#not that i MIND it i just feel bad when the image isnt mine and idk who made it you know

[duodusk]

[oldmemoria]

okay heres the fucking thing about this script controversy that some people don't seem to get.

just gonna say it blatently:

strap in babes this is gonna be a long one!

The way Miguel O'Hara is written in the leaked transcripts is blatantly racist, here's why from a Latino himself!

all wrapped up in a sweet little bow for everyone who doesn't know how to comprehend what they're reading, cheers!

er. i mean.

¡Salud!

Miguel fans are not mad that they depicted him in a bad light and that they made it clear that he is in the wrong

WE FUCKING KNOW. WE'RE NOT STUPID.

Miguel has been depicted as a morally grey asshole since the early 1990s, which is when Spider-Man 2099 was initially debuted. And while yes, the movies are.... inaccurate, to say the least, it still stands.

The issue here is how he is depicted. They directly call Miguel O'Hara, a Latino man, an ANIMAL (he is directly called an animal TWICE. FUCKING TWICE.)

[1st image id: Miguel leaps onto Vulture, Clawing his way in past the renaissance armor. he is an ANIMAL. (keep in mind ANIMAL is literally in all caps.) /end id]

[2nd image id: Miguel SLASHES at the walls of light that surround Miles. Clawing the energy field apart, an animal in the throes of bloodlust -- /end id]

I need you to really soak in the fact that he is called "AN ANIMAL" twice. I'm awful at alts and ids but I feel I must so you can read it in plain text. sorry if they suck.

Our issue is not that the writers seem to have a bias against the character. a lot of writers write characters they dont particularly like and in turn tend to write them from a foggy lense of their own perception. An example would be Kate Cary and how she didn't like Crowfeather, a character she had to write about. I'm sure some of her bias seeped through. but this is different.

writing a Latino man as a bloodthirsty animal, implied to be called a predator because they call one of the people he fights (im not sure if its miles or the vulture, im leaning towards believing the former.) his "prey", THOSE ARE ALL RACIAL STEREOTYPES. ALL OF THEM.

[3rd image id: But Miguel can only see his prey: /end id]

There is no context to be needed here, the context is that this is miguel we're talking about and that they call him an animal. it does not matter if he is a villain or not (which he isnt, factually he fucking isnt im tired of having this conversation, fuck you). it matters that he's depicted in a racially insensitive way.

and this person brought this up pretty well actually, I didn't even think of it:

[4th image id: Tumblr user @/404-505 saying:

i want to be so mean to them

they couldn't write miguel crossing the border and stealing a job so they wrote him crossing into another universe and stealing his own identity

they couldnt write miguel as a drug addict so they gave him spider steroids instead /end id.]

They bring up a really good point about these clear stereotypes being seemingly. . . disguised behind points that are narratively relevant? This could literally just be pure coincidence, but noting how the writers wrote him before... it isn't looking too good for them. Sorry. Not sorry.

It is clear that there is some kind of bias against miguel that led to really disgusting, racist retoric. Whether or not it was intentional or if it was a first draft or whatever, the writers, which may i remind you were white, still wrote this at some point.

it makes me question whether or not they hated him because of his "bullshit utopia", their words not mine, or because of their own racial biases.

We cannot know because miguel is the only mexican character on the cast. I know Miles is Puerto Rican, but there are differences between how they were portrayed. also Puerto Ricans and Mexicans come from competely different cultural backgrounds that share simularities but are still different dont even try i will destroy you.

Using another users words again, but:

[5th image id: Tumblr user @/transmiguelohara says:

Don't talk to me about the Miguel parts in the script. I'm so disappointed in how the writers view him.

The difference between the way Miguel is written (antagonist, not the villain) vs Spot (the villain, whats to kill Miles' dad and everyone he knows) is soooo.....I don't know man it just screams racism in sorry. Describing Miguel as a bloodthirsty animal? Repeatedly? Treating him like he's mindless and has no motivation beyond having a hair trigger temper? It sucks man. /end id]

It also strikes me that now that we finally have a brown-skinned miguel, they write him like, well. this.

I don't really know if this is petty or not, but I want to wrap this back to the way the fandom also sees Movie Miguel.

Because TRUST ME it is not good either.

Miguel O'Hara Vs. FANDOM: Spoilers, it's been troubling since the beginning.

From the beginning (and by beginning in this case I mean since he was announced to be a character in this movie) Miguel has been continuously sexualized, beyond belief. He is repeatedly called "papi cholo" which NEED I REMIND YOU "Cholo" is a derogatory term used to call someone, usually a mexican person, a criminal or a delinquent.

FUCK YOU if you are not Latino OR hispanic and use this to describe people. from the bottom of my heart.

I'm pretty sure the majority of the people who called/ still currently call him "papi cholo" are mixing it up with "papi chulo" (white people moment.) which means something completely different but is still troubling as hell.

"papi chulo", which is slightly different in the way, just directly translates to "big daddy". Which again, Latino men being overly sexual "Latin Lovers" is ALSO A RACIAL STEREOTYPE. also its just blatant fetishization. Point blank fucking period.

Not only that but I notice a lot of art and fanfiction depicts him doing a lot of violence, or being very overbearing and demeaning, or in short terms.

a lot of people write him as physically and sexually aggressive.

fuck do you mean he growls during sex i can and will send you to space with no return.

which

for the millionth time

racial stereotype

halleluiah or however you spell it.

Having him say random spanish phrases you don't know the meaning or connotations of in your fanfiction is icing on the cake at this point.

fucking end me.

it isn't even only sexual depictions, since he's been shown in the movie, a lot of people seem to just see him as this guy who goes off and tries to kill children at a hairs trigger. which uh. fun fact no he fucking doesnt.

you clearly didn't watch the movie as well as you thought you did. hes just sarcastic and generally pretty level headed through the majority of his runtime, whether its implied by how characters around him act, or its just what we see on screen.

He doesn't necessarily have anger issues, the moment we see at the climax of the film is quite literally a mental break. he is not acting in a way that he usually would because he was cracking under the stress of holding the multiverse together with some scotch tape and orange glitter glue.

Also side tangent but he also has a mental break in the comics that's a little more... droopy and sad as compared to the movie, but it still happens. he has shitty mental health is what im saying. he only really lashes out angrily when hes at his wits end because that's how he grew up. he was taught to suppress his feelings and seem smaller when he was upset.

he is the result of abuse and neglect. of course he wouldn't be amazing at emotional regulation.

Which before anyone says it no, this is not an excuse for his actions. just an explaination that isn't "hes an angry animal that has it out for miles UwU" that everyone seems to have in their brain. I'm tired of you all. truly.

the sentiment that hes agressive and angry and his only emotion is anger and upsetness unless he's horny which is when he experiences all these emotions tenfold is. racist. idk how clear i have to be for people to get it through their damn skulls that the way the fandom depicts him is harmful. do i need to slap you in the face with a fish until you understand. do i need to burn your fanfiction. will you get it now that a 15 year old latino boy has to scream it in your face.

and dont even get me STARED on how inaccurately he is written

this is a more light hearted section because idk. feels like i should have it because this part is just comical, pun intended. How can you fuck up this hard guys.

I was gonna give them the benefit of the doubt because "Miguel has fresh trauma!" "He only shows up for like 10 minutes!" "insert 3rd reason!" for his drastic change in demeanor and personality, which, without context, are valid reasons for him to be a little different. trauma fucks you up man. we only see 10 minutes of him. but at this point im chalking it up to complete incompetence

it doesnt take that long to read a comic book guys. you could have done a little research, I know you can do it.

first off:

[6th image id: Miguel's SPIDER-SENSE goes off! He races to the edge if the building and peers into an empty alley -- /end id]

LMFAO WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN "SPIDER-SENSE"

Unless you didn't get the total of TWO jokes that they made in ONE scene (the vulture fight scene), Miguel doesn't have a spider sense. at all. He has elevated senses, but he doesnt have a spider sense.

guys

guys.

you made TWO jokes IN A ROW about it. YOU WHACKED HIM IN THE HEAD TWICE WITH IT. HOW DID YOU FORGET

I cant help but laugh! this is a rookie mistake! these are seasoned writers! They could have done at least a little research, or at least remembered that he doesnt have one, no? is it that hard? or does his lack of a spider sense only matter when you're making fun of your least favorite character? thats what I thought.

this one is less funny. not to sound like a stereotypical comic nerd but this infuriated me a little bit I'm not gonna lie.

[8th image id: tumblr user @/darksidecorner reblogged tumblr user @/spiderxpawz with:

They definitely didn't

a screenshot of the script reads:

AN INDUSTRIAL TANGLE OF HUGE PISTONS -- the literal DARK UNDERBELLY that undergrids Miguel's bullshit Utopia.

Miles doesn't know where to go... but he doesn't need to: SOMEONE YANKS him up into the safety of an alcove.

the user then continues:

This in particular made me PISSED because they quietly canonized that Miguel is CEO of Alchemax while conveniently ignoring that he did everything in his fucking power to BETTER Neuva York. Downtown wasn't built by him. It was built by people WAY before him.

I can excuse and defend some comic deviation, but THIS? Holy FUCK /end id]

I honestly cant tell if I find this part funny or pathetic because seriously. he did not do this. why are you blaming him for something he had nothing to do with. i dont think he decided "hey i should build a city for rich people over poor people because reasons" when he was like... not even alive. Alchemax did this before he was even sentient. it had always been this way since he was born. he also actively hated this decision. because he actively hates alchemax.

but right MIGUELS bullshit Utopia yeah HE did this that EVIL LITTLE BABY i cant believe him

kill me.

In conclusion:

I. . . Don't really know, to be honest. I'm still processing all this. I am genuinely disappointed and upset because this isn't okay. It never will be, and if it takes yet another blunt essay with absolutely no filter for people to understand it then so be it. I don't care if this comes off as mean. This is something I feel qualified to talk about and I will express my disappointment and anger if I want to.

All of the posts I reference I have reblogged within the last 24 hours of making this post, they shouldn't be that hard to find, but if you want the links to them here they are:

https://www.tumblr.com/spiderxpawz/735344322114977792/live-mexican-reaction?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/404-505/735289664739606528/they-couldnt-write-miguel-as-a-drug-addict-so?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/transmiguelohara/735289238625648640/cant-believe-the-writers-have-the-same-reading?source=share

if you want your image to be removed or for your link to be removed just ask and I'll do it. but currently im kinda bummed out and tired.

goodbye.

[gin-juice-tonic]

Number one advice is always that practice with references is your friend. But it also depends on what you use and how you use em.

For one thing- if you’re trying to draw people with more motion, it might help to try and practice referencing someone that’s also in motion. What I like to do is take a screenshot of tv shows/movies I’m watching when someone happens to strike a pose that I think would be fun to draw. And when I’m feeling bored (or if I can use them for something) I’ll go back and draw characters in those poses.  (I’ve mentioned before that I do this with columbo, and hes gonna be my examples lol).

Like, to me this picture feels like we’ve really caught this Stan in the middle of a conversation- because its based on a guy in the middle of an actual conversation.

There’s nothing wrong with practicing using things from pose websites or stock images for reference of course, but if you think your art looks too stiff it might be just because you’ve been looking at stuff that IS stiff. When you take from videos it is still deliberate posing but its going to have momentum and emotions behind it that will carry into your drawing. (Also, if you’re going to use YOU as a reference, take a video of yourself acting out a scene instead of just taking up one pose- then you’ll still have that motion)

.

Now another thing is when you’ve got your reference, how are you drawing it? If you are slowly and meticulously copying the pose they’re in, that can also make things end up stiff. I like to sketch out the basics of what the pose looks like as fast as I can. Don’t erase anything, just go till youre done. And dont spend more than a few minutes on it.

This is the kinda thing I usually end up spitting out when I’m using a reference. Then I go over it again and make it all purty (...sometimes).

You can set a stopwatch for yourself  and practice with different pictures to help you learn to draw things out faster. I think I used to set mine for 2 minutes? (And dont cheat! When that stopwatch ends you either restart and try again or move on to a different picture.) Remember you’re just doing the sketch at first, not the actual finished drawing.

I think the method is called “gesture drawing” but I’m not 100% on that. But it’s worth looking into. You’ll be able to find people who can explain it better than I do, and give you more resources too.

And another thing you can do as a warm up or to get yourself used to loosening up is something called “blind contour drawing”. That’s where you draw using a reference, but don’t look at the paper/screen that you’re drawing on. The picture WILL obviously turn out ‘bad’ in the sense that it will look all mixed up, but it will help get you into a fun mind space.

.

And lastly to take things in a different direction, one more thing you can do is play with poses from cartoons. Even if your style isnt cartoony- people who make cartoons are masters at making their drawings feel fluid! (Usually through fun exaggeration that you wont get from real people!)

So those are a few things that may or may not be helpful! And when youve got enough practice in you can translate this into your regular way of drawing.

Tldr practice by swiping frames from tv/movies, drawing them really fast and ugly, and then prettying them up after. And see if that helps you.

and also look into gesture drawing so someone smarter than me can tell you what to do!

[felidaefatigue]

massively mixed feelings on these ai trends and idk what to do with the conflicting emotions

Ik at least a small part of it has to be admittedly like... bitterness? which is never a very good justification so I want to acknowledge it and sweep it aside.  But it is real. the like.. dreamy aesthetic one i dont mind so much for this point because its really easy to recognize but the new ai “art” program that you can input prompts into and it creates a whole thing from scratch- That one gives me a bit of a squick because like... The average person online is ATROCIOUS at recognizing the differences between different media and is SUPER SUPER easily fooled by like, photorealism ad digital manipulations and stuff *already* and I can pROMISE you majority of people wont know when they are looking at a completely AI fabricated image. 

I dont think that the tech isnt *really fucking cool* and that it shouldn’t be used- I can actually think of a ton of applications where it would be really really useful for people in all sorts of fields and skill levels- and I’d love to see it used honestly. 

But what I dont like is that like... slow making art forms and like, techniques that require a LOT of time and skill to hone are ALREADY massively undervalued and being replaced by things that take 0.2 seconds to do with AI and program help now and its like... Very very disheartening as someone who tends to gravitate towards process heavy things. Because speed will always be prioritized in a capitalist environment, these tools will replace artists, and that is a good thing for like, individuals wanting to improve their personal gains, and will make a lot of things way easier for people both skilled and unskilled in visuals generation. Which isnt entirely a bad thing. But it almost assures that like, concept artists and illustrators and stuff will be out of a lot of jobs because like. Why pay someone to go to school to learn to paint it and pay them an hourly wage or contract when you can type it into a program and get a believable image in 30 seconds.  And also like. As much as im very anti-gatekeeping art for like, learning and skill sharing and stuff. I am a little gate-keepy on who should be making art for profit. and ONLY. ONNNNNLLLYYYY. because I worry about the environmental costs of people *producing* just to make money. We create so many objects that just Do Not need to exist and are contributing to massive industries that are decimating the environment. And like I’m not talking abt people making art their passionate abt. Im talking abt like, etsy digital asset resellers and shit. People who make 1000 different merch objects just to diversify their passive income and dont really care abt who is buyig it or why?  Like its admittedly a little pretentious sure but like. It’s also just I have a STUPID sensitivity to the responsibility opf the individual to a point where its honestly ridiculous. I refuse to make art in the medium my degree is in because the environmental cost to the environment involved in being reliant on mining and oil and gas skeeves me out too much lol. which is kinda silly. because you cat really escape it. But I also like. dont have any art to make in that medium that I think the world NEEDS that justifies that. so like. why bother. Where as working in linoleum, its biodegradable, paper is compostable. Like sure its still not ideal and shipping and all that is still a huge impact and inks still require mining. But its a Way more even load of cause and effect so it doesnt make me feel as horrid y’know?  anyway sidetracked. Point being sometimes things being easier and more available isnt like. great. and i really would like to see society push towards *less* and slower more mindful, well researched creation rather than just dopamine seeking creative impulses and monetization. 

[logopiner]

Retroarch n64 setup

#RETROARCH N64 SETUP INSTALL#

#RETROARCH N64 SETUP TRIAL#

#RETROARCH N64 SETUP 240P#

Extract ‘RetroArch_data.7z’ and copy the ‘retroarch’ folder into ux0:/data.Copy RetroArch’s VPK (RetroArch.vpk) to any directory you please.Open VitaShell and connect your PSVita via USB ( you can do it via FTP but copying the data files might take 20-30 minutes as they’re composed of a lot of small files).Obviously, your PSVita must be in hacked mode so run HENkaku/h-encore/Trinity before you start unless you use HENkaku Enso.

#RETROARCH N64 SETUP INSTALL#

I personally think that ‘minimalist’ wallpapers look the bestĪfter you download the above, you can grab your PSVita and do the following in order to install what you just downloaded: Optional – A wallpaper of your choice to make the interface look even better.This contains the stuff that will make RetroArch look great including fonts, menu icons, themes, audio/video filters and much more.Ive been at this for a week and about to loose my mind lol.If you just install RetroArch’s VPK without the data files and the configuration below, it won’t look pretty Ive tried setting descktop res on crt to 2560×240 also but just get a squished image but its there and isnt out of sync.

#RETROARCH N64 SETUP 240P#

I think once when I set crt to 60hz interlaced the game would load but it wasnt in 240p super res it was in mushy 480i. Do I need to run the crt at a specific resolution since it seems bigbox just takes whatever resolution the monitor its on is ran at? Ive tried 640×480 30hz interlaced, 60hz interlaced, 120hz interlaced and all give me the same out of sync image when a games loaded through bigbox. I feel like its something to do with retroarch being able to switch resolutions fine on its own but when ran through bigbox it gets messed up. After doing the above, every rom/core is running fine in retroarch directly but if ran from bigbox i get an out of sync looking screen. It would only work by setting video_refresh_rate to 30 and save_on_exit to false or it would keep starting in 60hz and my games wouldnt load right.

#RETROARCH N64 SETUP TRIAL#

It took me days of trial and error with the config file to get retroarch to launch roms that would display properly in 240p super res. I have groovymame running from bigbox fine and it looks amazing! Ive installed crt emu-driver and all the custom modelines in your guide. I only had 3 games that were a problem, so it wasn’t that bad… once you have one script for a game it’s just mostly cut-n-paste to do the others. The script also has a line to change the desktop resolution back to whatever it was when you exit the game. The script changes the desktop resolution to 400×256 before launching the game ROM and specifying the custom config file I made above. So now I have my front end (in my case Attract Mode) launch a special Autohotkey script for these problem games. You will not be using superresolutions for these games. Set the aspect ratio to 1:1 PAR (the RA value for this is 21 I think), turn off bilinear filtering. You don’t want to blow away the config file you made following the instructions in the article above. When you make this, make sure the first thing you do it turn off the “save on exit” option and rename this config something else (I called mine 400×256.cfg). I had to create a fresh retroarch.cfg without super-resolutions. I kludged together a fix… just listing it here in case someone stumbles on this.

[thepastdied]

(Part 1 of "Stop It" Series) The idea of kylo getting caught masterbating isnt mine. However, everything else is as I came up with all dialog and the actions of Kylo and the reader.

So, bon appetit.

MINORS DNI - THIS IS 18+ ONLY

Stop It

Kylo's heavy footsteps echoed throughout the corridor as he headed for his quarters. Ever since he woke up he had been.. bothered. His head was flooded with lewd thoughts that made him stutter when ordering around officers and he couldn't concentrate during meetings at all. It embarrassed him.

The blast doors to his quarters opened and he quickly walked inside before they locked shut. He ripped his helmet and gloves off and tossed them, not caring where they landed.

He couldn't stop thinking about how your clothes were fitted to your frame in all the right places. Were you teasing him? No. You were close, but not that close. With his helmet on he was able to stare at you endlessly. The image of you in the conference room was imprinted in his mind. You would stand up against the wall with your arms crossed, a concentrated and stern expression on your face as you listened intently to whoever was speaking. His eyes would trail your body and... maker.

Your thighs.

He loved everything about your body. But your thighs drove him up a wall. He wanted to grab them as he railed you against the tab-

Kylo's back was against the wall. He stared straight ahead and then sighed with his eyes closed as he ran his fingers through his hair. He was trying to remain calm, but he was on the verge of going feral. He ripped his overshirt off and let his legs give out.

Such was a pathetic mess. He was so hard that it ached, his head was spinning and he sweared he could have came with just one touch.

He didn't care, honestly. He would often beat off to you. But this time was different. It felt like weeks since he had done it. He needed to release himself. And it was your fault.

You.

He pulled out his dick as his chest rose and fell with each deep breath. Kylo let out a satisfied sigh as he grabbed it firmly and leaned his head back. He was starving. His slow strokes only made it ache more, but he wanted this to last.

"Mm.. fuck." Kylo licked his lips and rolled his shoulders.

He felt a tingle on the back of neck that sent shivers down his spine. This feeling was all too familiar and he knew exactly what it meant. His mind was so gone that he didn't care. He opened his eyes and stared straight ahead.

Right at you.

He let out a huff as his view of you became more clear. A million thoughts were running through his mind and it made him feel dizzy. He should be covering himself, ending the force connection, telling you that "its not what it looks like", or just letting himself just die of embarrassment.

But he was so fucking horny.

And he couldn't think straight at all. The only thing on his mind was how bad he wanted to cum. More specifically, to the thought of you.

He smirked. You might as well have walked into his quarters because he wouldn't stop even then.

Your mouth was slightly agape and eyes wide. You spun quickly around with your hands over your eyes. Kylo admired your hair that fell down your back, your ass and.. thighs

He began to stroke again and suppressed a moan.

"Kylo, I don't think this is the right time."

Your face was as hot as it had ever been. You didn't know how to react, it was so sudden and he wasn't even trying to hide it.

"Y-yeah, for you." Kylo muttered.

You said nothing and kept your back toward him. You could hear his panting as he pumped himself.

I must be fucking insane. He thought. No, I am. He was already so deep and he didn't need you interupting his moment.

"y/n." He pumped faster and bit back a groan. You slowly turned around and tried your hardest to look anywhere but his dick. His eyes wouldn't meet yours.

He felt vulnerable. But he liked it. "I can't stop."

"Yes you can." You snapped at him. "I can't turn off the connection. Only you can, stop." You took one step toward him and he bit his lip and shut his eyes.

"I can't. J-just act like it's not happening." He swallowed and used his free hand to move his sticky hair from his eyes.

"What do you mean?! I can't act like you're not bea-"

"That conference today. It w-was so boring - fuck.." He moaned and let his head fall forward and he breathed and continued to speak.

"I couldn't wait to come back to my quarters. I c-couldn't stop thinking about-"

He cut himself off with a fake cough. Kylo rolled his head slowly up and smirked while keeping his eyes locked onto yours.

"What about you, y/n?"

Your legs felt like jelly. That cocky smile.. There was nothing to say. Kylo knew he got you choked up and he loved it. But you wouldn't give him the satisfaction. You decided to let him keep his high, but you were in charge. Might as well have fun with him. You moved down toward the ground, your eyes not daring to leave his. Kylo stopped his strokes and tensed.

"You're right, Commander. That conference was so boring."

You tilted your head at him as he began to move his hand up and down his shaft as his lip quivered. "Commander"..it sounds so hot when she says it. You let your eyes flicker down for a moment before meeting his eyes again.

"There was a lot of important details that were addressed. What did you think of them?"

Kylo closed his eyes and tilted his head back again. His tongue quickly wet his bottom lip before he spoke.

"Yeah. Interesting."

"That's all? What was interesting about it?".

You pressed him. He had no idea what the meeting was about. Literally, no idea. Fucking and getting off were the only things on his mind since he woke up and that put him in a bad mood for the entire day- up until now. This was amazing.

"You changed your hair today." His head didn't move as he looked at you through half hooded eyes. There was sweat glistening on his face. His hair was slightly disheveled and sticking to his forehead and neck. You nodded and swallowed as you looked down at your hair and you ran your fingers through it.

"I did. I'm surprised you noticed-"

"I always n-notice." His hips moved forward and grunted followed by a moan- not even bothering to tone it down. You clenched your thighs together as you intently watched him. You were sweating and would feel your shirt sticking to your skin.

"You noticed my hair but can't tell me the main concept of the meeting? Maybe you should stop jerking off and sleep so you can pay attention tomorrow." Kylo glared at you.

"I-i can't. I need to cum." He looked so desperate, like he was pleading to release himself. His pumping hadn't stopped and precum was leaking him his tip.

"y/n, please." Kylo's eyes bored into yours. He was begging you to let him cum.

He wanted you to help him.

You took a deep breath through your nose and shifted your thighs again.

"Well," You unbuttoned the very top of your lounge wear blouse.

"I think we should be hiring more nurses at the medbay. There are too many minor injuries and too little doctors." His mouth fell open and he fixed his seated position so he wasn't so slouched. You swear you saw his dick get harder. He liked that you were playing along.

"The doctors should be focusing on the patients who need it most. Not someone who simply needs a single bacta patch. More droids would help too."

Your hands were crossed on your lap. You were trying to act as casual as you could, but you were sure Kylo could tell that it was a struggle. He was nodding quickly at your proposal.

"Mhmm..More nurses, g-got it." He pursed his lips.

"We would need to find a planet that..." He attempted to speak but sighed and let his head slack to the side.

"y/n. Fuck." He ran his thumb over his wet tip.

"Maybe better food for the patients?"

"Mmm"

He was in complete euphoria. You weren't even sure if he was listening.

"Are you enjoying yourself, Kylo?"

His eyes snapped to yours and he roughly stroked himself.

"Say my name again." His voice was dark. Your skin burned wherever his eyes traveled on your body and currently, it was your chest.

"Kylo, what do you want me to do?" You innocently asked him.

"Ughh fuck."

His legs tensed and he quickly took his hand off his dick as he puffed his cheeks and breathed out. That was close.

"You'll need to tell me. Not everyone can tap into people's minds."

You crawled closer to him and made sure to stick your hips out. His jaw dropped and his breathing became jagged. Your breasts were barely being covered by your top. That lace bra was enough to make him cum right now.

"Y-your shirt." He whispered.

"My what?"

"Shirt."

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Take it off." He groaned in frustration.

You raised an eyebrow. "That seems like an order, Ren."

He swiftly reached over and gripped the front of your blouse before ripping it open causing the buttons to pop off. Both of you stared at the buttons that were now on the ground and then to your breasts.

You could touch.... through the force?

You could touch through the force.

He was just as shocked at you were. He didn't think he would actually be able to grab it.

You quickly scooted in between Kylo's spreaded legs and sat back on your heels. It startled him, you being so close. Your knee touched his inner thigh and his dick twitched. You looked down at it.

"Aren't you going to continue?"

He worked his jaw and pursed his lips as he picked up again. You placed your hands on his thighs and he jolted.

"y-y/n. Don't do that."

He was so close but he didn't want this to stop.

"Do you think there are nurses willing to work for us? You know I don't like to force-"

"Mhm. There must be."

"I sure hope so." One of your hands trailed further up his thigh and he groaned. His hips bucked up into his hand and his legs tensed again as he stretched them out.

"I just want what's best for the First Order." You whispered as your thumb rubbed circles. He excessively nodded and kept his eyes on yours. He looked dazed, his mouth slightly open and quiet pants escaping.

"Oh, maker. I want to fuck you so bad." His words sent shivers throughout your body. You were soaked, and have been this whole time. But you masterbated often and clearly he needed this more than you. You leaned in close to him. You could feel him panting on your shoulder as your lips brushed his ear.

"I might just let you. That is, if you take my proposal into consideration." You moved your face in front of Kylos.

He is so close.

So close.

You sat back again and puffed your chest out. He whined and his fast pumping was turning sloppy, eyes glued to your breasts.

"Kylo.." You put your hand directly onto his lower abdomen. His hand that was pumping himself brushed yours.

And that was enough.

He moaned loudly and harshly squeezed your thigh as he came. Some of his cum landed on your breasts and dripped down to the floor between your legs. You looked down and back up to him.

Both of you remained silent and you slowly scooted back to sit on your ass.

"Uhm..I need to shower." You muttered as you looked away from him. "Could you.. end it."

He was still heavily breathing as he stuffed himself back into his pants.

"Next time... can I.. can I use you?" He sat up more and leaned toward you.

You looked up at him and his eyes met yours. You bit your lip and were about to reply.

But the force connection ended. You were sitting up on your bed, no shirt, soaked underwear, and his cum still dripping down your breasts.

You looked around for your datapad and grabbed it from your nightstand. You fumbled with it as you quickly scrolled through the contacts.

To: Commander Ren

Only if you let me use you.

×

×

×

You can find the other parts on my AO3. On advanced search just type in "thepastdied" under author.

[akidachi]

me @ all TMA fans now that the show is over

[image ID// photo of bernie sanders with the text “i am once again asking you to watch Yu-Gi-Oh! gx //end ID]

yes yes i know recomending the cardgame anime spinoff is propably the weirdest thing i could be doing but trust me it has a LOT of thematic smilarities and depending on your reason for liking tma you may very well like gx as well

a quick bullet point list of reasons to watch gx from a tma fans perspective:

explores themes of loss, sacrifice, inhumanity, consequences, depression, the inevetability of fate, spitting in the face of said fate and all that fun stuff

subverting the traditional associations of light and dark as good and evil

“you can still be friends with someone you want to use”

(yes i know that one is more a81 but it applies)

GREAT protagonist character development

completely breaking the protagonist down to their bare essentials throughout the course of the series (but especially during s3)

Canon Typical Guilt Complex

strong supporting cast

characters with supernatural powers

canon non-binary character

on that note

canon nblm character

canon (?) mlnb character

european (?) character that ISNT italian, german, french or brittish for once (a personal pet peeve of mine)

the struggles of growing up and the uncertainty and fear of what the future may hold

and last but not least

the slow series long descent into despair that every ygo spinoff has to some extent but damn if season 3 didnt set a high standard it got dark

all that said i do think i should warn you that wheni say the show gets dark i mean it gets dark. the ygo series overall might shy away from a bit of blood but it is not at all afraid of diving into heavier themes and making you feel it. do not be fooled by the lighthearted nature of the first season it is not afraid to make you cry.

 which seems strange for a show thats seemingly just a childrens cardgame anime but when you take into account that ygo started out as a horror manga, and only switched over to the cardgame structure when the duel monsters arc took off, it makes a lot more sense.

(further talking and content warnings below the cut)

all that said heres a couple content warnings (in no particular order):

child abuse

childhood trauma

emotional and financial abuse

less than stellar family members in general

memory loss

medically induced amnesia (yes these are seperate instances)

themes of suicide

themes of depression and isolation (canon typical Lonely content but its all of gx s4)

unreality / dream logic (kinda. again, s4)

cults

brainwashing, mind control and manipulation

loss of physical and mental autonomy (of a sort)

genocide

implied death of children

confirmed death of children

mentions of real world tragedies (offhand once or twice in s2)

significant mental and emotional torment of the main character

temporary character death

permanent character death

(no neither of these are the typical “shadow realm” ygo deaths im talking about regular dying, and not of the fun and peaceful kind either)

(yes several of these are on screen)

also please not that some of these content warnigns apply to all of, or multiple series of ygo

especially themes of suicide, child abuse, and genocide, all 3 of which are covered in every ygo series on SOME level with varying severity

it may seem tempting to skip straight to season 3, as a lot of the more tma esque content is found there (though s2 goes hard as well in my opinion) i really do recomend watching the show from start to finish, as pretty much all the characters experience some level of character development, and seeing them all change throughout the series is an absolute treat.

also on the dub vs sub debate i really do reccoment watchign GX subbed. not bc dubbed anime are nessecatily bad but bc Dub and Sub GX are practically 2 entirely different shows with the amount of changes 4kids decided to make, as well as season 4 not having a dub at all as 4kids wanted to move on to 5ds instead.

(on a semi related note if the anti establishment aspects of tma are more your jam youll propably like 5ds, which has themes of poverty, classism, said eat the rich and litterally abolished the police force by the end of the series while also being about playing cardgames on motorcycles at the same time)

(honestly i could propably make a whole post on the central themes of each ygo series they really take a theme and apply it EVERYWHERE)

also a more recent note

if you like tragedy and big sad

WATCH VRAINS

its like 1 tiny detail away from being a tragedy

i knew what was coming and it still wrecked me

[peachiikawa]

Caged Bird | Prince!Oikawa Tooru x Reader

a/n: if you know anything about fairytales then you might realize that the reader has the flute of the pied piper, though modified for the story. been watching a lot of once upon a time and got the idea from the neverland arc. hope you enjoy!

word count: 1.9k

genre: fantasy, romance

trigger warnings: reader gets hurt a bit but nothing graphic

summary: oikawa has always lived a lonesome life in the cage that is his castle. one day he sneaks out and a beautiful melody leads him to you, a traveling musician. oikawa is about to find out that his luck is going to change for the better.

oikawa gazed out over the town from his balcony

he let out a long sigh as he grew bored from his studies

“why the long face trashykawa?”

his bestfriend and knight walked up next to him and leaned against the railing

“oh you know, just bored of being in this castle. theres a whole town of people out there and im stuck in here. gets tiring after a while”

iwaizumi listened to his friend and nodded along to what he was saying

“then sneak out for a day”

oikawas eyes widened

“youd help me sneak out?”

“only if you come back by sundown”

so oikawa grabbed his cloak and thanks to iwas help got out of the castle

despite being born and raised in this town oikawa had no idea where he was

and after about ten minutes he was completely and utterly lost

until he heard the faint sound of a flute

he followed the sound until he ended up in the mostly cleared out town square where he saw you playing a small wooden flute for those who were present, though you had no audience

everyone walked past you as if you were invisible like you werent playing such a beautiful song

he approached you slowly and listened until you finished your performance

“that was really good”

you looked up at him and smiled

“always a pleasure to play for those who need it”

the bright smile on your face felt warm and inviting

like he was meant to be here

“would you like to take a seat next to me?”

you gestured to the spot next to you and he gladly took it

“so...whats your story”

hes hesitant to answer your question

“ill tell you mine if you tell me yours”

you set your flute down in your bag next to you

“well first of all my names y/n and my life is nothing too interesting. im a traveling performer and play my flute as a way to pass time and help those who need it. always come across the most interesting people this way”

traveling. thats something oikawa could only dream of

“so cmon now tell me about you”

he peaked at you through his hood

“ok but dont make a big commotion..im oikawa tooru”

you laughed a bit

“thats funny you share the same name as the prince”

you stopped laughing when you saw the serious look in his eyes

“oh..oh! im so sorry for being so rude!”

you started to scramble around when he grabbed your wrists to stop your movements

“shh yes im the prince but stop flailing people are starting to look”

once you had calmed down he went on

“ive been confined to my castle my whole life and stuck to certain rules i have to follow. it seems like even if i catch a break something else comes along. i have to stay this perfect image because im the prince and it just gets so lonely. its as if im a bird trapped in a cage and theres no way out”

ah so there it is

the reason he could hear your flute

you picked a flower that was growing next to you and placed it in his hair as you spoke

“im sorry your lifes been like that but oikawa, if i may be so bold, even a caged bird will become wise enough to break free. the dream of flying is too great to resist”

Once you had properly placed the flower you smiled at him before standing up from your spot and grabbing your bag

you then held your hand out to him

but he couldnt gather his thoughts

you were so bright it was almost blinding

“now cmon! lets go have some fun!”

he looked at the hand held out to him

and with a leap of faith, he took it

he was going to get out of this cage, this perpetual cycle

and finally add some meaning to his life

day after day you two spent your time together

oikawas days that were once filled with hollow words and empty actions were now filled with happiness

filled with you

and everyday slowly but surely he was falling for you

passing glances turned into prolonged gazes

his heart could no longer stay still around you

you became the key to his happiness

but for now...he had to be content with just being next to you

it would be too selfish otherwise

to ask you to stay with him here in the kingdom...he could never trap you like that

“so what are we doing today y/n?”

you were strolling through the town on a quiet sunday afternoon like you had the last few sundays

“how about we go to the bakery? theyre usually busy but since its sunday i bet its not as packed and then i want to take you somewhere”

he was curious as to what you had in store but decided against asking questions

so you two got some baked goods and headed out towards the woods

“cmon we’re almost there”

you pushed some branches and shrubs out of the way

and one eventually hit him in the face

“watch it y/n! i keep getting wacked by you”

you just chuckled a bit which oikawa had found adorable in itself

it made his heart slow just hearing it

“just come on!”

eventually you two made it to a clearing over a beautiful lake

he didnt know that there was something like this so close by

he was absolutely amazed by it

“take a seat oikawa! we can rest and eat here!”

this moment was just too perfect to him

with you here he felt as if nothing bad could happen

that if he only could see your smile everything would be alright

being content with just being at your side...was no longer and option

he knew that if he wanted this he needed to take his chance

“y/n”

your eyes were full of life and he couldnt help but feel so happy next to you

and before he knew it he was closing the gap between the two of you with a hand gently cradling your cheek

but right before you two could kiss you were ripped away from him

“dont you dare touch the prince commoner!”

oikawa frantically looked around as many of his guards came out of the brush

“get your hands off of them!”

you were pressed to the ground and the sight almost broke his heart

“sorry your highness but we’re under strict orders to bring you back and throw whoever was seducing you to leave the castle into the dungeon”

the guard that had been on you lifted you up like you were a sack and bound you by rope

you gave oikawa a final smile before you were taken away even though you were so banged up that it made him want to puke

he was speechless

this is what he was talking about

being so controlled and monitored made him feel so small and helpless

and he absolutely abhorred it

“your highness your mother is waiting for you in the throne room”

oikawa was beyond upset

this isnt how he wants to live

“mother how could you throw the only good thing in my life away!”

his mother sneered at his words

“only good thing? what need to you have for that filthy peasant! and how dare you cast me aside as if i hadnt given you everything you own, everything you are is because of me! i will not allow for any of this nonsense! now go wash up. and dont you dare ever leave the castle again and i forbid you from seeing that nasty peasant again. wasting your time with such a person...”

he gritted his teeth and was about turn to leave

his emotions were running too high

he wasnt himself and he knew it

but even so...he wont allow it to end like this

he was going to end it on his terms

“no”

“what did you say?”

he stood his ground

“i said no mother. im going to live the way i want and with who i want. ill gladly give up my title because frankly, i never wanted it in the first place. and dont you ever call y/n filthy or nasty again. their so incredibly kind and full of joy and laughter. i can only hope to be like that one day. so ive decided that im leaving. with y/n.”

as soon as the doors shut behind him he let out the breath he didnt even know he was holding

but it also felt as if there was a giant weight off of him now

“im coming y/n dont you worry”

it had been a couple hours since you were brought to your cell

you didnt have any major injuries, just a few cuts and scratches from when you were body slammed to the ground

“do you mind if i play?”

you pulled out your flute and the guard nodded

“thank you!”

you started playing and filled the cell you were in with a relaxing tune

“why do you play if it doesnt make noise?”

you stopped and looked at the spiky haired man who stood outside your cell

“it takes a certain person to appreciate its music”

he just looked at you as if you were crazy

but you continued anyways

until you heard frantic running coming from down the hall

“iwa you gotta let them out”

oikawa was panting trying to catch his breath

“dude no offense but your mom would kill me and you if i just let them out”

oikawa grabbed the key from iwaizumis waist before he even realized what had happened

“dont worry about it iwa. and dont worry about me. today i start my new life. it was good knowing you buddy”

they gripped hands the way they always had. A solemn but knowing look was shared between them

“if i had known me letting you leave the castle one time would lead to this...i would have done it a lot sooner. good luck out there bud”

oikawa quickly turned to you and helped you off of the ground

“you ready to run?”

he cupped your cheek and ran his thumb over one of the small cuts

hed be sure to treat that later

you nodded and leaned into his hand

“are you sure this is what you want?”

you were happy to leave with him

its more than you could ever ask for

“y/n youre the only person thats made me feel free. and by doing this i will be.”

you two finally got to share the kiss you had been deprived of and not only was it full of love but also full of hope for your future

“then lets go”

and you two sprinted off to your next adventure together

the flute you possessed was one he could no longer hear the sound of after that day

for it was enchanted, only to be be heard by those who were lost and lonely

with you he was neither anymore

and he couldnt be any happier than living out the rest of his days with you as a free man, a bird outside of its cage

[shattered-catalyst]

OCD Subtypes for the RPC

Part 1 is here

Well well well, we are back for Part 2 of the Roleplayer’s Guide to OCD.

Fellow Ocd Folks, I see you in those tags and I'm going to do my best to ensure those obsessions are represented here- BUT understand that physically it is not going to be possible to list every single one because I am one person.  Regardless its incredibly brave of you all to rb and add things in the tags, I know its hard to talk about this shit and I see you. I see you.

Resultantly I typed this out and posted it in formatting to assist with accessibility in mind; if you cannot read it still ( I tried Im sorry!) i recommend the copy and paste method or getting the chrome extension bee-line reader.

 There will be grammatical and spelling mistakes. Im sure spacing is odd some places, but you have to understand doing this is extremely anxiety provoking for me so Im just getting it done when I can.

Remember to use your critical thinking; not everyone has the same symptoms/compulsions/triggers and all that.

OCD is fluid. Its like liquid mercury. One day its a handful of subtypes another day its another different serving.

If you are in general squicked about certain topics even by mention read ahead with your own judgement. Remember us folks that have OCD have many disturbing and distressing experiences so if you are writing a character who has OCD and you can’t read about it just don’t give them that obsessive thought/ compulsion. Make sure writing is still a safe and enjoyable hobby for yourself first and foremost.

But ethically and morally I cannot and will not leave out the more disturbing bits. You have the ability to scroll by, I and many others do not get the chance to escape triggering content that our own mind creates.

So read ahead with your best judgement or at least skip around the squicky parts and educate yourself on what OCD is so people quite using it as a Obsessive Christmas/Corgi/Cat Disorder thing. Alright? Cool beans.

Okay so you made it passed post 1 and got under the read more. Give yourself a gold star for diving into this monster of a document.

Below is a crash course it is not meant to replace actual psychoeducation, personal research, or google. Honestly most of us do our research extensively but because OCD is treated so horribly by social media, media, and society in general.

I wasn’t sure where to throw these together because the education tools to learn fully about OCD are very specialized and thus very restricted. I found that many people DO have these experiences with OCD though so I will represent them throughout. I’ll also sprinkle some of my own experiences so you can get a good reference of a person who has the disorder and not just a randomly generated person.

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So OCD is made up of Obsessions, Trigger, Intrusive thought, Misinterpretation/feared consequence,Somatic and Psychological Anxiety, and Compulsions/Rituals.

Your character may not be able to list all of these. In fact if they aren't in ERP therapy they may not be able to puzzle these things out. But YOU as the writer should know them. Your character won’t be walking around talking to just ANYONE that they have OCD. Remember a huge aspect of OCD is it’s Shame.  The disorder makes us feel intense shame regarding our intrusive thoughts, as a result OCD goes undiagnosed for years especially if it has pediatric onset.

  We won’t tell anyone what we are experiencing or why we are doing x y or z. We act like nothing is wrong because to emotionally react is to admit to yourself- and therefore the world- that you have had this intrusive thought and are therefore by virtue a horrible person.[For further information I would suggest also researching PANDAS].

It may be noticeable if your character has an intrusive thought. They may wince or grimace or roll their eyes certainly, but they won’t open up to Joe at the cafe about how their brain is constantly torturing them. I apparently have a very noticeable eye twitch.

 Depending on the nature of the intrusive thought it will get more or less of a reaction out of me. Its usually dependent on how distressing the intrusive thought is and/or if its a new one.

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You see OCD doesn’t sit still. It never looks the same. You’ll have your long haul intrusive thoughts that are with you for years but then you’ll have weird ass ones that just appear and demand their voice be heard yelling about cars hitting people or squirrels getting eaten.

Some people have similar ones! So while everyone is different there will always be someone out there with an intrusive thought similar to yours.

 For instance; I bonded emotionally with a lady on reddit because we both have intrusive thoughts during storms that animals and the homeless are dying. We were both horribly relieved to find another person and also distressed that every snow or rain storm brings horrible images and whispers to your mind that while you are warm and snug in bed someone is freezing to death. And its all your fault.

Some days are better than others. As with all mental illnesses it isn’t CONSTANT ALARM BELLS. Some days it will be all alarms and other days it will be like a gentle whisper on the breeze. You can almost not notice it. Almost.

Obsessive thoughts run the gauntlet from ‘i will/could have/may/may accidentally harm etc’ something that you hold of value. This is any obsessive thought that you have: you think about repeatedly and not by choice, it is very anxiety provoking, it is unwanted, and unwelcome.

 Mine run the scale from ‘squirrel will be murdered’ to ‘being responsible for harm’.

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. In short, compulsions and rituals are not fun. they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder. 

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To emphasize from post 1: magical thinking and the faulty link between thoughts and actions are hallmarks of OCD.  Magical thinking can be anything from contamination to if I turn around three times or stare really hard at something the bad thing wont happen. Sounds weird and is weird and we know it is thats why its a disorder and not a delusion.

The faulty belief that thought=action is the biggest hurdle it is incredibly difficult to grasp, at least for me maybe some of you that have done further ERP can attest, that the mere concept of a thought not being the same as an action is completely and totally mind blowing.

Free will? Yeah thats terrifying. IDK about anyone else but free will is absolutely terrifying; what do you mean i could do anything i wanted?

Thats how you face OCD(WITH A TRAINED THERAPIST). You give in to ambiguity and the unknown. Its breaking that link between thought and action. Its incredibly difficult and draining. A five minute exposure leaves me in shatters for a week and two five minute ones had me ripping my nails past the nail beds with anxiety.

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Just a reminder: Do not have your character expose themself or expose folks with OCD to a trigger to “ help us get over with”. That is literally forcing someone with a mental illness into a break down and is not helpful. In fact its worse because a person knows about this intrusive thought and they tried to make it real. More shame and some trauma. 

If you have OCD, more likely than not a family member or significant other has tried this with the purest of intentions. But it never works like that. Theres a reason that therapists get special training for this. If people want a post on ERP I can make one at some point. 

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Actually let’s drag me with the squirrel thing as the example- fellow OCD Folks get out a pen and paper and try breaking down one of yours;

Obsession:Squirrel will be murdered

Trigger: seeing a squirrel

 Intrusive thought: Graphic images of a squirrel being murdered by a hawk/ impaling depending on the day

Misinterpretation/feared consequence: Squirrel will be killed and its all my fault

Somatic and Psychological Anxiety:intense anxiety, palms sweating, heart racing,

Compulsions/Rituals: Must stare at the squirrel to prevent bad things from happening, 

Now imagine if that is every time you see a fucking squirrel. You have somehow become completely and totally transfixed on a squirrel and nothing is going to pull your attention away or the squirrel dies- which your mind is giving you lovely images of btw.

Cute right?

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Below are the subtypes with general information/example thoughts/ and how some of these have impacted me socially because apparently some people dont understand that mental illnesses impact their social lives?? yall...

Social: This can range from ‘ i am constantly thinking i did something wrong so i have to ask for reassurance that we are still friends’ to completely unrealistic worries. Maybe its an intrusive thought that ‘ your voice is annoying them’ . There’s reassurance seeking, internal and external checking.

 It makes friendships extremely difficult and exhausting. You’re not trying to get to know someone with an annoying frat boy egging on anxiety in your brain. This can also manifest as having strict rules for yourself and ethical codes. 

My therapist likes to say she could give us (folks with OCD) a pile of hundred dollar bills and come back and they’d all be returned. Because OCD makes you so strict and morally confined. Which ISNT fun. Like I dont get pleasure over having to memorize the entire Code of Conduct!

Social Media: Its the bane of human existence some days and a lifeline the next. But what if everytime your follower count was an odd/even number it sent you into a panic attack. What if you spent all your time with intrusive thoughts that somehow someone misinterpreted a post or that someone is going to be harmed by a post you made about tapirs. 

You may be forced to block people to get your number down or keep pornbots on your blog to keep your number what you like (see there is a use for them! We sacrifice those before actual users!) You may be refreshing your page every second because ‘what if you miss a message’. It's going to look a lot like ‘check check check check reassure yourself double check your posts check check check reassure check check FALSE MEMORY check your post etc’

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Clothing/Body Image: When its not Body Dysmorphia it can be OCD. Sometimes this looks like I obsess about a body part and therefore I choose my clothes/hairstyles to hide those.  Some personal examples: as a kid I was sure that mind readers exist ( THIS IS AN OCD THING TOO I was so relieved to find that out) and that if i didnt wear  a particular hat they would see all these horrible thoughts and it would be revealed what an awful person I was. So I wore the same dumb ass bucket hat for a year (or more I cannot remember but it was a long ass time).

I was once so fixated on being given a compliment on my eye color that I wore sunglasses (even at night) to a summer camp. And if any of those teen girls in that cabin that stood up and mocked me in a crowded lunch hall by singing ‘i wear my sunglasses at night’ you all owe me 40$.

Even younger still I had intrusive thoughts. Like say, if anyone noticed I was female that i would be kidnapped so I chopped my hair very short. I altered my appearance to be very androgynous and even switched to walking more masculine. Because omg if your hips move someones going to kill you thats just how it works. ( It doesnt help I later figured out I was a lesbian)

Your wardrobe may be impacted by OCD and yes so can your body image.

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Also yes the fear of mind readers is also a thing; i always thought I was somehow faking OCD because yes that is also a…..

Faking: Do you value telling the truth? Do you detest lying ? Boy Howdy do I have some news for you. OCD is going to try and convince you that YOU LIED. Whether it was on a chastity pledge to get a free sandwich or in a conversation you just HAD. This links a lot with false memory OCD.

Another aspect is OCD makes us doubt we have OCD and tries to convince us we have any other diagnosis under the sun and we are obviously faking our OCD.

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Sexual Orientation OCD; It is as it is called. Sexual Orientation OCD is what happens when your brain goes ‘hold on what if you’re not this orientation what if you are THAT’. It doesn’t matter where on the LGBT umbrella you fall you will have OCD trying to convince you otherwise. From compulsive staring at members of the same/opposite gender to compulsively reassuring or checking with yourself to ensure that ‘ no no you are in fact THIS orientation.’ 

This can range in behavior from binge watching porn, staring compulsively to check that there is OR is NOT attraction,self checking past experiences and memories, analyzing your clothing and your lifestyle in painful and intricate methods.

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False Memory OCD; False memory OCD is basically your brain sitting you in a noir interrogation room, handcuffing you to a chair grilling you. It demands that you did *insert bad thing here*. This can range from anything from something Harm based to pretty much *anything* from other OCD subtypes. Which is quite delightful really.

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Sensorimotor OCD; Sensorimotor OCD is obsessive body responses. These can be ‘ I have to cough really hard and really feel it right in my chest and if I can’t get it right I have to cough until I do’. This can be counting your heartbeats. Trying to check yourself that you in fact have a heart and checking and reassuring that it is still beating. It can be hyper-awareness of swallowing or even swallowing repeatedly. It is anything with selective attention; ie its an automated process but your OCD is forcing you to be aware of it.

Your OCD makes you aware of the sensation of, say, breathing, and then it convinces you that if you stop paying attention to it you will stop breathing. So now you’re horribly aware and focused solely on breathing and breathing alone. It keeps me up most nights with the pounding anxiety fueled by the pressure of ‘if you stop focusing on breathing you will stop breathing completely’ or waiting to feel that last heartbeat in your chest. 

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Existential OCD; You ever feel existential ? Existential OCD is like having a very aggressive existential crisis that turns you into NEEDING answers IMMEDIATELY. This can look anything from hours panic scrolling the net to panic inducing anxiety because you don't know what happens after death. The thoughts are like foghorns on a misty sea.

This sounds basic and the only example i can give is as a teeny tiny 7 year old I had a panic attack in bed screaming that ‘ what if im a dinosaur and im asleep and i wake up and my whole family is GONE’.

To be fair I did like dinosaurs a lot.

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Harm OCD; This is pretty self explanatory but I will give more details. Harm OCD is OCD demanding that you will/could/can/may have/might harmed yourself/others/any living creature and that you alone are responsible. 

This means anything from getting anxious driving over crosswalks because ‘what if you dont see one and hit someone and its all your fault and you hit someone go back and make sure you havent hit anyone’ to ‘im holding a knife so im going to accidentally stab someone’ to ‘ i didnt see my cat this morning and now im at work and think she must be dead and i am responsible for her demise.’

 It can be as simple as ‘if i use a pencil i will stab myself in the eye’ or as complex as ‘ i may accidentally say a slur’/ ‘ i am going to say this horrible thing out loud if i cannot control myself.’ It can also be images of terror or racist/sexist/ableist jokes in your mind that repeat like a broken record.

(Please note from section 1 that this is extremely anxiety provoking and not something you would do. OCD preys on what we respect the most.)

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pOCD; Tumblr listen the fuck up because I am tired of seeing people get called shit on this website for having this mental illness. People who experience pOCD are not pedophiles, they do not get any pleasure or benefit. The thoughts and images are meant to induce harm to the person experiencing them. Children are normally the trigger for this and the resulting images can be very graphic. Again you aren’t attracted to children- thoughts of them getting harmed hurt you so your OCD makes you see them.

Know this so you can advocate for folks with pOCD in real life. Remember we are here. We are suffering and we are terrified of your children.

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Poisoning others/or in your food; Life isn’t medieval anymore but sometimes OCD demands we have a food taster or that we obsessively worry that we may kill someone with our cooking. Personally I struggle with colorblindness so I am constantly fretful over cooking any sort of meat so it’s difficult for me to cook it.

 However this also comes as; obsessive horrible thoughts of your cooking kill someone or that you have somehow/accidentally poisoned someone’s food (even if you haven’t touched it or been within a foot of it ) or that someone has poisoned YOUR food even if no one has touched it except you. You’re going to be picking apart your food or unable to eat out at all.

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Emotional Contamination: It’s similar to magical thinking and this terrifying prospect of mind readers. Emotional contamination can manifest as anything from intense worry over somehow gaining someone else’s negative personality traits.

 Or that somehow by interacting with any role of someone horrible will make YOU somehow also responsible for the horribleness.  There is usually a person or a type of person that is a trigger, but it can also be location based.

 This is one subtype where magical thinking and superstition are apparent.  

For instance; as a teen if a male was in my space or had physical contact;like shaking hands,giving a high five, being in my room etc. I would have to go around and physically touch all the objects that I perceive they may have also touched as a way to cancel out their presence. 

This includes wiping off myself to negate even the touch of family members. It really hurts peoples feelings, my father was especially hurt by this.

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Physical Contamination: This goes beyond physical dirt and grime. Most of us dont have spotless homes because if you’re having a fist fight with your brain everyday cleaning falls by the wayside just like it would for anyone else. Physical contamination holds 2 things: physical contamination obsessions AND compulsive cleaning behaviors/rituals. We believe that a small amount of a contaminate can cover large surfaces.

 Oh, and did I mention its not JUST dirt/germs/viruses. The list is expansive but heres a mixed bag of what they can be: sticky substances,dead animals,glitter (FUCKING GLITTER),negative words or language,colors, numbers, surfaces in general, food, people, and activities.  There is also a hyper responsibility to protect yourself and others from ‘contamination’.

Strangely there is a magical separation between the contaminated world and the ‘clean’ one. Spaces designated as clean would be a bedroom/bathroom/workspace where you are most active. That space is where the compulsions and intrusive thoughts occur. Its not I MUST CLEAN EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. Otherwise I would be working cleaning houses because why the hell not amiright?

A real world example from a colleague would be a young man with physical contamination OCD is struck with such intrusive thoughts about cleaning that they refuse to allow anyone in their room or any animals in their home. But they are not able to even flush the toilet, take out the trash, wash dishes, or do garbage because of their intrusive thoughts.

The most famous would be compulsive hand washing but I feel it is important to also note OTHER aspects of physical contamination because everyone sees the hand scrubbing stereotype. 

Other compulsions include intricate rituals, not touching the floor (i played X-treme the floor is lava during college. I couldnt let my feet touch the floor because it was ‘dirty’),excessive showering (2-8+ hour showers guys, 8 hour showers. Thats what we’re talking about.)

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Relationship OCD: This comes as no surprise that yes you will have intrusive thoughts that you are somehow harming/ will harm/ may accidentally harm your significant other. Whether that be by physical or emotional means. It can look like ‘ I may have lied to her about how much I love her’, ‘ i may not actually love her and I may be leading her on’, and ‘ I must be corrupting her’. These can extend to certain physical activities with false memory OCD as a cherry on top. A great finishing garnish to leave you feeling absolutely dismayed and unable to trust your own perception.

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Scrupulosity: Religion! Whatever that may be! Its a thing with OCD.  With Scrupulosity obsessive thoughts run all over the board from; you committed a sin and forgot about it you monster to having to pray continuously/ a certain time/ until its right. What is right?Ask OCD that’s the only person who knows. 

We are fairly certain my grandfather had OCD because he went to church for every single Catholic Mass. Every single day. Every. Single. Day.  That’s not a healthy amount of attendance(I'm calling you out posthumously because I care Robert!). This can also look like: praying a certain amount of times. Praying until you do it ‘right’. Confessing every single potential sin. Cataloguing and dwelling over ‘sinful’ things. 

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Symmetry or Just Right OCD: Symmetry OCD is the runner up for ‘most likely recognized on tv shows’ award.

Symmetry OCD convinces you that if *insert thing here* isnt symmetrical or ‘just right’ (a magical position or number of objects that makes 0 logical sense) that something bad will happen.

This can range from the known; rearranging things. But it also looks like buying more objects until you reach the right amount and even throwing out objects if theres ‘too many’.

It can range from ‘the walls are percievably not straight so now i avoid that room at all costs otherwise i will be trapped traveling the edges of the wall with my eyes otherwise it will fall in and murder us ALL.’ to ‘ this historical bust is one inch off to the left and now all i see is visions of it breaking against the ground.’

So that is what I have time for. 9 pages on subtypes and basic information. If you find yourself wanting me information all of this is easily accessible online. So go, be free and dont ever compare people to Monk again. Write Batman and Scott Summers with OCD. Give us ACTUAL representation and not throw away joke lines. We are here. Our suffering isnt funny. We deserve representation too.

[littlespaceporgs]

The Clone Wars Reacts - Part 3

Alternatively, Leah misses daddy Plo, gets annoyed by droids and is thoroughly entertained by Jar Jar Binks while simultaneously simping for Padme.

TA~DA! Welcome to part 3 of the reacts series, where we cover episodes 6, 7 and 8! I won’t lie to you, I actually found episode 6 really boring, 7 was less boring and 8 was maybe a little bit funny and I lowkey enjoyed it so much. So yeah, the first two reacts are kinda boring because I was super bored, but 8 is kinda funny. As usual, major spoilers for season 1 of the clone wars.

Part 1 - Episodes 1 and 2 Part 2 - Episodes 3, 4 and 5

So, lets do thissssss!

Tags (as always, let me know if you want a tag!): @acciokenobi​ @roseofalderaan​ @catsnkooks​ @peacelandbread​ @littlevodika​ @icedcoffeeandgays​ @captainrexstan​ @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky​ @mcu-padawan​ @onabouteverything​ @fractiouskat​

Episode 6: Downfall of a Droid

Notes: since writing these, I’ve discovered that I am 100% without a doubt very much a simp for Plo Koon and it shows.

> Pre-warning, I’m writing this on paper and on the train, so there may be slightly less thots thoughts in this one

> “Suffering serious defeats by Grievous”??????? All we’ve seen for 5 episodes now is Grievous lose????????

> Yeah Anakin! You should listen to Ahsoka!

>> (you need to trust my babey)

> Where the fuck is Plo when you need him? I WANNA SEE HIM

> Maybe that image will tide me over? (we all know it wont but that’s off topic)

> Oh for fucks sake I’ve had enough of Grievous

> YEAH R2, WE ALL KNOW YOURE THE ONLY REASON ANAKIN IS ALIVE!

> “this is too easy” oooohhhhh boy, you say that now......

*Grievous ditches his ship*

> ✨ disappointed, but not surprised ✨

> THERE IT IS!!!!! “I got a bad feeling about this” - bringing the total count so far to 2

> W H A T

>> R2D2?????????????????????????

>>> EXCUSE ME WTF?!?!?!?! DID THEY JUST - R2D2 NO!

> OBI WAN HOW DARE YOU R2D2 IS NOT REPLACEABLE

>> This is one of the few times I am more annoyed with Obi-wan than I am horny for him

>>> Wait no scratch that - i just looked at his face again 💖💖💖💖

> I miss Plo already, can he come back now?

> Oh Ahsoka, you’re so cute 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

> omg Goldie???? I LOVE IT he’s kinda adorable

> ooooohhh boy R2 is going to be on that dodgy ass ship isnt he?

> hahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahah

>> fart humour, i love it!

> Unique items, huh

> OH SHIT THATS THE TYPE OF DROID FROM THE MANDALORIAN

>> just thinking about the mandalorian reminds me of the new armour/helmet kink i discovered I had and how much i love pedro pascal

> Goddammit R3. oh shit oh shit bad droids BAD DROIDS

> is R2 just a really good droid? or do all of them make this many mistakes???

> hahahaha ‘gramps’, Ahsoka he’s literally only 5/6 years older than you

> *GASP* Anakin, he’s not a lightswitch!

> Oh shit, R2 was on the ship!

>> HA HA I WAS RIGHT

> fuck fuck Grievous no dont take R2 bad droid

> okay, I love obi-wan but he’s being a little harsh

>> mild turn-on but ok 👀👀

> aaaawwww the little stomping when he’s excited

> Do we get to see R2 do a mad escape?

>> WE DO!

> oh no, R2 you were so close

> tracking beacon?! R3, what’re you doing?!

> sorry anakin, they definitely saw it

> R3 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THE HYPERDRIVE TOO?

> YEAH AHSOKA, YOU SAVE ANAKIN’S BUTT

> You, know, I’m starting to wonder if R3 is doing all this deliberately??

> lowkey, I want to tally the amount of droids grievous hurts/destroys

> well, i want R2 back in the next episode, please and thank you.

Episode 7: Duel of the Droids

> Okay, all I want is for Anakin to hurry up and find R2, because I want this arc to be over

> I’m going to keep this reacts fairly short because I’m a little bit bored

> All I want is more Plo content, is that too much to ask???????

>> If you can’t tell I have a thing for Plo Koon and I officially joined the simp club for him.

> This trandoshan guy is just.... bleh 🤢

* insert gross shiver* 

> YEAH R2 YOURE DOING SO WELL! HOLY SHIT GO R2D2!!!!

> I said it in part 1, and I’ll say it again, R2′s whirring is a mood

> Okay so fucking R3 just turned R2 down, so I am definitely starting to think this is deliberate?

>> HOLY FUCK I JUST REALISED A THING! DUEL OF THE DROIDS???????? R3 VS R2??????????????????

> ANAKIN IGNORE OBI-WAN LIKE USUAL, YOU GO AND SAVE R2 OK?!

> Rex’s expression when he’s told to carry R3 is comedy gold by the way

> Oh please Captain, kindly fuck me

> FUCK YEAH AHSOKA!

> *sighs* Oh the droid humour

> I mean, it is a type of head adjustment I guess 🤷‍♀️

> ...

>> Did you seriously think grievous, being the slimy bastard he is, wasn’t going to kill you?????

> OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT I WAS RIGHT FUCK R3 MAN

> AHSOKA KICK GRIEVOUS’ BIN CHICKEN LOOKI- oh no she was thrown into a wall, never-mind.

> R2 YES ZAP THAT GODDAMN DROID AND SAVE ANAKIN

> oh this is awkward, I love how R2 is insulted that he got R3 hahahahahahahha

> YES AHSOKA YOURE RIGHT, HE IS A STUBBY LITTLE BACKSTABER

> okay the most interesting point of this episode is ahsoka is escaping grievous

> OH MY GOD I WAS RIGHT AGAIN?! R2 AND R3 ARE DUELLING!!!! I CAN SEE THE FUTURE OR SOME SHIT LIKE A JEDI

> THATS RIGHT BITCH R2D2 IS BETTER

> anakin looking out for R2 is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen

> ngl, i had a small degree of satisfaction when I saw R3 get smashed to bits

> “oh anakin... one day” obi-wan is a mood

> oh thank god its over, alright what’s up next?

Episode 8: Bombad Jedi

> HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH DOES THIS ONE HAVE JAR JAR IN IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

> please tell me it has jar jar in it, then it will surely be funnier than the last 2 eps

> OH SHIT THIS EPISODE HAS PADME TOO IM SO HAPPY YAY

> oh in the white outfit too, i love this woman so much

> I’m going to put a photo hear so you can appreciate it too

> My horny bisexual senses are tingling

> HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA IM ALREADY LAUGHING AT THE STUPID FROG

>> *for context he already fucked up once and we are 1 minute and 15 seconds into the episode

> she has a point though, C3PO does usually get into trouble

> oh boy, he sounds mad.... I’m getting a sinking feeling about this

> oh no

>> ah shit he’s gone and joined the separatists

> YOU DONT GET THE RIGHT TO CALL HER SWEET YOU TRAITOR

> I am much more entertained nonetheless by this episode

> wait so they fart insults???? it sounds like a fart and i giggled a little

> Oh and now jar jar’s trying to talk to them

> HAHAHAHAH C3 always gets shit thrown at him or shot at, whenever he’s in an episode I get a little bit happy 

> HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH ITS A FUCKING MAGNET OH C3 YOU POOR DROID

> why does he automatically jump to jar jar’s been killed oh my god so little faith like its a swamp planet???? and jar jar comes from a swamp planet????? of course he gone survive falling into water????

> buta mesa sav-ed you? i love this stupid creature oh my god hahahahaha

> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THE JEDI CLOAK OMG

>> definitely 100% anakins, and I love the Padme has the equivalent of one of his hoodies

>>> I want one too

> ooooohhhh this is not going to go well

> oh boy

> I’m guessing this is where the bombad jedi comes from?

> DARTH JAR JAR

>> I am so sorry no its not mine, but I have no idea who’s it is

> wheresa jedi? OH MESA JEDI?

> have you guys seen zootopia? specifically where they trigger a ‘howl’ with the wolves??? Thats what I headcanon the droids are like with ‘roger roger’

> DAMN PADME THATS SOME MADASS CORE STRENGTH

>> crush me with those muscles please

> “There’s no jedi in here, wait there’s no prisoner in here!” hahahahahahahahah

> One day I’m going to have to do a little audio recording so you all know what sound I make whenever I’ve written hahahahahaha

> FUCK YEAH PADME SLAY THOSE DROIDS

> “I’m afraid the ship has been destroyed.” 

>> “Battle droids?” *shakes head*

>>> “... Jar Jar?”

>>>> “Jar Jar.”

> obviously Padme was right, she usually is

> oh boy Jar Jar is your only hope? you’re in for a shock buddy

> Padme is an excellent shot by the way

> OH MY GOD IT ATE HIM TO PROTECT HIM THATS SO SWEET

> “I think Jar Jar’s dead.” “Oh again?” goddamn it C3PO

> YEAH SLUG CREATURE THING GOOD JOB!

> ...

> excuse me????

> WHAT A FUCKING LEGEND HERE I WAS HATING ON UNCLE ANO WHEN HE IS STILL IN THE REPUBLIC

> okay he has my forgiveness now :))))))

alright, I enjoyed episode 8, 6 and 7 were a little lackluster, but I did like 8 a lot actually, more than I thought I would 

anyways, see you next time for 9, 10 and 11!! (I’m pretty sure I saw ventress and kit fisto in the title image, so be prepared for major ass thots because i am very heavily attracted to one (1) assassin and one (1) fish man)

[fairycosmos]

thinking abt the internet and tumblr culture and how it really fucked up mine and other peoples formative years again queen :/ life is a lot isnt it !!!!!

godddd i know i was JUST thinkin abt this today when i was looking at the instagram reality subreddit lmfaooo……like i just know that in twenty or thirty years theres going to be loads of new mental illnesses caused by being raised within the bubble of social media. like dont get me wrong, as a lonely insecure kid the internet did a lot for me in terms of finding ppl who made me feel more understood, in terms of finding media i could connect with and see myself in, in terms of escapism and understanding how big the world really is………but overall the social media aspect of it is just…..a delusion and a performance and a substitute for living/self esteem. i think it’s more dangerous than it seems at a surface level. i cant imagine what it must be like to be 13 right now and to have these ideas about body image ingrained into you to the point of normalization, before you’re even old enough to be able to distinguish reality from the fabrication that these influencers are pushing down our throats 24/7…….to have feminism be about empowering yourself through sex and plastic surgery……to feel constantly watched by some invisible audience at such a young age. i mean it was still pretty bad when i was that age in 2013 - there was crappy beauty standards and toxic communities and the rampant romantisation of mental illness/the sexualisation of young girls. tumblr was REALLY bad for all of that. and it’s an extremely unhealthy place for young kids. it’s not normal to spend all of your time arguing with people you’re never going to meet about very niche online shit. it’s not normal to be 16 and to have a kink list. it’s not normal to glamorize your mental illness. i think it’s so important to hold an objective standard in your mind about how to use these platforms in a way that is compatible with your own mental well being. but in general i think social media is getting to such an extreme point now, with the whole ‘beauty industry’ booming and the kind of people we’re putting on a pedestal. and instead of talking about it, the general public just seems to be adapting it into their expectations of what life should be or what a person should look like. because if you don’t you’re just hating or jealous or poor or bitter about your eyebrows, honey. it’s a Lot bro and i’m not really sure where it’s headed or how it’s going to end, when enough will be enough. i guess it’s a capitalist’s heaven though, having this liminal space that has the potential to reach millions around the world, to raise them to see flaws in their mundane lives so you can sell them the solution in the form of a cosmetic product. i can tell from my own behaviour and thinking processes that having my formative years coincide with the explosion of instagram, tumblr and social media in general has really marred my perception of normality, mental health, self worth and beauty. :( its sad because it’s something you can never really get back !!!

[atzfiles]

getting to know jeong yunho

hi! i will be looking into yunhos natal chart and share some of the information i have gotten out of it! thanks to yunho, we know the exact time he was born! i am not entirely sure if the place of birth is that exact though. so as always, this is not 100% accurate and i am not saying i know everything about astrology. this is a hobby of mine which i taught myself.

Sun Aries 

aries is the first sign of the zodiac which shows in their characters

they’re always first to start and always first to finish

aries people are natural athletes which, in my opinion, fits to yunho quite nicely

they cannot sit still for longer periods of time

their natural instinct is to use their bodies to get things done

they live a “simple” live, dont like long/drawn out moments and they also dont like planning ahead

aries sun are known for being direct, straightforward and uncomplicated

they also tend to live in the moment

whatever happens right now is most important to an aries

this trait can make them very impatient but also highly innovative 

aries suns are also very brave 

they dont like the long way to a goal, they need to take the quickest route

they also have some childlike qualities which makes them real charmers

yunho has a strong personality, entrepreneurial spirit, ambitious, self-willed and stubborn

possible downsides of an aries sun: very nervous, impulsive, wasteful, provoking and restless

Sun in V

yunho wants to be recognized for what he is doing

he has a lot of unique and special qualities and he wants people to pay attention to those

he has a flair for drama and sports (now we all know what sorta high school student he was lmao)

yunho is proud of the fact that he has such a positive outlook on life

expressing himself brings him happiness

he needs to be careful because sometimes those things can make him look like an attention seeker to others

188 Conjunction Sun in Mercury

he owns a lot of mental energy because his ego and mind are on the same level

yunho is very intelligent and he takes pride in that

he also loves to communicate with other people

he talks and expects others to listen but he himself can have a hard time listening to others, that doesnt mean he dominates every conversation

and here you can see yet again that he has great joy in expressing himself

he studies best when reading over the material rather than listening (to a teacher for example)

this also comes from the strong need to communicate

yunho cant listen and absorb information well, he has to act on it

he has his own opinions and those are set

very independent thinker

if not listened to, he can get quite butthurt

he also cant handle criticism too well when it comes to his own opinions

he has a very witty, bashful and playful sense of humor

272 Conjunction Sun in Jupiter

extremely generous, helpful, good-hearted, well-informed, friendly and possesses strong morals

seems like luck is always on his side

he attracts good and positive things like a magnet

yunho is not very competitive which, as a result, is the reason why a lot of people like him

he also loves to travel because he is interested in foreign places and people

he has a lot of faith in life and people 

he does believe in orders and rules and generally dislikes people that tend to break the rules or even go against the law

very impatient with the wrong people around

he can be trusted very well, is sincere and is good at keeping promises

as mentioned before, very optimistic 

laughs very easily

240 Sextile Sun in Neptune

very sensitive and dreamy

strong appreciation for music

he is naturally very compassionate

very open minded; realizes that there is more to the world than whats in front of his eyes

yunho is attracted to spiritual subjects which works in favor for musicians and artists

he can be taken advantage of because he feels strongly for those who are suffering 

very humanitarian; adores animals

very imaginative, inspired and emotional 

Moon in Gemini

people who have their moon in gemini tend to be very witty and charming

but they can also become very moody and irritable, especially at home or with family

very curious 

a certain nervousness and worry are also known for lunar gemini

he needs way more stimulation than other people

there is a lot going on inside of him

here we can also see his urge to express himself again

lunar gemini think and talk a lot

they like their homes but tend to hate housework

yunho can get a bit messy

he does like improving his home though

re-organizing is something he seems to enjoy

very easily bored

is in touch with his own emotions but he can struggle with handling others complicated emotions

inside the family he is the one getting everyone together for a meeting

doesnt like repetitive routines

yunho likes having to do a lot of stuff

very sociable, friendly and talkactive

comfortable around a lot of people and can speak well in front of crowds

very open to new ideas

wants to talk about problems as soon as possible

sharp intellect

-57 Square Moon in Mercury 

his head and heart get in the way of each other

he can be too emotional or too logical

can be very jealous and possessive

can sometimes feel the need to change partners quickly because he gets bored

imaginative sense of humor

can be hypersensitive because of mood swings

because of the what he talks, yunho tends to misrepresent himself

very happy when he can escape in his own little world 

cant find his ideal world on the outside so he creates his own, imaginative world

loves drama but reacts negatively when he is the one getting criticism 

Mercury in Pisces

soaks up feelings and moods from the people around him

which can affect his own mood quite drastically 

very tactful, tries not to offend people

15 Trine Mercury in Lilith 

can get quite provocative in communications

sees flaws very quickly

Venus in Taurus 

likes sensual surroundings

looks like he would be a satisfying lover/partner

needs to be able to depend on his partner

can become very possessive of his partner

he needs “hands on” expressions of love

loyal

cant get pushed into a relationship

likes comfortable things

he needs a lot of time

his partner would need a lot of patience

“love arrives slowly, but with force”

Venus in VI

he wants to help sick and poor people all the time

wants a job in a medical or social setting

likes being of service to his partner

goes to extreme lengths so always be available for his partner

he isnt ‘showy’ with his love/bad at expressing it but much rather shows it by his availability, doing practical things for his partner or other thoughtful things

pays attention to small details

he is scared that, if the relationship he is currently in ends, he might not be able to find better

-224 Opposition Venus in Mars

from affairs over to full blown relationships; love is what gets this boy out of bed

this can get challenging in youth

he can have a hard time finding a relationship that meets his expectations

very creative

passion for romance is often channeled in his creative output

prone to have love-hate relationships (the fanfics have been right all along)

can get angry quickly but that anger disappears just as fast as it came

likes truth and justice

he never plays false, his sentiments are deep and sincere

might be into someone older because he appreciates peoples intelligence 

-95 Square Venus in Neptune

his ideals are not always easy to achieve 

easy going

yunho is in love with being in love

very romantic

can be a little too romantic; his romantic dreams might get shattered by the reality of relationships

sees what he wants to see rather than what really is

clings to romantic delusion which can be very dangerous and unhealthy

tends to devote his all to someone who is unreachable

he is also prone to loving someone who treats him badly all while he is clinging to an idealized image of his partner

he thinks that loving someone requires self-sacrifice 

:((

Mars in Scorpio

likes to challenge himself to do the impossible

keeps his cool on the surface very well

does not let people in easily 

scorpio in mars is known for having the strongest sexual stamina

even though he tends to dislike people who break the rules, he often fantasizes about breaking taboos

he like the scenario of their partner giving into them, wants his partner completely and will do absolutely anything for them

im sweating

his sexual appeal is strong enough to get what he wants

very jealous, doesnt want to share

doesnt find pleasure in compromises: needs to hear either yes or no

constantly tests himself and others

thinks that life isnt fair  

Mars in XII

puts all of his energy into his working life

likes to research

jobs like a doctor, teacher, police officer would fit him well

he should try to give things a real shot instead of feeling defeated instantly 

he can handle a lot of things by himself in his own unique ways

works more for others than himself

ignores his own needs and desires for others which secretly makes him very angry

takes time for him to warm up to a new sexual partner

likes to solve problems

likes to overcome obstacles

he sometimes can seem cold when he is in his work-mindset

-117 Square Mars in Uranus

tends to be eccentric and too headstrong, impatient

Jupiter in Aries

attracts good things in life

he is initiating, inspiring, enthusiastic and brave

likes doing things on his own

likes games

gets distracted easily

lucky in love and his profession

adores children

generous 

yunho likes helping people in difficulty

Saturn in Taurus 

dislikes greedy people

needs to learn that he is also deserving of good things in life

likes precision

a true worker

possesses all the necessary qualities to be successful in the medical field

Uranus in Aquarius

gets overly excited when starting a task but quickly loses interest

this can give others a banal impression of him

doesnt like routines

-10 Square Uranus Lilith

he can have difficulty finding a peaceful love life because he is the type to fall in love at first sight

seeks adventures which can be harmful to his relationship

Neptune in Aquarius

generosity 

solves other peoples problems just to see them happy

cold facts are hard for him to absorb#

he can get quite nostalgic

Pluto in Sagittarius

love and sexuality are idealized

Ascendent in Scorpio

he has a lot of presence

their manners command respect and he lets people know he shouldnt get pushed around

very powerful and determined 

he can look right through people which can make him very intimidating 

he often gets confused when he earns such strong reactions from people though

yunho likes to read between the lines

values his privacy a lot, so much that it can even cause paranoia

he feels the strong urge to always be in control of his environment 

he plans out every move very carefully and lets no one look into his plans

he is drawn to down to earth and natural partners on which he can rely on

he needs full commitment because flighty partners make his patience run thin

House II in Capricorn

he sees spending and making money as an adventure which can cause financial risks for him

nothing is left to a chance

likes to calculate his plans and dissects them slowly

House IV in Aquarius

he may leave the family home very early on

wants a life that is out of the ordinary 

doesnt like traditions 

House VIII in Gemini

this placement is known for making artistic people generally very successful

House X in Leo

great leadership qualities

the way he is seen by society grows more important to him as he gets older

wants surround himself with equally artistic/influentiual people

if you really read this far...god bless u lmao

i tried keeping this as short as possible, leaving out some constantly repetitive traits and placements and trying to combine his placements rather than to dive into each one individually. please dont forget that i am doing this purely out of fun and interest. My ask box/messages are always open if you want to talk or have questions! please also let me know which member you want me to analyze next :)

[loki-fanfic-whore]

They Call Me Medic ch.14

Warnings-TRIGGERS- mentions of rape, mentions of sodomy, adult situations, adult language, self harm, disassociation

@drakesfiance @tarithenurse @kimanne723

Chapter 14 Broken

Alesana PoV

True to his word. He raped me. I didnt know his name, but I screamed until I lost my voice. He was mericless in how he destroyed my dignity and body alike, after hours of him rutting into me like a common whore, I broke mentally and went numb. I felt the deep ache inside of my body screaming 'no more' but knew he wouldnt stop until I told him whatever I didnt know. He stood and pushed me away, his pale skin coated in sweat and grime. I laid on my back, covered in filth and his cum. My tears had dried up long ago. I could smell the blood, my blood, from how raw I was.

"Well...it seems he isnt coming for you." He spoke angrily as he watched me lay emotionless below him. I stared up into the light with glazed eyes, my mind elsewhere.

"No...no he isnt." I spoke in a hoarse soft voice.

"Too bad...I would have love to have seen his face." The man, no older than Stult said as he turned to me. He had a loaded pistol in his hands once again and I sat up.

"If you shoot me...dont miss. I dont want to limp away from this." I goaded and he cocked the hammer.

"What's your name?" He asked holding the pistol towards me.

"Ya know before I splatter your brains across the concrete. I need to know what name to write on his condolences card."

I rolled my eyes.

"Ally....my name is Ally." I said as I looked down the barrel. I didnt care if I died. I didnt care if it hurt. I felt absolutely dead inside.

A smirk crossed his lips.

"Ally, my name is Thornton, but you can call me Thor. I have a proposal for you." He uncocked the hammer and held out a hand for me to stand. Even if Icould stand right now I would never take his hand. Images of the countless rounds of rape and sodomy he performed on me crossed my mind. I swallowed back the bile.

"I propose you work for me. Be my medic, no questions asked. Be my lover at my will and satisfy my every need. Then I'll let you live. Hell I'll even rub it in Loki's face how good of a fuck you are." I blinked at his proposal and sighed.

"I think I would rather die." A deep chuckle rumbled from his chest and he grabbed me by my hair causing me to hiss.

"That's my girl." He spoke coldly as he smashed his lips against mine.

Loki PoV

I trembled with pure rage as reports filed in. It had been weeks and so far there had been Thirteen killed, twenty-two wounded, half the compound burned down, and three shipments were burned. I knew who was behind it too. The same kingpin who was trying to steal Alice away. I threw back the shot of whiskey as I glared down at the mahogany desk.

"Sir. There are reports from our mole that Ales-"

"Dont say her name..." I spat angrily. I needed to sever all feeling I had of her.

Truth be told I replayed the entire six months I had her in my mind. Every time she would scream how I sat outside her door silently and listened to Ripley whine.

How every day I would check on her and talk, sometimes for an hour, before continuing my round around the compound. I remembered the semi-date I took her on where she met the other kingpins in the area and I showed her off as my trophy, as my claim to her. No doubt that is where he saw her, where Thor first heard her laugh and watched her little black dress slip open slightly at the thigh whenever she moved a certain way. The way she looked after two glasses of champagne and how she relaxed.

Closing my eyes I remembered the taste of her lips as she tried to ride me in the limousine on the way home and how two cold showers and three rounds with my hand didnt satiate me. I should have just let her, if it had been any other slut I wouldnt have thought twice...but she wasnt a slut, she was a lady. A beautiful, caring, kind and considerate young woman who I wanted nothing more than to call my lover.

Stult cleared his throat and my eyes snapped back up to him.

"There are reports on the medic." He corrected. I motioned for him to continue as I poured another shot.

"She has been uh..."he paused and tried to word it in a way that wouldnt upset me. I knew the worse to be true.

"She has been impregnated...and now works for Thor. She was forced into being his mistress and is often beaten for open defiance." I clenched my glass tightly and threw back the next shot.

"That's not all...she.. she was branded by Thor himself." I shattered the glass angrily as I stood.

I pictured her beautiful flesh marred with a hideous burn in the shape of lightening, of the brand I loathed upon my back. I slammed my glass covered hand down not caring there were shards deep in my flesh.

"We have to get her." I spoke in a quiet rage.

"No one deserves that...least of all Al- the medic." Stult only nodded and stood straight.

"I'll get the soldiers ready....when?"

"Tonight. I'll burn him to the ground. This is war." I felt her pain as I tried to imagine him raping her. Surely she hadn't enjoyed it. But now...she was carrying his baby, and forced to be his mistress and even worse...she hadn't had her medicine in weeks.

[21ate]

everyman0

alright guys, i got some things to lay down about the fate of @everyman0. don’t worry: the story is NOT cancelled/going to be left unfinished, but the current hiatus stemming from the past few months may lengthen. i wanna make that clear from the start and also say that this will be a very long post, sorry! with that out of the way, lets talk:

due to recent events that ive spoken about in the past couple of days, and for my own personal reasons as well which ill talk about later down, i will be going through and scrubbing/rewriting certain sections of phase1 of everyman0. this is due in part to my agreement with the author of the callout post/blog that we have worked out in private. the individual has since rescinded their callout, as ive previously acknowledged with my last reblog, so theres no need to get up in arms about that part anymore. my focus now is to take responsibility and do what i can to make up for my past mistakes and thoughtlessness, not only as it pertains to the importance of the individual’s comfort, but also as it pertains to my own integrity as a creator

this isnt about whether or not it was fair for the individual to call me out, whether they were right or wrong, whether i am right or wrong, or anything of that sort - apologies have been issued, mutual understanding as been made, and we are moving on being better for it. what this IS about is me doing the right thing NOW, which i will do and continue doing as i have done over my lifetime without hesitation. and now as it always has been and will be, the right thing is to listen, be understanding, continue to learn and grow, and let my actions be the evidence that i am doing all of these things to the best of my ability. the me of around two years ago is vastly different than who i am today, edgier and very bad at planning things and communicating those plans just to name a few shortcomings, but we all have to start from a worse off place before we can reach a better one and is what ive always tried my best to work towards. thus, as the me of today wants to be the BEST of the best until forever, that will come with a bit of sacrifice and lots of work. that is why im deciding it would be in mine, the individual involved, and the fans of the story′s best interest to retcon everyman0 to something else - something better

honestly the initial retconning wont be a dramatic a change as this post may make it out to be thus far. i can only do so much to physically retcon what already exists in the post order without screwing everything up on down the line, so the plan for right now is simply to scrub the relevant section pertaining to the individual - removing images, posts, and so on. and, because this particular section was a set up for an in-story puzzle, i think it will be possible to rewrite, redraw, and restructure this section without too much of a hassle. this will be done over the next couple of days when i have the time

BUT, the long term plan is to not only retcon this specific section, but also rewrite ALL of the first chapter. i dont know how im going to do this yet or when, and i dont know if this may extend beyond just phase1, but phase1 will be where i start with this potentially massive overhaul. will it end up as a universal reboot of the entire blog? im unsure, but its not off the table in terms of my options

im very unhappy with how ive executed certain aspects about this story, and i have been for quite a while now actually. there have been many times where ive thought about doing things over somehow, even before this situation occurred, but i always laid those thoughts aside because i felt like it would be an impossible task and it would nullify and erase the growth that can be seen in my art and in my writing from over the blog’s run time. however, i see now that while yes this will still be a lot of work on my end, it will be worth it if it means putting out something i can be near totally satisfied with. i want to do this story i have in my head the justice i feel it deserves

i care about this situation, i care about this blog, i care about improving myself as a person towards others, i care about improving my abilities as an artist and a writer, i care about all of you who have supported me and enjoy the content i put out - and everyman0 encompasses all of these things in my eyes. whatever it is i have to do to make it awesome for myself and all of you, ill do my best to do exactly that and then some. 

thank you to all the people who have supported me, i wouldnt be where i am or who i am without you, and sincerely i say thank you to the individual who was willing and able to work things out between us in a manner that allows us both peace of mind and closure; it really means a lot. now that thats all said, i hope u all have a great day! ~ REN

[millowmerriment]

I hope you see the light fade

From my eyes

When you decide to walk away

And decide that I am no longer what you want

I hope that you leave and you remember

The sound of my crying

I hope you're able to hear

My heart shatter from millions of miles away

I hope you watch me pick up the pieces

And that image sticks with you for life

Just like how it'll stick with me

That you left me again.

Ill never let you know

That I can't eat food like I used to

Or that I spent hours in the bath

High as a kite in hopes to forget

Smoke in my lungs

Burning me inside out

In hopes i could feel something

That wasnt this god forsaken pain

Ill never tell you how badly

I wanted to hurt myself

Or even how badly I DID hurt myself

Meeting my old razor sharp friend

In the quiet confines of my room

All I could hear was the sound of torn flesh

Because it was loud enough to silence my thoughts and raging feelings.

Maybe I could try to onset some amnesia

To forget how to remember you

Forget your stupid and cute laugh

Or the way that you called self warming car seats 'Heat Seaters' because of something your mother said once

I want to forget how good it felt to have your hand in mine on a day when all i wanted to do was cry because of my depression

I want to forget the sweet kisses

That now remain like a poison on my skin

But whats worse is that the poison isnt killing me

I wish sometimes that I never let myself open up to you

Because i felt like you were the one

So what was the harm in giving it all?

When I was so sure?

Stupid girl making stupid moves again

I will never tell you how angry

You actually made me

Because if you knew how I felt

You'd surely want to die

Because I know insecurity

And if thoughts could kill, you wouldn't have stood a moment after you said we were over

So much for saying you couldn't bear to hurt me again

I should have known

I hope that the fact

I gave my whole body and soul

To you will haunt you like a phantom

And stick like a stain you can never remove.

I hope you lie awake at night and its a Saturday night going into Sunday

Those nights when I'd stay with you

And when you roll over to look and be sure im breathing

That it hits you like a train that I'm not on that air mattress

And I'm not smiing

Im not breathing

I hope it hits you that I am not there

Ill never tell you

About how I can no longer sleep at night

Because the feeling of warmth reminds me

Of your arms and I cant stomach it

The feeling of being secure in you

And not having to care about anything

Except for whether or not I was hogging the blankets

That wont ever leave my head

I say these things and mean them

Because if it hurts so bad

I want to know you feel it

I am tired of being the only one who hurts

But I

Dont want

To push you

Away

Because I still love you

And you could hurt me a thousand times

And I know that I would still be there

When you fall

When you find a love who hurts you

The same way you hurt me

I will be there

I will be there when the world forgets your name

I will be there when you need a ride at 3 am

Because you got into real bad trouble with a friend

I wil be there when you just need someone to talk to

I will be there to see you thrive and flourish

Even if its without me

Because when I said I love you and would never leave you I fucking meant it

My loyalty runs deeper than the sea

And I will do whatever is necessary to protect you

Because I love you

It will take me forever

To look you in the eyes

And not want to cry

Because i know those eyes are no longer mine

I know that your smile

Will no longer get its source from me

And that once soft face i held in my hands

Has turned to ashes in the fires of time

It will kill me to see you with someone else

And when you show her off and ask me

'Isnt she great?' Of course I will say 'Yes'

Because she is great for making you happy

I know the reward of your laughter

And i know what a privilege your love is

But inside I will be dying

It will feel like my chest is being split open with an axe, slowly and painfully each layer of flesh and bone is coming undone and my beating heart will feel exposed

For you and hear to rip it from me and each share a bite

Because i loved you first

Because Im going to feel like that should be me

Me

In your arms

Me making you laugh

Me making you smile

Me giving you the best shower sex you've ever had

But no

It will be her

And I know it will be her

And every moment I realize that, it will tear me apart

Piece by piece

And I can only wish that I would die in that moment

I love you

And i want to hold you

Til my arms break

But I no longer will take your love

Because it hurts too much

And its not something you will give

Love came to me with shining blue eyes

And a crooked smile

It came to me with open arms and a silver voice

Soothing my demons and reminding me that things were okay

But he left with tears in his eyes

Saying he was afraid to let go

'I want you to stay' said he

For the second time love slipped through my grasp

And somehow this time hurt worse than the last

Saying that we could be friends

And though I love you, we need a break

Maybe it's time I let go.

Maybe I shouldn't wish and hope

That you will one day be my husband

Because three times isnt the charm

And this false hope only makes the hurt worse

Maybe one day i can speak of you

And not quiver like a frightened dog

Scrounging for scraps of love

But only finding the crumbs on the dirt

Maybe one day

The idea of you being someone else's

Will be a thought i will rejoice

Instead of making me feel like a bomb

Ticking and ticking til I destroy myself

I wonder if someday I will be able to do some

Of the things you said we would do

And not think of you

Maybe one day you wont be on my mind

Like you are now

Maybe some day i will be able to wear the jewelry you bought me

And not feel like the metal is branding my flesh

With all the memories we shared

One day I will speak your name

And it will have no power over me

One day maybe

I wont love you so hard

I wont look for your voice on the summer breezes

I wont see the reflection of your eyes in the mirror

I wont masturbate and imagine that its you touching me and holding me

Making love to me like you did so very sweetly

I wont imagine your arms over me in the night

When the fear is consuming my mind

One day I wont cry over you

I hope one day you find someone like me.

And i hope one day i love myself harder than I ever loved you.

[meanderfall]

thank you my love!! ^v^

(lmao i finally did it @solienna... it’s been like months but i finally completed this. also if you’re wondering, when i first tried to answer the original ask, it wouldn’t save any of what i’d written as a draft, so i just started a new post lol)

1. three songs that come up when you put your phone on shuffle

Flaws (acoustic) by Bastille

Wait For It from Hamilton

Here Comes the Rain Again by Eurythmics

3. three songs you were recently obsessed with

World in my Pocket by The Unlikely Candidates

The Darker the Weather, the Better the Man by MISSIO

Walk Me Home by P!NK

8. three songs that remind you most of summer and vacation

this is probably a weird choice but The Kids Aren’t Alright. I honestly don’t know why, it just gives me summer vibes.

Taste by Sleeping at Last (probably bc i listened to this A LOT while playing stardew valley and stardew gives me summer vibes)

Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy

(this section was so hard.... there are like 0 songs that i actually associate with summer and vacation. literally the only way i do is if i discover said song and listen to a lot around the time summer starts)

11. three favourite songs from movie or TV series soundtrack

What’s Up Danger By Blackway & Black Caviar

I’m Still Standing by Taron Egerton

The Cyborg Fights (Genos’ theme from One-Punch Man. It’s an instrumental piece, and it goes off).

12. three favourite songs from video games

i fucking hate you adri, so much, i never listen to video game soundtracks, you fool, i have nothing to offer you

Klavier’s theme from Ace Attorney! Called Guilty Love lmao

I played Night in the Woods recently, and I think my two favourite pieces were Astral Alley (it plays during a dream sequence and i literally fucked around doing nothing for a bit just to listen to this. It’s so peaceful, but there’s something also... wistful or sad about it, that i just love.) 

and Dusk Stars! (That one plays while stargazing with a professor as a sidequest and tbh it was one of my favourite parts of the game. Surprisingly wholesome, and the last bit really struck a cord with me.)

13. three songs you want at your funeral

Saturn by Sleeping at Last

I Lived by One Republic

Pieces by Harbor and Home (low-key this song is practically a narrative for my life and for once it’s just comforting)

14. three songs you want at your wedding

Bright by Echosmith

Lovesong by Adele

Meaning of Life by Kelly Clarkson

(i don’t.... listen to happy love songs.... i was just going through my library of romantic songs and i was like “this is too pop, this is too angsty, this is pre-relationship, etc. etc”.)

15. three songs you want to dance with your love to

Fly Me to the Moon

Turn Time Off

Anna Sun by Walk the Moon (tbh this song gives me a very specific image of like moving into a new home with my lover and this song is playing while we’re unpacking, or even just any high energy song, and we end up pausing unpacking long enough to dance silly together and sing the song and it ends with us like hugging with a peck for good measure and life seems so good and perfect)

18. three songs that remind you of your best friend

Budapest (legit bc she showed me this song and was like “i think you would like this!” and you bet your ass i would love that song even if it was trash)

Another Night on Mars

Trouble is a Friend by Lenka (why? i legitimately don’t know. Especially since she’s the sweetest and most peaceful person ever. Then again she is a junkrat main.... never mind it makes sense)

19. three songs that are your guilty pleasure

Waters of Megalovania

Jessie’s Girl (this is like. the quintessential chad complaining about being friend-zoned, but i jam out to it every time, and im sucker for jealousy and unrequited love)

I Don’t Even Care About You by MISSIO for the days when im angry or having a bad day or more annoyed than usual at people trying to interact with me, and I just want to indulge in my old cynicism and hatred of the world in general

20. three songs that remind you of the person who sends this one

False Confidence by Noah Kahan

Hate That You Know Me by the Bleachers

Happy by Marina and the Diamonds

21. three songs of your childhood

oh boy adri, i was an angsty kid. I also tried to keep this specifically to songs I listened to before the age of ten just bc in my head my childhood was pretty much from the ages 3 to ~9, and honestly corresponds to a very specific period in my life

Because of You by Kelly Clarkson

Pieces by Sum 41

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

22. three songs you listen to when you’re sad

All We Do by Oh Wonder

All the King’s Horses by Karmina

SoLow by Keegan Calmes

(this selection was actually hard bc there are... a surprising amount tbh and that probably isnt a good thing lol)

23. three songs that never fail to get you pumped up

How Far We’ve Come by Matchbox Twenty

High on Humans by Oh Wonder

Shut Up and Dance by Walk the Moon (to the surprise of exactly no one. This song came out five years ago and it’s STILL my feel good song, even when i feel terrible)

(this was also a hard choice because i got so many feel good, pump me up songs as well, which i guess??? balances out the amount of sad songs i know and love??)

24. three favourite old songs

lmao how old are we talking here? early 2000s? before that? 1950s? i’ll just go with some goodies

Addicted to Love by Robert Palmer (OKAY SO. this is low-key an all-time favourite of mine and that i relate(d) to a LOT as the person he’s singing about.)

Africa by Toto (damn fucking right im putting it adri!!!)

For What It’s Worth by Buffalo Springfield

26. three favourite non-English songs

Alles Neu by Peter Fox (for once not a lyrics video, bc the official video is part of the Experience for this song)

The Narrow Street by Shin-Yong Woo (aka Jumin’s voice actor. This is simultaneously a huge mood, and gives me feels for my husband)

Little Traveler by clear (the only vocaloid song i know! im truly a sucker for The Little Prince though, the novel that inspired this song)

(be proud of me adri, this section could’ve been nothing but japanese songs, a good portion just from anime.)

29. three songs that influenced you most (some songs change or save lives)

im not gonna lie, a lot of these songs were kind of taken by the childhood ones but lemme see if i can scrounge up any others

In a Big Country by Big Country

Stand by Rascal Flatts

Better Get to Livin’ by Dolly Parton

(As you know, I listen to the first one A LOT, pretty much every time I get into sad mood and want some comfort, but the other two, i sort of forget about, even though i remember these songs being super important to me when i was younger. And re-listening to these now is... kind of crazy tbh, and bringing up all sorts of memories. I will say, perhaps i should give younger me more credit for how hard she was trying to heal and be a better person, just based on these songs lol)

30. three songs you really want your followers to know (for reasons other than all those above)

Lemme see, im gonna give you guys some songs that I internally categorize as late night songs. The songs that make you feel like you’re listening to it at 2 am on a Saturday night, and reality feels just a little bit shifted, and everything feels deeper, more meaningful

Sloppy Seconds by Watsky

Shrike by Hozier

Hurricane by Reuben and the Dark

Sunflower by Post Malone, Swae Lee

+Bonus. Three songs I can listen to, no matter what my mood

Muscle Memory (Acoustic) by Lights. No joke, even on days where i feel like any song is going to irritate the fuck out of me and im sick of listening to music and the emotions they evoke, i can listen to this and immediately feel better

It’s Alright by Mother Mother (legit whenever it shows up in my recommended i smash that mf play button no matter what. it’s like one of, if not the only, song that matches the screaming in my head.)

You’re Somebody Else by flora cash (same as the two above tbh)