#oh the autonomy! being a person on my own! acting in my interests and being allowed to be silly bc it makes me happy

[autistic-shaiapouf]

It feels so genuinely strange to feel at peace after being in crisis mode for so many years. My therapist said it takes, on average, 2 years for the results of (C-)PTSD recovery to made visible and I'm right on target for it; it's just. I feel okay and it's starting to sink in.

Good things have happened this year and they don't feel like they're gonna be taken away, I've met very good people and they don't feel out of my grasp. I'm actually getting to know myself, seeing what my autism wants from the world, the candles and incense and sprays pointing me towards sensory seeking (and that's okay!), the special interest in music pulling me in all directions (and that's okay!), spending lots of time reading and changing up what I was taught constitutes a meal by breaking it down (and that's okay!).

I don't actively dislike my field of work, have hobbies I engage in, friends I engage with, a vehicle the same year I got my license, I feel like I'm breathing for the very first time.

I'm okay, and it's starting to really feel that way.

[junowritings]

What about romanced Astarion reacting to the normally goody-goody Tav revealing that they stole the special potion from Araj before they left. He discovers this because Tav gives it to him as soon as they are out of sight from the blood merchant.

Oh I absolutely love this idea. Though writing this made me realize I need to put Astarion in my party more often. Went off on a bit of a tangent but I do hope you enjoy~!

=======

♡ Oh, the things we do for love, ey?

♡ Astarion plays nice with others in the interest of survival, and he’s made no attempts to hide that fact from you since you had really begun to bond. You on the other hand are akin to a bleeding heart, all too often going out of your way to do what you thought was right even if it meant putting yourself in harm's way as a result. At the beginning that attitude seemed pitiful - he figured it would simply end up getting you killed later down the line. And yet you’d rise, time and time again making an example of the morals that you set and surviving every encounter stronger than before. Even if your morals didn’t always align, he respected that tenacity.

♡ Even after you’d managed to worm your way into his very heart, the pair of you have butted heads more than once on the matter; at the high and mighty goody two shoes act that you face the world with. All of the reminders about doing good deeds for the sake of being good, not stealing from just anyone nor going behind others backs rummaging through personal effects for answers or loot. Not to mention all of that time spent helping others and listening to their plights as though they were your own. Honestly, darling, you really do make things harder on yourself by playing into other people’s sob stories. 

♡ Astarion never suspected that the encounter at Moonrise tower could have changed anything.

♡ He’s uncharacteristically quiet as you leave the room together after dealing with Araj, but that’s because inside Astarion is absolutely seething. A familiar feeling of disgust he’d longed hoped to quash down burns a hole deep within his chest, opening old mental wounds as though freshly torn asunder upon his flesh. He’s mad at that damned drow; the way she looked down upon him, using honeyed words that he knew were a damn farce because for fucks sake he’d been using the same tactics for well over a century. That look, that calculated appraisal as Araj gauged what the vampire spawn could offer her in exchange for her potion made his skin crawl, all too familiar with the look that spoke volumes of his value - as a means to serve her own whims and not an actual person.

♡ And then, when he’d shown reluctance, she’d turned to you, as though you’d reign him in and get him to bend to your will like some fanged pet you kept on a tight leash. Far from the truth, of course, but the lack of autonomy that Astarion felt watching the pair of you converse about him as if he wasn’t even there had him clenching his teeth hard enough that the ache in his jaw persists long afterwards.

♡ There had been a swell of satisfaction when you put your foot down on the matter, nipping her demand in the bud with a firm reminder that he had already refused her request - there was no more to discuss. The drow had gotten bored after that, uninterested in further discussion with her own desires now off the table, and Astarion was all too happy to be out of there as you trailed a few paces behind.

♡ Astarion stands by his choice, but another part of him kicks himself for turning down the reward. A moment of discomfort, to give up a piece of himself for a potion that could prove invaluable was all it could have taken. He had done it before - done it for centuries to placate that vile beast he once served - why would this be any different? A transactional relationship, one that could have given you a leg up in the battles ahead, and he’d refused. 

♡ He’s still stewing in these thoughts when a nudge breaks him from his reverie, a gentle brush of your fingers against his hand as you move into step beside your partner. Your touch is warm yet he prickles as though he’s been burned, pupils akin to pinpricks as he looks at you from the corner of his eye. He’s measuring you, for a moment. Takes in the brow furrowed and questioning eyes - not pity, concern - trying to gauge how he’s feeling. It’s a discussion for later, so Astarion dons that usual placating smile and turns to you, fully prepared to pull a spiel about that whole conversation being a waste of your perfectly good time. And then he notices.

♡ His ears perk up at a noise, the gentle slosh of something moving. Crimson eyes dart down to the source, to the hand you’d touch him with. It’s not empty - no, fingers curl tight around the corded neck of a familiar glass green bottle, and your nudge this time is more insistent as you press the bottle into the palm of his hand, urging him to take it. You relinquish the bottle to his hold, pale hands taking the glass and stirring up the liquid inside as he brings it up to get a better look. Surely this isn’t…

♡ But then sure enough you smile, a mischievous twinkle in your eye that makes his own widen as you shrug.

♡ “For you. Figured she didn’t need it anymore; since she just left it lying out in the open and all.”.

♡ The laugh comes before Astarion can stop himself - loud and unabashed from the sheer absurdity of it all. You? Actually stealing something? And for him no less! And they say that romance is dead, yet here you are wooing him one stolen novelty at a time. 

♡Hells he hadn’t even noticed that you’d swiped the damned thing - had it been when you’d turned the blood merchant down? Or back when she’d had her sights set on him? He doesn’t care for the answer, not really. He’s more impressed that you pulled it off, but Astarion certainly doesn’t miss the irony of it all. His lovely partner, casting aside your usual goody nature in favor of stealing something and getting one up on the woman who’d disrespected your lover. As if he wasn’t fond enough of you already - this was just another lovely little reminder of the lengths you’d go for him.

♡ His smile for a moment is all teeth, shoulders still shaking with the last dregs of laughter - which damn if he didn’t need - as he brings his free arm to curl around your side. The kiss pressed to your cheek is quick, vibrating with the appreciative hum that passes the spawn’s lips when you lean a little into him. Once he pulls away Astarion keeps his free hand looped around your side, the other holding the bottle up and giving the contents a dramatic little shake to show off.

♡ Perhaps he’ll keep this as a little secret; or maybe he’ll spend the rest of that night flaunting this potion teasing you for your first act of casual thievery. Whatever the outcome it’s worth the grin he flashes you as he gives a conspiratory wink and declares.

♡ “Oh my dear. We’ll make a fine miscreant of you yet!”

[pxayopina-unilsiyu]

for me, the most tragic element of Neytiri's character is that she is a fiercely independent person who keeps having her agency taken from her.

she was a redundant daughter, a born-and-raised hunter/warrior who is very much shown to still be far more adept and interested in that life path—yet when Sìlwanin died, she was suddenly thrust into a completely different role, one she is demonstrated as having far less interest and feels far less fulfilled in. she still clings to her role as tsamsiyu and struggles to embrace her tole as tsakarem. this is to be expected. she was not supposed to become one.

on top of inheriting Sìlwanin's life path, she also inherits her goddamn fiancé, and Tsu'tey wasn't just supposed to be an arranged loveless marriage—we can safely presume him and Sìlwanin's connection was an element in him being chosen as Eytukan's heir—he was the love of Sìlwanin's goddamn life.

so yes, while i am sure Neytiri does love Jake for all of his Jakey qualities, i am also absolutely certain her choice to boink him was, in part, an act of rebellion against her imposed societal role, a desperate play for some scrap of autonomy and choice in what goes on in her life. and like, you go girl.

and what's really disappointing about The Way of Water is that this element of Neytiri's character is still not resolved. she is still being constantly forced to play second fiddle to someone else. every single decision she tries to make is immediately undermined by Jake, and yes i do understand his reasonings but!!! oh my god, can you please listen to your wife at least a little bit sometimes. i am sure you guys can discuss your decisions and collaborate like married people are supposed to instead of always dismissing her outright. it is painful to watch once you notice it

and yeah i'll even go so far to say that threatening to kill Spider was probably consequential of Neytiri feeling like she is absolutely never fucking in control of her own life, of wanting to exert control over someone else for once (Quaritch), and yes i will reiterate how glad i am that the extended scene with Jake talking her down was cut, because for fuck's sake, not everything she needs to do needs to be because of someone else's (read: a man's) influence, let the woman make her own choices for once in her life.

sparing Spider was the right decision and it needs to be her decision otherwise she looks like she is completely controlled by Jake's direction and would gladly murder kids if her big strong hubby wasn't there to remind her what the morally correct choice is.

[frostwing213]

I keep getting a lot of Elain stuff popping up on my dash. Mostly about shipping, and I'm like:

How'd this girl end up in a love triangle????

People are very opiniated too, fighting over and making essays about it. There's Elain/Az and Elain/Lucien (There's also Az and Gwen, but I understand how Az got in a love triangle.)

I'm just, struggling to care. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate Elain, I just find her kinda boring. She doesn't do much. She feels like that classic fairytale princess that looks pretty and sad in a tower.

Off the top of my head, these are things that define her (Without being linked to men, becase I'm not there yet. Plus, a female character should be able to stand on her own without the men in her life)

She gardens and is primiarily associaed with flowers

Pretty

Nice

Weak

She kinda killed the king of Hyburn

Didn't want to be a fae

kinda wishy washy

Achreon sister

Quiet

Her sisters want to protect her

Future seeing powers

And I'm out of ideas. From my point of view, she doesn't have any discernable personality. Her three major defining things when people think of her are: Pretty, flowers, soft.

She doesn't act for herself, she doesn't speak up. She goes with what happens and gets sad when she doesn't like it. (Becoming a fae was traumatic, and I understand her reaction, but I don't really like it. AND I HAVEN'T EVeN TOUCHED ON THE GREYSON[was that the human dude's name???]THING YET!)

So, when the books start, early ACOTAR. Archeron sisters are in the woods. Feyre is the only one doing something to support the family. Who is Elain in this book? Pretty gardener. Delicate. She isn't doing anything. Some can argue Nesta isn't either, and as a Nesta Supremist, I have to say she was willing to get married to someone cruel to make it easier on her family, and although that isn't much, it's still something. What does Elain do in this book? Be pretty. Please, someone give me an example of Elain doing something constructive and I will edit it in. Please.

Moving on. Next book. She... hosts the house along with Nesta. Oh! She's engaged to a fae hating guy (Who i think is named Greyson. I can't remember and I'm currently loaning out my 2nd and 3rd book, so I can't check rn). Uh.... I don't remember if she does anything else until the end, where she is captured and dumped in the caldron. We find out Lucien is her mate. EDIT!: As @devi1sange1 pointed out to me, Elain did stand up to Nesta about using their house as a meeting spot for the queens. She also takes responisblty for how they treated Feyre. 2 points for Elain. I give her those

She shows up more after that, so I'm not doing book by book, but she gets dumped fast by her fiancé and hangs out in the house of wind, being very sad. I almost wanna describe her as floaty, because she's acting like a ghost, just existing and mourning what is gone. This is a vaild response, and I understand why she responds this way, it just annoys me because she has not shown any autonomy so far. Anything. I think I remember her asking her ex-fiance to take in humans, but that was after being pushed by the inner circle. Uh... she gives a few prophecies, yay that. When the fighting starts, she stays on the sidelines, which I don't blame her for. She kinda kills the king of Hyburn. I think that's all she does in that.

After that. What does she do? Other than hang around??? I DON'T KNOW!

Elain shows no real drive! She exists and sometimes does stuff to push the plot!

Now onto the (possible) romantic interests she has.

Greyson: Uhhhhh, they like each other. She likes her because she's sweet and pretty. I didn't catch anything else between these two. Uh, he dumps her as soon as she's fae and she gets depressed over it

Lucien: Mating bond. She doesn't like him, I get it. He tries to back off. I think Lucien acts responsibly in this situation. Elain is at no fault in this situation either. Mating bonds don't always pair up the most romantic pair, and it doesn't always work out well. Honestly, I never saw much chemistry between these two, and if not for the bond, they likely would have forever ignored each other.

Azriel: (Random, but I searched him up on tumblr because I couldn't remember how to spell his name, and WOW, there's a lot of Azriel x reader. Yall really 'like' him) How, just how did this become such a popular ship? I never even caught this on my read through. Yeah, Az is nice to her, but he's nice to anyone considered friendly. He's just as nice to Feyre and I don't see anyone shipping those two. I just... don't get it. Is it because we want the sisters paired up with the bat boys? Is that it?? I don't understand. I see no chemistry. It's just two people being nice to one another guys.

I think those are the major ones. I don't understand any of them. Lucien and Az are such powerful charters, while Elain is... 'pretty flower girl'.

I don't hate her, but she kinda annoys me with how much crazines she's getting with people shipping her. Wanna know what i think would be great? She ends up with no one romantically. She has friends, just no romantic partner and that is perfectly fine. Lucien will live. If there's nothing between Az and Gwen, then Az will live.

To wrap up, I find Elain to be a pretty boring charter, I just feel indifferent towards her. I love the other two siblings, but I feel like Elaine could have been improved.

Feel free to talk to me about this! Throw out your own opinions! Give me edvince that supports or opposes any of my points! Correct me on stuff and ignore my spelling!

I love a good debate! Give me one! Please.

Interact with me.

Edit!: Thanks for interacting! I swear I'm reading everything! I just didn't expect this to blow up so fast!

Another edit: Thanks yall for interacting! I'm really enjoying reading the responses and what people hope to see coming from Elaine in the future!

[bimboficationblues]

what is the connection you see between liberalism and "prevent suicide at any cost"? i get the other two but not liberalism

oh I'm so glad you asked, this is a super fascinating topic imo.

One of the interesting shifts that goes on in the philosophical conversation around suicide in early modernity is that while religious objections to suicide were being undermined, this didn't necessarily stop objections. (Hume is one of the few bigger names that doesn't seek an alternative secular grounding for opposition to suicide and instead just rebukes the religious argument.) Instead the anti-suicide attitude became sociopolitically driven. On the ideological level, anti-suicide thought assumed a particular kind of social and political subject and image of society that would have been alien to earlier Christian writers like Aquinas. On the more material level we see the modern state developing an increased interest in the health of their populations (though only on an abstract, utilitarian level, for the purposes of maintaining security and control) via the disciplinary institutions of law and medicine.

A really good example: while John Stuart Mill, Boy Genius, never explicitly addresses suicide in On Liberty, he does indirectly discuss it when carving out exceptions to his "harm principle." While generally intervening in the behavior of others for "their own good" is politically and socially undesirable for Mill, there are some exceptions. He uses the example of selling yourself into slavery as an "extreme example" of how one should not be permitted to give up their own liberty and ability to make reasoned decisions about their life. Personally, I think this passage might cut either way on the question of suicide; Mill's primarily interested in social and political liberty and so the idea of removing one's own "metaphysical" liberty through self-annihilation seems outside his scope.

But he also argues that, despite the harm principle, society can intervene if someone is putting themselves at risk or going to harm themselves if they are a "child, or delirious, or in some state of excitement or absorption incompatible with the full use of the reflecting faculty" - i.e. a non-rational agent in some way. Even if it's not what Mill is directly addressing, there's a clear line to be drawn between his ideas about the ability to exercise reason as a foundation for autonomy and modern, non-religious anti-suicide sentiment. This is a recurring theme of modern liberal attitudes towards suicide, which regard it as a fundamentally anti-rational act and therefore grants society permission to override, restrain, and act upon you in ways contrary to your individual desires. (For the record, this same supposed lack of ability to govern oneself effectively is also Mill's self-absolving justification for authoritarianism and colonialism: "Despotism is a legitimate mode of government in dealing with barbarians.") You and I might conceive of suicidal ideation as a rational or at least quasi-rational response, but that's not typically, or at least consistently, something that liberal thought grants.

You can find similar views (if unique to their own frameworks) in Hobbes (natural right), Kant (deontology), even Spinoza to some extent (egoism), even as each of them is (in some form or another) trying to resist a religious justification for their opposition.

Contemporarily, in response to Washington v. Glucksberg (an assisted suicide SCOTUS case), Rawls, Nozick, Judith Jarvis Thomson, Ron Dworkin, and a couple other schmucks filed an amicus curiae brief arguing in defense of assisted suicide. That might seem to cut against my claim - maybe this is a change in the shape of liberal thought? But! I think what's noteworthy is that 1) their argument still takes place entirely on the terrain of rights, i.e. what the state is willing to grant and enforce (which is appropriate considering the venue, but still relevant), and 2) assisted suicide has been the main contemporary avenue of discussion in philosophy and policy regarding suicide. You don't see a generalized defense of suicide too often these days. it's taken as something of a given that while it may or may not be okay to end your life because of physical illness or debilitation, and this is an acceptable debate for public policy, it is definitely NOT okay to end your life because of mental illness or because you want to.

I'm pointing to political philosophers because it comes immediately to me, but I think they serve as good representatives of how the anti-suicide perspective can have a political "liberal" shape beyond just religiosity or psychiatric intervention, and how it's changed over time. sadly don't have the time to do a full historical genealogy effortpost on this subject, but to put on the Foucault hat for a very brief moment: suicide is decreasingly arbitrated by religious institutions. Instead we find it governed by secular law and judges (e.g. Washington v. Glucksberg), and by health regimes of psychiatry and medicine, all of these forces that developed and intensified their discipline over large populations as part of the contemporary science of statecraft.

Anyway, so when I say that anti-suicide attitudes are rooted in bad values and institutions like liberalism, that's what I mean - the idea that suicide is an irrational act that needs to be suppressed by state power, in the process producing a "suicidal subject" that needs to be contained by law and medicine.

An interesting article on some of this stuff, by way of Hobbes, Foucault, and ideas around the legality and social convention of suicide.

[agentnico]

Poor Things (2023) review

Yorgos Lanthimos may be the new Quentin Tarantino when it comes to feet fetishes in cinema, as there are so many Emma Stone feet shots in this movie… so many. Also, her little toe is oddly square shaped, just saying.

Plot: An incredible tale and fantastical evolution of Bella Baxter (Emma Stone), a young woman brought back to life by the brilliant and unorthodox scientist Dr. Godwin Baxter (Willem Dafoe). Under Baxter's protection, Bella is eager to learn. Hungry for the worldliness she is lacking, Bella runs off with Duncan Wedderburn (Mark Ruffalo), a slick and debauched lawyer, on a whirlwind adventure across the continents. Free from the prejudices of her times, Bella grows steadfast in her purpose to stand for equality and liberation.

At first I was very much a fan of director Yorgos Lanthimos’ directing style, with him managing to take any event or piece of dialogue and turn it into deadpan awkwardness. As such, his indie films The Lobster and The Killing of a Sacred Deer both are great examples of entertaining postmodern cinema with each one featuring a dystopian visual style. That being said, his last film The Favourite, even though it was a hit with the critics and the award ceremonies, for me did not hit the same. It felt much more reserved compared to the director’s previous efforts, and his usual weird style just came off crude and the humour for me personally did not land. Nicholas Hoult was a hoot though, but when isn’t he! Anyway, going into Poor Things I was hoping for more of the original magic which I’ve seen from Lanthimos in his earlier works, and the trailers with their vibrant visuals really sparked my interest, so I went in with high hopes.

So in terms of the visuals, Poor Things may just feature some of the best and most imaginative sets of any movie of 2023. Starting off the first part in black-and-white, very reminiscent of the old Universal monster flicks, but then 30 minutes in transforming into a technicolour dream world with colours popping Wizard of Oz-style, with every shot reminiscent of a vivid painting, with the use of the fisheye lends to create a somewhat watercolour effect to the backgrounds. The movie looks and feels artificial, which connected well with the narrative of this Frankenstein’s monster type woman learning and discovering everything with a brain that’s both her’s and not. Oh, and she happens to also wear rainbow glasses, so I can only imagine how much more stranger the world must look through her eyes.

The film’s biggest asset is its acting. Emma Stone is phenomenal as she has to play a grown woman with the brain of a baby, and then show us that woman growing into her brain (or maybe show us the baby growing into the woman?) over the course of the film. She really does throw herself into the role and it’s the type of role that awards shows will delightfully seek their teeth into. Willem Dafoe as the maker of Bella felt like a character that walked straight off a David Lynch fantasy, from the prosthetic make-up to his performance as the mad scientist that falls for his creation. But the real stand out here is Mark Ruffalo who simply is on another level. Playing the slimy player who only sees women through the male gaze, and attempts to take advantage of Bella’s naive outlook life for his own physical pleasure, it’s the kind of character you are supposed to despise, but gosh did I love everything Ruffalo was doing in this film. He was truly hilarious with every piece of his line delivery successfully painting the pathetic nature of his foolish character. Most critics will be showering Emma Stone with praise and deservingly so, however I believe Mark Ruffalo should not be overlooked and may be the actual MVP of the whole movie.

Narrative wise this is a fun feminist spin on the Frankenstein formula, that is a loud and proud shout to female autonomy for those who may have found Barbie a bit too cheesy and perky, yet I do find the movie to be overly cynical against its own good. It's like Lanthimos approached the film in the same way the mad scientist played by Willem Dafoe in the movie approaches his medical experiments -- with a cool eye and a lot of curiosity, but very little heart. And for the bubbly and big eyed Bella that is full of life and excitement, the film she’s in is the polar opposite. Look, I admired the film for what it was, but the romantic within me wanted a bit more of the, as the French would say, ‘amour’. Also there was just too much sex for my viewing pleasure. Again, I don’t mind a lil’ hanky-panky in my films, but when I’m sat in a dark theatre surrounded by many perverts with 90% of what I’m watching being humans doing the thrusting and the throbbing, it is a tad uncomfortable. You can also imagine what my fiancée thought when I told her afterward about the movie’s heavily erotic side.

Poor Things is very much a film that screams the director’s unique and distinct style and I truly respect it for that, however I personally feel like its not my cup of tea as it was a bit too cold for my liking. There wasn’t really a character I could connect or sympathise with, and even though Mark Ruffalo is funny as hell, his character is a piece of scum and a half. Again, kudos to the whole production team and cast for a great niche slice of art house cinema, but it’s too creepy for my liking.

Overall score: 7/10

[deludedfantasy]

Trimax Vol 11 Ch 1-3

I'm a little behind this week because my brain hasn't been cooperative. But here are some thoughts on the first half of volume 11.

It’s been really hard for me to start reading this volume. I’m still grieving from volume 10. Everything past this point from my first read is a blur and I don’t remember much of it. I was reading in a frenzy because I was very in denial about Wolfwood being dead and was hoping he’d come back somehow. This feels all new to me and while I know the broad strokes, I’m a little scared of what’s to come. 

Really hope this is the last I have to see of Chapel. Why are we opening on this old scene?

Zazie saying “Chapel and the old man” confused me for a moment. Did���did no one tell Zazie that Wolfwood isn’t Chapel? Who did she think that random old guy was? Did Knives even know Wolfwood wasn’t really Chapel? Honestly, who knows at this point. 

Damn, I didn’t realize Wolfwood shot Legato in the spine. At this point, you gotta wonder if the only thing keeping Legato alive is his insane devotion to Knives because I don’t know how else he’s pushed through all the shit that’s happened to him. 

Elendira “jokingly” threatening to kill Legato is everything to me. It shouldn’t be so funny and yet there’s such a morbid humor to it. 

Where in the world did Vash and Livio get a car from?

Other people have pointed this out, but the fact that after everything that happened, despite Vash’s own anger at Livio, he still trusts him. That means a lot. Vash hasn’t abandoned his beliefs and importantly, he’s not giving up on the person Wolfwood sacrificed everything for. This is the first time we see the blank ticket in action! 

No one else has taken Vash up on the chance to change, to become something better. But Livio has, because of Wolfwood’s belief in him, so Vash is going to take him at his word, because then what in the world has he been fighting for all this time? At the same time though, someone else had to die for that to happen, and I think that’s going to create some cracks in Vash’s convictions, though how still remains to be seen. 

Vash’s anger isn’t gone though. Not at all. “You are the one he believed in,” Vash says. So start acting like it is the subtext. You want to be trusted? Then don’t act surprised or like you don’t deserve it when I do, because Wolfwood gave up everything for you to have that chance. Vash has this problem where he places a lot of meaning and emphasis on other people’s sacrifice’s and this isn’t something he’s going to let go of. 

Brad really cares about Wolfwood. I wonder when they got to know each other so well that Brad would be so mad at Livio for what happened. But I also think Brad is there to remind us that the way he’s trusting Livio is out of the ordinary because we’ve become so used to seeing everything from Vash’s point of view, it’s easy to forget why trusting Livio is such a big deal. 

An ion cannon…this isn’t gonna end badly or anything. 

Oh an ion cannon powered by Plants. That’s very bad. 

The first time we see Dependent Plants have their own autonomy! They keep the military from firing the ion cannon at Knives. Which suggests they’ve been able to control their energy output this whole time. For some reason, they’ve been (apparently) helping humans willingly all these years. That’s certainly an interesting revelation.

Ch 2

I don’t know why but the wording of this page makes it sound like the vast majority of the human population has gathered in Octovern. I remember thinking that on my first read too and later wondering if I’d misinterpreted something. But this really does have the feel of, “This is humanity’s last stand, and they’re all huddled together in fear.”

Which really does beg the question: how big is the population of No Man’s Land? And how much of it has Knives destroyed over the past seven months?

Luida!!! She’s trying to give all these bigwigs the knowledge they need to successfully resist Knives, but she’s coming in at a disadvantage. She’s been hiding for years and now she’s telling them that dependent Plants have a will of their own, which is news to everyone. Now she’s telling them they shouldn’t attack when the situation is truly dire. It’s frustrating, but it makes so much sense why people are unwilling to listen to her. 

And Meryl!!! Always happy to see Meryl again, being her little gremlin self and flipping people off behind their backs. 

Oh…Meryl and Milly’s conversation really drives home how much things have changed and how much they have changed. Things were simpler, once upon a time, when they first met Vash and started following him. They were more peaceful and Meryl and Milly hadn’t seen as many horrible things. Now, the world is on the brink of destruction, they’ve witnessed the worst of humanity, and as Milly says, there’s no going back. They can reminisce all they want, but they’ll never be the same. The subtext being that even if they win, the world won’t be the same one they knew when they were younger. 

It’s important that Milly delivers this message too. Because coming from someone else, it could sound hopeless. From her, it doesn’t feel quite so horrible. It’s sad, but to me, it feels like she’s saying it’s not the end. Those memories will still be there for them even if they can’t be those people anymore, and that’s not a bad thing. It’s good to remember, it’s good to feel all of that and be able to live with it. 

Vash makes a wonderful entrance! Just as they’re contemplating how their lives have changed because of him, Vash drops in again and does things the way he always does. With precision and a little bit of silliness. 

Their reunion makes me so happy!! Look at them, they’re so overwhelmed seeing him again! They mean so much to each other and they hadn’t even known he was alive for the longest time. And Vash’s surprised little, “Oh!” After all these months, he likely didn’t know if they’d survived the destruction and had probably shoved all of that to the back of his mind so he could function. But there they are!! They’re his friends and he’s just as excited to see them!

The Earth fleet’s arrival feels like it should be a moment of hope, but then we transition to Knives. He’s become more and more inhuman. He’s fused so deeply with the Plants that he’s started resembling them. The Ark is even starting to fall apart. It’s overtaken by much more biological matter as Knives’s powers spiral out of control a little and the Plants grow and grow. It makes you wonder: can the fleet actually stand up to him?

Ch 3

Luida: Hey, Vash what happened to your hair?

Vash: Haha, how about this final battle though?

Vash continues being incapable of letting anyone in on his problems and it drives me bananas! Let someone help you carry your burdens!!! It’ll make your life just a little bit easier!!!

The way Livio starts turning here. He was about to admit that he killed him or was responsible for his death. But Brad stops him! Brad, who was so angry at him before! Whether it’s to keep the girls from being so hurt or because he’s come to believe (just a little) that Vash is right about Livio, it’s not easy to say. But it still speaks volumes about Brad that he does this to lessen the blow for so many people. 

Is it bad that what Brad said reminded me of someone saying, “Oh, your dog went to live a happy life on a farm upstate”? 

But they know. Meryl and Milly still know what he really means. The hard truth is they don’t have the time to properly grieve him or break down about it. They have to stay focused on their current goals. So while they go along with it, the way Milly cries just hurts me. It’s a loss they can’t even speak about yet. 

And now Knives has made an enemy of Zazie, who isn’t thrilled about their planet being destroyed. This was not what they signed up for! 

I love that Meryl and Milly kept everything from Vash’s old coat as evidence for Bernadelli. The fact that they took it when they went back to HQ during those seven months is actually so sweet and sad too. It was the only thing they had to remember him by, even if it was just the random crap he carried in his pockets. I know this is just Nightow’s way of bringing the coins back into play, but in this instance, it actually shows a bit about the girls’ relationship to him. 

“That’s scary.” I mean, yeah fighting Legato is scary, I do get it, but also…Vash, WHAT? You’ve been through some terrifying things and that’s your reaction to this? He really does forget who and what he is sometimes, because he forgets that he’s pretty dangerous too. Then again, he doesn’t want to be, so he never thinks of himself that way. 

Brad has no idea how much it means to Livio that he’s showing him this kind of trust and respect. This is exactly what he needed to hear. That he is capable of change and people believe in him, people outside Vash and Wolfwood. Brad says he didn’t do what he did earlier for Livio but I don’t know. The way he’s acting now seems to say that maybe he did, just a little. He understands what Wolfwood gave up for him and that Wolfwood wouldn’t want Livio blamed for his death, so while Brad might give all kinds of other reasons, I think it all comes down to that. 

A lot of other people have commented on this scene and I totally agree with everyone’s takes! Vash is so overwhelmed hearing this from Marlon right now. This is something Vash has struggled with the whole story: letting people in and asking for help. He never does this. He always tries to go it alone and keeps his cards close to his chest, even with his closest friends. Wolfwood, Meryl, and Milly wormed their way into his heart through sheer stubbornness because Vash wouldn’t let them otherwise. And it’s hitting him now, just how much it means to ask for help, that he could have it and he’s always had it. He probably wishes Wolfwood had asked him for help and hearing now that he should do the same hurts. It’s a spin of regrets and should’ve-beens in his head right now and it’s not something he needs to focus on the coming battle. 

The thing is, he really does need to hear this now! He can’t survive this battle on his own. He isn’t the only person fighting. Even if he is the most powerful Independent Plant, he can’t win by himself. This isn’t just a fight between him and his brother. This is a fight for humanity’s survival. His friends have a stake in it and they want to help him. They can! Vash has been martyring himself for so long, letting people in is a foreign concept, but it’s the only way to survive. If Vash had to learn anything from humanity, it’s that survival isn’t a one person game. Society lives and thrives on human interaction, on people helping each other, and if his greatest want is to be close to humans, to live with them and be like them, then he needs to let people in and accept help. 

[pink-elefantz]

silly rant<3

hey so what is the cutoff between whats considered masking and whats considered lying i am asking this as a liar lol. like i find it interesting as fuck genuinely where is the line meant to be drawn. i do believe a lot of autistic people who mask and cant discern this line end up overcorrecting severely and developing what's called a personality disorder and like there are studies around this diagnosis massively being a thing that people get when theyve gone their whole lives unsupported for autism/adhd because sometimes the response to that is i need to do absolutely anything to be perceived as a human being and i dont know what it is about me thats so inhuman so ill just become an entirely different person for everyone i meet i guess. because u get to a point where u realise that social cues are not a static thing and that every allistic person actually has their own seperate set of rules for how to act and they all act like that is inherently the way ur meant to act but fucking somehow simultaneously all of them know how to abide by each others social rules even though theyre all different, and u go fucking insane and then come to the conclusion that the only way to be able to speak the same language as these people is to completely lose ur identity to whoever u are talking to in the moment. and then the more u hang out with anyone the more you lose of yourself and u do it so hard and for so long that you end up not being able to shut it off for people who genuinely dont care how u act and u cant actually tell when youre lying anymore and you dont even know if you lied about being sick in the first place and just made urself this way and when u try to get help for this all of the resources are like "this is an evil manipulative thing that evil people do" and its like. so first of all people who are traumatized into defaulting to manipulative behaviours are not evil people and they dont deserve to be demonized but also i never lied to make anyone do anything for me i lied to protect myself from being treated like a monster how could i ever possibly explain myelf how do u undo a damage like that without making someone come to the conclusion that u were using them. it is such an intricate process untangling all the little strands of lies with someone u know and is it even possible to do it fully without making the person feel like u were only friends with them to make them adore u or get them to give u things. like i swear to god no lie i have ever told anyone about myself was for any ulterior motive i dont even like being around people. i just didnt want to be a freak anymore. and then being a freak was cool so i was a freak but not a REAL FREAK i still was just some other person my entire fucking life has just been observing peoples interactions and going oh that got a positive reaction ill try that. and then i try it and its like oh no one liked that. what were the variables. i need to know the variables but i can never repeat this experiment again because i cant actually deal with getting another negative reaction my heart cant take it when they look at me like that when they realise im a fake person just pretending to be human why did it work with that other person and not me what the fuck did i do wrong. and u cant exactly go and tell this to ur therapist who smokes freuds cock for breakfast because u will just get "liar" put on ur file and lose even more of ur autonomy and make it even less likely for people to believe u when u report psychiatric abuse. anyway peace and love on planet earht the camera zooms out to a blue sky and polka dot house and i am waving at u from below with my dog goodbye!!!!!!!!!!!!bye!!!!

[trippygalaxy]

i feel like some of these questions conflict themselves/you've already but idk there are a lot and idk how to word them/i can't find them so feel free to ignore them

(i am dyslexic i wholeheartedly thought her love interest's name was lol nyah until i went back to reread it😭)

(i also know nothing about dnd so bear with me. this is like the equivalent of falling in love with one character but never being able actually get into their franchise)

1.) in the nicest way possible, why does grim look like that? because oh my god? that's a lil scary?

a.) does everyone who's a puppet for the voice look like that?

b.) why are the areas around her eyes charred? is it an effect caused by the puppet or was it because of something that happened to her?

c.) why that mask? do all of the voice's puppets have it or is the design specific to her? why does she take it everywhere? is it apart of the "i have no face," thing.

2.) so, in contrast to the voice, it seems that it and grim's personalities differ greatly from what i've seen of them.

a.) after the voice turns someone into a puppet, i know you mentioned they forget all their memories, but do they still have their personalities or are they like a blank sheet?

b.) do puppets have any type of autonomy outside of the voice? would grim be able to go against what the voice is telling her to do in order to help someone?

c.) "if someone is in trouble, i go out of my way to help them." does that willingness to help only extend to certain extents, or would she help anybody and everybody?

3.) because she's a puppet, would she consider the voice a tyrant? does she consider it the law?

a.) does she even remember what the voice did (i. e. the slaughter of the town, all the "horrible acts," etc).

b.) is she like a mindless follower of the voice as though it's a religion/cult, or does she treat it like it's just something she does as a job?

c.) she says no one cab get preferential treatment from the law and that no ones above it. does that extend to everyone no matter the circumstance (i. e. someone is dying but they committed an unrelated crime, it's a poor child who had to steal, etc). is the voice above the law?

4.) once again circling back to the voice being some sort of cult thing.

a.) does it have a following? if so, how big is it? are they trying to build one?

b) "the voice is my savior; i am their guardian." why would the voice need a guardian? is it being threatened by something? if so, what?

c.) can there be multiple guardians/puppets at a time?

d.) based on her backstory, are the voice's means of recruiting puppets by (doing something like) hypnotizing them only?

e.) if the voice is an angel assumedly no longer in the heavens, why does it even care about divine beings being worshipped?

f.) can the voice be killed?

5.) she has trust issues. why?

a.) who are her "allies"?

b.) does she easily make allies? does she even have friends?

c.) did she have friends prior to becoming a puppet?

d.) why can't she have a name or face? is it dangerous or is it because it'll encourage the voice's puppets to stop working for it?

e.) are statues like grim the only way the voice gets it's puppets?

6.) is ki like the mana of this world?

a.) are all puppets monks?

b.) what's (a) aasimar?

c.) she's of divine blood. does it come with other powers aside from those listed? to what extent does it make her immortal?

7.) aside from having it's own agenda, does the voice still do things under the thoughts of working for their god/s or deities?

a.) why is it using puppets to do it's bidding? are there not other ways to wreck havoc/get what it wants without them?

b.) does it still look like an angel, or has it been horribly disfigured? do they even have a face, or is it in a similar situation to it's puppets ("i have no name, no face.")?

8.) why was grim so different from the other statues?

a.) what made the sculptors design her so human?

a.) what made her so special to the voice? wouldn't the other sculptures be prime candidates as well?

b.) why was she being offered to nobles?

9.) you mentioned grim has difficulty trusting her allies. is she the same with lolnye? is their romantic interest in each other one-sided or reciprocated?

a.) is lolnye under the voice as well, or is she her own independent person?

b.) what does she look like? what's her personality?

c.) what made lolnye and grim meet? can they fall into a trope (enemies to lovers, a little more than coworkers, etc)?

d.) what was lolnye's upbringing like? did she even have one, or was she just created like grim?

OKAY SO I DEF NEED TO SLIP THIS UP INTO LIKE TWO, MAYBE THREE PARTS WHICH I LOVE

WOOOW, HOWW RUDE!! TLDR: Her Divine blood/abilities aren't made for her mortal form which...caused her to burn her! A.) No! Grim's look and appearance is unique to her and her alone! B.) Her areas around her eyes are charred because of her Radiant Consumption! The bright divine light that shines from her eyes is too much for her half mortal body! She over used her divine abilities which caused her eyes to go white and to burn around her eyes. Its hurts like a bitch but The Voice is persistent about her using it. C.) (NOT LORE: The mask is also because of her dnd SubClass as a monk.) The mask is specific to her and her alone, but Grim doesn't know that. The mask is like her face in a way, that is how she 'wants' to be perceived and it is def apart of the 'I have no face' thing! As she (and The Voice) sees it, to have a face and name means that you can be remembered and to be remembered means that youre important. She, Grim, is not important, she is simply a vessel to carry out the plans of The Voice.

Really? Hmm, interesting >:3 A.) Grim is actually the only 'Puppet' that has had their memories erased :D. B.) Grim does have control over her own body and she could go against The Voice BUT why would she? If The Voice, the 'reincarnation of mercy', deemed someone not worth saving, why should she question them? C.) If this person was a horrible person/deemed unworthy by The Voice Grim wouldn't even glance their way, other than that she's more than willing to get her hands dirty to save someone.

Grim considers The Voice the Law, cause she (Grim) isn't a person. A.) Grim has NO memory of her past. She doesn't remember her origins or the sins of The Voice, The Voice made sure of that. B.) A little bit of both! She follows the order of The Voice like a mindless follower, worshiping the divine light that is The Voice. But she also does consider this like her job! She seeks out the ills of the world and purges them from the earth. (Grim is a weird mix of The Grim Reaper, a plague doctor and a vigilante?) C.) HMMMMM TOUGH QUESTION MMMMMMMMM okay, the voice is above the Law to Grim considering that they are a....ya know a divine being! I do think that Grim has a soft spot for children and animals, so she does kinda go against The Voice when it comes to hurting one of those two!

:3 A.) It does have a following! It is was rather big before The Voice was sealed but after that it quickly dwindled. Now its just a small group of people. It IS trying to regrow its following! B.) The Voice doesn't really need a guardian but plants that seed of thought into Grim's brain to reinforce their dynamic and (toxic) bond. But there are higher beings (aka gods/deities) that go against/hate the voice. (Those are the ones who Sealed them away.) C.) The Voice considers all of their followers as their 'puppets' but Grim hasn't met another 'puppet' like her, aka a military/force/guardian. So as she (and we know), Grim is the only guardian but isn't the only puppet. D.) Its less hypnotizing and more emotional and mental manipulation! They use their heavenly status to just...be a DICK to everyone!! The Voice goes after those in need/naive or just weakminded people, they manipulate them (potential puppets) into believe that The Voice are their savoir! (The Voice isn't against blackmailing/ death threats to convert people either :D) E.) Because even if they aren't in heaven, they still SEE themselves as a divine being and despises the idea of being seen as any less than that! CLASSIC NARCISSIST MOVE!! F.) .....Hehehehehe......

[pluralsword]

If we had a nickel for every time two highly skilled transformer warriors with back stacks experienced medical malpractice from a high ranking antagonist that changed their physical form we’d have two nickels but it is super weird that it’s happened twice.

And even weirder when you consider that the old forged form of the canonical trans woman’s one is based off the 1980s reformat design of the g1 iteration of the character who went through this in 2003...

A bunch of trans folks including us talk with good reason about how Jhiaxus forcibly assigned trans gal Arcee her first lanky bot mode and car shape including her alt mode based on his idea of what a woman was (and not entirely her own wants) and with unnecessary procedures while conscious. As people who read our stuff like Addendum know we think it’s interesting when we account for the intentional 2012-2018 writing of Arcee as a sapphic trans woman to navigate a unique parallel lens on transmisogyny, medical gatekeeping, androcentrism, imperial progressivism and so forth...

But did you know that in 2003 Starscream forcibly inserted a new alt mode into big thigh Megatron in Dreamwave Armada and it was painful?

WTF Starscream. Internalized transphobia is not a good look for you dear. /j Nor is medical malpractice.

The image in question, this came up during some comic reading with some friends today (please note we use she/her pronouns for Dreamwave Armada Megs because that was the only way our brain could respond to the text with a laugh. Like, years of one of two of Arcee’s canon trans iterations as of 2022 on in our thoughts for years is why probably lmao):

[[ ID: Armada Starscream stabs something into Armada Megatron from behind with a SHHHK! sound, and Megatron screams with an “Arrrgh!.” She turns around and grabs a fearful Starscream by the throat and says: “Why you ungrateful, back stabbing- I should kill you where you stand!”

Megatron reels back in pain, still holding onto Starscream’s neck, who smiles calmly saying: “Relax Megatron. What’s wrong? Don’t you trust me? I just inserted a new download into your system. It should take effect any second now, so stop acting like a paranoid fool... ...and let the download work it’s magic.” End ID. ]]

Anime Armada Starscream was super cool but oh my gods this particular comic Armada Starscream goes on our list of truly the worst.

The weirdest thing is before reaching this panel we were joking about how Megatron is drawn with large thighs and said “...is Megatron on estrogens or was [she] just forged this way?” And then we read this.

Also for added ridiculousness IDW1 Jhiaxus and Armada Starscream share a body type. Like yes we could be talking about the autonomy violation of how Aunty en masse assigned modes for infiltration on Earth in G1 but at least- least the bots on both sides were unconscious for that.

If we ever get an Armada Megatron toy we are giving her two swords and that is that. It feels extra weird because we grew up with the anime and had no clue that this was happening separately.

Why Megatron x Arcee fanfics aren’t T4T we have no idea /lh /the psychic damage of dreamwave armada at least it’s not g1 dreamwave /wtf

It’s really really nice that later parts of IDW1 along with the whole of IDW2/IDW2019, the Transformers TTRPG, and Earthspark embraced a body autonomy narrative for alt mode that the three in their own ways (Earthspark the most blatantly, closely followed by IDW2) describe as an aesthetic realization, but that kind of reflection is something that crops up much earlier in transformers (a story for another time) while other related things were still being struggled with, that is, gender writing, which we personally think the growth of helped to inform how alt mode writing currently is.

Anyway, that’s another pluralsword ramble.

[lololollywrites]

So I’m honestly looking for help or advice here. I’ve gone my entire life believing that I’m neurotypical, despite never quite feeling like anyone else or fitting in. I just always thought I was... I don’t know. Quirky, weird. It’s mostly been internalized. I doubt my family would agree, for example, despite any one of them being the first to say that I’m a loner with special interests (they don’t know the half of it - not about tumblr or fanfiction, for example) who has carved out my own little niche of the world in which I can feel most comfortable (academia and travel, amongst other things). “Oh, Lauren’s the smart one who corrects our grammar and doesn’t want a typical life and doesn’t notice when men hit on her and can talk for hours about anything and remembers every detail of her childhood! She was reading novels at 6 years old, isn’t that funny?!”

But recently I’ve come across online content about ASD in adult women and how it looks different than we have long been told (and therefore how it gets overlooked and undiagnosed) and, well. It’s been resonating with me. Hard. I’m not necessarily struggling with life, but I’m also lacking a long-term relationship, a core friend group (it’s hard to fully connect with people or reveal my full personality, though part of that is also because I move a lot), and am finding myself more and more alone. Which is okay for the most part. It is. Honestly, the idea of sharing my apartment and giving up decision-making autonomy and even decorative control stresses me out. I’ve tried to work on myself by expanding my comfort zone - I’ve worked at it my entire life, which is why I traveled - but also... what if I could understand myself better? What if there’s more to it? (I did discover that there might be more but it got long, so... sorry in advance. But if you can relate, I would LOVE it if you did read and could help me!)

I just took the RAADS-R assessment (a bit frustrating, as many of my answers would generally depend on the situation and there was no option for that); I tried my best to be conservative and practical with my selections. I still scored a 104. Scores range from 0-227, and a score of 65 is when ASD is considered (and even likely), though obviously one online test is not enough for a diagnosis. Non-autistic people can score as high as 90, apparently (and autistic people can score as low as 44), so 104 is not conclusive, but it’s made me think.

It’s sort of a relief in a way, but it’s also something I don’t think my family would ever be on board with or understand since I’m the “normal”, stable, level-headed, successful one. Which obviously doesn’t preclude autism (honestly many of these traits have helped me tremendously), but there are so many misconceptions out there. And they love me and mean well, but I know they’d also ask why it matters, since I’m 33 years old and have done fine until now. But they don’t know what it feels like to scratch at your skin and never truly feel like you’ve figured yourself out. Why you’re different and why nothing has ever made sense. Why other people are so infuriating.

My traits? Well, they don’t all fit. Or at least I didn’t think so until I started typing them out.

I am easily overwhelmed by social situations (I can’t stand nightclubs and had an anxiety attack before I first went out in college), but I’ve gotten better. I’ve practiced. Interrupting can be a problem for me because I get excited when people say things that interest me. I don’t find sarcasm or jokes or social cues difficult to understand, but I’ve also... practiced. I’m very, very aware of what I say, how I act, and how others perceive me, though this has become more natural with age. I was always so gullible as a kid that it was a joke in my family. I’m compassionate and empathetic to a fault; I believe the best in people, which has hurt me. Textures and noises don’t particularly bother or overwhelm me, but I did once burst into tears in a Shanghai bar because it was too much. Just... too much. I never once believed in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy and grilled my parents with very specific questions regarding why I should be expected to (though only when my little sister wasn’t around). Despite this, between the ages of 5-7, I slept at the very edge of my pillow so as so leave plenty of room for my parents to take my tooth in the middle of the night and not accidentally wake me, as I knew it would be embarrassing for them and potentially also wake up my sister.

I once slept in an inflatable raft for an entire summer as a kid because I felt like it was a safe cradle. I used to be such a perfectionist that my parents considered homeschooling me. I got in trouble for reading too quickly because teachers thought it was impossible to complete the assignments at the rate I did. I always completed all the group work at school - not because my group mates took advantage of me (though there was a little of that), but because I couldn’t stand what they turned in to me and wanted to do it myself. Travel was my way of proving to myself that I didn’t need the same daily routine; I learned to create my safe space wherever I was in the world. I didn’t want my worries and anxiety to limit my experiences, so I didn’t let it. Then travel just became a new part of my comfort zone. I would self-soothe and reassure myself it would be okay by imagining my new safe space, which would always involve my computer, my Kindle, an internet connection, and being alone. With those things, I’d be okay.

I used to talk so fast as a kid that my mom joked I should be the person who spoke at the end of radio commercials (when they share all the legal disclaimers at high speed). I’ve practiced that too and gotten better, but I always need to be aware of my rate of speech. I went into teaching to sort of... practice public speaking, eye contact, and increasing my confidence (as well as to try to build that natural cadence). And it’s helped. This has always led me to the assumption that yes, see, I’m neurotypical. Everyone has these thoughts and foibles. When I discovered fanfiction in high school I told everyone about it, mind-blown at how miraculous it was, before I realized that people were looking at me funny and thought I was weird. So I stopped. And then discovered online communities.

Even as a 24 year-old, on a Fulbright orientation in an Indonesian hotel, sitting in a circle on the floor in a group of 30 fellow Fulbrighters about to embark on a year-long placement around the country, I apparently talked too much. I had no idea. I was two-months fresh off a year in China and we were participating in ice breakers, sharing advice and travel stories, and I thought I was being helpful. I felt free - finally I was in a community of fellow travelers, and I guess I let my guard down. My family couldn’t relate to all of my China stories and eventually got bored, and I was still processing my experience. I thought that these fellow travelers cared what I had to say. That it was safe. One of the girls I liked (and we did later become friends when she apologized months later) came up to me after one of these sessions and said “As much as I like your stories, Lauren, don’t you think you talked too much?” I was mortified. I totally shut down. I felt pushed to the side in that group - my only real friends, looking back, were the few other loners, including one girl who openly discussed her ASD. We were in contact for years after that and we naturally understood each other. She asked me to talk *more* about China with genuine interest. Maybe that says something.

Anyway. I’m having a bit of an emotional moment right now. I guess this could all be nothing. Or something. I know maybe I should pursue an official diagnosis, but I don’t know if that’s worth it or not. I trust people here. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Or have you self-diagnosed at any point? Does the truth of that label impact your life, and in what ways? Thank you. And sorry for the very, very long ramble. (And that’s something I’ve become accustomed to doing - apologizing!) And I truly hope I haven’t offended anyone or made it seem as though I’m acting like this is a confirmed diagnosis. That’s not it at all - I am very unsure. I just truly would appreciate some guidance. ❤️

[oflgtfol]

just saw ur symbiote post and oh my god I met a devoted Venom fan whose favorite is AntiVenom and god did that like…..lowkey offend me??? like dawg wanted a tool and not a partner/bodymate that’s with you all the time and hangs out with you??? so boring

god i truly do not care for anti-venom. the idea of a symbiote, any symbiote, that's just some mindless being there for the host to use as a tool is just so messed up to me, and it's a real kicker when people get all riled up about symbiotes controlling their hosts but then act like it's totally fine when it's the other way around, like it's a two way street baby both symbiote and host need to respect each other and have autonomy otherwise it's fucked up

i guess theoretically if anti-venom was presented less as like, "the remnants of venom symbiote left behind in host's bloodstream form together to make another symbiote again, but this time a mindless one that the host can manipulate at will" and more like. just the way that having a symbiote be in you for so long might alter YOUR own personal body, in ways that would give you symbiote-like powers, but without an actual symbiote involved?? then maybe i'd be down. but as soon as you say Oh yeah, anti-venom involves an actual symbiote too, it's just mindless, then it's like -- you're treating it like a fucking inanimate object?

anyway. so thats my Symbiote Defense Squad opinion on anti-venom. marvel comics constantly make me witness crimes against humanity being wielded against symbiotes and then having everyone be a-okay with it because they aren't human as if that makes it alright in the end

but even in a more superficial way it's just.... it's so fucking boring. it is so damn boring. anti-venom (or really any other symbiote/host pair, when you ignore the symbiote involved) is essentially just Marvel Superpowered Character With Weird Monster-Like Design #32904854903095032. there's nothing unique or interesting about it. i mean the visual design is cool i guess but there's so many fucking people in these comics who have similar things going on. it's been done before and it's boring

the whole appeal of venom, and symbiotes in general, is the idea of this human person who is completely normal on their own, then becoming superpowered not due to their own abilities but because of a little friend sharing their mind and body. the whole appeal is the give and take of two beings with their own thoughts, feelings, and needs having to foster a friendship, or at least an alliance, together in order to get shit done. the whole appeal is the relationship between symbiote and host otherwise it becomes boring and cliche and uninteresting, because again, ignoring the symbiote's role makes the pair just become a human with some weird shit going on, which is pretty much 70% of all ten thousand million marvel characters. its just so fucking boring

[pisspope]

👀🥰😡

Ahhhh hi miss kat !!!!!!!!!!

👀: How does your ship with your f/o influence both of your characterisations and the world? Would there be any interesting metas written about your dynamic? 

See this is sort of where I’ve shot myself in the foot because I tried to make my character affect the plot as little as possible so I could slip them in there and not have to worry about overarching consequences in the story 😅 Although I guess we do both influence each other’s characterisations and end up revealing more about our personalities and motivations through our interactions with each other. We really only see the softer aspects of Zeke’s personality through his relationships with Eren, Grisha, and Ksaver, all of whom used him for their own purposes. I think it would be quite revealing to explore the dynamics of his relationship with a character who didn’t see him as pathetic and didn’t seek to gain anything from him (besides attention and, if pressed, affection). Cake in this incarnation is a less intense zekelena; cat sees him as a hero of marley who deserves respect, and zeke sees them as a member of his faithful coterie (cult AU when) that he places above the rest because they have the gall to occasionally defy or question him. Could definitely see metas being written regarding how the two of them view respect, the implications of a marleyan and an eldian relationship (the way it echoes ksaver’s relationship with his wife is a sticking point), and the obvious cognitive dissonance that comes with a man who supports the euthanasia of his people actively pursuing a sexual relationship.

🥰: How would someone who loved you portray you?

As a sarcastic and witty little guy! I think a real sign of love in portrayals of cat (because there are oh so many) is making me a bit funnier than I actually am. Because, yes, I think I am that funny, but it’s an act of love to like me enough to believe the hype. Probably also mention my forest green eyes or my button nose or something. Little details.

😡: How would someone who hated you portray you?

Annoying! As so annoying! And they would be right but that wouldn’t make it sting less. Also cat being an afab civilian who gets crushed by the Rumbling means there would be bad faith takes about their lack of autonomy in the story. As if the inevitability of their death (and the death of hundreds of other civilians) isn’t part of the point.

[gnome-of-writing]

I’m an INFP Scorpio I’m only 5ft tall, my love language is gift giving, and quality time, but I’m touch starved and crave physical touch.

I am non-binary and have long wavy poofy hair and wear glasses. I like to watch films and draw and write.

I love to talk and am friendly but I’m really shy at first. I hyper fixate on things, and am really devoted and loyal. I’m Pan and ace.

I dream of living in a cottage in the woods I like isolation, also I love going to the beach, but I don’t love the people. I have a hard time trusting and doubt when people compliment me and are nice to me, I think they are lying or want something from me.

I love to help and be useful out but have a hard time standing up for myself. I struggle with self love and self worth. I like the quiet and the night time. Some people think I’m crazy… for the way I think about ghost and the universe, I have a lot of Existential thoughts.

Some traits I’d like in a partner are someone who will protect me who will make me feel safe, but someone’s who gentle with me. I also enjoy fun and silly cute traits because I’m a fun silly person too on the inside. I need comfort and acceptance and a lot of assurance. I like to do a lot of things like garden and bake. Also I’m baby and a I like to sleep a lot so someone who likes to cuddle would be nice.

Thank you in advance.

- @monsternightfunkin 💙

After some pondering, I'd say your best match would be with...

Minus!Lemon! :D

Minus would no doubt be able to get you out of your initial shell, he's just that kind of guy. A silly, sweet lemon guy. Minus likes to talk a lot too, especially with an ear to listen.

Minus may be a bit scared of your existential thoughts, but it isn't because of you. It's due to how sheltered he's been for most his life. He doesn't have much experience with the outside world, and it's a lot bigger than he ever could've imagined. He won't shame you for having belief in ghosts and such though, not at all- he believes in that stuff as well, actually- but the otherworldly scares him and he'd like to not think too hard on that stuff himself.

Minus is a big fan of your artistic endeavors. He'd love it if you'd read your works to him- he doesn't know how to read but nonetheless he is very interested in what you've written. He gets very excited when he sees your drawings as well. Drawing is an art medium he better understands- it's purely visual.

When Minus compliments you, it's guaranteed to be genuine. He hasn't got a reason to lie, and even if he did, he wouldn't. Not on anything like a compliment. But he would never lie about a compliment. Minus can be known for blurting out compliments whenever- if he likes something, he says so. He hasn't got anything to gain from compliment you besides your reaction.

You will absolutely feel safe with Minus. He's strong, protective, loyal, and just the right amount of cautious. Oh, and buff.

With Minus' freedom from the monster hunters, he is free to be himself. It takes him a little getting used to though, simply because of years of being programmed to act a certain way instead of his own way. As he comes into his own autonomy, he's a very silly and goofy guy- Minus, too, is baby. Minus generally means well, but he can be a little bit of a hazard at times, having more energy than he himself knows what to do with now. This doesn't mean he has no control though- he has a lot, actually. He just can get a bit carried away sometimes, but he knows how to reel it back in when it gets too far out of hand.

Minus is amazing with cuddles. But he wants to be the big spoon- due in part to his large size and due to the gaping chest he's got. You could try to be the big spoon though, with enough trust. And effort, because, uh you're 5ft tall and he's. well. Big. Minus as the big spoon prefers to cuddle holding you at his side or in a heap with you, but if you're big spoon you can nuzzle into his tum or lay across his belly like he's a great big pillow :)

After a while of being free, his fur grows back and he becomes immensely fluffy. Which is very, very good for cuddling, especially coupled with the fact that- as said before- this lemon is Swole hehe. Just a reasonable amount though.

Minus would love to live out in the forest with you, and he'd be more than happy to build the cottage himself. He has a similar stance on people as you, although he has a bit higher threshold for them. People he doesn't know can exhaust him and/or overwhelm him after a short period of time, so he'd prefer to keep away from them as well. After all the monster hunters had done to him, he holds a mistrust for people he doesn't know. Minus also likes the beach too, although he's not one for swimming. He's afraid of the water, actually. He'll more than gladly stay with you in the sand though, and he will be wanting to build a sand castle, there is zero doubt about that. If you decide to take a dip in the water, he'll be keeping a close eye on you to make sure your safe. Despite his fear of water, if you ever seemed to be in trouble- even in the slightest- he's come rushing to your rescue.

><><><><><><><><><><

I know you really like Flesh!Monster but I don't know much about them (although they look like a very sweet dear) so I wasn't going to include them as a result even though I did really want to.

(This was an old draft I edited a bit just now. I didn't mean for this to be so so late dhdbhdb)

(I know more about Flesh. and subsequently Omega. now though, but I also know you've given them up though [hug] sorry bestie. I hope you enjoyed this though, once I send this to you anyways... yes this would technically be past me speaking to you lol)

[everysongineverykey]

the way stanley so fascinatingly blurs the lines between full character and player insert. the way stanley is silent, completely under our control, and devoid of any interesting personality traits (and just any personality traits at all), such that you could just imagine yourself in his place and basically nothing would change. the way he ostensibly is just a vessel for the player through which to experience this world, but once you play a little ways through the game, clearly becomes not that.

the way the narrator is constantly aware that stanley is being controlled by a real human player behind a screen, or at least logically should be, since he, y'know, made the game and knows it's on steam and that real people have played it, yet almost never addresses the player in-game, treating the player's choices like they're stanley's.

like, seriously. the only times he ever acknowledges the player are during the broom closet gag and the not stanley ending- and in the latter, he acts like he didn't know there was a real person controlling stanley, even though... he should! he really, really should! he knows he's in a game, that's on steam, and has been played by real people! and yet he speaks to stanley like the game players are separate from him ("this is what the players want, stanley", etc, etc). he speaks freely to stanley about how they're in a game, about what the players will think of such-and-such, and altogether treats stanley like a full, sentient, unpossessed person, even though he has to know he's not. and it isn't just a matter of him saying "stanley" as a means of addressing the player whose name he doesn't know, either- when stanley falls so deep into the game's code the narrator loses him, the narrator starts wondering just what stanley means by all this. i wonder what he found. he needs me. he's not talking to anyone, just musing to himself. he thinks of stanley fully as stanley.

and he treats stanley's choices like they're stanley's own, too! he completely ignores (except in the real person ending) the fact that stanley can't choose a thing, that we're the ones controlling him! the zending: oh, stanley, is this how much you dislike my game? stanley, don't jump, don't hurt yourself! well, stanley, this choice is yours. what an interesting line. this choice is yours. no, it's not, and you should know that. stanley doesn't get a say in any of this, and yet the narrator treats him like he does, acts like stanley's the one causing trouble and saving the day and breaking out of the map. he's almost enthusiastic in his assertion of stanley's autonomy, and once you play and see that, stanley starts to feel much more like a full character than you ever thought possible.

and so stanley ends up in a weird grey area between player insert and fully realized character, where he has no personality or voice and is ostensibly a blank slate, but is treated like his own person so often and enthusiastically by the narrator that it no longer feels right to say he's just a vessel- he's stanley. he's the narrator's friend, not us.

[saphiiiic]

Laura Neal literally had Eve not wanting anything to do with Villanelle at the beginning of the season. Literally had Eve STILL investigating the twelve and going on a suicide mission WITHOUT Villanelle at the beginning of the season. Literally have Eve be the one to pursue Villanelle in the end. Literally have Eve be the one to suggest to Villanelle that they are fate.

But oh no, the DYNAMIC pulled her into danger. You’re basically saying here that Eve has no autonomy over her actions even though YOUR writing contradicts this.

It was always a mutual destruction, and that is what made their dynamic so electrifying. They would always return to one another because they BOTH couldn’t help it. And are we forgetting here that Eve was the one to become interested in Villanelle FIRST in season one?

Oh but Eve can finally get her happy ending AFTER Villanelle is dealt with, oh she’s the devil. Even though YOU wrote Eve being the happiest we have ever seen her in the finale when she is acting like a married couple with Villanelle. YOU wrote Villaneve actually working in a couple dynamic, where Villanelle was a soft puppy that just wanted to kiss her girlfriend on the cheek and have banter. But oh no it could never of worked with Eve?

The more I read what Laura Neal is saying the more I am convinced that Jodie and Sandra really did go off script for the entire season and just played the dynamic THEY KNOW is true for their characters because my god I’ve never seen such stupidity from a writer where every single thing they say contradicts what the storytelling is telling the audience.

So much of what Laura is saying sounds very much like homophobia. How Villanelle is the horrible queer person who ruined a straight woman’s life and now she’s dead! Yay! So Eve can finally go back to a normal life and have a happy ending.

It’s sickening, truly sickening.

The only two people that matter are Jodie and Sandra. THEY know the Villaneve dynamic better than anyone. THEY know the truth. Not some crackpot so called professional writer writing her own fan fiction for herself.