#not to mention that he's also just a major fuckin loser

[autism-swagger]

I desperately want to know where the mischaracterization of Tara being cool came from. He was most likely raised primarily by his sister, who's the daughter of fucking Billy Loomis. I think she's contractually obligated to be a weird little freak.

[coryosbaby]

I Wanna Be Your Dog

Teammate! Patrick Zweig x fem! Reader (minor mention: Patrick Zweig x reader x art Donaldson)

18+, MDNI !!

Content warning . Pervy dom Patrick, major scent kink, wedgies, use of the word mutt once or twice, spanking, anal. A hint— a HINT— of a foot kink (I swear it’s not what it looks like). weird bullying tactics/ dynamics & teammate rivalry. Patrick is gross and unhinged in this

TEAMMATE! PATRICK ZWEIG loves to get filthy. If you ever come to him for a release, expect it to get sloppy and downright fucking disgusting. He loves to shove your nose right up against his pubic hair, all curly and dark, while he ruts against your face like an animal. He loves that you do anything he asks of you (outside of tennis, at least). So when he slides his cock up against your face for the first time— “cmon, baby, breathe that shit in… thaaaats it. You love that, don’t you? You dirty little girl-”— you exhale sharply and mewl. The idea of TEAMMATE! PATRICK ZWEIG shoving his cock down your throat shouldn’t be as appealing as it is.

TEAMMATE! PATRICK ZWEIG who lets you use his thigh to get off when he’s fixing one of his tennis rackets. The actual fixing doesn’t last long, obviously, because you get mad and you get bratty and you make fun of him for losing to you the day before. Patrick’s muscled thigh soon acts as a chair for your pussy as he guides your hips with one hand, the other wrapped around your throat and squeezing — “Can’t run that mouth now, huh? Yeah, that’s what I thought, brat”— as he feels the sticky trail of arousal you leave on his hairy leg. TEAMMATE! PATRICK ZWEIG also makes you clean up your mess afterward, ass perky and up against his face as he forces your tongue against his thigh and begins to peel your underwear to the side. Spreading apart your cheeks and tonguing your cute little asshole as you bury your face into his crotch for a more comfortable position.

And that’s when you feel the wet patch on the front of his briefs against your lip. His big fat cock is just aching for a nice, creamy cunt to come and choke it. He tells you that, too, and presses your legs down onto his hips, your hands against the floor holding you up so he can slide right in.

TEAMMATE! PATRICK ZWEIG who drags you into the sauna after a game. Just sits you down right across from him, rubs it in your face that you lost, and then stands right in front of you and drops his towel. All sweaty and musky and warm ughhh. And you can’t help but shove your face against his dick and let him hump against it, your tongue laving over his balls and making him cum all over your chin and neck. Doesn’t even give you anything to wipe it off with, just slaps your cheek lightly and says, “good job, kid” as he walks off (because TEAMMATE! PATRICK ZWEIG KNOWS you despise that nickname and the way he dumbs you down).

TEAMMATE! PATRICK ZWEIG loves to do this mean thing where he comes up behind you, sweaty and gross, and sticks his hand down the front of his pants. He shoves his fingers in your mouth— “taste that shit? Fuckin’ beat you again at practice, you little fuckin’ loser-“— swirls it around on your tongue then pokes the back of your throat until you gag. You push him off of you and swear up and down at him, but your panties are already soaked and you know you’ll be at his house later that night.

TEAMMATE! PATRICK ZWEIG loves to shove your head against his sweaty armpit after you beat him at practice. He gets so mad and acts like a five year old. It makes you giggle until he’s holding you there and calling you a dirty mutt for “cheating”.

TEAMMATE! PATRICK ZWEIG loves to shove his head between your thighs. No matter the day or time, he’s always got that tongue working wonders on you. Whether it be on your pussy, clit, ass. He doesn’t care! In fact, he prefers when you just finished tennis practice. If you have a hole, especially when it’s sweaty and warmed up, TEAMMATE! PATRICK ZWEIG is gonna stick his fucking tongue in it.

He’s good at it too. Uses his fingers and crooks them just right, absolutely devours that pussy like it’s his last meal. Clit swollen and throbbing as he takes it between his lips, chin and beard drenched in slick. His honey, as he calls it. The nectar of the Gods.

He loves putting his tongue on your little furled asshole, stretching out your rim and GODD is it the hottest fucking sight for him. TEAMMATE! PATRICK ZWEIG, ladies and gentlemen, is an ass man. A fuck-it-and-fill-it-with-cream-then-eat-it-out-of-you type of ass man. And I don’t mean with just yours, if you get what I’m saying. You’re his little whore and he’s gonna stick your mouth wherever he wants it to be (and you have zero complaints).

TEAMMATE! PATRICK ZWEIG is kind of a weird guy. Sometimes he bites the ends of your toes when he’s got your legs hiked up in the air and drilling into you. What can he say? He likes the pink nail polish you have on and the golden bracelet wrapped around your ankle.

TEAMMATE! PATRICK ZWEIG’s favorite position is doggy. Loves to watch your ass bounce as his balls slap against it ‘n the way your little asshole opens and closes like a pretty flower with each thrust. He also likes the way your back arches and how easy it is for him to wrap his biceps around your neck and choke you until you nearly pass out. TEAMMATE! PATRICK ZWEIG also loves when he’s got you in missionary and you shove your fingers into his mouth. He sucks on the digits while his eyes roll back and he grunts out a curse. He bites down on them when he finishes.

TEAMMATE! PATRICK ZWEIG loves when you beg for it. Spit slick lips sliding against his with a breathy whimper— “please, please, please, Pat, need it-“— as you take all eight inches deep in your tight little snatch, lips stretched obscenely around his length. Cunt drooling with your third—fourth?— orgasm of the night, eyes rolling back as your nails scrape down his broad shoulders. Abolishes that fucking pussy cus he’s so desperate to shoot his load.

TEAMMATE! PATRICK ZWEIG loves to cum all over your face and tits. Practically drenches you in his fucking cum, plays with it with his thumb and feeds it to you as it drips off his fingers. Messy creampies in your sore little pussy, spreading apart your hole so he can admire the sound it makes as it gushes out of you. Stuffing your ass full of creamy white cum and plugging it with a cute lil’ diamond anal plug. Ughh I need him

Lastly, TEAMMATE! PATRICK ZWEIG gives you wedgies. He bullies you so obscenely— sometimes he does it in front of your other teammate, Art. He’ll invite the man over, talking to him about the most random topics before girls are brought up. They’ll start talking about hookups, one night stands. You come back from a bathroom trip when they’re talking about pussy, and Patrick takes a swig of his beer and yanks you down on top of him. You grumble— no one is supposed to know ! But Art is Art, you guess, and he isn’t a completely terrible guy. He can keep a secret.

Patrick twists you and shapes you against his lap until you’re splayed across him, much to your annoyance. Your tummy presses into his thigh and your bare feet graze Art’s knee as Patrick directs the blonde’s attention to you. “yeah, but this one’s tight man. So wet, too—“

“Pat, if you don’t let me up, I swear to God—“

“You’ll what?”

He taunts you, flipping up your skirt and letting out a whistle. Art’s just as much as a sick perv, but he’s less open about it, so his cock tightens in his jeans and his eyes widen.

“She’s got such a cute little ass. She’d probably let you fuck it if you gave her a few wins on the court.”

You growl, but not before you’re whimpering when Patrick’s long fingers hook into the middle of your panties and pulls. Your underwear is pushed forcefully in between your cheeks, burning a little but also putting so much delicious pain/pleasure friction on your swollen clit. Patrick licks his lips when he sees the way your cunt lips practically swallow the fabric— he’s almost jealous of it as it becomes soaked with your slick. You press your head into your hands, embarrassed because of the company. Patrick ignores it, though, and his hand comes down on your backside as he holds you up by your panties. ‘N Art can’t help but let out a little chuckle when you begin to squirm, his fingers barely, just barely, leaving feather light touches on your outer thigh.

“Jesus fucking Christ! Quit it, guys, ‘s not funny!”

“Maybe,” Patrick chuckles, grabbing Art’s hand and pressing it against your skin so he can touch you properly. You can’t deny that Art’s hands feel good when they trail up to your ass and give your plump cheeks a nice squeeze. “But you’re adorable, sweet cheeks, and I think Art wants to watch us fuck.”

The three of you never speak about that night, but there are a lot more of them to come— literally.

:: @mysticpenguincreation @nightmare-niko @iheartinkonpaper @becauseseaotters @emmalandry @princesstiti14 @aerangi @kaithoughs @jamespotterismydaddy @wildgirllz

[numberonemoefan]

I was talking to my dad yesterday about fallout new Vegas for around an hour straight, and mentioned I was planning on playing fallout four sometime, cause my copy of fallout sometimes gets a glitch for an hour that just resolves itself later, and he, while playing fallout four, basically BEGGED me not to play fallout four LMAO

it's so funny to me cause he bought me fo3, fnv, and fo4 and I started on nv and I'm apparently making him want to start nv again every time I ramble about it because he, quote, "would not be playing it [fo4] if there weren't mods"

probably still gonna try it eventually, but I doubt I'll love it as much as I love new Vegas (partly just cause I reallllyy love new vegas. also hi to my sister who followed me for some reason. why did you do that? now you just get sick of me talking about fnv in real life and online/lh)

but new vegas's level of detail is insane to me. all the little character interactions. like, a large majority of the groups/types of NPCs who aren't currently hostile have custom dialogue for when you aim your sights on them. I wouldve never thought that there'd be stuff for that. for scientific reasons, y'all should put a gun to y'all's companion's heads LMAOO. but there's seriously so much fucking detail. like, you can just absolutely fucking fail a stat check and still try to say it and you'll just say it like a fuckin loser. there's so much to explore, like the other day I found the mountainy area with the super mutants on accident. I saw there was an area on the map without any places id discovered, and I was like "y'know what? lemme go check that out." and when I saw TREES for the first time, I was absolutely thrilled. the storytelling in the locations is awesome (and occasionally very heartbreaking) too. gonna put this under a read more line cause it's spoilery for some lore, some of it is sad, and also this post is already long

for example, this is like a stupid one, but apparently the entire H & H tool company was FUCKING. if you read through the terminals, you not only get perhaps one of my favorite lines ever, which is

but you also see multiple people making emails that say something along the lines of "I told X I needed to do something. bring the moon rocks and dino head grabber ;)" (not an actual quote, but the objects are just as ridiculous)

AND THERES LIKE THREE OF EM AND THEY'RE ALL CHEATING ON THEIR WIVES/HUSBANDS WITH AN OFFICE AFFAIR PARTNER WHILE ALSO CHEATING ON THEIR OFFICE AFFAIR PARTNER.

this is probably the saddest/most disturbing one, but there's a vault that was overrun by spores that infected the residents, vault 22. I was finally getting somewhere, and I found a room with a key card in it. yay!

it was a bedroom. there was a baby carriage in the room. there were two spore carriers (essentially plant zombies) which I killed, then kept looking through the stuff in the room. there was a type of spore person I hadn't seen before that jumped out of me. it was called a runt. IT WAS THE FUCKING KID. after I killed it I just spent 7 minutes or so just staring at my screen cause. what the hell.

the empty houses are so haunting to me too. like all the different junk items strewn around tell a story if that makes sense. like, toy boxes, or houses with absolute loads of empty alcohol bottles in them. it's weirdly haunting.

nipton is also such a haunting location, obviously with the crucifixions and all. going into the houses and figuring out the legion bombed the fuckin bodies was so horrifying and interesting. according to my dad, they do stuff like that in real life in wars sometimes.

there's just SO MUCH STUFF idk how to put it all into words

play fallout new vegas guys

[popstart]

This is such a gweather win but at what cost. LIKE.... i can see the episode playing out like gwen being gaslit into thinking that this is A Good Idea (its not)

Heather convincing gwen to vote for leshawna because it would look really lame of her if she didnt. it would hint more to the audience that gwen actually cares A Whole Lot about her appearances and how people perceive her (since a lot of people think thats a super thrown on attribute for her to have in all stars) and it would paint gwen as less of a saint

i have a big problem with the way gwen is portrayed to the audience. The writers want her to look like this misunderstood girl so shes painted as this dick in canon but theres nothing about her thats like... even bad until s3 (s2 too with the whole breaking up with trent) but even then gwen was NOT in the wrong for that shit idc.

I think the meanest thing i can recall her doing is calling lindsay an idiot in episode one, when EVERYONE is caught off guard with the state of what wawanakwa is like. Her being in a bad mood is literally the normalest shit that happens in this show im sorry. this show cannot convince me gwen is a bad person, unless it did this. WHICH WOULD BE MILES MORE INTERESTING THAN HOW SHE IS IN CANON. gwen is so fucking BORING DUDE I HATE IT. let this girl be fucked up and insane and EVIL.

If they made gwen stab one of her friends in the back because of her own insecurity it would tackle like the two biggest gripes about the way she is in canon. It would set up her being this insecure freak more (there was also the episode geoff got eliminated. her disliking that geoff wouldnt like her according to her own insecurity but that was also tacked on as fuck) AND it would make her do something actually note worthily bad because of it. she could be actually painted as this underdog in the finale, especially if there were even less people on her side because of that. like seriously. why would half of the people that are on owens team be on owens team besides just being forced on there to make gwen seem like more of a loser. i dont remember owen interacting with majority of them and a lot of them dont seem like the party type. courtney comes to mind but also ezekiel (i guess hes sexist and thats the reasoning i forgot about that) and fuckin idk tyler and harold. AND EVEN THEN....... they didnt know about the party thing. lindsay switched teams when she heard about the party thing. idk maybe im just misremembering about the lack of interactions between characters.

and parallel to the way gwen didnt even vote trent out when he was framed for cheating, leshawna could have seen that heather framed gwen as well. (i think it suits leshawnas character miles better to be forgiving idk. like tda can push this agenda that leshawna is secretly awful but that shit is so unreal to me) gwen could be thinking all day next episode about how bad she feels about voting for leshawna, for letting her insecurities get the better of her, but Gwen and leshawna could make up and be bffs again in the finale. would it be too much to have this thing between both gwent and gweshawna in the same episode? idk maybe. im here to spitball not to be an actual writer (if i were to be an actual writer i would fix gwent from being terribly and awfully executed throughout literally the entire season. pacing issues eaughh.)

this isnt even mentioning how bullshit leshawnas actual canonical elimination is but its talked to death so im not talking about it because i dont really care enough i cant lie.

i hate the writing in tdi so much sometimes actually though. I think if they went this route it would actually be executed shittily bc thats just how it goes in td episodes. like it would be the certifiably worst episode in the entire series barring maybe sundae muddy sundae LOL. au where total drama is good and im not obsessed with the shittiest fucking show on the planet that i actively hate but cant get enough of

[cutemeat]

i have small hope for macden because i feel like sunny writers room brains would go Wouldn’t it be funny if two of the characters who sucked absolute ass and have had terrible times of strain were actually healthier in a romantic relationship than the other people they hang out with… but i also believe they think it’s not as funny as fucking it up sooo bad, if they ever made it canon. this is the plight of A Sunny Loser

yeah i mean again i still think that since they went thru the trouble of bringing back the Cat In The Wall metaphor from Break Up in s15 and having Dennis' arc echo a lot of the same beats as Mac's storylines in HOHC, MFHP, Mac Day, etc. makes me think there's something being set up here... Which isn't even mentioning the more obvious Brokeback refs including Den breaking his fuckin back on a mountain at the very end and caring a little too much about a tattoo on Mac's body that he wouldn't be seein unless he's already seeing/planning on seeing Mac's upper thigh on a regular basis it's.. just... if they don't do shit in s16 i'll be fuckin confused. but i feel like the girls have said that since Foreverrrr so idk! I do agree i think rcg are def scared of botching the storyline cuz again if they didn't care about botching it they would've done something with it already, and they nearly did botch it with DDL.. and I remember while they were writing s15 last year Rob mentioned his desire but how difficult it was to specifically bring a gay man into the writer's room so I feel like part of the feet dragging is coming from a place of good intention since Rob has a whole 'i gotta do right by the gays' thing lmao. but that being said I feel like they have written Mac/Den well already, so they just need to have a little faith in themselves LOL. If they're just afraid of failure the whole time it'll come thru in the writing n it won't be good. They gotta have some confidence in what they're writing and that itself has a lot of pull.

I personally think that they should just go for it because it'd be a way to freshen up the dynamics (esp if they are really gonna keep going for a few more seasons or possibly indefinitely) while still keeping it consistent. A lot of people seem to think that Mac/Den getting together would 'ruin the show' or forsake the formula... But I feel like both the s14/s15 finales had a very 'fuck our original formula' subtext to 'em anyway. And also I personally miss Macden's dynamic being like it was in Manhunters/Frank's Pretty Woman/Dines Out... Eps like that show that just bc MacDen are happy together doesn't make them better people so it'd still fit with Sunny's overall 'this is a show about bad people' motto. And I think it wouldn't be THAT different if they were overtly out and in a relationship cuz they have been written to have romantic subtext n sexual tension right along anyway. It's just been a matter of rcg going back and forth on whether to have the characters themselves realize that and embrace it or not. Cuz we see even in eps like 'Jumper' and 'Big Mo' that rcg have concluded that always just playing it safe and sticking to the formula or "the algorithm" is less satisfying than writing to what feels more satisfying in a story. I believe MFHP was kinda a major turning point for them and also worked as a sorta "dry run" for how a MacDen storyline might play with audiences.

But again, who knows! It seems like they're having fun in the writer's room so far at least, and so we'll have to wait n see what that means for MacDen's stryline if anything when we get there LOLLLL.

[campbluelake]

What's a Mob to a Sobbern | Eri | MM.6

Eri has since returned to her seat, having given Malyce a smile that did little to mask her sadness before doing so. As the trial continues, the subject shifting from the Director’s involvement, she remains hung up on him instead.

His words are weighing on her— a burden pressing down on her chest with such force it’s almost difficult to breathe. “I just want to be with you guys,” is what Malyce had whispered. That kind of loneliness is hard to fathom, let alone carry with you. Just witnessing it causes her heart to ache, and yet…

At least one other person here is all too familiar with that feeling.

Initially Eri had been tempted to sympathize with the thrall; after all, she’s no stranger to misguided attempts at friendship. But the more they discuss their intentions, the less sorry she feels for them. If anything, they sound like a major freak.

“Where the hell do they get off, thinking they can decide who is and isn’t a ‘lost soul?’”

It becomes clear when she speaks that this is to whom all the vitriol she should’ve felt towards Malyce is now aimed towards. At least he has an element of pathetic desperation. The thrall, on the other hand, seems to think they’re doing everyone a favor.

And god, does that piss her off.

“Man, I fuckin’ hate people who think they know what’s best for others! Like what the fuck? Nobody in their right mind would wanna stay here. And who gives a shit if they’re lonely; that’s just part of life, y’know? You can always make new friends without, like, stealing souls or whatever!”

She huffs in annoyance, shakes her head.

“Plus all the goo… Tch. For starters, I dunno why everyone’s always gettin’ on my case for dicking around when a certain dumbass whose name starts with K and ends with yousuke decided to eat goo with Sayacchi.”

She elbows Kyousuke beside her, giving him a pointed look. That is not the point of the conversation right now, but she’s of the mind it needs to be said.

(Never mind she absolutely would’ve tried eating it if she’d been with them at the time of the taste testing. Since she wasn’t, she gets to have this high ground).

“Anyway, ain’t it pretty weird how the goo isn’t everywhere? It’s way worse in certain places, like the parking lot and quarry and where Yuyu’s car used to be. And those places got one thing in common: they’re all ties to our world. So maybe the goo’s, like, the thrall’s way of destroying shit they don’t wanna keep around for their stupid little town? Which is dumb as hell, ‘cause they got rid of all the coolest stuff, yeah?”

Which is to say, most of her jock enrichment has been turned to goo. The obstacle course, the ziplines, even the swimming pool— all gooed. How does this demon expect any of them to be happy without nothing fun left to do?

“Oh, and going back to that picture book we found… It didn’t just talk about a ‘paradise for losers,’ yeah? It also mentioned there bein’ an Adventurer and Sov… Sob… Sobnern?”

The word she’s looking for is sovereign.

“Anyway, I was wondering… Is that King supposed to be the thrall? ‘Cause since they mentioned wanting Jacky-boy to be mayor, it seems to me like they don’t really care about power, y’know? More just bein’ a freak who collects souls to try and help ‘em. But would that make them the Adventurer then? And maybe being able to goo stuff is one of the powers they got from the Sobbern?”

She shrugs, figuring that’s enough of a contribution for now. She’s now imagining Jacky-Bobby as mayor of an actual town… And then running for president of the world or something. Really, she wouldn't mind him in charge like that. She knows he would never turn her jock enrichment into gross goo.

[mythrilhusk]

Korosensei Never Dies - Chapter 7

Words - 2,153 AO3 Version Chapter 6 (Last)

Chapter 8 (Next)

TW: vague body horror, violence, threats

The floor trembles as a nearby generator turns on to power the flickering lights. The sterile brightness slices painfully through Ranboo's head. He winces and tries to cover his eyes, only to discover his wrists are bound behind his metal chair. Out of curiousity, he tries to move his feet. Also bound. The taste of dry cotton in his mouth warns of the muffled noises he produces when he tries to shout. 

Lacking options, Ranboo takes in his surroundings. The tight, grimy walls and lack of windows hint that he could be in a bunker. For the moment, his mind is calmly blank, clear of panic, but that could change in an instant. Not this again. Ranboo shakes his head. His fingers reach and clench in thin air, desperate to cling to his book, feel the glittery cover, see the bright colors of the kittens dolphins. 

Sounds of muffled outrage echo through the otherwise silent halls. Ranboo perks up, listening intently. He can't tell who else is in this predicament with him. 

What happened? Blurry flashes of terror, of pain, of rage, boil just beneath the level of recollection. The dart in his neck, spitting poison into his veins, weakening his limbs- 

He can't recall anything. Not even the terror as his friends scream for help, scream in anger, what are they angry for, why are they scared, why are you scared? 

Ranboo clenches his eyes closed, trying to shut out the creeping panic and the soft voice. 

You're scared because you hurt them.

Ranboo shakes his head frantically. No! No, he would never hurt anyone.

But you would. And you did. They're all here, now, because of your little display. Oh, you won't die. But does he need them?

Who's he?? Ranboo glares at the wall, unable to visualize the voice that sounds so very familiar.

"Aren't you an unusual find." The man slouches in the door, draped in an oversized purple hoodie. "Heh. Techno will want you back, won't he." 

Ranboo scowls at the man as best he can with a sock in his mouth. Technoblade and Philza wouldn't care if he disappeared. 

"You want to talk? Too bad. Maybe later. You don't get privileges after what you did to us." 

The sock contains Ranboo's shouts and curses. 

The man smiles grimly and turns, limping out. "Your friends are fine. For now. Fuck up and one of them dies." 

Tears leak out of Ranboo's eyes, burning and blurring his vision. He hangs his head and trembles with small, miserable sobs. He can't even remember what he did to deserve this.

++++

It's the weekend after exams. Summer vacation. And that means time to fuck shit up. Philza has given out a schedule for the fighting classes, so he'll be preoccupied with that, but Technoblade has other plans. 

Techno strides out of the building, narrowing his eyes at the camouflaged form of Awesamdude in the trees. The government security agent has been watching him for a while. Techno's not technically allowed out of Sam's perimeter around the building, but rules are for losers. 

"Techno." Sam greets him as Techno strides past. "Where are you going?" 

Techno wrinkles his nose, wishing he'd transformed into his chrysaor state earlier. Human form tends to be limiting, and the boar-like attributes, not to mention the multiple sets of wings, are useful for intimidation purposes. "Oh, nowhere in particular. I just thought I'd boost the economy of the nearby town with some of your president's money." 

"Have you seen Tommy anywhere?" 

"Mm, no. I'd assume he's on vacation." 

"Interesting." Sam's expression is completely unreadable. The leaves behind him make a fascinating shape, almost like a dog. Techno stares at the waving greenery, failing to catch Sam's next words. 

"What's that? The leaves distracted me." 

"I said, I got a strange call from him, but now I can't find him anywhere." 

"That's odd." Techno yawns. The kid is probably off gallivanting somewhere and laughing about pranking Sam. "Did you try Quackity's treehouse?" 

"No- he has a treehouse? Where?" 

"Forget I said anything." Technoblade waves a dismissive hand. 

"Tell me, Techno." Sam growls. 

Technoblade considers the effort of intimidating Sam, added to the potential backlash onto Philza, and decides it's totally worth it. "Oh, I'm keeping you safe. It's for your own good." 

"Huh? Techno, what do you mean?" 

"Quackity and the Ducklings will shoot first." Technoblade lets a slow smile crack across his face. He can see Quackity sneaking up behind Sam. 

"They're teens, how aggressive can they be?" 

"We sharpen the motherfucking bones of our enemies and use them to slaughter every bastard who stands in our way." Quackity drops down from the tree, grinning wickedly. "Oh, and Tommy isn't at our place, either. I was just looking for him." 

"Quackity." Techno greets the teen with equanimity. 

"Techno." Quackity returns in the exact same tone. 

"Uh, alright, I'm going to go see if Tubbo knows." Sam moves off awkwardly. "Techno, don't leave the perimeter. I will know." 

"Will you, now." Techno returns in a slow drawl. 

"I've got the kill switch, Techno. Don't push me." Sam scowls, then yelps as Quackity kicks him in the shin.  

"Fucking don't ever threaten the old man again, you bastard." 

"Don't let Phil hear you call him that." Techno reproaches with a grim smile. 

"Alright, alright!" Sam cries, losing the battle for his dignity as Quackity manages to steal his cap and then proceeds to wear it. "Techno, go ahead, but if you hurt anyone in the town, there will be consequences." 

"Who said anything about killing? There's no major governmental figures down there. They're safe from me." 

Sam gives a pained sigh and then strides off to look for Tommy. Quackity sticks his tongue out at Techno, then trots to catch up with Sam, still wearing the agent's hat. 

Techno heaves a relieved sigh at finally being alone and free to wander. Hidden in the seclusion of the trees, he stretches out his wings and breathes in the aromatic air. The thousands of souls murmuring in his veins hunger for blood. Not yet, though. Not quite yet. 

++++

Wilbur keeps his eyes closed, feigning sleep as he examines his situation. His feet are free, but his wrists are bound, and there's a gag tied around his mouth. He can hear Tommy beside him, raging through his own gag. Charlie whimpers on Tommy's other side. 

Where's Eret and Ranboo?? What the hell happened?? Wilbur tries to think back.

<<~rewind~<< 

Eret suggested building a treehouse like the Ducklings'. He said he knew a good place for it, so Wilbur and Tommy followed him. Charlie tagged along, cracking terrible jokes with Wilbur. 

After passing the perimeter, which seemed to have been deactivated, Eret stopped at a huge tree. Ranboo showed up out of the blue, disoriented and asking Eret why he was there. 

And then- and then- what happened? 

Wings, so many wings, bird and bat and beetle and butterfly- 

Ranboo transformed. There's no other way to say it. The quiet, creepy boy who had always sat at the back of the classroom went absolutely feral for no goddamn reason. 

A man appeared, dropping from the trees, buried in an oversized hoodie. He was unfamiliar, but Eret fought by his side like they'd sparred together before. Ranboo, or whatever creature Ranboo had become, grew weaker and slower by the moment, lashing out at whatever was closest. Wilbur dragged Tommy away from the fight and tried to flee. 

Charlie was wounded while trying to break up the fight and calm Ranboo down. Tommy screamed and tried to run back to save him. Wilbur had to follow, he couldn't let his idiot friend die on his own. 

Eret stepped back as Ranboo finally fell unconscious to the ground. The mutant-- or angel-- looked almost adorable, lying there in a limp puddle of wings and eyes and claws. Tommy pulled bandages out of his backpack and started binding Charlie's wounds. 

Wilbur remembers the next few moments vividly. 

"Eret, fucking help me!" Tommy snapped. 

"No hard feelings, boys." Eret said. 

A dart pricked Wilbur's arm. Tommy shrieked as he was darted as well. "You bastard, you fuckin basss..." He didn't get to finish his words. 

Unable to move, Wilbur soon followed Tommy into unconsciousness. 

>>~present~>>

Remembering the events only leaves Wilbur with more questions. But one of them is about to be answered. The man in the hoodie stands over him, his heavy footsteps so unlike Eret's. 

"I know you're awake, Wilbur." 

Wilbur opens his eyes and shrugs eloquently. 

"I want you to write a letter." 

Wilbur makes an agreeable noise through the gag.

"Alright, I'll take the gag off. There's nobody near for miles, so screaming won't do anything besides piss me off." 

"Who are you?" Wilbur asks as soon as the gag is off. 

"Purpled." The man checks his wrists to make sure they're still tightly bound. 

"What would you like me to write?" Wilbur attempts civility. There's no point in pissing off his captor yet. 

"A ransom note." Purpled doesn't smile as he moves to check Tommy's wrists. Tommy attempts to headbutt him, but recieves a smack for his trouble. 

"Don't fucking touch Tommy, you son of a bitch." Wilbur snarls, anger sparking in his eyes. 

"Alright." Purpled laughs, pissing Wilbur off further. "Eret, got a pencil and paper?" 

"Yes, sir." Eret limps inside, one arm dangling, broken. 

"I hope it hurts like hell." Wilbur glares at him, baring his teeth. 

"Ha... I assure you, it hurts plenty." Eret gives a small, guilty laugh. "But you'll all be safe. We aren't going to hurt any of you. All we need is bait." 

Purpled unties Wilbur's hands. "Be good." 

"He just said none of us will be hurt." Wilbur retorts, stretching his sore fingers. "What're you going to do if I try to escape?" 

"I'll kill Tommy." Purpled says darkly. 

Wilbur shoots a venomous glare at Eret. "Hm??" 

Eret puts the pencil and paper on a nearby table and moves to the door silently. Purpled answers for him, "We don't plan to hurt you if everyone behaves. But step a toe out of line, and someone will get hurt." 

"What do you want me to write?" Wilbur decides to change the subject. He won't let Tommy be hurt, no matter what. 

++++

Technoblade returns to the school at night, practically inhaling pockies from the several boxes he acquired in the town. The townspeople had freaked out upon his arrival, but they'd been amenable to contributing food in return for his timely departure without harming anyone. 

He enters the school building and flicks on the lights. Philza tilts his head up, raising the brim of his hat to peer at Techno with narrowed eyes. "You're back late." 

"I got distracted." Read: there were fluffy dogs, and Techno gave all of them pats. "Want some pocky?" 

"Sure, mate." Philza catches the box thrown to him, and snaps one of the chocolate-covered biscuits between his teeth. "I just got some troubling news, Techno. But I want you to stay out of this one. I have reason to think it's a trap." 

Techno shrugs with a dry grin. "You really think I'd let myself be taken down by a trap? What's going on?" 

"It's Purpled, mate." 

"Oh." Technoblade clenches his claws into fists, his eyes darkening. "What makes you think I don't want revenge?" 

"I know you do, Techno." Philza says apologetically. "But it ain't safe. He's gotta be working with Schlatt, you know that. If Schlatt is making a move, that means he's got something up his sleeve he thinks can take care of you." He chomps another pocky. "Look, I'll take care of this one." 

Techno strides up to Philza and snatches him up by his coat. "I can't let you be captured, too." He growls. He can't let Philza be taken away, not again.

"I won't be. I'll get help." Philza smiles and presses his hand to Techno's bristly cheek. Techno pulls him into an embrace. "There, there, you big lug, I'll be fine." 

"What happened?" 

"Purpled kidnapped some of your students. Wilbur, Tommy, Charlie, and Ranboo. Eret helped him. I just got the ransom note." 

Technoblade drops Philza with a gruff snort and turns away. "I'm coming with." 

"No, you're not." Philza retorts. "It's a trap." 

"How can you be sure it's not a trap for you, too?? I can't- I can't let them take you, Philza, I can't." 

"If Schlatt wanted me, he'd have me. He's got President Skeppy in his pocket. You know that." 

"Take Sam." Techno growls. "If you refuse to take me with you, at least take Sam." 

"I already asked. He's not allowed to interfere." 

"He will be held accountable if you're harmed." 

"I'll be okay, mate." 

"You better be, Philza. Or I don't know what I'll do." Technoblade gives a dry, ragged laugh. That's a lie. He knows exactly what he'll do. 

Chapter 8 (Next)

[misterbitches]

Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas. 

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL. 

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t 

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers! 

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die. 

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts  more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more.  i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done) 

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom. 

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through. 

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao.  basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman.  anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord. 

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop. 

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t.  beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when  i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are. 

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of  bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid. 

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc. 

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me) 

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao 

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and  i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex) 

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

[brittle-bone-gabe]

Bitter Cold

Summary: Richie just wants to cuddle; Eddie is feeling especially playful.   Pairings: Adult Reddie (Richie x Eddie) Read on Ao3: Here 

Chicago wasn’t a stranger to heavy snow falls, in fact, it normally started snowing in the middle of November. Richie Tozier has spent many winters alone in Chicago in his apartment, but now it was his first winter with his boyfriend Eddie in their small house. Since Eddie moved in, there were blankets. Every. Fuckin’. Where. At least three blankets scattered around the living room, and a mountain of blankets in their bedroom. His excuse was that he got way too cold in the winter and the blankets were a necessity, also that apparently Chicago was a lot colder during the winter months than New York. Richie couldn’t help but roll his eyes whenever his boyfriend went on a rant about how the cold affects the human body negatively. Something something... weaker immune systems... something something... reduced blood flow. Who knows, Richie stopped listening when he couldn’t catch up with his fast speech patterns, especially since he had just woken up when he started his ramblings. 

Richie came home from the store, he had to shovel his driveway first before he was able to get out. It was almost 20 degrees outside, but Richie was only wearing his leather jacket, no gloves, no boots, but a thin hat that Eddie insisted he’d wear before leaving. Well, he would prefer if Richie actually dressed appropriately for the weather, but Richie claimed that: “it didn’t look cool,” which made Eddie want to smack him. “I mean, you can’t catch a cold from simply not bundling up, but when you get cold, your sinuses get dry and that makes bacteria hang on, making it easier for you to get sick,” Eddie had explained to his boyfriend as he was following him around the house as he was preparing to go to the store. In the end, Richie went out and Eddie stayed home since he didn’t want to get too cold, even though Richie offered to warm the car up for him. 

Without thinking, Richie entered the house without taking off his shoes, so he wandered into the kitchen with handfuls of plastic bags while tracking in a bunch of snow with him. To be fair, he was exhausted, not sleeping too well anymore and wasn’t thinking when he plopped the bags on the counter. He had no idea what was going on with him, but he was always exhausted during the day, like he could pass out wherever he was, but the moment he goes to bed with Eddie he was wide awake. When confiding in Eddie about this, he had suggested that it was just seasonal depression, it was normal and a lot of people had it this time of year when the weather was starting to change. No... no, no. He was Richie Trashmouth, he doesn’t get seasonal depression. It felt silly, but when Eddie mentioned that he also had seasonal depression it did make Richie feel a little better about it.

“You’re home!” Eddie said happily, walking into the kitchen. 

Richie gave him a small smile with a nod, suddenly feeling exhausted again. “I’m home,” he said. 

Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck, bringing him in for a hug. Richie hugged him tight, bringing him in close, closing his eyes as he could feel himself melting into Eddie. The small wave of sadness he had entering the house vanished once he heard Eddie. The hug? Completely turned his mood around. 

“You feelin’ okay?” Eddie asked once they pulled away from the hug, still holding on as they looked into each others eyes. 

“Sleepy,” Richie admitted. He smiled when Eddie reached up, pressing a slightly cold hand to his face. 

“This’ll pass, I promise.” He pecked his lips before moving around him He stopped dead in his tracks, a twisted look on his face. He let out a loud yelp, confusing the hell out of Richie. 

“What’s the mat-”

Eddie looked down at the floor then to Richie’s feet, seeing he was still wearing his snow covered shoes. “You fucker!” He shouted, “my socks are wet!” 

Richie was confused still for a moment, but then a huge smile was plastered on his face before letting out a laugh. Eddie had stepped in melted snow. That. Was. Priceless. He pressed two fingers to his lips, watching and listening Eddie rant about how he fuckin’ hated having wet socks, that it was worse than death, in fact, he would rather fuckin’ die than have wet goddamn socks. 

“Babe, you good?” Richie couldn’t help but ask, laughing even harder when Eddie threw him a death glare. 

Eddie flipped him off with both hands. “I hate you. I hate you so fuckin’ much, you absolute douche bag.”

“Oh, I think you just gave me some new material,” Richie said half-jokingly as he pulled out his phone, writing something down in the Notes App.  

“I will fucking blast you on Twitter if you use this in your stupid shows, I swear to god!” 

“Oooh noooo,” Richie started sarcastically, holding either side of his face, “blast me on Twiiiiter? Where eeeeverybody knooows you’re my boyfriend?! Pleaaase, don’t do thaaat.” Eddie reached down, pulling off his socks before throwing them at his boyfriend, who yelped loudly, moving back so the dirty, wet socks wouldn’t touch him. “Why are you like this?!” 

“Why am I like this?! Why did you track snow through the house!” 

Richie slumped where he was standing, trying to get back on Eddie’s good side. “Because I’m tiiiiiired,” he said dramatically, “we should cuddle on the couch with your overbearing amount of blankets.” 

“Hey... they’re not overbearing. They’re needed.” Richie rolled his eyes. “They are! I have poor circulation!”

“Because you’re old?” 

“You’re older than me!”

“By a year! ...Are you joining me or not?” Richie asked, standing in the doorway to the living room, looking back at Eddie who had his arms folded across his chest. “C’mon, Edward.” 

Eddie tilted his head to the side, glaring at Richie, who had another smile on his face. He hated it whenever someone called him Edward. It reminded him of when his mom would call him that when she was especially angry with him. It was rare when she would call him that, but once, when he was 14 he sneaked out of the house in the middle of the night to meet up with the Losers, where they drank all night, the majority of them got drunk for the first time that night. When he loudly tried sneaking back into the house he got caught by his mother, being called Edward when his mother smelled the cheap alcohol on him that Beverly Marsh had managed to sneak out of her dad’s dresser drawer. He was grounded for almost a month with little contact with the outside world besides going to school. However, when Richie called him that in a playful way he didn’t mind too much, in fact, he thought it was kinda funny. 

“What did you call me?” 

“Ed...” he trailed off, trying to read his boyfriends face, “...Edward.” As soon as the word left his mouth, he had to sprint out of the kitchen as Eddie began to chase after him. 

Richie plopped on the couch, laying across it as he grabbed one of the blankets, covering himself with it. Eddie moved on the other side of the couch, laying down so his legs were laying across Richie. This reminded them of the time when they fought over the hammock. The time. They always fought over that damn hammock, and every time one or the other would climb in it, trying to force the other out of it. Eddie always would lightly kick Richie in the face when it was his turn to try to knock him out of it, making sure that his glasses fell off each time. 

“Why don’t you just say you want to cuddle me, Eds,” 13-year-old Richie had mocked Eddie when the smaller boy was trying to force himself in the hammock while Richie was trying to read a comic book. 

Eddie’s face had turned red, backing off quickly. “I don’t want that, dipshit,” he defended himself, folding his arms across his chest, “just move. It’s my turn.” 

“I just got here!”

Eddie rolled his eyes, looking at the watch on his wrist. “You’ve been using it for almost twenty minutes!” 

“Boo-hoo! Nobody else is here to back you up! Time is fake.” He straightened out his comic book dramatically, readjusting his glasses, preparing to pretend to ignore Eddie who looked grumpy. 

Eddie grabbed Richie’s comic, throwing it over his shoulder as he tried grabbing his arms so he could pull him off. They started slapping each others hands away. In the scuffle, they ended up accidentally holding hands. They looked away, faces red, but not letting go of their hands. Eddie had backed off first, grabbing the comic that he threw, holding it out to Richie who took it. 

“Just...” Richie started, his face still red, “I’ll... read it to you if you want... We can share the hammock.” 

Eddie’s head jerked up, looking at Richie trying to see if there was any indication that he was messing with him. “Really?” Richie nodded, scooting over a little so Eddie could squeeze in next to him. 

He was hesitant, but climbed in next to the taller boy, scooting in next to him so he could see the comic that he was holding up. Long story short; Eddie ended up falling asleep while Richie was reading to him, not long after that did he manage to fall asleep too. 

“Stop kicking me!” Richie yelled from under the blanket that was still covering his face.

“Don’t call me Edward!” 

“I’m sorry, Eduardo. ...OW!” Richie yelped when Eddie managed to kick his glasses off his face, getting lost in the blanket. 

“Fuck off!” Eddie grabbed the other end of the blanket, pulling it up over his chest. “This is as close to cuddling as you’re gonna get, asshole.” He had folded his arms underneath the blanket. 

Richie raised his eyebrows, tilting his head to the side with a shrug. “I’m still under a blanket with you, so... win-win?” Eddie’s face turned a bright shade of red. “Have I mentioned how-” Richie stopped mid-sentence when Eddie stuck his feet underneath his shirt, his cold feet pressing on his chest. “STOP! STOP! YOUR FEET ARE COLD!” Richie shouted, squirming where he was laying. 

“Oh... I wonder why, Richard.” 

“Stop, stop, stop!” Eddie moved his feet, “I get the point!” They looked at each other for a moment, staring each other down, waiting for someone to do something fucking stupid. “Just a fair warning, Kaspbrak, if you do that again I will fuckin’ tickle your feet.” 

“I will leave your unfunny ass.” 

“Yeah, I’m so unfunny, right? That’s the reason you ask me to make you laugh to cheer you up? Because I’m... so unfunny?” Eddie dove for under his shirt again, pressing his freezing cold feet on his stomach. “Quit touching me! Your feet are cold!” He grabbed Eddie’s ankles, reaching under the blanket having no mercy when tickling him. 

“St-stop!” Eddie said in between laughs, squirming and kicking to get free. “I’m sorry! I’ll stop! I’ll stop!” 

“No you won’t! You say that just to get my guard down!” 

“Richie! Richie! I’m gonna have an asthma attack! Stop!” 

He let go of Eddie, going underneath the blanket, crawling up until he was in between Eddie’s legs. Both of their faces turned extremely red as Richie was holding himself up by his palms that were placed on either side of Eddie’s head. They stared into each others eyes for a moment, until Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck, bringing him down until their lips met. In the heat of the moment both men took the time to help each other take their shirts off, throwing it across the room as they continued to make out on the couch. Richie had his hands on Eddie’s shoulders, holding him tight against him the best he could. The cold air that managed to slip its way into the house made both men shiver, but their body heat was keeping them from freezing. 

Richie had pulled away, leaning down, nipping Eddie’s neck and shoulder, smiling as the man underneath him started squirming. He absolutely loved when Richie did that. It was rare when he did, but by god he felt like he was over the moon.

Richie pulled away, looking into Eddie’s brown eyes, seeing how needy he was getting. 

“Okay, I’m gonna take a nap,” Richie said suddenly, confusing Eddie. 

“You- wh-... what?” Eddie stammered as Richie let out a yawn, obviously trying to hide a smile. “You are such a fuckin’ prick!” 

“Night night, Eds.” Richie plopped down on Eddie, who let out an oof at the sudden weight on him. “I did tell you to get your cold feet off me,” he pointed out, eyes closed but that same goofy smile on his face as his ear was pressed against Eddie’s chest. He reached up, tracing the stupid tattoo he had gotten when they were drunk one night in Vegas that was plaster on the center of his chest. 

Eddie readjusted so he was more comfortable laying on the couch, one hand on Richie’s bare back, his other hand stroking his hair. “I hate you,” he said lovingly. 

“I hate you too, Eds.” 

Since they were both suffering from seasonal depression, cuddling like this was nice. They both needed it. Another thing; normally Eddie was the little spoon, having it switched up actually felt great. He wanted to make Richie feel good, especially since he hasn’t been feeling his best lately and wanted to help. He kept planting small kisses across Richie’s forehead until he knew he finally fell asleep. Eddie grabbed another blanket that was on the floor in front of the couch, wrapping it around them before falling asleep himself. 

[ryncorrect]

university!au: day6 young k

hello this is my first attempt of writing scenario or imagine or whatever you want to call it bshsnsnsbd and yes it should be young k bc i love him so much

actually i wasn’t sure if i should do college or university but because here in my country we don’t really have colleges (i think???) idk how they work so i’ll just go with university lol i hope this isn’t too bad ok lezgedit

WARNING: THIS IS LONGER THAN I WANTED IT TO BE IM SORRY SHSJDNDJDB

name: kang younghyun

major: business administration

other activities: bassist and vocalist of university band, part of faculty’s basketball team, vice president of music club, member of creative writing club

let’s be real kang younghyun will definitely be that Popular Student™ even though he’s not trying to be one

it’s just that he’s been and always will be a social butterfly

he can be easily found everywhere

sport events? he’s in

festivals? he’s performing with the band

speech competitions? count him in

seminars and all those stuffs? there he is

he enjoys being actively involved in a lot of things and everyone loves his enthusiasm

also he’s hot so there’s that

trust me he’s the embodiment of attractiveness i mean h a v e you seen him—

and despite of all his activities, he still manages to get decent good grades

of course there are days when he’s so exhausted from all the work it seems like he’s gonna pass out anytime but even then he still looks like he just showered under the fountain of youth

how is this possible

ngl half of the students have crush on him

the other half either haven’t realized it yet or just in denial

you’re the in denial part

i’m lame as fuck

you’ve heard a lot about this younghyun guy and you’ve even watched him performing once last summer

but,,,,,,, what’s the big deal

yes you admit he’s kinda cute

and kinda hot as well

too hot holy frick those thighs—

he sings well

also smart and hardworking

he’s fluent in english because he attended high school in canada

it must be nice being his friend ugh

but you’re too shy to approach him and you don’t think it’ll be worth the effort anyway

most of popular boys are so full of themselves and younghyun is probably no different, so you leave it as that

gotta save yourself the heartbreak oops bye

anyway whatever major you’re in, the first time you actually meet younghyun is in the writing club

there’s nothing wrong with being both a business major and a member of creative writing club, really

but honestly you don’t know why younghyun joined when all he does is literally nothing

he doesn’t show a lot of interest in shakespeare or stephen king or anything

he doesn’t even seem to like reading either

he’s just kinda

be there

everyone welcomes him anyway so whatever

and after some time you see that he’s actually really friendly and kind

needs help to translate anything from or to english? he’s always ready

wants to discuss some business issues and marketing strategies for your paper? he’s all ears

sometimes he cracks a joke at serious time which makes everyone laughs in the middle of book discussion

dork

you laugh along anyway although his jokes are somewhat lame

just like this au

oh right have i mentioned his voice

that deep, smooth, sexy voice? yeah

no you don’t like him no you don’t no you—

however you and him barely interact because you’re not really good at chit-chat or small talks

if you’re an extrovert who likes chit chat then sorry my bad

the conversation you two usually have is like

“hey what’s up” “how was your day?” “the weather is nice today” “did you have lunch yet?” “see ya”

until one day you accidentally get a look of his notebook (in your defense, he kinda dozes off so you just want to check if he’s actually sleeping and the notebook just happened to be there, opened)

he’s?? writing a poem?????

“uhm no, it’s lyrics from my song…”

hE??? WRITES HIS OWN SONG????? AND IT LOOKS LIKE A LEGIT POEM?????

you’re amazed

yes we’re that easy

“is that why you joined this club? to help you writing lyrics?”

he nods and smiles sheepishly

soul: sold

uwu: spilled

so yeah from there you two start to talk a lot more

surprisingly you two have similar taste of music thanks god

he tells you that he’s into composing these days and he wants to perform his own songs in front of people one day

you recommend some books that you hope can help

he admits that he never finishes any books you lend him because he ends up falling asleep but okay we know boi is busy af

you and him spend time together outside the club either watching movies, books or CDs hunting, or just hanging out for coffee

sometimes you ask him to sing you a song because whenever he plays guitar he’s like all focused and his fingers move so prettily and honestly we you will Die™ for his singing voice okay he’s really that good if you disagree you’re an alien

he says you have to pay for it

don’t worry he knows we university students are broke he just wants jjajangmyeon

he eats five portions of it and has stomachache later what a loser

you cry hard watching sad movies and are embarrassed, also your face is swollen oml

“it’s okay, you still look cute”

you outside: shut up younghyun

you inside: SJNSHNAHDNSKNAYD

him calling you cute whenever there’s a chance and you dying

HIS. FUCKIN. SMILE. DAMMIT MY HEART

him spamming you selcas he takes in class secretly, in the bathroom (im not talking about dick pics dw), and in the band practice room

“my phone lags younghyun pls stop”

*he sends 27 more*

“okay who’s that behind you?”

“huh? it’s jae”

“wow he’s,,,, really cute. say hello to him for me”

he ignores your reply and resends the selca after he cuts jae off it

“how about now? does he look cute?”

...really younghyun

at this point no one ever says “just date already” because everyone thinks you two already are

but you aren’t dating

just being younghyun’s friend is enough for you

really

or perhaps it isn’t but apparently tumblr has 100 blocks limit on phone so i can’t write more than this ahsjsnhansjsnnsh

oooookay that’s all I have im sorry for the shitty content i just love day6 and i barely find anything about them here so i just,,,, want to contribute,,,,,, excuse my mistakes and grammar errors as im still learning english lol and if you happen to read this until here,,, kindly leave me some words maybe? oK BYExzcx

[johnny2071]

Top 10 Worst of Sue Murphy *STRONG CRITICISM*

F is for Family is a very divisive show that has garnered a lot of attention on the internet, whether its the bitter and crass nature of the show itself, the dysfunctionality of the Murphy family, or the jarring one-liners and temper of the main character, that only a stand-up comedian like Bill Burr can provide. However, while this show gets nothing but an obscene amount of praise, especially over its outspoken protagonist, not much is said regarding the main female of the house who invokes a lot of emotional drama: Sue Murphy, who quite honestly is far from pleasant and approachable. We all have stress in our lives. However, Sue's methods of handling them, along with sheer amount of obsession, neglect, hostility, and miscommunication with just the people in her house, is enough to keep anyone awake for weeks, especially with a show written as real as this. This is a top 10 list of Sue's worst moments in each episode throughout the first three seasons up to this point (with some exceptions). Before anyone in this rabid "show-can-do-no-wrong" subreddit/fanbase bites my head off or "puts me through da fuckin' wall", it's important to read this quote from a popular YouTuber: "Rather than insulting these people, maybe try to understand the perspective and say why you disagree. This kind of reaction to negativity and critique needs to stop. There is nothing wrong with negativity. Negativity, especially in criticism is a necessity. You cannot have positivity without negativity. Bother are in balance, and one without the other is unnatural. You cannot live your life without negativity or negative opinions towards something. It's completely natural. Not only that, but living in a world where everything is treated as if they have no flaws is misguided. That's not how things are. So when a product comes along, it should be scrutinized with negativity and positivity."

Unlike Watchmojo or any regular top ten video, I will not include full paragraph analysis for each bad Sue moment. This will be kept as brief as possible. Also, these aren't rankings for the episodes themselves (since other characters do horrible and questionable things). With that said, let's move on to this top 10 list.

10. This is Not Good - Out of these current 26 episodes, there have been some minor moments. But it's this episode that highlights Sue's neglect and sets the tone that erupts into a fierce conflict. 9. Punch Drunk - While Sue has major hostility towards Chet and Frank for not siding with her judgement, what really takes the cake is when she coldly blows off Maureen, who was only voicing a complaint about her father. 8. Paul Lynde to Block - Sue's mood in general over the summer heat, and Frank and Kevin's arguing. But the real kicker is her brief exchange with Bill over bug spray, shortly before she meets the new neighbors. 7. Landing the Plane - Sue's bitterness at the beginning of the episode, as well her treatment towards a random bystander while drunk from her sorrows of having her idea stolen. 6. F is for Fixing It - Sue's mood throughout the whole episode, as she puts pressure on Frank to resolve their marriage. 5. Bill Murphy's Day Off - Frank and Sue's first explosive argument, where they both say negative about Bill behind his back. 4. The Stinger - Sue's outburst in this episode is what provoked me to create this list. She kicks Bill out the house and sends Maureen to her room, just so she can have the whole living room to herself, only to threaten everyone she invited over (and even Maureen) to by her product. Selfish bitch! I wish I could just barge in there, call her out on her shit, and snatch and toss away that carton of ice cream she has the nerve to triumphantly eat. And I'll gladly take on any SJWs who object. 3. Pray Away - Sue was frosty throughout the entire episode (no peaceful moments there), but flips out when Frank sincerely expresses his source of anger. 2. Fight Night - I'm not sure what things were like at the beginning, the things go SOUTH between Frank and Sue the minute they're called into the Maureen's classroom. 1. A Girl Named Sue - Do I even need to explain why this is number one. It's that one scene alone, and I do not want to recount it. Dishonorable Mentions: -The Bleedin in Sweden - When the new television is broken, Sue intentionally guilts the children over Frank's outburst in the store. After Kevin takes the fall, she zeroes in on Bill and scolds him for it when he comes clean. Even though Frank is kind to him at the end, Sue says NOTHING. -Saturday, Bloody Saturday - At the beginning, Sue scolds Kevin for his bad grades, and stops a fight between Bill and Maureen, by threatening to go insane. -The Trough - While Kevin rightfully gets called out for not doing his homework and keeping his promise, it doesn't paint Sue in a positive light. However, Sue shows her scary side once again (exclaiming that she wished she was never married), when she runs into Ginny, who eats all her time in the rest of the day she was going to spend with Maureen (who was dragged along with her). Whether Sue actually had Maureen in mind or just brought her along as a prop to quell her own insecurities is debatable. This also the matter that Sue almost  returns home in rage to chew out Frank (after Maureen mention that he has exclaimed that same thing before). -F is for Halloween - Sue's silently storms off when she finds out about the message Sue left. This is not in the top 10, because she's gone throughout the rest of the episode until the end. -O Holy Moly Night - Sue's hostility in this episode is subdued, but still prominent at the beginning. Directly after the fire incident, all Sue can do is just sit at the table and glare at Bill, while Frank chews him out. When Bill mention's that he knows about their bedroom argument, he catches their attention for a brief second, but when Maureen mentions that Major is missing, and they go right back to giving Bill hostility. The drama that scarred Bill and led to the fire in the first place, is never elaborated on past that, and Bill is made an altar boy off-screen by Frank and/or Sue. Other than that Sue simply prepares for the holiday season, up until the Fitzsimmons' call out the entire family and Sue sends them running with a bat and drops her first f-strike. -Heavy Sledding - While Sue is relatively tame throughout the whole episode, the biggest upset is when she screams at a 9-year old who called her family loser, and then throws her cigarette in his face. The fact that she even smokes at this point, strongly implies that this is a very unpleasant woman. -S4E10? - Considering what this show is how it does not deviate from the worst possible scenarios, Sue going in labor will go as well as you would expect it to, and it wouldn't be like any labor scenario that's ever happened in pop culture (and real-life).

----------BONUS DISCUSSION----------

Less Volatile Behavior (a.k.a. the remaining episodes): -The Liar's Club - Didn't watch -Night Shift - Sue's only disdain was over lettuce, before getting wrapped up with her first invention brainstorm -Breaking Bill - Sue had a bad day at work, only to see Frank arguing with Kevin in public. Other than that, she didn't do anything else. -Are You Ready For Summer? - Didn't watch. Sounded like an already involved episode as it is. Apparently, she "wasn't any better than Frank" at the parade. -Frank the Father - Sue gone for most of the day, rooting for Maureen at the Hobo Jojo Show, and expresses disappointment and disgust when she sees Frank and Kevin arguing as she returns home. She then mutters under her breath whether or not its her fault or the family. Needless to say, it's her. -It's In His Blood - Sue is distraught over losing the recently build baby room due to not having a permit. She also pays zero attention to Kevin when he actually tries to get advice from them over a serious matter. The rest of her activity consist of trying to get Nguyen-Nguyen to seek help and Frank's anger over Chet. -Mr. Murphy's Wild Ride - Now this one is quite mixed. Sue actually wishes Kevin a happy birthday, but this is likely due to her being gung-ho that receive "positive feedback" over the Forkoontula. One could argue that she defended Bill, when Marie accuses him of being a liar, when he takes the blame for Phillip pushing Anthony (only for Phillip to admit it anyway). However, she probably used this as a segway to call Marie out on her lie, when she finds out she threw her invention away in the garbage can. To Sue's credit, she does realize how harmful her invention is and gives one of the rarest and sincerest apologies that she/Laura Dern can deliver (a total 180 from the previous episode and earlier, excluding the part where Maureen isn't taken into account, but leagues better than the one she co-gives to Bill when he calls both his parents out). However, this scene shows us just how bad Sue's listening skills are, as she misinterprets two things. First, she thinks that her friends were only fearful towards her invention and not herself and the way she acted. Second, she thinks they actually like her invention, despite the "few flaws". -Summer Vacation - After Frank drives away both Sue's parents and their children, they almost have another argument. Fortunately indigestion kicks in, and they have a good laugh together. -Battle of the Sexes - Sue seems to express no real hostility, but not much sincerity. -Bill Murphy's Night Off - Sue spend the bulk of the episode searching for Bill while worried sick, finally learns how neglectful both her and Frank are as parents, and decides that being parents is their most important priority. We can only hope and pray that they (especially Sue) actually follow through with that promise (the right way), and not just scream at and punish them more, while "being their parents". ----------CONCLUSION----------

Sue has bad bipolar disorder, and needs serious psychological help as well as anger management. The sad thing about all of this is that she's the only female in this series who any real depth and sense of morality and sensitivity, and its the beautiful ones (combined with over-the-top movie star voice acting) that get under our skin and tug the emotional appeal cord. But point being, no one can make a big dramatic stink like Sue, and may god help the innocent party around her (as oppose to those who screw her over in the first place). At this point, in order to redeem her character just somewhat, the whole family need to bring enough up to speed and discuss/clarify all the miscommunications that happen during their neglect this third season alone. And yes, a plot-focused clip show (A CLIP SHOW)/recap episode would be gladly welcomed here. Sure some people would whine about them re-showing clips from previous episodes, but people in this particular fanbase binge each season in repeat anyway. Oh, and being pregnant doesn't give you the right to snap at others, especially over seemingly minor infractions. Sometimes I wonder if Sue is in Philip's kill book (the one character who has hidden unstable malice, regardless of age and gender). 

[my-drowning-in-time]

11 Questions

S/o & big thanks to the kick-ass @lesserknownhero for tagging me! Here are my responses xx

1. Share one piece of media (book, song, movie, etc.) that describes you/could help someone understand you better?

Hmm, that’s difficult to narrow it down to just one bc I see bits and pieces of myself in different forms of media every single day. One of my favourites is Chihuly: 365 Days by Dale Chihuly. It is a photo survey of his sculpture career with quotations from and about his life, the process, little ways to stay motivated, and where he draws inspiration from. I’ve got tons of his quotes scribbled down in numerous notebooks and sketchbooks from my time in undergrad. I really connected with them and the majority of inspirational quotes/blurbs in my senior thesis sketchbook were his. Not to mention that his installations are fuckin’ brilliant. Deffo 10/10 would recommend!

2. Best thing you’ve consumed (ate, heard, read, etc) so far in 2018?

I just got off the phone today with my supervisor and I thought she was calling for one thing but then she pulled a wild card on me and it was something totally different. It’s still pretty hush hush bc details still have to be finalized and ironed out but it’s A+++ in my books. And I can’t wait to share the news once I get the go-ahead! I’m so fuckin’ giddy, I can’t stop smiling!

3.  Worst thing you ever tasted?

Olives. Get that shit outta here ASAP. I don’t fuck with those bastards.

4.  Can you do a cartwheel?

Hell yeah! Ya girl can do a round off too!

5.  One thing that makes you smile consistently?

Easy peasy, my dorky-ass friends. Whether they’re BatE, ArtFam, Cos before Hoes (or in this case we’re both), or anyone else in between, I love looking back on silly pictures and ridiculous videos that we made for a good laugh. It helps with the distance esp. when they are hours, states, and even fuckin’ oceans away. Damn, I love those losers.

6.  Any bad habits?

Homegirl. How much time do you have? Bc I could do this all day. Bites nails, procrastinates until the LAST FUCKIN’ MINUTE, slurps tea, mumbles under my breath when I don’t feel like giving a legit answer to something, too loud but also too quiet, leaves socks on the floor, slouching, not washing out my water bottle enough ...the list goes on

7.  If you could inhabit any make believe world which would it be? What character would you play?

Any and every Marvel Universe with Kate Bishop in it. Katie-Kate is goals. Also, who wouldn’t want to be kickin’ it in Bed-Stuy with Hawkguy & Pizza dog or kickin’ ass with the YA?

8.  Do you have any goals you’re working towards?

Currently, I’m working on building up my portfolio for applying to grad school. It’s a slow process so far but it’s a process none the less. I’m also working on getting into a few more art shows. I was part of a group show in Dec. and I’ve got a solo show in Buffalo coming up in the next couple of months. So big things are happening!

9.  Morning Glory or Night Owl?

Night owl, most definitely. But I am able to get up in the morning w/o any fuss. I just prefer the night.

10.  Would you rather be able to fly or breathe under water?

Breathe under water!!! How cool would that be?! Do you know how much easier it would make maritime archaeology? For the longest time while growing up, I wanted to be an archaeologist. FUCK I still want to be an archaeologist!

11.  Favorite meal?

Omelettes. You can put anything in those fuckers. Literally ANYTHING. My fav is onions, spinach, peppers, mushrooms, sausage and a little bit of shredded cheese.

I’m tagging @timetosavetheuniverse @onlinedragon @sin00kas @sappphiree @stardustheartbeats @sutherlins @spookybreen && anyone else who is interested! xx

Here are my 11 questions:

What is one article of clothing/outfit combo that makes you feel powerful?

Top three fears?

Do you have any recipes memorized?

Can you speak more than one language?

What song gets you hyped up 0-100 real fast?

Bunk beds: yay or nay?

What did you want to be when you grew up?

Tea, coffee, or hot cocoa?

Which movie do you know all the words to?

Least favourite meme?

What is one bit of advice you’d like to pass on to someone?

[knightbrienne]

Hey, I think the question should rather be if racism is free speech. Free speech is the right to have an opinion, so is racism an opinion? If I tell you that I'm better than you cuz you're white and I'm not, would you consider that an opinion? You call it damaging rhetoric. Can opinions be damaging? If your father thinks that white supremacists shouldn't be stuck under one label, why should people of colour? Isn't that saying that they have more rights cuz they're white? (1/2)

I’m sorry to say this so bluntly but if your father gets in such a bad argument with you that you cry cuz you simply disagree with him he’s a fuckin abusive asshole. You did nothing wrong. It’s incredible that you don’t just blindly accept what he says. There so many people whose entire opinions are based on ‘same’. It’s okay if you need time to figure yours out and you can always change it. I’m not white and not neutral even though I tried to be to not influence you (2/2)

I want to start off by thanking you, anon, for sending a thoughtful response to a very charged topic. And I want to try my best to answer the ethical and political dilemmas that you have brought up.

I think anything can be free speech, including and especially opinion. For example, you can make a nonspecific (and possibly hyperbolic) statement about wanting to kill the president, and while it is damaging/hateful/treasonous, you cannot be punished for it. So in the same vein, racism exists under the umbrella of free speech. I believe that racism damages the safety of minorities, is fueled by hatred and ignorance, and violates American values, but racists are ultimately protected by the law when it comes to saying racist things. It doesn’t mean that racists are right. In fact, every inch of me believes that racism is wrong. But it is defensible with regards to free speech.

I also think I oversimplified my argument with my dad, who I was not intending to portray as abusive in any way. My family is a minority and immigrant family, and while my dad suffers from implicit racial biases like all of us do, he does not harbor any supremacist ideologies. Like me, he views the vast majority of white supremacists as disadvantaged white people who want a scapegoat for their own suffering. Like me, he sees them as spineless losers who lack any meaningful skills. Like me, he condemned the domestic terrorist who drove a car into a protesting crowd in Charlottesville. 

I personally got upset because I had trouble understanding how he could even defend people that could have stepped foot on my college campus and threatened my life and my friends’ lives. He was taking an infuriatingly impartial view and mentioned that if I wanted to limit the free speech of white supremacists, then I was no better than them politically. If I supported employers firing white supremacists, then I might as well have supported Hollywood firing communists during the Cold War. To summarize our point of conflict, my dad believes that citizens should keep their political, professional, and personal lives separate; what people say or do in the political sphere shouldn’t affect their livelihoods or their families. But for me, I spend nearly every day of my life on a college campus or in a scientific laboratory; both of these places feel personal and professional, and both of these places openly discuss politics. I think our political, professional, and personal lives are inevitably intertwined. I agree with this xkcd comic; my dad disagrees with it.

Last night, I also messaged a liberal friend of mine about this issue, and we both agreed that protecting the right to free speech is a cornerstone of democracy. She made an excellent point:

Leftist does not mean open-minded, and regardless of what side you’re on, there’s people everywhere who are intolerant of diversity in thought.

Intolerance toward anyone is still intolerance. Whether it’s not tolerating white supremacists, not tolerating communists, or not tolerating moderates, it is intolerance. People are entitled to their political ideologies and opinions, and we have to give them that right. But when we do want to change their worldview, when we want to show them that they are wrong and we are right, what do we do? I asked her:

How do you change somebody who refuses to humanize an entire race?

Do we ignore them? (My original post asked myself, at what point does simply ignoring them turn from being democratic / universally kind to being apathetic / enabling.)  Do we educate them? (How do you force somebody else to learn history that they deny and to befriend the people that they hate?) Do we continue to counter-protest? (What if counter-protesting simply increases their media audience and encourages more people to become radicalized?) Her reply:

I have no idea what solution would be, but I’m just getting increasingly frustrated with how we view what’s happening in our country and how people throw blame around everywhere. I’m so thankful that we live in a time/place where we can express our opinions and thoughts freely and without persecution, but I feel like when so much of this takes place over social media, it’s so hard to send a unified message in any way. It just ends up being people being grouped together as Neo-Nazis or social justice warriors or Antifa radicals, and it really doesn’t help.

I’ve learned from my dad and my friends that it is worth the time to question what we think we know. When we exist in an echo chamber where posts about violence against white supremacists are receiving thousands of notes, how do we expect them to change their views? If we’re shouting at them while they’re shouting at us, who will choose to be the first to listen? We all need to step back, reevaluate, and envision a future for ourselves and the people we despise. Like it or not, those white supremacists will stay around. But we know stories of white supremacists who have changed, who have come to understand our side, so what’s to say there can’t be others? Like you said, anon:

There so many people whose entire opinions are based on ‘same’. It’s okay if you need time to figure yours out and you can always change it.

We can pose difficult, conflicting questions to ourselves without compromising our values. We can’t continue to answer with “obviously,” “of course,” and “absolutely.” In fact, we must pose difficult, conflicting questions if we seek a society where peaceful and productive discourse can shape our future.

[jstevens1015]

WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER

Hey! Alright so one of the main reasons I decided to start writing on Tumblr at least semi-regularly was to translate some of the thoughts in my crazy and sporadic mind to a concrete format. Sometimes the thoughts build up so much and I never express them, whether verbally or written, so it can become overwhelming. While I am an English major with a Bachelor’s degree, I still find myself struggling to formulate thoughts and reasoning that make sense to anyone but myself and I am even worse about committing these thoughts to memory or paper so I am going to use this as not only a writing tool but hopefully as a self-improvement tool as well.

With that being said, I’d like to take this opportunity to express some feelings that I’ve been having lately about one of my favorite passions: video games. YO THEY ARE SUPER GREAT. But maybe also super awful at times.

I’ve had a love affair with video games since I was maybe around four or five years old. My dad was a big video game fan when he was my age and carried on this passion throughout early and middle adulthood. He lived through the Atari era so he was basically on the fuckin’ landing grounds of the creation of my favorite past time. I remember him telling me how great games like Pong and Pac-Man were and how he couldn’t believe how far they advance in terms of graphics and capabilities every time there is a new system release. 

The first gaming system I ever had was a Sega Genesis. I have some splendid memories of playing Sonic the Hedgehog, Mutant League Football, Streets of Rage 2 and many more games that I can’t possibly remember all at once. And since I was a young and dumb kid, I even got to experience some of the more obscure titles that most older folks wouldn’t have played at the time. These would especially include licensed movie titles like Power Rangers and Home Alone, among others. While games based on movies often get a bad reputation, I distinctly remember enjoying these two titles particularly because of my ever-growing love of the source material. The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie game was a side-scrolling beat ‘em up very similar to Streets of Rage 2 so that is likely why I enjoyed this title so much. And man was it a shit ton of fun playing Home Alone and setting traps for Harry and Marv to fall into.

Okay. Let’s get back on track. So my dad started my love for gaming by sharing his memories and experiences and by purchasing me a Sega Genesis. Blah blah blah. Flash forward to my teenage years. By this time, I was long past my 8 bit and 16 bit gaming days and was into 3D gaming systems that were far advanced from the good ‘ol Atari or Genesis days. I watched in amazement as my dad marveled again at “how good this shit looks” and forever possessing the “what will they do next” philosophy and mindset.

On a related note, I remember the day that we finally got high speed internet in my household. Although we lived in the country and were only able to obtain speeds of 1mbps, it was like luxury living for people who formerly lived with dial-up internet. The reason why this is worth mentioning is because this now opened up a whole new world for me: the world of online gaming. Boy, did I not have a clue how great and equally terrifying this would be for me. 

As I became older, I became at least slightly more skilled at playing games than when I was younger. However, I could not understand why the people who played games online against me in multiplayer modes were so much better. I struggled with this a lot and, admittedly, it’s a personal problem that I still have. I’m not sure if I have a competitive complex that I don’t like to reason with or if it’s something else but goddamn do I have some gaming-related anger and self-esteem issues. You would’ve likely heard me yelling in frustration in these angst-driven years, screaming phrases such as OH MY GOD THIS GUY HAS KILLED ME TEN TIMES IN A ROW AND I HAVEN’T EVEN LEFT MY RESPAWN AREA. WHY AM I SO BAD AT THIS? WHY IS HE CROUCHING UP AND DOWN ABOVE MY CHARACTER’S DEAD BODY?!?!

There is a point I’m going to make. God I’m bad at this. SEE THERE IT IS AGAIN. 

My parents, especially my dad, became very angry that I was angry over a video game. The hobby that he once loved so much had mostly become a thing of the past (besides occasional sports games) so he couldn’t possibly understand why a simple hobby was making me so angry. I tried reasoning with him, stating the idea that he was likely angry when he lost to the AI on his older games. He told me he never remembered getting angry because ���it was just a game” and “it’s just a computer” and that he never reacted in such a strong way.

Then, it clicked. 

The reason why I get so angry about playing games online is because I am personally interacting with real human beings and not just a computer, not just a form of artificial intelligence. A real, living, breathing, swearing, mother insulting person. And people. SO MANY PEOPLE ALL ONLINE AT ONCE. And these real people don’t give a single fuck about my feelings or how bad I am at the game. Their mission is to make their player beat or destroy or kill my player. It’s truly just a game and shouldn’t hold such a great weight on anyone’s mind but online gaming has a way of making it feel personal and I think that’s why it still has the ability to fill me with such a completely unjustifiable rage.

This brings us to present day. While I still play games online quite often, I feel that my experiences and feelings have changed. I am no longer a child or even a teenager. I am a twenty-five year old man with two part-time jobs, a fiancee, a cat, an apartment to clean and maintain and bills to pay. SO WHY THE HELL AM I STILL GETTING MAD OVER VIDEO GAMES? 

I think that we, as an obviously imperfect species of living biology, are always striving for better. I have clearly evolved and matured as person but there is still that part of me that wants to break shit and throw things when I lose. Maybe I’m just a sore loser. I probably am. BUT. There is so much shit wrong with this world, especially in 2017, that we tend to expect to gain happiness and success out of the hobbies, interests and activities that we spend our free time on while the rest of our time is spent working or sleeping. I’m not sure if this is true for everyone but I think it’s true for me. I think that everything in my life is so uncertain, so messy, so complicated and so challenging for me that I expect my hobbies to provide me an escape from reality and responsibility and send waves of happiness to my screwed up brain. 

Speaking of happiness, I want to mention one of the main reasons why I was prompted to write this very long post. Well, maybe not long by Tumblr standards but surely by my own!

I have recently been playing a game called Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds. It’s a PC game I’ve been playing with my friend Ben on Steam. The elevator pitch for this game is imagine you’ve been put into a Hunger Games style world where you are dropped on an island and must fight to the death with all the other inhabitants. It is simply amazing to realize that there are up to one hundred people in any given match of this game and it could be one hundred different people that you are fighting every time. One hundred different characters that represent one hundred real people, just like you and me. Except maybe not as nice. This game is super stressful, intimidating and difficult at times but HOLY SHIT it is fun. I can honestly say it is one of the best experiences I’ve ever had with a video game. The constant desire to finally get that win, or “chicken dinner” as the game refers to it, is the pure carnal force that is driving me to keep playing. I keep telling myself the frustration will pay off and I will eventually win.

Well, long story short, I have played countless matches of this game with Ben and I had never won a game of it until last night. We have made it into the top ten out of fifty teams on several occasions and have put over fifteen hours into this game so far but had never won up until this point. I won’t describe this play-by-play but here’s the general gist of it: my friend Ben died early in this match so I was left alone to proceed through the rest of the match. At first, I was completely unsure of how I could possibly proceed without him but then the number of players left in the game started sinking lower and lower until I was finally in the last ten remaining. And then eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. There were three players left, including myself. I had not landed many accurate shots in this match thus far and was almost sure that I would blow this. At last, I fired my virtual assault rifle and eliminated the last player. A screen popped up that said, “WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!” and gave me some match statistics. I was in a state of shock as Ben yelled in excitement and couldn’t believe it. After hours of trial and error, I had finally won. 

I know this post may sound completely trivial and unimportant to anyone but me. The truth is that video games mean a lot to me and being good at them means more than I wish it did. But I think that video games aren’t nearly as irrelevant or pointless as some people make them out to be. Personally, this was a learning experience for me that I needed to have long before adulthood. Sometimes, trial and error is the only method that leads to success. But if you don’t try in the first place, you can’t even reach the point of error. I worked past my fear of being bad at video games and the judgment that would follow by the other players and I accomplished a goal.

Simply put, I expect too much from video games. They have given me fun and happiness for years but how dare they not do this 100 percent of the time or else it will inevitably lead to me being pissed off and destructive.

So thank you, video games. You non-living, virtual, amazing, bullshit, absolutely wonderful creation.

[faithlovealyssa]

5 Year Recap: Love Remains the Same

Five years later and here we are making a full circle, back to where we started.If you would have asked me five years ago where my life would be at right now, I don’t know what I would have told you, but I know it wouldn’t have been anything close to what is actually going on right now.

Quick recap: when I started this blog, I was madly in love with my high school sweetheart, Jason. I ruined our relationship by showing interest in another person (which was honestly for the best because I have learned so much about myself since then). By the time I fully committed to Jason being my only choice, it was much too late. I broke his heart and when I tried to put the pieces back together, he wouldn’t let me anywhere near them.

After losing my mom in 2012, I decided to take some time off of going to college to figure out my priorities. I have regrets about making this choice, but shit happens and you don’t dwell... you put on your big girl pants and move the fuck on. After dating a total loser named James my senior year of high school, I broke up with him, and decided to focus on myself. For almost four years now, I’ve managed to stay single (excluding sex obviously [I said I needed to focus on myself not punish myself, judge me jeez]). This may not seem like a big deal... but four whole years single is a major accomplishment for me.

Anyways, after having a huge falling out with my dad in September 2015, I moved in with my aunt, uncle, and cousins. It was a bittersweet choice to move away from my dad, but I honestly think it’s the smartest decision I ever made to save the little bit of relationship we have left. Even though I moved 30 minutes further from my job, I continued to work at the Tilted Kilt in Joliet. I met some of the best friends I ever could have asked for there. I also met a guy there, Bobby. The moment I laid eyes on this guy I knew he was 100% my type (a complete fuck boy that loves to play games). After getting to know him better, I boldly *girl power* gave him my phone number without him even asking (who the fuck am I and what have I done with myself? LIKE FOR REAL, GO ME!!) The more time I spent with Bobby, the more infatuated I became with him. I thought about him all the time and got so comfortable with him so quick, I almost didn’t know how to act. He was the total package, fine as fuck (and I mean FINE like for real GOD DAMN), tatted (tatted), funny, older, interested in the same things as me, a cop (can you say sexy?!), and only lived 20 minutes from me (can you say convenient??). He was all around perfect, EXCEPT he was missing one key trait... he didn’t even for one millisecond give a flying fuck about me at all. He loved being with me, and taking me places and showing me off, and you guessed it.. he LOVED fucking me, but not once did he ever look at me and make me feel like all the time I had been investing wasn’t going to waste. And the reason behind that is because it was. Once I finally took off the blinders and popped the stupid bubble I was walking around in, I came to my senses and ended things. I won’t lie, it was hard.. fuck it was really hard. But it was the right thing to do and I know I am better because of it. 

In June of 2016 I moved into my very first apartment, paid for completely by me. (I am currently patting myself on the back for this one) I have one roommate, Katelyn, who at times [always] made living with her very difficult. BUT in May of 2017 I will be moving with my bestfriend Lily (oh beeteedubs forgot to mention I got myself a dog in December of 2016) to CHICAGO!!! I am more than excited for a fresh start and also full of pride for being able to push myself to make my dreams come true.

With all of these changes that have taken place over the years, you would think that everything is different, and for the most part this is true, but one thing that’s still the same... FIVE. YEARS. LATER. - Jason.

You’ve heard time and time again that every time he comes home, we somehow (almost) always end up hooking up, then he leaves again and I’m heartbroken for the 8657876473684th time (lowkey this number probably isn’t too far off, I’ve had my heart broken by Jason more times than I thought possible). Well this Christmas was the LAST straw (do you believe me?). SO before he even came home we both decided to put all of our differences aside for the sake of our sanity at social events (we still have all the same friends) and just because it was the mature thing to do. After we worked out the kinks, I was thrilled, this was the first time since EVER that we actually had a stable foundation for a friendship to actually form. When he first came home for Christmas break he met me and a bunch of my friends out at the bars one night and would you believe it... It couldn’t have gone better. It was as if we had been friends for years. My friends were shocked (I mean obviously because they’ve heard about how we can barely even be in the same room without biting each other’s head off) they couldn’t believe how well the night had went and quite frankly, neither could I. But of course, all good things must come to an end. Not even a whole week later all of my friends got together on December 23rd to have an ugly Christmas sweater party. From the moment I walked in the door I thought I had the fucking plague or that the holiday mules were making me invisible because I swear it’s like I wasn’t even there. Hours later I get word that Jason’s doing “Jason” things per usual and is proclaiming he can “have Alyssa whenever he wants”. Well, I REALLLLLY hope he wasn’t planning on getting laid after that party because he could not have picked a worse day to kick a girl when she’s down. I mean come on, CHRISTMAS FUCKIN EVE, of all the days he had to pick Christmas fuckin’ Eve. I felt a piece of my heart crumble up and break off after that, because that, in my book, is what I consider a low fucking blow. After some *choice* words, I made myself abundantly clear that the last time I saw him was the very last time I ever wanted to see him and he heard me loud and clear.

The first month passed and I was so proud of myself for sticking to my guns and not forgiving Jason when [clearly] he didn’t deserve anymore forgiveness. I gotta admit tho, this one stung different than the other times. It really felt like he did this one to ensure I would really be hurting this time, that the pain would stick. Well fuck Jason, this pain stuck. About two months later, I was at his house visiting with his mom (for just a few minutes) and right as I was walking out the door there comes Jason (and no I wasn’t seeing things) walking down the stairs. I swear to God in my past life I must have been a terrible person because God just loves to punish me. When I saw his face, my heart dropped into my stomach and I was at a loss for words. So I quickly said hello and practically ran out the door. Two days later I got a “Jason” apology, genuine as all hell and late as fuck at night (drunk? probably *rolls eyes*). So what did I do? 

Option 1: Melted like putty in his hands and forgave him [ugh typical Alyssa]

Option 2: Accepted the apology but stuck to my word and continued to ask him to leave me alone [not. a. chance.]

Oh but I did follow through with option 2!! Five years is plenty of time to teach yourself some lessons, so I decided to try a different approach to a reoccurring issue and see if I could get some different results. Well guess what?! A few days after new and improved Alyssa decided to take over, Gabriella calls to tell me she has been waiting since NEW YEARS EVE to see me in person and tell me while Jason was drunk as fuck he basically poured his heart out about me to her.

CAN I JUST ASK IN WHAT LAND ANYBODY THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO KEEP INFORMATION THIS IMPORTANT FROM ME FOR TWO WHOLE MONTHS?!?! After a deep breath and a blunt, I realized it had already been five fuckin years what’s a couple more months? But almost immediately after this information was revealed to me, I was recanting every word I said to Jason and telling him I needed to talk to him face to face. He agreed and decided we would see each other when he came back from his deployment... in October (ok fine what’s eight more months when it’s already been five years?)

HA HA HA.. I said MOST things in my life changed, not that hell froze over and heaven gave me patience. I decided I couldn’t wait any more so I booked myself a flight to sunny California so we can settle this one way or another, once and for all.

I’ve spent the last three weeks thinking about what I can say to get him to open up and allow himself to be vulnerable around me, and for as well as I know him (which is sometimes better than he knows himself) I keep coming up short. I want to reiterate that I KNOW the cycle of hurting each other started with me hurting him. It started when I made him feel like he was not enough. But I also want to clarify that even though I may not have realized it at the time, I am fully aware now of just how much he loved me. That if he could give me his entire heart and half of somebody else’s, it still wouldn’t measure up. I need him to know that he is the only person I will ever be capable of giving 100% of myself to, because there is a part of me that I will never be able to get back because I gave it to him. He’s got to know that Jason is not “Jason” without Alyssa. And that no matter how often the world around us is changing, this love remains the same. 

[adambstingus]

‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Malcolm, Go Back To Your Home On Whore Island

The worst/best show on television is back and lucky for you, the worst/best recapper you know is back too. You’re welcome.

TBH I was heavily considering not recapping this show because I was thinking about living my life and stuff, but then I saw this shit show of a cast (and also how bad the Bachelor is) and I just knew in the dark pits of my soul that I couldn’t let this show go.

LET’S BEGIN NOW

First major change—they are in New Orleans now. Probably a good thing. They weren’t getting too much variety in the Dominican Republic. You can only play with monkeys so many times until you’re like “so, where are the buildings with electricity?”

Also, Terrence J is the new host. RIP to the best father figure most of the contestants ever had, Ryan Devlin.

Let’s review some of the dumb things we learned/that were said during introductions to everyone:

TYLER: “I told her that I was okay with her hooking up with another guy and I wasn’t!” Cool story, Hansel.

UCHE: “I’m with all these guys I’m not supposed to be with! Football players, rappers, all the cool guys.” That’s a weird way of saying you’re a fuckin’ loser.

KEYANA: “I want to be everywhere with my boyfriend. I want to wear a vile of his blood around my neck and drink from it from time to time. What.” (paraphrase)

JOE’S MOM: “My son brings home idiots, which is amazing because he sells pot for a living and it shocks me that Harvard grads aren’t lining up to date him.”

NICOLE: “I’m trapped in this hookup culture!!!” She acts like she’s been kidnapped in a third world country rather than being asked for dick pics.

KAREEM: “Where I’m from, don’t nobody ever touch a million dollars.” Yeah, they clearly don’t read books or attend basic English classes either.

MICHAEL: “I get like 25-50 DM’s from girls a day wanting to date me. None of them speak English though, so lo siento bitches, no dates for you.” Also, Mike, they are all probs like 14. Judging from the acne on your face, you probably are too.

FIRST CHALLENGE

Terrence J shows the girls something the boys find important and the girls have to raise their hands if it’s important to them too. Moderate Instagram fame has to be on this list.

First is football. Audrey raises her hand and she’s like “Why do I like football? Why do I not like football?! I love football!!!”

AUDREY DURING FOOTBALL GAMES: 


Football was Malcolm’s pick and he’s like “I love football because that’s the only reason my dad loves me” and the girls are all like “AW THAT’S SO SWEET!” Nothing moisturizes the kitty like deep-rooted familial issues, amirite.

Next is the piano, and Keyana is like “I like music!” while the rest of the girls apparently prefer silence? Her match is Ethan, the guy who looks like Rob Dyrdek if he ate Rob Dyrdek. He’s very excited to go on his first date ever and is just itching to call his mom and tell her all about it.

Turns out he’s a rapper. Fuck. There is always one “rapper” every season and they are almost always bordering on albino.

ETHAN: “E-Money gets the girls, but Ethan doesn’t.” How many of you are there?

REAL PICTURE OF ETHAN:

Next picture is some religious stuff and the girls are like “I only go down on my knees for one thing, and it ain’t our lord and savior.” Too bad—it was Clinton’s pick and he’s a fine-ass mother fucker. Jesus wept making that fine specimen and that should tell you something, since I’m a Jew.

Next picture is a condom and Jada is like “HEEEEEEEEEEY.”

JADA’S ROLE ON THIS SHOW:

Chad is the one that picked a condom and he’s like “yeah, I like sex, so what?” Chad reminds me of the guy you tell your sorority little to avoid at frat parties.

CHAD: “Look at me, I’m the Chad!” I’M SORRY, unless you are Tom Green yelling to Drew Barrymore from a boat, you are not the fuckin’ Chad!!! Wait, is his name Shad? THAT IS EVEN WORSE.

Anyways, all the couples are going on a date. Thrilling.

ON TO THE HOUSE

Of course it’s time for shots and more introductions.

ZOE: “Guys don’t like me, they just want to wear my thighs as earmuffs.” Oddly specific but ok.

JOE: “I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness and so far the only thing I have ever witnessed is me still being a virgin”

Joe’s going to be that castmate that I can’t tell is hot. He always looks like he is squinting into the sun but I would def let him in if he came knocking on my door wanting to sell a bible.

Keyana immediately tells Michael that she follows him on Instagram and he’s like “very cool, do you speak English?” Also, Keyana do you need to refill your shitty beer? Because you look fucking THIRSTY.

Ethan is already hating himself and saying that he’s going to sit in a corner all season and now I’m just upset. No one puts Ethan in a corner!

KEYANA: So you wear a shoe on each foot?


MIKE: Yeah


KEYANA: omg so do I. Let’s get married.

Uche and Chocolate Jesus (Clinton’s new nickname for the season—CJ) are def hitting it off.

CLINTON: “Girls tell me they love me on social media, but it’s like, I’m a person. Do you ever think there is more to life than being really, really ridiculously good looking?”

Malcolm and every girl in the house start flirting. So that’s that.

MALCOLM: “I have ladies every day of the week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…. The other days. You get it.”

He meets Diandra, who is wearing hoops so big that the Kardashian family is in awe. She’s like “if I start calling you Papi, I’m interested.” Good thing it sounds sexy in Spanish. If I started calling dudes “Daddy” they would immediately refer me to a therapist.

Keith and Alexis start bonding over lung disease and her possibly incestuous ways.

ALEXIS: So you have your cousins, and then your first cousins, and your cousins with teeth. They are all fair fucking game.

Apparently Alexis is trying to rid herself of the redneck stereotype but it’s hard to take her seriously when she’s downing Bud Light one second and chain smoking cigarettes the next.

Keith is like “you should stop smoking. How about every time you smoke I spank you?” Is this a Narcotics Anonymous-approved method of prevention? Also, Keith and Alexis look like the perfect Trump-voting couple.

KEITH: “How about every time you mention building the wall I smack my own ass, yeehaw.”

Theeeeennnn they start making out and talking about butt stuff, as one does 30 minutes after meeting someone. Off to the boom room they go to make more babies that Alexis’ cousin can possibly fuck.

Keith apparently rocks Alexis’ world and he’s like “yeah I have pretty good reviews on Yelp.” Which is a place for businesses so congrats, you’re an escort.

Michael and Keyana take the first shower makeout scene for me. She’s like “I’ve never met someone who asks me about myself” and it’s like, well how do you usually meet people? Does no one ask you, like, what your name is?

THE DATE


MTV has decided to get as close as possible to killing one of these cast members and takes them to a bar as their date. We’re really pushing these livers to the limit here.

Ethan is trying to make small talk with Keyana and she is acting like she would rather be lit on fire than be a kind of nice person to an overall really nice guy. He eventually is like “I get it, you like Michael.” And I swear to god she breathes a sigh of relief.

She says he “asked about her and he actually cared” and it’s like, really? It had nothing to do with the alcohol and fact that your hand was down his pants most of the time?

They are presented with booze and a jazz band comes in. They’re like “what are the odds you get shit faced and listen to jazz in New Orleans?!”

Audrey and Malcolm are hanging out and she’s like “you’re a player, I can tell” and he’s like “I’m 25 now! I’m serious now!” he says as he chugs alcohol on a reality show on national television.

He claims he isn’t a player anymore because a “female” cheated on him once and it hurt. Boo, sad story. Anyone who calls a girl a female is a hard no from me.

AUDREY: I hope he ends up being different then the guy I know he is and always has been.

BACK AT THE HOUSE


The house is debating who to put in the Truth Booth and Diandra is like “Malcolm looks like Trey Songz!” (which he does) and Nurys is like “YOU JUST WANNA FUCK HIM DON’T YOU?!” Okay there, I’m gonna need to you to pop a quick Xanax and take a lap for a second.

Nurys is like “I am a hugely aggressive girl for literally no reason and sometimes people don’t like me for that.” Hmm, wonder why.

TRUTH BOOTH

Ethan and Keyana go to the Truth Booth and Keyana is looking for the nearest knife to stick in her neck. She heard Mike has a neck fetish, so yeah.

Ethan and Keyana are like “we get it, we’re not compatible” and Keyana is thinking of getting it tattooed on her body. Let’s remember, they were voted in because they “both like music” which we all know, is a true stepping stone to a love connection.

Of course, they get a no match BUT that’s not the worst part of this whole thing. The WORST part is Keyana acting like a straight-up fucking bitch when they get a no match. I get it, you like Michael and you want to have his vanilla-ass babies so they can surf into the sunset and live a life full of missionary sex, HOWEVER you did not need to be like “YES, I’M PARTYING TONIGHT BECAUSE WE’RE NOT A MATCH!!!”

That’s not a paraphrase made by me, that’s a quote and frankly, it’s a fucked up one. And that’s coming from a fucked up person.

Ethan’s like “I’ve never seen someone so excited to get away from me” and I think every single person watching (aka me and 15 people who read this recap) were either a) about to cry for this actual nice guy or b) so fucking annoyed with Keyana for acting like she’s soooo much better than him. Anyone with a chest tattoo is not at the liberty to belittle people. That is a job strictly reserved for me. Now that we got that lecture out of the way…

OTHER STUFF

Ethan starts downing red wine and freestyle rapping. Aka me on any given night.

They start playing a game of sexy truth or dare, because they are original like that.

Malcolm and Diandre make out, Clinton and Uche make out, Michael licks Keyana, it’s all pretty generic.

Shad or Chad or whatever his fucking name is asks Alexis to kiss everyone in the house and she’s like okay and says “mama didn’t raise no bitch.” Incredible. I want that on a cross stitch. She proceeds to make out with everyone. Just like her mama intended.

KEITH: “She’s a little wild and idk if I trust her.” Really? This is the hard line for you? Not when she implied that she fucks her cousins?

Geles and Michael bond over the fact that they have large Hispanic families and it’s like, who is going to send me some tamales? Hit me up.

Nurys is getting pissed because DD (Diandre) is still talking to Malcolm when she likes him. She’s like “DD is obviously insecure!” and it’s like, hmmm okay sweetie.

Second shower makeout session goes to DD and Malcolm. Really? Now it’s just getting cliché. Isn’t there a closet you can take this to?

Of course, the moment DD goes to sleep Nurys is like DGAF and her and Malcolm start making out. DAMN. Okay. That’s how it’s gonna be. Then he hops back into bed with DD.

MALCOLM: I’m not a player. I promise I’m not a player.

Okay, Big Pun. Anyway, see you all next week.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-malcolm-go-back-to-your-home-on-whore-island/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/180768851792