#nothing you have been through has been in your control OUGH

[ambrose-d]

edyns whole conversation with gill abt the banishment and how he grew up is literally ripping my heart apart. i cant DO this today!!! im gonna be sad at these dnd characters again!!!

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

Just finished reading Pez Dispenser Debris (I don’t even go there but I am fueled by Wiki articles and a love for your storytelling) and first of all—amazing!!! 10/10, I think I need to watch this series now. 

Second, I  noticed that (while very much distinct) Yuuta & Izuku have a lot of similarities in the voice you gave them—maybe it’s the constant panic attacks or perhaps both of  them placing blame for everything squarely on their own shoulders, but ough it makes for the perfect blend of gut-punching angst. I’d love to hear any ramblings you currently have about either of them. I am currently obsessed with both of them now and am placing the blame on you <3

I’m gonna pretty heavily discuss some spoilers for my hero academia in this. I figured that was okay since you’d already read my fanfic and the wiki so the cat is out of the metaphorical bag. That being said, maybe wait to read this answer if you want to not be spoiled for more details in my hero.

Yuuta and Izuku absolutely have the most similar voices out of all of my narrators and it is 90% because they are both completely insane and in violent need of a Xanax and a nice soothing cup of chamomile tea. God I love them both so much. They should each be heavily medicated.

My hero academia is a pretty great watch through the Shie Hassaikai arc. The concept is entertaining, the characters are GREAT, and the world building is really cool.

Then the story sort of. Went to shit.

I tried for a while after that, but eventually had to stop watching. My friends and I have a group chat named “horikoshi just call us” because we got so despondent at the writing decisions after that arc.

Horikoshi. If you’re out there. If you’re reading this. Just call us. We just want to help.

That being said, my love for the characters maintains its death grip on me. I simply adore them. They’re delights.

Yuuta and Izuku, on their face, have a lot of similarities as protagonists. The aforementioned insanity and need of Xanax, of course, but the skeleton of the stories has a lot of common touchstones and themes, like:

Both characters have some kind of history with suicidal ideation or tendencies. In the second scene of JJK0, it’s established that Yuuta canonically tried to kill himself. In the first episode of BNHA, Izuku is told to kill himself by his bullies, in an act which appears to be common to izuku’s life, and the only reason Izuku comes up with to not do it is “then you’d get in trouble for telling me to do it.”

Both characters have severe self worth issues. Yuuta’s looking for a reason to be alive at the start of JJK0. He’s looking for a right to be alive. In a way, Izuku is too at the start of BNHA. At the open of action, he is told by everyone in his life that he is useless. His nickname is “Deku,” which uses some of the same kanji as “Dekunobo,” meaning blockhead. The most direct translation were given is that this is a way of calling him useless. He’s the powerless member of a society choked with superpower, and he’s been told his entire life that he can do nothing, that his dreams are pointless, and that he’s a burden who would be better off dead.

They’re both saddled with power they can’t fully control. Yuuta with Rika, and Izuku with One for All, a transferable power that’s too strong to be contained in his body.

They both have a close relationship with an impossibly strong mentor that they are implied to be the successor of. Yuuta with Gojo, as he’s second only to Gojo in the modern age, and Izuku with All Might (aka Toshinori Yaga), who he is more literally taking on the mantle of One for All from.

They both are chugging that Loving Their Friends Juice and have tried to kill grown men with their bare hands as a result

That all being said, they could not be more different characters and honestly aren’t all that similar.

I have this sort of lasting grievance with literary analysis when people take a list of common plot points or events and use them to make the argument that characters are similar or parallel one another. Like, that’s all facial. The real question is how do they substantively handle those events. How do their story arcs treat those things? How does their character react to them?

Yuuta and Izuku’s actual substantive characters don’t really react to those events in the same way at all. The analysis could go on all day in this respect, really, but the biggest difference is how their respective story arcs treat the cornerstone of their original conflicts.

Yuuta opens action with Rika as the cornerstone of his conflict. She’s who he wants to free, she’s who he’s chained to, and it’s her protection of him that makes him think he deserves to die. Izuku’s cornerstone, meanwhile, is his own Quirklessness. He desperately wants to be a hero, and everyone in his life tells him he can’t be because he is Quirkless. He’s useless because he’s Quirkless. He should kill himself because he’s Quirkless. He’s a burden and always will be because he’s Quirkless.

And while Yuuta’s arc reconciles him with his cornerstone, Izuku’s forgoes it entirely.

The story just. Forgets. That he’s Quirkless. They stop talking about it. It never comes up again. It doesn’t make any real big impact on his character or decisions. It’s one of my biggest axes to grind with how the story developed, and it’s actually one of the biggest reasons why I wrote pez dispenser debris.

Pez dispenser debris was actually inspired by this one piece of my hero academia art where Izuku is hugging his younger self. I don’t know if it was official art or fan art, and I have no idea where it is or where to find it because by god have I tried so I can find it and link it for credit/to boost it. I saw it literally years ago, thought “oh that’s cool,” wrote the original first scene of the fic (where Midoriya stops the bus and is hit by the Quirk), wasn’t feeling it, got distracted by other projects, went to law school, graduated law school, signed up to take the bar exam, and was suddenly electrified in the last fucking month of studying with this fugue state of feverish artistic inspiration. I have never written so easily or so compulsively in my life. I’d write for eight unbroken hours and it would be fucking magic every time. It was like an addiction. I was writhing with a need to create and had so much fucking anxiety about the test I was not studying for instead. The words could not be restrained.

Anyway I taught myself three subjects on the plane ride to the state I was taking it in and passed anyway so it’s fine we’re fine

The moral of the story is that this story has been cooking long enough for me to get two more diplomas than I had when I started it and I have no idea where to find that fucking piece of art that inspired it, but if I find it, I’ll reblog it so y’all can see it too.

The thing is, the narrative sort of forcibly excluding Izuku’s past as Quirkless would make total sense to me if it was used as something Izuku himself was doing.

Izuku necessarily had to hide the truth of his former Quirkless status at the start of action—he needed to keep the secret of One for All. Like, he could not let people find out that a Quirk was transferrable, but you know, just the most powerful one, and also he had it, please come torture it out of him.

But as the narrative goes on, that rationale becomes less important. He has people he can trust with it. And yeah, eventually One for All becomes more known, but the discussion is all about him being all might’s successor. Him being Quirkless and how that affected him and still affects him isn’t really discussed or treated as important. And Izuku doesn’t act like it’s important to him either. He never really thinks about it.

And I just hated that. Like. He spent almost his entire life as a member of society who was spit on. He’s had a Quirk for less than a year. How are his experiences with Quirklessness not important to how he interacts with the world?

The other point of contention I had was Mirio.

Mirio is this superstar of a senpai who takes Izuku under his wing. He has an extremely powerful quirk that’s only as effective as it is because he put in the work and learned how to handle it. He’s a perfect, eternally smiling paragon of heroism. He’s flagged early as the one out of everyone, including heroes with established careers, who is most likely to replace All Might.

He’s also the one who was supposed to get One for All.

His mentor had found him and trained him to be All Might’s successor. Before All Might could meet him, however, he found this feral raccoon child in a sewer and said “oh my god I can’t not offer him incomprehensible power within the first three hours of meeting him” and tripped face first into fatherhood.

During a rescue mission, Mirio loses his Quirk in a way that’s borderline irreversible. There’s no known cure, and the only possible one is dependent on a little girl learning how to control an extremely volatile and dangerous quirk and using it in a way she never has before.

So surely, they’re going to commit to that writing decision, right? He’s Quirkless. We’re bringing back having Quirkless characters. It’s going to be this sick as hell juxtaposition between Izuku and Mirio. We are at least going to force Izuku to reflect on his own times as Quirkless or have some kind of discussion about how Mirio is treated differently now that he is Quirkless.

But no. He gets his Quirk back by the next season. We don’t talk about it much. It’s more of a minor inconvenience than anything.

It’s almost as if the show accepted as an actual rule that you couldn’t be a hero without a Quirk. And then just. Forgot. Everything it had to do with its literal protagonist.

Anyway, I hated it.

In contrast, I fucking loved how yuuta’s storyline with Rika ends. That scene where Yuuta’s turning back to Rika, thanking her for loving him, telling him they can die together? I’m obsessed with it. I recently moved across the country and listened to that theme song on loop during the drive.

Yuuta and Rika’s love was unhealthy. They hurt each other. But it wasn’t malicious.

They just didn’t know how to love each other in a way that didn’t hurt.

They were in shit circumstances. But the love was there.

Yuuta felt guilty for Rika’s love for him and his for her almost the entire narrative. He thought he cursed her with his love. He wanted to kill himself because of how she hurt people out of love for him. It’s why I have moments in sea glass gardens where Yuuta talks about begging Rika to stop loving him—he didn’t know why love had to hurt so goddamn bad, and he’s sorry for that, he really is. He wishes he was better at it than he was.

At the end of JJK0, Yuuta truly is the last person who remembers Rika as she was and still loves her for who she is. He’s faced with Geto, who wants to use her as a weapon. Everyone treats her as a threat or a tool, except for Yuuta.

Like. Just that moment. Of loving someone so genuinely, and being the last one who does, and knowing that everyone else will just use them. I’m obsessed with it.

Yuuta reconciles with his love for Rika and her love for him, and they’re both finally freed. It’s this perfect moment of acceptance that I adore. He comes to terms with his past. It doesn’t hurt him so much anymore.

I wrote pez dispenser debris to sort of force Izuku to have that kind of reconciliation. As it is, he hasn’t reconciled with his own Quirklessness and how that affected him. I wanted to give him something he couldn’t physically escape and had to face.

[zerguette]

*comes in and sits down politely on your floor* Would you be able to share with us anything about Jhostin and your mafia faction? Maybe even a couple of things about your Toppat OCs? I am very curious about this band of people you've got hehe, their designs are just amazing!

Okey dokie okie dokie okie dokie -explodes-

-sits politely - sit and prepare yourself for the rant

but first (and i apologize if some stuff is hard to understand, english is not the best thing with me so I STRUGGLE to explain my ideas in this language ough)

this thing is very loooong so yeah

To get to Jhostin lore, I'll start with the mafia guys. Lightpathers are an asian-american mafia, they also go by The SL(Sen-dero-Lumi-noso, i feel like addibg lines i don't want to trigger Tumblr's anger), which is a reference a te-rro-rist group that had a big impact in my country (Perú), which i would recommend reading about a bit! As It IS a just a reference to this group, this mafia is not a harsh as how this disgusting people were. They just are kind of a small confederance of guys that got high enough to want to set a new order in the world. Not entirely but thats how i joke about them.

The SL has a different distribution of power, there are actually 7 leaders, (Joaquín is not one! But is like the right hand of Arcturus and the one who calculates almost everything), and have been hidden years, the main head of 'Deleting the CCC and making this timeline ours and taming chaos and oh god im SO high' is Yuang Yang. AND!! A way to distinguish a SL member, is by something really special, they either wear a golden ring with a star of four points or an earring of the same star! (in case of one of the leaders, she wears earrings of many pearls but its because she wanted not to copy others)

(But after being traumatized dying and dying and nobody remembering past timelines, he ends using the CCC arsenal against the same last universe he's living on, because at the end, he is also a complete believer that stronger ones survive, and to erradicate CCC, there must be more sacrificing that he at first intended. CCC can't do nothing, because murdering people who doesnt cause chaos, is not actually something they can fix, but they are put at edge, because Yuang forces the CCC to see, the worst outcome of their actions [or what he considers the worst but it still works out]

i hc some sticks do only exist in certain timelines, this is why, Yuang has never existed in a succesful timeline. And also it's like universe is a big pc, where you have many back-ups but no way to restore these, as same as some sticks can only exist/live in certain timelines, is at same some sticks can not longer exist after their mother timeline is wiped off, and, mother timeline is and can't be considered an ending for these sticks, because it is stated they'll always live in this one (right? they will always live on this one, right?).

Yuang Yang, 70yo asian stick, he's an anomaly, because he's been able to keep his memories through the timelines and reached a conclusion (which i talked with Saisk before in a ramble), this is his final timeline and so of the other leaders. He founded the SL on all the past timelines we visit with Henry in the games, but he never succeded ar all (cuz he happened to just exist with the other leaders and The SL ONLY in the ones we fail, which are A LOT.) -> So what is an anomaly, is how I call Henry, and the sticks who are able to understand the time and reality (CCC are just built different), or have different powers (which is what rises chaos levels). Yuang has died and lived so many times to realize he's literally on the last rectangle of life, given being an anomaly gets you one simple symptomp -> The Weird Dreams, dreaming about stuff where you have options, places and things you can create. The reality here can be a bit Wicked and hard to understand, ;_;. But dreams are the symptomp of having more control(chaos) than you should have. This after Yuang spent his entire (last)youth investigating and getting to certain conclusions.

Yuang is a key character in my au, because he's the main reason why everything happens. He did admired how Henry, an anomaly like he, like Alexandrovna, like Carlo, Like Arcturus and other leaders, was able to control his power so completely (the fact Henry connects two timelines in FtC, given you have either calling Gov or Toppats but arent you in other timeline already?, he is able to manipulate reality at his own will), but he didnt like that even if everything goes on, for some reason Henry does always follow what he wants. Yuang is a character that has been and has been always there, never actually lived an Ending, which he knows exists, but he happens to die! For some reason something happens! For some reason each time you fail the Game it's like the world disssppears and the screams and the chaos! And you wake up again, breathing rapidly, but Yuang has always woken up from this nightmare in his youth (20yo), Henry events happens when he's like 70 years, so you get it. He had time, and he realized the CCC was always there (and has always been there) as the one entity that controls everything, because "You all not know how easy are we to wipe off! How easy is it for them to press a buttom and get rid of us! Because of some stupid inestability."

Yuang hates and despises CCC for this Main reason, and has always questioned the reasons and actions of Henry (he only admires the power), he has never talked to him, but he keeps wondering if Henry is aware that everytime he fails and starts again, he doesnt know The destruction this causes. He does wonder, hes just a guy who ended making a big high to heavens idea. And his plan is just getting rid of the CCC and 'doing correctly' what Henry couldnt. Saving this timeline, saving his comrades, saving this people.

Oksana Alexandrovna Karenina, 51 years old russian stick, even if old she has aged like wine. A powerful woman, who covers her scars because showing theses is like showing weakness, she is straight but supportive. And has been given mind control powers (in this one, the variant that kills, like she literally can stare at you and force you to shut down because you happened to annoy her) and here is where you won't longer like Yuang, Alexandrovna powers were helpful! She actually wanted to travel as a biologist, and got to be able to talk with animals thelepathically, she was a very happy woman until a strange man appeared in her journeys, and she was kind of brainwashed, Yuang would totally sometimes sent heists and this involves killing, Alexandrovna disliked the whole idea of killing another one, it was, terrifying for her. She loved life, and Yuang just, with his great way of talking and brainwashing with words, no need of power, told her she didnt have to wash her hands in blood, she could easily, you know, kill them by breaking their mind, and yeah, the young woman didnt want to, but Yuang would push and push this idea until she just did it, and ended going down into the hole. She then became a narcissist woman who can't acept her own errors, and deep inside her heart, she still just wants to be out in the nature and talk with animals, deep inside her cold heart, she never wanted this. But she also realized this was her last timeline, she can't afford thinking about the mass destruction, she might have ended killing innocents, but no, she's not into causing a huge massacre. And she has a crush on Carlo, since so time ago, since they met…sighs…pain.

So, leaders do have the dreams about selecting options and stuff, but not actually go and do it, its a dream they live, we call it dream bc is them living in this timeline, until it is shut off and they face utter destruction. Yuang has no power to make things, he knows he can see options, he can see diferent paths, but never actually get to do it, in fact, its like ghost pain, its like the leaders know they can select, but for some reason it feels this power and options are very away from them, which in comparison to Henry, he does have the abillity to choose. And has the abillity to everything.

Yuang's power is actually hiding himself or cloaking, in a way, he can temporarily erase his own presence during certain period and make other sticks do not see or remember he was/is there. But when time is over, he is there again and the other sticks are left confused, because ''Boss, weren't you here before?'', But more than that, Yuang is gifted with having the abillity of remembering his past lives, where he knows he always dies because either toppats become so powerful or for some reason everything glitches out and damn . (Also to understand how it feels getting erased and how it feels timelines died, i suggest reading Robot Dreams from Isaac Asimov! its a good book! good stories! but there is one specially which can get you to get the feeling of it) Back to powers and stuff. we got the other guys who are not yet developed completely, Yuang got most of the lore by now, but it'll write down everything about them.

Carlo Horner Hershell, 54 yo american liutenant, general, sargeant, okey idk, hes same rank as Galeforce, but most everyone got used to call him Lt Carlo/Horner. He was enlisted in the forces by his father, he has always been so tall for others, out of his prom he was the tallest (210cm). Thing here is, Yuang studied and was a professor temporarily in America, but lived his childhood and teenhood in Asia, so he met young Carlo, because this last one asked to be allowed to get studies on a normal university at the same time he studied in the forces and served them (like doing double career, double university), this was permitted (also he is same age as Galeforce and both met and were besties, mhm, besties, roomates, omg they were roomates). Carlo's power is more like his body is the one of a predator? He has a pretty much normal power, just his senses are highened, at first he was only able to distinguish smells, but oh, hey Galeforce i just had one my professors of physics replaced by this weird one, he smells like ciggarretes. Yet for some reason Carlo was so invested in what Yuang taught, his classes were few, he was always travelling, always here and there, so having a lecture by him, was something special, and boy he did have lot of students, yet Yuang always was interested in Carlo, eventually they shared more than just lectures. Again, Yuang is a mastermind of brainwashing and so did Harlo got brainwashed, he still was the same easy-going idiot, who loved doing pranks, but weirdly enough as years went by his sense were more highened than normal, he got called "Bloody Horner", because even for being such a happy guy, he is very strict with his actions and orders, and hes also much of a fist fighter, he doesnt thinks twice when it comes about his enemy. He is more gay than any honor, having a crush (what a story) with Galeforce but then just ending like besties, Carlo is an old man (he dyes his hair to look young, let him be) and yeah, he loves men (im still debating but he screams gayness in all his spirit) and keeps feeling bad when Alexandrovna does the obvious enamoured gaze at him, because he somehow feels its so aching to be never able to correspond that love. He works in the north part of America! but time to time gets transfered back to be with his ol pal Galeforce. I often see him teaching Rupert or the Bukowski twins when he has the opportunity, he likes to test their abillities. He uses a ring of the star! and has a tongue piercing.

Arcturus Gutierrez, or more like ''Sargento Arturito'', he got his face burnt when a granade was thrown at him, hes 67yo, and loves drinking a shot of whiskey before starting a mission. Hes born in Mexico and loves his homeland, but ended joining the forces because he was kind of interested in meeting the superstar soldier who can't be beaten (aka, Carlo), he then ended travelling mostly to America because of this. He never got too much into the countries conflicts, in fact, he just happened to meet Yuang when he was on a normal airplane, there was this man who started talking with him and about how hard is being a professor and also an "investigator". As the other leaders, brainwash because i would add more text to this answer than i intend to. Hes like an old man, looks older than Yuang and sometimes uses a staff to be able to stand or walk. He also uses not an earring or ring, instead his uniform belt has a star form in the center. He's your old man, would make you a coffee and give you some tacos, why not. He and Joaquín are besties, where he just treats Joaquín as his own child (given he happened to have no wife no kids, just loneliness), and well his entire division are his small children. He babysits young soldiers like a good grandpa. He's the leader who is most neutral towars Yuang's fucked up ideas,,

The other leaders are still on the way of being designed! But you can tell where there are going to be :D, Alexandrovna dictates the plans of Europe, Carlo, the ones of America and Arcturus the ones of Latinoamerica, while Yuang the ones of Asia, but he also leads hidden heists around the world. He took as much advantage of the toppats being the spot of the eye for some many years, like damn, he got all the time he needed in this last timeline. Everything takes place in the ending of Triple Threat au wah. A bit after. who knows. who knows.

And from the side of Alexandrovna, the SL have a deep connection with the Wall :) (the first idea was actually making the Wall a new mafia like Toppats but i didnt like much the idea, i prefered them being a connection to a more bigger mafia/clan)

Oh And Joaquín!, hes a lovely boy! :D, he's very good at managing number and stuff, of course each leader has their respective rhm (the army of rhms), Joaquín is Arcturus' right hand, hes a communications guy and liason among all the leaders, more like the top right hand in the mafia/clan. Don't trust his smile, he'll absolutely blast a bomb without knowing, hes a bit silly. Hes always present in the leader's meeting, and the only right hand that takes participations on the plans, the others are not allowed to join the meetings.

Okie dokie we go with the other right hand, that is Soveigna!, believe or not, shes prob one of the most important character for this au, she is another anomaly with powers similar to Alexandrovna (there is a reason why she is her right hand), she ended blind at young age and lived mostly on darkness until she was found and she was given biotechnological eyes, she is muted selectively but she does speaks if needed. She's very strange, very quiet, always looking around, she has the weird dreams but can't remember them completely, its more like she wakes up and has memories of weird stuff that has been affecting her integrity, she never uses her powers only if she needs aid, she's like a beacon. (I like to think about powers a lot, but yeah Yuang did totally go into looking only for anomalies to join him, like toppats, toppats united cant be defeated!) Soveigna and Jhostin are very much togueter, being sent on spy missions togueter, she pilots and knows how to do her job perfectly. When the chaos started (thanks Yuang you crazy ass) she ended stuck in America, trying to escape with Jhostin they ended leaving the place but Soveigna received the order of flying away, and she never breaks an order. Jhostin didnt want to leave the entire country because what about the otehr guys! Their clan! What is happening? and he won't get an answer.

Jhostin is a silly boy!!! I love him so muchhhh ough, he lost his parents thanks to the SL, he never knew about this, he was 8 years old and ended orphan inside a house, alone, Dmitri and Grigori were sent to said house to raise this kid by orders from above. Jhostin was born in europe in such a cold place,his parents lived in the village that was the nearest to the Wall, at first he didnt like Dmitri and Grigori and tbh, these two were not good at raising a child. They were mostly, confused and stressed out and instead made Jhostin train and train until he becomes such a good soldier because they didnt know how to deal with a kid. Even though, they have never failed to look after his health or his studies, so yeah, they tried but it never justifies how shit they were and they have acepted Jhostin will never forgive them because making a child learn how to use a knife, is something unforgiving. Anyways, during Jhostin adolescence he met who is called His Brother, Dear Zar, they never got along, they just hated each other and tahts the story. Jhostin has a tendency of hissing and hes very close minded about opening to others, Dmitri and Grigori never mentioned about the SL, lets say they did care a little bit, but ironically Jhostin leaves and ends joining The Sl, the ones who killed his parents. He might look very serious and dangerous, he is! but he is good, and always prefers him being the one who ends with blood on his hands than others, because somehow he looks at beginners, everyone of the clan as smaller siblings and he has always had this older brotherly personality. He is a spy because hes so hard to spot, his movements are so wise, not making a simple noise, like a snake that doesnt hiss, like a tiguer ready to get his prey, and his machete is his bestie, he also has learnt muay thai and boxing, he's master when it comes to these two fighting arts. He takes care of Soveigna like if she is his very own sister, he adores her and always listens to her when she wants to say something, she is one of his motivations to continue, and the why he is always sure all missions are successful, she has taken the best out of him.

and yeah the other right hands are also being designed, because i tend to put much effort into their descriptions, maybe too much.

Either way, you've asked about the Jhostin, I shall give you Jhostin, I know you love him, He Appreaciates The Love.

Jhostin is 167cm tall, kinda small for a man, his eyes are big and evil, dangerous, his scars were a gift from Zar and from past missions were he failed to protect himself correctly. He has more scars on his torso and so, his favorite dessert is the strawberry cake, and he loves wearing skirts. His hair is very short given he feels this can interfere with his vision, he also doesnt like hair…and well, hes pretty much involved with Spike (Saisk' oc) because damn i love their dynamic. Jhostin has been raised with russian and asian language! That's why his english sometimes, sounds a bit weird (same with Soveigna and Zar), he has a tendency to sketch sometimes but is rarely seen, loves rock bands and yeah he's been everywhere i think. Inside the toppats, the gov, and later in the CCC. Hes also good at dancing (ballet!).

uhhhhhhhhhh and well about my toppats ocs, I have Orion and Alán, Orion is the younger brother of Zar. Who happened to go missing years before he was born, Orion is…the sweetest guy you'll ever meet, he's literally an angel, and has always tried to find options that don't lead to violence, he adores his brother even if they never met, loves his family, loves all the coworkers he's had. Still, he had the objective of finding his brother, he is pretty much good at using computers so hacking and learning about more mafias than just the Toppats was easy for him, he enlisted himself on the forces but when he knew being there wouldnt actually help him with getting to learn about this brother, he just step away from the gov, because he was stuck and making zero progress. Instead he joined the toppats, literally went over there, and presented himself, of course, he is an angel but he does mean things too, ended giving info the gov so he could be acepted, he's part of the communications team, so yeah he did meet Burt, but never shared a word. Orion is very neutral about everything, he just wants his brother back because one part of his family is lost, he's not happy about that. But when chaos starts he's left there with the toppats, and instead knows his brother is alive somewhere so he decides to protect the toppats for the great chaos.

Alán is bolivian, he learned english after travelling to Perú in his youth and spending years there, he finished his studies here and then decided to continue living, until he saw toppats and how they steal and boy he loves stealing so he instantly had to find a way to join them. His hair is afro, and hes literally a thin toppat kind of short, but always tries to smile even if his 24/7 face makes him look like hes º^º

and ough thanks for asking! i hope you enjoyed the ramble cuz i ramble hella lot,,,,,

[sunsetstarving]

ok hi i like think i talked abt your ocs with you when you first shared the slides with me but i was going through my drive and i saw it again and i was like ok wait let me look! and i now have Thoughts

- FIRST OFF nefise is like so eldest daughter immigrant trauma. if this makes sense. i also understand why she turns evil for a bit

- dani's like my fave ever btw im like so not normal abt him. just the implications of the whole being someone whos always positive and optimistic (slightly delusional) and then starting to lose all that when the world starts ending. starting to lose yourself bc youre the literal fucking symbol of hope but you cant bring yourslef to be the least bit hopeful. god. rattling him around in my brain

- pls give kore a kazoo. im begging. also a turtle fits the green theme. shes like the coolest btw and i get the whole. like wanting to be someones first chocie but you feel like theyre always going to choose someone that they can love and love them romantically and hating yourself a little bit for not being able to like ouchhh man why you gotta zir like that. ough

- TESNIS LIKE THE BIGGEST LOSER im so obsessed w her. i love that you made her a jock but also a debate kid i think thats the funniest combo. also like the whole trying to remain unchanging/constant like the "if it aint broke dont fix it" mentality but then it DOES break and DANI breaks so then she HAS to change to fix it and. arhghghgh

- felicite!!!!! dude. ok the implications of her being the symbol of chance and the fact that the symbol of chance even exists at all is so crazy to me because like yeah. sometimes it truly is Like That. sometimes things are so out of your control and you can do nothing to stop it its just pure fucking luck and fate and the univesre shifting and ohhhhh god. i am so !!!! amped abt her and skull/fibula btw

- YOOO nefise and dani. idk if youve watched jjk but they are So satosugu coded i will elaborate if youd like but this is rlly long already i might have to take this to disc

- tesni and delshad WILL drive me insane. the absolute vulnerability and horrors of being so deeply known........ ugh

- said this already but. felicite and skull chance and death like broooo the fact that something so horrible something that takes so much from ppl is so closely tied to the concept of randomness and the unknwon. driving me insane

ANYWAYSSS thats like all of it um. yes i have thoughts! anyways

HIIII okay i finally got on desktop it took me a little bit we have been going everywhere. traveling is enjoyable sometimes but also...not always lmao BUT ANYWAY ILY AUGH i've been thinking abt this since last night. HELP all lighthearted but i do not think u ever said anything!! only the discord interaction i have been waiting ever since and boy oh boy.... the personal connection to every single one of them and the way u pointed them out immediately.

YEAH nefise is kind of just Like That. it came with the territory (being the asian character i project on forever) and also like..... the turning evil bit is everything to me bc the way she regrets none of it when she thinks about it from a distance but all it took was the sliver of hesitation, the flicker of exhaustion from constantly throwing herself at every problem, to simply take her down completely and have the team lose her. Yeah

dani my beloved... he was the original knight concept too. upon seeing this i HAD to draw him being a miserable fucker (<- phone battery ran out i will send these once i can grab some pictures!!) *jeopardy voice* what is burning out from the expectation to lead your world to the future despite having none of what you're supposed to be giving

YEAHHHH YOU GET IT. the. knowing that you're not broken and that this is just you but then the people you love make it feel like you shouldn't be the way that you are, that you need to change? forever experience. and while it continues to hurt and i don't think we can escape it i think good friends are a good remedy for the pain... and also ur so right they need a turtle so bad

and AHAHAHA tesni wahoo loser overachiever asian parents' favorite child (good at everything) and also biggest problem (anger issues) of all time. also love the family drama aspect like Yeah ofc she's going to have to change and yield and give ground. she has a sibling to take care of damn it

FELICITE AND FIBULA AOUGH.... this is so funny bc i literally had no clue what she was going to be but then chance sounded good. and then i was like Oh. the Implications of this are horrific. additionally yeah i think abt it all the time.... i've been following this comic series on instagram abt the grim reaper being a kind guy bc he's the messenger, not the one who controls any of it, and like... ouch, you know? the fact that it is unfair and horrible and there is no good timing about it. that sometimes it lines up just in time for a hilarious pun. death and chance being intertwined in the most cosmically random ways but in ways that absolutely make sense.

I STILL HAVEN'T the urge to ask vs the urge to wait until i've gotten to it vs the knowledge i will Not be doing that any time soon and. i should probably ask. pls tell me more in disc i would love to hear

tesni and delshad will kill me btw. that's like. going to suck. i'm gonna be so emotions about it bc it is not something i have yet delved into but i think abt it all the time. even more family drama. all of them scrambling to adjust to some of the most awful news one can never take back. grahh or whatever

anyway. i love this i love u i am SOOO happy you sent this!!!!! i am always so ecstatic to talk about the kids they are so beloved to me fr <333

[scabbardsystem]

Plural Asking 100 Questions: Part 7!

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9

61. When did you first discover your System? we're still pretty new to this! we celebrated our 3 month syscovery anniversary just last week! :D (we gotta celebrate the little things, gang, it gives us something to look forward to hkjhg :])

62. How many Members did you know about during your Syscovery? maybe about 19 out of the current 25, more or less? we know jaded and mom came later, at least, and it took us a little to consider core as an actual member. fun fact, Distance was actually part of the original line-up, then (fittingly ->) convinced us Distance didn't exist and removed herself from the fucking list hkjgh like!! i know that's your job but STOP PRETENDING YOU DON'T EXIST HKGJH

63. Was accepting your Plurality a challenge for you? LMAO BUDDY IT STILL IS!! i don't want to jinx it, but i think Harlowe might be coming around? though she definitely still uh. causes the occasional turmoil, she hasn't been as adamant these days. then again, she usually only brings it up in the mornings, and our sleep schedule got re-fucked up so we're usually not awake around that time hkjhg ough we'll see. in the meantime, we've mostly come around to it?

64. How did you learn about Plurality? we've had several system friends before, so we learned a lot of terminology and acceptance from them!! though we think a lot of them were anti-endo so... wishing them well, nevertheless?? hkjhg but we first learned about plurality in 2016 maybe?

65. Where there any signs of your Plurality, if you look back at your past? we've always preferred using we and we tend to think in dialogue! we liked giving ourselves different names and chatting like we do in bullet points (when we were young, we made like, several sonas who all talked to each other to work through our problems hkjhg and then we watched sander s!des and made personal ones for that too. goddamn we sure were comfortable with breaking ourselves into different facets hkjh) also lmao look at this shit:

^ what the fuck bro hkjhg NO SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK BRO HKJHG??? my god we can't even comment on this, like hjkghgk

66. Do you think your Syscovery changed a lot in your life? outwardly, no, since we're still singlet-sona-ing it up in almost all other aspects of our life. but inwardly, its changed a lot about how we think. we chatter a lot more than we used to hkjgh it gets really loud in here. ([personally, it means i need to be stricter on the secrets we keep.] - 🌫️)

67. If you're out to others as plural, have they ever told you later on that they already thought about it before you realized? we're not out to many people as plural, and we have no idea if they thought we were plural before :P

68. What was the biggest struggle during your Syscovery? lmao HEAVY denial, from MANY of us, not even just harlowe. maestro has this whole lack of control thing ("i actually always think like this. all of these thoughts are mine and i'm in perfect control of all of them, so we can't be plural") that still isn't fully resolved. someone thought it felt too much like fiction? like roleplaying with ourselves, controlling characters.

oh lmao we're looking back at our doc we made when we were questioning and it is just a lot of floundering hkjhg we were just. so very unsure of ourselves for a while. but! we got through it! still getting through it hkjghg

69. Was there any big event that led to your Syscovery? lmao 69 nice, anyway, two big ones: 1) we read A Cracked Foundation by UnstableAnatomy which completely changed our brain chemistry lmao. like. kim in denial that he has skills. this will surely say nothing about us hkjgh it kinda set the foundation (heh) before: 2) we tried to make personal disco skills. and by trying to figure out "different parts of my personality to make into skills" we accidentally identified ourselves and gave ourselves names and solidified our presence. whoops, plural time babey!

70. What is something you want questioning plurals to know? WE LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE SO COOL AND EVERYONE'S EXPERIENCES ARE DIFFERENT!! just because you don't fit into the descriptions that everyone says about plurality doesn't mean you're not plural! we're a blurry monoconscious median system with no specific host and a very hazy headspace and we all like talking together because we're hard to separate distinctly! AND WE'RE STILL PLURAL!! a lot of our experiences are rarer in the community, and going into this we thought we weren't valid! BUT WE ARE!! AND SO ARE YOU, no matter how different your experiences may be from the norm, because everyone has their own unique situations!! please take your time figuring it out, you've got time! YOU ARE COOL, YOU ARE LOVED, IF YOU FEEL LIKE PLURALITY FITS YOU, THEN GO FOR IT!!!

[aster-wright-writes]

Find five lines

Thanks to @museandquill (I don't know how to link posts; I'm sorry)

Rules: post five lines that match the given prompts, then change one prompt for the next people.

(All of these are from the same book since it's the current thing I'm hyper-focused on; it's also still a first draft, lol.)

A LINE THAT IS SHOUTED

From: The Bone Tree trilogy book one (Elwin"s POV)

"you sent assassins after me?" I say, the anger boiling up through my body; I try to keep control; this is the king; I can not yell at the king. "I knew you would survive." he tries to explain himself, but it only makes me even more angry. "the traveling rulers needed to know that our kingdom was strong, that we had a powerful person by our side," he says something again, but I cannot hear what it is nor can I bring myself to care. "YOU TRIED TO KILL ME AS A DESPLAY OF PHYSICAL STRENGTH?" the acusation fires out of my mouth, I cant stop it... I don't want to stop it.

A LINE THAT INCLUDES A LIE

From: The Bone Tree Trilogy book one (Elwin's POV)

“Hey, what's wrong?” he asks with a look of worry.

“It’s nothing, Blake. Don’t worry about it.” Blake looks at Elwin, suddenly annoyed.

 “My love and my Lord, what is the one thing I made you swear by the grace of your late father when we began to court each other?” Elwin sighed.

“To always be honest with you no matter what it is.” Blake smiles and turns to look at him.

“That is right, my love. All we have is our truths and without that we are nothing, so tell me what is bothering you. You did agree to always be honest with me, that promise still holds true does it not?” Elwin turned to face him, finally meeting his eyes.

“Yes, it does still hold true.”

A LINE ABOUT FRIENDSHIP/ROMANCE

from: the Bone Tree Trilogy book 1

The two burst into laughter and ran to each other smiling. Elwin jumps into Blake's open arms and the two kiss as they fall onto the soft ground below them. As they embrace Elwin lets go and stares at him with adoration in his eyes. Blake laughs as the two move to the shade of a nearby tree “What are you looking at?” 

“My favorite person.”

A LINE ABOUT A DRINK

from: the Bone Tree Trilogy book 1 (Elwin's POV)

Elwin smiled at the news. “Good thing there's lots of wine available for this party. I know Konrad has trouble playing his best when he’s of sound mind.” everyone laughed, Konrad most of all; he sheepishly rubbed a hand through his dark hair. “Well, if I remember correctly, your grace, you are quite the terrible dancer unless you have some drinks of your own.” the tall and handsome man fired back quickly. “Then maybe we both should try to keep the drinks flowing tonight.”

A LINE ABOUT A VEHICLE

from: the Bone Tree Trilogy book 1 (Elwin's POV)

The carriage rode smoothly along the road to the castle. The curtains had been drawn so no one could see inside. Elwin nervously adjusted the broach he was wearing. While he did look remarkably like his dear sister, he was terrified of getting her mannerisms wrong. As he gripped the seat, flowers began to bloom where his hands were. He pulled his hands away, frightened, wondering if they would give him away as an imposter. e tried to calm himself and think this through; his sister was his best friend, and this wasn't the first time he had tried to disguise himself as her to trick the castle staff. He just had to be good enough to fool them; he just had to be good enough to fool the high king.

your lines: A line that is shouted, a line that includes a lie, a sad line, a line said to a family member, a line said to a villain or antagonist

tagging @lo-p-art @ough-me-bones @sparklecatworld @davycoquette @possibly-in-wonderland

[ash-and-starlight]

hey! i was wondering if you have any songs you relate to the avatar characters (i'm currently making zuko, azula and sokka playlists and I want to see if anyone has any recs!)

thank uu

this ask Plagued me and all the answers will feel monumentally stupid as soon as i post lmao but i’ll try

(side note i find assigning songs to blorbos sooo difficult because lyrics, vibes & music all have to align and finding the perfect fit is nearly impossible)

putting them beneath the cut bc the post got long and i didn’t want to be annoying fjhddj

azula - 1) arsonist lullaby by Hozier, this one is self explanatory (and i guess it could fit for zuko too?) but all the lyrics feel so azulacore to me. 2) you’re gonna go far kid by the offspring -> “with a thousand lies and a good disguise / hit ‘em right between the eyes” “when you walk away, nothing more to say / see the lightning in your eyes / see them running for their lives” excellent upbeat songs to conquer ba sing se to and 3) crying lightning by the Arctic Monkeys, i wouldn’t say this one is a perfect fit but “with folded arms you occupied the bench like toothache / stood and puffed your chest out like you never lost a war” yeAH.

zuko - 1) born on my own by Emigrate, -> “break down the walls / that keep us all / flames in waves / so beautiful / holding some / up in my soul / i am in control / born on my own” peak zuko to me and 2) giving you three songs at the price of one because all the three Unforgiven by metallica could be zuko angst moment: banished edition jams like “new blood joins this earth / and quickly he’s subdued / through constant pained disgrace/ the young boy learns their rules”, like “lay beside me, tell me what i’ve done / the door is closed so are your eyes / but now i see the sun” LIKE “was he the one causing pain / with his careless dreaming? / been afraid / always afraid /of the things he’s feeling ” go off emo boy

sokka - okay these are mostly vibes but idk my heart says they’re sokka songs if you get it you get it 1) thinking of a place by the war on drugs “i’m moving through the dark / of a long black night / just moving with the moon / and the light it shines” and ALSO an ocean in between the waves by the same band and 2) sjamboska by the gang of youths -> “ in the thick of my heart / by the skin of my teeth / until i’m forgotten / and covered in weeds / and my withering soul is in the sea / i will hold on to you / hold on to me” oUGH okAY! He’s carrying that weight!!

[danidoesathing]

you make a great point on how yaldy's relationship / the fact akira killed someone he knew for months is never elaborated on. man the amount of malice that must've been in that bullet... ough. i really dont think he'd have an easy time trusting any sort of god or high authority figure after that. (not that it was in the first place.) this might also make his awakening to satanael kind of.... complicated, but given that they're his other self i think he'd be open to trying to trust them. (1/2)

(2/2) i agree so hard with your last point. i absolutely see satanael as being protective of akira for a multitude of reasons, like the 'pure being' one you mentioned. i think he'd probably see something of himself in akira? either empathizing with how he's been cast out and then had all this bullshit happen, or feeling alike in rebellious spirit. maybe a connection through the fact that they're both good "people" but also still willing to play dirty and be selfish. prolly all of the above ahaha

YEAH another things that wasn't super elaborated on is Yaldabaoth's and Akira's relationship. They had a fucking confidant and it's treated like it's nothing in the end. Akira had bonded with him through the confidant, even if Yaldy was lying, which meant that Yaldabaoth must have had SOME positive feelings for Akira. I've always imagined it similar to that of Satanael (woohoo parallels) in that Yaldy believes that humanity is worthless and greedy and selfish, and that in order to save them he has to rule over them. But then theres Akira, the exact opposite of what he believed humanity to be, and spent months guiding him (in his eyes, as it was most sabotage and cryptic hypocrisy on Akira's end). He even offers Akira a place in his new world, which like....holy shit why does no one ever talk about the fact that Yaldabaoth offered Akira his ideal world (together with his friends helping people). That indicates that Yaldy has some bit of care for Akira. I've always thought that Yaldabaoth does actually care about Akira, in a fucked up, controlling "oh you poor misguided soul I, your merciful and wonderful god, will protect you" type of way, but he does have some care for him. Yaldabaoth might even seen Akira turning down his offer as a betrayal against him (which. isn't fair in the least bit but by know we all know Yaldy is anything but fair). And on Akira's side, it's just another authority figure that was supposed to protect him use and throw him away when he rebels. Anger is a huge driving factor in his actions and awakening and another betrayal by those in power amplified that to a biblical scale, which was likely another aspect that drew Satanael to him. I really wish the Fool confidant was more in depth and not the same shit looped over and over. Imagine if we actually got to build a bond with Yaldabaoth (I've the idea of Yaldy using random people to interact with Akira mixed with Igor's stuff, which at first could be seen as the Fool being Tokyo at large.) imagine being able to build a bond with the villain of the story, creating a complex dynamic of an unhealthy bond and make the ending scene having some really strong emotional weight

I've got more for Satanael because he lives in my head rent free. a lot of this is also based on how I think ultimates work. I personally think that God personas are still their godly selves, but (to an extent) share a soul with their masters. The whole contract thing makes me think of legitimately making a contract with a higher being. (Maybe it's a fusion type thing where the God's fuse with your persona? I'm still not entirely sure). So I think in a metaphorical and literal way, Satanael does see himself in Akira. They both hold this parallel of being cast out, rebelling against God and destroying Eden (both the world Yaldy wanted and the one Maruki wanted, but with Maruki its more of a literal parallel). Akira is the Trickster of rebellion, and has the kindness and perceived purity that Satanael lacks. He sees how much Akira has gone through and wants to preserve those qualities because he sees the world (and humanity as a whole) as an awful corrupt thing that would only hurt him more. He's an example of what little good there is in the world and Satanael is more than ready to fight it for him. difference between him and Yaldy's idea of protection is that Satanael actually respects Akira's free will and desire not to burn the world down.

I've also got this concept in my head that Satanael and Akira have this "You can't trust anyone but yourself" idea. Like Akira has some MAJOR trust issues in general with both authority and people around them, even people he deeply cares about and feels a connection to (see: Goro and Maruki). He doesn't really trust his friends with his problems (especially after the interrogation room, that whole post scene is just YIKES but even without that there's the whole "I need to be a strong unshakable leader they think I am" and the WHOLE song of beneath the mask) and it's....not really healthy but once Satanael actually came to Akira they both sort of clung to each other because now Satanael has someone who understands and cares about him and Akira can actually share his issues and fears with someone without the fear of it being used against him or being perceived as weak or less than. They believe that they can only really rely on themselves, as they as are each other, Satanael and Akira rely on each other in a way he won't with with anyone else.

[jessepinkmanbf]

-> BCS PART 2 PREMIER LIVEBLOG NOTES

obviously, spoilers below the cut. these are just first impressions to things as they happen.. but always feel free to ask me to elaborate on my thoughts ^^;

THE OPENING SHOT... I DON'T LIKE THAT LOAFER BEING PUSHED AROUND LIKE THAT 😰😰😰

RIP Mister Hamlin, you'll be missed(?)

Real talk... it's a good but sad set up. Especially considering the angle Howard was shot at? Fairly easy to rule as a suicide, I'd imagine. The wallet and wedding ring help. Only thing that tips off my forensic brain is that if they didn't leave him in the car, then they tossed him to the ocean. Which is plausible but you'd have to wade out pretty far for the current to grab you (I think, anyway).

The bloody candle... the somber music.... Ough I have chills.

Psychology note here, Lalo is good with conflict (clearly). Him commanding attention and giving clear directives is a good step in crisis management. Of course, the gun and dead body helps convince Saul and Kim to follow said directives. Only criticism is giving too many steps at once, but that's him maintaining control versus letting them get any one-ups by intervening.

UHM... JIMMY??? HE MAKES POINTS BUT HOLY SHIT THE WAY HE SO QUICKLY THREW HER UNDER THE BUS.

Poor Kim... I wanna hug her....

I get it. I do. I wouldn't leave my partner alone with Lalo either, but jesus Jimmy. He better explain this when he gets the chance >:(

Ou shit Jimmy's about to learn Nacho is dead isn't he? I have the feeling he is.

Oh Jimmy you fool, now you're forced to stare at your dead former boss. You fool.

I'm so worried for Kim holy shit the thought of her actually killing someone has me fucked up. Fucked up, your honor!

WAIT A MINUTE HOLY SHIT THAT'S GUS' HOUSE????? KIM NO KIM BABY NO KIMMMMMMBERLY WEXLER DO NOT DO IT. ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION—

MIKE GRABBED HER HE KNEW. HE FUCKIN' KNEW!!!

I'm so glad Mike grabbed her but oh my god her panic 😭😭 She's right tho this wouldn't have happened if Gus didn't divert security. I know he had to bc it was either them or his family but... Ouch.

Terrifying knowing Lalo is on location though... He's too smart to have stayed... Very terrified to see wtf he's doing (re: infiltrating the damn place).

This has been the most stressful 30 minutes of my life holy shit lmao.

Gus talking to Kim... Kim being honest... 😰😭

" My husband talked him out of it. He didn't want me to be there. "

" He... talked Lalo out of it? "

That interaction will be burned in my mind forever now thanks.

Gus... Gus he told you to stay home and safe 😮‍💨 This is why we can't have nice things.

OH MY GOD THEY'RE FUCKIN' DEAD—

OH MY FUCKIN' GOD MIKE KNOWS. AGAIN. AND LOOK. LOOK AT THE PICKLE YOU'VE WALKED INTO GUS.

Vloglo (vlogger lalo) makes a return

OKAYYY DAMN listen I know the vest is there but if he wasn't wearing one then Lalp wouldn't have gotten a tour to begin with.

Surprise! It's dirt :D

This is fr how we know Lalo dies at some point because if he didn't there is no way Gus would have finished the construction of the lab into BRBA. It would have been compromised.

Still a believer of the Lalo is buried under the superlab theory

HOOOOOOO Okay Gus I see you with that roast! Didn't know we were having pulled pork for dinner 😂

LALO'S FACE SKJDKD JUST :>

👁👄👁 Gus what did you do... What are we looking at—

THAT'S WHAT WE'RE LOOKING AT OKAYYY CUT THAT POWER LEAVE HIM IN THE DARK!!

BUT DID HE DIE??? IS HE DEAD??

OH MY FUCKIN GOD HE'S FUCKING DEAD—

... Lalo buried under the superlab theory confirmed I GUESS 😧😧😧

Let him run Los Pollos Hermanos or else 😤

Lyle is my only comfort right now he's so naïve and kind.

Kim... 😭💕

" I'm assuming stainless will do " MIKE NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES...

This explains why the dumping of Howard's body was so good at least. It was Mike's cleanup crew.

Aw man Kim is so traumatized... I recognize a good 1000 mile stare any day. The fact she just has to suck it up and go through her day like nothing happened... Jimmy was able to do that but FUCK. You can even hear it in Kim's voice... 😥😥

OHHH... No body for the police to discover!! That makes much more sense. Mike is so smart fr.

I'm not okay I need to sleep for 3 million years after this.

[thisonesforfanfic]

Light in the Dark (2/?)

Bucky x Reader

Author’s Note: I’m new at this, I do not know which warnings to put in, please help if you think I need to do so 

Summary: Steve finally comes back to camp, along with your brother and Bucky. He shamelessly flirts with you,and as you try to brush him off, you challenge Bucky to help you on the medic tent

Word count: 2.9k

It has been two days since you met Captain America, you were starting to get sick to your stomach just at the thought of not seeing him again. It's not like you wanted to be with him or anything, he was kind and sweet, but also your last hope of seeing Y/B/N alive again.

You had seen that british lady Peggy yesterday, and she didn't sound exactly hopeful

"There is not much we can do now miss Y/L/N, I am confident he made it in, but given the amount of shots that hit our plane and the time passing, I am certain he was and I will be in a lot of trouble"

You could tell she liked him, and it saddened you to see her have to deal with this in such a cold way, but you were in no state of mind to help anyone in anyway right now.

You hadn't really slept in the past 48 hours. You piled boxes, changed patches, kept reorganizing all the cabinets, folding sheets, running to the entrance of the camp every now and then when you thought you heard any commotion. Your uniform was the only thing looking okay at that moment, puffy eyes, your hair pulled back on the same messy braid you made two days ago. You were a mess.

When the sun started to shine, you thought you heard yet another commotion and started to curse yourself and your stupid hopes for making you hallucinate. It you took a few seconds to notice that, this time, you were not imagining things, curious eyes and ears were all going to the front of the camp.

You thought you were hallucinating again, an even stronger one this time, but it honestly didn't matter, you started running with everything you still had in you, tears of hope and desperationdripping down your face, pushing your way through the crowd, as you finally got to the gate and saw them. You saw Y/B/N's eyes widening as you screamed his name.

"Y/N?" he couldn't think straight as you jumped onto his arms, tears of joy and relief streaming down both of your faces "wha- why are you here? how long have you been here?" he was a little disoriented, trying to look at you but you didn't want to let go of his embrace

"It doesn't matter, I'm with you now, I knew he would bring you back!" You pulled away only to hug the blond tall figure standing right next to you "I knew you would save him, thank you so much Steve!" Your cheeks were even hurting for smiling so hard, so many good feelings sorrounding you at that moment, you didn't even noticed the whole convoy of men behind them, stoping for a second to admire the tender reencounter, imagining their wives, lovers or sisters, others just admiring the lightness of the moment after all they had suffered.

When you pulled away to once again look at your brother, not being able to hold back your smile, he put his arms around you and you hugged his waist as close as you possibly could. As everyone started walking into camp again, you heard a playful voice on Steve's side

"Well, I also want a hug like that doll". You looked over to a blue eyed man, who opened his arms playfully to you with a wink.

That was a playboy if you ever saw one. Hitting on nurses and medics was common on the conditions they were, but damn, the man hadn't even passed the gate after being held captive for God knows how long and he was already flirting.

Thankfully, your job there made you quick on your feet

"Your friend over here just saved my brother and apparently all these men's lives" you said while pointing in all direections "so I'd say the stakes are pretty high for you to get yours" you smirked back, he let his arms down and raised his eyebrows looking at steve, quite impressed at your response.

"When you figure out your grand act, I will be at the medic ward waiting for you, doll " you sent a wink to him making your brother and Steve almost trip while laughing.

"I'll see you soon then" He took it as a challenge, and you were intrigued by the grin he sent your way.

After all the commotion and praising, you had to go back to tend the wounded they brought back, they really did put up a fight while getting out, you had a very long day ahead of you.

It was a very busy morning, you didn't stop even for a second, the first couple of hours were pretty easy, you were taken by the adrenaline of seeing Y/B/N again, and having him help you out was a bliss. He wasn't exactly a doctor but he could do the basic 'clean then cover' on more artificial wounds. Altough there were quite a few nurses, all help was welcome in days like these when there were just too many wounded.

As the sun peaked, the restlessness of last night started to kick in, and you went to rest for the afternoon, after working for almost a day straight (aside from all the other emotions of course) you didn't trust yourself to help anyone else for at least a couple of hours. Some of the other nurses seemed mad about it, but Megan stood up for you and said she'd cover for you if need be.

----

It was already dark when you were woken up by Megan.

"Hey love, sorry to wake you" she stroke your shoulder while sitting by your side "your brother left a couple of hours ago, and I really need a break.... Things have quieted down, but you know, tonight's shift was yours and we can't leave them unattended"

"Thanks for letting me sleep so much" you yawned and got up and quickly got dressed. Stepping into the room you went around checking every soldier's vitals and bandages, making small talk to check if they were consious, though, most had already fallen asleep, as you got to the last couple of beds, you spotted a pretty decent man, no big wounds or cuts, just a smirk and drawing blue eyes, staring at you as you approached.

"So, what was it mr. Soldier?" you smirked while checking his heartbeat "Did you figure out your heroic act or got hurt trying?

"Honestly doll," he pressed his hand on his heart "I feel like it is being pulled out in pieces" You giggled ate his terrible acting "Ough, there goes another one" He closed his eyes pretending to feel even more pain

"I am afraid that this is not my specialty mr.-" He stopped you from going back to the other soldiers by grabbing your wrist.

"Call me Bucky" gently pulling you to him "please, it really hurts" He smiled as you got closer to him, unexpectedly grabbing and reading his dog tag. James Buchanan Barnes

"Alright mr. Barnes" You pulled away with a smile "If you want me to fix you, you'll have to help me fix all these men" you pointed to the other beds, he seemed a little unsatisfied with your proposition "But you can start by brewing some coffee for us" you said winking and pointing to a tiny box, at the corner of the room where you kept your share of 'contraband', then, lending him a hand to get up from the bed.

"I think this will qualify as more than just a heroic act" he looked around at the beds before grabbing your hand and pulling you in for an embrace, you quickly went through under his arm, making him twirl and look at you in disbilief.

"First the task, then the reward, doll" you both chuckled as you started to tend the sleeping soldiers.

---

While the time passed, you noticed Bucky wasn't the most skilled while taking care of the wounds, but he was actually trying hard and watching your every move to make everything right, and after a while, you had not nothing to do but stay alert.

Bucky was washing his hands when you came from behind him and to his surprise, actually hugged him. Feeling his heart as you put your hands on his chest, you whispered "Thank you James"

"This isn't fair!" he took your hands on his, making you open your arms and give him some space "This is the kind of reward I wanted" pulling you to his warm chest, resting his head next to yours, the warm breath on your right ear made you shiver, making him feel more confident, as if he gained control over the quick-witted girl, slowly getting his face in front of yours, staring at your Y/E/C eyes as you stared at his blue ones. "And I said, you can call me Bucky" he leaned in closer.

You pulled away before his mouth could get to yours, snapping out of the trance.

"Okay, now that I've drank that much coffee, I doubt I will sleep any moment soon" Bucky sat at one of the empty beds, brushing off the fact you just rejected those soft parted lips. He invited you to sit next to him with a hand gesture "What do we do now?"

"I still have to be awake and ready for any inconviniences, but I suppose you earned the right to access a very special stash" he raised his eyebrows as you went to the corner of the room and grabbed another lightwood box and brought it to him, he chuckled as you opened the smuggled liquor.

"So you carry around a knife and smuggle drinks" Bucky said on a scoffing tone while analyzing one of the bottles "Are you undercover trying to destroy us from the inside?" he grimaced.

"These are some of the perks of owning a bar back home" you chuckled, putting the box down "Heroic acts deserve recognition, and so do bad ones" you tapped on the knife Steve had given back to you earlier, with a proud grin.

"You and Y/B/N must have really proud parents, a soldier and a beautiful strong nurse for children" He noticed you felt bothered by his words, leting your head down, while still trying to keep a smile on "Did I say somenthing wrong? I am sorry doll, I didn't mean to offend you" he quickly got up and put his hand on your face, holding your head up, making you look at him, worry filling his piercing blue eyes as he tried to understand his mistake.

"Don't worry about it James, it's just... I miss them, that's all, I wish they could see me and Y/B/N now" He put his arms around you, feeling guilty from bringing up such a delicate subject.

"Please forgive me doll, I had no clue" He squeezed you thight before stepping back to look at you, his arms still around your waist.

"It's usually okay to talk about them, but it's just been a very emotional day" you shrugged and tried to laugh to lighten the mood. "Plus, you already did your good deeds today, you don't need to listen to some boring old stories". The man was just hitting on you a couple hours ago, you'd love to spend your time talking about your family, but you also didn't want to be a burden to anyone, specially on these circunstances.

"As I said, I don't think I will be sleeping any time soon" Bucky sat down, waiting for you to take your place beside him, when you did, he put his arms around you, gently stroking your arm then continued "So, what is the story behind you doll?"

You started to tell him about your mom, how she was the one who inspired you to be where you were. She was a healer, and she sacrificed herself so your father could escape with you and your brother to the US, one of the few things you still had from hers were her notebooks, filled with medicine recipes and bandages techniques.

Your father, on the other hand, was a preacher, but when you moved he changed his purpose, helping people outside of the church. Supporting soldiers who came home from the first great war, as well as the families of those who didn't. Funny enough, he also had a bar to cover the expenses. Your parents' actions inspired you and your brother to dedicate yourselves to the country that welcomed you.

After a while, you and Bucky were just laughing, telling jokes and making fun of eachother's stories. You were so tired though, you felt the weight of your eyelids like never before, you tried to stand, but Bucky held you close.

"Don't worry, I'm awake, you can rest for a bit" you smiled and quickly fell asleep on his shoulder while listening to his smooth voice, humming a sweet melody.

Bucky thought you looked so peaceful, he didn't dare to move. Such a beautiful, funny and sweet girl, sorrounded by pain and chaos, still managing to keep it together.

"Sleep tight doll" he whispered, trying not to startle you" I'll keep watch". Little did he know, at that moment, his heart was already done for.

-----

The following week was exhilarating, you'd meet your brother, Steve and Bucky before they had to complete their duties, always trying to cheer them up with some funny story, especially when they had to go to the field. After that you'd take the first shifts in the tent, and sometimes check with miss Peggy on the status of the batallion's missions. When the soldiers would get back, you usually had dinner with them, Steve and Y/B/N would usually go to their tent right after, but Bucky always had an excuse to get your attention afterwards: a small cut, a bruise, a slight burn.

You realized pretty quickly he was just trying to spend some time together, so you decided to stargaze with him (instead of bothering the night shift's nurse) as you talked about what you wanted to do when the war was done. It was the moment you most lunged for in your day, his arms innocently wrapped around you as you both layed on the back of an unloaded truck.

It all went by with the blink of an eye though, before you knew it, the time for your break came around. You were relieved to be able to escape for a while, but at the same time you didn't want to go, it was not only your brother that made the departure hard, but also the couple of friends you made.

Steve was one of the sweetest people you'd ever met, always checking in on you, offering a hand and a smile. And then there was James... oh, Bucky, always hitting on you, as if he lunged for your teases in the same way you lunged for his blued-eyed glances and flirts.

You caught yourself staring at him while the three boys were telling you about their newly formed batallion, meant to take down Hydra. Bucky playfully sent a a wink your way before you could turn to your brother,  getting you off guard and making your cheeks turn red.

"Careful Barnes, I've seen her punch a man's teeth out for less" your brother let out with a chuckle. "And you better not be getting any ideas" he looked at you with a grin

"And you better stay safe if you wanna start making threats" you pulled him in for a hug "Or I'll punch your teeth out next"

"Y/N..." You felt the pain at his voice, not wanting to let you go alone.

"You know Y/B/N, I take better care of dad's bar when you're not there to drink half of every bottle" trying to get a laugh out of him before you let go "So don't worry about me, I can take care of myself. It's you I worry about" you put your hand on his cheeks, looking in his eyes "come home to me" he nodded, and you went on to hug the super soldier, by his side.

"You too Steve, I better be pouring drinks for you all on the bar in a couple of weeks" you hugged him tight, whispering in his ear "please keep him safe"

"Of course I will, doll" it sounded so sweet and innocent when he called you that, when Steve said it was in a sort of platonic, protective way. "I wouldn't miss that drink for nothing"

The loud whistle were the sign for you to hurry, the tears you were holding back started to come through as Bucky took you in his arms.

"We're gonna be alright doll, the worst that will happen is how bad we'll miss you" he tried comforting you

"You better be there too, James" you put your hands on his cheeks and looked into his eyes "or I will come back here to punch your teeth out as well" he smiled at you, and maybe it was just your imagination, but you could swear you saw a tear fall from his eyes when he kissed your forehead before letting you go.

The third and final whistle blew as you gave him a peck on the cheek, grabbed your things and rushed towards the truck, not taking your eyes off the trio. Waving goodbye until they were completely out of sight.

#############

Thanks for reading! 

[pilotheather]

ep 5

- the way that "conversion plate" had a fucking GRIP on theories this past week... screaming and gagging and throwing up. i saw alternate dimension theories from it. all this that and the other my goodness me.

- yas in that waistcoat ohhhhhhhhhhh my goodness me teehee (fans self)

- yas ATTACKING IN THE WAISTCOAT WELL NOW MY GOODNESS ME........ GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME

- that man really did just kill himself on their floor. yaz really did say just chuck him overboard. girl..... girlll.

- my goodness me.

- girlie shes been there 3 years girlie OK- RIGHT NOW HANG ON WHY HAS THE BEST YAS AND 13 INTERACTION BEEN WHEN THEYRE NOT EVEN FUCINSRGBUOPJIBJOF. WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY. BUT ALSO MISERABLE. DO NOT SEPARATE THEM. YOU KEEP DOING IT.

- dan.......... mate.

- oh what the fuck are we getting answers

- ... aaaannddd the answers are BORING! RESPECTFULLY<3.

- like division is this ... well i guess.

- i dont know how to say this but like again this series HAS cracked down and its made some major improvements in terms of the show having a better pulse, better characters, and improvement on dialogue (though it could be better) and thats been immense for terms of enjoyment but NONTHELESS its jsut like....

- again chibnalls fuckin . i dont know. so much of it despite that still jsut doesnt work for me, my love. like "division controls everything"- like i just dont care, babe.... its like ur trying so hard to like think of something so big and momentuous and status quo shifting. like oh the universe has secretl- like quit it! stop it! (slaps your hands) bc its so HARD to pull tht shit off right and with this ... wargh. warhg.

- OH ARE SWEET BEL AND VINDER ABT TO REUNITE

- multiverses

- im throwing up sorry the conversion plate. fine sure

- also wait now. oh for gods sake

- so the principle of why i hated the timeless child wasnt even necessarily the whole "rewriting lore" - like i do not care ! i truly... its nothing to me, you know? im fine with that like im whatever girl. its the whole... insisting that the doctor is this important figure and shifting the axis of, like, HER. like insisting she's special and whatnot. the whole The Chosen One idea.... bc i dont like that. i dont like the doctor being that. and

- NOW insisting that- so the entire universe ... is ripping apart bc of her BEING BR. RIGHT . OKAY. WHATEVER GIRL.

- and so she's her. tecteun. ok. yeah.

- timeless children and whatnot.....

- unit.............................

- them baiting the grand serpent with the tardis . thats so fucking funny

- well uhm awks

- ough creacture.

- back to timeless child sigh

- i will say i love her fancy little hat. its rather fun.

- DI . SOMEONE WITH A GUN. GIRL.

- DIANA SAYS THEY DONT CALL ME DI BC ITS SHORT FOR DIANA FUCKING GETS YOU GETS YOU GETS YOU

- the general pacing now ive got a better gist of, the show... i dont know i feel like whats happened in THIS episode has now been rushed a lot

- and i think the sontaran episode... hm im now also so split on tht bc i did really love how it was its own thing and can stand on its own but also. it being like that has me like ehhhhhehhh. bc its like- that and the angels and even ep 3. like i dont know it feels so strange the parts they choose to spend so much time in then the parts they choose to condense. eh yknow

- FETCH YOUR HUMAN

- SCREAMING AND CRYING AND THROWING UP

- god this ood looks fucking good. my god they fucking made this ood look so fucking good. god yeah!

- big fancy house. dont know what it means. but all you girlies, deep into the lore are shaking in your boots when you see that crusty little house. good for you girls!

- UH HUH?

- THIS GIT?

- joseph williamson scooby doo gang in a corridoring his way through this fucking show

- GET HIS ASS

- RUDE OLD MAN IN THE TUNNELS. ISNT THAT WHAT WE ALL ASPIRE TO BE

- WOULD be proper funny if she found out she's been like 2 fucking people and one of them slipped on a bathmat after a self care sunday.

- EVERYONE LAUGH AT THE FACT WE ALL POINTED AT THE UNIT STUFF AND SAID "OH ITS COMING BACK" AND ITS A FLASHB- girl.... is he about to get kate because that will be very fucking funny.....

- kate.

- girl you're not going to get kate that easy... they'd be so mad

- help if they do though . GOD imagine.- OSGOOD NAME DROP. ALL THE LESBIANS GOING FUCKING BONKERS SOMEWHERE.

- HII BESTIENISTAAAAA HIII HIII LURV YOU- BEL DONT KILL THE BESTIE. BESTIE DONT KILL BEL.

- CHEEKY GIT AND CHEEKY MISS

- endless death sayss the rude little tunnels man .

- THE SONTARANS ARE BACK . HI. HELLO.

- RIGHT SO WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU THEN. COME ON SWARM AND AZURE. RIGHT O. DO SOMETHING FUN.

- swarm said i'll kill your fucking mommy issues so

- well what the dickens was all that