#people are a lot more complicated than that

[frostyhelltime]

Alastor Realizes He Has Feelings For You Part 2

Alastor x GN!Reader

AN: I'm so happy so many people seem to like this so far! I hope you all enjoy this part 2! Now I'm gonna get back to working on my inbox. I'm loving the requests I'm seeing come in so feel free to keep sending them in! ❤️ And as I said in the preview I tend to write Alastor from more of a demisexual lenses since it's on the ace spectrum and I also largely consider myself demisexual if that helps to know for this.

Link to part 1 is right HERE.

Alastor is a planner. Always has been and likely always will be. He has different plans and scenarios for almost every occasion, and has backup plans for most any issue he could ever encounter. Suffice to say, it made him a terrible person to try and out maneuver. But it was especially difficult when you weren't even aware of the game of chess he was playing.

So he does what he does best, plan. It's easier to focus on the goal of ensnaring you instead of really analyzing his own complicated feelings. He starts small, not wanting to throw you off too harshly. It had to be subtle. He starts doing things that wouldn't…necessarily be odd, considering his personality, but they're still things he hasn't really done before. 

Such as pulling your chair out for you when you go to sit down. It's not too odd. A gentlemanly thing to do. But he can tell from the look on your face that you're struggling to remember if this is a new behavior or if he's always done it and you just never noticed.

He went out of his way to accompany you when possible, more so than usual. Especially if it was into a less desirable part of town. But still, nothing changes. It honestly vexes him because he doesn't even quite know how he fell for you, so he couldn't even attempt to replicate it to make you fall for him in turn. 

Perhaps subtle was the wrong way to go? Perhaps he should be a little more…forward? 

He again starts small, not wanting to startle you, but it seems it does regardless. In hindsight him reaching for you first instead of the other way around was certainly something novel and new, so it made sense it surprised you the first few times he placed his hand on the small of your back as you both walked, a gesture of affection, protection, and possession all at once.

He would almost wonder if he was doing something wrong if he hadn't seen that delightful little dusting of pink across your cheeks each time he does it.

It's then he realizes that due to his….general nature and lack of romantic relationships, that you're likely trying to justify all of his actions as extremely friendly rather than the subtle flirtations he meant them to be.

Which annoyed him until a hint of mischief crossed his face with a realization. If you thought he was just being extraordinarily friendly…he could perhaps be even…more bold without fully showing you his hand yet.

Yes, he could certainly have fun with that.

He's thinking later on that day about how he could torment you with his affections when he passes by the library and sees you struggling, quite poorly, to reach a book. 

His grin grows imperceptibly wider as he silently approaches behind you. He weighs his options on how he should go about it and eventually decides to lean over, until his lips are almost flush to your ear.

“Do you need any help mon cœur?” He almost purrs in your ear and he has to admit there is a certain thrill and exhilaration unlike what he's used to feeling, when you jump from how close his voice is. 

“A-Alastor! I…I didn't realize you were there.” You managed to squeak out as you felt his claws rest on the crook of your waist. The proximity, touch, and whispered voice is clearly a lot for you since he can see your blush has even spread to the tips of your ears. 

How cute. He wonders what other parts of you can so plainly show your feelings because of him? Ah but he's losing focus now.

“Oh, my apologies. How rude of me not to greet you! Hello there.” He hasn't moved his mouth an inch, his voice brushing against you like velvet as he speaks. As soon as he does actually greet you, one of his hands captures yours and brings it to his lips, and he's  able to hear the slight hitch in your breath as he does so. It's certainly a sound he's quickly become a fan of, that he wants to hear over and over again. He once again allows his mind to wander for just a moment on other ways he could have you make that sound for him. But then he's focused once more, his hand dropping yours and snatching the book you appeared to be reaching for with ease before leaning back down to whisper in your ear.

“Is this what you needed mon cœur?” He continues to drawl sweetly in your ear as he repeats the pet name that still manages to make you flush and fidget nervously despite not knowing what the hell he was even saying. He noticed the pet names seemed to make you feel some type of way when they were French, even though he's called you darling and dear and various other things in English more than a few times. But no matter. He doesn't really care about the reasoning behind it, just excited he has another tool in his arsenal to ensure you turn your gaze to him instead of some pathetic sinner that thought they had a chance with you. He can feel his ears flatten slightly in agitation at the mere thought, but thankfully you're unable to see in your current position so he gives nothing away.

He sees he isn't the only one to get lost in his thoughts, since you haven't responded yet, and he's oh so curious to know what is going on in that head of yours. But another time. For now he was making such progress, he feels.

His chuckle in your ear is dark and low, but warm like honey before his voice rings out again, laced with amused curiosity.

“Mon cœur?”

You snap to attention at that, as if just remembering he was even there.

“Y-Yep! That's the book! Thank you!” 

The little stutter was cute, he admits. Especially when he knows he caused it. But he thinks this is enough for now, to help lead your mind down less…platonic roads. The idea was to have you approach him, to maintain that illusion of control. Like you thought of it, and approached him and he'll pretend to entertain the idea before giving it a shot.

But it's fine you were taking a while to grow the courage. He was a very patient man, and the way he was clearly driving you up the wall with his back and forth actions was certainly entertaining enough in the meantime.

“Glad to be of service!” His normal radio host cadence was back again as he pulled away, his touch leaving you entirely, and he's sure it leaves a cold spot in his absence that he's sure you notice, since he can feel the same sharp contrast of the lack of warmth on him from where you're no longer touching.

He seems so cheerful and carefree that it almost makes you wonder if you had hallucinated this whole interaction. But by the time you spin around to talk to him, he's already gone. But even from the shadows he can see the way your flushed face and wide eyes search the room for him, hand over your heart as if you could will your heartbeat to slow. He's certain you must be feeling a sense of whiplash from the drastic change in demeanor and he watches as you lean back against the shelves, holding the book and shaking your head a moment.

“I feel like I'm going crazy…” He watched you mutter and it only made him smile more. So his actions were effective after all. You were just trying very hard to be respectful and polite to him since you knew his nature so well…an endearing gesture that just made him want to sink his claws even deeper into you. 

Knowing his actions affect you just emboldens him further. When you share coffee the next morning with him and the two of you chat, tucked away in whatever room seemed to strike your fancy that day, he notices you seem to be avoiding his eyes, your head tilted down.

He tuts a moment, putting his coffee down and using one claw to tilt your head upward to face him, using his other hand to brush your hair away from your face to stop obscuring his attempts to look at you.

“There we are. Much better.” He smiles brightly at you, even as he sees the crimson rush to your cheeks. He lets his hands linger a little longer than needed before he releases you and picks his coffee cup back up again, as if what he's done wasn't abnormal in the slightest.

“A-Alastor…?” He hears you ask tentatively, and he thinks his patience is finally going to pay off.

“Yes mon cœur?” He asks, tilting his head to the side in an innocent manner that is a laughable contrast to what you know of the radio demon's legacy and reputation.

“I..” He leans forward slightly, eager for your expected confession, his eyes drifting down to your throat as he watches you swallow thickly from nerves.

“...I…n-nevermind. I…forgot what I was going to say.” You eventually give up and his shoulders slump just the slightest bit in disappointment although his smile doesn't falter, although it is strained.

“...No worries. When it comes back to you, I've always got an open ear available for you.” He assures you, although inside he sighs. How can he make you crack? He wants to make you crack before he does, to maintain that illusion of control and so you don't realize the power you possess of how much he could give you if you only asked. He's thinking again, a peaceful quiet settled over the both of you as you each are lost in thought over your individual predicaments.

Perhaps…he could distract you from your date, maybe even ensure you miss it anyway, and perhaps see him in a less…platonic way at the same time. He could simply…take the place of this undeserving date of yours. 

“...You know…I had heard there was a new jazz club that had opened up recently, and I know no one else here has enough taste to appreciate the music appropriately so I wouldn't want to take any of them.” He uses his free hand to wave off the notion before you can even suggest it. 

“Perhaps I could take you with me? Perhaps I can show you how well I bet we could cut a rug together? It's been quite some time since I've gotten to enjoy a dance with a worthy partner.” He says, putting particular emphasis on the last word, eyes partially closing as he makes sure to look at you with a more seductive gaze to further entice you.

You always respond to his compliments so well, a nervous fidget, perhaps a bite of your lip as you think of how to respond, and of course that cute little blush he was quite fond of by now.

“That…” You swallow again, opening your mouth a moment as if searching for words before you continue speaking.

“That sounds…lovely. Just…let me know when to be ready.”

This time his grin is more reminiscent of a spider watching a fly heading right into its web as he gives you all the details needed of when and where.

When the time officially comes, he's delighted that you show up in the lobby at the appropriate time for a few reasons. It meant you were going to go, was the most obvious reason. But the second reason was that unless this idiot wanted to take you dancing on a Sunday night…you probably broke your date with them to be with him. A fact that certainly makes his ego puff up as he takes your hand and kisses it, a routine that feels almost natural now.

“My…I'll be the envy of everyone there with this beauty on my arm…” He chuckles, smiling wider when he sees that tell tale blush spread down to your neck as you stumble over a ‘thank you’. He offers his arm to you, which you politely take as if he were escorting you anywhere normally. Him initiating contact, even if it was small, was also beginning to feel more natural to you both, even if it was small touches.

He can tell by the way you act that you can sense this is different from other friendly outings you two had been on. Good. He was beginning to doubt his abilities to charm for a little bit there. Perish the thought.

There are also, admittedly, things that he has begun to notice are different as the night goes on as well. Had he always been able to feel how warm your hands were or had he just never noticed? It's easier to notice now as he twirls you around to the lovely jazz band playing up on stage, hand never letting yours go entirely as the two of you dance.

He's also glad to see those pesky nerves of yours finally seemed to be wearing off and you were relaxing with him again, like you had before he began attempting to quietly pursue you. Your smile and laugh were far more carefree and jovial as he dips you, arm wrapped tightly around your waist to keep you from falling before he tugs you back up to continue.

With you relaxing, he finds himself mirroring that demeanor and he's overall less anxious and tense, and much less focused on ensnaring you. Now he was just…having fun. No planning. No ulterior motives. Just having a good time. It's actually quite nice to enjoy the feeling in the moment.

There are a few brief moments where you tense, for instance when his face comes just a little too close to yours, and he can tell you're clearly wondering if he'll close the gap or if you're just imagining things that aren't there. Or when he gives a particularly sultry gaze and accompanying grin as he pulls his lovely dancing partner closer when the distance between you two becomes greater than he wants.

But overall it's an absolutely lovely night and once you've both had your fill you step off the dance floor, Alastor taking a moment to check the time and grinning deviously to himself. It was far too late to meet with up with whoever your date had been, and his ego is admittedly fluffed knowing he was the one able to distract you so thoroughly, as it should be.

As the two of you sit down at one of the tables in the corner, each grabbing a drink from the bar first, you're still laughing with absolute glee over the wonderful night so far.

He enjoys picking your brain as he sips his rye, head resting gently on his free hand as he nods and agrees and puts in his own two cents on this new jazz club. It feels delightfully normal and cozy. While he does quite enjoy flustering you and watching you flounder…he had missed these easygoing conversations he couldn't really seem to have with others. You had been walking on eggshells around him this week, and he didn't realize how terribly he missed this type of interaction with you until now.

It's only after awhile he pretends to check the clock and feigns shock before turning back to you.

“Oh dear! I hadn't realized how late it had gotten. I hope you didn't have any other plans I might have ruined.” His chuckle is easygoing, thinking he knows the answer but wanting to hear you say it anyway. He wants to hear you say you chose him, instead of him just silently knowing.

But you just shake your head, grin still plastered across your face before you take a sip of your cocktail.

“Nope! This was my only plan tonight and I couldn't imagine anything better!” Another delighted laugh from you as confusion crosses his own face immediately.

He cocks his head to the side a little bit, trying to determine if you're lying or not. Although he has never known you to lie to him before…

“Really? It's not nice to lie to me. I thought we were close. No prior commitments to anyone broken to be here with me tonight? No silly little paramour trying to steal away your attention?” He puts emphasis on the word, putting his drink down and using that hand to gently grab your chin and tilt your head up to look him in the eye so he could analyze your expression more acutely. He doesn't mean to say the word ‘paramour’ with such disdain, it simply creeps out into his voice.

But now you just look confused as well as you look up at him.

“No…? I mean. I told Husk about this place and mentioned wanting to go this weekend to check it out. But I didn't say I had anyone in mind to go with me. If anything I was going to ask you, knowing this is your kind of place.” You answer carefully, unsure what the correct answer is supposed to be, and he freezes, hand on your chin tightening almost imperceptibly as the gears begin to turn in his mind.

There's a soft flare of radio static interference that sounds from him that makes others nearby give him more room than they had previously.

You, however, are unafraid. You've become too close to him to really fear he would do anything bad to you. Right now you're mostly just concerned for him and this odd behavior.

His hand drops away from your face, as he takes another sip of his rye, taking that time to collect himself and think of his next course of action.

He should have known better than to trust one singular source of information without double checking…damnit. He had been so wrapped up in his stupid newfound jealousy that he hadn't even stopped to ask Husk if he was absolutely positive that's what you said. He thinks the idiot must have misheard you, and he foolishly accepted it at face value.

But the wheels are turning in your head now too, mouth falling slightly agape as your eyes widen, an outlandish possibility entering your mind that claws at your curiosity so desperately you can't stop yourself from blurting it out.

“...Alastor…Were you trying to stop me from going on what you thought was a date?” You ask, and the excited anticipation in your voice could not be mistaken even though you did try to hide it.

“Of course not.” Is what comes out of his mouth immediately as he pulls away defensively, his ears flattening slightly, two things you pick up on. He's unaware how hard your heart is beating right now as you try to summon the courage to speak your next thought, part of you still thinking it so impossible you shouldn't even bother asking.

“...Are you…jealous over the idea of someone dating me?” You inquire curiously, quirking your head to the side and snaking one hand across the table and taking his hesitantly, unsure if you're crossing some invisible line. You're unsure if you're just firing a shot in the dark and he'll laugh at the notion. But somehow the atmosphere feels far too heavy for him to joke about something like this. It's felt heavy like this all week and you wanted to know why.

But the question just has him put his drink down a little more harshly than he meant to. But he doesn't pull his other hand from yours, the touch a little soothing to him as he deals with his scattered thoughts.

“No.” He says concretely while looking you in the eye, as if daring you to suggest otherwise.

But you still aren't convinced…not with how he had been acting this past week, and this new knowledge. Perhaps…you could try and be a little bold? Perhaps test the waters yourself?

“...That's a shame. I wouldn't have minded if you were.” You state quietly, his ears almost straining to pick up the sound of your voice over the music. Your gaze is pointedly looking away,  unsure you would have had the courage to say the words if you had been looking directly at him.

You startle and look back at him, specifically at his hand holding yours because his grip has become noticeably tighter. He's moving closer again, to the shorter distance he had been before he pulled away and you swallow thickly, wondering if you had made a mistake.

His voice is low, and you can oddly see conflict present in his eyes, as if he was warring over what decision to make.

“...and if I say I am?” His voice is heated and almost husky as he speaks, looking you directly in the eye again as he leans even closer now, his face mere inches from yours now.

You're struck speechless by this admission, not even dreaming of that response actually being a reality, and your voice is stuck in your throat as you scramble for a response. Your breath hitches slightly as all you can do is stare at him a moment trying to process this as he waits for your answer, unreadable in this moment.

Your other hand is shaking as you bring it up to rest on his cheek, watching him close his eyes a moment before opening them again as he leans into the touch. It gives you the courage to speak that thought that feels almost too silly to put out into the world.

“...I…I would say you have no reason to be.” You're leaning just the smallest bit forward, as if to silently give permission but not wanting to take that first step yourself and cross his boundaries without permission. 

It just made him adore you more.

He bridges the distance, eyes closing as the hand not holding yours is placed on the back of your neck to push you closer, to silently assure you this was no accident.

He can feel your hand gripping his tightly now in response and he can't help but grin into the kiss as you begin to reciprocate once the shock has worn off, lips moving against his with an eager hunger before eventually parting. There's something almost tender in the way he grips your neck, that makes you melt into the kiss with him with ease.

He has to admit he's definitely a fan of this look of yours. Wide eyed, breathing a bit hard with a flushed face and slightly parted mouth as you gazed at him. He wants to see it again.

“...Good. I'm not the type of person who does well with jealousy I've discovered.” His voice is chipper and normal, as if he hadn't just taken your breath away for a moment. Just the whiplash of going from one side of him to the other has you laughing as you lean back, the hand that was once on his face now covering your own.

“...I'll keep that in mind.” You grin, spreading your fingers just enough to peek out at him. 

Further discussions could wait until tomorrow of course, of boundaries and labels and everything that comes with it. But for now this is enough. His cards are on the table yes, but yours are laid bare for him to see as well. So he relaxes again into his seat, leaning back but not taking his hand back from yours before looking at the dance floor again.

“...Do you feel like dancing again mon cœur?” He asks, already tugging your hand up to bring you with him. He's eager to dance with you again without having to pretend his intimate and more romantic touches were accidental this time. He hears you giggle before taking another sip of your cocktail and then you're tugging him down to be eye level with you. 

“I'd love that, mon amour.” You teasingly breathe into his ear, and you're rewarded by this time getting to see his breath hitch instead of it always being you. You may still not know what he's been calling you, but everyone knows that term of endearment, and there's an almost sinful sense of pride that you were able to pull that type of reaction from him, and now you're even more eager to dance with him again, to find out what else you can see that no one else has before.

You think you understand all the teasing touches he gave you that left you wanting all this week, probably trying to test the waters and bait you into confessing yourself, you can likely guess now. If this is how he felt seeing you react all those times you couldn't blame him.

Perhaps it's only fair to begin to repay him for those tormenting whispers and touches, you think as you two step onto the dance floor, your hand placing itself on his chest before slowly gliding up further and then over his collarbone to rest gingerly on his shoulder for support, your fingers digging in slightly to the flesh of his back. It's hard to tell in this dimly lit lounge but you swear there's a tinge of red to his face, and it just further strengthens the hunger you feel when he growls softly and leans over to whisper to you.

“Tread carefully my dear. I have every intention of approaching this courtship as a gentleman. Do not make that impossible for me to remember…”

Taglist: @zzzykiek @alastorthirsty @sirens-and-moonflowers

[cripplecharacters]

Hi! I’m working on an original character project that I want to include a lot of casual representation in (“casual” meaning that the characters don’t need a justification for being disabled/fat/POC/etc, they just are because people can and do exist that way in reality!)

I was wondering if you had any suggestions for finding resources for drawing facial differences(and maybe other visible disabilities), especially in a cartoony style. I’ve looked through the Facial Equality Week tag but would like to see more examples, and since my art is so… goofy, for lack of a better word, I would love any help I can get in integrating differences without being offensive or upsetting.

Sorry if this is a bother, and thank you for all that you do!

Hi!

I'm not aware of any guides for drawing facial differences specifically (or at least, good ones. There's 1 billion tutorials telling you that scars are just a Singular Line, always, but that's not... correct), but perhaps someone in the notes could help out?

For my own advice, you could check out this old post I made. Because you mentioned your art being cartoony, I would specifically urge you to not overexaggerate facial differences the way they often are. Prime example would be how a lot of cartoons portray strabismus;

It's just a funny gag to them rather than, IDK, how some of us look like. Not to mention that one of these is also a mockery of intellectually/developmentally disabled people with "Derp" in the name, but that's beside the point here.

It's the whole "the character is crazy/stupid/wild/whatever and that's why they have it" that's the problem with how it's often shown. You can also see it in how characters who don't even normally have it will be shown with it for a scene where they're saying something nonsensical, etc.

Another example that's nowhere near as rampant is the like... split-face thing with various facial differences being used. Mostly vitiligo but sometimes also facial palsy. I'm talking about this weirdly perfectly halved face that looks extremely different on each side, often used to signal that a character is two-faced or that the author doesn't know how vitiligo looks like.

[note: vitiligo also shows up on lighter skin. I wanted to make sure it's visible here for tutorial clarity purposes.]

This one is just weird because it straight up doesn't look like that? I have no idea where it came from, but it should go back there. Facial palsy doesn't make someone look like the antique comedy/tragedy theater mask.

Unless I'm forgetting some other annoying cartoon trope, these would be the big ones that you should stay away from.

Outside of that, it's really on a case by case basis on how a specific FD should be drawn because they're so different! A birthmark can just be a differently colored patch of skin, but a craniofacial difference would require some more changes to be included. Alopecia is well, lack of hair, and can be done very easily but ectrodactyly can be more complicated to show properly because of the limitations of a cartoony artstyle when it comes to hands. And while I do think it would be great to see more of those facial differences that tend to not be included in art at all, there's nothing wrong with deciding to go for the things you can represent more faithfully, especially if you're just starting.

I will say that if you're making an honest attempt at being respectful and trying to get it right, most of us will still be excited to see your work. Even if it's not perfect or has some inaccuracies. I will take a "'yeah more or less' correct with a happy, human character" over a "Very Technically correct but tagged as #tw burns and with blood splattered on them" any day.

Lastly, I wanted to share some art featuring characters with facial differences (and other visible disabilities) that are done in a cartoony, or at least somewhat simplistic artstyles (I'm using both terms very widely here, but like. Not Realism) - maybe it will give you some ideas!

Man with Treacher Collins syndrome (also one of the first pieces online where I saw a character with an FD portrayed in such a lovely way! A fav of mine) Girl with Pfeiffer syndrome Too many characters to count! Woman with burns Woman with a limb difference Multiple characters again Animation featuring people with Down syndrome [youtube] Multiple characters, including a girl with neurofibromatosis, a burn survivor, a girl with a cleft lip and another with TCS! [twitter]

If you have a more specific art question ("how do I draw a person with XYZ facial difference?") you can send me an ask on @saszor! I prefer to stick to the writing theme on this blog but would still like to help if you need it:-)

Hope this helps!

mod Sasza

Edit: apologies for the lack of alt text on one of the images, it has been fixed!

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오랜만입니다. 얼마 전 11주년이었는데 정신없다는 핑계로 짧은 글 하나도 못 남겼네요. 허허허 한 달 전에 컴백투미, 3주 전에 RPWP가 나왔죠. 작년 4월에 호석이와 함께 입대하려던 계획을 미루고 미루다 동생들과 손잡고 나란히 들어가게 되었죠. 23년은 그렇게 술과 작업으로만 보냈던 것 같아요. 친구의 병장 약장이 부럽지만.. 그래도 후회는 없답니다. (ㅎㅎ;) 제가 이런저런 소회를 직접 들려드리지 못한 첫 작업물이네요. 하고싶은 말들이 많지만 앨범에 모두 적혀있으므로.. 그저 오롯이 저 스스로 솔직하고자 발버둥친 앨범입니다. 오래오래 두고두고 읽어주시면 좋겠어요. 부디 3일 전에 진 형이 드디어 전역을 했죠. 저 재밌자고 색소폰도 가져와서 불었지만 실은 만감이 교차했습니다. 먼저 가서 많이 외롭고 힘들지 않았을까.. 어땠을까. 1년 6개월은 여기 누구에게나 공평하니까요. 저희는 지금 형의 과거를 살고 있는 중이겠지요. 오랜만에 나와보니 역시 바깥의 시간은 다르게 흐르는군요. 중력도 다르게 느껴지고.. 다들 내 부재와는 상관없이 잘 살아가고 있구나. 잘 흘러가고 있구나. 다소 헛헛한 기분도 들지만, 무엇보다 정말 오랜만에 멤버들이 모두 모여 한 잔 하며 허심탄회한 얘기들을 나눌 수 있어 좋았답니다(군대 얘기가 절반 이상이었지만..ㅋㅋ). 무려 근 열 달 만인 것 같아요. 왜이리 이 사람들이 보고싶었는지.. 저도 종종 전화해서 다짜고짜 안부나 묻곤 했었어요. 진 형이 늘 얘기하곤 했었어요. 멤버들 엄청 보고싶다고. 너희도 그럴 거라고. 뿔뿔이 흩어져 강원도 어딘가에 살아보니 사무치게 이해가 돼버려요. 막상 얼굴 보고 얘기하니 그래도 변하지 않는 것들, 내가 돌아와야 할 곳, 내가 어떤 사람이었는지도 다시 깨닫게 되고.. 우리 모두에게 의미있는 소중한 시간이었어요. 또 어디쯤 헤매고 있을까요? 내년 12주년에는 다들 어떤 얼굴을 하고 있을까요 그리워서 그리고 그려서 그리워요. 벌써 열 한 해입니다. 또 한 해를 손꼽는 일일 뿐이겠지요. 먼저 여러분의 품에 안긴, 안길 진 형과 홉이에게 뒷일을 부탁합니다. 아직 많은 분들이 저희를 잊지 않고 기다려주고 사랑해주신다는 것만 깨닫고 가요. 쏟아지는 사랑. 늘 그랬듯 그저 멤버들 여러분 생각하며 또 하루하루 잘 지내볼게요 사랑합니다. 고맙습니다 다음 초여름을 기약하며 남준

Hello, It’s been a while.

It was our 11th anniversary a while ago but, using the excuse that things have been really hectic, I wasn’t able to write even a small post. Hahaha

Come Back To Me came out a month ago, and 3 weeks ago, so did RPWP. Last year, after pushing and postponing my plans of enlisting with Hoseokie in April, I held hands with the younger members and we headed in together. And so 2023 went by, spent entirely with alcohol and work. I am jealous of my buddy’s sergeant patch but well.. I have no regrets. (hehe;)

I think this is the first time I’ve released something and not been able to talk about things directly with you. I have a lot to say but it’s all been written into the album so.. the album is purely the product of my fight with myself to become more honest. I hope that you keep reading it, over and over, for a long long time. It is a sincere, heartfelt wish.

Three days ago, Jin hyung was finally discharged. I brought along my saxophone and played it to be funny but honestly, I had a lot of complicated emotions running through me. Being the first to go was probably really lonely and difficult.. What was it like? That one year and six months treats everyone here equally. Now, we are probably living hyung’s past.

Out in the world for the first time in a while, I realised that time outside really does flow differently. Gravity feels different too.. everyone’s been living their lives regardless of my absence, doing well, flowing along nicely. I felt a little empty but, more than anything else, it felt great to get together with the members after a really long time and have a heart-to-heart over drinks (though more than half the conversation consisted of military stories.. haha). It had been nearly 10 whole months since we did something like this. Why did I miss these guys so much.. I did call them sometimes, randomly, asking them how they were doing.

Jin hyung did always tell us that he missed the other members a lot, that we were going to feel the same. Now scattered apart, living somewhere in Gangwondo, I understand it, it resonates so deeply. Actually talking face-to-face, I was reminded of the things that remain unchanging, the place that I have to return to, the person that I was.. it was a meaningful, precious time for all of us.

Where else will we be wandering? What expressions will we wear on our faces next year, on our twelfth anniversary? Missing you makes me picture you, and by picturing you I miss you more. We’re already in our eleventh year. All we have to do is just count one more. I entrust the future to Jin hyung and Hobi, who have been and will be the first to be embraced in your arms.

I’m taking back with me the realisation that there are still lots of people who haven’t forgotten about us, who are waiting for us. An outpouring of love. As always, I’ll try doing fine, day by day, thinking of you guys and the members

I love you. Thank you Until early summer next year, Namjoon

Trans cr; Aditi @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

[enchantressiren]

❝𝐏𝐀𝐂: 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐟𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐬𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫. 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐜𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭, 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟.❞

How can you improve your sex life?

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Pac Summary!

⭐ How to improve your sex life?

⭐ When will the improvement happen?

⭐ Guidance.

Moodboard | Divider | Header | Question: @hzive, thank you.

Pile I

How can you improve your sexual life?

The hanged man and three of pentacles.

I need you to figure out what you want in life. What are you striving for? What goals do you have in mind but push to the side for pleasure? Sex isn’t everything; sex isn’t short-term satisfaction. There is more to it. Sex is about intimacy and finding solace with it despite who it is with. Sex is about finding what you like and how your body reacts. It’s beautiful. You need to find things that make you happy. This pile keeps having sex with everyone because they are lost. You do not know what you want. You need to take time with yourself and understand who you are. Learn to be comfortable with you. Learn to have patience with who you are and as you become horny, masturbate instead. You cannot keep seeking sex with everyone else if you cannot even pleasure yourself. Some people cannot masturbate because they do not become turned on by themselves. Some of you are service tops; despite this, try it out. At least become in tune with what you actually want and allow other people to take control. A lot of service tops need to serve, so start to serve yourself. Treat your body like a temple. Take time off when it comes to one-night stands, and maybe learn what you truly need. 

Intuition tells me that you need to allow people to come into your life instead of shunning them away. Allow love to come your way, service tops, and those who mean well to make you feel happy. A lot of you guys focus on the negativity of life; instead, transform those past experiences into wisdom for yourself. For example, a lot of you self-sabotage because it’s easier for you. You are aware of it, but removing it is incredibly hard without support, so become your support person. Take baby steps as you heal, and stop being hard on yourself. You already become anxious when you do this and then sabotage yourself when something good is coming. But it’s the same, no? You still have the anxious thoughts, so remind yourself this, ‘’when you have anxious thoughts and want to sabotage, don’t. Let it come through, all the feelings of myself sabotaging are the same, it’s still the scared and sinking feeling. Why should I allow myself negativity when I can earn something beautiful?’’ 

When does this improvement happen?

Temperance and page of cups reversed. 

The improvement can only happen if you want it to happen. We cannot help those who do not want to be fixed, the same logic applies here. Combining both cards, the temperance and page of cups reversed, the improvement happens after something negative appears in your life. This could be you becoming self-aware after this reading, a situation occurring in your workplace, someone in your family becoming sick, someone dying—something negative. Either way, whatever it is, without it, this improvement cannot happen. You can try to improve without it occurring, but you will relapse into the same cycle once more. This reminds me of 999. 999 is associated with the end of something, a cycle, a chapter in your life, etc. You are going to embody 999 after this occurs. When it does, be patient with yourself and don’t push away the change, embrace it. I hear some of you say, ‘’easier said than done.’’ Yes. Yes, it is. It’s simple. We humans make things complicated because that is what we were taught, and yet there are people who become rich by doing nothing. Don't make your life complicated; embrace the change and go slow as it comes to you. As you heal, allow your knowledge to help you out, and if you need to find someone to talk to, then do so. Doesn’t matter who, as long as your gut feeling says they are trustworthy, then that is what matters. But allow yourself to listen to their advice if you believe it will help, and don’t gaslight yourself if you don’t follow them. Follow what you believe is right, follow what your gut feeling says. I know you follow your heart, I feel it, but sometimes our intuition says otherwise.

Any guidance needed?

Three of wands. 

Find things that gave you a sense of purpose in your past. Often, we ignore the past for change, it’s too heartbreaking to remember, or it’s something that doesn’t appeal to us. There is something in your past that will help you improve your sex life but also your life in general. Allow your mind to relax with everything that is going on. Some of you have coping mechanisms around animals, like horseback riding, some of you worked on the farm or have grown up with that. It was a fulfilling thing, so allow yourself to wander around that. Allow yourself to be around a farm area or go horseback riding, and if you can, take lessons. Work at a farm if you can, or volunteer there. As for the rest, allow yourself to do what kids do if they grew up in a healthy environment. They do things as they please without allowing others’ judgment to shun them. So some of you want to do something ‘’childish’’ but are afraid of others’ judgment, but don’t be. We are always going to be judged, no matter what we do. We can protect someone and get blamed, we can help someone but get ridiculed and called naive. But at the end of the day, if we do something that we like then that is what matters. Your own interests should matter, not what others say. If you have a thing for watching cartoons, but someone sees it as childish, then ignore what they think. Cartoons are fun to watch, hell, I love watching Scooby Doo. Do you find that childish? If you do, then you have to work on your inner thoughts, and if not, then see? So all you need to do is allow yourself to be happy again and stop seeking sex for pleasure when everything you need is your past and what your gut feeling says. Find a healthy coping mechanism instead of sex, and make sure it benefits you in the long run. 

Masterlist ♡

Pile II

(Tw: vague mentions of rape and sexual abuse. Please take care of yourself and do not read if you aren’t ready. When you are, I recommend you read it since it’s a meaningful message for you). 

How can you improve your sexual life?

Ace of wands.

There isn’t much for you to improve in your sexual life. You already enjoy yourself in moderation, either with a friends with benefit or your lover. I feel a commitment included in this pile, so it’s possible you have a fling with the same person from time to time. You are successful when it comes to this because you prioritize yourself. Ace of wands is focused on success in all aspects, so I was wondering why you needed this reading until I felt a lack of healing. 

You guys have sexual trauma that occurred at a young age, but you never healed from it because of a lack of resources. Some of you tried to heal but stopped because you became triggered. Some of you tried going to a therapist but found nothing because you were invalidated. What you went through is valid and was always valid. 

So I need you to be extremely gentle with yourself when you do heal. I am aware of those who have fwb; emotional connection isn’t supported in the relationship, but I do feel that you are close with them. Try speaking to them about it because intuition says they could never judge you for it. With your partner, you feel disappointed in yourself if you were to speak about it; you believe that if you did, they could never love you. But that’s fear, it’s not the truth. Intuition tells me and the ace of wands tells me, that when you do tell them (this is for everyone reading this pile), it will be successful because they all know you weren’t in the wrong, what you went through is painful, as no one should have gone through that, and they want to be there for you as you heal. 

Ace of wands always symbolizes a new opportunity to grow from, use this as an opportunity for yourself as you walk into something unknown. Sometimes the unknown can be scary, but without fear and feeling uncomfortable, you will never reach your highest potential. 

When does this improvement happen?

The lovers and seven of cups.

 When you do decide to tell them what happened to you during your childhood and close to your teenage years. The storm you allowed to destroy your ship (not being raped, or sexually abused, loves. It’s when you allow your anxious thoughts to drown you in fear and self-hatred that you will finally be able to sail into a calm ocean with a beautiful sunset. Intuition tells me all you need is to tell them what has happened, even if it takes you time or you must plan it out. Doesn’t matter, go with the flow and allow your inner child to speak for themselves. Which means, whatever comes from your mouth and you cannot control it as you speak; it is your inner child protecting and helping you throughout this journey. 

The lovers indicate that once you do tell them, the change will appear, but with the seven of cups, it will take 7 months. Meaning, once you mention it to them and they help you. I see someone comforting your energy as they caress your hair and smile so endearingly towards you. But after you say it, once 7 months have passed, you will feel at ease and will be healed. However, I do hear 8–9 months also being a possibility. This is dependent on whether you decide to plan out what you will tell them, but I do recommend letting your inner child say it for you.

Any guidance needed?

Two of cups reversed. 

Two of cups reversed confirm what I said. This card focuses on balancing out your life and not allowing unhealthy relationships to be your main focus. Also, there is a lack of harmony in your life.

Intuitively speaking, this is about your reoccurring trauma and nightmares appearing to you when you are feeling happy. I see someone reading a book outside on their balcony, sipping their drink and smiling to themselves as they read. But their minds become foggy, and their hands start to shake. Their minds scatter to a dark scene with the same ship metaphor I spoke of. The ship crashes and everything breaks apart, and then the person’s shadow drowns in the dirty and gloomy ocean. So this isn’t self-sabotage since some of you have been concerned with it; it’s based on unhealed trauma surrounding your heart and soul. When someone doesn’t heal from their repressed emotions or trauma, it causes pain in our bodies, so that’s why you've also been having back or wrist pain. Another thing my intuition tells me is that you must take baby steps as you heal. This is crucial if you don't want to relapse. A lot of you have been hard on yourself as you healed because of your grandparents, but I need you to treat yourself as you would with your pets. You treat them with so much love, so do the same with yourself.

A lack of harmony comes with that, but with balancing. Try eating the foods you have been procrastinating on. I feel that a lot of you won't have coffee in the morning because it’s bad, and that is fine. But try tea instead, lavender tea is good for the nerves, helps with sleep, makes you happier, and helps with skin. Don’t add any sugar. I know the taste isn't the best, but you do eat healthy as it is, so this may help calm down those thoughts that occur. And I know you have tried to control them but you have lost it, so try doing something that soothes you. Don’t use porn or social media as a coping mechanism; same with music. In moderation, it’s fine, but I would like to see you do something that benefits you in the long run. 

Studies show that exercising in the morning boosts your mood, helps your body, and improves productivity. Start adding exercise to your daily life and think of it as a privilege. And for those who already do it, try doing it in the morning if you can, and if not, when you do it at night, make sure you drink lots of fluids but not so much because that can cause kidney problems. And for those of you who are disabled and cannot do it, I know some can do it, but if you cannot. Then you can do upper-limb strength training, aquatic exercise, or isometric exercises. Or even chair cardio.  Caroline Jordan has workouts focused on chair cardio. She is always encouraging and uplifting, so I recommend using her videos. If you click on chair cardio, I have linked a video you can use.

Masterlist ♡

Pile III

How can you improve your sexual life?

Knight of wands.

Honestly, a lot of you don’t play around with your kinks. I am hearing some of you are into pee kinks, while some of you like creampies. I also hear restraints and a wedgie kink. A lot of you feel embarrassed about this because it’s not a topic spoken about when it comes to kinks. So instead of exploring it, you ignore them and go vanilla. Sure, creampies and being restrained with handcuffs, ropes, or scarves are talked about a lot in the BDSM community, but it's rare to hear about chains. So the idea of being different scares you—following societal norms is easier because there is no judgment. Let go of these judgments, and please explore your sexual kinks. Everyone has different kinks for a reason; kinks are meant to be experimented with. How do you think they were made to begin with? All I can say is that I don’t care what your kinks are; I care if you enjoy yourself during your sexual acts. 

Knight of wands is about daring adventures and self-assured confidence. Use this card as a goal in your life to achieve it. Being a bold person or self-reliant can be a struggle in the sexual department. I'm sure the idea of even giving yourself a wedgie, allowing someone to pleasure you with creampies, or chaining you up scares you. But at the end of the day, it turns you on. Right? So why let those fears stop you? Judgment is everywhere. I have gotten judgment on @sefinaa because my higher self post was harsh, but who cares? I believe fear can eat us away, drown us in quicksand, you name it. But we have to ignore those thoughts and speak our truth. So I did that and kept the post, and now it’s your turn to do the same with this. 

I hear, ‘’what if I cannot find someone like that?’’ Yet my intuition says you won’t allow yourself to find that. Allow your movement and your body to do the work for you as you follow along. This is all about focusing on your gut feelings. Trust them. They mean well. 

When does this improvement happen?

Five of swords and high priest. 

This is your confirmation of fear and pushing past your boundaries as you explore your kinks. Five of swords is focused on conflict, challenges, and communication. You lack communication with your sexual self. Do not feel embarrassed as you explore your sexual needs. It’s a beautiful thing. I truly believe that once you explore them, you will feel more connected to yourself and your soul. Learn to communicate with those you have sex with. For those who have a lover, do not be embarrassed to mention what kink you have. Give them time to process the information; do not allow their facial expression to dictate what they say. Remember, this is about focusing on your experience and projection, so time is always needed. Those who have non emotional relationships like a master, owner, flings, or fwb—keep in mind that you need to make sure you actually enjoy having sex with them. A majority of you do it because you are forcing yourself to like their kinks. I keep hearing, ‘’cum on your face or swallow my spit.’’ So, don’t force yourself to swallow their cum or them cumming on your face. You obviously hate it, and you shouldn't do something that causes you distress. It’s your body, your rules. You should be the one in control when it comes to your body, and I am not referring to pets/subs. I am speaking about what you do with your body because boundaries can be set. Remember to focus on what makes you happy during sex or when you masturbate with yourself. But I am not picking up masturbation within this pile. 

The high priest isn’t giving me a specific time for improvement. So this depends on what you do with this pile. It depends on how you want to approach this. Because the card focuses on inner wisdom and focusing on your intuition rather than always being rational when making decisions. There isn't anything wrong with being logical, but using your gut to make decisions for yourself is better. Intuition knows best, and logic can only do so much; the same is true of following our hearts. So all I can say is that once you decide what you want to do, everything will follow, like a group of ducks or baby chicks. 

Any guidance needed?

Ace of pentacles. 

There isn’t much guidance needed since I mentioned everything you needed to improve. However, all I can say is to make sure to set your intentions for yourself. For example, if you wanted to tell your fling or your lover that you wanted them to indulge in your chain kinks, then go ahead, but make sure that’s something you want to do. Try to be present with what you actually want and need instead of daydreaming about the things you want. Meaning, listen to your body and what it wants. So if your body doesn’t want chains but instead desires blindfolds, then speak about it to yourself first. Give yourself consent first rather than the other person, and once you feel comfortable, tell them. People always give consent to other people, but midway through the session, they realize it's not what they wanted. So you are going to stop that cycle and instead teach yourself that your consent matters most. The ace of pentacles symbolizes new beginnings and opportunities in the material world. But this reading isn’t about that, so with your energy, it’s about the sexual and mental world. Once you have accepted what your true kinks are, learn about them so it doesn't hurt your body, and give yourself the consent you need. You will start to see new people coming into your life who are interested in the same kinks. Because what you accept and want will come into your life; in simple terms, our thoughts create our reality. What you think you deserve is what will come into your life. So that is why self-pitying yourself will not lead you anywhere other than a rabbit hole of misery. Focus first on self-acceptance, and everything will follow.

Masterlist ♡

Pile IV

How can you improve your sexual life?

Knight of swords.

Woah, okay. You guys are very reckless when it comes to your sexual lives. You will try out different kinks out of curiosity and once you don’t like them, you keep acting on them. You love to have fun with your sex life; the thrill is intoxicating, but even so, fun things can become poisonous. I feel adrenaline in my body right now; this is your energy. Hyperness is evident too, so I hear you guys may suffer from ADD/ADHD or BPD. Either way, calming your mind becomes hard because your mind is scattered. Ironically, as I was shuffling your cards, Scatterbrain by Emei appeared. As I was saying, your mind is drifting from one topic to another (like mine is), and calming it down makes you feel dizzy. So instead of focusing on the anxious thoughts of calming down, learn to be okay with how your mind is. Then you can start taking deep breaths as you calm your mind. Intuition tells me there are people who have antisocial personality disorder, or ASPD. And having sex doesn’t feel like anything to you, it’s just there. The idea of a sexual life bores you. 

So for everyone reading this pile. Instead of having sex or touching yourself constantly, take a break. Take a long ass time from this and learn to understand what you really want. Do you honestly want to become hyper-fixated on sex and the kinks you do just because of the adrenaline rush? Do you honestly want to have sex just to feel something or to trigger your abandonment fears? What exactly are you seeking from your sexual life? 

Confirmation: ace of pentacles and seven of wands reversed.

There is a defeated and disappointed feeling lingering in the pit of my stomach. I have a dissatisfied feeling, and I feel incredibly bored as I do your reading. But this is how you feel. You are incredibly bored with everything you do, so excitement is what has become fulfilling. For those with antisocial personality or ASPD, the thought of pleasing someone’s bores you despite the front you put on. You cannot even get orgasms anymore because everything is the same, so change up your routine. Those with ADD/ADHD and/or BPD, explore the kinks you actually loved or liked and start doing it with your lover(s), flings, etc.

I mentioned scatterbrain and hyperness with your pile. Everyone here is chaotic in their own way. Even for those who appear calm, your mind drifts away to something else. Allow yourself to find things that keep you focused. Going from one topic to the next is not an issue, but try to figure out what makes you feel at peace. Intuition says to do something with cooking, baking, or making experimental alcoholic beverages. The experimentation can feel fulfilling for your inner child, but keep everything in moderation. 

Wow, as of right now, I feel complex energy with each of you. Despite you all having different mental health issues, you all struggle with the same thing. There is a lack of fulfillment. Sometimes people will show gratitude for food or when they buy themselves something. Sometimes it’s seeing a beautiful sunset or enjoying their favorite music. Either way, try adding a gratitude mindset to your life. The idea of showing gratitude first is boring because you aren’t aware of what you are grateful for until you keep at it. 

When does this improvement happen?

As I mentioned, despite all the mental health issues you have, you’re all struggling the same. I shuffled three cards, and their theme is in a forest. They have the same theme and vibe, yet every one of them is different from the other. This is all of you.

Ace of cups, the empress reversed, and king of pentacles. 

All three cards are of a higher being or authority in their world. Which means you all have a superior complex, a hero complex, or believe you are better than everyone else. Each card is for each mental disorder, so let’s start.

ASPD (Antisocial personality disorder)

Ace of cups.

Alright, loves. You are struggling with the idea of intimacy and love. There is never any passion when it comes to your sex life with other people you sleep with. It’s always the same shit, sex, and barely any aftercare before disappearing. Intuition says, ‘’learn to give them aftercare when you take control. Sure, you aren’t obligated, but it will show you an understanding of intimacy and what love really means. The idea of letting go of that hero or god complex and helping someone you fucked can help reduce all of those unwavering thoughts you ignored.’’ When you see the world in gray and boring colors, everything around you becomes worse, and you feel things are darker than they appear. Learn to understand how you put yourself out there, and start to understand that it’s okay to be empty sometimes. Accept that part of yourself, but show compassion to other people even if you won’t gain anything from it. It doesn't hurt you if you help someone; maybe it affects your pride, but pride can be our downfall sometimes. So learn to balance your pride and the itch you have when you help someone. Remember, you aren’t disgusting or weird if you help someone without expecting anything in return. Not everything should be a game; learn to let go of that concept and show compassion to yourself and others. Once you do this, in a span of 1-4 months, you will be able to heal that void in your heart and feel more satisfied with the world around you.

BPD (Borderline personality disorder)

The empress reversed.

Why are you confused about what you want with sex? You already know it, so why do you stop yourself from experiencing that joy? I mean, you know what kinks you like. You aren’t scared, in fact, you’re chilling as it is. So what really makes you stop? I hear that you have overprotective parents, and you cannot always sneak out, or when you do, it doesn't end well. So going out at night or in the evening makes it easier for you, but you encounter weird people and weird situations. And this has caused you to believe in the paranormal, so you bring it up as a conversation with the people you sleep with, but they give you disgust or find you to be crazy. Either way, it bothers you because you're being authentic with everyone, but no one is doing the same. Then you wonder why you cannot find the right people, but have you thought about looking in the right places? Intuitively speaking, find people you know first. Find their interests and look for friends with benefits. Because this world is shallow and no one truly focuses on authenticity, the fear of vulnerability lingers. So first, thank you for being true to yourself, and I'm very proud of you. Second, when making friends, make sure they are interested in friends with benefits because consent is crucial, but also for you not to waste your time. The empress reversed is about imbalances in relationships and impatience. Learn how to forgive yourself for your past and other people. But remember, forgiving someone isn’t about forgiving them for what they did to you; it’s about letting go of what they did while respecting yourself in the process. You no longer have the thoughts, the thoughts don't eat you alive, and you relieve a big weight off your shoulders. So in reality, you aren't actually forgiving them per se; it’s for your benefit and for you to move on and then finally find these people. Make sure to remember that you are worthy of having someone to have sex with and enjoying each moment with them, even the intimacy you crave when it comes to aftercare. Even though it can appear to be an emotional thing, I mean, to some people, it is like it is with me. But it’s important for the both of you to be taken care of, so make sure that when you do aftercare, you take turns and balance it out. Fair play is always important during sex. For you to find the person you have been looking for, you need to learn more about yourself. What are you actually seeking? Do you truly want a fwb, or is it actually a lover, but you are afraid of commitment? Does the idea of emotional aftercare scare you, or does it intrigue you? Are you okay with sharing (one-night stands, masters having other pets or subs, or fwbs), or do you prefer to have one person? Are you interested in a polygamous relationship, or does that make you uncomfortable? Once you understand these questions and fully grasp them, then look for that person. It’s not truly about looking but allowing your intuition to drag you along. Eventually, you will just know when you find them and let them know what you want from them. If it’s a date, let them know and stay authentic with yourself, so if you prefer to wait it out, then wait it out, and if not, go for it. And if it’s a fwb, be up front with them immediately and see where that leads you. Because intuition says they were looking for you—like red strings on your wrist, a soulmate story. You will meet them in 8 months.

ADD/ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder/Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder)

King of pentacles.

Right off the bat, I feel doubtful, confused, and dizzy. That’s obviously how you have been feeling, so you use thrills as your coping mechanism. And you know you are hurting your body or that you have a higher risk of pregnancy, but the idea of going back to those thoughts scares you shitless. So here is what you're going to have to do to heal. Find kinks that make you interested and make your body feel amazing. Let your lover know that you are interested in food, pet play, or something to do with a gag, and/or choking. Tell them what makes you aroused, and stop faking your orgasm with them. Authenticity is important during intimacy; it’s all about trust, and faking it is breaking that trust. Make sure you protect yourself during sex if it’s not with a lover, because I do hear, ‘’taken advantage.’’ So don't go for fake successful men with suits, regardless of your gender. They are snakes. ‘’How am I going to know?’’ is what appeared in my mind. Intuition. Your intuition will tell you so. Do you feel a sinking feeling or a sour taste? That’s when you know. The king of pentacles is all about succeeding. Tarot wants you to succeed in life and find what you're looking for. The cards encourage you to create the life you love. What kind of life do you love? What truly makes you happy? What makes you happy with your lover? What makes you excited to wake up with a bright smile on your face? Focus on shadow work and understanding the sexual part of who you are, and accept them as such. As for when the healing will happen? During the fall season, intuition says it is possible for it to appear at the end of December. This is a timeless reading, but intuition also says, ‘’you need to actually work on it. It cannot come to you like abracadabra. Healing takes a lot of work, do not half ass it.’’ Make sure you actually focus on healing this, and understand that a thrill can also be your demise. And please, take care of yourself as you have sex with strangers. I want you to be safe because I hear that you have encountered bad situations with people. So please take care of yourself, thanks. 

Any guidance needed?

Take a break before you all do this. Breaks are important; it’s all about balancing what you want and coming to terms with whether this is what you really need. Not want. Sometimes we want things, but they're not for us or aren’t part of our lives or our higher selves' paths. And sometimes we struggle to understand why, so take this into consideration when you doubt if the situation will occur. All of you need to learn how to trust your intuition. Your intuition knows best and means well. Do not see them as enemies; they want to help, but you must allow them to help you. 

Judgment. 

The judgment card is about spiritual awakening, transformation, and absolution. Absolution is about releasing guilt and forgiving. It would appear you are all on your journey to a spiritual awakening. It has not happened yet, but after the timing I listed, it will happen. And damn, it will be so fucking scary but so worth it in the end, I promise. The journey is scary because there are so many ups and downs. And there are so many roller coasters that can cause you to cry and wonder why you deserve these pains. But once you become healed or learn to heal, you understand why, and that is what makes you fulfilled and appreciative. This is why healing is so beautiful and should be protected at all costs. 

So, what guidance do you need? Not much. Just focus on what I said about improvement because it was done individually. Other than that, new people will be coming into your life to teach you many lessons. So use those lessons to learn things about yourself, and do not push away those lessons. Lessons help guide us through life; if a situation is reoccurring, then you are missing something. For example, if you are always helping people, but they fuck you over. Learn to understand that it’s because you do not prioritize yourself and focus on other people’s needs. And understand that people come and go; do not stay in the past or hold on to them. Thank them for their time, or the lesson they give you internally or not, and heal from it as you let go and forgive them. 

Remember, this is all a big decision for yourself, so do not rush it so much, but do not plan it out so much either. Balance it and keep an open mind as a lot of changes appear in your life. 

Masterlist ♡

[utilitycaster]

I’ve long noticed and previously commented on the odd fandom antipathy towards characters like Suvi of Worlds Beyond Number and Jonas Spahr from Midst; and simultaneously a far, far more generous approach to outright villains like Will Gallows, many of the witches, and Moc Weepe.

I’ve also commented on the favor and endless forgiveness shown villains before, and to get it out of the way, yes, a lot of this is due to horny reasons, and as someone who does not identify personally as a monsterfucker this might be part of my lack of interest. But I think it would be unwise to chalk this up entirely to people wanting to fuck the villains, and given that Suvi and Jonas are both extremely attractive as well it’s certainly not the whole picture.

Suvi and Jonas are born into and achieve positions of privilege - military/political no less - in imperial societies. They are both explicitly indoctrinated. They are not, in my opinion, brainwashed; but they are driven into who they become through competition.

I think a lot of people are really uncomfortable with characters shown to be complicit in and favored within this kind of society. I think Spahr and Suvi occupy a space that they find too close to home; too close to what they themselves are. A villain validates one’s beliefs: Weepe is ruthlessly self-interested, driven by profit, and terribly violent, and so it’s easier to be comfortable with him, ironically enough, because the story tells you he’s a bastard and you can feel good about clocking him as a bastard, and even like that this character is on a meta level telling you that you’re right in your beliefs.

Suvi and Jonas and those like them don’t permit you that validation. They participate in these harmful systems while believing it to be the right thing to do. They are also young people who grew up knowing little else, with unfathomably high expectations placed upon them. They are flawed, with no shortage of harsh edges, but they are also frequently kind and generous people who are incredibly important, as they currently are, to characters one might find more sympathetic. They are deeply human. And they are both the beneficiaries and the victims of a vast and complicated system. You cannot fit them into the box of a “stripped of choice” victim even though both have found themselves backed against a wall by their respective societies. You cannot avoid that the dissolution of their society would have devastating consequences, even if it might be right (which Midst directly explores; I suspect the Citadel might not be a thing to be dissolved). And while many people do so, one cannot in good faith and intelligent analysis treat them as nothing more than a shipping doll who needs to be programmed to become a mirror of the “correct” character of one’s choosing without ignoring who they are and what they bring to the table: a political savvy, a great deal of talent and intelligence, and a desire to embody the best parts of their respective flawed societies.

As Midst reaches its denouement, one of the core messages is that a harmful society is still one comprised of people: some upholding it, some actively furthering it, and some just living within it. While Worlds Beyond Number is nowhere near its end, Brennan Lee Mulligan’s body of work upholds a similar message; that one cannot lose sight of the personhood of people, even those involved in messy and damaging systems, and that people must be judged with that in mind. Suvi and Spahr are not cogs to be wrenched free and corrected, but characters to appreciate in their complexity. It is a shame that so many reject them in favor of those who consistently choose to do harm because it is less difficult and challenging to think in terms of Good Guy/Bad Guy.

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

the longest damn late night phone call from heaven EVER

aka, Emily has a slightly gruesome favor to ask, Charlie's determined to be good and helpful friend, and Vaggie was only half-right about people not recognizing her without her exorcist mask

Charlie: “…not exactly what I expected, when dad said heaven wanted another chat.”

Emily: “I know, I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to bother you at home-”

Charlie: “It’s fine. Kinda late for a video call but, hold on.” (slips into hallway) (quietly shuts bedroom door) “It’s important right?”

Emily: “It’s… it’s important to me.”

Charlie: “Well that counts! What’s up? Uh, aside from literally you, anyway.”

Emily: “Before that, is your girlfriend- is Vaggie okay?”

Charlie: “She’s.”

Charlie: “……”

Charlie: “…fine.”

Emily: “There were a lot of bandages.”

Charlie: “Oh. Those.”

Emily: “I wasn’t trying to look, but when you were going past of bed, I just. I’ve never seen one of us like-”

Charlie: “Um I don’t think she’d really like the ‘one of us’ part. Just a heads up.”

Emily: “I’ll remember. Will they heal? Lute’s arm already has, and she said angelic steel is what- what killed that first Exorcist-”

Charlie: “Some of them- Some of them will heal, Vaggie says.”

Emily: “And the others?”

Charlie: “They’ll… probably be like her eye, I guess. The bleeding will stop.”

Emily: “Her eye-?”

Charlie: “Did you know Lute gouged it out with a sword? Right before leaving her in hell?”

Emily: “She- No! Why would she-”

Charlie: “So you didn’t know what Vaggie was when you saw her. You didn’t know what Lute and Adam did to her-”

Emily: “Charlie I SWEAR I had no idea. The Exorcists- other than Lute they keep those masks on almost all time, even up here! I could have walked past Vaggie a hundred times without knowing it!”

Charlie: “….that’s what she said too.”

Emily: “Vaggie?”

Charlie: “Mm.”

Emily: “Why ask me then? She told you and you trust her… right?”

Charlie: “It’s, complicated. And not the point.”

Emily: “Are you two okay-”

Charlie: “Not the point. What can I help heaven with tonight? I’d, kinda like to get back to bed before she wakes up.”

Emily: “Sorry, of course, I just don’t want you two to have more trouble…” (sighs) “…but I guess I’m not the right person to help am I. Not with, all this.”

Charlie: “I don’t blame you for what Lute and Adam did. Or for Sera letting them do it.”

Emily: “It still makes being friends hard, doesn’t it?”

Charlie: “…a little.”

Emily: “I’m-”

Charlie: “But! I’m not gonna let them stop us from doing it.” (determined) “Screw heaven- I wouldn’t have answered the phone if it’d been anyone other than you calling from up there anyway! Well, you or Sir Pentious.”

Emily: “I’m so, SO glad he made it here. ”

Charlie: “Me too.” (smiles) “You need help with something? Tell me. If I can do anything about it, I will.”  

Emily: “Oh it’s nothing like that, it’s just… a question.”

Charlie: “Okay?”

Emily: “….”

Charlie: “….”

Emily: “…I’m a little scared to ask.”

Charlie: “That’s okay! I know the feeling! If it helps, I promise I won’t get angry or annoyed just over you asking something!”

Emily: “Thanks. That’s. Not really what I’m scared of.”

Charlie: “Well what parts the scary part?”

Emily: “The answer.”

Charlie: “...huh.”

Emily: “I’m not sure I want to hear it, honestly.”

Charlie: “But you called in the middle of the night so you could ask?”

Emily: “Yes.”

Charlie: “So you DO want to know.”

Emily: “It feels more like I have to know.”

Charlie: “Okay…. uhh. What… kind of question is it?”

Emily: “The battle. The, dead Exorcists.”

Charlie: “Oh fuck. Shoot- Is it about the bodies? Because I’m REALLY sorry again about letting the cannibals uh, eat them. I’d kinda. I’d promised them- the cannibals I mean- and, um. They lost a lot of friends too so-”

Emily: “No that’s fine. It’s, it doesn’t matter much once they’re dead does it. S-someone should get to be happy about the fresh. Um. Meat.”

Charlie: “Ssssstillll, I wish I could’ve sent them back-”

Emily: “Did you see-?”

Charlie: “-whoops sorry, go ahead.”

Emily: “….”

Charlie: “….”

Emily: “….”

Charlie: “Ah-hem. Go ahead?”

Emily: “…”

Charlie: “Aaaaany time now…”

Emily: “…”

Charlie: “….Look, Emily-”

Emily: “I know I’m sorry I-”

Charlie: “No no! I really wish I had all night for this. Really! I wanna be the friend who sits up until four in morning talking- and any other time I would be!”

Emily: “I know.”

Charlie: “Only I also really, really don’t want Vaggie waking up alone tonight. Not after we, after I- I can’t do that to her right now, okay?”

Emily: “…yes. Okay.”

Charlie: “How about this- you call back in the morning, we settle in and-”

Emily: “Did you see an Exorcist that didn’t fit in?”

Charlie: “-uhhh, what?”

Emily: “An Exorcist.”

Charlie: “I mean, yes? There were dozens! Pretty hard to keep count when you’re fighting for you-”

Emily: “But was there one that didn’t fit in?”

Charlie: “Fit in what where- oh ugh Angel Dust get OUT of my head-”

Emily: “With the others. The other Exorcists. Was there one in the fight that, didn’t quite look right? Caught your eye for some reason?”

Charlie: “Don’t they all kinda look the same?”

Emily: “Yes. Mostly.”

Charlie: “Bloodstained uniform, horned mask, weird crossed out eye and stitched mouth aesthetic thing, scary black and white wings-”

Emily: “Did the cannibals eat the wings?”

Charlie: “The w-”

Emily: “The wings of the dead Exorcists. Did they eat-”

Charlie: “Emily- those are feathers. The cannibals ate the meaty parts sure, but-”

Emily: “So you could still check. If. If any of the Exorcists who died. If they had strange wings.”

Charlie: “I guess, I-”

Emily: “Charlie. I need you to check.”

Charlie: “What-”

Emily: “I just need to know-”

Charlie: “But-”

Emily: “-please-”

Charlie: “Hey it’s okay, I’ll check! I’ll check first thing tomorrow!”

Emily: “Promise?”

Charlie: “Of course! It’ll be easy, don’t worry! Vaggie saved the wings from all of them. I’m not sure what for- some kind of funeral I think- or target practice- funerary target practice? Is that an angel thing…?”

Emily: “We don’t….really have those in Heaven. Funerals.”

Charlie: “Oh. Right.”

Charlie: “…”

Charlie: “Must be nice.”

Emily: “I’m sorry.”

Charlie: “No- that came out wrong. Forget it! So the wing thing is just a Vaggie thing or something. Anyway. Checking the wings. Nooooo problem. CAN do.”

Emily: “Thank you. And. And you’ll just tell me about it? Not anyone else in heaven?”

Charlie: “Sure! Is it a secret?”

Emily: “No.”

Charlie: “Buuuut you don’t want Sera finding out.”

Emily: “I’ll tell her later. When I’m… Once I’ve…”

Emily: “…”

Charlie: “Oh Emily hey- it’s okay! Shh, it’s okay!!”

Emily: “I don’t know if it is.” (voice breaking) “Sera won’t let me near the Exorcists and Lute won’t answer any questions about them- I don’t know who else to ask or if I really want to know, but I can’t sleep, and if she didn’t die down there then I NEED to find her somehow and ask her HOW she could’ve been doing this! Murdering people, killing souls-”

Charlie: “Whoa wait, ask who? What am I even checking the Exorcist wings for?”

Charlie: “… Who…who are you looking for?”

Emily: “I don’t know her name. We never met.”

Charlie: “You seem to really care about her, for someone you’ve never met.”

Emily: “Because she was DIFFERENT! She-”

Emily: (looks away)

Emily: “…she’s part of why I never questioned the Exorcists. She. I thought she was proof that underneath masks, they meant well. That they were strict and distant but also protectors, and they cared, and…”

Charlie: “…and now you know what she was doing the whole time.”

Emily: “She CAN’T have been. You shouldn’t be able to be so kind and gentle and still-”

Charlie: “People can be a lot of different things, to different people.”

Emily: “How?”

Charlie: “That’s just… what makes people, people, I think. We can all do things we never thought we’d do.”

Emily: “Exorcists kill children don’t they. Child sinners- they don’t spare them, do they?”

Charlie: “They don’t really DO the whole ‘sparing’ thing. Not in the Pride Ring. Only my dad’s family is safe from exterminations- or was safe. Kids… if they don’t have anyone, or if their families can’t keep them safe, then…” (shudders) “…yeah. I’ve. I found the bodies a few times.”

Emily: “How… how can they-”

Charlie: “I don’t know.” (tired) (slumping back against the door) “They just do.”

Emily: “She can’t have done that! That’s the ONE thing I know about her- she LOVED children. Falling in line and being a good Exorcist didn’t matter as soon as a child needed her!”

Charlie: “Well- well maybe she wasn’t one of the ones who… hurt kids. Maybe she didn’t do that.”

Emily: “But she must have seen it happening. Known it happened. And she didn’t stop it.”

Charlie: (wince) “T- tell me about her? The parts you saw up in heaven, her being nice to those kids- that happened too! What was she like?”

Emily: “…watchful.”

Charlie: “A guardian angel huh?” (smiles weakly) “I think I know the type.”

Emily: “She should’ve been that. She shouldn’t have-” (sighs) “…Exorcists keep to themselves, up in heaven.”

Charlie: (grits teeth) “If they’re mostly all like Lute then that’s probably the only way to keep heaven a nice place.”

Emily: “Lute isn’t… well I guess I don’t really know her either. I always thought she was just paranoid, busy being overprepared, scared for heaven and channeling it into anger…. maybe she is that? Maybe she just-”

Charlie: “She tried stabbing out Vaggie’s other eye.”

Emily: “….”

Emily: “A lot of things make sense now, knowing what she and Adam were doing.”

Charlie: “Like keeping the Exorcists separate?”

Emily: “That, and the identical uniforms, the masks… the constant, BRUTAL training and practice.”

Charlie: “Building trust in a warzone….”

Emily: “What?”

Charlie: “Nothing- How did any of them get near a kid, if that’s what it’s like?”

Emily: “They didn’t. It was an accident.”

Charlie: “Now THAT’S depressing.”

Emily: “I guess so..”

Charlie: “…”

Charlie: “So. What happened?”

Emily: “Oh… some children were testing their wings. Just out having fun, you know. A few flew out of sight- their friends tried looking for them, but there are parts of heaven not everyone can always reach.”

Charlie: “There is? Why-”

Emily: “Heaven’s supposed to be a peaceful, happy place. An eternity of rest and recovery- It’s supposed to be safe. To be safe, Sera always said the Exorcists needed to be ready to defend it, and they needed space to not always be happy or peaceful.”

Charlie: “They always seemed pretty happy about not being peaceful, not gonna lie.”

Emily: “They get really into training with each other- but do you mean, even during the exterminations-?”

Charlie: “ESPECIALLY then.”

Emily: (frustrated) “I wish things would stop making so much sense!”

Charlie: “Same.”

Emily: “It was right there all along, and I didn’t see it!”

Charlie: “I mean, they really didn’t want you to.”

Emily: “And how many people are dead because of that?”

Charlie: “It’s not your fault… And it’s not all bad.” (weak chuckle) “Vaggie likes it better down here. The one upside to finding out old secrets is how it can make things better- she makes much more sense now too.”

Emily: “In good ways?”

Charlie: “In… in kinda silly, kinda sad ways.”  

Emily: “Silly is good.”

Charlie: “Yeah…”

Emily: “Sorry. I won’t pry. I’m just listening- passively- if you want.”

Charlie: "It’s nothing super personal or secret, just that, I get why she likes high places and open spaces when she needs thinking time. Not like the view’s amazingly great down here, so I always wondered… All those times finding her on roof tops or the hotel’s crow’s nest."

Charlie: "I asked if staring at heaven's light was a moth demon thing once and she just shrugged, but the angel thing makes so much more sense and she's terrible at lying if I'd just ASKED-”

Emily: "Now you're sounding like me."

Charlie: "URGH right- good things, good things are- when she's up there, I know now she's either cursing heaven or hating herself."

Emily: "... is there a better good thing? Because that's..."

Charlie: "Now I can HELP her. With that."

Emily: "That's a good thing, yes."

Charlie: "She doesn't have to walk around all the time being scared of me finding out and getting angry or hurt, I DID find out and I WAS angry and and hurt, and it was fine."

Emily: "Well..."

Charlie: "Okay fine, not fine but BETTR. It IS better."

Emily: "..."

Emily: “...your hotel has a crow’s nest? That must be perfect for her.”

Charlie: “What? Oh, yes. She loves it...”

Charlie: "Shit even her HAIR makes so much sense now."

Emily: “She’s grown hers out- I’ve never thought about an Exorcist with long hair- it’s very pretty.”

Charlie: “Pretty, fun to play with, but she leaves it loose even when all the swooshing annoys her. It gets in the way of her trying to stab people."

Emily: "I bet we could find a metaphor in that."

Charlie: "I guess it’s kinda like wings though? The weight and having something cover her back like that.”

Emily: “Wings are… not just that. Wings are pretty different.”

Charlie: “Long hair was probably still better than nothing though. I wonder if she’ll cut it now? Or just keep it in the ponytail?”

Emily: “What do you mean?”

Charlie: "Well, short hair is easier to take care of, right? Plus she seemed to really like having it out of her face during the battle, even after getting her wings back-”

Emily: “No, wait- Getting them back? She’s an angel, doesn’t she have- hasn’t she always had….”

Charlie: “No she… They didn’t mention that either, did they.”

Emily: “What did they do.”

Charlie: “One guess. And one guess who ‘they’ were.”

Emily: “Lute. Adam leaves- he left almost everything that actually needed doing to her.”

Charlie: “Well this time the thing that needed doing-”

Emily: “They took her wings.”

Charlie: "It was more of a ripping action? Tearing?? Wrenching- No, ripping sounds right- Ripped them off and left them on the ground next to her. Vaggie had to stuff them in a dumpster before any sinners saw them and mobbed her.”

Emily: “….”

Charlie: “M-maybe I shouldn’t have said that part.”

Emily: “It’s fine. Important to know.”

Charlie: “But Vaggie only just told ME about it, and now I’m blubbering it out to you- fuck. Forget I said it? Please?”

Emily: “You should talk about it with someone who isn’t her, Charlie.”

Charlie: “Not like this though! Not with-”

Emily: “An angel. Someone from heaven.”

Charlie: “-not with someone she isn’t even friends with yet.”

Emily: “Thanks for the ‘yet’ part. I hope you’re right about it.”

Charlie: “I will be. But um. Until then…?”

Emily: “All I know is she didn’t have wings and now she does again. No specifics.”

Charlie: “Thank you.”

Charlie: (clears throat) “You, uh. You were telling me about YOUR Exorcist.”

Emily: “Right. Her and children. The ones who wandered off-”

Charlie: “-onto the one place in heaven that isn’t sunshine and rainbows and fluffy clouds of happiness, right right.”

Emily: “It was a bit of shoreline Exorcists use for live battle training.”

Charlie: “Yay fun?”

Emily: “Where they, they practice tearing each other apart with their bare hands-”

Charlie: “Oh!”

Emily: “-weapons aren’t used for it, don’t worry! None of the children were in any real danger!”

Charlie: “But they SAW it!?”

Emily: “From a distance… not, not close enough to get splattered by blood….”

Charlie: “Oh wow that’s SO reassuring!”

Emily: “Except for one of them.”

Charlie: “How the HECK didn’t anyone notice there were kids around before starting that stuff!? Didn’t they CHECK-”

Emily: “The Exorcists are very used to being left alone.”

Charlie: “STILL!”

Emily: “I know. I was so angry at first- I didn’t show it, the other children were already hiding under my wings after I’d gathered them up. They didn’t need me getting mad too.”

Charlie: “Didn’t wanna to scare them?”

Emily: “Watching the Exorcists was scary enough.”

Charlie: “I’m trying SO real hard to imagine a happy ending for this.”

Emily: “It’s there, don’t worry. See, one of the children had wandered further than the rest, and was just standing there, frozen. Staring up at.. all that.”

Charlie: “That doesn’t sound happy.”

Emily: “It was so frustrating! I couldn’t get to them without bringing the others even closer too! Some of them could barely move they were so frightened- I tried calling up at the Exorcists, asking them to stop, but they either didn’t hear me or ignored me-”

Charlie: “FUCK that’s just-”

Emily: “But then-”

Charlie: “….”

Emily: “One of them left formation.”

Charlie: (smiling) “Yeah?”

Emily: “She came swooping down, all soaked in blood- not hers, I don’t think. She didn’t look hurt. She landed right in front of the child."

Charlie: “Oh covered in BLOOD that must’ve been, er, something.”

Emily: “It wasn’t great. Poor thing was so scared under her shadow I thought they’d cry.”

Charlie: “Wouldn’t blame them.”

Emily: “Me neither. Those masks… but’s it’s funny, you know, how much a small thing can change everything else.”

Charlie: “She wasn’t as scary as her mask, was she?”

Emily: “No. She was, awkward. I saw her do a little wave and kneel down- later they said she’d talked with them, asked if they were hurt and where their home was.”

Charlie: “Normal stuff.”

Emily: “Strange for an Exorcist. Then she- she offered to take them home. She was still all spattered with-”

Charlie: “Blood. Ew.”

Emily: “I didn’t know what was going on when it happened, I just saw the Exorcist stand up and march right into the sea, right into the waves! She come out clean enough but also. Well. Also sopping wet and a bit um, a bit less scary looking."

Charlie: "Heheh."

Emily: "A lot less scary looking. A little pitiful looking?”

Charlie: “Like Husk after the champagne bottle incident!”

Emily: “Like who?”

Charlie: “Oh our bartender. Long story- but I’ve seen sad and bedraggled wings before. I’d LOVE to see them on an Exorcist!”

Emily: “It was pretty funny. And she didn’t seem to mind the child laughing at her either. If anything I think she made more of a show of shaking herself dry and fluffing up afterwards, once she heard them giggling over it.”

Charlie: “Aww~! She didn’t wanna scare them either!”

Emily: “She was silly. I’d never seen an Exorcist being silly before. The other ones watching didn’t seem to like it. They’d finally stopped fighting and looked like they were muttering to each other… Lute, Adam, even Sera, they're really strict about not having Heaven's army mixing with the rest of Heaven...”

Charlie: “But she- the silly exorcist- she didn’t care.”

Emily: “If she did, it didn’t stop her.”

Charlie: “Did she take the kid home herself then? Once she wasn’t covered in. Uhh. Blood.”

Emily: “She did. The other children were so jealous!”

Charlie: “Jealous??”

Emily: “After she helped wipe off the, the blood spatters on them, she scooped them up and just rocketed into the sky.”

Charlie: “Ohmygosh that's so FUN! Angel piggyback rides are the best!”

Emily: “It looked like it. Exorcists train and practice, and their wings are strong- I knew that but I still don’t think I’ve ever seen someone move like that in the air. Like she was dancing.”

Charlie: “Vaggie says fighting and dancing have a lot in common.”

Emily: “She does?”

Charlie: “Mm-hmm. And if SHE’S any example, then I bet plenty of the Exorcists would be GREAT dancers too! If they bothered not killing people long enough to find out, that is.”

Emily: “If. Right."

Charlie: “…”

Charlie: “….Vaggie stopped. She was, she used to- and it took time but, she stopped.”

Emily: “And Lute cut out her eye for it.”

Charlie: “I don’t think she regrets losing it. Or- it was worth it to her? She.. sometimes it’s almost like she feels like she deserved it.” 

Emily: “I hope not. It shouldn’t have happened, it didn’t help anyone.”

Charlie: “No. It really didn’t.”

Emily: “They probably used her as an example of why no one else should do that.”

Charlie: “…well… maybe your Exorcist will still think it’s worth it?”

Emily: “Maybe. If she’s not dead.”

Charlie: “R-right.” 

Emily: “And she’s really not mine. I don’t even know her.”

Charlie: “You know enough to care.”

Emily: “To care about someone who might not even deserve it? How does that help anyone-”

Charlie: “EVERYONE deserves to be cared about.”

Emily: “Even-”

Charlie: “Everyone. At least to the point of caring if they’re dead or not.”

Emily: “… you’d make a great angel, Charlie.”

Charlie: “HA! I’m not sure that’s a compliment anymore but uh. Thanks?”

Emily: “I meant it more that, if Sera and Lute and Adam had been more like you, then none of this would have happened. Or if you’d been up here, you would’ve stopped them.”

Charlie: “Ehhh… I kinda think if you couldn’t manage it, I wouldn’t have either..? Definitely NOT alone and not without-”

Emily: “You started the hotel! You had to go against so many people to do that-”

Charlie: “-okay yes but we only JUST got that going. And I only could do THAT because I had…”

Charlie: “…”

Charlie: “It’s easier, with someone who believes in you.”

Emily: “Like a partner?”

Charlie: “Yeah.”

Emily: “A girlfriend.”

Charlie: “….yeah.”

Emily: “And it’s late. I’ll let you get back to her.”

Charlie: “It’s probably okay. She was tired and, she’s a pretty heavy sleeper once she actually falls asleep. You can usually tell when she really conks out because the snoring-”

Charlie: “-oh fuck oh no no no not again DON’T TELL HER I SAID THAT EITHER!”

Emily: “I won’t.” (giggling) “Although I might’ve heard it earlier.”

Charlie: “Fuck. Shit! FUCK!”

Emily: “But I swear on all six of my wings I won’t breathe a word. I also don’t know what happened to you guys- other than a huge traumatic revelation followed by an actual battle for your lives-”

Charlie: “That was a thing, yes.”

Emily: “-but I really hope you two are okay.”

Charlie: “Oh we will be! Weirdly enough, we’re better off now than we were before, even!”

Emily: “Lots of new things you can finally talk about?”

Charlie: “SO many.”

Emily: “Heh. Good. I’m glad something turned out okay from all this.”

Charlie: “And I really hope at least ONE more thing can turn out okay. For you, specifically.”

Emily: “We’ll… we’ll see I guess.”

Charlie: “First thing in the morning. I promise.”

Emily: (breath in) “Okay….” (breathe out) “Thank you.”

Charlie: “Any time. Or, no problem. Or- not that I WANT you to need help identifying bodies again anytime soon, I just meant…”

Emily: (laughs) “I know, Charlie. It’s okay. And it’s also really late. Good night.”

Charlie: “Good n- oh hey wait, Emily!!”

Emily: “-yes?”

Charlie: “What AM I looking for exactly? With the wings.”

Emily: “Oh- You know how Exorcist always those two stripes on theirs? The black bands on their feathers, the undersides.”

Charlie: “Yyyyep, yep. Now that you mention it…”

Emily: “She only had one.”

Charlie: "......"

Charlie: “…one… wing stripe?”

Emily: “It’s how I noticed her at first.”

Charlie: “That’s, that’s rare among Exorcists, huh?”

Emily: “She was the only one with wings like that, I think. Every few years I’d catch sight of her following behind Lute and Adam with a few others, trailing them through the actually populated places in Heaven for once, in full Exorcist gear.”

Charlie: “Well if she, if they were masked, maybe it wasn’t always the same person-”

Emily: “It was. She was easy enough to spot even without the wings, once I knew what to look for.”

Charlie: “Which was…?”

Emily: “She was the only one who’d wave back at the children who waved at her.”

Charlie: “…”

Charlie: “…oh.”

Emily: “Sorry. This is, a pretty depressing thing to go back to sleep after, isn’t it? Try to have some good dreams okay?”

Charlie: “I- I will. I’ll try. Um, you too?”

Emily: “I’ll give my best shot, if I can sleep. Thank you again, Charlie. Night.”

Charlie: “Good night..”

-call ends-

Charlie: “……..”

Muffled voice: “….charlie?”

Charlie: “SHIT!” (bangs head on door) (slips back into bedroom) “I’m here, I’m right here- no no no don’t sit up-!”

Vaggie: “What’s wrong?”

Charlie: “Nothing! Just a phone call. Please lay back down?”

Vaggie: “Something happened. Everyone okay?”

Charlie: “Everyone’s fine- Emily calling for a small favor that’s all- Vaggie c’mon, we just got it so your ribs weren’t getting pressed on…”

Vaggie: “Emily.” (alarmed) “Did Lute try something? Did Sera-?”

Charlie: “NO. Nothing happened to anyone! Now, SIT!”

Vaggie: (sits)

Vaggie: “Something’s wrong.”

Charlie: “Well my girlfriend happens to be one half broken bones and other half tenderized meat and won’t stay still, so THAT’S not exactly great!”

Vaggie: “…..”

Charlie: “…….”

Charlie: (sits too) “…Emily wants help checking the dead Exorcists. She might’ve known one of them.”

Vaggie: “Shit.”

Charlie: “Yeah..”

Vaggie: “But, knew one? How would she know any of us?”

Charlie: “Well…”

Vaggie: “She’s a seraph. The only Exorcist who goes near the higher ups is Lute.”  

Charlie: “Right but, just because you never met her doesn’t mean…”

Charlie: (sighs)

Charlie: “It was a LONG talk. Tell you tomorrow?”

Vaggie: "I guess... If you promise to be my pillow and lay down for a while instead of just pacing some more, then yeah, I can wait.”

Charlie: “Okay not fair- I was taking a call!”

Vaggie: “Your hoofbeats were tip tapping through my dreams long before then, babe.”

Charlie: “Motherfucker.”

Vaggie: (chuckling) “Sleep, sweetie.” (drags them down)

Charlie: “Hey don’t act like that wasn’t MY line a moment ago!”

Vaggie: “A moment ago all I knew was something was wrong and you were sad. Now I know just the usual shit is wrong, and you’re dead tired.”

Charlie: “Guess you’re not wrong there…”

Charlie: “….Vaggie?”

Vaggie: “Hmm?”

Charlie: "Do you.. like Emily?"

Vaggie: "Like her? The one not asshole angel up in heaven? She got all fired up with you about the shit unfairness of hell and stuff. What's not to like."

Charlie: "That's not the same as you actually liking her though."

Vaggie: "Hun, we've barely met. It's not like I went on the heaven tour with her."

Charlie: "Buuut.. maybe you'd like to get to know her?"

Vaggie: "Do you want me to get to know her."

Charlie: ".... I just wish there was some part of heaven that... wasn't bad for you."

Vaggie: "Hey, it was heaven. Murder soldier cult thing aside, if we're just talking personal comfort or whatever, it wasn't the worst thing in creation."

Charlie: "Wow what a stunning review! Other than the psychological trauma, it was great!"

Vaggie: "It wasn't that bad. Just you know. Comparatively."

Charlie: "Comparatively?"

Vaggie: "To this. Being here like this, with you."

Charlie: "Hmph."

Charlie: "...."

Vaggie: "..."

Charlie: "... you asleep?"

Vaggie: "Almost. But it feels like you have another question before you're ready for sleep."

Charlie: "You don't have to answer this one."

Vaggie: "Me not answering is kinda what fucked us over before."

Charlie: "It's different now. We can wait until you're ready."

Vaggie: "I'm ready. Ask."

Charlie: "....okay."

Charlie: "Um..."

Charlie: “Was. The sinners you killed-”

Vaggie: “Murdered.”

Charlie: “Murdered, okay. Okay. Were they. Were any of them… kids?”

Vaggie: “….”

Vaggie: “Once.”

Vaggie: “Almost.”

Charlie: “…almost… so, that was the time you stopped.”

Vaggie: “Yes.”

Charlie: “Okay. Because it was a kid?”

Vaggie: “I don’t know.”

Charlie: “What d-”

Vaggie: “I don’t know what I mean. It doesn’t. I don’t think it matters. Charlie- not killing one time isn’t the same as… never having killed.”

Charlie: “I know- I mean, I get that-”

Vaggie: “It doesn’t fix anything, or make anything better.”

Charlie: “It doesn't have to! We’re working on that part together. With the hotel.”

Vaggie: “It's not your thing to have to make up for.”

Charlie: “My home, my people, my friends and my girlfriend. Mine mine mine. And you feel better now you’ve stopped, don’t you?”

Vaggie: “Feeling like a less crappy person also isn’t the same as feeling better.”

Charlie: “It’s not?”

Vaggie: “Thinking you’re a good person, a hero even, is a pretty great feeling. Finding out you’re murderer sucks.”

Charlie: “You ARE a good-!”

Vaggie: “Charlie. Please?”

Charlie: “….”

Charlie: “What about when I hug you?”

Vaggie: “… hard not to feel lucky as hell, then.”

Charlie: “Good” (hugs) "Me too."

Vaggie: “Kinda hard to hug back while I’m lying half on top of you… Would a wing snuggle be alright?”

Charlie: “It won’t hurt your ribs??”

Vaggie: “No. I could use a stretch, honestly.”

Charlie: “Then gimme the floofies!”

Vaggie: “Yeah?”

Charlie: “GIMME GIMME~”

Vaggie: "Floofies at your service." (wings go floof) (snuggles one over charlie) “I’m glad they came back.. different.”

Charlie: “With the gray?”

Vaggie: “Mm. Thoughts?”

Charlie: “GRAY-t! They go WAY better with your hair now!”

Vaggie: (chuckling) “Nice. Girlfriend approved."

Charlie: "And it's lucky we ARE girlfriends, or else your pretty wings would have girls FLOCKING to you!"

Vaggie: "Right." (SNORTS) "Night, Charlie.”

Charlie: “If you’re wishing me goodnight to try stoping the wing puns, please know there’s more where that came from! I am in no way winging it here.”

Vaggie: “I figured.”

Charlie: "I really do love your wings, Vaggie."

Vaggie: "Really helps they don't look like they used to."

Charlie: "Hmm. Is the anything other than the color different?"

Vaggie: "... Isn't that enough?"

Charlie: "I don't mean it like that! It's just, well, they only have one stripe on them, and the other exorcists-"

Vaggie: "They were like that before. Sorry."

Charlie: "Vaggie I don't NEED them to look different. I'm just, curious!"

Vaggie: "Uh-huh."

Charlie: "Really! Did any of the other exorcists have-?"

Vaggie: "No."

Charlie: "None of them? Ever?"

Vaggie: "Not since I took up vanguard duty. Or since. Looks like Lute got rid of the position after I- after getting rid of me. Now they just all stream down into hell all at once. No one scouts ahead." (mutters) "Messy."

Charlie: "Huh."

Vaggie: "So I guess my wings didn't change that much really."

Charlie: "If they'd stayed exactly the same I would have loved them."

Vaggie: "Not sure I'd want you to."

Charlie: "Too bad. They're part of you. They're part of the most amazing woman I've ever met.... If you like them better now though, that's good. Maybe you. Maybe you'll feel like having them out more?"

Vaggie: "We'll see."

Charlie: "BUT I want eternal dibs on the wing hugs."

Vaggie: "What? You staking a claim?"

Charlie: "Yes absolutely. My wing hugs, okay?" (hugs tighter) "Mine."

Vaggie: "Okay." (chuckling) (relaxing) "They're all yours, babe." (snuggling in) “Love you...”

Charlie: “Love you too, Vaggie.”

Charlie: (smooches gf's forehead) “Goodnight…”

Vaggie: (already asleep)

Charlie: “…..”

Charlie: (traces the one stripe on Vaggie’s wing)

Charlie: "...you probably could have been happy up there... if they'd let you."

Charlie: (wipes face)

Charlie: “… fuck heaven.”  

Vaggie: (SNORES)

Charlie: (grins) (still teary-eyed) “Exactly.”

[blossomthepinkbunny]

Character development in HB

(and why it doesn't really happen)

I think another reason why the characters of HB feel flat/underdeveloped is because there are a lot of the same revelations made time and time again, without any real progession. It seems as if the writers assume that writing a character arc is just doing the same stuff just more extreme.

Loona realized that she should appreciate Blitzø more two times already (three times if you count "Spring Broken"). In the Beelzebub episode she cares for him when he got drunk after trying to pick her up from the party. In "Seeing Stars" she tells Octavia that their dads might be annoying sometimes, but they care very deeply actually. We also get some insight into how Blitzø first adopted Loona in "Seeing Stars", when she was in a state of needing someone who takes care of her. Despite all these moments were Blitzø showed great care for her (including "Spring Broken") and despite the moments where she realizes she should be nicer to him, we never see a definitive change in her behaviour. Her helping to take out the C.H.E.R.U.B could be counted as having a new attitude towards her dad, but Millie and Moxxie also followed him, so it's not an exclusive decision she made. And if her not wanting her dad to die is a new trait of hers, then I don't know what I should think of her character to begin with.

Octavia has the exact same conversation about her relationship with her dad twice. In "LooLoo Land" she finds out that Stolas cares more than she realized and that adult relationships are more complicated than she expected. In "Seeing stars" Loona and her talk about how Stolas loves her a lot more than he is able to show. Octavias character is stale and there is never a new conclusion she draws from these experiences.

In another way, Stolas realizes that his daughter feels neglected and he wants to be more present for her, yet after that we never see him spend more time with her and after a few episodes she feels neglected once again.

We get to see some insight into Millies character in "Unhappy Campers". We see that she is pretty insecure in her own worth and needs approval. In some of the leaks for the unreleased ghost episode, Millie apparently is going to try to commit suicide because she feels useless and has insecurities. We get the same revelations for her, just that the second time it's way more intense. But despite this intensity, these deep feelings Millie has never come up until the show sees them as "relevant" (keep in mind this part with Millie is only based on the leaks I saw, take this one with a grain of salt maybe).

In the newest episode Stolas realizes that Blitzø isn't really interested in a deeper relationship with him. Blitzø tells him off, just as he did in "Ozzies" with Stolas coming to a pretty similar conclusion after Blitzø told him off and didn't take the offer to hang out in a non sexual context. He and Blitzø also text, which we see in "Western Energy". Stolas tells Blitzø that he doesn't have to show up to their annual meeting or that they can meet up for other, not sexual stuff. Blitzø never responds enthusiastically or like he is genuinely interested in getting to know Stolas. Stolas has found out that Blitzø isn't really interested in him beyond the deal multiple times. Yet in the newest episode, he acts shocked and saddened, as if this is something he just found out about.

I know that character development takes time and it's not realistic for people to immediately change after having one revelation about their behaviour. In HB however, the character arcs feel like they turn on and off however the show needs them to.

Loona is abusive, annoyed and cynical when the show wants to be funny (that's pretty much the only joke she has). When the show wants to tackle her seriously she becomes a scared, closed off, but still able to be genuine person who realizes that she needs to be better. They want her to become better but they also never let her fully go through with trying to change. Octavia is never seen on screen until the show wants to present Stolas as a better dad than he seems. So she can't progress because then, her whole purpose as a character (as it is now) is defeated. Millie is a seriously insecure person needing of approval in scenarios where they want to have conflict with Moxxie (or make her seem more deep ig) but in other instances we can't see her insecurity, because she also needs to fullfill her purpose of being Moxxies hypewoman and full support. Stolas wants to dial back his sexual side towards Blitzø to make him realize he isn't just interested in their deal. He wants them to be genuine and says himself, that he doesn't like just making their relationship sexual. He makes sexual remarks towards Blitzø in "Seeing Stars" and doesn't show restraint in talking about him sexually in "Western Energy".

The characters feel like they loop around and don't develop because a lot of them are just acting how the plot needs them to act in a specific scenario. That's either because they never get real focus that would help adequately deal with their stuff, or that it's pretty clear that they weren't written with the intention of having big arcs/deeper motivations.

I think the biggest development any character had throughout HB is Stolas realizing he wants more out of his and Blitzø's relationship (even though that came very suddenly) and Fizzarolli and Blitzø becoming friends again (which was also kinda rushed but it's fine). Blitzø in general is one of the better written characters in the show in my opinion and he has some nice moments amd interesting interactions.

Also, @wolfscarr has a three part set of posts talking about the problems with HBs narrative, wasted relationships and opportunities. It's really thorough and makes interesting points about the broken narrative of HB. I'll put the link to the first part right here if you wanna check it out.

[diegothemenace]

(source — behind a paywall but using the reader format in Firefox worked for me… I will include terrible auto-translate behind the cut for anyone interested with apologies for any errors)

Diego Luna has high expectations for the new government that will be headed by Claudia Sheinbaum starting next October, as she is the first woman president of Mexico, but he also knows that as a society there is a lot to rethink.

The actor of "Y tu mamá también" and "Rogue One: A Star Wars Story" is at the International Film Festival that takes place in this city, where he will not only receive a tribute tonight, but also presented the documentary Estado de silencio, which he produces and which deals with the violence suffered by Mexican journalists.

"(The first woman president) We do not owe it to any political party, that is a fact to celebrate and I do find it very exciting to be living it, I am very grateful that I have to live it. That excites me and I also have a lot of expectations to see what is going to happen, because I think we are living in very complicated times, a little bit of the interest of that reflection is reflected in State of Silence," says Luna.

"I think that the violence, the impunity that the journalistic profession experiences and the total absence of justice is a clear example on a scale of something that happens in this country," he adds.

But he points out that he always has hope for the future, something that reaffirmed the public's response to the documentary, which contains the experiences of journalist María de Jesús Peters, EL UNIVERSAL's correspondent in Chiapas, as well as other journalists who face similar risks.

"When things happen to me like the ones that happened to me yesterday after the presentation of the documentary, I do wake up with hope, it is nice to see when people connect and when they care about the other and manifest it, yesterday that meeting was beautiful and those expressions, moments, give me illusion and hope," he stresses.

Recently, Luna finished the last season of the series Andor, the prequel to Rogue One, where it was directed, among others, by the Mexican Alonso Ruizpalacios, with the cinema photograph of Damián García.

"I'm grateful for the format that let me enjoy it until the end, I've never done television for more than two seasons and I, as I'm old and I like cinema more than anything, I live it as long movies (laughs) or eight short independents, it's not something that has been carrying for years," he says.

He indicates that the installment ends where the film, released in 2016, begins, when his character is the one who helps steal the plans of the Death Star, the central theme of Episode IV.

" (Cassian) A lot has to happen to him to throw that mission and for someone to give it to him, he still has a lot to prove," he says briefly.

What he's also happy about is the new version of The Kiss of the Spider Woman, in which he plays a political prisoner who shares a cell with a gay man in the 1980s.

Bill Condon (Beauty and the Beast and Mr. Holmes) is the director, with a cast that includes Jennifer Lopez. "We shot a piece in New York and a piece in Montevideo. It's basically a tribute to the musical work that was done on Broadway in the early '90s."

Today, the actor will be honored. And if some like the late Jorge Fons (Red Dawn) said that he didn't like these ceremonies because he seemed to be being fired, Luna sees it differently.

"I've had to live long enough to know that no, that I can take away that fear, these days have been beautiful, a reminder that I'm part of a community."

[altankaedit]

Just a few of my thoughts about TB & TG before the release of the new season.

It's amazing how easy it is for me to love characters whose flaws are not hidden from us (TG). Because you know what kind of bastards you're going to watch & love, you know what to expect from them, and therefore all the shit they do is not surprising. But how they do it? It's really a pleasure to watch. A drunken Aegon who does what's on his mind. Evil Aemond, aka the selfish asshole. Smart and cunning Larys, who knows people and how to manipulate them. The same clever and insidious Alicent, who achieves her goals. Aggressive Criston, loyal to his queen king. etc.

But what about TB? Not that I thought they were being presented as perfect, but I reviewed the first season specifically. Complicated feelings. I love Rhaenyra, her children, and Raenys. I have mixed feelings in every scenes with them. It's like something's wrong. They seem too right. But you know that this is not the case, and this makes attempts to seem much more perfect than they really are, cause more irritation than love. I want my beloved TB to make mistakes, so that other characters can see and know it openly, and TB would just say, "yes, this is who I am, and what will you do to me." But no! And I guess that makes me love the "right blacks" a lot less than the "bastard greens."

[rachel-614]

things i was taught by my mother or learned for myself

always cut your nails wet: they are softer while wet, so less prone to splitting and also less likely to make gross noises. best time is after a shower or bath; failing that, after doing dishes, or soaking for five minutes in a bowl of warm water.

recipes don’t always scale proportionally: the clearest example of this is rice; the more rice you have, the less water you need to add. I don’t know why, but suspect it has to do with how much water boils into steam vs how much gets absorbed by the rice. Similarly, if you double a dressing recipe, you might want to cut back on the salt or spice. if you add protein to a dish to feed more people, you might not want to add carbs in proportion—or vice versa. if you are adapting a recipe to serve more or less people, you might want to do a quick search or ask someone’s advice

you are allowed to change recipes: this can be scary if you are just beginning cooking, but so many recipes can be adapted very easily. Don’t like chicken? use pork or beef in stead. out of pink beans? substitute black beans or chickpeas. it might taste different, but it probably won’t taste bad. pasta sauce taste super acidic? put in honey or sugar or chopped carrots next time. if you actually need to reduce the acidity and not the taste, a little bit of baking soda. want a vegetable with your pasta? throw in some chopped carrots or spinach. once you’ve followed enough recipes, you’ll get a sense for the basic cooking processes, and you can start trying new things—the worst that will happen is probably one night of not-so-great food, but more than likely you’ll develop several variations of a favorite recipe you can swap between depending on your mood or what you have in the pantry.

don’t leave hair in the shower: if you have long hair, it sheds, and if you leave shed hair in the shower it will slip down the drain and over time form a nasty clump that will slow or even clog your drain. it’s also very rude if you share a shower with anyone else. if touching your own hair grosses you out, grab some toilet paper or a paper towel and use it to wipe up your hair (this also works if you share a shower with someone who doesn’t clean up their hair).

learn how to do easy things for yourself: my mother tells me to never have the mechanics change the cabin air filter in the car when i get my oil changed, because we can buy them cheap online and it takes five minutes and no special tools to do. i don’t have enough interest in cars or time and energy to do more complicated processes, but this is something that takes five minutes and saves me around $20 every time. if something is difficult or time consuming or better if done by an expert, then go ahead and get it done professionally. but there are a lot of things that are very easy to do yourself if you take the time to look up how.

politeness goes a long way: smiling and saying hello and goodbye to people you work or share community with. asking for advice. asking if someone has the time to help you, and saying thank you even if they don’t. saying thank you. offering to help. giving sincere compliments, not because you want anything but simply because you think it’s true. these things establish that you acknowledge and respect and see the people around you, and the more you do it the better you’ll get at it. and when you do that, people are more likely to acknowledge and respect and see you in return.

don’t mix cleaning chemicals: the big bad, deadly, never ever ever mix together is bleach and ammonia, but in general you shouldn’t mix anything if you don’t know exactly what’s in them whether or not they will react in a harmful fashion. it’s usually safe to dilute chemicals with water, and wearing gloves and a mask can protect you if the cleaning solution is caustic or gives off fumes. you’re probably better off using something milder, though. a mild disinfectant for the bathroom and hot soapy water for everything else is sufficient.

use a separate towel for your face: ideally, you should wash bed linens and towels in hot water regularly, but your face is particularly vulnerable to acne and infections. don’t use the same towel to wipe both your face and your butt. get a hand towel that you use specifically and only for drying your face when it’s clean. if you can’t find the time or energy to wash your bedding regularly, buy extra pillowcases and swap those out instead.

buy clothes that fit (that you like): this one is hard, for so many reasons. clothes are expensive; it can be hard to find good fitting clothes for certain body types; it can be hard to let go of clothes you’ve had for a long time; it can feel shameful to have to pull a particular size off the rack, because our culture sucks. but you will be more comfortable if your clothes aren’t too tight (or too big), and if they don’t have holes in them. if money is an issue, go to thrift stores or charity bins, or (and this can be hard) ask if anyone you know has hand me downs. if you are younger, a lot of people get rid of clothes when they graduate college and pack up their dorm rooms. on the other side of things, if you’ve been wearing hand me downs and up for grabs clothing most of your life and now you have more financial flexibility then you did before, you are allowed to spend money on clothes that you know you’ll wear a lot. don’t buy something that doesn’t fit quite right just because it’s a bargain; chances are you won’t wear it as much because it’s uncomfy. if you have a hard time letting go of a piece of clothing that doesn’t fit anymore or is falling apart, consider repurposing it: make it into a pillow or blanket. cut out a favorite graphic print and stitch it onto a new shirt. give it to someone you know will love it as much as you did. try to find a replacement—sometimes it takes time. my favourite, comfiest underwear style got discontinued by the brand five years ago. i have worn my last pairs to their limit, and only just found a new brand/style that works for me. every time i had to toss a pair because it had holes felt awful because even holey they were more comfortable than the in-between-styles, but now that i’ve found my new style all the old ones must go. out with the old-that-wasn’t-working and in with the new-and-unfamiliar-but-functional!

this is how you cut a melon: - wash with soapy water, because of Germs - put on a cutting board with a rim (to catch the juices) so that the stem and end of the melon point to your left and right - get a garbage bowl or a bag for scraps - use a long knife to bisect the melon, forming two hemispheres with the stem on one half and the melon end on the other - use a large metal spoon to scrape out all the seeds and any soft flesh from each melon half into the trash can or garbage bowl - take one half, place it cut side down on the cutting board, and carefully slide the knife horizontally through the top inch or so of the melon. you should be able to see the flesh or the melon - use a knife (should be long but skinny, so there is some flex to it) and cut off the melon rind one slice at a time, by cutting from the top of the melon to the cutting board, curving the knife path to follow the curve of the melon - rotate the melon half and repeat, until the rind has been completely removed and only the flesh of the melon can be seen - slice or dice the melon half according to your preference - repeat on the other melon half, or cover in cling wrap and refrigerate for another day or two - enjoy delicious melon

reblog with your own things you have been taught, or don’t; enjoy delicious melon, or delicious something else; live and learn new things, or teach the things you’ve learned to someone else

[mickstart]

Re your last headcanon ask: I ABSOLUTELY think we get an unfair balance of jealous Aventurine as compared to Ratio. Do you have any thoughts on how Ratio's jealousy/possessiveness would manifest? Aventurine-centric again, but I love in fanfic/fanart when he's being all over the top friendly to Ratio and then sends whoever Ratio was talking to The Death Glare™. Real gap moe.

I also love when jealousy is the thing that makes them realize "oh Shit I think I care about him more than the average coworker amount"

Okay I think. The thing about Ratio is he's so resigned to his own isolation that he probably doesn't usually GET jealous bc he's just like "of course people want to spend time with others over me. they always do. I don't care." and I think it would be a pretty new feeling to him. He'd beat himself up a LOT for getting possessive because he'd be so annoyed at how irrational it is. So his possessiveness would probably be more lowkey than Aventurine's.

I think pre-relationship he sits there and silently seethes watching aventurine flirt and YES that would probably be the thing that makes him realise he likes him a little too much. Just imagine Ratio on the sidelines watching Aventurine show a little shoulder at a bar, distracting someone he's about to fleece, and he's just hit by this competely irrational emotion he has NO idea what to do with. All he knows is he wants to march over there and throw the mark out the window.

But in a relationship he'd know that was a Tactic aventurine uses, and I think he'd kind of get off on the "Aventurine is playing all these people they don't know he's only interested in ME" (Top 50 ratio ego moments) In fact it might be a tactic of theirs on missions, to have Aventurine seduce someone and then have Ratio show up like "hello darling. mwah." and Aventurine introduces him as his Husband. (They are not married.) It makes the mark uncomfortable and also makes them feel like they can confide in Aventurine because they Share A Secret with him.

(And maybe Ratio Thoroughly Enjoys kissing Aventurine in front of them to make a Statement, and Later, Alone, reminding Aventurine who he's always going to go home with.)

Sorry another cut, I rambled again but way more this time.

I think it's easy to enter more complicated territory with Ratio's possessiveness, with Aventurine's past being what it is. It would be important that what Ratio feels possessive of isn't Aventurine, but Aventurine's feelings and attention. When Ratio is jealous he's usually doing something to get Aventurine's attention back on him. But - traumatised king that he is - Aventurine ASKS for marks and growly, frustrated possessiveness. He taunts Ratio. Asks him to "claim me", that type of shit. Asks if Ratio will buy him a collar to replace the one he wears for the IPC. Asks if Ratio would wear his collar instead, with Aventurine's address on his nametag, instead of asking him to move in like a sane person.

(Sorry my "Aventurine takes his trauma and regains power over it by sexualising it on HIS terms" agenda is so strong.)

Ratio says he's just going along with Aventurine's kinks to let him work through shit in a safe environment, but he's definitely into having Aventurine whine that he's His, or dig his nails into his hips and tell him he's HIS. He's never really been Wanted like this, enough that Aventurine covers him with bites that make him feel warm whenever he sees them, and he's never Wanted anyone else like this. It's a thrill, even if it is humiliating that Aventurine reduces him to animalistic urges. (And even more humiliating that he's then into Aventurine making fun of him for that.)

And then he buys Aventurine a necklace with his little owl eye symbol on it, and Aventurine wears that Everywhere.

.... and buys Ratio a collar with a small aventurine stone attached instead of a nametag.

[parokka]

kinda a re-introduction to lemonadeflask because i realized no one outside the discord server really knows any lore

i updated the sprites and i think they look a lot better than the old ones lmao

rambling added from amino below

these are the main characters of the au. parokka takes the role of lammy, star of katy, and oj of ma-san both in the band and personality-wise. mostly. parokka's goal is still to impress star and has confidence issues when it comes to prove his manliness to her. (this is highlighted more on parokka 2 where parokka aspires to be as cool as noodle but doesn't know noodle's real ulterior motives.) this is why i imagined the "come a long way" video being changed for "complicated" by avril lavigne since it shows their relationship pretty nicely. star just loves parokka for the way he already is.

...and oj curri, is just kind of a jerk to parokka, lol. but they are still kinda friends. (think of murdoc and 2d) he is currently dating swap sweety which i have to yet come up with a proper name to. she swaps with square e. bear. and is an inventor who usually gives oj pretty strange gifts but he loves her for that. she is probably one of the only people in this au who always easily get through oj's tough exterior.

[krowlovesinazuma]

Hi! 🪶 anon back at it again for my Kujou Sara BS~

Can I ask for Yandere!Kujou Sara and Raiden Shogun (Separate) (And yeah, the Shogun) HCs? When you said you did soft yandere, that's the type of yandere I like best anyway, so it works out! Thank you for reading!

-🪶

Read this prologue for context! Also sorry if I made the puppet too OOC, it's hard to write for her ;-;

Scenario: Soft Yandere

Characters: Kujou Sara, Raiden Shogun (Puppet)

Sara as a yandere would be complicated, but believable if you're a holy being. She already worships the shogun, so it would be no surprise if a mythical being of legends and tradition suddenly shows up in the flesh.

However, it would be complex thanks to her previous devotion to the shogun. Yes the two of you are allies and formed a pact of sorts, but would it still not count as a betrayal if she worshipped you as well as her archon? These thoughts trouble her often.

Of course, being a general, she knows better than to reside in inaction just because of confusion, and so she shows her loyalty while her heart remains unsure. Bringing you gifts, safety in travels, and simply being a reliable partner, she stays by your side.

The answer to her dilemma honestly depends on how you treat her, both before and after your reincarnation into the world, but no matter what her decision is, she'll remain your dutiful follower, and trusted cohort.

If you used her plenty in gameplay, and showed her attention above others in the world, she'll succumb to her own desires, but it'll be hard and awkward. Get ready for some stiff hugs, and a lot of blushing, she's trying her best.

Give her time though, and her showings of affection will get bolder and bolder. Offering you dates, gifts, and everything in between, she's ready to show how much she loves you, even if it might not be enough to truly show her devotion.

If you don't show her that much attention however, surprisingly, she's one of the few people that manages to suppress her intense desires, and instead inserts you into her life in a more subtle way, treating you highly, yet distantly.

It may lead to her being a little more workaholic and devoted to the shogun for a while, but she does eventually get over it, even if her desires are still within her. Her will is strong, and her mentality is even stronger!

"Please, do not apologize for gracing me with you presence, creator. Even if you're correct, with it taking away time from my duties, your comments about taking needed breaks are also important, and I see every moment speaking with you as an opportunity to relax. So please, don't be afraid to visit more."

This would definitely be an obsession that doesn't spark in an instant, but builds up over the years that she spends as a ruler. When she was created, Ei made sure to include you in her mentality, to make sure she didn't treat the myths and folklore of you as nothing.

That's why, knowing about your legends, yet only that and not much more was a slow burn of desire to meet you, and obey you directly, much like Ei silently prayed and hoped that you could perhaps bless her region.

Her priorities were still quite screwed when it came to governing over the lands, but much like she made sure to mantain festivities alive, she made sure that the belief in your legends and stories was still alive, even if may be against her complete rule.

When she felt the signs of your coming through the traveler and the other Inazuman folk that were growing stronger, and seemingly ignoring her complete rule, she knew it must have been a sign from you. In fact, she was probably knew about your presence before Ei.

That's why, when it normally should've been time for her end, she showed a strange sense of regret, as she came to realize just how against you she was in the end, and that was enough to convince the others to keep her alive, especially if you spare her through your screen.

I won't divulge into what her role would be now, but she'd have a strange sense of regret and shame lingering in her soul, even though she believed to have listened to her commands to perfection. Did she do something wrong to have both Ei and you against her?

Even if you show up in her world eventually, I could see her being troubled with her actions and your reception to them. Would you accept her? Would you even like her after what she's done? Did she deserve be grazed with your presence at all?

That's why she'll remain hidden from sight, away from the judging stare that you may use towards her. Ei is much more deserving of your attention, and she understands that. It may be up to you to face her yourself...

[another-goblin]

I like the metaphor of Dr. Ratio being a doctor who tries to cure the disease called 'foolishness'. It helps understand the character better.

First, let's not forget that he's actually a medical doctor:

But he sees himself as more than that (and Screwllum agrees):

That alone can say a lot about him, and that's why I don't agree with some of the ways some people interpret him.

Would a doctor get angry at somebody for being too ill? (they probably would for not using the medicine the doctor prescribed, or not taking their condition seriously.) Would a doctor be disgusted and abandon somebody for being too ill? Would a doctor take pride in being healthier than their patient?

......

But is this metaphor warranted? Doctors save and improve lives; what does education do?

We know how dangerous ignorance can be. Our real world gives us a lot of examples of that.

Besides, Ratio himself found a cure for some terrible disease threatening humanity and resolved "the energy crisis of the century."

So I'd say that education can save and improve a lot of lives too.

......

What exactly does he 'cure'? The words he uses, like 'foolishness', sound very vague. But if we interpret it as ignorance, then his work as a teacher makes sense. He also gives lectures seemingly outside his curriculum (remember that series of faux movie posters where he looks super excited to give a lecture about astronomy), organizes conferences (his voiceline about the Express's archives), and urges us to go to university and join some debate event. That's a lot, but these are some conventional things you'd expect from an educator.

On the other hand, this looks more like life coaching or counseling:

 It's basically the idea that humanity should start thinking by themselves and not rely on geniuses who don't care about them (btw he holds a similar position about the Aeons; people shouldn't rely on them too).

This is very different from these things I listed above.

So he sort of does both, I guess?…

......

Another thing is, there is a big difference between a physician treating an individual patient, and a researcher curing a whole disease (the way Ratio himself eliminated that actual disease). And again, he seems to do both, with both his conventional educational activity and, well, 'life coaching'.

What he did on Herta station is a good example. For the researchers on the station, he showed that despite the presence of 2 (or 3) geniuses on board the station, only our TB could help them; that they could have discovered the truth by themselves if they weren't so dependent on the geniuses.

And at the same time, it was a lesson for the TB about how if we really try, if we don't rely on people just telling us what's happening and what to do, we can make sense of a complicated situation by ourselves.

......

BTW he reminds me of Dr. House (from the show 'House, M.D.' Do people remember that show? From 20 years ago? oh god…)

I don't think they have a lot in common if you dig deeper, but there are some similarities on the surface, that can help you understand Ratio a bit better.

They don't mince their words and don't care what other people think about them.

House is dismissive of people who bother him with trivial problems. (reminds me of Ratio's "Don't ask a question if there's already an answer" and "If you have a problem, are you sure you can't solve it yourself?")

House is the most rude to other doctors for not doing enough (the same way Ratio is extremely critical of other scholars - people who are priveleged to have access to knowledge but don't do anything worthwhile with it. And, in a smaller degree, to his students - people who already have access to higher education but don't take it seriously enough, in his opinion.)

But he will cure those who really need his help, whether they want it or not.

[utilitycaster]

Pls ignore if the spectre of ruminating on old god-diskhorse is far too obnoxious but it's rather a jump-off point for a more general question; an issue brought up pushing back against the most obnoxious "vanguard is right eradicate those tyrant gods rq stole vax hate that bitch" ppl, aside from other things like just being deeply myopic even just from an in-universe perspective, but on a wholler narrative level requires completely ignoring or discarding campaign 1 and 2's theses and genuine connections. Largely i think these ppl's takes are more interested in self-validation than concerned with what they're actually saying when they want these things to be true (which they aren't, Matt and cast and plot progression from the peak of those discourses have made that clear), but now here's my wondering: what would it say if c3 were to be these things? By what metrics do you judge a sequel installment should it, in the pursuit of its own story, undermine or contradict the earnest, complete, already told story that preceded it and was built upon?

Hi anon,

This is a good question, and necessarily one with a subjective answer, so I hope I at least explain my thought process below! Also: this does have some spoilers for a Midst episode in Season 3 (which aired a few weeks ago). I mention this because it's a really useful example for me but this wasn't a question about Midst so you might not be expecting me to talk about it.

Firstly, I agree with you that a lot of the people who want this want the story to validate their personal beliefs. Some want it to validate political/philosophical beliefs, which is a complicated thing: on the one hand, I very much don’t want to watch a show that’s like “hey slavery is neat-o!” and doubt such a show would have much merit. On the other hand, when we’re dealing with much more complicated issues like religion, which simultaneously exists as a tool of oppression; an aspect of identity that makes one a target of oppression; a source of meaning and comfort; and a source of justification of terrible practices all in one; I think it’s extremely valuable to be exposed to a multitude of perspectives and to not just endlessly look for those that validate one’s own experiences.

Others just want the story to validate their feelings about the happenings within the narrative, which is on the one hand usually less close-minded, but on the other hand, kind of stupid. You are permitted to dislike that Vax died. I disagree, but you can feel however you want (indeed, you don’t need my, or anyone’s permission to dislike that Vax died). The story saying “The Raven Queen isn’t perfect” or even “The Raven Queen is Bad” isn’t necessary for you to have those feelings; and the Raven Queen being slaughtered isn’t per se necessary for Vax to come back (which I think would be cheap and stupid, but like, if that’s what you want you could just have him come back.) You don’t need to story to tell you that your response to the story is good, so this is ultimately a case of “why are you even doing this."

I also suspect there’s just some degree of subversion for subversion’s sake (or change for change's sake) people who were into the idea of killing the gods just to flip C1 and C2 on their respective heads. The thing is, subversion for the sole purpose of subversion has always been the province of the dull. There’s a reason why culturally we treat M. Night Shyamalan as a joke and it’s because “THERE’S A TWIST” without a strong and compelling build-up to said twist nearly always is, as the post I recently reblogged said, something that only hits hard if you’re stupid.

What I need from a story to be good is internal consistency and a strong execution. I am frequently surprised, in a very positive way, by stories that are so well-executed that they sell me on a premise with which I was less than enamored. If you’d told me that I’d feel sad about FCG’s sacrifice or extremely in favor of Phineas and Jonas’s romantic relationship during early C3 or, frankly, even the minute before I listened to Trustfall, respectively, I would have said “huh, really?” But both of these events were thoughtfully built to a point where they felt like meaningful and interesting choices for the story to take, even if that was not apparent to me earlier on.

So: the metric I’d use to judge a god-killing C3 is the same as that of any long-running story. I think there is a universe in which Campaign 3 could have made the demise of the gods a good and compelling story. But that work simply has not been done. The atrocities of the Vanguard, Weave Mind, and the Dwendalian Empire under Ludinus Da’leth; the callousness shown towards all Exandrians and Ruidians by the Vanguard and Kreviris Imperium; and most importantly the fact that there haven’t been new reveals of terrible things done by the gods and the story has instead striven to paint them as more fragile and complicated than what we’ve seen in past means that a sudden twist would, well, be cheap and only hit hard if you’re stupid. You can contradict a past story in an installment (or the earlier work in a long-running series) in a way that is not undermining if you are able to tie it together and show new information that was not available earlier! But that’s the key: it needs to be clear that the earlier works were showing a specific perspective (already a very tall order given the protagonist-only POV of D&D campaigns) or that the situation has drastically changed. If you fail to do this, then as you said, it’s undermining and it’s poorly done and a bad story.

I think that last point is also really important in thinking through the fandom response. I mentioned that I can be sold on a premise that didn’t win me over initially if the execution is strong. I think some people, and especially those gunning for a “The Gods are All Bad” story are so terrified of not being validated or of being wrong in their predictions or of criticism from other fans that they can no longer enjoy a story or comment meaningfully upon it. To which I say skill issue. I am thrilled and even grateful that, as previously mentioned, FCG had an arc that deepened their character and addressed my earlier criticism such that I could enjoy episode 91 as much as I did. I was mildly spoiled on the potential of Jonas and Phineas getting together and was, to be honest, slightly dreading it as I’d always preferred a platonic interpretation of their relationship, and then the scene in which it happened (and everything since) has been so deftly handled that I’m fully on board.

I am a far better analyst and critic of fiction than a creator of it, and I’m open about this. I am constantly surprised in ways both positive and negative by how other people tell stories, and that’s why I come back to them. I want the story to be so good that it expands my horizons and comfort zone and shows me something new. I find little joy in a story validating who I already am and what I already think. I want the story to make a better argument for what it has to say than I can make against it. If this is a competition between the story and me, I am rooting for the story to win over me and in doing so, win me over; and I am disappointed when it doesn’t.

I am also a physicist, and, famously within our understanding of physics, pretty much anything can happen; it’s all just a matter of probabilities. And so it’s hard for me to say “there’s no way this could ever be done well.” It’s very easy, however, for me to say “the eye of the needle one must thread to do this well is a micron in diameter and constantly moving.” I think it’s possible to turn the concept of a god-slaying Campaign 3 into a story that, rather than clumsily ignoring or discarding C1 and C2’s theses, transforms them and puts them in a new and unexpected light. But the narrative dexterity check required for that has always been high, and only gets higher as the actual Campaign 3 story continues along its current path.

[ayenah-ayenah]

Saying, "thank you",

Smiling,

Returning them,

And being all polite when getting compliments.

Then, overthinking.

Because the compliments aren't personal.

You respond only to not make them uncomfortable for saying something to you.

You don't know yourself that well, and you're so, so, so sure that neither do they know you. But that's too long, and complicated to say.

So, you settle with, "thank you".

This is a rant hahaha

Someone I know keeps giving backhanded comments about me not shying away from compliments like she does.

The truth is, I used to never believe a single good thing others say to me. But, I grew into accepting that sometimes,

people say things and it's not that deep.

So, even if I don't feel like the compliment fits me, I just say thank you. Because, it's not just about me. The one who talked to me deserves a polite exchange for their genuine and kind expression.