#one could mistake me for a directionator

[starseneyes]

Did you like the confession of feelings from 5.08? From Tim and Lucy?

Hey, Anon! Thanks for the message. This is a tricky one.

I tend not to post my negative thoughts much on here. Partly because I understand that so much of a show comes together because of many parties contributing to an overall whole. Showrunners. Writers. Actors. Producers. Networks. Editors. Directors. Directors of Photography. And the list goes on.

There are things that bug me sometimes about any number of areas, but I tend to keep it to myself. It doesn't seem productive to point something out on an episode that's "in the can" and mentioning it does nothing but come off as whining.

So, I'll answer this honestly because you asked directly—I liked it, but didn't love it, simply because I was confused in the middle, and that pulled me out of the moment.

I have a very hard time being "in the moment" with any television show. Let me explain why:

My mother's a hair and makeup artist in the industry. When I was a kid, I was very badly bullied by classmates, teachers, and even guidance counselors. I was slapped, kicked, tripped, punched, threatened, and had my belongings hidden, manure put in my backpack, and zero support at the school level.

My Mom's answer? She would write me a sick note and take me on set. Most of the directors were super nice, and would invite me to sit behind them at the monitors so I could watch everything.

Sometimes I helped at Craft Service. Sometimes I simply sat and watched scenes. Sometimes I was an extra. I even acted a bit way back in the day. Many of the folks would talk to me, tell me about what they did and why.

At night, my mother left her scripts out for me to collate. Sometimes, we'd get dailies or advanced copies of the episodes and I'd get to sit down and see how they compared to the script. Then compare that to the as-aired editions. I was always fascinated by the changes that came down.

I wrote my first script at 13, an episode of Star Trek: Voyager. I was complimented for the dialogue being spot-on, and to this day the biggest compliments I get are on dialogue and character. For whatever reason, that's always come easy.

I grew up in a very strange way as a set kid who also fell in love with how it all worked. I was a Film Minor in college and had a lot of fun getting blood advice from my mother (drop of blue), and I loved editing.

On top of that, one of my first jobs as a kid was doing voice replacement for Anime. And I spent about 20 years as a contract player with Studio Center doing commercials, books on tape, on-hold messages, and whatnot.

All that to say—lots of stuff stands out to me that most people don't care about a lick. I get excited by camera movements and continuity. I marvel at what we can do with drones vs having to hire a helicopter. I think about the lighting and how to motivate directionality depending on the scene.

Lucy and Tim's conversation (wow, I finally found my way back to the plot) is very them.

I've seen the shows where people have big, over-reaching confessions of their love for one another. And it fit. those. characters.

Tim and Lucy have a history of running from their feelings. For Lucy, she thought that Tim rejected her when he encouraged her to go to UC School. For Tim, he thinks that he's her greatest mistake—an almost that never should have been.

So this whole episode, Tim has been trying to encourage Lucy as a friend. He's not looking for anything. He truly is doing what he can for her, because he doesn't think she wants more. He thinks "she wants me to be her friend" and he's going to do it to his utmost.

Lucy's not even thinking about breaking up with Chris until Tim says she deserves someone who's worth the effort. That gets her brain going. Then Tim points out that Chris loves her, and she admits she doesn't love him.

"He's just not—"

You. You. We all know it's YOU. And as she's now reeling, because even if she didn't say it aloud, she thought it. "He's just not you."

And what do you do with that type of realization? That you're comparing this other guy you're actively dating to the guy beside you. So, Lucy Chen finishes out her shift, gets changed, and sets out to talk to Tim about the whole thing.

She goes into that conversation with the motivation that she wants to talk about them. But Tim's still in friend-mode, so he doesn't see the signals.

That's why it burst out of her. And I don't mind that. I don't mind it at all.

But Tim not acknowledging the change of conversational direction has always bothered me. Especially when it looks like they cut a line from him that very well may have been, "If we do this."

We skipped straight to, "No, you're right." And the first time through, I was super confused, I'll admit. The lack of acknowledgement from Tim just threw me.

There are probably a lot of people out there who weren't bothered at all. But watching Tim's body language indicate a line that was cut really confused me, and then his lack of acknowledgement of the change of direction puzzled me.

Again, you asked my thoughts directly, so I'm giving them openly. But I can hear a bunch of people rolling their eyes at me. Yes, I know I'm odd and what bothers me in a scene is odd.

Because, I don't have beef that Lucy blurted out what was really going on between them because she got impassioned by Tim's assertions about her fear and answered unthinkingly.

I think that's completely in character, especially considering her entire motivation in this scene was to feel that out with Tim. And Tim's surprise and trying to process is in-character, too, but I really missed that conversational transition the first time through. And it still stands out to me on every re-watch.

I know some people wanted a big, emotional love confession... but that's not Tim and Lucy. Neither of them is big about making speeches.

Tim talks often in two or three word sentences (see "Unless it is"). Lucy speaks rapidly, sometimes, but not in an overly elloquent fashion littered with metaphors and emotional revelations. They both tend to be fairly to-the-point in how they communicate.

If we were to get something flowery and flowy from Lucy, I'd expect it in her wedding vows, when she's had time to sit and compose something. She'll attack it like she does her UC work—thoroughly.

And Tim will find ways to show Lucy how he feels. He's more of a show guy, remember? Words aren't his forté, and if they suddenly were, it would be out of character.

Lucy speaks Tim. So, she'll know by his actions how much he loves and cherishes her.

And much as Lucy uses her words, I'd expect more pet-names and short bursts of affection (like telling him he'd do great on his first day) combined with the pranking and awkward photos that have been prevalent throughout their relationship, no matter the phase.

So, did I like the confession? Yes. It was very in-character. Did I love it? No. I had a bit of a hangup, but that's just me. I bet nobody else even noticed, or if they did, they didn't care.

I'm not here to criticize the Writers. I know the care that goes into crafting these characters and their relationships. The hours spent working together to break story, drafts, network notes, and so on. There are so many layers before we even get on-set to start shooting the darn thing.

I think a grand confession from either of them would have felt forced, heavy-handed, wildly out-of-character, and out of the character of the show as a whole. It wouldn't make sense to compromise the integrity of The Rookie for the sake of Chenford.

I do hope that answers your question (and makes a modicum of sense). It's entirely just my opinion! Everyone's mileage may vary, and that's part of what makes fandom fun. Thanks for the message!!

[seafoamchild]

the months are flying by. it's still grey and windy here. snow the other day, five inches! rain, slush, damp. i can't wait for everything to bloom.

i went to florida with T. it was wonderful. we went snorkeling, kayaking, ate a lot of seafood, drove around the keys, went on a sunset cruise, went to the aquarium and the turtle hospital and the bird sanctuary. we played cribbage. i went skydiving. then in miami we ate more delicious food, went to museums, and then to an exclusive rooftop DJ event. went to the beach at night when the moon was half full and the soft ocean waves were gentle. the lights of the city glimmering against the night sky behind us.

this was one of my favorite trips. the easiness of it all, the shared wonder at everything we learned. the slightly drunken conversations over a double tequila soda on a dive bar patio at night. the morning espresso fix from the coffee shop with two cats. making up stories about the fish at the aquarium. tripping at the art museum. making fun of each other for being directionally challenged. spotting birds and trying to identify them.

i think i've been trying to find reasons why it won't work out with T because i'm just afraid. relationships have never worked out for me, and they've always been really intense and really codependent and ultimately really painful and damaging and leaving me full of regret. i'm scared at the thought of hanging on for too long again, breaking up when it becomes completely unbearable, and then losing all hope of maintaining a friendship. i've done that dance five times now and it's so horrible.

with T something feels different though. i don't feel anxious when we're not in continuous contact. i don't count the minutes it takes him to text back. i feel calm. i know he wants to see me as much as i want to see him. i'm not constantly questioning how much he actually likes me, i just know that he does. and he shows up for me in so many ways - he helped me tape plastic over my stupid car window in the pouring rain, he let me borrow his car when it was snowing, he buys me vegan snacks when i tell him i'm giving up animal products. he tells me not to apologize for my feelings and validates me when i'm upset. he assures me he thinks i look amazing the way i am, but if i really want to lose weight he'll support me as long as i'm doing it in a healthy way. he holds my hand and tells me it's going to be okay when i'm freaking out. he owns up to all of his mistakes. he cares about my friends and asks how they're doing.

of course i'm still planning on leaving wisconsin this summer and i'm dead set on that. he says he just wants me to be happy and he doesn't want me to get anxious over what's going to happen with our relationship, that he's enjoying the time we have right now. i never imagined that love could feel this sweet, this easy. i'm realizing that i may not know what i truly need - i had a tendency to think it was someone who had also traveled the world, who had a bunch of cool hobbies, who had some kind of cool job. but i think it's making sense to me now. that what i really need is someone who's loving, patient, gentle, kind, and willing to try it all with me. i don't need someone who already has the same hobbies and interests and experiences as me - i need someone who wants to do things together in the future. the most important thing is that we're on the same team and that we have each other's happiness in mind.

i don't know what will happen over the next several months, but for some reason i feel at peace with that.

[lunarreverb]

I just finished the new epilogue! I enjoyed it a lot! Long thoughts about videogame storytelling mechanics generally but also the epilogue too:

Honestly, what a treat. It is so difficult not to be charmed by this game over and over, and the love Larian keeps pouring into it. And while we could 'well actually' about how the original ending was rushed and how all of this stuff should have been in there from the jump or that we should actually also be getting all of the cut content and all of that - I mean, I wouldn't be UNHAPPY if they restored more cut stuff and kept giving us more and more and more - but I can't find it in me to be too upsetti spaghetti with anything we're 'missing' now, as of getting the epilogue, the way that something like the ending of Mass Effect 3 made me...upsetti spaghetti with meatballs. And maybe it's because BG3 landed on me in a different time in my life, or maybe it's because even though it's technically a sequel in a series, it didn't wind me up with anticipation the way the finale of a firmly stated trilogy did. In any case I guess right now I just feel content. BG3 has been a precious and joyful journey, little bugs, snags and all.

(Except with the way spawn Astarion gets treated when the sun lands on him at the docks, that's still so fucking rude, but being able to see him thriving in the epilogue soothes that hurt.)

But! the epilogue being set after a time skip also has me thinking about one of the other minor hangups I had about the main story of BG3, that I have largely been happy to forgive since I imagine the challenges of balancing storytelling and videogame mechanics are just, a LOT - but I sometimes felt pacing of things in BG3 was a bit unintuitive? Or unnatural? All of the adventures the party had and the amount of character growth I witnessed seemed miles out of sync with the number of days that I was manually toggling with long rests. This was especially true in my first, doomed playthrough, when I made the rookie mistake of rationing my Long Rests really hard, and I missed out on so so sooo many scenes and completely bungled starting the Astarion romance. It had literally just been a few ‘days’ that my party had known each other when I got to the tiefling party, after all, surely I wouldn’t need to lock in my romance with someone by this 'early game' event? Nevermind how may in-game hours it had been?

(That first playthrough attempt was a disaster for so many reasons, not least of all because I didn’t even find Astarion right away on my first attempt searching the beach. Complete dumpster fire. While I think I am grateful that I skipped EA so the whole story could be fresh to me, I still wonder if having a quick jog through the Act 1 map before committing to a 'real' playthrough would have spared my directionally-challenged ass a lot of grief.)

And I don't know how one would go about fixing this 'mismatch' necessarily, or even if it's even altogether important to get hung up on that. It's less of an issue in other games that invent little, blind gaps between events - non-open worlds, where your marker moves along a map between locations of interest and you may imagine to your liking the amount of time that has passed off-stage. Or, games where the day-night cycle occurs independently of your actions. I don't think the latter necessarily suits a game like BG3 where choice is king, but I wonder if there could have been more places to imply time passing 'between' regions, after events... I don't know! Maybe that's not right either. I'm just saying there's no way the owlbear cub should've grown all the way up in what must've been a few actual weeks? Maybe?

ANYWAY, tangent aside - the epilogue is precious, and my major point is that I appreciate that there's a timeskip in there. It really felt like the characters had some realistic space to grow and make personal progress and I'm so happy for all of them. Halsin's duck almost made me cry, guys, for real.

...um. Happy for everyone, except Gale. I really fucked up with Gale in my Tav run. Honestly, he is so fascinating because I simultaneously feel multiple ways about him, and he's been an entertaining challenge to figure out roleplaying around. I like him as a character on paper, and I want wholesome things for him, but this face is how my Tav feels about him even as a god:

"Fucking wizards, man."

Anyway, I still have to finish my run with my Gale-mancing Durge, so I can look forward to this interaction going better with a regular-flavor Gale when I get there. I was in honesty kinda running out of steam to finish my Durge run, but this new patch is kind of giving me a boost for it.

I'm ALMOST tempted even to do another run just with my old Tav again, maybe on a harder difficultly, for shits and giggles. Or an Origin character run. Or something else! Faerûn is my oyster!

[zot3-flopped]

So I’m a late bloomer because I didn’t become a fan of Harry’s until SOTT. I was a teenager when One Direction, Jonas Brothers, and Big Time Rush were a thing so boy bands were a no for me. Needless to say I wasn’t a Directioner. I did of course know who they were and was so shocked when they broke up and all of the others appeared to be doing better than Harry. Everyone knew Harry was the lead and you didn’t have to a Directioner to see that. Even Louis had some success with JHO because even though it didn’t chart it was played everywhere where I live. I can only imagine how cocky the others must have gotten back then because they all expected Harry to come out on top and here they all were seemingly doing better than him. They wouldn’t have all felt that way if they didn’t all see Harry as the frontman themselves, but I digress. Harry was actually smart with starting the way that he did. He needed to distance himself away from the boy band stigma that has never left the others. Zayn tried to do it with PT and his collab with Chris Brown and Usher, but then he turned around and put out IF as his next album and most of those songs fell into the boyband-who-wants-to-have-an-R&B-sound pocket. Liam was all over the place doing genre after genre like he was Justin Bieber who had already established himself as a Pop artist and could play around with different genres. Liam was straight out of a boyband and should have been focused on people taking him seriously. Louis, even though can’t sing, could have had success if he stayed with songs like JHO and NTY because the beats would have overshadowed his voice kind of like what other artists who don’t have strong voices do. Niall should have stayed with country because that’s what his voice sounds like he sings when he speaks and is why SH did so well. However, all of them thought so much of themselves that they figured they could experiment with all of these genres and sounds and it didn’t work out for them. Harry played it smart. He was taken seriously musically and proved he was a touring force. Now Harry gets to experiment with sounds and genres and can pull it off by placing songs like Sushi and Boyfriends on the same album without anyone looking twice. I guess it really is HarryKarma that the others wanted to beat him so badly. Now they have all messed up their own careers by trying to play catch-up to what Harry does.

What genre is Zayn’s new album going to be? His last single was more Pop so I guess he’s going back to full Pop. Niall tried to go back slightly to songs like TT as if he wanted a do-over but that didn’t work out for him. Liam will probably try reggae next because I don’t think he learns from his mistakes. Louis will keep doing what he’s doing because he has Larries and they’ll always root for him because he plays the underdog really well.

Sorry this got so long. I saw that other anon mentioning how each of their solo careers began and I had to post. You will never understand how confusing it was for me to love HS1 so much but see his ex bandmates doing better with horrible, generic music. Well, expect for PT and SH. I still like those. I know you’re a fan of IF, but I think all of those songs sound like they were created by AI. STD should have stayed in the studio, but the song did help Liam get at least one hit as a solo artist so c'est la vie.

In terms of album sales and tour stats Harry was always out in the lead. Zayn, Liam and Niall had better Spotify numbers until Fine Line was released but they were not 'doing better' overall.

[forestlion]

4, 12, 21 (and then if u wanna all the 30 ones i'm just picking at random idk what those questions are dkfjslfjs)

i answered this then i clicked some random buttons and all was gone so this is a redo i wish i could remember what i wrote..........also thank you lisa RIP love ya

21: Which of the boys would you want to get drunk with?

i think........these questions are gonna be tough when i only ever stanned niall....... ive been biased since day 1 and if i ever said “i like them all equally” then that was a clear lieso to answer.....this question: im gonna hafta say niall dont i? just for the cliche. like we are both.... we both oughta fulfill the cliches of Beer Drinking Europeans although neither Ireland nor Germany is top 1 beer drinking country in europe as far as i recall. its the ch...the tcheque..... its Tschechien. the czech republic

12: What are your five favourite songs?

impossible to answer, one direction has tunes only...... but im gonna......say...... wmyb, girl almighty..... i want....uhm........fucking.... same mistakes mayhaps.....and last but not least.....temporary fix

4: Name four things that remind you of your favourite.

yeah yeah yeah ok yeah absolutely great question. o boy let me tell you what reminds me of niall. lets sit down and i will start talking. absolutely. sonr 1) ireland, i mean, iconic, yeah, nr 2) nandos bc ive been here in this here fandom for quite some time ill let you know. back when 1d was humble and youthful still and was not yet able to afford gourmet luxury food only and would actually eat something plebeian like nandos.... nr 3) guitars. not really but boy does niall sure play the guitar!nr 4) derby????? golf???? roy mcilroy

and all the 30 ones bc im self indulgent and i love to talk. depends. im a scorpio i know silence

30: Which of the boys is the best boyfriend?

i have absolutely no way of answering this i wouldnt know. i dont even know who has a girlfriend now. does niall have one? does harry? i dont know....theyre all rich sooooooooo SOOOOOOalso does anyone want a controversial opinion? dont answer this youre gonna get it anyway in case anyone reads:

is harry part of the lgbtq+ community or is he just making, sort of, the “pink” coin. if you know what i mean. does he just like the idea of being called “a gay icon”? im just. im just not really..... you know. im sure hes an ally but......is he also....profiting off of....you know. am i overthinking this. i dont really follow him bc he has no personality on social medias but ive not seen him very, generally, outspoken about..... except for sometimes waving the rainbow flag. eh

31: Which boy is which fictional character? ( Book / Movie / TV- Show )

theyre all cinderellas evil step-siblings

32: Which boy is the most like you personality-wise?

personality wise? i hope none of them no offence. but no. i cant even tell if they have a personality or if theyre just rich and count that as a personality

33: Do your friends like One Direction?1 whole real life friend @saintssebastian aint that right???? we still on this right?????? 

34: To how many of their concerts of have you been?ihgishfgishdfhdfighsdifhgsodghidh none bc i spent my entire child and teenage hood very very rurally far far away from oberhausen and berlin

35: Blond or brunette Niall?

blond. he can do what he wants with his hair but i was disappointed when he grew it out

36: What would you get your favourite for christmas?

i would get me his credit cards and him a fist to the face

37: Describe your dream-date with your fav.

we are at his house. i punch him unconcious and steal all his money,

38: Describe your dream- wedding with your fav.

we are at the wedding reception. i punch him and the priest unconcious and i steal all his money

39: Would you want kids with your fav? How many? How would you name them?

we are at the clinic. the doc and he notice the pillow ive worn for nine months. my lies are unveiled. i get up, punch them in the face and steal all their money. also i would name the child Falk

[alwayslovingharry]

Sparks Fly

A/N: I'm new to writing here on tumblr, until now I've only been a reader but since a few days ago I couldn't get the idea of this story out of my head and I felt that I could publish it. This is the first chapter of a series that I hope to continue writing. I hope you like it :)

PAIRING: Harry Styles x famous!Reader

WORD COUNT: 3.4k

WARNING: English isn't my first language so maybe they are some mistakes, sorry :/

SUMMARY: You're an actress who has been a fan of One Direction since you were a teenager but never, not even in your wildest dreams, thought you would meet Harry at one of their concerts and become friends with him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who hasn't had a directioner phase during their teenage years? Of course, YN did. She had known the band since their early days on XFactor, watching all their performances on the show and even crying when they came third in the final.

She followed the band all the way through the years they were together, although she always regretted not being able to go to any of their concerts. She was never able to go because at the same time One Direction was achieving fame, she was starting her acting career. She moved from London to New York at 16 to begin her acting studies and her first big roles soon followed, bringing her to fame as the band she adored so much.

It was in 2018, when she was finally able to fulfill her wish of going to one of their concerts, even if it was one of them solo after the hiatus. And what a concert! The end of LOT in Los Angeles was the ideal way to fulfill her dream. It was a gift from her parents, who for her 22nd birthday decided to give her the opportunity to see one of her former idols from the pit itself along with her childhood best friend, who came from London to LA for the show.

And not only that, as they got to be right in the front row, being able to enjoy the show as close as possible. She didn't care about the possibility of being recognized by Harry's fans, she had already done several important projects and even though there was a big chance of being recognized, she just wanted to enjoy the concert as much as possible. 

YN and her friend sang, screamed and enjoyed the show like never before. She thought she saw Harry watching them for a few moments during the concert but she didn't want to make a big deal out of it either. It was the best concert she had ever been to and no one could say otherwise, she didn't want it to end, and when Harry sang three times in a row Kiwi she knew he didn't either. After all, this performance was the official end of his tour.

Few minutes after the concert was officially over, they had barely started to clear the venue when one of the STAFF members approached YN and her friend, who were still waiting for their time to leave next to the stage.

“Are you YN LN?”

“Yes”

“I was sent to look for you, Harry said he saw you during the concert and wanted to say hello. He told me to ask you if you want to come backstage, he can't go out yet with all the fans around but he didn't want you to leave before he met you.”

Of course, at that moment YN was about to explode with joy. She was going to meet The Harry Styles. Unable to say anything for the excitement of the moment, she just nodded quickly and the boy moved one of the barriers that separated them from the stage so that she and her friend could pass.

YN felt her heart want to burst out of her chest as the guy led them backstage to the door of what she could imagine was a dressing room. He knocked three times before seconds passed and the door was opened by Harry himself. The staff member stepped back a bit and YN could instantly notice how his gaze fixed on her and smiled.

“Please come in“ he said with his thick British accent, opening the door and letting them into his dressing room after thanking the staff member for his help before he left. “Do you want something? Maybe some water or a snack?”

“No, thanks “they both said

“If you need anything, just ask” he wasn't wearing the performance outfit anymore, having changed to a short sleeve t-shirt and sweatpants “I'm sorry to have bothered you, but I recognized you in the audience and I couldn't miss the chance to meet you, I'm a big fan of yours.”

Harry Styles a big fan of yours? She thought she was going to faint.

“Thank you, I'm a big fan of yours too, it's really amazing to meet you.”

“Then we’re mutual fans.”

Harry laughed, causing them to laugh too. YN never imagined he could be really that close, but it had only been a few minutes and she already felt totally comfortable in his presence.

“I don't want to sound rude but...who are you? What's your name?” he asked, addressing her friend directly.

“I'm Alice, YN's best friend.”

“Oh, well, I'm Harry.” and he held out his hand for her to shake, "It's a pleasure to have met you both.”

“And for us.” YN replied,

"The concert was a blast!” opined Alice

“Thank you so much.”

“I never got to see you live before and it was quite an experience.” YN admitted

“You're going to make me blush.” he said, although his cheeks were already totally red.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and a man YN recognized as Harry's manager entered the dressing room.

“The band is waiting for you to go to dinner, H." said the manager, then turning his attention to the girls. “Hey, who are you?”

“This is YN LN and her friend Alice.” Harry introduced them.

“YN LN! That's right, I knew your face looked familiar, I'm Jeff.” The manager shook hands with both of them before looking back at his client. “I'm sorry to interrupt you, but we have the whole team waiting and a reservation that we're going to end up being late for.”

“Just give me two more minutes, Jeff.” asked Harry.

“Okay, but in two minutes I want to see you in the car that's waiting for you at the emergency exit, just two minutes. It was nice to meet you girls.”

The manager came out of the dressing room, flashing two fingers at Harry before disappearing.

“I was hoping I could have talked to you more, but my band wants me.” he said as he picked up his phone from the dressing room vanity and put it in his pocket.

“It was nice talking to you and getting to know you.” YN replied.

“It was my pleasure, I hope to see you again.”

The three of them left the dressing room and Harry quickly said goodbye to them before running down one of the corridors of The Forum.

“Looks like Harry Styles is into you.” Alice said as they walked the other way to the main exit.

“That's silly, he was just being nice”.

“You'll see, I'm telling you I'm not wrong, I can sense those things.”

They had barely left the car park when YN saw the DM's coming in.

harrystyles: Hey

Only one minute later another message appeared.

harrystyles: I'm Harry, the guy from the concert. :)

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Soon after that first meeting and those messages, it was as if they had known each other all their lives. After Harry slided into her DM’s, they started talking and arranged to meet again the next day for coffee. Harry was going to stay in LA for a while, working on his new album, and YN was going to start filming a new movie in the next few weeks. So after they went out for coffee together, they started spending time together, going for walks, working out together...even YN accompanied Harry to the studio on some occasions.

Now, ten months after their first meeting, neither of them could imagine their lives without the other. And that's why YN had an internal conflict, because her teenage crush on Harry had become a much stronger feeling. She had found that getting to know Harry better had shown her sides of him that she never imagined he could have. 

She no longer had just the image of Harry Styles, the handsome superstar who could take anyone's breath away with just one look, now she knew Harry (or H, as he preferred to be called by his friends), the boy who had grown up in a small town in England, who despite being on the other side of the world all the time still prioritised his family and whose humility had not been taken away by fame. Who made her laugh with his silliness and who surprised her from time to time with gifts and details that showed how much he listened to her and cared about her.

She had fallen in love with the person she had met only a few months ago but who had become an indispensable part of her life. 

But she didn't dare tell him about the feelings she had developed, either; she didn't want to be rejected or, worse, create a bad vibe in their friendship. She tried to hide her feelings the best she could and so sometimes she had to endure Harry telling her how other girls had hit on him. 

“Mitch had to come and save me this time, the girl was chasing me and didn't care if I told her I had to go to the bathroom, she'd walk me to the door.”

“Well, what did you expect? Every time you go out somewhere some girl tries to hit on you” YN sat next to Harry with two beers in her hands, giving him one.

YN and Harry were sitting on the couch, he had picked her up from the set of the new movie she was shooting after he had been all the day in the studio recording his new album to spend the afternoon at her house.

“It's not like I didn't expect it but... I feel bad for them, I always have to reject them and it's getting tiring.”

“I find it funny how you're tired of the attention that a lot of people wish they had, surely the girls that come up to you are like supermodels that every time they walk down the street people stare at them.”

"Well, let's not forget that the last time someone tried to hit on you, the guy looked like a mixture of Leonardo DiCaprio and Ryan Gosling in the same person. And you rejected him”

"It's different, I didn't complain that he tried to hit on me, I turned him down because I don't want anything right now and because he was way above my level, he was like a Greek god.”

“Says the actress who according to People magazine is the fifth most beautiful woman in the world, you were both at the same high level”  Harry took a sip from his bottle. “I'm just complaining that it's not the kind of attention I want. I'm a hopeless romantic, I want to find the right person, I'm not a one night stand type of person. That's why I don't like the attention in which they idolise me to try to get into my pants.

“And what kind of attention do you want to receive, Mr. Styles?”

Harry was silent for a few seconds staring at her before shifting his position on the sofa.

“I'd rather adore someone than be adored by someone, I'll just say that.” 

“Mmm," YN nodded and got back up from the couch, "I'm going to order pizza for dinner, do you have a preference? I was thinking about a four-cheese pizza or a pepperoni”

“Whatever you prefer, either is fine with me.”

YN walked to the kitchen and grabbed a pizzeria pamphlet from the fridge before sitting down in one of the chairs by the kitchen island.

“Large or Extra large?”

“Extra Large" he shouted from the living room.

She dialed the phone number on the pamphlet and began to place the order. While she was talking to the girl who was picking up the order, Harry appeared in the kitchen as he stretched his back.

“Half an hour? Perfect, thank you very much. Bye," he hung up. “Do you want to put on a movie while the pizza arrives?”

“Yes...but first I wanted to ask you something.”

“Okay, shoot the question.”

“Well...you don't have to accept of course, but I need your help.” YN noticed how he tensed up. 

“You know I'll help you with whatever you need, what's up?" Harry sighed and cleared his throat before answering.

“What I'm going to tell you is going to sound crazy, but let me explain...I have my cousin's wedding in two months, he's getting married to one of my old classmates and...I know that everyone expects me to go with a partner.”

“I hope you don't want to do what I think you want to do.”

“I need you to be my date, pretending to be my girlfriend.”

“Harry..." she growled.

“I promise if I could think of another plan I wouldn't bother you with this.”

“But what's the use? I understand that going without a date to a wedding isn't ideal, but pretending to bring one? It's too much of a rom-com cliché.”

“I know, I know, but...the last time I was with my old classmates, they remarked...they made some comments that I didn't like at all.”

Harry sat down in a chair next to YN's and she turned to look at him. His head was down and he was playing with the fingers of his hands anxiously. She brought her hand to his chin, getting him to lift his head and look at her eyes. She brought her hand to his chin, getting him to lift his head and look back into her eyes, trying to reassure him that nothing was wrong with just by him looking into her eyes.

“I never liked being labelled as a womaniser by the media, but having your childhood friends comment that you must be living a life where you can be with a different woman every day and seduce them without any problem, hurts. It makes you see the true opinion people have of you, and it hurts even more to see that even those who have known you all your life believe what the media say..”

“If they think that, they don't really know you, you've never been a womaniser.” YN sighed, they had talked several times about how the media had radically changed the reality of their lives to make them look totally different to the public. “They prefer to listen to four journalists who make up half of their articles rather than see the truth with their own eyes.”

“That's why I want to shut them up this time, if I take someone with me they're going to think that everything is different from what they thought," she is about to answer when he cuts her off, "But if you don't want to do it, it doesn't matter, I only asked you because you're the only one I'd feel comfortable doing something like this with.”

“It's just... what if a picture or a rumour leaks out? If anything comes out, our managers will kill us.”

“I don't think anything will come out, since I became famous the locals have respected my privacy every time I've been to Holmes Chapel. Besides, it would be a small, private event, nothing big. Only their families and some childhood friends.”

“But what if they find out it's not true? What if we pretend so badly that we get caught?”

“I think we know each other well enough to pretend we're in a relationship and make it totally believable, you are also a really good actress and I was in a Christopher Nolan film, I think we can make it look real. But if you're feeling pressured we don't have to.

“I don't want to live in a fake relationship with you that leaves me with expectations that could never be fulfilled," she held her tongue for a few seconds before answering. “I hope you are ready to bring out your best acting skills because I haven't won a Golden Globe for nothing.”

Harry smiled and hugged YN as he kept thanking her.

“What have I gotten myself into?” she thought.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two months after Harry asked her to pretend to be his girlfriend, YN was walking alongside him at a private terminal at Heathrow Airport. They had flown in a private jet that Harry had rented two days before the wedding so they could get used to the time difference and finish preparing everything. Before going to Holmes Chapel the next day, they had to go to Harry Lambert's studio to pick up the outfits they were going to wear to the wedding. Harry had insisted on being the one to take care of what they were going to wear to the wedding, despite YN's complaints that he wanted to pay for her dress. 

“It's my repayment for getting you into this mess.” he had said.

YN was nervous, more nervous than at the premiere of her first big film. She had been thinking about the situation for the last two months and she had a feeling that something was going to go wrong, they were going to get caught or... she would end up falling in love with the idea of having a relationship that could never be possible with Harry.

"Shall we go over the story one last time?"

"We've been going over it again and again the whole flight, I think that's it" Harry walked with his travel bag slung over one of his shoulders and dragging YN's cabin suitcase with his free hand.

"We've been dating since last Christmas," she ignored him, "we wanted to keep it under the radar so as not to create a big fuss with the press while you were working on your album and I was working on my new pro-"

"Really, I don't think you should be stressing more about all this...everything’s gonna be fine." he interrupts her as he looks at the only man at the entrance of the terminal, " Look, there's Tom.

Harry walked a little faster than YN to this man and handed him the suitcase and then shook his hand. She didn't take long to reach them and the stranger offered his hand for her to shake, which she did quickly. 

"YN, this is my driver Tom Wilson."

"It's a pleasure to meet you in person, Miss LN."

"Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Wilson."

"Please, just call me Tom." he said as he turned and started walking through the exit doors, towards a car parked at the entrance of the airport. 

Harry and YN followed the driver, who opened the boot of the car so that he could put in the suitcase and handbag that Harry handed him when he arrived next to him. With all the luggage already in, Tom walked to one of the back doors and opened it offering YN to get in, which she did, thanking him quietly. 

"Where do you want me to take you?" 

"To my house directly, please" Harry replied as he got into the car as well and sat down next to YN.

"Didn't you want to stop by Harry Lambert's studio to take the clothes first?" she asked as Tom closed the door and walked towards the driver's place.

"He texted me when we landed, he personally went to drop off the outfits at my place, he has a key." Harry pulled his phone out of his jacket and began to check everything that had come in during the flight as Tom got into the car.

"You were lucky, there wasn't much traffic today so it's a short drive compared to other days," he commented as he started the engine "Do you want me to play some music? Any station preferences or Spotify? 

"Whatever you prefer, you're driving, you're in charge." 

"Whatever you say, boss," he replied as he selected the music he wanted on the car's centre panel.

"You look weird, is something wrong?" Harry locked his phone and put it aside, turning his attention to YN.

"Nothing's wrong with me."

"I've already told you, if you'd rather not doing this we can say we're just friends and still go to the wedding" he leaned closer to her and whispered in her ear, for Tom not to hear it."we can still have a good time"

The way he noticed Harry's breath on her neck and the little rasp in his voice as he whispered sent a shiver up and down her spine. 

"I don't like quitting things I’ve started, besides, going as friends would raise as many rumours as if we went as a couple." she whispered and Harry pulled away from her settling back into his seat.

"If you feel uncomfortable or don't like the situation, just tell me and I'll come up with something to get us out of there." 

"Okay." 

to continue...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for reading and I hope you liked it, please leave any comments or leave a like it if you enjoyed it.

See you soon :)

[meruz]

once again i am answering asks in a big compilation post. included is... gotham, patrick stump, tips about drawing backgrounds, tips about drawing in general, links to my faq, and infinity train

like.... the tv series? No... I’ve drawn dc comics fanart before, though. But it’s been years since I’ve been really into it. I like jumped ship like 10 years ago when the New 52 happened LOL.

AFJHDSLKGH I’m sorry I (probably) won’t do it again??

Actually full disclosure I have a truly cringe amount of p stump drawings/photo studies in my sketchbook right now LOL. He’s just fun to draw... hats, glasses, guitar, a good shape... but I don’t think I’ll rly post those until I can hide them in another big sketchbook pdf.. probably Jan 2022. Stay tuned........ (ominous) 

(ominous preview)

These are all sort of related to backgrounds/painting so I grouped them together even though they’re pretty much entirely separate questions.... ANYWAYS

a) How is it working as a BG artist? Is it hard? What show are you drawing for?

I think you’re the first person to ever ask me about my job! Being a background artist is great. It’s definitely labor intensive but I think that could describe pretty much any art job (If something were rote or easy to automate, you wouldn’t hire an artist to do it) and I hesitate to say whether its harder or easier than any other role in the animation pipeline. Plus, so much of what truly makes a job difficult varies from one production to the next, schedule, working environment, co-workers etc. But I will say that I think while BGs are generally a lot of work on the upfront, I think they’re subject to less scrutiny/revisions than something like character/props/effects design and you don’t have to pitch them to a room like boards. So I guess it’s good if you don’t like to talk to people? LOL

A lot of my previous projects + the show I’ve worked on the longest aren’t public yet so I can’t talk about em (but I assure you if/when the news does break I won’t shut up about it). But I’m currently working on Archer Season 12 LOL. I’m like 90% sure I’m allowed to say that.

b) ~~~THANK YOU!! ~~~

c) What exactly do you like to draw most [in a background]?

@kaitomiury​ Lots of stuff! I really like to draw clutter! Because it’s a great opportunity for environmental storytelling and also you can be kind of messy with it because the sheer mass will supersede any details LOL. 

I like to draw clouds... I like to draw grass but not trees lol,,, I like to draw anything that sells perspective really easily like tiled floors and ceilings, shelves, lamp posts on a street etc.

d) Do you have any tips on how to paint (observational)?

god there’s so much to say. painting is really a whole ass discipline like someone can paint their whole life and still discover new things about it. I guess if you’re really just starting out my best advice is that habit is more important than product. especially with traditional plein air painting, I find that the procedure of going outside and setting up your paints is almost harder than the actual painting. There’s a lot of artists who say “I want to do plein air sometime!!” and then never actually get around to doing it. A lot of people just end up working from google streetview or photos on their computer.

But going outside to paint is a really good challenge because it forces you to make and commit to lighting and composition decisions really quickly. And to work through your mistakes instead of against them via undo button.

My last tip is to check out James Gurney’s youtube channel because hes probably the best and most consistent resource on observational painting out there rn. There’s lots other artists doing the same thing (off the top of my head I know a lot of the Warrior Painters group has people regularly posting plein air stuff and lightbox expo had a Jesse Schmidt lecture abt it last year) but Gurney’s probably the most prolific poster and one of the best at explaining the more technical stuff - his books are great too.

e) Do you have tips for drawing cleanly on heavypaint?

@marigoldfool​ UMM LOL I LIKE ONLY USE THE FILL TOOL so maybe use the fill tool? Fill and rectangle are good for edge control as opposed to the rest of the heavy paint tools which can get sort of muddles. And also I use a stylus so maybe if you’re using your finger, find a stylus that works with your device instead. That’s all I’ve got, frankly I don’t think my drawings are particularly clean lol.

f) Tips on improving backgrounds/scenes making them more dynamic practicing etc?

Ive given some tips about backgrounds/scenes before so I’m not gonna re-tread those but here’s another thing that might be helpful...

I think a good way to approach backgrounds is to think of the specific story or even mood you want to convey with the background first. Thinking “I just need to put something behind this character” is going to lead you to drawing like... a green screen tourist photo backdrop. But if you think “I need this bg to make the characters feel small” or “I need this bg to make the world feel colorful” then it gives you requirements and cues to work off of.

If I know a character needs to feel overwhelmed and small, then I know I need to create environment elements that will cage them in and corner them. If a character needs to feel triumphant/on top of the world then I know I need to let the environment open up around them. etc. If I know my focal point/ where I want to draw attention, I can build the background around that.

Also, backgrounds like figure compositions will have focal points of their own and you can draw attention to it/ the relationship the characters have with the bg element via scale or directionality or color, any number of cues. I think of it almost as a second/third character in a scene.

Not every composition is gonna have something so obvious like this but it helps me to think about these because then the characters feel connected and integrated with the environment.

Some more general art questions

a) Do you have any process/tips to start drawing character/bodies/heads?

I tried to kind of draw something to answer this but honestly this is difficult for me to answer because I don’t think I’m that great at drawing characters LOL. Ok, I think I have two tips.

1) flip your canvas often. A lot about what makes human bodies look correct and believable is symmetry and balance. Even if someone has asymmetrical features, the body will often pull and push in a way to counterbalance it. we often have inherent biases to one side or another like dominant hands dominant eyes etc. you know how right-handed artists will often favor drawing characters facing 45 degrees facing (the artist’s) left? that’s part of it. so viewing your drawing flipped even just to evaluate it helps compensate for that bias and makes you more aware of balance.

2) draw the whole figure often. I feel like a lot of beginner artists (myself included for a long time) defer to just drawing headshots or busts because it’s easier, you dont have to think about posing limbs etc. But drawing a full body allows you to better gauge proportion, perspective, body language, everything that makes a character look believable and grounded.

Like if you (me) have that issue where you draw the head too big and then have to resize it to fit the proportions of the rest of the body, it’s probably because you (I) drew the head first and are treating the body as an afterthought/attachment. Sketching out the whole figure first or even just quick drawing guides for it will help you think of it more holistically. I learned this figure drawing in charcoal at art school LOL.

oh. third mini tip - try to draw people from life often! its the best study. if you can get into a figure drawing/nude drawing class EVEN BETTER and if you have a local college/art space/museum that hosts those for free TREASURE IT AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, that’s a huge boon that a lot of artists (me again) wish they had. though if youre not so lucky and youre sitting in a park trying to creeper draw people and they keep moving.. don’t let that stop you! that’s good practice because it’s forcing you to work fast to get the important stuff down LOL. its a challenge!

b) I’ve been pretty out of energy and have had no inspiration to draw but I have the desire to. Any advice?

Dude, take a walk or something.... Or a nap? Low energy is going to effect everything else so you gotta hit that problem at its source.

If you’re looking for inspiration though, I’d recommend stuff like watching a movie, reading a book, playing video games etc. Fill up your idea bank with content and then give yourself time/space to gestate it into new concepts. Sometimes looking at other art works but sometimes it can work against you because it’s too close. 

Also something that helps me is remembering that art doesn’t always have to be groundbreaking... like it’s okay to make something shitty and stupid that you don’t post online and only show to your friend. That’s all part of the process imo. If you want to hit a home run you gotta warm up first, right? Sports.

I should probably compile everytime i give tips on stuff like this but that’s getting dangerously close to being a social media artist who makes stupid boiled down art tutorials for clout which is the last thing i want to be... the thing I want to stress is that art is a whole visual language and there are widely agreed upon rules and customs but they exist in large part to be broken. Like there's an infinite number of ways to reach an infinite number of solutions and that’s actually what makes it really cool and personal for both the artist and the viewer. So when you make work you like or you find someone else’s work you like, take a step back and ask yourself what about it speaks for you, what about it works for you, what makes it effective, how to recreate that effect and how to break that effect completely, etc. And have a good time with it or else what’s the point.

for the first 2, I direct you to my FAQ

For the last one, I don’t actually believe I’ve ever addressed artwork as insp for stories/rp but I’ll say here and now yeah go ahead! As long as you’re not making profit or taking credit for my work then I’m normally ok with it. Especially anything thats private and purely recreational, that’s generally 100% green light go. I only ask that if you post it anywhere public that you please credit me.

(and I reserve the right to ask you to take it down if I see it and don’t approve of it’s use but I think that case is pretty rare.)

a) @lemuelzero101 Thank you!!! I haven’t played Life is Strange but actually  that series’ vis dev artist Edouard Caplain is one of my bigger art inspirations lately so that’s a really high compliment lol. And yeah I hope we get 5-8 too...!

b) Thank you for sticking around! I’ve been thinking about Digimon and Infinity Train in tandem lately, actually. They’re a little similar? Enter a dangerous alternate world and have wacky adventures with monsters/inanimate objects that have weird powers... there’s like weird engineers and mechanisms behind the scenes... also frontier literally starts with them getting on a train. Anyways if anyone else followed me for digimon... maybe you’d like Infinity Train? LOL

c) @king-wens-king I’M GLAD MY ART JUST HAS PINOY VIBES LOL I hope you are having a good day too :^)

a, b, c, d) yessss my Watch Infinity Train agenda is working....

e) aw thank you!! i think you should watch infinity train :)

[hwrryscherry]

 The one where the reader meets Harry as Jack

characters: HARRYxREADER!FEM

blurb: Harry is filming Don't Worry Darling in Palms Springs while Y/N is moving in in her new house in the neighbourhood where the movie is being filmed. Turns out the fate wanted to cross Harry and Y/N's way as a box full of books is very intriguing to Harry and Pride and Prejudice becomes Harry's new favorite.

word count: 2.7K

author's note: Heyy guys, it has been SO LONG and honestly I don’t think this is best work yet lol but anyway, I had the worst writer’s block of my life so it was so hard for me to write a single word. Honestly, I felt kinda pressured to write. I felt like I was pressuring myself for that so I had to take advantage of this block and take this idea out of my mind. I want to say something important too; I really want to say that the only story of mine that I’ll keep the face claim is HARRYxMODELY/N, just because I like to use the photos to make instagram posts sometimes. I will no longer describe types of hair as I used to say ‘’long strands of hair’’, it will be neutral for you to imagine yourself in the story. It’s all about you guys and how you can visualize the story and the character, if you want to imagine a face claim that’s cool but if you don’t want to it’s cool too. Feel free to read and visualize, it’s all about you. Thank you for the support on my account and my writing. I’m aware that I’m not the best lol, but I also think that I have so much to learn from you just as I have to teach. I’m so grateful for everyone who reads and like my stuff. Never forget that you’re unique, you’re loved, you’re so golden and treat people with kindness always.

   "Why is it so hot in here? It's fucking December!", you'd think to yourself as you drove your new car through the streets of Palm Springs. The thing is that after you moved from Columbia to reside so many years in New York while you were studying English Language and Literature in Yale, you just got so used with the usual colder weather from NY and it's just a different vibe from California. You had such a hard time to decide what you wanted to do after graduating, though. And after a few weeks and some long conversations with your family, you decided you would go to California. Palm Springs, to be more specific. You decided that because you remembered all the times you went there when you were a kid because your grandmother lived in there before she passed. You remember spending your summer vacation with her and how cool it was. It was in the early 2000′s and there was many kids on your age that lived on her street. You remember playing with them all day and then getting back into your grandma’s house and feeling that cinnamon scent that for some one only her house had. It wasn’t a usual cinnamon scent. It had something special in it. It made you feel so warm and welcomed. You remember helping her to bake the most delicious cookies, brownies and cakes in her kitchen. You remember the kitchen had a yellow counter, but the entire kitchen was white. All very pale and then the cheerful yellow in the kitchen that colored everything. You remember going to play bingo with her and how it made her happy to having you around. You both were so close and you had such a hard time when she passed, but the most important was she taught you so many things during your time together, and you’d never forget those things and her.

    As you drove, you’d remember those streets vaguely. You’d pass through the soccer court you typically used to go with the other kids and spent hours playing in there. You were vibing with the song in the stereo as you started getting closer to your new house’s street. It was Carolina by Harry Styles; you have to admit you’re not the biggest Harry Styles fan in the world, but you were definitely a One Direction fan when you were around 16, but you couldn't be considered a directioner either. You just listened to a few songs and thought it was good. But anyway, this specific song is one that you particularly like. It may have something to do with the fact that you’re from Carolina, of course. But it’s more about the vibe and the melody that by being animated it could actually cheer anyone up and the lyrics were undeniably good though, a little sexual, but good. It’s more about the vibe and the melody that by being animated it could actually cheer anyone up and the lyrics were really good though, a little sexual, but good.

    When you turned the right way into the street of your new home, you came across much more than you expected to see on your moving day. There were, as it seemed, paparazzi. Apparently they were shooting a movie right in your street, and it had also many people with many cameras and trailers that probably were dressing rooms. Naturally, you knew that thousands of films were shot in California, that’s obvious. But you didn't expect one to be shooting exactly on your moving day and specifically in your street, let alone that the street would be this crowded since the world is experiencing a global pandemic, ironic. You observed some of the people walking down the street, or should you call it a set? You don't know, but there were many people and many cars, at least they were all wearing masks. It had many classic cars, probably in the 40s or 50s style. They were colorful; vivid colors, though. Colors like yellow, blue and lilac was really present. To resume, the whole street looked like a movie from the 50s and for sure that was the intention because you could notice some extras walking around the set dressed up as 50s people used to.

    As you carefully drive through the street, you’d notice that from what seemed like a divine miracle, there was a vacant parking spot right in front of your house and you can’t help but smile when you see it. The first time you came here to see the house. You were with your family, and that was about four months ago. You just loved the house completely as it had such a different vibe from the place you used to live in New York, and honestly, just the thought of the house made your creativity activate as it had some really cool colored walls and you bought some colored mobile as well. Anyway, you stopped the car right in front of your house finishing the engine and grabbing your mask and putting it in your face as you'd use your hand to get rid of the seat belt and your other hand to open the car door and get out of the car.

    After closing the driver's seat door, you go around the car walking to the trunk where you use the car key to open it. When you open it, you are faced with two cardboard boxes. One was full of books. Books of all kinds, books of period novels, books of suspense, books of investigation and etc. Books that piqued your curiosity and made you want to finish reading it as quickly as possible. The other box was already full of clothes, those last clothes that you would finally be taking home. Your mother has done the biggest job in the moving issue; she was the one who was bringing the furniture and your things while you finished packing the rest of your things to leave New York. You try your hardest not to pay attention to the set of recordings and the people who walked back and forth, at the same time that you tried hard not to make any noise, because if you accidentally disturbed a scene, you would feel extremely embarrassed and would probably not even show up at the gate until the end of filming, but that was not the case. You removed the two boxes from the trunk just before closing it completely. You chose, perhaps, to enter the clothes box first. You bent down taking the box in your arms and walked to the door of the house where you used the key you received from the real-estate agent to unlock it before entering. You immediately noticed that some sunbeams reflected on the living room floor due to the white linen curtain that covered the glass windows. You observed the contrast of the sofa in such a light tone with the lilac wall just behind it. You walked with the box in hand by the door extension to the room where you placed the box on the small coffee table in front of the sofa. Returning out of the house, you can see the figure of a tall man dressed in a brown suit crouched in front of the box of your books. He had brown hair and properly cut. It didn't look like he was messing with your books, but he was definitely looking at them and it seemed like he was trying to read the covers of it for some reason. You slowly got closer to the man's body without making too much noise while you analyzed him, you crossed your arms upon your chest as you noticed the book cover he was looking at: Love is a mixtape by Rob Sheffield.

— This one is amazing! — You said, surprising the man that stand up fastly with the book in his hands connecting his green gaze with yours. He was tall, really tall by the way. His suit seemed perfect, just as his hair. He had a black mask on as a protection but the 16 year old teenager inside of you could never mistake those eyes. It was Harry fricking Styles. You considerated being quiet as you, yourself were pretty surprised now, but then you took your gaze to the book in his hand and then back at his face — It's like comparing love to a popular song that we usually search to define love. Just to find out that love is like oxygen, or love is a kind of drug, or a battlefield for some... — You said referring to the book with a tender smile on your face that Harry couldn't essentially see, but talking about a book that you loved caused this on you. And as you talked you didn't notice that Harry had a smile on his face as well. Maybe it was because you completely ignored the fact that he is Harry Styles and he was messing up your books as he's on the set filming a movie, or maybe it was the fact that he loved this book just as much as you did. He'd use to say this is probably one of the books that if he had to read just one book to the rest of his life, he'd chose this one and he usually had so much to talk about this book and so much to put on an argument about it but now he was completely speechless. He was just tongue tied. He was tongue tied about your reflection of one of his favorite books and how it looked so identical to his own personal reflection. He was tongue tied for the number of great books that he always wanted to read that was on that box. He was tongue tied at the owner of those books and her beauty, her intelligence of her voice and her voice as well so he just chuckled. A nervous chuckle as he leaned his head to look at the floor for a second before looking at you and holding out the book in his hands to you that calmly took it from his hands.

— I know! It's one of my favorite books! — Harry'd ultimately manage to say it as he observed you admiring the cover and running your fingers through it as a truly book lover would do — It's very interesting the interpretation you have of it.

— Don't you agree? — You'd interrupt him rising your head to examine at his face. He seemed paralyzed by some way, little did you know that Harry was mesmerized. He enjoyed the informal way you were speaking with him, and it genuinely felt like you already knew it each for years.

— That's the intriguing part. We have the same interpretation! — He'd say serenely, and then running his hand through his hair as he frown a little because of the sun that just hit on his glowing eyes.

— Well...Maybe you're just trying to imitate me to impress me! — You'd joke, with a mocking expression on your face making Harry giggle at your words and your face. It was the sense of humor to him.

— Oh really? And what makes you think I'm trying to impress you? — Harry'd say back with the same mocking tone that you formerly used. He'd observe your face go from playful to thoughtful in just as you to come up with a response.

— I mean...you were the one looking through my stuff, mister! — You say raising your eyebrows as you utilized one of your hands to take some strands of hair out of your face.

— Right... — Harry said with a defeated voice before as he compressed his lips together and moved his suit away from his shirt a little as he places his hands on his waist — I'm sorry about it, though. There was this box hanging here and I guess I was just intrigued! — He said shyly making you start walking towards the box walking closely to him causing him to feel a hot warm from your body as you passed. You'd bend over to grab the box but was stopped by Harry taking the heavy box from your hands — Let me help you with this! — Harry said as he held the box on his arms.

— There's no need for that. It'll ruin your splendid suit! — You'd say gently to him as he was standing up in front of you carefully holding the loaded box. Legitimately, he looked hot. He properly looked like a 50s husband helping with the moving with this outfit — And if you piss off your costume designer because of me I'll die! — You'd complement receiving a loud laugh from Harry's lips that shook his head while looking at you.

— She’ll be fine! — Harry'd argue back, then get a sigh from you before nodding at him as a statement.

— My house is right there! — You'd say using your right hand to point at your house, watching Harry turn his back to you and start walking towards it. You followed him through the door that was already open. Harry looked at the house immediately. It had a good vibe, and he wouldn't deny it. The choice of colors was exceptional, but he also noticed it was not very tidy, which would probably indicate that you were moving today.

— Where do I leave it? — Harry asked, referring to the box as he went farther into the living room.

— You can just leave it on the floor — You serenely said crossing your arms together and watching as he left the box on the floor and turned around to face you, but then deflecting his gaze to the ceiling before staring at your face again.

— It's a beautiful house! — Harry said as he moved his gaze through the room. He observed everything. He likes to observe. He likes to notice things that maybe other people didn't — Just like the owner, if I might say — Harry said cheekily and charming hearing your giggle invade his ears as you started walking towards the box of books that he previously set on the floor.

— The owner says thank you — You said bending down and starting to take the books out of the box and place it on the coffee table beside you as Harry watched your movements. You shyly looked at him thinking for a second and them smiling under your mask — For both compliments! — You said getting your attention back to the books. It's not that you don't want to give him your attention. It's that you genuinely think that he's just being nice, and he's probably not even interested in anything that you say.

— So... I have to go back to the film now but maybe you can give me your number so we can talk about your interpretation of my favorite book — Harry said shyly. His words took you by surprise actually but you couldn't hold back the smirk you had under your mask as you stand up again turning to face his green eyes. You noticed that he had his phone on his hand, hoping and waiting that you'd give him your number even though both of you knew that the book excuse was nothing more than an excuse as he was truly interested in knowing you.

— Well, it depends... — you said slowly as you took a deep breath before actually saying anything — If you agree to read my favorite books too, I'll give you my number!

— I'd be honored! — Harry chuckled after letting a sigh out feeling relief that you asked for something so simple that he'd love to do if that would make you happy — What's your name? — Harry said as he unblocked his phone screen and started to save your phone number.

— Save it as Elizabeth Bennet in there! — You said fastly with a proud smile on your face as Harry giggled and did as you ask and then looked at your face as he put his phone back on his pocket.

— Only if you save my name as Mr. Darcy when I call you! — Harry said knowing that after this, Pride and Prejudice would definitely become one of his favorite books ever.

[oujochan]

Ace suddenly intrudes on Alice and Blood‘s tea party with a bag of sweets to give to Alice.

This Spade no Kuni no Alice Short Story was published in the April ‘21 edition of B’s log.

Thanks harroe for the HQ pic! My translation is below the cut.

Sweet Love, Beloved Bitterness

“A present for me?”

Alice blinks blankly at the small paper bag pointed her way.

“Ahaha, you don’t have to be so weirded out! It’s not strange for me to gift you something is it?”

Ace is smiling as ever as he hands over the present.

The bag is small enough to hold in one hand and decorated with a simple seal and ribbon.

The logo appears to be from a bakery in Hatter Territory. That must mean there’s baked goodies inside.

I notice a sweet fragrance wafting from the bag. I think I’m on the right track but...

“This is so weird. What’s going on?”

“Agreed. Why are you even here in the first place?” Blood muses, sitting across from Alice.

He’s calm, but not ready to go with the flow. His brows are furrowed.

I agree with Blood.

We are in the garden of Hatter Estate. Blood invited me to a tea party. Then all of a sudden Ace waltzes into enemy territory.

I have a billion questions, like what is he doing here? How did he even get in? And what on earth are the twin gate keepers doing? But more importantly, why did Ace randomly give me a present? Nothing makes sense.

“I don’t agree with all the dubious looks my way, but the reason I’m here is simple! I got lost.” He answers matter of factly without minding Alice’s confusion or the dismay on Blood’s face. Blood further knits his brow.

“A blind man could tell you that, what I’m asking is why you felt the need to come over here anyway all things considered.”

Teacup in hand, Blood glares sharply at Ace without hiding his annoyance.

“Right now she and I are spending precious time together. I invited her- and only her.”

“I see. So simply put you’re calling me a third wheel.”

“Wonderful. You have enough sense to understand that despite being directionally challenged. Did the notion of going back so you wouldn’t get in our way ever cross your mind?”

“Ahaha, too bad! The word ‘going back’ doesn’t exist in my dictionary! After all that’s not manly at all! A knight must always move forward no matter what! Right?” Beaming brightly, he looks to Alice for support.

“No, there are times where even I think it’s better to go back. Even if we don’t count right now, there are times when it’s definitely necessary.”

“Whaaat? Not you too~” His exaggerated disappointment is almost theatric.

“I’m shocked! Despite all the time you spend floundering in indecision aren’t you the one who can’t go back more than anyone else? Isn’t that why you always look back while moving forward?”

“What...?”

(What is he talking about?)

I’m confused by the vagueness of his words, but as if to interrupt my thoughts Blood opens his mouth once more.

“Enough of this trifling conversation. If you really can only move forward then you should keep heading that way. Hurry up and get out.”

He points outside the garden- it’s in front of Ace, but the gate is the other way.

“Oh how scary. I’m not in the best mood either, but this isn’t like you at all, Mr. Hatter. It’s not like you to be so pressed.”

“......”

“Haha. Have you stopped pretending to play it cool? Well, it has been a long time since you’ve seen her again.”

“Tch.”

(...huh)

For second Alice doubted her ears. But there was no mistaking the obvious look of displeasure on Blood’s face and that click of his tongue from earlier.

It really wasn’t like Blood at all. It was the first time she saw his emotions so out in the open. Even if Ace was Blood’s enemy and an unexpected intruder, Blood usually handled things more smoothly.

“If Mr. Hatter is being serious, he could be a real challenge. Not that that’s a reason to back off.”

“Oh what a coincidence. The word “back off” doesn’t exist in my dictionary either.” Blood says, picking up his trusty stick by his side.

“Normally I’d prefer not do anything to spoil a tea party, but if the nuisance won’t leave then so be it.”

“Wait...Blood?!”

Alice unintentionally raises her voice when the stick begins to emit a pale light.

“Quit it! Are you trying to start a gun fight?!”

(Wait, Ace uses a sword so it wouldn’t be a shoot out, but I don’t want a fight happening either way!)

“Don’t worry, Alice. I’m not going to do that now.” Surprisingly it’s not Blood’s voice, but Ace’s.

“Even I wouldn’t cut someone up right in front of the eyes of the person I gave a present too! If I did that my special gift would be covered in blood!”

(Doesn’t that mean Ace still wants to stab Blood later?!)

Should I be scared or relieved for now...?

“Anyway, let’s stop, Mr. Hatter. Now’s not the time.”

“Then get out of my sight before I turn you into Swiss cheese.” Despite his callous words the light from Blood’s stick fades.

“OK, OK I got it! The party crasher is leaving now~!” Ace is the only one who’s still all smiles. Without a care, he starts heading in the same direction Blood was pointing to earlier.

“Wait, what about this?” Alice realizes with a gasp and calls out to Ace’s back.

“What’s this present for?” The present still in hand, she’s uncertain about accepting something without understanding the meaning behind it.

“Like I said, it’s yours! I bought it for you after passing by a shop that smelled especially good, but I didn’t think I’d get to hand it over so quickly.” Ace stops in place, peering over his shoulder to answer. “If you need a reason then it’s to celebrate our reunion! The sweets are sure to be delicious, so eat up!”

It might’ve taken a lot of luck to meet again, but is that really all there is to it? As usual, she’s not sure she should take Ace’s words at face value despite his cheerful demeanor. No, that’s precisely the reason why.

Without waiting for Alice’s response, Ace begins to leave.

Panic rising, she tries to call out again, but Blood’s pointed glare stops her in her tracks and all she can do is to watch him off silently.

(I ended up taking it...)

She stares at the paper bag containing sweets.

“More confections are the absolute last thing we need,” Blood scoffs, visibly irked.

“Yeah... you’re right.“

There are already a large array of various sweets prepared by Blood spread out on the table.

The sweets Ace gave must be decadent and delicious too, but somehow feel bittersweet. I have the feeling that if I take a bite inside of what looks to be a sugary chocolate bonbon it’ll contain something wildly unexpected.

“Don’t open those yet. Not here. ”

“Yes... I know.”

But Blood doesn’t say ‘don’t eat those’. It seems no one can restrict an Outsider’s choice or decisions. That’s something even the ‘me’ right now knows by heart. This world isn’t only filled with sweet things. Whether I eat it or not... avoid the poison or swallow it down, is completely up to me.

[outofcontrix]

Everything has changed.

10 years ago, you, who used to write your name as ‘Aina Trixia Carmela’, would always complain because you have such a long name, and it’s tiring to write the whole name for a 2nd grader. Eventually, they corrected it as ‘Ainatrixia Carmela” which you are still using up until now, Oh! My bad, you just write ‘Aina Lazaro’ now, don’t you? You, who recently just learned how to use the computer, how to type on keyboard, how to open the system unit and the monitor. Remember when you were so mesmerized whenever the screensaver appeared on your monitor? You could even change that, you know? Also, You, who always plays the mouse’s ball underneath and would blame your younger cousin if it gets stucked or worse, if it breaks. You, who just knew Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Bruno Mars, Justin Bieber, and One Direction at that time. You, who would jam to Katy Perry’s ‘California Gurls’, ‘Fireworks’, ‘Teenage Dream’, ‘Last Friday Night’, and of course, ‘The One That Got Away’, you used to listen to those songs, as if you understand their meaning. Heck! You didn’t even know that time that most of the songs you used to bop are sensual songs talking about making out, having sex… You were 8 years old! Also, to Queen Taylor Swift’s ‘Love Story’ and ‘You Belong with Me’, you were listening to those songs non-stop until your grandmother scolds you for playing it over and over again for the nth time. (10 years later, you’re still playing it non-stop.) You, when given a 20 pesos bill, it was such a huge amount, and would flaunt it to your childhood playmates, who are also your neighbors. With that 20 pesos bill, you already bought your favorite ‘tsitsirya’ Vinegar Pusit and Sweet Corn, bonus, you also could buy sago juice that cost 5 pesos back then. Remember how you would search the web for GTA San Andreas cheats and hacks, you’d write it down on a piece of white pad paper (You don’t use Yellow Pad Papers yet, but soon.) for you to use it and would later on ask for your Grandma to give you several ‘Mamesus’ (one peso coins) because you’ll go to that “piso-net” computer shops not far from your house to play the said game, and then you’ll lose track of the time and your strict aunt would fetch you holding her right sandal that’s ready to smack the hell out of you if you still don’t stop. Also, whenever you hear the “PSSSSSSST!” of her, and you see her standing in front of your gate, remember how you almost lost your shit and peed your pants, as you ran as fast as you can just to avoid getting lectured and eventually getting spanked using clothes’ hanger or her sandals if you did not go home immediately. Those times that scratching your knee and even letting it bleed until you go home, the smell of sweat after playing outside from 4 pm to 7 pm, and your “madungis” look. Remember how your grandma used to threaten you to lock you outside if you didn’t stop playing outside, playing ‘bangsak’, ‘patintero’, ‘langit-lupa’, tumbang preso, and hide-n-seek. Those games are tiring as hell, but it seems that you neve run out of energy, you’re always game whenever your playmates start shouting, “TRISH!! LARO NA TAYO!” Outside your house’s sari-sari store. POV: You just came home from school, your schedule, 06:30 am - 02:00 pm, you haven’t even got your afternoon nap yet, still tired from school, but you’ll immediately run towards the gate. Playing outside somehow is your favorite past-time as a child. Whenever you play you forget all your responsibilities, by responsibilities, I mean your homeworks that is due tomorrow. Life then was really much easier, and fun.

But as One Direction said in one of their songs, “Just how fast the night changes…” You grow older, and even your playmates. Your usual workload then eventually gets more and more as you age. The things that you used to enjoy, suddenly became uninteresting to you. Your urge to go out and play decreased little by little; you now rather stay indoors than play outside below the scorching hot weather, you don’t like feeling hot, you don’t like how sticky your sweat trickled on your skin, you find playing outside a childish thing, because you were older, and they said big girls don’t play game on the streets anymore. Yes, you still play, but you hardly do it then. If you’re really just bored, and you would come out, you’d watch other kids play, laugh when someone makes a mistake and even get irritated whenever they play the game wrong, you would think, “HINDI NAMAN GANYAN LARUIN ‘YAN!!!!”, but would rather stay silent and just watch them foolishly play the game wrong. Back then, You were eager to be a grown-up person, to be an adult, because you see how adults are living that time, they can go out whenever they want despite the time, they have their own money, and the likes. You, who at a young age, I think you were around 9? Or 10 that time, you learned how to commute, how to ride jeepneys and other public transportation all by yourself. You learned which color of Jeepney in Angeles you should ride if you’re going to a certain place. Gray and Purple Jeep to Balibago, Green if you came from Marisol and you want to be dropped off at the Market, Blue if you want to go to Pandan, Yellow if you want to go to Telebastagan, etc. Also, At a young age you learned how to cook yourself a meal, Your Grandma and Aunt are great cooks, you often hang out in the Kitchen whenever they are cooking meals, So one day, you asked them if they could teach you, which they gladly did. They first taught you the basics, like fried foods and as time passed, it got complicated like adding onions and garlic to the pan, and even measuring condiments.

Days, and Weeks, and Months, even Years passed. You and your family need to move out of the house where you grew, where you spent your whole 13 years, where you learned to walk, to think, where you met people that you considered as your own family, where you met your friends who were with you ever since you stood up on your 2 feet. In a blink of an eye, you were gone, and here you are in a new environment, a new house, new neighbors and people you need to get along with. You didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye to the people who were with you ever since, and with that, you were forced to move on and focus on the things that were present at that time. Aside from that, you are now in highschool, in 7th grade to be exact. You first met your Biological father. After 13 years of no communication, he suddenly reached out. You didn’t know what to feel so you were awkward with him. You don’t even like talking to him, whenever you two would voice call, you’ll just answer with ‘yes’, ‘no’, ’opo’, Which I totally understand. You were still a kid back then. Again, you’re a high school student now, new environment and people again. You spent almost 7 years in your last school, and the school you went to in your 7th grade wasn’t really your first choice right? You don’t even want to study in that school because your dream school was Chevalier School and Angeles City Science High School. Remember how you almost dropped out after the first week of high school? Your mother just forced you to attend that school, but deep inside you really don’t like that said school. First week as a 7th grader has passed, and you didn’t really enjoy it at all, you felt... left out. Despite your classmates, other students and teachers being friendly, you just feel like you didn’t belong there, You didn’t have a friend, you were practically a loner for the first week. So after a week of staying in that school, you practically begged you Grandma to drop you out, you were in a private school, you told your grandma that you didn’t like it, that you’d rather go to a public school than stay in that school.Your Grandma gave you a condition. “Please bear it for one more week… After that, I’ll transfer you to other schools. Just please try and bear it for one more week, Trixia.” So you did. You forced yourself to get up, and go to school, you were even counting down, you were eager for the week to end because you couldn’t wait to transfer schools. But, an unexpected turn of events happened. During the course of that one week, you met these people, they were your classmates, 6 girls to be specific. They just started talking to you, and somehow… you felt comfortable talking to them, being around them. So they started asking you to join them during recess and lunch… and then boom… You went to your Grandma one day, after you came home from school, and these words came out of your mouth, “Ma, I don’t want to transfer schools anymore. I will stay in Holy Fam.”

No one expected it at all. Not even you. So now, those girls were the sole reason you are still here in HFA. They’re the reason you stayed, and also the one of the reasons why you grew to love HFA. until now, you are still friends with them, they’re your best buddies. Then, in terms of school, There were many hardships, culture shock, sudden change of the environment, change of subjects that are more complicated than the ones taught to you during elementary. You weren’t used to this type of setting. So you struggled a lot, in academics, you got low grades, and even had failed grades back then. The ‘7’ never left your report card, your mom’s disappointed in you. That was a hard time for you back then, but you learned your lesson, you were never an academic achiever, so you tried to improve, gladly it worked. Anyway, it ain’t big but still, I’m proud of you for making an effort, at least you wanted to become and strived to be a better person, you are learning from your past mistakes. For your interests, Gosh how much have you changed over the years! You went from being a die-hard ‘Directioner’, a Louis Tomlinson’s girl, from being a KPOP fan, you liked EXO, and then you changed your ultimate group to Super Junior, which until now, you’re still a fan and they're still your main idols. You, who doesn’t like spending money back then because you’re a one stingy person, now… spends money on albums, on merchandise, to concerts and even a small piece of cardboard with their idol’s selfie in it. You have over 30 albums and 80 photocards (and counting) on your collection. You used to fangirl over One Direction, Daniel Padilla, Big Time Rush, and other western artists, now you simp over one korean guy in his 30’s named Kim Ryeowook. Just… What happened? If only you knew you were going to be a kpop fan, You should’ve saved up money 10 years ago so that you’re not broke at the moment. Not a wise choice, but if you’re happy, then so be it.

You thought everything’s going well and fine when suddenly, the biggest anchor in your life, your life support, the one who was with you ever since you came out to this world suddenly… left without notice. Everything shattered, your walls, your heart, your mind, your body, yourself crumbled when she suddenly left you. What hurts the most is that there’s no way that you could reach her now or even go to her, or hear her voice. You were at the rock bottom at that time, you felt like it’s your fault that she’s gone, you blame yourself, and you started to think that you have no sense in this world now, you don’t feel like living anymore because what’s the point now? She’s already gone. But thankfully you overcame that, you started to accept it, you started to forgive yourself for what happened, and you are still in the process of accepting and forgiving yourself. Small progress is still a progress. It takes time. Though you lost this person, please remember that she’s guarding you, she’s still looking out for you. Also, all your efforts and hardwork through the years, I’m actually glad that you made it, that you didn’t give up, and that you’re still here. I’m very, very proud of you for fighting, for holding on, for staying strong despite huge waves of problems that come in your way. I know that sometimes it’s so hard, and you feel like you don’t have the strength to carry on, and you’re thinking of giving up and ending it all, but even all of that, you didn’t do anything. So please, thank yourself, thank you for not doing that, for not giving up, for being strong. I know things aren’t well at the moment, you have so much worries regarding your future, and things aren't going in your way, but all will be well, and they will all pass. Please be strong. At such a young age you somehow learned to be independent, and that’s something to be proud of, even the one above would be proud of you, very much proud of you. You also became mature in your own way, you learned things in your own way, you have responsibilities now, you tried things, you risked, you failed, you succeeded. You are now really becoming an adult, it’s just that… You were so excited to become an adult back then, you badly wanted to be a grown up at a young age, and I know that now, you’re wishing that you just want to turn back time, where you have no responsibilities, without thinking about life, and such. You just want to enjoy things again. Whenever you come across kids playing outside, you can’t help but to reminisce those times, those times that you were the one playing that on the streets, with scratched knees and dirty hands, Oh how you wish that time can turn back it’s arms and just become a kid again. Everything has changed, from the way you dress, the way you talk and converse, the way you think, understand, and rationalize things, the way you prioritize things and decide. So much has changed. You’re not even a real adult now, you’re just beginning, you are just entering the adulthood phase. I know that you would make it. Next month, you’re finally graduating High School, and soon you’re venturing the College life, and then you wouldn’t even notice that you’re already working. I suggest that never make the same mistake again, don’t be so eager, don’t rush things up! You’ll eventually make it. I am rooting for you, Aina! The only thing that I’m looking forward to and is eager to see… is you being successful and finally reaching your dreams in the near future. Best of Luck, Aina!

— Aina, 210321

[unstoppableforcce]

a mistake ( 1 )

pairing: poe Dameron x reader

next part

a/n: so maybe you read it when I first wrote it years ago, maybe you found it on my masterlist and read it recently, maybe you’ve never read it. I rewrote it! And it’ll be different now! It’ll be better! or at least, I plan for it to be!

It was early.

The kind of early that symbolized the end of a night and not the beginning of the next day, the exhaustion of a heavy working day pulling at your muscles as you rolled from the bed. The sheet draped around you tugged and nearly fell as you tugged back on it, forcing the curly haired pilot to groan and move to allow you to take it.

“God, I’m never going to get tired of that.” The words drew from his lips in a wispy sigh as he watched you bend over for your strewn clothes.

“Get over yourself.”

“I’d rather get over you.”

If your eyes could roll any further back, you would have let them as you slipped your underwear back on, then your shirt.

“You’ve already done that.” You reminded, sparing him a glance back as you moved to his small fridge, grabbing a water.

He propped himself up against his headboard, both hands lazily finding themselves behind his head as his gaze followed you. Even when you turned back to see him, he didn’t bother pretending he wasn’t staring, tracing along the intricacies of your half-covered form with his lazy eyes.

When you finally walked back over, perching yourself on the edge of the bed to gather your discarded pants and boots, he crawled over and pulled the water from your hand, taking a brief sip before offering back but you only shook your head.

“You’re unbelievable.” You swore with a shake of your head, leaning back and boosting your hips to get your pants the rest of the way up.

He scooted even closer as you sat back up, the temperature of your back skyrocketing as he pressed his bare chest closer. His fingers ventured out in a slow creep around your waist while his nose nudged its way into your neck, hot breaths igniting your skin from shoulder to chin.

“I’d love to give you more reasons to say that.” He mumbled into your skin, sucking sweet marks wherever he had access to.

You tried to shoo him away, but he persisted, his kisses becoming more and more urgent as he trailed his way to your chin, brushing the occasional hair out of the way for more access as his hands continued to traverse beneath your shirt.

“You’ll leave a mark—Poe—” A brief moan caught in your throat, but a heavier thought at the back of your skull didn’t let the pleasure linger for too long. He was going to leave a mark, he was trying to leave a mark.

Before he could get any further, you reached a hand up and pushed his face away, “Ow—”

He fell back, wiping off his lips and huffing out a breath. “Sorry...”

You ignored him, you had to. With your pants on, you slipped your feet into each boot and stood, adjusting the shirt he displaced until it seemed moderately presentable.

“You can stay, you know.” He blew out half-heartedly, the same plea he made every night for the past week it seemed.

“I can’t.”

He shook his head, propped back on the pillows as you gathered up the last of your things and moved for the door, “No one cares.”

“I care.”

The door slammed shut behind you and he rolled back into the pillow that still maintained a faint smell of you.

--

It was early when he found you again, a real kind of early. Unable to sleep, the second the suns rose above the horizon and drowned his dorm in light, he escaped to the hanger.

You were sat beneath his X-wing, head obscured by the mechanism you labored away on.

It wasn’t a big problem, you had assured him of just that as you stumbled into his room after him just hours before. He wasn’t worried, he knew how good your hands were, in more way then one. You’d have it fixed in no time if you were up this early to do it.

“Everything alright, babe?”

Settling onto the stool next to you, he scooted closer until he was around your back, peering at your hands while they worked from over your shoulder.

His breath was back, not as hot, but certainly as persistent across your skin as he drew closer. The sigh escaping your lips wasn’t meant to sound as exhausted or annoyed as it did, but it was early.

“It’s just a connection problem, it’s nothing, Commander.”

He nodded along, the influx of breath changing directionally from your shoulder to ear.  “You don’t have to call me Commander.”

This scoff, different from the last sigh, was meant to come out exactly as it did. Annoyed, Cold. Tired.

“We’re working.” You reminded him, as if he didn’t notice your hands in his ship or his uniform uncomfortably pinching at his skin, it had nothing on the sheets of his bed, or your soft skin—

“Do you need something?” You interrupted just thoughts.

He pulled back, rubbing over his face, “No, I just—”

Your head swiveled around to see him stuttering over his words, dragging his bottom lip through his teeth as he got to his feet. “No, I just came by to come by. Maybe I’ll see you later.”

“Maybe.”

He could accept that, at least for now.

What he had of you wasn’t ideal in his mind, that was for sure, but it was something. He wanted more, but he would settle, for now.

When a knock came to his door later that night, he honestly didn’t even expect it to be you. But he slid the door open anyways and readily grabbed you the second he found you stood there.

First your jacket was tossed away, followed quickly by your shirt. He was desperate to connect his lips to your skin, every inch of it he could get access to as he pulled you into the room.

You barely felt their plush connection to your neck, not until the door was firmly shut and locked behind you. Then, and only then, did you turn and melt into his touch, allowing him to easily rid you of your clothing.

“I fixed—” the clank of his belt buckle cut you off, his pants following yours to the floor, “your ship is fixed.”

“That’s good.” He sat back down on his bed and with a tender grip into the notches on your hips, tugged you with him, trailing his mouth down between your chest, further down and further down until you lowered yourself onto his hips and brought your neck back to level with his lips. “That’s really good.”

He huffed into your neck and you echoed it with a subtle moan, urging him forward, flipping your back to the bed, and pulling his shirt up and over his head before resettling between your legs.

“I don’t know how you did it.” You muttered back as he pulled away to nip along your chin.

“What?” He dragged back breathlessly to find your eyes again, a hand reaching up to mindlessly swipe his curls away.

“The wire connection, it wasn’t normal wear and tear.” You breathed out, equally out of breath now, your fingers trailing down his chest now as he knelt over you.

“You mean I did it?”

“Not necessarily, I just don’t know how it happened.” You supplied, shaking your head to get your hair from your face.

But he reached up and brushed the loose strands back to help. “Can I do anything about it?”

Your brow furrowed, “No?”

“Do you need me to do anything?” All confusion faded now, a smirk slowly taking to his lips.

You chuckled now, sitting up to bring your face closer to his, “Poe...”

“Can I kiss you again?” He returned the laugh and you nodded.

He leaned down, reconnecting your lips slower this time, with a new kind of burning heat behind it. It wasn’t urgent anymore. It was smooth and delicate, surging a fire in your gut as his hands dug deeper into your hair, keeping you in as close as he could manage.

When you finally rolled off of him, the fire hadn’t ceased, it was just satisfied for the time being.

His hands were soft, dragging along the trail of your spine as both of your breathing began to level out. “You’re so beautiful.”

Your head buried into the pillow to hide the flush of your cheeks, but he wasn’t deterred, the pads of his fingers moving further up until they connected with the base of your skull and turned your head back to him.

“Stay the night.” He cooed; his face close enough to return the heat of his breath against your cheeks.

“I can’t—”

Your hand reached to futilely push him away, but he grabbed it and used it to drag you even closer.

“I want you to,” His lips were pressed to your hairline, littering it with kiss after kiss.

“Poe—”

He pulled back in an instant, grip tightening on your hand but his face moving further back. “Are you ashamed of me?”

“What?” The sleepy haze drained from your face just as quickly as he shifted.

“You keep running away, hiding me—”

“Poe, I’m not ashamed of you.” You were quick to add, shaking you head.

He reburied one hand into your hair and tugged at your waist with the other, gripping you like he was afraid you’d leave. Leave like you left every night.

“So, stay.” He pleaded, pressing his forehead against yours.

“I can’t—”

“Please. Just tonight.” His brown eyes didn’t blink, he didn’t let his stare waver, he just pulled you in tighter. “Stay.”

Any defense fell silent on your lips, your heart unable to muster a response.

You just gave a nod, and he settled into bed next to you. Not hot but warm.

When you woke the next morning, the warmth hadn’t dissipated, still pressed into his side, one of his arms protectively slung over your body. It was a warmth you didn’t want to leave,

It was a warmth you knew you could become addicted to if you let it linger. And you had a meeting.

You slipped out as quietly as possible, picking up each article of clothing along the way, dressing easily. A quick check of your watch, you were running later than you would have liked, but not truly late, not yet. You made it to the door and sighed, turning back to steal a glance at his peacefully sleeping form.

Tiptoing back in your boots, you bent down over him and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, making him stir with a smile in his sleep.

With that, you made it out the door, exhaling a breath you didn’t even realize had caught in your throat.

It was okay. You weren’t going to be late, you hadn’t slept in, it was going to be okay—

“Officer?”

Your head turned, your sleep-pressed hair whipping around.

The General. Your heart stopped in your chest.

“This is still Commander Dameron’s room, isn’t it?” She repeated with a knowing quirk to her voice, a knowing quirk which made your heart sink all the way to your feet.

You hummed out a positive response, trying to brush your hand back through your hair, as if that alone would change her opinion. As if it wasn’t painfully obvious what had transpired the night before.

“You have a meeting to get to, don’t you, Officer?” Leia added, almost sympathetic as her gaze took an analytical scan of your appearance.

“Yes, Ma’am, I—”

The door opened to your side, the curls emerging before he did.

“Babe, you forgot your…” The words died out on his lips as he turned and saw it wasn’t just you stood in his doorway. “Officer, I mean.” He quickly corrected, as if the damage wasn’t already done.

He extended a keycard out to you, your keycard. It must have fallen from your pocket in the haste to pull your pants off.

“Yes, thank you, Commander.” You muttered, hardly audible as you grabbed it, gave the General one final nod and moved off down the hall.

He didn’t watch you go, he knew better than that. Instead he turned his attention to the General who had her stare down to her feet, as if to give them a semblance of privacy.

“That wasn’t—” He tried, but even he couldn’t make sense of his defense.

He wasn’t even wearing a shirt and it was way to early in the morning for you to have been there for any other reason.

“What I think it was?” Leia smirked as she finally returned her stare.

“Yes. No. I don’t—”

“We have business to discuss.” She interrupted and he nodded.

“I’ll grab a shirt.”

He was in trouble. Big trouble.

-> my ko-fi

[red-the-dragon-writes]

the misadventures of Skironir and Rubin

crossposted from DeviantArt, written for an "ARPG" on there.

Skironir and Rubin are my ruukans, which are like weird deer moose elk... things. I don't know. They're currently on a quest to get a magical talisman of Gay(tm) from a volcano. Rubin is a directionally-challenged liar, and Skironir is, unfortunately, In Love With Him.

“And you’re sure you know where we’re going,” Skironir said.

“I wouldn’t say I was if I wasn’t,” Rubin snapped back. He was lying, incidentally. He had, like, a vague idea of where to go but… in this weather? In this visibility? The sky was choked with ash. Rubin didn’t even know where the sun was, let alone whether they were going north or south. But the last thing he needed was Skironir bugging him about it. “Why?”

“We’ve walked past that rock three times already,” Skironir said glumly.

“Which rock?”

“That one. The black one.” Skironir gestured towards a little outcropping of some kind of volcanic rock with his head.

“Uh,” said Rubin. “What if it’s just three rocks that kind of look similar?”

“It’s the same rock,” Skironir said. “Look, I told you we should’ve brought someone else along.”

“Who else? Who else would come? In case you hadn’t noticed, neither of us are really overflowing with friends.”

“Well, there’s always Rahh—”

“Friends who can find their way through massive clouds of dust, not friends who will help us steal anything that isn’t nailed down,” Rubin said dismissively.

“Hey, you never know. And besides, aren’t we trying to steal a token? An extra friend or two wouldn’t go amiss, really. This was kind of a mistake—”

“Would you shut up?” Rubin snapped. “I’m trying to figure out where we’re going.”

Skironir grumbled a bit, but obligingly stopped talking.

Rubin squinted at the sky a bit more, struggling to see to no avail.

“I mean,” Skironir said, after a few moments of just complete silence. “Listen, if we just keep going it’s not like we’ll, you know, get any more lost than we already are.”

“Are you joking?” Rubin said.

“Um.”

“You have to be joking, right? That was a joke, right?”

“No, I was serious.”

“We’re not that lost. I sort of know where we are.”

“Is this going to be like the time you got us all lost in the runewoods by accident? I don’t even know how you managed to get us there.”

“What? No. No, I’m not, that was totally different.” Well, he had been lying about knowing where they were then, too. “Probably totally different. At least a little different.”

“I swear to Freya, if you’ve led us around on a wild goose chase looking for something you don’t even know how to find I am going to ditch you here myself, Rubin.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Did you actually—are we really here without any sense of direction? Did you actually do that? Are you for real?”

“Bickering isn’t going to help us find our way any better.”

“So far all that we’ve found is, apparently, a circle to walk in while you lie to me about where we’re going. I think bickering is a better option.”

“Listen, I know where we’re going, okay? I’m serious. I do. I got directions from someone else and everything. I wouldn’t lie to you about that.”

“Yes, you would.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you about that.”

“Yes, you would. You have. More than once.”

“Well, I’m not now. Okay? I know where we’re going.”

“Where are we going, then.”

“Northeast. Like I told you. It’s somewhere at the very foot of the volcano.”

“And you’re really being serious about that.”

“I am.”

“If I find out you’re lying to me, I swear I’m just going to leave you here and go home. I mean it, I will.”

“I believe you,” Rubin said, which was a lie.

“You do, do you,” Skironir said sarcastically.

“I believe you mean it,” Rubin conceded vaguely. “Listen, let’s hunker down and wait for the sky to clear, alright? Just a bit? It shouldn’t take too long.”

“You’d know, would you? Been here before?” Skironir snipped.

“No, but how long could it last?”

It lasted a while.

The sky darkened and got light and darkened again, and the clouds of ash only got worse. It got to the point that they were both dusted gray-white with ash and coughing from whatever it was, something in the air making it heavy and acrid and hard to breathe.

“Sure we shouldn’t just start walking?” Skironir said, at the beginning of the first night.

“No,” Rubin said. “The last thing we need is to get more lost.”

And so they waited, and rested, and when the sun rose Skironir asked again.

“We’re not getting anywhere just sitting here. Are you sure we shouldn’t just pick a direction and start walking?”

“I’m still sure,” Rubin said.

“It’s getting harder to breathe,” Skironir pointed out.

“I’m still sure,” Rubin insisted. “The last thing we need is to get into a place where it’s harder to breathe and then have to stop.”

“Maybe we should give it up,” Skironir said.

“We’ve already come this far.”

“That we have,” Skironir said. “That we have.” And he dropped it, and they waited some more; and then when dusk came again and they were both coughing on the fumes, Skironir brought it up one last time.

“I really don’t think we should stay here.”

“I can’t see how getting lost will help.”

“I think we’re going to suffocate if we stay here.”

“I can’t see how getting lost will help,” Rubin repeated.

“I can’t see how sitting around like a pair of dumbstruck fools will help, either.”

And he was right, so eventually Rubin ducked his head and staggered to his feet, the motion harder than he’d expected. His body felt heavy. Must’ve been the fumes.

“Are— what are we doing now. Are we going?”

“Yeah,” Rubin said. “You’re right. Staying here isn’t doing us any good.”

“And I can’t imagine you can figure out where we need to go from here,” Skironir asked.

“No.”

“So let’s,” Skironir sniffed the air, and broke off into a set of hacking coughs. Rubin fought the urge to wince.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Skironir grimaced. “Let’s go that way.” He inclined his head away from the volcano. Or. Where Rubin thought the volcano was; away from the source of that awful sulfur breeze.

“I think that’s not—I don’t know where we need to go, but I’m pretty sure that’s directly away from it.”

“Do you want to walk into it?”

“Not particularly.”

“Do you have a better idea?”

“No.”

“Then we’ll go this way, and if we’re wrong we’re wrong.”

“I suppose,” Rubin said uncertainly. “We’ve come all this way, though. To go back empty-handed—”

“We can always try again.”

“…yeah,” Rubin said, eventually. “I just—I don’t want to lose our chance.”

“I know. Do you think I do? Obviously not. What do we have, a week left? Two?”

“Not enough.”

“But if we wind up dead, then of course we’re not going to manage it.”

“I know. But if there weren’t any risk, it wouldn’t be an issue—”

“Hanging out in toxic clouds is a little risk?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Rubin said. “Alright. Let’s—let’s get walking, see what we can find this way. You’re right.”

“Right,” Skironir said, and shook his head. “I swear, I can’t wait to get out of this cloud of smoke. I can’t wait for my eyes to stop watering.”

“I know, right,” Rubin said, and shook his legs off a bit. “Let’s head out.”

And they got up, together, out of their little shelter behind the crop of rock, and walked off into the gray haze.

...several days later...

“This is it,” Rubin said. “This has got to be it. Look, remember that whole little nonsense rhyme about the treacherous path and whatever-the-hell?”

“What if it was about something else?” Skironir said, looking dubiously at the sharp path. “I don’t think that can support our weight, if I’m going to be honest with you. Look, it’s practically crumbling.

“The lava clearly used to cover it. If it were that fragile it would’ve melted.”

“That’s even worse,” Skironir gritted his teeth. “Rubin. Do you know how hot lava is?”

“Hot.”

“Yeah. Really hot.”

“If we go across fast enough, it should be fine—”

“It’ll burn our hooves.”

“Not if we go fast enough.”

“Yes, if we go fast enough! Lava is super fucking hot, Rubin. It’s not a game.”

“Okay. Then I’ll try the passageway and you can stay here and then when I get the item you can’t have it.”

“That’s not fair,” Skironir said. “I came all this way.”

“Yeah, but now we have to keep going. And you don’t want to.”

“I just want to be sure this is safe.”

“It’s not,” Rubin said tacitly. “It’s definitely not. But the whole thing isn’t. We’re going into a volcano to get a magical item. What part of that sounds safe to you?”

Skironir sighed. “Yes, yes, I know. But there’s a difference between something dangerous but doable and just messing up out of recklessness. This is the latter, Rubin. You know it and so do I.”

Rubin sighed. Skironir had a point, loathe as he was to admit it. “Fine.”

“Fine?”

“Fine, we’ll try to test it.”

“How?”

Rubin sighed. “Uh, I don’t know. Let me just try crossing.”

“That’s… that… kind of defeats the purpose of testing it,” Skironir said.

“I’ll go slowly.”

“Still.”

Rubin snorted and turned away, looking back to the narrow rock ridge.

“Be careful,” Skironir said, evidently giving up on dissuading him.

“I will,” Rubin said.

The ridge was made of black basalt, but shards of volcanic glass poked up here and there, sharp enough to cut. Rocks littered the pathway, as though they had fallen there and gotten stuck. The whole thing was barely the width of Rubin’s shoulders, and it looked uneven. Not something Rubin would want to brave in any other circumstance, that was for sure, and that wasn’t even considering the deathly heat bubbling up from the magma deep below the cavern and running through the walls beside them. One slip would mean death, without a shadow of a doubt. And if he was wrong, and there was a channel of lava running underneath or inside that chasm, even stepping foot on it could mean death, too.

Rubin took a deep breath, shot off a desperate prayer to Loki znd to Odin, and set foot on the walkway. He half expected it to crumble under his feet.

It held. It was slippery, but it held. Rubin tested his weight, and then delicately set down his other foot. The pathway was so narrow that he had to lean his feet towards each other to avoid from setting it directly on the edge. Rocks shifted under his second hoof, and he felt around for a more stable foothold before finally setting it down and attempting to take a carful step forward.

It was slow going, finding the safe footholds, waiting to make sure they’d handle his weight. And the oppressive heat of the volcano only grew more and more intense the further over the ridge he got. Besides and below it, he could feel hot air absolutely blasting up at him, superheated from the laval below, and it was already hot enough to begin with here so close to the heart of the earth. With his luck, the earth would shake underneath him, and he’d go crashing down into that all-destroying heat—

“Please hold still, please hold still, please hold still,” Rubin murmured under his breath, feeling for a safe foothold for his next step.

“What was that?” said Skironir. “Are—are you going to fall?”

“No,” Rubin called back. “Just, uh, you know, I don’t. I think it’s fine, actually. Uh.”

“You sound nervous as hell.”

“I am! I’m walking on a tiny pathway over a whole bunch of lava! Please let me concentrate, so I don’t die.”

Skironir scoffed, but also shut up.

Rubin made it to about halfway over the ridge without issue, and then when he set down his hoof to take the next step, he felt an alarming slide start to happen, and picked his hoof up just in time for a whole section of the path to snap and go sliding down to the cavernous depths below. The path wasn’t destroyed, no, no, it was still walkable, but that was deeply concerning. Skironir hissed in a breath behind him, but Rubin couldn’t afford to focus on him, not if he wanted to avoid meeting the same fate as that cluster of rocks.

The rocks around it, Rubin probed around very carefully with one hoof, seeemed relatively stable, at least, and he kept walking.

“Rubin, I think you should come back now,” Skironir said, as soon as he started up again. Rubin slipped and hastily had to struggle to get his balance back, instinctively turning back to look at him.

“Uh, I can’t,” he said, after a second. “I can’t turn to look at you without overbalancing. I can’t walk backwards on this ledge without falling.”

“Oh, shit,” Skironir said.

“So there’s only one way to go, and that’s all the way to the end.”

“Oh, shit,” Skironir repeated. “Loki guide us.”

“I just hope he doesn’t start moving while we’re on here. The last thing we’d need, ha,” Rubin said, trying to keep his tone light, “would be an earthquake. Could you imagine that?”

“Oh, good gods. You’re going to jinx us.”

“Just… let me concentrate on getting all the way to the edge, okay?”

“We should’ve brought a rope.”

Now that was a good idea. “We should’ve. Next year.”

“Next year,” Skironir agreed.

“Please let me concentrate now.”

Skironir reluctantly fell silent. Rubin could hear him prancing nervously at the edge of the more solid ground.

For his part, Rubin managed, albeit nervously, to make it the rest of the way across the narrow ridge and onto a larger outcropping of rock. He turned, and attempted to school his body language into something a little more reassuring. “Okay, Skironir. Perfectly safe. Now it’s your turn.”

“Perfectly safe,” Skironir repeated.

“Perfectly safe.”

“If I die, I’m going to claw my way back to this earth just so I can haunt you. I can’t believe you’ve talked me into this,” Skironir groused, cautiously setting one hoof and then the other onto the path. Skironir was a shade smaller than Rubin, and he fit on the path a little more comfortably, although not by much. He picked his way across relatively quickly, compared to Rubin, but did so safely for the most part. And for his part, Rubin got to discover a fascinating little tidbit: it was actually more nerve-wracking to watch someone you cared about pick their way over a deadly flow of lava on the world’s narrowest crumbling path ever than it was to do it yourself.

But at least he was doing it safely, Rubin figured. He didn’t put his hooves down wrong once. He didn’t slip, and the rocks didn’t break out from under him. He was nearly all the way over.

Skironir set one hoof down on solid ground, and then the other, and then he put one of his hooves wrong of rthe first time and the entire path crumbled beneath him. Rubin jumped forwards, trying to catch him, and Skironir scrabbled desperately at the uneven surface of the volcanic rock. By some miracle they managed to get him up, and he didn’t fall to a terrible and painful death. Had he been half an inch further back, it most likely wouldn’t have worked.

Good gods.

“Skironir, I— are you okay?” Rubin asked, sniffing him carefully.

“Rubin, how are we going to get back?”

“What? Are—are you hurt?”

“Rubin. The path. How are we going to get out?”

Rubin blinked at the chasm, now inconveniently missing several feet of path.

Aw, shit.

[thegirlinthemirrorposts]

Are you finally actively hating on Harry? I've been watching you and your pathetic Louie ass for ages, and I'm extremely happy that you finally are showing your true colours.

Lol.

Have a nice day, Nonnie, and pls click on the unfollow button if you are following me, or simply do not search for my blog, if you are not one of my followers. I don't want to ruin your Tumblr experience or sg like that.

Like I said in tags literally an hour ago, I'm tired of being part of this divided fandom, I'm tired of NOT HAVING an opinion here, because if you say A or B, you are an ..(insert anything bad here).... by law, and this ..(same)... cathegory will be your prison forever.

Do I agree with everything H does? Nope. Am I supporting him when he releases music? Yes.

Do I agree with everything Niall does? Nope. Am I supporting him when he releases music? Yes.

Do I agree with everything Liam does? Nope. Am I supporting him when he releases music? Yes.

I am a fucking "directioner" (oh God, why do we still use this term) and I'll always be a fan of the boys.

Do I love Louis the most? YES. 100% YES. I have always loved Louis the most. And I was very vocal about it from the fucking beginning. He was the reason I started stanning the band. He was the reason I opened my Tumblr blog. His personality is what vibes with mine, he's the one who easily could be a friend of mine if he wasn't an international star, just a regular boy who loves footie and beer, and playing the guitar. Did I lie about Louis being my favourite? Nope. Never.

My true colour was always blue. And yellow. And green. And red. And the whole fucking rainbow. And it still is.

But I do not have the obligation to love EVERYTHING they do, to always exculpate H or Jeffrey or the other members of his team. Or Sony. I'm not here to alleviate the harm Liam's drinking problem caused, or to relativize the pain BG caused. I'm not here to constantly recite how unproblematic Niall is, when it's also far from reality. From the four of them he's the less problematic, that's true, but he also makes his own mistakes.

So long story short, dear Nonnie, pls let me be, and forget that I exist. Thank you very much.

[vespertine-legacy]

Swtor shenanigans from today:

I’ve been running as many of my toons through Pirate Week stuff as possible to build up my rep there (just made it to Champion and started into Legend, about to hit my cap for the week, but will build up a bit that I’ll be able to collect on at the end of the week, though it probably won’t be enough to get me finished out). Got to help a couple folks through their first-ever run on the Pirate Incursion heroic missions, which was really fun! A lot of times when you group with randos for those heroics, it’s just folks who want to blast through it, don’t check to be sure everyone is ready before they start fights, and then quickly disperse when it’s over. Which is fine, and sometimes that’s preferred (like when I’ve got 20 toons I’m trying to run through all of the missions). But these folks were funny and pleasant and seemed just very excited to be playing and learning new things, and it was cute, and I hope they had a good random group experience.

Then, while I was trying to do Pirate Stuff with Cershaa, I saw someone ask about nine times on Endgame for 1 Tank for HM Eternity Vault. I figured since they’d asked so much, and since EV is easy enough, and since I’m Prone to making Endgame Mistakes, it shouldn’t be too big of a deal that 1) Cershaa is geared but not augmented and 2) I’ve done EV on every role but tank. So I whispered them and said that if they didn’t mind being patient with me since it would be my first time tanking that op, I would go.

Turns out it was mostly a guild group that had been trying to put together a run for HM EV for a while. Got invited to their discord. Joined but told them I would stay on mute. Was referred to as “he” the entire time, presumably because of being a tank since I didn’t talk but was on a female toon. (I wasn’t bothered, but gender assumptions in gaming are interesting). They asked if I had tanked it in story mode, and I told them no, but that I usually heal, so I know where the tank needs to be, and just would need to know any specific tips for each fight.

On the first boss, our dps was too low, and the droid enraged. All of the dps were also standing under the boss, so he basically one-shotted everyone but me. I think we got him to like 10% health though, but not close enough. Tried a second pull with some adjustments, same thing except this time got him to 4%. It was pointed out that some folks weren’t in 306 gear and so they offered to leave and be replaced. One of them dropped, but so did one person who was in 306 gear. So we got two replacements, and still had one dps in maybe 286 gear. No biggie, let’s do this. A little hairy, but we killed it.

Gharj decided to glitch and not actually make a path to the next island fall for us. So we got him down to maybe 30% on the first island...but the lava started rising on said island without anywhere for us to go and two dps died before we finally had a path. Once he finally did make a path, things went fine there, but because our fallen dps had an island spawn on top of them, we “couldn’t see target” to res them.

Pylon puzzles and the Council fight both went surprisingly smoothly, probably the smoothest I’ve seen either of those go.

First pull against Soa started fine. Everyone heard his dialogue trigger for the first floor drop and moved out in time. The group leader actually explained that on the middle floor, it falls at 30% health (no one had actually told me before that that’s what triggers it). However, I’m directionally challenged and ran the wrong way. I did fall onto the floor and not the lava, and put a target marker on myself so that I could be revived when they got to the bottom, but a dps died on the way down, and they opted to res them instead (and neither of the scoundrels was willing to try a stealth res for me before Soa engaged the group, because they wanted everyone focused on the mind traps as soon as they popped). But, then everyone died, so we tried again. Second pull actually went very smoothly, and now I have tanking Eternity Vault under my belt.

I then did the Eternal Championship on Kestrel, for something completely different, which was pretty fun, though a couple of the fights were very frustrating in that I’m still not really sure what the mechanic is supposed to be. Also now I have to do it on every class for the cheevos ;-; (I want the Eternal Agent title more than any of the others but my agents are squishy; maybe Tulia can make it through...).

I’m annoyed that my discord overlay notifications have stopped working, because I missed someone’s offer to be summoned to the Belsavis Green Matrix Shard Datacron (one of the last datacrons I’m missing) and an offer to heal NiM Terror from Beyond.

[deathlikesdeep-dish]

The Razr (Zoro AU Scenario)

Hi guys!

I’m so flattered that I’ve had some people join me here on this fun writing journey!! I truly truly do a little happy dance every time I get a follow. :D 

I keep meaning to just sit down and write a quick lil somethin somethin, but it always ends up longer than I intend 😅

This is a headcanon I came up with about Zoro having a crazy outdated flip phone that he refused to get rid of and his friends finally forced him to get a smartphone so he could use GPS. 

It turned out a little more serious and emotional than I originally intended, but I’m pretty pleased with it!! Would love to get y’alls feedback. 

xx

Warnings: obscene amounts of fluff, language 

Word Count: 1862

“Zoro, where the fuck are you??” Nami yelled on the other end of the phone. He could hear the irritation in her voice.

He groaned and rubbed his hand over his face in frustration. “I really don’t know, Nami. I think I made a wrong turn,” He paused and sighed. “Or two? Shit, I don’t know.”

Zoro could hear Nami yelling on the other end of the line, and he placed his phone in the cup holder, knowing that this might be a while. He hit his head a few times on the steering wheel of his car, closing his eyes as he waited for her to finish screeching. He was used to this. He knew that he wasn’t the most directionally adept member of his friend group, but he got by….when others were around.

What made matters worse is that Zoro absolutely refused to get rid of his ancient, bulky flip phone, a fact that Nami never failed to bring up in situations just like this. He didn’t see a point in getting a new phone when his old one worked just fine. He thought back to a conversation he’d had about it just the other day with his friends.

-

“Bro, you’ve gotta be kidding me,” Their newest friend Franky said upon seeing Zoro pull his phone out of his pocket. “A fucking Motorola Razr? That thing has gotta be 10 years old!”

“It’s actually 12 years old,” Luffy chimed in with a laugh. “It was Kuina’s before it was Zoro’s.”

“Kuina? Who’s Kuina?” Franky asked. Zoro tensed up at the mention of her name, and the room went silent. Even Luffy noticed that he’d made a mistake in bringing her up. Zoro squeezed the phone tightly in his pocket.

Kuina was Zoro’s older sister. Five years his senior, Kuina had used the phone as her own for several years before she upgraded and passed it to Zoro. At first, he resented that she always got the newest stuff, and that he got the hand-me-downs. Now, he wouldn’t dream of letting it go. Kuina had died in a tragic accident just a couple years back. She was only 25. This phone was one of the only things that she had ever given him that was hers, along with the family katana that had been passed down for generations.

“Sorry, Zoro,” Luffy murmured, stuffing a bite of food into his mouth uncomfortably. Zoro simply grumbled in response with a shrug.

“Still,” Nami ventured tentatively. “Maybe it would be helpful for you to get a smartphone sometime soon. They all come with GPS systems built in.”

“And what’s wrong with a map?” Zoro snapped back.

“Well, nothing…” Nami said.

“Unless you can’t actually read it!” Luffy shouted out, not able to help himself. He cackled. Zoro shot him a glare, and he laughed even more. He crossed his arms over his broad chest.

“Yeah, well whatever. Next time I get lost, I’ll get a fucking smartphone. Deal?” Zoro said, to get them off his back more than anything.

Nami’s eyes lit up conspiratorially. “Don’t say stuff like that unless you mean it, Zoro.”

Zoro waved her off. They all knew that he certainly wasn’t going to purchase his own phone, so it was a moot point. It worked perfectly fine. Plus, it was hers. He’d keep it as long as it worked.

-

He was pulled from his reverie by Nami yelling his name.

“ZORO,” She yelled. He picked his phone back up and placed it at his ear.

“Goddamn it, Nami. I fucking know I suck at directions, please stop bitching at me,” He growled.

She started to say something, but stopped herself with a sigh. “Ugh. You exhaust me.” She replied.

“What else is new?” He snapped back.

“Whatever, Zoro. I just can’t believe you got lost on the way to your own birthday party.”

“Like I even care about this shit anyway,” He said. “It’s you and Luffy that always insist on throwing a party in the first place.”

“Hey man, don’t pretend like you don’t like eating food and getting shit-faced.”

He rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything. He knew he didn’t have an argument there.

“Can you see a street sign anywhere?” Nami finally asked after a few moments when there was no reply.

Zoro looked up towards the streetlight and squinted at a sign in the distance. “Yeah, it looks like I’m at the corner of Alabasta and Logue Town drive.”

“Thank Christ,” Nami sighed. “You’re not that far. I’ll send Franky and Sanji to go get you.”

Zoro groaned. “Why does Sanji have to come? Doesn’t he have a fucking cake to bake or something?”

“They need to go out and get a few things from the store,” Nami said. “Listen, you’re the one that’s lost. Suck it up.”

“Ugh. Fine. See you soon.” He hung up, not wanting to hear anything else.

It took Franky and Sanji about 10 minutes to get to him.Thankfully, they just decided to have Zoro follow behind them in his car rather than ride together. Zoro wasn’t sure he could stop himself from punching that jackass directly in the face if he said anything to him.

They finally got back to Robin’s house where they were having the party. Robin was for sure the most adult out of any of them. She’d already bought this crazy historic home and had a job at an archeology firm while everybody else was living in shitty, thrown-together apartment complexes, eating pizza rolls and beer for every meal.

Sanji had looked like he was going to start some shit when they got out of the car, but decided against it when Zoro gave him a look. Plus, Sanji thought, it’s the guy’s birthday. Probably should lay off for one night.

Everyone was pleased to see him, and only gave him a moderately hard time about getting lost on the way to his own party. And despite himself, Zoro gave in to the jovial atmosphere. A few beers certainly helped. By the time he and Luffy had teamed up to play beer pong against Law and Usopp (“Sniper-king, my ass,” Zoro had thought to himself on Usopp’s third consecutive loss), Zoro was feeling pretty damn good. These were his people. They’d been the ones that were there for him. Even when new friends were added to the group, they’d always fit in. Luffy was the usual recruiter, and he somehow managed to find some cool-ass people.

The best time to give Zoro any gifts, Nami had discovered, was when he was sufficiently plastered enough to not object to them. Zoro was always more affectionate and willing to be the recipient of attention when he was drunk.

“Alright!” Nami announced over the blare of the music. “It’s present time, you degenerates! Sit your asses down!”

Franky turned the music down from his smartwatch, lowering it to a dull roar. Zoro was feeling warm and smiley, so he didn’t object when Robin lead him to the couch in the middle of the living room to receive his gift.

“What did y’all fuckers get me this time?” Zoro laughed, slurring a bit as he talked.

Nami rolled her eyes and Luffy just bounced excitedly from the armchair across the room. No matter how much he had to drink, it would seem, Luffy was always one big ball of energy.

“Remember,” Nami said, handing him a small, delicately wrapped box. “You promised.”

Zoro furrowed his brow, confusedly. “I promised?” He started to open the box, a bit nervous all of a sudden about what he would find under the shiny paper.

When he finally finished unwrapping the box, he froze. In his hand, he found a brand new iPhone. He looked up at his friends, knowing how much something like this cost.

“Guys, this is ridiculous,” He said, not knowing exactly how he felt.

“Stop,” Nami said, holding a hand up.

“Yeah, we all pitched in! Even Sanji!” Luffy grinned from his chair. “So no take backsies!”

He looked up at the room full of expectant faces, flushed from the alcohol and the good company. There was a pit in his stomach. On the one hand, he was angry. They knew how he felt about his phone. They knew what it meant to him. It wasn’t just a stupid phone. On the other hand, he was touched. Touched that his friends had come together to help him out. He found himself putting his hand in his pocket, thumbing over the ancient flip-phone that had once been hers.

“Guys, my phone works perfectly well,” He managed after swallowing. “This is completely unnecessary.”

“C’mon man,” Usopp clapped his hand on his shoulder. “You know it isn’t unnecessary. Do you need a reminder that you got lost on the way to your own party tonight?” He laughed.

Zoro remained silent, one hand gripping the new phone, and the other deep in the pocket of his pants.

“So, of course, we figured that you’d feel this way,” Robin chimed in. “So, that’s only one part of the gift.”

Zoro snapped his head towards Robin, the crease in his brow deepening. She pulled out another box from behind her back and handed it to him. This one was slightly larger, and a bit heavier. He peeled back the wrapping paper.

“It’s a shadow box,” Franky said. “So you can still keep your old phone, too.”

“Just on display on the shelf,” Nami said. “Instead of in your pocket.”

“We know how much it means to you, mosshead,” Sanji grumbled from the doorway. “You don’t have to get rid of the old phone. So, just accept the gift already.”

Zoro felt himself get teary-eyed. He told himself it was the alcohol as he wiped his hand over his eyes before tears could fall down his cheeks. “Thanks guys,” Was all he could manage.

Knowing that he needed the attention off of him, his friends just laughed and cheered, turning the music up to get back to the party. Franky spent the rest of the evening helping set up Zoro’s phone and showing him all of the functions that he would have access to. Zoro was still so overwhelmed, but he tried to make himself pay attention. Finally, and most importantly, Franky downloaded Google Maps and showed him how to use it. Zoro pocketed the phone with a slight smile and a ‘thank you.’ It felt heavy and big in the back pocket of his jeans. His heart felt heavy too. He couldn’t help but feel like this was the end of something. But somewhere, he knew that Kuina would be looking down on him, so happy that he had found such thoughtful friends.

Luffy raised his glass for a toast. “To Zoro! And never getting lost again!”

The rest of them raised their glasses, looking over to Zoro expectantly as they waited for him to raise his glass too. He reached for his beer and raised it slightly with a smirk.

“You motherfuckers are gonna regret this,” He grinned finally. “Getting lost was my only character defect. Now I’ll be unstoppable.”

[recentanimenews]

OPINION: How Cells at Work! Taught Me to Embrace Self-Care

  CONTENT WARNING: This article contains references to mental illness as well as self-harm, eating disorders, and alcohol abuse. Reader discretion is advised. 

  The next chapter in the story of Cells at Work! has arrived on Crunchyroll, and with it, we can continue the story about you, your body, and your 37.2 trillion cells. This is the story of how Cells at Work! saved my life and helped me become a healthier person. 

  I won’t get into the nitty-gritty details of the things that have happened to me — we don’t have the luxury of time. What I will say is that my most recent psychiatric ARNP, while doing my assessment, said I had six lives’ worth of trauma packed into my 26 years. I chose unhealthy coping mechanisms. I struggled between the desire to feel everything and nothing at all, where poor circumstances bred poor decisions. 

    Initially while facing suffering, I was jaded. But after several abusive relationships, my feelings transformed into a helpless acceptance that I was unworthy of good things. The depression infected every instance of my life: I stopped eating; some days it took me three hours just to convince myself to shower; some days I couldn’t convince myself to shower at all. I swung between frantic insomnia and using sleep as an escape. 

  When I reached out to family and friends, I was met with an overwhelming tirade of toxic positivity. It felt like I was drowning beneath the riptide while they were standing on the shoreline screaming at me to learn how to swim. And so, I turned to anime. Anime has always been a part of my mental health regimen. I found that if I was able to laugh during a crisis, I was able to slowly reel myself back from devastating action. Several series have played this heroic role, and in this instance, it was Cells at Work!. 

    Cells at Work! was delightful, and like many, I was charmed by its cities of anthropomorphic cells: the somewhat ditzy and directionally challenged AE3803 red blood cell; the stoic and sometimes ruthless U-1146 white blood cell; the adorable platelets; the chiseled killer-T cells. It was a lovely little slice of life and comedy venture, giving me a much-needed escape from reality.

  When Cells at Work! CODE BLACK started airing, I was more than eager to jump back into the quirky land and follow my cell friends for some comedy giggles, and at times, astute observations. I hadn’t read the manga, and I didn’t know this story would be one of a deteriorating body full of danger, loss, and chaos. 

  Suddenly, it all became real: the true consequences my actions were having on my body and the trillions of cells that are a part of it. I saw the effect downing a bottle of wine in one sitting would have on my liver cells; the demand facing my blood cells with an ever-decreasing supply of food and energy; the repercussions self-mutilation would have on my poor platelets — that doing so would be evicting cells just like AE3803 from her home, ridding her of her purpose, and ultimately denying her life.

    But unlike all of the conversations I had with others before — the counselors and the well-meaning mentors and the concerned friends and family — what I felt wasn’t disgust at my previous actions. It wasn’t circles of sorrow and self-hatred, nor was it an endless cycle of guilt and shame ... I wasn’t revolted by what I had done, rather, I was determined to be better. 

  My cells can’t yell at me. They don’t speak English. They have no HR, no benefits package, no union. I’m their only ally and advocate, the only one who can make their world better and work easier, perhaps even more meaningful. So I have to listen or they will strike and all the lights will go off. I have to, because if I don’t, who else will?

  When I thought about it less like it was my blood and my body, and more like I was the mother or caretaker to all of these little beings, I was able to do things I couldn’t before: eat, exercise, hydrate, choose healthy coping mechanisms and refrain from self-mutilation. I now had a purpose, which wasn’t so loosely defined as “self-love.” I wanted to be able to provide a safe home and a good working environment so all of my cells could do their jobs.

  Slowly, I began to change. 

  Bit by bit, moment by moment, I took steps to try and help my cells. 

  I began to set an alarm to remind myself to eat. Eventually, this led to tracking those meals to see if I was getting balanced and proper nutrition, and later to meal planning to ensure the blood cells could do their jobs efficiently and without worry. I invested in some supplements to help me sleep; I stopped looking at electronics at midnight to give my brain time to wind down. I started each day by doing some simple arm motions and stretching, moving up to walking and gentle yoga routines, to finally going for a run this last week, in hopes of helping my blood circulation and increasing my blood pressure since I have severe hypotension.

  I’ll admit, some days are harder than others. At times, I mess up. I don’t manage to cook a healthy meal or I can’t get out of bed. But these slips are tenfold healthier than my previous coping mechanisms and I acknowledge that I’m human. Mistakes, accidents, and blunders are bound to happen, but I can minimize the damage and I can try to prepare for those days when they come. Some days the destructive urges are there, but the key is that I don’t act on those harmful impulses. I’m able to control myself and reach for healthier alternatives because I can’t bear the thought of hurting my cells more than I already have. I have to be better for them.

    So many times I have had people tell me that I have to put on my own face mask before helping someone else. While that all makes sense in theory (I can rationalize it), putting it into action and practice is an entirely different experience. It doesn’t in any way recognize that having a life and living it for oneself is a lot of pressure. The overbearing crush of expectation compounded with the unrelenting belief that I am undeserving of basic life necessities. How many of us feel unworthy?

  In the face of death, severe stress, and exhaustion, NT4201 (AE3803’s junior) asks: “Even if we try our hardest, do you really believe it’ll change anything?” 

  How many times have I asked myself that question, unable to find an answer? 

  Fortunately, Cells at Work! provides one for us. Throughout the series, we see cells helping each other as they go about their daily lives. It’s not just that their tasks are their jobs and that is their sole purpose. They strive to work their hardest for the others that live there. AE3803 persists because “Everyone is trying their best. I also have to do this too.” 

    In Cells at Work! CODE BLACK, AA2153 has a similar experience. He asks white blood cell U-1196 if their jobs are really worth risking their lives for. She replies: “We might be working so we can find the answer to that.” The series confirms our experience — there are things we cannot control; bad things happen. Even so, there are actions we can take and people we can rely on because we’re not alone. 

  I couldn’t do it for myself. But I could do it for them. 

Cells at Work!’s personification was the allegory I needed to commit to self-care and a healthier lifestyle. It reminded me that sometimes it’s not the big things that keep us here ... sometimes it’s something as small as a single cell working their hardest that leads to revelations and meaningful change.

    I hope I can live in a way my cells can be proud of. I hope I can give them a better life. 

  How has anime helped you practice self-care? Which anime has encouraged you to lead a healthier life? Let me know in the comments below!

    Annie is a writer for Crunchyroll Features. She hopes her platelets know how much she loves them, and she still has a mega-crush on white blood cell U-1196. She also runs Annieme, a blog committed to anime and mental health. Follow her @anniemeaddict.

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features! 

By: Annie M