#payday cannot come soon enough

[bigfootsboytoy]

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[macgyvermedical]

Money is absolutely no object. I would not notice a $400 emergency. 

I don’t think about money. I pay for whatever I need or want without thinking about the price. I don’t notice when my paycheck arrives unless my bank app notifies me. Most of my debt is either paid off or "strategic". A $400 emergency would not impact my day-to-day life or even my savings very much.

I don’t think about money much. In fact, I barely notice when my paycheck comes in. I have extra money left over after I spend all I need and want to every month, which makes adding to my savings every month pretty easy. I generally don’t worry about occasional $400 emergencies, because I know I can pay for them out of my savings or even out of my bank account depending on where they fall in my pay cycle. 

I think about money rarely. I notice that my money runs low near payday. I can plan ahead and take money out of my paycheck first to build a savings account, but the money gets eaten up if I do not do this. I am pretty careful about what I buy. Even so, I am comfortable and can weather the occasional $400 emergency without falling behind.  

I think about money some. I live paycheck to paycheck and it is hard to save money even when I try. I frequently buy the cheapest version of something and check my bank account before spending any money. An occasional $400 emergency puts me behind for a month or two but I can easily recover. —--------POVERTY LINE—-------------

I think about money every day. I live paycheck to paycheck, have no savings, and have little or no money the day before payday. Occasionally I fall behind on utilities or recurring payments but I generally have enough for my rent or mortgage. A $400 emergency would put me behind for several months and would be difficult to fully recover from. 

I think about money every day. I live paycheck to paycheck, have no savings, and go broke multiple days before payday. Frequently, I am behind on one or more payments, but I can usually swing paying for what would otherwise be turned off. My rent or mortgage is usually something I have to plan carefully and sometimes give up other necessities for, but I have never been in danger of eviction. A $400 emergency would take 6 months or more to recover from, and in that time I may have several utilities shut off temporarily. Fortunately I would probably not go hungry during this time if I prioritize. 

I think about money constantly. I live paycheck to paycheck, but it feels like the money is gone as soon as I get it. I spend more than a week between paychecks with no money at all. I am frequently in danger of having utilities shut off, have had them shut off temporarily in the past, and am frequently late on my rent or mortgage to the point where I have been threatened with eviction/foreclosure multiple times. Several days or more per month I worry about not having enough to eat. A $400 emergency would cause me to become homeless. 

I am living in a vehicle, with a friend, or living in a tent with a nearby storage locker. I have some cash income, which goes to maintaining this and other necessities like food. I can generally get by and have some material resources, but I am not comfortable. I could never hope to recover from a $400 emergency. 

I am alternating between being completely unhoused and living in a shelter. I cannot store belongings or food and have little or no cash income. I rely on free and charity food for nutrition.

[rxj-the-punk]

I'm only so far into the Unicorn Overlord demo--I just recruited Mordon--and I desperately need the full game. It's pretty as hecc the dialogue is great and I actually got to rub my 3 braincells together in a way that doesn't give me a headache. Payday cannot come soon enough.

[toastsnaffler]

my payday CANNOT come soon enough im having to fork over so much money this month and we're only 11 days in.... killlll me

[dokyeomini]

payday cannot come soon enough 😭

[imlearningtudraw]

My phone screen broke so I had to get a new phone. I had to use all of my pay check to buy my phone but at least I have a phone again! September payday cannot come soon enough

[theintrovertsarchetype]

The life, My life

As what I have already mentioned in my previous post, I always daydream about the life I want or even the things I want or places I want to go. 

I want to visit Korea, have fun, eat what ever I want, stay for as long as I could, without worrying about money or anything else. However, it takes a lot of work to be able to achieve that. Well, it only takes a lot of money. And having a lot of money to spend is not easy for me to have. It’s rather a long journey than a hard journey because I receive fixed amount of salary so I just need to wait for paydays to save money and reach the goal. It often makes me impatient and frustrated because I know there are other things that I can do to earn more money to cut short the saving time but I cannot do it. I do not have the energy or motivation to go Hard just for the sake of money. This leads me to think of the opportunities I have let go because I prioritize my wants and passion. Here is a recap and also a reminder for me that I always choose what best for me so I should stop regretting. 

The learning opportunity for me in AWB, they saw potential in me and is willing to train me however because of the work environment I decided to leave. Also, they are not willing to increase my salary so I was not sure if the training and extra work would be worth it. Lastly, I did not see myself working for long in HR because I thought I could study Masters as soon as possible. 

The connections opportunity working in AIM. I had great, professional, and smart colleagues and mentors in AIM however because of how stressful the workload is, I decided to leave. I did not see the need to sacrifice my mental health just for the chance of me working with great people and having possible connections. The uncertainty is not worth for day to day stress. It also felt unfair to be paid less than my colleague just because I was a contractor. It seemed that I am not special enough for them to poached me from JC Clements. Nah, I cannot work and cannot receive the whole compensation package. Unfair and Not worth it. 

Aboitiz. I felt like I am not ready for the position that they were offering me. I also considered the benefits because I cannot work just for myself, I need to take care of my parents as well. It may feel good to earn 40,000 a month and it will surely boost my worth in the corporate world however it felt that it was not the right time for me. 

Fujitsu promised to increase my salary effective April however it is taking longer than what was discussed. I just hope that I will receive it this coming cut off and still be able to receive the shortage I received last cut off. But would I be happy by then? 

Right now, I know what I want to become and what I want to do for a living. I want to advocate for Mental Health. I want to be a professional in the Mental Health community. I feel like that is the right environment for me. I am just afraid that after I will reach this dream, I will just be considering the money after all. It wont be easy to transfer to a new field. I am slowly building my career in HR and if I switched to MH field, I may start earning from the start as well. Scary but would it be worth it? I am not sure yet, I have to find out. 

[the-firebird69]

It's only 4 is left and then it's the first and PayDay and there's a lot of people coming on it these people try to drop them every month, including our son so they're going to come in here and we're going to wage war on these people in DC thinking no longer be trusted and they won't be and we're going to hit them until we don't hear it anymore.

Right now John read my lord i's being annoying. We need to get him out of there. Sicario begins shortly. We wanted to hv them experience with their threatening and see what they're threatening our sun with whilel they were on thier escaped in Mexico.

It's quite interesting remarks image they say now it's happening to us and what did we do wrong this is insanity who's bothering us with the past what do we owe you all sorts of things and a senses you owe me money when they said which we owe you and this is your way off is it surprising and it said we can't stand you can't stand you and I can get rid of you start yelling it we can get rid of you going to be gone first then you can't get rid of me s*** in I really does that somebody else of course I think that way I'm saying it out loud all day long just sitting on me like big fat f**** hens and pop your cherries. So they start running around circles all the driving around and shoot each other and it was while you hear a pop. It was a while they say we're finally going and stuff like that once we heard Daniel yell we can't afford this at all, and her son's character and daughter had him yell back you better believe you can't and then Trump says you know what I mean I said yeah you're probably going to die and we're going to make you die and they shot him up from off screen. It's time for people to leave. And that ship is an angle and the tail ends goes close to calico below the ground and that's what they're after they don't know whos ship it is. They didn't know it was there we took the New Mexico but George was having him go there. And he's our son and our daughter is going there for a reason and she was there for a reason. There's a whole bunch of people going down there to Tijuana to smoke marijuana no to buy it it's like really illegal to smoke it or to have it on you it's a massive contradiction. We found out why nobody's supposed to do drugs for the most part cuz they're using them elsewhere and they want to use one of our people daniel too and Ernesto. They were is stopped the whole time lots has stopped them and they stopped being friends with our son completely blamed him and became blasphemes massive blasphemes.

Right now Donald Trump is lost 20 areas that are large and that includes the city area approaching the outskirts is the suburbs and beyond. They're still trying to recoup them. They have about 300 octillion troops going after each area and that's every few hours. And that is a lot. After the 10 areas they have 150 octillion every couple hours that's very expensive and after the stash and cash sites across town probably about a hundred octillion an hour. In the Parks which are pretty much empty now they are sending 300 octane an hour down to the tunnels. That's a lot. And our son asks where are these clothes coming from that he's sending to retake cities the city areas and we say they're coming from beyond suburbia which is true and hours evacuated to locations whether you did not have that and their instructed to and they're doing it now a very large evacuation.

OURS ARE SO ORDERED TO EVACUATE AT THIS TIME IT IS AN EMERGENCY YOU MUST LEAVE THESE PEOPLE THEY AREN'T WAR THEY'RE USING HEAVY WEAPONS AND WE CANNOT STOP AT ALL YOU ARE TO PROCEED WHERE YOUR CO HAS INSTRUCTED AT THIS TIME IF YOU DO NOT LEAVE WE CANNOT GUARANTEE YOUR SAFETY ENOUGH SUPPLIES FOR SEVERAL DAYS WITH THE THOUGHT YOU MAY RETURN WHICH IS FINE BUT DO NOT RETURN YOU'LL FIND THAT WE'RE THERE TO HELP YOU WHERE YOU'RE HEADING TOWARDS SO PLEASE GO WITH GODSPEED AND TAKE CARE AND WE HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON

Thor Freya

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Olympus

Hera Zeus

[secrettunnelyeah]

when ur legs dont work like they used to before😔

[thessalian]

Thess vs Buyer’s Remorse

In the Discord channel that hosts my mad little D&D group (well, not so little; I have a lot of players), the topic of buyer’s remorse came up. Gods, I know that feel all too well. Even when it’s useful. Even if it sparks joy and everyone needs a bit of joy now and then. Even when you’ve earmarked that money specifically for something nice. Always there’s the frisson of remorse and fear about spending money lately.

I have made purchases lately. These are more investments than anything else. See, I planted the remnants of my spring onions about two weeks ago and I let them root and planted them, as per my no-waste kitchen gardening book. They’re doing wonderfully, as it happens, so I’m emboldened to try the potatoes I have that are currently sprouting. Also some other vegetable seeds, some garlic to plant, and some pots and soil. This is all going to be an investment because I am growing my own food, and it’ll earn itself back again when I’m happily lowering my grocery bill with home-grown stuff. Literally, since it’s all windowsill and maybe balcony soon. Potatoes in particular will be a triumph, since I am gluten-intolerant and my starch intake relies a lot on potatoes. Thus, grow-bags, since my pots are not big enough to support proper potatoes and it’s easier to harvest in a grow-bag than in a pot anyway. As to the garlic ... well. GARLIC. It goes in everything. Growing it myself sounds ideal. And saving a few cloves from the ones I grew from seedling to grow more garlic is ideal (especially since the last garlic I bought is stubbornly refusing to sprout on its own).

Thing is, even though I know this is going to be really helpful and save me money in the long run, and it’s actually been doing my mental health some good to have plants to tend to ... I still feel bad about the expenditure. It’s stupid. I’m going to feel bad about the tomato and cucumber plants I have plans to buy next payday (since that’d be easier on me than trying to grow them from seeds). And I shouldn’t. I should envisage salad with my own home-grown ingredients over the summer - the lettuce I planted a couple of months back (doing great), the spinach I planted about the same time (needs repotting), and baby cucumbers and cherry tomatoes of the sort that can thrive in indirect light. But it’s spending money, at a time when money is a scarce thing.

I hate it, did I mention? I mean, I budgeted for this, but my brain still says, “You are spending money FEEL BAD NOW”. It does the same thing about the curry I just ordered even though I have a very specific “I cannot bring myself to cook so takeaway must happen” fund. (Although honestly, since the tracker map puts the guy who’s supposed to be picking up my order still sitting in Peckham and not moving to pick up my order for, like, the last twenty-odd minutes, I’m feeling a very different type of remorse of the “If I’d dragged up the energy to cook I’d have eaten half an hour ago” variety, so blegh.)

Anyway. Money. There is too little of it but there is a reminder that we all need something for our mental health, not just the basics of survival. I won’t tell you what to feel, but when buyer’s remorse comes for you, just remember that I think you’ve earned a treat. (I wish I more convincingly thought that I’ve earned a treat, but it’s a work in progress.)

Oh, side note: as well as the onions, the lettuce, and the spinach, my coriander is hanging on for dear life after the cold snap we had last week, the parsley needs repotting but is doing fine, my dill has sprouted wonderfully, my mint is going like a godsdamned chia pet, my basil ... might get bigger if I repot it but it’s losing baby leaves, one of my lemon balm seeds has started sprouting, and I’m seeing life in the alpine strawberries. I’m actually doing well!

[handypayday]

Same Day Payday Loans with Speedy Funding Up To $5000 No Credit Check!

Debt is the only hope when things are not going in your favor and you need immediate financial help. In fact, you have tried many places to apply for the loan, but your low credit comes in the middle of depriving you of availing it. It is not possible to have good credit with you all the time because you cannot win by fighting against situations. So about 16% of Americans have low credit, which doesn't mean they can't apply.

They can still apply for the $200 dollar loan with instant approval. Now it matters which loan they are applying for. Since there are so many loans available in the market, many traditional lenders charge exorbitant fees from them. But there are one-day loans available for you that are hassle-free and you should take care of. These loans can solve your existing financial problems, which have thrown you completely into disarray when you are not left with any extra cash.

You can get a loan today after applying, but you should also remember that you will have to pay a little extra while repaying the loan. Because these loans come with high-interest charges to give you same-day financial relief. You can experience something different after applying for such loans without any hassles. Your bad credit is acceptable under any circumstances; you are applying for a loan. Until You Know Everything About Same Day Loans, You Should Keep Your Eyes On.

What are same day loans?

Same day loans come in the form of instant approval loans with easy application and quick approval. You don't need to wait for days by going online instead of traditional lenders to apply. Especially when you are in a hurry. Sometimes, these types of loans are also known as emergency loans. Can now be obtained online without waiting unlike traditional places.

You can also apply for the same loans without a credit check which is very common in banks. You can apply for that amount at the initial stage. Which starts from $200 to $5000 to level your expenses. There are 4 types of loans in a single day. who come as borrowers. You too watch and learn.

Types of same day loans:

Installment loans: An installment loan is one of those loans which you can apply for and not pay right now which means you get enough time to repay the loan. You have to pay off the loan with a specific amount in a specified period.

Short term loans: Short term loans are one of those loans which you have to repay in less than 1 year with consistent repayment. You can get a variety of equal-day payday loans that are available online. You can get them quickly and you have to pay them off as soon as possible.

Personal loans: A personal loan is one of those funds that you apply for by visiting banks, lenders, credit unions. You may get a small amount as well as a large amount of money to come out of the financial crisis. These types of loans are generally known as collateralized loans, where you are required to produce something valuable.

Payday loans: You apply these payday loans to meet your needs and pay back whenever you get your next salary. But if you stop making payments in the middle, the interest starts increasing; you will have to pay next time.

How can I receive the funds on same day?

Since there are many types of same day payment loans to apply for and you can get approval very quickly. With the help of online you can apply for a 24x7 same-day loan online. No matter where you are. On the other hand, there are traditional lenders to assist you with the loan as well. But it may be difficult for you to deposit money instantly under their terms and conditions. Including the boring process of facing paperwork activities. But applying online gives you the fastest way to get the amount you need to borrow.

By filling a very simple application form you can get the job done. Once your application is done, you are approved. You get to know about it in no time with the information. You glance at the gadget's screen and you are applying for a loan. Afterwards, the funds are transferred directly to your checking account. In which it takes only 15 to 20 minutes to transfer funds.

What is minimum credit score required for the approval?

There is good news for you. You can get loan approval even if you have low credit or no credit when the source to apply is online. There are many online lenders who don't care about this. How good is your FICO Score Vs Credit Score? They can give you loan approval after you approach them for financial assistance with your bad credit. Lenders may also consider many other things like your income and job. Because they want to ensure that you repay the loan on time through the source of income available to you. If your credit rating is between 300 and 669 then you need to make efforts to increase your credit rating. Through this stage. You can extend your credit up to 670 to avail financial assistance without any hassle.

Is it possible getting loans without income?

Lenders will want to know how you will repay your loan because why would they have to bear the loss for you when they are doing their business. Yes, there is a myth in the minds of many borrowers that they should have a regular job or some other source that gives them money. But this is not really true as there are some other conditions of income as well. Based on them you can apply for the loan so that you can repay the loan on time, you must know immediately under what conditions you can apply for the no checking account payday loans online on the same day.

Here are fewer conditions when you can apply loans:

You can apply for a loan when you are getting any kind of government benefit.

If you are physically disabled and receiving disability benefits.

If you already have retirement income you may consider applying.

You can also apply based on Social Security income.

You can apply for loan on behalf of rental property income

Why am I disapproved for the loans?

There are many factors when your loan application is rejected to provide you with financial assistance. There are many borrowers who often face this as they are not able to meet the required requirements of the lender. You should know that in reality, you are making a mistake that is not going to help you in your loan approval. What types of factors are responsible for loan rejection? After knowing them, it is very important to avoid them at any cost. It's time to get to know them for your awareness so that you can distance yourself from them whenever you need to apply for a loan.

A few preventive factors to your loan approval:  

Money shortage for loan repayment: When you are able to make your loan payment due to the non-availability of sufficient funds.

Pending debts: Sometimes, when you have unpaid loans to pay off that can be one of the barriers to getting loan approval.

Bad record due to late paying: Your credit history is showing your current status, you make late payments.

Bankruptcy is one of the reasons: While making loan payments, you suddenly stopped making payments that made you go bankrupt.

Your lower credit: Your bad credit score plays a very important role in preventing you from availing of financial facilities like loans.

FAQs

How can I get financial aid online?

You have to go online, first select the amount you need, fill the application and then submit your application. The amount you'll be able to see in your checking account within minutes.

Which loan is easier to apply for?

You can go for a secured loan that does not create any hassle for you which means there is no need to keep anything valuable in front of the lender.

How can I get a loan through my ASAP?

If you use credit cards you may find yourself able to apply for loans using them. In addition, you may consider contacting banks and credit unions. that's not enough. You can find peer-to-peer lenders as well as payday lenders for loans..

[cousinwingding97]

Silver Memories

Chapter Two: The Chase

Words: over 5k

No warnings. I swear there will be more Mando and the reader. Just wait! Next chapter for sure. I cut this one off at a cliffhanger, but it was getting to be sooo long. Also, very hard to write an amnesiac character so hopefully it’s working. Enjoy!

Sleep must have overtaken you because you found yourself jostled awake by a woman shaking your shoulder. “Excuse me, miss. Stowaways aren’t allowed free travel. Come on, wake up.”

You groaned with the sudden waking and then jumped when you realized you had been caught. The woman who had found you didn’t look angry, just frustrated more than anything. Her dark, curly hair was pulled up and she had a bit of grease on her coveralls.

“Don’t groan at me. You haven’t even started working. I have, and I could use an extra set of hands with my workload. Now, come on,” she holds her hand out to me, “let’s go and get started.”

She doesn’t seem mean. Just rushed. You hesitantly grab her hand as she pulls you up. You don’t have a chance to ask questions or explain. The woman starts walking towards where you assume is her workstation. She more than makes up for your lack of words.

“Next time, don’t hide in the cargo area after moving a crate. Especially if it is one of the only crates left. Most people pay attention. Try the engine room next time. Unless it’s a military ship, most people aren’t around their engines unless something’s wrong. I don’t know if you’re hiding out here or just trying to catch a ride. Pollis Massa is typically a safe haven, so I don’t know why you decided to leave. Why did you? What’s your name?”

You were trying to keep track of all she had said. There was a lot to process and download into your brain. The question about your name didn’t help. You should’ve known the answer to that question at least.

“I... uh don’t know. I woke up there and there were people I didn’t recognize that seemed violent, so I left. I don’t know anything past the fact that I just want to be somewhere else.”

“A woman who wants to make her own way and isn’t afraid of how she gets there. I like it. My name’s Marri. I’m the chief mechanic on the Serpent. You know anything about mechanics?”

“Uh, no.” This woman surprised you. You were glad she wasn’t interrogating you. She seemed more about getting business done rather than getting you in trouble. You couldn’t even answer any of her questions anyway.

Marri just grunts, “Eh, you can hold the tools. Can you do what you’re told?”

“Yeah, I don’t see why not.”

“Good. Let’s get to it.”

“But, what about the stowaway business?” You asked hesitantly. All of this seemed too good to be true. How were you not going to get in trouble?

“Listen, honey, we have work to do on this ship. Lots of it. The captain ain’t too much of a stickler. She just wants to get the job done and done well. If you can help and work your way through this trip to Utapau then you aren’t just a freeloader.” This woman surprised you. You were glad she wasn’t interrogating you. She seemed more about getting business done rather than getting you in trouble, but you were still surprised she would just let it go that easily, especially to a stowaway.

While you tried to help Marri, you didn’t feel like you were contributing much, but Marri didn’t say otherwise. You got the sense that she was too into her own work and would only talk if there wasn’t anything else to do. You didn’t mind. Your mind was loud, but the work was constant enough to keep you focused on something else besides all the unanswered questions.

When Marri decided things were done, she took you up to the main area that looked like it was for the crew to relax. Some of the crew were already in there and you grew nervous. Marri may not care and supposedly not the captain, but what about the others?

“Everyone, this is Stowaway. Stowaway, meet everyone,” Marri announced.

You stood there unwillingly in a spotlight while eyes stared at you. None stayed on you for too long. Some just halfheartedly grunted a response and others straight up said nothing. Okay, I don’t know if I should be offended or relieved.

Marri didn’t seem surprised by the response either. “You wouldn’t be the first. Like I said, Polis Massa is sort of a sanctuary and people look for passage to a new life from there more often than not. We’ve learned to deal with it and consider it a job hazard.”

“Oh.” That’s what you were wanting to do, right? Find a new one or your old one? “Honestly, I don’t know what I’m looking for besides safety.”

Marri gave you a tight smile and went to the line for food. You followed, not wanting to be too far away from her. She may be right with the others not caring about you being a stowaway, but you didn’t want to push your luck either. Dinner was spent in silence as you thought over what Marri had asked you about what you wanted from this newfound chance of a new beginning.

You didn’t know how long you had been on the ship exactly when you woke to the sound of Marri waking you for the second time. The two of you had went to her barracks and she had given you extra blankets to sleep on the floor of the ship. It wasn’t completely uncomfortable and you had fallen sound asleep not long after you laid your head down. Now, she was urgently waking you.

“The captain wants to speak to you about an important matter.”

Trepidation filled your veins at her words. Maybe the captain wasn’t as easygoing as you had been led to believe. Maybe someone had complained about you.

You wanted to stay hidden in the barracks, but you knew that wouldn’t be an option. There were too many on the ship and you were just one person. You hated feeling helpless, but you knew you had to follow. Maybe I can explain the situation and talk my way out of being thrown into the vacuum of space.

The longer you walked, the harder your heart pounded against your ribcage. Marri looked over at you and tried to smile encouragingly. The act was appreciated, yet your heart continued its pounding. What are they going to do to me?

Automatic doors parted with a hiss and revealed the bridge. A half circle of a viewport showing a blue tunnel of with lights blazing past in flashes. It looked like you were traveling lightspeed, the word and concept coming into your mind as soon as you saw it.

The crew was stationed at various terminals around the bridge and on a lower level. One woman was standing above it all and overlooking the bridge. She had buzzed hair and a severe look rounded on you as you came into view. Marri saluted her and the captain returned the gesture. Marri turned to you, “This is Captain Roxy.”

You tried to smile and begin explain, but the captain cut you off, “Marri told me of you. Believe me girl, I have no problem with you on the Serpent. Especially since you are willing to work. Unfortunately, something has come up that I can’t ignore.” You didn’t know what she was talking about and your eyebrow raised in confusion. The captain read the expression on your face and offered up, “Let me just show you.”

She turned to one of the many terminals and the man sitting in front of the flashing buttons let his hands fly across the individual pieces in what looked like a rehearsed dance.

In front of the captain was what looked like an ordinary table, but once the man’s hands stilled, the table lit up with a blue see-through image. Your heart sank at the image. It was the man that Cara had been talking to, Mando. His helmet seemed to stare through you. The whole bridge was silent with what you assumed was the same fear you felt. You knew you weren’t the only one who had reason to be afraid. The image, or hologram your inner voice supplied, was image was terrifying just by itself.

The filtered voice began with something you could only described as restrained violence, “I believe you all have someone of importance to me. She is under my protection and care. I have tracked her to your ship and I will be tracking you to your destination once you land, rest assured of that. If she is not there, safe and unharmed, everyone on the Serpent is dead. Don’t think you can hide and don’t try running. You know what I am. It will make it worse for you once I find you.” The hologram cuts out and you feel a bead of sweat travel down your back. You feel all eyes on you, but you can’t tear your eyes from where the helmet had just been. The black visor was burned into your eyes.

Captain Roxy finally speaks up, “This transmission just came in not too long ago. We have already responded to it with the promise of your safe return. If I had known you were a part of the Mandolorian’s clan, I would have turned around as soon as Marri found you. I cannot risk the life of my crew for a fugitive from a bounty hunter or whatever you are.”

You finally turned to face her. You were wanted by a bounty hunter? That must have been why they wanted you. You were worth money and the rest of the group had wanted to receive whatever reward someone had placed for you. The word “Mandolorian” didn’t ring any bells either, but you assumed that was what Mando was short for. You doubted it was because you were a part of his clan, but more of a wanted bounty. For what, you had no idea.

The implications of what you had done fully hit you like a starship to the gut. I ran. I ran from some dangerous people and worse, they can find me easily. They aren’t going to take too kindly to their payday running away. What is going to happen to me when they find me? Will he just kill me to make it easier to bring in?

Before you could plead your case, the captain spoke, “My mind is decided. We will wait at Utapau for the Mandolorian to pick you up in order to make sure he sees we kept you safe.” Her voice softened as she spoke the next words, “For the sake of my crew, please let him know that we did not know we had you on board.” She turns away from you and Marri is pulling you along away from the bridge.

Finally, your words come back to you. “Marri, please. I can’t go back to them. I don’t even know what I have done to have a bounty. I don’t want anyone hurt, but I can’t stay here. I don’t even know who I am, let alone what I’ve done. This has to be a mistake!”

Marri doesn’t look at you. There is a guilty look in her eyes and you can tell your words are getting to her. “Please, help me. Don’t let him take me.”

“Look, I understand. You seem like a nice girl. I don’t want to do it either and honestly; I don’t think the captain even wants to give you up. Not many people like dealing with bounty hunters. That kind has a reputation. But Mandolorians are a proud and violent race. They don’t just give up. They keep their word too. He meant what he said about our crew.” She finally turns to look at you and grabs your shoulders for emphasis. There are tears in her eyes, “You are not the only one who is scared. We all are. He might kill us just to send a message to others. I’m sorry, truly. You don’t even know who you are, but just think for a moment, maybe you were someone terrible.” The last words are spoken more like a question. She doesn’t believe them either.

Your heart clenches at the possibility that she might be right; however, that doesn’t mean you can just give up. You don’t feel like you are a bad person. Despite the will to live, you don’t wish anything bad upon these people just because of your choices.

“Is there anything I can do? Do I have a chance?” You’re begging for any sort of hope or idea and you don’t care if you sound pathetic.

Marri looks at you for a long time. Her dark skin reflects the tears and you can’t help feeling bad for even asking it of her. She’s terrified.

“I don’t know, honestly. Unless you happen to know how to fight, I don’t know if there is anything any of us can do. They are hunters. They get what they are after.”

She’s given up. She doesn’t have any ideas. Why would she help me though? She barely knows me and she’s known her crew for longer.

You will have to come up with your own plan. She leads you back to her barracks, but neither of you can sleep. You are too anxious to even try to close your eyes.

All too soon, you feel the ship starting to land. Your breath hitches and you know there’s no time left.

Marri gently leads you to the ramp. You are met with what you take to be Utapau. The hanger you are in is open aired. There’s a cliff to your right showing you how trapped you are. Your eyes lead up to the walls of what appears to be a giant hole or cavern that you are in currently. There are creatures flying in and out of the hole. You see them land on another pad further away along with some other creatures that look like they are made for running, not flying. There are buildings sticking out from the sides of the cliffs and everything has an industrial, desert look to it.

Unless you steal one of the ships, not an option, or steal the flying creatures, you are stuck in the hole. To your left, the rest of the level you are on of this landing pad has nothing to your advantage. There are machines that look like transportation, but you still don’t know how to operate them. The rest of the crew is unloading while you desperately look for any escape.

None of the inhabitants are paying you any attention. None of them look like they could help you. Most are short and non-threatening with bulging eye sockets and round figures. The taller grey ones with lines running down their faces that look almost like scares seem to be in charge. They have sharp teeth and wear blood red. They look threatening, but too threatening for you to approach.

Marri leads you out of the way of the crew and closer to the edge of the drop off. You look down to see just how high up you still are within this crater. You can’t help but feel like you are in a grave.

The bottom is so far down that you can only make out specks of blue. Marri startles you from your thoughts, “The bottom is water and caves. There’s not much beyond the top. There are similar layouts. This planet is full of sinkholes and cities within. You won’t get far, unless you know how to fly. Your best bet is the water. They can’t track in water as well as land,” she whispers in your ear.

“Why are you telling me this? Unless I miraculously survive a fall, I can’t get down there.”

“I know. But there is a chance if you get one of those varactyls.” She gestures to the lizard looking creatures that you spotted earlier.

You look incredulously at her. She is actually trying to help you? After everything she said to you?

“Look, I don’t know who you are or if you have done anything wrong, but if you are innocent, I don’t want that on my conscience. I can’t help you much more than this, but I could cause a distraction. I have to think of my friends on that ship.”

“I understand. I am grateful. Believe me, I don’t want you to get hurt or killed because of me.” She seems relieved at your words. “I will wait until he sees that I am alright and you guys are safe, ok?”

Again, tears flood her eyes, “Thank you.”

She leads you away from the edge and back to the crew. You don’t have restraints on, but you keep your word. You wait for the Mandolorian to arrive.

Every ship entering the hole brings your heart into your throat with panic. For what feels like hours, but it is never him. You almost fool yourself into thinking that he won’t come.

No such luck. One ship that feels different from the rest enters the atmosphere and you can almost feel the danger radiating off that ship before you even see it. It is not a large ship by any means, but the two guns on the front of the curved hull and the battle scars gives away the true nature of it.

Marri stands besides you and you follow. The whole crew waits as the ship comes closer to the landing platform. You feel something pressed into your hand as you realize it’s a blaster. Marri leans into your ear and whispers, “Only use it if you have to.” You nod and tuck it into your waistband and cover it with your shirt.

Without another word, she walks up to Roxy and the rest of the crew follows. You are in the back of the crowd and all eyes are facing towards the ship that has now turned to land on its bottom with the hull facing up instead of out. Everyone is enraptured and you know you could try to escape now, but you told Marri you would wait until Mando saw that they hadn’t harmed you.

That’s when you notice something out of the corner of your eye. One of the smaller inhabitants trying to wrangle one of the winged lizards is stuck in the reins. Its stubby legs wrapped up and the creature is starting to take off. The poor bug-eyed thing was frantically waving its arms to try to grab the reins as it started to go over the edge, but it was upside down and couldn’t reach.

You couldn’t explain what happened next. You saw that in a moment and the next you were running as fast as you could towards the flying lizard, that was now almost over the edge completely, and reaching out to grab the little guy’s hand.

Now, here you were. Dangling over a hole that led to certain death should you fall. Focusing on the task, you grabbed onto the reins above the leg and pulled yourself up. Once you were above the alien, you carefully loosened the knot. He must’ve mistaken what you were doing and thought you were trying to kill him. He thrashed around even harder causing the lizard to jerk and try to hold you both. It was a scrawny one and smaller than its larger brethren, so your nerves shot up even more.

“Calm down, I’m trying to help you!”

That must have gotten through to him. The frantic squeaks stopped and he held still.

You had loosened the knot enough that you reached down as best you could and grabbed his hand. With a quick jerk, you tugged him out of the reins and swung him back towards the platform into the arms of his comrades.

The celebration and alien sounding cheers didn’t last as the creature decided it had enough of you. Thrashing wildly and randomly, your hands lost their grip and you’re thrown far. You only have a moment to realize you are heading towards the pit of the flightless lizards before panic fully sets in. You were high up; this was probably going to break some bones at best and kill you at worst.

You close your eyes preparing for the pain. A sudden stop in motion without any pain makes your eyes fly open in surprise. One of the varactyls, a giant blue one had caught you in its mouth like you were a toy to fetch. Thankfully, it had caught your shirt in its beak and not your flesh.

There’s commotion outside of the pit and a bit of a crowd is starting to rush into the pit. You know one of them is going to be Mando, so you have two options: take your chances or take this lizard for ride. The answer was obvious.

Patting the beak behind you, you try to convince the beast to let you go, “Hey, let go. Come on, come on. I’m not a toy.” You pat harder to get the point across and with a huff of boredom it does as it’s told. You don’t give it a chance to get far. This one had been saddled already and, in the commotion, had been forgotten. You weren’t going to look a gift lizard in the mouth.

You throw yourself into the saddle and give a spirited whip of the reins. The beast doesn’t hesitate either and lets out an excited yip before lunging forward.

If you hadn’t been holding onto the reins as tight as you had been, you would’ve fallen off. The varactyl was far faster than you expected. You heard some shouts behind you, but you didn’t look back in fear of what you might see.

The paths ahead of you were speeding by towards deeper into this hole and network of tunnels. Stalactites and stalagmites made up most of the natural architecture along with flora, but no signs of where any path lead. So, you chose one that looked like it may take you down towards the bottom of the pit like Marri said.

Everything sped by in a blur of tans and bursts of color from the plants that lined the path. You chanced a look behind you and no one was following you from what you could tell. At least there was some good news.

The bad news was that you had no idea where you were heading and no idea what to do now. There probably wasn’t a chance of actually hiding from a bounty hunter, but you were going to give it your best shot until you could stowaway on another ship.

Thankfully, the main paths seemed to lead in a spiral pattern either up or down levels and split off into smaller paths leading to the inner most parts of the planet. You had lucked out and you knew it was only a matter of time before that luck ended. Especially using so much to save that little one from the falling to his death. There wasn’t any other explanation you could think of for that move. The fact that you weren’t dead was a surprise at this point.

It didn’t take as long as you expected for you to reach the very bottom of the pit. The varactyl was extremely fast and sped through the levels like it had its own hyperdrive.

Once you saw the end of the path leading to docks where small fishing boats were lazily floating and very few life forms to witness your presence, you pulled back on the reins and hopped off. The varactyl walked towards the water and drank deeply.

You didn’t know where to go from here. The path just led straight into the water almost like a ramp. There were caves you could see all around. The water wasn’t deep until near the middle of the pit and Marri had said to keep to the water.

Cautiously, you stepped into the water. It was pleasant and clear. You could see the bottom and the stone underneath was smooth beneath your feet. You could survive in this water without fear of freezing.

Do I know how to swim? These simple questions that only you, or people who knew you, should be able to answer and having no answers yourself, was infuriating. You couldn’t remember anything about yourself, yet you knew basic concepts. The unfairness of everything was boiling your blood and your frustration was growing the more you thought about it.

No! I don’t have time for this. I’ll try floating and see if I can. The water looks shallow enough for the most part, so even if I can’t I could at least try wading towards some caves.

You knew that stealing a boat was not an option since all of them were being used. Swimming anywhere was better than nothing.

You were about to step out further into the water when a thought hit you. They could track me by following that creature. It’s a dead giveaway. You looked back at the bright blue beast that stuck out like a flashing sign advertising your whereabouts.

You walked over to it and gently waved your hands in a shooing motion, “Thanks for the catch and the ride, but you should go.” It didn’t budge. Just looked at you with intelligent eyes and tilting its head in a questioning look. You sighed. “Ugh, come on. You should go. Go free if you want! Just run somewhere!” You started waving your arms a little more aggressively, “Shoo! Go!” You walked up to it closer and louder. The beast finally lost interest and left towards where it came from. You breathed a sigh of relief and walked back to the water.

It looked more intimidating now that you were trying to think of how to swim. Maybe it would be an instinct more than anything. So, you stopped thinking and tried to spear the water surrounding you to your arms in front of you and almost laying out. Your stomach reflexively tightened with strain of keeping you afloat. Ok, so at least I can float. It’s not pretty, but I can float.

Establishing the fact that you could float and possibly swim, your newest and best plan was to hide in the caves and steal whatever food you could. It sounded a lot simpler than it was going to be, but what choice did you have? The blaster in your waistband wasn’t going to do much good if you missed.

The docks were under an overhang, blocking it from the hanger’s view. Swimming out into the open was a stupid idea. Your best bet was to stay close to the sides and close to the docks for food.

You didn’t know what Marri had meant about not being able to track you in the water, but you would do your best to stay in the water and take that fact at face value. So, you swam to a cave off to the left of the docks, tucked away behind cliff faces and rock outcroppings.

You swam for a while along the edges of the rocks until you could still see the docks in the distance. You found a cave along the way, but would have to wait and see if this cave would even work for your needs.

I don’t even know what my needs are. The mouth of the cave opened to a sandy inner sanctuary. You could rest there and sort out what you would need. What if I can’t eat? What if I need something specific? Am I allergic to anything?

You laid down in the sand, staring up to the ceiling of the cave. What if running away had just killed you? Fear chilled your heart. I think I just made the biggest mistake I could make. Hot tears of frustration and hopelessness pricked the corners of your eyes. You had no idea who or even what you were and you had left anyone who did know in fear of being killed or sold off when you just may have killed yourself unknowingly.

“You stupid, stupid girl. What did you just do?” You held back a sob. All the emotions that had been in the back of your head since the moment you woke in that cell were coming to a boiling point now that you were laying down in the best form of safety you could find at the moment.

You wrapped an arm around your eyes and tried to calm your breathing. If you panicked now or got too emotional, you could die for sure if you let the weight of everything crash down and suffocate your actions. You had to hold off for now. You could cry when you were truly safe.

Those thoughts were pushed deep down and you sat up. You cupped your hand and drank deeply to quench your thirst that had built up. When was the last time I had food? That thought brought a grumble to your stomach. At least now I know I need sustenance in some form and I don’t just draw energy from the air or something weird.

The thought of going back out of hiding so soon was not appealing at the moment in case they had tracked you as far as to the docks. Once night fell, there could be a chance to steal some food if you found some by the fisherman’s homes. Stealing wasn’t your first option, but you didn’t have money or any way to fish. You still had the blaster that Marri gave you, but there wasn’t a good chance that a blaster shot wouldn’t destroy any source of food and leave enough behind.

You made your way further into the gave and away from the water. Utapau was warmer than on a ship, but you were still careful not to be close to the water in case it rose and soaked you. You were still wearing the thin clothes from Polis Massa’s medical center. If it got chilly at night on this planet, you would have to steal some clothes.

There wasn’t a memory, but there was a feeling of guilt and shame about possibly having to steal from innocent beings in order to survive. Maybe that means I’m not a bad person. Or I am and I don’t remember how to shove these feelings down yet. That thought wasn’t appealing to you. If you had been a terrible person up until the loss of memories, you weren’t in a rush to get them back.

I’ll argue about morality with myself later, you mused to yourself and let sleep take ahold of you once again for lack of anything else to do. The day had been quite exciting and your body was ready to catch its breath.

You awoke to a light chill blowing into the cave. You looked towards the mouth of the cave and only darkness met your eyes, so you walked out to the water that was still fairly warm. The night was gorgeous. You could see so many stars that it looked like a city in the sky with a moon or planet so close it took up the rest of the sky.

There were quiet squawks from above, probably the lizard like creatures. There were no other sounds besides the quiet rippling of the water.

Looking towards where you thought the docks were, you saw lights along the main bath and the water reflected the light from the stars well enough to light your way.

Now or never, I guess.

You swam towards the docks in search of anything that might be of use. You were careful not to splash and gently cut through the water to not draw attention.

There was a main dock house and about ten houses near the water. You weren’t exactly expecting food to be left out on a windowsill, but you hadn’t thought it would be this hard to find anything.

You walked around the houses, trying to look inconspicuous while you did. There were tools and nets out around, boats left tied to the posts, shoes (which none fit your tiny five-toed feet instead of the two prong shapes), and paddles. You did find a spear lying against the side of a house, which you decided to take and use some rope to sling it around your back.

There was a clothesline that did have a grey wraparound cloak that you took as well for warmth. Still, no food though.

You decided to call it a night when you caught something out of the corner of your eye. A glint of starlight off of something silver. There’s no way. There’s no way. Just be calm.

You walked slowly, trying to not look scared or like you had been caught. You wrapped the cloak around you and used that as a chance to pull the blaster out of your waistband and keep it hidden.

Nothing popped up and no one shouted at you. You were stuck though; if you left back towards safety, they would easily spot you and follow you to your hiding place and if you walked back up the path, then they would spot you and have no fuss with locals. Maybe I’m just being paranoid.

In order to keep the locals safe, you chose to walk back up the path. There could be a shootout and you didn’t want anyone to be hurt in case you were right.

It took every ounce of control to not run or try to hide. If they hadn’t spotted you or if they weren’t even there, there was no point in running. Your heart was pounding though and you felt sweat run down the side of you face. You had to concentrate on each step being slow and steady.

You walked in the middle of the path away from the lights on either side in order to not be as easily seen. You were holding your breath to listen for any sound at all, but it was like the night was just you and your footsteps. Even the squawking had died.

Then, just barely louder than the tiny scuffle of your footsteps, was the sound of someone following. It sounded like metal or spurs or some kind. You almost stopped walking when you heard it, but you kept going like nothing was wrong. Like you weren’t being stalked.

I am not prey.

Without a second to keep thinking or start to panic, you whipped the blaster around and came face to face with the silver helmet much closer than you expected. The blaster was aimed right at his armored chest.

“Walk away right now or get shot,” You did your best threatening voice and tried not to let your hands shake.

The silver helmet just continued to stare at you. The black of the visor swallowed your vision until it was like staring into a void. He still said nothing.

He just looked down at the blaster and you followed his gaze. His gloved hands were on his belt, not his weapons. He wasn’t actively threatening you, but maybe he thought he could take you without them. When he looked back up to your face, he softly spoke, “Your blaster’s safety is on.”

[vesuviannights]

Hey! For the fic title thing how about "Mercy"?

Bounty Hunter Lucio x MC, AU fic.

Lucio works as a bounty hunter with low (read: no) moral codes - he’ll bring in anyone and anything no matter the reason, so long as the price is right.

He has been sent out on a hunt to find a low-level threat, one he scoffs at and almost passes up until he sees the price tag: 500,000 coins.

He doesn’t bother studying the notes or witness statements, he sees low threat and knows it’ll be an easy target, and so he sets out with minimal weapons and nearly yawning at the ease of it all.

Soon enough, he’ll be a stinking rich man. Find, corner, behead, collect. The easiest payday he’ll ever have in his life.

But when he finally lays eyes on them, something…isn’t quite right. Not with them, with him - there’s this…weird thing in his chest, no it’s not his fucking heartbeat, it’s like…warm? And it kind of does a thing to his lips too, and his eyes, and some of the equipment in his pants that isn’t knives.

He watches MC from afar as they move throughout the market place, and it’s almost irritating to see them being so sloppy - why the hell is someone with 500,000 coins on their head not wearing a robe? Why have they not cut their hair? Why are they talking to people, don’t they know it’s going to get them killed?!

He follows them to an alley and corners them, snaps at them to be more careful, don’t they know anything?

MC gets flustered, wide-eyed, stutters. They seem to know who or what he is. They seem terrified. That weirdness in his chest is back he doesn’t have time for this

He shoves a cloak at them, tells them to leave the city, cut their hair, and for the love of the Gods stop talking to people.

And he’s satisfied with his work, though when he gets home that night he’s cursing and throwing things because did he really just throw away 500,000 coins because of a pretty face and doe eyes?! What the hell is wrong with him!?

So he goes out the next day to check if his words were heeded, and lo and behold, they were not.

Another impromptu meeting in an alley. MC seems less startled, but insists they couldn’t leave, they have…they can’t leave, they’re needed here.

That weirdness comes again.

He lets them go, again.

Curses himself, a g a i n.

And so it repeats itself, for days on days, with MC insisting they can’t leave but refusing to say why, and so Lucio just keeps throwing things at them trying to guess what it is they need - cloaks, blankets, shoes, food, medicine, books, what do they need? What will make them leave?! 

And it’s such a frustrating ordeal but he doesn’t even seem to think twice about it after the second day, he’s just trying to get rid of them so he doesn’t have to see their wide eyes and so he doesn’t have to listen to that weird feeling in his chest gods fucking damnit will it ever go away!?

And each time they meet it’s for a little longer, and they talk a little more, until MC finally tells him why they can’t leave: they need to take someone with them, someone very sick who needs medicine and expensive travel and they won’t leave without them, they are the only family they have left.

And so Lucio does the only thing that makes sense:

He finds a person that looks vaguely like MC, decapitates them, takes the severed head to the Bounty Hunters Association and collects on those 500,000 coins.

The next time he sees MC, he shoves the bag at them. He tells them this will be enough to get them anywhere in the world, a thousand times over. Come back tomorrow night with their relative, he will make sure they make it out of the city alive and wherever they need to go.

MC nods, kisses him on the cheek, and departs.

The next night, Lucio returns, but there is no MC. Only a note, stuck to the wall with one of his own knives he hadn’t even realised was missing.

Sorry, big boy - I can spend these 500,000 coins all on my own, fake relative or not. Maybe if you had read your study notes you would have succeeded. Pleasure doing business with you. x

And then he’s set upon by a swarm of palace guards, and as he’s thrown up against the wall and cuffed and read a list of his crimes (illegal bounty hunting, murder, public indecency, threatening royalty with phallic objects…), he laughs.

And he cannot stop laughing the entire carriage ride to the dungeons because by gods, the moment he breaks himself out of that place, he’s grabbing his belongings, leaving this town and finding MC so he can fucking marry them.

[journeytothenewme-blog]

So... I had a blog then decided since I wasn't able to update it enough that I was just going to shut it down. Only had 4 posts do whatever. However, I couldn't let them disappeared so I copy and pasted them here

Week One Down

6/17/20

I had my weigh in the other day, yeah, I know, I am a few days late in posting this. That is OK though, I am here now. I did an amazing job my first week back at it. I am down to 276.4 which is a loss of 6.6 pounds for the week. That is freaking amazing, in my opinion. I am aware that a lot of that is probably water weight, but I will take it. Even if it is mostly water it is still a nice feeling to see those numbers go down. It really helps boost the self esteem and lets me know that I am on the right track. 

I am part of a lot of WW groups on Facebook to help give me motivation and ideas for my journey. My problem is that I keep seeing a lot of members complaining about not loosing weight or only losing a pound or less on their first week. It makes me wonder why. I have used WW multiple times and have always had success with it. I am wondering if they are going over their points or eating too much fruit (or other zero point foods)? I wonder if they are consuming too much sodium and are retaining too much water? I have no idea but it kind of irritates me that they aren't doing it right, seems odd, I know. Another possibility is that they are working out too much and losing fat but gaining muscle? There are just too many variables and it is driving me nuts. I feel like if I knew what they were doing wrong then I wouldn't make the same mistake. At the same time, I feel like I should just focus on my own journey and forget about everyone else. 

My yo-yo weight loss is getting out of hand but at least now I am on a downward trend and moving towards healthy. The hope is that I will be able to continue going down. 

Last Day of Week 1

6/14/2020

It is Sunday afternoon. It is the last day of my first week back on Weight Watchers (WW). I am on the Green plan and I feel like it is going great so far. I always do pretty well the first week or two though and then fizzle out. The key is keeping up the momentum and pushing through. I will find out tomorrow though how well I did or did not do this week. Monday mornings are weigh in days and they will show me if my work is paying off or not. 

I haven't done much this week in the way of working out. The gyms are just now starting to open back up thanks to COVID-19. I haven't been back yet though. I don't know what is going on with my membership, if it is still active or if I have to renew it. I will take care of all that later, I am content not going for now. 

I did by some at home workout things to mess around with. I have some light dumbbell weights as well as a kettle bell. I am going to purchase some more items, like resistance bands and whatnot. It is nice to have access to a ton of workout videos thanks to YouTube so I can do any kind of workout I want from the comfort of my own home. It is nice that the husband works evenings so I can workout in peace on days that he isn't around. 

I have been going for walks at night when the weather is cool, giving myself a little exercise. It is better than nothing I suppose. 

Tomorrow morning will come soon enough as we will see how well this week went for me. 

A couple of days in...

6/12/2020

So I have been at it for a few days now. I started about five days ago. I feel like things are going OK. I have been eating some pretty tasty meals that are healthy too. I haven't gone over my points at all thus far *knock on wood*

I have had the opportunity to hit up the grocery store and load up on some staples like chicken, rice, and eggs. I also loaded up on some fresh produce. That is where I have to try to be careful. I tend to get too much at a time and end up throwing so much away. I am trying to prevent that from happening in the future but I am sure that there will be a learning curve. I prefer getting my produce from Aldi because, well, it's far cheaper. The only issue is that it goes bad rather quickly. Since I work right by our local Aldi I can make frequent trips so that isn't a problem. I will just have to buy a little at a time. 

Something that I have found that works for me, that I will be doing, is keeping snacks on hand. I buy fruit and veggies and cut them up, storing them in a bowl in the fridge. This is nice for when I want to just grab something to much on. I can just pop the lid off the bowl, grab a couple bites, and throw it back in. Easy as pie. 

Additionally, I found that keeping Greek yogurt is a must have. The flavored stuff is low on points and is great for dipping the fruit in. Also, it's pretty tasty as a stand alone snack. On the other hand, making a rand dip/dressing out of non-fat plain Greek yogurt is a must have when it comes to this have. It's perfect for dipping veggies or pretzels, and makes an excellent salad dressing. 

All and all things have been going great so far so I have high hopes. An acquaintance of mine joined WW a couple of days after me so I am able to share ideas with her. That is, of course, assuming she sticks with it. I am also aiming to get a buddy of mine in the program as well. He says he's game but has to wait two weeks until his next payday. If he joins then we can both get  a free month so that is a bonus. I want to start a weight loss competition for more motivation. I need people to keep me accountable!! 

Weigh in is on Monday, so I have a few days before I step on the scale. We will see what happens then. 

Day One... Again...

6/8/2020

I decided to start up again today, for many reasons. Of course, I want to loose weight. I am sick of being and feeling fat. I know that I am, and I probably always will be. However, when the people who are close to me start to tell me I need to change my habits then I should probably start to listen. I need to lose some pounds so I can feel better in my daily life. I am tired of not being able to walk down the stairs. I am sick of my knees and feet bothering me. I am over the stomach aches and fowl smelling gas. I hate that I cannot shop at most stores due to a lack of sizing. I am just ready to to be thinner and feel better. 

This go around I am doing Weight Watchers... again. I have had loads of success with the program in the past. The first time around, which was about 9 years ago, I lost almost 50 pounds in just three months. I was able to get down into the 220s which is the lowest I have been since before my son was born (he is 15 now). Unfortunately, that weight didn't stay off. I met my husband and just got comfortable. Over years I gained so much weight. A little over a year ago I hit my highest weight ever. I was weighing in at 303 pounds. I saw that on the scale and I knew that something had to be done. Two summers ago I started Weight Watchers, again, and succeeded. I was down to the 250s and feeling great. Then, again, life happened and I got comfortable and stopped dieting. I have since gained a lot of that back. I have dabbled with other weight loss strategies since then. I have used MyFitnessPal and tracked CICO with some success. However, none of that ever lasted more than a couple of weeks. 

So, here I am again today, starting over on WW. I was put on the green plan, which from what I understand has less 0 point foods but you get more points to work with throughout the day. At first I was a little worried, mostly since I cannot have chicken and eggs for no points anymore, like I could before. However, the more I have talked to people and thought about it, this might be for the best. I may have to track chicken and eggs, but I can eat way more points than I could before. Additionally, I can use those points for other foods, giving myself more of a variety. 

​I am excited to see where this journey takes me this time. 

Jess Jess

Follow me on my path to the new, healthier me. Watch my ups and downs, my successes and failures, and everything in between. I have started this journey many times before, but I am determined to make this the last time I start. I will accomplish what I am here to do, and that is to get healthy!

[marceltash]

Marcel Ash

Professor Lunday

ENGL 1301

19 Apr 2020

At the Gates

            “I, Marcel Ash, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of all the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God." Reciting this sovereign oath has the same brilliance that it possessed over a decade ago. For a Marine, it foreshadows the unity we have the privilege to be a part of. I’m thankful for all the diverse personalities that effortlessly meshed with my own. Ok, maybe effortlessly isn’t the best choice of words. Our brotherhood is forged through blood, sweat, tears, and a little bit of “positive” reinforcement. I was able to persevere and grow into a fine marine; it all anxiously started August 28th, 2010. I still remember seeing all the 25 faces those many years ago, seeing the expressions of nervousness, excitement, and an overall state of unknowing as to what the future will hold. As we lined up shortest to tallest right before preparing to march onto the red carpet inside the MEPS building room. I was to march into room with the Army, Navy, Marine Corps, and Coast Guard crest hanging so proudly high on the wall to the rear of the room, with a mesmerizing look of old glory swaying ever so boldly through the elements of the sky. As we marched in, everyone’s parents and other families were standing there crying tears of pride, waves at us vigorously, and taking pictures as if they were capturing the last remnants of the innocence of their child to be preserved, because they knew that once the oath of enlistment had been spoken; no longer stood their child, but now an young adult setting down the path of adulthood. Once we all entered and were appropriately positioned , the commander of Military Enlistment Processing Station walked in and delivered a passionate and intense speech about being honored, becoming brothers and sister in arms, and have the distinct pleasure to call of calling us his fellow future service member.

After hearing and feeling the passion in the voice of what the MEPS commander had to say to us, raising my right hand, and speaking that oath to the nation, I couldn’t help but feel an intense state of belonging to an great organization resonate inside, and that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, I would call them all a part of my family one day soon. 30 minutes after they marched us out of the swearing in room, they took us to through a series of different hallways a offices depositing all 25 of us to our respective branch offices as if we had been the payday they been waiting for, I stood in surprised that only 6 of us remained from the 25 await the drop off to Marine Corps office to get our next set instruction well to what to expect now. At that very moment, I finally understood why it was that the Marine Corps was always referred to was the Few And the Proud, and why everyone I would tell told about my future endeavor would smile so loudly and hug me so tightly .

When we finally reached the office, we were greeted by at the time what I thought to be the epitome of the Marine Corps at time: a mountain of a Marine standing at least 6’5, jacked and with a demeanor that demanded nothing less than the up most respect from those both below and above alike. Whenever he spoke, whether it be issuing a command of orders, or it be a simple response, with every word spoke had whoever hung on every word because of his shear confidence. He led us over to the recreation area full of theater chairs and a projector with the most up to date movies out at the time, and congratulated us on becoming future “Devil Dogs” before telling us he would call us one at a time so that we could get our Military Occupational Specialty, finish signing contracts, and giving us each a 23 dollar food voucher for the food court at the airport. When it was finally time for me to finish my process before heading off to boot camp; the Gunnery Sergeant looking in a perplexing, and puzzled manor looked at me, as I walked in to greet him. As he stared into his computer monitor intently, 5 minutes went pass before he would finally break the silence lingering to address my choice of MOS. He wanted to know why someone with a score of 53 on the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery, and had qualified for 75% of the jobs available to me, decided that I  wanted to be a Food Service Specialist instead of  a helicopter mechanic or everything else. He felt that it would be a great injustice not only to the Marine Corps, but also to me as well if I were limit myself to being a Food Service Specialist.

GySgt said to trying to gain a clear understanding of my thought process “Hey killer, I’m just going over your contract and looking at it I understand that you want to be a cook? With everything that the out there, did your recruiter not tell you what the Marine Corps has to offer to you? Because if he didn’t, luckily for you I have the last say so for your future career, and I can most defiantly change it for you no harm no fault right now just give me the word.” It took me a moment to process everything and contemplate what he had said, I responded with asking him what else was available and the wait time for each of the different MOS. He then said “Well if you were take Aviation Ordinance school will not be picking up for another year which means you wouldn’t be going to boot camp today, but you would have a better job. Or we can put you in warehousing or as an armorer were you can handle weapons all day. I just didn’t want a smart kid like you wasting after in someone’s chow hall making eggs and flipping spatula for the next 4 or however many years you stay in this gun club.” I told him “GySgt I would love to be ANYTHING other than a Food Service Specialist, but if it means staying in Texas another day I cannot do it.” He looked at me somewhat shockingly as I continued. “Boss It’s time for me to get out of here, I mean if I had another place to stay I most defiantly would take you up on your offer, but I just quit my job and my aunt will let me come back to her house, so Food Service Specialist it is for me 100% sir.” Understanding the severity of my situation, but still trying to get me the best “bang for my buck” as he put it said, “My final option would be to offer an open contract. What that entails is a contract where you go to boot camp today just like you want. He then leaned forward, crossed his hands and continued with, “Now while you’re there, the Marine Corps is going to look at your ASVAB score and what’s opened or going to be open by the time you graduate and place you a MOS of their choosing. Now the powers that be can put in the Infantry, or you can get lucky and get placed in meteorology” he laughed and then replied, “Yes, the Marine Corps has weather men or Food Service Specialists, because that’s the only thing open right now, but it solely up to the Marine Corps.” My response to him was very simple and would lighten the tone of would seem like an intense bargaining of careers with, “GySgt you lost me at Infantry sir, thank you for trying to convince me though, but I’ve been shot at enough in life and I’m not too keen on going half way across the world for someone to play target practice with my butt.” After a brief chuckle, and a few head nods of comprehension of my standing on position for my career, the Gunnery Sergeant had me sign a few pages, initial some other ones, handed me my food voucher, and told to head back to the lounge and chill out until it was time to head to the airport.

Heading back to the lounge, an unsettling feeling of nervousness began set in as I wondered if I made the right decision. I began to wonder if talking to the two Staff Sergeants that set all of this in motion had been a mistake an just a rebellious act against the status quo that a was my family, and all their disapproving rants with the exception of a few of how I was “going to throw my life away” or worst “get my fool self-killed” fighting in a war I had no business being in. But through the mist of the somber memories clouding my every thought, an over bearing ray of positivity would expunge all remaining doubts from my mind in the form my brother and words to me about my decision. My brother Shawn, who was the first to know of my intentions, said “well bro you know if that’s what you want to do then you know I support you all the way. No matter what the rest of the family says, it’s your life not theirs. If they didn’t like your decision, then to hell with them, just know your big brother will there how somehow to see his baby brother graduate damnit!” After reminiscing on the conversation between my brother and myself, I realized that no matter how hard basic training would be or get, as long I made my oldest brother Shawn proud, that’s all that mattered to me. After returning back to the lounge and surveying inside the room, I ran into a familiar face in a friend named Benjamin going to basic as well. After both he and I locked on to one another, a sense of relief and security befell the both of us because instead of going to another state with complete strangers, and having to get to know everyone in an instant, we a fellow face and to fall back in case of the moments when one of us was in need of moral support and reassurance.

By the time we finish catching up on lost time, as well as bantering back and forth an hour in a half had past and gunnery came to inform us that the bus taking us to the airport would be arriving shortly, and decided that he would tell us about the different states and countries he had the pleasure of going to. “I many of have ever been outside of Texas, or even the country? Well I can tell that the Marine Corps is probably the perfect place to go for traveling. The reason why I say this is because I’ve been to places you can only dream about. Places like Japan, New Zealand, Morocco, Brazil, Dubai, and so many more places gents. You what the craziest part about all this, I went to all these different countries absolutely free. That’s right guys, the Marine Corps paid for everything from the travel cost down even having maids to clean for you so you don’t have to worry about nothing, but going to work your 5 the 8 hour shift you are scheduled to stand, then its liberty and fun time people. If you aren’t sold on that fact, then listen to this; they also provide you a professional chief as well so you dot have to worry about cooking and feeding yourself as well. Speaking of chiefs, where’s my future Food Service Specialist?” I looked up and raised my hand hoping not to be ridiculed by the others for my choice in job selection. “Here I am Gunny, don’t go in on me to hard please and thank you.” His reply was “Why would I do that? No I was actually going to ask you if your recruiters told about the potential of you being able to go to the Culinary Institute of America?” he could tell from the bewildered look on my face that I had no inclination of what he was speaking about. “I didn’t think they did either. So for Marines with your MOS, you can go to the CIA while in the Marine Corp completely free of charge, provided you can win a completion between the Marine Corp and a civilian team of cooks like yourself. What that means for you should you win is that the Marine Corps will fly you to New York on special orders called Temporary Assigned Duty, or TAD and set you in a 5 star hotel, provide you with transportation, give you Per Diem, it’s just a fancy word for spending money, and allow you to go site seeing when you’re not at school. Just make sure you do your homework, because you will not have a babysitter telling to make sure you have your work done.”

He then also mentioned to us that even though we had sworn in we could still back out and go home. “Another thing for you ones that decide that at Boot Camp you really don’t want to be there; If by some chance you get there and start to realize that it’s not go for, you can most definitely leave and go home. But do understand that best way and fastest way out of the Marine Corps Recruit Depo is to graduate in 3 months. If you decide you want to leave prematurely, you will sit there at MCRD for at least 6 months before they be able to get you back home because of the process. So please I implore you, just suck it up, every day is not going to be roses, and finish boot camp.” After sharing a few more stories about the provocative things that some of the countries have to offer while there, he told us that bus would be arriving within the hour and told us to start cleaning the lounge, make sure we didn’t leave anything, and wished us luck once again and hoped he’d see some of us as Marines in the fleet. Roughly about 45 minutes later, the Gunnery Sargent sent one of the Administrative Assistant working in the office to notify us that the bus was here and guided everyone down stairs to insure we made it down to the bus. Once we arrived at the buses, she stop in front of them and told us to pair up, but not before appointing me in charge of everyone until we reached our final destination. Her only requirement of me was to make sure we all reached the gate on time, to board our flight to San Diego to be received by the Drill Instructors at MCRD.

Once we reached the airport, Benjamin and I instantly linked ourselves together, as if we were links of a steel chain that refuse to be broken, and would somehow manage to remain that way throughout the entirety of basic training. When we finally reached the boarding gate, we had a little over 2 in half hours before we would began the final trek to claim the title of Marine. Everyone looked to me for instructions of what to do because of my early appointment, me sensing that this would probably be to last time we all would get to enjoy the freedom and simply replied with, “Gents for and enjoy yourself, don’t do anything to stupid, and be back 15 min before its time to board the plane, but stay with your partners please and thank you.” After my statement, everyone’s eyes lit up as I had opened the flood gates, and allowed them to do what their wildest minds could imagine. As they disappeared in different directions, Benjamin and I went to the horse shoe shaped food court were we would remain until it was time to head back eating the 23 dollars’ worth of McDonalds double Cheese Burgers and Hot N Spicy’s we could get.

Boarding the plane I didn’t realize how much I had an unhealthy fear for fling as I had only flown 1 time before that very moment. The only thing that got me onto the plane was the fact that once I had reached MCRD, only few would have the chance in life to become Marines, and of that less than 1% would actually claim that title. Boarding the plane, we would encounter a future service member that as a part of the United States Army that as was more than happy to share with us his multiple stories about being in Afghanistan and seeing different parts of the world as well. Listening to the Army Specialist stories and adventures up to that point current moment, I realized that he manage to keep all our minds off the fact that we were 30,000 feet in the air, and kept our minds off the various bumps and shakes that the turbulence had to throw at us while we in the air.

When we finally landed in San Diego and had gotten off the plane, we had made our way to the USO in the airport were we signed in and given further instruction to wait on the bus coming to get us from the Depot. We were told to wait outside the USO because we haven’t become service member yet. We only waited for no less than 10 minutes out in the mid night air, before a bus with black out windows would pull up to collect us and deliver us to the hands of the men that would shape us into the men we needed to be. When the doors opened, a tall slender Drill Instructor disembarked the bus and addressed by saying, “listen up gents, from this point forward you will all be referred to as recruits and the word I is no longer a part of your word will. My name Drill Instructor Staff Sargent Jones and that is what you will refer to me as.” He began to pace back forward and continued with, “The first word out your mouth will be sir, and the last word will be sir. When you get on my bus, you will file out from left to right until all the seats are filed. When we get to MCRD, you also get off my bus from left to right, do you understand me?” Looking timid for unsure what the next few months would offer, answered him with a loud and pride “SIR YES SIR!!” SSgt Jones grinned and replied with, “Some of you will not make it through, and some of you will get hurt and can’t make it through. To the ones of you I say, good luck when you get back home, the Marine Corps wasn’t for you. The of that do make it through congratulations; I’ll happily call you my brothers. Until when I will be challenged and tested in ways you never have before, and you’ll want to quit.” He stopped in the middle of us all and said peering into all our eyes collectively, “The next 3 months will not be easy gentlemen, welcome to your own personal 13 week hell, now get on my bus!!”                           

[chrisgoesrock]

Howlin' Wolf - Howlin' Wolf (2nd Album US 1962)

In the history of the blues, there has never been anyone quite like the Howlin' Wolf. Six foot three and close to 300 pounds in his salad days, the Wolf was the primal force of the music spun out to its ultimate conclusion. A Robert Johnson may have possessed more lyrical insight, a Muddy Waters more dignity, and a B.B. King certainly more technical expertise, but no one could match him for the singular ability to rock the house down to the foundation while simultaneously scaring its patrons out of its wits.

He was born in West Point, MS, and named after the 21st President of the United States (Chester Arthur). His father was a farmer and Wolf took to it as well until his 18th birthday, when a chance meeting with Delta blues legend Charley Patton changed his life forever. Though he never came close to learning the subtleties of Patton's complex guitar technique, two of the major components of Wolf's style (Patton's inimitable growl of a voice and his propensity for entertaining) were learned first hand from the Delta blues master. The main source of Wolf's hard-driving, rhythmic style on harmonica came when Aleck "Rice" Miller (Sonny Boy Williamson) married his half-sister Mary and taught him the rudiments of the instrument. He first started playing in the early '30s as a strict Patton imitator, while others recall him at decade's end rocking the juke joints with a neck-rack harmonica and one of the first electric guitars anyone had ever seen. After a four-year stretch in the Army, he settled down as a farmer and weekend player in West Memphis, AR, and it was here that Wolf's career in music began in earnest.

By 1948, he had established himself within the community as a radio personality. As a means of advertising his own local appearances, Wolf had a 15-minute radio show on KWEM in West Memphis, interspersing his down-home blues with farm reports and like-minded advertising that he sold himself. But a change in Wolf's sound that would alter everything that came after was soon in coming because when listeners tuned in for Wolf's show, the sound was up-to-the-minute electric. Wolf had put his first band together, featuring the explosive guitar work of Willie Johnson, whose aggressive style not only perfectly suited Wolf's sound but aurally extended and amplified the violence and nastiness of it as well. In any discussion of Wolf's early success both live, over the airwaves, and on record, the importance of Willie Johnson cannot be overestimated.

Wolf finally started recording in 1951, when he caught the ear of Sam Phillips, who first heard him on his morning radio show. The music Wolf made in the Memphis Recording Service studio was full of passion and zest and Phillips simultaneously leased the results to the Bihari Brothers in Los Angeles and Leonard Chess in Chicago. Suddenly, Howlin' Wolf had two hits at the same time on the R&B charts with two record companies claiming to have him exclusively under contract. Chess finally won him over and as Wolf would proudly relate years later, "I had a 4,000 dollar car and 3,900 dollars in my pocket. I'm the onliest one drove out of the South like a gentleman." It was the winter of 1953 and Chicago would be his new home.

When Wolf entered the Chess studios the next year, the violent aggression of the Memphis sides was being replaced with a Chicago backbeat and, with very little fanfare, a new member in the band. Hubert Sumlin proved himself to be the Wolf's longest-running musical associate. He first appears as a rhythm guitarist on a 1954 session, and within a few years' time his style had fully matured to take over the role of lead guitarist in the band by early 1958. In what can only be described as an "angular attack," Sumlin played almost no chords behind Wolf, sometimes soloing right through his vocals, featuring wild skitterings up and down the fingerboard and biting single notes. If Willie Johnson was Wolf's second voice in his early recording career, then Hubert Sumlin would pick up the gauntlet and run with it right to the end of the howler's life.

By 1956, Wolf was in the R&B charts again, racking up hits with "Evil" and "Smokestack Lightnin'." He remained a top attraction both on the Chicago circuit and on the road. His records, while seldom showing up on the national charts, were still selling in decent numbers down South. But by 1960, Wolf was teamed up with Chess staff writer Willie Dixon, and for the next five years he would record almost nothing but songs written by Dixon. The magic combination of Wolf's voice, Sumlin's guitar, and Dixon's tunes sold a lot of records and brought the 50-year-old bluesman roaring into the next decade with a considerable flourish. The mid-'60s saw him touring Europe regularly with "Smokestack Lightnin'" becoming a hit in England some eight years after its American release. Certainly any list of Wolf's greatest sides would have to include "I Ain't Superstitious," "The Red Rooster," "Shake for Me," "Back Door Man," "Spoonful," and "Wang Dang Doodle," Dixon compositions all. While almost all of them would eventually become Chicago blues standards, their greatest cache occurred when rock bands the world over started mining the Chess catalog for all it was worth. One of these bands was the Rolling Stones, whose cover of "The Red Rooster" became a number-one record in England. At the height of the British Invasion, the Stones came to America in 1965 for an appearance on ABC-TV's rock music show, Shindig. Their main stipulation for appearing on the program was that Howlin' Wolf would be their special guest. With the Stones sitting worshipfully at his feet, the Wolf performed a storming version of "How Many More Years," being seen on his network-TV debut by an audience of a few million. Wolf never forgot the respect the Stones paid him, and he spoke of them highly right up to his final days.

Dixon and Wolf parted company by 1964 and Wolf was back in the studio doing his own songs. One of the classics to emerge from this period was "Killing Floor," featuring a modern backbeat and a incredibly catchy guitar riff from Sumlin. Catchy enough for Led Zeppelin to appropriate it for one of their early albums, cheerfully crediting it to themselves in much the same manner as they had done with numerous other blues standards. By the end of the decade, Wolf's material was being recorded by artists including the Doors, the Electric Flag, the Blues Project, Cream, and Jeff Beck. The result of all these covers brought Wolf the belated acclaim of a young, white audience. Chess' response to this was to bring him into the studio for a "psychedelic" album, truly the most dreadful of his career. His last big payday came when Chess sent him over to England in 1970 to capitalize on the then-current trend of London Session albums, recording with Eric Clapton on lead guitar and other British superstars. Wolf's health was not the best, but the session was miles above the earlier, ill-advised attempt to update Wolf's sound for a younger audience.

As the '70s moved on, the end of the trail started coming closer. By now Wolf was a very sick man; he had survived numerous heart attacks and was suffering kidney damage from an automobile accident that sent him flying through the car's windshield. His bandleader Eddie Shaw firmly rationed Wolf to a meager half-dozen songs per set. Occasionally some of the old fire would come blazing forth from some untapped wellspring, and his final live and studio recordings show that he could still tear the house apart when the spirit moved him. He entered the Veterans Administration Hospital in 1976 to be operated on, but never survived it, finally passing away on January 10th of that year.

But his passing did not go unrecognized. A life-size statue of him was erected shortly after in a Chicago park. Eddie Shaw kept his memory and music alive by keeping his band, the Wolf Gang, together for several years afterward. A child-education center in Chicago was named in his honor and in 1980 he was elected to the Blues Foundation Hall of Fame. In 1991, he was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. A couple of years later, his face was on a United States postage stamp. Live performance footage of him exists in the CD-ROM computer format. Howlin' Wolf is now a permanent part of American history.

01. Shake for Me   02. Red Rooster Howlin' Wolf   03. You'll Be Mine   04. Who's Been Talkin'   05. Wang-Dang-Doodle   06. Little Baby   07. Spoonful   08. Going Down Slow Oden   09. Down in the Bottom   10. Back Door Man   11. Howlin' for My Baby Howlin' Wolf   12. Tell Me