#not necessarily in a 'i never do anything especially not during summer' way but a little bit

[mhaccunoval]

apparently it'll be the summer of doing things

[everythingmp3]

𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

Tess Servopoulos x fem!reader

this is a combination of three concepts: no outbreak + Joel is readers father and Tess is his best friend (my take on the dbf thing) + road trip.

AO3

you can find part 2 here

authors note: this started out as just for fun but then it turned into the longest fic I’ve ever written and I ended up really liking it, so wanted to put it out there! I tried to keep it fun and light while also giving the characters depth and heart and I think it ended up being a good mix of the two. it brought me a lot of joy to spend time with this story, it is close to my heart now and I’m proud of it, so I hope you have a good time reading <3

warnings: minors dni. drinking, brief discussion of a strained mother relationship, smut. reader is in her early 20s and Tess is in her early/mid 40s, so obviously a large age gap

word count: 23k

when your father suggested to you that you should drive back home from college with Tess instead of paying for a flight, you thought please god no. 

it wasn´t that you had anything against her, you´d never even been introduced, but after the stress of finals and packing up your dorm the last thing you wanted to do was to spend hours and hours trapped in a car with a stranger. the reason that you had never met her even though she was his best friend was that she moved to Boston ages ago and they mostly did their friendship long distance, Joel mostly visited her whenever you were at your grandparents or your mothers place for spring break or the summer. you were aware of her, you knew they were close and had a longstanding friendship, but you had yet to meet her for the first time. now that you weren´t a kid anymore he thought it could be fun, to connect you two, since you were both two of the most important people in his life. 

he really tried to sell it to you when he heard a hesitant silence on the other end of the call, going on and on about the beautiful lush nature you could see on the drive, the adventurous nature of it all, the fact that Tess was a very chill person who wouldn´t be overbearing at all, and you could tell from his tone how enthusiastic he was about the idea of having his daughter and his best friend finally getting to know each other, so you masked your initial annoyance and agreed to it, telling yourself that if it was really that bad you could just pretend to fall asleep in the passenger seat for a few hours. 

Tess had about the same reaction when he called her to suggest that she should take you with her on her drive down to Texas. she had a thing for road trips, especially during summer, the feeling of an open road with the windows down and hours of nobody to answer to, so she´d told him in advance that she would come by car to visit him, so when he realized that you´d be off school the same week she was planning to come, he thought perfect, Boston is very close to her college town. Tess had no good argument against taking you with her and she knew that she´d be in his good graces afterwards, so she thought fuck it, what´s the worst that could happen? she would come to remember this moment later and think if you only knew. 

you could tell that Joel was kind of hoping that Tess might function as a sort of mother figure for you, since you and your mom were anything but close, but what he didn´t realize was that the kind of attention you wanted from women like her was not necessarily the maternal kind, at least not strictly, otherwise he might have thought twice about putting you in a confined space with his good looking friend.

Joel gave you her number and predictably she was not one for long or emotional responses, a short and unembellished “see you at 12.” was all you got from her, no “looking forward to meeting you”, no “see you then!”, which made you wonder whether that was just the way she texted or if she was also kind of reluctant about the whole thing. for some reason it made you feel better to know that she wasn´t the type to be overly excited, nothing would have grated on your nerves more than having to be chipper and talkative the whole drive. something about her being more on the reserved side seemed desirable to you as you made your way downstairs that morning, a little tired and hungover from the farewell party the night before, your head pounding for a moment as you stepped out into the sun. 

it took you about five minutes until you reached the side of the road where you´d agreed to meet and the first thing you thought when you spotted her was thank god the car is big. the second thing was she looks much cooler than I expected. of course you´d seen pictures of her but they didn´t do her justice at all; Tess was leaning back against the passenger side door, her arms crossed, her black t-shirt and worn out jeans an effortless but flattering look for her, her stance giving off an air of confidence as the wind blew through her hair. for a moment there you were glad you´d actually bothered to get dressed in a real outfit and not just lounge wear. Tess´s mental image of you was also very different from the reality that she was confronted with, for a moment she didn´t even register that it was you as you came closer because for some reason she´d pictured you much younger, probably due to Joel´s habit of calling you his “babygirl”. the moment she saw you she realized that you were fully grown, not some little girl.  

due to that slight confusion she only got up to move towards you once you were only a few feet away, giving her a friendly nod as you already felt sweat collecting at your hairline from the effort of carrying your bags. “hey” you said as you stood there, slightly self conscious as she pushed up her sunglasses to take a good look at you, waiting a second before she said “you´re late.” in a stern tone that took you off guard. you glanced down at your phone “yeah by two minutes...”, suppressing a laugh because you knew that it might not land well. Tess was never the best at first impressions and she realized that she might have come on too strong there, so she pointed at your luggage “here, let me take care of those, you go ahead and get in”, so you handed her everything you´d brought, except for the smaller bag that held your books, water, etc., smiling to yourself and shaking your head as you got into the car, thinking well, this is gonna be interesting. 

you tried to find a casual way to sit as she got in on the other side and rested her hands on her thighs before turning to you.“so. here´s the plan” she started, before going on to lay out your next 30 hours or so, she kept it brief, telling you which states you´d have to pass through, including an overnight stay somewhere in Tennessee if she had calculated the amount of miles you could manage in a day right. you just nodded along, adding the occasional “sounds good”, not giving her any trouble, before she started the car. you tried to butter her up a little then “thank you for doing this by the way. I know you probably would´ve preferred to do it on your own so.. yeah I appreciate the ride, really, it beats having to get up at 3am to go to the airport”, she could tell that you were a little worried about being a nuisance so she softened her tone a little, “oh it´s fine, really, besides I think he also had to do some convincing to get you to agree to this huh?” you laughed then, “I mean, a little yeah.”. she looked good driving, competent, you suddenly felt relaxed as you got comfortable in the passenger seat, rolled the window down a little, and started chatting with her about the surface level stuff that strangers always had to get out of the way when trying to get to know each other.

she asked about college, about classes, how you lived, roommates all that, you asked her about her job, her apartment, what she does on weekends, but after a while you both felt the other one getting bored so it turned a little more personal, you asked her “so, remind me how did you and my dad meet again? I´m sure he´s told me before but I forgot”. she thought for a moment, you just looked at her from the side, enjoying the draft of the wind that was cooling you down in the midday heat, “well, I think it was the second year of college. oh yeah I remember now, we were both at this awful party, like truly not the crowd any of us would have usually hung with, and we ended up in the garden smoking while things were escalating inside. I think we were both just glad to meet a somewhat sane person we could sit in silence with for a moment so yeah, guess that was that, we hung out a lot after that”, you nodded, smiling at the idea of them around your age. 

“well from what I´ve witnessed I think you´re a good friend to him. really helped him a lot when things were.. you know not great back then after the divorce and all that. maybe I benefitted too from that, him being more stable thanks to your support” she shook her head “okay you´re giving me too much credit there I think. but yeah I remember, it was a tough time. you were too young to remember much right?”, she seemed genuinely interested then, leaning over a little while glancing back and forth between the road and your face, “yeah I just remember bits and pieces. but you know, things got better for sure, seems like a distant memory now to be honest” she was glad to hear that, “yeah, from what I´ve heard you two did make a good duo” she´d heard endless praise from him, always calling you his angel to a point of her getting tired of it at times. 

by that point of the drive you were already outside of city limits, on the highway, so for a few minutes you both sat there in silence until you tried to prop your legs up on the dashboard. she immediately shoved your knee to signal for you to take them down “oh no absolutely not”, “what? why??” you protested, “you would snap in fucking half if I made an abrupt stop right now with you sitting like that, and I plan on delivering you in once piece, so legs down, now”. reluctantly you put them down again, groaning a little, rubbing your temples yet again, you´d done this motion a few times before, and it dawned on her then what your issue was, “late night hm?” you didn´t laugh, “yes.” your tone indicating that you were regretting it, and Tess felt herself warming up to you then, knowing that you weren´t some sheltered miss perfect, but someone who would do something reckless like partying before two days of travel.

“you need an aspirin or something?” she said, a slightly condescending touch to it, which made you perk up and prove to her that you were doing just fine, “I´m good, thanks” you turned off the radio because the song was getting on your nerves, some awful pop tune you´d heard one too many times, “god I hate that fucking song.” you got an idea, “do you have an aux?”, she eyed you from the side, “well depends on what you´re gonna play”, you cocked your head, in a way that said really?, so she grinned and reached down to hand it to you, “here, let´s see what you got”. you took the challenge, scrolling through your playlists for a moment, “I think a road trip calls for some oldies, what do you want, something fun or something serious?” she thought of it, “I think fun is better, something upbeat would do you some good I think” teasing you a little, “right okay, I got it”, you put on one of your favorite songs from a 90s band, the one you always went for when you needed to feel energized and hopeful, you waited for her reaction to see if she knew the song, “you´ve never heard this one??” you said, a little incredulous, the first verse was still building up as she shook her head “no”. “damn, what were you doing in the late 90s?” she answered a little dramatically “jeez I don´t know, getting stoned, being stupid?”, you smiled, enjoying the feeling of messing with her, “well clearly, otherwise you wouldn´t have let this pass you by” , “how about you save the jokes and we just listen huh”, Tess said while pulling her sunglasses down to her nose again, so you stopped talking and turned up the volume, setting down the phone before rolling your window down all the way, the rush of air giving adding to the intense vibe of the song.

after a second you forgot about her and closed your eyes, getting into the familiar groove of the song, even better on loud car stereos, holding your arm out of the window and resting your head on your shoulder, feeling the wind between your fingers, moving your hand up and down in a wave like motion as you mouthed along to the lyrics you knew by heart. it was a moment of you fully losing all concept of time and space and it felt great, Tess tried to keep her eyes forward but she kept looking over at you, the sight was endearing to her, it looked straight out of a vintage photography book, all those shots of young people sticking their heads out of cars to feel a sense of freedom, of adventure, your lips forming the words she was hearing, the song much better than she expected, very close to the kind of stuff she´d put on. after a moment she forced herself to look away from you and the moment she realized that she had to muster up willpower to do it her whole body ran cold as she thought fuck. no, not her. she tried to recover but at her core she knew it was too late, something about you was getting to her, and it was getting worse by the second.

once the song was over you opened your eyes and sat upright in your seat again, looking at her, waiting for her to speak, she nodded in approval “yeah that was good”, “well I´ve got more where that came from” you announced while adding a few songs to a playlist, so the next hour or so you both mostly talked about music, she recognized one song you´d picked and told a story about a concert she´d been to where that exact one was also played, it made her feel good to see your eyes light up as she recalled the story, she liked being able to impress you with something and over the course of that hour you grew increasingly comfortable with each other, laughing more freely, making darker jokes, in general acting more the way you would with a friend. while a slower song was playing, you looked at her, not too obviously, and had a similar feeling to the one she´d had before; you caught yourself admiring the way her bare arms looked holding the steering wheel, her skin already slightly tan from the weeks of good weather before, the way her her hair fell down her shoulders, a few lighter strands shimmering whenever the sun hit them, you caught yourself anxiously checking how you looked in the side mirror and thought fuck. this is how I act when I am into someone. you tried to deny it for a moment but it was clear that you were starting to care what she thought of you, including your physique. 

after a while she saw that you were battling fatigue and told you that you could rest if you wanted, so you did, using the sweater you had packed as a makeshift pillow squeezed between your shoulder and the window. for another hour or so she drove you two further into the country while you dozed off a few times but never really fell asleep, it was peaceful state to be in and she enjoyed the feeling of watching over you in a way, glancing over every now and then to make sure you still looked relaxed. 

around 2pm you were startled out of your state of half sleep by the buzz of your phone and as you looked at with tired eyes you let out an audible “fuck no.. ughh”. Tess was amused by that reaction, “what? crazy ex or something?” you shook your head, not even cracking a smile at the joke because your heart was racing all of a sudden, “no I wish… it´s my mom.”. Tess had heard enough from Joel over the years to know that you and your mom weren´t exactly best friends, and for good reason. as his confidant she knew the whole story, that she´d left Joel for another man when you were around 4 to move to another state with him, that Joel got custody, which meant that you mostly saw her whenever you were off from school. she looked at you as you stared at the phone, deciding what to do, “you gonna answer or?”, you seemed panicked, “I don´t know”, “go on and answer, you can give me a sign if you wanna hang up and I will find a reason, okay?”, you gave her a look that said thank you as you picked up. 

it wasn´t anything crazy, your mom was asking about your plans for the summer, if you´d come visit, how you were doing, but the way you were speaking was almost heartbreaking to Tess, it shocked her a little how your voice changed once you started talking to her, you sounded depressed almost, you spoke slower and with much less feeling, like you were putting up a mental barrier between yourself and her. thankfully the call only lasted a few minutes but it still left you feeling deflated as you put your phone down and sighed, Tess gave you a moment to relax before asking, “so, how are things with her?”, you shook your head, trying not to let it get to you, but the few times a month she called were always unnerving to you. “god I don´t know. it´s complicated”, Tess nodded, staring ahead, “I´m listening” something told her that it was a good idea to make you get it off your chest, so you tried to find a way to phrase it “it´s just.. when I was younger I stopped visiting her during summer when I was around 14 because she started accusing me of favoring dad, which is insane because of course I am closer to the parent I live with? so we kind of drifted apart, she never apologized or anything that went down and I was honestly fine with it just being dad and I. but then when I started college, all of a sudden she acted like nothing ever happened and tried to be all caring, asking me to come to her place more. but honestly, I don´t need all that anymore, I´m grown, I´m good without her. but I don´t know.. .” Tess took it in, “sounded to me like you really didn´t wanna take her up on that offer to visit in a few weeks”, you shook your head, “yeah I don´t wanna go, at all. but I guess I should”. Tess considered it, “I mean, you don´t have to. you can say no. after everything you went through, I think you don´t owe her shit”, that took you by surprise, it got to you, hearing someone put it that way, after being guilt tripped by your mom quite a few times over the years, “if you say so” you said, trying to internalize it, Tess nodded reassuringly as she stopped looking at the road for a moment and turned to you, “I am saying so, yes.”, a faint smile on your face then, which was relieving for her to see. 

about fifteen minutes later you could feel yourself getting a little dizzy and tried to breathe through it but Tess noticed, you´d gotten suspiciously quiet “hey, you good?” she asked, resting her hand on your shoulder for a moment, which did soothe you a little, the feeling of her fingers on your skin, “yeah I just get a little car sick sometimes, but it´s fine”, “okay let´s stop at the next gas station and get something to drink, maybe move around a little to get your blood flowing again, alright?” you nodded, “okay”, a light squeeze on your arm from her before she let go of you, leaving your skin tingling where she´d made contact, you found yourself wishing you could ask her for a hug once you were out of the car and told yourself to get a grip already.

once she pulled into the parking lot of the gas station you moved to get out but she told you to wait, quickly walking around the car to open the door for you and offering a hand to help you up, an almost shy smile on your face as you let her do all that, “thanks” you said as you stood up next to her, straightening out your clothes and stretching your legs while looking around as she did too.“we really are in the middle of nowhere huh” you said as you looked at the fields around you that were only interrupted by a few small farms in the distance, “hm, looks like it” but both of you took some comfort in feeling like you were far away from your usual life, completely out of reach. “okay let´s go” she said, motioning for you to follow her. once you were inside you saw a bored looking girl around your age busy on her phone at the register and about a hundred different drinks to choose from in the fridges, as you both scanned the various labels you agreed that a classic coke was probably a good idea, so you reached in and grabbed two, “we´ll need some water too” she said as she walked away from you for a moment to get some while you briefly scanned the bars of chocolate and candy, debating whether you should get some but ultimately deciding against it.“here let me go check out, I´ll join you in a sec” she said pointing at a bench outside of the store, urging you to go get some fresh air and shake off the feeling of dizziness that was still somewhat messing with you. 

you walked outside, taking in the air, a distinct smell of dry grass and dust, no noise at all except for the occasional car passing by. you sat down on the wooden bench and took some deep breaths as you felt your head getting clearer and your heartbeat becoming steadier again. once you heard the door slamming you perked up, watching Tess as she made her way over and flopped down next to you, handing you your coke, your water, and finally, dropping something in your lap that you couldn´t identify at first before picking it up: it was the exact brand of chocolate you had looked at before. apparently your eyes had lingered just long enough for her to see and as you looked down at the golden packaging you realized that she was admitting something to you in a way: the fact that she was paying close attention; someone else might have just written it off as a friendly gesture, but to you it seemed a little deeper than that, perhaps because you wanted it to be. you smiled at her sheepishly as she took a big sip of her coke, “thank you” you said, your tone all sweet, but she waved it off, not wanting any praise for it,“drink” she instructed, “and not just a sip, at least half that bottle, we need you fit again”, you nodded, taking the order, gulping down a good amount of the ice cold beverage, which did make you feel more energized immediately. for a second you both just sat there soaking up the sun, you weren´t facing her but your attention still went in her direction, the way she was sitting, relaxed and not afraid to take up space, the space between her jeans and shirt revealing a hint of her skin that made your cheeks feel hot, so you tried hard to look at other things, the perfect empty sky, the red truck that was passing by, the field across the road, anything but her, you knew by then how attentive she was, how little it would take to give yourself away. 

after a while she leaned forward as she pointed into the distance, “look, those are horses I think, right?”, you squinted your eyes, “oh yeah that´s cool, it´s been ages since I´ve seen one. or ridden one for that matter. I kinda miss it sometimes.”. she turned her head and eyed you, saving the suggestive riding jokes she could´ve come up with in that moment, “you really are a Texas girl huh?” you smiled at her, “well, in that regard I guess. but other than that not so much..” she raised her eyebrows, “no?”, you shook your head, uncrossing your legs to sit more comfortably, blissfully unaware of her trying not to stare at your thighs, “no. I mean, do I strike you as the southern belle type?...” she looked you up and down, “hm, no guess not.” a grin from her then as she thought about how you definitely weren´t what she had expected. you were charming her without even trying hard and it was beyond whatever she had envisioned before, having fun was not what Tess had allowed herself to hope for when she agreed to take you with her, but there she was, a few hours into knowing you, already completely won over, the initial skepsis nowhere to be found. 

for a second she completely forgot who your father was and felt the way she used to feel when she was hanging out with a girl she had a thing for, that slight buzz of adrenaline that tinged every interaction, the warmth in her chest, something passed between you for a moment, a silence that was a little too long and comfortable for it to mean nothing. you both could have stayed for longer but you still had a good few hours of driving ahead of you, so Tess clapped her hands together “alright, let´s go. you feel better right?”, you nodded emphatically as you stood up in unison with her, “yeah much better!”. she led the way and smiled to herself as she got back into the car, pretty certain at that point that you shared her feeling of this is much nicer than I expected.

once you were back on the road the energy shifted yet again, it was like there was an invisible barrier between you both that was breaking down by the minute, in some ways you were still feeling each other out, but in others you already felt like old friends, something was in the air, a sense of familiarity, even though neither of you had revealed anything too personal yet, there was an unspoken connection, the kind of thing that´s hard to put into words, a sense of I have a good guess who this person is deep down because I am similar. 

as you were getting further South you came across some of the insane Christian billboards that were very familiar to you, huge banners you could read from far away that said things about the rapture and repenting, one particular one you saw that afternoon made you laugh, so Tess asked “what is it?”, you read it out loud for her “Heaven or Hell, which one will it be?”, a cheap graphic design of fire and clouds making it campy almost, Tess smiled, “wow, right to the point huh?”, you leaned over then, looking up at her with a challenging grin. “so, what will it be for you?”, she briefly glanced over at you, wondering if you were actually asking her or just fucking around, “well I highly doubt any god would let me into heaven so. I´ll burn I guess” a dry way of delivering it, no laugh to accompany it, which intrigued you then, “oh yeah? what makes you say that?”, she could tell you were daring her to tell you something juicy but she just shook her head, staring forward, “you really think I´ll just confess my sins to my friend´s daughter?”, you leaned back into your seat then, crossing your arms, sulking a little “oh come on, I am more than that. I can keep a secret you know” she nodded, not unaware of the slightly lascivious tone you used for that last part of your statement, “I bet you can. maybe ask me again after I´ve had a drink or two”, that sounded better to you, “alright, I will”.

she took her right hand off the steering wheel and turned to face you for a moment, reaching for the golden cross necklace that was dangling a few inches above your chest, taking the pendant between her fingers, the sudden unexpected intimacy of it making your face flush, “you´ll have an easier time getting in I suppose”, you had to recover for a second after she let go and drove with both hands again, “this is just for aesthetic purposes. I don´t think I am a good candidate for heaven either”, she didn´t buy it, “really? what have you done in your young years that is so unforgivable?”, you shrugged, imitating her previous answer, “you think I´ll just confess my sins to my father´s friend?”. touché she thought, “right, I´ll just have to use my imagination then”, her voice low enough as she said it to worsen the heat you´d already felt because of her, so you pulled down the window further and tried to cool down while she kept thinking about what you´d said, because for some reason she could tell that you weren´t bluffing, that there was a potential for danger in you. a sense of guilt washed over her as she thought of you like that, like a temptress of some sort, you weren´t doing anything wrong, it was her own issue that she couldn´t get her mind out of the gutter, she knew this, but it was hard, for so long Tess had spent her days in a dull haze of boredom and apathy, so any hint of euphoria and excitement pulled her closer like a moth to flame, and as much as she told herself that she´d get burned if she wasn´t careful, she couldn´t deny that part of her wanted the pain, the ache of doing something wrong. for a second, as she kept driving, the sign, your necklace, the imagery of transgression and possible punishment for it felt like an ominous warning from some higher power, like something was telling her you´re going into dangerous territory, you´re losing sight of what´s right. you´re gonna reach a point of no return if you go down this road. 

thankfully there was enough scenery around to distract herself with, so for a while you both just watched the endless stretch of land that reached til the horizon until you agreed to find a place to stop and eat a proper meal, since it was already afternoon and you´d hardly eaten more than a few snacks here and there. you were in no place to be picky so you settled on a diner that had fairly enthusiastic reviews online and to your surprise the spot where it was located was beautiful, a few stores in the middle of nowhere surrounded by lush greenery, a white church and a few houses in the distance down the road. during the meal neither of you talked much because you were truly starved, sitting there across from each other in a cherry-colored booth, switching between devouring your food and downing multiple glasses of sweet tea, since the place was relying only on a small rusty fan to get some fresh air flowing. there was something deeply carnal about that moment, your tired and slightly overheated bodies getting a sudden rush of endorphins from the generously iced drinks and salty comfort food, the thick heavy air of the day hanging around you, you were both completely reduced to your senses and the moment almost had a dreamlike quality, something out of a film. 

neither of you were particularly bothered about eating in a clean manner, so you caught glimpses of the other person wiping their mouth against the back of their bare arm and it was a sight you couldn´t help but enjoy, seeing each other uninhibited in a way, watching someone indulging in a meal like that was not entirely devoid of eroticism: your lips glistening from the oil, your tongues licking up the juice that was left on them, deep breaths after particularly large bites. after you were done you both just sat there for a moment, before grinning at each other “god I needed that…” you said, running your hands through your hair while exhaling,“yeah I could tell”, she teased, you shoved her arm then “um excuse me, you also didn´t hold back there, miss”, she suppressed a grin and leaned back, closing her eyes for a moment, soaking up the last few moments of doing nothing before continuing the drive.

she told you that you could go wait outside if you wanted, after she got you to quit offering to pay and pushed you towards the door as she went to get the bill, so you stepped outside and took a look around, your attention immediately caught by a patch of wildflowers nearby. once you knelt down to run your fingers through the grass, admiring them from up close, you felt compelled to pick a few, so you were too lost in thought to realize when Tess came outside and approached you. she stood behind you and watched for a moment, endeared by the sight of you carefully choosing certain kinds of flowers, eventually speaking up “well isn´t that just sweet”, a clear hint of irony in there, a smugness to her expression as you turned your neck to look up at her. “oh fuck off, you don´t like flowers?”, she was standing with her hands in her back pockets, almost cocky the way she was eyeing you, “sure I do, but maybe not enough to do all that”, you turned back around then to finish the little bouquet you´d started, “or maybe you just know that your knees would give in if you tried to crouch down like this for more than a minute”, you felt a light shove to your back then, her shoe giving you a push forward that almost made you lose balance, “no I think my knees work just fine”, she said as you shook your head but secretly enjoyed it. “might wanna add some yellow to that” she said as she got down next to you and ripped a few honey colored flowers and placed them in your open palm “can´t just be blue and purple”, you smiled at her then, both of you still kneeling, “didn´t think you´d be the one to have an opinion on color palettes” you remarked as she got up again, brushing some dirt off her pants,“well, there´s a lot you don´t know about me”,  you got up too then, tying the flowers together with a few pieces of grass. “I know. it´s not easy getting information out of you”, you said as you both walked to the car again, a carefree nature to the way you were skipping down the street behind her, revived from the meal, she considered it “you´ve got a point, I´m not a very open person I guess”, you smiled, “well, we still have a day, we can work on that” she laughed, “so you´re trying to fix me now?”, you looked at her from across the car as you both stood in front of your sides of it, waiting a second before getting in,“no, just trying to figure you out”, an earnestness to that statement that made Tess feel uneasy, knowing that she was on thin ice, that you could catch a glimpse of something if you looked closely enough, but again, there was also the need to let you see it, to be reckless.

you decided to aim for two more hours of driving, which would mean that you´d reach the motel around 8, leaving you about 6 more hours to get through the next day. the sun had become less blinding by then, the light more golden, the shadows longer and it made everything around you look even more picturesque, you´d forgotten just how much you environment impacted you, after months of never leaving the city you could feel your body waking up again, desperately trying to soak up all the details, all the ways you were confronted with beauty you weren´t used to. 

you tried to come up with ways to pass the remaining time, eventually settling on trying to read Tess´s birth chart for her after having to convince her for 15 minutes to give you her birth time because she was skeptical about what the website might say about her, so then you just sat there picking and choosing which parts of the analysis to tell her, mostly reading the flattering parts out loud, adjectives like “determined, strong willed, pragmatic”, purposely skipping over the part that called a particular placement indicative of her being a “passionate lover, sometimes to a fault, not afraid of breaking taboos”, but taking note of it, smiling to yourself. you could tell that she was just pretending to find it silly, her expression gave away that it was nice to have you entertaining her with something lighthearted, it was comforting to her, your voice, your attempts to get her to laugh, which worked most of the time. a few times she looked over at you, the way your face was glowing in the orange light, and got hit by such a violent wave of affection that she kept the amount of times she did it limited. 

just as planned you, pulled into the parking lot of the motel around 8pm, both of you a little worn out and groggy, looking forward to the comfort of a bed. the first thing that you noticed was that the whole thing was painted a bright turquoise, it had faded a little over the years, an old timey charm to it, your best guess was that it had been built sometime in the 70s; there was a relatively large swimming pool in the middle of the court, a few plastic chairs outside of the floor level rooms, some guests sitting there smoking, a neon sign glowing in the setting sun, all of it more inviting than you´d expected, nothing fancy but a place that seemed ideal for one night. 

on the way inside both you and Tess pointed out certain details about the place to each other and complained about your sore muscles, groaning from the weight of your bags until you reached the reception, putting them down on the floor for a second as a young worker with a bright toothpaste-ad-smile greeted you so enthusiastically that you both needed a moment to gather your thoughts. Tess leaned on the counter as he looked at the computer to see which rooms were available, apparently you´d lucked out and came at a time where at least five were vacant, he turned to look at you again, and asked “so, is a room with two singles fine?”, which confused both of you for a second as you thought why the fuck wouldn´t that be fine? that´s exactly what we´re looking for?.

but then it dawned on you: you absolutely did not look like mother and daughter. he was trying to signal to you that he wouldn´t mind if you wanted a room with a double bed instead, he was saying that he wouldn´t be shocked by you two being a couple. as you realized this you turned your head away for a moment, stifling a laugh, while Tess was gripped by a white hot panic and quickly told him “yes that´s perfect! thank you!”, in an uncharacteristically high pitched tone. it was hilarious to you but not to her, you watched her face as he slid the keys to your room over the reception counter and wished you a good night, telling you to come back if anything wasn´t to your liking, Tess just walked away without answering, so you gave him a very polite “thank you so much!”. you could hear Tess muttering “Jesus Christ.” under her breath as she led the way down the hallway, clearly still unsettled by the previous exchange , which contrasted your own reaction, the delicious thrill you got out of it, that a stranger didn´t think it impossible for you to belong together. 

once Tess opened the door you both tentatively walked in, gauging the state of the room but there was nothing to complain about; the beds were both big enough to fit two, the sheets had quilted throw blankets over them with a rustic flower print, the walls were all wood paneled, the floor carpeted the same way it had been in the lobby, an old tv and an armchair pushed against the wall facing the beds, to others it might have looked like a room where people went to get killed in slasher flicks but you both liked the feeling of back transported back in time, the dusty smell, the muted color palette, it was more soothing to you than a brand new, sterile room.

“which one?” Tess asked, pointing at the beds, giving you a choice, so you picked the one next to the bathroom door, flinging yourself  down onto it face first in a dramatic fashion, arms spread out, legs dangling over the edge, she smiled, setting down her stuff next to her bed, near the door that opened to a little terrace near the pool, since you were located on the ground floor. she pushed it open a little to let some fresh air in and got some clothes out of her bag, “I need a shower” she announced, “yeah me too. but you go first” you said, still laying there, the exhaustion of the day catching up with you.

as you heard the water of the shower turning on you tried your best not to imagine how she´d undressed, how she would look getting into the shower, how her eyes would close once the hot stream hit her face, you tried not to imagine how her back would look with water drops run down her spine, you tried not to imagine her whole body flushing from the heat, you tried but failed, so instead of just laying there you found ways to occupy your mind with other things: unpacking, taking your shoes off, taking a look outside the window, stepping onto the terrace for a moment, still, the sound of the shower kept forcing images into your mind that made you feel defenseless and exposed in your longing. 

after about ten minutes Tess stepped out of the bathroom and found you sitting on your bed, scrolling on your phone, until you looked up and had to mask your feeling of awe, she looked even more attractive to you then than before; her hair had gotten a little damp and fell down her face in beautiful waves, her face looked youthful and glowy, she´d gotten dressed in shorts that were cut off right above the knee and a white tank top, since the heat had gotten more intense and humid the further south you´d traveled that day, and to make things worse the scent of her shower gel was streaming in through the bathroom door and it was an intoxicating mix of something creamy and musky, you breathed in deeply, feeling a tingling sensation all over your skin. 

she caught something in your look even though you were subtle, but she let it go, interrupting your thoughts “so, what should we do once you´re done freshening up?” you considered it, putting your phone down as she also went to go sit on her bed, “we should get a drink” you decided, “I mean, there´s that bar right across the street and I doubt there´s much else to do around here”, she looked at you then, “I don´t know if your dad would love the idea of me buying you drinks”, you wanted her to forget about him, about the sense of responsibility that she felt weighing on her, so you were insistent, “well he isn´t here, is he?...” a distinct sense of urgency to the way you said it, she could tell you weren´t happy about her bringing him up, and she could take a wild guess as to why. Tess couldn´t really argue with your logic and besides she liked the idea of unwinding like that after driving all day so she nodded, “alright. one drink”, “two” you responded, a grin, she laughed then “so, we´re negotiating now, are we?”. 

the shower woke you up and revived your spirits, you stepped out feeling ready to move around and talk again and as you walked back into the room Tess had thoughts that weren't dissimilar to the ones you´d had about her before, but she was better at hiding it, a brief look was all she allowed herself before she turned her attention back to collecting the keys and her wallet before waving you out of the door before her, forcing her gaze to remain cast to the floor until you weren´t in close proximity anymore, she knew looking at your neck from up close would have been a bad idea.

the sky had turned a muted light blue, sunset was approaching, and you could both feel the eyes of a few other guests who were hanging around by the pool following you as you made your way towards the street, you could tell that it wasn´t judgment but something like intrigue, both you and Tess realized that you made a rather striking duo, which gave you a boost of confidence, or maybe even cockiness, as you left the motel behind and approached your destination. the bar had a distinctly timeless look, it was the archetype of an american bar, a flag waving in the wind, about four different neon signs buzzing in the windows, the image of a blonde woman in leather gear on a bike spray painted onto one of the walls, lettering beneath that read “ride or die”, a few trucks and bikes parked nearby, a few metal trash cans and a bench near the back exit. “ever been to a place like this?” Tess asked as she held the door open for you, “no never” you said, “well, i´ve seen much worse, i think this should be fine” she mused as she followed you in. 

the room was spacious, there were about ten booths in a row alongside the wall to your right, a bar and a line of chairs all the way down the counter in your direct line of sight, a few pool tables and something that looked like a jukebox further back, a few different sources of light including multiple red lamps that gave the room a slightly sleazy feel. “what are you drinking?” you asked as you both approached the bar where two couples were talking to the bartender who all seemed to know each other, “hm, I doubt we´ll have much of a menu to pick from” you nodded, “right. how about you order for us, I´ll have what you´re having i am not picky”, you didn´t feel like awkwardly standing there next to her while waiting to be served so you went to choose a table, settling on a booth towards the back of the room, and from where you were sitting you could see Tess talking to the bartender, he was around her age and very obviously took a liking to her, he laughed a lot while she was talking, almost an obnoxious amount, keeping his eyes on her as he poured the drinks, seemingly starved for some pleasant chatting, and you couldn´t really blame him for being easily charmed by her because you were in the same place. 

after a few minutes she set two glasses down on the table and sat down opposite you, “okay, he was going on and on about how he makes the best old fashioned around, something about a special ingredient, so here you go”. you took one of the glasses and had a sip, nodding as you set it down again “not bad, but then again I am fairly easy to impress after the shit I´ve had to drink in college”, she smiled before drinking a good amount, “he liked you” you said while searching her face for a reaction, keeping your eyes on hers, but she didn´t seem to care much “well..good for him”, something about the way you´d said it made her suspect that you didn´t love the idea of other people hitting on her, which was an endearing thought, you getting a little possessive even though you hadn´t even spent a full day together. 

you both enjoyed the sensation of the cool glasses in your hands, soaking up the atmosphere, a vaguely familiar song playing over the speakers, the faint smell of cigarettes and old leather seats that wasn´t entirely unpleasant, you could both imagine people who lived nearby spending their nights there after a hard day at work, letting go of whatever was going on outside, because it kind of applied to you too. as you traced the rim of the glass with your index finger, spaced out, you could feel all the stress from the months before trying to leave your body at once, a deep exhale as you realized how far away from everything you were all of a sudden. Tess was leaning her head on her hand, watching you intently, a smile forming as she could basically see the thoughts swirling around in your head, “wanna tell me what you´re thinking, or no?”, she was being gentle with it, trying to coax you out of your shell instead of demanding answers, you came back to the present moment then and met her eyes, debating whether or not to tell her, but it felt good to be offered a space to express your deeper feelings, so you took another sip before asking, “can I be honest for a second?”, she nodded, “you can also do it for more than a second”, putting her arms on the table then, sitting upright, signaling that you had her full attention. “alright, well. I usually don´t really like to talk about this stuff with people because they either panic or give me pity, but I have a sense you won´t, so if I am being real with you, the past few months weren´t great. the whole second semester honestly, it all felt.. empty in a way? if that´s the right word. I did my work and went to class and whatever but other than that I didn´t do much at all, just didn´t feel like it. last year a friend of mine who was a grade above me graduated and since then I´ve kind of just been.. floating I guess. nothing really excites me, and it sounds ungrateful maybe, but I wish there was more to my life. there is this constant feeling of “is this all?”. I don´t know if that makes sense but yeah.. I am kind of glad I´m on a break now, it was about time. today was honestly the first good day I´ve had in a while…”.

Tess was´t exactly shocked, it wasn´t anything too out of the ordinary, but still, she did feel affected by the idea of you struggling with your frustrations on your own, she could see the way you were holding yourself as you spoke about it, your shoulders hunched, your eyes less bright than before, your hands nervously fidgeting with the orange peel in your drink. she leaned back as she spoke, partly to fight off the urge to reach out and touch you, your hand, your cheek, “no I get that, that feeling of wishing things were more exciting. you know, this might be a good moment to mention that I was a student advisor for a while in my early 30s”, that caught you off guard, “really??” a hint of a smile on your face as you processed the information, the image of her talking to people your age about their issues flashing in your mind. she nodded, “hmm, by far not the worst job I had”, you leaned forward then, your hands folded, your head resting on them, “well, advise me then” you said, a slightly flirtatious undertone that didn´t escape her. 

she thought for a second, “you know, I think what you said applies to about every other person your age. this might not be the encouragement you´re looking for but I think your 20s are kind of meant to be a shit show. mine sure as hell were, and I would honestly be more disturbed if you told me that everything´s perfect. I mean within reason of course, there are things that require intervention, but I doubt you´re the type to actually fall off, you´ll be fine trust me. you´re not the kind of person I´d have been worried about back then”, it worked. her honesty and lack of sentimentality about the whole thing made you feel much better than any bullshit “just change your mindset, just think positively! practice gratitude!” response ever could have. she was refreshingly calm, there was an ease about her that was comforting to be around, that was helping you relax, usually you felt like you had to shoulder everything on your own but around her it felt natural, to let yourself be more vulnerable for once. 

“you´re good at this” you said, grinning as you felt your worries fading, the enthusiasm about being with her taking over again, and it pleased her, seeing her effect, she downed the rest of her drink and smiled after putting the glass down “I try”, a moment of silence before she added “but you´re okay  right now, yeah?” making sure, and you wanted her to know that you were genuinely enjoying your time with her, so you quickly said “oh yeah, as I said today was really nice. I guess this would be a good time to say thank you, for doing all of this” Tess was still horrible at accepting praise “oh no need to thank me, you´re good company, the time flew by” the first explicit acknowledgement of her affection towards you, which made your face glow a little then. 

“I can listen too by the way, anything you wanna get off your chest?”, you offered, watching her getting more comfortable, crossing one leg over the other, “I mean, not really, but ask away if there´s anything you´re dying to know” she answered, challenging you in a way, the ball was in your court, and for a moment you considered asking something innocuous, but you thought why not just take the chance and ask what I actually want to know, so you tried to sound as casual as possible as you asked “is there someone waiting for you back home?”. she didn´t expect you to get right to the point but she respected it in a way, that you weren´t wasting time with boring questions, “do you think I´d be using my vacation days to go visit your father if there was someone in my life?” you shrugged, “I don´t know”, she shook her head, “no, I mean bless him but my friendship has its limits” you smiled, the relief of her not being taken a little too visible in your expression, “okay. so what do you do in your free time then, if nobody´s around to keep you busy”.

“hm. I don´t know, there´s not much to boast of, I am honestly pretty boring. middle age will do that to you”, you laughed then, “oh come on, I don´t believe that! I think you just don´t wanna tell me anything. but then again, makes sense that you don´t have much personal drama going on, I doubt anyone would try to mess with you”, she squinted her eyes at you, “what´s that supposed to mean?”, “well, you give off a very strong don´t fuck with me vibe”, she laughed too then, “okay I´ll try to take that as a compliment”, “it was meant as one. I mean I benefited from it the whole day, didn´t worry once about some freak coming up to me because i knew you´d take care of it”, that did make her feel satisfied then, to know that you felt safe in her shadow, “good. but I guess it does also scare people off sometimes” you could read in her expression that she might sometimes wish that she was softer, more inviting, “not the right ones” you responded a little too quickly, weight to the words, a seriousness. she looked at you and something passed between you, about ten seconds of you just wordlessly sitting there, thinking similar things, unwilling to say any of them, but you didn´t have to, over the day you´d both gotten good at filling in the other´s silences, reading certain looks. the mix of it being rather late, both feeling a slight buzz from the drink, the dim warm light, the feeling of almost having broken down the barrier between you all the way, the intimacy of sitting there like that, it could have led to something then, if you hadn´t caught yourself staring at her way too softly and forced yourself to look somewhere else before it was too late, Tess clearing her throat and adjusting her hair to distract herself from what had just happened between you. 

your gaze landed on the pool tables behind you, “do you know how to play?” you asked, changing the subject, “sure, I mean it´s been ages but I believe the muscle memory´s still there”. 

“I´ve never played it”, she was a little stunned then “never?? damn what are young people doing these days”, you shrugged, “guess we are too busy vaping and being on our phones”, a dramatic delivery, she didn´t give you a laugh but a look that said okay, very funny. “I mean, you could try right now”, you were almost a little shy then, she could tell and it was amusing to her, “oh come on, it´s just a stick and some balls, I think you can manage'', so you agreed “okay sure, why not. you´ll look fucking perfect next to me, so good for you I guess”, she shook her head as you both abandoned your seats and walked over, “ever heard of having fun? this isn´t gonna be an exam sweetheart”, the pet name hanging in the air and forcing a bit of color to your cheeks as you went over to one of the empty tables with her, running your hands along the old wood, the green surface, taking a good look at it as Tess excused herself for a moment, going over to the bar and promptly returning with two shot glasses in her hand, a grin on her face as she handed it to you, a carefree youthfulness to her demeanor all of a sudden, “here, drink this, loosen up a little” so you did, washing down whatever it was that she´d ordered, the burn of it making you cough for a second “jesus”. “so” she said, handing you the poll, “show me how you think you should hold it, let´s see what we´re working with here”, you tried to conjure up the images of people you´d seen playing and tried your best to mimic the pose, leaning forward. 

even though you weren´t looking directly at her, you could tell she was stifling a laugh, so you shot her a glare, “oh that´s very encouraging, I told you I´ve never done this”, she stepped closer then, visibly amused by your defensiveness, “well you could have been a natural but.. guess not”.

you were standing again by that point, “are you just gonna laugh at me or give me some actual tips?”, “right, okay, so that angle won´t work, it has to be lower and your hand has to be..” she knew that verbal instructions weren´t great, but she was trying her best to avoid the inevitable: going up and touching you to adjust your technique, since she knew how horrible of an idea it was to get that close to you, how hard it would be for her to keep the very small amount of restraint she had left in her intact, when sitting across from you had already made her feel insane. looking at you standing there, your skin glowing slightly pink from the light behind you, she knew that going over and getting in your personal space was about the last thing she should do, “the angle? what the fuck do you mean” you said, clearly confused, waiting for her to be more helpful, so after another moment of hesitation she thought  fuck it. I´ll just do it quickly, I won´t linger.

“do what you just did” she instructed as she approached you, so you did, still unaware of how close she´d get, you thought she´d just stand there and tell you what to change but then you could feel her presence right behind you and before you knew it she was pressed against you. the moment she touched you, any coherent thought left your mind and you were left trying to process all the physical sensations: her long hair falling down your shoulder, her face near yours, her deep voice mere inches from your ear, the front of her calves brushing against the backside of yours, and worst of all: her hand, her fingers adjusting yours, gently moving them into the correct position. suddenly, the whole room was a void to you, nothing around you registered anymore, your entire being was completely wrapped up in her impact and all of it made it nearly impossible to process what was being said.

“like this, okay?” she said as she could feel the shift in your physique, the way you seemed frozen under her, seemingly afraid but she knew it wasn´t fear, so despite what she told herself, she drew it out, staying like that for a moment too long, breathing in your scent, feeling your arm against hers, the warmth that your bodies were exchanging. for a moment she couldn´t help but savor the feeling of having that effect on you, against her better judgment she let herself feel the thrill of leaning over you like that until she came back to her senses and realized what she was doing, how her mind had made the jump to other situations where she´d be behind you like that, so to your disappointment she eventually let go. “okay, other than that I think it should be fairly easy”, and it was, for a while you both took turns, immediately making fun of the other one if they had a bad shot, silently mouthing along to the lyrics of the songs that were playing over the speakers that you recognized, a slightly awkward silence when it was a particularly romantic one. 

it was a nice and back and forth because both of you could feel the other´s charged gaze whenever it was your turn, you might or might not have done certain things on purpose, like bending your neck a certain way, biting your lip, pulling your shirt down so she would have a better view of your chest, if she dared to look, which to her own frustration she did, again and again, but you weren´t any better at self control, each time it was her turn you tried your best not to gawk her at her but she looked beautiful, her arms being the focus of the game was not ideal for keeping your pull towards her at bay. 

just as you were getting done with your last shot of the game, a young waitress came by to set down a drink in front of you, before you could finish the sentence “um sorry, I didn´t-”. she pointed down the room “it´s from the table over there”. you looked to where she´d directed your gaze and saw a group of three guys that seemed to be in their late 20s smiling at you a little too enthusiastically. “oh god no..” you uttered as you realized that they´d bought you the drink. they weren´t being too creepy about it but you hated the idea of having been observed without your knowledge, and you really didn´t want anyone to interrupt what you and Tess had going on, so you asked her “oh god, do you think they were watching us the entire time?” as you gave them a mild smile and looked away again, moving closer to her instinctively, “well if anything they were watching you”, she said, a mix of protectiveness and pride bubbling up in her, the former because she could tell you didn´t enjoy the attention you were getting, the latter because she thought tough luck guys, she´s more into me, which shocked her for a second, her sudden feeling of she´s mine, the way it went against everything she´d told herself about remaining detached. 

you got an idea then, “let´s leave” you said, as you reached for the drink that did look pretty good. without thinking twice you started guloing it down and when Tess realized you were trying to drink the whole thing at once she nudged you in the side “hey easy there”, but you were already finished by then, setting down the glass and exhaling in a slightly pained manner, she shook her head in disbelief, “are you trying to make yourself sick??” but you just smiled at her, a flicker of mischief in your eyes, and pulled her arm to make her follow you out, “I don´t feel like being watched any longer but didn´t wanna waste it, come”, so she let you drag her out, a smile on her face as she felt your fingers wrapped around her wrist.

by that time it had gotten dark and breeze that hit you as you stepped outside made you both sigh simultaneously, the parking lot was empty, it was just you and the intense atmosphere of a night out in the country and as you started walking you could feel the buzz of the drink you´d just downed getting to your head, so without asking first you steadied yourself against her, linking arms, feeling her slowing down her walk so you wouldn´t trip. after a while you realized just how comfortable you´d gotten with her, that you were acting the way you´d act with a close friend or a date, so once you´d crossed the street together you stepped away a little self consciously, but she didn´t mind, in fact, she almost reached for you to pull you back because she really enjoyed being held onto like that, but for what felt like the hundredth time that day she kept her hands to herself, clearly worn down from the constant effort of keeping suppressing her instincts, less and less willing to keep doing it. part of her was ready to just do what was wrong already. part of her was only waiting for it, the disaster, the point of no return. 

as you saw the pool that had been lit up by then, the delicious icey color that made the water look inviting, you got an idea, “let´s cool down for a second, come on!” you urged her, “you wanna get in with your clothes on?...” she asked, wondering if she was understanding you right, but that wasn´t the plan, you weren´t in the mood to shower again, “no let´s just put our legs in for a moment”, your voice giving away that you were slightly tipsy as you walked over to the edge of the pool and sat down, submerging your legs in the water until it reached up to right under your knee, the smell of chlorine weirdly nostalgic, transporting you back to carefree summer days as a kid.

“yeah this is nice, come” you said, waving her over impatiently as she still stood a few feet away, watching you, but eventually she gave in and got down next to you, consciously leaving a space about the width of a hand between your thighs. 

the air was finally bearable, still warm but not too humid, it was an idyllic moment, a deep silence you never could have experienced in the city, nobody around, the feeling of the gentle waves against your shins, it lent itself to introspection so for a moment you both just watched your legs as you moved them around a bit, accidentally touching underwater a few times but acting like nothing had happened. eventually you broke the silence, “kind of a shame that we´re gonna be home tomorrow already. I´m having fun”, of course Tess felt the same way but she wasn´t just gonna say that, not too fast, so after waiting for an answer that wouldn´t come you joked.“you know, now would be a good moment to tell me that you feel the same way”, which made her laugh, “I do, of course. this has been nice”, you turned to her then, “well that didn´t sound very enthusiastic, you can do better”, she smiled and turned to face you, “what do you want me to say, hm?” , you leaned closer then, a dramatic tone as you said “oh I don´t know, maybe that you´re obsessed with me, that you´re having the time of your life, that you wanna spend weeks and weeks with me, that I am the best traveling partner you´ve ever had”. 

she couldn´t believe how bold you were being, fixing you with a questioning look, “okay you´re drunk, aren´t you?”, you shook your head, protesting, “no”, “okay got it, you want me to blow up your ego a little, huh?”, she tried her best to divert attention from the fact that your exaggerated remarks weren´t too far off from what she actually felt about you. you shrugged, “sure yeah”, clearly wanting something else from her, she shook her head, “you´re not what I expected at all”, “right, let me guess, my dad advertised me as his perfect little angel baby” she grinned then, realizing that you knew exactly how he talked in your absence, “sort of yeah”, “do you wish I was more like that?”, you asked, she cocked her head then, giving a look that said, of course not, “no. would´ve been pretty lame”, you were pleased by that answer and leaned back, your back against the stone floor with your legs still dangling in the water, “oh damn” you said, as you saw the dazzling night sky, the lack of light pollution making it a thousand times more visible than you were used to, “look!” you told her, pointing up, so she tiled her head, “oh wow, that´s fucking beautiful.”, Tess couldn´t remember the last time she´d bothered to look up at the night sky and it struck her then that the whole day you´d succeeded in making her wake up to the world around her again, Tess wasn´t used to sudden rushes of excitement and joy anymore, she´d given up on that a long time ago, but there you were, again, waking parts of her up that had been dormant for a while, a genuine warm smile on her face that others in her life very rarely got to see.

laying down you closed your eyes, stretching your arms out and feeling your chest rising and falling as you took slow deep breaths. Tess remained sitting upright, for a second she also closed her eyes, but then she glanced down at you, your peaceful expression, and thought if she was my girlfriend I´d lean down and kiss her right now, just to see her reaction, she could visualize it perfectly, an initial moment of surprise followed by you smiling against her lips, she knew she couldn´t do it, but she thought of another way to get your attention back, so after about a minute of drifting off into a state of deep relaxation you were startled out of it by the sudden feeling of water hitting your face, cold drops splattered all over your cheeks and forehead. 

you opened your eyes and shot up while muttering “what the fuck??”, and the moment you laid eyes on Tess, her smug grin, you realized what had happened, “just making sure you´re not falling asleep there” she said, eyeing you, clearly amused by your reaction, so you got the sudden urge to do something to her too, thinking I´ll push her in, but she was too fast, she saw the thought forming, so the moment you lunged forward and tried to force her into the pool she grabbed your shoulders to push you back, which left you two in a struggle for power, one that she was clearly winning, her grip way too strong. you tried to muster up some force but you were clearly weaker than her, and something about it was thrilling, the proof of her strength, and it registered, she could tell that you took some sort of pleasure out of being handled like that, so neither of you let go, your faces barely a few inches apart as your fingers dug into the other person´s skin, you kept staring at each other and all of a sudden something like fear flickered through both of your eyes, because you felt it like electric currents, the rising tension between your bodies, the heat; she caught you looking back and forth between her lips and eyes, you saw her leaning forward a little and eventually you could feel each other´s breath as your touch slowly turned form forceful to gentle, your muscles not flexed anymore but you hands still where you´d grabbed each other. you almost pushed yourself to close the remaining distance then, you were so close, but then a door slammed shut nearby and abruptly shocked you both into letting go of each other, coughing nervously, adjusting your clothes, listening to the footsteps of the person who had just walked out until they were gone.

Tess was the first to get up, mumbling something along the lines of “yeah uh, it´s late let´s go inside”, while you kept sitting there for a beat longer, cursing the person who had walked out because you knew you wouldn´t just get a chance like that again, you could tell she was spooked, so if anything were to happen, you´d have to initiate it, you knew this and it frustrated you. once you walked inside the room you saw her rooting around in her back, neither of you knew how to continue after all that, so she took the easy way out, announcing “I´ll go get ready, brush my teeth get changed all that”, you just nodded, a quiet “okay” as she left you standing there. 

the moment that Tess shut the door behind herself she leaned back against it and put her hands over her face, breathing out like she´d just run a marathon, her heart still beating out of her chest, she was near paranoia at that point, wondering whether the timing of you being interrupted right at that moment was some final warning from a higher power, giving her one last chance to stop, to control herself. 

she knew she should have been grateful to get that chance, but she wasn´t, deep down she wished that things would have played out the way she wanted them to, the feeling of your breath against her lips was still burning on her skin and it was not going to stop until she´d feel it again, until she´d get to give you what you so clearly wanted from her. in an attempt to calm down she stepped towards the sink and splashed cold water on her face before changing into a loose tshirt and shorts with fabric thin enough to be bearable during summer nights. once she had nothing else to do in there she was dreading going back into the room because she had no idea what you´d do, what she´d do. it felt like she was walking into a trap: you and her in one room for the entire night. 

while she was going through all that you were trying to busy yourself, turning on the bedside lamps, shutting the curtains, eventually just sitting down and pretending to be busy on your phone until she walked back in again. you knew that was your cue to do what she´d just done so you said “yeah I´ll get ready too”, leaving her some space. you were quicker than her in there and less panicked, if anything you were frustrated because you were still so worked up from the image of her almost leaning in to kiss you, the thrill of that anticipation, and it made you feel determined then, staring at yourself in the mirror as you thought to yourself you´re gonna have to do it because she won´t. go back out there and finish what you started. she wants you to. so after a while you mustered up a good amount of confidence before walking back out again. 

what Tess did not realize was that she´d made a grave mistake by turning on the TV because with that she had given you the perfect excuse to sit down next to her, since her bed was the one directly facing it. if she´d just sat there reading a book or laying down, you would have had a much harder time finding a casual way to get close to her again, but the moment you saw that opening, you used it, walking over to her side of the room without even asking her if you could join her and sitting down on the right side of the bed, your back against the big pillow, your legs stretched out. she didn´t acknowledge it, she didn´t look at you or say anything, there was a clear effort on her part of acting chill but you could practically hear her blood rushing. sitting there, gauging the situation, you knew you´d have to be shameless because she wasn´t moving an inch, you´d have to break her, hit her weak spots, so in a first attempt to do that you moved your leg so it would touch hers, your knees making contact, she didn´t pull away but she also didn´t react, so you waited, your breath starting to get more shallow as you felt her skin against yours. Tess was frozen up because her mind was saying push her away, tell her to leave, make her go to her own bed but her instincts told her differently, so you went further, laying your hand on her leg, which sent a shock through her whole body and made her shake her head, finally speaking, her voice barely above a whisper, “we can´t…”, almost pleading with you then, which made you turn to her, waiting for her to look at you but she wouldn´t, so you stopped being subtle. 

after a moment of mustering up all of your courage, you got up and moved on top of her in one swift motion, your legs on either side of hers then, straddling her, trapping her, Tess´s hands were gripping the sheets to keep herself from touching you as you got comfortable and put your hands on her shoulder, staring at her with a fire in your eyes while she shut hers from the overwhelming sensation. “we really shouldn´t be doing this..” she said but you shut her up by leaning close to her neck, breathing against her skin, “I won´t tell a soul, I promise, I swear on my life”, you could feel her shuddering under you, so you made it even worse, moving your hand to hold her cheek as you whispered to her, “please Tess. please..” drawing out the words, a neediness in your voice that hit her right at her core. begging was the thing that always got her to her knees, so her will was completely broken by then. the feeling of your weight on top of her, your bare legs pressed against hers, your scent that awoke a visceral hunger in her, your relentless pursuit, all of it was driving her completely insane and the decision was already made, she was just drawing out the last few seconds where she could consider herself guiltless. the moment she heard you whining the word “please” again, no part of her was hesitant anymore; she let go of the sheets and grabbed your face to pull you down into a kiss.

you both kept your lips pressed against each other for a moment, prolonging the intense thrill of that first contact, before pulling back and kissing again, and again, and again, an erratic nature to it, her hands in your hair by then, and the most freeing thing about the moment was that neither of you tried to conceal your violent desperation because you could tell you were together in the feeling, you didn´t even try to stay quiet, moaning into each other´s mouths whenever you separated for a second, the sounds lower and mure guttural whenever they were trapped inside of you, a constant shifting of you on top of her, your hands on her chest to steady yourself as she pulled your face close, the kissing turning slower and sloppier the more time passed; the moment you felt her tongue against yours you were a mess and she could tell, you were moving against her thigh, not aggressively but there was a clear rocking of your hips and it turned her on even more, to feel you using her as she felt your tongue in her mouth, an almost perverse nature to how you were going about it then, sucking each others lips, licking over each other´s mouths, while you felt only the thin fabric of your shorts separating the ache between your legs from the muscle of her leg, which you were using to create friction, but Tess couldn´t just stay under you, she craved more, so eventually she put her strength to good use, pushing you to the space next to her on the bed and pulling your top over your head, throwing it to the floor and immediately grabbing your tits after, staring down at you in awe as you moaned from the sensation, “you´re so fucking pretty..” her voice even lower than usual, getting you even mor worked up.

she bent down to kiss your neck as she grabbed your hands to keep them at your sides, your fingers interlaced as she savored the feeling and scent of your skin, you could feel it with every kiss, how much she wanted you, how she was keeping herself from biting your flesh because she wanted to taste you that badly, it was turning your sounds even more desperate, the burn of her kisses all over your neck and throat as she moved down and let go of your hands to squeeze one of your tits as she ran her tongue over the other one, your hands on her back then, moving under the shirt that she still had on, scratching her a little as your nails dug in with the effort to hold on as she had her way sucking on the heavenly soft skin of your chest, surely leaving a few marks, switching between kissing and licking, fully lost in a haze of pure lust by then, there was no shame, nothing holding her back from taking what she wanted, from giving what you needed, in that moment you felt more present in your body than ever before, every breath left you feeling more alive, you could feel each of her fingertips leaving a deep impact where they rested on your body, you felt warm all over, not the usual kind of warm but the kind that spreads from your core out into every part of you, a visceral warmth, it was a type of arousal you weren´t familiar with, and she could tell, she was also lost in her need but she was more experienced, so she knew she´d have to take care of you right, which she was doing, you were blissed out by the feeling of her on top of you, her unrestrained claiming of your body as you pulled her shirt up and begged “please, I wanna feel you”, which made her undress too then. 

the moment she was topless you grabbed her face and pulled her down to feel her chest to chest, giving her a deep kiss as you felt her tits pressed against yours, a sensation that felt divine while making out, so for a moment you stayed like that, flush against each other as you continued the needy slow kissing from before, this is what it is supposed to feel like you thought because you knew you could do just that for hours and hours and still want more, you could feel her long hair falling down the sides of your face as you kissed and you loved that one feminine part of her, you´d admired her all day so in that moment it felt like a dream to get to feel her all over you like that, after a while she became impatient, she needed more, she wanted to please you as intensely as possible, so she moved down and helped you out of your shorts, leaving you exposed, her hands running over your thighs while admiring you, but before she could touch you the way she wanted to, you grabbed one of her hands and moved it to your face, your tongue running over her fingers before she went along with what you were doing and put her fingers in your mouth, your lips closing around them to suck on them, coating them in your spit, which was enough to almost make her black out then, her breathing all kinds of fucked up, interrupted by a moan, as you got lost in the sensation of having her in your mouth like that, a distinctly perverse feel to it that thrilled you both, “you´re a good girl, hm”, she breathed as you let go and made eye contact with her, which she held as she moved her hand between your legs to finally feel how wet you´d gotten, an involuntary “fuck..” as she felt your slick heat, you were soaked and she was getting off on it, the proof of your need for her.

at first she just moved her fingers between your aroused lips to savor the warm velvety feeling, the absolute mess that she was responsible for, a distinct whining sound from you as she did it, “you feel fucking perfect” she assured you, sensing that you needed more, she was careful then, watching your face closely as she moved up a bit, looking down at you as she pushed her middle and ring finger inside of you, a slight gasp from you, “okay?” she made sure, “yes, yes” you urged, a breathless tone, as you felt the initial burn subsiding, replaced by the pleasure of feeling her knuckle deep inside of you, she let you breathe through it for a moment before moving her fingers again, her free hand on the side of your face, which you leaned into as she fucked you the way she´d been dying to, the rythm slow and intense, a secure skilled nature to her movements, she knew what she was doing, she knew how to get you to lose yourself, fully, you felt an intense throbbing and pleasurable ache at your core, it spread through your whole body as you let out soft cries from the sensation, your hips moving up to meet her hand, she could have stared at you like that forever, the way your face twisted when she hit a certain spot, the control she had over your whole being in that moment, the needy whines that left your lips that made her unbearably soft for you, “you´re okay baby, I got you”, the baby slipped out, she usually never said it to hookups but you were different, she felt a deep affection for you, it made your lose your mind even more to hear her call you that while she was fucking you just right, her arm was strong so she wasn´t going to cramp up, a relentless pressure on the spot inside of you that was making you unravel, “fuck just like that don´t stop please” you uttered in a breathless tone, begging her to finish you off, your nails digging into her back as she leaned down and felt you struggling to kiss her back as she kept her fingers inside of you to angle them just right and push until you couldn´t handle it anymore, her own moans getting louder again as she felt your walls clenching around her fingers, your body exhausting itself with pleasure, “you´re close hm?” she cooed down at you, a weak nod as your head fell back against the pillow, your hair all messed up by that point, “you can cum sweetie, come on, show me how pretty you look”, her words were the final push you needed to surrender to the feeling that you were still trying to keep inside, but it was over, one more deliberate hard push from her fingers and you felt every single muscle inside of you tensing up, you´d had orgasms before but not like that, it was fully body, hot and close to a spiritual experience, your mind silenced by the intensity of your physical experience, she was completely in awe, staring at you, her free hand flat on your chest as she slowed down but didn´t stop yet, giving you a moment to ride out your high on her hand, eventually pulling her fingers out and hearing a whine as she did it, the sudden emptiness almost painful for a second. Tess left you a moment to breathe, to lay there, spent and flushed and still unable to think, savoring the aftershocks of the climax, the soreness that felt good, the little pains of sex that made it clear you´d had a good time. 

after a minute she caressed you, your stomach, your hips, drawing patterns with her finger as she asked “I wanna taste you so bad.. can I?”, you still sounded shaky as you nodded and said, “yes, I´ll be a fucking mess though”, she grinned as she grabbed your thighs and pushed them apart to get between them, “good, it suits you”, so you braced yourself for a good amount of over stimulation as she started kissing your inner thighs, biting down as she got further up because she knew nobody would see the indents her teeth left except you, she could tell that you were still weak so she held your legs in place with a firm grip as she got her face where she wanted it, at first just pushing her lips up against your cunt to coat them in your juices, before using her tongue to lick it all up, a filthiness that she loved, a hum of pleasure as she held you in place and licked all over your core in broad sloppy strokes, “fuck Tess” you whined, because you could tell you were gonna cum again if she didn´t stop, you were still raw and sensitive from before so it didn´t take much, her fingers dug into your flesh to keep you from moving away from her face as you failed miserably at keeping quiet as she sucked on your clit and made you finish against her lips, not as hard as before but still intensely, you were emptied of any strength by then, slack against the sheets as she also tried to catch her breath, wiping her mouth before moving to the empty space next to you and laying down too. 

for a moment it was perfect, she was still high on the feeling of you all over her, the echo of your sounds  fresh in her mind, your taste still all over her lips, but as her heart rate slowed down and her thoughts became clearer again the reality of her situation came crashing over her; she looked at you, the proof of what she´d done written all over your naked body, your face, and felt like the walls were gonna close in on her, so she got up, giving your leg a pat as she said “uh I need to-” stopping for a moment to breathe properly “I´ve gotta get some fresh air, I´ll be back in a second”. Tess picked her shirt up from the floor, pulled it over her head and walked outside. you could guess why she was acting that way, what she was thinking, so you decided to give her some space before going after her. 

as you laid there on your own, you knew you should have maybe felt a bit of remorse but you didn´t, at all, you smiled to yourself as you waited for you limbs to get less shaky and eventually got up, looking down at the red splotches that she´d left on your chest, on your thighs, tracing them with your finger before getting dressed and following her outside. 

once you walked out the cool night air hit your face and you saw her sitting at the table right next to your door, occupying one of the two plastic chairs, so you quietly approached and sat down opposite her, eyeing her as her gaze remained cast to the floor, her fingers tapping on the table, a nervous habit. you observed her for a moment before asking, “hey, you okay?” in a gentle tone, she still didn´t meet your eyes as she answered, “yeah I don´t know what the fuck is wrong with me. I really shouldn´t have done that”, you could tell that she was genuinely beating herself up so you said, “well, I initiated so-” but she shook her head and looked up at you then, “still, I should know better. I am responsible here”, you titled your head then, “Tess you know we are both grown right? you did nothing wrong”, she kept looking at you, her tone lower then, “he´d fucking kill me for this.” she said, plainly, a hint of fear in there, you knew of course who the “he” in question was, and it pissed you off, “he doesn´t own me.”. 

that surprised her, the seriousness and slight hint of anger with which you said that, it was not what she´d expected and you had more to say on the matter once you saw that you had her attention. “you know” you started, crossing your legs and leaning back, “I spent so much time of my life catering to other people´s needs, I went through some pretty horrible times without ever expecting much help or understanding, supporting others through their shit while I was also taking care of myself, so I think I deserve to go after what I want for once without crucifying myself for it. I have considered everyone else´s feelings often enough, I think it´s about time I look out for my own needs too. and I don´t wanna speak for you, but you also strike me as the type to deny yourself joy for some reason, some self-punishment thing maybe, I can tell because I have done that myself. so I mean this when I say it: we have nothing to feel bad for. this is our business, nobody else´s. and I for one wont apologize for being happy right now, because I am” she processed it, that impressive monolgue, your passionate plea for self determination, Tess cracked a smile then “damn. you´re pretty fucking wise” you shrugged, echoing what she´d said to you earlier, “I try” a pause then as she relaxed and felt the darker feelings leaving her system, replaced by the immense excitement she´d felt before, “you´re not a bad person and this doesn´t change that” you said, “okay?”, she nodded, trying to believe you which was made easier by your confidence, “okay.”. 

Tess realized then that she´d messed up by just leaving you there right after doing all that to you, she regretted it, that her conscience had gotten to her and that she´d missed out on the chance to hold you and lay there together, so she looked at you, endeared by the loving gaze you were watching her with and waved your over “come here” she said, smiling warmly, patting her lap, so you got up and walked over, hesitating a moment once you stood in front of her, so she pulled you down and wrapped her arms around your back to hold you in place, “you should know by now that I am strong enough to handle you”, you put your arms around her neck and smiled back at her, feeling her move one of her hands to your thigh, squeezing gently as you stared into each others eyes. “I´m sorry, I shouldn´t have left you there”, “oh it´s fine really, I can only think about what you did before that anyway” you said, running your fingers through her hair then and she looked all blissed out in that moment, she loved having you sitting on her, holding you close while you were being tender with her, “you´re so beautiful.” she said, an emotional tone, you could tell that she really meant it, so you leaned down to kiss her, a soft and romantic one, it was a dreamy moment, you were alone out there, an ideal temperature by that point, not cold but fresh, the sky still sparkling with stars, you both felt nothing but gratitude then, to be ending your day like that. 

you laughed then as you pulled back from the kiss, “god. I like you so fucking much. I don´t know what´s happening to me” which made her blush, “yeah me neither. I think I was close to passing out when you got on top of me” it came back to her in that moment, “oh yeah?” you liked hearing her talking about how she´d felt in that moment, she grinned, her hand caressing your thigh as she spoke “yeah, you got me good.”, “well you did too. but you know that, I wasn´t being very subtle about it…” you said, recalling how utterly desperate you´d sounded all throughout the act, “no need to be embarrassed, you sound hot”, you were the one blushing then, “stop” you said, looking away from her for a moment, “oh don´t act shy now, I know you´re not”, she teased, and she was right, with her you weren´t. you rested your head on her shoulder for a moment as she kept her arms wrapped tightly around your waist, before you both felt your limbs going numb, “okay, we should probably get some sleep”, Tess said, so you both walked back inside, not giving a fuck at all if anyone had seen you doing all that out there.

once you were back inside she could see you stopping in front of her bed, eyeing it like you were about to get in, “no, come on, we already did enough” she said while giving your back a light shove to move you away, “I won´t do anything, I´ll just lay there and sleep!”, you insisted, all sweet and innocent sounding, “I don´t believe you for a second” she responded, so you sulked a little as you walked over to your own bed and pulled up the blanket to get in.

“okay, have it your way. but you´re missing out” you told her from across the room as she smiled to herself, “I´m sure I am”. you both got comfortable and turned to face each other, resting on your pillows, arms over the blankets because it was too warm otherwise, your expression almost sad then, “oh don´t look at me like that” she pleaded, knowing that it would be a horrible idea to give into your wish, to allow intimacy like sleeping next to each other, she was already way too attached. you kept thinking about how you were dying to be held by her again and it was visible all over your face, so after a moment of silence and her staring at you, unable to free herself of the urge to reach out, she couldn´t deny you any longer, “alright, get over here”, which she didn´t have to say twice; it took about one second for you to hurry over and crawl under the covers that she was holding up for you, gesturing for you to get in. 

the moment you laid your head on her chest, she put her arm around your back to pull you closer, her other hand finding its way to your hair, gently running her fingers through it as you made a humming sound of pleasure, “better?”, she asked, a rhetorical question, “much better, and I know you agree” you said, a satisfied smile as you closed your eyes and relaxed into her. “can´t remember the last time I shared a bed with someone” you confessed, a moment of spontaneous honesty, “me neither” she felt like putting her cards on the table too, which was new, she´d hardly shared anything about her love life with you before but she wanted to make it clear that she was not used to it, being that close to someone. the moment was soft, quiet and sacred almost, after a long day of trying to figure each other out, trying to hold it all in, it was such a relief to have it all out in the open, laying there in each other´s arms, tired and content and aware that it was no small thing for either of you, to trust someone, to be vulnerable like that, after having gotten used to being on your own. your hand slid under her shirt and rested on her stomach as you both started getting drowsy and drifted off to sleep after you said a quiet “good night. sweet dreams” to each other. 

later that night you separated in your sleep, sprawled out on either side of the bed, legs and arms only half covered by the blanket, a deep peaceful sleep, which Tess only woke up from once, immediately putting her hand on your arm to feel your presence next to her while falling back asleep again. 

around 7 am Tess couldn´t sleep anymore because she usually got up around that time at home, so for a while she just laid there, enjoying the serenity of the early morning, the feeling of your body so close, until she became restless and quietly got up, careful not to wake you. she cracked the door open to let some fresh air in, stepping out to look at the cloudless sky, watching a few people smoking and drinking coffee outside of their rooms. around 7:30 she was dressed and sat down in the chair in the corner of the room to read but after rereading the same paragraph about three times because she wasn´t paying attention at all, she stopped lying to herself and did what she actually wanted to do: watching you sleep. 

she sat there looking at you, your peaceful expression, the way your body was twisted up in the bedsheets, your leg that was fully visible over the blanket because your shorts had hiked up during the night, your face resting on your hand as you slept on your side. it looked angelic to her, like a painting that some lovestruck artist had drawn of their girl; the way some light feel through the curtains and hit certain parts of your skin, your hair, she was trying hard to memorize every detail because she had no idea if and when she´d see you like that again. it almost made her laugh to herself then, just how deeply romantic she still was after years of not experiencing much romance at all, it didn´t matter, it was still there, her devoted nature, her desire for something all consuming and life changing. for the right person Tess was willing to bleed and ache and do the objectively wrong thing if it meant seeing them happy, seeing them well loved and healed by her affection in some way, even if it was just for a short while. nothing in the world was more important to her than feeling like she was actively making someone´s life a little easer and lighter, so seeing you in her bed, looking like you´d just gotten the best sleep of your life, it made her feel like she hadn´t done anything too unforgivable after all. 

around 9 am she knew she´d have to wake you up so you could get ready without being in a hurry, so she sat down on the edge of the bed and brushed a strand of hair out of your face, traced your nose with her index finger. when that didn´t wake you up, she shook your shoulder, gently, which finally made you stir and open your eyes, squinting them at first while you tried to recall where you were. “well hello sleeping beauty. you´re not a morning person, huh?” she said, smiling down at you as you came to your senses and shook your head, your voice slightly creaky as you said “no”, blindly reaching for her and placing your hand on her thigh as you closed your eyes again, “hey come on, no, you´ve gotta get up”, she said, touching your cheek, so you forced yourself awake, stretching your limbs out as you registered that she was already dressed and ready. “wait, how long have you been up?” you asked, propping yourself up on your elbows. “hm, like two hours?”, you looked at her then, “you should have woken me up”, “why? we don´t have to leave til like 10”, you smiled at her as you sat upright then, pulling her hand towards your legs which you´d moved onto her lap, “I wanna make use of all the time we have left together”, you could see a slight blush on her cheek then.

“just woke up and already flirting with me, huh?”, “yes, in fact I am. you look hot, I like this” you said, fingering the fabric of her button up shirt that she´d pushed up to her elbows, she didn´t say anything but stared at you in a way that made it clear that she enjoyed your shameless way of speaking to her, a contrast to all the subtext the day before, so she pulled you closer to kiss your cheek, feeling your arms around her waist as she did this, her lips moving to your neck for a second, getting a few soft sighs out of you that made her feel weak, like she should do more, but she pulled away just before a mark could form, taking in the satisfied look on your face before announcing, “okay, here´s the plan. we have to check out at 10:00, so I looked up places where we could get breakfast and I found this one that looks pretty good about 5 miles away. I think you could use some coffee hm?”. you nodded, moving your legs away from her and getting up from the bed, “yes sounds good, let me get ready, I´ll be quick”. 

after getting dressed you sat down at the small wooden table that had a mirror standing on it to take care of your hair and apply some skincare to your face, you could feel her eyes on your backside as you did this and it felt nice, to have someone silently observing your little morning rituals, to be witnessed by someone who clearly had a loving gaze directed at you. once you were done you joined her on her bed, “we still have 20 minutes” she said and for a moment you both just laid there, your bags packed, your room clean, nothing left to do. after a moment of comfortable silence, it hit both of you at the same time: the fact that you had no idea when you´d be together in private like that again; there was no clear answer as to when you´d share a room or a bed again, when you´d be free to do whatever you wanted again, so as you both turned to face each other, still untouched by any stress or exhaustion that the day might bring, your skin still sweatless and fresh, you both felt the need to touch each other, to do something, to use the bit of remaining time. 

you´d gotten very good very fast at reading each other´s expressions, so you knew she wanted you to when you reached over and slid your hand down her shorts, as she did the same thing to you, your arms touching where they crossed, both of you moving closer together to make it easier; it was very different from the night before, there was a slow sensuality to what you were doing, an intimacy that was pure in the sense that you just wanted to quickly make the other person feel good, no need to get undressed or make it a whole thing, a moment of desire that was comfortable and soft, relaxed positions while hearing the other person sigh and move their hips a little. you reached down each other´s underwear and started doing what you usually did when you masturbated, a laziness to it that lulled you into a state of arousal that was full body, intense but not violent or overwhelming. instinctively you started mirroring what she did, gentle movements at first, faint gasps from both of you, and it became a delicious game very quickly, to feel yourself growing hotter not just from the feeling of her fingers on you but the sounds that you were getting out of her, the sensations equally thrilling. Tess was obsessed with the way your lips parted, how head fell back, the way you needily pushed yourself against her hand, the way your sighs were slowly turning into moans, she could feel herself growing wetter just from that sight, it had been a while since someone had touched her like you were in that moment, so she was sensitive, an immediate throbbing sensation at her core the moment you increased the pressure of your fingers, matching the rhythm she was using on you then, a shared feeling of if i go harder, she´ll be louder, so you ended up pushing each other towards your orgasm at the same time, you didn´t even need to tell each other that you were about to finish because you could tell, your legs touching as you moved around more, finally tensing up as you came and felt the release tingling all over your body, a brief silence after you removed your hands from each other´s underwear and laid flat on your back, satisfied by the unexpected early morning action. 

eventually she got up and made a waving motion with her hand to signal to you to the same “okay, we should get going, get your stuff”, which seemed very typically Tess, following up a moment of vulnerability with a return to her stern giving orders vibe, but you didn´t mind at all, it was hot to you, her duality, the fact that she was so sweet to you but also had no problem bossing you around when she wanted to. you could still feel the heat between your legs as you moved to collect your bags and followed her out, a glow to you that was unusual, normally you looked mildly annoyed at that hour while walking to class, so it was a great contrast, to start your day on such a high.

the drive to the breakfast spot only took about fifteen minutes, which was a relief because you were both starving and in need of caffeine. you walked in ahead of Tess and were met by an older woman working there who reminded you of the women you´d grown up around, a cheerful demeanor, a thick accent and the immediate use of words like “ladies” while addressing you both, even though you definitely weren´t too ladylike, especially not Tess. it was an intriguing thing for her to see you talking to the woman as she assigned you both a table, the way you immediately slipped into a different vocabulary, the way she treated you like a sweet daughter of hers even though you were strangers. 

all Tess could think in that moment was if you only knew that she just jerked me off, a smugness to it, she liked that it wasn´t obvious at all to people what you were to each other, there was something undeniably sexy about being a secret thing. 

after you sat down across from each other there was a moment of silence and it was distinctly different to the kind that had hung between you the day before, it was comfortable and warm instead of apprehensive and charged, the kind that signals to onlookers oh yeah they know each other well, no awkwardness at all. after you ordered a good amount of breakfast foods to share and sat there waiting, you asked, “so, how long are you staying again?”. “two weeks. and I am so fucking glad right now that I declined your dads offer to stay at your guys´s place” she said, leaning back and crossing her arms, “well I´m not.” you said, which made her laugh.

“where are you staying then?”, you inquired, “at a friends place, she and her husband are out of town for a while, I am house sitting in a way” you pondered that, “hm right. you should give me the address”, “should I? so you can do what, come over at night?”, you shrugged, “maybe, yes, I´ll say I am going to a friends house”, “hm, I´ll think about it”, she said, but you both knew she´d tell you of course. 

“do you and dad have any plans?” you asked while keeping your hands busy with a paper napkin, absentmindedly ripping small pieces off. “kind of, we´ll go visit our college town one day I think, see how it´s holding up, visit old landmarks of our youth, all that sentimental stuff. other than that not much, guess we´ll see how it plays out. and you?” she said, leaning her head on her hand then, eyeing your curiously, “what about me?”. “you know, what are you gonna do with all your free time when we´re gone”, she asked, you thought about it, “god I don´t know. relax, sleep, go to this cafe I used to basically live in when I still lived at home. oh and I think my best friend from high school is coming back in a few days, so I guess we´ll hang out a bit”, that got her attention then, for some reason she imagined some beautiful prom queen type, luscious hair a bright smile, someone striking and charismatic, “best friend?” she probed, her tone low and a question hidden in there she wouldn´t explicitly ask, which you clocked of course and found charming, her inability to hide that she was the jealous type. “yes, best friend. she´s straight. besides, even if she wasn´t, not my type”, she relaxed a little because she could tell you weren´t lying, “right, a little too young for you, hm?” a cocky grin on her face as she said this, your sudden expression of shock giving away that she´d gotten you good with that one, you shook your head, “unbelievable..”, but you weren´t really offended, it felt good to be messed with. 

once the coffee and food were spread out before you, you both stopped talking as you were busy deciding what to indulge in first, you went for the waffles, she went for the pancakes that were generously topped off with chocolate chips and strawberries, a stark contrast to her usual first meal of the day which she hardly ever put much effort into. the thick syrup you poured over the waffles was running down the sides of them and pooling up so you used your finger to clean the plate, licking it off without thinking twice, but after a moment you could tell that Tess had stopped eating and just sat there looking at you, your mouth, you pretended you didn´t notice and decided to fuck with her a little, drawing it out, making it pretty obscene, the way you ran your tongue over your index finger, repeating it once you got the rest of the excess syrup off the edge of your plate; Tess was not subtle with her staring because it stirred something in her, the sight of fingers in your mouth, out of nowhere you felt a pretty hard kick to your legs under the table which made you stop and say “ouch?? what the fuck?”.

“I could ask you the same thing, we´re in public, you´re being mean” she said, “mean?” you said, raising your eyebrows, “yes, you know I can´t do shit right now”, you smiled at her then, pretending you didn´t know what she meant, “and what is it that you wanna do so badly?”, her eyes were still fixed on you, “how about you keep eating instead of giving me hell, could you do that?”, pointing at your cutlery, “sure.” you said, acting all nonchalant, drinking some of the orange juice and grabbing a strawberry from her plate as her demeanor relaxed again, “god..” she uttered under her breath as she picked up her fork again.

“oh by the way, you know you won´t get around at least one dinner with him and me right? he´ll insist”, you said,“yeah I know. should be interesting… I´ll just pretend you have an identical twin sister who is sitting at the table with us instead of you”, you laughed then, “sure, whatever works for you”. 

once you were done eating you sat there for a few more minutes, chatting, until you knew it was time to get back on the road. the hours that day predictably passed way faster than the day before, the way they always do when you´re starting to reach the peak of having fun and lose track of time. the first hour went by in a flash, the second was mostly spent telling stories about your lives that might amuse the other person, she of course had more years to choose from than you but you still found a good amount of stories from your adolescence that entertained her, neither of you had talked that much and that openly to someone in what felt like years, so you never ran out of things to say and never got bored, eager to connect and know more, even the seemingly irrelevant details about your lives.your bond seemed solid by that point, even though you´d only met the day before. two and a half hours into your drive the midday sun was beating down on the car and the open windows didn´t help much, so you decided to stop for gas and get some snacks and drinks, planning on a half hour break to cool off and regain some energy. 

once you were inside the station, you pulled her towards the back where people could get slushies, at least 10 different flavors to choose from, which didn´t seem like a bad idea to you in that moment. “oh I haven´t had one of these in ages, let´s get some”, she looked at you as you both stood there, “sweetie you know this is literally just sugar and food coloring right? like this is a fucking nightmare for your body”, you rolled your eyes at her, “jesus Tess, I didn´t take you for a health freak”.

“I don´t think it´s a health freak thing to not wanna rot your teeth”, you shoved her in the side then, “oh come on, live a little, you know sometimes the nasty stuff hits the spot”, she grinned then which made you register double entendre there, “oh fuck off just come here and choose, it won´t kill you”, so she gave in “okay okay, let me see”. you took a cup and handed her one too, “we should mix flavors I think, I remember that being good. I´ll do cherry and coke I think, classic. you?”, “hmm, I´ll do blue raspberry and coke”. 

after you walked back outside you sat down on the hood of her car, thankfully on your own, taking your first sips at the same time. “okay you´re right this does feel good” she admitted, immediately drinking more, savoring the feeling of the ice melting in her mouth, the sweetness giving her a rush while you just watched her, pleased with the sight of her all absorbed in the drink. after a moment of silence you asked, “wanna try mine?”, leaning over before she could answer, the distinct taste of artificial cherry transferred directly onto her tongue as you gave her a deep kiss, making sure she´d feel the residue of your drink, a quiet moan trapped in her throat as she felt your cold lips against hers, a distinctly youthful feel to it, using the excuse of tasting all the options as an excuse to kiss, to touch tongues, it was pure bliss for a moment, the warmth of the sun contrasted by the freezing drinks in your hands, your sloppy display of affection, the uninhibited nature of your desire for her, a sly grin on your face after you pulled back and licked your swollen lips clean, watching her use her hand to wipe hers while she shook her head and laughed to herself, her face flushed. “god what the fuck am I gonna do..” she said in an existential tone, looking over at you, the way you were using the straw to scoop some of the drink out, “like right now or..?” you joked, clearly understanding what she meant. “it´s gonna be such a nightmare to just leave in two weeks. I´m not built for casual at all, I can´t do all this and then just leave, that´s fucking insane.” you smiled at her, “yeah I know. about that, I kind of had an idea..” she was curious then, listening as you went on “you can say if this would be too much, but I could tell dad that I wanna go back to college a few weeks early, it wouldn´t be weird at all, a lot of people do it, and then I could.. you know. come visit. you could show me your city, your life” a bright expression on your face then as you imagined it. she eyed you, processing your proposal, “you´d do that, really? go behind his back and lie like that to come see me?” you shrugged, “absolutely yes”. 

it surprised her that you were willing to do all that and made it sound like the most natural thing in the world, it made it clear to her that she might not be alone in her slightly obsessive mindset when it came to what you two had going on. “I should probably discourage you from doing all that, but who am I kidding, that sounds great.” she thought about it for a second before adding “you´re really just gonna take the risk of living with me for a while?”, you laughed then, “risk? is there something you wanna tell me, criminal record or..?”, Tess shook her head,“no, I mean, not that I am aware of, but you know. you have no idea how I live, how I act in my everyday life, it could be a let down” your expression softened then, you could tell that she wasn´t used to having people stay over. “I grew up with a chaotic single father, I think I can handle about any strange habit you could possibly think of. I bet you´ll have to kick me out in the end because I won´t wanna go back to the dorms” she smiled at you, “well, I´ll drive you back to college then, see how you guys live nowadays. do young people still do a lot of drugs?”, she asked, half joking, “not the crowd I run with. but maybe I should start. any suggestions?”, you were alluding to her past which surely included more than one experiment with recreational drug use “none, don't start, it´s not worth it. but you know, smoking´s fine, your dad would hate that I am saying this to you, but I think weed has a time and place” you nodded, “we should get high together sometime. see what happens”, she nudged your leg with hers, “well I think I know what would happen”, a grin on your face as she said this, “I´d hope so” you said, brushing your knee against hers as you both finished your drinks, getting rid of the cups once there was only a small layer of colorless ice left at the bottom. 

you had about four hours of driving left, and after about one too many times of you distracting her by touching her, she took you up on your offer to take a break from driving and let you do it for the remaining distance. “I should have made you take over sooner, this is nice” she sighed, stretching out her legs and getting comfortable, doing the same shameless staring from the side that you´d previously done to her, which you didn´t mind at all.“you´re a better driver than I thought” she remarked, which made you turn to her for a second, “are you insinuating that you think young women are all bad drivers? pretty sexist Tess” you teased, not really meaning it, she smiled, “sure, you know me, huge misogynist”.

for a while then you just discussed the logistics of when and where you could see each other, which places in your hometown you might take her, when you might use the excuse of sleeping over at a friends place to spend the night at her place, and a few times Tess caught herself almost slipping back into the mindset of what the fuck am I doing here, but your words had stuck with her, she couldn´t remember the last time she´d felt that present and glad to be alive, so she thought of the sneaking around as something you just had to do, without building it up to be this huge moral issue.

 she looked at you a few times that afternoon and thought about how you had no idea that you were strong in some ways that she wasn´t, that you were teaching her certain things without even trying, it was an unexpected thing in your dynamic, that you were giving each other things that you needed without even having to ask for them. she was giving you a stability and security you´d been missing all your life, so often you´d been around people who stressed you out or who couldn´t control their moods, who relied on you to keep the peace, and being with her brought you a deep sense of calm because she was so opposite that, so attuned to how you were feeling, so willing to be the shoulder to lean on, both physically and emotionally. you were giving her a lightness and lust for life that she had lost a while ago, she was so used to settling for the bare minimum and just letting the days pass her by, that your sense of freedom and your way of making the most out of any situation you were in, paying attention to details and indulging in pleasures no matter how insignificant or strange they might seem, it was waking her senses up again, her need for more, for passion and fire, you were helping her see that there was no point in denying herself joy when it presented itself, just out of the fear that it might not last forever. 

around 5 pm you drove into your hometown and both of you suddenly quieted down, knowing that your road trip was reaching its finish line. you parked further down the street on purpose, you wanted privacy and no fear of being seen from the house for your last few moments in the car together, so once you pulled into a spot and turned off the ignition, you both sat there in a charged silence for a moment, a shared feeling of I don´t want this to be over yet. 

eventually, you looked at each other and she took your hand, giving you a reassuring squeeze, “ready?”, she said, “no.” you answered, a sharpness to your tone that amused her, watching you as your gaze wandered down onto your lap, the sight of your fingers intertwined, and all of a sudden a violent wave of emotion crashed over you; you realized just how much that time with her had given you, how fulfilled you were, how happy and carefree you felt with her, after missing that feeling for so long. you couldn´t do anything about the fact that you were tearing up and she could tell, “are your crying?” she couldn´t help but smile because she knew they weren´t tears of pain, you turned to her, a little embarrassed about it, looking at her intensely, a gentle touch on your cheek to wipe the tears as she almost felt her eyes glistening too, words weren´t needed, the way you looked at each other said it all. a spontaneous willingness to be risky made you both lean in for a kiss, even though there was a slight chance some neighbor or acquaintance could have been walking down the street, you didn´t care one bit, holding each other´s faces with urgency before pulling away and laughing, realizing at the same time how dramatic you were being. you wiped your eyes and shook your head, “jesus look at me…”, she grinned, “look at us. we´re fucked, aren´t we?”, you smiled at her, nodding, “looks that way”. Tess took the reins and moved to open her door, “okay, come on, we need to go”. 

as you walked down the street to your house you pointed out certain things to her, which house belonged to which crazy neighbor, where you´d once almost crashed your dad´s car right after getting your license, which tree you´d climbed when you were a kid. 

as you walked up to your house you felt her tap you on the shoulder, “you forgot something” she said, snatching her sunglasses from your head which you´d used to push up your hair during the drive, she put them on, giving herself the comfort of not having to make immediate eye contact with Joel once he opened the door, urging you to take the lead. Tess stood a few feet behind you as you rang the bell and he opened the door, immediately pulling you into a tight embrace, almost crushing you, “my sweet girl, look at you. I swear you get more beautiful each time I see you”, the hug lasted longer than the casual kind because you hadn´t seen each other since Christmas, a slight feeling of self consciousness as he showered you with affection in front of her. eventually you separated and he looked at Tess, a warm expression as you walked past him to get inside and left them standing in there in doorway as she walked closer. Joel greeted her “well well, and who do we have here” gesturing for her to also give him a hug, which she did, “hey Miller, been a while”, “yeah, too damn long” he said, glad to see her in person again since the last time had been over two years ago. 

he gave her pat on the shoulder, “I´ve gotta say, you look great” he told her, meaning it, “well, I´d say you do too, but you´ve aged quite a bit, my friend” she teased, which made him laugh, “ah there we go, just what I´ve been looking forward to, your unparalleled charm”. their immediate comfort around each other put her at ease, all the worries she´d had before about facing him after your time together, potential feelings of dread or guilt or terror faded away in an instant, replaced by a sense of excitement as she followed him inside. 

you had dropped your bags off at the bottom of the stairs and were waiting for them in the kitchen. once they entered the room he immediately went over to the fridge, “you guys must be dying of thirst, what do you want?”, you and Tess both pointed out the refreshments you wanted and took a few sips after he handed them to you, waiting for him to talk. “be honest with me, did she give you any trouble?” he asked, clearly addressing Tess but you spoke up before she could answer “which one of us are you asking?” you said, which made him laugh, “well, I guess both of you”, Tess chimed in then, “nothing I couldn´t handle”, you added to that, “I mean, putting up with you for two decades was good practice for one day with me I think” you joked, smiling at him, and he was relieved to see that apparently you had gotten along really well, “okay I see, you two seem a few things in common, huh” he was alluding to you both making fun of him, but you and Tess thought, well, you are right about that on many levels.

“so, tell me, what did you guys get up to? how´d the road treat you, hm?” an expectant look on his face as you and Tess briefly locked eyes, “you go” she said, keeping herself busy with her drink as you tried to find a way to talk about what had happened, starting simple with things you´d seen on your drive, what you´d had to eat and drink, little funny moments that you knew would amuse him, people you´d observed at all the stops you´d made, and his face immediately lit up as he heard you talking with enthusiasm, a kind he hardly heard whenever you called from college, a sense of pride over the fact that his idea to get you two together had been a good one.

Tess was lucky that he was busy paying attention to you, because as she listened to you talk from across the counter, the look on her face was not the look of an acquaintance or a friend, it was the distinct look of a lover watching their beloved, the kind that stops people in their tracks on the street with the need to witness proof of just how deeply humans can be impacted by each other, how bright our eyes can shine when we are facing what we love, whom we love.

once it was her turn to talk, it was your turn to be the lovestruck fool, admiring her as she stood there, the memory of her hands on you giving you a warm feeling all over, and all you could think was:

thank god I didn´t say no to going on that trip her. thank god I listened when my heart told me to do the “wrong” thing. thank god we still have the majority of our time together ahead of us, even though it feels like we already spent a lifetime together.

[xxlady-lunaxx]

platonic uzusane :3 i love these two so much — btw very spoiler-y

Over the years, Tengen and Sanemi had developed some sort of relationship. A sort of brotherly relationship, maybe. Often, Tengen found himself feeling like an older brother to the Hashira, which were almost all younger than him. But this feeling became more mutual with Sanemi throughout their time as Hashira together. They confided in each other, in some ways. Really, to anyone else, it would seem like very minimal ‘confiding’. But to the Hashira, it was a great step, letting trust and attachment build between two people prone to die at any moment. They spoke little, however, depending on the atmosphere to write their emotions in the air for them. It wasn’t hard for them to find connection after they got comfortable, especially since they held a mutual hate to their fathers (though only Sanemi’s was deceased).

When Tengen retired, Sanemi found himself almost alone for a while, staring uncomfortably at the empty spot in the Ubuyashiki’s garden during one of the biannual meetings. It didn’t necessarily impact him greatly because he rarely saw the Hashira at regular intervals anyway. But the days when it was hardest on him were the days he felt like absolute shit yet had no company to keep him from the thoughts, nobody he felt would ask no questions and continue a steady conversation away from anything sensitive. He really did not know what to do.

After the war, it was endlessly easier. Of course, the toll of it all and the amount of losses was so great, often Sanemi slipped back into his drinking habits. But Tengen was always there by his side, gently prying the bottle from his shaking hands and embracing him, soothing the worst of the pain until Sanemi was passed out in his arms. This became their routine for a while, nearly a year, until the grief became an endless, yet dull bruise in the back of Sanemi’s mind, though resurfacing easily if prodded. Nevertheless, his wounds scabbed over, making life more bearable. He would help out at the Uzui household often to keep himself busy, especially when there was a child on it’s way. He found the work and chores comforting, really, reminding him of the normal life he used to have before demons stepped into it.

The years droned on with a sense of tranquility that he made sure never to take for granted, clinging on to every bit of genuine happiness he felt. Two, three, four, years passed. They had lost Giyuu, but Sanemi refused to let himself spiral in the last months he had left. Tengen made sure to give him the best he could, though keeping a careful, parental watch on him. Summer came and went. Autumn crept fast on them but disappeared quickly into November. As Winter approached, so did Sanemi’s birthday. He fell ill, as Giyuu had before his death date.

It was a dreary birthday, in any normal circumstance, with rain pouring ceaselessly and a cold chill entering the house. But it wasn’t a normal circumstance, not with a certain death awaiting him just around the corner. Yet the birthday was possibly one of the best in the last few years—save for the one where one of Tengen’s children were born the same day, giving Sanemi a birthday twin with the baby’s cheerful laughter filling the air (it seemed to never cry, really).

Sanemi’s last birthday was by far one of his favorites, despite the weather and the ache in his lungs as he struggled to breathe through mouthfuls of blood. He was practically clinging onto Tengen as Suma helped him swallow the last bites of ohagi that had been homemade by the Kamado’s. Blankets engulfed him in warmth as the Uzui’s surrounded him, the children kept out of the room by Hinatsuru. As he gasped for his last breaths, he met Tengen’s eyes, the eyes of the man who had held him through possibly everything since his time as a Hashira. He had spent most of the last few days being nurtured by Tengen, but it made him feel safe and that alone was the most wonderful feeling. He smiled, and it came easily, even when he was barely forcing himself to suck in the final blissful moments of air. He sank down into the covers, his hand still holding Tengen’s as it fell limp.

To say this hurt, would be an understatement. But Tengen held himself together, despite watching one of the last friends he’d grown so close to die, practically in his arms. He stayed together when his wives helped him get the body to its burial sight. He kept strong through the funeral. But when night fell on the marking end of the first week of Sanemi’s death, he breathed in slowly and let out the breath with a shaky sob, bringing the stump of his severed arm up to meet the hand of his intact one, covering his face and shaking in his futon, unable to hold on any longer.

He had always been the stronger child, it seemed. Keeping everyone sane. With the Hashira, with his teasing banter that, despite other claims, made them feel almost regular, worrying about hearing another of his stupid jokes instead of the amount deaths they had seen in the last week. At home, training to be a Shinobi and lasting longest (save for his final living brother), pulling himself back together as quickly as he could and save face in front of his wives. He had been there for every Hashira’s death, from Kanae’s to Sanemi’s. He had been there. He had stayed true to his word to being loyal to the Corps, even when he had retired, continuing to do his best to help the Ubuyashiki’s.

But now? He felt meek, alone, and utterly helpless. In the dead of night, he heard shifting and the change of breath in Hinatsuru, meaning only that she had awoken. He wasn’t quick enough to stop his crying, still gasping for air when she slipped into his futon next to him, embracing Tengen in her gentle arms.

She spoke quietly, knowing that asking if he was alright would do nothing. She pressed her lips gently to his forehead, whispering small words of comfort and love. He barely registered the actual words, simply leaning into her motherly care. She cradled him in her arms, holding him as if he was a child, allowing himself to break down for the first time in his life. He let the grief and sorrow overtake him, burrowing in her hug as he drifted slowly off to sleep.

[legitalicat]

Appalachian Trailer Park!Sihtric - dating (SFW)

AN: This was supposed to be headcanons but now it's just turned into ramblings oops. This is not necessarily meant to be a universal Appalachian experience portrayal, but it is basically very close to mine and most people I grew up with. 😅

Collection masterlist here!

CW: Some sad moments, character death, AFAB!reader, talks of murder, talks of violence, blood a little, FLUFF (like tooth rotting kinda vibes)

Pairings: Sihtric Kjartansson x You

Word count: I'm guessing between 1 and 1.5k but I'm not real sure 😬 I kinda went crazy I will admit

You had lived in the same trailer park in the foothills of Appalachia your entire life. Despite anything that might lead someone to believe different, you liked it here. True, part of you longed for more. But how could one find more when their heart belonged to the mountains?

And maybe the cute guy who lived in the trailer across from yours had part of the reason to do that.

See, Sihtric moved in with his grandma, across from you, when you were both just entering high school. Your momma found out that Miss Ethel's daughter had been killed by her husband, and she had to take in her grandson because of it.

Miss Ethel was a lovely woman. She always volunteered to watch everyone's kids, during the summer she'd help provide the lemonade and the jar for catching lightning bugs. If anyone needed anything, from a cup of sugar to knowledge on hiding a body, Miss Ethel was there.

So, your little community welcomed the boy without a doubt. He didn't really cause any trouble, for the most part. Mostly just cussing in front of the little ones without thinking or throwing something in a fit of anger and making a loud noise.

Surely, wasn't a punishable crime.

Though it helped that you, the girl who helped tutor anyone who asked and baked cookies for the miners to have after their shifts, was sweet on him.

And boy, was he sweet on you.

He was working on his dirt bike in the driveway and you stepped onto your porch. Immediately, he fumbled around and dropped his wrench and cussed like a sailor.

Your cheeks heated up and you would debate to yourself on whether to go back inside or pretend like he wasn't there.

But your eyes connected. You waved. He waved. And it was the easiest thing in the world.

You started dating that same night, after he offered to teach you about his dirt bike and it ended with him kissing you.

Despite the doubts, you and Sihtric stayed together through it all.

Every year in high school began and ended with you walking through doors of the school hand in hand.

You both graduated, though him only by a thread.

He was there as you started college two towns over, close enough to commute daily so were still together.

You watched as he started working for the local garage.

When you were both twenty, Miss Ethel passed.

It felt sudden, especially for Sihtric, but you found out she had been sick for a while and just hid it from everyone. Including her grandson.

If anyone asked him, you were his rock.

You explained the situation to your college professors, and if you could make sure to keep up with your assignments according to the syllabus, they would find a way to make it work.

So you all but moved in with him officially in the weeks following. You had originally planned on waiting until you got your degree.

But you felt the need to take care of him. And at first he was just angry, angry at everything and the world and the gods and even God who he didn't believe in. He was going to work and coming home and going straight to bed. He wasn't eating, wasn't talking to you.

So, like any good girlfriend, you told him either he let you help him or you would beat him with a broom.

For the first time in weeks he laughed. You started staying with him that night and you just never left.

Before you knew it, you had graduated college, gotten a job in your field, and Sihtric was being poised to take over as shop foreman in the next few years.

And yet, you stayed where you were.

The trailer was nice. It would be fine until you got enough money saved up to buy a house big enough for the brood that Sihtric seemed to want.

For now? For now you had everything you needed. Sure the windows leaked sometimes if the rain rolled down the metal wrong way. Sure, Sihtric would sometimes have to spend a few days working on something else that broke.

But you had him. And that was enough.

The weeks may have been dedicated to work, but the weekends were for you.

Yes, you both always went to bed together. You always were affectionate (the man was a hugging machine after all).

But Saturdays he would wake you up by running a bubble bath for the both of you, using your favorite scent.

Then you would go get breakfast, usually going to Tudor's Biscuit World so he could get a bacon egg and cheese biscuit bigger than your face. You would get, as you called it, a deconstructed pot pie that you joked with him you would leave him for. He would tell you that would give him more money to work on his car.

But he would get you a pot pie at least once a week just because it made you smile. And you would get in the way help him at the fourteen million car parts stores he would go to just because you loved seeing him do what he loved.

Sometimes you'd go to the mall. It was slowly dying, all the family friendly fun stores quickly leaving. But there were still some good parts.

Like Rural King where you could get free popcorn and look at turkeys, chickens, and rabbits (plus any dog that people brought with them).

You would inevitably get sad when you were reminded you couldn't bring home the animals. Like, tears in your eyes, heart aching sad because you just wanted them to have a home.

Which would be forgotten, until you came back at least, when Sihtric promised you he would buy you a milkshake and a stuffed animal or a book of your choice.

Sihtric watched as you practically skipped to the bookstore. You spent an hour there, talking about books you wanted to read but couldn't buy because you couldn't buy the whole series and you were not doing that to yourself right now.

So, after getting your milkshake, you would go find a stuffed animal that spoke to your soul.

He would carry around the contenders for you, because it was those specific ones that spoke to you and you couldn't risk putting them back until you were certain.

And when, inevitably, you came to two that you couldn't pick between, he would tell you get both.

He spoiled you, truly.

Sometimes you would go to a local bar. Not because you personally drank, but mostly because watching drunk people do karaoke tickled something inside your brain.

It also meant Sihtric would wear his white tank top, which showed off his arms in the perfect way. And maybe you would be jealous over the way women looked at him. But how could you be when his arms were wrapped around you all night.

The man was not at all subtle about showing you off.

And if a drunken idiot got too bold with his words about you, Sihtric would suddenly be in protective mode. His voice firm and commanding when he gave the warning to the idiot, making your face a little hot (which you swore had everything to do with embarrassment and definitely not how his voice affected you).

If that wasn't enough to deter someone, and they dared touch you, that was it.

See the only reason you and Sihtric had not been banned from this bar was because Sihtric played just inside the rules.

No fighting in the bar. Fine. Sihtric wouldn't.

He would just gently move away from you before grabbing whoever touched you and throwing them out the door and into the dirt.

He would spend a few minutes wailing on the idiot, getting hit a time or two himself since he had had a few drinks.

But he would come back, knuckles busted, some blood on his shirt or spattered along his face, a bloody lip.

He would settle back in his spot as a waitress brought y'all an ice bucket and the first aid kit (which they regularly replenished now because of Sihtric).

You would get him just cleaned up enough, his hands in the ice for a few minutes at best, when he declared he was done and tired and just wanted to be with you.

So you would drive home, with a tipsy Sihtric singing loudly whatever love song played on the radio cause you would need further proof of his love.

You would settle into bed, being held close to him as you read to him until he fell asleep, and you followed him soon after.

Sundays would depend on you.

Sihtric practiced Norse paganism. You parents were very active in their Methodist church. It caused some conflict, especially when Sihtric started talking about your future children.

If you wanted to go to church with them, Sihtric would kiss you before you left to go and be in the parking lot to pick you up afterwards. There would always be flowers waiting for you. Sometimes it would be dandelions, as you insisted they were beautiful even if they were weeds, sometimes butter cups, and sometimes you got lucky and he had seen tiger lilies.

He would smile at you and kiss you while he handed them to you, ask if the service was good, and then take you somewhere to get lunch.

If you didn't really partake in their church, you both would stay in bed until noon. When you would wake up, you'd crawl out of bed and cooked some breakfast foods that would wake Sihtric up. He would sleepily stumble in the kitchen, grabbing the coffee you set out for him.

Sunday was a lazy day. You guys lounged around the house. Sometimes you both would play video games, sometimes you would watch a show.

There were times when Sihtric's friends from work, Uhtred, Finan, and Osferth, would come over on Sundays. You liked those guys a lot, if you were honest. They were all respectful of you, and kind, and Osferth cleaned up after them so you wouldn't have to. And mostly, they made Sihtric happy.

Sihtric and you would walk over to your parents' for Sunday dinner around 5pm.

Despite the differences in beliefs, and the way your dad not so subtly didn't really like him, Sihtric was respectful and kind to them.

He was the one who insisted you come, telling you he would give anything to have dinner with his family one more time, even if he didn't remember his dad fondly. Family was important to him, even if yours didn't like him, and he wanted you to have that

He would stay quiet, even taking his hat off when your dad would say grace.

He would make polite conversation, always eagerly bragging about you whenever he got the chance.

Sihtric would compliment your momma's cooking. She liked him, but since your dad didn't she tried to act like she didn't.

But she always managed to get him a little extra food to take home, would put his favorite cobbler in the dessert rotation, and make sure his favorite drink was always somewhere to be found.

Your dad was polite. That was about all he could manage. And that was fine, according to Sihtric, because he knew your dad couldn't bitch him out for making you happy.

Sunday nights would end back in your home. You would listen to his talkings of your life together. The promises he made.

He insisted once he became foreman, he would buy you a big house with a dishwasher and enough room for all the animals you could ask for.

You two would be able to have a family of your own, ideally with four children or more, and he would give you everything.

You assured him you knew he would keep the promises he made you. But you always thought to yourself how you would be perfectly content with him, here, forever.

You had a roof over your head, food in your kitchen, electricity and water on demand, and a whole lotta love. You had Sihtric.

It was a simple life. But it was yours.

Side note I could not find the original source of this picture if someone knows please let me know.

Taglist: @foxyanon

[tobiasdrake]

Digimon Adventure 01x11 - The Dancing Ghosts! Bakemon / The Dancing Digimon

Previously on Digimon Adventure: Mimi got harassed again and then thwarted Devimon's Black Gear by starving in its general direction. Meanwhile, Koushiro discovered the Dungeon Map. Since Mimi has the Compass, all they need now is the Boss Key.

Now two island shards and four kids are on their way back to the child murderer. That's not necessarily a good direction to be moving in but it is what we're doing.

(Warning: Very long. This one is intensively dialogue-heavy and the dub changes so much.)

We open on a long panning shot of Infinity Mountain, rising up to Devimon perched at the peak.

Devimon: Chosen Children... Curse the fates that have befallen you! Ahahahahaha!

My man, you do not have to worry about that. They curse the fate that's befallen them practically daily. Mimi just cursed her fate so hard, you have no idea.

That long sweeping shot means Dub Devimon has to vamp for a bit, so his dialogue is longer.

Devimon: I, Devimon, had completely separated those seven brats and their pesky Digimon! That is, until that Tai and Mimi caught up with Matt and Izzy! But I'll make sure they never find their other friends. Especially with the plans I have for Sora and Joe on that lovely day, the Bakemon Holiday! Ahahahahahaha HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Bakemon pronounced (Bah-keh-mon). Nobody tell Devimon that these island shard episodes are happening simultaneously to one another. Also, spoilers, geez. :P

(Can you imagine if they were happening sequentially? We start each one at night with the kids on their beds and then the sun comes up during their episode. That would mean Izzy and Mimi were on those beds for a full day, and Joe and Sora for two. ...poor T.K....)

Jou's bed did not have the luxury of landing on an island shard. Instead, he's been left adrift in the ocean. We find him cursing the fate that's befallen him.

Jou: This is why I didn't want to go to summer camp....

The dub changes out his despair for seasickness. That's not necessarily added; He does get seasick later in the scene. But it is a different source for his present turmoil.

Joe: There's one thing I've learned in Digi-World: Beds don't make good boats. Urghhhhh....

It's at that moment he realizes that while he's been in his fugue, Gomamon's finished off what's left of the emergency rations.

(I'm surprised there was anything left in that bag. The kids managed to stretch a three-day food supply for six children out to six days for fourteen. They've done an admirable job of only leaning on the emergency supply when absolutely necessary.)

Jou is absolutely livid.

Jou: THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO SUMMER CAMP!!! I have to study for entrance exams next year to get into a prestigious middle school! Gomamon: No point in telling me that. There's nothing I can do about it. Jou: (picks up Gomamon and shakes him) THEN WHO DO I TELL!? THERE'S NO ONE HERE BUT ME AND YOU, GOMAMON!!! Gomamon: That's true, but we should try floating with a bit more hope in our hearts. That way, we won't end up getting seasick-- Jou: (shakes Gomamon some more) WHAT DO HOPE AND SEASICKNESS HAVE WITH EACH OTHER!? (Suddenly, Jou's forced to release Gomamon and vomit over the side.) Gomamon: Are you okay? Jou: No, I'm not. Gomamon: (rubs his back) That's why I said to have more hope.

Once again, we see Jou cracking under the intense pressure that's been placed on him. This time, not for his responsibilities to the younger kids surviving with him, but for his entire situation and the societial obligations of his age.

Jou was under a lot of pressure before he even came to File Island, and this whole intensely stressful situation has only made it worse. That he's one of the kids whose personality grates against his Partner's rather than meshing with it (Sora, Koushiro, Jou) only serves to amplify his stress.

Similar to his despair, the dub cuts this context surrounding Joe's emotional state. They keep the argument locked on Gomamon eating the food.

Joe: DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO EAT ALL THE FOOD SINCE WE DON'T KNOW WHEN WE'LL FIND LAND!?!? I told you that we'd need to ration, which means to save food for later. As in much later! Gomamon: But it is later, Joe; You told me that twenty minutes ago. Joe: (picks up Gomamon and shakes him) TWENTY MINUTES IS NOT MUCH LATER!!! PLEASE TELL ME THAT THERE'S STILL SOME FOOD IN THE BAG!!! Gomamon: Well, no. Since you can't handle eating and floating on the ocean at the same time, I ate it all. Besides, I need food to Digivolve in case we run into bad Digimon. Joe: (shakes Gomamon some more) SO HAVE WE SEEN ANY BAD DIGIMON!?!? NO!!! IF I STARVE, WHO ARE YOU GOING TO PROTECT!?!? (Suddenly, Joe's forced to release Gomamon and vomit over the side.) Gomamon: That's enough about food. Joe: Urghhhhh.... Gomamon: (rubs his back) Things will get better soon. Hang in there, buddy!

Admittedly, it may have been difficult to localize the pressure of entrance exams to middle school. That's a facet of the Japanese education system that I'm not sure we have an equivalent to here in the U.S.

Nonetheless, the dub version of the scene is much weaker. The original is a characterization moment centered on the philosophical differences between Jou and Gomamon while fleshing out Jou's anxieties. We lose just about all of that in the dub, which replaces it with a comedic misunderstanding bit.

Suddenly, the boys see a massive crate floating their direction. This changes everything.

Gomamon: A box? Jou: Maybe it has food! Like bottles of fresh water and sterilized food packages! Gomamon: No way. Jou: (shakes Gomamon) YOU JUST TOLD ME TO HAVE MORE HOPE RIGHT NOW!!! Gomamon: Calm down.

Jou's expectations are fairly reasonable for what seems to be a drifting supply box floating in the ocean. Joe's imagination runs away with him.

Gomamon: That crate is gonna hit us! Joe: Maybe it's full of fruit, vegetables, bread, milk, cereal, hot dogs, cookies, candy, and soda! Gomamon: I wish. Joe: (shakes Gomamon) YOU WISH!? WE WOULDN'T NEED MORE FOOD IF YOU HADN'T EATEN OURS!!! Gomamon: You're strong when you're hungry. Joe: Starvation is a good motivator! Looks like we'll need a jackhammer to open this....

They don't use jackhammers to open crates, Joe. The word you're looking for is crowbar. "You're strong when you're hungry" as a response to Joe's third shaking got me, though. That was good. XD

Good news for Jou is that the box is self-opening!

And it has a toy surprise inside!

(I desperately want to be a fly on that wall when Ogremon was making this plan. I don't know what's more ridiculous: That he sealed himself in a box and trusted the currents to carry him to Jou, or that this worked.)

With Jou isolated and defenseless, Ogremon swings at him with his club, throwing a set of horizontal strikes. Jou and Gomamon jump, avoiding some swings of his club while bouncing the bed in the ocean and carrying them under others.

Frustrated, Ogremon opts for a vertical swing instead, cracking the bed in half.

Fortunately, the halves remain buoyant for Jou and Gomamon who are split between them.

Gomamon conjures up his Marching Fishes, erupting from the ocean and throwing themselves at Ogremon. As his colorful fishes harass Ogremon with their tiny tackles, he explains his plan to Jou.

Jou: The wicked Digimon Ogremon is being defeated by the likes of fish! Gomamon: Ogremon grew up in the Great Canyon mountains, so he should be weak against the smell of raw sea fish! Ogremon: HAOUKEN!!! (pulverizes the attacking fish with bursts of dark purple energy) Gomamon: ...or so I thought, but I guess not.

It was a good plan, Gomamon. I'm sorry you were defeated by Power Levels.

Dub Gomamon gets philosophical with this.

Joe: What powerful force could cause this evil Digimon to be driven back and outmuscled by a bunch of small fish!? Gomamon: When the small and meek join forces to fight for a good purpose, they can often bring about the downfall of the big and powerful. Ogremon: Rargh! Get off me! (pulverizes the attacking fish with bursts of dark purple energy) Gomamon: Then again, sometimes they haven't got a chance!

Sorry, Gomamon, but today is not the day for seizing the means of production. But some day! VIVE LA REVOLUCION!

Honestly, I like both of these versions. Both Tactical Gomamon and Philosophical Gomamon have their merits.

It's not enough, though. With his back against the wall, Gomamon vindicates the dub's earlier point about needing his strength to evolve, and turns into Ikkakumon. Pushing through Ogremon's rapid-fire Haoukens, Ikkakumon headbutts him backwards, then nails him with a point-blank Harpoon Vulcan, knocking him back into the box.

Then he takes his kid and swims away, leaving Ogremon adrift in the ocean.

Ogremon: Damn it! I can't follow because I can't swim!

Oh wow, this was a terrible plan. Have fun rowing back to shore, Ogremon. In the notoriously unpredictable waters of the goddamn ocean. Hope you know how to navigate by the stars.

Dub Ogremon also refuses to get out of the box, but doesn't state his reasoning.

Ogremon: COWARDS!!! Go ahead and run! See how far you'll get! 'Fraidy cats! Come back and fight! I dare ya! Come on!

But the implication is nonetheless there, as we still get to see his visceral panic reaction upon realizing he's about to step out into the waters.

As they swim away from Ogremon, Jou curses the fate that's befallen him one more time.

Jou: I knew it was a bad idea to come to camp....

While Joe curses his fate in a different way.

Joe: Oh man. I don't like adventure. I'm a 'stay at home and read' kind of guy.

Unfortunately, the fight with Ogremon took a lot out of Ikkakumon. Before long, he loses his evolution and turns back into Gomamon, helplessly plunging both him and Jou into the ocean.

(RIP Senpai. I can't say I'm surprised that you're the first to die but I can be sad for you all the same.)

Meanwhile, on a nearby island shard, Piyomon returns to Sora, hopping over to her. She finds Sora taking a much more proactive approach to the Starving Digimon problem than any of the kids have thus far.

(And yet Koushiro gets the reputation as the smart one.)

Unfortunately, she has to make do with what she has on-hand.

Piyomon: Fishing? Sora: I thought I should try to get some food. Piyomon: You're so smart! I'm starving.... Sora: The bait is just a twig, though. It'd be great if some fish out there thought it was a worm... (glancing back at the island) How'd things look in there? Piyomon: I can't see anything because of the fog. I think this might be an island.... (Suddenly, Sora's twig bobber goes underwater) Piyomon: AHH! You caught something! Sora: (struggling with the rod, excited) There is a big fish stupid enough to fall for the twig!

SUCCESS!!! Piyomon braces Sora and helps her pull, struggling to bring in their unbelievably heavy catch! But, to their surprise but not the audience's, their big stupid fish is Jou-senpai.

Meanwhile, in the dub, Biyomon already knew Sora was fishing.

Biyomon: Catch anything? Sora: Not yet. Give me time; I'm hoping to catch something big. Biyomon: I've even be happy if you caught me a little sardine. Sora: Please, I know how hungry you can get. If I caught a huge 'any kind of fish', you'd be right there eating it with me, right? Biyomon: Well, since you put it that way.... Do you really think you can make a big catch? (Suddenly, Sora's twig bobber goes underwater) Biyomon: Oh, look! Maybe there's one now! Sora: Oh boy, it feels like a whale! This is a whopper for sure!

Like Jou's argument with Gomamon, this is a worse scene all around. We lose the brief exposition that Piyomon's been off trying to scout the island, and they removed the funny joke about Jou being a stupid fish in a localization that's actively trying to make things more light-hearted and funny.

While Jou recovers by the fire, Gomamon explains what happened. He woke up underwater, spotted Jou, and tried to carry him to surface. Then he saw Sora's twig bait and hook nearby. He grabbed it, wrapped it around Jou, and let Sora pull them both to surface.

Jou survived his plunge in the murky waters, but Gomamon has other concerns now.

Gomamon: Can I ask for a favor? Piyomon: What is it? Gomamon: It's about Jou. Sora: Is there something wrong with him? Gomamon: He's becoming more timid by the moment. Sora: Well, he never had a strong heart to begin with. Gomamon: We don't know what's going to happen from here on. If he stays like this, we can't have a proper adventure! Piyomon: So what should we do? Gomamon: Let's make him our leader so he can gain confidence.

Gomamon's concerns for Jou are valid, but we also see a bit of Gomamon's flaws creep up when he talks about wanting to have a "proper adventure". This is one of the traits that causes his personality to grate against Jou's; Gomamon's an impulsive thrill-seeker.

Dub Gomamon broaches this subject differently.

Gomamon: I'm worried about Joe. Biyomon: You are? Sora: Joe's going to be just fine, Gomamon. Gomamon: Well, yes. Physically. But I'm worried about his confidence. Fighting Ogremon back there really knocked him out. He needs to rebuild his self-confidence. Biyomon: How can we help him? Gomamon: Very simple: We just make him our leader.

The dub cuts Sora's observation that Jou's always had a weak stomach. That's something we saw for ourselves back in the Unimon episode, when he had his first pressure-induced meltdown. (Over eggs!) Instead, Dub Gomamon blames Ogremon's ambush for Joe being like this.

Which. Uh. Is a choice, to be sure.

"Let's make him our leader" also kinda comes out of nowhere without the context that Jou is the oldest and meant to be responsible for us to begin with. Gomamon's asking Sora to step back and let Jou-senpai take charge like he's been trying to do since episode 1.

Once Jou wakes up, the others put the plan in motion. Jou is initially reluctant once the topic is broached with him.

Jou: Where's everyone else? Sora: We don't know. We just got here ourselves. That's why you should be our leader, Jou-senpai! Gomamon: Agreed! Piyomon: Agreed! Jou: W-W-Wait a minute! Sora: You're the only one who can do it! Gomamon & Piyomon: Right, right! (Jou considers their words. Slowly, the trepidation on his face transforms into determination, and he stands up.) Jou: Fine then! I'll be the leader! (In the distance, a bell rings suddenly) Jou: Huh? ...is that bell ringing to celebrate me being the leader? Sora: Seems unlikely. Piyomon: (gasp) The fog is lifting! (Everyone turns and watches the fog fade away, revealing a church at the top of a hill)

Over in the dub, Joe wakes up rambling about Ogremon, following through on Gomamon's statement that the ambush messed him up.

Joe: Where's Ogremon!? Biyomon: He's gone. Sora: But we've got a bigger problem. We can't find the others. What should we do? We're stuck on this deserted island with no leader so I guess you're going to have to lead us, Joe! Gomamon: I'm for him! Biyomon: And me! Joe: Not me! I am not a leader! Sora: You have to! You're the strongest one here! Biyomon: Not to mention the bravest! Gomamon: Come on, Joe! Remember how you fought the Unimon? (Joe considers their words. Slowly, the trepidation on his face transforms into determination, and he stands up.) Joe: I am brave! You're right! I am the bravest one here! Sora: Well, let's not get too carried away. Joe: Oh. But if I fail, who will save save you or me? Sora: My fish line? (In the distance, a bell rings suddenly. Everyone turns and watches the fog fade away, revealing a church at the top of a hill)

This exchange has some good bits in it. I like Sora playing up their crisis with "We're stranded on a deserted island, help us!" That bit would go great with original Jou's particular anxieties. I also like Gomamon bringing up Unimon, though in the dub he says "the Unimon" for some reason. Might be a line flub.

What i don't like is that, again, they cut out a funny joke in this lighter and goofier rendition. "Do you think the bell's ringing to celebrate me being the leader?" is a great bit. They actually moved the ringing of the bell to get it out of the way for Sora's less funny "My fish line will save us?" bit.

Localizers, why are you removing jokes? Someone didn't understand the assignment.

The ringing of the bell seems to becoming from that church. Where do we go from here, Jou-senpai? Of course, anyone who's been paying attention to Jou knows exactly where his mind's about to go.

Gomamon: It's a church! Jou: There might be humans there this time! Sora: (skeptically) ...you think so? Piyomon: LET'S FIND OUT!!! (starts to fly towards the church) Sora: Wait! Jou is our leader! (turns to Jou) Leader! What do we do? Jou: Huh!? Um uh you see.... (looking absolutely terrified) E-EVERYONE, LET'S GO!!!

For once, Jou's interest in finding humans makes its way into the dub, but only in passing.

Biyomon: What do you suppose it is? Sora: Looks kinda like a church. Joe: Wherever there's a church, there's usually people! Maybe even our friends! Sora: Someone should check it out. Biyomon: I'll go! (starts to fly towards the church) Sora: Wait, Biyomon! Joe's our leader now! (turns to Joe) Well? Lead us! Joe: W-What if we see a bad Digimon? I, uh.... (looking absolutely terrified) I need a moment! ...okay!

From there, they begin their march up the hill. Jou mercifully lets them climb in silence while Joe insists on chanting an army marching cadence. Poor Dub Sora.

At the top, they take in their surroundings and get an understanding of their shard.

Jou: Just like we thought, this place really was a part of File Island before it broke up.

A fairly simple assessment that the dub makes much more complicated, filling dialogue into the scenes of the kids looking around.

Joe: Notice anything? Sora: It all looks sorta familiar to me. As if this were a place I've dreamed about or deja vu. You know, like we've been here before. Joe: You're right. This definitely looks like the part of the island that broke away.

So, in the dub, Sora and Joe are pretty sure they've been to this part of File Island before, even though they have not. Further, I had to listen to this several times to make sure I was hearing it correctly: Joe says "the part of the island that broke away" as if there were only one. I'm hoping that's also a line flub.

Lot of inappropriate the's going around the dub today.

From there, Jou gets into it once more.

Jou: Okay! Now we can finally find humans besides us at that church! Sora: Do you still believe that? Jou: YES! They must be there this time! Sora: But you don't have any proof.... Jou: I AM THE LEADER!!! Sora: Yes, but-- Jou: LET'S GO!!! (races off)

Of note: Every time they say "leader", they're using the English word as a loanword. When Jou comically cuts off the argument with "LET'S GO!!!" and bolts, that's English too.

Again, Joe actually brings up Jou's hangup on finding other people, but in passing once again.

Joe: So, we should find everyone else or at least some other people taking shelter in that church! Sora: You're assuming quite a bit there. Joe: FINE! That's my opinion. Sora: I'm just giving you another view.... Joe: I'M THE LEADER HERE!!! Sora: Okay! Excuse me. Joe: LET'S MOVE OUT!!! (races off)

Without Jou's long history of "I bet there's humans!" followed swiftly by disappointment, it's trickier for the dub to make this brief squabble work. They made more work for themselves by carving out that part of Jou's character earlier.

This isn't a mistake or bad choice on the part of the dub but rather an unfortunate reality of the changing language: Sadly, "LET'S MOVE OUT!!!" doesn't hit as comically as Jou interrupting Sora by screaming "LET'S GO!!!" in English and running off.

As they watch Jou run towards the church, the others hang back to discuss his behavior.

Sora: Why is he getting so worked up? Gomamon: (proudly) He's turning into a leader! Sora: (laughs) Hahaha what.

Dub Gomamon's not so impressed with Joe.

Sora: We've created a monster. Gomamon: Hey, do you think a Black Gear got him? Sora: (laughs) Hahaha Gomamon!

There we go, lighter and goofier dub. That one got me. XD Though the original's good too. Sora refusing to even dignify Gomamon's remark with a response; Instead, she just barks out "Sou ka!" while laughing in his face.

As they approach the church, the team spurs Jou to action.

Piyomon: What's that? Sora: Go take a look, Leader! Jou: HUUUH!? Piyomon: Go look! Sora: LEADER!!! Jou: ... Gomamon: Want me to go? Jou: There's no need for you to do that! I'm the leader, so I'll go! (storms off)

As Jou marches off to investigate the church, the trio exchange self-pleased grins. Meanwhile, in the dub:

Biyomon: Who's going in? Sora: What are you waiting for!? Joe: Uhhh huhhhhhh... Biyomon: What's wrong? Sora: Well, boss? Joe: ... Gomamon: Joe, you're the leader! (annoyed) Do you want me to take a peek? Joe: No, I don't want you taking a peek! I can't wait to go in there! (storms off) Gomamon: I think it worked.

Lateral difference here; They're mostly the same, but I do like how the Japanese version manages to do more with fewer words. At one point, Sora's literally just chanting the English word "LEADER!!!" at Jou.

Making his way inside, Jou finds a most unexpected sight.

Man, I sure am glad nobody spoiled the intrigue and suspense of this moment by calling it the Bakemon Holiday right at the start of the episode! No, I kid; That was probably necessary in order to preserve the tension to come.

Creeping around the church, Jou discovers a group of humans in human-faced masks dancing together. He races frantically back to the others and delivers the news: There's people in the church.

Jou: There really are humans here! Lots of them!

Joe delivers the same news but he's judgmental about it.

Joe: There are people in the church! Dancing! Badly, I might add.

Rude. XD

Jou brings the others back to his peeping spot to see what he found.

As the group observes the dancing people, they don't notice a man in a mask coming up behind them.

Jou: Why are they dancing? Sora: Is it a festival? Masked Man: This is a carnival where we give offerings to Bakemon-sama.

Horror scare chords play as he speaks, and the kids scream in panic. To be expected; He said they give offerings to "Bakemon-sama", which is sure to set off alarm bells in any Japanese person's head.

Bakemon is named for the word "bakemono". It's an umbrella category of shapeshifting yokai known for taking on the form of a variety of things, including impersonating humans. To my understanding, it's also a general term for "spooker" in common parlance.

Either way, "Bakemon-sama" is a red flag to be sure. He might as well have said, "Here, we give offerings to Lord Slender Man." This is probably why the episode had to spoil the "Bakemon Festival" earlier, so American kids could have their skin crawl too.

In the dub, we get this exchange.

Sora: There are people. They're dancing and they're wearing masks like it's Halloween. Masked Man: Hallow-what?

Bit of a weak line, but it still works within the context of the scene. When the kids scream and panic, it's in reaction to the man's presence moreso than what he said.

The masked man brings the kids inside the church, where six other masked people are gathered around an altar. As they enter, Gomamon has something bothering him.

Gomamon: I'd like to ask something. Masked Man: ...go on. Gomamon: You mentioned a Bakemon-sama. Masked Man: Yes. Gomamon: The Bakemon I know is a ghost Digimon who lives in the Overdell Graveyard. I don't think he's worthy of being given offerings and having '-sama' added to his name. Piyomon: Me neither. Masked Man: (leans in close to the Digimon) God does not forgive those who speak rudely of Bakemon-sama! Gomamon: Sorry! Piyomon: Sorry! Sora: Where's your offering? I don't see it anywhere. Masked Man: It's here. Jou: Huh? Where? Masked Man: Our offering to Bakemon-sama is YOU!!!

Over in the dub, the Masked Man is much more verbose as he brings the kids into the church.

Masked Man: They're celebrating the Bakemon Holiday. Joe: It reminds me of Halloween! Masked Man: We'd love to have you join us. We don't have a lot of young people around, and no holiday is complete without them! You arrived just in time for some... fun.... Joe: Like trick-or-treat? You do that for Bakemon? Masked Man: Yes. Gomamon: Wait, Bakemon? As in Lord Bakemon? Masked Man: Yes? Gomamon: But the only Bakemon I know of is a horrible Digimon who lives among ghosts as their ruler. Why would you honor and celebrate someone like that? In the words of our friends, he's like a loser! Biyomon: You got that right! Masked Man: (leans in close to the Digimon) Don't you dare come in here telling us who to honor or not! Gomamon: Now, now! Biyomon: Back off! Sora: You're a little touchy. We just wanna know when the trick-or-treating starts. Masked Man: You're not afraid? Whole Kid Group: Nuh-uh! Masked Man: Well, you should be. Because it's a TRICK!!! AND YOU'RE THE TREAT!!!

They really play that Halloween thing for all its worth. That's fair; "It's a trick and you're the treat" is a payoff that goes hard. Credit where it's due, that is fantastic wordplay for a guy hearing about trick-or-treat for the first time in this conversation. Mad improv skills.

Though they're forced to stretch for the Bakemon-sama bit. Gomamon himself has to ID him as "Lord Bakemon" so he can then go off on how inappropriate the honorific is. Probably should have let the Masked Man refer to "Lord Bakemon" for that; It's awkward as is.

The man's mask cracks in front of the kids' eyes. Then it breaks and the bakemono reveals its true form.

Specifically, Bakemon himself, an Adult-stage Virus-type Ghost Digimon.

Narrator: Bakemon. A ghost Digimon that wears a white sheet. No one knows what its true form looks like underneath.

Gomamon handles the rundown for the dub.

Gomamon: The Masked Man was the evil Digimon Lord Bakemon in disguise! No one had ever seen him in his true form!

Once again, the original manages to be funnier than the dub. Bakemon is an actual ghost doing the "spooky white sheet to look like a ghost" bit. XD This is such a goofy episode.

The other worshippers turn towards the kids, shedding their human guises and revealing themselves to be Bakemon as well. In the dub, they shout "Trick!" "Or!" "Treat!" as they do, committing to the bit.

The kids panic and flee outside, only to find themselves in Overdell Graveyard. The dancing humans were also Bakemon this whole time.

Then, at last, the church itself changes, revealing it to be decayed and decrepit.

No option left but to fight. Piyomon lets off a Magical Fire to scatter the Bakemon while Gomamon tries to evolve; However, he used up what strength he had earlier, so no dice.

Gomamon: I can't evolve now because I used it up earlier!

The dub uses this to pay off the food argument from the start of the episode.

Gomamon: I need food! You were right, I should have saved some earlier.

If he'd saved it earlier, Ogremon probably would have killed them both. But they're trying to give this episode some semblance of a story arc after erasing the key points of it.

Piyomon tries to evolve as well, but she's too hungry. Defenseless and surrounded by Bakemon, the kids are completely outmatched. The Bakemon swarm and overwhelm them easily.

"Ow! No! I'm allergic! I'm allergic to pain!" ~Dub Joe, relieving the tension with a pretty good gag. XD

Gomamon and Piyomon are thrown in a dungeon cell. The Bakemon tie up Jou and Sora on their altar, gathering around it and beginning their ritual. They aren't saying anything in specific in the original, but in the dub they chant, "It's a trick! You're the treat!"

Jou: Are we going to be offered to Bakemon-sama? Sora: Looks like. Jou: (bawling) I knew I should have stayed at home studying instead of coming to camp! (A pair of Bakemon approach with salt and pepper shakers. They season the kids, causing Jou to sneeze.) Sora: I-I think you should go light on the salt, don't you? Bakemon: You're right. They say eating too many salty things is bad for your health. Jou: I knew it! Bakemon-sama is planning to eat us! Sora: Just who is this Bakemon-sama!?!?

Glad to see Sora looking out for Bakemon-sama's health. His worshippers were about to give him high blood pressure. XD

Over in the dub, Joe's still trying to take charge and be the leader.

Joe: Okay, don't panic. I'm still in control and feeling strong. Sora: Okay. Joe: (bawling) I don't wanna be somebody's appetizer! I'm supposed to go to Med School! (A pair of Bakemon approach with salt and pepper shakers. They season the kids, causing Joe to sneeze.) Sora: Salt and pepper? You're not really going to eat us, are you? Bakemon: You're a little on the scrawny side, but you'd be surprised what the right seasonings can do! Joe: You think we can finagle him into dining on someone a bit bigger? Sora: What kind of fiend is this guy!? We're just kids!

Here, the dub finally nails the "Why did I go to camp" bit with Joe's exclamation about Med School. Additionally, Joe trying to weasel out of this by convincing Bakemon to eat someone else is fun. Meanwhile, the original has the funny salt exchange. So both versions of this scene are pretty good.

Down in their cells, Gomamon and Piyomon plot what to do. They need to escape somehow but they're starving.

Gomamon: The walls are too thick to break down. Piyomon: We have to get out somehow. Bakemon: (snores) Gomamon: Let's trick that Bakemon into getting us out. He looks stupid enough. Piyomon: What makes you think he's gullible? Gomamon: Digimon who sleep with a mucus bubble coming out of their noses are easy to fool. Piyomon: Is it really a good idea to judge based on that? Gomamon: Yep! Piyomon: So how do we do it?

It's true. Sleeping with a snot bubble while on guard duty is a universal indicator of being a hapless rube.

Over in the dub, the roles are reversed.

Biyomon: There must be a way out of here. Gomamon: Maybe we've been looking in all the wrong places. Biyomon: There's not much room to look in this place. Bakemon: (snores) Biyomon: Hey! We may be able to trick the guard and escape? Gomamon: We may be able to trick him? I think that's a given; He doesn't look too smart. Biyomon: Right. So first we have to try and wake him up. Gomamon: And how are we gonna do that? Look at him. For a ghost, he sleeps like a log! Biyomon: We just have to get his attention or we'll never escape! But I'm all out of ideas! Gomamon: I think I have just the thing.

Again with carving the funny bits. Why did you remove the mucus bubble call-out?

To get Bakemon's attention, Gomamon picks up a rock and pops his mucus bubble with it, waking him up. Then we get the most amazing exchange in the entire episode.

Gomamon: Bakemon! Bakemon: Are you talking to me? Gomamon: I am. Bakemon: What do you want? Gomamon: Try to torture us. Bakemon: What. Piyomon: We want to be tortured! Bakemon: You two are weird Digimon. Gomamon: We're hungry. You should eat something in front of us to torture us. Bakemon: Huh!? Gomamon: Could it be that this graveyard is so poor, you don't even have any food? Bakemon: What!? No! We have tons of food! Piyomon: Then torture us with it! Bakemon: Okay....

This poor Virus is so baffled right now, it's amazing. XD

Obviously, the dub was never going to let these characters start shrieking, "Torture me, Virus-sama!" No way in hell that makes it to broadcast on FOX Kids. But they still try their best to make this scene their own.

Bakemon: Hey! What's the idea!? Gomamon: So, when do you start? Bakemon: Start what? Gomamon: Start taunting us, you floating bag of wind! Bakemon: Wha--? Biyomon: You give bad Digimon a bad name! Bakemon: But I haven't learned how to taunt anyone yet.... Biyomon: It's easy! You just find out what we want, then don't let us have it. Bakemon: Huh? Gomamon: Here's how you taunt. We're starving and want to eat. So you show us food but don't give it to us, got it? Bakemon: I think I gotcha! You know, I've got a bunch of bananas.... Biyomon: Then taunt us with them! Come on! Bakemon: Okay!

This is pretty clever. Playing off their Bakemon being dim-witted, Gomamon and Biyomon trick him into letting them teach him how to be cruel. It's not nearly as funny, but it captures the spirit of Torture Me, Senpai in a way that would be acceptable to American censors.

Bakemon goes and retrieves a bunch of purple bananas. Real bananas, not like those imposter bananas Mimi found. He tries simply peeling one and eating it, but they explain that they can't see. They're too hungry to see or smell the bananas; He needs to come closer.

Once he's close enough to the bars, Gomamon and Piyomon grab him, yanking him forward and knocking him out. With bananas in hand, Gomamon and Piyomon satiate their hunger.

Up in the church, the Bakemon prepare their ritual.

Jou: My soul tastes awful! Sora: What? Are you saying mine tastes better!? Jou: Yes! It probably tastes better than mine! Sora: JOU-SENPAI!!! And you call yourself a leader!?

Jou is now actively trying to throw Sora under the bus to save himself. That's not very senpai of you, Jou.

The dub edits this to remove Jou's supreme moment of cowardice.

Joe: You don't want to eat me; I'm mostly gristle anyway. Sora: What's that supposed to mean? Are you saying they should eat me first!? Joe: Oh, can't you see it's curtains for both of us!? Sora: Oh, go have your pity party somewhere else!

A much softer interpretation that cuts out Jou explicitly saying they should eat Sora instead of him.

The Bakemon perform the ritual, swirling together above the kids to merge together into a single huge Bakemon. With visible claws.

The process of merging into Bakemon-sama is silent in the original, but the dub has the lesser Bakemon perform a chant.

Bakemon: We're scary ghosts! / We like to boo! / Now it's time / to boo on you!

Once formed, Bakemon-sama descends upon the children, preparing to devour them. However, right at that moment, something bursts up through the floor behind the altar.

Don't know about you but I wouldn't want to be under that sheet right now.

Sora and Jou come untied... somehow, it's not super clear which titanic Digimon carefully snipped their ropes. They race out into the graveyard to take cover behind graves while the explosive battle takes place.

Bakemon uses his signature Hell's Hand to deflect Ikkakumon's Harpoon Vulcan and Birdramon's Meteor Wing. We're throwing everything we have at him, but he's taking it all.

Suddenly, Jou has a revelation.

Sora: Bakemon-sama is much stronger than I thought! Jou: Well, he's a ghost! (lightbulb) To fight against ghosts, you need to chant a sutra praying for God's good grace! Sora: Chant what!? Jou: By chanting the sutra, Bakemon-sama's power will weaken! Sora: Can you do that? Jou: Yes! Sora: Do you know any sutras? Jou: My rural grandmother taught me one so I could pray to do better on my exams. Sora: ...will that work against Bakemon-sama? Jou: It's a sutra. It has to work! Sora: What's with this sudden confidence? You're scaring me!

For fuck's sake. You can feel the localizers crying with every scene of this episode. Okay. Now we have to scrub the religious references from Jou praying to God for holy power to weaken Bakemon.

Hahaha. Ahahahaha. Ahahahahahaha. Okay, Joe. Let's see what you've got.

They start by chopping up the footage. The shot for Sora's first line is cut and Joe's first line is trimmed down. They reframe his lightbulb realization as him watching the fight and exclaiming, "WHOA!" and only use that shot for the duration of the reaction.

To fill back in the runtime for the shots they cut, they replay Bakemon parrying Harpoon Torpedo and Meteor Wing. But they put a commercial break between the original attacks and the replays so it's not as noticeable.

This way, Joe is confident and self-assured right from the get-go. We don't see his transformation from terrified to suddenly realizing he knows what to do. He's just got this on lock.

Sora: Lord Bakemon is tough! Joe: His power comes from evil. But I know that good can beat him in time. Sora: Ohh, what if it's too late!? Joe: It's never too late to fight evil! But we have to weaken Lord Bakemon to help our friends prevail! Sora: We!? You're the leader, not me! Joe: Don't be a quitter! Sora: So what makes you think that we can beat him? Joe: I once saw a show about this Roman physicist. He believed that repeating a phrase helped you focus mind over matter. Sora: Let's focus on running! Joe: No. We focus on making Bakemon lose his power! Sora: ...okay, you're in charge. Start focusing.

Wow, it's funny that the dub cut the line about eating Sora instead because they nonetheless threw her on the fire to make Joe look good here. She goes from being uncertain about Jou's plan and probing for details to full-on cowardly so that Joe can encourage her.

Using Sora's hat as a ritual drum, Jou performs his sutra to weaken Bakemon-sama. Meanwhile, Joe performs his definitely not a prayer mind-over-matter affirmation, intoning "Bakemon lose your power" again and again. They can't say he needs a ritual drum, so Sora instead simply suggests that we "use [her] lucky hat".

The sutra works, gradually diminishing Bakemon in size and power. Once he's weakend, Jou leaps up and gives the order to open fire on him.

Birdramon and Ikkakumon's shots hit home, causing Bakemon to explode in a shower of fabric confetti.

Sora: I have no idea what just happened but that was so cool!

I guess this makes up for trying to get Bakemon to eat Sora instead of him earlier.

Once again, the dub cuts out this great line and replaces it with something much more generic.

Sora: Way to go, guys! You got Bakemon!

Why. Why do you keep removing the funny.

Bakemon's... defeat? Death? Unclear. Whatever happened to Bakemon ruptures a seam in the ground, revealing the Black Gears.

We don't even need to touch them. They stop moving suddenly, then fall apart. Rather than going into reverse, they break entirely. So this shard's not going back to Infinity Mountain like the previous two are.

That's okay, though. We have transportation.

Reasoning that the rest of the group will be over there, Jou and Sora leave their shard behind and set sail for Infinity Mountain. We close on the pair riding off to an uncertain fate.

Assessment: In contrast to the previous two episodes, this one doesn't give Sora much of a character study. It's Jou's episode from start to finish. Sora agrees to Gomamon's plan, following Jou around to puff up his confidence. She questions and scrutinizes him repeatedly but remains firmly in that area.

They squabble repeatedly, but it never feels like it's pitting them against one another, the way the previous episodes did for Taichi & Yamato and for Mimi & Koushiro. Instead, the focus is on pushing Jou to his lowest, then raising him to his highest.

By the end of the episode, he feels like he's genuinely become the reliable upperclassmen that he's been trying to be. His plan against Bakemon relies on not just leadership, but drawing from knowledge that Sora hasn't yet had a chance to learn.

At the same time, this is the funniest episode the show's had thus far. Overflowing with absurdity.

On the other hand, the previous episode with Mimi and Koushiro was the best dubbed episode we've had yet. This one was the worst. They carved out so much and only sometimes had something as good to replace it with. A lot of it they had to carve out but there's also plenty that they didn't. Multiple places where they made a choice to be less funny or less interesting.

[stayevildarling]

Billie Dean Howard x Reader- I wanna be yours

A/N: I just woke up from a nap and had a dream about Bette Porter. This reminded me so much of Billie so here we are. Hope everyone is doing well🖤

Prompt: You are working as Billie‘s assistant and you are utterly in love with her. Thinking you are quite subtle about it, you quickly realize how wrong you are as Billie can sense a lot more than just ghosts.

TW: flirting, slightly smutty

word count: 1.7k

Tag list: (if you wanna be added or taken off, send me a dm or an ask)

@lunaticwhittaker, @billiebeanhoward, @lanawinters-ily, @kenzbro, @minaslittleone, @httpfiftyshadesofgay, @whitelotus00, @ninaahs, @vintagepaulson, @isle-of-earle, @paulawand, @paulsonsratched, @stepintomyworld

„Is there anything else I can get for you Ms Howard?“ you ask, wrapping your hands around the little folder you carry with you at all times.

Your boss hesitates and you could tell there was something on her mind. You had worked with the medium for quite a while now and despite always trying your best to stay professional, you could tell there was something wrong.

The medium flutters her fingers, touching her fingernails and you could tell by now this meant she was nervous about something.

„I..“ The blonde hesitates and you notice she starts to shake a little bit.

„I don‘t think this is working anymore, you can‘t work for me any longer“ she almost mumbles, the regret and shame visible in her voice and features.

Your world stops turning for a minute. It feels like your breath is knocked from your lungs and your feet swepped away from you.

In the past few months working for Ms Howard, you never thought this job could become something more than that for you. It surely wasn‘t your dream career to be working as an assitant but somewhere along the lines it was all you wanted and needed.

It started off well, learning her coffee and lunch orders and little errands that Ms Howard required during her day. It wasn‘t necessarily part of the job description but you liked running errands for her and making her day a little better each day.

Her words take you back to the first day you saw her, unlike everyone you weren‘t obsessed with Billie Dean Howard, medium to the stars. You had heard about her of course and you watched bits of her show but you never thought you could like her this much.

However, meeting her for the first time completely took your breath away. Your hands were shaking throughout the whole interview because her appearance was breathtaking. Her blonde curls, her perfectly manicured fingernails to her perfect carefully picked outfits. Everything had to match, whether it was a set of pearls on her neck or her perfume. She was quite literally breathtaking.

Of course you had to remind yourself of your part in this, that you aren‘t supposed to be liking her or looking at her this way but you couldn‘t stop yourself. Especially with the little nicknames and petnames that sometimes slipped from her lips. „Thank you darling“ after bringing her her morning coffee and breakfast order.

The two of you grew closer in the months leading up to this, using the summers to stay longer in the office or going to drinks together, of course with more people from the office or using the colder months to go on walks to watch the sunset and so Billie could clear her head, this often helped her to rewind from her days or give her new ideas for her shows.

At some point you earned the mediums trust, maybe it was the way you always quite knew what she needed or that the emails, letters or whatever needed doing was finished each morning before she came into work. When a day at a set didn‘t go quite well, a spirit spooking her a little bit, she wanted to run to you. She wanted to see your calm little face and she liked being in your presence because she felt like you cared and that made Billie feel safe.

Safety isn‘t a feeling Billie would use to describe her life before meeting you, in her childhood she didn‘t necessarily feel safe most of the times and certainly not in her younger years when she suddenly saw bloody ghosts in her bathroom. Figuring out she was a medium and learning how to use her powers helped of course but she never felt quite safe, not knowing when she would have the next scary encounter.

Despite the blonde seeming tough on the outside, it didn‘t quite not affect her like everyone thought. She did spend some of her nights alone crying, finally being able to let her guard down without everyone watching her. Most people didn‘t see her as that but Billie also felt anxious, she didn‘t always like walking into a building, despite knowing there is a camera following her. She did get scared, shaky and sweaty hands and the ocassional heartbeat rising.

„I‘m so sorry Ms Howard, did I do something wrong?“ you ask a little shocked. Your mind automatically runs to a million things you might have done wrong.

„You really don‘t need to call me Ms Howard“ she almost whispers, the guilt causing her perfect features to crease.

Her office fills with silence, everyone already having left for the night and you aren‘t sure what you are meant to do. Should you just leave and accept her decision or should you try and fight for your job and being able to stay in her presence?

„I‘m sorry Ms- Billie“ you reply, feeling a little shy to use her actual name.

„You haven‘t done anything wrong darling“ she replies to your inital question.

Her guilty eyes meet yours after a second and you can‘t help but stare into her brown eyes.

„Then what is it?“ you ask a little hesitantly, as part of you feels like you deserve an explanation.

It takes the blonde a while to reply, you can visibly tell she is struggling to speak the words that are so clearly on her mind.

„It‘s the way you look at me“ she states eventually and the confusion is written in your face.

„I‘m sorry, I don‘t understand“ you explain.

Billie‘s hands start shaking again so she tries to cover it up by playing with her rings.

„You look at me like you are in love with me“ she finally lets the words escape her.

In the past few months you hadn‘t noticed but Billie noticed that your eyes started sparkling whenever you were near her. It looked as if Billie was your whole world, like her presence made your whole day better and as if you would change your whole world for her.

The blonde never knew that feeling as she never found the right person that wasn‘t just after her fame, money and status or wanted nothing more than to spend a night with her. However from her friends and various romantic movies she watched, she knew what it looked like when someone was in love.

She couldn‘t stand the fact that someone truly loved her but at the same time she knew you and she knew that you didn‘t just want those things from her. You liked her for the way she is but that terrified her, so she is trying to do the only thing she has learned her whole life to avoid these feelings.

„Believe me I have had a fair share of assistants that wanted me to do them right on this desk but none of them looked at me the way you look at me“ she explains.

You gasp a little bit, thoughts instantly filling with your head, even though you try to ignore those. Part of you wants to run away and part of you isn‘t sure whether you should stay.

„I‘m sorry.. I..“ you can‘t even form a reply worthy of what she just said. You know she is right and that you have feelings for her and of course you know it‘s inappropriate as she is your boss.

„So is it true?“ Billie asks, catching a glimpse of your eyes before taking a step towards you.

Your breaths gets caught in your throat and you start feeling a little dizzy as you see her beautiful brown eyes lingering on yours.

The blonde is scared, she is terrified of the idea of someone loving her like this, truly and unconditionally, without any intentions other than honest ones. But there is something about the way you still look at her that she can‘t quite comprehend.

Even of the possibility of being sent away and Billie calling out your feelings, you still have that sparkle in your eyes, mixed with a little bit of fear. It‘s as if she could hear your heart beating out of your chest.

„I do“ you whisper as she keeps taking steps towards you, taking all your bravery together. If you had to decide between losing your job or losing the medium forever, of course you would choose Billie, you would choose her in every life time and every universe.

Despite only blinking for a second, while taking a deep breath, it feels like an eternity and when you open your eyes again you suddenly see Billie‘s warm eyes right in front of you and feel her warm breath on your face.

„Kiss me, darling“ Billie whispers before pulling you in. When your soft lips touch hers it feels like your world is complete. If you were to die in this moment it was all worth if, just for her and for this kiss.

The blonde smiles a little into the kiss as your hearts now beat loudly against each others chests. She could tell this was a hungry kiss but it was also really gentle. She could tell you would never want to hurt her and only the best. Despite her being your world you want to give her everything and she can feel it by the way your lips touch hers.

As you stop kissing to gasp for air, you lean your head into Billie‘s neck and she wraps her arms around you. „I never said I didn‘t want to be done on your desk though“ you whisper.

The medium gasps and smiles in surprise at the same time and gently her hands wander down to your hips, her lips finding yours again and gently moving you over to the table, when your back hits her desk gently. She lifts you up and leans down you, trailing your face and neck with kisses.

„What would you like babydoll?“ she whispers, while still kissing you.

„I wanna be yours Ms Howard“ you whisper and smile cheekily and all you can hear in return is a pleased chuckle from the blonde, still lingering over your body.

[nikkiruncks]

My take on Nate and his relationships with his parents

With Sherri, it’s hinted that she’s never really had a stable relationship, which while I believe has affected Gwen more than Nate, I also feel that it has affected Nate as well.

But I don’t necessarily see that resentment towards Sherri the way Gwen seems to have. I actually feel like he’s pretty close with her, but doesn’t have a kinship like with Brian. But I also believe that her failed relationship with Brian was what affected Nate's view on relationships in general and he doesn’t want to repeat the same patterns as Sherri and wants that forever love.

Speaking of Brian, I definitely believe that Nate idolizes him. Especially with how he talks about him in Summer Storm.

Nate: Ah. Who wants to try some fancy candy? My dad sent me a whole box of cool stuff from Japan. He plays baseball over there. Kind of a big deal.

Gwen: He's the oldest player in the league. He does adult diaper commercials over there.

Nate: I don't get why that's not cool.

But Brian also barely checks in Nate and is there for him, which probably affected Nate's relationship with Nikki. He's scared that she'll leave him behind when she goes off college.

Nate: Nik, I'm kind of freaking out about us. You've been spending time with Trevor...

Nikki: Trevor? Nate, there's nothing between me and Trevor. You know I don't like muscular guys.

Nate: I don't know how I feel about that, but... It's not just him. It's all this other stuff. The SATs, the studying. I'm afraid you're gonna leave me behind.

Nikki: Nate, I'm not going to college to leave you behind. I'm... I'm going to college so I can have a future.

Nate: Am I in that future?

Nikki: Well, the future's not set. There's no fate but what we make for ourselves.

And also this moment in Boyfriend Day One:

Nate: I can't imagine not being with you. I need you to tell me we're always gonna be together.

Nikki: Hey, come here. Babe, I don't know what's gonna happen. All I know is that I love you. And I hope that's enough.

He's scared of being left behind and needs that validation that he won’t be abandoned. So he doesn’t want to think about not having a forever with Nikki. And once again, Nate CRAVES stability since he never had it as a kid. Which is also shown in Kids In America during his talk with Leia:

Nate: My first breakup felt like my heart was getting ripped out of my butt, so...

Leia: And it made it even worse that everyone was agreeing with Jay.

Nate: Not everyone. Look, I was in a tough spot 'cause Jay's my best friend, but I agree with you. You do? Yeah. And then Nikki chimed in talking about living separate lives, and... I got worried I'd get my heart ripped out of my butt again.

And also:

Nate: Yeah. I mean, what's more powerful than love? Maybe lightning. But that's it.

Leia: If two people are meant to be, then they can survive anything.

Nate: Exactly.

Leia: Do you know how lucky it is to find that special person? Someone who you feel comfortable with?

Nate: And someone you can talk to.

Leia: And everything's just easy.

Nate: Right. I mean, someone who just...

Leia: Gets you?

Nate: Yeah.

This also shows Leia’s view on love and relationships but not the point rn.

Nate finds that kinship in Leia and feels validated in his feelings. But also the issue is that even in a different relationship, that feeling won’t magically disappear. It’s up to him to be honest and let go of that fear in order to be happy.

[ataraxiaspainting]

Snowflake and bone?

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

oh shit... i feel like i'm being put on the spot lmao. honestly anything with yan chrollo i will eat up. my expectations are nonexistent for everything, including fanfiction. maybe @after-witch or @ddarker-dreams? but i feel like most yan chrollo writers are like experts in their craft...

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing? 

a lot of shows/books/movies in general!

-> shows

monster - one of my favorite things ever. seriously. it's so good! the psychological horror of johan, the push and pull of tenma's morality based on what to do in the situation at hand... i love it all! an absolute masterpiece!

breaking bad - what hasn't been said about it already? it's just that good (and meme worthy also). definitely recommend!

hannibal - ah yes. horror shows with queer themes, my beloved. as someone who's going into work related to criminology, i really enjoyed this one a lot! hannibal was especially interesting, though i love the original silence of the lambs too!

-> books

the collector by john fowles - i actually discovered this book in middle school! i loved it a whole bunch, and my english teachers could never stop me from reading it when they were speaking. shoutout to all my fellow quiet kids who got the "most books read" award in school.

tomie by junji ito - this is actually one of the main things that inspired me to write hier encore! femme fatales always get me. i love my morally grey queens. seeing people just wrapped around their fingers is both interesting and horrific to watch.

the stranger by albert camus - i read this in my final year of high school and now once again during summer break! i just love camus' writing style so much and i love how the main character is so apathetic to the point he doesn't care about himself much. i also really like the religious themes that can come into play, as well as potential neurodiversity.

-> movies

midsommar - another thing dear in my heart. my older sister watched it with me along with my mom, but they were too scared by the gore to they just covered their eyes for like 30% of the movie lmao. not me though, unfortunately. i am still scarred, but the cult/indoctrination themes made it so interesting it's like i didn't have ADHD. i was a neurotypical for like two hours.

sailor moon s: the movie - hearts in ice - i love love loved this movie as a kid. i watched it on repeat along with the lion king movies. i really enjoyed the character development luna went through as she learned the necessity of letting go of people who don't necessarily need you in the way you think they need you.

knives out - this one i also watched with my mom and older sister! they liked this one much more too. i love ransom but also despise him at the same time. i haven't watched glass onion yet but i'm sure it's just as good based on what i have heard! thrillers are the key to my soul.

[nasuversekinkmeme]

Roundup: Tumblr Prompts (May 9-16)

We're back in business, and that means I have to catch up on the weekly prompts!

Tsukihime

Kohaku healing. most of the prompts about Kohaku focus on her doing fucked up things, but I want to see her heal and recover from her trauma instead. maybe it's Nanaya, maybe it's post-Kohaku route, maybe it's something else, but i want to see her in a good state of mental health

Shiki Tohno/SHIKI Tohno - Noncon, Obsessive Tendencies SHIKI's latent care for his friend Shiki and his current hatred towards him coalescing, and showing love by hurting him. Good stuff like that.

Kohaku from an alternate universe where she is blue. (a glimpse into the author's twisted mind optional)

Shiki(Tohno) decides to fuck around and finds out

Kara no Kyoukai

Something around Ryougi Shiki and time loops, can be about the fifth movie or her falling back in love with Mikiya after the accident or legitimately anything with Shiki and timeloops please

Mahoyo

Aoko’s ‘oh shit i’m gay’ moment

Fate/Stay Night

artoria / issei / shirou polycule , it can optionally be framed as gilgamesh ,rin , luvia & sakura getting cucked

YAY THE ASKBOX IS BACK! To celebrate let's get dapper mustache saber some good head

Saber and Illya drinking. Can be platonic or romantic, I just want these two to share a drink together

smut Listen to me LISTEN to me Kirei and Bazett have ABSOLUTELY fucked. The idea that the two of them got intimate at some point makes Kirei's betrayal SOOO much more delicious.

Souichirou, Kiritsugu, Parent-teacher conferences. An incredibly awkward and/or tense meeting between two ex-assassins trying to put their pasts behind them. I’m kind of sad that I have literally never seen anyone write these two interacting in any way, especially when there are so many interesting things that they could talk about.

in an effort to learn more about his girlfriend, Shirou starts reading up on arthurian myths, like the canterbury tales or le morte d'arthur

Rin's magic powered attempts to grow boobs the size of her sister's go wrong and she's left a hu-cow

Fate/Zero

Fed up of arguing with Saber constantly over tactics, Kiritsugu uses his Command Spells to reduce her intelligence and leave her too dumb to question him

Fate/Extra

Julius, any ship. I need this man to get laid so bad. Hakuno (either gender) would be my favourite choice but anyone is good. No Leo incest though.

BB hacking (or otherwise hypnotising) Hakunon

Fate/Grand Order

a moment during the servant summer camp thing yan qing visits lanling in the cabin and they spend the day doing fun stuff, may or may not include smut

Post-Story Ritsuka rejoins society at large and starts hitting people with The Vibes. Narrated from someone outside the loop. Does not necessarily have to be Uncanny Valley levels of Vibes, but Weird Vibes must be there. Servants and/or Chaldea staff can and are encouraged to show up as co-workers/friends/romantic partners to add more of The Vibes.

smut, weight gain/stuffing Please, please, please, I NEED to see Mephistopheles stuff Guda with sweets (cute German pet names optional).

smut Lancelot keeps seeing Mash as Galahad. Mash keeps seeing Lancelot as a deadbeat father. It sucks! They want to be able to have a normal conversation for once! The solution? The two should have sex. Now THAT has to get them to stop seeing each other in a familial light, right? The more uncomfortable you make your fill the better. Also you don't have to go all the way, if you write one of them quitting mid sex or even just the aftermath of said sex that is perfectly fine by me.

Douman gets punished for messing up the ask box

smut Anything with Douman and their claws? I'm thinking in lines of smut. Preferably Douman X Guda but whatever floats your boat is great

rin & luvia awaken to find that foreigner molay is going to sacrifice them to her goddes. both of them are futily struggling against their restraints when tiamat arrives. but tiamat starts scolding molay for missing breakfast , and after tiamat gives molay the dissapointed parent look ™ rin & luvia are quickly transformed into new versions of the dark young. their minds & souls aren't shoved into plush toys like what happened to ritsuka , rather their minds & souls are stored in a pair of statues adorning an altar & could only watch on in horror as their bodies take up the duty of being the cults security guards.

U-Olga resurrects Lev/Flauros to serve as her apostle

Instead of fighting 7 crypters during the lostbelt, Ritsuka must fight 7 alternative versions of themselves all who allied themselves with a Beast and remade their own Human History according to the Beast's Ideals, Goetia, Tiamat, Kama, Koyanskaya, Draco, Olga Marie and an unknown Beast(This one up to the author)

Mages Association plans on taking Ritsuka's off most of chaldea's servant because they did not plan for a single human to have control over so many servants and gather so much power. Ritsuka is fine with dividing his servant among other master, his servants on the other hand, not so much

I really liked that Goetia prompt. What if sequel where they settle in the Wandering Sea and he sees Nero and Tamamo and warns Guda of their nature?

Anything with Maou Nobu and Third Ascension Draco in it, be they fucking, being friends, fucking around, finding out

May i get Shuten being a mouthy bitch before getting plowed into a cum puddle by the Futa she was teasing? (Much to her own Delight cause that's what she was hoping for)? Even better if her horns are used as Handlebars for further railing power.

Castoria finds out the Chaldea Database lists her and her peers as "Altria" and she is FUCKING PISSED

Hessian and Lobo get tasked with sitting together for all the other dogs which Chaldea has accumulated over time.

MashMorgan, a day at the aquarium. They're yuri enough to have an aquarium date. As a treat.

AmaSali - gore, monster sex (dubcon optional). Third tier Salieri's kinda hot right? Right. Looking for something with a monstrous Salieri losing his last semblance of self control and having his way with Amadeus. Amade can be into it from the start or slowly get into it, but I want it to end with him having a great time whether or not you decide to make it dubconnish. I love the idea of Salieri being incapable of touching Amadeus without hurting him. Use his claws to really screw Amadeus up, even if he's only touching him to move him or the like. Lots of gashes dripping blood would be good, and purposefully harming him would be even better. (would be based as hell to have his intestines hanging out as he gets fucked, just saying…) It would be super cool to have Salieri have inhuman anatomy too! He's become a monster in the true sense of the word, so lean into it! (this is just an excuse for knotting mostly but you can go as ham as you want)

Goredolf Musik, any ship. my man Gordy deserves to get some so get this guy shipped! Any ship is good, and feel free to go wild over kinks and scenarios you want.

loli tw fionn/beni-enma, oral sex. i think they're really cute. fionn eating her out is all i'm really looking for but you can do whatever else you want

Asterios/Habetrot, height difference. Anything about these two would be good but I'd give you my firstborn if you include their massive-ass height difference. porn welcome but not mandatory.

smut, noncon tw KiaraxEmiya Alter noncon NSFW, Noncon, Tentacle (/Demon God) Noncon. On top of the cult massacre and how EmiAlter was implied to end up killing Taiga and her son, Kiara also broke and twisted EmiAlter's spirit by forcing him to drown in her brand of pleasure. Fast forward to (insert any convenient point of time where Kiara already has demon god inside her) where Kiara retraumatized him and tentacle raped him until he no longer has the will to fight back.

smut Castoria gangbang. I need Castoria to be the central point of an orgy. It can be named characters it can be a faceless mob either is fine I just need her to get absolutely RAILED. Bonus point if you get her filled and/or covered in cum. Dubcon/Noncon ok, but I want her to get pleasure out of it please!

U-Olga gets summoned and proceeds to gee bullied and harassed by literally everyone in Chaldea

barbatos possesses BB as an attempt to get revenge on ritsuka. but unfortunately for BB , barbatos has wound up incredibly masochistic due to being farmed so much. barbdos is enjoying a visit to BSDM dungeon & is having the time of their life when they get used as a rubber drone by the other patrons & bb's despair of losing control of her body only serves to make the demon pillar more horny.

I have a MIGHTY NEED for some Gay Girls in Lingerie tbh. Not picky about the fandom but the only one I'm familiar with is FGO so that's the preferred.

Ritsuka has been through a lot, and her body shows it, there is not a single part of her that isn't scared, both physically and mentally, she always tries to hide it and because of that no servant has permission to enter her room, not even Mash. But once Van Gogh is summoned, she breaks that rule before anyone can tell her about it

Altria is confused on why Americans keep insisting her name is Artoria.

i want to see Arcueid and Yu talking in Chaldea about being true ancestors

Buff Marie Antoinette rampaging through France and dominating everyone she met until she subdues Jalter in public. (There is an actual manga about buff Marie Antoinette btw)

Knights of the Round Table having an existential crisis after learning that Caster Artoria is not actually an artoria, but a younger version of Morgan

guda gets jack to put on a pair of pants

smut I honestly want saito fucking okita so hard that not only she passes out, but she’s still sore as hell when she wakes up

Hijikata sending the Shinsengumi… on a quest for pickles and takuan, maybe some mayo too.

Lancelot in extreme anguish(Humorous) as he discovers his child(Mash) is fucking the alternative universe version of his Mom(Morgan, who is also Vivian, who is Lancelot's mom)

guda ends up in a re7 scenario somehow

Koyanskaya of Light slowly realizes that OOPS, she's starting to actually fall for Ritsuka Fujimaru, as told through a series of BDSM sessions with the former as the domme and the latter as the sub. She tries to keep their relationship strictly professional, and predictably fails.

smut Altria fucking Artoria explicitly framed as Arturia getting cucked.

Lancelot undergoing intense mental anguish(humorous) when he realizes his technical child, Mash, is fucking the Queen of (Fairy) Britain

Xu Fu and Ritsuka hiding in the bushes watching Yu Mei Ren and Xiang Yu have a date

David, Romani, or Sheba talking with Morgan to see if they are worthy of dating Mash.

Angra stitching all over Ritsuka's skin as a form of therapeutic harm, recreating the same imagery as his tattoos with the stitches

Among us in fate/go????? I know among us is dead but idc, can either be based on the game or gudao summons the imposter

Gudako mostly jokingly says something along the lines of "I think men should dress sluttier" nearest male servant takes this seriously.

smut What if goetia and master fucked at the end of the world before or after they start beating each other to death

Cleopatra/Caesar, caesar should get pegged by his wife

the servant summer camp event but for some reason it repeats. also gudao/gudako realizes that outsmarting cliches won’t work this time, so he/she has to find a way to avoid the cliche without having to see the others die from the failed attempt at outsmarting the cliches, may or may not include save scumming to achieve it

smut, incest tw In attempt to help Lancelot stop seeing Mash as Galahad/Help Mash stop seeing Lancelot as a deadbeat father, they decide to have sex. Would appreciate if you made it as uncomfortable as humanly possible. You don't have to go all the way through btw if you want to write one of these two quitting midway through that's way welcomed.

Any Fandom

Pairing of your choice with a prey/predator dynamic. Smut very welcome but asexual kink is cool too. I just want two (or more) people chasing growling & wrestling each other. You understand. I really want either a chase scene or some sort of hide and seek... either playing up the anticipation of "oh man i can't get caught or i'll be (fucked/bitten/lose this really soecific competition)" of the prey or the "boy i gotta WORK to get this lad" of the predator. Any kind of consent (or lack of thereof) situation is fine, but I do want everyone to be into it. Tbh I struggle so much to find stuff for this specific kink feel free to ad lib as wanted I'll be really happy either way ^^

Any Artoria, facial hair. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I NEED BEARDED SABER INJECTED IN MY BLOODSTREAM. If not facial hair I am also amenable to fuckton of body hair elsewhere. Please I just want more hairy ladies in my life.

Aftermath of sex pollen. So your buddy got hit by the curse of Fuck Or Die, and you fucked it out of their system. Great! How do you handle the aftermath? You just fucked your bff (and/or crush) how do you deal with the awkwardness? do you talk about it? do you just kinda ignore it? i wanna know!! (you can write the sex pollen too if you want but i mostly want the aftermath) Preference would go to Guda/Ereshkigal as a pairing, but any other character is fine ^^

Any, kink negotiation. I wanna see characters in the process of trying out a new kink. Not particularly looknig for porn (tho do feel free to include it,) but I mean everything around it. Maybe one character breaking to another character that they wanna try a new kink. Maybe a couple looking for kink gear, or discussing the dos and dont of a scene, or trying to find the perfect person to ask for a threesome.

piss Any Canonical Master/Servant Pair - Piss Drinking. If cum, blood, and saliva can all be used to transfer mana, there's no reason to think other bodily fluids can't do the same. This prompt is exactly what it sounds like - a Master replenishing their Servant's mana with some piss. Any Master/Servant pairing that's been in canon is fine! That said, I do have some favorites I'd particularly like to see - I'm fond of Rin, Waver, and Kirschtaria for Masters, and Amadeus, Nero, and Enkidu for Servants. But if you're not interested in writing for any of those, feel free to write for a pairing of your choice. I'll be happy regardless.

I would like a story based on the phrase "Don't touch me, but please don't leave me" someone who is extremely afraid of connection and of being hurt by it, but also can't stand being alone and left behind, always longing for someone, while being eternally afraid of being seen

Crossover

I've seen some people hold the belief that Arcueid would be super into Ryougi Shiki, but what if it was the opposite? What if Ryougi was super into Arc instead?

personally i wanna see kiara peg gojo.

trigun & fgo crossover where all four iterations of trigun is trapped in a singularity that chaldea has to fix. bonus points if knives is helping chaldea to fix the singularity while vash and his pals is against it

what if fgo servants of trigun cast? but each ascension is different version of them?(tristamp, badlands, trimax, 98 anime)

Planet Gunsmoke/No Man's Land is a Lostbelt that Chaldea has to deal with. Million Knives is the Lostbelt summoned servant(temporary). Vash the Humanoid Typhoon/the Stampede is the Lostbelt's King. Post-Lostbelt is Vash and Million Knives getting summoned as two in one servants like the dioscuri

Vash and Million Knives, Chaldea's newest two-in-one Archer servants interacting with other chaldean servants, preferably siblings like the Trung Sisters, Nobunaga and Nobukatsu, Dioscuri, et cetera.

[mysmorgasbordoffantabulosa]

Hi there, I’m a fan of your blog. Thank you for your rationality.

I got sucked down the BTS rabbit hole earlier this year. Originally, it was Taehyung that caught my eye, but I quickly focused on Jung Kook, too. From there, I consumed years of BTS and Taekook content in short order.

Taekook’s interactions give me that “first love” feeling-butterflies and all, especially from their debut through the 2020 Grammy’s. Their chemistry and visuals are off the charts (I know, you know…we all know). Truly, I have never seen or experienced anything else like it. Their duality is mesmerizing and they are both very talented.

Of the things I’ve seen, here are some of the bigger mysteries/things I think about the most:

- The “Am I your friend” comment from JK to TH during the 2018 Summer Package and supposedly TH’s reply, “Do not expose…”

- Something in Taekook’s famous embrace at GDA 2020 doesn’t sit right with me - the look in JK’s eyes when he invited TH to lean back and how they both looked like they had tears in their eyes afterwards - some see it as a declaration, but I don’t know

- Everything about the 2020 MOTS: 7 press junket, which, let’s remember, took place before the first season of In the Soop

- Namjoon saying during their 2022 Dinner Party, “The thing I want to do and the thing I wish continues is that we’ll be together and be sincere when we perform on stage (elsewhere in the dinner they all say they are exhausted) and when we gather and talk like this that we could talk and be happy without thinking about the rules of the world.” It makes me wonder what he means by “without thinking about the rules of the world.”

- The live after their Vegas concert where we see a crack in the veneer and rolling of the eyes when JM pinches JK’s leg - I get the same vibes from their post-Busan live when TH literally has to brush JM off a gaunt looking JK

Look, there are so many I could add to this list. I’m not necessarily looking for a response to these-just sharing the situations that stay stuck in my brain.

In the end, I don’t know either of these young men, but wish them individually and/or together as much happiness as they’ve brought and will continue to bring their worldwide fans.

By the way, I’m not a big user of Tumblr. Is there a way to read your Taekook tags by year versus scrolling?

Thanks!

Hi there,

I'm glad you're enjoying the blog, and of course big ole hole that is BTS and Taekook, lol.

Regarding your mysteries....

- The “Am I your friend” comment from 2018 Summer Package

To me this was simply JK pushing things. You see between 2018 and 2019 I think there was a concerted effort by Taekook to play ball with BH hide them from official content, in previous years they fought against that, I think. But this was in the early part of that process and JK was just clearly pushing back for some reason. We don't know why but clearly BH wasn't bothered by it or else they would have cut it from content.

- The GDA 2020 fan-cam embrace

I think this was obviously pre-planned. Some Taekookers have speculated that this was one of the early starts at changing the narrative of Taekook not being close in the group. They knew this moment would only get picked up by fancams and ARMY in general not the general public. But if a enough buzz occurred it might blow up in the wider KPop sphere.

- 2020 MOTS: 7 press junket

this is clearly an extension of what went on it Winter Package 2020 and Seasons Greetings 2020, where similar shippable moments occurred, and it was all very Taekook Heavy. Again, this was shift in direction and felt pre-planned and concerted in its implementation.

- Namjoon / 2022 Dinner Party, and the “without thinking about the rules of the world.”

I think this is less cryptive than you think. I just think Namjoon was merely talking about enlistment and the rules they have to follow in relation to this.

- The Las Vegas Live and Busan Live

Yeah, there were some odd moments. Again, I don't think this is jealousy, I think it's frustration that they can't be like that together on a live stream, the way JK or Tae is HWSNBN.

Also, you filter my posts by month (and other ways), if you open the archive version of my blog you can filter by month, post type and tag.

[femme-enby]

Anyway so my partner is supposed to move in, roughly in about two months, and ignoring the frantic cleaning I’m gonna do at some point…

I’ve started pointing out things about what it’s like out here. He only lives about 25-30min away but he lives in a more populated area than I do, so there’s more light pollution.

I took some pictures of what it looks like with a clear sky and full moon and he seemed to realize part of why I will walk around at night out here- the full moon is wonderful light to walk by, it’s incredibly bright out here, like it casts HARSH shadows when it’s a clear sky. It will shine on me just about as strong as the street light 100ft away. You can see so many stars.

Tonight I got to point out the “halo” from the faint cloud cover. I suppose in a way it was a moonbow, but not quite- I’ve had moonbows that are closer to the moon and actually mimic a faint rainbow ring. This was more of a wide ring. Still beautiful, and he had never gotten to see one.

I also warned him of just how loud the frogs in the creek can be- he has a lake behind the house, but he also lives in a more “busy” neighborhood and area. These frogs screech and drown out the somewhat dead (definitely dead around 10-12 at night) highway just 5min up the road.

I even mentioned just how different sound is out here- during the summer vs winter especially.

During the summer nights with the high humidity I can talk at normal volume to my dog when I take her out at night and not feel like someone just up the road could hear me. During the winter with how quiet it is and the lack of humidity it feels like whispering is still incredibly loud. Like I could hear someone sigh from the next street over.

Honestly I wonder if with how peaceful the nights are here, if I might just manage to get him to understand why I don’t necessarily feel like I’m missing out as a night owl, and maybe even how I feel like I’m the real lucky one by being damn near nocturnal.

I get to be wide awake at the best times to see shooting stars! I get to see moonbows and the moonlight shining on the grass! I get to enjoy the silence and even feel like I could just fall into the endless night sky! With everyone else asleep and most of those who are awake still choosing to be in their homes, I get to feel so… calm. At peace. Like this- the darkness, with the moon and the stars- is where I’m supposed to be.

The night, where I can see the sky, feels like home.

Now nights in the city can be fun, but honestly? It’s just like the day without the sun hurting my eyes.

I look up and I feel sad because I can’t see anything. Barely see the stars. It feels suffocating.

[majestyeverlasting]

Hi!! Could you write for Bucky prompts 4 and 26??

♡ Hi, Anon!! I love this prompt pairing so much! Thank you for requesting this, and for waiting on me to get around to it! In this one, Bucky and the reader visit a park in Brooklyn that stirs up some nostalgic memories. But what he doesn't know is that, later that night, he'll learn that he's going to be a father. There's some pretty fall imagery and lots of sweet moments. I hope you like it! (Note: this isn’t canon regarding Bucky’s true age)

♡ Prompt 4: "Remember we used to come here when we were kids?"

♡ Prompt 26: “I’m not reading this thing wrong, am I? You’re really pregnant?”

All I Ever Wanted

There was a crispness to the evening air as the beginnings of fall settled within Brooklyn. The trees of Prospect Park, once green, were slowly transitioning into rich shades of orange and red. As you and Bucky walked along one of the pathways, leaves crunching beneath your shoes, there was an absence of car engines and horns—it was peaceful. All there was to be heard was chirping birds, the soft chatter of other park-goers, and the occasional whir of a cyclist’s wheels whenever one passed by.

Upon reaching a wooden bridge, the gentle sound of flowing water emerged as well. Beneath it, was a slender waterfall that fed into a small pond with dead leaves floating on the surface. Bucky wrapped an arm around your waist as the two of you admired it from over the railing. Somehow the whole day, including that moment itself, had managed to feel like a dream.

The two of you hadn’t been to Prospect Park in what felt like forever. Life had a way of sweeping you up in winds of responsibility that kept you from enjoying moments of stillness. But those winds had since drifted elsewhere, leaving the two of you with the freedom to simply be. Venturing out into nature and away from the noise had been Bucky’s suggestion earlier that morning. There was no place like the outdoors that was capable of soothing the soul.

“Look, doll,” he said eventually. Your eyes followed where his free hand pointed.

On one of the big rocks peeking out of the water below, a yellow butterfly had perched itself on a rock. “Yeah, I see it. It’s so pretty.” You smiled when he gave you a gentle squeeze.

“You know what butterflies symbolize?” You met his gaze, willing for him to continue. “Life and new beginnings,” he said, pressing a kiss to your temple.

For a fraction of a second, you froze. You’d managed to keep yourself collected for the entirety of the day, but hearing those words quickened your heartbeat. Enough so that you became all the more reminded of what he didn’t know—not yet.

That morning, as he spoke to you through the bathroom door about going to Prospect Park, you’d been staring at a positive pregnancy test. You barely had enough breath to agree to the outing. And when he’d asked if you were okay, you told him you were fine, but left out the fact that your lives would be changing forever in the months to come.

The two lines on the stick explained weeks worth of your body trying to communicate to you. It explained that deep sense of knowing that refused to go away. To say that you wanted to merely tell Bucky would’ve been the largest understatement of your lifetime. With all the emotions that stirred within you, you wanted to scream, cry, and jump at the same time.

A voice within you encouraged you to make the moment you told Bucky really special and intimate. Especially considering every turn that his life had taken over the years. So you vowed to wait until the two of you arrived home from your evening at the park.

“Life and new beginnings,” you repeated. You were already aware that such was associated with butterflies, but hearing him say it in that moment carried a certain magnitude. “I love the sound of that.”

Later, after walking further, you found yourselves nestled on one of the benches overlooking the lake. The water sparkled in the warm light of the sun as it prepared to set. A couple men stood peppered along the bank fishing. Children giggled as they chased after each other. Paired with the fall trees and colors all around, it was nothing short of a beautiful scene.

You let your head rest on Bucky’s shoulder, and took his real hand in yours to play with his fingers. There was a time, years ago, when the two of you would play along that same lake—throughout the whole park, actually.

You were the first to speak after a while, “Remember we used to come here when we were kids?” You straightened up from his shoulder to look at him.

“Of course I do,” he said, a smile starting on his face. “Especially during the summer. We’d always try to find open fire hydrants to play in after we left. And if we were lucky, our mom’s would let us get ice cream or shaved ice,” he recounted, chuckling. “Those were the days.”

You shook your head. “I know. Now look at us.” About to have a child of our own, you thought.

“Yup. Time flies when you’re having fun,” he said, casting out a brief look around at the serenic evening. Then he focused back on you, his tone shifting, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah...” you tried not to answer too fast. “Why?”

Bucky narrowed his eyes a bit and gave a shrug. “I don’t know, I can just tell that something’s on your mind—ever since this morning,” he noted. “But you have yet to tell me what that something is, pretty girl.”

It took everything not to tell him right then and there, as you sat under a blue and orange sky in the park you knew like the back of your hand.

You offered him half a smile. “I’m that easy to read?”

He lifted a shoulder. “Not necessarily. I’ve been reading you for a long time so it’s easy.” You allowed yourself to chuckle when he playfully quirked his brows. “So am I gonna have to work really hard to coax it out of you?”

You shook your head earnestly. “I promise I'll tell you when we get home… I have something to show you.”

On your way out of the park, there was a mama duck waddling under a tree with her ducklings trailing behind her.

It wasn’t until after you and Bucky made it back to your apartment, and had changed into something comfortable, that you told him you were ready. He sat on the edge of the bed as you went to retrieve the small gift box holding the pregnancy test. It was a miracle that you had had enough supplies left over from birthdays and holidays to be able to make it look as presentable as it did.

You extended it to him from a couple feet away. So much anticipation had built within you that you felt light, and as though you were buzzing.

Bucky accepted the box, and looked up at you. There was a sparkle in his blue eyes. “Why are you standing a mile away from me? C’mere.” You inched closer, and laughed when he pulled you to stand more so between his spread legs.

As he began to undo the white ribbon on the box, your lower lip was secured between your teeth. It seemed as though he was moving entirely too slow and fast at the same time.

As soon as he popped the lid off to reveal the pregnancy test sitting on top of little strips of crinkled, beige paper strips, your heartbeat sped up. Bucky’s attention lingered on the test. When he finally looked up, his gaze attested to the influx of thoughts that had been sparked into motion within his mind.

“I’m not reading this thing wrong, am I?” He briefly looked back down to stick again. Two lines. “You’re really pregnant?”

A smile broke across your face. With the news out, it felt as though you were uncaging a group of birds that had been longing for freedom for way too long. Before you could say anything else, Bucky set the box aside and stood to press his lips to yours. You stumbled back at the intentness in which he gripped your waist. It was a kiss that you felt every part of him through; his love, his passion, his warmth. And an intoxicating mix of joy and expectation.

He pulled away just enough to speak. “We’re gonna be parents?” His breath fanned over your lips. Then he leaned back in to kiss you once more, a soft peck. “You’re carrying our child?”

Bucky’s hands slipped under your shirt, and the feeling of palms against your skin was pleasant in the best way. One was cooler than the other, but they were both gentle and reverent.

“Yes,” you breathed. “I found out this morning.”

He scratched gently at your stomach, sending a shiver through you. “You managed to keep it to yourself the whole day. That’s what was on your mind?” He kissed you again.

“You have no idea how bad I wanted to tell you. No idea.” You brought your hands up to his cheeks, the budding stubble scratchy against your palms. “But I wanted to wait until we came back from Prospect.”

Bucky released a breath after a few beats of silence. “I don’t even know what to say,” he said, voice low. “This is so crazy—a good crazy.”

“I know. I’m happy and terrified at the same time,” you admitted. “I’ve never felt this way in my entire life, but it feels….”

“Good,” he finished.

A laugh escaped you. “Yeah.”

Seconds later, he was getting down onto his knees to be level with your stomach. It wasn’t until he lifted your shirt to press a kiss to your stomach that the reality of the moment set in. For the first time since learning about your pregnancy, tears slipped down your cheeks.

Bucky heard you sniffle, and stood back up to take your hands in his. “This is all I ever wanted, you know that, doll?” A few tears had come to the waterline of his eyes. “A beautiful wife, a family. This is all something I thought I’d never have.”

You sniffled again, nodding. “You deserve everything,” you murmured.

“I have my everything right in front of me.”

Without waiting another moment, you wrapped your arms around his waist and squeezed him tighter than you had in a while. Parents. The two of you were going to be parents.

-

Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a comment, if you'd like. For more fluffy Bucky Barnes fics, click here.

[dancingamongstdust]

sdc group when their partner sneakily joins their Egypt mission? And they only find out when it's too late for them to return?hcs pls?

Yes! My first Jojo's request! Hopefully I get more of these in the future because I love this show.

· You didn’t even make it onto the first plane before you sensed Jotaro’ large presence standing behind you.

· You turned around with a big smile and tried to pretend that it was a complete coincidence to see him there. He just stared while you slowly made your way through the boarding terminal with your ticket out.

· His plan was to send you home the moment that you next landed.

· The fight with Tower of Gray caused a problem with that plan though the stand itself had little effect on your trip. You only noticed when the group went bustling towards the cockpit, their tones betraying the importance of what was happening.

· You had ventured over and asked about the situation.

· The majority of the group had attempted to usher you out and Jotaro didn’t even respond. Still, Star Platinum kept you safe when the plane hit the water and you were practically carried into the lifeboat with the rest of the group.

· Your comment about the trip being more hazardous than expected earned you a glare.

· The rest of the group didn’t realise anything was special about you until you all arrived in Hong Kong officially and Jotaro led you alongside them to the hotel.

· Details about your relationship with him were quickly brought up after that though he seemed content to mostly ignore everything that was said. You found yourself enjoying the conversation with Joseph though he too felt that the trip was too dangerous for you to be on.

· Jotaro didn’t share a room with you in the hotel, instead having his grandfather get you one that was next door to his.

· Before he could disappear after making sure you were safe, you quickly apologised and asked if he was upset. He was always quiet but there was a heaviness to the air that made you feel as though you’d upset him.

· He told you that you hadn’t and that was the last of that.

· You missed your flight the next day when it became clear that Dio hadn’t sent just one person after the group. Star Platinum’s tendency to hover in front of you (whether you could or couldn’t see him) made it clear that you weren’t to be put in danger.

· Jotaro thought it would make you an easy target to send you back alone after you had been seen with the group.

· He was right and you quickly found yourself an occasional target for those who didn’t know any better. They never injured you badly but scratches and bruises became expected as you continued on the journey.

· Jotaro wasn’t affectionate normally but his coldness built up until one day, you asked if he resented you being there and apologised for your brash actions. You had no idea that the things they were involved in broke the lines of reality and fiction.

· He stared at you for a bit before sighing and wrapping one arm around you.

· That was all that you needed to fling your arms around his middle and squeeze him as tight as you could.

· He didn’t need to say it for you to understand that he didn’t hold it against you. Despite the constant danger that you were in, he had found himself calmer about the situation thanks to your presence. It would have been a much harder trip without you being there.

· Kakyoin thought he saw you several times but brushed it off as wishful thinking until toward the end of their Singapore stay.

· You were remarkably good at remaining undetected but more and more creepy things were happening, and it made you want to be closer to the group. It felt like the better option if you were putting yourself in danger anyway.

· There was a moment of silence when you made eye contact – your attempts at sneaking around now thwarted.

· So you raised your hand and waved.

· Kakyoin wasn’t sure what to think. For a second, he was sure that he was imagining it but your reaction to his unexpected departure had been suspicious in hindsight. You had gone from being devastated that he was just leaving without warning, to supportive about whatever he had to do.

· And this would be why.

· You made a joke about being mildly codependent when you sat down next to him, awkward and unsure of how he would react to you being there. It was followed by a question about his sun tanning wear that made him chuckle.

· Somehow, he wasn’t overheating in his uniform even though you were dying in just casual summer clothes.

· You apologised for not telling him that you were coming but pointed out how weird he’d been acting for the past few months. Sure, he had gone back to normal afterwards but you were worried. Especially because you knew fully about the slightly weirder aspect of his life.

· Whether you could see him or not, you felt Hierophant Green appear at the mention. He wrapped around your waist as usual. Close even when Kakyoin couldn’t be.

· As if to prove your worries correct, the first thing you found out after spending a day at the pool (pretending that you were just a couple on a regular vacation) was that an imposter had been walking around as Kakyoin.

· The others weren’t entirely on board with your presence and Kakyoin wasn’t happy with the amount of danger you were in.

· Several times he attempted to convince you that it would be safer elsewhere. He even asked Joseph to get you a plane ticket home at one point but each time you would see or experience something that added to your worries.

· The only way you were going home was if he was with you.

· You managed to remain mostly out of danger despite everything. The main threat you faced came in the form of Death 13 who quickly found a way to manipulate your cares for Kakyoin.

· After the first nightmare, you had started staying up later to make sure he was okay before going to sleep – thwarting the stand’s plans in a substantial way.

· When he nearly lost his eyesight, you didn’t sleep for days on end. You sat alongside the bed and waited for him to recover. Often, you’d think you should call somebody back home to let them know what was happening but he always asked you not to.

· While he was recovering, he asked you again to go home. The trip had almost doubled in danger and he didn’t trust Hierophant to be able to protect you fully.

· You refused once more and reiterated that you had come this far.

· You weren’t going to be going back without him at your side.

· Yeah, Polnareff wouldn’t have noticed you were following at all if it hadn’t been for Jotaro.

· It was shortly after they had arrived in Varanashi and you had accidentally drawn attention to yourself by laughing at Polanareff’s attempts at flirting with Nena. Though he himself hadn’t noticed that you were there, Jotaro had and he quickly come to the conclusion of having seen you before.

· You had made eye contact with him and quickly realised that continuing to hide was going to turn dangerous.

· So you waltzed over to your very distracted partner and draped yourself over his shoulders, playing with the earring and smugly smirking at whomever he had been flirting with.

· He was a flirt, that part you had never minded, but it was always satisfying to show off that he wasn’t truly available.

· Not having expected your sudden appearance, Polnareff had almost fallen over in his scramble to get away from you. After the shock subsided however, he had gasped and swept you into the air with an excited greeting and a seemingly endless stream of French.

· After you were put down, he rapidly introduced you to the rest of the group before realising that you weren’t meant to be there.

· You gave Jotaro an apologetic smile and mentioned that you hadn’t meant to cause trouble with your following.

· He had rolled his eyes and gone back to staring at nothing so you had to assume it was all fine now that you had shown you weren’t an enemy.

· Polnareff on the other hand had begun interrogating you to find out exactly why you had been in India when he remembered saying goodbye to you in France. Though admittedly, that memory was hazy due to the fleshbud having been in effect during time.

· When you explained his suspicious behavior was why you had followed in the first place, he gathered you close and squeezed you as tightly as possible.

· Your unexpected appearance came at the right time. After the bittersweet experience with the Hanged Man, Polnareff had been struggling and you acted as the best possible solution.

· You are a distraction, that much quickly becomes obvious, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

· Unfortunately, you did end up getting injured quite frequently while you were with the group but never once did Polnareff mention sending you home. You were never hurt in a way that would leave more than a small scar.

· The others did suggest it once but Polnareff had instantly shut that down.

· He could make sure you were safe. Why wouldn’t he want you with him at all times?

· You got quite a bit of attention during the trip, primarily from other men who all took great interest in you. It was entertaining to see the contrast between your casual attraction of attention and Polnareff’s active seeking of it.

· The only time either of you got actually jealous during the trip was of Iggy who had quickly realised how to exploit both of you.

· Surprisingly, you managed to follow the group all the way to Singapore before you were spotted by Avdol.

· You could have made it further still without notice but you had been so worried when their ship didn’t arrive in time that you just ran into Avdol the next time you saw him, hugging him as though he was going to slip from your fingers and never return again.

· Avdol was confused though he held it in well enough, just stroking your hair and reassuring you that he was alright.

· After you had calmed and pulled away, he touched your cheek before asking what you were doing there.

· You just shrugged and he sighed.

· Introductions happened then and you made an incredible impression on the rest of the group. Apparently Avdol had been sending you updates about his trip but due to your following, nothing had gotten through and you had to be caught up with everything they had learned.

· Stands were far from a foreign concept to you but you found yourself fascinated by the newer ones.

· Magician’s Red came out shortly after you had examined Silver Chariot closely – betraying Avdol’s otherwise well-hidden jealousy. He simply smiled and winked when you had given him a look because of it.

· He knew their trip would be difficult but Avdol couldn’t bring himself to send you home.

· You had spent such little time together since his first encounter with Dio (him having to flee Egypt shortly after) and he genuinely missed you more than he cared to admit. Additionally, Avdol was very certain that their group could protect you with the combination of knowledge and power they had.

· Avdol kept you well protected while you travelled. Nobody suspicious even got close to you while you were near him.

· He guided you away from dangerous situations with a hand around your waist and a smile on his face. You never even knew there was a problem. Those who got too close quickly found themselves at the mercy of Magician’s Red.

· Even if you couldn’t see his stand, the warmth of its presence would quickly alert you to its appearance. If you could see it though, Avdol would find it harder to brush off things as ‘precaution’ though he would still try.

· After his initial encounter with Hol Horse, you felt your entire world shatter around you.

· That was the end of your journey with the Crusaders as, after he was stabilized, you refused to leave Avdol’s side. You tended to him as best as you could while secretly hoping that he wouldn’t rejoin their quest after this injury.

· But as he recovered you realised that wouldn’t be an option.

· You volunteered to come with him again. Though you hadn’t been much help on the earlier parts of the journey, he was still injured and could probably use your assistance.

· The incident had been frightening to both of you however and when he next left, you weren’t with him. Before he left, you clutched at his clothing in a silent plead for him to stay.

· After the submarine disappeared beneath the waves, you sat down on the beach and just stared at the ocean for hours to come.

· You got to India before he noticed you and it was a complete accident.

· There was a problem with your hotel booking so you had to remain in the lobby for longer than anticipated – a hand propped on your hip and a bored expression on your face. You hadn’t anticipated that the group would make their way downstairs again, a problem with some missing room service.

· Honestly, he really should have noticed sooner given that the additional charges were coming from his account.

· To the others, nothing was wrong. Joseph just kind of stopped walking and you offered a simple smile in hopes that neither of your covers would be blown.

· He didn’t allow that to last.

· His shout of confusion made everybody jump and you turned around sheepishly. There were a few seconds while the rest of the group realised that you were the source of the commotion so you volunteered your information.

· You had been worried after Joseph’s stand developed (having been there when it happened) and you realised something dangerous was going on. While you weren’t planning on getting involved, surely it couldn’t help to at least know what was happening. From his stories, he didn’t exactly live the quiet life.

· Avdol – having met you before – had a feeling that you were trailing him and is pleasantly surprised to be proved correct.

· Joseph was irritated and worried and happy all at once which resulted in a half-hearted but very loud complaint about why you couldn’t understand what the word ‘dangerous’ means.

· He immediately demanded that you take the first plane home and you very simply responded with ‘no’.

· This resulted in a pretty one-sided argument where he continuously tried to urge you to stop being stubborn and just get back to safety. Your response remained the same to pretty much everything until eventually you just smiled and said that it was good to see him.

· That flustered him enough to cut off his tirade.

· A small silence was broken by the return of the hotel receptionist who couldn’t find a spare room to make up for the booking not coming through on their system. She began apologising when Joseph cut her off.

· It didn’t matter, you would be staying with him either way.

· Avdol sighed and commented something about having to change rooms when the question was finally asked by a very irate Jotaro.

· Who the fuck were you?

· There was a great deal of awkward stammering from Joseph before he eventually settled on saying that you were his assistant. You raised an eyebrow at that but went along with it.

· Though it was obvious that nobody believed it, the matter of your identity wasn’t pushed any further.

· You stuck around after that, mostly remaining at the hotel, and occasionally getting slightly hurt. Joseph made very sure that you remained far from any potential stands and you really didn’t mind that all too much.

· A rule was quickly made to make sure you weren’t ever left alone but that was just fine. You ended up dragging Joseph into too many stores, him complaining about it all the while, until you both left with at least one bag each.

· Jotaro didn’t warm up to you for a long time and even then, it’s more tolerance than anything else.

· The trip didn’t leave you badly injured but it strengthened your relationship with Joseph more than you had ever expected.

[nincompoopydoo]

Can I request a Fred Weasley oneshot with the promts "you don't love him", and "love is supposed to be good". Thanks 😊

GOOD, PURE, AND BEAUTIFUL

PAIRING: Fred Weasley x reader WORD COUNT: 1.9k (about 1000 words my ass) SUMMARY: The Leaky Cauldron serves as a sanctuary to drink your problems away for the night but a certain ginger always seems to find his way to you. Possible part 2? A/N: Sorry this took so long, I had to rewrite the hold dang thing and I know I said I would write around 1000 words but looks like i can’t help but be long-winded. WARNINGS: Angst. Mentions of getting drunk. support my writing through ko-fi💖 MASTERLIST

You find solace in the pint of butterbeer, sitting at a table for two, tucked by the corner and under the archways of the Leaky Cauldron. The passing wizards in sleek venerable trench coats and witches with an odd taste in hats only act as an activity of sightseeing in keeping yourself awake, hypothesizing strangers’ lives and whether they might have gnomes lurking in their gardens or have gardens in the first place.

You are drawn to the drifting scent of butterscotch—the tankard of butterbeer sits glumly in your grasp as it has lost all its foam. You take a sip, more of a gulp, feeling the gas building up in your abdomen, and the sweetness to it almost feels sickening at this point.

Belly full yet feeling extremely empty.

The days leading up to you, being here at the Leaky Cauldron, and playing the part of the drunken witch very well weren't exactly pleasant. Flourish and Blotts seem to lose its shine in fulfilling your love for books and organization with every passing day and your relationship with the boy you met and fell madly in love with during your sixth year don’t seem to hold the same spark as before. Walter was a Ravenclaw—handsome, diligent, and incredibly smart. You and him dating had been an on-and-off situation because the one thing you two share in common is the lack of decisiveness.

Today, tonight, you and Walter are finally resolute. The true end where second, third, or fourth chances will never cease to exist from now on. With the new offer for a job in America, you and he both know drifting apart seems to be the only reasonable solution to the whole mess of what you assumed was love.

He spoke the words in this very spot, sat in the chair across from you. You had been watching the way his thumb would caress the back of his other hand and you knew, the night was bound to end in a disastrous way. An unfortunate turn of events for the witch who doesn’t truly know if she ever loved another or was ever loved.

Yet, you sit here, eyes completely dry. Far from crestfallen, far from regret. Only filled with the dread of not feeling the sadness you’re supposed to be feeling. You ignore how your shoulders feel lighter and how the tightness in your chest seems to have miraculously disappeared as soon as you watched Walter walk out of the Leaky Cauldron.

Are the butterbeers celebratory or depressing? You’re not sure.

You rest your chin on your palm, feeling like you’re in a daze. Butterbeer isn’t necessarily the type of drink to get you intoxicated but noting the rate you’re consuming each mug, it’s no surprise that you’re just a little tipsy.

Then, you see a certain ginger twin emerge from the entrance of the pub like some divine intervention. He seems to spot you from afar, waving in your direction. You lift your hand weakly in the midst of trying to figure out which of the twins you are particularly waving at. It’s Fred Weasley as it turns out, you recognize the certain strides with every step taken towards you that differs him from George. As he nears you, there’s an assurance that it’s certainly Fred with the sight of a mark on the bridge of his nose—an indicator and a technique to tell the twins apart you used when you were younger.

Fred halts by the empty seat diagonally to your left, hands shoved in the pockets.

“I have never seen you here at this hour—are you okay?” Fred cuts himself short, brows turning into a frown when he notices the unusual mess in your hair. If he knows you any better, well-kept and neat hair was all you cared about after the number of times you have furiously whined about the frizz in your hair during the summertime.

It isn’t summer now, well into the end of November. The days are colder and he remembers how your hair would especially shine in the gloom of Autumn.

“Not really.” is all you manage to say before taking the hundredth swig from your nearly empty butterbeer. You inspect the mug with furrowed brows and narrowed eyes. “I swear this was full the last time I looked...”

Before you know it, he’s snatching the mug away from you, dragging it across the table as he settles into the empty chair. He stares at you with a beckoning brow, expression mixed with disappointment, disapproval, and worry.

“Hey! That’s my butterbeer, Weasley!” you whine, trying to reach for it but Fred pushes it further, hand securing around it. Without hesitation, you smack him in the arm. “Stop being a complete arse, Fred. What are you even doing here and where’s George anyway?”

Fred winces in pretense pain, dramatically rubbing the side of his arm as he tries to suppress his laughter from your sudden burst of violence. “George is back at the shop going over numbers and as far as I’m concerned, I can be anywhere I want to be. You clearly had too much to drink.”

“But it's butterbeer!”

“That is exactly my point.”

You let out a huff, leaning into your seat and running your fingers through your hair. After a moment’s silence with Fred still staring you down in the effort of getting you to talk, you finally give in. He knows you too well for you to hide anything from him.

“Walter and I broke it off.”

Fred blinks, trying to hide his wide-eyed gaze. “For good?”

You finally turn to him, nodding slowly. “For good.”

“I’m sorry.” His voice is soft when in reality he’s trying to hide his relief in hearing that things between you and Walter have finally come to a resolution because falling in and out of a relationship was driving you mad. He cares for you and always has since the very beginning and a part of him wishes for those feelings of infatuation between two melancholic teenagers will emerge back from what he assumed was already dead.

He watches you lean your head back onto your palm, seemingly sinking deeper towards the table as you try to wrap your head around the situation to form proper words with your lips. “You know what’s the worst part of it all?” Fred shakes his head, eyes never breaking contact with your own. “I don’t even feel that sad about it. Like all those years were...nothing.” Your laugh comes out as a puff of air. It’s cynical rather than finding the humor in it. For the first time, he doesn’t laugh when you do.

Another beat of silence and Fred is contemplating whether his next words that beg to be freed from his mind are appropriate in a time like this. Although he knows how he tends to speak his mind without thinking of the consequences, he knows to tread lightly around you from the times when his words nearly tore your friendship apart.

Still, he knows to be honest with you.

Through the chatter of the crowd at the Leaky Cauldron whilst a few men by the other corner of the pub begin to break into singing a drinking song, Fred’s voice comes off as a whisper, barely audible. “You don’t love him, don’t you?”

Your gaze had initially drifted to the bunch of rowdy men, rendering verses about magical whisky and beer. Yet, they now return to hold a certain ginger’s gaze. You want to be offended by his question because of how it supposedly hurts the raw wound of feeling sorry for yourself. Your love life hasn’t been the best and your tendency to jump to your own defense about it is a clear note to everyone that it simply shouldn’t be questioned.

But it’s Fred. The one who has constantly looked out for you when other boys and men seem to take advantage of your hopeless romantic side. The one who would pull a prank on George just to see you smile. The one who ended up taking you to the Yule Ball as his date because Walter, at the time, rejected you like you were nothing. You should have known that it was never meant to be.

You know to be honest with Fred Weasley.

“I don’t think I ever did.”

He doesn’t say anything, wanting to listen as he waits for you to conceive the proper words to finally speak your mind. It is clear you want to let it out and let off of the burden that has trapped you under its knees, constantly looming over your shoulders and causing dread and fear of losing so much in such a short time. The band of merry men as the whole pub begins to join the group in singing about the joys of alcohol, life, and love in the tune of a traditional Scottish muggle song.

You wonder how can these people be so happy in a time of an impending war. Maybe, it's temporary, meant to drown the hurt and sorrows for tonight and when morning comes, they'll return to opening the stitches of their wounds. When morning comes, you will either wake up at this very table or in an empty bed. Either way, you’ll be alone.

Now, all you want to do is get all your worries and troubles off your chest, not wanting to feel so empty and suffocated. “Love,” you pause, inhaling deeply. ”Love is supposed to be good and pure and beautiful. Love was what I thought I had and right now, I don’t know what to make of it, Fred...I thought I was going to marry him someday.” You find yourself sighing once more, already feeling the lightness in your chest. Running your fingers along your cheek, you close your eyes to help yourself focus through your rapid thoughts and your dazed mind. “Everything is going wrong. I hate my job. I hate my bed. I’m drunk on butterbeer for Merlin’s sake. I feel so, so alone—”

“Ah, and that’s where you are wrong.”

Your eyes are open now, narrowed from adjusting to the sudden brightness of the candlelit place. They drift to Fred who seems very content. He then places his hand on yours and you realize you had been fiddling with your fingers for the last minute. His hand is warm on yours and the heat gradually travels to your chest, heartbeat now slightly picking up in speed. If you listen close enough, you would be able to hear it.

“You are never alone. Not when I’m around and you know I will always be around.”

His words tug at the side of your lips, now widening into a faint smile. It’s small but it’s the kind that reaches your eyes and raises your cheeks. “Thank you, Freddie.”

Then, you watch him abruptly come to a stand, chair screeching. He tugs on the lapels of his coat, adjusting it with the roll of his shoulders. He grabs the back of his chair, and leans forward, towards you. “George and I are visiting the Burrow for the weekend. I’m sure mum won’t mind you staying over.”

You blink, mouth slightly agape at his offer. “I don’t want to trouble anybody—”

“Don’t be silly. Mum loves you more than George and I combined. And she loves us a lot!”

You laugh and it’s genuine this time, knowing how Molly will be always whispering to you about what makes Fred a good husband in the kitchen when you’re washing up the plates and how she will never let you go to bed hungry.

The burrow is like your second home and right now, home is all you want and need.

“Alright, then.”

[skaterboyfriend]

instead of studying i decided to spent my time outlining some tattoo headcanons i have for sam... some more thoughts below the cut!

in order of how he got them:

vince's snail: i have a little brother 11 years my junior- i know that when you have such a large age gap between you and your sibling, your role dissipates as an older sibling and you end up becoming a second parent. yes of course my little brother still relies on our mother and father, however when he has an issue with friends, needs homework help, is hungry/thirsty/lonely/mad/crying/WHATEVER- he comes to me first. especially with kent gone and jodi busy trying to support her boys, sam had to take on both a fatherly and motherly role towards vincent, despite still being a kid himself- thus he did all the mom/dad-type things: take him out to the park, teach him how to ride his bike, collect all his little scraps of doodles and writing throughout his school career, bandage him up upon skinning his knees during a tumble... one day vincent presents a colored paper, clearly with lots of love and effort put into it. vincent has a sort of strange fascination with snails and knows his brother loves to skateboard... putting two together to create quite a funny joke, he grew a little snail riding a skateboard! sam adored it so much and upon turning 18, he realized that vincent's drawing is probably the best idea in the entire world for a first tattoo!

sam moved to the valley, went to high school with abigail and sebastian, vibed together in band class -> became besties and ultimately formed a band upon graduating. they never thought they'd get far but once, after a small short set at the harvest festival a few years after forming the pelicans, a young woman excitedly complimented the trio, telling them of a battle of the bands night next week at zuzu city at the club she works at -> they should totally enter! they won EASILY and capped the night with partying + lots of booze -> maybe made some bad ideas! the three woke up in a trashy motel with killer headaches and a tattoo on their inner arms. jodi, robin, and caroline all went livid!

he had always been called a people pleaser by all sorts of people in all sorts of ways- by friends who were charmed with how he always seemed to put others above himself, by jealous onlookers who resented how easily he offered himself to be of help, by exes who despised how he always had to play the good guy... he couldn't wrap his head around how that's not necessarily a good thing- how sometimes giving too many pieces of yourself will leave you hollow. he instead wears the title as badge of honor, staining it above his heart!

upon meeting delilah and realizing just how head over heels he's in love with her, it's only natural he would do anything to make her smile. their relationship was something he's never experienced before: just everything seemed like total bliss- nothing like what he's grown up accustomed to [absent husbands, crying wives...] it only made sense he'd ink his love for her as a permanent tattoo. . . one hot summer morning, delilah took a pair of scissors to his mullet after he complained that he couldn't sleep- his hair was getting long and the heat was unbearable. while trimming his locks, she recalled a myth of a woman who cut the blessed hair of her lover, which rendered him weak and ultimately got him murdered brutally- people argued that despite knowing she meant ill, he loved her far too greatly to deny her anything- the twist, delilah added as she yanked his hair, trying to remove the knots- is that they bore the same names as the couple. and it was such an ironic thing that sam couldn't forget it... upon realizing delilah's the woman he wants to marry, he decided to get a tattoo of its symbolism- a pair of scissors upon his back. delilah would run a finger across it at night and laugh to herself. yes, sam would die for her, happily so- whatever she needs, even if if be his death- he'd oblige.

a year after their wedding, sam and delilah got matching tattoos because they are fucking insane <3 sam with his bunch of dahlias and delilah with a sun <3 lowkeyyy in love with themmmm

[sizhui]

gotchu. what do you think about rei ???

HI LEON TY :) okay so. I definitely don't have as much to say about rei as I did about Eichi, plus I think if you view it through the lens I described in the Eichi essay, Rei's story is relatively straightforward, so this will be quite short but I think very important for understanding Rei's character.

We've established that Rei's original narrative role is that of an unconditional giver who receives nothing in return. The interesting thing about Rei is that there seem to be two sides of him - the 2nd year "ore" rei and the 3rd year "wagahai" rei (I won't touch !! because I haven't read enough !! stuff with rei :(). Which Rei is real? In my opinion, neither. "Ore" rei is a sort of a feeble, superficial rebellion against the giver role, a sort of parody of it - acting like a reckless, cool guy while knowing you are subservient to everyone around you. "Wagahai" rei is simpler to understand - he is a Rei who lost the war (against his narrative role), and was thus sentenced to the most degrading state of his role from the moment we meet him in the ! main story - a wise, old, deus ex machina helper for the Revolutionists, one who sacrifices himself so that Trckstar could keep winning, one who supports undead and 2wink, teaches them and helps them along their character arcs... but remains unchanged himself, because in the moment of !, Rei's story is supposed to be already over. He lost completely. That's why I always chuckle somewhat when people call Rei's relationship with 2wink very sweet because, while he does care for them and see himself and Ritsu in them and wants good for them, whenever he's with them he can't be anything more than what he was destined to be. It's interesting that, while Rei understands his own role and place in the world of Enstars quite well, he is percieved by others as a Protagonist - especially by Keito, which caused the rift and misunderstanding between them. That's a part of his curse. So, yeah, while it's not necessarily wrong to see Rei as a "gifted kid burnout" sort of character like the post I read suggested, it's a kind of incomplete way of looking at it, because there is a deeper narrative reason for his "burnout", and that was him losing the war and becoming trapped in his own role!

I hope this makes sense... I would love to talk about Rei's relationships with Ritsu and Keito more, especially about the fact that it was both of them who caused him to lose the war (did you know it was Ritsu who told Eichi the strategy to defeating Rei? I will never get over that) but for that I'll have to reread a couple of stories during the summer...!