#one does not simply force a hyperfixation

[coreaflame]

so ssorry to anyone i promised art to . my msm hyperfixation has unfortunately ended , which took a toll on my motivation to draw . i still really like the game , but it just does not make me as happy as it used to

above is an artistic representation of what ive been doing for the past month or so . resting . and i will continue to rest for a bit more .sorry

[scribbyizback]

ok well now I'm fucking pissed

[nicksolemnlyswears]

WAYS TO DESTRESS

summary: after a long day, all coriolanus wants to do is blow some steam off. nothing will stop him from getting what he wants…not even your sleepy state

pairing: young! coriolanus snow x capitol! reader

word count: 3.1k

warnings: 18+, smut, cursing, somnophilia, dub non-con, p in v, oral (f receiving), fingering, squirting, pussy spanking, belly bulge (?), LISTEN I KNOW ITS UNLIKELY BUT LET ME BE UNHINGED, a bit rough nothing too crazy, get your holy water though, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it please)

a/n: this came to me the moment i opened my eyes this morning. pure filth. i shouldn't be proud but i am. goes to show how much coriolanus is plaguing my thoughts day and night. my new little hyperfixation. a new villain to add to my collection <3

PT. 2

requests open ✨

All Coriolanus feels is anger. It's been pumping through his veins throughout most of the day, almost causing him to lose his composure at all the wrong places. He can never afford to fuck up. He already did it once, and second chances are nonexistent in the Capitol.

He owes a lot to Dr. Gaul. After all, she saw the value in Coriolanus. She saw right through him and his faux kindness and unearthed his true wickedness. He simply needed a nudge in the right direction.

While working for with her is an honor, it is hardly easy. Like all aspects of his life, he's had to adapt to how she runs her lab. Coriolanus is hardly a follower; he's a leader, but as long as he remains under the tutelage of Dr. Gaul, he will have to follow her orders. Which means he has to talk when spoken to and perform how she expects him to.

There are days when it all becomes too much. His pride rises to the surface, forcing him to stifle it as best as he can before he does something he regrets.

He has to think of the scrutinizing gaze of his peers waiting for him to fail. As much as they pretend to be his friend, they want him to make a mistake so they can rise to the occasion. He won't allow that.

His apartment is silent when he steps in. The lavish decor is obscured by the lack of illumination. It's to be expected, seeing it's well past midnight.

Leaving his coat by the door, Coriolanus walks towards the bedroom. He needs to destress now, or he'll carry all his anger and frustration on his shoulders for the rest of the week. He can't have that. He can't lose control and look bad in front of Dr. Gaul and the others.

In the master bedroom, he finds you lying on the soft mattress, tangled in the silky bedsheets. He watches your chest rise and fall with gentle breaths, your pouty lips slightly ajar. It's a shame he's going to disturb your sleep, but he needs to let off some steam. That's one of the numerous reasons he has his pretty little girlfriend.

Coriolanus unbuttons the red waistcoat and removes his shoes, leaving them in the armchair. As he approaches your side of the bed, he notices the bright orange bottle on the nightstand and your book thrown haphazardly on the floor.

It's rare for you to take sleep aid medication because you hate how they knock you out. You only take them when you've had a particularly rough day. It seems Coriolanus is not alone in this. Today has been bad for both you and him.

Still, his plan remains the same. Coriolanus leans over you, kissing your forehead gingerly before his lips continue to trail down to kiss your cheek and lips. You don't stir with the soft touches.

Coriolanus darkly chuckles. It's not often he gets to do this. He'll take it as a treat for his patience throughout the day. He'd say the universe is working in his favor if he believed in such silly things.

Having you so pliable and willing in his hands excites him to no end. Lying on the bed, he digs his head on your shoulder, leaving marks for you to find in the morning. It spurs him on to hear little gasps falling from your lips.

"Beautiful and all mine," he mutters into the silent room as he lowers down the thin straps of your night dress to reveal your chest.

Coriolanus takes his time with your body. Even while asleep, it responds to his touch. He sucks and squeezes on your breasts harshly, biting down on the stiff peaks of your nipples.

He's not as gentle this time around compared to other times in the past. Then, you were simply asleep; now, you're completely doped out. He will miss your whines and the way you berate him.

Coriolanus continues down your body until he settles between your legs. "Fuck, darling," he audible groans when he lifts up your nighty to find a patch on your panties. Who would've thought you'd be as responsive to him while asleep.

He gives into his urges as he presses his nose against your center, smelling your arousal and licking up the wet fabric with his tongue. He only parts for a moment as he roughly slides the thin fabric off.

With you like this, there is no reason to tease. He doesn't have to kiss your thighs or hold himself back. Coriolanus can truly delve into what he wants without a spectacle.

It's why he buries his tongue into your wet cunt as soon as he has the chance. He holds your limp thighs on his shoulders as he presses himself against you, his blue eyes closing in ecstasy at the taste.

Soft noises- moans- come from above him as you slightly stir in your drug-induced sleep. While Coriolanus suck on your pearl of nerves, he wonders what you're dreaming about and if he's the protagonist as well.

His hips roll onto the mattress underneath, soothing the ache on his cock. He could go straight to fucking you but wants this to last. He needs to keep his mind busy, and eating you out is the answer.

Unconsciously, you grind your cunt on his tongue, chasing your release. Coriolanus smiles at this and rewards you with fucking you with his tongue. He's determined to make you cum all over it.

"Oh," he hears you whine when his nose rubs on your sensitive clit. He knows you're close. He feels it in the way your thighs are suddenly clenching around him.

There is no doubt in his mind you're still asleep. If you were awake, you'd be gripping his hair like a vice and calling his name for everyone to hear. You'd be begging him to fuck you silly.

Coriolanus laps up your juices like a starving man when you cum. Despite living in poverty, he never felt the need to act in such a way until he tasted you for the first time. He treats his sweet little girlfriend's cunt like a delicacy.

He stops himself before he almost makes you cum again as he slurps and sucks on your cunt. From up close, he can see the way your clit twitches under the pleasure. He leaves a bruise that will turn purple by morning on the inside of your thigh. It'll be a telltale sign he was there, devouring you while you soundly slept. A reminder you're his to use whenever he pleases.

Taking the rest of his clothes off, Coriolanus returns to your sleeping body. He pumps his cock in his fist as he looks at all the bruises and marks he left behind, and you'll have to hide because you can't have him seem like a pervert in front of his classmates.

Kneeling on the bed, he wraps your legs around his hips. He teases your wet cunt with the fat head of his cock, nudging over your clit repeatedly. He continues this until his cock is slick with your juices. As an extra, he spits down on your cunt, spreading his saliva over you. Not because you need lubrication but because he likes the sight of him on you in every which way.

No matter how many times Coriolanus has fucked you throughout your two years of being together, he's always had trouble pushing his cock in. He has to take a deep breath when he bottoms out as your cunt tries to choke him out. It's one of his favorite things about you, a constant reminder of the day he took your innocence.

It's only when he begins rocking his hips into you that you give any indication of waking up.

"What?" You whine as panic settles into you. Your brain isn't working properly. You're hazy and confused. Not knowing where you are, you get scared, and your heart races.

Coriolanus holds your hands as you begin struggling. As he leans down to talk to you, he pins you down, leaving you impaled with his cock. He immensely enjoys the struggle but can't have you screaming out in panic.

"It's just me, darling," he coo's in your ear, nuzzling his nose against your face. It works as your heart begins settling down.

"Coryo?" You sniff with tears in your eyes as your panic is quickly swept away. You try to speak, but the pills leave your tongue heavy and your brain foggy.

"Yes, your Coryo," he responds, kissing your cheek sweetly.

You've stopped struggling and spread your legs once again, just how he likes it. He even feels you clenching down purposefully around Coriolanus' cock. You're no saint; you enjoy making it hard for him even in your drugged-out state.

"Relax, darling. Go back to sleep," he hushes you, softly rocking into you.

Your eyes are already closed as he utters the words. You have no choice in the matter. Granted, now you sleep calmer, knowing it's Coryo touching you and making you feel food.

Coriolanus calls your name once, twice, and there is no response. You're back with the sandman, peacefully asleep. He takes it as a sign to keep fucking you.

Kneeling back on the bed, Coriolanus brings up your thighs to touch your chest. Your pretty cunt is on full display, showcasing the hues of pink and glistening fluids that shine under the lowlights of the bedroom.

Coriolanus licks the pads on his fingers before they smack down on your center. The only way it'll look even better is if it had that familiar twinge of red. He aims for the center, straight at your pearl, and smacks his hand down several times.

It manages to wake you again, eyes hooded with sleep, staring at him and complaints falling from your lips. Each time the 'smack' reverberates and you flinch, he soothes the sting, spreading the clear strings of arousal that drip from your hole.

Only when your cunt is flushed red and your clit is puffed out of its fleshy covering, does he pull you down on his cock. He fucks in and out of you mercilessly, addicted to the way your tight walls hug his cock even as he pulls out.

He glances towards your face and notes you're back to sleep. If it were up to him, you'd take the pills more often just so he could find you waiting for him asleep, naked on the bed. A real-life doll of his own.

The sound of skin slapping and his desperate moans and grunts fill the room, along with some of your smaller ones. He doesn't tend to be so vocal; he prefers listening to you beg for him, but with no one to hear him, he lets it all out.

Coriolanus places a hand on your lower tummy, pressing down to feel himself through your walls. It's an erotic thing to feel his cock slipping in and out, reaching the deepest parts of you.

He slows the pace of his thrusting, opting to go harder and deeper, just where he can make out the bump on your pelvis of his cock head.

The pressure Coryo is causing doesn't go unnoticed by you. Groggily, you open your eyes to find him with his head dipped down, whispering profanities to himself, a pretty sheen of sweat covering his fair skin.

"Mmm, Co-coryo," you moan, catching his attention.

With a glint in his eyes, he grabs your hand, placing it where you can feel it too, his fingers lacing through yours as he holds it down, "Feel this? No one will ever get you to feel like I do, darling. I'm going to ruin you for all others. Not like I'll let you leave anyways."

It's never crossed your mind to leave Coriolanus. Not for a second. The moment you set eyes on him, you knew he was it, and the ring on your finger is a promise of that. It's why you let him use you as he pleases.

You babble out a response as the darkness consumes you once more. By morning, you'll barely remember a thing as a side effect of the pills, but Coryo won't let you forget.

The mixture of your relaxed state, Coriolanus' hand pressing down on you, and the angle of his thrusts allow for something that hasn't happened before. Something he'll enjoy for the years to come.

As he viciously snaps his hips to chase his release, you wiggle under him. There are words on your heavy tongue neither can make out, a warning.

"Shh," Coriolanus quiets you down, focusing on the way you're milking his cock for all that his worth.

He's in for a surprise when a particularly angled thrust causes you to squirt around him. A stream of your juices covering his cock and abdomen. Although he falters for a moment, he quickly pulls out and rubs at your clit, causing a smaller stream to leak out of you.

His night has become a hundred times better. His eyes widen in wonder as his brain creates new ways to have you and make you do it again. "This is going to be fun."

When you wake up in the morning, you don't remember what happened, but you know something did. It's in the way your cunt aches and how thick cum runs down your leg when you get up.

Brief, blurry memories surface as you shower. Truly, you didn't care. If anything, you're upset you missed out on the fun and can't remember the pleasure. Ultimately, you trust Coriolanus and that he won't hurt you.

You feel well-rested as you dress and make breakfast for the two of you. There is an undeniable ache in your cunt, but that's always welcomed. Your problems from yesterday are only a quiet hum in a dark corner of your brain.

"My love," you softly call out to Coriolanus, touching his naked shoulder.

"Good morning," he says with his eyes closed, although there is an undeniable grin on his lips. All the stress he felt yesterday has dissipated, leaving a pleasant feeling in his chest.

"Good morning to you, too," you giggle as you lean down to catch his lips in a kiss. There is a tangy taste attached to them that you recognize well. "Had a good night, did you?"

"I certainly did. Do you remember anything?" He asks, sitting up on the bed. The falling bedsheets reveal his toned chest and stomach. Gently, you grab the tray with food and place it on his lap.

"Barely," you scoff, "It's a shame." You technically haven't had sex with Coriolanus in two long weeks. His stunt from last night did nothing to satiate you or your mind that keeps picturing him in all sorts of compromising positions.

Coriolanus hums as he takes a bite of toast. You know him well enough to know he's amused that you don't remember and that he's hiding something.

"What is it?" You prod, brushing a strand of pale blonde hair away from his eyes.

"Nothing," he says with a shrug. He's making you work for it. Coryo loves his games, after all.

"Coryo," you speak his name with a warning.

He takes his time, sipping on the glass placed on the tray. "I just…I didn't know you could squirt," he reveals cheekily, stabbing his fork on a piece of fruit.

"What? That's because I don't," you say, taken aback.

A crease forms between your eyebrows. You and Coryo are not ashamed to talk about sex. It took you by surprise at first because he always presents himself so elegantly and no-nonsense. Behind the scenes, though, when he's with you, he's open to discussing everything he wishes to try and his likes and dislikes.

You, in return, have been the same. Admitting that you've never been able to squirt and might never be able to. It's been a topic of conversation numerous times, seeing as it's something Coryo has always been curious about.

"Yes, you do. Last night, you squirted all over my cock and my fingers and my tongue," he boasts with a smirk as he remembers all the times he made you cum after that.

"I did?"

"You were such a good girl for me, darling," Coriolanus responds, putting the tray of food to the side and cupping your face, "All you had to do was relax."

"Hard to do when you're edging me for hours," you roll your eyes at him. Edging you is just one of the fun ways he tortures you.

"Don't be a spoilsport," he frowns, gripping your face harder before planting another kiss on your lips.

"It's not fair. I can't remember anything," you softly murmur. It's a real damn shame you won't remember the first time you squirt or the face Coryo made at the realization.

"Poor thing. I can show you how to do it again. I practiced last night a couple of times," he whispers in your ear, kissing down to your pulse point, "But I can't right now, or I'll be late."

"Huh?" You dumbly respond, enthralled by his words, imagining all the pleasure he'll give you.

"Thanks for breakfast," Coriolanus says, standing from the bed and heading into the bathroom butt-naked.

You watch after him lustfully and angrily, forced to continue your morning as if nothing happened.

In less than an hour, Coriolanus is ready to return to Dr. Gaul's laboratory. He has to check for any progress in his experiment before heading to the university for his classes.

He sits you on the bed before he leaves, though, to show you something 'important.' "I'll see you tonight," he says, kissing the crown of your head and turning on the TV.

The screen shows you lying on your back, whining helplessly as Coryo slips two fingers into your cunt rapidly. The rings on his fingers and the palm of his hand glisten with your sticky juices.

He did not lie about your new ability as you watch your hole leak clear liquid. The Coryo on the screen, who had been encouraging you with lewd words, eagerly attaches his mouth to catch it all. When he pulls back, his chin is dripping with your release.

Watching yourself in that fucked out state and Coryo behaving so obscenely gets your silk panties wet. Glancing at the clock, you note you have 30 minutes till you have to be at the door.

In no time, you're spread out on the bed with your hand under your university skirt, panties pushed to the side fucking two fingers into your cunt. Your eyes are focused entirely on the screen, rewatching the clip.

thanks for reading! i hope you liked it!

part two for coryo making her squirt while she's actually conscious?

[sant-riley]

[Task force 141 × Gen Z! Reader/ General headcanons] [p4]

A/N; I thought the hyperfixation was over but surprise it is not LMAO, sorry for the long wait, mentally I was fucked and just tired/burnt out

Ghost is the one who usually trains the recruits, which means he needs to demonstrate moves on. That's where you come in. You can see the recruits tension filled bodies stare at your own bc what the fuck you do mean this 6'4 man is gonna use a finishing move on you.

You crack jokes that Ghost would never hurt a fly before you're flipped on your ass and Ghost is leaning his entire weight on you.

They use you as weights, mainly Soap. It is not an odd occurrence for recruits on base to see you sit on Soaps back while he does push-ups. You usually will be scrolling on your phone on tiktok and Laswell just sighs and takes a picture of yall to show to her wife.

Ghost uses you as a barbell basically and you enjoy being manhandled so you're just happy to be there.

Soap likes to play fight, he will playfully hit your sides and will tickle you while you run around desperately trying to evade his grasps. The only time he stops really is when either Price steps in or when Ghost fucking clothe lines him and he falls on his face. Soap sees you giggling behind Ghosts body and rolls his eyes.

All the guys have you on social media, even Ghost though he notably has no pfp, a generic user, only follows you. He is the first one to like any of your posts and makes appearances on your account and no one knows it's him for sure.

Soap takes your phone and scrolls thru your folder of memes, sending whichever ones he particular enjoys to himself. He really likes reaction images and uses them with everyone and people just ignore it and continue on texting like he didn't just send a picture of a woman crying.

You like to send ghost references you're sure he will not understand and he feels his blood pressure rise every day.

When they learn if you can't, you know, drive for the first time is also a real good time. Ghost is in the back, a bullet in his forearm, Price shouting at you to floor it and by God you fucking floor it so hard Ghost slams his head into the wall of the car and passes out. Price screams that you should've been fucking taught this in training but you shrug your shoulders, knuckles whitened as you shakily haul ass to evac.

It's a running joke that Alejandro and Rudy want you on their team, they playfully try and make negotiations

"Come on, she would be happier with us, no?"

Alejandro has a hand placed on the small of your back, inching you closer to his side in the booth of some random bar yall were dragged too. You're blushing and sputtering bc oh wow two more very attractive men are asking to take you an-

"I agree with Colonel, we can work something out." Then Rudy goes and kisses your hand and Ghost feels his eye twitch and Soap is stanced the fuck up immediately, leaning over and almost pulling across the table.

"Yea no, you two can fuck off with that shit." He grumbles, squeezing his arms around your waist. If he was a dog his hackles would be raised and his teeth bared.

Rudy can't help but lean in and whisper to Alejandro:

"Realmente deberías dejar de bromear con ellos así" (you should really stop joking with them like that)

Alejandro turns and looks dead into Rudy's eyes and hits him with

"¿Quién dijo que estaba bromeando?" (Who said I was joking?)

"Colonel, with all due respect stop fucking with my men, they're gonna pop a bloody blood vessel."

Gaz and you go to cat cafes fairly often!! He finds it extremely relaxing and he often goes whenever he goes on leave with you. No he doesn't correct the batista who thinks yall are married. He says it's because of a discount (there is none).

Price simply loves when you come visit and spend time with him in the city, walking arm and arm while he hums and listens to you ramble. Whether it be about your hyperfixations, you venting or ranting, he's there listening while watching you intently.

Price walks with you inwards of the sidewalk, do not try and move bc he will glare at you.

Valeria, oh she likes you, one bc you're a cute little thing. But mostly because she knows it'll get under everyone's skin if she even makes a mention of taking you. It especially pisses Alejandro off so she makes sure she calls you princess and blows you a kiss when they close the container door on her.

Ghost likes to come up behind you and pulls on the elastics of your holsters really far and let's them slap against your skin to see you whine and whimper. It never fails to make him laugh.

Ghost will not hesitate to beat the shit out of someone who tries to do it to you though, esp a random recruit.

Soap likes to carry you around on his back, it isn't a strange thing but he just genuinely loves the feeling of you against him. He doesn't care if you think you're 'too big', he's gonna pick you up so be quiet and let him hold you.

You've stolen multiple things of their items, not even on purpose but they left it in your room and now it's yours.

You have a skull balaclava, Ghost once came in and said it was too small for him and threw it on your bed and left. He will feel his heart tighten in his chest if you wear it outside of base.

You have a shit ton of Soap's muscle shirts, he is not upset but he will smile so soft when he sees you walk around in it in the early morning, your hair a mess and still a bit of drool on your lips.

Gaz buys you your own hats in attempt for you to stop taking his. It doesn't help. He flicks the brim and always has some cheeky remark about it but he doesn't mind.

You have one of Prices' lighters that you stim with on or off mission. He doesn't even realize until one day you have a lighter with the England flag on it and you're playing with it bc you're anxious. He doesn't say anything though.

Taglist:

@devilsfoodcake22 @simon-rileys-princess

@stupid-ninja @milkmily

@lune-la-chanson @tamayakii

@teacupcollector @sweet-as-an-angel

@perilous-pasta @ihatethisappsomuchitpains

@marsbar127xx @baddump

@xncasi @king-cookiex

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@hailstrum18 @pretty-little-bunny382728 @mzfandom @solarslushee @areislol

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[grandlinedreams]

Your blog is the highlight of my day, I'm really impressed <3

Could you maybe write something more about what happened after that oneshot where the reader wants to stay up with law but falls asleep while doing it and then law laying in bed with them?

I love the slow burn that is happening there

Aah, thank-you!! I do my best and I'm just glad my hyperfixation has an audience that enjoys it ehe 💖 but absolutely!! I hope that this is to your liking!! I also couldn't help myself w adding the 'it's rotten work' 'not to me. Not if it's you'

[In reference to this]

[Heads up!: mutual pining, some angst, hurt/comfort]

There are three reasons you know that you're not in your own bed when you wake up. One, you're warmer than you ever are, blanket usually kicked off of you in some way or another. The second that there are no sounds of the bunkhouse ㅡ no soft snores or sleepy murmurs, the creak of someone moving in their sleep. And the third?

That Law is asleep right next to you.

It takes a minute to register, your cheeks warming. You'd fallen asleep despite trying your best not to, you know that much ㅡ and that for whatever reason, Law had seen fit to simply let you sleep in his bed.

It's inappropriate, you know. A severe breach of what should be between captain and crewmate ㅡ but staring at him, all you can think of is what could be.

You let yourself admire him for a little longer before you turn your attention to getting up, knowing that your other crewmates will be moving around soon and the last thing you need is them assuming things if you wait too long to come out of Law's room.

You're not sure how you manage to get free without disturbing Law but you do, glancing towards the mugs you'd brought in with you and move to collect them.

"Thanks for the tea last night." Law's voice makes you jolt, barely avoiding dropping one of the mugs as you turn to find him sitting up and watching you.

"Oh," you say, "right, no problem." Curse your wretched heart for doing gymnastics at how cute he is, hair sleep-mussed and expression drowsy. It sharpens, however, as his gaze flicks over you and then to the door.

"About this," he begins, "we won't be making a habit of this. It's for the best if this never happens again."

Your heart sinks. You know that it's for the best, that the idea of entertaining anything but is only going to hurt ㅡ and hurt it does, twisting a proverbial knife into your chest.

There's the rising want to cry, one that you shove down as deep as you can, shoving down your feelings.

"Yes," you say, now heading for the door with the tray and things in hand. "You're absolutely right. It's for the best."

ㅡ

You take to avoiding him. You make it an art ㅡ not so much so as to make it obvious that it's him that you're avoiding in particular, but enough to make it plausible as to why you're never around him.

And it's driving Law crazy. The Polar Tang is only so big, there are only so many places you can duck into before he notices, so many people you can so conveniently manage to be deep in conversation with when he passes, indifferent to his presence ㅡ but you still manage it.

It's frustrating, too. He knows that he hurt you with what he said, a proverbial slap to the face of your kindness, your efforts to put him at ease. He also isn't dumb, he's noticed your lingering looks, the previous excuses to be around him.

Were he someone else, he'd let you know that he reciprocates your feelings. Even as he is, he knows he does ㅡ but he can't act on it. He won't drag you down with him when it all inevitably blows up in his face, won't force you to suffer the same fate as him. You deserve more, and you deserve better.

But your behavior still hurts. The things that you do are made the clearer in the absence them, and he misses them. He misses you.

There's only so much that Law can take of this new routine that you've slipped into ㅡ which is why he comes up with a plan.

ㅡ

Avoiding Law is getting exhausting. Quite literally, as you've gotten into the routine of waiting until almost everyone has retired for the night, him included. It's childish yes, but you're determined to do it until your feelings for him ebb enough that you can go back to the way you were ㅡ as unlikely as that is.

Stifling a yawn, you trudge towards the bunkhouse, intent on getting as good of sleep as you can, only to have a hand curl around your upper arm and yank you away before you can react. You're dragged into a different room and when the door shuts, you wheel on your pseudo-kidnapper.

"What is your problem?"

Unbothered by your tone, Law simply stares at you, expression unreadable. "I need to talk to you."

You frown. "So talk to me like a normal person, not kidnap me."

"I didn't kidnap you," Law counters, "and it's hard to talk to someone when they're avoiding you."

You want to lie and say that you haven't been, but the look Law gives you makes you quiet before you realizes where you are.

His room. Again.

"Look. I realize that how I said things the other day wasn't the best way to put it." Law rubs his neck, trying to find the best way to articulate his words.

Figuring that it'll be easier to sever whatever you have with him all together now rather than continue to suffer, you look up and speak with a steadiness that surprises you. "I love you."

Law's eyes snap to yours, elation and dread clashing. "You can't." Before you can protest, he continues. "Not only am I your captain, but we're pirates. We don't have time for things like this, and I don't have time to entertain how you think you feelㅡ"

"How I think I feel?" Your tone is calm. "Last time I checked, I'm the one who should know best how I feel, Law." He opens his mouth, and you hold a hand up to silence him. "I'm not going to deign the rest of that with a response, because we both know that's bullshit." You pause. "Well, besides the part about you being my captain. You are, and I love you. I'm not expecting you to love me back."

A muscle in his jaw jumps. "You shouldn't."

"I know."

He steps towards you, reaching to tug you to him. "That's dangerous."

You press into him. "I know that too. We're pirates, remember? Danger is our middle name."

His arms wind around you, hand cradling the back of your head. "It's rotten work," he whispers, thinking of Corazon and his parents, his sister. "Loving me."

"Not to me," comes your response, muffled into his chest, the steady thump that your own echoes. You pretend not to notice that it's beating as hard as yours is. "Not if it's you."

Law feels something in him crack, splintering into glittering spiderweb fissures. "You're staying here tonight," he says, feels the shudder of your laughter against him.

"Is that an order, captain?"

"Yes."

ㅡ

Blankets over you both, Law still allows himself to reach for you, let your legs tangle with his, lose the dark tattoos of his knuckles in your hair. "Say it again."

You don't need to ask what he means, kissing the front of his shoulder. "I love you."

His lips brush the top of your head. "Again."

"I love you."

He kisses your forehead. "Again."

"I love you."

By the time Law kisses you properly, he thinks you'll get tired of saying it, because he can't say it back. Not yet. But the way you kiss him back says that you do, and that you don't mind.

You're patient, and you can wait.

[notsohappynotsosad]

Emperor, Stelmane and Gargauth

Sorry I haven't been posting, I got hyperfixated on this theory. Drawings will resume from now

If you’ve completed the game, there’s a chance you know of the reveal that Emperor’s previous associate, Duke Stelmane, has been in fact his thrall. Upon further inspection you may gain some seemingly contradicting information and lots of questions with no answers. This post will be long, but I promise that at the end, most of these questions will be answered. Also, there are pictures.

TLDR: Emperor and Stelmane used to be besties before he enthralled her, but they couldn't defeat Gargauth with their power of friendship.

So, for the uninitiated, what are these questions?

Firstly, when the party enters Rivington and Dream Visitor is revealed to be the Emperor, he will tell us about his life, including that he was partners with Stelmane, though he doesn’t say anything about the thrall bit of course. At this point neither he nor the party knows the Duke is dead. As far as the Emperor is concerned, what he shared might greatly compromise him and he never shares such information when he simply could’ve concealed it.

If you poke around, other questions may arise, such as why was Stelmane’s condition improving after the Emperor's visits? Why was she asking for him? Why was she excitedly talking about him at the Tavern? Why did they hug? Why was she at Elfsong, where he could find her the most easily? Why did she drink wine, which he used to force her to do? Why didn’t she warn anyone about him? Why was she looking through people before the stroke? Why would the Emperor mind control her? Why does he keep her portrait next to his desk? Is he stupid?

Now that I have you hooked (probably), let's introduce our cast.

Emperor – The one and only, our favorite topic for daily arguments. Sluttiest waist in game.

Duke Belynne Stelmane – Gods’ most perfect princess. We all agree to fuck the Emperor for what he did to her (some of us literally). She used to be a member of the Council of Four[1] as well as leader of Baldur’s Gate branch of Knights of the Shield[2]. Had ties to Hhune patriar family, possibly even related. Low levels of waist sluttiness.

Gargauth – better known as the Hidden Lord, a powerful pit fiend imprisoned in the Shield of the Hidden Lord. His portfolio includes betrayal, cruelty, political corruption and power brokers[3]. The Shield has been kept underneath Baldur’s Gate for over a century, spreading corruption in the city due to his presence alone. Such is his influence, that on the condition he’s taken away from the city, the crime rate might drastically drop[1]. He is known to have been communicating through the Shield with a past leader of the Knights, providing him with valuable information and helping the order grow in power while trying to gain worship[3]. Only some of the Hhune family and the highest rank members of the Knights knew about his existence, though in the present day no one is aware of his infernal identity[2]. Gargauth will try to steer his current owner towards acts of cruelty and domination in hopes of condemning their soul to the Nine Hells[1]. In the “Descent into Avernus” ttrpg one of the baddies wants to use the Shield to drag Baldur’s Gate into Avernus in the same fashion it happened for Elturel, but a party of adventurers takes it away before this evil plan is realized[1]. No information on waist sluttiness due to being imprisoned in a shield.

Now that I established myself as a squid fucker and Stelmane as a leader of a devil-worshipping organization, I know what you’re thinking – I’m gonna say that the Emperor had to enthrall this evil cult leader to save the city. Haha, no. Keep reading. Here, have a meme so I don’t lose your attention.

I must begin by clearing some misconceptions. It’s easy to assume that because of the Stelmane scene, all the Emperor told us about her up to that point was a lie. It wasn’t. They had a functional relationship before the mind control took place. (If you already know this, feel free to skip to the next meme.) There are two notes in the game pointing us to that conclusion: a journal found in Hhune mausoleum commonly attributed to Stelmane and a transcribed conversation heard in Elfsong tavern.

This existence of a past relationship also explains the portrait of Stelmane that the Emperor keeps next to his desk and one of his dialogue options when the PC hugs him in act 2.

Later, in act 3, he also has some lines painting a vague picture of the relationship’s nature.

So she was beginning to trust him before he caused the stroke. This makes things so much more messed up.

There’s still one written document, which doesn’t make sense, namely Patient Log:

This is clearly written after the Emperor took mental possession of her and caused a stroke. Why then does he help her and why does she keep asking for him?

Have you ever gone into the Hhune mausoleum and saw this note?

After giving up on solving the puzzle and looking it up online have you wondered who is “HE”?

It’s Gargauth, the Hidden Lord.

In “Descent into Avernus” module the party may encounter an NPC who is a member of the Knights; she is kept by Vanathampur family as a leverage in case it transpires that Vanathampurs stole the Shield of the Hidden Lord from the Hhune crypt [1] – the very same mausoleum present in game. And it just so happens that the key to this very mausoleum is in the Elfsong Tavern’s Knights of the Shield headquarters, where Stelmane and the Emperor had their rooms.

That’s not all. When you solve the Hhune mausoleum puzzle, a secret wall will open, revealing a small room full of the Knights’ symbols. If the Shield hasn’t been stolen, the Hidden Lord would be revealed too, just like the note says.

And what is that on the table? It’s Stelmane’s journal I was referring to earlier.

Stelmane had access to the Shield. And if she did, the Emperor had too.

(Kudos, if you already know where I’m going with this.) Here’s my proposed order of events.

Stelmane and the Emperor meet. At the time she isn’t yet a Duke nor the leader of the Knights. Like any normal person she’s terrified at first, but unlike any normal person she’s willing to collaborate for the sake of the Knights and her own ambition.

Due to having an illithid ally she quickly climbs ranks of the Knights. She grows to trust him and vice-versa. Things are as good as they can be for a determined politician working her way up in a corrupt organization and a renegade illithid helping with this task.

They finally advance to the seats of power. Stelmane becomes a Duke and leader of the Knights of the Shield. Perhaps thanks to this position or due to Emperor prying into minds of the members, they become aware of the Shield of the Hidden Lord kept in Hhune mausoleum.

They begin speaking with the Shield. Neither of them knows the true identity of the entity within it and the Hidden Lord does everything to keep it that way. His information and advice is always good, so turning to it for guidance becomes a habit.

Gargauth being Gargauth makes every effort to corrupt them; it’s not particularly hard. Keep in mind they’re not good people to begin with. She’s someone willing to collaborate with a mind flayer for the sake of taking over an evil organization and he’s one DC 20 persuasion check away from enslaving the city. The devil causes their worst traits to flare up and pitties them against each other.

This results in a power struggle which culminates in the Emperor dominating Stelmane and causing her seizure.

The Shield gets stolen and soon after taken away from the city.

Without Gargauth’s direct influence they (especially the Emperor) realize the fuckup, but the damage has been done.

They recognize the fiend’s influence in this transgression. Emperor starts treating Stelmane, maybe they try to make their relationship how it once was, though it might not be possible.

Emperor gets taken by Gortash and soon after is sent on the Astral Prism heist. Events of Baldur’s Gate 3 happen.

That’s all! Have a meme!

Here’s an extra bit for the interested.

The see-through people gaze is most likely caused by Gargauth’s influence. And before that Wyll says:

Sounds familiar? And from one letter in the game we can learn that Stelmane has a mansion in the Upper City, where the patriar families such as Hhunes reside[2]. Could she be related to Thione-Hhune?

Huge thanks for reading it all! What do you think? Did Larian originally plan to have this side-story of an aftermath of Gargauth’s corruption?

Sources in order of referencing (sorry, I don’t have a better system)

[1] “Descent into Avernus”: p.162, p.174, p.225, p.5, p.40

[2] “Murder in Baldur’s Gate”: p.36, p.51, p.39

[3] “Lords of Darkness”: p.151 (all the info)

[yawnderu]

Nobody talks about how complex is price as a character...

He's more than dad vibes...

He was a l.t, he had someone to look after him. Then he wasn't anymore. So the responsibilities, the stress and the weight on his shoulders. Everything changed for him.

His fucking always peaceful collected personality... For most of the time. Nobody understands how much he had to work for it, for him to be like this.

I really think that he is more difficult to understand or simply to read from the team.

He would be the most able to trick a person. You know you see his smile and think, I'm safe but then you're not (the enemies obviously).

I really like your character's analysis I hope one day to see a post for him

Ahhh yes!! :((( Sadly the hyperfixation for Price hasn't hit, but if it does, I can make a more extensive character analysis on him, like I've done with Ghost and König. 💗

I think John Price is an extremely interesting and cool character, always willing to go against orders to protect those under him and the things he believes in. He can be a nice man, but I think a lot of people forget just how lethal Price can be.

The man has connections everywhere, actively works with an arms dealer, CIA agents, and special forces from many different countries and continents, who are willing to do risky things for him.

Not to mention just how far he's actually willing to go, seen in the ending of MW3, when he killed Shepherd. This man was not only getting revenge for Soap, but also for the entire 141 and the rest of the fallen soldiers, leaving no loose ends.

Price is living proof that you need to beware of old men in a profession where men die young.

[bitchliteraria1906]

I'm so sorry for spam posting about Lokius. It will happen again.

Anyways, I wanna talk about how the fell first x fell harder thing works with them, in my personal opinion.

Let's get it out of the way: Mobius fell first, Loki fell harder. I think most of the fandom agrees with this.

Mobius studied Loki's life. He's seen all the bad and even downright unforgivable things Loki is capable of.

But he's also seen Loki interacting with his family and the people of Asgard, how he never seemed to fit in, how there always seemed to exist an emotional wall between him and pretty much everyone that wasn't Frigga. He's seen vulnerable moments other people in Loki's life can only dream of knowing about.

As I said, something Mobius definitely noticed is the big emotional wall that exists between Loki and other people.

So the first thing he does when he gets a chance to talk to Loki is try to break down said wall, and he does that by pressing him with questions and pushing all the buttons possible.

"Do you enjoy hurting people? Do you enjoy killing?"

"I'll kill you."

"What, like you did your mother?"

It's a cruel tactic, and considering Mobius’s personality it's safe to assume he didn’t enjoy doing that, but it's what you're expected to do with prisioners at the TVA, and in this case, it works. Loki opens up, and it makes things easier.

I've seen a lot of people joke about how Mobius studying Loki is basically him having either a hyperfixation or being a fanboy with a little celebrity crush, and... yeah? That's pretty much it?

I mean, come on. Even though it was necessary to understand Loki to work with him, you can’t tell me Mobius wasn't genuinely interested in him too. Even in season one, when things were far from perfect and there was still trust to be built, he seems to think of Loki as fascinating/endearing sometimes, and did nice things for him without expecting anything in return, like giving him the daggers, complimenting him, just overall speaking softly whenever they're talking. He wouldn't do that if he didn’t see Loki as more than a variant he was being forced to work with.

All of this, paired with his reaction to the possibility of Loki having a thing for Sylvie, paints Mobius as the person who fell/noticed his feelings first for me. I personally think he pushed these feelings aside due to a "It would never work" train of thought, even before Sylvie.

As for Loki, while he obviously didn't trust Mobius at first, once they started spending more time together, he seemed to start feeling safe and comfortable around him to a degree that he had not felt with anyone else in a long time. He sleeps peacefully around Mobius, allows himself to be playful, and seems to genuinely appreciate the nice things I mentioned Mobius did for him.

But he's also a very traumatized person who hasn't felt genuinely connected to anyone in a while, so he obviously has no idea what to do with this, and the high stakes he's dealing with obviously don't help. He doesn't have time to sit down and process how he truly feels about this random analyst that just came into his life and flipped it upside down. And even if he had the time, would he even manage to accept he was falling for someone? We're talking about Loki here.

This is where the biggest difference between their situations shines for me: Mobius had a long, boring time to think of Loki before even meeting him in person, and even when they did meet, he was dealing with less shit than Loki. He had time to think about Loki, come to a conclusion about his feelings, and make the conscious choice to not act on them/push them aside.

Loki was thrown on the TVA shortly after the events of Avengers, watched a tape of his entire life play before his very eyes, had to learn everything about the TVA and timelines and then met Sylvie and the other variants. It's not that he didn’t reciprocate, he simply didn’t have time to process his feelings.

Personally, I can see him having a moment of realization at the end of season one, when he realized how desperate he was for Mobius's comfort after being kicked through the door by Sylvie, and when the horror of Mobius not recognizing him set in.

And that's what I mean when I say he "fell harder": it's not that he loves Mobius more, it's that Mobius developed and accepted his feelings slowly, while Loki's feelings hit him like a train at the worst time possible.

[partywithoutsmiling]

Alright darling (can i call you that?) the Rock Beast AU just became my new ✨️hyperfixation✨️ so prepare! Please tell us how does John reacts to his bitty B becoming a Monster

Once he actually finds out who the great Beast is, not very well obviously XD

But if that AU would be a fic, it would be at least couple chapters down the line. My idea for Poppy's and Branch's escape is that while at first they crossed quite a distance through air, soon they were forced to travel by foot, as Branch's wing becomes injured and trying to take flight again would be foolish.

A blessing in disguise it turns out, as the Rock Trolls under Barb's command do not think to stop and search the ground, not that close to their territory, and our duo hides out of sight in the undegrowth, just to see their Angler Ships pass overhead, clearly heading towards the Pop territory

(the thought for this AU being that Barb is convinced that Pop poses exactly the same amount of threat as it did in the ancient past, where they were the most numerous, and seeing the pitiful number of Pop trolls rounded up, figures there must be more Pop villages hidden deep inside the woods that make their territory- so it would make sense to her to think Poppy and Branch went to get more back up- which is correct in a way, as Branch's intention was to fly them all the way to Bergentown, as having giants for allies would become handy in this case)

Meeting John Dory was a complete accident. Headcanoning that he had bad business with the Rock Trolls in the past, he probably decided to skeddadle into the wilderness once he saw the activity in the sky, not wanting to deal with that business- and I liked the idea that the Neverglades were actually a sort of natural border between Pop and Rock, a contested piece of land for both. Usually quite content to sleep out and about, either under stars or in Rhonda, the storm and all the chaos happening around him has him relocate to well known and explored caves- in which he finds Poppy and Branch, who sort of unanimously decide to keep their travelling to the night time, where it gives them less chance to be spotted.

Neither group is thrilled to be discovered by the other, at first- John Dory simply on the principle that lone trolls seems to be bounty hunters more often than not (and this one has a literal monster by her side!) and Poppy... well, for the exact same reason really XD she had been burned by her trust in a stranger- one that led her into this mess she is in- and the source of her major guilt is standing right behind her.

However, compared to JD, she is injured; an unexpected dip in the lake left her feeling sickly, and she is starving- and Branch is hardly doing any better. So it all ends up in a rather tense stand off, where Branch is the only one spiralling, because holy shit that's his brother

And he wants to wail and he wants to sink his claws into JD's face and tear that smug ass grin off his face- and it's the shock of that thought that has him to do neither of those things, and instead forces him to evaluate the situation a bit better.

Because for all JD's abandonment, he is a Pop Troll- and that means a potential ally- and so it is with a gentle nuzzle that he sooths Poppy's unvoiced fears and worries, and encourages her to ask JD for help

The introductions come, of course- but Poppy doesnt mention that Branch is a troll-turned-beast, and while JD's expression turns rather strained at hearing Branch's name, there is nothing that would clue him in that Branch is *his* Branch (His precious baby brother, who he thinks is dead for several years, and being an expert at avoidance of painful truths, there is no way he is sharing that with a complete stranger)

So as far he knows, Poppy's "pet" just has a rather unfortunate name, and Branch's colours are again rather washed out.

Branch just doesnt want to deal with the mess that is his familial trauma and is quite relieved JD doesnt have a clue to his original identity

(of course Poppy, desperate to socialize after being locked up with no-one but mute Branch for company, ends up bonding with JD rather quickly- especially after he treats her wounds and offers her a safe shelter- and finding his collection of memorabilia snowballs into discovering his identity as THE John Dory- and Branch's connection to it all, when John Dory, unable to resist the force that is Poppy, eventually talks about all his brothers- including Bitty B)

Also, this isn't connected to that scene, but even then I think you would enjoy this little treat:

----------------------

Branch was injured.

That much Poppy could observe, from the simple way he was carrying himself.

The rush of their escape didn’t seem to want to pass; the pink troll felt like every breath came out with accompanied tremble, and her heart was keen on making itself as loud as possible- it drummed hard in her ears and pulsed in tandem with the ache that throbbed mutely through her sore arm.

The sudden dive and crash into the murky depths of the lake jostled it- but at the time, her mind was hardly crystal clear enough to focus on anything but uncoordinated flailing as she panicked from the shock of the chilling water, trying to instinctively kick herself up to get to the surface. A great deal of her attention had also been overtaken by fear; for her life, yes, but also for Branch, as she had seen him seize up in one blink and then start falling out of the sky in another, his grip on her- previously strong and secure- now limp and weak, a puppet losing all motion as if its strings were suddenly cut.

Yet it was him who dragged her out of the lake in the end, his great head going under her belly and chest and lifting her high above the surface, leaving her clutching onto his mane with painful grip, gasping and sputtering, a sob roughly tearing through her throat before she could stop it. The sudden relief of air filling her lungs once more was not enough to mask the sudden pain that laced through her right arm, and Poppy had sobbed once more, clenching her eyes shut, burying her face into the soggy mess of Branch’s hair.

Low rumbling moan echoed from the beast under her, the strength of it- for all that it was quiet- reaching all the way to her core- but she was unable to do anything but breathe, the action shallow and painful, as her arm throbbed throbbed throbbed.

Vaguely, she felt the chilling water lapping at her legs, and her ears twitched at the sound of soft splashes- the body under her rocking forward, Branch’s breath just as shallow as hers, but clearly now moving, swimming, towards what she hoped was dry land.

The sky crackled, a thunder left in the wake of it, and she shivered when a first drop splashed against her back, bringing a shock of ice to her already drenched body. Another moan and Branch lurched forward, his swimming now gaining urgency- even in this shape, he was well aware of the danger that rain possessed for species as small as theirs, especially when it caught them on a lake. The prickle of unease was what had her force herself to lift her herself up, her good arm gripping Branch’s mane more firmly while held the other more securely to her chest.

Already the drops were breaking the surface apart, the water splashing up and sending waves that clearly impeded her friend’s progress; one that seemed to be made difficult simply for the fact that Branch had extra set of limbs that were hardly made for swimming- with one wing flapping or paddling awkwardly to help propel forward, while her other followed at much slower pace. It was the trembles and shakes that seemed to run through the appendage that caused Poppy’s heart to plummet to the depths of her stomach.

“Branch..?”

He voice was a pathetically weak and wobbly thing- there has been a shock, followed by euphoria, when her companion suddenly ripped through the bars dividing their cells like knife through butter. His cell had been a dark and dreary place, cut away from any natural light- hers had a large barred window that showed nothing but the menacing glow of the volcano, its fiery tones casting orange hues into the grim, cloudy looking sky. She had often caught him watching through the gaps of his cell, great glowing red eyes focused intently on the singular glimpse of freedom, and many times wondered if his sudden critter like instincts urged him to take flight. He did many things in the time they had nothing but each other for company, that could hardly hint that his interest could have other reasons. He prowled around, as much as his chains allowed him, and quite often his wings would flap. His claws would flex and his limbs would stretch- and Poppy had thought it a simple restlessness of a trapped animal, frustrated at the lack of necessary space.

She had thought. She didn’t expect it to be a slow exploration and familiarization of foreign limbs and muscles- not until she had been scooped up like kittenbug, and not until they were hurling face first through the window, Branch simply tucking his head closer to his body and tearing through it like a single-troll battering ram.

“Branch,” she whispered again, the sound trailing into a low moan, not unlike his own- but he didn’t respond, not even with a growl- not until she let go of his mane so she could gingerly touch the trembling wing.

The limb flinched and Branch went stiff under her for a moment, soft warning hiss audible even through the loudness of the storm- and though he didn’t stop his swimming, Poppy withdrew her hand as if burned, realizing that now perhaps wasn’t the best time to find out where his hurts were coming from.

“I’m sorry,” her apology was quick and strained ,“I’m sorry, Branch, I’m sorry-“ and the water was now blurring her vision, and perhaps it was her tears and not the rain, and perhaps her ill timed touch was not what she was apologizing for.

But Branch suddenly made a soft chuff, and his head twisted to peer back at her, the lamp like glow of his red eyes more comforting than one would expect. But Poppy hardly felt unnerved by the sight of them- not when she couldn’t feel any drop of malice, and the pink troll heaved a shuddering breath, bowing forward so she could reach and gently rub one of the Beast’s long ears. The appendage flicked, and his eyes blinked slowly, another chuff falling from his lips, before he turned to face forward again, his swimming seemingly becoming more determined.

Poppy swallowed and closed her eyes, her exhale a tad less shaky than before.

They will be okay. They have to be.

[enduringmoth]

thoughts on marvin's abuse, care's existence and paul's transness

taking a break from my usual bg3 posting to talk a little bit about my newer hyperfixation through the lens of queer allegory

necessary author's note: i am an afab transmasculine nonbinary person. obviously, while i do believe my transness does lend my opinion authenticity, at the same time, being trans myself does not mean i can't be transphobic -- so if any of the contents of this post set off alarm bells, please tell me.

trigger & content warnings: child abuse, kidnapping, torture, general petscop badness. obvious spoilers for petscop in its entirety, as well as references to the recent youtube deepdive by nexpo.

TL;DR -- perpetuating the idea that someone can force someone else to be a different gender than they are is harmful to trans people. however, all things involve considerable nuance. to pretend that marvin's actions could not have influenced paul's sense of self in the slightest discredits paul's lived experiences, and i believe a more trauma-informed dialogue about paul could be worth exploring as a community.

my preferred theory explaining petscop is that marvin tried to make care more like lina through abuse and "failed". after this, care would eventually end up in lina's home, and transition to paul.

(simply to make all of this less confusing, i'm going to call paul pretransition "care", though i will avoid pronouns. this is not me trying to invalidate paul, it's just so i don't have to keep saying "paul before he transitioned" or similar phrases.)

it is not a result of marvin's "failure" that care transitioned to paul. but i do believe there is a link between paul's perceptions of self and the trauma he endured pretransition -- and discussing these things gives us a deeper understanding of paul and his history.

obviously there is no "canon" answer to petscop. but im seeing this theory discussed a lot within the tags, and i personally agree with it -- i just feel some of those who are saying we cannot consider marvin's actions are not necessarily accurate, either.

what i am positing is that while marvin certainly did not make paul trans and i would never claim that he did, we understand that marvin's abuse of care -- his cruelty towards care, his warping of care's perception of appearance and self-worth -- is certainly a factor in how paul must see himself.

marvin's treatment of care was poor enough that paul struggles to recall that time of his life. he thinks they are different people -- and in a way, they certainly are (and i've seen DID theories for them which i also enjoy because of this) -- and has clearly repressed what it meant to be marvin's child.

marvin locked care in a basement for six months. that is no small amount of time, and it likely had no small amount of affect on paul. we can assume based on the implications of some school scenes that marvin was trying to convince care to be more like lina during this time. care escaped, and returned home -- though eventually, we know from belle's dialogue that paul would find his way to lina.

"do you remember the day you were born?"

paul's "birth" occurred after marvin's abuse, and though it was not a result of it, there is something almost poetic about following the thread of paul's life from care to his authentic self that plays as a foil to the heinous rebirthing practiced by marvin and rainer.

contrasted with what happened to belle (and seemingly others), paul chose (a form of) rebirth -- transition. marvin tried to make lina be reborn through care. instead, care resisted -- and he would eventually become paul, and that strikes me as so narratively compelling. it's not to spite marvin and please don't think i'm saying that, as care was naturally always paul -- it is simply self-discovery at its most raw and beautiful, and i love it.

the above is why i love petscop as a queer allegory. taking ownership of one's future and selfhood, even when others are trying to tell you who to be.

and that's why i think saying marvin made his afab child transition in rejection of martin's quest for lina -- or that marvin tried to make his amab child transition to care/lina, as nexpo posited -- is so wrong, and harmful.

yet, paul's trauma is real. it happened. and it's a part of him that should be able to be discussed for what it is.

as someone with extensive trauma history, i can tell you that my gender expression and personal identity are in some way connected to pieces of trauma, because those pieces are part of me. i am not trans because of my trauma, but my gender and my trauma are parts of me at the same time -- i am not each of my pieces, but a sum of my whole.

the point i'm trying to make here is that while i think nexpo genuinely missed the mark here with this whole "care never existed, marvin tried to make paul a girl" thing, i do think there needs to be room for a trauma-informed discussion around paul.

i hope that all made sense. if any of this is harmful/transphobic, please let me know. i genuinely love this game and i think it's so fascinating to discuss. /gen

[aftg-rot]

Andrew Minyard and Obsession ~

I have been having some thoughts about Andrew and his unhealthily intense protective nature over Kevin, and then Neil. His compulsive desire to be the keepers of Aaron and Nicky can be characterised - not entirely, but mostly - by the hyperfixation on finding family after being in the foster system for so long, but the possessiveness to the point of obsession with Kevin, and ultimately with Neil, is different. As Neil says when he was assigned to look after Kevin while Andrew was away, it is possible to do so without becoming his shadow. Neil was realistically achieving the same goals as Andrew, without being with Kevin 24/7.

Because Andrew himself does not seem to have any hobbies, creative outlets or interests that are notable, I like the idea that the intensity in which he follows Kevin and Neil around is his way out of his version of the mundane. Their intense dedication towards many things is enough to break his apathy towards everything. It could be a coincidence that for both Kevin and Neil, and in turn Andrew, it is Exy. In another time and space, it could have been two different things for the two boys. Possibly, in reality Kevin and Neil are right and there is no way that Andrew can be that good at something without having some form of fascination with the sport he "does not care about." But the main factor is that both of them WANT something. They have a deep and contagious passion, they have an underlying drive for their feelings and actions, something Andrew does not have. 

Andrew, whether it is a lingering result of the medication, a trauma response, or simply who he is as a person, feels he cannot connect on any level with anyone else. The only connection he has with Aaron and Nicky is their family relationship, and shared history, but aside from that there is no emotional bond or healthy attachment. Andrew has latched onto Kevin and Neil's want and drive because it was a nice reprieve from the indifference, or a subtle lesson in what wanting and needing feels like. 

Falling for Neil and "wanting" him was probably the first developed emotional connection that Andrew had felt in a long time, with only Kevin's obsessive drive for Exy being a suitable substitute. Andrew's insulting of Neil every time he shows his true single mindedness towards Exy is very rarely said with malice, because deep down, Andrew either appreciates Neil's skill to remain driven during times of trauma, or is envious of both Neil and Kevin's ability to have such a force in their lives that makes it worth something.

It is mentioned that Neil offers Andrew his obsession to hold Andrew over until he finds one of his own, but I really think that is what happens. But not just his obsession with Exy, but both Kevin and Neil's ability to persevere and connect with other people, in both positive and negative ways despite what has happened to them. Andrew's codependent way of interacting with specific people is his way of attempting to fit in with the world around him emotionally, and co-opting his closest relationships' interests and obsessions is a method of connecting in an interpersonal way.

[stars-n-spice]

So, this is it, huh?

I figured the least I could do was write something down before shit goes down because I know after tomorrow I don't think I'll be emotionally available to do or say much about the show and what it and the fanbase means to me.

The last few days, my mind has been a whirlwind of emotions and I don't think I've ever really suspended my disbelief since it was announced that this would be the last season.

I felt like Po honestly, in Kung Fu Panda 2, when he's like "But I just got Kung Fu!" when they're talking about Lord Shen making that weapon that straight-up kills people who practice Kung Fu (I'm going somewhere with this just bear with me-) because I'm fairly new to the animated shows of Star Wars fandom and didn't start hyperfixating on Bad Batch until midway through Season 2 while those episodes were still releasing.

So when they announced that the 3rd season was the final season I was devastated. "What do you mean no more Bad Batch? I just got Bad Batch!" - I didn't want to believe it.

But here we are. Final season. Final episode.

I can't describe how the obsession started. It just did.

When the first season was coming out, I was still on Season 6 of TCW, so I got into it a little late. Then when it was over I immediately jumped into watching Rebels and became utterly obsessed with that show while Bad Batch just stayed, "Oh, neat show I watched."

Then the second season came out. I don't know how or when or why but suddenly something just went off in my brain and I became obsessed. I became attached. I fell in love with Wrecker in a way that I've never once felt or experienced towards any other fictional character, or person for that matter. I grew to understand Crosshair on a deeper level that made my heart ache for him and made me reflect on my own past and choices. Echo became a comfort character and an anchor in my life in where he's the first thing I think of when I'm down to put myself in a better mood. Suddenly I was ready to give Omega the universe and everything good in it. Tech became a lifelife (ironically) a hope that despite how I am and who I am, I'm capable of loving and being loved. And recently I've become so incredibly attached to Hunter because as the oldest child of five as well, I know that crushing weight of responsibility. Of failing your siblings. Of trying to be better.

This squad. This family. Cheesy as it is, I can't describe what they mean to me but Force, I'll try.

Recently I've been wondering why I'm so attached to this show and these characters. Jokingly, part of it is yes, the Bad Batch are lovely to look at and that does play a role in why I enjoy watching the show so much, but that's not completely it.

I think I speak for a lot of us fans when I say that I didn't fit in as a kid. I still don't even as an 'adult.' Look, I'm a biracial guy from two VERY different cultures that don't feel like home to me. On top of that, half of the time I don't know how to identify myself in gender and sexuality because I don't feel either most of the time. I'm introverted. I have anxiety. I probably have autism. I'm a burnt-out former gifted kid. I quite simply don't fit in.

"No, I'll stay. You guys don't fit in here either."

That? Yeah.

This show is for all those kids. Everyone who never fit in. Everyone who was told they were strange or weird, for the kids who ate glue in the back of the classroom, who were told they were too loud, who were put down because they didn't express emotion a certain way, for the kids who sat alone at lunch, who got left behind in their friend groups, for the kids who felt like they had no one so turned to harmful things, for the kids who were told they were special only to be discarded later in life, for the kids who don't know their place, don't know where they fit in and if they even do or ever will.

It's a show that tells those kids you're more than that. You're worth it. You're worth loving. You're worth protecting. You're worth the second chance. You're worth being loyal to. You're worth teaching. You're worth forgiving. You're worth it. You're worth it. You're worth it.

In the end there's hope for us. There's hope for all of us. And I think that's why I cling to tightly to this show. Why it means so much to me. Why I so desperately need these characters to make it out alive.

It's what Star Wars was from the start. About hope. About family. About loving and being loved and learning to love despite your circumstances. It's a show that took a bunch of neurodivergent absolute daddies and packed in so much angst but also feel-good moments with stunning animation, beautiful, moving music, and phenomenal voice acting. It's a show I can't help but love and love immensely because it feels like it was written for me.

For that kid who spent their recesses with their nose buried in an animal encyclopedia or talking to imaginary characters from their favorite books. For that kid who always felt so utterly useless and hopeless whenever they got less than an A- for a grade because they were supposed to be the gifted one. For the kid who struggled so much to be the older sibling they never asked to be. For the kid who just wants to find someone, anyone, who will love them as they are and fight for them. For the kid who valued loyalty above all else, always has, always will, and never gets it in return. For the kid who never fit in.

And well, whatever happens in the finale, I'm so grateful, so blessed, and so honored to have been a part of this journey with all of you.

[coniangray]

No bc what was the point of this?

ik the lab reached out to him cus they figured he knows the kids and therefore lead them (and probably their target: el) back to them.

But that doesnt quite add up to the timeline, does it...

I think there was another reason they reached out to him. They were probably planning this for a while now, even before s1 started, and tought clarke was the perfect link to the kids and eleven, but why?

Clarke might be connected to vecna and there is proof.

Either hes one of his followers or simply another puppet or a coverup pawn. I havent really thought this through but i do believe hes heavily involved also thanks to @liebstie (bubble) on twitter who gave me food for thought.

The suspicion began when he first saw el, and his reactions were extremely similar to billys in s3 after seeing her for the first time

hell even their expressions are similar

something something they both looked like they recognized el.

Another scene that kinda bugs me about his arc is this:

Look at his expressions, hes definetely hiding something, He knows theres a gate, and he knows how to get there thats why he didnt tell them the entire truth.

These were also foreshadowing the uds effect in the mest seasons, the "swallow us whole" part covering season 5.

BONUS:

HE KNOWS. He knows abt the lab definetly and he also knows about vecna. hes iffy, i can tell but like i cant yet tell if hes under vecnas control or working with him. Now we havent seen him interacting with brenner at all, which leads me to think this:

What if something happened to force him into a connection with vecna, one different than wills or billys, that actually led the lab lady reach out to him and keep an eye on him?? We know she was sent by brenner, and the whole newsletter thing was bs to coverup why exacly they needed him, Clarke is suspicious at all times, as if hes tiptoeing onto what information hes allowed to share about the gates and the upside down.

My theory is that clarke is somehow paraleling both snape and slughorn from harry potter, as vecna paralels tom riddle/ voldermort. He could have helped him in the past since he was presumably always hyperfixating on science, and maybe they had to exchange services of some sort, i havent seen the play so idk if he was involved at all.

Plus this scene where he told them about finneas' injury is also most likely heavily involved in his arc

And then the camera pans from focusing to will, and then max.. which foreshadowed her injury in st4.

[soleilonthesun]

In this first edition of the exclusive magazine for CF GIRLFRIEND, you will find answers and get to know the members of the football club better. Made with all the love, the CF GIRLFRIEND is a cult, I mean, impressive community. As I am a reporter, thank you for making a place for me in your beautiful community. This is a gift for you. I couldn't collect all the answers, but I tried to do so. I hope you enjoy reading as I edited and wrote it, my dear reader.

@sharkissm

Q: Which Blue Lock character do you like? Are there several? Or is it one? And why?

A: otoya, karasu and kurona have my heart, BUT MY BBG THE LOVE OF MY LIFE OTOYA WINS OVER ANYTHING AND ANYONE!!!!!!

Q:  What do you think will happen in the Blue Lock manga after Kaiser's past? 

A: I think that or he will lose his vocal cords bcs damn that boy's screaming for his life, or noa will take him out and put kyoura in his place, but I hope he stays just so maybe he can score a goal!!!!

Q: What does Blue Lock mean to you? Since when did you start being a fan of anime? 

A: bluelock is my hyperfixation. I FEEL LIKE ONE OF THESE FOOTBALL OBSESSED MEN WHEN I WHATCH OR READ IT, IT'S BIZARRE!!!! And I started watching anime when I was really really young, like, maybe 6 or 7 max, POKÉMON AND GLITTER FORCE DOKI DOKI ARE FIRE BRO!!!!

Q: What is your favorite color or colors? 

A: black. I also like deep blue and wine but bcs most of my outfits/anything I buy is black, I'll go with it!!

Q: What does CF GIRLFRIEND mean to you?  

A: gf fc is like a big big BIG group of friends that really understand me and my hyperfixations and support my deluluness just like I support theirs!!! I LOVE GF FC!!!

Q: How much do you like my interviews?

A: I LOVE THEM!!!!!! Idk why you started making them BUT IT'S ADDICTING!!!! My favorite one is the one with bachira and karasu!!! (Surprisingly, it isn't the one with otoya bcs after that he slept on the couch 🫶) THEY ARE SO FUN AND I ALWAYS LOSE TRACK OF TIME WHEN I READ THEM!!!! You are simply the best, soleil!!!!

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@luvingshidou

Q: Which Blue Lock character do you like? Are there several? Or is it one? And why? 

A: SHIDOUUUU I LOVE MY CRAZY CRAZY HUSBAND INSANELY MUCH 🫶🫶🫶

Q: What do you think will happen in the Blue Lock manga after Kaiser's past? 

A: Personally I think kaiser gonna do some crazy ass goal and cook or he gonna get subbed out and kiyora might play

Q: What does Blue Lock mean to you? Since when did you start being a fan of anime? 

A: I LOVE BLLK ITS MY HAIKYUU PHASE BUT CRANKED UP TO 100. I started my bllk phase like the middle of last year but I watched the anime and saw all the edits from 2022. I started  watching anime when i was rlly young I LOVED POKEMON & MY NEIGHBOUR TOTORO

Q: What is your favorite color or colors? 

A: PINKKK I LIVE FOR PINK SO MUCHVGVVHHH

Q. What does CF GIRLFRIEND mean to you?  

A:  I love the gang fr💗💗💗🤧🤧🤧

Q: How much do you like my interviews?

A: I LOVE UR INTERVIEWS SO MUCHHGG HONESTLY

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@Kurona-the-shark

Q: Which Blue Lock character do you like? Are there several? Or is it one? And why? 

A: hiori because hes just hiori. kurona ranze because i find him cute and helpfull. tokimitsu hes me when i get nervous bachira because hes goofy

Q: What do you think will happen in the Blue Lock manga after Kaiser's past? 

A: i have no idea

Q: What does Blue Lock mean to you? Since when did you start being a fan of anime? 

A: after watching isagi edit 💀

Q: What is your favorite color or colors? 

A: hot pink but i mostly wear baggy jeans and weathers irl

Q. What does CF GIRLFRIEND mean to you?  

A:  i find it nice communtiy (cult jk) were we can talk about bllk and wat if we were in bllk as team

Q: How much do you like my interviews?

A:  as much as i love bllk fluff fanfics and thats love of human 2 hearts

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@refrigeratedboombursts 

Q: Which Blue Lock character do you like? Are there several? Or is it one? And why? 

A: I like pretty much everyone, but my favourites are Bachira and Ness! They're the skrunkles of all time!!!

Q: What do you think will happen in the Blue Lock manga after Kaiser's past? 

A: I think chaos will ensue and Kaiser will eventually have his redemption arc.

Q: What does Blue Lock mean to you? Since when did you start being a fan of anime? 

A: Blue Lock is not the type of media I'd usually be into, I'm not a fan of sports and I'm not that big on animanga, either. But I somehow got into it and now I’m in too deep /lh /pos

Q: What is your favorite color or colors? 

A: My favourite colours are purple and pink!

Q: What does CF GIRLFRIEND mean to you?  

Fc Girlfriend means everything to me, and I'm honoured to be a part of it.

Q: How much do you like my interviews?

A: I Love your interviews, Soleil. They're the highlight of my askbox and I look forward to hanging out with you more!!! :)

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@hooudie212

Q: Which Blue Lock character do you like? Are there several? Or is it one? And why? 

A: My favorite characters in bllk are a lot, but the best ones are Reo (because he's so handsome ghgjg), Ness( I love him my wizard boy) and Isagi! (My sweet boy!)

Q: What do you think will happen in the Blue Lock manga after Kaiser's past? 

A: I honestly think Kaiser will try to score a goal but he will fail miserably and be subbed in the next chapter

Q: What does Blue Lock mean to you? Since when did you start being a fan of anime? 

A: Blue lock is my top favorite rn (it's my haikyuu phase all over again). I started being a fan when the anime came out

Q: What is your favorite color or colors? 

A: GREEN AND PURPLE!

Q: What does CF GIRLFRIEND mean to you?  

A:  FC girlfriend is my team and they're my friends 💪🏻💪🏻😼

Q: How much do you like my interviews?A: VERY MUCH! THEY MAKE ME LAUGH

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@someprettyname

Q: Which Blue Lock character do you like? Are there several? Or is it one? And why? 

A: So. Blue lock is a special story for me, its the only story I've been able to TRULY appreciate and relate to after a very long time! I find something relatable and appreciable in EVERY charachter. Be it Isagi rising to the top from rock bottom. Or reo fighting for his own identity. Or nagi, because I'm going through the gifted kid burnout syndrome rn. Lol. 😂😭 Or chigiri being out of touch from his powers and his journey of re discovery. Or Bachira with the whole being lonely, but cheery and optimistic despite all that he's gone through. Or Hiori"s story about being pressured under expectation. Or Ness"s unwavering trust in existence of magic! 

They're all so inspirational and dear to me but if I had to chose top 3:

>>>Rin - because damn. His story with his brother and my personal dynamics with my brother is DANGEROUSLY similar. So he just hits close to heart. 

>>>Michael - I highly respect his resilience! I aspire to have that too! 

>>>Reo - his fight for his own personal identity and following what he wants, it's all personally inspiring to me!

Q: What do you think will happen in the Blue Lock manga after Kaiser's past? 

A: Honestly, nobody knows. We can only speculate. but I have a feeling he wont be benched, or even if he is it'd only last as long as star exchange system and then he WILL have a comeback.

Q: What does Blue Lock mean to you? Since when did you start being a fan of anime? 

A: So, as I said it's very close to me because I see my own reflection in the charachters in some way or the other. I've been in the academic competitive world since I was like 13. So you can understand why it hits home for me. In short, its very dear and precious to me. Also, there's my love Michael so <33333333. Overall? I started watching anime when I was what? 14? I think? My first anime was death note (of course). If it's about blue lock, I only saw it last month haha!

Q: What is your favorite color or colors? 

A: Yellow because it stands for hope! If I have to chose others, I'd say glaucous because its soothing. And viridian (totally not due to raverin reasons ha!)

Q. What does CF GIRLFRIEND mean to you?  

A: It's like a family to me! I enjoy interacting with yall so much!! Many of you are such sweethearts 🤧🤧🤧 I absolutely LOVE our smol little cult A LOT!! ❤❤❤

Q: How much do you like my interviews?

A: ABSOLUTELY!!! IT ADDS SO MUCH MORE FLAIR TO OUR CLUB AND ITS ALWAYS SO MUCH FUN TO READ!! Keep up the amazing work, we all love and appreciate you 💪❤🔥🗣

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@jujutsustraycats 

Q: Which Blue Lock character do you like? Are there several? Or is it one? And why? 

A: I have several favorites, to be honest. Top three being Rin, Kaiser and Karasu. Rin because his character is... surprisingly realistic to me. Kaiser's well written (even before the leaks, I've liked him). Karasu– I don't think I need to explain. He's my favorite favorite.

Q: What do you think will happen in the Blue Lock manga after Kaiser's past? 

A: I'm not really sure about this, to be honest? But I really, really wish Kaiser would make a comeback with a successful shot. Though, like everyone's saying, he might get subbed out.

Q: What does Blue Lock mean to you? Since when did you start being a fan of anime? 

A: Blue Lock honestly perfectly shows reality. I mean, think about it. Soccer's supposed to be a team sport, but that's the first thing they unlearn while trying to be a successful striker. It honestly feels like a direct parallel to the world where everyone benefits from acting in their own interests and allying themself with some (and make genuine connections, just like in Blue Lock, so in ways people help others). I think I started watching anime about 2-3 years ago.

Q: What is your favorite color or colors? 

A: That one color between purple and blue (indigo??). Also, maroon and black.

Q: What does CF GIRLFRIEND mean to you?  

A: I'm still new to this, so I won't say much, but I've genuinely liked it so far. CF Girlfriend feels like a safe space for Blue Lock ramblings, to be honest. As for the games– we genuinely enjoy that!

Q: How much do you like my interviews?

A: YOUR INTERVIEWS ARE THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN ON BLLK TUMBLR :D

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@merlucide

Q: Which Blue Lock character do you like? Are there several? Or is it one? And why?

A: THATS HARD I LITERALLY LIKE THEM ALL💀 (except Otoya and Sae) but my top 4 are Shidou, Rin, Sendou, and Kurona

Q: What do you think will happen in the Blue Lock manga after Kaiser's past?

A: I don’t even know man 😭 a part says he will pull it together, the other part says this is his downfall.

Q: What does Blue Lock mean to you? Since when did you start being a fan of anime?

A: I’m so obsessed with this tbh 💀 about like a year ago-ish?

Q: What is your favorite color or colors?

A: Pink and Blue!! (I mainly wear black lmao)

Q: What does CF GIRLFRIEND mean to you?

A: also am very obsessed with this silly FC/cult. Like I’m going to be devastated when it dies :(

Q: How much do you like my interviews?

A: SO MUCH LMAO- THEY ARE SO FUNNY. My fav one is probably the itoshi bros talking about frozen

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@kurominote08

Q: Which Blue Lock character do you like? Are there several? Or is it one? And why?

A: I like a lot of the characters but my favs are rin and chigiri since i relate to them a lot :) i feel like personality wise im similar to chigiri with his goals/motives but i relate to rin a lot too because of the way we both process things/how i react to in person interactions.. playstyles too!!

2. What do you think will happen in the Blue Lock manga after Kaiser's past?

A: I hope he overcomes his burdens and uses it as motivations to push through!!!

3. What does Blue Lock mean to you? Since when did you start being a fan of anime?

A: I started watching blue lock pretty late but I enjoyed it since I've been playing soccer in a club for a while now, it means a interest to go to whenever im bored and a motivator to improve in the sport myself (lol isagi is so inspirational sometimes ,, i don't wanna be lukewarm either so i'm working hard!!)

4. What is your favorite color or colors?

A: i like purple...like a lot.. also pinks though!! i like cute color palates(did i spell that right?)  in stuff for my room or accessories but I really only wear black haha..

5. What does CF GIRLFRIEND mean to you?

A: a fun community that shares interests and feelings together!! it's still kind of surreal that i get to be considered a member of fc girlfriend as i felt like a lurker for the longest time ,, ty for letting me join this lovely c̶u̶l̶t̶ i mean community!

6. How much do you like my interviews?

A: love them so much!! it's always a big mood booster whenever ANY of your posts show up on my feed and even better when i get to read about little interactions you came up with :)) your creativity and efforts are valued heavily by my loser self <333

╰───────────✧──────────────╮

Here ends the first edition of the magazine. It has been a pleasure speaking with everyone in this beautiful community <3. But, don't worry, there will be more magazines in the future! Where you will answer other questions. Thank you for all the love you are giving me, I am happy to belong to this cult, ahem, I say community. Because if it were a cult, we could bring our favorite characters to life. With all the love, Soleil, Your reporter never seen before.

[darlingpwease]

I have a head cannon for the au where we transmigrate in Shen yuans world.

Since Shen Yuan is obsessed with our reactions I believe he would show us the things in his world in order to get our reactions. Like phones, ice cream or anything of that nature.

awww,,,, SHEN YUAN would definitely do something like that,,,,, he is obsessive even when he is the one who gets into your world, but the system and ooc keep him there (although even so he is looking for any ways to get even more of your emotions and reactions), but when you find yourself in his world, in a place that is his playground?

he is a wealthy golden youth who does not need to do anything but do the minimum to live well, since he will never be forced to fight for his life and survival — but this is what takes away any sense of life from him, since SHEN YUAN simply has nothing to do, he cannot find anything that could give the impulse of his life. trapped in own small world, emotions in which he gets from things like novels, SHEN YUAN finds himself in involuntary isolation from which he cannot get out because he continues to hide in the sink not only because of 'fear', but 'laziness', 'insecurity', 'ignoring' — the outside world is cold and cruel, his favorite character is soft and warm, and he's simp enough to feel happy with his hyperfixation spousefu and a bunch of novels.

but when you appear in his life literally by magic? SHEN YUAN cannot deny that it should be a sign, even if he is not the type who believes in omens, higher beings and the like — when you first appear in his room and then live quietly with him, trying to figure out where you are, looking with interest at even ordinary things like sockets or improved things like a modern teapot, like a pet that was brought out for the first time, although even an ordinary apartment is enough for you — SHEN YUAN wants to hold you close and pat you on the head, praising you for how well you are doing while you are just learning the concept of an electric stove or trying to understand how a computer works.

of course, you still need enough time to understand the absence of any evil spirits and cultivators in this world as an important part of society, especially when it turns out that your own strength has only slightly decreased, but you are trying to get used to a new life, living carefree with a strange but adorable mortal guy whose house is full of toys similar to you (even if he 'hid' them) or things that should bother you, but the microwave interests you much more, even if his unblinking, enthusiastic gaze does not leave you, obviously analyzing and comparing something — but you're okay with that, because then SHEN YUAN brings you ice cream, and it's not like it was in your world at all! And even when you try to convince him that it should be expensive after he, seeing your positive enthusiastic reaction for the first time, brings with him a bunch of ice cream in a strange package, and he assures you that no, it's 'cheap', and almost anyone can afford it?

You... you are so embarrassed and awkward.

Is this ice cream being created in their world in some other way, or is it just that people have become so rich? Is this some kind of alternative world where people can create ice cream at any time?... What do you mean they can really create ice cream at any time??

And why does their refrigerator look like this? They don't even need ice??... Some people use a refrigerator to create ice???... You are so confused, eating 'cold noodles' while SHEN YUAN enthusiastically looks at your sincere reactions, absorbing every bit of how you twitch, tilt your head, blink, squint, smile, shudder, — or sit in front of the washing machine, watching the machine wash clothes itself, or get acquainted with the dishwasher.

SHEN YUAN practically leads you everywhere, not taking his eyes off you, absorbing everything you show, studying and analyzing everything you show, inside regularly shouting about how cute and charming you are, especially when you put on his clothes or when you walk by the hand, walking around the mall, and SHEN YUAN tries to look stoically, but he is sure that his face is as red as a tomato while his heart is pounding furiously in his throat, feeling his palms sweat while you are enthusiastically examining everything, comparing it with the market of your time, pretending not to notice his strange behavior, because, well, the people of his time are generally strange, but you need to get used to it somehow, especially considering that you yourself do not know how long you will be here. Maybe you are here forever? Then you need to get used to and adapt, behave naturally... immediately after you understand the concept of automatic fire safety and learn more about automatic systems that recognize when a person takes out an item without payment. Yes. Immediately after that, you will behave naturally.

... Immediately after you find out what it is—

(SHEN YUAN wants so badly to say 'hand in marriage plz' and show you what the ring looks like in his world when you ask curiously if you can help him with any cases, just to have a 'normal' excuse to explore the apartment and more about how to work with all these things, but he just nods, still following you to see your smallest reactions.)

(He gives you a phone not to make you call, but also to see how your eyes shine with delight and amazement how this device works.)

(He doesn't show your novels, however, calling them 'books that can only be studied when you advance into understanding the world deeply enough', so you pretend as if you don't see him so excited and nervous when you silently walk behind him, slightly scaring him, even if you respect him enough not to read the words that 'you don't understand much because of the difference of epochs' or not.)

[cookinguptales]

When I was younger... I think saying that Ratatatouille was a hyperfixation of mine is too strong, but I will say that it's a movie that came out at just the right time for me personally.

I was going through one of the toughest times in my life in that period, and I was just getting to the age where I could understand that the things happening to me were not right. I was coming to question the worldview that I'd been raised with, and I was starting to understand that many things in my life would be better qualified as abuse. That paired with some other things led to me feeling extremely jaded.

And... I think it would've been really easy for me to become irreparably cynical at that age. I was feeling so disillusioned with so much of my life that it was hard to believe in anything anymore. But then Ratatouille came out and I really resonated with the basic message that sometimes love requires courage, and that the simple act of creation (and finding joy from that creation) could be incredibly meaningful. That cynicism is both easy and enjoyable, but that finding joy, finding meaning, can only happen if you make the conscious decision to reject it.

idk. I think I just really, really needed to hear that at that age.

Since I was very young, I'd actually wanted to be a chef when I grew up. I think... by that age, I was realizing that it wasn't going to happen. I was just so, so sick, and I only got my first diagnosis less than a year after the movie came out. So at the time, I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I knew that I was simply too sick to cook -- and that cooking school, for the most part, was not very accessible if you have mobility disabilities.

But... I wanted to cook this one thing. Just this one thing. I remember it took me hours. Like literally hours -- just for the prep work. We were pretty poor back then and I wasn't going to ask my parents to get a specialty product for the kitchen just so I could cook one dish, so I ended up creating it without a mandoline. I cut all the vegetables by hand.

I was exhausted by the time I was done (and did have a moment of "you idiot, you hate both eggplant and bell peppers, why are you making this?") but there was a real sense of accomplishment there. And I did like it a lot more than traditional ratatouille.

(My issues with eggplant are textural, so cutting it thinly and stacking it with zucchini, one of my favorite foods, helped alleviate that for me. lmao)

I never made it again, though, and these days I cook very little. I'm still sick. I always will be. So... there's still a very specific pain that I feel when I watch that film and they say, "Anyone can cook."

But it's also something that I tell myself the few times that I do cook. When I jerry-rig an accessible cook station in my living room. When I discover ways to make things doable, if not easy. Anyone can cook. Maybe not always, maybe not anything, maybe not the way everyone else does it. Certainly not in a professional kitchen.

But... anyone can cook.

And... truthfully speaking, I had a real breakdown a couple years after this movie came out. I learned in the most brutal fashion possible that my body would not be like everyone else's, no matter how hard I pushed it, and during the forced medical leave that followed, I finally came to some very tough realizations about my life and the adults around me who had failed me. Even, y'know, the ones I loved.

I do think having that kernel of hope, though, and that stubborn refusal to entirely give into cynicism, did help me survive the period. I really tried to throw myself into anything that could give me the barest amount of joy back then rather than being entirely pulled under by the uh. Incredible amount of depression I was dealing with.

I'm not gonna say that Ratatouille saved my life; I think that would be a bit too much. But it certainly didn't hurt. I went through this period in my life where I really kept imprinting on unrepentantly hopeful, optimistic characters that truly believed in the best in people, even when it hurt them. And... I think there were some mirrors there in my own life. I so desperately wanted to believe that things could be good. That the people in my life would be good. And it very much did hurt me.

But... I think I needed all that, too. I don't believe that the world is all Disney optimism or anything, but I think that... y'know, what's the point of anything if you give into despair? Living and continuing to live and eking out joy wherever you find it is a very conscious decision, and one that you have to constantly make. You learn to mine through the shit to find just one thing that makes you remember that life can be very beautiful.

Some days that's a fandom. Some days that's a person. Some days that's confit byaldi. idk, man. Sometimes you have to cut through the calluses that life has given you and just experience something with childlike wonder and hope. That's the real message there, I think. That you have to have the courage to allow yourself to feel joy, even in the smallest ways, when things suck.

Love isn't always rewarded, but... you gotta keep letting yourself feel it, right? It really is all there is.