#on a literal level hes trying to reach/connect to the person on the other side of the line. to be understood. and i think on an even more

[dennistakesamentalhealthday]

the nancy boy thing is just so fucking insane because like. they broke from the spelling of this name to do it but also incorporated it into the spelling of his name with n for nancy (possibly showing how he associates it with himself). but the license plate could have been any letter and that letter could have been any word and they chose b for boy. they could have cut to the license plate from any letter in dennis and they chose n for nancy. and we already know the way dennis spells out his name/words in this scene is very important metaphorically they showed us with that alternate D.E.N.N.I.S. system he gives us so.....they did that on purpose and drew attention to it

[piracytheorist]

Been thinking about Nightfall wanting to "awaken the heart buried within Twilight" and I'm like... how exactly is she planning on doing that? It doesn't look like she really understands Twilight, she only sees the idolized image of him that she's built in her mind.

Her only ambitions driving her to perfection (and, to her credit, she does actually achieve a great level of physical discipline that a spy needs to survive) are the ones of her ending up as Twilight's real wife and life partner. She doesn't seem to share any of his dreams, she doesn't even seem to appreciate a possible world where children are happy - which is Twilight's core motivation, so ingrained in him that he kept fighting for it even when he hadn't actively thought about it for a long time.

The reason Yor and Anya are the ones awakening his feelings is because they are way more connected to his ambitions and motivations. Anya reminds him of himself and how important it is to him to protect children's innocence and happiness. Yor has similar motivations, and he actually, canonically thinks of her as someone suitable to inherit the world he wants to create, and maybe I'm taking a bit of liberty here by saying he probably wishes he'd had someone like her to protect him when he was young and defenseless.

So, without even trying, just by being themselves, Yor and Anya connect with him and awaken all the emotions that have motivated him as a spy from the very start. Nightfall has literally dedicated her entire existence to becoming the perfect partner for Twilight, but in her effort to become perfect she has completely lost what actually matters to the man behind the Twilight spy persona. In fact, she may have actually ended up at the opposite side. She believes that after the war Twilight will want to reminisce over old times and tour old battlefields with her when we as the audience keep getting hints that he finds no pride or happiness in being a spy, other than having the chance to protect the world.

Nightfall is hard to relate to not only because she's mean and selfish. It's also because she has dedicated herself to a false, empty promise that was based on Twilight's fame. I'm guessing Twilight never shared his inner feelings and motivations that drove him to become a spy, so Nightfall has no idea how much of a sensitive person he really is, beneath all the masks he puts on. And she's doing all that in an effort to make him notice her, praise her, and eventually choose her as his romantic partner, but everything about it is hopeless.

In a way it's a very interesting way to present her character, as she's willingly becoming a Satellite Love Interest, and everything about her plan, from mistaking Twilight's motivations and personality, to treating Yor and Anya horribly, to reaching for a goal the audience knows is unachievable shows why you can't be like that in reality. I could even say it's a commentary and satire of Satellite Love Interests, making a brilliant example of how such characters can work if they're consciously written that way.

(Anime only fan here, don't spoil me for the manga)

[teyamskxawng]

What Once Was [I]

Lo'ak Sully x Fem!Omatikaya!Reader

Neteyam Sully x Fem!Omatikaya!Reader

Part II here

The rundown: The once unbreakable bond between you and Lo'ak is tested as a newfound connection develops between you and Neteyam

Warnings: language, love triangle, jealousy, miscommunication, angst (i think?), Lo'ak can't handle change, Lo'ak is emotionally immature, everyone is kind of oblivious, characters are aged up

WC: 5.0k

A/N: love triangle fic bc i was feeling messy but i'm kind of struggling to write this... i have absolutely no idea how it's going to end, but we're sticking with it i guess

For as long as you can remember, you and Lo'ak have always been inseparable. Born just days apart, it's like you were destined to grow up side by side, practically attached at the hip. From your most embarrassing moments to your proudest achievements, there was, and still is, rarely a time when the two of you aren't together. 

Once a wide-eyed, lanky little girl, you've blossomed into a strong and capable young woman. And it's no different for Lo'ak. The wayward and reckless boy from your childhood has matured both physically and emotionally (sort of) into a man. Neither of you are children anymore. You've outgrown those naive days, stepping into the world of adulthood.

It's all still new and bizarre to you—your sudden awareness of the terrifying looming task of finding a mate, the unexpected influx of second glances and prolonged conversations with the other guys in your clan, the near-constant gossip that there's more to your relationship with Lo'ak than meets the eye. But you figure these little sprinklings of oddities are simply part of the ever-changing journey of growing up. 

And throughout all the confusing changes and inexplicable hormones, Lo'ak continues to be your rock. His enormous smile and infectious laughter remain the same; they still possess the power to brighten even your gloomiest days.

To many, he's the olo'eyktan's son; a direct descendant of the esteemed Toruk Makto; the antithesis of his older brother; some four-fingered anomaly to stare at and whisper about. But to you? You've never defined him by any titles or labels. In your eyes, he's simply Lo'ak: the first person you ever called a friend. Stupidly reckless yet fiercely loyal, easily the most annoying person on Pandora yet the one soul you could never live without—you wouldn't have him any other way.

You're forever intertwined through idyllic shared moments: climbing your way up towering trees until your palms were raw with blisters and hurt like hell, egging each other on to reach risky new speeds and daring new heights while soaring through the sky atop your ikran, spending nights wide awake in adjacent hammocks while trying to hold in your childish giggles over idiotic jokes that no one else could possibly understand. The friendship between you and Lo’ak is steadfast and unwavering; nothing can shake the bond you share.

At least, that's what you thought until Neteyam entered the picture.

In all fairness, Neteyam has always been around. He's like a constant presence, just sort of hovering on the periphery of your life. With him being a year older, it used to seem like an entire lifetime separated you during your childhood years. He bore so much responsibility on his shoulders at such a young age yet still held so much respect and admiration from everyone around him. Destined to become the olo'eyktan of your clan and recognized throughout Pandora as an extraordinary hunter, Neteyam grew up as a literal prodigy in every sense of the word.

And despite growing up alongside him and his siblings, Neteyam's awe-inspiring reputation often still makes him seem larger than life—like an ethereal figure rather than someone deeply connected to so many of your childhood memories. 

You and Neteyam have always been on friendly terms, but you never reached the same level of closeness as you did with Lo'ak, Kiri, or even Tuk. Your interactions with him typically consist of simple hellos whenever you pass each other in the Sully tent, aimless lighthearted conversations during your joint training sessions, or joining forces to playfully (not really) gang up on Lo'ak in a mutual spirit of camaraderie. Even though these moments are undoubtedly positive and enjoyable, they're also few and far between compared to your experiences with the other Sully kids. 

Neteyam always has so much shit to do, so many things to train for, so many duties to obey. You'd be lying if you said you didn't feed into Lo'ak's 'perfect little warrior' quip about Neteyam behind his back.

And when Jake decides to send all of the warriors in your training group on paired week-long hunting trips to put your acquired skills to the test, he doesn't even think twice before shooting down your and Lo'ak's mutual request to team up because he's a heartless, cruel old man he has first-hand experience of the way you and Lo'ak seem to revert back to children in each other's presence. 

Lo'ak gets paired with some stony old head who's over twice his age, while you get paired with Neteyam, which actually is alright with you. Neteyam sends you a warm smile when his father points you his way, and you, in turn, shoot a massive grin back at Lo'ak's sad little face.

The hunting trip goes even better than you could've imagined. Throughout the week-long journey, not only do you make a handful of clean kills, but you also manage to break through some of the emotional barriers that Neteyam has always maintained around himself. Behind his protective walls, when he lets his guard down, he's just like any other Na'vi your age—he's witty, charming, and endearing in his own distinctive way. 

He's also objectively nice to look at.

So it's really no one's business if you find yourself mesmerized by the muscles rippling across his back as he draws his bowstring, aiming at a fish you should be helping him track. Or if you're too busy admiring the way his tanhì glow in the moonlight to register that he's called your name three times in a row without receiving your response. You're an adult; you’re allowed to admire other men. Besides, Neteyam seems to be blissfully unaware of the fact that he's a heartthrob. He's kind of introverted and shy, yet arguably one of Pandora's most genuine and kind-hearted souls. And honestly? You feel kind of stupid for not taking the time to peel back each layer of his carefully crafted facade and build a deeper friendship with him sooner. It's an unexpected companionship that blossoms during those days spent side by side with Neteyam in Pandora's mesmerizing beauty, and it'll forever be a treasured part of your shared memories. 

Upon returning from your week-long hunting trip, it's apparent to just about everyone that something has changed between you and Neteyam. Your bond has deepened, and every moment spent together is more meaningful than before. Your laughter booms louder; your conversations last longer; your shared glances become more playful. To say the experience has brought you closer would be the understatement of the century.

Lo'ak quickly picks up on the not-so-subtle changes in your friendship with his brother. 

The shift in dynamics has left him feeling a confusing mix of emotions—anger, hurt, and maybe even (definitely) a tinge of envy. As he watches his brother grow closer to you, he can't help but feel like he's losing the one stable thing in his life—the one person who never mocked him for his avatar blood, never made him feel like an outcast, never picked his brother over him. 

Not until now. 

It's bullshit. It's like Neteyam doesn't have enough blessings already, like he doesn't have his choice of any other person on Pandora. It just had to be you. With each passing day, Lo'ak feels himself becoming more distant from you and his brother, unsure how to navigate those choppy waters. 

Which brings him to today.

The three of you are together, riding your ikran to scout out an uncharted waterfall that you stumbled across while on a solo hunt earlier that week. You practically begged Lo'ak to go back to the waterfall with you, and despite all the emotional commotion clouding Lo'ak's mind, he still decides to join you, hoping that maybe things will return to normal. Just you and him. What he doesn’t know, however, is that you also invited Neteyam to tag along. It’s a surprise Lo'ak discovers only when he arrives at your meeting spot and finds his brother already there, leaning on his ikran and chatting away with you like the two of you are best friends. Neteyam has a stupid smile plastered on his face as he holds your attention, completely oblivious to his brother’s arrival.

He never intended on slipping into this role—the one left behind. But here he is, grappling with feelings he can't totally name or understand; vulnerability mixed with longing, anger chased by guilt.

Childishly, Lo'ak stands there in silence for a good ten seconds before either of you notice his arrival and finally make room for him in your little group.

"Hey," you greet him, a wide grin spreading across your face. But it goes entirely unnoticed by Lo’ak, whose eyes are dead set on his brother. Maybe if he tries hard enough, he can telepathically tell Neteyam to go away. 

"You didn't say he was coming," Lo'ak mutters, finally glancing in your direction. Because you didn't. He doesn’t even need to say his name; it’s obvious. The two of you never include his brother in your outings.

Your enthused expression falters at Lo'ak's noticeable lack of excitement or even a simple 'hello' in response to your greeting. 

"No…" you begin hesitantly, your eyes darting back and forth between the two brothers before settling once more on Lo'ak. "But Jake got called to High Camp and canceled Neteyam's training session, so I figured he could join us instead."

It must be obvious that your words haven't exactly won Lo'ak over because, at his continued silence, you add, "You know he never gets a break."

Lo'ak's jaw clenches as he just stands there, motionless and marinating in his stubborn silence. In his head, he's cussing out his dad and Max and Norm and everyone else in High Camp for ruining his afternoon. Lo'ak frustratedly bites the inside of his cheek to keep the expletives in before calling out to his ikran. As he waits for his ride, he's still silent and brooding and completely ignoring both you and his brother.

The high-pitched shriek of his banshee echoes off the trees as it approaches from a nearby cliff. It swoops down and lands gracefully in front of Lo'ak, and he reaches out to scratch it behind the ear without a word. Only then does he finally lift his gaze to find you and Neteyam staring at him in bewildered silence.

Neteyam's previously wide eyes squint in confusion when Lo'ak locks eyes with him. Struggling to find the right words, Neteyam asks carefully, "Is that okay with you?" His voice is slow and cautious, as if one wrong move might set Lo'ak off.

Lo'ak responds with a deep sigh that echoes through the air, not even bothering to hide his irritation. Reaching over his shoulder for his queue, he connects to and mounts his ikran in a flash of silent, swift movements. After settling on its back and letting the tense silence steep for a few moments, Lo'ak answers his brother's inquiry with an annoyed shrug of his shoulders and an uptight "Sure."

So, to say that Lo'ak was pissed would be an understatement. 

A bubbling cauldron of jealousy and resentment brewed inside him throughout the entire flight to the waterfall. And as all three of you land your ikran onto a nearby patch of grass, his blood continues to seethe with envy. Lo’ak grabs his queue and separates the connection between himself and his ikran. Immediately after doing so, the ikran emits a sharp hiss directly in his face. The creature then abruptly shifts its gaze, evidently fed up about sharing Lo'ak's unnerving emotions through their bond. Lo'ak knows it's immature to be so upset over something so seemingly insignificant, but it still gnaws at him relentlessly. So much so that the prospect of seeing the waterfall doesn't even excite him anymore. The entire outing feels overshadowed by the looming presence of his brother. 

Clearly though, you feel the complete opposite way. You're practically vibrating in anticipation, each beat of your ikran's wings drawing you closer to the ground. As soon as you land, you hurriedly shower your ikran in affection with a few loving pats on its flank before quickly dismounting and happily leading the way toward the waterfall.

Lo'ak and Neteyam have to jog a little to keep up with your enthusiastic pace as you navigate through the dense forest landscape. You're a good ten steps ahead of them, deftly bobbing and weaving beneath low-hanging branches while simultaneously working to untie the armband from around your bicep. Your figure keeps disappearing from Lo'ak's view—vanishing behind veils of cascading leaves one moment and leaping over boulders the next as you determinedly forge ahead. It’s like you’ve never been outside before.

Finally, he catches sight of you, standing triumphantly at the base of a colossal rocky wall. Rising above you is a mind-blowing waterfall that makes Lo'ak pause in his tracks. It stands so tall and roars so loud that he momentarily forgets all about his shitty mood. No amount of grumbling or sarcasm can compete with, or diminish, the raw power of the wonder that lies before him. A thick mist envelops the base where the water comes crashing down, blurring the boundary between the waterfall and the pool below. Beams of daylight pierce through the airborne water droplets, casting vibrant spectrums of color that seem almost alive as they dance across the expanse of the creek.

Using both hands, you gather your braids away from your face and retrieve the armband from its position clenched firmly between your teeth. Your back faces Lo'ak as you drink in the mesmerizing sight before you, and your excitement is practically bubbling over as you shout over the roar of the waterfall, "Isn't it amazing? I told you, I've never seen anything so beautiful." 

The blend of mist, light, and color casts a glowing halo around your figure as you secure your hair with the band, and Lo'ak is momentarily entranced. His breaths are a little shallow as he nods wordlessly at your back, not really processing your words, but fully convinced of them nonetheless. 

Your head tilts back as you crane your neck to further examine the sprawling wall of rock. "It's kind of a climb to get to the top," you warn. Lo'ak can practically see the gears turning in your head as you map out the best route up, the strategic warrior in you taking over. When your focused attention finally returns to Lo'ak and Neteyam, there's a mischievous twinkle in your eyes. "We should race," you challenge them with a grin.

The rugged, nearly vertical incline is intimidating but definitely doable. Lo'ak knows you're a skilled climber; the two of you spent your childhood scaling trees together. He fondly recalls days spent scrambling up trees and challenging each other to reach the highest branches. It felt like the biggest accomplishment in the world when you'd both reach the summit of Hometree. You'd bask in the view of the forest from the canopy until your parents inevitably tracked you down and scolded you for your reckless behavior.

You practically made climbing trees your entire personalities until Lo'ak's dumbass had to go and fall out of one. It left him with a nasty purple bruise that was way too big to hide, and when he went to his grandmother for healing, you were both unceremoniously banned from your cherished little hobby. It wasn't even that high up, but you've never let him live it down—constantly (and only half-jokingly) claiming that the accident is the sole reason he's a little off in the head.

The memory makes Lo'ak's lips twitch into a grin, and he's about to remind you of that nostalgic day when Neteyam speaks up.

"I guess it's good we didn’t invite monkey boy," Neteyam says, entirely serious. He's gazing up at the rocky enclosure in determination, raising a hand to shield his eyes from the harsh daylight before turning back to face you.

Your face scrunches up in confusion as you ask, “Who?”

Neteyam just nods at you before clarifying, “Spider.”

Lo'ak watches as you're silent for a few beats before you break out into a slow, wide grin and let out a loud snort of laughter. 

Lo'ak has to physically restrain himself from rolling his eyes, because nothing that Neteyam said warranted that kind of reaction. The remark wasn't even supposed to be funny; their whole family has been calling Spider by that nickname ever since he was little. But of course, the first time you hear that piece of information, it has to come from none other than Neteyam. And Lo'ak just has to stand there in silence like a third wheel for the umpteenth time that day. 

You’re barely able to string together words through your uncontrollable bubbles of laughter. "My Eywa," you gasp out, your eyes squeezed shut as you shake your head in disbelief. Finally catching your breath, you implore him lightheartedly, "You need to tell jokes more often, Neteyam. I’m serious."

Lo'ak knows that you're probably being a little sarcastic and a little serious at the same time, but either way, it's not like Neteyam knows that. He's just beaming back at you with that same dopey look on his face as he basks in your amusement. 

"I will…?" comes Neteyam's response, almost as if it were a question or a statement requiring some kind of validation. Lo'ak watches as you extend an arm to playfully nudge the back of his brother's head. This time, Lo'ak does roll his eyes as the two of you fall into a cycle of tugging on each other's braids and tails like a pair of five-year-olds. 

And it's been like this more and more often lately: Neteyam showering you with attention, you grinning from ear to ear and laughing at every single word that leaves his lips. It's irritating. And it gets even worse.

You finally manage to sneak out of Neteyam's reach, refocusing your sight on the towering wall ahead. 

"I'll go first," you declare confidently, surveying the wall from top to bottom as you adjust the bow and arrows securely fastened to your back. You locate a small protrusion in the rock's rough surface and firmly position your foot into the crevice, your fingers searching for a higher ledge to grip. Finding one, you propel your entire body upwards with a determined leap.

Lo'ak, unable to suppress his competitive inner child, is soon hot on your heels. From the moment you both mastered your bow and arrow, taking down your prey with clean precision, to the day you tamed and forged a bond with each of your ikran, your combined spirit of friendly competition has fueled a relentless desire to outdo each other. 

And today is no different.

"Bro, wait up!" Lo'ak shouts, his voice cutting through the cool mountain air. "I thought you said we were racing!" He scrambles onto the wall beside you, his eyes locked on your every move. Your quick hands and feet expertly navigate the rough, uneven surface of the rock wall, leading the way up.

"We are," you retort, not even sparing a glance at him as you carefully calculate each handhold and foothold. You keep your focus on the task at hand, stretching your arm out to grab a rock to your far left. 

Lo'ak extends his arm to grip the same rock you just occupied. He's well aware and not at all ashamed of the fact that he's blatantly copying your every move now—anything to keep up with your quick pace. 

"Then why'd you start without us?" he manages to ask, a little bit out of breath.

"So you can watch and learn," you reply confidently, a smug smile playing at the corners of your lips. Your outstretched foot reaches over just enough to give Lo'ak's shoulder a teasing little nudge. 

"Txanfwìngtu," Lo'ak mutters under his breath, but clearly not quiet enough. The unmistakable sound of his brother's disapproving "Lo'ak" reverberates through the air behind him. You whip your head in Lo'ak's direction before half-heartedly hissing at him. Your attempt at intimidation quickly dissolves into barely-contained laughter as you revel in the look of pure irritation on Lo'ak's face. 

You're still laughing as you resume climbing, but as you take your next step, you miscalculate your foot's placement on the rugged surface and momentarily lose your balance, whispering a soft "shit." But before you even have a chance to panic, you quickly catch yourself and regain your footing like it's nothing. Because it isn't. 

But Neteyam, the picture-perfect angel that he is, doesn't hesitate to reach out and steady you from his spot standing right behind you, even though you're barely as high off the ground as Tuk's height and it's obvious you're not going to fall. 

Lo'ak’s brows furrow as he watches your entire body tense up the instant Neteyam's hands wrap around your waist.

Something ugly swirls in Lo'ak's stomach as he notices the way his brother's eyes are practically glued to your waist, his fingers lingering on you for a few beats too long for it to feel friendly anymore. It's not until you turn your head over your shoulder to meet Neteyam's gaze that he actually has the presence of mind to shift his eyes up toward yours and let go of your middle.

"Sorry," he mumbles, so quiet and timid that you'd think he was lying if he told you he was the future leader of the entire clan.

"No, no, it's okay. Thank you," you say with a smile, clearly trying to brush it off and diffuse any lingering awkwardness from the situation. You turn back around and resume your ascent like nothing, but it doesn't escape Lo'ak's notice that he can detect the distinct scent of your arousal in the air, as clear as day. 

It's a natural reaction, something Lo'ak has noticed before in various situations without any cause for concern. He'd usually just tease you about it, and that would be that. But today is different. Seeing his brother so close to you and knowing how easily those kinds of emotions can rise to the surface because of his presence makes something ugly swirl in Lo'ak's stomach. 

Lo'ak has become increasingly agitated by your budding friendship with his brother ever since that week-long hunting trip you shared with him. And now? Now he's just confused. Everything feels so different. He's almost positive that there's something more going on between you and Neteyam—something deeper than just a normal, platonic friendship. The nagging feeling inside him refuses to go away, and he can't understand why it hurts so much.

You and Lo'ak have always been best friends—nothing more and nothing less. He's watched you talk to other men in the clan. There were countless instances where guys would boldly make a pass at you, even with Lo'ak standing right there by your side. But he'd always just laugh it off or poke fun at you. Because deep down, he's confident none of them are truly worthy of you, and nothing serious will ever come out of those flirtations.

But things are different now. Along came Neteyam—the perfect little warrior son who defies each and every one of those odds. Lo'ak can't ignore the fact that his brother is more than good enough for you. In fact, Neteyam is probably one of the few clan members who could actually be considered suitable for someone like you. This harsh truth strikes Lo'ak like a massive weight dropping on his chest.

Because of this, it's increasingly difficult for Lo'ak to shake off the nagging suspicion that something must've happened between the two of you. His mind is practically racing as thoughts of what could have transpired between you and Neteyam play over and over again inside his head like a dissonant, never-ending loop. Because what the fuck was that back at the bottom of the waterfall? Even now, your scent lingers in the air like a constant reminder of how Neteyam put his hands on you, cruelly etched into Lo'ak's memory.

He tries to focus on anything else but that moment: the lush forest surrounding the waterfall, the light filtering through the rustling leaves above, a stingbat hanging from a tree branch. He even tries taking deep breaths to calm himself down, but nothing works. It's like the soundtrack of his thoughts can't be silenced. He's a swirling vortex of anger, confusion, and betrayal, demanding an outlet to release all the pent-up turmoil.

So as soon as the little waterfall outing is all said and done and you all return to Hometree, Lo'ak swiftly grabs Neteyam's arm, pulling him aside. A puzzled expression sweeps across Neteyam's features, which only fuels Lo'ak's rising frustration over the entire situation. But the tense silence hanging in the air is cut short by your concerned voice.

"Is everything okay?" You inquire, your wide eyes dancing back and forth between the two brothers, searching for some kind of explanation.

​​Lo'ak's eyes, previously burning with rage, soften as they shift from his brother to your worried face. You just have that effect on him. 

With a brief nod of his head and a forced grin, Lo'ak tries to casually address your concerns. "Yeah, don't worry about it. I just need to talk to Neteyam about something." Sensing the tension ebbing away, he loosens his previously iron grip on his brother's arm, finally allowing it to drop altogether. "We'll catch up with you later."

Lo'ak holds his breath as you narrow your eyes at him, your face a clear mask of suspicion given his not-at-all-reassuring response. Your eyes dart toward Neteyam, who only offers you a shrug and a half-hearted smile. But clearly, he doesn't fully understand what's happening either.

Lo'ak doesn't let out the breath he's holding until you give him a reluctant nod in agreement before walking away.

Lo'ak's eyes are glued to your retreating form as you walk away, pushing past a group of low-hanging vines and disappearing into the distance. He refuses to tear his gaze away until he feels confident that you're far enough from him and his brother. With his heart pounding in his chest, he turns to face Neteyam, his eyes filled with accusation.

Without bothering to offer any preamble or context, he bluntly demands to know: "Did you fuck her?" This question has consumed him for what feels like an eternity—days melting into weeks.

Neteyam just blinks at Lo'ak, caught off-guard by the explosive confrontation. His forehead wrinkles, and his eyes squint towards his younger brother, clearly puzzled by the unexpectedness of the question. As shock gives way to disbelief, all he can muster in response is an incredulous "Are you serious?"

Lo'ak shoots back with a sarcastic huff of laughter, but his expression is anything but amused. "Dead serious, bro," he confirms, punctuating the statement with a firm nod of his head.

Neteyam's hands reach up seemingly unconsciously as they rake through his braids in clear frustration before rubbing at the sides of his temples. His eyes squeeze shut as he takes a moment to process the incredulity of it all before shaking his head and sighing heavily in exasperation.

He finally opens his eyes again and answers with unwavering certainty. "No," he replies with conviction, locking eyes with his brother to drive home the sincerity of his words.

Although Lo'ak finally feels a hint of relief surge through him at Neteyam's denial, the rage he's been harboring toward the entire situation continues to seethe just beneath the surface.

"But you want to, right?" he questions, his voice laced with a touch of hysteria, his frustration boiling over. "You just can't help yourself from taking the one person in my life who actually cares about me? You're that fucking selfish?" Lo'ak's mind races as he rambles on, his heart pounding wildly in his chest. His fists clench tightly at his sides, just itching to find their way to his brother's face.

Neteyam seems genuinely taken aback by Lo'ak's sudden outburst. He actually has the nerve to look like he's in disbelief. "That's not fair, and you know it," Neteyam says, his voice carrying a hint of hurt.

Lo'ak scoffs at Neteyam's defense, shaking his head in frustration. "Not fair? You're so full of shit," Lo'ak fires back. Because Neteyam will never understand. His life is picture-perfect. He doesn't have to carry the burden of being the second-born son—always the second thought, always living in someone else's shadow. He'll never get it.

Neteyam tries to reason with Lo'ak, his voice calm and pleading as if he's carefully picking each word to tread lightly on volatile ground. "Look, Lo'ak," he begins, his words measured like he'd practiced them already. It wouldn't really shock Lo'ak if that was the case.

"Y/n and I appreciate each other's company, but it's never crossed the boundaries of friendship. Still, I don't see why that matters. You told me the two of you are just friends, right?"

Lo'ak's silence hangs heavy in the air, as if the weight of the truth is finally sinking in. Neteyam's words weren't untrue; Lo'ak can't deny them. There were rumors floating around about you and him supposedly courting each other, barely over a year ago. You and he just laughed about it before mutually shutting everything down because you weren't anything more than friends. Aren't anything more than friends. But now the memories of those rumored whispers haunt him, like they're laughing at how stupid and confused he is about everything concerning you all of a sudden.

Lo'ak hesitates for what seems like an eternity, drawing a knowing smile from Neteyam, who then places a firm hand on top of Lo'ak's head like he's a little kid. The gesture only serves to intensify the fire burning within Lo'ak. Neteyam doesn't know anything about his friendship with you. 

Frustration and anger bubble up within Lo'ak as he forcefully wrenches his brother's arm away from him. "Get your hands off me," he mumbles, taking several steps back to put some distance between them. "And keep your hands off y/n," he adds as an afterthought, his voice bitter with resentment.

The air between the two brothers is thick with tension and unresolved emotions. It's like a storm, just waiting to break loose. Their bond has always been iffy, but at this moment, it feels like it could be severed altogether by the thin thread barely keeping them connected. 

It's too much.

Without another word, Lo'ak turns and walks away, each of his footsteps heavy with the weight of his tormenting feelings.

A/N: This feels so dramatic?? Lmfao this is exactly why I don't write angst, but I do have a second part sitting in my drafts 😼

Next part here

[captainsophiestark]

End of the Line

Anakin Skywalker x Reader

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Written for my personal fic writing challenge for 2024, Sophie's Year of Fic! Featuring a new fic being posted every Friday, all year long :)

Fandom: Star Wars

Summary: Anakin and his SO have a chaotic date night - and really, when dating Anakin, what other kind could there be?

Word Count: 1,051

Category: Fluff, Humor

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

A beam of light whizzed over my head from where I hunkered behind cover, almost nailing me right in the forehead. I grit my teeth and readied my weapon. That marked my opponent's tenth shot, meaning he'd need to let his gun recharge before he could fire again. Time to make my move.

"Alright, that's it! Your bloodline ends here!" I shouted at the top of my lungs before popping up from my cover behind the couch. I saw a flash of shaggy brown hair as my boyfriend, Anakin Skywalker, scrambled for cover of his own across the living room.

I raised my light gun—a blaster that literally just fired light, usually used by children for tag games but tonight employed by Anakin and I—and raced across the room after him.

I fired the entire time I ran, keeping Anakin from popping up his head. It left me with just one shot by the time I got to him, but one shot was all I needed.

I rounded the corner of my favorite cushy chair and fired at my boyfriend, right on target to hit him square in the chest. That is, until my light beam stopped in mid-air.

My eyes darted up to Anakin's to find him grinning, one hand extended the way he did sometimes to use the Force and the other still holding his newly-recharged blaster. I narrowed my eyes, but before I could say anything, he fired a shot of his own that hit me in the chest.

"You cheater!" I yelled, ignoring the explosion of light still glowing against my shirt. Anakin rolled to the side and dropped his hand, letting what would've been the perfect shot streak past him and into the far wall of our apartment. I scowled.

"You never said no Force," Anakin replied, getting to his feet with an entirely too satisfied smirk. He offered a hand to me, but I didn't take it.

"Mmm, I'm pretty sure I specifically said 'No Jedi bullshit' right before we started this thing."

Anakin grinned at me as I got to my feet and faced him.

"Exactly. No Jedi bullshit. Lots of people have a connection to and use the Force."

I closed my eyes and took a long, deep, dramatic breath. When I opened them again, Anaking was still watching me with a self-satisfied smirk.

"You've been spending too much time with politicans, trying to sell me on a loophole like that."

"As opposed to bounty hunters?"

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "You and I both know that's not what I do."

"I know. It's just fun to watch your face scrunch up."

I reached out and hit Anakin in the chest, but my heart wasn't in it. We'd first met because I'd been at the top of my class with the GAR, before they'd switched primarily to clones, and the Jedi had needed an extra, well-trained hand on short notice. Now, I basically worked as a contractor for the Republic. I'd continued to help the Jedi regularly, especially, and I'd gotten close with many of them. But Anakin more than anyone else.

"So. Rematch?" Anakin asked, raising an eyebrow and holding his light blaster up. I smiled.

"As much fun as it would be to beat you in a No-Force rematch-" Anakin scoffed and raised an eyebrow, but I just ignored him. "-we already spend too much of our time around blasters. How about we order some of our favorite foods and find a good holo to watch?"

Anakin smiled, soft and genuine, and let the hand with his blaster fall back to his side.

"Yeah. I guess we can-"

He got cut short when I brought my hand up as fast as lightning, my recharged blaster now ready to go. I levelled it at his chest, pausing just long enough to give him a grin and register the absolute shock on his face before pulling the trigger.

A bright light exploded across Anakin's chest, making the front half of his shirt about five shades lighter. I cackled.

"Ha, now we're even! Call that a tie and let's get some pizza."

Anakin shook his head at me, but he was grinning all the same.

"You're ruthless. And that was incredibly sneaky of you."

I just gave him a wink.

"You know you love it, Skywalker. It's why you love me."

He snorted, but came close enough to wrap his arms around me and pull me into this chest, too.

"I do love you. Sneaky cheater in competition and all."

"Aww, babe."

Anakin and I shared a laugh and a smile before leaning into a soft, sweet kiss. Since he was a Jedi, we couldn't just do stuff like this whenever and wherever we wanted. Which meant I knew not to take a single moment alone with him for granted.

"So, now that my title's been defended, do you want to follow through on that pizza and some holos?" I asked.

"We could do that. Or..."

"Or?"

Anakin grinned, a familiar troublemaker spark in his eye that I loved. I grinned right back.

"Instead of holos or a rematch, we could team up to go wreak some havoic on Obi-Wan and Ahsoka. Play a few rounds absolutely destroying them, and then disappear somewhere nice together where they can't find us."

"I like the way you think, Skywalker. Do the Jedi or the Force or whatever say anything about soulmates?"

"I don't think so... Why?"

"Because I'm pretty sure you're mine. Get your blaster ready and let's go have some fun."

I started to head for the door, but Ani's strong arm around my waist pulled me quickly back into a searing kiss. I let my free hand come up to tangle in his hair and kissed him back, hard, until we were both finally forced to come up for air.

"Okay," Anakin said, slightly breathless and with a smile on his face. "Now we can go wreak some havoic."

I laughed as I took Anakin's hand, a little giddy as I pulled him towards the oor. We really made the perfect pair, to the occasional detriment of our friends, whether or not they actually knew we were a pair. Hopefully, we could get through this war together, and find our way to a happy ending on the other side.

And until then, we'd just find as many happy moments together like this as we could.

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989

[heretherebedork]

So Yoh falls in love at first sight with Segasaki, gets mocked by his friends for being a loner and sent on errands and then rescued from that by Segasaki but also how their communication has always been Segasaki pushing Yoh until he gets an answer and Yoh hesitating to communicate anything because he's always been mocked and teased and has no confidence in himself.

No wonder Yoh doesn't trust or believe in anything that's happening with them. He still sees Segasaki as someone so far out of his reach and range that he cannot handle it at all.

Yoh's insecurities are never ending and his fear of losing Segaski breaks my heart but we can also see how little Yoh trusts his actions.

Yoh literally cannot come up with any words that describe Segaski's feelings. None. He sits and he stares and he cannot come up with anything because to him Segaski feels nothing and so he has to label or words for what he might be feeling.

And Segaski communicates his feelings in so many actions and in so many choices but never directly and so Yoh can always find a way to deny that those feelings are real, again and again, that Segaski could not feel anything for him.

Because it's safer to imagine he feels nothing, it's safer to protect himself from pain and unrequited love by pretending that this is all one-sided, by holding onto his constant discomfort and denial because it simply cannot be true otherwise.

And this is a different insecurity. This is what Yoh and Segaski's struggles to communicate have become. They've turned into an argument that isn't an argument and hurt feelings and broken hearts on both sides. On two people both speaking at a crossroads and unable to ask for clarification or to speak clearly because they're both afraid of what they might hear.

Yoh doesn't dare ask Segaski for details about who he's talking about because he cannot actually imagine that he would be jealous of his friend's husband teasing him (Yoh was smiling so big and wide with him, so silly and having so much fun, no wonder Segaski was jealous) but Segasaki might ask for an explanation but would also take those at face value after all the struggles they've had.

Because Segasaki says 'I won't accept it' and Yoh thinks it's about him drawing yaoi manga while Segasaki is talking about him being playful with his friend and so when Yoh explains the appeal of the fictional version of Segasaki.... well, you get pain.

This time, you get to watch Segasaki's heart break as he listens to Yoh because he has been trying so hard to do that for him, to be better than the person who made Yoh drink and cry. But Yoh just told him (he thinks) that he isn't doing that. That he has not shown him any more sincerity or kindness, that his efforts to take better care of Yoh have amounted to nothing.

While Yoh just means that he's making the fictional Segaski softer.

Yoh cannot imagine Segasaki being jealous over him. He cannot believe that might happen and so it never occurs to him that Segasaki might think he was cheating or with someone else. He simply cannot believe or imagine that the perfect, handsome, beautiful and (in his opinion) haughty Segasaki would truly be upset over something he did.

Ugh. My heart. These boys are so in love it's painful but they're just struggling so much to put anything into words, to speak to each other without the other person finding a way to misinterpret what they're saying.

And then we get more of the past and we can see how Segasaki fell in love and how Yoh used to be braver, how they came together and how that love that is so evident between them is also so, so insecure. Yoh stepped in and pulled Segasaki away and comforted him.

Something happened between university and coming back together as adults that broke this connection that they've never recovered from and neither of them knows that they never recovered.

(Yoh is so, so deeply insecure and I don't think Segasaki understands that level of insecurity and has never faced someone so desperate to deny that he is loved.)

[monalogs]

Relax | Nyon

➷ Paring - Nyon x Fem!Reader [Randal's Friends / Ranfren]

➷ CWs - Drug use (weed), grinding, use of Russian words (translations provided at the end), making out, just Nyon being sweet :)

a/n - pumped this out in a few hours, i got too excited LOL. apologies for any mistakes. p.s can you tell i haven't smoked in literal years

You huff, finally completing cleaning the kitchen. It had been a long day in the Ivory household, well, for you at least. A bulk of the chores tended to fall on you and with the antics the house seemed to get into, they piled up quickly.

It was annoying for sure, you rarely got any help. Nyen was the type to add dishes to the sink while you were washing them, Luther was always busy with other things, Randal made most of the messes, and even and Sebastian barely took notice of your effort. You couldn't catch a break.

Well, except Nyon.

The quiet catman actually did assist you most days, much to your relief. You never asked him to, he just did. You really appreciated the silent connection you both had.

With all the personality between these walls, when it came down to it, you both kept the most level heads. You're sure the house wouldn't function the same without that.

Which is why you are so frustrated today. You haven’t seen Nyon all day. Again, he wasn't obligated to help you per say, but he lived in this house just as much as you did. So why are you doing all the work?

Your back and feet ached terribly, and you still needed to do laundry. Groaning, you turn a corner when you bump into someone– Nyon, coincidentally.

Usually, you smile and try to small-talk him (despite his standoff behavior) but today, you are so irked you scoff and put down the full laundry basket on the ground. “Your clothes are in here, y’know.” Nyon watches you cross your arms.

His face is stoic, as usual. He stares at you while you stare back at him. It's awkward, and you realize how stupid it is to expect some response from him. You go to pick the basket up again when you feel him grab your shoulder. Looking up, you expect another stare, but he's sheepishly looking off to the side before muttering, “Come.”

Before you can ask, he's walking off, making you follow him. You realize you've walked into his room, where he shuts the door behind him. “Okay… what is it? I still have things to do, Nyon.”

You're still giving him that attitude and Nyon hates that. He didn't mean to be out all day, he wanted to surprise you with something. He knows how stressed you’ve been.

He motions you to sit on the messy bed with him, and despite your tone, you listen. “ Мне жаль, I know you are tired.” His accent is low and smooth, giving a weird butterfly feeling in your stomach you weren't used to. He didn't talk much, but was his voice always so… enticing?

Suddenly, all the peeves you had with him were gone. You shift on the bed as he continues, “I got us this.” He pulls out a zipped baggie and reaches in to reveal… a joint.

It’s silent for a second before you let out a laugh. “Really? You got us a joint?” You giggle as he rubs his neck, “We don’t need to do it if you don’t wish–” Cutting him off, you lean forward close to him, “Oh, no, we are. I fucking need this, light it.”

Nyon gulps to himself, when did it get warm in here? He quickly lights it per your request, making sure it's ready as he passes it to you.

With a big inhale, the smoke fills your lungs– and you immediately cough it all out. Now, it's Nyon’s turn to let out a chuckle. It’s small, but it's enough to make you giggle too. You push his shoulder in a playful way, “Hey, it's been a while for me!”

He takes the lit joint from your hand while you still recover from the burn in your lungs. Swiftly, he takes a massive puff from the joint, and expertly keeps it down before he releases the smoke. Your jaw hangs, “So you do this often?” Nyon shows a small smirk, “Eh, time to time.”

Time passes and before long, the joint has been passed between you two enough for you to really start to feel it.

Finally, you tap out and lay on the bed, satisfied with the fuzzy feeling going up and down your body. Nyon takes the joint, setting it aside on an ashtray.

You motion him to lay beside you, and he hesitates for a second before he does. A couple inches separate you both, in the low lighting you can see his glossy eyes gaze back at you. You don’t know what you are thinking before you inch closer to him, placing a hand on his face. “Don’t be nervous, relax.”

Nyon’s eyelids hang low, “Do you feel good?” You hum, “Yeah, really good.” Nyon’s chest is noticeably moving in and out as sweat builds on his temples.

“Remember, this is to relax.” You try to remind him when he suddenly lets out a curse in Russian you don't understand. “It's hard– it's hard to. You're so close. I want you closer, любимая.” He speaks quickly and without a thought you pull him into a deep kiss.

After you both separate, you roll on top of him. Straddling his hips, you lean down and kiss him more. He seems to have found some confidence, placing his hands on your hips as your tongues interlock.

When you pull away, you see his half lidded eyes and flushed face. Slowly, you start to grind against his hardness, the hazy feeling in your head becomes stronger when you feel the warmth between your legs.

“родная, take off our clothes, yes?” You nod and he follows suit, both tugging at each other’s clothes in between kisses.

Finally, you lay exposed on the bed with him hovering over you. Everything moves quickly, feeling Nyon’s warm length rubbing against you.

Your hands trace the firmness of his body, you hadn't realized how attractive the catman really was. Maybe it was the THC talking, but you can't help but wrap your legs around him and pitch.

“Please, Nyon–” He hushes you, grinding against your slick warmth, his breaths heavy as you feel his heart beat through his chest, “Relax, любимая.”

You whine and pull him closer, “Don’t tease!” You're sure he can see the desire in your red eyes, pleading with him to just sink in. He pushes himself closer to you and aligns himself, kissing your neck before he murmurs, “Okay, okay.” How could he ever deny you?

He finally thrusts in, slowly, inch by inch before he completely fills you. Both of you have a groan escape your mouths. Nyon almost feels like he's about to burst right then, the sensation is so clear and strong.

You feel heavenly, better than he ever used to imagine. He keeps himself from thrusting too hard, instead choosing to pace himself so he can savor this moment with you. You sound so beautiful, look so beautiful, staring at him with those glossy lidded eyes. He wants to make sure you feel every inch of him.

“So sweet, (Y/N). So sweet and perfect, только для меня” His kisses trail down your neck, meeting your collar bone, leaving hickies.

Your moans fill the room, not even realizing how loud you are being, fully focusing on the heat consuming your body. “Cute sounds.” Nyon says through passionate huffs. He appreciates his silence typically; himself barely letting out any noises, but he wants to hear it all from you, every whine and moan.

It isn't long before your moans turn into whines, reaching your tipping point when Nyon hits that spot that makes you tighten around him over and over again. “You want to come?” You nod and wrap around him closer, “Yes, yes– Don’t stop!”

Nyon listens, pistoning in and out with such intensity you swear you see stars. Finally, you cross your legs behind Nyon’s back, arching your back as you come undone around him.

Soon, Nyon can’t keep himself together when the sensation of your tightness becomes too much. “Ебать–” He pulls himself out and shoots white all over your heaving stomach. It’s a lot , how long has he been holding this in? He slouches over you, observing your sweaty face, “Sorry, mess.”

You shush him, pulling him to lay next to you once again. “No, no, don't worry. It was amazing.” You giggle, still feeling the high linger on your body. It’s less intense, now you just feel tired.

Nyon shows you a small smile as you wrap your arms across his waist, big spooning him.

“I like you.” Nyon admits, letting go of a weight on his chest he had been holding for a while now. He feels like he's about to melt, it's like he didn't just fuck you, instead it's as if he’s a school girl confessing under a cherry tree.

He slowly turns his head to look at you, meeting your gaze. It's silent for a second, then you kiss his nose, “I do too.”

…

“I am hard again.”

Мне жаль - I'm sorry

любимая - darling

родная - dear

только для меня - only for me

Ебать - fuck

I apologize if anything is inaccurate! I used google translate. If anyone who knows Russian sees any mistakes, please tell me and I will fix them :)

[artbyfinnbrown]

Screenshots of my favourite moments of Re:Zero Arc 6: (part 2) (the emotional rollercoaster of a lifetime)

Subaru may have lost his memories, but he hasn’t forgotten the importance of committing to the bit.

“Everyone is physically attractive” - a thing that people who are only attracted to one gender definitely say.

Subaru: So what are we? Julius: (How am I supposed to explain that I want to be friends, but he’s going through a one-sided “rivals-to-lovers” arc towards me?) Julius: We’re… friends. Yeah. Subaru: ? Why was there a pause there?

There’s not one left to remember left to remember Rem. But worse then being entirely forgotten, there are people who know that no one remembers Rem. This is messed up.

No you didn’t Subaru. You said exactly what you where supposed to.

I’m glad it’s canon that Subaru has watched magical girl shows (or at least familiar enough with them that he has the poses memorized)

So I know the Gluttony IF exists, and because of that, on a logical level I know that Subaru wasn’t going to go through with the plan to read everyone’s books of the dead….

But I was not comfortable with how close he got.

Yeah at this point, Subaru has lost his memories, has been possessed by [Natsuki Subaru], and is being haunted by the memories of Meili, leaving him in a very unstable state, mentally. To top this off, Reid (who is supposed to be a trial) is roaming the tower, the tower is also being attacked by a horde of witchbeasts. Also in a previous loop it looked like everyone killed each other? And then the whole tower was swallowed by a shadow? And there hasn’t been an explanation for any of this yet.

So I’m with Subaru. What IS going on.

Like I mentioned before, logically I knew that Subaru wasn’t going to kill all of his friends….

But that didn’t stop me from breathing an audible sigh of relief after reading Subaru reach that decision himself.

he’s a good person he’s a good person he’s a good person Natsuki Subaru is a good person he still cares about them he still cares about them he still cares about them-

Rather than Screenshot the entire chapter, I just decided to screenshot the title. Just…. This chapter. They trust him. They saved him. Emilia trusts him. Emilia saved him. And in return, he’s going to save all of them.

No Beatrice, Subaru’s actually completely right about all of this.

Fellas, is it gay for a man’s appearance to make you except things of of him?

(Not necessarily. But I guess if you want to read it that way, you could)

Rather than try and make my own, less funny joke, I will instead refer you to the words of tumblr user Liquidstar:

it’s so over….

we are so back.

HA GOTTEM

Subaru: I’m Nothing like [Natsuki Subaru] Also Subaru: (does the exact thing Natsuki Subaru would do)

Call me crazy but I’m starting to think that Subaru Natsuki and Subaru Natsuki are the same person.

It’s so over….

oh it is so over.

So I love the whole exchange in the corridor of memories between the two Subaru’s. So rather than screenshot the whole thing, I just made this meme:

We are so back

OH WE ARE SO BACK!

Huh. I feel like this is going to have an effect on the whole…. Royal Selection thing. Maybe it’ll be fine though.

Fellas, is it gay to um... to uh… literally blast your enemies with a rainbow?

(Not necess- Oh who am I kidding. We aren’t escaping the gay allegations with this one, fellas)

Huh? I am now very curious about what exactly happened 400 years ago.

Nooooooo Shuala! I wanted her to learn that her master wasn’t coming back and come to terms with that! I wanted her to be able to leave the tower And see the world! I wanted her to be allowed to make connections outside of her devotion to her master! I wanted her to have friends! Shuala deserved better.

So that was Arc 6.

I feel like my heart was torn out, sent on a rollercoaster ride, was stabbed a bunch of times, Was put back together with tender love and care, and then was shoved back into my body. And then that process was repeated several times.

I guess I’m off to read the short stories, the EX novels, and the IF routes now. Or maybe just lie down and emotionally process everything some more.

[burst-of-iridescent]

the official zutara dissertation (p.3)

Part 1 | Part 2

Now I’ve proven why Zutara is superior, I’ll address the most common anti Zutara arguments (aka, the most ridiculous shit I’ve ever heard in my life). 

BOOK 3: DEBUNKING ANTI ZUTARA ARGUMENTS

1. People only like Zutara because they’re dark and intriguing. In actuality, it’s a shallow relationship based purely on physical appearance. 

First of all, I find it hilarious that Zutara is the shallow ship when Mai.ko is canon, but we’ll get into Mai.ko later. Second, kindly read the 2k words I wrote here about how Zutara connect with and understand one another on a far deeper level than any romantic relationship in the show, and if it’s “dark and intriguing” for two characters to have parallel character foundations and journeys, to support and comfort each other, and forge a relationship based on mutual respect and trust… sign me up, y’all. 

(Also, yeah Zuko and Katara look good together. Sorry you can’t say the same about the mother and son, or the emo goth wannabes). 

2. Zutara would be toxic because all they’d do is fight. 

Zuko and Katara fought (physically) for much of the series because, shocker, they were on opposing sides of a war. They didn’t have petty fights for no reason (*ahem* Maiko), they were literally enemies, and it was that history that drove the two (2) big emotional fights they had in the whole series.

The first time they “fight”, Katara is yelling at Zuko in the Crystal Catacombs (Book 2: The Crossroads of Destiny) about how evil he is for chasing the Avatar and makes a bunch of generalizations about him. Then Zuko gets pissed and yells back and they blow up into a giant argument – oh wait, what’s that? She opens up to him? He sympathizes with her? She immediately stops being hostile the minute he reaches out? 

The second Zuko and Katara see each other as people and not enemy combatants, they instantly connect. Katara apologizes for yelling at him and the interaction that follows is tender, open and vulnerable, with both Zuko and Katara genuinely listening to and bonding with one another. Toxicity? 404 Error: Page Not Found

The next and last time they “fight” is in the Southern Raiders, following Katara’s hostile treatment of Zuko from the moment he joined the Gaang. First of all, Katara’s anger here is entirely justified because Zuko betrayed her personally. The rest of the group hadn’t been vulnerable with Zuko or trusted that Zuko had changed, so none of them were hurt by Zuko’s decision to side with Azula. Katara, however, had genuinely believed in Zuko, offered to help him, and opened up about her deepest hurt to him – and he’d thrown it back in her face.

Zuko accepts Katara’s anger without complaint, knowing that he deserves it, and works to earn Katara’s forgiveness. He teaches Aang firebending, helps Sokka to rescue his father from prison, and fights Azula to let the rest escape. When he confronts Katara in the Southern Raiders, it’s because he genuinely wishes to understand why she still mistrusts him despite everything he’s done to prove his sincerity. He’s frustrated but genuinely trying to make amends and wants to know what Katara needs in order to accomplish that. 

Both of these fights stem from legitimate grievances Katara has against Zuko, mistakes he’s made that he does need to atone for. However, what’s more interesting is the way Zuko reacts to Katara’s anger both times. He doesn’t mindlessly yell at her, get defensive, or escalate the situation. In the catacombs, he is sullen and moody until she reveals the true depths of her pain, at which point his own anger bleeds away and he reaches out to her with genuine compassion. In TSR, he is calm and contrite, willing to listen and making the effort to understand where she’s coming from so he can resolve the issue. (So toxic, amirite?)

Given that the majority of Katara’s anger at Zuko in the series stemmed from either his position as her enemy, or her hurt over his betrayal, I find it very hard to believe that they would ever “fight” on a similar scale in a future where they got together – a future where both of these conflicts no longer exist. Their canonical approach to disagreement sees them both willing to apologize, to work things out, and to try and understand each other, making it likely that any arguments they do have would be resolved in a healthy manner. Moreover, after Zuko and Katara have put their past behind them for good and established their friendship, they never fight again – and, in fact, grow closer.

Their intimacy and connection, the similarities in their personalities and motivations, and the evidence of their canonical response to disagreement, especially Zuko’s (a desire to understand and a clear evaluation of the situation to find a solution) is more than enough proof that this argument against Zutara is, frankly, bullshit.

(And if we want to talk about fighting, guess what Kat.aang and Mai.ko are doing in much of book 3? *looks pointedly at The Beach, The Southern Raiders, The Ember Island Players, Sozin’s Comet and the multiple unresolved arguments dropped in favour of a last-minute kiss, because that definitely solves everything.)

3. Zutara is a colonizer/colonized or oppressor/oppressed ship. 

I’ve disproved this (factually untrue) argument in this post but to add on: Zuko turned traitor against his country, at threat to his own safety, and risked his life multiple times to bring the regime to an end because he knew he was on the wrong side of the war. Zuko fought against his own family and nearly died to protect Katara. Zuko and Katara, together, helped to overthrow Fire Nation imperialism and bring about a new era of peace. No true colonizer has ever, or would ever, do that. 

Should Zuko and Katara get together, they would do so after the war. As the daughter of a national leader and a war hero, Katara would likely hold just as much power as Zuko, if not more, given that the Fire Nation is now in a position where it must offer reparations and concessions to the other nations. She would be entering the relationship as an equal and would, in fact, gain additional power by becoming Fire Lady, not subjugate herself under a tyrannical regime. 

4. Katara hates Zuko/Katara is hostile to Zuko/Katara doesn’t care about Zuko and so she would never fall in love with him. 

I see we’re just watching the show with our eyes closed now, lmao. 

Even when they were on opposing sides of a war, Katara offered to use her special spirit water to heal Zuko’s scar. Even when she still hadn’t forgiven him, Katara reached out and put herself in danger to save Zuko’s life by pulling him onto Appa’s saddle. (Book 3: The Southern Raiders). Katara and Zuko’s entire relationship arc in Book 3 is based on the fact that they formed a genuine connection in the catacombs. 

And once Zuko gains her forgiveness? Katara shows him nothing but unconditional love, trust and acceptance. She throws herself into his arms when she forgives him (Book 3: The Southern Raiders), banters with him, looks worried for him and tries to comfort him (Book 3: Ember Island Players). She fights by his side readily, invites him to join the group hug, and teases him about his baby pictures (Book 3: Sozin’s Comet Part 1). She notices that he’s frightened about facing Iroh, and encourages and supports him with a loving, tender smile on her face (Book 3: Sozin’s Comet Part 2). 

She agrees to go with him on what may well be the last day of their lives, reassures him, and trusts his judgement completely when he wishes to fight Azula himself (Book 3: Sozin’s Comet Part 3). She looks absolutely horrorstruck when he sacrifices himself for her, screams his name, and immediately tries to run to him, completely forgetting about the powerful firebender in her path. She cries from pure joy when she’s able to heal him, and then stands by his side in support as they look upon a defeated Azula (Book 3: Sozin’s Comet Part 4). 

Whether you see that as platonic or romantic, it is utterly undeniable that Katara loves Zuko very, very much. 

5. Katara would never want to be Fire Lady because she hates the Fire Nation. 

One of Katara’s major arcs is understanding that the Fire Nation is not all-consuming evil, that it is worth saving and worth helping, and it is solely those in power and their militaristic ideology that is to blame, not the people or the land. Katara never shows an ounce of discomfort in the FN, actually enjoys FN climate, risks her safety and the invasion itself to help its people, and appears excited to wear FN clothes, but I guess that was just a figment of my imagination.

6. Katara would have to give up her culture to become Fire Lady. 

Firstly, someone kindly explain to me what exactly it is that Katara would have to sacrifice about her culture. She can’t dress in blue anymore? She can’t eat Water Tribe food? She can’t wear her hair loops? What aspects of her culture, exactly, would Katara have to “give up” in the Fire Nation?

Secondly, since this argument is so concerned about Katara’s culture, let’s look at what happens to her in canon – oh wait, two out of three of Katara’s children show absolutely no connection to their SWT roots? Her oldest son spends his whole life wishing he were an airbender and giving no fucks at all about his waterbending heritage despite the fact that, as the child of a mixed family, he should have valued both cultures equally? Huh, ya don’t say. 

Before you say the same would have happened to Zutara, let me point out that Zuko’s arc is about unlearning this exact ideology (that one nation is more important than others) whereas Aang, at the end of the show, still prioritizes Air Nomad ideals over those of the other nations (refusing to kill Ozai because of Air Nomad pacifist values), despite being the Avatar. Yeah I see why Katara’s culture barely got a passing mention in that family.

7. Zutara had no canon romantic build-up, and Katara is just supposed to be Zuko’s surrogate little sister. 

Sure, Zuko and Katara expressed no explicit romantic interest in one another in canon, but it is entirely wrong to say there was no romantic build up. Many of Zuko and Katara’s scenes together are full of romantic subtext and framing, which the writers and animators left in for some reason (cough they were supposed to be canon):

Zuko draping a betrothal necklace around Katara’s neck (Book 1: The Waterbending Scroll). The exact same message would’ve been communicated if he’d just dangled it before her, but instead the animators went to the extra trouble of creating a scene where he holds it up to her throat despite knowing full well that it was a betrothal necklace, and the implications that came with that 

Katara touching Zuko’s scar (Book 2: The Crossroads of Destiny). Seriously, what the fuck is this romantic ass framing for a non-canon ship lmfao Zuko closing his eyes to lean into Katara’s touch? Katara’s thumb resting on his lips? The soft, swelling emotional music in the background? It was entirely unnecessary for them to even make contact when they could have just ended the scene with Katara saying “I can heal you” and Zuko nodding to give her permission before they get interrupted, but the writers chose to give them the most intimate scene in the whole show and then went ah yes! such platonic besties :)

Zuko covers Katara’s body with his own to protect her from rocks (Book 3: The Southern Raiders) in a perfect example of the Suggestive Collision trope, which is then followed by the Please Get Off Me trope, both of which are used specifically to create romantic tension. Really feeling the sibling vibes here guys 

Zuko and Katara exchange the classic “ew wtf there’s no way I would ever fall in love with you” awkward look (Book 3: The Ember Island Players), used in literally every romcom ever to communicate denial of actual romantic feelings

Zuko pushes Aang out of the way to sit next to Katara, and Katara gives him a side glance before tucking her hair behind her ear (Book 3: The Ember Island Players), in a perfect set up for a love triangle. This is then furthered when Aang becomes jealous at the idea of Zutara in the play, even though Zuko and Katara had expressed no explicit romantic interest in each other at this point 

Katara is conveniently “confused” right after watching the play (Book 3: The Ember Island Players) where she expressed romantic interest in Zuko and none at all in Aang. If she did love Aang shouldn’t this have been the point where she realized it? Also, this is the first time Aang and Katara talk about their kiss at the invasion despite it being six whole episodes ago? When they literally had a big chunk of time alone while Sokka and Zuko were at the Boiling Rock to have this discussion?

Zuko and Katara being framed almost identically to Sokka and Suki, the established canon couple, throughout the four-part finale 

Zuko and Katara blush and fervently deny being romantically involved (Book 3: Sozin’s Comet Part 2) in a classic illustration of the She Is Not My Girlfriend trope (TV Tropes even points out that this is particularly common on shows where kids and preteens are the main target audience... interesting), which is usually meant to imply that there is, in fact, genuine romantic feelings present

THAT. FUCKING. LIGHTNING. SCENE. The sudden slow-motion, the dawning horror on Zuko’s face, the slow, sad violin music in the background, the desperate race to intercept the lightning before it got to Katara, the long, drawn-out, dramatic NOOOOOOO! as he literally jumps in front of her, the zoom in to Katara’s face of utter horror as she realizes what has happened to Zuko? All of it ties into the classic Taking the Bullet trope, making use of every visual storytelling trick to communicate romantic love. Zuko valiantly struggles to get to Katara, and Katara screams his name and runs to him with her hand outstretched like every cheesy romantic movie death you’ve ever seen. There is romantic coding plastered all over this damn scene, and if you don’t believe me, just substitute Sokka in Zuko’s place and tell me that doesn’t feel like we took a right turn into sweet home Alabama.  

If you are going to include this many hints at romance to fool your audience into thinking that a ship will become canon, you cannot then *surprised pikachu face* when people actually think the damn ship should’ve been canon, especially when backed up by emotional intimacy, beautiful symbolism, narrative parallels and character and thematic significance.

[kusakabesimp]

Ik you're a kusahigu shipper and that's fine, but whats your opinion on kusahime?(kusakabe x utahime)

Hi, Anon! TYSM for your question! ^_^

While KusaHigu does take up 1000% of my brain cells, I am always always, always willing to talk about all things Kusakabe!!

I want to talk about the importance of ships (in general) first and then dive into your question after that.

No ship is somehow 'better' than any other. We all have different ships and opinions, and even within the same ship, there's a wide range of viewpoints. Every ship is valid and deserves to be enjoyed without judgment!! Our connections to these ships are deeply personal, and when people criticize them, it hurts because it feels like a criticism of who we are as individuals. But there will always be a community of people who love your ship as much as you do. So if you can, try to connect with them; they can become some of your closest friends and, more importantly, offer support if you run into negativity. Regardless of the pairing, ships are a beautiful part of our fandom experience.

I'd also like to add that Kusakabe has several pairings outside of KusaHigu.  I mean -- HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN HOLY SHIT.

KusaHime is one of those pairings, and I do see some reasons why it might work, but it isn't necessarily my jam. Keep in mind these are just my personal opinions. That doesn't mean that these things could not be seen from a different angle or that the ship would not work.  

Let's start with what they have in common:

>> Click more to read on to KusaHime <<

Honor: They both have a strong sense of honor. Though Kusakabe sometimes tries to mask it under indifference, he's shown time and time again that he'll defend, even lay down his life for those he loves. Though Utahime is soft-spoken, she does what is morally right even when she has to make a tough call—and she's had to make a few. And despite not being well-versed in combat, she doesn't hesitate to defend her kids.

They love their kids: I think this is pretty clear with Kusakabe. He's saved his babies on multiple occasions and becomes Kusakabe-Dad to all the kids after Shibuya. As a Dad, he teaches them that love is the most important lesson. (This is more of my personal HC, but I could write literal pages on it.) It's canon that all Utahime's students adore her; Gege has emphasized this many times. She teaches them personal confidence but also the importance of teamwork, which is uncommon in jujutsu society, where sorcerers are expected to rely solely on their own abilities.

Here are my thoughts on the opposite side of their commonalities:  

They don't have a relationship outside of work: Kusakabe works for Tokyo Jujutsu Tech, and Utahime works for Kyoto Jujutsu Tech. They do know each other, but likely just on a professional level. Because of their age difference, they didn't overlap in Tokyo, so their relationship wouldn't be as close as the one Utahime has with Shoko, Mei Mei, and Gojo.

Maximum Uzumaki: The story behind this pairing often revolves around Kusakabe protecting her from Maximum Uzumaki. Miwa was the initial target for this spell, and Utahime stepped in front of her and Momo before Kusakabe could reach them. While Atsuya ultimately saved all three of them, he knew that Miwa was the main target before he rushed head-first across the battlefield. Rather than Kusakabe protecting Utahime, both teachers were focused on protecting the children.

Utahime's absence: We don't see Utahime for a while after the Pseudo-Geto fight. While she and Gakuganji show up during the Gojo vs. Sukuna fight to provide defensive support, she's missing during the scenes where the sorcerers are planning strategies for the battle. This doesn't mean she wasn't involved in some way, but given that she wasn't there, her absence implies that she didn't have time to spend with Kusakabe.

So, to answer the question in a shorter way, KusaHime isn't my jam (not because I'm a KusaHigu shipper), but I see how the pairing is very popular.

I hope that helps answer your question, Anon. Thank you so much again for the comment! It's always fun to explore all things Kusakabe.  

[tacky-optic]

OK so i've been in this fandom for well over a year now (since the end of october, ew) and zenigata is still my favorite. so after all this time, i'm finally slapping down some of my thoughts about the version of the loud angry rectangle that runs around in my brain and this nightmare of a franchise in general. as a new year treat.

most of these have actually been in my notes since february or march, made as semi-sporadic thoughts while i trudged through the series. i wonder if it's obvious what installment i was watching/had in mind for each of these, lol. anyway i found these at the bottom of my lupin notes folder back in october, plopped them here, then forgot about them again, oops.

but they're here now! at the very end of 2023! under the cut! you can even read them, if you want!

zenigata is selfish. there is a genuine drive to help people and do what's right, but pursuing lupin specifically? 100% an ego thing. zenigata pursues lupin (the world's greatest criminal) because he feels like he's obligated to (as the greatest cop (and not that he necessarily thinks this about himself presently, but subconsciously)). it stopped purely being 'the right thing to do' after the amount of chases hit double digits -- probably even earlier than that.

so what does he really want to achieve here? who knows, because he sure as hell doesn't lololol.

but seriously tho. it's probably simple human connection. or acknowledgement. he's always operated on a different level from everyone else, likely to the point of boredom and/or unfulfillment, so once he comes across someone that might operate on a level higher than him, of course he gets obsessed. game recognizes game and it's liberating.

he's most likely used to "it's only a matter of time" and not much else, so i bet the realization that "it's gonna be tough to catch this guy, isn't it?" was exhilarating because he NEVER had to think that before. and honestly, good for him. he seemed to have been a different sort of miserable before, but at least this new version allows for some bouts of genuine enjoyment.

he had to have said "because i'm the only one who can" at LEAST once, right? which is true! he is the only one who can. that's why lupin keeps him around. zenigata is the single legitimate threat that lupin hadn't managed to get rid of/ sway to his side and that amuses him to no end. he really likes that stubborn old man. he's great.

it's obvious that his skills would be far more useful and impactful on literally any other criminal case, yet he ACTIVELY CHOOSES to allocate his time to chasing after someone who simply can't be caught. and what's even worse is that he IS the only person who can catch him, maybe even end it all for good, but it's reached a point where he simply doesn't WANT to, solely because the chase is THAT entertaining/enriching/compelling to him. calling it a compulsion is great, actually. he's obsessed, doomed by the narrative, consumed by his ideals, etc. etc, and he's completely trapped by cartoon logic. i doubt he knows anything else.

the dark infatuation is great and all, don't get me wrong, but i really enjoy those bouts where he kinda just exists. he's living his best life, candidly enjoying what's going on around him or the (comparatively) simpler aspects of his job, and all that stuff up top becomes irrelevant, at least for a little while. i don't think he's wholly doomed, per se, just that we won't be seeing an "after" for him in any official capacity. because again, cartoon logic. he's got a role to fill, even if it's an objectively shit one -- but he makes do, and the fact that he is allowed to do other things is enough for me.

y'know, in hindsight, i think the live-action show impacted how i view this guy the most. i really do believe he doesn't have to be defined by his role in lupin's story. at heart he's a chaser, a dreamer. he keeps trying, over and over, and despite everything, he hopes. if he was none of those things he wouldn't even be after lupin in the first place, or lupin would never recognize him as his true rival.

....maybe i'll actually manage to finish some of the wips i have about all that stuff one of these days, lol.

as far as other media goes: parts 1, 2 and 4, tokyo crisis, ep 0: first contact, g vs r, and fuma are all pretty high up there, too. maybe a smidge of koike if i'm feeling particularly angsty, but until zeni's title movie comes out i wouldn't put too much weight on that one.

i'd be remiss to talk about the guy's most popular pairing, right? i mean, i gotta. it's lowkey kinda wild how luzeni never fascinated me to a point where i'd feel compelled to write or draw much of anything for them. they're like, all the worst aspects of fujilup/jiglup smashed together lmao. THAT'S INSANE, THEY'RE INSANE TOGETHER AND IT'S SO GOOD. but nah, jigzeni. we'll, uh.... we'll leave that for later.

my guess is it's because the fandom satiated any itch for luzeni that would've been there otherwise, like, right off the bat. the fics alone are so incredible to me and have greatly impacted how i see zeni in their own right. i should really re-read some of them. and maybe you should too, so--

LIST JUMPSCARE!! i read all of these (and more!!) this year!! and yes, they all involve zenigata!! i don't half-ass this obsession, just like zeni lmao. just be mindful of ratings and tags, ofc. explicits are red but the rest is reader's discretion. and if by the incredibly slim chance any of the writers of these see this, thank you for sharing your works, they're really friggin cool B)

Knave of Diamonds/Thoughts May Dim/Under Your Hat

In The Margins Of Another Life

Sunrise, Sunset

Judo in the Schwarzwald

unsaid/lucky strike/cold hands

The Language of Flowers

With Enemies Like These/All Along The Watchtower/Fair Game

Friends Don't Let Friends Diss The Chef

Fates Entwined

The Many Deaths of Kōichi Zenigata

mean luzeni series/Secondhand Vanity

Disreputable Company

Smother Your Sorrow

Kintsugi/how to hit on Zenigata and not actually hit him

pour déplacer un autre/My Dear Icarus

Fifty-Two, No Longer Counting

Smoke and Moonlight/Off the Record

this doesn't even scratch the surface, hah. i think i might like to read but i can't be entirely sure.

my favorite part of this fandom is probably how moldable all of the characters are; you can pick and choose from so many different types of media and sculpt the finer details however you want, but at their cores the character's fundamentals still shine through. it's how we get those fics and fanarts and even text posts like these going on about headcanons. this cast feels like people that've taken on lives of their own outside of their (frankly problematic) source material and that's super neat.

so at the end of the day, there really is no definitive version of zenigata, or any of the others for that matter; just a handful of constants. all of those bits and pieces from up top are a part of my zeni, in one way or another -- but i like a dozen other zenigatas too, even ones that might go against those points. he's definitely been my favorite for a straight year for a reason. maybe one of these days i'll figure out how to actually finish a story all on my lonesome and you'll be able to see my version of him in action ;)

so that's that, i guess. here's to another year.... and hopefully more lupin content, lol. i might not trust tms but i trust the fandom. it's a small but strong and good one and i'm glad to be part of it, even if it isn't in the most active capacity.

anyway pls keep drawing zeni like twice the size of everyone else lmao. tms are cowards for giving him stick arms like lupin >:((

[cooki3face]

Hello! 👋🏾,

I’ve found your page a few days ago, and reading through your masterlist was the first time I’ve ever seen the term ‘Divine Feminine’.

Your messages and posts talking about Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine made me wonder if I was a DF myself. They were hitting spot on for me personally.

Let me tell ya, every since reading your posts, I’ve seen DF messages everywhere! I’m just gone assume that was the universe and my spirit guides confirming that I am indeed, a Divine Feminine.

I haven’t met my DM outside of my dreams and the 5D, yet.

I’ve been having dreams where he comes in them for about a few years now, and it makes me happy whenever he shows up.

Whenever we talk to each other in the 5D my  conscious mind isn’t allowed to remember or be there for those conversations.

I’ve always known I was connected to him in some way, but now I’m wondering if he might be my DM. I’d be fine if he wasn’t, it’s just that my connection to him is completely different from the other people that come in my dreams.

I wanna ask if it’s normal for me to go through periods of time, where I’m not feeling the need to reach out to him as much and be consumed with him.

Because I go through periods where I’m so enamored by him and just the thought of him makes me giddy and happy. I could literally sit and think about him all day.

But then randomly, I just stop thinking about him that much and he stops showing up in my dreams. During the down period, it’s almost as if he’s just another man, but in a familiar way? Kinda like after awhile of being close to someone it starts to feel like you just want to exist along side them instead of being consumed by them?

I’m trying so hard to put this feeing into words that are easy to comprehend.

It’s an off and on thing that’s been happening since 2019, I wanna say.

I’ve known about him since 2017, but I didn’t think anything of it until he randomly started popping up into my dreams in 2019 and hasn’t gone away since.

He is literally everywhere. He shows up no matter what I’m doing, someway and somehow he finds a way to pop back up.

It’s funny whenever he randomly shows up somewhere he shouldn’t be, in theory.

I think I’m rambling now, so I’ll try to wrap this up.

I’m asking if it’s normal for Divine pairings to go through this off and on, intense, visceral need to be entirely surrounded by each other, to not really reaching out to one another that much?

We are currently in one of those down time periods, so that made me start thinking.

Also, I have no idea what a Divine Feminine actually is, so if you feel comfortable with answering that as well, I’d like for you to explain that to me, please.

Thank you for answering, if you choose to. And even if you don’t answer, thank you for reading this anyway.

🤎

Beautiful questions, don’t worry about your questions being too long or feeling as though you’re inconveniencing me by asking long questions, you’re giving other people the opportunity to learn and giving me the opportunity to share with you. Only you know the answer the question on if he’s your divine masculine or divine counterpart or not and I believe that you know deep down inside. What you’re experiencing are no contact/separation periods and they are completely normal and a regular occurrence for those experiencing a twin flame connection or even a really high level soul connection. The periods of time where you don’t think of him as much are don’t feel as driven to communicate with him or be around him as much are normal and you may feel as though you don’t feel his energy at those times.

In my personal twin flame journey, during the early years of our connection, we would go our separate ways quite frequently, often times without any given reason at all and go off and live our lives for a while, be in different relationships, experience different experiences in our lives,, and there were times when we separated or went or separate ways due to disagreements or arguments but all in all when we came back to one another or reconciled again it was like we never left. The connection was just as strong if not more, the love never left.

There are times when divine counterparts go into separation and the desire to be with one another, be around one another, be consumed by one another,, is very real and very deep. You live, breathe, sleep, eat that person.

What is/who is divine feminine?

Divine feminine looks different and feels different for everyone or may differ significantly depending on who you ask. She can fall under so many different aspects, be presented and expressed in so many different ways. To put it simply and easily, divine feminine is the feminine aspect of the divine. The divine feminine is the yin/dark energy (darkness,passivity,gentleness, absorption, earth) the divine feminine energy has nothing to do with societal adaptations of what femininity is supposed to look like and has everything to do with energy so the energy of being, the energy of receiving or receptivity, the energy of resting, the energy of surrender, forgiveness, flow, trust, emotion, intuition, and sensuality.

So when we speak about the divine feminine vs the wounded feminine we see certain specific juxtaposition between the two. A wounded feminine energy may hold energies or things like being out of tune with oneself, repressed truth or repressed identity, feeling unworthy or insecure or having low self esteem, holding onto feelings of guilt or shame, not being able to set strong boundaries or hold oneself to high regard or express yourself in such a way in which you know you deserve good things and are open to receiving them. You may also see things like codependency and being dependent on something or someone outside of oneself to make them feel whole, feel good about themselves or make them feel safe or secure. When someone suffers from wounded feminine energy, the authentic (feminine) core,spirit or essence of someone is disabled from being able to be fully embraced and expressed.

Here are some beautiful chakra/archetype charts for feminine energies:

[corgibardballads]

Foulques, man. He was my first taste of what FF14 was going to do to me.

Foulques. Holy shit. Foulques really changed my outlook of Final Fantasy 14. MMO stories usually play it pretty safe when it comes to characters. For story longevity you don’t really want to have to hard commit to big character decisions. So I was pretty shocked when, at only level 30, they committed to killing a character that felt like was being set up as a much bigger story. Really? At level 30? I guess the game is really gonna fuck around and find out with my emotions then. It set the tone of the story for me, I started going into every quest with the thought that no character other than my WoL was safe. But I’ll backup. I think most people can agree that the story quests for the initial classes are… uh… well they exist. I can hardly even remember most of them. Generally I only see people actively remembering two: Rogue and Lancer. The rogues’ guild was quirky, but I honestly didn’t think the actual story was great. It was more the theme and dialogue that made it memorable. The Lancers guild story was unique in that it felt more connected to real world problems than other guilds. Right outside the darn guild you see how Gridanians treat Duskwight elezen of darker skintones. Gelmorra is so destitute that Duskwights resort to thievery. Too proud to ask for help from those they feel abandoned by and too poor to try and turn it all around on their own. A stereotype. A bad reputation. And Foulques just embodies the result of that hatred. Now this is all just wild speculation and me replaying it 20 times and being sad. Foulques doesn't even seem to really know what he wants. He claims he wants control of the Lancer's Guild but he doesn't really have any endgame. He boasts and berates all to hide his fear. But you? You immediately embody what he wants to be. That fearlessness. A mere novice but even Ywain is starting to respect you. So he takes you as his most promising "student". It seemed like it had no purpose. So it always made me wonder if really he was begging you without asking to help him. Frantically trying to prove to you that Ywain and the guild were wrong and bad. The more he failed to do so the more he panicked. And in the end he failed you too, as a mentor. He froze in fear at the Lord of the Bramble Patch while you stood bravely in front of him. It seemed like something in him just broke. He had nothing to offer you and no way forward to convince you to his side. He just snaps. Getting a bunch of novices seriously injured is just the last straw. By the time you find him he's just mad with fear. Broken and humiliated. He's barely even making sense. But in between it all he tells you story of being poor and destitute in the Lancer's Guild. That when he and his mates stole and got caught they just turned on him. It's the Duskwight. It's always the Duskwight. He's abandoned and thrown away, no one cares about Foulques. So he nearly kills himself to be stronger and it wasn't enough.

I was upset by the ending. It just seemed so wrong. Even in his last moments, he's reaching out to you. You may just be the only person who ever just listened to him. And it just sours your whole experience with the guild. Ywain may not literally be a bad guy but his dismissal of Foulques' issues then and now directly contributed to everything. A decent person can make shit decisions.  I remember thinking if the both of us had reached out to Foulques, just tried, it could have made all the difference. It just seemed to unfair. And that made it a great story and easily one of my favorite class/job quests. Of course it doesn't help that Foulques was one the few darker skinned Duskwights we even interact with. Considering what happens in the following Dragoon quests, I always secretly hold out hope he will one day come back.

[mask131]

Dante’s Hell: Three rings to damn them all

XII) The Seventh Circle: Violence

Upon leaving the Sixth Circle, Dante and Virgil descend a landslide similar to the one caused by an earthquake or an erosion, a ruined slide that connects the Sixth and the Seventh Circle. Before, the connections between the Circle was no specified (Dante passing out in one Circle due to intense emotion and then waking up in the next, transported by Virgil), or merely described vaguely as a rocky slope like this one – but here Virgil takes his time to explain the reason why there is such a landslide between the Circles. Virgil notably says that the first time he did the full Hell travel, per the witch Erichtho’s command (I forgot to mention Erichto or Erichtho is actually a character from Lucan’s Pharsalia), the rocks between the Circles weren’t destroyed like that – in fact, this landslide was caused when Christ went into Hell and caused the great Harrowing of Hell. As Jesus took away most of the souls from the First Circle, the entirety of Hell was shaken – and in several places the rock of the “stanching abyss” that is Hell broke into pieces. This slope, as well as others connecting the Circles, were thus caused by the Harrowing.

On the slope connecting the Sixth and Seventh Circle, they are met face to face with the Minotaur from Greek mythology – here still a half-human half-bull monster, but possessed by such a rage he became literally insane, making him constantly twitch, contort and bite his own flesh in rage. Virgil briefly distracts the Minotaur’s mad anger with some references to Theseus, which sends the beast into a self-harming rage, and meanwhile Dante and Virgil run while the creature is blinded by his own anger. For you see, this circle is the Circle of Violence. Remember when I said that in Lower Hell the sins here are those of Malice? Well, there are two ways to make Malice: one is through Fraud, but since Fraud is a form of sin “exclusive to man” it is corresponding to the lower circles ; the first circle of Malice is thus for the other way of committing evil – Violence.

Now, at this point we reach such a level of complexity in human evil that the lower circles are themselves divided into sub-parts. Most notably the Seventh Circle, Violence, is divided into three Rings or Rounds, to represent the three “persons” Violence can be used against.

A) Violence Against the Neighbor

The first Ring is the one where are sent those who were violent “against their neighbor”, aka violent against other people – either violent against the other person’s very self, by wounding, harming, murdering others ; either violent against other people’s goods and belongings, through arsons, theft, devastation, plunder… In short this Ring is for all the homicides, all the pillagers, all the destroyers. Their punishment is to be plunged into a river of boiling blood (here the reinterpretation of the Greek underworld river of the Phlegethon), and guarded by centaurs (THE Centaurs of Greek mythology, as names like Chiron, Nessus and Pholus are talked about). Armed with bows, their role is to shoot down any of the damned that try to escape the river of boiling water – as well as those that try to escape their “level of guilt”. Because you see, depending on the seriousness of your sin, you are assigned a particular level in the river of boiling blood – for example the tyrants who caused massive bloodshed and pillages are plunged in the boiling blood up to their eyelids, while simple murders will rather have the blood to their chest or throat, and the lesser of the violent souls just have the blood up to their ankles (the river basically makes a full circle, with one side shallow to the point there is even a small earth bridge you can cross, and the other very deep). If a soul ever tries to get above their assigned “blood level”, the centaurs will shoot them down with arrows until they get back to their proper level (and a centaur’s arrow can actually SPLIT YOUR HEAD IN TWO, so be careful). We find again the contrapasso here – those that shed blood are now bathing/drowning in it for all of eternity.

The centaurs are actually quite nice and decent denizens of Hell, who agree to carry Dante and Virgil across their Ring to the next: the Second Ring.

B) Violence Against the Self

The Second Ring is a dense, thick, dark forest, all black, where the trees have no colors, no fruits, no leaves, just twisted and entangled branches with poisonous thorns. Dante hears the wails of the damned sinners around him, but cannot see them – Virgil tells him to break a little branch off one of the trees, and as Dante does, the broken branch starts to bleed and the tree starts speaking. As it turns out, the sinners ARE the trees. For you see, the Second Ring is the one of the Violent against the Self. Aka, those that harmed, wounded and destroyed their own body. Aka, suicide. Their punishment is to be sent into this Ring – but without one of those empty shade-humanoid body, those half-material human-imitating bodies. The souls of the suicide rather “grow” in the Second Ring as those black, twisted trees and have to wait there, unable to move or to talk – unless someone or something breaks their branches or claws at their trunk, or causes any sort of damage to them, in which case not only do they feel pain as is they had a human body, but also briefly regain the ability speak in order to cry and wail. This punishment is still part of the contrapasso principle: as the suicide rejected and destroyed their human body while on Earth, in Hell they are denied the right to have one, and are given a new, inhuman body, the one of a tree, that deprives them of all the good things a human body brings (like movement and speech), while leaving them with only the worst part of having a body (pain). The woods are notably home to a specific time of demonic creatures whose job is to inflict damage and pain on the trees: the Harpies from Greco-Roman mythology, who “nest” in the branches of the Wood of Suicides – described as creatures with wide wings, human necks and faces, clawed feet, and fat, feathered bellies.

You might notice that there is a lot of half-human half-beasts entities in this Circle: the Minotaur, the Centaurs, the Harpies… And this is done on purpose, to show how violence reduces humanity to a mere beast. We also get a quite depressing info concerning the soul of the suicides: upon Judgement Day, unlike all the others dead, the suicides will not get their human, material body back, because they rejected it definitively by killing themselves. They are cursed to stay as inhuman shades forever, even at the end of times…

Interestingly, there is a second group of souls/sinners in this Ring. The same way the Violent against the Neighbor/the Other could damage other people’s bodies or goods, here Dante makes a distinction between the self-harm and self-violence against the body (suicide) and the one against one’s belongings… This second group is a bit harder to understand: they are the Profligates. Those that wasted their wealth away in an act of material self-destruction. They can sound similar to the Prodigal of Greed, but unlike the Prodigals who squandered and wasted their money out of greed and an obsessive love for material goods, the Profligates are rather the being who dissipated their goods for the simple desire to cause wreckage and disorder, or those who squandered their belongings out of not caring or valuing their possessions as they should have (the same way the suicides disregarded their self and their bodies). It is basically an indirect form of auto-destruction, which unlike the mere “wastefulness” of the Prodigals, has a true violence to it, the idea of a rapid, intense, violent consumption of goods for the sake of losing or destroying said goods, rather than wasting and spending a lot in the hope of any material gain. To give you an idea of what these souls are, we are named two of them. One is Lano of Siena, who was known as a heavy spender, a spendthrift who lost all of his fortune to the point, to avoid the dishonor of poverty, he decided to engage himself as a soldier, in a battle that his home-city lost to a rival army and where he found his death – it is said that, as they understood that the battle was lost, most soldiers fled for their life, but not Lano who stayed and kept fighting until his death because he knew he had nothing to return to but misery, and so preferred to die on battle, even if it was for a lost cause. The other is Giacomo of Saint-Andrea, who was known for foolishly wasting his money away – one notorious anecdote about him is how he invited high-standing guests to his countryside house for an evening party, but upon realizing he didn’t had the means to host a luxurious and lavish party to honor his guest, he rather preferred to burn down his whole countryside house to avoid the shame of being a poor host.

Their punishment is different from the suicides: they rather are constantly running through the thorny woods, naked and gashed, fleeing from two ravenous black she-dogs that, if they ever catch them, rip them to pieces. [The “black bitches” or black she-dogs of the Second Circle have been interpreted in various ways: for some they embody the constant threat of debt, ruin and poverty that hunt the Prodigals ; for others they are the conscience and remorse these self-destructors try to flee from; for others yet they are just manifestation of Violence itself].*

C) Violence Against God

There are three persons against which one can use Violence, and the third one is actually a triple person. God, Nature and the Art. Get ready, we are in for philosophical talks!

The Third Ring of the Seventh Circle is a great sand waste, a desert without plants, a dry and thick sand with as its only liquid source a stream of boiling blood (flowing from the First Ring down into the lower circles). And upon this “sandland” there is what could be taken as a snowstorm… if the snowflakes were actually “fire flakes”. It is basically a slow rain of large flakes made of fire, falling flames that explode into sparks upon touching the sand and burn the flesh they fall onto. Dante and Virgil have to walk on the stone banks of the blood-stream to avoid the burning sands, as they walk by they see the sinners here are divided into three groups.

Some sinners are lying on the ground, on their back, their faces against the fire-fall: those are the Blasphemers. Others are walking, wandering, running aimlessly through the desert without ever stopping: they are the Sodomites. And some are rather crouching on the sand, huddling and weeping – they are the Usurers. Now to understand this trio of sinners, Dante gives us a philosophico-theological explanation. This Ring is about those that were violent against God – and the Blasphemers are the most direct example, being those that cursed or insulted God. But Dante recognizes two other concepts/entities that being violent against means being violent against God: Nature and Art. Nature is, well, nature, which is identified as the “child” of God, because God created the natural world as it is, according to His will and desire, and being violent against Nature is being violent against God’s very project. This is why the Sodomites are here: their sexual relationships were unnatural ones, going against the natural ways of reproducing and having sex. [As a note here, too many people think “sodomy” was an old word for homosexuality. It was not. Yes “sodomy” was the crime of the gay men in the Middle-Ages and the like… But “sodomy” could also be practiced by heterosexual couples, who were shamed and punished just as much as homosexual ones. Because the true meaning of sodomy is literally “having sex by another other means than by the so-called natural ways of sexuality and reproduction”. Aka, not having sex that is a man’s genitalia getting into a woman’s genitalia. Any other form of sexuality was considered “sodomy” and a crime going against the natural ways and God’s designs for humanity.]

As for Art, it is not just “art” as we understand it, but also crafts and techniques in general – and Dante, reusing the old Greek concept that true Art imitates Nature as best as it can, claims that Art is the last member of the “divine family”, being the “grandchild” of God and “child of Nature” – and one can be Violent Against Art. Which is the position of the Usurers here, who are extremely reviled because they are actually doubly violent, against both Art and Nature. Art and Nature were considered to be the two legitimate sources of wealth – natural resources, and human labor/work/activity. But usury, for those of you that don’t know, is basically lending money to people, but with extremely high interest rates – meaning the loan resulted always in the person receiving the money having to pay much more back than what they were given. Usury was considered a big crime in medieval and Renaissance society, as it was basically extortion and parasitism, a way to steal money from people in a semi-legal way using the loan system ; a way to get rich on the other people’s poverty, and thus is was condemned as much by the religion as by law – and Dante here condemns it as a Violence Against Nature (because it is getting money not by exploiting the natural resources, but by exploiting other people) and it is a Violence Against Art (because it is not working to get money, not producing anything to get money, but becoming rich on the work of others and multiplying money by money).  In fact, the very sand of the desert here represents the sterility of their actions in life – as the Blasphemers cursed and insulted a God who is infinitively more good, just and powerful than them ; the Sodomites used sexual acts that could not produce a natural reproduction (that was the big thing of the Christian Church, sex was only here for reproduction, not for pleasure, PLEASURE IS EVIL but babies are goods, which is why the Church was so strongly opposed to contraception for a very long time) ; and the Usurers got rich by not creating or making anything, and by basically not doing anything.

[Random trivia: the sins of sodomy and usury here are placed in parallels by Dante as both being sins associated with a city. The sin of sodomy is the “sin of Sodom”, a reference to the dual cities of Sodom and Gomorrah in the Ancient Testament, who were said to have depraved sexual practices. The very word “sodomy” comes from the legend of Sodom, destroyed by God for its malicious and vile practices, but in the Ancient Testament the sin of Sodom is not actually spelled out as homosexuality – the actual sin of Sodom is that the citizens of the city had the habit of gang-raping every newcomer to the city… As for usury, Dante calls it the “sin of Cahors”, which was a city of Southern France famous for being filled with usurers, to the point that in medieval Italy an usurer was called a “caorsino”.]

[Another note: All throughout Dante’s Inferno, there is a constant theme of the loss of identity and individuality. This shows notably here with the Usurers, who can only be recognized by the crests on the moneybags they wear around their necks, but it popped up in other passages throughout the poem – damned souls regularly being said to be unrecognizable due to the state they are in (naked, wounded, covered in mud…) or due to their intense emotions disfiguring them (pain, anger, sorrow…). For example, when Dante met Ciacco, a contemporary of his, in the Circle of the Gluttony, Dante had to ask him who he was while Ciacco recognized Dante immediately – because the pain and suffering of Ciacco had made him unrecognizable.]

Virgil explains at this point the source and origin of all the rivers of the afterlife, which are said to all come from a gigantic statue of an old man somewhere on the island of Crete. From this statue bleed different flows of liquids, that form the rivers of the afterlife: the Lethe (which is only found in Purgatory), and the three rivers of Hell (Acheron between the Vestibule and First Circle, Styx of the Fifth Circle surrounding the Walls of Dis), and Phlegethon (the blood river of the Seventh Circle). In the Lower Circles, all three rivers then fuse together into one last body of infernal water – the Cocytus Lake, at the bottom of Hell. In fact, at the end of the Seventh Circle, at the edge above the dark abyss leading to the lower Circles, our duo saws a huge, rushing waterfall, so loud they can’t even speak to each other – a waterfall falling down to the end of Hell…

XIII) Geryon

Between the Seventh and Eighth Circle, there is no actual passage by which the protagonists can go on their own. No slope, no river – just a steep abyss. They can’t just jump into the bottomless darkness of course – Virgil has to throw a rope into the shadowy void below them to warn the creature in charge of transporting them to the next Circle… Geryon.

Geryon was a giant of Greek mythology, but Dante reinvents him completely as a monster of Hell. Dante’s Geryon is a monstrous beast big enough to take the two men on his back – his  serpentine body is covered in "arabesques and curlicues" richer in color than any "Turk and Tartar fabric", and has two clawed paws “hairy up to the armpits”. His head is the one of an honest man, with an expression of kindness and benevolence on his face, but his twitching tail ends up with a venomous scorpion-stinger, for Geryon is the very embodiment of the sin punished in the next Circle: Fraud, Deceit. Climbing on the monster’s back in such a way that its tail cannot sting to death Dante (because despite obeying Virgil's orders, he is still a treacherous demon), Geryon then carries them down the abyss, “swimming” in the air, and flowing down the void like an eel in the sea, circling again and again “like a falcon in the sky” to reach the Eighth Circle.

[selfawxre]

god i am just having so many thoughts abt monika and how literally every video essay on ddlc gets her WRONG

" she's a psychopathic / evil villain yandere " " she MURDERS her FRIENDS to DATE you " you people are all missing the point SO HARD

monika is inherently a tragic character above all else - she's an ai, given sentience as part of an experiment, or (if you choose to ignore the ddlc+ lore) a video game character given sentience and as such trapped in said game. upon realising that she is the only being with her level of intelligence in her world, she strives to find a way to reach out and interact with someone, anyone.

thus, she creates the mc.

it's specifically stated in ddlc+ that the mc is a creation of monika - that's why he has zero sprites, a rapidly fluctuating personality based on which girl he's talking to, and in general just doesn't feel Real. sure, that can be said for any dating sim protagonist, but it's extra prominent in ddlc - the mc is solely a vessel for you, the player, and he was created by monika because she is desperate for any form of connection.

saying she's heartless or cruel for what she does to the other girls ( or that it's solely out of selfishness and a want to get closer to the player ) is also just blatantly false when you remember that the other girls aren't real the way monika is ( at least in the narrative - she is still very much fictional too. ) her situation is comparable to the truman show a bit - she's the only "real" one, the only one aware of her surroundings. sure, the other girls interact with her in the context of the game, and her manipulation of their code drives them to do things she doesn't even seem to expect, but they're still working off a script, like actors.

another thing that people forget is that monika's love for the player is borne out of what you represent to her, not actually you as a person. how can it be - she doesn't know anything about you, really. she knows your name from your files for a spooky little jumpscare in act 3, but that can be whatever you set it as on the platform you play the game on. the main thing that attracts her to you is that you're a real person, someone she can actually connect with. it's why her song is called "your reality" - she doesn't actually have romantic feelings to the player, she wants to exist in a world where she's not completely alone - being in a dating sim, it's thematic that she describes her love as romantic. she tries to escape the game midway through act 2 if you're in full-screen (the bluescreen scare literally says "DDLC escape plan" on it) and barely anybody acknowledges it because it's so easy to miss.

from the beginning, she's trying desperately to make you see that she knows she's in a game without actually outright saying it - from her day 2 talk about her " epiphany ", her poems being specifically about that, to the many comments she makes about the game. i also like the tidbit that she's the one to give you game tips, but also doesn't seem to be aware of it? it makes sense because in the context of the game, she's the side-character there to facilitate your routes with the other girls, the unattainable club president who gives you tips and isn't actually romanceable. And it fucking kills her, because it limits the amount of time she has to get through to you. This is what leads her to change the other girls' code, not because she's a " yandere " ( if you want a character who fits that trope, look no further than ms "knife collector" "i want to peel open your skin and crawl inside you" yuri herself!!! ) .

[cosmik-homo]

hi :) i would like to hear about 2s physical/social presentation if you fancy👀 :)

I CANNOT be coherent atm and i am doing this rocket speed cuz i need to go to slepe but

Its like. sooo gender dyspraxia to me. which is how i refer to the ways dyspraxia kind of effects my sense of self like. my own personal philosophy recently is. I'm gonna use a weird example cuz it's partially when i codified this thought but one time I was having lunch on an airplane. I know as someone with dyspraxia eating in a very limmited physical space- and rice, with a fork- while having a drink can open- is going ot be a careful buisness so i start setting up carefully everything as i want it and then im like hey, what the fuck. im already at this point, right, and i add to it an honestly black-and-white movie style, donald duck style, spread paper towl and excited hand rub in my seat, right? you get to the door of the clownhood. go in.

and it's like. I'm sooo obsessed with the bow tie that's just a cloth bow held to the shirt with a safety pin. that IS what gender dyspraxia is like. the signifyer and the act of the signifier are seperate things and the act is A Whole Thing I Can't Quite Do so i'm doing away with it, all i need is the symbol anyways. and with a bow tie! a symbol of, like,

Quirky Officialness, right, this IS an "im being somewhat serious here", its not casual. but the complete disregard to the. tying of the bow tie and the proper form of it and the, yknow. all he wants and needs is a floppy little bow cuz he's not doing this to be looked at, hes doing this cuz he wants to wear one. and that's an aspect i think really brings the final balance to the whole. "silly and smart and playing the fool and also an idiot" web. he straight up doesnt, care about dignity or respect as much and in the way some other incarnations of the doctor do- especially one or three. hes not really bothering making many shows of force he doesnt want to; he isn't trying to impress anyone; literally look at Power Of The Daleks. "how do we know you are the real doctor?" asks ben. "are you the real examiner?" ask the people finding out he isnt. "lmao. lol" says two, trying to focus on the daleks.

so it's like the thing with the whole. Modus Oparendai, clever clown, is it afacade blah blah is that Outward Wise he's just chilling and much prefers outlandish disguises/ overdoing roles (war games commander impersonation?) to actually trying to ever adjust his Real self to a situation. he Wont mask any of his goofy and if a situation needs Something Else he won't fold on that, he'll just go in a new direction.

and THEN the other half of the equation is his, negotiation-y, people-y attitude to problemsolving, which shows quite well in the three doctors and enemy of the world but i think is most, summarized with "Human beings, jamie, are always in reach of other human beings". he Interacts with the enemy, either to bring them to his side and try to solve problems interpersonally- his soft demeanor with ben in macraterror is suchhh a moment for me- or to learn them/ their weakness, to connect with them to put ideas in their heads or decieve them. and since being underestimated - or correctly estimated for his physical capability which i feel a lot of DW media does accept as Lesser Than Later Doctors- i mean this positively im cheering and clapping- WORKS to gurther his methods, and being regarded as soft frivolous harmless clown man works for Good connections too- earning peoples trust and the likes, as well as like. bonding with victoria after she just lost her family. Surprise Child Aqquisition. the lines betweeen being yourself + (On Purpose) sometimes blur.

but yeah in macra terror he is like WHO has EVER needed shined shoes ew. so i think theres definitely osme Autism as well on the comfort level; he likes the same kind of clothes and they need to be comfy to him but also there is a whole, idea connection to it. hes chasing fun hats, yknow? he wants to enjoy the way he is in the world and the way he presents and he will learn to work with or around what people think.

[lesbianmarrow]

irritated by the way the conflict between gwyn and ava played out in legends of tomorrow 7.10. exploring gwyn’s conviction that he doesn’t deserve to be with the man he loves bc he is gay and is therefore defying god’s will is so good. especially because literally no main character on this show has been shown to struggle with any kind of internalized homophobia before. it makes sense to pair him with ava for this episode since ava is also gay but has never had any kind of internal conflict over that. this is the kind of thing i would have loved to see more on legends of tomorrow, is the gay characters on the show encountering gay people from other time periods and seeing how things are different for them. 

but this subplot in this episode doesn’t work i think because ava doesn’t really try to connect to gwyn using the language or logic that he understands? she just kind of says her own opinions at him. which is sweet i guess but i don’t buy that it would be effective. like if someone says “god hates me bc i am gay” you don’t say “no he doesn’t tho” like that is just not taking their concerns seriously.....like youre basically saying “youre wrong and i’m right” and that helps nobody. and like, ava can have trouble relating to others sometimes and seeing things from other people’s perspectives, so i can believe that she would make this mistake, but my problem is that the show validates her approach and depicts it as effective when i really dont think it would be. 

what also bothers me about the way the subplot plays out is that it just feels incredibly shallow. like for ava the conflict really is just that she feels bad for this guy, and it’s textured by the fact that she’s gay too and that she’s not even sure she can save his beloved, but still it feels shallow!!! it’s not really about her in any meaningful way. and it should be. the conflict should be revealing something about ava just as it is revealing something about gwyn. but it’s not really showing us any side of her that we havent already see before. there’s no subtlety or subtext in the way she tells him that love is love and he deserves to be loved. there’s no depth there. it’s not even like she has struggled with the same doubts, because we know she hasn’t. it honestly kind of just feels like lazy storytelling? 

a way to add depth and make it more personal for ava in a way that might be more effective at reaching gwyn could be for ava to tell him about how she once thought she was destined to be alone after she found out that she was a clone, and so she purposefully pushed away someone she loved, but it turned out to be the wrong choice. or she could tell him about how she was never designed to love, but she did anyway, and it changed her life for the better! then it becomes about ava empathizing with gwyn on a very real level even though there are many aspects of his upbringing and life experience that are totally different from hers. and it shows gwyn that his doubts and struggles are not totally unique and there might be more possibilities for him than he had realized before. i just ask for a crumb of depth a mere crumb i tell you