#oh shit we be kinning

[the-ragbros-are-okay]

i actually feel as though i am going insane bc i need to do TOMORROWS commissions to get the last story key for kaeya’s story quest because i was an IDIOT and and DIDNT

and now i feel like i’m full of BEES

PLUS. IM GOING ON A TRIP.TOMORROW

so i’m waking up early and doing my commissions and then a story quest bc i’ll be damned if i have to wait three more fucking days to see my favorite traumatized blue haired man

[ghost-van]

guys should we make sword a blog……… we know there’s like 3 swords already but she thinks it’d be fun & also we’re evil & see the event going on for that venomshank blog rn……………..

yea sure i’ll poll this why not

[hatterladz]

Rip to every system who was in the kin community talking to ur kinnie pals and then you watched them talk to their therapist about their kins and come back online like "um... guys.... I got diagnosed with DID/OSDD and um... What we've been doing isn't kinning"

[arcaneyouth]

honestly its so disheartening to regularly see shit like kinning or shifting or whatever theyre calling that get so shit on by most people, or to have the meaning change to something more tame and palatable for most people. i believe in that shit in a spiritual/religious kind of way. but unfortunately other people like me can be real fucking annoying about it in an easy to make fun of way so i probably shouldnt express that shit unless i want to be made fun of as well.

like even if they're being cringe about it and even if theyre not doing it for spiritual reasons like me maybe dont? make fun of them? for being cringe? and going "stupid idiot doesn't know its not real"?? yeah i dont think these people should be insisting this is scientific when its very much not but also like hey leave us alone maybe

[aceloha]

Revisiting old saved videos and remembering why marcy is my second highest kin

[starboundsingularities]

every so often i think about the fact that the aita i sent to blorbo aitas for elizabeth was more unanimously voted yta than the one that someone sent in for manfred von karma in which he admits to committing murder over something as petty as a record

[helpful-hardware]

sometimes i remember this site has a reputation for a reason. so many people just end up running with shit that is so incongruent with reality it just makes me baffled like

how do you even exist. why the fuck did you come to That specific conclusion about yourself like ?????

[teamisc]

I love denji soooo much if i was 14 I would kin him but I have like a job

[cosmocollector]

throws up bleggghhh

[evilminji]

Oh god :Dc a Danny Summons Contract

No you guys DON'T UNDERSTAND-!

Just. Danny! Only Danny! He fucked up. Some ancient Warring States Ninja fucked up. They BOTH agreed to NEVER talk about it again.

Cause like? That ninja? Was a GROWN ASS MAN. A qualified BAMF of the highest order. He WAS the Danger, thank you very much. So, he? Will NEVER live down being saved by...well...

*holds up wildly struggling, noodle limbed, sad wet raccoon havin a terrible day lookin, meat thresher on legs*

THIS.

It's a BABY. Honestly, his Clan's TODDLERS know how to throw better punch. This scrawny infant baby child is both? His new son. AND an embarrassing trainwreck in motion. FFS kid, that's not how you- No! NO! Don't you DARE bite that opponent! You don't know where they've B-!

Kid they could have BEEN POISONED!!! Spit um OUT! DROP UM! Drop that RIGHT NOW! What are you? A dead Inuzuka? A god forsaken Hatake!? DROP IT!!!

It...sure is An Adventure™.

One of many early "here's how you DON'T make a Summoning contract" experiments, that Clans without seal masters were attempting. He's honestly lucky HIS attempt ended with him still... you know... ALIVE. Problem, though? After bunking for like... a few months? A year? In the command center?

And you know, terrorizing the GIW into complete collapse. Parenting him through some pretty serious life changes. Somehow making Sam MORE terrifying. And a whole host of off screen ninja shenanigans? They figure out? Oh. Only way to send him HOME is to either accept or refuse a Contract.

They gotta make one.

First they head to Frostbite for a recommendation, then? Off to a reputable Ghost Lawyer they go! They have to camp in the waiting room for like... a week. But? Worth it! The contract is AMAZING. And terrifying! Protects them both. Can't be used against EITHER. And that loophole you're thinking off? Ten pages worth of point 4 script, twenty three yards down, for why it's a BAD IDEA and breaks contract~!

Neither of them can make the other do SHIT! Only fully consensual, mutually beneficial, ass kicking here! If we FEEL LIKE IT!

Ninja dad insisted. Never sign a contract with anything less then extreme paranoia, kid! Leave no "implied" or "spirit of the rules"! Loopholes are holes in your armor, with which your enemy stabs you in the back!

Danny, tearfully, sends ninja dad home.

Gross. Emotions all over his armor. If only there wasn't all this sand in his eyes, he'd definitely complain about it. *stoic ninja hug*

Danny? Become a king. One of many. An Ancient. Becomes FUCKING HUUUUUUUUGE. Like? "Aw, your city is so pwecious~☆ n smol~♡! Whats it called again? New York?" Huge. A fuckin LEVIATHAN made of void, stars, and space ice. A Winter corpse, marked by lightning, that became the night sky itself. With a crown of aurora borealis, ever shifting, like flame.

Proportional, in a way, to Summon Bosses. Just as a normal human is to a normal toad, a normal cat, a normal slug. So too, is Danny LARGER then them.

You know... when he feels like it.

The contract? Passes down. Ninja dad does warn his kin. Prooooobably not gonna answer you. He only answers ME cause I'm, well, ME.

Fuckin BET. They declare. And lose. Repeatedly.

Time marches on. The Senju and Uchiha has their Drama. Dear KAMI do they Have Their Drama. Please Stop, says everyone. They... do not. The contract? Fuckin STOLEN. Because of course it is.

It's a HUGE, glowing, death radiating Summons Contract kept in a shrine behind like... SO MANY seals. It makes anyone less then a full grown JOUNIN physically SICK to even touch! Prolonged exposure kills people! Of COURSE it gets fuckin stolen. It's obviously a super, mega, ultra rare AMAZEBALLS Summon Contract... right?

Eeeeeeeeeeeh *so-so hand motion* KINDA!

It IS technically that.

They ain't wrong. Cause Danny IS an Adult now. A King. Connected to the Zone. An ANCIENT. Beyond and Above his mortal origins, even as, by being a Halfa, he is utterly the same. That contract is as close as one could GET to having a contract with the Sage himself.

You know... if he answered you.

Felt like your petty bullshit was worth getting up off the couch for.

Not to MENTION? He can make clones! Like.... billions of them now. Has a skeleton army. Is kinda one of the stronger Ancients. But that's not the point. The POINT? Clones. Don't have to be EQUAL facets of self.

You CAN make a .00001% clone of yourself!

Behold *summons poof noise* Lil Baby Man!

The harbinger of Danny! Here to Test Your VIBEZ™. He sends them each time. To be an adorable menace. Cause problems on purpose. Be gremlins, chew on table legs, maybe. You know, the works! They RADIATE his " I Am Death." Energy. But also his "winter, protection, and starlight" vibes... if you're brave enough to LOOK.

If you don't flinch away from a spirit of the dead. Can embrace the chaotic nature of a Zone ghost. Are kind to something that isn't what you expected, that you can USE, that appears weaker then you. Something that seems dumb. Distractable. Useless in battle.

Can you be kind? Do you immediately give up? To recognize a test when you see one? Is your first impulse cruelty? Distain? It tells Danny a lot. Saves him time.

Which? Is how a young Itachi, freshly Jounin'd, gets thrown through an old and rotting wooden gate into what LOOKS like a vaguely demonic death shrine. Hmmm, concerning. Baby 'tachi has been separated from his teammates. Is having a Bad Time™. The crows can't really help much here.

And, well, that IS a Summoning contract...

He's outnumbered. Low on both weapons and Chakra. Refuses to do anything BUT return home to his family. His baby brother. Is it WISE? No. It is in fact, incredibly, incredibly UNWISE. He has no idea what he'll be agreeing too. But... so long as he live just a bit longer...

He slams an earth wall against the entrance.

Falls back to the Glowing Contract.

Stumbles, as even landing near it makes his insides revolt. His skin prickle and burn. Colder then the nine tails Chakra, emptier, yet somehow endlessly more ABSOLUTE.

It's like the very Chakra in his body screams against it. Rejects it's mere presence. As though all thing alive REFUSE it with desperation and fear. He has no time to muse upon this. It hurt his hand to touch. He does so anyway. Struggling to hold the earthwall against enemy attacks.

He doesn't bother to read the contract. Flings it from the pedestal, to unravel, so he may sign quickly. There. With a practiced motion, he nicks his finger, and scrawls his future away. Whatever demons may come. Whatever monsters this brings. Please... let him live long enough to say goodbye.

The world CRACKS as he summons.

Death and the Shinigami are not the same.

Even those without the ability to sense are battered by the tsunami of... not killing intent. No. There is no intent. No killing. Just... knowing. Heraldry. That Death comes for us all. You can not escape. Foolish and small, is this what you waste your existence on? Ants before a god. Dust before the heavens. He... he can not... breathe...

Frozen. Eyes wide. Sharigan spinning, spinning, spinning. Capturing the delicate lace of nothingness, absence of life, as it drifts by. Unable to move from where he kneels, bloody hand pressed to the ground, in a Summoning.

What Has He Done?

Outside there is panic. Screaming. They flee. He... he wishes he could flee. W...why can't he-? *THHHWAP!* Mmmmph?! Something small and almost bird shaped smacks into his face like a flung ration. Tiny arms spread wide to cling to his bangs and dangle. The deathy power fades... almost... almost as though it were... a threat display?

He focuses on the tiny creature whining and hugging his face. It... is a floating snake toddler? Or is it dragon? They have sharp little claws and stars along their face, a tiny whispy mane of white. Likely a dragon child then. They stick their small tounge out slightly, eyes the blankly trusting stare of small children everywhere.

He clearly want to be carried. Ah. Of course, little one.

Did... did he agree to raise a dragon?

Just?

Itachi, smol. Serious. With lil baby man floped on his head or tucked lovingly in his arms. The TEXTBOOK definition of "he don't bite" "YES HE DO!!!" For everyone but Itachi and Sasuke. To whom he is, of course, an INNOCENT BABY who has NEVER done anything wrong EVER. An angel! Why is everyone being so MEAN to poor innocent baby man? Boo hoo~!

It fucks up SO MANY plans.

Because Itachi. A smol child. INSISTS he is a Father now. What are you going to do? Say he can be? Why? Because he's a CHILD? Which is it? Is he a Jounin or a Dependant? An adult in the eyes of the law or a child to be protected by said law from pushing him off to war? Old enough to die, old enough to parent his dragon son!

And SORRY Father, he CANT join Anbu. Who would be there for his child? Ah, he should join a parenting group. *various competent parent instincts go haywire over this tiny Uchiha child in need of parenting* Danzo? For some reason his son seems to really, REALLY hate him. Better avoid him. His child doesn't know yet not to bite respected elders.

Sasuke? Gets to be an UNCLE! To a DRAGON! He takes his job very seriously.

It's the best PR the clan has ever had.

@hdgnj @babbling-babull @hypewinter @nerdpoe @the-witchhunter @legitimatesatanspawn @lolottes @mutable-manifestation

[rachetmath]

Family

Ruby: F*** you!

Raven: F*** you!

Yang: F*** you!!

Raven: F*** you!!

Qrow: F*** you!!!

Jaune: Why are they screaming at each other?

Nora: I don’t know. Probably, because Raven abandoned them and is the worst mother ever.

Jaune: Isn’t that your mom then?

Nora: F*** you.

Jaune: Yep. Anyways… Yo!

RYBB: WHAT?!!!

Jaune: Can’t you all talk about this? You know like a family.

RYBB: f-

Jaune: Try me. Try me and see what happens. Understand, you all can be or are on my shit list. I already have my issues with my family. I already talked to Winter about hers. I will humble all of you. 

Raven: Look kid this has-

Jaune: It’s crazy how you know about family but abandoned your kin for a bunch of strangers.

Raven: … 

Jaune: It’s crazy how you’re your daughter's biggest stalker but just like one you can barely have a conversation with her.  And attempt to take her life the moment your views differ from one another.

Raven: … 

Jaune: It’s crazy how you risked your tribe, only to give the relic to your daughter, probably the only present you’ll ever give her out the years of her life. And what’s insane is you did all that because you didn’t want to deal with Salem even though she held your tribe hostage. Speaking of your tribe where are they now?

Raven: *silent*

Jaune: Sit you no leadership, die-hard shogun ass down.

Raven: *sit down*

Qrow: Well damn kid-

Jaune: Bitch I’m older than you now but even before that I was more man than you.

Qrow: Now hold-

Jaune: I will admit you showed up when Tyrian came. However, you want to know why I was pissed and made those assumptions?

Qrow: I mean I saved Ruby and your lives.

Jaune: Yeah. You were watching us from a distance. Good. But you were late. Which means when you were late we encountered Grimm. Now what could cause that?

Qrow: Um…

Jaune: You were drunk.

Qrow: Well-

Jaune: Back to the journey to Mistral and after you could have been more useful in almost every event.

Qrow: Woah kid I was-

Jaune: Dude when you couldn’t find any hunters, you didn’t even bother trying to help any of us improve. When we were trapped in a room with Salem's allies and your sister, your first thought was to stand around, do nothing, and find out.

Qrow: Okay b-

Jaune: Raven kicked your ass. Hazel punched your back out. And the only one you were protecting was Oscar. What happened to Ruby and Yang being your nieces? Speaking of Oscar didn’t you punch him in the face and never apologize for it?

Qrow: That was for Ozpin.

Jaune: In Oscar’s body, don't try to defend this. Suppose a huntsman saw that, would you not be arrested?

Qrow: Okay now that I think about it-

Jaune: Oh, and when Oscar went missing what the f*** were you doing? Getting drunk, again.

Qrow: I was having a hard time.

Jaune: Screw you.

Qrow: Well at least I didn’t endanger my friends.

Jaune: At least I didn’t get one of my friends killed. Like with Clover. Which I will say, great job in letting Tyrian escape. It’s crazy how even sober you are still an idiot. Also, you’re a fraud. Qrow: Well I-

Jaune: Like now there is no comparing us, I’ve been through more shit than you will ever imagine. And I wasn’t given a choice. You were. And that’s misfortunate. Your nieces almost died a couple of times and you weren’t there to help them. I was. God I’m starting to realize why your team is a mess and why, Tai, hates you. You are both a downer and a deadbeat. Pick a struggle.

Qrow: *silent and sits with Raven*

Jaune: *stares at Ruby and Yang*

Yang and Ruby: *sat down immediately*

Jaune: So what are you all going to do?

RYBB: Talk like a family.

Jaune: Good. Now you excuse me I need to write a letter to my mother who I am not on the best of terms, right now. Bye.

Nora: Jaune? Jaune, is there something you want to talk about? I’m openly available.

Jaune: F*** you too, Nora.

Qrow: How long was he on that island?

Ruby: Uncle Qrow, we had our first argument on that island.

Qrow: Oh… s***.

[stinkrascal]

TRANSCRIPT

Breanna: [ she shuffles uncomfortably as she wakes; a faint moan escapes her]

Breanna: Ah! Aha! Hi, um, mister—um, were you here the whole time?

Vladislaus: Yes. I observed your transformation through the night. How did you sleep?

Breanna: Um! Fine. Vladislaus: Good. I hope you are comfortable, for you will remain in my care until your powers have matured. Breanna: I'm staying with you?

Vladislaus: Yes. You are my spawn, therefore you are my responsibility. My home is yours. All I ask is you forgive the mess in the kitchen, and you stay out of the basement. Breanna: What's in your basement? Vladislaus: It's off limits. Breanna: Why come? Vladislaus: It's off limits. Breanna: Why?

Vladislaus: It is off limits. Do I make myself clear? Breanna: I don't care about your stupid basement dude. Vladislaus: Good. If that is all, I shall be on my way. Breanna: Huh? Where you going?

Vladislaus: Downstairs. I have students to teach. Breanna: Can I come too? Vladislaus: No. Rest. Breanna: But I'm not tired.

Vladislaus: I wasn't asking. [ the door closes ] Breanna: [ murmurs ] Bitch.

Vladislaus: Your posture is horrendous. Straight your back, boy.

Caleb: Ugh. Got no reason, waking me this early. Vladislaus: Your attendance is mandatory. Caleb: Since when? Lilith: Hmm. I wonder if laziness is inherited between sire and spawn?

Vladislaus: No, but it seems insolence is inherited between kin.

Vladislaus: You're supposed to be resting. Breanna: I'm not tired. Can I join? Vladislaus: Come, then. Form a line. Let's see how you fare.

Vladislaus: Since we have a new addition, I will recount the basics. As vampires, we derive our powers from flesh and blood. Though any creature's blood will sustain us, not all blood is created equal. We are only as strong as the blood we consume.

Vladislaus: However, this grand power comes at the cost of innocent life. As our hunger is insatiable, this is a cost we will pay for all eternity.

Vladislaus: It is our responsibility to quench this hunger, as to not endanger ourselves, or endanger others.

Breanna: Actually, I change my mind. I'm going back inside. Vladislaus: [ snorts ] Don't tell me I've lost your interest already. Breanna: When you said train, I thought you meant we were gonna start maiming and biting and killing and stuff. This is kinda boring.

Vladislaus: You have jokes. How quaint. Try to release your dark form. We shall spar.

Breanna: My—huh? Vladislaus: Every vampire has a dark form, the evil within, their shadow self—whatever you wish to call it. When we are in this form, we are at our apex, but not all are capable of releasing it at will.

Lilith: I don't think this is— Caleb: Shut it, Lilith. I wanna watch.

Vladislaus: Only those with mastery over their powers, such as myself, are capable of releasing this form at will. Of course, this is a skill which will take decades, even centuries to achieve. Do not be discouraged if you fail.

Vladislaus: That is why I am here, to—

Breanna: [ maniacal hissing and growling ] Vladislaus: BACK! BACK AWAY, YOU LITTLE HEATHEN!

Lilith: BREANNA, STOP! HE'S OUR SIRE, YOU CAN'T EAT HIM! Caleb: Hah. She actually did it.

Breanna: Haaaaaah—your blood tastes really good, Vladdy! ❤

Vladislaus: [ groaning ] Breanna: Oh, shit—are you okay?!

[iamumbra195]

Random One Piece incorrect quotes cause I'm bored

Some of these are modern au though

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

*Sanji's not there*

Usopp: HELP! I TOLD LUFFY I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK!

Zoro, pouring alcohol directly into a cereal bowl:

Zoro: And you thought I could help?

...

Luffy: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Nami : Wasn't Zoro with you?

Zoro: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised

...

Law: I trust Mugiwara-ya.

Penguin: You think he knows what he's doing?

Law: I wouldn't go that far.

...

Sabo: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life

Ace, confused: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Sabo: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Luffy: edible

...

Nami: We need to get through this locked door. Usopp, give me your credit card.

Usopp: Here.

Nami, pocketing it: Thanks. Luffy, kick down the door.

...

Chopper: You know those things will kill you, right?

Zoro, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point.

Sanji, smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process.

Luffy: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*

...

Robin: Why is Luffy so sad?

Nami: He took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes

Robin: And...?

Nami: He got Buggy

*Zoro cackling in the background

...

Zoro: Self care is actually getting into fights with randos in dark alleys.

Nami: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!

Kin'emon, trying to be poetic: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!!

Usopp: Lmao self care is taking Luffy's birthday meat cake just so I can eat the frosting.

Luffy: If you touch my meat cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

Sanji, losing his mind: WHY IS THERE FROSTING ON MEAT?

...

Franky, about Jinbe: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.

Robin: Are we stealing them?

Brook: New or used?

Franky, cackling: Wonderful responses, both of you.

...

Smoker: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

Sanji: Shit.

Usopp: Wait, three?

Smoker: Yeah?

Nami: OH MY GOD ZORO FELL OFF!!!

...

Kin'emon: Tonight, one of you has betrayed us.

Ashura: Is it me?

Kin'emon: No, it’s not you.

Denjiro: Is it me, Kin?

Kin'emon: It’s not you either.

Kanjuro: Is it me, Kin'emon?

Kin'emon, bleeding from several debilitating injuries:

Kin'emon, mockingly: Is IT mE kiN'eMOn?

...

Usopp: Can I be frank with you guys?

Luffy, confused: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.

Chopper: Can I still be Chopper?

Franky, snickering: Shh, let Frank speak.

...

Sabo: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Koala: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Sabo: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING ROBIN-CHAN WITH ME

Hack, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

...

Law, walking into his submarine: Hello, people who do not belong here.

Zoro: Hey.

Sanji: Hi.

Robin: Hello.

Chopper: Hey!

Law: I gave you my vivre card for emergencies only!

Luffy, grinning: We were out of meat.

...

Sanji: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.

Luffy, drinking meat: Why do you say that?

...

Zoro: Do you take constructive criticism?

Nami: I only take cash or credit.

...

Koala: Why are you on the floor?

Sabo: I'm depressed.

Sabo: Also I was stabbed, can you get Ivankov, please.

...

Robin: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?

*everyone looks ay Karasu

Karasu: What? How am I supposed to know?

Lindbergh: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.

Karasu: *sighs*

Karasu: You wouldn't be trapped

...

Vivi: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.

Nami: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?

Vivi: Yes!

Usopp: ... I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

...

Usopp: WHY. why did you give Luffy a KNIFE?!

Zoro, shrugging: He said he felt unsafe.

Usopp: Now I feel unsafe!

Zoro: ... would you like a knife?

...

Dragon: What did you do with the target's body?

Sabo : What didn’t I do with the body?

Dragon:

Sabo: Okay, that sounded more sexual than I intended. I disposed of the corpse respectfully.

...

Luffy, texting Ace: Ace! Help I’m being kidnapped

Ace: Where are you?

Luffy: I’m with some strange person. In a car. Help.

Ace: I’ll call Gramps.

Garp, answering their cell: Y’ello?

Ace: Where’s Luffy? He texted me that he was being kidnapped.

Garp: Luffy? Whaddya mean, he's right next to me-

Garp, who shaved his head:

Garp: I’ll call you back. *hangs up*

Garp: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN’T THAT BAD!

Luffy: WHO ARE YOU?!

...

*Ace, Sabo and Luffy sitting in jail together*

Sabo: So who should we call?

Ace: I’d call Gramps, but I feel safer in jail

...

Roger: Garp, my old arch enemy.

Garp: ... I thought I was your only arch enemy?

Roger: I have a life outside of you, Garp

...

Zoro: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Luffy: The cow???

Zoro: What?

Sanji: *disgusted shudder* LUFFY, W H Y?

...

Usopp: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 billion berry?

Zoro: Nami can stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house and erase my debt

Luffy: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 billion.

Zoro: Good thinking.

...

Kin'emon: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night.

Denjiro: You were flirting with O'Tsuru.

Kin'emon: So what? She's my wife.

Denjiro: You asked her if she were single.

Kin'emon:

Denjiro: And then you cried when she said she wasn't

...

Marco: What time is it?

Ace: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out

Ace: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*

Izou: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING

Ace, proudly: It’s 2 am

...

Luffy: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.

Law: You people already know too much about me.

Kidd: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

...

Sabo, an enabler: Tell Ace about the birds and the bees.

Luffy: They're disappearing at an alarming rate.

...

Brook: Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

...

Zoro: With great power comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.

...

Law: When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying 'Haven’t decided yet' is typically a good response.

Bepo: Captain, no.

...

Law: Nothing in life is free.

Chopper: Love is free!

Luffy: Adventure is free!

Robin: Knowledge is free.

Nami: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

...

Usopp: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Luffy will and will not eat.

Franky: Grass? Yes!

Usopp: Moss? Yes!!

Franky: Leaves? Ohh, yes!

Usopp: Shoelaces? Strange but true!

Franky: Worms? Sometimes!

Usopp: Rocks? Usually nah.

Franky: Twigs? Usually!

Usopp: Zoro's cooking? Inconclusive!

Chopper: How did you… test this?

Usopp: You just hand him stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if he eats it, he eats it.

Chopper: ... I don’t know how to feel about this.

Nami: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SHOELACES WENT?

Robin: What about humans? He tried to eat Crocodile once

Everyone: ...

Usopp: I think I might be too afraid to ask

(Someone pls draw this one XD)

...

Betty: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Koala: *turning to Sabo* How tall are you?

...

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

That's it, this took forever to write lol

[stevieschrodinger]

It was a fucking miracle that Eddie survived the upside down. He stopped breathing a couple of times, had lost more blood than Steve even thought was in a whole person.

Hawkins was a fucking shambles and the hospital wasn't any better, so a lot of protocols had gone straight out of the window. When they asked Steve, still covered in blood and upside down, what his name was, he'd told them. The Beta nurse had scribbled Steve's name down as Eddie's next of kin and in the thick of it all, absolutely no one questions it.

Been nearly two weeks on life support, covered in wires and machines and a tube down his throat to breath for him. Two surgeries, stealing skin off his thighs and ass to keep his guts in.

But Eddie is alive. And it still says Steve's name at the top of Eddie's notes, even if Wayne has told them he's Eddie's uncle and he's been trading off with Steve to keep watch over Eddie.

Which is why when a doctor pulls Steve aside to talk about Mr. Munson, Steve's kind of used to it and Wayne let's it slide since he can't be there as much as Steve, anyway.

"I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, Mr. Harrington," and Steve starts to panic, but tries not to since he saw Eddie two minutes ago and knows he's doing pretty well, all things considered, "because of all the damage, it's very unlikely your Omega will ever carry a pup to term."

Steve sits. He sits hard.

"We haven't informed him as yet, he's still quite delicate. I wasn't sure if you felt the news may be better coming from you?"

Eddie's an Omega.

The newbie doctor standing in front of Steve thinks that Eddie is his Omega.

Eddie probably won't ever be able to have pups.

Steve drifts back to Eddie's room without really answering. He sits and watches Dustin and Eddie play cards. They look at him, now and then, because Steve has no clue what he must scent like but...fuck.

Eddie. Eddie who Steve left alone in the upside down is an Omega. Eddie who's managed to hide his designation this whole time. Eddie, who must be coated in hospital standard blockers right now...which makes sense. The scent of a distressed Omega in pain would fuck up every Alpha on this floor of the hospital, so standard practice with blockers makes sense; helping to hide Eddie's secret.

And now Eddie probably can't ever have pups. And that's probably Steve's fault.

"Hey, Steve, man, what's...what's up?". Dustin. Standing right in front of Steve and Steve has no fucking idea what to do except he knows he needs to face up to this.

"Can I get some time with Eddie? Just us?"

Dustin looks like he's about to argue and give them both shit, but there must be a look on Steve's face or something in his voice or something in his scent, so Dustin doesn't. Packs up his shit and very carefully hugs Eddie goodbye.

And Steve's got no fucking idea what to do or say once they're alone, so he finds himself perching on the edge of Eddie's bed, holding his hand. And sure, Eddie lets him, but he's also looking at their joined hands and then looking at Steve like he's lost his damn mind.

"The, the ah, doctor, they still think I'm next of kin, your, uhm, your Alpha."

Eddie, slowly and carefully, pulls his hand out of Steve's, watching with wide eyes, frozen, like he doesn't know what to expect. Like this could go any way. Like people who know Eddie's secondary gender haven't reacted too well in the past.

Steve swallows thickly, "they don't think you'll be able to have pups, Eddie."

Eddie plays with his own fingers in lieu of his absent rings. "Oh," he says, and then starts to cry. Covers his face for a moment and sobs a broken noise, but just as Steve reaches out for him, tries to offer comfort, Eddie pulls his hands away and straightens up. He wipes his face abruptly, "doesn't matter, probably never have any anyway. Never going find a mate," Eddie shrugs, "doesn't matter."

"Why?"

Eddie scoffs, still crying and wiping at his leaking nose, "come on Steve, if there's a diametric opposite to a good Omega, it's me."

"Well...maybe no Alpha even gets a chance to change your mind if they don't even know you're an Omega, Eddie."

Eddie just scoffs again.

"This is my fault -"

"Don't," Eddie snaps at him, "everything I do I choose to do, this is not your fault."

"Yeah, but-"

"What? If you'd known I was an Omega you wouldn't have let me go? Don't you fucking dare! I chose! It's up to me what I do, and maybe shit like this is the exact reason I hide!"

Steve holds his hands up in defeat, at least Eddie is angry enough to have stopped crying. His lashes are still damp though, and the anger has brought the first colour to Eddie's skin that Steve's seen for weeks. Steve always thought Eddie was pretty; at least now maybe he knows why.

Now is not the moment to say that to Eddie though, but maybe, maybe later. Maybe now it's all over. Maybe once Eddie's back on his feet.

"Stop fucking staring at me, Okay! I'm still just Eddie! This doesn't mean anything, nothing has changed."

"Right," Steve says, "no, of course. I won't tell anyone." That seems to appease Eddie, at least.

Enough that when Steve reaches his hand across the bed again, Eddie starts playing with Steve's fingers other than his own.

[wigglyscardigan]

hatchetfield on tumblr

🏕️ abstinence-camp-official Follow

Howdy campers! 😁 We’ve decided to set up camp on the good ol’ internet to spread the word of Jesus! 🙏❤️ Lookin forward to another year of hard work and abstinence! 🥰 Amen.

Keep reading

⛓️ s.lauter

guys im fucking shaking why does my old summer camp have tumblr?? they literally confiscate our phones??

🏕️ abstinence-camp-official Follow

Hello, Stephanie. 🙂

🍄 hot-single-nearby Follow

STEOH YOU HAVE TO RUN NOW

42,308 notes

🌟 latte-cakes Follow

ugh being a future tony winner is so hard bcuz u have to deal w the ppl who just do not know their shit yk

💩 hailey-bailey Follow

Who is this about?

🌟 latte-cakes Follow

omg there she goes again i swear its actually every time i

11 notes

🌃 hatchetfield-morning-news-official

BREAKING NEWS: Multiple missing persons reports have been sent out following the mysterious happenings at an apartment in downtown Hatchetfield.

Witnesses describe seeing a woman with long curly hair and glasses chase a group of adult men in there before shutting the door “aggressively”.

If you have any further information, contact local authorities immediately.

🧠 petes-hot-chocolate Follow

holy shit

🧠 petes-hot-chocolate Follow

um

🧠 petes-hot-chocolate Follow

did you guys see what the news just posted?

🦅 zeke-the-fightin-nighthawk Follow

MY UNCLE SAYS HE KNOWS THE VICTIMS???? ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

🧠 petes-hot-chocolate Follow

OH MY GOD? RICHIE IS HE OKAY? are you okay?!

🍄 hot-single-nearby Follow

Iwoudl fuck the woman based on that description

#pleasejddgyce #1 chakngee #ijsustwant hehr

108 notes

🦅 zeke-the-fightin-nighthawk Follow

me: scared and concerned because my uncle might know the victims of a serious crime

ruth: ok but was the girl hot

🍄 hot-single-nearby Follow

I stand by myndecision

69,420 notes

🐐 the-tinkerer ERROR

Melissa is active in this timeline?! 🍿

🎭 voice-of-the-stage ERROR

Once again, my kin doth defy awareness of logic. Once again, he chooses a disgraceful mini image to express thought and emotion…

🐐 the-tinkerer ERROR

kill yourself

There has been an error loading the notes.

☕️ paul-678903221985632 Follow

Uhh… anyone else’s tumblr just… completely shut down? I think my phone was hacked for a bit…

🚬 perkys-buds Follow

oh thank FUCK its not just me

swear i almost went to the goddamn apple store. we dont even have an apple store

☕️ paul-678903221985632 Follow

Oh, wait, really? Huh. I thought they added one years ago.

🚬 perkys-buds Follow

yeah they were going to at one point but they must have realized the towns too shitty for that

🚬 perkys-buds Follow

can’t believe im explaining hatchetfield apple store lore to paul matthews

☕️ paul-678903221985632 Follow

I would have worked there.

5 notes

inspired by @nabwastaken

[waffelteufel]

Random Dark Urge stuff that blew my mind because it's so fun (and terrifying) [SPOILERS BELOW]

The Alfira scene came totally unexpected and I was literally sitting there with my mouth agape because I was so used to how cute EA had been

Those moments where the Urge gets to you and your character just suddenly goes >:) like a little evil shit

Those random over the top dialogue options

The way you can literally tell your companions from the start that you are a bit cray cray but they're all just "Ah don't worry about it we're literally killing people every day now. We're all a little evil right now :) Just put in that energy when we need it :)" and when you get to That Scene (tm) with your Love Interest in act 2 they suddenly go "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME" I DID!!! I DID TELL YOU SFHFSF

THAT SCENE IN ACT2 WITH YOUR LOVE INTEREST... That you can just murder them there?? And you have to roll against yourself? So good

The fact you can try to fucking bite them and sob uncontrollably?? Cinnamon Topography as they say.

You were besties with Gortash!! "I can tolerate Orin. But I liked you". Hello??? I want to be besties with him again???? Gorty let's become Team Rocket please.

Gortash saying that he missed your dark humour or something of the like.

Orin and Durge's rivarly. Slaughter-Kin. Queen...

That lady at the end of act 2 that did horrifying experiments on you and became obsessed?? It was sooo uncomfortable but like in a masochistic way. Fucked up and amazing.

Finding your pod in that mindflayer place and asking Astarion "Humour me Astarion. What does that blood smell like?" "[SNIFF SNIFF] Oh that's you. I can recognize that everywhere lol"

The way Astarion's and your own personal quest mirror each other in a way.

Those dialogue options after you refused to kill Isobel, Nightsong and your Love Interest where it sounds like you are some evil puppy trying to atone for your sins to the most random people, like the freaking circus guy, and going like "I used to be a crazy murderous maniac but I am trying to change my ways <3"

If you get Heal cast on yourself (that high level spell that gives you like 70 HP) you get a mini cutscene in which Durge's mind "knits back together" for a moment and you remember a scene from your childhood. This was so unexpected, I did NOT expect a random spell to trigger story and I loved that.

Realising that you were involved in stealing the Crown from Mephistopheles vault, and that you've been to the Nine Hells before. Finding this out only a little bit after Raphael bitched to you about that lmao.

The fact you're literally playing one of the main bad guys, but with amnesia, and you realise this only in act 3.