#people will always see you as your race first because white is considered the default

[starrysharks]

i wonder if white people specifically white progressives realise that black people are only ever seen as their skin color first and foremost

[blnk338]

Could you share the issue regarding the inclusivity poll please? The one you said was resolved? Just so it helps other writers. I think it's important to share such information<3 or maybe do some notes us other writers should be aware of?

I didn't vote because I am not a poc but since we're on the topic of reader insert: the one thing I felt a bit uncomfortable with was "your mom's name" when reaper was visiting her mom. I personally don't have an issue imagining myself as an oc persona such as a ripped reaper but my mom is so nice and that part bugged me. For example, I feel like parents' names shouldn't be inserted or mentioned at all. OR give them a random name at the beginning as a starter disclaimer. Just a personal thought. Everything else is very much well thought through. Kudos as always 😉

hello!!

so the issue that was brought up from the poll was solved here, but i have so far not gotten a response for the "not good" answer. i suppose it could have been a misclick or perhaps someone just wanted to see the answers and didn't read the title first, but if there was an issue (or issues) that caused them to genuinely pick that answer, i'd love to be able to fix it!

some general notes when it comes to writing a race-neutral mc:

don't describe showers (or really, certain morning/night routines); it's important because a lot of people don't wash their hair every day. whether it be for preference, for hair type, or for how they wear their hair, it can be alienating to detail every shower as "washing your hair."

this mistake was actually corrected in the tagged post-- but be aware of how some skin scars! it had slipped my mind that not all scarring ends up pinkish-- it'll just be a dimmer version of the person's skin tone.

don't use major descriptors for hair. "billowing in the wind," "[your ponytail] pulled at your scalp," "curling around the face." all of these can be linked to a certain hair type, usually.

when describing skin, use vague terms. for example "the light from the shades dappled across your skin," instead of "the light sheened off your pale skin."

"your cheeks grew pink," "your face went red," can't always be applied to people with darker skin tones. but yk what can? growing physically warm, sweating, getting goosebumps, or feeling rushes of adrenaline! if you're gonna write something fluffy, make sure everyone gets included.

sometimes eyebags aren't easily seen, either. a lack of melanin means the purple under the lids sticks out more, but eyebags are also sometimes visible with creases, puffiness under the eyes, or a slight droop.

don't go into major detail with facial features. when describing reaper's facial scarring, i keep it general and try not to describe how lips look, whether freckles are cut up from the scarring, etc.

also, when i talk about reaper's mask, i don't talk much about her nose. obviously, larger noses might stick out more from the base of the mask, but plenty of people have flattened noses, so that wouldn't really work. instead, i used a general description (not verbatim) "fits perfectly to your nose."

bonnets and durags! people wear them all the time! in the house, out of the house, but for sleeping, too! mention them as an option for your readers to better immerse them.

really try to remember, especially as a white person, that most fanfics (intended or not) use white people as a default. there're probably a lot of people who will enjoy your fic more if they can see themselves in place of the mc. if you don't sit back, reread your chapter and think "yeah, i could picture anyone in this position" (unless the fic is specified to be black!reader x character or something of the variation), you might want to change it up.

thank you for the comment on reaper's moms name! i sort of can't change that much considering how far we are into the series, but I've removed the times where specifically "your mom/mother's name" (or a variation) was mentioned. (let me know if i missed anything).

sorry about dissing your mom, I'm sure she's lovely :) (/gen)

i also partially didn't add any details on reaper's mom's name because i didn't want to allude to any specifics on reaper's background

thank you so much for the support!

as a small disclaimer... i'm really grateful to get this kind of feedback, from my readers of color and not, it's great to hear how I'm doing because i want to make a fun fic for you guys! if the change is something quick and easy (like this and the tagged message), i don't mind it!

[morgansplace]

Different anon! And this may seem like I'm asking this just to do a 'whataboutism' which I don't intend to! It's just genuinely something that this discussion makes me think about because people seem to rarely bring this up. The gender neutral aspect of this channel is a major part of it, but the characters (especially listeners as Erik no longer uses terms like 'blushing' and iirc mentioned not using things like sunburn for this reason) are also supposed to be race neutral. That's a major part of the channel as well. This doesn't seem to come up as much in this fandom because I feel like it's mostly white so us always being portrayed as the default race for media without visuals, a lot of us don't think about it.

I cannot imagine what POC must feel like when they scroll through fandom posts and 75% of every listener drawn is white (even the one character with a canonical skin tone Gavin--who may or may not be perceived to be a POC based on what the rest of his appearance coalesced as--is often drawn/fandom cast as pale despite literally calling himself tan in his first appearance). In connection to this, there's also the fact that in this fandom in fanfiction, the vast majority of writers stick to using 'they/them' and keeping the gender neutral part, but often their descriptors do not stick to the characters being race neutral too and people get no heads up for most until they read the fic itself. And while people should be able to draw and write what they want, there's no tagging to keep POC from having to see the 100th white Lovely or tagging/notice to keep them from having to read about blue eyed, blonde haired Angel. And (even though I'm white) that seems to be an incredibly uncomfortable part of this fandom too. I can absolutely imagine pushback to this actually being asked of people (because fandom is mostly white), but to you, should people have to tag (in fanart and fanfic) their white listeners?

I understand completely what you mean by this, anon, and here's my honest opinion about it.

I, as someone that has diverse listeners with different skin tones and race ethnicities, think that it really depends. Because when I ask people to tag their gendered listeners content, is because I know people can get triggered by their gender, or, in the case of non-binary listeners, by how they look.

I know for a fact that when I say "how they look" is about their body, and not their race or appearance in general. (If they're masc/fem-coded)

What you say actually really important, and i see this a lot in fanfiction that is supposed to be gender neutral. I've seen a lot of fanfics where a listeners is always portrayed with green eyes, and I'm sure it's because that's part of the author's oc.

In my opinion, any content that describes the listener's in some way (hair color, eye color, body type, gender, pronouns) is not considered gender neutral anymore, and that's what I call oc content. If someone makes "gender neutral" content with a listener's appearance, that should be tagged as an oc, because I'm not having the opportunity to read your story with my own interpretations, which I can do thanks to the neutrality of the fic.

While what you say is true, everyone has their own visions for each boy and their listeners. I dont know to which extent a listener oc's appearance should be tagged, because I mainly focus on their gender, since is what I've seen and heard is what can trigger someone.

With this, I may be coming off as ignorant, but i can't have a more extent opinion because I truly didn't thought about this until now. I'm not saying you're wrong, and much less saying I'm right.

[i-did]

Do you know when the racism and ableism accusations against Nora started? Because back when I was active in 2016/2017 and don't think they were a thing, or were very low-key. Was it something she said or are people just basing it off the things she wrote in the books?

From what I remember, the first time I heard the blanket statement of “Nora is racist/fetishizes gay men” blanket statement was early fall 2019 (which is so ironic for the fandom to say on so many levels lmao). There wasn’t a catalyst or anything, just she went offline 2016 and no new content was coming out and the aftg fandom is such an echo chamber that… an accidental smear campaign happened.

 Before then, I would see occasional “Nora used ableist slur” which… is funny (not that ableism isn’t serious) to me people care more about that than Seth saying the f-slur. IMO this is because with Seth, it clearly shows the character thinking it and not the author who is writing about what will be an end game mlm relationship. 

But anyways! Long story short, it's the fact that she’s an ace/aro woman who wrote a mlm book, and based off of the events in canon. There is no “Nora called me/someone else a slur” it’s “Nora wrote a book where slur(s) are used” and “the Moriyama’s are Japanese.”

Below I put my own opinion on these claims and go into more detail:

CW for discussions of: racism, ableism, mlm fetishization

Fetishization: (and mentions of sexism at the end)

To one question in the EC about her inspo for aftg she jokingly responded how she wanted to write about gay athletes. On other parts of your blog you could see she was a hockey fan and an overall sports fan (anime or otherwise) but I've seen this statement taken out of context and framed as “she's one of those BOYXBOY” shippers. Considering how… well-developed both Andrew and Neil’s relationship is, and it takes them until like the 3rd book and there is a whole complex ass plot going on around, you can see how that's just. Not really true. And considering the fandom is like… 85% women (queer women but still women) and I've gotten into a discussion with someone who is a woman and called Nora a fetishizer and was ignoring my opinions as a mlm, and I really just wanted to say “well what does that make you?” it's a very ironic high horse. She didn’t write 3 all 3 books to put Neil in lingerie pwp or crop-top fem-fatal fashion show, fandom did. 

Also, I talked to an ace/aro friend about this, and she talked to me about how AFTG spoke to her very much so as an ace/aro story. Neil is demisexual, Nora didn’t know of the word at the time of reading it, but she did get an anon asking if Neil was demi after, and she said “had to look it up, and yep, but he doesn't really think about it” (paraphrased). Obviously it would have been cool if andreil were canonly written as wlw by Nora instead, (which would have increased the amount of wlw rep and demi rep) but tbh I don’t think tumblr would have cared about it nearly as much and everyone would just call Neil a cold bitch–like people do with Nora’s other published book with a main character who's a woman. Plus they're her OC’s, not mine. 

The fact is that 50% of all LGBT+ rep in literature is mlm, mostly white mlm, and not written by mlm. I’m not going to hold her to a higher standard than everyone else, she already broke a shit ton of barriers in topics she discusses that otherwise get ignored. I’m grateful to these books for existing even if it's a mlm story written by a woman. I still will prioritize reading mlm written by mlm–and vice versa with wlw– in the way I prioritize reading stories about POC written by POC. But credit where credit is due, this is a very good story, and a very good demi story. 

Ableism:

To me, AFTG is a story about ableism and how we perceive some trauma survivors more worthy than others. Neil and the foxes using ableist language shows how people actually talk. Neil thinks shitty things about Andrew, like the others do too, and thinks he's “psycho”. The story ultimately deconstructs this idea and these perceptions of people. Wymack, someone who says the r-slur (which is still not known by the general population as a slur even in 2021 much less the early 2000s when the book was beginning to be written and what the timeline is based off of) is a character who understands Andrew better than most of the others do, and gives him the most sympathy and understanding despite using words like the m-slur and r-slur. Using these words isn't good, but it is how people talk, and this character talks. Wymack is a playful “name caller” especially when he’s mad, the foxes think Andrew is “crazy” and incapable of humanity and love because of it. They call his meds “antipsychotics” as an assumption and insult in a derogatory way, when really antipsychotics are a very helpful drug for some people who need them. Even Neil thinks these things about Andrew until he learns to care about him. All the foxes are hypocritical to am extent, as people in real life tend to be. Nora herself doesn’t use these or tweet them or something, her characters do to show aspects of their personality and opinions and how they change over time.

Racism:

As for the racism, I've seen people talk about how racial minorities being antagonists is inherently bad, which I think lacks nuance but overall isn't a harmful statement or belief. However, Nora herself said she wrote in the yakuza instead of another gang or mob because she was inspired for AFTG by sports anime, (which often queer-bait for a variety of reasons). I haven’t seen a textual analysis acknowledging the racist undertones surrounding the Moriyama’s as the few characters of color who are also major antagonists, but instead just “Nora is racist”. Wymack having shitty flame tribal tattoo’s is just… a huge 90’s thing and a part of his character design. Her having a character with bad taste in tattoo trends doesn’t mean she's racist. There is the whole how Nicky is handled thing, but that's a whole thing on it’s own. The fandom… really will write Nicky being all “ai ai muy spicy, jaja imma hit on my white–not annoying like me–boyfriend in Spanish. With my booty hole out and open for him ofc.” and as a Mexican mlm I’m like … damn alright. 

I think there is merit to the fact that she writes white as the default* and unless otherwise stated a POC a character was written with the intent to be white is another valid criticism, as well as the fact that the cast is largely white, but everything Nora is accused of I've seen the fandom do worse. That goes to the debate of, is actively writing stereotypes for POC more harmful than no representation at all? And personally I prefer the lack of established race line that lets me ignore Nora’s canon intent of characters to be white and come up with my own HC’s over the fandoms depictions of “zen monk Renee with dark past” “black best friend Matt who got over drugs but is a puppy dog” “ex stripper black Dan who dates Matt” vague tokenism. I HC many of the upperclassmen as POC and do my best to actively give thought behind it and have their own arcs that also avoids the fandom colorism spectrum of “darkest characters we HC go to the back and fandom favorites are in the front and are the lightest.” 

*I however won't criticize her harsher or more than… everyone else who still largely does this in fanfiction regarding AFTG as well as literature in general. This isn't a Nora thing, it's a societal thing, and considering the books came out in like 2014 I'm not gonna hold her to a higher standard than the rest of the world. She's just someone who wrote her personal OC’s and self-published expecting no following. I don’t know her race and I’m not gonna hold her to a higher standard than everyone else just because. 

The criticisms I've seen have always been… ironic IMO, and clearly I have a lot of thoughts on it. I think most people say those things about Nora because they heard them, and it's the woke thing to say and do and don’t critically analyze their actions or anything, but just accept them. 

[writingwithcolor]

Chinese girl adoptee in 20th century, family with white supremacist views, & a racist person who “changes their attitude” towards Chinese people

Hi, I’m writing a story set in the early 20th century where my protagonist is a Chinese female adopted by a white family in Europe. Her adoptive family treats her well, but because this is the time when the idea of white supremacy is at its peak, the idea that she comes of an inferior race has been ingrained into her subconsciously since young.

I have two questions. Firstly, how can I remind my readers of her ethnicity? My story is written in limited 3rd-person POV—so, exploring the world through my protagonist’s eyes. On one hand, she is acutely aware that she is different from practically everyone around her, but on the other hand, her adoptive family made no effort to maintain her connection to her roots, so she has little to no in-depth knowledge of the Chinese language and culture. How can I remind my readers of her ‘otherness’ if she herself has been brought up to see the white race as the ‘default’?

Secondly, how can I show the change in attitude another (white) character might have towards her? Under what circumstances would a person reflect on his or her own ignorant or even racist behaviour, and how do I show a change, or the beginning of a change, in their attitude towards Asians—or more specifically, my protagonist?

Thank you so much!

(Also, a quick note to say just how much I love this blog. Although I too am PoC I grew up in a multiracial country where my own race is the majority, so I have never really encountered major racism or known anyone who has. This blog has really taught me about the struggles that other PoC face and how to give them proper representation in my writing. Big thank you to the mods for making everything happen!)

Chinese girl adoptee in 20th century,  family with white supremacist views

I would argue that a white family adopting a POC, taking them to a white supremacist society, and subconsciously teaching them they’re inferior is NOT treating her well. 

- SK 

This doesn’t sound like the white family treats her well at all considering they treat her as inferior by default. It sounds more like they are taking her away from her culture too, which is inherently traumatic and a topic I feel wary about outsiders tackling. 

–Mod Sci

Please do research on colonial paternalism, a method of western imperialism that’s been going on for centuries, and look at books, memoirs, and resources from adoptees. 

–Mod Emme

Chinese coding and cultural disconnect in white-majority society

Not Chinese, but Asian-American and grew up in a VERY white area, so I did grow up thinking white people were the default. I was raised by Asian parents, not white though, so not all of this might apply, but one of the first times I noticed my ‘other-ness’ was just like? Standing in a row with other children in my school, noticing I just looked different from them. From there on, I noticed I would look different in school yearbooks and such, and as I grew older and more aware of the way others would interact with me, I noticed slight micro-aggressions and assumptions people would make about me (‘so what’s your ethnic background?’ a teacher asked me, a literal child/’hey can you help me with my math homework you’re good at that’ even though I consistently got mediocre grades/etc). Unfortunately, a lot of me realizing I was an ‘other’ was based in racism, which I understand isn’t something you might not want to write–I’d like to hear from other mods if they have any thoughts.

–Sophia

I feel very wary about letting a person who never experienced cultural disconnection take this on. Mainly because it involves a lot of pain and introspection. A lot of the “other” feeling comes from racism and microaggressions. For an adoptee especially one raised in a white family, this racism comes before you even arrive.

I am a Chinese adoptee who grew up in a very white area: the suburbs. White people were always considered the default, and I struggled a lot with cultural reconnection, which is something that I have experienced. Even though I was never raised with significant amounts of Chinese culture, my white adoptive family, and I still celebrated lunar new year at the Chinese restaurant. We did our best to still maintain some sense of culture even if I am not the most connected adoptee. As I grew older, I noticed the microaggressions going back even to my childhood. I’ve always known that I was “other” because of my facial features. I’ve always been asked, “Where are you from” (meaning where am I really from because there’s no way I could be from the United States). When my family was adopting, random people would ask why they would not adopt an American baby, that is a white one. As a result, I’ve always been made to feel like an outsider or other even before I arrived. Even if it’s not an in-depth knowledge of Chinese culture, your character could still have basic knowledge like I do.

I never grew up with too much representation of myself in the media with Mulan 1998 and Avatar the Last Airbender being the closest representations I’ve seen in Western media. Maybe your character could reflect on pieces of Western media like this and how it was representation that she clings to.

–Mod Sci

Since this story is set in the early 20th century, think about how Chinese, and other East Asian groups, were portrayed in literature and other forms of media. What about clothing or makeup? For example, I often struggle to find shoes in the US that are wide enough for my feet, while Punjabi shoes fit perfectly. Being aware of differences can also be an indicator. In elementary school, I was very conscious of the fact I had the darkest hair in my class.

- SK

A racist person who “changes their attitude” towards Chinese people

May I suggest you read the following: 

The Pitfalls of Racist Character Redemption Arcs 

~ Mod Colette

I think the ask Colette linked says pretty much all I want to say. Since this is a POC author, I’m not as willing to turn this into a “brown person becomes object of a lesson for white redemption masturbatory fantasy” situation, but it is a very different situation being a person of color but not a minority, versus being a minority of color in a largely white area. I’m personally tired of the burden being placed on people of color to forgive racists who have changed their ways, whether they really have changed and grown or not. 

If you do want to write this, please put as little pressure on the main character to accept that apology or not. I’m deeply tired of it being on the marginalized person to accept that change and extend that hand. It’s not on us to absolve white people of their racism, whether they want to do the work or not.

–Sophia

This ask pretty much covers it. I loathe this trope where a person of color becomes the focus of a lesson or a very special episode. Please do not force the main character to accept the apology because I am tired of stories where poc must accept the apologies of racist white people. Especially since your main character may be subject to microaggressions and racism because she feels like an outsider. There’s also the risk of the main character becoming side lined in favor of the formerly racist white character.

Also racists may make an exception only for the main character while still being racist to other Asian characters, which makes their apologies mean nothing. A common microaggression is “You are a credit to your race” or “You’re not like other (insert race) people.” This is still a white person being racist.

–Mod Sci

I agree with Sophia and Sci - I would be careful combining this trope with the deep, personal struggle of reconnecting to a culture lost due to imperialism.

- SK

[evanescentjasmine]

I’m going to talk about a little pet peeve of mine with regard to portrayal of poc in fic, TMA specifically since that’s what I mostly read and write for. 

I suppose I should first start by saying that, of course, poc are not a monolith, and I’m certain there are other poc who have many different views on this issue. And also this post is in no way meant to demonise, shame, or otherwise discourage people from writing poc in fic if they’re doing something differently. This is just a thing I’ve been noodling on for a while and have had several interesting conversations with friends about, and now that I think I’ve figured out why I have this pet peeve, I figured I’d gather my thoughts into a post.

As a result of the fact we have no canonical racial, ethnic, or religious backgrounds for our main TMA cast, we’ve ended up with many diverse headcanons, and it’s absolutely lovely to see. I’m all for more diversity and I’m always delighted to see people’s headcanons. 

However, what often happens is I’ll be reading a fic and plodding along in a character’s PoV and get mention of their skin colour. And nothing else. I find this, personally, extremely jarring. In a short one-shot it makes sense, because you’re usually touching on one scenario and then dipping out. Likewise if the fic is in a different setting, is cracky, or is told from someone else’s PoV, that’s all fine. But if I’m reading a serious long-fic close in the poc’s head and...nothing? That’s just bizarre to me.

Your heritage, culture, religion, and background, all of those affect how you view the world, and how the world views you in return. How people treat you, how you carry yourself, what you’re conscious of, all of that shifts. And the weird thing is that many writers are aware of this when it comes to characters being ace or trans or neurodivergent—and I’m genuinely pleased by that, don’t get me wrong. Nothing has made my ace self happier than the casual aceness in TMA fics that often resonates so well with my experience. But just as gender, orientation, and neurodivergence change how a character interacts with their world, so do race, ethnicity, and religion. 

As a child, I spent a couple of years in England while my mother was getting her degree. Though I started using Arabic less and less, my mother still spoke to me almost exclusively in Arabic at home. We still ate romy cheese and molokhia and the right kind of rice, though we missed out on other things. She managed to get an Egyptian channel on TV somehow, which means I still grew up with different cultural touchstones and make pop-culture references that I can’t share with my non-Arabic-speaking friends. She also became friends with just about every Egyptian in her university, so for those years I had a bevy of unrelated Uncles and Aunties from cities all over Egypt, banding together to go on outings or celebrate our holidays.

As an adult who sometimes travels abroad solo, and as a fair-skinned Arab who’s fluent in English, usually in a Western country the most I’ll get is puzzled people trying to parse my accent and convinced someone in my family came from somewhere. When they hear my name, though, that shifts. I get things like surprise, passive-aggressive digs at my home region, weird questions, insistence I don’t look Egyptian (which, what does that even mean?) or the ever-popular, ever-irritating: Oh, your English is so good!

At airports, with my Egyptian passport, it’s less benign. I am very commonly taken aside for extra security, all of which I expect and am prepared for, and which always confuses foreign friends who insisted beforehand that surely they wouldn’t pull me aside. Unspoken is the fact I, y’know, don’t look like what they imagine a terrorist would. But I’m Arab and that’s how it goes, despite my, er, more “Western” leaning presentation. 

This would be an entirely different story if I were hijabi, or had darker skin, or a more pronounced accent. I am aware I’m absolutely awash with privilege. Likewise, it would be different if I had a non-Arab name and passport. 

So it’s slightly baffling to me as to why a Jon who is Pakistani or Indian or Arab and/or Black British would go through life the exact same way a white British character would. 

Now, I understand that race and ethnicity can be very fraught, and that many writers don’t want to step on toes or get things wrong or feel it isn’t their place to explore these things, and certainly I don’t think it’s a person’s place to explore The Struggles of X Background unless they also share said background. I’m not saying a fic should portray racism and microaggressions either (and if they do, please take care and tag them appropriately), but that past experiences of them would affect a character. A fic doesn’t have to be about the Arab Experience With Racism (™) to mention that, say, an Arab Jon headed to the airport in S3 for his world tour would have been very conscious to be as put together as he could, given the circumstances, and have all his things in order. 

And there’s so much more to us besides. What stories did your character grow up with? What language was spoken at home? Do they also speak it? If not, how do they feel about that? What are their comfort foods? Their family traditions? The things they do without thinking? The obscure pop-culture opinions they can’t even begin to explain? (Ask me about the crossover between Egyptian political comedy and cosmic horror sometime…)

I’m not saying you’ll always get it right. Hell, I’m not saying I always get it right either. I’m sure someone can read one of my fics and be like, “nope, this isn’t true to me!” And that’s okay. The important thing, for me, is trying.

Because here’s the thing. 

I want you to imagine reading a fic where I, a born and raised Egyptian, wrote white characters in, say, a suburb in the US as though they shared my personal experiences. It’s a multi-generational household, people of the same gender greet with a kiss on each cheek, lunch is the main meal, adults only move out when they get married, every older person they meet is Auntie or Uncle, every bathroom has a bidet, there’s a backdrop of Muslim assumptions and views of morality, and the characters discuss their Eid plans because, well, everyone celebrates Eid, obviously.

Weird, right? 

So why is this normal the other way around? 

Have you ever stopped to wonder why white (and often, especially American) experiences are considered the default? The universal inoffensive base on which the rest is built? 

Yes, I understand that writers are trying to be inoffensive and respectful of other backgrounds. But actually, I find the usual method of having the only difference be their skin colour or features pretty reductive. We’re more than just a paint job or a sprinkle of flavour to add on top of the default. Many of us have fundamentally different life experiences and ignoring this contributes to that assumption of your experience being universal. 

Yes, fic is supposed to be for fun and maybe you don’t want to have to think about all this, and I get that completely. I have all the respect in the world for writers who tag their TMA fics as an American AU, or who don’t mention anyone’s races. I get it. But when you have characters without a canonical race and you give them one, you’re making a decision, and I want you to think about it. 

Yes, this is a lot of research, but the internet is full of people talking about themselves and their experiences. Read their articles, read their blogs, read their twitter threads, watch their videos, see what they have to say and use it as a jumping-off point. I’m really fond of the Writing With Color blog, so if you’re not sure where to start I’d recommend giving them a look. 

Because writers outside of the Anglosphere already do this research in order to write in most fandoms. Writers of colour already put themselves in your shoes to write white characters. And frankly, given the amount of care that many white writers put into researching Britishisms, I don’t see why this can’t extend to other cultural differences as well.

[alatismeni-theitsa]

I have no idea when you posted asking about the experiences of Greek diaspora / Greek heritage but I just saw it so I thought I’d send in my stuff.

I am so disconnected from it because my grandma didn’t want to pass the language into her children so she could have adult conversations they wouldn’t understand. And she didn’t pass on the culture because her husband was Jehovah’s Witness. And so I just feel an intense feeling of grief over a culture that I’m apart of but know very little about. I have some recipes my Yiayia made, a cookbook by women from the Greek Orthodox Church in NYC, and two lullaby’s. (We lived in the US with my great grandma so we had more interaction with Greek culture than our cousins who’s lived with my grandma in Ireland)

And there’s not much out that I’ve found where I’ve been able to learn about my culture and not felt like I’m intruding. Especially because I don’t “look Greek” like some of the other greek kids at my school. I look Irish. I don’t have a Greek name and I don’t speak any of the language. The only way I’ve found to connect is through food but I’m limited to the cookbook because if you look online it’s hard to find recipes that aren’t just trendy mediterranen inspired health food. My mum is starting to reluctantly tell me a little about my family from Greece. And my grandmas cousin and her family is very very greek. So if I fly down to see her she’ll teach me stuff (though she’s the matriarch of the family so she’s pretty intimidating). Anyway. That’s my experience with my my greek heritage.

I just sent the long-ass ask about Greek heritage but I forgot the bit where I was Greek enough to get bullied over Greek food. Yay. Dolmades are good though I don’t care if they “look little poop”

___________________[END OF ASK] __________________________

Hey and sorry for the delay 💙 I asked some time ago but that doesn't mean newer answers aren't welcome anytime!

Dear, I am grieving with you for the loss 😔 I can't say the reasons the language wasn't passed on seem very logical to me. There are things that didn't get passed on to me because my grandparents thought I would automatically know, or they didn't bother teaching, so I can relate to that feeling 😔

You are definitely NOT intruding! I can understand why it feels this way after what you told me, but it seems to me you have every right to know! Greek culture welcomes anyone from Cameroon to Japan, so, realistically, nothing should stop you from having access to it. Plus, it's your own family!

Oh damn, the "I don't look Greek" plague 😩 As everyone knows there's no specific qualifier of appearance for being part of Hellenismos. On this particular occasion, I'll go one step further and say that, unless you have raid hair, you probably look like a lot of Greeks.

There are Greeks whose appearance is rare for this ethnicity, but "looking Irish" is a thing that 1/4 (at least?) of Greek people relate to. One thing Greeks of diaspora often hear is that "they don't look Greek enough", aka they look "too white". Your surrounding Greeks might not look like you but if you go through my tag #Greek people, which has hundreds of videos, portraits, and photos of Greeks from all eras, you might realize you look like many Greeks.

There are Greeks whose appearance is rare for this ethnicity, but "looking Irish" is a thing that 1/4 (at least?) of Greek people relate to. One thing Greeks of diaspora often hear is that "they don't look Greek enough", aka they look "too white". Your surrounding Greeks might not look like you but if you go through my tag #Greek people, which has hundreds of videos, portraits, and photos of Greeks from all eras, you might realize you look like many Greeks.

Again, appearance doesn't matter in the slightest when it comes to culture, but I sensed your appearance issue was the flavor of "too white looking" and it's the most infuriating thing to me because many, many Greeks look "too white looking" for the standards foreigners have made for them!

Anyways, on to the food! I am so happy you are trying some of the recipes :D (And that you are doing everything to connect to your heritage if it brings you joy!) How dare they speak badly about dolmades??? 😭 Many countries close to Greece also have that dish and we must find them so we can have a dolmades alliaaaaanceee!

I'd also like to add, don't feel pressured to get too much into the culture if you don't want to. Many Greeks in Greece keep different types of distance from their tradition and that should also be your right. Again, do and learn whatever pleases you! Just keep in mind that you are valid in your current state without going the extra mile to learn every Greek thing possible.

People across the globe can have various degrees of Greek heritage and if that "amount" of heritage is "less" then it's okay and natural because it's what happens when people immigrate. The more generations pass, the more this old part is left behind. For example, many Greeks in Greece can also come from other backgrounds (Austrian, Egyptian, Slavic (various countries), etc) and they, too have many parts of their older heritages lost. They practice Greek customs almost exclusively now.

There's a cultural plane that shifts all the time in countries around the world and families assimilate to a new culture as they adapt to a new place. At this moment you are also part of a US regional culture and there is no shame in *also* identifying as part of it. That won't erase any Greek part of you.

The above doesn't aim to discourage you in any way on searching more about Greek culture! It's only a general disclaimer. People from inside a culture (usually in diaspora) tend to judge those who participate less, as if any person with X heritage is in a place to keep the same amount of touch with it 🙄

Sure, tradition is very important but nobody should be forced to practice it if they don't want to - or if they just can't. Tradition is people, and some traditions change or die naturally because many individuals from the inside wanted it to.

It's hard being caught in between - not "American enough" and not "Greek enough". The paradox is that you must first feel secure in this position. Granted, it's easier said than done but mentally it will save you the mindset of needing to be "more American" or "more Greek". As you understand, you don't need to feel apologetic to Americans for who you are, and you don't need to feel apologetic to Greeks in America or anywhere else for the exact same reason.

Some Greeks of diaspora feel distressed about their accents in Greek (or they don't want to admit they have an accent) or for not being perceived as Greeks automatically by other Greeks when they visit the country. But that's unavoidable because these differences exist and people raised in Greece can spot them. Therefore, people in the US whom you are afraid might feel superior to you for knowing more things about Greece, may come to Greece and feel like foreigners.

So they shouldn't make this a race beacuse it's not one they would normally "win" by their own standards. Chances are, after you learn anything you can, you will also have distance from what is considered the "default" Greek culture. It's part of the organic process of time + distance from the country, and Greeks with half a brain won't look down on you for that.

What I mean to say is that there is no certain bar an ordinary person can ever pass to be given any prize of the "ultimate Έλληνας". Not even Greeks in Greece know where that bar is when it comes to their own touch with tradition. There is no golden standard, no finishing line!

I encourage you to continue your journey on learning Greek things and while you are at it, know that objectively you have nothing to prove to anyone, even though you might feel otherwise. I say, fly to your grandma's cousin and let her teach you stuff!

You know that the intimidating demeanor Greek aunties and grandmas have doesn't necessarily reflect their love for you. You might also know that older Greeks are more reserved in showing appreciation. And in the hypothetical scenario where they don't really like you that much, they are still bound to you because you are family, so feel free to use their expertise 👀 If they don't give their knowledge to their family, whom are they going to give it to?? The neighbor??

If they throw any shade at you for now knowing enough take a deeeeeep breath, remember this isn't a race, and continue learning from them. (And you will feel the Greek experience of not deemed worthy enough by your relatives 😂 It's a win win!) If you haven't, check the poem Ithaca by K.P. Kavafy! I think it applies to this situation in a way!

You can always come here and browse thousands of posts about Greece! (In the Desktop version the most important show up on the left of the main page). I have #modern Greece #Greek custom #Greek tradition #Greek dance #Greek cuisine #Greek literature and whatever else your heart desires!

If you want to slowly learn Greek, Greekpod 101 and Easy Greek channels on YouTube have great content! I also have my tag #learn Greek on this blog with sources and explanations. (#Greek language and #Greek word can also be useful!) They are all accessible to English speakers!

You now have a distant Greek auntie who is at your disposal for any type of question (even the "stupid" questions)! Literally, ask me anything and I will try to answer it or find more info for you! You can DM me if you don't want to leave an ask. You are not intruding and it's my pleasure to help!

[bookofmirth]

I believe that a big part of the problem is that here there are people from various countries and the interpretation of race and color is different from how it is in the US. This got a little long, forgive me for this.

I can say that here in Brazil the issue of race is not so widely discussed (people of mixed race are read as they are presented, if they are light/tan/ brown and have straight hair, they are white). And this is because our country is a mestizo country created through rape, a large part of the population doesn't know where they come from and a large part has indigenous/African descent and a lot of people don't even know they have descent.

So a lot of POC people here are considered white, so when SJM says a character is bronze, brown or tan in color, a lot of people will picture them as someone who is white with a little color, which a lot of people here are, and they are considered white because a lot of people who are that color here are read that way.

How mixed people here are seen depends on the context they are in and many are seen as white. Your ancestry doesn't count much here, it's just how you are read. This is an example of me, I am read as POC by all my family, childhood friends and people where I live, however in my work and college people read me as white.

I am saying this because I know that there are many people who are in the fandom here at TUMBLR and they are Brazilians, many don't know the colors of the characters for sure because of the horrible translation and also because the description of POC sometimes are of people seen as white here. These are issues discussed here but about POC that are lighter or that are mixed, we don't have the same thinking as you because here the society/people of such a place read you one way and you will be seen that way, regardless of your race (so Lucien is read by many as a white person, just like the bat boys)

I may not have expressed myself well at some point here, I apologize if I have, but I say this because just as things are seen a little differently here, maybe in other countries they are too, and maybe, maybe, that is why some people can't understand the problematics of the things they talk about (this is an explanation only from these people, if someone who is reading this and lives in a place that sees things the same way as the USA and is reproducing this speech, be ashamed and correct yourself, as we should also correct ourselves)

Yeah I can see this being an issue! I think that you are completely right about this, and I know the Brazilian fandom especially has exploded lately (based on what I have seen!) I think that's an important consideration, and it's something I think a lot about when I teach international students - an American definition of "race" or of "diversity" is not at all how they might think about those concepts, so I can't just talk about those things in the same way, by assuming we all have the same understanding.

Even with the whole issue of the way that Lucien is discussed when it comes to Elain, that is a very American-centered reason why it's inappropriate. It's because of American history and an American context that some of us are like "hold up, this is not okay because of x, y, and z".

The concept of "whiteness", like you pointed out, is also contextual. A group of people isn't considered "white" just because of the color of their skin, but a lot of other factors and it's always related to how a certain group retains power over others. Which just goes to show how race is bullshit in the first place.

I'm sure that translation plays a factor as well. If sjm isn't clear in the first place, then it must be difficult for a translator to make that decision, and they might end up simplifying things (by going with the default white, which isn't the default everywhere but it is in the US).

But... I think that we should still be able to understand one another's reasoning? If someone just said, "while I hadn't heard of that before but thanks for letting me know" and went about their day. Or if someone said, "well in my country/culture/whatever this is what we have experienced". Or something??? But that's not how people have been responding, at least not publicly. It could be a really interesting learning experience. I am personally curious if similar things happened in other cultures or countries, if, because of my explanation, someone has ever thought "oh, that's like this one thing where I am from". There is nothing wrong with, as you said, correcting ourselves. Even if people don't see things the same way because of their culture or because American history just literally has no bearing on their lives, then say that! Personally, I would be much more understanding of that than of someone who just gets rude.

And people just straight up not understanding the argument and saying "oh, they think Elain is racist!" is just not good reading. It's been explained so thoroughly by many people, and so it seems like an intentional misreading in order to discredit people who bring up the issue, at this point.

I think you expressed your thoughts well! I totally don't mind getting new perspectives like this, especially if they seem very thoughtful! Which you did.

Wait I have to add one thing, which is that one of the posters I used as an example of a man of color terrorizing a white woman in a poster was German, so it’s definitely not just an American thing! But that’s beside the point of this ask and ive already rambled 🤣

[fandomcolourofmyskin]

Please don't take this the wrong way, but you realize that this show is explicitly about the poor, Midwestern white male experience? They lack privilege on multiple levels which the show explores (sa m the janitor, Dean the grunt), and all of the queer issues stem almost directly from the poor white male's low level of self determination/ agency or the perception thereof I'm a poor whitish person from a similar area, and it feels unique to see a poor white show that isn't Roseanne.

Hi nonnie,

I have a lot of things to say in response to your message — which does display ignorance of societal organization across systemic racial lines — but without creating a huge extensive post, here are some crucial points to consider:

- The “poor Midwestern white male experience” does NOT discount the insulated bubble of white privilege that Sam and Dean Winchester occupy, and neither is Supernatural immune from racist narratives and/or racist character implementation (especially ‘cause SPN has predominantly white production crew/writers around the table. Again, any literary narrative or script they conceive can and most likely will be influenced by internalized unconscious white dominance —> white-painted narratives perceived by POC viewers. I mean, scour this blog/google ‘Supernatural and racism’ and you’ll get the picture.)

- Additionally, stating that the show is “explicitly about” the poor Midwestern white male experience is false. Yes, you’re a poor white person from a similar area, and so you believe that, as a white person, the show’s premise reflects your experience. However, your statement doesn’t represent reality. The racial blind spot here is: media consumption by (realities of) white people will not equate to media consumption by (realities of) POC.

As I said here, we cannot talk about other systemic forces like socioeconomic class without addressing race. Race is inherently interweaved into other structural dimensions. It’s why BIPOC (Black Indigenous POC) + POC are: statistically paid less than white employees, unequally treated in terms of job capability, encounter unconscious bias across the hiring market, struggle to find jobs, unable to afford three-story suburban houses, and can never seem to find favour no matter how hard we work.

Reni Eddo-Lodge reiterates what white privilege is. When we say ‘white privilege’, we aren’t referring to white people always having it easy, or living in the lap of material wealth (but economic race disparities are instrinsically linked to material wealth), or lacking suffering, or living in poverty.

White privilege: the unearned set of societal benefits, advantages, and positive attitudes/behaviours bestowed upon white people solely because they are white (because of the pale/white colour of their skin). Claiming that Sam and Dean “lack privilege on multiple levels” perpetuates the continuous erasure of the POC reality, as well as intersectional BI+POC realities (being PoC, queer, and disabled, etc). What’s our reality? We actually lack privilege on multiple levels because of the colour of our skin. Your claim could imply that white privilege isn’t a thing, but it is. Think of white privilege as the air we breathe: it’s there, and we’re surrounded by it, and we breathe it in, yet because air is mostly invisible, some people aren’t always aware of it until you tell ‘em “Hey dude, did you know you’re inhaling oxygen?” The answer would be: “Obviously. Idk why you’re pointing that out - I already know that. You saying I’m dumb?” (lol not too far off from white defensiveness, right?) White people are so used to their privilege that they feel weird, ‘uncomfortable’ and ‘unsafe’ once people of colour point out their privilege. They subconsciously (and consciously) refuse to lose their place at the top. They’ll be offended.

To address your message, specifically — Sam and Dean hold white privilege as white men despite being poor. This is an uncomfortable fact that white SPN audiences must acknowledge.

If translated into real life, Sam and Dean will walk inside a bar and not be suspected of crime at first glance. They won’t look suspicious. They won’t get physically assaulted, shot at, killed, and/or lynched, both by police and fellow white men. They can speak, eat, and behave however they please without getting kicked out. They’ll chase after people they wanna bang or make inappropriate moves without being accused of sexual harrassment; BI+POC are typically falsely accused. (*Bonus Salt incoming* Sam and Dean won’t die permanently on their own show. The BI+PoC allies they have are often killed off to forward their plot and channel white manpain, then embody racist narrative tropes. As an Asian, Kevin Tran’s Stereotypical-Asian presence upset me, and his death further hurt my sensibilities. It did not shock me at all to see yet another Asian character killed off. Again, I must mention the horrible Asian-fetishist-exotificating Busty Asian Beauties, as well. Heck, S8 episode title “What’s Up Tiger Mommy?” was blatantly racist that I can’t believe no one demanded they change the episode premise + Kevin and Linda Tran’s characterizations. JUST KIDDING, of course I know why no one emphasized the issue - there are barely any BI+PoC in the writer’s room. This is why hiring us must become important).

Unfortunately - and unlike your opinion - Supernatural is not “unique” for us BI+PoC fans. It’s a show manned by predominantly white cast/crew that centralizes two white men and their respective narrow realities. We don’t live in a bubble. We’re everywhere. Depict us properly, with cultural/racial sensitivity, in entertainment, media, art forms, and more. Acknowledge our lack of privilege on multiple levels.

We live within a society set up for people of colour to fail. Whiteness is the default, and the privilege intrinsically linked to that ensconces an entire array of political, social, cultural and economic structures advantaging white people while disadvantaging People of Colour.

You’re a poor white person. I’m not, and the likelihood of the white poor person being given an opportunity to escape poverty is statistically MUCH, MUCH higher than the likelihood of poor POC to escape poverty.

[lilquill]

On Representation, Diversity, and “have characters of color just don’t write about the experience of being a person of color”

Alright. I’m gonna piss a bunch of people off and also confuse a bunch of well-intentioned white people because I don’t think that you can write about a character of color without talking about the experience of being a person of color of a certain culture.

Seriously. There’s so many conversations celebrating how people have narratives where it “doesn’t matter” that one of their characters is a person of color and that their characters’ identity as a person of color “doesn’t affect the storyline” or whatever.

I’m going to cut right to the chase here: as a reader and storyteller of color, I’m not a fan of narratives where race doesn’t affect the story.

My race and culture and ethnicity ABSOLUTELY impact the way I perceive the world around me! For instance, many South Asian families bond with lively debates and discussions and lovingly roasting their family members. The way that I develop positive relationships, often with a solid dose of conflict and loudness and argument, is therefore fundamentally different from the way a white person would develop relationships; in fact, many white people are intimidated by how loud South Asians like myself are. We’re dramatic and loud and love jokes with wordplay! That’s just how it is and it means I form bonds with people differently.

I also have different values. White people are often more individualistic in culture, with more weird distant formal bonds with their parents (shit like referring to their parents by first name or, on the other end of the spectrum, calling their dads “sir”???) as opposed to the more comfortable and closer bond I have with my parents, where my family is all up in my shit literally all the time LMAO.

Literally white families are SO DISTANT to the point where white people consider practices like co-sleeping with your young child, something very common in South Asian families, to be child abuse?? Like, as if keeping your baby in a crib in another room where they’re not close to you and it’s harder to hear them isn’t dangerous but apparently suffocating a child while sleeping (which is very rare especially since co-sleeping is a practice that has gone on for MILLENNIA) is the bigger threat here??

White kids might perceive that as invasive or a violation of their privacy; I don’t perceive it that way because of the way South Asian families are structured. There’s a stronger emphasis on closeness with family. Of course, there are situations of kids being estranged or difficult family relationships or child abuse in South Asian families as well, but family is more valued in my culture.

The plants I put in my garden are different because of my identity; flowers like bela (Arabian jasmine) and bougainvillea and roses and gladiolus and marigolds and such things are what I’m fond of because of biases based on what my parents and grandparents like. I even once grew nenua (a type of squash). (I’m gonna get my hands on a raat ki rani soon I hope!!) And, of course, not every South Asian is partial to these flowers, but there’s definitely a cultural aspect as to why I personally like them!

The colors and patterns I gravitate towards are also different! I’m not a big fan of western “neutrals” and I find bright colors more appealing, especially because hey, those vibrant shades look better on brown skin! And GUESS WHAT, part of why the western world gravitates towards neutral colors in formalwear is because of colonialism and a disdain for the vibrant colors and dyes that colonized countries used. I love wearing jhumka earrings and statement necklaces and bright, vibrant jewelry as well. Now, obviously, this isn’t the case with every South Asian, but there is certainly some level of impact on these choices from my culture and upbringing.

Hell, even the food I eat is different! I drink chai in the evenings. I gravitate towards spicier dishes and better seasoning. I don’t eat meat other than fish/seafood and chicken and occasionally turkey because of cultural stuff, though ofc lots of South Asians are vegetarian and on the flip side lots of South Asians DO eat red meat and stuff.

And this isn’t even universal to ALL South Asians by any means, because my parents are specifically Hindu and from northeastern India and I’ve grown up in California! And there’s so many other details I could go into but for the sake of not writing a twelve-page essay I’m stopping here. 

Basically, my point is, I don’t want representation where race “doesn’t matter” to the story. Race impacts so many aspects of my life and how I perceive and interact with the world around me.

It’s ridiculous to me how so much “representation” is basically just starting with a default of a white character, making her brown, avoiding the stereotypes, and that’s....it. It doesn’t feel real. It doesn’t feel authentic to take away cultural impacts on your characters. People start with white western archetypes and tropes and try to mold them to fit characters of color, instead of starting off with an authentic character of color, and it really, really shows.

Especially because Tumblr and writeblr are such white spaces, and also because culture is usually picked up from the environment as opposed to online, the conversations centered around “representation” are always about “don’t do x stereotypes” as opposed to how to actually learn about other cultures and actually....write a character of color. So many of y’all only know how to NOT write a character of color as opposed to how to ACTUALLY write a character of color.

I see so many lists of tropes and things to not include in stories, and not enough things about values and family structures and food and fashion and ways of developing relationships and all that fun stuff that will shape who you are as a person.

And some of y’all don’t even TRY to, I dunno, engage with the culture of your character of color to actually write them. For instance, if you’re writing a South Asian character, go explore South Asian cinema! Go make South Asian friends who can tell you little details about their lives as they, y’know, exist and are your friend! In general, explore the movies and literature and music and dance types and food and drink and whatnot of the culture your character is from! Form relationships with people of those cultures; it’s the internet! I know this is a super white space but there’s PLENTY of poc on here! Make an effort, not just to avoid harmful stereotypes, but to write a character of color whose identity actually MATTERS.

When I’m reading escapist fantasy/sci-fi/romcom/etc. literature where characters aren’t being hurt by racism, I don’t want a story where RACE doesn’t exist, I want a story where RACISM doesn’t exist. I want cultural understanding, empathy, and compassion!

I don’t want a role a white character would play just switched out with a character of color.

For instance, in the movie To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, Lara Jean’s identity as East Asian is reflected in her fashion choices; book author Jenny Han lent inspiration for this. The Yakult drinks she likes, inspired by Korean tastebuds, plays a role in the story, too. These are details that don’t necessarily heavily impact the plot; it’s a fake-dating high school romcom. But they make a more real, fleshed-out character. They’re little details, little in-jokes and references, showing that the character’s race and culture actually MATTER to the story.

There’s a part in Pacific Rim where Raleigh Beckett, a white man, is frustrated with Mako Mori, a Japanese woman, for not going against the wishes of her father figure, Pentecost. When he tells her she doesn’t have to obey him, she responds, “It’s not obedience, Mr. Beckett. It’s respect.” This depicts her cultural understanding of family and respect; her relationships and her responses to things are impacted by her culture.

This is what I’m talking about! In order to write an actual character of color, you MUST write about their experiences to a certain extent. Of course, don’t make your characters of a certain culture a monolith in terms of personalities and responses and all that, but understand how they may be similarly impacted by their identities.

Now, don’t write a whole damn novel about a character coming to terms with their racial identity and coping with racism, but you absolutely MUST holistically incorporate their identity into your narrative.

Otherwise, it’s not actually representation. It’s you essentially writing a racebent white character. It’s you using a white default and trying to adapt it to totally different experiences.

[monchikyun]

XVIII. bury a friend

It has been awfully quiet for about an hour now. As Connor ended his story with horrible dejection written all over his face, he turned around and initiated his stasis, refusing any and all comfort Gavin has been more than willing to provide. He did expect it to be something twisted and tragic like that, even imagined the worst possible scenario before being told how it really went down, just to be safe. If he’s honest with himself, the reality isn't very far from the most fucked up course of events his mind has been able to cook up. Still, it has been able to freeze the blood in his veins, which has paralysed his brain for the amount of time it took Connor to withdraw to his simulated sleep. 

Gavin has already cursed himself for being so goddamn incompetent when it comes to emotional issues, blamed himself for the cold shoulder he didn't even have the chance to receive. He still does, as he lies glued to the bed, counting the cracks in the ceiling. His nicotine addiction is begging him to go into the cold and give it what it needs to survive, but the warmth of his current company is impossible to leave. His hand aches for the smallest touch, for some confirmation that Connor is still here with him. So he directs his sight to the body next to him, letting himself be mesmerised by the constellations of freckles decorating the android's bare arm. It's a painful view, knowing that he still doesn't have the right to connect those dots with his own defects, to interpose himself with this amazing, flawed being who has carved a hole in his chest and invaded his heart.

He remembers how the android was back when he found him on the roof, finally realising the enormous difference created by the months they’ve spent together. Last spring he dreaded going to work, feared that Connor just wouldn’t show up one day and he wouldn’t be able to see him ever again. Or worse, all that would remain of him would be the empty vessel that used to house his colourful soul, something that would kill his last hopes. He was tempted to become a well-meaning stalker then, to always be near for when a potential threat arrives, but that idea was too exhausting for him in the end, and so he left his worries to a silent prayer which guided him all through to summer. 

With the warmth came the first smile and a myriad of gratitudes for his uncharacteristic kindness. That’s when they started having casual conversations, a big leap from the uncomfortable silences that filled their shared hours in the previous season. It was somewhere in July when he first regarded Connor as his friend, without his vigilant denial disagreeing that fact. Gavin has always found the android very attractive, like an eye candy specifically developed for his torment, but knowing there was a whole, unpolished person behind that plastic perfection has made his partner so much more appealing. He simply couldn’t stop himself getting drawn to him, despite all the countless attempts to emotionally distance himself from the one who lived inside his dreams. It was either letting himself be eaten by the monsters living in his past, or inviting in the one person who has the power to push them away from his corrupted mind.

For the longest time, he did neither. Though his inability to act on his feelings was due to more than just the inherent fragility of their source, he was simply afraid like he has always been when it comes to things that have the potential to hurt him. He'd rather be thrown in a paper shredder than to have his soul bruised again. Physical pain is easy to understand, straightforward in its healing. Time usually takes care of what needs to be done, but when it comes to the mind, sometimes even passing years will have little to no effect on the waste that has accumulated in someone’s innermost core. And Gavin didn't want to add onto the rotting pile of mess that has already been too much to bear as it is. But that was months ago, and as the earth was becoming colder, the warmth that had started budding inside of him turned into sweltering heat.

When autumn was nearing its end, he understood that he would soon burn up if he didn’t begin dealing with his problem. Maybe that’s how they got here, to a place where he doesn’t have to call his feelings inconvenience anymore, having breached the border that has kept them apart all these months. He wants to stop fighting it for good. This truth is sent to him from above as he puts his fingers on Connor's bare temple, tracing the ghost of the LED that used to signify his nature. 

He'd like to say that the fact that one of them isn't human is what prevented them from giving into their hearts' desires, but that is far from the truth. Life is much more complicated than that, not as black and white as he wants it to be. 

Gavin wishes their relationship was defined, so he could casually take the android in his arms and hold him away from the evil of the world, just for a short while, just so he can expand his collection of irreplaceable moments that he doesn't ever want to forget. 

He considers getting just a bit closer, weighing all the pros and cons that ultimately mean nothing because deep down he recognises that their sentiments are shared. So he lowers his steadying hand down from Connor’s temple, ready to enfold everything his partner represents. But fortune isn’t on his side tonight, because as soon as he begins his movement, Connor wakes up with a jerk that betrays confusion lined up with its best friend, unease. 

"Did you have a nightmare?" Gavin is more than familiar with the concept of being tortured by his own psyche as he lays it to rest, so he's aware of just how disorienting such illusions can be, how unrelentingly cruel and merciless they often are. 

"No, no... I-... androids can't normally dream. I wasn't really sleeping, just… thinking. More than I should." 

Gavin scoots over so their shoulders are just about touching, a decision his conscious mind has had no say in. 

"Do you wanna talk 'bout it?" A quiet, tentative question just barely escapes his lips for fear he gets denied entrance into Connor's trove of dark secrets. 

There is a short, excruciating period of silence before he gets his answer.

"You know how I can preconstruct any future scenario based on the information available to me?" 

"Yeah? I mean… sorta. Can't really wrap my mind around your technical stuff most of the time." That's only partially a lie. He ought to tell him that he doesn't want to picture his inner workings because they kind of scare him, but maybe that would be too inappropriate given the frailty of this moment. 

"Well… I saw you get buried…,” the android breathes out for reasons Gavin can only guess, “after you died, naturally." 

"Naturally." 

Why doesn't this even surprise him anymore. Of course Connor would paint himself the grimmest image possible, these are just his default settings. Give him the brightest colours and he'd draw you the darkest sky without a single star in sight. 

"That's not… I'm sorry I,... I didn't mean to… I just couldn't stop it since it went that way and…" 

"Hey, it's okay.” It hurts seeing Connor get like that, losing most of his coherency and feeling like he should apologise for it.  

“How…," Gavin takes a deep breath, trying to calm his racing thoughts down. Connor was the one who saw his funeral, not him, yet he feels like he’s been there already, among the dirt, not far from other decaying corpses. It’s an uncanny sensation. Not one he’ll be chasing any time soon. 

"How did it make you feel?" A stupid question, really, and yet the best his brain has to offer. 

"How do you think?" Gavin never knew that tears could fit an incredulous look, but the welling in Connor's eyes combined with the exasperation written all over his face is proof enough. Laughable, frankly, but he wouldn't dare. Not now, anyway. 

"Guess it sucked then." 

"That's putting it mildly." The android shakes his head and rubs his eyes before they have the chance to leak his sorrow. 

"I… I don't ever want to go through that again,” he says, desperation piercing his voice through and through. It would be easy to dismiss these ungrounded worries if it wasn’t for the two flaming brown lights probing his own mossy pools like they intend to hypnotise them and seize control over his soul.  

"You know that no one can force you to… be there... when it happens." 

"You don’t get it! That's not the point. I don't want to live in a world where two of my best friends are nothing but a memory. I realise that’s selfish, but… "

Gavin does, by all means, get it, he just tried to help, somehow. 

Connor’s eyes are turning into glass, threatening to melt again, so he closes his because God knows he does not possess the strength to witness it, not tonight at least. 

"Maybe you should just relax Con, the future will come no matter what, but we still have the might to shape it as we like. To some extent. Anyway,... I promise…," he cuts the sentence midway to inhale a big gulp of oxygen, an action which results in a minor coughing fit. 

"I promise to try my best to stay by your side as long as physically possible. " A statement which makes him want to cry instead. 

"Does it mean you’ll stop smoking then?" 

Oh, that devious android, of course this conversation would lead here, why wouldn't it. He glances at his nightstand, checking if the half-full box of cigarettes is still there, waiting for him to take its lethal fruit. Come to think about it, ever since their little trip his taste for cigarettes has somewhat diminished. Could be the fresher air just outside these thin walls, or the fact that Connor’s presence stimulates him enough already, so the need for nicotine is not as great as it is when he has to spend his time alone or surrounded by people who hold little to no significance to him, pretending like he doesn't crave something beyond the drug his body could very well function without. 

"Yeah..., yeah, okay." Gavin buries his face in his hands, disbelieving his consent. 

As he puts them away and folds them in his lap, he scroungers up a lazy smile meant to lighten up the heavy mood, to maybe clear Connor’s stormy sky a little. 

"But only if you promise to try to be more optimistic…  just a smidge.., " he makes a gesture with his two fingers to show how small of an effort would suffice. 

Then he gives Connor a friendly pat on his thigh, after which he realises that he doesn't have to limit his displays of affection anymore, not after all the intimacy they have been willing to submit themselves to already. 

So he lets his palm linger, allowing himself to rub gentle circles into the clothed skin. He doesn't have to be cautious with Connor, for the android isn't burdened with any biological organs that would make this situation uncomfortable for both parties. 

"Life isn't all bad, I’m sure you came across that particular information at least once during your time on this Earth. Experienced it, even. No?" 

"You're right." 

A trace of a hesitant smile on Connor’s lips is all that it takes for Gavin to heave a sigh of relief. He’s too tired to think beyond that feeling. Everything inside of him, all the emotions and memories blend into a blurry mixture as he starts losing the ground under his feet. 

But he must fight it, his friend still needs him awake...

"Let's go to sleep," Connor whispers, tugging him into a tender embrace. It’s warm and safe and he can't concentrate on anything but the wave of love pulling him under to the sweet slumber he’s always yearned for. 

Indeed, life can be ever so wonderful sometimes.

@a-convin-new-year

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #456

“i don’t even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger, & that feels so rough”

What was the longest time you’ve had the hiccups for? I know at LEAST over an hour. I was in agony. What type of TV shows are your favourite? Animal docs. Have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything? Bitch I still am lmao. Do you know anyone who has died in battle? No. When was the last time you went on an adventure? Bro, I could NOT tell you. I haven't had one of those in what feels like eons. What brand is your vacuum cleaner? I actually don't know. I don't pay attention. Are you good at rapping? Never tried, but I'm sure I'd be awful. I stutter too much. Name one world issue that upsets you. Just ONE????????? Well, I can name homelessness as very high on the list. How do you feel about tanning? I hate it. I can't stand the heat, so why would I deliberately go bake in it? Have you ever given a public speech? Yeah, in front of the whole 4th and 5th grade when I was innnn... one of those grades, idr which. It was for my D.A.R.E. essay. Do you read comic books? No. Do you force your way into conversations in which you are not involved? NOOOOOOOOOOO I'm way too awkward. Kiss with your eyes open or closed? Bro who tf kisses with their eyes open, that shit is creepy. Do you believe you can change someone? No. One can only change themselves. How did you react when your first pet died? I have no memory of our first pet. Have you ever drawn anime? No. Can you use a pogo stick? When I was a kid, I became a MASTER. I got one for I want to say Christmas and I was obsessed. When’s the next time you’ll see the person that you like? Idk, first he needs to get on Facebook and see I messaged him alsdkfjalkdj. He like never gets on there. Do you like bathing/showering? No. One, it's a chore, and two, it's actually painful for me, standing up so long and propping my legs up and stuff like that to clean myself properly. Have you ever considered entering a race? HEEEEEEEEEEELL no. Rihanna or Lady Gaga? Probably Gaga, idk. Who was your first good kiss with? Jason. What accessory do you want in your bedroom? I actually kinda want a TV now? What do you take the most pictures of? Flowers. What are you always in the mood for? Lately, Krispy Kreme donuts, lol. I haven't had one in a very long time, but goddamn does a hot glazed donut sound BANGIN' right now and has for days. What is something that you never turn down? Hm... how am I blanking??? What is something that you always turn down when offered? Certain foods or drinks, like tea. Name something sexy about your significant other. I don't have one'a those. What is one of your hobbies that you refuse to give up? Um, idk. As interests work, I may move away from any hobby eventually. If you could be a professional in any sport what would it be? Dance. If you could be a professional at any instrument what would it be? Violin. Would you rather be a surgeon or mortician? A mortician. That job doesn't even seem all that bad to me? I think it'd be kinda chill somehow???? I could NEVER be a surgeon. I'd be terrified of fucking something up. Have you ever been on a subway? No. Are you in love? No. Do you like having your lip softly bitten when you’re kissing? *eyes emoji* Do you want to get married when you’re older? Yes. What was the last band shirt you wore? PROBABLY my Metallica shirt? But I'm unsure, ultimately. You can have a milkshake right now. What flavor do you choose? Ugh, I've been wanting a nice chocolate milkshake for a while. Have you ever given someone flowers? For Mother's Day one year, I collected some wildflowers to put in a jar for Mom. I've also given Jason roses before. I really wanted to give Sara some when I surprised her for her birthday, but I didn't want to ask her parents to drive me somewhere where I could buy her some, ha ha. What day of the week is usually your busiest day? None. My days are all the same. Do you have any concerts coming up? No, but UGH, I was so hyped a few days ago because I saw Motionless In White was going on tour next year, but of course they're going to the big city on the OTHER end of the state versus the capital, which I'm way closer to. -_- Bands ALWAYS choose Charlotte on the super rare occasion they come to NC... Do you like or hate the smell of fish? Ugh, I hate it. What’s your favorite brand of chips? Doritos, maybe? Between Mountain Dew and those... I am such a fucking gamer stereotype lmfao. Have you ever written a poem and then read it aloud? I think I had to before in school? Idr. Do you like pineapple? Love it. Does your house have a dishwasher? Yes. A dishwasher is one thing I MUST have in my own future house. I cannot stand touching dirty dishes. Do you know anyone who has a flower tattoo? Oh, absolutely. Sunflower tattoos are especially popular around here. How many different languages can you say goodbye in? English, German, and uhhh Spanish? Agree or disagree: You like Adam Sandler movies. I don't mind them. I've never understood the hate, honestly? I think he's capable of being funny. Have you ever had to get a tooth pulled? If so, what for? Only by myself when I was a kid losing my baby teeth. Have you ever dated anyone while they were in jail? Nooooo. If you’ve ever babysat, do you like it? Fuck no, I hate it. What is your favorite flavor on sunflower seeds? I don't like those. Do you get cold easily? No, but I get hot extremely easily. Do you get a lot of spiders in your house? I don't think so, no. Do you admire nature? I positively adore nature. If only we treated it better... Name one naughty thing you’ve done. Done sexual things in places I probably shouldn't have, oops. Name two of your favorite things as a child. Pokemon and Webkinz. Do you own a Pillow Pet? No. They're cute, though. My niece has one. Do you tend to solve problems with violence? Absolutely not. Have either of your parents gone to jail? No. Do you know a hoarder? Yes. Do you wax, pluck, or leave your eyebrows? I just leave 'em be, honestly. Do you have any interesting scar stories? Not really. Do you hate the texture of meatballs? No, I love me some meatballs. Do you get migraines? Very, very rarely. They fucking suck. Do you like guns? NOOOOOOO guns terrify me alsd;kjfal;sdjfk Are turtles amazing creatures? All animals are. :') How much time do you spend taking surveys? A whole lot. It's just that I'm like... always bored and the randomness of surveys can add interesting little flares to the day, I guess. Would you rather visit: The Eiffel Tower or Egyptian Pyramids? Pyramids, for sure. Would you like to work at a candy shop? No. I don't want to work directly with people. Do you have feelings for someone? It's funny; now that I've settled the extreme indecision, I've come to realize that they're very strong feelings. How you go from being indecisive to really, really liking somebody, hell if I know. Which one of your guy friends is the best looking? Uhhh Girt is like my only real guy friend, so I guess it's by default him, ha ha. I'm not particularly attracted to him, but he's not ugly by any means. Do you have anything to say to your ex bf/gf? I'm so sorry. Which band do you have the most of on your iPod/music player? Either Ozzy or Metallica. Most likely Ozzy, though. Which song describes your mood at the moment? Hm. I dunno. Which movie(s) do you quote the most? None, really. Which one of your best friend’s friends would you most likely date? None; we don't share irl friends, being many states apart, and not even that many online ones. Would you ever let anybody else drive your car? I don't have my own car. Which one of your friends will be the most successful? I'm not psychic. What store did you last shop at? Mom and I picked up a Wal-Mart order the other day. Do you think telepathy is real? Absolutely not. When did you last draw something for fun? A few days ago, I started a drawing of Maieykio for Sara. Who makes the most in your entire family? I have no idea. Do you like writing essays? I don't mind, if the topic interests me. Do you think plastic surgery is no big deal? Nah. Well, I think you can take it to an visual extreme, but that's just my opinion. Do what makes you comfortable in your own body. Do you take your trash to the dump or have it picked up? It's picked up. When you sneeze do you sneeze into your shirt or your hands? The inside of my elbow. Do you usually have sex in the morning, noon or night time? It usually happened at night. Did you ever fail your learners/drivers test? Haven't taken it yet. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? OH MY GOD NEITHER Name someone you’ve become a lot closer to recently: No one, really? Well, unless you count my change of feelings for Girt, but it's just that: a type of change. I've loved him platonically since high school, and it's like, I feel the same for him, just in a romantic way now? Does your car have a sunroof? No. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? My mom. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Nope, not how I roll. Who’s the last person you cuddled with? Sara. Unless you count my cat. Are you friends with any of your teachers on Facebook? Former teachers, yes. I feel kinda bad for 'em now... They're all the sweetest, God-fearing people, and then there's my outspoken (online) and liberal ass sharing shit that's gotta disappoint them now lmaoooo.

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

something to get off my chest..

I’ve read about this a bit, and went through some thoughts from others and I’d like to say something. Can fanfiction writers be a bit more inclusive to POC(I’m going to be focusing on black readers, as that’s where I can say what I feel)  and such. The writing from the people I read from is fine, so if you’re one of my fanfic writing moots, don’t worry, you’re in the clear :). It’s just a general PSA type thing of me saying “Please include us, I feel out of place and misrepresented and with writing and fanfiction, I kind of feel left out when I see certain things in a fic or whatever it may be.” Been bothering me a little bit.

Examples Where Inclusion Could be Added:

“Ran fingers through S/O’s hair” As a black girl, I’d love for this phrase to be real, and to happen, but sometimes it’s just not happening. I’ve got tighter textured hair, and I’d enjoy for a character to put their hand on my hair, or take a small piece and scrunch a tiny curl.

“When the character puts their hair into a ponytail” Along with the running their fingers through my hair thing, a lot of the time, my hair won’t be going into a ponytail and stay slick and whatnot. Improvements could be to put their hair into an afro puff, or putting a headwrap on, etc.

“Pale, white as snow skin” This one’s a bit self-explanatory. Now, I will acknowledge vitiligo, and those who have it. That, as well as some POC having albinism. Those scenarios do count, but I can only speak for myself. Compare black skin to the sun, and how it shines beautifully in the golden rays. Also, don’t refer to black/brown skin tones as chocolate, caramel, or mocha. There’s tons of other things, other than food, to compare it to, or to just call it beautiful because it is.

“Discoloration” A lot of the time, POC might have discoloration of the skin, and uneven skin patches, and yes, I know this isn’t just a black people thing, white people may experience it too, but that’s where that comes in. Mention discoloration, or make it a topic to shed light on in a fic.

“Silky smooth hair” My hair is not silky smooth, and it may never be that way. It’s curly, coily, and a lot of the times, dry. It’s rough to the touch, and the curls have their own feel and pattern. Perhaps, you could shed some light on how the hair feels. Do NOT compare it to sheep wool, carpet, anything rough like that. It’s demeaning and rude. Instead, make it seem perfectly imperfect, our hair isn’t going to be like fresh sheets.

“They had long hair, reaching (blank) length.” A lot of our hair IS NOT LONG. Or what is considered long in this white beauty standard. Yes, my hair stretches to my back, but does it look like that upon immediate arrival? No, no it doesn’t. Try mentioning different hair styles that the reader might have it in, such as braids, a hijab, headwrap, afro puffs, cornrows.

How Curly Hair Dries. I am acknowledging that fact that any texture of hair can and does grow out of any person’s head, regardless of race. However, I’m mentioning it. If the fic is talking about it raining, or them getting water on their hair, or being in a pool. Mention how their hair droops then shrinks, because curly hair does that. How it may get frizzy, puffy, all that jazz.

“Character straightened their hair, character did French braids, character did hair crown, character curled their hair” Now, I know black hair does a lot, but we do NOT straighten our hair every day. It takes too long, and it does too much heat damage. We can do French braids, but they don’t come loose immediately. They’re protective styles for a reason. We also can do hair crowns, but like I said, it’s going to be a STRUGGLE. Mention other hair styles, and other black hairstyles, and what the character does or doesn’t do to it everyday. One day it might be moisturizer day, or wash day. They could do a wash and go, or leave it down, braid it, twist out, braid out. Whatever it may be, add it in.

SFW Fic Ideas That Include These Things:

The character’s S/O, or boyfriend, let me say for this example, Nathan Young (teehee) asks if he can help on a wash day, and they approve. He also has curly hair, but it’s a different texture to most black hair, and mention that too. How he might ask for help, try not to hurt them, gets confused at how much product they might have to use. (A LOT).

The character’s S/O or boyfriend, thus again, using Nathan as an example, asking how they might style it, if he can help. He learns how to braid, twist, add in coconut oil, moisturizer, all that. Combing correctly and not RIPPING their hair out,

The character’s S/O or boyfriend helping with hot oil treatments, and heating everything up, parting hair, adding things where they need to be added.

The character might be having a really rough hair day, and they help out, combing through it.

The character might get turned down at work because of how their hair is styled, angst, comfort, fluff. Add in how they feel, how it made them feel, all those negative emotions.

Character got called an “angry black woman”, and how she deals with it, how her S/O deals with it.

Character got turned down at work simply because of the color of their skin, mention the angst (and the fight their S/O had with the company.)

Character wants their hair played with, but carefully. Mention how their S/O twists their finger around their hair, trying not to hurt them. Calling their hair beautiful, a crown, precious, angelic.

Character has their hair touched unwillingly in public, they have a break down, comfort, fluff. How they retort in a respectful way.

Character educating their S/O on what’s okay and what’s not okay to do with their hair, how to care for it, how to touch it, when to touch it.

HEADWRAPSSSSS. Character’s head wrap is always coming off at night, S/O giggles, helps them wrap their hair, always looks forward to helping them find it in the morning.

S/O has never been with a “black girl” before, mention how wrong it is to say something like that, how insensitive it is.

Character goes on a date, a person says “I’ve never been with a black girl/chocolate girl.” before, and storms out, person is ignorant. Mention how they go back to future S/O (friends to lovers yessss) and cry over it “I’ll never treat you like that.”

NSFW mentions below the cut.

“Character touched their pink nipples.” My nipples are NOT pink, thank you very much. They’re much darker than our skin colors. Mention whoever you maybe writing about slowly circling their tongue around the (specific color) nipples, don’t just default to pink

“Character touched their pink pussy; saw their pink pussy.” All vaginas are NOT made equal, let me tell you. Vaginas are different colors, depending on your skin tone. A lot of the time, with POC, they fade into pink, and the actual inside of the vagina is pink, but not the surrounding area. The skin around the pubic mound darkens in color, and the closer it reaches the vagina, the darker it may be, due to discoloration, skin rubbing, etc.

STRETCH MARKS. This one isn’t race specific, every color of skin can have stretch marks, BUT the color does differ. As a person who has stretch marks, mostly near my nether regions, the darker the skin they’re on, the darker they’ll be. Try adding in sprinkles of stretch marks for ALL of your characters.

Body Shape. Now, there are curvier white people, and I do acknowledge that fact, but with black people, there is a certain body type that a lot of us have. Big titties, fat ass, big hips, big thighs. NOW, black people and POC are sexualized and fetishized a fuck ton, and I’m tired of it. If our body types are mentioned, and it’s a specifically black or POC character, don’t make it all that they’re about, especially when writing about smut. Yes, they can be thicc, and beautifully so, but don’t oversexualize that about them.

“Character grabbed on to their hair, pulling it tight.” I don’t like my hair being touched without permission, forget the pulling. Have it where the character might ask permission to touch their hair, even if they’re getting down and dirty.

NSFW Fic Ideas That Include These Things

Character wants their pussy licked, and their S/O mentions how beautiful their pussy is, how beautiful their skin is.

Character and S/O see each other nakie for the first time, mention their pubic hair (if they have it, make it inclusive). Mention stretch marks, how they feel as their S/O/ drags their fingers, tongue across them. Tongue dragging against their nipples (mention color).

Character doesn’t want their hair touched during intercourse. Mention the talk about it, potentially angst if S/O accidentally touches it or unintentionally upsetting them about it.

Character does wash day, turns into something dirty, grinding, close contact.

Character is doing their hair, S/O gets turned on by how careful she is, how her body is so still, how she has no care about how her breast spills out from her bra.

Character is doing a hot oil treatment, oil gets on their body, titties, drips down, S/O gets turned on.

These are just my feelings, a couple of suggestions. Fanfiction is something I enjoy writing, as well as enjoy reading, and I want it to be inclusive for everyone, not just the status quo, and the “average reader”. I hope someone finds something out of all of this, and takes it to heart. :)

[soulvomit]

I'm a woman who identified with flawed male characters because in many cases, socially odd or awkward women just didn't exist in the media. "Normie" women often don't identify with them, or they're portrayed in shallow ways (MPDG, Adorkable, etc) where the message to us comes across as "it's okay to be weird as long as you're fuckable and non-threatening." I.e., as long as your awkwardness also dovetails with traditional white upper class femininity. (And the reason I'll go there at all is because the icons of acceptable awkwardness we're given *are* always white and middle to upper class. It's not acceptable for anyone else to be weird.)

Then there's the quiet assumption that weird *grown women* don't exist (except as the eccentric aunt with the 20 cats) and I think it's because we assume weird girls get remediated by less weird/more popular girls. This is even in a couple of well known books about autism. Liane Holliday-Willey, in "Pretending to be Normal," even suggested that some girls pass as neurotypical because they receive social and behavioral correction by socially more able girls.

As a woman who was endlessly socially remediated by other women, the flip side of that is:

The girl trying to tutor the other girl is always portrayed as the "good" person in that scenario. She is seen as engaging in warm, nurturing, female-compulsory behavior and gets rewarded for being prosocial... whether the other girl responds to the remediation or not. Authority figures will see her as being helpful and inclusive.

Heaven help the girl who doesn't respond well to being "helped" (either because she can't *not* be "different," or because she DOESN'T WANT TO, or she simply only wants to be in egalitarian friendships with people who take her at face value).

If you respond well to the correction, the Queen Bee gets social points. (But heaven help you should you respond TOO well and you become any kind of equal. Or heaven help you if you have demands of your own. The more "normal" girl is always seen as gracious and magnanimous.)

If you don't respond well to the correction or you refuse it, then... what you'll hear is, why are you being such a bitch to this girl who was only trying to help. The girl trying to "help" you is *being inclusive* and your refusal is an affront against the very principle of inclusivity.

And it's not like you ever really get meaningfully included by the other girl, anyway; you're her project. If you're really much more lower status or that much more awkward or much more unattractive or poorer then she doesn't include you because you embarrass her. If you clean up TOO well, and are actually equal to her, you'll be competition.

And when you're actually socially very smart and you clue into this stuff early and you refuse to be anyone's project, you're even more disliked.

And the other problem here is that assumption that "girls get remediated" (which pats girls and women on the back for being Inclusive By Default) tends to assume all girls are getting remediated.

There are plenty of awkward girls who are *so* "beneath" the "helper" girls that they'll never get remediated, only bullied or ignored.

And often a girl "helping" another, more socially awkward girl is doing so at the behest of adults and authority figures in their life.

**

Awkward girl:

*exists*

Queen Bee (or some group of normie girls, a slightly less awkward older girl who wants to feel better about herself by having an even more awkward friend):

hi, awkward girl! I can help you not be awkward!

Awkward Girl:

*tries and fails, eventually asks to be accepted in the friendship as an equal, or goes her own way*

Queen Bee:

I gave that bitch a chance.

Everyone Else:

Yeah, you gave that bitch a chance.

**

And the thing is, Awkward Girl may not even be socially stupid. Maybe some Awkward Girls stumble into this over and over. But I got smart to it, and started trying to avoid this dynamic. And what happens when you call it out? You become the Bad Guy.

It's really about obedience.

And this is SO BROADLY ACCEPTABLE. Even in spaces ostensibly for Awkward Girls, there's the expectation of very fine levels of obedience. Your every mannerism, every most minute thing that you say, is held to an impossible standard and fine-tooth-combed for any possible sign that you were being cold, uncharitable, or ungiving. This can happen to a neurotypical woman who handles things in ways considered acceptable for men.

And anxious/traumatized women scrutinize EVEN HARDER.

Some anxious/traumatized women, instead of giving us fellow anxious women a Safe Space, often end up replicating these same othering dynamics because they're on the constant lookout for any possible slight or any possible telegraph of unconscious ill intent. They need to know if their new friend will turn on them before the new friend even knows.

And that obedience that's demanded is a display you have to put on around other people at all times - completely uncritical, not challenging in any way, never making any person feel bad about themselves. There is no default "not at fault" setting because any public statement that makes an anxious woman feel bad, is in the wrong for existing.

You have to make room for the equally tortured emotions and anxieties of other women in your friendships, anticipate their reactions (which - depending upon level of trauma - can be unpredictable), and put other people's feelings first at all times. It's a race to the bottom.

And we're so on guard against the real threat of being victimized or abused that we CAN'T even question a lot of these dynamics because if we do, now we're invalidating other women's right to not feel threatened. And if we don't try to fit into conformist spaces then we're refusing the inclusivity that was offered to us.

[writingwithcolor]

First of all, thank you for this blog, it has been really helpful for me - also thank you for the efficient navigation. Now to my question: I'm toying with the idea of a white OC who has (or earns) the power to basically alter the structure of things and wants to use that to help with world hunger. They gotta see what they change, so they have to visit the places. They don't want to be hailed a white savior, and change their look - should I use obvious fantasy colors like grey or purple?

Solving World Hunger: Changing Skin to Fantasy Color to Avoid the White Savior

My take: this is absolutely positively going to disrespect Indigenous populations, so long as you have an outsider come in and do the thing. This reads as extremely Western-centric and reminds me of misguided “international development” students who think that just because they have a degree in solving global scale problems, it means they can be experts.

See, the thing about sustainable food practices is, the Indigenous populations of the area have already come up with pretty good solutions. They’ve lived in the landscape for thousands of years, after all, and were pretty scientific and focused on long-term gains instead of short-term profit. It’s about as close to perfect as multiple millennia of improving and testing can do.

It’s colonialist to erase culture in the name of “betterment”

Hunter/gatherers don’t always capitalistically “maximize” their food sources in ways Westerners recognize, but it’s sustainable has been part of their culture for thousands of years. Are you going to allow them to continue their practices, or are you going to say that their culture is wrong and they must be assimilated into agriculture (that might actually be completely unsustainable even if done by magic but you won’t see the effects for 50+ years)?

Anthropologists main role over the past few years have been to elevate the voices of Indigenous people who know what works best for the area they’ve been living in for generations. Outsiders, even the most well-educated outsiders, are going to get it wrong.

You can’t make them Indigenous to get around this, because Indigenous people are not a monolith. 

Polynesian practices won’t work in sub-sahara Africa, Iroquois practices won’t work in the Amazon, etc. If you think that one ethnicity can solve the globe’s problems, you need to revisit the concept of expertise.

Eco-fascism is also a thing that happens in environmentalism very quickly, in the form of only certain types of food production/crops are “allowed” to thrive, and capitalism does not like sustainability because sustainability doesn’t exactly turn a profit. The best way to use land is often “inefficient” in the short term, but in the long term will provide a sustained food source even if that system looks much different from what we know.

The Indigenous populations around the globe have already had to deal with people who say their way of life is wrong, which your character is going to end up doing if they are the ones who decide what “the best” is. The Inuit are a fairly high-profile example, with how their seal and whale hunt is targeted; the North is such a place that seal and whale hunting is necessary, agriculture is impossible in the way we know it, and what the North needs is global warming to drastically reverse+ colonizers to stop messing with their ability to eat and for-fun hunters never setting foot in the Arctic again.

The problem isn’t the character’s skin tone. The problem is the fact they believe they can be an authority, when they cannot be at such a scale.

Decolonizing > “Fixing”

I would suggest having your character do decolonization work instead of “fixing” work. Decolonization means dismantling capitalism, restructuring agriculture/horticulture to focus on local species designed to live in the region, allowing populations to return to hunter/gatherer ways, removing invasive species (like the wrong species of earthworms in North America, which actually would need magic to fix), and restoring sovereignty of Indigenous peoples. It also means allowing greenhouses and a degree of sustainable supply chain for those with allergies who can’t eat local.

Indigenous peoples need to be centred in sustainable farming and animal husbandry practices. Their voices and their practices are what need to be elevated, instead of an outsider trying to guess what’s best in such a short period of time.

This means white people will be uncomfortable. 

Because white people do not like to give up leadership positions. They don’t like being told they need to let go of power and remove themselves from authority. But they are not the authority on how best to work lands that they have only seen as capitalistic gains. Indigenous people are.

If you want to see the potential journeys this character can undergo, read Colette’s post below.

~ Mod Lesya

Readers will view your character as white

Even as a fantasy color, your “raceless” MC will be assigned white by the majority of your readers unless you put in work to indicate otherwise. 

To the story’s world they might be an alien of sorts. To us, they are another white person who is saving the world. 

White is seen as the default when you leave it to fill-in-the-blank. Race coding (adding details that would imply they’re from a specific race, ethnic background or culture) is how one avoids this.

Directions you could take 

There’s a few ways you could go about this.

A. Make them an actual alien.

You could make them an alien, and actually develop an alien culture that does not parallel or borrow enough from specific cultures to imply they’re a human race equivalent. You would have to work pretty hard at this, as the elements you choose might come from existing regions and cultures. For example, a lot of “neutral” fantasy places are clearly coded with a European flair and no indication that they’re a Person of Color, thus implying white European descent. Then you’re back to square one with white-coded Alien solving the world’s problems. 

B. Keep them white.

You could keep them white, but face the implications within the story’s world narrative and the perspective of readers. 

Its a heavily discussed topic here, so you’ll find many resources.

White Savior WWC Posts:

How to Avoid Glorifying White Characters

The Mighty Whitey: How to not have a Colonialist Character

Writing With Color - White Savior Tag

The Khalessi Problem (Game of Thrones)

Image: Game of Thrones, the TV series. White woman being lifted up and surrounded by tan and brown-skinned people. Minor spoilers will be discussed below. 

Now, I know you don’t want a scene like the one pictured above. That’s why you’re considering they disguise themselves as a fantasy race. But there are some implications that come with a white person who snaps their fingers and solves a community’s problems like it was nothing. 

“What, like it’s hard to solve world hunger?”

On the show, she is pretty much worshiped here, but does disrespect their people enough to lose the majority of their respect and be seen as the outsider coming into their lives as she is. 

Something similar could happen where she is confronted with unintentional consequences of getting involved. There may be some backlash, mixed feelings, making it so your MC is not completely worshiped for their actions. 

What about all of the efforts that people in the community made before your character came along? Might they confront your character, and how would they feel about them? 

What if solving world hunger came with a price, and there were other issues that cropped up as a result?

What if the job is not done? As if they helped get it started, but maintaining keeping the world feed isn’t as “snap and done” as it seemed and opened up a new layer of problems that people have to deal with?

Think of how in some tales, when you get your wish from the genie, it may be answered almost too literally and the effects can be disastrous.

C. Make them a Person of Color. 

This could still lead to issues too, similar to ones you’d find with the white savior. Just because someone is a POC doesn’t mean they’re immune to disrespecting other cultures and lifestyles, or of patronizing people. 

More reading:

Is there such thing as the White Savior syndrome with a Black main character?

~Mod Colette

[scoundrels-in-love]

For the prompt-- A-14, B-10, C-9!

Hi dear, I only took ages to get this done! But I really had fun with it!!

Tracing fingers over skin + Kitchen + To start a new habit

Also on AO3 because I got severely carried away.

It starts like this:

It’s been three days since her game with Margaery and some unknown number had woken her up with a text of a screenshot of people discussing that of course the brute beat the delicate flower to dust. She blocked the number and deleted the text without even reading beyond the third line, but the sleep has been chased off and the sun is sneaking golden fingers above the horizon, so she rises to wring the stone in her chest until it yields. 

Not unusually, Jaime is down in the courts before her doing his warm up stretches, and she jogs past him without a glance because the last thing she wants to think about is the way power comes to him in sleek lines and deceptive ease.

Brienne does her own stretches and begins training, but it feels sloppy and her body jerks in response to her instincts and thoughts instead of the controlled fluidity she’s more used to having. At one point, she sends one of the tennis balls straight for Jaime’s head and he bats it down before she manages to shout a warning, which is somehow both a relief and a disappointment. She swings at the next ball with more force.

"Hey Stork," he calls, and she tries to ignore Jaime approaching her with intent and grace she really would pay to see dismantled, just fucking once. 

Her glower at the nickname feels like it’s doing her no favors, but she can't help it. He hasn't stopped calling her that since the unfortunate day she sunburned her legs, turning them that undelightful lobster - or stork - red and had to play a game, the color vivid against the stupid white of the uniform. (It hadn’t been the worst thing she had heard that day, by far, but she still would like to have left it within that day.)

"I really can't bear to watch anymore," he informs her, tossing her the ball, and she's so close to just snarling at him. 

"Then don't look," she bites instead. 

"Believe me, I've tried," Jaime says and there's something wry and a little mocking in his face. If she was any more gullible, she'd almost think it was self-depreciating. But she isn't and she begins to turn away, unwilling to let him brighten his day by mocking her appearance.

And then she's snapping back to glare at him, when he speaks a moment later.

"Are you playing to win or to apologize?" he asks, tilting his chin up just so and looking at her through his unfairly long lashes. It looks like an almost exact copy of Cersei's subtler seduction looks, but this one doesn't even try to hide the sharpness and it's way too early for her armor to be impenetrable.

 She doesn't owe him a response, but she gives it anyway. (As one always does when it comes to Lannisters.) "To win," she says and feels her nostrils flare a little.

"Then why do you apologize constantly?" he asks and steps into her space, menacing and golden like a midday sun in the middle of drought.

"With your posture, the way you hunch, how you hold your racket - all of it is just screaming 'I'm sorry you have to look at me, I'll make myself small'. It wasn’t like that last year. And I've seen you play angry, you’ve still got it." He moves around her and taps the back of her neck, her shoulder, her elbow, her wrist as he speaks. She straightens up automatically, adjusts her arm though her anger had already sprung her back ramrod straight, as if being an inch taller could pull her heart out of his maw's reach.

He looks satisfied almost, at the way she's towering over him now, and she doesn't want to tell him of Hyle and his buddies, doesn't want to speak of old scars that were opened up with a scalpel of cruelty.

"Play angry, if you must. But stop apologizing."

"Playing angry isn't my style," she tells him and sees the prisms in his eyes shift, catch light at an angle, almost like a hurt, before it settles. 

"Maybe it should be. No publicity is bad publicity and all that." 

They both know it's a lie, though Lannisters money have managed to make it as close to truth as can be. After all, he's still playing, despite the grave injury Aerys sustained. Still going for the stars, not caring if anyone says he bought them or beat them into submission.

But he isn't done with her either: "And your cool calculations obviously aren't very objective about yourself these days."

She wants to tell him that just because his default setting is egomaniac, doesn't mean a realistic vision of self is wrong but he is already leaving, tossing "see ya, Stork" over his shoulder.

She's left glaring at his retreating back and training furiously, she's left having him tap her shoulder or her elbow every morning when he passes to or from the court he’s training on, though there's no need anymore. Enough that when she goes back to Tarth for the summer, every morning seems to be missing something. 

And later, there isn't a pleasant little shiver racing beneath her skin where his tap slips down her arm in passing, almost like a caress.

There isn't.

***

It starts like this:

Jaime never looks small, but he almost does so now, staring at the Mountain across the court as they approach. It's not the way the other man is both wider and taller, it's the way Cersei's machinations are there, breathing and twisting before him.

She's moving more hurriedly before she realizes, wading through the crowd that unwillingly parts for her, toward him and catches him just before he steps out. Her hand feels hot and clumsy and heavy, but she reaches out nonetheless.

She squeezes his shoulder, mouths "play angry" to him in passing and sees a flicker of surprise across his face, as if he isn't expecting her support or her understanding of the phrase now. As if she didn't stay up working herself to exhaustion by his side, just so he wouldn't be alone and she could convince him to go to the dorm when she did, too.

Then he smiles, an echo of his old, victorious grin, but somehow sharper for all the little space it is given, and nods.

He wins. (7-6 tiebreaker)

"Thanks," he tells her later. "I guess storks do bring good luck after all."

"Since when have you become so humble to credit a win to luck?" She rolls her eyes at him, sipping iced coffee as they look over the sea lapping at the pier, glittering in the afternoon sun.

"Oh, I do know how to give credit where it's due," he laughs, but it's soft and warm and he's like a sunset beach. Her heart constricts because none of this lingering warmth and last gilded wave crests are for her.

And yet, she continues to dig her toes in the sand, doing the same shoulder clasp gesture before each of his matches. Because that's what friends do. And they are friends, bros even, and leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek like a favor of a lady, like Sansa might to Margaery or Cersei used with Robert, isn't in the cards for her. She swallows the thought whole as swiftly as stork might a frog when it leaps into her mind.

Swallows it again and again with increasing frequency. Even when last week he stepped up to her as she wished him luck, eyes warm like green candles, and briefly grasped her arm as if to hold her, as if to pull her in and if she was any more foolish she would have wondered if he thought of it too. But she's not that foolish and she isn't left reeling with waves lapping at her feet, uncatchable no matter how she may want to hold onto them.

She isn't.

***

It starts like this:

It feels fresh and tender, like first leaves unfurling, this shift between them, but with every kiss and smile, every morning spent watching the sun competing with her fingers in a quest to cover his skin with tender touches, her faith that it will endure and reach toward the sky becomes stronger.

It had started long before either of them thought it had, never ends and starts each day anew still, something new and something old bleeding together into a color that shifts and grows more vast with a thousand little things.

"Did you ever notice how we came up with all these ridiculous reasons to touch each other?" he asks her that morning as she's making breakfast and he's just set their cups of coffee on the table.

"What do you mean?" She is a little distracted by his fingers stroking up and down her bare arm, but she doubts she'd guess at his meaning even otherwise.

"The taps, the good luck wishes, the way I'd hand you coffee and brush fingers against yours, shoulder bumps in the hallway, the way we high five with only each other… All of these, just so we could touch for one moment."

"I wished you luck earnestly and with no ulterior motive," she defends, but it sounds a little thin even, or especially, to her ears. "Well, I waited for it every time with that intent, so."

She'd argue about the taps, but he's already confessed to calling her stork because he couldn't stop thinking about her legs to point they might as well be permanently painted red in his vision and that Stormlanders consider the birds sacred still, a blessing to any household.

"You are not a Stormlander," she had laughed, oddly pleased he knew this of her home region. 

"Never let it be said I don't appreciate learning some truths," Jaime had told her, between pressing soft kisses to her knuckles and then her mouth.

There had been so much tenderness and reverence in the gesture, and just a touch of teasing in his eyes, like she truly was both his blessing and his lucky charm. (If there is any man that'd flirt with his luck as much as danger, then it's Jaime)

She isn't so foolish to think it is true, but she knows enough that he does believe it, with his whole heart. And that's enough for her.

"Where are you going with this?" Because Jaime loves talking just for sake of talking, has for years now that he knows he's allowed to, just to unravel his thoughts,but there's intent in his eyes and his fingers, ghosting up and down and around her arm and then her back, still.

"We should start new touching habits, just because we can." 

"Like what?" She can’t say she’s not curious and warmed by the thought all at once, these little things he wants to build their life with. Things she hadn’t thought she wanted, sometimes, but finish that sloppy, once-impossible blueprint of a dream life perfectly. 

"We could make room for it in our lunch breaks. Do you know how often I wanted to kiss you when we ate lunch together?" She doesn’t, but she can estimate, based on her own experiences and it’s a number she doesn’t quite want to confess to.

Luckily, that’s not Jaime’s goal. He stands up and steps behind her, wraps arms around her waist and rests his chin on her shoulder. A sense of content radiates from him, like he’s somehow a cat that has found his perfect sunbeam to nap in.

"We owe it to our past selves, you know. And future ones, too." 

Only Jaime would turn a suggestion to lazily make out at lunch as a daily routine into something poetic and be completely serious about it. The shift from relaxed contention to something more trickles in the little space left between their bodies. 

"And this is good, too. Just me getting touch you while you cook." He brushes her hair a little to the side and presses a little kiss to the back of her neck, making her shiver as if she’s been thrown from cold water straight into the sun - it’s still so much. She doesn’t think it’ll ever be truly less, even if it’s different.

"You're just saying so you don't have to prepare food," Brienne says instead, because it’s not the words that do the talking between them, half the time. 

"Oh no, not at all. I'm all for being touch appreciated, any time." His grin is audible and she feels it press against her shoulder where he’s mouthing kisses now, having slid the strap of her tank top down. 

"I think we should appreciate the breakfast now." Because gods know if they don’t, it’ll be a while before they return to thoughts of food. She extracts herself from his arms, much to his soft protesting, and begins plating the food.

"What about later?" He is smirking, eyebrow quirked, and his eyes are full of light. Fondness bubbles in her chest, because there was a time when she hadn’t known he was capable of being this plainly open and joyful. When he hadn’t known. She treasures evidence of the shift, like every beautiful sunrise.

"Maybe there are few habits I'd like to establish, too," she smiles and cups his cheek briefly before placing a kiss on his cheekbone. 

After all, there is time for it, time for them.