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tragedybunny · 1 year

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Sunlight and Stars in the Sky part 2 - Astarion x F!Reader

First part - here

Weary and embarrassed you try to put distance between yourself and Astarion. But you slowly come to realize things are changing between the two of you.

Astarion is gone when you wake up, probably out hunting, and you breathe a sigh of relief. At least you won't be able to embarrass yourself further. Throwing yourself at him, being refused by him of all people, forcing him to let you into his tent to calm down, and that nonsense you'd spouted, gods he must've been so annoyed with you.

All he wanted from you was a bit of fun, some enjoyable interludes during this journey you'd found yourselves on. You weren't so naive that you thought there was more to it. Yet he'd somehow found a little place in your heart. Which you had stupidly exposed to him last night with that stars in the sky drivel. If he kept his distance from now on, you'd know why.

Head pounding from the wine, you fumble around for your boots. Slipping them on, you hurry back to your tent, and throw yourself under the covers, glad you didn't run into Astarion. The rest of the night is filled with fitful sleep, the drink making you nauseous and your memories driving you almost to tears. When the sun at last rises, the camp awakens muted and somber. Unable to face him, you wait until the scent of breakfast fills the air to finally leave your tent.

Naturally he's somehow right there. "Good morning Darling," even he seems muted after everything, probably worried you'll be all over him again, "feeling better?"

"A little, sorry for the trouble last night," you murmur hastily, trying not to look at him before rushing off, unable to make yourself listen to his conciliatory response.

Breakfast and breaking camp take far longer than they should and your solemn crew takes to the road that leads beyond the monastery to the shadow cursed lands much later than they should. As seems to be your fate though, not even a simple road is easy, and a group of undead bar the way. Body and mind aching, you fumble through the fight, spells missing their target, and reactions slowed. You don’t see the monster that’s crept up on you until it’s nearly too late to dodge its flailing attack. Suddenly the earth lurches and you’re facing the dirt. Panic constricts your chest, death is so close, even all you managed to overcome wasn't enough. Rolling, you try to get your feet under you, and find your assailant hovering over you. Your lungs inhale what is likely your final breath and you tense just a crossbow bolt sprouts from its forehead. It stumbles back and Karlach’s axe removes its head from its body.

Most of the gory sight is blocked from your view as Astarion appears over you, crossbow back over his shoulder, pale hand outstretched and brow furrowed. “Are you alright my Dear?”

You wince and take his hand, twice as humiliated as before. Reaching a sitting position, you stop, your body unwilling to go further. Everything from the Nautiloid, to the Creche, to making a fool of yourself, bears down on you, and it’s all too much. One win at the Grove amongst a tide of wounding losses. Hands rub at your eyes to push away the tears. “Sweetheart,�� Astarion is suddenly crouching next to you, brushing your hair out of your face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you shake your head, pulling away from that touch that you want to be real affection so badly.

“You look exhausted.” Before you can protest, he’s turning to the rest of the group. “We should stop for the night.”

“Tsk'va, we’ve barely made progress,” Lae’zel snaps, any good humor she's developed gone for the moment, “we still have worms in our head, did you forget that whilst basking in the sun.”

His eyes narrow for a moment, and he looks like he’ll shout back, but he contains it. “We’ve all had a hard time, and we’re in rough shape. Let’s get some rest and start fresh in the morning.”

They don’t need to be told he’s talking about you, collapsed in the dirt, and you can feel their eyes turn on you. “That sounds eminently reasonable," Gale chimes in and the rest assent.

"Let's go find a nice spot," Karlach says brightly, taking Wyll by the hand and leaving the main road.

The others follow in their wake until just the two of you are left. Reluctantly, you start to get your feet under you, feeling as weary as he says you were, and silently start off towards them. The crunch of his boots tell you Astarion is just behind you, a small mercy as he can't see the state you're in. Your chest aches, you can't seem to banish the tears that keep threatening, and nothing feels like it has a point anymore. When you catch up with the others, they're already setting camp for the night, with Gale prepping dinner with as much cheer as he can muster and the others barely speaking at all. The whole of it seems like too much and you collapse on a log near the fire, Astarion joining you seconds later.

Shifting closer, he looks like he's about to speak when the sounds of an argument draws your attention and he just sighs instead. "The Underdark is backtracking, a waste of time and dangerous." Lae’zel is shouting at Shadowheart.

"Well it might deter the interference of your people," she returns.

"That is a point, this road is already dangerous," Halsin chimes in.

"What do you think," Wyll has wandered over from setting up his tent and turned to you. For the second time today, your whole group is looking to you, only this time they're expecting that leadership you've shown them this whole journey.

"I…" you just can't find it in you.

"Gods," Astarion growls, "can you all not make one simple decision without her? She's tired and you're putting this on her. It's bad enough you expect her help solving all your petty problems."

"But it's fine if it's your petty problems, right Astarion," Gale accuses, his face dark. You know his problem is far from petty.

"Say that again," Astarion hisses and does something you've never seen him do to one of your companions, he snarls and bares his fangs.

"Astarion," you scold, stirred from your stupor finally and he gives you a wounded look. "Let's just get some dinner in everyone. Then we can discuss the Underdark." They need you, it would hardly do to give up now.

"Right, you heard the lady, give her some space until dinner is done," Karlach waves them off and gives you a wink.

Part of you expects Astarion to be angry with you for the reproach but instead he gently takes your hands in his. "How about I get the tent set up, you can rest before dinner. Or you could stay there the whole night, you don't owe them an answer."

The tent, your mind reels. It's his tent and he's never been fond of anyone infringing on his space. Is he still feeling sorry for you? You cringe, and pull your hands from his. "I can stay in my own tent."

"Oh," he seems to shrink in on himself. "I had been wondering since you were gone when I got back last night. Did I do something wrong? I admit I'm new to having someone close like that.” His voice is quiet and unsure, and nothing like what you’re used to. “Or maybe it's my temperature, I know I'm not exactly very warm," he offers and laughs somewhat awkwardly.

"I just don't want to…" For the first time today, you really look at him, and you don't see the same Astarion you've been traveling with. His eyes are wide and soft, his expression full of hope and longing and not scorn for the world around him. You find his hands where you left them, as though waiting for yours. Something has changed, something that makes your heart flutter and chases away the darkness of your thoughts. You were going to say pretend; pretend he wanted you there, pretend you didn't make an idiot out of yourself; but that doesn't feel right anymore. "Impose," you slide your hands back into his and small smile ghosts over his features.

"Love, I told you last night, you're not imposing. Well you were very drunk," a small kiss on your cheek makes you flush, “perhaps you don’t remember.”

“Some rest is probably a good idea,” you admit, giving in to the ethereal moment that seems to be burgeoning between the two of you.

He squeezes your hands before letting them go. “I told you so,” his usual smirk is back in place but it’s softer than before.

While he’s gone you try to temper yourself, this could be temporary, and you should focus on your very grim situation, your losses and setbacks are still real. But it all vanishes the moment he’s leading you back to the tent and settling you into a pile of pillows and blankets, some of them from your own supplies. Your things, mingled with his, the two of you, joined together. With your approval very visible from the smile you can't hide, he joins you, pulling you into his arms so your head rests against his chest. From around the fire you hear voices, friendly banter, spirits are lifting, hope is prevailing. You’re glad but still so tired, and it’s so nice here with Astarion, a little peace for just the two of you. “Thank you, I really needed this,” you murmur sleepily.

“Think nothing of it, my Sunlight,” he kisses the top of your head.

It brings back the other night, but there’s no awkwardness for you now, you spoke true, no matter what happens from now on, he’ll always be the light of all your nights, the beauty out of darkness. “My Starry Sky.”

He gives a small hum of approval, “I am growing fond of that nickname,” and he holds you tighter. There’s a note of sadness you think in his voice, but you’re almost asleep, maybe you imagined it.

#astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #astarion x f!reader #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #x reader #baldurs gate 3 fanfiction #my fanfic #my writing

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ever-eilish · 3 months

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Hii! Can you write a fic for billie eilish? Fem reader is scared of the dark and Billie cuddles us in bed to make us feel safe.

Scary

billie eilish x fem! reader

you are forced to face your fears, not meaning you have to do it alone

author's notes: this one is very sweet! i really enjoyed writing this, so I hope everyone likes it as well; thank you so much for your request, sorry it this is not what you wanted! once again, english is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes! enjoy💕

warnings: reader has a panic attack, but I did not write much about it; overall is very sweet and pure fluff!

You don't know exactly when it started. You don't exactly remember being a scared child, or fearing the dark as much as you do now.

The only thing you know is that, after a certain age, night lights become increasingly useless in comforting you, and what started as 'just a night' of sleeping with all the lights on, has become a habit.

You knew that at some point in your life you would have to overcome this irrational fear of the dark, but you just felt like the time wasn't now.

The lights were on, obviously, as night fell behind your window on the right side of your queen-sized bed, and Billie was on your left side, her head resting on your chest, legs tangled together, as she did something on her cell phone, while you were just staring at the dull, white ceiling, while thinking about absolutely nothing, just enjoying the company of your beautiful girlfriend.

We should buy something to decorate this ceiling, you made a mental note, this being your first coherent thought in a few minutes.

Just as you were about to go back into the sea of 'thinking about nothing' while staring at the ceiling like a maniac, Billie's voice fills the room.

"Darling, did you know that penguins-" her speech is cut off when a large thunderclap hits the ground, making a huge sound throughout the house.

Before you could even process what was happening, the lights went out and everything went silent.

Your breathing hitches, your fear of the dark showing as you quickly begin to hyperventilate.

Damn, why did this have to happen right in front of Billie?

Despite not wanting to have a meltdown in front of your girlfriend of a few months, your brain quickly starts to go haywire due to the lack of light.

Billie quickly realizes what was going on, and although it's not a frequent topic in your conversations, she remembers having already heard you mention your 'irrational' fear of the dark, so in one swift movement, Billie lifts her head from her chest and sits down, pulling you to sit on her lap in a way that both of your legs were to one side and your body to the other.

"My love, breathe with me" Billie says, and begins to breathe slowly, hoping you will follow her example.

"I'm fine, it's just-" you are cut off by Billie placing a loving peck on your lips.

"Just breathe with me, okay?" she says, and you decide to follow what she says.

The two of you stayed like that for a while, and you could already feel yourself getting better, your breathing stabilizing and your fears calming as Billie rocked you back and forth in a calming motion.

"Feeling better?" she asks, her voice small and, although you can't see her face because of the dark, you could almost feel her big smile on her face.

"Yes" you answer almost in a whisper, partly because you're embarrassed for having a small panic attack in front of your girlfriend. Billie noticed your discomfort quickly and hugged you tighter.

"You have nothing to worry about, princess" she says "I love you and I want to see you well"

Even though both of you had already said 'I love you', hearing her say it so naturally still sends goosebumps and butterflies in your stomach, in the best way possible.

Suddenly, the dark didn't seem so scary anymore.

“I love you too,” you say, laying your head on Billie’s chest.

Maybe you could even get used to the dark, if it meant you had Billie to comfort you every time.

#fanfic #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #write #billie eilish #billie eilish x reader #billie eilish x you #billie eilish imagine #billie eilish x y/n

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screaminglygay · 11 months

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Rough day

pairing: wanda maximoff x fem!reader

summary: you had a shitty day, wanda is there to help you.

warnings: swearing a bit, not proofread

word count: 1.4k

an: i was feeling down, so here is some fluffy wanda

!MDNI!

It was a rough day; you knew it from the morning when your bed was empty, and your lovely girlfriend wasn’t there. Without Wanda by your side to warm your bed and your heart, today was bound to be a struggle, but you were determined not to let it break you. But oh boy you were put back into reality right away.

And to make matters worse, your day only went downhill from there. First, as you were getting ready for school, you spilled your coffee on the counter, instantly jolting you awake. To make matters even worse, you realized you were running late, and had to sprint outside without a jacket or umbrella, and of course, the weather decided to remind you of its ever-present cruelty, opening up the heavens with a downpour. It was definitely not your day, but you just had to hold it together somehow.

By the time you walk through your apartment, you are exhausted. You are hungry, thirsty, and shivering from the cold, and all you want to do is slip into the warm embrace of your bed, but not before a hot meal and a long, hot shower.

As you wearily enter your apartment, the scent of a delicious meal floats through the air, a comforting reminder that Wanda is back home and cooking dinner. The aroma fills your senses, offering a brief respite from the miserable day you had so far. The familiar scent, a mix of spices and warmth, wraps around you like a soothing embrace, momentarily lifting your spirits.

You peel off your coat and leave it by the door, feeling the chills running down your back, you move further into the apartment. Wanda's presence is like a beacon of light in the darkness of your day, and the anticipation of a warm meal and a hot shower is your lifeline.

You head towards the kitchen, where Wanda is busy at the stove, her back facing you as she works her culinary magic. The clinking of pots and pans, the sizzle of ingredients in the skillet, and the rhythmic chopping of vegetables fills the room.

Seeing her there, pouring her love and care into the meal, should fill you with a sense of gratitude and relief, but today is different. The tension that is building throughout the day seems to intensify, and your frustration and sadness linger, despite the comforting aroma in the air. You know that no matter how terrible your day is, Wanda's presence and her unwavering support could make things better, but the emotions welling up inside you are hard to shake.

You can´t bring yourself to smile as you approach her, and although you wrap your arms around her from behind and rest your chin on her shoulder, the gesture felt more like an act of seeking solace than a display of affection. The scent of the simmering dinner mixes with the natural scent of her hair did little to alleviate the storm of emotions within you.

Wanda turns to you, her eyes fill with empathy and love, but as she gazes into your eyes, she senses something is terribly wrong. She places a tender kiss on your forehead before gently asking, "What's wrong, my love?" Her voice is soft, and she reaches out to cup your face with her warm hand.

The weight of the day, the loneliness, and your unresolved emotions finally overcome you. Tears well up in your eyes, and before you knew it, you were crying uncontrollably. The tears stream down your face, and you can´t hold back the emotions any longer.

Wanda holds you close, her arms wraps around you in a comforting embrace. She whispers soothing words and assures you that it was okay to cry, that you were safe with her. As your sobs grow more intense, you feel a surge of panic rising within you, your chest tightening, and your breathing becoming erratic.

Recognizing your distress, Wanda holds you even tighter, gently guiding you to sit down. As you cry and battle the panic attack, Wanda holds you close and whispers soothing words to reassure and comfort you. "Hold my hand, love. Squeeze it if it helps. I'm right here with you." Your girlfriend whispers.

You cling to her hand, gripping it tightly, seeking the anchor she provides, "you're safe, my love. I promise." She whispers again.

Her words were like a protective shield. "I'm right here, right beside you. Let it all out, my dear. You don't have to hold it in."

Your cries continue, but you find solace in her presence, in the warmth of her embrace, and the security of her words. Wanda's unwavering support and love provides a sanctuary in your moment of vulnerability, and you know that you can survive any storm as long as she is by your side.

After a while, your sobs subside, and Wanda continues to hold you gently, speaking in a soothing tone. “It's okay, my love. You are doing great. Just take slow, deep breaths. I'm here for you, always."

You focus on your breathing, gradually regaining control and finding comfort in her words, "that's it. You are getting there. You're so strong, and I'm so proud of you."

Feeling more composed, you slowly nod in response to her words.

"Would you like a glass of water, dear?"

You nod again, and Wanda gets up, to get you a glass of water. As she stands up you immediately grab her hand, “I´m not going anywhere, I´ll be right back, I promise.”

After literally a minute Wanda comes back and hands the water to you, you take a few sips, feeling better already.

"Do you want to talk about what happened today, or would you rather just relax for now?" She asks.

You nod, indicating that you do want to talk about what had happened during your difficult day. Wanda listens as you recount the events, sharing your frustrations and sadness, and the details of the day weighing so heavily on your shoulders.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, my love. It sounds like an incredibly shitty day."

You continue to speak, and as you did, you feel the weight of your emotions lifting. Wanda offers a comforting presence, her eyes filled with empathy and understanding.

"I'm here for you, dear. I am glad you are sharing this with me. It's important to talk about what's bothering you." Wanda, seeing that you need a mood boost, decides to lighten the atmosphere with some good-natured teasing.

And of course, Wanda is determined to see you smile. "Now, let me see the pretty smile of yours, malyshka." She says with a twinkle in her eye, using a term of endearment that made you blush slightly.

You try to resist her charm and maintain a serious demeanor, but Wanda had a way of breaking through your defenses, every single time. "Oh, I see, you're playing hard to get, huh? Well, should I just do this?" With a mischievous grin, she launches a tickling attack, her nimble fingers dancing across your sides and making you squirm and laugh uncontrollably.

You can´t help but laugh, caught off guard by her playful assault.

"There it is! That beautiful smile I adore so much,” keeping her eyes locked on yours.

You pout, still half-pretending to be serious, but Wanda's teasing is impossible to resist.

"Oh, come on, malyshka, don't be mad at me." She looks at you through eyelashes in a comical display of innocence.

You can´t help but burst into laughter again, realizing that resisting Wanda's infectious playfulness is a futile endeavor.

"That's my girl! So so so so pretty.” Wanda whispers into your ear.

As the playful banter and laughter filled the room, your girlfriend can´t resist but let her affection show. She leans in, her eyes lock onto yours, and then her lips meet yours in a gentle, sweet kiss.

The sensation of her soft lips against yours sent a warm and comforting feeling coursing through you. It is as if all the frustrations and sadness of the day are replaced by a comforting embrace of love and affection.

You felt your cheeks warm as you pull back, blushing slightly, but Wanda's eyes were filled with tenderness and care, "you're so beautiful when you smile, malyshka.”

You smile back at her.

"No matter what happens, always remember that I'm here for you. Okay?”

You nod.

“I need words, malysh.”

You nod again, but this time you whisper back, “I know. Yes.”

#adele writes #wanda maximoff x fem!reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff #wlw #fluff #marvel fanfiction #marvel universe #wanda maximoff fluff

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yan-lorkai · 9 months

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Imagine yandere Lucifer punishing his darling but instead of spells or line writing he goes for the silent treatment or just leaving them in a dark and enclosed space so and now there darling is getting flashbacks on how they were punished as a child and is begging him not to leave them

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Warnings: Yandere content, guilt tripping, child abuse, panic attack + comfort for the said panic attack, toxic relationship, probly some typos (❁´◡`❁)

You can still hear them, your parents screaming, their voices reverberating off the walls until everything goes silent. It is common for fights of this type to occur now; your father tries to protect you from your mother's extreme punishments, but he can never convince her to tell him where the basement keys are hidden.

Your father, blessed be his heart. He's was not good at defusing tension, throwing insults and punching things, and using a tone of voice so angry that it makes you shake and hold back crying.

Your childhood was like this, silent, ignored and sad, you often observed the world from behind the door lock. You could hear very faintly the news on television, you heard songs that your mother sang in an arithmic and out of tune tone, she gossiping with her friends, and above all you imagined a different life. A different world, with someone who loved you, with someone who protected you.

Things got even worse after your father's death, but you never told Lucifer these details. It wasn't a pleasant conversation to have, even though you trusted him a lot and you knew he would calmly comfort you and ease your fears, there was still distrust and pain present in your heart. You used to imagine a pink, pretty and glamorous love, and really Lucifer was all of that. But he had an additional danger lurking in the darkness of his heart, in his sharp-toothed smile and in his hands with huge claws that encircled your waist.

He was a demon and like all demons, the Morningstar loved possessively, a love so suffocating that it stole your entire essence. But you didn't care, you didn't know better and you let him take whatever he wanted from you without thinking twice. Lucifer was an extremely sweet and soft boyfriend most of the time, but he also was incredibly methodical.

Stopping to think now you don't know if he ever really loved you or the idea of you. The idea of a human lover who was strong and survived the seven lords of hell, the idea of a lover who was kind and funny and so fragile he could rip you in half with a single punch. Maybe that was why Lucifer loved having you on his lap so much, resting his face on your neck while he worked, he needed something weak to feel strong.

Just like your mother needed you to blackmail your father. The strong overcoming the weak, hunter and prey. And once again there was nowhere for you to run or anyone to help you.

The problem with ideas is that they are fragile, they break easily. Today instead of you coming to spend your time with Lucifer like you always did, you preferred to spend time with Simeon and Luke. They were your friends, it was only natural. But apparently it wasn't something that pleased Lucifer, he didn't like it one bit and he let you know this with the severe expression attached on his face.

"I will give you a chance to redeem yourself," ruby eyes staring into yours as if he withheld all the truth in the world and you were the most lying human he had ever seen. As if you were a flower that he needed to cleanse of the weeds that corrupted you. "Apologize if you will."

There was something different about him as soon as you found him. The soft sound of piano coming from his record player as the open windows let the air in and the dark atmosphere sink into your bones, a shiver went down your spine just like it did when you witnessed Lucifer punishing one of his brothers.

A bitter taste spreading in your mouth as you watched him cross his arms and smile. But it wasn't the same smile he gave you as soon as you got a good grade on your test or right after you two woke up. That smile was one of fascination every time he whipped Mammon or killed a demon, dark, sly smile that made a knot curl in your throat and tears of fear come to your eyes. A dark smile.

You remembered your father's voice. You remembered the slaps you received from your mother and your little world in the basement. You trembled, not knowing how to respond or act, only being able to count how many times Lucifer sighed or the number of times his feet made contact with the floor. The silence stretched until it seemed obscene. And the Morning Star had reached the end of his patience, disappointed in your silence and angry at being your second choice.

He crossed his office with slow steps, his expression now more neutral, Lucifer held your face between his hands tightly, his nails bruising your skin. You waited for anything, screams, attacks, except Lucifer touching his forehead to yours and looking into your eyes as if you were a dumb little thing. There was tenderness and there was fear, and there was a little of everything, your heart beating confusedly inside your chest as you drown on your own feelings.

"My sweet, naive summer child, you don't know what you did, do you?" He uses that condescending tone that almost makes you roll your eyes, but you don't, realizing that you're already in trouble and you don't want to irritate him even more. "Lovers are always each other's first priority, MC. Ever."

Your eyes widened as Lucifer freed your face from his hands and turned onto his back. "Wasn't I good enough for you, Mc? Have I not cared for and loved you always, as a good lover would? So why am I not your first priority like you are mine?"

Oh. You had hurt him. Oh my, you had hurt him.

You denied, pulling his arm so he turned to face you again. "No, no, I love you very much, Luci, I don't have eyes for anyone but you and I'm sorry if I made you doubt my feelings."

But he remained standing with his back to you, thinking, Lucifer was unpredictable when he was hurt, he was angry in his actions and vengeful in his words, and when he was quiet like this you always felt a little apprehensive. He walked away without saying anything in return, back to his paperwork, as if you weren't even there.

Was he ignoring you? You decided to move closer to him, guilt pounding in your chest as you sat down in the chair he always kept next to his. The same chair you left empty today while you were having fun with the angels, not thinking about how lonely he must be feeling being alone all day.

Were you really so wrong about spending time with your friends? Several minutes passed in silence, broken only by the sound of a pen dragging over paper and your breathing. It was so uncomfortable, the silence, you turned to see the closed expression that had closed on Morningstar's beautiful face, eyebrows twisted, lips set, he wasn't happy at all.

"Lucifer, can we talk?" You asked.

Lucifer, however, remained silent, not giving in to your words. He hummed his favorite song as he read and signed documents, smoothing his bangs as they fell in his eyes. In other times he would be reading to you out loud as you had confided in him that you loved listening to him speak, you would pull your chair closer and lay your head on his shoulder. You hated the silence.

In the silence you remembered the days spent in the basement, the sleepless nights and the shadows that crept from the walls to you, close to touching you before disappearing. And then the cycle repeated itself, your parents screamed, you listened the news and the gossips, night came and the shadows return, tauting you, mocking you.

You looked down, feeling the depth of the wound you had caused. The silence persisted, heavy, as you remained distant from each other, trapped in a moment of disagreement and hurt. The tightness in your heart became unbearable, suddenly you were back in your small basement room, the light fading, the cold crackling over your skin.

You looked down, your feet chained to the walls again while roachs and rats runned past you. And Lucifer... Lucifer had abandoned you because you ruined everything. Your body tightened, you took one, two breaths until you realized that the oxygen was not able to reach your lungs.

'He hates you.' An annoying voice screamed in your mind, making you flinch on your seat. 'He's going to break with you. He's going to leave you alone again.'

'If even your parents couldn't love, why he should?"

'Undeserving and ungrateful, good for nothing human.'

Too much noise. Too much silence. Too much everything. Invisible hands started to climb up your body, leaving you trembling and gasping for air.

Everything is crashing down on your already overwhelmed mind. You were stumbling in the darkness, without a light in sight, no end in the horizon. No switch to flick the light on, no Bringer of light in sight. Trapped forever here, alone. You clutched onto your chest with weak fingers. Your lungs were rising and falling at a far rapid pace, one you couldn’t gain control of. Everything was burning. What was this?

A panic attack? A heart attack?

A pair of hands found their place on your shoulders, nails digging straight into your skin, burning, scratching. You felt lightheaded, a thin line of sweat bathing starting to run down your neck as you tried to breath. Your eyes were open but you saw only darkness in front of you, you could breath only darkess, for it was only you and darkness that existed right here and right now.

The only good thing on your life was your relationship and you destroyed it so easily, so mindlessly.

There, in the darkness you could see your mom's face wearing a twisted smile. You struggled against your shackles backing away from her at every step she took on your direction, red painted nails trying to reach you, trying to harm you again as she always did.

“Breathe in, darling.” Lucifer’s voice cut through the panic, voice sounding too angelic for a demon like him. “Look at me, darling, I'II help you.”

You still looked at her, smile on her lips, eyes wild with angry. You whimpered, trying to put some more distance between you two.

She disapperead as soon as Lucifer placed your hand on his chest, freeing you from her mirage. “Slowly breath in!” You followed your lover's instructions, breathing through the nose at the same time as him. If anyone could save you from the darkness and the pain now, it was him. “And out- keeping going, darling, just like that.”

There was urgency in his voice you realized. But why? Why would he care when he hated you? The voices on your head had lied to you? But he also had leaved you alone - though you did the same to him just earlier, it's true.

“Breath in-” Light. It was you how would describe him, black as coal hair being lightned by a broken halo. He held onto you so softly, wiping the thick tears that you haven't even realized that were falling. You could see that he was confuse, scared even, since not even Mammon behaved like this after or during a punishment. "Everything's ok?"

The cat seemed to have caught your tongue, your head lolling forward as your entire body collapsed into his chest. Tired, that's how you felt, tired of the pain, tired of the darkness and having to remember that person.

That person who should love and protect you. That person that made your life a living hell just because she could, because it was fun, the same person whose house you would return after the exchange program.

Sobs erupted from your chest, trembling again in Lucifer's arms but from a different reason now. From exhaustion, from fear. Your arms circling his torso with enought stregth to knock him up if he was a puny and weak human. But he was not. He was not, if he was cruel like her then he would be laughing now, he would bellitle you.

He was not cruel. And he couldn't know that ignoring you would trigger such reaction. It was all your fault.

You looked at him, brows furrowed, apprehension on his eyes as he hold you, hands rubbing your sides and back. Lucifer was nothing like her, would never be like her even in a million years.

"I'm sorry." You whispered unable to formulate a better apologize. "Don't hate me, please."

Please, don't leave me. Please don't take the light away. Just please stay, you wanted to scream, want to let him know what happened. But couldn't, eyes blurry with fresh new tears, lips trembling, and Lucifer held you gently. He knew you couldn't talk right now, could see in your eyes that you were unable right now with panic and fear swimming in them - any and all reasons for your sudden outburst forgotten while he comforted you so gently.

The awful silence was replaced by your lover's loud little kisses that he peppered your face with. "It's ok, love, I've got you."

IBut you were right, he was nothing like your mother. In fact, he was worse and he recorded this entire event on his mind, replaying it, trying to find a reason why you reacted that way.

With time he could use this to shape you, could train you to never leave him, to never look at anyone else, to not even thinking any dumb throughts. He smiled, bringing you much closer than before, there on the floor, for you have fallen without realizing, hugging him, you felt safe again, felt loved, if only you realized that his love was toxic and suffocating... But it's too late now.

#yandere obey me #obey me #yandere lucifer #yandere lucifer x mc #yandere lucifer x reader #lucifer x mc #lucifer x reader #obey me lucifer #lucifer avatar of pride #lorkai drabble

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jksarchives · 4 months

Text

IRRESIST

PAIRING: jungkook x reader

GENRE: vampire jungkook, human reader, slight fluff, heavy angst

TAGS/WARNING: violence, manipulation, manhandling, assault, murder, blood, attempted rape (nothing graphic!), angst, sensitive/paranoid oc, panic attack, trauma

WORD COUNT: 7.8k (excl. synopsis)

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯! 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘵𝘴 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘯𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦!

𝗦𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗖𝗧𝗟𝗬 𝗡𝗢 𝗣𝗟𝗔𝗚𝗜𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗦𝗠 𝗢𝗥 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗦𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡

SYNOPSIS;

Trust between a human and a vampire in the context of love is a complicated series of challenges that combines fear, curiosity, and vulnerability. For humans, trust involves overcoming natural instincts and societal conditioning. They deal with the temptation of the unknown while faced with the vampire's inherent danger. Meanwhile, the vampire, often burdened by decades of loneliness and secrecy, must rely on their own restraint and loyalty of their human partner in the face of their ravening thirst.

You trusted Jungkook despite what your parents had instilled about his kind and your own paranoia. You loved him, and you had never loved someone so much as him. But from time to time, you couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if Jungkook had broken your trust. You knew he had good control of himself and would never hurt you that way, but the thought of the unpredictable future scared you a bit.

𐚁₊⊹

Once considered creatures of myth and legend, vampires emerged from the darkness years ago to proclaim their dominance over the earth. They conquered humanity with their immortal lives, undefinable power and thirst for blood, reducing humans to an alienated minority fighting for survival at night.

Amongst the group of oppressed minorities was you, a young college student born into a society where fear and caution were as essential as the air you breathed.

Raised as an only child by parents who had witnessed the horrors of vampire dominion firsthand, you were nurtured with an inherent sense of alertness. They taught you how to navigate carefully in a world where one wrong move could cost you your life.

You heard all sorts of horrifying stories, but it wasn’t until you witnessed their brutal savagery with your own eyes for the first time. And as you grew older, you continued coming across more of the atrocities.

You could never stomach the fact that you lived in a world where merciless monsters ruled over the world and hunted humans like animals, and everyday you were scared for your life and those of who you cared about.

But it was about two years ago when your whole life changed.

It was quite late that day, you were hurrying home after a late class and your mind was preoccupied with thoughts of assignment. But little did you know that the night would transform your world forever.

You were walking through the deserted alleyway, and when you rounded a corner, you stumbled upon a chilling sight. A tall figure stood towering over another man, and his hand was wrapped around his neck with a tight iron grip. The man helplessly tried to break free but it was clear to you that he was no match to the other guy.

You were frozen in horror as you witnessed him effortlessly snap his neck. As you watched the lifeless man’s body drop cold with a thud, a bloodcurdling scream tore from your lips, echoing in the isolated streets as terror gripped your soul.

When the dark figure turned to face you, you felt the colours on your face drain completely. You felt as if your heart was about to jump out of your chest.

He was everything you had been warned about — tall, terrifying, and unmistakably a vampire. His eyes were ruby-red, like pools of crimson fire, and somewhat mesmerising. His skin was pale as a ghost which seemed to glow under the moonlight.

He then began to walk towards you, his movements slow and fluid, like a predator eyeing his prey. Your mind was screaming at you to turn and run, but you felt your feet glued to the ground. And as he drew closer, your heart raced at an unimaginable pace. Your breathing was erratic as droplets of sweat cascaded down the side of your face.

But to your surprise, he didn't lunge at you with fangs bared, ready to drain you of your lifeblood. Instead, he was looking at you with his head tilted to the side, studying your trembling form with curious intensity.

“Are you afraid of me, human?” he asked, his tone tinged with amusement. You nodded, unable to form words as you stared into those crimson eyes.

“You have every reason to be,” he continued, his lips curling into a sarcastic smile.

Like a flicker of light, you saw the colour of his eyes shift to a darker brown.

“But I assure you, I mean you no harm”.

His words should have sounded hollow, devoid of sincerity. After all, he was a vampire, a creature of the night who thrived on the blood of the living. And your instincts screamed at you to flee, to run as far away as possible from this creature of the night.

But something held you in place, a strange mixture of fear and curiosity. You found yourself studying him, taking in every detail of his supernatural presence.

And as you looked into his eyes, you sensed a hint of something else beneath the surface — loneliness, perhaps, or even longing.

Jungkook had walked the earth for ages, witnessing the rise and fall of empires, yet never finding satisfaction in the short-lived pleasures of mortal life. Many feared him, and those who knew of his existence muttered his name in hushed tones, since he was the very definition of a hellish vampire — ruthless and violent.

But the more you learned about him, the more you understood that he wasn’t everything that people described him to be. He was savage for sure, he was also someone who knew his boundaries and had control over himself.

You remembered when you first encountered him. You couldn’t lie, he was everything you have been warned about. But as your encounters became more frequent, you found yourself strangely drawn to him. You wanted to know more about him despite the nagging sense of danger.

And as your relationship blossomed, you discovered a side of Jungkook that few had ever seen — a side that was gentle, compassionate, and fiercely protective.

Your biggest challenge at that time was confronting your parents about your relationship with Jungkook. You both knew that your love was forbidden, and that both sides of the society would never accept your unique relationship.

You, in particular, were worried about your parents' reaction, knowing all too well of the presumptions and hatred that existed against beings like Jungkook.

While it took time for Jungkook’s parents to finally accept you as someone more than just a human they fed on, you knew it was still early to reveal everything to yours. However, the truth could only be kept hidden for so long, as secrets have a way of revealing themselves in the light of day.

It took a lot to muster up courage to tell your parents everything, and Jungkook offered to go with you. Their reaction was exactly what you had expected. Horror contorted their faces, their words laced with disbelief and disgust, unable to comprehend how their daughter could be entangled with such a vile creature.

You remembered how they pulled you away from Jungkook who was sitting down next to you, fear written over their faces as they shielded you from him.

Jungkook could only sit and stare in pain, yet understandably. He knew to be silent, because anything he said would fall in deaf ears. Humans knew better than to trust monsters like him.

But despite their rejection, you remained steadfast in your love for Jungkook, unwilling to abandon the one who had captured your heart. You understood that they were trying to protect you, you couldn’t blame them for that, but at the same time, you knew what you were doing.

If anything was to go wrong, you would be the only one to be blamed.

[𝟶𝟾:𝟷𝟻 𝚙.𝚖.]

It was a chill night, and you found yourself nervously adjusting your dress, your fingers tracing the delicate lace. It was Yunho’s, Jungkook’s best friend's, birthday, and though you weren’t quite sure about going, you knew you had to attend out of courtesy at least.

As you and Jungkook entered the grand mansion where the party was being held, you couldn't help but feel a shiver run down your spine. There were quite a lot more guests than you had expected. The atmosphere was charged with energy, the air thick with the scent of sweat and alcohol.

It made you scrunch your nose up in disgust. The whole aura made you uncomfortable, but not more than the fact that the house was practically filled with vampires and you being the only human.

You just couldn't shake the feeling of being out of place, like a lamb wandering into a den of wolves. You clung onto Jungkook like he was your lifeline, pressing yourself against him like glue.

“It's okay, I won’t let anyone hurt you” he whispered, his voice soothing against your ear.

As the night wore on, your discomfort slowly waned as you engaged with Jungkook’s friends and the other guests. You learned that a lot of them were quite chill and fun to be around despite being bloodthirsty creatures.

You discovered shared interests with them and exchanged playful banter. You even found yourself joining in on a game of charades and chugging down shots with them. But you made sure to not go overboard.

“Babe, I’m going out to smoke with the boys, will you be okay on your own for a few minutes?” your boyfriend walked up to you and asked.

“Mhmm, I’ll be fine” you told him and gave him a warm smile, “shout if you need me” he quickly pecked your lips before walking off with his three friends. You sighed and took a sip of the apple juice.

Just then, Yunho emerged from the crowd. “Hey, Y/n” he greeted, “oh hey Yunho” you greeted back with a smile.

“Could you perhaps go and grab my charger from my room? My phone is about to die and I’m kind of in the middle of a game right now” he asked, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Sure, where’s your room?” you stood up straight, “first floor on the right, and if you keep walking straight you’ll find a black door. That’s my room” he smiled.

“Okay, I’ll get it for you” you said to him and walked off.

As you made your way up the grand staircase, you couldn't help but admire the intricate details of the mansion's architecture. The plush carpeting beneath your feet muffled your steps as you ascended to the upper floor. Each hallway seemed to stretch endlessly, branching off into different wings of the house.

Despite the vibrant atmosphere downstairs, the floor upstairs seemed to be a huge contrast — as if no one was supposed to be here.

You felt a sense of unease crept over you as you glanced down the long, dimly lit hallway leading deeper into the mansion. The vastness of the house and the thought of getting lost intimidated you.

In the end, you finally managed to find Yunho’s room. Twisting the golden doorknob, you creaked the door open, revealing a very spacious and elegantly furnished room.

After a brief search, you found the charger on a bedside table. And as you went and reached for it, a voice startled you from behind.

“Need a hand?” Yunho’s voice broke the silence, causing you to jump slightly in surprise.

“Gosh, you scared me” you sighed in relief, placing your hand on your chest.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Just wondering what was taking you so long” he let out an airy chuckle as he stood with one hand in his pocket.

You chuckled nervously, feeling slightly embarrassed, “it's alright, I guess I just got a little lost in this enormous mansion of yours” you said. Yunho stepped further into the room, his eyes scanning around before they turned back onto you.

“Yeah, it can be a bit overwhelming at first” he muttered, “but don’t worry, you’ll get used to it around here” he said. The tone in his voice dropped into something sinister, and your smile dropped instantly.

Before you could say anything, the door slammed shut on its own with a loud bang, causing you to jump in fright. Your heart began to race, panic coursing through your body as you realised you were trapped in the room.

You rushed towards the door, your hands trembling as you tried to turn the handle, but it wouldn't budge.

“What are you doing?” your voice shook with fear as you turned to face Yunho, only to find him standing there, a smirk playing on his lips.

Your breath hitched when you saw his fangs protruding menacingly and his eyes glowing scarlet red, a disturbing reminder of the gruesome nature of a vampire.

When he began to walk towards you, you began to move yourself across the wall to the other side of the room. “S-Stay away from me” you warned, struggling to steady your breathing.

“Oh darling, you can’t tell me what to do” he growled with his disgusting grin. With each step Yunho took, your fear threatened to consume you whole.

You pressed yourself against the cold stone wall, searching desperately for a way out, but finding none. The room seemed to narrow around you, suffocating you with his evil presence.

“Please, Yunho, stop this” you begged, feeling yourself choke up with panic.

But all your pleas fell into deaf ears as he slammed his hands on the wall next to you, trapping you under his monstrous body. “Jungkook really hit a jackpot with you, huh?” he leaned in close and took a long sniff from the crook of your neck.

“Your blood, it smells fucking sweet” he said and he dragged his tongue along your neck.

With a rush of adrenaline, you gathered all of your courage and lashed out, striking him with every bit of strength you had. You kneed him in the groin and pushed him off you, watching him drop to the floor groaning in pain. You caught a glimpse of surprise on his face before it contorted into a mask of wrath.

“You bitch” he gritted his teeth as he stood back up on his feet.

With a snarl, he lunged at you, grabbing you by the neck and slamming you against the wall. Pain seared through your body as you fought to loosen his iron grip, your muscles straining against his inhumane strength.

“Jungkook sure taught you well to defend yourself, but I’d like to see you defend yourself now” he grinned sinister as he let go of your neck.

Before you could even catch your breath, Yunho picked you up and slung you over his shoulder as he walked over to his bed.

“Let go of me you sick bastard!” you screamed as you hit his back with your fists, but Yunho remained unmoved. In a matter of seconds, he threw you down on the bed and cuffed your wrists with his single iron gripping hand.

“You can scream all you want darling, no one is going to hear you” he smirked as he hovered over you.

Your glossy eyes widened in horror as your breathing became more erratic. “N-No,” you shook your head, trying to push him off. But he was too strong. “GET OFF ME!” you screamed your lungs out.

“JUNGKOOK!”

┄┄┄┄┄

After indulging in a smoke break with his friends in the dim courtyard, Jungkook went back inside to join you again. But he frowned when he couldn’t find you from where you were standing earlier.

“Have you guys seen Y/n?” he asked around.

His question was met with shrugs and indifferent shakes of the head. No one seemed to have noticed your absence amidst the buzz of the party. But then he noticed something else that he found a little odd. Yunho was nowhere to be seen either.

“Hey Baekho, have you Y/n? Or Yunho?” he asked one of Yunho’s close friends who was drinking with the rest. “I don’t know about Y/n. But Yunho said he was going to his room to get something” Baekho shrugged.

Jungkook muttered a small ‘thank you’ before making his way upstairs. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was wrong.

Reaching Yunho’s room, he could hear muffled voices from inside. He tried to open the door but it was locked. “Yunho? Are you in there?” he knocked on the door, but no answer.

Frowning, he attempted to open the door. And miraculously, the door opened on its own, like the lock was being controlled.

When Jungkook opened the door, the sight in front of him made his heart drop.

“Yunho? Y/n?” his voice was barely audible due to shock.

His shoulders dropped as he took a step inside. Unknown to Jungkook, Yunho’s lips curled up in a smirk as he laid on the bed. And straddling him, hair tousled and eyes wide with shock, was you. Quickly wiping the smirk off his lips, Yunho pushed you off and got off the bed.

You, eyes wide with fear and desperation, got up and ran to reach out to Jungkook, your voice trembling as you tried to explain yourself. “Jungkook, l-listen to me” you said as you held his arm.

But Jungkook was quiet as he stared at you, standing there as his mind reeled with a thousand emotions. Before you could go on to say anything else, Yunho cut in.

“Your girlfriend isn't all innocent as she plays Jungkook” he said as he fixed his clothes. “I tried to stop her, and remind her that she has a boyfriend, just she just wouldn’t listen” he tried to explain.

All Jungkook did was stare and listen to what was being said. “You lying bastard!” you screamed, lunging towards the blond haired vampire and grabbing him by the collar.

“We’re going home” Jungkook’s deep murderous voice spoke up, and you froze at the chilling tone that you never heard before.

He grabbed you by the arm and dragged you out of the room, and you briefly turned to Yunho who smirked as he waved his hand at you.

“Jungkook wait! He’s lying! That’s not the truth!” you protested as you tried to keep up with the speed that he was pulling you with. But he said nothing.

When you finally reached downstairs, all eyes were on you. “Stop!” you shouted, stopping in your tracks and harshly pulling your arm out of your boyfriend’s tight hold. Your chest heaved with each ragged breath, your hands trembling as you clutched your dress.

“We’re not leaving until you know the truth!” you said.

“Stop making a scene Y/n” Jungkook gritted his teeth as he stepped towards you. “I’m not Jungkook! Your best friend is a fucking liar! He tried to-”

“I think you had quite a lot to drink Y/n, you should go home and rest” you heard Yunho’s voice cut you off. You saw Yunho making his way downstairs and the guests made way for him to walk through towards you.

“You’re my best friend’s girlfriend Y/n, I would never have any ill intentions about you” he looked at you with a soft gaze, but you knew it was all fake.

“It’s okay, I know you made a mistake, you don’t have to lie” he then said, and you didn’t miss the slight smirk that he gave to you.

At the moment, you felt your body fire up in anger. And then, you raised your hand and smacked him hard across the face. The crowd of guests gasped in shock as Yunho’s head snapped to the side, and Jungkook was quick to pull you back.

“You asshole!” you screamed. Yunho clenched his jaw as he tried to control his anger, and he raised his head back up and smiled at you. “You’re a monster, a sick bastard! You don’t deserve to be Jungkook’s friend, or anywhere near him!” you ranted.

“THAT IS ENOUGH!”

Jungkook’s loud angry voice cut through the air, silencing everyone in the room. You flinched and turned to your boyfriend, swallowing a thick lump as you eyes his furious form.

Without saying another word, he grabbed your arm and pulled you with him. You turned and glared at Yunho for the last, whose smirk never seemed to fade the entire time.

The music faded into the background as you both reached outside. You stumbled along the way, trying to keep up with his swift pace, and your heart raced with anxiety.

“Jungkook please listen to me” you pleaded, but he remained quiet. His jaw clenched tightly as he dragged you towards the car.

┄┄┄┄┄

[𝟷𝟶:𝟶𝟶 𝚙.𝚖.]

The door swung open with a loud thud as Jungkook stumbled through, his eyes clouded with anger. The usually quiet and snug atmosphere shifted abruptly as he dragged you inside by the arm with a force that made you whimper in pain.

Your cries echoed through the large hallway, a desperate plea for him to release you from his iron grip. Tears streamed down your cheeks, mixing with the traces of blood from where his fingers dug into your delicate skin.

“Please, Jungkook, you're hurting me” you sobbed, your voice barely audible amidst the chaos of your entry. But Jungkook’s grip only tightened, his face contorted with rage as he pulled you further into the house.

Finally when you both reached the living room, he released you with a harsh shove, sending you sprawling to the floor. You curled up into a ball, clutching your injured arm as tears continued to stream down your face like waterfall.

For a moment, there was silence as you looked up at him in disbelief and fear. The only sound heard was his ragged breathing and your choked cries as he glared down at you.

This wasn’t him.

This wasn’t the man who promised you his love and protection.

Pushing yourself up, you steadied your trembling limbs. You then began taking cautious steps towards him as you reached your hand out for him.

“P-Please, hear me out, please baby” you pleaded with your shaky voice. But Jungkook was quick to push your hand away, his expression hardening as his fists clenched at his sides.

“What is there to hear about Y/n? I saw it, you were fucking all over him!” he yelled.

You violently shook your head in denial and grabbed his hands in your shaking ones, “n-no, it’s not what it looks like! Please, you have to believe me” you panicked.

“H-He asked me if I could fetch his phone c-charger from his room a-and I went to get it. T-Then he just came in out of n-nowhere a-and locked the door, a-and he-” you frantically blabbered, but Jungkook’s loud voice stopped you midway.

“STOP!” he screamed, causing you to flinch and cower in fear. “Don’t you even try to make up excuses.” he gritted his teeth as he took a step forward.

“Seriously Y/n? My best friend? You chose to fuck with my best friend?” he questioned as he took another step closer. Each step he took towards you, you took a step back, until you found yourself being trapped in between his intimidating presence and the brick wall behind you.

“It’s not like that Jungkook, he’s lying. Please listen to me, it’s all a misunderstanding” you cried, your eyes begging him to believe you. You let out a sharp gasp when he slammed his hand on the wall next to you.

“Shut up! Just shut up!” he yelled in your face. “Yunho and I’ve been best friends for years, way back before you or your grandparents were born. I know for a fact that he’s not what you’re trying to paint him as, so just fucking stop, okay?!” he said.

Your heart dropped, but then it started to race as you began to realise that the man you loved may be slipping away from you over a grave misunderstanding. Your shoulders dropped in defeat and all you could do was stare at him with your tearful eyes.

He wasn’t believing you.

“You don’t believe me, do you?” you asked, your voice barely above whisper.

Instead of answering, he leaned in closer to you, your noses almost touching, as his nose flared in anger. A choked sob escaped from you, “what do you think of me as Jungkook?” you questioned.

“Do you think I’m some kind of slut? Is that what you really think of me?” you silently cried.

“You know me better than anyone. You know what I love and what I hate. You know my fears. But most importantly, you know that I love you, and only you” you said. “I can’t believe you would question my loyalty” your words came out as a whisper.

You were angry. Hurt. Frustrated.

The man who was supposed to take your side was now against you, blinded by what he only saw on the surface and not the depth of the truth.

Not wanting to deal with him any longer, you pushed him off you and tried to walk away. But Jungkook quickly caught you by the arm and pulled you back, slamming you against the wall. You whined in pain as your back came in contact with the hard brick wall.

“Where do you think you’re going? We aren’t done talking yet” he snapped, and you felt his fingers digging in your shoulders. “We’ll talk when you’re in your fucking senses” you snapped back, glaring at him with your red and glossy eyes.

“Now let me go” you tried to remove yourself from his tight grip, but he was too strong. The struggle to break free from his hold would soon come to a stop when you heard a low inhuman growl. When you looked up at Jungkook, you saw something that made your blood run cold.

His once gentle gaze now glowed with a sinister crimson hue, and you watched in horror as his fangs elongated before your very eyes.

“J-Jungkook?” you stuttered in fear. A guttural growl escaped his lips, sending shivers down your spine as you realised. He wasn't just angry — he was something else entirely.

“You’re mine, and only fucking mine. Got it?” he growled. Your heart hammered in your chest, your breaths coming in short, panicked gasps as you struggled to free yourself from his grasp. “S-Stop Jungkook, you’re s-scaring me” you tried to tell him.

But he was far from reality.

A terrified squeal escaped your mouth when he grabbed your face and pulled it close to his. “Jungkook,” you whispered, your voice barely audible above the pounding of your own heart. “Please stop, you’re scaring me baby” you choked on your sob.

But there was no humanity left in his gaze, no trace of the man you loved. Only a possessive rage that made your stomach churn with dread. This wasn’t your boyfriend. This was a creature of the night. A monster that everyone feared.

A vampire.

Your breathing was erratic. You struggled to breathe as the world spun around you. You clutched at your chest, your heart racing uncontrollably. And when it couldn’t withstand the weight of fear and distress, you felt yourself slipping. And before you knew it, your vision soon faded into darkness.

The last thing you remembered was your body dropping down, but a pair of strong arms caught you just before impact.

As Jungkook caught your limp form, his mind snapped back to reality. He blinked and shook his head as the haze of his vampire instincts faded away. Slowly, his eyes travelled down to your unconscious body, and his heart dropped like a stone in his chest.

“No…no no no” he panicked.

He cradled you close, his hands trembling as he brushed the strands of hair from your pale and tear stained face. “Y-Y/n?” he shook you, “baby wake up, I-I’m sorry” his voice cracked with desperation.

But you remained unresponsive. Your breathing was slow and faint, and your body was cold. “Fuck! What have I done?” a frustrated cry escaped from him. Regret was consuming him whole. But at the same time, anger boiled within him, directed not at you, but at himself for losing control. He didn’t mean to, but he was a monster after all.

His eyes stung with tears as he quickly picked you up in his arms and rushed you up to your shared bedroom. He kicked the door open and walked towards the bed. Gently placing you down, he fished out his phone from his back pocket. With shaking hands, he dialed his private doctor. After a few rings, the doctor picked up. Jungkook hurriedly expressed his urgency.

Ending the call, he chucked his phone on the nightstand. As he awaited help, Jungkook sat down next to your still form and tenderly held your hand, feeling his heart heavy with guilt. “I’m so sorry baby, I don’t know what got into me” he sniffled as his thumb gently caressed over your cold hand.

He knew he fucked up. He knew things weren’t going to be easy when you woke up, and he feared it would change your relationship forever.

Perhaps your parents were right, he really wasn’t any different to the other vampires. All of them were blood sucking creatures, and that perhaps that was their only purpose. Maybe he really wasn’t capable of loving anyone, let alone a human.

┄┄┄┄┄

[𝟷𝟷:𝟹𝟻 𝚙.𝚖.]

Jungkook paced anxiously around the room as the doctor checked up on you. And after what felt like an eternity, the doctor finally straightened up and met his gaze with a reassuring smile.

“She's fine, Jungkook. It seems like she fainted because of shock and stress” he explained with a calm and steady voice. Jungkook’s shoulders sagged as he let out a shaky breath of relief.

“She just needs to rest for a while. I’ll give her a vitamin injection and it should help her gain some energy when she wakes up” he then explained. Jungkook nodded and let the man do his job.

The doctor, Dr. Kim, checked your vitals once again using his stethoscope and blood pressure monitor. Once he was done, he removed the stethoscope and covered you with a blanket before turning to face Jungkook.

“Nothing to worry about now, she’s going to be alright. She should be awake in the morning” he said to him. “Thank you Dr. Kim” Jungkook thanked as his tired eyes stared at him, his voice filled with gratitude.

“No problem, if anything else happens, do call me” he said, and Jungkook hummed. Having said that, he helped him back to his car.

┄┄┄┄┄

[𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚍𝚊𝚢 — 𝟶𝟾:𝟻𝟶 𝚊.𝚖.]

As the sunlight crept through the curtains, you began to stir from your slumber. With a soft groan, you slowly sat yourself up, your eyes squeezed shut against the throbbing headache. Your hands gently massaged your temples to soothe the pain, taking slow deep breaths.

As the dull ache subsided, you opened your eyes expecting Jungkooking to be sleeping next to you, but he wasn’t there. The side of his bed was neat and empty, like he hadn’t slept there at all.

The events of last night flooded back to you like a tsunami, and you couldn’t help but shiver. Your mind raced with many thoughts which were all over the place, but nothing more than dread and heartache. You weren’t ready to face him at all. You were simply scared to.

Removing the blanket, you got up from the, and you almost lost your balance which caused you to stumble. Your legs still shook even after everything yesterday, but you managed to push yourself to stand firm. You never thought you would have to be cautious in the very house you felt safe and protected. It felt as if you were living the way you have lived before you met Jungkook.

You looked around the room and gulped, nervous to move a muscle. You were scared he was going to jump in front of you with his menacing form and glowing red eyes.

But you felt icky and disgusted from Yunho’s touch, and you wanted to wash off every mark and scent of him from your body. Inhaling a breath, you took your first step, and you walked towards your wardrobe to grab clean pair clothes. You then proceeded to make your way into the bathroom.

After the shower, you changed into your blue jeans and plain white shirt. You stood in the middle of the room as you looked around with a heavy heart. The room, once filled with laughter and love, now felt cold and unfamiliar to you.

Shutting your eyes for a brief moment, you let out a shaky breath and controlled yourself from breaking down. You had one thought in your chaotic mind, and it was that you needed to get out of here. You opened your eyes and went to grab a large suitcase and a duffel bag. You then began grabbing all your clothes from the wardrobe and stuffing them into the suitcase.

Each item you carefully folded and placed into the suitcase held memories of yours and Jungkook’s time together: the pale yellow sundress which you wore on your first date, the denim jacket which you wore when you had your first kiss, the polka dot pyjamas you wore when you both had your first argument, and the red silk dress you wore the night he made love to you for the first time.

Your movements were slow and deliberate, your heart growing heavier as the wardrobe became emptier. Tears welled up in your eyes as you zipped up the suitcase and the duffel bag, and your hands dropped to your sides as you stepped back a little.

You looked around the room one last time, not missing a single corner. You looked at the photo frame on the wall above the bed, it was the two of you smiling together, taken on a sunny day in the park. You could help but feel a pang of sadness in your chest.

You could feel the muscles in your chest tighten in despair at the thought of how all this was ending. How had it all come to this? But you knew you couldn’t stay here anymore. Despite your love for Jungkook, you couldn't shake the fear that was bubbling inside you.

Maybe what happened yesterday was a wake up call, that no matter how much he loved and cared about you, the shadow of the monster that he was would always be part of him. But most importantly, you couldn’t ignore the betrayal you felt and the lack of trust he had in you.

Sniffling and wiping away your tears, you grabbed your things and turned around to leave. But the sight of Jungkook standing by the door made you gasp in fear and drop everything you hand in your hands. “Y/n?” his voice was calm and low, something that would’ve usually soothed you, but not now.

Jungkook looked at you and your packed belongings before his eyes turned to you. “You’re…leaving?” he asked with a hurt voice. But you stayed quiet as your breathing started to quicken.

Jungkook knew you were still shaken so he tried to be careful and calm with his approach. “Can we talk? Please baby” he pleaded as he took a step forward, only for you to take two steps back instinctively. “N-No, stay a-away” your voice shook. Jungkook’s heart sank at the rejection, but nothing more than the fear that was written all over your face.

You were scared of him.

He felt a lump form in his throat and tears prickle in his eyes. “I’m not going to hurt you” his voice cracked. He knew you would be scared, he just didn’t know how bad it was until he took another step forward with his hand reaching out to you.

You screamed as you backed away and fell to the ground. And you pulled your knees to your chest while your hands clamped to your ears. “P-Please, d-don’t come near m-me” you fearfully said. “Y/n-”

“I’m sorry, please don’t hurt me” you cried, cutting him off.

And in that moment, Jungkook felt his whole world fall apart. His eyes widened slightly and his breath hitch, and his knees grew weak before he dropped down to the floor. The silence was loud and deafening, only your muffled sobs and ragged breathing could be heard.

Who would’ve thought that a bloodthirsty monster like him would cry over a mortal human whom he scarred and traumatised for life? “B-Baby, I’m not going to hurt you” he choked on his cry as tears streamed down his face, “please don’t be scared of me”.

But his words seemed to fall on deaf ears as you continued to cry, your fear too overwhelming to be soothed by mere words.

“I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry” he slowly crawled towards you, but you immediately pushed yourself back. Jungkook’s heart only sank deeper and deeper. His usual pale face was flushed as he desperately tried to comfort you, and somewhat himself.

But he knew he was losing you, and the reality of it all scared him. Jungkook knew that whatever that he tried to do, it wasn’t going to work. You were beyond his reach now.

“But you did Jungkook” you finally spoke up as you raised your head, “you did hurt me” you said.

You looked at his crying form as his eyes made desperate pleas towards you. “You hurt me when you didn’t believe me, you hurt me with your words, and you hurt me the way you manhandled me like I was some ragged doll” you snapped at him.

“If I stayed conscious any longer, what were the chances that you weren’t going to hurt me?” you lashed out, questioning him. Jungkook remained silent as he questioned himself.

Was he really going to hurt you?

“I wasn’t thinking straight, I really wasn’t. I’m so sorry” he croaked.

“No amount of sorry is going to fix this Jungkook. The damage is done” you shook your head. “I was begging you to listen to me, to believe me, but you didn’t. You just let your jealousy and insecurities get the best of you” you continued.

“I don’t care how long you’ve known Yunho for and how good of a friend he is to you, but he’s a sick bastard who tried to take advantage of me. And just when I tried to fight back and you walked in, he took it as a perfect opportunity to paint me as a cheater, and you believed him” you said.

“I’m sorry” he kept mumbling as he silently cried. “You know how scared I am of vampires already, did you really think I would ever cheat on you with one?” you asked. You took off your leather jacket and rolled your sleeves up to your shoulders.

“If I had really cheated on you, I wouldn’t have these on my arms” you said as you pointed at the dark spots of bruises on both of your arms, most importantly the hand print around your neck.

Jungkook’s cries came to a halt when his eyes landed on all the marks on your arms and neck. He stopped breathing for a second and his defeated eyes suddenly grew dark and enraged.

“The worst part is, I don’t even know who caused which ones, Yunho or you” you said, your voice sounding tired. Jungkook’s heart sank at your words, and it was the realisation that he and Yunho were no different which haunted him. Yunho hurt you, but so did he.

Jungkook quickly crawled closer to you and you let him. His cold and shaky hands reached to cup your face and lift your head up a little. You flinched at his touch and your body stiffened, but you let him. His watery eyes scanned the bruise around your neck, specifically the hand print, and you could see the fury bubbling inside his eyes and the way his body violently shook.

“H-He-”

“yes Jungkook, he, your fucking best friend” you interrupted. “And there’s no point going up to him now, because it’s too late. What’s done is done. He won’t regret a thing even if you beat the crap out of him” you told him.

Jungkook hated that you were right. He knew Yunho seeked pleasure in destroying things and hurting others. He just wished he had realised it sooner when he tried to hurt you.

“I’m not going to beat the crap out of him” Jungkook shook his head, “I’m going fucking kill him” he said.

You couldn’t help but chuckle in mockery, “too late don’t you think?” you looked at him. “I don’t care what you do with him Jungkook, just please,” your eyes softened, “just please leave me out of this mess, and let me go” you begged.

“I’m scared, okay? After what you pulled yesterday, it made me realise that you’re no different to the rest of the vampires. And as much as it hurts to let you go, I know it’s the best for me and to keep myself and my family safe. I hope you can at least respect my decision and leave me alone after this” you softly cried.

Jungkook’s shoulders dropped and his heart shattered into pieces. He knew this was coming, but he didn’t prepare to deal with the pain it came with.

“And you know what I’ve been thinking of lately before all this happened?” you then began, and all Jungkook could do was sit and listen.

“I’m a human who is bound to die when my time comes. I will grow old while you stay young and live for many more years to come. How was our relationship going to work? When I die, would you live on to find your next lover and forget about me? Could there be a way for me to live with you forever?” you spoke.

Jungkook was thrown back at your words, but coming to think about it, his heart dropped. “You know I would search for a lifetime to find a way for us to be together forever” he said, and you chuckled. “But I guess that doesn’t matter anymore. Not when you doubted my loyalty” you told him.

You grabbed your jacket and wore it before standing up. Your legs shook and you were about to fall, but Jungkook quickly caught you. But you flinched and pushed him away. Jungkook felt his chest tighten and he clenched his fists as he retracted his hands.

He knew your decision was final and that he had to let you go. There was nothing he could do but blame himself for what he had caused. “I’m sorry princess, I really am. I never meant to hurt you like this” his lips quivered the spoke, “and I’m sorry I didn’t believe you” he cried.

Your heart ached watching him cry. Vampires weren’t emotionally sensitive and known for having thick skin. But with Jungkook, you knew he was truly regretting. You could see how defeated and desperate he was at the same time. He lost you, and he was scared of what his life would be without you.

“It really didn’t have to end this way Jungkook. I love you, but I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me, let alone someone who would kill the woman he loves over his own insecurities” you responded. Jungkook shut his eyes as he cried, gripping a fistful of his hair.

“I’m sorry” he kept repeating like a chant, as if he wished it would magically fix everything. “Yeah, me too” you said. You stared at him for the last time before grabbing your things and leaving.

That was the last time you had seen Jungkook, and it tore you to pieces having to leave a man who you thought was the one. But turns out your parents were right all along — he was just like the rest of the night hunters.

You didn’t know how to face your parents after this, but you knew that as long as you were safe, it was all that mattered to them. When you moved back with your parents, they welcomed you like a lost child finally being returned home.

They felt bad about what happened between you and Jungkook, but a big part of them were relieved that you were no longer associated with a creature like him. It was hard adjusting to your new routine without Jungkook, and you had a few mental breakdowns every now and then thinking about him.

You missed him so bad no matter how much you hated him. He was your first love, and getting over your first love is never easy.

But there has always been a nagging feeling inside of you that no matter how much you both loved each other, the two of you were just not meant to be. While you grow old and rot away after death, Jungkook will continue with his life for a hundred more years. And you couldn’t help but think of the possibility of him finding a new lover.

The thought of it all made you want to dig up a hole and bury yourself in it.

But at one point, you knew you had to learn to move on and not let the pain drag you forever. You took it as a lesson to not trust anyone and always look out for yourself and the people you cared about. You hoped that Jungkook would keep your words and not meddle with you and your life again.

Days blended into nights as Jungkook roamed the darkness. His immortal existence stretched before him, a seemingly endless expanse of emptiness. He never felt so lost and alone in his entire lifetime.

He didn’t know what his purpose was anymore without you, and the pain of the heartbreak will forever haunt him. He couldn’t keep the promise he made to his mother, to never hurt the person he loved, yet here he was.

But Jungkook kept his promise when he said he would never hunt down a human. Instead, he spent his nights hunting for the blood of animals in the nearby forest. Despite his forced isolation, Jungkook couldn't bring himself to cut all ties with you. From a distance, he would watch over you like a silent guardian in the shadows.

He remembered your words and promised to not let a single vampire go near you and your family. But he still longed for your touch, yet he knew that his very presence could only bring you harm.

But Jungkook had more pressing matters to attend to than his broken heart.

Yunho was still around doing what he usually did, like he didn’t do anything wrong. So there he stood, in front of his best friend’s house, with a wooden stake tightly gripped in his hand. His jaw was tightly clenched and his gaze hardened as he huffed out a breath before kicking the door open.

Despite his immortal nature, Jungkook had never felt more human than in that moment, consumed by the agony of lost love and the burning desire for revenge.

There, in the dimly lit living room, sat Yunho who had a smirk playing on lips. “Oh? Jungkook?” Yunho slightly tilted his head, acting clueless.

But Jungkook didn’t say a word, because he knew Yunho was well aware why he was here. With a gaze as cold as death itself, he advanced towards him, the stake glinting ominously in the moonlight.

There was no need for explanations, no room for apologies. Only justice, swift and merciless, could mend the shattered fragments of his wounded heart and joy.

𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧𝗦 𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗘𝗥𝗩𝗘𝗗

@𝗷𝗸𝘀𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝟮��𝟮𝟰

©️

#jungkook x reader #bts x reader #bts jungkook #bts moodboard #btsedit #jungkook #bts smut #bts x fem!reader #bts fanfic #bts #bts imagines #bts updates #jungkook fluff #jungkook imagine #jungkook fic #jungkook fanfic

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doki-doki-imagines · 9 months

Note

The Smoke alphabet was so good! Would you do it for for Kuai Liang?

author note: you betcha I will write it. I went with Scorpion!Kuai Liang tell me if you prefer Sub-Zero!Kuai Liang

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Liang likes to go sightseeing with his partner! Walking with his partner hand in hand, looking at the beauty of nature is a cure-all; plus, it works wonders on his anger, nothing better to calm himself down than looking at you surrounded by nature.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

How they don’t get swayed by temptations. Liang thinks he is good at that too. He needs people with strong minds, and he knows how hard it is to be unwavering.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Sadly, he also starts to panic. Liang never had to deal with these kinds of situations, Lin Kuei's training never taught him how to deal with his negative emotions, let alone other people's ones. You’ll have to teach him how to, obviously when you’ll feel better, while Liang tries to explain to you how he deals with them, hoping he may help you out.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Possibly, together with the Shirai Ryu flourishing. He likes to imagine you two hand in hand admiring the vast lands.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Liang is more dominant, but if approached calmly he’ll gladly hear his partner's opinion. Don’t shout, or he’ll lose his patience fairly quickly.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Sadly, Liang can be stubborn as a mule, and it takes a lot for him to cool down after a fight. He can forgive his partner if it is not something big, but it takes a lot of willpower. Your fights are nasty, and Liang screams and breaks furniture. He would never hurt you, but his anger frightens you more than once.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Liang is extremely grateful to his partner, he understands every time, without you having a word slip out. He likes to reciprocate as much as he can, not grand gestures but mostly acts of service.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

He shares everything, be it bad or good, nothing should be kept secret between you two. Obviously, Liang expects you to share everything too, otherwise his trust for you gets precarious.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Scorpion finally tried to learn how to deal with his anger. You felt even more stable than before, thanks to him making you feel so secure. You both got benefits, even if Liang still has a long way to go before, he can say he has his anger under complete control.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He does, but he’d rather die than admit it to others, but he’ll tell you. Liang doesn’t expect you to change friends or clothes, but please reassure him…unless you want to have an intense night.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Liang gets better with time. He has little experience, and mostly not in the kissing department. Let’s say his passion makes up for his inexpertise at the start of your relationship. Your first kiss was a mess of sweating bodies, with forehead knocking and teeth clashing, but at the time, it felt perfect.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Liang takes you to his favourite path in the forest and gifts you a flower he picked up on the road “It may be beautiful, but it pales in comparison to yours.”

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

He does, and Liang is ashamed by how many times he thought about it (btw too many to be considered sane). He'll ask during a quiet morning while having breakfast with you; your fave cup broke on the ground, but at least you gained a husband! All your friends will be invited, so it will be a pretty big wedding.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Firefly, fireball.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

It's not easy to pick when Liang is in love, but Smoke and Harumi that have known him for so long will definitely pick the signs. Liang alone walks will soon become couple walks, and he'll wear his mask more often when you are nearby to hide as best as he can his flushing face.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

No PDA, Scorpion tries to keep his relationship as private as he can. That doesn't mean he won't sneak some kiss here and there during the day, just hidden from everyone eyes. He tends to brag about you, tho, a proud smile plastered on his face.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

His natural heat is a blessing during winter, you'll make sure his hands never leave your body when in bed together. The problem will be surviving during the day without them...

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Liang isn't romantic, but at times he just looks at you and spit out poetry about your beauty that you wouldn't expect from a guy that spent most of his life training his body, rather than bended on books. He always catches you by surprise, but you don't mind.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

He tries as best as he can. Scorpion is a busy man, having to deal with his brother and his trainees so his partner will have to do most of the work to achieve their goal without any help.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Liang prefers routine, mostly because his life is already a mess right now. This doesn't mean he won't be open to new things! They just have to be safe and not require too much work on.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

It's often hard for Liang to understand his partner emotions, he needs to be told what you are feeling. Scorpion is more empathetic after he understands what is going on, trying to put himself in your place. Most of the time, he has good suggestions, so talking to him is an excellent choice.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Yourrelationship is all-encompassing, you are a constant thought in his daily life, but his number one priority now is Shirai Ryu. Don't ask him to choose if you don't wanna come out heartbroken.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He often brings you bouquets. At times, it's made of flowers picked outside, at times he buys specific ones. Liang just see them and think of you.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

In the privacy of your rooms he is. Liang hands wander all over your body, pinching and groping. His lips kiss all over your face before finding peace against yours. Not all cuddles end up in sex, but it doesn't take much to spark a fire inside Liang.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

He doesn't (LOL). Liang gets pretty miserable, sitting somewhere and rubbing his onyx eyes desperately, hoping to get the imagine of your visage out of his mind; it doesn't work. Also, he starts to remember the softness of your lips and your soft hands on his body, literally one step before going crazy; he can't wait to return back home.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

When Liang is in love, he is down deep. He will for sure work hard to be able to keep them in his life, but not at the expense of his family tho.

#mk1 x reader #mortal kombat x reader #mortal kombat headcanons #mk1 headcanons #mk x reader #mk headcanons #kuai liang x reader #scorpion x reader #mk1 x you #mortal kombat x you #kuai liang #scorpion kuai liang

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astrangetorpedo · 5 months

Text

Julien Baker Track by Track - An Interview with Apple Music

“Everybody is scared of death or ultimate oblivion, whether you want to admit it or not,” Julien Baker tells Apple Music. “That’s motivated by a fear of uncertainty, of what’s beyond our realm of understanding—whatever it feels like to be dead or before we're born, that liminal space. It's the root of so much escapism.”

On her third full-length, Baker embraces fuller arrangements and a full-band approach, without sacrificing any of the intimacy that galvanised her earlier work. The result is at once a cathartic and unabashedly bleak look at how we distract ourselves from the darkness of voids both large and small, universal and personal.

“It was easier to just write for the means of sifting through personal difficulties,” she says. “There were a lot of paradigm shifts in my understanding of the world in 2019 that were really painful. I think one of the easiest ways to overcome your pain is to assign significance to it. But sometimes, things are awful with no explanation, and to intellectualise them kind of invalidates the realness of the suffering. I just let things be sad.”

Here, the Tennessee singer-songwriter walks us through the album track by track.

Hardline

“It’s more of a confession booth song, which a lot of these are. I feel like whenever I imagine myself in a pulpit, I don't have a lot to say that's honest or useful. And when I imagine myself in a position of disclosing, in order to bring me closer to a person, that's when I have a lot to say.”

Heatwave

“I wrote it about being stuck in traffic and having a full-on panic attack. But what was causing the delay was just this car that had a factory defect and bomb-style exploded. I was like, ‘Man, someone got incinerated. A family maybe.’ The song feels like a fall, but it's born from the second verse where I feel like I'm just walking around with my knees in gravel or whatever the verse in Isaiah happens to be: the willing submission to suffering and then looking around at all these people's suffering, thinking that is a huge obstacle to my faith and my understanding, this insanity and unexplainable hurt that we're trying to heal with ideology instead of action.”

Faith Healer

“I have an addictive personality and I understand it's easy for me to be an escapist with substances because I literally missed being high. That was a real feeling that I felt and a feeling that felt taboo to say outside of conversations with other people in recovery. The more that I looked at the space that was left by substance or compulsion that I've then just filled with something else, the more I realised that this is a recurring problem in my personality. And so many of the things that I thought about myself that were noble or ultimately just my pursuit of knowing God and the nature of God—that craving and obsession is trying to assuage the same pain that alcohol or any prescription medication is.”

Relative Fiction

“The identity that I have worked so hard to cultivate as a good person or a kind person is all basically just my own homespun mythology about myself that I'm trying to use to inspire other people to be kinder to each other. Maybe what's true about me is true about other people, but this song specifically is a ruthless evaluation of myself and what I thought made me principled. It's kind of a fool's errand.”

Crying Wolf

“It's documenting what it feels like to be in a cyclical relationship, particularly with substances. There was a time in my life, for almost a whole year, where it felt like that. I think that is a very real place that a lot of people who struggle with substance use find themselves in, where the resolution of every day is the same and you just can’t seem to make it stick.”

Bloodshot

“The very first line of the song is talking about two intoxicated people—myself being one of them—looking at each other and me having this out-of-body experience, knowing that we are both bringing to our perception of the other what we need the other person to be. That's a really lonely and sad place to be in, the realisation that we're each just kind of sculpting our own mythologies about the world, crafting our narratives.”

Ringside

“I have a few tics that manifest themselves with my anxiety and OCD, and for a long time, I would just straight-up punch myself in the head—and I would do it onstage. It's this extension of physicality from something that's fundamentally compulsive that you can't control. I can't stop myself from doing that, and I feel really embarrassed about it. And for some reason I also can't stop myself from doing other kinds of more complicated self-punishment, like getting into co-dependent relationships and treating each one of those like a lottery ticket. Like, 'Maybe this one will work out.'”

Favor

“I have a friend whose parents live in Jackson, where my parents live. They’re one of my closest friends and they were around for the super dark part of 2019. I'll try to talk to the person who I hurt or I'll try to admit the wrongdoing that I've done. I'll feel so much guilt about it that I'll cry. And then I'll hate that I've cried because now it seems manipulative. I'm self-conscious about looking like I hate myself too much for the wrong things I've done because then I kind of steal the person's right to be angry. I don't want to cry my way out of shit.”

Song in E

“I would rather you shout at me like an equal and allow me to inhabit this imagined persona I have where I'm evil. Because then, if I can confirm that you hate me and that I'm evil and I've failed, then I don't any longer have to deal with the responsibility of trying to be good. I don't any longer have to be saddled with accountability for hurting you as a friend. It’s something not balancing in the arithmetic of my brain, for sin and retribution, for crime and punishment. And it indebts you to a person and ties you to them to be forgiven.”

Repeat

“I tried so hard for so long not to write a tour song, because that's an experience that musicians always write about that's kind of inaccessible to people who don't tour. We were in Germany and I was thinking: Why did I choose this? Why did I choose to rehash the most emotionally loaded parts of my life on a stage in front of people? But that's what rumination is. These are the pains I will continue to experience, on some level, because they're familiar.”

Highlight Reel

“I was in the back of a cab in New York City and I started having a panic attack and I had to get out and walk. The highlight reel that I'm talking about is all of my biggest mistakes, and that part—‘when I die, you can tell me how much is a lie’—is when I retrace things that I have screwed up in my life. I can watch it on an endless loop and I can torture myself that way. Or I can try to extract the lessons, however painful, and just assimilate those into my trying to be better. That sounds kind of corny, but it's really just, what other options do you have except to sit there and stare down all your mistakes every night and every day?”

Ziptie

“I was watching people be restrained with zip ties on the news. It's just such a visceral image of violence to see people put restraints on another human being—on a demonstrator, on a person who is mentally ill, on a person who is just minding their own business, on a person who is being racially profiled. I had a dark, funny thought that's like, what if God could go back and be like, ‘Y'all aren't going to listen.’ Jesus sacrificed himself and everybody in the United States seems to take that as a true fact, and then shoot people in cold blood in the street. I was just like, ‘Why?’ When will you call off the quest to change people that are so horrid to each other?”

(x)

#julien baker #little oblivions #apple music #interview #archival

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lick-me-lennon22 · 5 months

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How they help you through mental health struggles

(this is one of two prompts suggested by a particular anon 💞 keep an eye out for your other request soon!! hope you all enjoy this read)

John

John starts the days by ringing your house/flat to see how you're doing and to hear your voice

he'll try his damndest to talk you through panic attacks or depressive episodes, drawing from his personal experiences with inner turmoil

he'd be the type to research more alternative and obscure forms of treatment, such as primal therapy or hypnotherapy

he's willing to accompany you to these sessions if you'd like, overcoming his defensive and guarded ways in an effort to support you

helping you through your struggles opens his mind to seeking therapy and practicing healthy habits in his own life

he often invites you out for walks to get some vitamin D or over to his place in the evenings to listen to music together

even on days when he's entrenched in his own troubles John still finds the time to do small things to show his love for you, like fixing you tea just the way you like it or grabbing you a treat from the corner store

Paul

Paul feels an intense need to do whatever he can to "fix" the way you're feeling

it's just the way his mind works when a situation is out of his control

because of this he's more hands-on in his support, offering to help you with daily tasks like grocery shopping, washing up, or picking up medications

he helps you to stay organized and prioritize tasks to keep you from feeling overwhelmed

he'll walk you through more mentally draining responsibilities such as cleaning/rearranging your living space or budgeting

Paul just wants to take care of everything for his beloved partner

he will gently encourage you to engage in whichever form of therapy you feel most drawn to

you find that he shows his support in other small but thoughtful gestures, like surprising you with your favorite meal or a brand new plush

George

George shows his support by creating a sacred space in his home for you, dedicated to relaxation and recharging following social events or particularly rough days

he furnishes this room with comfy cushions and dimming drapes, always burning incense and playing calming music to soothe you

he tries to gently guide you towards mindfulness practices and encourages you to find solace in nature

he's inclined to suggest pursuing alternative therapies such as reiki and aromatherapy (especially if you don't resonate with traditional talk therapy), favoring holistic approaches to healing the mind, body, and spirit

George will begin a collaborative journal where you can both write out your thoughts and feelings, creating a sense of connection and shared experience

he also buys you a small potted plant/flower as a gift and physical representation of your progress and personal growth

he invites you to join him for stargazing sessions in the evenings, laying out an intricately patterned blanket in the backyard so you can admire the night sky together

Ringo

Ringo transforms his home into a haven for you, removing any potential stressors/triggers and creating a calm and comfortable atmosphere for you to unwind in

he'll play fun board games, dance with you, and invite you to try out new hobbies with him as a way to foster connection in your day-to-day interactions

occasionally, he will plan low-pressure social activities to help reduce feelings of isolation

Ringo would help you research treatment options and create a support network so you never feel alone in your struggles

he'll work with you to set achievable goals and celebrate every one of your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem to you

he allows you open access to his drum set so you can release any anger or anxiety you may be harboring in a healthy and engaging way

he wants to be your rock and act as a pillar of love and encouragement in your life

he's curated a comfort box for you, filled with things to bring you joy and ground you such as photos, fragrances, plushes, and calming sensory items

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jamiesfootball · 7 months

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Anyways. Back before season three aired, my working theory for What Ted's Deal was - with his advice to Jamie, with the panic attacks that were layered Jamie and his son - that it would turn out that his late father had also been abusive, but that with his father's death Ted had never processed it.

Obviously the show didn't go that route, but in general these were the points that I was daisy-chaining together to build something of a narrative flow:

Ted preaches kindness and positivity but also struggles with his own repressed anger and inability to be direct in what he wants. He continually, pathologically, puts people before himself, to the point that it's becoming a breaking point in his marriage.

Ted repeatedly praises 'women' for being the more emotionally intelligent of the genders. He looks at toxic masculinity as not just a thing to be examined and overcome, but the root of why men struggle.

He himself is a product of the same toxic male behavior, and while he tries to lead by example as an individual, there's a part of that culture that he almost sees as... natural? Like a foregone conclusion. A lot of his methods for dealing with the team in season one happen within the same social boundaries he decries. If he can get Roy to step up, if he can get Roy and Jamie to stop fighting and call a truce, then everything else will fall in place, because men follow a hierarchical structure. This is How Locker Rooms Work, and-

I always go back to Jamie's first, open receptiveness to Ted's 'one in eleven' speech as the first sign that Ted doesn't know how to deal with things directly. This scene reads as Ted being very taken aback by Jamie's willingness to listen. It has shades of their later scene at the Crown & Anchor in it, with Ted being the one who pulls away from a conversation that has the ability of getting emotionally direct and real.

Ted's repressed anger. His shouting at Jamie in 1x06 over practice, but also his shouting at Nate when Nate tries to stuff the letter under his hotel room door.

Ted emotionally reaches for the bottle like. A noticeable amount of times. But especially when he's getting divorced.

Every Sunday afternoon Ted's father used to take him to a sports bar. From age of 10 til 16.

Ted's mom is completely incapable of being direct

Ted and his mom never processed or talked about his dad's death

Ted looks devastated when he sees Jamie with his father in the boot room, but ultimately walks away

Ted sends Jamie a token to show he's not alone (Ted soldier)

Next time Jamie tries to talk to Ted at the bar, Jamie opens with addressing the subject directly (the Ted soldier) and Ted deflects. Asks about City. Won't look him in the eye. Doesn't say anything to Jamie admitting he left City to piss off his dad. He just says that line about how sometimes having a tough dad is what makes you better.

He thought he knew what he was doing [about Jamie] but Sam 'went and unsettled it.' Some people aren't lucky enough to have good dads.

Ted welcomes Jamie back but keeps his distance (much more than in season 1).

Ted begins having panic attacks that feature Jamie and his son.

Ted admits panic attacks linked directly to his father's death.

So this takes us through season two, and at this point my working theory was what if it turned out that Ted most of Ted's Ted-ness had been an active effort on his own part to become something less like his own father? It would explain his disdain for male-coded behaviors while also explaining why he seems unable to truly break away from them. it would explain his people-pleasing habits (and meeting his mom and knowing she is also allergic to asking for things, I think this could still fit as a trauma response). It would explain his putting women on a pedestal, if he had a bad male role model to begin with. It would explain how his demeanor around Jamie changes so much when they have the 'tough dads' talk turning into something closed off when his body language with Jamie has always been open before (and there's a lovely parallel with how they're both sat at the bar in that shot too). Hell it would add additional weight to that talk if it turned out he was also speaking of himself. His panic attacks would make sense, seeing himself in Jamie but also his son and his own role as a dad.

That, plus Ted being a character we regularly see drinking something harder than wine or beer, usually when he's emotionally stressed. Plus Ted's dad bringing him to a sports bar every Sunday for years, and at a young age too. Plus Jamie's dad being an alcoholic. That's where I thought this was going- I thought it would turn out that the late Lasso had also been an alcoholic and a tough dad. It just seemed the obvious conclustion at the time, to make the Ted & Jamie parallel into a full parallel.

Then you add in the fact that Ted married his college sweetheart and then waited until they were in their thirties before having a kid (In the midwest. Where he definitely would've been pressured about it) and all of this to me added up to a troubled man who struggled with the idea of becoming a father long before he had a son. Someone who spent years creating a facade, pretending (like his mom) that things were okay. Someone who maybe never felt right blaming his dad for any of it, not when it became so clear at the end how much his dad was struggling.

Only to have that facade crumble the second someone else from similar circumstances showed up to challenge it.

His dad was a product of his time, the same way that Ted is a product of his dad, the same way men are just a product of toxic masculinity, and Ted doesn't know how to 'deal' with any of it but he'd thought he'd gotten to the point in life where he had some solutions. Only to find that those solutions didn't work when held up to a mirror.

So yeah. That was my theory. Then season three happened, and I realized that unfortunately my theory had a flaw. See, I was so busy looking for a Watsonian diagnosis that would make Ted's idiosyncrasies make sense, that I completely missed the fact that the problem was Doylist to begin with. The show writers never meant for us to read into all of that, because the show writers themselves didn't see anything contrary, worrisome, or tone-deaf about Ted's behavior. Not from a toxic masculinity standpoint, and certainly not from the standpoint of discussing abuse of a male character.

It's not Ted who dismisses Jamie's dad's abuse. It's the writers. Which unfortunately means, since Ted by extension is the show, that it is Ted. Which is why all of us are left watching scenes like the 'tough dads' scene or the Mom City scene and going-

What the hell, Ted?

#apologies if this is rather rambly #i think i lost the point a few times #anyways here. have an old theory that got axed with the rest of them #though I stand by the idea that Ted also had depression in season three #ted lasso #jamie tartt #ted lasso meta #cw suicide mention #for Ted's dad #cw abuse #for jamie and (in this version) ted's dad #this is the longer version of the previous post that I mentioned in the tags

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fern-the-fox · 7 months

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Trust me, I know how you feel

finished Tails the Beast for my Stories Untold AU.

All characters have been sucked into a fairytale world and are forcibly taken into these roles. The roles they take seemingly being connected to themselves in some way. Here Tails is The Beast/Prince Adam from Beauty and the Beast.

There wasnt much i really wanted to change, i already loved the original. Even know i kinda wish i made his arms a bit thicker, but my biggest concern was height.

As seen in the old concept, i intended him to be freakishly large but he was TOO tall.

He's meant to be about the same height as the werehog.

Also his cloak is torn because before Sonic found him and he woke up like this. First thing he thought was that he was having a nightmare which was turning out to be real. Claws too sharp for someone who grabs themselves as a fear coping mechanism.

The thing us Tails fans love about this character is his growth to overcome his own mental and physical insecurities. Heavily playing into him being bullied and ostracized for his twin tails.

Another is the brotherly bond, which we honestly need more of in current media. Theres never enough!

In my AU, Tails still struggles a lot to accept the fact that he's not veiwed as a deformed freak. He has grown, but this new involuntary form sets him back 10x.

He is not only an outcasted, anxiety ridden freak (your not honey, just making a point), but now he has huge teeth and claws, his fur is rough, his size is doubled and his voice scares him.

...hes a monster.

But not to his own brother he's not, in the midst of a panic attack once Sonic sees his baby brother for the first time after this entire fiasco. He sees himself. He sees his own experience as a Werehog. He knows how he feels and by god his brother wont feel the same way he did at first.

In the eyes of all who love him, Tails has never been a freak of nature. Hes never been a monster. Hes not scary, he just has new temporary quirks.

Like how Tails saw his big brother in the werehog. Sonic sees the brave, scared little fox child he has raised and loved all these years. He sees Tails

From the size of a mouse to a werewolf (fox), nothing will ever change who Tails is.

Hes still smart, hes still kind, hes still sensitive.

He is still Tails. And Sonic is there to ensure and encourage it.

I have yet to figure out a true storyline for this AU, but this is the part that i honestly love the most. Characters, relationships, overall plot i have down but its just not A to B to C.

#sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #sonic #tails the fox #tails #sonic and tails #sonic au #stories untold au #sonic the werehog #werefox #beauty and the beast #Tails the beast #Brotherly bond #unbreakable bond #Its not Wednesday #wholesome sonic and tails wednesday

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evlynmoreau-blog · 11 days

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EULR playbook

My doodles are cute, but in play events would be more tragic.

Regard slots: 5 (naturally the most social of the playbooks)

Harm boxes: 3

Moves (usable once per cycle)

Working bee: pick 1 extra result when doing your duty

Nurse: you can treat someone to heal 1 harm and 1 stress, when you do so adjust regards.

Graceful: roll for a move with +1 instead of the assigned stat, on a 10+ also take +1 forward for your next move

Gentle touch: when alone you can calm a corrupted replika by touching her, roll +resolve. On 10+ she calm down, cry and become catatonic, on 7-9 she hesitate but can still attack, you take 1 stress, on a miss she hurt you, suffer harm and degradation (1).

Multi purpose: once per day cycle, insert yourself into another character scene to allow them to reroll their lowest die. If they roll 10+ you are barely noticed, on 7-9 you make things a bit awkward, on a miss you fumble and take the blame.

Dark Gossip: take degradation to start a hurtful rumor, take +1 forward when using this rumor to your advantage.

Marks (mark your character when a move or the GM ask for it)

An EULR unit from your cadre is decommissioned

Get pushed around all day

Sing or listen to a song in loop

Suddenly panic over your appearance

You become the object of a gossip

Nickname someone or receive a nickname

Make a friend or take a lover

Cry until someone intervene

Clean someone mess

Pick up a knife and refuse to discard it

Access a gestalt memory, advance and grow

Embrace Death and face your final destiny.

Gestalt Memory prompts

Practice dancing alone, your feet bleed

Overcoming stage fright

Stage performance moment

Someone playing music for you

Treating wounds in a war hospital

Serving food in a refugee camp

…

I should probably make a solo version of the game where you play cycles and record the events in your mandatory journal.

I got the feeling that it will be difficult to gather enough fans of both Signalis and TTRPG to play with a group.

#ttrpg #signalis #pbta

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trianna-phoenix · 1 year

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(Bowuigi human au)

Luigi could tell he was being followed, walking down a dark and empty street, he knew it wasn’t just his paranoia

His heart is beating so fast, he barely works up the courage to look behind him, and that’s when he finally sees the man

Wearing a black hoodie and jeans, he was staring directly at Luigi with a mean glare. He didn’t even look away as Luigi made eye contact with him.

The man was only a few feet behind him, he started to speed up, getting closer to Luigi.

Luigi could feel alarms going off in his body, a cold sweat overcoming him as his fight or flight kicks in to full drive.

Luigi ran, he ran as fast as his legs could take him. To his horror he could hear the pounding footsteps of the man running after him.

His mind went blank as he ran forward, distantly he could see a open shop, seemed like a bar.

It was the only building that was open on this street.

Luigi ran as fast as he could towards it.

There was a group of people outside, some big guys Luigi would never dare to even look at. But Luigi wasn’t thinking.

The closest one to him was also the biggest, some guy in a leather jacket, adorned with metal spikes. His hair must’ve been dyed red because Luigi would never believe it was natural. He wasn’t exactly standing alone, there were people near him, but none of them seemed to be talking to or even at him.

Luigi took a chance.

He ran over, not full in his right mind as he took his hand and whispered as loud as he could

“I’m being followed”

Bowser never really liked these bars, his friends would drag him to them once every blue moon but they were always so boring.

There was only so much standing and drinking he could do before he lost his mind.

Now, as the night was coming to a close, he stood outside with a few of those exact friends, some where waiting for their Ubers and bowser wanted to make sure they got home safe, him being the least intoxicated

Well actually, bowser didn’t drink at all, some stupid medical condition he developed after a few crazy years in college.

He huffed, sipping at a glass of soda as he mindlessly listened to his drunk friends ramble.

Bowser didn’t hear him approach before he felt someone roughly grab his hand, they held on tightly and bowser could see how hard they were shaking. They looked terrified.

Bowser just stared at them as they worked up the courage to say something.

He spoke quietly, barely a whisper, but bowser still felt a chill down his spine when they said their grievances

“I’m being followed” they held his hand tightly as they glanced down the street.

Bowser could see him, the man.

He had stopped running, clearly breathing heavily as he just stood there, staring.

Bowser set his drink down on a near by ledge, before pulling the shaking man close to his chest.

He looked about five steps away from a panic attack, trembling with wide eyes.

“What’s your name?” He asked trying to figure out what he should do

“L-Luigi” he struggled to speak over how intensely he was shaking, bowser placed a hand on his shoulder

“Well Luigi, let me take you home” he looked away from the man, still standing halfway down the street to look at the man in his arms

He had dark brown hair, wore a green shirt and a cardigan.

Luigi glanced up towards him, and bowser nearly stopped breathing. His eyes, they were bright blue, they looked like jewels. He’d never seen anything like it.

They were gorgeous.

Bowser blinked as he watched Luigi’s lip twitch, he seemed about to cry. Bowser didn’t want that at all.

“Is that okay?” He followed, worried he had made himself seem dangerous.

But Luigi nodded his head, stepping closer to bowser as the man tilted his head. It was eerie, how he hadn’t tried to move closer to them, but didn’t leave.

Bowser lived close by, just a street over, which is mostly why he hadn’t gotten himself an Uber.

“My house isn’t far from here, do you mind if we go there?”

Luigi shook his head and bowser immediately started walking with Luigi right in front of him.

His friends were too drunk to even notice him leaving.

(Anyway I don’t feel like writing anymore of this but feel free to use it as a prompt as long at you credit me)

(And yes they get home safe then bowser walks Luigi to his own place the next morning we’re Luigi gives him his number)

#bowuigi #bowser x luigi #bowigi #bowser #luigi #tw stalking #fanfic #fanfiction prompts

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an-angel-in-the-garden · 1 year

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The ABC's with Xiao

Hello Hello! It's my best friend's birthday~ So like last year I thought I would make a little something for her. This time with another best boy Xiao instead of Grimmjow. Please enjoy!

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Xiao is a simple man at heart who really likes peace and quiet. It's not often that he can just rest so his favorite thing to do with you is relax, maybe take a nap in the sun or just hear you talk about your day

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

The honest answer is that Xiao admires everything about you from your head to your toes. He adores you for you but if he really had to pick just one thing it would be your eyes. No matter the color or shape to him they are beautiful, with those eyes you see the world and you see him. Not as the vigilant yaksha but as Xiao

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

He is a very awkward person who's never been the best at dealing with people and even now that holds true. With somewhat stiff hands Xiao offers you a warm blanket and hug. He shares a plate of his favorite almond tofu and maybe even sings you song he heard until you can calm down

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Because of his karmic debt Xiao tries not to think of the future. In his eyes it's better to just let himself enjoy what he has now then think about what he could get or lose. Still he does hope you'll spend forever by his side

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Xiao is very passive. For the most part you stand on even ground but when it comes to planning or wanting to go out you need to be the one to set things up as Xiao is more then content with lazing around when he can

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

He tries so hard to avoid fighting with you all together so whenever it does happen he sulks off by himself in hopes of not making it worse. Unless it was a truly horrible fight Xiao forgives you the moment you want to make up

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Xiao is grateful for everything you do for him, from just asking how he's holding up to making him something for dinner or planning a date. He loves everything you do for him

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Nothing is ever kept hidden from you. Once the two of begin to date Xiao doesn't want to hide things from you, he likes knowing that someones on his side no matter his past

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

You both change each other for the better. Xiao was unsocial and scared of ever getting close to others but with you nothing feels too frightening. In the same way he's helped you get stronger and more confidant

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Secretly, Xiao gets very jealous. Due to his withdrawn nature he often stays in the background and has to watch as you go about your day, interacting with all kinds of people and making friends. It makes him feel like he's going mad but he doesn't want to cause a scene so instead he waits for when it is just the two of you cuddling up. where can remind himself that you picked him and only him

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

A terrible kisser at first who get better the longer you're together. The first kiss was sweet. A little awkward sure, a learning curve you had to overcome together but it was the mark of something new

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

It's a silent confession. More spoken through actions than words. Xiao will give up everything if it means saving you and that alone is a confession but it was him letting you see him at his lowest point that said the most, a silent " I need you here with me. Always."

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Xiao isn't really the type to care about something like marriage. In his eyes it's not needed to show you love someone but if you ever wanted to he would be okay with it.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Just your name. He likes your name and sees no reason to call you anything else. Perhaps once he called you his haven but it won't be often

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Xiao is one of the most obvious when it comes to being in love. Everyone can see it, his eyes grow softer, he comes a little more talkative when you're the subject of conversation and of course there's the ever present blush when you stand near him despite his warnings. Though he's never been good at expressing it Xiao loves you more than words could say and at this point all of Liyue knows

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He's such a blushy boy. Xiao doesn't enjoy the attention of others on him so PDA makes him very embarrassed and unsure of what to do. A kiss the cheek and maybe some handholding is the most he can handle lest he combust

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship.

No matter where you are, just call his name and he'll rush to your side. The winds of Liyue will always be ready to lend you a hand. Plus a free room at the inn!

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Not the most romantic. He wants to make you the happiest you can be by his side but he's never had someone this close before so he's not really sure how to do it. His love is silent but always present its just sometimes hard to see

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Out of everyone in the world Xiao believes in you the most now. He thinks you're amazing no matter your struggles and will want to help you when he can to see you achieve your dreams, he's also gonna be there to catch you if you fall

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Routine is something Xiao comes to be fond of with you. His life is full of danger from both the battles he fights and his own past so when you settle down and find something that works for you both it always leaves him feeling warm and fuzzy

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He's not really empathetic but he will try his best to understand your line of thinking. He is however really good at remembering things about you. From the small things you mention in passing to the important things you share with him nothing is forgotten

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

The only thing that could really mean more than you in his life is the nation he swore to protect. This is his home and though it may no longer be led by the man that saved him it's still important to him. Though he'd rather die than ever have to chose one

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

You called him XiaoXaio once and it nearly broke him. He never gets used to your affection and when he's feeling down it makes him just a little happier to hear you call him that

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Most definitely a cuddle monster. He's a starving man for love and attention once you get him past the first feelings of awkwardness. Though Xiao isn't very good at asking for any of it he does crave it

Y earning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?

He leaves a lot when demons are roaming around so missing you has become normal. From time to time he can be gone for days or even weeks on end. Plus you sometimes leave to travel for a month or so. He just goes back to the Vigilant Yaksha during these times. Closed off and cold though anyone who sees past the mask knows he's just sulking

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Xiao will do anything for you and your relationship. Whether it's giving his own life or limb, to fighting hordes of enemies. He'll break his vow of interacting with other humans for you or dote on you when you're ill. For you nothing is too much

AND THAT'S A WRAP! I got it done on time! I really hope you like it @bird-brained-plague-doctor. Another year has passed and there's plenty more to come so lets enjoy it to the fullest! Credit to @snk-warriors as that's where I got this list from. Thank you all for reading. Have a good day or night~ Lilly

#reader imagine #x reader #reader insert #reader x #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagines #xiao x reader

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m3r1m4r5u333 · 5 months

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So I just need to ramble some more about Eddie being queer-coded, and especially bi-coded. And pining. Always pining.

5x11 is an interesting episode. The episode is called "Outside looking in". Which btw makes me think of some stuff I've posted about before - how Eddie feels like queerness is not an option for him. He's watching from a distance, outside looking in. Sure, he'll support other queer people, but what about himself? Not an option.

Religious family, perhaps the lingering fear of losing Christopher's custody, fear of making his son's childhood even harder, and also I think... Just fear of discovery. I think Eddie has pined after Buck for a long, long time, and fears that people would realise how he really feels if he came out. It would be like stepping under a spotlight with no payofff. Just awkward, embarrassing because he thinks his feelings are a dead end. First he thought Buck was straight. And then even Buck turning out to not be straight changed nothing - Buck is already dating someone else, gushing about him to Eddie.

Anyway... Outside looking in. It's a very Eddie-centric episode, focuses a lot on Eddie's identity. He's quit 811 and works at a call center. The job doesn't suit him. It's dull, feels meaningless. He quickly becomes bored, sad, lonely. He's lost his identity, even his scars are missing when he gets ready for the day.

An interesting bit about Eddie's daily routine montage is the music that plays during it. It's Are you down to ride? by Skegss. Very queer-sounding!

"Let's pretend like we've done this all before

So much wilderness to go and explore

Your imagination is the best recreation

Remove the mask you're wearing and overcome your fear

Cut it with your smile and show the world what you're really like..."

...There's also the repeated flip, an alternating question of "Are you down to ride?/Are you down for life". The song is all about trying to overcome fear, to embrace your true self.

I won't quote the entire song but overall, there are lots of lines that sound like hints to hidden queerness. First of all, "so much wilderness to go and explore"? The montage also shows a framed photograph in Eddie's room. Curious "wilderness" there - a picture of some very phallic looking cacti!

"...This is it, this is what you were made to be

Yeah, might seem strange to you

It's as strange as hell to me..."

The word strange of course always makes me think of queerness, too. That's what the word queer used to mean. So strangeness, combined with the line about "this being what you were made to be". Curious.

Then the dialogue in that montage.

May telling Eddie that "the word of the day" ... ("..???". It's a fancy word I couldn't catch, I'm not a native english speaker),

means "to leave abruptly."

Which combined with the music about overcoming fears, removing a mask... naturally makes me think of coming out of the closet. Also, there's Eddie's abrupt decision to quit the team, and even his big decision to move away from the overwhelming pressure of his religious family.

The decision to quit the team forms after Eddie is hurt on the job. But it also forms after Eddie starts dating Ana, and after the relationship fails spectacularily - due to Eddie not loving her, and clearly not being ready to move on.

Personally I feel like Eddie freaks out about his strong connection to Buck and that is one reason why he wants to quit the team. It's there in that panic attack scene at the fire station. So many hints of unrequited feelings, and so much staring at Buck. So I think part of the reason why Eddie quits his job..? It's to gain some distance to Buck.

Eddie in Outside, looking in... The word of the day being "to leave abruptly"...?

It also has that scene in which Buck and Taylor come to Eddie's for dinner and Eddie tells Buck that Buck needs to move on, Eddie has. (It's obviously a lie, Eddie is a mess.)

When May whips out that word about leaving abruptly..., Eddie isn't a fan of it, wryly says "And I thought "bamboozle" was the word of the day lowpoint". (Bamboozle = to trick or deceive someone, often by confusing them)

Moving on isn't easy. Leaving the closet isn't easy. Deceit, tricks, confusion... no fun either.

Anyway, back to bi-coded dialogue.

There's Linda, another colleague, who keeps recommending Eddie some recipes. Btw I think I've said this before but. To me it sure sounds like this show loves making food related sex jokes!

In another episode we have Buck (a bisexual) telling Bobby and Athena that he likes their cooking equally.

Then there's Eddie later, in season 7, talking about his relationship troubles with Marisol, getting a text from Marisol who wants to know what Eddie wants for dinner. Buck suggests sushi, Eddie answers "The menu is not the issue."

And color me crazy if you like, but as far as I understand, it's a pretty old euphemism that men are "meat" and women are "fish"... So jokes about liking "fish". Sure sound like euphemisms to sex with women.

Anyway, back to Linda and recipes.

Eddie sees Linda, tells her

"By the way, you were right about the fish sauce! Never would have thought of it."

Linda answers "Told you. Umami levels off the charts!"

Eddie promises Josh to get to work right away. Then goes to post public service announcements on social media.

But turns out it's "Exit ramps closed..."

And in the montage his printer won't work. He makes a press release about a structure fire. A structure fire... sounds like an identity crisis.

Eddie's daily routine montage continues. He cooks breakfast for Chris and tells him to

'eat up so he can focus at school.'

Eddie calls him Bud as he says that. Which sure sounds to me like meta writing to the buddie fans. "Hey buddies, now's the time to get ready for school - pay attention!"

So pay attention to what, what happens after that, how are we schooled?

Eddie takes Chris to school, gets to work, and is seen talking to Linda again.

Eddie: Are you sure about this?

Linda, very confidently: Equal parts potato and butter!

Then Eddie is seen posting about "traffic collisions". One taking place at Sepulveda 405 fwy. Sepulveda is btw derived from spanish, and means "to bury". And 405? Could it be an episode? I think it is. And that one, season 4, episode 5... It's Buck begins.

Interesting, how that episode also has someone running away from his family: Buck. There's Buck, learning to ride his bike, running from home, running to Maddie to be patched up because he crashed on his bicycle.

Has Eddie maybe "crashed his bike", and gotten hurt, too, and that's made him quit the team abruptly?

Then the montage with Eddie in Outside, looking in, it also includes a child on the phone asking Eddie...

"Are you a real fire fighter?" Eddie says yes, I'm a real firefighter.

We've heard that question before! Another child sneeringly asks that same thing from Buck when he's forced to do desk duty.

(It's in that super buddie-coded episode, Monsters, the one with the crows who are repeatedly called buddies.

The crows attack young boys who torment them, the team wonders if the crows are waiting for these boys to come out.)

So... In Monsters, a boy asks Buck if he's even a real firefighter, Buck says that he is.

Which rather makes me think of bi erasure once again. The persistent belief that bisexuality isn't "a real" sexual orientation. "Oh everyone is "bi" these days, it's trendy!/You just made this up to get attention/You're really just gay/straight and won't admit it...

It's all about "You're not even real". The inability to take the bisexuality seriously is a never-ending reaction to us bisexuals. We are thought to be these mythological creatures, unicorns.

So I think it's very interesting that this is asked of Buck, and later of Eddie.

"Are you even a real firefighter?"

Very similar to this repeated challenge of... "Are you even a real person?"

Bisexuality is always very quickly dismissed as an option. It's apparent in this fandom too.

This actually reminds me of another scene in which Eddie once again calls Chris Buddy... And tries to tell him about meeting Ana, and really liking her. Chris is making a salad as Eddie starts talking about Ana, is enraged to hear about Eddie dating this woman, throws the salad on the floor, storms out. Eddie is left alone, collecting the pieces of that salad bowl. He looks sad.

Another thing that makes me return to the idea that Eddie is bi/pan? The hints about his relationships failing and dating being a performance - because he can't move on.

Right before Eddie asks Ana out, there's this emergency with that rapper dude. The episode is Jinx, the same one in which the team is trapped inside their truck due to deathly amounts of electricity. (Subtext!)

Jinx also has the clowns. Which I'd made crazy posts about before so to briefly summarize - I think the clowns are the queer audience, choking on the queerness of Buck and Eddie together.

Anyway, that rapper in Jinx:

Izzy chainz... Stuck on you. Or maybe,

Is it chains to be stuck on you? Catch me here - a qr code. Or a queer code?

That's Eddie, really. Not having moved on.

But Eddie tries to move on. Even though he's not ready. Eddie needs pep talks from Bobby to go on dates. He's not really ready to move on from Shannon, has not processed her death, their marriage failing.

But he hurls himself into that relationship anyway... And then anxiety builds. It's a sum of several factors, but still.

The panic attacks are quite revealing. They build a picture of Eddie not only being over Shannon, but also realising that he's now stuck on Buck as well, and cannot handle losing him.

One panic attack - when he sees a patient who looks startingly like Buck. Another when someone thinks Ana is Christopher's mother - making Eddie remember Shannon. And likely also Buck, because Ana's reaction is not only to deny that she's Christopher's mother. She also continues saying "I'm just a friend!" Much like Buck, who keeps parenting Chris despite not being a parent to Chris, despite being just a friend to Eddie.

Third panic attack... when Ravi thinks Ana is Eddie's wife - even though Eddie clearly doesn't love her, even forgot to introduce her because quite frankly, he's too distracted by Buck.

Is it chains, stuck on you..." Yes. Certainly, there are lots of chains stopping Eddie from moving on.

Those 'chains' made Eddie's relationship with Ana an impossible up-hill battle from the start, they're the reason why that relationship ends up failing. He does not pursue her freely, genuinely, he is trying to fall for a concept of them together.

The breakup also hints that Eddie's been catching feelings for Buck, and is left reeling, trying to understand them, and get over them.

But he still hasn't. They've always been there, from the way he just jumps into making Buck his family, to present day in season 7 where Marisol struggles to place her bag on Eddie's hallway table. There's just no space for someone like Marisol to set down their belongings, they joined this race years too late.

The space is already taken. The toy truck Buck gifted to Chris years ago takes too much the space for anyone else to get too comfortable. It's the first thing Eddie wants to see when he comes home. That's quite telling.

#911 buddie #evan buckley #buddie #eddie diaz #buddie 911 #911 on abc #evan buck buckley #911 abc #tv: 911 #eddie díaz #abc 911 #are you a real firefighter?

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