Kudo is actually such a kind, soft-hearted guy that had to toughen up because he cared too much
He looked at AFO's rule, and even though he was weak, he had that glint in his eye that has been referred to as the "will of a hero" to oppose him. A hopeful glint shared with Midoriya, Bakugo, and Hawks
He even parallels Hawks when they talk about that particular look in their eye
From a glimmer in the eye, to which eye is shown, how much of the face, a similar angle of the face, and placement of text questioning the existence of that light,
He stormed to kill Yoichi with Bruce, but couldn't, once he saw the state Yoichi was in. Even knowing he was the enemy, he still reached out his hand and never let go, even when they were running
When Yoichi died, even though they'd only been together for two months, Kudo still cried and froze up.
This is a reaction from a man who repeatedly used lives as a stepping stone for his own goal.
Kudo said himself, that victory was life, and defeat was death. He had killed and seen his friends killed over and over, but still cries when it happens again. And to someone he only knew for two months, at that.
Kudo gathered allies under his cause, and they were loyal enough to die for him. Bruce cries (still smiling tho) facing AFO, tried protecting Kudo when he froze up at Yoichi's death, and we see all Kudo's comrades dead in the end. Maybe Bruce was suicidal when he went to face AFO, knowing he'd die, but most of his comrades (and Kudo) were already gone. Their cause was snuffed out, but the will persisted.
Kudo is a bit like Aizawa.
A bit crass and blunt, doesn't like beating around the bush, but he can clearly see what kind of person you are. He's not openly kind, but you know he cares so much, but has also lost too much once. He's seen his friend(s) die, and shouldn't it have been him in that spot? Shouldn't he have died instead, but was forced to continue living for that dead person's sake?
His speech about why we call Abilities "Quirks", recognizing people's intent over raw power is the real power. (Ch 369)
He's blunt and goes straight to the results rather than beat around the bush, but it doesn't mean his heart is frozen and he doesn't care about you. (Ch 408)
He cares so much, and that's why he has to do so much. (His whole Resistance thing, figuring out how Yoichi's Factor works to make sure Yoichi and his will can live on in some way)
He recognizes that Midoriya isn't driven by duty, but that he genuinely adores Quirks too much. (Ch 414) He could look at Midoriya, read that immediately, and even though he looked through his memories, Midoriya's character was his takeaway. Not that Midoriya is an idiot for letting himself be stepped on, or that this kid was bullied, but that Midoriya could see the goodness in others.
Like how Aizawa saw that Midoriya was relying on the reason [It can't be helped] whenever OFA broke his bones and told him he can't always break himself just because he could be fixed (Midoriya's recklessness that showed itself on the first day of school). He called out something that was an underlying, innate belief to Midoriya, that was so normal to the teen, and no one else had brought up as wrong to him.
The first thing they perceive is a person's character.
When Aizawa tied up Midoriya on the first day of school, he wasn't telling him off over his Quirk destroying him being a PR thing or too gruesome for the public. It was out of the fact that his Quirk shouldn't destroy him, because it's dangerous for Midoriya.
Aizawa came off antagonistic, but he was looking out for Midoriya. He didn't want him to keep breaking his whole arm, he didn't want him to get stuck in the mindset that he had to get hurt to use his Quirk, he was looking out for his wellbeing from the start. A kid he didn't know personally until that day.
Kudo did a similar thing. He turned his back, and refused to help, because they were putting their hopes in a delusional boy who would go too far. When the vestiges realized their gathered Abilities and Quirks were letting Midoriya have the freedom to do as he wished, Kudo already knew, only saying "His path is the right one". He could relate to having to run full-sprint to see your goal realized, even if everything opposed him, but didn't want Midoriya to go through that same path alone.
If he were alone, he'd be like Nagant. He had to have comrades to be like Kudo, able to continue and stand for their beliefs, but having comrades to fall back on, or pull him back when it's too much. That's why he follows up in that moment with, "But, if there's something Midoriya does need..."
Kudo and Aizawa could see themselves or their comrades in others, and knew how to approach those character flaws that were normalized to others and said person.
Kudo could see others for who they were, and I think it's this, and his caring nature, that he gathered so many allies with him. He knew when to be blunt, when to show kindness, that the truth hurts but needs to be seen, was actually very logical and witty, and when to step aside and let people do their thing, even if it wasn't the best move (like saving All Might). Because that was what was best for that person.
It's not like people would join someone so wholeheartedly without conviction and being left unseen by that person. So many people were willing to die with and for Kudo, and Bruce believes in him so much.
When All Might's vestige was fading and becoming more solid, Kudo had to look away. They knew it meant All Might was dying in the real world.
Kudo was telling Midoriya not to intervene with Gearshift there. But once he saw All Might genuinely dying out, he couldn't look at him, and kept quiet. He stopped hanging onto battlefield logic of necessity, shut up, let Midoriya do his thing, and it saved All Might. It saved Midoriya from seeing his idol die in front of him, and Kudo didn't have to see another ally die beside him.
The chapter is literally called [We Love You All Might!!]. Even if it's just meant to focus in Bakugo and Midoriya, and only has 2 exclamation marks, it can't discount the world is watching. The vestiges care about All Might too.
When the vestiges come up with the plan to forcibly transfer themselves to deal damage, Kudo volunteers himself as the test dummy. Sure, he backs it with a lot of reason too, but he didn't want anyone else to go first as a test drive
He, with a Gearshift Ability that resembled a manual car, was the test drive. Ha ha pun- *gets shot*
En tried going first. Kudo rejected him, saying he would go first.
"Part ways with Gearshift [me], and you'll be free of the crippling recoil too."
Too. TOO.
KUDO JUST WANTED TO GO AND BE DESTROYED FIRST. HE PUT THE FREEDOM OF RECOIL DOWN AS AN EXTRA BONUS SO THEY'D AGREE WITH HIS CHOICE.
I'd cut the image so it looks better, and I can use Bruce's words elsewhere, but this is an image limit, so,
- Kudo refused to let anyone else go first. This was before giving reasons to convince them he should leave first
- En gives reason to why it can't be Kudo. Kudo just says, "Listen." and reminds them of now.
- Look at Kudo's face when he says that. The guy knows what he's doing when he cuts off En, and would probably be a horrible liar. He might as well be pulling this out of his ass.
He's said "The world will end" "You have to or else" "Five minutes" "You're going to die" a few times in this fight already. DUDE STOPPP
(Terrible liar and a guy who purposely eggs you to torment? What a great friend he would be [yknow, when u make ur friends freak out by being ominous or reminding them of stuff. Like Toast to Lilypichu in a game of Observation Duty])
- "Too."
- Bruce's trust in him, but knowing when to pull Kudo back from going too far
Also, when he's transferred, he smiles to Midoriya. He knows he's about to die again, but the last thing he does for Midoriya is
1) Take away the recoil of his existence as a Factor on the boy
2) Reassure him that it's okay, so it doesn't weigh on his conscience
Even if only in thought, STILL!
KUDO LOOKED SO PROUD OF MIDORIYA!
I bet Kudo is suuuch a sentimental fool
> [Be me and watch your new friend die]
> [I have Yoichi's Factor]
> [It's like I carry his will now]
> [Have a glint of opposition in my eye that drives the Demon Lord and my comrades (Bruce) crazy]
> [Hey Bruce, let's figure out how it transfers]
> [Bruce's common sense VS my rabid ideas]
> [I win]
> [Bruce was unwilling the whole time and still ends up with the Factor]
> [The Factor is named One For All, after something in Yoichi's favorite comic book series]
> [We pass it on to the future to carry forward]
> [Even as everyone else and me dies, I make sure Yoichi and his will are safe from his Demon Lord brother that locked him up]
> [Decades later, my sweet vaulted friend reminds me of when we met]
> [I turn around and give my whole-hearted support to believe in some 15-year old boy because Yoichi believes in him too]
SEN - TIM - ENT - AL!
When Shinomori was stolen by AFO, Shinomori pushed everyone away before they could really notice the invader. Kudo called out for him.
Everyone is in shock, but I don't think it's a mistake that the text bubble calling out for Shinomori is pointing from Kudo.
All For One made it through and is ready to steal them, but the first thing Kudo did was call out for the one at the very front.
[On the post I made that mentions Shinomori pushing everyone away] What if Kudo wasn't pushed away? What if this was him at the front, realizing the danger and turning around, but being unable to do anything for Shinomori when he saw?
Like Bruce, Kudo communicates. He doesn't expect you to just follow or understand him. He actually lays it out and makes sure you keep up.
He explains
- the transfer of vestiges, and why he should go first
- his Quirk
- why Quirks are Quirks
- reports to Midoriya what's happening and what's next
- to Yoichi why they couldn't trust in a delusional boy. In a way that wasn't Bruce's roundabout "we lived in a terrible era and a leader gathered us"
When En panics, he barks at En to keep up. By barking at him, rather than any other way he could've used his tone, it shuts up En in his frantic babbling. Kudo also lets Vestige Might put in his thoughts to understand better, and uses it.
Eye reflection. Kudo can really see people for who they are, and understands others, and himself.
I can't repeat the pics cuz image limit, but look at previous panels here. For example, Kudo saying Yoichi's will lives in him, and when AFO reflected in his eyes
It's something I learned from Re:Zero. When a person in reflected in one's eye, something something that person can see the true core of you, of what you really are underneath everything. The eyes are the window and mirror [glass] of the soul. I finally see the true you.
AFO never reflected anyone.
But Kudo reflected AFO when the man accidentally killed Yoichi. He saw that AFO wasn't seeing anything, so later, Kudo smiled and mocked AFO at his own death.
"Yoichi?"
"He's gone."
"You killed him, Demon Lord."
And AFO hated that reminder.
Kudo was reminding him of what the truth was. Kudo saw it himself, and AFO blocked it out from the get-go. Kudo already knew what AFO was, what he was seeing, what he was doing to himself by blaming Kudo instead of himself.
And then, Kudo's eyes reflected his own hand when he realized Yoichi's Factor was in him.
Kudo clearly saw himself, and in himself, Yoichi. Nothing distorted it. It really was a clear mirror.
He really perceived Yoichi's will was living on, and was right. Otherwise, his eyes wouldn't have shown it.
Kudo was right about AFO. It's even implied back when he and Bruce had their backs turned; Kudo knew what AFO's real goal was. That was back when AFO preached unity and division under him.
Kudo could always see right through AFO. He really understood people from the start. And he never tried making up truths to justify what he was seeing, facing it head-on.
Kudo's lying about the world being black and white.
Kudo and Bruce saw the world as black and white. This was mentioned in the void.
Kudo also says, "Victory meant life. Defeat meant death."
But it's the Resistance. It's when Japan and the world was at their lowest. The world wasn't black and white; there's lots of gray.
Kudo and Bruce would've seen this. Kudo even admits that there's gray, just not directly.
Kudo says Yoichi knows, how he killed and trampled so many lives, to get back at AFO. He knows it wasn't right, or an amazing choice. Later, he says that when your back is against the wall, you have to make callous judgements. These hint at gray moments.
Kudo and Bruce have faced and been in the gray. But it's too hard to make the right choices, and there are times there is no right answer.
Historically, soldiers would convince themselves the enemy were monsters. They wouldn't be able to fight and kill them otherwise. They wouldn't be able to live with themselves without believing in this so badly.
Kudo and Bruce had to have been the same way. They were Meta Humans [Monsters] in a time they were viewed as diseased humans. The monsters were real. And they had a Demon Lord. Kudo and Bruce literally dressed up as soldiers.
Even if they were monsters to society, being Meta, Kudo and Bruce were still human. They knew this. The ones who tried believing in only black and white were inhabitants of the gray itself.
But they have to protect themselves. Kudo is so adamant that the world is only black and white, because he can't stand the gray. What it makes him do, what it means, that he's too weak to do anything.
Yoichi is an example of that gray area. The mortal enemy's younger brother, was actually locked up and sickly. He's just a comic book nerd. And it humanized the other side Kudo opposed so vehemently.
Kudo says victory is life and defeat is death. And Yoichi asked why he reached out to him then. He reminded Kudo of that gray area, and Kudo opened up.
Kudo might avoid the gray area because it's a matter of the heart and a moral dilemma, but it's what makes him human. When there's no right answer in the battlefield, he decides on his feelings instead.
He wishes the world was black and white, because it'd be so easy. But it's not.
Yoichi reminded him of how entering that gray area led to OFA ("when you reached out your hand to me"), and it had been the best choice in the end. The gray area is real, and Kudo's left a bare man with only his emotions when he's there.
Kudo is actually really kind and understanding. He's too soft for his own good. Thanks if you made it this far, I hope it makes sense (tag and image limit)
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"this chain will never end (but i'll fucking try)."
Well... umm... this one's a lot. A bit of a vent piece and I won't lie and say I didn't tear up at some parts. But what better way to cope than me writing? So here we are.
[Shoutout to @taelonsamada and @dominimoonbeam for being scared when I said I thought of some HuxDami angst that made me cry. I promise this one's got a bit more comfort than the IRL version of this story.]
CW: Dealing with an unaccepting parent of the LGBTQ+ child, Damien displaying signs of disordered eating, Sophia is implied to be an immigrant (which makes Dames a second gen immigrant), Both are implied to be POC but can be interpreted otherwise, Zozo dumping onto Damien
click here for the AO3 link!!!
--
For a man as disciplined and structured as Damien, there were only a few rules that he keeps near and dear to his heart. Your best is never enough, you can always do better. Even at your worst moments, you must find a way through. Failure is never an option.
(It’s funny, Damien realizes. Any time he would repeat the rules in his head, it was never his voice, but his mother’s. He doesn’t remember when she embedded those ideas into him, or maybe he inherited through her blood.)
His favourite rule, and the one he finds himself going back to the most is ‘out of sight, out of mind’. He often finds himself caught up in the minute details, so it’s imperative for him to remember that if it’s not in his immediate vicinity, he shouldn’t worry much about it. Besides, he likes the line itself. It’s catchy, it’s simple and can be applied to many situations. And Damien does love it when things are efficient and effective.
It can be applied to that time he had gotten a subpar grade on an exam. It had been crushing. He spent hours and blood and tears to study, only to fail in the end. His heart had turned into a void, mind leaving his body. Had he eaten anything the night before, it would have been on the floor in front of him. Was this a violent reaction to something as trivial as a bad grade? Maybe. But Damien would not- could not accept failure. So when he fails, his body would rather twist itself inside out than to accept that reality.
(His mother’s reaction was particularly crushing. She wasn’t mad, just disappointed, and that might have been even worse than any verbal abuse he’s suffered at her hand.)
Instead of wallowing in his own failures, he swallowed his pain and worked harder. He burned the exam paper, deleted the email. Anything that reminded him of that shitty mark, he destroyed. Now that the monster was gone, he can now focus on the next exam. If his nose wasn’t in a book, frantically scribbling down all the information he needed to absorb, then he was in the field, applying his knowledge to his magic. Making it brighter, hotter, better.
Even on the days he was grasping on straws, where his fire couldn’t even spark embers, he found something, anything, to keep going. And on days when his setbacks creep back to haunt him, he finds a way to keep it off his mind.
(His mother’s words were a good motivator and reminder. “You are my son, Damien. You do not fail. Do better next time.” Because there was always a next time. There had to be.)
When the second round of grades came around, and the professor congratulated Damien for his improvement, he simply scoffed. “This is nothing to congratulate me for, Professor. This is the bare minimum I expect of myself.” This was his normal, it had to be.
It didn’t matter that Huxley had found Damien passed out on the training fields on more than one occasion. Or that Lasko thought that he was a zombie when the young fire elemental walked into his class. Or that the only reason he ate during those few weeks was because Gavin and Freelancer would force food and water down his throat.
Nothing mattered except his perfection, and forgetting about his own pain had helped with that.
(His mother was satisfied with his academic excellence after his lack of success. Not happy or proud or impressed, just… satisfied. “This is what I expect from you, Damien. Maintain this level from here on out.” From just that, it sounds like Sophia is a horrible woman, not even acknowledging her son’s triumph through pain, but Damien swears that if you heard her say it, you can hear a flicker of pride in her voice. He’ll never know, but the chance that his mother was happy with him is enough to keep pushing on. His mom is not a bad person.)
(She was happy with her son, but she will never tell him.)
His favourite rule had also helped when it came to his mother’s political career.
As within most families, Damien and Sophia had their ideological differences. Damien had always been a little radical when it came to the discrimination within the empowered world. On the other hand, Sophia thoroughly believed that if she plays by the rules of the systems in place, she’ll be able to do more good than harm. They both had the good of the public in mind, but their methods of achieving their shared dream couldn’t be any more different.
When it comes to people with such different perspectives, there should have been arguments, maybe some screaming if one or both sides couldn’t convey their points properly. But that never happened in their household. There were tense dinners and words that wanted to be said, only for silence to follow.
For as long as he can remember, Damien and his mother never really talked about disagreements. It had always been Sophia telling Damien something, an order, a fact, a plan or whatever, with such sureness that Damien thought she took her own word for Gospel. Whether he vehemently disagreed with what she said, wanting to pick apart her arguments to prove that she’s wrong, it didn’t matter. Damien would bite his lip and hold his tongue. He nodded in agreement with what his mother said, because he’d rather burn himself alive with his own fire than feel the wrath of his mother’s flames. (And nothing pained him more than the burn of Sophia’s disapproval.)
That’s where ‘out of sight, out of mind’ had also kicked in. He would bury his mother’s beliefs so deep within his brain, that he would forget they ever existed. Part of it so that he can pretend to be the perfect son that she wanted. (Though Damien doesn’t ever know if he’ll be that. He’s long accepted that he wouldn’t be what she wants.) The other part was to remind himself that while maybe his mother's truths were outdated, they didn’t make her a bad person. That was what she was raised with. (Was beat with.)
His mom wasn’t a bad person. (Accepting that meant accepting his own pain, something he kept far into the rearview mirror.)
But she made it hard for him to forget that.
“Oh, I don’t mind them, I know many people who belong to that community. I just wish they stopped shoving it down our faces. Don’t you agree, Damien?”
He smiled, a forced, pained smile, but one that was enough to placate his mother. Against his own will, Damien nodded to his mother’s words, not wanting to create a scene in the middle of the ballroom. He couldn’t bring himself to say it, to verbally agree with her. Especially with his own growing feelings.
Shortly after the Inversion (or it may have been the catalyst), Damien had fostered feelings for his best friend. The kind earth elemental that has been nothing caring towards him, even when he didn’t deserve it. At night, he fantasizes about the places he’d take him out to. Or the activities Huxley would have planned for him. Or the feeling of his arms around him, holding him close to his chest. Or the way Huxley’s hands would trail over his body, slipping under his pants to grab his-
He shook his head. He didn’t need to think about Huxley’s hands jerking him off. Though that would be better than being in this stuffy gala with these stuffy clothes.
(Now that he thinks about it, he wonders how good Huxley would look in a suit and tie… Did it get hotter in here or was it just him?)
There had been days where his love for the man would burst out of his chest, threatening to burn himself alive the same way his flames incinerated anything in its path. And in those moments, Damien wondered if he could go to his mother to talk about it. Maybe she can offer some perspective? Maybe comfort that Damien would make it out of this crush alive, whether that be with or without Huxley.
That comment from Sophia had reminded him why he would never do that.
Just like he destroyed any remnants of failure so that he wouldn't agonize over it, his mother’s view over those who loved differently firmly fell into that category as well. He tried, really he does, to not think about the snide comments and disproving gaze whenever a rainbow flag had come into view. But Sophia loved to remind him (albeit without meaning too) about her very wrong opinions about the community.
Did she know that everything that she said, that she felt, would also apply to him?
If she knew that Damien was one of the “heathens” that she often finds herself mocking in private, would it change her mind? Would she let go of all of her prejudices that she held so deeply? Accept her son and Huxley for who they were and support them no matter what?
When he wasn’t confronted head on with Sophia disdain, he can pretend that he’d have the perfect coming out story. He would sit her down at the dinner table, with a home cooked meal that he put his soul into. He was thinking it would be a dish from his mother’s home country. His palms would be sweating and posture tense. He’d be nervous, obviously. He didn’t know what his mother’s reaction would be to his greatest secret. Disgust? Joy? Indifference? He didn’t know and that terrified him.
His mother would ask him if anything happened at school, since that’s the only topic that she could think of that may bring this amount of strife to her son. She’d question if it had been a student or a professor messing with him, offering to use her position as a magistrate to ‘deal’ with the issue.
(Ain’t it funny how a mother will walk through hell for her son without a second thought, but accepting him for who he loves is what she finds difficult?)
Damien would decline, both the inquisition and the offer. No one was bothering, nor was there any reason for his mother to use her power like that.
Sophia with a puzzled face, would ask what was wrong. It would cause Damien to take a deep breath, opening his mouth and revealing the secret he buried in his soul.
And she would smile and give him a hug. Because she was his mother and would love him no matter what, accepting him with open arms.
“Son, you never have to hide this part of yourself. I will love you and your partner no matter who they are.”
That was the unconditional love of a mother that he was raised seeing on TV, and even if his mother wasn’t as loving, she would still welcome him into her heart, right?
But deep down, despite the numerous leaps in logic that he took and the truth he buried deep within him, Damien knew what her reaction would be. Why confess a secret if it puts your life in danger? Why confess a secret, only to be met with hatred, or worse, disappointment?
Damien’s heart dropped, the familiar pit returning at the same realization that he made when he was a child. That there would never be a scenario or a universe where Sophia won’t loathe him for being different. It’s a freight train he tries to forget that exists, but forgetting could never truly get rid of it.
He shook himself out of his thoughts, and with a closed lipped smile, he asked his mother to leave for a breath of fresh air. She allowed it, and Damien sped out of the stuffy room, away from his mother’s intolerance looming over him.
Thankfully, he was far enough away from the main room for his tears to not embarrass himself nor taint his mother’s reputation. Even during moments of weakness, he had his mother’s image to maintain.
His rage flowed through as quickly as the tears dripping from his green eyes. Why on earth, after coming to terms with this sad fact years ago, did it douse his fire when he heard Sophia’s disapproval? Why couldn’t he let go of the childish notion that mother’s love is unconditional because it clearly isn’t? Why couldn’t his mom just love him like she promised to?
He’s had years to come to terms with this.
But it hurts. It fucking hurts and he wants to be held and told that he’s not broken or disgusting for loving who he loves and just feel the warmth of his mother’s hug and-
A ring from his phone brought him back from his spiral, and he looked to see that it was a phone call from Huxley. He answered once he cleared his throat, not wanting to worry his friend with his nonsensical crying.
“Hello?”
“Hey dude! Are you still at your mom’s work gala?”
He winced at the mention of his mother, thankful that the earth elemental couldn’t see his physical reactions. “Yea, but it’s almost over.”
“Awesome! Also, Gavin wanted to ask if you’re still down to go to that drag show this Friday?”
Gavin and his partner invited the rest of them to a drag show done by an old friend of his. Damien accepted of course, wanting to have a good time yes, but also because he’s never been to one. Rarely did Damien feel like he belonged in the room, even within his own family, but perhaps he could at the show, surrounded by friends.
“Of course I’ll be there.” Damien saw the message from his mom, telling him that they’ll be heading back to their place now. “I got to go, but I’ll talk later.”
“Alright dude, see you soon!”
He said his goodbyes and walked back to the main room, trying to calm his beating heart before Sophia asked what had happened. But at least the dread that filled his body was replaced with excitement and joy.
Maybe, just maybe, Damien will find acceptance, a home, with the new friends he called family.
(Sophia saw her son walking back inside, smiling with a pep in his step. It was an unfamiliar motion from him and she wanted to know what had happened. She kept that question to herself though, knowing that he wouldn’t get an answer. When did the distance between her and Damien get so far that he doesn’t go to her anymore? Where had the days gone when he would tell her everything?)
(Had she done something to make Damien feel unsafe to go to her?)
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