#not looking for an argument so keep it civil- we’re all adults or at least you should be (no minors) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

justkending · 4 years

Text

The Number One Rule. Chapter 18.

Summary: Y/N has always been seen as “Steve’s rambunctious sister.” However, she grew up, graduated, and moved to London to study abroad for 4 years and get her bachelor's degree. The girl that returns looks nothing like the teenager that left, but don’t worry the attitude is still there and stronger than ever. What’s to come of the two grown adults that used to push each other's buttons, but now have a lot more in common than they’ve ever realized.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Y/N Rogers (Steve’s little sister)

Word Count: 3100+

Chapter Eighteen:

“Good morning, Sunshine,” Steve chuckled, bringing his mug to his lips as his sister walked in with a sleep ridden face. She gave him the silent bird before moving to the coffee pot. “I see your morning self hasn’t changed.”

“What are you still doing here? I thought you would have left for work by now?” Y/N asked with a tired voice as she walked to the fridge for creamer.

He had ended up staying the night and sleeping in his old room that had been transferred into the guest bed. Him and his sister had been up late talking and catching up.

“Eh, I’m going in a few hours later since I’ve been doing overtime recently,” Steve shrugged, leaning back and watching her sit across from him. She was wearing a giant T-shirt and some old pajama pants that she tiredly tried to straighten from their disheveled state. “What’s your excuse for not being ready for work?”

“I don’t have to be there until 9 today,” she answered with her eyes closed.

There was a comfortable silence as the two sipped on their coffee and Steve read the newspaper. Looking over he saw her practically falling back asleep in her seat.

“I guess I need to talk to Bucky soon…” He spoke up. Her eyes opened at that and she turned to him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean now that I know the case, and now that I know you’re both happy, I don’t have a right to be a jackass anymore I guess,” he shrugged with a smirk.

“I’m glad you came to terms that you were a jackass,” she chuckled, punching his arm playfully. “We’ve been waiting a few years on that one.”

“Hey, I can call myself a jackass, but you watch yourself,” he warned in a light manner.

“Sure thing… Jackass,” she mumbled with a smile. Before he could start an argument, she diverted the conversation. “So, should I warn him, or-?”

“I don’t care. We have different shifts today, so I’ll see him tonight probably and talk to him.”

“Ok, then I’ll let you do the talking. I would warn him yourself though. He’s been a nervous wreck around this topic with you. Anytime he thinks about how we’ve hurt you, he gets upset and really anxious,” she explained more seriously.

“I mean, I don’t blame him. This was a shitty kind of situation to go through, but mom was right. Neither side of the problem was handled well,” Steve sighed. “I’ll text him before.”

“Good,” Y/N nodded. “Want me to come?”

“No, I think we need to talk ourselves,” Steve sighed. “If you know what I mean.”

“I get it,” she nodded standing and grabbing her mug. “Well, I’m going to get ready for work. Mind if I come over tonight though? You know, when the coast is clear? Maybe we can all have a movie night like back in the day! Becca and Sam are invited too,” she pointed to him.

“Sounds like a plan. You’re paying for pizza though. Since you have an adult job now, it’s only fair,” Steve said with raised eyebrows.

“Hey, I-”

“You owe me,” he cut her off.

She glared at him for using the given past situation as a way to get free food.

“That’s low, big bro,” she deadpanned.

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t do the same thing,” he scoffed with a smile, going back to the paper in front of him.

“Touche,” she nodded with a pursed lip. “At least text me when I can head over, so I don’t interrupt you guys' bromance session.”

“Shut up,” he groaned as she left the room.

________

Once Y/N got to work, a few hours into her shift, she got a call from Bucky.

“Hey, B,” she smiled through the phone as she went through the loads of papers in her hands.

“Hey sweetheart,” Bucky replied just as sweetly. “Guess who texted me today?”

“Hmm, Barack Obama?” Y/N responded. “Wait, no! Michelle Obama.”

“Haha, very close, but no,” he chuckled. “You’re brother reached out.”

“Is that so?” Y/N faked surprise.

“I’m guessing you guys' conversation last night went well considering your chipper mood?” he questioned. “Or they went horribly wrong and you’re just a really good actress.”

“We all know I can’t act even if my life depended on it,” she laughed, changing the phone to her other ear as she wrote some notes on a paper.

“It’s true. You’re a horrible liar,” Bucky confirmed.

“I’m not even going to argue it no matter how much I want to,” she shrugged. “But I would say things went well. I mean we may or may not have gotten into a wrestling match on the front lawn, and mom might as well have dragged us by the ears inside to have a civil conversation, but besides that…”

“Oh God, Y/N… What the hell happened?”

She just knew he was pitching the bridge of his nose on the other end.

“Nothing too crazy. It’s just sibling fighting,” she waved off.

“At least tell me you gave him a chance. You didn’t beat his ass too much, hopefully. You know we’re trying to win him over, not push him further away, right?” Bucky had a smile in his voice, clearly just joking around.

“You know? Kids’ gotten stronger since middle school,” she noted.

“I would hope so. He fought in a war and chases bad guys for a living. Can’t have scrawny middle school Steve doing that kind of stuff. He’d get a nose bleed just looking at the wrong guy.”

The two laughed for a little reminiscing at little Steve before he bulked up in high school. But after some joking, Bucky brought the conversation back where he started.

“But in all honesty, I shouldn’t be too worried about tonight?” he asked. The nerves in his voice were clear to Y/N.

“No, Bumble Bee. We talked it out, screamed it out, and fought it out. And in doing so, we had a good conversation. Thank Sarah Rogers for keeping us on track and not letting us walk away until it was resolved,” she assured, putting his mind at rest.

“Ok, good…” Bucky sighed on the other end. A moment of silence went by as if he was trying to process it.

“Hey, I know you guys still need to talk, but I do want you to know that it’ll be all ok in the end. Don’t get too worked up about it,” Y/N said softly. “26 years of being best pals can’t be ruined by this little bump. You said it yourself.”

Bucky let out a breath and nodded. “You’re right. It… It’s just, I hate that he found out how he did, and…” he paused. “It just kinda sucked seeing him that upset.”

“I get it,” Y/N nodded on her end. “But hey,” she added. “We’ll all be ok. Truly.”

“I trust you, doll,” he grinned. There was some distant talking on the phone and Bucky humming. “Hey, I have to go. Boss needs me for something. Call you later?”

“For sure. Have a good day, and let me know if you need anything!”

“Right back at you. Love you, sweetheart,” he slipped out the last part unconsciously.

There was a moment of silence as the two were stunned. Neither had said the “L” word yet… At least not to each other…

“Uh,” Bucky stuttered out. “I-I-...”

“Buck-,” Y/N started in just as much shock.

Another round of someone shouting on the other line that wasn’t Bucky came through through the phone.

“I have to go! Talk to you later,” Bucky shouted into the phone.

Before she could say anything else, the line ended and she slowly pulled back the phone seeing her lock screen blank. No words came out after that.

She just stared at the screen where a picture of her Bucky, Becca, and Steve all were embedded in a bear hug together. An old picture, but one that she always loved and cherished with a group of her favorite humans.

She also loved it because even though it was before Bucky and her had become an item, they were squished against each other. Bucky was smiling wide and caught in a laugh as he looked down at her, catching her from stumbling to the ground, and she was laughing as she gripped his arm to find her balance. Steve and Becca laughing on the side at her clumsy self, and the fact someone was always having to help her stay on two feet. Bucky having always been one of those top people in her life.

She smiled down at the memory and couldn’t help but feel those little flutters move from her stomach to her chest and eventually make her cheeks heat up.

_________________

Now he had two things to freak out about. One being Steve and his talk tonight. Yes, he knew he didn’t really need to after Y/N’s reassurance that things would be fine, but still. It was a strange conversation to have with your best friend.

“Sorry I fell in love with your sister and hid it from you. My best friend of over a quarter of a decade. Not to mention you found out from me coming out of her room half naked after you thought she was home alone...”

Yeah, that was going to be weird no matter how ok they were now…

Then you add in, he just casually told Y/N that he loved her before hanging up the phone. He didn’t mean to. It just felt so natural in the moment!

He wanted to make the first time he said it special, not just by accident…

God, his heart was racing and now he had four hours left of his work day to let those things just stir around in his head. Great. Maybe that 3rd cup of coffee wasn’t that great of an idea.

_______________

“So, everything’s good with you guys?” Sam asked after Steve let him in on everything.

“Yeah. I mean Buck and I still need to talk it out, but… I don’t know. I can’t be mad if they’re both happy at the end of the day. Happiest I’ve seen either of them in a while, if I’m being honest,” Steve shrugged with a small smile.

“See, I knew that’d be the case at the end of the day. I tried telling Bucky that,” Sam shook his head as he finished up the dishes. “And sorry man about not saying anything. I didn’t think it was my place to,” he apologized.

“No, I get it. This was their own thing. You were just being a good friend to Bucky and letting him figure this out himself,” Steve waved.

“He’ll be home in a little. You worried?” Sam asked, washing his hands off.

“No, if anyone’s nervous it’ll be Bucky. Y/N and I had a really good talk last night. No matter how upset I was before, I now know where they were coming from,” Steve sighed. “Did I agree with it? No, but we all have different ways we would go about things.”

“True facts,” Sam smiled. “Well, I’ll hoard myself in my room for a while until the coast is clear. Let me know if you guys need anything, ok?”

“Got it. Oh, and Y/N said she was going to come over after with pizza for a movie night, if you want to join,” Steve pointed out moving to the couch.

“I’m here for it,” Sam nodded, going down the hall to his room. “Call me when all is resolved.”

Steve nodded and plopped down on the couch skimming through the channels as he waited for Bucky. About 15 minutes later, he heard the lock turn and quietly the brunette made his way in with caution.

“Hey,” Steve said softly, turning from the end of the couch.

“Hey,” Bucky said with a soft smile as he put his things by the door.

These were the first words they had spoken in over 2 weeks. They hadn’t talked since the whole fight in the backyard.

“How was work?” Steve asked, making small talk.

“Nothing too crazy today,” Bucky shrugged, walking to the back of the couch with his hands in his pockets. “Oh, Lillian asked about you again.”

“From accounting?” Steve asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Only Lillian I know that’s obsessed with you,” Bucky laughed lightly.

“God, I’m not ready for that…” Steve returned the chuckle.

It got quiet after that. Not awkward, but not comfortable either.

“So…”

“Listen, Bucky,” Steve sitting back in his chair running a hand across his face. “I’m sorry, I punched you after-”

“Don’t be. I deserved it,” Bucky waved him off, coming around the couch slowly to sit on the opposite end.

“Ok, yeah. You’re right,” Steve nodded with another small laugh. Again another pregnant pause. “I gotta know. Why didn’t you just tell me, Buck?”

He took in a deep breath before answering. “I’m sure Y/N told you, but we didn’t want things to have a bad falling out and it be awkward for everyone else-.”

“No, not that. Why didn’t you tell me that you weren’t going to do it from the start?” Steve interrupted.

“What?” he asked, confused.

“Y/N said that you guys went back and forth on not going through with this because you didn’t want to hurt me. I mean, maybe that’s not that big of a deal, but it changes things on my end some,” Steve explained. Bucky just sent him a blank stare. “What I mean is, when I first figured everything out, I was hurt because I thought you didn’t even consider me in your decisions. I know, it sounds selfish, but-”

“No, it doesn’t. You’re a part of the equation to some extent. Just like Becca is. But surprisingly Becca was excited and not freaked out about her best friend dating her big brother. It’s a little different being the big brother in the situation though,” he said softly. “It’s not selfish though Steve. If the roles were reversed and say you and Becca dated, I would hope you considered my feelings in the matter too.”

Steve was glad that he understood what he was getting at. He was worried it wouldn’t make sense or make him look like he thought the whole thing revolved around him.

“Yeah…” Steve paused. “But you didn’t say anything about that when we did get in that fight. Why?”

“I don’t know… I guess I just wanted you to understand my feelings for her more than anything. I needed you to know that she wasn’t just some girl I was hoping to hook up with at some point.”

“I know you would never do that Buck. No matter how upset I was, I still don’t think that low of you,” Steve sighed. “And about that… I’m sorry I said you don’t deserve her… That was an extremely hard hit to the gut.”

“You were looking out for her,” Bucky said with pursed lips, but the pain from the past comment was clear. It didn’t feel good having your best friend who's been through thick and thin with you tell you weren’t worth something.

“Yes, but that was a low blow and I said it out of hurt feelings. I was hurt, so I wanted you to be just as hurt. That wasn’t fair,” Steve concluded. “If there is anyone in this world that I trust to take care of Y/N just as much as me, it’s you Buck. I was just blinded by anger.”

“Understandably,” Bucky nodded, looking back at his friend a little less troubled.

“Understandably,” Steve agreed. They stared at each other silently communicating. “I’m sorry.”

“If anyone is sorry, it’s me Steve,” Bucky shook his head running a hand down his thigh still slightly anxious.

“How about we both agree that we didn’t handle this situation the best way,” Steve smiled. “I should have seen how happy you two were and not second guess how it happened. I shouldn’t have made it about me when you both clearly are what the other needs.”

“Steve-”

“Truly. You guys have been glowing the last two months with complete and utter happiness and I was so oblivious to pick up on it. I feel like a shitty brother and best friend.”

“You’re not a shitty brother or best friend. Not in the least,” Bucky said scooting to the edge of the couch. “You know that.”

“Y/N tell you we got in a fight on the lawn yesterday?” Steve asked with a small smirk.

Bucky chuckled. “Yes. Said your mom about beat your asses out there too.”

“All because I was too stubborn to talk it out,” Steve shook his head while he threw it back on the back of the couch.

“Eh, you said it yourself. We all didn’t handle this situation well,” Bucky chuckled. “She kicked your ass, didn’t she?” he said after a second.

“Wouldn’t say that, but she must have worked out over seas because I couldn’t pin her like I used to. She was giving me a pretty decent fight,” Steve laughed loudly.

“God, I would pay money to have someone get that on tape,” Bucky laughed with him.

The two soaking up the now comfortable atmosphere.

“So we’re ok, right?” Steve asked. “Leave all out petty, stubborn, and stupid mistakes in the past?”

“I’m fine with that if you are,” Bucky nodded.

“Good. I’ve missed having my best friend around. I was getting tired of ignoring you,” Steve sighed, patting Bucky’s back.

“You gave me good practice with your stubbornness for Y/N. Not that I haven’t been practicing with you both my whole life, but damn you guys are too bull-headed monsters.”

“We feed off each other's energy,” Steve shrugged with a smirk.

“I know, it’s exhausting, yet entertaining all at the same time,” Bucky smiled as he moved his head side to side.

A knock sounded at the door and they both turned toward the wooden panel.

“Speaking of the devil,” Steve smiled standing up.

Bucky froze.

Shit. One anxiety had been cured now, but he had almost forgotten about his second one...

(Tags for this series will be closing soon as it is getting pretty full, please send an ask if you want to be added:)

I’ll post on whatever chapter I decided to close it down here.

The Number One Rule (TNOR) Taglist:

@shadowolf993 @hello-i-am-daydreaming @jessyballet @emmabarnes @kmuir1 @beautifulrare4leafclover @thefallenbibliophilequote @l0ve-0f-my-life @shawnie--jo–jo @asoftie4bucky @katiaw2 @sheeple @sznri @bxtchboy69 @taliarosej00 @bakugouswh0r3 @stopjustlovethemcu @babemendesxz @jenniereiji @taliarosej00 @loveyou5everr @natdrunk @im-a-light-child @stucky-my-ship @fairykimseok

My Lovelies forever:

@natura1phenomenon @lauravicente @kakakatey @traceyaudette @notyourtypicalrose @laneygthememequeen @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @sandlee44 @thorne93 @thefaithfulwriter @marvelfansworld @essie1876 @greyeyedsmile14 @capsiclehan @xostephanie @averyrogers83 @awesomenursingstudent @gh0stgurl @cs-please @carls1022 @jjlevin @rainbowkisses31 @carls1022 @anise-d-castle6 @deannotmoose @their-bibliophile @kitkatd7 @willowbleedsonpaper @mariaenchanted @snffbeebee @couldabeenamermaid @rebekahdawkins @alyispunk

Bucky Barnes Tags:

@chloe-skywalker @charmedbysarge @jbarness

@bellamy-barnes

Marvel Tags:

@thejourneyneverendsx @death-unbecomes-you @heyiamthatbitch @lizzymacy555 @iheartsebastianstan @srrymydood @xa-dia @redhairedfeistynerd @morganclaire4 @connie326 @captain-asguard @mollygetssherlockcoffee @teenagedreams-bucky @shower-me-with-roses

#bucky barnes au series #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes modern au #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x reader au #bucky barnes x reader au series #bucky barnes x y/n rogers #bucky barnes x y/n rogers au #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes series #justkending #justkending series #justkending marvel #marvel #marvel au #marvel au fanfic

275 notes · View notes

jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 3 years

Text

The Last Weekend (S2, E13)

It’s been a trip fam. Hopefully, it continues for a third season. Thanks for sticking with me this far.

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:19 - That taxidermy is creepy af.

0:25 - Ok. But like, this is amazing. Look at Malcolm. He’s confused, annoyed, and a little pissed off but he doesn’t actually look scared. He just woke up in a strange place tied to a chair and the last thing he remembers is telling his father to run. He knows his serial killer father kidnapped him but he’s not scared because there’s a part of Malcolm that is so so desperate for Martin to love him. Malcolm is NOT okay. His reaction to being kidnapped by his serial killer father is evidence of that. This dude is not in a good mental place. I'm here for it. This is bad.

0:40 - Groggy, annoyed, and sassy Malcolm is adorable.

0:51 - This is a woman who thinks not telling the NYPD about that Capshaw phone call killed her son. She doesn’t know where Malcolm is right now or if he’s alive. BUT Jessica knows Martin has Malcolm and therefore - Malcolm is not safe. The guilt and fear is oozing from Jessica and I want to hug her. :( <3

1:13 - Again. Malcolm is in danger. Why doesn’t Ainsley seem to be worried? At all?!? This girl’s lack of empathy is genuinely concerning. If my brother was abducted by our abusive father I would be a wreck.

1:25 - “Don’t get cocky.” HA. What a great line. Although, it’s really sad to see how desperate Ainsley is for some attention from her mother. Although, I do love the contrast between this line and the line from 1x3: "You watch my reports?" "Not with the sound on". Jessica really is growing as a parent. I love that for her.

1:31 - “Capshaw is claiming Malcolm was Dad’s accomplice.” WHY ISN'T AINSLEY UPSET ABOUT THIS. SHE’S ACTING LIKE IT’S JUST SOME JUICY GOSSIP. BE ANGRY GIRL. BE SCARED. BE UPSET. THIS IS YOUR BROTHER. At least Jessica is pissed and scared about it.

1:46 - “Cruel eyes.” Has Capshaw ever looked at Malcolm? That boy has the sweetest eyes ever. They’re a gorgeous shade of blue, wide, and expressive. Never cruel. Often fearful. ALSO the fact that Capshaw looks at the window (where she knows Malcolm’s friends are standing) when she says this INFURIATES ME. I want this woman dead. She is the spawn of Satan and you can't change my mind.

1:50 - The way Dani looks at Gil when he says, “You buying this?” is wonderful. This girl is scandalized at the idea that Gil might be buying Capshaw’s story. This girl is team Malcolm and I love her for it. She's so offended at the idea that Gil - the man who's known Malcolm since he was 10 years old - might think Malcolm is a bad guy. <3 <3

1:52 - “Our boy’s crazy, but not that crazy.” <3 <3 <3 Every time JT calls Malcolm “our boy” or “our guy” my heart explodes. I love the evolution of their relationship so so so much. <3 Also JT is giving off major big brother vibes to Dani and Malcolm this episode and I LOVE IT. <3

1:54 - “Good. We all know she’s lying. Problem is we’re the only ones.” This whole scene. *CHEF’S KISS* Seriously, protective!Dani, protective!JT, and protective!Gil in the same scene?!? All going to bat for Malcolm? I’m in love. This is the found family content I’m here for. ALSO look at GIL. This man is so so pissed that someone is trying to paint his surrogate son as the bad guy. Gil is a good man but someone is threatening his family and that means he’s going to break his own rules. <3 I’m here for it. This is the kind of inner turmoil I subscribed to this show for.

2:02 - "Good morning sleepyhead." I have thoughts. 1) If Martin truly cared about Malcolm why didn't he restrain Malcolm on one of those twin beds (where he could actually sleep) instead of tying him to a chair?!?! 2) Look at how hard Martin is trying to act like Malcolm's friend (not even a good friend). He's not acting like Malcolm's dad. A dad or a good friend wouldn't leave a guy who just suffered from an embolism alone and tied to a chair. They'd take him to a hospital, obviously that was out of the question here. So for the sake of this comparison, a good friend/dad would have put Malcolm on the bed, gotten some warm blankets for him, made sure water was close by, and stayed with him until he woke up - to you know, MAKE SURE HE'S STILL BREATHING?!?! BUT not Martin, this dude just waltzes into the room and delivers a mildly condescending yet cheery rendition of "good morning sleepyhead" almost as though Malcolm's unconscious state was a burden to Martin. Even though Malcolm was unconscious because MARTIN DRUGGED HIM (also not good!Dad behaviour).

2:04 - "You drugged me?!?" This breaks my heart. After everything, Malcolm is still surprised (and rightfully annoyed) that his father drugged him. Malcolm knows that Martin is a bad man. He knows Martin has drugged him before. He knows he shouldn't trust Martin but after everything there's still a part of Malcolm desperate to believe that Martin loves him. PLUS one of the last memories Malcolm has before he woke up in this motel is of Martin saving his life. Malcolm was giving in to the "maybe Dad really does love me" mentality. It's heartbreaking and I want to give Malcolm a hug.

2:23 - I find this whole exchange so upsetting yet interesting. Both Malcolm and Martin are being openly hostile to each other. Usually, Malcolm is civil to Martin but right now, Martin is NOT chained to a wall and Malcolm is acting like an argumentative and whiny teenager (and rightfully so but still not a safe move). Martin is matching Malcolm’s mood. Martin is engaging in Malcolm’s frustration with an off-putting amount of cheer. I honestly believe Martin is just ecstatic that he’s been given an opportunity to ‘be a father’ again. There’s also a part of me that is completely convinced that Martin was already hatching his plan to have Malcolm kill him. Why would he do that? My answer: 1) Martin doesn’t want to go back to prison, 2) To finally get revenge on Malcolm for turning him in in 1998, 3) he’s a predatory psychopath and he saw an opportunity to screw with someone, 4) Martin is pissed off that Malcolm keeps trying to distance himself from Martin. Martin see’s it as betrayal and he wants to make Malcolm suffer.

2:25 - THIS. IS. AMAZING. The way Malcolm immediately panics and tries to escape Martin when the switchblade comes out is incredible. You can see Malcolm’s perspective shift. We actually see it flip back and forth all episode. Half the time, Malcolm is a little boy desperately trying to convince himself that Martin has changed and that Martin loves him. The other half of the time, Malcolm is a logical and educated adult who knows Martin is a dangerous killer who is trying to manipulate him. It’s such a compelling dichotomy.

2:44 - “We are the victims here Malcolm.” I absolutely believe that Martin believes this statement. HOWEVER, I also think he’s using the situation to his advantage in an attempt to sway Malcolm’s trust in him.

2:52 - “You’re in a pickle.” This infuriates me. Martin does NOT love or care about Malcolm. What Martin does love - is what Malcolm does for him. ie. Providing him a connection to the real world (visiting him in prison), giving him an outlet for his attention-seeking needs, giving him a plaything to manipulate. Martin views Malcolm as a pet NOT a person and NOT a son. That kills me.

2:55 - “I need to call Gil.” <3 <3 This is absolutely beautiful and terrifyingly stupid. Beautiful because Malcolm is in trouble and his knee-jerk reaction is “Gil can help. I trust Gil. Gil loves me. He’ll listen. He’ll help.” <3 <3 So precious. It’s scary though because it’s no secret that Martin views Gil as a threat to his family. This will make Martin more determined to manipulate Malcolm. Because again, Martin views everything as possessions. He doesn’t actually love Malcolm, Ainsley, and Jessica. He loves the idea of them and what he can do with them. He doesn’t actually care about them though. He only cares about their wellbeing to the extent of how it will affect him. (SIDE NOTE: I’m honestly crushed that we didn’t get a proper Gil+Martin face off during this finale.)

2:58 - “Gil’s great and all.” This man speaketh from his ass. He hates Gil. This is some damn fine manipulation. He’s interaction with Malcolm in a way he knows Malcolm will have a positive reaction. I respect it. It also makes my blood boil (out of love for Malcolm).

3:05 - “Who would you believe?” This hurts. Look at how absolutely crushed Malcolm looks. Malcolm knows no one will believe him. Why would they? He’s the son of a serial killer with well documented mental health issues and well documented issues with rule-following. It’s common knowledge that he’s an intense and weird dude. And it’s all Martin’s fault.

3:07 - “Can we talk?” I’m impressed. First, Martin complements the man he knows Malcolm respects more than anything. Then, he appeals to Malcolm’s insecurities and fears of being ‘The Surgeon’s son’. He does it all calmly, in a comforting tone of voice. This is manipulation at its finest.

3:17 - “You look ridiculous.” This is Malcolm fully aware that Martin just tried to manipulate him. It still hurt Malcolm because those fears about no one believing him are completely rational and a very logical outcome of the scenario but at least Malcolm is aware of Martin’s game.

3:30 - “I’m Clare.” .....Clare = Claremont. Did Martin do that subconsciously or is he aware? I can totally see him accidentally picking that name because after 20 years he’s begun to define himself as a part of the Claremont institution. He’s almost trying to maintain that link to the life he’s become accustom to.

3:35 - “Too insane.” Holy shit. Malcolm sassing Martin is 1) hilarious but 2) super scary because I just keep waiting for Martin to snap and hurt Malcolm for his “disrespectful and ungrateful behaviour”. Malcolm really has no fear in this scene and I’m scared for what that means for his mental state. It’s not good. That much I know.

3:45 - “I’m not your friend.” This broke my heart. Malcolm is so upset as he delivers this little outburst. He can see that Martin is trying to act like his friend instead of a loving father. It’s killing the little boy inside of Malcolm. It’s also frustrating for Malcolm because he wants so badly to do the right thing (turn Martin in) but he also just wants his dad to act like a real dad.

3:55 - The fear in Malcolm’s eyes when Martin brings the knife back out. <3 Gorgeous.

4:00 - The trepidation in Malcolm’s face as Martin cuts him loose. <3 ALSO, “I didn’t kill you. That’s gotta count for something.” why the hell should that count for something now? Martin tried to kill a 10 year old Malcolm. That should be the end. Any FATHER who tries to kill his 10 year old son (no matter what the kid may have done) is a garbage human and that child should never be told he has to forgive, trust, or have a relationship with his father. On some level Malcolm knows this BUT he’s also desperately trying to convince himself that Martin is a changed man.

4:12 - WTF Ainsley? This scene genuinely makes me believe Ainsley has been somehow involved in this whole prison break scheme. Or at least, she’s been in contact with Martin since the escape.

4:43 - “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Okay. Fine. Ainsley is finally showing a bit of fear here. But is it because of the Woodsman? Something tells me Martin has gotten into Ainsley’s head and Ainsely genuinely believes that Malcolm is safe with Martin. The Woodsman changes things though. Maybe the Woodsman was a variable Ainsley wasn’t expecting or didn’t plan with Martin.

5:00 - “Why are we in Vermont?” First of all - there’s something precious about the way this line was delivered. Secondly, why is Malcolm eating? Doesn’t most food make him sick (1x1)? This is a high stress situation - presumably he’d be too nauseous/stressed to eat right now.

5:15 - “That dream’s as dead as your 23 victims.” hahahaha ZING. This line actually hurts though. It’s not just Martin’s dream that’s dead. Malcolm’s is too. Presumably Malcolm has a fantasy somewhere in the back of his mind where he’s happily married with children. Hell, maybe his children visit their grandparents every weekend for Sunday brunch? But Malcolm probably doesn’t actually think he can have kids or a spouse because he’s terrified of what kind of a father and husband he’d be. That’s Martin’s fault. Martin has doomed Malcolm to avoid the deep, meaningful relationships in life that Malcolm clearly craves.

5:25 - “I’m absolutely right” The anger in Malcolm’s voice is incredible and concerning. On one hand, it’s great that he’s being honest with Martin. He’s making Martin work for his trust and he’s communicating that Martin ruined certain aspects of Malcolm’s life. On the other hand, this boy has no sense of self-preservation. He’s provoking a predatory psychopath. He’s almost begging Martin to hurt him. I’m terrified at what that means for Malcolm’s mental health.

5:35 - “Don’t you ever think it’s possible that I changed?” Look at Martin’s big stupid face. He doesn’t believe that he’s changed. He’s just trying to manipulate Malcolm. Martin doesn’t view Malcolm as a son. Just as a plaything.

5:55 - “You want to find a missing woman. That’s your brilliant plan?” It’s an excellent plan. It’s a plan Martin knows Malcolm won’t be able to deny. Martin has observed Malcolm’s obsession with understanding serial killers for 23 years. Martin has watched Malcolm torture himself to save the victims of serial killers. Martin knows this is the one plan that will (at least temporarily) stop Malcolm from turning him in. Malcolm’s need to help other people is stronger than his need to help himself. So again, Martin is a shitty father.

6:19 - “I worked the Woodsman case at the bureau for years.” Of course he did. $100 bucks says Martin knew that and he planned this out before his escape. Capshaw was an inconvenient hiccup in the plan but he was always going to kidnap Malcolm and try to manipulate Malcolm into becoming his partner in crime.

6:42 - “Someone who’s not going to call Gil Arroyo the first chance he gets.” Damn. Martin feels threatened by Gil’s relationship with Malcolm. Which is why an escaped!Martin and Gil showdown would’ve made my year.

6:46 - How convenient that Jeannie is from New York.

6:52 - “But we could save her. Together.” Ugh. This breaks my heart. You can see that Malcolm knows Martin is manipulating him. You can also see that this is an offer Malcolm can’t deny. Saving people and finding/understanding killers is what keeps Malcolm sane. PLUS he desperately wants to spend time with the ‘nice’ version of his dad. The one he remembers from 1998. Malcolm is eating out of the palm of Martin’s hand and it’s so so so upsetting.

7:01 - Why does Gary look so much like Deputy Crutchfield? It’s the moustache.

7:10 - “This is my partner. Cameron.” UGh. I’m going to throw up. 1) Malcolm’s startled expression melts my heart. This boy does not want to be Martin’s partner in any sense of the word. 2) Was Martin implying that Cameron is Clare’s sexual partner? The hand around Malcolm’s shoulders made it feel that way to me.

7:15 - Ugh. :( The way Malcolm looks at the hand on his shoulder. :( You can see how conflicted he feels. He likes the gentle, fatherly physical affection from Martin but he knows that Martin is a killer and this is an act. You can see that Malcolm knows this is all a hoax but you can also see how desperately Malcolm wants to believe in it.

7:45 - OMG. This is a man who hasn’t been in public for a very long time. This is not socially acceptable behaviour and Malcolm looks so embarrassed and scared (that someone will recognize the serial killer making loud noises of pleasure over his pancakes).

7:55 - I love that Malcolm isn’t eating. It aligns with Malcolm’s canonical eating problems. Kudos for the rare plot consistency.

8:13 - “I suppose I’m a little bisexual.” Ugh. Shut up Martin. You absolute moron. You’re not bisexual. You’re just a manipulative nutcase. It does make me wonder though, is this Martin’s way of trying to bond with Malcolm? Like maybe (whether it’s true or not) Martin thinks Malcolm might not be straight and he’s trying to have a father-son coming out of the closet moment? .....it sounds like a reach even in my head but here I am with this theory.

8:39 - The fact that Martin is such a verbal feminist throughout this show is so off putting to me. He’s a serial killer. He has no issues MURDERING people for FUN. Yet somehow it feels like I’m supposed to respect him more than the average man because he believes women are people with rights? Nah. It makes me hate him more because I don’t thinks he’s an actual feminist. I think he’s acting. He’s trying to appeal to what will make him seem more likeable. I think it’s a tactic he uses to soften Malcolm to his manipulation.

8:48 - “I worked this case for years. Almost lost my mind over it.”........okay so I want more details on this. Did the FBI take him off the case? Did he stop working the case because he was fired? Did Gil watch Malcolm become consumed by the case and beg him to take himself off the case?

8:52 - “I called every number at the FBI. You wanted nothing to do with me.” I hate Martin. He’s trying to blame Malcolm. He’s suggesting that more women could have been saved from the Woodsman if Malcolm hadn’t been ignoring Martin while he worked for the FBI. Martin is actually implying that the Woodsman could have been caught years ago if Malcolm wasn’t such a bad son.

8:57 - “...such anger issues. Still do.” I’m going to punch him. I hate Martin. He’s mentally torturing our mental-fragile baby and he’s having fun doing it. Malcolm looks absolutely wrecked and my heart is shattering. Someone needs to give Malcolm a hug. Yesterday.

8:59 - This moment has been giffed but damn is it worth pointing out again. The way Malcolm is self-soothing with his left hand while his right hand shakes is gorgeous. It really shows the depth of Malcolm’s inner conflict. I’m in love with this moment. Give Tom Payne an Emmy. Please.

9:13 - “There’s no time, my boy.” Every word that comes out of Martin’s mouth is calculated and manipulative. He has Malcolm exactly where he wants him and I hate it.

10:05 - I’m 90% sure Martin already knows who the Woodsman is. He’s just playing dumb so he can screw with Malcolm’s head for longer.

10:17 - YES MALCOLM. Stand up to Martin. I love it. It also makes me worry about Malcolm’s mental health but I think we can all agree that Malcolm’s been on a downward spiral for months. At this point, our boy is not going to start improving his mental state until he hits rock bottom.

10:19 - Martin actually looks shocked when Malcolm demands he earn his trust. Like it never occurred to him that Malcolm might be willing to rebuild the trust to begin with.

10:30 - This whole scene between Gil and Ruiz is genuinely one of my top scenes of this episode (maybe even of the season). “The media will crucify him” “You might as well issue a shoot on sight order” “This isn’t a joke” “He has his demons but he’s not his father.” “I’ll stake my career on it.” This is one of the purest Papa!Gil scenes of the season and Malcolm isn’t even present. I love how Gil is literally willing to put his entire career on the line for Malcolm. I love how Gil is fighting for Malcolm in a public setting. Look at how the whole precinct watches the exchange. Gil is putting himself on the line in front of an entire precinct of people who respect him out of love for Malcolm. <3 <3 <3

10:47 - “If he’s still alive.” If. Gil is terrified. Gil is losing hope. This isn’t like Watkins. Gil knows how desperately Malcolm wants Martin’s love and Gil knows that compromises Malcolm’s ability to profile his way out of a dangerous situation. Gil knows that Martin will kill Malcolm. Maybe not today, this week, or this year but it’s part of Martin’s plan. Gil knows that even if Martin doesn’t kill Malcolm - he’s capable of taking Malcolm away forever. Maybe by going on the run but maybe just because he tormented Malcolm to the point where Malcolm regresses to the scared 10-year old that Gil worked so hard to help. Gil knows Malcolm won’t survive that kind of trauma again. At least not mentally. Gil is terrified and I’m in awe.

11:05 - “C’mon kid. Where the hell are you?” Hear that? It’s my heart shattering into a million pieces because this is the type of father Malcolm deserves. The fatherly concern Gil has for Malcolm is everything to me.

11:20 - “Damn his daughter’s smoking.” hahahaha the irony.

11:24 - Why am I so shocked and delighted that Malcolm has an NYPD ID? <3 It makes perfect sense that he’d have one but now I have these headcanons of Gil taking Malcolm around to the accounting office, and the administration offices to get him set up at the NYPD and my heart can’t handle how cute it is.

12:12 - “You brought egg salad.” Ugh. These guys are so artificially in love and it grosses me out.

12:54 - See what I mean? Crutchfield looks like Gary from the motel. I can’t unsee it.

13:12 - Look another moment where Gil is CLEARLY thinking “this family I swear” hahahaha this man is so done with life today

13:44 - “I know that look Jess.” <3 Aww....they’re practically married. <3 Jokes aside, this is amazing. Jessica respects Gil and she stops her plans when she notices the look on Gil’s face. She knows he’s not trying to control her - he’s trying to protect her and her children. He loves them and he’s trying to lighten her load.

15:00 - “It’s your Lieutenant.” there’s a split second when you can see the hope, confusion, and fear clouding Malcolm’s face. For just a moment he thinks Gil is on the phone. Then the deputy says “Clare” and Malcolm’s expression transforms into one of annoyance and disgust.

15:20 - “I didn’t have a credit card.” BAHAHAHAHAHA can we all just agree that talking about porn with your adult children is gross?

15:27 - This. Is. The. Worst. Thing. That. Could. Happen. The headline says “Son of Martin Whitly” and then later we find out Malcolm BRIGHT is on a wanted poster. Malcolm’s privacy from the press has been compromised. His life has been compromised. Nothing will ever be the same. This is bad for Malcolm’s already fragile mental health. His flimsy sense of safety has been forcibly removed and the public is going to crucify him again. Just for being Martin Whitly’s son. People are going to Google him. They’re going to find out he went to Harvard, that he was fired from the FBI, that he has mental health problems (although, Ainsley already exposed that).

15:52 - Damn. It should be illegal for someone’s wanted picture to be that attractive (and I say that as an asexual).

16:00 - “You need a minute?” I love LOVE this interaction between JT and Dani. You can see that JT is a little unsure of how to talk to Dani because he loves her like a little sister and he knows she loves Bright. It’s adorable. <3 Big brother JT is my favourite JT.

16:17 - “I like the guy.” UGH. I’m going to go sob in the corner. <3 <3 This line is AMAZING for two (2) reasons. 1) JT is admitting that he likes Malcolm. The bromance is real and I’m here for it. 2) This is JT subtly telling Dani that he knows she likes Bright as more than a friend and it’s not a bad thing. Malcolm isn’t a bad person and he can understand why she’s attracted to the annoying little dude. <3

16:35 - Why is Ainsley working with Dani and JT? Does she actually want to find them? I still think she’s somehow involved in this.

16:48 - “Did you steal this truck?!?” Good boy Malcolm. Don’t trust him.

17:05 - Martin’s biggest mistake: he underestimated how devoted Malcolm is to his ‘mission’. He wasn’t able to manipulate and subdue Malcolm as quickly as he would’ve liked and now his plan is unravelling because Malcolm is snapping out of his ‘Martin might be good’ trance.

17:19 - “I’m calling Gil. I should’ve known.” <3 I have no words. Just joy.

17:45 - “I do not want my son getting killed because of it.” LIES. Martin tried to kill Malcolm because of it when Malcolm was 10 years old. Martin didn’t care when Malcolm was bullied, shunned, and literally locked in a closet because of Martin. Martin didn’t care that the weight of his crimes destroyed his son’s childhood and continued mental health. Martin. Doesn’t. Care. The problem? Malcolm so so desperately wants to believe that Martin cares about him. You can convince yourself of almost anything if you want to badly enough.

18:13 - Annnnnd Martin’s plan is back on. He’s lied his way back into Malcolm’s tentative good graces and the manipulation is still in full force.

18:18 - The parallel that Martin is going on a stakeout with Malcolm right now and the fact that Gil used to take Malcolm on stakeouts as a kid is overwhelming. Do you think Martin knew about those stakeouts? Is this Martin’s way of trying to prove to Malcolm that he’s a better father than Gil?

18:33 - I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. Capshaw is crazy and I don’t like her alone with my queen Jessica. #stressed

18:37 - “Believe me, I understand.” Ugh. Someone (preferably Gil) hug Jessica. This woman has been repressing her emotions for too long. :(

18:56 - Ooooooooohhhhhh Capshaw just made the biggest mistake of her life. This woman is actively trying to convince the world that Malcolm is just like Martin Whitly and then she said as much to his mother’s FACE. I’m here for the lady fight. Say what you want, but vicious girl fights are so much more entertaining than dudes who just hit each other.

19:29 - Bitch. Jessica regularly mixes pills with alcohol. Research your victim, moron. This isn’t going to work.

19:56 - “You. Always you.” .....isn’t that what Malcolm said to Eve? Ew. ALSO the way Martin dismisses Malcolm’s admittance is very upsetting. If he wanted to prove that he’s a good father he should really pretend to care. At least a little.

20:25 - As far as Martin is concerned, this is a victory. His son trusts him enough to let him out of the car - unsupervised. Martin’s plan is working (as far as Martin knows anyways. Malcolm is still definitely conflicted).

20:43 - I love that Malcolm keeps calling for “Martin”. Not “Dad”. Not “Dr. Whitly” (that would be bad on account of the manhunt). Just “Martin”. This goes back to Malcolm not knowing who “Martin” is to him He’s still trying to figure it out. Hell, he only resorts to calling him “Clare” when he thinks it’s the only way Martin will get back in the truck.

21:15 - “What the hell is he doing?” EXCELLENT question. Seriously - did this moron not recognize the Surgeon and his son? There’s a literal manhunt for these two right now. It’s all over the news. It was playing on the precinct TV only a few hours ago. WHY DID CRUTCHFIELD NOT CALL ANYONE ABOUT THEIR IDENTITIES?!? Isn’t it protocol to call the NYPD about this or a hotline? I’m sure it said as much on the wanted flyers and the news.

22:05 - I’m honestly so stressed that Jessica is tipsy and drugged right now.

22:35 - “Back then I wasn’t a good judge of character. Now I can sniff them out a mile away.” UGH. This honestly gives me PTSD. My mom says the same thing. She married an abusive man and now she claims she’s self-aware and is an excellent judge of character (spoiler alert: she’s not). My mom is about as good at it as Jessica. I mean, anyone remember Endicott? Or Eve?

23:06 - “What was that Jessie?” OMG. I hate Capshaw more with each passing moment.

23:16. - GIL. OH THANK GOD. JESSICA IS GOING TO BE OKAY. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY. JESSICA DIDN’T GO LONE RANGER ON THIS.

23:34 - Is that a picture of baby Malcolm on the mantle? <3 So cute. <3

24:10 - This bitch is going to jail for a looooonnnng time. Gil Arroyo and Jessica Whitly just heard her admit to torturing their son. She’s going to suffer. I’m happy about it.

24:28 - “Daddy. Daddy.” My heart is breaking. This is a real insecurity that Jessica has about Malcolm. She feels like she’s not enough for Malcolm. That’s why he keeps visiting Martin. That’s why Malcolm was so attached to Gil and Jackie as a kid (and now). Jessica feels inadequate as a mother. That probably contributes to how she emotionally neglects Ainsley. She’s afraid of trying and failing to be enough for both of her children. So she denies herself the possibility of failure by throwing the match.

25:07 - Jessica and Malcolm studying Krav Maga together. Headcannon accepted. My heart swells at the thought.

26:12 - Anyone else think it’s interesting that the picture of baby Ainsley was smashed over Jessica’s head. It just feels too convenient. It has to be some sort of hidden message. Does it mean that Ainsley’s the one who is going to destroy the family? Does it mean Ainsley’s working with Capshaw (or Martin)? It has to mean something. Right?!?

26:34 - “I meant for her sake.” I love Gil. He’s not threatened by the fact that Jessica is a badass. Hell, he thinks it hot. Weak men are intimidated by strong women. Gil’s a keeper.

26:46 - WHUMP. <3

27:15 - This wasn’t part of Martin’s plan but I do genuinely think Martin’s not nearly as scared as he’s acting.

27:38 - Why doesn’t JT introduce Ainsley? Because she’s not law enforcement and she’s not technically supposed to be there?

27:56 - Damn. Ainsley is desperate for attention from anyone. I bet you that’s why she became a reporter. People have to listen to you when your face is on their TV reporting the news.

29:41 - JT is triggered. :( This is PTSD. The last time a gun was pointed at him it was extremely traumatic “I’m a father. I’m a good man and I am not a threat to you.” :( Someone hug him.

29:57 - “But she is.” <3 DAMN. Badass!Dani for the win. <3

30:34 - “Predatory psychopath married an emotionally compromised enabler.” Is this a comment on Jessica and Martin’s marriage? Jessica didn’t consciously enable Martin but her rich lifestyle and the things she was willing to overlook to maintain appearances definitely gave Martin more leeway than he should have had.

30:48 - “You haven’t been in my league for decades.” Yep. Now Martin wants to kill Don. He didn’t need Malcolm to beg him to hurt Don. Martin was already chomping at the bit.

32:00 - “NO.” Malcolm’s not his father. Even now he doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. He tries to protect everyone from physical harm. Even serial killers. That’s a good man.

32:30 - I hated this speech from Ainsley. It felt....artificial? I just can’t see Ainsley actually believing that her Mother is light, kind, and good when she clearly resents her Mother for paying so much attention to Malcolm and neglecting her. This whole speech just felt really out of character to me. It felt like Ainsley was pulling a Malcolm - saying whatever she needed to get the suspect to confess to the truth.

33:43 - “I can’t. Not anymore.” Bullshit. Martin clearly wants to hurt this guy. He just refuses to do it until Malcolm begs. Also, it feels like the show is trying to suggest that this is Malcolm giving into the ‘darkness’ that Ainsley was referring to. I disagree. This is typical Malcolm - consumed by the need to save a victim and solve the case. This is the guy who chopped off a guy’s hand to save his life, the guy who tried to infiltrate a cult to save Andi, the guy who tried climbed out of an elevator shaft to arrest a serial killer. Malcolm just doesn’t care about himself and his mental health isn’t doing so great. That doesn’t mean he’s becoming a killer. He’s not ‘going dark’.

34:40 - “Please. I’m asking as your son.” This wrecked me. 1) Malcolm looks so utterly destroyed here. Anguish is all over his face. You can see him grasping at straws because he’s so desperate to save Jeannie. He’s willing to compromise the idea that his Dad may have changed. Malcolm knows Martin hasn’t changed but asking him to do this will make it real and kill Malcolm’s desperate fantasy of a bio-dad who loves him. 2) Martin is a piece of shit. You can see how utterly delighted he is when Malcolm begs and refers to himself as Martin’s son. Martin views Malcolm as a possession and it delights him to hear Malcolm confirm that possession (”I’m asking as you son.”)

35:00 - Okay. His hand isn’t shaking but look at him. You can’t tell me he’s enjoying this. He looks terrified, guilty, nauseous and I don’t think it’s because he’s suddenly realizing that he and Martin are the same. I think it’s because he just compromised his moral code to save a total stranger. He somehow found it in himself to favour a Jeannie over Don. Yes - Don is a serial killer. Yes - Jeannie is his victim. So, yeah - picking Jeannie over Don is logical but does that make it right? That’s what Malcolm is struggling with. That AND the fact that he just asked his Dad to hurt someone - the screaming is probably bringing back suppressed childhood PTSD from that camping trip in the woods.

35:13 - Another crazy theory for why Malcolm’s hand isn’t shaking. Have you ever been so so so scared/stressed/anxious that you felt nothing? Seriously - it’s like your brain just shuts down everything but life support and your body goes on autopilot. I honestly think that could be happening to Malcolm as a way to cope with the stress.

35:20 - This is Martin pretending to be tormented and I HATE HIM FOR IT. He’s playing with our broken boy and I despise him for it. Hasn’t Malcolm suffered enough?!?!

36:04 - Something tells me that Don’s testimony will be vital to clearing Malcolm’s name next season (yes, I’m in complete denial that this show is cancelled).

37:03 - This hurts. Martin is comforting Jeannie and it’s bringing back childhood memories for Malcolm. Memories of a Dad who used to read him bedtime stories and tuck him into bed at night. Memories that are tainted with the knowledge that Martin is a serial killer. Look at how sad Malcolm is. He’s fully accepting that Martin hasn’t changed and that he never will. He’s letting go of the desperate hope that Martin might love him the way he remembers as a child. He’s remembering that the love he experienced as a child was all a hoax on Martin’s part to begin with.

37:07 - WHEN DID MALCOLM GET A PHONE??!?! WTF.

37:14 - “The bad man is gone now.” Except he’s not. He’s always been here. He didn’t change. He just tried to be cleverer than his son. It failed.

37:52 - Do you know what would have made this scene even more powerful? A flashback to the phone call baby Malcolm made to 911 in 1998.

38:08 - NOW Martin is Dr.Whitly because Malcolm has fully accepted that Martin = The Surgeon = Dr. Whitly. They’re all the same and they all suck.

38:33 - “Maybe I need to work on that.” <3 <3 Yes, get sober sweetheart. Your dependance on alcohol and pills is not healthy.

38:45 - This Gillica moment will live forever in my heart. I swear I’ve never shipped to people so hard while fully wanting them to be my parents.

38:51 - OMG. Of fucking course it’s Edrisa. <3 hahahahaha

39:29 - The fact that Malcolm gave Jeannie his jacket is so cute to me. Just more proof that Malcolm’s a good guy.

39:57 - Looks like the Claremont cardio program is lacking. (I’m so mean).

40:08 - I love this whole exchange between Martin and Malcolm. 1) I fully believe that Martin is genuinely upset that Malcolm turned him in (the dude doesn’t want to go back to prison - fair enough). 2) Malcolm just looks so broken as he listens to his father rant. You can see how bad Malcolm feels for turning his own father over to the cops. Again. The guilt is consuming Malcolm. Very bad for his flimsy mental health.

40:22 - “You made me become him again.” Okay. Stay in your lane Martin. Let’s not victim blame here. You’re a monster. You’ve been manipulating Malcolm all day and you’re still at it. You wanted to hurt Don but you want to hurt Malcolm more.

41:11 - “This world isn’t for you.” My heart is shattering. You can hear the pain in Malcolm’s voice. This isn’t a conversation anyone should have to have with a parents. Especially not when you’re already wracked with guilt and mental health issues that you’re not coping with.

41:20 - “Dad. Listen to me. I’m trying to save you.” THIS. THIS is the show. For two years we’ve watched Malcolm try to empathize and understand killers because he’s desperate to save his father and alleviate his guilt for turning Martin in.

42:00 - “I was a good father. But you, you were never a good son.” ...............this is bad. Shit. This. Is. Bad. This is going to torment Malcolm for the rest of his life. He is going to constantly question “should I have been nicer to Ainsley? Should I have been more obedient? Should I have shown more of an interest in medicine? Would that have stopped that from killing? Did he kill because I wasn’t a good enough son?” Logically Malcolm will know none of that is true but it won’t matter because pain isn’t always logical.

42:26 - 1) Damn. This family is stabby. 2) holy shit holy shit holy shit. 3) I’m shook. I fully expected it but I’m still shook. It was self defence but that won’t matter. Sure, there’s a 90% chance that Malcolm won’t suffer legally for this but there’s a 100% chance this is going to ruin Malcolm’s life. The guilt is going to swallow him whole. His mental health is going. to reach an all time low. The media will crucify him. No one will look at him the same. He won’t be able to go anywhere without people making assumptions about him. He’s going to be transported back to 1998 - this time with more trauma. It’s not going to be good (and I’m ecstatic at the thought of it because I’m an emotional whump whore).

42:40 - His hand’s not shaking. I honestly think it’s because he’s in shock because Malcolm still looks like hell. He’s dissociating. If this triggers a mute!Malcolm episode I’m going to be the most excited person in the world.

42:46 - “I was right. We’re the same.” This was Martin’s master plan. He knew once he escaped Claremont there was no going back. He didn’t want to go back to prison so he found a way to get himself killed (I’m assuming this kills Martin because that’s a lot of blood). No only did he plan to either 1) be on the run forever or 2) die trying - he made sure that he could torment Malcolm as much as possible along the way. This sentence is going to destroy Malcolm. That sentence has been his greatest fear for 23 years. Now he thinks it’s true. It doesn’t matter that he stabbed out of self-defence. Fear isn’t logical. This is a big problem.

43:12 - “Bright? What did you do?!?” ..................It’s been 3 days and I still can’t handle this sentence. You can see the shock on Dani’s face and the fear in Malcolm’s eyes. He looks like a cornered animal. He thinks she’s going to arrest him - he knows she has to. He thinks he just ruined his chances at a happy ending with Dani. He’s realizing all at once just how bad his life is about to get. AND DANI - she doesn’t believe he’s a killer but that doesn’t mean she’s not scared for him. The dude looks like he’s in the middle of a mental breakdown plus the legal issues - it’s not going to be a good day.

I CAN’T BELIEVE THE SEASON ENDED LIKE THIS. I HATE IT. I LOVE IT. I’M CONFLICTED. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS. I WANT CLOSURE AND THIS JUST GAVE ME MORE QUESTIONS. UGH. THANK GOD FOR AO3.

I sincerely hope another network picks us up for a third season - I’ll be back if they do. If not - thanks for hanging out with me. I’ve had fun and this show will always have home in my heart.

18 notes · View notes

jemmahazelnut · 3 years

Text

Motorcycle flight -Chapter five

Summary: Laxus is a biker, and as soon as he discovers that in the city there’s a motorcycle track for enthusiasts where races are organized every month, he decides to go. As soon as he arrives, he will fall in love with that wonderful place, and will meet the handsome green-haired owner. [Freed/Laxus]

Link: AO3

Here you can find Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four.

There’s a sex scene. No smut. I don't even know why I'm warning you, it's really nothing explicit, not even a little bit, but I think it's right to do it. Enjoy the reading :)

The new track

Laxus had never felt so nervous. He had never witnessed an accident in the first person, and seeing Freed jump off his motorbike had been a terrifying scene, one that kept repeating itself in his mind intermittently. Afterwards it was all confused, he remembered falling off the bike, probably scratched because he was right behind Freed but he managed to swerve in time. He remembered Lucy's screams and ambulance sirens, but he didn't remember exactly how he got to the hospital. He certainly hadn't gotten there alone.

He only knew that at the moment he was sitting in the emergency room with Lucy and Natsu beside him. The girl was white in the face and she didn't say a word, while the boy kept pacing nervously back and forth to release the tension.

“Lucy, what happened?”

Laxus heard the voice and looked up not recognizing who he was. When he saw the woman, he realized that he had never actually seen her.

“An accident, we... we don't know anything yet,” the blonde replied. Laxus realized there was also a man and Brandish. Only then did he realize that the two must be Freed's parents. Of course they were there. Still the images of the accident didn’t make him think well. He shifted his gaze to Brandish, who just nodded to him. The girl then crossed her arms, if she was nervous, she wouldn't show it.

“How did it happen?” the woman always asked. Lucy tried to explain, and Laxus was forced to get up so as not to listen to everything again. He walked towards Natsu, and the boy glanced at Freed's parents but didn't say a word to them.

“Why does it take so long?” asked Natsu. Laxus didn't answer, not knowing what to tell him. At that point, however, as if someone had heard the question, the door opened and a doctor came out. Everyone immediately surrounded him waiting for news.

“The boy is fine, he was lucky,” he told them. Laxus let out a sigh of relief as he felt his nervousness disappear. Lucy murmured 'Thank God' and Freed's mother stepped forward.

“I want to see my son,” she said. The doctor nodded and just told them not to go in all at once, because the room was small and the boy needed a rest. Laxus wanted to jump into it but Freed's parents were faster and he didn't feel like getting in the way. So, the two adults entered with Brandish and he found himself again waiting with Natsu and Lucy. At least he wasn't nervous anymore because he knew Freed was fine. Although he would’ve preferred to see him with his own eyes.

“We should be in there,” Natsu growled.

“Calm down” said Lucy “Freed’s fine, that's the important thing.”

“Yes, but I'm sure he doesn't even want to see them,” Natsu retorted. Laxus agreed with him, they were probably the last people Freed wanted to see.

“They won't be in there long,” Lucy said with a sigh. “So don't worry, we'll see him soon.”

“Sure,” Natsu growled. Laxus sat down and leaned his head against the wall, letting his anxiety subside at least a little, just hoping to be able to see and hug the boy soon.

***

When the door opened, he was surprised to see his parents. Freed was going to start telling them about everything but when he saw Brandish he calmed down slightly. Although his relationship with his cousin wasn’t the best, she was the only one in the family with whom he could speak in a civilized way.

“How are you?” his mother asked immediately. Freed glanced at the arm in plaster. He also had pain in his leg, but luckily the clothes had protected him enough and, in the end, he got away with a few scratches and a few blows, except for the broken arm.

“Fine,” he just said avoiding his father's gaze and focusing instead on his cousin, hoping she would understand and take his parents away from there. “The others? Laxus, Natsu and Lucy?” he asked, despite a nurse having already told him that he was the only one to have been hit by the car.

“They’re fine. They're out here, they're worried about you,” Brandish replied. Freed nodded in relief and then fell silent, not knowing what to say to his parents. He hadn't seen them for a long time, he had only heard them on the phone and only a few weeks before. He honestly didn't even think they were coming.

“What a bad blow. I've always told you that riding a motorbike is dangerous” said his mother, worried about him, lightly running her fingers over his forehead. Freed stared at her in annoyance. If he hadn't been forced to stay in bed and if he hadn't hurt his arm he would’ve pulled away.

“I'm fine,” he repeated more firmly. “Now that you've done your homework as a good parent, you can go,” he added irritably.

“We are worried about you and you talk to us like this? We thought you died on that damn motorbike!” bellowed his father at that point. Freed looked at him irritably.

“Sure,” he murmured sarcastically and then raised his voice again. “Now you've seen that I'm fine, you can go,” he repeated hard.

“We're not going anywhere. Do you know why this happened? Because you don't listen to us and go prick around thinking only of yourself!” thundered the man. “If you hadn't ridden the bike, you wouldn't be here!”.

“No, it happened because a fucking car overtook when it wasn't supposed to,” Freed retorted.

“If you had driven a car now you wouldn’t be here”.

“It could happen anyway, and since when do you care about me? You threw me out of the house, so go away and leave me alone! “.

“Freed, we're just worried,” Beverly, his mother, tried to say, calmer. “I know we weren't the best parents, but we love you, that's why we complain about motorcycles, because we don't want something like that to happen to you,” she tried to explain more softly, running a hand through Freed's hair, who raised his left arm and pushed it back badly, despite the pang of pain.

“Is that why you destroyed my track? Because I don't think so, the truth is that you’re just obsessed with the reputation that others have of you,” he retorted sourly.

“Still with this story,” his father growled.

“I know it was you,” Freed said, looking at his father. But he wasn't the one to answer.

“You're right, we were fools and we’ll pay you all damages. But please, let's stop with these arguments and come back to us,” Beverly said. Freed was surprised for a moment. It took a few seconds before he thought of an answer, he was already about to start again in bursts to insult them, but his father did it first.

“Good heavens Beverly, what the fuck are you saying?” he blurted out.

“Shut up,” the woman snapped and tears began to flow down her face as she reached out her hand to take Freed's. The boy fell silent and looked away from his mother's guilty face, not knowing how to react. “Please Freed, I don't care if you follow in our footsteps. If you want to keep track, that's fine. I just want to see you again, feel like we're family. I should never have walked away from you, I'm so sorry,” she said with tears in her eyes. Freed didn't know how to react. His father seemed even more furious instead.

“Stop this nonsense,” he told his wife, who shook her head as she sobbed.

“Freed, please...” she repeated.

The boy didn't know what to do. If on the one hand he wanted to throw them out of the room, on the other hand he still felt a little warmth, at least from his mother's part. He closed his eyes for a moment, and luckily Brandish's presence saved him.

“Dad’s calling, he wants to talk to you,” she told Freed's parents. The father picked up the phone and went out and then his mother too got up and followed the man, not before throwing a guilty look at her son. Once they were both out, Brandish glanced at his cousin. “You’re welcome, I expect to be able to use your bathtub for the whole next month for letting them out,” she told. Freed sighed slightly.

“Anyway, you use it already,” he replied in a low voice, although he was grateful.

“Yes, well. Anyway, just so you know, aunt didn't know it was your father who ruined the track until three days ago. They fought a lot. Do what you want with it. Oh, and buy some gummy candies for when I use your tub,” she said, then exited. Freed smiled slightly at his cousin's oddities but didn't object.

He rested his head on the pillow so as to think about what to do with this, but the door swung open again and soon after his friends walked in en masse, not allowing him to do so.

***

“I only have a broken arm, I'm not sick,” Freed snapped as he entered the elevator. Laxus followed, holding the two pizza boxes in his hand.

“Can't you say 'thank you' like any normal person?” the blond asked with a slight smile.

“Well, thanks, we could’ve the bellboys take it home,” Freed grunted irritably.

“You haven't left the house in days,” Laxus pointed out. He was not completely wrong, it was already a lot to have forced him to walk two minutes to go to the pizzeria. Freed snorted.

“Because I had no reason to go out,” he grunted. Laxus rolled his eyes but didn't reply. The elevator reached their floor and Freed opened the door and entered the apartment. The two boys settled on the living room table and began to eat quietly. Since Freed left the hospital, they had only seen each other in their apartments, as Freed didn't really want to leave the house. Not just because of his arm, but also because he had started working from home and sorting out a lot of paperwork for the track.

“Have you decided what to do with yours parents?” Laxus asked and Freed stood with the slice of pizza in the air for a moment, not expecting the blond to ask him. Freed had opened up to him about his, explaining what had happened and how they had called him back. Mainly his mother, but his father too must have regretted what he had done. He hadn't specifically said it, but he had agreed to pay all the damages he had caused. And since the insurance had actually already paid for everything, Freed had decided to use that money to modernize the track.

But he still hadn't gone to them, even though his mother had asked him several times to go to dinner. They were talking on the phone, and Freed had to admit, it was nice to do it after years, even if a little embarrassing. However, still better than completely cutting the bridges.

“No,” he replied then taking a bite. Laxus nodded.

“Have you thought about it?”.

“Not much,” Freed admitted. “What would you do?” he asked. Laxus shrugged.

“I don't have to tell you. But with everything they’re doing, you can see that they’re repentant,” he replied.

“Yes,” Freed murmured. That was true. His father had also proposed to him to open a motorcycle company together. Freed refused, because he didn’t want to start any business with his father, despite the idea of releasing his motorcycles had aroused him a lot. He continued to eat for a while in silence thinking about what to do, until Laxus decided to change the subject and asked him if he wanted to watch a movie.

So, as soon as they finished dinner, they settled on the sofa. They picked a random thriller and turned off the lights, enjoying the scenes. It wasn't much of a movie, but that wasn't why Freed couldn't follow it. His problem was mainly caused by his thoughts, both about his parents and about Laxus. He already knew what he wanted to do, only he didn't know how.

He wanted to go see them, have dinner with them, try to be a normal family. But he knew that it would be terribly embarrassing, and that it would take very little to argue with his father. They had clashed since he was just a teenager, and they had never had a meeting point. Probably, if his mother hadn’t been there, they wouldn’t have spoken again.

As for Laxus instead… Freed was completely in love. It wasn't a real problem, on the contrary, it was something beautiful. Only, he wasn't used to feeling that way, nor was he used to having quiet afternoons and evenings. And Laxus was great. They had seen each other much more often, and mostly they dined together or talked, watched a few movies every now and then. Freed had been afraid he’d be bored as he could no longer ride a motorcycle, but that wasn’t the case. Sure, it was only going to be a month, but still, it was nice. And Freed had promised him that as soon as he recovered, they’d take many trips out of Magnolia.

“Would you like to come to my parents with me?” the question came out of his mouth without him even being able to think about it, and he immediately regretted it. Surprised Laxus turned to him.

“You mean, as a boyfriend?” he asked. Freed didn't dare look at him, feeling his face flush and hating his own skin and reactions when the blonde was around him. He waved it so easily, it wasn't fair. And knowing that they were in a relationship, even though they had never directly talked about it, was nice. Not that it wasn't obvious.

“Um... yes,” he muttered. “I mean, don't feel obligated. It will surely be an awkward dinner. Not for you, but for this whole situation, and they don't even know I'm engaged. In short, if you don't want to, I understand you very well. In fact, if I were you, I'd say no,” he said slightly agitated. Well, he would’ve done better to shut up from the start. Laxus chuckled slightly.

“It’s fine for me,” he replied. It was Freed's moment to turn to him in amazement.

“Really?” he asked. The blond shrugged.

“Sooner or later, I'll have to meet them, right?” he pointed out and Freed again felt his stomach churn at that simple statement, because that made it clear how serious they were making their relationship.

“Well, that's not really necessary. For five years they didn't know anything about my life and…”

“I want to do it,” Laxus interrupted. “Really. And then, it will be a good step to get closer to your parents again. Maybe I'll be the one to dissolve the embarrassment” he added jokingly. Freed raised an eyebrow.

“You?” he asked skeptically. “It will probably be a disaster” he laughed, letting his nervousness subside.

“Of course it will,” Laxus laughed and leaned over him. “But at least we can laugh about it together,” he added softly. Freed melted at that tone and leaned towards him kissing him softly. He loved those moments. Laxus put a hand on his thigh and pushed slightly towards him, parting his lips and making the kiss moister. Freed ran his hand across Laxus’ chest, hating the fact that he was unable to move his other arm.

They stayed for a while kissing on the sofa, until Laxus reached up with his hand for his jeans reaching his crotch and Freed moaned slightly.

“Laxus...” he whispered from his lips.

“Room?” asked the blond. Freed nodded and the two boys made their way to Freed's bedroom. The boy annoyingly tried to take off his shirt but he had some difficulty and Laxus chuckled slightly.

“Leave it,” he said pulling it off and pushing him to lie down on the bed. Freed didn’t object and then reached out and began to lift Laxus' shirt revealing his torso. The blonde took it off and immediately lay down beside him, pulling his arm towards him and kissing him again. The two were lost again in the lips of the other, with their bodies attached and their hands wandering everywhere.

It took a while for them to end up undressing completely. Laxus ran a hand along Freed's back until he reached his buttock, leaving a trail of heat along his skin. Freed let a moan escape from his lips as he positioned himself on top of the blonde and admired his terribly inviting body. He ran his free hand along his torso and then leaned over Laxus again and captured his lips again.

They made love by filling themselves with kisses, enjoying one of the caresses of the other while their minds clouded and their hearts pumped faster and faster. When they both felt they had touched heaven, they lay down next to each other on the bed, still out of breath and swollen lips, shining eyes and blood pumping strongly.

They remained in silence looking at the ceiling for a while, until they both turned to look at each other lovingly and with smiles on their faces. Laxus reached out to Freed's cheek, stroking it gently. He looked at him without saying anything, running his hand through his hair, taking a lock and starting to twist it in his fingers. Freed let him do it, feeling so domestic and happy that he hardly believed it. He was about to close his eyes and curl up beside him when he saw Laxus' gaze waver and the blond began to speak.

“I'm in love with you,” he revealed. Freed's heart, if possible, paused for a moment and then resumed hammering furiously, as the blood began to flow back to his face. A smile spread spontaneously.

“I love you too,” he replied in a whisper. Laxus closed his eyes and rested his forehead on him, while his hand began to massage the back of his neck. Freed enjoyed that attention, without worrying about getting dressed or anything. He closed his eyes and soon fell asleep.

***Six months later***

“What do you think?” Freed asked, pointing to the mechanical workshop he had had opened near the track, inside the Raijinshuu. Laxus looked curious at the place, it wasn't bad. It was big enough, and any bikers who frequented the place would definitely go there. Freed had already hired Gajeel, who had given him other names as well.

“It’s good, do you have other projects in mind?” asked the curious blond and Freed shrugged.

“No, I'd say that's enough. Covered parking, the track, the workshop, the bar, what do you want me to add?” Freed asked.

“Your father isn't that bad after all,” Laxus smiled. He had known him, and although the first dinner had been terribly embarrassing, then he had got used to it. If they invited Brandish too, the discomfort increased. But at least if she was there too with her girlfriend, the two didn't have all the attention on them. Anyway, the funniest part was coming home and talking about Freed's family and their quirks.

“I still prefer your grandfather,” Freed retorted and Laxus laughed. Neither of them had any doubts about that, the first time Makarov had met Freed he had offered him the wine and liqueur that he had personally prepared, insisting that Freed drink it all. And Freed didn't feel like refusing, so the evening ended with a drunkenness for the boy and Laxus who had to drag him up the stairs to 'sleep'.

The two families were completely different, and the two laughed when they thought about how they would react to getting to know each other. Nonetheless, things were going well. More than well, to be honest.

Freed and Laxus headed for the bar.

“So, you don't want to work for me?” Freed joked.

“Nah, better not. I’d risk getting pissed off, I never got along with any of my bosses”.

“Maybe this would be the exception that proves the rule,” Freed speculated. “Besides, I’d risk stealing all your customers”.

“I doubt it since I work on the other side of town. And in case that happens, I'm sure I'd find a job here. I’ve excellent connections,” the blond retorted with a grin as he walked into the bar. Freed didn't answer and as soon as they were inside, they heard Bickslow cheer loudly. Ever since Freed bought the new TV, the bartender was always enthusiastic.

“This TV is great. The best purchase you could make” Bickslow said. “Thanks to this you’ll see how many new customers you’ll have” he said fiddling with the remote control. Freed raised an eyebrow.

“I thought covered parking was the best investment,” he commented.

“What, are you kidding? This is so much better.” Bickslow smiled as Evergreen rolled her eyes in exasperation. Freed smiled and leaned against the bar, glancing at the people who would compete next time. Obviously, among those there was also Laxus, and the usual motorcyclists.

“I thought that after being defeated by Natsu you didn't want to compete anymore,” Freed commented, recalling how the blonde had been pissed off the time before and how Lucy had again cried over the lost money, because she had decided to bet on Laxus.

“I was just a little out of shape” Laxus retorted. “That kid only won out of luck.”

“I wouldn't say so!” Natsu exclaimed, he apparently had longer ears than anyone else in there. “Freed, I still have to beat you! Take part too!” he exclaimed. Freed smiled but shook his head.

“I’d take away all the fun,” he replied calmly.

“There he goes again,” Bickslow muttered.

“Well, that's right. For the first year I lost a lot of clients just because they never managed to win,” Freed reminded him.

“For once you can participate” Cana urged him “And if you participate tell me immediately, so I know who to bet on” she said, ready to put the money in her hands.

“Are you leaving me like this?” Laxus asked surprised.

“Hey handsome blond, last time you lost against Natsu, and if there’s a rule in this field, it’s that the boss never loses,” Cana said immediately. Freed gave Laxus a smirk, who rolled his eyes.

“If you participate, I'll kick your ass, you know,” he warned.

“If you participate, I want to be the first to know, Freed,” Cana continued. Freed seemed to think about it and Laxus was surprised, as he had never seen him compete with others. Then the boy shrugged.

“Well, why not,” he finally decided and walked to the board entering his name. Cana's eyes sparkled and she immediately bet a large sum on him. Laxus gave her a treacherous look. He knew how strong Freed was on the bike, but hell, Laxus was one of the strongest there, if not the strongest. Also, Freed hadn't competed for a while. He smiled at the idea of beating him and a new feeling of competition poured into him. Taking the grin off his face would’ve been a great satisfaction.

***

Freed sat across from him while Laxus fixed his bike and checked that everything was okay. Since the boy would be racing with a different bike than the one he usually used, he had asked Laxus for that favor. Laxus sat down on the ground, while Freed was sat on a bench and watched him curiously.

“You really enjoy doing your job,” he commented.

“Only if they’re gems like that” Laxus smiled “And then, considering the payment in kind, I do it even more willingly” he added with a grin. Freed chuckled and tossed a crumpled napkin at him, which Laxus caught with a smile.

“As long as you're not modifying my bike to make me lose it,” Freed said.

“What great confidence” Laxus said ironically, standing up. “I'm not a baron like you.”

“I don't cheat,” Freed retorted. “I've just been driving for years, and I know my track better than anyone,” he explained.

“You won't win forever, you know?” Laxus asked.

“Maybe when I get old a young boy will be able to beat me” Freed agreed at that point “But you sure have no chance.”

“We'll see,” Laxus smiled. “Your bike’s fine, and I swear I haven't touched anything,” he added with a smirk. Freed didn't object as he picked up the vehicle again and headed for the track, where the race would begin within minutes. Laxus went through the parking lot to take his, but as soon as he was there, he passed Lucy, who was sadly texting someone.

“Hey blondie, are you okay?” he asked.

“It would be better if I could bet on Freed” she objected immediately “But now I can't anymore, and I was hoping to raise money without risk” he snorted. Laxus looked at her for a while in silence, wondering why Lucy was still betting since she had won maybe only twice, only to lose the money won on the next spin. It just didn't make sense to him.

“Bet on me,” he told.

“I guess I'm not betting on anyone, I’d just lose,” the girl said disconsolately. Laxus smiled.

“Bet on me,” he repeated.

“Maybe you've never competed against Freed, but since I've been here, and I've been here since the track opened, he never lost,” she told him.

“There’s always a first time, right? Bet a little, so you'll lose little money, and if you win, you'll get all the money Cana staked on Freed,” Laxus told. Lucy seemed to think about it for a moment uncertain, like every time someone told her to bet on him. “And anyway, I've competed with Freed a couple of times. Trust me, I'll wipe that grin off his face once and for all,” he told confidently. Lucy sighed.

“I just hope I don't get it wrong,” Lucy murmured with a little hope. Laxus smiled and walked past, ready to beat his boyfriend.

***

Bickslow and Evergreen were pouring drinks for everyone, after the race a party had broken out and everyone was celebrating, some more and some less satisfied. For once, Cana wasn’t the center of attention, and she was content with a small glass of beer that Mirajane had offered to her as a consolation. Lucy instead had taken a huge glass of beer, she was celebrating with Natsu and her eyes glistening with her joy.

That only meant one thing. Freed had been beaten by Laxus, and was now sitting at a table with a frown on his face. Bickslow kept repeating the scene where Laxus had overtaken Freed on the huge TV and kept making fun of his friend, who was pouting more and more. Laxus next to him was probably the most pleased person in there.

“Hey Bix, a beer for the absolute champion of the track. And one for the brat who's been sulking since he lost,” he said with a grin.

“Shut up,” Freed grunted who still didn't believe he had lost. “And I'm sure you've changed something on my bike. Or maybe you rigged your,” he objected.

“You can have it checked,” Laxus said. “But I keep telling you, you’ve too many beliefs. It had to happen, and better with me than with Natsu, right?” he commented. “Even though he was in the lead at one point, you softened up a lot, huh?”

“Shut up,” Freed repeated frowning, taking a sip of the beer as Laxus put an arm around his shoulders laughing.

“You’ve bragged for years that you’re the absolute champion, and I can't do it?” he asked derisively and Freed rolled his eyes.

“You're annoying,” he muttered and the blonde laughed.

“Yes, but you were much worse than me,” he told and squeezed his hand on his shoulder, pulling it lightly against him and lowering his voice. “I expect a nice prize for beating the absolute champion” he told him in his ear and Freed smiled amused, letting his nervousness pass in the blink of an eye.

“Ask what you want,” he said and his lips curled into a mischievous smile. “I can buy you a new motorbike, offer you a fantastic dinner...” he began and Laxus laughed in his ear.

“You know what I want” he replied in the same tone and Freed smiled, breaking away a little.

“I guess you'll have to wait,” he replied and then picked up the glass again, taking a sip and throwing it an eloquent look.

“Laxus, I love you!” exclaimed Lucy shines hugging him from behind, and the two boys looked at her a little perplexed. “I've won so much money, practically all the money I've lost this year.”

“Hey, get your hands off my girlfriend!” Natsu exclaimed.

“She's the one who sticks,” Laxus grunted as Lucy laughed.

“If I were you, I’d walk away, and it has nothing to do with jealous Natsu. She'll throw up on you,” Freed warned him. Laxus with a snap pulled her away and luckily Natsu came to pick her up, taking her out of the room. “Well, at least I'm happy for her. Although I already imagine how she’ll spend her money,” Freed commented.

“If she bet on me, you won't have to worry about anything.”

“You won once, now don't freak out,” Freed objected. By now the nervousness had passed, after all Laxus was right, once it had to happen. And better from his boyfriend than from Natsu, who would then talk about it endlessly. Laxus didn't answer him, just stared at him with an excited smile and leaned over him to kiss him. Before he could reach his lips, however, Bickslow cut them off.

“Sorry beautiful lovers, but there’s a party going on. If you want to snog, there’s a warehouse for that. Evergreen and Elfman can assure you it's comfortable and we can't hear anything from here,” he joked. Evergreen gave him an incinerating look, while Laxus rested his head annoyed on his hand, for having been interrupted.

“Bix, why don't you go serve the customers? I thought there were so many people,” Freed commented, equally annoyed by the interruption.

“Because with the new bartender you’ve hired, I’ve more free time,” Bickslow replied with a grin. “Especially if I can tease you a little,” he added.

“Then go make us two beers, and make us some sandwiches too. The ones that take longer. And expect to have a lot of unpaid shifts next month,” he added. Bickslow rolled his eyes but walked back behind the counter while Laxus chuckled.

“That's why I don't want to have you as a boss. You know how to become an asshole”.

“I can get a lot worse than that,” Freed smiled and his expression softened again. He asked if he wanted to leave the bar for a moment, either to get away from the party or to get some air. The blond immediately accepted, and as soon as the two were outside, they leaned their backs against the wall, staying close so that their arms touched. Laxus glanced at the track, the sun was setting leaving a trail of warm colors on the sky. If they weren't there outside the bar, from which they heard even the noises of the party, it could’ve been a romantic moment just between them.

“You know, nothing against the prize you requested, but I was thinking of doing a road trip on a motorcycle for two weeks if you like,” Freed said at one point. Laxus's face lit up. They had talked about it a couple of times, but due to the commitments of both they hadn’t had the opportunity to do so. Laxus, however, could ask for leave, and Freed was finally calmer with his business.

“Only if we sleep with the curtains,” he replied. Freed made a brief face but nodded immediately afterwards. “I didn't think you’d have accepted right away,” Laxus joked, but there was some truth in that statement. As much as Freed enjoyed driving in the mountains, he wanted to sleep on a comfortable bed, not on a mat in the middle of the woods.

“I'm not a spoiled rich man,” Freed objected.

“No, but you're not even an adventurer. So, where are we going?” Laxus asked.

“Take me wherever you want, great adventurer,” Freed mocked. “But make sure you pick places where Google Maps takes, I don't want to get lost far from home.”

“Funny,” Laxus commented ironically, turning to him. Freed was smiling lovingly at him, and looking at him completely in love. Laxus folded his lips up and bent over him, kissing him gently, taking advantage of the brief moment of calm.

As soon as they parted, the two turned to the red sky, intertwining their fingers and imagining their journey. Neither of them really cared about the destination to be reached, as long as they could make the journey alongside the other.

Final notes: Even though it was short, I'm glad I wrote and finished a multi-chapter. I enjoyed writing it, I hope you liked it too. Thank you all for reading.

#fraxus #freed x laxus #freed justine #laxus dreyar #fanfiction

8 notes · View notes

itsclydebitches · 4 years

Text

Welcome back, everyone! Starting here in Chapter Six these recaps are doing double duty with my latest attempt at completing National Novel Writing Month. Granted, this isn’t a novel and yes, I technically started this project well before November, but there’s no way I’d manage 50,000 words of fiction in 2020, so I’m hoping to hit that with these recaps instead. You all get semi-frequent updates and I may get to finally say I completed this challenge! That’s a win-win as far as I’m concerned.

Quick reminder: new teams, CFVY was separated, everything is awful. There, done. Seventy-five pages in we’ve come back to Velvet’s point of view as she and the other students are carted off in airbuses. She’s experiencing the “same shock and dismay” that she saw on Yatsuhashi’s face before they were separated, thus I’d like to re-emphasize last chapter’s argument that though shaking up the teams isn’t inherently a bad idea, doing it in this way while your students are recovering from/still involved in a war is… not so great for their mental health. Yeah, yeah, Remnant is a hard place and these kids experience traumatic events on the weekly, but still. There’s a fine line between preparing students for that kind of life and simply traumatizing them further, because this is a kind of trauma when the teams so heavily rely on one another - fill every aspect of one another’s lives: friend, colleague, family, teacher, student, leader, follower, romantic partner - and you’re now uprooting them with no warning. Whether or not new teams actually happen, the students think they are and that’s messing with their heads. Basically they’re just:

This problem is highlighted when we get confirmation of what I stated last time: the teams aren’t merely colleagues turned friends, but family. These fighters have got all their emotional eggs in one basket. Velvet goes so far as to imply that she loves her team more than her parents, with the logic being that they (her parents) “never talked to each other anymore.” So… if Coco and Yatsuhashi stopped talking would that undermine your love for each of them as individuals? I get what the overall takeaway is - divorce is a nasty business and can leave lasting scars on kids caught in the middle, to say nothing of the fact that, as a young adult, Velvet is poised to start creating a family by choice, not blood - but it’s still an odd way to phrase the issue. Here we have another instance of me picking up on implications due to RWBY, the franchise’s, overall themes. When you’ve got a story so thoroughly touting a teens vs. adults mentality, having Velvet mentally reject her parents for her team reads differently than it otherwise would. Chock that onto the pile that already includes things like, ‘Ruby denies that Qrow ever helped her’ and ‘Yang is no longer a part of grieving for Summer’ and ‘Weiss seems to have forgotten all that Klein did for her.’ There’s a lot of uncomfortable details attached to our heroes and how they see the adults in their lives, parents included.

Velvet doesn’t get to worry for long though. A much happier voice sounds across the airbus and she spots Sun, classically hanging from his tail. Instead of hearing more about her fears we segue into - you guessed it - Sun bashing. The first thought to pop into her head is that Sun “wasn’t with the rest of his team, but knowing Sun, that might have been his decision.”

...Velvet, you just tried desperately to stay with your own team and were (somehow) swept away by the apparently overwhelming crowed (still ridiculous imo). But if you didn’t manage this, what makes you think Sun had a chance? Why is his separation suddenly a potential choice when yours was presented as nothing of the sort? That is some real insistence on thinking the worst of him. I dragged Sun for abandoning his team in Volume 4 because that was abandonment. It was a choice worthy of criticism. This? This was outside of his control and Velvet knows it.

Sun saw her, smiled, and waved. Velvet looked away.

Nice, Velvet.

He comes over anyway and (kindly!) asks if she’s okay. Velvet says no, specifically because “Yatsu and I were separated.” Here we have another example of how close the partners get even within each team. Blake and Yang are inseparable. Ruby talks to Weiss more than her sister (and the concept of her talking to Blake in any meaningfully way is hilarious at this point). Now, despite being separated from her entire team - everyone is in the same awful boat - Velvet frames the situation as just being separated from Yatsuhashi. Later she repeats, “Well, I still want to try to find Yatsu.” So would it be a disappointment to find Fox or Coco instead? It’s especially weird because in the main show we see Velvet and Coco interacting the most. I actually had to look up who Velvet’s partner was because I just assumed our two girls were a duo. Apparently not. I’m not really into the CFVY side of the fandom, but I imagine there’s a substantial ship community for these two based solely on how Velvet embraces RWBY partnerships in this book, outside of the always popular Velvet/Coco, of course.

That’s admittedly a ship I can get behind.

After Velvet unloads all her worries “Sun stared ahead, like he couldn’t quite manage to feel bad.” Attention, readers, this is an important lesson coming up! In fandom spaces I often see people analyzing novels (and other print media/visual media with narration) without taking into consideration the perspective. Unless we’ve got an omniscient perspective we need to take into account that our narrator might, simply put, be wrong (and even then, omniscient unreliable narrators are a popular choice). Often I see readers taking a characters’ thoughts - and words - at face value, which is understandable given that we’re meant to emotionally connect with them, but we have to keep in mind that this is their interpretation of events. We see the story through their eyes, how they perceive the world, but their perception of the world may not be accurate or, at the very least, is open to further interpretation. Sometimes this is used in an obvious, plot-driven manner - there’s a surprise twist for the reader, made possible because our protagonist was likewise kept in the dark - but it applies to our reading of more casual interactions too. This is a good example. Just because Velvet says Sun looks “like he couldn’t quite manage to feel bad” doesn’t mean that’s actually how Sun feels. As we’ve just re-established, Velvet is inclined to think the worst of Sun, or at least consider the worst as a distinct possibility. So if we’re asking the question, “Is Velvet’s perspective accurate to reality here?” weighing her previous assumptions against actions like Sun smiling, waving, and asking how she’s doing, AKA caring about her situation… I’d say no, it’s likely not.

At least she doesn’t outright accuse him of anything. Given that he’s not privy to these insulting thoughts, Sun chatters on about the test. He thinks it “isn’t a bad idea” because, as established, a lot of students lost teammates and are having trouble settling into Shade while still trying to live the life they had at Beacon. Changing the teams could be a “chance to really commit to our new school and our training, and learn from one another in a new way.” That’s what I think!

“Right… Or maybe some of us burned bridges with our team and might be looking for an easy way to avoid fixing those relationships.”

Velvet what the actual fuck. Can our cast NOT be assholes for five minutes??

Sun goes red at the accusation and calls her out on being harsh. “Tough love” Velvet calls it. Okay, no. Tough love is reserved for people you’re actually friends with and is meant to have them face a harsh reality they might be avoiding. Sun is avoiding an overt apology with his team, but we (and Velvet) have been given no indication that his thoughts on the test are a smokescreen to hide ulterior motives, which is what she’s talking about here. Sun clearly wants to make up with his team, he’s just struggling to accept what needs to be done to do that. Tough love would have been Velvet encouraging Sun to use this separation to reflect on what his team means to him and then, regardless of whether they end up back together, apologizing for how he unintentionally hurt them. Not… this. Plus, again, Velvet hasn’t exactly been friendly lately. She has little ground for dishing out “tough love.” You need established “love” before the “tough” part.

In addition, she’s not listening to what Sun’s saying. “If they want us prepared for an attack, breaking up teams sounds counterproductive.” When did Sun mention anything about an attack? That’s your assumption of what’s going down based on the illegal investigation you’ve been assisting with. Sun just said that changing the teams would provide some of them with a much needed clean slate, which is true. Just because that’s not what Velvet needs doesn’t mean it’s not useful for others. As she eventually acknowledges, they can get too comfortable in the roles they’ve been playing.

We get her line about wanting to find Yatsuhashi followed by, “Sun, you do whatever you want. That’s what you’re good at.” Velvet seriously? Then minutes later she’s hoping Sun sticks close to her if he can. Real talk: everyone deserves better than this. ‘Friends’ who constantly act like your presence is a burden, insult you whenever they get the chance, insist such insults are for your benefit (it’s just tough love), but then turn around and play nice when you have something they want... those aren’t friends. Note that Velvet is - both privately and overtly - mean to Sun while he’s just existing in the airbus, going through the same horrible test as her, trying to be nice, and holding an otherwise civil conversation. While trapped on the bus with nowhere to go, Sun is a nuisance despite his best efforts. When the floor suddenly opens up and Velvet is terrified of falling and surviving on her own though, then his presence is desirable. That’s not friendship and in another story I’d praise the author(s) for writing a compelling move from shaky acquaintances to a strong bond… but I’m honestly not sure that the relationship (any of them, really) will improve. Far as I can gather, Myers thinks this is friendship.

So Velvet accuses Sun of always and forever hurting others in his pursuit of doing what pleases him (after checking in on Velvet… literally minutes ago…) which is right around when Scarlet decides to make himself known. He agrees with Sun’s belief that this test will be harder than they assume: “I think you’re right… For a change.” Everything comes with a caveat. Apparently Scarlet has been listening in the whole time, but somehow manages to turn that into an insult as well with “I’ve been standing five feet away. Maybe I’m ready for a new team, too.” Wait, is the implication that Scarlet is further annoyed because Sun didn’t notice him? Do you all have ANY idea how many times a friend has stood right next to me and I didn’t notice them because I was caught up in something like work, a show… a conversation? I’m oblivious af. I get that Sun has things to make up for but at the very least these characters could keep their criticisms to what he’s actually done wrong, not crazy reaches like, ‘Sun probably abandoned his team when everyone was separated’ or ‘Sun was busy talking to Velvet and didn’t notice me eavesdropping, so I guess I don’t mean much to him, huh.’ I’m constantly torn between the presumed realism of this writing - people are unfair in their criticisms, teens do hold unsubstantiated grudges - and acknowledging that Myers seems to have felt confident writing (1) personality and just gave it to everyone. Velvet privately becomes as critical as Coco, who is as vocal as Fox, who agrees with Yatsuhashi, who echoes Sun’s team, and Sun himself often throws that attitude right back. Round and round we go.

As one might imagine, the three begin theorizing about what the test itself will be like. Usually Shade sets up initiation just like this. Students are transported in windowless airbuses, dumped in the desert, and told to find their way home. I’m interested in the bit about how teams are made up not only based on arrival, but also “the manner in which [the students] survived.” It definitely lends support to the assumption I’ve always had that the teams can really be random. At least not entirely. There’s strategy on the part of the instructors, thinking through aspects like, ‘Well, these two students used their wits in this manner so they’d pair together nicely.’ Or the reverse, ‘Put together the strategist with the student in love with blunt force, let them balance each other out.’ I certainly don’t think that Ozpin formed teams based solely on who ran into each other first. Not only do we have agency on the part of the students (Weiss leaves Ruby, then Jaune, then goes back to Ruby), as well as the fact that two sets of partners had to be paired together someway, but Ozpin was also carefully watching their whole performance. If the only thing that mattered was getting back to Beacon with a chess piece, why bother examining their choices? Shade appears to employ a similar setup of careful decisions portrayed as randomness, which would make sense given that Ozpin set up these schools. Though all the headmasters may not realize it (is Theodore a part of the inner circle?), or perhaps don’t agree with his methods overall, Ozpin’s influence is undeniably evident in each institution we’ve seen.

The only difference between normal initiation and this test seems to be that the students have to find a gold figurine this time around. Though as our trio points out, there’s likely to be other differences as well, otherwise the original Shade students would have a pretty significant advantage.

During all this Velvet remanences about Beacon’s initiation and we learn that Ozpin does, apparently, use the whole ‘Throw you into the woods where you’ll find some relic’ setup each year, as Velvet remembers being “thrown into the air” during hers. She also hits on another concern that hadn’t crossed my mind until now: what if a team includes a new student alongside the “more vocal in harassing recruits from Beacon and Haven?” It might do the Shade students some good to get to know the newcomers, but it’s not the newcomers’ responsibility to teach them some basic respect and kindness.

During all this Rumpole, via a screen, has been explaining how the test will go down. Her little info session concludes with her telling them to “Prepare for drop-off… See you back home soon.” I really like that she used the term “home” here. It says something about how she views the school and her students’ place in it, despite the tough attitude and tougher culture of Vacuo.

Turns out, when Rumpole said drop-off she meant that literally. The floor opens up and we get a mix of some students panicking while others just happily jump out.

Yeet.

Like I said, Ozpin’s influence.

I didn’t understand the panic initially - aren’t landing strategies a basic part of huntsmen training, something everyone (except Jaune) is expected to know coming into a school? Isn’t it at least partway through the year when everyone, even firsties, has had practice at this? - until I remembered Rumpole’s comment about how she hoped everyone remembered to bring their weapons this morning.

…that’s one hell of a lesson. Let’s break this down for a second. Yes, everyone at Shade is expected to carry their weapons at all times, but the meeting that started all this was early in the morning and, far as I can tell, entirely unexpected. ‘Supposed to’ is not the same thing as ‘will,’ especially when one is dealing with college-equivalent students who are still figuring expectations out. It’s not outside the realm of possibility that someone did leave their weapon behind. So now what? These buses are thousands of feet in the air, dropping students randomly as they jump/fall. If a student did need help how in the world would a professor assist them? Do they just expect other students to help like Pyrrha did for Jaune? It’s possible given that in a moment Octavia will help Velvet despite seeming to dislike her... but that’s not something I’d want to bank on. Whether a student forgot their weapon or has a weapon unsuited to a landing strategy, they’re going to die from this fall. Yeah, yeah, the test is supposed to be deadly, but what’s there to learn then? You’re dead! The lesson ‘Don’t forget your weapon’ or ‘Find a weapon more suited to landing strategies’ will never stick unless there are contingency plans in place to ensure that students survive their first mistakes.

It just all seems kind of flimsy, like everything works out because the plot says it must, not because I believe this in-world setup is geared towards keeping students alive and teaching them how to survive this world. (The reverse of the story conveniently not killing civilians off during a major grimm attack.) If landing strategies are so crucial to a huntsmen’s work - and we see them a lot - why are students allowed to have weapons like Yatsuhashi’s Fulcrum that, far as I can see, provide you with no way of slowing your descent? What if you don’t have a suitable semblance? Or it hasn’t been unlocked yet? What if your weapon would work, theoretically, but you haven’t taken any pictures of other suitable weapons lately (Velvet)? What if you never figure out that there are parachutes on the ship? Unless the instructors have a secret way of saving someone from getting splattered, this seems like a test rife with deadly mistakes, not just encounters. Why not teach your students to carry mini high-tech parachutes on their belts, with weapons and semblances as backups? Incorporate Atlas tech into standard schooling, then give us huntsmen who suddenly have it taken away with the embargo, resulting in a lot of problems. I mean, the students are legit scared in this scene, Velvet included. Having them face deadly grimm is one thing, but why test the odds with a thousand foot plunge when there’s absolutely no reason to? Far as I can see, the schooling isn’t built around ensuring they survive a fall like this - nothing like weapon requirements, or carrying additional gear if you semblance is something like Ren’s - which means making the fall a part of the test itself is... not great.

Which, to be clear, is the fault of the author(s) and how much thought (or not) they’ve put into their fictional school, not the fictional school’s fault because it’s, you know, fictional. Basically, the world building in this series kind of drives me nuts, in case you haven’t noticed lol.

Velvet does find the parachutes, oh so conveniently, and at least has the decency to give one to Sun. Also yeah, kudos for thinking to search for them in the first place. I do like the ‘survival is the only thing that counts’ theme. Cheating, lying, and the like is great when it’s used because the odds are already stacked against you. We get her agreement to try and stick close because remember, there’s nothing like a dangerous situation to remind you to be decent towards someone else. As Velvet magnanimously thinks, “Being with Sun would be better than being alone.”

Okay. Low bar, but okay.

So they fall and we get to hear a fair bit about Vacuo’s history based on what Velvet remembers about each landmark from history class. Honestly, I’m impressed at her recall. I wouldn’t be able to dredge up class notes while falling through the air. We get an abandoned city previously hidden by sand and the somewhat confusing sentence, “These were all that was left of the underground mines, the Drylands, the site of the old Paradise Oasis, long since dried up following Dust mining and the Great War.” Are these three separate places among the rock-less area pockmarked with holes? Or is this a single area of underground mines, called the Drylands (for some reason?), that includes the contrasting place called Paradise Oasis? I’m not sure. The takeaway though is that Velvet hopes Coco isn’t heading to that ambiguously named place because she’s incredibly claustrophobic.

What I find the most informative in all this is the description of the quarries as “physical manifestations of the wounds that still ran deep in the people of Vacuo.” The overall issue of outsiders coming into Vacuo, draining it of its resources, and then taking it back to their own kingdoms (while leaving their trash behind) is the sort of theme significant to our own lives and worthy of examination in fiction… Not saying that RWBY necessarily handles this theme well - especially given the messy conflation of that generational trauma and the awful treatment of any ‘outsider’ who wanders into the kingdom - but I do appreciate when I can see the series trying. Even if it fails, effort is (to an extent) still worth acknowledgement.

What I’m less inclined to praise is the strange follow up of “maybe that was why Rumpole was sending students there.” …what does this mean? Velvet just told us the quarries are the “wounds” of Vacuo, so are they being sent there because they’re dangerous? Because huntsmen will somehow fix this?? Neither of these make sense but I literally don’t know what point Myers is trying to make… which happens a lot. Again, there’s a whole lot of wise-sounding statements in this novel that, at the end of the day, mean very little - if anything at all.

Velvet eventually lands, nearly getting pulled into one of the openings when she can’t get out of her parachute. She’s saved at the last moment by Octavia Ember, a member of Team NDGO. You know, “One of the people she least wanted to run into.” We all knew the moment Velvet worried about running into one of the crueler members of Shade that it would happen.

Their conversation is filled with heartfelt gratitude and riveting greetings:

“Thanks?” Velvet said.

“Whatever.” Octavia sheathed her blade and started walking away. That was more like it.

What is wrong with all of these people? My kingdom for a kind, enthusiastic, non-team exchange!

You know the ‘enemies forced to work together’ conflict couldn’t end there though (a trope I normally love and would likely love here except having Octavia be another stereotypical mean girl was the least innovative choice possible). She and Velvet end up heading towards the same quarry, simply because there’s nothing else for miles around. Velvet displays some quick thinking when she explains that the instructors likely hid the relics in there to ensure they weren’t forever hidden under the sand. Velvet, unlike Yatsuhashi, has also realized that there’s more to the test than just their fighting skills. They’ll be graded on everything, “Including how we treat each other.” I’m always appreciative of characters who use their brains as much as their brawns.

Perhaps that not-so-subtle nudge resonated with Octavia because she opens up a bit. By this I mean she moves from “Whatever” to telling Velvet the traumatizing story of how she lost a third of her clan to Blind Worms in one of these quarries. Okay. That’s a complete 180, but I’ll take it. Velvet continues to have supposed insights about the Vacuans like, ‘Maybe they don’t cry because that’s a waste of water?’ and ‘Maybe they hate everyone on principal because of the past?’ and ‘I guess bullying is just something you’re supposed to survive out here’ (um… no.) In Velvet - and Myers’ - defense she acknowledges that none of these explanations excuse their actions… but I’m not so sure it explains them either. A few chapters ago we were hammering home how teens don’t have an emotional connection to their past, despite it not actually being that long ago (recall Coco’s conversation with Rumpole in class), but now we’re supposed to believe that all of these teens reject newcomers because of stuff that happened during a war they weren’t alive for? Also, I’m neither a doctor nor an anthropologist, but the concept of a desert people refusing to cry because it’s a waste of water - especially in an otherwise advanced civilization - seems suspect. I can buy someone being unable to cry because they’re currently dehydrated, but a whole culture denying themselves this outlet when most of them don’t actually lack water anymore is odd.

Granted, culture isn’t always logical. Case in point: memes. So let’s give that a pass.

However, we’ve still got the issue of continuity across paragraphs. First Velvet is smug because she’s a better climber than Octavia. Then Octavia is ahead and supposedly annoyed that Velvet was slowing her down. It’s unclear when, or if, they’ve finished climbing at this point and a second later Octavia is climbing a tree - why didn’t Velvet do that? Really, I lay little blips like this at the feet of the editors, not the author(s), simply because as an author I know precisely how easy it is to lose track of every detail you’ve introduced. It becomes obvious to the reader when things don’t quite align, but it will often go unnoticed by the writer - like typos. (RIP my own work.) Which is why you need that second perspective to not just catch the big mistakes, but tweak all the smaller ones too. RWBY is now a part of WarnerMedia and Before the Dawn was published by Scholastic. There’s a standard here I don’t think either is meeting.

As said previously though, Octavia climbs a tree because Velvet - with faunus eyes - spotted a trinket the others had missed. Octavia falls, Velvet catches her, and a whole swarm of Ravagers show up, which seem to be a bat-like grimm. Nice. My gothic, vampire, Stellaluna loving ass can get behind that.

Behold: my childhood.

They make a run for it and we - finally - get some solidarity as Octavia admits that the relic is technically Velvet’s and Velvet wonders in turn if they can share it. I offered my kingdom for a kind exchange and I got it! Hurray! More importantly, apparently that is an option because the airbus coordinates have shown up on both their scrolls. I’m not going to pretend that I understand how that tech works, but that’s a level of world building we don’t actually need. Not unless the hypothetical of students piggybacking on another’s relic is a part of the evaluation.

I love that Velvet used her camera flash to scare off the Ravager in their way. That’s a fantastic twist on the ‘Velvet will use her semblance and impress Octavia’ expectation as well as a great way to demonstrate that she is a formidable fighter, capable of paying attention to her situation/surroundings and responding accordingly.

There are more Ravagers though, incoming Blind Worms, an avalanche… and the airbus. A narrow escape indeed. Octavia drops that attention-catching, “Thank the Brothers” as they reach safety.

Going back to my earlier point about Shade seeming happy to kill its kids, apparently Velvet and Octavia were the last to reach the bus and Sun told the pilot to wait. That says good things about Sun, but horrible things about the test. If Sun hadn’t insisted on staying would Octavia and Velvet have had a way out? Why in the world wasn’t the pilot told to wait longer?? The whole timeline is confusing, with Sun and Velvet leaving the airship only a short time after everyone else, but it looks like the whole group was way ahead of them (the quarry is empty of both relics and people by the time they arrive), except Sun managed to get super far ahead of Velvet somehow, and their pilot was apparently working under an unspoken deadline… I’m just taking information at face value because if you try to piece it all together, good luck.

Also sorry, but I straight up laughed at Sun’s “You woke up the Ravagers. And you lived to tell the tale.” That is so unnecessarily dramatic. Oh no. Not the Ravagers. Literally the first thing I thought of was some B horror movie like

Coming only to a streaming service near your couch because we’re still living through a pandemic. Wear your masks, friends!

Back to this very entertaining reaction. Sun, you and Velvet have both taken out Atlesian knights, you fought a gigantic sea monster with Blake, and Velvet just bypassed a nest of Ravagers with a simple bright light. If RWBY is going to randomly try and make the grimm threatening again, do it with stuff that actually reads as a significant threat to these fighters. After you’ve got your first years blasting through (Yang) and riding (Nora) bear grimm at initiation, a couple of bat grimm just doesn’t cut it.

Moving on, Velvet’s iffy perspective rears its head once more as she thinks, “What if Sun had passed by the trinket in the tree, knowing it would be too dangerous to retrieve it? She and Octavia had not had that luxury.”

There’s a lot wrong with this theory:

How do you know Sun has better vision, even as a fellow faunus? As Volume 7’s Tyrian attack brought to the surface, supposedly not every faunus has that advantage.

Velvet straight up says that she wasn’t able to see the Ravagers, otherwise she would have warned Octavia about them. The whole point is that they startled her and she fell. So what, Sun not only has faunus vision but better than Velvet’s? (Do monkeys have better vision than rabbits? I have no idea, but this is the kind of stuff I would google if I wanted to potentially draw attention to it in my book).

If that trinket was too dangerous to retrieve, why did the instructors put it there in the first place? Fox mentioned things being unfair with his lack of sight, but that’s a pretty big difference: easy grabs in a supposedly abandoned quarry vs. a grab that wakes up the whole nest of grimm.

“She and Octavia had not had that luxury” why does this sound like another dig at Sun? Like it’s worth criticizing that he… got there first? Got lucky with the relics closer to the floor? Probably because everything is a dig at Sun in this book, including Velvet’s surprise that he might have “respect in his eyes.” Velvet! He was just asking about you, made the bus wait, and has always worn his heart on his sleeve! Sun’s respect/care is not in question, only how he chooses (at times) to display it.

Not that the story seems to get that. We can’t work through Sun’s questionable choices if we’re stuck in this never ending loop of ‘He’s so annoying/incompetent/willfully cruel’ into ‘Hark! is that a positive trait I see?’ and then back to ‘Never mind he’s awful.’ Maybe Velvet’s pride at his reaction to the Ravagers will finally move things forward.

Which is where we leave off. The airbus scares off the other Ravagers with its guns, the group heads back towards Shade (or a second part of the test? That did feel too much like a normal initiation to be fair), and Velvet ends with the equally dramatic line, “The initiation ritual had been hard and almost deadly, and even worse was yet to come: the assignment of the new teams.”

I have to say though, that is the most teen-accurate thought I’ve seen so far. An 18 year old would be more scared of their team social life than getting eaten by a monster lol.

On that note, drop a comment or an ask if you feel like being social yourself and I’ll see you during the next burst of NaNoWriMo energy! 💜

[ Ko-Fi ]

#rwby #BTD Recaps #Before the Dawn #mymetas

49 notes · View notes

darkchocolatesnickers · 4 years

Text

How to Live - Chapter 2

Pairings: Moceit, familial DRLAP

Warnings: vampires, arguments, I guess victim blaming but Logan’s really not mad at Patton just Janus, Logan is kinda mean but it’s for a good reason, killing suggestion

chapter 1 - chapter 2 - chapter 3?

==========

Patton stared at Logan and blinked several times. He never met this person before but already he seemed to make him mad which didn't feel great.

Janus held up his hands in defense and said, "Logan, I can explain-"

"No, you won't," Logan said. He folded his coat over his arm and said, "I told you Virgil was the last one."

"I didn't turn him!" Janus yelled and stomped his foot.

Logan's sharp glare challenged Janus but Janus wasn't backing down. Virgil pushed himself between the two and held up his hands like he was taming them.

"Look I don't like the idea that there's another one of us either, but can we all sit down and talk about it like civilized people?" Virgil asked.

"I have nothing to say to him," Logan said. He turned on his heel and walked out of the kitchen.

"Did I do something wrong?" Patton asked.

"No, that's just Logan being Logan," Janus said. He sighed and scratched his head. "I'm going to go talk to him."

"Good luck," the twins said at once. Janus sighed because that meant his odds of arguing with Logan without yelling were now super low.

Patton watched Janus walk out of the room and sighed. He said, " I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause so much trouble."

"Don't sweat it," Virgil said. He watched the twins leave together and shuffled nervously as Patton and him we're the only two left in the room. He said, "So I literally don't know what to do right now."

"That's okay, kiddo," Patton said.

"Kiddo?" Virgil said. " I'm pretty sure I'm much older than you are."

"Are you?" Patton said. "You look so young."

"I was born in 1926," Virgil said.

Patton's jaw dropped and Virgil smiled. He walked to the other side of the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water from the tap. He offered it to Patton with a soft smile.

"It won't hurt you," Virgil said. "In fact when I first turned it helped me feel a little normal, uh I mean not that being a vampire isn't normal because there's a lot of us but I mean more human."

"Oh okay. Thanks, uh-"

"Virgil."

"Okay, thanks Virgil."

"Don't sweat it."

Patton drank the water which helped him with his headache. He tapped his finger on the side of the glass. "So..."

"I'm going upstairs to block out Janus and Logan." Virgil said as he put his headphones back on and left the kitchen.

Patton swallowed the water hard down his throat and said, "Oh, okay. I'll, uh, I'll just sit on the couch or something."

If Virgil heard him, he didn't say anything. Patton watched Virgil climb up the stairs and walked into the living room. He sat down on the couch heavily and put his hands over his eyes. Patton kept the scared tears inside his body as he stared down at the floor. Was this all a dream? Would he wake up at the bar and find out that this was all a wild hallucination? Patton sure hoped so.

----------

“I’m telling you Logan I didn’t do it.”

“And I’m telling you, Janus, you should have just killed him and put him out of his misery.”

Janus pinched his thumb and index finger together as he massaged his eyes and took a deep breath. He did his best to hide his annoyance even if Logan let his out for everyone to see. He put his hands together in a praying motion and pointed them at Logan.

“Look, I know you’re upset about Thomas, but I couldn’t just kill him,” Janus said.

Janus mentioning Thomas stiffened Logan’s body. He narrowed his eyes and bared his fangs as he said, “You think this has to do with Thomas?”

Janus realized his mistake and held up his hands. “Wait-”

“This has nothing to do with Thomas.”

“Logan, I said wait!”

“This has everything to do with you playing god and not thinking about the consequences of your actions. It’s not like the old days where we could bring someone back to life without people knowing. There’s phones now that track people’s ever move and CCTV and someone could’ve seen you and recorded it and put it on the internet. You put this family in danger.”

Janus let a long sigh out through his mouth as he said, “I know. Don’t you think I know?”

“Then why do you insist on being reckless? I would expect this behavior from the twins, but you-”

“Damn it Logan!” Janus yelled as he stomped his foot. “I know you see dead bodies every day, but- but- something about him just feels different, okay? He wasn’t just killed by anything. He was killed by a vampire. He was going to turn into one of those mindless monsters.”

Logan quieted. He studied Janus for a few seconds before he said, “Then you should’ve done him a favor and decapitated him.”

Janus let out a frustrated scream and tore at his hair. “You know what I’m done! You can sit up here and be miserable but Patton stays.”

Logan narrowed his eyes. “Very well, but if you want him to stay, you’re feeding him.”

Janus blinked several times. “What?”

“I mean I cannot risk getting caught stealing more blood from work than I already am because they’re already suspicious that donations are disappearing. I’m not putting our family in danger because you decided to keep a turned vampire alive.”

“Logan, that’s not fair!”

“It’s entirely fair. You chose to keep him alive, now do it.”

Janus opened his mouth but knew that arguing would get him nowhere so instead he turned on his heel and stormed out of the room and slammed the door. He could hear the twins talking to each other in their room but they stopped when Janus slammed the door. He stomped down to his room and slammed his own door closed.

Janus picked up a pillow on his bed and screamed into it. He knew Logan was right and he should’ve just killed Patton but something in him didn’t want to. Patton looked so sad and helpless like he didn’t deserve it. Something about his instinct told him to protect him, so that’s what he was going to do.

Meanwhile Logan rubbed the back of his neck. He thought about what he said and flinched. He hoped he wasn’t too harsh on his little brother, but Janus had to stop picking up pets to play with. The twins were bad enough but when he brought in Virgil things got tricky. Now they had this Patton person. The family was getting too big and someone was going to find them out again.

Logan sat down on his bed and let out a long sigh. He picked up the picture on the side of his bed and rubbed his thumb over the glass. Carefully he put it back on his nightstand and laid down on his back to stare at the ceiling.

“You’d know what to do,” Logan said. He closed his eyes and said, “You always knew what to do.”

One more time he tried to reach him but he got the same result as before. Nothing. He wanted to have the same optimism that Janus had that Thomas was still alive, but if that was the case why couldn’t Logan feel him? He didn’t want to think that Thomas died, but he couldn’t lie to himself anymore. Thomas was gone, and he had to grow up and be the adult now.

Logan turned back to the picture and stared at it like it could give him the comfort he wanted. He thought about apologizing to at least Patton, but he would do that later when he was well rested.

Logan rolled back over onto his back and crossed his fingers together on his chest and drifted off to a deep sleep. He hoped by the evening that Janus would at least be in a thinking mood.

==========

And that’s the end of chapter 2! I have three people who asked to be tagged and they are:

@rebelrewriter, @the-ancient-ocean, and @sanderssides-angst

And thank you to everyone who read this far and liked and reblogged!! You guys are the best thank you!!

#sanders sides #janus sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #moceit #familial drlap #how to live au #snickerwritings

59 notes · View notes

saintheartwing · 4 years

Text

The Continued Targeted Harassment Campaign from the Troll Mundo De Bee, aka Debtoons, Aka Dedehbee

I'm sure this particular person I'm thinking of who recently sent me some VERY unkind guest reviews on my "The Pigshit Troll" tale on FF.Net will find out about this. I didn't WANT to talk about them anymore but then they kept sending more and more vitriolic reviews. Not just to me, but to my friends.

See, here’s some of the things they said along with accusing me of trolling their fic, which I didn't, my critique was that their story seemed to be overlooking the fact Zim had done the mass slaughter of innocent humans and enslavement on top of that, and was Dib and Prof. Membrane hostage and can kill them at any time...all to make Gaz love him. So there's an inherently abusive power dynamic. But this person who I...at FIRST...was reluctant to name disregarded these very real issues I brought up and just told me, and I quote, "Go away, then. This story is happening whether you want it or not. :/" This happened months ago. In fact, I brought attention to what they said back in OCTOBER on my DA account. So now you’re getting an idea of what they’re like. In response to a reasonable critique about problematic undertones, they just basically told me to get lost, then blocked me before I could respond to that. I tried to reach out to her friends after she complained about my review, and then she got mad about my "Jeremy" story, seemingly thinking that because I did a story about dark subject matter, I was being a hypocrite for complaining about what Zim did.

Uh...that’s NOT HOW IT WORKS.

The issue was the story wasn't addressing what Zim did as bad, my story made it REAL DAMN CLEAR what Jeremy had done was a tragedy and horrible, and that what he'd been through WAS VERY BAD.

But YOU? YOU didn't do that in your story, it almost came off like you were putting Gaz in Stockholm Syndrome and going a kind of "Twilight" route of sort of glorifying a very problematic relationship. Now, I didn’t SAY specifically that in my review, do I actually think that what’s happening IS Stockholm Syndrome or exactly LIKE Twilight was, but it’s problematic in a SIMILAR VEIN. And THAT was my problem. Not the dark subject matter, but you not caring about the implications...at least, that's how it looked to me. Or at the very least, not, in-story, treating Zim like what he'd done was wrong when it was.

Anyway, that was months ago. I had basically forgotten about them until just I got these three anonymous guest reviews. I'm guessing that because they blocked me, they had to do it that way, they don't want to unblock me to leave a normal review. The reason why I'm pretty sure it's them is because they said, in their review, AND I QUOTE...

"And if my story had ANY grammar/spelling mistakes, that must be because I'm... not from U.S.? And don't speak English fluently? As a matter of fact, if you speak "only" intermediate English in my country (like I do), that's already one hell of an accomplishment. That's already getting xenophobic, ok?" Okay one, me criticizing spelling errors isn't xenophobia, how am I supposed to know you're from another country unless I actually go to your webpage or the like, and I'm not going to see that if I'm just replying to a review. So that's one reason I think it's her.

Another is that she wrote, in her third reply, from "Opinadora (Guest)". Since that's Portuguese, and it happens to be the most spoken language (based on my Google research) in the home country this person says she's from on her homepage, i was damn sure it was her. She saw my Pigshit Troll story, thought it was about her even though the story was really more about addressing the...well, the actual, real life Pigshit Troll going around FF.Net, while also doing a critique both of common tropes in typical Zim story fare and also critiquing the common critique. It was me addressing issues with my own stories just as much, with Gaz forcing Dib to realize his own flaws. It wasn't really about this person who happens to be from Brazil (if her page is to be believed). They also said stuff like "I would say you draw like a 12 years old, but that would be a compliment, 'cause when I was 12, I used to draw at least three times as better than you" and "Also:I forgot, but if we're talking s*** about each other's works: not only you draw like a 8 years old, but the titles to your stories are also so f*** creepy that they make me nauseous even before reading the first chapter".

So "Frost" is creepy? I can get why "The Pod People Invasion" is creepy, but a title like "Don't Read This Book" isn't inherently creepy. "Soft Hands" isn't. You're kinda just cherry picking. I made this journal pot on DA because she had decided to keep this "thing" going on going by leaving those guest reviews and assuming the story of “The Pigshit Troll” was about her, and she was just a total jerk about it. I had left her alone for weeks, MONTHS even until she popped up making those guest reviews again. And then she wrote "P.S.S.: If you give my name out to anyone who has nothing to do with this, and tell them to hunt me down, like you did to my watchers (which, BTW, wouldn't surprise me if you did), that just proves you're indeed a troll, and no better than PigShit here, okay? ".

I was trying to be civil... despite how INCREDIBLY PISSED I am at you. And she also kept calling me a religious fanatic and other crap to her friends. I'm not, a simple look at my journals on DA or my posts here would prove that, so it amazes me that you couldn't be bothered to do research on me yet you expect me to instantly know you're from Brazil. So I find it interesting you expected me to look you up and find out things about you so I wouldn't leave a review you could find objectionable...but you couldn't be bothered to do any research about me. I mean, you seem very liberal, concerned about LGBTQ rights, worried about the deforestation in Brazil, those are big issues. And I sympathize also with having a fascistic leader in charge. You got Bolsanaro, we have Trump. I get how it feels.

That doesn't excuse how you behaved towards me. I'd stopped reviewing your stories, you're the one who brought all this back by reviewing mine. So if you want to talk, unblock me on FF.Net or here, and let's talk this out like adults. If you've got a problem with me, actually outright say it, don't leave it in a guest review.

Now, if she’d said "Look, ZAGR is just what I'm into, it's just a fetish of mine", then fine! FINE. She should have just SAID that to me. But don't just dismiss the moral questions I had by going "Don't like don't read". Because that's a fallacy. A story can start out great, but turn bad. Or start out bad, but turn better. And how am I supposed to know if it'll do either if I don't keep reading? Take, for example, Star Wars's sequel series. Started great! Amazing!...ended poorly. Star Wars prequels! Started bad! But the ending was pretty darn good! So don't just go "don't like, don't read/watch", because that's not a real, actual good argument.

I had hoped, writing all this, she’d actually try and reach out. Or she’d stop.

But she didn’t. Let me quote what she sent to me next. "I was only mad because you plain trolled me on your review. Did you ever heard of "common sense" or "constructive criticism"?"

Which my critique was.

It was a critique of the character behavior of the main characters, not trolling. Bringing up the fact that Zim had taken Gaz's family hostage and could kill them at any time, but we were supposed to overlook that is a perfectly reasonable critique.

But instead of responding normally, you just leave another guest review. I was willing to talk to you normally and to work things out fairly, but you keep being a jerk. Everything you've said hasn't been an actual, reasonable, fair criticism of any of my stories. It's just been 'ad hominem'.

What IS ad hominem? That’s when you don't address the SUBSTANCE of someone's argument, you just attack the person arguing. Like if someone says "I think your story is glorifying abusive, unhealthy relationships" and you go "Yeah but you're into the inflation fetish so there"! That doesn't actually address the problem brought up about your story, it's just you attacking the other person. And she was doing that.

For weeks I was nice enough to not bring up your name, but I said “if you keep it up, I’ll reveal your screen name because you're the one being unreasonable now by keeping this going, when I was willing to let sleeping dogs lie.”

Her response?

“Opinadora:I find it funny how you know you can't strike me back, because you know that I'm ten times more talented than you and that you're just jealous of me... u.u I'm not one to talk down on other artist's work, but that's what you get for being a snob. You're no better than me and you know it. In fact, you're no better than ANYONE, and I say that because you really are worthless. Yet you like to act superior and talk down on everyone to have some fun or... IDK. People like you shouldn't even be called "people". You're just psychos.”

She was engaging in the very behavior she said I was doing. I don’t get how she functions like this. This was getting insane.

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

She posted a of blog entry and I'll quote what they said. "I've been contacting a troll of mine" Anonymously, you did it via guest reviews on my story, you started all this again after I left you alone for months with three meanspirited reviews insulting me and my work when I'd been leaving you alone. And yeah, I responded by making the "fight" public, you refused to speak to me normally. I was willing to speak with you normally through notes or PMs on FF.Net or DA, you were the one who ignored that and kept insulting me in guest reviews because you still have me blocked. "He's not being civil enough to keep anyone anonymous." I haven't used either your real name (which I don't know) or your screen name. So this is just a lie. "He's going after my watchers to complain about me" I contacted ONE of your watchers who I knew that also made a story in which an entire chapter was deliberately invoked to insult me because an obvious villain character with my SCREEN NAME was used as an easy enemy for Zim to blow up. I contacted them to say "Can you please tell your friend to stop". Here's the full text, basically. "I’m sorry I keep sending these messages to you, the only reason I decided to note you to begin with was because your friend (NAME REDACTED) sent me three anonymous guest reviews, and called me a bunch of names like “douchebag” while insulting my art at the same time. I was willing to ignore her until she sent not one but THREE meanspirited shots at me. And I can’t reach her, so..." So it wasn't "your watchers" plural, it was ONE watcher whom I knew you knew because I couldn't find any other way to contact you, because, again, you childishly blocked me and refused my olive branch. "He should have enough common sense to know that his issue is with ME and none other." But you refuse to let me talk to you openly. On top of that, you're the one who blocked me, not the other way around. "He's such a lunatic he said he would give out my REAL NAME, if he knew. O.Ò" I never actually said that, I was clearly referring to your screen name. "I was nice enough to not bring up your name, but if you keep it up, I WILL use your screen name, because you're the one being unreasonable now by keeping this going, when I was willing to let sleeping dogs lie. " So now you're just lying. Plain and simple. I would say you should be ashamed of yourself, but it appears you don't understand shame. I know some people say "don't feed the trolls" but that doesn't always work. Sometimes shining a light on them is the only thing that does. And I swore to publish every word they've said to me if they kept doing meanspirited guest reviews done solely to insult me.

What was their response to THIS? Well, they called me a retard.

"Seu retardado:It isn't Stockholm syndrome...? And I KNOW that nobody will believe you 'cause you're just using ANONYMOUS reviews against me. Now, you've been quoting me on your tweets nonstop even after I blocked you. Just so you know, I ALSO reported you for abuse multiple times." "But go ahead. Do you really believe that they'll take your side of the story? I only gave out your name to warn my watchers about you ONCE, but you just keep quoting me when I blocked you, so we'll see what happens THEN." "VSF:Wow... You must REALLY be retarded. And here I was just saying that to insult you. O.Ò But I'm not apologizing for that when you didn't apologize for flaming my story, attacking my watchers, nor even trying to act superior, when... You're not. O.Ò And still you want to believe that you're a better artist than me. I should be laughing about that. 9.9 Seriously, what did you take? "

I’D HAD ENOUGH. Because they didn’t JUST call me all these names. They started going after fellow artists on FF.NET and friends of mine and leaving insulting guest reviews too. So...

What’s their name? I dunno their real name. But their screen name is Mundo De Bee. AKA Debtoonz AKA Dedehbee.

This is their page.

https://www.deviantart.com/mundo-de-bee

This is their Twitter. Both normal AND NSFW

https://twitter.com/Bee_Zorra

https://twitter.com/Bee_Zorra_Total

Their current FF.Net account (or at least I BELIEVE it is) https://www.fanfiction.net/u/8252861/Debtoons

And their instagram. https://www.instagram.com/bee.zorra/

They keep leaving really nasty reviews on my work. You can find some of their “samples” here. https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13241492/0/1/

Here's what they've also said.

And this:

They also said this on a friend's story in an anonymous review.

""Debtoons chapter 1 . 3h ago

You think Shaeril McBozo did all this? You're mistaken troglodytes. Shaeril McBrown is a stand by, she works for me, doesn't have a choice in the matter. Pigshit is an urban legend, he works for me. You're all such fools, you have yet to realize there is more to come, much more, and I will bring you all down. I have not forgotten what you all have done. I'm always watching, you're all my pawns, the game is mine, and I play to win. La Cefiera Queen Bee AKA Debtoons Also, stop copying my ZAGR ships, yours suck was."

I've tried to ignore her. But this has now been going on for MONTHS. I am done trying to be NICE, and trying to hold back. So I’m exposing her for what she is. She’s a bully. A hypocrite. A troll. She NEVER ACTUALLY RESPONDED to any of my actual problems about her story, instead just DEFLECTING and misrepresenting my points, then attacking the misrepresentations.

I wasn’t even sure, at first, it was her Even after getting another anonymous review from someone who said "I already know your name. Shaeril and little Debbie told me. Hi I'm Striberz. Actually, I'm anyone I want to be, but let's go with Striberz for now. Good to meet you b***!"

Little Debbie. Debtoonz.

She also sent THIS anonymous review to me.

The way the review is written, the style, the little details, bringing up "Oompa Loompa" and the like and other little things that I never brought up publicly...this is why I believe Mundo De Bee, aka Debtoonz, is leaving me targeted harassment reviews.

But even THEN. After ALL THIS. My online friends suggested hold on, slow down. One of them said "I'll ask her about this". To try and get her side of the story. MAYBE it wasn't her. MAYBE it was just someone posing as her and trying to emulate how she talked. Months later, Mundo had written another story called 'Something called love', another ZAGR and DATR story. In the story, Zim was 20 years old, but Gaz was only 16. A friend of mine reviewed the story, making mention of the age gap and said 'Wait, that's illegal'.

It was mostly a joke review but in all of five minutes, Mundo furiously spouted off not one, not two, but THREE pissed off PMs, calling my friend “Some Dude Who Likes To Write” on FF.Net retarded and the review retarded. Pretty horrible. Nevertheless, Some Dude wanted to be diplomatic, even after Mundo left a super nasty review of my story. Theyw went to her Deviantart and asked if she left that revieand she said 'No', but the second they brought up the 'Oompa Lumpa' insult, a comment that Mundo had used directly to me in a note, well...she hid the comment and then ignored the other ones that were left and blocked Some Dude, pretty much indicting herself.

Then, several weeks later, guess who leaves a review in which she accuses Some Dude of being a xenophobe, transphobe, misogynist and homophobe? Well, Some Dude knows someone who knows Mundo. They ask to talk. She PM’s them, she asks "What do you want to accuse me of now”. Some Dude says he’s not accusing her of anything, they just don’t like being called a bigot. Her response was to just deny leaving that review...and then to block them AGAIN. Then we see a series of dozens of insult reviews, false accusations against myself, Zim’sMostLoyalServant and Some Dude along with others, all being attacked by her. She also evidently admitted to Some Dude that if she came across any review Nick and I left, even if it was positive, she would report it and tell the admins we sent the authors death threats. Which would be a LIE.

And so...that’s what happened. Now you all know the truth. This woman from, I assume, Brazil, has been harassing me for quite a while. Me AND my friends.

All this...because I wrote a bad review of her story asking why the story was glossing over Zim's cruel behavior and how much the story seemed to be like "Twilight" in a problematic way. I could have overlooked Zim falling in love with Gaz easily. My issue was why the story was overlooking his blatantly evil mass murder/blackmailing stuff and not acting like these were bad things at all.

Her literal response was, and I again, I quote from her directly, "Go away, then. This story is happening whether you want it or not. :/" So no actual response as to why the story wasn't addressing the elephant in the room. Just that...and then blocking me when I tried to reply.

I call that "cowardly".

She's always responded like that. She never unblocked me, she just sent nasty guest reviews to me instead of reaching out to me directly on DA, or Twitter, or a variety of other methods. It can never be her directly putting her name on anything because she didn't have the courage to do that.

She's a coward, she's a bully, she's a troll, and she's a hypocrite, doing all the things she's accused me of. What projection. How disgusting.

When I have an issue with a story, you know what my issue usually is? A moral one. And I'll say things like "This looks like domestic abuse, why are you acting like it's a you-go-girl moment for Gaz" or "Why is the fact Zim caused millions of deaths just casually overlooked".

It's not "YOU SUCK!" or lots of swears or insults or all caps. Cuz that sort of thing IS a flame. That IS a troll.

Saying things like "Why is the story acting like this character is a badass when their behavior's morally repulsive" isn't a flame. Or being a troll.

Anyway, now you all know. Mundo de Bee, Debtoonz, La Cefiera Queen Bee, Dedehbee , whatever you wanna be called, this is what she’s like.

SHAME. ON. YOU.

#Debtoonz #debtoons #Mundo de Bee #La Cefiera Queen Bee #fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction net #fanfiction.net #troll #trolling #Dedehbee #call out #call out post #Invader Zim #ZADR

14 notes · View notes

thejustmaiden · 4 years

Text

The Sesshomaru F*cks Debacle

Hey, fellow Inuyasha fans! How we feeling?? I imagine a lot of us are doing quite fabulously after the recent news we got about the sequel coming out this Fall, "Hanyou No Yashahime." So if it wasn't obvious already, I want to take the time to discuss the topic of- you guessed it- Sesshomaru. Go figure!

***THIS IS A REPOST OF MY ORIGINAL BLOG THAT DISAPPEARED FROM THE TAGS. PICS/GIFS HAVE BEEN REMOVED TO HOPEFULLY REPAIR THAT.***

Let's be real, as much as probably (and literally lol) all of us have viewed him as "daddy material" at some point or another during our teens, Sesshomaru being physically intimate with another being, much less a human, is difficult to conjure up in our minds. And there's nothing wrong with that, per se, as sex and romance doesn't come so easily to some as it does to others. Then again, that's not to say a romantic relationship is completely impossible or unattainable for him either.

I, for one, am not a huge fan of the idea of Sesshomaru siring children of his own. Granted, adopting/protecting children and other small companions is kinda his thing (I saw one user even describe him as a 'walking daycare' 🤣), and maybe it'll just take some getting used to, but all in all it's not entirely unfathomable to picture him having biological children. Though I'd be lying if I said I still didn't prefer he just took these two twin half-demon girls in and under his wing instead, like he did Rin. However, seeing as that's unlikely the case since the two girls resemble him in some fashion, the chances of that coming true are slim, which must mean that Sesshomaru did in fact bone some lucky lady. That's not to say I don't acknowledge that there's still a chance these kids aren't truly his but we'll see!

Which leads me to the real reason behind this blog! I'd like to address in-depth why I and so many other Inuyasha fans consider shipping S*ssrin as wrong and why it makes a lot of us extremely uncomfortable.

BUT FIRST BEFORE I FORGET, I want to give a little unofficial disclaimer by stating that this blog isn't intended to upset certain fans regarding my stance on the controversial ship. Thus I will not tag it under that ship name, and I suggest others who agree with me to do the same in any of their future posts.

Because let's not forget that the most important thing is that we're all fans here. We fell in love with this story and hold its beloved characters close to our hearts for a reason. And that still counts even if you're returning to this fandom a decade later. So please, let's try and remember that and be civil towards one another. Putting people down by attacking and insulting others in real life really doesn't make us any better than them. I REPEAT, please do not engage in this post unless you plan to be kind and respectful of others who may have a differing opinion than you. There's never a need to be ugly towards another human being. That goes for all shippers and fans of Sesshomaru in general. Thank you in advance for your understanding and compliance. 😊

Again, none of these comments are aimed at being inflammatory towards those fans who have a different approach to this pairing. If any of you are reading this now, please keep that in mind before deciding to participate in any discourse with me and other antis.

Okay, let me go ahead and list a few of the main arguments fans of this particular ship use to support them together. Then I'll give my reasons why those aren't enough to justify their relationship turning romantic:

1. Rin will be an adult before they get romantically involved

2. Sesshomaru didn't raise her and therefore isn't her father; he was never like a father to her in the first place

3. Sesshomaru hasn't been grooming her, not then and not now. Besides, it was Rin's choice first.

4. Age difference shouldn't matter when you look at other relationships in the series (InuKag, Koga x Ayame, etc.)

5. It was always going to be canon because the drama CDs exist

These are the main points I'm seeing around. Now let's dissect them, shall we? These are my direct responses- I'll try to keep them short and concise. Fyi: Jk! I'm lying, that never happens. 😆

1. Rin may be an adult, but from our standpoint that doesn't make much of a difference. It doesn't matter because it's all about how her relationship with Sesshomaru started off and how it continued onwards. From that moment, it was basically established from the get-go that their relationship resembles that of one a young girl shares with an older man who winds up becoming her guardian. She initiated it by trying to bring him food while he was injured, and he reciprocated by deciding to bring her back to life that fateful day.

Of course we're all happy that he did, because he's a better demon for it and a similar thing could be said about her! Therefore you must understand that fans against this pairing find it very hard to grasp the notion of a budding romance here when we look at their history. For us, it's synonymous to imagining a father eventually falling in love with his daughter or someone else who reminds him of a daughter, and vice versa. But let's just say he's not a father to her like many of you claim and more like, say a modern-day babysitter. Isn't it still bizarre to you that a young girl could fall in love with the man who looked after her and cared for her at that age, maybe even played games with? One day or on multiple occasions he even sees her naked because she had an accident and got hurt so she needed help changing or something. I admit it's more realistic that it was Jaken if anyone who'd be in charge of this, but why does it really matter who was tasked with what? Sesshomaru may have not been around all the time but that doesn't mean he's any less involved or invested in Rin's general care and well-being. So it's that thought alone that keeps many of us from even contemplating a romance forming between them. Whether he hardly interacted with her over the years or not is irrelevant, because it's clear to me that they have both formed a strong enough bond that constitutes calling them family. I highly doubt he ever even planned to keep Rin in his company as long as he did. But it happened, and whether you want to admit it or not, meeting her changed his life. Meaning Rin was never just some girl he traveled with or hardly knew. Despite his feigned indifference and stoic ways at times, I'm pretty sure we can all agree that Rin grew on him and was the first person to really influence him in a way that helped soften and open up that heart of his in a way nobody ever had before. One's significance to any given person isn't solely measured by the quantity of time spent alongside that person but by the quality of how that time was spent with said person. It's safe to say that in the case of Sesshomaru and Rin, they definitely fall under that category.

2. Fair if you don't view Sesshomaru as Rin's father, but you must acknowledge that he did fill some father figure-like role to her at the very least. Or let's just call him her vassal if you think that's a more accurate description. Also, can I just quickly stress again that it doesn't matter how long she spent by his side or whether she spent more time in the village or not, because he still ended up playing a major part in her childhood as an adult male role model. Regardless of the title you give him, it still stands that although he may not be her official adoptive father, he is LIKE A FATHER. There really is no point in denying that, because their dynamic exudes one of a father-daughter. I guarantee you that any outsider looking in would agree that if not her father then at the very least he embodies a male relative of some kind. Honestly, the details of their relationship dynamic specific to this show (regional/period differences, human vs. demon culture, etc.), don't really matter here. Why? Because one can assume that the general consensus here is that a large percentage of fans perceive their connection as a familial one. Yes, most would unanimously agree that Rin and Sesshomaru, along with Jaken and Ah-Un, are a FAMILY.

If she had first met him as an adult, then we'd possibly have a very different story here. The point of the matter is that he didn't, so that should be where this discussion ends. Unfortunately, for many, it's not. The bottom line is that a child he knew and cared for should never be someone he begins to view in a romantic light. I don't care how many years have passed (or that to demons years are like days or some less inconsequential length of time), and how much she's matured or how specific marriage customs were back then (if they're no longer appropriate now then why are we still condoning these backward practices?). Rin should NEVER have the desire to be sexually attracted to this father figure she's always looked to and trusted to protect her. Maybe it's vastly different from a demon's perspective (even though still unjustifiable in my opinion), but as a human, Rin's feelings towards Sesshomaru wouldn't and shouldn't suddenly change towards him and in such a drastic manner mind you. Yeah, maybe she used to have an innocent crush on him, but I'd like to think our smart and compassionate little Rin would learn that was simply because she was a child who didn't know any better. Besides, growing up with Kaede and around other humans I'd like to think she fell in love with another human sometime over the course of all those years. It only makes sense, right? Don't you think that's part of why Sesshomaru left her there in the first place? He wished for her to experience what it was like to live a normal human life, falling in love and marriage both being a key part of that. If I were Sesshomaru, I'd be deeply troubled if I started to develop feelings for a little girl I once protected and kept in my company for quite an extended period of time, which was at least a year from what I understand. (Pls correct me if I'm wrong because I gather it may have been longer.)

3. Apparently in the manga and the Final Act, we see Sesshomaru still visits the village to check on Rin from time to time. He even brings her gifts, such as beautiful and luxurious kimonos. I recently learned from another Tumblr post that kimonos are what older men gift in order to sort of earn their favor with these young ladies, AKA they're wooing them. If that is indeed true, then that would mean he's basically grooming her and has been for however long she's lived there in the village but potentially even longer. To put it nicely, he's courting her. If this was another young lady (maybe not an adult perhaps but still of marrying age) who he DIDN'T assist in raising, then I could possibly get on board with this.

The thing is, it's far from that with them two if you consider everything they've gone through and endured together! Because he not only met her as a young girl but he got to know her first as a young girl, and she became one of his traveling companions all while she was only a young girl!!! Their bond will always be defined by that time when she was just a young girl, and nothing can or should change that he will always see her in that same light. Kinda like how our parents or other family members from older generations tell us that they'll always see us as their babies. So the fact that her time spent with Sesshomaru is constantly compared to her time spent in the village shouldn't apply here. Don't we all know this already? That we can can come across someone in our lifetime and maybe the time with them is short-lived, but that doesn't make it any less significant or those people any less special. Sesshomaru made an impact on her as much as she did on him, that much we know is true. Sure, it was years ago, but that's not something you ever forget. Sometimes when you look at loved ones you haven't seen in a while, there are just certain memories you have of them from over the years that will come rushing back to you without fail and that you will always cherish no matter what. I'd like to believe that when Rin looks at Sesshomaru and he looks at her, that they can both look back fondly on their times traveling together. This explains why I'm really struggling here to picture how anyone could sleep with someone they used to treat as their guardian/father/ward/daughter/what have you. So someday and somehow, this person just stops viewing them that way, is that it? I mean, how does this work exactly? It's not like you can just flip off a switch and forget everything from your past with this person, ya know? Unless you have your memory wiped, what I'm understanding is that S*ssrin shippers approve of the idea of these two characters KNOWING that they are or used to be like practically FAMILY to each other, yet agree that these two characters in question still have the capacity not to mention desire to pursue HAVING SEX with each other anyway. Do I got that all right? Did I miss anything?

Originally I provided two examples of fan art I found to help put what I'm trying to say here into better perspective, but since they've been removed, just type in "Sesshomaru and Rin" on Google and you'll find plenty of examples of what I'm talking about here- and no, it's not S*ssrin images. I realize Sesshomaru has never been the touchy-feely sorta guy like it's depicted in some of the fan art, but that doesn't necessarily diminish the affection he feels and attachment he has towards Rin. He just has a different way of expressing his love is all, even if he doesn't outwardly show it. The real question here is, can you really look at sweet pictures of an adult comforting a child who's been under his care for a significant amount of time and then suddenly be like, "oh man, I can't wait till they bang!" I'm sorry, to each their own, but you gotta admit why we must find that creepy.

4. Regarding Inuyasha and Kagome's relationship, we need to remember that he didn't age after all those years stuck to that tree. And besides, demons age differently so this is a pretty unfair comparison. This isn't the best example, but think about how a cat's lifespan works. 10 years in (indoor) cat years is like 56 in human years. So technically in demon years, Inuyasha is physically and emotionally compatible with a human around Kagome's age. Hell, even though he's over a hundred years older, Kagome is still a whole lot more mature than he probably ever will be! 😂 (Psst! We still love you, Inuyasha! 💋)

Now as for Koga and Ayame, this also isn't comparable to Sesshomaru and Rin. Koga met Ayame one night, only not to see her ever again until she was older and of age. After rescuing her on that night when she was only a girl, he gives her a piggyback ride and you can tell he just wants to cheer her up when he mentions her being his wife someday. (And boy, did that work wonders on Ayame!) Then they gaze at this stunning lunar rainbow together, which I think is quite rare judging by looks of it. This is not an attempt to defend this proposal- if we can even really call it that- but all I'm saying is that I don't think even Koga knows what overcame him in that moment. Fast forward to present-day when they cross paths again, and Ayame still remembers his so-called promise, but guess who doesn't right away? Yep, our man Koga! It takes a quite a while for it to come back to him, too. This further proves my point that something beyond Koga and his power possessed him to say all those things to a little Ayame for some reason. Maybe you can call it destiny, or maybe it was some special kind of magic caused by the lunar rainbow, Idk! All I know is that they do end up together in the Final Act and that it wasn't until they met as two consenting wolf-demons that they really grew to know each other and coincidentally- or maybe not so coincidentally- fall in love.

5. From what I understand, it appears these drama CDs are some kind of satire which doesn't equate to canon. Perhaps Rumiko did not debunk them but she also didn't confirm they're true either. I'm hearing conflicting reports, however, and her involvement in them is questionable. Like her name is supposedly on the cover or something? But then I've also heard that she has spoken out against this ship. From the sounds of it, there is enough evidence- or lack thereof rather- to conclude that fans cannot use this as proof enough for their ship already being or soon-to-be canon.

Finally, I'd like to end on this note where I'll be addressing ethics in entertainment. When it comes to our choice of entertainment, there's always a level of escapism implied, sometimes so much that we project ourselves onto certain characters. Delving into a fantasy world like that of Inuyasha can really help some people better cope with real life problems, but it's all about striking the right balance, as each individual has different wants and needs. The thing is there's only so much escapism one can allow in a fictional world before basic morals from our own world begin to take precedence. I can always enjoy some good fantasy, but it's not long until I start to reflect on how I personally relate what entertainment I'm currently absorbed in to real life. It's inevitable really. For example, if certain relationships portrayed on screen conflict with strong opinions I've adopted on a sensitive topic, especially those that take children into account, then I feel it's my responsibility to speak out against any media that even remotely promotes it. Yes, even if it's just fiction. Because art imitates life, right? (And yes, sometimes the other way around.) So in other words, our stories should mirror our way of life to some degree. History has seen its fair share of ugly events and traditions we are surely ashamed of but that we've hopefully learned our lessons from. Most societies nowadays seriously frown upon or condemn stuff like pedophilia, child grooming, or anything of the sort. Of course it doesn't help that we see still see these kinds of issues glossed over so much that we've become desensitized to them in many respects.

The thing is we cannot allow this way too common older-man-dotes-on-young-girl trope (or anything resembling it) to continue to be glorified or romanticized. It matters not that feudal Japan was a drastically different time to be alive and that this was the norm back then, or even that this remains a popular ship in Japan. All it comes down to is if whether we would currently tolerate such acts and behaviors were we to witness them in real life. If your answer is 'no', then it should be 'no' in every respect. If you deem it acceptable just because it's fiction, then I'm sorry to say, but you're going to have to answer to a lot of people. No surprise there, that goes for all fandoms. I guarantee you it's not just the people who personally identify as victims who have serious qualms with this ship either, because you don't necessarily need to have bad experiences of your own in order sympathize and see where a lot of these people are coming from. And no, just because I'm unhappy with the possibility of S*ssrin going canon does not mean I'm whining or that I'm attempting to spread negativity about this series before it's even out. Remember, fans have the right to be critical of whatever content it is they're watching/reading, and if they demand something in the storytelling be represented better, then of course they can challenge that. After all, none of us should feel like "canceling" the content we love is our only hope to fixing a story. That's not how it ever should be. Fans are fed up, and can you really blame them? Nah, we can strive to do better in this area, plus it's not like there isn't always room for improvement. So let's please be more vigilant about how the content we consume translates to reality, in addition to being mindful of how it can directly correlate to real life problems for ourselves as well as others around us.

That's a wrap, y'all!! I hope you enjoyed what I had to offer on this topic, and here's hoping I actually contributed something new to this conversation! I'm aware that that's unlikely the case for us fans who've been living in this tag the past couple days (like me lol), but I'd like to believe I put my own spin on it and it was still worth your while. 😉

P.S. Overall, I remain optimistic about the new show! So are there any friendly Inuyasha group chats on Tumblr I can join? If so, please do invite me! I need to obsess about this sequel even more than I already am, EEEK!!!

#inuyasha #hanyo no yashahime #sesshomaru #anti sessrin

99 notes · View notes

thosetwistedtales · 4 years

Text

What’s with Higgs’ smelling & licking people?

I told some of you that I had thoughts and that I’d be sharing them sometime soon, and so--- now I am. 😈 And I think I’m gonna try to break this down into three parts cause Higgs... is a rather complicated man.

Conscious | External

Starting with the obvious here in the reason why Higgs busts past these very obvious personal boundaries is because he’s an asshole with ISSUES. Listen---, Higgs spent his childhood getting the shit beat out of him by his uncle. He had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, no real means of defending himself when he was a child in comparison to his adult-sized ‘guardian’. He had no control over what happened to him. His life was literally in the palms of his uncle’s abusive hands... And he damn near ended it. Would’ve in all likelihood if Higgs hadn’t defended himself and eliminated the threat of him altogether.

Point being in the aftermath from what we know of canon Higgs started off as a freelance independent porter, who eventually built up his own porter company, and later became partners with Fragile as Co-Ceo’s of their companies. Since teenhood, Higgs has never let himself be put in a position where someone else was in charge of him. And within the narrative of canon events its made CLEAR Higgs has a thing for flexing just how powerful he is, how little control those who come across him truly have. “♪ I’ve got the whole world in the palm of my hand.~♪” & “The name’s Higgs. The particle of god that permeates all existence.”

Subtle right? 😂. The way he invades the personal space of others like those boundaries mean less than nothing to him, like social norms like polite space are unspoken rules that happen to other people but not him, how he literally licks people just because he knows he can, wants to prove it. Licks them because he knows just how damn unsettling it is. Licks people like---. “ I l i c k e d i t s o i t ’ s M I N E. ” a.) he does it cause he can b.) he does it cause he’s an absolute dickweed c.) he does it cause he’s a fucking wacko weirdo who likes messing with people

Subconscious | Internal

“...We have five senses, but only two that go beyond the boundary of ourselves. When you look at someone, it’s just bouncing light, or when you hear them, it’s just sound waves, vibrating air, the way touch is just tingling nerve endings. Know what smell is? It’s made up of the molecules of what you’re smelling.”

...Ya’ll catch on to how Higgs is lowkey really into ancient civilizations and how the people of old as dirt times interacted with each other and the world around them? There’s his whole fascination with ancient Egyptians, we also get bits from his monologuing to Sam during that good old fashioned boss fight on the beach. He talks about the first tools of mankind but doesn’t get into the physical ones that we’re all born with. OUR SENSES. The ones he tends to use himself a lot specifically... Scent & Taste.

As human beings, we use what we have to survive. We rely on our senses to navigate how to interact with the world. Because both scent & taste have to do with the stimuli involved in taking into the body these senses are often referred to as gatekeepers. As senses go both of these are extremely hard to lie to or manipulate. You can’t exactly control the concentration of airborne molecules or how your tastebuds experience oral stimuli. They are arguably our first line of defense, our natural armor. We use them as our personal alarm system (smoke, disease, other potential threats), component of flavor (quality of food before we eat/ingest it), physical communication (pheromones). I mean they’re the basics of survival. What smells/tastes BAD = not good/dangerous? What smells/tastes GOOD = good/safe!

As someone who had to use everything he had growing up to ensure his own survival, as a man who chose a profession that relied on his senses and instincts it makes every bit of sense to me that on a subconscious level at least..., Higgs would choose to continue to use them in how he interacts with the world around him, especially for those he has a keen interest in, or feels a connection to... He is a rather tactile individual after all.

Deep Dive | Intimate

Lastly, both pieces tie into this... Want & Instinct. Fragile was arguably one of the few people Higgs’ has ever connected with on a level beyond mere survival. Beyond what he NEEDED, and stepped into want. Into living. Partnering with her was a smart business move and while it may have been her DOOMS abilities that attracted him in the first place I think from an observer’s stand point just how he chooses to interact with her both in the flashback and their reunion....

We may never know the complexities of their relationship but Fragile clearly meant a great deal to him. Even if he hated her at one point, was jealous of her (her abilities, the childhood she had, the relationship with her loving PROUD father), you don’t look at someone the way Higgs’ looked at Fragile during the final moments we see them together on the beach, you don’t lean into their touch, and you certainly don’t leave them a personal note in your bunker asking them to forget you, to give up the bitterness and desire for revenge that’s clearly destroying them. The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. Something Higgs CLEARLY doesn’t have when it comes to his ex partner... For better or for worse Higgs cares about Fragile.

A similar argument can be made for how he may feel about Sam given the context of his actions within canon. Sure most of the non-lethal interactions we see between them can still be chalked up to Higgs being an asshole and having made a hobby out of fucking with everyone’s favorite porter just for funsies. But------ I doubt that’s all there was to it.

As I’ve said, Higgs’ is a complicated individual. A grown-ass man with grown-ass feelings and given his journals and what context clues we’re given in scenes it's my opinion that Higgs was fond of both Fragile & Sam. And with what limited experience he had making friends--- it’s not out there to think the oddity and the abrasive way he handles social interaction with them both is a might bit awkward. A tad CRINGE. Not unlike that of a youngster picking on the kids he finds fun and mayhaps develops a kind of crush on and wants to get to know better but doesn’t quite know how or knows what to do with his interest and feelings.

Yeah in that context the thing with the licking and smelling thing is still hella creep but makes a bit more sense no?

Keep in mind that scent and taste are the senses most closely linked to memory. The memories we get through experiencing stimuli through these senses tend to be the most vivid and easily recalled. Thinking about that, and thinking about how both are the only senses we have that go past the boundary of ourselves, that only occurs when we take in something other inside us, how in its way that’s a kind of connection is it not? And perhaps at the end of the day, in his heart of hearts, that’s something Higgs wanted from Sam & Fragile. And was willing to take it in whatever form he could have it. Even if only the mockery of one. The memory of it.

@team-trash-panda , @maskedprepperkid , @goldenbridgessss , @chiralcrystallization , @savage-rhi , @argetlam007 , @chloe-3-price , @ruinerofcheese

#higgs monaghan #this is part analysis part----- me picking and choosing what I glimpse from context tbh #in summary higgs is a socially awkward jerk that probably has feelings of some sort #not entirely hostile towards the individuals he portrays these behaviors around #but doesnt know the first thing about what to do with them or how to get them across in a way that's socially acceptable ESPECIALLY WITH #CIRCUMSTANCES AND HIS HISTORY WITH THEM BEING WHAT IT IS #but yeah #we've all wondered about it #this is just my analysis and opinions on it #more or less #hope it makes sense and more intelligent then I think I sound just reading it back to myself ; ;#my thoughts are messy and it shows

119 notes · View notes

thomotomo · 4 years

Text

Fuck it.

Summary: Loki and Tony have been dating for a while in secret, one day where the ex-Rogues are getting too much on Tony’s nerves and he decides to say fuck it to their little secret.

Pairing: IronFrost Tony Stark x Loki

Words: 2.0k

A/N: 1st fic of 2021! Tell me what you think about it :)

Tony frowned as he felt the sun’s rays hit his face. He simply didn’t want to wake up and face the cold outside of his bed and the people outside his bedroom.

He nuzzled closer from the “not that hot” body that was lying next to him. He felt the body’s chest rise up and down quickly as the same time as hearing a low laugh. Tony groaned and half-heartedly hit the torso of the other male.

“Stop laughing at me Loki. You’re just a comfy pillow.”, Tony stated, voice rough because of the previous night.

“Oh, considering what happened yesterday night, I’m more than just a pillow to you huh?”, the Asgardian asked a smirk playing on his lips even though the other couldn’t see him.

“Meh, just an upgraded pillow.”, Tony grinned as he moved to take a look at his lover. He looked at his pale features and bright green eyes and kissed the dark-haired male softly.

“I wish we wouldn’t have to leave that room…”

“Me too darling… Sadly we have to go or those companions of yours will wonder why Tony Stark didn’t left his bedroom and they will find a stupid reason about it as if you’re going to murder someone…”, Loki said, a small frown on his face.

“I know, they act like assholes, but we have no other choices but have them here.”

Tony sighed and laid back his head on Loki’s torso, closing his eyes to savour the moment they were having before they inevitably had to separate themselves from each other for the day. After cuddling for extra minutes Loki regretfully pulled away and put on his clothes.

“Sorry love, I have to go back to my room…”

“It’s okay Loki-doki, see you later then.”, the nickname made Loki groan playfully as he pulled the last piece of cloth on him and left to go to his bedroom.

Tony stared at the now closed door and felt his heart ache from the emptiness he felt, even though Loki just left. He wishes they could spend every second with each other but alas they couldn’t. Mainly because they were housing the ex-Rogues with whom he wasn’t on good terms at the moments. After all, he received a nearly fatal wound from someone he admired greatly, of course their relations would be very strained.

Tony sighed and stood up, looking for his clothes and put them on before checking if he had any hickeys or not and when satisfied with the covering of his . He gathered all his mental strength and stepped out his room, locking it behind him and left to go to the kitchen, trying to dismiss the feeling of dread in his stomach as he neared the room and arbored a look of tiredness and confidence as he stepped inside.

Some ex-Rogues were eating but luckily for him Rogers was probably jogging or something else and Tony was glad for that. Even though he wasn’t the most aggressive of the band, Tony felt constantly judged by the man and the ghost of his father every time the blonde male was trying to talk about what happened.

Tony took a mug as he nodded politely to the Rogues present and made himself a cup of coffee and waited a bit impatiently and slightly anxious. He heard the haughty scoff which obviously came from Wanda and tried not to wince at the thought of her being able to use freely her powers against him if she ever wanted.

“Of course, the great Tony Stark wouldn’t talk to us. He’s better than that after all.”

Tony closed his eyes as the last drops of coffee fell in into his mug and grabbed it, trying to put a pleasant a face and turned to face her and the others.

“Well good morning then Wanda, good morning to you too Clint and Natasha.”

Tony walked away to his lab, a fake air of confidence to avoid any questions and once he was in one of his favourite places in the tower he dropped the act and sighed tiredly. Having the ex-Rogues clearly had taken a toll on his mental health but sadly he had no choices to accept them, mainly because he felt guilty leaving his ex-comrades even though they were the one who messed with him in first place but also partly because the government didn’t like to see their star super-hero being a fugitive so of course they wanted him to become once again a great team.

Tony sipped on his coffee and started to work on his current project, giving instructions to Friday and gently lectured DUM-E whenever he brought the wrong object to help him. Bruce came later in the room, starting his own work quietly, sometimes disrupting their quiet work by asking some help for something. Tony really enjoyed working in this calm but sadly every good things have to ends and it happened when Steve decided to step inside the lab.

“Stark, we need to talk.”

Tony kept working on his project.

“We can do it here. What do you want Rogers?”

“I’d like to know if we’re obligated to have Loki around. Wanda and Clint feel really uncomfortable whenever he’s around, and truth to be told I am too.”

“Oh and you don’t think I’m uncomfortable around Wanda?”, Tony scoffed but stopped working to avoid any accidents.

“C’mon Tony that’s ridiculous, she’s a child who made mistakes! Loki is a grown ass adult who tried to invade the Earth and murder everyone! Why is he here anyway?”, Tony could feel Steve trying to keep his “golden hero” façade by trying to keep himself from yelling at Tony. The dark-haired man turned to face the other hero.

“Well if you had read the news asshole, you would have known that Loki had been mind controlled, which means he attacked Earth against his will. He could have invaded Earth from anywhere but no, right in New York where a lot of heroes are stationed. A bit weird for someone who want to submit the planet huh? Seriously Rogers, Wanda is not a kid either she’s in her 20’s!”

“Tha-That’s not the same! She was tricked into thinking they were friendly!”

“Well the situations are quite the same in my opinion! Anyway, I don’t even know why I bother talking about this to you? If you have a problem with anyone in the team, I’m not the boss here you should see Ross and the council they’ll decide of solutions and all.”

“Tony you can’t dismiss this like that!”, Steve took a step toward Tony, making the man

“I-“ “Rogers, not only he can, but he just did. Why don’t you go see Ross like Anthony advised you?”

Loki stepped in, seemingly out of thin air (which wouldn’t be surprising considering the man’s powers). Steve stared at the Asgardian, turning a bit red and stomped awa.

Tony sighed as Loki approached him.

“Are you alright love?”

“Yes thank you Loki.”

Tony felt soft lips touching their forehead and he happily sighed. Bruce was still in the room but ignored the two lovers. They didn’t mind being affective in front of people who actually cared about them, they knew they wouldn’t be judged, and it was better to keep their relationship between people who really mattered to them to avoid any complications.

They stayed close to each other for a few moments before Tony told him he had to work on his project. Loki offered to help or at least stay in the lab in case Steve would come back to bother him, but Tony rejected the offer.

Loki kissed him in the cheek and left to train with Stephen. Tony kept a soft smile the whole time, that was the effect the ex-villain had on him. He heard Bruce laughing and he turned his head to hide he was laughing about Tony.

“Shut up Bruce there’s nothing funny!”

The other man tried to calm himself as Tony looked at him dead serious, trying not to break character because holy molly it was great to see Bruce laughing freely and in genuine happiness. Once Bruce calmed down they resumed their work but not for long before they got interrupted again, this time by Clint.

“Stark. Why is Loki roaming free around me?”, Tony couldn’t help but sigh, the Rogues weren’t able to discuss between each other to coordinate their complains.

“Barton. I can’t resolve this issue, I’m not the boss here and earlier Rogers came to talk to me about this issue. He went to see Ross so if you would please go and join them instead of bothering me during work.”

Tony heard Clint stomp away and sighed before continuing his work. He didn’t see the time pass and before he knew it, it was time for dinner and Bruce reminded him, forcing him to leave his work alone. It was something that happened during the time the Rogues weren’t here yet, he had taken upon himself to eat at reasonable hours and was “forced” by Loki to sleep a bit more than before and truth to be told, he felt a bit better.

When they arrived in the kitchen, everyone was already here and the only place available was next to Steve, but luckily to his left there was Loki and Tony sent a secret smile to his lover, which got reciprocated by a smile smirk and a heated gaze making Tony feel hot on the inside. But he didn’t ignore the glares Loki was getting from most of the ex-Rogues, mainly Clint and Steve who’s meeting with Ross didn’t seems to go the way they had hoped.

On the inside Tony felt really glad Ross and the council had denied whatever request they had made about Loki, even if he knew that it wouldn’t have been accepted, considering that the Rogues were on a kind of probation with everything they did prior to be re-integrated to the Avengers they wouldn’t be believed unless they brought substantial proofs.

Everyone dived in the meal, trying to keep it civil between but of course it didn’t last before Loki couldn’t help but make a sarcastic jab toward Steve’s behaviour with Tony, making everyone start an argument.

Tony sighed tiredly, he knew they shouldn’t have accepted trying to have a meal with everyone pre and post Russian bunker incident reunited in the same place for a meal. He just wanted to everyone to shut up and eat their meal but he knew it wouldn’t be so easy. He ignored the injunctions that were thrown at him by Wanda and Clint and instead observed Loki’s face who was sporting a smirk on his face as he was arguing with the Rogues, clearly insulting their abilities and, in that moment, Tony found him extremely hot.

Tony decided if everyone was already hot angry why not throw some grease on the fire. This would be fun. He suddenly stands up, catching Loki’s shirt collar in his hand and kissed his lover, cutting short the Asgardian insult toward Wanda’s magic and well shutting up everyone because they were now gaping at him.

Tony stopped kissing and winked at Loki who seemed shocked for a split second but quickly put on a grin and licked his lips.

“C’mon Loki-doki, let’s eat in the lab it’ll be quieter.”

Steve was spluttering, shocked, and most of the Rogues were trying to find something to say about the display of affection that just took place in front of them.

“Also, yes, I’m dating Loki and we’re damn happy. And you clearly don’t have a say in this. Go complain to Ross, again, and everyone who you think they care and see how they will react.”

Tony snatched his plate and left the room, quickly followed by Loki who had a shit-eating grin on his face. Once they were in the lab Loki talked.

“Well love, that some spectacle you put out there.”

“At least those little assholes will actually have something to complain about.”

Loki laughed, from now on the Rogues will definitely will have to worry not only about the PDA but also on which surface they want to eat their food on.

#ironfrost #tony x loki #avengers #tony stark x loki #marvel

14 notes · View notes

mbuntamed · 3 years

Text

Soul Commissioner - Part 2

Genre: Fantasy / Romance / Stray Kids

Word Count: 2600

Disclaimer: This story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this AU are fictitious. No identification with actual persons, places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.

Triggers: bullying, harassment, depression, death, murder, suicidal thoughts, trauma, torture, body shaming, ghosts, language, and sexual situations.

_____________________________________________________________

(7:00 AM alarm rings)

Y/N reaches her arm out from under the covers and begins tapping around the nightstand for her phone. She finally makes contact with it and manages to snooze it for another ten minutes. She realized that she was going to be cutting it really close on time to get ready for school, but she honestly didn’t care; she just wanted more sleep. Besides, it’s not like she needed much time to get ready anyway. Who am I trying to impress, she thought to herself.

Ten minutes later, her alarm rang out again. Only this time, she rolled over and turned it off. She slowly sat up, stretched out her arms, and let out the most obnoxious yawn she could project. She rubbed her eyes as if to wipe away her grogginess, not that it helped. Depression is weird that way...whether you get 2 hours, 8 hours, or 12 hours of sleep, it’s never enough and you’re always tired.

Y/N’s parents died when she was eight, leaving her, an only child, to be taken in by another member of the family. The only issue was that no one seemed to want her. She wasn’t a bad child by any means; she was actually a very low maintenance, very well-behaved girl. But every member of her extended family seemed to have some grand reason why they could not take her. That is, until her aunt stepped in. That day was forever ingrained in her memory:

{{Aunt Cassia was Y/N’s mother’s younger sister. She was a professional photographer with work that took her all over the world. She was honestly the only member of the family with an actual reason as to why she couldn’t take her in. But as the family sat around a table at the funeral arguing over who would take in Y/N, and right in front of her, Cassia could not bear to watch it any longer.

“I’ll take her,” Cassia said confidently as she stepped into the middle of the room.

“You? You don’t even take care of yourself half the time,” one of the cousins said with a snooty laugh.

“I said I will take her,” Cassia said once more.

“How can YOU possibly know how to care for a child?” Another family member retorted.

“Well, seeing as how NONE of you are willing to step up and care for a member of your own family, I seem to be the last resort. That, and I rather like Y/N,” she said with a wink in her direction.

Some time and much arguing later, Cassia bid her last farewell to her sister and left the funeral home with her niece. She had no idea what she was going to do, nor any clue how to raise a child, but nevertheless, she knew that this was what her sister would have wanted. And she also knew that no matter what, she would make sure that Y/N led a happy life.

So Cassia left her life of travel and exploration, traded in her one bedroom apartment for a two bedroom, took a job at an event-planning company as their official photographer, and did her best to keep her promise to make Y/N happy. She helped her with homework, even though sometimes Y/N seemed to be the one teaching Cassia. She kept her fed, clothed, and healthy. And on her days off, she made sure to spend as much time with Y/N as possible, teaching her everything she knew about the world. She wanted Y/N to grow up feeling wanted and loved so that neither of them would have any regrets.

But as the years passed, Y/N became more and more aware of the fact that Cassia was not as happy as she pretended to be. Y/N would catch Cassia looking through her old photography albums and magazine features, but it was always with such sad eyes. Sometimes, Y/N would open Cassia’s computer to do homework and there would be plane tickets to all over the world under pending purchases; but she never followed through.

Y/N knew that even though Cassia loved her like a mother loves a daughter, and Y/N loved her aunt equally, she was holding her back from the life she both wanted and deserved. It was right around Y/N’s fourteenth birthday that she decided that she would do everything she could to show her aunt that she could support herself so that Cassia could go back to her life of adventure. So every allowance, every holiday card, and every paycheck after Y/N turned sixteen and got a part time job, went into her savings account. And then, on her eighteenth birthday, instead of receiving a gift, Y/N gave one instead.

Y/N had secretly been in correspondence with Cassia’s previous agent over the past few months. She was working hard at getting her aunt’s old job back so that Cassia couldn’t refuse her. Her agent had reluctantly agreed to allow her back at the company, but only on a trial basis. But Y/N knew they would make her permanent in no time; her aunt was really that talented and professional.

So Y/N told her aunt that she had her old job back and also that she already sent in her resignation at the event-planning company. She was about to continue with the rest of the news, but Cassia looked like her eyes would bulge out of her head at any moment, so she gave her a moment to digest. When her aunt finally made eye contact with her, she looked like she was going to explode with anger. So Y/N started talking before her aunt could say anything.

“Before you react, hear me out. I already signed a contract for a one-room apartment. I have enough in my savings to last me the year, plus I have a job so I’ll make more, I get good grades, and as I am now eighteen, I am more than capable of taking care of myself,” Y/N let out in one breath so that her aunt wouldn’t interrupt her.

Cassia continued to sit and stare at Y/N. She sat there silently for what seemed like an eternity. Y/N felt so awkward and fidgety that she was about to break the silence herself when Cassia finally exhaled the breath she had obviously been holding in.

“Why? She asked through gritted teeth.

“What do you mean why?” Y/N responded carefully.

“Why do you want me to leave? I mean I know I have my short-comings. And I know I’m not nearly as capable as your mom was, but I thought I was doing okay.” She asked as tears started to form.

Y/N crossed the room and sat down on the couch next to her aunt. She reached out her hands towards her aunt’s, but her aunt pulled her hands away abruptly. Y/N looked up to meet her aunt’s gaze, which was now full of sadness rather than anger.

“Aunt Cassia-” Y/N began, but was cut off.

“Stop. I don’t want to hear it. Tomorrow, we’re going to void that apartment contract and get my old job back so that everything can remain the way it’s always been,” she said, wiping a sole tear that had fallen on her cheek.

“Aunt Cassia,” Y/N attempted again as she lay her hands on her aunt’s lap. “I love you. You have given me everything. But it’s time I give you something in return.”

“Like what? Abandonment?” Cassia said coldly.

“No. Like your life back,” Y/N responded with a smile.

“I never asked for that. And what makes you think I want any part of it anyway?” Cassia asked while raising her nose in the air with the high level of sass she was notorious for.

“Cassia,” Y/N began, “I know you. I know when you’re faking a smile. I know when you’re pretending to be happy. I’ve seen the old photographs and magazines and the plane tickets. It’s time for you to get back to your dream.”

“Oh no, I am the adult here. I am supposed to take care of you, not the other way around!” Cassia retorted.

The conversation turned into an argument, which then turned into a crying fest, which led to a hugging fest, and then finally became a civilized conversation between the two. It was abundantly apparent that Cassia really did love and cherish Y/N. Since taking her in all those years ago, they had become what any family strives to achieve in terms of closeness. And for all the reasons Y/N had worked hard at saving money over the years, it was just as clear that she loved her aunt more than anything else in the world.

Cassia understood why Y/N did everything she did, but she was reluctant to accept. She felt as if she would be abandoning her niece, and more importantly, hurting her sister, if she were to return to her life of travel and leave Y/N to fend for herself. But Y/N had thought of everything; every last detail to make sure Cassia felt reassured. And much to her dismay, Cassia was starting to believe her.

So after a long, LONG conversation, Y/N finally managed to convince her aunt that this was for the best and that everything was going to work out perfectly. Cassia would deposit a monthly allowance and fly home to visit at least every three months. In return, Y/N had to call Cassia at least once a week and fill her in on everything happening in her life...and honestly too. She wanted updates on grades, work, expenses, and basically every encounter she had with anyone.

Y/N agreed with zero push back. Granted, she would have agreed to anything in order to help support her aunt’s dreams; she deserved that much. And besides, school, work, and money were easy subjects for her since she had been working so hard at all three for many years. It was the “every encounter” area that concerned her. She knew that her aunt knew she didn’t really get along with the other kids at school. What her aunt did not know was that she was bullied on a regular basis, and pretty severely. But Y/N was strong and tried to not let it affect her too much.}}

______________________________________________________________

Y/N finally got out of bed and dragged herself to the bathroom. She made sure to have just enough time to brush her teeth and wash her face before throwing on her school uniform and heading out the door. Her apartment wasn’t too far from the school so she walked every day. Apart from the unpredictable elements, it wasn’t a bad walk either. Well, unless she ran into certain classmates. But as this was something she had been dealing with for years, she had many alternative routes and hiding spots in order to avoid her bullies. One of these hiding spots sometimes gave her breakfast, so it wasn’t all bad.

When Y/N arrived at school, she made sure to get there minutes before the first bell rang to continue avoiding as many classmates as possible. She went straight to her locker to hang up her coat and change her shoes. If it was a good day, her locker would be clean and empty. If it was going to be a bad day, which most were, there would be some garbage or dead bugs, or at least a threatening note, in her locker. And judging by the apple core and banana peal she had to throw away, it was going to be a bad day.

She hurried to Homeroom just before the first bell, but as she entered the classroom, the room got suspiciously quiet. She cautiously approached her desk fearing someone would trip her. But today, her classmates were going for a less physical approach. Written all over her desk were notes in permanent marker: “go away,” “no one likes you,” “transfer,” loser,” and a couple other suggestions that were much more aggressive.

Y/N pretended not to notice them as she sat down and began unpacking her backpack. She always thought that if she just ignored them and didn’t give them the reaction they wanted, they would just stop. Unfortunately, sometimes that just made it worse; again, today was one of those days. Because today, the group of girls who could only be described as the ring-leaders of the bullying campaign against her must have decided that her uniform was too clean. They, one by one, proceeded to “trip” as they walked past her and dump their iced macchiatos all over her. The last one was obviously a caramel macchiato, judging by the thick, sticky caramel syrup that was now clinging to Y/N’s hair.

Unfazed, Y/N stood up to excuse herself to the restroom. But as she got to the door, the teacher entered the classroom, looked her up and down, and began scolding her.

“Miss Y/N,” he bellowed, “this is exactly why I do not allow food or beverages in my classroom. I mean could you be any more of a mess right now? You are an embarrassment to this school and yourself. Now go to the supply closet and get something to clean up the mess you made around your desk!”

The rest of the classroom tried to stifle their laughter, but a few of them couldn’t hold it in. Y/N turned around to face her classmates, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at them. So instead, she turned around to face the teacher and said “yes sir,” and walked out quickly.

As she made her way to the girls’ restroom, she realized that she was fighting back tears. She had to hold them in; she promised she would never let anyone see her cry. So she kept her head down and hurriedly continued on her way. But as she rounded the corner with her head lowered, she bumped into another student. She sort of bounced off him and almost fell backwards, but she caught herself in time.

“I’m sorry,” she said to him with her head still lowered.

But the boy did not respond. She slowly looked up, nervous to see which enemy she had incidentally assaulted. But when her eyes met his, she couldn’t contain the sigh of relief that escaped from her. She found herself thanking any and every deity that she bumped into this particular boy. Well, not particular like a specific person she knew, but particular as in she knew he was not one of the boys who got off on picking on her.

She half smiled at him and repeated herself, “I’m really sorry.”

He barely looked up to meet her gaze, nodded in her direction, and then hurried off down the hall back towards the classrooms.

Y/N straightened herself back up and made her way to the girls’ restroom where she attempted to clean the coffee and syrup out of her hair and clothes. She eventually gave up and went to her locker to grab her gym clothes to change. She still smelled like coffee, but at least she wasn’t sticky anymore. So she raised her head high, grabbed the cleaning supplies she would need from the supply closet, and made her way back to the classroom. What more could they possibly do to me today that they haven’t already she thought to herself.

1 note · View note

chickensarentcheap · 4 years

Text

Best Part of Me -Chapter Eight

Warnings: none

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @alievans007, @thunderintheshadows

Tyler gets up with the kids. Helping them with their morning routines, making breakfasts and school lunches, loading up backpacks. Little mundane things that the average person takes for granted, but he finds calm in. The familiarity of the ‘same old, same old’, always knowing what comes next and how to handle it. For years his life had been anything but relaxed and routine; the job always unpredictable, never knowing when something could go wrong and finding yourself fighting for your life, constantly surrounded by the potential for chaos. Now he has complete control over the things taking place around him. He can keep things running smoothly, well organized, predictable. Instead of gunshots and explosions and people screaming in terror and pain, all there is to hear is his children’s voices and their giggles; maybe the occasional argument or a fight that needs broken up or one of Declan’s ear piercing shrieks. But no matter how loud it can get and how much it can try your patience, it’s still a thousand times better than the alternative.

He tends to Millie’s hair as they wait at the end of the driveway for the school bus. Carefully brushing out the tangles in her long, thick tresses, pulling apart separate sections and braiding them, securing them with impossibly small elastics she keeps passing back to him. It’s surreal; that his hands…with all their scars and their callouses and their busted up knuckles…had at one time being able to inflict so much damage on others, yet now can expertly and almost flawlessly, fixing a five year old’s hair.

“These too!” Millie says, and fishes two sparkly Hello Kitty barrettes from the pocket of her hoodie.

“Really?” he smirks. “Cut me some slack. I need to draw the line somewhere.”

“I’m saving the Stars Wars ones for tomorrow because it’s Friday. I always wear those on Friday,” she reasons, and holds the small hair clips aloft once more. “Please, daddy?”

With a sigh he relents, snapping both open and holding one between his lips as he tends to the first.

“Maybe this is what you could get a job doing,” she muses. “A hairdresser.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so. And I think they’re called stylists now. It’s more PC.”

“What does PC mean?”

“It’s just a more polite way to talk to people and about people. Like how it isn’t polite that you go around calling people dick heads.”

“But what if they are?” she asks. “What if they are dick heads?”

“Then just think it in your head. Don’t say it.”

“Dickheads need to know they’re dickheads,” she argues. “So they stop being dickheads.”

Tyler sighs. “Do you have to remember all the bad words I say around you?”

“You shouldn’t say them if you don’t want me to repeat them, daddy.”

He smirks, then attaches the last clip to her hair. “Shoes,” he nods towards the Spiderman sandals sitting in the driveway. “Get ‘em on. Can’t go on the bus without them. That’s the rules.”

Millie sighs dramatically and rolls her eyes, grumbling complaints as she shoves her feet into her sandals.

“So who’s this guy?” he asks. “Your boyfriend.”

Her eyes narrow. “Who told you?”

“Doesn’t matter who told me. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I can’t tell you everything daddy. Especially about boys. Not when you’re a boy.”

“Doesn’t it make more sense to tell me about boys because I am a boy.”

She frowns. “That’s not how this works”

“You’re starting to sound more and more like your mum every day.”

“It’s not a bad thing though,” Millie reasons.

“No. It’s not. She’s pretty smart. And you shouldn’t be talking about boys anyway.”

She puts a hand on her hip and cocks her head to the side as she looks up at him. “Why not?”

“Because you’re too young.”

“I’m almost six,” his daughter reminds him, and for a moment he feels his entire body tense and his blood run cold. The mere mention of it…the age that Austin had been when he died…brings about the fear that Millie will wake up that morning and something horrible will be wrong with her. It’s irrational. He knows it is. But it creates a panic inside of him that is powerful and all consuming.

“Six it still too young,” Tyler says. “Sixty sounds better.”

She rolls her eyes at that.

“What’s his name? At least give me that.”

She has the nerve to sigh dreamily when she says it, “Ryan. He’s really cute.”

“Oh please!” TJ pipes up from where and his twin sit on the curb waiting for the bus, watching surfing videos on YouTube on Tyler’s phone. “He’s ugly!”

“He is not!” his sister bites back. “You’re ugly.”

“We look the same, Millie. So you’re calling yourself ugly too.”

“I do not look like you!” she argues. “Never! In a million, billion, gazillion years!”

“Yeah, you kind of do,” Tyler says. “You all look alike and you all look like me, so..”

“See!” TJ gestures towards him. “We look like daddy and daddy’s not ugly. But Ryan is. Ryan must have an ugly daddy.”

“Okay…okay…enough…” Tyler attempts to diffuse the situation, a hand on the top of Millie’s head to prevent her from bolting at her brother and attacking him. “…no one is ugly. We don’t call people that.”

“Not even if they actually are?” TJ asks.

Tyler scowls at him. “Did I stutter? No one is ugly. Not on the outside. Lots of ugly people on the inside though. And you guys need to watch your mouths. Please. Or mommy’s going to have my ass.”

“You said ass,” Tanner giggles, and soon his brother and sister joins in.

Tyler sighs. Never so relieved to see the school bus as it approaches.

****

They eat breakfast on the beach; a blanket spread out underneath them, Addie in her carrier seat, a towel draped over it to shield her from the sun, only her bare feet visible. Declan sits ten feet away, at the edge of the water in swim trunks and a lifejacket, alternating between digging his feet and hands in the wet sand and laughing at Mac as he bounds through the light waves, splashing the toddler each time.

It’s a refreshing change from their usual mornings. Most filled with counselling sessions, errands to run, nor work that he’s picked up with Ovi. To be able to just relax and enjoy each other’s company without having the older kids interrupting or without having to worry about rushing off somewhere. The only thing on his schedule a previously planned lunch get together with Ovi. He can only imagine what kind of fresh hell awaits him. Either more talk about the job or the younger man seeking relationship advice or help picking out a ring. And he doesn’t want to be even remotely involved with any of those three options.

“Are you going to say something to him?” Esme asks, she stretches out sideways on the blanket, placing her head on his thigh. Even five kids later and only two weeks having the final one she’s just the beautiful woman in the world to him; body slightly tanned, breasts fuller and hips wider, clad in a simple one-piece black bathing suit. “About last night?”

Tyler leans back on his elbows, legs stretched out in front of him. A ball cap turned backwards on his head, sunglasses covering his eyes, clad in only a pair of board shorts. “I already said what I needed to say. What more is there?”

“I don’t understand his sudden interest in the job. He’s never….in the past five years…ever talked about it. And now he gets the urge to jump into it?”

“He said he’s been thinking about it for a couple of weeks. I guess he finally got enough balls to bring it up.”

“Well he’s going need even more balls if he’s that serious about it. Because if he goes into it as the Ovi he is now, he won’t get through the first day.”

“Guess he’ll have to learn the hard way, won’t he.”

“A hard and very permanent way,” she points out.

“Like you said, he’s a man now. Which means he’s old enough to make his own decisions. And if that’s the decision he wants to make…” his voice trails off and he shrugs.

“You can’t tell me you’re going to just sit back and watch him do it.”

“What else am I supposed to do? Chain him to something? Lock him inside the house? He’s an adult. I can’t spend the rest of my life worrying about him. I’ve got five kids to take care of. I don’t need to be holding his hand and wiping his ass too.”

She frowns. “So you’d just let him do it? Without saying a word?”’

“He knows how I feel about it. What more can I do? As long as he doesn’t find a way to drag my ass back into it, he can do what he wants.”

“And say he does,” she rolls over onto her side, facing him. “Say he does get into the job. What if he gets himself in trouble?”

“I’m sure whoever he’ll work for will have people to help get him out of trouble.”

“But would you be able to stay away?” her hand fiddles with the drawstring on his shorts, twisting it around her middle finger, releasing it, then repeating the action. “If something goes wrong. We’re not talking about some random off the street, Tyler. We’re talking about Ovi. Our Ovi. It would be like if the twins or Declan got involved. And there’s no way you’d ever let that happen.”

“Those are my kids. My actual kids. That I helped make. There’s a huge difference.”

“But you love him like he’s yours. So it only stands to reason that you’d treat him like your own. That’d you want to help if he got himself into trouble.”

“Well hopefully it won’t come to that, yeah? Hopefully, he’ll smarten up before then. Stop letting Chloe put all kinds of shit in his head.”

“It won’t get that far if you just talk to him.”

“Esme…” he sighs. “…I just told you that…”

“If you actually talk to him. Without losing your temper, without threatening to beat his ass, without having to put the fear of God into him. If you just stay calm and talk to him like a rational and civilized adult.”

“There’s nothing rational about this whole situation.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to flip out. He’ll respond a lot better if you don’t snap and he doesn’t feel scared or threatened.”

“I think he’d be more freaked out if I don’t snap.”

“You have to talk to him,” she insists, undoing the ties on his shorts and then doing them back up again. “You have to get through to him. You can’t just sit back and watch him get into the job. You know what it’s like. That life. You don’t have all those scars on your body for no reason.”

“In all fairness, some are from when I was in the army and from when I’ve done stupid shit when I’ve been drunk.”

“Regardless, the majority are from the job. Including that one,” she reaches up to place a fingertip over the scar on his neck. “And he knows the story behind that one. He was there when it happened. And he knows the aftermath. Yet he’s still thinking about doing this? It makes no sense. I bet you it’s that stupid bitch Chloe. Putting all kinds kind of crap is in head.”

“For some reason she thinks the job is the only thing that makes someone ‘manly’.”

“That’s horseshit. So she’s insinuating you’re not a ‘man’s man’ because you don’t do the job anymore? That’s ridiculous. It takes more of a man to walk away from something to save his marriage and keep his family together, than it does for him to actually stick with the job and lose everything. Anyone can be a mercenary. Within reason. But not everyone can be a good father. And you’re an amazing father. So she can go and get fucked.”

“Feisty,” he grins, and leans down to kiss her. “I like it.”

“I just want to go and throat punch her. Who the hell does she think she is? She has no clue who you are and what you’ve been through. What you still go through. And she wants to have a chat about it, I’m more than willing to beat her ass. I mean chat.”

“As flattered as I am that you want to defend my honour and as much I know you can take her, no one needs to beat anyone’s ass. She’s just…” he searches for the right word.

“Stupid? A moron? A tool? A swamp dwelling, knuckle dragging, thundercunt?”

He chuckles. “I was going to say ignorant, but that last one has a better ring to it. Just leave it. Don’t go and make things worse. You go after her and Ovi will lose it and then we have to put up with his shit. Just ignore her.”

“She pisses me off,” Esme huffs, and rolls over onto her back once more. “First trying to get Ovi into it and then you? I wouldn’t be as mad if she’d left you out of it. How many times to you have to tell people that you’re done? That you’re not going back? Do you they expect you to change your mind?”

“Guess they’d thought I’d be bored by now.”

“And are you?” she asks. “Bored?”

“I have five kids. When do I have the time to be bored?”

“It’s a different kind of active, though,” she reasons. “You’re stuck in the same place. Day after day. With the same people.”

“First of all,” he sits up, wiping his palms together to clear the sand off them, then places a hand on her stomach and leans down to kiss her. “I’m not stuck. This…what we have…this is not stuck. This is far from being stuck. This is where I want to be. With my kids. With you.”

“But what you do now is a far cry from what you used to you before me.”

“I was an alcoholic addicted to pain pills before I met you. That’s not exactly living the dream.”

“I meant the job. How busy it kept you. You were always on the go.”

“I’m always on the go now, so…”

“It’s different. Way different. You went from one type of craziness to another. It’s a huge change. You can’t tell me there’s not some kind of let down. That your body and your brain doesn’t feel that. You don’t miss it at all?”

“Is this a trick question? I feel like if I answer this the wrong way, I’m going to be sleeping on the couch for a while.”

“I’m not trying to trick you. It’s a legitimately honest question. I don’t expect you to just get it out of your system and act like that life never existed. You did the job for years. It was part of who you were. And to just walk away and trade it in for something more…I don’t know…boring….”

“Being with you and my kids is not boring. So get that shit out of your head right now.”

“Okay so boring wasn’t that right word to use. So…normal. Compared to what you were doing before. It’s a huge difference, Tyler. Between the job and this life. You went from all that danger and craziness to changing diapers and making bottles and teaching little boys how to pee standing up. You can’t tell me there wasn’t some of culture shock thing going on. It’s not like I expected you to just give your old life up and not miss it even the tiniest bit.”

“Do we really have to talk about this? Because I don’t want this turning into a fight. How often do we get to do this? Just sit here like this. I don’t want to ruin it by talking about this shit.”

“I promise you; I am not trying to fight. I’m not going to be mad at whatever your answer is. I just want to know if you miss it sometimes.”

“Sometimes,” he admits, and is relieved when she doesn’t frown or scowl. “It’s hard not to. It’s what I did. Who I was. For a long time.”

“I know it’s been hard on you. Just walking away like that. And I don’t blame you for missing it sometimes. I missed it for a while; after giving it up after Dhaka and staying here. I think I missed it up right until Millie was born. Then I was suddenly a mom and I never thought of it again. You did a good thing, Tyler. Leaving it behind.”

“I wasn’t going to lose you. Or my kids. I should have walked away a long time ago. Probably would have been a lot easier.”

“Do you miss it enough to ever go back?”

“No,” he replies quickly, confidently. “I don’t. Because I’d miss you and the kids way more than I’ll ever miss the job.”

She smiles, then lays her hand on the side of his face as he kisses her. “You have to promise me that if you can’t change Ovi’s mind and he does do this, and he does get himself into trouble…”

He frowns. “I don’t think I like where this is going.”

“…. you have to promise me you’ll do whatever you have to to help him. That you won’t just leave him to rot somewhere.”

“Whoever he works for will have people to help him and get him out. I’m not…”

“You have to do it,” she insists. “You have to be the one that goes and gets him. You’ll never trust anyone more than you trust yourself in those situations. You have the experience. And you’d never be able to live with yourself if you didn’t go and the worst happened. Promise me, Tyler. That if it comes down to that, you’ll be the one that goes for him.”

“Esme, I can’t. You know I can’t. I’m not man I was before. That guy is gone. He’s not coming back.”

“He’s always going to be somewhere inside of you. It’s whether or not you let him out. And if it comes down to it, Ovi will need that other guy. You know he will.”

Tyler sighs heavily and look out towards his youngest son; crouched in the water, fascinated by the wet sand that slips through his fingers. Just so perfect and so innocent and totally unaware of all the darkness; the monsters and demons that haunt his father’s past.

“I can’t lose you guys,” he says. “I just can’t.”

She reaches up and lays a hand against the side of his face, thumb gliding along his lips, his beard rough against her palm. “You won’t,” she promises.

****

“So basically I have this stupid little bitch who lives at my house,” Esme laments, as she and Salena sit on the latter’s back patio, sharing a pitcher of mock cocktails and the pizza Salena had ordered for lunch. Declan playing close by in the sand, Addie on ground next to her; awake and content in her car carrier. “Well technically not in my house. In my guest house.”

“And who is stupid little bitch to you?”

“The girlfriend of my oldest. Not my biological oldest, obviously. Friends of our passed away and they named us as his guardians in their will,” the lie is so well rehearsed and used to often that it rolls easily off the tongue. “Ovi. We’ve had him for five years. He just turned twenty.”

“I think I might have seen him the other day. Walking Macaroni. I was dropping some things off and saw them wander by. Tall, fairly built, darker skin?”

Esme nods and sips her drink, wishing for the first time in months that there was booze in it. “He met this girl when we lived in Colorado. I shouldn’t even call her a girl. She’s a grown ass woman. Twenty-four. And if you knew Ovi, you’d know that he’s still a kid in some ways. Anyways, we made the mistake of letting her come with us. Only because we were worried if we didn’t, he’d stay behind even though he’s nowhere near ready to be away from us. She seemed okay at first. But now…”

“Total nightmare?”

“You have no idea. Without going into too much detail, she’s trying to get him mixed up in the same line of work my husband used to do. And it’s a tough haul. Lots of travelling, a ton of stress, some danger tossed in the mix. It’s just messy. And it’s caused a lot of problems in my married. A lot. To the point we split up for six months at one point. And to the point we see a marriage counsellor. Which is not fun, trust me. He is not the type that opens up to a lot of people. And he absolutely hates that he has to do it with a complete stranger. Sometimes I think it’s causing more harm than good. But…” she shrugs.

“Must have been one hell of a job by the sounds of it,” Salena comments.

“It was. It was a nightmare. Again, without going into too much detail, he almost died. In a work related incident.” Those words make it sound so simple, when in fact it’s anything but. “And he spent months in the hospital and months in rehab and therapy and then he got dragged back into it all over again. How and why isn’t important. But he left it for a reason. A very good and very legitimate reason. And this stupid little bitch came up with a business idea that Ovi and my husband go back into the job together.”

Salena frowns. “If it’s that stressful and dangerous, why the hell would anyone want to do it?”

“Exactly. Why? She has it in her head that it’s some kind of exciting, amazing life. And it’s not. It sucks. It’s hard and it’s scary and it causes so many issues. Yet none of that seems to matter to her.”

“Did you talk to her about it? See what her explanation is?”

“I don’t want to talk to her. I want to punch her in the throat. It’s one thing trying to get Ovi involved. That’s bad enough. But to try and get my husband back into it? I won’t tolerate that shit. He’s been through enough. He doesn’t need that on top of everything else.”

“Well I know what I would do,” Salena says, as she helps herself to another slice of pizza. “Confront her. Then throat punch her.”

Esme laughs. “I promised I wouldn’t make things worse. That I wouldn’t cause even more issues. I get a little worked up and irrational and it always comes back to bite me in the ass. So as much as I want to hurt her, it’s probably best I keep my distance from her.”

“Why not just kick her ass out? It’s your place.”

“Because Ovi would freak out and leave. And that’s the worst thing that could happen. He is totally not ready to be away from us. Like I said, he’s twenty but a lot young in some ways.”

“No wonder. If he lost both his parents. That would mess anyone up.”

Esme nods, then finishes her drink and leans down to tend to Addie when she begins to fuss. Placing the handle for the soother between her teeth as she unbuckles the car carrier straps, and then checks for a dirty diaper before lifting her infant daughter to her chest. The contact brings almost instant calm; one hand on the back of her head, the other on her bum, patting gently. “He’s been through a lot,” she says, as she spits the soother into the carrier. “Things I wouldn’t wish on anyone. And he still needs family. Regardless of what this girl says.”

“Sounds like she needs to be put in her place.”

“Oh, she does,” Esme agrees. “And believe me, I’d love to be the one who does it. She had no clue what my life has been like. The things I’ve seen. All the days and weeks I’ve spent worried out of my mind that husband might not come home. So for her to think it’s exciting and fun? I won’t let some delusional little girl try to downplay anything I’ve been through.”

“Well, I don’t know exactly what you’re talking about or what you went through, but you sound like one hell of a strong person.”

“I don’t see myself that way. I did I what I had to do. Right from the beginning. And she’s just childish and ridiculous and I want to shake the shit out of her.”

Declan abandons playing in the sand and makes his way up onto the patio, a pout on his face, heels of his palms rubbing at his eyes.

“Someone is tired,” Esme presses a kiss to his forehead and curls an arm around his waist, helping him up onto her lap. He’s big and strong for his age, but extremely cautious and gentle around his sister; careful not to bump her as he straddles his both of his mother’s thighs, wraps his arms and her neck and lays his head against her chest. “We should get home, baby boy. So you can nap in your own bed and not be a grumpy shit until bedtime.”

Salena gets to her feet and offers assistance, taking Addie and strapping her into the carrier and covering it with a receiving blanket. “Are you going to be okay? Carrying both of them?”

“This isn’t my first rodeo,” Esme laughs. “I used to have to carry twins when they were both his size. At the same time.”

“Well I’m glad you called. I like our little get togethers.”

“So do I. You’ll have to come to my place next. I warn you now, it’s chaos over there. Controlled chaos, but still chaos. It’s crazy and it’s loud and no one ever lasts more than half an hour.”

Salena laughs. “I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

“You haven’t meet the other three. They’re a little….”

“Is that from mom or dad?”

“Dad. Definitely Dad. He’s mellowed out though. He’s found his happy place” she shoves her feet into her flop flops and picks up the baby carrier. “You ready, buddy?” she asks Declan, and he gives a small nod, eyes already closing. “I’m going to take the beach. In case I drop him. He won’t get hurt if he falls on the sand. But you didn’t hear me say that.”

“I heard nothing. I promise.”

They exchange a quick hug and then Esme steps off the patio and begins the journey home.

****

Esme doesn’t wait for the door to fully open before pushing her way inside, startling Chloe who’s answered in nothing more than a bathrobe and her hair wrapped in a towel.

She tosses a handful of mail onto the table by the door, then turns to face the younger woman, arms crossed over her chest. “You and I are going to have a little chat.”

“Just come right in,” Chloe mutters. “Make yourself at home.”

“Technically, this is my home. I own this. And practically everything in it. Neither of you pay to live her, you don’t even buy your own groceries, or do your own laundry half the time. What do you actually pay for? A cell phone bill? Please.”

“So that’s what you’re here for? Going to lay down some rules? Make up a chore responsibility chart and bribe me with snacks to get me to do as I’m told? That may work on your brats, but…”

“You know why I’m here. You thought I’d let you off that easily? That last night would be the end of it?”

“I think you need to mind your own business,” Chloe says, stepping past the smaller woman and aggressively -and intentionally- bumping her shoulder with hers.

Scowling, Esme snags her by the wrist, fingers biting through the flesh. “Ovi is my business. He became my business the second his father…his birth father…signed him over to me. And he’s been my business and in my care for five years. So when you start playing these mind games with him and manipulating him….”

“If anyone is playing mind games with him, it’s you and Tyler. Making him think that he can’t survive without the two of you. That he owes you guys something. Putting it in his head that he wouldn’t be able to handle the job. If anyone is manipulating him, it’s the two of you. Especially him.”

“First of all,” Esme tightens the grip on Chloe’s wrist. “Not once have we ever told Ovi that he couldn’t survive without us. We gave him the option. Stay in Colorado at the house with my brother or come here. He chose to come here. He was the one who said he didn’t want to be away from us. That he wanted to be with his family. And for the record, that didn’t include you. He wasn’t sure if he even wanted you coming along in the first place.”

Chloe frowns. “That’s not true.”

“Oh, it’s very true. He wanted a clean break from Colorado. Just like he wanted a clean break from Mumbai. A chance at a different life. It wasn’t until a week before we left that he asked if you could come along. Telling us how you’d begged and pleaded with him not to leave you behind. You put on some big show about you didn’t want to be without him and how a long-distance relationship would never work and it wasn’t ‘your thing’. You were never included in his plans. Not until you realized you’d never have to work, and you could live off of other people. And now there’s talk about engagement rings and weddings and all this bullshit. From a guy that didn’t even want you coming here? I think it’s safe to say whose idea all that other crap is.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about it. He loves me.”

“He’s in love with the idea of you. And I don’t know what you’re in love with, but it’s definitely not him. You think it’s not obvious? That we can’t see right through you? You act like you can barely stand him touching you half the time. His face lights up when you so as much walk in a room and you don’t even bother to acknowledge him nine times out ten. I’m a woman. Women notice these things. We know what it looks like to look like someone you’re in love with. And that is not the look you have.”

“You have no clue what you’re talking about,” Chloe snarls, and yanks her arm out of Esme’s grasp. “Not all women are like you. We don’t all fall at a man’s feet when he so as much opens his mouth to speak. We’re not all put on this earth to do nothing but worship a man, fuck him, and give him tons of kids.”

“Do you just talk to hear your own voice? Because everything you just said is the biggest bunch of bullshit I’ve heard in a long time. And I’ve heard a lot of bullshit. You think you have what it takes to hurt my feelings? Oh honey, bless your heart. I’ve deal with bigger and better than you and have brought them to their knees.”

“Ovi is going to what he wants. Whether you like or it not.”

Esme smirks. “You mean he’s going to do whatever you tell him to do.”

“That’s your field of expertise, isn’t it,” Chloe counters. “You got Tyler to do exactly what you wanted. He left the job. All because you couldn’t handle it. Because you’re pathetic and weak and…”

“He left because he wanted to. Because he’d had enough. Because he was sick and tired of constantly worrying if he’d see his kids again.”

“And because he’s fucked up in the head. You forgot that part.”

Esme’s eyes narrow. “Don’t you dare talk about him like that. Don’t EVER talk about him like that.”

“It’s true, isn’t it? I mean, he’s on meds, he sees a shrink…”

“He has PTSD you stupid bitch. And do you want to know why? Because he had to go into some goddamn shit hole to save Ovi’s ass. And because he nearly died doing it. If it wasn’t for Tyler, Ovi wouldn’t even be here. So I’d watch the way you speak about him to me. I will not hesitate fucking you right up. You honestly think Ovi would be able to handle the job? Do you even know what the job entails? It isn’t just getting to travel all over the globe and see sights and eat different foods. You’re out there putting your ass on the line…risking your own life….to save someone else’s. You think that’s easy? That it doesn’t come with risks?”

“I think it’s not as bad as you’re making it out be.”

“Oh really,” Esme gives a dry laugh. “So you think killing people is easy? That it doesn’t bother you in some way?”

“Not if they deserve it.”

“It doesn’t work that way. It still bothers you. All that blood on your hands? That’s blood that never washes off. Your conscience can’t be cleaned. That shit stays with you. You don’t ever forget the things you had to resort to. It isn’t just shooting someone and being done with it. Sometimes it’s using your bare hands and it’s brutal and gruesome and it makes you sick to your stomach that you had to resort doing those things. You have no clue what that life is like. And I hope you never have to find out.”

“Well I’m going to,” Chloe remains steadfast. “He’s going to do this. You can’t stop him.”

“We can. You seem to underestimate the power we actually have him over him. Have you ever talked to Ovi about what he went through? What he saw? Ask him about Dhaka. Ask him about the Sultana Kamal Bridge and a man named Saju. Who busted his ass to help and never got to go home to his wife and his little boy. You ask him about Gaspar and Farhad. And then you ask him what it’s like to watch someone get shot in the throat and just about bleed to death in front of you. Ask him and actually listen to what he has to say. Give a shit about him for once.”

“I do give a shit about him,” Chloe argues.

“If you gave a shit about him, you wouldn’t want him doing the job. You’d want him as far away from it as possible. I know what the life is like. I know what it’s like to watch the person you love slowly dying. And I’m not talking physically. That was bad enough. I’m talking mentally. Do you know what that’s like? To watch the person you love more than life itself being destroyed because of their own mind? To hear them talk about wanting to kill themselves? To watch them start turning into some former version of themselves? Because I do. And it’s better now but I still worry about it every goddamn day. Which is why I am begging you not to let Ovi do this. You need to be discouraging him, not encouraging him. Because he may not physically suffer or die, but he will mentally. And sometimes that’s even worse.”

“I just think it would be good for him. That it would be a chance for him to ‘man up’ and…”

“Man up? What the hell is that supposed to mean? He’s somehow less of a man because he isn’t doing the job? That doesn’t even make any sense. Any dick can be taught how to use a gun and take someone down with their bare hands. Some of the biggest dumb asses I know are mercenaries. They can’t string a sentence together but they can kill people. When did killing people become how we measure a man?”

“It would toughen him up.”

“Ovi is plenty tough. Believe me. Everything he’s been through? You’re lucky you have a man that’s as tough as he is. And the next time I hear you say something about my husband being less of a man because he left the job, I will hand you your ass. Because he is everything a man…a real man…should be. It took more strength and more courage for him to walk away and fight for his family than it ever did for him to kill someone. And if you knew anything about what a man should be like, you wouldn’t be talking the shit you do. Trust me. Ovi is a good person. A good man. Just the way he is. And I’m not going to let you destroy him. And there is no way in hell you’re going to get my husband dragged back into that bullshit. So you can fight back all you want, but I’m just going to fight you twice as hard. Don’t underestimate me, little girl. I could have your ass out on the street by dinner time and I wouldn’t even feel the least bit sorry about it.”

“You couldn’t,” Chloe snarls.

“Oh I could. Just watch me. You need to lay off this job shit. Because Ovi is way too good of a person to get into that live and I will not allow you to get my husband dragged back into it. So you fix this. You get this stupid idea out of Ovi’s head. Or you can pack shit right now and leave and find less of a man to put up with your crap.”

“I’m not going to down without a fight you know,” Chloe calls after Esme as she heads for the door. “You don’t know who you’re going up against.”

“Little girl, please. Stay in your lane. You fix this, Chloe. And you fix it ASAP. Or I will have you tossed out on your ass.”

“You have no idea who you’re talking to. Who you’re messing with. Who…”

“What are going to do? Call your ex military daddy up to come here and put me in my place? Fuck you. Chloe. And your stupid goddamn ideas.” And with that, she slams the door behind her.

#tyler rake #tyler rake fan fiction #tyler rake fan fic #chris hemsworth character #best part of me #extraction

9 notes · View notes

ehstarwar · 4 years

Text

the gentler gamester is the soonest winner (1/4)

to sport would be as tedious as to work

"I have a seat thief.” Rey said, clutching the pen harder in her grip.

“A what?”

“A seat thief. Someone who steals my unassigned-assigned seat. It’s been going on all semester in my night class. It’s very frustrating.”

Ben steals Rey's seat in class (a crime akin to high treason) and Rey refuses to go down without a fight.

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 2K

Read on AO3

Notes: this is an experience dear to my heart and i hope all you fellow over-thinkers will agree with me. in fact, Rey's civility about this whole situation requires a lot of self restraint on my part. (so you're welcome, Ben ಠ_ಠ )

Chapter 1: to sport would be as tedious as to work

Rey glanced at the clock for the sixth time this hour.

5:22. Still time… probably.

She didn’t want to seem impatient or like a bad worker, but there was only so much one could do at a coffee counter when no one has been in it for the last hour and a half. She cleaned the espresso machine twice, refilled the sugar packet and every size of cup, even swept behind the counter and in front of it. All of this was supposed to help the time pass until she and Kaydel could close up and head out for the evening, and yet, here she was, still eight minutes to go.

Kaydel glanced at her and pointedly looked down at the pen Rey was incessantly tapping against the register.

“Everything okay?” Kaydel asked. Rey knew that Kaydel was polite and was probably asking this anticipating an ‘Oh, yeah, everything is fine’ then moving on from the conversation all together. But not Rey. She had a grievance to air and Kaydel had unwittingly opened the flood gates.

“I have a seat thief.” Rey said, clutching the pen harder in her grip. Kaydel looked back up at her with a very confused expression that makes Rey wish she had her phone out.

“A what?”

“A seat thief. Someone who steals my unassigned-assigned seat. It’s been going on all semester in my night class. It’s very frustrating.”

“Rey… its October. You’ve been fighting with someone, about a seat, for weeks now?”

Rey gulps. A downside to actually being able to get this off her chest is how unbelievably petty this all sounds out loud.

“It’s a very nice seat; the perfect one! Front row, so I don’t have to worry about seeing the board, right handed table cuz getting stuck at the left handed ones are the worst, and it’s close enough to the door that I don’t get stampeded while trying to make it out in a timely manner. It’s the perfect seat and my seat thief continues to steal it from me because he’s a stupid… seat stealer,” Rey finishes. Kaydel is now looking up at her as if Rey is speaking in a foreign language.

“Okay then… isn’t your night class right across the street? Don’t you get there like super early?” Kaydel asks. Rey throws her hands in the air.

“I do! I get there ridiculously early! But he’s even earlier. Because he’s a criminal mastermind, I assume.”

The alert on Rey’s phone goes off indicating that it’s time to officially close up and head to class, so she works with a honed proficiency and is able to walk out of the doors exactly at 5:37. Rey fast-walks, but doesn’t run (she’s not that crazy) into the building and into the room, only to be met with his dark stare.

Him.

Mr. Seat Thief.

Tall, dark, and criminal.

They’re the only two people in the classroom and Rey wonders if he can feel the simmering rage rolling off her. She hopes he can. She hopes that he feels the daggers she’s throwing with her eyes. She hopes that he knows that, regardless of how stupid hot he is (with that luscious hair and hands that could cover her entire waist), that he is a thief and Rey has some very choice words for him that shouldn’t be spoken in polite society.

His head nods to acknowledge her, and despite Rey’s slight urge to flip him off, she returns the gesture and sits her semi-official seat. It’s towards the back, with a pole obstructing the right side of the board, and one seat over from the furthest to the board. Rey tries to temper down her rage, but the silent class room eats at her.

She’s about to march right up to Hottie McSeat Stealer, but a group of kids file in the class, followed closely by Professor Tano. Rey thinks that yelling obscenities at another student wouldn’t give Professor Tano the good impression she desperately needs every authoritative figure to have of her.

So Rey fights the silent war inside of herself and tries not to focus too much energy on hoping Seat Thief’s pencil breaks.

“Rey, your class isn’t until six; why the hell would you leave now?” Finn asks, incredulous.

“Rey is sort of fighting this dude for her seat. She thinks she has to get there an hour early to beat him in this game of musical chairs,” Rose’s voice is level and filled with none of the mirth Rey’s definitely would. She imagines that this is what it would feel like if she had a mother who was uninterested in her endeavors, but still knew enough about them to warn her father.

“It isn’t a game. I’m winning my seat back. I won’t be able to focus if I don’t,” Rey says determinedly. She wraps another scarf around her neck before turning to face her friends. Finn is giving Rey the same look Kaydel gave her last week. Rose is flipping through a text book and ignoring the inane argument that feels inevitable now.

“Rey-Rey, aren’t you a little old to be fighting a boy about a seat?” Poe’s voice calls out from the bathroom.

“Why don’t you pay more attention to the amount of gel you put in your hair instead of my battle,” Rey calls back. She hears an incredulous gasp from behind the door and smirks to herself.

“Poe’s got a point. Have you considered talking to him and asking him to move before declaring all out war?” Finn asks.

“And say what? ‘I know we’re both at the collegiate level, but please get out of my seat because I’m about to have a temper tantrum akin to a four-year-old who was told it’s time for bed’? The only way to fight this is like adults. Passive-Aggressive comments until one of us kill the other or graduate. And I’m unwilling to wait until May for this to be over so… passive-aggressiveness will have to do,” Rey stalks towards the door, ignoring the protest from her friends and heads out to her night class a while hour and a half before six.

It’s going to be a long night.

The classroom is blessedly empty when Rey arrives and she has the pleasure of taking her rightful place in her seat. She’d gloat to anyone who asked, but she was alone and not crazy enough to talk to people who weren’t there (in public at least).

Thirty minutes before the start of class, a dethroned, no-longer-seat stealer enters the door way. His eyes are wide when he sees Rey in (what he thinks should be) his seat. She’s got a shit eating grin, typing away on her laptop, and trying to repress the urge to shout ‘Ha! In your face!’

Instead of move his defeated self to the seat she now thinks of as the loser seat, he sits right. next. to. her.

An empty class room. Roughly seventy-five seats.

Just them. Next to each other.

Mortal enemies. Thrust into strangely intimate quarters.

It’s… a lot.

Rey thinks this would be easier if he weren’t so beautiful. If his hair didn’t fall so perfectly in his face. If his plush lips didn’t look like they could suck the life right out of her. Easier, Rey thinks.

As it stands, Seat Stealer opens his expensive laptop and Rey finds herself wanting to see what he’s typing. Just to see if he’s keeping a physical list of the times he’s won and the times she’s won, but that’s ridiculous. He is an adult and so is she and keeping a juvenile record of whose won would be insane.

(Rey keeps her tally on the second to last page of her notebook.)

Instead, Rey hold steady, keeping her attention firmly on her own laptop and biding the time until class starts. Student begin to file in and it’s almost possible for Rey to forget the strange man beside her.

Almost.

Because of course he smells amazing; like fancy coffee beans and soap products that Gwyneth Paltrow would rave about and warm. Rey doesn’t think she’s ever met a person who smells warm before, but he did. And it was unnerving and a little scary, so Rey really can’t fault herself for having to re-read the same sentence thirteen times.

His hands are also massive and Rey is decidedly not going to think about what he could do with them.

Seat Stealer is stoic, dutifully typing away, none the wiser to Rey’s internal clusterfuck that is her brain.

Dr. Tano comes in and starts the lesson, and Rey is finally able to focus on something other than Seat Stealer and she’s honestly considering writing the English department and telling them they need to give her a rise. While English isn’t Rey’s favorite subject, it’s the lesser evil of the humanities the university is forcing her to take and she actually finds that she enjoys it. The depth of the conversations, the possibilities within writing; it’s complex and individually based and a world away from the math equations that take up the majority of her civil engineering course work.

Class is going perfectly fine, even better now that Rey is back in her seat until Dr. Tano decides to drop a little bomb on Rey’s seat-reclaiming venture.

“As you all know, midterm grades will be released this coming Monday. I’m sure many of you will have questions about comments, and while I’m happy to answer any questions, I do ask that you contact my assistant Ben about more clerical information. He’s read quite a bit of my chicken scratch before, so I’m sure he could answer any question you have as well…” Dr. Tano moves her hand to indicate where Ben is, or rather should be, but is in fact occupied by Rey.

Seat Stealer (or Ben) raises his hand sheepishly to show that he is the one people should come to with question and no the red-faced, sweaty blob that Rey has devolved into.

Dr. Tano wraps up class and students begin filing out the door, paying no mind that Rey was not the first one out despite her proximity to the exit, a once thought of benefit to this particular seat. She waits until the majority of students have left or lined up to speak with Dr. Tano, before she even dares to look at him.

Ben is packing up, placing his things delicately in a bag that probably cost the same as a semesters worth of tuition. Rey decides she must right this wrong. If she doesn’t do it now, she will absolutely chicken out and Hottie-Seat-Stealer-Ben will forever think of her as the poor girl who stole his seat on the wrong day.

“You were stealing my seat because your the TA… and TA’s sit up front…” Rey says to him. She would typically start with a bit more normal greeting (Hi! or Hello! or I’d like to see you shirtless or pant-less or both), but feels that their predicament merits forgoing that courtesy.

“I’m sorry?” He says, looking over to her. God, his voice.

“You were sitting her because you’re the TA,” She repeats. Ben shrugs as if to say ‘sort of’ before shaking his head.

“It’s really no big deal, it’s just convent for Ashoka- Sorry, Dr. Tano. I think she just got kind of used to me being right there. But, again, no big deal,” Ben says. She want’s to thank him for being so incredibly blasé about the whole thing, but Rey, being Rey, can’t let it go.

“You really should have told me to bugger off. I mean, I ended up being the Seat Thief I assumed you were! I really am sorry.”

“‘Seat Thief’?” He questions, lips upturned in the corner. “I don’t think you could steal something that doesn’t actually belong to me.”

Rey’s cheeks are red, she’s sure of it. “Well, regardless, I apologize. I completely relinquish all seat-beholden right to you. For the semester, at least,” Rey laughs nervously. The slight twitch of Ben’s lips have formed into a broad smile and Rey now regrets the silent time she’s wasted on him earlier. They could’ve talked and she could’ve heard his voice and maybe have even made him smile, but no. She spent it without doing any of those things and she wants to punch herself for letting that happen.

“I appreciate that. But I still don’t think I’d ever tell you to bugger off,” Ben says.

“Well… good then. Thank you,” Rey says, looking towards the ground to hide the smile pinching her cheeks. “As an apology, I’ll save you seat for you next class. Make sure no other Seat Thieves intrude.”

“That’d be kind of you,” His voice is low and sweet and Rey wants to swim in it. “I’ll… see you around…?” Ben extends a hand towards her.

“Rey… Niima,” Rey says, taking his hand. It’s large and firm around her and Rey knows why he smells warm; he is warm. Deliciously so.

“Ben Solo.”

#ben solo #kylo ren #reylo #ben solo x rey #kylo ren x rey #adam driver #daisy ridley #star wars #fan fiction #my work #modern setting

12 notes · View notes

venus-says · 4 years

Text

Kamen Rider Amazons Season 1

They're Here...And They're Hungry.

When I decided it was time to get back with the blog I knew that eventually at some point I would have to get back to the previous Kamen Rider series that I haven't watched, but I didn't want to come back to a full season of 50 episodes or so right away, I wanted something that would be a bit easier to do more or less just so that I could have time to prepare more posts ahead since to catch up with the time wasted I would have to start to release posts for Precure and Rider back-to-back and doing that without preparing would be a nightmare. And that's how I decided to watch Amazons now instead of doing it in a distant future after I had watched Amazon, as I had originally planned.

And talking about Amazons is a funny thing because back in last year before I decided I would jump head first in the Rider franchise I watched a lot of those "Where to start watching *insert huge franchise here*" videos and all of them always mentioned how Amazons was a different season because it was aimed at a much older audience and that it was dark, and serious, and very violent, and there was this aura that was created around this show and the Amazon from the 70s, and it was something I was really curious about, I'd say Amazon and Amazons were probably the things I was looking forward to watching the most.

And well... what I got from this show wasn't exactly that? Like, I was expecting something way more gruesome, but what I got was just another regular Kamen Rider season that has some CGI blood on it, it wasn't anything special, you know? The impression it gave me was that they gathered a bunch of boys and asked them what they considered to be "adult-like" and they took all the suggestions mixed them in this show and then they added a blue/gray filter on it to give it a ~serious~ vibe. They didn't even were that violent to be honest, outside of very few specific scenes we don't see anything that is too far from what Kamen Rider already does, and whenever it goes beyond it end up looking more gross rather than violent because they use a black/green-ish slimy blood for the monsters, who are the ones who suffer from this extra violence the most, and even then their blood usually is covering the screen making it hard for us to see whatever it is that is going on the screen. In other words, it was doing the cool for the cool.

Does that make it a bad show? Eh... not really? I mean, I understand it if someone doesn't like it because there's indeed not a lot to the show, but I enjoyed it. It wasn't anything that I loved, but it also didn't get me bored or utterly annoyed at the show. It was underwhelming, yes, which I believe is the reason of why this review will end up making this post be shorter than it should be considering I'm covering an entire season at once, but it more or less kept me entertained for a few hours so it wasn't an awful experience.

I think the biggest disappointment of this show is that it's always trying to raise interesting concepts, but they never commit with any of them and this kinda makes the show feels like it's hollow, like there's no proper theme at its core. And being honest, the biggest problem here isn't even that it feels like this show is about nothing, but the fact that they try to do an ethical discussion about life, and what lives are worth saving or not, but it was never an actual discussion, at least it never gave me that impression, what I was seeing was character A making X argument, and character B making Y argument, but they never have an actual conversation so characters A and B don't change at all and they just keep hanging to those arguments until the end. The whole rivalry between Omega and Alpha feels like this to me, it's supposed to show two different sides and they more or less end up at the same point where they started. Now that I think about it, it sounds a lot like Gaim... which is making me question my feelings for that season now... well that's not important now.

Like I always do I intended to dedicate a separate section to go through the characters, but as I was going through each one of them I realized they're not very interesting and I wouldn't have much to say about them so I'll just go briefly on what I think saved this show for me that was the side characters.

Okay, not all of them are good, but we had a few gems in this cast. I especially like Nanaha and how her relationship with Jin plays out in the show, of course, there's still a bit of that old Rider writing for women where she's more or less just an accessory for Jin, but they managed to make her personality still shine despite that which makes me fully believe she truly loves Jin and she does all that she does of her own choice (or at least I like to believe that). I also really like the pest control team, yeah they kinda end up merging into a single entity at some point, but I like having them there, especially for Mamoru who's a very interesting character, and one of the few ones of this show that actually goes through an arc (that go me quite emotional because I like the little dude and seeing him losing himself to the amazon cells was REALLY HARD), but that was sadly not used to its full potential (yes, I'm salty they called episode 13 "M" but instead of focusing on Mamoru they decided to focus in the pointless fight between Haruka and Jin).

Now the last thing I have comments to make about is the suits and the designs. Not gonna lie, it feels weird to have this section here because as I mentioned the show has this awful color filter on to make it look like something more dark and serious so I don't know if what we're seeing in terms of colors looks exactly with what they wanted during the conception and production phase, but overall I like the designs for both Riders and Amazons. I have a frustration with Omega's suit because they tried to make it something more modern and sleek but when they did that they lost all the charm of the original Kamen Rider Amazon that was left to be implemented more in Alpha and Sigma's suits, and I would be more okay with his design if they hadn't shown us his more primal form, that actually looks like Amazon, and that look more interesting than it's final design. Of our 3 riders, my favorite in terms of looks is Alpha, both because it has the iconic piranha imagery and also because it's color is such a vibrant red that even with the awful filter over it makes it stand out a lot and I love this. I feel like, in the end, poor Sigma got the short end of the stick here since his design is pretty much just a recolor from Alpha, but considering his plotline was pretty much useless it makes sense they wouldn't put that much effort on it. I feel like I don't talk much about the accessories in these but I really like Omega's weapons that come out from the handles on its belt, I think it's a pretty clever idea and it's cool as heck seeing him pull a spear and a whip out of that belt, it's sad it's not used all that much... I think it's used only once in the fight on the roof of that apartment and it never shows up again, which is just a tragedy.

You know, now that I mentioned it, I really like the different ideas they came up with for Amazons that were hunting their prey. I love that bus plot, the apartment building that is an ant colony was very fun, and the restaurant that cooks humans in a "civilized" way was also pretty good, it reminded me of the iZombie TV show where in one of the seasons the villain starts to run like a catering service in a similar fashion.

And I believe that's all I have to say about the first season of Amazons, it feels like I've left a lot of things out but most of those things didn't feel worthy of commenting on, it would more or less just me listing up all the events and I believe that's not what you all are here for. In any case, these were my thoughts on Amazons season 1, I'll watch season 2 and it should be my next review on the Kamen Rider seasons, but for now, let me know what do you think of this season. Do you love it? Do you hate it? Write it down in the comments. Stay healthy, stay safe, never stop resisting, thank you so much for reading, and until the next time. See-ya~

#Kamen Rider Amazons #kamen rider

3 notes · View notes

shirtlesssammy · 5 years

Text

10x02: Reichenbach

June 21st, 2003:

A boy wakes from sleep to hear a fight happening in his house. He finds his dad brutally murdered downstairs. As he cries over the body, we see a de-aged Dean Winchester walk in the room with a bloody knife. (Like, what a weird thing to spend money on, idk)

Cut to (UGH) Cole (UGH) who was that boy. He’s telling his tale to a tied up Sam. He’s going to kill Dean. Sam tells him that “Dean isn’t Dean right now.” Cole is getting high off of thinking about his revenge so there’s no talking to him. Sam tells him that Dean had his reasons for killing his dad. There are monsters out there.

(UGH) Cole (UGH) thinks he’s talking about human monsters (of which there are many) but Sam tells him REAL monsters. Cole keeps calling Sam the psycho but then puts on gloves and pulls out a hammer. UGH.

Killdeer, North Dakota

Our Demon Dean Bean is enjoying the view (and touching without consent..smh). He throws money on the ground for the exotic dancer and she’s less than impressed and starts to walk away. He grabs her again and this time the bouncer stops him. Dean headbutts him and we’re suddenly watching (UGH) Cole (UGH) beat up Sam. I’m going to be honest, smart editing makes recapping hard. :D Cole continues to demand where Dean is. Dean continues to wale on the bouncer. Dudes at the bar are not stopping him --like, holy fuck, stop him, assholes! He stops himself, finishes his drink, and leaves.

(UGH) Cole (UGH) continues to torture Sam, but he doesn’t realize that he’s dealing with Sam Fucking Winchester. That boy is a badass and he will NOT break. Cole’s just about to break Sam’s kneecap when his phone rings. It’s his wife so he answers and walks away, leaving his keys and a knife on the ground.

Outside the strip club, Dean runs into Crowley.

For Dear God Dunk Me Under That Running Water Science:

Cas is on the road with Hannah and his fake grace is failing him. She heals a wound of his and he thanks her but tells her she can go. She’s staying. She wants to help. That makes Cas laugh. It’s just so very human of her. (HANNAH)

Cas gets a call from Sam. He has a lead on Dean and tells Cas to head to North Dakota. Sam then drops the bomb that Dean is a demon.

Cas and Hannah head out to meet Sam. Hannah doesn’t see the point in helping the Winchesters. Cas sees otherwise. They’re his friends. (Blarf...this is season 10. One more season and he’ll be living in the bunker and he’ll be family and I just can’t take it.) Cas is not ok and starts to nod off while driving, and they crash. #RipPimpMobile

Dean and Crowley are at a bar. Crowley asks Dean how he’s doing, knowing full well that he’s not doing that great. He needs to kill. Crowley offers him a deal that he can’t refuse --kill for him.

Crowley has a list. First up: Mindy Morris. She cheated on her husband and then asked for a divorce. Lester, the husband, would rather sell his soul than give up his money. Mindy’s going to die. Dean agrees.

Cas and Hannah have the car towed to a car repair shop. The extra nice mechanic invites them into her home. Hannah is not used to this human condition and it’s kinda cute. She also doesn’t get human humor. Also cute. Cas is so out of it, he doesn’t register the exchange. They head inside. Hannah heads to find food for Cas (wait, with his fading grace, does he need to eat?) and returns to the living room to find Cas zonked out on the couch.

Dean stalks Mindy Morris’s house and just as he’s about to go in to do his job, he sees Lester pull up. He goes to have a chat with Lester. Pro tip: Not a great idea to be at the scene of the crime when the crime is happening. Dean tells Lester that he can’t really blame Mindy for stepping out. “She’s a North Dakota Eight. You’re a Four and a half max.”

Wanna see a Hollywood Ten:

Also, Lester was already cheating on Mindy (UGH). Demon Dean maybe learned a thing between the no consent touching and this moment, because he ain’t buying the shit that Lester is selling. He punches him. Lester tells Dean that he works for him now and he needs to get in that house and do his job. Uh, demon or no, don’t tell Dean “Free Will” Winchester what to do; He’s going to do the opposite. Dean guts him with the First Blade. Oops.

Sam’s at the Angelz Strip Club (LOLOLOLOLOLOL, Dean wishes it was one angel --I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. But also, wtf? Is it because he’s a demon, and irony?) He’s talking with the bouncer. They exchange war stories. Sam asks the bouncer to call him (or Lemmy Kilmister at least) if he sees Dean again. Meanwhile, (UGH) Cole (UGH) lurks and follows Sam as he drives away.

The next morning, Cas wakes to Looney Tunes (god, I love this running theme through Andrew Dabb episodes) and a little girl who has the most fascinating dreams about snot and rockets. Epic.

She offers Cas some of her cereal and he accepts. IT’S ADORABLE, PEOPLE. (A thousand Cas with small child fics were born, I’m sure.) The mechanic and Hannah watch and smile and all is right with the world. The mechanic tells Hannah their car is ready. And then she tells her that she’s got a great guy. (Lol, he’s already taken. Hannah learned that little factoid last season.)

Meanwhile Crowley’s in hell (seewhatididthere) while a demon explains to him how to make Hell more efficient. Sam calls Crowley, but Interrupting!Dean (‘cause he’s a demon, I guess) strolls in very proud of himself for killing Lester. When Crowley chews him out for it, Dean shoves him to the ground with his little demon head-tilt. Crowley rather insightfully sums it up: Dean’s a li’l bit human and a li’l bit demon.

Instead of cowering in fear, Dean’s supremely unimpressed by the King of Hell. He informs Crowley that they’re not “besties” and that he’ll come around when he needs someone new to kill. “It's over,” Crowley decrees. “What can I say? Crazy ones...well, they're good for a fling. But they're not relationship material.” It’s okay, Crowley. Breakups are hard!

In sunny angel-land, Hannah takes over driving for Cas who is looking awful. Listen, I don’t often fantasize about swaddling grown men and spoon feeding them soup but Cas! BBY! You look like hammered crap.

Crowley finds Moose and tells him where to find Squirrel. The Mark of Cain’s a PIA and he’d rather be shot of Dean altogether.

Cas wakes up in the parked car to find Hannah gone. She went up to Heaven to speak to Metatron in jail. Careful! He’s a tricksy devil. She tries to interrogate Metatron for the whereabouts of the last remnants of Cas’s grace. Oh, sure! Coming right up.

Metatron says he’ll barter Cas’s grace for sweet freedom. Hannah’s about to bite when Cas arrives.

Cas approaches angrily and tells Hannah not to do it. “I've made deals born of desperation, and they always end in blood and tears.”

Castiel doesn’t want to be saved like that. Hannah reluctantly agrees and walks off. Metatron leaves Cas with a parting shot: there’s just enough of his grace to save him. “Keep it,” Cas tells him. “I’ve made peace with my fate.” OKAY BUT we haven’t. Just so you know.

Metatron decides to make a really compelling argument for freeing him. He’ll escape one day and then...kill everybody. How fun and well-adjusted. He taunts Castiel as he leaves: “Dead man walking!”

On Earth, Dean pensively plays the piano?????????? Bored with piano practice, he pulls out the First Blade and slices his hand, then watches it heal up while Crowley’s advice to choose between the two natures echoes in his head. Sam approaches. (Aaaaand musical number time. Sing him a song, Dean!)

Dean picks up the blade and stalks over to the bar. Sam suggests a nice, civilized trip home to do the demon cure. For some reason, demon Dean isn’t into that plan. He confesses that he’d like to rip Sam’s throat out with his TEETH which is...certainly an image.

Sam expresses his unending loyalty: it doesn’t matter what Dean might have done as a demon. He just wants him home. Dean laughs at him but his mirth gets interrupted by a smoke bomb going off. When Sam stumbles outside the bar, he’s met with (UGH) Cole (UGH). Cole knocks Sam “The Head Injury” Winchester out.

Cole meets Dean at last, who roundly mocks him for not killing Sam already. Cole dramatically announces who he is to Dean. Dun dun DUN. He’s the son of a man you killed decades ago who has since grown into a completely different looking adult! I mean, come on, Dean. Work on your facial recognition here. Dean apologizes - all those dead people over the years have blurred together.

Dean taunts Cole, telling him to shoot him already. (Side note: as much as I dislike demon Dean, he really plays up his eyes nicely in these scenes.)

For Eye Crinkle Science:

They fight. Dean reminds me of a cat toying with a mouse. “What did you think was gonna happen, huh? You just stroll up here and say “my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die,” And I'd just roll over? Well, that's just… It makes me sad.”

(UGH) Cole (UGH) cuts Dean, who heals before his eyes. He demon-flashes him.

Dean starts beating Cole within an inch of his life but hesitates… Sam takes that opportunity to toss holy water onto Dean and slap on those warded cuffs. You got ‘im, Sammy! Good work.

Later, Sam hands the first blade over to Crowley for safe keeping (and WOW about that, really).

(UGH) Cole (UGH) apparently headed straight to the public library after his little prize fight and, still bloodied and barely standing, asks the librarian for every book she has on demons. Please, Cole, demon and witchcraft books always get stolen within the first month on the shelf.

Back at the bar, Crowley enjoys his froofy drink and fondles the First Blade while thinking of his ex. And then we get a close-up of his phone. It’s a photo of Dean and Crowley wearing cowboy hats and being dorks together. Over the scene, the song “Lonely girl” plays. I CAN’T EVEN WITH THIS.

Sam drives Dean home to the bunker. Dean refers to Baby as “just a car” and we all die a little inside. Sam has hope, though. He chose not to kill Cole. Dean just smiles. He didn’t give (UGH) Cole (UGH) mercy...he handed him his destroyed pride on a platter. “That ain’t mercy. That’s the worst thing I coulda done to ‘im.” He then promises to visit more of his anti-mercy on Sam.

______________________________

Quote it Again, Sam:

Sam and Dean may be a bit rough around the edges but they’re the best men I’ve ever known.

I understand the three beans, but what’s the surprise?

What is this, a lifetime movie?

______________________________

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spn recap #spn rewatch #spn 10x02 #reichenbach #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #cas #crowley #hannah

39 notes · View notes

of-nodus-tollens · 4 years

Text

Those Who Matter

Summary: Tony may not have the best childhood, but that does not mean he is without people who matter. (An AU look back at the people in Tony's life who made a difference).

Word Count: 5892 | Rating: General | Pairings: None | AO3

A/N: This is me getting back into fanfiction to deal. This was written a while ago but I’m starting to expand on it so posting on here to hopefully force me to type up four notebooks worth of stories. This is a self-indulgent fic - Lucy is my OC and my way of exploring the mcu. Not beta’d so apologies for grammatical errors.

Tony was 4 when he believed achievements was the way to gain his father’s affection. So he built his first circuit board, using scraps from his father’s discarded pile. If he found the wires and mechanics were easier to comprehend than the nuances of human interaction, he was too young to understand it. The times Howard had taken the time to talk to him were about work and Captain America’s achievements, so Tony thought it was time he did something his father would be proud of… but Howard barely glanced at the complex mechanism before brushing Tony away, failing to see the heartbreak in his child’s eyes or the smoldering heap in the garden the day after.

~*~

The Starks’ were busy people unless you are a child, in which case you get left behind a lot. With his parents' absence, Tony found solace in the only adult who would listen to him - Jarvis. And it wasn’t because it was his job, as he seemed genuinely interested in what Tony said and does, helping him with his projects. Plus it helped that he treated him like an adult, despite offering him milk and cookies.

~*~

Tony was two months shy of his seventh birthday when he built a V8 motorbike engine. Impressed and awed, Jarvis helped him put together the outer body, painting it royal blue with gold accents. On the day of his birthday, Jarvis presented him with a helmet with matching colours and allowed him to ride it in the sizable driveway on the condition it is only to be used under his watchful eye and out of sight of his father, to which Tony readily agreed.

~*~

School had never been Tony’s strong suit, not because he’s not intelligent but because it bored him to tears. He was mouthy, proud, and wore his arrogance as an armour when the looks and whispers came his way. He’s different, his mind constantly on the run while everyone menders behind. It’s exhausting and lonely. So he talked to himself, to his work, to the familiar doorway as he is ushered out of his father’s presence, to the bland smile on his mother’s face… maybe someday, someone will talk back.

~*~

Maria Stark was not your conventional mother. Then again, the Starks are not your typical family. She’s a socialite who balances out her husband’s brashness and arrogance with politeness and diplomacy. And while the public was surprised by Howard’s move to settle, Maria was the partner he needed to keep him steadfast. The perfect wife, a struggling mother. She at least tries, even when she least wanted to and there’s no doubt she cares, asking after her son even as she wearily toes off her heels at the door. She listens but forgets, humming her response in lieu of answering questions and employed material possessions in place of emotional support.

~*~

Tony ran away from home when he was ten, having been told for the umpteenth time how useless and selfish he is by his father. A whisky bottle thrown in his general direction aided his decision. It wasn’t planned and he was hardly prepared, as evidenced by his lack of shoes but that was the last thing on his mind. He was certain he would not be missed when a car pulled up next to him on the dark, empty road. The passenger door popped open.

Aunt Peggy was one of the few people that Tony respected, so he clambered into the car while she waited silently behind the wheel. Tony waited expectantly for the lecture as she drove but it never came. Instead of home, she drove to a diner where the bright lights chased away the darkness. Aunt Peggy bought a banana split for him and a cup of coffee for herself. This was not what he expected, sitting in a rag-tag diner in the middle of the night, with muddied feet and blood-shot eyes.

“Stop staring, it’s unbecoming.”

Tony snapped his eyes away and started slowly into his ice-cream. Half-way through, Aunt Peggy helped herself to some too.

“Aren’t you going to yell at me?” Tony finally demanded.

Aunt Peggy raised an eyebrow, looking almost offended. “And what will that achieve?”

“Just tell me what I already know, that I’m a waste of time and space, that I’ll never be like Captain America and that I’ll amount to nothing.”

Aunt Peggy finished off her spoonful before setting down her spoon and dabbing her lips with a napkin. She planted her hands before her and fixed him with a hard look. “Anthony Edward Stark, I will only say this once so listen carefully. Just because your father is an idiot, does not mean you get to be one too. He may have many problems but you are not one of them, no matter what he says. Stand up and be brilliant. If you let people continue to tell you what you are, you will not get anywhere. We need to be our own heroes and not imprints of someone else. Do I make myself clear?”

Her expression left no room for argument. “Yes ma’am.”

“Good. Now it’s quite late. Let’s get you home.”

Once home, Aunt Peggy left Tony in Jarvis’ capable hands, turning down his proffered cup of England’s finest in favour of “business to attend to”. Sharp steps found its way to Howard's office, the snap of the door, then the dulcet tone of her voice echoed through the mansion.

“So yelling does help.” Tony quipped when Aunt Peggy stepped out of her father’s study an hour later.

“Only when the recipient does not listen,” she replied, smoothing down her blouse and entirely unruffled.

“Thank you, Aunt Peggy.” It was heartfelt and sincere. Tony ran off before Aunt Peggy can respond.

~*~

Lucy is a mass of black curls, sharp edges, perpetual scowls and invisible scars. She is the result of Howard’s past indiscretions, a secret hidden in plain sight, a responsibility shoved onto others as a form of goodwill, for the Jarvis’ had always wanted a child.

(Tony wondered if he would be in the same position if not for his mother).

He was sworn to secrecy - the family’s reputation and business on the line. If the request came from anyone but his mother, he was not sure he would have agreed. As it is, he was amazed he was allowed to spend part of his summer vacation with the Jarvis’.

His intentions were not entirely innocent - part curiosity and part vindictiveness at finding proof to put a hole in his father’s holier-than-thou image.

The Jarvis’ live on a ranch (Maria Stark’s family ranch to be exact), a dream of Ana’s since childhood, complete with horses and stables and more green space than Tony knew what to do with. But the Jarvis’ put him to good use, fixing equipment and improving the machinery. It was good to feel useful and appreciated as Ana fussed over him.

Unsurprisingly, Lucy resented his presence, going out of her way to stay out of his way. Admittedly, Tony might have laid on his Stark-ness a little thick, showing off in an effort to ensure he would not be another passerby. It never occurred to him that she would be jealous, not for being him or the fact that he’s a Stark, but of his relationship with the Jarvis’.

Tony has never hit a girl before but that was before Lucy tackled him and then they were brawling in the hay and god knows what else, fists and hay flying, the horses' protests adding to the cacophony of their incoherent yells.

It ended in a splash of cold water, both literally and metaphorically, when Tony saw Jarvis’ face and realised he may have failed one of the few people who cared about him.

They were separated and tended to - bruises and scratches and what will be an impressive shiner on Tony’s face. There was confusion and anger and disappointment too but… “You have never and will never fail me, Tony. I know your heart and that is what matters.”

Tony remained quiet, unsure if this comment would be whipped away at a moment’s notice or safe to use as a balm to soothe the cracks in his heart. But Jarvis’ hand on his shoulder told him this was his to keep.

There was a new calm in the air now the storm has passed. Tony wasn’t sure what was said to Lucy for she was now civil and her glares had dulled around the edges.

It probably helped that Tony has stopped pushing her buttons.

Howard showed up two weeks short of his stay. Things must not have gone well at the meet for he was particularly ferocious with Tony. It was nothing he hasn’t heard before, a tape played so frequently on repeat that Tony had it carved behind his eyelids. Maybe because it was the disruption to the peace that Tony had found here but he bit back, words of hurt and anger flung as weapons.

Lucy found him sitting on the barrels behind the barn, fuming at the open fields. She had a rifle slung across her back and another in her hands which she wordlessly held out to him.

Tony blinked. “Are we going to have a battle to the death?”

He was graced with an eye roll. “Don’t be dramatic.”

“That may be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“If you’re going to be difficult, I’ve got better things to do.”

He jumped off the barrel with all the vitality of a 13-year-old and took the proffered weapon. She led him to the outer fields where cans lined a crooked fence before giving him a thorough drill on firearm safety and showing him the basics on operating the gun (filled with blanks of course). A quick demonstration showed off her prowess. Tony hit the fence and the air several times before he tagged his target with a satisfactory clang. He grinned.

“Not bad, kid.”

“I’m only 2 years younger than you.”

“Not bad, brat.” She took another can down. “But brats don’t deserve to be treated so poorly.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” A beer bottle flew backwards.

“That’s why we’re here, and why I’m probably going to have my head handed to me if we get found.”

“The Jarvis’... your parents, they’re cool.”

There was a pause in which Tony waited for Lucy to accept the olive branch he was offering - an apology and acknowledgement.

“They are. You’re welcome to borrow them once in a while, but you gotta return them at the end of the day.”

Tony smirked. “Deal.”

(They did get caught but Tony took full responsibility. They were let off the hook with full night duties and knowing looks.)

~*~

Having a nanny at 14 is still a sore point for Tony. Not only that, but she’s also a small-time thief, taking items from the household and snooping around, constantly trying to get into Howard’s study to no avail.

Even worse, Tony is now stuck with her for 3 days whilst his parents visit Germany on a business trip.

He was woken up on the second night by a tapping on his window and Lucy hanging off his window ledge.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded, then “How did you get here?”

“Helping a lad in distress. I heard about your nanny troubles.”

Tony groaned. This is about as flattering as it can get. “And what are you going to do about it?”

Lucy had a plan. It took the rest of the night to set it up and half of the next day snooping around and ensuring Lucy wouldn’t be found (“I took a break from a sleepover. They were wasting perfectly good cucumbers.”)

The end result had the nanny screaming from the house, babbling something about ghosts and a haunted house.

Back inside the house, or more specifically, Howard’s study, an empty television crackled merrily, an illusion still in effect. Lucy peered out from her hiding spot on the balcony, while Tony sat on the floor in his ghostly apparition get-up, a big grin on his face.

(Tony denied all knowledge of what happened as his father questioned him, claiming he was in bed and yes, his study has always been locked and no, he has not seen any ghosts, there are no such things.)

~*~

MIT came knocking and Tony received an early acceptance into one of the most prestigious schools where his intelligence was appreciated by his peers, rather than scoffed at.

Still, he kept his guard up, learning from an early age that appearances are deceiving, The Stark name carried a certain grandeur and value, and with it jealousy and those who seek to use it for their own gain.

So he kept up an easy facade of sarcasm and humour, building his charisma and charm. He partied (and drank where he could) and still passed everything with flying colours.

~*~

Honestly, he should have learnt by now that his confidence will get him into trouble. Being the youngest and the smartest can rub people the wrong way, especially for those who enjoy a certain stature.

He had been attempting to keep his drinking to a minimum by keeping busy but there was only so much he can do before the emptiness around him spurs him out, lest he even tries to call home.

The local watering hole was never short of people and before he could change his mind, Tony was enveloped in a group that he pretty sure despised him. But it seems alcohol changes much of that as they pushed more and more drinks onto him until he started agreeing to the most obscene things like making a cocktail explosion.

If he weren’t so drunk, he would have felt the solid presence behind his back before the voice spoke. And even then, it was like a delayed transmission to his brain as he struggled to stop the room spinning.

“Kid, are you alright? Are these guys bothering you?”

“Not a kid,” Tony mumbled.

“If you’re here visiting someone, I can take you to them.”

Tony shook his head which was a very bad, not good idea.

“Dude, relax, he’s with us.” one of the guys laughed.

“He shouldn’t be here.”

The voice grew louder. “You want to know who shouldn’t be here? You and your kind.”

More words were traded and a scuffle ensued. Tony's inebriated mind processed everything in slow motion.

“Hey, back off!” It took a moment for Tony to realise that those words came from him and he was suddenly standing, but the ground refused to stay still.

(Decades later, during his best man’s speech, Rhodey will fondly recall the moment that a very drunk Tony knocked himself out in an attempt to defend him. But the way Tony remembers it, was that Rhodey had his back first.)

~*~

It seemed like the unlikeliest of friendships - the straight-laced duty-bound future colonel, with a smart-ass, crazy, rich playboy. But Rhodey never judged, he took Tony the way he is and went with it, occasionally steering him back in the relatively right direction.

And Tony found, between Rhodey and Lucy, school was actually quite enjoyable, if not for educational purposes.

~*~

Rhodey and Lucy’s initial meeting was far from ideal.

Living only an (in)convenient 10 minutes away from Tony at Tufts University, Lucy became Tony’s designated driver by default. He should not be drinking, of that everyone agrees but unless there is someone tethered to him, his actions were his own. So Lucy did the next best thing and made sure someone was there for him on the condition that nights like this only occurs once a month. More often than not, she would show up in her pyjamas, study notes in hand and Twizzler in mouth as she bundled Tony into her vehicle.

So after one of those nights in which Tony managed to convince Rhodey to take a break after midterms, Tony woke up to his head being blown apart by the scream of death. Apparently, opera is a very good form of torture.

“Turn it off! Turn it off!”

By the time the request was heeded, Tony was sure blood was leaking from his ears.

“It’s not, but given how I might not even pass my exam at this point, I may not be the best person to ask.”

How passive aggressive, Tony thought.

“You know you’re speaking out loud right? And I have full control of the music.”

Tony groaned, peeling one gummy eye open to see Lucy sitting cross-legged on the bed, chewing lazily upon her favourite confectinary, “Goose, have mercy.”

“Is this going to be a thing now? Having your honey bear tag along?”

“I’m not his honey bear,” Rhodey mumbled from beside him.

“I’ve got photographic evidence,” she sounded entirely too gleeful for Tony’s liking as she waved said evidence before him. Closer inspection of the Polaroid revealed him and Rhody entwined with one another on their current mattress.

“Looks like she’s outed us, honey buns.”

“I hate you,” Rhodey groaned, then directed his unfocused gaze to Lucy, “And I don’t know you but I hate you too.”

“Now that’s what you call gratitude. You guys better hope I pass this exam or this picture is going public.”

She nudged Tony with her foot on her way out. “Water and aspirin are on the bedside table and you better be gone before I get back. Apparently, I’m getting enough action on the rumour mill without adding another person to the mix.”

“Help me out here, I’m not sure whether I should be disgusted or pleased for you.”

The answering slam of the door was unnecessarily ferocious.

“You have the most wonderful friends, Stark.” Rhodey commented.

“Don’t be jealous. You’re still my favourite, platypus.”

~*~

Tony unveiled DUM-EE at the MIT Robot Design competition, his first limited-awareness artificial intelligent robot with the personality of a gambolling puppy, eager to help but damned if it does.

It almost strangles Rhodey in its attempt to help him with his tie and ends up spilling white wine on Lucy in its enthusiasm to get her a drink.

“It’s fine, I’ve had worse things spilt on me before,” Lucy said as she wiped herself down. “Besides, it was just trying to help.”

She blinked as DUM-EE’s singular claw wrapped around her wrist and tugged it up and down. “What’s it doing?”

“DUM-EE’s saying thank-you,” Tony translated.

“Aw, you’re cute,” Lucy patted the robot.

“Hey, no, it’s not meant to be cute,” Tony intervened.

“Especially after it tried to kill me,” Rhodey added.

"Well I think he's sweet," Lucy laughed as DUM-EE swung her wrist happily.

"You would," Tony grumbled good-naturally while Rhodey struggled with the knot his tie had turned into.

Almost everyone showed up, including Jarvis and Ana. Everyone that is except his parents. Tony really shouldn’t have expected any less, but it still stung, the childish part of him hoping to hear some sort of approval. He brushed away the tightness in his chest and focussed on the people there with him.

He won first place and he tried to feel happy about it.

~*~

“Build something of value before asking me to waste my time,” was his father’s response when Tony had the very bad idea to call home.

He then proceeded with an even worse idea of mixing alcohol with sleeping tablets, and the next thing he remembers is waking up to the steady beep of a machine and a red-eyed Lucy, looking both relieved and extremely pissed off.

“Have you been crying?” he asked, only it came out as more of a croak.

She did a quick preliminary check before being satisfied enough to say, “You are a complete shithead. Try that stunt again and I will kill you myself.”

Tony wanted to point out that the point of being a doctor is not to kill people, but Lucy had already stormed out.

“I ditto what she said,” Rhodey spoke from his spot in the corner, looking tired.

“Not fair,” Tony pouted, “I’m sick and need looking after, not to be ganged up on.”

Rhodey gave him a wane smile, “She’s a spitfire that one. No way will I be getting on her bad side. Almost came to blows with your old man.”

Tony was about to make a joke when the rest of the sentence registered, “Wait, what with my father?”

“Dropped some truth bombs.” Rhody looked sombre. “Not really my place to talk about it. Best to talk to her.”

Tony debated the best way to get the story out of Rhodes when his best friend got up and stretched, eyeing the doorway where a nurse is being waylaid by Jarvis. “Looks like visiting hour is over for us. You going to be okay, Tones?”

“I’ll be fine.”

Rhodey looked sceptical but clapped Tony on the shoulder, “I'll be around if you need anything.”

Jarvis came in after Rhodey’s departure, eyes sad as he took Tony in, straightening the cover out of habit as he took the seat next to him. “You gave everyone quite a scare.”

“Obviously, not everyone.”

Jarvis acknowledged that comment with a tilt of his head. “Your father was here while you were asleep but something unexpected came up.”

“Lucy.”

“Among other things.”

“I’m sorry, Jarvis,” Tony was not one to apologise easily or at all, having been told that it was a weakness by his father. But with Jarvis, he has lost count of the number of times he has apologised and yet, it always seems inadequate.

And without fail, Jarvis responds the same way, “You are forgiven, Master Tony,” and the shame in Tony deepens all the more.

“Just promise me you will cease this unhealthy behaviour. You will do well to remember that you have those who care about your well-being.”

“I know, Jarvis. I’ll try.”

Jarvis smiled kindly, “That’s all I ask.”

~*~

It seems the Stark men are not known for their timing. By the time Tony has completely stopped caring for what his father thought of him, Howard was trying to reach out to him, claiming there are things Tony needs to know, needs to be shown but Tony hardly cared for any of that now. It’s easier not to care than to open himself up to ridicule again. Never let people see how you really feel, wasn’t that another life lesson Howard imparted to him?

“You must hate him,” Tony stated.

It was Thanksgiving. Lucy had invited both him and Rhodey to the Jarvis’ where they had finished off an interesting Hungarian feast made by Ana and now sat around a bonfire, drinking hot chocolate and roasting marshmallows.

It was nice and homely and Tony wished this was how home is.

Lucy glanced in the direction Rhodey had gone to retrieve more refreshments. He may know about the family secret but it’s not something she is comfortable talking about, even with Tony.

“To be honest, I’m pretty indifferent to him bar a couple of things.”

“He abandoned you.” Tony pointed out.

“He did, and I think we can all agree it was a shitty thing to do, but look at what I received instead,” she gestured towards the house where they can see Jarvis and Ana dancing in the living room, unaware of their audience.

“I’m not a fan of his work and I hate the way he treats you,” she absently picks at the grass at her feet. “But Jarvis has always said that family is what you choose it to be, so you know…” she gave an offhand shrug.

Tony gave a sly smile. “Careful Goose, it almost sounds like you care.”

“I will Nerf you in the ass.”

“I’ll sic Rhodey on you.”

“I’m not your bodyguard.” Rhodey retorted, settling himself down with a pack of drinks.

“Then why do I have you around?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking that question?”

“You’re a glutton for punishment, we both are.” Lucy shook her head sadly.

“Here, here.” Rhodey’s bottle met hers with a clink of solidarity.

“Jarvis, I’m being ganged up on!” Tony protested, as his friends sniggered next to him.

~*~

Maria Stark was not unobservant to the divide between the two most important people in her life. The problem is she doesn’t know how to resolve it other than being the buffer; to keep the fire from spreading too widely. Tony appreciated the efforts, futile as they may be and he hated how it seem to hurt her.

“Talk to him,” she requested one day, eyes pleading in an attempt to salvage whatever moment they have left of Christmas, and Tony wished it was something as simple as him taking the first step… but it was always him and he was tired of being burnt.

“Have a good trip,” he said instead. “Love you, mum.”

Maria smiled sadly at him, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he turned away to avoid the look of disappointment in her eyes.

Afterwards, he only wished he walked through the fire instead.

~*~

He doesn’t remember much of the funeral, just a blur of white noise and touches from acquaintances and strangers. Rhodey was deployed somewhere (despite his best efforts to get back) and Lucy couldn’t attend for obvious reasons. Jarvis and Ana hovered close by and it was their presence which grounded him.

Lucy snuck into his room during the wake, where Tony had already retired to his bed, the tie long discarded, the buzz in his head refusing to go away. She laid down beside him, hand wrapped around his wrist. They watched the sun’s ray crawl across the ceiling until the darkness swallowed it whole and the noises faded away.

~*~

Tragedy followed in quick succession when Ana’s health took a turn for the worst and passed away shortly after. Jarvis followed in her wake. The doctors said it was old age, but those who know Jarvis understood it was from a broken heart.

The funeral was small and intimate, rather than crawling with corporate friends. Many were unsure how to approach Lucy, who is an unknown in their mind - present but unaccounted for. Instead, they offered their condolences to Tony, whose grief was hidden behind sunglasses and dulled by alcohol.

He was unsure how to offer comfort the way Lucy had to him - what does he say? What does he do? Why does he feel so inadequate? He drinks as he ponders each question until everything blurs away and the action becomes routine. There were missed calls and unopened letters and knocks on the door that goes unanswered.

That was until the day he was rudely woken up by a rush of ice water. By the time he had finished spluttering his indignation, a garbage bag was thrust into his face by a very unimpressed Peggy Carter.

Bags of accumulated bottles and cans were thrown out, surfaces wiped clean and the windows thrown open, chasing away the stench of a month’s worth of self-pity. By the time he stepped out of the shower, Tony was feeling somewhat human.

The strangest vision hit him when he followed his nose to the kitchen and found Aunt Peggy, regal and intimidating as ever in her older years, cooking him a full English breakfast.

“Stop gaping and eat.”

And eat he did. Tony was famished as he unashamedly polished off the contents of the plate in record time, no doubt demonstrating his ability as an adult to look after himself.

Silence descended when he settled his cutlery, waiting for the lecture that was sure to come. But Aunt Peggy continued to sip her tea as she perused the morning’s paper.

With a sense of deja vu and feeling very much twelve again, Tony said, “Aren’t you going to yell at me?”

“Would it help?” she turned a page. For all his mouthiness, Tony just shrugged.

“You know what is wrong with the picture here. This is to ensure you start fixing it,” she levelled him with a firm but kind gaze. “Grief should enhance your purpose, not dull it. Now, you would be glad to hear that short of kicking your door in, purely due to the distance I suspect, Colonel Rhodes has successfully filled your answering machine to capacity with some rather colourful messages. There are also some earlier letters from him, accompanied by some rather crude drawings, courtesy of Dr Ogden.”

Tony’s spirits lifted for the first time in a month, which must have shown on his face for Aunt Peggy said, “You are not without people who care about you, Anthony. It is not something to be taken lightly.”

“And before you ask,” Aunt Peggy went on. “Your privacy was invaded for security reasons. Your father made many enemies and they would find this an opportune moment not to be missed.”

“Actually, I was going to ask how you knew about Lucy,”

“I worked closely with your father for many years. Mr. Jarvis too, who was my ‘sidekick’ for a while. His words, not mine.” she added unnecessarily with a small smile. “He was my confidante and I his. So yes, I know about Lucy.”

Shame welled up in Tony as it occurred to him that he wasn’t the only person to have lost someone he cared for.

“All is not lost, Anthony. If you want to prove your father wrong, make your own mistakes, don’t tread in his footsteps. Stop living like a Neanderthal, mend your bridges, and use that intelligence under all that belligerence.”

~*~

Admittedly, Tony still had a lot to learn about mending bridges. Calling was a lot harder than apology gifts. Same with home visits. He just can’t seem to make that reach. Shame and fear continued to tighten his chest.

The decision was taken out of his hand when he received a phone call from Metro-General hospital. He arrived in a daze, positive that he had broken half a dozen traffic laws but uncaring in the least.

He was directed to a room where he was pulled up short by Rhodey’s presence, looking calm and collected. Approaching footsteps preceded a harried-looking Lucy, who took one look at the occupants of the room (eyes resting on Tony for a moment longer), glanced back down at the pager in her hand and asked, “How the hell is this a 911?”

Rhodey crossed the room and locked the door with a click. When he turned around, he had pulled himself to his full height and even without his dress uniform, his stance commanded authority and respect. It was impressive, if not at all imposing.

“You two are going to be quiet and let me talk because this has gone on for long enough.”

Lucy groaned. “I really don’t need another lecture.”

At Rhodey’s look, she sighed, lifted both hands in surrender and leaned back against the wall.

“I don’t know if this is a Stark family trait but you two should know better. You,” he pointed at Lucy, “need to stop running away. And you,” he turned to Tony, “need to stop throwing money at problems to make them disappear. You two need to talk and we’re not leaving here until you do because as emotionally stunted as you guys are, I’m not going to sit by and let this crash and burn.”

Tony was scrutinising Rhodey in what he thought was a subtle way, “You’re mad at me,” and the fact that he seemed resigned like it proved him right, made Rhodey’s chest hurt, even if he was pissed off. But he had to remind himself that Tony had spent his short life being proven he was a disappointment to the person who mattered the most to him and expected everyone to do the same.

“I’m upset,” he acknowledged and Tony nodded expectantly, “because you expect me to walk away and not care as if our friendship doesn’t matter. You’re an ass but you’re my ass and that won’t stop me from punching your face if you make a flippant remark right now because I don’t need it. You’ve made your feelings about me clear but I’ll be damned if you two sink too.”

It was more than Rhodey had expected to say but it’s out in the open. At least it won’t be a complete waste of his requested leave of duty.

“It does matter, Rhodey. Our friendship,” Tony clarified, hesitant and uncertain. “I’m just not so good with the whole - “ he gestured aimlessly.

“They’re called feelings, Tony.” Rhodey supplied, amused despite himself.

Tony made a face. “Is that what it is? Yuck.”

“Glad to see age hasn’t affected your maturity.”

“I’m a dick and that probably won’t change but I’ll try to do better,” Tony promised.

“Okay.”

Tony raised an eyebrow, "Okay?"

"Okay." Rhodey reaffirms.

A shrill beep interrupted the moment and they both turned to Lucy, who glanced at her pager before pocketing it. Somewhere between Tony and Rhodey’s heart to heart, she had deposited herself on the floor, cross-legged.

“Goose?”

She shook her head even as she avoided his gaze, “No, you don’t get to call me that anymore.”

“I tried to get in touch with you,” Tony thought of the time he hovered outside her apartment building, working up the courage to knock.

“She went AWOL.” Rhodey provided, tone non-accusatory, just a simple fact.

“I was travelling.” Lucy snapped. “Whose side are you on?”

“Just trying to mend bridges here,” Rhodey said calmly.

“You can only mend something if it was there to begin with.”

Ouch.

Glances were exchanged between the guys and Lucy’s ire grew to expand the hurt in her heart, the one she refused to acknowledge as she traversed unknown terrains in an effort to escape what she thought she knew. And as much of a genius as Tony is, it occurred to him he knew nothing at all if he only just realised what must have been going through Lucy’s mind. He crouched down before her.

“I’m sorry Luce, I didn’t mean to leave you. I just didn’t know how to help you the way you helped me.” I didn’t want to leave a damaged boy for you to look after.

There was a sniffle, “Goddamnit, Tony, I just needed you by my side. Not your money or your status, just you.” Her eyes were wet as she finally looked at him. “But you weren’t there even when I reached out. So yeah, I ran because it’s easier than being unwanted. And now you’re making me cry and you just really suck.”

Tony reached out tentatively to grasp her wrist, the way she use to comfort him. “I know I do and I know it’s a bit late to say this but you’re not unwanted. I’m here if you’re crazy enough to want me around and I promise I won’t leave, no matter how annoying you are.”

A wet laugh escapes Lucy. “I’ll hold you to that.”

(Later, Lucy would drag herself back to her shoebox apartment, eyes blurred with exhaustion and proceeded to throw herself onto the couch, only to scream with terror at the bodies that were already on there, as well as the box of cold pizza. The next morning found Tony and Rhodey with bright pink toenails - a sign their relationship has returned to normal.)

#mcu #mcu fanfiction #mcu ff #iron man #iron man fanfiction #tony stark #tony stark fanfiction #marvel #marvel fanfiction #my writing

2 notes · View notes