#platonic life partnerships

[lilyginnyblackv2]

Now that Buddy Daddies is finished, I’m gonna say it: SPOILERS!

Buddy Daddies really is for the aces, aros, queerplatonic partners, and platonic life partners out there. 

I know, 100%  that there are going to be some people out there that are going to say, “See! It really was just queerbait all along” or some who are going to bemoan the fact that there were no declarations of romantic love or kiss or whatever. I’m sure this part right here:

Miri: “Didn’t you slip out yesterday to go drinking with a girl again?” 

Caused some frowns and I do get it. Because of this, the queerbait and Kazuki and Rei are just friends dialogue will continue and follow the series around. But, this episode has made it clear that Kazuki and Rei love not only Miri, but each other as well.

They are a work partners (相棒 - aibou)

They are partners raising a child together. (相方 - aikata).

They’ve moved (I’m pretty sure their diner is in Okinawa for reasons I’ll get to in another post), they’ve opened a business together, one which has a part of Kazuki’s last name in it (来栖 - Kurusu is his last name, the 栖 (su) part of his name means “nest.”), and Rei’s words to his father: Miri, Kazuki, and I share a bond stronger than blood. 

They are a family. They love each other.

Of course, friends can be a part of a family. Friends can love each other, but there are also reasons why people who are in situations like co-parenting, queerplatonic relationships, platonic life partnerships, and etc. don’t refer to their bonds as friendships and the people they are co-parenting or in a partnership with as their friends, but as words that give some space for those grey areas in-between.

Friendships are strong, deep, and beautiful. Platonic love is love and is powerful.

But, there are definitely still different sets of expectations and boundaries that come with friendships vs. other relationship dynamics. 

Kazuki and Rei’s situation falls outside of the usual friendship expectations and boundaries and sits somewhere between that, family and partnership.

I know this topic has been talked to death about. But, I felt like I needed to write about and address it one final time since Buddy Daddies has come to an end (though, who knows about a potential Daughter Daddies!) Especially after Miri’s line to Kazuki. (I feel I could also go into open relationship dynamics, polyamorous relationships, and etc. but that feels like it would be derailing). 

Basically, I just wanted to get one final post out on this. I was very pleased with this ending episode. It made my heart so happy and warm, and I know I’ve said it before, but this series really speaks to me as someone who is aroace. Aroace characters and our relationship dynamics have basically no rep, so even if this series wasn’t intended to be written with a queerplatonic relationship dynamic in mind, they ended up writing a beautiful depiction of one that makes me and what I would want from a relationship of some kind, finally feel seen.

[newsifindinteresting]

Article: BFFs, but make it official: The rise of platonic life partnerships

BFFs, but make it official: The rise of platonic life partnerships

[aroplatonic]

having a purely platonic life partnership slaps. friends but I hope we grow old together and have a garden

[thoughtfulchaos773]

Syd is his everything. The naysayers use the word platonic or mentor student to dismiss Syds role in his life. To downplay it.

BTW, Tina asked Carmy for a signature at the wrong time. I would have loved to see Carmys face as syd opens the gift.

[relaxxattack]

every time someone calls moirallegience just an alien qpr i wilt a lil like YEAH thats more or less the CLOSEST human thing but its also Literally Not That. like a qpr is fundanmentally not romantic and thats not even going into moirails whole Actual Purpose of calming ppl down. its just. aughhhhh pisses me off i see the confusion but, as aformentioned, aughhhhh

OH MY GOD THIS HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME TOO.... but i don't want to get petty at the people in my notes always saying "moirails are QPRs!" because in some ways that is the closest human thing so it's hard to be mad...

i think there's definitely some overlap in some ways. but NOT because moirallegiance and qprs are the same at all really, but INSTEAD because both relationships have unconventional boundaries defined by the people within them.

you know... like every relationship.

like the only reason the two have overlap is because they are both partnerships that emotionally care for each other but can choose to not bang (which is true for any romance anyway, even if it's considered abnormal). they're both just romances* that are unconventional to human norms, which makes people view them as the same thing when they're not.

i think the REAL issue here is that humans insist on using human words to understand things that are just, fundamentally, alien. can't we just appreciate alien romance for being... alien romance?

no, it's not platonic, it's romantic. it's just romantic in a way you aren't quite wired to understand, is all.

*in generalization, most QPRs are not romantic, because they are made up of aroaces who are life partners in a non-romantic way. however i want to disagree with you that none of them are romantic, because that is up to the partners in question.

[biblicalhorror]

Aroace Riz real but also Fabian is SO clearly in love with him and Riz has no idea

[iaxsl]

zoro loves luffy. he didn't know it was love until two years later. the realization happened suddenly. an oh moment that he's only heard about from perona when she would force him to listen to her rants on some new novel she was reading. he didn't know love could feel so light, carefree, simple. however, should he have expected it to feel any different? especially when the person he happens to love is luffy, his captain.

you would expect a realization like this to change something. but with luffy everything just feels so simple. nothing changes, not really. and if the crew notices that he looks at luffy a little longer, reaches for him a little more, or smiles a little brighter when he's around they don't say anything.

luffy, however, doesn't notice. zoro knows he'll never notice. that doesn't matter to him. he'll never leave luffy's side, long after they've both fulfilled their dreams. long after the crew eventually decides to part ways. zoro will stay by luffy's side. for now and forever, to hell and back. zoro will stay with luffy no matter what.

[laomelettedufromage]

Yknow, I love Orufrey and if their relationship develops into an undeniably romantic one, I’ll be the first to be on board, but I also really really enjoy reading their relationship and feelings for each other as completely platonic because as an aroace person… they kinda have what I want tbh (minus, yknow, the angst elephant that’s ch 40)

[agressivelyaro]

The title originally made me think it was about qprs but they were unwilling to actually say it, however it turned out to be something completely different

it's a rlly interesting read! It's a bit long, but it discusses heteronormativity/amatonormativity, misogyny and the importance of friendship!

[mae-i-scribble]

i picked up twsb again bc chapters have built up (though i have no idea how tf yall english readers are in the 500′s unless its just mtl which in that case carry on brave soldiers) and i know people are shipping jesse and cedric but the only thing on my mind is just “platonic life partners? life partners? jesse has 2 hands they can all just be the most married unmarried group forever.” bc the moment i got introduced to the cardinal and empress’ relationship my feral little mind has just been going

[lilyginnyblackv2]

An Unexpected Comparison of Sorts - Buddy Daddies & Full House

I’ve seen some people make the comparison of Buddy Daddies to Full House (obviously, not for an exact plot match, of course). I’ve seen this pop up once or twice with both Japanese fans and English speaking fans. When you watch a scene like this one from Full House:

You can kinda see why. There are certainly some similarities, specifically in the idea of best friends being apart of each others families and Joey stating that no one’s ever done something like this for him. 

But the dynamics are a bit different. Joey makes it very clear that he came to help out, and within the family dynamic, Joey is always Joey. He’s a part of their family, but also still very clearly a close family friend. He’s never referred to as uncle or dad, because those roles are already filled by blood relations (Jesse and Danny, respectively). 

His role within the Tanner family house is also more along the lines of a babysitter. Danny is still clearly the father and has the most control over the house and authority, Jesse is the uncle and comes in second with authority (his bond with Michelle, the youngest, is the only one that veers more towards paternal instead of just strictly familial), and then there is Joey. He helps out, of course, but he has the least level of actual authority (though he is still meant to be respected).

And the above action from Danny, Jesse, and the girls towards Joey is super sweet, but is also clearly meant to be a way of showing appreciation for the help he has been providing. With Joey, Danny, and Jesse the lines are all made pretty clear on where their roles are and how they fit into the family. Danny’s immediate family is himself and his daughters still, while his extended family includes Jesse (and later his family) and then Joey. That doesn’t mean that Joey isn’t still very important to him, he is, but he does also still exist within more expected boundaries and expectations of friendship, even while being a part of the family. It’s still a very platonic friendship based love.

There is a level of progressiveness to this dynamic in Full House, even still today. There have also been other shows that have shown a level of co-parenting (like Sister, Sister), but even in those shows a parent-child bond is usually always pre-established and while some do include romance (like Sister, Sister, iirc) they still also fell into heteronormative depictions of families (a man and a woman getting together via co-parenting, etc.).

With Kazuki and Rei, we have Kazuki helping out Rei because he just had to. It was something instinctual with him, and it wasn’t to show thanks or appreciation. It was just something done from a pure want to care for someone:

Towards the end of the series, we also see the way the two will be splitting up housework and I’m sure that later extended towards discipline and other aspects of caring for Miri. Both of them are her papas, etc.

I know I said I wouldn’t write about these two again, lol. But I think comparing what we see depicted between Kazuki and Rei to other shows that have some element of blended family, co-parenting, and friends raising kids together, you can sense a bit of a difference between those situations and the one being depicted between Kazuki and Rei.

I don’t think that the series intentionally depicted Kazuki and Rei as a queerplatonic relationship. I think that was likely accidental. But I do think that they just wanted to depict a family that wasn’t bound by blood. And what we got was something that just ended up looking like a queerplatonic relationship or platonic life partners - a relationship dynamic that has been getting more and more popular in Japan in recent years (I’ll link to some articles below about that). 

With a show like Full House, yes, they are a family, but there are also clearly defined roles that all of the characters fit into. With Joey, the only non-blood or marriage related member, still fitting the best friend role. He was a member coming into an already pre-existing family. 

Buddy Daddies has Kazuki and Rei existing within less defined roles and in a grey space between, and building their own family together. It’s a bit different. More like a queerplatonic based love.

[mayasaura]

One thing I love so much about Laudna and Imogen's relationship is the same thing I loved about Veth and Caleb in Campaign 2. They're a relationship in search of a definition. Are they a "thing"? Most definitely, yes. Are they "romantically entangled"? Well. No. But "friend" is a word with such a broad definition, it doesn't seem adequate, either.

Dusk seems to have given Imogen a lot to think about in terms of what she wants and expects of her relationship with Laudna. I suspect Launda's given her even more, by saying that she hasn't even considered the idea of a romantic relationship in decades and seeming freaked out by the possibility. Even if Imogen does want to explore a romantic relationship, Laudna may not ever be ready for that.

Whatever happens next is going to be interesting. Whether they settle into a more secure qpr, or take baby steps toward a romance, or find some other way to express what they are to one another, I look forward to seeing it.

[soldier-poet-king]

Read the conju novella on break and now diagnosed as gods saddest wet little creature. If I thought that it would alleviate my pining bc it's about found family and friendship and all those good things, now I'm just DOUBLY pining 🤡 he needs to be needed and I'm. I'm. IM.

[kerryweaverlesbian]

Comforting myself with the fact that Dean didn't even meet the love of his life until he was 30

[ranger-kellyn]

look. i don't care what anyone says, if you're someone who wants a partner, you deserve one that doesn't yell at you. you deserve a partner that doesn't make you walk on eggshells. you deserve a partner who you can have civil discussions with when disagreements come up. you deserve a partner who doesn't try to intimidate you in any way when they're mad. you deserve a partner who doesn't "keep score".

[dick-grayson-and-above]

I hate the way that being young and ‘single’ is framed as building your life or learning to love yourself to create the foundation to finding a life partner.

Like how being single is just a prelude to your wife/husband. Why does everything just lead back to heteronormative standards of happiness in that working on yourself is inherently for romantic gain?