#pickle monster diaries

[phenakistoskope]

pickle inventory: two kinds of red chili pickle (whole and pureed), one green chili pickle stuffed with mustard (homemade, three months ago), one andhra chicken pickle, one mango pickle with mango pieces, one avakaya, green and red chili thecha (unsure if these count as pickles).

[dolljunk]

I enjoy the Monster High diaries and how they defined how I liked MH's characters from day one since a doll line hasn't done that in a while. To my surprise, Frankie Stein's recent Haunt Couture diary mentioned a character that hasn't been seen since her School's Out diary, which was her on-and-off crush, a gargoyle from the Basketball team nicknamed "7" with a Scottish accent.

I used this specific Create a Monster Gargoyle since his face speckles are much darker and more prominent than others I owned. I also wanted to create a distinction between French gargoyles and Scottish ones, so darker speckles are a good point of distinction,

For his face, I avoided using true black in his face to make him more distinct, plus I added teeth to emphasise how different he would be from a French gargoyle like Rochelle...

He might be an obscure diary character but I'm a sucker for obscure lore....

[lumpyrock]

@sheetghostwithbones I made my own detailed explanation on how a monster in Paris Bowuigi AU would work.

So, Luigi is, of course, Lucille. He has lived in this world his entire life. He works as a popular performer at a Sarasaland hotel. He's kinda been sheltered his whole life and doesn't know much about the world outside of Sarasaland. (Guess who the commissioner's gonna be.)

Mario is Raoul. He's protective over his younger brother and very rarely leaves him home alone. Peach is Emile. She's visiting and staying at the hotel that Luigi works at. She is also not a Princess in this one.

On to the actual story. So, Peach, on her first night of staying at the hotel, breaks something of Luigi's. It's something he needs for his show later that night. Turns out it comes from the Koopa Kingdom. Mario is pissed, but Luigi's super apologetic. "No, I don't actually need it! Please don't go get another one!" But Mario drags Peach around to get another one anyway.

Cut to a couple hours later, Mario and Peach are still goofing off wherever they are and it's time for Luigi's show. He goes on and realizes that the princess, Daisy, is in the audience. He does his best and after the show Daisy gives him a bouquet.

Meanwhile, Mario and Peach are in a bit of a pickle. They got the thing, but now there's a big dragon turtle after them. They (finally) get back to the hotel, and agree not to tell Luigi about what they saw that night.

(Scene where a couple toads get spooked by Bowser.)

Anyway, the spooking of random people keeps happening. Peach decides she's gonna stay a little longer until she can get this figured out. Luigi has a date with Daisy. Well, not technically a date, but he's pretty sure it's a date. Mario's excited for him. Luigi insists that he go on his own. Mario's not as excited for him.

On his way out, Luigi sees a poster talking about how there is a monster and not to go out at night. Oh, how Luigi wishes he'd let Mario come with him. Anyway, he goes on his (not) date with Daisy.

Peach is traumatized from that night and starts writing about it in her diary. Mario is bored so comes to her room. She starts venting to him about how they were such idiots and should've never gone to the Koopa Kingdom. Just then a room service person walks in.

So, they talk to one of Daisy's advisors. The advisor says that as long as they keep quiet until the princess turns into the queen, they don't go to jail.

Luigi returns home from his date with no Mario or Peach in sight. That's odd. Luigi starts to worry about, what if the monster got them? In his dressing room, he is vigorously combing through his hair to get all the stress out.

Just then he hears a knock on the door. That must be Mario! He throws open the door to outside but there seems to be nothing there, aside from a few discarded Koopa shells. And one seems to be a lot bigger then the others. He slowly walks towards it when it starts moving.

A giant monster stands up before him. He faints. It catches him. Luigi slowly comes to and sees this giant monster holding him. He chooses flight.

He runs back into the hotel and locks the door. He's just like, holy heck, this can't be happening. He hears something from outside. It sounds like, singing? What in the what now?

(It's whatever Jack Black's song is gonna be in the movie, but sad.) Luigi is really likes this voice. Like, it sounds so handsome! He opens the door and walks over to the monster, holding out a hand for it. He's shaking like crazy but is trying to hide it.

"H-hi, m-my name's Luigi. P-please don't hurt me..."

"I'm Bowser, nice to meet you." So, like, Bowser's super proper in this and is like, an absolute gentleman.

Luigi's still kinda freaking out that he brought a... thing into his dressing room.

So, remember the thing that Peach broke earlier? That was, 1, an instrument, 2, Bowser's. So Bowser's instantly like, "hey, that's my instrument! Why do you have my instrument?"

And Luigi's like, "here, you can have it back, I really don't need it, it was Mario's idea anyway!"

But Bowser wants to hear Luigi play it, see if he's any good. Luigi's decent at it so Bowser gives him some tips. Luigi feels likes he's walking a fine line between death and not death. So when Bowser asks to play it in the show tonight, he agrees no hesitation.

Finally, Mario and Peach arrive just before the show starts, so they don't have time to check in on Luigi before hand. Curtains open and to everyone's surprise, there are two people on stage. Luigi and a mysterious stranger (who is like, 8 feet tall, but no one questions it).

"Uh, hi, everybody!" Luigi says. "As you can tell, there has been a last minute addition to the show! This is mister Bowser and he is a professional at the instrument! Um, let's get the show started! Yay..."

So the night goes down without a hitch and towards the end (just to show off), Bowser grabs Luigi while he's playing the instrument. Luigi goes into panic with a little bit of gay.

After the show, Mario and Peach come to congratulate them. Then they relize that Bowser's the monster. They don't want to scare Luigi, so they are just like, "weege, why don't you come down and come with us! I'm sure Bowser won't mind!"

"But Bowser wouldn't like that, I don't think. He might even get angry!" Luigi says, trying to hint that he knows this is dangerous but this could get even more dangerous.

So they go back and forth for a while until Bowser has had enough.

"You fools relize I'm right here, right? And that I can hear you, right?" (Wow, this is getting long.)

So, quick fire round! L thinks B's kinda cute and wants him to stay even though B really has no reason to. P&M go to a press conference held by D about the monster. D says they should kill it. P&M don't like that because L will be sad. They decide, yet again, don't tell L. Some guards come to the hotel to search for the monster but L&B get the slip on them. L finds that they should move somewhere else.

Two weeks later, it's D's ascension to the thrown. L is at the event and has set up a secret plan with B to get people to not be terrified. The plan is that B kidnaps L during the show then they show up a week later being like, "Yeah, we're boyfriends." But as they're escaping M&P&D all want to stop them because they don't know it's staged. M&P don't want kill B, they just want to throw him in prison, but D wants to straight up murder him.

They chase onto Sarasaland's castle (does Sarasaland even have a castle?). D powers up and POOFS B. L is heartbroken. D gets put on a regency plan so that she doesn't murder the rest of the kingdoms monarchs. M&L finally tell each other everything they've been hiding from each other. L's still sad.

He goes to his dressing room and gets sad at the instrument. He goes on the stage and is sad. He's sad, to say the least.

It's the night of the first show after, you know. L can't think straight, let alone sing. Just then he hears a knock on the door. He goes to open it and it's B! Holy heck, how did he get here? Well, Kamek pulled a Kamek and poofed him outta there before he died. L's just glad he's alright. They play the instrument and sing into the night.

The end.

[little-cereal-draws]

ok hear me out: Nimona!Lilo and Stich au

think about it

Balister is Nani, Ambrosius is David, and Nimona is simultaneously Lilo and Stitch. The aliens (Jumba, Pleakley, Captain Gantu, and the Grand Councilwoman) are the institute (the Director, Todd, and the queen maybe?)

I'm not quite sure how Nimona and Balister would have ended up together in this situation but now they're a broken family. I have a few ideas abt this but the one i like the best is the institute was doing (very unethical) experiments on infants they took from impoverished families and Nimona was one of them. The program got shut down by the queen and all the kids had to be given back. They didn't keep records of where they came from tho so they adopted them out to anyone who wanted them. Balister's family got Nimona but then their parents died. "Stitch" in this au would be the shadowy monster version of her created by the experiments. She escapes and is trying to reconnect with Nimona so they can be whole again. Nimona was too young to remember and Balister doesn't know bc it was kept super secret from the public. At the end, they rejoin and Nimona is finally her full self.

It's not quite the plot of Lilo and Stitch but it would work so well. Imagine Nimona looking a social worker in the eye with a bunch of spoons in a pickle jar and deadpanning, "My friends need to be punished." Imagine Balister going through an increasingly frustrating but hilarious montage of trying to get a job while trying (and failing) to keep track of Nimona. Imagine Ambrosius trying to support Bal anyway he can even when he knows he doesn't have to. The institute destroying their house in a game of bomb-hot-potato. Nimona getting laughed at for telling the other kids she pretends that a bug laid eggs in her doll's ear. Balister yelling "You can't take her away! I'm the only one who understands her!" And ofc this wonderful scene:

Ambrosius: Listen, I was wondering, if you're not doing anything this- Balister: Ambrosius, I told you, I can't. I- Balister: *looks at Nimona* Nimona: Balister: I got a lot to deal with right now. Ambrosius: I know. I just figured you might need some time o- Balister: Look, I gotta go. Maybe some other time ok? *leaves* Ambrosius: Nimona: Don't worry. He likes your butt and fancy hair. I know. I read his diary. Ambrosius: He thinks it's fancy?

[tedwardremus]

What if Harry’s chest monster has always been a toad?

Or what if the sunlit days were toads? SeveralSunlitToads?

What if McGonagall has something to say about this? Do you think she offered Harry a toad flavored biscuit? Reason why it’s always “have a biscuit, Potter”

Most importantly what did Tom Riddle think of when Ginny was writing in the diary? It played a major role in the Hinny relationship if you think about it.

Excerpt from the Riddle Diary (I did some detective work and found evidence!):

Dear Tom

I just want to bloody die!

Today I saw Harry walking down the hall and laughing with my git brother Ron, I wanted to say hi to Harry.

I almost did! I had everything planned out, but-but when he turned his head and smiled (to me, mind you) my mind went blank. Oh, why does he have eyes that resembles pickled toads? So green and, UGH!

Why couldn’t his eyes resemble the mysterious wart that my Great Aunt Muriel has on the back of her neck (which if you ask me…I think Fred and George have something to do about that) anyways, Tom, I made an absolute fool out of myself!

instead of waving to him I-I accidentally flipped him the bird!

Merlin! Can you believe I did that? I never seen his eyes grow so wide in my life.

Please Tom, just take me out of my bloody misery

Riddle: Girl, tell me about it 💅 I will see what I can do, boys are so complicated 🙄

What if everyone were toads? What if it was Harry Toader and the Toadstool Stone?

What if Lily Potter was a lily pad?

Good job on uncovering the list diary page 🫡

[pastelicmelodydreamic]

my kinnie list

this is my kinnie list from each dreamyverse media

note: this is a long list

snowflake(object trek)

journal(paper puppets take 2)

microwave(ultimate insanity)

nozomi yumehara/cure dream(yes precure 5)

erika kurumi/cure marine(heartcatch precure)

yayoi kise/cure peace(smile precure)

hikaru hoshina/cure star(star twinkle precure)

sango suzumura/cure coral(tropical rouge precure)

mashiro nijigaoka/cure prism(hirogaru sky precure)

ichigo hoshimiya(aikatsu)

akari oozora(aikatsu)

kirara hanazono(aikatsu stars)

junior asparagus(veggietales)

naru ayase(pretty rhythm rainbow live)

yui yumekawa(pripara)

daia nijinosaki(kiratto prichan)

miruki amauri(waccha primagi)

himari aozora(himitsu no aipri)

tsumugi suzukaze(himitsu no aipri)

tamaki nikaido(himitsu no aipri)

rinrin shinomiya(himitsu no aipri)

sapphie(jewelpet)

adeleine(kirby)

bill(sitting ducks)

aya maruyama(bang dream)

PAREO(bang dream)

muni ohnaruto(d4dj)

michiru kaibara(d4dj)

ruby kurosawa(love live)

rina tenoji(love live)

yume hinata(mewkledreamy)

rainbow(krew)

heartsping(catch teenieping)

charmping(catch teenieping)

fluffyping(catch teenieping)

helly(robocar poli)

cleany(robocar poli)

flip(super wings)

sunny(super wings)

golden girl(super wings)

maxie(robot trains)

ari jin(flowering heart)

lani(tayo the little bus)

tony(tayo the little bus)

poco(tayo the little bus)

loco(titipo titipo)

luchia nanami(mermaid melody)

gumi(vocaloid)

momoka aino(magical x heroine maji majo pures)

sarai shihara(police x heroine lovepatrina)

tooty(banjo-kazooie)

elise(fire emblem)

pyra(xenoblade blade)

tsukino(show by rock)

winky(the airport diary)

ben(the airport diary)

miko(the airport diary)

pelico(the airport diary)

botu(the airport diary)

musa(winx club)

iris(lolirock)

popo/gogo(bubble bubble marin)

vivi(bubble bubble marin)

my melody(sanrio and onegai my melody)

dizzy(1998 bob the builder)

roary(roary the racing car)

maxi(roary the racing car)

drifter(roary the racing car)

melody piper(ever after high)

sam(totally spies)

peach(shining star)

snow(shining star)

quizz(batwheels)

snowy(batwheels)

angers(lapis re: lights)

orbit(rob the robot)

gordan(gogobus)

dolce(angel's friends)

jubilee(underground ernie)

miles(auto b good)

isabelle(finley the fire engine)

lucy(vroomiz)

rose cinderella(regal academy)

dj(ricky zoom)

boomer(the adventures of chuck and friends)

soku(the adventures of chuck and friends)

frannie fenderson(go go cory carson)

pickle(blaze and the monster machines)

koko(chuggington)

chatsworth(chuggington)

emery(chuggington)

zephie(chuggington)

cruz ramierez(cars)

ichigo momomiya(tokyo mew mew)

percy(thomas and friends not all engines go)

clara(princess pring)

buddy(dream street citv)

jouju(secret jouju)

lip(rilu rilu fairilu)

bungo(jungle junction)

sammy(busy buses)

doremi harukaze(ojamajo doremi)

michelle lin(balala the fairies)

azure na(balala the fairies)

fiona(heroes of the city)

olly(olly the little white van)

komodo(animal mechanicals)

mouse(animal mechanicals)

ping(go go dino)

meteor(meteor and the mighty trucks)

purple star(rainbow bubblegem)

george(trains animated series)

swifty(elias the rescue boat)

tiny(little robots)

dirty(the stinky and dirty show)

usagi tsukino(sailor moon)

saedee(bolts and blip)

brum

chocola(nekopara)

robotgirl(robotboy)

skid(dive olly dive)

madoka kaname(puella magica madoka)

amby(fire engine ray)

love(love and berry dress up and dance)

lara(komi witch lara)

abby(city of friends)

beaut(the adventures of massey ferguson)

kirari moroboshi(idolmaster)

riamu yumemi(idolmaster)

hari koo(the haunted house anime)

cherry(tea tea cherry)

petty(pororo the little penguin)

buzz(tractor tom)

ruby(sofy ruby)

dan(engie benjy)

ringo yukimori(hime chen lipri)

nagisa motomiya(AKB0048)

rikki chadwick(H2O just add water and mermaid adventures)

sally the ambulance(pelle the police car)

yui hirasawa(K-ON)

petal tear(luminary tears)

hairpin(legends of spark)

zowie pollie(rollie pollie ollie)

pollie pi(rollie pollie ollie)

billy bevel(rollie pollie ollie)

red(firehouse tales)

scooch(jim henson's construction site)

leo saionji(king of prism)

tori himemiya(ensemble stars)

amu hinamori(shugo chara)

kyurun(go go vehicle zoo)

chino(is the order a rabbit?)

riku nanase(idolish7)

draculaura(monster high)

jack(trucktown)

isla(barbie: princess charm school)

theodore(theodore tugboat)

izumi asagi(pastel memories)

avery(rev and roll)

tsukasa hiiragi(lucky star)

dusty crophopper(planes)

sakura kinomoto(cardcaptor sakura)

sunshine(tugs)

ten cents(tugs)

lockette(pop pixies)

hay lin(w.i.t.c.h)

[academicweaponintraining]

restriction diary - day 4

today was such a good day! /srs

what i ate

oh snap pickles 🥒 30 cals (this literally made my stomach hurt so bad because i ate like a bag and a half and it was the first thing i ate all day)

peach monster 🍑 10 cals (monster always makes my stomach hurt but its so good so idc)

curry 🍛 guess: 500 cals (i ate wayy too much)

naan 🫓 200 cals

total: 740

notes

it's a lot less than yesterday so i'm happy about that

i still wish it was less, i wish i hadn't eaten naan so it would only be 540 cals

[monstersohmy]

Nina's Monster Diaries: Royo's Interlude

Pairing: Dr. Nina Ferris x GN!halfling

Warnings: none

A/N: Nina has a research partner who is also a fwb and possibly more. Probably more. Ok, def more. But, they know their boundaries and are trusting. Pics of both at the end.

“You started a book club with a gorgon.”

Royo, Nina’s colleague and partner, stared hard across the diner table. They were always striking with the glossy cream-hued horns curling back around pale turquoise braids framing a peachy toned face. At this time of day at this particular diner, Royo was radiant in the sunset. 

“I didn’t–  not really,” she protested. 

“You started a book club with a gorgon who ate you out. And you fucked a fawn,” Royo continued. “Also got fucked by who knows how many and what types of sea creatures-"

“I know what some of them were,” Nina pointed out. “One of them was some sort of octopus merperson. Another was . . . I don’t know . . . he washed up looking like a merman but scaled everywhere. Once the waves pulled back enough, he had legs and . . .  well . . .”

Royo’s eyes rolled.

“I didn’t mean to fuck any of them,” Nina’s head fell to her hands. “Royo, this study is getting out of control.” 

The server stopped at the end of the table, absently took their order without looking up from the pad and wandered away. Royo reached across the table to take the other’s trembling hand and stayed that way until the plates were lazily dropped on the table: sizzling burger for Nina and salads for Royo. 

Nina’s head snapped up at the scent of the burger and she took a lascivious bite out of it, hmmm-ing at the feel and taste of the patty which was well-seasoned and charred on the outside and juicy rare on the inside. Melted cheddar. Dill pickles. Perfection. 

Royo stared across the table, always disgusted by the carnivorousness yet always enamored with Nina’s unabashed enjoyment of it. Her unabashed love of everything. It wasn’t that the good doctor lacked self-control; rather, she just wanted to experience. In the years they'd known each other, this was the first time Royo had seen her express shame and uncertainty. Suddenly, they felt guilty about the line of questioning that had led to that. Nina deserved better.

“Remember how we met?” Royo asked. 

“At that folklore conference,” Nina said after a hearty swallow. “You looked sooo pissed during that panel about climate change and emerging mythology.”

“Because it was bullshit! The idea that . . . nevermind,” they stopped. “I didn’t see you at that panel. Then later at the mixer you walked right up to me and started talking. I don’t even remember about what. All I remember is that you were so passionate about it and ended with–”

“‘I wonder how it would feel to hook my legs around horns.” Nina turned bright red. “I barely recall what I was running off about, either. You were just so,” she waved her hand at Royo. 

“The point is that you were fearless. You are fearless,” Royo emphasized. “Stay you. Nina, I trust you. I trust you to always come back to me.”   

Relieved and recharged, the two delved fully into their meals and abandoned research talk for gossip. I always thought . . . wait . . .  that guy got tenure? He never even published! Social media doesn’t count. Are you–  oh, for god’s sake.

“So that’s what I’m up against,” Nina sighed, satiated by the meal and leaning back against the booth. “That asshat doesn’t even know the difference between a fossegrim and a troll.”

“Come on,” Royo smiled. “We’ll figure it out. Let’s go.”

At the register, the server finally looked up to take in Royo. His eyes went wide, mouth dropped, gum fell from his mouth. 

“What?” Royo snapped. “I’m going to a costume party.”

Normies believe anything if they hear the words costume party or cosplay.

Bill paid, the pair left and strolled hand in hand to the edge of town where Royo’s truck was parked with the tiny house trailing behind. Low lawn chairs were taken out and the two sat under the trees and stars, glasses of something Royo had procured in hand, pleasantly quiet. 

Nina, naturally, had to ruin it.

“How’s the project going?”

“Surprisingly well,” Royo said with some enthusiasm then calmed. “Let’s talk about it tomorrow. We’re both tired. Let’s turn in.”

Once settled in the thin, narrow bed, Royo cupped Nina’s face. It had been an itch and they had to know.

“The fawn,” Royo speculated. “Was it Silas?”

“Has everyone fucked Silas????” Nina choked.

“He is such a slut,” Royo laughed, drawing Nina up into a kiss. “Let’s see about getting my favorite slut more funding for her study. I’d like to be part of this gorgon book club.”

----------------------

Here's Nina:

And here's Royo:

[hotgemini]

Food diary𐬾❦

𝙱𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚏𝚊𝚜𝚝:

-Soja yogurt& half of a kiwi 🥝

(73 calories)

𝚂𝚗𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚜:

-2x dried fruits🍓🫐

(54 calories)

-monster zero

(11 calories)

𝙻𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚑:

-2x 100g pickles

(50 calories)

𝙳𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚛:

-Porridge 🥣

(250 calories)

𝚃𝚘𝚝𝚊𝚕:

500 calories ( It’s okay:)))!!!)

[c4ndy1d10t]

Freelance police au shit

Blaze: W-what happened...

Pickle: We caught you so to show proof YOU are the murderer we kidnapped you and invited everyone to our office to see you!

Blaze: WHAT?

Crusher: You heard him,dickhead,we found out who you actually are...You are a monster.

Pickle: I cant believe you were my idol!

Blaze: SHUT THE FUCK UP PSYCHOPATH!

Crusher: YOU SHUT BITCH! *points gun at blaze*

Blaze: What the fuck do you want?!

Crusher: Oh well,we are going to kill you darling...

Pickle: Hey Crusher can we first tell him what happened to his parents and sister?

Blaze: W-WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM?

Crusher: Oh they are in jail,not that much of a big deal,right?

Blaze: Shit...

Crusher: We also found your little diary!We found out you abused Aj,that you are an insane criminal and that you are so nice and kind for attention!

Blaze: HEY YOU WANT ATTENTION TOO!

Crusher: Oh you are so dumb...I only wanted to be loved because everyone hated me when i was a child but you,you just want attention,fame and fucking MONEY!Well...I think its time to kill you,without you the world isnt going to be in such danger with a CUNT like you so...Its the end of you.*shoots blaze*

Pickle: Nice shot,Crusher!

Crusher: Thanks lil buddy,wanna beat him up?

Pickle: HELL YEAH!

End of my shit

Btw thanks @briarthorne for this idea of them having a case to find a murderer!I might actually make a fanfic with this!

[daisies-write]

Daisies-write’s Prompt list

We’ll be adding more prompts eventually! :3 

"Hey... Could you come pick me up? Oh, where am I? ….The hospital-"

"Just a genuine question: How did you manage to set boiling water on fire?"

"My grandma sent this to me last week?... I have no idea what's inside." "... vegetables?"

"Say, have you ever wondered how the world would be if mac 'n' cheese was cheese 'n' mac?" "Go to sleep."

"hey, do you think I could make myself a paper copy of your secret diary from when you were younger?" "Do not touch misTER DIARY-"

"Honestly, you're a solid 2. I'm an 11." "Says the one who's covered in three tons of make-up."

"Di- did you just eat a spider?" "I was asserting dominance."

"do you believe in ghosts?" "No? Why?" "Hehe- no reason..."

"I wasn't expecting my first kiss to taste like pickles."

"Get down from there! You're going to fall!" "HAHA NOPE- *falls*"

"Your hands smell good." "WHY would you sniff my hands??"

"I think I've fallen in love with the smartest dumbest person on Earth and I'm not even sure how it's possible."

"May I kiss you on your cheeks and then on your forehead and on your chin and on the corners of your mouth and then ON your mouth?" "That was oddly specific but yes. Consent is sexy."

"*lifts person b's chin, worried* Who- who did this to you?" "I tripped on my untied shoelaces."

"What do we do when we're sad?" "F in the chat." "NO!"

"I could be in love with absolutely anyone in the entire universe but NO I CHOSE THIS DUMBASS!"

"If I said I Iove you, what would you think?"

"Imagine being an amazing, kind person that people can rely on" "Sorry, I can't."

"I really want to make cookies and have a sexy/cute moment with you but you don't want to get out of bed." "And I won't!"

"How are you still alive?" "I have no idea!"

"Smile for me, ______" "As you wish." "It's not an order. Do it only when you feel like it." "...I might die for my words, but I always feel like it in your presence my Lord/Lady"

"You know, if you keep doing that, we aren't going to McDonalds."

"Do you mind if I've fallen in love with you?” *Silence* "No please, continue."

"I would die for you." "You should be saying that to me, not your pizza."

"I LOVE YOU, OKAY? I LOVE YOU AND IT'S SCARING ME HOW I CAN’T CONTROL IT!"

"You're just using me for your entertainment! I’M NOT YOUR TOY!"

"I shouldn't have come back in your arms and I know it and you shouldn't feel like home and I know it but I'd die for you and you know it." "I know."

“When I fell for you, I was worried you’d get bored of me. Turns out I was right.”

“No, no, no, no- please. Stay with me.” “I’m sorry-”

“I’m just sick of giving everything and getting nothing back.”

“You scared me. I thought I was going to lose you. I can’t lose you”

“Don’t cry, please don’t cry. I can’t stand being the cause of your tears anymore.”

“I really feel like I’ve walked in the worst image of my entire life.”   “C’MON, IT’S NOT THE FIRST TIME YOU SEE ME NAKED!”              “My eyes...”

“WHERE’S MY PRE-MARRIAGE SINFUL HANDHOLDING YOU COWARDS!”

“I need a map of your eyes, I’m always getting lost in them.”          “Remind me why I fell for you again?”

“It’s okay, I’m here. Just breathe, there, there you go. Let it all out, I’m here for you.”

“You were totally jealous, weren’t you?”

“There’s something special between us.”                                                   “A wall.”

“Let’s destroy PATRIARCHY!”

“Do you want to steal the declaration of independence at noon or at 11 pm? I’m cool with both.”

“I will NEVER let you pass a daycare without me anymore.”

“Did you burn the kitchen again?”                                                           “For my defense, the microwave didn’t reply when I asked him where the spoon was.”

“I bought you this! I know you love my earrings so now we have matching pairs.”

“Why is _____ mad at you?”                                                                        “I didn’t let them have my cake.”

���I wish you didn’t have to be this way.”                                                        “I used to wish that, too.”

“HOW DID YOU BREAK MY BED?!”                                                          “I don’t know, I didn’t do it. It was an amazing trampoline by the way-”

“Just how did you get that injury?” “...Macarena and limbo at the same time is not a good idea.”

“The only reason I’m still alive is this cookie and this cookie only.”        “Yes, and totally not the fact that I keep saving your ass all the time.”

“Are you ticklish?”                                                                                “...Don’t you dare lay your filthy hands on me.”

“I SAID TO NOT GO TO BED WITH SOCKS ON-”                        “*moaning obnoxiously* SoOoOckS!”

“I want to sing Christmas songs.” “Please not at 3 am again.”  “I wanna sing Christmas songs at 3 am, now.”

“I am a vicious monster. My name sends fear through the spines of millions.”                                                                                                  “Aw, how cute!”

“I’m the one who messed up? Are you kidding me? You MADE me this way and I’M THE ONE WHO TAKES THE BLAME?!”

“The world can be soft at time but it’s cruel, painful and probably the most beautiful and mesmerizing thing in this whole universe. You feel a lot like the world to me, unfortunately enough.”                                   

“Aw c’mon, that’s not even funny!” “Believe me, seeing your face with whipped cream all over is extremely funny to me!”

“That’s me. I’m the top.” 

[errthel]

Route Two

This is my own fanfiction of @tri3tri 's Second Wife Au, but I'm actually not sure about one detail. In the route where Malleus was the one who took MC away from her lovely cottage, I think Lucien was also taken. But in the route where Maleficent was the one who took MC away, there wasn't any explicit saying that she also took Lucien or that he was born, but I just let my imagination run you know. So this is my flair of the Maleficent route of Second Wife AU.

That night when a tall woman took away his family was heavily ingrained into his mind. The fearful look on his mother's face as well as the ones his sister had forcefully rooted him behind the tree he was hiding behind.

The young boy couldn't breath, he was frozen for what seemed like an eternity. It wasn't until long after they left did he run.

He didn't know where to go, he ran and ran, and remembered his grandparents.

But the spiteful looks they had when they saw him and his sisters scared him.

The park that was near his family's cottage was open all day and night, and its rose garden provided the six year old boy comfort.

Once he reached the park, the skies turned pitch dark, if not for the street lamp, he would have been left in the black of the night without the comfort of his family. 

He heard the deep breeze of autumn as it lulled him into a deep sleep, uncaring if his body was shivering. He wanted to sleep and wake up from this nightmare.

The bright rays of the sun hit his dirty (h/c) hair. Even with the dirt from a few falls from last night's run, he still looked very good looking. Rubbing off the sand of his face with his small hands as well of dusting off the dirt on his shorts and shirt made him remember his mother. Always fretting when he fell down in their backyard. Her loving gaze as her hand gently rubbed of the soil. His sisters laughing in a light tone as they teased him for being a mama's boi.

The hand that rested on his shoulder as well as the looming shadow that was casted on him brought that fear he felt the night before.

"Lucien... where are your mother and sisters?" the deep gruff voice of his grandfather filled the atmosphere as Lucien's voice started to stick to his throat like honey

As he looked behind him, big fearful (e/c) eyes met sharp (e/c) ones. His grandfather's dark hair amplified his fear as it made him look even more intimidating, he still couldn't bring himself to talk about what had happen last night.

Lucien sharply looked down as tears threatened to spill from his eyes, his mouth clasped together to prevent any of his sobs to leave.

Why was he crying now? Why didn't he do it yesterday? The day he saw his family taken God knows where.

His breathing stopped when he felt his grandfather just lift him up and carry him, awkwardly patting his back as he felt him start to move.

The patting undid the young boy's last defenses, remembering when his mother did that to him, and he just started to bawl his eyes out, albeit silently still afraid of his maternal grandfather.

Somewhere during his grandfather's walk, Lucien's eyes could no longer take it as he was once again lulled into a deep sleep.

~

He could smell something good, food perhaps... He could feel the weight of the warm blanket as he observed the room he was in.

The ceilings were painted in a warm brown color, the bare walls were in an ivory tone as the dark colored bookshelves held a significant amount of books.

He didn't go far observing the room when the door was swung open, making him bring the blanket above his head.

The light footsteps wasn't like his grandfather's heavy ones, it was more like a womans, must have been his grandmother.

He could sense her placing a bowl or plate onto the side table as she shuffled to the bookshelf and pulling a book out before placing it on the side table.

Lucien only brought his head out when he heard the shutting of the door, looking over to the side table, he saw a tray full of food. It heavily surprised him as he was used to eating small portions due to his mother's meager income.

His eyes trailed to the book, it seemed like a journal and it made him wonder why his grandmother would give him this book. He tried reaching for the book before the grumbling of his stomach stopped him, so he just sat in an Indian sitting position to enjoy his food.

Giving thanks before tucking in his food was something his mother was adamant about, so he gave thanks and looked at the spread that he was given.

The warm grilled fish, the white rice, some pickled vegetables, a small bowl of soup, and a plastic cup that read 'coffee jelly' made him uncomfortable. He didn't know if he could finish it, but to at least thank his grandparents, he tried his best to do that.

Halfway into the meal, he could no longer take it, he felt a foreign feeling, as if his belly was about to burst. Lucien placed down the chopsticks to recover his belly by gently rubbing it.

"Already full?" the voice made Lucien almost jump out of his skin with a little shriek

He looked behind, his eyes as large as saucers as he looked at his grandmother.

She was a beautiful woman, around the age of forty-five, even then the glow of her pale skin and slightly chapped but pink lips brought a youthful look to her. Her (h/c) hair was put into a ponytail while she wore a frilly pink apron.

"Yeah..." unlike his grandfather, Lucien's grandmother was easier to converse with, but her anger knows no bounds as he experienced years ago

"My goodness, she really didn't feed you enough." her sigh as she berated her own daughter reminded Lucien of what she was actually capable of but he couldn't bear someone insulting his mother

"She didn't mean to! She had to feed my sisters as well... I'm fine with eating little..." his voice trailed off as he remembered his sisters

Would he be able to see them ever again? Play with them? He doesn't know...

"Did anything happen to her? Your sisters? Albert went to your house before he looked for you, he saw that it was burnt down." she had a pleading tone to her voice as she gently held his hands

"Ah- I-" his voice was stuck in his throat once more before he calmed down and finally answered, "A tall woman left with them, I wasn't taken because I hid behind a tree..."

"my dear boy... I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." she said as she hugged her grandson, her tears running down her face

"W-wh-why?" he managed to croak out, he wondered why they were angry when his mother met with them

"W-we were inconsiderate. I was disappointed and distraught... my daughter went missing for years and came back with children... I'm so sorry..." her incessant crying made Lucien unconsciously bring his hands to her back as he rubbed her back with his small hands

She let go but kept her hands on his, looking at Lucien she asked, "Can we make it up to you? Be the grandparents we were supposed to be?" her hazel eyes pleaded to the young boy who looked down for a moment

"I don't know..." expecting a hit or a shout for his ungratefulness he braced himself for it before he was surprised

"Take your time love."

Looking up, he saw his grandmother leave the room, her white dress trailing behind her. His eyes trailed to the tray, half-full of food, he took up the chopsticks once more and ate the remains of the food, holding back some tears.

His hand a took the unfamiliar plastic cup and he teared its covering before revealing a black gelatinous thing... he took the spoon and took a bite, cringing at its bitterness. He saw another smaller cup and hesitantly opened it, a sweet aroma wafting through, he poured the white liquid and tried again and melted at the taste. The bitterness paired with the delicate sweetness of the cream made his heart lift up into happier spirits.

Afterwards he took the journal onto his lap and started reading it. To his surprise it was his grandparents shared diary. Their thoughts when his mother went missing, their brokenheartedness when she didn't come home from school, the sadness they had each and every day she wasn't there, and their regret when they had let their anger take over when she came back with children.

Lucien felt tears in his eyes as he cried himself to sleep, his eyes were probably puffy from all his crying but he couldn't care less because all he can think of was his family...

~

Albert came home at dark, his wife sniffling as she came down with an empty tray in hand. Hugging her from behind, he rested his head on her shoulder, his dark locks rubbing against her exposed neck.

"Hanna... how is he?" his deep voice gently asking his significant other

"He's shaken, I broke down infront of him. I-I just can't face him without reminding myself of what I did years ago." she cried before she was stopped by her husband

"It wasn't just your fault. It was also my own. What we can do for Lucien is to be there for him and make it up for him, to support him, and to protect him." Albert said

"Our daughter was taken by someone, as well as our granddaughters... I can just feel like I failed for another time."

Soft snivles came from the woman as her husband stayed strong, the night before he found Lucien, they both received what could be called visions of what had happen to their daughter, intensifying their guilt.

Their daughter was brought into a magical world and was forced into a marriage she didn't desire with a monster, forced to bare his children and when she finally was able to escape another one came following after her, taking her and their granddaughters. Realizing their mistake, Albert went to apologize, but ended up finding a burnt cottage and in the park, a tired and dirty Lucien.

Lucien being the only grandchild they had left and they wanted to fix their past behavior and become better people, for Lucien's sake, for their daughter's sake, for Renata and Sherrie's sake, for their own sake...

~

[rewritingtrauma]

Preparing the ground

In the garden diary autumn is the time of year for; harvesting; for cutting back perennials; for sewing hardy winter and spring seeds and bulbs; and for mulching i.e. preparing the ground for the following year by laying sheets of this years old growth to decay and add to soil fertility. There’s a real sense, as we set out the pumpkins to cure and plant the seeds from this year’s pea and bean harvests, of one cycle coming to an end as another begins. In the Celtic calendar Samhain (the Autumn Equinox) was celebrated as the new year.  This resounds to me as I chop up the leaves of a fallen oak tree and this years’ bean plants for mulching... Also as I sort through the autumn harvests - drying, pickling, cooking, freezing and jam making - preparing food for the winter months and storing seeds for the following spring: one phase winding up, another beginning, entering a time of dark and secret inner development before the new growth of spring... 

I find this time a useful, encompassing metaphor for another kind of shift. This one is something more emotional, psychological - Of letting go of what no longer serves us that we can prepare for the next phase. It’s a strange kind of coincidence that this realisation also happens to be concurrent with the anniversary of one of the single most traumatic experiences of my life. I’m not going to talk to that but I am going to talk to the turning of the wheel of the year.

Last week I had an encounter with someone a little older and much wiser than myself. Though we didn’t know about one another’s histories (we have only had the most fleeting of exchanges before then) we somehow got onto talking about family violence and parental neglect. My friend told me about how her father was an alcoholic, how he had tyrannised her mother, and how my friend as a teenager had become increasingly angry with her mother for not defending herself and her family. It was all so very, very familiar. My friend told me about how she hadn’t cried after her father died. But then she told me about the shift... It was several years after her father had drunk himself to death when my friend went on a silent retreat. She described the intensity of 10 days of silence in the company of strangers. She described how time slowed down as she and the other women around her had to observe and navigate one another, allowing space and time because there were no expressions for intention, want or thought. She described how everyone looked so unhappy. But then something happened on the 9th day of silence - my friends’ tears came. 

As my friend described what happened her body language seemed to shift- she softened, she opened up, her voice lost the quiver I had heard as she talked about her childhood. My friend told me how a fond memory of her father, a gentle act of creative kindness, had appeared spontaneously one evening as she sat alone in her bedroom. This memory then became a fissure through which my friends’ grief then poured: the grief for a father she could have had; for a person more complicated and nuanced than the singular monster; for the death of someone she might have known and loved more. My friend told me how - in order to preserve and protect her anger and the iniquities she had suffered - she had only been able to focus on the negative memories and feelings but that once she started to turn her attention and energy towards the positives (however few they may be) that she unlocked her grief. And with that she started to forgive her father and, in doing so, to heal the wounds of the past and present. 

When we have been damaged by someone or something, particularly when it is a repeated, long term damage, our amygdala forms a pattern of reactivity. This is helpful when we are amidst the violence being committed to our bodies and beings - it’s what means we can fight, flee or freeze to protect ourselves in that instant. The problem is that, when that danger has passed but we are triggered by another situation, we go back into that place of life-preserving fight, flight or freeze (sometimes a combination of those). This often manifests longer term as Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), a condition which is often overlooked or even misdiagnosed for one of the many other symptomatic behaviours/conditions which can be a part of this (depression, anxiety, personality disorders, various physical health problems, for example). What my friend was describing was the beginning of the examining and unlocking her own CPTSD. This isn’t easy. And it’s not something that, once you recognise is a thing, you then get on “the path to recovery”, forgive your abusers and walk into the sunset a happier, healthier, more productive and well rounded human being. It is a fucking epic journey (one which may never be resolved). And it is, quite simply, not possible for everyone. But what my friend was telling me - as she talked about how she now ends her daily meditation practice with a fond memory of her father - was that we can change our narrative and, in doing so, change ourselves. That change isn’t denying the harms which were done, it isn’t destroying or denying our past selves, but it is harvesting the old and dead (that which no longer serves us) in order to make mulch for new growth... 

I am making a commitment, this Samhain, to let go of what no longer serves me. Because, though it has protected me in the past, here and now it only serves to stoke my rage, my anxiety, and my sense of victimhood. I know I will never forget the awful things done to me, my family and friends, but perhaps, with time and a lot of patience, I can start to forgive*, to heal, and to make my relationships of the present and future that much less volatile (that much less conditioned by the ghosts of the past). 

Ha! It’s easier said than done, I am sure! I’ve even had to prefix forgiveness! But I am daring to give it a try... Small steps... With compassion for when I fail... 

With love,

Ix

* at least the harm done to me. I doubt I will, or have the willingness, to ever forgive what was done to those closest to me. 

[kumeko]

A/N: For the Chaldeas Grand Road Trip Zine (on Twitter)! The basic premise was to write diary entries from Mash’s PoV, talking about her worldwide vacation (with Senpai and all the servants, of course!). I got assigned the Food section (did they know I’m a glutton? XD). I tried to inject the premise in the story, so it should be understandable even without reading the others/seeing the pictures.

Summary: Dear Diary, I never knew the world could be so big. That it could have so many people and places and things to do. It’s one thing to fight your way across a singularity, another to take the time to enjoy yourself. I think I like having a vacation. From, Mash

…

…

…

…

Road Trip Day: X

There are so many things to see and do in the world! I mean, I knew that before we went on vacation; traveling with Senpai to the singularities showed me that much. You can’t go to Rome, Egypt, or cross the entire United States without realizing that. But most of our journey was spent fighting monsters and servants; we’re so busy saving the world we didn’t really get time to explore.

 Well, I did explore little, but you can't tell Senpai that. Not that you can, you're just a digital log entry…I'll just have to make sure Senpai doesn't see this myself. They can't know I gave anything less than 100% to helping them out, no matter how interesting the winding roads were.  

 Now that we aren’t in a hurry, I’ve just realized how big the world is. Normally we’re running from place to place (or being catapulted from place to place, I really hope we don’t do that again) and with a Servant’s speed, it didn’t take that long to cross entire countries. The cars we’re using now are slower; Da Vinci said she wanted a leisurely trip. Every time I look out the window, the scenery is so different—I never knew there could be so many different kinds of cities or even trees. Every time I blink, I miss something.

Last night, Da Vinci pulled out a map and put pins on all the places we’ve gone to. Amazingly, that’s just a tiny fraction of the world! One day, I would like to see every city on that map. With Senpai, of course. I wonder if they like travelling? Ishtar happened to be floating by and she declared we needed to eat out more often. I think Romani was trying to save money by having Emiya cook. When I told her that, she snorted and said we had royalty and gods with us, so money wasn’t an issue. (I don’t think that’s true.) She also said that no matter how good a cook Emiya was, we needed to try new things. Later, I’ll tell Emiya that a goddess complimented his cooking. I’m sure that’ll make him happy!

 Funnily enough, Hokusai poked her head in and agreed with Ishtar. She pulled out these little sculptures she’d made (I guess she’s not only a painter) and placed them on the board at the places she wanted to visit. Apparently, Paris is a great place to eat. And to pick up women, but I’m sure Senpai won’t do that.

 Probably.

 Well, even if Senpai did, they have their hands full with all of us. I’m not sure it was a great idea to go on vacation with every servant, but Senpai didn’t want to leave anyone behind. They’re really admirable but I’m worried about their health. It must be exhausting keeping us all around. I’ll have to make sure to keep an eye out for them. Maybe one day I can pay them back, impress them like they’ve impressed me.

 The little figurines Hokusai made are really cute! There’s one for the Eiffel Tower, the Leaning Tower, and the Pyramids. Shuten put down one that was shaped like a wine glass on Italy and said we had to go there. Italy is filled with many, many vineyards and “we can’t miss even one delectable ambrosia,” as she put it. Excited, Da Vinci started booking some tours, but Romani quickly vetoed the whole thing. I think he regretted saying anything immediately, since all four servants glared at him.

 Now that I’m remembering it, I might have to protect him. Shuten is an assassin, after all.

 When we started talking about food, it was funny how red Ishtar got after all of her suggestions. Apparently, she really wanted to eat burgers. The second she said that, she looked at everyone like she was waiting to be insulted, saying that she knew a goddess shouldn’t eat such poor food. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it myself.

Shuten said she wanted to have some Baijiu. Romani started to point out that it was alcohol too but the second she looked at him, he shut up…

 I am definitely checking up on him when I’m done writing. Maybe Senpai and I can sleep with him tonight, just to make sure nothing happens.

 “Obviously, I’ll have pasta,” Da Vinci said, but I’m pretty sure she’s going to find a way to go to those vineyards. Houksai said she was fine eating anywhere there were beautiful people so she wanted to go to a runway in Milan to eat. Maybe we’ll get to see a fashion show too, that would be really interesting!

 It’s funny, but Archer is such a good cook, I sometimes forget that even he can’t cook everything. Even with Tamano Cat and some of the other servants pitching in to help, there are a lot of dishes we don’t get at Chaldea. I think I want to try eating some of the curries in India; we don’t really get spicy food that often. Hopefully, my tongue won’t burn too much.

 I wonder what Senpai wants to eat?

 -Mash

  Road Trip Day: X

Remember that map I talked about before? Well, we got to fulfill Ishtar’s dreams first! America’s huge, far bigger than any of the other countries we’ve been to. I should have expected that when we criss-crossed the country before, for that singularity, but there’s something still very impressive about it. Every place here looks so different from one another and somehow they all fit in one country! And the roads are so long, somehow we can go for hours without seeing a major city.

 Anyways, when we stopped for lunch today, we got burgers. Emiya wrinkled his nose when we entered, but he didn’t say anything. I think he’s feeling a little jealous these days since he hasn’t had to cook much. When we get back, I’ll make sure to ask him for food.

 The restaurant was a big place, with plenty of booths to sit in, but no place is big enough to fit all of us in it. Artoria practically dashed to the counter and immediately ordered every burger on the menu. Senpai looked at the queue of sabers and said that we should take turns, so the place wasn’t entirely overwhelmed. Considering how much Camelot’s King eats, in all of her forms, I thought Senpai’s plan was doomed to fail from the start. Don’t tell Senpai that, though. They’re trying their best to make sure we all have an equally fun vacation.

 Despite Senpai’s suggestion, Mordred joined the queue of Artorias, looking really happy that she could eat with her fathers. I wonder what she thinks about having so many dads, it must be complicated.

 Ozymandias and Cleopatra weren’t really interested in eating commoner’s fare, as they put it. They opted instead to dine with Gil and Iskander and they had a picnic outside. I think they missed out, personally, but I can see why they didn’t want to come. Can you imagine Gil eating a burger, ketchup dripping down his hands, mustard on his lips? He’d destroy the restaurant and us in it.

 Nitocris looked really nervous when the other pharaohs asked her to join them. She said yes but kept playing with her hands and looking away at us. There was something really frantic about the way she did that. Thinking it was a secret message, I winked and gave her a thumbs up. It must have been the wrong thing because she looked really depressed after that. Luckily, Senpai was much better at reading minds because they asked Nitocris to join us. Even then, Nitocris hesitated until Ozymandias clapped her on the back, pushing her forward. He asked her to tell him what commoners ate these days. Wouldn’t it be better if he just joined us then?

 Still, he, Cleopatra, and Nitocris look really close. Hopefully I’ll be that close with Senpai too one day.

 Sheba joined us as well. I wonder why, she didn’t seem like the type to like such places. By the time we got in, the staff looked exhausted. Ishtar was worried but luckily they still had food left. Did they know that they fed royalty and gods today?

 There were so many burgers on the menu, I didn’t know what to pick. Nitocris kept muttering under her breath how she had to pick the most dignified burger. How do you decide what a ‘dignified burger’ is? Ishtar didn’t have any issues; she ordered three different ones with extra fries and double patties. When we looked at her, she huffed and said she wanted to try multiple ones and “I’m a goddess, I can eat whatever I want to! Stop judging me!”

 I wasn’t judging her!

 Senpai picked a simple burger and I copied them. That way, we could compare later.

 The servers kept staring Sheba the whole time. Actually, everyone kept staring at her. Sometimes they’d look at Ishtar and Nitocris but then they’d go back to her. I wonder what part was stranger: her clothing or her ears? I’ve gotten used to it by now, but I keep forgetting it’s not normal everywhere else.

 The burgers they gave us were huge! I could barely fit my hands around them and ketchup and pickles kept falling out of the bun. It was a messy, messy meal. By the end of it, Senpai’s hands were covered in ketchup and pickle juice and there was a stain on her shirt. Oddly enough, Sheba didn’t have any issues. While I kept having small nibbles, she ate the whole thing in big, quick bites. I guess she was really hungry.

 Oh, Senpai’s calling me! We have to do laundry today so our clothes don’t stain.

 -Mash

  Road Trip Day: X

 Karna and Arjuna were at it again today. Well, ‘at it’ makes it sound like they always fight, which isn’t exactly the case. They’re old friends (kinda, at least I don’t think they’re rivals anymore) and they often are on the opposite sides of things. Actually, putting it like that really makes it sound like all they do is fight. But they don’t argue like, say, Nero and Elizabeth.

 No one fights like those two.

 Karna came out of nowhere and asked Senpai if he could take them out for lunch. With all that Senpai’s done for him, he wanted to show a little gratitude and give something back. He’s so considerate! Of course, Senpai being Senpai, they said that it wasn’t needed (they’re so kind!), but Karna insisted. As we headed out, Arjuna appeared and asked if he could treat me! I think he didn’t want to be one-upped by Karna but I haven’t really done anything to get any thanks. When I said that, he shook his head and said that I helped out a lot. That without me, Senpai might not have made it as far as they did.

 I’d never thought about it like that. While I’m sure Senpai would have figure something out, I’m glad to think I was of some use.

 Senpai and I were dragged to a diner, and Jinako tagged along because she thought it looked fun. The diner was very old. Or at least, it seemed really old. It looked like something from an old movie, where boys in gelled hair and leather jackets ask out girls in pretty pink dresses. You might be wondering how I know about that—Senpai and I have been watching movies lately! They wanted to share their favourites with me, especially after they found out I didn’t really watch that many movies before now. Actually, I haven’t read that many books either. Maybe I can ask Senpai for their favourite books too.

 The one we watched recently was filled with dancing, singing teenagers. I spent most of lunch hoping Senpai would ask me dance, but they didn’t understand my hints. I’ll try again next time.

 The diner had a checkered floor and our shoes clicked as we made our way to a booth. There was a really warm atmosphere to the place, cozy-like, and I wanted to curl up with a mug of hot chocolate. Arjuna ordered an ice cream sundae; it came in a long glass and looked like a flower. It was very pretty. And tasty—Arjuna almost gulped it all down. Only when his head hurt did he stop. I think that was his first brain freeze.

 The item on the menu that caught my eye was a chicken and waffle sandwich. They use waffles instead of bread! It was weird; waffles are for breakfast! You have them with syrup! But I was having them with fried chicken and it would have been weird to add syrup to that. Still, it didn’t taste that bad. I think I might try it again.

 Karna wasn’t going to order anything but Senpai forced him too. He always looks so surprised when we worry over him; I’ll have to remind him more often how important he is! As considerate as ever, Karna ended up ordering a platter with chili and sandwiches and shared it with Jinako.

 While we ate, old music played. There was a machine in the diner called a ‘jukebox’. If you put a coin in it, it’ll play a song. It had a limited selection of music and most of the songs were old hits. Apparently, this was how people used to listen to music, before they had cellphones. Senpai said the music was very nostalgic. I didn’t understand how, but I was glad Senpai liked it!

 When the bill came, Arjuna and Karna kept tugging back and forth on it. Both of them insisted that they should be the one to pay, that it was their treat. In the end, Senpai grabbed the bill and said it was their treat now. Karna argued that we shouldn’t waste a dime on someone like him, but that only made Senpai mad. They growled that if Karna every said anything like that again, he was going to help Emiya in the kitchens for a month.

 Considering how much the Artorias eat, I wouldn’t wish that one anyone.

 I’m going to watch another movie with Senpai tonight. I wonder what they’ll pick this time.

 -Mash

  Road Trip Day: X

 Hokusai must have been very happy today, as we are in Paris! I didn’t see her all day so I think she was out drawing people. Or picking up women. I hope it’s not the latter. Da Vinci told her earlier that if she wanted to paint a beautiful person, then she should just draw her. Hokusai said she didn’t want to draw anyone that old.

 It was a horrific fight. If Hokusai brings back anyone, they’ll be in danger.

 There were so many things to see here! There was the Eiffel Tower--we climbed the stairs since the elevator was so long. Senpai looked exhausted after that and I offered to carry them on my back. Unfortunately, they declined. The view from there was nice, especially as we got higher and higher. Jeanne D’Arc offered to translate for us since all of the tourist information was written in French. She was like a knight in shining armour. I’ll have to study that when we get home.

 After that, we went to the Louvre since it was nearby. Did you know there was a glass pyramid there? It’s a lot smaller than the real ones but it is completely see-through. Inside it there’s an escalator that takes you down to buy tickets and enter the museum. It’s kinda like being in a spy movie, with secret entrances and hidden rooms!

 None of the pharaohs looked impressed by the pyramid. Actually, Nitocris was really excited at first, declaring that Egypt had successfully conquered Paris. Ozymandias stepped in then, crossing his arms and sneering at the pyramid. Apparently it was too small to be considered anything worth while, a terrible imitation of a pyramid. Cleopatra declared it wasn’t cute enough. I didn’t know pyramids could be cute.

 That’s when Marie Antoinette stepped in. Unable to take it anymore, she announced that we were going to see France in all her glory. Starting with brunch, of course. As the queen of the country, it was her duty to show us all of the beauty of Paris, from food to the arts. Or so she said—I don’t think they were really insulting France, but she was so enthusiastic about it that I didn’t want to stop her.

 We ate at a restaurant where we could see the Louvre. There, we got an amazing spread of cheese, croissants, puffed pastries, and other French treats. For just a little while, I could see what it was like to be queen. Did Marie eat this every day, I wonder? What did the pharaohs have? When we go to Egypt, I’ll ask them to take Marie and us out.

 I liked the tarts the best. They were soft, fruity, and with a little hint of sugar sprinkled on top. If only we could have one every day for breakfast. Senpai’s a messy eater, so a light coating of sugar ended up on their nose. Sadly, they wouldn’t let me wipe it off. Nitocris kept playing with the crossiants—she put one on one of her Medjeds, saying that they now had a French hairstyle. The pastry was really flaky (and buttery!), I hope the Medjeds can wash themselves.

 Cleopatra looked the happiest to be there, even happier than Nitocris, which I didn’t think was possible. She kept trying different treats, taking a bite out of everything she saw. If she didn’t like it, she slipped it under the table for a Medjed to take. Senpai said that that was what it was like to have a pet dog. I’ll try that with Fou next time.

 Out of all of them, Ozymandias was the least interested in the food. Despite Marie’s best attempts, he preferred to drink wine instead. At 11 am, I think it was too early to drink (though Shuten probably would be on his side). He kept swirling his glass, looking out the window at the pyramid. In the end, he declared that while the pyramid was still substandard, the wine was not. That there was some value to France, after all.

 Marie didn’t seem to like that at all. I think she wanted him to like the food too. After this, she’s going to take us out to more places like her former palace! If it’s anything like the Louvre, it’ll be huge. My feet are still sore from walking through the giant museum. They had everything in there; I didn’t see even a fraction of all the paintings and sculptures they have. I’m not sure if I can take a second palace that big.

 -Mash

  Road Trip Day: X

 While we spent most of our trip inside proper hotels (Romani says it’s because it’s a vacation and we deserve the best, but sometimes I look at Da Vinci and I’m not sure that’s the real reason), today we went camping. It’s really dark right now and I’m writing this in front of a slowly dying campfire. I feel like I’m a pioneer, only without the quill ink and paper scroll. We’ve been in cities so much and something’s always happening at home, so I kind of forgot what it’s like when it’s quiet. Like it used to be, back when it was just me, Romani, and Da Vinci. There aren’t too many servants awake right now and while I feel like I’m in the middle of a tent city, it also feels like I’m the only person in the world right now.

 It’s kind of hard to describe why. The fire’s crackling softly and I can hear all sorts of wild animals in the distance. Hooting owls, chattering raccoons, the rustle of squirrels running through the trees. If I look up, the stars spread endlessly above me. I could stare at them for hours. They make me feel small.

 I might have spent too much time with Murasaki; I’m starting to sound like a poet!

 Bunyan was very happy that we’re camping. Forests like this one are her home and she wanted to sharpen her blade on some nearby trees. Senpai stopped her, saying that they couldn’t do that in a national park. Romani looked very relieved when she agreed; I think he wanted to stop her too.

 We had breakfast for dinner tonight. It was so strange! Instead of our usual meal, we had pancakes. There was something funny about eating pancakes in the middle of the night, before I sleep instead of when I wake up. This time, since we weren’t near any restaurants, Emiya volunteered to cook our pancakes. He might have missed running the kitchen, though he really should take the time for a break too.

 Abigail was very happy to have pancakes. She and Shuten sat down next to Bunyan, who was making her own pancakes. Apparently Emiya’s pancakes weren’t light and fluffy enough for her. I didn’t think Shuten would be that interested in pancakes, but she eagerly took one of Bunyan’s. Then she poured a bottle of sake on it.

 I have had pancakes before. You’re supposed to use syrup on it, not alcohol! Does it even taste good that way? Well, Shuten thought so at least. She sighed happily with each bite. With her plate (that was more like a bowl), she practically drowned the pancake in alcohol. Abigail watched her the entire time and when she got her second pancake, she asked if she could also have some. Shuten was feeling really generous, so she started to pour it on Abigail’s and Bunyan’s.

 I wonder if Shuten just wanted someone to drink with, especially since we didn’t go to a vineyard? I won’t tell Romani about this. She wanted to give me some sake too, but Senpai happened to be nearby and stopped her before she could. Now I’m curious to know what that tastes like.

 Even without sake, the pancakes were delicious. They were so soft and fluffy, they almost melted on my tongue with the sweet, sugary maple syrup. I ended up getting thirds. After that, we made smores. They’re made by combining chocolate, marshmallows, and crackers. When they’re made right, they just melt into each other. Senpai and Bunyan were good at that. I’m not. I kept burning the marshmallows or they’d melt off my stick and hit the ground. We’re camping for a few more days, hopefully I’ll get it right next time. As kind as ever, Senpai gave me some of their smores.

 It was the sweetest dessert I’ve ever had.

 Oh, I heard a coyote! I think I’ll stop writing here today, I want to spend a little time just sitting here, listening.

 -Mash

  Road Trip Day: X

 After all the food we ate, I want to try to make something for everyone. Nothing big, I’m not good enough at cooking for that yet. It’s just that…well, we went to so many places and tried so many different foods…I guess you can say I’m feeling inspired! Our vacation isn’t over yet, so I can’t cook at Chaladea’s big kitchen, but maybe I can make a tiny meal for Romani, Da Vinci, and Senpai.

 We’re in Singapore. When I told him what I was doing, Astolfo said he wanted to tag along. Apparently he likes to visit different markets and sample food. That way, he can have a little bit of everything. While Astolfo is usually very cheerful, his voice was quieter and sadder when he said that. One of his friends didn’t get to see much of the world, so he wants to experience it for him. Maybe he’s keeping a diary too, filling it up with stories and pictures like I am. I hope one day he can share it with his friend. It’d be nice if they could travel together.

 Sometimes I’ve seen him and Jeanne talking together. They don’t like exactly sad, but they aren’t happy either. Maybe they both miss the same friend. Next time, I’ll ask her to join us—it’d be great if they could make some happy memories too.

 Singapore is a small country, more like a giant city than a country really. It’s so easy to travel here even without Da Vinci’s help—the public transit takes you everywhere. The ground is really clean too, I haven’t seen a place like that since we went to Kyoto. There was a sign on the subway that said we couldn’t take any durians on it. I made sure not to use that.

 The hardest part of today was choosing what market to visit. There are several different cultures here, so there are many unique markets. There’s an Indian market, with the scent of spices wafting through the hair. There’s a Chinese market, filled with brightly coloured stalls and small pop up shops. There’s a Malaysian market and, well, there’s just a lot of places to buy food here! Even when you go to the mall, there were markets in the basement to buy food. We went through one that had narrow corridors and dozens of small shops trying to sell snacks to us. It was hard to walk, not just because of the space, but also because I didn’t know where to look. Luckily, Astolfo was used to this, so he led me from shop to shop, asking for samples. I don’t think I could have done that on my own; I would have felt guilty for not buying anything after.

 It’s impossible to list everything we ate, but I’ll try! There were dumplings: fried, boiled, stuffed with pork, beef, shrimp, covered in sauce or covered in nothing. We had a chili crab, which was a bit hot. There was a famous chicken curry from a small shop that apparently had a Michelin star! It was kind of funny, I was going to a world-famous restaurant but I didn’t have to dress fancy. The line for that one was long. We had Kaya jam on toast—I don’t think I’m fond of it, but it was something different.

 Astolfo actually had a list of signature dishes he wanted us to try. He must have done a lot of research before we left for this trip. I think I might have eaten too much; even now, hours later, I’m full. I don’t need dinner tonight.

 The nice thing was that a lot of food could be eaten while we walked. Astolfo grinned at me when I ate grilled eel, and said it was nice to travel with others for once. He called it a date—I would have dressed up nicer if I’d known! He’s far prettier than me. Everyone kept turning to stare at him when we passed by. I’m sure even Senpai would have looked at him if they were here.

 Emiya had given us a list of things to buy while we were out. Mangos, apples, a selection of crabs—I think he’s going to try to make a dish from Singapore. Some of the items on the list were new to me, I wonder what they taste like. While I expected to see many new sights when we travelled, I didn’t think about all the new sounds, tastes, and smells I’d experience too. This journey has been a lesson in just how vast the world is, and just how much of it I didn’t know anything about. How much I still don’t know now, even after all that we’ve done.

 It’s nice. There’s still so much to do. I don’t think I can ever get bored.

 Anyways, while I can’t eat dinner, this doesn’t mean Senpai, Da Vinci, or Romani will be skipping it! It’s almost dinner time and I need to start cooking. To be honest, it’s kind of intimidating to eat all the delicious food here and then try to make something. Maybe I can ask Emiya for some tips.

 -Mash

[shonaktiediens]

Today's food diary (planned):

- breakfast:

50 cl pepsi max (3kcal)

- Lunch:

50 cl Monster energy ultra (12 kcal)

- dinner (sadly unskippable)

125g burger patty ( 270 kcal)

55g burger bun ( 159kcal)

2 pickles ( 8kcal)

Normally we eat it with potatoes but I don't want any so I'll see if I can get away with not having any.

Total: 459kcal

Total burnt by bicycle: approx 489kcal

How much below my TDEE (light activity): 1630

How much below my BMR (including activity): 1549

[pinkytoeofmypig]

INSIDE OF PRO-ANA

(from a perspective of a recovered ed blog owner)

TW: EATING DISORDER, DEPRESSION, AND SELF-HARM

Hi Tumblr! I’ve opened my first blog about three years ago. It got quite popular for a little amount of time. I had 20-30k followers. All of those people watched me get sicker every day. All of those people read my tips, got inspired by my sweetspo, meanspos, tried my original diets. (I am the creator of the math diet) I’ve ruined lives. I’ve ruined little girls' lives because I was trying to inspire myself. Now my 30k followers and I are scarred for life.

I taught them to purge, chew and spit, and eat so many goddamn pickles until their stomach gets hurt. I showed my body to them for inspiration. My followers saw my skinny body with cuts on my arm and my smiling face. Maybe they thought “Oh, this is my goal. Maybe cutting yourself isn’t that bad. It looks like it helps to fight the pain.” There were people who met anorexia because of me. Even some of my closest friends saw my blog and started counting calories.

When I first started to get into the “ana” community, I deluded myself with the posts. I was very well aware of the side effects, it didn’t stop me. My real self, logic was trapped under my brain, and on top of that sat the dark cloud of every anorexic thought ever. My grades dropped so quickly that even now I can’t fix it. Hell, I was the first in class...

Your first scroll through the darkest fog of self-hatred. You see skeletons. You see challenges, diaries, body checks, recipes with artificial sweeteners. It’s all front of you. You want to be hot, you want to have attention. You want to hear “Are you okay?” from your friends. Maybe you have body dysphoria. You want to look like a boy but you have wide hips. Maybe you were that ugly kid when you were growing up. So you scroll... Your brain processes all the information and swallows it whole. Now it’s a part of you. It’s like a cancer cell. Growing and killing every other thing that gets in its way. You restrict yourself. Telling yourself that you will be a disappointment if you keep eating, that you are ugly, disgusting, you are never enough. You see skinny people all around you. You hear someone saying “Oh my god, you are so skinny, you are the most beautiful girl in this room.” to your friend. They didn’t say it to you. Why? Because you are not. You are not the most beautiful person in that room. So you should be the ugliest one. That’s what I thought in my freshman year.

You need to recognize the fact that not everything is binary. There’s no 1-0 system in perception. “If you are not looking like a skeleton, you are disgusting.” This is so idiotic. Get a hold of yourself. Don’t you really know what you are capable of? Don’t you know what incredible things you could do if you don’t constantly think about your food? Oh, I know some answers to that question. “I will stop when I hit my weight goal and start working on my future.” or “I am not capable of anything. The least I can do is to be skinny and fit in the society’s standards.” First of all, there is no weight goal. Every time you look in the mirror, there will be no changes. You’ll still feel fat. You’ll see yourself getting bigger and bigger even though you are only getting sicker. Secondly, this is the depression talking. The depression appears because of the lack of energy. Your body needs food to be happy. I can’t stress this enough. You have your own talents and way of thinking. When it all comes down together and you stop being bullet head, you’ll be a micro-god.

This is a sign. You are being mind-controlled by the most hideous monster. Society. I know the real you is somewhere inside. I am talking to the real you. If you are still reading, that means there’s still a part of you that does not like to be punished by starvation. I am here for you. Recovery is a war inside your brain. You’ll relapse a lot. Still, here we are. You know what? There’s something that will make you feel better. When I won the war, I didn’t gain a lot. The scale went up, yes. But my body never changed. In fact, I feel more skinny than ever. I’m not lying. The only thing that changed was my perception. My body dysmorphia went away. I made a friend who love and support me and that was all I need. When you really bond with someone like that, you don’t care about others. And a little reminder: Nobody actually cares whether you lost or gained a pound or two. Nobody notices. They all have their lives ahead of them. You don’t have any place in your acquaintances' minds. Sorry for the harsh truth. They will never care about you no matter what size you are. You need to care about yourself. It’s no other than you. It’s your life. Stop making it hell.