#ooooh im so scared

[whalerrat]

also shoutout to the magnus protocol for choosing to store Important Spooky Documents in the Least Secure way possible. at least you had to physically acquire the archives cassette tapes. someones gonna go in there and just. delete their windows 95 horror classifications for fun. sam's going to get doxxed

[jazzzzzzhands]

UWWAAAAA thank you thank you guys!! i know this isnt a lot really in the grand scheme, but its a lot to me!! im very sentimental about it actually QwQ ive been under-the-radar for just oh so long (8 years on tumblr!!) and just throwing my art out anyways because i love it! ((If i am my only fan, so be it!!)) But lately to be having my art be loved and shared?? it makes me want to draw more! to play more! to get better and try new things!! Im so sorry i did not prepare a special art for this occasion! but i will let you know that i am making something... very special!!!

shhh i'm cooking!!

[shimano-futoshi]

[girl-bateman]

I love those pictures of girls playing professional poker and chess. The vibes are just there, you know? The vibes are vibing.

[confetti-critter]

I hope haunted house actors aren't annoyed when ppl aren't scared and instead just giggle cuz that's my experience with haunted houses and I'm going to a couple next sunday

[l00katthesky]

,,,,,,

[proustianrevelry]

Diversity win: just got a targeted ad in Arabic

[les4elliewilliams]

Ellie is away... // e.w

chapter 1 – 2002, Senior year High school

a/n: helooo:)) okay so this is my first series and first time actually writing something, i'm aware its not the best but its just for fun so idrc. im new to tumblr and i'm still trying to figure everything out so, reblogs and comments are highly appreciated. this is based off the game emily's away. also i know youtube wasn't really a thing back in 2002 but for my own sake, please, lets pretend it was. wc/cw: 1.6k. swearing, mention of drugs (just ellie saying she wants to get high) loser!ellie(??) don't know but anyways they're both simps but too scared to make a move on each other. no smut but still MDNI.

summary: a time before skype and facebook, windows xp just came out and Windows Messenger was the thing of the moment. you just got a new computer to chat with your friends

➥ part two

since windows xp came out everyone's been talking about this new instant message thing that lets you chat with your friends, everyone had it, your friends, your whole school had made an account on it, hell even your teachers used it, everyone except you and that was because you didn't even own a computer in the first place. you've begged and begged your parents until they got you one, you didn't care what kind of computer it was, even the cheapest and the shittiest worked for you as long as you could chat with your friends it was safe to say that they bullied you into getting one you made an account and signed in, typing in the search bar their weird usernames to add them to your 'friends list'. you made sure to write all their usernames down on a piece of paper before you rushed home, Ellie even had to explain to you how to do it. you picked a random icon for your profile and tried your best to pick a not so stupid and childish username who thought that picking a username for your account would be so hard? shit, you swore you probably spent more time picking a user than on your math problems and you weren't even that good in math.

you made sure to include your name in it so that your friends would recognize you and not freak out when they saw a friend request from a certain somebody

dinathedrummer ⇨ friend request sent.

jessescool ⇨ friend request sent.

brickmaster ⇨ friend request sent.

now you just had to wait until they accepted your request. meanwhile you just navigated on the internet, trying to learn a thing or two about your new computer, it was so odd but addictive.

you nearly jump when you hear a sound coming from your computer and something popping up in the right corner of your screen

brickmaster has accepted your friend request!

you eagerly click on it and it immediately leads you to the chat, your fingers aggressively hitting the keycaps almost too enthusiastic to chat with your friend Ellie (as if you don't see her daily)

brickmaster has signed in.

ynshere: Ellll!!! hiii

brickmaster: aboutt freaking time ynshere: right ynshere: but hey ynshere: better later than never, right?

brickmaster: yeah yeah brickmaster: nice icon by the way brickmaster: so, whats up??

ynshere: nothing really, just talking to you ynshere: what are you up to?

brickmaster: nothin, just listening to music :)

ynshere: ew what's that

brickmaster: rude brickmaster: it's called smiley face brickmaster: i really gotta teach you everything don't i?

ynshere: shut up ynshere: i know what it's called, i'm not stupid

brickmaster: you sure about that?

ynshere: positive :P

brickmaster: ooooh brickmaster: look at yn go

ynshere: shut it ynshere: so what are you listening to? ynshere: your depressing music again?

brickmaster: you're one to talk brickmaster: my grandma got the same music taste as you brickmaster: even Joel got better taste than you

ynshere: okay and

brickmaster: and you'd be nothing without me brickmaster: let me educate you brickmaster: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vabnZ9-ex7o

ynshere: not bad

brickmaster: told you brickmaster: it's one of my favorite

ynshere: not that good either

brickmaster: now you're just being delusional brickmaster: remind me why we're friends again

ynshere: because i'm great and you love me

brickmaster: don't know about that

ynshere: and because i let you copy my homework every single day

brickmaster: yep, that's the one

ynshere: i hate you Williams

brickmaster: sorry can't hear you over my depressing music

ynshere: i hope Joel takes your computer away again

brickmaster: oh hell no brickmaster: it took me 2 weeks to get it back brickmaster: you have no idea of what i had to do to get it back

ynshere: lmao now i really wanna know

brickmaster: had to spend time with him hiking and watching action movies with him brickmaster: i even had to help out the neighbor, take care of his garden and all that shit, even take care of his goddamn dog (nothing against the pup he was such a good boy) but still brickmaster: he's so against technology he really expects us to live like dinosaurs and those primitive dudes

ynshere: lol yeah my mum's the same way ynshere: are you going to Jesse's party tonight?

brickmaster: of course i'm going brickmaster: his parties are always fun brickmaster: and i really wanna get high tonight brickmaster: are you?

ynshere: well if you’re going i am too ynshere: it’s crazy we’re already having end of school parties

brickmaster: dude brickmaster: can't wait for highschool to be over

ynshere: ahh same here ynshere: i'm so over this school

brickmaster: yeah same brickmaster: you know Cat from our math class? brickmaster: she won’t stop messaging me brickmaster: we've been messaging for days

ynshere: what does she want?

brickmaster: nothin she just wants to talk brickmaster: she said she thinks i'm cool brickmaster: like i don't know that already

ynshere: you're so damn cocky ynshere: you ain't even cool

brickmaster: what? brickmaster: jealous?

ynshere: of what? ynshere: there's nothing to be jealous of

brickmaster: cause i'm the coolest and you're just a loser

ynshere: yeah yeah keep talking ynshere: so you like like her?

brickmaster: she's pretty and all but i don't know brickmaster: too clingy

ynshere: wait ynshere: is it THAT Cat ynshere: the girl with the tattoo?

brickmaster: yep brickmaster: the one Dina hates

ynshere: oh yeah ynshere: don't like her either

brickmaster: now you're just being mean

ynshere: bitch you're the first who called her clingy

brickmaster: i was describing her

ynshere: and i was just telling you how i feel about her

brickmaster: uh oh someone’s mad

ynshere: you're making me regret getting a computer in the first place

brickmaster: i'm kidding i'm kidding brickmaster: you're just so easy to mess with

ynshere: uh huh ynshere: fuckk just one more month to graduation brickmaster: man don't remind me brickmaster: we're getting old brickmaster: did you pick a school yet?

ynshere: didn’t get accepted into my reach school :( ynshere: so i'm just going to one of the others ynshere: i don't mind though, anything’s better than high school. where are you gonna go?

brickmaster: aw man i'm sorry, i remember you telling me how bad you wanted to get into that school brickmaster: going to art school :)

ynshere: yeah makes sense ynshere: you always liked drawing after all ynshere: and you're also very talented

brickmaster: thank you brickmaster: took me some time to convince Joel but eventually he gave in ynshere: i'm glad he did ynshere: would've been a waste of talent ynshere: i still have the drawing you made for me two years ago  :) brickmaster: lol really?? brickmaster: i wasn't even that good back then but i got better

ynshere: dude you joking right ynshere: it's literally so accurate and you even managed to make me look pretty

brickmaster: lol i'm serious brickmaster: i can do so much better now brickmaster: maybe i should draw you again sometime

ynshere: i mean i am an excellent muse so why not

brickmaster: totally brickmaster: can't believe you kept it

ynshere: of course i did, it's so pretty ynshere: no one has ever made me a drawing before lol

brickmaster: glad to be your first ;)

ynshere: god that thing is horrendous

brickmaster: you literally used it a few minutes ago

ynshere: maybe Joel was right ynshere: technology really is bad for you ynshere: are you starting to see things, Williams?

brickmaster: oh please brickmaster: this is why no one likes you

ynshere: seriously though ynshere: you promise to be there for me even if we won't see each other everyday? ynshere: you're my best friend i don't wanna lose you  :(

brickmaster: shut up you're literally one of my best friends brickmaster: nothing could ever keep me from talking to you brickmaster: who’s gonna annoy you when i leavee

ynshere: right ynshere: i’d be miserable without you ynshere: asshole

brickmaster: here we go with the pet names again brickmaster: stop flirting its working on me

ynshere: see what i mean ynshere: i could never go without all this ynshere: you're like one of the few people who made high school tolerable

brickmaster: same goes for you stupid brickmaster: you made it fun

ynshere: i know ynshere: who's miserable without me now?

brickmaster: shut up you dork brickmaster: Dina’s coming over in a few so we can head to the party together

ynshere: alright so i'll see you two there?

brickmaster: yep i'll see you there brickmaster: think Cat is gonna be there too? brickmaster: what if she wants to hang out with us

ynshere: don't know El ynshere: she’ll definitely be there ynshere: you don't want her around?

brickmaster: i mean, i don't know brickmaster: i don't wanna be a prick

ynshere: you are a prick ynshere: just tell her you're not interested

brickmaster: yeah i think i will brickmaster: or i could just avoid her, she’ll get the hint, right?

ynshere: or you could just tell her ynshere: why so scared?

brickmaster: i just don't wanna be mean and hurt her i guess brickmaster: but it's whatever. i'll tell her i don't like her that way brickmaster: it's better than leading her on

ynshere: mhm ynshere: look at you being mature

brickmaster: shut up brickmaster: shit, Dina’s here brickmaster: see you soon?

ynshere: see you soon ;)

brickmaster: oh look you just did it again

ynshere is away. brickmaster: of course you'd do that. brickmaster is away.

¡! daily click・palestine masterpost・do not buy any game from naughty dog, neil druckmann is a zionist・more daily clicks. ¡!

[fandomwonderer]

Evidence of Pearlina PT. 1

Otherwise known as a masterlist of every queer interaction between Pearl Hōzuki and Marina Ida

Pearl: Because the knight is all the better? He feels like he’s fighting to protect everyone

Marina: Ehehe, then I’ll be a witch because I’ll be protected by senpai!

Authors note: in the Japanese version of the game she refers to Pearl as the honorific of ‘Senpai’

Source: Witch Vs Knight Splatfest dialogue Japan

—————————————————————————————————————

Dialogue: “what is the best gift you’ve ever received?”

Pearl: The chance to meet Marina

Source: Exclusive Japanese Inkpolife Magazine interview

—————————————————————————————————————

Pearl: Marina! What’s the appeal of using a brella on this stage?

Marina: protecting my precious pearlie at all costs!

Source: Assorted Stage dialogue English version

—————————————————————————————————————

Pearl:You know I love you.

Marina: I'm so happy right now

Pearl: It's me and you against the universe.

Source: Chaos Vs Order Post-splatfest dialogue

—————————————————————————————————————

Marina: What? Acht, come on! You can’t seriously be hitting on Pearl in front of me

Source: Splatoon 3 Side order DLC assorted dialogue

—————————————————————————————————————

Pearl: Ooooh. Marina Look how the Ferris wheel flashes and sparkles!!

Marina: But it doesnt compare to your eyes!

Source: Assorted Stage dialogue English version

—————————————————————————————————————

Pearl: She's the DJ. Im the rapper is what

I'm saying. Cap! What don't you get about this??

Source: Splatoon 2 DLC Octo Expansion Chatlogs

—————————————————————————————————————

Marina: Anyway. I know we talk a lot of smack on the show and all. but I just wanted to say thanks. For everything.

Source: Splatoon 2 DLC Octo Expansion Chatlogs

—————————————————————————————————————

Pearl: I suddenly slide out of the wall with my Dualies! Pew pew pew pew!

Marina: You're too cute when you're hiding in the wall!

Source: Assorted Stage dialogue Japanese version

—————————————————————————————————————

Marina: You're so adorable,Pearl

Source: Assorted Stage dialogue English version

—————————————————————————————————————

Marina: Watch out, Inkopolis! Here comes my Pearlie!

Source: Assorted Stage dialogue Spanish version

—————————————————————————————————————

Pearl:Sorry... I mean, I always knew you were different, even if we never talked about it. I always figured...you know... with the jokes and stuff...


Marina: never knew how to talk to you about it. Do you think...


Marina: Do you think I'll still be welcome in Inkopolis? Once everyone knows I'm an Octoling?


Pearl: ARE YOU KIDDING? Of course you will! everyone loves you!


Marina: Thanks, Pearlie. ;__;


Pearl: OK stop it with the waterworks before I change my mind

Source: Splatoon 2 DLC Octo Expansion Chatlogs

—————————————————————————————————————

Marina: Haha, remember when we first met, Pearl? I had just come to the surface, and I didn't understand Inkopolis at all. You taught me everything I needed to know.

Pearl: LOL yeah. I remember thinking you were some country bumpkin when we first met on Mt. Nantai.

Marina:I went to Mount Nantai every day for a week, just hoping you would show up again.


Pearl: Bahaha yeah, I thought you were a stalker. I remember you singing when I showed up and then out of nowhere you were all like "LET'S START A BAND!"


Marina: I just had a feeling about you. I guess it worked out, cause look at us now!

Source: Splatoon 2 DLC Octo Expansion Chatlogs

—————————————————————————————————————

Pearl: They're a pain but not really scary. Fighting Marina in that first tower was WAY scarier.

Marina: What?! R-really?

Pearl: Obviously! Wondering if you were stuck that way forever, never going back to normal... I was scared!

Source: Splatoon 3 Side order DLC assorted dialogue

—————————————————————————————————————

Marina: can't help it! Pearl's just too precious. She's fearless at the core and adorable on top!

Source: Splatoon 3 Side order DLC assorted dialogue

—————————————————————————————————————

Pearl: Yeah! Our world tour finished without a hitch, but we haven't gotten that "us time" I promised! I wanna get this over with so we can go have some REAL fun.

Source: Splatoon 3 Side order DLC assorted dialogue

Other:

• Pearl is portrayed as very handsome and knowledgeable, similar to shōjo love interests when drawn by Marina (Dear Pearl Manga)

•A large amount of sparkles and flower petals are present in almost every panel that features Pearl that Marina Draws (Dear Pearl Manga)

•At the end of the manga, it is revealed that Marina is writing a confession letter to Pearl, which likely contains the title in its greeting. Alternatively, the manga as a whole may be intended as a love letter to Pearl (Dear Pearl Manga)

•Marina: "[she is] so small...but [she is] so big." In the panels showing the letter that Marina is writing, she muses about wanting to shout out "these feelings [for Pearl]"(Dear Pearl Manga)

•In the Japanese version of the Splatoon Base website, Marina was labeled as a "maiden in love" in her feelings towards Pearl (Dear Pearl Manga)

•They both refer to each other by nicknames such as “Pearlie” and “Rina”

•Hisashi Nogami stated that the final Splatfest was not based on Pearl vs. Marina because unlike the Squid Sisters, who had a form of a rivalry between them, Off the Hook is based on Pearl and Marina being together, with their bond being the strongest part of them.

•in Side Order, where Marina frequently uses heart emojis when speaking about Pearl in her dev diaries and compares herself to a "storybook princess" at the top of a tower who "brave Pearl" must rescue.

•after hearing the Squid Sisters sing the Calamari Inkantation. According to witnesses, her only comment was "This changes everything." She escaped to Mount Nantai, even though she didn't know a word of the Inkling language. While there, she met an Inkling named Pearl, who was practicing singing. Growing on each other, Pearl then taught Marina about Inkling culture and customs. After this, Marina came back to Mount Nantai every day for two weeks, hoping to find Pearl again. When she did, she showed Pearl her musical abilities through her demo of Ebb & Flow and Pearl immediately agreed to them starting a band that they decided to call Off the Hook. (Splatoon 2 DLC Octo Expansion chat logs)

•When discussing with Cuttlefish about Marina's technological achievements, Pearl finally discovered her history as a member of the Octarian army, and despite being deeply shocked, she promised to remain friends with her. (Splatoon 2 DLC Octo Expansion chat logs)

This is just the text based evidence. Tumblr has a ten image limit so I plan to attach those in a different post. I am making this for those who try to deny the queer aspect of Pearl and Marina’s relationship. Please feel free to DM or reblog with additional evidence that can be added, and if possible please attach the source. They will be added if I can validate the information as authentic. The rest of the information can be found under the tag #pearlina evidence masterlist

[enha-sua]

(🔴) ... [ NOW PLAYING ] [ENGENE-MADE] A-Z WITH SUA !

( a is for... ) at this point *tsk* i don't even know man , it's just at this point really

( b is for... ) boynextdoor *winks* listen to their song , it's a good song to skip down the street and disassociate from life.

( c is for... ) crab? jay i am allergic to crab , are you trying to take me out of this earth , what's your beef with me.

( d is for... ) don't you value the air , you like life right , then unhand my phone jake.

( e is for... ) *falls out of chair , gets up like nothing happened* "eh , i've had worse happened to me before."

( f is for... ) forget it , im getting the shoes , will deal with the consequences later.

( g is for... ) goddammit *looks at the staff* who said that *she's alone*

( h is for... ) have you seen my fake nail , im gonna try and glue it back on , i gotta get my moneys worth.

( i is for... ) i could've been a neurosurgeon had i not taken the idol role... think about that , i could've been holding a knife as a job *everyone is silently praying*

( j is for... ) *jungwon asking her to translate* jungwon my love , i am not the right person for this job , i can barely speak korean.

( k is for... ) karma is the best song on the album *check the comments* why are you guys booing me in the comments.

( l is for... ) love triangles bring me so much stress *literally sitting in between heeseung and sunghoon the biggest love triangle in kpop*

( m is for... ) maybe i am the problem... yeah it's definitely me.

( n is for... ) no , i simply don't want to do it , and you can't make.

( o is for... ) *randomly when it's quite* ooooh eeee like karma-a-a

( p is for... ) *screams at the top of her lungs* PARK SUNGHOON *sunghoon is scared* "can you get that"

( q is for... ) quite , im looking for my airpod and i can't think.

( r is for... ) *ni-ki talking while she's driving* ri-ki i will crash this car if i don't focus , calm down.

( s is for... ) so what you're saying is that you hate me , wow after all we've been through *all heeseung said was no*

( t is for... ) take my photo sunghoon *gets photo back* did you take it with a refrigerator, this is terrible.

( u is for... ) uhhh im not sure if i can answer that without legal liability.

( v is for... ) vote for me best enhypen member.

( w is for... ) what the hell *everyone is shock* what , i didn't say nothing

( x is for... ) xoxo <3 *thinks for a second* somi baby please come back i miss you

( y is for... ) *reads a mean comment* you hate my voice?? i mean you can turn off the live , im the one who has to live with it so.

( z is for... ) zero intellectual thoughts in there , just marbles and vibes.

©️ENHA-SUA

[sparrow-the-tired-lesbian]

MY THOUGHTS on Episode Three

Ooooh Victorian era Lokius?

OB MY BABY

B15 MY WIFE

CASEY SWEETHEART

…I really have to pee, but I can’t pause this

Fuck it I’m going to pee

Oooh old timey marvel theme

I really want those Loki trading cards I saw at Target today…

RAVONNA MY BELOVED

I hate her but I love her

MINUTES?!

what is Miss Minutes up to?

Minutes is kinda funny

Timely was a… candlemaker?

OUROBOROS WROTE THAT GUIDEBOOK

why the ominous music? Mid season interesting stuff?

OB!!!

Baby it’s alright you’re doing great you’re so smart I’m so proud of you

I’m so happy that he’s important

Haha memories

Horsey!

Wait

Loki and a horse

Oh no

OMG THEYRE SO CUTE TOGETHER IN THEIR VICTORIAN GETUP

Mobius is so excited about the World’s Fair it’s adorable

Why is the ghost clock haunting the midway what the hell is happening

I would’ve been happier if Loki had enjoyed the Cracker Jack

AWWW HE NOTICED THE POPCORN ON MOBIUS’S CHIN THATS SO CUTE

Uh oh Norse stuff

HA HE AINT EVEN UP THERE

HES SO CUTE WITH HIS BOYFRIEND

Loki do you miss your family

Is it just me or did Ravonna look that lady up and down

You just wanna drink with Loki, Mobius. 

Loki looks so anxious

HE GRABBED HIM IM DEAD

is that the loom?

Why is Timely so awkward

Loki looks so scared…

Uh oh

Does this mean that Ouroboros created the loom and Timely stole it?

Timely is so much like me tbh

He’s neurodivergent I can tell

Oh god he’s actually awesome 

I wanna put him in my pocket 

LOKIUS TOUCHES

why did they touch Ravonna 

This is a scam

He’s got a stutter… that’s lovely :)

He’s gonna bolt with the money isn’t he

You don’t wanna do that big man

Uh oh he just poofed him away

This is awkward

Oh he’s chasing him

I’m actually rooting for timely ngl

Why does this feel like an old silent film… 

You can call people on the tempads?!

WHY IS SYLVIE HERE

SYLVIE STOP IT

I WOULD ROOT FOR YOU SYLVIE BUT 

yeah Loki tell her

Is Ravonna a Lokius hater?

SYLVIE DONT

yeah listen to Loki

But Renslayer didn’t work with the TVA there

Sylvie you poor thing

This is going nowhere just throw someone off the Ferris wheel

Oh this feels like the first finale

OH GOD MINUTES

yeah Syl 

A TANDEM BIKE THIS IS AMAZING

is it weird that I kinda ship Renslayer and Timely?

Smooch you idiots!

MINUTES IS KINDA CUTE

VICTOR IS A CUTIE

WE MUST PROTECT HIM AT ALL TIMES

is Miss minutes jealous?

THE WIZARD GENTLEMAN

HIS BUTLER-

that’s not-

I wanna keep Victor in my pocket 

KACHOW

LOKI IS NOT SOMEONE YOU WANNA FUCK WITH

*saxaphone music*

HES ACKNOWLEDGING OUROBOROS! IM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW

PAPER FLOWER PAPER FLOWER PAPER FLOWER

MARRY THIS MAN

this makes very little sense but I’m ok with it.

WHO DROPPED HER?!

MINUTES?!?!?!

MISS MINUTES YOU BITCH

I don’t like this version of miss minutes

Miss minutes sounds weird right now. I don’t like the look of it. The sound of it. 

That tone of voice 

OH GOD THIS IS BAD AGAIN

Does Miss Minutes think she’s HWR’s lover?

WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE

I DONT LIKE THIS AT ALL

WHAT IS HAPPENING IM CONFUSED

WHAT IN THE FRESH HELL

KEVIN YOU HAVE A LOT TO ANSWER FOR

Ravonna please she was being manipulative

MOMMY- SORRY 

Von?!

Mobius sweetie

WHAT DID HE DO?!

Loki is about to lose his shit on Ravonna for being mean to his boyfriend

SYLVIE MY BABYGIRL

WAIT DONT DO IT BABYGIRL

Loki don’t you dare be in love 

Sylvie stab me instead

Sylvie listen to Victor please

Victor babyboy 

Sylvie stop it

OH THAT LOOK OF HURT ON HER FACE

YES BABYGIRL

IF THEY MAKE MOBIUS IN LOVE WITH RAVONNA I SWEAR TO GOD

oh two hot women battling it out in going to 

OH GOD THE-

OH JESUS SYLVIE STOP BEING HOT

OH GOD

MINUTES STOP IT

MINUTES NO

WHAT IN THE FRESH HELL WAS THAT?!

[sophsicle]

Ooooh I saw you answer that question about writing advice and became curious: do you write “original” fiction as well as fanfiction? (love that for you either way). Love your fics btw. Kill Your Darlings is my absolute jam 🥰

I do yeah!

i don't really do anything with it but it does exist!

i shared the first chapter of one of them on here a while ago i think? i can't find the post now but i'll throw it down below if you're interested! Also thank you im so glad you like kyd!!!!

Ram

I think my father made the trees without mouths on purpose. For if they could talk, all of creation would know his secrets. Of course, in the end, perhaps it is better not to know. Kinder for him to keep us in the dark. Knowing is an anchor, it will drown you. That is why, on quiet days, you will hear the distant sounds of forests weeping. 

There’s a disturbance behind me. Nothing loud or startling—a slight rustle, a breath, the scrape of a leather boot. It is subtle and that is why I do not trust it. Never trust anything that is trying to be quiet. Without thinking my hand goes to my bow, an arrow in place by the time I turn around. 

Montoya laughs, holding his arms up, mocking me. He is dark, my brother, all the way through. 

“Scared, Ram?”  

I know instantly that I did not catch him. He wanted to be found. 

“No,” I answer flatly, “just prepared.” 

Montoya laughs again, bleeding an ease that I have never been able to find myself. Perhaps it is the sort of thing that comes with age. Though when you’re thousands of years old how much difference can a few centuries make?

“Your arms must be getting tired brother,” he says casually, and it is only then that I realize my weapon is still drawn. With reluctance I lower it, returning the arrow to the quiver on my back. 

“Why are you here?” this time I cannot hide my irritation.

“I could ask you the same question.”

I give him a flat look. Of all my siblings, Montoya has always made me the most ill at ease. There’s something about his eyes that leaves me wary. They are gapping holes that you swear will swallow you up and never set you free. 

“You are a terribly dull conversationalist Ram, has anyone ever told you that?” 

I don’t take the bait.

“Tsk tsk, what would father say about these manners huh? You’ve been spending too much time amongst the trees brother, you’re starting to turn into one.”

Not all my siblings can fly. My younger sister, Cartha, has gills instead of wings, and my brother Sye hates having his feet off the ground. But most of us, in some form or another, find ourselves in the sky. Montoya’s wings are large and crow like, hardly subtle or practical, but then, neither is he. Even now they create enough wind that I can feel myself fighting not to be pushed backwards. My own wings are small and white and sprout from my ankles.  

“Well,” I say finally, “if that’s all.” I turn my back on him, a dangerous move I’ll admit, though to his credit, Montoya has never attacked the family. He did, however, kill our sister’s cat once. 

I can hear him following me, hear the beating of his great wings. The noise grates my nerves. He is insufferable and there is nothing I can do about it. Sure, I could fight him, I’m good with a bow, but in truth, my brother is stronger. Besides, a fight is what he wants. It tickles him to make me angry. That’s his whole game. 

“Why so gloomy brother?” he asks, flipping onto his back as he pulls up beside me. I have never heard him be anything but taunting and cruel. I wonder if there was a time when he was not like this, but Hario assures me that there wasn’t and she is the oldest. Still, I find it hard to believe. After all, why would father create a son so hateful?

“I’m always gloomy,” I retort, keeping my gaze forward. 

It is spring, the sun setting and lighting the sky on fire with oranges and pinks. They reach out like fingers from the horizon, as if desperate to hold onto the day. 

“Well that is certainly true. Our melancholy little Ram,” he says in a baby voice that makes me want to spear him through the throat.  

“If I am melancholy what does that make you?” 

“Jolly?” 

I cannot help myself, I laugh. The idea that anyone would describe Montoya as jolly is too much for me.

“No, you’re right,” he says, sounding not at all offended. “Jolly is perhaps too dull a word, I am witty.” 

I look at him, brow arched. “Witty,” I repeat flatly. 

He grins, or perhaps sneers is more accurate. “Certainly wittier than you.” 

“Certainly.” 

“And our dear brothers and sisters.” 

“Certainly,” I repeat, though my jaw is clenched and my nails have begun burrowing into my palms. 

“I expect that is why father holds my opinion in such high regard.” 

“Not as high as Hario's.” The small flash of anger in his eyes is satisfying, though he maintains his smile. 

Hario is undeniably our father’s favourite. In truth, she is my favourite too. I have never been very good at getting close to people, but I have always felt comfortable around her. I can speak to her, tell her things in a way I can’t tell anyone else. 

“Not as high as Hario's,” Montoya repeats, the mockery from earlier melting away, revealing something much sharper. Much more dangerous. He might play at pettiness but I know that, in reality, he is far more sinister. “For now, anyway.” 

I stop abruptly, as though an invisible wall has suddenly appeared in my way. When Montoya finally stops too, turning to face me, I see a glint in his dark eyes. He’s won. Gotten the reaction he wanted. Snuck himself under my skin.  

“What is that supposed to mean?” I demand. 

“Ooh,” he is clearly enjoying himself, “have I hit a nerve?”

When he smiles I swear he has the teeth of a wolf, and in the setting sun they sparkle. I do not know why my father made him, why he poured all his ill will into this one creation and then named it son. A common misconception is that because there are gods there must also be demons. If I am the creator of all, my father always says, why would I create evil? Yet staring at Montoya now, at his black eyes, and pointed teeth, the sky ablaze behind him, I do not struggle to understand why the humans believe in a devil. 

“Do not make idle threats brother,” I say, attempting to keep my tone level. 

I’m playing right into his hands, I know, but I’ll not have Hario threatened. Not by anyone. He smirks, eyes running me slowly up and down before he moves forward, pausing just close enough that I can smell his breath.  

“I promise you,” his voice is so quiet it’s nearly carried away by the wind, “my threats are not idle.” He pauses, before laughing. “Brother.” 

His great wings flap, disturbing the trees below us as he flies higher in the sky.

“Father wishes you to know that he was much displeased that you missed his last banquet,” Montoya shouts as he continues to rise. “If I were you, I would not miss the next one.” 

I watch as he grows fainter and fainter, becoming nothing more than a black blip in the distance. I don’t move. I’m afraid that if I do the anger in me will unleash a hurricane. Quite literally. We are, all of us, me and my brothers and sisters, in possession of an affinity for one of the four elements: air, earth, water, fire. My element is air, Montoya and Hario both master fire. 

I force myself to take in several deep breaths, stretching out my hands which have cramped from being clenched so hard. There is a rage in me that I fear, I don’t know where it comes from or why it’s there, but it sits always in the corner of my chest. I have worked my whole life to suppress it, to keep it locked up inside me so that it can never hurt anyone else. Most of the time I succeed. But Montoya brings out the worst in me. 

I take another breath, the sun is almost gone now and the sky is navy blue and made of velvet. Slowly I start moving again, without really knowing where. I dip lower to the ground so that the tops of the trees brush my skin. I run my hands through them, they are cool now that the sunlight has fled. There shouldn’t be anyone out here to catch me, I’m miles from the nearest human site, but I keep a watchful eye on the ground anyway.

I have always hated my father’s banquets, even in my first days of life. There are too many beings, too much noise, and the way they all look at me…I take no pleasure in the power my father has given me, in the authority that comes with it. The other creations stare at us, or bow, offering up gold and wine and sometimes blood. I cringe at the thought. I have never once felt worthy of the deference they show us. In fact, it makes my skin prick and itch. I am not a leader or a ruler, I never have been. I prefer to watch from a far. In truth, I have always gotten the distinct impression that I am somewhat of a disappointment to my father. 

I close my eyes and drift for a moment, letting the air hold me like a pair of arms, cradling me in the night sky. There is sweat covering my skin, it drips slowly down my arms and legs and the side of my face, sending shivers across my bones. I breathe in again, slowly, listening to my heartbeat, to the expansion of the lungs in my chest. Somewhere a dog howls and a bird cries out. Their voices are faded by distance but they linger long after they are let loose. Hanging in the air just like me. This is where I am happiest, alone in the dark.

This is where I belong.

Edward

I don’t know if my mother ever loved my father. I don’t know how she could have. But I suppose, ultimately, it’s of little consequence. She brought with her a dowry too good to refuse, one which provided the Kingdom of Presado with enough ships and gold that it could boast of having the largest naval force this side of the world. And in return, her people gained the loyalty of my grandfather, one of the greatest military commanders alive, an excellent ally. Love was hardly considered. It never is. You cannot win a war with love, you cannot build palaces or feed hungry mouths with love. So why do we persist in the belief that it is so very important to our happiness? Why do we speak of it in the context of marriage and family when we know that it is so rarely present in either of those establishments? 

I don’t know if my mother ever loved my father. But I know that I certainly didn’t. 

I usually don’t bother with such thoughts but, staring at my own wedding contract, I find them hard to avoid. They say she is beautiful, the princess who is soon to be my wife, but then, they always say that. What use have I for a beautiful wife anyway? Mistresses are chosen for their beauty, I would rather my wife be clever. 

“She’s not a fanatic is she?” I ask my advisor, Rufus, as I look up from the pages in front of me for the first time in ages. My mother laughs and I meet her eye, grinning. Rufus simply looks startled. He’s a small man, with tuffs of hair coming out of his mostly bald head, and eyes that protrude so far from his face you fear they will fall onto the floor. He is wildly clever though. He was significantly under valued by my father, probably because he is in possession of a conscience. Skittish and odd he might be, but his loyalty lies firmly with the realm. A rarity, I have found. 

“A fanatic, your Majesty?” he squeaks. “What-er-what do you mean?” 

“Oh you know,” I wave my hand impatiently. “The type who never drinks or dances or laughs. Who always has their knees bent before some alter or another. Who cannot breathe without fearing for our souls.” 

My mother is shaking her head. As a child I loved to make her laugh. It was not a difficult task, my mother, for all her heartache, is a woman with a happy disposition. 

Rufus blinks his great eyes at me. “As far as I’m aware, sire, she possesses a perfectly…adequate…level of piety.” He looks to my mother for help but finds none. 

“You are going to be the death of him, Edward,” she says instead. 

My grin widens. “Come now, it was a fair question was it not?” I turn to Rufus knowing full well that he will splutter, unsure of what to say. And he does just that. “I don’t want to be stuck with a bore now do I?” 

“There are slightly more important factors to consider here my son, as I’m sure you are aware.” 

I am. Painfully so. I must marry Princess Analeigh whether she is a humourless hag or not. As with my mother and father, the alliance is a good one, and we are too weak to survive without it right now. Still, knowing all this, I cannot help but hesitate, especially when I see my father’s handwriting on the pages before me. He orchestrated the match, wrote most of the contract himself. But however unconcerned I may appear on the outside, I have spent hours pouring over these words and, grudgingly, I can find no fault in them. 

I sigh, resigned, stretching out my hand and dipping my quill in ink. 

“You’ll sign?” Rufus sounds half-relieved and half-shocked. Clearly he expected me to be more trouble. I try to hide my amusement. I know that my reputation is that of a scoundrel. A spoiled youth who drinks and gambles and whores. They think me ignorant. They think me incapable—the great men who have gathered in this court over the years. I don’t mind. Let them underestimate me. It will make it all the easier to knock them down.

My hand hovers over the parchment, the quill threatening to drip. I look back up at my mother, she is all in black, in mourning. It doesn’t suit her. Even in death my father is controlling us. What we wear. Who we marry. 

“This is the last time,” I don’t know why I say it out loud. I suppose to make the promise feel more real. He will not pull our strings again.

“The last time, your majesty?” Rufus asks, looking between us in utter confusion. 

My attention is not on him though, my eyes locked with my mother’s. She does not even flinch. 

“Yes,” she says, knowingly. “The last time.” 

I nod, returning to the contract while Rufus’s distress continues to mount. He has missed something, he knows it, and he does not like it. Finally, I let the quill touch the parchment, my hand moving swiftly along the familiar path of my name. 

“There,” I say, feeling the opposite of relief as I lean back in my chair and push it away from me. “It’s done.” 

Not my best line, I’ll admit it, and not even true. This is only the beginning. For a moment I think I catch a glimpse of my father hovering in the corner of the room—just the tail of his robes as he storms out the door, followed by the grizzled noise of his laugh. In my memories he is always old—old and bitter. I swallow, blinking the ghost out of my eyes as I sit up straighter. I do not know if I will make a better king, but gods, I hope I make a better man. 

“Excellent,” Rufus mutters, gathering up the papers. “Excellent, excellent, I’ll deliver these to the envoy and then things can proceed.” He slides from the wooden chair, the table nearly as high as his chest and when he bows his upper half disappears completely. 

“Your majesty,” he says as he re-emerges, “with your leave…” he looks towards the door. 

“Yes, of course, go about your business Rufus.” He starts backing away before the words are even fully out of my mouth, moving so quickly that I am shocked he does not trip. After the door closes we sit in silence, my mother with her eyes on me and me with my eyes on the far wall. 

“You look worried.” 

I snort. “Do I? Oh dear, I hope I don’t start to wrinkle.” 

She smiles, but I can tell she will not be so easily placated. “Edward?” 

“Mother.” 

She arches her brow, she has the incredible ability to look at you so thoroughly you feel your skin has been taken off and your insides entirely exposed. 

I sigh, running a hand through my hair as I rise and move towards the window. It is beautiful today—spring has come and the gardens are in full bloom. How I wish I was out hunting instead of caged up in here signing away my life. 

“The church will not be happy,” I say finally. 

“The church?” my mother responds after a brief pause, “Or Addison?”

“Is there a difference?” 

Another pause. I bring my finger up to the glass and begin to trace along the lines. My family’s crest has been meticulously woven through every inch of the palace, the windows no exception. 

“He agreed to the match,” my mother says finally. 

“Yes, but he will not be pleased that I signed it without him.” 

“No,” and I think I hear the slightest hint of amusement in her voice, “he will not.” 

In the last few years of his life, my father had a change of heart in terms of religion. Since before memory the people of Presado have prayed to the Solistic Church. A religion which believes the world was created by four gods who were masters of the elements. Ignis was always my favourite, the god of fire, who watched over battles and was considered the most clever of the four. I still pray to him, though my father’s laws forbid it. The laws that are now my own. 

The trouble really began with his last campaign in the North where a large clan of nomads have claimed territory. My father dreamed of being a conquerer King, dreamed of reclaiming the deserted northern territories from the barbarians. But this turned out to be far more difficult than he expected. 

He returned from the first campaign with only a third of his men, most of whom were injured. Things did not improve from there. After five years of loses and increased violence on the border—for the nomads had begun burning the keeps of the northern lords in retaliation—the nobles pushed back. We’re done, they declared, we will send you no more support, no more troops, no more gold. They were not willing to be wiped out for the sake of one man’s glory. Even if that man was the king. 

My father responded in the only way he knew how—with violence. Executions. Most heavily levied in the North, for they were the loudest denouncers of the war, being the ones closest to the fighting. There was peace with the nomads before, the would argue, can we not return to that? So, of course, my father hung their commanders, their sons, and, sometimes, the lords themselves. In truth, we were on the brink of a civil war when Addison appeared. No one is quite sure where he came from, there had been whispers for a few years about a counter religion but no one put much store in it. Then one day he was here, at my father’s side. He promised men and money, all he wanted in return was a reformation. My father agreed. After all, what had the old gods done for him?

“Edward?” 

I jump at the sound of my name, but I don’t turn around. My fingers still pressed to the glass in front of me, through the coloured panes I can just make out the green grass and manicured trees. 

“Mother.” 

I know the face she’s making even without looking at her. Calm, refined, but with worry in her eyes. And sadness. I sometimes wonder if he put that there, my father, if before him she was all light. I hope that now that he’s gone she will be again. 

“You cannot solve all the worlds problems in a single afternoon my son.” 

I nod as I hear her rise, feel her hand squeeze my shoulder as she passes by on her way to the door. 

“I’m not trying to solve the world’s problems,” I say as I hear it close, “just ours.” 

[shirefantasies]

okay! im about to read your newest the hobbit post but i had a little question that might be hard to answer and if it is thats cool! i was just wondering how you seem to seamlessly get all the dwarves in character. even when the movies and stuff don't focus on them. It's like every time i read your works it's ALWAYS SO IN CHARACTER and it's so good but im so amazed with how you do it when the dwarves arent all focused on much. its amazing. im thinking of trying to write my own for them, similar to what you do kinda, but im scared of not getting their characterization right!

First off, I can’t wait to see what you write 🥰 if you do requests maybe I’ll shoot you one hehe

Ooooh well this is an interesting question for sure! Well characters/characterization has always been like a special interest of mine and it's an honor to hear I do it well! This is gonna be loooooooooooooooooooooooong but I kinda want to go into examples for them all hehe

So overall I'd say: Keeping period-accurate language and just their culture in mind is important. Trying to avoid too many contractions and colloquialism from our time and things like that. But for more specifics I think it's easy to fall into stereotypes, even in the movies themselves and it's sort of like a mix of leaning into those and going outside them in the right blend? But I'll explain my thought process for each of them by family cuz I wanna talk about them 🤔😆

Balin, Dwalin: Balin is one of the characters less stereotyped because his role is more prominent. He definitely serves as a guide and source of wisdom, but also has the background of being an "old warrior". He's quieter and more level-headed than some of the other more boisterous characters and I see him as being (healthily) protective in relationships because of his guiding and caring. Dwalin is also a warrior and that tends to come more forward, but he also loves good food and cares about people. He, too, is protective even if it's more of a rough way, and I think he likes the feeling of being needed and being able to take care of people even if he acts like he doesn't. That's a bit of a headcanon, but again, looking beyond stereotypes I guess hehe~

Oin, Gloin: Oin is mostly known for being the healer, maybe the hearing jokes. But he’s also a jolly soul and obviously quite intelligent too. I think he’s almost the most balanced between the raucous, axe-wielding mining dwarf stereotype and the more intellectual side not stereotyped for them… which is silly in and of itself! Oin is smart, funny, experienced…but he still knows how to fight and how to have a good time! Gloin is often seen as being similar to his son, but he has an even stronger sense of family values and loyalty as a father and husband. He also is shown to enjoy gambling and treasure, too, so I love imagining him as knowing all the most fun games and ways to bet!

Thorin, Fili, Kili: Thorin is the most serious one and I think that comes from the weight of everything falling on him. A big part of him wants to give in and trust or love people, but it's hard for him to add outsiders to that. Trust and respect are very important for him, and formalities and proof come before he opens up. But when you let him, he has some capacity for physical affection as we see when he embraces Bilbo. Literally and figuratively that shows him 'embracing' a new friendship. His family is very important for him and I think while he seems to feel it's not in the cards, I think Thorin deep down would love a family of his own. Fili and Kili both have teasing streaks and a mix of the seriousness and merriment. They feel a similar weight to Thorin but much less compounded with youth and their own personalities. It's more generational trauma that gets imposed on them. Fili has all his blades and is shown to be very loyal, but beyond that he is very self-sacrificial. He's giving and loving, surrendering seeing Erebor to be with his brother and even giving his life toward the canon end. As much as he teases, he has the best interests of those he loves in mind and will stand up for that. Kili is portrayed as the flirt, which is quite true, but he also is the most idealistic. The one who asks 'why not?' in the face of challenges. He can be a bit of a show-off, but he’s a sweetheart and had the most youthful innocence preserved.

Bifur, Bofur, Bombur: Bifur stands out for speaking mostly in signs and Khuzdul, but he’s also a strong, experienced fighter. I think his condition lends to him being lonelier and wanting to reach out and be included, hence him having such resentment toward the axe once he loses it! Kind of like Dwalin, though, he’s an interesting mix of wanting to seem tough but also being softer than he lets on inside. Bofur is jolly and loves to sing, dance, and have fun, but he’s also the biggest sweetheart. He, after all, is the one who tells Bilbo he’s a part of the group and that he belongs with them. He risks his own safety to help Kili in Laketown. I really think he’d be the sweetest with a family and honestly he’s just one of my favorites in the whole darn thing, I could go on and on! Bottom line is that Bofur is cheerful and musical, but also the first dwarf you’ll want to talk to for real, heart-filled motivation and kind words about anyone. Bombur is the most stereotyped character and I hate that due to the nature of it!!! 😤 The old ‘haha fat person obsessed with food’ trope bugs me because it’s just riddled with unfunny prejudices even though both of those things are valid and true. But weight as a joke frickin sUCKS and I say that as someone who’s been fat-shamed by someone who claimed to be my best friend, joked about how heavy I was and going to tip things over etc. But we see that Bombur is strong, a very fast runner and capable fighter whose weight can help him in a fight! The popular fanon/actors headcanon is that he’s married and the father of I believe thirteen or fourteen children and I love that for him 😌 he’s obviously more quiet, happy to stay along the sides and take orders, but one of his few focused non-caricature scenes is him returning Bifur’s axe like ‘here you go cousin 🥺’… just a goofy lil sweetheart I love. Basically he’s the one who does the cooking for the company but I try to give his quiet but big-hearted side more attention than just being like heehoo fat guy lol

Dori, Nori, Ori: Dori is always just put in his ‘mother-hen’ role, which is definitely part of his character! But also it is described by movie creators/actors that he’s known for being a few other things, like having a taste for finer things and being more on the gentle and intellectual side as well. One detail they mentioned was hence the silver case he braids his beard into 😆 but I think of him as being softer and more well-read as well as being one of the obviously most family-oriented. Nori gets the sort of swashbuckling thief reputation and tbh, I see it! I also often characterize him as a tease, which I think is part of why the film notes/actors mention he drives Ori crazy lol. Ori himself is usually portrayed with his writing and drawing in focus as well as the fanon that he knits! I love him for being more sweet and polite, but also with the little moments of showing his strength and rougher side. And sometimes he just feels like he has to keep up with everyone else 🥺 In general I see him being the sweetest in relationships even if he is the least mature. Also probably second to Dori in terms of preferring comforts.

Bilbo: Home is obviously a big motif for Bilbo because he’s such a homebody in the beginning and rediscovers his love for adventure. A big part of his character, then, is realizing people can be home and there is more than one definition. He’s also a bit shy and awkward being so introverted as he is, so if he doesn’t know how to say something that’ll probably show. Like most hobbits, though, he’s so sweet and resilient and has a purity at heart that the others don’t. He’s intentional in his behaviors and clever. Also, he knows quality when he sees it 😌

[thesherrinfordfacility]

im losing my MIND bUT here you go have some thoughts on the second coming

so we start with the below screenshots from the trailer where we have a statue of gabriel close up holding the crucifix, and then the next shot with beelzebub where there is no cross and instead what looks to be a bundle in its arms (i don't think it's a shadow bc it looks too opaque, too human shaped (think voldemort in goblet of fire lmao) AND the lighting from above on the stone would be more illuminated???)

the clue to where this is in the storyline however is that gabriel looks to be dressed in his lighter coloured heaven clothes, so before he loses his memory/flashback?

so this is presumably where gabriel has arrived on earth to retrieve jesus, possibly tucks him into a pristine moving-day cardboard box (i feel like the 'this way up' is both literal in that one shouldnt hold christ upside down as well as being a direction to deliver it to heaven?)

and given that gabriel heralded the birth of jesus in the first place, its perhaps all hinged on gabriel himself that the second coming happens, ergo if they eradicate gabriel, then there's no second coming, and therefore there's no tilting of the scales to favour heaven in the eventual war that will follow

anyway i reckon there must be a tussle with beelzebub or demons in general in the graveyard because then it seems like beelzebub gets discorporated possibly in the graveyard (hence the marker in the opening sequence) and gets temporarily demoted back in hell for losing gabriel/jesus (leaving a power vacuum for shax???)

update: AYOO @goth-maudra had them eagle EYES and spotted this!!!!

WE SEE YOU SHAX 💅

update 18/07: ayo fucking called it???

but gabriel either gets possessed by jesus (see: funny as fuck) or something just generally happens to him in this fight that makes him lose his memory and possibly lose track of the box, so the whole thing gets all messed up and noone knows where jesus has gotten to... but god sends aziraphale a clue (✨✨A cLuE✨✨) to tracking it down, in the shape of the everyday record and the resurrectionist pub address (lmao is jesus in the JUKEBOX???) on a fucking post-it note

or maybe hell had something to do with gabriel losing his memory (shax? idk but that could be the motive for her getting chummy with crowley in the first place) (i promise I'm not hating on shax my beloved but she SCARES me) in an effort to stall the second coming and now they're trying to retrieve and kill goob to forestall it altogether

but what they didnt count on is a smart, fastidious, nosy lil angel boy sticking his oar in and getting there first, and being a good enough person to hide goob in the first place but i disgress

and beelzebub, knowing that there's a retired angel on earth and gabriel might naturally gravitate towards there, infiltrates the bookshop as a wee fly (funny af in the goob clip of him swatting them with books BUT also the fly is like centre placement in beelzebub's character poster... COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT) and feeds this back to shax, so shax gets chummy with the demon that she replaced 👀👀 and tries to get him to turn on aziraphale and pressure him to luring goob out of the shop so hell can get to him, pressing crowley's Jealousy and Possessiveness buttons to her advantage

now idk how i feel about goob getting lost/leaving the shop and aziraphale has to track him down by going to Edinburgh, ill need to ruminate on this more, but crowley saying 'ooooh hell won't like that' and infiltrating (see: strolling blithely into heaven cosplaying bill nighy in love actually) makes me HOPE that he is still fighting the good fight but something is niggling at me as to why he ends up on the throne in hell and NOT in the bookshop when the demon attack is taking place, that makes me think major angst will happen and crowley ends up inadvertently supporting hell in getting goob and preventing the second coming

sigh now i need to go update my episode timeline how the fUCK do i summarise this

[peasantexchangeprogram]

"you attract what you fear" ooooh men with long dark curly hair im so scared 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

[ut-girl666]

Megatron: *has squish for Dot*

Optimus: *notices*

-Later-

Optimus: *with a bucket on his head* oooh, I’m the big bad scary Decepticon leader lord megatron, and I’m platonically pining a bad bitch, but I’m too scared she’ll fuck my shit up in an actual fighting match.

Megatron: *smacks him.*

-

Optimus: ooooh, im so evil im gonna show this baddie all my fancy poetry to show how hard my older than a3’s dick olden days calligraphy and glass pen-penmanship fucks.

Megatron: *spitting his drink out* ahsvskbs- my penmanship whats?!

-

Optimus: ooooooh look there she goes, yass, slayyyy, making my maidenless brother weak; only queen shit.

Megatron: shut UP, Optimus!

-

Elita: is he giving you a hard time?

Megs: yes. Get him to stop. He’s your husband.

Elita: unfortunately I have little to no control over him. But it is cute that you want to be her friend that badly.

Megs: *visible blush* yeah, yeah…

Optimus: *dramatically enters the bot’s rec room, wearing a bucket on his head, and gets on a table to strut across it like a runway, looking like a moron.*

Optimus: LOOK AT ME, IM THE EVIL LORD BUCKET FUCK AND I CANT HANDLE BAD ASS WOMEN.

*laughter*

Megatron: BUCKE- WHA-

Elita: *snorting* ‘bucket fuck’- oh my god-

-Many Years Later-

Optimus: I don’t think I’ve ever teased someone so bad about something like I have that, to be honest.

Megatron: you’re awful.

Optimus: yes, but you love me.

Megatron: …I hate that you’re right.

Optimus: of course I am, I’m your obnoxiously annoying, yet still very beloved little brother, that knows you better than you do yourself.

Op: *uwu✨ expression*

Megs: *eyeroll*