#not look at the uwu with trauma messy

[lauransoverthinking]

Ahhh! Help, I’m back on my shit again!

No O66 AUs where Ahsoka wants to return to the Jedi but is still working through all of the feelings of betrayal, hurt, abandonment.

They love to focus on Ahsoka lashing out, blaming, being angry. Which is fair. I think to say she wouldn’t is disingenuous to her character, especially during this time period. She is flawed (this is another gripe about all fanon characterization - leave your favs flawed, they are better this way).

But what they never do is have someone from the order (who isn’t Anakin) say they understand why she feels this way.

They never tell her they understand why she hurts and doesn’t trust and is angry. It’s always “it’s because she’s young”.

And yeah, that contributes, but whether they had an option or not (they did not - fucking senate, fucking Tarkin, fucking insidious bastard), her family kicks her out and she is almost executed. That is justifiable trauma, and I would argue it would be traumatic for anyone, regardless of age.

I understand Plo apologies on behalf of the council before she leaves, but there is a difference between “we are sorry” and “we see you and your emotions are valid.”

Anyways, this is my way of saying I love when Ahsoka is messy about the Jedi and has to work through those issues, but some of you treat her being upset about her expulsion and near execution the same as my five-year-old throwing a tantrum when I take away a toy.

Attributing it to age and Anakin’s influence is too simple. There are actual issues here, and you can be pro Jedi and pro council and pro Obi-wan and still admit she has a reason to be upset.

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

If youre ok w sharing then i would love to hear your thoughts on lotor........ Hes such a weird guy. Dissecting him like a frog

If i get hate for this, i am blaming you/j but in all honesty i apologize if this kinda messy, as i have said it has beem awhile since i saw any of the episodes about him. Most of it is my personal interpretation and opinions of his character-

First of all i personally hate both "L0tor is evil rapist imperialist who did not have a single redeemable quality" and "L0tor is uwu poor baby who did nothing wrong", because yeah he had good intentions and he seemed to genuinely love Alura and care for Alteans but also he very much did do a lot of things Wrong. I am pretty sure a lot of his actions fall into category of Very Wrong

Lot0r to me is an absolute control freak, he has to be 10 steps ahead of everyone, he needs to be control of the situation no matter what. Whether it be through a silver tongue or by his blade (see N@rti's death, him vs White Lion). This is as much as a ruthless strategy as it is a trauma response. Being raised under Z@rkon, a father who only saw him as inferior half-bred, he had to learn survivor tactics. He will do anything to survive whether it be beg, lie, manipulate, and kill. He is a survivor of some genuinely godawful abuse he suffered for 10,000 years, combined with racism he suffered for being half altean

However this need to be in control extends to his allies and people he cares about. I am sure Lotor may have loved Alura, it doesnt change the fact that he very much abused her trust. Their entire relationship was based on a lie. He knew Alteans were still alive and not only did he not tell Alura about it he leaned into the "last survivors of Altea" for their relationship, which is why it was doomed since the beginning. And if it had not been this, then it would have been something else. Cause lying and manipulation are very much core of his character, that is how we are introduced to him

Like i see people going "Oh Lot0r could have been good if he had therapy and a hug", and i am not really not sure about it, cause like would he? Would he choose to be vulnerable and actually let his feelings out and be truthful in a an unbiased reliable way that will neither serve him in any way nor make him look better nor is a part of some machivilian scheme he cooked up because he doesnt trust the therapist he is paying? No

And thing is he does desire connection. He looks for connection in people who are similar to him. Half galran, altean survivors, Alura these are the people who he chose to get close to. He looks for similarities, people he can relate to, people who he sees as like him, people who he thinks can give him a sense of belonging. He is deeply lonely. However his desperation for control, absolute mistrust in anyone and everyone, and his inability to be actually honest dooms any relationship he'll ever have

Also this is probably just me, but for someone who is this morally complex character he has tendency to see things in black and white? Like it is His dad and empire= bad, alteans=good. He idolizes Altea to the point of seeing it as an Utopia, and this ideal was more important to him than any Alteans who are alive and with him. I also cant remember him ever caring about someone outside of the Dichotomy. Like at most i remember is after he became the emperor Lance pointing out how other planets need to be freed and he just brushed it off

Overall he gives me the "smart people dont always make good decisions, but they are good at justifying their bad ones" vibes. We dont know exactly why he decided to use alteans as batteries but i am choosing to go with my interpretation- "Lottor saw something fucked up in that future showing space whale thingy, decided the only way to solve was altean batteries except in true self fulfilling prophecy greek tragedy way it only made things worse and started a series of event that will cause the thing he saw causing real trouble a few years after his death.

Another thing! I think it should have been him being the focus of Evil Altean episode instead of A//ura. I hate that episode and everything it stands for but like if there Had to be an evil alteans episode then it should be around someone who is you know? Obsessed with Altean culture? Is big on control and manipulation? Is more geared towards big picture and "greater good" over individual? Is worried about turning into just like his galran father and so desperately wants to connect to his idealized version of his altean mother? Yeah

[all-pacas]

Did anyone else spend their formative years writing fanfiction and therefore come away utterly traumatized by the mere concept of a Mary Sue? I'm afraid to talk about OCs, to describe them and their looks, to make them ever be cool or capable in any way. The only characters I can create are useless bumbling idiots with plain looks and barely average abilities. This is a BG3 post. This is about Tav.

I want to write a story about Durge. I want to write it to counter some tropes I've seen in the fandom. Specifically: I don't like the prevalence of second person stories, of utter blank slate Tavs or Durges. This is admittedly just a preference, something I don't like. It's fine if others do. But I also have noticed... a writing of Durge as very good, very sweet, very pure. "I crave violence," and yet no intrusive thoughts outside of story beats, no moments that really convince me Durge was ever a evil cult leader, even accounting for amnesia.

(I also see this with Astarion shipping. Where he sleeps with Tav, who immediately notices his trauma and refuses to have sex. We know this isn't how it goes: Tav doesn't notice. Durge doesn't notice. We also know that if Origin Karlach can't sleep with him, he lashes out and blames her. And it's a complicated situation, because Astarion is dubcon central and no one wants to coerce a person into sex. But if he insists he wants it, if he lashes out cruelly when he can't do it, if canonically he and Durge/Tav/whoever have a sexual relationship for months before it starts to dawn on him he doesn't like it... I don't know. The sweet "uwu we won't, I can Tell you're not into it" take is nice, but I want to see the messy version. The canon version. Where maybe Tav hasn't seen the act 2 cutscenes yet and just assumes this pretty boy wants to sleep with them.)

Anyway. So I want a Durge with flaws, who doesn't just shrug and snap out of their past because they have amnesia now. But to do that, I have to write an actual character, and try to make them likeable despite their flaws. And my every instinct is just. No! You don't! Mary Sue! You can't make a self insert a main character!! And that is why I have been staring at the same WIP for two weeks now.

[actualtirefire]

Where is that incredibly adorable calico cat you took under your wing?

Holds up Bobert. "Bobb is currently helping me foster a gaggle of five weaned kittens for a friend of mine. She's teachin' 'em, I think, how to be very good warriors."

[ Link 2 Source, lol ]

(( slight warning for drama below:

There was a person that was sending anons as the calico, but I learned they were harassing a good friend of mine and had a history of this behavior with many others. Including DBZ rpers??? They have a very distinct interaction style and screenname style. I tried to be, you know, open and compassionate as someone that's been RPing since 2001 and deff went through my own cringe and 'messy' eras--we're all children once and do silly, dumb, and sometimes harmful shit that we later own up to and make a difference about as time goes on.

However, upon investigation, I found that they weren't making any kind of progress from past bad behavior. And were giving people with borderline and bi-polar (and other mental health struggles) a bad name by basically going "I am not at fault for any of my problematic behavior because I have this and that disorder!"

I have my own disorders and I inherited several from family genetics and traumas. I have ZERO access to therapy and medications. I only have coping mechanisms and self-awareness to raw-dog that shit in my day to day.

You know what I don't do? Shuck all responsibility for my actions and impacts on other people when I have a bad time with my emotional and mental (and physical) state. The only thing the knowledge of my disorders does is give me a reason for how I behave and gives me a touchpoint on like--how can I manage my symptoms and how they impact other people better. Not a get out of jail free card of "uwu, my symptoms are your problem, not mine".

I can't deal with that. I already dealt with that from my own childhood with a mother that has the same exact attitude about her disorders. It's bad, abusive, toxic, and I'm as low-contact and estranged from her as I possibly can be.

So, Bobb is mine now. c:

Hope that person comes around. But it's not looking too likely.

Also, suspicions it's them again for this ask. ))

[ask-the-suite]

> Hello! I am BOS. I'm sure you're wondering why you are recieving this broadcast. Well, I have been tasked by my group leader to inform you all that we are opening communications!

> Here is a list of us, to help any unfamiliar:

US (She/Her)

[Undefined Serenity]

Group Leader

TFS (He/Him)

[Three Flaming Spires]

Lead Researcher

SUS (He/They)

[Seven Undying Souls]

Maintenance Iterator

BOS (They/Them)

[Bright of Silhouette]

Comms Manager

> I will be delegating all incoming messages and sending out responses. And I will do my best not to accidentally peek in on sent broadcasts! Feel free to ask anything of us. I look forward to meeting you!

Rules vv

Hello! This is Void (@luci-datum), OOC to talk about some rules and base concepts.

First off - my canon is a little messy. Here are a few TWs that you can expect going into the lore or experiencing the story:

- Depictions of trauma, mental illness, abuse and manipulation

- Body horror/Mutilation

- Iterator experimentation

- Animal cruelty/experimentation

- Death

- Dark themes

The story is chronological, and you will be able to tell where we are off the pfp of this page. If you are unsure of what I mean by this, don't worry it will be cleared up later. That does however mean that some characters may become unavailable to speak with, however momentarily. I will do my best to keep things flowing smoothly, however.

RULES:

1) Please specify who you are asking. If you do not specify, I will choose one for you. I may also include other interactions with characters as well. Idk i find that fun

2) I will not answer asks that are NSFW.

3) Please try not to break asks into multiple posts.

4) No magic posts (IE: "I want to turn x into an animal"), but you can give characters items.

Rules may be added or changed.

5) IF YOU ARE AWARE OF THE STORY, please do not spoiler it for others. There are other characters that are brought up and added later, though these are exclusively animals and companions at the given moment.

6) I will not answer asks regarding your own OCs. I do not know them, and I do not have the capacity to remember every single one.

Non-Ask Posts

Sometimes, and especially if the story is reaching a critical moment, I will post things without asks being involved. These will be tagged as such.

Tags

#funny for silly goofy fun

#serious for serious posts

#tw for potentially triggering posts (see tw list at the top of the break)

#lore for lore and worldbuilding

#serene for US posts

#spires for TFS posts

#souls for SUS posts

#bright for BOS posts

#ooc for out of character, update or admin posts

#mod ask for asking me uwu

#fanart for fanart

#mod art for reblogs of art by me

Please be kind, respectful, and have fun!

FAQ goes here if I need to add it

Not giving personalities here is purposeful, I would like people to meet them as if it was in character. Just a silly preference I suppose.

[jinkicake]

Brainrot yet again 😔and this time it’s aether but because nobody on this site can write for him, they don’t know him like I do!!😤like not EVERY aether fic and hc can be super uwu subby crybaby boy SOME OF YALL ARE LYING!! I fully stress myself out by going back and back to the aether tag😭 like I have a handful of artists who draw him normal even Venti isn’t that elusive😭 like aether is a fully grown man with a 9-5! he will not start blushing from me holding his hand!! Like I had an epiphany the other day this man is LITERALLY-like Giorno just longer hair and minus all the trauma; like hear me out!! Blonde pretty boy who looks too pretty to be real,unreasonably strong,showing skin for no reason!!(gio got his chest out for what? Aether wearing a crop top why🤨) have powers that people can’t comprehend,mysterious origins, and they’re both very playful and mischievous; they’re literally like cousins😭(see how my problem is falling for any giorno adjacent characters?💀)you’re traveling w aether getting into all kinds of shenanigans bc trouble follows him like a magnet 🙄and he’s quietly thinking “I am going to absolutely destroy you” like he’s the type so oh so subtly use anemo to blow your clothes,Geo to trip over rocks that were not there before, shocking you w electro 😭 he’s literally a menace bc who’s gone beat his ass?? He’s the honorary knight what would they even say if they caught him Fucking your throat on the roof of the favonious HQ? He’s saved Liyue from Osial and his wife! What they don do if they see him balls deep in you in some tucked away some corner of the Jade palace, LITERALLY FOUGHT GOD AND WON IF THEY KNEW WHATS FOOD FOR THEM THEY WOULD MIND THEIR BUSINESS IF THEY HEARD HIM BLOWING YOUR BACK OUT IN THE TEAHOUSE!! Ayato is a messy ass bitch he would recommend a bathhouse that’s on the outskirts of Inazuma city that has wonderful acoustics just in case he wanted to hear you moans echo🥰 like aether isn’t from this world so his dick would be out if this world as well. Literally the 😏 emoji like he gets up early to finish his daily commissions and get paimon breakfast so he can come back and sweet talk you into letting him cum inside you at like 9am he’s nothing if not clever! Pissing him off to get him to use that god destroying >>> using electro on his dick to overstimulate you, seeing you get a little too friendly with childe or zhongli (bc me too lmao) so he has to remind you he’s better than them🥰 bc he has a cute face but he can be mean asf when he wants to be; sitting and looking at you with a blank face save for the glare burning holes into your head as he makes you bounce on his cock and does absolutely no work as punishment 😔 watching your legs tire out and thrusting up when you stop for even a second rolling his eyes LIKE ITS SOME KIND OF INCONVENIENCE TO HIM “You know, I could always get you off right here,shame you don’t know how to behave” and lazily rubs your clit w his thumb. He loves edging bc he’s a little shit😒 will wait until you admit defeat and put you in a mating press bc he will make sure you can’t move an inch and that you take everything he’s giving you💕 is willing to be tied up and used like the good boy he is🥰

ive never been able to get behind the subby uwu characterization of aether like even when he's shipped w childe and others... idk to me he's strong and puts UP a fight regardles of who he is with!!! so i get you i really do

HAHAHAHA no hes a grown ass man who is over 500 years old... he's seen shit and has been with people before! affection and intimacy is not something new to him!! so why do people act like he's never dealt w romance before in his life!

now..... comparing him with giorno,,,, you do understand you're setting aether up my dear? like this is DON GIORNO we are talking about but with your reasoning i can say that i now understand. and its not your fault for falling for giorno or giorno substitutes like he's the best yandere there is, you cant be blamed!

i love aethers crop top he's so cute i just have to say that

WAHHHHHHHH THE PERV HEADCANNONS W AETHER ARE GONNA MAKE MY MIND EXPLODE... that is TOO good, how do you come up w this stuff im literally in shock like that got me good. also... to add... he could use dendro to create an aphrodisiac right? like a natural dust- idk!

no bc aether can get away w anything on the planet now and no one can stop him like he has four nations under his belt backing him up- no one stands a chance! (except my ice wifey archon!!!)

now see aether getting jealous would lose me bc bae,,, why don't we all just share! like he's mad over childe and alhaitham... BRING THEM IN THE ROOM TOO! there's enough room in his teapot for all of us and we all got enough holes too!

we need more abyss prince!aether i like when they have no life in their eyes... thinking abt that! he wants to get rid of the archons i say DO IT (raiden and venti hide under my bed),,, i'll advocate w him!

[cephiroremadeagain]

KIN TIKTOK HAS REALLY GONE OFF THE RAILS HUH

[taromolktea]

𝔰𝔩𝔢𝔢𝔭𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔟𝔢𝔞𝔲𝔱𝔶

Diluc, Albedo, Xiao, Kaeya (all separate) X Reader (they/them pronouns; 2nd person)

word count: 1.1k

content: waking up to pretty boys n their bedheads- bedhead heacanons… bedcanons, if you will okay maybe not; a teeny bit suggestive in Kaeya's part bc it's Kaeya lmao otherwise it's all soft shit

regular tag list (message to add/be removed) 🏷 @todorki-shoto @citrussaurus @danibby

special thank you for feeding us content and inspiring us to make our own uwu 🏷 @stargazer-balladeer @hazelsinteyvat @witch-hazels-musings @ikaroux @xiaophobic @ventilicious @windblooms @dourpeep @scaramouche-bully @jade-parcels @teyvatdreams @luvajax @almondoufu @glazelilyy @xiaowhore @favoniuscodex @genshin-karebear @genshxn @luventi @bumbleklee

｡🌠 🎀 𝓇𝑒𝒷𝓁🌞𝑔𝓈 & 𝒸😍𝓂𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝒽𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓁𝓎 𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓇𝑒𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓉𝑒𝒹❢ 𝓌𝑒'𝒹 𝓁❤𝓋𝑒 𝓉💙 𝓀𝓃🍑𝓌 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎🌺𝓊 𝓁🍩𝓋𝑒𝒹 𝒶𝒷💍𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈❣❣ 🎀 🌠｡

𝕯𝖎𝖑𝖚𝖈

he’s usually pretty good at keeping his hair out of the way but when he comes home from a long night of being Batman, sometimes mans jus wants to go to bed and who could blame him

certainly not you

not when he wakes up with his hair a complete and utter mess of red velvet cowlicks aaaaahh

it’s my personal hc that Diluc actually has like. leftover baby face. which he pretends not to notice about himself but he does

like sure he acts mature it’s the trauma but he’s got the face of an angel baby and when his hair is messy and down, his more boyish charm is brought to light hehe

he wakes up a little grumpy bc of his hair bein all up in his face and he bats at it spluttering like damn he’s not even fully conscious and the day is already doin him a bamboozle

your cooing is the first sweet sound in his ears tho and your fingers carding through his hair are the first sweet touch he feels which is always a win in Diluc’s book

“sleep well?” you ask, your hands cradling his face

“well enough i suppose… *yawn *i always sleep better with you, sweetheart” he replied all groggy, “you… feel nice.” he adds, learning into your palm and his cheek smushes uwu

sleepy Diluc = no filter Diluc and he says the sweetest things

but only for a little while bc his own mushiness wakes him up (plus your giggling) as he awkwardly leans back and coughs, tryna hide in his mane and hope the blush on his cheeks jus blends in w the rest of the red

it does actually but that jus makes it cuter

𝕬𝖑𝖇𝖊𝖉𝖔

definitely the type to jus go to bed still wearing the same clothes he wore earlier because all he knows is alchemy, sleep, repeat

you’ve done a tremendous service in setting up a pretty decent nighttime routine for him which is basically jus making him use all the same products n things you use bc he already likes watching you use them so he doesn’t mind recreating the routine himself, it makes him think of you :) especially bc you’re likely to be asleep by the time he gets back from the lab

on his lazier nights tho, when he jus wants to go to bed and curl up next to you, he wakes up with messy braids that half the time aren’t even tied together in the back anymore and his bangs are pointing to the North Star lmao

many of those who are lucky enough to even see Albedo around Mondstadt will confirm that he is, in fact, beautiful to look at. like art. he’s a masterpiece.

and yknow what he’s still a masterpiece with his bangs pointing to the North Stare nodnod

he doesn’t understand why you’re giggling at him but he smiles when he feels you press a kiss on his exposed forehead ALBEDOEXPOSEDFOREHEADAGENDAALBEDOEXPOSEDFOREHEADAGENDAALBEDOEXPOSEDFOREHEADAGENDA

“is something funny?” he asks, keeping his forehead against yours

“you.”

“me?”

“mhm. your hair’s a mess- it’s cute!”

“i-i see… well, i’m glad you find it so endearing.”

he’s not the self conscious type normally but even Albedo can’t help wanting to look just a tiny bit more presentable for you as his hands start trying to fix his hair, only for his fingers to get intertwined with yours as you stop him

“i’ll do it. i know you secretly want me to every morning.”

“you know me too well, love. or maybe this was all an experiment to get you to do my hair for me forever.”

“hm… maybe.”

𝖃𝖎𝖆𝖔

little meow meow doesn’t pay much attention to his appearance/hair bc yknow. karmic debt n demon slaying keep him pretty occupied

probs can’t even fathom the idea of bedhead bc mans don’t sleep hdfghjfksdfgjdjshjd im in spain but the s is silent

as his s.o, you have the profoundly unique ability to coax him into proper resting habits

it took him awhile before he was able to sleep in your bed w you but it’s become his sanctuary uwu if he feels like treating himself he’ll initiate cuddles

little spoon Xiao 🤝 bedhead Xiao like his short hair sticks up in all sorts of angles btwn getting squished in your arms, the bed n lots of pillows

he wakes up lookin like a wreck but he’s actually the most well rested he’s ever been in 2000 years wow

whines when you scoot away to go to the bathroom all wait where are you going pls don’t leave like he sits up n really contemplates following you bc he’s so attached to your presence, he doesn’t like being w/o you

waits patiently but grabs you n sets you on his lap the moment you’re back

melts under your touch as you run your fingers through his hair, mostly bc you know he loves scalp massages, but also in a halfhearted effort to “fix” his bedhead

“why’d you stop?” he asks quietly n you sigh “i think your bedhead is unfixable, but it’s okay. you’re still my pretty boy.”

“bedhead…? is that some mortal insult?” “what- no?”

you show him his hair with a nearby handheld mirror pushes you on the bed n covers your face with a pillow bc you were giggling at his surprised reaction

“Xiao!” you whine under the pillow “it’s fine! everyone gets bedhead!” “hmph. i’m ashamed you saw me in such a state.” “you’re still as cute as a button, i promise!” “……………………………promise?” “mhm!” “…okay.”

𝕶𝖆𝖊𝖞𝖆

doesn’t get bedhead. he’s Kaeya L’oreal commercial headass Alberich.

teases you for y o u r bedhead bc he’s a menace to society

the 2 of you probs end up w his hair in both yalls mouths

has yelped in the middle of the night from either of you tossing n turning in bed n his hair getting caught as a result

“as much as i love when you pull my hair in bed, this is becoming detrimental to my health” “then perish”

somehow convinces you to help him braid his hair so it doesn’t bother either of you anymore when you’re tryna sleep

ends up making him too powerful bc Kaeya w wavy hair? i am passing away.

maybe if he ever cuts his hair short then it would look messy when he wakes up n he kinda panics like wait this wasn’t part of the deal

has to sit through all your teasing as retribution for all the times he teased you for your bedhead, this is The Way

puts up w it all bc he loves any attention from you he even likes when you pull his hair better when it’s short oop

｡🌠 🎀 𝓇𝑒𝒷𝓁🌞𝑔𝓈 & 𝒸😍𝓂𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝒽𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓁𝓎 𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓇𝑒𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓉𝑒𝒹❢ 𝓌𝑒'𝒹 𝓁❤𝓋𝑒 𝓉💙 𝓀𝓃🍑𝓌 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎🌺𝓊 𝓁🍩𝓋𝑒𝒹 𝒶𝒷💍𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈❣❣ 🎀 🌠｡

[fortheloveofexy]

Okay so, I might get hate for this but I don't care. It needs to be said.

I think those in the AFTG fandom who say "Andrew Minyard is an Evil Person, who is completely irredeemable and awful and anybody who likes him or relates to him are problematic" probably have limited to no personal experience with trauma.

They may say they support those who struggle with mental illness. They may say "trauma affects people". But when it comes to the ugly, messy reality of how trauma and mental illness manifest, they are all too quick to blame and judge and slap a label of "evil" or "horrible" or "monster" on the traumatized and mentally ill person in question. It's not that they don't want to look below the surface to the hurting, struggling person behind those actions. They just cannot relate enough to it to empathize. They don't have enough of that lived experience to know.

Trauma is not pretty or PC. Mental illness is not pretty or PC. It doesn't excuse their actions, of course, but it does explain it. It allows us to empathize.

Traumatized people may behave in ways that we don't view as socially acceptable. Traumatized people may do things we even find morally reprehensible because their trauma has taught them that is the only course of action they can take. It doesn't make it okay - but it does explain their actions. They are not doing bad things just because they want to be bad. They are just applying a survival tactic that saved them before to a situation where it is no longer appropriate. Trauma victims are not always sympathetic "uwu smol bean must protect". Sometimes they do deeply fucked up things. That does not make them monsters. That makes them human.

Mentally ill people may behave in ways that make us uncomfortable or may not make logical sense. That's part of being mentally ill. They literally perceive the world differently than neurotypical people do. They are still deserving of empathy.

Andrew is both mentally ill and deeply traumatized. He behaves the way he does because he perceives the world differently than most people and because his traumatic experiences have taught him that his only recourse to protect himself and his family is violence.

His experiences have also taught him that nobody would choose him out of their own free will, so if he wants the people he cares about to stay in his life he needs enforce that bond through the trappings of promises and deals, and the only thing he believes he has to offer others is his protection. He willingly offers himself as a human shield because he believes it's the only value he has as a person.

To Andrew, nobody in his life has a reason to stay without a deal and offer of protection present. It's why he's so viciously enforces his deal with Aaron.

Even the adults in his life (including Nicky) are all only bound to him through legal contracts and deals. Bee, through his court-ordered therapy, Wymack and Abby through his contract with the Foxes, and even Nicky through his legal status as his guardian. Andrew doesn't trust that those relationships would survive outside the contexts of his deals.

This is why Neil ending their deal and then continuing to stay with Andrew afterwards is so important. This is the first time somebody actually proved Andrew's worldview wrong. This is the first time somebody chose him without the promise of anything in return. And this is the turning point where Andrew actually starts to get better.

Neil shows him that he can trust people to stick around in his life without the threat of a promise. This is why he's able to let Aaron go and start working on their relationship. Neil taught Andrew that he doesn't always have to be afraid of being left behind. Sometimes, people will stay in your life, just because they want to.

This is important because it demonstrates that while Andrew may have taken some harmful lessons away from his trauma, he is capable of learning new lessons and healing.

It is important because it shows those of us with the ugly, uncomfortable type of trauma behaviors that we are also capable of change and learning new lessons. That we can get better and that we deserve to get better.

[whorefordazai]

you said there’s so much to say about dazai and his relationship with women...care to share? I’d love to hear your thoughts 👀

dazai and his relationship with women

warnings: mentions of sexual assault and sexualization

// note: a few of you wanted to hear my thoughts on it, which is surprising 😅 but sure! I’d love to talk about it, especially since it’s been on my mind for a while <3

TABLE OF CONTENTS

// scenes in the anime/manga

// port mafia backstory

// sexualization/hyper sexuality

// yozo in no longer human

// conclusion

ps. I’m sorry if this seems messy and all over the place. I have a lot of thoughts on this topic and it’s really interesting to me. If you have anything to say, I’d love to hear it !!

scenes in the anime/manga

In the manga and anime, Dazai is portrayed as a womanizer and big flirt who uses his good looks and charms to manipulate women into getting what he wants. This can be seen in multiple different occasions—such as with Higuchi, the cafe barista (although it doesn’t really work 😅) and most importantly, the nurse.

It wasn’t shown in the anime, but in the manga it’s pretty clear that the author was hinting of some sort of sexual contact between Dazai and the nurse. My guess is that he seduced the nurse into giving him his phone.

“Perhaps if I’m in the mood”—I don’t think he was in the mood again lol.

Now, this is a pretty popular trait of his—using things to his advantage. Especially when it comes to flirting and sexualizing himself. He never attempts to get close with any of these women, or commits to relationships with them. Maybe he feels it wouldn’t be meaningful enough. Dazai doesn’t really do things if he finds no value in them.

port mafia backstory

As we know, Mori used Dazai’s intelligence and talents to get want he wanted and help the mafia in numerous ways. This involved killing, torturing, and other things. Dazai was taught to be strategic, efficient, and use opportunities to his advantage (just like Mori). But I feel like, along the way, there was also some sort of sexualization hidden there.

For example, when Atsushi and Kyouka started her first task at the agency to deliver this envelope, it gets delayed due to security stopping them. Kyouka’s first thought is to use her “womanly charms” and seduce the security guard to distract him and get past. She says that she learned these tactics from the Mafia.

She’s fourteen? Womanly charms?

I’m not saying it’s the most popular tactic in the Mafia besides torture/killing, but the Mafia does use its opportunities. There’s nothing morally right about the place, so I wouldn’t be surprised if Kyouka was taught about such things.

Since Dazai was Mori’s prodigy, I wouldn’t be surprised either if he learned a few tricks from him. However, Dazai does observe his surroundings so maybe he decided to utilize his good looks as advantage all on his own.

Chuuya describes Dazai as an “enemy to all women” and when they first partner up after years of not seeing each other, Chuuya threatens to give Dazai’s address to all the women’s hearts he’s left broken.

This can hint that he’s had multiple relations with women back in his Mafia days—meaning he’s been using these tactics since he was a young teen.

sexualization/hyper sexuality

Sexualization: a person’s value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics;

Sexualization is linked to sexual objectification. Obviously there are countless other ways to put this and definitions—but I think using the word “object” really fits Dazai. Early sexualization can lead to dehumanizing thoughts, which can be seen in Dazai.

Dehumanizing thoughts can lead to not caring about your well being or using your body however you’d like with barely any concern (either drugs, sex, etc). At one point in being in the Mafia, he lacked so much empathy for others and that definitely tied into having empathy for himself. To be kind to himself.

Him being manipulated into using these advantages is possible. Even though moments like these are played off as jokes, Dazai and Kyouka could’ve been exploited in such ways.

I do wanna mention hyper sexuality (that I saw in the irl Osamu Dazai when I read the book) but I’ll bring that up later.

yozo in no longer human

As I was reading the book, I noticed a lot about Yozo’s character. It is heavily implied that at a young age, he was sexually assaulted by the maids (men and women) in his house (I was unsure about that, but found out it was canon in the manga adaption by Junji Ito)

“Already by that time I had been taught a lamentable thing by the maids and menservants; I was being corrupted. I now think that to perpetrate such a thing on a small child is the ugliest, vilest, cruelest crime a human being can commit.”

“But I endured it. I even felt as if it enabled me to see one more particular aspect of human beings. I smiled in my weakness.”

— page 35

The first time I read it and processed it, I got chills. Now I’m not saying this has anything to do with bsd Dazai, but it does explain a lot of things.

“Women found me in a man who could keep a love secret.”

Due to the sexual abuse in his childhood, Yozo grew up to be a huge “lady’s man.” This caused him to be hyper sexual, practically using his charms to get whatever he wanted from women. He formed many different relationships with them (that he found no value in) just for all of them to never work out. He made the same mistakes with women over and over again (it was pretty painful watching him get hurt and hurt others so much).

It was an endless cycle of seducing women, using them for either drugs or sex, forming some kind of meaningless relationship, getting hurt, and then doing it all over again. He was stuck.

He was afraid of women.

But maybe breaking their hearts has something to do with his past trauma. In some way, it’s taking back the control and innocence he was stripped of from his childhood.

In the manga adaptation, I was able to clearly see how he treated women. Sometimes even throwing himself onto them, randomly initiating sexual contact, etc.

Yozo’s relationship with women is so incredibly sad and heartbreaking.

conclusion

It was said in this post that Dazai would never be faithful or form a real relationship with a woman unless it was someone like Oda. And I agree. Women, to Dazai, aren’t necessarily objects but they really aren’t something he needs or wants in life.

He can be nice to them, make them feel good, form relationships, but at the end of the day it’s like there’s this huge avoid of empty space between him and the “female species.” So much uncertainty and words that will never be spoken because he cannot form a bond with another human being.

All I can say, fictional or not—he was just a child who was stuck in a terrible situation.

tag list: @uwu-monster101 @14th-century-homosexual-spirit @dai-tsukki-desu @i4gumi @cross-crye @starglow-xx @ranposlover @bsdwhore @arimakii @shadyteacup @smadhuman @knjksj0301 @asthepetalsdance @rirk-ke @mushroomplantasia @pickleisrandom @3-am-depression @its-chuuya-bitch @mars-bakery-shop @dazais-belladona @ijustwantfreenetflix @fashionablyfailing12 @dazailiones @atsushisgf @coveringthebiconissue @the-wholesome-ranpo @missshrek @todorokichills

[mklt]

Just random thoughts about mikami and light 

it’s kinda long and so messy -w-

idk how to write long post on tumblr with good layout lol i got burnout from irl problems rly bad and it's already 3.30am here ;w; 

(mostly from my random threads on twitter (hence the weird formatting) and i try to tl-ed from my main language to english (with the help of google translation lol)

These are just my imagination and maybe personal preference (?) please don’t take it personally

Thread 1: 17th march 2022

this is so random but when i re-read death note manga again i can’t get rly emotional with mikami’s backstory i wonder why? Is it because I'm so weak seeing a kid being bullied? I don’t really like looking at child being abused too haha (but i remember someone said mikami’s backstory is like redditor sobstory WWWWWWWWWW sorry 

i don't know but i'm so weak with characters who have been bullied alskdal like im sad i don't want to see a little kid being bullied :(((((((((( let's focus on him (mikami) bein a kira simp

just the idea of ​​him trying to open up with light about his mom and his sad past is a bit painful for me aksdjaskl and i don't have any idea for light’s response too.. :( maybe mikami looks indifferent when he tried to explain it surely mikami said “that's why i'm thankful there's Kira” ? (i’m not rly sure about this)

but light is like  (??? at that time, there is not kira yet) so i think it continues to be like a one-sided delusion from mikami wwwww

hmm, even if they won, I think Light will randomly get quiet when he becomes tired from work (kira work??) (daydreaming?) and then suddenly when asked why by mikami, he randomly blurts "it’s my late father’s bday today" What will you respond???????? alsdkal it seems like this could be the time where Mikami starts to talk about his mother too?

i dunno but if it's mikalight au I think Light actually wants to say he misses his father but he doesn't want to say that he misses and loves his father (so much) idk?? maybe he doesn't want to look vulnerable in front of mikami because he still has to act to be a strong role model for mikami

It's so hard for me to imagine them just blissfully being happy, i definitely remember this and the emotional baggage sucks Moreover, when people who like to write about light who still can't move on about L Gosh thinking about it is really heavy haha

i dunno but in my headcanon for my kira wins au light is reluctant to meet with sachiko/sayu because it seems like he still can't move on with soichiro’s dead (and because he doesn't have the heart to see sayu who’s still recovering from trauma) that’s why he likes to find reasons so he can't go home

i’m not trying to justify that light is a SaD boi But to me, the only redeeming quality about him is  he really loves his family so much (www luv u light So I like to imagine him hating himself because of his father’s death. But he likes to think that my father died like this because I have to sacrifice for a more peaceful world That's why when his father died, light is really conflicted

but light bein light I'm sure he'll change his mindset after that “my father is not good because he doesn't believe kira, he is a good person but he’s not on Kira's side” (which in his heart he is still very hurt thinkin about soichiro)

Thread 2 : 8th February 2022

... I'm looking for drawing ref, then reread DN again and again (yes I know— It’s kinda endearing when mikami in front of ppl he looks so cold and mean but if with God His demeanor is like that >>>>

not uwu but like its funny… he's scawy–! Suddenly he’s become kinda nervous? Less hostile?? Hm but  i also think that when he finds out Light is a False God maybe he explodes and got mad-! btoom! And i was like oh yea thats our mkm alright haha

idk maybe i'm just making an excuse but from the manga’s scenes mk/lt is like.. master/disciple but not as maniac in anime? I really like when the disciple, who's scary outside but he's obsessed with his master! Maybe he will become a softie?!! I like the silent yandere type! And i think i f they have an argument mikami won't be hysterical or something >_>

Even if they had direct contact (not by takada) Light will tell mikami (about mikami killing lazy people) "I don't like how you do things stop it." then maybe mikami looks a bit shocked and i think ofc he will say my bad- LOL but i'm also sure he's the type who asked for an explanation why because he's not that stupid ahaha im sad

Even if it's been explained, I'm sure Light will complain directly to mikami "I don't believe you can still ask me back."

Thread 3 : 9th march 2022 (AU)

If mkm and light live together, does light live in kyoto or mkm in tokyo? But when you think about canon it means they are in long distance relationship :0

Yes, but if the train is 2 hours fast, just the idea of ​​them being willing to live alone is a bit complicated??

I think if Mikami’s position is high enough-- he can go to Tokyo and pretend to visit Light at the NPA office (then when he arrived Lighto isn't there (..........)

Because lighto is busy? And because of his work is that he is more in a private room (because he is more into intelligence / hacking role etc.)

Maybe Mikami can go to Tokyo because there is a case that he should discuss with the police (¿) if the case is serious enough hooho

Maybe they will meet at the rooftop (?) Mikami eats alone ? but maybe his assistants from kyoto office tag along too) then Light just finished with the other team. But mikami can only stare at light because they don't want to be exposed if they are acquaintances (bc for identity of Kira)

Jabsjadsbsh what if someone is trying to introduce them ?? Mikami and Lighto pretending to “get to know better

when they shake hands… Mikami held Lighto's hand tighter and maybe light playing with his finger on Mikami's wrist (trying to be subtle-subtle---) "Nice to meet you– Teru-san" “Nice to meet you,”

[rogueninja]

i know you ship sns but do u think its a healthy dynamic? ive seen a lot of ppl lately call it a toxic ship

hmmm... so to be clear i'm not really an authority on relationships or mental health. that said, i do strongly believe that naruto and sasuke really, really need help. like, please get these boys some therapy. as much as i love the line "i'll bear the burden of your hatred and die with you," it also makes me kinda go.. what the fuck naruto!! lmao. it's not really the healthiest mentality, nor is like, trying to kill someone because they make you feel things (looking at you, sasuke). in a real-world context, obviously this would give me pause, lol.

on the other hand, i think naruto and sasuke truly understand each other, and they have the potential to help each other heal. that's very much the point of the ending for me, is that their connection/bond/mutual understanding is the most important thing they can give each other and that they can move forward with that in order to begin healing.

also part of the appeal of sns to me is that it's messy? whenever they fight it hurts my heart. i see and feel their pain. but then the fact that these boys have been through so much trauma that they can find solace and peace in one another at the end because they really truly deeply care for one another.. they just make me feel things!!

i could see why people who have been in badly toxic relationships might not be into sns for personal reasons. and i'm not going to argue sns is always 100% healthy uwu. but seriously this whole idea that you should only ship 100% healthy ships is boring. you think enemies to lovers isn't gonna have a bit of toxicity? knives to the throat or don't bother

so yeah they need help but i love them lol

[kingrove-a]

now that i´m finally caught up with season 4 and feel safe to look at social media and comfortably sit down to write on here as well there´s just something i´d like to get off my chest when it comes to billy and his position in online spaces.

now like i stated in my google doc, i´m not here to completely absolve billy of anything - he IS absolutely a huge dick. he´s done things that are incredibly serious and shouldn´t be talked down just because he´s my baby uwu - but on the other hand, billy is BARELY of age in the series. he´s so young and he had to deal with an abusive father and with his mother abandoning him. i feel like so many people forego those facts to paint him as this atrocious villain which is heartbreaking to see? billy is SO far from being a villain it would be hilarious if it didnt make me cry.

for every person acting like billy never did anything wrong there´s someone acting like billy is an irredeemable monster which is wild to me because what kind of picture does that paint? that kids who had to suffer abuse by the people that were supposed to love them can never find redemption? except for redemption in death? which is god damn awful by the way i dont really like the whole "he redeemed himself by dying" trope AT ALL. his life got snuffed out before he ever really got to live it.

i firmly believe in redemption through life - through owning up to your actions, confronting yourself and the trauma you went through and move on. billy deserves to live, to get away from the sorry excuse of a parent and live his own life away from that looming hand over his head the entire time. he deserves to heal, he deserves to apologize.

billy cares and loves so deeply - so much so that the love he still holds for his mother managed to break him out of the control of the mind flayer. can you imagine????? his mother, who left him behind with his abusive father, who ran away and left him. he still loves her SO much despite that. imagine ever thinking that he´s a heartless bastard beyond redemption. i could never.

give him a chance to heal, give him a chance to care without being afraid literally ALL the time. yes he´s going to make that very difficult, yes its going to be messy ; but there is SO much potential in this character for growth and love and sue me i AM HERE TO GIVE IT ALL TO HIM

[hello-yue-here]

Jetko?

YESSSSS.

jetko my beloved.

out of all my atla ships i think these two have the most to overcome in order to be together. Zuko, who although only did these things because he was a misguided and abused kid who didnt know anything other than than the propoganda he was taught, was an imperialist and literally burned down at least one village. he upheld fire nation views all throughout book one and his actions did a lot of harm to the world. so out of all the issues jetko has working against him, fixing his past actions and unlearning propoganda is def at the top of the list. the fire nation hurt jet big time, and thats a HUGE obstacle for them to over come. Jet on the other hand has to work on channelling his outrage towards the fire nation and dealing with his own trauma in a way that doesnt involve... ‘harming’ civillians for lack of a better word. he was traumatized and was forced to be an adult and look after a boatload of children way too young. he didnt know any better so its understandable why he did what he did. theyre both teenagers. they are both children. neither of them really knew any better and they both need to learn and overcome these obstacles. and it kind of seems impossible to some people because many people believe that jet was hurt too much by the fire nation to ever forgive zuko and (my least favorite take) jet is racist towards fire nation citizens (FUCK OFF. LITERALLY FUCK OFF ppl who call jet racist piss me off so much. he was oppressed by the fire nation and fought for justice against them. the fire nation were literally oppressing p much everyone in the entire world. racist jet is the DUMBEST take right alongside homophobic katara. i will tolerate none of this jet slander in my blog. i love him alright?)

i got a lil sidetracked. where was i.

RIGHT. ppl who dont like jetko sometimes think that these afformentioned issue would hold them bsck from ever being a good couple and to that i say: haha no.

these two are two of the most stubborn characters in atla. they are the most determined characters and most proactive when it comes to getting what they want. they never give up. and when it comes to eachother? if they wanna be with each other than goddammit they will make it work. i hc them as having a rocky start. maybe being on again off again for a lil bit while theyre still growing and sorting themselves out and finding themselves as people. and yeah zuko being fire nation and jet being hurt by the fire nation is gonna be an issue, but i truly believe that they can overcome it solely based on how passionate and determined they both as as characters.

theyre very similar in the sense that they seek justice and fairness in the world. theyve both been traumatized by the fire nation (granted in very very very different ways) but i think they can grow and heal together.

and i think they can also just be themselves with one another too. when they first met jet bonded with zuko immediately because he could tell he was an outcast and they worked together so fucking well they knew what each other was thinking. they see eachother. and they understand each other.

i think they have such good potential and when written in a well thought out way they are one of the most amazing dynamics.

however. one of the WORST THINGS about the way jetko is written sometimes is the toxic ex jet trope (hello zukka nation i am talking primarily to you because this is where i see it the most because zukka is my top ship but lordy lordy do it got some issues. i love zukka but omg is toxic ex jet a problem here)

jet is not fucking abusive. lets get that straight. just because he fought zuko in ba sing se for (CORRECTLY) assuming he was a firebender (yeah he probs shouldnt have attacked him with swords in a public setting but also: he was traumatized and lied to and hes an impulsive teenage boy. that doesnt excuse the fact that yes jet also did some shitty things but like,,, it explains it. remember kids its good to critique your fav characters and you dont have to agree with me with anything i say this is all just my opinion) jet is not abusive, and using him to write toxic jetko fics or toxic past jetko is not only incredibly insulting to jet and the ship as a whole, but it often is used to reduce zuko to a little uwu-protect-me-im-soft-and-weak-and-cant-fight-for-myself boy. zuko is not that. not at all. ive said it once and i will say it again: the infantilization of zuko as an asian man is a racist take and we need to address it.

if you wanna make jet and zuko have a messy breakup for your fic GO FOR IT. i have no issue with that. but if the only way you can create the messy break up is by making jet an abusive asshole (sometimes even a rapist which WHAT THE FUCK??? why. just. why. what about jet would make you think ‘oh this guys a rapist’ literally goodbye. ppl r weird for that) than maybe you shouldnt be writing past jetko.

sorry for that messy rant oops

back to whag i like about them :) ending on a positive note because they deserve it

i believe that while they would probs have issues as teenagers, i think once they were older and reconnected and like, fully know who they are. they would be GREAT. their communication as seen on the boat was top tier and this would translate so fuckin well into a relationship.

i love jetko and i think jet gets too much hate from the fandom sometimes.

[awidowgast]

on klaus, trauma and self-destruction

look, i know that klaus gets woobified by the fandom a lot - which i don’t particularly like or agree with because he is an immensely complex and flawed character and that is part of what makes him interesting (plus it does the other characters a disservice by always making them the bad guys) - but i wanna try and break down what i think some of the disconnect is.

i feel like, in show, the hargreeves siblings struggle to see each other a lot of the time. they are making progress, especially with vanya, but it does seem like klaus gets left out of the loop a bit. while the circle of siblings is becoming more connected, klaus is still a little isolated. part of that is clearly his own doing, but some of it is also that his siblings struggle to understand that klaus’ dependence on substances isn’t a result of him not caring or only wanting to shrug off responsibility, but a legitimate issue stemming from trauma. and don’t get me wrong, they all have trauma, but not everyone deals with that in the same way. 

some people’s reaction to trauma is messy. it doesn’t fit nicely into the “anxious little bean uwu” or the “romantic tragically depressed” trope. trauma can also mean self-destruction and self-medicating. it can mean lashing out and running away. PTSD also means mood swings and sudden anger and intense reactions. klaus is obviously responsible for his own choices and actions, but i also think it’s a bit ironic that people both in show and in the fandom often completely misunderstand how his trauma and substance abuse work with one another. folks either completely excuse his behaviour or they vilify him for it, when in truth, klaus is just mentally ill in a way that is pretty fucking realistic; aka it’s ugly.

and because it’s ugly, people often want to transform it into something else. his siblings chalk it up to him being air-headed, or unaffected or weak or careless, instead of it being a problem that he legitimately needs help with. (part of that is also their own trauma getting in the way of viewing things clearly). the fandom, on the other hand, often acts as if he only means well all the time and it’s really all his siblings fault, which also isn’t true. klaus does self-destructive shit, he preserves himself in ways that are incredibly unhealthy and he pushes people away in the process. being mentally ill does not mean that you aren’t supposed to own up to when you’ve hurt people and klaus does hurt people.

that being said he also deserves sympathy and it is important to understand that addiction does not have an easy fix. i’ve seen some posts of people being absolutely horrible about klaus relapsing in S2, saying that it makes him a despicable person, which is a serious misunderstanding of how addiction and mental illness work. relapses are extremely common and most people, even those in consistent therapy, will experience one or two at least. klaus basically went cold turkey, and is in a never-ending process of re-traumatizing himself because of the circumstances he and his family are in, so a relapse isn’t that surprising to me. relapsing is part of recovery, it doesn’t make someone evil or disgusting, and i do not like that this is the stance we so often take with people who are addicts. 

i think more than anything, i just want klaus to be taken seriously by his family (and by the fandom). i just want them to look at him and see that he’s having a hard time and give him a hug instead of brushing it off as him purely seeking attention. because klaus fucking melts when someone is tender with him. that scene in the club with dave kills me because of the way klaus leans into his hand. it screams that he wants to be loved and treated with kindness. he’s super tactile with his siblings and he clearly loves them so so much. he can be very selfish, but he can also be incredibly empathetic. he does hurtful things, but he’s also willing to say sorry. he makes bad choices, but he would also run headfirst into danger for the people he loves. he’s multifaceted and i wish people would treat him that way.

[marshmallowprotection]

Hiii UwU I saw a lot of scenarios with SE Saeran and I read how he would react in certain situations, and I thought... I thought you might want to say how he would confess his love to his MC or how she would do that if he didn't have the courage to talk to her about this (because he's a more withdrawn person). I saw that many scenarios from you are with him when he is already with his MC and I was thinking how they would end up together.

Just did that! 

I feel like Saeran is the type of person to try and isolate and pull himself away from the person that he loves. He sees blood on his hands no matter how hard he scrubs and he knows that he is riddled with trauma and grief. 

He feels like anyone who gets with him is settling when they deserve far better than him, even with therapy and the ability to work on himself to get better over time, it isn’t going to stop his feelings of inadequacy. He’s going to be stubborn and do what Saeyoung did, in a sense, anyway. 

Well, we know they’re twins, it’s only natural that they share something in common, haha. Hw would have a hard time dealing with his feelings and he would pull away from his MC. There’s a lot of feelings on his part and it isn’t the fault of the MC in this, it’s his. He is the one that tries to get away from them as he doesn’t want to be vulnerable or open again. The last time he let himself do that, look at what happened to him. 

So, that’s a fear of his that doesn’t go away. When it isn't that, it’s the fact that his MC is clearly a good person that he doesn’t want to corrupt. There is a lot of tears that will be shed with him. So, you have to be ready to push against his feelings and reach out to him when he does that. Even if you’re shy, you have to be willing to knock him in the shoulder for trying to hurt himself. 

He deserves nice things and love, too! 

It’s kind of messy. But, loving Saeran isn’t always pretty. It’s crying in the rain because this jackass withdraws and hurts himself and tries to keep you from his worse side. Sometimes, it’s hanging out and having ice cream together and having fun, but with him, it’s... a commitment.