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#maybe the way i explained it is weird idk im not good at explaining
starrysharks · 9 months
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i wonder if white people specifically white progressives realise that black people are only ever seen as their skin color first and foremost
#this goes for all poc but im talking about black people here#black people are constantly connected to their skin color and tone in good ways and in not good ways#people will always see you as your race first because white is considered the default#like if someone wanted to insult me the first thing they would go for is my race or gender presentation#whenever an actor is cast for a role people see the fact that they are black before anything else - talent. style. etc is ignored#black people are othered in society to put it bluntly . that is why white people get so upset when black people are cast as any role#or when they uuuuuh you know exist#and if the other becomes the majority - say a movie with mostly black people or a black-exclusive setting#then white people will get uncomfortable and complain#maybe the way i explained it is weird idk im not good at explaining#what im trying to say is that blackness is not something you can hide unless you are able to pass as white/are biracial etc.#and so the many stereotypes about black people are what people see first#what i'm trying to get at is that the way people percive black people completely changes our experiences esp if we're queer or women#a white and visibly queer person will have a different experience than a black and visibly queer person#and white progressives often forget that#sorry if this was explained weird im not a good explainer and also some bad shit happened today so my head is not really in the game#do people even say that god#whatever man
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arthur-r · 12 days
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what’s really embarrassing is my roommate on the phone with his mom saying “yeah i’ve been getting really sloppy i haven’t cleaned in a week it’s terrible” and my side of the room is just like that. all of the time. and i feel guilty but he also hasn’t ever said anything to my face he moved my stuff some at the beginning of the year but has never talked to me about it and i’m also so fucking ill that i just cant really handle adding that to my list while trying to also not fail school. so here i am being a terrible person i guess. did i tell you guys about turtle-person. have i showed my bracelets. i’m gonna go to sleep but in the morning i need to show my bracelets
#help i have work tomorrow. i also feel sick and strange. wish me luck#the sun was around today which was incredible but also i think it gave me too much mental energy#cause for the first time in forever i had the brightness of spirit to go for a walk. but that’s not the same as having the blood flow for it#so i think i overexerted myself cause of being finally happy and mentally energized i forgot about being physically disabled#i also had to explain POTS to somebody today and she was literally like ‘oh is that the thing where you need to have salt’ and NO like#i do have a really high salt intake to cope with POTS. but that’s not the fucking thing yknow?? like no that’s not what the thing i have is#it has nothing to do with salt. salt is a fun little coincidence that it can help with water retention which in turn helps with POTS#and it raises blood pressure is i think the other reason? but anyway idk i would honestly rather she just not know about it than have like#that very particular tiktok version of it like i am so glad for internet knowledge being spread and stuff and i mean. i guess even the posts#that i’m about to complain about are good for making people feel like they’re not alone. so maybe it’s fine. but i was going to complain of#the videos that are like ‘‘that one POTS friend’’ and it’s just like. salty food. instead of like. having to sit down?? BEING FATIGUED??#and like whatever. whatEVER but i wish it wasn’t getting conflated with one particular little way of treating it. even though i use that way#i don’t have needs-a-lot-of-salt-disease. like that’s not the point. that’s not the issue. it’s not a salt deficiency. salt just helps#and it doesn’t FIX it. it just helps. that’s all#ANYWAY EVERYTHING IS FINE. i feel sick though. but i’m gonna sleep and i’ll be fine#i miss before i had a job cause then i could sleep all day if i skipped class and it would be really nice. but now i have a job i would be#missing on my responsibilities for. and I don’t actually have accommodations. but im gonna sleep i’ll be fine#and library book cart is actually so rollator. like as far as being able to walk the library situation is such a win#anyway i’m gonna go to sleep now. but yeah idk i’m sick and a mess what else is new. but i have something whatever i’m good theres something#unrequited love for life or something like that. ok im gonna go to bed sorry for being weird and strange all the time!!!!#me. my post. mine.#delete later
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hella1975 · 8 months
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i love how i started taking the pill bc my periods were so bad physically and the pill just went 'no more cramps! mentally we're putting you in a blender tho'
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arsenicflame · 2 months
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Steddyhands for the ship ask game
thank u !!!!!
Send me a ship and I will grade it:
A: I love it
ha ive actually been having a really interesting conversation with my friend about this specific topic, in that, i dont really ship steddyhands? or thats how i feel about it anyway- i ship each couple individually at the same time, but i dont tend to imagine them doing things i consider couple things all together (i also recognise my stance on that is weird because ill still stick them in the same bed and maintain thats not couple activity) specifically the appeal of steddyhands to me is how each couple inside it plays off each other and provides fulfilment that the third person cannot!
Steddyhands, for me, is about not having to be everything for someone and that being ok :)
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caroloftheshells · 2 years
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long post re theory pedagogy again
the other thing about that vid (and another thing! lol) being that hierarchically a lot of the people doing the more interesting or out-there research and diversifying the field from a content perspective (and, tbh, demographically) are like grad students or early-career people who don’t even necessarily have any pedagogical flexibility & tend to be slotted in to teach lower-level theory courses-- whose outcomes are predetermined not only by general screwy nasm strictures but by whatever the professor down the line in the curriculum is teaching / expects people to know when they get there. and we get paid (much) less also than tenured professors. which is really a generic “thing about all academia” that doesn’t necessarily become a nefarious personal flaw on the part of said scholars and instead ought to be addressed at a structural level bc the scale of the issue exceeds individual instructors’ spheres of influence.
BUT music occupies such a fucked “totally separate from society” space in many ppl’s imaginations that it’s like oh man how dare it have the same issues as every other field of scholarship bc it shouldn’t “really” be a matter of scholarship in the first place. ie music is culturally rendered a “nothing matters just feel it” / “everything is ephemeral and there is only Innate Talent and nothing can be taught” sort of field such that any intellectualizing thereof &/or suggestion of learnabilty / non-innateness is deemed, like, boring & regressive by some people & i’d say especially people raised with a certain awareness of the “composer-genius” culture of wam education. like i’m completely on the “fuck partwriting parallel fifths are awesome” train as a matter of taste (for example) but that does not mean that learning what parallel fifths are-- and why some old european guys didn’t like them *bc they preferred it to sound like there was more than one voice and it’s easier to create that perceptually w/o an overtone effect* (eg)-- is going to like destroy your artistic Essence and make you a worse musician bc now you’re no longer an empty vessel put on this earth to channel brahms or whoever. & plus i think perpetuating the synonymizing of theory-as-field with wam harmonic rules not only is like factually misrepresentative of current research but also is sort of a self fulfilling prophesy such that ppl who would otherwise have completely fascinating things to say & questions to ask are discouraged from non-platitudinous & open-ended (theoretical) inquiry re the content and aims of their own rep & listening, and tacitly learn that composers’ ~~genius~~ descended from the heavens & you either get it or you don’t, you either “have talent” as a composer or you don’t, et cetera
#Which I Maintain is dangerous not bc i think there is a set method of learning all music(s) obviously but bc that's how you get like#weird essentialism & i'm thinking especially abt anecdotes i've heard re: vocal pedagogy where ppl have been subjected to (...)#racial discrimination; gender discrimination; fatphobia / discrimination based on having or not having a certain 'look' to go w your voice#& told they are 'naturally' inclined to sing or study certain genres of music & shouldn't try anything else (not even ranges! whole genres)#which is maybe sort of tangential but i think stems from this same deal of 'you just have to Feel it' & such#the idea of music as ephemeral and quasi-spiritually channeled such that you lose something if you approach it w scrutiny#or if you have to break it down in a way that; in its detail & precision; reads as divorced from immediate aesthetic judgment#the idea that there's some magic there not to be explained; that composition thus is a special ineffable pursuit for special people. bleh#& the... in depth research and nuance and hesitancy to have a snappy take that like ime culturally describes many theorists. is good#& is; again ime; something valued by several music scholars who sought it out as a Way Out Of a certain brand of meritocratic bullshit#toward a different brand of weird pedantry of course but i think it has its place despite being hooked academically 2 a toxic music culture#in the sense that; for sure; there are egregious issues; but the repertoire bias is unilaterally present in wam circles#& it's like well. your problem is 'with' the textbooks but since when has a so called 'voice degree'#at your average som / public institution without enormous fucking tons of money#unlike idk berklee lol#actually regarded choral singing; musical theatre; art song; rock vocals; et cetera with the same seriousness as a wagnerian opera career#and made a variety of music available from a performance perspective as well. i mean my undergrad was vaguely ok here but On The Whole...#bigger fish re funding in notated-music industry and degrees as job prep for shrinking market etc#anyway though...... i value myself too much to be a youtuber lol#imagine me appending that 'just saying things recreationally' post to this post#carol overreacts to life#theorycomp tag
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iwantyoursexmp3 · 8 months
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instagram recommending me a reel for a peach frosé recipe what the fuck literally most felixcore cocktail of all time. literally just frozen peaches and rosé blended together. me when i said i'd be productive but now i'm falling down a peach flavoured cocktail rabbit hole
#this is good actually bc whenever i need to write cocktails (which is basically my alcoholic drink of choice in stories LOL theyre more fun)#i look up what was popular in the 80s and some of them have such weird names#like no im not writing about felix drinking a Fuzzy Navel even if it does have peach liqueur in it#or a Buttery Nipple#felix's favourite cocktails are sex on the beach and kamikaze btw. if you care.#googling cocktails is SOOOO fun i just think its a much more fun way for specificity and tastes if ur characters are drinking#anyway this is good because i can have more cocktail options besides fucking Buttery Nipple and Woo Woo#you didnt hear it from me but this will be useful for my Lover Boy Era Felix project#aka felix was a pov character in lover boy but then i cut that out but i still have all the plotlines and arcs#that i was gonna write but wouldnt work from beau's pov#so i gotta write something for lover boy felix. idk what yet. but its like the lover boy scraps if you will!#maybe i'll centre it around different peach flavoured cocktails because hes sooo silly and whimsical in the lb era#sorry alcohol in fiction is sooooo fun like#in real life im more of a drinks every few months and gets really silly with it when i do#but in fiction its just SOOOO much more fun idk how to explain it. writing alcohol and being drunk feels like doing it for the first time#obviously always promoting being responsible w drinking wrt to what i share but#i just love making my characters get silly#i love seeing how they behave when their brain is not working. intoxication is sooo fun as a means to challenge characterisation#felix and dorothy in the beginning of RR trying to figure out how to be Friends as adults and realising they can just get drunk together#like yeah dont do that in the long term probably but who cares you're 21 and it helps the plot get silly with your twin#dorothy's like i can excuse when my brother drinks himself into oblivion because it makes him fun and makes him want to break into the#bitchy neighbours apartment with me (real rr scene btw)#but i draw the line at him doing cocaine#me when i infodump in the tags to the point where its not even about the original post
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star-girl69 · 3 months
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She Calls Me Baby
Clarisse La Rue x Fem!Reader
—-
synopsis: college au, in which you slowly realize something is wrong with your girlfriend.
a/n: love this song. had to do it sorry. anyways this sucks actual BALLS but idc i just have to write something or else i will lose my empire and title as mother of clarisse tumblr ☹️
Jackie and Wilson - Hozier
warnings: NOT BETA READ, im sure this is so discombobulated but IDC!!!!!! anyways, swearing, mentions of death and the usual demigod stuff, mentions of monsters, idk pretty chill…, tell me if i missed anything!!
—-
Your favorite story Clarisse ever told you is the one about soulmates.
She told it to you in the dark, in her bed, hand on the side of your face as she whispered to you like you were secret lovers.
She told you that humans once had two heads and four arms, but Zeus thought they would grow to be too powerful and split them apart. Hearts split in two, detained to roam the earth, trying to find each other.
That’s how it feels with Clarisse- like you’ve known her for years, like your bodies were born of the same speck of dust, souls grew next to each other, fires inside of you burning in the same altar for a hundred years before you met.
Clarisse approached you fast- hard and unrelenting like a hurricane. She wanted whatever she could take from you, love, comfort, a one-night.
It scared her when you wanted to give.
It was kind of crazy how easily the two of you just fit together, crazy how you both liked some things, both hated things, hated something things she liked and nice versa. It was like there was this natural balance between you, everything sort of cosmically weighed out- and it just felt so right to be with her that everything else faded away.
But it was clear that Clarisse fell head over heels for you, the way she would smile and just tell you that you were so different, so much better than her. You were everything she wasn’t, and she resented you so much for it she loved you.
You weren’t exactly sure why Clarisse loved you so much- maybe it was the way you respect her past, maybe it was the way you didn’t push- you just accepted the crazy and tried your best to save her with what little information you did have. It surprised her and you when you became the one to get greedy, to take from her, but you knew she loved the feeling of being wanted.
But lately, Clarisse has been particularly… off. It’s not exam season, so you can’t chalk it up to that. And she’s the most talented player on the field hockey team, you’ve seen her play- she’s overconfident and for good reason. She has no reason to be stressed there, unless somethings changed.
But something tells you it’s not that.
The first real concrete clue you ever got was when you first met her.
The library is where you met Clarisse. The one closest to your dorm hall, the one that’s two floors and built like an out-of-place Greek temple- it always makes you smile when Clarisse gives it a dirty look, trying to persuade you to go to any other library. It doesn’t make sense to you- why go to the one all the way across campus when this one is only a five minute walk?
She always seems on edge when she meets you in here, but she bites it back and won’t tell you no matter how much you ask. She says it’s just a weird thing she has, hard to explain, so you let it go when she clearly doesn’t want to talk about it.
“Hi, sweetheart,” she smiles, pulling out the chair next to you. She glances around the library, not nervously, but observant. Ready, waiting. She’s always been able to do that- scan an entire room in seconds and find out everything.
“Hi,” you smile, stretching as you push your books away from you, grateful for the distraction her brown eyes and sweet voice provide.
She picks up a textbook you’ve pushed off to the side. She scoffs at the title, mumbling about how she still doesn’t know why you would choose the major you did.
“How was practice?” you ask, choosing to ignore her remarks in favor of soaking up her attention and the much needed distraction.
“Boring,” she hums, rubbing her foot up and down your leg, head in her hands. “Freshmen are pissin’ me off, they don’t know shit. Coach has to teach them all the basics over again.”
You lay your head on a thick textbook, staring up at her. “The freshmen are always shitty. Then you love them by the end of the year.”
“I don’t,” she huffs, but some of her favorite members of the team are the freshmen she hated her sophomore year. “Whatever. It’s different, they all suck. Shouldn’t be here.”
“Sure,” you say, yawning again.
“Okay, did you not sleep last night?” she chuckles.
You shrug sheepishly, Clarisse is always so adamant you sleep and eat enough, but sometimes you have to sacrifice the little things for your grades.
“I had a test this morning, stayed up a little later cramming.”
“Uh-huh, so, like, until 1 in the morning? Worse?”
You hold your breath, sitting up as you conveniently look away from her. “3,” you exhale.
She smiles and puts a piece of hair behind your ear.
“But,” you smile, sensing the lecture. “After these five questions, I can be all yours for the rest of the day.”
She pretends to weigh her options.
“Well, I do like the sound of that.”
—-
The second clue is the way she always seems like she’s running away from something.
Your rooms are blessedly only a few doors down from each other, so someone is always sneaking into someone else’s and your roommates have both learned to deal with it.
Silena, Clarisse’s roommate, only greets you with a smile as you sheepishly slip past her in the mornings- Clarisse’s shirt haphazardly slipped over you.
So, on this day, you’re slumped in bed while Clarisse promises to take care of you, and you’re all too happy to let her.
She’s already spent the last hour lying with you in bed, letting you sleep on top of her- forcing you to catch up on some much needed hours of rest with her soft voice in your ear and hand trailing up your back.
She only got up when you mentioned you were hungry, immediately suggesting the idea of ordering from your favorite restaurant, refusing to be swayed by you back into your warm bed.
So, here you were, scrolling on your phone while you waited for the click of the door and the smell of hot food. And it comes, you prepare to make some quip about how dare she leaves you for almost a half hour.
Her keys jangle in her hands as she quickly shuts the door, turning around and pressing her back against it. She breathes out, heavily, before her eyes meet yours and she studies the shocked and confused look on your face.
“Ran up the stairs,” she smiles, leaving her keys and wallet on top of your dresser, dropping the bag of food on your bed before she goes to the window, peeking out of it. “Didn’t want my princess waiting for too long,” she chuckles.
You don’t even look at the bag of food in front of you. You reach out and grab her hand, and she flinches, but pulls away from the window and into your touch.
“Clarisse,” you breathe, and panic flashes in her eyes as she quickly rips open the bag.
“C’mon, don’t let it get cold.”
“Clar… baby,”
“Wanna watch a movie? Or play a game? Anything you want, sweetheart, jus’ say the word.”
—-
The third clue is the fact that you’re 99% sure she’s seeing things.
It sounds horrible to say, and sometimes late at night when she’s asleep against you, you wonder what the hell you’re supposed to do. You’ve only met her mom a few times, never met her father- Silena and her have been friends for years, but you still feel like it all falls to you.
It doesn’t, legally, maybe not even morally- but she’s your girlfriend. You should know what she wants, you should be able to advocate for her when she can’t.
So, the best thing you can think to do it ignore it. You pretend it doesn’t concern you, you pretend you don’t see it, you pretend because you can’t even think about the idea of her not being her, of her being away from you.
You focus on the moment.
You love these walks with Clarisse, her hand warm in yours. It was moments like these where you felt like Clarisse was your sun. Yes, the setting sun was warm against your back, but nothing made you feel alive like Clarisse did. Your hands swing together, hitting your hip, and she seamlessly switches from your hand to wrapping at arm around your waist.
You smile at her, cheeks hot. You go to adjust your bag as a means of distracting yourself, but your hand awkwardly ends up floating in the air when you realize Clarisse took your bag when she picked you up from your last class.
As if sensing the awkwardness, she hikes the tote bag farther up her shoulder.
“What’re your plans today, pretty girl?”
You hum, feeling so at ease with the way she calls you that pet name, with the way she squeezes you closer to her.
“Well, I finished my big project yesterday, don’t really have anything else to do, so I was just gonna chill. What ‘bout you?”
“Ugh,” she groans. “I have practice until 8. But I’ll come over after? And spend the night?”
You smile, laughing softly.
“I don’t know why you even ask anymore.”
“It’s polite,” she smiles. “I’m a very polite person, only when it comes to you.”
“I’ll see you at 8:15, huh?”
“Obviously,” she huffs, kissing your temple. Again, you feel like cheeks heat like this is the first day you met her. It’s embarrassing to be affected by her so much, but it’s also so sweet. Only she can draw out these reactions from you, this potent all these months later. It still feels like the first day with her sometimes, but you also feel like you’ve known her for years.
She bites her lip and hisses a curse word under her breath.
“What?” you ask, snapped out of the way she holds you so perfectly, following her eye line. She stares firmly in between two cars, but there’s nothing there.
“Nothing,” she says, not taking her eyes away from that spot- not even blinking, you realize after a second. She hides the way she gets, that unrelenting focus like when she’s playing in a game, with a laugh.
“Thought I saw that bitch from my 11am.” You look at her. You don’t believe her. She knows you don’t. And it breaks your heart that something is clearly happening, and you can’t force yourself to feel bad for ignoring it, and you can’t force her to tell you. “C’mon, let’s go.”
She moves to hold your hand and drags you off forcefully toward the direction of the entrance. She squints, almost like she’s driving off something with her mind.
“Clarisse,” you mumble, squeezing her hand, feeling unsettled just by the way she’s so clearly ready for a fight. It’s like she can see something you can’t.
She risks a small glance at you, a normal looking smile.
“It’s all good, baby. I’ve got you,” she smiles, reaching back like she’s stretching, but something where there’s nothing glints in the sunlight.
—-
The fourth clue is the fight with Silena.
She asked you to meet her at her dorm, wear something nice and pretty, and you’ll go out for a nice dinner and some ice cream. She’s been so busy with practice lately, it makes your entire body squeeze the way she jumps to spend time with you at the first off day she gets.
You smooth down your pretty top, the one you know you look good in, the one you know she likes. You’re about to knock on the door when you realize it’s been left open, just a crack. That’s when their voices rise, enough so you can hear them.
“It different now, Clar!”
“It’s. Not. It’s not different, it will never be different, nothing will ever change.”
“Before, Clarisse, when you told me you had this crush on the girl in your econ class, I didn’t think anything of it. I didn’t care. But, Gods, Clarisse, anyone can see it’s different. She’s not just some girl, she’s your girl, your girlfriend, and you’re totally in love with her.”
“I know that,” she huffs. “I’m the one who’s actually in love with her. I love her, and I know her. I know what’s best for her.”
“And she’s in love with you too, Clarisse.”
She laughs. “I would hope so.”
“It’s different, Clarisse. It’s been different for a while, and I didn’t say anything because I thought you would notice. But you haven’t.”
“Fuck, Silena, please. Please, just stop. I’m not puttin’ her through that. I’m not putting myself through that again. I’m not that girl anymore. I am not my father’s daughter.”
“It never goes away, Clar.”
Silena’s voice is quiet, hesitant. Clarisse has confessed to you her struggles with her emotions all her life, particularly anger. Half the reason her mother sent her to that camp she always talks about was because she had such bad anger issues. But she worked through them, and you know she’s different now, she has healthy outlets and ways to cope.
But still, Silena seems scared.
“Shut the fuck up.”
You hear her walking towards you and quickly step back, smoothing your face out into a blank slate, tempted to hit yourself in the head to forget what you just heard.
The door swings open, and she smiles immediately when she sees you.
“Y/N,” she says, sticking her keys into her pocket. You force yourself to do your best smile. “Oh, baby, you look so pretty.”
“Thank you,” you smile, letting her wrap her arms around you, letting her press a soft kiss against your lips.
—-
Clarisse made you laugh all night, made you smile, made you wonder how you ever got this far in life without her. She paid for your dinner and ushered you out of the restaurant, chuckling about how you drove her crazy and she just wanted you now-
Until she walked you to your car, opened the passenger door for you- suddenly shoving you inside and pushing the door softly closed, as much as she could get it with your foot still hanging out.
“Clarisse!” you shout, but she’s already appeared in the driver’s seat next to you, ushering you inside, reaching over and shutting the car door. She locks them with a satisfying click, finally letting her shoulder’s sink down. “What the fuck?” you huff.
“Sorry,” she smiles, hands squeezing the steering wheel. “It was the weirdest thing, a squirrel ran right over my foot, I got so freaked out…” she smiles, forces a laugh, but you only look at her unimpressed.
“Clarisse,” you sigh, letting your hands fall to your sides in defeat. “What’s going on? Please?”
She opens her mouth, then closes it.
“Just let me drive home,” she had said, and now you’re home, leading her into your dorm and she presses her back against the door.
You put your hands on her shoulders and she puts hers on your hips, she can’t look at you and you do your best to meet her eyes.
“Clarisse,” you say, a silent beg that all your suspicions are wrong, and everything and fine and she still loves you, she’s still your girlfriend.
“I’m not ready to tell you,” she rushes out. Her fingertips dig into your skin. “I’m not ready, okay? I’m sorry, but I’m not.”
“T-that’s okay,” you say after a moment. “It’s okay. I just… you can tell me, when you’re ready. I’m just scared, I don’t know why this is happening, you’re being so different-”
She hugs you and puts her face into your neck.
“Please, Y/N,” she breathes, shaky breath tickling your neck. “I love you so much. I love you more than anything, just let that be enough, please.”
You hugs you quick and hard, and you’re so shocked by it that you almost take a step back. But you can’t, really, not with her arms so tight, so right around you. And once you realize it’s just your Clarisse, you coo softly and put your hand in her hair, the other around her shoulders.
“Of course it’s enough, baby. Of course, I just want you to know that I’m here… I’m here…”
You run your hand through her hair and she exhales.
“I know, I know it’s not perfect, but you’re all I have. You’re all I have, Y/N, just be here with me, please.”
“I will,” you breathe. “I will.”
Your mind is swirling with more questions than answers, but Clarisse asks you to call her baby again and leads you to your bed. And you do, you call her baby and tell her you love her.
And the realization comes slowly, but once it comes it feels so right.
You don’t know what’s going on with Clarisse. All you have are incoherent clues strung together, but you realize you don’t care. You love Clarisse more than you’re scared of a little crazy.
And you tell her that as she lays on top of you, and she simply takes her face out of your neck, the faintest hint of tears welling in her eyes.
“I love you crazy, baby,” you murmur.
She smiles, and you feel like you’re being sucked into the eye of a hurricane.
She lets out a soft breath, like she was scared, so scared- and you’re not sure she’s ever been scared before. But she’s scared of losing you. She’s scared of losing you, and that makes you giddy like a schoolgirl. That makes you love her even more.
“I’m a lot of crazy,” she says, and you can’t tell if she’s joking, but you laugh. You laugh like a hyena, because you love her more than you love yourself.
You want to be the harbor she comes back to each night, you want to be the pillow where she rests her head. You want to be a vault for her secrets and her love. You want to be everything for her and you want to be everything to her.
You don’t believe in Greek myths, but maybe that one about soulmates was right.
—-
taglist:
@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008 @liballer @heyimadison @nvirskies @pnsteblnme @mar2ss @restellsss @ravisinghs-wife @marsconer @evangelinexo @randomhoex @luvrrish @rebecca37 @saltair-and-palemoonlight @ace-spades-1
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PART TWO
Its 2am have more scar headcannons/imagines
Characters: Razor(platonic), Kaeya, Xiao, Tighnari
Sorry these are probs subpar cuz my writing style varies depending on the bpd mood lmao. Bear with the redundancy of these, there are only so many ways to write the same action.
If youre the anon who sent me an ask im replying to your ask with the inverse you talked about. Stay tuned <3 (its probably gonna take another 6 months but welp)
Not spell checked or proof read sorry lol
Razor (platonic)
Wolf boy has a lot of scars as we can all tell. I feel like he probably doesnt get the point of lotion. Probably says it smells bad, like chemicals. His scars are all really improperly healed. Probably has keloid scars (overproduction of scar tissue). The sheer size of the ones on his arms lead me to believe he never got stitches or bandages of any sort, which makes sense considering his story. Regardless, that shit looks painful lmao. (Lighthearted imagine to start us off)
“Razor!” You yell, damn that kid was way faster than you. You nearly trip over a log as you run after him.
“Razor, stop running dammit.” You continue to shout after him, hoping anything you say might just make him slow down. Lord knows you could never catch up to him.
“It's just lotion. It'll make you feel better!” Your lungs start to sting from the chase and your legs drag behind you. You stop to catch your breath and Razor slows down in front of you.
He approaches you slowly like he's afraid you’ll catch him if he gets too close. “Smells bad,” he says and you all but roll your eyes.
“Sometimes things that are good for us smell bad.” You explain. Razor waits for your breathing to even out before he gets within arms reach of you.
“Like soap?” He says and you laugh at the memory of trying to get him to wash himself with soap instead of the occasional dip in the river.
“Yes, like soap.” You sigh and he frowns. Tentatively he holds out his arm, he looks at you expectantly.
“Finally.” You say under your breath and open the bottle of lotion. You can practically feel Razor's eyes watch your hands cautiously. He doesn't move as you spread some against the skin of his arm.
“Cold.” He comments and you huff a little laugh.
“See.” You say when you finish. “Feels better right?”
Razor finally relaxes and smiles at you. “Yes.”
You're just glad he stopped running.
Kaeya
Not gonna go the obvious way and say his eyepatch because I'm different lmao. I think his knuckles are scarred. I think kaeya seems like the type to cope with his feelings through violence. I think kaeya probably hates himself. When everything gets to be too much he just starts coming out swinging. The kind of person who punches a wall without really thinking about it. But yeah I think he used his fists too much when he was younger and now he wears the fingerless gloves to protect/cover the scars. (Sorry if this is weird or seems ooc, it just makes sense to me idk why)
You first see them when he gets the new outfit in sumeru. Everyone around you seems to disregard them, or maybe just not notice. But you can sense the way he subtly hides the scars, the way he walks with a hand behind his back, one covering the other. Its easy to not notice if you arent always watching closely. Maybe the only reason you noticed was because you seemed to always be staring at him. Kaeya catches you looking more than once and in typical kaeya fashion he deflects with flirting or jokes.
Later, when youve returned home to mondstat you ask him about it and he explains after some persistence.
“Its nothing to be shameful of.” You murmur, a hand holding his, looking at the dry scar tissue.
“Its one thing to have scars from braving a battle, a complete other thing to have them from your own stupidity.” He looks away from you and the eye you can see seems far away. Like he’s recalling something from his past.
“But it wasnt stupid, it was a way to cope. How can anyone think of something like that as not brave?” He doesnt answer you, only frowns slightly, a face youve never seen him make. “Do you atleast take care of them?”
He still doesnt respond. You sigh, exasperated, and pull out your endless bag of goods to find a lotion to help with the dryness.
“What are you doing?” He asks, and you all but cringe at the thought of him not knowing you have to moisturize scars.
“I’m helping you.” You half expect him to make a witty comment but the situation proves to be too heavy and he goes back to staying silent. The whole act goes without words, you spread the lotion over his knuckles, rub it in gently. He doesnt say anything until you slide his gloves back on.
“Thank you.” He says and before you can say anything back he adds, “For your actions and your words.”
You press a kiss to one of his gloved hands. “Your welcome.” You thnk you see his cheeks tint the slightest shade of red before hes back to normal again.
“And here I thought I was the romantic.”
Xiao
I always liked the images of the karmic binds/shackles so I like to imagine his wrists are scarred from straining(?) those too much. I mean considering Xiao is an Adeptus physical wounds wouldn't leave a scar so maybe these more mental-type wounds would. Like the more karmic debt he has the worse the scars get in condition, the less debt the more they fade. Maybe the lotion helps soothe the debt more than anything. Maybe the act of something so comforting and intimate with you lessens the pain. Food for thought I guess.
Every morning, at dawn, Xiao enters a room in Wangshu Inn so his lover can put lotion on his scars. This morning is no different.
“Good morning, Xiao.” You say like always, same pretty smile on your face every day.
“Morning,” Xiao mumbles and frowns as if this isn't his favorite part of the day. He avoids your eyes as he takes off his gloves. As many times as youve seen his wrists, he still gets insecure about them. It's no secret Xiao hates being vulnerable, even around his most trusted companion.
“I saw zhongli yesterday.” You say quietly as he sits down on the bed next to you, lotion in hand. “He was with that harbinger.”
“Tch. Useless scum.” Xiao comments and you laugh.
“He seemed happy, Xiao. Try to be tolerant of his friend.” Xiao just rolls his eyes and rests his arm in your hand. You continue to talk about your day as you open the bottle of lotion and start to spread it out against his wrist.
Xiao stays quiet during this, as he always does. You think he must enjoy your voice because he's always been intent on listening to you speak even if he usually prefers silence. He absorbs your words so soaked in affection and the ache in his body seems to lessen. Pain becomes distant, horrible and intense feelings become easier to push away.
It's over before he realizes it, you've put the lotion away simply holding his hand now, savoring the feeling of his skin against yours. He leans against you and you hum in content.
Maybe this is healing for the both of you. Mutual comfort.
Tighnari
I know a lot of people like the idea of him having scars from getting struck by lightning so i'm just gonna play off of that. Lighting very rarely leaves scars but the scars it does leave are burns. The electricity also causes nerve damage so you'd have to be very gentle and careful when handling tighnari’s scars. They're probably on his neck/back so itd take a lot of trust for him to let you see him so vulnerable. He probably already has lotion he puts on himself but its very hard to reach your own back so eventually he asks you for help.
You've seen him put lotion on his scars many times, watched him wince at the pain of it. You refrain from asking him if he wants your help. Tighnari is independent, he doesn't need anyone's help. But maybe itd be less painful if he didn't have to strain his muscles to reach the scars.
He doesn't say much when he asks the first time. Just tells you to be careful. He starts to list the ingredients of the lotion he's made. How he found it, what the weather was like that day.
No matter how gentle you were he’d still pause in the middle of sentences, and with his back to you, you never saw his winces but you knew they were there.
“Okay,” you say when you've finished and you know he's relieved it's over even if it was a more pleasant experience than him doing it himself.
But he thanks you anyway, and he’ll ask you to do it again the next day.
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ccuniculusmolestus · 5 months
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Bunny Corcoran: Mother, Women and Sexuality (Masterpost)
Apologies for the shitty quality screenshot, idk why their quality got butchered.
Anyway I divided this thing into IV parts.
Intro
Camilla
Marion
Henry
INTRO & DISC.
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Not to be a bunny apologist literally, he's sexist piece of shit, but you know whats funny? The way this fandom absolutely REFUSES to acknowledge the fact that, despite Richard's shady ass describing Bunny as "homophobic but not in a repressed way", Bunny could very well be gay or bi at the very least. The fandom just doesn't want to see it because he doesn't form "convenient" enough ships with major characters (he does. You guys are just cowards.)
Yes I know, sexist hetero men despise women just for being women, but they view women purely through a sexual lens. But Bunny's prude ass was NOT a pervert. I mean, this is the guy that got triggered when Richard asked him about his hickey.
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Yes yes sexually repressed people can act prude-ish in front of people but be total pervs when alone, but nothing at all hinted at Bunny being a pervert who viewed women as walking meat bags. I just find it weird that the only two female companions he had (Marion and Camilla, aside from Judy bcs we never see them interact) he just...didn't like them. Camilla he was good to, occasionally, in a very platonic way ("paternalistic stance").
CAMILLA
And you know what drives me crazy? In this group of 5 boys and 1 girl, Bunny was the ONLY one who was never inappropriate (sexually) or sexual with Camilla. Even the openly gay guy in the group had kissed her at least once. Even her own brother-- not finishing that. Henry slept with her too. Richard kissed her, and wanted to sleep with her. Not Bunny. Yes, Bun was cruel to her in other ways, ordering her around, saying she was intellectually inferior, but he showed ZERO romantic interest in her. Which is kind of ironic to me. The only homophobe in that group was the only one not acting straight.
MARION
With Marion, my god, the way this boy behaved.
He called her his "reason of being", the purpose of his existence, but he could barely tolerate her. She was only a clip holding him together from those parts where he was falling apart; wounds left from a neglectful mother. Lets not mention how Marion is sort of an underdeveloped image of his mother; delicate, blonde, somewhat haughty.
That bitterness he probably feels towards Kathy was then pointed to Marion. Its so freaking clear that Marion is filling the "Mother" role in Bunny's life. She's "feminine" (a trait often associated with motherhood and vice versa), she's "bossy and businesslike". I don't need to explain this, I'm sure.
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But watch Bunny's reactions to her; hes submissive for the most part.
For a man who's so incredibly sexist, it doesn't make sense for him to choose such a woman as his partner, does it? Now, either Richard entirely fabricated or exaggerated Bunny's sexism in order to justify his murder, or
His "dislike" for women didn't stem from the weird sexual obsessions misogynists tend to have, but from something else. It could be, purely, his mommy issues, or something else.
You know that whole, Bunny calling Marion that title, but treating her like a chore just reflects what a big performance his relationship truly was. He didn't love Marion, perhaps he liked her, appreciated or cared for her, but he didn't love her. Marion was, like every other thing in his life, just an element to uphold an image of himself. Potential beard? Maybe.
HENRY
Bunny's true "raison d'etre" might have not existed. The only person he could be said to gave been obsessed with was, truly, Henry. And im not just saying this for the sake of it. Bunny was invested in and attached to Henry, perhaps a result of his financial dependence on him.
I don't know guys, I just don't think its normal to snoop around your best friend's things often, or make multiple attempts to read their journal--
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this boy was DESPERATE to know the inner workings of Henry's mind. Mind you, this is BEFORE Bunny found out about the murder, or had reason to suspect Henry for anything. Henry's said he was always nosing around for it, and he mentioned Bunny was an "obtrusive" roommate -- meaning this was normal occurrence for him around Henry. Yes, he was also kind of like this with others (Stealing stranger's foods, stealing Charles' cooking literally as he works in the kitchen) but neither of these required a sense of interest in the person he was stealing from. It was to serve his own needs.
Bunny also shows a reluctance to lose Henry.
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After their fight, he's so overwhelmed that he doesn't know how to react (mentioned by Henry himself), and his first instinct is to try and cling onto whatever shred of normalcy there was left between them. Despite knowing the numerous cruel things Henry had written about him, Bunny just took it. He stayed somewhat amiable to Henry later. Yes, yes. He got annoying about "the blackmail" (or his inability to keep his mouth shut) but Henry and Francis BOTH tell Richard that Bunny doesn't see what he's doing as "blackmail".
In fact, i think Bunny the fool was trying to get "in" on the feeling of being in on a secret. Image below is regarding that German that started following them in Rome.
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But his immediate reaction of pretending everything's fine isn't the first or last time he tries to keep things cool with Henry.
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Henry, despite having to deal with Bunny's worst tantrums, was still treated with a degree of respect that seemed to be reserved only for him. Was he afraid of Henry? Hell no.
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Bunny was never afraid of insulting Henry, or fighting with him. But he rarely ever got personal with him. Yes yes he complained about the money and every little thing, but the way he went after the rest of the class? Targeting their weaknesses? He would've known Henry's weakness, he was perceptive enough. But he didn't. He still treated Henry with respect. Deference. Described as "polite submission and respect".
With Henry, Bunny was totally emotionally vulnerable. Henry reactedd explosively twice during their arguments. The first is when he slapped Bunny so hard that he "left a big white mark on his cheek", and the second where he broke that chair when Bunny was fighting him in his room. Despite losing control, Henry maintained a level of composure. Bunny never did. He became hysterical each time, screaming and becoming violent the first time, but sobbing himself to sleep (IN HENRYS BED) the second time.
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He slept in his bed. There was literally no reason for him to do that.
Except maybe he craved closure. Maybe he just missed his best friend. Maybe he was too shaken up to move from his spot.
And I don't want none of you fools being all "Henry didn't gaf about Bunny."
This is Henry's reaction to Richard essentially saying "You thought Bunny wouldn't be a problem??" And then reiterating that they're old friends.
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Do you even understand the implications of that last line? Bunny, whose entire being was hidden under a carefully crafted persona, admitted his family's SHORTCOMINGS with HENRY. Bunny, whose image was everything for him. Perhaps his image WAS his raison d'etre. Bunny, who lived life as an illusion of his true self, projecting away his insecurities. Bunny, who would never admit that he was poor, that his family was flawed in any way, told Henry this. How many more things do you think he confessed, or what other parts of his past and home did he reveal?
Yes, he could have just been telling Henry those things to mooch him off, but he also mooched off his other friends.they didn't know a thing. Marion, who I believe his family hadn't met yet (?) Probably didn't even know. Amd if youre from a dysfunctional home, you already know the only people you've told about your home are special, hand-picked.
Henry was also the first and only person Bunny told about Camilla/Charles.
Perhaps it hurt him, being left out of such a major events of Henry's life because Bunny was sharing practically everything with him.
Alls I'm saying is, Henry meant more to Bunny than most people realize (and dare I say, vice versa), and the only reason people don't see it is because RICHARD didn't see it (fool saw the potential of the dynamic but then was like "nah bunny's too ugly for that").
Bunny was most definitely either a repressed bisexual/gay man, and you cannot change my mind. And while his hatred of women is vile and inexcusable, it stemmed from a place of deep personal issues and insecurities.
Anyway. I'm done rambling LOL.
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themthrfkinprincess · 5 months
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Astro observation . . . TWO!!
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Whenever I see someone has a prominent Scorpio or Capricorn placement I always notice and see how sweet and overlay considerate they are. These people I’ve noticed are very helpful and there for people, sometimes they don’t think about themselves that much and contain themselves too much. They also are like nonchalantly funny? It’s not hard for them to make me laugh I’ve noticed.
But yeah strong Capricorn and Scorpio placements remind me of the giving tree idkkk
Like also Capricorn’s and Cancers be goofy as shit im crine😭
WHEW. This is from my experience but when I have seen a fair amount of Virgo or Cancer influences in somebody chart THEY ALWAYS GET ON MY NERVES LIKE GIRL DON'T DO ME LEAVE ME ALONE😭 I swear I have always had little moments with them- they can be quite annoying but guess what. I often spend so much time with them and we are right back on track maybe two seconds later it’s so funny. We switch up so much it funny. And this is funny because well I am a cancer myself and well there are more than three cancers in my family who I adore. You guys are really aggravating though.
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And like also Geminis freaky foreal like YALL LIKE BOOTY FOREAL😭
also its a double whammy if you have eros or venus in gemin lol. I have both 😈👅
so come here . . . .
GIVE ME THAT BOOTY😈
lol😭
AND YOOOO Like geminis and Leo’s can be so embarrassing at times? They’re very suspect to be very lollygagging individuals and I can say this because I have a Leo stellium. Sometimes I look back and be like girl no. It sad. ☹️ like girl you 36 how long you gon be doing this😕.
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They remind me of this liam dancing gif. Its not that they are embarrassing over big things- its just small stuff they can do and say which makes you go wtf???😭 Sometimes i feel they try to impress you over small weird things that no one really gives a fuck about like okay right . . . right . . .
Leo, Cancer, Gemini, and Virgo can be really corny at times- it reminds of that gif of drake doing the dougie. They can be corny in a cute way though😭but leos can get genuinely embarrassing as a mentioned beforehand
Also Geminis talk too much 🦧.
They will run their mouth and run it- i have no problem with it though I like to talk a lot lol. They are ( of course!) good listeners too! I had a friend she was so chill- I could talk to her about anything’s like- if i wanted to speak gibberish she would speak gibberish back to me. She was so random too. They are kind of silly whimsical beings at times I will not lie. Like it would not be wild to catch them froliciing in the fields randomly- its kind of expected of them in my own opinion. In my eyes they really be in their own world at times. 💀
AYE.
And yo!? Tell me why Aries are so cute what the hell!?!?
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LIKE THEY ARE SO CUTE!!
CYUTSIE PATOOTSIES!!!! I imagine them trying to rob me at a gas station I own or something. Like I don’t know imagine them pointing a gun at you and trying to rob you LMFAO. I WILL BURST OUT LAUGHING. They might shoot you tho idk😞 they really be standing on business and they intimidate me a lot once they start talking- and they could be totally be happy/polite while they are talking. It’s just their aura feels forceful? Lively? Out there? I don’t know how to explain it but yeah. Also they are so sweet too!!! These people are cheerleaders- people say that Leo’s are cheerleaders but the biggest cheerleaders I see are more often Aries. My cousin is one and she is very VERY sweet. She listens to you deeply and she really pushes you. Sometimes it’s annoying at times cause like GIRL LEAVE ME ALONE I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT 😭 I love aries though 💖😭 You guys are so cute. AND WHY THEY ALWAYS LOOK LIKE CARTOON CHARACTERS 😭
LIKE WHY HE LOOK LIKE RODDY😭
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And of course we know Pedro looks like chicken little
Also Aries women are GORG!! No seriously! Look at Halle!!! Miss Mamas is GORG!! She is STUNNING! It’s like 💥WAPOW!!!💥 getting struck and hit by her beauty😍💖
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Also David tennant so cute he's sort of like kind of my man😍😍 if you have a crush on him your so real I totally get it fren 😋💗🤭😁
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Like dude come on he's so freaking cute. His eyes are so intense it makes him look like a crackhead sometimes but it doesn't even matter HE'S SO CUTE. And his Scottish accent is so 🫦🫦🫦 I don't know what he be saying sometimes though in his TV shows like huh🗿
Cancer Mars are literally the Scarlet Witch idk dude. . . . like people can go completely BONKERS. These hoes kind of crazy. If you been wronging one for quite a while you better sleep with one eye open when you sleeping👀
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Like these people are kind of punks☹️. They retreat often when something is wrong- too much actually. They really do not want to fight or have any problems foreal. They can be very indirect at times when bothered it can get annoying. But when enough is enough its over💀 its like one fart and your dead💀
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Like that Aries and Cancer energy is not mixing well and shit can get REAL unstable there like don't do them patna!!
Uhm i totally had a million more things to say and I really did not get to re-read this. So there may be many typos- and also im kind of lazy and wish i decorated this post better. But that's besides the point- I hope you liked this post or whatever!!! I was totally honestly rambing to myself, if you found these accurate to you then great!
Peace out!!!💖💗
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tiredgoodomensfan · 19 days
Text
Fuck it we ball fanfic time. Gn reader x lars pinfield WOO
Okay WOO lmk if this is shit or ooc or anything, but im pretty happy with how this went :D its a little rushed, might redo it in the future idk. Also i made Y/N bit too much like me (northern) so watch out for that american readers SORRYYY. anwyays enjoy!
I am smart.
No don't laugh, I am, genuinely I am.
Maybe not in the way that others deem important, maybe not in the traditional sense, but I am bright.
Pinfield doesn't think so, the prick.
Every day I come into work, all smiling and welcoming, and what do I get in return? A roll of the eyes if I'm lucky.
Dickhead.
But I don't let him get to me, I love my job. My boss is chill, I love hanging out with Lucky, and the Spenglers seem nice! It's a good gig, really.
I'm the "PR guy" for Ghost Corps. Every time they fuck up and destroy a building or whatever I'm the one who covers it up. I'm a real smooth talker, 'gift of the gab' my mum used to call it.
The team needs me, I know that, they know that. Im crucial to the whole operation, the sole reason why that whiny mayor dude hasnt shut them down.
I'm the one who goes to press interviews, who goes on the radio or on TV. I'm the social media manager, I make videos, and post tweets, fuck I've even started a Ghostbusters youtube account! I deserve a raise honestly. #justiceforY/NthePRguy
I get on with everyone at work except for Pinfield, and I genuinely dont know why.
I've tried getting him to feature in videos, or explain the science of stuff to me so I can actually seem like I know what I'm talking about- but he just brushes me off.
Gary tries to reassure me about this on a daily basis. "Its nothing to do with you Y/N" he smiled one day, putting a hand on my shoulder and guiding me away from the busy scientist. "He doesnt really talk to anyone, he gets really passionate about his work"
"I get that, but there's no need for him to be a dick to me, he's got me thinking all kinds of shit honestly!" I replied, exhasperated "I've never done nowt to him"
Suddenly, Pinfield raised his head from his work, scrunching his eyebrows together. "thats a double negative" he commented, looking at me as if I was stupid. Great, It's the most he's ever spoken to me and its a fucking insult- atleast I think it is.
"you what?" I ask, making my way over to him despite Garys protests. I fold my arms, looking as menacing as i can (which ive been told isn't very menacing at all)
"I said its a double negative, if you've never done nothing then you must've done something" before I can reply, he adds onto the end "which you haven't, by the way. I dont know why you think that. I treat you the same as anyone else"
I can't explain why his answer bothers me so much, but it does. Why does he view me in the same way he views the others? That's hardly fair. I'm always welcoming to him, I make time out of my day to include him in things. I hate to admit it, but I genuinely admire him aswell. His love for all things paranormal, the way he gets so excited and proud when he gets to explain the science of ghost-catching to someone. It's oddly endearing.
I tell him as much (excpet for the stuff about him being endearing, he doenst need his ego inflated any more than it already is)
He looks confused, I've never seen him look like that- its weird. Arrogant? sure. Annoyed? when is he not bffr. Happy? Once or twice. But confused? Weird. This is the guy with all the answers, the smart one.
He thinks for a moment, before seemingly making a desision. He stands up with a small huff of exhasperation, and walks off.
As he goes past me, he grabs my arm, more gently than I thought he was capable of. Okay, i guess im coming too. Fun, roadtrip time.
He takes me out of the lab and down the corridor, into a relatively well lit small room.
"Well this is-" before i can speak properly, he cuts me off. Told you he was a prick.
"I dont understand you Y/N" he blurts out, looking at me, as if I'm some sort of specimin hes studying in the lab.
"Well good." I joke. I dont like the serious tone he's taking. Dont like how aware I am of his gaze. HATE the fact I can feel my cheeks burning. Gross. Pinfield is a dick, we've established this. Why the fuck am I BLUSHING because he's LOOKING at me? Bit embarassing, pull it together Y/LN.
He doenst like this though. He shakes his head, pacing around.
"No Y/N you dont get it. I understand everyone, sort of anyways. I've observed them, I can predict their reactions to things. I know what they're all like- but you're... I just dont understand! You're so happy and nice all the time, but you also get angry at stupid stuff, but never really properly angry? I cant make sense of it, genuinely. You've not done anything wrong, you can't do anything wrong. Thats frustrating too. It's like you're this perfect, beautiful person, and I've been trying to see flaws but I cant-" He rambles, speaking like hes just letting out one stream of constant thoughts. He seems stressed, poor guy.
I interupt him, grabbing his arm. "Hey, c'mon Pinfi- I- Lars. C'mon Lars. I'm not worth the stress mate" I try and reassure him, but that just agitates him more.
"See! That's just it! I've been horrible to you, I admit it. But you've kept trying with me! When I hurt my hand you were the one who bandaged it and put it in a sling"
(i had found him almost blacked out from the pain on the lab floor, even the memory of it sent a shiver down my spine)
"you were the only one that looked for me after we all nearly died fighting Garraka"
("Pinfield? Pinfield!? Oh my god, there you are! Thank fuck you're alright!" Okay maybe this tiny non-crush had been going on longer than i thought... christ)
"I dont like the thought of you hurt..." i muttered, embarrased. this definitely wasnt how i was expecting this conversation to go, fuck my life I was crushing on a nerdy scientist who defintely didn't like me back.
He stopped his pacing and walked over to me until the gap between us was non existant. He slowly, hesitantly, lifted his hand until he cupped my cheek.
"I don't like the thought of you upset because of me" he muttered, his voice low.
My heart completely stopped, my breath caught in my throat, was this happening? how was this happening? i swear this guy was like my mortal enemy not even 5 minutes ago. so many revelations were bieng made today...
I decided to be bold, why not? fuck it, i've got nothing to loose at this point.
I leaned in so our noses just grazed eachother, looking at him, really genuinely looking at him. his soft blue eyes that seemed to peer into my soul. Not pierce through it, like some weird blue eyed fuckers i knew, but looked. gently, tenderly, as if he was looking at everything i ever had been, or would be. like i was something beautiful, something to be treaured.
It made me want to sob at the thought. god, how disgustingly sweet.
"make up for it then" i whispered, the tension so thick i could cut it with a knife.
I'd planned on being the one to make the forst move, but apparently, that was all that Lars needed.
He kissed me. His soft lips pressed against mine, sotfly, tenderly, tentatively.
I could feel the anxiety radiating off of him, so i quickly reciprocated. More eagerly than i owuldve liked- but oh well.
I could feel his hand resting on my waist, his thumb gently stroking my cheek. It all felt so tender, so raw, not at all how i thought it would be.
I felt like a teenager again, and couldnt resist letting out a small giggle, making Lars pull away. He looked confused again, making me laugh once again.
"What?" he aksed, a sort of amused smile on his face.
"Nothing- sorry. Nothing at all. Just thinking of how fuming mums gonna be when i tell her ive got a posho for a boyfriend"
"I am NOT posh!"
"you are a littleee"
"I AM NO- wait- boyfriend?"
"oh shit didnt mean to say that bi-"
he cut me off with another kiss, this one much more confident.
It felt like a million fireworks were going off in my head, oh I could definetly get used to this feeling. This war, sweet, happy feeling. My senses were flooded with everything Lars. His taste, his smell, his touch.
I felt like I was learning to live again.
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girlsrawesome64 · 19 days
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maybe könig with a super innocent/sweet reader? like he finds them adorable but also worries for their naive nature?
W *infantilization, stranger to reader sexual harassment mention, dubiously healthy relationship, nonsexual ddlg vibes kindaa, low-key violent/anger issues konig (to others: alcohol inspired defensive violence, threats, armlock) bf!König, unfinished, abrupt end, unsettling nonsexual purity infatuation, dying dove actually idk feels weird☝️
YESSSS GOOD IDEA This ones a lil messy i apologize i got brainrot, couldn't stop and couldn't remember anything xd there's so many more points i wanted to hit but now im just dizzy /j TYSM FOR THE AASKKKK <3 :DD
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♡︎. You always made him smile. A stupid crooked grin under his mask, eyes giddy with knowing, satisfied joy whenever you do something nice for him- which felt like a lot. You never seem to realize just how naturally, deeply your sincere actions hold meaning. Just how beautiful you are in every sense.
He always scans your face, and you're looking at him wondering why he's got that smug look whenever he takes the sight of you in after you do something that just comes naturally/doesn't seem like that big of a deal to you. Of course you'd do that for him..? You're literally perfect and you don't even know it. He can't quite verbalize the exact thought, so he eases your worries instead by stroking your hair, saying many thank-yous and asking about your day.
Or, when he can't quite take it and he jumps you with kisses everywhere and confident praise instead whilst you confusedly smile and wonder what you did to get all this all of a sudden, which just eggs him on harder.
Or hugging you from behind and dragging you back onto the bed or sofa to lay on him, squeezing your waist and giving a kiss to the side of your face with an exhausted sigh because you're too cute and it hurts.
♡︎. He's always a human barrier between you and the rest of the world when you go out. It's not like you're stupid, but restricted processing abilities can be a bitch, and he just always has a close eye out for you. Or if he doesn't, coz he's not a cop, he instinctively snaps to you at the first indication of something.
A general practiced distrust makes him sour, snarky and vigilant to stranger third parties. Blatantly putting himself between you and tricky guilt-trippy street/seller/creepy scams. His appearance and general passive-aggressively 'friendly' demeanour is usually enough to get them to fuck off, but shouting or even threatening people comes equally as natural.
Sometimes he gets into it a little too much, breathing heavier, stinking of drink as an anything but playful grin twitched at the corner of his lips, bumping chest to chest- well, more like chest to neck- of someone you didn't quite clock was sexually harassing you before. You know, despite the fucked up circumstances, he'd missed this. He thinks they'd be a more than deserving subject to alleviate some frustration. Come on, reap your reward. Just swing first so he wouldn't look as bad for immediately slamming and pinning their pathetic, unqualified self into the bar, muttering coldly in their ear new instructions. To obviously not fucking touch you, anyone for that matter, and- while we're at it, hey, why don't they do a little dance? No, he's not carrying anything, that's so silly. Just, does it feel good when he bends their arm back a little more the wrong way? Ah- he didn't think so.
When you drone back at him later, eyebrows furrowed in concern and confusion at the hostility to this random innocent person- he'd sigh deep in apology, sitting down to your level. His expression was sincere as he eased you into letting him hold your hands as he explained. He knew you were your own person, it was just… there was no way in hell that wasn't what it looked like.
♡︎. Fucking adores you. You are his queen/king. Almost subconsciously keeps you as close as possible. Naturally tends to end up with you in his lap, a casual arm over your middle even if he's using his computer or doing something else tricky. Brows furrowed in focus and you objectively making it harder, but stubborn and no doubt in his expression that that's where you should be.
Or when you're out, he always seems to be holding your hand, rubbing circles to keep the touch entertaining, distracting from the fact that he's trying to keep track of you as closely as possible. If you're sitting with acquaintances, or something like that, he'd encourage you onto his lap, even though it might seem a bit weird to onlookers.
In that same vein of protective-to-posessive pipeline of touch, he loves to carry you. Hugs around your waist; playfully, gently but firmly throwing you over his shoulder
♡︎. Sometimes scolds you and picks you up.
♡︎. Your selflessness is admirable and unfathomable for him. From habit he's not a big crier, but when he's had a long day or is a couple drinks in sometimes it's over you. You're just so cute. And perfect. His perfect, perfect thing. It kinda stresses him out that he needs to keep you well.
Perpetual soft spot for people like you. He decides to return the favour. Lacking the retrospective emotional intelligence to figure out why exactly, but has an instinctual allegiance/affection from other genuinely nice girls like from his otherwise difficult school days.
♡︎. You both get weird looks when you introduce each-other as your s/os, double-taking that the sweetest person in the world was on the arm of a cocky, blunt military vet and vice versa.
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phantaloon · 4 months
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okay okay im finally finished with both eps and here's my genuine opinion
the cast is 10/10, every single one of these kids knows exactly what they're doing and WHO they are, i can't imagine anyone playing each character better than them
the slight change in Sally and gabe's dynamic gave me a bit of whiplash at first, but the second time watching it, i kinda really dig it better than the books
the way they're portraying percy's feelings of inadequacy and the whole "i know I'm broken, i don't need you to make up stories for me"? fucking devastating, but it fits so fucking well (i can't remember if this is shown as deeply as it's shown here)
sally jackson is the most badass mfer and i fucking love her she is the godly parent fuck poseidon
it's been said before but sally calling percy perseus when she wants him to listen >>>
LOVED how they gave us the impression of percy having riptide while facing the minotaur, only for them to take it away (not really but percy didn't know that) and having percy face the minotaur book style rather than movie style
ANNABETH SAYING PERCY MUST BE THE ONE I SCREAMED
i am fucking loving the way they're doing percy's rage, like maybe it's bc i don't remember it as clearly in the books, but it's so raw, and walker does an amazing job portraying it, but the whole part where he offers food (a thing meant to be for gods) to SALLY, king behavior fr, and that monolog about making his father see them?? actual goosebumps
leah does such an amazing job portraying annabeth's indifference and apparent arrogance, i can't explain how much i love her, like she does it so subtly, it's just little gestures, but she IS annabeth chase (this felt especially cooler after seeing her in interviews, where she's actually really shy irl)
im not going to lie here, and like im sure it was done on purpose anyway, but i am feeling it kinda rushed, and I get it really! they won't waste time in the many chapters spent during camp introducing the world to us, when they've got few episodes, and the whole quest to showcase instead, but like, i would have loved to see percy training with luke (and besting him) and annabeth showing percy around camp (second time we've missed that) and idk just some fun little details, but like i said, i understand why they HAD to rush the intro, so I'm not upset about it or disappointed, just smth to notice
having said that, i really did love the bit of luke guiding percy through several activities trying to figure out his "calling", the callback to percy's horrible archery skills is 10/10
annabeth's yankees cap is fr a yankees cap and im crying
i nearly forgot, but im loving the nightmare sequences, i love how they're keeping the "voice" so faceless and shapeless, but just a light in the darkness of a nightmare, and really it's a great figure, bc a light in a nightmare is usually a good thing, it's the thing you run towards, and it's usually smth that helps you, but here, the light in the darkness is anything but good (quite literally) and he literally taunts percy, and fuels his fear and bitterness, and ugh I love it
the whole capture the flag sequence is 10/10 as well, i can't explain how much this healed me, just like annabeth leaving percy to be bored to death on his own, when she was right there, the transition between luke's "percy's got this" and percy doing the fucking floss dance? cinematic masterpiece, and like the fight sequence was really well done and crafted much much better than many others that rely on slow mo or weird angles, like the fight with clarisse and her spear was gold
dior's scream as percy breaks clarisse's spear alone deserves an emmy
leah portrays annabeth so effortlessly and naturally, I've said it before but i love her
i got like 10 seconds of annabeth interacting with percy and i can already see them together forever ahdjdj
overall 10/10 will rewatch again and again and again bc I'm in fucking love even if it does feel a bit rushed at times and there was the same lack of the hellhound as the movie
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wasyago · 7 months
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some rambles about gillion trans headcanons and other stuff
im realizing that i write these posts because i have no one to talk about riptide with, so this is like a monolog that is meant to be a dialog? sort of? the point is, the thought process is unpredictable and this is just everything that goes through my head and not like a structural point or anything and some things are random and not uhhh pretty(?). i dont even know why im writing these disclaimers, no one cares probably?
anyway. so, if gillion was a trans man, how would that work?
did he know from the young age, before the elders even, that he was a boy? was it just an obvious thing for him and his family? was he loved and accepted? and when the elders took him away, did they accept him as well? did they even see him for a kid/a person he was, or did they only think about the prophecy and didn't care what gender The One was? when gillion got older, did he get his top surgery inside the walls of the palace without anyone questioning him or looking down upon? or did he have to sneak out? probably definitely not sneak out, im not sure gillion ever left the palace or seen the world outside much. did he even get top surgery?
that's an interesting question to me actually, because if tritons (in this campaign at least) hatch from eggs, do females even have bigger boobs? technically no, right? do they even have boobs? i mean, they do have chest muscles and stuff, but do they have nipples? the one time i drew gill without a shirt i didn't draw him any, so im gonna say "no" for now. sorry im huge bore when it comes to these types of questions, i don't even know why actually... is it weird?
uhh what was i talking about... so i guess yeah, if female and male tritons don't have that different of a body structure, gillion probably didn't even need a top surgery to begin with. and maybe he didn't experience much in terms of dysphoria, which honestly? good for him, he had enough going on already...
but if gillion wasn't trans before the elders? if he was fine with his gender, he was only five after all, he had better fiveyearold things to worry about. what happened after he was taken away? was it his own realization, just at an older age?
or was it forced on him by the elders? (its definitely a darker concept and would be out of character for the elders, but as an alternative universe I think its interesting as well). because "the chosen one", the hero of the prophecy, the one who will decide the fate of the world and who will protect the undersea, in the eyes of the elders could've only be a man (if they were misogynistic). and when they come to this family and they see a 5 y.o. girl, what can they feel except disappointment? they will try anyway though, because what are they supposed to do? and if they need a man for a prophecy they will get him one way or another...
again, a darker concept, and i think i like it like an au better than a headcanon for the main campaign. because it's ooc and brings up slightly different topics from the original.
at the end i think i wont headcanon gill as trans? (although who knows, maybe I'll come around eventually, we'll see) maybe as nonbinary or a secret third thing though. gillion to me doesn't feel like a "man" man, his gender is "a guy" i don't know how to explain it hdgsbbs (maybe im just projecting idk o_o)
I love it when people hc him as trans tho, its very sweet!!!!!!! and i believe he does have the top surgery scars in the official art? so like, pop off king lets go???? (actually i just checked and no he doesn't, but im gonna think he does anyway)
im a little scared to re read this post and i think i'll delete it later probably, but uhhh yeah... again, just rambling and thinking out loud (not out loud but you get what i mean. writing all this down or drawing something really helps me to think and figure things out, so that's why)
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002yb · 7 months
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Im a sucker for your jealous and possesive Dick agenda! So heres a thought: Dick fucking Jason so good and making sure Slade knows that, so he knows nobody can please Jay like him
The scenario: a classic misinterpretation of the facts situation that leads to a lot of first and second hand embarrassment. ԾᴗԾ
It's Jason. He's the only one embarrassed.
Anyway, Dick overhears half of a conversation between Jason and Slade. And Dick doesn't even ask about it; jealousy immediately gets the best of him and he gets a little intense, a little psychotic.
And Jason isn't stupid. He puts together what's happened right away but he loves it. Like hell he's going to explain the problem away and temper the storm Dick becomes.
It's not any different from normal for Dick to be consuming and overwhelming with his passions, but he goes about it in a different way this time around and it gets Jason going, hot damn.
Jason wouldn't say Dick seems particularly threatened, but he must be. Maybe it's because Slade is involved? Those two always get weird about each other, so maybe. Jason will have to keep that in mind (for future tomfoolery)
Dick wanting to be sure Jason will feel him even after Jason goes. Him wanting Jason to walk away from this with Dick spilling between his legs. Him wanting whoever Jason sees next (Slade) to know Dick had him and that Dick fucked him better and oh, if that doesn't draw a delighted shiver up Jason's spine.
Nice in theory, not in practice after the fact. Because while Jason is glowing, body ridden with love bites and bruises in the shape of Dick's hands and teeth -- Jason is late for the fucking job Slade called him out on. He can't walk.
Jason straight up tumbles out of bed and is horrified because hindsight is a bitch. He was too busy getting his rocks off to consider how it might impact his body the following day!!
It was exciting though. Dick is hot when he lets himself be aggressive. ;A;
Meanwhile Dick looks so damn smug and content as he waves Jason off.
Anyway, Jason gets to the appointed meeting point with Deathstroke but it's very apparent that Jason isn't in good condition. Jason still can't walk without a limp; he can't support his own weight without grimacing.
And omg Slade heaves a sigh at the lack of professionalism and Jason is so embarrassed because he knows ahhhhhhh.
When it slips that it was Dick that put Jason in such condition, Slade's mood shifts from exasperated to smug. Proud, even and Jason is ━Σ(゚Д゚|||)━ because what is happening?
Idk I got a lot of feelings for Slade being really weird about Dick in really weird ways. Like they're not friends or partners, but Dick is still his boy, y'know? Get it.
Then Jason comes home later and Dick is preened and ready for the details on how Deathstroke took to Jason's ravished appearance. Was he jealous? And Jason is perpetually red faced, flustered because no, not even close. Jason was on a job it sucked. ;n;
And Dick goes from possessive jackass to doting boyfriend because ooooooooh shit, oh no, is Jason okay ah, fuck @////@
Jason loves when Dick gets a little dark and dangerous when he's intimate, but hell. Jason isn't picky. He just loves Dick. He'll gladly bask in being treated like the pillow princess he sometimes is.
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wikiangela · 28 days
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Hello! I’d love to know more about this one: chris' teacher: good morning mr. diaz ; buck: uhhh i'm not- eddie's not- why do you think- hi im buck? 👀
hi! that's a fic where chris' teacher assumes Buck is Chris' other parent, and Buck and Eddie are married based on... just about everything Chris and Eddie say lol (she might not know buck bc she's new or smth, idk, I haven't gotten that far haha)
and then when he tells eddie about this weird interaction Eddie just goes: well, you are his dad, and as for the other part, hopefully one day, I've been meaning to tell you I love you anyway *shrug* (more or less, i don't have that scene yet, just parts of the dialogue lol but he's very casual about it while buck's whole world is realigning lol)
I don't think I shared any of it yet, but this is (almost) all i have so far bc it's been kinda on hold haha (drawings of chris' family ofc like kids do i guess lol)
“Hello, I’m here to pick up Christopher.” Buck smiles at the teacher as he approaches her. “Oh, hi, Mr. Diaz, it’s so nice to finally meet you.” she says, extending her hand, and Buck almost stops in his tracks, feeling his face heat up. Oh, he wishes… but unfortunately… “Uh, not Diaz.” he chuckles awkwardly. “Buckley. I should be on the list for pick-up.” he adds, for a second getting worried that maybe Eddie forgot to add him. “Buck!” he hears Chris, as he finally notices him, and when Buck looks over, he’s waving at him. Buck waves back with a smile. “Oh, you’re the famous Buck!” the teacher says, realization on her face. “Uh-” Buck sees Chris make his way towards them. “Famous?” “Christopher talks about you all the time.” she chuckles lightly. “I’m so sorry for the confusion, from the way he’s been talking, and the drawings, of course, I just assumed.” she explains sheepishly.  “That’s oka- wait, what drawings?” Buck frowns, confused.
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