#people on discord can affirm i am struggling

[dulciechi]

a chibi luka from my fic has another mental breakdown over a certain cat in the middle of a fucking crusade

aka time for another banner change 💜

[xxlovelynovaxx]

Listening to Epic the Musical and went to join the discord server, only to find this:

I'd like to preface this by saying I am a member of a DID system that experienced intense childhood trauma. We identify as "mixed origin", meaning in our case we do not believe trauma was the ONLY cause of our system, but we do believe it likely played a part in the formation of our multiplicity. Now, onto talking about this screenshot.

1. Pluralkit's creators are inclusive of nondisordered systems. It's one thing to say "no OCs" (which pluralkit is fine with, but some servers simply aren't for purposes of ACTUAL roleplay and that's fine), but to say "only OSDD/DID systems are allowed to use this" and imply that all other systems are "roleplaying" is just bog-standard anti-endo bigotry. Also, UDD and other lesser-known disordered systems are of course excluded.

A reminder that the creators of the Theory of Structural Dissociation, the DSM-V-TR, the ICD-11, and the APA all recognize the existence of nondisordered systems, and that they haven't met a high enough standard of proof to claim explicit causation via trauma of dissociative disorders. At this juncture, every actual scientist abides by the cardinal rule of statistics - correlation is not causation - and another important basic rule of logic - that "x causes y" does not prove "ONLY x causes y". Or in other words, neither the converse nor inverse of a true statement are automatically true. In mathematics, these logical fallacies are referred to "affirming the consequent" and "fallacy of the inverse".

2. Short of someone actively telling you "I am faking a mental illness", you CANNOT tell if they are. It's not possible even for psychiatric professionals to determine this, let alone random laypeople. Even screenshots "admitting" faking could be photoshopped, but more than that - that rule makes the server unsafe for every SINGLE system, even those with OSDD or DID. On what grounds do they claim a system is faking? Having the audacity to claim that our narrative of our own experiences is most reliable and that we are capable of determining our own origins? Having too many or too few alters? Enjoying aspects of even disordered systemhood? Achieving functional multiplicity?

Fakeclaiming when done to any kind of system, but ESPECIALLY disordered systems, will often severely worsen dissociation and internal communication and can even make amnesia more severe. Even most professionally diagnosed disordered traumagenic systems struggle a lot with doubt, in part due to the very nature of the disorder, which often is a response formed as coping skill for severe trauma which masks itself from both external and internal scrutiny for safety.

It is not worth risking this harm to "protect" systems this doesn't even help, much like it's not worth say, denying SSI to 90 percent of people who need it just to keep the extremely small fraction of a percentage of fraudsters (who are willing to try to live in conditions of extreme poverty without ever being able to marry or save money) from getting it.

(It also seems to stem in part from a pluralmisic society which obscures and erases the very experience of plurality, so that many of us don't discover the labels for our experiences until late enough in life that it shatters a long-held view of ourselves that we then have to contend with as a fundamental shift in our understanding of ourselves. A similar thing occurs with trans people in transphobic societies doubting our transness due to spending our whole lives thinking we were cis, but just in the wrong way, and that everyone is miserable trying to be their assigned gender at birth.)

3. "Alters under age 13 are not permitted to speak in this server as per Discord TOS." Discord's TOS is entirely dependent on legal age and therefore bodily age. Littles and middles are childlike entities in an adult brain and body, and it is therefore up to each system to determine what is safe for their own non-adult members to handle. While some littles and middles may be very like actual children and therefore their systems restrict their activity, some systems have littles and middles that are perfectly capable of using the adult brains' faculties to safely navigate normal interactions. Note that this isn't a restriction on nsfw interaction, which is strictly prohibited in the server iwrc, which while offensive when done "for littles' safety" is at least something reasonable to refuse consent to interact in that capacity with a little for your own personal comfort.

4. "Factive alters sourced from EPIC collaborators are required to speak through an anonymous proxy or base profile when interacting with the server". So, essentially, the comfort of singlets is more important than the health, functionality, and safety of systems. It can be destabilizing to have to mask or pretend to front as someone else.

It is also saying "it's not okay to be openly an entirely separate individual with your own life, consciousness, and experiences, simply because you were unintentionally created by someone's brain based on a different living individual". In this case, the people saying this also believe the only possible reason for this unintentional influence on an alter's existence is due to a severe mental disorder - that they likely believe is only caused by trauma. (They likely consequently believe alters can only be SPLIT through trauma!)

So what they are in effect saying is "if trauma caused a person to exist inside your brain whose formation was influenced by one of us and who therefore shares a name and maybe mannerisms with one of us, they are not allowed to be openly themselves around us". Imagine if an autistic person who often mirrored mannerisms shared a name with them!

5. Re: the last point. They claim that people using pluralkit are people, but notably, they only recognize them as individuals. They do not recognize the personhood of non-parts based systems. "When speaking with someONE who uses pluralkit, remember you are speaking with A real PERSON". Now, they could be referring to the individual alter fronting at the time (and just not acknowledging cofronting out of ignorance or forgetfulness). Except for the damning line:

6. "Please note that Pluralkit is a bot used by INDIVIDUALS with DID/OSDD to facilitate communication". Now, I wanted to touch on, once again, that pluralkit's creators are open to and even intend for the bot to be used by nondisordered systems and even roleplayers. Once again, I have no issue with servers not allowing its use for roleplay purposes, since that doesn't dehumanize any actual systems nor refuse to recognize the personhood of individuals within any systems. But also... they literally are refusing to recognize the existence of actual DID and OSDD systems who identify as multiple people, not individuals!

While it is possible that the creators of Epic the Musical were simply trying to create a safe space for systems and are simply ignorant to the harm that sysmedicalism and creating a culture where fakeclaiming is allowed and even encouraged DOES, I find it more likely that a moderator, creator, or system that is close to one of the above is a sysmedicalist.

Below the cut for brevity of this post is a primer on system discourse (syscourse) and sysmedicalism for those that may not be immersed in the plural community.

Tl;dr of the part above the cut: This server is unsafe for even DID/OSDD systems, discriminates against and violates the autonomy of littles and factives (misunderstanding what littles and factives actually ARE in the process), and does not recognize the actual personhood of alters and headmates and multiplicity of disordered systems. This is just ableism, and extremely disappointing as a DID system that is a fan of the musical.

For those that don't know, sysmedicalists are plurality's version of transmedicalists. They believe that the only way to be many people or parts in one body (which is what plurality is) is to have a severe mental disorder that causes extreme distress and dysfunction, as a result of severe long-term childhood trauma, usually between the arbitrarily named ages of 9 and 12. Like transmedicalists, they believe that multiplicity is inherently a mental illness, and that you can't be plural if you don't experience extreme distress around it.

To be a [identity]medicalist is to pathologize and medicalize an experience that is not inherently either to the point of claiming all nonpathological and nonmedical forms of the experience don't exist, and usually also involves defining an identity primarily by the severe distress it CAN cause in some individuals, staging an arbitrary standard of suffering as a prerequisite that if not met is grounds for fakeclaiming anyone who derives any happiness or positivity of any kind from said identity.

They claim that a term coined and primarily used by trans systems is transphobic, because "transness isn't a mental disorder and systemhood is!" They fail to recognize that like transmedicalists truly believing transness is only a mental disorder incorrectly, they are also clinging to a claim that only the disordered form of a wider experience of being "many in one" is valid or real, and that everyone else are just "fakers" "stealing resources from real trans people/systems".

See iirc @livseses wonderful post for further similarities on transmed and sysmed arguments, which I will link later if I can find.

On the other hand, even psychiatric professionals, in an industry known for disregarding the experiences of neurodivergent and mentally ill people in favor of the narratives that neurotypicals with degrees in the subjects of our lives make up based on their external experiences of us, agree that nondisordered systems can exist. Most now also believe that trauma is not a prerequisite for plurality.

The DSM acknowledges cultural experiences such as mediumship (not all of which are from closed practices), and the ICD goes further to state that the same experience of "two or more distinct personality states" they describe as one of the requirements for DID does not "indicate the presence of a mental disorder". They also use cultural multiplicity as one example, clearly stating that the same experience of multiplicity present in DID can be present in the absence of a disorder.

These disorders are also very purposely not categorized in the "trauma disorder" section of diagnostic manuals, but rather in a section for "dissociative disorders". Even personality disorders, which are well-recognized as being mostly traumagenic in origin, are also not categorized as trauma disorders, for the same reasons of both lacking a high enough standard of proof that trauma is the only possible cause, as well as for the simple reason that dissociative and personality disorders are much more highly self-similar than they are to trauma disorders. Anyone claiming that "DID/OSDD are trauma disorders" and that to claim to the contrary is misinformation is themselves spreading anti-scientific misinformation.

It is also worth noting that by all modern definitions of disorderedness, a mental disorder requires either distress or dysfunction (and in some cases, both). Therefore, a DID or OSDD system that achieved functional multiplicity would not longer be considered functionally disordered.

Traumagenic is the term used to describe systems formed due to trauma. There is zero proof whatsoever that the trauma that forms a system is required to occur in childhood, and in fact seemingly previously healthy war veterans have been acknowledged in medical literature as displaying symptoms of complex dissociative disorders. While there is not a high enough burden of proof to discount the possibility that every single case was just a covert system's presentation made overt by the recurrence of trauma or development of PTSD, there is likewise not proof that trauma that occurs later in life (particularly for neurodivergent individuals with developmental disorders, as the parts of our brain involved in multiplicity often develop in different orders or at different rates.

Endogenic is the term used to describe systems formed for reasons other than trauma (and by most members of the community, for mixed origin systems that were not FULLY formed from trauma. The coiner maintains that full lack of trauma is required for "correct" use of the label; see my previous posts about the harm of prescriptivism and the ludicrousness of defining a term for an identity you don't claim and a community you are not in).

Endogenic does not necessarily mean nondisordered, as anything from trauma occurring after initial system formation to simply the brain's "wires" getting crossed, so to speak, may be able to cause a dissociative disorder even in the absence of the usual stimuli of trauma. Basically, if your brain has a "push in case of emergency" button, there's always a possibility however many failsafes are built to prevent this happening that it will accidentally be set off in the absence of an emergency. Likewise, traumagenic does not inherently mean disordered, as in the case of previously disordered systems who achieved functional multiplicity, or again, weirdness in an extremely complex organ we barely understand causing the brain to push the emergency button but only part of the stuff that is supposed to be caused by the button happening.

Plurality is simply a form of neurodivergence. People can be multiple consciousnesses or "people" (the defining of which falls more under the purview of philosophy than psychiatry) in one body without there needing to be a reason. Assuming singlecy (being a singlet, a nonsystem) is the default is as based in pluralmisia as assuming being straight is the default is based in homophobia.

It's also worth noting that the majority of psychiatry and psychology, as soft sciences, are based entirely in self-reporting. While yes, dissociative disorders can obscure knowledge of trauma until a system is ready to process said trauma, in the absence of any other notable amnesia or other disordered symptoms, it's actually more likely just from a logical standpoint alone that a person is simply right about saying "there are multiple people in this body" than they are unaware of trauma, let alone just "roleplaying" or "faking". There are simply too many endogenic systems for that to be the case.

Why would total amnesia around exactly the chronological bounds of the trauma, despite a system not having any periods of time missing from their memory, be the ONLY symptom experienced? In a society where even if you HAVE a disorder treatment is often inaccesibly expensive and the majority of people regard anyone who identifies as multiple as "insane" at best and "dangerous and needing to be locked up" at worst, what is to be gained from identifying as plural if that's not truly who you feel you are? It's the same tired arguments of nonbinary and nondysphoric/nontransitioning trans people in general just "pretending to be trans for fun". No one does that!

Also, traumatized people are not helpless crazy people that need "help" being paternalistically told what our "actual" experiences are because we're too ill to ever be right about our own lives and ESPECIALLY our subjective internal thoughts, emotions, and ways of experiencing the world and our selves. That's just extremely basic foundational sanism.

Some will claim it's not "for fun" but as a result of delusions or other mental illness that endogenic systems "claim to exist". They claim that delusional and mentally ill people need to be forced into treatment "for our own good", even if the alleged delusions are neither causing distress for us, dysfunction in our lives, or influencing us to act in ways which cause any material or quantifiable harm to others. And no, being offended by the existence of a subgroup of people within a marginalized group is not harm. That's just bog-standard bigotry.

This is also just basic sanism. It's the idea that if someone holds uncommon beliefs or is in any way abnormal, that those beliefs and abnormalities need to be suppressed and stamped out for "our" own good and for the good of society. It's the same (fascist) rhetoric that causes everything from autism [Coolsville sucks] spe/aks seeking a eugenicist "cure" for autism to white supremacy. Note: neither autistic people nor nonwhite people nor any other marginalized group are inherently "abnormal". They are simply minorities LABELED as such by those in power.

I know someone might try to take that line out of context to claim that I AGREE that marginalized peoples are abnormal, coolsville-sucks-style, hence my clarification and inclusion of that in brackets to make any bad faith actors have to at least black it out if they want to screenshot that out of context. That way, anyone bothering to actually fact-check will see immediately that they are twisting my words and acting in bad faith. I've been around the syscourse block long enough to know people WILL do this.

There's further arguments to be made that "normality" is simply a descriptor for things that do not significantly deviate from arbitrary averages and that abnormality itself is therefore morally neutral, but I digress.

I do however, want to encourage people to look into the subject of "mad liberation" for more on questioning and challenging the assumptions that anyone with any mental disorders or trauma is incapable of being a reliable source on their own experiences and existence.

Anyway, plurality has existed for as long as humans have been recognizably human. Many past and present peoples acknowledge forms of it, both in open and closed cultures. Most reputable psychiatrists and psychologists acknowledge the existence of nondisordered and endogenic systems, and further studies are being done into this form of neurodivergence already. The few professionals that don't are typically those like the ones present in the video released by McLean Hospital which fakeclaimed actual professionally-diagnosed disordered systems (which also goes to show just how fakeclaiming only ever ends up harming the people it's claiming to be used to try to protect).

Finally, "plural" is a term coined specifically to be inclusive of all systems, regardless of origin or disordered status. Plural was never a term that belonged only to disordered traumagenic systems, and to claim so is to actively speak over the inclusive systems responsible for coining the term and spread misinformation.

Tl;dr Endogenic and nondisordered systems exist, are valid, and should be believed about the ways they experience their own consciousnesses and brain. This is backed even by doctors in the field of "dismiss people who have abnormal experience of consciousness and supplant their narratives with what neurotypicals THINK is going on based on how we experience the actions of neurodivergent people. Trauma is not the only way to form a system, and intensely distressing mental illness is not the only way to BE a system.

The Epic the Musical server is unsafe for any systems, which as a DID system, makes us feel sad and angry and hurt.

Anti-en/dos, just block us. Even if you can come up with a new argument instead of the same repetitive and inane misinterpretations of scientific literature (or those actively disproven by scientific literature, no less) and pseudoreligious baseless beliefs about plurality, all I would do is tear apart the foundation of the new "argument" for bigoted exclusionism. I've already weighed more evidence than you've ever read, and I won't be convinced that this time the group just trying to live their lives and be accepted as they are is ACTUALLY harmful evil invaders faking and stealing resources because trust you bro. We also know more about our own mixed origins than you as a stranger are capable of ever discerning.

We've been harmed enough by fakeclaiming as a multiply physically disabled and neurodivergent queer traumaendo DID system to ALWAYS side with the people against fakeclaiming anyway, we BELIEVE minorities and especially neurodivergent people about what's going on inside their heads, and quite frankly, we just don't like exclusionist bigots (like you) and don't want exclusionist bigots (like you) interacting with our posts.

[nerdygaymormon]

I just found this blog and I got super excited because lately it’s been feeling like both my online and irl life surroundings have been trying to convince me that my faith and my sexuality (I realized about two years ago that I’m bi and I am also a very active member of the church) are two separate and sometimes even opposing sides to my identity even though I know that they’re just two ingredients in the Me Soup that don’t seem like they mix on paper but you can’t make Me Soup without both of those ingredients (sorry if that doesn’t make any sense). There are a few people that I’m out to and they get it but they don’t get it and even just skimming a few posts on this blog has helped me to feel a little better. I’ve never doubted that I’m loved and accepted by God and my family no matter what (thankfully) but it’s really hard to find other places that makes me feel totally accepted, whether we’re talking about my faith or my sexuality they have a hard time with. I also really appreciate that you seem to have an attitude of ‘what’s right for me won’t be right for other people’ instead of ‘there is a definitive right and wrong way to deal with this’ and I feel like that’s a really rare thing to find online. Thank you for creating this safe place to exist

Thank you for such a kind note!!!

As a queer person, I don't feel incompatible with God, but sometimes I have struggles with the LDS church and hope it will figure out that all are alike unto God.

Queer Mormons get each other in a way that few others do. Check the hashtag #queerstake and you'll find more of us. Also, we're on Discord at #queerward (DM me for more info)

There are some groups out there that may be of interest to you. I'll list a few of them:

Lift+Love has monthly zoom group meetings for people.

Affirmation is an organization for queer LDS people no matter where they are in their faith journey, and may have a local chapter near you where you can meet others (not all the chapters on the map are currently active, but worth a shot).

Last year was the first Gather Conference, and about 1400 people showed up to Provo for it. I'm not sure when it will be held in 2024, but if you're able to make it, I think you'll really get a lot from it. Meanwhile, you can check out videos of the presentations from the 2023 conference.

Beyond the Block podcast was maybe the first podcasts created to go with the Come, Follow Me study program. It is hosted by a gay man and a Black man. They aren't currently making new episodes, but they did weekly episodes for 4 years so there's likely an episode for nearly every week's Come, Follow Me lesson

Questions from the Closet is a podcast by two gay men in Provo. One recently married his husband and they still attend church, the other guy is also an active Latter-day Saint and just announced he's going to start dating.

Over the years I've written about a number of scripture verses from a queer perspective. One day I'll make a post which will contain links to all of them, but until then, you can do a search for the hashtags #queer faith & #queer scriptures.

I hope you find many resources and communities which affirm all that is part of your Me Soup.

[barbthebuilder]

Any tips on accepting gender fluidity? Ik i am but i keep trying to make myself fit the binary and i get so confused when my gender just ~shifts~

Great question anon! Thank you for reaching out :)

Our brains have this tricky mechanism that associates visuals, sounds and even smells with either femininity or masculinity. Pink, sweet perfume, high piched voice is a "girly" thing and darker shades, deodorant smell, deep voice - that "manly". It's mostly determined by our enviroment and how we were taught in our childhood. Now, it's hard to reprogram and convince our brains to stop segregatting others and ourselves in a binary way.

In that case it's good to think about how the brain was taught that in the first place. The answer is: observing.

If you surround yourself with people who challenge gender standarts you will start thinking differently. How to do that you ask? Internet is a wonderful tool for that for sure! For me it was tiktok, for you it may be tumblr or other social media. I recommend seeking out some queer social media creators (models, youtubers, bloggers etc.).

I dunno. Looking at women with beards and men with boobs helped me understand people come in different shapes.

What helped me was also surrounding myself in queerness in general. Books, movies, tv series (that aren't even canonicaly queer but could be interpreted that way) empowered me. Finding songs about different gender expressions, trying out pronouns in a safe enviroment (there are many lgbtq+ discord servers with special channels for that). Also! Shopping and trying out different outfits even just for fun!! Make up is another great way to experiment.

Another thing that helped me was addressing myself as genderfluid in my thoughts, using correct pronouns and giving myself affirmations. "I'm such a cool genderfluid", "feeling like a pretty boy today" etc. Changing your mindset is important! You can actually plant thoughts in your head and they will pop out more often the more you practice.

In addition to those universal tips you could try more personal approach. Try asking yourself: "why?". What keeps me from accepting myself as a genderfluid idividual? Am I scared? Embarassed? Confused? Try identifing your emotions. Challenge yourself a little. What would happen if I allowed myself to be genderfluid? Are there any struggles I would encounter? Maybe by asking right questions you will be able to undersnad that.

However, don't push yourself to do anything that is too uncomfortable. Maybe you are not ready for that yet or maybe some things are just not for you. It's totally normal to experience your struggle. Like I said, we were raised to think in a very binary way and it's not easy to change that.

Anyway, that's just my silly opinion. Take my words with a grain of salt. Good luck on your journey of self discovery and acceptance!

[ts-witchy-archive]

Hi, how r u?

I am Libra too. I want to know how to manifest very close friends in my life. Lately I have been struggling. I have moved locations and I am just not finding close friends.

Thanks

Hi Friend!

Thanks for the ask, I appreciate it. I'm good but rather tired today :) How are you?

As for the main question, I want to be completely transparent: you cannot manifest close friends. You can manifest people who could potentially be close friends, you can manifest to help foster closeness with people but you can't just manifest a close friend. Becoming close with people is a lot of work (unfortunately) and we tend to forget that fact after having a bunch of close friends who you've known for years. You forget the work you put in to get to that point. This is a trap I fell into recently and it's hard to get out of. It's especially hard if you're working full time and have very limited ways to meet people.

Anyways, on to manifesting.

Like most things, manifesting won't work if you don't put in the effort. I recommend joining a few local facebook groups, discord servers, community organisations, etc. Another option is just reaching out to co-workers (or fellow classmates if you're in education). Talk to anyone and everyone you can. Get their socials, text them, hang out with them, etc.

Personally, I love affirmations, I think they're wonderful. Every morning and night when you're doing your skin care, brushing your hair/teeth, doing basic hygiene stuff, say some affirmations along the lines of "I open myself up to close friendship" "I connect with people easily and comfortably" "People want to be close friends with me" "I have a strong support network". Being open to what the universe throughs your way is super important. If you're into crystals you can carry around some crystals to help with the manifesting. I love a mix of rose quartz, clear quartz and blue lace agate for relationship based manifestations. Mediation is also a great way to manifest.

I hope this kind of helps. If you have any questions please let me know and i'll do my best to answer them.

[luuurien]

Young Fathers - Heavy Heavy

(Neo-Psychedelia, Art Pop, Neo-Soul)

Short and euphoric bursts of neo-psych combined with African spirituals and the communal power of gospel, Heavy Heavy is both Young Father’s densest album to date and their most agile. These explosive pop songs bring a life to their music like never before.

☆☆☆☆

Young Fathers’ music has always been steeped in the power of connection, but never quite like Heavy Heavy. The trio’s multiracial makeup and embrace of both African musical tradition and their own futuristic blend of soul, hip-hop, glossy electronica and bombastic pop has made them one of the United Kingdom’s most compelling groups, willing to be a bit abrasive in order for their ideas to come across as vibrant as possible (see their sophomore release White Men Are Black Men Too or cuts from Cocoa Sugar like Turn or Picking You as examples), but Heavy Heavy rejects that angst in favor of an album that embraces spontaneity and joy, expanding on those elements of spirituals and gospel for a potent 30-minute album of absolute energy and emotional release. In places, Heavy Heavy is pointed in its politics, but it’s always in service of the communal heart of the album, about how people come together to celebrate one another and transcend that pain, thickly laid on the ears but delicate in its goals. The album is overwhelming with momentum, Young Fathers offering simple affirmations in their lyrics that grow into magnificent, transformative moments of pure feeling be it joyous or sad or furious, Heavy Heavy built to “...expel all {they} needed to expel.” By turning away from the slow-burn songcraft and linear R&B of their previous projects and towards short bursts of energy that convey so much in the span of just three minutes, Heavy Heavy makes its half hour of music some of the most transcendent of the year. Unburdened by the tension Cocoa Sugar used to make its statements on diasporic life and political discord within the U.K., Heavy Heavy manages its bigger ideas without having to be as direct in their delivery. Album single and opener Rice touches upon the exploitation of African land and resources (“We are mining / I am golden / You're not finding what we're holding”) without losing sight of the power solidarity with others holds, the explosive chanting of “These hands can heal” halfway through trading struggle for ecstatic resistance, and later highlights I Saw and Sink or Swim contrasting their own social commentary - Brexit for the former and drug dependence for the latter - with bombastic choruses and euphoric mantras. It’s often about the atmosphere of the songs more than anything else, but it works for Heavy Heavy because of how alive everything Young Fathers’ is doing is: the way Drum so vividly conjures the experience of sharing space with others through its playful songwriting and Kayus Bankole’s beautiful verse in Yoruba, or how Ululation hands vocal duties over to close friend Tapiwa Mambo for a heavenly embrace of everything a voice can do, with lush pianos and noisy synth pads sitting under her sturdy Shona singing of gratitude and hope. They don’t need to say much because the music connects with you in ways that language can’t do on its own, Tell Somebody’s gentle ambient pop swelling into a gargantuan finish where the band’s simple ask for honesty lands with desperation and heartache while the hefty groove and soft piano leads in Holy Moly embody the spontaneity and tension in its writing, Heavy Heavy as much about what Young Fathers are saying as it is how important the compositions are in making their intentions clear. Without the power and rich colors behind their writing, these songs wouldn’t be able to immerse you so deeply. The constant intensity of Heavy Heavy does lead the album to be a bit inconclusive, never quite finding stability by the time Be Your Lady comes to close things out, but more often than not the maddening pace of Heavy Heavy prevents it from coming undone. A few select tracks, Geronimo and Shoot Me Down try opening up the music to create a tender midsection, but they’re unable to resolve because of it, coming to life and fading away without grabbing your attention quite as swiftly as the rest of the songs, but the compromise between the ebb and flow of the songs is something Young Fathers generally balance quite well, Tell Somebody able to act as a comedown between the buoyant Drum and dreamy centerpiece Geronimo while the trilogy of Ululation, Sink or Swim and Holy Moly work together to give the final half of the album one more peak before it comes to a close. Young Fathers have never been afraid to experiment with their form, and Heavy Heavy reaps mighty rewards from their willingness to let the music guide itself, letting Rice wander about its handclap rhythms and plucky electronics before rushing into one final chorus that ensures the album kicks off on a delightful note. Though its restlessness can occasionally be a disadvantage, so much of Heavy Heavy’s power comes from always letting their creativity guide them without trying to direct it in only one direction. Heavy Heavy is about feeling, and not once is there a moment where the light of Young Fathers’ music is dimmed. Every song is glowing and expertly crafted, designed to move along with and sweep you into the band’s world of dizzying emotion. Without one specific goal in mind, Heavy Heavy touches on all sorts of ideas while cradling them in the ideals of communal warmth and connection letting you dance to the band’s volcanic pop and feel whatever it makes you feel - excitement, nervousness, sadness - anything goes here, and it makes Heavy Heavy one of the easiest to love albums in recent memory.  It ends quickly, but that means their offer to be fearless in expressing your deepest desires is always open. There’s always the opportunity to come to Heavy Heavy and let all your energy out in one fell swoop, Young Fathers achieving the universal understanding of one another their music has always strived for in one tightly-packed, always delightful listen. The transcendence of Young Fathers has never been so powerful and liberating.

[jewishtwig]

I’m 22 and although my family is supportive of me wanting to convert to Judaism, my mom is less than enthusiastic about it. My sister is fully supportive and enthusiastic, but she lives far away, and I don’t have any friends or family who are Jewish. I’m struggling with the feeling that I am alone in the process. Going to Shabbat helps, but I have yet to make any friends in my community, and before my conversion process ends, I know that I will be moving halfway across the country to a new synagogue and community (I have already spoken to my Rabbi about that detail) but do you have any advice for someone feeling a little isolated during their conversion? I find comfort in studying and prayer but it would be nice to affirm myself by making connections. I just don’t know where. Did you struggle with these feelings as well?

Hello! Congratulations on starting your journey!

I definitely relate to what you're saying here. Finding a good community is so incredibly important.

Would it be possible to reach out to the synagogue in the community you will be moving to and ask them if you can attend virtual events or if they can set you up with someone who knows the area well? I know my shul has a program to welcome people who are new to the area, and it is very helpful!

If that does not work out, for now, maybe try to find people and groups you connect with online. There are many blogs like mine, Facebook groups (ymmv), Discord groups, and other online forums for those going through the conversion process.

Good luck!

[dontcare77ghj]

Don’t Touch Them

Steve x reader x Bucky x Tony

"You stay by one of our sides at all times." You said, strapping a gun to your thigh.

"Absolutely no running off." Tony agreed.

"You have to tell us if you get hurt," Bucky added, pulling on his gloves.

"And you answer your coms no matter what," Steve told him.

"I know the rules, guys," Peter whined. "I'm not a kid."

"You are a kid, our kid. You're fifteen, Pete." Steve reminded him.

"I've been only plenty of missions before. I know what I'm doing." Peter insisted. "You don't have to worry about me."

"They're always going to worry, malen'kiy pauk," Natasha said, standing at your side. "It's their job."

"Well said, Natty." You smiled, taking your sister's hand.

"Though that being said, Peter has shown he is capable of these kinds of missions. Maybe tone down the pre-mission rule recitation." Natasha suggested.

"We'll take it under advisement." Bucky nodded as Tony muttered 'Fat chance.'

"Steve, it's time to brief everyone." Natasha reminded him. 

Steve nodded in affirmation before leading the five of you over to the others. Clint, Wanda, Sam, and Bruce were all standing around the table, waiting for the six of you.

"We've gone over this a hundred times this week alone, so I trust you all remember the plan." Steve began. "But we'll go over it one more time.

Natasha, Bucky, and I are going to infiltrate the base. Our job is to get the information as well as anything else that could be seen as useful. 

Wanda, Clint, and Sam are going to provide our back up. Make sure we get into the base, get the information, and get out.

Y/N, Tony, and Peter, you are going to take care of any agents you come across. Keep them out of the way, and make sure they don't get in ours.

Bruce, you'll be staying back here, manning the coms. We don't want you to let Hulk out if he's not needed. Is everyone clear on what they're doing?"

Murmurs of confirmation rang out through the jet.

"Right. And remember, no unnecessary risks." Steve reminded everyone. "I don't want anyone coming back injured. Alright, let's go." Steve said, picking up his shield.

"Make sure he doesn't do anything rash." You murmured to Bucky.

"Always, doll." Bucky smiled, pressing a kiss to your cheek as you all left the jet.

"We're up, you two," Tony said, bringing Peter with him.

"Right. Let's go."

You, Tony, and Peter were the first to leave. You would be the distraction to lure the guards out of the base, and hopefully, keep them distracted enough to not see the group of six entering the station.

"Alright, Tony, let's announce our arrival." You said, causing the man to chuckle.

"You got it, babe," Tony said before firing a repulsor at the front entrance.

The greeting worked just as you'd all planned, and before you knew it, agents were swarming out of the front entrance.

"Bet I can take out more agents than you." Tony bet as he shot a blast at a group.

"Bring it on, old man." Peter quipped, sticking people to the ground.

"Old man? Is this how children treat their parents nowadays? Y/N tell your son I am not an old man."

"When you say things like nowadays, even I think you're an old man." You said, shooting a man who came up behind Peter. "Pay attention, you two."

"Tony started it."

"Blasphemy."

"What did I do to be paired with the two of you?" You groaned.

"You love us." Tony teased.

"Unfortunately."

More agents were rushing out of the building, and at this point, you weren't sure if the others had made it into the base.

"How many more people can there possibly be?" Peter asked, webbing a man behind you. "The base is tiny."

"It's like the TARDIS, Spidey." Tony supplied. "Small on the outside, massive on the inside."

"I can't believe you just made a pop culture reference," Peter said, grin clear in his voice.

"I hate myself," Tony grumbled after a minute, causing you to smile.

Before anyone could say anything, there was a loud bang. Your head snapped back towards the base to see it was still standing. It was when Peter let out a shout that you knew what happened. 

"Tony!" 

You turned so fast you nearly fell over. But you turned just in time to see Tony falling out of the sky.

"Spider-man get over there and check on Tony." You ordered, taking out all the agents around you. 

"He's not responding, Y/N!" Peter cried. 

"Give me a minute." You told him. You raced over to where Peter was kneeling next to an unmoving Tony.

"Tony, Tony, come on, wake up, Tony." You demanded, hands hovering above his chest, unsure of if you could touch him. "Spider-man, contact the others. Let them know Tony needs help." You said, pulling out a pager-like device that was supposed to connect you to Tony's suit.

"Karen's offline," Peter informed you. "I can't reach anyone." He said as you cursed.

"JARVIS isn't working either. Help me lift him." You said, standing and pulling an arm over your shoulder. "We have to get him out of here."

"What about the others?" Peter asked.

"Okay new plan, you take Tony back to the jet. I'll go in and help the others." You said. "Wait, that doesn't work. You need back up. I'll get you to the jet and then get the others." 

"Great plan." Peter nodded, helping lift Tony. The two of you began to half run, half-speed walk Tony back to the jet. You were moving through the trees, trying to stay out of sight when you felt a burning pain in your knee.

You let go of Tony as you collapsed to the ground.

"Y/N!" Peter shouted, holding tight to Tony as his eyes widened at the sight of you. 

"Run! Get out! Go!" You shouted, one hand flying to your bleeding knee and the other raising your gun.

"I'm not leaving you," Peter said as men began to surround the three of you.

"Spider-man, get out of here." You ordered, shooting at the men advancing.

"I am not leaving you." Peter ground out, webbing people while still holding Tony up.

Before you could aim at another person, the remaining men had rushed forward and grabbed you and Peter.

You were struggling in the hold of three men, watching in horror as they took Tony out of Peter's grasp and pushed a needle into the spider's neck.

"Don't touch them." You snarled, attempting to wrench yourself away from the agents. "Don't you fucking touch them!"

The only response you received was a sharp blow to the temple before the world went dark.

The world came trickling back in slowly. Your head was pounding as you began to wake up. You let out a quiet groan as you forced your eyes open to the dimly lit room.

Looking down, you saw the situation you were. Clearly, your captors knew what you were capable of as they had bound you to the chair with metal bands.

Raising your head, you noticed you weren't alone. Across from you, Peter was bound similarly to you. His mask was missing, there was a streak of blood on his forehead, which you would be sure to question him about later, and an iv attached to his arm.

Tony lay on a table adjacent to the two of you, suit entirely stripped off and still unconscious. The only reason you knew he was still alive was his chest moving up and down rhythmically.

"Peter. Peter." You attempted to wake the boy. There was no point in trying to hide his identity anymore, everyone knew you'd adopted him. "Peter, wake up."

After several more minutes of prompting, Peter let out a low whine.

"Come on, Pete, I need you to wake up." You begged. "Peter, please." 

It took Peter a couple more minutes before he could open his eyes. His eyes were unfocused as his gaze drifted around the room before stopping on you.

"Mom?" Peter mumbled.

"It's me, Pete. I need you to try and get us out, med. You're the only one strong enough to get out of this." You told him.

"I don't know." The boy grumbled. "Don't know what I'm doing."

"I can help you, med." You assured him. "But it has to be you. I can't get out on my own, and I don't know where we've been taken or if the others know."

"We were in a truck. Woke up twice." Peter said. "'M scared, mom."

"I know you are, but you can do this, Pete. Do you trust me?" You asked, receiving a nod from him. "Then trust me with this. I need you to try and pull the iv out."

Peter gave you a jerky nod before trying to follow your instructions. Peter was having a difficult time trying to pull the iv out while still bound and under the effects of the drugs being pumped into his system.

He had almost pulled it out when the metal door slammed open. Light filled the room as three men strode into the room.

"Good morning. Were your accommodations to your likings?" A burly man asked with a grin.

"Not the worst I've experienced." You shrugged.

"Excellent to hear, Miss Romanova." He said, moving to stand behind Peter. "Your team has caused quite the discord towards mine."

"I could say the same thing about you."

"Unfortunately for you, our hospitality can only extend the course of one night. So here's our deal, you answer our questions, and the three of you can go home." The man bargained. 

"And if we don't?" You asked, raising a brow.

"As I said, our hospitality can only extend one night. Your stay here can, and will, become very uncomfortable for all three of you." He said, putting his hands on Peter's shoulders. "It seems like an inconvenience for everyone when all we want is a couple questions answered."

"Let me guess you want to know about SHIELD? The Avengers? No dice." You shook your head.

"Miss Romanova, I was under the impression you were a reasonable woman." The burly man sighed as the other two began to move towards Tony.

"Impressions can be misleading." You murmured, eyes drifting between the three men.

"That is true." He nodded, picking up a lead pipe from the ground. "Just like how I am not a nice man."

The man began to move in front of Peter as the other two picked up their tools of torture.

"Cowards." You loudly proclaimed. "You're all cowards if the best you can do is beat a child and an unconscious man."

"I'd watch my words if I were you." The burly man glowered.

"I'm not wrong. The best you can do is hurt a kid and a man who is already injured. The three of you are pathetic, weak, cowards." You said slowly with a smirk.

"I believe Miss Romanova is asking to see the extent of our skills." The man chuckled dryly. "Let's show her what exactly the kind of men we are." He said, moving away from Peter and towards you with the lead pipe.

You did not take your eyes off the men before you. Watching the three of them with a steely gaze, you made sure to keep your face blank.

The red room had trained you for these kinds of things.

The first blow came to your ribs, and despite the pain, you did not make a noise. The torture continued for what felt like hours, all three switching their methods at random intervals. 

"I'm sorry we had to hurt that pretty face to prove our point." The burly man said, not sounding at all apologetic.

"You didn't prove anything." You told him, spitting out the blood filling your mouth. "All you showed me is how pathetic you really are." You said, sitting up straight despite your ribs feeling as if they were nothing more than tiny shards. 

"Would you like to say that again?" The man snapped, picking up a crowbar from the ground. Without taking your eyes off the man, you caught movement behind him.

"I won't have to." You smirked, leaning back in your chair.

Peter suddenly appeared in front of you, having flipped over one man's head.

Peter made quick work of dealing with each of the men, knocking them all out before webbing them to the ceiling. 

Peter turned to help you out when you shook your head.

"Check on Tony." You told him. "Is he okay?"

"I think he's okay. He's got a bump on his head but that's probably from before." Peter told you, pulling away Tony's bonds.

"That's good." You nodded, looking around the room to find Tony's suit in the corner. "JARVIS? Are you functioning?"

"Yes, Miss." Came the A.I.'s voice after a second. Tony had fully integrated the A.I. into the suit about a year ago, allowing the suit to work without him inside.

"Can you form around Tony and give us a full medical review?" You asked as Peter came over to you.

"Of course, Miss," JARVIS responded as the suit began to move.

"Oh God, mom.” Peter whispered, looking you over. 

“I’m okay.” You assured him, concealing a wince as you sat up.”I’m okay, Pete. Can you get me out, med?” You asked him.

Peter nodded quickly and got to work on getting you out. As soon as your bonds were broken you pulled him into a hug.

“You did so well, Petey. I’m so proud of you.” You whispered. Peter had to help you stand as you looked over to where Tony was now fully inside his suit. “How are we looking, J?”

“Mr. Stark’s injuries do not bypass a moderate concussion and a sprained wrist. He is otherwise fine.” JARVIS informed you both.

“Think you can help us get out of here, J?” 

 “I most certainly can.” JARVIS responded, turning towards a wall and sending a repulsor beam at it.

“Thank you, JARVIS.” Peter said, helping you out of the newly created door.

“Any time, Peter. I should mention that there is a group rushing towards your location.” The A.I. informed you. “I would suggest you climb on, Peter.” JARVIS suggested as you were pulled into the suits arms.

Peter did as he was asked and climbed onto the back of the suit. The suit had just taken off as loud crashes sounded behind you. JARVIS piloted the three of you away from your temporary prison.

The three of you flew for several minutes before landing safely away on a nearby mountain. Peter had made sure you were laying down before kneeling next to Tony.

“Can you take the helmet off and call Steve, please, J?” You asked, barely raising your head.

“Of course, Miss.” JARVIS told you before removing the helmet. Peter began trying to wake Tony as you waited for Steve to answer.

“Hello? Tony? Tony is that you? Are you okay? Are Y/N and Peter with you?” Steve’s frantic voice came through.

“Stevie, we’re okay.” You attempted to soothe him. 

“Y/N, oh God, doll. Where are you?” Bucky asked. “Are Peter and Tony with you?”

“They’re here. We’re safe. Can you guys track the call and pick us up? I think we could all use a shower. And some medical assistance.”

“Why did you stop them?”

Tony had woken up five minutes before the jet had arrived. As JARVIS said Tony was fine for the most part, he had a massive headache and felt battered and bruised, but he would be up and running within the week.

Peter’s advanced healing had worked in his favor. The drugs were fully out of his system by the time you made it back to the tower and there was no lingering pain from being hit in the head.

You were a little more injured than the two. Several broken ribs, the gunshot to the knee, three broken fingers, broken nose, many cuts and more bruises than you could count. 

The team had arrived in under an hour. Natasha, Steve, and Bucky were the first out of the jet, smothering the three of you instantly. After hugging you, Natasha had moved Peter onto the jet while Steve and Bucky attended to you and Tony.

“I’m fine, Stevie.” You said as the blonde helped you stand.

“And I’m the Queen of England.” Tony snorted, leaning against Bucky. 

“Kitten, we’re not going to be fooled by that.” Steve shook his head. “It’s okay to admit you’re injured you know.”

“I’m going to remember that and say the exact same thing net time you do it.” You told him, causing Bucky to laugh.

You, Tony, and Peter had all been bundled into the medbay upon arriving back to the Tower. You’d needed some surgery for your leg and your ribs but otherwise the three of you had just been sentenced to bed rest.

After everyone else had left the three of you, Steve, and Bucky had pushed the beds together and all laid next to each other. It was nearing one in the morning and only you and Peter were awake.

“What do you mean, med?” You looked to the teen.

“Why did you stop them from hurting me? If you’d just let them hurt me you wouldn’t be like this.” Peter elaborated, playing with the hem of his shirt.

“Pete, I would go through years of pain, if it meant you didn’t have to feel it.” You said, taking his hand. “I will always keep you and your dads safe, no matter the cost. If I can help it, I’m never going to let anyone hurt you.”

“But you can’t heal like I can. You can actually get seriously hurt.”

“And I will take that pain. Every time. No matter what it means for me. I love you, and I love your dads. I will always protect you, detka.” You said, pulling Peter closer and kissing his head of curls.

“I love you too, mom.” Peter told you, curling into your side.

Remember Taglist and requests are always open.

Taglist

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[trans-axolotl]

cw/ medical trauma + genitalia. sorry if i use any words or refer to something incorrectly, im trying to learn!

so, im unsure if im.. allowed to claim myself as intersex. i was hoping that, being so involved with the community, you could help give insight.

i was raised as a girl. im an adult & trans. i had a "normal" female puberty, albeit a little early. a couple of years ago, my mom mentioned (while she was intoxicated) that as a baby i had [fused labia] that had to be "corrected" with estrogen cream + "a procedure". since then, ive noticed i have some numbing and scarring around my genitals.

hearing this was.. extremely traumatic for me. she described the way i cried. its taken a long time to process all of that + what it could mean. im scared to pull up medical records, both for if they say anything or dont.

im scared i might have an intersex condition that is either undiagnosed/not recorded, and could be affecting my already poor health without my knowledge; or that i was born intersex and it was taken from me, and that i dont live with or have any evidence left in my body to prove that; or that im simply not intersex, and im obsessed with this train of thought and just *wish* to be intersex as some kind of dysphoric internalized -phobic trans-affirmation that im not a girl.

sorry if this is kind of heavy, i dont really have anywhere to talk about this and have been struggling with it on my own for a while. if you have any advice or insight id appreciate it 💜

hey anon 💜💜💜

I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you as a baby, and I can understand how upsetting and traumatic it would be just to learn about it now. whatever space you need to take for anger, grief, fear—you deserve to have time to process this information and your feelings. And you deserve to have support while going through this.

This sounds like an incredibly difficult way to find out the possibility that you might be intersex. While I can’t tell you anything for certain, I can tell you that the things you are describing are things that I have heard from many other intersex people. Your experiences do sound a lot like you might be intersex. Things like surgery, scarring, vague explanations—those are things a lot of intersex people have experienced. And I want to say that it doesn’t sound like you obsessed with being intersex for a weird reason or anything like that. I think your reaction to learning about your surgery at birth makes a lot of sense, and you are not being weird or intrusive towards the intersex community at all. Most of all, I want to say that it’s okay for you to reach out to intersex community and participate in these spaces without you knowing for certain whether or not you are intersex. The process of intersex discovery can be complicated and painful, and you don’t need to go through it alone. Your experiences you’re describing here are ones that a lot of intersex people can resonate with and help you get through them, and can help you with things like next steps or medical records if that’s what you want to do.

I can understand why it would be scary either way to discover for certain whether you’re intersex or not. And I can understand why it would maybe feel intimidating or complicated to be approaching intersex spaces or talking about the possibility of being intersex. But it is absolutely okay for you to reach out, to talk about your experiences, and to use the label intersex when you think it’s relevant. Feel free to send asks or dm me whenever you want. I am also totally happy to send you an invite link to an intersex discord that would welcome you if you send me a message off anon.

I’m so sorry for everything that’s been taken from you and for what you’re going through right now. You are not alone in this. I truly wish you the best 💜💜💜

Intersex followers, if you want to add on any words of comfort or advice for anon, please do!

[aterlupus]

Varis's Speech Transcription (Part 1 of 2)

Part Two: Link Here

I've been meaning to post this for a while since I talk about it a lot but I want to finally have it written out. This will be a long post since I am essentially posting the entire cutscene three times over (The English Text, the JP Text, and my translation of the JP text.) Please note I don't consider myself fluent in Japanese and I do not claim this translation is perfect. This is why I post the JP text alongside it in case there is some things of note I might have missed.

If you ever see an asterisk in parenthesis like this: (***) it corresponds to a footnote at the bottom of the post. 

OK to Reblog

...

ENG: Varis: Esteemed representatives of the Eorzean Alliance -- on behalf of the Garlean Empire, I thank you for inviting me here today. As this parley was convened at your request, I invite you to speak first.

JP: ヴァリスゾス・ガルヴァス：エオルゼアの盟主たちよ我こそ、ガレマール帝国第二代皇帝ヴァリスゾス・ガルヴ ァスである。 まずは聞かせてもらおうか、停戦を訴える貴公らの言い分を……。 TL: Varis: Lords of Eorzea, I am the second Emperor of Garlemald, Varis Zos Galvus. First, you should let me know what you have to say about the ceasefire. (*)

ENG: Nanamo: Very well, Your Radiance, I, Nanamo Ul Namo, Seventeenth in the line of Ul, should be pleased to oblige you.

JP: ナナモ・ウルナモ；それでは、わらわ、ウルダハ第十七代国王、ナナモ・ウル・ナモより、エオルゼア都市軍事同盟の総意を伝えよう。 TL: Nanamo: Now then, let me, Nanamo Ul Namo, 17th King of Ul'dah, convey the consensus of the Eorzean Military Alliance.

ENG: As recent events in Ala Mhigo and Doma have made plain, the subjugation and exploitation of neighboring nations is not a sustainable policy.

JP: ナナモウルナモ：貴国、ガレマール帝国の力による支配は、一時は成功しようとも、必ずや綻びが生じることは明白アラミゴ、ドマでの戦はその証左であった。 TL: It is clear that rule by the power of your country, the Garlemald Empire, will surely break even if it succeeds for a while, and the battle in Ala Mhigo and Doma was proof.

ENG: Should this day end in war, you may very well defeat us, but you will never extinguish the people’s desire for freedom. Though it may not be in our lifetime, there will be another revolution, another war, and the cycle will continue.

JP: ナナモウルナモ：我らはたとえ、此度の戦に敗れたとて幾世代にもかけて、自由を求め戦い続けるであろう。この終わりなき負の連鎖は、ここで断ち切らねばならぬ。 TL: Even if we lose the battle, the fight for freedom will continue for generations to come. This endless negative chain must be broken here.

ENG: Doma has entered into a concord with the nations of Eorzea. A partnership wherein we recognize one another as equals. Garlemald could be afforded similar treatment. You need only set aside your ambitions and join us in paving a path towards peace.

JP: そして、我らエオルゼア諸国、並びにドマ国は、各々が独立を保ちながらも、確かな同盟関係を結んでいる。そ���たらガレアン人国家とも、平和裏に手を取ることができるはず。 TL: And as well, the countries of Eorzea were able to form a solid alliance with the countries of Doma, all while maintaining their independence. If this is the case, then we should be able to peacefully take hands with those of the Garlean Nation. Now is the time to abandon your grudges and desire for control, and seek a way of coexistence, is it not?

ENG: Varis: Hmph! You will not win me over with sophistry, Your Grace.

JP: ヴァリス・ゾス・ガルヴァス: フン…説弁だな。 TL: Varis: Hah, So that’s your excuse?

ENG: As you know only too well, this alliance lacks the strength to keep the peace within its own borders. Even now, your struggles with the beastmen continue unabated.

JP: ヴァリスゾス・ガルヴァス：いまでこそ同盟関係にあるのやもしれんが、エオルゼアとて、かつては国同士の戦争や内乱が絶えなかったさらに言えば、今なお「蛮族」との争いを続けておる。 TL: Maybe you call yourself an alliance, but Eorzea is still fighting with the “Barbarians”(**), and once before, the wars and civil wars between your nations were constant.

ENG: Divided, you sow this fertile soil with the seeds of your differences and reap naught but discord and chaos for your trouble. Eorzea must be united under one leader, one purpose. I would offer you both and bring an end to your strife.

JP: ヴァリスゾス・ガルヴァス：断言するが、国が分かたれていれば、争いの種は尽きることはないすべての民が、ひとつ理想の下に集わぬかぎり終わりなき負の連鎖とやらは、断ち切れはせぬというものよ。 TL: Varis: I do affirm, that if the nations are separated, the seeds of conflict will never run out. Unless all people are gathered under one ideal, the endless negative chain will indeed never be cut off.

ENG: Lyse: With all due respect, Your Radiance, the only thing that you offered the people of Ala Mhigo was fear and hopelessness.

JP: リセ：お言葉だけど…帝国に支配されたアラミゴでは、属州民は自由を奪われ虐げられ、恐怖と絶望の下で生きていたそれが、帝国の掲げる理想というものなの。 TL: Lyse: If I may have a word... In Ala Mhigo, which was dominated by the Empire, the people were deprived of freedom, oppressed, and lived in fear and despair. That is the ideal of the empire.

ENG: Hien: The citizens of Doma can also attest to the meager alms of Imperial Rule. There is no purpose to be found in a life of oppression, each day more uncertain than the last.

JP: ヒエン：ドマも同じだ……。支配された民は圧政に怯え、明日をも知れぬ身に、皆、震えていた. TL: Hien: The same rings true for the people of Doma, the ruled people were terrified of oppression, and trembled in the face of tomorrow.

ENG: Lyse: Our people are willing to die for their freedom. A great many already have. And countless more will, if we don’t put an end to this madness here and now.

JP: リセ：結果、自由を求めて戦が起こり、多大な犠牲が出ることになった。帝国のやり方は、悲惨な争いを生むだけなんだ。 TL: As a result, war broke out for the sake of Freedom, and at a great cost. The Empire’s way only creates disastrous conflicts.

ENG: Varis: We brought order and stability to your lives. This madness and bloodshed is of your own making. You broke the peace, not Garlemald.

JP: ヴァリスゾス・ガルヴァス：統治者に逆らい争いを起こしたのはそちら。圧政を敷かざるをえんのも、反逆者が絶えぬため従っていれば、平和は約束されていたものを・。 TL: That was those who fought against their ruler. The reason why we have put up these oppressive rules is because peace was promised if the Rebels obeyed, but they only continue to rebel.

ENG: Raubahn: Peace? Order? You kill our people, despoil our lands, take everything that is ours. And what? You expect us to lick the boot that grinds out faces into the dirt?

JP: ラウバーン：仲間を殺され、祖国を疎潤され、すべてを奪われた者たちが、大人しく従うことはない反旗を翻すのも当然のことではないか………？ TL: Raubahn: Our friends were killed, we were deprived of our homeland, and deprived of the ability to rebel against the Empire, and what of the sacrifices of those who obeyed quietly...?

ENG: Varis: I expect you to weigh the costs. To recognize that countless lives have been lost on both sides in pursuit of a greater good -- and to not squander all that we have achieved in a fit of petulance.

JP: ヴァリス・ゾス・ガルヴァス：その反逆によって出たこちらの犠牲も、決して少なくはない。戦死した兵らにも、それぞれの人生があったのだ。尊い犠牲を無駄にせぬためにも、歩みを止めるわけにはいかん。 TL: Varis: The sacrifices made by the Rebellion are not small. The soldiers who died in the war also had their own lives. You cannot stop walking this path, so that you do not waste their precious sacrifices.

ENG: Aymeric: Your Radiance, I fear I can personally attest to the dangers of pursuing one’s vision with such righteous fervor.

JP: アイメリク：では、私から少し話をさせていただこう。 TL: Aymeric: Please, permit me to talk a bit.

ENG: For a thousand years, the Holy See of Ishgard waged war with dragons. A thousand years of sacrifice, of sorrow and hate, in which we bathed in the blood of friend and foe alike. Had it gone on any longer, we may well have drowned.

JP: アイメリク：我が国、イシュガルドは千年にわたってドラゴン族と戦ってきた。双方とも犠牲の山はうず高く積まれるばかり、戦はどちらかが滅びるまで続くものと思われた。 TL: Aymeric: My country, Ishgard, has been fighting dragons for a thousands years. On both sides, the mountains of sacrifices were piled up high, and the war was expected to continue until one of us died out.

ENG: Yet we have chosen to raise ourselves out of this bloody spiral, and have since made peace with our former enemy.

JP: アイメリク：しかし、我々とドラゴン族は千年の禍根を乗り越え、竜詩戦争を終結させ、融和の道を歩み始めたのだ貴国との間にも、必ずや和平の可能性があるはず… TL: Aymeric: However, we and the dragons overcame this millennia of wrath, and ended the Dragonsong War, and we have begun a path of reconciliation. There must be way... to have peace with your country.

ENG: Varis: So I understand. No doubt the dragons were more receptive to your overtures in the wake of their leader’s demise.

JP: ヴァリスゾス・ガルヴァス：その融和とやらも、竜の頭目かの邪竜を殺すことでのみ、成し遂げたと聞くが？ TL: Varis: I hear your reconciliation was only achieved by killing the Evil Dragon, the Head of the Dragons...

ENG: You speak of peace, yet use war to achieve it. Your father would not have bothered to obscure his intent with honeyed words. He understood that strength is all that mattered in the end.

JP: ヴァリスゾス・ガルヴァス：私は、美辞麗句を語る責様より、強大な力によって、すべての者を統べようとした先の教皇にこそ、共感を覚えるのだがな。 TL: I sympathize with the Pope, who tried to rule with great power, rather than to shift responsibility by speaking in rhetoric.

ENG: Without his clarity of vision, I can but wonder what will become of Ishgard and her people. There was a time when Garlemald too lacked a leader of conviction. Weak and unable to wield magic, we were at the mercy of the strong, from whom we sought refuge in the bitter cold of the north.

JP: ヴァリス・ゾス・ガルヴァス：まったく話にならぬな………。そもそも、「己の国」とやらの定義は何なのだ. ガレアン族は、故郷を追われた民である先天的に魔法が使えぬ我らは、領土争いに敗れ、北方の寒冷地に追いやられた歴史を持つ。 TL: That is to say... In the first place, what even is the definition of “My country”? The Garleans have a history of being displaced from their hometowns, who are congenitally unable to wield magic, and have been defeated in territorial disputes and driven to the freezing regions of the north.

ENG: Were it not for the discovery of ceruleum, and the subsequent development of magitek, we might never have gained the power to take back which was rightfully ours.

JP: ヴァリスゾス・ガルヴァス：そこで青燐水を発見し、魔導技術を得たからこそ、領土を取り戻し、強国へ成長することもできたが…それまでは厳しい生活の中、苦汁をなめてきたのだ。 TL: It is because we discovered ceruleum, and acquired the ability to wield magic skills, that we were able to regain territory and grow into a powerful country. Until then, it had been a bitter and difficult life.

ENG: Merlwyb: You speak as if your people were the first to have been driven from their homes. Limsa Lominsa was built by wayward souls in search of a place to call their own. On the shores of Vylbrand we found it, and from those humble beginnings did we grow and flourish. And all without robbing our neighbors of their liberty.

JP: メルウィブ：我らリムサ・ロミンサの民も、同じく故郷を追われた身だ。それでも、新天地を切り開いて海の都を築き上げた。だが、必要以上の拡大はせぬ。不遇な境遇だからとて、侵略が肯定されるわけではない。 TL: Merlwyb: The people of Limsa Lominsa are also displaced from their hometowns. Still, we opened up a new world and built a city of the sea. However, we didn’t expand more than necessary. The aggression is not there because of the unfavorable circumstances.

ENG: Varis: So sayeth the pirate. Am I to believe that you simply asked the kobolds to yield up their lands, and that they were happy to oblige you? That you did not drive them out like rats in the hold of one of the man ships seized by your “privateers”?

JP: ヴァリスゾス・ガルヴァスさすがは海賊、略奪が日常ゆえに忘れてしまったか？バイルブランド島を、先住民のコボルド族から奪ったことをもっとも、蛮族を駆逐するとは、よい心掛けだがな。 TL: Varis: As expected from a Pirate... have you forgotten this because looting has become an every day occurrence? Taking Vylbrand Island from the indigenous Kobolds was the best way to get rid of those Barbarians.

ENG: I will concede that, after centuries of exile, reclamation may be mistaken for invasion. Nevertheless, it is not -- and those who till stolen soil have no right to object when cast out in turn.

JP: ヴァリスゾスガルヴァス：ガレアン族が故郷を取り戻すまでの数百年間で、その土地に根付いた民にとってみれば、我らは所詮、侵略者。相互理解などという、生ぬるいもので共存できようはずもない。 TL: In the hundreds of years it took for the Garleans to regain their homeland, for the people rooted in the land, we are, after all, invaders. There is no way we can coexist with lukewarm things such as a mutual understanding.

ENG: Kan E Senna: Your uncompromising nature rivals that of the Ixal. They too lament circumstances which they themselves perpetuate. Were they but to embrace peace, we would welcome them with open arms. Indeed, some few have done just that, and now receive the Twelveswood’s bounty.

JP: まるで・…行き場がないと嘆き、黒衣森の恵みを奪うことで精霊の心を乱す、イクサル族のようです。しかし、そんなイクサル族のなかにも、己の拠り所をみつけ充足を得た者たちもいます。 TL:  Kan E Senna: Ah... It’s just like that Ixali tribe. You lament there is no place to go, and are like them, who disturb the Spirits by robbing the Blessings of the Twelveswood. However... there are some Ixal Tribes who have found their own bases, and they are satisfied.

ENG: Kan E Senna: Would that your people might learn from their example.

JP: カヌ・エ・センナ：ガレマール帝国にも、拡大路線だけでなく、民の幸福を実現する、ほかの道があるのではないでしょうか？ TL: Kan E Senna: Isn’t the Garlemald Empire not just an expansion route, but a way to achieve a means of well-being for the people?

ENG: Varis: You would dare compare us to the birdmen? You who thought to invoke the Twelve and threaten all of creation?

JP: ヴァリス・ゾス・ガルヴァス：まさか、我らが蛮族に喰えられようとはな・。容易く神に救いを求めるそちらこそ、世界の���威だ。 TL: It is impossible to compare, considering you would have been consumed by the Ixali if not for threatening the whole world with the summoning of your Gods...

ENG: I came here in the hope of finding some speck of common ground, but I see now these discussions will accomplish nothing. Despite what you people may believe, I am not wont to choose the sword over the olive branch. ‘Tis but a pity men are loath to accept one without first being shown the other.

JP: 少しでも停戦の可能性があればと、会談の申し出を受けたものの、このままでは、将が明かぬな。 こちらとて、無駄な血は流したくないのだがやはり、武力で語り合うしかないということか。 TL: I was offered a parley if there was any possibility of a ceasefire, but I believe it has been made clear to me... I don’t want to shed wasted blood, but after all, I have no choice but to talk only by force. (***)

ENG: Alisaie: Wait, I beg you! This meeting was supposed to be a chance to find a way forward together, not to bemoan the missteps which brought us here.

JP: 待ってせっかく、敵対し続けてきた者同士が会談の場を持てたのだから、もう少し話し合いましょう。 TL: Wait, we have been hostile this whole time before even having a chance to meet, so please, let us talk a bit more!

ENG: Please -- if you truly consider violence a last resort, there must be a way we can come to an agreement.

JP: お互い戦いを望んでいないのなら、過去の非をあげつらうのでなく、停戦に向けて歩み寄るべきよ.  TL: Alisaie: If you don’t want to fight each other, you should walk towards a ceasefire instead of blaming the past.

ENG: Nanamo: As Mistress Alisaie says, we did not come here to bicker over the past, but to discuss how we might strive towards a brigter future. Emperor Varis, may I suggest a short recess, that all present might compose themselves prior to begin anew?

JP: ナナモウルナモ：確かに……その通りじゃ。この会談は、お互いの未来に向けて話し合うはずであった。ヴァリス殿、議論がもつれてしまったいま休憩を挟んで、皆で頭を冷やしてから、改めて話し合わぬか。 TL: Nanamo: Certainly... That’s right. This talk was supposed to discuss each other’s futures... Lord Varis, now that the discussion has become muddled, let us take a break, cool our heads, and then discuss again.

ENG: Varis: Very well. I pray this intermission will suffice to move these talks in a more constructive direction.

JP: ヴァリスゾス・ガルヴァス：よかろう。一服の後に、建設的な話ができることを期待しているぞ。 TL: Good luck. I hope we can talk constructively after the break.

...

*Worth noting Varis did not actually give them the same sort of in like he did in English, in Japanese they begin to tear into him with no prompting to do so, making them appear even less professional.

** In saying “Barbarians” in quotes, He means the beast tribes. Garleans refer both to Eorzeans and the Beast Tribes with the term Barbarians, which is why he highlights this, because he knows the Eorzeans consider the Beast Tribes to be lesser, while Varis considers them to be the same.

*** He is essentially saying the group has not really given him a chance to talk about peace at all, and therefore, he will talk about peace only by force. (Essentially saying “I suppose I’ll actually be able to talk peace with you once I defeat you. Because we aren’t talking about it right now.”)

...

I’m breaking this post into two so this is the end of the first cutscene, the second one I will link to later.

[destinyvoiddreaming]

Bad Things Happen Bingo 1

Summary: Tommy’s having a bad day and the stress of everything gets to him. What’s worse, though, is how he’s already spiraling down a rabbit hole.

Notes: Written based around three prompts, which are listed at the endnotes, along with some songs that are mentioned within the story.

           This story is me writing the CC’s minesonas and putting them in the real world. I haven’t watched the CC’s videos/streams for a while, so I am basing this purely off of memory and fanfic, so I apologise for any inaccuracy or OOC-ness.

Warnings: Referenced abuse, Implied past abuse

Also Posted: Ao3 (LightningCyclone)

Tommy sighed as he ended the stream, looking at the mountain of schoolwork he had to do. Damn it. Better get started on it, though, or else it’d overflow and he’d never finish it. He opened a voice chat on discord, just in case someone wanted to talk. Or, at least, that’s what he told himself. He didn’t want to tell himself the real reason.

Over the next hour, Tommy played some music in the background while he completed his homework. It was slow going, but he eventually finished it and decided to just mess around with the guitar he keeps in his room.

«»«»«»

Wilbur smiled when he saw Tommy in a vc on discord. He’d started a ‘Just Chatting!’ stream on Twitch a couple hours ago, and he was really enjoying himself. However…

“Chat, d’you want to see if Tommy wants to chat with us?”

Replies, almost immediately, started flooding the chat, overwhelmingly affirmative, so Wilbur joined the vc Tommy was in and went to greet him when he heard the strumming.

“Wasting your time, you’re wasting mine,

Hate to see you leaving, fate worse than dying.

Your city gave me asthma, that’s why I’m fucking leaving,

Your water gave me cancer, the pavement hurt my feelings.

Shout at the wall, ‘cause the walls don’t fucking love you.

Shout at the wall, ‘cause the walls don’t fucking love you.

There’s a reason London puts barriers on the tube line.

There’s a reason London puts barriers on the rails.

There’s a reason London puts barriers on the tube line.

There’s a reason London puts barriers on the rails.

There’s a reason London puts barriers on the tube line.

There’s a reason. They fail.”

Wilbur, though he was concerned at the amount of emotion Tommy was singing with, hid it behind a smile as he gave an applause with his chat spamming compliments for Tommy’s singing.

«»«»«»

FreshSmash: Doesn’t he sound like that one really small-time YouTube singer, Songbird or something?

Wawawoo: Yeah, he does

DorkyCocoa: Who?

«»«»«»

Tommy startled at the applause coming from his headphones and almost dropped his guitar trying to put them on.

“Woo! Tommy, that was awesome!”

“Thanks, Big dubs! I was really fucking bored, so I decided to just fiddle around with my guitar.”

“Well, you’re really good at it. I’m currently streaming, but I think it’s time to finish it off, wouldn’t you?”

“How about one more song, Wil? I’ve taken a look at your chat, and it seems like they want another one.”

Affirmative replies spammed through the chat, and Tommy laughed.

“Okay! I’ve got a song in mind, if you’d like me to sing it…?”

“Go ahead, Tommy!”

“This one is directed to a person or two in particular, but I’m not mentioning them; they’ll know it’s them if they watch this.”

“Okay. Start when you’re ready.”

“You gave me a shoulder when I needed it,

You showed me love when I wasn’t feeling it,

You helped me fight when I was giving in,

And you made me laugh when I was losing it.

‘Cause you are, you are, the reason why I’m still hanging on.

‘Cause you are, you are, the reason why my head is still above water.

And if I could, I’d get you the moon, and give it to you.

And if death was coming for you, I’d give my life for you.

‘Cause you are, you are, the reason why I’m still hanging on.

‘Cause you are, you are, the reason why my head is still above water.

And if I could, I’d get you the moon, and give it to you.

And if death was coming for you, I’d give my life for you.

‘Cause you are, you are, ooh, you are.

Ooh, you are, you are.

‘Cause you are, you are, the reason why I’m still hanging on.

‘Cause you are, you are, the reason why my head is still above water.

And if I could, I’d get you the moon, and give it to you.

And if death was coming for you, I’d give my life for you.”

“Wow. That was really good, Tommy!”

“Thanks, Wil.”

“Anyway, it’s time to end this stream, so, thank you all for coming down, it’s been fun. I’ll try to stream more again soon, it’s been wonderful having you all here, goodnight!”

«»«»«»

Wilbur closed down his stream, exiting out of twitch and focusing fully on the discord call he was in with Tommy.

“Tommy?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you turn on your camera?”

“… Okay.”

The camera flicked on, revealing Tommy’s tear-streaked face, his right eye bruising and lip swollen.

“Oh, Tommy…”

“Yeah.”

“Why were you singing Jubilee Line? You know where the lyrics came from, right?”

“I… Yeah. Yeah, I do know where the lyrics came from. That was… That was kinda the point, sort of?”

“Tommy, those lyrics came from a really bad place.”

“I know, Wil.”

“Why were you singing them?”

“The lyrics came from a bad place, I know this. And, sometimes… It feels like I’m being sucked further down a rabbit hole. A bad one. And I don’t know how to get out.”

«»«»«»

Wilbur went silent.

“But- but I should be able to get out, right? So, why can’t I? Am I that- that stupid, that I can’t get out of it? I-”

“Tommy.”

“Yeah?”

“What- what’s the rabbit hole like? How’d you fall into it?”

“I- It was… It was small, unnoticeable, at first and…”

«»«»«»

Wilbur listened, upset and horrified, as Tommy told his story. How hadn’t they noticed it? How hadn’t they noticed that the youngest on the SMP was struggling so much?

If the people doing this to you want it to be hidden, then you go to every measure you can to make sure no one finds out, a traitorous voice in his head whispered. Just like you did.

“Tommy, your parents shouldn’t be doing that to you. That- that’s abuse, and neglect, and-”

“I know it is, Wil, but I can’t just leave!” Tommy’s voice was choked with tears, like he was trying to hold the sobs back.

The sound of a door opening sounded through the vc, and a human silhouette showed in the light that came from the open doorway. The figure, whoever they were, caused Tommy to relax, which Wilbur was thankful for. The person was decently tall, possibly taller than Tommy, if only slightly, and their blonde hair was eerily similar to Tommy’s. Must be a relative, then.

The person was whispering to Tommy, and, though Wilbur couldn’t hear what was being said, he knew that it was calming Tommy down.

Wilbur watched on as Tommy slowly let down the façade he put up, melting into a hug from the figure.

«»«»«»

Cadmus smiled down at his brother, before glancing up at the screen that was still glowing slightly from the discord call Theo was in with Wilbur.

“Thanks, mate.”

“It’s no problem, um…”

“Clay. Tommy’s older brother.”

“Well, it’s no problem, Clay. Look after him, yeah?”

“Of course.”

“I’ll log off now, hope he feels better in the morning.”

“Bye, Wilbur.”

Cadmus logged out of the vc and closed discord, before saving the websites Theo would need for school later on and shutting the computer down.

«»«»«»

Wilbur sighed as the person logged out of the vc and discord as a whole, before remembering that he’d somehow known his name. It could be that Tommy talked about the SMP members and basic appearances, but the man’s voice was somewhat familiar as well.

Come to think of it, actually, he’d spoken with Clay before, but where?

«»«»«»

Cadmus took a breath before pulling Theo tighter to him and picking him up, moving him to the bed and laying down next to his younger brother. Theo seemed to snuggle closer to him, and so he started running his fingers through his brother’s untamable hair, causing Theo to start crying into his chest.

God, this kid…

Notes: Anonymous Singer!Tommyinnit is mentioned, but never explicitly stated. Also, ‘Clay’ is a fake name, obviously, that Tommy (Theo)’s brother gives to Wilbur. This is probably going to be the first part in a series, and there’s a vague hint to who ‘Clay’/Cadmus is, so you can make guesses in the comments, and I’ll do my best to respond to them.

Bad Things Happen Bingo (Tumblr):

Prompt: Cry into chest

MCYT prompts (Ao3; littlepisspie):

Prompt: Chapter 4 – Tommy sitting in vc alone, starts singing, Wilbur streaming and joins, etc.

Songs (YouTube):

Prompt: Jubilee Line – Wilbur Soot

Prompt: Get You The Moon – Kina

[kingsephir]

Idk I feel like being a girl gamer in the pandemic has made me pretty down on myself at times. I’m not like, great at games and I don’t need to be good but I make a lot of stupid mistakes and I get called out on every single one of them and I thought I was just used to it but tbh lately it’s really been getting to me. Enough so that A: I’ve kinda stopped playing so much and B: the few nice comments i’ve gotten recently has actually made me cry.

It’s just like, I get no affirmation. (Other than from my husband and his family and some from friends but I don’t even see them that often- which helps me stay grounded tbh)

And I haven’t for months and months. There’s no grades to show im doing something right, I’m always disappointing myself tbh and falling short of my own ridiculous expectations, and tho I have like a god complex I talk to /myself/ badly too on top of it all.

Having the JET discord has made me feel more useful again. I like being relied on, being trusted. So I’m very excited to be in Japan and not only helping teach but also helping my husband and being a guide for those who visit me and just doing something with myself. Something structured. With clear-ish goals. Something I can work at, with clear-ish results.

I honestly don’t think I could have gone on like I have much longer. I need structure and as of right now I can’t give myself structure. I struggle and struggle to do so but I haven’t succeeded yet.

I just want to be taken seriously but I barely feel like I deserve to be taken seriously and when people do take me seriously I’m like but why??? And omg I shouldnt be talking so much, im talking so much and so loud oh why am I so embarrassing why do I mess everything up??? And meanwhile I’m pretty sure the person actually wants to hear what I have to say because they asked the question to me about me/ny opinion anyways? It’s silly! I hate it! I’m done feeling this way! Im over it! I’m ready for my god complex and arrogance to come back in full force.

I just want a job, a purpose, to move forward.

I know I asked for a break. I asked for it since 5th grade. “Lord, when I graduate, when I finally finish my schooling, please give me a break.” And now, just in time I’m starting up again. (Could have done without the trauma but you know? Fair-payment for what wonders are out ahead of me)

I’m thankful for those who are kind to me and build me up and help me learn. I really appreciate you all.

Okay im done ranting.

5 days until my flight 4 until I leave for chicago…

[humble-wayside-flower]

Right Side Wrong (X)

Songs for Marin and Matthias Magwood // City With No Sky Pt. 2  (Marin on the left, Matthias on the right)

*~*~*

I’ll Be Your Mirror - Lowland Hum (A song for parallel universes and for someone who is so different but also very much the same)

When you think the night has seen your mind That inside you’re twisted and unkind Let me stand to show that you are blind Please put down your hands ‘Cause I see you

Secret for the Mad - Dodie (Sort of my song for Marin <3 You have to go through the hard stuff to get to the better stuff, but someday this will all make sense) 

I’ve got a secret for the mad In a little bit of time it won’t hurt so bad And I get that I don’t get it But you will burn right now, but then you won’t regret it

Close to Home - Vienna Teng (Home, Home, Home. It’s important to them both, but especially so to Marin. Learning to let go of the physical home, but also maybe the ideological home, and trying to build a new one, while stumbling upon the way.)

Lay your head where they hold Hide the demarcations of your soul And play your silent scream role Harmonize your own worth to what you show Normalized and nowhere close to home

O Magnum Mysterium - Morten Lauridsen (”The singing is slightly discordant, not quite right, unsettling to listen to. Through the making of music that sounds as pained as they feel inside do the priestexes of the Silent One grieve their dead… The dissonance resolves into a more traditional chord; the voices finish in something still sad, but more at peace.” --This is the song I’ve imagined in this spot from the moment that session ended. While it isn’t really a mournful song, there was never going to be another one that fit this part better in my head.)

Latin Choral Piece

Can’t Go Back - The Crane Wives (The ever present mantra, it’s not fair. It’s not fair because this was my home too, and my friend too, and no you don’t get to kick me out of my own home, I won’t leave. Except you do, and you do.) 

Cause you can’t go back, darling The time has come for moving on You can’t be always trying to dig up What you’ve already buried You’ve got to carry carry carry on

Prelude - Tessa Violet (A song for Nora. For two people with walls they haven’t fully broken down. A song for wanting to know more about who a person is behind the things a person does. A song for offering friendship, and a song for hesitance that is hard to get past.) 

I’m insecure Of that I’m sure Don’t need a counselor or seminar to see And even when it’s only you and me There seems to be Somethin’ that you keep behind your teeth

The Loneliness Waltz - The Ballroom Thieves (A song for Raye. For two people in the same boat, even when the oceans are different. A song for wanting other people to want you so badly that you never quite learn to stop giving yourself to people who are not paying attention. A song for picking yourself up again and again anyways.)

We are frivolous with our hearts Watch them bend till they break Then we pick up the parts Yeah, we give, we take We save and condemn And we live just to love again

We’re Not Different - Lo-Fang (A song for Yani Shae. For the weird sensation of looking at a person, and feeling like you’re looking at a distorted mirror. The same but different. Different but the same. I have a lot of thoughts about Yani and Marin and the act of having faith in a deity that is all about random chance, but that’s a whole other post.) 

You look at me but don’t see what I see I’m different But we’re not different Take this plant To feel how I feel Now we’re different But we’re not different Not so different

Leviathan - Dirt Poor Robins (World Eater Vibes- Adara Style. Tbh, the song I wanted to put here wasn’t on spotify, so this was the next best choice. A song for an entity that is threatening all of reality, but no one has ever seen it, and also you only really know it exists because your parallel universe selves told you it did. A song for world destruction as a ticking time bomb with a broken read out.) 

Here I lie in the dark and deep For a thousand years I’ve been asleep Far removed from the walls that rage Undisturbed by the earthquakes And I wait, I wait

Saint Bernard - Lincoln (A song about faith, and about losing it, and finding it, and losing it, and keeping it, and knowing that you’ll never really be able to extract it from yourself without cutting out a vital part of yourself. Marin is struggling with the loss of her home, but even more so with this loss of purpose. She’s just pushing forward and hoping for something to grab onto again.) 

I said “Make me love myself, so that I might love you” Don’t make me a liar, ‘cause I swear to God When I said it, I thought it was true 

In Darkness - Lowland Hum (A song for parallel universes, for someone who is very much the same, but also so different)

Forest of my mind Calm and slow and know comfort of the darkness Knowing you I am more myself but not a self I know; One from somewhere else

Guiltless - Dodie (I have a lot of thoughts about Mattie and their family, and the worries that come with growing up in an environment that is not affirming of who you are and that upholds the status quo to a fault. How do you figure out what parts of you are really you, and what parts are the ones you need to let go or outgrow?)

Oh but I’m not bitter, I’m just tired No use getting angry at the way that you’re wired And I could never let you know (Ooh, you’d never get it) And now I’m the one who can’t let go (Ooh don’t say it’s genetic)

The Hymn of Acxiom - Vienna Teng (A song for being cursed, and the ever present inkling that you are not quite alone in your own head. A song for being cursed, and abruptly understanding in the most gut wrenching way that you are absolutely not alone in your own head, not one bit.) 

Somebody hears you. You know that. You know that. Somebody hears you. You know that inside. Someone is learning the colors of all your moods, to (Say the right thing and) show that you’re understood

Nox Aurumque - Eric Whitacre (I cheated a little bit on this one and used a different composer, albeit still a Latin choral piece. I liked that this piece had an eeriness to it that contrasted with the lighter nature of O Magnum Mysterium. Also the title translates to Night and Gold, which seemed fitting.) 

Latin Choral Piece

Curses - The Crane Wives (The world eater is the one that burns, but their walls are still unstable. Will their friends still be here when the walls burn down? They hope so.) 

Every word I say is kindling But the smoke clears when you’re around Won’t you stay with me, my darling When my walls start burning down, down, down? 

Honest - Tessa Violet (A song for Sheridan. A song for two people who just want to be wanted, who have problems with self sacrifice, and who are learning that you need to lean on other people. It’s okay, their shoulder is here.) 

Here’s the truth My strength ain’t bein’ honest I mostly work from wanting to be wanted And if there’s somethin’ else, well I don’t know if I got it, got it And come the night, I’m never really solid

Trouble - The Ballroom Thieves (A song for Raleigh. For two people who can’t stop getting into trouble with each other. In many ways the two are complete opposites, but in another life they might not have been so different. For the boy who welcomes trouble with the smile of an old friend.) 

I’m terrified of my heart Its hunger for whatever it may want The way it stops and starts Yeah it may saunter into war Trouble doesn’t keep a civil score

Silver Peak - Lo-Fang (A song for Lukas. It took me ages to decide on one for him, and I’m still not totally happy with this choice. I feel like it captures the danger that his helping our party has put him in though, and the frenetic energy of everything that went down during the cult ceremony. I am so sorry that you got sucked into this world eater and blood hunter stuff. You’re a cool dude, and thank you again for the fork.) 

Instrumental

But Never a Key - Dirt Poor Robins (World Eater Vibes- Aillgate Style. It’s all about the fire imagery baby. And the imagery of someone slowly coming undone at the seams. A song for the slow ascent of a burning god that could unravel all of reality. A song for not being sure how to stop this yet. A song for being afraid of losing control of your body and mind again. Also that good good warlock shit.) 

You’re wound up too tightly  So frayed and unsightly  Pulling on your own strings You’re unraveling How can a cure now be found? With no outside threat Just a fire in your chest And you’re melting All over everything 

How I Survived Bobby Mackey’s Personal Hell - Lincoln (This song isn’t quite perfect, but the frenetic energy of it feels really right, especially in the aftermath of the cult ceremony. Mattie is looking for answers, but they’re also just looking for distraction. And control. Some control over these magic powers they suddenly have access too would be great too. A song for anxious waiting.)  

Nothing says I miss you quite like “I’m running out of time” Nothing says I hate you now like Getting sweat stains on a knife I am killing time with a razor blade

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

(1/2) Hi! I'm sorry this is specifically queer related but I really just want some advice. I'm a 16 year old bisexual Christian and I feel really alone. I dont really have any christian friends and my mom works sundays so we cant go to church. I feel like I dont know any other christians my age and it almost hurts. I have no sense of community because I've never really gone to church.

I struggled with faith for a little bit and now I feel like in the end my faith is stronger because of it, but I have no one to really share it with? Not even in the sense of talking about god but just having someone who believes in the same things I do. (Most of my friends are agnostic) Do you have any tips for finding a church or just a sense of community in general? Also I dont believe in a specific type of Christianity so I am confused on how to find a specific branch to believe in. Tysm!!

_______________

Hey, no need to apologize, I’m hear to talk about queer stuff, Christian stuff, or queer and Christian stuff so you’re good!

I feel for you. Christianity is not meant to be lived in a vacuum, but in community – so this longing you feel to share your faith with others is a good thing! And there are certainly ways to find that community even if you can’t make it to church on Sundays.

To begin with, there are some churches that hold worship services on Saturday evenings. There are also many churches that have Bible studies or whatnot on weekday evenings that you’d be welcome to even if you can’t go to their Sunday services. 

To find a church that interests you, I’ve got some links on my FAQ:

How do I find an affirming church that welcomes LGBT people in my area? Answer

How do I decide on a denomination? / What are the differences between various denominations? Answer

Once you locate some churches through those two resources that seem interesting to you, you can check out their websites and see what times their services and bible studies are.

You could also contact them through their website to ask whether they have any carpooling system set up to get people to church who don’t have transportation – a lot of churches have congregants who are happy to pick you up to take you to worship (or to Bible study, etc.)! 

____________

For online places to explore Christianity and make Christian friends:

Here’s my tag that’s got some discord servers for LGBTQ+ Christians

Here’s my masterpost of LGBTQA+ Christians on tumblr who are open to chatting about being LGBT and Christian! 

I’ve got a masterpost of LGBT friendly churches that post sermons and/or entire worship services online. Sometimes churches record their services live, so you can feel like you’re attending them from home and even comment on them!

Does anyone have more advice, encouragement, or resources for anon?

[cleverangelwasteland]

The story of X and social media

X loved to draw since they were a child . X bought pencils , coloring books when they were young and they did everything they can to draw everyday. X was happy . Also X was proud and showed people their work .

X’s work was far from good but still they were content . Then in 2012 a platform called amino was created. X was sharing their work and getting feedback . X was still happy. Later on that year an app called Instagram launched .X was skeptical but at the same time excited to use this new platform . X posted everyday , and even though they started with 10-15 likes they were improving . Fast forward to the end  2015, X is no longer very young and have a message they want to convey in art .X started to get criticism about anatomy which they took well and asked for help in anatomy . X and X’s sensei ( the helper they met online ) had body drawing lessons daily for the entirety of 2016 and 2017 . X drew poses , shapes , studied the anatomy of the body , the muscles , read books and watched many many videos . X even posed for the drawings to see if the pose works . X was happy they were learning something . Also X would repeat the same pose many times and would split the body to shapes and boxes and would practice along late hours along with schoolwork so basically X’s day was full with little time to sleep.  X also memorized the muscles and read many anatomy books like the anatomy for sculptors . They also learned loomis method for faces and these 2 years were just practice to the point that x drew 300 drawings in a month between poses and copied work so X can get a better learning perspective.

Opposite to X’ s sensei’s opinion , X decided to recheck on their Instagram which they haven’t done in 2 years . Not even once. X drew something and posted it while being proud of their improvement but they got way less engagement than what they had before .X was still not discouraged and decided to try again so they did a drawing that shows everything they learned , using a full body pose with an angle and shading . basically everything they could do and spend a long time working on what they thought was their masterpiece .

X uploaded and got a comment , which they hastily checked . The comment said the following : “ You suck , I’ll go away to clean my eyes , your drawings should be used as memes .”

X was heartbroken , ofc they were sad and they discussed it with sensei who said that is why they were against reopening X’s instagram account . But X is so used to not getting their way in life , that they decided to go on with it . X posted a few things and some comments were “ your anatomy sucks , study anatomy .”X felt like someone punched them and said to themselves “ But this is what I have been doing for the past 2 years .” X thought : “ I quit here , I quit what I already had just to study anatomy and that is the result?!” Still one of X’s work was featured by a big page and got 1K likes.

Nonetheless X still got back to drawing . Sensei suggested that X draws more real life drawings so X started drawing from a show that was starting called “ game of thrones “ X drew women , men , creatures , objects , perspective and would still repeat it until it looks right and would ask their old art circle to fix-doodle on their work .  X felt like they have a huge bag of knowledge and a 3D camera in their head . If X focuses and closed their eyes they could see the human body from different angle realistically . Sometimes that sumo wrestler X drew to broaden their knowledge on body types would haunt them in their nightmares.

X stayed like this till 2019 .   Forgot to say X was bullied (  back in 2014 )at school , made fun of and always alone. X wasn’t liked and that is where X’s habit of pleasing everybody triggered . X did whatever everyone else wanted eventhough they weren’t included in their activities and was a cast out. 

X cleaned the gym area. X picked up stray balls in sports class . X made sure to please the teachers . X signed up to everything just to feel a sense of achievement . X was unhappy and no longer had the time to draw. X then bought a digital drawing tablet as they can no longer carry their art supplies around when they were in college .

X drew everywhere . In the breaks , lunch break , just name it and they’ll be drawing. X even met someone who took a course in the art department and offered to do their art homework as the other party was struggling. The other party got  a 96/100 and came back thanking X . X felt a bit of validation like maybe their work is worth something debunking X’s thought about maybe being delusional . X suddenly grew quicker on social media , Not so big but since 2012 to 2018 they only had 400 followers so less than a follower a week . X suddenly jumped to 600 affirmating to them that at least they are doing something right . Previously X joined a drawing circle in their local community . And they were treated as non existent so the notion of building an audience was something new to X . They never had friends or any kind of support and they didn;t believe someone would take   the time to comment on their work . Still X was still getting more and more comments about anatomy making X wonder where did they go wrong , so they decided to go back to square one and have a new anatomy study month .X went to youtube , discord servers and reddit s well as more anatomy tutorials by established artists and more books . 

X would get a skeleton and lower its opacity then draw above it all the muscles shapes ( not their name really ) from memory . X compared it with the scientific schematic and found it very similar . Later on that year and after 7 years +of actively drawing , X got their first commission , at first they refused to be paid as if they weren’t open for commissions but the commissioner insisted . later on X did a few commissioned work and a customer was so happy they paid extra . This kind of boosted X’s self esteem as they were having a hard time . Forward to 2020 X did many commissions but it is the year where everyone keeps commenting on X’s work  “ Go study anatomy , you lack in the basics , you look like you just started “ . X felt a big stab in the back as during those 8 years they have been active in , X studied anatomy solely for a total of 2 years and a year in short term practices . X went back and forth to the basics so many times and didn’t skip a day of practice. 

X’s mental health and self esteem quickly deteriorated as they would leave social media then realize they need it to make money and come back to it . X haven’t had a commission in a while which is another blow to their self esteem.

Also X refused a job offer to draw for an animation which will be broadcasted due to the blow to their self esteem.

Also X saw online many artists making so much money by selling art where there are clear anatomical flaws and they get all the love and positive comments unlike X . X started doubting their eyes , thinking “ maybe I am really delusional “ ... Some of those artists have edgy scribbled lines in their lineart , really high eyes leaving no space for the cranium , drawing side views without thinking of the thickness of the body and drawing ears way below the ear zone . sometimes far eyes so the eyes reach the “ forbidden ear zone” necks starting from after or before the ears , people not taking into consideration the the deltoid muscle is like a “ cap “ above the biceps and so on .  But these people were more popular than X  and made more money/ were very successful .

X didn’t understand why they were getting the anatomy comments and why these other people were not.  X felt that they cannot use their knowledge anywhere but still felt that they know a lot .X feels like their knowledge deserves more and that all the pride they felt knowing this much doesn’t deserve this . X changed their style and anatomy 20 times this year and experimented with everything but they couldn’t please everyone and more and more people tell X their improvement looks  a day old not years old when they post redraws.

X lost pride in their work and the joy in drawing because of how social media and the unfairness of its algorithms affect them , instead of making really good artists popular it made a message that you need to have luck and not really the basic skills and that you could get away by tracing or copying.

Now X sent this to this account as they are asking for help , they deactivated everything and are sitting there just with knowledge and 8 years of efficient hard work betraying them .X lost their friends , their family and all support they could have .  X asked the mod  to share their story so others are aware how social media functions for artists and how many people are quitting because of it . Send us your story so we could feature yours too for awareness.

[keichanz]

***PLEASE DO NOT REBLOG***

I knew it was only a matter of time before something like this happened. Considering how much the owner hates me and likes the play the poor, pitiful victim, I’m not at all surprised one of his little fans took it upon himself to “warn” the community about me. 

The fools really should have made the posts private just in case I happened to stumble upon them. But then again, I never pegged them to be particularly intelligent. So I suppose I have that in my favor.

I’m sure you’re all well aware of the “famous” Official Inuyasha group on Facebook. This was posted to it just a few hours ago. I’m not a part of this group, however somebody on here was kind enough to alert me to this, and they will remain anonymous so they don’t receive any backlash from this post, but I hope they know they have my plentiful gratitude.

I struggled all day on whether or not to make a post about this. But then I decided, y’know what, I have a goddamn right to defend myself against the above bullshit, so fuck it. Here I am, about to address every libelous accusation this Seth person - whom, mind you, I have never talked to before in my life and I have no idea who the hell he is - has just callously tossed out there.

First and foremost, because this accusation really dug deep and because it’s pretty much the foundation of this bullshit, I want to address the so called fact that I attacked Official Inuyasha - I’m going to call him OIY from here on out - because he’s trans. 

False. 

I will say this as many times as I have to--I do not give a flying fuck that he’s trans. I don’t. That literally has nothing at all to do with my opinion of him, and this Seth dude is just grasping at the most obvious reason, or so he thinks, for my “attacks.” I also want to point out that I also don’t give a shit that his fiance is trans. 

I have gay friends. I have lesbian friends. I have trans friends. I have bi friends.

I myself am motherfucking bisexual.

So for this guy that I’ve never even talked to before to sit there and indirectly claim that I am in any way, shape, or form trans- or homophobic? He’s off his goddamn rocker.

I will say it again: 

I. DO. NOT. CARE.

Oh, and the whole “attacking people I don’t like just because”? Also false, but that goes without saying. Or at least I like to think it does. I also don’t give a rat’s ass that he changed his name to Inuyasha. Do I find it strange? Sure. Do I have a problem with it personally? No. 

Concerning me sending my friends to attack people I don’t like--um, no?? God, I would never, ever ask my friends to do that for fear of retaliation against them.  I can say with the utmost confidence that my friends are fiercely protective, very loyal, and they will voluntarily stand up and defend me without me asking them to. They all know I love them to death and I appreciate them all so much. They have my back, and I have theirs. I don’t send them to say anything on my behalf--they do that all on their own, and I sure as hell ain’t gonna stop ‘em. People can argue that I have them fight my battles for me, but I disagree. They are my allies, my reinforcements, my backup when I grow weary. Every battle needs them, no? I hope they know that they are so appreciated, very loved, and they have my undying gratitude. I don’t expect them to defend me either, and they know it. All I ask is that they support me in my time of need, and the fact that they rise up to the occasion without question, defend me, support me and protect me at all costs just goes to show what kind of amazing, wonderful people they are and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. 

Regarding the statement that I attacked Seth himself. As I mentioned before, I have no goddamn clue who this guy is. I didn’t even know he existed before my anon friend notified me, and browsing his profile gleans zero recognition. So where the hell is he pulling this shit from? Oh, and I would love to see these proposed screenshots that are “too detailed to post,” mind you, depicting me attacking him. I will show anyone who asks a screenshot of my messages, both on here and on Facebook if they want proof. And I never delete them either--I have messages from like...2015 or some shit.

The discord chat. Seth has conveniently failed to mention the fact that OIY himself joined that chat, and deliberately went through every single channel and searched my name. He found messages I had sent last year that don’t prove anything other than the fact that I think his “beautiful edits” are bogus, but that’s it. Nothing else. My friends and I discussed it briefly, but we never “talked shit” about him. So once more, he’s pulling false facts out of his ass to make me seem like such a horrible person. 

I’m not even going to touch the “he never steals artwork and gives credit” because I have some strong opinions on that, but would rather not get into it since this post isn’t about that.

“I make fun of his cosplay and looks.” I”m assuming he’s referring to that post of OIY in full cosplay with fake black eyebrows. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t find the actual post anywhere on this site, so I suspect it might have been deleted, but if anyone is truly curious, here’s a screenshot that was attached to the above post. So after viewing that, someone please enlighten me how saying “Thanks, I hate it” is, in fact, making fun of his cosplay and/or looks? Yeah, I haven’t a clue, either. But whatever, go off, I guess. 

“I make up lies and brainwashes everyone into thinking it’s truth.” Well, shit, guys, why didn’t somebody tell me I can brainwash people? Because this sure as hell is news to me. What lies are these, exactly? Any idea? No? Hmmm. Welp, anyway, I can attest that this is also false. If I can magically brainwash people I sure as shit wouldn’t be working a job that barely gets me by. And who do I lie to? My friends already support me and carry the same opinions, so it can’t be them. And I take pains to avoid anything and everything that has to do with OIY just for this exact purpose because it’s a pain in my ass. I don’t like the guy. Big fucking whoop. Who cares. Grow the fuck up and move on, Jesus Christ. So, no, you can bet your ass I’m not spreading around lies to random strangers about something I give zero fucks about. 

There. I think I addressed everything in that atrocity of a paragraph. The comments on that post are less than pleasant - I’ll spare you the details, but most of them included various degrading names and ridiculous statements - and I find myself just...incredulous that these people, who don’t even know me, so readily agree with something that has no basis of fact. It astounds me that they accept this bullshit as truth just because someone says it is without seeing for themselves first. Talk about blind faith. Very misguided/misinformed blind faith. 

It truly does sadden me that people are so quick to judge without getting facts, but that’s the way of the world, isn’t it. 

Moving on, I suppose this post can be considered as an open letter to Seth Whiterun, and any of OIY’s followers that happen to see this. So please, feel free to reblog this all you want. Reblog it once, twice, ten times. I want them to see it. I want to right the wrong that Seth has so callously dealt me and have the chance to defend myself given that he made a post to a group that I am not a part off like a damned coward, knowing there was little chance of me seeing it. 

Well, surprise, Seth Whiterun. I saw it.

I want them to come to me. This directly involves me, no one else. What right does Seth have to say any of that? Absolutely none. 

I am tired of this. How many times do I have to put up with this? This is so mentally exhausting and I just want to be left alone. Again and again I’m having to deal with this complete and utter bullshit because some asshat with a hero complex decides that it’s his job to “warn” the community of this toxic person with, need I remind you, zero evidence in which to prove himself with. Or at least evidence with any credible standing. 

This entire situation is old. Am I dealing with children? Why can’t they just let sleeping dogs lie and put it behind them? I sure as hell have - or at least I’m trying to, but then shit like this happens and I’m dragged right the fuck back into it because of course I’m not going to just sit there and let this guy slander my name. Did he think I was going to remain quiet about this? WRONG. 

Now that I’ve said my piece, I want to implore you my dear followers and friends, please, please, please DO NOT contact Seth Whiterun or Official Inuyasha. I understand if you get angry on my behalf, but please, I don’t want to get you mixed up in this. If Seth has the balls to confront me himself, or one of OIY’s followers, or even the guy himself, then by all means, they are free to come forward and we can discuss like this adults. Otherwise, please don’t go attacking Seth or OIY because that will just affirm to them that I do send my friends after them, and I really don’t want that. 

I think that about covers it. I wanted it to be known that if you happen to hear any of this bullshit, please be aware that it is untrue, and I am more than happy to answer any question directly. Message me. Send an ask. I will clear up any confusion or misinformation. Don’t assume something is true just because you read it somewhere--get the facts from the source first. 

There you have it. Grow a pair, Seth, and confront me yourself.

I’ll be waiting.