#peoplepleaser

[angeilix]

Rant

For the people pleasers.

Honey okay ill start off with the fact that a lot of people arent your friend and you need to realize that. Those people who make remarks, point out every little single detail, make you question yourself, make you feel like shit.. make you feel messed up? Those aren't your friends and they never will be.

Stop trying to make yourself likeable when you'll never be able to be likeable enough for everyone. That also begs the question, would you rather have a small group of friends who love you for who you are or would you rather have a whole building of friends who will turn their backs against you in any minute?

So many people aren't actually your friends, don't treat them nor call them it. Speech matters, your words matter. The title friend should be earned, why should they be your friend if they havent done anything to prove that they are..? So many people are just parasites and there are only a small fraction of people who are actually willing to be honest with you and respect you. Those people will come naturally to you and accept you for who you are.. if you find yourself feeling like you have to fake yourself to be liked then honey, what are you doing? Who are these people, my love? Do you even know them that well? Do they know you? Why do they matter so much to you?

You need to realize that you don't need much to be happy, and that you never will need much to be happy. I've seen so many people be afraid of being alone once they cut off their friends but babe, like so many other people say, its so much better to be alone than to not be alone and be surrounded by fake friends.

It's alright to communicate your limits, your needs. You won't be losing anything, you'll only be getting rid of the people who step on you and the people who benefit from you not speaking up for yourself. People who actually are your friends will never be offended by you stating your boundaries. They'll respect it, and they'll respect you more.

The people who do get offended are the people who you don't need in your life, the people who only want to use you, for your energy, for your time, for anything you have. Because people are greedy.

Stop thinking that you're not capable of it because these people are walking all over you. You are, but they don't think you are. Don't let their opinions get to you. They'll get offended by you stating your boundaries because they're used to you not having any. So the second you tell them off, they'll get mad. Don't fret, you don't need them.. it's how you find out that they weren't an actual friend.

It'll hurt, but would you rather be deceived? And stop thinking that this is the best you'll get because then it really will be. What you believe will shape your reality. Honey, i want you to realize that you can get better and you can get the best for you. If you believe you can get better, then you will. And if you believe you don't then you won't be able to. But see that's the problem, if you dont think you can it simply just means you 'think' you can't. Change your way of thinking.. it isnt impossible

Start small. Start saying no to little things you don't actually wanna do, and everytime you start getting comfortable with it start increasing the level of what you say no to.. you can say no to something as simple as them offering you a drink, them asking you for a small favor, a small insult, if you don't want it or don't want to put up with it nor do it. And eventually you can start saying no to big things like them venting to you when you don't have the energy to put up with it, cutting off people who have disrespected you, and so much more.

If you don't think you can do it then realize that you just aren't used to doing it. It's not that you can't, it's just that you've never tried it. So you're rejecting it. But i beg you, try it. And I'm sure you'll be able to do it. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be a start. A start that's good enough. It's alright if it's a bad start, at least it's a start.

If you don't think you can do it then why don't you think you can do it? Give yourself advice that you would give to another person struggling with the same issue. And apply that to your reality. It isn't that you can't do it, it's that you think you can't do it.

Follow your intuition. How to differentiate between intuition and emotion? Simple. Intuition comes like a fact, emotion comes like a feeling.

[societycyxx]

I can release the guard of being hurt and taken advantage of. One of the perks of being a people pleaser is that people don’t often realize that they are taking more out of you than necessary. I have to take accountability for being a pushover as well.

[megpie]

Once upon a time, a few years ago, this wild child of mine dropped an observation on me. Changed my life. They said - that I only ever get sad//not mad. That in situations where it's reasonable and normal to get angry, I instead feel sadness. Why? Because I suppress my anger. Trying to be "good," to avoid conflict and confrontation, forever the peacemaker since I was a little girl attempting to manage my dad's irrational outbursts. That I've developed a tendency to turn the blame inward. Say - someone steals $20 from me. Instead of aiming the feelings outward, being upset at them, confronting them, telling them to give it back.... I aim it inwards, I feel sad that something is wrong with the other person that they felt the need to steal, that I should've kept my money more secure, that maybe I should've checked on them because maybe they're having hard times, etc. I never realized how much I live my whole.damn.life. this way. Suppressing my words, silencing my feelings, swallowing up my anger. Until I've become too timid to demand fair treatment, to have healthy boundaries, to limit people's access, to speak up when I'm upset. I'm silent, (well, you know me, I chatter constantly like an anxious magpie, but it's different with hard issues) until I explode. And maybe trying so hard to never rock the boat, be good so people will like me, never upset anyone... maybe it's taken too much from me, those suppressed words coming at the expense of my own mental health. This poem is insanely perfect for me, is what I'm saying. Please, tell me someone else relates here too? 🖤 #peoplepleaser #anxiousattachment #anxietyanddepression #anxiousmind #conflictavoidance #cryingquotes #sadquotes #strongwomenquotes #anxietybelike #overthinker #empathsbelike #empathproblems #feelingsquotes #allthefeels https://www.instagram.com/p/CnsFAbSvqZh/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[troubledontlast1]

Never beg for love. Never beg someone to love you back or be with you when you want to be with them. Never beg for someone's time, commitment, affection and attention. Never beg someone to stay with you when you need them the most. Because in the first place, if they love you that much, they wouldn't leave you and let go of your hand. They will never let you beg for their presence and love because they will give it to you with open arms. Don't beg, it's demeaning and degrading. Remember, if you have to beg, they aren't worth it. No one is worth begging for. #rejection Sometimes the people we like don't like us back, and it's painful, but there's nothing we can do about it. #neverbeg Loving someone who doesn't love you back is like hugging a cactus; the tighter you hold on the more it hurts. #knowyourworth Sometimes you just got to give up on people. Not because you don't care, but because they don't. #knowyourworththenaddtax Some people won't love you no matter what you do and some people won't stop loving you no matter what you do. Go where the love is. #selfworthquotes If someone doesn't like you then who cares, you should never feel the need to change yourself in order to feel liked by others. #dontbeg 🔥Subscribe to my YouTube channel and podcast,👉🏾"Uplift Past Crossroads"👈🏾🔥 Befriend me on Facebook/LinkedIn = Sean Christopher Jenkins 🔥Follow👉🏾@troubledontlast 👈🏾IG/Twitter/Snap/TikTok for more🔥 Turn on Post Notification - Like - Comment - Share - Save ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖ . . Follow my other Instagram accounts: Subscribe to YouTube(in bio)👉🏾@my_daily_bible👈🏾 Subscribe to podcast(in bio)👉🏾@upliftpastcrossroads👈🏾 YouTube👉🏾@upliftwithdrj👈🏾 Fashion👉🏾@glamourmeetsgq👈🏾 . . 👤 Tag a friend who would like this page ⬇️ ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖ #selfworth #loveyourself #loveyourselffirst #loveyou #beyourself #beyou #selfapproval #lovewhoyouare #lovethewayyouare #lovethewayiam #approvalnotneeded #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #peoplepleasers #peoplepleaserproblems #selfworthiseverything #knowyourvalue #selfvalue #neverbegforlove #dontbegforlove #rejectionisgodsprotection #approveyourself #approveofyourself (at Nashville, Tennessee) https://www.instagram.com/p/ClogqciLvUL/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[socialdragonflytarot27]

CANCER ♋️ Channeled Message 💌🙃 #socialdragonfly #cancer #cancerzodiac #cancerian #cancersign #cancermoon #cancerrising #cancernation #5d #lawofattraction #horoscope #horoscopes #channeledmessages #channeledmessage #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore https://www.instagram.com/p/CjI-HpbutJf/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[judgedesireforknowledge]

Join My Talk Show Know Your Truth RealTalk with me JudgeDesire For Knowledge Live on YouTube! Today's Topic: Are You A People Pleaser?!: Just Say NO! See You There! Tchau!

[diaryofabug]

Howdy pardner <3

Last night @masonamadeus and I were in bed, all snuggled up for sleep, and I mentioned that I really wanted to have what we’d eaten for dinner again for breakfast, it’s a dish that he makes so well and introduced me to, and I CRAVE it y’all. 

It’s so good. 

I realized as I said it that if we wanted to have it for breakfast he would need to soak the rice now. And I immediately felt panicked. All of the anxiety and terror from past relationships compounded onto my brain even as he said, “Oh yeah, I should soak the rice now.”

And I tried to take it all back as he climbed over me to go to the kitchen and get the rice soaking. I was so filled with dread and regret at inadvertently asking him to do something nice for me. I had unconsciously inconvenienced him. 

Obviously he kissed me on the forehead, told me to stop being dumb, and happily soaked the rice. 

And I laid there, on the verge of tears, wondering how the heck we got here. 

As a former people pleaser who has historically attracted narcissists, as a woman who dates men, as just a person in this world-

It’s so easy to pretend like the things that happen to and around you don’t affect you. That they don’t leave a mark on your psyche, and even your soul. That you’re simply better now and everything that you ever endured is in your past. For me it’s also a coping mechanism, If I don’t identify and admit they way that I’ve been treated in the past has been bad, or not nice, or even just hurt my feelings, then I’m still in control. It’s not something that someone did or did not do for me, it’s not a way that someone treated me-

It’s a way I let myself be treated. 

And now, that’s just no good. I know that, seeing it written out it’s easy to identify how that kind of language, how that thought pattern doesn’t serve me. 

As I laid in the bed last night, the dread and anxiety easily banished by the reassurance and forehead kisses of my partner, my thoughts swirled around these ideas. Finally seeing the past for what it was, and getting another step closer towards letting this coping mechanism go for good. 

I’d like to thank her for her service, because she helped to protect me when I was in unsafe living situations, unsatisfying relationships, and unhealthy friendships. She was there to help me navigate my twenties, and to learn what kind of relationships I want to give energy to and to foster growth in. 

But now I’m almost 30, and I’m really trying to lean into practicing what I preach. 

I am worthy of a partner who will do things just for me.  Who enjoys building a life with me and who wants to grow with me. Who never wants to cut me down in order to avoid facing something about himself, who sees me to my core and isn’t with me because of the things I do for him, or make his life easier. But because we’re both fully formed individuals, trying to build something that can be even greater than the sum of it’s parts. 

A partner who will get out of bed to soak the rice. 

It’s day whatever of being a human in this hellscape, and things are still hard. But I am so happy to be where I am. 

-Bug

[saramackenzie1982]

I said what I said. I'm not saying encouragement isn't important. It is. But when it comes to indie, people put words in your mouth. They try to pretend they know how you feel. They dismiss the experience and wonder how you could be a downer or get into trouble often. And you're all probably thinking I'm not doing anything for my sales or I'm not doing enough to ask my friends and family. I added that info for a reason. Did you know that 98% of them don't care? That I take that other 2% with great pride? It's not a lot, but it's mine. I'm still an author. Mental illness is real. Abusive families exist. Trauma isn't a joke. Words do hurt. They run deep into our subconscious. And by not looking to change the system from the bottom up, our integrity means nothing. Actions change the world, because we've already broken trust. #TraumaSurvivor #DysfunctionalFamily #NarcissisticParent #NarcissisticAbuse #Empaths #PeoplePleaser #GrowingUpAbused #Unkindness #NeverEnough #TurnTheWorldAround #DidYouKnow #WishesDontComeTrue #ThereIsNoHappyEnding #LifeIsADisease #ChooseCarefully #PickYourPoison #HelpOrHinder #TheOppositeOfLoveIsIndifference #SupportLocal #SupportIndie #NoIntimidation #IndieAuthors #WrappedInTheRaysOfTheSun https://www.instagram.com/p/Cp28w0DJDfo/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[kurukeretv-international]

All mushin local govt ward chairmen are too busy for Sanwo-Olu returns #peoplepleaser #peoplepower #lagosstate #lagosnigeria #busy #election #voters (at Ijesha/surulere lagos) https://www.instagram.com/p/CpbF8b1NlCp/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[777soulmate777]

Believe in life and the universe, reflect your energy💫✨ . . 👉@555soulmate555 ✨ 👉@555soulmate555 ✨ 👉@555solumate555 ✨ . . . #soulquotes #thoughtscreatereality #quotesforgirls #peoplepleaser #healingquotes #alonequotes #sadlove #forgivenessquotes #lettinggo #heartbrokenquotes #movingonquotes #timeheals #exboyfriendquotes #wordstoliveby #lettinggoquotes #simplereminders #sadlovequotes #cheatingquotes #inspirationalquote #brokenheart #divorcequotes #relationshipquote #womenstrongthoughts #startingoverquotes #imsorryquotes #breakupquotes #meaningfullife #movingonquotes #selfrespectquotes (USA) https://www.instagram.com/p/Co02LYGqZfw/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[tracyfance]

Do You People Please?

I see many clients who are people pleasers, some of them agree that they do this & they are unhappy, others would say that they just love making others happy. What I find is that actually neither group is really happy! Those that do it because they love to make others happy, are unhappy because once the glow has worn off from doing something nice for someone, they are back where they started, not serving their own needs. In fact, pleasing people is like any addiction, you feed the addiction which feels good, until it doesn’t feel good, then another ‘fix’ is needed & so the cycle continues.

For those that have become people pleasers even though they know it doesn’t make them happy, it’s about finding the root cause. If you have a parent (or any other figure in your life that influences you) you may learn that by having an opinion that isn’t aligned to theirs, you only end up with rows or punishment or even abuse.

With a parent/child relationship it can be more complex, a child may feel unloved when they are in the ‘wrong’ so they’ll seek to keep the approval & love and learn to just do what keeps the parent happy. If this is an abusive parent, it may be about self-protection, ‘don’t rock the boat’ as this leads to a beating or severe punishment or it may be the abusive person will take it out on another person in the family unit.

With this type of people pleaser, it is a simple matter of them understanding that this behaviour served them back then, it’s not serving them now, in fact it’s the opposite, it’s causing problems such as attracting narcissists or controllers or simply the bullies whether that’s work, socially or home life.

In this case I would work on their belief system, this may be that they do not feel worthy or that they are not good enough, it may be they are avoiding conflict, even though there may be none if they don’t follow others wishes, the fear of it, especially if it was there in the past will keep them trapped in their behaviour.

If it is learned behaviour from a parent or partner, again it is about identifying their beliefs & updating them.

If my client has issues around giving others what they want because they love making people happy, there’s various things I would look at, it may simply be that they need external validation instead of having it from within. When we need people to tell us how great we are or need validation from places such as social media, it is external & fleeting, so swapping the need for external validation to looking at oneself is much healthier.

Also with a client who needs to keep pleasing others because they get something from it, I look to see what they are getting from it; do they feel needed? Do they feel useful & worthwhile? Do they need people to always be saying ‘thank you’ or telling them how grateful they are?

These are only examples, there can be other reasons such as copying a parent or someone you lookup to.

As always in a session, it is only by finding the root of the behaviour that I can help the client to heal.

It may be that this situation is part of a Soul Contract (a spiritual contract between two or more people to create growth) so maybe the person who has the tendency to people please needs to learn stronger boundaries, more confidence, strength or self belief, obviously they can sink or swim at this point, that’s their freewill. If it’s a Soul Contract, that doesn’t mean it can’t be overcome nor does it mean that they have to resolve the issue, however, if they don’t achieve what they came here for their soul will need to re-do that lesson, maybe it just needs to be easier, in which case it may happen over a higher number of lives instead of one, if achieving it in one life is too heavy.

The key is to use circumstances and experiences to grow, to learn to be you and not to become who someone else wants you to be or who you think they want you to be. Thank that person who made you a people pleaser, they were part of your soul contract, they agreed to help you find the strength to breakaway & be your authentic, wonderful self.

If these behaviours are not changed, they can lead to health issues (not always, so don’t panic), most usually in women and most usually immune system issues such as Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), Thyroid Dysfunction, Eczema, Psorasis etc. When behaving in a way not aligned with our true self the body will revolt.

Do you people please? Have you asked yourself what it brings you or what you are getting from it that you could get elsewhere? If this resonates for you, let me know, you can still please other people & be happy, it isn’t one of other!

#peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #coachingwithtracyfance #lifecoaching #pleaseyourselffirst #mindbodyconnection

[megpie]

I feel this rattling in my bones for my entire live long life. 🖤 Anyone else? #peoplepleaser #anxiousattachment #anxiousmind #anxietylife #anxietybelike #repressedemotions #holditin #sadmood #sadquotes #empathsbelike #empath #spooniesisterhood #spoonies #chronicillnesslife #chronicallyill #mentalhealthmeme #mentallyexhausted #mentalhealthstruggles https://www.instagram.com/p/CoxfJDYPa-8/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[troubledontlast1]

Don't be a people pleaser, be a GOD PLEASER. #peoplepleaser You cannot please everyone so make sure you are pleasing God. #pleasegod God created us to please Him, which sets us free from the need to please people. #pleasinggod Dear God, rid me of the desire to be a people pleaser, I just want to please you. #liveforgod Please God not man! Refuse to please men, instead choose to please God, which will yield you rewards both on earth and in heaven. When you please God, the grace of God works abundantly in your life causing every good thing to abound in your life. #peoplepleasing Who's approval is more important? Man's or God's? As believers, we should be pleasing God. This world will not and cannot save our souls. Jesus died for us to be saved! #peoplepleasernomore Don't strive to please people, strive to please God. Because He's already pleased with you. And even loves you deeply, regardless of whether you choose to please Him or not. #peoplepleasers I am not trying to please people, I want to please God. Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.- Galatians 1:10 #peoplepleasingnomore We can't do one thing to make God love us more or love us less, but we're in charge of how pleased He is with us. #peopleplease 🔥YouTube & podcast,👉🏾"Uplift Past Crossroads"👈🏾🔥 Facebook/LinkedIn = Sean Christopher Jenkins 🔥Follow👉🏾@troubledontlast 👈🏾IG/Twitter/Snap/TikTok for more🔥 Turn on Post Notification - Like - Comment - Share - Save ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖ . . My other IG accounts: Subscribe to YouTube(in bio)👉🏾@my_daily_bible👈🏾 Subscribe to podcast(in bio)👉🏾@upliftpastcrossroads👈🏾 YouTube👉🏾@upliftwithdrj👈🏾 Fashion👉🏾@glamourmeetsgq👈🏾 . . 👤 Tag a friend ⬇️ ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖ #peoplepleaserforthelord #doitforjesus #livingforgod #peoplepleaserproblems #forthegloryofgod #forgodsglory #godalone #forthelord #forgod #forgodsglory #audienceofone #opinionsdontmatter #godsapproval #peoplepleasingproblems #liveforthelord #dontliveforothers #stoplivingforothers #onlygodsopinionmatters #doitforthelord #doitforgod #approvedbygod #godpleaser (at Nashville, Tennessee) https://www.instagram.com/p/CfeaEq7rigS/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[savemefromtoxic]

"If their words & actions don’t match take that as a sign you are being manipulated" ~ Rick dC It's really that simple. If they say the love you, but they cheat. They're manipulating you. If they say you're crazy, but they act irrationally. They're manipulating you. If they accuse you of cheating, but they switch off their phone, they put their phone face down, they disappear, switch off location-sharing, they lie about where they are - They're manipulating you. #peoplepleaser #peopleplease #peoplepleasing #fake #inauthentic #narc #narcis #narcissist #toxic #toxiclove https://www.instagram.com/p/CnnCR0wSn2Y/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=