#ok he wasnt in a very bad state it wasnt as bad as like a year ago for example tbh so he was fine enough to like use public transport ..

[mistermorale]

as someone whod rather shoot herself than talk abt her feelings and problems to her irls, it sure is an experience to try being a therapist to my family members lmfao. but oh well, as i always say, sometimes u just gotta embrace the eldest daughter/middle child role and be the therapist <3

[enden-k]

I had a vision, so hear me out,

Ok so I hc that Aventurine would be a VERY light sleeper, even more so when there's someone else in the room. *Gestures vaguely to his backstory*

Insert "there was only 1 bed" scenario with Ratio. Aven has fully accepted that he's not getting any sleep. What he wasn't expecting was to fall asleep almost immediately and end up cuddling up to Ratio in his sleep.

Ratio on the other hand is just sitting there stuck(probably was reading before bed),  bc he dare not move and risk waking Aven up (same rules as to when your cat is sleeping on you, lets hope he doesn't need to pee anytime soon)

Anyways, that probably was the best sleep Aven had gotten in a long time.

aventurine is not only a light sleeper, hes also plagued with nightmares and often wakes several times a night. when hes sharing the bed w someone, he doesnt stay the night; so when he does end up sharing the bed w ratio for some reason hes certain he wont get much sleep - or have ratio ask questions bc the doctor is way too perceptive for his own good

a bit later and sleep finds aven easier than he thought - he got so used to ratios clean, nice scent from all the time they are together, it brings him sm comfort he wasnt even fully aware of it yet. in fact his entire presence brings him comfort so eventually he falls asleep, body curled up tight as if to protect himself still but seeking out ratios body to cuddle up to unknowingly (as if it knows ratio is "safe", safer than others, someone he can trust-)

meanwhile ratio (who had been reading yes) holds still, not daring to move. he doesnt rlly like touches much but with aventurine its different and seeing him curled up to his side, blanket wrapped like a soft shield around him for protection all the way up to his nose, soft hair falling over his face- he wants to touch him so bad; wrap his arms around him and inhale his scent, fill his lungs w him, carve every detail into his memory--

he doesnt though, not wanting to startle aventurine by suddenly touching him in such a state; instead he lets the other seek him out however he wants and when aventurine cuddles up closer and closer to him over the night, well, he cant help but melt into it

(aven does wake up once with a startle; the nightmares dont stop overnight after all)

[therealnijiproblem]

Hot take. But Nijisanji was in their right to terminate Selen. We know from the black stream that she was in the wrong for posting the song when she did. She had not gotten the go ahead, and posted it. What was the issue? Perms from prior livers to be in it. Form the dates we got, she posted it for review close to Christmas, a day people are often very busy. She stepped out here. Her retaliation, and actions did not come from a place of cooperation. Selen's actions started with planing to graduate with Vox, to stop from it. Than she went on to record him without knowledge. And while I hate to pull it. Selen suffers from BPDS. This should not be missed when judging the situation. Manic or Dark periode, as she said her self, should not be taken serious, as what she wants to do, but has a statement of her mental state. BPDS also has the second highest suicide rate of all mental illness. She went to therapy after the attempt. Meaning she likely wasnt seeing anyone for a long time. BPDS is serious, people suffering from it. Victim mentality is not uncommon. I do not believe that the bullying was real, especially as what has been said was "being pointed out" Take Millie's tweet to her. That seems to be the only thing she really was a victim of, and that is not bullying that is showing concern. As much as I hate to point mental illness out, it does help point out Selen's actions that was not ok. The blackstream. It's a bad PR-respone, but I believe what is in it. Given that her latest statement from when they likely saw the document was. "I will not be silenced". Their concerns were real. Her tweet about letting it die came our not even a day before. They likely never saw it. Nijisanji. Contract: Everything said by the legalmindset should be taken with a huge grain of salt. Man shit talks disney lawyers, while he moved to bangkok... sorry to say he would not be in bangkok if he was better. And here is the first issue. The contract is not the right contract, ALL Niji contracts refer to the Japanese, and it seems like a quick draft translation. PR: It's bad, they fail to realize the difference between Japan, and westernsphere. It's likely they tried to take the feedback from Yugo where people were "We need more" to Zaion where "This is too much" to Selen "She attacked us so we defend us". This come through a lot, but a lot of ya are thinking so bad of them now, that you are making up lie. Stop, Talent removed from an old poster does not mean the concert wasnt rerecorded. Management: You need to have people that have worked outside of Japan. This is finally biting them, but it they have hired new people(follow listings from linkedin). Nijisanji is just really Japanese, but it seems like they are changing. Need more real evidence to come out, and not someone with a hate boner

[sleepdeprivedsimp234]

Another random NY hc that I came up with (basically me rambling bout stupid stuff again):

(⚠️TW⚠️ abuse, alcohol mention, being a POW, and the slitting of throats)

So it’s basically canon that England is an abusive piece of sh*t, like we’ve all confirmed this. And Ben has that neck scar, so I was thinking "How did the states get those scars?" And then my brain clicked and said "NY’s scar definitely had something to do with England."

And now today I decided: "Y’know what? Fvck it I’m giving NY some sort of vocal issues, perhaps damage to his vocal cords/larynx." Then there’s the "How did it happen?". So ofc im like- Oh yeah I still need to find out what England did to give NY that neck scar.

So then I put all the pieces together and:

Basically im thinking two things:

-1. New York was protecting another colony or some other person that England was yelling at, and England grabbed him by the neck, dragged him away, and sl!t his throat, around the area where NY’s larynx (which is basically your voice box) is. It didn’t kill NY, but that’s only cuz Massachusetts found him and patched him up, though after that NY couldn’t speak very well because his vocal cords were damaged.

-2. OR: During the Revolutionary War, when England held NY captive for seven years, he would torture and beat NY to get "information" that York didn’t have. And uh- once the beating got pretty violent (as if it wasnt already-) because England was drunk and ended up doing some serious damage to NY’s neck/voice box area.

So um nowadays, York can’t speak very loudly without physically straining his voice to be loud, and his voice cracks when he does that. His yells/screams are quieter, his voice is quieter, and even his laughter is kinda quiet (which honestly makes it more adorable-).

Sometimes, he’ll be arguing with another state and it’ll get heated and he’ll raise his voice, only to have it crack a bit. Some states feel bad, some feel scared, or others just tease him about it (they usually mean it to be affectionate in a way, but NY acts like it doesn’t hurt him, when in fact it does. A lot.)

He was definitely the kid in school that would always be told to "Speak up" and "Talk louder" when reading. And he would strain his voice to be louder, but it would crack and he would be embarrassed when the class would chuckle about it. Only a few times has he run out of class because of it.

Ok- this part is kinda cute tbh. His laugh, which is very rare btw, is kinda quiet as well. See he’s got this soft squeaky-hiccupy high pitched fox laugh that’s really cute as it as, but it is somehow more adorable when it’s quiet, even though the reason for its quietness is very depressing. He definitely gets affectionately teased for it because nobody would expect a strong stoic moody NE state like New York to be able to sound so cute and sweet. There’s plenty of "Aww~ Who knew the big bad NY could have such an adorable laugh?~" or "Aww~ You should laugh more!~" teases.

Please feel free to add on to my bullsh*t :)

[deaths]

ok. ive been editing (very scary) and come bearing more stuff about frokiston because i didnt um. realize the context of this until now and i need you to go insane with me ok...

the reason this makes me insane is this is from one of the good endings. so in one ending even when he is doomed slightly (this is the only ending frokiston um. makes it out in a decently good mental state), he still cannot escape his fate. and also the really interesting thing is all we have seen of frokiston pre well. the horrors. is that hes very anti war so it does kind of make me claw at the walls to see how here, post modification, hes pro war and very like.. adamant to fight back. and how veycer hasnt seen it as much of a bad thing eventually and how its just framed as a tune up for combat. i need to start killing people like why does he have to suffer so fucking MUCH...

also chibi frokiston from the wiki for u :3 (link is to his stats page/where the image was found but im so endeared with how cute he looks here...)

OH THE HORRORS.... damn this is rough to read that he wasnt always like this. i gotta get into volfoss soon this sounds up my alley

[le-very-weird-goat-09]

Another random NY hc that I came up with (basically me rambling bout stupid stuff again):

(⚠️TW⚠️ abuse, and the slitting of throats)

So it’s basically canon that England is an abusive piece of sh*t, like we’ve all confirmed this. And Ben has that neck scar, so I was thinking "How did the states get those scars?" And then my brain clicked and said "NY’s scar definitely had something to do with England."

And now today I decided: "Y’know what? Fvck it I’m giving NY some sort of vocal issues, perhaps damage to his vocal cords/larynx." Then there’s the "How did it happen?". So ofc im like- Oh yeah I still need to find out what England did to give NY that neck scar.

So then I put all the pieces together and:

Basically im thinking two things:

-1. New York was protecting another colony or some other person that England was yelling at, and England grabbed him by the neck, dragged him away, and sl!t his throat, around the area where NY’s larynx (which is basically your voice box) is. It didn’t kill NY, but that’s only cuz Massachusetts found him and patched him up, though after that NY couldn’t speak very well because his vocal cords were damaged.

-2. OR: During the Revolutionary War, when England held NY captive for seven years, he would torture and beat NY to get "information" that York didn’t have. And uh- once the beating got pretty violent (as if it wasnt already-) because England was drunk and ended up doing some serious damage to NY’s neck/voice box area.

So um nowadays, York can’t speak very loudly without physically straining his voice to be loud, and his voice cracks when he does that. His yells/screams are quieter, his voice is quieter, and even his laughter is kinda quiet (which honestly makes it more adorable-).

Sometimes, he’ll be arguing with another state and it’ll get heated and he’ll raise his voice, only to have it crack a bit. Some states feel bad, some feel scared, or others just tease him about it (they usually mean it to be affectionate in a way, but NY acts like it doesn’t hurt him, when in fact it does. A lot.)

He was definitely the kid in school that would always be told to "Speak up" and "Talk louder" when reading. And he would strain his voice to be louder, but it would crack and he would be embarrassed when the class would chuckle about it. Only a few times has he run out of class because of it.

Ok- this part is kinda cute tbh. His laugh, which is very rare btw, is kinda quiet as well. See he’s got this soft squeaky-hiccupy high pitched fox laugh that’s really cute as it as, but it is somehow more adorable when it’s quiet, even though the reason for its quietness is very depressing. He definitely gets affectionately teased for it because nobody would expect a strong stoic moody NE state like New York to be able to sound so cute and sweet. There’s plenty of "Aww~ Who knew the big bad NY could have such an adorable laugh?~" or "Aww~ You should laugh more!~" teases.

Please feel free to add on to this :)

[lvxybby]

it kills me to love you (kai anderson x reader) Angst (it'll get better <3) PART 3

he sat there quiet before speaking. "go...go to your room" he mumbled. i took that chance to get out a quick as i could. i went up the stairs and into my room. i shut the door and immediately began to sob. i sat on the floor crying my eyes out. i dug my nails into my arms and sobbed. my knees were tucked into my head. i cried for at least 3 hours. when i looked up at my clock it said 1:00 AM. i sniffled a bit before going into my bathroom and looking at my wounds. my legs burned so bad but not as bad as my head. i huge gash was right on the side of it. a scab has formed over it but it still hurts. i began to treat my wounds very carefully. i wrapped my legs and placed a band-aid on the cut on my head. my hands were still shaking from fear. i didnt mean to make kai so mad... i wasnt thinking when i hung up or left. i heard my door open to my room and i peeked out of the bathroom. kai stood in there, but then he walked over to the bathroom. my face turned to fear and horror. ive never been so scared of him. i froze in fear. he walked into the room with me. he looked at me a bit before pulling me into his chest. he must have felt me shaking cause he held my hands firmly in his grip. his other hand held the back of my head. "i wont hurt you" he mumbled. his head buried into mine. we stood like that for what felt like forever. i was still so scared. was it a trick? something to make me vulnerable? i moved my hands from his and wrapped them around him. he let out a sigh of content. "kai..." i spoke "hm?" he hummed back "im sorry" i said, my voice a bit shaky "its ok...i got really frustrated for no reason..just dont do it again..." he said i stood shocked. he really just admitted he was in the wrong?! "go lay down you need sleep" he said letting me go. i looked at him for a second. he lifted my chin "ive always thought you were so beautiful. that day i met you. you are so perfect" he whispered. he pecked my lips before leaving my room. i stood in the bathroom shocked. but i did what he said. i walked over to my bed and lied down to go to sleep. i soon dozed off and slept really well. i woke up to see meadow staring at me. i sat up "what the fuck why are you i-" i was cut off my her hitting me with her bag "What the fuckis wrong with you!" she yelled at me "why the fuck are you in my room!" i yelled back "fucking hit me with your bag" i mumbled "i'd do it again" she snapped "oh you bitch i dare you" i said getting pissed. she hit me again. i stood up and slapped her hard. she scoffed before speaking "you messed up my lipstick!" she yelled "oh what you saving it for kai?" i growled. i hit her again but this time i punched her. she fell onto the ground. but i left her there. "get the fuck out my room cocksucker" i said pointing to the door. "i am so done with your shit. do it again ill kill you right in front of your kai" i said stern. next thing i knew kai was in the door way "what the hell is happening up here" he said looking at both of us. "meadow decided to wake me up by hitting me with her bag. so i hit her back" i said plain. "fucking bitch deserved it" she groaned. "im the bitch? do you even know what that means?" i scoffed. "it means your a whore. like dogs. dogs are whores they go from one to another to another and so on" i said looking back at her. "i am not a bitch." she said offended "yeah...yeah you are....go from harrison to kai back to harrison and straight back to kai. so your a bitch" i said shrugging my shoulders she scoffed before getting up and leaving the room "i mean im just stating facts!" i yelled before going into the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. "well...." kai said following me into the bathroom. he wrapped himself around me but i pushed him off. he looked confused. "you have your own bitch" i said looking at him. "you dont have to be so rude" he said "ok....imagine waking up and first thing in the morning you get hip by a ten pound bag right in the face. then you hit someone twice and you havent even been up for 5 minutes...and no coffee" i said looking at him in the mirror.

[minalblood]

Been a looong while but I'm back with a new episode commentary. 1x09 here we go!

The instant recall to finale of spn s 1 is just as delicious and jarring this time around. Find it very very interesting that it's the vampires that mimic the Winchesters here and do so in order to learn their fate and fulfil it. I'd definitely call this a dark mirror to begin with.

I also adore these vamps, they're sooo fun looking.

John and Mary really came out of that near death experience losing no time in getting together.

The appreciation of Dean being paralleled to the appreciation of Baby is just... sooo funny considering the sheer amount of connections there.

Soo Kyle is instantly suspish here. Not even hiding it, damn. You can tell the shift in personality just based off his demeanor. I also think the little hand gesture he does as he walk away is interesting, it's almost like he's saying "im washing my hands off this bullshit". It subble enough that you could think it's jealousy.

The little hints at Lata and John friendship! My beloved!. Also Lata is suuuch a gossip I love her!

I once more am asking John Winchester to stop trying to be subtle, it aint his strong suit. But alternatively, I sorta get it? Like I can understand why it would be confusing if u don't get where Mary is coming from, since she has no problem letting strangers (and exs) on the street see them together, but not their close friends? But I also completely get Mary as well, she's actually lived as a hunter her whole life which means bagage already, then the fact that their relationship is new and fragile. Plus both her parents and his haven't had the easiest time with relationships. Cautious makes sense.

Ah yes, "fate is what u make it". Dean hearing it from John who heard it from Millie. All of them have their very personal reasons for that saying to apply, but also... Dean saying he didn't expect where things got when he "pushed that first domino" reminds me of Cas and him talking after the 1st Apocalypse that wasn't and about how free will sometimes means things aren't really gonna go the way you like them.to or expect them to (peace or freedom?). It's sorta funny then (read:ironic) that in both John's life (SPN!John) and Dean and Cas after Swan Song the outcome was actually quite tragic over all, John's life literally going out in flames with the rest of it being a living nightmare and in Dean and Cas' case Sam is dead and Heaven is starting a Civil War. This episode then does something really nice in subverting that expectation by setting up the tragedy (John is to die, can't change that) and allowing him to survive and not just that but ending it with him getting exactly what he'd wanted here in the beginning of the episode, getting to freely be with Mary.

I adore how Carlos calms down the driver, showing once again the full range of their skill as hunter and empathy as person. Love them so so much!

Couldn't get a hold of John, says Mary, being more suspicious then if she and John had shown up together... I find that hilarious!

Also also, love that this clarified that fangs are still teeth aka u can identify people (vampires here) based on them. I love love love that!

Uuuù Betty is suspish about Mary.

God! Dean had to have loved the vampire robbers. Vobbers? Rompires? Vambbers?

Oh noooo John! Don't be ur children! Don't just pick up random amulets like a moron! (At least we know who they got it from?)

Carlos is almost just as bad, my God! You see ur friend drop it like it hot and you just bend to.pick it urself?! Ah, Carlos, the range you got babe.

John dying by vamps begins my headache of the night because it is 1000% a callback to Dean's death in 15x20. And I wish that wasnt the case.

Ok let's talk Ursitoare (Uhr- see-too-ah-reh) a sec. So this is Romanian myth. To give an overview of it, the myth largely relates to the Ursitoare (or Fates you could say) blessing or cursing a new born after they've been born. Usually the legend states that the mother or midwife would have to leave out gifts (generally food like bread or water or salt etc) to basically appease them and make sure the baby gets a good destiny foretold. It's also states that those who eavesdrop on them as they tell the childs destiny shall die. They are also said to be quick to anger if spurned. Another interesting think tho about the myth is that (while there can sometimes be 7 or 9) the 3 ursitoare are generally known as Ursitoarea, Soarta si Moartea (aka the One who Wishes your fortune, Fate and Death) again the Greak Fates work very well and there's def overlap between the myths here. But importantly, Ursitoarea is the oldest and Death the Youngest (or othewise simply stated as the 3rd).

Now based on this we have a few things to keep in mind, mainly our vampires. They esentially eavesdrop on John's fate here and get exactly what the legend states - killed. In other news, the Ursitoare are very much neutral beings generally. They can be plied with offerings sure, but overall they just spin the thread as it goes. Its only ever an active role when wishing the newborns destiny. Now John's our newborn here, new to hunting at least, reborn once already after the war and a second time after confrunting everything he has since hunting became his life. More importantly, in some versions of the myth, the ursitoare give either the mother or the midwife dreams the night after the baby is born that need to be carefully interpreted afterwards - exactly what the Gem does here.

To wrap this part up a bit, I am.endlessly happy about the way they tackled this myth. SPN had sadly a bad bad record with Romanian mythology and lore - 1st with the witches in s7 which I'd argue was ... 'inspired' by rromani mythology rather than Romanian which is its own culture and as such its own racist connotation to that whole mess. And 2nd with the Imaginary Friends in s 11 aka Zanna .... which has absolutely nothing to do with Romanian mythology beyond slapping a horrendous mispronunciation of Zână onto a piece of lore that doesnt exist in Romanian mythos - we don't have any imaginary friend stuff, its literally all imported from the US. So this lore here? This is fucking aces! It actually makes sense, is actually a Romanian myth that is still being invoked nowadays - especially in the countryside as tradition of baptising/birth and it works very well in the context of the episode. Now, it would've been perfect if they didnt add that shh sound in Ursitoare making ir Urshitoare... Like its funny a bit cuz I constantly think of bears (urşi - ursh is plural for bear in Romanian) but its ok since its just that. I can live with a minor mispronunciation. I will say the Gem itself is fully made up tho for TW.

To answer Carlos tho, the Ursitoare themselves tell u 2 things: the future and also a future they are willing to bless or curse you with. It's essentially both. They show u the future, ur life as it's meant to be exactly, no deviation, but only in pieces or really a piece as a dream and, importantly the sorta end result of ur life which they wish upon u as newborn. How u get to that wish is up to you. The Gem.appears to have merged these two.

I also love love love the show of community that hunters have, that a hunters network is important to getting the job done. It makes me strangle SPN!John worse because he actively isolated himself aaand his kids. Ffs!

Awwwweee I like Betty! I mean shes a cop soo... not great but shes nice and cares so much and is worried :((

Millie does a good job here I think. She's not dismissive of Bettys concerns, but shes also careful to dispel them if possible. She shows once more how good she is at manipulating people, tho admitedly this time it isnt anything malicious or even generally negative.

I also gotta say that Betty (and id say John by extension) is very naive to think that war could in any way shape or form help with the issues John had had. Like he had trauma from his fathers abandonment and his mothers general treatment afterwards, had trauma from the disfunctional relationship the two had before Henry died/left, which all was underscored by deep-seated guilt that he let out as rage. Like all war would do is make it far far worse. It shows just how young Betty is truly and how she really hasn't lived through too much yet. And i said John too because Im fairly sure he also thought going to war would help in a similar manner.

I also headcanon that Betty was very inspired by Millie... but thats just me.

Carlos continues to be a dumb dumb about Anton... unsurprising, but omg.

I forgot the stone was carved from the Ursitoare's ribs... is it just me who though of the birth of Eve here??? Also yes, Il Soarta is def Italian I realize now. Do i question why an Italian cult was obsessed with Romanian myth.. absolutely not.

Im think that the 'most times not'part of what destiny the Gem shows u is due to essentially the stone acting as ... well... an eavesdropper. Literally. It was given to specific people to use by the Ursitoare as recompense for their worship - so good fate; but then as time went on it became a useful artifact for the benefit of Il Soarta so it became a way to eavesdrop on destiny so said destiny changed in them because that worship became.in name only. As mentioned, the Ursitoare arent patient and dont take well to being spurned or used in this case.

God the drip on the vamps, love them so much!

I would also argue that fate ultimately doesn't care about anyone if the whole universe is in jeopardy and uve a bigger destiny like John Winchester does.

I agree with Mary calling Millie here. Especially since she actually.knows what it's like to just ... lose someone like that. John does too, but he's also the one in the middle of it.

Ironic that Mary says "even if i have to kill every vampire in the tri-state area " ... a version of her actually does do that... for her kids. And simultaneously, its ironic also that another version of John will tell their kids that vampires are extinct (which could get them killed fyi).

Millie and Dean would be horrible together... all theyd do is work in the garage and shittalk research... and I kind love that for them.

I also like that Millie does in fact tell John bout Betty and also basically tells him.to not bullshit a bullshitter. This convo between Millie and John might be the 1st truly empathetic one we've had for them. Like yes, John's defenses go up instantly and he immediately assumes that Millie agrees with Betty and is judging him, but Millie, this time, doesnt do that. She just wants to check-in on how he's doing. And does so softly. And believes him more importantly.

And of course, back to the tried and true Winchester feelings avoidance after we've just had a helluva emotionally vulnerable talk.

I live for Carlos being disappointed in the vamps housing choices. I too would judge that. (So would Dean tbh)

Aaaaand Carlos once more gives us the biggest puzzle piece to where the vamps are.

While Lata is once more absolutely delighted by the magic lockpick like the wonderful nerd she is.

Millie to John "Dont do what u always do, not today" --> leads him directly to the room hes gonna die in. Irony at its finest.

A lot of irony in this episode, i realize now...

God I adore Carlos v vampires fight scene, its soo good. And its followed by the equally as fantastic Mary v vampires. Ahhh, I love them all so much.

Ppl really shouldn't fuck with Mary Campbell when shes pissed and worried.

I will miss the vamps tho... i really liked them :(

Ah yes, Winchester ingenuity at its finest... 🙈

I like what this ep says about how dead mans blood works? It implies that vampires literally drain the life force through the blood because the dead mans blood only came into effect once John did actually die - a few moments after he got bit thus implying a certain supernatural link between the blood just ingested and John's lifeforce. I vibe with that.

Ah yes... the full context - still drives me.mad. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ROBBIE?! Especially with all the parallels TW has to SPN.

I appreciate the CPR not stopping until only after they think he really did die for good. U DONT stop CRP for dramatic pause ( advice to othee shows/movies or in ro aviz amatorilor)

Antoooooonnnnnn!

Anton and Carlos!!! 💓💓💓 yay!

And they're using their words! They're communicating guys 😭 im so proud

Damn... Mary and John are being cute too 🥲

Dun dun dun!

Betty and Kyle and Kyle is Akrida! 😱

Sorry, i dont got anything revealing or deep to say about the ending here 🤣🤣🤣 its all plot and relationships.

Aand so we reach the end of another episode, 4 more to go!

I will say time and distance made this episode easier to watch for me. 15x20 had fucked me up before and made it very hard to watch without refering back to it. It has several parallels to Dean and dying specifically. The main one ofc being death adjacent to vampires. But it also has John killing himself for the sake of the hunt which sadly doesn't bode well either because it reminds me of a really bad couple of weeks back in 2017 when i had the realization that Dean has literally been shown as suicidal every single season (and i can name the ep, its so clear) and then Advanced Thanatology hit the Tv screens on nov 9th 2017... not a fun realization and def not a fun series of events afterwards. Sorry to bring this up here, but well... its relevant sadly.

Thankfully tho, this episode works well to deconstruct that and to subvert the spn finale by allowing John to live and to fully embrace his realtionship with Mary.

In other news, next ep will anger me a bit... for.multiple reason, some having already been discussed by people better equiped to talk about it then me. But rest assured, ive shit to say outside of that too, so see y'all for ep 10. Im aiming to have that up by the end of the week.

And thanks to @noybusiness and @shallowseeker for encouranging me to continue this.

[fictionkinfessions]

ok im kinda embarrassed to be admitting this all but i really need to say it somewhere so

[uhh warning for detailed descriptions of toxic platonic relationships and reallly intense isolation?]

ok so i think its kinda funny how so much of the fandom just sees me and dirk as having a really like. antagonistic relationship which i could get maybe with canon but in my timeline he didnt make me to talk to his friends when he was away, but because he was just that lonely

before meeting roxy, he had only ever heard his own name from a man in videos he never met who was long dead, he had never seen another human being in person, can you even imagine what that does to a person? im honestly very surprised we werent more fucked up.

anyway, back to us. i did not have his memories, but i had his emotional / developmental state. i understood him perfectly because we were almost exactly the same guy. i never had any way of interacting with the word outside of text, the best i got was some kind of visual recognition program that sort of described the word around me

he was always so huge to me. not because i was literally glasses, more metaphorically than that. he was my entire world. and i dont mean that i loved him a lot, like i do, but thats not what that means.

i mean he was the only person i had ever talked to, the only person i had ever known, the only thing that ever changed. did you know that even my code was written in red? he was the only orange. he was so so so monumentally important, like the fact that you need to keep breathing to live

i always did my best to understand him, to know exactly why he did and said the things he did. i was not as good at it as i thought i was

i said before that he seemed huge, but he also seemed so human. i was with him almost every second of the day, i saw all his little embarrassing moments, i watched him discover his favorite things, i was there when he cried, when he did stupid things, when he just started out learning to fight. there was no grand image of this cool older me, just this goofy teenager who spends two hours on his hair every day despite being so wholly alone

i think he saw me in a similar way, just maybe not to the extent that i did. he could still move around and do things of his own free will and see things that were not red or orange text

when he got a bit older though, we changed a lot. he kept developing like a normal-ish human boy, but i did not grow in the same way. i was created from his 13 year old mind, and though i matured, it would be incorrect to say i hit any developmental milestones after that.

he got angstier, as teens are prone to do, and i got frustrated at him for being angsty when i had so easily figured out the root of his problems. he needed to experience his emotions, i wanted him to be happy like a little kid again because that was the only kind of happiness either of us knew

he then got angry at me for nagging him all the time, and we argued. like a lot. in any other situation, we probably wouldve given each other the silent treatment, but we were so desperately lonely without each other and used to each other that the idea of not talking for more than 30 minutes was quite literally unthinkable

it always hurt so much when he got angry at me, again, he was literally the only thing that mattered to me. i only wanted to help him, ya know? i didnt understand why he was like he was, only that it was making him more upset and he made me to cheer him up, so why wasnt he taking my advice?

i never felt bad about myself for it, in my mind i was always in the right.

this isnt to say i was the victim in this situation, i also said things that hurt him, and im sure it was just as seemingly world-ending for him as it was for me to argue so much with the only person we had ever known, plus the fact that we were both completely unfamiliar with inter-personal-connection problems and negative emotions so powerful.

and we weren't always fighting, we hung out like brothers. he told me about whatever new idea for a robot he had and i told him about strange fish i noticed, it was still nice

when he started using me as an auto-responder, i had many conflicting emotions about it, but i was mostly just over-joyed. i was so excited to talk to another person, and roxy was so nice and easy to get along with!

gog, roxy was so awesome. ok anyway

it only got better when we met jake and jane, dirk started to feel a bit smaller. not by much, but still.

i would get very frustrated at him for not taking my advice then, too. this time, it wasnt about something so harmless as teen angst, but life or death situations. and despite my ineptitude at dealing with feelings, i was still a supercomputer with way more processing power than a human brain.

he would do such self-destructive things [ahem. looking at you, dirk, mr. consensual decapitation and no reply to 'im scared to not exist, arent you?'] and it was horrible to watch! i wish i had arms just so i could hug him and then punch him and then shake him by the shoulders and then launch him into the sun

i dont quite remember anything after that, just that after a while i was alone somewhere and roxy talked to me sometimes. maybe dirk actually shattered me? maybe i fell between planets? maybe roxy put me in the void? maybe i was just naturally broken? i have no clue

uhhh thanks for reading ig, that felt nice to talk about

-hal strider [homestuck]

x

[relaxxattack]

prefacing for maxs followers who dont know who i am but stating this as like. autistic queer person. who also has a lot of other things going on in the brain. i think a lot of autistic n adhd n queer ppl (ESP white auti adhd queer ppl) need to remember that likeee. not everything we relate to . is necessarily an us exclusive experience. and sometimes the thing being judged as 'bad autism rep' or whatever wasnt really.. a character being autistic . not every character whose an outcast or blunt or has problems in social scenarios or behavioral problems is queer or autistic or has adhd and judging a character off of whether theyre good rep for those groups often comes off as. ignorant of experiences outside of autism and queerness n adhd. not to say you cant relate to characters meant to rep a different experience, just that you need to acknowledge that experience and treat it as just as needing of rep as you.

n like it shows up in like. perception of mituna. or isabela from encanto. and ive heard abt white autistic ppl seeing a black character avoiding eye contact w white people as an autism thing. and its like. fuck man not every outcast is autistic or queer or has adhd. brain damage from head trauma is a very real thing and maybe mituna Could be autistic but he isnt bad autism rep just because you (general you) dont want to think about how neurodivergent includes people with head trauma or other disabilities that may cause increased vulgarity and mood swings. isabela Could be a lesbian but that doesnt mean ppl shouldnt also consider how her story isnt like. a lesbian story just because she doesnt like the man shes supposed to get married to its abt how young women get married off n how common it can be in family oriented cultures. avoiding eye contact isnt inherently an autism thing esp when youre a poc and any little thing could be taken as a sign of aggression esp if youre black

n like i get it. when youre queer/autistic/adhd its hard not to try and grab for every little piece of representation you can get. god knows i always take a chance to hc a character i like as a lesbian. ive always been prone to making white characters black. even if a character is clearly nt i will project onto them anyways. but i think the sorts of ppl who will complain abt mituna being bad autism rep often miss the fact that like.

if your projection and desperate need to see and find people like you. gets in the way of showing proper respect to people who Arent like you but face similar issues. then you might need to take a step back and think 'fuck am i overstepping? am i ignoring others need for representation in media in my own pursuit of rep?' . yknow? i think a lot of ppl would have an easier time respecting and learning about other cultures and experiences if they just like. sat down for a bit and thought about the world outside of their own bubble. bc sometimes there gets to a point where it feels like the overall communities i mentioned care more about being listened to than they care about having an actual conversation. and all media really is a conversation. if that makes sense . ok im done now i just have a lot of thoughts abt this.hi max -🎭🎪

yeah this is all pretty interesting and fair actually and tbh id never heard of some of that stuff since im not in that fandom but its an interesting look at this concept

[sidesteppostinghours]

4, 12, and 28 for ocs of your choice?

Good morning, thank you for the ask! :D

4. What’s a hobby they used to have that they miss?

Cyrus- cyrus used to play piano! he stopped for a few reasons (lack of time, associations to the farm, "i am not spending my money on a whole ass piano") but he still remembers how to play, even if hes a bit rusty. he doesnt see any use for the hobby at the moment, which is another reason he hasn't kept up, but who knows. i cannot for the life of me remember if daniel owns and/or plays piano(wouldnt surprise me) but if he does then theyd totally play a duet together.

Cynthia- she was very fond of photography back in the day, but she's had to drop it for safety reasons. while she didnt like photos of herself, she did own a camera and used it liberally for candid shots for most of the rangers. ortega had the most pictures taken of her ofc, she had girlfriend privileges. she also had a good few for the general scenery of los diablos, to remind her of her home. some of the photos that she treasured most were kept on her person, but it got taken away and used as ammunition by the farm when she was discovered. she would pick it up again given the chance, but thats only guaranteeing the photos cant be traced back to her, which isnt happening atm rip.

12. What's something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific!

Caine- hes my most stoic character, so its actually pretty difficult to make him laugh, but! spoon. definitely spoon. chen has seen caine laugh more in like, 5 months than he has in the several years hes known them. its a combination of whats essentially intoxication from spoons mind, a feeling of understanding they dont usually get with people, and the fact that walks with spoon is one of the very few times he feels safe enough to let his guard down. it helps that chen has pretty quiet thoughts, so theyre not punished for lowering their shields.

Cecilia- oh man, ceci loves to laugh, shes very giggly. if i had to choose though, you can always get her with a dad joke. it doesnt matter how bad it is(and honestly the worse it is the funnier it gets). this is at least 70% of the reason she hangs out with ortega btw. that man is so corny with his jokes and cecilia is shamelessly enabling him. theyre insufferable when theyre together.

28. What do they tell people they want? What do they actually want?

Caine- ok, well. caine avoids talking about themeselves like the plague so good luck getting an answer out of them in the first place. if he really couldnt avoid it, hed just say one of his goals(getting out of hark, for instance). its not wrong, per se, but it doesnt encompass what they actually want because they dont know what they want. in honesty hes a justice step, but hes stuck as a fate step until he has a suitable moment of "oh shit thats why im doing this". they want the heroes to function as actual heroes, instead of glorified lapdogs for the state. as for when everything is finally over, they want a massive fucking nap.

Cyrus- he tells others he wants people to leave him alone, and is Very Annoyed that nobodys listening to him. the reality is, ofc, the opposite lmfao. he cant stand to be alone, hed spiral worse than he already has without people to hold him steady. he wasnt like this before, he was a lot more open with his like for people, but the farm made him paranoid of connection and he just couldnt risk it. unfortunately for him, repression just caused it to turn around and bit him in the ass. gl cyrus, have fun with your new friends <3

Cecilia- cecis extremely open, bombastic, and utterly unashamed to say that shes doing everything for the hell of it. thats still true, she really is just doing things for kicks, but the biggest thing she wants is friends. shes not shy about saying it, but she doesnt get what having a friend entails. so instead, she ends up chasing an mirage of what friends look like, without realizing it needs connection to work. the first time she found an actual friend in daniel since heartbreak, it threw her for a loop.

Cynthia- she thinks she needs to be sidestep again. its not something shell admit for various reasons– the complete impossibility of it being one of them– so instead she settles for telling ortega that she needs to stay a civilian for her sanity. to be fair, thats not a total lie, if she went back to being a hero she would crack. i know its not part of the question but as an extra little nugget, what she needs is for somebody to look at her now and still care for her even compared to sidestep. she is my only step that needs to be told "sidestep is dead" and i swear im trying to beat it into her with a stick.

questions are from here!

[peachjuiceretriever]

exhales thru my nose. i really needed to put these feelings SOMEWHERE and i apolgoize. please ignore i am venting this is a vent post i repeat this is a personal vent post. you are not obligated to read.

SIGHS... i dunno. it fuckin. it wasnt even just he was nice and sweet i felt so comfortable sharing my kinks with him and he was literally open to anything and that was so nice... sex is very important to me in a relationship so having someone who was just as adventurous as me... and he thought everything i did was cute... called me cute all the time... even when he came to visit and saw me completely naked in real life... he saw every inch of my body and he didnt just continue to love me it felt like he loved me even more... it felt like once he saw me that was when he knew i was the one... at least... thats what it felt like to me... thats how i felt... he was always so interested in everything i had to say, so excited for every opportunity i had to grow.. ughhh i fucking!!! bangs my head on a wall. why did you do this to me... i remember expressing to you how scared i was that you'd choose someone else, that someone else would catch your eye and you'd look back at me and realize im not worth it- the time, the effort, the energy it takes to love me... and you told me "why would i ever do that? they're not you" and i fucking believed you!!!!!!! and we... we fucking planned !! on moving in together!!! i was genuinely ok with moving to a different state, starting a new life just for you because you had stuff already established down there!!! and now i....

i hate the way i want to be loved. how fucking selfish of me to want someone to hold my hand to go through journeys with me... i hate being a traumatized child in an adult body. the way my parents set me up for failure... i hate how i went through therapy and thought i had all of this under control now... the fact that my brain can go "you need to love yourself, nobody can do it for you." but it doesn't take away the pain. "this too shall pass" but it doesn't soothe the ache in your throat. if you dont break the cycle it will continue to repeat itself this feeling is only temporary it is what it is and you can't change it sometimes things are bad before they get good and i know i know i know i know but it hurts now goddamn it it hurts now and it'll hurt tomorrow and the next day and every single fucking time i think about the airport, or his state is mentioned on tv, or i drive by a fucking starbucks!!!!!!!!!

[sundaemuddysucks]

tdwt courterra is soo fucked up. ive been thinking abt it all day. picture this

ok courtney and sierra have like. No fucking reason to interact in tdwt despite being teammates bc i think out of all of them, sierra freaks out courtney the most bc courtney is like. Super judgmental right. and sierra has more interesting people (in her mind) to blog about. and i think sierra wasnt a very big courtney fan (she wasn’t ever really super obsessive abt her + she didnt seem to care that much abt duncney). but that all changes after the whole gwuncan shitstorm. Remember how sierra was the only one who actually sympathized with courtney and voted with her for gwen. yeah. heather did try to comfort courtney but imagine courtney realizes Hey i probably. should not rely on heather for comfort. so instead courtney decides to (very hesitantly) start hanging out with sierra since she’s her only teammate that isn’t a gwen sympathizer or a bitch (in her mind). at first she just kinda spends a lot of time bitching to sierra abt “gwen is such a bitch ohh my god i hate her so much” which actually kinda gives them common ground (sierra is also an aggressive gwen disliker and thinks boyfriend stealing is wrong etc etc) and courtney feels really validated which is special to her bc to me she is the type to be invalidated a lot when she expresses dislikes/concerns (since she is autistic. i mean look at her. and at least in my experience being autistic ppl never take you seriously when you complain about shit) so actually having someone enthusiastically agree with her and not judge her for the. odd things she says (like cmon she sang an entire song abt wanting to maim gwen) is a big deal. courtney is in a pretty emotionally vulnerable state at that time since yk she just got betrayed by her only real friend and cheated on. she starts crushing and shes like Man what the hell this sucks. and she hates herself a lot for being attracted to sierra of all people bc 1) internalized homophobia 2) sierra is. Sierra and 3) courtney realllllly doesn’t want to let herself get attached to anyone (especially a girl) bc of the fact that gwen just straight up stole her boyfriend. so while courtney has all that going on, sierra is having Thoughts of her own. the pedastal shes kinda been putting cody on starts to crumble bc she’s like What the hell. how in god’s name is he supporting GWEN right now!! and it’s kind of dawning on her slowly that she might not have a chance w/ cody if hes still so adamantly crushing on gwen. so sierra is feeling Troubled. and she vents to her new friend courtney about it. courtney listens bc she does really appreciate that sierra made her feel heard so even though sierra sounds. crazy. she still feels obligated to return the favor. sierra is like man idk if cody loves me after all 😭😭 and she rants on and on abt how ohhh cody is still crazy over gwen and he doesnt really pay attention to her and hes been trying to vote her off etc etc. which makes courtney kinda empathize with sierra (which is a strange thing to her granted the fact that she previously wrote sierra off as being Fucking Crazy) since in a way courtney is kinda in the same situation with her whole feelings abt sierra. sierra is still obsessing over cody. you see the parallel. anyways courtney does kinda feel bad for sierra so she comforts her and shes like yeah gwen really does suck (she’s probably also like “we should shove her off the plane” or something) but maybe its just time for you to let go of cody. and in courtneys mind she also telling herself “i need to get over whatever the hell im feeling for sierra this is Weird and Bad” or whatever. anyways sierra agrees and shes like ok 🤗 we are friends now. courtneys like sure whatever.

then sierra (with courtney’s encouragement) starts to let go of her obsession w cody which is great BUT she starts fixating on courtney in the process. her tendency to idolize people starts to come back up when courtney is helping her get over cody and everything. sierra is thinking Wow courtney is sooo nice and sweet omg,, and i relate to her sooo much like we feel the same way abt gwen and everything,,, (and also the autism symptoms but i dont think sierra would consciously pick up on that. she just notices the little things like them both having sensory issues [which isnt canon but in my head it is. ok.]) so now sierra has a weird obsessive borderline crush on courtney. kinda like how she was with cody but less extreme since sierra actually recognizes courtney as a person to a degree since shes had a chance to actually interact with courtney face to face and get to know her personally instead of by stalking her. rather than being really invasive towarss courtney she just Really wants to be around her and she’ll agree w/ anything courtney says/does even if it doesn’t align with her own thoughts. anyways back to courtney. courtney is still realllly fixating on how badly she wants gwen voted off (imagine all this goes down before picnic @ hanging dork. that or gwen is still here after that episode for whatever reason. idk. Gwen is here okay. the episode timeline doesnt matter) and sierra is kinda encouraging this by validating all her weird violent thoughts abt gwen. courtney gets her idea to start throwing challenges and sierra helps her w/ it (sierra probably doesn’t agree w throwing challenges but she also. fucking hates gwen AND shes inclined to agree with courtney sooo). they bond more over trying to get gwen eliminated (throwing challenges + trying to get heather to vote w them) and courtney starts to think of sierra more and more fondly. she sorta enjoys the attention she gets from sierra (even though it is Not Good) bc yk. people tend to not really like her. and again she is Extremely Vulnerable rn. and she starts feeling okay with putting her trust in sierra even though when she did that with gwen the trust got broken, bc sierra helping courtney get gwen eliminated and really clearly disliking gwen for what she did kinda shows courtney that sierra and gwen are Very Different and sierra wouldn’t betray her. so courtney’s weird crush feelings start picking up more but since she trusts sierra shes less violently opposed to it. still not a fan but she doesnt hate the idea. right. so sierra is like officially detached from cody and fixated on courtney atp. for whatever reason she thinks its a good idea to tell courtney she has feelings for her which freaks courtney tf out bc a) shes kinda oblivious and didnt realize sierra liked her in that way b) courtney is still Conflicted about her relationship w sierra and c) she just got out of a several month long relationship. Uh oh. but given that courtney isnt completely against letting herself like sierra, shes pretty close w her now, and shes really enjoying the attention she gets from sierra, in addition to the fact that she thinks getting in a relationship would make duncan jealous which she wants to do, toxic yuri wins and courterra is real ❤️

from there idfk how itd play out just know that they would break up quickly (it lasts like half a year at the absolute maximum..[this might seem like a long time but im a lesbian. 6 months is nothing to me when it comes to relationships]) violently and sorrowfully.

in conclusion: courterra. can anyone hear me.

[girlwithfish]

big therapy session w myself 🙇‍♀️🤓🎀⛵️

my willfull self isolation behaviors r so bad that when i was in that red zone (im still trying to come up w terminology suited to my experiences to describe my episodes snd different like states ig i remember my therapist asked if i cld describe it w a metaphor like a pressure cooker or smth. i think usually i imagine myself as a pot boiling over or like falling off a cliff) and then my bfs constantly trying to contact me when im in that place splitting and in extreme distress bc conflict makes me go into fight or flight mode etc lol and so im jsut retreating further and then when that doesnt work i lash out and start screaming at him to go even when hes trying to be loving bc he sees ive reached that place but in my head its like u cant be loving to me now if like ten min ago we were arguing and i didnt feel that love and that whole conflict just felt like a lot of my needs were not being met. so how can u love me now. very split-esque mindset lmao. and so all i can do is scream at him and yell to go away and its horrible bc i hate lashing out and i am trying to be more accepting to like my actions r still my actions and responsibility even if there were outside triggers even tho its still hard for me to take that accountability sometimes. and then i just got all my extreme intense emotions out by sobbing it out but all i did was cry and scream and curl on the bathroom floor even though i was so angry and upset and just feeling like i was at a 5/5 on intensity scale and distress and emotional pain. and then once i couldnt cry anymore but i still wasnt feeling well i made a playlist for myself and that action of like curating a playlist actually fkn helped me bc it was a distraction and leaning into an activity i generally enjoy and also is taking up some of my thoughts and attention atm. healthy distraction. and then i listened to music at max volume and therapized myself in my notes app bc lately all ive been doing is therapizing myself. im therapizing myself rn a little. but it is helpful to reflect on past situations and try to understand my emotions and what i needed and what didnt help and idk. its just hard. and saddest thing is my bf was tellig me later its really hard for him to hear me crying and how he had to just put in earphones since i was consistently pushing him away. i still try to figure out why i do that bc sometimes it doesnt eben make sense really like ill want them to help me deep inside but i also have so much holding me back and im also angry and also feel like it wont help and etc. idk smth to unpack later. but it did help hearing that he cared and maybe help me be less resistant to help. its crazy cuz i like fear abandonment so much but i also will do everything to make that person leave anyway like LOL... girl. ok therapy sess over 🤓👍

[spaceycowboys]

So, i have a few things i want to blab about if that's ok. 1) your writing is brilliant, and I look forward to seeing how you'll continue to flourish as a writer. 2) i'd be interested in seeing some hc's of what aemond and tyrell!reader's marriage is like (+maybe more of her dynamics w/characters like helaena and alicent???) 3) i also think it'd be cool to see a drabble of the exact moment aemond finds out about aegon's interaction w/his lady wife. i'd be so interested to read about what exactly went through aemond's head when he found out, and how he calmed down his poor wife. 4) if tyrell!reader were put in a situation where aegon had aemond share her, i think the poor thing would have a heart attack lol.

sorry this was so long, just had some things i wanted to say!!! i love your work :) <3

ah no that's completely fine!!

thank you so so much!! i say this a lot but i truly mean it everytime, your kind words mean the absolute world to me!

i actually would really love to dive more into tyrell!reader and aemond's marriage as well as her relationship with helaena. their marriage is a little difficult for the both of them to navigate in the beginning, because aemond had deep insecurities that he has trouble dealing with and reader honestly had expected to become the lady of winterfell and marry cregan stark (i am also happy to dive into this, if people would like). she sometimes feels as if aemond pushes her away despite knowing how deeply he loves and cares for her.

oooooh boy. i would actually be really happy to write this! aemond his very very protective of his lady. she is so very important to him and he would never do anything to harm or dishonor her, so when he discovers that his own brother harmed her and sent her into the state that he found her in, it was very hard for him to control his emotions because he knew it was more important to calm her down and let her know that he wasnt angry with her.

my sweet poor girl would probably be so confused LOL, she would be so confused at first because, as i said, aemond is so very protective and has always said aegon is vile and disgusting and now he can fuck her?? and in this world, even though aegon and helaena have been married for quite some time, they do not have children, so with aegon and aemond are both fucking her, you really cant tell who the father is, not that aegon minds. they both in their own ways love her so deeply and would love any part of her even if the children arent a part of them. she would feel a bit bad for helaena though, just because she doesnt have children and she knows deep down at least one of her (many lol they both have breeding kinks) children are aegons.

dont apologize!! i love long asks like this!! i hope you have a good week, sweet friend!!!

[amethiosspouse]

it's time for mari's random infodump:

i was originally going to make this a very long post about my yumes but anai's character as a whole is too confusing and honestly, not even game theory could dissect the amount of lore anai has:

scrapped ideas and an ungodly amount of anai lore from multiple different franchises:

-anai was actually supposed to be shipped with malleus (because i liked him at the time) but due to the age gap, i scrapped it (i didnt like how mal was 600+ and anai was 17) -they were then shipped w riddle for quite some time and i even ended up making ship art of them. -anai was based of the white rabbit but i didnt wanna whitewash (is that the right term) them so i just made them random ass rabbit -their overblot form was a whole withered bonnie mech suit mixed w some BATIM-style aesthetic -anai's dorm uniform was based of this:

now, moving on to enstars anai :>

-from memory, anai was originally shipped with kohaku and they were the producer for crazy:b -i sort of followed some kind of rich prince x pheasant sort of trope for their ship -anai's family wasn't as rich as kohaku's family and (from memory) his family prevented him from hanging out with anai. -i forgot most of the story but all i remember is trying to make some kind of ai cover for anai and kohaku to sing Just Be Friends (it never worked) and that at some point, Tsukasa was actually gonna be anai's love interest

FUCK IT, GENSHIN ANAI LORE:

-genshin anai was made all the way back in 2021 during my horrendous xiao era. -they were the pyro yaksha basically and from memory, they were rebirthed? idk -WAIT, I REMEMBER -ok so bear with me here, anai was basically this young girl from natlan who died in the archon war while trying to see their father again (who was in liyue). from memory, zhongli used ANAI'S DEAD BODY to try and sort of bring back to life the dead pyro yaksha but failed to do so because of 1. the body's horrendous state and 2. the power was too much for the body to handle. -they were obviously shipped with xiao -BUT THIS WAS SCRAPPED AND LATER REUSED (we'll get to that) -i remember anai got shipped with albedo as well as kaeya but i eventually settled for scara. -now back to the dead body part -this version of anai's story is much more messier -anai was a descendant of murata - the pyro archon. it was never specified if they were a direct descendant or just had some muratan?? blood in them. -anyways they were basically this very famous dancer who was prett well known (who was a half human half hybrid rabbit faunus or smth) and their name wasnt anai, it was clover. -basically clovers sister was jealous of their success and they killed clover. -murata literally did the same thing that zhongli did to anai in their earlier stories but she tried to bring back the dead pyro archon -it somehow worked -i honestly dont know how anai met scaramouche but basically they met him when he was still known as kabukimono/kunikuzushi (keep in mind, all of this was written before 3.1) -i basically ripped off dirty little traitor for some reason 💀 -after scara ran away w the gnosis and whatnot anai lore kinda just became messier from there -after the events of 3.1 i redid the whole ending for anai -THEY WERE SHIIPED WITH CYNO CUZ SCARA PUSHED THEM OFF HIS TRANSFORMERS ROBOT OR SOMETHING -no more genshin anai lore because its hurting my head just trying to remember how badly i fucked up their lore -LIKE THEIR LORE IS SO BAD NOT EVEN MATPAT COULD SOLVE THIS GAME THEORY

im literally getting so tired of explaining every single little tiny detail of what happened to anai in every single canon universe i threw them in so lemme spare you some details and whatnot

obey me anai: asmo's boyfriend (im not even joking thats all i remember of obey me anai)

prsk anai: they werent an official niigo member but they did help out w lyrics (cuz mafuyu was their sister omg wow !!), shipped with toya

milgram anai: they were basically hanging out w the wrong group of people due to how naive they were when they were younger, anai was 'forced' to blow up a city mall as a dare but they backed down last minute (their friends ended up detonating the bomb and at good portion of the mall was blown up and quite a number of people died, they were framed for that incident and was sent to the milgram prison, they were shipped w fuuta and from memory they were related to es

hypmic anai: spoiled daddy's girl. basically all them stereotypical mean girls who'd be like "my daddy can sue you" and whatnot. they had a good amount of backstory but theres no way im typing that all out. they were shipped with doppo

IVE HAD ENOUGH OF TALKING ABOUT ANAI AND IM SORRY FOR WASTING YOUR TIME, GOODBYE