#only lesbians understand this complexity of love

[foolssoup]

germs i wanna know if im amongst my peers cuz i feel like im the only gay man watching this show

[idkwhatimdoingbutslay]

*visibly vibrating* don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block

[unopenablebox]

i DID manage to get oysters with my friend after all and first of all she's apparently only moving to another state rn, and australia only in several months, which is at least a little more doable for hangs

but also she was really excited to see me because apparently i'm the only person she knows to whom she could admit how self-actualized she feels in her sexual identity (as a bisexual person) by dating a man and a woman simultaneously

[peachyromanxff]

I can’t stand CaitVi

I’ll never like Caitlyn or her and Vi’s relationship. People like to say “oh you just can’t handle complex characters” or claim lesbophobia/misogyny when you criticize their ship or Caitlyn as a character. Like no bitch I just don’t like her as a person and think Vi, despite her mistakes and wrongdoings, deserves way better than Caitlyn 😭 also I am a lesbian so wtf

Also I raise you this:

Caitlyn is not a complex character at all. Maybe in season one she was, cuz you had to dig a little deep and really pay attention to understand her motivations and what drives her to act the way she does and make the choices she makes.

But in season two, however, it not hard to understand why she did what she did. I know why she gassed parts of Zaun and why she went after Jinx, and I don’t like her!

One thing I don’t understand is why Caitlyn hit Vi after Vi didn’t let her take the shot. That’s the main thing that makes me a Caitlyn/CaitVi hater. To me, Caitlyn had no logical reason to hit Vi that would’ve made me go “ohhh okay, I understand”.

People like to justify Caitlyn hitting Vi by saying “it was one time, it’s not abuse!” As if they wouldn’t leave their partner if they were hit, even if it was once. As if they wouldn’t be encouraged to leave the partner who hit them.

Saying “she was frustrated, she was upset” is still completely fucked because what happens when she gets frustrated again? Is she gonna resort to physical violence once more? People who hit others when they’re frustrated fall into a pattern of doing that when there’s no one to stop them, don’t they? 

I get that her mom died but come on, girl. She was raised with damn near all the tools one could need for processing her emotions, and in this moment, she chooses to hit the woman she supposedly loves in the stomach with the back of her gun. And her dick riders will still say that CaitVi isn’t oppressor x oppressed, like oh okay!

Vi put on the uniform of the people that killed her parents, threw her and jail and oppressed her people for years and Caitlyn never took off the uniform for Vi, but it’s not oppressor x oppressed? Vi never raised her hand against Caitlyn once, not even when she was frustrated, and Caitlyn seemed perfectly okay with hitting Vi, what, three times, but they’re not oppressor x oppressed? Caitlyn also threw that boat in Vi’s general direction the second Vi said something she didn’t like, but y’all like to gloss over that because it’s something small. Idk about y’all but I don’t throw things at people I love when I get mad!

And then, you know what really takes the cake for me? The fact that Caitlyn apologized for/brought up sleeping with Maddie out of all the fucking things in the world. She didn’t apologize for hitting her or leaving her, just for sleeping with Maddie. Does none of that other shit matter to her?? Idk I just thought that was fucked. I think their whole relationship is fucked, and I think the only reason they’re even together is because Cait was the first person to show her kindness in a long time and she got attached. Add on the fact that they went through something traumatic together that brought them closer and there ya go, there’s CaitVi. I’m sure there was real love there at some point, and they were physically attracted to each other but idk, after Caitlyn asked Vi to become and enforcer knowing that those people killed her parents and practically ruined her life, that made it clear to me that Caitlyn no longer cared that much about Vi and was more focused on what Vi could do for her.

And don’t even get me started on that godforsaken jail sex scene. That was beyond gross and inappropriate for the context of the whole situation, AND considering Vi’s history with prison cells. Genuinely what the fuck.

So yeah. I heavily dislike CaitVi, don’t like Caitlyn either. TimeBomb has my heart, I fear (I am well aware of their flaws so don’t be in my comments talking about how they beat each other up. I know. At least it was mutual and at least they had a reason to be fighting. Just saying!)

[genderkoolaid]

I feel like you would get this, seeing this comment section kinda hurt. The OP they are responding to is a non-binary trans man who was talking about feeling uncomfortable because they still feel attraction to lesbians and have felt very excluded. He’s wary around certain lesbians because they center their ideology around hating men regardless of gender identity and has faced a lot of anti-transmasculinity and transmisogyny. While most lesbians are wonderful amazing people there’s no denying that some do hold an innate hatred for men, not saying they need to like men. I fully understand lesbians and predatory cis men but there’s definitely lesbians who would date trans men. It can be scary for a trans man to come out or start transitioning because at what point do they become too masculine or too much of a man for their friends. There were even people in the comments saying the same anti-man statements who identify as a he/him nonbinary lesbian. This topic is very hard to hear for me as a closeted genderfluid person because my best friend is a man hating lesbian and I dread the day I can actually begin transitioning and she turns her back on me like these people. Queer spaces in general can be hard to occupy as a multi gendered person because of those people as well as mlm/nblm spaces that say ‘fem aligned dni’. In general I don’t think we should police labels and everyone has their own interpretation and I think labels are just a suggestion anyway but I suppose that makes sense for a genderfluid bisexual person.

These people just straight up do not understand the gender diversity that has always existed in lesbian spaces (by which I mean spaces built & catering to queer women & those seen as women).

There have always been trans men in lesbian spaces. You aren't obligated to fuck them, but they have always been there. There are pages and pages of writing out there not only by trans male dykes, but by the lesbian cis women who love them and still identify as lesbians while in relationships with them. There are trans guys at dyke bars right now as we speak having a great time.

Its not surprising to me that there are he/him NB lesbians supporting this. There are a lot of people out there who, because they don't identify As Men, mentally distance themselves from those who do despite any similarities. It's okay for THEM to be lesbians, and it's transphobic to erase THEIR lesbianism because they are Non-Men™! but once you cross that line you become the enemy. It's very "no you gyns I'm TOTALLY different than those gross tbros i promise im not a man at all and i will never want to be one so im allowed in the club!" The same people also throw multigender people under the bus. Trying to figure out your nonbinary in this environment is hellish (I speak from experience) because people pretend like they are super accepting of nonbinary people, until you realize that if you ever think of yourself as even slightly male people will start seeing you as a predatory invader trying to Force Lesbians To Date Men! Very "complex gender for me but not for thee"

Anyways. Twitter is not a good place. Anon, I hope you find better friends. Not every queer space is this hostile to us, I promise. There are people out there who genuinely work to make our community better and I hope you find them.

[foundations-of-the-slay]

Okay so the finale of Arcane was great in a lot of ways but I feel I need to voice a little bit of disappointment/resentment for Act III.

First of all, Ekko and Sevika deserved better than the endings they got. Ekko did more in that battle than anyone else, and yet he ends up alone and sad. Sevika is the only Zaunite put on a council that will probably be classist asf to her.

Second, the total neglect of Isha (both her life and her death). Acts I and II built a narrative of found family with Isha, Jinx, and Sevika, only for it to not contribute to the greater narrative at all and to be completely thrown out in Act III.

Third, and probably most controversially, I do not think Caitlyn deserved Vi in the end. For reference, I really really liked CaitVi in the first season. I liked seeing a complex dynamic between two well-done lesbian characters. And then in the second season, Caitlyn takes her trauma and misery out on Vi. She essentially becomes a fascist dictator, floods the undercity with poisonous gas, increases imprisonment of Zaunites, works closely with Ambessa, and nearly kills Isha. And I was willing to hear out a redemption arc if it was good enough. But it wasn’t. There was never a decent apology to Vi, never any form of apology or regret for what she did to Zaun, no remorse over pointing a gun at a child. Just a vague air of “my bad” along with killing Ambessa. After everything she did to Vi and her people, I do not think Caitlyn remotely deserved to be with Vi, who spent the season coping, doing damage control, and tirelessly trying to fix her family. I am a wlw with an amazing girlfriend, and I love that we saw an endgame lesbian relationship, but I don’t like their dynamic or the way Caitlyn treats Vi.

Finally, the lack of any kind of conclusion to the Zaun/Piltover conflict. I understand that they were able to unite to fight Noxus, but aside from that, hardly anything has changed. ONE Zaunite was put on the council, and that’s all. No redistribution of wealth, no reparations, no sovereignty for Zaun, no apology for the decades of suffering Piltover caused Zaun. Ekko must return alone to a desolate undercity while Caitlyn and Vi live in the massive, luxurious Kiramman mansion.

My main issues here can be boiled down to this: Act III felt rushed. Very few stories were fully developed and satisfyingly concluded. The ones we did get (Viktor & Jayce, Mel returning to Noxus) were fantastic, but it left much to be desired for the other characters and storylines.

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

“What should we do about people who are clearly not straight but insist they are?”

Well, nothing. We do nothing about that. 

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the frustration. No matter if this is a situation where they have a full-on fling with you and still insist that they are straight, or if it’s your friend who jokes so often that she wishes she could just be a lesbian that you don’t really think it’s a joke anymore, or even if it’s a celebrity who talks about how they had experiences with women and men and then goes on to call themselves a straight ally - sometimes you just wanna grab someone by the shoulders and tell them they are clearly lying to themselves and/or are not aware bisexuality exists. 

There’s nothing wrong with that feeling. Especially if you yourself had a difficult time coming to terms with your sexuality, you may want to save others those years of confusion. And there ARE people who lie to themselves or are not aware bisexuality exists. 

But - and this is an important but - coming to a point where they are able and willing to come out to themselves? That’s a journey everyone needs to go on themselves. 

Maybe you look back and wish someone would’ve grabbed you by the shoulder and went “You are gay, accept it”. It’s a comforting fantasy but in real life you can’t force an epiphany of self-discovery like that. You can’t have their epiphany for them. You can offer an open ear and share some information with them if (and only if!) they ask you for advice - but that’s all you can do. 

Next to “You can’t force an internal coming-out on someone who isn’t ready to have one yet”, there’s also another important point we need to consider here: It’s not our place or business to do anything about it. 

Maybe you feel like you see “all the signs” in that person, but it’s not your call to make. You don’t live their life, you can’t decide how they feel or how they want to label it. 

You can’t force a label on someone, and that goes both ways. You can’t tell a gay person they are actually straight, but you also can’t tell a straight person they are actually gay. Experiences do not always equal attraction, sexuality is a complex spectrum and feelings are messy anyway. 

This is of course especially hard to accept if there are feelings involved on your part, for example in that “making out with you at parties and then going home to their heterosexual partner” scenario. You may tell yourself you just need to wait until they are ready to come out as gay and then they’ll want to be with you for real - but that journey we talked about, that may also just end in the realization that, yep, they are straight. Questioning your sexuality, or even experimenting with it, doesn’t always end in a coming-out as gay/bi. 

With all that said, it really boils down to this: 

You can generally(!) advocate for things that make the journey easier for people to go on (for example more accessible education on sexuality). But when it comes to any one specific person, you don’t do anything - unless they explicitly ask you to. 

You can listen if they want to talk about any confusion they may feel regarding their sexuality, you can offer information and support if they ask you for help in figuring it out. But if they are not asking for help, you just accept they are on their own journey and know themselves best. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad 

[darklinaforever]

To those who say that The Acolyte cannot be the victim of racism-related hatred because of the main actors of Andor, Mandalorian and Ahsoka make me slowly laugh.

Diego Luna may be Mexican, but he's sort of white-skinned. Pedro Pascal is under a fucking mask the majority of the time, and Ahsoka may be an Afro Latina actress is a character who was basically one in the animation, being part of an alien race. Natasha Liu Bordizzo also plays a person who was originally in animation with a fanbase that already existed.

You may think that all this does not play a role in public perception, particularly racist in terms of their tolerance, but you are wrong (especially in the reception of an animated character compared to live action like with Sabine). On the contrary, it plays a huge role in their criticism. And precisely, thanks to that they can hide behind the excuse of not being racist.

Amandla is a black woman who play a completely new character. She pulls the triple hat for the worst of the worst in Star Wars fandom. Namely the sexist criticisms and the misogynistic criticisms, and criticizes of the untouchable Lore / what they think Star Wars is supposed to be, which all combine together.

Without forgetting that the one who makes the show is also a woman, a lesbian on top of that, who inevitably infuses her vision into Star Wars.

Stop acting like it doesn't matter.

And hiding behind the fact that many love Qimir and want the continuation of his story to make people believe that there is no racism linked to Amandla forgets some details on this subject.

Literally, these people completely remove the female character, Osha, from Qimir, while you can't tell his story by removing the girl. The characters work together and not separately. They don't understand that the essence of Qimir's character is linked to Osha. And obviously they don't understand that he's more complex than a Sith either.

These people who only focus on Many don't understand the character at all. Most also have misogynistic remarks towards Osha / Amandla.

So, frankly, taking those who specifically focus on Qimir as a standard to prove that there is no racism, only shows their incompetence in analysis and understanding of media, without forgetting the other horrible side that this show has had to face ; misogyny.

Be realistic, the show suffered a huge hate campaign well before its release and therefore the slightest trace of the storyline !

And yes, the storyline of The Acolyte is not perfect, but that is far from the main reason why the show is criticized ! A little realism and objectivity, please !

It's to the point that there is a counter-petition to prove that people don't want The Acolyte to be renewed, and sorry for the haters, but the numbers painfully prove you otherwise.

[honeylemony]

i would love to understand this better.

Was having a conversation with another lesbian today who had issue with me saying "if you're open to men you can't call yourself a lesbian". She said that if she's horny enough she would "use a man" but doesn't ever see herself asking for sex from a man. I asked her how does she expect a man to approach her if she identifies as a lesbian. Does she expect men to feel comfortable approaching lesbians for sex?

Like, this is just a fundamental issue with the identity wars we have going on lately. In practice, labels are only ever meant to communicate in shorthand a relationship you want with other people, a request for how they interact with you. One single label was never meant to encapsulate an entire complex human experience. But if you're using an accepted label you need to understand that it is communicating things about you that other people will understand in the most dominant definition of the word.

I asked her more about it. It came down to, she was asexual but had high libido. She said she didn't really want men OR women approaching her, and only ever wanted a relationship with women. I said that that seemed like a personal intersection between her identities that didn't equal a problem with the lesbian label as a whole. I asked her why she didn't feel comfortable using bisexual and she reiterated she doesn't want to approach men for sex or have them approach her. I asked again how she ever sees herself having sex with a man, how would that initiate, and she couldn't answer me.

Like. And this is the problem. Why aren't we using labels to describe the behaviors we want? Why are we using labels as a "maybe, kinda, sorta, I could see myself doing this" instead of a communication and request between yourself and other people? I fear we are rapidly approaching an area where "any label can mean anything" becomes a band-aid for not actually externalizing asking for certain experiences from other people. A mental thought-stopper that prevents true introspection of your own personal needs from taking place.

If you're expecting a relationship with the world and not asking for it, that is literally your fault. No one else knows to provide you things if you aren't communicating them. It is not a problem of the label you're using (that asks men not to approach lesbians) if the behavior you're receiving is that men don't approach you.

[matchalovertrait]

Quetzalli (keh-tzah-lee) Apanco for @changingplumbob's #DatingDeanna!

22 years old ● Cisgender Woman ● She / Her ● Lesbian

Quetzalli is someone who enjoys stories and the complexity of human nature. She's never understood the disdain for small talk. Doesn't small talk act as a way to ease into deeper, more profound conversations? She also doesn't understand the disdain for pessimistic people. After all, they're the ones who are authentic enough to speak their minds—let them speak their truth! As long as people are respectful, why does it matter?

So yes, Quetzalli believes many narratives must be shared with the world; her favorite storytelling medium is songwriting! She is currently studying music at university. While her friends try to get her outside, she can happily spend all day in her dorm working on her next melody and clever wordplay. She hasn't recorded legitimate studio albums yet, but sometimes the campus radio station plays her songs. Because of that, Quetzalli became a bit of a local celebrity, with her love songs being the most popular!

Somehow, this earned her the title of "love expert", making people feel comfortable enough to ask her for relationship advice. However, Quetzalli has a deep, dark secret... She's never been in a relationship before! Her unflirty nature has seemingly acted as a repellent towards other women. Quetzalli loves the idea of romance but flirting makes her uncomfortable.

She wishes she could be like those perfectly content single people, but that's not her. Also, friends-to-lovers and enemies-to-lovers tropes seem to exist only in fiction for her. How's a girl supposed to find love like this?

So, when she heard about Dating Deanna, Quetzalli thought it would be the perfect opportunity to find love! Yes, even with her unflirty personality. Quetzalli plans to woo the beautiful Deanna with her passion, kindness, and competitiveness.

BUT WAIT.. she has another secret... even though she is genuinely interested in Deanna, she's also drawn to her intelligence—and intelligence often means financial stability. Quetzalli's music has a small yet loyal fanbase, but she's unsure if she'll make it big someday. She wants to work on her craft without worrying about the bills, but she's not a golddigger! Trust!

Again, she really is intrigued by Deanna as a person. Quetzalli likes Deanna's cheerful spirit. She gets inspired by other passionate people, whether they are spirited or pessimistic. Sure, Quetzalli is not the outdoorsy type, but at least Deanna's active lifestyle shows she cares about wellness and isn't lazy! And the idea of marrying someone family-oriented sounds perfect to Quetzalli. She hopes for a partner who will help nurture the curious, creative, and intelligent minds of their future children—children who will one day grow up to share stories of their own.

Quetzalli is ready to fight for Deanna!

Would you prefer your sim to only build a romance bar with Deanna or are you fine with them getting flirty and/or intimate with other contestants?

I'm not sure if it will come to her naturally, but yes! She can get flirty and/or intimate with other contestants.

Is your sim monogamous or would they be open to polyamory?

She is monogamous.

Would your sim be open to woohoo in the later stages of the competition?

Yes, she is open to that!

Would your sim be open to flirting with Joey? Deanna's older brother is an aromantic allosexual and will likely try to hit up a sim or two

No 😔 if Joey was a woman, then yes; however, he is not. So no, lol.

ENTRY TYPE: ALL IN!

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

I can (and will!) talk at length about all the issues with Yasmine & Demetri as a romantic/sexual dynamic, but one of the biggest underlying problems is that it fundamentally misunderstands why women are attracted to intelligent men.

I'm putting this under a Read More so it doesn't eat peoples' dash, but I HIGHLY encourage all my followers to read it, even if y'all are just here for the funny memes and Gay Shit. As a woman, I think the show AND fandom's questionable treatment of Yasmine as a character and how it makes me and other irl women feel incredibly uncomfortable and objectified is important to talk about. Way, WAY too many people are okay with how the Yasmine-Demetri relationship was portrayed, and knowing people are that chill with a female character being turned into a man's accessory makes me feel, um. Unsafe at best. Read on if you love women and drink your Respect Women juice!

Anyways, I feel I have some room to speak on why women like Demetri-esque guys. Although I eventually realized I'm a lesbian, I identified as bisexual for a long time. Before that, in high school, I didn't even realize I liked girls at all. Ironically, I used to be into boys a lot like Demetri. I tended to pursue the smart, sarcastic, gangly nerd types, sometimes to my own detriment! I once liked a whole ass physics major who could easily solve equations that would send me into a stress coma on sight. I dated a premed in college, and for much of that relationship, I was wracked with insecurity that I would only ever be known as that person's girlfriend, with no significant renown or accomplishments to my own name. I pined after lots of guys I perceived as smarter than me, and constantly felt unworthy of them because I didn't think my own intellect measured up. Especially as someone who's never been attracted to "traditional" masculinity (so himbo types and muscles do nothing for me, lmao), I know the draw of sharp, witty guys who keep you on your toes and have interesting and often unique stuff going on in their brains.

From what I've observed, there's two main reasons why (non-lesbian) women crush on this kind of dude. The first is they make fun, engaging conversationalists, and can have complex and thought-provoking discussions with you. If you spend a lot of time in your head, pondering the world around you, it's nice to find someone who also thinks deeply about similar things and can explore those cognitive threads with you. It makes you feel seen and understood, and it's stimulating! Sometimes the other person can introduce you to new ideas that take you in new directions, too, so it's the dynamic that keeps on giving. This was always my own draw toward smart men, personally.

The other reason is more pragmatic. Smart men (especially coding CS/robotics type guys like Demetri) are more likely to get secure, 6-figure jobs. When you consider the widening wage gap between men and women as well as how difficult misogyny can make it for women to get into high-paying fields like technology, robotics, and other hard sciences, dating or marrying a guy making 100k can be a woman's ticket out of poverty. Or at the very least a financial improvement. With the wealth gap increasing in the USA and many other parts of the world, dating "up" to try and gain a bit more financial security is...well, I don't want to make ethics judgments on it (condemning gold-digging??? In THIS economy???), but it IS understandable.

All this to say that neither of these aspects apply to Yasmine and Demetri's relationship in the least.

Yasmine and Demetri don't have enough common interests to have ANY kind of stimulating conversation, and the ones we see certainly do not read that way for either, lmao. They have little shared ground aside from being kind of sassy and mean and having suffered wedgies at some point. There's a bit of banter in Season 3, but it's not particularly witty or deep. It's largely just...fairly surface-level meanness and easy digs. Yasmine makes a jab about not wanting to talk to Demetri regularly, and he makes a jab about her decreasing popularity and a poor taste sex joke. Yasmine tells him his cast smells and calls him a defective freak and a pain in her tits. Demetri calls her Cruella DeVil. It's amusing and maybe even a little endearing, but that's primarily because it has the potential to grow into something deeper and more fun as these two get to know each other better.

And then it stops completely. No more banter whatsoever after Season 3. Every interaction Demetri and Yasmine have in Season 4 and Season 6 is just Yasmine being a sickly sweet, giggly, horny cheerleader for Demetri, revolving her entire person around his likes and interests while making no mention of her own. For fuck's sake, the only times she gets upset with him is when, *gasp*, he's not believing in himself enough! Or when he cheated, obviously, but even that was easily resolved by gift-bombing her with Stereotypical Woman Things until she was back to being inexplicably insane with lust.

Also worth a mention that the show makes a point about how Demetri is a lot academically smarter than Yasmine, so Yas likely wouldn't be capable of having a conversation he considered stimulating or interesting anyways. I don't care how much Demetri lies his ass off about how Totally Into Conventionally Hot Girls he is--he mostly doesn't seem to give a fuck about them except when not responding to their interest in him would make him look weird to his peers.

I also do not believe for a second that Demetri would ever actually want a partner not on his level of (traditional academic) intelligence. We see him act snide and condescending toward people he views as dumber than him--Chris when he first joins Miyagi Do, and Johnny on a few occasions throughout the show. He consistently treats his closest friends (namely Eli, Miguel, and Sam) as intellectual equals, but I don't think he really sees Yasmine that way. Ironically, he treats Moon, the crystal healing chakra granola girl, with more respect and dignity than his own girlfriend!

Unsurprisingly, the only person Demetri seems to view as truly on his level of intelligence is Eli. We learned all the way back in Season 2 that they won a coding competition together, showing they're both very smart and capable in a conventional and easy-to-recognize way (which seems to be the type of intelligence Demetri values above all other types). He doesn't think twice about them going to MIT together because he assumes they'll both get in. They make a fucking karate fight VR together and then squabble about the technical details in a way Demetri physically couldn't squabble (or even TALK) like that with anyone else. Demetri praises Eli's design abilities and gloats about how the physics "checks out" on his sparring deck. Demetri rambles to Eli about his Terry Silver internet deep dive, and Eli nods along like he actually follows what Demetri is saying. And Demetri, presumably, volunteers it in the first place and doesn't mince tech jargon because he also assumes Eli will understand. When Demetri chews Eli out for not applying to MIT, he angrily accuses him of "turning into a moron"--a thing that, from Demetri's POV, seems just about the worst possible thing someone can be.

Nothing we see of S1-S3 Yasmine indicates she has any reason whatsoever to find the things Demetri talks about, or his CS and robotics interests, appealing. Yasmine either actively doesn't care for academics or she struggles with them, viewing them with dismissive contempt because they make her feel inadequate.

Recall how back in S1, she reacts with scorn and disgust when Sam and Aisha are making chemistry jokes. But there's more than just disdain for the uncool "nerds" there--Yasmine also looks uncomfortable and embarrassed. In a sense, the sodium chloride thing IS an "in joke" between the book smart Sam and Aisha. Yasmine feels excluded, outed as someone not "in the know" because she doesn't quite get the reference. It puts up a barrier (dare I say...a gate, even? That Sam and Aisha can keep? Lol) between Yasmine and her peers, one of whom is her friend, and makes it harder for her to relate to and interact with them. No coincidence, imo, that Yasmine gets more malicious in her bullying toward Aisha after this, i.e. more direct fat jokes and the "cheeto pig" thing. It's jealousy and insecurity that Sam and Aisha have this commonality and more "sophisticated" interest that Yasmine can't be included in.

And then there's Season 3, where Yasmine is pleasantly surprised that with Demetri's assistance, her parents "won't have to pay for her A this time." We can gather from this that either a) Yasmine sees herself as "above" the banality of schoolwork, and finds it easier just to make doe eyes at her parents until they bribe her teachers or b) Yasmine genuinely struggles with academics but doesn't deem it "worthy" of putting in the work to actually get better, so she takes the easy way out with money. She might have some insecurity around not being great in school, as shown by the S1 sodium chloride scene and her genuine disappointment when her and Demetri's science project is ruined. Maybe she was planning on using Demetri's success to show off to her parents that "look! I CAN do my own work without your help!" Maybe she enjoys being seen as a competent student, and worries losing her fake good grades would make her look stupid and inept. This could knock her even lower down the social food chain, further isolating her and opening her up to ostracization from her peers. All things being equal, though, we don't have much reason to believe Yasmine cares much about school in of itself. It's a means to an end for her--just one more thing that affects her reputation, and where school performance can improve or detract from it.

In any case, it's clear Yasmine does not VALUE academics, hard work, and dedication the same way Demetri does. Demetri makes a BIG deal about how much he busted his ass to get into MIT and "earned his spot," while Yasmine only enjoys the image of academic success and having As and the way it makes her look good, while not giving a shit about what it actually represents.

Cut to S4 and S6, where Yasmine is now, completely out of left field, highly invested in and enthusiastic about Demetri's interests. Between snubbing him in the hallway last time we saw her to maybe a couple months later at max, she has become seemingly enraptured with all things Demetri. She loves when he talks nerdy! She is incredibly stoked about supporting him at his karate tournaments, and even chews him out when he doesn't have enough faith in himself! She ditched her dad's wedding halfway around the world because he's more important! She makes her junior prom dress a nerdy movie reference to Jessica Rabbit! All the while making, of course, naught a peep about her own interests, goals, passions, etc. At first glance, it looks like Demetri's been exceptionally lucky to find a hot girl who is somehow equally as gung ho about all the same things as him, and it coincidentally only came out after she started dating a nerd that she happens to share all his passions. Except...Yasmine does not have any discernible reason to like any of Demetri's interests.

"But tumblr user demetriandelibinaryboyfriends!" you say. "A few weeks have passed in TV show time! Is it not possible that Yasmine engaged with and grew invested in Demetri's nerd shit and karate offscreen?" Theoretically possible, yes, but due to all the S1 and S3 actual onscreen canon scenes we get of Yasmine, it's incredibly illogical and unlikely. I'd be more forgiving of this ship if Yasmine was in any way set up as a closet nerd, or secretly intrigued by the karate she loved scorning in S1 (and flat out ignoring in S3, and basically S5, too).

As established in the S1 pre-halloween dance cafeteria scene I mentioned, Yasmine has no love for academic nerdiness. References to school shit she doesn't understand appear to make her feel uncomfortable and alienated. In S3, Yasmine only enjoys Demetri's nerdiness insofar as it can help her get a good grade. We're given no reason to believe she would like his smarts beyond that. Hell, even when we see them first making out, it's after we've seen them bond over their experience as bullying victims, not because Demetri suddenly changed Yasmine's mind about how interesting math and coding and dinosaurs are! Yasmine isn't shown to be into pop culture type nerdiness, either, with not a single "geeky" reference to her name. (Besides Jessica Rabbit, I guess, but even that might well have been a thing she was doing FOR Demetri rather than herself. Hell, she's never shown ANY particular interest in movies, and reads much more like a music girlie, if the pop music playing when she crashed her car, the little boombox we see in her bedroom, and the S1 concert she goes to with Moon are anything to go by.) Her sense of humor is more dry and dark, too, like the S1 snide remarks she makes about her and the girls being "chained up in that meth-head's basement" if she hadn't driven away from Johnny. Or her blase scheme to "torture" Anthony.

As for karate, Yasmine actively sticks her nose up at it in S1. She essentially straight up tells Aisha that she and her "karate gang" will always be freak outcasts. In S3 and S5, Yasmine makes no mention of karate that I can recall, and doesn't even have much of a reaction when the fight breaks out at the waterpark. If anything, she seems apathetic, bored, and kind of annoyed, because karate just keeps getting in the way of her Hot Girl Summer XD She never asks Sam much about karate, either, even when Moon does. Hell, even in S4, Yasmine makes one (1) comment about being bummed she won't be there to root for Demetri, before...proceeding to fly back for the prom and not stay for the AVT. Yasmine only manages to muster up any interest in karate when directly interacting with Demetri, and ceases to care about it whenever he's gone. So, clearly, it's not something she finds interesting outside of its relation to her boyfriend.

Which brings me to my next point: When you look closely, the way Yasmine hypes up Demetri's interests and passions does not suggest any deeper care or understanding. The things she says relating to how much she "loves" all things Demetri are...exceptionally non-committal and surface level. "I love it when you talk nerdy!" or "You're more important than my dad's wedding!" or "you have no idea how much I like you!" are all easy things to say, but the underlying why--as well as any details that back up or flesh out these statements--is always missing. We have no reason to believe Yasmine sincerely means what she's saying. She reads like she's going through the motions, almost placating Demetri by telling him what she thinks he wants to hear and nothing more. Yasmine has decided that it's in her best interest and the best thing for her reputation to go out with a fairly popular, well-liked athlete--likely to get back some of the popularity she lost after The Wedgie Incident™️. So she says what she believes she needs to and acts accordingly in order to keep Demetri around. But her supposed zeal for all things geeky, all things karate, and Demetri himself vanishes as soon as he's not around, with Yasmine not making a peep about any of these in S5. Even her pep talk in S6 is ultimately Yasmine trying to convince Demetri to put off their date--perhaps she's looking for an excuse to not have to see him more than she absolutely has to?

And make no mistake--this complete and utter disinterest in their partner's brain and personality goes both ways. Yasmine is, contrary to what the jabs CK makes about her being "book dumb" would have you believe, NOT unintelligent. She has a significant amount of cunning and people smarts, seeing as there's no possible way for her to have EVER been the school queen bee without them. She has good intuition about people who might be dangerous, like Johnny (with his yelling and aggressively slamming on the car door) and Lynn (with her demanding money and a very unconvincing "I ain't gonna hurt ya!"). Yasmine comes up with a convincing cover story about why her Range Rover is totaled. Hell, even her scheme about how to use Anthony's attraction to her to fuck with his head shows she knows how to be manipulative, and is the type of detailed "longcon" that she simply wouldn't have the capacity to plan and pull off if she was truly nothing but a ditz. The issue is that Yasmine is not a type of intelligent that Demetri really cares about or values.

In S1, he DOES seem to respect Yasmine's power and influence, and basically says "I don't think I'm cool enough to be talking to you" the one time they do interact. By S3, though, Yasmine has mostly lost her power and influence--and Demetri directly says as much! Now, his interest in Yasmine seems to be all about her looks. Less because Demetri particularly cares how hot a girl is--I don't think he's attracted to women at all, as I've said in many of my posts--but because of the social capital he gains simply by having a conventionally attractive blonde white girl as his arm candy. And (ironically much like Yasmine!) Demetri goes through the motions and does what he needs to keep his Coolness Trophy and Proof of His Normality and Straightness around.

Demetri takes it a step further, though. While Yasmine seems to have a general idea of his personality (geeky shit, karate, insecurity), Demetri does not bother to differentiate Yasmine from any other girl. Every "nice thing" he does for her is either base-level common courtesy (i.e. not actively saying mean things to her or verbally berating her or whatever), or things like jewelry, flower, and candy gifts, which Yasmine has never shown ANY kind of particular affinity for (and fucking trust me--I have watched every Yasmine scene DOZENS of times). Demetri does less than the bare minimum, treating his girlfriend like The Generic Woman™️ and giving 0 indication he knows anything about what she likes as an individual. Hell, the ONE time I gave him credit--remembering that she likes bleunamis--I realized...Yasmine never confirms she actually likes bleunamis? Or wants one? In fact, she immediately follows up with "maybe you should train longer so we don't have to go on this date"!!! It truly does not seem Demetri cares in the slightest about Yasmine's actual personality, or unique traits. The only reason his half-assed "romantic gestures" even work is because Yasmine likes the optics of being with him.

So, going by all this, I think it's fair to say Yasmine and Demetri don't give a shit about exploring or embracing one another's interests and passions. They've had plenty of time to learn about each other, and neither cares to. They both stick to superficial platitudes that will appease the other person (and perhaps their observing peers) just enough to keep the relationship going, with no indication they have anything but a skin-deep read on who the other is as a person. Yasmine boils Demetri down to Insecure Karate Nerd, so as long as she appeals to one of those traits, she's good to go. Demetri boils Yasmine down to Girly Aesthetic, so as long as he buys her stereotypical girly stuff, he's good to go. Additionally, Demetri and Yasmine broadly do not share values, or how they define a competent, successful person. Demetri values putting in work to get what he wants, while Yasmine is far more concerned with the end result benefiting her than whatever she has to do to get there.

I don't think just because she is hyperfeminine, Yasmine can't be a deep thinker who spends a lot of time in her head, contemplating things she likes. Assuming someone concerned with her appearance who happens to like a girlier presentation doesn't have a rich and complex interior world and an active mind is...well, obviously really misogynistic. But ultimately, it doesn't matter how "loud" Yasmine's mind is or how intricate her inner monologue is. If she and Demetri don't ever go down the same cognitive rabbitholes, then it won't matter a fig they're both deep thinkers. And, naturally, we arrive back at the question people have been asking since these two started dating in S3: What the fuck do they talk about?

Demetri probably wants to talk at length about coding, tech, robotics, his favorite sci-fi and fantasy media, science in general, etc. With Yasmine, we don't know her passions for sure, but I'll extrapolate she's knowledgeable about things like fashion trends, social media, health spas, her favorite pop stars, French culture, the best ways to do a home manicure, etc. Maybe she loves learning even more about these things and telling people about them! But if Demetri and Yasmine were either to ramble to the other about all the thoughts they've been having about That Cool Thing They Like, they'd put their partner straight to sleep. Their partner's eyes would glaze over and they'd just mutely nod along while playing Charlie Brown trumpet noises and letting their mind wander somewhere completely different. There's just no sustainable common ground where they can bond for the long term. So TL;DR, to wrap all this up: Demetri and Yasmine's basic disconnect on values and lack of shared hobbies means that neither would be able to regularly engage the other to any significant degree. This means conversations that are stimulating and fun for both is not really possible in the long term.

As for the second reason women seek intelligent men, well. I don't feel I need to convince y'all too much that Rich Girl Yasmine being a gold-digger isn't the case. But nonetheless, I'm covering all my bases.

Yasmine is absolutely richer than Demetri will ever be by means of old money alone. In fact, Yasmine's wealth is the first qualifier we are told about her. Demetri says to Miguel "don't even bother thinking we can associate with those girls; they're rich. We're worth less than the dirt they walk on." Demetri views this clique as superior and untouchable because of their money. Even when he talks later about how he needs to do well on the PSAT so he can eventually get a good, stable job, he never really frames it like "I want to have as much money as Yasmine someday." He wants a more realistic, achievable picture of middle class success and stability: A decent, well-paying job that is good enough, and a hot trophy girl to show for his hard work. Having money on Yasmine's level seems to be beyond Demetri's wildest dreams.

Keep in mind that Demetri knows he's smart and good at tech--he and Eli won a coding competition pretty recently! Still, having a marketable skill with the potential to make you lots of money is much different than having easy access to generational wealth, like Yasmine is implied to. Her parents fly her to places like France and Australia and buy her new cars without batting an eye--the girl is loaded. She essentially has the money to do whatever she likes (and Annalisa said as much in an interview a while back!). There's no real reason why Yasmine would seek out money in a partner.

You could argue "maybe she wants to be even richer," but investing time and effort into having a relationship with someone who might one day be wealthy (and even then--maybe never as wealthy as Yas already was!) doesn't fit with how we know Yasmine approaches her life. She likes tangible, immediate results and instant gratification, and she doesn't mind cutting corners to get what she wants quicker and with less work. Dating a guy she finds quite boring for years and years and years and banking (no pun intended) on his tech someday making him a millionaire is not a risk I see Yasmine taking. Far less trouble just to mooch mommy and daddy's money and play nice with them so she makes sure she gets that inheritance someday! That, and "oh no, someday I'm gonna be expected to marry a rich, respectable guy so my family won't cut me off :(" isn't a concern I see High School Yasmine losing much sleep over. Girl is using her teenage years to fuck around and have fun, and she'll worry about those pesky adult concerns when she's actually an adult.

So, between no possibility of engaging conversations and Yasmine not standing to gain any money from Demetri that isn't dwarfed by what she already has, there's no logical reason why she would be attracted to this math brainiac in any way that would last.

So why is Yasmine and Demetri being this deeply incompatible a genuine problem? They certainly aren't the first sloppily unconvincing forced romance in TV. The trope of dorky nerd boy x popular girl is even considered banally common to the point that a lot of the initial criticism of this pairing came from it being "cliche." In a lot of cases, badly-done canon ships just make me roll my eyes and move on, either ignoring the dynamic or writing a better fanon alternative. The Yasmine-Demetri dynamic, I'd argue, is a lot more harmful than it first appears. So much so that I can't just turn away and push them off my radar.

The ship sends this really weird message of how dumb girls (or at least girls society perceives that way due to them not performing super well academically or being a bit slow on the uptake) go for intelligent guys because...they like feeling like brainless arm candy? They enjoy feeling like nothing except a hot body next to their well-spoken and probably much more broadly-respected boyfriend, who is actually taken seriously by the people around them? It's just so painfully illogical because no woman would choose that life, especially if the dude is not, like, an insane stud.

What does Demetri do for her that would make her so fixated??? We don't have reason to believe she actually understands his "nerdspeak", and she doesn't need to be his girlfriend to have him get her good grades--she could always string him along just enough for him to keep tutoring her or whatever. Even outside his vibes of being an absolute flaming homosexual, he's canonically a virgin when they get together (at least as far as women go...), so he can't be THAT good at sexual stuff--or at least not compared to some more experienced jock boy. And if she wanted to use him for his body, she could just...do that. She could go to him for a quick, easy lay without them being in a relationship. This is high school, and you can fuck and run, and it's fine! Maybe the idea is that he doesn't care about her enough to get possessive and he's always down for a quick makeout sesh when she's feeling the urge, but like. There are plenty of guys at that school who I'm sure would be delighted to be casual with Yasmine, and wouldn't give a fuck if they weren't exclusive.

I think the implication is that Yasmine really is so stupid that she doesn't know any better. It doesn't compute that she gets nothing out of this relationship, and she's inexplicably insatiably turned on by this guy's smarts. Which is obviously problematic and all but it's just so overtly a dumb male fantasy--every (straight) weird nerd dude wants a super hot conventionally attractive popular girl to become obsessed with him to the point she forgets her own personality, but doesn't want to have to do anything to appeal to who she actually is as a person and what she does and doesn't like. Demetri just conveniently has everything Yasmine's ever wanted in a guy, and doesn't have to put in any effort whatsoever to maintain the relationship beyond doing a 5-second google search of "what to do when your girlfriend is mad at you."

Say you're sorry a bunch of times! Get her flowers! Get her candy! Get her jewelry! And all of this miraculously works because it's every guy's dream to have a hot, endlessly horny girlfriend who can be appeased by The Most Typical Woman Things on the rare occasion she gets cranky. Because women love their frivolous girly plants and their sweets and their materialistic displays of wealth, and must not have any needs or desires beyond that. Just dump enough roses into the sex vending machine, and she'll be back to tonguing you and slapping your ass in public in no time!

All in all, not only is yas/metri prettily-packaged misogyny, it's an aggressively illogical breed of it that holds no water even outside its ickier implications. It's a ship that inherently belittles and demeans the woman (who in of herself is a rather mean-spirited representation of feminine girls), but in a way where the logic falls apart upon any scrutiny whatsoever.

This is the kind of mlw ship dynamic that feels sexist in such an over-the-top, ham-fisted way that it's almost satirical. The het tropes used here are just so incredibly uninteresting that it feels almost intentional--a parody of the type of dynamic it tries to play straight.

Usually I'd just laugh at yas/metri and write it off as a catastrophic failure. And, back in 2022, me and the entire fandom more or less did. It's going for a sweet nerdy dork x hot rich socialite type of thing, and it absolutely did not stick the landing. All we're left with is two characters I don't buy would be romantically/sexually involved for any length of time, and what appears to be some old white men dealing with the fact their high school crushes didn't find them interesting and vicariously living through a teenage boy character about it. Yas/metri was as nonsensical as it was filled to the brim with concerningly misogynistic implications, and so I could take solace in the fact that no one was taking it that seriously.

Except now people are. Now, more and more, a lot of what I see in the character tags for Yasmine and Demetri indicate people see no issue with this dynamic, or how it actively does a disservice to both characters by sticking them with a partner who I believe will never, ever be able to share in or care about the things they love and value. People are praising the "cuteness" of Yasmine's little Demetri cheerleading routine and giggling over her horniness, while there's largely radio silence about how deeply fucked it is that the story objectifies and dehumanizes a female character for the sake of propping up a male character and showing off his "coolness" in getting a hot girlfriend.

It's concerning, and it's saddening. As a woman--particularly one who has been catcalled a LOT and rarely feels safe around straight men these days--it's disheartening to see people enthusiastically condone the use of my gender as pretty props, especially in an online space I've always thought of as a sanctuary.

Fiction does not exist in a vacuum, and it DOES affect reality. When you praise and back couples like Yasmine and Demetri, you send a message to many women that you are not someone they can trust.

[melocherie]

im not sure if the whole lavenoor situation is like done and dusted with, but honestly there was always some parts of the story that rubbed me the wrong way. like how elsa's genderbent was weirdly fixated on sex and erotica, since he was a KID. bcus wdym you found an erotic novel laying around? IT MAKES NO SENSE. WHY WOULD AN ISOLATED CHARACTER HAVE ACCESS TO SUCH STUFF?

hmm.  i  actually  don’t  find  it  strange  to  depict  children  as  having  interest  in  nsfw  content  within  reason.  there’s  a  difference  between  sexualizing  a  child  and  a  child  character  exploring  their  sexuality,  and  noor  clearly  modeled  espen’s  discovery  from  her  own  experiences  of  being  exposed  to  adult  content  as  a  young  girl.  not  to  mention  that  some  children,  regardless  of  age,  enjoy  sexual  content.  this  could  be  due  to  any  combination  of  purity  culture  demonizing  sex  and  thus  leading  to  children  obsessing  over  it,  sexual  abuse,  hypersexuality,  or  just  plain  curiosity.  unless  the  author  is  obviously  just  perving  on  their  child  character,  i  don't  see  anything  wrong  with  depicting  real  people.

if  there  is  one  aspect  of  espen’s  character  that  i  dislike,  it’s  noor’s  treatment  of  his  sexuality. 

it’s  important  to  note  that  she  is  asexual  and  i  am  not,  so  please  take  this  with  a  grain  of  salt,  but  i  always  found  it  odd  that  she  picked  a  character  she  knew  many  people  had  headcanoned  to  be  lesbian/asexual  and  then  purposefully  reworked  them  to  be  a  horndog  straight  man.

she  ranted  about  how  you  shouldn't  solely  headcanon  characters  who  are  cold/unemotional  as  ace,  which  i  agree  with,  and  it's  fine  that  her  elsa  isn't  queer,  but  explicitly  making  them  interested  in  sexual  content  because  she  disliked  the  asexual  headcanons is…?  i  understand  she  was  hoping  to  demonstrate  how  stoic  characters  can  still  be  sexual,  but  straight  sexuality  is  the  norm.  purity  culture  is  it’s  own  separate  discussion  but  even  then,  it  has  always  been  acceptable  for  a  man  to  be  horny.  instead,  if  she  yearns  for  good  asexual  headcanons,  shouldn't  she  be  the  first  to  write  the  princes  as  asexual?  only  jasmir  is  on  the  aspec  spectrum,  but  i  don't  think  his  queerness  is  properly  explored  in  canon.  yes,  his  trauma  from  sexualization  is  discussed,  but  i  don't  believe  his  subsequent  disinterest  in  romance  and  sex  receives  the  same  amount  of  attention  (admittedly,  i  may  be  wrong  about  this.)  otherwise,  creel  is  the  only  other  ace  character,  and  i  don't  think  any  of  the  characters  from  mc’s  hometown  are  significant  enough  to  count as  meaningful  representation.

imo,  the  easiest  solution  would  be  to  introduce  anna,  the  character  whose  life  was  saved  by  platonic  love,  as  asexual  instead.  anna,  who  is  fiery,  passionate,  and  a romantic,  is  an  excellent  example  of  how  you  can  be  asexual  while  still  holding  love  in  your  heart.  it  would  also  be  far  less  infuriating  if  anton  already  had  a  complex  relationship  with  love  and  sexuality,  rather  than  having  him  be  lectured  about  how  society  should  allow  men  and  women  to  be  friends.  way  to  go  girl,  you  really  cured  anna’s  crippling   loneliness  from  becoming  an  orphan  and  being  isolated  from  her  remaining  family  (fuck  mc,  all  my  homies  hate  mc.)

[genderkoolaid]

I'm sorry but you people have demeaned the word lesbian so badly... the LITERAL definition of a lesbian is a NON-MAN who likes NON-MEN. How is that so fucking hard to understand? Not you specifically, but people like you have made it into something it's not; the whole "bi lesbian" and "straight lesbian" shit, saying trans men can date lesbians (which is literally just transphobic), straight up just saying lesbians can date men???? MEN???? DO YOU NOT HEAR YOURSELVES?

And now the whole butch discourse lmao. Sure, maybe in days long past it was a broader term, but today when someone hears the word butch, I can guarantee their minds will jump to a butch lesbian. If y'all want it to be the GBT community so bad then just say so

Also I can guarantee that you were one of the mfs laughing at lesbians who used he/him or he/they pronouns back in 2020 lmao performative ass bitch

Definitions of words do not descend from Heaven straight from the lips of God. We make them up! So I simply disagree with your definition of lesbian, as do many others. Personally, I enjoy the definition of "queer love/desire for women." For one, it centers lesbianism around women, instead of centering it around the exclusion of men. And two, "non-men loving non-men" is a definition which utterly erases nonbinary people. If an agender person is dating a neutrois person, they are not lesbians- or gay men- simply because y'all cannot get your head out of your binary asses for five seconds. "Non-men loving non-men" is a definition that attempts to be nonbinary-inclusive but only succeeds in making nonbinary & genderqueer identities palatable for radical feminism and political lesbianism. Honestly, I would prefer someone who defines lesbian as "woman loving woman" but understands that many people have complex relationships with womanhood while still feeling attached to the label of lesbian, than someone who uses this "NB-inclusive" definition and goes absolutely feral over genderqueers who are Doing It Wrong.

Anyways, speaking of radical feminism: acknowledging male lesbians and mspec lesbians is not "making lesbianism something its not." It is just recognizing the beautiful complexity that has always existed within lesbianism.

The lesbian community- which I'm using to refer to all kinds of communities organized around queer relationships to women & womanhood- has always been a haven for a lot more people than cis women exclusively into other cis women. The idea of sexuality-as-identity is very recent, and the idea of drawing a hard line between people who only like people of the same gender and people who like the same gender and more is also extremely recent. Beyond that, trans men and nonbinary people have always taken shelter under lesbianism. "Butch" in the context of lesbianism has always been a trans* identity, a way for people with a queer gender to find community and safety.

The reason why we have this idea of lesbianism as a strict category with hard borders is..... you guessed it..... radical feminism! And specifically "political lesbianism," which essentially placed woman-only relationships as the only true feminist relationship you could have. "Lesbian" became a political identity because of its focus on woman-woman relationships. But that meant that, for political lesbianism to be acceptable to radical feminism, it needed to conform to radical feminist beliefs about what makes a good feminist. Which meant:

No trans women or fems (because they are too male and probably predators)

No trans men or mascs (because they are too male and also traitors)

No bisexuals (because they are too male by association and are also traitors)

No penetrative sex, or at least no strap ons (because it imitates men)

No kinky sex (see above but with bonus "kink is evil" flavoring)

No butch/femme roles (because they imitate heterosexuality; everyone has to be neutrally androgynous).

I believe that much of modern lesbian discourse comes from trying to marry lingering radfem beliefs with modern attempts at trans-inclusivity. So you adapt the blatant transphobia: now, trans women are allowed in (as long as they are palatable to cis women), because they're women! And nonbinary people can also be allowed in- at first they were woman-aligned, and then later as long as they weren't man-aligned. Being butch/femme is Back In Style, but we have to soothe the gender anxiety that butches cause by assuring everyone that only True Lesbians can be butch, and butches are always women, even if they kind of aren't, but regardless they're definitely not men, because butch has always been a lesbian term (except it hasn't.) The discourse is haunted by the ideas that lesbianism is constantly under attack, more than anyone else, and that lesbian culture is unique and special and must be guarded from (male/-aligned) invaders who are probably also sexual predators.

To say that this is all just "days long pasts" ignores both that, in physical queer spaces there very much still are male lesbians and bi lesbians who are accepted parts of their local communities, and that you only see those days as "long past" because of the impact of radical feminism on lesbianism. The only reason you see these changes as a good thing is because you've swallowed radical feminist ideas without realizing it.

Also, "if you say butch most people will think of butch lesbians" is an extremely silly argument. Literally who fucking cares. If you say "man" there are still a lot of people who will immediately think of exclusively cis men (see: every feminist who says shit like "if men could get pregnant). Does that mean that trans men should just give up their identities because other people don't understand them? You dork?

Anyways. The funniest part of this ask is how damn confident you are that I was apparently hating on he/him lesbians three years ago. Idk how to tell you this but I'm a boygirl gaylesbianbisexual and have identified this way for years. I have been personally terrorized by shitty lesbian identity politics, the same ones you are repeating now, which told me that if I was even 1% male then identifying as a lesbian made me a disgusting predator. Which caused me years of suffering because no matter how hard I tried, I could not ignore my multigenderedness and how that affected my sexuality. Sowwy but you look silly as hell and your argument is bad and you should feel bad </3

[freckliedan]

“why is the possibility of transness something dan needs to be defended from, anyways? it's a compliment and we know dan takes it that way.” god thank you i am so glad you’re back. it pisses me off so bad how much people fundamentally misunderstand dan and BIG. as if he hasn’t mentioned gender at least 10 times this year. as if he hasn’t reiterated multiple times how it was thanks to his audience that he accepted himself as queer and was able to come out. as if he doesn’t love trans people and would never take offense at other trans people seeing themselves in him even if he is cis. i genuinely don’t get people who think it’s less harmful to be adamant that he’s a cis gay man experimenting with self expression like i promise you the line between that and transness is not that thick

mwah ily anon i'm always glad to wade back into the trenches 💛

you're literally so right w all of this but i'm especially seconding that the line between cis gay man experimenting w gender identity and transness being thinner than people think. it's so fucking real and i wish people held more room for that in their hearts.

sometimes a person's experience with gender is such that they need to figure out their sexuality and what it means to them and for them before being able to look at gender and people don't like. get that. sometimes a lesbian figures out they're a lesbian and only after that also figures out they're nonbinary and transmasc. the same can be true for gay men.

and some people only accept & understand it for transmasc lesbians rather than understanding that that doesn't only exist for lesbians. and that's fully due to unexamined transmisogyny.

there are so many lesbians and gay men alienated from binary womanhood or manhood to the point that they keep their sexuality but identify away from their assigned gender completely! there's so many of us with gender identities that seem mutually exclusive with our sexualities but aren't because we just. exist. contradictory and complex gender identities exist.

like. the underlying assumptions people approach dan gender conversations with are so hostile towards people with nonbinary identities like mine that i'm not willing to talk about myself here.

and it makes me crazy. because people constantly say "you're deciding for dan what his label is" or like "you're claiming specifics" while simultaneously firmly labeling dan as cis. and every single dan gender poster i know is saying "isn't it beautiful that dan could be anything, even cis and gnc?"

we're just commenting on probabilities. none of us are claiming sure knowledge.

and i really think trying to deny that dan is exploring gender expression at the very least is laughably impossible at this point.

[televised-uhhh-nerdistry]

Cartoon rec of the week:

Craig of the Creek

I haven't seen enough people talking about the show, so I'm mentioning it here. Absolute 10/10 cartoon. Just three kids, running 'round, making friends, running their own semi-sustainable community in the forest (there are some concerns about how much trash they leave there but ultimately they're better than most adults). Literally such a dream. they encourage each other to be emotionally healthy and they protect each other from "danger". Like they'll help each other achieve their dreams as they come (and new dreams show up pretty often because they're young kids).

And they're so funny! Like genuinely these kids are so earnest and intelligent and incredibly humorous and full of heart! They have full lives and they live them to the fullest out in nature after school, on the weekends, and in the summer. It's one of the best representations of found family I have ever seen in a cartoon, and I absolutely love it.

Also several of the writers behind the show are POC and queer (I think the head writers are all Black but I could be wrong), so you know that it was written well and the representation is awesome like I know that it should absolutely go without saying, but representation is much more than just showing BIPOC people on screen, and in terms of cartoons I haven't seen that many shows understanding that fact except maybe the Proud Family, Fat Albert, and a few others whose names will return to me once I've taken my ADHD meds. But the point is that Craig of the Creek gets it right. Most of the characters throughout the show (from what I've seen) are BIPOC, and you can tell that there are caring nods to BIPOC communities (primarily Black American communities), and more than that, that the writers know what they're talking about and are deeply familiar with and are a part of those communities. Craig, the titular character, is a young Black boy, and his family are middle class and ultimately very successful Black people. Kelsey (one of the main characters) is Jewish and Polish, and written with more complexity than having a one and done Hanukah celebration. The Creek's main business, a trading post, is run by Kit, a young Black girl with a love for economy and business. And many other characters are racial or ethnic minorities as well, and it warms my heart to see these characters done justice time and time again.

There's great subtle queer rep too, and you can tell it wasn't written just for the sake of representation, like it was thought out and intentional, and it worked beautifully. There are queer witches, and there are no labels applied to them, they're just allowed to exist with no explanations, happily in love with one another. There's a non-binary character later in the series (I'm only like 10 episodes in so I haven't met them yet but I've read amazing things about them). Kelsey also apparently identifies as a lesbian later in the series (I say "apparently" because I haven't done much reading so as to avoid spoilers, not because I am discounting her identity). On top of that, JP (one of the main characters) has a sister who is dating another girl.

There's also a significant amount of body positivity in the show, at least far than I've seen elsewhere. Not only do they openly say "all bodies are beautiful" and follow up on that by defending one another, there's also very little need to defend one another, because there's a very unspoken and deep respect in the Creek for things like body type, skin colour, disabilities, and so on. The kids of the creek, and their grown ups, are all different body types, and given their penchant for community and uplifting one another, it's no wonder they all seem confident in their bodies.

Not to mention the disability representation. There is a character later on in the series who is Black and deaf, and he not only speaks in Sign Language, but in Black American Sign Language. In addition, though unconfirmed, many of the kids in the creek embody aspects of various neurotypes. For example, the three main characters, Craig, Kelsey, and JP all come across as neurodivergent, with special interests, neurodivergent ways of thinking, and so on. Some have speculated that JP has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, which is a disability often comorbid with ADHD. Not to mention that all the kids in the creek embody different special interests, most of which would be considered weird or frowned upon in everyday society, but that are given the opportunity to shine and flourish in the Creek's accepting culture.

Take the Horse Girls for example, a small clique of girls who roleplay as horses in a pasture near the Creek, and of course many of their behaviours are played as jokes, but ultimately they are accepted and involved in many adventures because of their unique interests and abilities which are ultimately how they aid the rest of the Creek. Every kid is a useful and accepted part of the Creek, with the exception of the ranger scout kids, who are essentially the same as cops, who are often exploitative, rude, and disruptive to the community as a whole.

Ultimately, the show is one of love, friendship, community, and acknowledging differences as a natural and helpful part of life. On top of that, it's not copaganda! What more could you want?

[jadedbirch]

Girls don't want boys; girls want to battle ancient gods to the death!

My friends, the time has finally come for me to review the entire Burning Kingdom's trilogy by Tasha Suri. I've mentioned it before in my rec list of queer historical novels, but that was before I completed The Lotus Empire, the last book in the series. And now I can say with conviction: Tasha Suri is the only writer out there who truly understands love and romance and WHAT SAPPHICS WANT. 🙌🏻

To back up, the Burning Kingdom's story takes place in the imaginary kingdom of Parijatvipa (a reimagining of South East Asia/India with a lot of magical realism flowing through its veins). One of our heroines, Malini, is a princess who has been told all her life by the clergy and her younger brother the Emperor that her destiny is sacrificial immolation. Our second heroine, Priya, is a priestess in the ancient and mystical temple of the Hirana, where for centuries Temple Elders and Temple Children have worshipped the Yaksa (ancient nature divinity spirits that were supposedly destroyed at the end of the Age of Flowers). Their love story begins when Malini is sent by her brother to repent at the Hirana for her unwillingness to be burned alive and Priya is assigned to be her servant/guard.

The trilogy follows the two women as they clash against each other like waves, or like two powerful tornadoes that destroy everything in their path. Their love might be easier if one of them was softer, but what makes Priya and Malini such a power couple, is that they're both incredible badasses with spines of steel and nerves of fire. The stakes cannot be higher and only keep rising. It starts out as one Princess vs The Patriarchy, and ends with Gods vs Nature, Humans vs. Gods, and Sapphic Love Conquering All. I feel it is very important to let everyone know that the trilogy has a very satisfying ending, despite the many devastating and heart-breaking twists and turns along the way.

While this trilogy is incredibly Girl Power and is full of countless badass lady characters, I must say that one of the reasons I enjoy Tara Suri as a writer is because she also understands how to write good male characters from the female gaze perspective. Sure, some of the men in this book are horrid villains, but then she gives us truly complex and good boys like Rao (I would die for Rao), Aditiya, Jeevan, Ganam, and Rukh along the way.

This series is really riveting and never stops delivering. We get really wonderful gay/lesbian solidarity. We get so much great ladies supporting ladies content (Bechdel test? LOL Tasha Suri straight blows right past it into a different dimension of female solidarity.) We get hot girl on girl under the waterfall action. We get gorgeous rumination on the nature of faith and sacrifice. But most importantly, we get two very deeply flawed women who love each other so powerfully and so beautifully that their love literally reshapes the world.

I am begging everyone to drop whatever they're doing and read this series. It's really up there for me as some of the Best Gay Shit Ever.