#parents never pressured me and have always loved & supported me but I believe us only child kids def feel a larger internalize pressure

[apris1992]

Ran across this tiktok about being an only child and it hit home. I'll type what the person wrote.

"You're so lucky to be an only child" I spent the majority of my time alone as a child. The pressure to not disappoint my parents is unbearable All their hopes and dreams are instilled in only me And when they are gone, I'll have no one to share the pain with

[i-yap]

MY FAVORITE IS DICK GRAYSON FORVER WILL BE DICK GRAYSON AND HERE IS WHY

DICK GRAYSON X Y/N ( FRUSTRATED ME EDITION)

- first of all , he is the hottest character in dc (literally the comics have written this line by line)

- he is the real one with communication issues. You think jason struggles with that? NO jason uses any chance to tell me people how much he suffered. But dick? He wears a smile, he hides everything he is feeling

- the only person who gets to see the real him is YOU. The stress, the pressure, the mommy daddy issues...cmon. and bruce prolly was the worst at raising grayson and learned from his mistakes for the rest

- dick is someone who tries to be happy. Who tries to have a normal life. Who tries not to let his issues affect him . But they do which is why he has so many fucked up relationships. But when he meets you he wants to keep you, he needs to keep you with him. So he tries yet again to open up, fix his issues, love you the way you truly deserve.

- AND let us all not pretend we are all not stressed asf in life. He is so joyful and bright and will almost never dull the mood. Car karaoke ? Done. Skinny dipping in some random lake you drive by? His suggestion. Amusement parks? He is excitedly pulling you to all the rides and WILL 100% WIN YOU THE BIGGEST TEDDY

- he is deep, he js in touch with his feelings and he knows how to take care of you. Idk abt u guys but I have issues . I want a man who gives you those words of affirmation, who makes it super obvious he likes you.

- he needs you just as much as jason or tim or damian do. He also never had genuine love, he also has been a soldier a leader the person responsible all his life. He needs yo hold you, he needs that peace and quiet away from everything he has to deal with . He wants someone he can come home to and just show how drained he is .

- he is so kind to the world but he WILL BURN IT FOR YOU . I refuse to believe any other opinion on this. No matter how big a hero this guy is...remember how he killed joker for jason? Someone he said he hated? Broke the no kill rule?? Yea imagine what he will do for you.

- and how dare u suggest he isn't jealous/ possessive. He gets so cranky..not insecure and u don't have to coddle him and avoid all other men ...but u do have to give him extra kisses

-HE IS THE REAL GREEN FLAG fuck the whole " a hero will sacrifice you for the world but a villain will burn the world for you" NOT HIM NO HE WILL KILL EVERYONE OKAY cuz how date anyone suggest taking you away from him after everything he has done for the world. You are his reward and you better remember that.

- slow waltzing in the kitchen while he sings you his favorite love song, giggling in a pretty cafe while sharing a piece of cake( he is feeding you the whole thing and will kiss you when u Ask why he isn't eating any himself) , getting tipsy and walking back home all sweet and drunk and in love. He is adventurous and wants to experience everything With you.

- best part, everyone around u will love him. I'm sorry but I like it when my bf is liked by the old ladies and my parents and my boss. He will make you the power couple, even if you aren't as "powerful". He is your biggest loudest supporter always. Always introducing you to ppl as if you cured world hunger , telling everyone just how smart and kind you are taking any opportunity to talk about You. And dancing with him at galas makes you feel like a princess

- he will get the best gifts, say the sweetest things, be the most supportive kind eyes only for you guy once he genuinely falls in love.

I love jason a lot too, and tim and bruce too. Like yes I daydream about all of them But I just hate how underrated my boy here is.

[early20sfailingplenty]

A while ago, you wrote Lester with a vampire s/o, and I was wondering if I can request something where he (and bros) find out she’s a siren? Maybe like, when she’s in her human form, she’s like, a regular girl, but when she’s in her siren form (which happens when she becomes wet), she has the typical abilities of a siren?

Lester would think it's the coolest thing ever! He's the kind of guy who finds out you can draw and unthinkingly asks if you can draw him! He means it with genuine encouragement, and it's only after you wince and seem to withdraw a little from him that he realises that perhaps he's being a little bit pressuring towards you and your skills.

Similarly, when he finds out that you transform into a siren when your skin becomes wet, Lester immediately wants to see!

"C'mon, darlin', c'n y'show me?" He's grinning, having only ever heard of sirens on TV and from those books which Bo used to read to him when the three brothers huddled up into one person's bed to comfort one another when their parents were fighting.

If you indulge him and transform, he wants to see you show off your skills - what can you do? It's very genuine, very supportive, with Lester whooping and hollering even if all you did was flick your tail as you come up for air - whether you need it or not, the mythology surrounding sirens can be contrary at times. If you don't, Lester ain't too bothered - he'll see it sooner or later. Sooner, he hopes, he's excited!He didn't know you could do this and he wants to see!!! He knows how to be patient and in the end, time tells all.

If it's possible, Lester falls even more in love with you, and in the back of his mind he's working out ways to use this to his advantage - sirens lure sailors, he lures canvases to Ambrose... yeah, this could be fun...

Bo scoffs when you tell him, he doesn't believe you, no matter how well you set up telling him, or even if he finds out because you transform.

You could be in the water in front of him, swishing your tail emphatically, and he would still bend down, squinting in concentration, trying to see how you're doing it. The call of the siren is irresistible, however, and the sweet haunting tones you emit from deep inside your throat would finally be what would convince him - he'd be powerless to resist even if he wanted to.

"You're real pretty, darlin', ain't never seen nothin' like it 'fore."

You should hope not, you silently bristle, but Bo's reverent gaze and calculative smirk as he mentally adjusts his killing routine to include you... it sends your tail curling - you might be the siren, but Bo is the honey trap, and you're both stuck.

Vincent, ironically, is the one least surprised. He always thought, in the privacy of his mind, that you were like a siren - how else had he been so immediately drawn to you, falling in love with you before he had even known your name? He had often sculpted sirens while thinking of you, you had an ethereal air about you. He had thought it an unexplainable facet of your personality - clearly, it wasn't.

He would sometimes ask you to sing to him; when his thoughts are too loud or he's angry or he just needs something to shut his mind down for a little bit. Your voice instantly sweeps him out to sea, like sailors in times gone by, and all Vincent can do is stand there and take it all in. You can lull him to sleep - he trusts you to protect him, though your true form is known the world over for causing the death of thousands.

How beautiful, then, that a man who has killed tens of people feels safe in the presence of one who has likely done the same. Truly, a match made in hell.

[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

Lucas & I had an..... exciting day with Philip and Annabelle. P. & I met in a park. It was all good, but as soon as we arrived at P’s place, it got stressful. My little one started to cry & scream. He was almost 2 months old and actually, he didn’t cry so much anymore, like the first weeks before. I kind of panicked. I thought he wasn’t well? Maybe I should take him to an emergency room? I was suddenly completely insecure again and just didn’t know what to do?

Annabelle was a much calmer and more balanced Baby than Lucas. She was 18 months now, almost 2 years old. While Philip tried to calm Lucas down, Annabelle was playing on the floor next to us in the living room. At first she didn’t pay much attention to Lucas, but when her Dad took him in his arms, Annabelle got a little.... moody too. I think she was jealous. I went to her, to get her to us on the couch.

Me: Sorry P.! I didn’t mean to yell at you. I panicked, yk?

Philip: Yea, I got it! But honestly, A., what’s going on? Why can’t you hold your son? I mean, you just stood there, he cried, you didn’t do anything. That’s why I picked him up. I didn’t mean to upset you, by thinking I could do better than you.

Me: Like I said, I just panicked a bit.

Philip: Why do you react when Annabelle cries, but not Lucas? She didn’t even cry, she's just fussy.

Me: I can and I want to hold my Baby! Give him to me, pls.

Philip:.... Uhm..... What the hell are you singing?? 😄

Me: Lucas likes it.

Philip: A birthday song?? Are you ok?

Me: I couldn’t think of anything better, but he likes it. And now give me my son!

Strangely enough, whenever I sing this Baby BD- song for Lucas, he has to poop. 🤔 Anyway, I think it was time for us to go home. Lucas got restless again. But Philip wanted to play with him & Annabelle. He put Lucas on a pillow on the floor, next to Annabelle.

That was really cute to watch tbh. While my little one was busy with Annabelle, I went to the kitchen to pack Lucas' baby stuff. I just wanted to go home. 😞

Philip noticed that I was acting strange and followed me into the kitchen. He asked me to be honest. Something didn’t seem right to him? He wanted to help me. Well, I told him I was always scared for Lucas, bcs he got withdrawal symptoms in the hospital and I can not cope with it. Sometimes when Lucas cries, I don’t dare to take him in my arms. I love my Baby, more than anything! I want to comfort him, and calm him down, but my fear of making it worse gets in the way. And although I have a family that helps and supports me, I feel lonely. No matter what I do, it's always wrong. I also told him that my Mom accused me, that I didn’t care about Lucas. But I do! I care and take care of him, but I’m never good enough for my Mother. I no longer felt comfortable with my parents at home. I am under constant observation and pressure. Everything I do is not right for them. I was slowly reaching my limits. I just waited for Nico and hoped, that everything would be better once he comes back home. But I asked Philip to keep all this to himself.

Philip: I won’t tell aN.. But... you should try to talk to him. Maybe you’ll feel better? He told me he's proud of you. You did all right.

Me: Really? But.... how does he know? He’s not here.

Philip: You were terribly afraid of the C-section, but you did great, he said. And even later you were so strong, you never complained, you just did what was necessary and gave your best.

Me: I didn’t do anything. I couldn’t even nurse my Baby. I only harmed him ..... But well, I’ll still try to do better. 😢

Philip: You’re doing great! A baby is exhausting. But don't worry, it's getting easier already, I promise.

Me: Ok. I believe you.

Previous/Next

[lover-of-mine]

You don't have to answer this question at all if it's too personal . I won't feel bad. I'm just trying to get an idea of what to expect. I'm agnostic and wasn't raised in any religion. I don't even know really anyone who practices Catholicism. The only thing I can interpret from my friends who are Christian is its definitely, harsher??? Values ingrained in them. I was wondering if you were raised religious and had to battle being queer vs any pre conceived notions you held or your family may have. I swear you said something once about Nuns crossing themselves when they passed you for having colored hair? Sorry if I'm wrong on that. I just feel like if they are doing this they are really doing it and what a story of deconstructing yourself might look like.

Okay, this is a complicated question. I was raised religious and for all intents and purposes, I still am, but while I am christian, I was never catholic. I was raised with spiritism as a belief and they are a lot more open to stuff than different churches. The experience I had with catholic people telling me stuff like being queer is wrong was in school, because my city is very catholic and because we had a religious study class that was mandatory and the teacher was very Sunday school type vibes even though it wasn't supposed to be a catholic leaning class, but at that point I was old enough to push back, so I was constantly fighting my teacher. I'm not out to my family because while my parents never had a problem with queer people, my dad has made some comments about bisexual people that make me scared even tho they weren't fully bigoted, it's just boomer talk, being ignorant, and, honestly, I think he knows and he's waiting for me to say something because there was a situation with one of my cousins a few years back that got me really heated because her side of the family is very religious, and she's some shade of queer and people kept using religion against her, and my dad suddenly started talking about acceptance and stuff like that while supporting how frustrated I was with my uncle, but honestly, at this point I'm kinda settled into only coming out to them if there's a girl I want them to meet. I did go to university in a very religious city and I had to deal with multiple people commenting on my appearance, specifically colorful hair, the nun thing did happen, I had blue hair and I was wearing a shirt that had a cross made of skulls, they didn't like that, but I've had people tell I'm not getting into heaven and my sin was pink hair. I can't really help with this particular aspect because my struggle with being bi was never about someone telling me that loving women is wrong, it was always I do like men, so I just thought people felt that way about everybody. I fully kissed another girl and didn't accept I was bi until like, 3 years later lol. I will say that catholicism as a whole is very engrained into latino culture, and I did experience that adjacently, the whole being gay is a sin thing, but since in my house I didn't have that, I pushed back, I pushed back enough that my whole school believed I was a lesbian by the time I hit highschool (I grew up in a small town, everyone knows everyone)

Now, applying the whole thing to Eddie, I think with the way that Eddie talks about religious pressure defining some steps he took with his life, deconstructing his relationship with religion and the concept of God would be important for him to fully accept himself if that's where they're going. Mostly because I think he needs to confront the way he views the works and when you grow up religious, it does affect the way you look at things even if you don't believe that religion anymore. But I don't think I can give anything more insightful given the way I don't know how it feels like to experience catholicism the way Eddie does. I do believe that Eddie finding himself does mean Eddie accepting he is some shade of queer, and since they touched on the whole catholic guilt last season, that's a good way to force him to accept that there's nothing wrong with him, but it's more about the way I watched people go through similar stuff, not any personal experience.

[jkoningen]

Pregnant? || Part One || [Sapnap x Fem!Reader]

Summary: You and Nick have been together for two years, planning significant events for your near future, unaware of a new event that suddenly happened.

— AN: Wow, I finally wrote something other than a blurb or chat. I hope you enjoy, and if you do, let me know if you want me to continue writing it;)

Pairing: Sapnap x Female Reader

Content Warnings: Some curse words, talk of pregnancy; nothing too juicy, yet.

not my image.

_

You and Nick have been dating for two years, and it’s been magical.  There was the occasional argument, but you two worked it out.  He may be a famous YouTuber, but you were an accountant; you didn’t know much about his career, but every time he spoke about it, you listened.  You finally made it into a steam he hosted, presenting you as his girlfriend a year into the relationship, and didn’t do too many with him after; that was his career, and you were just his supporter.

When it came to having a good time, Nick wasn’t one to use protection. He loved the intimacy.  You didn’t mind, being on birth control, and he had a suitable pull-out game; you weren’t too worried about it until a few weeks went by, and suddenly you were due for a period, but then never got it.  You looked over your birth control packet to see if you missed a pill, but you didn’t, and then you thought back to remember if he pulled out, and suddenly you couldn’t remember if he did.

Panicking, you went to the drug store and bought two pregnancy tests; to make sure one wouldn’t fool you.  Arriving back at your apartment in a rush, you realize you couldn’t pee.  You were so stressed you couldn’t feel the urge.

You and Nick didn’t live together; you were planning on it, getting bills figured out as you would be moving into a different place. He wanted something close to George and Clay.

You sat on the couch and closed your eyes while leaning back, trying to control your breathing and body.  It seemed like minutes passed before you felt the urge to pee, standing and running into the bathroom with the tests.  Popping a squat, you opened both packages and took turns peeing on them, resting the tests on the bathtub while you finished up.  After washing your hands, you looked in the mirror, and soon your head was filled with scenarios of what Nick would think.

I can’t believe you let this happen!  We’re not ready to be parents!  I don’t want to have kids.  We can’t do this together; I can’t do this.

Tears rolled down your cheeks when your eyes opened.  Sighing, you took a deep breath and finally looked at the tests on the tub: POSITIVE.  Fuck.

You always knew you could handle being pregnant and having a child, but you and Nick never really got into having kids, so you weren’t 100% sure what his thoughts would be.  You would’ve liked to be married first and living with the father, but life happens; that’s what you kept telling yourself as you picked up the phone after dialling Nick's contact.  The phone rang and rang.  No one picked up.

You tossed your phone on the counter and sighed heavily, running your hands through your hair.  Suddenly, your phone rang, and it was Nick.  Slowly picking up the phone, you answered and put it to your ear.  “H-hello?”

“Hey, baby, was just in the shower.  What���s up?”

“There’s something I need to tell you, and I just want you to know I don’t want you to feel pressured to stick around or anything, but,”

“Hey, hey.  What are you talking about?  Are you leaving me?”  His voice was now full of worry.

“No, no, but you may be leaving me.”  You paused, taking a deep breath before continuing, “I’m pregnant.”  There was silence for a few solid moments before he cleared his throat and spoke.

“How far are you?”

“I’m not too sure.  I would say maybe a few weeks.” Another moment of silence.

“Okay, okay, no problem-”

“I’m so sorry, I kept taking my pill, but it’s only 97% effective.”

“It’s fine, baby, listen.  I’m going to come over. I just need to get dressed.  I’ll see you soon.”  He hung up, and you didn’t know how to feel.  There was a neutral feeling in your chest, not knowing your true emotion at that point in time.

[bteezxyewriter12]

With You

Pairing- Tae x Named Reader

Word count- 3.8k

Includes- Heavy themes, assault, rape, life support turned off, drug use, overdose, suicide, death, funeral

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxminnie @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@borntowalkaway @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @seokwoosmole @meowmeowminnie @realisticnotes @effielumiere @svnbangtansworld @pinkies-things @insomniacatiny @marvelfamily3000 @amyz78 @blueie-things

Gif Credit- Vonita

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝BTS Masterlist 📝Tae Masterlist

Present

Tae POV

"Sign here Mr. Kim"

I can't believe I'm doing this

I don't want to

It's killing me

But she's been here with no change for a year and a half

And her parents are pressuring me to do this

They can't make this decision since she's my wife

It's my decision

I also know that she'd never want to live like this

If you can call it living

I'm doing it for her and no one else

I sign the fucking paper and the nurse takes it back

"The doctor will be in in a few minutes", she informs me

I just nod

When she leaves, I let the tears I was holding back, fall

I take Joanne's hand in mine and just wait

--------------------------------

One year and a half ago

I pick up my phone

"Hi baby", I say

"Tae, where are you? Did you forget?", Joanne asks

I didn't forget

I just can't go

And I haven't told her yet

"No baby, I didn't forget", I answer

She's going to be so mad

Her best friend is having a birthday party to celebrate her 25th birthday

And Joanne wanted me to go with her

She asked me and I told her yes

I can never tell her no

And I want to go with her

We got married last year but with the constant touring we haven't really been out together

She comes with me on the tours since she's one of our makeup artists but it's not the same as actually going out and doing something

I'm usually extremely exhausted after a concert or if we do go out it's with the guys sightseeing

It's not just me and her

I've taken her out to eat when we're on tour but that's only for like an hour or so

This would of been the first time it was just me and her for the whole night being around her friends

Friends she hasn't seen in a year

She never asks me for anything

She deals with the idol lifestyle and everything that comes with it

She never complains and is always there for me

So the one time she asks me for something I always try to give it to her

"Ok so where are you? You said you'd meet me here after your meeting. That was over an hour ago. When are you going to get here?", she asks

Here goes

"I can't come baby"

"What?", she asks, sounding confused, "I thought you made sure that you told everyone you needed to that you were busy today. You said you got off for this"

"I know baby"

"Then what the hell Tae?"

"Baby I did get the day and night off like I told you. But at the meeting the managers told us we have a performance tomorrow and we have to practice"

"Seriously Tae? Seriously? You have to practice? You'll be there for hours", she says, disappointment in her voice

I hate disappointing her

That's the worse thing ever

All she does for me and I can't even do this one thing she asks

She should never feel disappointed because of me, she should always be happy

I try to make her happy as much as I can

"I know Jo. I don't want to be here, I want to be with you."

She sighs, "I know Tae. I just miss you. I was excited for you to be here with me. I always have to go to these things alone when I wish you were with me"

I'm such a fucking ass

All she wants is me and I can't give her me all the time

"I'm sorry Jo. I'm so sorry"

"I know Tae. It's ok. I get it", she says quietly, "I'll let you get back to practice"

"Baby", I start

"It's ok Tae. I promise it's ok. I'll see you at home ok. I love you so much", she says

Fuck, I hate doing this to her

She never gets mad at me and she always forgives me

She shouldn't have to, I should fucking be there with her

"I love you too Jo. More than anything. I promise I'll make it up to you."

"I know you will Tae even though you don't have to. I love you"

"I love you too baby"

"Bye Tae"

"Bye"

She hangs up the phone and I yell

"FUCK!"

"What happened? Tae what happened?", Jungkook asks worried

"Nothing. I just have to be here instead of with Joanne like I promise her I'd be"

"You're supposed to be with Joanne?", Namjoon asks confused

I roll my eyes, "Yes. I told you guys that I had plans to go out with her tonight. And now I can't because of this fucking performance tomorrow"

"Yeah but Tae, she knows how things are with us. Surprise performances and events are normal for us", Jimin reasons, "She knows that"

"Of course she knows that! But she shouldn't have to be disappointed because I can't be with her. The one time she asks me to go somewhere, I tell her I can and then I have to cancel on her. She never asks me for anything and the one time she does I have to blow her off. She never gets mad at me, she gets disappointed and that's worse than anger. And she always forgives me, always telling me it's ok and that she loves me. It's not fair to her", I explain

"Tae-", Hobi starts

"I don't want to hear it ok? I don't. I just want to practice and get the hell out of here so I can go home to her. She'll be home by the time we're done and I want to be with her. So just turn on the fucking music"

I walk away from them and stand to the side getting ready for the choreography

---------

I'm still at practice when my phone goes off again

I stop doing the choreography to look at it

It's Joanne

I turn and leave the practice room to talk to her

I don't give a shit if they get angry

"Baby?", I answer

"Tae! Tae!", she calls, fear in her voice

"Joanne, what's happening? What's wrong?", I ask panicking

"I'm being followed Tae. I left Tracy's apartment and two guys grabbed me. I got away but they're following me", she cries, sounding out of breath

I immediately start running to the door of BigHit and to my car

"Baby I'm coming. Where are you?"

"I..I don't know. I'm just running", she panics

"Jo, please, get to a corner and tell me where you are"

I need to know which way to go

"Uh", she says, silent for a minute

She tells me where she is and I put it in the gps

As soon as the directions come up I floor it.

"I'm coming baby ok. I'm coming"

"Tae I hear them. They're looking for me."

Motherfuckers

I should of been with her

"Can you hide somewhere?", I panic

"Nnno, it's an empty alley. There's nothing to hide behind or in"

"Ok. Ok.", I answer trying to think

"Tae I'm scared. I want you", she cries

"I'm coming baby"

I look at the gps

Fifteen minutes until I get to her

If I go the normal speed limit

Which I'm not

"Baby run and try to get someone to open their door for you until I get there ok?"

"I tried. No one is opening their door"

"Keep trying Jo ok?"

"Ok", she sobs

I'm fucking terrified

I'm trying to push it away to be here for her but I'm not doing a good job

I hear her running and knocking on a door

"Please open the door. I need help. Please", she cries

I don't hear anything

No door opening

I hear her running again and knocking again

"Please help me. Please"

"There she is", I hear a voice yell

"Shit", she yells, "Tae no one is helping me."

What is wrong with these people?

Why aren't they helping someone whose asking for it?

She has clear distress in her voice

How can they ignore her?

She's not a guy, she's a girl

"Tae they're coming, Tae. What do I do?", she sobs

"Baby", I choke out

I don't know what she can do except run

"Just run baby. I'm almost there and you can tell me where you are ok?"

"Come here!", I hear a guy yell

"No!", I scream, "No Jo, run"

Five minutes

I'm five minutes away

Please please

Don't let anything happen to her

Please

Joanne screams so loudly

"Shut up", I hear someone yell and what sounds like a hit

"Joanne!", I shout

"Get off. Get off me", she cries

"Get her on the floor", one yells

"No. Get off her! Get off her" I scream

"Tae! Taehyung!", she screams

"I said shut up"

I hear another hit and rage flood my body.

I'm going to kill them

"Ahhhhh. Stop. Stop. Get out. It hurts. Get out!", she sobs, "Tae!"

What the fuck are they doing to her?

Are they.....raping her?

They're dead

So fucking dead

"Tae! Tae!"

It's killing me to hear her call for me and I can't help her

"Shut up. He can't help you"

"I'm going to fucking kill you!", I scream in the phone

I hear her phone being picked up

"Are you Tae?", the guy asks

"Yes motherfucker. You're fucking dead, do you hear me? Get the fuck away from her"

He laughs

Motherfucker actually laughs

"You're already too late"

Then he hangs up her phone

"Fuck!", I scream

I need to get there now

----------

"Joanne! Baby where are you?", I yell

I tried to call her back but her phone is off

I don't know what they did to her phone

I just parked my car at the street she gave me and I've been running up and down the blocks looking for her

Calling her name

But she doesn't answer

There's so many alleys all over this area

"Joanne! Baby please answer me!", I cry, "Please baby, where are you?"

I pass an alley and I hear something that makes me stop

"Ttt....Tae"

"Joanne?", I call, hoping it's her

"Tae"

I shoot down the alley, looking for her

"JOANNE oh my god!", I shriek when I find her

"Baby no. Baby", I sob, kneeling next to her and pulling her into my arms

I'm going to kill these motherfuckers

Her entire face is bloody and she's not responding, not breathing well

There's bruises all over her body

Her clothes are ripped and her pants and underwear are pulled down

They raped her

They fucking raped her then beat her

My baby

"Jo, I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry I wasn't here. Please baby", I cry hysterically, "Please don't leave"

"Tae?", she whispers

"Joanne, baby"

"Tae?"

"Yeah baby, I'm here. I'm here baby", I answer

"Tae... I...I love you"

"I love you Jo. So much baby. You're going to be ok"

"Tae", she says, then her body goes limp in my arms

"No! Joanne! Baby wake up! Wake up!"

I need an ambulance

I pick up my phone and call one

Then I sit there, holding her and waiting

--------------------------------

Present

The doctor comes in

"Is this a good time? Do you need more time?"

Yes I need more time

I need a lifetime with her

But I can't have it

"It's never a good time for this. I'll never be ready. But just do it"

The doctor nods then goes to her

He unhooks her from the things that are keeping her alive

He turns off the ventilator and unhooks her from it

Then he says, "I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone"

I just nod

After he leaves I get up and move onto her bed, holding her in my arms

----------

After the ambulance came, they took Joanne into surgery right away

I was crying hysterically

I call the guys and they came to the hospital to stay with me

She was in surgery for a long time

When the doctor came out, everything ended

She was alive, but barely

I was told her brain swelled and bled from being hit over and over with an object

Because of that she doesn't respond to anything or show any signs of awareness

The doctor told me she's in a vegetative state and she may never come out of it

I was told she may open her eyes or move but it's just her body functions

She's not conscious

She was raped also but I knew that

The thing I didn't know that absolutely killed me was that she was pregnant

Two and a half months

And the baby didn't survive the attack

I was already completely destroyed finding about about Joanne's condition

This just pushed me over and I had a breakdown

I found out later that she was going to tell me that night

After the party, we were supposed to go home where she decorated the apartment announcing the pregnancy

She had "You're going to be a dad" balloons and sonogram pictures

When I walked into the apartment to get some stuff to bring to the hospital, I saw everything she did

And I couldn't stop crying

I felt like I was dying

And I've been feeling that way since that night I found her

----------

She was moved to a facility with doctors and nurses who care for her

I can stay overnight a few times a week but not all the time

I can't stand being away from her

I still practice and do performances, fan meets, events but it's torture for me

I missed the last tour because I flat out refused to leave her here for months alone

ARMYS are not happy but I don't care

They know what happened to her

They know those motherfuckers who did this to her were never caught

And they expect me to be over it in a few months?

Yeah right

A year ago, the doctors told me that she's in a permanent vegetative state and advised me to stop the little life support she gets

I flat out refused and almost took the doctors head off for even suggesting it

They guys tried to talk to me to get me to see both sides but I didn't want to hear it

Her parents tried to talk to me but I told them no, then I didn't pick up their calls anymore

I just kept hoping she'd get better

And I still do

But a few months ago I told Namjoon about what Joanne's parents were telling me

Joanne had caught an infection, from where I don't know and it was bad

She had to be put on a breathing machine to help her breath because it was very shallow and she was having a hard time

And she never got off of it

The infection messed up her lungs and she needs the machine to help her breathe

I needed someone to talk to so I talked to Namjoon

And he talked to me one on one

He wasn't trying to change my mind, he was trying to get me to see both sides of the decision

He told me it was ok to want to keep her alive because even though the chances of her coming out of this is slim, there's still a chance

He also told me to think about her and the quality of life she's living, to think if she'd want to live this way on a hope that may never happen

I thought about it for a long time and I came to the decision to let her go

It's selfish of me to keep her here, it's not fair to her

They way she is, that's not a way of living

She's my everything but she's not really there

She's trapped inside and can't get out

She has a fucking machine helping her breath because she can't do it by herself

I hate that I have to let her go but I will do it for her

Everything I've ever done was always for her

-----------

I hold her close in my arms, running my fingers in her hair and singing to her

The doctor told me to talk to her, that she may be able to hear me

So I talk to her all the time and I sing to her a lot

She always told me my voice was her favorite even when we were just friends before we got together

She loved how deep my voice is and asked me to sing to her all the time

She's been off the machines for twenty minutes

She's still breathing, her eyes closed

I was told that it could take hours to days for her to go

Most likely hours because she needed help breathing

I hate this

I hate that I have to hold her until she's gone

I hate that she's going to die in my arms

But I would never leave her alone

I'd do everything and anything for her

Always

-----------

I open my eyes, hearing a steady beeping sound

Shit, I fell asleep

I was up for hours with her and she was still here when I closed my eyes

I look up at the heart monitor that was left on her and it's a continuous flat line

"Baby? Joanne? JOANNE!", I panic

I press my hand to her chest but I don't feel a heartbeat

I sit up, laying her in the bed and putting my ear to her mouth

She's not breathing

She's gone

She's really gone

My heat breaks into a million pieces and the pain takes over

"Baby, no, baby", I cry, picking her up and holding her to me again

I press the button on her bed for the nurse or doctor

A minute later someone comes inside the room

"Did you call"

I nod sobbing, "She's, she's gone"

"Let me get the doctor", she says, hurrying out

The doctor comes in a few minutes later with the nurse

"May I check her please?", he asks

I don't want to let her go but I do

I move off the bed letting the doctor check her

"I'm sorry Mr. Kim. She's passed"

Doesn't he think I know that?

Of course I know that

I just nod because what else can I say

"Do you need more tim-", he starts

"Yes. I want to stay with her for a little while longer"

Both of them nod

"We'll give you some time. And again I'm very sorry", the doctor answers

"Thank you", I choke out

They leave and I wait a minute to make sure they're gone

I reach into my pocket and take out the drugs

I planned this from the second I decided to sign the papers

I can't live without her

I just can't

She's part of me, she's my other half

Part of me died when she did and I can't live without that part

And the truth is I don't want to

I have zero interest in being in a world where she's not

I want it to be quick and I don't want to be saved

I asked around and found a drug dealer willing to sell to me

I asked him for the strongest drug he had

It's something called grey death

It's heroin mixed with other drugs and a synthetic opioid

I don't care what it is as long as it kills me

I did looked it up before I bought it and it's an almost instant death if a large amount is taken

I bought a lot and I asked him how to take it

Injecting is the best way, so I'm heating up all of it

When it's a liquid, I pull out a large syringe and fill it all until there's nothing left

Moving to the bed I lay down with her

I slide the needle in my arm and press the plunger all the way down

The effect is almost immediate

I feel so sleepy and I feel like I can't breathe

Turning to Joanne, I pull her close, facing her

My hand shakes as I run it in her hair one last time

I kiss her lips and snuggle close to her

"I love you Joanne. I'm coming baby and we'll be together forever"

It's getting harder to breathe, so I close my eyes and wait

🐯🐯🐯🐯🐯🐯🐯🐯🐯🐯

Jimin POV

I can't stop crying

Jungkook is standing next to me, crying and holding me up while I look at Tae in his casket

Joanne's is next to him in hers

My best friend is gone

He killed himself

I knew he was so broken from what happened to Joanne

He was never the same after her attack

I knew he was having a difficult time deciding what to do

I knew he was going to be lost, distant and destroyed from her death

But I never thought he'd commit suicide

The doctor found him dead, in the bed with Joanne

He died next to her, holding her close to him

After tests we're done on his body his death was ruled as a suicide by overdose

He had so much drugs in his system

We found out he used the drug called grey death

The kind he had was a mix of heroin, furanyl fentanyl, a synethic opioid called U-47700 and carfentanil

All of that is bad but the main one that he had the most of was the carfentanil, which caused his death

We were told that carfentanil is a animal tranquilizer for large animals like elephants and is extremely deadly to humans

It stopped his breathing

The doctor estimates that he died right away, maybe five minutes after he took it based on the levels in his blood

He just couldn't handle being without her

I couldn't believe it when we were told he was dead

I thought it was a sick joke

And I denied it up until today

When I saw him laying there it hit me and it became real

He's gone

Then seeing Joanne was a double blow

She was my best friend since we were kids

We grew up together and she was like my sister

I don't know how I'm going to deal with this

We lost them both the same day

I don't know how I'm going to get through this day

Today is the burial

We're going to the cemetery soon

They're being buried together because that's what they wanted

I can't believe this

A year and a half ago, everything was fine

They're were happy, married, in love and going to have a baby

And now they're both gone

How does shit like this happen?

How and why?

Why them?

They never did anything to anyone

They were just happy together

They shouldn't have died

Those assholes who attacked her should be dead, not them

"Jimin we're leaving in a few minutes. They're giving us time to say goodbye", Namjoon says softly

Fuck I can't do this

This day is going to be a nightmare

But I am happy about one thing

And that's that they're together

Wherever they are, they're together

[femmeroi]

You SHOULD talk about Manjoume Jun's queerness, he's an icon and that's an essay I'd love to read

I SHOULD !!! Jun is my (4th) favourite nasty dude hes so hes so hes o so so so. His gender game is so immaculate and he is only maybe a he/they on a good day. He’s playing 5d gender chess in a uno world. He has so many layers even he isn’t ready to pull them all back yet. His he/him pronouns are an unanswered prayer. He pays child support for masculine terms, they're all he has left after the divorce. I think he always has one foot in the closet, I don’t think he ever really got over his brother's abuse, and if he didn't have friends like Fubuki he’d never accept himself. Even when he accepts himself it's in a very limited way. He's flamboyant, he's unapologetic, he's afraid. To ME he is a nonbinary trans woman gay man, he's a faggot woman, and I think that's beautiful. 

GX as a whole can be read in a very queer way when you consider the ties between familial relationships, duel spirit relationships, and personal acceptance. This tie is most obvious in Jun, who has a solid and obvious arc centering these three aspects. Even then, I feel like people often misinterpret or waterdown his. Everything.

Under the read more is a very long breakdown of my thoughts. If something doesn't make sense, sorry, I have divine madness and a fever.

I’m going to start off with his family, everyone knows them, everyone hates them, and everyone misunderstands them. People often fall into the belief that after his duel with Chosaku, Jun obtained some kind of absolute freedom from his family, often even saying he cut them off. I don’t believe this is entirely correct or incorrect, it’s a belief that's in the right direction while missing the nuance of his situation. Jun’s familial arc isn't about severing ties or escaping abusive structures, it’s about easing the pain by gaining respect. Jun still has a role within the Manjoume Group after his duel with Chosaku, the difference is that after their duel he got their trust. It’s with that trust he got a semblance of freedom, and I believe people often conflate that freedom with absolute liberation.

Jun still works for his family, he is still under their influence, they are just more hands off about it now than before. I say this because his role in the Manjoume Group clearly means a lot to Jun, this is seen through his displays of wealth and his insistence to be called “Manjoume” long after everyone is on a first name basis. He's even seen using the Manjoume Groups money and name to renovate facilities within the school, and if you think that's something an estranged family would allow I have. Serious questions. Like what's your estranged parents credit card number. His connection to the Manjoume Group is only reinforced in season four, where his intention isn’t to get away from his family rather it is to prove himself worthy to his family. His role in the Manjoume Group is also recognized by other characters, which shows that even publicly he is affiliated with them.

All that said, Jun’s brothers are still extremely controlling and abusive people. My dearest mutual (also the very person to send the ask. Hi friend <3) Ren Krakenshaped said one of the minor themes of GX is, “[The] negative influences in your childhood [and how they] can affect you liberating yourself from those negative influences.” I absolutely love the way they worded it and I can’t agree more. I’m putting this here not just to hype her up but also to expand on it in relation to Jun. While I believe Jun's familial arc isn't about absolute liberation, he still gets a semblance of freedom as I mentioned before. He's able to use the cards he wants and he has less pressure to be absolutely perfect, but he still acts as a representative for his family.

The pressure he's under is still present, showing itself in a lesser way through his self-deprecating comments, inferiority complex, and his fear of failure. I think it's important for people to recognize the presence and control that the Manjoume Group still has on him even after his moment of “liberation” against Chosaku. Not everyone can and not everyone will escape the negative influences in their life. There's a lot that can be done with the balance Jun has achieved with his family, but he still does have to play by their rules. 

Now that I got the familial situation outlined, it’s time to talk about his duel spirits ! And I promise I WILL bring this all around to his queerness. I prommy. Hold on with me for another couple hundred words. Unlike Johan, Yusuke, and Judai, Jun didn't have some innate connection to duel spirits. His ability to see and interact with the spirits appeared later in life, more specifically during the worst part of his life up to that point. Jun was under pressure to be the perfect child, and then he got demoted from the Obelisk Blue dorms, and then he got stranded at sea, and then his deck got stolen. And at some point in all of that, he started seeing duel spirits.

I think two things were integral to his awakening, the first was his need to grow as a duelist, and the second was isolation. His need for growth comes from him failing to live up to his family's name, but the growth itself happens when his family is absent. After getting stranded at sea, Jun had no line of communication with his brothers, and he didn’t regain communication with them until he went back to the Central Duel Academia campus. On top of that the people in North Academy seem not to know- or care in case of the headmaster- about Jun’s family name. With this Jun is temporarily freed from the expectations his family and peers place onto him- and instead he is able to focus on growing in his own way. It’s at the North Academy Jun is able to solidify his persona, and it’s at the North Academy he is able to start building his own deck instead of using whatever his family provides.

His individualism and desperation leads him to Ojama Yellow, his need to keep his family life and dueling life separate leads him to the other two Ojama brothers, and his first steps in the professional field created the card Pride Shout. His growth as a duelist, and his relationship with his spirit partners, is linked to the distance he has from his family. His communication with duel spirits, while a physical reality in the show, also functions as a device to show Juns road to self actualization as he comes to terms with his own identity.

And then we get to the actual treatment of his duel spirits. It's made clear through the anime that he does like his duel spirits, and that they know it. He has several decks, not because he's some great duelist like Daichi, but because he cares for the spirits attached to them. And if a card has no purpose he will make them one- either through strategy or by making a whole new card out of pure will.

Despite all this, hes a fucking asshole to his duel spirits. He writes on their cards, he yells at them, he hits them, he throws them in the dirt. While a lot of this behavior is easy to write off as “typical tsundere Jun” or as a gag, I can't help but wonder what's so different between Fubuki, for example, and Ojama Yellow. They're both flamboyant, loud, and annoying. Maybe it's because Ojama Yellow is pathetic. Then what's the difference between Fubuki and the Dark Scorpions ? As a duelist, the decks function as an extension of his character, and his fate more often than not relies on their performance. All things considered, he should be treating them with respect.

I think, specifically for his deck, his distaste comes from the fact that they are an extension of him. Not because he has a horrifying inferiority complex, but because the spirits then function as a part of his identity that he can not control. He can choose the cards in his deck, for the most part, but he can not make the cards act in any specific way. And I don't necessarily think he wants to control how the spirits act, instead he happened to meet them during a time he had no semblance of control after spending years of his life curating a very specific image for himself and he had a hard time coping with the fact that everything he worked for may very well disappear soon if he doesnt start acting in a specific way once again. This is also why he starts being nicer to his cards in season four, the moment he gets his identity back, the moment he has a direction in life, he calls Ojama Yellow his ace. Love !

So like. Why did I say all of that ? Well, I feel like outlining how his familial relationship actually works and how he manages things like duel spirits is really important to understanding how he’d approach a queer identity- and thanks to bandit Keith homophobia is ambiguously cannon and I’m going to accept all the baggage that comes with. I see a lot of queer readings of Jun’s journey begin and end with Chosaku’s duel, or be reduced to “well the card's name is Pride Shout.” And that’s. Not it. To me, Jun’s queer journey never did begin. Not on the outside at least. The duality between his flashy attire and self image issues, the contrast between his free going deck and his need to uphold the family name, the lingering control that the Manjoume group has on him through Chosaku and through public perception, it all just feels so closeted to me. I love that Jun was able to find a part of himself, but he was never able to fully embrace it out of shame until the very last duel of his. I love how he holds onto fear even after that moment. I love how much Jun does without actually doing, I love how he found a way to be himself despite living under his family's expectations, I love how genuinely stifling it is for him, I love how he never stops trying anyway. I think his character is best served in the closet, I think he needs to leave his family, but I dont think it's that easy for him. It's really hard to grow past the negative influences in your life when you set them as your goal.

Anyway nonbinary trans woman gay man Manjoume Jun realness !

[princeescaluswords]

A lot of Scott haters generate very poor analysis of the show because they are operating on a fundamentally flawed premise, namely, that the characters they like have the same opinion of Scott that they do. (This isn't exclusive to Teen Wolf fandom, I've seen it in other fandoms, it's a common error fandoms make.) I may have problems with certain actions taken by Stiles but I would NEVER claim he doesn't love or care about Scott or would choose Derek of all people over him. That's not Stiles.

Nothing supports your conclusion more than fandom's "re-interpretaton" of Master Plan (2x12). In this episode, Stiles makes several very clear (and very emotional) statements about how he feels about the most important people in his life: his father, his mother, Lydia, and Scott. His actions conform completely to those statements.

He makes it clear he loves his father, Lydia, and Scott. He acts to protect his father, Lydia, and Scott. He lies, concealing the truth behind his kidnapping, to his father, because he doesn't want his father anywhere near the Hale-Argent feud. He shouts at Lydia to try to dissuade her from pursuing Jackson, revealing the depth of his feelings toward Lydia, the danger she is in, and how that is influenced by his own mother's death, but he still guides her to the climactic confrontation in the warehouse. He doesn't seek out Scott immediately because he knows that his kidnapping and beating is meant to apply pressure to Scott "And look at my face, huh? Come on, you actually think this was meant to hurt me?" In the aftermath, he reassures Scott that he has his back always.

Stiles always figures it out, and he recognizes the dangers that the people he loves are in, and he acts accordingly.

But then here comes fandom. Since the majority of fandom seems not to be all that attracted to Lydia, they don't care about her. Since the majority are busily projecting their own issues with their parents onto the Sheriff, they don't recognize how his position in law enforcement complicates his relationship with Stiles. Since the majority of the fandom are outraged that Derek isn't the main character, they are primed to see Scott in the worst possible light.

The fandom wants a Stiles who dwells exclusively on his own physical and emotional pain and who doesn't look at what has happened -- as the Canon Stiles does -- in terms of the health and safety of his family and friends. The fandom also wants a Stiles who worships Derek the way they do, so they conjure concern for the Hale pack, even though Stiles didn't mention Derek (and Derek didn't mention Stiles) during the final two episodes of Season 2. They want Stiles, as their stand-in, to make the case for shifting the focus of the show to Derek, so they perform incredible feats of doublethink, taking Stiles's earlier shots at Scott (which they have interpreted before as Stiles's way of showing his love for Scott) as literal, critical and damning judgment of Scott's value while simultaneously believing that Stiles would be shocked and blindsided by Scott's behavior.

Of course, to accomplish this new paradigm they have to eject 70% of canon. Derek didn't try to kill Lydia, Derek hasn't been alternatively brutal and manipulative toward his best friend, Isaac and Erica didn't attack Stiles on Derek's orders, and Derek didn't create the kanima which almost murdered Stiles's father. Fanon Stiles doesn't love Lydia enough to challenge Peter and Gerard, he doesn't care for and have faith in Scott enough to ignore his own physical and emotional trauma to support him , and he certainly didn't leave Boyd and Erica in the Argent basement in order to prioritize protecting his father. I imagine this level of editing is hard work.

Of course, when people like us point this out, they have two primary and contradictory declamations. "We're not bound by canon!" fandom cries only to follow that up immediately with "Why can't you let people enjoy things?" But by discarding canon to this degree, they're not just enjoying things: they're creating things. And when anyone creates something and puts it out for public consumption, the audience for it -- which includes you and me -- gets to react to that creation, just as we react to Teen Wolf.

And the red flags in their creation are consistent and widespread. Fanon Stiles is not Allison's friend and not in love with Lydia but still pays attention to their actions, he resents the fact that Scott simultaneously relies on him but doesn't do anything to discourage it, and desperately wants to be part of Derek "Like a hyperactive spaz" Hale's pack. Fanon Stiles cannot stand Scott because he hid his plan against Gerard from Stiles (even though there's no evidence Scott actually did that) but is more than willing to defend Derek's repeated instances of concealing information (the existence of the alpha, biting Jackson, the approach of the alpha pack, and Peter's resurrection). Fanon Stiles cannot forgive Scott for the Neck Grab of Destiny because it is morally wrong and crossed boundaries (regardless of the threat to Allison), but literally has not the slightest concern that Derek dispatched teenagers to execute an innocent Lydia repeatedly.

When we interrogate them about the choices they made for their creation, they get defensive. If they're willing to rewrite that much of canon, why does their product consistently celebrate the white male characters and diminish or demonize female and/or minority characters? After all, as they'll state forever, they're not beholden to canon. Yet, there has been no other offered consistent explanation for the specificity of Fanon Stiles's behavior from the fandom, because they obviously can't come out and say that they wanted to discard Canon Stiles's fantastic personality and actions for one that takes revenge for a Latino being the main protagonist and not a white man.

BUT IT'S NOT RACISM.

[iluvromance]

no pressure but how bout a character sketch on Michael?

alright character sketch. let's do this.

michael moscovitz, the man that "practically never shuts up". he has an opinion about anyone and anything, but not in a judge-y kinda way. but more in a psychoanalysis-y kind of way that will make one question when he's had so much time to even think over something so much.

michael is blunt. he's not going to sugarcoat anything. he repeatedly reminds mia that she's in fact failing a class (or two) and he doesn't mean to be harmful about it. he's pointing out a fact that will help her. and he doesn't do it just to be like "ha ha i know more than you". he does it and then offers his help.

michael is intelligent, but never flashy. his man could be the most hermione granger-esque insufferable know-it-all and yet he is not. i personally think it is because he's a january capricorn and likely predominately earth sign'd, but that's just me. BUT ALSO to other people, he might be annoying with his nerdy rambles, but to the readers and mia, he's hot.

but despite all this "nerdy" stuff, he has a whole different side in which he has a very specific type of sardonic sense of humor and a need to always one up his sister who is several years younger than him. he calls his parents by their first names (even if it's not to their faces cmon that's SO FUNNY).

he's a feminist, and absolutely supports women's wrongs (ex. women who murder) that that's a lovely trait to have. and he has a great imagination. i mean, kenny said mia is like that josie person or whatever. and michael says mia is badass like buffy (?). the imagination on this man is insane. like the firefighter and alien plot? that's both sexy and nerdy. they probably have a lore to them.

he's also a BOY because he hates backstreet boys and probably hates any kind of hair product that makes his hair look greasy.

michael is NOT a 3-in-1 shampoo and condition and body wash guy. he avoids them, not to jump on the hate train, but because he doesn't think that logically any part of his body will be clean after using that. ("i mean that's like saying shampoo is interchangeable with body wash. that's just ridiculous!")

he's not scared by a lot of things. he likes a good challenge. he's not scared of things like spiders or bears or stuff. but i do think he'll get more scared now that he has children and he wants to protect them from everything.

the only times we've seen michael anxious is when mia is with other people (as in kenny & JP) and when his parents separate. he's overall a chill guy. i do think that he carried CBD oil with him just in case.

anyways. michael listens to weird fucking music. like has anyone ever looked up the songs that he plays at prom? they're so freaking WEIRD. michael's the type to lend someone an earbud to listen to his ipod with him and then put on the most obscure and underground band ever heard and have the audacity to compare them to like lady gaga or something.

one thing i very strongly believe in is that michael moscovitz can hold a fucking grudge. or at least when someone wrongs him, he's not going to look at that person the same. ex. michael's interaction with JP at mia's birthday party on the yacht. that man was getting pissed off. and him wanting to punch JP during prom? that wasn't an "in the moment" thing. he absolutely was dreaming of doing that since the day of his flight to japan. and when he finally does punch him in book 11, he's LAUGHING ABOUT IT!!! he thinks it's amusing!!!!!! he knows he's won. he's been waiting for that moment for years!!!

another example of him holding a grudge: when lilly doesn't unload the dishwasher or do her own chores, forcing michael to do them, he'll repeatedly remind her that he's done something for her and that she owes him.

michael gets angsty over mia. michael totally stayed in his room all broody when kenny got mia. ("what does he have that i don't? i could be so good for her. i am so good for her!") and he was pissed off as HELL when he got to his flight when leaving for japan. and even mia says that he glares at the construction workers who cat call her and lilly. AND HOW MAD HE WAS DURING THE WHOLE PRECIOUS GIFT THING (rightfully so). and how he threw rocky's shoes back at him when rocky threw them at michael. LMFAOOOOOOO

michael is a swearer. i have said this many times. everything points to him having a dirty mouth. this man does not say "freaking". he says "fucking" and he means it. that being said, i don't think he swears like a sailor. but when the time is right, he's gonna be saying them.

michael's love language is words of affirmation. it could be giving gifts if mia was a gift person. but aint no way michael "way to go thermopolis!" moscovitz isn't a words of affirmation kinda guy.

have i missed anything?

[designedbysantos]

[ … ] ❀ you’re not from around here , are you? i figured because you totally just missed { ADRIANA SANTOS } walking by. don’t tell me you don’t know who { SHE } is ? they kind of look like { CAMILA QUEIROZ } and i could be wrong but i think that they might be { 26 } years old right now. they’ve been living in palmview for the last { THREE YEARS }. and i don’t know if anyone has ever told them this before but they kind of remind me of { BROOKE DAVIS } from { ONE TREE HILL }. if you stick around the town long enough you might catch them in action working at { PALMVIEW FASHION HOUSE } as a { FASHION DESIGNER }. you see this town isn’t really that big of a place, some folks like to call them the { PRIMADONNA } of palmview! they took a liking to the name too after a while, go figure. oh crap, they must have heard me yapping. they’re coming this way. i got to warn you though, rumor has it they can pretty { VAIN } at times. i wouldn’t take it too seriously though, from the times i’ve spoken to them they seemed pretty { INDEPENDENT } to me. we see each other all the time since they live in that { FIVE BEDROOM } apartment beside me over in { CORAL COVE }. i better leave you to it. it was nice meeting you! 

Here's my more sociable, flirty, vain little broken angel!

Adriana grew up in a big house with everything she could have ever asked for, aside from not being alone. Her parents never really wanted a child, but were pressured into it by their own families, which resulted in Adriana being born and them having very little to do with raising her. Nannys raised her during her formative years until she was old enough to be able to order take-out and handle her own credit card. Then that big house was all to herself and she absolutely hated it. She was lonely with only the endless presents and money presented to her instead of love and affection from her parents.

No one would suspect that though. Outside of her house, Adriana was the over-confident, popular mean girl who everyone loved and feared. She was the party girl, the boy crazy cheerleader, and if you crossed her, you would regret it. Over time with the right friends, she showed her softer side, the part of her that hid behind all of that to hide her loneliness and desperation to be loved.

The only person at Palmview who knows all of this now is her best friend and coworker Alyssa. They met their first year at university, roommates there to pursue their love of fashion. They were quick to bond and were attached at the hip. Where one was, the other was sure to be close behind. They supported each other through everything and had big plans to create their own fashion line together some day.

Until that day comes, they are working together at the Palmview Fashion House. Adriana is constantly coming up with ideas on what their fashion line will be like and she refuses to think that they won't get what they want in life. But another thing that Adriana wants but won't hardly admit is to find that one person that will love and stay with her through everything. To have a family and be a mom and all that stuff.

Ever since senior year of high school, she's had a presence online. Her beauty and lifestyle lead to something people wanted to see and follow and she has definitely used it to her advantage. She is always showing off her fashion sense and things she creates. She hopes that her social media following can be beneficial to her future fashion line.

Adriana can be vain, overconfident, and self-involved. She loves herself and thinks everyone else loves her too. Or at the very least admires her. On the surface no one would believe she could be insecure and afraid of people leaving, but that's why she's so good at hiding it. In her head, it's only a matter of time before she takes over the world and shows everyone who ever doubted her, including her parents, that she is amazing and worthy of love.

[ass-sassafras]

I got married and had kids because you wouldn’t stfu about getting grandkids. The pressure was immense. And then I got stuck in a marriage that almost made me kill myself, and now every time the kids stress me out or won’t let me get enough sleep for days in a row, the responsibility falls on me and no one else. I love my kids, but I’d feel better about all of this if I wasn’t pressured to have them by literally everyone. It was a foregone conclusion, no one was interested in my opinion about it. Christianity says it’s my job as a woman. It’s my purpose. I drank the kool-aid. 

You can’t have it both ways. You can’t need me to do what you want me to do and never disagree with you but also not resent you. Don’t treat your adult children in such a way that they don’t feel like they can really be themselves until you’re gone. Otherwise they’ll be subconsciously counting the years until you’re dead and wondering if they’ll have to wait until they’re 60 to actually be who they are. By then they’ll be old and used up and resentful toward everyone. Is that what you want for your kids?

I’m trying hard not to make the same mistakes with my kids that my parents made with me. 

And while we’re at it, every time I do what you guys want me to do, I’m the only one who has to deal with the fallout. You wanted me to get married to a believer so I did. Then, you didn’t want me to air my personal marriage issues because that’s private, so I endured the emotional abuse alone and let him treat me badly because I didn’t know it was wrong. He isolated me from my family with his hoarding, unwillingness to help clean our house and his crappy attitude, so I never saw my family only his. I was surrounded by people who didn’t like me and didn’t care how he treated me. I gave you the grandkids you wanted but it still wasn’t enough because you didn’t like my husband. Somehow his personality and actions were my fault. He was not a good person. So I divorced him. That was also the wrong thing to do. I was somehow supposed to stay with him and make it work and not kill myself, all without talking about my marriage to anyone and with no support from my family or his. 

So I left and made a friend who ended up taking advantage of me emotionally and financially, but also kept me company. I was able to be honest with him and be myself. No one liked him. I didn’t always like him either but he was my friend. He didn’t judge, he just tried support me. No one liked him and I didn’t’ like how he treated my kids. So I got rid of him. I made him leave. 

Now I’m alone and I got rid of both guys who my family didn’t like and I’m raising the kids my family wanted me to have and I’m doing it all by myself. And still it’s not enough. No one is supporting me, no one is helping me and I can’t even be honest about my opinions and feelings. There’s no room for my issues. I just need to shut up, be helpful and do what everyone wants. Not need anything, not make waves. People just want me for what I can do for them. They’re not interested in who I am as a person. My two options in everyone’s eyes are to either somehow miraculously go back to my ex husband and make it work at the expense of my mental health (not going to happen) or just be alone forever and be the martyr of the family. Fade into the background and not need anything ever. 

I need to get therapy or I’m not going to make it.

[chaos-has-theories]

4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42

(Numbers chosen at random, no idea what questions these correspond to)

Weirder asks

Thank you!! Took this as an opportunity to ramble at length. You have been warned.

4. Which cryptid being do you believe in?

Listen, it is complicated.

I was raised in a type of Christian Animism. I have vaguely dabbled in Paganism since I was thirteen and and researching for a presentation on witches (historical) and instead found witches (modern). If pressed, I would identify as agnostic. I study literature with a focus on folklore and took supplemental classes in science of religion and egyptology.

All of this only works if I sharpen my Alar like I am the zumil and the world my kolee, until my mind is the box that Mr. Schrödinger locked his kitten into.

What Cryptid do I believe in? All of them. None of them. The ghost that lives in the linen closet at [hotel name redacted]. Frau Perchta, who is Frau Holle, who is god, who is dead. Myself. "Apotheosis can happen to everyone, although.... the idea of being godlike may be attractive, being an actual god is less so." (London Review of Books, February 2022)

8. How many water bottles are in your room right now?

SO MANY. I always have one by my bed and one in my backpack, and I'm not sure if it counts but a glass carafe on my desk. But of course then there's my backup glass bottle, and the ~7 PET bottles in varying sizes that I keep with my bags for cases of "I want to bring an extra bottle for my friend" or for isotonic or energy drinks or JUST IN CASE, okay.

If I don't have a water bottle with me at all times, I simply die. It is what it is.

15. Are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

Well no, but actually yes. Technically speaking? Absolutely not and thank the stars for that. Right now and in a broader sense? Yeah, kind of.

Look, I have two younger siblings who are ~10 years younger than me. I feel very, very responsible for them. I am at all times trying to make up for the things my parents are doing wrong. Right now they are off hiking somewhere for a week, so my older sibling and me are taking care of the kids (who are solidly teenagers but shhhh). It means cooking and cleaning and helping my sib go to bed without getting lost in the sauce and being emotional support and doing the are you winning son and the did you remember to drink some water. It's exhausting and it's rewarding and I love them so much. They are SWEET and KIND and AMAZING and TALENTED and I feel like that statement alone qualifies me as an honorable parent. So there.

16. Can you drive?

Nope. I've been "meaning" to learn for a few years now, but what am I gonna do, get a car? Har har.

Sth sth speaking from a place of privilege (comfortable seat on functional public transportation): it just seems like a lot of hassle and money just to drive a handful of times a year. Maybe I'll learn someday. Maybe this summer. Maybe never.

23. How do you feel about chilly weather?

For various reasons my body at all times demands

- a tight underlayer, preferably with sleeves (for autism reasons, probably. Without pressure my skin will start screaming like a freshly unearthed mandrake)

- long trousers if possible (see above, though it used to also be dysphoria reasons)

- a loose layer (for dysphoria reasons)

- and a scarf (for neck tension reasons)

So all in all chilly just works better for me than hot. Spring is my beloved because it's cold enough for some layers and bright enough to chase off the demons.

42. An app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

Currently? IED. It's 3D minesweeper, programmed by a friend of a friend, downloaded via F-Droid.

I have been clocking in almost 2hrs per day since I downloaded last weekend. It's fun, but it isn't THAT fun. Huge sigh.

[staygoldwriting]

💘 As You Wish-Part 3

 Read Part One and Part Two!!

Warnings: fluff <3, friends to lovers

Word count: ~1.5k

A/N: This is the Thanksgiving edition!! This one hit me in the feels (does anyone say that anymore?? oh well lol) so much! I hope you all enjoy it, please make sure to read the previous chapters first, and as always...

Please show love and support ❤️✨

“Morning, Robin,” Eddie said as he walked into the Family Video.

“Hey there,” Robin smiled softly. “You look a little down, what’s going on?”

“Eh, Y/N left this morning, so, you know.”

“I do,” she said slowly. 

“I miss her a lot when she’s gone, I mean, I haven’t seen her in so long and now she’s only here for like twelve hours? It just doesn’t seem fair.”

“Did you tell her that?”

“Why would I? Everyone misses their friends when they’re gone.”

“Eddie,” Robin said, reaching for his hand and looking into his eyes, “can you really say that she’s just your friend?”

Eddie looked at her intently, then pulled away. “It doesn’t matter, that’s just the way things are, I can’t change that.”

“Yes, Eddie, you can. Y/N’s probably waiting for you to change it!”

“Doubtful, why would she want to be with me? I’m not smart, or popular, or on the track to having the ‘perfect life,’ I’m just-”

“Exactly who she’d want to be with. When has Y/N ever asked you to be the things you just said? Never. You know how badly she wants to get away from all the jerks around her, away from all the pressures that she deals with? Listen, all I’m saying is that Y/N cares for you, a lot, and I think you care for her too. So, next time you see her, will you promise me that you’ll tell her?”

“Yeah, sure, but when am I even going to see her again?”

-💘-

Eddie rubbed his hands together as he hopped out of his van. It was Thanksgiving, and he promised Wayne that he’d pick up some extra rolls on his way back from work. As he entered the trailer, the smell of dinner filled his nose, and he looked at the modest spread on the table. He smiled, proud of his uncle’s hard work. He filled the empty basket with the rolls, then went to the back to look for Wayne. 

Wayne was sitting by the fire pit behind the trailer, talking with you. Eddie’s breath hitched as he saw you, laughing and almost spilling your hot chocolate. Eddie walked forward slowly, as if the scene in front of him wasn’t real. Wayne noticed him first, and you both rose to greet him.

“Hey there, my boy,” Wayne said, embracing Eddie. 

“Hey, Wayne, I got the rolls,” Eddie said slowly, staring at you. Wayne took notice and chuckled.

“No, you’re not seeing things, she’s really here,” Wayne said, patting Eddie on the back. “Her pre-law seminar got canceled, so she’s here. Good thing, too, why would a writer like Y/N need to go to a law seminar? Makes no sense.”

“Canceled, huh?” Eddie said, smirking.

“Nothing I can do about it,” you shrugged and smiled, “but it’s a secret between the three of us.”

Eddie chuckled and nodded, then looked at you, blushing.

“Well, are you gonna hug her or kiss her or something, son?” Wayne chuckled. 

“Right, sorry,” Eddie said, then hugged you tightly, kissing your cheek. “I just can’t believe you’re here.”

“You of all people should’ve known,” you smiled. “Come on, let’s go get you some hot cocoa, your nose is all cold and red.”

The three of you walked inside and took off your coats. Eddie washed up as Wayne made the final table arrangements, and you poured Eddie a mug of cocoa. As he came out, you handed it to him, and he sipped it quietly, looking at you.

“Do you need to poke me? I’m real, you know,” you blushed as he continued to stare.

“I know, I’m just happy to see you,” he smiled. “How long will you be here?”

“Well, it depends what I’m going to tell my parents, but I have a couple days.”

“That’s more than last time, so I’m grateful.”

“Me too, it sucked that I had to leave so quickly last time,” you said, then hugged Eddie. “Now we can take our time, hopefully.”

“Agreed.”

“Alright, you two, let’s sit down and eat,” Wayne smiled. You two sat down, and everyone joined hands as Wayne said the blessing. As you all began to pass around the dishes, your plates were soon filled, and your normal conversations took place, resulting in laughter and remembering great memories. 

“Can we share what we’re thankful for like we always used to do?” you asked hopefully.

“Of course we can,” Wayne replied. “Why don’t you start?”

“Okay, well I’m thankful that the seminar was canceled, or more so that I finally got the guts to do what I want and just ditch it,” you said, making everyone laugh, “and I’m grateful that I can spend my Thanksgiving with you all. Wayne, I’m thankful for you and how you’ve always taken me in as your own with no hesitation, and that you love us so honestly.”

“You know you’re family to me, sweetheart,” Wayne said, squeezing your hand.

“And Eddie, I’m thankful for you and how you’ve stuck by me since we were five. I’m thankful that you always give me the boldness to be myself, and I’m thankful that you always support me, and that you know me well enough that you stop me when I’m putting others’ needs before my own when I shouldn’t, even when they’re your own. I’m thankful for your selflessness, and for your unconditional love that could weather anything, even the biggest of changes,” you said, breathing shakily. Eddie leaned over and kissed your forehead gently.

“I’m thankful for you too, Y/N/N. I’m thankful that you have always been by my side, even when I don’t deserve it or everyone else is against me. I’m thankful that you always laugh at my jokes and cry with me when I’m sad. I’m thankful every time you come home, and I’m thankful for all the memories I have with you when it seemed like we were never apart. I’m thankful for your beauty, inside and out, and for making me see the good things in life when everyone and everything seems to be so harsh and cruel. I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too,” you said softly, reaching for his hand.

“I think you two’ve got it covered,” Wayne smiled. “Just hearing that makes me more thankful than listing every good thing that’s ever happened to me. Mostly because you two kids were the reason for most of it.”

-💘-

After dinner, everyone helped clean up and get everything situated. Wayne opened a beer and sat down on the couch, watching you and Eddie dry the last dishes. He smiled to himself, then stepped outside for a moment. When he came back in, he smiled at you both knowingly.

“I stoked the fire a bit in case you two wanted to go out there and talk,” he said.

“Thanks, Wayne, we’ll take you up on that offer,” you replied pleasantly, and handed Eddie the last dish. You went to the rack to find your coat, but it wasn’t there.

“Oh, sorry about that, kiddo. There’s been a leak by the coat rack, and it dripped on your coats. I’m sure I’ve got a blanket somewhere,” Wayne said, rising and grabbing a wool blanket. “Should be big enough for you both,” he winked.

“Thanks, Wayne,” you smirked, blushing. Wayne sure did know his kids. “Eddie, I’ll be outside.”

You wrapped the blanket around you, then walked out, sitting on the bench. Eddie came out a moment later, and you opened one side of the blanket for him to sit under. He sat next to you, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders, then brought you closer so your head was resting on his shoulder.

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“You know how you said our friendship could endure any change?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, I was thinking that we need a change.”

You looked up at him quizzically, your heart beating faster.

“What kind of change?”

“Well, I mean, I-I don’t really know how to say it,” Eddie stumbled.

“Is it a good change?” you asked.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s a good change, a really good change.”

“I had a really good change in mind, too,” you said quietly, looking into his eyes, “but I don’t really know how to say it either.”

“I think I know now,” Eddie said slowly, then cupped your cheek with his hand. He leaned in and almost reached your lips, hesitated, then kissed your lips softly. As you both pulled away, you two were smiling widely, and you giggled.

“I liked the way you phrased that,” you said, trying to hide your blush.

“Was that the change you had in mind?” Eddie asked bashfully.

“Yeah, it was,” you replied. “So, what does this mean? Do you-do you want to make this change permanent?”

Eddie smiled, then kissed you again, just as gently. He pressed his forehead to yours. 

“As you wish.”

❤️✨

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[watchinglikeafangirl]

Akk and Ayan live in their own heads basically

Throughout this 8th episode, we see these two caught up in their own thoughts, they go all lengths to protect those and let it rule over them.

Ayan is still trying to teach that school a lesson and is not letting go of the idea he could have stopped Dika in any way. We learn, Dika suffered from depression and tried to kill himself not only once. So by blaming Suppalo entirely, Ayan ignores Dika didn't kill himself because of the school. Teacher Chadok - or whoever else - might have been a trigger but Dika was probably already so lost in his depression he saw no other way no matter if the school pressured him or not (I'm sorry if this is not correct. I admit, I don't know anything about mental health diseases). By blaming the school, Ayan projects his own guilt onto something untouchable because it doesn't exist. He hates the system but in reality it's just an excuse of him not being able to let go. He fears losing Dika's memory but he won't, he will see that.

Akk's way of thinking is twisted and in itself inconsistant, I find it hard to understand him. At times, he opens up but then he seeks fighting again and he and Ayan are back to the way they were three episodes ago...all to protect the school which is an ideal he will never be able to reach. He pressures himself so much and thinks being loyal to the school is in contraire to a love life. It doesn't make sense to me but to him it does and it's so real for him, he closes himself off to everyone because deep down he's very sad about the consequences of his actions. But he is just like Ayan, he can't let go. It goes against what he believes even though nothing will happen if he lets his guard down for once.

Honesty is the most important noun to describe this show because the characters never lie. They are true to themselves and with each other. Especially Ayan is the personification of honesty. He addresses issues and matters directly but still manages to ensure everybody of his care for them. He listens, he cares, he saw when Thua wasn't feeling good mentally, he ensured Kan Thua is not the one he likes. He endured everything Akk did, endured the way Akk ignores matters that go against his priciples but he has enough of that since their nearly kiss.

"Why didn't you let me do it?" "Nothing happened there." "I think something happened, Akk."

He states his point very clearly. He wanted to kiss Akk but respects his choice of backing away. The difference is though, he is not accepting the action alone, he wants an explaination. If Akk is rejecting him or felt something as well. Ayan approaches him, touches Akk to reach him but Akk is in his spiraling mind and rejects the try. He is confused for sure. Admiting to Ayan would mean Akk would have to come clean about so many other things like him being the Suppalo curse. There's more coming along that promise than he is willing to give or bear. The thing is though, Ayan understands that. He knows Akk feels a burden and supports him by finding his answer.

"Are you going to deny everything? You have the right to follow your heart."

Using his parents - who are not anywhere close - as an excuse shows exactly, Akk is not shy he just wants to escape. I don't believe Akk didn't know he likes guys before. He never seems to have an identity crisis or inner conflict about that. He just doesn't want other people to judge him which differs him from Ayan a lot because Ayan doesn't care. Akk has a much harder time to shut his brain down whilst Ayan's brain only works overtime at night when he is uncontrolled. It's a big difference when it comes to how they spend their day and how they socialize. Akk worries too much about the world which keeps him from moving along with it. He always feels kind of left behind. By becoming the school's prefect, he finally caught up but Ayan reminds him, he in fact did not and that is something his ego doesn't take too well.

"You keep saying you're afraid people will see. What if they do? Can't two male friends spend time together?" "I don't know. But I'm not okay with it."

Again, Ayan is trying to reach Akk by just talking. But all that comes out are accusations that are true but keep on push the barrier between them. Ayan is frustrated and Akk annoyed with him, so the conversation goes nowhere until Ayan tries a different way and just hugs Akk without warning. Akk panics instantly because he likes it but I wouldn't call it gay panic, it's more the fear of admitting he fell for someone - and he fell hard.

"Step away or I will punch you!" "Look into my eyes, Akk. Do it." "I won't do it."

There we have it. Akk is powerless and it's scary. He doesn't know what Ayan thinks about him in this moment because he is provocing him but at the same time, Ayan makes Akk feel extremely unarmed.

"Now tell me how you feel. I will tell you my feelings and you will tell me yours."

At this point, I was melting. Ayan tries to meet Akk halfway. He knows Akk won't say the truth on his own initiative, so he takes the first step and admits he likes Akk a lot in the hopes of getting a confession in return - which he doesn't get any time soon and just pines for a few days.

By locking eyes, which are the gate to the soul, Akk is powerless. He doesn't deny like he did at the beach. The denial is long gone. But he doesn't confess either because his head won't allow him to have that. Nevertheless, he lets himself feel this moment of not thinking too much and sticks to not saying anything at all. He is close to tearing up because Ayan doesn't leave no matter how hard of a challenge Akk might be. He doesn't give Ayan what he wants, yet Ayan still stays, he still chases him, he keeps following him. This kind of unasked and unanswered affection touches Akk in places he doesn't know, so he can't word it. He is not used to it BUT AYAN KNOWS THAT AND IS WILLING TO WAIT. I can't with this man.

Like I said before, they have to oversome themselves first which is why we don't get a real first kiss in the sense of starting their dating era because they can't take care of themselves. If you can't grow on your own, you probably won't grow into the relationship. The show takes its time with the characters and doesn't rush things without creating painful slow burn. It's really interesting.

[yannahhh]

Overcoming Reality: What Life is Really About

By Juliana Edrae S. Sijera

Experience. Every human being must obtain experience in order to gain particular wisdom when it comes to overcoming reality and becoming successful. It's also said that experience is the best teacher since it teaches you how to cope with failure as well as success in a variety of circumstances. Ultimately, it teaches us to be resilient in the face of hardship while remaining humble in the face of triumph.

As children, our parents have been the ones who have looked after us since birth, and from the moment we are born, they have desired and will continue to desire to shield us from the cruelty of the world. Protecting us, on the other hand, will not help us when we have to confront the world, the reality that is right in front of us. The fact that we are shielded from reality for an extended period of time inhibits us from understanding what reality is really like. As soon as we step outside of the protective bubble which they have built in order to keep us safe, we are left feeling weak and vulnerable to face the world. We must always keep in mind that in order for someone to be successful, we must first and foremost confront the facts of life. We must experience everything. From overcoming obstacles, from failing, feeling stressed, disappointed, and being under pressure.

When you have a burning passion to do anything, no initial move is too small or too large. The willingness to take risks and learn from them will make a major difference in your potential to achieve success in your life. It is awful to know that there are times that the people who we expect to believe and support us might turn their backs on us or discourage us from continuing what we had started. Our mindset must be congruent with the outcomes that we want to achieve. No matter how much support we receive from others, we must remain determined. In order to achieve success, it is essential that we recognize our achievements and remember that you are responsible for your actions and decisions and that no one has the right to discourage you. It is entirely up to you to decide who you want to be as a person; this is your life to live.

Keep in mind that your loved ones may have turned their backs on you when you needed them the most, but you should never turn your back on yourself because you are the only one who understands how hard you have worked, how much you have sacrificed, and how you have to endure the stress, pressure, and disappointment when things do not turn out the way you expect them to.

Leaving our comfort zone requires Bravery and Determination. However, stepping outside of your comfort zone can show you not just who you really are but also what you are capable of. I've found myself in a position where I had to step outside of my comfort zone. Going to college away from home is overwhelming, however I realize that preparing for the future is very important. At first, it wasn't easy, but I have to accept and face reality. The reality that most college students like me must deal with.