#ok enough me rambling before i become more incoherent with my thoughts

[krynutsreal]

still working on requests fellow humans sorry on the hold up I've been distracted all day acting normal about the recent chapter of my fav fic

[celine-song]

You said you had thoughts on how they handled wesper and honestly I would love to read them!

ok i'll try to organize my thoughts but i'll probably just end up rambling incoherently im sorry!

a lot of people have said this by now, but the soc storylines were super rushed and it really harmed the character development imo. a lot of things happened way too early to make sense or have the emotional impact they could. and a lot of the flavor that wesper has in the books is due to how long it takes them to get there, similarly to how the tension between kaz and inej is what makes them so compelling and interesting to watch.

instead we have jesper whine a little about wylan being too green, then see him blow some stuff up and be like ok nevermind you're cool now. where's the gradual build of trust where's jesper grilling and messing with wylan because he has a crush but isn't super aware of it and also they completely erased jesper's unrequited feelings for kaz which i think is boring bc in the books it's like a really tragic thing because jesper tries desperately to prove himself to kaz and he doesn't feel good enough and maybe secretly fears that he is unlovable and masks that with his bravado and him learning to be vulnerable with wylan, especially about being grisha, is SO IMPORTANT and we just didn't quite get to experience that. not to mention i think his feelings for kaz were stopping him from realizing how he feels for wylan, because he's so used to longing for something he can't have that when there's someone waiting for him, he doesn't realize it.

in the show we get a speech about jesper not really doing relationships that's supposed to sum up the character development that leads him to embrace his feelings for wylan but it just doesn't work when he says he got to know wylan and it changed everything bc DID WE SEE THEM GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER??? THIS IS EPISODE FOUR. if jesper is so afraid of intimacy why is he doing this in episode four then. what changed. wylan played the piano? come on now.

to me it just doesn't make sense with both of their personalities to jump into this so fast. jesper is afraid of intimacy, he's hiding a pretty big part of himself, he doesn't trust wylan at first, and it all stops mattering in 4 episodes. wylan is in completely new territory, he doesn't know these people, kaz is being really scary, wylan isn't brave, or doesn't think he's brave,and he is also hiding a very big part of himself, IS SO SO INSECURE, and he still manages to master the courage to kiss jesper? it's too easy. and it doesn't feel earned and they just become another tv couple to me like there's no flavor. kanej was rushed too but at least they still kept their spice skdvnsdjkvn

also it's kinda a waste of the chemistry kit and jack have like those few episodes of longing glances were so good jack was giving it his all. i wish they did more of that like the subtle "oh no i'm falling in love with this mess of a human being" on both sides is so fun to observe.

i think wesper were kinda their biggest fanservice-y point, like even in the interviews before the season dropped they leaned into it so much and they just had to show them in bed together as soon as they could and i get not knowing if season 3 is even going to happen and wanting to give the fans as much as you can but i'd still rather have more buildup and have the boys acknowledge their feelings in the season finale or something so it HITS. i hope people who haven't read the books are having fun but they don't know what they're missing sdkvjnsdjkv it could be so much better it could be fireworks and the soft oh and everything! ugh

[therealeagal]

Socially conscious bullying

Ecce Eagalicus, populi philosophus, Socratis intellectuale progenies!

Don't worry, that will become hilarious in a bit.

Shout-outs to Google translate, which is all-knowing and wise.

Decide for yourselves whether my words have value, or if they are naught but the ravings of a madman.

This is going to be a long one. I'm saving up my rambles these days, and I'm an old man, closer to 100 years old than I am to 1000 years old, so I may repeat some of my old points that I forgot I already made. Bear with me. Or possibly bare with me. Or don't do either of these things. Whatever floats your boat.

Whichever you decide, don't @ me, bro. I am but a humble internet philosopher, attempting, in my own fumbling way, to explore the human experience. I'm not here to debate. Just to pontificate.

Let's begin.

You know who doesn't get enough appreciation for the effort they put in? Socially conscious bullies.

In the old days bullying was simple. You could call someone the spicy f-bomb (the one used against homosexuals) or the "r-word" (the one used against those with intellectual disabilities) and call it a day. But nowadays you could get canceled for that shit.

So the bullies had to get creative. Here on socially conscious tumblr, they had to come up with new words to use to bully people. The goal is only to bully one person, without offending anyone who might inadvertently be part of the group you are using as an example of terribleness.

I mean, I guess you could use a group that almost everyone hates, like Nazis or Vegans. But that's just lazy. You gotta think outside the box or what's the point?

Example: Incoherent. I've been on tumblr for nearly 10 years by now. During my storied career, I've never been called a jackass (well, not by someone else). Nor have I been called an idiot. Moron, no. Fool, sadly not. I was told to get fucked once. Started a tumblr death spiral once because I made a joke about Christian politicians that I won't get into. I thought it was funny, but I guess that's just the perils of comedy.

As a famous comedian once said, you always take shots from people who just don't get the joke.

So it goes.

But more than anything else, I've been called incoherent. And it always makes me scratch my head, because I always thought my style was fairly easy to understand. I mean, ok I jump around a bit. A lot. I go off on tangents occasionally, but it's not like I'm writing in bloody Latin (I told you so).

I guess there's just no accounting for people who are unable to properly grasp my incredible genius.

But then I realized that I was being bullied. Because I had opinions that people didn't agree with. Praising the shit they hated, or criticizing the shit they love. And since they couldn't just call me the spicy F-bomb and call it a day, they had to find a new word to undermine my opinions, since they couldn't rightly contest them (not that I am terribly inclined to entertain dissenting opinions anyway).

I'm not really that upset about it. I will admit that I do occasionally poke the proverbial bear, so it's probably on me. Maybe it was gauche of me to tell that one person to eat shit and die. Which one person? Idunno. I've told lots of people to eat shit and die. I should try to cut back on that, actually.

In fact, now that I think about it, I know it's on me, because you should never tell people that they're wrong. Even when they are. Especially when they are. It just causes more problems.

And also also also! I almost forgot this. I'm sure we've discussed this before, but bullying doesn't count as bullying when the quote unquote "victim" deserves to be bullied. Or if it does, it doesn't count as wrong.

Consider: Is it acceptable to wish death upon someone? Is it acceptable to wish only the most violent and painful of deaths upon another human being (in a purely hypothetical non-actionable manner that in no way suggests you wish to be party to the wholly theoretical death, nor that you wish to instigate anyone else to visit such an occurrence upon another person, regardless of how much they assuredly deserve it)?

I don't know. Do you know? You tell me.

Related discussion: Are "acceptable" and "good" the same, and if not, are they interdependent? Is it possible for something to be acceptable while not being necessarily good?

Is it possible for something to be, in its own way, good, in its own specific context, while being otherwise unacceptable in other contexts?

How about an object example?

Is name-calling wrong? How about insinuating that someone is a homosexual as a method of ridicule? How about making fun of his weight? How about making fun of the color of his skin? How about mocking his insecurities about the size of his extremities?

Is it, in fact, wrong to call Donald Trump a fat, orange, tiny-handed, tiny-penised, piece of shit who's gay for Vladimir Putin? One hates to keep bringing Trump up, but the man is a microcosm of human foibles. He's just so useful.

The lesson here is that liking things the cool kids hate is morally on the same level as Donald Trump, and thus it's perfectly acceptable to bully anyone who expresses anything other than absolute contempt for those things.

Just an example, say, the show that was inspired by Discworld, The Watch, which per our agreement, is probably like unto so much garbage that literally Mein Kampf is better than it.

Anything the cool kids hate, you should hate too. Everything the cool kids like, you should like too. Personal opinions are personal for a reason. Let's make sure they stay that way, huh?

That having been said, in the end, that leaves us with a pickle.

Do we break our own rules to condemn it, thus opening ourselves up to further accusations that we are incoherent, having established that incoherent is like unto the worst of slurs?

Or do we applaud the dedication to social consciousness? It seems rather gauche. The cool kids are against bullying these days, aren't they? I don't know, but it seems like they would be.

Is this a catch-22? It's a conundrum, I'll tell you that much free gratis.

It's important to remember that social consciousness is not about redefining who you can and cannot be mean to. I don't know that there's a formal definition floating around about what social consciousness specifically is, but generally speaking, it's about making sure you're sensitive to the needs and beliefs of, ideally, everyone, but as we live in an imperfect world we must settle for being sensitive to as many people as reasonably possible. It's basically the opposite of being mean is what I'm getting at.

But some people just deserve being mean to. It's sort of a yin-yang sort of thing. Fusion of opposites. With the understanding that the recipient of ridicule - Donald Trump, Hitler, Mussolini, Santa Claus - has in some way earned that ridicule, the goal is to reduce or even eliminate the number of people you might potentially offend other than the intended recipient of your ridicule (provided that they are not similarly deserving of our scorn). That, my children, is socially conscious bullying.

Does any of that make sense or is it too incoherent?

[milkbreadtoast]

! ur art introduced me to herb/werewolf and its sooo sweet and cute ! ^^ i dont play the games that much but i love the little cookies sm still. . . theres something so hopeful abt that ship !! do u have thoughts, what things they could learn from the other? :3

!!!!!WAAA YAY thank you Im so happy to hear that omg🥺🥺🥺💓... hopeful..!! that's a nice way to put it... herbwolf feels healing🥲... as for what they could learn... I've been trying to think abt how to answer ur ask which is why im answering rly late but it's a hard question KFJKSJ... i'm just gonna ramble and hope that's enough mdbfvdn (also tumblr deleted half my reply and i had to rewrite it💀 srry if this is rly repetitive and incoherent im tired)

i think werewolf is someone who's scared of loving and being loved... in the past when he tried to protect someone he cared deeply about, it went so wrong and he lost everything... (its funny how devsis just never revealed who his friend was 💀kshdjd) He's been hurting so much from being cast out and hated and feared, and it still hurts him every time cookies misunderstand him... But he also knows that he poses a real danger to others; it's implied he's hurt cookies before when transformed, and he doesnt want that to happen at all costs. So he's scared of getting close to others...he tells himself he's better off alone, not only to protect others but to protect his own heart... and he hates and fears the dangerous side of himself he can't control, the "monster", and thus sees himself as unlovable... (But at the same time, he has sm love to give and wants deeply to be loved!!😢)

I think werewolf would fall rly hard for herb, but have mixed feelings abt dating him... Of course he's really really happy, but he's also scared... and that thing of feeling sad even tho you're rly happy? bc u feel like u dont deserve it/like this feeling isnt meant to last... But I think more than anything else, he'd be scared of hurting/endangering someone he loves... he'd never forgive himself if smth happened to herb... so if herb loves him back, he's beyond happy, but he's like is this really ok if i have a chance of hurting him...

I would want werewolf to learn from herb's mindset that it's okay to live in the moment and cherish the small things in life that make you smile and laugh or cry... I think herb would tell him that its okay to cry and feel sad, but also that it's okay to let himself feel happy too?? That he wants to cherish every moment with him, and he wants him to do the same🤧 And that he's not afraid of being hurt... bc being hurt is natural and we all hurt others without meaning to, but what matters is what we do after,, and make it abt plants bc hes plant maniac smfhjd smth like how the sun comes after the rain and new sprouts grow, and smth smth trees become stronger and new life grows after being burned in forest fires IDK u get the picture🥲 BUT YEA!! herb thinks small everyday moments are precious and meant to be cherished, and he wouldn't want werewolf to be afraid and dwell on the possibility of hurting him/being hurt and not let himself feel happy and live in the moment, or think he doesnt deserve to be happy... Even small fleeting happinesses are precious, like rays of sunshine, or flowers that only bloom at night, and rather than focusing on their impermanence or letting them slip u by, let urself soak in their warmth and believe that life is full of these moments, just as the sun is sure to shine again after the rain (im just spouting bullshit now snfksfo&3);£|>~) ...and that it's ok to let himself love and he deserves to be loved!! and that it's okay to admit that ur sad and lonely, and its ok to need other cookies... 🤧

As for what herb could learn from werewolf... im sure there a lot of things but my brain is kinda fried after that incoherent wall of text 🤪 so going off topic but one thing i do like abt 🌱🐺 dynamic tho is i think it lets 🌱 get to be more bold and take more initiative?? bc herb is an introvert type but 🐺 is like... has 0 dating experience and wouldnt ever like try to flirt intentionally or advance a romantic relationship... like i think he's the type to do caring and romantic things without realizing/without the intention of being romantic and wouldnt consciously try to get closer... so i think in the early stages 🌱 would be the one to like. make moves... invite him to drink tea as thanks for helping him out or go for a walk together n stuff... i just think herb would have the opportunity to be a bit more active in advancing their relationship dmgnnd (itd def be a slow burn w them tho🤧) And I feel like herb as a partner to werewolf rly brings out herb's strengths... like his outlook on life and his capacity to soothe and heal... i like to see it 🤧

Also semi related but i hc herb as a little older than werewolf.. just by a yr or 2 at most 🥺 it doesnt make a big diff but it's so cute to me... werewolf being the bigger/taller/more muscular one but being (a bit) younger☺️☺️ also i like how its kind of reversed from other dynamics (eg sparkling/herb... sparkling def feels older than herb to me🤧 which is fine ofc but!! herb being the older one in 🐺🌱 is so cute🥺🥰) Also unrelated but... the way herbwolf is literally sun/moon symbolism...... (and both their super epic skins have matching full moon theme... if devsis is going to throw these scraps at me i have no choice but to eat them!😔🤲)

[sparklingpax]

We return to another episode of Kuni rambles incoherently on tumblr with a phone at 18%

Alternately titled, someone take my phone the f r ag away from me

Ok. I apologize if someone else has come up with this idea first and this is therefore a pale comparison to the original idea, but um, here goes. 

I want an au (?? Might have a different name based on what I'm talking about Actually, but brain Fried so I can't remember) where optimus gets to talk to his youngest self--to Orion Pax :0

Note: the times it mentions Optimus is like. from Op’s pov? Since Orion never learns his name?? If that makes sense?? Sorry this is so confusing aa a a--

so anyway Sorry for typos and grammar stuff, I'm typing this on my phone as it slowly dies Hfkdjsj hH 😳

///

Orion is pulled from his study books at the sound of footsteps.

A shadow is cast over him.

Wonder and disbelief spark in his gaze as he stares up at the rather grand figure before him.

This mech--plating a nearly exact match to his own in the red, blue, and silver coloring--seems to possess an air about him that is...neither true confidence, nor uncertain existence.

At the very least, it seems he knows who he is, and his purpose in this world. Something Orion is still working on.

Silence rests between them.

Optimus, meanwhile, feels an overwhelming sense of yearning.

Seeing Orion--seeing himself--he wishes he could go back to those days.

The simpler days of youthful naivety towards life.

When Cybertron still thrived under golden days and the silvery illumination of the moons at night.

When the buildings stood tall and beautiful and untouched.

When he could never have known the awful sight of a corpse at the end of his own sword, or the unnatural cries a bot makes as it is brutally murdered next to you, and you can do nothing but continue to fend for your own life...

"You are...studying for a quarterly exam?" Optimus asks, leaning closer to see the book. He recognizes the cover and feels a twinge in his spark.

He remembers the book.

...And that he never enjoyed Chemistry much.

"...I am.....but...how did you know?" Orion stands slowly to meet the gaze of the mech standing over his desk. His gaze turns to light worry and confusion.

Orion is acutely aware of a feeling in his spark that...a lot about this mech feels familiar.

Somehow even...intimately.

"A-actually...um...."

He stammers in the silence, fishing desperately for the words to use that would ask his question, yet still be polite.

After all, 'are you related to me?' is definitely an awkward--perhaps intrusive--question to ask a complete stranger...

Optimus continues to regard the young bot, slightly amused.

He knows what Orion is hoping to ask, but also that it would be hard to ask a question like that upfront, at least when he was a younger mech.

"Orion Pax," Optimus says, placing his servos on his hips.

"Y-yes?"

"Be careful not to stay up too late with that book. Tests require knowledge, but they also require one to be awake to take them...and sleep--"

"--helps a processor function, yes..." the smaller mech sighs, frustrated. He's heard that one before, but his mind isn't thinking about that at the moment.

Alright, so he knows my name, too. But...I've never met him? There's absolutely no way he doesn't know me somehow... but how could I possibly--

"Orion?"

He jolts at his name, almost blurting the question before pulling himself back.

The mech standing over his desk gives the gentlest of smiles and rests a firm servo on Orion's shoulder.

"I know what you are going to ask, Orion."

"You...do?"

"And I will tell you as much as I can."

What is he, inside my head now?

But he receives an answer that shocks him more than that would.

"I....am you, Orion, and beneath my title and age from my timeline....I am still you," he pauses, beginning to look a little sad now.

Orion blinks a few times, absolutely shocked.

"....but you're so....tall..." Is all he manages to murmur before realizing what he just said and instantly feeling heat rush to his face.

Optimus tightens his jaw as he doesn't wish to embarrass the archivist any further by laughing.

I was less careful with my thoughts and emotions once. If only I still knew how...

"I am a Prime, and I am fighting a war."

"A war?" Orion frowns in thought.

There's hasn't been a war since the revolution against the Quintesson oppressors.

What need had Cybertron to fight again?

"Is it an invasion of Cybertron to come? Or a resources conflict?"

And me? Fighting in that war? But...I fail every self-defense practice with Megatronus, at that's true no matter how hard I try...

Optimus feels his chest grow heavy as he remembers the pain Megatron's anger alone had caused him after the council of Halogen.

The guilt, regret, frustration at his friend's obstinance, fear, sadness...

He realizes quickly that he can't possibly unload the heavier truth to Orion--to himself--all over again.

He can't...bring himself to tell Orion that his closest friend and mentor would be the leading force in a centuries-long, gritty, bleak and somewhat horribly hopeless war against him and his cause.

So he instead offers a rather sad smile, and chooses not to answer the question.

"Orion, hear my words, even if you don’t understand them at present. No matter what happens or who around you turns for the darker path, you must never lose your spark, hope, or your character."

"My spark....and character?" He echoes, distantly. "Hope?"

"Indeed," Optimus affirms, feeling an uneasiness of his own. 

The light in his eyes has dulled, yet they also maintain a grim light to them.

One that tells Orion that this mech has seen things he wished never to have seen, and never to see again. 

A grief so strong it....scares him.

Orion feels a wave of uneasiness wash over his whole body.

Something very dark is somewhere in the future...and now he has something to do with it?

And...it involves him becoming bigger, taller, stronger? Learning to fight...to kill, maybe? 

To kill means to take a life. To end it. 

Orion swallows, at last processing the other part of what the mech had told him.

He had to become a Prime??

"I--but I couldn't...not in any dream could I..." He trails off, feeling almost too much at once. 

I cannot kill. 

Optimus senses the turmoil he's set in the younger mech and feels guilty immediately.

"Do not worry," he consoles him, reaching for his smaller servos. He then looks Orion in the eye, knowing the firmness will settle his mind. "My being here alone may be enough to stop what might happen to you, to this planet..."

Orion indeed beings to feel the pounding in his spark settle just a little.

A war would mean all kinds of devastation he couldn't begin to imagine...but this mech was from another timeline.

Perhaps we...are destined for another future.

"Above all, know that if you never lose yourself, then....whatever you become will be just as true as that," he tells him. The words are weighted with something profound. 

The archivist knows in his spark that it will be a long time before he can grasp that emotion, but he is fine with that. 

Orion blinks at him, feeling a new wave of mixed emotions he can't define. He feels himself tense as he tries to control it.

But the mech's hand reaches to his arm.

He nods encouragingly, and Orion just knows the Prime doesn't want him to pent up his emotions.

"In my eyes, Orion, you have always been a prime..."

Optimus draws back at last and slowly begins to leave.

It must be time for him to go...

Orion stands at his desk, staring, a forearm still raised.

"...Or so I am told by those around me..."

The mech adds with a mild chuckle before finally leaving the room.

Orion continues to stare at the now empty doorway ahead of him.

Was that even real?

Himself?

From another future?

And yet...there is that feeling in his spark...the gut instinct telling him to trust in what this mech had been saying, that it was all real...

He plops back into his seat, staring at the ceiling.

He is too lost in thought to try and get back into his late-night studying.

And then it sinks in.

I never asked him his name!!

He deflates a little and facepalms.

Orion, you dumbaft....

///

Nhjdjdjs I hate this, writing skils have left the chat 

bye ;w;

[waukrife]

@tvpeongsstuff​ also asked:

well....depends on where he goes?

It’s interesting to think about what he would do in the past, whether he would change anything, and if he did, would he keep his cards close or tell the council everything (I lean towards the former), would he make sure they avoided the fight on Naboo or would he kill the Sith and survive. Would he knight Obi-Wan and train Anakin himself (yes because he’s stubborn and doesn’t realise Obi-Wan deserves better)? What knock on effects would this have, up to and including Obi-Wan keeping his head down and being a perfect (-ly miserable) Jedi Knight, Dooku potentially staying with the Jedi, etc? However, in terms of scenario, I got a bit stuck on the future rather than the past, and also rambled about how Tim-Travel Is Real and Here’s How in maybe too much incoherent detail. 

Not to ramble about Jedi theology on main or anything, but I think that the Force exists beyond time, as in the Force is everywhere, and the Force yesterday is the same as today and tomorrow. It’s how Jedi have visions of the future, because that future already exists within the Force. So, when a Jedi ‘becomes one with the force’, constructs like time don’t exist. Neither do objectives like ‘this universe’ or ‘the universe where Anakin did save Padmé’ or even less prophetic twists like ‘the universe where Obi-Wan DID take the deathsticks’. 

In my headcanon, Force Ghosts absolutely could figure this out and manifest in the past. They don’t do this because they are boring and small-minded. Jedi these days...I guess when you’re working for the Republic there’s no time to sit down and ask why Jedi can see the future but not reach in and change it, or why some Jedi can teleport but not time-travel? It’s all just space and the force, isn’t it? So say the last time Qui-Gon hit a bong and decided to study the living force enough to become a ghost when he died, he got MORE esoteric with the meditations and figured out Force Ghost time-travel too. 

All this to say, when he dies and pops back as a ghost, his first thought is probably hmmm better check on Anakin. His next thought is probably oh shit, and Obi-Wan, my student of 12 years. I also think it’s quite easy to get lulled into just merging into the Force or getting lost, rather than concentrating enough to go somewhere, let alone chose where you end up. Maybe for a laugh he’d accidentally get stuck in some artefact in the temple for a bit, like...just him and some echo of a long-dead darksider chilling in the force attached to a cursed robe in the depths of temple storage or something. Or maybe he’d accidentally tune into a couple of people’s force dyad space-time calls ("Can you see my surroundings?""You're gonna pay for what you did!" oh dear, wrong number) before actually going anywhere deliberately or getting stuck somewhere. 

In canon, Qui-Gon is too boring and traditional to actually risk doing anything more than occasionally whispering vague encouragement into a couple of Jedi’s ears. So I don’t think he’d choose to actually explore time, or change the past. But that sucks and also so does studying really hard for your entire life and then in death maintaining the concentration to exist visibly using the force only to then look like a glitchy blue hologram. So, I think it would be cool for him to accidentally focus too hard and and accidentally properly re-embody himself somewhere in the gffa. Qui-Gon’s characterisation, as most Star Wars characters, is made very difficult by the breadth of material available, and the relative lack of actual screentime in the canon films, but he seems to be both a traditionalist, and also a bit of a renegade. Like, libertarian uncle energy. So it would be very interesting to see him confronted with the changes that overtook the Jedi in the near future, rather than the past. 

I think it would be most fun if he could accidentally get stuck in the clone wars. 

A clone scuba unit on some random planet in the middle of nowhere, doing underwater recon suddenly fish out some guy claiming to be a Jedi, look, I have a lightsaber- wow ok the blade is invisible, it didn't used to do that, oh wait yeah I'm actually made purely from the force and so are my clothes and accessories, don’t make me lose concentration or I might turn back into a blue ghost or just vanish or explode or something. Or more likely, he wouldn’t say anything, even when he figures out he’s not going to vanish any time soon and actually he doesn't need to concentrate that hard to keep the body, he can just use the force very powerfully to explode some droids- wait, why are there droids now? He'd probably just say some vague jedi catchphrases until someone comms their Captain who comms their Commander who comms the General who comes to check it out, who goes white and very bravely doesn’t pass out, who comms the Council who verify, this is dead Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn only somehow alive, and decide that “actually we can’t recall General Kenobi from undercover, and the 92nd just lost their general....” and put this possible ghost-creature that just emerged from the depths like the world’s lankiest space-shark (if sharks wore dripping beige robes and had kind of eldritch force powers even if they were reluctant to use them or speak in a way that made sense to people who don’t read Jedi philosophy treatises for fun). 

The 92nd aren’t really in the thick of it, anyway. They need the Jedi manpower and they need to keep Jinn out of trouble until they figure out whatever the hell the madman’s done this time. Hey, at least he’s not Pong Krell or some shiny knight who’s never been anywhere without their master, let alone had a command of an entire battalion. There’s no way this could go wrong. 

[botwstoriesandsuch]

P-please talk about your Rito OC, please... ramble without any context, please... I have one too... please make me feel less alone...

Ok ok let me just *unloads all of Illeka’s super angsty self-indulgent backstory*

I technically have two backstories, one for botw that I’m gonna use for my fic Where Time Takes Us, and another I use for my dnd campaign. My dnd one is more fleshed out (thanks to my amazing GM) so I’ll probably just share that one. 

Warning for super duper long post that is barely coherent and I haven’t checked for typos and also rip to ADHD folks because I have no pictures to ease your brain with. Anyhow prepare for like thousands of words worth of rambles this is not edited at all

This is just a copy paste of the random incoherent shit I sent to my poor DM. Anyhow, I technically have 3 ocs here, but Illeka is the one I play

A weird Rito, that one is. I hear they’ve only cried at birth...

- Illeka was born on the Day of Living Fire, its a celebration of the dead essentially, where you mourn and remember your loved ones and ancestors and all that. It’s superstition to be *born* on this day, because your life/creation takes away from the day that’s supposed to honor the dead, and some people on birb island believe these things, that if you let the kid live it’s a curse. But most people are like no wtf you boomers it’s fine there’s no such thing you crazy old people are weird, which to be fair is kinda true.

- When Talako is around 6, his single mom dies. He’s adopted by a new family, Kala (also around 6 years old) and her parents.

- Illeka meets Talako after he kinda follows her around, because he’s an innocent cinnamon bun that admires Illeka’s calm and stoic demeanor after they help him with some bullies. Through this, Talako, Illeka, and Kala all become best friends.

- The events in Illeka’s life aren’t really helping their whole curse case. Every bad event, from their dad getting injured and having the slightest limp, to their brother, Zekk nearly setting himself on fire— it’s all a supposed punishment for not killing them when they were bored. But at this point most people brush it off as coincidence, besides, nothing THAT bad has happened yet.

- the trio of friends grow strong, becoming some of the best in their arts on the island. And their relationship is seemingly adorable. The serious ~~cursed~~ one, the optimistic sunshine one, and the sarcastic firey one. Prides of their village, set to protect their people from harm.

- Illeka is the best in the village when it comes to physical fights. Trusty halberd, and a keen shot with a bow, they’ve never lost a sparring match on that front. Their personality is offputting to some, there’s a rumour that they’ve never cried. The easiest of jokes, and the vilest of insults don’t spark much reaction from them— except in the presence and topic of their family, Kala, and Talako. But otherwise, the story goes that the cursed kid doesn’t have a soul, and hence, no morality or emotions.

- When they train with Talako and Kala, they never back down, if only out of respect, Illeka wouldn’t want to embarrass them with pity. Talako always laughs at his inevitable defeat, though he tries nonetheless. He promises that one day he’ll be strong enough to beat them.

- Talako is a pleasant soul, but has an nack for adventure and a hint of chaos. He prefers to dual wield daggers, and on occasion a short sword or two. He’s great with the blade, loves the thrill of the fight, but is more skilled with cooking and physical healing and remedies. He’s always the one encouraging fun celebratory hang outs at the tavern, with his two closest friends after a day of guarding the village. Kala always sides with him, and Illeka typical gives in after at least putting on a show of reluctance. He humble and happy and loved by most of the village, if only things would last

- Kala is of wit and cunning, she’s typically the first to speak. She’s headstrong and not afraid to insult whoever she displeases, and a bit too arrogant in her abilities. She laughs at all of Talako’s jokes, if perhaps only to spite Illeka’s groans. She’s also the most strategic of her friends, being the “one with a plan” in battle. While she’s a decent wield of two khopesh, Kala’s mostly gifted with magic. She’s got a knack for conjuring, though is well researched in other types as well. Illeka and her are an even match, with decent win ratios on either end. Illeka doesn’t take it that personally, they suck/hate magic after all. Kala’s a bit more competitive tho.. While her power in magic is certainly the best on all of the island, she can’t help but feel salty/jealous for always being overshadowed by Illeka’s feats, since the people prefer/understand the physical over the magic.

- Oh, and she was born on day after the Day of Living Fire, according to her parents. How lucky.

- In a sense, they’re all a bit of an outcast. Kala the fiery independent one, a bit sidecasted for prefering magic over steel. Talako the weird orphan, for being a chirpy, happy boi, which is a bit annoying for some. And Illeka…well lets just say their situation isn’t going to be improving

- One year, Illeka’s family is expecting more kids, twin sisters at that! It’s the most excited anyone’s ever seen Illeka, thought perhaps that’s not the right word… They’ve still got their usual demeanor, but they did spend nearly a week crocheting little baby hats and tunics and scarves. They threatened to kill their brother if they told anyone, although Zekk was allowed to let it slip to Tal and Kala

- [They are absurdly good at crochet btw. They never do it anymore to try and maintain their “reputation,” but their family will never forget the time they crafted matching blankets and hats to win a little competition in their home town.]

- Then the Day of Living Fire arrives for that year. Theres a little celebration for Illeka’s birthday, before moving on to other activities.

- The twins die that night.

- The village was in a bit of shock…and rumours grow considering the timing of it. The mysterious circumstance of it…well it does turn the heads of even some of the less-superstitious. The rumours, the death, the silent thought that perhaps that cursed bird caused some babies’ death, Illeka endured it.

- Years later would it get worse.

- Illeka is still publically respected at this point, weird rumours sure, but try telling that to the edge of her halberd. Their mother had made the twin’s shrine, but they say Illeka didn’t visit that often. Talako was always by their side, trying to help them, which was always appreciated, even when they tried to hide it.

- Kala was busy in the library these days.

- Zekk had started a family by now, a little baby birb named Mili hatched into the world.  Illeka would often steal her away for little cuddles when they (thought) no one was looking. Zekk would jest that they had to fight for the right to hold his own kid. Kala would also occasionally tease them about it, though Tal was mostly happy to see them in better spirits

- Then, another Day of Living Fire.

- Talako and Illeka were usually on guard duty together, the northern patrol by the village edge. But tal was still a bit worried about his friend’s state of mind, he’s not sure he’d even seen them mourn. He pushes for Illeka to take the day off, it’s technically their birthday after all, plus they can pay their respected at the shrines and attend the festivities and do the ceremonies and all that. Illeka denies it, brushing it off like they always do.

- Soon, their nightly patrol begins, and Illeka is about to set off to met up with Talako, but Kala intercepts. She has a talk with them, similar to that of Talako’s, but with…more well crafted and laced words. It’s nearly the same message that Talako tried to tell them, “It’ll be healthy for you, visit the shrines, be with your family, maybe brush off some rumours in the process.” Illeka nearly denies again, joking that Talako would get afraid of the dark if they didn’t show up. But Kala interjects, stating that she’s already made plans to take the patrol that nigth with Tal. Trusting their friends to be safe in each others care, Illeka relents and takes the day off.

- …yeah. so

- perhaps you can see where this is going.

- Kala’s jealousy had been growing over the years. Not only was she being shadowed by Illeka and their non magic ways, but it was irritating even more that all the talk about magic in the town was not of her exceptional abilties, but of stupid rumours and non-existent evil curses. If the people wanted show, she’d give them a show

- This mindset made her spars with Illeka a bit more personal as of late, getting it in her head that she needed to get stronger, strong enough to best Illeka with ease. Strong enough so that there would be no question who was the best warrior on the island, magic, bows, halberds, or no.

- The library had many forgotten books that she had been studying. Conjuring, rituals, illusions, necromancy. It was all…beautiful. Kala soaked in every word, sometimes berating the bookkeeper offhandedly for not keeping them in the best condition

- In her research she eventually found a beast. A..thing, a demon? A monster, the specifics weren’t there, but the gist of it was, if you had the courage to summon it, it would grant you the knowledge for attaining anything you desired. All it asked in return was…to eat some people.

- But not just any people mind you! Supposedly the ritual only worked for the people with the greatest of ambitions, willing to sacrifice the lives of people they might care about. The sacrifices had to be of someone with great trust and bond with the person.

- Kala’s parents disappeared that day, a few feathers laid about, but there was no blood.

- Near the northern border, by a open field, a weird circle dripped the grass red

- Talako waited by the village edge, ready to fly off with their patrol partner when they arrived. When Kala greeted him, he was a bit surprised, but happy when she explained that Illeka had gone off back to town.

- Indeed Illeka was with their family now, as the sun started to set. Occasionally, a passerby would give them a weird glance before walking swiftly away.

- Somewhere in the northern border, a warrior is knocked unconcious, and dragged upon a blood red pattern

- Illeka is by her sisters’ shrine. For the sliver of a moment, they contemplate crying.

- Then an explosion is heard off in the distance

- Talako was wide awake at this point, although his wings being pinned to his sides wasn’t that helpful considering there was a giant, *giant* dark monster in front of him.

- Kala lets off a final remark, saying it was for his own good. The death would be swifter if he didn’t squirm.

- He whipped back at her, glaring with a fire she hasn’t seen before. He calls her a coward for tricking Illeka, a coward for kill their parents, a coward for not even giving him the decency to fight for his life.

- She nearly smiles at the last remark. “Fine.” She tosses him his blades. “You were never much of a warrior anyway.”

- Illeka was flying towards the booming sound at full speed, nearly knocking over their family and other mourning, people in the process. A few others had tried to slow them down, claiming they should suit of better first, before confronting whatever had been the source of the explosion. Illeka didn’t listen.

- They barely had time to grab a weapon, before approaching the northern border. After gracing the crests of the hill tops, they finally saw it. A giant demonic beast, snapping it’s jaws against a flying dash of black feathers, Talako.

- Illeka called out to him, nearly dashing off into the air again, but they stopped when they spotted Kala, standing idlely by next to her.

- Before they could even speak, before they could even question why she was acting so nonchalantly while their best friend was fighting for their life against an evil monstrosity, Kala shook her head and spoke. “You always have to ruin my fun, don’t you?” She struck a magic blow and Illeka, square in the chest.

- It knocked them to the ground, but they got up, setting their halberd and pointing it at them.

- Then insert some dramatic scene where Kala is like “you’re so selfish, hogging all the attention, thinking you’re better than me, but today I’m gonna finally best you mwahaha” and Illeka is like “wtf why did you do this? I thought we were friends? I trusted you?? the fuck? also talako is our friend!!?” and then its “yeah thats right I manipulated your stupid feelings to gain the upperhand. you’re super pathetic honestly for falling for it. anyhow yeah talako will probably die, i tried to give him the luxary of a swift death but he wouldn’t listen, so now he’s probably gonna get brutally slayed lol” and illeka is all “I’ll kill you” and kala is “no u. This whole thing is gonna give me so much power no ones gonna question me again” and then they fight each other

- The duel is nearly a draw, Kala’s magical ability is certainly is certainly stronger, but she’s not as all powerful without that knowledge from the demon monster guy that needs to eat his meal. Illeka is fighting with all theyve got, but all they brought was a halberd, but they are very fueled by rage and spite so it’s still an even match. Illeka eventually lands a blow that’s got Kala bleeding severely, but Kala pretty much almost kills them with a direct attack. Kala’s too weak to finish the job, plus those other guards have finally started to fly and approach in the distance, so she flys off. Illeka finally slips into unconsciousness.

- When they wake up, it’s almost sunrise. Their mom is shaking them awake, part of the party that was investigating the explosion that summoned the beast. Illeka bolts up, they’re still in the field were they had fought Kala, but she and the beast are no where to be seen.

- They run off, trying to find Talako, and ho boy do they find him alright. His body is crumpled by some rocks, his wing nearly ripped clean off, theres so much blood, even a warrior like Illeka can hardly bare it. Some small bit of hope in their head thinks that he might still be alive, and they listen to his chest to see if he’s still breathing.

- His eyes flicker once at Illeka, his chest rises, then falls for the last time.

- Illeka cries.

- Then, still pretty wounded and tired, they collapse again

- The days following are living hell. Kala hasn’t been found, and their her parent’s [bodies]. The rumours are creeping as ever, at the coincidence of Illeka and this disaster. They spend nearly a weak in bed at home, recovering physically, thought probably not mentally.

- As soon as they’ve fully recovered, Illeka’s mind is set. They are going to leave, no more warrior/village protection for them. They’re going to travel far off, train and hone their skills in combat, and find and kill Kala.

- Their family is opposed to this at first, but in the end nothing they say changes Illeka’s mind.

- In a sense, there was another, unspoken reason Illeka was leaving the islands. They didn’t want to hurt anyone else.

- Hell, the rhetoric is even stronger down the line, concerning the fate of poor Mili. Illeka has given in and accepted it, they are cursed to cause pain to the people they care about. [It’s basically that trope of the character isn’t actually cursed but they believe they’re cursed] Illeka will stay away, and go it alone for as long as they can. Then once the deed is done, once they draw Kala’s corpse across the mud, they’ll probably fly off somewhere far to die, before anyone else gets hurt. It’s probably best for their family never to see them again.

- - - - - - 

Wow you did it, you made it through the super angsty self-indulgent backstory congrats. Illeka is my lil baby and I love them and I’ve gonna send them on a revenge quest and then they were gonna have a cool character arc probably about learning to grieve and have self worth and all that and to actually allow themselves to show emotions for once in their lives. That’s the general plan I had in my head anyhow

But you know what my dm thought?

They were like how about mORE ANGSt

Fucking shit you not, session three of the campaign, I’m heading back to birb island because of circumstances, and I’m getting supplies from my blacksmith dad and showing off this sword that says “fuck” a lot that I got from a dungeon that took a selkie’s soul which they gave up willingly in exchange for fire hair...long story

but THEN I meet up with my bro Zekk and it’s like “wassup bro just passing through” but then I find out that Talako’s shrine thing was DESTORYED by some unknown entity and that’s very not good because spirituality and all that

and also I find Mili and they’re a cute lil toddler birb now aww it’s so great hope nothing happens to them because I sure do have enough emotional traume to burden right now. anyhow due to CIRCUMSTANCES our only lead to the thing that destroyed Talako’s shrine is 1) a delinquent named Chesio [that our party nicknamed cherrio because the GM misspelled it the first time i think] who apparently was Talako’s shitty cousin and his only living relative who could build his shrine and 2) the destruction of the shrine lines up with a period of time where Mili went missing but its ok she came back so her parents were like “chill we gucci”

Our party decides we should go down the Mili lead [because I accidentally knocked Cherrio i mean Chesio to near death with a crit roll with my halberd so they’re in the infirmary now but it’s really not my fault that they triggered my emotional trauma by mentioning how I keep running away from grief and never staying around to confront it it’s fiiiiiiiiiiiiine] so we stop by Zekk’s house and we’re like “hey so remember when you disappeared for like a week where did you go, and then mili was like “oh it’s in this cavern that no one knows about and I can’t really give you the directions but I can lead you there if you take me with you” in which I then glare at the GM for this obvious attempt to force us to take Mili with us to put her in danger and apparently I was the ONLY one who cared about this because everyone else in the party was ready to adopt this birb child, and Zekk was like “sure take the kiddy harness” so here I am, watching my niece run around in a kiddy harness that’s also attached to me, while my Chaotic neutral party someone gets grilled cheese sandwiches in the background

Badabing, badaboom, we come to some crystal caverns. while I, being one of the only members of the party with morals other than one chaotic good dragonborn, am watching the selkie, halfoot, and elf girl steal a bunch of crystals, Mili fucking DISAPPEARS the fucking KIDDY HARNESS fucking NOT GOOD she FCUKING SLIPPED OUT AND SHES GONE AND IM FREAKING OUT 

after about an hour or two of searching through the deeper parts of the cavern and tunnel and also fighting a minotaur and discovering an abandoned arena and a cleric, long story. We find Mili fucking laying on A NECROMANCER’S RITUAL CIRCLE WHAT THE FU- 

I pull a “I don’t hesitate bitch” on the hooded dude that’s hovering and chanting shit. He’s dead, it’s all swell. Saved the day, the evil’s dead. Mili’s fine she can go back to being a cute lil baby who loves shiny rocks and-

oh wAIT actually Mili is still transformed into a demonic monster and the necromancer dude was actually in the middle of completing a ritual to bring her back to life after he killed her a few times

So turns out, necromancer dead dude was hired by a mysterious someone, to steal something from Talako’s shrine, and to destroy any evidence. Turns out, his methodology for doing so was to kidnap some birb kid who had the misfortune of wander too close, killing them, turning them into some demonic monster that does their bidding, using that monster to steal and ruin some shit, and then when the day’s done he turns them back like nothing happened. Sure do wish he was alive to redo that last part

I’m freaking out, the party’s freaking out, that sword from earlier is cursing to high heaven for no apparent reason. Cleric unhelpfully remarks how it was a bad idea that we impulsively killed the evil dude bro, yes wow thank you for the help

Eventually everything’s fine. After a few round of shouting “NO ONE TOUCH MY FUCKING NIECE OR YOU DIE” after said demonic niece is kinda mindlessly attacking everyone, we eventually do some good ol blunt force trauma and a bit of magic and BOOM. Mili’s back. Although they do have permanent black ritual markings on them but its fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinee (its not)

We find a note on necromancer dude bro that his employer was from another island, so that’s a lead yay Find Out Next SessionTM but at this point I really don’t care as I’ve already started tying Mili to my chest and walking back to the village

I go back to Zekk’s house, hand off Mili, explain everything that happened, give a super heart feel apology about how I pretty much killed Mili (even though I really didn’t but also as we all know Illeka is an angsty birb who’s steadfast in the idea that their existence hurts everyone they love so yay <3) and then I leave as fast as I can before anyone can protest sure was nice visiting my family after i’ve been away for a few months sure am glad that my inner thoughts about staying away weren’t justified whatsoever hmmmmmm

A session or two passes. We try to assassinate and elf’s evil parents and fail, we get into a Fake Dating Being Someone’s Children Au with a dragon. The selkie keeps trying to date everyone, even thought they’re already married to a necromancer princess and a boat (long story) and inbetween we head to that island that note i got was talking about and turns out it was to a place where all your inner demons and anxieties manifest into reality and taunt you, until youre slowly broken down to the point where the evil dictator on the island can “magic” away your problems with puppet strings. fun for the whole family!

Anyways, after our party fights out evil neon-blue clones, I get a lead from dictator dude that the employer I’m looking for is a Rito that’s good with magic, and was last seen headed east, in the same direction we just came from. fun.a

So I’m kinda low on leads, other than the fact that theres a magic school in the east, but in between we have to deal with the fact that husboat (again, the boat that is married to the selkie who is also our entire party’s form of transportation across the ocean. wait a sec did I mention that we weren’t in Hyrule? We’re not in Hyrule, this is a flooded land with a bunch of islands. Think wind waker) was being chased by pirates. also these pirates were the ones that raised the selkie, and also they kinda also slaughtered an entire island of halffoots in their time with the pirates, and also that island was the one that the halffoot in our party grew up in. So basically that’s some cool tension and drama. Anyhow, back to moi

One talk about how “no we cannot kidnap aNOTHER priest” to the selkie and elf later... magic school! Magic school is pretentious and I hate it. Everythings glowy, they don’t allow you to fly over the gates. There’s puffy noble middle aged men and children in bedazzled cloaks. There’s magic in the air and I swear I would choke and die on the glitter and rainbows of it all. 

Half the party is off getting into cloak fashion, I head off with my dragonborn friend Ness because highfive! We’re the only one’s with morals in this party! Morality pals! (This is saying something considering I am true neutral and she’s chaotic good but we might as well be clerics in this party...)

My morality pal and I and hanging around, then we catch word that there’s this transfer student that no one has seen in a while and “oh I wonder where she could be” and all that jazz from other students. Mortality pals are like “ok let’s go look for her” so we drag the rest of the party off of their larceny spree and look around.

Eventually, after I spot a tattered cloak roaming the halls that matches the description of the gossip, we find the transfer student.

TURNS OUT (unsurprisingly honestly given the way the dm framed stuff) this transfer student is someone I know. She’s standing there, in the middle of the room, preparing to do some ritual or something. She’s standing there, my life purpose, my one and only goal, literally the only reason I’m still going in life, my arch nemesis, my target, my mortal fucking enemy. It’s Kala.

Ness sees a demon dog in the background and says hi, ruining our element of surprise, but to be fair, she doesn’t know it’s Kala. 

Kala whips around from her table thing. We make eye contact. Her face suddenly shift from confusion to surprise to bewilderment to shock to happiness. 

Happiness.

“Illeka I thought you were dead!” Kala runs towards me, but I’m too shocked to move.

She’s smiling. It’s not sadistic, it’s not...harmful, it’s just genuine joy. For a moment I thought I saw a tear in her eye. 

Kala hugs me for a long moment, before letting go. “So how did you survive?”

...

In my head I’m thinking, “oh you fuck face”

THE. AUDACITY. OF. THIS. BITCH. 

“HOWD I SURVIVE” UH NO THANKS TO YOU FOR ALMOST KILLING ME FOR YOUR STUPID RITUAL WHATEVER THAT KILLED TALAKO WTFFF

ARE YOU REALLY TRYING TO PULL THE SAME TRICK AGAIN??? GONNA PRETEND TO BE ALL SENTIMENTAL AND NICE JUST TO TRY AND KILL ME LATER ON? HA OK OK

how about instead, I do the one good thing, the one worthwhile thing I can do in my entire life...just one simple course of action that might hope to make up for the mountain of regret that is my entire existence. 

I am finally going to kill you.

Kala’s staring at me, eyes curious, head tilted as if all she ever did was ask what I had for brunch. 

I blink once, and my neutral expression, faintly coated with shock morphs into determination.

I roll for initiative. 

- - - - - - 

It’s 1am. 

So have a cliffhanger, kinda. 

If anyone bothers to read this far, congrats! Your reward is me being lazy. I’ll tell you what happened sometime tomorrow if anyone really wants to know :P Long story short, it doesn’t end how I, and therefore probably you, would except. 

[kinkymagnus]

ok i have trouble putting this to words but i’m gonna try anyway. this is long so i’m gonna put it below a cut fghgfh (be sure to read to the end if you want my Full Opinion tho because this is out of order and incoherent lfkghfgh)

i feel really uncomfortable and weird when people write fics where magnus is all “alec,,, i would never choose my magic and immortality over you,,,,,,,” and it’s like presented as this sweet really romantic thing, he loves alec more than “”power”” and stuff... but it’s like... okay, first of all. i’m not saying that magnus wouldn’t 100% put alec over his own happiness and wellbeing, because he would, but not because that’s a Normal Healthy Romance Thing, but because magnus puts people he cares about over himself all the time to the point of hurting himself because he has pretty low self-worth. secondly, it’s not “”power”” or like, just something silly, it’s like, part of magnus. did you see how he was when it was gone? he was missing part of his soul, of his identity. it wasn’t just “”power””, it’s a part of him, it’s how he interacts with the world, it’s what has kept him going. he’s not choosing “pretty magic powers” or “eternal life and power” or something, he’s choosing a part of himself, you know? thirdly, i’m not saying that magnus would choose his magic over alec. i honestly don’t think he would. (hell, he didn’t.) but like... it’s not like he would just be like “magic doesn’t matter as long as i have you :)”. like now that he knows what it’s like to lose his magic, it would be an impossible choice. just like alec wouldn’t be able to choose between, say, magnus and izzy. he loves them both equally, but it’s apples and oranges. it’s the same with magnus’s magic--his magic and alec are equally important to him, but it’s entirely different, and he needs them both in entirely different ways. reducing it to just “magnus adores alec so much that he would be fine without his magic/immortality as long as he had alec” is just....... wrong. i guess the comparison to alec and izzy isn’t perfect, as most (including me) are pretty heavy supporters of immortal malec (although to be fair, i would love izzy to also become immortal--i read a fic where they all three became immortal and izzy’s reasons were her own and it was great), but even then, it’s like.... it’s different, still, the comparison isn’t perfect. alec’s eventually going to lose his family either way, he’s a shadowhunter and has dealt with young death his whole life. and that sucks, and it’s horrible, but he was always going to risk living without izzy, you know? it sucks, but it’s true. while with magnus, magic is literally a part of him. it’s not another person he also loves, it’s an entire part of him, you know? oh man this rant is entirely incoherent and i’ve gotten off topic into a ramble about immortal malec, but i jsut. i don’t know. i feel weird about people always making alec The Most Important Thing In Magnus’s Life, The Only Thing That Matters To Him, Would Give Up Literally Everything For Him. especially because fics that do this “alec,,, i would never ever choose my magic over you,, you are more important than Power” also are like.... magnus is mostly only upset about the breakup and alec going to asmodeous because Oh No... Poor Boy... How Could You Have Such Low Self-Esteem? I Would Rather Have You Than Magic.... like n o o O. no. no. literally this isn’t about alec. this is not about alec being like “i’m not enough :((( magnus would rather have his magic than me :(((” stop making this about alec, please, please. like, this is about magnus, going through this really fucking horrible situation. like, he loses his magic, and then he’s clinging to alec as literally the only thing he has left, just barely beginning to believe maybe he’s worth more than what he can do for people, maybe he’s not a burden, maybe he can rely on alec to keep loving him when he can’t love himself, when alec dumps him like trash (yes i know alec did it for A Reason but magnus didn’t) and he’s left completely alone, having lost everything. and then his dad comes back, manipulates him, etc. this is about him literally losing a piece of himself, like, his fuckin soul, and then losing everything else, too. this isn’t about alec being an insecure sad boy fghfgh. i think there’s more to this rant but it’s nothing that hasn’t been said before, my point is, it just feels weird and bad to have people act like alec is More Important than magnus’s magic (and by extension, magnus himself). like idk how well i got my thoughts across or if this even makes sense but it’s been really bothering me ldkjggh

[moviegroovies]

okay so one of my points in the original incoherent longpost ramble i wrote while fending off the the post-lost boys haze that overtook me after watching it for, i believe, the fifth time, was that i thought the reason it was such a good movie was how quickly it checked the “oh, i like these characters and want to think about them now that the movie is over” box. in that post, i then proceeded to not talk about the thoughts i’ve actually been having about these characters at all, so let’s get down to work and try to fix that, shall we?

okay i was going to just write another impossible to read multiple paragraph long post, but y’know, how about i make things easier on all of us and do this in bullet points. so, in no particular order..... headcanons!

despite her later desire to get out of the gang, star wasn’t tricked or pressured into becoming a vampire like michael was. rather, she had been hanging around them for long enough that she pieced together what they were and asked to join, only coming to realize that it would mean killing other people for her own continued survival and wanting out later on.

in the 6-issue lost boys comic, it’s implied that star has cystic fibrosis, informing her decision to become a vampire. i’m definitely not taking all of that comic into my own personal canon, but i stand by that part--esp. bc it fits with vampirism being her decision, even if it was one she later regretted. 

marko is the smallest of the lost boys, but also the most dangerous, even exceeding david. have you seen that part where he’s peeling a man’s head like a fruit? that bitch is BLOODTHIRSTY.

not that he’s exactly an upstanding citizen on his own, but a good deal of the reason that david abuses exercises his control over the other boys is that he knows that they (but marko in particular) are always just about ten minutes and one show of weakness on his end away from staging a coup, and he knows that with anyone else in charge (save maybe dwayne, but dwayne isn’t interested in the leadership role) the group would become too violent and draw too much attention, getting them all killed.

okay now i feel like i’m vilifying marko which. i definitely stand by what i’ve said, but i also don’t think he’s like, pure evil or anything by any means. i like marko! 

i feel like i owe marko some nice headcanons now so like: i agree with the general consensus that marko cares for the pigeons in the vampire hotel, to the point where he feeds them and maybe talks to them. he DEFINITELY has named them all, although honestly he can’t tell them apart that well so usually when he sees one and calls it a specific name, he’s fucking with everyone else. loves to make fun of the other guys for not knowing which one is which, though.

one day he looks at a bird flying into the cave and casually announces “hey, vlad’s back,” and after hardly a glance, michael deadpans “vlad? that’s lestat.” 

marko goes into existential crisis mode for a week. this is the first time he starts to respect david’s decision to make michael one of them. 

he never figures out if michael was just fucking with him the way everyone else or if he could really tell the difference between the pigeons and it haunts him to this day.

ok wow that was a LOT of marko

back to star: she’s trans. you know that part on the boardwalk where she and michael are introducing themselves to one another for the first time, and michael goes “oh, your parents too, huh,” when she says her name is star? i always felt like she didn’t really get what he was saying, even after michael elaborated and told her he meant that her parents were ex-hippies. now i’m totally choosing to read that as her being like, a little offended that he thought someone would only be named star because they were burdened with it by uncool ex-hippie parents, because honestly when she picked it she thought she had the coolest name of all time. 

i will not take constructive criticism on that last part because it is already perfect.

on the subject of star, the general consensus i’ve seen in fic and stuff is that she had been a vampire for a few months or maybe a year before the events of the movie, but honestly i’d disagree.

personally, i feel like she’s been there for a lot longer than that--like, have you seen how she dresses? that immediately pinged “free spirit hippie girl” to me, which was kind of out of place, especially considering that everyone else dressed so 80′s. imo, star might have been turned as early as the start of the 70′s--making her the ex-hippie, and not her parents, like michael assumed. this fic here (which is SO good, by the way) explains the way that she was able to last a year with the hunger while michael was already struggling after about a week by having star steal sips from david’s bottle to tide her hunger when she could. that’s basically the way i see it, too, tbh, except over a longer time scale--rather than one year, something around 15. 

which means star is nearly as old as michael’s mother. oops.

alright, it’s weird, but i don’t actually think it’s that weird. the way i’m choosing to see vampirism in this universe is that it permanently halts the emotional maturity of the vampire at whatever age they get turned; david and the guys are nearly grown, at ages like, 18-22 or so, but not quite, and they’re never going to grow up and out of their immature mindset. the worst is for laddie, who’s permanently stunted around 8 years old. the others respond to this with a certain degree of pity, but since he doesn’t actually know what he’s missing, it mostly translates to a really rabid older brother/sister instinct. heaven help anyone who tries to pick on that kid--they’re immediately going to face 5 angry vampire dudes and one absolutely enraged vampire chick. 

(not to mention that his emotional immaturity means he’s got no real self control over the hunger he feels... if he ever snaps and becomes a full vampire, he’ll be the most dangerous of the group for a plethora of reasons)

on that note, if i were to list the lost boys by most control over their urges to least (or, y’know, least to most actively bloodthirsty), i think it’d be something like this: michael -> david -> star -> dwayne -> marko -> paul -> laddie, with the caveat that while marko is technically better at controlling himself than paul, paul has more moral reservations about the actual act of violent murder, while marko is more inclined to kill for fun. 

david being so high on that list may be a point of contention for some but tbh i feel pretty strongly about it

a majority of that call for me comes from the unmade screenplay for the lost boys: the beginning, a prequel to the film set in 1906. before reading that, i honestly had different headcanons entirely, and a lot less sympathy for david, but if you take the script as canon, i think a lot of things change about his characterization.

in the script, the four main lost boys are together (plus one other member named jasper, which is the only crossover name between the lost boys and twilight) as a petty gang before they became vampires. the start of the movie sees them pickpocketing to try and pay for a place to sleep that night, and david seems to luck out early, lifting a wallet with a $100 bill inside. 

however, when he realizes the guy has a family, including two babies, and he just took everything the guy has, he gives the wallet back, to marko’s intense dismay. 

basically, david starts out a criminal, and he definitely does care about self preservation above most other things, but he still has morals. later, when the movie’s big bad is pressuring him and the others to drink blood and live eternally, he’s the only one who refuses, spitting out the wine when he’s forced to drink it and showing the others that it’s blood. notably, even before that he’s warning his friends that they don’t have to drink it if they didn’t want to (mirroring the way that star told michael he didn’t have to drink of the bottle), protecting not just himself, but also them. he resists becoming a vampire the longest, too; david refuses to join the movie’s villain, even after the other lost boys have been turned, right up until he’s shot by some military men in a scuffle and it’s a matter of life and death. then, his self preservation wins out, but even once he’s been turned, david doesn’t lose who he used to be. 

tl; dr: i feel like david is a better person than the events of the movie alone would have you think.

in my opinion, he’s been looking out for his friends from the very beginning, and he’s never stopped doing that. yeah, even before he turned, he was a crook and kind of a burnout, but he had morals. i’m not going to deny that david enjoys being a vampire--enjoys drinking blood, the physical rush, the power over people who pushed him around--not by any means. i just think that comes from an understandable place, given that he was a streetrat who got pushed around a lot in the events of that script; he likes that he’ll never be a victim to assholes with knives who are bigger than he is again. 

plus, if you look at the people the lost boys kill over the course of the movie, they’re not exactly innocent victims. there’s the asshole cop who restrained david with a baton to his throat for pretty much just the act of putting his hand on a dude’s face, a jerkass who starts fights on boardwalks, steals comic books, and ignores his girlfriend’s protestations in the car when he’s trying to make out with her, the girlfriend, who stuck by him while all that shit was going down (and was reading one of the stolen comics, if i interpreted that scene correctly--not that this means she necessarily deserved to die, but she wasn’t innocent), and a bunch of assholes calling themselves surf nazis. david and his gang only go after people who have started the fight themselves in some way or another, and i think that david is a big part in keeping it that way--he’s the one who deescalates the tension on the carousel to keep things from an all out bloodbath, after all, and was the one keeping the gang in check since the turn of the century from doing anything too unforgivable for their own gain. that to me says he’s got a pretty good grasp of self control, and he keeps the gang to a level of violence that sustains their bloodlust without being totally gratuitous as much as possible.

re: his placement on the sliding scale of vampiric self control, you might be wondering why i put michael at the absolute top. honestly, it’s not that i think he’s a saint or anything. i just think he was the one member of the gang (jury’s out on laddie, but he’s automatically at the bottom because of his age and inability to control himself) who didn’t make a conscious choice, one way or another, to become a vampire. marko, dwayne, and paul gave into the temptation of the prequel’s big bad. david and star were given the choice between vampirism and death, and chose to live. michael, though--michael gave into peer pressure, but the worst crime he committed was drinking some wine. watching the others kill absolutely fucked him up, but he was able to resist any kind of bloodlust that might have had him joining in the slaughter on the beach that night. when pushed to the absolute wall by david in the ending of the movie (an ending you might have noticed i’m completely ignoring in favor of a full gang inc. laddie, star, and michael for my headcanons lol), his strength was tested against david’s and he won. michael isn’t perfect or superhuman, but he’s making the choices an essentially good, normal human being would make, and when everyone around him for one reason or another chose what they have, he’s got that tiny bit of a head’s up on them that makes all the difference. 

tbh tho, i think david was right when he said there was something of a killer in michael. i think on some gruesome level he’s kind of fascinated with the vampirism he’s fallen in with, which makes him more susceptible than, say, sam, or really any of the other emersons, who would rank above him on that scale, were they vampires too.

paul to me is just a fun happy dude. i was endeared to him when he clapped michael on the back after he drank and announced, totally earnestly, “you’re one of us!” i just, you know, liked his eagerness to welcome in a new friend. tbh i think he’s a bit of a ditzy airhead (or, dare i say it, a himbo), but he’s ultimately got his heart in the right place.

i really like dwayne. i like that he’s the quietest of the group (i saw a headcanon that said he didn’t speak that much because he’s got a stutter he’s embarrassed of, which i have absorbed into my canon), but i especially like that he does speak--to laddie, telling him what’s going on when he’s riding on the back of his bike. other than star, i think dwayne’s the most protective of him, and probably the most “maternal” of the guys. he’s under star in the sliding scale thing because to me he doesn’t really have qualms with killing assholes to survive, but at the same time, he’s never really tempted to take more than he needs, like marko is. 

i like the idea that dwayne’s really into music, like, ‘can name the artist, album, and song title of any song made since 1890 from the first line’ into music. immortality is a hell of a thing for music buffery. 

ok i have sooooooooo much more i want to say, i didn’t even realize i’d put together this many thoughts about this movie but Apparently I Have, holy god, but i need to cut off this post at some point sgfdshgh

one more fun marko one: totally love the hc that he paints, especially that he paints murals on the cave wall. artist boy.....

<3

[justawriterwritingstuff]

It's Nothing -> Excerpt

Touching the joint to my lips I take a short puff and breath out. Giving a courtesy grin at Damian. I don't think even at this point he knew what he was talking about as he verged on the gap of complete rambling and incoherence.

Jasmine jerks as the knob rustles and it slowly creeps open.

In the door Jasmine's mom stands, fingers wrapped around some object as she keeps it from view. She looks around the room comatosely as she whispers something to her daughter. My stomach knots up when I see her face drop, robbed of any joy she had.

" You. You told me you would stay for the whole shift! YOU PROMISED ME!" Jazzy yells as she starts to close the door.

The wood creeks as it slows down, her mother holding the handle tightly. She looks around at the others and then sheepishly shuts it, locking their other world on the opposite side. Jasmine stands near the edge and then bangs her fist into the wall as she lets loose a string of profanity.

" Fucking. Fucking. Fucking. FUCK!" She stomps her feet.

" Calm down jizzy." Ryan takes another hit from his double cannon entrée.

" SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS RYAN!"

The silence hangs in the air as he slowly raises his hands in mock surrender. He coughs and puts the drugs down on the table. Even with his twisted state he understands that he has crossed the line yet again. He doesn't apologize but his actions are clear enough.

Rising to my feet I walk over to Jazzy and blink a few times before reaching out to her in a hug. She doesn't fight me, and my arms quickly find her body and I wrap around it like an anaconda. It takes every ounce of willpower for me to not let my lips touch her skin. I feel like I am hovering over the surface of paradise. An angel guarding Eden.

" I'm sorry." Is all I can manage to say as I take a deep breath.

I can smell her. Her being. Like an aura floating amidst the haze. Small and fragile but with such depth and complexity. It's purple but with hints of orange. Like a perfect sunset.

God and her touch. My fingernails curl by instinct as I fight all my urges. I have to constantly remind myself that now isn't the time. Not when she is on the verge of tears.

" She promised me..." Jazzy mutters into my shoulder.

" I know..."

The moment she breaks away my heart skips a beat. She looks at me for a long time as she gently runs her fingers through my hair. I didn't say anything and just let her daze to continue, enjoying the touch for as long as it will last.

Sighing she takes my hand and we walk over to the couch where there is a small box on the ground.

" You ok Jazzy?" Hamond puts the chips down and sits up.

Ling pauses with her cigarette.

" What's that?" I point to the box and try to hide the pain in my voice as much as possible.

Before I have a chance to react Jazzy has grabbed my face and she is on me. Her eyes shut tightly as she explores my lips, a frozen tundra with raging storms in the distance. But her lips. Her lips were pure. A pure as the first day of summer. Full of life and wonder. Even entwined. She didn't let me see her sadness. Just. Summer.

Ryan erupts into applause with a hoot and a holler and even Hamond makes a surprised whistle. Damian smiles but there is an air of nervousness in it, like he is unsure that this the right way for events to pan out. Ling shakes her head and looks away, repulsed by the scene.

Jazzy is the first again to break away, my body contorting like a snake desperate for another second. I open my eyes and I see a tear in hers. And my stomach turns.

Raising her hands up she hoots and hollers, throwing her head back with mock pride. Ryan fumbles to get to the other side of the couch to high five his friend. She slams his palm and grabs the joint from the table taking another long puff.

It's funny how fast things can change. How fast the user can become used. I wanted nothing more than to have her body. I just never thought I would worry about the costs once I had it. Now the thoughts are penetrating my river of thoughts, polluting the stream with doubt and fear. What a buzzkill.

I smile and wrap my arm around her desperately trying to play the part of it all being okay. When I see her look over there is something in her eyes. Something that I don't fully understand. Logic tells me to let her go but I can't. I got to find out what Jasmine Flores is thinking and god I hope I do it before she causes me to lose my mind.

"Soooooo..." She chuckles and pulls the box out, throwing it onto the table with a thud.

" What's that?" Hamond leans in closer to get a better look.

" Oh. You'll see." She wipes the remnants of tears away and opens the container.

My body is still reeling from her touch. Each time my eyes look over I fall to her skin. Any piece that was exposed. I felt like I was perpetually two seconds away from jumping on her and saying fuck it.

" We're going to do something we have never done before." She starts taking out some pieces and assembling an altar or some kind.

My stomach rolls as I stare into the haze, arm still draped around Jazzy, close enough to feel the heat radiating off her body. I reach out to touch the weird object, but she quickly swats my hand away with a smirk. The touch is electric.

What the hell was wrong with me.

" Not yet." Her voice is excited and a little nervous.

Damian gets up from the couch and sits in front of the weird plate as Jazzy assembles it. It has six different indentations that lead to the center where there is a deep hole. Candles fit into smaller gaps in random places. He looks up at her for answers, but she is eerily silent as she builds it and finally leans back to admire her handy work.

" Ta-Daaaaaaa." She waves her hands back and forth.

" What is it?"

" Yeah what is it?" Ling even chimes in.

Jazzy looks around the room at her friends and then pulls out a shiny object from the box and places it on the table. She doesn't have to say anything for people to recoil at the sight of the object, confused and transfixed by her polar behavior.

" Is that..." I start.

" A knife." Hamond sits up straighter.

[themusicjerk]

Please listen to "costello music" by the fratellis

Oh, boy, it's finally happening. My blog is finally taking off. Wait until Travis hears about this. He was skeptical, you know. Maybe I'll finally get around to bringing back his copy of Never Mind the Bollocks when I tell him.

So, The Fratellis is a band apparently composed of brothers Jon, Barry, and Mince Fratelli, all of which being regular non-musician names except for Mince, though according to my research, they're not actually brothers and their names aren't actually Fratelli, which means that to this day I do not understand rock star names. The album is apparently an indie rock album, indie being short for independent, and independent referring to the operation of the musicians without a record label, despite the fact that the album was released on Fallout Records, a subsidiary of United Musical Group, and therefore nothing about the album was independent of anything.

In other words, I have no idea what this album will sound like. It cannot be as bad as Trout Mask Replica, though. Let's dive in.

First off, "Henrietta." The guitar is so distorted that the chords are indistinguishable one from another. The drummer sounds so bored that he can't bear to keep a steady beat and flops wildly from one pattern to the next. The Scottish lead singer pronounces all of his vowels like the 'o' in 'hop' and there is some noise that I assume is guitar feedback that sounds like a subliminal tenor saxophone. This is what the Sex Pistols would sound like if they kept better time, but a polished turd is still a turd. Jon, bored of singing words, resorts to strange meows and wakka-wakkas in the bridge of the song. There's potential here, but the band is so uninterested in taking their efforts seriously that I'm inclined to take the lyric that the band is "three miserable [vulgar lyric that which will not be repeated] sitting on the back seat stomping on the off beat" at face value.

"Flathead" is the same thing, riotous, ever distracted from itself, with goofy noises in place of lyrics, and vulgar lyrics when words need to be sung. For God's sake, he's singing about violence in prostitution, and he seems happy about it! Have these boys no shame? In the middle of the song, there's a bit where just the guitar is playing a riff, when Jon seems to forget that they're not in the middle of the chorus because he begins his ba-ba-bas and then stop. He is not fooled again, because the next time the chorus comes in, he is nowhere to be found. The band plays, trying to ignore the conspicuous lack of ba-bas, but the presentation is just clunky.

Someone had the good sense to unplug Jon's guitar for the next song, "Whistle for the Choir," but he insists on singing, insulting women, calling them "silly" and "stupid" and, in the same breath, "irresistible." The drummer seems to have settled down as well, despite this song having the most boring beat imaginable, perhaps the drummer has given up any pipe dreams of playing a more interesting song. Then, Jon begins whistling. Whistling is not a thing that belongs in music. Whistling is a thing you do while you work or wait for the bus, first of course making sure that no one else is around who may be bothered by it. It's vulgar and gross, like everything else The Fratellis do, and I would not be surprised if they begin burping or cracking their knuckles as percussion.

"Chelsea Dagger" hangs out on one chord for too long before jumping up a perfect fourth - a terribly dissonant and boring interval that was clearly misnamed. Jon once again eschews poetry for the fanciful lyrics:

"Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo"

When he does begin to sing actual words, the song is - surprise, surprise - about a stripper. This man should never be let within twenty-five feet of a woman. By the end of the song, they have forgotten their chorus or melody entirely and made up a new one. Someone, Mince I believe, remembers how the song is supposed to go and brings back the doo-doos. Joy. 

"The Gutterati?" seems to have been composed on the principle that if you play fast enough, no one will be able to understand you or criticize you. Despite the ludicrous tempo, however, the song is still based on two chords played over and over again, and horrendous microphone feedback bleeds in just before the grating harmonica solo. The good news is that, because the song is fast, it's over soon enough, but not without a second harmonica solo so high-pitched and loud that it will leave me with tinnitus for the rest of my life.

Someone in the band complains, audibly, that Jon's lyrics are terrible. I'm surprised they left that on the album. I agree wholeheartedly.

"For the Girl," contains the lyrical genius of "la la la la la la la la la la la la." The singer makes an attempt to sing along with the guitar, but either the guitar is flat, the singer is sharp, or both, because the result is the ever-pleasant hum of a lawnmower or perhaps a buzzsaw. The end of the song features Jon once again missing a cue and leaving Mince to awkwardly drum and wait for him to come in.

"Doginabag [sic]" is the only evidence we need to prove that their sound is no better or more polished when slowed down (or when spaces are removed). The guitar tone is needlessly aggressive, and the fact that the chords are now played with at least some cadence provides context for the sharp, shrill overtones that now posion the air. The guitar solo is all over the place and noisy. Just when it feels like the song should end, it doesn't. They just play it again, with Jon's voice getting scratchier and more strained as he tries to pronounce the words with the correct vowels.

The guitar drones on for too long at the end of the song, eventually going way out of key. Deciding that slow music is not for them, they return to the fast-paced themes of "The Gutterati?" with all of the distracted 12-melodies-in-one bouncing of "Henrietta" on "Creepin' Up The Backstairs." Where do I begin? This song sounds like they wrote three different songs, realized that each of those songs was twenty seconds long, and then thought if they played the four songs fast enough, nobody would notice. The verse, bridge, and chorus feel disjointed and unrelated one to another. At one point, Jon begins to sing the chorus again despite the fact that all of the instruments have stopped playing. It seems like he never knows when to stop and when to go, that Jon.

Jumpy and erratic, this band have no respect for their studio space. The whole album plays like a joke. Is that what music is? Is music funny? My friends seem pretty serious about it. Is there some big satire I'm not getting?

"Vince The Lovable Stoner" sounds like it's trying to be a country song but it is just as distracted as the rest of the album, never making a cohesive or coherent conclusion, randomly kicking up the tempo or guitar tone for no other reason than that they haven't in a while. This album is a mockery of career musicians, who, while I will not understand, and who I will endlessly critique, do not deserve this harsh treatment. Have some class, boys.

Oh. Oh, no. Oh oh oh oh no. OK, you know when you're on the freeway, and you're trying to pass a guy who's going a couple miles under the speed limit, and they see you, so they slow way down just to annoy you? "Everybody Knows You Cried Last Night" is the logical extreme of the jumpiness and incoherence that I've been complaining about. Guitar and vocals out of time with each other, bridges completely removed from everything else in the song, and absurd tempo and rhythm shifts are giving me Captain Beefheart flashbacks. Jon's guitar solo may as well just be a middle finger to anyone who expects musical elements within a single song to fit together. It sounds like someone switched radio frequencies abruptly.

The good news is that we're at the point on the album where I don't believe anything will surprise me, anymore. Just like the Sex Pistol's angry one-chord ramblings, A Tribe Called Quest's two-bar drum loop monologues, and Captain Beefheart's goose honks and out of time drummers, I've become accustomed to The Fratellis' brand of not-being-able-to-sit-still-through-one-of-their-own-songs misogyny. "Baby Fratelli" is more of the same. Generic rock riff, bored drummer cycling through every drum beat he knows, singer singing about some woman of loose moral upbringing, 

Jon begins playing "Got Ma [sic] Nuts From A Hippy [sic]" before he remembers to count the rest of the band in, which is just bad form. Beyond the distracted, restless nature of the composition, it's also just rather disgusting to learn about the unhygienic conditions under which Jon lost his virginity. Whoever it was who spoke at the end of "The Gutterati?" about Jon's lyrics should probably be in charge of actually writing these songs. He couldn't be worse than this.

"Ole [sic] Black 'N' Blue Eyes" is the same song as "Whistle For The Choir" but without whistling, which I guess is good, except his breathless quivering on "eyes" in the chorus provides all the cringing and wincing we might need from this album. In what's almost a poetic way to end the album, Jon gets bored and starts singing along with the guitar.

Ultimately, I'm disappointed. While I doubted that the Sex Pistols, A Tribe Called Quest, or Captain Beefheart and his Magic Band actually knew anything about music, The Fratellis seem like they have potential to be real musicians. They've ruined any hope of that, however, by treating the whole thing like it's some big joke. They have taken their God-given talent to stay in time and hold a guitar (something I used to take for granted in a musician) and not only eschewed it by dismissing the idea outright, but lampooned it by recording an album at all. Whoever you anonymous person is, you should be ashamed of yourself. You call yourself a music fan. 

I don't know, maybe Travis will like this. 

If you think music is good, send me music, and I will tell you why you are wrong!

[pen-masta]

Let’s Play Pretend Part 7

Prologue  1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8

The first time he wakes up it’s because of the sun shining against his window blind bringing a warm glow into his room. He squints his eyes and slowly moves his arm around to check his watch—seven thirty in the morning. This is the normal time he’d be getting up to get ready for class. But today is Sunday, not only is it a Sunday, but the Sunday before a week off for Thanksgiving. He nuzzles back into his pillow relaxing more, smiling into the face of Joy as she sleeps.

Perhaps it’s weird but he always loved to watch her sleep. When they were teenagers he used to pretend to be asleep and wait for her to actually fall asleep, just so he could look at her. She was so beautiful even in this moment with her curls a slight mess and snoring lightly. Her eyes drifted shut, the crease in her forehead relaxed, and her lips parted just slightly allowing her breath to beat against his chin causing the hairs there to move in the wake. She even has the tiniest of relaxed smiles as she lies against him.

He blinks and realizes how close she is and suddenly how wrong this feels. He grits his teeth and decides he needs to change positions. Gingerly he leans back into the wall, carefully separating their legs which had gotten tangled together in the night, and ever so slowly he turns to face the wall. As much as he loves her and hopes she loves him to, he just doesn’t know how she’d feel if she woke up that close to him…although it was her idea to sleep like this in the first place so she knew how small the bed would be and how they’d practically be on top of each other…

His rational panicked side wins out and decides it’s best to lay like this for now, until he’s sure that his feelings resonate with her. As Rational and Irrational Castel battle in his head Castel yawns and slowly drifts back to sleep—seeing that the few hours of slumber he’s had were not enough to satisfy his body.

When he wakes up the second time he almost jumps when he sees the wall, forgetting where he is. The initial shock wears off as his sleepy brain kicks awake and he sighs checking his watch again—nine o’clock. He yawns and scratches at his scalp and looks over his shoulder to see a mass of brown, blue, and purple curls. He blinks and realizes Joy had turned away from him in her sleep. He ignores the pain that stabs his heart that she had turned away from him—after all it was in her sleep and not really a conscious decision…and didn’t he turn away from her first? He’s such a hypocrite.

He stretches his arms above his head and rolls back to face Joy. He sits up cracking his back trying to decide if he should get up or not. He glances at Joy and sees she’s laying on the very edge of the bed. If she rolled even in the slightest she’d fall off the bed. He frowns and wraps his arm around her waist and gently pulls her back away from the edge.

Just as he starts to move her, her eyes scrunch up before she whines in her sleep. He freezes as she huffs in protest of being moved. She wiggles and squirms on the bed next to him before stretching her arms out in front of her the way a cat would. He smirks and even chuckles a little at that, but before he can stop her she wraps her arm around his hooking it up to her chin and locking it in place with her other arm. He withholds a yelp as he’s pulled back down to a laying position. He blinks watching as she nuzzles his arm and smiles a little before she decides she’s comfortable again and goes still.

He lays there staring at his now trapped arm, if he moves it at all he’ll wake her. He’s stuck. He lays like this for a moment or two before sighing and snuggling into the mattress--after all he doesn’t have much of a choice. He yawns feeling the cushions of the old bed pulling him back into a comfortable bliss. His eyes are almost shut when he hears it. A very faint noise, that catches his sleepy attention. It’s an airy giggle. No, it’s an airy giggle of his name.

He blinks again and cranes his neck to look at her profile.

“Joy?” He whispers, “Joy are you awake?”

She says nothing. No response, no body movement, she is out cold. But she had giggled his name...in her sleep! He waits another moment to see if this is some kind of prank she’s pulling on him--Joy is known to tease him in such a way. But the slow speed of her breathing let’s him know she is still very much asleep. So he smiles.

He smiles and decides to truly accept his new position, and pulls her closer to him. He nuzzles his head into her neck smiling at the fact that even in her sleep he’s making her giggle. Ten percent.

He smiles and cuddles closer to her, resting his head next to hers on the pillow. His smile grows as he inhale the sweet smell of strawberries her hair is still emanating. The scent reminds him of strawberry shortcakes and strawberry Danishes drizzled with vanilla sugar frosting. Both treats are so warm and sweet, very similar to the girl who lays next to him in the bed.

A small hum of contentment rolls out of him as he snuggle close to her; his legs wrapping around hers, her back pressed against his chest, little brown curls just brushing against his nose. Another hum hits the air only it’s not from him, it’s from Joy. He grins more and as he drifts back into slumber he thinks to myself, Fifteen percent.

The next time he wakes up it’s because of Joy. She’s wiggling and squirming around so much it jostles him out of his sleep.

“Joy,” he whines tightening his grip on her, ceasing her movemnet. “Stop moving. I’m trying to sleep.” He groans squeezing his eyes tight. 

Joy sighs smiling, “Yeah ok sure, but I gotta pee.” She giggles and looks at him over her shoulder, “So can the prisoner be released, Warden?”

He growls and mumbles incoherently into her back. He tries to move his arm, he really does but he’s so tired the nerves in his arm are just not getting the memo. He must be taking too long because she starts to wiggle again causing him to whine loudly which in turn makes her laugh.

“Jooooooy,” he whines like a small child.

“Casssssie,” she whines back mocking him.

He growls and decides that if she wants to continue to wiggle and squirm around, he’ll give her a reason too. With eyes still shut, he smiles evilly as he begin to gently tickle her stomach where his hand rests. Joy stops moving for a moment before she wriggles violently.

“That’s not releasing! That’s not releasing!” She laughs out and tries to pry his arm away.

He chuckles holding her tighter to him to remove all hope of escape.  She laughs and tries to get away, when she realizes she can’t pry his arm away she changes tactics. Being very close to each other in this moment gives her a bit of an advantage. She quickly shoots her hand back to poke his side. 

It all happens so fast. He yelps and reels back from her only to slam his head into the cement wall. He cries out and his legs curl up, kneeing her in her back causing her to squeak before tumbling to the floor. The room is silent. The only noise is his minor moaning, and Joy breathy panting.

He whimpers and rubs the spot on his head.

“Serves you right jerk,” Joy giggles breathlessly from the floor.

He whines again and she sits up. Her eyes just peeking over the edge of the mattress.

“You ok Casper?” She asks concerned still panting. 

He moans again and nods, “Yeah I’m alright.” He huffs and holds his head.

Joy smiles a little and stands up leaning over his curled form. She gently removes his hand from his scalp before placing a little kiss on the slowly swelling sore spot. He blinks and looks up to see her smiling.

“I’m sorry you got hurt,” she says.

He shrugs and shakes his head, “No need to be.”

She nods and cracks her neck, “Well I don’t mean to leave you in your wounded state, but I wasn’t kidding about having to pee.”

He chuckles and rolls his eyes, “Go on go. Wound me and then leave me.”

“You wounded yourself,” she snickers before hurrying out of the room.

He stretches out on his back staring up at the ceiling. He debates on whether or not he should count that little kiss as anything. Should he count it as three percent or two percent? Or any percent at all? Would she have done that whether she loved him or not? Well she used to do that all the time when they were kids and he got hurt, come to think of it he used to do that to her as well. So is it a love thing or a friend thing or any kind of thing?

He’s so lost in his fog of swirling questions he doesn’t see her standing in the doorway of the bedroom. He registers a sigh and his eyes dart to her direction. She’s standing in the door frame looking at her reflection in his mirror. She’s twirling a curl around fingers with an odd look on her face. It looks as though she’s going to cry and yet she’s in deep thought.

He sits up and clears his throat, “Jojo? You ok?”

“Do you like my hair?” She asks a little too loudly

He blinks, that’s an odd question.

“Yeah I like it, I said that yesterday.”

“No you said it was different,” she corrects still not looking at him.

“A good different.”

“Does that mean you like it?” She says her eyes glancing at him for the first time. And suddenly they’re locked with the floor, “I mean I like it. I like the colors. I like the length. Though it’s never been this short before, but it’s nice to not have all the weight. And it’s light and it’s so much more easy to mange now and...” she rambles on for another minute or two barely stopping to take a breath.

He stares at her as she continues on her voice becoming white noise as he assesses the situation. Something happened. Something happened from the giggling to the bathroom and back. He’s not sure what’s triggered this, but there’s an undertone in her voice that he very rarely hears from her. Insecurity.

The words she saying, the endless list she has, it’s not that she’s trying to convince him she looks good with this new dew. But rather she’s trying to convince herself. He looks her over for a moment. Standing in the doorway of his bedroom, in his oversized flannel shirt, little elephant tattoo on her ankle, wildly colored curls...she sure doesn’t look like his childhood best friend. She looks more like his lover.

He shakes his head still hearing her fuzzy voice in the background. This has to stop. Getting up he crosses over to stand in front of her. She’s still bumbling through sentence after sentence about all the positives in having short hair. He puts one hand on her should and the other on her cheek. This shocks her out of her endless stream of words, and her eyes shoot to his.

He smiles sweetly, “I think you look beautiful Joy.” He moves his one hand from her shoulder into her hair pulling lightly at the curls. “It is very different I’m not gonna lie.” He can see the short breath she takes in and some flashes in her eyes that’s never normally there. Fear. But he continues smiling gently, “But it looks good on you. I like it Jojo. I like it a lot.” He says and he means that genuinely. Yes it’s different and it’s kind of a bit more wild than Joy has ever been, but he really does like it.

He notes how she breathes out the breath she was holding and he can feel her body slumping back into relaxation. He’s not sure why his opinion mattered so much to her right then but at least it calmed her down--he’s afraid she would have started hyperventilating soon if she didn’t take a breath.  

“Are you hungry?” He asks changing the subject

She blinks before smirking, “You know I’m always hungry.”

He chuckles, “Well you know I have no food here so let’s get dressed and go out and eat.”

“Sounds like a plan, stan.” She smiles and salutes him before grabbing her duffel bag from the floor and racing back to the bathroom. “Dibs on bathroom!” She calls before she slams the door shut.

He laughs and shakes his head before taking a seat on his bed. He analyzes what just happened. Why was she so worked up about her hair? Why did his opinion matter so deeply to her? Joy has never been one to care about what others think of her, so why now? Why him?

He sits on his bed in his own head trying to figure out what’s going on with her when a bag is thrown at him. He yelps as the bag knocks into his chest before falling into his lap.

“Dude I called your name like three times,” Joy snickers as she tosses his flannel onto the bed next to him.

He looks up to see she’s fully dressed--wow how long was he in his own head? He blinks and sees she’s now wearing a pink shin high frilly skirt, her pink Converse, rainbow suspenders that are covered in pins and bows she’s glued on--which hang at her hips, a t-shirt with a hammer on it that reads “this is not a drill!”, and cherry earrings. A little red heart fake tattoo sits on her cheek now, a daisy flower headband mixed in her hair, and of course his--her letterman.

She smiles at him as he stares at her, “You just gonna sit there and stare or are you gonna get a move on? I’m starving dude.”

He shakes his head and smiles, “I wasn’t staring and you’re not starving you’re just hungry.”

“Don’t tell me what I am,” she sticks her tongue out at him.

He chuckles and rolls his eyes before standing up.

“You know the difference between starving and hungry?” He asks as he scours the floor for some jeans.

“Nope but I bet you’re gonna tell me,” she sighs dramatically.

“Starving is when you’re literally dying of hunger and hungry is just simply the lack of food in your system, but not enough to kill you.” He smiles and picks up a pair of jeans that look moderately clean. He pulls off his t-shirt and throws it to the floor listening to her sigh.

“Thank you for the lesson professor,” Joy teases.

He chuckles and it sounds like she’s going to continue on, but she doesn’t for some reason. That reason being while she was winding up to tease him, Castel had in one movement husked his night pants off and kicked them off to the side. He now stands in his boxers in front of her--something that through all the years of knowing each other is not something new. He steps into his jeans before looking up at her.

Her eyes have widened slightly and a blush is clear on her face. She looks kind of shocked really which puzzles him. After this isn’t the first time she’s seen him like that.Countless times has she walked in on him getting dressed, or they had to share a small changing space, really this is no different than his swimming trucks. But this time is different, this time she’s blushing, this time she’s been caught off guard. She quickly looks away and twirls the curl by her ear around her finger.

“You know you really should do laundry before we go home,” she says quickly.

He blinks and stares at her, the way she’s standing, how quickly she’s speaking, the twirling of her curl--she’s nervous! He made her nervous! And what other reason would she be nervous than because she saw him in his boxers, which is nothing new but maybe this time she feels different! And that’s why it made her nervous and made her blush!

He smiles, twenty-five percent.

“Yeah yeah I’ll do the laundry when we get back,” he says and opens his dresser drawer. He pulls out a t-shirt that is sure to be clean seeing that he never wears anything from his drawer. He pulls it on and slaps his UW cap on his head beaming at her. “Ready?”

She blinks, gives her head a quick shake and smiles, “Ready when you are.” She smiles and turns to walk out into the living room.  

He goes to follow before glancing at the flannel on the bed. Well...it was kind of chilly outside. Without a second thought he pulls the shirt on and smiles happily as her sweet scent surrounds him...maybe he’ll wash everything but this shirt.

=================

As they ride the elevator down Joy babbles on about their plans for the up coming week off, stuff they could do, stuff they should do, and so on. She’s only interrupted when her phone screams out “Shot through the heart! And you’re to blame! Baby you give love a bad name!”

She squeaks and pulls her phone from her pocket to silence the call. As fast as it happened, it was enough time for him to see who was calling. He’s not the one to be nosy and up in someone’s business, but really the picture caught his attention. It’s a picture of a brown haired guy with green eyes and a brown beard with a bunny sitting on his head. The name that flashed on the screen was Jesse Darlin’.

He doesn’t recognize the attractive young man, nor the name, but what cuts him deeply is the contact title. Darlin’. His brain immediately starts into overdrive, how could she have feelings for him if she has a guy in her phone with the contact name Darlin’. What was his contact in her phone? Cassierole? Dork-a-doo? He can’t remember she’s constantly changing it with all the nicknames she has for him, but none of them express her affection like Darlin’ does. He grits his teeth as his twenty-five percent rapidly dwindles to ten percent.

“Sorry about that,” Joy says and stuffs the phone in her pocket. “Just a friend from school.” She smiles up at him and hooks her arm through his, “Where were we?”

“You were talking about the amusement park off of route--”

“Oh yes!” She exclaims and jumps right back in.

He glances at the pocket that holds her phone. That’s the same ringtone that rang last night at the yogurt shop. Joy had taken the guy’s call then, but if he recalls she had rolled her eyes. She didn’t want to answer, and right now she’s still ignoring his call. She’s ignoring his call to spend time with Castel. Her Castel. He smiles a little, well it’s gotta mean something if she’d rather spend time with me than talk to this guy on the phone. So we’ll say twenty percent.

When they get to the street her arm is still linked with his as they stroll down the sidewalk. He smiles more when her grip tightens on his arm pulling herself closer to him as she talks. He counts that as five percent.

“So where do you wanna eat?” He asks cutting Joy off of her daydreaming out loud Thanksgiving break plans.

“How much money do you got?” She asks with a smirk.

He laughs, “Can’t you bring your own money?”

She sighs dramatically and puts her hand on her forehead as if she were going to faint.

“Ho hum, I’m a damsel in distress! I am starving and I have no money to purchase food! Won’t some knight in shinning armor with a wallet come save me!”

He snorts and laughs which makes her giggle, “Alright alright I’ll buy breakfast.” He smiles.

“Wouldn’t it be more like lunch now?” She inquires and he pokes her side.

“Whatever meal of the day it is you’re still a mooch,” he teases and she sticks her tongue out at him.

He returns the gesture and takes out his wallet opening it to find a twenty dollar bill. “Well it’s not restaurant worthy.”

“But it’s the best kind of worthy,” she grins her eyes sparkling,  “Fast food worthy!”

======================

He brings their tray of greasy, cheesy, tacos over to where she sits.

“Alright two hard tacos, one grilled chicken taco, and two sweet teas.” He says setting the tray down. “Extra Blazing sauce per request.”

Joy pouts, “Cassie I didn’t want a sweet tea.”

“I know I know,” he sighs and slides into the seat across from her. “They aren’t making any freezies right now something’s up with the machine. So I got you your second favorite drink.” He smiles.

Joy’s lips quirk into a grin as well, “Oh alright all is forgiven not your fault my knight.”

He chuckles and picks up his grilled chicken taco.

“You know I’ve been thinking about it and I think I might have something to give you to cover my meal,” Joy says.

“Heck of a time to think of that now that my money is gone,” he teases.

She waves her hand dismissively as she then starts to dig through the pockets of her jacket, taking out various items in search of her money. On the table she lays down her room key, a stack of fake tattoos, a little slip of paper with stickers on it, three tubes of lip gloss, red, blue, and green scented markers, a few sticks of bubble gum, a purple sticky hand toy, some cough drops, a container of Silly Putty, a crumbled up pink sticky note, a gold class ring with a blue gem and it that looks a little too big for her, her cell phone, a tube of chap stick, and finally a rainbow splatter painted duck taped wallet.

He blinks and chuckles, “You know Joy I’ve heard of this new amazing product, it’s groundbreaking but hear me out...It’s called a purse.” 

She narrows her eyes at him and huffs, “I don’t like purses, ok you don’t know what it’s like to be a woman.” She jabs her finger at him, “No ovaries no opinion!” 

He laughs as she opens the wallet and blushes, “On second thought I am just gonna have to pay you back C-bear.”

He smiles and unwraps his taco, “Don’t worry about it Jojo. I don’t mind buying food for my mooch.”

“I’m not a mooch,” she laughs and opens her taco taking a Blazing sauce pouch into her hand. She reads the outer message on the pouch as she opens her taco and giggles, “Hey dork-a-doo, what do you call an acid with an attitude?”

He smiles, “I don’t know what Jojo?”

She snickers trying to contain herself, “A-mean-o-acid!” She laughs and he joins in her mirth--more so at how much she’s laughing over the corny joke.

He smiles as she rips open the pouch with her teeth before dumping the contents onto her taco. She carefully distributes the sauce over her taco. She sticks her tongue out a little, biting it as she concentrates on her task. He smiles when she starts to hum a tune that sounds a little like Honeybee by Steam Powered Giraffe. It isn’t until she looks up at him again that he realizes he’s been staring at her…grinning like a dope.        

“What’s up?” She asks

He shakes his head, “Nothing nothing,” he chuckles and bites into his taco.

She smiles cutely and kicks off her sneakers before pressing her bare feet against his knees. He doesn’t mind her feet against him, but it’s kind of gross that she’s in a public place with nothing on her feet. He wants to lecture her about the germs and how unwise this choice is and how she doesn’t know what’s on the floor, but he doesn’t open his mouth.

Instead his mouth is stretched into loving grin watching as she continues to focus on her spicy sauce distribution, her humming, her feet against him, her toes wiggling to the beat she humming, her tongue just barely sticking out as she concentrates. Her hair curling by her ears, the cute little white daisies standing out in her wild hair dew, her light pink blush on her cheeks, she looks utterly adorable. His heart throbs in his chest as he folds his arms on the table, just smiling and staring at her. He loves her so very much it pains him. And it looks like she’s enjoying herself as her feet rest against him, she wants to be close to him so he’d say he’s at thirty percent, maybe even forty. This is working out so good so far, at this rate he’ll be confessing to her before the end of the day. Joy looks up at him and the way she looks at him makes a warmth spread across his face and he prays he’s not blushing again. Joy smiles and bites into her taco.

He smiles and bites into his taco, Joy looks up at him again and looks as though she’s going to speak but she’s cut off by a loud rumbling sound. They both turn to see where the noise is coming from. Looking out the window they can see a group of bikers pulling into the parking lot, reeving their motorcycle engines loud. After a moment they turn the bikes off and the rumbling stops. Joy shrugs and turns back to her food, but Castel is still a little curious. He watches as the four guys stroll in through the Taco Toll doors. They all look like something cross between bikers and cowboys, but the one who stands out the most is the one guy at the front.

He dawns a black cowboy hat, an open black heavy looking dusty leather jacket, and a red and brown flannel shirt which he has buttoned and tucked into his jeans. His blue jeans look worn and even more dusty than his jacket, and he wears a brown belt with a big gold buckle just above his zipper—it looks like it has a bald eagle on it. He wears dark sunglasses, and brown muddy hunting boots. There’s the collar of a camouflage shirt peeking out around his neck where he’s left the top button of his flannel undone, and a black bandana with skull teeth covers his mouth. He pulls the bandana down off of his face to put a tooth pick in between his lips, and he takes off his sunglasses before turning to his pack and instructing them to get some food. Watching the small group head to the line Castel decides to stop staring and turn back to his own friend.

He opens his mouth to say something when there’s a noise, a very loud noise that fills the air. It sounds like someone whistling very loud grabbing everyone’s attention before a deep voice yells out a very articulate, “Yeeeeeehaw!”

Joy’s entire body tenses, the taco drops from her hand, her eyes widen, and he hears her say quickly, “Oh God please no!”

Castel turns just in time to see the guy in the black cowboy hat cupping his hands around his mouth as he yells. And then it all happens so fast he can hardly process it all. The guy smiles wide and charges at them, well no not at them—at Joy. He hoots and hollers as he scoops Joy out of her chair and into his arms. Joy lets out a loud yelp as the guy starts spinning around in circles, holding her bridle style in his arms.

After a moment he stops spinning and smiles brightly at Joy, “I found ya Bunny!” He yells happily, his southern accent very thick.

Joy shakes her head and glares the guy, “Jesse. Put. Me. Down.” She articulates.

“As the lady wishes,” he grins and sets Joy back on her feet.

Castel blinks unsure of what just happened, but he doesn’t  get the chance to figure it out. The guy turns his head, puts his fingers in his mouth, and whistles so loud Castel’s pretty sure his are bleeding. The three men he came in with turn to look at him and he waves his hat in the air.

“Looky here fellas! Look who I found!” He cheers.

And then there’s a stampede complete with cheers and yells from the three guys as they charge over to the table.

Joy’s eyes widen, she takes a few steps back, and she holds her arms out in front of her. “No, no, no, no, no!” She yells in a futile attempt to stop them—but it’s no use.

One of the guys grabs her around her middle and tosses her over his shoulder, before jumping around. Joy gives a desperate and high pitched ‘yip!’ before she starts laughing as she’s lifted into the air. The rest of the guys laugh and clap and holler as this all happens—it’s almost as if they’ve forgotten they’re in public.

The guy finally stops jumping and Joy pounds her fists into his back.

“Forrest, you cattywampus harebrained crooner!” Joy laughs, “You put me down this instant!” She demands and knocks his hat off his head.

“Only if you ask nicely sugar cube!” Forrest laughs and jumps again.

Joy laughs, “Forrest put me down, please!”

“Well I’d be happy to oblige, there lil’ lady.” Forrest smiles and puts Joy down.

She shoves him hard playfully and laughs, “Geez gotta jostle around my insides, don’t cha?” Joy complains and rubs her stomach where she had been resting against his shoulder. “I think you moved my lower intestine up near my diaphragm.” She shakes her head and smiles, “Normal people just shake hands you know?”

“What gave you the idea we was normal?” One of the other guys asks

Joy giggles a little, “A very true argument Cooper.”

Joy fixes her shirt and turns around. Her eyes are locked on Jesse and instantly her smile drops. Her brow furrows and she shoves passed the other three men to get to him. Jesse is much taller than Joy is, so she grabs the collar of his shirt and yanks him down until they are eye level. Jesse gives a goofy smile and Joy grits her teeth; a fire burning in her eyes.

“Why are you here?”

Jesse rolls his eyes and chuckles, “I came to get ya Bunny.”

“I told you not to come!” Joy hisses and stomps her foot, “What part of don’t come Jesse, do you not understand?”

Jesse shakes his head and eases her hand off of his shirt, “Easy now Bunny, no need to be a Dixie Diva.”

“How did you even know I was here?” Joy demands with her hands on her hips.

“Well I was talking to your roommate.” Jesse smiles and puts his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans. “She told me you was going home for the week, but then I woke up on Friday and you was already gone. Then I found out you were headed out here before you were headed home.” He chuckles and scratches at his brown beard, that Castel is just noticing now because…?

Joy cheeks burn bright red as she grits her teeth, “She told you?”

“Yeah,” Jesse smiles brightly. “How come you didn’t tell me?”

Joy growls and closes her eyes, “I didn’t tell you cause I didn’t want to tell you, I thought I made that clear.” She hisses and crosses her arms.

He waves away her comment and continues, “Anyways I asked her if you had left for home early and she said you were going to go to Seattle Washington to visit a friend. The boys and I had a gig in the next town over last night and I figured afterwards I’d come over here and getcha.”

Joy makes a face and Jesse backtracks, “Don’t look at me like that Bunny.” He says and holds his hands up in surrender, “I didn’t know you was here here. I knew you were in here in Seattle, but I didn’t know where. We was just about to start looking when the boys said they were hungry and we decided to stop for some grub.”

“And you just had to choose here, didn’t cha?” Joy smiles sarcastically and narrows her eyes.

“By chance we did,” Jesse smiles not catching on to her sarcasm. “And fancy that! Boom! Here ya are!”

“Yes here I am,” Joy says in sarcastic happiness. “I’m here with my friend!” She hisses and growls a little. “And you’ve just ruined a perfectly nice lunch I was having with him.”

“Friend?” Jesse questions and looks over at Castel for the first time. His eyes widen and he takes off his hat, revealing his brown spiked up hair—the tips of his spikes are died a light red. “Well butter my behind and call me a biscuit! My apologies there fella!” He smiles sheepishly and walks closer to the table. “I didn’t even realize you was here, I was so happy about finding my Bunny I didn’t even notice you.”

“Bunny?” Castel questions his face contorting. He shakes his head thinking that’s not the question to be asking right now. “I’m sorry, who are you?” He asks

“Names Jesse,” he smiles and puts his hat on his head. “Jesse Darlin’.”

Castel blinks staring at this brown haired, green eyed man and realize he’s the guy that’s been trying to call Joy. And although he seems to be happy about finding Joy, she does not look happy to see him—it’s clear she doesn’t want him here.

Alright snap out of it Cas! He thinks to himself, This has gone on long enough you have to do something to get this guy to leave Joy alone. She doesn’t want him here. You’ve got to do something.

“And who might you be?” Jesse smiles kindly

Joy steps closer to the table starting to introduce him. “This is—” she starts to say but Castel cut her off.

He smile and stand up holding his hand out to Jesse, “Castel. I’m Joy’s boyfriend.”

Jesse’s eyes seem to sparkle a little and he grips Castel’s hand firmly, and places his other hand on top of their hands. He shakes Castel’s hand so hard and so fast his entire arm shakes. He smiles a big toothy grin and rolls the tooth pick to the side of his mouth.

“Well dippery do! That just about dills my pickle! So you’re her beau? Glad to meet cha Mr. Beau!” He grins and stops shaking Castel’s hand, but he doesn’t let go. “I’m Jesse. Her fiancé.”

[ladyjonquilinthenorth]

Stormb*tch

Before I begin my unsolicited recap of the episode, I beg you to please excuse the disorderliness of the piece and lack of direct quotes. I’m at work at the moment and I can’t fact check the quotes right now, so this post is pretty much based off of my impressions of last night and general scrolling through Tumblr. Please excuse the following incoherent jumble of thoughts.

Dragonstone

Ok. First impression, Fire Beast Castle is straight up sinister. It gives me the creeps. It’s all dark and brooding and I don’t know how those poor Targs of Valyria the Old were holed up in there for 100+ years. I would have gone crazy.

D is headed down the path of insanity and I HAVE NO REGRETS. Her little speech to Varys was vaguely threatening AF. Be my dude and bow at the altar of my greatness, and you may live. Poison me like you advised Good King Bob and I will feed you to my dragons. Tell me, o readers, is this what one calls a kind, benevolent, and just queen?  It’s becoming clearer and clearer just how opposite Jon and D are. One is, like I said, just and benevolent, and the other is ruthless, power hungry, and much much much too self-confident.

I gotta say, though, I have a soft spot for wise old ladies, and I loved the little conversation with Olenna, and how she inspired the great and mighty Mother of Dragons to listen to her sage advice. Ignore the men and you’ll survive. Advice that I wholeheartedly agree with, though at this point, I’m kinda rooting for D to disregard said advice because *whispers*I don’t want her to survive. There. I said it. Make it quick, GoT Fandom. I don’t want to suffer.

And don’t even get me started on the Lady Mel’s sudden appearance! Did you see how D’s eyes light up when she hears that the prophecy may not necessarily be referring to a prince?? That lady is headed down the rabbit hole and I am here for it. And D, from one gal to another, you are NOT Jon Snow’s QUEEN until he kneels to you (which I hope and pray that Jon will not be stupid enough to do). He has his own kingdom and until he decides to proclaim you as such, you really need to get a hold of that self-titling obsession you’ve got. It’s not pretty.

Ok, but GWxM killed me. KILLED ME. “I have one weakness” ahjdhflhlsfhlgsjlgsjlgjslg. But to be honest, you know how it is when you play the Game of Thrones. They’re both basically walking corpses now :(

King’s Landing

“In Essos, her brutality is already legendary. She crucified hundreds of noblemen in Slaver’s Bay. And when she grew bored of that, she fed them to her dragons.”

Cersei, pal, I never thought I’d say this, but I agree with you, lady. I agree with you! This woman knows of that which she speaks.

@heathergee25 has a Tarly theory that looks to be on the right track. Go check it out!

Otherwise, idk, bored.

Oldtown

Ew, Samwell, ew. That scene was basically me browsing through another window on my screen while crackling flesh and unholy grunts made their way through my headphones. Poor Jorah and his love letter to his Khaleesi.

But I love the fact that, as JBW pointed out, bookish, shy Sam was never good at anything, yet here, in the library, here he finds his battleground, and I firmly stand behind all those underappreciated BTS players who ultimately save the day!. Sam “I killed an actual White Walker with a blade of glass” Tarly is not here for your “no can do” attitude. Looking at you, Maester Slughorn.

Arya

My baby Arya is going home!!! Hot Pie called her pretty!!! I think that’s the first time in her life she’s been called pretty and she liked it!! And her face when she finds out that her beloved Jon Snow is now King in the North!! Damn you, D&D, making my baby Starklings just miss each other. Can’t say I’m surprised, though.

I don’t cry often when watching things, but I literally had tears of joy welling in my eyes when Arya spotted Nymeria and she let herself be petted. Man, that wolf if huge! And then, of course, when Nymeria backed away, my heart cracked just that wee bit. *sniffs* WHY?????

Somewhere in the Narrow Sea

I’m not one for battle scenes, so I didn’t really follow along. Sorry if that’s your thing. BUT, Yara and Ellaria get it on, obviously, mere moments before their ship is ransacked by Pirate Uncle Euron. Obviously. Never really cared for the Sand Snakes, so I’m glad they’re gone. And Theon. I don’t know what set him off, but that guy has some serious PTSD and that breaks my heart. Are you dead, Theon? Please don’t be dead, Theon. I have so many questions.

Winterfell

Saved the best for last. *rubs hands gleefully together* Let’s get down to it!

I’mma be honest  here for a sec, we got wayyyy too few North scenes and they were much too rushed.  I would be happy to watch an entire 8 seasons of just my Starklings home in their ice castle. But that’s just me.

Boy, they are really laying it on thick with the Ned/Cat parallels. They’re not even trying to be subtle at this point. The first scene begins just the way the Ned/Cat scene begins in S1. An arrow hitting a target with the lord and lady figures looking down from on high. I swear though, that’s a scene straight out of a Jonsa future-fic. Mother and Father gazing down proudly as their Stargaryen babies become the best archers and swordsmen in the land.

Jon looking to Sansa for her take on Tyrion great and if you still think StarkBowl is an actually feasible possibility as cast and crew love to claim, just watch the episode. You’ll have no doubts whatsoever.

Ok. Meeting scene. I know that we all may not agree with Jon’s decisions all the time, but he is just, benevolent, and decisive. All good things in a king. Now, if he would only listen to his platonic-hot-sister-wife-hand-queen, that would be even better.

He makes his decision with listening to the dissenting voices and you know what, I understand him. “The North is my home. It’s part of me and I will never stop fighting for it, no matter the odds”. Jon has no desire to meet D. He has no desire to bend the knee. He needs the dragonglass and that is the one and only reason why he is going south. Sansa knows that he needs the weaponry and the army that D can provide. She knows that the WW are the biggest threat right now. But she protests because she’s SCARED. The last two times that the Starks rode south, they never returned. Also, kinda awkward that one grandfather roasted the other one. Oops.

But that look when Jon turns to Sansa, looks her straight in the eye, and says “I will accept”, did me in. It’s like no one else exists in the room and Hubby just asked Wifey for her consent in their secret married language. But what absolutely killed me was Sansa’s face when Jon leaves her the North. Props to Sophie and Kit, you guys, I have no words. Sansa haters will say that this is all she wanted, for Jon to leave her in charge to do with Winterfell what she wants. I say no. Sansa has been through so much, and as another blogger pointed out, they both have been constantly told that they know nothing. To suddenly have her experiences acknowledged and validated, and to be put in a position of trust by the ruler of Winterfell, I think that is the most gratifying, humbling thing she has ever experienced. And that all is clearly written on her face. Sophie, I love you.

One last thing. When Sansa gives her speech that Jon is abandoning the North, his people, etc, I SWEAR it’s on the tip of her tongue to say “you’re abandoning me”. I swear it. Fight me. 

THE SCENE which I have literally been looking forward to since the trailer came out was everything that I could have wanted, and more! Jon staring teary-eyed at the statue of his “father”, LF creeping up behind him like the creepyfinger he is, muttering unnecessary nonsense about Cat and how she never loved Jon. Jon is all like “why are you here, tho. Go away, asshole”. And as he’s about to leave, LF let’s slip about Sansa. And Jon FLIPS OUT. My lords and ladies, let me tell you, LF had a suspicion and that suspicion was just confirmed. The most fascinating thing about this episode, TBH, was watching Jon’s face transform from calm, annoyed indifference to snarling dragon-wolf hybrid ready to attack. I mean, his lip twitched and he actually snarled! I am always here for baby Jon going all Crazy Grandpa Aerys when somebody insults his platonic hot sister wife. Always here. And that smirk on LF’s blue face as Jon exits the crypts in a huff, that man knows things.

Not gonna lie, super bummed that we got no formal goodbye scene, and Jonny galloped out of Winterfell way too fast. But I do have some thoughts on what we did get. That wave. Now, I don’t remember the Jaime/Brienne scene, but seeing the gifs floating around, yep, I agree. But what I got from that brief moment was that there was a general feeling of controlled, conscious restraint. Sansa agrees that it’s necessary for Jon to leave. But she’s freaking terrified, and I think that if she lets slip something more that a curt wave and shy smile, the whole dam will break loose and she’ll never recover. That’s what I got.

Ok, time to wrap it up. Thanks for getting this far, hope you enjoyed my ramblings, and tell me what you think.

Love ya, Jonsa fam!

[aph-2p-headcanons]

Can you do the 2ps reacting to their s/o coming out as trans (ftm)? (This is the same person that asked you about the poly 2p Russia x trans s/o x 2p America and I really wanted to thank you for that- I've been feeling really dysphoric recently and this has helped a bit. Again though, if this is out of your comfort zone I completely understand)

(anything for you guys! i wish you the best of luck with your dysphoria, i know how hard it can be. don't forget you are completely valid no matter what anyone says

2P!Italy: He'd be surprised that you hadn't told him sooner, but trusted your judgement regardless. He doesn't react all too much, but he smiles and kisses your hand and tells you that he's happy you trust him to know 2P!Romano: He would ask if you had truly thought those suits he made were for him; those totally aren't even his style! ((he would be really happy and probably force you to go shopping so your deadrobe didn't make you so dysphoric - he knows exactly what kind of binders are the best))2P!Germany: He would be extremely nervous if you were trying to stall, thinking you were going to break up with him or something. Once you told him he started laughing (relieved), which probably gave you a heart attack, which then gave him a heart attack and he was like "i wASNT LAUGHING AT OYU I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA ROAST ME OMF BB AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABE *incoherent German yodelling*" and then start rapidly explaining uselessly. That probably made you laugh, and when you laugh he laughs, so you're both probably standing in the middle of your room laughing really hard for no reason. He tries to make it light so you don't seem so hard on yourself; he's super proud that his boyfriend is comfortable enough with himself to tell him!! 2P!Prussia: he would probably start silently crying and you're like ??????????? same?? but,, ????? and he would just hug you wordlessly because he knows what it's like to feel trapped and would cuddle with you the rest of the day 2P!Japan: He's a little confused? He knew that already and yet you seem so anxious? Kuro would try to be as gentle as possible in explaining that he already knew (without trying to sound like a total asshole) and then probably say something like "nice babe 2P!America: ^ would do the opposite. he would take you to your favourite place and be super smiley because!!!!!!!!!! look at my boyfriend!!!!! isn't he so handsome??????????? and he would smorch you everywhere and more2P!England: he, too, would cry, but he would just ramble about how much he loves you and that you're so amazing to let him know something so big about you. he would quickly attempt to compose himself, but probably celebratory stress-bake and you would be like "bB IT'S OK IE--" "LOVE JUST LET ME FINISH THI S TIER-" "OliVEr"2P!France: he would actually show you his b e a u t i f u l  t e e t h for once, crack open a bottle of his good wine, and spend the rest of the day telling you about how he's still the hot boyfriend (to which you snort and probably spray wine)2P!Russia: he'd be kind of deteriorating a bit because he literally just called you something feminine before this and now he is apologizing and he thinks you will be angry and you're like "no babe i just told you" and he would try and stop apologizing but he's ju st,, so , g ay, and all of his doritos would fall out of his fanny pack and now there are tears in his eyes as he tries to pick them up and you threaten to leave with the kids and now he is seeing himself in a coffin from an astral point of view then bAM you're snapping your fingers in his face, asking where he went and he is like "i... i don't,, i don,t kno w,,... i'm proud of you for telling me" and now he's acting weird because he just spaced out and thinks that you know about his dorito fanny pack and now he's paranoid and itchy and he just wants to go to bed (td;lr he paps ur head and tells u ur valid af 2P!China: would instantly become your bodyguard and try and fight anyone who misgenders you. loves you so much and just wants to see you smile, so he puts sticky notes saying how hot you look or how your wedding suit is gonna have flames like guy fieri and that he accidentally ordered some edible arrangements what how'd those get there ://2P!Canada: he would blush and be like!!! "ah! yay bby u prince :0" then ask you questions so he knows what will best make you comfortable and then he will surrender his Prized Boyfriend Hoodie (the spare, you already have the original. damn you and your greedy fingers) and try to see if his old Timbs fit your feet so you can match (unless you have super big feet you will trip the second he laces them on you) (he will laugh because he is actually satan with a heart)(i tried to make these more humourous as I went, i'm really sorry if i offended you in any way, shape, or form! all of the boys would be overly supportive and be so proud to call you their husband one day ;) )