#overall most r custom ^^

[pieflavoredartz]

ALL THE IBIS PAINT BRUSHES QR CODES I GOT (theres a zip file to get them all <3 plus them seperate.)

FOR YOU !

enjoy :]

[wincore]

I faked my engagement for free cake samples and got sued after I ran away AIO | haechan

pairing: haechan x baker!reader

genre: comedy, fluff, rivals (?) to lovers (?)

warning(s): quite possibly you will be inflicted with cringe, shameless scamming, mild swearing, one (1) innuendo

words: 5.4k

song recs: santa doesn’t know you like i do by sabrina carpenter, too late for chocolate? by kana hanazawa, like a raspberry by 宇宙ネコ子, honey by kara

a/n: ty to my queens lana and cat for gassing up this dumpster fire i wrote in a caffeine haze while watching my bf die every 20 secs in ds3. the initial plot was going to be far longer and more fleshed out but i fear i'm past my prime ( ._. )" i still hope you guys have fun with this one!! i got to play around with hallmark comedy far more this time, so overall it was a fun time writing <3 happy new year, my lovely mooncakes!!

part of a nonsense christmas: reddit edition collab <3

r/AmITheAsshole

u/YeastMode6969 • 3h

I faked my engagement for free cake samples then got sued after I ran away. AIO?

I (24F, small bakery owner) faked my engagement to get free cake samples at my rival bakery but the employee said I needed my fiance to be there. I panicked and grabbed the first guy to come through the bakery door after me. Turns out he’s not just some random customer. To top it off, he was ridiculously attractive even though he pissed me off every two sentences. I had a panic attack, told myself it’s totally not my fault, and moved on by baking fourteen cakes over the weekend. I thought I got away with it, but three days later, I got an email from him—he’s now suing me for “emotional damages” and “theft of pastries.” Am I doomed, or is this just karma with extra frosting?

⥣ 7.7k ⥥ 2,701 Comments

bun_theory0222 • 2h

INFO: Did you at least try the samples? Were they worth the lawsuit? We’re all dying to know here.

➥ Reply ��� 3.2k ⥥

muffinbutdrama1122 • 1h

nah cuz why is he suing when he CLEARLY wants to flirt??? this man is embarrassing but so are you. somebody matched ur freak <3

➥ Reply ⥣ 1.7k ⥥

soggywaffle0205 • 6m

YTA why can’t this shit happen to me. AT LEAST I would commit to the bit.

➥ Reply ⥣ 420 ⥥

cerealfordinner0323 • 2h

Bro sued you just to slide into your life again. He’s not slick, and neither are you. Good luck with that wedding cake.

➥ Reply ⥣ 9,011 ⥥

. . .

If you could hop a few steps to the right, feign unconsciousness, and climb right into the active fireplace, it could potentially make everything okay. For you, that is. Not for the poor bakery employees who would have to call the cops. 

“I’m sure he’s a handsome one!” The girl behind the counter giggles, light pink dusting her cheeks. “You’re- you’re so gorgeous!”

Setting aside the fact that most gorgeous women you know end up with malformed gargoyles, your current predicament is almost equally sinister. What started as an innocuous process to gain free wedding samples (in other words, a scam) has led to a question that should be obvious but completely escaped your mind following your trailing success.

“We’ll need to have you come in with your fiance for the free wedding cake samplers. Is he around?”

Is he around?! Boy, you sure hope so. Because now you’re also frantically looking around with the employee after you blurted out another lie: “He’s going to be here soon!”

When did you turn into a compulsive liar? You’re not sure if your mom would be proud of you for being so good at nabbing free food, or disappointed that you’re a filthy liar. After all, she did tell the buffet employees you were under 10 all the way till you were 14. So, really, you’re not the source of the problem! You brush your festive red skirt of invisible crumbs, trying to busy yourself.

The cafe itself is well decorated for Christmas—a silver reindeer bores holes into your head from by the front door, a small Christmas tree stands at the center that’s a little emaciated but the cute Sanrio ornaments in Santa hats make up for it, and most importantly, a beautiful Mont Blanc cake sparkles from atop the glass counter. (Seriously, why didn’t you think of this? Your own bakery is all sparkles and no play.)

You move out of the way of other customers, and casually glance at the source of your awe and joy. Powdered sugar dusts the top as idyllic snow, covering the sugared cranberries and sugared chestnuts, not dent in them under the white fondant star. The base of the cake is tied with an edible red ribbon, completing the seasonal aesthetic of it. A sigh rests momentarily upon your lips before it escapes. 

You love Mont Blanc cakes, but you never quite get it right. That’s your biggest failure as an up-and-coming baker, and such is the reason for your unhinged serial sampling scam. You swear it started off as a search for inspiration in a creative rut but before you knew it, a lie had spilled from your eclair-sweetened lips, and another, and another. 

It is at this point that you briefly consider bolting for the door. Tibet is great around this time of the year. Maybe if you convert to a monk lifestyle and atone for your sins, you’ll be granted a pardon in the form of delicious sweets. Before you can make your escape, however, the front door jingles, and in strides a sight unbelievably reassuring. A man with caramel hair enters, who might as well be wrapped in a giant red ribbon and seated atop a snow-white horse in golden ornaments.

It’s a Christmas miracle. Hallelujah! They still apply to you.

His smile—soft and sweet as meringue hearts—lights up the room as he inhales the warm, sugary air of the bakery. You’re hit with the vaguest sense of familiarity. He might be one of the few customers you get these days. For a moment, you falter. Are you really going to victimize this stranger?

Yes. Yes, you are. The situation is dire.

“Hi darling!” You exclaim within earshot of the employee, before lowering your voice. “Could you help me out a little here?”

The man blinks, dazed for whatever reason. “Uh… sure?”

“Okay, then follow along and ask questions later,” you reply, and loop your arm through his gingerly. The touch of his fuzzy winter coat makes you relax a little. It is chocolate-colored, with beige fluff around the collar. Not now, you think to yourself, You need to stop thinking about sweets for one goddamn moment.

“Here he is,” you laugh sheepishly as you bring the man forward. Gosh, what in the heavens are you doing? You didn’t even ask his name. 

The employee stares, jaw agape. What’s with the reaction? He’s not that hot. 

“O-oh,” she responds. “That’s quite the surprise. I never knew. Congratulations, sir!”

You turn to look at him. He simply scratches his chin with a sheepish smile, and manages to respond with a “Thanks, Kimi.”

He must be a regular, you think. Oh, (Name), what did you get yourself into? You’re just gonna have to read his name off his coffee order first.

“We have a selection of samples for our wedding cake choices,” the girl, Kimi, moves to the far side of the counter, offering a small menu card to the two of you. “I know you’re not a big fan of wedding cakes, Mr. Lee, but the latest tiramisu flavors should suit your tastes, no?”

Just how close are they?! You chew on your lip and try to calm your depraved little heart.

“Well,” he responds, thinking for a second, “I actually hadn’t thought this far. What do you think, honey?”

He turns to you with a radiant smile, but you sense a hint of mischief. You don’t have time to think of that though—so you just change the topic. 

“Actually, do you have a Mont Blanc flavor? I’ve always had trouble perfecting it myself.”

Truth be told, that ‘honey’ had flowed from his lips and struck you straight in the heart. He’s not too bad to look at, you think now. His tousled hair catches the light with a playful sheen, framing his face and accentuating his disbelieving smile, while his fluffy coat adds a cozy touch to his charming, boyish demeanor. If you were to overthink a little, you’d find a hint of mischief in his voice. Alas, you’re a simple girl who only overthinks sweet treats, not boys.

“You bake?” He blurts, before his ears turn red from realization.

Kimi shoots him a puzzled look and your breath hitches in your throat. Was the miracle an idiot in disguise?

“I mean, uh, gosh, you make me so nervous, honey.” He looks like he’s trying his very best to ace an exam he never studied for. “I meant to ask if you're going to bake.. today? Don’t look at me like that.” 

Maybe you should’ve picked a candied apple and prayed that a witch had poisoned it. You can’t even force out a smile at that pathetic save.

“You’re a lucky man, Mister,” Kimi jabs, a look of distrust in her eyes before they flash to you. “I’m afraid Miss (Name) in a wedding dress would make me drop dead at the altar.”

“Oh, you- you flatter me,” you choke out, “I promise you wedding gowns aren’t my thing at all. Besides, you’d look beautiful in white yourself.”

Why is she so into this wedding conversation? How close are these two? You’re not sure how to react, and neither do you know how this man is going to explain your mysterious disappearance the next time he visits the bakery. You’re sure as hell not going to continue the act beyond this. It’s time you retired from this scam business. You’re not even sure how you’ll talk your way out of this with the man, currently engaged in small talk with Kimi. 

And— is he blushing?! Does he have something going on with the girl—Kimi? Did you just ruin something? Your heart tightens a little, and you have to physically restrain yourself from falling to the floor, head in your hands.

You laugh awkwardly, trying to diffuse the situation. When you open your mouth, you are interrupted.

“Actually, Miss, I think I take back what I said about the handsome part,” Kimi jokes, evident disdain sent towards Donghyuck.

Your natural response is a little laugh that leaves before you know it. Maybe, the feelings you sensed were of unrequited resentment. He does have the kind of face that looks like it’s often smacked by girls. No offense to him.

Kimi hands you the first sample (two delicious slices of Mont Blanc) and excuses herself to fetch the rest. The two of you make your way to a booth with the heaviest silence you’ve ever experienced. You might as well be at a funeral.

“So… free samples are that good, huh?” The man asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“Shut up,” you mutter. 

“I’m Donghyuck, by the way,” he responds with a youthful laugh. “Might I have the honor of knowing my fiance's name?”

“(Name). And stop looking at me like that.”

He lets out a short breath.

“You know, maybe we should’ve pretended it was an arranged marriage.”

“Quite proficient in the scamming business, are you?”

“Oh, you’re better off not knowing my dirty secrets.”

You couldn’t care less about his secrets but the look you shoot at him is certainly dirty.

He opens his mouth but you interrupt him to absolve yourself first. “Listen, I don’t do this often. And I’ll have you know it’s nothing personal. Well, not against you. The owner of this place maybe.”

Donghyuck blinks. “Oh? Do tell. I’m all for being a hater with my fiance.”

You stare at him, not impressed.

“Sorry.”

“Okay, so this started a month or two ago. I had been working tirelessly, testing recipe after recipe, trying to perfect the Mont Blanc cake. It was my dream to make it iconic, you know? But before I could even settle on the perfect combination of flavors, some smug bastard opens a bakery right across from me. And what does he have as his specialty? Why, the Mont Blanc cake of course. Seasonal! Cute, elaborate new decor every two weeks! Just how rich is he? I bet he doesn't even bother to create his own recipes. This guy didn’t just steal my idea, he’s turned my passion into some overpriced, generic trend!”

You heave, tired from the onslaught of frustration. Chewing on your lower lip, a pout naturally makes its way onto your face, and so do more complaints. 

“And that’s not all, okay? I never see him at the bakery. I refrain from entering my competitors' establishments unless I greet them in person. But this asshole is just never there! What, is he too good to work at his own bakery? Too good to grace us lowly bakers with a visit? How could he just swoop in and steal my signature item?”

Donghyuck listens to your rant with intent, cheek resting against his palm. He even looks a little ridiculously charmed right now. 

“Wait… so you’re the infamous Free Cake Phantom everyone’s talking about?” He gasps.

You’ve finally turned to your poor, neglected Mont Blanc sample, just for your heart to jump out. “What?”

“Just kidding. Your secret is safe,” he says, digging into the cake with infuriating nonchalance. “But hey, you’ve got good taste. This Mont Blanc though? It’s my personal recipe.”

Your fork halts halfway to your mouth. “Your recipe? What, you work here or something? And, no offense, but it’s overwhipped.”

If that’s a joke, it’s not very funny. The man looks more like a confectionary than a confectioner. There’s no way he works here. He’s probably some jobless guy drifting from bakery to bakery on early Saturday mornings.

His jaw drops. “Overwhipped? Are you kidding me?”

You wave the fork at him like it’s a weapon. “Chestnut puree shouldn’t have the texture of mousse. It’s called finesse, Mr. Lee.”

Before he can respond, Kimi returns with another tray, and you slip back into character, placing your hand on Donghyuck’s. “Thank you,” you coo at her. “I can’t wait to share all these flavors at our wedding.”

Donghyuck stiffens slightly at the unexpected contact, but he recovers quickly, plastering on the fakest grin known to man. “Anything for you, sweetheart.”

Kimi laughs. “You’re such a lovely couple. When’s the big day?”

You freeze, and so does Donghyuck. For a moment, neither of you has an answer.

“Oh, we’re still, uh, deciding,” you blurt, glancing at him for backup.

“Yeah, we’re thinking spring,” he adds smoothly. “Cherry blossoms. Very romantic.”

“Y-yes. Maybe the Raspberry Rose should be in the winner’s spot then.”

As Kimi bows politely and walks away again, Donghyuck leans in to whisper. “Should I book the honeymoon now, or…?”

“Don’t push your luck,” you hiss, elbowing him in the ribs. 

He makes a pained sound, but recovers quickly. 

The second flavor is dubbed “Marble Eclipse”, a decadent blend of rich chocolate and vanilla, perfectly balanced with a luscious buttercream frosting. You try to focus on the taste, but Donghyuck’s smug grin as he watches you take a bite is more distracting than you’d like to admit. You’re not easily flustered, not by men. Unfortunately, he would have been the exact type you’d have tried to nab in college.

You shake your head. Focus, (Name), you think to yourself, You’re in the enemy’s lair right now!

“So… I might as well come clean,” Donghyuck says with a serious tone, right after you’ve taken a bite. You pause in horror. What arcane knowledge is he going to use for your humiliation this time?

“I visit your bakery often, and I must say your selection is just as good, if not better.”

You exhale.

“Oh, it’s better alright,” you retort, before realizing the unwarranted passion in your voice. You compose yourself. “I mean, maybe their Mont Blanc is… a solid competitor.”

Donghyuck laughs, clearly amused by the bashfulness on your face.

“Wait, are you patronizing me?”

“Of course not!” He places his hand over his heart in mock hurt.

“I think the difference is that this one keeps up with the youth.” He waves his fork about, explaining his point further. “Everyone loves new, shiny things. Cycle those as much as possible. Have you ever considered holding blind box events with your cupcakes? I’m sure the kids would love to find out which flavor of panda bear cupcake they got—matcha, my personal favorite, or coconut cream, or… god forbid, chocolate mint. Ugh. Have you considered removing that from the menu? Anyway, that shouldn’t take too much time and money, right?”

The youth? What is he, forty? However, however, the look on his face as he describes your own baked goods to you is enough to make you intensely flustered. Has this man visited so often? And you never noticed him? How could you miss that easy-going smile?

A familiar figure saves you from whatever awkward, garbled response you were going to muster.

Despite Kimi’s arrival, Donghyuck has a hard time taking his eyes off you. Lashes swaying with each flicker of his eyes over your face, he’s hardly taking a bit of the delicious marble cake, in fact. What, have you got something on your face?

Kimi apologizes profusely before you can say anything to greet her. 

“There’s only one slice prepared for the Tiramisu Dream sample,” she explains. “I’m so sorry about this. Would you mind sharing this one? I apologize again.”

“No worries, Kimi,” Donghyuck responds, laughing a little. You shake your head and reassure it’s alright too. 

Anyway, that slice is going to be yours. You’re ready to pry it from his cold, dead hands.  

To your surprise, though, he shoots a friendly smile at you. 

“Want the first bite?”

“May I?” You ask, just to be sure.

“By all means,” he says, gesturing grandly. “After all, what’s mine is yours, fiance.”

You swear, if he calls you that one more time, he’s going to end up in the cake display.

Kimi stares at the two of you blankly for a moment. It instantly flusters you and Donghyuck both, so much so that the idiot digs his fork into the cake slice and holds it up to your lips with a soft ‘ah’ —and so much so that you actually accept it graciously. 

And all that only for Kimi to not even notice as she excused her way back to the counter. So now you’re just two idiots deep in your romantic charades. Donghyuck clears his throat, too late to cover his coral-tinted cheeks and ears. You’re certain you wear a similar expression.

“You’re- you’re so weird,” you jab, unable to come up with an insult higher than middle school grade. 

“What, you wanted me to do airplanes too?!”

“Take that fork and drive it through your tongue, will you?”

“Woah, woah, no need for violence, Miss (Name). Peace and Love.”

Unexpectedly, it makes you break character into unbound laughter. The weariness of the act and the silliness of the whole situation leaks into the sound, and it’s enough to make Donghyuck join in. For passersby, you are just a couple already past your third, fifth and seventh dates.

“Any comments for the tiramisu cake?” Donghyuck asks, grinning ear to ear.

You catch your breath, wiping a tear from the corner of your eye. “Yeah, I have a comment: who puts this much cocoa powder on top? Are you trying to choke your customers?”

“Awh, and I thought you were gonna be nice,” he whines, “Your smile is just so… inviting.”

As if on cue, he chokes on the cocoa powder. 

“I still like it,” you continue. “I’d just do it better.”

“I have the utmost confidence in that.”

Gosh, his smile is nauseating—too bright, too easy, like he’s actually enjoying this. Maybe he’s a rising actor, and you’re the one being hoodwinked. After all, who looks at someone like that on a first meeting?

A moment passes, and suddenly his thumb is at the corner of your lips, brushing off the cocoa powder with a touch so casual it feels anything but. “Got it,” he murmurs, and the air between you shifts, warm and oddly heavy.

“So, how do you know all this?” you ask, changing the topic. You’re forcing yourself to focus, to breathe. 

He leans back, a small laugh slipping out like he’s grateful for the lifeline. “You- uh- you could say I’m a connoisseur of pastries,” he offers, his voice lighter now. “I like to sample the best around town—just, you know, legally. I even take notes of my favorites.”

He gestures towards you, and you scoff.

The words settle between you as you toy with the edge of your skirt, smoothing the fabric down over your lap. There’s something about the way he speaks—so casual, so effortless—that needles at you. For a man so annoyingly confident, he sure seems relieved to have redirected the conversation.

Your hand grazes the tiny snowman buttons on your cardigan, tracing the cold plastic absentmindedly. His gaze flickers to the movement, then back to your face, a smile tugging at his lips like he’s trying not to laugh. You don’t know what’s more embarrassing—getting outed as the Cake Thief or the fact that he’s bound to know he flusters you.

You tilt your head, giving him a skeptical look. “How professional of you.”

The bite in your tone is softening, and you don’t like it one bit.

He holds up his hands, feigning surrender. “Hey, it’s an art. Someone’s gotta appreciate it, right?”

The faint chatter of other patrons fills the room, but his presence sharpens the moment, making it feel like it’s just the two of you. For a fleeting second, you catch yourself wondering what kind of person would take notes on pastries for fun. It’s so bizarrely specific, so utterly unnecessary—and yet, so like him.

His smile deepens, pulling you out of your thoughts. “You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” he teases.

You roll your eyes, but there’s no stopping the traitorous grin threatening to break through. You refuse to indulge him, even as you feel the faintest crack in your defenses.

"Maybe,” you say, finally.

He chuckles, the sound warm and genuine, before leaning back against his chair with a satisfied air, as if he’s won something. You glance at the tray, willing yourself to focus on anything else.

How awkward. How warm. 

You spot a napkin fluttering off the table, carried by a sudden draft from the door. Instinctively, you step out of your chair to grab it, but Donghyuck beats you to it, scooping it up with an exaggerated flourish and a bow.

“Your knight in shining armor,” he declares dramatically, holding it out like a trophy.

“More like my nuisance in sugar-stained armor,” you retort, snatching it from his hand.

He laughs, unabashed. “Ah, so sharp. Yet here you are, sharing cake with said nuisance. Life is full of mysteries.”

“I’m just here for the cake,” you deadpan, dusting your hands off.

For a second, his smile falters—not in hurt but in sheer disbelief. He tilts his head, studying you with an incredulous expression, and you suddenly feel like a frog under a magnifying glass.

“You really don’t get it, do you?” he says, almost to himself, his voice low but still playful.

“Get what?” you ask, genuinely confused.

Donghyuck presses his lips together, fighting back a grin. He steps closer, leaning in just enough for you to catch the faint scent of chestnut cream. “I mean, I could spell it out for you, but that might ruin the fun.”

“Spell what out?” you press, a little flustered now.

He straightens with a laugh, shaking his head. “Nothing, you airhead. Absolutely nothing. Is your head full of cotton candy, by any chance?”

You narrow your eyes at him, but before you can respond, he’s already pulling his chair back, resuming his seat with a sigh.

“Mont Blanc, Marble Eclipse, and Tiramisu on the first date,” he states, deep in thought. “Maybe Matcha Lemon, Lavender Peach, and White Chocolate on the second… Perhaps a Red Velvet and a Strawberry Shortcake before you realize I literally own this place?”

You feel the heat intensify on your cheeks. You almost miss the last part, clouded by the implications of the rest of his words. He… wants to go on more dates with you? Was this a date all along? You’ve been swindled into having fun with a man somehow. He even knows the ins and outs of a baker’s life. And he’s charming in an oddball sort of way. You shouldn’t be feeling solidarity with this weirdo. But then again, somehow, his laugh is very… endearing. 

Wait a minute.

“You- you really own the place?!” A scream dies in your throat.

Donghyuck looks positively taken aback. “So you actually weren’t aware?!”

“What do you mean? How the hell am I supposed to know?! You described yourself as a connoisseur of pastries. I thought you were some kind of freelance failure so I didn’t pry!”

“Excuse me?!”

“Well, either that or you’re unbelievably rich. But then you don’t look it. Your sleeves have flour and oil stains on them, and your shoes are all dusty too, and there’s gold flakes in your hair—okay, how did I miss this?”

“Geez, way to judge someone by their looks. I’m not taking that from the local tart snatcher.”

The retort barely registers because your brain is too busy replaying the words “I own this place.” The realization hits, and before you can think better of it, the chair screeches back as you bolt upright.

“Wait, where are you—” Donghyuck’s voice is cut off by your shrill, mortified “Bye!” as you make a beeline for the door, leaving behind a very startled staff and a half-empty tray of cakes. Immediately after your exit, you let out a shriek. 

What the hell are you doing?!

Your face burns as you speed-walk down the street, each step punctuated by the memory of your impulsive retreat. You must have cast your senses away at that moment, like some wide-eyed fool in a fairy tale, almost charmed by that silly man and his absurd little quirks. It’s not your fault, of course—it’s his, with his flour-dusted sleeves, that stupidly endearing laugh, and the way he talked about pastries like they were a love language. What was wrong with him?! you think, conveniently ignoring the fact that it was your awkwardness and runaway theatrics that had caused the scene. You’d blame it on sugar overload if it weren’t for the nagging realization that maybe—just maybe—he’d gotten under your skin, and the fact that you deserved it.

. . .

You hadn’t expected to hear from him again. Not after your embarrassing getaway. But three days later, you’re staring at an email with the subject line: "Notice of Legal Action for Unauthorized Sampling."

You open it with trembling fingers, only to find what can only be described as the world’s most dramatic—and definitely fake—lawsuit. 

Your jaw drops as you scroll through the email. He’d even attached a fake case number: #CAKE-404-NO-FUN.

The body of the email was littered with ridiculous legalese. Phrases like "egregious acts of confectionery negligence" and "failure to properly appreciate artisanal craftsmanship" were scattered between absurdly specific accusations.

There is a diagram. An actual diagram. Arrows pointing to "Exhibit A" (the Mont Blanc) and "Exhibit B" (the empty spot on the tray), annotated with notes like "victim of hasty consumption" and "left to fend for itself."

And then, at the very bottom, there it was—the pièce de résistance:

“This suit may be settled by one (1) heartfelt apology and one (1) coffee date at the aforementioned bakery. Should you require legal counsel, I suggest bringing your A-game. I am, after all, a connoisseur of arguments… and pastries. 😉”

You groan, head thunking against the back of your chair. The audacity. The drama. The fuckass emojis. 

This man is getting to you.

Your first reaction is, of course, panic. Your second? Rage. And by the time you storm into the bakery at ass o’clock before it even opens, Donghyuck is waiting for you, leaning against the counter like he owns the place. (Which he does, actually.)

He’s propped on his elbows, his posture easy and unhurried, as if he’s been expecting you. The black apron around his waist is slightly askew, and his beige T-shirt bears faint streaks of flour across the chest, a testament to an already busy morning. His fluffy brown hair is an artful mess, the kind that looks unintentional but infuriatingly perfect, with a few errant strands curling over his forehead. There’s a streak of something golden—sugar, maybe?—on his cheek, catching the light as he tilts his head to regard you with an expression that’s equal parts curious and smug.

“You’re early,” he remarks, his voice low and teasing, as though he isn’t the root of all evil.

“You think this is funny?” you demand, shoving your phone in his face.

Donghyuck grins, unbothered. “Hilarious, actually. Did it get your attention?”

“You can’t just send someone a fake legal notice!”

“Worked, didn’t it?” He shrugs, leaning back with infuriating calmness. “Besides, you owed me an explanation for your Houdini act. You know, poor Kimi had to clear your tray. She almost cried.”

“She did not!”

As if on cue, Kimi pokes her head out of the kitchen. “Oh, she absolutely did. It was tragic,” she deadpans before ducking back in.

You groan, feeling your cheeks grow hotter by the second. “You’re unbelievable.”

Donghyuck leans back, smug as ever, and gestures to the email still open on your phone. “Unbelievable or resourceful? Let’s review: I sent a single, harmless message—full of creativity and wit, I might add—and look where we are.”

“At me wanting to strangle you?”

“At you running right to me,” he corrects, his grin widening. “What, were you worried?”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” you snap. “I’m here because—” 

You stop, realizing you don’t have a decent answer. “I didn’t want to give you the satisfaction of thinking I took you seriously.”

“Oh, you absolutely took me seriously.” He nods sagely. “I saw the panic in your eyes. Admit it: for a second, you thought you were going to have to pay me a hundred grand or grovel at my feet.”

“I- ugh- fuck you!” is all you can muster, stepping forward without thinking.

He mirrors your movement, the space between you shrinking by degrees. 

“But seriously, you ghosted me, and I had to get creative. What the hell was I supposed to do? I figured the legal drama might get my point across.”

“What point?”

“That I wanted to see you again.” The words come out so easily, so matter-of-fact, you don’t know how to respond. When you finally glance up, he’s watching you closely, his expression uncharacteristically sincere.

“Just because you’re all cute and covered in flour like the star of some indie chef movie doesn’t mean you get to toy with me.”

“Ha! You’re presumptuous—despite all the fine details on me you seem to observe.” He leans in. “But guess what, I’m a greedy bastard that loves attention. So, look closer.”

And you look anywhere but his lips, too pink and too plush, as your face grows hotter than a convection oven on broil.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” you manage, staring resolutely at the display of cakes. “That hardly counts as details.”

“Details,” he echoes, his grin growing wider. “Like the way I look at you?”

“You’re just a flirt,” you mutter.

He gasps, mock-offended, and gestures dramatically to the kitchen. “Kimi, did you hear that? I’m just a flirt!”

“You said it, not me,” Kimi calls back without missing a beat.

You laugh despite yourself, the sound surprising you. And Donghyuck doesn’t miss it. His gaze softens, the teasing edge in his voice dropping slightly. “There it is. I knew you could laugh without running away.”

You roll your eyes. “Don’t get used to it.”

“Too late.”

For a moment, the air shifts, the humor giving way to something quieter. Donghyuck’s gaze lingers—not on your awkward posture or flushed cheeks, but on you, as though trying to piece together something he doesn’t quite understand.

“What?” you finally ask, defensive.

“Nothing.” He shakes his head, but there’s a small, genuine smile now. “Just... you’re such a fidgety person.”

“Are you trying to shell out an insult?”

“No, I mean, I always see you scuttling here and there. Always on the move. Always observing, but never stopping long enough to be seen. You just… don’t seem like someone who takes much time for yourself.”

You blink, caught off guard. He tilts his head, like he’s trying to figure out if he’s crossed a line.

“I’m wrong?” he asks, almost sheepishly.

“I—” You pause, unsure of how to respond. “You’re nosy, that’s what you are.”

“That’s a yes,” he decides, grinning again.

Donghyuck chuckles, leaning just a little closer, his warm brown eyes locking onto yours. “Tell you what,” he says, his voice dropping to a murmur, “I’ll prove I’m not just nosy. Let me take you out. Somewhere you don’t have to bolt out the door halfway through.”

“You think I’d agree to that?” you retort, though your words lack bite. The proximity is doing something to your brain, and you’re acutely aware of how close he’s leaned in.

His grin is confident and infuriating. “I think you’d be curious enough to say yes.”

Your breath hitches as you realize how little space is left between the two of you, your noses almost brushing. “Woah,” you whisper, trying to play it off, “my mommy warned me about boys like you. All up close and personal with flour in their hair.”

He raises a brow, unrepentant. “Smart woman. But she didn’t tell you we’re pretty good at first dates, did she?”

You can’t help the laugh that escapes, soft but genuine. “Fine,” you say, straightening up and taking a step back before your pulse betrays you further. “But you’re paying. And no weird cakes this time.”

“Deal,” he replies, his smile softer now, more sincere.

And for a moment, you believe it—not just the act, not just the cakes and the banter, but the idea that maybe, somehow, this strange, sugar-dusted series of events has led to something real.

. . .

r/AmITheAsshole

u/YeastMode6969 • 16h

UPDATE: I faked my engagement for free cake samples then got sued after I ran away. AIO?

Fine, you guys were right. We’re dating now. Let’s just say we’ve been filling my cream puffs lately  🫠

Edit: I also got the Mont Blanc recipe!!

⥣ 7.7k ⥥ 3,297 Comments

kimikakes • 13h

KIMI HERE, REPORTING LIVE FROM THE SCENE: they literally argued over frosting consistency for half an hour yesterday. This relationship is built on chaos and croissants.

➥ Reply ⥣ 7.1k ⥥

bun_theory0222 • 2h

Hellooo where are the recipes. Priorities, OP :/

➥ Reply ⥣ 4.1k ⥥

lil_sugar_daddy0813 • 1h

man i was betting on donghyuck dying alone i dont wanna lose my $20

➥ Reply ⥣ 1.3k ⥥

muffinbutdrama1122 • 1h Give me your money NYEOW ➥ Reply ⥣ 1.7k ⥥

soggywaffle0205 • 6m why are you suddenly a furry ➥ Reply ⥣ 1.1k ⥥

muffinbutdrama1122 • 1h pays the bills ➥ Reply ⥣ 2.7k ⥥

[sparklystarrrr]

Not me wanting to be self-indulgent with this ask…

BUT I AM BEGGING YOU FOR MORE RIDDLE AND HATTER!READER BECAUSE I ALSO ACT FUCKING INSANE AROUND PEOPLE I LOVE AND IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE ACTUALLY WROTE A FIC OF ME ROMANCING RIDDLE!!!

PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!

MORE PWEASE!!!

(Also have a nice timezone)

HELP I LOVE HOW MANY RIDDLE REQUESTS I GET I LOVE WRITING ABOUT MY HUSBAND

Hats Galore Pt. 2

Synopsis: Hat making is best done in pairs, is it not?

Contains: Riddle R. x Gn! Mad Hatter! Reader, extension of pt.1, kinda crack, SO FLUFFY

"Riddle boy, do come quickly now, yes you should! Any slower and the dodo feathers may fly away. It took me a couple fingers and a road this that and the other way to obtain, yes it did!"(y/n) squealed while pulling Riddle along with them. “You are truly talented dear. Would it be alright if you could perhaps… teach me?” He said with a slight flush on his cheeks.

(Y/n)’s eyes sparkled, “Teach you? My oh my, what fun! A hat shall be yours in due time Riddle boy!” They quickly grabbed hold of Riddle’s other hand and dragged him along to their room. Inside, it was cluttered to put it lightly. Fabrics, feathers, glue, sewing materials and more were scattered around the room. Hats made previously were decorating the wall from the floor to the ceiling. "Watch your step Riddle! My ideas are scattered along these rickety floors!"

"I can see as much, dear."Riddle said with a smile and let out an airy chuckle as he carefully stepped over some buttons and peacock feathers. The two clumsily made their way to the small desk with a set of cushioned chairs covered in a wide variation of plaid fabrics. A few patches clung to the wooden legs to hold them on, but overall they were very sturdy. The red haired boy sat gently down on the cushion while the (h/c)ette sat with a small clunk of rattling glass bottles and colliding wood.

"Time to make your special hat, my boy!"(y/n) snatched Riddle's petite golden crown off of his head and set it aside. They pulled a comically long measuring tape from a rather small pocket in their pants and wrapped it around his head. "Hmm..." They hummed while reading the measurement ,"Ah, One moment!" "Alright- HUH?!" Riddle jumped in shock as (y/n) hopped right out of their chair and flung themself into an abnormally large closet full of an insane amount of hats.

An avalanche of hats started falling upon the hatter and the boy jumped from his seat. “D-dear?! Are you alright??!!” He shouted. Once the sea of hats calmed there was a small humming coming from beneath the pile. Suddenly, hats exploded from the top of the pile. There out of the pile was (y/n) holding a crushed red velvet top hat waiting to be customized. “Riddle darling! I have the most wondrous hat for you! It is more awe striking than twelve dozen flowers singing a melodic tune, yes it is!”

Riddle panicked once again when he saw (y/n) jump out of the large hat mountain. He nervously held his arms out to catch them as they made a crash landing into him. With a loud bang, (y/n) fell right into Riddle's arms making him stumble back and fall on his butt. He yelped loudly as (y/n) fell right into his lap, hands still firm on the red top hat that they dug out from the hat mountain. "Hah, seems I've squashed this poor rosebud... Up we go now, wouldn't you like to fancy a new hat for tea time? A queen shall wear a crown no smaller than a tea mouse and no larger than a walrus, as said in your silly rule book!" (y/n) giggled heartily.

Riddle's smile softened and he rested his head upon their shoulder. He spoke softly with a sigh and wrapped his arms around their waist,”You are truly a rambunctious one…” (Y/n) rested a hand on his shoulder and pressed their cheek against the boy’s head. “And you’ve grown accustomed to it, I see!” The (h/c)ette teased. His cheeks grew flushed into a rosy pink. ‘I truly have…’ he thought. He melted into their warmth slowly. 

(Y/n) looked down with parted lips, suddenly feeling a little calmer. Their eyes softened and melted ever so close to Riddle. They pressed a warm kiss onto the crown of his rose red hair. The boy gasped.”(Y-(y/n)!” He sputtered as his face bloomed a hot pink.

(y/n) giggled happily at his reaction,”What? A bird will not know affection unless it’s mate performs upfront, no it won’t!” They then pressed one final smooch onto the red haired boy’s soft pale cheek and hopped to their feet.

They held out their hand to him,”Let’s go make a lovely hat for you now, yes we should!” Riddle’s expression turned from one of shyness to a content grin. “Yes.. yes we absolutely should my dear!” He placed his hand gently into theirs and they shoved him to his feet with a force that nearly knocked him over. They scampered over to the desk and plopped into their seats, quickly getting to work.

A few hours later and some fingers nearly stuck together, the hat was finally done. Riddle sauntered out of their room with a new hat fit for the Housewarden of Heartslabyul and his partner happily on his arm. “A hat truly fit for you, Riddle boy!” They exclaimed. Riddle simply looked to them with the widest smile he’s had since forever. “Thank you…” He spoke under his breath. As if he couldn’t quite contain himself, he swiftly pulled them into him and pressed a kiss against their soft lips. And for the first time ever, the sweet hatter was left in an absolute daze. Their cheeks flushed slightly as they held a gummy smile on their lips when he pulled back.

The Heartslabyul students thought he was a little odd for wearing the heavily decorated hat, but hyped the two up nonetheless

Every time i write something for heartslabyul i always say the dialogue in a british accent to make it sound more authentic to the characters… i love my little british man

[sapphosclosefriend]

- Money, Power, Glory pt 1 -

Pairing: CEO! Silverfox! Natasha Romanoff x Escort! Fem! Reader

Genre: suggestive

Summary: Natasha Romanoff, successful and rich CEO, books an urgent meeting with someone who she might be able to finally destress with. Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: top! Natasha x bottom! R, Natasha has a penis, BIG age gap (N=56, R=24), suggestive themes.

A/N: this story contains mature topics so anyone who isn’t 18+ DNI. Just as an introduction hehe don't worry, their first time is in the next one, I won't leave it out! Thanks sooo much to @rt--link and @supercorpdanbeau for being the kindest and both helping me out ❤️ As usual, likes, reblogs and comments are very appreciated! Enjoy ♡

Masterlist

You still remember clearly the day you received the call from your agent. You honestly thought it was a cruel joke of hers at first, but the serious, yet excited, tone in her voice easily reassured you of the realness of the situation. The fact that she was calling you in the first place, and not quickly messaging you, was clear proof of just how important and urgent the matter was. Not only were you requested for that same night, meaning that the trusted woman deemed the new customer as important enough to ditch the advance days you usually demanded, but the house you needed to get to was of no regular person.

You were a high end escort, pleasing la creme de la creme only, well, at least in terms of monetary assets. You, and the agency you worked with, were known for your discretion, professionalism and skills, an overall level of competence that simply tended to attract clients of a certain status. And that's how you met her, the Natasha Romanoff herself, CEO of a multi-billion company she had created from the ground up in her decades-long career. But why was she so important? She would've been the richest one of your clients, it was as simple as that. Pretty much every single one of them were at the head of, if not close to, big and different companies, all with the highest power of the twenty-first century in their hands, money. You had actually thought about dipping your toes in the world of politics once, which was not so surprisingly filled with countless requests interested in your realm of expertise, but thanks to long consideration and much advice, you had decided to avoid its risks, settling on who you knew, after all, had what you wanted, filthy rich assholes. And gosh, wasn't she the richest one of them all.

Aside from her status, the thought of such a woman, so idolized she seemed unattainable, who could and probably had everything in the world, asking for your company, intrigued you immensely. That day, during every single hour you had spent to thoroughly take care of your appearance just for her, anticipation completely took over you. You knew she was beautiful and you genuinely thought she was fucking hot, which wasn't necessarily to be taken for granted in your line of work, but what you found yourself needing to know, and consequently making your interest in her grow even more, was how she was going to be in private. Was she going to be just like one of those countless naggingly cocky know-it-all's who thought of themselves as some sex gods, and gods in general, but really couldn't even figure out if you had cum yet? You found yourself almost wanting her to be different than everybody else, because deep down you felt like, even if she was the most annoying, full of herself bitch ever, you would’ve gladly tried to satisfy every single one of her needs and taken anything from her with a smile on your face. Ok, maybe scrolling for an hour through the internet looking up information about her and consequently ending up lost through any picture of her you could find wasn’t the best idea, but what could you say, you had a bit of a sweet spot for powerful women.

What you gathered from your innocent stalking session, though, was mainly about her countless successes in life but also concerning some gossip regarding her not so successful marriage life. It didn’t bother you, barely anything about your clients did at that point, but it only intrigued you more about why she wanted someone like you. She could’ve had anybody, she was a walking goddess with her pockets more than full and ladies most definitely falling at her feet left and right, yet there she was, in her car, getting back home after one of the longest and most tiring weeks of the past few months to wait for a girl she’d only seen a couple pictures of to take her mind off of everything. Her driver immediately knew not to even greet her by her frustrated sigh and the pinching of the bridge of her own nose as soon as she got in the car and immediately took off to her desired destination, making Natasha thank any and all gods for the nice relief after such displays of incompetence she had to endure from basically her whole staff. She was right at her limit and all the pent up anger and irritation from the week was finally starting to crack her composed facade at the prospect of the imminent weekend slowly reaching her. She didn’t even want to have dinner, she just needed to be at home, everyone out of her goddamn house and a pussy to unload some stress into. If she had to be honest, in that specific moment, she even missed her disastrous married life and the perk of having a wife always waiting for her at home, ready to meet her needs at the end of the day.

She, unfortunately, never felt the symptoms of "true love" with any of her ex wives, but the thought of how badly it had gone wrong with all of them still pained her a little every time her mind drifted to that phase of her life. During her successful yet busy life she'd been through her fair share of failed marriages, all with beautiful women she'd deeply cared for, but all eventually focused on one thing only, her absence. The first thing she'd always made sure to make very, very clear was just how little time she had to dedicate to anything outside of her company, which unfortunately included her personal life. Her best guess was that the haziness coming from a brand new love must've made it hard to get a grasp on her words…every single time, apparently.

It didn't matter anymore, though, because what she had to focus on now seemed to be much more important than any matter ever had. The quick, warm shower she had just enough time to take as soon as she got home was thankfully able to wash away the surface level anger that was starting to make her temple throb, preventing her from being a rude prick for the rest of the night. She was aware, after all, of the favor you were doing to her by working the night without any notice and all she wanted to do was be respectful for your kind availability. Being her perfectionist self, and deep down maybe even wanting you to like her, she knew she had to focus on not losing her mind on minor things like her outfit, so she decided to try to at least appear to be careless about her appearance and only focus the last bits of mental strength she had on the more relaxing, pleasurable parts of the night. Of course she still couldn't help but fix her hair just a little and change her sweatshirt for a still casual but more put together beige, cashmere sweater. She'd had it for years and, despite its condition not being the best, she couldn't bring herself to get rid of it, it just reminded her too much of- nevermind. A few small holes and pulled threads on her top would certainly be the last thought on your mind anyway.

She didn't even realize she was starting to zone out while still looking at herself in the mirror, when the sudden, distant ring of the front door slightly startled her, effectively making her get herself back together. What was minutes away from happening truly dawned on her as she descended the stairs to the first floor and, for a brief moment, as she walked through the entrance corridor and saw the blurry outline of your figure through the frosted glass of the tall door, time seemed to slow down and for the first time in years she felt a small twinge of anxiety creeping up on her the closer she got to you. She was really doing it, she was really about to follow the advice of her idiot Stark friend and didn't mind it too much. Maybe she was really getting old, maybe age was starting to actually play some tricks on her, because, as her hand pushed the cold handle of the entrance door and started to pull it open, the snippets of hair she could start to see of you lit a confident fire in her that only burned more vividly as your form was finally fully displayed to her, making it impossible for her to suppress the excitement she suddenly felt at the sight of you in person, looking at her through your lashes with subtle faux innocence she could see right through.

"Good evening, Ms Romanoff"

.

.

Part 2

.

.

Tags: @fxckmiup @natashasilverfox

[blackjackkent]

@astreamofstars suggested my next dive into the parsed dialogue files should be looking at the various Vicious Mockery lines available for player characters, and the ways the different companion character VAs speak them. This turned out to be quite challenging, as there are a LOT of them!

There are a total of 97 unique Vicious Mockery lines, each of which was recorded by all ten companion character VAs PLUS all twelve custom character VAs, for a total of 2,134 recorded lines, which is wild. (This is not including Ethel's 60 unique Vicious Mockery lines as well, which brings the total to 2,194.)

In this video, I've collected all 97 VM lines across all ten companion VAs, along with notes (where applicable) on things like

references to Shakespeare (or other pieces of media)

places where BG3 continues a time-honored tradition of the series by butchering archaic English grammar

interesting inconsistencies between the VAs or with the written dialogue

(If you notice any references I missed, please let me know and I might edit the video! :D )

In making this video, I ended up listening to all these lines a LOT, and I do love that some definite patterns emerge which are very on-brand for the characters in question.

Astarion often sounds deeply disdainful and at times almost bored. He barrels through some of the lines as if he doesn't think the recipient of his insult is even worth his time. (Also him calling someone a "parchment-pallored villain" is a bit rich, don't you think? :P )

Gale is deeply pleased with his own cleverness and laughs at his own jokes.

In my opinion, Dave Jones by far most Understood The Assignment; Halsin bellows out the lines like a Shakespearean actor playing to the back row and really relishes the language.

Jaheira is in full mother-tiger voice and clearly ready to kick ass and take names; she's not messing around. (With one exception - I have been laughing over Tracy Wiles's reading of "Mouthier than an arse, twice as full o' shite" for the entire duration of this project, because solely for that line she sounds like she's been possessed by some unknown force and is utterly baffled by the words coming out of her own mouth.)

Karlach reads most of these lines as either battle-cry or schoolyard taunt and seems utterly delighted in both cases. I enjoy that she adds a fun roll on her r's to sound all mockingly fancy.

Lae'zel generally sounds like she's about to rip someone's throat out and often seems completely oblivious to the humor involved, even on lines like the delightful pun, "As the leg, you'll end in defeat."

Minsc definitely doesn't know what most of these words mean but he makes up for it in enthusiasm. I enjoy that "Mouthier than an arse" becomes "mouthier than a butt" only for him. XD

Minthara, like Lae'zel, is mostly not coming at this from a place of amusement; she's MAD. She sounds like a judge handing down sentence in the most disdainful manner possible. (That said, she has my favorite deliveries on some of the lines with timing-related humor: "Thou art saucy... as gruel," "Thine eyes! Pools of tepid piss," "Like a summer's day... thou art sweaty," etc.)

Shadowheart just sounds deeply offended that her target is existing anywhere near her. She's practically spitting on all her plosive consonants and it's delightful.

Wyll sounds remarkably fierce given how nice a dude he is, but a lot of his lines have some righteous indignation (appropriate for a former noble and the Blade of Frontiers) - or he just sounds like he pities his opponent. His reading of "It vexes me to know of you" is my favorite of the whole cast; he just sounds so disbelieving of his target's stupidity.

Overall I think my favorite of these lines is towards the end: "Your body's a temple - to an idiot god!" All ten companions really stick the landing on that one. :D

Thanks for watching! Hope you enjoy.

(Got requests for other investigations into BG3 dialogue? Drop me an ask and let me know! )

[irradiatedsnakes]

dialtown object head model masterlist

looong post incoming! i've been on a hunt to have a full list of what every dialtown character's head is, kind of as an extension of my own phone (and printer) collecting irl. these were compiled with the help of a very kind handful of people, most notably @germaaaaaaaaaa who has a real knack for sniffing models out! photos are from the sources linked as well as my own personal collection.

phonegingi/callum

3D models based on this specific Ericsson Bakelite 1507, as shown in the extras menu (see first photo below). Note the broken plate on the front where one would put the number card, which is reflected in both Gingi and Callum’s models (Gingi’s has it facing downwards, and Callum’s faces upwards):

typegingi

3D model based on two typewriter models: the overall shape is that of a 1948-1949 Royal Quiet Deluxe, while the keys, carriage, and various details (like the color indicator dots to the side of the keyboard) from an Olympia SM9. Jbhusker on r/typewriters identified that for me :]

oliver

Telecom Eireann Slaney, the Irish version of the BT Relate 200, in color “oatmeal”. He also has a removable plastic standee part on the back that allows it to be hung on the wall, which we don’t see in his sprites but we do see in an image Dog posted of the back of the phone (which is how we know he's in oatmeal, since it's noted on the sticker- the photo below of my slaney is actually in alpine white, it's just become a similar oatmealy color due to age), as well as in the crowd shot during Roger’s presentation, with someone else with the same head.

karen

3D model that is primarily based on a Canon Pixma ts202 (thanks to Smooth in phonecord for that ID!), but has significant differences in shape and color. She’s one of a kind!

randy

Nokia 3410, which came in a couple colors (the Randy aqua we know, silver, and rarely red).

bigfoot

A disposable camera without its outer plastic shell or paper labeling, this Renault one or something similar (maybe different branding? I swear dog mentioned he got bigfoot’s camera at a zoo.). Smooth on the discord found this one.

norm

norm's head is made of meat. here's his hat (which he wears backwards in his sprites). (i never wrote down who found this one and i can't re-find it in phonecord search, sorry. like a 90% chance it was germa)

mingus

Salvage the cat. Salvage the cat is a very unique model of cat.

roger

FeTAp 791-1, in orange (apparently hueshifted- in real life he’s red, but there ARE orange versions of this model, they’re just harder to find than some other colors). This model came in a bunch of colors- please enjoy this one that looks like it’s made of meat and gristle. Far as I can tell, these were mostly German, but also popped up fairly frequently in the Soviet Union. Mine is an Argentinean release of the same model.

peter

Western Electric Model 500, the most widely-produced rotary phone in history, in red. Note also that Peter has no lettering or numbering on his head, which is edited (it’s not possible to sand off a 500’s numbering because it’s actually filled-in plastic vice paint on top). Due to the color & clear plastic wheel, Peter’s model is from 1956 or later.

god

Emerson 11P50. Here’s the specific stock images that his sprites are of, too. byrdffv on phonecord.

jerry

Bell JO-4 or JN-4, same make, different color. Jerry is the same solid color all-around. I’d assumed he had to be custom-painted- I haven’t seen a single Jerry or almost-Jerry that’s the same solid color he is on the internet besides his OG stock photo (since, as you can see on mine, the metal and plastic parts are always different colors), but it’s not a well-documented series of models, and according to Dogman he’s seen ones like him IRL. Here’s the stock images used for Jerry. See also, his wheelchair, a LAWC001 (that one’s credit to Germa).

mr. dickens

K6 Telephone box. Not much more to say, there aren’t a massive amount of red UK telephone box models.

and with that, i've reached the 30-image limit per post. i'll continue this in a reblog, or you can view the rest of them at the google doc i've set up here!

[whencyclopedia]

Herodotus on Babylon

The description of Babylon and Babylonian customs in Histories by the Greek historian Herodotus (l. c. 484-425/413 BCE) has long been challenged for accuracy and been found wanting, leading some scholars to dismiss the work entirely as more fiction than fact. This rejection of the Histories, however, derives from applying modern-day historical standards to an ancient historian and, ultimately, is unfair and unprofitable.

Herodotus was a great storyteller who, in keeping with the practice of his time, was as interested in relating a compelling tale as sticking to factual details. It seems increasingly clear, based on archaeological evidence and ancient cuneiform records, that the Babylon of Herodotus’ Histories differs from the actual ancient city of his time, but this is not to say his description is wholly inaccurate nor does it seem reasonable, based on the Babylon passages primarily, to dismiss the whole of his work.

Herodotus & Ancient History

Every ancient historian can be accused of some form of exaggeration or inaccuracy, but few seem to receive the kind of harsh criticism regularly aimed at Herodotus. Diodorus Siculus (l. 90-30 BCE), for example, gives a lengthy description of the life of Queen Semiramis which is understood as almost wholly myth, but the bulk of his work is still accepted as more or less accurate. Statements which cannot be supported by other texts or archaeological evidence certainly should be challenged but it is a mistake to read the works of ancient historians in the light of modern-day historical standards.

A story about the past, to an ancient audience, revolved around a truth, not necessarily the truth. The Egyptian scribes of the Middle Kingdom (2040-1782 BCE) who wrote of the First Intermediate Period (2181-2040 BCE) as a dark time of chaos were purposefully exaggerating the problems of the past to highlight the stability of their present. Archaeological evidence has clearly shown the First Intermediate Period was not the tumultuous era the ancient scribes present but their narratives do correspond to a time of instability, change, and uncertainty.

This same paradigm is seen in Mesopotamian Naru Literature in which some historical figure such as Sargon of Akkad (r. 2334-2279 BCE) or Naram-Sin (r. 2261-2224 BCE) is featured in what amounts to a fictional tale. The facts may not correspond to what modern-day scholars understand as history but, to an ancient audience, would have communicated some important cultural or religious truth.

In this same way, Herodotus relates the grandeur of Babylon and the strange or disturbing (to him) customs of the people. It does not seem that Herodotus ever visited Babylon himself and was relying on second-hand information from which, as a storyteller, he wove one of the most compelling narratives of the city extant. This description does not correspond to the ruins excavated in the modern age or ancient Mesopotamian records but does provide insight into how a Greek writer of the 5th century BCE viewed the culture of the Near East.

His Babylonian narrative is criticized at a number of points in the modern day, including I:178 (the description of the city) and I:189-I:191 on the fall of Babylon to Cyrus II (the Great, r. c. 550-530 BCE), but those who find fault with Herodotus’ work overall usually focus on I:192-I:200 and, especially, I:199 in which he discusses “sacred prostitution”. There is no evidence of any such practice as he describes it in the Near East, much less at Babylon, and so this passage has encouraged some modern scholars to reject the entirety of the work. As scholars W.F.M. Henkelman et. al. point out, however:

What Herodotus’ work is not, is a scholarly description of the twenty-first century kind, which can be simply read as history. It is, instead, a literary masterpiece, which betrays far more of the Greek image of matters than about such matters themselves. (465)

It seems reasonable to consider this approach to Herodotus’ work and appreciate it for what it has to offer rather than reject it completely on the basis of a few chapters or, in some cases, simply on I:199.

Continue reading...

[bringcal]

The LINUX REVIEW! Okay so I been using CachyOS on my desktop pc and Arch linux on my laptop (previously Linux Mint) for over a month now and I just wanted to post about my thoughts, from someone who has been exclusively on Windows my entire life and am not a programmer/dev (and now, no longer has anything that runs on Windows so you may see where this is going)

Laptop specs: AMD ryzen CPU i don't remember specifics, 8gb ram, 500gb storage (Truly just an average trash laptop whos already physically falling apart)

PC specs: 7600x CPU, 7800 XT GPU, 32gb ram, 2tb storage

List of things I've noticed or liked:

(Laptop) Fans no longer blaze on idle. Was really embarrassing bringing my laptop to school because of this and now no longer an issue. The fans only kick in when necessary

(Overall) Less ram usage. on idle, Windows 11 ate about half my ram on my laptop, its now about 1 gb on arch. Similarly, on my PC CachyOS is about 1.8 gb on idle.

(Overall) More customization compared to Windows. I've stuck with the cinnamon DE for all of them and at least on Cinnamon, customization is easy for the average person who doesnt wanna go mess w configs.

(Overall) I can update my computer and still use it like normal. If its a relatively deep update that needs to restart the restart time is as long as any other regular restart. I wont be tricked to being stuck on a blue loading screen for 10 minutes.

(Overall) I can run all games I like to play, even relatively newer ones like Monster Hunter Wilds. Which is now a few months old, but even Nightreign which is Brand New runs perfectly. People need to stop saying gaming is impossible on Linux. Yall are just addicted to Fortnite

(Overall) Pirating games is also easy and have had no performance issues with pirated games running via Lutris

(Overall) Better performance on Minecraft. Most games r kinda the same, but there are a select few like Minecraft who run better now

(Laptop) i can watch a FUCKING YOUTUBE VIDEO without my computer DYING

(PC) Everything just Works. CachyOS is really good. The reason this isn't an overall point is just that I'm more responsible for getting the packages my laptop needs, so obviously there wasn't a good out of box experience for a normal user on Arch. For being arch-based CachyOS is perfect and has no issues

(Overall) No Microsoft

(Overall) I can use pngs as icons for applications instead of needing to convert to ico

(Overall) And also, Converting something from one format into another is 10x simpler

List of things that are silly:

I can say "yay" to update my computer :3

I will never leave my wiggly window phase. blblublbublbubblubblub

List of things that I don't like:

Honestly such a trivial issue but the RGB on my keyboard under my capslock fucks up and gets stuck and I am in the select tiny minority where openRGB doesn't support my keyboard and akko drivers aren't available for Linux. im not sure i can say i "dont like" it because its such a non issue, its just a thing I wanted to acknowledge.

[bluestrawberrybunny]

How to Fluster an SMG3 [Aster34 Fanfic]

Aster belongs to @shygirl4991 (and tagging @b-r-i-n-g-x because they are the #1 Aster Fan and made their ref sheet)

It was a regular day at the Showgrounds, or regular enough for the SMG4 crew that was. It was actually rather boring to say the least.

Two people sat on the couch within the castle. One was an enby with blonde hair and purple eyes who wore an orange plaid flannel with a black t-shirt underneath, a nonbinary pin, and jeans. Their nails, which were currently being run through raven black hair, were painted a dark black. The other was a man with black hair and blue eyes and wore a blue turtleneck sweater and white overalls.

SMG4 was currently lying with his head in Aster's lap as they ran their fingers through his hair. Both were scrolling through their phones aimlessly, sharing different things they found that they thought the other would like.

Really they were both just biding their time until their boyfriend, SMG3, was finished with work. Because it was a very boring day so far.

Aster sighed, setting down their phone and looking at one of their two boyfriends before getting an idea. An evil smirk appeared on their face as they tapped 4's forehead.

"Hey 4," they said, "wanna do something fun?"

"Hm?" 4 asked, barely looking up at them from his phone. "Yeah. Sure. Whatcha got in mind?"

"Well," Aster laughed, leaning an arm on the couch and leaning their hand against their fist, "since we both seem to be bored and SMG3 is currently at work, why don't we play a little game~"

4 put down his phone, giving his partner a confused glance. "What's the game?"

"We go over to 3's cafe, and whoever can make him the most flustered, wins."

"What's the prize?"

"Making 3 extremely flustered."

4 laughed. "Sure. Be ready to lose though," he said, sitting up and stretching.

"I was going to say the same thing to you, Dear," Aster said, grabbing 4's chin and planting a kiss on his cheek before standing up and heading towards the door.

SMG4 huffed as he stood, face going red. "Dammit," he mumbled to himself as he followed them out, "they're gonna win aren't they?"

Meanwhile, inside 3's Coffee N Bombs, SMG3 stood at the counter, taking orders from customers as Eggdog bounced around the cafe entertaining people.

The bell above the door rang, earning 3's attention. His red eyes looked up before seeing two very familiar faces.

Aster waved at the man, SMG4 standing beside them with a large smile on his face.

Clearly they were up to something...

The two walked up to the counter as the most recent customer grabbed their coffee and took a seat.

"Hey Darling~" Aster said, leaning an arm against the counter and giving 3 a flirtatious wink.

"What do you two want?" 3 asked, getting the feeling that his two lovers didn't have any good intentions related to their visit.

"We can't stop by and pay you a visit?" 4 asked, pouting at the man in purple.

"Oh, you two are definitely up to something," 3 said, looking between the two. "Spit it out. What do you want?"

Aster gave a fake scoff, turning away but keeping their purple eyes locked on SMG3. "How rude. We can't come and see our boyfriend while he's at work?"

Oh, they were definitely up to something.

"Or come over for coffee either?" 4 added.

"Exactly!" Aster shouted. "Our intentions are pure, I promise, Darling."

“Somehow, I doubt it,” 3 mumbled under his breath. “Do you want coffee or are you both just here to bother me?”

“Both,” 4 admitted with a shrug.

3 glared at the two. “… so…?”

“My usual, please,” 4 said before giving Aster a side eye. He then reached over the counter, grabbing 3’s hand as he jotted down the order. “But can I take you to go?” He asked with a wink.

3’s face went red as he stared at his fellow meme guardian. “I… um…”

Aster smirked at 4, but quickly turned their attention back to 3. “Darling, are you feeling ok? Your face is all red~” They reached out and gently touched 3’s cheek. “And you’re burning up!”

“OK!” 3 shouted, quickly pulling away from both of them, mind swirling in pansexual panic. “One Cyanide Supreme Latte. Aster, you getting any coffee or a bomb or… something?” He didn’t dare make eye contact with the two.

4 and Aster smirked at one another. It was far too easy to get under 3’s skin.

“Well, I guess I can have one of those too,” the enby said with a shrug. “But one question remains. What’s the price?”

“Huh?” 3 asked, cautiously looking towards them.

“How much do I owe such a beautiful creature like yourself?” They asked, placing their chin on the back of their hand. “I mean, I already know you’re priceless. But how much for the coffee?”

“Oh. Uh… well…” 3 attempted to come up with a coherent sentence, red eyes darting back to the notepad in his hands he was using to take orders on.

4 glared at Aster. There was no way he was going to let them win this. He had to pull out the big guns if he was going to stand a chance against them.

3 went about making the coffee, keeping a wary eye on the other two with a face redder than Mario’s hat.

“I’m winning~” Aster laughed quietly, smiling at 4.

“Stupid… high rizz…” 4 mumbled, crossing his arms as he attempted to come up with a plan to outdo them.

They laughed, placing both hands on his shoulders as they leaned into 4’s ear. “Well, how else did I pull two handsome meme guardians~?” They whispered.

A shiver went down 4’s spine as he glared at Aster, cheeks becoming a faint red. “Asshole.”

“You love me~”

“Sadly…”

3 rolled his eyes as he watched the two before placing their coffee on the counter. “There. On the house. Now go away.”

“Aww, Darling, trying to get rid of us so soon?” Aster asked with a playful pout.

“Yes.”

“Damn. Tell us how you really feel,” 4 laughed, grabbing his coffee and leaning against the counter. “But seriously though, what’s wrong with wanting to hang out with our handsome boyfriend?”

“When you two start nonstop flirting with me?” 3 asked, looking between them. “It’s fine whenever we’re alone or with friends, but seriously? I am working here.”

“Exactly,” Aster said, leaning over the counter and kissing 3’s cheek. “That’s the fun part.”

3 huffed, crossing his arms and looking away, earning giggles from his partners. “Bakas… both of you…”

“Aww, SMG3,” 4 cooed, walking behind the counter and putting an arm around 3’s waist. “You’d be bored without us.”

“My life would be so much more peaceful,” 3 laughed, avoiding the blue and purple eyes looking him over.

“Oh, Darling,” Aster said, looking behind them to see no one paying any mind to their antics. They walked behind the counter with the other two, lifting 3’s chin. “You know we love you.”

If 3’s face could have gotten any redder, it would have.

Whatever braincells were left within 3’s brain finally kicked into gear. “Ok,” he said, pushing the two away from him, “I love you too, but…” He pointed towards the door. “I have a business to run. So… out.”

“But Darling, we’re bored,” Aster whined, grabbing 3’s hand and placing a kiss on his knuckles. “Just a few more minutes?”

“We won’t bother you too much,” 4 agreed, wrapping his arms tightly around 3 and placing his chin on his shoulder, pouting up at him.

Aster joined in, placing their head on his other shoulder and pouted, continuing to hold his hand as they wrapped their free arm around his waist as well.

SMG3 shook his head. “Nope. Out.”

“But-” the two tried to protest before 3 pushed them out of the cafe.

“Out!” He shouted before slamming the door shut behind them.

Aster crossed his arms. “Rude.”

4 sighed. “Dammit… who even won that?”

“Me, obviously,” Aster laughed.

“Damn. I don’t even get a chance in that one?” 4 asked, crossing his arms.

“Nope. Sorry, Dear, but I’ve just got more rizz than you.”

“You saying I can’t rizz you up?” 4 joked, standing up and holding out a hand to help the other.

“Oh, I never said that,” they said, smiling up at him as they took his hand.

It’s shorter than what I usually write, but hope people liked this short oneshot! Go check out The Chains of a Fragile Soul on WattPad and AO3! Highly recommend it!

[yearning4star]

I’ve recently just joined sturniolo tumblr within the last couple of months or so, and its safe to say that I’m not a huge part of it yet as I haven’t really posted anything of my own work or really made my mark on the community in regards to customizing my page and making it truly mine, so i know a lot of people within the community dont know me and have never even seen my name within the community but I have some thoughts about the current situations, and I’d appreciate if anyone who sees this took the time to read this!

First off, in regards to the tripouts situation: I’d just like to say that as a member of the LGBTQ+ community (I am pansexual and asexual, if thats important whatsoever), I am not in favor of posting slurs, especially if it is being used in a derogatory or offensive way. Obviously we all know that the f slur has been used against us (us being members of the LGBTQ+ community) in the past and has been “reclaimed” by many people within the community. While that may be true, I personally don’t think that it’s appropriate to be posting that type of language on any form of social media, regardless of your personal experience with it. It’s the same thing with the r slur. While I am not sure exactly how others feel in regards to the r slur, as I am not an individual who has intellectual disabilities or anything to do with that. But what I can say is that at this point its just basic human empathy. It doesn’t matter whether or not you’ve “reclaimed” said slur, i’ve seen many people speak out about how offensive these things are and that should be enough of a reason for you to stop and think for a moment. I’ve also seen many people speak up about the fake apologies and just the overall lack of responsibility. I may be younger to some people, as I am still a minor (not that it matters in this context), but even I know that what you’ve done is wrong. Like I said before, it is basic human empathy and respect.

(TW for the mention of self-harm and suicide! - no descriptions or anything too vulgar) Second, in regards to that one anonymous account (i forgot the name im so sorry): I personally have sh addiction and has attempted suicide multiple times, saying these things about another person who has opened up about their own struggles is NEVER okay. It WILL NEVER be okay. Everybody goes through their own shit in life and everybody copes differently - you have absolutely no right to downplay or insult the way someone else has coped. I hope you take some time to yourself and reconsider everything. I mean this in the most respectful way, but I really do hope that you get help. Whether that’s talking to a counselor or just writing your thoughts down to prevent yourself from contributing more hate into an already unnecessarily toxic community, please just take some time and reflect - work on yourself to become a better person for the love of everything good in this world.

Lastly, a note to anybody who is actually reading this (probably nobody but still). The world is already so divided and filled with hate, I know it’s easier said than done and this may be super corny but please just be kind. Especially with the current world news and everything going on in current events, we all need some love and hope in our lives. I’m not saying you need to befriend anybody you meet, you’re going to cone across people you don’t like in your life, and thats okay - but what is never okay is spreading hate and negativity. It doesnt matter what your past looks like, we all come from different backgrounds and everybody has a completely different story, you never know what someone is truly going through. Please take some time to yourself, just find some time during your day to reflect and let go of any hate or negativity you may have been holding in.

Some things that help me:

going for a walk

journaling/writing

talking to my friends

reading

watching a comfort show/movie

playing with my dog (or any other pet you may have, if any!)

going to counseling/therapy

taking care of my body (eating enough, self-care, sleeping enough, etc.)

[dankdungeonsrpg]

FF X MtG Revised

Recall Illus. Richard Kane Ferguson

First of all, a big shout out to @uncleasriel for really digging into my last design post on this! Sorry it took so long to put this next post together. I hope to answer (most) of your questions.

One line in particular really stood out to me from their post: "Does this lead to fun gameplay? Or does it slow down the game? I feel I'm trying to make Magic: the Gathering with RP elements rather than a Roleplaying Game with MtG elements"

This is an important design decision that is so easy to lose sight of. Do we want Magic to be central to the game (ie, all characters use it, this is a game about dueling sorcerers) or do we want it to a sub-system within the RPG (ie wizards have this spell mechanic, rogues and fighters have their own things going on)

Personally, I like it as a sub-system. That behooves us to be slim in our design for risk of making the game overall too cumbersome.

Buckle in. This is a long (and somewhat disjointed) post.

Fighting Fantasy Skeleton

Kjeldoran Dead Illus. Melissa Benson

I spend a lot of time in these posts talking about Magic, but let's talk about Fighting Fantasy. I did a whole video series breakdown on the system if you're interested.

But actually, let's not talk about Fighting Fantasy. Let's talk about TROIKA. As I've said before, Troika makes one extremely smart mechanical change that fixes a lot of Fighting Fantasy's issues. It reduces base Skill. This ends up making rolls matter more because in the original game a high Skill (by and large) ensures victory. Let's adapt that.

Sidenote: I've done this before with my game AZAG

So here's our stat generation:

Skill - Roll 1d3+3

Stamina - Roll 2d6+12

Luck - Roll 1d6+6

And how we determine starting spells:

9 minus your Skill Stat are how many Ability Points you have

There are 5 Colors of Magic: Black(B), Blue(U), Green(G), Red(R), and White(W)

Distribute your Ability Points among them. Putting a point in a color allows you to cast it. Also, for each point you may choose 3 Common Spells of that color

Another very good thing to look at Troika for is flavor. Troika is a weird science fantasy rpg. It communicates this through it's backgrounds. They are delightful. Ranging from Burglar to Fellow of the Sublime Society of Beef Steaks.

from TROIKA! Numinous Edition

We could make all sorts of character archetypes inspired by MtG's multiverse. Or we could just do one per color. Lots of options in this framework. Plus both settings have multi-planar themes, they just approach them very differently.

Also worth noting that Troika advises 12 Ability Points when creating a custom background. This makes sense, but I just want to dial that back a bit for testing.

Testing Set: 5th Edition

It's not just the most popular D&D edition, it's also a great MtG Core Set.

For testing, I think a core set is important to keep things simple and avoid expansion specific gimmicks, but why use 5th ed in particular? Mostly personal preference. I think it represents a good cross section of the early days of the game, which are the days I'm most interested in.

Maybe it would make the most sense to use a starter set...

Banned Cards, Rarity, and Finding Spells

So what cards do players have access to? The basic rules are:

Remove the Creatures

Remove the Artifacts

Remove the Lands and land dependent cards (Enchant Lands mostly)

Remove Bounce (Unsummon/Boomerang)

Low cost creature destruction bumps up in rarity to Rare (Terror, Pyroblast/Hydroblast)

Remove Reanimation (Raise Dead/Reanimate)

When players choose their three spells on character creation they're looking at commons.

When they find spell scrolls or spell books? Random cards! Maybe not even in a color anyone can cast. Really make it feel like opening a pack. If they're easy to find then maybe just Commons, but if its the archmages study? Gotta be Rares.

Multiple copies of Commons are fine, a couple copies of Uncommons, maybe okay. More than one Rare? I wouldn't recommend it.

Monsters

Chub Toad Illus. Daniel Gelon

As I talked about in my last post on this topic, summoning creatures slows the game down to a crawl!

They're great as enemies though! (as long as an NPC isn't summoning them)

So right now that's all I'm using them for, but in future play tests I may introduce (very) limited use of them as summons.

In terms of creature abilities, particularly those that cost mana, I'm currently ruling that GMs get a Mana Die (see A Round of Combat with: The Mana Cube below). So creatures can activate or do more later into combat.

There are obviously a bunch of edge cases, even in a core set. Honestly I'm just flying by the seat of my pants on a lot of these.

Players fighting spell casting NPCs is something I've tried a bit. Still not super worth it for enemies to be able to summon creatures but starting with minions is fine.

An evil goblin sorcerer with a Flame Spirit, a couple Mon's Goblin Raiders, and a small deck of spells was a great boss encounter!

A Tale of Two Decks

Here's a thing that may change, each spell caster has two decks: One for combat, and one for narrative.

A wizard can decide which spells from their repertoire go in which deck at the start of the adventuring day.

Combat Decks are similar to MtG

We'll get into Combat later, but you're basically just casting these spells as written. You draw, you have a graveyard, the whole thing. One rule I'm not sure on yet is what happens when this deck runs out. In some instances we've reshuffled the graveyard back into library, in others we just view the casters as depleted for spells for that combat...baring a Feldon's Kane.

This deck lends itself to the crunchy cards we may see as better outside the narrative. I'd rather have a Brainstorm in here than in deck number two.

We just don't really care much about color symbols. If you can cast Green spells and Red spells than any mana you generate (outside of an artifact) is Green or Red in any combination you choose.

Outside combat cards are Narrative Decks

This is all about flavor and role playing. You're taking about taking a card name and interpreting it.

Flashfires creates spreading flames

Stasis holds objects or creates in place

Giant Growth makes a creature big

Portent gives a sign of weal or woe

Tsunami summons a wave

Flight...well you know

In a previous post I referred to this as Miltonian Casting, citing the way spell effects work in Ben Milton's Maze Rats, although unlike that game, we're not really generating spell names on the fly, just what they do. Also, pretty sure Milton is not the first person to do this. So I'm just going to call it Narrative Casting for now.

There are some limits, most obviously that if spells are in your Narrative Deck they can't be in your Combat Deck. Also, Narrative Casting is fire and forget. This allowed me to justify Armageddon. Ongoing spells last a number of Turns (10min intervals) equal to their Mana Value. Saving throws isn't something I've tried yet, but tying that to Mana Value in some way also feels like a good first step.

A Round of Combat with: The Mana Cube

Mana Vault Illus. Mark Tedin

I tried out the Hearthstone mana method mentioned in previous posts. It worked pretty well! We used a d6 (since it's the only die type in FF) that ticks up each round to track mana for casting.

Here's how Round 1 of combat currently breaks down:

Place character sheet, any artifacts or other items you control, your Combat Spell Deck, and a d6 (Mana Die) in front of you.

Set the Mana Die to 1

Draw a card

Take an Action (This can be casting any spell, activating an Artifact, or swinging a sword. Tap cards as normal and consider yourself tapped when you're done. Remove the Mana Die if you spend your 1 mana)

Pass Turn

Subsequent Rounds:

Untap

Increase Mana Die to 1 higher than it was last round (it's like lands, so spending your 1 Mana on Round 1 doesn't mean you're starting over at 1 Mana on Round 2)

Draw a card

Take an Action

Pass Turn

You can do things like activating abilities or casting Instants whenever, as long as you have the Mana.

We were worried this would be slow, but actually the narrowing of choice helped a lot. When players started with a multi card hand and could cast with Stamina it was overwhelming. Remember, it's still an RPG. You can use your action to attack with a sword or climb a way. There's still plenty to do while you wait for your Mana Die to increase.

You may also have noticed that the Mana Die (being a d6) means players cap out at 6 mana. Yes. I may change that later but for play testing right now. It's a workable limit. Get your hands on a mana generating artifact, play a Dark Ritual, or just play Green if you want more.

Misc Rules

Pentagram of the Ages Illus. Douglas Schuler

Artifacts: They're basically just items. Find them in the word and use them as written in most cases. They're not spells so you don't draw them. They're just on your character and thus "in play" when combat starts. Outside, as with any card, we interpret narrative-ly.

Enchantments vs Auras: Currently Enchantments are what you cast on yourself and Enchant Creatures are what you cast on others. Sometimes you can cast Enchant Creature cards on yourself too...its a bit squishy right now.

Lands: Still not involved. Not that there weren't some great ideas thrown out about them, but it's just an element I don't feel comfortable incorporating yet.

Attunement: I really liked the Attunement ideas in @uncleasriel's post. It's something I want to mess with in my next play test.

What even is Banding? Scientists just don't know.

End Step

The next thing to do here is just to write this up as a play test rules doc. That probably would have been quicker than writing this whole dang post...whoops. Anywho, that's my next thing, along with another play test.

[sarcophagid]

humbly asking, do u have any ithamom headcanons? 🥺🤲

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG THAT HIS (HER) LETTER CAME OUT

i did do a preliminary review of her letter with a bit of speculation on her character here but here r some of my personal less canon hcs:

i think lagertha is relatively tall and athletic, and although she doesn't fight with her clan anymore she still has a very striking appearance. some people in leng possibly thought she looked scary, especially since she was also a foreigner to them. 

lagertha is likely well-travelled and well-read. this is a bit more extrapolation from her letter, but over time she developed a lot of philosophies about how society and civilization work, as well as frequently questioning peoples paths in life and the idea of 'destiny'. she seems like someone who is both introspective and analyzing others. 

personality-wise, she usually remains down to earth, following her own principles and reasoning. the vilulf clan would later be known for going against the common traditions held by other clans, and i think even in her time, the character and values of an individual mattered more to them than affiliation. for this reason, i think she was more open to (and eventually committed to) leaving the clan to pursue her own path. 

lagertha follows a different religious faith than whatever was practiced by the rest of her clan. i think from context, this was the same faith as the one practiced in the plateau of leng - although there were possibly alterations because she continued to stargaze and practice cultural customs (ie. they were all christian, and lagertha also converted but did not practice christianity in the exact same manner). however given the strictness of the faith in leng this was eventually used to condemn her. 

^ i think although she was disliked by the church, lagertha may have connected with certain elements of the text/teachings, or even individual people. it's very likely ithaqua never had a positive impression of this faith, but lagertha states that it 'resonated deeply with [her] soul'. on a less serious level there is the whole thing about a star leading her to a special child 🤔 ithaqua jesus figure theory coming soon trust 🙏

despite her overall optimistic and open minded attitude, i think she still gets at least anxious about their safety due to the traumatic nature of the initial attack she faced - i think her optimism itself could be an attempt to combat the sense of hopelessness of being alone in a faraway place where you're seen as a threat with nowhere safe to go.

it's possible that lagertha had interacted with other people while in hiding. i'm just making the nitpick of the mothers day art having items in the house that would have to be imported (ex. metal tools). but regardless, while most of their time was spent in isolation i wouldn't rule out the possibility of lagertha trading with travelling merchants.

in terms of hobbies and passions, i think she could've been a writer in another life 🤔. or some other form of passing down the things she's learned over her lifetime. she does canonically tell stories so i wonder...

i also think she wasn't that much of a homebody given she's used to travelling and moving a lot, and it just never fully settled in.. she's active and outside often even if there's no major errands to run.

i think i may have more lighthearted ones but those are all my ideas so far 🤔 lmk what you think!

[vesperpharsalius]

Have you listened to the RR audiobook? It’s free with Spotify premium and I really appreciate how the narrator swings between an Irish and English accent, it feels very textually relevant.

Hello!

No, I have not. My audio processing skills are for shit; I’m critically dependent upon subtitles and can’t comprehend anything, really, from listening alone. So, no audiobooks for me. And I’m very old–fashioned when it comes to books, tbh; battered and bruised physical copies collecting dust on my shelf, for the most part. 

But I am aware of what you’re talking about and I deeply appreciate it, too—the deliberate shift in accent. I’ve seen it discussed before and I absolutely agree that it’s textually relevant, especially where Darrow’s shift between monologue and dialogue and the ‘Gold’ accent itself is concerned, as it corroborates much of what the canon implies about how Golds speak.

Most aspects of Red culture and society are still nebulous, but perhaps the most significant thing we do know is that they’re all culturally, and perhaps even ethnically, Irish. And not just in a subtextual way that’s designed to imply or evoke a heritage without stating one outright. In his conversation with Darrow after he’s rescued from the Jackal in Golden Son on p. 389, Dancer says this, on the origin of bloodydamn:

It's a fine word. Rolls off the tongue. Done some research. Been with us since the first ancestors, you know. The first Golds, the ones with normal eyes and gold uniforms, took most of the early recruits from the poor bastards from the Irish isles after the radiation from London turned the isles into a wasteland. The Golds took the highly skilled migratory workforce and recruited them to be the first Pioneers. Their slang just stuck around, jumbled up a bit. History's fascinating, isn't she?

Reds don’t share a common appearance—the Reds of Lagalos, for example, are dark–skinned although most artists refuse to acknowledge this compared to the fair–skinned Reds of Lykos—and they probably don’t all trace back to that Irish diaspora. But there is something fundamentally Gaelic about their shared culture—the emphasis on dance and music, alcoholism and excessive swearing, remembrance through song, the Vale, naming customs, British English loanwords in mineslang—and the differences between mines appear to be negligible in this regard. 

Darrow’s own accent is quite strong at the beginning of Red Rising—Matteo can barely understand him—and slowly shed as part of his Gold conditioning. In addition to talking too fast, Darrow struggles most with his natural rhotism—his r’s are hard and pronounced and overall in the wrong place in his mouth; he can’t soften and roll them as the Golds do. Dancer’s specific advice is to put an imaginary h before them, which implies that hard consonants come naturally to Darrow, as well.

Quickness, rhoticity, hard consonants and even the tendency to interpose h’s are all characteristic of your standard Irish accent.

The accent does vary from planet to planet and Core to Rim; Reds from the Asteroid Belt, for example, are said to elongate their vowels more, which perhaps implies inversely that the Reds of the Core are fast–talkers even for their caste. But I think it’s fair to surmise they all have some degree of a brogue.

Darrow’s accent is ostensibly suppressed by the time he leaves for the Institute, but I’d like to think it’s not totally absent from his voice throughout his undercover era, to a discerning ear. Also that, once he’s openly Red again, it returns; not in full force, as years of Goldspeak would have a permanent influence on his natural voice, but in a subtler and lighter way that’s still, nevertheless, noticeably different from any Gold.

I’ve implied as much in both Ice and Fire, my Red Rising retelling, and More than Brothers, my Light Bringer oneshot. Cassius is more than a little obsessed with the way he talks and how different he sounds from… well, everyone else. He has the richest fusion of accents, on top of the natural eroticism of his low and commanding voice, that has a magnetic, if not heliotropic, effect on Cassius; both descriptions abound. Even as his strictest suppression, at the beginning of the Institute, Cassius can hear a little bit of the musicality that Matteo just couldn’t wash out with soap—and it’s one of the many things that make Darrow so singularly captivating to him.

So! Delighted to hear the audiobook is doing its part. Darrow should absolutely have an accent, wherever the plot permits, and the Darrowlogue should be narrated with one. Matteo says he sounds like he was born in a dumpster at the beginning of their lessons; I should barely be able to understand his inner–voice, at all. Perhaps it diminishes as time passes and he assimilates more and more into Gold culture, but it should always be there.

It’s one of the last vestiges of his Color, one of the only ways that he is still identifiably Red from an external perspective and one of the only pieces of his pre–Carving identity that he can actually preserve throughout his mission, that he doesn’t have to sacrifice (in his head, at least) and can eventually reclaim—and he does. You cannot tell me he doesn’t, even if Pierce Brown waved at the best opportunity he had to mention it—Ch. 40 of Light Bringer—as it passed by.

But this is all rather obvious, because the canon is explicit, if brief, about the Reds being of Irish extraction. Tbh, the names themselves are a dead giveaway and the mineslang is all the reinforcement you could need. The Golds, however, are a different story.

I’ve discussed Goldspeak before, in this speculation on what formative education before the Institute entails, written some months ago for a friend of mine as a world–building aid, and it’s likely that British English is the primary mother–tongue of Common, especially where the Martian, Lunese, Terran, and Mercurian dialects are concerned. 

The Venusian and Ionian dialects have several loanwords from Arabic and Japanese, respectively, that imply greater distance from English and perhaps even language barriers, but it seems that the aforementioned dialects are fundamentally similar and mutually intelligible. They draw heavily on Latin and English alone, with no apparent influence of another modern language; that leads me to suspect their ancestral language is, indeed, English, or very close to it.

Forgive me for quoting myself, but it’s a long document and this is the relevant section: 

Much of Common—while not equivalent to any modern language given the mere separation for our time and theirs (some thousand years), distinct from both English and Latin, and which Pierce Brown ‘transcribes’ Tolkien–style—nevertheless, does seem suggestive of British English and, to a lesser extent, an antiquated form of North American English. This is most evident in the eccentricities, which are deliberately chosen to distinguish Common from the rest of the ‘translated’ text. Gory is the posh equivalent of bloody and goryhell for bloodyhell; bloody and bloodyhell, of course, are quintessentially British English. Fop and plum, also prominent in the RR vernacular, are English words; swell, ripe, and shag are North American English, Old English, and British English, respectively. Pixie itself has an unclear etymology but the creatures themselves are fundamentally British. And prime, of course, comes from Latin, by way of English.  In an AMA, Pierce Brown described his decision to mash words (archImperator, clawDrill, scarabSkin) as deliberately evocative of Germanic linguistics; English, of course, is a Germanic language.  While most cities have classical names inspired by either ancient Greece or Rome, there are also a fair few on Mars, especially, that have British names—Norton, Yorkton, Caragmore, etc. This is a grace not extended to any other modern language in the Red Rising world.

Continued.

Ultimately, it’s the accent that gives the Englishness of Common away. When Darrow is learning how to ‘talk like a Gold’ on p. 100 of RR, he’s taught to harden his h’s, soften his r’s, elongate his l’s, and speak slowly, in a languid drawl that suggests arrogance, condescension, and a shovel up your ass; if we add elongation of vowels to this list, we’ve just described the Received Pronunciation of British English, also known as the Queen’s English—the most pretentious English accent there is, so–called because only the most blueblooded of aristocrats talk like that. And there’s a sick irony, of course, in the fact that even this post–racial society that’s only faintly English, at best, manages to be virulently Hibernophobic. It’s the thirtieth–second century and the Irish are still entombed at the bottom of the social and linguistic hierarchy. What is more quintessentially English than that? If the ‘highBorn’ accent is close to the RP and standardized across the pseudo–English planets of the Core (more on that later), that must be because of rigorous schooling foisted on children of the upperclass. It’s not necessarily an unnatural way of speaking if you’re raised in a bubble, but the majority of highBorns are almost certainly suppressing an accent that’s indicative of their city, to say nothing of the potential influence of a heritage language from Earth that’s still preserved by their House and distracting them with entirely different practices. In that vein, it’s likely that the ‘lowBorn’ accent is not only more natural but also more diverse and localized, reflective of individual linguistic circumstances and influenced by the culture of wherever that Gold happens to hail from, characteristic of that city or region in the same way a Cockney or Glaswegian or Geordie accent might be—to someone from the UK, at least.  The further removed you are from a place, the less likely you’ll be to notice subtle differences in native accents, which is a good explanation for why Darrow never does, in fact, notice any; to an unseasoned ear, it can be difficult to distinguish more than ‘upperclass’ British English and ‘lowerclass’ British English. To Darrow’s ears, they just sound like posh Golds and crass Golds. But there’s definitely more to unpack there.   ‘MidBorn’ accents likely fall somewhere between the affected RP and their natural voice, depending on their level of affluence (how much ‘corrective’ education they’ve received in how to speak ‘properly’) and pretentiousness (how badly they want to pass as upperclass). And, in defense of the highBorns, that is likely true for them, too. The only one that I can see consistently speaking in the RP without a hint of another influence is Priam, because he truly is that insufferable.

This is the AMA I’m referencing:

Beyond the obvious distinctions between classes, there’s definitely more diversity in regional and planetary accents than the canon insists upon.

Also from the reference:

It’s relevant Darrow is intentionally mimicking Augustus in the scene above, a highBorn Martian reared in Agea, as Lysander mentions the existence of a recognizable ‘Agean brogue’ when he’s describing Mustang’s voice in his IG flashback. He doesn’t mention the characteristics but, divorced from the typical Gaelic context, brogue as a language descriptor implies a very strong accent. Lysander also mentions, at the beginning of IG, that Pytha has ‘spice’ in her voice that betrays her Thessalonican upbringing, which implies that her accent is fundamentally similar to that of the Brothers Rath.  Lysander also notes, in that same scene where he describes Pytha, that the standard ‘Martian accent’ is characterized by a drawl, which implies there are some distinguishable differences between the accents of the pseudo–English planets of the Core. Lysander himself has a ‘lilting’ accent that’s stereotypical of the Lunese and particularly evocative of the Palatine, which implies that Luna possesses both a general accent and distinct localized accents, too. Terran Golds, iirc, are described as sounding flatter and terser than their Core counterparts; Darrow also mentions they’re fast. (Perhaps closer to a standardized American accent than anything British; in juxtapose with the Brits, we [I am an American] often sound flat and fast? Or heavily influenced by a different language, perhaps something native to Asia or Africa, as that seems to be where their population is concentrated, like the Venusians, who almost certainly have residual Arabic in their accent?) I haven’t read DA in a while, so I don’t remember if he describes the characteristics of any Mercurian accent when he’s undercover as Cato au Vitruvius, but it’s safe to assume their voices are also distinctly Mercurian and diverse. And Ionian Golds, of course, have an Afrikaans accent, clarifying that some modern accents have, indeed, survived intact to the thirty–second century. Venusian Golds almost certainly have residual Arabic in their accent. There are no ‘official’ pronunciations of names in the RR world; Pierce Brown has said that everything varies from planet to planet and city to city; for example, in the Lunese pronunciation, Darrow rhymes with sorrow and Cassius has two syllables (Cash–us) while the Martian pronunciation rhymes Darrow with harrow and gives Cassius three syllables (Cass–ee–us). While most characters alternate between dialects, if only between the ‘formal’ highLingo and ‘informal’ lowLingo, they will probably not shed their accent—unless they’re consciously suppressing it. The most affluent Golds are also impeccable imitators and mimickers of other people’s voices. The obvious example is Lysander, who manages to pass as both a Martian and a Mercurian amidst heavy scrutiny, but I think Cassius, who successfully passes as a New Theban for ten years and generally just seems to be something of a conversational chameleon, and Adrius, who puts on a convincing non–Agean persona in RR, are masters of this, too. 

I think there’s also something to be said about the influence of heritage languages on one’s accent. Although Pierce Brown has said that most families in the Red Rising world are ethnically ambiguous by modern standards, there are some with greater attachment and/or stronger links to their Terran/pre–Society ancestry than others, as this AMA attests.

And the fact that families like the Raa or the Saud have such an explicit ethnicity that’s reflected by the language of their homeworld invites the conclusion that other families, especially ones in a similar situation to the Grimmuses and the Valii mentioned above—that is, families who trace back or beyond the Conquering that are highly likely to be aware of their pre–Conquering ethnicity, like the Augustuses, the Lunes, the Bellona, etc—have, to some degree, preserved their ancestral languages.

The canon isn’t particularly helpful in this regard, but there are some implications and hints that can be speculated from, as I’ve done in this expositional bit of lore on my Bellona family—that is, the version of the Bellona family that appears in Alis Aquilae, my series. The TL;DR is that there’s a firm (ish; that is, there is a smidge of corroboration from the canon, if you squint, which is significant in Bellona–ology) basis to suggest the Bellona are Franco–Italian with a dash of Spanish and Hebridean Scot.

To quote from there:

And I think this influences how they speak, if only because they learn all their heritage languages to fluency, as a point of pride. As such, I think they have a tendency to elongate or overpronounce vowels, mispronounce consonants by either elongating them or yeeting them entirely, stress the wrong syllables, deepen/roll their r’s, and mispronounce their t’s as d’s, drop final g’s, and have much heavier intonation/inflection than the average Martian, if they aren’t careful in keeping proper RP. Darrow corroborates some of this, to a degree. He calls Cassius’ voice musical during their initial conversation. Technically, the Received Pronunciation that’s standard for Golds is itself musical, because of the emphasis on intonation and inflection, but Darrow doesn’t describe another voice like this, although they all, presumably, are emulating the RP at the Institute; so, Cassius’ voice is especially musical to his ears, worthy of note. It’s also fast, which it should not be, by any measure; it’s likely the Spanish jumping out. Cassius also uses lots of filler words, particularly ‘eh,’ which is characteristic of both Gaelic and Italian, especially at the end of sentences, as Italians often contrive (infamously so) to end sentences with vowels. And, while love of nonverbal language and gesticulation isn’t necessarily indicative of an Italian, we (I am Italian) certainly do have a reputation for it; Cassius, canonically, is fond of both. The first, fourth, and seventh tendencies, characteristic of the Hebridean accent, are especially strong in Julia and her siblings, as their mother insisted their native language be Scots–Gaelic and, even after they learned Common, she still forced them to speak it—in her presence, at least. Julia didn’t maintain the practice to that extent, but her children were still taught the language.  

Going back to the first document, I mention there, in the section on the likely influence of heritage languages on individual accents, that:

In Ch. 12 of I&F, Cassius has a long conversation with Lea where he clocks her as an Acaron (a small city that’s close to Olympia on the Amazonian coast; it’s canon, but only mentioned in passing, iirc) because he can hear the residual French that’s characteristic of the Acarian accent; their dialect also has French loanwords. Overall, most of my characters, original and canon, have a linguistic situation like this. One of my more prominent OCs, Vindictus, has an odd mix. Courtesy of the more recent Welsh, he has that trademark melodiousness and heavy inflection, speaking much slower than everyone else. But the Russian influence that’s characteristic of the broader Attican (he’s from the Bellona–allied ruling family of Attica that Adrius displaces in GS) accent jumps out in his tendency to start sentences with an interrogative tone and end with a declarative one; basically, the inverse of a Valley Girl. Another one, Deianira, is from a Terran House that only immigrated to Mars about three generations ago; she also spends much of her time visiting relatives on Earth in southwestern India. As such, she possesses more of a Terran accent than a Martian one, speaking faster and flatter (that is, with less intonation) than her Martian peers, and she’s further influenced by her heritage language, Hindi, rarely stressing syllables or words, at all. 

I don’t know the extent to which the audiobooks reflect this (not my inventions, obviously, but a general diversity in voice) and if the Gold characters with similar vocal idiosyncrasies—say, Cassius and Tactus—sound different, at all, or if they’re all just generically British. I know they used to have multiple narrators? For the different voices and, eventually, the different PoVs. But they don’t anymore? From what I’ve gathered.

But if you’re a reader rather than a listener, if you haven’t already, consider this your sign to start using your imagination about how distinct all these Golden voices might be—and all the new and exciting ways they can hate and mock each other as a result!

[revoevokukil]

"Aen Elle’s position to their human servants is diametrically opposite to that of humans’ to Aen Seidhe; possibly also in terms of reproducing with them. All servants Ciri saw at Tir na Lia were female."

Are you implying that an alien se*ually coerced human women?If so, could you please explain the reasoning behind it?(I apologize if I did not guess correctly, as my English skills are not very strong.)

"This fits within the narrative of the Witcher, which makes a point about the inter-group conflict between different waves of migrants being fought both on the battlefield and in bed. [13]"

[13] It is noteworthy though, that Sapkowski’s elves are both the colonizers and the colonized, which is true to real life in many places and times; even if in particular AS drew on the several waves of migration that saw various peoples landing in Ireland and the British Isles, fighting and driving out the earlier inhabitants on each occasion. Aen Elle’s position to their human servants is diametrically opposite to that of humans’ to Aen Seidhe; possibly also in terms of reproducing with them. All servants Ciri saw at Tir na Lia were female.

From: Marriage and Sexual Politics among the Elves

---

In the context of this essay, which dissects how "population replacement" works, particularly in case of invasions, I am alluding to the possibility that long-lived but procreation speed-constrained elves might have used humans or proto-humans as breeding stock.

Depending on the political will driving such mixing, this can come off as natural, or function as one of the most abhorrent sides of genocide.

That this may have been the elves' first approach has been theorized, for example, by the writers of The Witcher game series, in regard to the Dauk and Wozgor. Those human tribes inhabited the North before the First Landing, but they disappeared. Meanwhile, the Aen Seidhe are noticeably shorter than their Aen Seidhe cousins. The theory is that while the Aen Seidhe still held enough power to cull the human population, they may have also bred with them, and then bred the resulting offspring back with the other Aen Seidhe. Hence, you would get human admixture, but still dominant elven characteristics and genes in the long run.

"No elf would lie with a human" - this is propaganda. Either on the side of those losing - to hold on to their in-group - or on the side of those winning - to generate hatred for the out-group. War means r*pe for women on either side and is often used as a systemic weapon of war, especially in patrilineal societies that count belonging and loyalty by blood.

The culture of the Aen Seidhe survives on the Continent because it underlies the alphabet and language of the human tribes, the architecture, the magical learning, and not a few of humans customs. This is a vain hope, however, because in war, elves lost to humans, they cannot keep up with their numbers through reproduction amongst themselves, and face cultural persecution and physical erasure under their conquerors. The only way elven genes survive is in half-elves, quadroons, and further on, in humans who once upon a time had elven ancestors. Are they still elves?

In the world of the Aen Elle, the situation is very different. Humanity holds no political sway, they have lost any kind of conflict they had with the elves. They are the minority - a class of servants - with whom the elves can do whatever they like. Including - and I realise what a dystopian idea this is - practicing controlled breeding, which helps sustain population numbers, but never grows out of control. This echoes what might have happened to the Dauk and Wozgor.

It is curious that all servants that we see at Tir na Lia are women. Most of them are palace servants, but they do work in the stables, too. Less aggressive, more attentive, easier to handle, nicer to look at, more useful and valuable overall than men - for their genetics. Among a race keen on genetic engineering and such shenanigans.

There is fantasy on such elves, which Sapkowski has recommended: Saga of the Pliocene Exile by Julian May. You can also find a thread like this in The Broken Sword (by Poul Anderson), though in Anderson, it's an amoral elven Lord making a changeling with a princess of the trolls, who is held captive for hundreds of years for exactly such purpose. Nasty stuff.

[yellowjacketsfashion]

hiiii :)

i was wondering if you could share your process of finding these items, I've been looking to make an account similar to this but focusing on bands mostly so i was just wondering if you have anything specific that you do or if you just kinda go for it haha

thank you sm <3

Sure!

Since you’re just starting out I’d recommend looking up fashion/makeup specific interviews/articles as they tend to offer insight into potential brands worn or items used. When I first started finding stuff it was really helpful to see the items on shopyourtv.com and other fashion finding sites since it gave me a an idea on some of the brands which I could then use as a jumping off point.

I’m not sure if there are any specific sites for band outfits but on Reddit the r/findfashion subreddit might be a good place to search through to see if there’s anything on there.

It also might be a good idea to check the artist’s social media accounts (specifically instagram) as sometimes you can find information on there. Often celebrities tag their makeup artists/stylists and because it’s their job, they tend to share about stuff they’ve used/brands they like which in turn could help you track down stuff used by the celebrity. Even if you can’t find their makeup artist/stylist, sometimes some celebrities just really like to name drop products they use which is also why I recommend you check.

Unless the items you’re looking for are very recent, the chances are that they probably won’t be in stock anymore so resell places like eBay, Poshmark, Mercari, Depop (etc) are the best places to look. Most of the time the items from Yellowjackets aren’t that hard to find because they’re (for the most part) clothing that’s been made throughout the last 5 years since the Pilot. But looking for vintage pieces is a lot harder because for the most part you are counting on people reselling the items and over time they become less and less available in circulation.

Another thing that’d be good to look at is auctions as sometimes musicians like to sell stuff off for charity or things like that. For example, recently the Propstore Auction had some One Direction stuff up for grabs and in the listing they name dropped some of the the brands such as “Kooples” and “Converse.” See below for photos:

For finding older items, auction houses can be especially helpful as you might not be able to find the items normally due to how old they are (like if you were looking for something from the 60s) or it could tell you if something was custom made (as that kind of thing often happens with celebrities).

But for how I normally find items, this is my process…

The tools I use:

• Google

• Pinterest

• Ebay

The Steps:

• To start I like to find a good quality photo of the item I’m looking for. Pinterest can be helpful for this or Google Images but often times I just take a photo of the item on my phone when possible.

• From there I use Google Lens to image search the item. Though Pinterest and ebay also offer similar features, I’ll wait to use those for if I don’t get good results from Google Lens since that one overall works a bit better for my purposes.

In the example below I used google lens.

• Once the image is in Google Lens (though this works on the other programs too) I crop the box around the item I’m looking for specifically to narrow the search results, in the example above I picked Lottie’s coat from the Entertainment weekly photos.

• I then look through the results that pop up until I find something really similar to the item I’m looking for.

• From there I compare the details of the original item to the one I found to determine if they are the same. This can be color, pattern, fabric, cut, etc. When I find items that are a close match sometimes it’s easier to pick one detail to start with, say it’s a specific collar or which side the buttons are on, if that one thing doesn’t match you can rule it out. If it does match, pick another detail. Maybe it’s something specific to the fabric or the pattern, if that matches just keep picking more details to compare until you’re certain it’s the same item.

• But if you can’t find it, this is a point where it can be helpful to list some of the brands you know the artist has worn in the search to see if that can also help narrow down the results.

• If you still can’t find the item you’re looking for, sometimes the best thing you can do is to put a pin in it and revisit the item at a different time. Sometimes coming back to the search later on can provide you with a different perspective or provide different results in your internet searches that allow you to ultimately find the item.

Hopefully this is helpful! I do have two other posts here and here where I talked in more depth about different aspects of my process if you want to check those out as well. But if you have any more questions though feel free to reach out!

You’ll have to send your blog my way once you get it running!

[adhdo5]

completely random question but how would you rank o5ver on a scale of most to least r/malelivingspace

Teeth EXTREMELY high on this scale. Not only is Area 77 this series of fucked up cavernous hangars empty and just painted cement like Confinement ass test chambers but Teeth's overall situation right now is the cosmic equivalent of IDo NOT DESERVE ........... a Bed Frame .

Bureaucrat has things in his office. Barely. Living the austere life of it all

Ambassador's is less pathetic than Cowboy's but Ambassador edges him out on this list because it's more insane. The closest thing he has to a permanent office is his getaway helicopter, which is definitely some kind of insane influencer situation

Cowboy isn't blatantly this he's not a textbook case but his office is pretty visibly unlived in. The customization basically ends with the stupid ass cowboy routine it's all he has; the only thing tht distincts his office from the standard issue is that it gives you lung damage

Forward's office has (periscopic) windows which makes it insanely good by O5 standards but it's also basically just an armory and he sleeps also in standard dormitory

Lesser is despite his convention hall of an office pretty low bc while that is a convention hall he is real into ergonomics and cares about his equipment

Archivist sits in the dark in her archive and she lives in there. It has things necessary to sustain humanoid life including a minifridge with like konjac jellylikes and similar; it is clean, tidy, and well taken care of but it is also notably insane because her priorities are so weird but it is also absolutely visibly a workspace modified so she has to leave it as little as possible. It's archivemaxxed.

Outsider's space is significantly less comfortable/customized but you can tell that she is being kept busy? Like it's very enthusiastically lived in and full of stuff. There's some things in there that are Nice that have been Given To Her but it's got the ~slight barrenness of transience

Founder seems like he shouldn't be this low but it doesn't have the implicit self loathing. His fucked up inner sanctum may be hostile to human life but that's because it's for him specifically. In his element.

Physician is lower than Founder mostly because his office is jam packed full of nonsense and he likes it that way. Everything is visible all the time or he will forget about it

Nazarene is a carpenter and she's given up enough in this fucking world. Area 01 has some of the top dorm bedding in the Foundation and she has learned a hard lesson about letting her office serve her needs insofar as she's sitting there. It's also generally nice, apart from the skulls and the smell of blood

Site 17, being the sapient containment facility, is the Greenpath of Foundation facilities and Philosopher's offices (plural. Site 17 is big and he's forgetful) r no exception, especially since Philosopher (who in this respect is pretty normal) spends a decent amount of time in them and also they have to have good optics. You can have plants in there. You can have carpet. The dormitories are nice (makes Zyn and Kondraki further unhinged for sleeping in the aviary 90% of the time). He gets the medal for being the most well adjusted guy on the list

Tamlin House, being nonbinary, is everywhere and nowhere on this scale.