#please don't give advice. don't tell me to go to a library or breathe or look for a club

[gojoidyll]

Infinity

Yandere ! Gojo Satoru x Female ! Reader

Part 14 | shoko's advice and gojo's teasing

Summary | And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you.

Infinity Masterlist

"Help me!"

"So demanding..."

"Sota, please? I can't reach it."

Gojo grinned down at her and crossed his arms over his chest, "and what will you give me if I help you."

"A kiss," she said confidently, her own arms crossing over chest as she looked up at him.

"Alright, a deal is a deal. You better not back out," he teased. But instead of picking the apple from the tree himself like she expected him to, he, instead, grabbed her by the waist and lifted her up.

"Wah- hey!"

"What? I'm helping you pick an apple, what's the big deal?"

"I didn't mean like this!"

Gojo rolled his eyes and when it became obvious he wasn't going to put her down, she huffed and reached up and picked one herself.

"Got one?"

"Y- yeah, now put me down!"

"Of course, princess."

"And don't call me princess!"

Gojo feigned surrender when he settled her down and before she could take a bite of her newly acquired apple, he had grabbed her arm and spun her around.

"Hey!"

"Forgetting something?"

"...t- thank you."

"A thanks is nice, but you're supposed to give me something else."

Her lip trembled as she stood on her tippy toes, and with a shaky breath she gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"There."

She couldn't bring herself to look at him.

"You're so cute, but..."

"Huh?"

"If you're going to kiss me, kiss me like you mean it."

"S- hmmph-!"

She ended up dropping her apple when Gojo slotted his lips against her own, his mouth easily molding against her own as if he kissed her a thousand times before.

"And that is how the dream ends...," y/n finished as she held her head in her hands, "I don't know what to do. I've been having these vivid dreams lately there I live different lives."

Shoko nodded along as she listened to y/n's troubles.

"Is it with the same guy?"

"Sometimes...well, most of the time. Same guy, different name. Though, that's not the worst of it."

Shoko raised an eyebrow.

"I think I've been dreaming of Gojo."

Shoko put out her cigarette, "you know y/n, it isn't unlikely that you and Gojo met in a past life," she reached for her drawer and pulled out a notepad and a pen and scribbled something down, "you should read about the cursed past lives in the jujutsu library. Now, I'm not saying that you've actually had a past life, in fact, you're probably just dreaming of Gojo because you like him or something."

Y/n bit the inside of her cheek. She did like Gojo, and she thought it wouldn't hurt to crush on him a little. However, how does she tell Shoko she's been having these dreams ever since she first met Gojo ten years ago? Y/n is sure she hadn't had a ten year long crush, and it wasn't until then that she actually started having those dreams.

And there was another problem...

In some of those dreams, well, she thinks she's been dreaming of Sukuna Ryomen too.

"Thank you," she said as she took the piece of paper, "I'll read it over."

"If the dreams get worse, come back to me and I'll give you prescription to help you sleep better."

"Of course, see you later Shoko," she said as she made her way to the door, but just as she grabbed the door handle and opened it, she bumped into a hard chest.

"Woah, careful there," before she could stumble back she felt a pair of hands land on her waist to steady her. Looking up, her eyes widened slightly before she wiped off her dumbfounded expression and replaced it with a smile, "Gojo!"

"What do you have there?"

Gojo stepped back bit as you stepped forward so the door could close behind you.

"Oh, Shoko recommended a book to me- hey!"

Gojo easily took the slip of paper from you as he lifted one side of his blindfold with his free hand.

"Cursed Past Lives? Didn't realize you were such a romantic."

She felt her face grow hot as she tried to take the paper back, but infinity got in her way. When she glanced at his face, his grin was teasing.

"I'm not... at least, I dont think so. I've just been having these dreams for awhile, so I asked Shoko for some help."

"What kind of dreams?"

Y/n wanted to answer, but it was just too embarrassing. How could she tell Gojo that she's been dreaming of living different lives with him?

"It's... too embarrassing to say. You'll laugh at me."

"I laugh at everybody."

"But if you laughed at me for this, I might just go crawl in a hole and hide away for eternity."

"Aww, don't be like that. It can't be that embarrassing."

"It is."

"Tell me anyway."

"Absolutely not!"

She turned to leave but Gojo stopped her by waving the paper in her face, "forgetting something?"

She went to grab it, but he moved it out of her grasp, "tell me and I'll give this paper to you."

"It's...," she sighed, "ivebeendreamingofyou...," she said quietly. Everything jumbled into a quiet almost inaudible mumble.

"What was that?"

He leaned in impossibly close. His grin as teasing as ever. She wondered if there was even a little condescension, but decided not to overthink it.

"I've been dreaming of you!"

The silence that followed was loud and hung in the air.

Her face was already hot, but now it felt hotter, she truly thought she could cook bacon on her face if she really tried.

"Dreaming of me? How cute. What of?"

She was surprised that the first thing out of his mouth was a boisterous laugh. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to laugh and joke about it later...

"I don't know, just happy things I guess. Sometimes we were married. Other times we were childhood friends. And then often times we barely knew each other until you or I introduce ourselves. Stuff like that. Oh, and you always had a different first name, but it always started with an S which I found kind of funny."

"Were you always happy in these dreams of yours?"

Y/n didn't realize how her smile formed into a sort of fondness that melted Gojo's heart on the spot, "yeah, I was always happy."

She must not be remembering her deaths then. Gojo glanced at the paper in his hands. Probably best I destroy that book while I'm at it too. Wouldn't be good if she started remembering how she died in all those lives. Granted, it's not like she's aware they're past lives either. As long as she thinks they're just dreams, we'll be ok.

"Can I please have my paper back?"

Looking down at her and the small pout she had, he relented, but not before memorizing the title and author.

"You do know I'm going to tease you about this, right?"

"I know..."

He reached for her and patted her head, "good girl."

Taking her chance to leave, she went to turn and run away as fast as possible, but he stopped her again.

"When did you start having these dreams anyway?"

She gave him a weary look, "You're going to tease me for that too, if I tell you..."

"I'm going to tease you regardless."

She sighed, he had a point after all.

"I met you once. Well, not really met you met you. I saw you when I was younger. About ten years ago. I was out with my mom getting groceries or something like that when i saw you. And... ever since then I've been having dreams of you and... me."

Infinity taglist | some say "no blogs found" when I try to tag them, so I'm sorry about that 😔

@whore-for-hawks @esthelily @huicitawrites @flaming-vulpix @zeniiis @rin1802 @mrowwww @kenstarsworld @bubera974 @littleplantofdeath @fangirl-332 @thaliadoesthings @hellsingalucard18 @tamaki-simp @obsessedwithfanfiction @babygivertyrant @carvelcakes @itzmeme @nervouschocolatecat @aspiring-bookworm @babyorphanstastegood @lilacskyly @ilovethegold @mythicalsongbird

[nitewrighter]

This might sound random but what are your tips when applying for a librarian position? What are the best things to bring up/mention during an application of potential interview and anything to avoid saying?

I mean it's going to vary depending on the library you're applying to. Libraries shape themselves according to the needs of their communities, so I would say the best thing you can do for yourself is "Don't see librarianship as a cookie cutter/one size fits all job." I actually recently attended a zoom seminar on interviewing for Library jobs and it took two tries, but following the advice from it got me my current job. So here are some of the spark notes:

-Do your research---Take a deep dive into the library's website. Look at what programming they currently have. Go through their whole calendar. Most public libraries worth their salt have what is called a "Strategic Plan" though that also may vary from town to town. Strategic Plans can tell you about the demographics of the community a library serves and where the library is pinpointing its own weaknesses and where it wants to improve in terms of programming, collection, et cetera. But the Strategic Plan is also where the library is selling itself, making a point of talking about how valuable it is to the community. If you do your research and are able to bring up a point that you've observed in your reading--like, you want to look for gaps that you can fill with your skills, you want to be the guy that solves their problems-- they're going to notice that! Like--for example, "I looked at your strategic plan, and it looks like your Cantonese-language programming has been very popular! I speak Cantonese and I'd be happy to help out with expanding programming or collections!" (disclaimer: Please actually be able to speak Cantonese if you're going to try something like this.)

-Be confident and comfortable-- I know, I know, this is the fucking Dark Souls 'Get Gud' of interview advice but libraries are looking for people who can work with people, and if you're visibly melting down, that is going to affect how competent they think you are for the job. Because they aren't just picturing you in the interview chair, they're picturing you behind the desk, talking to their library's patrons. Look clean, be engaged, be mindful of how fast you're talking, BREATHE, don't freak out at having to take 15-30 seconds to properly think up your answer to a question, but also don't be too stiff, bring a water bottle to sip to buy yourself extra time to respond and/or compose yourself mid-response. Project the image of the person you want to be behind that desk, but also find your baseline and figure out how to return to it.

-Actually take advantage of that "Any Questions?" bit at the end of the interview-- Don't ask about salary at the interview--Most library job listings include the payment range in the listing itself, so asking about the salary just tells the interviewers you didn't read it which definitely knocks off points. No, at the end of the interview, they're going to ask you, "Okay do you have any questions" and I know---Interviews are agonizing and you want this super stressful hyper-performative conversation to be over BUT YOU GOTTA HAVE QUESTIONS. Questions signal your interest on another level, having questions says you're already ready to get started. But okay I got these questions from a "Success at Library Interviews" Zoom seminar and they did help me net that job. So here they are:

"What are you looking for in your ideal candidate?"

This question allows the interviewers to emphasize more specific points of the job opening, and also gives you an additional opportunity to sell yourself as The Guy Who Can Solve That Problem.

"What would you say is the biggest challenge facing your library right now?"

This signals a more broad-spectrum interest in their library while also providing you an opportunity to sell yourself as The Guy Who Can Solve That Problem.

And, for funsies--

"What is your favorite part of library work?"

This one helps lighten the mood from the library's problems while also creating a space to connect a little more personally with your interviewers--it also gives you a space to talk about your own sense of fulfillment with library work.

So yeah. Again, all libraries are different and your mileage may vary--but engagement is the name of the game here.

[nikolaidelphiki]

Since a total of zero people asked me: here are my opinions on Palia non-romancable NPCs after playing the game for about 100 or so hours. And as always SPOILERs:

Ashura: You are my dad. You're my dad. Boogie-ooogie-oogie. I actually don't take to him as much as I should.The fact that he was the chill one in his family makes so much sense. He's such a calming presence. But of course there's the Regrets.

Delaila: Ok but why is she the few Older adult Majiri OG in Kilima? Like have you noticed that she's kinda the only one that's originally from the village? Like, where did she come from? Is she the real leader? Did she secretly take everyone out that she didn't like and replace them with people lured in my her homecooking? Things to think about.

Kenli: What happens when you don't give a nepotism baby a coming-of-age redemption arc. This guy is just trying his best. He likes sandwiches and cute fluffy animals. His best friend is the town priest. But despite it all man understands capitalism like no other (see Maji Market).

Caleri: She's a fav. Maybe I'm projecting but I too would die for my books and eat sleep and breathe in the library. Intelligent, unbothered by village happenings. Yet, keeps a detailed leger of each book bowers status upon the borrowed book's return. However, deeply unhappy with the cards life has delt her. I try to bring her all the glass bulbs so she can read into the night.

Elouisa: The only real G's out there. Sending me on impossible tasks to prove her theories and beat to cryptid allegations. Of course she's the older twin. Intelligent, bothered by village happenings when it comes to her projects. Still watches over her sister and cares in her own way. I love her.

Badruu: Comedic genius. I'm pretty sure when he gave up the bard life for farming, he realized he needed to put his funny guy hat on and has been spitting puns ever since. And yet despite the dad jokes, he asks me me, the amnesiad human for parenting advice. The absolute honor. Also, I just need to see him talk with Einar, PLEASE. The comedic fallout would be unmatched.

Najuma: I make the journey to Bahari Bay every day just for her. Because 1) thanks for the glider I use that every day 2) we are besties and 3) it's good to keep a genius that can blow stuff up on your side idk. We may have different types of Momma Trauma but we are still going to bond over it.

Chayne: I don't interact with him much idk. His dad's raised him right I think. Basically, caretaker for the entire village. Also my Shepp-in-law, grand-Shepp?? idk

Hekla: Jina's caretaker. A bit aloof at first. I also don't interact with Hekla much, but one day I'mma find out what's in the tent.

Sifuu: That's my Shepp! Also a problematic mother that doesn't really understand her child and yearns for days of adventure. And ripped. There's something to be said that she gave me an ornamental sword as a gift. Like insta-loyalty from me even if I wasn't romantically pursuing your son.

Auni: We babe who needed someone is his bug hunting club but mysteriously sucks at hunting most bugs if his item requests are anything to go by. The fact that he ran away from home for the exact length of time that his delivery shift is and wondered why no one was worried is absolutely hilarious and yes I read his journal and laughed.

Zeki: First of all, why is Zeki the only one selling toilets and they are contraband? Has anyone asked this? Is it like illegal to use indoor plumbing and Zeki has the monopoly?? Secondly, I know this fool is scamming me and when I finally get enough gold I'ma buy out him and his whole underground establishment. Respectfully, of course.

Eshe: If Eshe has zero haters, I'm dead. Just because she didn't get with the politically powerful sibling, she makes it everyone else's problem while somehow still efficiently running the village. Even I gotta admit no one's doing it like her. Another member of the problematic mom club but don't tell her she's been grouped with Sifuu. She'll pitch a fit.

Tau: The fact that there's only one of him is a crime. The only good boy.

[wetcatspellcaster]

Out of curiousity, do you have any tips for outlining and how to recover from burnout? 🫣🫣 I haven't been able to get words on a page for two months now.

hey anon!! I'm sorry to hear that.

unfortunately, I'm not the best person to ask about burnout, as I tend to try pushing through it and my current state of being (bad) tells me how well that's going for me lmfao. in response to that, my only things I can say is:

there might be a reason why you haven't been able to write for two months, and that's ok. sometimes the well runs dry and you have to wait for rain. two months is not very long and is not a personal failure.

when trying to get over burnout, i tend to pick something low-stakes, silly, and fun to begin with. either a sillier scene for a longer piece, or a piece that's disconnected from my other /serious/ projects. do something that doesn't feel like work.

As to outlining, I have a lot more advice there! so below the cut!

Outlining tips.

the way I outline my work is as follows:

I put all my big plotpoints in a document - the non-negotiables (e.g. in Pieces this was the soul jar, the nature of what ascendency is, the major character death, etc). these are the things that the story needs, to have internal consistency. if you don't have an end at this point, that's so totally fine, but it often helps if you do, because having an ending guarantees the most internal consistency of all.

I tend to outline the start first, and write to a point where I begin to get the tone of the story (in Pieces, this was up to Chapter 7, and the library, I think you can tell because there's a shift in action in this point), and then once I'm there I begin hammering down the specifics of the big plotpoints I mention above.

My outline is always literally bullet points. I start with bulletpoints of the story and its progression, and then as I begin to write in a chapter format, I might make smaller bullet points going beat by beat in a scene.

I try to give myself as much flexibility as possible, beyond the 'internal consistency' point. So while I may have bullet points for the story progression, I do not hammer down a chapter-by-chapter necessarily, because often as you are writing you find the natural breathing points/cliffhangers that will do that for you. If something ends up being longer, I am happy for it to become a chapter - same if conversation etc. that need to happen end up being too short to stand-alone.

Another type of flexibility is the ability to embellish and ad-lib. I typically outline in 'x happens' or "y talks to [side character]", or in lines of dialogue I want to include if I've been struck by inspiration. But the action is not necessarily determined (unless I've been struck down by visions) until I'm writing it. A classic was in Pieces I knew I need to have romance scenes in between plot happening, so I'd be like "something sexy happens" or "another confrontation here". Another example is I knew Orin was going to confront Astarion in an Honest Lie, and she had some goals (wanted to see if he was weak enough to be manipulated, etc.) but the holy water was added last minute when I realised I wanted more horror. Give yourself breathing room to embellish in the moment so you can have fun with it.

My final piece of advice is: know when and when not to stick to your outline! Pieces was my first popular fic as it updated, and a lot of the comments were positing things I wasn't doing. I kept to my outline then, because I knew that trying to change to please others would just fuck the story, bc the story had always been written with a certain ending in mind. So I just had to tunnel down, even if it made people unhappy - at least then, the ending wouldn't feel cheap.

BUT if you are having doubts or... if you're bored, which is the biggest writer killer, then maybe there's a way to spice up your outline. I know sometimes it's unavoidable (Iron throne, I'm looking at you), but try not to do the whole "I am writing to this one fun scene at the end"... you will probably get bored before you get there. Try to make every scene fun for you to write, if you can!!! Be silly with it, as well!

[worriedvision]

Here is part 2 of this fic! Gender neutral reader,l, Tighnari is basically the one sided academic rival of the reader. Well, before the outcome of part 1.

Taglist: @samarill @nina3871 @toasterinabathtub @kazeniya @tighnaripretty

--

Tighnari kept looking for you every time he was in the library after that, hoping he could find out what your letter was about. Nobody was allowed to tell him you were expelled, that your mentor simply didn't waste their breath on you. Your parents didn't seem to care too much about your absence from Sumeru, nobody has seen you recently.

When he started to look for you, your parents caught wind of it after some missing persons reports showed up, and the person to report to was not an official body, but rather to the very person that you were constantly compared to.

After a few months of nothing, your parents went to Tighnari to tell him you were the family disappointment. They expected him to understand, to just nod it off and forget about you, but that didn't happen.

"Tighnari, is it?" Your mother sings, the man turning to face who had called his name out. "We saw your posters for our child. We appreciate your concern, however the search won't fix the fact they failed to keep up with you."

Tighnari tilts his head, silently asking them to elaborate.

"Our child brought shame to the family name, I'm sure your family understand the importance of maintaining-"

"You are so obnoxious." Tighnari crosses his arms.

"Excuse me?" Your mother gasps, hand flying to her chest.

"Our child failed to keep up academically, and after our advice they failed to change." Your father explains.

"I'm sure you're aware your approach to parenting does not work." Tighnari tuts. "They started to fluctuate with their test scores, and they refused my support. You must have told them something."

"We only told them the truth, Tighnari." Your father spits out. "They were a disappointment to the family, and we informed them you were-"

"I was what? Holding them back?" Tighnari raises a brow. "Oh please, it wasn't like I was telling them every single thing about the subject. I gave them nudges in the correct direction, they are not incompetent."

"A child that needs a nudge in the correct direction -"

"And stop referring to your child as 'a child'." Tighnari shakes his head. "I would be disappointed to have parents like you."

"That is horrible! What would your parents think?"

"Well, if you must know, our family all have different academic goals. We do not focus on how others perform compared to us, that is not productive." Tighnari states. "Neither of my parents have made such...disgraceful comments about family."

"Excuse me?"

"Is your entire vocabulary 'excuse me'?" Tighnari sneers, rolling his eyes. "My point still stands. You are the problem."

Your mother splutters, your father gritting his teeth together, and Tighnari shakes his head before attempting to find out where you moved to.

--

"And what happened to the extra 500,000 mora that is, still, unaccounted for?" You ask, your client looking away bashfully. "You asked for me to give you advice regarding your business, and why it is failing, but it is clear you have been using this more inefficiently."

"I agree with you." A familiar voice hums out, catching you by surprise.

"I don't need your validation." You dismiss Tighnari, handing the papers back to your client. "If you are serious about your business, you need to stop betting." You state, walking away.

"_, can I talk to you?" Tighnari asks, keeping up with you.

"No." You curtly reply.

"Please? I miss interacting with you." He explains.

"What, are you going to tell me I shouldn't have found a new life elsewhere? I didn't have an option, I was humiliated when I was kicked out." You state, still walking.

"Did you enjoy your time as a student? Not with your parents, but the other part is it?" Tighnari asks. You nod your head, and Tighnari knows you're staying silent because you're on the verge of a breakdown. "I have an idea. We are looking for forest rangers. Join me, and I will do my very best to vouch for you. I won't inform your parents, in fact I found out how toxic they were recently."

"And what happens if I fail?"

"Well...I think the forest ranger life can be very fulfilling." Tighnari responds.

[marmorafarms]

Demon AU Sebastian x Cis female reader

Hey guys! I had an idea for a demon AU, and I had to get it out of my system!

18+ ONLY! Please and thank you.

Summary: Sebastian is stressed, and Abigail suggests he summons a succubus for some stress relief. He does so, but doesn't expect the succubus to be the new farmer!

Word count: 2,069 words

Warnings/content: demon farmer, cunnilingus, vaginal sex, cis female reader

Enjoy!

"Why did I agree to this again?" Sebastian grumbled, making his way to the library. Alex had posted a request on the notice board, asking if anyone knew of a good Japanese tutor.

Robin had seen it and rushed over to Sebastian, shoving the paper in his face. Sebastian frowned, and glared up at her.

"I'm pretty rusty on grammar and shit though," he said, handing the paper back. "And I only ever speak it with Sobo." His grandmother spoke very little English, so it was easier to speak to her in her native language.

"You still might be some help!" Robin said encouragingly. "I think it would be a good idea."

"Why don't you do it? You speak as much as I do," Sebastian pointed out.

"Because you need a reason to leave the house," Robin said with a smirk. "And this is that reason."

So now Sebastian was Alex's Japanese tutor, and it was proving to be…difficult. And not for the reasons Sebastian would have assumed. Alex was actually pretty good, and picked new things up quickly. The real problem was that Alex kept trying to pry into Sebastian's personal life.

Okay, maybe Alex was just trying to be a pal. A bro. A friend. But Sebastian didn't like chatting about himself, and certainly not when he was supposed to be teaching. So when Alex began to ask his questions that day, Sebastian nearly slammed his head onto the table.

"I'm just sayin', you seem stressed," Alex said, twirling his pencil around. "It's not healthy."

"I'm fine," Sebastian said tersely. "Now, as I was saying…when you have two adjective sentences, and you want to combine them into one sentence, you need to change the adjective in the first sentence to te-form, and then–"

"You know what I do when I'm stressed?" Alex interrupted. Sebastian breathed out slowly through his nose, trying not to snap at him.

"I'll tell you," Alex said, not waiting for a response. "I get laid. That's what you need to do."

Sebastian choked on air.

"I'm sorry, what?" he snapped.

"I said you need to get laid!" Alex repeated.

"I know what you said, I just can't believe you said it," Sebastian said, glaring at him.

"Just giving some advice, one bro to another," Alex said with a shrug. "There's gotta be someone you wanna bang in this town."

Sebastian said nothing, and Alex chuckled.

"Yeah yeah, you don't gotta tell me who. But you should go for it."

"There isn't anyone," Sebastian said, gritting his teeth. "And even if there was, that person wouldn't want me."

"Aw, c'mon! You're selling yourself short!" Alex said with a smile.

"You offering?" Sebastian asked, and burst out laughing at the look on Alex's face. "I'm joking," he snorted.

"Oh!" Alex said, pink in the face. "Uh. Right. Well um…I think that's enough for today! See you Friday?"

"Sure," Sebastian said, and shook his head as Alex left.

"What was that about?"

Sebastian nearly jumped out of his skin at these words, turning to see Abigail standing near him. She slipped into Alex's abandoned spot, and rested her chin on her hand.

"You scared the shit out of me," Sebastian said.

"Not my fault you're easily startled. Anyway, why did Alex run out of here like that?"

"He was being an ass, suggesting I get laid to calm down or some shit. So I asked if he was offering and he freaked," Sebastian explained.

"Maybe he's finally starting to discover his suppressed bisexuality," Abigail mused, and Sebastian looked at her quizzically.

"Wh–?"

"He's right though," she said. "You should get laid."

Sebastian groaned. "With who? One night stands in a town like this don't go unnoticed."

"You could…I dunno…go to the city?" Abigail suggested. Sebastian looked unimpressed.

"I'm not–"

"WAIT!" Abigail practically shouted. Penny shushed them loudly from across the room, and Abigail lowered her voice.

"You could summon a sex demon." She looked dead serious, and Sebastian sighed.

"Look, I know you're obsessed with the occult and shit…and I'm not saying that isn't fun. But that's not even possible." Sebastian said. "Those rituals or whatever aren't real."

"I've borrowed some pretty intense books on the occult from this very library," Abigail said. "If we want a real ritual, there's probably a book in here that has it. All we have to do is ask Gunther."

"Oh fuck no," Sebastian said, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair. "I'm not asking Gunther to point me in the direction of a how-to-book on summoning a demon for sex!"

"Well I will," Abigail said, standing up. "Because I'm not a coward."

"Abby. Abigail. Wait you can't—!"

But Abigail was already strutting up to the counter. He couldn't watch. This was going to end badly, he knew it.

To his amazement, Abigail dropped a dusty tome in front of him. He had been waiting for about 30 minutes, and had already texted Abigail 3 times in an attempt to see what was going on.

"Page 42," she said. "Apparently some guy named Rasmodius donated a bunch of weird shit, and this book has a spell. Looks legit to me."

"Good lord," Sebastian said, shaking his head. "You have zero shame."

"And thank God for that, or you wouldn't have this book! You better try it out, okay? And you have to tell me if it works." Abigail said, eyes shining bright.

"Fuck, fine, whatever," Sebastian said. "I'll do it."

—

You wiped some sweat off your brow as you finished watering your crops. Exhaustion was creeping in. Health wise, things weren't looking good for you. The wizard in the tower nearby had planted a book in the library, telling you it would help things. You didn't believe him.

The potions he was making you helped, but nothing compared to–

You gasped suddenly. Your vision was getting blurry at the edges, and your skin was tingling. This could only mean one thing.

You were being summoned.

—

Sebastian felt like an idiot as he set up this summoning ritual. As he lit the candles, he wondered what his mom would say if she came downstairs to find a pentagram drawn on the floor. The other items had been a bitch to find, and he wasn't sure this would be worth it. Sure he'd get in an "I told you so" to Abigail when it didn't work, but getting that void essence had left him drained.

Picking up the book again, he began to say the words written on the pages.

Nothing happened.

Sebastian was just about to pack everything up when the candles began to flicker. A light began to pulse in the middle of the ring of candles. Sebastian watched transfixed. Was it working?

In a blinding flash of light, a figure appeared. Sebastian stared at the figure. The figure stared back.

"Sebastian?" you croaked out.

"You're the new farmer!" Sebastian blurted out.

"Yep," you said, looking around. "I guess the jig is up. You know what I am."

"You're a sex demon?" Sebastian said incredulously. "That's…that's…" he sat down on his bed, looking thoroughly confused.

"Succubus is the actual term," you said casually. You looked around the room, taking it all in, and then glanced at Sebastian. He looked like he was in the middle of some sort of crisis.

"Are we doing this or what?" You asked. "I was kind of doing something, so if we could get this show on the road, that would be great."

Sebastian blinked at you. "What?"

"You summoned me, a Succubus. I'm assuming you did that hoping to get laid, right? Not just for a quick chat," you said, rolling your eyes.

"I didn't know it would be you!" Sebastian said, eyes wide.

"Disappointed?" you asked. "There's a spell for an incubus if that was what you actually wanted."

"N-no, I'm not disappointed," Sebastian said shakily. "Just…surprised."

"Understandable," you said with a nod. "But you still haven't answered me. Are we doing this or not?"

Sebastian gulped. You didn't look particularly sexy at the moment. You were wearing your work clothes, smears of dirt all over them. There were bags under your eyes, and your ponytail was coming undone.

But Sebastian couldn't help but be excited anyway. He had lied to Alex earlier. There was someone he wanted to bang in town, and that person was you. But…

"This wouldn't mean anything, would it?" he said, disappointment in his voice. You looked thrown at this response, but your expression softened.

"You like me, don't you?" You said, sitting next to him. Sebastian blushed, and you put a hand over his. His body immediately stiffened.

"It could mean something," you said slowly. "I've found myself drawn to you in a way I've never felt before. Perhaps this is what romantic feelings are."

"Yeah?" Sebastian croaked out. "Well um…we could do this and then…go on a date?"

You chuckled. "Sounds good. Let's get you out of this," you said, eyes hooded. You tugged at the hem of Sebastian's hoodie, and he swiftly pulled it off.

"No shirt?" you asked, reaching out to stroke his well defined abs. You had figured the manual labor that Robin put him through would do something for him. You were pleased to see that you had been correct.

"It's hot out!" Sebastian protested.

"You're right," you said. "I'll need to strip too." You pulled your shirt off, and grinned at the look of pure lust on his face.

"See something you like?" You teased.

"Fuck yeah," Sebastian groaned. He scooted closer, eyes flicking to yours for permission. He ran his hands over your chest, squeezing gently.

"Damn," he muttered. You quickly discarded your bra, and he pushed you down, mouth latching on to your nipple. He gently began to suck, rolling the other with his fingers.

You let out a pleased sound, and were rewarded with the feeling of his hard cock against you. He began to rock his hips, giving you both a slight amount of pleasure as you rubbed against the other.

Finally it became too much, and pants and underwear were quickly discarded.

"Wanna taste you," Sebastian moaned, and you opened your legs invitingly. His eyebrows shot up.

"What?" you asked.

"So wet already," he said, lifting your legs over his shoulders.

"Wouldn't be much of a succubus if I wasn't ready right away," you teased.

Sebastian didn't seem to register your words. He placed a gentle kiss on your clit before licking your folds open. His tongue explored you, dipping inside a few times before circling your clit. You moaned loudly, spurring him on.

You'd had plenty of good head before, but this topped the charts. His tongue was like magic, making you squirm and clutch the sheets. When you came, you grabbed him by the hair, pushing his face into your pussy. Sebastian didn't seem to mind in the slightest.

When he put your legs down, you scooted back and then crawled onto him.

"You're turn, cutie," you purred. He quickly got onto his back and you slid down on his girthy cock, the two of you moaning as one.

Putting your hands on his chest for stability, you raised yourself up a bit before slamming back down. He gasped out in pleasure as you set a quick pace, using him purely for your own pleasure.

Sebastian's hands gripped your hips, and you allowed him to start thrusting up into you. He chased his orgasm, brow sweaty. When your pussy clenched around him as you came again, he shouted out. Hot ropes of cum shot into you, his eyes rolling back.

It was a few moments before you got off, lying next to him. He turned his head towards you, looking fucked out of his mind.

"So good," he slurred, making you laugh.

"Duh," you said.

"You look…different," he said suddenly.

"Healthier?" you supplied. "I feed off of sex," you explained. "I haven't had it in a few months, so I wasn't doing well."

"Well maybe I could keep you healthy," Sebastian suggested.

"I'd like that," you said. "It'd be mutually beneficial. But next time, just come over to my house."

Sebastian chuckled and nodded. "Sounds good."

"We're still on for that date, yeah?" you asked, and Sebastian looked surprised

"You really want to do that?" he asked, looking hopeful. You placed a soft kiss on his lips and smiled.

"I really would."

[paleparearchive]

A Hard-to-See Heart

Kuroda's 1st initial 3★ story (1/2) ( 1 - 2 )

Location: library (morning) | Characters: Kuroda, Hiroshige, Aoi/MC

Aoi: (We're running low on brochures, so I'll have to place an additional order later…)

Hiroshige: ... Sorry to interrupt your work, Director-dono. May I have a few minutes of your time?

Aoi: Hiroshige-san…?

(He usually smiles peacefully, but he looks so mysterious now... Is something wrong?)

I'll be fine with the time. How can I help you?

Hiroshige: Thank you very much. Actually, I'm having a very difficult time with my roommate, Kuroda-dono…

Aoi: Huh, with Kuroda-san?

Hiroshige: … Yes. As an artist, Kuroda-dono is a fellow artist with the same aspirations as me. It pains me greatly to say this about him, but…

Kuroda: What's wrong with me?

Hiroshige: K-Kuroda-dono!?

Kuroda: Seriously, it's disgraceful for a grown man to sneak around and talk behind someone's back without saying anything to them.

Hiroshige: I-I'm not talking behind your back. I was just trying to talk to the director…

Kuroda: Oh? Complaining about me? If you have so many thoughts, then list them in detail.

Hiroshige: T-That's…

Kuroda: What, I'm not going to get irrationally mad at you. I'm willing to listen to legitimate criticism.

Hiroshige: Eek…!

Aoi: (Hiroshige-san is completely frightened…)

Kuroda: What's wrong? You're telling me you can't talk? Are you no better than an ape if you can't even have a conversation?

Hiroshige: Hm, let me say this then…

When I paint a picture, you criticize me more than necessary, or when I do muscle training, you tell me to stop because I can't do it.

Kuroda: Oh, that's such nonsense. As for the painting, what's wrong with your flawed work?

That last picture of yours, too, it sucks. It sounds powerful, but it lacks subtlety because it was just painted with great vigor. The coloring, the touch of the painting, everything is wrong. I was really dumbfounded and wondered how many years you had been painting.

Hiroshige: Ugh…

Aoi: (...Maybe he's giving him advice on how to make the painting better. I don't think he'll get a word of his message because of the harsh way he said it…)

Kuroda: And it's not just about the paintings. It's also an eyesore to see you dying from reckless strength training. When it comes to you during training, you see. It was very embarrassing, just like a pig on the verge of being put up. How dare you let people see you like that? A pig should be like a pig, know your place, and crawl on the ground modestly.

Hiroshige: I-I can't believe you called someone a pig…

Aoi: (Poor Hiroshige-san. Maybe he's trying to tell him not to push himself.)

Hiroshige: Uuh… Did you hear it, Director-dono? This rant of his. He's heartless, I say!

Aoi: Ah, uhm… Sure, it sounds like a rant, but what Kuroda-san is trying to say is–

Kuroda: Utagawa. Are you aware that Morita-san is helping you with everything but breathing? I didn't know you could rely not only on Morita-san, but also on Director-kun… How sad.

If you have time to bother others with trivial matters, why don't you make the effort to get in line at the conflict?

Hiroshige: H-He said it again…! Director-dono, can't you please do something about it?

Aoi: I'm sorry to say that I'm not sure how…

Kuroda: Look, Director-kun is obviously in trouble too. You seem to have a talent only at annoying people.

Stop talking nonsense and let's go back to our room.

Hiroshige: Ugh… D-Don't grab me by the collar! I can walk on my own…!

Kuroda: If I don't do this, you'll try to escape, won't you?

It's rare to find an adult who is this much of a handful, more rare than a pig who talks.

Aoi: (Ah... Hiroshige-san, he got dragged away…)

[abimess]

The high price of love // Part 4

Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Masterlist | Library Blog

Summary: Loving and desiring someone are the best things a human can possibly do. But what happens when you feel these things for a woman much older than you? [2.450 || 12.377]

Warnings: fluff; angst; milf; smut (+18 only!)

You do NOT have permission to repost or translate my work on any platforms (even with credit)

All parts | Part 3 (Read on: Wattpad || AO3)

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You’re lying in one of the green areas of the university, arms folded over your face to protect your eyes from the sunlight and also in a desperate hope that if you didn't see the world, the world wouldn't see you either, so you would be safe.

Digging a hole right there and burying yourself seemed like a great idea to you, but it would take too much effort. In fact, even breathing seemed too much work.

"She's kind of right you know?" Robin says after you tell her about the conversation you had with Wanda and you grumble. Robin is right. And Wanda is right too. But acknowledging this doesn't lessen the irritation in my chest.

"I just don't understand why this has to be a problem." You say, then sit up with a groan of effort and Robin watches you intently.

"You really like her, don't you?" The blonde asks and you look away. You kept repeating to yourself that it was just casual, physical. Because surely that's how Wanda feels about you. But every second your heart seemed more and more occupied by the redhead, to the point where it was hard to breathe.

"What makes you say that?" You ask frowning. You didn't want to admit it but you also didn't want to lie to your best friend. Robin straightens her posture sitting on the grass, making an amused grimace and you smile, already imagining the level of the response.

"Okay the first thing is: you're asking me for advice, which is a sign because." She says, raising two fingers of her hand and pointing to the first one. "I have the best advice for everything." She says, moving her index finger to the second finger and you snort, rolling your eyes. "And I’m a love expert." At her response, you frown. "You're single."

"And the second thing is," she continues, completely ignoring what you said and you smile amusedly, "she clearly has an effect on you. In a way she wouldn't if it was just casual sex."

You remain silent for a while, staring at some point in the distance and then sighing heavily. "Whatever. It's not mutual, so fuck me for dealing with it.”

The bitterness in your voice brings an empathetic, gentle smile to Robin's face. You snort again and are about to lie down, but the last voice you would expect to hear calls out to your right.

"(Y/n)?" The voice sounds almost uncertain, and as you turn toward the direction of the sound, you see that Wanda has an expression on her face that matches her voice perfectly. "Wanda?" You ask incredulously, getting up and slapping your pants to get some of the grass that has gotten stuck in it out.

Next to you, Robin stands up as well. "See you later, (Y/n)." The blonde says, giving your arm a gentle squeeze to reassure you, and you smile at her gratefully. Wanda, who observes the gesture with an annoyed frown, is not at all pleased by the interaction.

"Can we talk?" She asks hesitantly after Robin left and you don't answer, finally noticing the outfit she’s wearing. A beautiful flowered dress and- "Is that my jacket?" You ask, pointing at it and Wanda looks down.

"Yeah..." She says with a half-hearted smile, hugging herself. Wanda wasn't going to tell you, but she hasn't let go of your jacket since the day you left her house. The urge to go over and hug her is almost unbearable, but you control yourself.

You just nod slowly and then tilt your head, inviting her to walk with you and Wanda smiles before doing so.

You walk in silence for a while. You don't ask what she wants to talk about. Not only because you don't want to pressure her, but also because you’re afraid of what she will say.

But soon she touches your arm gently and you look at her. When Wanda points out an empty bench, you walk over to it and sit down.

As soon as you sit down, Wanda turns to you. "(Y/n), I'm sorry for the things I said-" She carries sincerity in her gaze, but you interrupt her, shrugging dismissively.

"You don't have to. You were right and-." You start but she interrupts you back, shaking her head. "No, I wasn't." She says, firm but gentle, and when you look at her, she continues.

"My life is completely different from yours so my problems are completely different from yours. But that doesn't change the weight of our problems." She pauses, but you don't interrupt, staring at her intently, curious about the direction of her speech, so Wanda goes on.

"I don't think like that anymore, but when I was your age, with the same problems you have now, I also thought they were the worst in the world. Because they were to me. The same way they are to you, and I should have respected that."

You smile shyly, grateful but also a little embarrassed. "I shouldn't have acted the way I did, much less left like that." You say and Wanda frowns slightly, remembering the hurt she felt when you walked away. "And I'm also sorry for giving you an ultimatum like that. I understand that you-"

"I don't mind." She says abruptly and you frown in confusion. "I don't mind our age gap." She explains and when you smile relieved, she smiles too. "Me neither." You reply softly and a low, contented giggle escapes from Wanda's lips.

But soon the giggle stops and she assumes a more serious, yet still gentle, expression. "But I don't think it's a good idea for us to tell people. At least not yet." The redhead says cautiously, worried about your reaction, but when you nod Wanda relaxes her shoulders.

"Yeah, I agree. I need to find the right way to tell Nat." You comment and Wanda's body tenses again, all the worry and anxiety slowly consuming her. But you smile tenderly at her, and that alone is enough to send all the redhead's afflictions away.

You stand up, and Wanda looks at you curiously. "Come on." You say, smiling and tilting your head once more for her to follow you. The redhead gets up without hesitation and follows you. Wanda tries to ignore the feeling that she would go anywhere as long as she went with you.

All along the way you talk about college, Wanda telling you a little about her time here and you listening attentively. You constantly have to police yourself not to hold her hand and you hate it, so you put your hands in the pockets of your jeans.

You stop in front of a door and Wanda watches you with a smile and a curious frown. You smile back and when you unlock the door, you signal for her to enter first.

Wanda enters and is confronted with a laboratory with a lot of equipment she doesn't know about and a soft, pleasant smell of cloves.

As she watches everything with keen curiosity, you lock the door again and smile as you see her beautiful green eyes scanning the place.

Wanda breathes deeply, inhaling the clove smell but confused about its origin. "Here we do the extraction of eugenol. So we macerate the clove, mix it with water and distill it afterwards. That's where the scent comes from.” You explain casually and Wanda looks at you with raised eyebrows.

"I didn't understand a single word you just said." She says amused and you giggle. She smiles, looking at you fondly and you do the same.

"Why did you bring me here?" She asks, watching you intently with anticipation and you smile, approaching her slowly. "There's only one key for each lab, to keep people from coming in here and messing with things and all." She nods, an amused smile on her face as you place your hands on her waist. When she wraps her arms around your neck, you smile.

"My guidance counselor teacher hardly ever comes here so the key always stays with me." You say and Wanda hums in an amused agreement.

"Oh yeah, and what am I supposed to do with this information?" She asks with raised eyebrows and a mischievous grin on her face and you smirk. "Whatever you want."

Without hesitation, Wanda connects her lips to yours in a soft kiss and you both sigh. The touch of each other being like a drug that you are both completely addicted to.

The kiss intensifies when Wanda places her hands on the back of your neck and presses you firmly against her. You increase your grip on her waist and the redhead sighs against your lips.

You walk with Wanda until she rests her waist against one of the free benches in the lab and with one swift movement you have her sit there.

You run your hands up Wanda's legs, lifting her dress and exposing her inner thighs to you. The redhead sighs against your mouth in anticipation and you catch her lower lip between your teeth, earning a low moan from her.

Wanda feels her whole body heat up against your fingers. It's scary, actually. You've barely touched her and she's already on the verge of delirium. Her body trembles with anticipation and when you move the fabric of her panties aside and run your fingers along her wet intimacy, Wanda feels her brain stop and go full throttle at the same time. It was inexplicable what you made her feel. But she didn't care for explanations. She just wanted to feel you.

Even against your will, it becomes difficult to continue the kiss for lack of air, so you move your kisses to Wanda's jaw. The redhead leans back, one hand on the countertop for support and the other holding tightly the hair on the back of your neck. With Wanda's neck now freely exposed, you move your kisses there, biting and making Wanda shiver.

Without warning, you slip a finger inside Wanda and the redhead moans in surprise and pleasure, moving the hand that was in your hair to your shoulder and squeezing it.

Wanda brings her face closer to yours, resting her forehead against yours and your lips lightly brushing against each other. But she's in no condition to kiss you now so you don't kiss her, just enjoy the closeness of your faces so close together.

You maintain an intense rhythm inside her as you massage her clit with your thumb and Wanda moans more and more, making your whole body shiver with the sound. She gently bites her lower lip, pulling it towards her, and you moan softly.

At the sound, Wanda moves her trembling hands to the bottom of your shirt, pulling it up. Just then, you insert another finger and Wanda's face twitches in pleasure, another loud moan escaping her lips and she completely loses the ability to do anything else at that moment but feel you. You smile proudly at the effect you have on her.

But soon Wanda pulls herself together enough to remove your shirt, so she pulls it back on. But your cell phone starts ringing in your back pocket and you both grunt disgruntledly.

With your free hand, you pick up the cell phone and sigh when you see Robin's name. "Hi." You greet her as you answer the phone, and with a mischievous smile you continue the circular motions with your thumb on Wanda's clit and keep shoving your fingers inside her.

Wanda watches you with wide eyes, but does not ask you to stop. Instead, she bites her lip firmly to hold back her moans and you have to control the urge to kiss her.

"I hate to interrupt whatever is going on in there, but we have Calculus 4 exam in ten minutes." She warns, and you mutter a curse. She keeps saying something that you're not paying attention to, completely lost in Wanda's expressions, feeling her walls tighten against your fingers and you push your fingers deeper.

The sudden movement catches Wanda off guard and a moan escapes the redhead's lips. The sound was low, but it was enough for Robin to hear it on the other end of the line and she stopped talking immediately. "For heaven's sake, (Y/n)." She says, sounding half annoyed and half amused and you giggle.

"See you in a bit." You say and without waiting for an answer you hang up the phone, putting it back in your pocket afterwards. You turn your attention back to Wanda just in time to watch her cum.

The redhead pulls you by the shoulders, connecting your lips in an intense, sloppy kiss, and it only takes one more thrust for Wanda to come undone in your fingers, moaning one last time against your mouth.

You withdraw your fingers slowly and Wanda sighs against your lips, making you smile. You pull your face away from hers just enough to suck your fingers, tasting her in your mouth, and Wanda watches the action intently.

She kisses you soon after, wrapping her legs around you and you hold her waist, pressing her against your body.

"I need to go." You say breathlessly and Wanda frowns, showing that she’s just as disappointed as you are. "I have an exam now." You explain and she nods, smiling fondly before kissing you again.

You take a step backwards so that Wanda can stand up from the counter, and as soon as she is standing, she wraps her arms around your neck, burying her face in the crook of your neck. You’re surprised by the action, but wrap your arms around her waist without hesitation.

"I missed you." She whispers against your skin. You tighten your embrace around her and Wanda does the same to you. "I missed you too."

You both sigh in relief at the weight that is lifted from your shoulders with the confession. As you pull away, Wanda strokes your cheeks with her thumbs before giving you a quick, soft kiss on the lips. You smile, feeling your heart warm inside your chest and you almost say the words. But you control yourself. There is no worse time to say them than right now.

You walk hand in hand to the lab door. After you unlock it, you look outside. When you see no one around, you signal for Wanda to come out.

The redhead gives you a warm smile and squeezes your hand lightly before letting go. The woman walks away and you watch as she does so for a while before going on your own way.

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And that's it for today! I hope you enjoyed it, thoughts and comments are always welcome ツ

Part 5

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[shameaboutthedilettantism]

So I Wait for You Chapter 3

not for Kataang week, just during Kataang week...

Water closed over her head and Katara welcomed its embrace, diving down to touch the bottom of the pool. Reaching it, she pushed off and cut through the water as though she'd been born to it. Which, actually, she supposed her waterbender status meant she had. Her dolphin kick propelled her through the water and she switched to flutter kicks when she broke the surface. She shook off all thought and merely shot through the water, lap after lap.

“Hey Sugar Queen, you're going to grow gills! Get out of the pool and come talk to me.” The voice was so unexpected that it took Katara a moment to put a name to it.

Toph? Why was Toph in the natatorium? She hated water and, so far as Katara knew, didn't even know how to swim.

Katara swam to the coping, savoring the caress of water sliding across her skin for one final breath before pulling herself out and bending the water off her and back to the pool. She yanked off her rubber swim cap and let her hair fall free.

“Yeah, yeah, you are hot and have long beautiful hair. Get some clothes on and come talk to me on the way to the quad. Everyone's meeting at that new food truck by the undergraduate library. Hope we don't get food poisoning.” Toph chivvied her along all the way to the dressing rooms.

Katara quickly changed out of her swimsuit and into what she thought of as her knocking-around-campus clothes, jeans and a swim team sweatshirt. Toph sighed impatiently when Katara picked up her hairbrush, so Katara pulled her unbrushed hair into a ponytail and picked up her bag.

“Ready,” she announced.

“Walk and talk.” Toph commanded, demonstrating the need for haste by giving Katara a little push toward the door via tilted tiles under her heels. “We have ten minutes to get to the other side of campus, which should be enough time for my interrogation.”

“Ugh,” Katara muttered, “are you sure you're pre-law and not criminal justice?”

Toph grinned slyly. “Yep, I'm much more interested in getting around laws than in making people follow them. But that's beside the point, which is why are you leaving Aang on read?”

Katara stopped walking to gape at Toph. She stole a glance toward Toph's feet. Bare. Of course. Taking a deep breath, Katara willed the sudden blush out of her cheeks. They burned even hotter. Since Meng showed her that video two weeks ago, any mention of Aang made her pulse race and her skin heat.

Disregarding Toph's bare feet, she tried prevaricating. “It wasn't on purpose or anything. I'm just busy. Aang...” she hesistated, loving the feel of his name on her lips. “Well, it's not like I'm avoiding him or anything.”

Toph looked supremely unimpressed. “Lie” was all she said.

“It's nothing,” Katara bit out.

At this, Toph's face scrunched in disgust. “Lie. You know you can't lie to me, Katara, so please stop insulting my intelligence.”

“I can't tell you. And I won't tell you, so just. Drop. It. Toph.” Katara punctuated each of these last words with a small pause.

Worried about what she might unwittingly reveal, Katara clamped her mouth shut. There was no way she was confessing her complicated emotions to one of Aang's closest friends. Even if she'd known how to explain what she was feeling, Toph was more Aang's friend than hers and would be one of the last people she'd talk to about him.

Her brain went into the same spiral it had been traveling for weeks now. How did this new awareness of Aang affect their friendship? And this new thing she was feeling, was it simply lust? Surely not, because it was Aang and she loved him. But did that mean she was in love with him? If you loved someone and wanted to jump their bones, did that mean you were in love? Maybe Mom could have shed some light on the situation for her, but there was no one she could talk to about this other than Meng. And Meng's “you should tap that” was less than helpful advice. Though she couldn't deny that one part of her brain spiral involved exactly that proposition.

Shaking her head to clear the image of Aang's bare chest that had appeared as soon as her mind started to wander that road, she glared futilely at Toph, who she was feeling less friendly toward by the moment. Even if Toph's blindness insulated her from the glower, directing it at her made Katara feel a bit better. They continued walking toward the quad, Katara's strides lengthening with her irritation. She wished momentarily that she were wearing hard-soled shoes that would ring against the pavement with her annoyed steps. Alas, her sneakers made only an unsatisfying scuffling noise. Each step carried her a bit further from her sudden anger, though, and shame began to replace that hot emotion.

At last she could bear no more of the tense silence between them and she spoke up. “I'm sorry, Toph. I'm taking out my frustration on you and you don't deserve it.” She paused, waiting to see if the other woman would respond. When only further silence greeted her apology, she huffed “but I'm still not talking about what's going on.”

Toph made no answer, but the set of her shoulders relaxed infinitesimally. They walked on, wordless. Katara took note of her surroundings finally and was surprised to see the storm clouds on the horizon. She could sense the weight of all that water, poised for release. The air already smelled of rain and crackled with latent energy.

When they reached the edge of the quad, Toph halted and faced Katara. “I won't bring it up again, but I have figured out what's crawled up your butt.” Toph smirked as she spoke the truth Katara had been fighting. “You finally realized you're in love with Aang. Good luck with that.”

She walked away toward the food-truck after dropping that verbal bomb, leaving Katara rooted to the spot. Spirits, Toph was right. Katara was in love with Aang. She didn't need anyone else's analysis. Her heart had been trying to tell her that for a long, long time.

~o~o~o~

“Come on” Sokka pleaded, “you have to come to this party! You've done nothing but mope and study for weeks now. You need to get out of this house and party off those blues!”

Even Suki weighed in. “Please, Katara? I don't think it's good for you to keep stewing over whatever is bothering you. Come out with us, get out of your head for a little while. Also, don't you want to face down those bigots who tried to keep you off the team because you're a waterbender?” Suki chuckled before continuing “you could wear all the medals you won this season to rub their faces in how good you are even without bending.”

Katara allowed herself a satisfied smirk. She'd been incensed when the coaches told her she couldn't be on the team because her bending gave her an 'unfair advantage.' She'd brought her case to the dean and, eventually, to the board of trustees. Ultimately it was only after Suki suggested that any waterbenders on the team be chi-blocked so they couldn't bend that they had acquiesced to her demands. While she resented the implication that she couldn't be trusted not to cheat, she'd agreed to the condition after the other waterbending swimmers convinced her that they just wanted to compete and didn't mind the requirement.

“Okay, okay, I'll go the the party with you.” Aiming a pleading look at Suki, she wheedled, “If you help me decide what to wear.”

~o~o~o~

Katara tugged at the short dress Suki had picked out for her. It covered a bit less of her than she was accustomed to, but she'd fallen in love with the autumnal hues when she saw it in the shop window. The colors reminded her of Gyatso and Aang's ceremonial robes, which brought such a sense of comfort and happiness that she'd bought the dress without even trying it on. And she had to admit it did a great job of showing off her legs. As did the tall strappy heels she'd donned. It had been a while since she'd worn anything other than sneakers, and the shoes caused the occasional wobble in her step. Well, they were at the party and it was too late for a wardrobe change no matter how off balance she felt.

In front of her, Sokka led the way down the path to the student center holding Suki's hand and chatting animatedly with her about a movie they'd seen the night before. When he opened the double doors she saw that the party was already jammed full of people and noise. There were only 40 people on the swim team, but it looked like every one of them must have brought 5 or 6 friends. Pounding drum beats drowned out the melody of whatever music rattled the windows.

Suki reached a hand back toward her as she and Sokka squeezed between people. They seemed to know where to go, so Katara grabbed hold of her hand and allowed herself to be towed deeper into the crowd. She reached for Meng and hauled her along, a chain of people winding through the mob. Teammates yelled greetings and compliments as she slipped past.

“Hey Katara, great season!”

“Katara! Looking hot!”

“Water Tribe in the house!”

Katara smiled and acknowledged everyone, but didn't linger. Finally they broke through the crush of people and shuffled under soaring stone archways into the open air courtyard. Folding doors that could seal off the space in inclement weather were fully open. Muggy night air washed over her, doing nothing to cool the heat generated by passing through the press of bodies. The stormclouds that had threatened over lunch had blown away, leaving a clear view of the full moon and a lingering humidity. But they were a bit further from the source of the music here, and the noise level was much more tolerable.

Sokka pulled out his phone and stared at it in concentration for a moment. He grinned and turned the screen to Suki, but hid it quickly when Katara tried to see. With an irritated huff, she looped her arm through Meng's and led her away, leaving Suki and Sokka near the archway.

In the center of the courtyard, an ancient tree spread branches over a circle of benches. Fairy lights wound through the leaves, casting flickering light. Katara stopped when they reached the edge of the giant tree's canopy. She and Meng turned their backs toward the trunk and examined the scene.

Most of the courtyard was covered with a short dense grass that looked soft and velvety in the dim light. Strings of paper lanterns criss-crossed the sky, strung from the second story of the building. The fountain in the center of the patio splashed musically, jets of water shooting skyward. Small groups of people clustered in the most well-lit areas, talking and laughing. A few people danced on the stone pavers surrounding the fountain. In some of the dimmer corners, they could make out the shadowed shapes of entwined couples.

Katara thought of drawing Aang into the shadows and into her arms. Imagining the softness of his mouth against her neck made her pulse race. Her face flamed and she could feel her heartbeat thundering. Taking a deep breath, she forced him out of her thoughts. Again.

Meng nudged her shoulder. She pointed to the other end the courtyard, then stood on her tiptoes and waved to catch someone's attention. “Look, it's Haru” she said with a wide smile and a twinkle in her eyes.

Katara spotted him standing next to a large raised cooler filled with drinks on ice. When he saw Meng he smiled and dug around in the ice until he brought out three bottles. Smile widening, he walked toward them. Katara squinted at him. What was on his face? It was difficult to see clearly in the mixed moonlight and lantern glow, but it looked like he'd grown a mustache since the last swim meet.

Horrified, she glanced toward Meng and voiced the question. “What is on his face??”

Meng shared a disgusted look with Katara. “I know, I know. That mustache is a tragedy. I'm working on it.” She shuddered and added sotto voce “I told him I wouldn't kiss him again until he shaves it off.”

Whoa! What? Katara elbowed Meng hard. Her mouth dropped open in surprise and she stared blankly at Haru, shaking her head slowly, before asking “What do you mean, again?!? When did you and Haru kiss?”

“Shh,” Meng hissed, “he's almost here. Tell you later.”

“Hey Meng. Katara” Haru greeted them with a grin that would've been appealing if it weren't for the dead caterpillar perched under his nose. Holding the bottles toward the girls, he added “Soju? I grabbed plum, grapefruit, and apple. Which do you want?”

“Oooh, plum!” Meng squealed, grabbing one of the bottles.

Haru laughed, winked at Meng, then held the other two toward Katara. “Grapefruit or apple?” he asked.

“Thank you, Haru” Katara said loudly as she took the grapefruit soju, trying in vain to spark similar good manners in her roommate.

Meng was too busy fighting the cap of her drink to pay Katara's hint any mind. With a grunt, she finally wrestled the cap free and took a long swig of the drink, sighing in satisfaction. Katara had similar difficulty opening hers. The metal rim securing it finally snapped after way more pressure was applied than Katara thought strictly necessary.

Haru held out an open palm “Caps? I'll bring them to the bin for you.”

Meng aimed her brightest smile at him, flushing with pleasure and maybe the drink. The expression brought out her dimples and made her eyes sparkle. Haru stared dumbly for a moment, dazzled, before clearing his throat and turning away to dispose of their trash. Katara narrowed her eyes at her friend.

“Oh. Ohhhh.” she gasped once he'd moved out of earshot, “You really like him. I mean really really.”

Meng blushed darker, expression softening as she watched him walk away. She sighed “Yeah. Yeah, I do.” She cut her eyes toward Katara “maybe as much as you like your Aang.”

Happiness for her friend made her own smile almost as large as Meng's. “Aww. I love that for you. Haru's one of the good ones.” Her smile dimmed a bit when the thought intruded that Aang didn't return her feelings as Haru clearly did Meng's.

Katara rolled the sweating bottle between her hands, trying again to stop thinking of Aang. When Haru rejoined them and slung an arm around Meng, Katara had to force down a wave of jealousy. She lifted her soju to her mouth and took a long swallow.

The grapefruit flavor was light and refreshing and the alcohol nearly undetectable. Katara held the bottle up to the light and read the label more carefully. Fresh grapefruit meets morning dew for the best flavor. ABV 13% She didn't drink much, and hadn't at all during swim season, of course. Thirteen percent didn't seem very high, though. She downed another gulp.

“Take it easy, Katara, soju packs a wallop,” Haru warned. “Why don't we dance for a bit?” Though he'd invited them both, he looked only at Meng when he asked.

Deciding to let them have some alone time, Katara laughed “in these shoes?” She lifted one foot to show off her glittery heels. “I think I'll sit on this bench and people watch instead. You two should dance, though.” She added an encouraging pushing motion and eased down onto one of the ornately carved stone benches.

Meng aimed a concerned look at her. “Are you sure?” she asked.

Katara nodded vigorously and repeated her shooing motion. With a few curious backward glances, Haru and Meng headed toward the improvised dance floor, hands clasped together. After a loud exhale, Katara tipped her bottle up and drained it.

[sukiitoru]

A mistake

Chapter one: ignorance

Chapter two: realization

Chapter three: monster

Chapter four: ancient

Chapter five: truth?✵

Chapter six: history

Chapter seven: family

Chapter eight: cure

(this will be a short series I haven't decided how many chapters yet but i hope you have a good time reading if you have any suggestions please tell me thank you for reading)

Mc is non-binary pronounce is they/them

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Mc was in the library searching for a book to try to understand what's wrong with them Solomon didn't tell them alot about the potion

They wanted to understand it they were confused nothing made too much sense really

Snow and koko were hiding in their room taking a nap mc noticed that snow doesn't eat alot and they were a little concerned about it

Koko ate alot of nuts a little too much the crow would go to bed then take a nap for a few hours after

It was cute how different snow and koko were but they were inseparable it was cute koko would always rest of snow's head and sleep the tiger not even bothered at all by it

Mc continued on searching then went to a table to sit down with a few books in hand finding a book on the table with a soft blue cover and golden details on the book

"hmm? What's this book?" Mc wonders putting the books they got on the table and sitting down and taking the soft blue book opening the first page and starting to read

' hey there to whoever is reading this in this book i will be explaining spells that i created i hope this will help people most of these spells are dangerous so i don't advice people to use them recklessly it would be dangerous'

The first page said mc continued to read the next page having a bunch of simple spells like a fire spell and a weapon summoning spell the next page was a little ripped and damaged

"it looks like someone spilled water on this? The writing is even smudged a little there's some blood on the page too?" Mc says reading the name of the spell

'summoning magic'

This spell requires:

-magical -----

- ----- blood

-feather of a crow

-poisonous snake ----

- wolf ----

-fur of a lion and/or tiger

- ----- fangs

- bones of -----

'the explanation of the spell'

Summoning magic is a spell that ----- ----- into ----- it helps with making more ---- for people with a low amount of ------ if people with a big amount of ----- might die after or have that excess ------ turn into a magical ------- or -----------

'side effects of the spell'

- ------

-body dying slowly

-sickness

-the lungs ------- or having a hard time breathing

-fangs appearing

-hair ------- -------

-the heart getting larger

-internal bleeding

-coughing -----

'antidote'

That last part of the page explaining the antidote was ripped from the book the page didn't make much sense and the book was empty after that page....

Mc understood that the writing passed away it was obvious from the amount of blood on the page the writing looked rushed and the water might be either tears of rain getting on that specific page only

Mc sighed that sounded a little like the spell they have but they didn't alot of information from this either but what can they do

They put the blue book down and starting to read the other books finding no information about the potion Solomon told them about they sighed and got up to put the books back in their place

Gathering up the books and trying to find the blue book only to not find anything they searched around no one in sight and the book now where to be found like it never existed

Mc sighed again giving up on finding the book putting the other books in their place before getting out of the library the breeze hitting their face making them breath deeply

They wanted to get better they didn't know what will happen after will they die

They went back to the house of lamentation going to their room seeing snow sleeping Infront of the door getting up to greet mc

"hey my sweet little angel" mc cooed closing the door behind them before sitting down snow following behind then resting on their lap mc petting snow gently the tiger purring happily

Mc sighed smiling softly at snow who looked at mc tilting it head tail flickering back and forth mc petted the tiger more

"today was so tiring snow i just want to stay in bed all day with you and koko...i found out that I'm somewhat sick i was influenced by a potion and i might die...." Mc rambled snow flinching when hearing the word die the tiger rested it's paws on mc's legs looking at mc's eyes deeply

A soft glow made mc close their eyes when they opened them up they found bright red eyes looking back at mc

"huh?.........where is snow?" Mc wonders only finding a small figure replacing snow's big form mc couldn't even comprehend that a stranger was in their room out of no where

"master, I'm snow" a soft voice came from the small figure Infront of mc wearing a somewhat ripped shirt which covered their entire body

"huh? Snow isn't a human......are you even human?" Mc blanked at the figure who pouted and pressed it's head into mc's neck white tail moving and wrapping itself around mc's wrist

"are you really snow?" Mc asked not really surprised anymore the small figure nodding the soft glow covering the small figure snow appearing after licking mc's cheeks

"okay i believe you but why didn't you tell me you can turn into a human and how can you even do that you know what i don't even want to know" mc says patting snow who turned into their somewhat human form nuzzling into mc and giggling after

"master you won't die tho" snow says nuzzling into mc's cheek

"huh? What are you talking about snow?" Mc asked snow the little creature hugging mc tightly before starting to explain

"you see master when i look at you I don't see an overwhelming amount of magic people who die because of this spell have alottttt of magic" snow explained their eyes glowing when looking at mc

"how do you know so much snow?" Mc asked snow giggles softly before nuzzling into mc's cheeks

"I lived for a really longggg time master and I'm so glad i met youuuu" snow says pushing their cheek against mc's

"I'm really glad i met you too snow and i have alot to learn" mc says sighing softly snow giggling then turning into his tiger form looking at mc with doe eyes asking for cuddles

Mc smiling softly before sitting down in their soft pillows snow joining them they both cuddle until they both fall asleep

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Thank you for reading all support is highly appreciated 💙

I'm sorry if this chapter is a little short I'm a little sick but i wanted to post a new chapter i hope you like it

This is my writing please don't repost copy or claim as your own

[percydarling]

WATW Chapter 4

(Penny dead but I just shortened the title of Weasleys after the war as WATW)

Hermione couldn't breathe. It felt like there was something heavy on top of her. She had read about these things, but now her head was empty, she just felt heavy.

And it hurt.

Her chest felt heavy and the feeling was just indescribable. She was just walking in the trees, on the grass barefoot, not knowing where she was going. She just walked.

Penelope Clearwater.

It hurt to even think about her. She just couldn't think.

Penelope Clearwater is was a good person. A kind girl.

She was Hermione's friend. It's not fair. It's not okay.

Hermione feels guilty even though she shouldn't. It's not her fault, the logical part of her brain tells her. There was nothing she could have done about it.

The other part says hogwash.

She could have done something to protect her, some muggle safe house or or some shelter or just something. She was pregnant, she... just didn't deserve this.

Hermione stops. She just stops. She sits down, her back to a tree and breathes. She needs to relax and think rationally.

She's angry at Percy, because he should have done more for her, but she knows deep inside she's not really angry, just upset.

He's the one who told her about them dating.

"Hermione sits in the library, the quietest place in Hogwarts, thank Merlin for that.

She needs some space away from the boys and just learn for the moment but she also came here to stare at Percy Weasley who was reading a book at the other end of the table.

She might have a tiniest bit of a crush on the eldest Weasley at Hogwarts. It's not like she has anyone to spill that secret to either Ron or Harry. Telling Ron or Harry is definitely a big no especially since Ron is his brother.

Percy heaved a sigh, his face troubled as he quickly shut book and groaned softly. Hermione doesn't think she's ever seen him in such a state, she often marvels about how he keeps sane with the terror twins around him but even then he wasn't like this.

Something must have happened. Hermione doesn't like seeing him like this. She had to ask him what's the matter.

"Percy, I'm sorry to interrupt but umm is there something on your mind?"

Merlin, that was so awkward, Hermione was just about to say never mind and run back to her book, but Percy replied.

"Oh, hello Hermione, well, to put it simply, I have girl problems",Percy says embarrassed as he looks the other direction.

Oh. OH.

Well, she really didn't think this through, did she? How can she help with that? Giving her crush love advice was not on her agenda.

But looking at Percy feel so down doesn't make her feel any better.

She really was going to do this, wasn't she?

"Well, I'm no expert really, but just talk to her? That's always the right way to go and maybe a present she may like. I'm clueless about the situation so I'm not really sure what to say here."

"You don't have to say anything really. Just please don't tell my brothers about this."

"Of course, you can trust me"

The fact that Percy had confided in her made her feel warm and nice.

"May I ask what's her name?"

Hermione did want to know this mysterious girl's name who had Percy being so melancholic.

"Her name is Penelope Clearwater", he said, a lovesick smile on his face. It made Hermione's heart break.

She knew Penelope Clearwater, she was a prefect and extremely pretty.

When she got back to her dorm, she let thee tears loose. He was her first crush and seeing him liking someone else hurt.

It was a long time before she met Penelope in person. She was in the library, looking for some clue to solve the mystery of the Chamber.

That's when she saw her.

Penelope Clearwater.

Black curly hair, in a way that Hermione's could never be, hazel eyes like honey and a smile that could make you feel warm.

She was flawless. And she was approaching Hermione.

"Hello, do you need some help?", she had asked her.

Hermione wasn't usually speechless but at that moment, all she could do was stare.

"Don't Gryffindors have a quidditch match today? You ought to get going."

"I just needed to get something before I go."

That's when she found the page she was looking for.

"WATCH OUT"

Penelope screamed jumping in front of her, getting petrified in the process.

Hermione quickly tore the page, before it petrified her, all the while thinking how Penelope should have been in Gryffindor.

After that incident, Penelope always greeted her, asking her if she was fine and inquired about her mental health. She was studying to be a Healer, a fine profession for her.

Penelope was almost like a friend.

Hermione didn't realise how far she had walked until she saw Ginny with the broom.

She could never go a long way without finding a Weasley could she?

Ginny for her part was looking at the Lovegood's cottage.

Luna. Oh.

Luna probably knew Penelope.

Does she even know? Does anyone besides Percy?

Hermione sighed before standing next to Ginny. Ginny didn't even flinch as she appeared by her side.

"When should I tell her Hermione?"

"Once we deal with our grief, we can help her with hers."

-

Fleur sat alone in the kitchen of the Burrow, drinking tea. She was sure Percy would come back. Bill had gone upstairs to talk to his parents about the matter.

Charlie had gone down to the village to buy some groceries.

CREAK

And then there he was, the man himself.

Charlie came into the kitchen, placing the items on the kitchen platform carefully , before sitting besides Fleur.

Fleur felt closer to Charlie than any other Weasley siblings. Charlie kept praising her for the whole dragon part in the Tournament. It was nice to see that someone appreciated her talent, besides her beauty, not many people did that.

It was refreshing.

"Percy will come back won't he?"

"Yes, I believe he will Charlie"

Charlie kept tapping his feet as he sipped his tea. He was anxious, it was not something Fleur hadn't seen before. He wasn't there when Fred died. He had taken that hard and kept blaming himself for things which were in no way his fault.

"I should have known her."

"Who?"

"Penelope. I should have paid attention, I should have done something. I should-"

"Charlie, this is not your fault."

"It is! I should have read Percy's letter more carefully, I could have helped her come to Romania or I could have-"

"Charlie. Listen to me, you cannot live in the past, you cannot change it. This is in no way your fault, you had no indication that this would happen, you were not to blame."

He seemed to calm down at that.

"You're right Fleur. I'm not to blame, we all are."

-

George sat on his bed, lying down, staring at the ceiling.

There's just som much rage inside him, so much anger and disappointment and anger again.

He's angry at Percy.

He's angry at his family.

Most of all, he's angry at himself.

He's behaving like a git, he knows that but why can't he stop? He just wants things to go back the way they were. Why can't things be normal again? Why is life like this?

"George?"

It was Ron. He was knocking on his door.

Ron, who never knocks, is knocking on his door. If George wasn't feeling so down, he would have laughed.

"What is it Ron? Don't come in."

"Don't be so hard on Percy, George."

"Why? Because his child is dead."

George hated every word that came out of his mouth but he could care less.

"Our nephew is dead George. Let that sink in."

Nephew. Merlin, he was being a prick wasn't he?

"You know what's the worst part George? I don't care, I should, I should give a damn but I feel so numb. Everything feels numb."

George didn't know what to say to that because that's what he's feeling right now.

Numb.

"Your anger isn't directed at the right person George."

"Whose the right person then Ronny? Voldemort?"

"Fred."

[swordofpevensie]

Anything I Do, I Know You’re Gonna Watch 

[Chapter • I]

warnings: academic rivals to lovers, set in 1946, peter x you, strict family, mentions of nervousness, stress, war, uni students (equal of stress actually), both peter and you study medicine because i love the idea of peter being a doctor, i emphasize peter was a king a lot (because like,, why not?).

a/n: i strongly needed an academic rivals to lovers fic with peter, so i wrote it myself eheh. i don't know how long it will be or how frequently i'll share because uni is literally crushing me. anyways, wow i am so excited to share this with you. there might be mistakes as english is not my native language, feel free to correct me please. also, i checked the oxford's website to get the info about uni & lecture. still, if there is something wrong, please inform me. i sincerely hope you like it, please tell me what you think. ♡

word count: 1067.

playlist: (yes, as i'm so excited that i even made a playlist)

oh johnny, oh johnny, oh! • the andrew sisters

campus • vampire weekend

heartburn • wafia

collide • tianamajor9, earthgang

you haunt me • sir sly

killer queen • fil bo riva

willow • taylor swift

d is for dangerous • arctic monkeys

tear you apart • she wants revenge

are you gonna be my girl • jet

braindead! • yungblud

greek god • conan gray (the song that gave the story its title)

tighten up • the black keys

achilles come down • gang of youths

library pictures • arctic monkeys

anna sun • walk the moon

everybody talks • neon trees

hey now • the regrettes

rumors • sabrina claudio, zayn

lover i don't have to love • bright eyes

you always hurt the one you love • the mills brothers

C H A P T E R • I

You took a deep breath before entering the classroom. It was the first class of the first day of your first year in the university and you felt very nervous and excited at the same time.

You were nervous because university was something new in your life and you had so many worries such as if you would find someone to be friends with, if you would be successful, if you would something embarrassing, if your professor would like you or not.

However you were excited because as a person who liked learning, you looked forward to attend to your classes and meet all of the new subjects waiting to be learnt. You had worked so hard to be there, in this university and in front of this classroom door, and finally being there felt amazing.

You took a step and entered the classroom. It was noisy and already crowded. It was a normal classroom, not a amphitheater one. You shortly looked around and saw a empty seat which was behind a crowded boy group. You walked towards there, trying to stay calm and not look at them. Your mother warned you very seriously and strictly about not getting closer with boys. She wanted you to be successful, not more. Boys were distraction according to her and she never wanted you hear that you got closer with a boy.

You sit and put your bag to the seat next to you. You took your notebook and pen out and started waiting for professor to come.

“Hey, isn't it Pevensie?” You heard a boy in front of you speaking.

“It really is.” Another boy replied. “I am surprised that he is here. I heard he couldn't afford the fees.”

“He probably got a scholarship. Don't you remember such a big nerd he was?”

“Ugh,” The boy said. “He was unbearable. I bet he hasn't changed. Probably still a caring brother everyone appreciates and the best student every teacher adores.” Although the words he used was in fact good, it was clear from his voice that he was mocking.

You frowned. Why did they talk about him in that way? Why did that Pevensie do? You look at the door that the boys were looking.

You saw a tall and broad shouldered boy with blonde hair and blue eyes. He wore a white shirt with dark brown trousers. His boots were also brown. His black coat was on his arm. He had a leather messenger bag hanging on his shoulder. He looked just like any boy in the classroom, except for the fact that there was something strange in the way he walked and stood. His steps were slow, however his walking made him seem strong. When he first stood up looking for a place to sit, you saw that he stood very upright, his chin was up a little bit. Nothing about him was underestimating, his eyes didn't look others in that way. But he just seemed strong, in a weird way that you had to gaze at him to figure out.

Then you realized what you were doing and looked directly to your notebook. You thought he didn't see you but he did. He smiled to himself but fastly stopped and went to sit to the empty chair which was away from yours. It was the only empty chair left, otherwise, he would like to sit near you and find out the reason behind your curious looks.

Thankfully, the professor came and started talking. The whole class was silent now. You focused on the professor and every word she said, sometimes took notes down. She introduced herself, the lecture, and said she'd start although this is the first day.

The subject was about the relationship between patients and doctors and the professor asked how the relationship should be in general.

You and he raised hands immediately. You were so excited and ready to answer because you spent your holiday with studying beforehand for the lectures. You went to libraries, read everything you found related to your courses.

He was quicker than you, so professor chose him to speak.

“Peter Pevensie,” He introduced himself.

“Yes, Mr. Pevensie,”

His answer didn't last too long but he expressed his opinions easily and quickly. You noticed he spoke somehow wisely and as if someone asked him to give advice. You couldn't understand why he spoke like this but then you thought you were paying attention to him so much. Therefore you took a short breath and focused on the professor again.

After he was done, you raised your hand and the professor let you speak.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” After introducing yourself, you started to express your opinions, which were the opposite of what Peter said. You thought doctors could be emotional and friends with their patients while Peter said doctors must be logical and distant.

He turned his head and looked at you, watched you as you spoke. He liked that there was someone he could compete with and share his ideas, also argue. He liked to argue because he thought arguing respectfully was a way that someone can improve themselves.

After you finished, three more students began to speak however Peter didn't pay attention because he still was watching you and analyzing you. He carefully looked at your clothes, how you kept shaking your leg, how you kept notes and listened very carefully. He was glad that there was somebody he could try to be friends with but above all, compete and beat. That was an old habit of him, competing and beating.

Like they said, the leopard can't change its spots.

Throughout the lecture, you and he constantly raised your hands, spoke, and listened very attentively. Everything you and he said opposed each other. At some point, you thought he did that on purpose, maybe he was objecting to your ideas deliberately just to annoy you. But then you thought why would someone at your age do such thing? You decided to not care at all. You weren't supposed to think about anyone, you were supposed to think about your lessons.

That was what you were thinking when the class was over and you were leaving the classroom to go and buy a coffee.

On the other hand, Peter was thinking about you, but he had some plans. Plans that included defeating you and being the best in the department.

okay, okay, it really happened. i finished writing. oh god i am so excited about this fic! please tell me what you think. i hope you enjoy reading!

love, andrea. ♡

[your-daily-biaswrecking]

Serva me, Servabo te

save me and I will save you

pairing: photographer!Taehyung x f.reader (oc)

more characters: Jimin x Yoonji

genre: angst, slight enemies to lovers, slow burn, eventual smut

word count: 4.6k   |  reading time: 25 min

summary: Somehow you end up having to share a Victorian Manor (that may or may not be haunted) with a person you really dislike: Kim Taehyung

warnings: nothing specific in this chapter, some swearing and toxic traits

A/N: Amy= Army= reader:)

All chapters | Masterlist   |  Read on AO3

Chapter 1: The tragic state of affairs

An hour and a half long car drive and you still managed to be in the middle of nowhere. You could almost swear the dirt road was leading to nothing, but the occasional sign swore otherwise. You sighed. How had you gotten yourself into this, again? Oh, yeah.

-9:34 pm, the day before-

A loud thud followed by an inhuman growl produced from the deepest pits of hell reached your ears in the kitchen. I guess you couldn't ignore her any longer. You leaned past the door,  peeping at your roommate cocooning on the floor.

"Uh... You good?" She immediately started mumbling with fiery passion and you couldn't understand a single word. That meant no. "What did Jimin do this time?"

Yoonji sat up, turning her spine abnormally to look at you. "He's an idiot," you managed to hear.

You pressed your lips together and nodded. "Right. You guys broke up. Is he still bothering you, what is it?" You walked to her and squatted down to her level. You noticed her cheeks were bloody red and stained with tears, her mouth giving you a pout. But you were unbothered.

"He won't let me go tomorrow," she complained.

"The Manor you guys had booked?"

"Yeah!"

"Why won't he let you go?"

"No, I mean... He says I can go but he says he'll go too and I don't want to see him," Yoonji mumbled while wiping her tears with the back of her hand.

Your immediate thought was to tell her to just go since they were going to make up eventually anyway. Seriously, the two of them broke up and got back together like twice a week. Sometimes it looked more serious, sure, but you had fallen for it too many times to believe it now. You would only be sure the two of them were done for real when... Well, actually, never. "So, you don't want to lose your vacation but you want to have the whole house to yourself?" you asked and she nodded. "Well, since you both paid for this, I'm sorry to tell you, but he has just as much right to go as you. You should have thought about that before you broke up over- what was it again? Dumplings?" I mean, this had to be some type of kink or something at this point. They had to be into breaking up and chasing each other all the time. Maybe it was the make-up sex, who knows.

Finally, one of the road signs pointed to the right for a turn. 200 m it said. You breathed out in relief; you were starving and so sleep deprived, you feared you'd drive your car into a ditch by the road. In front of you stood a large gate with an astounding metal design. It was open and you carefully drove in. Your breath hitched the moment the house came into view. What house? That was a whole palace! With three floors, a garden bigger than the nearest park to your apartment, and about a million windows adorning its two wings. So caught up in the drama, you hadn't even had the chance to see a picture to prepare yourself for the beauty of the Victorian artifact. Your jaw on the floor, all you could do was laugh.

Say, how had you managed to get here again? Right, right...

-11:04 pm, the day before-

There was a soft knock on your bedroom door and you hummed in reply. Yoonji burst in with great contrast to her knocking, dashing for the foot of your bed and plopping herself on it with nerve. You paused your texting on your phone momentarily to turn your eyes on hers, noting her tears were all dried up now, a frown in their place.

"I told him I'm not going 'cause I don't wanna see his stupid face," she announced.

The corners of your mouth turned downwards. "Good for you. I'm sure the house isn't worth it, you can do your vacation elsewhere."

"But now he says he's not going..."

You thought about it for a second, then got back to your texting. "Great. Isn't that what you wanted? Now, you can go."

The girl leaned over your legs, trying to catch your attention again with wide eyes full of conspiracies. "But... What if he's bluffing?"

You paused again. Damnit, why was this even making sense? You'd say Jimin is not capable of doing something like that... if you actually thought it to be true. "So, don't go." You looked at her again to make sure your point was getting across. "Yoonji, don't go. That way no matter if he goes or not, you still won't see his stupid face."

A middle-aged woman dressed to fit right into the aesthetic of the Manor greeted you on the big steps of the entrance with something like the enthusiasm you only show your favorite aunt on Christmas. "You must be Ms. Min Yoonji," she called before you even had the chance to reach her.

"Must I?" you replied, immediately following it with a peal of fake laughter.

The woman chuckled and walked towards you. With a closer look, you noticed how youthful her face looked, and how undeniably pretty she was. Definitely looking like a noblewoman who would be in charge of something like this mansion. "Welcome, I'm Mrs. Kim. I'm glad you're here, your partner is already inside," she said.

Oh... So he was bluffing.

You smiled. "Thank you. The place looks stunning."

"Oh, I'm hoping you'll get to enjoy all of its beauty to the maximum this week you'll be spending here," the woman said as she guided you towards the entrance." Just to let you know, every room is at your disposal, the kitchen is fully equipped and with every kind of food you might crave. Housekeeping is daily and with a very discreet staff. I have already given a tour to your partner."

You pushed the heavy door open and walked in, immediately hugged by a heavy but warm atmosphere with a strong, musky scent. Right across from you, there was a big, double staircase with a magnificent chandelier hanging from the high ceiling. All you could do was look around with a stupid face. Jimin was getting Yoonji this type of vacation and she had the audacity to fight with him? How had they even afforded this? You totally understood why your roommate was throwing a tantrum wanting to come here. Why had she even let you come instead?

-12:56 am, the day before, or more accurately, this day but super early-

"Amy... Amy..." You were startled awake, barely making out the silhouette of Yoonji hovering above you in the darkness. "Were you sleeping?" she whispered.

You exhaled and pushed her away, groaning. "Yoonji, a piece of advice: if you have to shake someone for them to answer you, yeah, they were sleeping!"

"Sorry," she said but definitely didn't mean it. She scooted you over to sit next to you. "Hey, so... I was thinking. Maybe you should go."

Be it the sleep or your roommate speaking utter nonsense, all you could think was: "What?"

"Well, I don't wanna go in case Jimin goes, but I also don't wanna let him have the house to himself -you know, out of spite- so maybe you should go." Yoonji blinked at you expectingly but it was still too complicated for you to process. "I mean, you're gonna have a good time, Amy. The house is amazing, I promise, this is a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity, okay? I thought if I let you go then we could also be even for the time you did that assignment for me and got me an A? What do you say?"

You frowned, starting to shake your head. "Yoonji-"

"Please, I just want you to annoy him by just being there, you know? Also, he might not even go. Then you'll have a whole Manor to yourself for a whole week! You can take your books with you and enjoy some time away from society, right? Pretty please..."

Your frown deepened, but you started to think about what she was saying. "You really would rather just give up your vacation to a Victorian Mansion or whatever it is to your roommate than let Jimin have it to himself?"

"Absolutely, yeah."

Well, you couldn't think of a reason to say no to that.

Mrs. Kim finished her welcoming speech with a smile. "In the library, you will find a map of the hiking routes of the forest. There is a mushroom picking one that I wholeheartedly recommend. Of course, anything you might need, you can always pick up our vintage phone -it works perfectly- and call us any time of the day and night."

You gave her a genuine grin and nodded. "Thank you very much, Mrs. Kim!" And after that, the beautiful woman opened the door and left. Where to, you had no idea, since you doubted there was any kind of civilization nearby.

You dragged your suitcase to the bottom of the staircase, about to lift it and go find one of the surely many rooms to occupy. But in the silence of it all, you noticed a fire cracking in the background. So silent, it felt like you and the fire were the only things alive for miles. Yet Jimin must have been roaming somewhere in this Manor.

Huh... He still hadn't shown up at the entrance to check if Yoonji had come? Surely, he must have heard the commotion made but you two ladies.

You released your grip on your suitcase and slowly walked towards the room the fire seemed to be coming from. You wanted to find him and enjoy his face when he would see you instead of his girl- well, ex-girlfriend. You passed through a small hallway, little rooms with cabinets and bookcases until you reached a slightly ampler room that had a lit fireplace. It looked like a sitting room, with a pair of scarlet, velvet armchairs and a matching sofa. There was a large, thick carpet that covered almost the entire floor, and an ebony coffee table in the middle. On the right, a window that expanded from floor to ceiling, but was however half-hidden behind a rich curtain.

You were about to go towards the fireplace before you noticed the slim man standing tall by that window. Looking outside, turned opposite to the entrance. You almost didn't notice him as the colors and textile of his outfit matched the room so well. His brown, a little wavy hair tucked messily behind his ears, light silver glasses sitting low on his nose, hands in his pockets. He was wearing a sweater vest over a beige shirt and baggy trousers and was standing like a model. Something very off about him that you didn't immediately recognize.

"Oh." The interjection left your lips without your command. And at the sound of your voice, he turned around to face you.

-10:46 am, this morning-

You had left your apartment more than a long time ago, Yoonji was expecting that you would have arrived by now and waiting for your news. Had Jimin gone too? How had he reacted? She tried calling you a couple of times but was only met with voicemail. Maybe you didn't have a good signal up in the mountains. Oh, no, how would you keep her up to date now?

Her cellphone buzzed and she rushed to see the message she assumed was from her roommate. It turned out to be her ex.

"You didn't go, then?"

Yoonji laughed. How wicked of her. He must have just seen you arrive at the Manor, instead of her. So he was lying about not going, just as Yoonji had predicted. She flipped her hair from her shoulder dramatically and quickly typed her reply.

"Of course not, I told you I wasn't going."

She couldn't stop giggling like a little girl.

"Cool... Just so you know, I felt bad wasting this already paid vacation, so..."

Yoonji rolled her eyes, still giggling.

"Let me guess. You went by yourself?" How pathetic... He really thought his little trick would work.

"No."

Wait, what?

"I myself didn't go..."

Yoonji blinked.

Come again?

Your eyes widened when you realized the man in front of you wasn't Jimin. The man in front of you was...

"Kim Taehyung? What are you doing here?"

He was about to open his mouth to reply when your phone interrupted you. Without taking your eyes off the man and with a deep frown on both of your faces, you took it out of your pocket and answered. Yoonji's voice started ringing immediately from the other end.

"Amy! Finally! I've been trying to call you for ages. Did you arrive yet? I wanted to tell you Jimin isn't coming. He said he let Tae go." You rolled your eyes. "Can you hear me, Amy? The signal is so bad... Amy, the idiot did the same thing I did and sent Taehyung! Remember Taehyung? Jimin's best friend?"

You sighed. "Yeah... Way ahead of you. He's standing right in front of me." Your eyes traveled down his arms as he moved to fold them over his chest, tilting his head at you.

Yoonji let out an exasperated cry. "Ugh, man! So he told the truth... Look, I'm so sorry I got you into this. Amy, can you hear me? I hope you have no problem with him there. I know you guys are not close- wait, have you guys met? You have, right? Okay, I know you're not close but it'll be fine, right? Just don't pay attention to him and do your thing, yeah darling? Act the same as if Jimin were there, or as if you were alone. Amy, that's fine, right? You can do that, right? How is the house, is it awesome and totally worth it and you're totally not mad at me for sending you there with Tae? Huh? Amy?"

You sighed again. The signal was indeed bad. So you just hung up, hoping your roommate would blame your rudeness on that. Hiding your phone away again, you eyed Taehyung from head to toe. He was still glaring at you as if you'd stolen something from him. Well, I guess if he thought he'd have this whole place to himself, it was kind of like stealing. But that was only because he just happened to arrive first. Both of you had the same claim over the place. Or, well, neither of you did.

"Right, so..." you started since he didn't seem to be reacting any further. "I guess we'll have to stay together."

Suddenly, Taehyung started moving. His eyes still piercing yours and not a word out of his mouth, just a steady charge towards you.

"I-I know you didn't expect me-" you felt the need to mumble quickly, "-but I didn't expect you either!" Taehyung stayed silent, getting closer. "Okay, maybe we lied!" you exclaimed, your feet stepping behind each other. "But you guys lied, too!" There wasn't any more room to move and the man was now right in front of you, leaning into your personal space. "Taehyung, what-"

"Who are you?"

You were caught off guard. "What?" You thought he was joking, but he stayed looking at you with a serious face. "What do you mean who am I?" you sounded offended. "We've met before!"

"Have we?"

"Couple of times!"

Taehyung scanned your entire face before he shook his head. "I don't remember you."

Now you were offended. "I'm Amy!" you announced loudly. "Yoonji's roommate."

At last, he pulled away, his mouth opening in understanding. "Oh... Right, I knew Yoonji had a roommate by that name." He moved farther away but turned his head to you again. "I don't think I've seen you before, though."

You rolled your eyes and slipped around him to escape the place you had been trapped in earlier. "Alcohol does that sometimes," you snorted at him.

Taehyung rubbed his chin, looking at you differently now. You tried to avoid his eyes, examining the room more closely instead. The paintings on the walls, the black encyclopedia on the shelves, the candelabra and tea set on the small table. Every detail was thought of inside the house. "Why are you here, though?" he asked.

"Same reason as you, I assume."

He licked his bottom lip in the act of releasing a small chuckle. "Did you owe a favor to your best friend, too?"

You took out one random book and browsed its thin, yellow pages. "Actually, she owed me."

Taehyung raised his eyebrows in response, then started occupying himself with the little things around the room, as well. "They're ridiculous, aren't they?" You hummed in agreement and put the book back, moving along. "Do you think they might be done for real now?"

"No way." You moved to the smaller window behind the sofa and pulled its curtains away to look at the view. A hill decorated by a dense forest. "Yoonji is over her phone 24/7 waiting for him to text her."

He chuckled again. "I know for a fact Jimin is not taking this seriously. He laughs every time she texts him."

"As he should! She's a drama queen."

"Thank you!" Taehyung called out as if he had been struggling with this for a long time. With two long strides, he appeared next to you and forced you to look into his eyes. "Jimin gets mad at me every time I say that, but she is, isn't she?"

You were a little taken aback by how eager he seemed to be to find this one thing in common between the two of you: having had enough of your friends' relationship. You nodded with an amused smile. "Extremely."

He shook his head, pushing his hair back with a hand. "I honestly don't get how they make it work. Aren't they tired?" He turned serious again and looked at you with big eyes. "I could never have something like that. When I like someone, I want it to be Titanic, not Mr. and Mrs. Smith."

It took you a few seconds to reply, a little lost in his intense stare. But you shrugged. "I kind of get it. It keeps it fun and interesting. They've been together for three years now and yet it's still not boring. Like, they confess their love to each other every other week."

But he insisted. "I wouldn't need all of that to remind my girl how much I love her."

This was getting a little uncomfortable. He was a little too close, and a little too serious. So you leaned back and maneuvered around him, walking towards the door. "Alright, you do your thing with your relationship, they can do theirs." You turned to look at him right at the same time he did. "So, we'll be staying here together, right? I hope that's okay."

Taehyung shrugged just one shoulder. "If it's fine with you," he almost whispered.

You nodded once. "Well, as long as there is not only one bed," you smiled at your joke but he just frowned. You guessed he didn't read fanfiction. You cleared your throat. "The house seems big enough for the two of us, I'm sure we could go about our separate vacations without getting in each other's way."

"Sure, if that's what you want."

You nodded again and pointed to the door. "Should we choose our rooms?"

He clicked his tongue and moved past you. "Sorry, I have already chosen the big chamber on the east wing since I didn't expect company. You might want to get a room on the west wing to avoid me more efficiently." Taehyung walked quickly down the corridor without waiting for you, or even checking if you were following. Not that you had to be following, obviously. You thought he sounded a little annoyed, but you couldn't think of a reason why. If it was you being there, he'd have to get used to it 'cause you weren't going anywhere.

"Cool," you simply replied and followed. The man appeared in your line of view again only after you got in the lobby. He was standing by the staircase, looking at your abandoned suitcase. "I got it," you said automatically, only realizing he hadn't offered to carry it after he looked at you weirdly. You cleared your throat awkwardly, needing to change the subject. "Do you know where the kitchen is? I'm thirsty."

He motioned towards the corridor opposite the one you had just come from. "Down the hall, there's a small one," he said and started jogging up the stairs with his hands in his pockets.

You exhaled the moment he was out of view again. Being around him took up more of your energy than you expected. Which wasn't ideal for a vacation. The whole situation, to be honest, being isolated with Kim Taehyung in an old, strange house, wasn't ideal. You wondered if he felt so put out by it as you did while you walked around the house to find the kitchen. Definitely, you thought. He didn't want to be there with you, it was certain. Not necessarily because he'd shown something like that up until then, but because you knew exactly the type of guy he was. I'll tell you one thing: it wasn't a coincidence that you had such close, common friends, yet barely knew each other.

The kitchen was bigger than your living room, yet it was characterized as small? A long counter stretched all along the wall on the left, with three windows over it that overlooked the garden. There was an island in the middle and cabinets around the rest of the space. A very pleasant room, bright and with light colors on the furniture that went well with the green that posed on the window panes like self-illuminated paintings.

You put your whole face under the faucet and swallowed the very cold -cold like it was just now coming from a nearby river- water. After cleaning your dripping face with your hands, you did a short inspection. The cabinets and the fridge were filled with all kinds of foods, Mrs. Kim was right. You guessed that should have been the case, considering there weren't any markets anywhere close. But that also meant you had to cook all of your food. You and Taehyung. What were you going to do? Cook different meals or share?

That was a future problem. Now, you had to find a room. You dragged your suitcase up the stairs making a little too much noise and turned to the west wing without hesitation. There were a few rooms to choose from; a double room with navy blue wallpaper, a smaller one with a balcony, a more princess-looking room with a small bed and a boudoir. You picked the next one. It had a canopy, queen-sized bed with thick, purple curtains that matched the ones on the big window across the door, and a wooden wardrobe that looked like it was taken from the set of Beauty and the Beast. There was a small fireplace too, although it was not lit, it was still decorated.

A big smile appeared on your face at the sight of the cozy room. Perhaps the house would be worth it after all. Right before walking in, you quickly looked to your left, thinking you saw something, but when nothing was there you walked excitedly inside and closed the door. You tried opening the window to let some fresh air in, but it seemed to be stuck. Or maybe you just didn't know how to do it. It looked fragile and so you let it be, deciding against causing an accident. Instead, you took your clothes and your things out, organizing them around the room to make it more personal, and when you were done, you hoped on the rather tall bed with the softest mattress you had ever felt in your life and called your friend.

"Girl, you owe me big time after this!" you whisper-shouted at her when she picked up, still not certain of how soundproof the building was and not wanting to risk Taehyung hearing anything.

Yoonji giggled from the other end of the call. "Hey, girl! How is the Manor looking so far?"

"Oh, that part is fantastic," you said genuinely. "Still in awe you were stupid enough to let this thing go. But don't try to change my mind like that," you scolded her. You knew her too well for her manipulation to work on you. And she knew that, which is why she giggled again. "Why, oh, why is Kim freaking Taehyung here, Yoon?"

You could almost hear her pout. "Oh, babe, you know I didn't know he'd be there! It's not my fault."

"Well, yes, but when I agreed to do this, it was between having the place to myself or sharing with your boyfriend. I would–"

"Ex-boyfriend!"

"–much rather have Jimin here to annoy instead of stupid Taehyung annoying me," you said, rolling your eyes. You stared at the door then, thinking you'd heard something, but dismissing it as just the old house making noises.

"Oh, c'mon. Don't call him that. It's not his fault he got into this, either."

"You know how I feel about that boy!" you insisted.

"He's actually nice, Amy."

"To you. Because you're his best friend's girlfriend. He doesn't–"

"Ex-girlfriend..."

"–give a fuck about anyone else," you mumbled, playing with your hair. "Anyone who is beneath him and his stupid, rich ass is not worth being nice to, you know?"

Yoonji hummed. "I don't think he's that rich, he's just kind of famous. It's not the same."

You rolled your eyes and groaned. "That's not the point here." You got up and looked out the window. Air had picked up and was making the trees around the garden dance passionately. "I don't feel comfortable around him, so now I have to spend a whole week being weird and worried I might run into him no matter what I do."

Your roommate clicked her tongue disapprovingly at you. "Girl, I say give him a chance and get to know him. Who knows, you may become friends and when you get back we can all hang out together."

You smiled, raising an eyebrow even if she couldn't see it. "I thought you had broken up with Jimin, how are we gonna hang out all together?"

"Ah!" It really must have slipped her mind, too, which made it all that funnier. "You're right, don't become friends with him. You will never see him again, anyway," Yoonji was quick to correct herself.

You sighed, still smiling at your silly friend, as you propped one leg up on the window sill and leaned your head against the glass. "Can't I just leave, say, tomorrow?"

"Amy..."

"Too tired today," you added with a yawn.

"I think you should stay. First of all, if you leave, Jimin might come, and him with his self-proclaimed soulmate there would just make my blood boil, so we can't have that. But second of all, and most importantly, you are at a gorgeous Victorian Manor and all you do is complain about a gorgeous boy living with you. Things could be worse, Amy. He could have been an asshole and ugly." You burst out laughing. "So just enjoy it, okay? Fuck him and enjoy your stay. You won't ever get a chance like this again, Jimin paid for most of it, you know we could never afford that."

You rolled your eyes again, but as lovingly as you could. "Fine..." you succumbed to her words. "I guess I could put on my cute dress and go pick mushrooms and forget about the other guy."

Yoonji cheered. "That's the spirit! Go be a cottagecore fairy, baby, you deserve it."

"God, I hate you."

"Love you, too!"

Yeah, you should enjoy what you could from this. Maybe Taehyung wouldn't be such a pain in the ass. Not very likely, but maybe.

Next chapter

[margarethelstone-2]

Our Sleeves Were Wet With Tears | Chapter 1

“They both knew that it wouldn’t last, that, come tomorrow, the so undesired feeling of awkwardness would take over them again, to some degree at least. They would pass each other in the corridors and a nod and a smile would be all they might expect; they’d meet at the train station occasionally but fail to exchange more than a few words.

And yet somehow, it was fine. Because for the first time since Taichi’s confession, they could hope that the distance they had built was not that of resentment and sorrow, but of mutual respect and readiness to wait.

It was an agreement.”

A Taichihaya story set directly after the end of season 3. Based on the anime, not the manga.

Read under the cut and on AO3!

Chapter 1

Suddenly, like an explosion, the words Taichi said to me in our first year came back to me.

"Arata will come back someday for sure. Let's get stronger and wait for his return."

Let's get stronger.

Let's wait.

No matter how long it might take or how hard it might be, let's work, let's fight, let's be patient.

That's what Taichi had said, two years ago, as they’d sat on that train and gone home after their meeting with Arata, which only could have been called disastrous at the time. She'd had trouble believing him at first, so big her disappointment had been – so overwhelming the shock she'd felt when their childhood friend had as much as thrown them away from his house, despite all the effort they had put into coming there in the first place. And yet, she couldn't have disregarded his words completely, not with the sight of Arata riding his bike like a madman on the other side of the road and with the calm certainty echoing in Taichi's own voice.

It was his confidence that had made her regain her faith; his quiet presence and stubborn persistence that had prompted her to believe again, to follow the advice she surely would have disregarded if it had been nothing but words.

In a way, she was convinced that even if Arata hadn't shown up on his bike, or if she hadn't seen him for herself, it would have been enough to hear Taichi's comment to make her keep going.

After all, Taichi was never wrong.

She didn't always understand him – in fact, the last few months had shown her how little she did, how many things there were about him that she still couldn't comprehend, or things she had been too blind to notice. His confession to her a few weeks prior had been a blow, only made more painful by the following distancing that had led him all the way to giving up on karuta and their club.

The club they had built from scratch.

Had he really expected her to stay after that?

Her eyes welled up again, as she stared at the photo Arata had sent her – sent them both, she assumed, since it would have made no sense for him not to send it to Taichi as well. No matter how Arata felt about her, or how all of the sudden her two dearest friends had become rivals in more fields than karuta, the fact remained that Arata and Taichi were still friends to one another.

Or at least, she desperately hoped they still thought of each other in those terms.

More tears came and ran swiftly down her cheeks, the bright screen of her phone doing nothing to make her eyes sting any less, but then again, she could hardly bring herself to care. Vaguely aware of the other students standing around her as well as the glances they were currently giving her, she kept looking at the device, at the bright smiles Arata and his new teammates were giving her. They were so glad, so hopeful, so extremely enthusiastic...

They were everything the Mizusawa team had been in the photo she'd sent after they'd qualified for the nationals for the first time, even though she was pretty sure that she'd been crying of happiness in that one.

He will come back someday for sure.

The words came back to her again, once again proving that Taichi's guess hadn't been an incorrect one... Except this time, it was Arata's voice she was hearing and Taichi's name that was being pronounced. It was naive, foolish, even. For all she knew, Arata wasn't even aware that they had left their precious club and therefore, had no intention of going to Omi Jingu like he expected them to.

And yet... There was something about that message, or maybe about the way he looked in the photo that made her nearly certain that he did know, and that this particular email was not sent out to brag. It was meant to remind them of something – to prompt them to take action, just like their visit in Fukui had prompted him to do it before.

He had come back. And so would Taichi, in due time.

And she would let him, without nagging him or pressuring him, without begging him to come back for her sake. Right now, they both needed time to heal; and time she would grant him.

Right after she talked to him one more time.

She was back on her feet in no time, and running towards the library as if her life depended on it. She burst through the door with a force that was as unfitting to the place as it was characteristic of herself, a perfect reverse of her abnormally quiet behaviour that week. She came over to her desk with no hesitation, no waver in her step, and took the bag she'd left there before leaving right after. She missed the amused look the Empress gave her, as well as the proud twinkle of recognition that sparkled in her eyes.

Three minutes later she was out of the room, out of the school, racing towards the train station that was bound to take her to Taichi's home. She made it just in time, red and sweaty, and barely able to breathe, and yet, feeling more glad with herself than she had in the course of those miserable few weeks.

The satisfaction only made her push harder after she'd left the train – she had travelled that distance thousands of times by now and still, she was sure she had never covered it in such a short span.

She had no doubt that Taichi would have called her an idiot for straining herself so badly.

Smiling against the new lump that rose in her throat, Chihaya wiped away the tears that threatened to fall down from her lashes once more and took a deep breath, hoping that her eyes weren't as red as she was afraid they were. After all, the task she was about to commence was not an easy one; she didn't need her appearance to betray her inner state when she tried so hard to keep it concealed.

Especially as she still couldn't be sure who would answer the door this time.

Bracing herself, she took the final step and rang the bell, while simultaneously summoning all of her strength and will in order not to spin on her heel and run away at this most crucial point. She had been determined before, and that particular thing had not changed; however, the longer she waited on the steps of Taichi's house, the more she wondered why she was being made wait in the first place.

If Taichi was home... if he knew it was her and decided to ignore it...

Well, that would have been enough to discourage the fiercest soul, while at the time, Chihaya couldn't feel anything but the opposite of that.

She was vulnerable and she knew it; and the more time had passed, the more afraid she became of how – and when – her weakness might take over her eventually.

Right when she was about to give in to her anxiety and run away for real, the door opened to reveal none other than Taichi's dauntless mother. The sight made Chihaya's head spin a little, but she pulled herself together quickly, for once feeling that her quest was more important than any of the glares or remarks she may receive in return.

Bowing low before her host, she choked out desperately, "Please forgive me for the interruption. I need to see Taichi. Is he at home?"

She knew it was not a perfect greeting and certainly not judging by Mrs. Pressure's sky-high standards. Still, she could not afford more; every word she pronounced made her come closer to breaking apart again, and the last thing she wanted was to make a spectacle of herself before any of the Mashima family members.

She supposed it was inevitable when she finally stood face to face with Taichi, but that was no reason to let herself crumble before that time.

"Taichi is at the cram school, preparing for his exams." Reiko's cold, impassive answer roused her from her musing. "He'll be going there regularly this year. Has he not told you that?"

"I-" Chihaya stuttered ineloquently, which obviously earned her another stern look from Taichi's mother. She shook her head and straightened up, intent on not bringing even more confusion into this already difficult conversation. "I suspected he might be doing that. I know how serious he is about medical school... But the last few weeks have been a little chaotic for us all, so we didn't get to talk much."

Reiko raised an eyebrow at her.

"Chaotic, you say?"

"Yeah – yes."

"And that's what you need to talk to him about?"

Chihaya felt her heart speed up – the feeling all the more unexpected as at the same time, she could swear her blood had run ice cold in her veins – however, she remained unmoved. Gathering her courage once again, she raised her gaze to look the other woman directly in the eye and replied, "It is. So if... If you could tell me when you expect Taichi to be back home, I will be most grateful."

She waited breathlessly, her whole body itching to flee. Taichi wasn't there; he wouldn't be there for some time, hence, there was literally no point of her staying any second longer than absolutely necessary. She didn't expect his mother to be particularly helpful, either, given the kind of attitude she had always displayed towards her...

...and yet, she stuck around anyway.

As long as Reiko didn't tell her to give it a rest and go home, she would not retreat. As long as there was the tiniest spark of hope to hold onto, she would not back down.

"I don't know that," she heard her answer at last. "He was supposed to return more than an hour ago, however, he called me to say that he would be staying longer. Apparently he has found his tutor to be extremely competent, so he wants to make the most of it before regular school work kicks in too hard. I asked him when he intended to return, but even Taichi couldn't tell me that. I would not expect him for another hour, however, maybe more... So I'm afraid you won't be able to see him at all today."

"I... I see," Chihaya stammered in response, her voice barely above a whisper. "Thank you for telling me. I'll be on my way then. Have a good night, ma'am."

She bowed again and turned around at last, quiet and stunned, her whole posture slumping under that unwelcome new development. She shouldn't have been surprised – shouldn't have been upset. She had assumed that Taichi might not be at home before she'd even reached his household, and the view of his mother opening the door for her had only confirmed her suspicions. The fact that Taichi had decided to stay at the cram school and study longer was hardly astonishing, either – she'd known him long enough to expect nothing less from him.

He could be the most ambitious, most stubborn person she'd come across, if only he chose to be – and, while her own ambitions made her hot-headed and inattentive, her greediness always making her spread herself too thin... Taichi could still remain organised and composed, setting up plans and following them despite the many obstacles that came in his way.

And given how determined he seemed to burn all of his bridges and cut all the ties now...

Focusing on cram school seemed like the most obvious choice.

And yet, as unsurprising as it was, learning that particular bit of information still managed to leave her feeling empty, as if all hope, all expectations she had built up so far had been sucked out of her by the use of one simple statement. Up until the very last moment, Chihaya had hoped that she might still be able to speak to him that day – even if it meant wandering around the place for the next hour, waiting for Taichi to return, even if it meant going to her own home and then coming back after she received the news of him arriving.

Now, it was clear that neither was possible.

Behind her, she could hear the sound of a door closing. She had to bite her lip to stop it from trembling, but refused to show the signs of resignation that were slowly but surely taking over her. She told herself that it wasn't much of a deal; after all, she and Taichi still attended the same school so if she tried hard enough, she should be able to reach him without that much trouble. It would be difficult and awkward, what with all those people around them... But it wasn't impossible.

If they could reach Arata and get him to respond, then approaching Taichi surely had to be possible as well.

She was mere feet away from the pavement when she felt her phone buzz. It was more of a reflex than anything else, but she pulled it out anyway, not even bothering to guess who it was that was messaging her now. It could have been her mum, or Chitose, or maybe one of the karuta club members wanting to learn how she was faring – after all, just because she'd taken a break from the game and left the club didn't mean that they had stopped being her friends. It could have even been Arata, for all she cared, sharing more information about his own brand new team or asking about why she'd decided to leave hers...

Any other time, she would have had a million ideas as to who might have been the sender and responded enthusiastically to each and every one of them.

Right now, however, there was only one person from whom she wanted to hear.

Sadly, he was also the one person who sure as hell wouldn't have contacted her.

Only after turning the corner did she stop to look at the device in her hand, while silently praying that the message would not require her immediate response, and certainly not a lengthy or particularly eloquent one. She stopped short at the sight of an unfamiliar email address and the message that demanded no reply at all.

It was an address.

"But who would..." she whispered, bemused, her eyes once again glued to her phone screen and a message she'd had no reason to expect. Her question lingered in the air, unfinished as she reread the message, once, twice, three times. She knew the name of the street; the name of the institution mentioned also rang a bell, even if she couldn't quite put her finger on it yet. She nearly jumped when the device vibrated again, announcing the arrival of another message, and from the same person no less.

Taichi's cram school isn't far off from here, you should be fine going there on foot. I take it you can find your way there.

Chihaya's eyes were wide as she skimmed that most recent email, now more than ever astonished with what she was reading. Who could have sent her the address of Taichi's school and with a commentary so direct and – in a way – casual? And now, after she had just talked to his mother and was sent on her merry way? Was it Rika, Taichi's little sister, who had overheard the conversation and decided to help her out behind her mother's back? They weren't exactly friends, if anything, Chihaya would have said that Rika's attitude towards her was just as haughty and belittling as that of Reiko... However, if not her, then who?

Surely, it couldn't have been...

"Mrs. Pressure?!" she cried abruptly, and so loudly that the passer-bys on the parallel streets could be seen startling at the noise. As for Chihaya, her brow rose even higher when she'd shifted her gaze back to the enigmatic email address which under closer inspection proved to be that of Mashima Reiko, indeed. The sudden turn of events made her head go dizzy, just like the sight of the aforementioned woman had just a few minutes earlier.

So she doesn't completely hate me... Chihaya thought, a weak but warm smile blossoming on her overly tired face. Or at least, she doesn't think it would be harmful for me to see Taichi now, which on its own is a big thing. Or does she...

Does she realise how unhappy Taichi is right now and thinks I can help with that?

"Or maybe she knows he hates me and wants me to find out for myself," she added under her breath, her lips curving in a grimace. "I can never tell what that woman really thinks."

She shook her head again, however, ashamed of the reaction she'd just displayed, and even dared to voice. Whatever her intentions were, the message Reiko had sent was a huge help, for which Chihaya decided to remain eternally grateful, regardless of how her talk with Taichi went in the end.

Plus, there was something about that email, something she couldn't point out but felt nonetheless, which seemed much more like a blessing than a trap to her.

Maybe she was being a naive airhead again, but that was what she chose to believe.

"Alright, it's time for action then!" she told herself and slapped her cheeks, this time bringing to herself the attention of the fellow human beings walking down the street. Focused on her goal, she remained ignorant to their reactions and continued in the same manner, without a trace of hesitation in her, "If I get this right, Taichi is about twenty minutes on foot away from here. I can make it ten. I will make it eight!"

She broke into a run right then and there, not even bothering to put her phone away, and not because she thought she might need to check the address again. She was already late; she couldn't afford a second more.

She'd already screwed up so badly: when Taichi had confessed his love to her and she couldn't have brought herself to answer him openly; when they still practised together but she was too overwhelmed to respond even to the tiniest of signals; when she'd missed the moment when he'd made up his mind about leaving the karuta club; when she had ran after him when she'd finally learnt that but instead of trying to help and understand him, she'd once again focused on her own selfish needs and begged him not to leave her.

Day after day she'd gone on screwing up even more, unable to find the right words she should speak to him, or maybe simply having been too much of a chicken to approach him with the ones she'd had in mind.

He'd called himself a coward, while the only one deserving of that name was her.

I won't mess up again, she repeated to herself in between her long strides. I won't let my fears take the better of me. I'll get to you, Taichi, I'll find you and talk to you and make sure you hear every single word this time. So wait for me! Don't go home just yet, don't make me miss you again! I will reach you this time!

Her eyes were full of tears again, and not because of the wind and dust that blew in her face. She wiped them hastily, again and again, but it was of little use; and yet, while the dark smudges marked her cheeks, her smile grew wide, once again mirroring the hope that seemed to have left her. The faster she ran, the more tired she was, the greater and more positive the emotions that filled her heart became.

Taichi's words resonated in her mind but they were no longer a threat; somewhere along her feverish race they'd turned into a dare, a challenge she had to rise to. It wasn't going to be easy – she still couldn't give him the reaction he wished for, but she could at least face the truth of his feelings towards her and respond to that truth with a clear, honest answer.

He was her best friend in the entire world. And even if he still needed her to step away for a time, she refused to call it anything but a temporary change.

She was willing to give him space and freedom, if that was what he wanted from her – but she could not imagine a scenario in which she let their friendship end without putting up a fight first.

She wasn't capable of letting him go like this.

She was way too greedy for that.

And she cared for him too much.

"I love you," he had said. "I love the fingernails that you never grow. I love your fingers and your hair, and the mouth you open wide like an idiot. I love your face when you laugh. I love you."

He'd found so many ways to tell her the same, single truth, when he could have easily backed off. Taichi was clever, there was no way that he couldn't grasp her reaction from the very first moments of that stunned, hollow silence that had come over them because she couldn't have uttered a single word on her part. He'd known that she would not respond in kind, that she would not accept him, no matter how long he might have waited for her.

She knew their friendship meant the world to him, too, and so he'd had every reason to retreat and turn the tables again. If he had told her it was a joke – if he'd said that it was just a dumb prank and she was silly to take any of it seriously, she would have believed him.

And yet, he hadn't. In fact, he'd done the opposite, pushing forward until it was all out in the open. Every feeling he'd suppressed, every ounce of affection he'd spent years hiding from her, it was there; even if it hadn't resonated fully in his words, it'd still been reflected in his body, his expression, in the way he'd looked at her. Those big, bright eyes so full of tenderness she'd never been allowed to see, or maybe simply had failed to recognise.

"I love you, I love you, I love you."

He had given himself up, made himself completely and entirely vulnerable. Hers to take, and hers to reject. He had offered her his heart, even though he must have known how slim his chances had been.

She had taken that heart and crushed it, and hadn't even had the guts to tell him why.

She arrived at the cram school, one full minute before her proclaimed eight. She stood there for a while, panting, gasping for air she couldn't take well because she kept choking on her sobs. Her hair was a mess, long locks sticking out in all directions while her face was smeared with the mixture of her tears and the dust that had accumulated on her cheeks when she'd dashed towards her destination, the result only made worse by her constant rubbing when she'd tried to wipe the tears away.

She sure was glad that she wasn't wearing any mascara that day – though on the other hand, she very much doubted that it would have changed much.

Focus, she chided herself, simultaneously reaching up to comb her hair with her fingers and contemplating whether or not she should bind it. I'd say it doesn't matter how I look – I'm not here to make an impression, only to talk to him. But Taichi is perceptive... he will notice that something is wrong. And I don’t want him thinking about me today.

She took a deep breath, then another. She straightened up and squared her shoulders, readying herself in the same way she had before ringing at the Mashima residence earlier on, her left hand still buried in the maze of fair strands, while she rummaged through her bag with her right. Somehow, she managed to find a – moderately – clean towel that she could use to clear up her face. She got to work right after, still unsure of how much time she actually had, yet determined not to waste a second.

She didn't have a mirror to look into and make sure that she was presentable enough. She was Ayase Chihaya, a pretty nitwit who never remembered to carry anything that girls like Chitose (her own sister) or Hanano (her surprisingly supportive friend) would have deemed indispensable in a young girl's bag.

A true beauty in vain who couldn't even make sure that she looked decent enough when it mattered.

She heard a noise coming from in front of her and raised her gaze instinctively. With her eyes fixed on the front door, she pricked up her ears, waiting for another sound to come and carry the information she was so eager to learn. Was it Taichi that had made the first one? Was it because he was close to the door, preparing to leave? Or was the sound a random one, and not an announcement of his departure? What was the chance that it had been him that had made it?

She waited impatiently but no other noise came. She supposed it was to be expected – the one she'd heard before was probably caused by some incident, like someone walking into a trash bin, so definitely not something people did every day. Besides, even if it had been someone readying themselves to leave, what reasons did she have to think it would be Taichi she'd see come out?

It was foolish to expect him right after she'd got there.

Timing like that didn't happen in everyday life.

And yet, as if to refute her scepticism with a miracle that should not have been possible, the door cracked open, and she saw Taichi standing in it. With one hand on the handle and one foot over the threshold, his body was still mostly turned to the inside of the building as he said his goodbyes to whoever was in charge. Posed like this, he obviously couldn't see her; but it was only a matter of seconds before he turned again and crossed the doorstep, and then he would have no choice but to face her.

For what seemed like a hundredth time that day, Chihaya felt her heart slow down so much that it seemed to have stopped beating at all, only to pick up its pace with double force a short moment later.

She wasn't ready to meet him and yet, all she prayed for was that he wouldn't run away from her before she could tell him what she had come to say.

Lost in her pleading, she instinctively closed her eyes and thus missed the very moment she'd been so anxious to come upon. It was right after her eyelids closed and her head lowered in a small bow that Taichi did turn around and saw her – and she was too busy clenching her fists and muttering wishes to witness it.

Too much of a mess to properly greet him.

She didn't see the shock that reflected on his countenance when he recognised her. His widened eyes and raised brow, the slight gap between his parted lips, the way his cheeks flushed against his knowledge and will – it was all lost on her, not because she didn't care but because she cared too much.

They stood like this for a while: he, unable to speak because of his astonishment and she, so determined not to miss her chance that she'd become unaware of the world around her. If Taichi had decided to walk past her, she wouldn't have noticed until he was a good few metres behind her.

She would have missed the chance the Heavens had granted her, and all because she was so afraid of that very thing happening.

And yet, the same Taichi who had done his best to ignore her at school – the same boy she'd expected to flee at the sight of her or at best, to say his 'hello' coolly and leave her behind right after – the same boy still stood at the top of the stairs that led to the building, eyeing her cautiously, unhurriedly, as if it was both the first and the last time he'd been given the chance to look at her like that.

His face showed a full range of emotions, from surprise to confusion, to anger, to eagerness, before he eventually managed to summon his trademark stoicism and successfully hide all of those feelings behind a mask of indifference he'd been forced to wear before her so many times before, for both their sakes.

Lost in her thoughts, Chihaya didn't see any of that.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. The simple question was enough to make her bubble pop and spatter into a thousand million drops, a soft, warm mist that now fell down around her. "Shouldn't you still be at school, studying? Or I don't know, at home?"

Unlike the burning feelings swirling inside her, Taichi's words were cold, icy even. His tone bore no emotion and his face was, yet again, an inscrutable mask, one that she'd come to hate so fiercely, because she now knew how much was hidden underneath.

"Why, Taichi? Why do you do everything alone?"

Why don't you trust us?

Why don't you trust me?

He hadn't trusted her before – how could she expect him to trust her now?

"I couldn't focus in the library," she replied, a little too fervently, just like she always did. "I tried for hours, but I wasn't learning anything."

Taichi turned his head away, huffing. "Nothing new there. But that hardly explains why you are here."

"You weren't at home. Your mum gave me this address."

"And why were you at my home of all places?" he asked again, his aloofness fading away a little in favour of genuine curiosity, although it was clear that he still wanted to keep some of his walls standing. "You haven't been there in ages, it's not like you've had a chance to leave something behind and had to pick it up. And no offence, but hell will freeze over before my mother invites you for a chitchat."

"I wasn't there to see your mum," Chihaya answered him. Her gaze was still locked with his and her chin was raised high, as if she'd wanted to prove that his frigid responses weren't enough to intimidate her... but her voice was quiet and certainly not as firm as she would've liked it to be. Still, she kept going. "I came to see you. And you weren't there."

"But why?" Taichi wouldn't give up. "Why didn't you just look for me at school today? Or, if it was more recent, why not tomorrow? Gosh, Chihaya, you could have called me..."

"Don't you act as if it was so easy to catch you between classes," she replied with annoyance, her usual fire kicking in again. "I barely see you at all. And it's not something I want to talk about on the phone, either."

Silence fell over them again, Chihaya's words still echoing between them. She was looking at Taichi now, and so this time, she could see the change in his features perfectly. The alterations weren't big: a slightly more focused gaze, the most insignificant narrowing of his eyes, the fingers that twitched as if they'd been about to curl into fists but were stopped violently at the very last moment.

Her own vision had never been anywhere near as good as her hearing; she wasn't the most observant person, either. In fact, most of the time, she was downright oblivious...

And yet, she hadn't missed any of his microexpressions this time.

"Stupid," he said eventually, thrusting his hands into the pockets of his trousers and fixing his eyes on the ground before him. "What could you possibly have to say that I need to hear in person?"

And there it was, the susceptibility he'd been trying so hard to conceal but failed to do so in the end, not because he hadn't worked hard enough but because Chihaya's senses made it impossible for her to fall for any pretence on his part. It wasn't just her hearing, or just the fact that she'd known him for years, or even that she was more concentrated now than she had been in the toughest, most demanding of matches – but the combination of all those, additionally supported by her own enhanced sensitivity, that had made it possible for her to see through his defences more clearly than when he had taken them down for her himself.

She did it against his will and against his wishes, and somehow, it worked miraculously.

"You're not a coward!" she exclaimed with as much passion as she could muster, loudly, confidently, despite the tears that were once again gathering in back of her eyes and the tightening of her throat that she couldn't have prevented. "You said you wanted to become someone who isn't one, but that would mean that you are a coward now, and must change to achieve that. And I refuse to believe that!"

She inhaled sharply and blinked in order to keep the annoying, salty drops from falling down too soon. Her golden irises shone with tears and zeal alike; captivated by the vision, Taichi failed to use his only chance to interrupt her speech this time.

"You're not a coward," she repeated, with the same tenacity ringing in her tone. "Even if that's what you think you are, or what you were back then... It doesn't matter anymore. It's all in the past, Taichi, because you have already changed. Without even realising it, you've grown, so much that sometimes I catch myself not recognising you, regardless of how long we've known one another. Just those last two years we spent together prove beyond doubt that you couldn't be further from giving in to your fears and giving up, which is exactly what cowards do. You're ambitious and determined, and you don't let failures get in your way.

"And if you still think this isn't enough," she picked up after another short pause. "If you still need evidence greater than that... Then know that telling me about what happened when we were in sixth grade – telling me about what really happened to Arata's glasses, and after all these years... That is the greatest sign of courage to me."

She didn't say anything else, letting her words reverberate, not expecting to receive an answer to her ardent, most heartfelt speech, but leaving it for Taichi to discern and interpret for himself. She hadn't come here to argue with him, after all. The subject was still too sore for them both and besides, she knew that no discussion could do them any good.

She'd come to meet him to tell him this one specific thing, because something in her had told her that it was important and that Taichi should be allowed to hear it as well. It was the one burden she could lift from his shoulders and therefore, she had to. She knew that, compared to all the misery she'd caused him, it was not even a beginning of repayment... However, she had to do something.

She wasn't going to do more, though. She wasn't wanted here anymore, she wasn't needed. She'd fulfilled her quest and was not eager to cross the boundaries again.

Slowly, attentively, she bowed her head and cast down her eyes, a silent 'goodbye' that was better left unsaid.

Then she turned and walked away towards the gate.

It took all of her strength not to break into a sprint again.

[alias-b]

Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me

California, 1992. Billy Hargrove and Camille Harper built their future in an endless, red hot summer. Everything changes with a splash of pale blue. Billy x OC! Camille Harper

A/N: The baby one shot I promised everyone! Occurs after my fic, "Without The Lights." Warning, I get into the not pretty side of pregnancy and Camille struggles with her illness. Sexual content. TW: graphic description of birth and postpartum depression. Mention of death and past torture. Cross posted here on AO3

1992

   She’d been late.

   Camille Harper was never late to anything.

   Then, she’d taken ill. Scents that used to thrill her in the morning like fresh coffee, fluffed pancakes, and scrambled eggs sent her scurrying into the bathroom.

   Billy looked up from his desk, covered in different lead pencils and scattering papers. Grotesque concept art for an upcoming horror film he’d been working on. Still pretty as a picture. Less of a baby in the face, but still just as sweet. Sprinkle of facial hair and lashes for days.

   “Ugh, so much for sleeping in Saturday.” Camille gargled mouthwash, spat, and wandered out. Brown hair grown out and piled up in a bun. Billy’s arm snaked around her hips, bringing her into his side. A temple pressed into her nightgown. “I don’t want to get you sick.”

   The back of his knuckle drew along her forehead. Cool metal of his wedding ring chilled.

   “No fever. You probably ate something last night, I told you the shrimp was a bad idea.”

   The very word ‘shrimp’ almost made her hurl again.

   “We’re not trying that place again.” Camille kissed the top of his head. Curls longer like a rockstar around his shoulders. “I have a new case to prepare for the office Monday.”

   “Boy or girl?” Billy set his pencil down and watched her plop into the couch.

   “Girl.” Camille frowned, rubbing her head. “She’s got a wall up, this one. Office likes me so her case is mine. Arthur thinks it’s a good match, but I’m actually nervous.”

   “Arthur this and that.” Came a scoff. “School buddies who ended up at the same office. Pshh.”

   “Arthur is taken now and quite happy.”

   “Who swept him off his perfect feet so he’ll quit bothering my wife?”

   “Lovely man named Stanley.” Camille laughed when Billy gave a double take. “Went drinking together while you played with latex masks last Thursday.”

   “It was crunch time. I’m sure your new case will be fine. Brilliant Dr. Harper. Blazing through all that schooling and study abroad. Almost in the clear.” Billy mused, switching his light off. “We’ll see if they like this new design I got. Tea?”

   “Yes, please.” Camille slid down the couch, pulled a fuzzy blanket into her body while Billy went into the kitchen. Cozy apartment they could afford. Walls covered in memories. Photos and degrees. She clicked the remote and settled on a light movie. Look Who’s Talking.

   A campy opening of sperm headed toward a dropped egg after a mini love scene with Kirstie Alley. Camille sighed, rubbing her head before something clicked the same moment hot water howled from the tea pot in the kitchen.

   “Oh, shit.” She shot up. Blinked. “No way.” They hadn't exactly been trying. But, they hadn't not been trying.

   “Getting your Travolta fix?” Billy set a mug down and Camille blinked at him.

   “Ah, yeah.” She shot up. “I just remembered...I was supposed to hit the drug store. We’re out of...everything.”

   “Everything? I’ll drive you to the store.” Billy chuckled.

   “No, it’s just around the corner, I need the walk. Fresh air. No shrimp.” Camille skidding around him to toss clothing on their bed. Dressing in jeans and a tee. “Keep working. Need anything?”

   “I’d kill for a Milky Way.” He shrugged, plopping back into his seat. Camille was hopping around to put some shoes on. Sun from outside caught his face and she pressed her lips, kissing his cheek.

   “I’ll bring you something sweet.”

   Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Camille nearly jogged down the steps from the fourth floor. Grabbed a basket when she got to the mini-mart and tossed randoms items they needed in. Billy’s candy included. Stopped in a section that made her cold.

   Pregnancy tests.

   “Jeez.” She mulled over boxes before snatching one.

   Ignored the idle way the clerk peered at her stomach when he rang it up. Christ. California sun and wind swept against her body. Usually it set her at ease, but a ball of nerves sank into her stomach when she took the elevator back up. Billy was on the couch now, looking up as she tossed the candy into his lap.

   “You okay?”

   “Feeling sick again.” Camille half lied and went into the bathroom. Locked the door. Stared at the clear plastic curtain as she peed on a stick. Washed her hands and pulled at her watch. It ticked slower to spite her.

   “Camille?” Billy knocked. “Something’s up.”

   “Ah, just a second,” she paced, “give me just another second.”

   “Let me help.”

   “Oh, believe me...you did.” She sat on the side of the tub. Stared at the colored tiles. So many to count. Billy exhaled on the other side of the door. Didn’t leave. “Billy, I’ll be fine.” Her own tone shook.

   Did she want this?

   Were they ready?

   How was she going to feel if it’s nothing?

   How was she going to feel it it’s blue?

   Camille didn’t have time to think through each possible dream because reality spoke for her.

   Blue. Crystal clear sky.

   “Camille.” Billy jimmied the lock until the door popped open. She looked up in tears.

   “...Is that?”

   “Blue.” She breathed with one fist curled to her chest. Burst into tears. Unable to tell if they were happy or sad. She just needed to cry. Billy swept toward her.

   “Hey, hey. I got you.” Billy kissed her cheeks until she was soothed. Held her there while she clung to his shoulders.

   “It’s blue.”

   “What’s...that mean?” Billy met her eyes. “You’re...”

   “Blue.” Camille said again. Licking her lips before they pressed. “I’m pregnant.”

   “We’re having a baby?” Billy blinked at her. She waited for him to panic. But, he smiled. So bright that it made her burn with jealousy to be confused about it. “We’re having a baby!”

   Billy grabbed his wife. Held her close to him. Settled Camille just a little, she tried to feed off his glow.

   “Ninety nine percent accuracy. We need to, ah, go to a doctor first.” She let Billy pull her up. Out into the living room.

   Why was she riddled with confusion and anxiety while he bubbled with excitement? He danced her around to no music like a true romantic.

   “Let’s not...say anything until we go. I’ll make an appointment. After my meeting Monday?”

   “Yeah, yeah.” He swept hair aside and smiled again, so youthful. Kissed her there in the sun. Meanwhile, she felt life being sucked into a swirling pit. Billy tugged Camille into the couch, nestled her into his chest. “Are...Are you happy?”

   “I’m… Blue “...something.”

** ** **

   It was real. Confirmation at the doctor and life turned in on itself. People were careful with her. Work tried to withhold cases she’d fought for.

   She had a woman’s condition. They treated Camille like it was fatal.

   “Jim? Are you still there?”

   A thud on the other end was followed by scrambling.

   “Camille?” Joyce had the phone now. “Jim, get up.”

   Camille laughed that time.

   “Your father’s fine, just shocked. Oh, Jim, stop being dramatic!” Came some bickering.

   “I’m going to be a grandpa!” There was more laughter on their end.

   “Can you two stop kissing in my ear already?” Camille twirled the cord and stretched her legs out into Billy’s lap. Let him massage her ankles. “We wanted to know...if you guys would come down for the birth. Should be early November, I’m due.”

   Billy started counting something on his fingers, earning a soft kick.

   “Max and El already freaked. Letting them follow me to UCLA was such a mistake.” Camille joked. Mike and Lucas in Washington. Will and Dustin following Nancy and Jonathan to New York. Steve, Heather, and Robin living blissfully in Chicago. Rumor had it Regan and Kali turned up there too.

   “You’re listening to the doctors, right?” Jim turned stern. Such a dad.

   “You know it,” Camille brought the phone away, “Billy, you want to pass me a beer?” He just snorted.

   “Hey, none of that.” Jim was in her ear. “We’ll fly over now.”

   “No need. We’re fine. We’ll figure things out when it gets closer, yeah? Telling work was mortifying enough. But, we got the leave figured out. Arthur’s been such a help. Don’t worry about anything.” Camille sighed when Billy’s hands worked up her legs. Had to slap him out of her skirt.

   “Congrats, Camille! Billy, you tell Susan?” Joyce stole the phone.

   “We heard her crying from over here. Same with Grace. She and Elliott choked him near to death. Billy also tells me that Miss Mayfield was set up with a certain middle school teacher, how the hell did that happen?”

   “Mr. Clarke can be quite charming,” Joyce chirped and a groan erupted from Jim, “passes Susan’s little boutique on the drive to the school every day. Started stopping in. Flirting in his way. I couldn’t tell you.”

   “Glad Rosemary’s former team was willing to do us some favors and help her out with that.” Camille was still squirming away from Billy’s advances. His lips on her neck. “Well, I should go. But, any and all advice is wanted.”

   “She already tore through all the mommy books in the library. Ignore her.” Billy stole the phone. “Hops. Can I call you Pops now?”

   “If I can call you, dead.” Jim smiled when Joyce swatted his chest.

   “I expect you to spoil my kid.”

   “Will do. Make sure Camille takes it easy.”

   “Oh, I will.” Billy said goodbyes and pushed his hips into Camille’s, a sigh followed.

   “Hate you.” She settled her arms around his neck. A long kiss followed.

   “Valentine’s Day.”

   “Hm?” She went for his neck and jaw. Immersed in him.

   “By my count, we made her Valentine’s Day. Wonder if it was the car or the counter or the couch or the bed?”

   “I hate you...and it could have been the floor too.” She chuckled into his skin. Kissed him fiercely. The phone rang again. Billy reached over to snatch it.

   “Hargrove.” He let Camille paw at him. Twirling his hair about. Worshiping him with starry eyes. Billy’s own eyes opened and he pushed up with Camille still attached to him. “Why are you calling, I’ve told you-?”

   Camille let him go immediately. Saw the cold way he went rigid.

   “What?” Billy sounded breathless. “I...”

   “Billy?” Camille touched his face when his eyes welled.

   “Fine, just don’t call here again.” The phone slammed and he was up. Pacing. Rubbing his eyes.

   “Billy, who was that?” Camille hurried after him. Tried to tug at his arms but he slipped off.

   “Just...give me a second.” He didn’t make it into their room. Collapsed to the floor and covered his face.

   “Billy!” She gathered her husband into her chest. He just sobbed. “Billy, who was that?”

   “...Neil. He's been trying to call.”

   “You didn’t tell me that.”

   “I didn’t want to freak you out. I kept hanging up. I was terrified you’d pick up and he’d...” Billy sniffled. Clung to her. Cried more. Camille petted curls helplessly. Kissed blond hair and soft cheeks all better. “He’s sick.”

   “What?”

   “He’s dying. Cancer. Not the kind you get better from.” Billy lifted. “Don’t know why I’m crying about it, I’ll be glad he’s… He asked to see me. How can he fuck up my life and then just…?”

   Disappear.

   “Where is he?”

   “Colorado.” Billy wiped his eyes. “Fuck him.”

   “Do you...want to go?”

   Billy thought of Neil with his skin sunken and yellow. No longer handsome. Rasping at him from a mattress. Pissing himself. Dying alone in a cold bed like his father before him. He turned to Camille and cupped her stomach.

   “No, I don’t.” A long kiss into her abdomen. “I want to hold our baby. Take her to the park. Make her feel safe. I promise I’ll never...” He stopped. Blinked several times. I’ll never be like Neil. Nuzzled into Camille’s neck. “I love you.”

   “I love you too.” She let Billy’s broad body sink into her. Brought him to bed where they could wrap each other up. Feverish and dizzy until he pushed inside her. Melted their mouths. Gasped into her neck. Succumbed to the sweltering heat. He sought comfort and burrowed under her skin. Pushed fingers between thighs. Fucked her into the mattress while they reached peaks.

   Hours later, Camille heard Billy get up, thinking she’d fallen into slumber. Came to the door to listen.

   “Hey...” He said into the phone. Whispering. “No, you listen. I’m not… I don’t want to see you. I’ll just remember you healthy. Able enough to give hard lessons. I just...wanted to call and say Camille and I are having a baby… I think it’s a girl.”

   There was silence for a few beats.

   “We’re going to name her Sara and she won’t be learning hard lessons. She won’t be afraid of me like I...” Billy paused.

   Life flashed these vivid images of his childhood. His mother’s bracelet scattering across the pavement. That one moment Neil let him cling.

   “You ever think things could have been different for us, you know, after mom? I do. A lot. But, I can’t live in that… You beat the shit out of me. You hurt my wife. You hurt Susan and she’s still trying to move on. Max’s hair is all grown out and she won’t let anyone touch it. You won’t hurt my daughter. But, I’ll tell her about you. Tell her she had a grandfather who made bad choices and ended up…”

   “...Yeah, I think she’ll get the Hargrove jaw too.” Billy softened, lifted his eyes to the starlight beyond the window. Wondered if Neil was looking too. “I’ll tell her your name. Not much else. Hardest lesson I learned was realizing I’m not going to be like you. I’m sorry you wasted your life, I’m not going to. I’m going to be a good dad. I...just wanted to tell you that. That I'm in love still and I’m going to be a great father to my little girl. I’m going to keep her safe in this world. Goodbye, dad... We loved each other once.”

   Billy hung up. Curled into a ball to cry silently. Camille inched out until his head lifted. Arms came up to accept her there.

   “Shhh, I got you.” She tucked Billy’s head under her chin. “I’m so proud of you. You’re going to be an amazing daddy. I’m so lucky you’re mine. We’re going to be okay.”

   “God, I’m supposed to be holding you.” He chuckled at himself and Camille beamed.

   “We’ve got each other.”

   Neil Hargrove died in his sleep late April of 1992. Alone in a cold bed.

** ** **

   Camille’s belly turned into a mini planet Billy couldn’t stop kissing. Dealt with some fiery stares when he made comments about her swelling breasts. It was true, tired all the same, she glowed. Billy fed her odd cravings. Made her feel as sexy as he could until she was climbing atop him. Riding him because she needed it now and bad. He liked that part.

   A million baby books later, Billy became an annoying infant factoid machine.

   "Did you know if-?"

   "Billy," Camille groaned into the couch, "I want Thai food again."

   "I swear to god, Camille, our kid is going to come out trying to order a pad see ew, extra spicy."

   "...Two orders please."

   Billy was weak. He ordered her three to last her.

   Elliott, now eleven years old, took to painting seashells and starfish along her belly when she was stuck on the couch. Billy’s excitement never stilled. Only illuminated. So willing to learn this all. They cleared spaced. Decorated a little nursery all under the sea themed. Camille was more riddled with anxiety. Always steadying her breath. Talking to the little life inside her. Constant gifts and advice from friends helped from time to time.

   “Billy!” Elliott jumped up when he came home. “Think I could work in movies like you?”

   Camille was giggling. Hard. Her shirt pulled over her stomach painted with the shark from Jaws.

   “Guess what we watched?”

   “It wasn’t even scary.” Elliott crossed his arms, ruffling waves of brunette hair. “That was kid stuff.”

   “Think so,” Billy swept him up, growling for effect. Baring teeth like a shark. Earned a giggle.

   “She cried again at a TV commercial.” Elliott whispered and Billy snickered.

   “I'm allowed to have emotions, you two. Roger is going to be here any minute.” Camille pushed up. “Who wants ice cream?”

   “Mint chip?” Elliott followed after her.

   “You know it, kid.” She braced one hand on her back and the other around his shoulders. Billy shook his head and dropped a bag on his desk. Water ran as Camille washed her belly off and Elliott pulled out a pint of ice cream with two spoons. “Your big brother doesn’t have our sophisticated taste in ice cream.”

   They shared a few bites over the counter. Camille groaned a little and pressed a spot on her stomach.

   “You’re doing that a lot, sissy.” The affectionate name he’d picked up when he was little never left. Camille felt a cramp well like a great wave.

   “Just my girl dancing around. Picking fights with my organs. She’s definitely going to be like her daddy. Want to feel?”

   Elliott smiled his toothiest grin and reached out. Let Camille press his hand to her side.

   “Spicy food and mint ice cream is all I want these days.”

   “My mom said she liked mac and cheese with tomatoes with me.” He gasped, feeling the baby. “She high-fived me!”

   “Billy kissed my stomach once and got a swift kick.” Camille snickered, scooping more ice cream to enjoy. Billy paced in, pecking her cheek before he stole a spoon and the strawberry pint in the freezer.

   “All mine.” He shrugged, eating. Camille hunched, moaning a few minutes later. “Camille, you sure you’re okay?”

   “It’s just minor...cramps. I’m fine. She’s not coming out for another two weeks.” Camille licked her spoon.

   “She’s been doing it all day. Like this...Oohh...” Elliott mirror a motion with his hand on his back and the other on his stomach. Billy raised his brow.

   “They’re far, far apart.” Camille turned to the ice cream and felt a pop. A gush of fluid like she’d peed herself. Billy’s spoon clattered.

   “Sissy?” Elliott took her hand because he was closest. “Cami, what’s happening?” Billy was at his wife’s side, holding her.

   “Her water broke.”

** ** **

   A million phone calls later and Camille was whimpering, pacing around a bed. Wobbling side to side. Bracing her hands to groan. She decided on a birthing center and midwife over a hospital. Place looked more like a hotel and had a hot tub for those births. Cozy space all for them.

   Billy held a lot of jokes back.

   “The baby book’s-”

   “Fuck the baby books!” Camille’s red face lifted. A demonic edge to her voice and even Billy backed up. “Photographic memory is worth shit!” He edged off. “Sorry, I’m...oh! I want drugs. I want my midwife! I want Thai food... It’s early!”

   “She’s on the way now. Jim and Joyce were on a plane an hour ago. Max is driving El here. Just breathe.”

   “Fuck my breathing!” She sounded truly possessed. Grabbing at Billy over the bed with some crazy burst of pregnancy strength. “I want drugs… What if she comes out hurt because it’s early. Or like me?”

   “She’s fine. Hey...” Billy pried her hand from his shirt and crossed around. “She’s going to be perfect.” He held her. Placed a kiss into hair. Camille’s face was blushed and beading with sweat. Limbs shook as she braced into the bed.

   “Camille!” A woman who could have bench pressed Billy hurried in. “Oh, poor girl. Keep breathing like I taught you.”

   “Ellen.” Camille winced. The girls were on a first name basis. Ellen was a former body builder and wrestler turned midwife. Lost some kids of her own and swore to help other girls keep their babies. “I can’t. I can’t.”

   “Might want to go get some ice chips, Bill.” She turned to him looking frantic and reeling it in. “Two cups.”

   “For her?”

   “For both of you. You’re in for a long night.”

   Billy scrambled. Passed the waiting room where Roger and Elliot sat for Grace and the rest of the family to arrive after driving the crying girl in.

   Hours of groaning and wailing. Women in other rooms joined in like a chorus of cries and soft birthing songs. Billy joked they were calling out to each other. Solidarity for the pain women were created to endure.

   “Camille, honey, you have to get up like this. Just like we practiced.”

   “I can’t,” she only moaned, shaking her head back and forth.

   “Daddy, she needs you. We’re almost there, I’ll be back in with assistance. She has to get into position.” Ellen continued, lighting a fire under Billy while he paced. The midwife jogged out into the hallway where more women vocalized together. Called out to ensure none felt alone in this.

   “Something’s wrong, she’s gonna come out like me.” The girl sounded delirious. Billy cupped Camille face, watched her eyes dart over his welling expression. “She’s gonna tear a part of me out and I can’t stop her.”

   “I want her to be like you.” Billy admitted.

   “Don’t say that.” A hand pulled for his shirt. Camille twitched with anger at him. “Don’t say that again!”

   “No, I hope she’s exactly like you and she’ll have parents who love her. We’ll teach her never to force a smile. That perfection is bullshit. I hope she’s like you, I have this entire time.”

   “The world’s going to swallow her.”

   “We won’t let that happen.” Billy smiled because he was so certain about that.

   “She’ll be in pain.”

   “And we’ll see her through that too. Pain happens. Means we're here sometimes. Means we're strong enough to fight through it and she won't be alone. You gotta get up, she needs you.”

   “Camille!” Another voice at the door.

   “Dad. Jim, you’re here.” She wheezed when Jim came to her with Joyce’s hand in his. Sprinkles of grey in his hair. Joyce pulled her brown locks back into a ponytail.

   “Hey, sweetheart, we’re all here for you.” She came around the bed. “Max and El want to come in, we got them to stay with the others. Just breathe, you’re almost there.”

   “How’re you holding up, punk?” Jim clapped Billy on the shoulder, earning a chuckle.

   “Just barely, Hops. Lots of ice chips.”

   “I swear by those, you might want more.”

   “She’s crushing my hand.” Billy lifted his near white palm. Camille’s digging fingers into his skin.

   “He did this to me,” Camille hissed. Another bout. Another groan that tore the room. Ellen was back at her side.

   “Camille, come up now, that’s my girl.”

   A growl ripped violently.

   Like a werewolf mid transformation.

   Camille huffed and got to her hands and knees. Thought to rip her flesh away and reveal fur and muscle hiding underneath. Teeth growing and sharp to stark points while her veins darkened.

   She could have torn through a forest. Howled at the moon. One last time.

   It glowed bright before her. Speckled with stars.

   She counted them to herself.

   “Hold on, here.” Ellen guided stirrups higher so she could grip them. Had her squatting on the bed. “Breathe.” The thin cotton of the gown was damp. Hanging from one shoulder. She growled and tore it open down the front. Veins pulsing and pushing. No drugs. Just a body built for agony. Miles of it. Nude and feral.

   Camille screamed at the moon this time. For gawking. Grabbed at Billy again while he helped brace her into position.

   She howled and other women howled back. A great echo into the unknown. Into the dark night. Wolves in a pack itching to run through wind and rustling trees. Feral bodies that were so often controlled by weaker beings. Free and shameless.

   Women were not always soft, they were hard edges of steel slicing skin to pieces. Teeth gnashing muscle and bone apart. Hot irons of a beating heart within a hollowed chest cavity. Camille led a brigade with her.

   “Big push now!” Came the command.

   Camille tossed her head back and roared. Succumbed to the flames and blood lust. Thought her bones would break and shift so she could become the beast. Bring the world to its knees.

   Ellen reached down, head lifting.

   “Camille, it’s time. Another big push for me.”

   Camille only braced herself. Bones chattering. Words echoed with encouragement from her family. From Billy as he held onto her. Ellen repeated herself from the right.

   “Ahhh!” Vocal cords vibrated and almost ripped apart. Teeth baring. A gasp when it reeled back. Sweat and blood dribbled down Camille’s quivering thighs.

   “Almost, sweetheart, almost. Keep pushing for us.”

   “I can’t, I can’t.” Came the chants. Jim thought to step forward as he watched her spine press out into skin, but Billy sprang into action.

   “You can do this.” He kissed her temple. “You can.”

   “I’m not ready, I can’t.” Camille cried so hard. Looked out at the sky.

   It was all blue.

   “Camille,” Billy murmured into her hair, “I love you. You can do this.”

   The stars glowed brighter beyond the window. She longed to reach out and catch one.

   “They’re singing to me.” She whispered more so to herself. Lips opening to howl and sing with them. The women echoing her calls. The stars waiting beyond the veil.

   She waited for fur to ripple her skin. For claws to grow long and sharp.

   “That’s it, Camille, push!” Ellen took one hand, guided it down to feel something warm and wet. Camille screamed and they helped her stay upright when something stronger and more youthful than her tore from a body built of steel and stardust. “Take your baby. She’s here. Cradle the head.”

   Camille was sobbing as she pulled a tiny mass to her bare chest. A fallen star she managed to grasp. It echoed her screams. More powerful and beet red. Slicked with blood and fluids.

   Unable to stay upright, she was guided back with Ellen and Billy’s help. Looked almost wild in the starlight. Bloodied and nude with her cub cradled close.

   The baby wailed over Camille until she quieted in a daze. It overcame her with so much ease. Felt like she was slipping into a warm bath. Endless pools. Unbothered by her nudity there in the wash of moon.

   “Look at her,” Billy gasped through tears. Kissed Camille’s cheek again. “I’m so proud of you, you did it. She’s beautiful.”

   She half expected him to say, my, my, what big eyes you have.

   “Congratulations, mommy and daddy.” Ellen was ushering her assistant around.

   Camille didn’t look down. Couldn’t. Not at this little pup that ripped from her. That howled with her at the moon. This beating heart she would nurture and teach to glow all neon and red. The baby felt its mother’s heart beating under her little head and made it her first lullaby. Camille felt for a moment, that she had no more life in her. No more fight to tear through the woods leading a pack of wailing women.

   “Let’s get her cleaned up.” Ellen pulled the whimpering infant away to tend to her. Camille sat sprawled there half naked with one leg hanging over the side. Her own fluids in a puddle beneath her. Warm and oddly comforting. Billy and the assistant worked to maneuver her into another mattress so the dirtied one could be rolled off.

   “Camille?” Billy cupped her face there against a plush pillow. Covered her body. “Hey.”

   “She’s just a little dazed.” Joyce was smoothing brown hair back. Hopper’s hand on her shoulder. “You did so good, honey.”

   Ellen pushed a peach bundle back into Camille’s arms without asking. Helped her cradle the head as she propped herself up into the pillows. Hazel eyes lowered to see her daughter at last.

   Bright, crystalline eyes. A full head of dark hair already. Blinking and still at her mother. Billy leaned into Camille’s shoulder with a tired grin. Fingers grazed his baby’s cheek. Lips lowered to feel the tufts of hair, to inhale the scent of new life. The urge to cry overshadowed her smile.

   “Sara Anne Hargrove, welcome to the world.” Billy said. “Halloween birthday, I’m jealous.” Glowing with vitality Camille didn’t feel as he spoke.

   She heard the other women crying out and mourned that she no longer had the strength to roar with them.

** ** **

   “She’s so tiny.” El glittered, cradling the baby with Jim’s help.

   “She makes that same squinty face Billy does, look.” Max joked. Both girls as tall as Camille. So grown up and out into this big world. Jim crossed to see Camille when Billy went into the hallway to sign some papers.

   “You okay, kid?” He tucked a strand of hair away. She stared beyond him at the moon.

   “I never asked you if it was okay. Her name.”

   “I think it’s perfect.” Jim smiled and Camille pressed her lips at him. “Joyce and I will stick around if that’s okay. Help you get situated.”

   “We’d appreciate that. Grace and Roger live a ways out.” Camille blinked, head back to see everyone fawning over the baby across the way.

   “You okay?” Jim felt a great distance pool within his kid.

   “I’m...” Blue. “A mother.”

** ** **

   Sara wouldn’t latch.

   It took extra help to get her to at the birthing center and Joyce assisted at home.

   “Give her a second.” Billy tried to help. Tried.

   “You want to do this?” Camille’s eyes snapped at him. He put his hands up in response.

   “I’ll start dinner.” He slunk away into the kitchen where Jim was. Max and El left because they had class the next day. Grace promised to come up as much as she could after kissing Billy a million times. Phone calls and cards poured.

   “Ah...” Camille wiggled in her seat. Perched on an extra pillow because everything below her waist was raw and padded. Her stomach went down slowly while her breasts ballooned. Sara suckled in her arms and Joyce only offered encouragement. “It hurts.”

   “They never tell you that in the books.” Joyce sighed. “Jonathan gave me all sorts of trouble too. You’ll get the hang of it.” Camille winced and settled her head back against the couch. Felt like she was just waiting for it to be over. Everyone gushed about this amazing connection they would share and here she was just floating.

   Maybe that was just something else to get the hang of.

** ** **

   Camille started to have dreams. Maternity leave only made her restless. She cried when Billy packed her files away into the closet. He’d gotten the first month to stay with her while she’d gotten three.

   And she wanted to go back.

   Billy didn’t dare ask why the urge to see these kids over her daughter quelled.

   So, Camille dreamed a lot on rare nights she got sleep.

   Barely ate.

   A white room with white sheets in a white bed. Camille in all white too. Doctors fussing as she bloodied the room with her mess. Her womanhood that was supposed to be kept in check. Sara crying. Screaming. Echoing.

   One doctor pulling his mask down. Smiling wider than a circus clown. Brenner.

   Camille tore up and screamed too until Billy started to shake her awake.

   Only one week in and she’s unraveling with dark circles and a broken in body.

   “Camille!” Billy just held her until she stopped.

   “No, no, I have to check on her.” She ripped away from him. Scrambled into the other room to hover over the crib. Sara sleeping soundly and undisturbed. A sigh.

   “Camille, come out, you’ll wake her.” Billy rubbed his eyes. She ignored him, felt around the window for a latch.

   “You left it unlocked.”

   “What?”

   “I told you to lock it last night.” Camille’s neck twisted with a heated expression. Eyes glinting like an animal.

   “She took awhile to sleep, I forgot,” he paused, “I’m sorry.”

   “They could come in and take her. In the dark. Just like that.” She seethed in a struggle to keep her voice low. Billy gently pulled her from the room and shut the door.

   “I’ll remember next time. Nothing can climb to the window.” He rubbed her shoulders. Only got pushed away as Camille checked the door. “Camille? Who...”

   “Brenner!” She burst and covered her mouth. “If she’s like me, they’ll come take her in the night. In the dark. They’ll take her away and make her a number. You'll die and I'll be rocking in some hospital.”

   “Brenner is dead. That won’t happen.” Billy realized her fears. Saw her eyes glimmer there. “That lab is dead, no one will come for her. She’s safe with us.” He sat her on the couch. Watched her quiver and hold herself. Head dropping. The baby monitor in their bedroom echoed a wheezy sound. “Come get back in bed, I got this one. You had her yesterday.” Billy sighed and tucked Camille in. Left.

   “Hey, you...some set of lungs you got.” Billy’s voice spoke through the haze of static. “There you go. I mastered the art of the diaper, I think I-no, no, don’t pee on, daddy. You weren’t done.”

   A giggle.

   “Yeah, I’m your daddy, Sara. Bet you have some freckles coming in. My mom says I had mine young too.”

   Camille pictured her husband at total peace. Seated in the rocking chair wagging his finger and smiling at their baby. Soothing her. It made her weep silently until she shoved a fistful of blankets into her mouth. Billy took to this life a duck to water.

   And she…

   She just fizzled and sunk. Dreamed of Brenner coming and Sara being torn away. Never knew what to say. What to do. Billy seemed to have it figured and that just made her feel behind and confused.

   “You are my sunshine...my only sunshine...” Billy sang and Camille covered her face. Blocked her ears because it was too much. He returned ten minutes later to hold her. Kissed her hair and uttered the sweetest I love you because he felt so fulfilled and lucky.

   Camille pretended to be asleep.

** ** **

   Breastfeeding hurt still.

   Second week. Camille never slept. Put on her brave face for family visits. But they saw it in her eyes. She sang to Sara and chatted with her. Changed her to perfection. Kissed her head. But, the connection. The emotions welled up like they were blocked in her throat.

   Her body healed and only felt lifeless. Like she was a puppet controlled by another. Strings twisted all along her limbs to make her flop along a stage. Little clumsy ballerina. Going through the motions. She only cringed when the baby cried.

   Sara needed her.

   And it made her shrink.

   She was mommy. Warm arms and shelter. A knowledge base that would mold their baby.

   That suffocated. Billy smiled and cooed and Camille looked away. He just seemed so happy. She felt wrong.

   Why didn’t that come for her too?

   “Camille, look, look.” Billy was lying on the couch, lifting Sara up as she giggled to no end. Little limbs flailing. She bubbled a raspberry and he chuckled.

   Camille stood there in the kitchen doorway and averted her eyes.

   “Come sit with us.” He pushed up, nestling Sara into his lap.

   “I’m going to ask if I can go back early. To work. They need me.”

   “Uh,” Billy tread carefully, standing, “it hasn't even been a month. We’re still figuring this out. Take the time. You earned it.”

   “I can work part time.” Camille said it without any emotion. Not blinking. Staring at his feet while Sara wiggling there into his chest and played with blond curls.

   “I don’t want to make this choice for you, but I think it’s a bad idea. We haven’t even figured out our hours when we go back. Babysitters. Camille, don’t push it-...why won’t you even look at her?”

   Billy said that without even thinking. Camille’s eyes glinted at him.

   “What?”

   “It’s like you want nothing to do with us anymore.”

   “That’s not true.”

   “Well, look at her then. Hold her. We made her and she’s perfect.”

   “Billy.” Camille backed up. Touched her palms to her ears. Didn’t know how to not hear this. “Stop it. I’m fine… Stop saying that word.”

   “Huh?”

   “Perfect, she doesn’t have to be-”

   “You know what I mean.” He eased. Camille vibrated there. Paranoid. Manic. Lost. Went around him and slammed a door. Sara jilted. Started to cry as he bounced her. “Hey, no, you’re fine. Mommy’s just upset. She’s tired. She’s just tired.”

   Camille slid down the door. Cried there because she scared her little girl. She made her baby cry. She was a bad mother. These thoughts chanted until she was covering her ears again. Got into bed and curled into the tiniest ball she could.

   Something strange happened as she shook and wept there. Her fist beating into her shoulder. Punishing herself for being bad until sleep crept. A bad mommy. Bad. Bad. Bad. The skin purpled with a bruise that next morning. Camille felt Billy stirring behind her.

   They slept apart.

   “Hey, I gotta go pick up some stuff. I’ll grab groceries.” He kissed her head. “Might be a few hours.”

   “Okay.” Camille rasped, eyes on the wall. On the rain trickling outside.

   “Camille, last night, I-”

   A whimper on cue from the monitor.

   “I got her. She’s hungry.” A robe pulled over her nightgown. Over the bruise. She couldn’t look at Billy as she left. Plucking Sara up, she went out to the couch to feed her. Her husband appeared dressed and eyed her carefully.

   “I’ll be back soon.” Billy reassured her. Hesitated at the door before he lifted his eyes. “Love you.”

   “...Love you.” Camille said quieter. Let the TV drone. Billy locked the door and didn’t make it to his Camaro. Instead pushed coins into a payphone.

   “Yeah? Hello?” A tired voice answered from a hotel room.

   “Jim.” Billy swallowed. “Hey, I...”

   “You alright, Billy?”

   “It’s Camille. I don’t...” Billy paused. “I’m headed out to run some errands. Can you come over? Sit with her a bit. I left the key under the mat.”

   “Billy, is everything okay?”

   A pause. Billy didn’t know how to tell Jim what he saw. But, Camille always responded to Jim’s love. She needed it right now. Billy felt useless.

   “I don’t know.” See for yourself.

   He hung up and got into his car. Wiped his eyes before he pulled out.

** ** **

   “Come on, we can do this.” Camille groaned. One breast out to feed the baby. “Please.” Sara wiggled in protest. She looked up at her mother. Smiled.

   Camille shattered.

   “Don’t do that.” She quivered.

   Don’t look at me with undying trust and love.

   Don’t look at me like I'm all you got because I’m failing you.

   “I’m sorry.” Camille offered at last. Felt like she’d been holding that in since she saw the strip turn blue. “I’m sorry, I can’t...I’m a bad mommy and I’m so sorry.” Tears hit Sara’s cheeks and blanket. A baby blanket Grace knitted with the baby’s name in it. Pale lavender. Camille sobbed and held her. “I don’t know why I feel like this and I’m so sorry.”

   She couldn’t stop. The baby just cooed at her. Grabbed for long locks of brown hair.

   Don’t cry, mommy.

   That was how Jim found them.

   Camille drained of life and sobbing over the baby she felt she'd let down. Skin discolored and bruised. Clothing loose and crumpled. One of her breasts out. Hyperventilating. Vibrating. Sara still contented in her arms. Looking around in wonder.

   “Camille, sweetheart,” Jim crossed and she hitched to breathe. Offered the baby to him. Desperate.

   “Take her. Take her away from me. I can’t. I can’t do this. I’m not right. I can’t keep her safe from men in suits with red ties. I'll just hurt her too. I’m a bad mother. I’m not...I don’t feel...” Camille shook and Jim took the bundle. “I can’t look at her because I can’t do this. I’m awful. I’m a horrible mother. I’m sorry!”

   Skin paled and eyes huge, Camille crushed in on herself.

   Hands covered her face. Crossed legs lifting so she could curl up again there.

   “Camille...” Jim eased. Realized how unwell she’d been. Clearly not sleeping or eating in the short time they’d been home. “She’s okay, Camille. You’re doing okay.”

   “I’m not, I’m not. She’ll be like me and they’ll take her away. They’ll stage a car accident or fry our brains and she’ll be out there and all alone. I made her cry, I didn’t mean to.” She kept thinking about Rosemary and Noah brushing her aside. Lying to her. Keeping her in a cage.

   “That won’t happen, no matter what she becomes.” Jim faced her, cradling the tiny baby against him. “Deep breath.” He managed to fix her nightgown back up with a free hand. “Hey, look at her, it’s okay. She's safe.”

   Camille wiped her eyes and stared at the floor.

   “Has it been like this since you got home?” He frowned. “We...We didn’t-”

   “It just feels all wrong, Jim. I don’t understand.” That raw voice squeaked. He brought her against him with his arm. Holding Sara there too.

   “She’s healthy and beautiful. And she’s happy. You did that.” Jim offered. Camille’s fingers dug into his jacket. “You’re not well. I’ve seen this before with my own family. We’re going to get you some help, okay? You need help and that’s okay.”

   Camille only nodded. One shaken hand reached out to touch her daughter. Finger running the curve of her little chin.

   “When’s Billy getting home?”

   “Couple hours tops.” She sniffled.

   “I want you to go lie down.”

   “She hasn’t eaten.” Camille persisted, head lifting.

   “We’ll try again in a bit. I’m going to make you something to eat and I want you to just close your eyes. I’ll take care of the baby.” Jim stood, ushering her with him. “Get into bed.”

   “What about Billy?” Camille let Jim cover her. “He...He seemed...”

   “I’ll explain it to him. Just rest.” Jim settled Sara into her crib. Turned the mobile on. He made some plain toast and got Camille to sit up and each both pieces. Brushed crumbs off her face. Tucked her into a warm bed.

   Then, he called Joyce.

** ** **

   Billy came home with his arms full of bags. Stopped there at the scene. Joyce playing with Sara on the couch. Jim just walked out of the kitchen.

   “Where’s Camille?” He dropped the groceries aside. Jim put a slow hand on his shoulder.

   “I got her fed and to sleep. We managed to help her feed Sara after the first hour...” Jim sighed. “Billy, Camille’s...”

   “I don’t know what’s happening to her. She doesn’t want to be around Sara or I.”

   “What’s happening to Camille is common. Happens to mothers everywhere. She needs to go talk to someone about it.” Jim cocked his head and helped the new father put his items away while Joyce stayed on the couch. “Postpartum depression. You read about that?”

   “Some in the baby books. Not much.”

   “Camille is feeling very...”

   “Blue.” Billy’s eyes went distant. He sucked his cheeks in. Set his jaw to sigh. “I ignored it. I got mad at her for...”

   “It’s not either of your faults. It happens. Camille has to go talk to someone before she hurts herself. She needs support. It’ll be okay. I promise.” That somehow relaxed Billy. Jim always knew what to do. What to say.

   “I hope,” Billy began, “I can be a dad like you.”

   Hopper smiled at that. Beamed and hugged Billy to his chest. The new daddy paced to see his baby on the couch.

   “She behaving for you?”

   “That she is.” Joyce smiled. “We got her. Camille’s in the bedroom.”

   “Thanks.” Billy kissed Sara’s head and went in. Clicking the door open. Camille stirred. Head lifting when he got behind her. “Hey.”

   “Hi.” She stiffened up as he brought her to his chest. “Jim tell you?”

   “Yeah.” Billy’s chin settled upon her crown.

   “I’m sorry.”

   “Don’t apologize, we’ll get through it. You, Sara, and I. We’re a team. Little pack of wolves.” Billy kissed her head. Let her finally breath him in and cling as she turned to burrow into his chest. “You two are everything to me. Nothing else is as important as us.”

   “I love you. I love her. I do.”

   “I know you do. And we love you. We’ll get you help, Camille. It’s okay.” Billy cuddled her closer. Thought of Hopper. “I promise.”

** ** **

   Camille woke before Billy that next morning. Went to feed Sara. Jim and Joyce left after another long talk with Billy when Camille fell back asleep.

   “Okay, Sara, it’s just you and me. We can do this.” She adjusted and sat in the rocking chair. Cupped her breast to offer it. Pain stung a little but… “There we go. Good girl. Yes.”

   Camille felt herself smile this morning. Billy made an appoint for her. She would be taking the full maternity leave.

   Sara wiggled and burped up as Camille bounced her. Hummed Billy’s song to her and flicked the mobile around. Her husband hadn’t emerged yet so she went into the kitchen. Made a turkey and cheese sandwich. Sliced it diagonally and fell into the couch to watch some TV. Billy stumbled in and stood there with bed head. Beautiful beyond belief.

   “Morning.”

   “Morning.” Camille took half the sandwich and offered the plate to him. Billy brightened. Sat next to her. They shared the food in silence. Watched TV until she got under his arm. Rain padded against the windows. Sounded peaceful. “Do you think she’ll like surfing or ballet?”

   Eyes flickered over his wife as she engaged herself at last. With ease.

   “I think she’ll be into pro wrestling.” Billy smiled fuller. Camille let herself feel it, pushing at his chest before she laughed. Still a pretty sound. Inhaled the scent of him before he brought her hand up to kiss the tender skin of her wrist.

   “She’s gonna do whatever she wants to do, I think.” Camille said then, kissing up his jaw to find soft lips. “And we’ll be there to support her... We’ll always be there, won’t we?”

   “We will and that’s enough. I promise.” Billy tucked hair aside for a feverish kiss, nuzzled down into her neck to murmur. “You doing alright?”

   Camille saw his lashes flutter. Traced her fingers over the freckles and thought about how she couldn’t wait to see them bloom like fresh petals upon their daughter.

   “Today? Yeah. I think so. We’ve got each other.” She breathed, pressing lips into wild curls. They held each other while the rain fell lighter. Realized Billy was right. Echoed his call. “That’s enough.”

   Sara roused for her parents. Squirmed as Camille picked her up to bring her into the living room so they could gush and admire her. Neon hearts that glowed brighter by the hour. Her lullaby and sunrise all at once.

   “I love you both,” Billy nudged his head into Camille’s temple, “so much. You know that?”

   “You’re a magnificent father. We're lucky, Sara and I.” Camille’s lips pressed and the curves of her expression blurred. Billy blinked several times. A smile pressed. She let Sara giggle in her lap and held one finger with a strong, little hand. Babbling some until Camille was laughing to encourage it. “She’s all blush and tangerine today.” Not blue.

   “She’s beautiful,” Billy sighed there with so much contentment as Camille let herself relax. “And she’s just like her mother.”

   Hazel eyes lifted to see him. Amazed by this wonder of a life they created. A miracle. Like a specific star they’d plucked down to cherish and nurture.

   “She’ll be messy and also so kind. Good. Angry when she needs to be. She’ll cry and not be shamed for it. Our baby will be shown so much love, the world couldn’t hope to swallow her.” Camille smiled again. Softer by the hour as she gazed at Sara there. “The best parts of us. Our love. Into one gorgeous creature. She’s us, Billy.”

   That hit the new mother hard. Made her voice quiver.

   "She's us."

   Camille felt a glimmer of it then as she understood it all. That connection threading red cords around her heart. Casting out to anchor others so close. Billy saw it resonate and felt it too. Held them both on the sofa as they curled up like a family. Their own pack. Camille would teach Sara to howl at the moon and tear through forests. To endure and pull herself back to her feet at every stumble. To lead and love as hard as she could. Like she was meant to.

   Billy only glittered at her. Camille’s burst of vitality and hope. They had each other and they would get through whatever would follow the horizon.

   “And it’s enough,” he repeated in peace, “I promise.”

[fairycosmos]

I don't think I can live in this family any longer. My older sister is emotionally abusing the hell out of me and I don't know what to do about it. she's wrecked me. My parents do realize but she doesn't change her behaviour and blames me instead. She never apoligizes. she humiliates me in front of others. I'm afraid of her, I hate her, I can't do anything right when I'm around her. I never want to talk to her or see her again. what do I fucking do? does anyone have similar experiences?

god, i’m so fucking sorry you have to deal with that, holy shit. you’re definitely not the only person who has had to live with an abusive figure - a lot of people can relate to that, a lot of people have survived that and you are genuinely not alone. the fact that your parents aren’t stepping up and doing something about it is crazy and completely unacceptable. i think that the fact that you’ve handled this for so long and that you’ve managed to get through it speaks volumes about the strength of your character and the type of person you are, seriously. i’m assuming you’re too young to move out, and if there’s no other family members that you’re able to go and live with, then the only option is to distance yourself from the house and your sister as much as you’re able to. i know it’s not the perfect solution, and i know it’s not ideal, but it’s still not a hopeless situation and you’re still going to get through it, i promise. try to spend the least amount of time around your house and your sister as you can - take long walks, find places that bring you peace (libraries, parks, cafes), stay out late with friends, maybe even join a club or something at school so you can spend more time there. don’t let your sister in your personal bubble anymore. she’s not worth it. i get that it feels like a lot of effort, but you shouldn’t have to remain in an uncomfortable environment for any longer than you’re required to, you know? that’s really what it comes down to. also, try to stop engaging with your sister all together. when you see her or whenever she talks to you, tune her out, look straight through her and show her that you don’t care. at this point, what she thinks doesn’t matter bc it’s all coming from a bitter place of negativity and resentment, so don’t give her actions the power to impact you or get in your head anymore. she doesn’t matter, and eventually she’s not even going to be a part of your life so even if you have to force yourself to, just keep ignoring her. i get that it hurts, and that she’s your sister so you’re naturally going to crave a better relationship w her, but there comes a point where you just have to stop and tell yourself that enough is enough. you don’t need to deal w her bullshit anymore. you don’t need to be scared of her, or annoyed by her, or embarrassed by her - she’s nothing.

look, i don’t know why she’s chosen to treat you like this and i don’t know why she thinks she has the right to, but please know that her actions and words are always a reflection of her, and never of you. it’s not your fault. she sounds like a fkn bad person and how she chooses to act is completely out of your hands, but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with it. exercise the control you do have by doing what’s right for yourself and your own happiness, okay? and keep complaining to your parents about it, keep letting them know that it’s not okay and don’t let her bully you into complete silence. try to convince them to partake in some sort of family therapy, or form of punishment for your sister when she does something shitty. detaching yourself from the situation and from her poisonous attitude doesn’t mean you have to stop telling your parents what’s going on. i know it’s all a lot easier said than done, but until you’re old enough to move out or until the opportunity arises, the best way to handle it is to disconnect from it as much as you physically can, unless your family starts to accept that things need to change. and even when your mind is telling you that you can’t keep going, that you can’t deal w it anymore, take a deep breath and try to realize that you can. every moment that you get through is an achievement, and it brings you one step closer to a better future - one that doesn’t hold your abusive sister or any of that shit. there will come a day when you’re going to be able to live your life freely and on your own terms and you’re going to be so much happier than you can even comprehend right now, so don’t let her take that away from you. even if the current circumstances feel like the most permanent thing in the world, they’re not. what you’ve experienced so far is only a very small percentage of your life, and there’s still so much to come that will make getting through all of this crap feel worth it. i promise. you’re so much stronger than you think you are, dude. i’m going to leave some links that might offer additional guidance and advice bc like i said, a lot of people can relate to what you’re going through and there is a lot of support out there, even if it doesn’t feel that way rn. also, i’m always here if you need someone to talk to - just message me.

http://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/975519/how-to-deal-with-bullies-and-abusive-family-members

https://www.dumblittleman.com/how-to-overcome-emotional-abuse/

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/abuse-and-addiction/understanding-emotional-abuse/healing-the-wounds-of-emotional-abuse

https://www.mentalhelp.net/advice/abusive-older-sister/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/growing-friendships/201512/sibling-abuse-and-bullying