I’m not defending a rich old dude; I’ve little hope of ever being one. I’m defending myself, as someone who has been a young woman, and wound like to have the right to determine what my experiences mean & not have others tell me. I think if someone wants to take advantage of a chance to screw someone they view as extremly desirable and get a piece of some powerful guy using the limited resource of their attractiveness, they should get to. It’s practically animal instinct.

I don’t think inviting someone somewhere to possibly hit on them in harassment; It only becomes harassment if you don’t go away if they say no, or use threat/coersion.

He ‘picked’ the ones he’d actually be interested in but that would only have the sort of character the news are depicting it as if there was then coersion, not just an offer.

In the bulk of the reports he would hit on ppl but immediately accept it & back away if they said no, and the people who reported feeling uncomfortable all left with no problem without being pushed or forced to anything; Everyone was free to leave the ‘suckbox’ at any time.

That, of course,  is the next big question. Did any of that take place. Just because some had a great experience doesn’t mean others can’t have had awful ones.

2. The Shelby & Kayla Stories

So, here I am mostly dissapointed at the media.

There were multiple people on reddit, tumblr, youtube or newspaper (some showing their real life face, or having video of the event) who were on the same party in Vilnius. It’s not just one person claiming something but testimonies acting up

The vodka was opened before the eyes of all the guests and all of them drank from the same bottles

According to her friends, Shelby is on a SSRI medication that can interfere with alcohol & apparently the combination explains all the symptoms she had

She started drinking early & acted quite inebriated (probably due to the meds interference), at one point she bumped into the stage & ran into things – this probably explains the bruise

While there was some smashing of glasses, it was more of a ritual that was often done at  parties, like Till would start smashing his Vodka glass fter finishing it & everyone else would join in.

Shelby left early & wasn’t even there for the last of the party

Even she clearly stated that a) no one touched her b) Till respected it & moved on when she refused his advances c) she saw nothing being done to anyone else while she was there

Most likely conclusion: There was never any roofies, her meds are to blame.

I would presume she woke up the next day, only remembering fragments at first, and panicked. I can’t even blame her. It’s super common for ppl to mistakenly think they might have been spiked after having too much to drink.  

She isn’t ‘lying’, she merely jumped to conclusions, though she could have checked with her friends first before putting it on the internet, I can’t blame her for panicking under the circumstances.

Honestly it’s logical to assume it was the last guy who hit on her.

The is important insofar as it puts a different light on everything that follows when others saw her post & were asked about if anyone had similar experiences.

Ovsly ppl took this seriously & began re-evaluating experiences in the light of that possibility in a low-key mass panic.

This is especially relevant for the casus Kayla – Facebook posts show she had a “good time” at the concert despite noping out of the sex thing (before Till even arrived) but after that I suppose she began to worry if any of the other girls she saw might have been drugged.

3. The Italian Man Story

You know, the super gross one with the big bowl of ‘mysterious cocktails’ and the band members fighting over some girl.

It’s fiction on par with the ‘hilary clinton trafficking ring’.

It’s deliberately engineered to be schocking & trigger your emotions but when you think about it, it doesn’t add up logically. Even if everything else were done & they’re all guilty this probably still didn’t happen because, for starters, if multiple ambulances had been called, the fucking certainly wouldn’t have continued as the paramedics showed up. There would at least have been something about drunken people passing out at a concert.

Also the ‘bowl with mysterious cocktails personally prepared by Till’ looks like a plot hint in a book.

You can’t get accurate dosages by putting into into a bowl and a whole room was drugged at once they couldn’t have walked home.

Plus the ‘italian man’ is too busy presenting himself as a hero rather than describe himself being realistically shocked.

I’m surprised Spiegel printed this, though I suppose any claims are in the public interest.

4. The Anonymous Reports from the Reportage

Now comes the serious part however, because these I believe are 100% true, were compiled by serious journalists,  and probably happened exactly as described – they’re anonymous, so the women have nothing to gain. Plus, the reports sound like authentic memories in exciting or traumatic situations: The order may be jumbled but there are exact details down to what people were thinking or exact words that were said.

There is just no honest reason to assume otherwise.

That said, the snippets of them that were taken out into other articles/tablids were WAY out of context – with an important exception (which I will discuss as its own bullet point), most of the people questioned considered what took place a good experience at the time, told their friends of a ‘good time’, though some had their doubts or regrets later on when the discussions began or friends had different opinions on it.

The person that supposedly had vaginal bleeding actually had some condition that made vaginal intercourse harder but then they ended up doing it anyway apparently at her suggestion – Till is said to have asked several times if it’s ok.

In general there is talk/communication going on in these

While two people did speak of memory gaps or fragmented memories, it seems from the circumstances and the detailled way  things were described that it was just booze.

And it was not, as you might get from the out-of-context quote, some unconscious person being molested on a floor somewhere but rather there was back & forth talking like he was always asking “Is that ok”, “may I do this?” “Should we stop?” etc.

That’s not something you do if you don’t care about the other person, their consent or their enjoyment.

Even so, if the two ended up concluding later that they were probably too drunk & partially weren’t sure what was happening, the sex probably shouldn’t have happened.

He fucked up, no question.

Chances are he was intoxicated, too, but while I have said before that all this supposed ‘power imbalance’ alk doesn’t negate free will, I do think it creates a greater responsibility on his part to ensure their well-being and greater accountability.

Still this rather looks like he misjudged how drunk they were rather than deliberately taking advantage of an unconscious person, the latter is a misrepresentation by the media.

5. THAT one report

Then there is the unambiguous ‘nightmare story’ where there can be no doubt that the girl found it traumatic.

Apparently she clenched up (ostensibly vaginismus) and the whole sex was painful, which she was embarassed to say however, so she just waited for it to be over out of a mix of being stunned and not wanting to lose her one special chance with him.

I think we can all agree that this kind of thing should never happen.

She explicitly says she choose not to say anything, however. – which is NOT to say that its “her own fault” or that she “should have spoken up” but rather, though the damage is the same, there is a different between accident, negligence, manslaughter & murder, degrees of culpability.

In a legal sense it probably wouldn’t count as rape (that requires ‘visible refusal’) but it certainly wasn’t enthusiastic consent either. But this is kind of exactly why education is so important because besides fight & flight there ARE those fawn & freeze responses & if you’re not attentive enough you could  trigger your partner into ‘just putting up with it’ without meaning to /realizing. People don’t notice their gf’s saying nothing about painful sex all the time there were tons of articles about it not too long ago.

Whatever you want to label it she had a shitty, possibly damaging experience that could have been prevented, and that would have been his responsibility to avoid.

So no, he did not ‘do nothing wrong’ The onus was on him, especially as someone active in the BDSM scene he should know the important of safewords, commination & aftercare.

He fucked up, the whole enterprise should have been sanity checked because even if some vibed with it & had a good time, you just shouldn’t ever be triggering people’s fight-or-flight responses in a bedroom situation.  There shouldn’t even be a risk of that because if there is there might be people like this girl or the two too-drunk ones.

Ultimately, though, this is still night and day compared to the story going through the media right now with the roofies.

There’s a big difference from someone who thinks others wellbeing doesn’t matter than one who think it does but fucked up.

But ultimately this goes further than Till as a person. This isnt even really about him. 

It’s more like – no one wants this. I don’t think he wanted this. But how do we as a society deal with it?

Because I think it’s very important that those girls should be able to talk about their experiences. Feedback should be given and socuety should be percolated by an understanding that this is not ok.

At the same time, at present we only seem to have the options of exhonoration or ostracism – which creates an incentive to DARVO and victim-blame to avoid the total destruction of ostracism in a population that is usually low on scruples.

With cases like trump or tate, the issue is clear: Those don’t think they’re doing anything wrong eyond lipservice & will just keep doing it again & again; Complete ostracism, unpersoning & refusal to ever platform them again really is the only answer, there is no reflection, talking sense or expecting behavior changes from those.

But what about situations where you have someone who nominally believes in consent but fails to apply it & walks away thinking the situation was mutually enjoyable? IT’s kind of like the Melanie Martizez case. More ambiguous, really, because she was reported even by consenting partners to be rather pushy whereas here we have someone who ostensibly has a habit of asking ‘is this ok’ ‘may I do that’, ‘are you ok’ etc but did it a few times too few.

Someone who fucked up but didn’t want to. What do we do with these? Whenever anyone brings up the possibility of ‘misreading signals’ or something it’s told off as an excuse but it’s a genuine worry people have.

The closest conceot we have for that is maybe what you do if someone had a stronger reaction to or felt triggered by some BSDM thing & that needs to be talked out & corrected but in that case theres a more direct feedback loop…

One thing is clear: We can’t have situations where ppl feel triggered or unsafe or have bad experiences like this.

Apparently consequences have already been drawn and the parties things in cancelled forever anyways & everyone involved got a wakeup call. (as per Christoph’s recent post which more or less reflects similar conclusions to my analysis here – and I am still holding out on forming conclusions, really, but what I heard there at least sounds like the intelligent, differentiated people I thought I knew, though I’m not ready to remove that ‘thought’ yet )

I mean, the band themselves is lying in the bed they made but I’m feeling sorry for, well, the victims of course, but also loyal fans who may forgive what actually happened but everyone around them thinks the tabloid version took place. (which if it were true would have been burn-in-hell territory)

Sigh. The world is complicated and exhausting and human beings hurt each other so much all the time for stupid reasons and we can never ever have nice things.

[cannibalcoyote]

Johnny Depp: Bodyguard Bestfriend

Imagine being a long time bodyguard for the Depp family, and having to be a witness during the trial:

*Includes blood, violence and domestic violence, based off of real events but not completely accurate*

Well, this is not where I expected to be. The year is 2022, and I'm currently sitting in court, waiting to be called to the stand.

_______

I can still remember the day I got fresh out of the army, I had a music major under my belt as well as 5 years active duty as a Calvary Scout.

I was so lost, I had no idea what I was doing, so I just started applying for security jobs - figuring my military time would come in handy, it did.

I got hired by a company that ran a security-for-hire gig, renting us out to anyone that needed us. I got a lot of shit at first due to my height, being only 5'6 isn't exactly scary, not to mention that women also aren't very intimidating usually. I did prove my worth in the end, I had a lot of training when it came to hand-to-hand combat, and I was also very adept at creating plans and schedules.

That's actually how I met Mr.Depp, or Johnny as he prefers... He had hired us for a gig out in LA; he had his family with him at one of the red carpet events, and wanted complete security for his wife and children. We hadn't talked at all, I was the head of my crew, making sure everyone was in position and ready in case some fan - or fanatic as I prefer - came jumping at them.

There were two people that had me on edge though, Johnny has two young children, and children tend to be unpredictable. This only became apparent after the night had already begun, Jack stayed close to his parents, but Lily seemed intrigued by me. Maybe it was because I was the only female security guard there, I really don't know.

It wasn't really annoying or anything, all that happened was she walked with me, wanting to hold my hand as we walked past the screaming fans. She got kind of scared of them, clinging onto my hand and sleeve, I knelt down and offered her my sunglasses, which she skeptically put on.

"Now those flashes won't hurt your eyes." I state with a smile that she immediately returns, flinging her arms around me in a hug. The screaming increases in intensity at this, making her friendly hug turn into a slightly scared embrace. I sigh quietly as I look to see the family quite a ways away, 'no way she'll do that alone' I think to myself.

I release another exasperated sigh before wrapping my arms around her delicately, picking her up.

"Don't drop my glasses kid." I say sarcastically, hearing her lightly giggle as I start walking back to Mr.Depp and his family.

Entering the awards was a breeze, there were fences, security guards were everywhere, everyone stuck together; it's the leaving that causes issues. Mr.Depp has a habit of wanting to leave early, meaning that it's just us against an ocean of people.

I already assumed he would want to leave early, so I had my crew create a tunnel through the crowd for the family that led them straight to the car. Everything had gone just as planned, although one issue did arise, Lily-Rose had disappeared. They were in the limo and Johnny was thunderous, exclaiming that they couldn't find Lily as he hurriedly attempted to exit the car.

My men looked to me, I took over, ordering some to stay with the car and for the rest to get searching. I looked over at Mr.Depp, who had one foot out of the car, with a sigh I walked over and gently shoved him back inside the car. He was obviously unhappy, even more so since I stopped him from exiting the vehicle.

"What are you doing! I have to find my daughter!" He yelled as he tried again, but I blocked his attempt.

"Mr.Depp, I have my men out looking for her, we won't leave without her." I reply calmly.

"That's not good enough!" He huffed angrily, glaring at me.

I was getting nowhere with him being polite, time to switch tactics.

"Take a look around sir! If you get out now, not only will your daughter be missing, but you will be too!" I exclaimed, glaring back at him as I waved my hand towards the frenzied crowd. He took a few seconds just looking around, I noticed his anger slowly slip off of his face, instead replaced by worry and fear.

"Sir please, if I know you'll stay in the car with your family, I can send more people to search for her." I explain, resting a reassuring hand on his stiff shoulder. He looks down to me, his face holding a calmer tone as he nods in understanding, sitting back in the car with a defeated sigh.

"Just find my daughter please." I nod my head, stationing 4 men on the car before sending the rest to search for Lily. I start searching as well, although I walk along the outskirts of the crowd to observe them.

The place is full of hustle and bustle, some of the fans seem to be looking for her as well, my crew are sweating bullets in fear of the repercussions for losing one of their clients. I simply shake my head, now is not the time to think of the repercussions, I need to keep my head in the game.

Turning around to glance back at the car, I notice something in the distance and take off running, two large figures are dragging away what looks to be a resistant juvenile. I call over my shoulder for some help, continuing my sprint when I hear some of my guys following me. When we get closer we can hear muffled cries and screams, it triggers an aggressiveness in myself that I'm surprised by.

We tackle the guys, quickly subduing them. I hand mine off to the other guy, worried I might do something rash. I quickly pull Lily away, not wanting her anywhere near those guys.

"Lily, what happened?" Her voice is uneven as she stutters out an answer. Explaining how she went looking for me before she was grabbed by them. I have to hold in my tears, she was looking for me? This is my fault, I should've kept a closer eye on her, especially after what happened earlier today!

I hug her tightly, making sure that knows she is safe now, that her daddy and mommy are waiting in the car. I kiss the top of her head, feeling her curl up against me in a comforting embrace. I heave a sigh before calling over two other guards, asking them to escort Lily back to the car.

She is reluctant, refusing to let go of me at first, but I made a promise to check in with her when I reach their hotel. That did the trick because she slowly released her hold.

I sternly instruct the guards to keep a firm hold of both her hands as they walk her to the car, not wanting her to slip away to look for me again.

I tiredly turn around to the two men on the ground, rolling my eyes as I call the police to have them taken in. This was an attempted kidnapping after all, can't let them roam the streets.

The cops arrive a few minutes after the limos leave, the situation takes about an hour overall, meaning the time is now around 11pm. I send the two remaining guards home before I begin driving over to the hotel. My stomach feels sick, I'm unsure of what will happen when I arrive.

Walking into the lobby, I'm immediately met by some of my men. They explain that Mr.Depp has demanded to see me as soon as I arrived, now I feel sick as a dog. The elevator ride was eerie, I've never felt so nervous, but then again, my client's daughter has never been kidnapped before either.

I still try to hurry, not allowing my worry to slow my actions. Although, my timid knocks may have given away your uneasiness.

A few seconds pass as the door unlocks and swings open, being met with the neutral look of Mr.Depp

"Mr. Depp I—" I got interrupted by a light tackle to your legs. Looking down, I notice it's Lily latched onto me, a contagious smile spreading across my face. My nervousness completely disappears as I kneel down to her level

"Shouldn't you be asleep right now?" I ask lightly as she pulls back from the hug. As she's about to respond, Johnny interrupts, saying it's past her bedtime, and that he had some business to discuss.

He had the whole penthouse floor to himself, so he simply walked to the outside patio on the opposite side for us to talk. I started getting nervous, he probably brought me over here so his family won't hear him yelling at me. He takes a breath, and I brace myself

"Thank you... for today." His voice is quiet but firm as he speaks.

To say I'm shocked is an understatement, his daughter nearly gets kidnapped, and he's thanking me? He turns around, being met with my astonished expression

"But sir, your daughter was kidnapped because I-" I attempt to say, but he halts my sentence.

"STOP... Stop it, I know you're blaming yourself." His tone is stern, almost fatherly, he is old enough to be my father.

"But sir, it was my negligence that led to thi-" I attempted to continue, but was cut off once again as he grabbed both my shoulders, forcing me to face him. His face is calm and serious as he speaks to me.

"No, no it wasn't, Lily told me what happened." He explained.

I stayed silent, wondering what she said, we looked at each other for a few solemn seconds before he let out a silent huff. His hand slips from my shoulders as he turns around and rests them on the railing, gazing at the city lights.

"She told me how she purposely went off looking for you even though she knew she wasn't allowed to do that." He continued.

"I'm also sorry... about yelling at you earlier, I was scared for my daughter, but that's not an excuse for my actions." He apologized, shoulders slumping as he spoke.

"It's alright-" I try to reply, I'm starting to understand where Lily gets her interrupting habit from.

"No it's not, stop trying to let me off the hook just like that, let me finish my piece." He stated in that stern fatherly tone again as he turned to face me. I sheepishly avoid eye contact, nodding my head for him to continue. A few seconds pass before he speaks again.

"Come to breakfast with my family tomorrow, we all would like to thank you, not to mention, I may have some business to discuss with you." With that he turns and walks off, leaving me standing there dumbfounded.

__

The next day we had a friendly breakfast, it made me think of when I was still close with my family.

Lily clung to my side the whole time, asking about my job, if it was fun, what I used to do, where I'm from. So many questions were asked within the span of 1 hour. Johnny had me stay behind, walking us over to a nearby cafe to discuss "business," whatever that means

"I want to hire you." He abruptly stated, stopping me from sipping my drink.

"You already hired me?" I reply with a confused tone, scrunching my eyebrows slightly.

"No, I mean, I want you to be part of the permanent security team. That means you'll travel with me and will always be near." It took me a few moments to realize the sincerity in his tone, he was being serious. He wanted to hire me after what happened yesterday?!

"What? why?" I exclaimed in confusion and shock, stuttering when I realized how rude that must've sounded.

My stuttering is cut off by his laughter, obviously finding my reaction amusing. He calms down quickly, but an endearing smile remains on his face

"I like you, you're surprisingly easy to talk to even though you are so quiet. My family seems to enjoy your company even though we've only known you for a day, my daughter has also taken to you surprisingly well."

"Okay, but don't you want my CV and everything?" I respond, still a little confused. He rubs the back of his neck, his grin turning into a sheepish smile

"I may have called your boss last night and requested your folder..." he trails off, looking at his drink.

"What... Are they even allowed to give you that?" I responded.

"Sorry about that, and no, I don't think they were allowed to do that." He replies, glancing back at me. I'm still shocked, my mouth hanging open slightly

"I know that's a bit intruding and inappropriate of me, but we're leaving soon and I-" He rambles, but now it's my turn to interrupt him.

"I accept." He's about to continue his explanation before an astonished look washed over him

"You do?" He asks, tone showing how surprised he is, perhaps he thought I would turn his offer down.

"Yes, now if you don't mind, I'd like to drink my coffee now."

For the rest of the day he had a big as smile on his face, which only grew as he told his family the news.

_______

From that day on, I lived and traveled with them, scheduling the details and shifts, making sure everything was ready for his arrival, I even sometimes functioned as a tutor.

At first he had me as just a guard for the entire family, but as the kids got older he assigned me specifically as Lily's bodyguard. I didn't mind this, it just meant that we could go out shopping together more often. As she grew, we developed a very close bond. When she was younger she acted like I was a second mother, but when she became a teen I became her big sister.

Over the years, Mr. Depp became Johnny whenever it was just us or the family. He always scolded me for calling him Mr.Depp, saying it made him sound old. He really became a father figure for me, especially after he finally learned why I never mention or talk to my family. Mrs.Paradis, or Vanessa as she preferred, became friends with me, though we weren't as close as Lily and I. Jack also became closer with me, though I could tell he felt a little awkward around me, I think he has a slight crush, though I can't be certain.

They became my family, I loved them so much, I hoped it would never end. Of course, all good things eventually die.

I was on set with Johnny for the Rum Diaries, it wasn't unusual for him to bring me along, it felt more like bringing his daughter with him instead of a bodyguard.

It was all fun, the movie was going great, he seemed to be having fun. But something was different after he returned home, he seemed off, like something was eating away at him. I tried getting him to talk, he just brushed it off, saying it was nothing; but I could tell by his smile that he was trying to reassure himself as well.

That was the beginning of the end for my happy family, the separation was not something anyone was happy about. I knew it stung when Vanessa learned how much younger Amber Heard was, she confided in me that this was something she always feared deep down. His kids were okay, they weren't ecstatic, but they weren't angry either; I could tell they just wanted their father to be happy.

Amber was... something else. Johnny seemed happy, it was like a year long honeymoon phase, although she wasn't exactly the nicest person if you ask me. Jack and Lily quickly began to dislike her, as did I, we would actively avoid her at all costs.

I especially tried to avoid her, she would always glare at me if I was anywhere near Johnny, demanding that I call him Mr.Depp even when we were just at home. She set me on edge, and the wedding only made it worse.

Lily was vehemently against attending the wedding, meaning I wouldn't be going either since she wanted to go out instead. I pulled Johnny aside and explained the situation. He was unhappy, but accepted his daughter's decision.

Before we left for our trip I pulled Johnny aside, taking both his hands warmly in mine as I said my congratulations and wished him well.

I spot Amber in the distance, beginning to walk towards us, so I hurry myself. I un-clip the chain around my neck, taking Johnny's hand, allowing it to coil in his palm before closing it. I look at him, smiling at the shock on his face, clearly surprised by my actions.

"B-but, that's your fathers ring!" He stutters, conflicted by what I've done.

"And now it's yours." I reply

"Y/N, I can't take this!" He exclaims, trying to give it back, but I shove his hand into his chest.

"Johnny, you've been more of a father than he ever was... I want you to have it." I responded quietly, feeling embarrassed by what I said.

He smiles as he pulls me in for a warm hug, immediately making me feel at ease. As we part, he kisses my check gently before separating completely. He removes the ring from the necklace, sliding it onto his middle finger before re-clipping the chain around my neck.

I thank him, and he's about to speak when Amber steps into our conversation. I can tell by the hostile glare in her eyes that she isn't very happy with me, but Johnny doesn't seem to notice. She drags him away before he could speak, but I simply smile and wave as he sheepishly does the same.

I pivot on my heel and head off to find Lily.

_______

If I thought she was bad before the wedding, I had no idea what was coming after the honeymoon.

Something was off with Johnny, he was a lot quieter, and that's saying something since he is already a reserved person. They also seemed to argue, I already knew about their arguments from before, but now they seemed to be happening in the open a lot more. Lily hated Amber, refusing to interact with her, always dragging me away to her room whenever Amber was near.

I don't object, Amber had taken to yelling at me too, so I enjoyed the moments Lily and I would scramble away and avoid talking to her. We survived like that for a few weeks, but then Johnny called us into the living room. Lily and I glanced at each other in confusion, wondering if either of us did something wrong.

"Y/N, Lily, I've called you here because there is going to be a slight change in Y/N's job." Lily and I both relaxed, assuming that it was going to be small and insignificant.

"From now on Y/N, you will be Amber's personal bodyguard." My eyes widened, I glanced over at Lily to see what I'm sure is the same reaction as me. Lily opens her mouth to argue, but Johnny holds up his hand to silence her.

"My decision is final." I looked away from Johnny to see Lily's eyes watering subtly. She looked between them both before running off back to her room; I went to run after her, but a firm grasp yanked me back.

Looking back to them, I noticed it was Amber who had pulled me back, a stern scowl on her face.

"Where do you think you're going?" She asks, her voice is definitely going to get on my nerves.

"To talk to Lily?" I state in confusion, wondering why she stopped me.

"She'll be fine, but I need you, I'm heading out with my sister to go shopping. Be ready in 10." She left no room for me to talk, simply turning and walking off. To say I was stunned is an understatement, so much is happening, it's hard to wrap my head around it.

I must've looked as lost as I felt because Johnny reached over and placed his hand delicately on my shoulder. I nervously look at him, being brought back to Earth by the warm, gentle look in his eyes.

"Are you alright, doll?" I smile slightly at the pet name, he's been calling me that since about a year after hiring me(I told him about how the guys in my unit jokingly called me"Doll").

"Yah, I'm just... Shocked. It never ran through my head that you might assign me to someone else, I guess it was unexpected for Lily too." I reply, looking down in thought.

"I never did plan on assigning you to someone else." Johnny stated, his voice holding a hint of annoyance, but it was well hidden.

"What do you mean?" I asked, now completely confused.

"Humph, I didn't want to reassign you, but Amber practically demanded that you be assigned as her personal bodyguard." He responds, looking away as he explains, it sounds like he wants to complain, but he is holding back.

I open my mouth to respond, but my voice is taken away as I gasp in surprise. Johnny looks at me, startled by my unexpected reaction. Now that he's looking at me, my eyes widen in worry.

"What? What is it?" He asks quickly, wanting to know what's made me like this.

I slowly reach my hand out towards his face, he lets me, it's not uncommon for me to poke him or fix his hair, but this is different. My hand gently caresses the skin under his left eye, how did I not notice the swelling?

When he realizes what I'm doing, he almost reels back within the blink of an eye, turning around so I'm facing his back.

"Johnny. What's going on?" It was meant to be a question, but it came out as a demand. His body deflates slightly, realizing I'm not letting him off the hook. He turns to speak, but is interrupted by Amber bustling down the stairs, speaking loudly on the phone.

"Y/N, hurry up and pull the car around already, we have to pick up my sister and you're making us late." Amber states in a grating tone.

"Alright alright, but give me a second, wanna take a selfie with Johnn-err Mr.Depp." I state, quickly correcting myself after noticing the look in Amber's eyes.

"Why do you want a picture with him, you see him everyday." She stated flatly.

"My family demands proof that I work for him." I reply effortlessly, she luckily has no idea that my family and I have had no communication for over 10 years. Johnny, however, immediately noticed my lie, thankfully only side-eying me.

I take out my phone, standing next to him, taking a few, telling Johnny to angle his head more to the right in a few. I smile after our 10 second photo-shoot, hugging him quickly before speed-walking out the door to grab the car.

He's probably flabbergasted right now, wondering why I lied about my family, and why I wanted to take some pictures with him. To be honest, I don't think that swelling got there due to something innocent, so I took a shit ton of pictures with him so that I can look at them.

I drive the car around to the front and wait for Amber. In my spare time, I open my phone and look at some of the photos. Not gonna lie, he's always prepared for a picture, even when he's caught completely off guard.

Analyzing the pictures, I note the swelling under his eye, as well as his cheek and a little bit on his nose. It's subtle, I'm surprised I caught it. He's also got a very light bruise that looks like it's in the last stage of healing. I go to look closer, but quickly shut my phone off as Amber enters the back of the car.

_______

That wasn't the only time I had an impromptu photo-shoot with Johnny, there were quite a few to come, all of them capturing worse injuries than before. Halfway into their marriage I knew for sure what was happening, before that I had only heard the fights and been left to assume, but getting caught in their fight was wild.

Amber had been up in his face, pushing him, saying vulgar and cruel things as he tried to leave. The other security were looking at me, wondering what they should do. This wasn't the first time we removed Johnny for his safety, so I quickly sent a text for someone to pack him a bag, motioning one of the guards to grab the car and bring it around.

I was Amber's guard, I'm supposed to protect her, but I know deep down that my default is to always protect my true family, and that certainly isn't her. So when I walk over and see her pull her arm back to slap him, I don't hesitate to stop her.

I grab her arm, shoving her back so that I'm between them. I don't want to fight her, that would definitely get me fired, the only thing I can do right now is protect Johnny, and possibly myself. The anger in her expression magnifies as she looks back to me, Walking up and getting in my space, clearly wanting a reaction. I stand firm, not allowing her to get to Johnny, but not wanting to hurt her either.

"Get out of here Johnny." I say, not removing my eyes from the threat.

"And leave you here? No way." He states firmly.

"I'll be fine alright, I'll catch up with you okay? G/N(guards name)! Take Mr. Depp to the car and get him out of here!" I shout to the guard across the room. I can see him coming closer in my peripheral, leading Johnny away, though I can tell Johnny felt extremely conflicted.

All the while, I'm blocking Amber as they escape, not letting my guard down until I hear the elevators beep from down the hall. When she realizes they are gone, it's like she somehow got even angrier. She looks down the hallways, then fixes her glare on me. Before I have time to react, I find myself across the floor, my mind dazed, a stinging on the left side of my face.

I shake myself as I stand, taking a few seconds to realize I just got punched in the face. I touched my lip, it got caught on my tooth and is bleeding something terrible. I wiped the blood off with my sleeve, but know it's useless right now.

"Oh, don't tell me you've never bled before? What with your military time?" Her voice is so patronizing as she leers, she taunts me anytime she can and it's reaching a boiling point.

"ENOUGH!" I yell, but she simply smirks, enjoying my reaction.

"Too scared to fight me? Afraid you'll lose?" She continues her taunting, looking down at me with her annoying height.

"More like I'm afraid I'll kill you." I state grimly, my instincts telling me she's going to strike out and that I should attack her first, but I know if I hurt her, it'll get turned on me. I wait a second, taking in a deep breath before shaking my head and turning around.

"Stop running! You people can't keep RUNNING!" She screams as she shoves me back around, screaming in my face.

"You make us run! You're so fucking awful that the only thing we can do is leave!" I shout back, shoving her off of me.

"If you walk out that door, consider yourself fired." She states arrogantly as I walk to the front door. My hand hovers for a second as I think everything over.

"I consider that a blessing, but you're not my boss." I growl before turning the handle and walking down the hall, taking the stairs instead of the elevator. I call G/N, asking them to send me the address as I start up my car.

Johnny was not happy when I got there, in fact, he looked ready to tear into me, but immediately stopped when he saw my face. About halfway through the drive I started crying, wondering how long she's been hurting him, how long she's been treating him like shit. He only takes a second to study me before rushing forward, pulling me into a comforting embrace as I cried into his shoulder

It's kind of funny looking back now, he was so focused on comforting me even though he was the one experiencing that mistreatment for years. He was always a gentle and caring man, but that moment made me realize just how selfless he is.

From that moment on, he allowed me to photograph his injuries without making me act as if I simply wanted selfies with him. He only agreed to it as long as I wouldn't let myself get hit for him, he hated seeing me get injured, and he didn't want his spouse to be the cause of it. I was scared when I agreed, scared that I could do nothing, but I quickly realized that getting him out of there would keep us both safe.

I kept all the photos on my computer, making sure to have duplicates, as well as keeping a hidden copy of prints. Johnny would also send me photos from when I got hurt, he wanted me to save them as well. She's only hurt me a few times, mainly when I try to get between her and Johnny, I usually would've broken her arm already, but I could never do anything to hurt Johnny.

_______

I was brought forward as one of Johnny's witnesses, I didn't want to go up there, to explain what I had to witness and allowed to happen. I felt disgusted with myself that I let Johnny get treated that way for so long, but I know that he had to leave her by his own decision.

In all the recordings brought forward, I was usually in them, you could hear me in the background, or I might've been right in the middle of it. I knew that the defense was going to lay into me, try and tear me a new one, but I hope that I can take the publicity and stress of it all.

I somehow managed to stay basically anonymous throughout all my years of watching over the Depp's, only pictures and videos of my covered face being seen, but now I'd be in front of the world. My name out in the open, my face on every news channel, my family will know where I am - that's possibly the scariest thing about this.

I've been holding my breath during every video, every picture, and every statement. It's always hard when I hear something that includes me, I always feel like I was an enabler in his abuse because I didn't do more; but I know Johnny would get angry with himself if I told him. When he explains moments in a recording where I got between them, or where I would force him to leave, I always found myself tearing up.

I hear my name being called, I look around, seeing the nod of encouragement from his legal team. They've been so supportive and careful with me, they know about my military time yet still treat me like a delicate flower, it's nice. They've become friends to Johnny and me, I'm glad he found them.

I smile back as I step forward, feeling Johnny gently drape his hand against my arm as I walk by, a soft reassurance that he's there with me.

I swear in, keeping my voice steady as I look at the judge, allowing my eyes to glance around the room for a quick read, avoiding looking in Miss Heard's direction. Johnny and I promised that we wouldn't allow her even a second of our attention, we wouldn't look at her, we wouldn't talk to her, and outside this courtroom we wouldn't speak of her.

I seat myself carefully, eyeing the screen in front of me, glancing to the jury, Johnny's attorney, then finally landing on Johnny. I told him all of my worries, he knew of my fear of the limelight, as well as my worry that my family will recognize me and try to contact me.

Throughout all of this, he's somehow stayed strong, even though he suffered far more than I, he refused to let me feel alone, so I refuse to not play my part in this case; if anyone deserves something good in their life, it's Johnny Depp.

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Plastic Surgery 2 2001 Drum n Bass / Liquid Funk

There are so many different strains of drum n bass that are out there, folks, but one specific type that ended up proving pretty dang popular in the UK is one with the groovy name of liquid funk. This is the kind that, more or less, removes an absolute necessity for the drums and bass to be the focal points of the songs, and allows them to serve as more of a steady and foundational backdrop for whatever melodic, harmonic, or ambient fuss is made to surround them. But while this proved a surefire way to expand dnb's reach to people who hadn't originally been fans of the music in the first place, some true heads also naturally bristled at it too, because it seemed that the genre that they had loved was having its sharper edges sanded off a bit.

Beloved dnb DJ and producer Fabio was a pioneer of the liquid funk style, though, and so was Hospital Records, a label that was founded by the duo of London Elektricity, which is now a solo act. And back in '01, when LE were still making music together, Hospital dropped a fantastic liquid double-disc called Plastic Surgery 2, which featured a bunch of exclusives from the label on the first disc, and then a full DJ mix from London Elektricity themselves on the second, with that latter one incorporating a bunch of the tracks from the former.

But another key aspect of this era was the use of the 2-step break, which is typically defined by a snare hit on every second and fourth beat, and ended up giving the music a bouncier feel. Almost every song on here utilizes one.

So, if you like the liquid 2-step stuff, or are just interested in hearing it, this comp is a total can't-miss. Everything on here is dope and should have your head happily bobbing up and down in no time, but one that really stands out among the rest is High Contrast's "Suddenly," a powerful jam with glorious splashes of orchestral strings and a layer of swift hand-drum taps. And for an example of how liquid funk could effectively serve a broader audience, there's London Elektricity's own "Round the Corner," which features Liane Carroll providing soulful verses alongside and between LE's grinding hoover grooves.

But not all of this comp seems to have had its wagon hitched to the 2-step trend, either. Oxford duo Total Science deliver a deep and adventurous stunner in "Let It Go," which is a track that's sure to keep the real heads satisfied, as it does an excellent job of combining drum breaks, and is nowhere near as stable as the rest of the tunes in this crop.

So, drum n bass sure has spawned a whole lot of different branches since it started to emerge from jungle in the mid-90s, but liquid funk was one of its most popular during the early-to-mid-aughts. And this double-disc, from one of the labels that was on the style's forefront before it ended up reaching its zenith, is fantastic.

Highlights:

CD1:

London Elektricity - "Wishing Well (Danny Byrd Remix)" London Elektricity - "Superstructure (John B Remix)" High Contrast - "Suddenly" Yukihiro Fukutomi - "I Am (London Elektricity Remix)" London Elektricity - "Round the Corner (Origin Unknown Remix)" DJ Kalm + Citizen - "Venus" Total Science - "Let It Go" Carlito + Addiction - "The Ride" Liane Carroll - "The Trap (Calibre Remix)"

CD2:

London Elektricity - "Continuous Mix"

[ask-serendipity-sky]

I like Tae’s vibe. I actually like the New jeans approach of multiple low budget MVs instead of 1 big bang cause it increases more revenue without triggering the hyper competitive K-pop space.

What do you think?

and this suits Tae, something about him just gives off not interested in the K-pop space. In fact, the only member I think who actually respects K-pop is probably Jimin. I judge this based on the artists they look up to. Jhope & RM like Jcole & Nas, American rappers. Forgot who Suga likes. Tae looks up to older jazz artists. JK likes American pop artists and Jimin likes Big Bang & independent artist. Idk about Jin honestly.

I’ve listened to Jimin’s playlist on AM: Springtime sounds and none of these songs are big title tracks/ singles. These are low key artists singing about their lives and loves. Jimin listens to Alec Benjamin, a guy with a great voice, small but loyal following and purposefully left the music industry behind after making a breakout hit so he could sing about his stories. My flex is that Jimin and I listen to the same type of music.

Went off on a tangent but my point is: These guys obviously have different views as to what a successful artist is. And they are all following that path. I think for Jimin a successful artist is producing good music for loyal fans rather than a general audience. I could be wrong of course. If so, Like Crazy’s success would be heartwarming as everyone and their mama knows that it’s carried by fans sharing & streaming.

The funny thing with Jimin though is that even if he tried to be a low key artist he couldn’t. Yes he does his own thing, sings about his story, doesn’t get major airplay and is listened mainly by a loyal fanbase who lives him and shares his music.

However his loyal fanbase is hugeee, so by virtue of that he’s left the lowkey artist category and also the K-pop category behind. What you mean you wanna release your long awaited album as an mp3?

Thinking about that sometimes makes me laugh. Jimin just wanna be lowkey, regular K-pop male artist singing his tunes then boom #1 on hot 100, Ryan Gosling giving him a guitar, song going platinum in the states(I’m calling it), fans demanding to buy his song. He’s non existent on socials rn and still trending

To be honest i kind of find Jimin fans funny. He said in Suchwita he wants to top billboard continuously. And everyone kinda knew he meant as BTS but his fans said “oh YOU want it? Here you go baby have a #1 on hot 100”. Making it look like it’s easy. Lol I’m sure Jimin knows his fans have plans for him.

They keeping him in the top 50 global just cause and I don’t think they gonna stop. Right now they have a goal to rechart LC also just cause and I’m interested to see how things unfold.

All of these are gifts they want to give Jimin. Almost like they’re proving to him we are here, we support you and we appreciate your music, and to cause a ripple in the company doesn’t hurt either.

Hello,

Ok, this is the only ask I will answer regarding Tae's music so don't come sending more, please!

I don't want to answer Tae music stuff, other anons!

But I'll answer this one because I appreciate that you took time to share all this.

First question. Our opinions vary greatly.

I think with how competitive kpop is, you need that big trigger, especially if it's a debut album. Tae needed to risk it but didn't. For me, this all feels safe although it wasn't intended to come across that way.

I think that his visual album should have been released all at once. I know this way is done to create anticipation but I haven't been pulled into his story yet. Maybe that will change once the 3rd mv is released or his photos tie more stuff together?

It's interesting that you find the aesthetic fitting because I don't lol I do agree that Tae is not kpop at all but this album concept feels off to me. Like it's fabricated and doesn't show the real Tae. I feel like his fans would appreciate that. Perhaps the concepts worked for New Jeans since it's quirky cute. And I remember writing a few weeks ago how Tae had changed his style and if that was reflective of what he would show in his upcoming album. And we are seeing change but not in any sort of direction. I don't see the essence of Tae in this. Or his new style.

I like to see the essence of the artist even in their on-stage personas. I'm not seeing it here.

But maybe this is just me being intense as usual.

Second question. Jimin. I do agree that Jimin tries to tell stories through his songs and he does that beautifully. Even if his songs differ greatly, like Promise and Set Me Free pt.2, they both have that air of Jimin in it. But I'm not being biased, I'm not a fan of both.

I do think the pandemic caused the change in direction of Jimin's artistry. But I hope that he has seen the reception, BB charts and worldwide records, and sees that his music is meant for a wider audience even if the stories are personal to him. We can see that FACE was his struggle and rebirth so I'm looking forward to his next album, which he said was going to more upbeat.

With the right team and tools, his songs can achieve greater success. It is heartwarming that Jimin lovers are still carrying his song still. It's our token of love and appreciation but I hope that the his next project has the company support he deserves added to the fan support he has rightfully earned.

Hopefully we get to see this soon enough.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

I really like how you think. Maybe you won't like my take on Tae's music but do you want to be friends? Message me?

[jemeryas]

Valentino's 'Le Salon' is a Lesson in Regressive Storytelling

I never know what to expect when it comes to Valentino and this past Haute Couture show titled ‘Le Salon’ proved why I am so critical towards the current state of fashion. The livestream premieres with flashing lights from Place Vendôme in Paris, France as notable guest like Florence Pugh, Kris and Kylie Jenner also featuring Kylie’s daughter Stormi and founding house father Valentino Clemente Ludovico Garavani decked in a burgundy velvet suit that gives off exactly what Nicki Minaj would say a lot of you people can’t spell. Couth. 

But the second the circus was over and everyone had taken their seats the real show began. Burgundy seems to be a common color scattered throughout shows recently that I am slowly becoming rather fond of. The color reminding me of the Christmas sweater that Mrs. Weasley would make every year for her son Ron Weasley in the films. It is that kind of consistent love that I am beginning to associate with this color. I am sure that nearly every Harry Potter fan will understand what I am trying to describe. Continuing on an Italian aria echos as the models continue walking down the runway. Tombstone grays paired with egg yolk yellows or neon oranges is only something PierPaolo, the current creative director of Valentino, could envision being paired together. Does that mean that all the silhouettes are terrible? Absolutely not! A dress that was worn by Florence Pugh for her Australian Vogue November issue, and that I would have the fortune of featuring on my own tiktok page, would make an appearance; proving the point in my Dior Couture review that certain pieces would look better on a fuller-sized model and Pugh perfectly captures that look. 

Yet as the show continued on there were only a few more pieces that would capture my eye. A turquoise evening gown brought a smile to my face as I watched a dark skinned model sporting a shaved head, a quicker-than-lightening attitude and a walk with so much elegance that you couldn’t help but give a small, “you better go girl,” under your breath. The gown only an added accessory to the model. This is the type of energy, I realize, is missing from the runway scene. A lack of personality. I guess we can blame Prada for that one, but that’s for another essay. 

The show continued on in tulles, sequins and unique pairings that again, some may say is a work of genius, but I would have to disagree. Now, do not mistaken my disdain for Le Salon as disdain for the creative director. The L’Ecole show still holds a special place in my heart and is shelved right in my top two alongside the Pink PP collection. However, coming off the heels of an amazing show like L’Ecole I had high hopes to see what PierPaolo would showcase and was let down in a tremendous way. In terms of music and performance, I loved the traditional Italian Opera, but when you compare that to, what can only be described as a spiritual conversion to the world of FKA Twigs, I don’t think a younger demographic would care too much for this show once they hear the music. The clothes were, at best, in-cohesive; and at worst, a dumpster fire of the worst color combos you could put together. But just as I was about to write the rest of this show off, Black silhouettes made their appearance and I paused to watch. Each look channeling something that was made specifically for the femme fatale. The Black Swan of her family. I was hooked but by that point the show was over and I was left feeling…underwhelmed. 

In terms of artistry and storytelling this was not it Valentino and PierPaolo. I know that I was a fan of the burgundy and the Blacks but the few good  pieces that were in those colors were so far in between that it just wasn’t enough to save them this time around. The ten’s are replaced with the 6’s in my book for color crimes against humanity. But again, don’t crucify me, this is just my opinion. It’s not like I am Anna Wintour…yet.

[letapollojusticesayfuck]

fic masterlist (Nov. 6, 2022)

A collection of links and descriptions for my Ace Attorney fanfics are found below--though you could always just visit my AO3 profile and browse them that way!

stop the presses scoop of the century (read all about it) | event of the decade (extra, extra!)

Apollo Justice writes tabloid articles to help pay his law school tuition. Thanks to the wild world of Internet virality, this leads to him starting a relationship with Klavier Gavin, famed rockstar prosecutor

smile for the camera (and keep your fingers crossed)

After a photo of Klavier and Apollo sharing dinner winds up as front-page news, the whole world obviously assumes they're dating. Correcting them seems like it wouldn't be a big deal, except that for the first time since the breakup of the Gavinners, people are paying attention to Klavier's music, and Apollo feels like he's gotta at least do something nice for the guy after he kind of indirectly ruined his life, right? Anyway, it's not like he's going to do anything as cliché as falling for him for real.

thank you for the music (for giving it to me)

Apollo's the first to admit that he's not a Gavinners fan. So why did he agree to accompany Klavier to the premiere of Broadway's latest musical, a play whose plot is based entirely around the band's discography? As the performance unfolds, however, both Klavier and Apollo come to realize that the writers have borrowed more than just Klavier's songs--they've based the story on aspects of the lawyers' real lives, too. Except--hang on, did the two protagonists just kiss?

fame vs infamy (the price of writing fanfic out of spite)

In which Apollo Justice becomes the most popular fic-writer in the Gavinners fandom. (and, along the way, realizes his Big Gay Crush on Klavier Gavin might not be as hopeless as he thought)

perspective

Klavier Gavin, through the years. (an introspective look at the man behind the rockstar façade)

keeping all your hopes alive

After their chance to prove themselves as competent detectives with a big break in an important case goes south, Kay finds her partner Ema drowning her sorrows in their shared office. They have a heart-to-heart--which ends with Ema crashing on Kay's couch (and the acknowledgement of some inconvenient shared feelings between them).

undeniable you (the currents pulling me onward)

Kristoph Gavin is found dead in his prison cell, and Klavier Gavin is the prime suspect. With nobody else available to defend him, Apollo Justice flies in from Khura'in to take the case--but during the course of the trial and its aftermath, long-hidden secrets come to light.

love at first sight (and other common misconceptions)

Klavier's always been certain that when he runs into the person he's going to fall in love with, he'll just know. Apollo believes the exact opposite--that you can't fall in love with someone without getting to know them first. After a bit of convincing, Klavier's starting to see Apollo's point.

let's get old and boring

five times Klavier considers proposing to Apollo, and the one time Apollo gets tired of waiting

Klavier and Apollo Get Scurvy

Klavier and Apollo make a bet to see who can spend the least money in a month on daily essentials. Too bad that in their pursuit of victory, neither one of them remember that fruits and vegetables are kind of important.

Musically Inclined

Sometimes, you've just gotta sing showtunes at the top of your lungs when nobody's around, you know? (Otherwise known as: 5 times Apollo walked in on Klavier singing songs from musicals, and 1 time the opposite scenario happened)

dubiously legal date ideas

Kay Faraday wants to brag about the cool date she and Ema went on--unfortunately, Klavier Gavin doesn't see the romance in breaking and entering.

funeral march

In the aftermath of Lana Skye's trial and the toppling of Damon Gant, Phoenix goes to look for Miles. Their ensuing conversation is perhaps more revealing than he realizes at the time.

shameful

Apollo's just trying to investigate the month's latest crime scene--it's not his fault Klavier keeps being strangely helpful for a rival prosecutor, not to mention distractingly attractive. Ema Skye, however, just wants to be able to present her newly-discovered decisive evidence without having to deal with copious amounts of flirting.

flying cars, smuggling rings, and other futuristic things

Ema's trying to deal with the paperwork from her most recent case--however, Kay's more interested in her thoughts about what the future's going to look like.

morning revelations (to sleep beside you from now on)

It’s not until he sees Klavier beside him, golden hair strewn over the pillow like some sort of Renaissance heroine, that Apollo Justice realizes he’s in love. Apollo wakes up next to Klavier and has to come to terms with his feelings for the prosecutor.

lyrical clarity (knocking some sense into you)

Apollo doesn't pay attention to who's part of his favorite bands--he just appreciates the music as-is. Of course, this means that he's entirely caught off-guard when it turns out that the lead singer of his favorite group is none other than Klavier Gavin. Naturally, he goes to confront Klavier, only to find that there's still more truths to uncover--and a lot that they've still got to talk about.

lonely luxury

After Kristoph's execution, Klavier finds himself alone with his thoughts--until Apollo shows up to remind him he's got people he can rely on for emotional support.

wednesday, 1:22 pm

Ema and Kay take a moment out of their busy schedules to catch up for coffee. (advocating for prosecutors getting bullied is definitely typical date conversation, what do you mean?)

still living (celebrate this new beginning)

Immediately following the untangling of the truth behind DL-6, Miles Edgeworth seeks solace alone in an empty courtroom. However, Phoenix Wright is nothing but a persistent friend.

grave misunderstandings

Apollo Justice has been alive for three hundred and sixteen years, but in all that time, he has never met anyone quite like Klavier Gavin. ...okay, perhaps alive isn’t quite the correct term to use here. Apollo has only been alive for twenty-three of the years he has existed; for the remaining two hundred and ninety-three, it’s more accurate to say he’s been undead. Or: Apollo thinks Klavier's human. Klavier thinks Apollo's human. They're both wrong.

the best-laid plans

Klavier Gavin has planned the perfect proposal--dramatic enough to fulfill his love of Grand Romantic Gestures, yet simple enough to meet Apollo's more straightforward nature. All he has to do is not mess up the decorations! Apollo Justice just wants to know how his boyfriend ended up tangled in several meters of blue fabric.

sweet distractions (M-rated)

Klavier and Apollo grab some frozen treats one summer afternoon in People Park. Unfortunately for Apollo, watching Klavier eat his ice pop is pretty distracting, and doesn't seem to be doing anything to help with the heat.

in effigy (E-rated)

Apollo discovers some scandalous Gavinners merchandise in Klavier's closet. Klavier, having no shame, decides that this is an excellent opportunity to have some fun with it. or, The One With The Official Gavinners Dildos

demo tracks and instrumentals

Klavier, Apollo, and the multitudes of ways in which they find themselves drawn to each other (a collection of drabbles written in response to tumblr prompts and asks)

[septembersghost]

I've been thinking about this all month, but one of my good friends dated this guy for a while who is such trash, he was into edgelord shit, racist, sexist, homophobic, real weird about 2A, I hated him. My friend is a kind, accepting person, his values didn't align with hers at all. So everyone was like what the fuck are you doing, but she thought he was nice deep down or something. I couldn't talk to her for about a month. She only dated him for six weeks or so and then woke up and realized how gross it was. I was questioning everything I knew about her as a person but in the end it was a terrible lapse in judgement and I forgave her and everybody moved on. this feels so similar on a worldwide level.

tl;dr fan commentary is hard and it felt like there was a demand to prove we didn't condone the things he's done, but I think you did your very best supporting people and speaking out while still trying to hold sympathy for Taylor, and she means so much to you that there is nothing wrong with forgiving this and moving on and loving her and her music like you do.

one of my friends told me a similar story about someone they love who was involved with someone completely terrible for a while, and how difficult it was, i think this is a more common experience than we'd like. and people are flawed and sometimes they make bad decisions and mistakes, including good people. i'm sorry you went through that, i'm sure it was really hard, and i'm glad it turned out okay in the end.

thank you ❤ yeah, i think it's been difficult because what started as understandable disappointment/anger/concern and very valid criticism and feelings of hurt, and where we were trying to support and amplify one another, turned into a vicious cycle of outright hatred fueled by outrage and blame and purity culture (the people viciously slut shaming, the comments claiming she's insincere/calculated/manipulative/untalented/narcissistic/evil etc etc and blaming her for his actions and statements had gotten way out of control. holding someone accountable doesn't equate to utterly dehumanizing them), and then at the same time fans were harassing and attacking one another for speaking up or for not reacting "correctly" or for having empathy for both people impacted and for taylor herself. it's just been a mess! and it's been excruciating and stressful and sad for me personally and sort of broke me a bit because i'm just...overly sensitive lol and trying to sort through my own hurt and disappointment mixed with being overloaded by negativity on here and feeling so much for everyone who came to me in pain, and then also selfishly missing her and my connection to her music because the weight put on all of this forced me to take a self-protective distance...shambles!

anyway, as i also said to my friend earlier, the problem happening online right now is there's this intense focus on punishment in almost puritanical religious terms - repent, do penance, take your lashes for loving anything especially if it's deemed "problematic"! - but without room for growth, forgiveness/redemption, and salvation. and like...if we're having to think about it like that, the penance means NOTHING without room for forgiveness. requiring trials and proof of upstanding morality becomes a vicious cycle at some point, which does NOT mean we should tolerate bigoted behavior or harmful actions or not be critical ever, it's more about measuring that and channeling it for more than futile outrage and lashing out at each other. the solace and joy we find in art is WHY that love exists, that's paramount, and what we can do after supporting one another is fostering that love and growth in a more positive way. so i hope moving forward this is a learning experience for all of us (myself included!) and we can be a little gentler on one another/ourselves and remember that ultimately the light at the center of things is why we're together here!