#one of my autism sensory things is I have a really sensitive sense of smell

[loveforskekgra]

I really wish I was one of those people who knew how to make like perfume oils and stuff because I spend a lot of time thinking about what a collection of perfumes themed after each Skeksis and Urru would smell like

[aihoshiino]

yo, ai is really canon autistic??

I'm like 99.999% certain, yeah! At the very least, Ai is canonically neurodivergent – specifically, she has some form of developmental disability (発達障害 hattatsu shougai) which is an umbrella term used in both English and Japanese to refer to neurodivergencies such as autism, ADHD, Tourette Syndrome and various other learning disabilities. In fact, if you google 発達障害, the first result will be a (Japanese) government website defining the term and listing examples and the first one it defines is autism.

This term is used to refer to Ai in both 45510 and in chapter 28 of the manga - I had trouble finding a raw of the original Japanese chapter but Akane can clearly be heard saying hattatsu shougai out loud at the equivalent point in episode 7 of the anime.

For transparency's sake, I don't know that Ai has ever been referred to specifically as autistic (自閉スペクトラム症 jihei spectrum shou) in either the text of the manga or in Word of God material but googling around in Japanese fan spaces had me come across a lot of folks speculating or otherwise pretty certain that she was supposed to be read as being autistic or having ADHD. In addition, hattasu shougai is a very specific term to reach for not once but twice and that combined with the way Ai is characterized has me pretty certain that this is authorial intent on the table.

Akane's big infodump and the information contained in it is pretty telling, imo:

None of these things are unique to autism, obviously, but 'sharp hearing and sense of smell' (alternately translated as sensitive) combined Ai's struggles with matching people's names and faces (a possible indication of faceblindness) and her general struggles with empathy and intuiting other people's feelings feel very deliberate to me.

There's also things like her always dressing in loose/baggy clothing when she's picking her own outfits (possibly indicating some sensory issues) and what Akane says here about her holding her chopsticks 'a little crooked' (that's the fine motor skills issues, babey!).

This is also way more anecdotal and not a slam dunk, but there's also the fact that the Venn Diagram of diagnosed autistic people in my friend circle who like Oshi no Ko and diagnosed autistic people in my friend circle who have pointed at Ai Hoshino and gone "she is Literally Me" is a single circle. I have literally lost count of the amount of times a friend has brought up some hyperspecific aspect of their lived experience as an autistic person and pointed it out in Ai and her behaviour and it's like... at some point you just have to start calling a duck a duck, you know?

[philcoulsonismyhero]

A thing I've been thinking about a lot as I've been obsessively re-listening to the Rivers of London books on a loop and putting colour coded bookmarks into my paperbacks (in short, being Extremely Autistic about the series) is just how interesting it would be to explore what it would be like to be an autistic wizard in that 'verse.

Like, take vestigia. It's a whole extra category of sensory impressions on top of everything else that you're picking up on, and you only get more sensitive to it the longer you train for. Peter wonders at one point if Nightingale isn't just straight up listening to the magic of the city in order to find out about cases, and even if he isn't doing that he's still got to be picking up on a Huge amount of sense impressions from the magic around him. Would an autistic practitioner be even more sensitive to vestigia? Just how much of a sensory overload trigger would it be, given that it's not a true smell/sound/whatever? Do really skilled practitioners like Nightingale ever get overloaded by just how much they can sense? Would an autistic wizard have to train themselves to shut out their sense of vestigia so they didn't get overwhelmed?

And then there's how you learn magic in the first place, which is a lot of repetition, doing the same thing over and over again until you produce an effect, and then continuing to repeat it until the effect becomes consistent. And you build spells by learning more and more formae, memorising them in the process. Which sounds to me like Such an autism-friendly way of learning to do anything, I fucking love repetition and memorising huge amounts of information.

Also, it's pointed out a bunch of times that Nightingale has almost scary levels of focus. In Broken Homes he spends ages watching CCTV footage, and then a full half hour just staring at the dog batteries at Skygarden. And it's pretty obvious that his level of obsessive focus is what's made him such a powerful wizard, since he's willing to put in the hours of practice, so autistic obsessiveness would be useful too.

(Sidenote, but I'm not sure if I actually think Nightingale is a character I'd read as autistic. He's definitely got a bunch of traits in the right direction, like the single-minded focus, the scary levels of concentration, the things he's very particular about and the way he can miss Peter's sarcasm sometimes, but in his case I think it's more just his personality and training and age, plus all the trauma. But I do think it would be a fun possibility/what-if to explore.)

And when it just comes down to it, I don't think I've ever encountered a magic system that appeals more to the specific way that my brain works than the RoL one, it seems like it would be So fun to learn. Even, tbh especially, the Latin and all the other studying that's also involved. So it does rather entertain me that I've gotten really autistic over a book series that has such an autism-friendly magic system, it feels Good and Correct.

Although. Ben Aaronovitch. My guy. Give me a list of all the formae and how they work, I am Begging you. I've never wanted an in-universe textbook tie-in book as much as I do for this series and Eventually I'm going to get my hands on the TTRPG book and obsess over every little detail of how they've interpreted the magic for that.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

*lies down for a nap*

*thinks about The Eighth Sense post by @starsickkk and @lurkingshan*

*jolts violently upright from bed*

"OH MY GOD, EIGHT SENSES"

Okay so most of us are familiar with the five senses, right?

Touch

Sound

Sight

Taste

Smell

But there are three other senses as well, at least according to this website on the sensory processing system, and this one on autism, and this one from the STAR institute, and this website on neurodiversity as well. So what are the other three senses?

6: Vestibular- This is your balance and orientation in space (x)

7: Proprioception- This is your perception of position, location, and movement of your muscles. Essentially your ability to process where your body physically is. (x)

According to Wikipedia (this is a fictional show and as such I will not be spending time looking for the original, actual, scientific journal articles) your body uses information from both proprioception and the vestibular system to understand your body's position and movement. Now the internet has not been specific/completely in agreement about whether vestibular or proprioception is 6 or 7, but multiple sites I've cited on here do list the following as the eighth sense:

8: Interoception- Internal perception. The eighth sense is what allows us to feel if we are hungry or thirsty. But it also said to be tied to how you experience/feel your emotions.

According to these website you can either be hypo-sensitive (meaning low awareness) or hyper-sensitive (meaning high awareness). People with low interoception might not be aware of pain and temperature, might not feel hungry or thirsty, and may have trouble identifying their emotions. People with high interoception may have heightened awareness of their hunger or thirst signals, might experience emotions more strongly, and might feel pain even after an injury has healed.

And it's making me think about this post from @chicademartinica about JaeWon's relationship to food. I don't think these are entirely related but, I don't know I guess I'm just thinking about whether or not there is a reason this show is named The Eighth Sense. Whether or not this show will explain the meaning of The Eighth Sense. Whether or not what we are seeing before us is real or imagined.

And because I sometimes have difficulty pointing things out and then letting it hang open for interpretation and speculation, I started digging into the idea of PTSD playing with interoception. I found this study from Frontiers in Psychology that found "the more childhood trauma participants reported, the more difficult it was for them to perceive their heartbeat after the stressor" where heartbeat was being used to define interoception. And something I do know to have a current evidence basis is that prolonged exposure to stress, particularly in childhood, is associated with greater HPA axis dysregulation (For those of you who don't know, the HPA axis controls stress) that can cause both physical and mental health problems long term.

Prolonged exposure to stress like, say, having to abandon your dreams and your passions to take over the family business?

Prolonged exposure to stress like, say, having an aggressive father?

Prolonged exposure to stress like, say, witnessing the death of your baby brother and being powerless to stop it? Living with the guilt of that for over a decade?

What I really want to know is the name of the medication JaeWon is taking because that can help narrow down the type of mental health problem he is struggling with.

Any way you play it though, I am really just curious if the name of this show is The Eighth Sense because JaeWon is missing his. Because he's numb, because he's not eating, because he's has outbursts of aggression, because he's feeling detached from people who aren't JiHyun (many of these are symptoms of PTSD by the way), because he wants people to like him and he wants to be nice, but you can see him just spend so much of his time folded in on himself. But JiHyun is lighting that spark, JiHyun is getting him back in touch with his emotions. JiHyun is making him feel happy again.

Note: Usually I would want to be more responsible about sharing science like this (ie I would be checking sources for accuracy, trying to find studies or at least looking at the studies these articles may have been inspired by, making sure these studies are published in peer reviewed journals or whatnot. But as I said before, this is a fictional piece of media and so I will not hold it to the height of scientific feasibility because this is what you find on the internet when you google this stuff so if the writers were at all informed by this concept this is probably far more likely what they would have found)

[plusvanity]

Hi, I wanted to tell you the way you describe Pelle's autism and Varg's trauma in your fic is amazing. I started to see a lot of common traits in both of them and this shows how deep their connection goes. This is probably the best story I've read in terms of psychology.

Keep up the good work! 🖤

Oh, man. This is by far the best compliment I've received 😭

I really try my hardest to show how similar are autism and ptsd/cptsd. Both conditions have the same effect on the brain, and they overlap countless times like for example:

-repetitive/ self-soothing behaviours and living in routine. Both Pelle and Varg need that sense of 'safety' that comes with having everything known beforehand. They need certain patterns in everyday life in order to feel self-regulated and to function.

-sensory sensitivity. This is a bit more evident in Pelle's behaviour, tho, but this is the baseline for both of them. Sensory triggers like: the feel, taste, sound, and smell (especially smell) are things that both Varg and Pelle react very strongly to. For one, it's connected to a traumatic event. For the other, it's part of being on the spectrum.

They also have a very hard time returning to emotional regulation after being triggered. It takes days.

-avoidance behaviours. This is self-explanatory.

-intrusive memories and flashbacks. They both have nightmares, difficulties at separating the past from the presence, insomnia, obsessively repetitive thoughts, etc.

- hypervigilance. Both Pelle and Varg have this 'fight of flight' predisposition all the time. We all know who is gonna do what in a dangerous situation lol

It's also very exhausting living always on the edge, but it's not like they have an alternative.

- dissociation. Trauma response for one and autistic overload for the other

-nihilistic view on the world and on themselves. Maltreatment at home and trust issues is the recipe for both Pelle and Varg's general negativity. Depression is also a co-morbidity in both autism and ptsd.

-impulse control difficulties. I don't know who is WORSE from both of them lol

I love psychology so much, I would talk for hours about this subject. Sorry for rambling, I felt the opportunity to maybe make people more 'aware' for the things that are kinda hidden inside the story 😭

I'm so so happy you picked on this!!

Also they're both SO ALIKE AHHJH

[im-no-jedi]

TBB headcanons: Physical and Mental Traits

I was originally gonna break these posts up by character, but it’s more fun just categorizing everything (plus I get to make more posts this way hehe)

anyway! here are some traits I believe each of the boys have:

Hunter

Oldest of the og four (CT 9901) 

All of his senses are heightened, which makes him more sensitive to things (smells, sounds, touch, etc) but he’s REALLY good at hiding it

Occasionally experiences sensory overload, but has several techniques to keep himself calm (stimming with his knife, meditation, isolation, listening to music, conversing with one of his bros or Omega) 

Is autistic, but is good at masking it most of the time 

Very, very rarely experiences panic attacks from overstimulation (happened mostly as a child, has only happened once during the war) 

Has a high level of tolerance for pain, despite his heightened senses (mostly is just good at hiding it though)

Has a scar over his left eyebrow that he got due to accidentally cutting himself with a knife when he was younger (he has perfectionist issues because of this); has other various scars all over his body (main ones being on his left pectoral from getting shot by Cad Bane, and slight burn marks on the palm of his right hand from the Zygerrian whip)

Fairly introverted; he likes his solitude but gets lonely at times and can NOT be away from the squad for too long or he’ll go crazy

Tech

Second oldest of the og four (CT 9902) 

Retains information the first time it’s told/explained to him (the recording thing is literally just a hobby, he doesn’t need it LOL)

Obsessively researches things in his free time 

Basically blind without his goggles; he’s semi colorblind, which is why the lens are tinted

Is very autistic 

Stims with his tools 

Has an average level of tolerance for pain, doesn’t like to make a big deal out of it and straight up ignores it most of the time (“I pretend I do not see it”)

Has a few scars on his hands from tinkering, but are mostly healed (lotion works wonders my dudes)

Completely introverted, please leave him alone thanks

Wrecker

Second youngest of the og four (CT 9903) 

Is constantly hungry because of his size and high metabolism 

Gets muscle aches if he goes too long without being active 

Has ADHD and autism 

Stims via working out or playing with Lula (or any of Omega’s other toys when she’s not playing with them)

Has a low level of tolerance for pain, but tries to act otherwise (and does a terrible job at it LOL)

Got his face scar on their first mission ever, doesn’t regret it and thinks it makes him look cooler 

Has various scars all over his body, as well as stretch marks from growing so big so quickly

Very extroverted, gets lonely easily

Crosshair

Youngest of the og four (CT 9904) 

Gets frequent headaches because of his superior vision (which is why getting the Order 66 headaches didn’t seem out of the ordinary to him) 

Gets sore limbs sometimes, especially his legs, from how long they are 

Is autistic 

Stims by chewing on his toothpicks 

Has an average level of tolerance for pain but is really good at hiding it

Has a few minor scars on his body but mostly stretch marks from growing so tall so quickly

Very introverted, but gets lonely at times (and will NEVER admit it)

Echo

Oldest of the entire group overall

Suffers from “ghost limbs” with his scomp arm and legs sometimes 

Will get eye twitches sometimes from his brain “short-circuiting” 

Makes jokes about his disabilities to cope (“you wouldn’t hurt a disabled man, would you?”) 

Has PTSD, mostly from what happened after the Citadel explosion 

Distracts himself from the Horrors™ by running ship diagnostics and rereading manuals (which he already liked doing, of course)

Has an average level of tolerance for pain and likes to hide it behind his jokes (“tis but a flesh wound!”)

Has some scars all over his body from the Citadel explosion and his implants

Big extrovert, HATES being alone, please don’t leave him alone OMG

[minipisi-is-dumb]

hai, sorry to bother, but what exactly is giftedness? i dont think i trust google on it and id rather hear about it from someone who's gifted. is it like being a genius or something?

hiii thanks for asking about it!!! and sure lemme tell ya

it's a bit lengthy sorry

ill briefly explain the symptoms and then other extra stuff, thanks so much for asking, not a lot of people know about it :)

giftedness is a form of neurodivergent condition/neurodivergency or however you call it, that is characterized by asynchronous development between intelectual and "chronological" growth

an easy way to explain it (even if the theory is disproven so it's just as example) is how people see mental ages

you might be chronologically 15, but intellectually, your needs are those of a 19 y/o and emotionally your regulation is that of a 13 y/o. that's what asynchrony means essentially

the current "official" way to diagnose people is through iq tests, they're not always specific and is usually in a margin of error, but if it's a legit test and not one of those online, is used to measure the amount of connections your brain has. of course the results may vary if you have more than one neurodivergency or you have a mental illness. it's always important to discuss it with your doctor!

the more connections u have per braincell → the faster processing you got. the amount of connections is measured by iq number

the criteria for being diagnosed is simply getting 130 or more in the iq test, there's different types of depth to giftedness as a condition, just like there're different symptoms and levels of depth for autism, but that's the beauty of it isn't it

and contrary to what you might think, fast processing can be very difficult, it feels like your brain goes faster than you all the time you are asked a question, say, in a test, and you just know the answer! that's it, you can't explain it even to yourself. your brain "skips" steps to get to a conclusion since we don't have a linear way of thinking, or you make connections at the moment that somehow end up making sense all the time and you don't even realize it. it's overwhelming

other important symptoms are similar to other nds like autism or adhd like being able to hyperfocus, stimming or sensory sensitivity, but there are some different ones like latent inhibition deficit

latent inhibition deficit (you can google it for better understanding) it's basically not being able to prioritize the information you recieve

have you ever found yourself in a restaurant or a crowded space, and even if there's a lot of talking and music, eventually you "forget about it" and stop paying attention to it since it's not important? That's latent inhibition!!! your brain can filter information, wether is sensory or cognitive and ignore whatever it doesn't see as important

my brain can't, I am always listening to the music, the people talking in the room, small changes in smell, sound or how too many colors confuse me and give me migraine, my brain cannot "filter" importance in it, so it pays attention to everything and sees it all as important since it perceives it as one whole thing

connecting most of the stuff around you or "seeing the big picture" always is very normal, feeling like everything is happening at the same time simultaneously and you can't just pick and choose is the best way I can describe it

we also have overexcitabilities!!! that is a bit long to explain but you can google it

here's a very useful explanation that also mentions giftedness, since the term was created from studying our behavior

here's my favorite talk about the topic, I watched it years after being diagnosed and it explains it very well, the woman giving the talk is gifted herself and works in gifted education programs too!

she also has a talk about overexcitabilities!!

I really like this image because it is a quick way to see some basic symptoms, is not the be all of it but you can get a general idea compared to autism and adhd, since there's more info about them around

Alright we done w that

the BIGGEST misconception about giftedness is that it is just good grades, it's a complex condition just like any other! adhd is not "just getting distracted", autism is not "just being socially awkward" and giftedness is not "just being a genius"

I cannot stress enough how grades have nothing to do with giftedness , in fact, most gifted people end up dropping school or college since it never fits fully fits our educational needs

giftedness and academic achievement are not inherent to one another, you can be neurotypical and have good and bad grades too, it doesn't matter really . it could be a clue for some, where good grades might lead a parent to take the test, but the results are not there just because of grades or high achievement rate

now we need to talk kinda quickly abt ableism and how the concept of iq was originally created to stigmatize non-white races, women and neurodivergent conditions

the first people to coin the term for iq were (shocker) rich white men who liked the idea of being smarter than everyone else

however, the arbitrary measurement used to discriminate towards people on the bases of iq started to change it's perspective

we know NOW that there's a lot more than "just genius" and is a complex condition people like me live without, but the subconscious idea of high iq being something that makes you ""superior "" is still around due to it's origins and lack of common knowledge. the stigma about telling other people you're gifted is huge, people change the way they percieve you, they change the way they treat you, or at best you seem like an egocentric superb who thinks they're better than everyone

it's sorta how being a narcissist is used as an insult or to demonize the actual condition instead of people actually understanding what it is to have npd? kinda that. if you call yourself gifted you're basically doomed to be the egocentric one

and languages outside of english don't make it better.

for Spanish (my native language) even though we have one of the best resources imo for giftedness (the book "¿Demasiado Inteligente para ser feliz?") we also have the term "superdotado" that translated roughly means "super gifted". not doing much for the "we're literally people and not inhumane geniuses" part

but UGHHHH I kinda think that's most of my base info for u, I am SO happy you're interested, I have a little giftedness tag you can look at, and there's also gifted-centered blogs around this site

thanks for reading!!!

[fern717]

i know the person who made the above post had good intentions, but the statement they are making here is a harmful one and i want to talk about why that is.

first of all, “neurodivergent” describes anyone who’s brain develops differently from what is considered the norm. this includes not only autistic people and people with adhd, but people with ocd, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dyspraxia, and other conditions. the things that are being called “superpowers” in the above tweet are typically brought up when discussing specifically autism and adhd. using the term “neurodivergency” here reinforces the idea that autism and adhd is all that neurodivergence is. 

now, onto the part that caused me the most irritation: describing traits shown in autistic people and people with adhd as “superpowers.”

earlier today i was in pain because my mom was putting the plates away and the sounds they were making when they touched each other hurt. i can get so overwhelmed in loud places or around large groups of people that i struggle to speak. when i focus too much on the textures of certain foods, i feel sickish. those things are not superpowers. they are all simply things that i have to deal with because i am more sensitive to sensory inputs because of the way my brain is wired.

my sensitivity to sensory inputs also has benefits. i appreciate comfy blankets and nice smells more because i can feel them with more intensity than others. since my senses are heightened, not only is my discomfort from certain sensory inputs heightened, but my appreciation and enjoyment from others is as well!

my deep focus on my interests (among other social difficulties) led to me being a target for bullying for a large portion of my time at school. people found me annoying because i was so enthusiastic about the things i loved, so they would pretend to want to be my friend or to be interested in the things i liked as a joke to amuse their real friends. it was funny to them because they found the idea of someone actually wanting to talk to or spend time with me to be ridiculous. eventually, i began to agree with them. even now, there are times when i still struggle to understand why anyone would want to spend time engaging with me. my self esteem is incredibly low. eventually i learned to not express enthusiasm about or excitement for things that i liked while at school.

my deep focus on my interests also has benefits. when i get really into a piece of media, i often create characters based around it, which helps foster my creativity. my parents often ask me questions about pokémon when they’re playing pokémon go because i was really into pokémon when i was younger and, as such, know a lot about the characters and rules and am able to help them with the game. if it wasn’t for the intense interest i had in homestuck back in 2019, i wouldn’t have met my best friend of four (going on five) years! my intense interest in certain topics has had some negatives consequences, but it has had many positive ones as well.

it’s irritating and hurtful to see people treat autistic people and people with adhd like we’re going through such tragedy because of the struggles that we face due to the way we function. however, putting us on a pedestal and acting as if we’re so impressive and strong due to the benefits our neurodivergence gives us just puts unfair expectations on us and minimizes the difficulties we face. everyone has strengths and difficulties, but when the person who has them is neurodivergent, it seems that neurotypical people don’t know how to acknowledge them in a manner that isn’t over-the-top in one way or another. that gets really tiring. 

[theorahsart]

hi im really sorry if this comes off the wrong way, but I saw your comic and I wanted to ask a question. thing is the 'gradient' version of the autism spectrum made a lot of sense to me. cause I literally do feel "a little autistic" (again I'm so sorry if this comes off wrong! I don't want to be one of those people who's like everyones a little autistic) I have a little bit of a lot the symptoms but not enough/causes enough issue to actually be autistic/asd. e.g. I struggle with eye contact occasionally - sometimes people look over their shoulder and I realise I've been staring over their shoulder instead of making eye contact - but again only occasionally. I occasionally struggle with sarcasm (I used to struggle A LOT but I've gotten better) but again only really a little more than average - not nearly as much as my family for example (I'm fairly certain my mum has ASD but I don't want to armchair diagnose). I used to be overly sensitive and prone to tantrums but not really any more. I am definitely INCREDIBLY PRONE to stimming. routines - I am very prone to routines, the only way I get things done each day is by having a specific order I do them in and I get uncomfortable when someone breaks that routine - but also my own inability to do things and manage my time causes me to REGULARLY break my own routines. I get overstimulated by lights/noises/smells, more than average but not really that much that its debilitating, and not any more often than my friends or family. the one that finally prompted me to send this ask - I just recently learned that autism affects motor control and I recalled mum saying both her and I have poor spatial awareness which I think relates to motor control.

HOWEVER again even though I kinda have a little bit of everything im definitely not autistic. I speak with a normal tone and I only have very slightly poorer social skills than average. I didn't have any delays in development - started speaking at the right time and all. also all my symptoms are slight and none interfere with daily living.

anyway my point is the "little bit autistic" made a lot of sense to me and I was wondering if you could consolidate what I experience with the points you've made? or maybe what I'm experiencing is just normal, maybe everyone struggles with eye contact, understanding expressions etc. from time to time, in which case im very sorry for wasting your time and downplaying autistic struggles

Hello anon! Thank you for the question- I'm sure lots of people maybe wonder the same thing, so I will answer as best I can (I'm sorry for the long answer, I like giving lots of context)~

So first of all, yes, everyone struggles with all the same things autistic ppl struggle with from time to time. As you say yourself, the only point to really have an autism label is that we need to separate the 'from time to time' from the 'has a significant impact on my life and needs exploring'.

Its messy and complicated and, since by its nature is a social difference, will probably be defined in a different way in the future and was defined in a different way in the past. But yes, ultimately, if it isnt impacting your life enough that you feel the need to explore the label, then maybe you aren't autistic.

HOWEVER

People are as complicated as labels for social differences lol I'm not you and dont know you. People who've had to grow up suppressing themselves in order to fit in, often learn to put up with a base level of discomfort that becomes the norm for them, and they think they're doing just fine and then realise at some point that they're really not fine. Or they think theyve had anxiety their whole lives when in fact they were surpressing sensory issues. Or they've never learned emotional vocabulary and had no compass to guide them in looking at their own feelings, therefore ignoring negative feelings. The human mind is very good at ignoring things and maladapting.

Basically, just because someone says something doesnt impact them, doesnt mean that's neccasarily true. So I dont want to answer your ask with a simple 'if you arent suffering then you're not autistic' cos thats not how human perception and self knowing works.

I'm afraid my very unhelpful official answer is: 'A little autistic' doesnt exist (it really doesnt, autism is too complicated for such a nice simple label as that!) but if you feel that label previously worked for you, then you may want to do some self reflection and think about why you felt you wanted or needed that label. Maybe you should reflect on the reasons behind the autism traits you feel you relate to.

ie. is your occasional lack of eye contact

- due to you fixating on the moments when you dont make eye contact

-due to you feeling naturally inclined to not make eye contact but forcing yourself to do it out of politeness

-due to anxiety/shyness

These answers could all mean you have autism or not autism for different reasons, but when you start to think about the why behind any of these reasons and talk to people about these reasons, it can help you to understand yourself better, which could lead to you deciding you're autistic, or maybe looking into other things such as ADHD, or realising you have some emotional trauma to deal with, or just making pecae with who you are.

But right now, the fact youve sent me a very long message listing various traits suggests you're not entirely at peace with who you are and are looking for answers! I would take that to mean that you *do* struggle in some way, or are at least feeling your experience is not a normal experience. This seems like a good time to start exploring how different you are or are not to others and what that means to you. I know thats a very therapist kinda answer, but I hope its some kind of helpful for you!

[gotenandtrunkz]

Consummate post of Truten scenarios

Bc honestly sometimes it just eats me up inside

- they're hanging out as guy friends and bros but then what they thought they could do as a normal encounter ends up registering a bit differently, e.g. they watch porn together and it gets weird rather than they being confident theough to the end, they kiss for fun and for the sensory input but it ends up feeling like a bit more than that, they take a sensual bath and the line between metairony and genuinity gets crossed, they make out, Goten sticks his tongue in Trunks's ear and Trunks actually likes it, etc etc

- they dont see each other for a while (incidentally, they have a falling out, trunks goes into space in GT, etc) and when they reconnect they are very happy to see each other and the consummate (sorry to use that word twice in the same post) affection has no reason to limit itself to the accepted conventions of platonic intimacy. But this is a Truten post so they fall in love as well

- maybe not romantic maybe not sexual but they develop a sensual relationship. I can see that . That's pretty much what I've been saying. Sensual attraction. Goten does love to bite ppl that's true

- The idea that one of them is Not Straight and has some sort of attraction for the other and it probably goes unrecognized for years. Breaks my heart. Then they fall in love ❤

- "just a little bit" by Kids of 88 but with less sex appeal . Trunks is stressed out from work and Goten in his sensory-seeking ways gets him to take a bath with him and there are bubbles and scents and hes rubbing his shoulders and Trunks doesnt know how he got here in life but also hes not surprised bc Goten has always been this way. Domt know where I was going w this one. Well I can see it feeling a bit like, like Goten's lust for strange encounters is insatiable. Like Trunks has no choice and has never had a choice in the matter. But this is a lifetime truth so hes not feeling indignant or defensive, hes just resigned to this weird back rub with no thoughts or feelings in his head. And it feels almost selfish and scary in that sense, like bonding with someone who needs you rather than who loves you; like Goten just needs to have this sensory bathtub adventure and it has nothing to do with Trunks, and this is going to go on until they die and no satisfaction will be reached for either party. But if Trunks were to express any of this in words then Goten would be like "Trunks what the fuck are you talking about." And honestly yeah that was some weird shit to say tbh. Trunks isnt a sensory seeker in the same way but he does have a certain relationship with the senses (his sense of smell is very particular and sensitive I think for example) (it's the family autism) (Tarble is the same way btw) and having been reared alongside Goten has only made that more true. But Goten doesn't think of it like that and he honestly finds fulfillment in sensory adventures. He loves to be able to do this. And he loves being helpful tbh. Hes glad that Trunks is willing to try to relax and let him do this. Like honestly "dont worry abt nothing" type of relaxation. Align-your-chakras-and-come-back-to-yourself relaxation. The one thing tho is that Goten has put on some "mood music" that is Rob Zombie playing on low. But then they fall in love anyway

- smth abt the back of Goten's neck in GT. His clean hairline. Something abt Trunks coming back from space a changed man and he and Goten catch up and end up at the skatepark after dark like old times and they share a hug. Something abt the gentle scent of Goten's neck, the exposed skin and clean hairline. Smth abt comfort and familiarity and titillation all the same. Something about "Dude did you just sniff my hair." Anyway

- idk smth the pain and frustration of falling in love w someone you're already sick of but having a knot in your chest to contend w anyway really gets to me. It strikes fear in my heart I think

- FROOT OLIVER NELSON MIX. Young love and all that. The majesty of what predates language. The ardent mystery of love and sex and the winds that you cant see but drive you nonetheless. Thoroughly distressing yet inexorable. Your very necessary mind is meant to just accept that it cant understand what it cant put into words. Really gets to me sometimes

- Oh yeah and of course the idea that Trunks is the president of capsule corp and he lets that slag Goten waltz up into his office and sit on all of his furniture

- Goten is NOT a slag but a very caring soul <3

- Trunks is honestly a very chill dude. And Goten doesnt really give a shit about anything. Therefore the objectively correct way to portray Truten is that theres no drama or feeling but they just like start dating or whagever. But this post is for the things that really get to me sometimes so we're not gonna include that stuff

- Goten Shows Off His Gay4Pay Skillz and slonks silly-sloppy on his shit WITH the scallywag swag. And then they fall in love

- the idea that there are some real constrained emotions present. Teen angst and "I hate you so much" by Anarbor. Whatever

- Oh I forgot about the one wjere Trunks has to wear braces for his janked up city-boy teeth and Goten finds it disturbing and irresistible that he has metal in his mouth ("it's not natural....") and he keeps trying to lick his braces and he keeps trying to get Trunks to eat gummy things so that he can clean his braces with his tongue like a fun scavanger hunt. And literally Goten is the one who keeps putting his mouth on his but he keeps reeling back and with genuine fear saying "DUDE STOP TRYING TO KISS ME! IM JUST TRYING TO LICK YOUR BRACES.." and Trunks is literally not doing anything hes just trying to keep his eyes on his video game and hes angry about this. And Goten keeps kissing him anyway. I'm sorry this was suppsoed to be a serious post let me try again. Ok how about Goten is self-assured in this and keeps trying to tempt him with gummy worms and the such and he knows on some level that hes being funny but honestly he doesnt know what this is doing to his buddy Trunks. Like this is the most action thag Trunks has ever had and idk hes saving face but sometimes he plants bags of gummy worms where Goten will see them just to put the idea in his head. And he does this with shameful and desperate fervor. And he plays it so cool and is like "Goten that is SICK I'm not gonna let you do that again.." and he means it and the disgust is real. But on some level he craves the intimacy of having someone lick his braces. It's fucked up

I think that's pretty much it thanks for listening lol... Post originally drafted on 8.31.22

[c0smicfern]

today, i find myself thinking a lot about if it could just be high sensitivity that i'm dealing with. to clarify, i definitely am a highly sensitive person, but i'm wondering whether or not that's a complete answer for everything that i'm dealing with & generally what the actual difference is between having autism or being highly sensitive. here are some things i've been considering:

sensory sensitivities. on one hand, i don't seem to have as severe sensory sensitivities as most autistic people seem to have. on the other, somebody yelling (in general, doesn't even need to be directed at me) or having too many people talking around me can cause a meltdown or a shutdown. but then again, these could just be things triggered by a high sensitivity to emotional stimuli, not necessarily sensory stimuli, which would point to me just being an HSP. i struggle to think of other sensitivities that would even qualify. i have a weak sense of smell & awareness of my own balance & where my body exists in space that is exacerbated by stress, but that's really it?? i also enjoy listening to music & smelling things more than the average person as the former helps me regulate & i enjoy the latter bc i don't normally pick up scents very well. these things could point to autism, but they're not the only factors i have to take into account.

early development. i engaged in imaginative play, made eye contact (i assume bc i forgot to ask my mom when i was asking her about this stuff last week), and woke up when i heard my name called at 9mo. i mean, if that isn't a silver bullet for any chance at me being diagnosed with autism, i don't know what is. i was relatively nonverbal for much of my childhood & especially when i started school, but this could be construed as me just being overly shy. in reality, i generally had no idea how to engage in conversation beyond the things that interested me. can that be explained by HSP? is there room for a relative lack of symptoms in early development where an autism diagnosis would be concerned? i don't know.

communication issues. i don't remember when i started having issues with eye contact or if i always have, but i know that i definitely do now as i generally prefer to avoid looking people directly in the eye too much. i just find it to be kind of stressful & disorienting during conversation. i've always sucked at small talk. i mean, it's boring, and i still struggle to think of what to say if i'm not talking about my interests. i also have somewhat inconsistent difficulties with reading social cues as i trend towards interpreting things negatively if there's any room for ambiguity. gestures can confuse me at times as well. i work in a very diverse area, and we oftentimes have customers come in who speak limited english. sometimes, they'll point to something on the menu, and it'll take a second for it to click what they're trying to communicate. after that, figuring what they're actually pointing at can be a struggle as well. i also don't generally use a lot of body language or gestures because it's not really something i think about. on my end, i experience nonperformative facial expressions normally, even if they can appear flat to other people. social smiling, on the other hand, creeps me out even though i've had to be on the receiving end of it my entire life. i also rarely do it back bc my smile either looks flat or unnatural depending on if i'm trying to smile with my teeth or not. i generally experience these things as a physical inability to replicate what other people are "performing" for lack of a better word, though.

monotropism. my mind does often get stuck on things, and i can spend most of my waking life thinking about them. after i've watched a show/movie & if i really liked one of the characters, i'll continually go on yt just to look up specific scenes or lines of dialogue with that character. is this normal fangirling or autism, though? i genuinely don't know. i feel like i also don't experience what i consider my special interests the same way as most other autistic people do because of my issues with executive functioning. i care about writing & being a writer deeply, and i especially love worldbuilding & sussing out the mechanics/concepts i need to build in order for a setting to function & appear how i want it to. i feel like i only do it a few times a week, though, just because i find it incredibly difficult to start tasks or see things through to completion. not exactly the stereotypical vision of autism.

so what have i learned? what is the most accurate theory of mind for me to hold about myself? i can't say. in some ways, i relate to the autistic experience deeply. in other ways, i don't seem to fully meet the diagnostic criteria. could it be inattentive adhd (formerly add) & being an hsp? could it be generalized anxiety & being an hsp? or is it really autism & i don't know, depression? i may not know or learn until i finish the diagnostic process. or i may never know, and that scares me on a level that i can't express.

[minibagel7]

hihiihhuiiiii hello I’ve been wondering if I’m autistic since mid august and I wake up solely to consume knowledge about autism and I think that in itself is a sign because I believe this is a hyperfixation and I looooove psychology sm I’d consider it a special interest. I’m just rambling sorry- onto the list!!! 🤭

• SPECIAL INTERESTS: I absolutely have special interests specifically in psychology, ANY form of art (drawing, painting, movies, music, ETC.), nature, animals, and colors I guess?? That’s a new one but they’ve always fascinated me.

• sensory issues: ah yes, throwing a fit and crying because my church dress was too itchy. “It’s made of cotton???” I DONT CARE MOTHER, THE STITCHES ARE P A I N F U L. Strong smells and tastes/textures immediately overwhelm me, like head aches, gagging, flappy hands, body wiggle, sometimes crying. I seem to hear things that other people don’t ahahahhahahaha- I literally hate that blazing ball in the sky that we call the sun 👹 some days it’s burning my eye balls the next it’s not bright enough idk it’s weird

• echoing: I’m literally a human mocking bird. If you said something a certain way or someone on TV did then I am going to repeat it. It’s an uncontrollable action 💀

• stimming: I can and will break into song at any given moment, mostly physically but mentally if I have to (like in class). I will shake my leg, rock back & forth, chew the inside of my cheeks, flap my hands, aggressively wiggle my body, kick, compliment people or things if I feel like it. Bouncing and spinning too <33

• hyperfixations: I’ve had like a billion of these and they vary with how long they last. Could be hours, days, weeks, months, and years if I’m lucky. I will consume every thing I can about it and sacrifice my sleep for it. I love buying merchandise like FUNKO POPS!!!!!!!!! I only have one but I’m trying to expand my collection.

• social interactions: ARE FUCKING EXHAUSTING. When I first learned what masking was I had an identity crisis realizing that I have no real sense of self because I’m just MIRRORING PEOPLE. ALL THE TIME!!!!!!! I’ve always felt like everyone was better at socializing, and that I “missed that class” as if it really is a class. In elementary school it was awful, I was so obsessed with mine and other people’s behavior, and I was very sensitive and judgmental. I started doing that because when I tried to be myself I got bad reactions, so masking was kinda like a safety blanket, a very unhealthy and depressing safety blanket. However, thanks to the internet and probably a cartoon, I realized it’s better be myself so I started doing that…but only with people I’m close with. Which is two people (not including family members), another autistic person and the “quiet kid”. I still mimic other people, but now I’m just very passive and quiet to hopefully avoid social interaction as much as I can.

• eye contact: I can maintain it…I guess. When I think about doing it, it’s either very excessive or just “yikes eye contact im gonna look at their hands, the wall, or literally anything but their eyes” ahahahwhhsha

• social rules: I’ve never really understood these but I thought I would get in trouble or something if I didn’t do them.

• development stuff: according to my mother, I hit all of my milestones on time but I was a very quiet baby and I knew how to self soothe since birth, idk if that has anything to with autism but yeah. I sucked my thumb and used sippy cups until I was like 8-9. Apparently I was the only one that liked Frozen after age 7. Anyways

• rules: I was a snitch in elementary and people did NOT like that. I told my mom about it and she explained to me that “there’s just some things you don’t tell on people for” and it stuck with me for the rest of my life. Now that I’m a teenager I have trouble accepting that I can’t be in control of my own life 👹 I lie a lot with is normally not on autistic trait but I do it out of fear of punishment…pretty sure that’s normal.

• executive functioning: my executive functioning skills are such ass that I literally can’t function EXCEPT ORGANIZATION. I LOOOOOVEEEEE organizing and will GLADLY take time out of my day to organize things. When my mom is waiting in line for groceries, I’m happily sorting out the candy and making sure it looks nice and goes where it belongs. Ironically, my room usually ends up as an absolute mess but I like cleaning it.

• I don’t always understand sarcasm, it has to be a phrase I’m used to or said with an extremely obvious tone otherwise I won’t get it…I think.

• repetitive noises make my want to tear my brain in half…LOL!!

• I remember when I finally started being myself and suddenly I was “too much” for everyone. I had low empathy, no filter, very blunt, and SOOOOO much stimming.

OKAY I think im done, I’ll lost more about it later.

[alba8688]

Love hurts

Word count :2132

My alarm rang as usual at 6am meaning I had to get up to get ready for the day .I stretched  myself in bed and looked to my side to see a sleepy Eddie shirtless. He was sleeping facing down his hair all over the place but he still looked beautiful.

Anything that boy did was hot even the way he slept .I admire him for a few more Minutes before I decided to get up because I had to pee really bad with a sigh I got up from bed to head to the restroom .

Just as I was about to get up he shot his hands  to my waist and pulled me back into bed with him.

"You're not leaving me alone again ." He said sleepily his eyes were still closed .

"Baby I have to get ready for work ."I tell him

Softly placing a small kiss to the top of his nose .

"No,stay in bed with me ." He whined like a small kid

"Baby come on,or will be late. I want to get there early to grade some papers to hand them out today plus Nate and Ozzy are coming today ." He lets me go and gets up fast from bed pecking my lips beating me to the restroom.

I'm telling you he is more excited than I Am .

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm glad today was Friday. I needed a break from teaching and I was excited because Nathan was coming to stay with me from today till February28. I had a lot of things planned for us this weekend.

Liam's mother had called me yesterday morning letting me know about the new court date on March 1st the only reason she agreed to this new court date  was because she was getting stressed with Nate because his Autism and ADHD had gotten worse because she wouldn't give him

His medication or taking him to his therapies because she thought she didn't have anything that he was just a spoiled little brat who needed a good beating.that's one of the reasons she took him Away from us because in her head Liam and I were making everything up to make Nate stupid .

But why would we lie about what our son has?

He was diagnosed when he was just 3yrs old. He suffered from really bad anxiety and he couldn't be around where there were loud noises .

I remember when he was around a year old I was putting him down in his playpen. He started screaming and crying when one of his toys started making a really loud noise .

But back then I didn't know what was wrong with him.

But after Liam and I found out we understood everything he did .

How when he play with his toys he would align all the toys in s straight line

Or the fact he didn't start taking until a few months ago which I  wasn't there for his first sentence and that killed me .I remember when they took him away from us he will Babble and point to things the only words he knew were mommy and daddy .

When Liam and I heard him say those words we were the happiest parents in the world,he was 3 when he said them.

There was also this time before we knew he had sensory ,we already knew he had Autism and ADHD but sensory wasn't diagnosed yet.

Sensory information includes things you see, hear, smell, taste, or touch. SPD can affect all of your senses, or just one. SPD usually means you're overly sensitive to stimuli that other people are not. But the disorder can cause the opposite effect, too. In these cases, it takes more stimuli to impact you.

I remember taking him to his diagnostician and her explaining everything to us .Liam and i where scared as Fuck we where both still really young I mean we still are but we learn to educate ourselves about Autism for our son .

"Sensory-seeking behavior in childhood is the tendency to seek out sensory experiences across the five senses: sound, smell, taste, sight, and touch. Many kids who have this issue are thrill-seekers. They like jumping off of high places, such as playground equipment."That was stuck in my head for a while. I was afraid Nate would hurt himself .

I remember a new year back here at Hawkins Dustin and his friends had made a bonfire in lovers lake which I went with Liam and Nate .

Nate tried touching the fire and almost burned himself but Dustin got him before anything could happen and that same night when the kids were popping fireworks he picked up a firework that had a small flame and burned himself. It wasn't that bad but Scared the shit out of us the way he screamed .

We never Let Nate out of our sight but the times when Liam and I had to go to class or work he was going to the daycare and we were so scared to leave him alone ,That's when Liam and I got him a dog His name is "Ozzy." And he is a certified service dog and Nate's best friend .

Ozzy has helped Nate a-lot actually his anxiety has calm.He also alerts us when Nate is having a panic attack or anxiety attack .

Ozzy is with Nate 24/7 .Ozzy is aSiberian husky.

Last night I ended up telling Eddie about Nate being in the spectrum and how he needed Ozzy with him 24/7 plus Ozzy was also part of our family.

Eventually Eddie put everything together .

Flash back last night

"Is that why in new years we were on the balcony the whole time?" eddie ask

"Yeah ,cause we knew Nate couldn't take the noise especially not having Ozzy  with him,sometimes when is too loud he covers his ears and he says that the noise hurts him ,there was this time when we didn't know he had that, we went to an event Liam's mother was doing for charity and there was a lot people and alot of noise he started hitting his head on the table because he wanted the pain to go away ."I tell Eddie remembering that awful Night.

"Jesus Christ, is that bad? " eddie ask concerned

"Well he has actually gotten so much better especially when we got him his earphones that are soundproof ,but one thing we don't understand is how he likes to play the drums. You know it's loud but apparently he likes that sound ." I tell Eddie .

End of flashback

Eddie was ok with everything I told him ,he said that no matter what he still loved Nate and that he would get Gareth to teach him to play the drums and he would also teach him to play D&D.

Eddie is pretty excited knowing Nate would be staying with us for a month. I think he was more excited than Liam and I together .

Especially because he says he was getting another sheep for his Hellfire club .

Jesus Christ he was gonna take my son to the dark side with them .But I'm ok with that because I know my son would love them .

Last night Eddie went to sleep late trying to come up with a small campaign to introduce Nate to Hellfire club.

I love him for that .Eddie really is the best .

Now here I was grading papers and waiting for class to start .

Knock knock knock

The door to the class opens slowly making me turn my head to see who was walking in .

"Mommy !!!" I turn my head to see Nate and Ozzy walking in my classroom with Liam by his side .

Ozzy jumps into my lap and starts licking my face ."Hey buddy, you're excited to see me ." I cooed, giving him scratchies. His tongue was out to one side .

"Ozzy bear get down. I want to see mommy too ." Nate said sweetly to Ozzy who got down and sat on the floor .

Nate sat on my lap and hugged me, pecking my cheek "I love you mommy." He then  starts making meowing sounds when he sees my sweater .

"Meow ,meow,meow !!" He says touching the cats on my sweater

"You like my sweater ?" I ask him

"Mhmm." He hums

"Can I have a kiss?" I ask for permission because sometimes he doesn't like to be touched .

"Yes ,here ." He says pointing to his cheek

"Mommy is pretty ." He starts playing with a strand of hair I have loose in the front of my face .

"Nate is pretty too ." I peck his cheek

"Daddy is pretty and Daddy Eddie is pretty too and a Rockstar." He says softly

I raised my eyebrow and looked at my son who was still playing with my hair making a messy braid.

Did he just call Eddie his dad ,a big smile grew on my face .

"Nate couldn't wait any longer to see his mommy so I brought him by ,is that ok ?" Liam says, sitting down on my desk .

"Yes !!is more than ok ." I say excitedly peppering kisses all over Nate's little face .

Nate scrunches his nose with all the kisses I'm giving him .

"Mommy ,mommy can I stay and teach your class today !??" Nate asks sweetly cupping my face with his tiny hands squeezing my cheeks .

"Yes,but you're gonna have to be really strict not giving out the answer to anyone ok ." I smile at him and kiss his forehead .

"Yes !!" He jumps off from my lap and runs to go sit at my desk and turns on my computer .Ozzy follows him laying down next to him on the floor.

"We can meet after work at my apartment ." I tell Liam standing up to open the door to the classroom.

Checking the time in my watch seeing that it was 7:30am .

"Yes Of Course call me if anything ,I'm actually gonna be here right now in school

The whole day I'm helping with this charity event for my mother ."Liam tells me excitedly ,maybe he was hoping to spend more time with me but I don't know , and I know Eddie wouldn't like that at all .

"Wow that's great ,I'll guess I'll see you around ." I fake smile not being too excited to spend more time with Liam,the only reason we talk was because of our son. If not I wouldn't talk to him at all and  because of our  app thing .

I groaned mentally but from the outside I had a fake smile.

"I want to be close to Nate as much as possible. I might look for a place here in Hawkins but I'm still undecided. All I know is that I'll move wherever you and Nate are ." He says walking closer to me, our faces inches apart .

Yeah ,what is he doing ?

His hand goes to my cheek but I move away from his touch. I don't know what he is trying to do .

Before when he did that I would melt for his touch but now I don't feel anything .

I wasn't gonna fall for him anymore. I had already suffered enough for what he did.I did forgive him but I wasn't in love with him anymore .

"Liam ." I said softly

"Dani ,I'm sorry I-I really want to work things out between us if you let me ." Did he just say that ?? I can't believe him he actually wants to work things out right now that I'm in a relationship with Eddie which is wrong in my part because im his teacher but fuck I can't  seem to let go of him .He said what I w aged him to say so long ago and now here he was saying those I wanted to hear before . But now they mean nothing to me .

"Liam I can't, I love him ." I said softly

"Dani !! He can't give you what I can ,Jesus Christ !! He is still in High school !! What future do you have with him ." He whisper shout Moving his hands around

"I-I don't care if he doesn't have money ,I don't care about the stupid fancy shit ,because I love him ." I whisper shouted back at him .

We probably look like some kind of weirdos whispering shouting to each other .

"Dani, think about it please ." He leaned in to kiss my cheek ,I gently pushed him back putting my hand on his chest .

"Eddie!!!!"Nate runs from my desk jumping in Eddie's arms.Ozzy following behind.

My heart melts seeing my son so happy with Eddie and I’m also scared that Eddie might have heard something. Or worse for Nate to open his mouth and say something about Eddie and I.

Next chapter

[mewtonian-physics]

🧸 Do you have any comfort objects?

🔍 Do you have a special interest? If you do, what is it and what is your favourite thing about it? (i know what it is i just like seeing you talk about it jnhbgvcfdx)

💢 Which senses do you have the most sensory issues with?

first one answered here!

i actually have a couple special interests :) metal gear's more of a hyperfixation though who knows... it may become more than that. anyway i think my longest-running special interest has been sherlock holmes! helped me cope with my autism diagnosis and has been my beloved ever since. i got to watch some of the granada tv adaptation with jeremy brett and oh my god it's the best adaptation hands down. (i have many thoughts on various adaptations. nobody watch elementary elementary fucking sucks as an adaptation. who the fuck decided making moriarty and irene adler the same person was a good idea? that's fucking moronic. i hate it so much.) i have all the stories and multiple books on its history and i got to go to an interactive sherlock holmes museum exhibit once and it was amazing. seriously i love this stuff. sherlock holmes THE fictional autistic icon of all time

another one is alice in wonderland! that one's less long-running but it's still a big thing i adore it. i love alice things even if it's just the aesthetic i'm soooooo into it. i have a really old copy of through the looking glass with a little newspaper clipping explaining some of jabberwocky taped into the inside front cover. i love it. i have yet to find The Perfect Adaptation but :3 i do love the alice games... they're not really adaptations so much as they are fucked up sequels but i do love them all the same.

and of course there's metal gear my beloved metal gear. anti-war war series. great characters storyline that ranges between tearjerking and fucking hilarious and of course raiden my beloved my most wonderful. id do anything for him.

sensory issues, huh? i'd say taste and touch are the senses most likely to be hell on earth for me. sometimes hearing can get me really bad too, but mostly that one's useful. (having very sensitive hearing as a musician? ohhhh yeah.) sight isn't usually an issue and smell is... funny because i actually have a very bad sense of smell. like sometimes it's weirdly good but also i can't smell flowers. i just can't. i've never been able to. it baffles everyone including me

thanks for the ask :3

[saberdramon]

new night a new entry to the "i wouldn't be surprised if i had this mental illness or brain thing" list

[nepenthendline]

A Characterisation/Writing Guide - Autism and ADHD

Hi everyone! This post is going to be a guide on how to accurately write characters with Autism and ADHD. I have been so many works where Autism and ADHD have been terribly written - using so many stereotypes and just nonsense that has nothing to do with neurodivergences, so I hope this helps educate writers and give them more confidence to write such characters.

For reference, I have Autism and ADHD, as well as many friends with either, therefore this information is coming directly from a neurodivergent.

This guide will be split into three parts: characterisation in both Autism and ADHD, Autism chracterisation and ADHD characterisation. This being because Autism and ADHD, while two different disorders, do have some overlaps. 

TERMS:

Neurodivergent - describes those differing in mental or neurological function from what is considered typical or normal

Neurotypical - describes those who are considered normal and do not differ in mental or neurological function

NOTE - Not everyone is the same. Everyone is different and will act and feel in different ways, this is simply an overview of how Autism and ADHD typically can be characterised

MUTUAL CHARACTERISATION OF AUTISM AND ADHD:

As mentioned before, both Autism and ADHD do have overlapping traits that can make them look similar at times, although it is important to remember they are two very different disorders. 

Autism and ADHD are NOT mental illnesses or learning disabilities. They are neurological disorders that people are born with, and cannot be treated or cured. Neurodivergents can learn techniques to help manage their difficulties, however. It is important to note that while these are not mental illnesses, it is very common for neurodivergents to have mental illnesses (particularly anxiety or depression) or struggle with learning as a result of their difficulties.

MASKING:

Masking is a technique that neurodivergents develop in order to act or speak in a way that is ‘socially acceptable’ or neurotypical by observing and replicating neurotypicals in different situations. This includes subjects such as not stimming/keeping still, not saying particular things, following social cues, speaking with specific tones at specific times and so on. 

Not every neurodivergent will mask but most do. Everyone does this to a different extent; some mask 24/7 to the point where you would barely be able to recognise any ‘abnormal’ traits, whereas others only mask in more serious or professional situations and let loose around friends or family. It is up to you as the writer to decide how your character will mask, however there tend to be some trends. For example, those with high-function Autism (especially girls) are much better maskers than low-functioning Autism (especially boys).

Masking is exhausting; it takes a lot of effort to, essentially, act as a completely different person for the entire day. This does not mean that neurodivergents are two-faced in any aspect however. Neurodivergents simply tweak their existing personalities to ‘fit in’ with the people or situation. 

Masking in writing:

It is quite difficult to write masking as the person is essentially just acting like ‘normal’. However, there are some things you can include that help demonstrate masking:

 Adapted stims* that are much smaller and undetectable than a person’s usual stims, such as fiddling with their fingers or edge of their sleeve, looking around often or slight movements such as swaying or playing with jewellery they are wearing 

 Speaking more or less than usual and with much more changes in their pitch and tone

Slight cracks in a character’s masking, such as stimming when others aren’t looking, not holding eye-contact when speaking, face or tone falling flat at points

*Stims will be explained in the next section

STIMMING:

Stimming refers to self-stimulating, repetitive behaviours that are done to often calm a person down when in stress, or to show high levels of emotion such as happiness. Both neurodivergents and neurotypicals stim, however there are some difference. 

The most common examples of stims are bouncing your leg when sitting in a chair, clicking your pen repeatedly or tapping on a table, which are things that most people have done at some point. The difference is that neurodivergents have a lot less control over their stims, and they tend to be much ‘bigger’, louder, distracting or harmful. It is also much more difficult for a neurodivergent to stop or ‘hold in’ their stims, causing more stress and agitation. Some people have small stims like fiddling with their hands, others have much bigger stims like waving their arms around, and some have harmful stims such as scratching or banging their head against a wall. 

Stimming in writing:

If you are ever asked to write about how a character would help someone else/a reader with their stimming, please never ever write about the character stopping the other person/reader. This is extremely harmful for the stimming character and projects a view that stimming is bad or ‘naughty’, and many people have faced trauma over being forced to stopped stimming as it is seen as disrespectful or distracting. Stimming is often one of the only ways neurodivergents can clearly express their emotions. If you stop a stim, the person will simply stim in another way. Instead, try these ways:

Stim toys that the character can use, these are often small and discrete, and can allow the character to stim without harmful, loud or large movements

Distracting the character with something else, possibly an activity, something to hold, or audio/visual distractions

Reassure the character that these stims are ok and they are safe to do around other characters

Take notice of the situation the character is in, why are they stimming? Are they anxious? Are they excited? It is better to prevent the situation in the case of stress rather than try and stop the person from stimming, and allow the character to stim when feeling happy

In romantic situations, allowing the character to stim with their partner shows high levels of trust and acceptance, and it is also comforting for the stimming character to often use aspects of their partner to stim, such as playing with their partner’s fingers or hair

Exercise is a great way of helping those who stim often to release pent up energy

Stimmers can trigger other stimmers, so if you have two stimmers in a room together, chances are they will stim together, getting louder and bigger than usual

SENSORY SENSITIVTY:

Both those with Autism and/or ADHD tend to struggle with sensory sensitivity. This describes how people are easily affected by sensory input (sight, sound, taste, touch and smell). Most cases of sensory sensitivity end in distress, fear, panic and overload, however there are some people who feel comforted by high levels of sensory input. When people deal with too much sensory input, they often go into a ‘meltdown’. This is different for everyone, but often includes irritability, panic, shutting themselves off from others, extreme stimming and a feeling of being severely overwhelmed. Some people cannot speak at all during these episodes. while others may shout or make noises. They are often mistaken for tantrums, bad behaviour or just being grumpy. Young people tend to have much more active meltdowns, such as shouting, stimming, running off etc, however older people (especially girls) then to be more quiet, shut off and unable to continue speaking or doing tasks. That being said, everyone is different and anyone can have a different meltdown. 

Sensory sensitivity in writing: 

The best way to describe sensory sensitivity in writing is relating it to pain or panic. Often those with low tolerance to sensory input describe loud noises, for example, as physical pain in their head, or certain materials as making them feel faint or nauseous. 

Sensory sensitivity relates to any sense, so some people may be terrified of certain noises, feel panicked by certain smells or feelings or feel sick/vomit from certain tastes - please understand the severity of this for some people

Neurodivergents often find techniques to help them with this, such as wearing noise cancelling headphones or playing music or audio to distract them

The best way to help someone during a meltdown is to help them out of the situation and leave them to decompress. This might include letting them sit in a dark room for a while, laying in silence or touching an item/smelling something that brings them comfort

Describing a meltdown for a character can often be similarly written like a panic attack, and often meltdowns can lead to panic attacks for some people, such as an increased heart rate, sweating, crying, hyperventilating/heavy breathing etc.

Struggling to write sensory overload? Try and think how you would feel if you had 30 different voices screaming at you at once, with bright lights and super itchy clothing. Really panicked, scared and overwhelmed right? 

Those who are sensitive to sensory input often hear/feel/smell/see things much louder/easier/more extreme than others, so while something may be quiet to one person, it seems really loud to another

HABITS AND COMPLUSIONS

Neurodivergences come with a lot of habits and compulsions, somewhat similar to traits of OCD. These are things such as having to have particular routines, having to carry certain items with them at all times (mine are my BTS water bottle and earphones lol). Without fulfilling these habits, compulsions and comfort items, a person can become extremely stressed, panicked and overloaded. 

Habits and compulsions in writing:

Writing these can go from very subtle to extreme, it could be that someone has to get ready in the morning in a particular order, eat their food in a certain way/order or follow a particular route to get somewhere

The odd thing is that neurodivergents are actually pretty bad at developing habits, a neurodivergent could do the same thing over and over every single day, but completely forget to do it one day and never do it again

When writing for characters, some characters may be able to mask their distress when their habits/compulsions are not fulfilled, however others can not do so at all, but either way this sends the character into feeling of panic and distress

A character may develop certain habits/compulsions for different reasons, it could be from experiences, completely random, comforting senses or familiarity and fear 

For example when walking into my nearest town I have to walk a very specific route on a specific side of the road or I freak out, this is because it’s what I’m used to and I struggle to deal with change

Speaking of change, a character can be written as anxious or irritated when plans are changed

SPECIAL INTERESTS/HYPER-FIXATIONS:

Probably my favourite topic - neurodivergents often develop special interests and hyper-fixations. These relate to specific subjects or activities that a person will learn about or engage in with extreme focus and dedication. Some common examples are trains and butterflies, where a person will learn and memorise  every type of train, or every type of butterfly to exist, and how different trains work or the life cycles of butterflies. This can be of any topic though, as a child my personal special interest was Ancient Egypt and I spent all of my free time learning about the history. As I’ve gotten older, this has changed and my hyper-fixations have been mostly BTS and Haikyuu (with some short ones in between). 

Special interests/hyper-fixations in writing:

Info-dumping! Characters with special interests can often be written with moments of info-dumping, where they will talk about their special interest for a long period of time to someone else. They are often very excited, talk quickly and possibly even seem a little frantic when trying to explain their interest - this is something they have little control over and tend to talk for too long or at inappropriate times 

Stereotypes are often written in special interests, particularly the example I gave about trains - not every neurodivergent likes trains, please be creative when thinking about what special interest your character may have, if they have one at all

A character may have one long-standing special interest that they’ve been learning about for many years, or they can flutter between multiple hyper-fixations in the span of a few days

Hyper-fiaxtions can affect a character in ways such as forgetting to eat or sleep, forgetting to do other commitments or becoming extremely upset, stressed or unmotivated when that interest is no longer doable (such as if a TV series ends)

Some characters may be embarrassed about their interests, whereas others will happily info-dump with no concerns 

FRIENDSHIPS AND RELATIONSHIPS

Both Autism and ADHD can cause difficulties in making and keeping friendships or relationships. This is often due to struggles in communication, forgetting to speak to people, getting bored of social interaction, getting overwhelmed and feeling too ‘different’ from everyone else. Some people, however, can make friends every easily, particularly more extroverted and confident types. Autistics in particular tend to have small groups of friends that they feel truly comfortable with, and may struggle to understand why a person needs other friends/ a large group. This can lead to feelings of ejectment or jealously. A neurodivergent will often struggle to know how a person feels about them without being directly told, and will need frequent reassurance that this feeling is continuous. 

AUTISM CHARACTERISATIONS

Talking too much or very little - about 40% of people with Autism are mute, meaning they cannot speak. Characters could also be selectively mute, meaning they can only speak in situations they are comfortable with, or certain people

Autism is a communication disorder, majorly affecting a person’s ability to communicate and understand socialisation. Here is how to characterise Autism:

NOTE - I have used functioning labels here as, personally, I prefer to use them and is more often used where I am from, however some people prefer not to, please keep this in mind

Speaking out of turn - this is either because they do not understand the social cue of waiting until someone else has finished to talk, or because they will forget what is on their mind if they don’t say it immediately

Taking jokes or words literally - this can cause character’s to become distressed when they do not understand a joke, or end up doing a task that was not meant to happen because they took a conversation literally. This also include having difficulty understanding figures of speech such as ‘it’s raining cats and dogs’

Having difficulty understanding the rules of social interactions - this covers a range of things, from struggling to know what to say when speaking to a cashier at a store, to not knowing what to say in certain situations. An example of this is if someone said ‘hi, my name is ....”, the social cue is to respond with ‘hello, it’s nice to meet you, my name is ...”, however those with Autism tend not to understand this and may reply with something else. In my experiences, I often panic and say ‘thank you’ instead, despite this not being the ‘correct’ reply

Expressing the wrong emotions - Autism makes it very difficult to understand emotions, either from others or expressing them yourself. While others immediately know a smile means someone is happy, this is not something that is easy to understand in Autism. An autistic person may laugh or smile during negative situations, or look upset or mad in happy situations as they are either unaware of how they are carrying their body language, or simply do not know what body language fits with what emotion

Difficulty understanding emotion of others - whether it be verbal or non-verbal, it can be very difficult for those with Autism to understand what others are feeling and can often jump to the wrong conclusions

Using the wrong tone of voice or having a ‘robotic’ tone - For the same reason as the last point, those with Autism tend to either sound robotic at times, or use the wrong tone in the wrong situations, such as sounding angry when they are not, however they are often unaware of this when it happens. This also means they tend to be more blunt and literal in their own speech

Not understanding hints - those with Autism often need to be spoken to very directly as they struggle to understand hints or ‘read between the lines’. This could be anywhere from not understanding hints of romantic feelings, to someone mentioning that the trash is getting too full (as a hint that it needs to be taken out)

Difficulty with focus and following lists - this is an overlap with ADHD however the reasoning is often different, autistic people are often perfectionists, so if you give them a list of things to remember, they will focus so hard on remembering the first thing correctly that they forget the rest. Difficulty to focus is often due to a lack of interest in the topic 

Attention to detail and ‘all or nothing’ - Autistic people are great at paying attention to small details and often focus on that more than the big picture. They are also very ‘all or nothing’ with how they delegate their focus, if they are interested in something they will put their entire energy and focus into it until its perfect, if they aren’t interested? They probably wont do it at all, this often means that some Autistic people struggle academically because they don’t feel interested in the topics, and therefore have no motivation to do the work

Great at following rules and instructions - despite being bad at lists, Autistic people tend to be good at following rules, this is because they are often black and white, literal and easy to understand, they like structure!

Increased skills and abilities - those with autism are often more creative and intelligent in a wide variety of skills that neurotypicals, in fact to be diagnosed with high-functioning autism, you must have a higher-than-average IQ. Unfortunately the stereotype is that Autistics are dumb or stupid - this is not the case at all

Boys vs girls - everyone is different, however boys and girls tend to act very differently. Boys tend to be more extroverted and loud and particularly struggle with understanding emotions or talking in turn. Girls tend to be more introverted, quiet and can mask much better, but struggle more when knowing if it is acceptable to speak

No empathy? - this is what people often relate to Autism, however this is inaccurate. People with Autism can and do feel empathy, however it tends to be slightly different. For example, if a neurotypical told another neurotypical about a bad situation they went through, the other person would often reply with ‘I’m sorry that happened to you, I hope you feel better soon”. A neurodivergent, however, would often reply like this, “something similar happened to me once.....”. This often comes across rude to neurotypicals, however it is much easier for a neurodivergent to relate the person’s feeling to their own experiences, and share comfort by letting the person know they are not alone

Difficulty with eye contact -  good body language often explains that eye contact is key, however this is extremely difficulty for neurodivergents 

Forgetfulness - to be honest I don’t know why this is, autistics are just really forgetful. You need to repeatedly tell them to do something or they wont do it

Planning - autistics often need and enjoy planning their schedule. They find comfort in knowing exactly when, where and how things are happening and with who 

Shyness and introverted? - many autistics will be shy, introverted and struggle with social anxiety, but this is not the case for everyone. A person can be autistic and be super confident, loud and extroverted - it is a stereotype that being autistic makes you shy and quiet

REMEMBER - AUTISM IS A SPECTRUM DISORDER MEANING PEOPLE CAN RANGE FROM MILD TO SEVERE TRAITS, NOT EVERYONE WILL HAVE EVERY SINGLE TRAIT

AUTISM STEREOTYPES:

Everyone likes trains

They are rude and blunt

They are stupid/unintelligent

They cannot understand rules

They cannot feel empathy

They are quiet and shy

They are disruptive 

AD(H)D CHARACTERISATION

ADHD is a condition that affects the focus and attention of a person. Here’s how to characterise someone with ADHD:

Not everyone is hyperactive - firstly, the ‘hyperactive’ part of ADHD doesn’t often mean physically hyperactive, but a person can have ADD where they do not show hyperactive traits

Difficulty focusing - this is much more than just not being able to focus, there are many reasons as to why this is, including getting distracted easily (by external sources or their own thoughts). finding it difficult to understand social interactions, feeling overwhelmed

Hyperfocusing - on the flip side, ADHD can cause people to hyperfocus on certain things, where it takes all their time and energy and they forget to do other things such as eat or sleep

Difficulty with eye contact -  good body language often explains that eye contact is key, however this is extremely difficulty for neurodivergents 

Speaking out of turn - this is either because they do not understand the social cue of waiting until someone else has finished to talk, or because they will forget what is on their mind if they don’t say it immediately

Difficulties controlling emotions and mood swings - this is often comes out in anger and frustration. This can be for various reasons: they are frustrated that they cannot focus like others, a lack of motivation, get easily stressed and insecurity

Restlessness - this is often seen as being always ‘on the go’, they need to be busy at all times doing different activities. In writing this can be shown as excessive talking, fidgeting, getting bored easily or taking risks

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria - this is an emotional response to rejection or criticism which often looks like insecurity and anxiety. This could be real rejection, or perceived rejection, for example someone saying they are too busy to hang out may trigger an emotional response of rejection, low mood and anxiety in someone with ADHD. This can also lead to anger or panic, and causes people to become ‘people pleasers’ or not try at all

Poor organisation - the opposite of Autism where those with ADHD struggle with planning, organising, misplacing items and keeping things tidy. It is difficult to understand priorities, separate relevant and irrelevant information and time management. Those with ADHD often begin tasks and do not finish them due to restlessness, distractions or feeling overwhelmed by the task

Difficulties starting tasks - ADHD can make it very difficult to begin tasks as they feel too overwhelming, difficult or take too much focus. Breaking down tasks into smaller sections can help this a lot

Forgetfullness - out of sight, out of mind is often the case with ADHD, and so things like post-it notes and reminders can help people remember things they need to do

Multiple thoughts at once - neurotypicals tend to only have one thought/idea in their head at a time, however those with ADHD often juggle multiple thoughts which can lead to distraction and frustration

‘All or nothing’ - Those with ADHD tend to be ‘all or nothing’ with how they delegate their focus, if they are interested in something they will put their entire energy and focus into it until its perfect, if they aren’t interested? They probably wont do it at all, this often means that those with ADHD may struggle academically because they don’t feel interested in the topics. Unlike Autism, they tend not to focus well with repetitive  tasks as this lacks simulation

Medication - unlike Autism, ADHD can be helped with stimulant medication that allows them to focus a bit better. This is not a cure as ADHD cannot be cured, however it can be beneficial to some to help manage their struggles

Acting without thinking and being impulsive - to find some stimulation, those with ADHD may act without thinking of their consequences, or can engage in risky behaviour as other avenues may seem boring, please note this is not the case for everyone, and these ‘risks’ may be very mild like trying a new flavour of ice cream. They can act impulsively too and struggle to wait their turn

Communication difficulties - while ADHD is not a communication disorder, it can have affects on communication such as talking out of turn, starting conversations at the wrong times, being insensitive to particular topics or getting too distracted to focus on the conversation

Need reminders to take care of themselves - due to a mix of hyperfocusing and not focusing well, those with ADHD may often forget to do things such as eat, drink, sleep or shower

Quite easy to get their attention - when someone with ADHD is daydreaming, getting distracted or not focusing, it can be as simple as giving them a tap or a smile to bring their attention back to the matter at hand, even if these needs to be done multiple times

Rewarding behaviour - this technique works well as rewarding good behaviour releases dopamine, which is the hormone often lacked in those with ADHD, this allows people to connect activities and behaviours with positive feelings and are more likely to do it again in the future

ADHD STEROTYPES:

ADHD is ‘diet’ Autism

Those with ADHD cannot sit still

They are disruptive

Everyone with ADHD is hyperactive, loud and extroverted