#out of the binary

[zandra-lang-cave]

Welcome to Wednesday/Thursdays of random thoughts.

Also, know as my tired overnight brain gets to weird places.

Today's thoughts are. things that give me and other people gender/body euphoria.

It's relatively easy to know when something doesn't feel right in your body or the way we express ourselves, aka dysphoria. But sometimes people get gender/body euphoria, basically the opposite of dysphoria, it's hard to explain but for me there are certain things I wear, say or do to express myself that just feels right.

To give some context and avoid misunderstanding, Im not trans but I use they/she pronouns, I don't consider my self any were ouside of the gender binary (though peole might disagree where my placement should be) i just like being called they every once in a while, mostly online. I'm a lady and use she/her IRL all the time for 2 reasons.

1 I haven't even bother to tell people i like to use they/them, just thhinking in having to explaining it gives me a migraine, it's easier to just use she/her and it doesn't bother me most of the time. And 2 my native language is Spanish and is one of the hardest languages to use any sort of neutral pronouns, most words are gendered so there are not many chances in my life for people to call me any sort of neutral term, again it doesn't bother me most of the time.

With that explain there are certain things I do/wear/say that gives me gender/body euphoria, most are just sutil stuff but they fill me with such joy that no one but me can understand completely.

My family nicknames are "pumpking" and "chele," and they both give me euphoria.

Pumpkin is an inside family joke base on the fact I don't like anything Pumpkin flavor, mostly my sisters and nices/nephews use this, and I love it when they call me that instead of my name or any other gender word like aunt or sister. Can I explain why? Not really. I just think it fills me with more joy than it's probably normal.

"Chele" Is a word we use in my home country to call white skin people since they are relatively rare. This one is use mostly by my parents and I can actually explain why it gives me euphoria, it's one of the few terms in my native language that is gender neutral and it feels great when they use it, it feels gender validating without being cultural exclusive. That is something I can feel rarely since I am basically still in the closet gender identity wise.

I preferred "Masculine" clothes/colors/activities to the point one of my sisters asked me if I wanted to be a boy. The answer is a very hard NO. I like being a lady, and the idea of being a man just doesn't feel right to me.

But I tend to like more "masculine" clothes like pants, shorts and long t-shirts, the few "feminine" clothes I wear are either "masculine" colors or neutral colors (that my sisters insist are still masculine). One vivid memory I have is of my sister asking why I want a blue pencil case instead of the pink one, I say I just like blue better but she say it was a boy color so she bought the pink one. I didn't Really care about the color, I just didn't wanted to look at an eye-bleeding shiny pink all day, I would have like it if it was a soft pink instead of a neon one.

I love boxing as an exercise (Don't care for it has a sport), and everyone thinks it is way too masculine, but for me, it makes me feel like a powerful queen. Don't know why, but it just feels validating. Even if everyone else thinks it is just for boys, I rarely feel more women than when I'm exercise boxing.

And last and definitely the weirdest one, I like wearing masks.

My coworkers always ask why i wear them even after they stop being required. I just said it is because I don't want to have to smile to people, half true, but in reality, it just gives me gender euphoria I can't understand. I have even considered wearing them at home, but I do not want to hear all my family's questions. If I do so, that's gonna stay in my head. But if im grocery shopping or at the mall, i will 100% wear a mask.

The best way i can explain it its, I just feel like myself when I wear a mask. It's not like I dislike how i look without them, but something just clicks in my mind, and I just go "this it's right."

That concluded my thoughts on things that give me gender/body euphoria. I don't usually think this hard about my gender identity, i tend to just say "im a woman but i use she/her pronouns", despite the fact I'm aware the answer is more complex than that.

I feel most people focus on the things that make them feel dysphoria rather than what can make them more in tune with the way they feel. especially people like me who don't really have a word that describes what we are. We just feel what we feel and try our best to explain it to everyone else.

I wanna know what other things people find that give them euphoria.

Reblog or comment something that makes you feel like you that you can't explain.

[crafftypenguin]

[ro-bee]

I think it's been long enough, tumblr get cursed with my best cotl tiktok

[halcyon-autumn]

Huge L for Helio this episode I gotta say. Something about meeting that guy makes people want to go worship a dead lesbian

[brushstrokes-art]

POV: You are a supercomputer looking at your favourite little construct. (+ alt under the cut)

[flowersforthemachines]

one thing that's really important to me in regard to Taash is that, despite the gamer bro outrage, all the stupid YT videos, and so many people I've seen who should be denied access to internet until they get a 101 on media literacy, Taash was still the 3rd most romanced character in the game. which is huge, when you take into account the insane popularity of Lucanis and Neve.

that means that the real people, who actually played the game instead of just talking shit on the internet, *loved* Taash. and that's what actually matters the most, at least to me.

[karoochui]

Future scenes for binary resurgence + a screenshot meme remake + dca moulin rouge au that @cacaocheri brought up to me last night and i said i would draw it today therefore i fully indulge and deliver bc moulin rouge is the movie ever

[snipdoodle]

who up cat today

[bunnieswithknives]

Fop redesigns for funsies but also bcs I saw some star heel boots and had to put Dale in them immediately.

[bayetea]

I hate the "as a girl whose grandmother was a slave, can I just say not cool?" line from hazel in moa it's the worst line of dialogue rick has written in his life. But like what the fuck. what kind of insane lore drop is that. hazel's grandmother was an enslaved woman. marie levesque cast a spell to meet the god of riches so that she could finally know what it was like to live beyond the indigence and suffering of her mother. marie wanted to be a queen, not a slave like her predecessors. she wanted pluto to give her all the riches beneath the earth

and then the earth enslaved her body. gaea possessed her and through gaea's influence marie forced hazel for six months to overexert herself to the point of collapsing to raise and reanimate alcyoneus. gaea worked hazel like a slave

it's so explicit here. this is SLAVERY. gaea was using hazel's forced labor for material wealth and power. she was only 13. her grandmother was used and her mother was used and hazel herself was used, they were black women exploited for what their bodies could provide in service to the hideous intentions of monsters in power over them. hazel broke free from the cycle and saved the world all by herself by choosing death - it was the only way out

and even in her second chance at life she's actively fighting to die again. she's an instrument of the gods being used to achieve an end that is supposed to kill her. she was convinced that freeing thanatos would result in him taking her life. she didn't know throughout hoo if her father would kill her when the main quest succeeded. even nico didn't think hazel was going to live. she didn't WANT to die a second time. but she fought for the world and for her friends anyway

by the end of marie's life she was only skin and bones. gaea used her body until she didn't need it anymore. marie was the daughter of an enslaved woman who dreamed of being a queen and instead the earth goddess robbed of her life and dignity. and her soul would have been tortured further in the fields of punishment if not for hazel's unfathomable selflessness and bravery to negotiate for mutual asphodel. hazel never even saw marie again after that. what was it that doomed the levesque family? that marie asked the god of death and riches for too much? she deserved even more than what she asked for. I'm fucking sick no one talk to me

[samsayswhatever]

Shout out to the people who wake up a woman and go to bed a man. The the people who wear lipstick and have a beard. To the people whose gender is complicated. To the people who need a minute to think about it. To the people who don't really care. To the people who never stop thinking about it. To the people whose gender and sexuality are the same thing. To the people who like people in a way they can't explain. To the people who don't like anything. To the people with a thousand crushes. To the people who never had one.

[isbergillustration]

Been doing my every other year-ly replay of the Dishonored games, and they are so beautiful, and I particularly love the shots we get of the Dreadful Wale in The Death of the Outsider, so I tried to recreate that.

[thetisming]

I JUST CAME OUT TO MY MUM AS NON BINARY AND SHE JUST SAID 'yeah.. i agree?' AND THEN POINTED OUT THAT I HAVE A WAISTCOAT ON

[piowasthere]

'i like women!' he yells when none of his crushes r even female smh IN VRCHAT

there was this little moment in the Date, Merry, Kill ep where he yelled that and this was what immediately came to my mind and never left so i finally got around to making it kekw

this is also your annual reminder that Gemini is enby, and we should respect that and give more love to enby characters😊❤️✨

anyway alts under

the only reason i even included the VRC thing is cuz the structure of this ended up looking way too much like a thumbnail lmaoo

[pandacattries]

Trouble in paradise #1: coming out

Might change the name who knows, anyway when the main project is too much and you can't handle working on it what do we do? start a side project of course!

[amphibianaday]

day 1786