#olivia writes things

[sieglinde-freud]

oh im obsessed with this actually… who ever wrote this one i am kissing u on the forehead and hugging you real tight… inigo is such a loverboy im kkkhhhhhhijnsdnfng

[witheredoffherwitch]

I am so confused by some of these reactions to Olivia's statements lol. Were you all under the impression that Alicent was NOT disappointed in her oldest son? 😭

[dreamwarriors7745]

Arcade Adventures 👾🕹️

https://www.wattpad.com/1477868805?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_reading&wp_page=reading&wp_uname=dreamwarriors7745

[terubakudan]

I made a playlist inspired by Fear & Hunger 2: Termina! This one was quite fun to make and I had a fun time thinking of songs to associate with each Termina contestant.

Fear & Hunger is NOT for the faint-hearted and please wait until you are of mature age to interact with it. I trust you to be responsible with your internet usage.

Longass post and some scary as well as slightly NSFW imagery (and NSFW links) below the cut.

I should stop procrastinating and just play the damn games.

Nemophila - The Trooper (Abella)

Amazing cover of a song by Iron Maiden. Nemophila I feel is a relatively underrated band in the "Girls Metal Band Boom" of Japan, and believe me these ladies are talented. Their vocalist Mayu really impressed me with her screams and growls.

Abella possesses the Caressing Soul, and it really shows in how she puts others before herself, her reason for coming to Prehevil even is look for missing Nameless Liberty Underground(NLU) members, she essentially set herself on a rescue mission.

I feel that this song shows the side of Abella that is strong-willed and tough. She even pursued studies in mechanics and electronics for the sake of protecting her homeland, a real "trooper" if you will. She's both physically and mentally strong, and she uses that strength to protect other people, which makes her such an admirable character to me. If you called her "Best Girl", I have no qualms about that. ♡( ◡‿◡ )

2. DIV - ハラキリメロンソーダ/Harakiri Melon Soda (Henryk)

I was pleasantly surprised by this more recent song of DIV and the music video is a real treat! Melon soda is a type of drink which is extremely popular in Japan, for both its distinctive flavor and visually appealing green color. Despite its name though, it doesn't really taste anything like melon. If anything, it's delicious but artificial.

My personal interpretation of this song is about "on the verge of completely losing one's mind". The harakiri in the title could refer to wanting to destroy yourself due to losing your grip on reality.

And what do you know! The Moon (XVIII) tarot card makes an appearance in the MV, it can symbolize "your imagination getting the best of you".

It could also be about lies and deception in relationships presented as "playfulness", an all-too-neat concept symbolized by melon soda being a "playful" (it being non-alcoholic and very sweet makes it popular with children) and "artificial" drink.

Henryk possesses the Suffocating Soul, while he's a skilled chef, it took him a while to really invest himself in it, prior to that he-out of a need to leave his own mark on the world-dabbled in pretty much every kind of artistic endeavor, but with little success. I guess that made him quite literally "a starving artist".

While he's made a name for himself in the culinary world, he suffers from low self-esteem and often seeks the approval of others. I feel this song is him realizing how fickle fate can be, succumbing to his insecurities (he would seem like a guy who doubts the authenticity of praise from other people) and losing his mind while getting Moonscorched.

3. Pat Benatar - Heartbreaker (Samarie)

I could see Samarie belting out this song in the PRHVL Bop while giving Marina the most meaningful™ glances xD

I mean with a verse like this, I want to make it her unofficial theme song:

Your love has set my soul on fire, burnin' out of control You taught me the ways of desire, now it's takin' its toll You're the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasy The invincible winner and you know that you were born to be

I find it interesting that Samarie possesses a Radiating Soul. While soul types in the Funger universe don't have a very clear definition, that makes it more open to multiple interpretations, I personally see it as Samarie's life force, she knows she's short on time and like a dying star, "shines brightest before dying", her whole reason for coming to Prehevil is Marina's affection/safety. Marina quite literally "lights up" her life.

4. CR Devil May Cry 4 OST - Devil Moon (Levi)

Ok, Bury the Light is the definitive Vergil theme. But Devil Moon is too!

This is my favorite song off the Devil May Cry 4 pachinko game, one of the more underrated DMC tracks and a perfect theme to the more somber parts of Vergil's character. It's sad, yet ultimately hopeful.

Levi possesses the Solitary Soul, and believe me after reading his character lore I just want to give the poor boy a hug QQ He was a child soldier, and didn't get to enjoy a happy childhood like most kids his age. It's only natural that he lived a solitary life and is hesitant to open himself up to others. But humans by nature crave connection, with kind people like Abella and open people like Marina, Levi is willing to come out of his shell. He's deeply haunted by his past but I feel that he doesn't want to be bound by it, and with proper support can learn to leave it behind.

5. DIR EN GREY - 人間を被る/Ningen wo Kaburu (Caligura)

I love DIR EN GREY but god their songs are difficult to put into playlists with other songs xD They're their own genre of music and thus don't really mesh well with other non-Diru songs, I liken it to them "establishing dominance".

I find Ningen wo Kaburu to be quite a solid single (I recall it doesn't really sit well with the community), it's not their best work nor worst work, and it's honestly quite fun to listen to for me. I very much like the concept though of "wearing human skin" (a literal translation of the song title), whenever I read the most spine-chilling true crime stories it makes me think "Are these people really human? They're simply monsters wearing human skin." It's a very meaningful song and here's a lovely analysis of the symbolism in it here.

Caligura possesses the Decrepit Soul, which speaks for itself. He's a monster "wearing human skin".

I highly recommend Funger fans to listen to DIR EN GREY, hopefully I've opened a new door for you and you can finally understand why even Miro loves them. :D

6. The GazettE - 奈落/Naraku (Daan von Dutch)

Unlike the other songs on this playlist, I immediately knew what I wanted for Daan. xD That man screams "guy with a tragic past who could be a visual kei frontman" energy.

An underrated bonus track off the Auditory Impression edition of the Shiver single. I fell in love with this song when I first heard of it from their Abyss concert. Abyss is probably my absolute favorite live setlist and concert from them, it's simply amazing in its atmosphere.

Daan possesses the Blank Soul, and similarly to Levi didn't exactly have a happy childhood, life was good when he fell in love with Elise von Dutch, the daughter of his benefactor Baron Eihner Von Dutch. But of course fate wasn't kind to them, the Baron pulled a full "Shou Tucker" and Daan, desperate to save his wife, sacrificed his left eye, but it didn't work and of course he was distraught.

This song is actually about a sadomasochistic relationship that doesn't end well, and the title Naraku itself refers to the concept of "hell" in Buddhism. Lyrically it doesn't quite fit but musically? I feel that it decribes Daan's inner turmoil and depression.

And I found out today that the artist of this beautiful Daan fanart is from Taiwan ∑(O_O;) *cough*can't help but feel a little proud*cough* (link leads to the artist who draws a lot of NSFW fanart, browse with discretion). I imagine it to be Daan when he finds out who Stitches and Needles truly are. (it's not quite confirmed but their true identities are heavily implied)

7. Paramore - Pool (Olivia Haas)

I was tempted to give her Deja Vu and call it a day. It's my brother's fault for subjecting me and Mom to Initial D. xD

My favorite song off After Laughter. I love the whole album for being "deceptively happy" but this song especially is underrated and musically it's just gorgeous.

Olivia possesses the Shadowed Soul, she and her twin sister Reila (wth Miro is such a GazettE fan it shows) grew up in a very conservative household. Despite being twins, they couldn't be more different and even have different soul types, Reila has the Radiant Soul and is athletic and outgoing, while Olivia is frail and reserved. Reila being healthy and just as talented as her naturally led to jealousy on Olivia's part, as well as Olivia hating it when people pitied her for her disability.

Despite this, it's evident that Olivia still loves her sister and her whole reason for going to Prehevil is to find out the truth about Reila. (the below photos having a slight similarity might not just be a coincidence?)

I feel that Grudges may be a better fit for Olivia lyrically but I just love Pool way too much, the chorus especially is just so beautiful and life sometimes makes you "feel like drowning" yet "you dive back in". This song is actually about a toxic relationship but I feel it could describe Olivia feeling sick and frustrated yet still having that will to carry on.

8. Jin Hashimoto - Star Platinum (Marcoh)

No words, just ORAORAORAORA.

I'm joking, but Marcoh is a walking JoJo reference xD Though Miro says he's actually more inspired by Rocky.

Marcoh possesses the Tainted Soul, due to him getting involved with some not so savory people in his youth, and eventually getting involved with the notorious Accardo family. It didn't help that his sister's safety was being threatened. And due to this, Marcoh was forced to kill a man in a boxing match, and eventually the Accardo family man who was directly threatening him and his sister. Despite being "tainted", like Abella, Marcoh is actually a very kind-hearted man who cares deeply for his sister and would risk his safety for others. I find his friendship with Olivia and Tanaka especially quite endearing.

This song is Jotaro's image song and with its heroic and determined sound, paints a picture of what Marcoh is like. He's even kind of shy and reserved like Jotaro, who in turn was inspired by Clint Eastwood, known for playing "stoic hero"-type characters.

9. BAND-MAID with The Warning - SHOW THEM (Karin Sauer)

I don't follow Band-Maid but this song is a banger, and the vocals are immaculate.

Karin, like Cahara, possesses the Endless Soul, since childhood she has always had an above-average curiosity and desire to pursue her goals. Her desire to uncover the truth behind Kaiser and what is going down in Prehevil would make Phoenix and Edgeworth proud. xD A dark side however of her profession is how journalists choose to use information, you could see them as "vultures" profiting off the tragedies of others or as "valkyries" who immortalize the stories of others.

I wanted this song to portray Karin's assertiveness and no-nonsense attitude.

10 . ONE OK ROCK - Deeper Deeper (O'saa)

I listen to some ONE OK ROCK and was pleased to find a "heavier" song of theirs. I'm quite partial to heavier rock songs.

This song is "perseverance" made into a song and is about going deeper into oneself and facing challenges head-on, which describes O'saa's determination and his attitude towards the pursuit of knowledge and improving himself. The downside of this "never giving up" attitude though is "what if you get yourself into something too deep?", like O'saa becoming a Termina contestant.

O'saa, like Enki, possesses the Enlightened Soul, ever since leaving his homeland, he kept pursuing greater education and knowledge in spiritualism and religion. He eventually joined the Yellow Mages and became an apprentice of Nas'hrah. Like Karin, he's determined in the pursuit of his goals and tends to be distrustful of others. I find this analysis of his character to be extremely well-written and if you have quite some time to spare (it seems longer than this post xD), do give it a read. It's quite interesting that despite his bravado and talent in the occult, he's human and has fears like the rest of us.

11. Watanabe Kazuhiro - Break the Chains (Kida Tanaka)

An underrated song from the Togainu no Chi True Blood (no not the HBO vampires) OST. Nitro+Chiral OSTs have so many bangers and hidden bangers such as this one. Honestly even if you dislike BL, you're missing out on lots of amazing bangers especially from BL games.

But this isn't about BL games!! This is about how I think this song describes the latent potential in Tanaka's character, what with him possessing the Latent Soul, and Miro possibly fleshing out his character more in future updates of Termina. Considering his background and the Japanese tendency to not say what they really mean, as well as Needles' unexplained(?) grudge towards Tanaka, I think he could become even more interesting than he already is.

I find it adorable that he's my brother's favorite :D And I can see why, he's got that really admirable "underdog" energy to him.

12. Cö shu Nie feat. HYDE - Maisie (Marina Domek)

The hypnotic opening to the Emerald Witch Arc of the Black Butler anime. The moment I spotted HYDE's name attached I knew it was going to be great. (Mugen for instance is amazing)

So "Maisie" is a girl name of Scottish origin, meaning "pearl". It sounds like a very dainty and cute name, which betrays the dark undertones of this song.

Marina possessing the Changeling soul, is kind of like this song having a cute title that hides its darker qualities, Marina in actuality is quite skilled in occultism and despite being born a boy, was raised as a girl due to her mother wanting to protect her from the Dark Priest life. I feel this "secret" of Marina is at least inspired by changeling lore.

On a tinyyyy note Marina is just adorable. (≧◡≦) ♡ And all the Samarina and MariLevi art too

13. Hades OST - In The Blood (August)

The hauntingly beautiful ending credits song to Hades. This song, as the title says, I believe describes how some things are just a part of you, be it your values, your lineage and if I were stretching things your destiny even.

August, like Ragnvaldr, possesses the Tormented Soul. He's knowledgeable of his family history and has great survival skills. However, it's also because of his family history that he has a grudge toward Kaiser and seeks revenge, especially for what Kaiser did pre-events of the first Fear & Hunger game. This verse especially fits with his nomadic lifestyle:

Home

Is not where you live

But who cares when you're gone

It's not explicitly confirmed but it's heavily implied that Ragnvaldr is his ancestor, what with Moonless being his companion, him using a bow, him being from Oldegard, his hatred towards Kaiser etc. He's a man heavily tied to his heritage, it's "in his blood" after all.

14. Survive Said The Prophet - Red (Pavel Yudin)

ED2 to the Banana Fish anime. I'm not overly familiar with Survive Said The Prophet's discography but I've yet to find a song I dislike from them.

This song is grand, the instrumentation is swooping, and Yosh's screams are cathartic.

It's chaotic, like Pav with the Chaotic Soul, I find this song to be like his consciousness kicking and screaming. Like Levi, he's had a rough life. Like August, he hates Kaiser with good reason, Kaiser was the one who destroyed his hometown and massacred his family. He's a man who, for the sake of revenge, enlisted in the Bremen Army just for a chance to get close to Kaiser. Becoming a monster to destroy a monster, if you will. He, like many other characters, had their lives destroyed by Kaiser.

I feel that, unlike Levi though, Pav is already too far gone in his quest for revenge and will resort to anything for a chance to destroy Kaiser. Levi on the other hand, while also traumatized by war, wouldn't go purposely hurt people. Pav is a broken soul consumed by rage and revenge.

If you made it to the end, thank you so much for reading! It means a lot to me when you've found something that you like or resonate with.

Special thanks to the Fear & Hunger wiki for their detailed character descriptions and lore, I wouldn't have been able to write this without them. While I have watched numerous analysis and lore videos of Funger, people who have actually played the game are ultimately more familiar with what makes the story and characters tick, especially when they've actually read the character dialogues and interactions in-game.

The fact that such a cruel, punishing, and disturbing game has its own community (and a very wholesome one at that!) is a testament to Miro's talent as a creator.

[celestialpaperhaze]

New headcanon: Olivia would love Halloween fun, Olly would want to be taken seriously all the time but would reluctantly participate in the shenanigans because it makes Olivia happy.

Happy Halloween to the Paper Mario fandom!

[smeowchi]

I forgot this was a draft I wrote at like 4am when I was trying to sleep but got possessed by this thought. Not even gonna fix up the writing, I'm just gonna post this as-is kdhgksdh Radar once attended one of the New Order's meetings and eventually, somehow, he brought up the shipping stuff on the internet. This shifted into a rabbit hole of how - much like irl - people have made fanart and fanfics and had shipping wars over them. The entire room slowly went more and more ballistic as they heard about the shit people say abt them.

I refuse to believe this didn't happen. It's canon to me for reasons that are 95% for the sillies.

[towanda-is-writing]

Headcanon from my Stranger Things Universe - From the Past:

Every so often, Chrissy has to attend to Medical Conventions with her colleagues from the hospital. 

During those two or three days she spends away, Eddie tends to break a few rules that both he and Chrissy have set for their daughters: they eat sweets after dinner, watch a movie until almost midnight, and sleep with him in the master bed.

The metalhead knows it's wrong, and he also knows that if his wife finds out, he's dead. But seeing the happy faces of Grace and Olivia, knowing he can have those moments with them without anyone taking them away, makes him feel like a much better father than he ever imagined he could be.

[lesbicosmos]

rewatching s1 of broadchurch even tho im halfway through my first watch of s3 because i have an obsession with rewatching things and DAMN there are way more hints at who ended up being the killer than i originally thought, and a bunch of moments that are really ironic in hindsight

spoilers under the cut (yes it came out like 10 years ago but im still putting a spoiler warning)

ep1 - joe and ellie talk in the kitchen after hardy makes the statement to the media

joe: do you know what happened? i mean should we be worried for other kids?

on first watch, his tone of voice and body language here just seem like confused and worried parent, but on second, there's definitely a hint of panic in his voice

ep2 - joe, tom and fred in the cafe

joe: this is a terrible, unspeakable thing thats happened. but nothing like it will ever happen again here

tom: you cant know that though can you? you cant be sure

then after this joe's facial expression looks SO guilty like he can't think how to respond

ep3 - hardy questioning tom with joe in the room

hardy: can you think of anyone who would want to hurt danny?

THEN THE CAMERA IMMEDIATELY CUTS TO JOE. ik near the end joe swears he never wanted to hurt him but this is still a rly clever piece of editing, i love when shows do this. also the fact that in every scene where he's questioning tom, joe's in the room and occasionally talks but he's never in the frame of the camera hardys using to record it. he was literally right under their noses the entire time and they never suspected because they were focused on other people too much

ep4 hardy goes to the millers" for dinner

this scene hits so much different on second viewing holy shit. at one point they're talking about marriage and work and how hardy's divorce was partially work-related and:

hardy: this job, it does it to you

ellie: well, not to us

ellie actually makes me sob she loves her life so much then it all just comes crashing down on her

joe: do you think you're gonna solve this case?

hardy: certain.

joe: good :)

joe's reply itself here makes sense but there's a few seconds before he says it where his face is just blank and mildly panicked. he's genuinely worrying about being caught at this point.

now this one isn't a direct hint or anything but just if you think about the dialogue in a different context...yeah it fits

hardy: you bloody liar

joe: ive said nothing

hardy: and yet-

joe said nothing to the police or ellie and yet was lying the WHOLE time.

ep5 - brian asks ellie out

ellie: sorry, im married

brian: and thats an issue is it?

ellie: happily married, brian

brian: oh. okay, fair enough. only lots of people aren't though, are they?

ellie: i am.

THE IRONY OH ELLIE LET ME GIVE YOU A HUG PLEASE

ep6 - jack's wake

ellie spends the whole scene looking around to see if anyone looks worried, at one point she looks into a room (seemingly at nige but joe is stood nearby having a different conversation) and she makes eye contact with joe RIGHT as the camera cuts away

ep 6 - joe takes tom to the skate park and ellie arrives

ellie: i was just looking round that bar at the wake thinking "its someone here, why cant i see it?" the longer this goes on, im starting to suspect everyone

joe: when you say everyone...

ellie: well, nearly everyone

this is probably the most obvious hint that i can't believe i didn't catch on to. of COURSE they're gonna make a point for the killer to be the ONE person ellie LITERALLY SAYS she isn't suspicious of.

ep7 - ellie lets susan leave the police station

ellie (about susan's past with her husband and daughters): in your own house, how could you not know?

just ow. the irony of it all. fucking ow.

[storiesofsvu]

Holiday Bingo 2023

That's right besties! It's that time of year again! And in an attempt to keep y'all entertained with your favourite blorbos, I'm hosting this bingo so we can all share our creations and you have something to fixate on while I'm busy as hell at work!

As per usual:

Submissions can be anything! A mood board, a ficlet, headcanons, drabble, gif sets, one shots, social media au's, make it a mini series following the holiday journey of the same two characters! literally whatever you want!

Prompts are all winter/holiday themed. If it specifically says "Christmas" it does not need to be Christmas, it can be whatever holiday this time of year that you want!

Read the rest of the rules under the cut!

Prompts can be made into any genre, make it super spicy, make it tooth rottingly sweet, make it angsty as all hell and break our hearts, make it a wild AU, do whatever you want with them as long as they are what inspired your story. (aka "first snowfall" could be the first time character a is seeing snow, it could be the first snow of the year, it could be the characters baby's/dog's first time seeing snow. It can be cute, catching snow flakes on tongues or sad, bringing back memories with a friend who has passed. Literally whatever you want.) Just make sure to include any and all appropriate warnings/tags at the TOP of the post and I don't want to see any TikTok censoring of words!

Fics can be a ship, a reader insert, an OC, or any kind of crossover! Mix and match, stick with one, try out a new character or fandom!

Accepted Fandoms:

Literally everything and everyone. This is wide open to any and every fandom/show/movie that you want, it's free game besties! It doesn't matter if I write/read that fandom, do what you would like!

Some Inspiration:

-Law and Order (OG, OC, SVU)

-Criminal Minds

-Marvel

-NCIS

-One Chicago

-Abbott Elementary

-Mayans

-Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice

-911/Lonestar

-OUAT

-The L Word

-Wednesday

Rules:

You MUST tag me @storiesofsvu and use the hashtag #storiesofsvuholidaybingo2023 on each creation and I'll put together the masterlist.

Bingo begins on November 25th and will run all the way to January 20th.

You may only post/submit ONE creation per day!

Only one bingo square per creation

No underage characters involved in relations.

Tag all and every warning appropriately at the top of the fic

Anything over 1000 words must be under a readmore!

Everyone is welcomed and encouraged to participate! You do not need to be following me, we don't need to be mutuals, if you see this post and want to play, let's go!

If anyone has questions, feel free to comment or send me a message/ask!

Some playlists to get us in the mood:

________________

tagging some people who might be interested? (if you got tagged and have no idea who i am/where this came from it is likely that i have read your stuff and loved it/have some bookmarked on my to bed read lol. feel free to ignore.)

@prentiss-theorem @swimmingstudentchaos891 @rustyzebra @plaidbooks @thatesqcrush @adarafaelbarba @detective-giggles @mickey-gomez @alexusonfire @bumblebear30 @tropes-and-tales @unitchiefs-blackbirdphoenix @beccabarba @prurientpuddlejumper @fighterkimburgess @baubeautyandthegeek @melk917 @blackbird-brewster @virescent-v @leftoverenvy @iamnotoriginalphil @happenstnces @daddy-heather-dunbar @just-a-torn-up-masterpiece @five-bi-five-main @thehauntingofbasingse @supercriminalbean @h0tch-r0cket @bullet-prooflove @boldlyvoid @astrophileous @slutforsilverfoxes @cissyenthusiast010155 @hotchs-bitch @honeypiehotchner @whiteberryx @v3nusxsky

[iittasteslikepepsicola]

~ about me ˖˚⊹ ꣑ৎ‎

my name is emma and i was born in 2006

i speak english and italian very well, i know spanish and a little bit of french

i’m TRYING to go vegetarian (my parents don’t really approve of it)

i love love love blogging, i will post anything that comes to my mind

i like reading a lot, mostly political books but also horror and romance

i also write books myself and bake!!

some of my favorite artists are billie eilish, lana del rey, tvgirl, frank ocean, tyler the creator, olivia rodrigo and more

i’m a movie girlie, i love movies from the 80s like back to the future but im up to trying new stuff so leave suggestions

i love make-up and my whole personality is my eyeliner and eye makeup in general

every time there is a minor inconvenience i just go on a walk

I LOVE PINK THINGS

looking for moots!!

NOTE: if you support trump, genocide etc disrespectfully block me💕

[dreamwarriors7745]

https://www.wattpad.com/1477705365?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_reading&wp_page=reading_part_end&wp_uname=dreamwarriors7745

[oxpogues4lifexo]

Ugh I love writing fics. I literally write words down and make up something original that’s never been written before. It’s crazy actually!

Like I can make up this whole scenario of these two random people and everyone on here just reads it and enjoys it like I’m an author or something.

That’s something I’ll never get over. How our minds work in that way that can create such things. Things so out of nowhere and unique. How we can take something and make it our own, create our own universe. The endless possibilities there are to write!

Anyways back to making shit up. 🫡

[elacular-kink]

So, one of my metamours posted this picture in one of my partners' chats.

And 1. It got me. But 2, I immediately imagined Olivia bringing it up to the other girls like a fun fact in casual conversation. And I know how they all react.

Olivia: Did you know there are more hydrogen atoms in a single molecule of water than there are stars in the solar system? Kiran: Y...yes? Of course I did? Maya: Oh shit, how many hydrogens are in there again? Susanna: Really? Is that like the thing where there's more trees than—OH FUCK YOU!

This is one of the many reasons that Susanna's still her favorite.

[rqgnarok]

sneak peek for my next nolan price fic!

part of the prequel for the love you better now universe <3 / tw for blood, injuries, nightmares and ptsd, common svu stuff.

In your dreams, you bleed and bleed and bleed. No one comes to get you. Liv misses the alleyway and chases after the perp, Nolan doesn’t call to wonder when you’re coming home, your gut pulsates with pain until there’s nothing but numbness, nothing but darkness, nothing left of you. You wake up and don't know where you are. Your flail is purely instinctive, and despite the sharp pain that pulls at your chest you do so again, eyesight blurry and panic rising sharp and quick. Your entire body is on fire but it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter because you don’t know where you are and the perp is getting away, and Liv is still blocks away and– Bleeding. You’re bleeding, bleeding out and your radio’s too far away and you can see the perp running but can’t hear his steps, there’s only your heartbeat echoing in your ears and the wet taste of death in your mouth– Sometimes you wake up from nightmares so quietly that Nolan doesn’t notice. Your eyes are closed and then they’re not and that’s all the movement your body can produce even if your heart is hammering against your ribcage. Other nights– nights like this one– you’re drenched in sweat and sprinting to the bathroom before your stomach returns the dinner you ate not even four hours ago. You hear Nolan fussing in the bedroom and picture him as clear as day in your mind; hair rumpled from sleep and eyes bleary, pajamas rumpled, worry lines on his features like he was supposed to grow into them. Looking for you. Always, always looking for you. You hate doing this to him but you hate having to go through with it alone more. When you feel a cool, protective hand soothe up and down your back where your shirt sticks to your skin, you sob through your gags.  Nolan only says let it out, honey, I’ve got you, just let it go in different variations until the panic subsides and you focus on the timber of his voice, the roughness of sleep coating his vowels and the tilt of his consonants.  The bathroom tile is rough against your knees and your mouth tastes like acid, arms shaking with the effort they’re putting on keeping you upright against the toilet seat. When you’re done, you fall back into the floor and Nolan is there next to you, ready to catch you.  He cradles you almost like one would a baby, sitting on the floor while you nestle against his chest, exhausted.  “I’m sorry,” you croak against his chest. Nolan’s hand finds the sweaty nape of your neck and massages the tension out of it, hairs sticking to his fingers.  His soothing reply is automatic but no less honest. “It’s alright. It’s just a dream.” “Not for this,” you correct, panting against his cotton grey shirt and reaching to hold it in a tight, shaky fist. “I mean– yes, for this, but for before. In the hospital. For fighting, for not… For everything. I’m sorry I’m like this.” “Don’t be,” he defends, awfully vehement for a man who’s been awake for less than 10 minutes and is sitting on his bathroom floor at 4 in the morning. It’s the most emotion he’s shown since your fight and you could weep with the relief it brings you. “Never be. You’re in pain, I’m allowed to want to help you when you’re in pain.” “I’m tired of being in pain.” Nolan’s chest shudders and you unclench your fist to lay your palm against it, the beat of his heart fluttering despite his calm demeanor. He shifts his hand to brush his thumb against your cheek, calming. “I know, honey. I know.” He doesn’t say it’s okay or it’ll get better because as much as you know Nolan hopes so, it’s not the kind of thing he can promise. You wouldn’t want him to.  The sun rises through the horizon. Nolan holds you, holds you, and holds you. 

[towanda-is-writing]

[kncrowder88]

Watching an ep of SVU (obviously) and it starts with Liv and Noah .... and suddenly had a thought about the whole Liv and children storyline and how it all was done.

Like, S1-12 is nearly constantly focused on the fact she is the product of her mother's rape, her childhood, the fallout from all that, and how it's given her a desire for something (family, belonging, etc.). We get so many scenes as a result from this (including the "I applied for adoption" one). We even see 2 kids left to her and subsequently lost to her during this time. We see her with occasional boyfriends (they never heavily focus but we know she's dating - the show definitely implies) but nothing lasts.

Essentially... 12 seasons of a woman who clearly wants to be a mother and knows she may be losing that chance (seriously an entire episode has convos on older females and pregnancies as well). It's the "biological clock ticking oh no" writing for a woman basically.

Meanwhile, her partner is a married man (who does get divorced - don't forget they signed those papers everyone) with kids and all the kid eps can focus on HIS reactions to kids in danger vs her "lack of kids".

But once he's gone it's a "hold up need another parent" need in writing. So we get Amaro ... but *looks at the episodes, sighs deeply* ... well they cease focusing on much of the above with Liv. That balance between the two partners got lost. There is a point of "it's a long story" then "it's not that long" she gives Amaro in regards to her father which he very likely put together the info (but honestly she never blatantly tells him, she doesn't SAY it on screen. That's all he got - and even up to S18 no one new has been told either. Meaning Fin is the only one on squad we can canonically confirms knows her full story - Headcanons aside nothing on screen says otherwise).

We get Amaro reacting to kid cases (really all cases he gets angry over most cases just as Elliot did). But the show ceases on Liv's background and family desires. Up until the Lewis arc and the finding of Noah. And even then, there is really no hint that the others know she is sitting in those court hearings. It's not till she is given custody that others seem to know.

(This also plays into why her whole speech with Amaro when he leaves bothers me --- story arc writing issues for me though).

Basically, I think it's not just a "give her a family" finally writing but also a mix of "we need that early thing we had with Stabler that we just aren't getting". We can see it with the measles ep (the entire squad went protective as everyone does with Stabler's kids in early eps - times we get that with Amaro kids is when danger is physically before them type thing)

Not sure if I'm making sense in this. I love that she has Noah ... just wish the writing stayed more balanced throughout the seasons (despite changes). Like, imagine she got to keep Calvin or the premie baby and still had to process Elliot leaving. Then all that happened and being given Noah?