#once again thinking about the quote ive posted twice about

[chompe-diem]

man did brian murphy manage to nail my type in blorbos……

[esther-dot]

why do u think grrm smiled and said "doesn't it?" when a fan asked if lady’s death meant that sansa had ceased to be a stark?

I couldn't find an official source for this quote, it popped up on Reddit in a few places, but it looks like this is the source for it:

We've had these debates before about whether Sansa's actions truly resulted in her losing her wolf and father. And whether losing Lady symbolized her ceasing to be a true Stark. In fact, we've had this debate in front of GRRM twice. The first time was in St Louis in 2001 while at dinner. GRRM let us debate, smiling and nodding here and there. He also told us why he created Sansa in the first place, because there is always someone in a family that the others don't get along with. He was a bit coy in answering our questions but in the end he did indicate that Sansa did have responsibility for Lady's and Ned's deaths. I reported this to the board and I recall it being dismissed by some. I distinctly recall someone saying, "Well what I think he really meant to say was..." The second time we had this discussion was in Indy in 2007. There was a boarder there that didn't believe that Sansa's losing Lady symbolized her not being a Stark anymore. The person said so in front of GRRM and GRRM smiled and said, "Doesn't it?" (link)

When they say he smiled, was Martin merely smiling to be nice in a social situation? Was he laughing at them for missing the point? Was he happy that one person understood what he had written? I don't think this description really tells me enough to know what to make of Martin's intent. Presenting a question to someone is about forcing them to think, not necessarily a Statement of your own beliefs, it also can be used to deflect/provide a non-answer, and that seems to be the case here. That post doesn't tell me much at all, tbh, certainly not enough to make me question what did or did not happen in the books.

Is your attention being drawn to some culpability on Sansa's part in these passages?

They were all staring at him, but it was Sansa's look that cut. "She is of the north. She deserves better than a butcher." He left the room with his eyes burning and his daughter's wails echoing in his ears, and found the direwolf pup where they chained her. Ned sat beside her for a while. "Lady," he said, tasting the name. He had never paid much attention to the names the children had picked, but looking at her now, he knew that Sansa had chosen well. She was the smallest of the litter, the prettiest, the most gentle and trusting. She looked at him with bright golden eyes, and he ruffled her thick grey fur. Shortly, Jory brought him Ice. (AGOT, Eddard III)

So he listened, and she told it all, from the fire in the library tower to Varys and the guardsmen and Littlefinger. And when she was done, Eddard Stark sat dazed beside the table, the dagger in his hand. Bran's wolf had saved the boy's life, he thought dully. What was it that Jon had said when they found the pups in the snow? Your children were meant to have these pups, my lord. And he had killed Sansa's, and for what? Was it guilt he was feeling? Or fear? If the gods had sent these wolves, what folly had he done? (AGOT, Eddard IV)

If Martin wanted to write the blame on Sansa, he could have. Instead, he emphasizes Sansa and Lady's innocence, their trusting nature, how they were betrayed:

Sansa begs for Lady as she begs for herself, but it is futile. These words: “She was the smallest of the litter, the prettiest, the most gentle and trusting” (AGOT, Eddard III) may just as easily have been written about Sansa. Lady calmly looks up at Ned never expecting that he would kill her, and Sansa believed Joffrey’s promise to spare Ned. Both Lady and Sansa’s trust was used against them: “Once she had loved Prince Joffrey with all her heart, and admired and trusted his mother, the queen. They had repaid that love and trust with her father's head. Sansa would never make that mistake again.” (ACOK, Sansa I) Ned looked into Lady’s eyes and killed her, Joffrey looked into Sansa’s eyes and took Ned’s head. Is the point that Lady was stupid for trusting Ned, or that Ned was wrong to take an innocent life, to participate in an unjust act? That Robert was wrong for commanding it? Is the point that Sansa is stupid? Or that Joffrey and Cersei wronged her? (link)

So, I don't know what to say about what that conversation with Martin, I don't know what preceded his response or followed it. I only know what he wrote in the books, and imo, it isn't what the poster believes it to be. Instead of Martin saying Sansa is less of Stark, I think he has taken pains to associate Sansa and the North, not merely through her longing to return home, her love of the cold and snow, her scene of rebuilding Winterfell, the prophecy of her returning North and exacting justice for all of LF's crimes against her family, but also through what her she endures:

People who say that need to contrast the thrill of reading this:  "The King in the North!" "The King in the North!" "THE KING IN THE NORTH!" (AGOT, Catelyn XI) with this "The gown had long sleeves to hide the bruises on her arms. Those were Joffrey's gifts as well. When they told him that Robb had been proclaimed King in the North, his rage had been a fearsome thing, and he had sent Ser Boros to beat her." (ACOK, Sansa I) The author wrote the birth of the independent North in bruises on her skin. Martin tied Sansa to the North's fate but instead of giving her the glory, he made her pay for it. While Robb and the North fight on a battlefield, it is Sansa’s body men seek to claim in order to secure the North. (link)

I think Sansa will have great importance to House Stark and the North in the future, her freedom will align with theirs, and I'm not sure why Cersei being evil and Robert being a weak, unjust king, is Sansa's fault. And, it will always fascinate me that so many fans have read this passage:

"Surely you did not think I'd forgotten about your sweet innocent, my lord? The queen most certainly has not." "No," Ned pleaded, his voice cracking. "Varys, gods have mercy, do as you like with me, but leave my daughter out of your schemes. Sansa's no more than a child." "Rhaenys was a child too. Prince Rhaegar's daughter. A precious little thing, younger than your girls. She had a small black kitten she called Balerion, did you know? I always wondered what happened to him. Rhaenys liked to pretend he was the true Balerion, the Black Dread of old, but I imagine the Lannisters taught her the difference between a kitten and a dragon quick enough, the day they broke down her door." Varys gave a long weary sigh, the sigh of a man who carried all the sadness of the world in a sack upon his shoulders. "The High Septon once told me that as we sin, so do we suffer. If that's true, Lord Eddard, tell me … why is it always the innocents who suffer most, when you high lords play your game of thrones? Ponder it, if you would, while you wait upon the queen. And spare a thought for this as well: The next visitor who calls on you could bring you bread and cheese and the milk of the poppy for your pain … or he could bring you Sansa's head. (AGOT, Eddard XV)

only to walk away from AGOT thinking that the author wants us to blame Sansa for the things she has suffered.

[s0lar-ch3ri]

i make a new theory post on a frog (psoilers ahead)

with theories such as felipe is evil and/or working with niklaus:

(post from aethlingg, his post can be found here! note: after research they no longer do jrwi content but rather qsmp content [specifically q!bbh and q!forever from what i noticed! theyre still very cool so go follow him [heres to hoping ik how he/they pronouns works btw])

(post from redcloverf3y, their post can be found here! i cannot find if they still do post jrwi and just talk about other fandoms rn, but nonetheless go follow them!)

(post from razberrypuck, its post can be found here! they def are still into jrwi from their lil bio and shit, but theres also others things they post, like q!charlie [or qsmp in general] and stuff, follow it too!)

to theories of what demon actually got felipe:

(post by pulchrasilva, their post [correct the pronouns if im wrong, i couldnt find anything on the blog] can be found here! considering how five or so minutes ago they made a jrwi post, they def still talk about it, as well as other things, go follow them!)

to even some on felipe BEING niklaus (which i reblogged and stuff):

(post is from aethlingg again, this one can be found here! for once i cant get a full image because its a long one but ill be talking bout my tags on it too)

theres been 2 posts on how felipe wasnt the culprit (heres one by wrinklemcdinkle) (heres another by ralexsol) ive seen, so im throwing my own theory into the mix: the demon is kuba kenta and kk (or mr. kenta) has relations to both niklaus hendrix AND the compass. lets get into it!

lets start with the tags i wanted to use (i found they werent actually on the felipe is nk post, but rather on the second felipe is being framed post i linked)! theres a couple details here i mention but why do i say kuba in particular?

the only person who could actually have something against gillion straight up is jayson ferin, mainly cause he got stabbed by him twice, but jayson isnt a demon! you know who is a demon though? kuba kenta. so for jayson, mr kenta was the perfect way.

as for felipe's escape, the rope was burnt, correct? who has fire powers again? mr ferin. when felipe was being investigated or whatever, kuba contacted jayson and he got him out of there, leaving there be reason to assume felipe was dragged to hell.

yes i do think felipe was controlled by kuba to hurt gillion, it plugs up some plot holes thats for sure. so how would felipe been target if he only pulled the card the next day? because felipe probably was a target since he was born.

its important to point out the compass not only having effects like kk's scratches do (give nightmares, cause physical reactions/changes, etc), but a similar color pattern to both niklaus and felipe. (pointed out by several people before me, like aethlingg in his actual essay about evil felipe working with niklaus shown above) another interesting detail is the nk tattoo is used with a moon attached, felipe's choice of goddess to worship. he immediately finds a friendship with chip when about 4 eps ago, niklaus had been given a stick by chip (important cause of how it was harder to spy on niklaus since the stick was in his room and stuff before, i think itd also add in an idea of "greater connection with the person" and stuff). i could go on and on abotu their connections.

lets get back to the connection of niklaus and kuba. how would they even have met? probably something like chip did for his deal. as the quote above shows (found from the post by redcloverf3y, heres another link to it), people who have that desire for their goals will find him, not those who look for it. why would kuba need to strike a deal with desire daddy? because how else would he be able to use felipe. theres no way the curse would change the free will of felipe (it didnt do that for chip or gillion), so if he wants felipe to be a better puppet, he needs something to interfer with that. niklaus and kuba cut that deal, and felipe doesnt lose that curse on him, well to the others. kuba wouldnt have been able to give felipe the nightmares, anytime we see him hes with the three, so someone would have seen him get scratched! even if he got scratched in the couple months before they met him (cause felipe was six months old, not a couple days), the scars dont fade, rather theres the black ooze to them that burns, making it not a forgetable thing.

speaking of that, lets move onto the daggers situation. why the fuck would a tour guide have such dangerous daggers, poisonous ones to be exact (i heard it had poison effects somewhere, but sadly cannot find any info about that)? felipe has no need for poison daggers! he literally can spit acid! that means its only being used for its forgetfulness, which doesnt make too much sense to me since its not like being stabbed isnt just something you remember but theres the fucking pain of it too (example being, when i was younger and we were in the car getting ready to leave some place, there was this like tightness on my foot and i look at the door and [because it was one of those automatic doors and shit] it was closing on my foot. i didnt remember getting my foot in there and i still dont know how it happened, i do remember though how much of a bitch the pain was. not close to the pain of stabbing im sure, but you still remember the pain even without the memory of how it got there). that leaves one last usage: actually stabbing. again, hes a tour guide, he has no reason to need to stab people, no reason he should have a dagger that damaging, let along access to one like it. you know what has good weapons, ones with magic and shit? the navy. hell, theyre building a mechicanical leviathin! they of course have magic weapons for combat and such. and being a vice admiral, kk would have access to all of them. he gets a dagger for felipe, uses his deal to make sure felipe does whats needed, there.

so why would pulling the card get kuba as his enemy? its the magic of the cards! why would felipe hate gill? why would gillion dissappear only able to be brought back by powerful magic (whole can of worms for niklaus's abilities btw, needed to point that out)? the cards! theres also how felipe did reveal what his plans with gill were gonna be, but its probably just the cards.

i do also think the compass is related to kenta cause of their abilities being matched and it kinda fits him, a man driven even beyond the grave to reach a goal, even if that goal is only known by him...but this is long enough!

i hope i fed someones wants and if theres any contradiciting (or even more proving) evidence, lmk and ill try to counter it, bye and ill see you probably in a writing thing ive been putting off since this morning to write this

[charmsandtealeaves]

💫 what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

Okay this one I’m taking time to answer because I’m gonna use some real examples (because I never delete shit from my AO3 inbox and I'm feeling a little self-indulgent this morning) so strap in:

1. Comments left in the bookmarks. It’s rare, I’ve only ever had it happen twice. But it’s a little window into someone else’s view and I love that shit.

In one someone quotes a line from the fic itself and follows it up with “I’m gonna use that, maybe, once I get bitches, gotta cut my hair for that.” The once I get bitches part had me genuinely laugh out loud for the first time in I don’t know how long. I really hope their endeavour panned out for them 🤣

2. Comments that quote parts of your own fic. I love seeing what parts of a piece of dialogue or scene really resonated with people.

This was fantastic! Oh especially the whole show bit, I enjoyed it too damn much! So well-written and funny, I was grinning like crazy! “But I work in a morgue, so the guys at work are not exactly the sort of stiff I want to be picking up. Naked Attraction please help me find a man who isn’t mortified to go home with a mortician!” - I remember this from the snippets and it's brilliant!

3. Comments from the same username on several chapters of a multi chapter. Those people are the bees knees and fill me with the warm fuzzies.

I can’t even begin to tell you how my heart soars whenever I see your name, @blondelunaa, @abihastastybeans and @practicecourts doing this. 10/10 kudos to you guys.

4. The “Sorry, I got too engrossed and forgot to comment” or “Re-reading!” Kind of comments. With fandom it sometimes feels like something is dead after a week without new kudos etc coming in. But comments like these prove that people are still reading and appreciating long after that.

Oooh ive gushed over this chapter before, but wow- this patronus scene is everything and more. I love the image of the stag, so powerful and magnificent - ima sucker for patronus reveals but this one takes the cake 🤩 and the end is perfect !!

5. The requests for more or a prequel/ sequel. Again rare (for me anyway). I got a few of these on a microfic but I’m gonna share the one:

I am obligated to inform you that I'm in dire need of a sequel. Or prequel. Or both, I won't complain...

6. The paragraph. I think these are the kind of comments everyone loves to get. Just a full paragraph of gushing about something you made.

Oh my goshhhh!!!! My heart!!!!!!! Thank you so very much for writing this <3 This is a perfect, heartfelt, beautiful glimpse into the "after" I requested. I'm so happy they resolved all their feelings! I love the sweet domesticity of the line "it's just me", like they're already an old married couple in Godrics, instead of two teenagers in the Heads Dorms. I feel like that line really helped set the tone of intimacy for the rest of the fic. I'm glad they talked about all their feelings and James doesn't have to be broody anyone xx Thank you for sharing Charms!

8. The full block caps shouting comment. The passion involved in that style of comment.

I SHOULD'VE BRACED MYSELF AFTER THAT AUTHOR'S NOTE

9. The one word/one liner comment. It's small but mighty.

This was fantastic!!!

This was fab. All the kudos to you 🌸 You are a very talented writer ⭐️

This was mad…I loved it

10. The comment from someone "fandom famous" who you thought wouldn't even know you exist. Exhilarating and also incredibly daunting when posting a WIP.

Ahhh the drama in this one!! Loved the James and Lily interactions. Sweet to see Alice and Lily's friendship in person for this one! Got some satisfaction from James hitting Pettigrew I won't lie lol. Glad to see Lily's not pregnant (yet)! Excited to see how you wrap this up!

11. The unexpected compliment comment. Someone paying your work a comment you weren’t expecting. I’ve highlighted a few here that I go back to when I feel like just throwing in the proverbial towel:

Hot damn, this is best court room scene I’ve ever read in fanfiction and most published novels. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time! I’ve been devouring this fic quickly because the dialogue is so freaking good- the perfect combination of fun banter but with a realistic flow- I feel like I’m reading conversations with my own friends. Also I don’t know if this makes sense but they everyone’s Britishness jumps off the page in a way that I love.

Woah! Broken can be a beautiful place to start. Mind blowing and emotionally a masterwork

Just read all of this in one sitting, love your writing! Look forward to reading more of your fics

Asfjksagf this fic is amazing!! It's nighttime here now and I thought to myself that I would just read a couple chapters and then finish it tomorrow - but I COULD NOT put it down!!! Had to devour it all together!! It was just so novel, so interesting, so fun! And the final scene with James holding and hugging Lily from behind had me positively melting the whole time ;A; incredible! <3

I’ve just found this story and I binged the whole thing \o/ Thank you so much for sharing it. The soulmate concept can be so tricky to navigate and I imagine it’s hard to come up with fresh takes on the Lily/James Patronus storyline, but all of this came together so seamlessly and the narrative is so engaging. Such a lovely experience, and I’m incredibly grateful to have stumbled upon it! Phenomenally done! \o/

[beachesgetpeaches]

saw a few posts be like "but why did the people mag have to state she was not swayed by fans wtf"

bcs she wants you to know that you cant bully her in or out of her private relationships (be it romantic or platonic), but no one is picking up on that.

you've been told you were wrong (whether it's bcs you don't have all the facts, or any other reason) twice so far:

the "ive never been happier" - which could have been anything; her addressing Joe breakup cryptically and hoping people would stop hoping he'd do something, her addressing Matty rumours and how she is happy (and between the lines we don't know the whole story), or just trying to get everyone to back off speculating about her private life...

and now with this people sentence/quote/statement you are once again being told that the level of energy you've directed there has been misplaced, for whatever reason. be it that matty healy is not in fact all these horrible things you have all decided to call him, or that it wasn't that serious, or maybe it was serious but there was no need for such public vitriol.

either way - I think thats what that people magazine statement was for. to very indirectly say "hey guys that was fucked up". but as always, there are people going "wtf why would they put that out as well"... it's for you.

[maligatorthealligator]

Hola! Just reaching out in hopes if you could help me boost/share the post I pinned for my dog ;( thank you if you do! I hope you’d consider. (Please answer this ask privately or send a msg) wishing you good health and peace!

Hi, I'm answering this publicly because this is extremely suspicious for the below reasons:

1. I don't follow you.

2. I don't think you're following me (or if you are you've followed me a long time ago and that doesn't seem accurate because...)

3. The earliest post on your blog is from yesterday.

4. None of your posts have tags except for your pinned post which is asking for money.

5. You're asking me to not share this message but rather to spread your pinned post which would make it look like I know/support your cause and people following me should trust it when in fact I don't know anything about you and suspect this is a scam.

6. "Pnuemo" is a prefix which means "lung" so to say she has a "small pnuemo" doesn't mean anything but DOES make your story sound more severe.

7. IF this truly is real, then amputation is going to be significantly cheaper and 10k isn't worth saving your dog's leg.

8. The quote itself is extremely suspicious as it includes:

2 sets of "additional" rads on top of the original rads (which I've literally never seen charged like that and certainly not separated in the manner that they are)

3 exam fees, all seperate (despite your dog having already been examined and admitted for care)

"oral meds" no? This is not how that would be billed. You'd be given the name of the meds

The rad interpretation is on here twice and I haven't been to a single vet that would even charge you for that because this isn't like with human Dr's. Your vet doesn't send that out to a different department for interpretation.

Your iv/catheter is on here twice. Once it's itemized separately and once it's itemized together despite the fact that they wouldn't need to do that twice. Also why do we have a catheter in the first place with these injuries?

"Perscription: medium" is not a charge that you would see. Again, it would be the name of the drug.

All the fluid paks are separate even though you'd have those on one line item.

Your dog doesn't have a weight. It legit weighs 0.00lbs.

They don't have your dog's age listed.

There is definitely more but I am done looking at this.

If this is real then you need to go to a new vet. Refuse further treatment and take your dog somewhere else because this vet is double and sometimes triple charging you. And forget saving the leg if you can't afford it. Just amputate. Dogs do quite well on 3 legs and it's usually cheaper because it isn't as complex as plating a bone.

I also really don't think this is real. I think this is a spam blog that was created specifically to con money out of people. I'd bet you could reverse image search those pictures and find them somewhere on the internet, but I'm on mobile and already done with this.

Be critical guys!

[buoyantsaturn]

32

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

i do not remember quotes from things. i remember vibes, how do we feel about vibes. but also i do not return to things frequently but for the sake of giving you a decent answer i shall say this: sometimes when i think too hard about nico, i remember that scene in katherine's iyn fic where he's writing with his right hand, sees somebody writing with their left hand, and is basically like "oh wig?" and switches hands and keeps doing his school work like nothing happened. that's such a good scene. i found probably by seeing the fic pop up in the ao3-solangelofeed when katherine first posted it, and then i opened it up and realized it wasn't a finished work so i held onto it for like 6 months and then ran out of other things to read while i was waiting for the fic to be completed so that i could read it all at once, so then i started reading it and eventually that scene was written and ive told katherine at Least twice now that i love that scene a disproportionate amount. what it means to me is that i love nico being left handed and i love headcanons that he is left handed but was forced to become right handed due to being raised in the 1930s

thanks for asking!!

send me numbers!!

[lavidadelavie]

Analysis on the ways Dazai and Fyodor injected poison (BSD Chapter 97 Spoilers)

Disclaimer: All of the medical information below is merely from the Internet so it maybe false information. I am not absolutely certain about what I found. I might edit this post when I have collected more necessary information.

Heavily inspired by this post by @tortolette. In each part, I'll provide you with some medical theory first. Then, I'll compare this panel to it so you can easily grasp what the panel is conveying.

I. 4 types & angles of administration of injection

There are 4 types of injections. To quote from Drugs.com:

"Intramuscular (IM) injections. IM injections are given deep into a muscle where the medication is then absorbed quickly by surrounding blood vessels.

Subcutaneous (SC) injections. SC injections are injected into the innermost layer of the skin called the subcutis or hypodermis, which is made up of a network of fat and collagen cells. SC injections are also known as ‘subcut’ or ‘SQ’ injections. These injections work more slowly than an IV or IM injection because the area does not have such a rich blood supply.

Intravenous (IV) injections. An IV injection is the fastest way to inject a medication and involves using a syringe to inject a medication directly into a vein. When people talk about receiving medication via IV, however, they are usually talking about an IV infusion or drip, which involves using a pump or gravity to infuse the medication into a vein, rather than a syringe. IV infusions allow a set amount of medication to be administered in a controlled manner over a period of time.

Intradermal (ID) injections. ID injections are given directly into the middle layer of the skin called the dermis. This type of injection is absorbed more slowly again than IV, IM or SC injections."

"Muscle", "Subcutaneous tissue", "Vein", "Dermis", "Epidermis"

Credits: Here

According to PubMed.gov, "intramuscular injections administered at a comfortable angle between 72 degrees and 90 degrees."

Dazai and Fyodor were injecting the poison at 72-90 degree-angle, which might be SC or IM injections.

II. Injection sites and techniques

According to Children's Hospital of the King's Daughters, "the most common areas for SC injections are:

the upper outer area of the arm

the front and outer sides of the thighs

the abdomen, except for a 2 inch area around the navel

the upper outer area of the buttocks

the upper hip

because these are away from joints, nerves and large blood vessels."

According to this site, common SC injection sites and common IM injection sites are:

while common ID injection sites are:

and according to Victorian Agency for Health Information, the preferred sites for IV cannulation are:

Hand. Dorsal arch veins.

Wrist. Volar aspect.

Cubital fossa. Median antecubital, cephalic and basilic veins.

Foot. Dorsal arch.

Scalp. Scalp veins should only be used once other alternatives are exhausted

In this panel, Dazai and Fyodor did not pinched their skin (as they needn't, I think).

Based on the angles of injection, I think they did IM or SC injections in ID and IV injection sites but I'm not quite sure about this because the needle hubs were quite far away from their skin when they were injecting the poison:

This is quite confusing but let’s say Dazai and Fyodor intentionally gave injections in the wrong sites. This is what may happen:

According to Tom Shimabukuro, deputy director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s immunization safety office, “if you were to receive an injection too high – in the wrong place – you could get pain, swelling and reduced range of motion in that area”. When that happens, he adds, “an acute process can become chronic.”

According to National Post, a 2010 study suggested “that in some of our cases, the injury may have been the result of improper injection technique", causing pain and limited range of motion. A third of the patients who were given injections with improper techniques needed surgery, some of them twice.

I cannot figure out why they had done this despite the risks.

I also wondered why they chose the 90-degree angle instead of the 45-degree angle if they intentionally did this and this is what I found: According to Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology, there is “no difference in pain between 45- and 90-degree angles of injection, but that the energy required to inject was lower with insertion at 90 degrees. Lower injection energy may lead to less tissue distension and thus less pain. In addition, 90-degree angle insertion may result in less direct transection of nerve endings than 45-degree angle insertion.” To cut a long story short, it gives them less pain.

They may not have chosen IV injections because "IV injection is the introduction of a medication into the veins using a needle, and it is used when rapid absorption is called for, when fluid cannot be taken by mouth, or when the medication to be administered is too irritating to be injected into the skin or muscles", according to US National Library of Medicine. However, I have no idea why they did not choose ID injections even though "this type of injection is absorbed more slowly again than IV, IM or SC injections", according to Drugs.com.

III. More

Anyways, there are three more analyses that I know, I will put the links here if you want to continue reading about this subject.

1. This one by @tortolette

2. This one by @infjsnightmare

3. This one (about the poison) by @overtainted

━━━━━━━━━◦○◦━━━━━━━━━

I apologise in advance for any inaccuracies and please feel free to correct me in the comment section. Thank you for reading my ramblings :'>

[dontbipanicjonsa]

A confusing clusterfuck of thoughts re: Jonsa

Or: why the fuck are Jon and Sansa so compatible if they're not canon, huh?

He saw the Wall shining like blue crystal, and his bastard brother Jon sleeping alone in a cold bed, his skin growing pale and hard as the memory of all warmth fled from him. - Bran III AGOT

So....Jon is going to lose memory of all warmth? I'm going to separate the changes brought about in post-resurrection!Jon here as changes caused by death and changes caused by Ghost. This post is only speculating about the changes caused by death i.e. loss of memory of all warmth.

More foreshadowing for that-

Chunks of coal burned in iron braziers at either end of the long room, but Jon found himself shivering. The chill was always with him here. In a few years he would forget what it felt like to be warm. - Jon III AGOT

"It was. The fort is in a sorry state, admittedly. You will restore it as best you can..." ... You'll sleep on stone, too exhausted to complain or plot, and soon you'll forget what it was like to be warm, but you might remember what it was to be a man. - Jon II ADWD

So, I did a word search for warm and memory and I found some interesting stuff. Read under the cut.

1. Home

Jon- warmth and memory of home

The memory of her laughter warmed him on the long ride north. - Jon II AGOT (thinking about Arya)

The weariness came on him suddenly... So cold, he thought, remembering the warm halls of Winterfell, where the hot waters ran through the walls like blood through a man's body. There was scant warmth to be found in Castle Black... - Jon III AGOT

...Iron Emmett was still urging on his charges in the yard. The song of steel on steel woke a hunger in Jon. It reminded him of warmer, simpler days, when he had been a boy at Winterfell matching blades with Robb under the watchful eye of Ser Rodrik Cassel. Ser Rodrik too had fallen, slain by Theon Turncloak... All my memories are poisoned. - Jon VI ADWD

The warmth took some of the ache from his muscles and made him think of Winterfell's muddy pools, steaming and bubbling in the godswood. Winterfell, he thought. Theon left it burned and broken, but I could restore it.-Jon XII ASOS

So, these are the memories of warmth he'll lose? This warmth, that he associates with Winterfell (and the Starks), is the first memory of warmth Jon has.

Dany- memory of home

The door loomed before her, the red door, so close, so close, the hall was a blur around her, the cold receding behind... and all that lived and breathed fled in terror from the shadow of her wings. She could smell home, she could see it, there, just beyond that door, green fields and great stone houses and arms to keep her warm, there. She threw open the door.

"… the dragon …" - Daenerys IX AGOT

Home? The word made her feel sad. Ser Jorah had his Bear Island, but what was home to her? A few tales, names recited as solemnly as the words of a prayer, the fading memory of a red door … was Vaes Dothrak to be her home forever? - Daenerys VI AGOT

..."What shall we talk of?"

"Home," said Dany. "Naath. Butterflies and brothers. Tell me of the things that make you happy, the things that make you giggle, all your sweetest memories. Remind me that there is still good in the world."

Missandei did her best. She was still talking when Dany finally fell to sleep, to dream queer, half-formed dreams of smoke and fire. - Daenerys VIII ADWD

Dany's idea of 'home' changes over the course of the books. In the beginning she uses home for Illyrio's house, or the house with the red door. She very clearly doesn't think of Westeros as her home. After Viserys's death however, there's a sudden shift. Now, Westeros is her long lost home that she must return to someday. It's jarring. Interestingly enough, she pretty clearly rejects the idea of Dothraki khalasars as home, and the only time she calls Meereen home is in her last chapter of ADWD where she's trying to convince herself to return there. But we know that she ultimately rejects that too, in the same chapter.

Sansa- memory of home

Snow was falling on the Eyrie.

Outside the flakes drifted down as soft and silent as memory. Was this what woke me? Already the snowfall lay thick... The sight took Sansa back to cold nights long ago, in the long summer of her childhood. - Sansa VII ASOS

Last of all came the Royces, Lord Nestor and Bronze Yohn... Though his hair was grey and his face lined, Lord Yohn still looked as though he could break most younger men like twigs in those huge gnarled hands. His seamed and solemn face brought back all of Sansa's memories of his time at Winterfell. - Alayne I AFFC

She missed Septa Mordane, and even more Jeyne Poole, her truest friend... She tried not to think of them too often, yet sometimes the memories came unbidden, and then it was hard to hold back the tears. Once in a while, Sansa even missed her sister. By now Arya was safe back in Winterfell... - Sansa II ACOK

Arya coz why not

"Let me tell you something about wolves, child. When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives. Summer is the time for squabbles. In winter, we must protect one another, keep each other warm, share our strengths.… Sansa is your sister. You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts. You need her, as she needs you …" - Arya II AGOT

Needle was Robb and Bran and Rickon, her mother and her father, even Sansa. Needle was Winterfell's grey walls, and the laughter of its people. Needle was the summer snows, Old Nan's stories, the heart tree with its red leaves and scary face, the warm earthy smell of the glass gardens, the sound of the north wind rattling the shutters of her room. Needle was Jon Snow's smile. He used to mess my hair and call me "little sister," she remembered, and suddenly there were tears in her eyes. - Arya II AFFC

Again, all this (and much more) is stuff that reminds Sansa (and Arya) of home. This is, presumably, shit that Jon is gonna forget. Or maybe he'll retain the memories and only lose the emotions (warmth) associated with it?

2. Suitors or romantic/sexual partners (+Ben Plumm)

Jon

Many a night he lay with Ygritte warm beside him,... - Jon V ASOS

So, Ygritte becomes his second memory of warmth.

When he turned he saw Ygritte.

...cloaked in darkness and in memory. The light of the moon was in her hair, her red hair kissed by fire. When he saw that, Jon's heart leapt into his mouth. "Ygritte," he said.

"Lord Snow." The voice was Melisandre's.

Surprise made him recoil from her. "Lady Melisandre." He took a step backwards. "I mistook you for someone else." At night all robes are grey. - Jon VI ADWD

AT NIGHT ALL ROBES ARE GREY...yea I know, this is a well established connection between the Girl in Grey and Ygritte. Since Jon associates Ygritte with warmth so strongly, I think it's safe to assume that the Girl in Grey might play a role in warming him too (hehe).

… one hears queer talk of dragons."

"Would that we had one here. A dragon might warm things up a bit."

"My lord jests. You will forgive me if I do not laugh. We Braavosi are descended from those who fled Valyria and the wroth of its dragonlords. We do not jape of dragons." - Jon IX ADWD

Yikes.

Dany

"If my queen commands," he (Jorah) said, curt and cold.

Dany was warm enough for both of them. "She does," she said. "She commands...

When he was gone, Dany threw herself down on her pillows beside her dragons. She had not meant to be so sharp with Ser Jorah, but his endless suspicion had finally woken her dragon. - Daenerys IV ASOS

So, here the warmth is because of anger (woken the dragon).

Dany could feel the warmth of his fingers. He was warm in Qarth as well, she recalled, until the day he had no more use for me. She rose to her feet. "Come," she said, and Xaro followed her through the pillars... - Daenerys III ADWD

She remembered Ben's face the last time she had seen it. It was a warm face, a face I trusted... Even the dragons had been fond of old Brown Ben, who liked to boast that he had a drop of dragon blood himself. Three treasons will you know. Once for gold and once for blood and once for love. Was Plumm the third treason, or the second? And what did that make Ser Jorah, her gruff old bear? Would she never have a friend that she could trust?- Daenerys VI ADWD

This is twice that Dany associates warmth with people who use/betray her.

"You're hurt," she gasped.

"This?" Daario touched his temple. "A crossbowman tried to put a quarrel through my eye, but I outrode it. I was hurrying home to my queen, to bask in the warmth of her smile." He shook his sleeve, spattering red droplets. - Daenerys VI ADWD

Dawn always came too soon.

...If only she had the power, she would have made their nights go on forever, but the best that she could do was stay awake to try and savor every last sweet moment before daybreak turned them into no more than fading memories....

Dany wrapped her arms around her captain and pressed herself against his back. She drank in the scent of him, savoring the warmth of his flesh, the feel of his skin against her own. Remember, she told herself. Remember how he felt. - Daenerys VII ADWD

Ok, I forgot how smitten Dany was with Daario. It would be cute if Daario wasn't so horrifying. Girl has some seriously questionable taste.

Interestingly, the phrase 'fading memory' is used four times in the text (as far as I can find) and three of those times are in Daenerys's POV. One is in the above quote, where she's commanding herself to remember her time with Daario before her marriage to Hizdahr, and the other time is while thinking about the red door. Both these are memories that are important to her, that connect her to the hopeful/little/not-dark girl she once was.

Sansa

Gently, he spoke of Braavos, and met a wall of sullen courtesy as icy and unyielding as the Wall he had walked once in the north. - Tyrion VIII ASOS

"I am composing a new song, you should know. A song so sweet and sad it will melt even your frozen heart. 'The Roadside Rose,' I mean to call it. About a baseborn girl so beautiful she bewitched every man who laid eyes upon her." - Sansa VII ASOS

"Alayne." Her aunt's singer stood over her. "Sweet Alayne. I am Marillion. I saw you come in from the rain. The night is chill and wet. Let me warm you." - Sansa VI ASOS

You must be very cold. Let me warm you, Sansa. Take off those gloves, give me your hands." - Sansa VII ASOS

Yea no. Sansa has not had a good experience with people offering to warm her (unfreeze her? melt her?)

Looks like in TWOW there's going to be two people in desperate need of some warming.

It's pretty neat actually. Jon associates memories of warmth with two things primarily: Winterfell/the Starks, and Ygritte. Sansa is both a Stark, and a much (much) improved Ygritte.

Sansa's iciness-wall-armour is a form of protection that she employs against predatory men. The only person who can melt her frozen heart...is someone who is not predatory. Someone who cares for her. Jon.

It fits perfectly. They fit perfectly.

[chispas-and-broken-bindings]

Lmao 🤣 I know to which post you are replying about them being besties . That scene always gave me more ominous vibes than actually something that would ignite friendship . Also the title of " Usurper's Dog " isn't something @ry@ is going to take lightly .

Ha! I actually didn't have any particular post in mind. The Dany/Arya friendship is just something that I see float around the fandom from time to time and it drives me absolutely bonkers (not fanon. feel free to explore all your platonic dreams with these two in fanon. Go wild. You do you.)

If we are talking canon though, I can't think of a single character that has more anti-Targ foreshadowing in their chapters than Arya (even Jon comes in second place). I actually started pasting bits of Arya's chapters into a word document awhile ago, because I couldn't believe how much GRRM uses her POV to detail the horrors of fire and burning...it's almost comical how heavy-handed he is with it.

And yet...

After I saw this ask in my inbox, I looked at the Arya Stark tag and immediately found a post about Dany and Arya being best friends.

So.

Here we are:

A Storm of Swords - Arya I

Later they passed through a burned village, threading their way carefully between the shells of blackened hovels and past the bones of a dozen dead men hanging from a row of apple trees. When Hot Pie saw them he began to pray, a thin whispered plea for the Mother's mercy, repeated over and over. Arya looked up at the fleshless dead in their wet rotting clothes and said her own prayer. Ser Gregor, it went, Dunsen, Polliver, Raff the Sweetling. The Tickler and the Hound. Ser Ilyn, Ser Meryn, King Joffrey, Queen Cersei. She ended it with valar morghulis, touched Jaqen's coin where it nestled under her belt, and then reached up and plucked an apple from among the dead men as she rode beneath them. It was mushy and overripe, but she ate it worms and all.

That was the day without a dawn. Slowly the sky lightened around them, but they never saw the sun. Black turned to grey, and colors crept timidly back into the world. The soldier pines were dressed in somber greens, the broadleafs in russets and faded golds already beginning to brown.

Hot Pie opened his mouth and closed it. He did not fall off his horse. The rain began again a short time later. They still had not seen so much as a glimpse of the sun. It was growing colder, and pale white mists were threading between the pines and blowing across the bare burned fields.

A Storm of Swords - Arya III

That night they sheltered in a burned, abandoned village.

A Storm of Swords - Arya IV

The next night they found shelter beneath the scorched shell of a sept, in a burned village called Sallydance. Only shards remained of its windows of leaded glass, and the aged septon who greeted them said the looters had even made off with the Mother's costly robes, the Crone's gilded lantern, and the silver crown the Father had worn. "They hacked the Maiden's breasts off too, though those were only wood," he told them. "And the eyes, the eyes were jet and lapis and mother-of-pearl, they pried them out with their knives. May the Mother have mercy on them all."

A Storm of Swords Arya VI

"Please," Sandor Clegane rasped, cradling his arm. "I'm burned. Help me. Someone. Help me." He was crying. "Please."

Arya looked at him in astonishment. He's crying like a little baby, she thought.

Clegane tried to stand, but as he moved a piece of burned flesh sloughed right off his arm, and his knees went out from under him. Tom caught him by his good arm and held him up.

His arm, Arya thought, and his face. But he was the Hound. He deserved to burn in a fiery hell. The knife felt heavy in her hand. She gripped it tighter. "You killed Mycah," she said once more, daring him to deny it. "Tell them. You did. You did."

"I did." His whole face twisted. "I rode him down and cut him in half, and laughed. I watched them beat your sister bloody too, watched them cut your father's head off."

Lem grabbed her wrist and twisted, wrenching the dagger away. She kicked at him, but he would not give it back. "You go to hell, Hound," she screamed at Sandor Clegane in helpless empty-handed rage. "You just go to hell!"

(Okay, so she's not exactly sympathetic to the Hound's plight here, but still...another reference to burning, and a pretty graphic one at that)

A Storm of Swords - Arya VII

Jack-Be-Lucky, Harwin, and Merrit o' Moontown braved the burning septry to search for captives. They emerged from the smoke and flames a few moments later with eight brown brothers, one so weak that Merrit had to carry him across a shoulder.

The septry soon collapsed in a roar of smoke and flame, its walls no longer able to support the weight of its heavy slate roof. The eight brown brothers watched with resignation. They were all that remained, explained the eldest, who wore a small iron hammer on a thong about his neck to signify his devotion to the Smith. "Before the war we were four-and-forty, and this was a prosperous place. We had a dozen milk cows and a bull, a hundred beehives, a vineyard and an apple arbor. But when the lions came through they took all our wine and milk and honey, slaughtered the cows, and put our vineyard to the torch.

A Storm of Swords - Arya XI

"Dead," he shouted back at her. "Do you think they'd slaughter his men and leave him alive?" He turned his head back toward the camp. "Look. Look, damn you."

The camp had become a battlefield. No, a butcher's den. The flames from the feasting tents reached halfway up the sky. Some of the barracks tents were burning too, and half a hundred silk pavilions. Everywhere swords were singing. And now the rains weep o'er his hall, with not a soul to hear. She saw two knights ride down a running man. A wooden barrel came crashing onto one of the burning tents and burst apart, and the flames leapt twice as high. A catapult, she knew. The castle was flinging oil or pitch or something.

"Come with me." Sandor Clegane reached down a hand. "We have to get away from here, and now." Stranger tossed his head impatiently, his nostrils flaring at the scent of blood. The song was done. There was only one solitary drum, its slow monotonous beats echoing across the river like the pounding of some monstrous heart. The black sky wept, the river grumbled, men cursed and died. Arya had mud in her teeth and her face was wet. Rain. It's only rain. That's all it is. "We're here," she shouted. Her voice sounded thin and scared, a little girl's voice. "Robb's just in the castle, and my mother. The gate's even open." There were no more Freys riding out. I came so far. "We have to go get my mother."

(heart: broken)

Look, there is a lot to say about fire and about rain in Arya's chapters, particularly in A Storm of Swords. I don't have the energy for it, so I'm just dumping quotes. Draw your own conclusions.

This collection is by no means exhaustive, and I'm sure there is someone more dedicated than I am, who has written something about this symbolism. (If anyone has it, send me a link).

All I'm saying is that GRRM isn't throwing all this devastation by fire and blood into Arya's chapters as positive foreshadowing for how she'll feel when a certain conqueror cross the Narrow Sea with her dragons.

[limelocked]

The Dream SMP Updates twitter account is too trusted imo. They so often post either biased or blatantly wrong info and people just... believe it. Even when it's been debunked. It seems like it's a lot of people's primary source as well. I've had lore discussions with people saying stuff I know is false and their source is just that account. I'm sure whoever's running it is trying their best and I'm not disregarding that but I think posting a disclaimer every once in a while wouldn't hurt

okay im gonna go off a lil because of the post i reblogged earlier about what the wiki quoted the egg as saying to ranboo and touch again on something ive been thinking about basically since i joined the fandom

there should be like a community run recap thing like i come from hermitcraft where we have the recap, before the hermitcraft recap there was mindcrack in a nutshell, basically same thing; catches you up to speed with what the hell is going on

i joined dsmp back during the election, my ass thought it was half to the end of the world that id missed the whole like disc war and lmanburg starting to exist (oh how i fear for people joining now), and was highkey looking around for this servers recap (dudn exist even now) and not until later that i learned about the recap blogs on here and dsmp updates is like A Week Old in my mind, learned about it a month ago At Best

so ive been on and off thinking about a dsmp recap since i joined, by the community for the community, having to be run by like a Fuckton of people to catch livestreams or vods, to collect clips or the vods themselves so they dont vanish into the aether (twitch people without vods channels.... why are you the way you are), note down important story shit or just updates in general from creators, translate the egg or whatever other funky language stuff is going on that needs translating, and most importantly for this ask; not be bias and to cite its god damn sources

the biggest problem with a recap is that im p sure mindcrack in a nutshell was biweekly, hermitcraft recap is weekly and doesnt look at streams and meanwhile dsmp is moving so fast that in a weeks time info from the start of the week would be outdated and doing it in a video format would be... ambitious to say the least, youd almost have to make it a twice weekly newspaper or something

long and short of it is this:

@ the individual people who run recap blogs or accounts on any social media; no matter if info is bias or incorrect like anon says dsmpupdates is like... the fact that yall are trying to keep up and doing this on your own? yall are stronger than any us marine and your services are literally invaluable to the community, thank you, you shouldnt have to do this on your own god damn

[trade-baby-blues]

Blink

Pairing: Jim x Reader 

Word Count: 2052

Warnings: angsty!! major injury, mentions of death, depression etc

A/N: Requested by an anon. Definitely more inspired by the song Andria by La Dispute than the song you sent me but...I hope it still satisfies you! Will also post it on AO3 later and update with a link to that as well!

“I promise I’m fine,” Jim said, flashing his best smile. He even squinted his eyes a little, hoping it would make it more realistic, but there was no fooling Teresa Ruiz. She regarded him the way one would a work of modern art at a museum. She looked at the lines on his face and tried to parse a meaning from them, tried to study every rise and valley in his skin as if it would reveal some great truth. She looked at him like he was infinite. It made Jim realize just how small he was. 

He leaned back, staring at the ceiling. He began to drum his fingers against the arm of the chair until he heard the scratch of pen on paper. “What are you writing now,” Jim asked, desperate to fill the silence. 

“My grocery list,” Teresa said nonchalantly. “At least one of us should get something out of this session.” 

“Look,” Jim said, leaning forward again, “we don’t have to keep doing this. You could just sign my release forms, and then I’ll be cleared for duty and out of your hair.” 

“I could.” Teresa kept writing. Jim watched her, listened to the scratching of the pen as it grew louder and louder until it seemed to be coming from inside his own skull. 

“You could, but?” 

“But I don’t believe you’re fine.” 

“God, how would you even know how I am when you’re writing your grocery list?” Jim threw himself back against the chair, allowing his hands to clench around the arms and shutting his eyes against the office and the world and her. 

Teresa sighed and dropped the notepad onto Jim’s lap. His eyes opened as his hands found the pages. “Oh,” he said softly. 

It wasn’t a grocery list. Of course it wasn’t a grocery list. 

Lack of interests. Refusal to open up. Fear of loss. Fear of silence. 

"Fear of airports," Jim quirked his eyebrow up. "How do you figure that one, doc?" 

Teresa leaned forward to grab her pad back. "Because your jaw clenches every time you mention it."

"I'm not scared of flying," Jim said, trying his best to relax his jaw. He hadn't noticed how tense it was until Teresa mentioned it. 

"I didn't say you were."

"And I'm not scared of silence either. That's all there is in space." 

"Prove it." 

Jim snapped his jaw shut and crossed his arms, fully aware that he was acting like a child. His eyes bounced wildly around the room from the clipboard in Teresa's hand to the clock on the wall which refused to go faster. Was it even moving at all? After an eternity, the secondhand dragged itself forward once. Twice. Three times.  

"Why would I be scared of airports?" 

"Because of what they represent." 

Jim scoffed. Still, his eyes bounced around the room. "And what's that?"

"You tell me."

"This is so stupid. They don't mean anything, and I've got better things to do that wax poetic about the 'deeper meaning'," Jim punctuated his outburst with finger quotes as he stood to leave the office. His hand was on the door handle when Teresa spoke again, freezing him in his tracks:

"Loss," she said. "They're full of goodbyes."

"Yeah, so is this office. Goodbye," Jim said as he pulled the door open. His mouth was curled in a smirk yet he couldn't help feeling like he'd lost this round. 

She doesn't know what she's talking about. Jim tried to comfort himself. This is pointless. I'm not scared of airports. They don't mean anything. 

Jim kept these reassurances up all the way back to your apartment - his apartment. It was just his now, he had to remind himself. He fought back a wince as he hit the light switch, half expecting you to be fast asleep on the couch as he often found you: hair loose around your chin, a thin spot of drool creeping from the corner of your mouth, and, if he really strained his ears, Jim could hear the softest snores drifting from your mouth to his ears. 

Instead, the silence roared at him until Jim turned on whatever was queued up on the music player. He turned the volume up until he could feel it in his teeth. He could hear Teresa’s voice in his head saying “scared of silence” and turned the music up more until even that became a distant whisper under the heavy bass. 

Jim could feel your hand on his, your fingers brushing his wrist. He held onto you like his life depended on it, like he would float away if you let go of him. You brushed your knuckles against his cheek and his eyes fluttered up to you. He couldn’t remember ever being this nervous. His heart beat faster than it ever had - faster than when he stole his step-dad’s car, faster than his first lift-off in the Enterprise. He felt dizzy on you. 

You giggled, trailing your fingers down his cheek to his lips as you leaned in. Your lips ghosted over his and Jim melted into you. 

His eyes opened, hands fisted into the sheets below him, and sighed. Jim rolled onto his back to stare at his ceiling. He could feel your lips on his still. His hands shook as much as they had the first time you kissed him. 

He was running now. Vines bit at Jim’s ankles, branches brushing his cheeks. He had to go faster. Had to catch up. Jim could hear you up ahead. Your shrieks floating to his ears, catching in his throat as he finally burst into the clearing, launching off the bank into the water. 

“Christ,” he yelled once his head was above water again. “You didn’t tell me the water was so cold.” 

Your laugh was like windchimes. “I thought the shrieking would be a hint.” 

“Oh, that was you? Thought maybe a velociraptor escaped.” You laughed again, splashing Jim with water as he swam closer. 

He reached out to touch your hair, but his hand went through you. A branch breaking to his left caught Jim’s attention. When he looked back, you were gone entirely. 

Jim’s eyes shot open, greeted once more by the blank ceiling. He spared a glance at his alarm clock. 3 a.m. With a groan, Jim turned onto his side, curling himself around a spare pillow and willing sleep to take him just to see you again. 

People were talking. Jim could hear them talking but couldn’t make out what they were saying. All he could focus on was your fingers on his wrist, your thumb brushing the skin where his palm and wrist met. His hands were shaking again. Why were they always shaking? 

“I’ll be back before you know it.” You slipped your hand under Jim’s chin, forcing him to look at you through those infuriatingly long lashes of his. 

“Do you have to go?” Jim’s voice was softer than he wanted and he winced, trying to shove away the image of a little boy scared of losing the person he loves most all over again. 

“That’s my line.” You stepped closer to Jim. The image of you clinging to his shirt as he left on mission after mission flew through Jim’s head. He felt a pang of guilt before you kissed it away. “It’s two days, babe. You’ll blink and it’ll be over.” 

And it was. 

Jim blinked and then his phone rang. A voice on the other end asked him to confirm his name. To confirm yours. Asked about your relationship. Jim excused himself from the mission briefing as his heart climbed higher and higher in his throat until it stopped entirely. 

“Yes, this is Jim Kirk. Yes, she’s my girlfriend. Yes, she was on a flight to New York. What do you mean the shuttle crashed?” 

The operator on the other line continued to talk, but Jim couldn’t hear it. “Wait, wait, start again,” Jim begged, hoping he could make it out this time. Surely, he’d misheard. There was a mistake. There had to be. 

Bones peeked his head out of the meeting room, eyeing his friend warily. Jim handed him the phone, still unable to process the words. Unable to process anything but the screeching in his ears and the sobs threatening to rip from his throat. Bones took the phone, calling after Jim as he sprinted away. 

The airport felt bigger now as he ran in. Why did he come here? What could they do? Jim couldn’t stop himself from running ahead to the gate, half expecting you to be waiting there for him. The sobs came freely now as he tried to push past the security checkpoint. Jim pleaded with the officer, not entirely sure what he was saying between shouting your name as if it could bring you back. 

A sob wracked Jim’s body as his eyes snapped back open. He took a breath. Ran a hand down his face. Maybe Teresa was right. Maybe he did hate airports. 

-

Jim hated hospitals too, but he was here. He was here for you. His hand shook as he pressed the elevator call button. The crinkling of cellophane filled the air as he tightened his grip on the flowers in his left hand. 

Jim blinked and the elevator came. He blinked and the doors opened again, letting him off. He blinked and he was at the door, hands clamped around the cool metal of the doorknob as he tried to remember how to breathe. 

You looked as angelic as ever, despite the monitors and IVs hooked up to your body. Jim swallowed against the growing lump in his throat. He placed the flowers on the bedside table as the beeping of the heart monitor filled the room, reminding his own heart to beat. 

“Hey,” he croaked out, reaching for your hand. It was limp in his. Clammy. “Good to see you.” 

Bones said talking to you would help, but what could he say? How could he talk about the minutiae of his day when you were in a coma? How could he say anything when he spent every second fighting against the guilt threatening to swallow him whole? Hell, Jim should’ve died. He should’ve died and Bones saved him, but he couldn’t save you. He couldn’t do anything but ensure you were ‘comfortable.’ 

How could this be comfortable? The starchy hospital sheets scraping against your skin. A tube down your throat helping you breath. Jim wanted to help you, but for the first time in his life he didn’t know what to do. He felt frozen. 

“I saw Teresa again yesterday. I hate to admit it, but I think she’s helping.” Jim laughed. “You’d really like her. She doesn’t put up with my shit either.” Jim closed his eyes, imagining your laugh. The smile made his muscles ache, too used to disuse. He could almost hear what you’d say. How your eyes would crinkle at the corners and your fingers would slip around his wrist again. The pressure was almost palpable. 

His eyes opened, focusing on the fingers brushing the skin where his palm met his wrist. A gentle squeeze which may as well have been around his throat as the breath left his lungs. His eyes shot to your face, still bruised in places Jim couldn’t wait to kiss. The pressure on his wrist came again just as he began to think he imagined it, and he watched your eyelids flutter open. 

Jim called for the nurses, never taking his eyes off you in case you disappeared again. The nurses worked quickly, not bothering to try and dislodge Jim. He’d been glued to your side since you were brought in. 

Your throat felt raw, voice cracking as you tried to speak. “It’s okay,” Jim said, pressing his forehead to yours, kissing the tip of your nose. Kissing your eyes, your cheek. Every inch of skin he could reach. “You don’t have to say anything.” 

“Guess it was a little more than two days, huh,” you croaked weakly. 

Jim couldn’t help but laugh as he blinked away tears. Nothing would interrupt his vision of you. He stroked your hair, half expecting to wake up alone in his own bed again. “That’s okay. I’ll always wait for you.” 

Tag List: (i stole this taglist of an earlier fic I posted so if you do/don’t want to be tagged let me know!)

@outside-the-government @martinawalker @thevalesofanduin @goingknowherewastaken @thefanficfaerie @brooke-taylor0323 @slither-in-a-half @cuddlememerrick @reading-in-moonlight​  

[clumsyclifford]

just finished writing this and realized how long it got oh jeez i am so sorry. i promise it is just me rambling about nothing and does not require a lot of thought.

i made a playlist of r5's entire discography and am listening to it (in order) because there is something wrong with me. if only it had their very first ever ep on it (ready set rock ep you may have been slight garbage but i don't love you any less for it). oh god i realized i fucked up and didn't add the songs by "ross lynch and r5" from the austin & ally soundtrack. i'm already three songs into louder and they would have been between louder and say you'll stay. what do i have to do is actually one of r5's best songs and i'm pretty sure i remember ross calling it one of his favs fairly recently?? which was so valid of him. anyways. this is now an r5 song ranking. i'm bored and avoiding doing assignments. i'm going to name my top 10 r5 songs off the top of my head. source: me trying to remember every song they've ever released.

no. 1: easy love. nothing comes close. my fav song they ever made. they haven't made anything that even compares since (this is /hj. tde has some valid songs).

no. 2: wishing i was 23. what do you mean i only love this song because of my nostalgia bias no i don't.

no. 3: what do i have to do? i will not elaborate i do not know why i adore this song as much as i do it's just a cute song.

no. 4: repeating days. THE END. THE FUCKING END AFTER THE SONG ENDS THE "all i've got is cheap wine" PART ross sounds so vulnerable and him with just the guitar makes me so :(((((( it's so gorgeous that part makes the whole song and that makes it top 3 for me.

no. 5: i want u bad. THAT SONG FUCKS LIVE. I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT I WILL PROBABLY NEVER SEE IT LIVE AGAIN. (speaking of concerts i can't believe you bought concert tix and fucking forgot??? that is actually so fucking funny bella it made me laugh i will not lie)

no. 6: dark side. so so valid of them. it just fucks. it's so good. it makes u want to dance. u named a fic after a lyric from it which was so valid.

no. 7: did you have your fun? i love this song. no i will not elaborate. it is a sexy song. what's that one lyric from it that's hot. "love me, leave me, left me numb" some lyrics you love for no particular reason and for me that's one of those lyrics.

no. 8: f.e.e.l.g.o.o.d. this has alwayysss been one of my favs by them. since it dropped. some lore about it: the like crowd yelling that's in it they recorded live at a festival they played and i remember there being hype about this being an unreleased song when they had the crowd chanting "f-e-e-l-g-o-o-d" with no explanation. also another fun fact is that the final version of this is just a demo?? source: my slightly faulty memory remembering ross saying something about some demos being so good that you keep them as they are and it later being revealed this was the song he was talking about.

no. 9: i know you got away. sexy song. they released a vocals only version of it (that has apparently since been deleted?? i went to look for it on youtube and couldn't find it?? wtf r5) that has stuck with me ever since.

no. 10: loud. but more specifically the acoustic or live version. this was their encore song that they played to end every show. i MISS IT. it holds a special place in my heart.

honorable mentions: hurts good (a good song and THEIR LAST THEY EVER RELEASED VV SAD), wild hearts (fun fact almost picked a lyric from this song as my senior quote till i found out they didn't write this song), fallin' for you (YOU LIKE MISMATCHED SOCKS WITH POLKA DOTS YOU LIKE YOUR PIZZA COLD I THINK THATS HOT i never saw this song live and i'm still fucking pissed about it ok), do it again (it's such a sweet song :(((( "listen to the airplanes as we count the stars" gives me the same vibes as six feet under the stars), things are looking up (generally just a cute song!! this whole ep is just very good and very cute!! when i saw it live one time during the bridge ross was like "everyone shut up this is my favorite part >:(" and that was so valid of him) i can't say i'm in love (it's just a fun song!! it was a bonus track on sln from another country), trading time (this is the only song from the new addictions ep that i listed and u know what i'm Not sorry)

ok. i will spare you and stop rambling. other honorable mentions: if you have never listened to cool girl (feat. the driver era) by new beat fund i highly recommend. it's an okay song but it was one of the first songs released after they rebranded as tde and includes ross saying motherfucker with his whole chest. i will never again feel what i felt the first time i heard that song having listened exclusively to them as r5 whose songs they couldn't curse in because they were on a disney label.

in conclusion. i miss r5. ross saying fuck is kinda hot. i listened to the entirety of louder while writing this. i am sorry to dump this in your askbox. i still have multiple assignments to do and should probably go to sleep at a decent time. it feels fitting to finally stop writing while easy love is on. when i was 12 and this ep came out i thought "dirtbags" was a curse word and was scared to sing it. they changed it to "douchebags" live.

that's all. goodbye. have a lovely night. listen to r5's discography for clear skin thriving crops etc etc. sorry to lovepost about them in your askbox i only have (1) former r5 mutual that i still talk to (a very interesting but long story. she's the gemini bestie) and she will only lovepost about r5 once in a while. feel free to ignore my ask calling cody bellinger hot i was a different person when i wrote it i am now a changed woman. LOVE YOU MWAH - bella but she misses r5

hi hi im going to answer this with minimal thought because im tired but i dont wanna leave this sitting in my inbox forever but for the record all your r5 opinions are valid. ok lets go

1. easy love slaps ive heard it a couple times over the last few days (it played in the car today while i was driving sam n meghna to the airport) and it does fuck i can see why it's your fave

2. i do not know this song

3. A BOP A WHOLE FUCKIN BOP

4. oh i do love repeating days great choice i would have to hear it a few more times to get it in my head but i remember really liking it when i listened to the album it's on

5. also a banger and i'm glad my concert tickets situation made you laugh it made me laugh too imagine being this useless gldskfjgs

6. DARK SIDE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS GIVE IN TO YOUR DARK SIDE YOUR DARK SIDE IIIIIIIII SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT MEEEEE

7. ANOTHER FUCKING BANGER this one is probably among my favorite r5 songs maybe top 5 LOVE ME LEAVE ME LEFT ME NUMB (guitar moment) DID YOU HAVE YOUR FUUUuuuuUUUUUNNNNN i feel the same way about this lyric as you

8. oh shit thats pretty cool i dont know this song tbh i cant remember how it goes i know ive heard it once or twice but. id have to listen to it again so i will keep you posted on that

9. i do not know this one either

10. interesting choice for top ten but i support you, this song fucks and ever since you mentioned it it's been in my subconscious and randomly getting stuck in my head i think i need to listen to it to get it out. it does hit ur right

11. i don't know hurts good or wild hearts or things are looking up or i can't say i'm in love or trading time well enough to say anything about them. but i really like fallin for you it's one of those cheap fun songs but emphasis on fun, and also really like do it again one day ill write a fic based on that song

i have not listened to cool girl i put it on my to listen playlist so hopefully i remember to listen to it soon ill be honest though i dont think im prepared for ross lynch saying motherfucker w his whole chest like i think itll take me out. so. anyway. i hope you got your assignments done. thank you for the r5 lovedump feel free to drop in anytime with more

[ktwritesstuff]

twin size mattress (a cobra kai fanfic) pt. vi

Title: twin size mattress Fandom: Cobra Kai Rating: M Characters: Robby Keene, Johnny Lawrence, Original Characters Summary:  Let’s get this boy some therapy (and a punk girlfriend, of course.) Set post-season 2.  See previous chapter for more notes. Content Warning: Mature themes, vulgar language

pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii | pt. iv | pt. v | pt. vi (below cut) | pt. vii | pt. viii | pt. ix | pt. x | pt. xi

vi. For the warning signs I've completely ignored

“Amy mentioned you had a nightmare?”

Robby sat across from his counselor. Her name was Joan. She always wore her glasses on a chain around her neck and her hair was completely gray, but Robby didn’t think she was actually that old, maybe in her fifties or sixties.  He had never been to her office before; until now she had been coming out to the detention center to meet with him twice a month. 

“It’s been a while since we last talked about them.  Why do you think you’re having nightmares again?”

The building was tucked back in a little industrial park, but the inside was nicer than he expected. Joan sat at her desk taking notes and there was a plush couch decorated with faux fur pillows and a chenille blanket for him. The table beside him had peppermints and a box of tissues on it. The walls were painted a soft purple and there were framed inspirational quotes hanging on the walls.   

“It wasn’t a nightmare.”

Robby always felt like he had to be on his toes with Joan.  Court-ordered therapy didn’t have the same rules of confidentiality as regular therapy.  Joan had explained that in general she could keep the specifics of what they talked about in confidence, but she had to make reports about his progress in general.  And of course she had to report it if he threatened to hurt himself or anyone else, and now if he confessed to violating his probation. 

“Oh?” Joan prompted.  She wasn’t looking at him, trying to appear non-judgmental. 

“It was a--” Robby scrunched his face up uncomfortably.  “You know...”

“Ah,” Joan nodded, understanding.  “I can see why that might be a little embarrassing, but you know it’s completely normal.”

“I’m not embarrassed,” Robby snapped before he could stop himself.  

He sighed in defeat.  Now there was no way she was going to let it drop.

“Okay,” Joan prompted, latching on to the sudden surge of emotion like a dog with a bone.  “What are you feeling?”  

A few words came to Robby’s mind: disgusted, nauseated, repulsed.  

“Guilty,” he said finally.  It seemed like the right thing to say; it showed remorse.  Maybe he could convince her he wasn’t a predator after all.

“Why guilty?” Joan asked softly.   “Talk me through it.”

“Because,” he said, fixing his eyes on a little golden statue of an elephant sitting on the bookshelf.  “It’s a girl at my school.  I shouldn’t be thinking about her like that.”

“You don’t think you should be attracted to girls your own age?” Joan said.

“I don’t even know her,” he admitted. 

“You could get to know her,” Joan suggested.  “What’s stopping you?” 

“She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”  

Robby resisted the urge to cross his arms; who knew what she would read into a simple gesture.  He didn’t want her to think she had him on the defensive.

“Why do you say that?”  Joan said.  “I think you have a lot to offer: you’re funny, you’re kind, you’re attractive.  What’s the harm in asking her out? See what she says.”

Robby clenched his teeth so hard he felt his jaw pop.  “I’m no good.”

“Robby, I want you to look at me for a minute, okay?”  Joan said, wheeling her chair out from around her desk to get close to him.  “I can tell you don’t like the idea that you could do something to this girl that she wouldn’t want.  You didn’t do anything wrong.  You are a safe person.”

Robby nodded, but he couldn’t look her in the eye.  

“I think you should introduce yourself,” Joan said.  “Do you think you can do that?  Maybe you’ll make a friend.  Maybe once you get to know each other, you’ll find out she likes you, too.”

“And when she doesn’t?”  He grabbed a tissue from the box on the table and crumpled it up in his hands.

“You tell me,” Joan challenged.  “Let’s say you talk to her and she tells you to get lost.  What would you do?”

“I would leave her alone,” he said.  

“Exactly,” Joan said.  “You wouldn’t call her names.  You wouldn’t hurt her.  You said it yourself; you’d walk away.  There’s no harm in asking.  The worst that could happen is she turns you down.   Maybe you’ll still think about her for a while, but probably you’ll meet someone else who interests you, and you’ll move on.  The world won’t end.”

-

Robby had admitted to Zack that he couldn’t come over with the rest of the team because he was grounded.  Grounded because he didn’t want to take the SAT, and maybe because he had called his foster mother a fucking bitch.  Zack had laughed; said that if he had said something like that to his mom they’d never find the body.  It was a joke, Robby told himself, just a joke, but something about it didn’t sit right with him.  

So, after his counseling appointment, instead of going out, Amy sat Robby down at the desk in the living room and handed him an SAT prep book. 

“Since your schedule has miraculously opened up this weekend you can get some practice in,” she instructed. 

Robby couldn’t even bring himself to be angry, there was no point in complaining. He just sat there and spent the next three hours trying to decide if ‘furtive’ was more like ‘surreptitiously’ or more like ‘calculating.’  He was just getting ready to face the word problems when Amy decided to show him mercy.

“Alright, that’s enough, time for dinner,” she said, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel before she reached over and closed the book in his hands.  

Robby rubbed his eyes.  “Can I just go to bed?  I’m not hungry.”

“You have to eat something,” Amy insisted.  

“Please,” he said.  “I’m really tired.”  

Amy looked concerned.  “You think you’re coming down with something?”  

“No,” he said.  “I just need to sleep.”

“Okay,” she agreed finally.  

Robby slipped down the hall before she could change her mind.  He changed into an over-sized t-shirt and shorts and got into bed.  He pulled the covers up and closed his eyes.  He felt tired down to his bones, but he couldn’t sleep.   

Amy was trying to keep her voice down, but the walls were thin and he could hear her conferring with Jordana as they did the dishes.  

“I’m worried about how tired he is all the time.  Do you think that’s normal?”

“He’s probably depressed,” Jordana said matter-of-fact.  “You could have let him see his friends.”

“Don’t you start,” Amy snapped.  “I feel bad as it is.”  

Robby turned over and pressed his pillow over his head.  He wondered at how he could be so tired and still not fall asleep.  He turned back over and tucked the pillow back under his head.  He kicked his covers off then pulled them back up.  

After a while, Amy came in to check on him.  He turned back over onto his side as she took a seat on the end of his bed.  She brushed the hair away from his face and stuck an electronic thermometer in his ear.  She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t get up either.  

After a minute Robby opened one eye to steal a glance back at her, but she wasn’t even looking at him, she was just sitting there with her eyes closed and her hands clasped under her chin.  When she finally got up, he felt her hand hovering over his shoulder, but then she pulled back.  

Maybe Amy did feel bad for grounding him and making him study for the SAT instead of going out.  So what if she did?  If there was one thing he had learned from Joan it was that other people’s feelings were their business.  

After church the next morning, Amy shepherded them all into Walmart for groceries.  Hector was acting up so she buckled him into the cart and gave Robby and Jordana each part of her list to hunt down.  Robby tried to ignore it, but even in the crowded store people were giving them strange looks.  They didn’t match.

Robby found Amy and Hector in the freezer section and dropped the bag of rice and cans of black beans and tomatoes into the cart.

“Why don’t we get a pizza for dinner tonight,” Amy said, as though the thought had just occurred to her.  

“Yeah!”  Hector pumped his little fists in celebration.  

“We can watch a movie,” she added.  “Some family time would be good for us.”

“Moana!”  Hector chanted excitedly.  “Robby, do you know Moana?”

“I thought I wasn’t allowed to watch tv,” Robby said.

Amy pursed her lips as though she was considering his words carefully.  “But if I make you watch Moana with us, wouldn’t it still be part of your punishment?”

Robby shrugged.  Amy chuckled, but he didn’t think it was very funny.  

“I won’t make you,” she said.  “But if you want to you should.  You worked hard, you earned it.”    

If Amy thought letting him eat pizza and watch a cartoon was going to make him feel better about being her little pity project she was mistaken, but if it would get her off his back he could play the good orphan and let her have the win.

-

At dinner time, Robby took a seat on the floor by the coffee table and Hector quickly tucked himself close to Robby’s side.  Robby felt a sudden wave of ease and warmth wash over him as Hector looked up at him for approval before climbing onto his lap.  Whatever Robby had done in his life, this kid looked up to him, and trusted him.  Robby knew he had a responsibility not to let him down.  

“Hector!  No bueno!  Don’t climb on Robby like that,” Amy called, coming down the stairs with the pizza box in hand.

“He’s fine,” Robby said.  “I don’t mind.”

“Okay, make sure you tell him no if it’s too much,” Amy said.  

Amy set the pizza down and dished out slices of pepperoni while Jordana got the movie started.  Robby was still surprised that Amy was actually going to let them eat in front of the tv.  For the first time, he was reminded of being home with his mom, the few precious times in his life when he really felt secure and safe and loved. 

“You going to eat that?”  Jordana asked, reaching over his shoulder to steal the leftover crust off his plate.

“No, I don’t like the crust,” Robby said.  

“The crust is the best part,” Jordana said.  “It’s basically a breadstick.”

“I don’t like crust either,” Hector added, pushing his paper plate away dramatically.

“Is that so?”  Jordana teased, lifting a piece of crust from Hector’s plate and holding it in front of his face.  Hector considered it for a moment.  

“I changed my mind,” he said, snatching the crust back from her and stuffing it in his mouth.  

“Yeah, I thought so,” Jordana laughed.

Amy took their empty plates to the trash while the movie played.  She came back down the stairs with an extra pillow that she slipped behind Robby’s back so he could sit more comfortably against the couch with Hector still curled up in his lap.

Amy sat back on the couch with a blanket draped across her lap, but when Hector nodded off sometime between “You’re Welcome” and “Shiny” she draped the blanket over the two of them without comment. 

This sort of family time, if family is what he could call it, felt different from anything Robby had before.  It wasn’t like being with his mom, when words liked ‘grounded’ weren’t even part of her vocabulary.  And it wasn’t like it was with the LaRusso’s either, where--as nice as it was--there were times even Robby had to admit he felt more like the family pet than a teenager still trying to figure out who he was and where he belonged. 

As the credits rolled Jordana gave Amy a brief kiss goodnight and retired to her bedroom.

“Come on, buddy,” Amy said, rubbing Hector’s back until he started sitting up sleepily.  “Movie’s over.  Time for bed.”

Hector whined, resisting Amy’s attempts to get him on his feet. 

“I can take him up,” Robby offered, shifting Hector’s weight in his arms so he could get to his feet and carry him up the stairs.

“Careful on the stairs,” Amy warned, following close behind him.  

“Su corazón,” Hector murmured, close to Robby’s ear, his arms draped over Robby’s shoulders and his legs wrapped tightly around Robby’s waist.  “Ella no es mala.”    

Robby took Hector to his room and put him into bed, pulling the covers up over him.

“What’s that?” Robby asked, but Hector was out like a light the moment his head hit the pillow.

Robby returned to the kitchen where Amy was assembling sandwiches and bags of chips and celery for lunches for the coming week.

“I think he’s out,” Robby said.  “You need anything else?”

“Thank you, Robby,” Amy said, offering him a warm smile.  “You’re really good with him.  You know that?  He really appreciates all of the extra attention.”

Robby shrugged, but he could feel the blood rising in his cheeks.

“Maybe you can invite your friends over some time?” she said.  “I could take you to the movies or to play pinball at Frijoles.”   

While he had grown accustomed to a complete lack of privacy he still didn’t appreciate being quite scrutinized. He certainly didn’t like being told where he could go and who he could see.  But he didn’t mind being part of a family.  Looking after Hector made him feel good.  He appreciated Jordana’s straight talk and honesty.  Even with Amy, at least he always knew where he stood.  It wasn’t like with his dad, always running hot or cold with no in-between.  Even the way Mr. LaRusso had turned on him had left him reeling, even though deep down he knew he shouldn’t have been surprised.

Amy was different, maybe it was because she was legally responsible for him, but she was steady, constant.  There was no “this was a mistake” he was just “part of the family.” Even if that meant taking the bitter with the sweet. 

“I know we haven’t quite figured each other out yet, but you are a wonderful young man,” Amy said.  “I hope you believe that, or at least believe that I believe it.”     

 In the end, Robby figured Jordana was right.  It wasn’t all bad.       

Robby couldn’t believe he was actually going to take Joan’s advice.  On dating of all things.  But Monday after school he wandered back across campus to the art wing, half hoping he would see the girl with the pottery wheel again half hoping he wouldn’t.  The truth was, what he really wanted was the chance to get her out of his system.   If he could introduce himself, he would know right away that she wasn’t interested, and maybe then he could get her out of his head.

He stuck his head into one of the classrooms, but there was no one at the pottery wheel.  He turned to leave, but then out of the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of platinum blonde hair.  

It was the same girl, straddling one of the drawing horses on the far side of the room.  She was wearing a pale green babydoll dress and fishnet tights with her Docs.  

Robby took a breath and headed toward her.  She had earbuds in, so he came around to her side and waved, trying not to surprise her.  She looked up at him and took out one of her earbuds.

“Hi,” Robby said.

She was working with a charcoal pencil that stained her fingers black.  He thought it might be a self portrait, but the proportions were all stretched out and weird.  Not like Picasso; it was better. 

“That’s awesome,” he said, nodding to her drawing.  

“Thanks,” she said.  Her voice was deeper than he thought it would be, considering how small she was. It had a raspy sort of quality that he found really sexy.

“I’m Robby,” he said.

“Haley,” she said, the corner of her purple-stained lips appeared to twitch upward.  Maybe she was going to smile, or maybe she was just humoring him until he got the hint and beat it.

Robby cleared his throat.  It was now or never.

“I really like your style and your art and you seem like a cool person and I’d like to get to know you,” he took a breath.  “If you want.”

“Okay,” Haley gave a small laugh and Robby thought for sure she was about to tell him to pound sand.  “You have third period lunch, right?”

“Yeah,” Robby said.  Had she seen him at lunch?  Had she remembered him?

“You always ask for a hall pass,” she said.   He felt his heart leap into his throat.  “Maybe tomorrow we can sit together?”

Robby nodded, “That would be awesome.”  

He remembered the earbud dangling from one ear.  

“What are you listening to?”

“Do you know War on Women?” she asked.  Robby shook his head.

Haley waved him closer and took her spare earbud and pressed it to his ear.  The music was loud--electric guitar riff, strong bass, snare drums and cymbals, female vocals, scream-singing.  

“It’s riot grrrl,” he said, nodding along with a spark of recognition.  Haley was smiling.  They were so close.  “I like it.”     

“You do?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said, returning the earbud to her.  “I do.  What other bands are you into?”

“What’s your Insta?” she asked, holding up her phone.  “I’ll send you a playlist.”

“Uh, I can’t really use social media,” he said.  “I don’t have a smartphone.”

Again, technically true.  He didn’t need to mention that he had to delete his profiles because Miguel’s friends from Cobra Kai kept sending him death threats.  

“That’s a first,” she said. She opened the contacts on her phone and handed it to him.  “Put in your info.  We can talk on the phone.  Retro.”

Robby laughed, plugging in his number and email.  He took his own phone out of his pocket to find that he already had text messages waiting for him.

“Sorry, I gotta run,” he said.  “I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“See you tomorrow, Robby,” she said.

Amy knew something was up the moment he got in the car.  His heart was pounding.  He couldn’t stop smiling.

“Did you have a good day?” she asked.  Robby nodded; he didn’t trust himself to say anything.

“Hold on, you’ve got something on your face,” she said, reaching into the console for a napkin.  “Here.” 

Robby pulled down the visor and looked in the rear-view mirror.  There was a black smudge at the corner of his jaw, under his ears.  He took the napkin from Amy and wiped the spot from his face, folded the napkin, and tucked it into the front pocket of his backpack.     

[mousehole5000]

 this is it... the final post.... 226 through THE END!!!!!

this shit with mu qing and the river of lava is SOOOO dramatic im loving it

oh my god theyre on a FUCKING bridge of course they are okay let’s go boys

“You’re right. We’re alike. You think me odd, I think you to be rather weird too.” - so what im getting from this is that xie lian and mu qing are the only characters in this book with working gaydar okay yup got it this checks out

god... the fact that xie lian is ready to be like “look mu qing we can just forget about the past it doesnt matter we dont have to be friends i know you dont like me but im not gonna let you die over it” and then mu qing is like “.... god i really do admire you huh”

“You...certainly...are rather amazing. You’re...also...a better person...than me. Long story short, I...very much wanted...to become your f-f-friend.”  - going to think about this for the rest of all time im about to become utterly unintelligible im overcome with emotions

“And, at the end of the white silk band, Feng Xin was gripping Ruoye with one hand while the other was holding on to a steel-faced Mu Qing, and he shouted towards him.” - the fucking IMAGE of this im gonna cry this is everything i could have asked for im so happy also mu qing dangling there like “ welp. guess ill live“

“Feng Xin was almost burnt by that pillar of fire, and he shouted in outrage. “WHAT’S WITH THIS BAND OF DOG SHITS, ATTACKING PEOPLE WHILE THEY’RE DOWN, SO VILE! FUCK YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!” Xie Lian responded, “IF THEIR ENTIRE FAMILIES ALL LOOK LIKE THAT, YOU SURE YOU WANT TO FUCK THEM??” - theyre so funny!!! and theyre best friends!!! theyre joking together now in the middle of all this i could cry theyre back!!!

“Using sticks as arrows, he held the bow with one hand and used his teeth to bite back the bowstring.” - no clue how practical this is but okay archer boy. hot

i actually have so many little quips between the three of them highlighted but we’d be here all night if i included them all. im literally so delighted by this omg worth the wait

“Each sabre strike slashed to the bone. It wasn’t like Xie Lian had never seen Hua Cheng use the sabre before in the past, but his style had always been easy and leisurely, nonchalant and casual. Rather than say he was handling a weapon, it was more like he was toying with a small knife. Yet those blade marks were filled with killing intent. It was easy to imagine just how skilled the one exchanging blows with him was, and how perilous this battle.” you have no idea how mad i was when i read this and thought we missed witnessing the fight between hc and jw omg

“Behind him, Feng Xin muttered, “Dear fucking god, may all the gods and buddhas grant their blessings, that better absolutely be Crimson Rain Sought Flower, otherwise he’s gonna go mad!” “Stop your rubbish,” Mu Qing berated. “We’re all the gods and buddhas ourselves and we can’t grant shit, just keep up with him! Look at the stumbling way he’s running, he’s gonna trip and fall to his bloody death before he even sees the man!” - okay i know i said no more quips but this is literally too funny i just wanted to read it again

“ However, for whatever reason, that vicious ghost, in its muddled state, took that large group of live mortals under its wing and fled for many days. In the end, they were still surrounded by millions of ghosts, trapped in a dead end, and it was going to be eaten along with those humans.” [...] “That vicious ghost almost made a move against those humans, but for some reason, in the end, it didn’t. It instead used one of its own eyes as the price to forge a blood weapon. That vicious ghost was already forcibly hanging on with its last breath; after digging out its eye it should’ve broken apart completely. Yet somehow something had shocked it, and it instead woke to its senses completely. “ - THIS IS AMAZING ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? IS THIS ALL WE GET ABOUT HIS GHOSTLY LORE?????? HUA CHENGGGGGGGG

“What a terrible offence, his old habit had come out, and he quickly apologized. “I’m sorry! You don’t have to listen to me!” Hua Cheng, however, only smiled happily. “Everything gege tells me is the best advice, so why wouldn’t I listen?” - this isnt the fucking time afjdkfjsdkl they really never stop

“So you can hold the illusion of a perfect Crown Prince of Wuyong to face and dismiss the Jun Wu now. Isn’t that your objective? Did you think I don’t know what you’re thinking?” “THAT’S NOT IT!” Guoshi cried. “Stop getting tied up in right and wrong, victories and defeat, I’VE NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAY BEFORE!” - jun wu only being able to see xie lian as his successor and believing that thats all anyone else sees too... okay

honestly this whole final showdown was a blast i cant put everything in but it was so much fun to read. the DRAMA the LAVA the SHOUTING t

“Hua Cheng had poured too much spiritual power into him. There really was too much, so much that it was completely outside the amount the cursed shackle could withstand.” - okay.... okay... the love you give will set you free... okay....

“With Jun Wu in his grip, he carried both their bodies and forcefully slammed into the incomparably-solid rock wall! He used all of his power in this smash, and in the rumbling and crashing of rocks, he also heard the sound of something breaking.” [...] “A moment later, Jun Wu suddenly asked, “That move. What is it called?” “...” Xie Lian raised his sleeve and wiped away the blood on the side of his face. “Shattering boulders on the chest.” YES!!!!! YES!!!!! xie lian actually lived that life!!!!!! i loved this detail so much

“After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.” - xie lian... good... another detail i love. a hat that protects from the rain, given in a moment of need, even to someone who has caused you hardship... we do not forget the kindness granted to us

“There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.” - :pleading: i wish it was just that easy tbh. “i have to tell you about the worst parts of myself” “ive already seen them and i dont care i still love you“ truly the dream

“ It’s been so long since anyone listened to me talk, won’t you stay? Don’t...actually do this. I won’t be able to take it. Twice, it’s been twice already! I really don’t want there to be a third time!!!” - the bit about just wanting someone to listen to him talk... xie lian... :(

emily corpse bride moment.... i knew it had to happen.... butterflies.... death and rebirth.... inevitable

xianle trio bickering about ruoye..... mu qing complaining but not letting anyone else fix it... im so happy

“The Rain Master sat down on the spot, looking like she was going to perform a passing service for her. After all, Xuan Ji was the only one left of the Kingdom of Yushi besides herself.”  - xuan ji you sure the hell were... a character. this little moment tho..... yushi huang... many thoughts

“ Who hasn’t made promises, or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hang around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.” - jian lan im happy for you bummer it didnt work out with feng xin but yeah that was looooong ago. also this quote me same mood kin but its chill. having it once was already good enough

although yeah tbh if theres anyone who can have a forever like that... it would be a ghost and a god

fasdfjadklfj GOD... pour one out for ling wen.. but is that not the truth of this world? the one can be pardoned for being good at paperwork that no one else wants to do? isnt that the plot of the shawshank redemption?

okay but the fact that all xie lian’s friends come to visit him while he waits for hua cheng is making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.... fengqing coming together to try to get him out of the house but get scared off by his cooking... amazing

“Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other. This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.” - im completely unaffected by this. im not lying i swear (i am lying im very emotionally affected)

okay i love this final wrap up chapter party its so fun. mu qing moving on from the broom thing!!! good for him!! the beggars get their reward!!! the fun ghost city chefs!! SQX!!!! and he xuan is?? here too??? he’s hungry??? fjadlkfjsdl

“The grounds that Feng Xin and Mu Qing had just swept were once again filthy from that giant crowd of muddy feet. Mu Qing gripped his broom, looking like he felt someone had infected him with fleas, and his eyes were wide.” - me when my dad comes into the kitchen when ive just finished washing dishes i get it king

the little folklore bit... fun!!! oh my god its over..... :(

that was really fun i had a blast reading it and on the whole really liked it i WISH soo badly that hua cheng had gotten more outside of being cunty and devoted even tho those are both important i just wish there was more about like how he got by during those 800 years and like did he ever have doubts? what shaped his worldview was it all xie lian or was it his experience as a mortal as well? why is he so mean to e’ming? theres bits and pieces here and there and i know it was already SO long but that really would have been great if there was more about hc cuz tbh by the end, at least for me, the hualian relationship didnt actually feel as fleshed out as the xianle trio relationship like i still liked hualian’s dynamic and it was really sweet how much they clearly really liked each other and  everything but i kind of wish some of the other subplots had been dropped or diminished in favor of more hc development i think that would have been cool

but anyway thats some of my thoughts and i really did enjoy the hell out of book 5 that was a riot and uhhh thanks to everyone who read these or commented *lends you spiritual energy through a high five*

[oh-no-whoopsie]

reasons I love kip!! (aka @ghostsingold) 

(making this post bc they deserve all the love and my meds have kicked in so im able to be productive today. thanks long-acting adderall!!) 

kip I love you for so many reasons and as I fill out college applications im gonna list them out <3 no special occasion its just! you make me happy and I wanted to share that with you and since I have a teeny blog no one will see this but you <3 

1.) this response to a post I made on my old blog. it was one of my first positive interactions on Tumblr and this tiny piece of writing made that entire week easier. it was a tiny start to a friendship and it was also a stranger caring for me, which at that time I didn’t think was possible. 

2.) every single time that they have been a part of the Brown Eye Stan Club and hyped up brown eyes,,,,dude I can’t you’ve been such a big part of the journey to accept my brown eyes. it means so much to me that you just? say it!! you’re proud of the fact you love brown eyes! hell yeah dude! thank you!

3a.) for sending me songs that remind you of me??? to have someone think of me?? MY HEART?? I- I can’t express how much it means to me I just,, hnnhhh you even made me a fucking playlist (which I listen to CONSTANTLY) (here is the playlist ) just. dude. I love you 

4.) one of those songs is Glitter & Gloss by Skott and 

          a) this song makes me feel like a fucking badass 

          b) made me feel so appreciated and loved because it was the first time someone had said “this song reminds me of you!” 

          c). when I was stalking your blog trying to find my old posts I found this post about that song and?? sunbeams through Spanish moss? trees? pretty?? is this how you see me?? im in love????? also this ask I sent you where you describe your love for the sun <3 the implication that I am even a little bit like the sun to you makes me wanna cry happiness 

5.) Your taste in music is SUPERB. IMPECCABLE. A DELIGHT. 

6.) Someday I will have the strength to do naniwrimo with you and that will be a glorious month (and next September we should be able to be writing buddies!!!!! because now I have meds for attention span so I can write again >:) ) 

7.) A long time ago (old blog) I asked for people to give me nicknames because I never got cute nicknames and because I could only ever insult myself. for the longest time I forgot what you said but I remembered!!!! it was birdie!!

          a). even though now most people call me doe cuz of bumblebee, you were the first person to reply to that post and just because milk suggested fawn/doe and it stuck doesn’t mean I love birdie any less 

          b.) it means a lot that you suggested it in the first place and while I was finding links for this post I came across this ask where you call me birdie :> p.s. you still mean a lot to me and I hope you’re okay <3 

8.) every single time you sent me a picture of a frog :),, also that one post about taking fake shots of water still sends me but I can’t find it to link it,, and also everything you listed on this post including the fact that it is inspired by my post

9.) when you agreed to talk to people for me when I was panicking thinking they were going to die but had to go to sleep. that means so much that you would take that role on and dude I am so so sorry I ever asked that of you. 

10). you made me find magic in the sunlight and not just the moonlight, you helped me find that balance and accept that piece of me and it sounds stupid but its really important ok also im just gonna say it: your voice is perfection it is comfort it is warm and all things good in this world. ive only heard you speak like twice but I could listen to you for the rest of my life

11.) sometimes you send me posts that r like “thinking of you!!” and THEY MAKE MY DAY omfg 

12.) when you drew me!!! 

          a.) bc holy shit you are an amazing artist if you let me I want to post that drawing of me on my blog

          b.) I was supposed to draw you in return I am sorry I did not,, I still plan on doing it tho 

          c.) we drew ourselves as fairies and that was pretty fun 

          d.) you made me see beauty in myself I- 

13.) for never once encouraging my ed or bad habits. you were ready to call me tf out and I appreciate that so much dude? you were never subtley pro you also seem ready to stab anyone who opposes you. hell you post callouts against pr0-ana shit and m**nspo and f*tspo and photoshop and all of it. I admire you so much 

14.) for letting me ramble on about hermes and offerings and spirituality! 

15.) for lighting a candle for Catherine and talking with me that night

(I have the entire conversation copied into a google doc on my phone because it needed to be saved. the things you said are beautiful. it is so touching and breathtaking and if I could hug you I would and  I promise not to forget if you won’t forget. )

16.) holy shit dude P O E T R Y, both for being so good at it and for reading mine. 

17.) helping validate my arospec questioning and enby questioning,,, it was actually through your blog that I realized oh shit! I might be aro!! and having someone to talk about gender issues and arospec stuff is SO AMAZING and I love you <3 and thank you for talking with me and for helping me and for validating me 

18) validating my anger!! or at least helping to do so! you point out when things are unfair! you genuinely want my life to improve! you helped me realize some of my friends are shitty! you helped me accept things! 

19.) I love your vibes. I can’t say this enough but somehow you are just so wonderful to me,,, you are amazing I can’t describe it. you are ethereal and terrific and your features could be anywhere from beautiful to cryptic to solid to handsome but I promise you that there is something unique about you. a bit of mystery and magic left over from the days when fairytales were real. you have all the power of the sun and light and fire in both the life giving and the destructive aspects. you are so perfect and wonderful thank you 

20.) because you told me “you do not deserve to be traumatized” and in all honesty that slapped me into reality. if i still had my old Tumblr I probably would’ve screenshotted it so I could get the exact quote but I do not know how to make you understand How Much That Helped me 

all in all,,,, I must end the list here because I need to go be productive. alas.there is more I didn’t even BEGIN to mention,,, but kip, you are my rae of sunshine. someday we are going to go be cryptic authors in Scotland who disappear into the woods, perhaps to hunt with the faeries, perhaps no, who knows. we will become part of the local lore,, independent and happy and spooky. 

I love you so much!  also sorry I went through your archive to find all this,,,, to be fair I already did it once to find my posts <3 

I would never say that just one person “saved me”. thats too big of a responsibility to share. but kip, you helped save me, in ways I can’t explain, from myself and from death and from an abyss of numbness. you saved me from a thousand tiny deaths and gave me a thousand new pieces of life and I would not be the person I am today without you. I love and appreciate you so much and you bring me sunlight and joy and peace and connection. you are a true friend to me. thank you for being here. you deserve the world and so much more.